#every other interest that i tried to teach myself beloved

[naveenkumarchandra]

A Message from a Senior.

Recently I got a chance to revisit and relive all the wonderful memories, of the years spent at easily the single most important place of my life, our beloved institution, IIT Roorkee.

This also gave me a chance to meet some wonderful juniors, very enthusiastic, very energetic and very optimistic, something which we seniors lack. It was very refreshing indeed.

Yet, amidst all the optimism, I also witnessed a line of stress and anxiety running through most conversations, it was perhaps natural for them to be, and perhaps we too used to be the same and like it so happens all the time, looking at things retrospectively brings in a bias and we tend to be more forgiving of our own times. Yet, I felt this and so this message.

All of you are very young, very energetic, very talented and indeed very responsible and thus the stress too must be coming from the reality of your times. The issue though remains this, being at IIT Roorkee, one need not focus on anything else but one thing, to become the best version of themselves and to instil leadership abilities in them, because remember, you would be expected to lead no matter where you go, public or private sector, you would be required to take the lead and guide others.

I would not lie and say that we weren’t stressed in our college days and didn’t bother about things that bother you but experience teaches us and thus I am trying to pass on my experience. One thing which served me really well was trying a variety of things first hand, things which really piqued my interest and things which were appealing to me and were not just in fashion or were being taken up by everyone else. I tried start-ups, working for seniors and then building a couple of my own, probably the best decision I ever took as they taught me more than any book. I tried coding, because it’s very empowering and makes you future ready. I tried research in my core subject as well. All of these activities, not only showed me various directions to take but also various dimensions of myself. Finally when I did decide to go for civil services, it was a sound decision taken by conscious knowledge gathering about all things which appealed to me.

Apart from this, what did bother me was how first years and second years were under a lot of stress regarding their career and jobs. While some amount of stress helps, undue stress and anxiety and that too at a stage where you are supposed to enjoy yourself the most and experiment as much as possible, makes me a little worried. You are at a place where you have in front of you the best of the best, facilities, people, environment, utilise this experience and experiment, fail as much as you can and learn.

It’s not exaggeration when I say that the guy with one of the lowest CGPAs (he had exactly 5.0) in our entire batch is more successful and yes happier than almost everyone in the entire batch, a guy who was written off by most and had his degree extended by one year is now in Foreign Service, a person who decided to skip placements and prepare for Civil services without any coaching or help, a decision for which he was mocked, is happily serving in the IAS (having cleared the exam in 1st attempt), a person who decided to go into his core in his first year itself is still working there and is now one of the foremost young stars in the field.

No one has the right or the authority to tell you that if you don’t do this or that you’ll be left behind. It’s you who decide. No need to participate in any rat race, no need to pursue programming if computers don’t appeal to you, no need to look for random internships if you don’t like the field or the sector, no need for you to leave your core subject if that’s what you wish to do and just because you’ve been told that your core subject is not the future. The only thing you need to do is learn as much as possible about different things, enjoy life & live each and every moment. Trust me, you’d do well in life, in time, career, money, comfort, will all fall in place but this time, in the institute would remain a missed opportunity and a huge regret.

Wishing all of you the best. Rock it!!

Naveen- 2015 batch

[seepweed]

i'm finally!! picking up the flute!! which is great because i feel motivated! a few years ago (i think it was 2 years ago but...not etirely sure...) my father bought a flute but no one in my family knows how to play the flute and i've kind of wanted to pick it up and it's finally happening!!! and simultaneously it motivates me to do more on the piano...since i've been neglecting that a little :P

it's such a funny instrument and it's so cool that i still remember the finger movements from "Greensleaves" from when i taught myself the recorder. apparently this will forever be the song that i will be playing on new instruments haha

also! it's so different from the trombone (which is the instrument i'm playing the most, even if it's not the one i've been playing the longest)! and i have no idea where the tricks lay! but i'm finding it out slowly!!! what to do with my lips and what to do with the air!

and also holy fuck the deep tones need so much air. i mean i'm used to "needs much air" because...again i've been playing the trombone for 5 years now but holy fuck! what is this! a c doesn't need that much air on the trombone!!!

anyways i'm so hyped. but i also know that many tries of "teaching myself this" have ended sooner rather than later but i'm hoping this is holding

[subbe93]

Headcanon time: ShinRan dancing ❤

After I edited the 12th chapter from The Roulette of Destiny, I wanted to tell you something at the end of it. But since it became longer than I thought, and I couldn't make myself delete any of it to make it shorter, I thought why I don't make a post about it and maybe tell even more than I planned. And since I have a big urge to share this, I did it... Hopefully, you don't get an overdose of my blabbers for this week xD

But now to the point:

I'm pretty sure that people have noticed that I have a thing for ShinRan dancing. I once made an ask for Gisachi about it, and at this point, there are two fics where I have used it (I think? xD). And yeah, I kind of love the idea of Shinichi and Ran dancing partner/ballroom dances (I have no idea what is the correct word to use dances like Waltz and other that kind of dances).

I'm not sure if I'm only romanticizing Shinichi more and more, making him a perfect anime boy, but I have a headcanon that when he had been younger, Yukiko had taught him every ballroom dances that she had known. I mean I'm remembering the scene where she had tried to teach Shinichi to sing (though the more I'm trying to remember where it was, the more I'm starting to doubt that I have made that up xD) so I don't see the reason why she hadn't tried to teach him many other things that hadn't interested Shinichi as much, but since it's Yukiko we are talking about, I think our beloved detective hasn't had many chances to decline x)

But I think somehow it would suit for Shinichi to know some ballroom dances. He just doesn't dance, he doesn't like dancing... Unless there is one certain girl who would like to dance ;)

Ran would love to dance. In the end, it's something that she had seen at least on tv (probably somewhere else too). She had seen those beautiful dresses and how smoothly people dance in each other arms, swinging around the dancefloor... So romantic! And maybe those dances also have a feeling of a fairytale, since I think in many princess stories there are dancing. But unlike Shinichi, Ran hadn't had a teacher at home. No hard feelings, Kogoro, but even if he claims that he is a master of dancing, he's not x) He is clumsy and pretty good at stepping on others' toes. Is Eri a good dancer? I think she can dance, but maybe she is a little too stiff? Or something that it's not so natural to her. So she could have taught Ran to dance if Ran would have talked about it to her, but maybe that topic had never come out with her. Well, part of me says that it's not.

Why? Because I kind of love the idea that Shinichi had taught Ran. I don't know why though. Maybe there is going to be some dancing event or prom coming up and Ran dreams to be part of it because then she would have a good reason to get dressed in the beautiful evening dress and feel like a princess. But since she is so unsure about her dancing skills (and she doesn't have a partner (or that is what she's thinking)), she wonders if she should go at all... Of course, Shinichi would hear it, and first, he would be cynical himself, saying something like those events are pointless and what else. But after a little argument, he would try to act cool and offers to teach Ran some dances that he knows. (And end up being her partner in that event, because... Well, if in Teitan High School there is still someone who thinks that they have a chance to get Ran as their partner, they are awfully wrong, because Ran just want to go with Shinichi, but there is also Shinichi who doesn't like the idea that someone else would get Ran's attention for that evening, so of course, "because Ran forced him to participate, he didn't have other choices than accept to be her partner" (and in there they can't take their eyes away from each other, because Ran is looking breathtaking, and Ran thinks that Shinichi looks so handsome and hot in his suit, and I don't know what would happen but in the end, they would admit their feelings and there would be more dancing in each other's arms, a little closer than before, and eventually sweet kisses, and, and, and.... ))

But yeah, somehow Shinichi and Ran are a couple who I could see to be somewhere, and when there is a chance, they would be dancing together. Or more likely, it would go like this: When Ran sees the chance to dance, she would grab Shinichi's hand and be like: "Shinichi, let's dance!" And Shinichi would be like: "Meh, I don't want to", but since Ran has decided that they would dance, she would drag her detective to the dancefloor. Of course, Shinichi would enjoy it, but he always needs to complain about it first ;) On different occasions would be if he sees that Ran is feeling down and he would like to cheer her up, then he would be the one who would suggest it. But I also like to think that after they got more age, then Shinichi would ask Ran to dance more often because he knows how happy it makes her, and seeing happy Ran is the best thing that he knows ❤

And this is the reason why I love to make them dance, because somehow, in my eyes, they are the perfect couple for that ❤ I wanted to use it in The Roulette of Destiny too :3 I thought that after the "storm" they have that powerless moment where Ran is crying and Shinichi hates to see her so miserable (like in canon), but he has no idea how to make those tears go away... Until he remember how his mother had once told him that girls like to dance, so he decides that he would take Ran to dance ^_^

As a side note, since we are talking about dances: I'm not very good at seeing them dancing in nightclubs, discos, or places like those... Well, I don't know why, but I don't see Shinichi and Ran spending time in places like that at all. I mean I can see them sitting on the bar and maybe taking one or two drinks, but not to get drunk. But about "party dancing"... Well, maybe I can see Ran dancing places like that, but Shinichi... If he does, he would be so awkward xD The only reason why he would make it to the dancefloor would be that someone is dancing too close to Ran and flirting with her, and Shinichi just want to make sure that no one tries to steal his girl x)

[jae-canikeepyou]

| kismet | j.jh | part two

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

word count: 10k+

summary: his parents sends him for a month long vacation to the country side to meet his other half, which so happens to be you. and alternatively, your beloveds asks of you to be in your best behaviour while he’s around. disliking how things turn out, you both come up with a pact with each other before your two families gathers together for christmas eve dinner.

genre: arranged marriage + bad 1st impressions

a/n: this is not proofread and i apologise for any mistakes :p here’s the next one and i hope you look forward to the final soon! enjoy reading! ~j

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| part one | part three (final) |

it was another morning johnny saw you and jaehyun arguing at a distance by the stables. be it inaudible yelling or actions that seemed exaggerated, this time it was a sight that was a little worth seeing. so he walked closer to hear this quarrel.

“you didn’t check the horses’ conditions yet? it’s been a few days and i told you to memorise the schedule!” you flipped through pages roughly that they nearly tore. “it’s your job! you’re the ‘vet’!”

“what? you never gave me any schedule to begin with!” jaehyun groaned then sat back on the hammock to rest and you were trying to get him back up on his toes. “and what if i just want to take a day off today? you can’t force me!”

“check the animals jaehyun. that’s an order.” you sighed, writing down notes to keep updated with the stocks and materials. “i have some things to do—”

“like what? practicing and riding?” he asked and you didn’t answer. “thought so. you rarely do things around here and you still brag about how accomplished you feel.” he scoffed and laid back down on the hammock. “i’m the one doing the work..” he mumbled until it was inaudible for you.

ouch that hit the mark. johnny could see your cheeks bubbling up and eyebrows narrowing at jaehyun’s comment. of course he wouldn’t know that because you usually do not deal with the hard work around the farm. the only job you work hard for was horse riding. you had a reputation to hold as you were the daughter of a renowned family.

jaehyun took a huge inhale as he swung himself like a mother did to lull a child. he sung to annoy you even more and with the ruffles from the papers in your hands, johnny could tell his friend was satisfied making you mad. you bit your hairtie between teeth, tying your hair up into a high ponytail and rolling up your sleeves until the elbows.

he was indeed a huge man, you grabbed the edge of the cloth and pulled him as high as you could. he fell miserably to the hard soil. “ow quit it y/n!” he stood up to dust the impossible dirt from his pants. “you’re just sensitive because what i said is actually true! i’ll get back to work if that’s what you’re worried about.”

he fixed his coat and head straight inside the stables.

you crossed your arms and tried your best to hold your changing expression. “talk about sensitive! you can’t even withstand heavy workload!”

“mentally i can but i’m not physically ready! i didn’t sign up to be your pawn so stop acting like a queen and actually help out!” he grabbed the hay and scattered them in the horses’ place.

the audacity- the fall from three days ago still had an impact on you. “didn’t you hear what i said? i have things to do! now continue that. i have to answer this call..” you sounded irritated and soon your voice sounding further away the more you spoke. jaehyun saw you answering the ringing phone, taking it from you.

before you could, you were draped on his shoulder as if you were a towel. “i won’t take that as an excuse, y/n! you’re coming with me!” he forcibly took the phone off your hands and threw it far.

defeated and exhausted to talk back, you tapped his back because fear was slowly consuming you due to your shoulder pain. “you’re buying me another phone! put me down jaehyun! my back still hurts!” you hit his hips and expected he wouldn’t listen but,

he did as you were told.

“you’re forgetting your condition number one!” jaehyun pointed his temples as anger became visibly seen on his face. “you said ‘you’ll do the work for me and with me’, and they go together!” he threw a small sack of hay to you.

“you’re being an ass because i invaded your day-off!” you stomped to the next horse.

“tsk, i don’t think i can continue this with you! you‘re ruining my well-being every single day!”

“the jeong jaehyun can’t stand arguments?” you tilted your head in frustration and nodded at his silence. “thought so. this is part of the pact you suggested and i’m just simply following it! so if there’s anything, you’re the weak one here!”

from afar, johnny was taken aback behind the fences.

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the kitchen was quiet, the grandfather clock ticking away time and as each second passed, so did your patience. daylight met its end. it was day 14 and your mother asked you to give jaehyun the lesson he wanted to have— bread making. you forgot about it, and jaehyun probably did too because despite staying over for ‘vacation’, every day you either saw him with his friends goofing around the barn or him superglued to his school work.

yet now you were close to smashing his face into the mountain of flour he carefully, and slowly built. mark did a better job despite being clumsy. you can handle clumsy, but you couldn’t handle people with top perfection in their ego, a.k.a., jaehyun.

his dimples were hollowing as he looked intently at the numbers on the scale, waiting for that specific and exact digit to appear with a spoonful of melted butter. “oh my g- you’re wasting time!” you grabbed the spoon and put everything into the bowl. “0.1 or 0.2 grams makes no difference! hurry up and mix the dry to the wet ingredients!”

“i was nearly done with the measurements but you had to dump everything in there!” still he stirred them in a bowl with a whisk anyway. “you’re the impatient one!” he carried the bowl and placed it between his arm and waist, subtly asking johnny to film him.

“uhm what do i do after they’re incorporated?” mark interrupted the heated conversation. so far he was careful and observant with your every move. “do i knead it?”

“after twenty minutes.” you smiled at him. this was great; mark actually made your day at least, a lot better than jaehyun did. “resting it will let the flour hydrate. the milk will be absorbed and the gluten will relax too.”

mark snapped his fingers as he tore a plastic wrap to place on the bowl. “that makes it easier to knead right?”

for a moment you felt like a proud mom. “mhm, you’re learning! you’re originally not my student today but you’re doing a better job than—”

the bowl jaehyun was using fell to the floor. to make it worse it was upside-down, that meant all work done had gone to waste. the dough wasn’t close to incorporated. “..him.”

“crap.” jaehyun swore under his breath. his lashes slowly lifted. “my bad. i don’t mind starting again. i can handle my next batch.”

and though they were pretty, your disappointment came through your sigh. “goodness jaehyun. things are never right with you. i’ll clean this up. we ran out of eggs and milk so you have to go to the farm and get some.” you pulled mark’s arm aside as you began to clean. “mark you can chill for a while.”

jaehyun untied his apron and went out with a bucket, mumbling and complaining to himself at exasperating you were so early in the morning.

johnny then followed him. the pact he heard lingered in his head and thought this would be the right time to ask. “i can do the milking myself john.” he opened the gate to the cattle.

“i know. but that’s not why i came along.” johnny put his camera aside. “you and y/n.. made a pact?” with that question out and jaehyun dropped the bucket, johnny figured that what he heard days ago could be true.

“what?” jaehyun turned on his heel, confused, trying not to sound or look surprised. “why would i make a pact with someone so ill-mannered as her? she’s not worth my time or even interests me.” he affirmed with subtle shaky eyes. “the only pact i know is this marriage our parents put us into.

johnny thought for a while, looking at jaehyun who grew clueless the minute passed. he guessed he was wrong. “n-nothing. i’m probably hearing things. or jumbling scenarios because i’ve been watching too many movies this holiday season. i’m sorry dude.”

deep inside jaehyun let out a sigh of relief, but anger was starting to boil at how careless you were for slipping out. he continued to milk the cows and retrieve a couple of eggs before hearing you call them from the house. “oh my g- she’s screaming again-” he scoffed and tried to walk faster. “i can’t just run i might spill the milk bucket!”

“there’s this thing called speedwalking!” you yelled. “try doing that!”

“you always argue with her. aren’t you both tired?” johnny took huge leaps to escape the cold.

“she isn’t, i am. imagine the amount of stress i get the moment i open my eyes in the morning.” jaehyun vouched and shivered at the thought of it.

johnny opened the door and the warmth met their skin. “sure but when you do bump heads, there’s always a smile on your face after you state your point. i never seen you in a good mood since you and sue broke up. i can take that smile of yours a sign.” johnny noted what he’d been seeing.

“it’s a victor’s smile. it means i win the argument.”

they both entered the house and to find you still teaching mark. jaehyun placed the bucket down and rested on the sofa after being told he could use the kitchen once you were finished. trying to keep warm, jaehyun gave small glimpses of you as he wondered when it would be the right time to tell you about what johnny told him. and because he felt johnny tailing him from behind, he wanted your lesson to be over quick.

“i’m thinking it’s a sign that you have feelings for y/n.”

jaehyun batted his lashes. “no no no. i don’t fall in love that easily. there’s nothing attractive about her and i told you i’m not marrying someone like her, with bad attitude and all—”

“and still you tease her for fun? that’s like a cover-up to hide how you actually feel. you may not see that but in another’s eyes, it means something.” johnny clicked the buttons on his camera, rewatching the videos he took.

“are you throwing the ‘i tease her because i like her’ kind of ego? you know i argue with her because i hate her.” he hissed, flipping his laptop open to double check his reports.

the blonde hair boy shook his head with a growing grin of disbelief. “i’m not. my point is, it wouldn’t hurt to try to know her for who she is.” johnny’s lips flatlined when his eyes trailed to your approaching figure. “who knows maybe she’s trying as well and never really got the chance to- yeah i know y/n he’s all yours now.”

unfolding your arms you playfully hit his back with pressed lips. “shut it johnny. just help the baby lion with the cleaning, he’s not really good at it.”

you sat on the sofa, circling your shoulder to ease the pain before leaning back. “ugh. kneading the bread made it worse.”

with the frequent complaints coming from you, he couldn’t concentrate proof-reading his work. it made jaehyun unzip his coat, fishing something from inside and handed a box to you. bothered with how you hesitated to get it, he grabbed your wrists and placed it on your palms. “take it. it helps me a lot too whenever i cram.” did he just.. smile? it was subtle but you were sure he did.

a swarm of guilt started to form at the pit of your stomach. it wasn’t that you thought he partially blamed himself for the fall at the barn house, but because he actually cared when the fall wasn’t even the ultimate reason why your shoulder suffered in the first place. he had no knowledge and still doesn’t. and it was kind of frustrating to think you couldn’t begin that topic.

your heart now was experiencing somersaults. you asked yourself: why? sure he’s handsome and got built, but at this moment why are you all flimsy and speechless? “so you do have a heart for people.” you opened the box of the patch’s packaging.

“i was expecting a ‘thank you’ but i guess with that you’re taking back your words.” he grinned as he typed on.

you snorted as you put your legs up. “hmpf, aren’t you assumi- ow.” you touched your forehead where the pain stung.

“shut up, i’m reading.” jaehyun stressed in a low voice.

“reading what?” you scooted in closer, and jaehyun surprisingly let you see what it was rather than snapping at you. you squinted at the screen and nodded. “equine studies..” you read out softly, that seemed to be a report he worked on in his early years. “isn’t it mandatory for you to study it?”

jaehyun’s scrutinizing gaze caught you off guard, making you clamp your lips to keep quiet. he sighed and continued to read as if you didn’t exist. “i thought you weren’t interested in my field of study.” his brows drew together at your curiosity despite remembering how you did say it clearly.

quickly you tear the patch’s plastic to break the awkward silence you brought upon and let out a soft chuckle of shame. “i’m asking because it’s equine related and i wanna learn. plus i’m too tired to pick up a fight with you so teach me everything you know.”

“i don’t even know if you’d get it in one night- fine. it’s mandatory but i only learnt the basics. i’m not specialising in it or anything so don’t expect much.” jaehyun stared at the screen yet feeling your presence so close kind of pressured him, and he didn’t know why.

“basics like checking the heart, respiratory rate, temperature and hydration status?” you hugged your legs together after placing the patch behind you. “hm.. that’s kinda simple.”

jaehyun clicked his tongue. “that’s the general checking for an animal’s condition, used for emergency access and such. we were given an understanding of veterinary anatomy—”

“which includes learning principles in developmental anatomy in gross, microscopical and ultrastructural levels. learn all these then you can focus on organs to give a physical and radiological diagnosis with the physiology and anatomy as bases—” you finished his sentence, soon shutting up as you got carried away.

his mouth agaped in shock and in strangeness of your interest. he checked your forehead to see if you were in the right mind. “did you read it out from a book or something? and what’s up with you and scientific terminology? you’re supposed to be hating on big words.”

you wondered why his comment hurt you. did he assume you were uneducated? at this point you thought deeply that secrets were meant to be kept. and they were only to be revealed by two ways; one was heard by others, and two was at your will.

“why are you so quiet now?” he laughed, scrolling down at endless of documented pages. “are you experiencing brain fart after that long sentence of sophisticated vocabulary?”

this was far from assumption. this was plain mockery. and it hurt. you hit him on the arm a little more violent and forceful than the usual, and bite back your lips. “it’s not because i’m dumb. i know these because i’ve been there.” you stood up and grabbed the box he gave you. “thanks for this anyway. good night.”

“hey you don’t have to hit me!” jaehyun paused for a second, he had difficulties processing your sudden outburst. he mumbled to himself, “why is she offended when i’m the one who got hit..”

mark happily came out of the kitchen with a freshly baked bread in his hands. “y/n! i’m done with the bread and it smells soooo good- jaehyun, where is she?” the younger one put down the tray.

he sighed and gestured confusingly. “i don’t know she probably went to sleep.”

“man i wanted her to try it.”

“she can try tomorrow. anyway i’m gonna take a shower.” jaehyun turned off his laptop and headed straight to the bathroom.

but before he could have his relaxation, hendery stood against the opposing wall with arms crossed. “can we talk?” he tilted his head, asking to sit at the veranda with him.

they sat at the table set with hendery pouring cups of hot tea. jaehyun took it in his hands, eyes meeting your childhood friend’s as he brushed his hair up. “i kind of wanna tell you something. it’s not my position but i feel like you deserve to know.” that made jaehyun’s mind questioning more. “i overheard you and y/n talking.”

jaehyun frowned at the very recent event, something he found rude from your action. “yeah? she reacted so much and hit me just because i teased her a little. might’ve taken it too seriously but she should know i was joking about her not knowing-”

hendery looked at the dusk distance. “m’lady loves animals more than anything, and for a long time veterinary science is something close to her heart too.”

jaehyun gulped in full on revelation. that was why you reacted. he realised the reason why you hated him in the first place wasn’t only because he was the one you were to marry, but because he was the person who was currently studying the course you’ve always wanted to take.

“she was supposed to take it in college but due to unfortunate circumstances she couldn’t continue. there’s family issue and she had an accident-”

what accident? jaehyun for the first time in other’s eyes, showed worry and curiosity. and his raise in brows cause hendery to realise he missed out an important detail.

“ah you haven’t met mr. y/l/n yet, right?” hendery asked as he sipped on his tea. “he’s busy right now because he’s always out of town but he’s the one y/n’s having issues with.”

“i’m guessing her father opposed to the idea of her becoming a vet?”

hendery shook his head. “he didn’t oppose. in fact he allowed y/n once we graduated high school. she got enrolled to the first semester and was doing well until she had little time to no practice for her semi-finals at cross country at all. mr. y/l/n is a horse riding coach so he’s especially strict with y/n. let’s say their arguments started from there.”

though he didn’t ask parts of your personal life, hearing all these news stunned jaehyun. there was only one thing he wanted to ask: what caused your accident? “how did she do with vet science?”

“she managed and had no fails.” hendery had a brief proud smile. “sadly mr. y/l/n didn’t find it impressive, because he really thought his daughter would be an equestrian like him. y/n hoped he’d be understanding but yeah anyway, you get the gist from there.”

“if it ever crosses her mind, we’ll see if she does. i’ll head inside for a shower. thanks for letting me know.” jaehyun had his palms on the knob, turning around one last time to confirm something. “was the accident, bad?”

“not as life threatening, but it was enough to traumatise her.” hendery picked up the plates and cups. “she.. still hasn’t recovered.”

he stared back at the young lad’s expression, and he could tell hendery has been looking after you ever since. maybe it was better if he hadn’t asked.

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you still shook your legs after hendery warned you of your decency and image, saying that that action was his pet peeve. but really, it was just an excuse to save himself from you due to the fact he said that shaking legs while thinking wasn’t ladylike at all. you couldn’t keep yourself in one place, pacing back and forth in the barn with marg eyeing you since it already been long you did so. “sis.” she cleared her throat and you stopped being jittery with biting your fingers. “what’s up with you?”

“nothing.” you lied, an uneasy feeling began to build up in your chest as the man you despise gently held the horses’ manes. “i’m fine, just thinking.”

jaehyun did the final checks for your horses’ health conditions and to be brutally honest not only did you find him surprisingly quiet, he was rather kind and collected for four days now. he even taught you some veterinary related topics in which you were surprised he was willing to teach. maybe he took your subtle request when you wanted to learn anything he knew about equine medicine. perhaps he wanted a break from all negativity when it came to you. in fact he did mention he couldn’t continue arguing anymore.

and in those four days it got you thinking about the pact. you had a week left and you weren’t sure if you convinced your family or jaehyun’s friends enough to call off the marriage. yes you’ve been at each other’s nerves for small arguments and there were times you forget about it too because the way you both fought was so natural. however today was just too quiet, like he was stopping the fights on purpose and for what reason exactly?

marg slid next to you when you went out for fresh air, nudging you by the waist with hers. “obvious again.”

“w-what?” you widened your eyes, earning a sly grin from your sister. “obvious about what?”

“your heart is on your sleeves. i can see it. the others might do too. so tell me, do you like jaehyun?” she crossed her arms, her grin widening when you began to be jittery again.

“ha?! no!” you stuttered and lied, and you knew marg’s claims hit the nail.

because not only did the past four days of not talking with jaehyun had a toll on your pact, but it definitely had on your heart. there were a total of four things you discovered about him.

1. jaehyun was a fast learner. he learned to clean horse hooves, saddle them and even did carpentry in one day.

2. he had humour but no one really acknowledged it, and appeared a little dorky to you.

3. his dimples were actually cute and has a vampire smile.

4. he really did have a heart for people too. you saw how he helped out your family whenever you were absent.

sometimes these traits softened you, and sometimes you wanted to at least be his friend. but you weren’t close to being one because the pact clearly prevents you to and in the end, it was better off that way. marg held your shoulder. “i know you fight a lot but that’s when the developing starts.” she paused, looking back at the barn. “jaehyun seems alright but you’re really being too obvious.”

“again, obvious about what? i hate it when you’re so vague stating your point.”

“if you wanna talk with him just do it.” she turned around a little to see the said man removing his gloves. “i noticed you’re both distant. it’s been four days so i’m guessing you’re not used to not fighting him. you tend to miss whatever you both stopped doing.”

you pinched her cheek. “do you even know how mentally draining it is to reason out with him?” you darted a gaze at her before a weight was put upon your head. it wasn’t that long for you to realise it was jaehyun. gosh how irritating. you even recognised the perfume he wore.

“i know exactly how that feels, marg.” jaehyun winked at her. “can’t mess with this one,” he messed your hairdo. “she’s feistier than most animals i’ve encountered.”

his giggle of pride echoed in your ears and you thought you were able to tolerate his reply but no. whether he was doing his part for the pact or not, whether he was enjoying this or not, he became more of a jerk the longer he stayed here.

“i’ll leave you two to talk. the light in y/n’s eyes changed when you arrived- ah!” she held her arm as you pushed her aside, and she was proudly walking away with what she had done.

jaehyun shoved his hands in pockets as he gestured you to follow him into the barn. it was only the two of you now while the rest surveyed other parts of the land with hendery. he held jet’s reins, usually your horse would react whenever strangers would. not to jaehyun, shockingly. you bit your lips in wonders what this man had in his mind.

“i just checked him like you taught me. he’s dehydrated.” he pinched a part of its skin close to the mane. “you practiced this morning right? didn’t give him water?”

“i gave him enough.” you unlocked the gate to jet, soon petting him. you couldn’t help but feel immense awkwardness. “did his skin snap back?”

“not as fast as i expected but he needs a little more fluids to keep the levels normal.” jaehyun wrote down numbers before handing your notebook to you, and you thought today was going to pass again without progress for the pact. “i’m gonna walk around for a bit. later.”

“hey.” you called out perhaps a little too rudely and instead of talking things through. he stopped in his tracks. “setting the vet thing aside, aren’t you being too quiet right when we have a week left? it’s been four days and by now some of them might notice the sudden silence. did you forget about the pact?” you asked, not knowing why you were fuming all of a sudden.

maybe it was because he was only staring at you. or that marg’s obversation was slowly getting to you and convincing that her hunch about you was right. “you’re a jerk when i met you but you’re even more so nowadays.”

jaehyun turned around with pursed lips, he didn’t like how you always assumed, especially giving him nicknames in which his friends also have gotten used to calling him those. “me? a jerk? i’m doing all i can to stop this marriage because we both know how it feels to be controlled.”

his answer only made you laugh. “ha you don’t know anything about me, jaehyun. if you’re actually doing something why haven’t you done anything then? you’re being careless-”

he brushed his hair & wore his cap backwards. “it’s not about if i’ve done something! y/n it’s about what you did!” jaehyun pulled you to a corner in caution if anyone heard him. “you were loud and careless! last week johnny asked me if we made a pact because he heard you mentioning it! i assure you he has a mind i still couldn’t understand and he’s probably trying to connect the dots now-”

“wai- you’re saying he knows about it and you’re only telling me now?!” you slammed jet’s gate, your eyes fixed him. “you could’ve told me right then and we could’ve solved this as soon as possible! how much do you think he knows?”

jaehyun slowly rubbed his face, shook his head and shrugged shoulders. “i don’t know! but you know what happens when he figures out we’re arguing for show? he’ll tell everyone we did that because we’re against this marriage! and in the end? we’ll be stuck with each other for life-”

“ugh don’t even tell me about it i couldn’t even stand the sight of you!” you wrapped yourself more in your coat, stomping straight outside and ignoring his reactions towards you.

“why are you like this when it’s clearly your fault?!” he quickly grabbed your shoulders to forcibly turn you around. “i’m telling you and you’re so reactive about it?”

you pointed at his chest. “no! it’s your fault for not telling me sooner!”

“oh so now it’s my fault? y/n look at yourself! can’t you see that someone impudent like you can cause troubles even for a slightest bit! you’re at fault!”

impudent?.. this was all too familiar and nostalgic.

jaehyun then closed his eyes at the stinging pain in the groin. “ugh what the hel-”

“you deserve that-”

right when that felt good and you wanted to hit him more, you were yanked backwards by a force. you fought back the arms restraining you. “y/n stop!”

“let me go wong kunhang! this jerk needs a lesson!” you growled in his arms, shimmying your body through them.

hendery reminded you of your shoulder and soon you stopped. “i’m sure that kick was enough for a lesson and calm down, will you?”

“jae you alright?” johnny helped him up. “hope it’s not too injured because you still need that for reproduction-”

“seriously? now’s not the time.” jaehyun glared at him then to you, you were now like deer in the headlights with his stare. “this is why i can’t stand you.”

mark, hendery and johnny looked at each other trying to figure what had happened. “what were you two arguing about?” hearing hendery ask, you tugged on your coat once he let go of you. “we heard her yelling that she couldn’t stand the sight of you and then you’re both blaming each other.”

you hesitatingly looked down to your boots, avoiding their curious gazes. fidgety as you knew you were, you tried not to respond. they heard from that far of our conversation.. oh my go-

as if jaehyun could read your mind, he cleared his throat. “it’s nothing. y/n’s just stubborn as usual. she doesn’t want to admit her fault when i told her jet’s dehydrated. guess she didn’t want to look irresponsible.”

“classic y/n.” your cheeks suffered from hendery’s squeezing palms. “how many times do i have to tell you to behave? c’mon you’re better than this.”

jaehyun sighed in relief that they were convinced with his reasoning.

jet’s snout poked your arm and exhaled, you cursed under your breath for not locking the gate. “then you should know why i’m like this.” you reiterated with a flat smile. “i’m gonna go to the bar for a drink. don’t bother me.”

“oh then we’re coming with! mark! you’re driving!” johnny pulled the boys into jaehyun’s car. “this hurt dude needs cheering up after you nearly ended his career for having kids.”

“maybe it’s better off that way?” you grinned with a tattling tone.

“i hate you so-” jaehyun barked before his voice was shut off by the car door. his expression became funnier with how the vehicle muted his voice.

jet and cash trotted slowly to let the car go first, hendery rode ahead of you as you followed him. beside the roadside was fields of green, laying flat with new flowers that have yet to bloom. by now the horses were galloping alongside the car, you could feel jaehyun shooting daggers at you. the joy to horse ride diminished when you took a glimpse of him pointing at you, sliding his clenched fist from left to right and pointing at his chest.

you’re dead to me. he spoke with his eyes. and you could hear his annoying voice in your head.

you flicked the reins to ride faster, passing hendery and cash. reaching the bar first would make you feel better and it would at least let the neighbourhood know you weren’t hanging out with boys like him. you soon unmounted yourself from jet and led him to an area where he could stay.

the bell chimed and you raised your hand for a simple mocktail. funny how you told the boys you’d be here for a drink yet didn’t plan to get drunk. you sat by the bartender’s while you saw them entering and sat at one table by the window. honestly you could’ve went elsewhere instead but this bar was the closest from home. and right now you really needed to clear your mind.

to clear your mind from jaehyun because you knew he’d be the death of you.

—

and how you ended up on the same table with them was too hazy for you to recall.

“i was like, singing my heart out at one karaoke place after i was rejected from the coffee shop i applied to. then the girl of my dreams had appear while i was all sweaty and sloppy and i was shirtless! it was really-” johnny spoke too fast for you to hear and curled his fingers remembering it.

“second hand embarrassment was too much at that point.” jaehyun chuckled and sipped on his glass.

“but john, you got her to say yes even though you’re high and wild.” mark raised his palm for a fistbump.

mark turned to you. “y/n what’s something you couldn’t forget?”

you smiled slyly towards your childhood friend and hendery’s panicked face resurfaced with begging hands. you feel yourself going tipsy but went for storytelling anyway. “this previous halloween i forced hendery to dress as rapunzel because i wanted to dress as pascal.”

mark let out a contagious laugh which had everyone giggling too. you brought out your cracked screen phone which jaehyun broke and showed a picture of you on a piggyback ride with hendery. the said man cowered himself from the compliments and while you continue to keep him in the spotlight. jaehyun found it unbelievable that you were quickly switched from cranky to giggly when drunk.

“here’s the awesome part,” you slurred your words with hiccuped breaths. “around nine guys asked me to ask for his number and i gave it to them! he was that hot! i could never compete!”

jaehyun oddly cackled out loud and you all turned heads to him. “of course you could never! i mean look at you!”

his friends raised brows as jaehyun was enjoying this a little too much. perhaps taking advantage of your drunken self. “you dress weird and your hair’s a mess. you’re always rude and sometimes smelling like a horse. by the way that’s such a turn off to guys like us. like do you even bathe-”

you were definitely tipsy but you understood his words clear enough to feel a wave of emotions blanket over you. forgotten memories began play in your head and began to sulk.

“yeah i know i’m like this and so what if i’m plain and ordinary?” you whined and the boys held their breaths.

“my parents think i couldn’t take care of myself after i dislocated my shoulder at cross-country.” jaehyun heard you.

“because of that they started to pair me with accomplished men they think could give me a better life. so i misbehave every time they bring a suitor over.” you propped elbows on the table and glared at jaehyun. “you’re the fifth and before you arrived i lied to mom and dad that i recovered, hoping they’d stop and leave me alone but nope! they think you’re the one-”

hendery managed to catch your collapsed body from falling. he let out a soft laugh. “mhm, she spills a little too much when she’s drunk-”

you covered his lips and did several clicks of your tongue. “i’m tipsy! not drunk but tipsy! are you spilling tea about my life to that jerk?”

he scoffed lightly. “of course not! i didn’t tell him anything.” he lied.

you pinched his cheek. “i doubt it. you’re a talkative donkey! they should cast you to be part of shrek musical next fall!” you giggled and tried to keep yourself awake from all that drowsiness. your eyes dropping to slumber.

“m’lady.” he fixed you on his side and you were now carried on his back. “jaehyun doesn’t know a thing.” he cooed, giving jaehyun a wink to zip his mouth shut regarding the topic.

small sobs began to bubble out from you, you clung onto hendery. “ah jaehyun? you know that jerk called me impudent? he said i always cause troubles but what choice to i have? i don’t want to be betrothed!” you wailed and mark and johnny raised brows at jaehyun as soon as you said it. “hendery he called me impudent! he’s just like dad and i hate them both!” you leaned on his shoulders.

“but do you really hate jaehyun?” johnny smirked as he enjoyed how open you were compared to being sober. jaehyun noticed where this was going and tried to stop him but the tall lad shushed him when you spoke.

“yes!” you slurred with a lopsided smile and narrow brows, which looked strange as they couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing.

“i hate him because he’s so prideful! ‘jeong jaehyun, veterinary medicine student’ my butt. i should’ve been one too but daddy said no.” you pout, soon knocking out. “i hate how.. handsome that jerk looks-”

your friend hopped slightly and quickly got out of the bar so you wouldn’t cause a scene any further. “i’ll bring her to my place, it’s just a block from here. you guys can go ahead.” he told the guys to call it a night. “i’ll take jet and cash to my stables at home. see y’all tomorrow.”

they got on the car and started the engine. jaehyun read the atmosphere among them, he fixed the front mirror and saw mark and johnny with questioning looks. “what?”

“did you really call y/n impudent?” mark played with the buttons of the window.

jaehyun stepped on the pedal to head to your place. his friends bombarded him with what if’s and was too tired to respond. but just to shut them up, he replied.

“i was angry when i said that. i didn’t really mean-”

“do you think she meant it when she said you’re handsome?” johnny asked to cut off the weird vibe lingering while mark propped his fists to rest.

“she’s drunk. not like she can remember it anyway.” jaehyun clenched on the wheel.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you woke up in hendery’s bed with a tray of breakfast on his desk table. you slid it towards yourself to eat when a folded paper fell from underneath.

i saw jaehyun at the grocery store earlier, he asked me to pass this breakfast to you. also! he said he’ll be at the barn’s loft. now go meet him. ~hendery

great, he pissed you off yesterday and he was the last person you wanted to see today. what was his plan now? he prepared breakfast and yet what was the use of eating the meal when it has gone cold? you tied your hair to a top bun and wore your glasses, quickly grabbing your coat, onto to jet’s back and went to the barn.

the sun’s heat was enough to make you warm on the way there. jaehyun swung his legs while he waited. he stared at the ground when a shadow appeared, you stood at the entrance asking him to come down.

he did that, but there was a different air around him. it was the same air as those four days of silence between the two of you. “at least you’re not late.” he slid his palms into his back pockets.

“did you want to talk to me about something?” you asked with a slice of bread in your mouth. he nodded with intense eyes. “then make it quick. i have to make my rounds-”

“i’ll go with you.” jaehyun suggested and you choked on your bread.

“what?” you gulped on the huge piece stuck in your throat and stopped him from walking. “why not tell me now?”

he pulled you to jet’s stall and pushed your back to mount on the saddle. “‘cause it’s better if they don’t see us talking normally when we’re supposed to be at each other’s throats.”

he’s definitely up to something..

jaehyun rode a bike, leading you and jet through woods and up on a hill where its summit towers part of your family’s lands. from here you could see your house and tiny figures you assumed were his friends. you haven’t gotten a clue why jaehyun was being nice again. and if he was, why today? why bring you all the way here to have this conversation? you couldn’t think of anything at all and maybe you should’ve eaten the meal he prepared for you.

when the winds blew, jaehyun spoke in a soft voice. he was awkward, you could tell that, but what he did was something you didn’t expect. he leaned back with his palms on the grass. “i’m sorry i called you names.”

hm.. you better be.

that apology alone pierced your heart, in a good way. if he was tired from all the negativity and endless banters, so were you. it had been fifteen days after all. maybe this was a cool break before continuing with the pact. “which ones?” you copied his position and counted your fingers one by one. “there’s ugly.. shorty.. lazy ass.. a no brainer-”

“i didn’t call you tha-” he paused, his lips forming an ‘o’ until he pursed them together seeing you mimic him on his laptop. “right. i implied it when you wanted me to teach you equine studies. anyway the bottom point is, i’m sorry for calling you impudent.”

you chuckled, but to him it sounded more of a scoff. “haven’t heard that in ages. never expected i’d hear that again.” you looked at him, he did too, there was a stare down before you spoke again.

“but yeah. i guessed you did that to fulfill your part for the pact. the guys were probably nearby and you thought of that to spark up the conversation. are we done?”

jaehyun rested his arm on his knees. “no that’s not what i meant- i’m being sincere here.”

“okay? then tell me what’s on your mind. you brought me up here. it’s gotta be something worth my time.”

“i feel like the pact just brings the worse out. and whenever it does, i don’t feel myself anymore. like this is not me.”

he picked up a dandelion, letting the wind take its soft pieces. he wished his feelings weren’t easily swayed like the flower’s petals. he knew he was easily hotheaded, stubborn and mr. perfect, but should he always be like these?

“then who is the real you?” you caught some flying pieces of the flower before looking back at him for answers.

“a studious douche who got his heart broken by his ex.” he shrugged and waited for your bicker, but you sat there with shocked eyes and struggled to find what to say. “yeah, in case you’re still surprised, i do have a heart for people.”

“i heard you.” you flicked his temple.

he held back fists from hitting back. “hey why’d you hit me?”

“it’s my way of being affectionate.” you laid on the grass and while he copied, you thought that jaehyun had a point, how the pact seemed a good approach yet with deteriorating results.

“by being violent?” jaehyun moaned as he asked. “ever thought that a pat in the back would be better?”

you glared at him. “let’s continue what we’re doing with another condition.. no personal or evil intentions whatsoever, or maybe a slight hint that we’d start dissing. we’re doing this for ourselves and..” you cleared your throat. “..helping out a friend.”

it made total sense, because he knew how much of an effect it did when the purpose of the pact was done unconsciously and naturally. he let out a tight and breathless sigh between his lips. “i’m your friend? after calling you all that?”

“i just needed something to describe you. would calling you a douche make you feel better after you apologised?” you stood up and headed downhill.

“well you did call me ‘handsome’ last night.” jaehyun singsonged and carefully walked down the stoned steps.

you froze at how stupid and blabbermouth you could be whenever you went to the bar. “i don’t remember, since i’ve been studying the things you taught me.”

“you can ask the others if you think i’m lying.”

“y’know what? i take back the condition i said.” you quickly hopped on jet to head back. “don’t bother me!”

“what do you mean studying? you’re planning to pursue vet sci? hey!”

“yeah.” you made jet walk in circles around the confused man, and your one-word response had jaehyun confirming you already decided to tell your father about it.

and it’d be on christmas eve too.

—

for almost half an hour marg couldn’t contain her feelings after you told her what had happened. marg squealed and you quickly covered her mouth since the door wasn’t entirely closed. she squeezed the pillow and hid herself behind it.

“he apologised?! such a gentleman! i mean mark didn’t really tell me the details but jaehyun really felt guilty?” she put the pillow down and crawled next to you on your bed.

as to why she reacted this way remained unclear to you, you figured it was probably she watched too many rom-coms with johnny in the past few days. “i admit, it was considerate of him to do that. but it doesn’t prove he’s already a good man.” you fixed your files and past researches of veterinary science. “sometimes an apology isn’t enough.”

your sister nudged you in a force causing you to stumble in your stance. “ey you’re too mean. him apologising is already enough of a sign that he’s a good one, and raised well.”

“i don’t know marg.” you slumped on your bed. “my head’s hurting because of him.”

she raised a brow and gave you a teasing look. “by thinking of him or he just couldn’t get out of your head?” she kicked her feet to escape your balling fists.

“why are you reacting if it’s not true?!” her giggles grew in volume as she brought out her phone record your reaction.

“get out of my room!”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

jaehyun walked around the mart in response to yet another order from you. it had to be a day before christmas eve too. he should be feeling the very essence of christmas and because of you, he didn’t. people who happened to pass by him swore they saw a walking corpse, while some sensed a spreading dark cloud hovering above him.

his demeanour quickly shifting and changing as if the clouds blocked his rays of sunshine. he was mumbling to himself and those who stood close by took careful small steps away from jaehyun, for he sounded like he was enchanting a spell.

he thought about it a lot— whether it there’d be a difference between the two of you if you hadn’t taken back that condition. because now that he was controlled like a pawn again, he wasn’t going to back down or lose to you. at least for the past few days since then he saw an improvement. you weren’t as violent, not a single word of hate from you nor were they intentional. it was obvious you were helping out. a small smile managed its way to resurface until he saw a reflection of himself looking like an idiot. jaehyun, you’re a fool. you shouldn’t be feeling this.

ignoring his subconscious, he turned a heel at the next grocery aisle when a voice attracted attention, at least to him it sounded like hendery. hearing your name from an unfamiliar man’s lips had him peeking secretly at a distance. “i suppose y/n’s behaving well with jaehyun?”

“better than everyone expected.” hendery followed him with hands deep in pockets. “aside their petty arguments, she gets along with him, mr. y/l/n.”

“that’s good to hear. i knew the jeong’s would never fail my expectations. their son is in vet school, yes?”

the mentioned name chilled him to the bone. he wasn’t to supposed to be feeling in this manner yet the very presence of your father already had gotten his shoes glued to the ground. hendery nodded and continued to walk along with him. “i hope he doesn’t encourage her about it too much. having y/n marry him would keep her quiet about ever continuing vet school.”

jaehyun’s back grazed the products he lightly leaning upon and stood still in his thoughts. he wasn’t the type to eavesdrop on others, let alone your family issues. although he was briefly told about your rocky relationship with your father and couldn’t hear much of the conversation, he shouldn’t care or meddle with it but.. did mr. y/l/n really think that?

and he remembered how you told him you’d pursue veterinary.

he fished for his phone with certainty that he would tell you what he had heard. he nearly dropped his phone when it rang and your name appeared as the caller. staring at it for a while, never in his life had he ever hesitated before— given that he was a straight forward person, he wanted to tell you.

and he didn’t know why he decided to keep his mouth shut and stayed behind, instead of doing the opposite. hendery noticed him beside the hundreds of chocolate chip buckets. “oh jaehyun!” he greeted, making your father turn his head around. “come here!”

jaehyun pressed his lips for being caught, steadily and unwilling to go them. he wished that now would be the appropriate time to be walking on super glue, he really didn’t have the mood to talk to your father. it wasn’t the right time as their conversation about you would probably escalate from there.

“hello mr. y/l/n, i’m-” he greeted, unknowingly staring at him longer because you were his carbon-copy.

“i know you’re jaehyun and i’ve been updated enough that i wouldn’t have to be physically at my residence to know your good qualities.”

“glad to know someone’s giving you the correct information.” jaehyun smiled, subtly gazing straight at hendery with more pressure on the tone of the name. hendery then clamped his lips to a close, regretting he should’ve minded his words carefully.

mr. y/l/n nodded with a chuckle— even hendery rarely saw him doing so, ever. and this only proved that there wouldn’t be a better groom fit for you other than the son of his childhood friends. “i like your personality. mind joining me for tea?”

jaehyun read the situation, and what your father was up to. he had to listen for another half hour even though he felt his phone continually vibrating then stopping. he knew it was you, but how could he answer when the person you grew to hate was with him at this moment? one word from him through a phone call would make you go berserk.

anyone could see that jaehyun was fighting a mental dilemma. for anyone it would be an easy question to answer; free food, you’re in. his future father-in-law asked for company, sure why not. jaehyun felt like he only one answer, and it had to be a correct one. he gulped and though he eyes wavered, he agreed anyway. “i don’t mind, but y/n would probably be moody if i don’t return immediately.”

“mhm, no worries. i won’t keep you long.” mr. y/l/n said, and jaehyun didn’t know why he had a small heart attack on what possibly could follow.

he lead him to a restaurant, hendery nudged the troubled-looking dimpled man. “sorry dude. he likes snacking on things but i’ll try to divert his attention so you can go to y/n asap.”

—

the relieved sigh didn’t last long when looked up from the ground. jaehyun spotted you crossing arms with a slight worrisome look. your fingers then pointed at the kitchen window and it looked like his soul left his body and his footsteps on the ankle-high snow. the curtains indoors brushed to one side with his parents facing back from the windowsill at the upper balcony.

his heart was beating his chest as if it wanted to go out. he planned to tell you what he and your father talked about, but in that previous hour he missed out your text messages and calls— not knowing they were that important. now he knew why they were.

you took his phone and clicked on the lock button, he didn’t check your means to reaching him. they were still in the lockscreen. “i know you’re a seenzoner but you shouldn’t ignore important calls! i was calling you an hour ago because your parents came so suddenly. did you know about their change of plans?”

he gave you other paper bag and made his way inside. “no they were supposed to arrive tomorrow.” to you jaehyun seemed grumpy for doing groceries, but it was obviously not the case when kept looking elsewhere. he bit his inner gums in question as to why he was venting out his irritation at you instead of the revelation that was told to him.

you followed him in and began bring out the items to set the remaining food on the kitchen island. something told you not to go overboard with the planned argument you had in mind, but you couldn’t handle the way he was acting now, as well as giving you the sudden silent treatment. behaving this way was such a wrong timing and you decided to cut the silence before it made you feel worse than you already were. “you good?”

“y-yeah.” he tilted down to take a quick look at you while realising lately how you hadn’t been sleeping well. the puffiness under your eyes was proof. he cleared his throat. “uh, i should be asking you but have you been studying.. lately? or have you been staying up all night?” he asked, changing the subject.

he twitched at your outburst excitement with your palms rested on his arm, shaking it vigorously. now that he reminded you, you gestured him for a whisper. “i found another way to stop this marriage without us hurting each other.”

what? his eyes grew big.

“aren’t you hurting me now?” he cleared his throat, referring to the reddening spot on his skin from your grip. he knew what you meant. he knew you’ve been sitting in your bed the whole day, reading e-books and going over past lectures documents.

“if i tell my dad that i’m pursuing vet school again, i think this time he’d let me. i’m confident because i do have a degree in equestrian sport science. imagine the benefit if have a degree in veterinary?” you opened a carton of milk to drink. “i wonder if my credits’ still applicable?”

“you sure you wanna do that?” jaehyun held the top your head, gripping it as if it were a basketball. “it’s gonna take you years to finish.”

“scared to have a competitor in the field, jaehyun?” your voice challenged him.

he wasn’t scared at all, he loved competitions as well as proving he could do things. but, he was scared for you. he knew the outcome of all this because it was already planned out. he was told by your father during tea break before he arrived here.

chills slowly went down your spine with that one, subtle, short silence from him.

“i’m not scared. it’s just that..” you shot up your head at his remark. he trailed off and shut his lips seeing your parents enter the living room with his beloveds.

“just what?” you stared at him with a long hum.

he had to lie and keep his opinions to himself. “are you able to take on hard words in that tiny brain of yours?” jaehyun scoffed, leaning in closer to provoke an argument with his hands patting your head.

“hey! you’re insulting my height, not my brain!” he heard your innocent whines as if they were precious— too precious that he wanted to protect you than to fight you; just for tonight.

and for the first time he was laughing sincerely at you.

week three had you imagining things, that he would look at you so differently. instead of horns they’d be halos, softer looks than tensed ones, and most of all you wonder what changed him within a day. it was confusing that he would show another side of him, then go back to what he was when you first met him.

but tonight? his possibility of change soon went void.

during dinner, whether or not it was right, that choice you made became one of the two things you regret to do and say. your father said his ultimatum in a low voice by the hallway, isolated from everyone enjoying the celebration.

“dad, please. i’ve done what you want. i think it’s time you’d allow me to do what i want.” you kept your head low in all hope this would be your final time to ask. “i’m successful as an equestrian, i hope to be more so as a veterinarian. please let me continue. i don’t want to get married yet-”

“still holding onto it, y/n?” he scoffed and took quick glances at his surroundings. “i’ve done everything for you to be known, raised you to be the best rider out there-”

and he too, held with the same stupid reason. “no dad! i raised myself to be the best because heavens knows how much damage it’ll cost me if i failed you-”

“this is the last time i saying it, you’re never going to be one.”

“but dad! you know how badly i want to be a vet-” you whined and hoping you wouldn’t cry because you promised yourself you wouldn’t.

“y/n you’re marrying jaehyun solely for that reason!” he whisper-yelled, making your heart squeeze tight because you could see how your complaints have pissed him off. “he seemed to be agreeing with me after i invited him for tea.” he fixed his hair.

w-what did he just say?..

he loosened the top button of his shirt; his gaze still scared you like it did that night. he held his temples to reason out with you. “discipline yourself tonight. i do not want hear anything from you about this matter ever again.” the impact of his tone shattered you. not only your mood but with how you perceived jaehyun as a whole.

you couldn’t remember much afterwards, anger roamed around your head and as much you kept your composure, jaehyun has a sharp eye. you’ve been quiet since coming from the hallway, hours have passed too since your father called you upstairs.

“are you alright?” jaehyun leaned on the refrigerator while you took some fruits from it. figured that you were completely ignoring him, he grabbed your favourite sweater to snap you out of your clouded feelings. “are we doing the pact now?”

it was getting suffocating being next to him. the audacity of what he did disgusted you. “hey tell me-”

you shut the fridge’s door with much force, held your breath and went to the sink to wash them. “i’m not doing it. and what’s there to tell you? just because i opened up to you that doesn’t mean we’re already close.” you coldly answered with a irritated look.

jaehyun was abruptly taken back, his hand let go of your clothes. “why are you’re suddenly like this?”

you began washing the apples as well as peeling their skin. “you’re not born yesterday, jaehyun. this is my usual self.”

“no y/n, i’m not talking about-”

“what the hell is your deal?” jaehyun could hear you mumble even with the loud blasting of holiday playlists.

“i just want to know if we’re starting the argument,. it seems like you’re doing your part-”

“you knew all along, didn’t you?” the sound of peeling almost excruciating to your ears but nothing more than his reaction to your question. ‘that my dad would refuse my plead.”

painful as it was, his expression changed. he was colder than the snow outside, heartless as a predator and unresponsive like a dead man. he just stared at you straight, acknowledging it with soft wavers of his brown orbs.

and that alone was enough to break you to pieces.

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary (bird model) + slightly burnt lion secondary

Hi there! I’m a fan of your sorting posts, and of your kind and insightful way of supporting people in finding out more about themselves. So naturally I’d be very interested in your take about my own sorting, if you’re game! :)

I won’t talk much about my Secondary, because now that I’m starting to unburn my Lion seems very clear to me, even when my explosion-prone Badger model still tries to get in the way of that clarity sometimes. The more interesting riddle is my Primary. So far I’m operating under the working theory that I am a Lion with a very strong Bird model - or is it the other way ‘round?

The supposed dichotomy between “thinking” and “feeling” in many of the more binary personality models has always bugged me, so it’s no wonder this is the area where whenever I feel like I’ve decided on who I am (for now) a new question mark pops up (so much fun!).

If ‘thinking’ and ‘feeling’ doesn’t work for you as terminology, it might help to think of Lion as leading with subconscious reasoning, and Bird as leading with conscious reasoning.

Instead of trying to formulate a cohesive text, which would have gotten even longer, I’m putting together an associative list of thoughts and stories that kept turning up while I was trying to figure out my Primary.

A very Lion primary way to solve a problem, not gonna lie ;)

- I think I got my Bird model from my father, who made quite an effort to teach me to look at things from all angles. As a child, whenever I got in a fight with this friend I had, he would sit me down and ask me to put myself in my friend’s shoes. It was hard, because a lot of the time my friend was being unfair to me and I actually could have used some support, someone to tell me that it was not okay to treat me this way. But I’m still immeasurably grateful for my father’s lessons, through which I’ve learned to understand peoples’ motivations and gained an understanding for the complexities of every conflict. He also taught me to doubt, to look closer, to not just believe the first thing I see, or want to see. To this day I still consider my ability to pin down the relevant factors of a situation before I make judgments one of my strengths.

That definitely sounds like a very strong, beloved Bird model.

- Whenever I had to write an essay at school or uni, I first had to come up with some aspect about the subject that I really cared about, even could be passionate about. (I am passionate about many things, so it was usually possible to find some connection to that.) Then I would use the essay to discuss this aspect in great detail, ending with a polemic flourish. I had the time of my life doing that; meanwhile the text would structure itself magically in relation to the issue I had chosen to focus on. Whenever I tried to write without such a focus, I’d get bored, stressed and the text would be of a much lower quality.

- Something similar happened in oral exams at uni: Only when I got the opportunity to bring a discussion paper (a few pointed statements regarding the exam topic) which I could then debate, I was able to recollect all the important details I needed for that. If I just had to report on the topic or answer questions, I often got confused, to the point of drawing a complete blank.

Linking things to emotion and passion - thinking with emotion and passion, basically - is a Lion primary thing. Especially if doing that makes you feel safe & comfortable & effective & happy.

- Even as a teenager I was very interested in philosophy, ethics and moral decision making.

I love teaching philosophy to teenagers. It’s the perfect time for it, they are so into it, and if it were up to me I would absolutely make it a required class.

I picked up certain philosophical ideas and concepts that I liked and integrated them in my belief system (yes, I know how very Bird that sounds).

I had my mind blown by Genealogy of Morals in high school, and I still won’t shut about Eichmann in Jerusalem. But what was so staggering to me in high school was… here are these ways of thinking that are possible and allowed. The fact that here they are in words in front of me made me a great deal more expansive.

Now that I think about it — I don’t remember adjusting my beliefs as in any way traumatic back then. The shift from a belief in the Christian God to Mother Goddess to my very own brand of agnostic paganism was smooth, natural.

Now that I think about it… I would describe myself as a mythic relativist (which is a term I just made up.) Systems of belief are metaphors, and they’re metaphors trying to describe and say something large and beautiful about what it means to be human, and what it means to live a good life. And since we are all human, they are all attempting to describe the same central, indescribable thing in different ways.

I feel this very deeply, but it took me a long while to be able to articulate it.

I constantly reevaluate, and I adapt.

You stop reevaluating and adapting, might as well be dead.

Still, there are some basics I’ve kept with me that just make too much sense to me to give up, and some that perhaps I keep because I just really like them and I’m kind of attached to them.

… somebody’s thinking with Pathos :)

- I’m a constructivist at heart, so that makes it much easier to tweak the content of my beliefs while staying true to the principle that we (socially) construct our reality, and (my take on this): that I choose what kind of world I want to live in, and according to that I make choices which are the most likely to create that world.

- At uni I attended a seminar about the development of moral judgment and action. What I remember most clearly about it is how much it bugged me that the other students didn’t seem to understand that morality always depends on the perspective. Even though I had definite moral convictions that I was ready to fight for, at the same time it seemed obvious to me that theoretically there could be a justification for every kind of moral guideline; it depended on your principles and the world you wanted to live in.

A human after my own heart.

I wanted to understand these different perspectives, not talk about empty categories like “right and wrong” or “good and evil” that meant nothing to me. I still feel that way.

Absolutely. I don’t use alignments when I DM Dungeons & Dragons. I mean, I can list evil *things* but that’s not the same thing as defining *being evil.* I want to know WHY these people did these evil things.

It just seems so impractical and complicated to base a conversation on those broad categories that don’t have any definition people can agree on instead of referring either to defined principles (in order to explain what good/ bad is *for you*) or consequences of certain actions, and whether you want them/ accept them/ don’t want them.

Oh that’s a fun discussion. Asking a highschooler to define “evil.”

(and then they have to figure out what moral systems Jigsaw, Pinhead, the Joker, and Bane all subscribe to.)

- Between “the Revolutionary” and “the Grail Knight”, I would love to be the former, but I’m clearly the latter. I’m someone who questions, not someone who knows.

Take my archetypes with a grain of salt, they are supposed to describe characters. (Who are different from people - but still useful, because they are attempts to describe us.) I actually want to write more about the differences I see between the way fictional secondaries are written and the way real-life secondaries work.

And just “knowing”... is dangerous. That’s how Exploded Lions happen. 

There are a lot of causes I find worthy to fight for, but I haven’t committed to any one, which so far I’ve attributed to my Burned Secondary (How do I do things?).

Sounds about right.

If I’m honest, though, it feels a bit strange to really, really fight for anything. I’d rather contribute to the cause by keeping an eye on whether we stay aligned to our values on every level of the fight, not by storming sightlessly in front of some army. (I got polemic again, didn’t I? ;))

So after all this Bird talk, why do I think that I’m a Lion?

… that was the Bird segment?

- I trust my intuition. It has never steered me wrong, with one exception: My Primary burned for a time when I first understood the concept of privilege and internalized bias, which was coincidentally at a time when I also went through a lot of changes in my personal life. Like many people unaware of their own privilege, I had thought of myself as “one of the good ones”. I learned that even with the best intentions I could cause great harm without even noticing it. This then also happened to me in a relationship, when I was already confused, hurt and more than a bit burned. It seemed like I couldn’t trust my intuition anymore, but I also couldn’t figure out intellectually what to believe, because I felt mentally overwhelmed by all those new concepts, all of which put my previous convictions into question. Which Primary burned then?

Been there, done that, it’s brutal. It sounds to me like a Lion dramatically changing direction - that’s what I mean when I say that it *hurts* when a Lion changes their mind. Birds see their past selves that thought wrong as almost different people. “I wasn’t aware of my privilege then, now I am, and can take steps doing forward.” But if you’re a lion it’s like… I *should* have been aware, and the fact that I wasn’t says something terrible about my moral/emotional calibration, and THAT has to be put right.

- I felt like everything I had learned about the world and myself didn’t count anymore. My concepts and my strategies didn’t serve me anymore. So I started to rebuild everything from scratch, this time with less pride and more practicality.

Yeah. That’s some Lion recalibration. With a Bird Model, to help.

- Anyway, I trust my intuition. It contains my experiences, instinct and all my accumulated unconscious observations of the situation, and it’s very reliable. Usually I use it as an important source of information which I try to back up with data/ understanding, but when push came to shove and the apparent facts would contradict what my intuition told me, I would be unable to set my gut feeling aside. I wouldn’t follow it blindly, of course. But I would never just go against it either. If the voices of my unconscious and conscious mind don’t align, I keep poking at the issue until they do. If I absolutely cannot come to a satisfying conclusion, I go with my gut. Since I know it usually knows what it’s doing, I’ll find out the reasons for my feelings later. (Weird, says my inner bird who is busy compiling these examples.)

I’LL FIND THE REASON FOR MY FEELINGS LATER. What a perfect way of articulating what is perhaps the central experience of being a Lion primary.

- Probably I’m just both, you know. Some interesting lion/bird-chimaera. I like it.

I read you as a pretty clear Lion Primary, Bird primary model. But as always, the decision is very personal.

- I have a weird way of processing information: I read/ hear it, work to understand it, work to connect it to existing knowledge in my mind, then my beliefs, my existing knowledge and my feelings about it all wind around each other, grow into each other, some dissolve together, becoming a swamp which then nourishes the plants of new ideas and connections that grow from it.

You grok it. And that’s not weird.

I often can’t remember where certain knowledge came from. I can’t take it out of a memory shelf and tell you about it. I usually remember that I’ve read a certain book and whether I liked it / it influenced me, but I won’t exactly remember what was in it, even if it was important to me. Because all that information is already processed/ digested/ transformed into something new. It’s much easier to access my memory swamp intuitively than consciously.

and you seriously had like… any doubt that you were a Lion.

In intellectual discussions I tend to get stuck because I just can’t remember enough of the details (for my satisfaction), just my conclusions about the topic and how I feel about it.

I’m inclined to think that not accessing the details is either a secondary thing, or an entirely unrelated processing thing.

What do you make of all this? I’m very curious!

:)

[On an unrelated note, I’d like to specify the compliment I made at the beginning of this post. I’m really impressed with your ability to pick up on what people need, not just what they say they want. As a counselor this is a skill I try to hone, so I know how difficult it is to not get too distracted by the story people tell and miss the more subtle cues. You have a powerful combination of perceptiveness, insight and so much kindness, which you use to effectively support people who have questions, are in distress or confused. You don’t generalize. You don’t judge. You see the people who talk to you.  I love that you’re a teacher, because I can see you’re using the influence that gives you in a way that contributes to making the world a better place. Fellow Idealist, I’d like to give you a High Five for that, if I may. :)))]

I’m not sure I’ve ever been given a better compliment. Thank you.

[crowtrinkets]

Your Weary Widow Marches

A Gender Neutral MCxFelix fic in which our dear barista educates their teacher and shows him some music from their home.

I’ve never really written fanfiction before but I thought Id give it a shot. The formatting looks weird on my end so if it looks weird after posting I apologize I couldn’t figure it out. Hope you enjoy!

—-

The crackling fire and pages being turned were the only sounds heard for the past few hours. Felix and I sat on either side of a couch placed in Anisa’s office silently reading our respective books. I’ve been in Astraea for nearly a week and had I known that Felix’s teaching method would be done via reading books the size of an encyclopedia I probably would have chosen Sage or Anisa instead... probably

I glance up at Felix, he’s sitting with legs crossed slouching on the arm rest of the couch, glasses on and enthralled in his book. I'm leaning with my back against the arm rest facing Felix, peering at him from behind my knees. I watch as his eyes scan the pages, partially hiding behind my book so he doesn’t notice me stare. I rub my eyes, dry from the endless reading of Astraean history. I know plenty of history and lore from this world thanks to countless hours of playing Last Legacy and stalking forums, but I don’t think I could’ve convinced Felix of that without having to explain what video games are let alone the internet. He thought if I were to learn magic I should at least know part of its history and it’s contribution to their society. 

Despite spending some time with Felix I'm still amazed at the attention span he has for reading. I scan the room trying not to move too much lest I be scolded by the warden. I glance over at the high back chair across the room. The one Anisa sat me in after my jaunt through Felix’s portal and painfully onto Anisa's desk. My mind begins to wander. 

I’ve only been here a short time but I feel like I’ve adjusted well. I wonder what's happening on Earth. Does time pass the same at home like how it does in this realm? World? Alternate universe? I still don’t exactly know how to explain my predicament. Has anyone noticed I'm gone yet? I wonder if I’m on the missing persons list, someone at work will have noticed I didn’t show up for my shifts. I cringe slightly at that last thought, my open book now resting on my chest. Ah damn it, I’m definitely fired aren’t I. How am I gonna pay my bills.... and my home, I miss my bed....my plants. SHIT MY PLANTS. I bring my hand to my face and cringe, my beloved house plants they’re going to wither away in my absence. Fate is such a cruel mistress.

“Bored of reading are we?” I slightly jump at Felix’s comment. I bring my hand down and look at him. Staring at me through his glasses a smirk on his lips. I flush slightly and close my book.

“No I just, got to thinking about Earth, and my life, I guess I’m just a little home sick,” I mumble out those last words. I want to be honest with Felix but I don’t want him beating himself up for my situation. I mean yes he is the reason I’m stuck here but I don't hate him for it. Felix frowns and closes his own book.

“Ah... I am sorry about that, I-“ I sit up interrupting him.

“No no no, I'm not mad at you, I’m actually quite enjoying my time here. I mean I don’t have to make drinks for annoying customers everyday here,” I force a laugh but it comes out awkwardly. Felix gives me a quizzical look. I then realize, with the amount of times he calls “dear barista” I just assumed he knew what it meant. “Yknow, my job? A barista?” Felix flushes and avoids looking at me.

“I must admit.. I do not actually know what that is,” I cant help but chuckle, the great necromancer Felix, is embarrassed to not know something.

“Well my dear teacher," I emphasize the word teacher mimicking the way he calls me, "allow me to educate you on some Earth information,” I sit cross legged and scoot closer to him book in my lap. Felix adjusts to face me properly and removes his glasses. I clear my throat and smile at him. “My part time occupation of being a Barista, requires me to make drinks for customers and sell them, more often I make coffee but sometimes people order tea. We sell pastries as well,” Felix gives me yet another confused look.

“All you do is prepare drinks and flakey confectioneries?” I nod in response with a smile, I can only imagine what he assumed a Barista was. Felix chuckles and runs a hand through his hair, “All this time I thought it was something more complicated, you described your customers as being annoying? I am assuming you do not like this particular job?”

“Well, I don't hate it but the customers can get a little rude and for the dumbest reasons too. One time a woman threw her drink at me claiming I added 3 1/2 shots of espresso and rather than 3,” I laugh to my self looking back at the memory, chuckling more when I see Felix’s horrified expression.

“A woman... threw a drink at you? Because she deemed it made incorrectly? I did not except Earth customs to be so. . . Barbaric,” Felix looks at me astonished and confused but all I can do is laugh. “And why are you laughing? Are you alright did she hit your head when she assaulted you with a beverage?” Felix is now standing while I clutch my stomach in pain, the combination of the story and Felix’s confusion is too much to bare. After a minute I manage to calm down enough to speak.

“No no, she did not hit me in the head, I’m just laughing cause it was funny, well at the time it wasn’t but my co workers took pictures and I looked ridiculous. I can laugh about it now,” I wipe a stray tear from my eye as I recount the experience. Thank god her drink was iced. 

“Picture?” Felix chimes in. I try to think of how to explain how photography works but I come up with an idea.

“Why don’t I show you?” I stand handing Felix my book and I jaunt over to Anisa’s desk. I let her peruse my backpack because she seemed so interested in my “Earthly items” as she called them. I walked back over and sit on the floor, patting the ground next to me so Felix can join. 

“You known there is a perfectly good sofa right next to you, I don’t understand why you wish to sit on the ground like we are mere children,” but despite his protests Felix sits next to me still clutching our books. I rummage through my back tossing the other items to the side. My wallet, a flyer, a jacket, that granola bar which has definitely crumbled to pieces in its package. Until I finally find it, my phone. My first night here I instinctively tried to use it, forgetting I am now stuck in a world without wifi or cell towers. In an effort to hopefully conserve its battery I hard shut off my phone I did not think I would need it but now is an opportunity for me to educate Felix about my world rather than his and tell him a little about myself. Really I just want a reason to prolong my time from reading anymore history. I hold the power button and silently pray. Please have some battery left, please please. Felix is leaning towards me, his face inching closer to mine, I glance at him studying his expression. He looks confused, and curious at the same time, there's a slight scrunch in his brow like he’s trying to seem like he understands what I’m doing, but I know he doesn’t. In that moment his eyes meet mine, I turn my head to fully face him, a blush creeps up his face and I can feel mine begin to warm as well. “Felix-“

BING

We both jump at the sound of my phone turning on. Damn phone, well I guess I kinda asked for that. Felix sits back and clears his throat.

“Um, what, what is that?” His voice wavers slightly but I choose to ignore it to save him some dignity.

“Its my phone, on Earth nearly everyone has one of these. You can use it to communicate with other people, take pictures, look things up, and listen to music.” I begin to unlock it and open my photo album.

“You can communicate with other people? On this... this flat brick?” Felix points accusatory at my phone the scrunch in his eyebrows have intensified creating deep crevices on his forehead. I nod while I scroll through trying to find the photo. 

“Yup and take pictures, such as this one,” I turn my phone to face Felix revealing the image documenting the after affects of being assaulted with coffee. He leans over to get a better look. In the picture I'm standing by the cash register, soaked through my clothes in an extra large coffee's amount of liquid. The brown liquid stains my apron and the parts on my white shirt poking out from underneath. There's smeared whipped cream going across my shoulder up my neck and partially along my jaw, and the scowl on my face could kill a man. The instant I show the picture to Felix he plants a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. He turns away in an attempt to hide his amusement but I know he wont last.

“Im-I must apologize I did not mean to laugh but, but the look on your face is hilarious,” Felix faces me again trying to hide his smile with the back of his hand. I start to chuckle, I turn the phone back to me and swipe to the next picture. Its a similar picture but in this one my co worker put whipped cream on top of my head, something about it “completing the look”. When I show this picture to Felix it breaks his terrible attempt of remaining poise. He laughs loudly, and it’s extremely contagious. I laugh along with him reminiscing in his beautiful laugh. Every once in a while we calm down until we look at the picture and we start up again. After a bit I’m able to calm down enough to speak.

“Don’t feel bad for laughing, at the time I was pissed but my co workers cheered me up and now I have these memories to laugh at,” I start to look through my album again as Felix calms down from his laughing high. I find more pictures to show him. Some are of me at work with my co workers, one picture of me laughing as I held a dog that jumped through the drive through window. I show him more pictures, some are of earth sunsets which Felix claimed to look like they belong in a painting. I also show him a picture of some Geese I saw while on a walk, and then a picture of said Geese chasing me. This gets Felix to laugh again but not as hard.

“You lead an interesting life on Earth, it seems similar to Sage you are also prone to provoke others into attacking you,” I roll my eyes at Felix’s joke and give him a friendly shoulder bump. Its at this moment I realize how close he’s sitting. Our books set aside and Felix is leaning on one arm politely looking over my shoulder at my phone, I can tell he doesn’t really understand how it works but it seems he’s enjoying this moment to much to ask. In an attempt to keep the sweet moment I change the subject.

“Hey do you want to listen to some Earth music?” With a nod from Felix I close the app and instinctively go to press my streaming app. Damn no Internet. I think for a second and remember I have some music I bought in times before streaming apps existed. I find the app and open it. Dear god my taste was cringey. I scroll through the songs until I stumble across a less than embarrassing song. “This is a classic where I come from, everyone has heard this song at least once. I lay back onto the floor so I can properly listen to the music. Felix looks at me and awkwardly lays down as well, I click on the song allowing it to play.

Just a small town girl

Livin' in a lonely world

She took the midnight train goin' anywhere

Just a city boy

Born and raised in South Detroit

He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

Felix gives me a puzzled look but I just shrug and look up at the ceiling. I close my eyes and take in the song as it plays. If I concentrate hard enough I can imagine my self back on Earth. Sitting in my room listening to 80s music while I do laundry or cook my dinner. I start to feel nostalgic again but I try not let my emotions take over. The song ends and I pause it before it plays the next song. I roll onto my side and rest my head on my hand.

“So what’d you think?” I beam at Felix, I genuinely want to know what he thinks of Earth music, and more specifically a song that I am quite fond of. Felix is laying flat on his back, he ankles crossed and his hands laying on his chest. He looks nervous to be laying on the ground next to me but has made no attempts to leave.

“I thought it was... interesting to say the least. It had quite a captivating story although I was confused when the subject changed multiple times, and what exactly are they trying to “not stop believing” in” Felix does air quotes and seems genuinely enthralled in the “story” of the song. I smile and start to look for another song. 

“How about you choose the next one?” I tilt my phone towards him. Felix sits up at my question.

“I dont feel very well versed in Earth music though,” He mumbles. I shrug at his comment.

“Just pick one with a name that sounds interesting to you” I show Felix how to use the phone and hand it to him laying back down. I peek at Felix, he’s holding the phone in one hand and is scrolling with the other, he’s holding it like an old man. I watch his face, he’s thoroughly looking at every single song title and determining whether they are interesting or not. I find it... cute, his concentration face is cute. Oh if he caught me staring I know he would become a blubbering blushing mess, I mean I would be too. I close my eyes again as I wait for him to pick. 

“This one seems interesting,” I hum in response, but when Felix says the title out-loud and panic seizes through me. I sit up and shout WAIT but I'm too late. He already pressed it. And then I hear it.

That dreaded, infamous G note. Felix turns towards me surprised and hastily hands the phone to me, I pause it before another note can play.

“Hells MC what will that song make my head explode or something??? You nearly made my heart stop.” Felix takes a deep breath with his hand on his chest.

“I'm sorry, that song its kind of embarrassing actually,” I can feel myself flushing, I look away in embarrassment at the fact that I had that song downloaded and the fact that I nearly sent my teacher into cardiac arrest.

“Embarrassing how?” Felix looks at me puzzled. I open my mouth to speak but then stop. Hold on a second, Felix doesn’t know this band, let alone what an emo phase is. Well judging by his raven skull necklace he does but not in the way I do. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if we listened to it. I do still like their music. But god did it HAVE to be this song. I clear my throat and look back at Felix.

“Nothing, it’s nothing I was just being dramatic,” I stifle a laugh. “We can listen to it, I actually quite like this band,” Felix nods and turns to face my direction, were now both sitting cross legged and I press play on the song. I smile a little as the song plays and close my eyes again. I cant even remember the last time I listened to this song. My mind begins to wander again, to my younger years when I first heard this song.

 I was such a try hard back then, wanting so badly to “be different” but also to mend the emotional pain I was going through, and this band really helped me through it. This song is a little more narrative than the last one so I hope Felix would like it. I can’t believe I freaked out like I did god he must think I'm crazy, or maybe that lady really did hit my head when she threw that drink at me. As the song plays I silently hum to it, quiet enough so that Felix might not hear. I drink in the lyrics and instruments and it feels like I'm listening to it again for the first time. 

The song ends and I open my eyes again to pause the music before it plays another one.

“So what did you think of tha-“ before I can continue I'm stopped by the sight of Felix’s face. His eyes are misty and his nose is colored pink. Was he... was he crying? Felix looks at me and his eyes go wide. He quickly turns away and rubs at his face.

“There-there is quite a lot of dust on this floor, honestly you would think Annie would have any sense to clean in here every once in a while,” I cant help but smile, wow he really is a goth child. 

“It’s ok Felix, this song makes me cry sometimes too,” Felix side eyes me and sniffles.

“I-I was not crying, yes I admit the song was... moving to say the least…. But, but I will not be mocked by you for my emotions,” Felix turns to face me again refusing to meet my eyes, his voice turning accusatory. I scoot closer to Felix and place a hand on his shoulder. He looks at me astonished and slightly flushed, either from the contact or the crying, I mean dust, I will never know.

“Congratulations��� I say with a smile. Felix’s puzzled look twists even more.

“What ever are you talking about,” Felix questions.

“You’re emo now,”

[ladecena]

FELICITY🦋

“She is not a painter but she drew many lines on her wrist. Slowly the red liquid flows from the lines of varying lengths. She is not afraid. Her tears were dripping on the floor.” Our lives are full of many colors. But why on some pages of my life, I cannot see any color. With so many people in this world, why do I seem to be alone? “She’s just acting!” “It’s only on her mind!” “She just wants pity!” “She only wants attention!” words I hear from them. It is just a simple mental illness for some people, but they do not know that it can cause the taking of a life.

My parents named me Felicity. It means ‘happiness’. That’s why I grew up as a happy child, they called me “Ligaya”. I have 6 siblings and I am the eldest. Five of us will go to private school and my other two siblings are still young. I am currently studying in a private school, 3rd-year College, and the course I took was Bachelor of Arts in Communication. My mother is a teacher while my father works for a well-known company.  They try their best to get us to go to a good school. But we can hardly be with them for long because they are so busy but we remain happy and in love. I mostly take care of my little siblings. As the eldest, I often did the household chores such as cooking, washing, and so on. When mama is not at work, I help her do the laundry. But it’s not always fun and abundant, the year has come that will test us and others.

 There was a pandemic that tested everyone. Many lost their jobs, businesses went bankrupt and closed, and some students did not continue their studies due to the lack of gadgets to use for online classes. My mother lost her job because not everyone was allowed to continue teaching. We were deeply affected by this news. Also, my father lost the job that our family hoped for because the company he worked for went bankrupt. So almost all the money we saved was spent little by little. My younger siblings need to transfer to a public school. We no longer know where we can get the money to earn. My mom tried to sell a lot of clothes but she was scammed and went bankrupt. That’s why we were in debt then. And there’s a lot of problems that have come to us. My third brother Mark became Covid positive and had to be taken to the hospital alone. I knew he could get through it because Mark was brave and strong like me.

 Meanwhile, we were quarantined for the safety of our family. We had almost nothing to eat so we sold everything we had just to make money. My mom lost weight because she always wondered to Mark how he was doing. I also started to lose interest in everything.  I don’t know what’s happening to me, there are nights that I suddenly cry and I always want to be in my room. My parents worry about me every day and they ask me what my problem is but I can’t answer them. I just want to be alone. I can’t do my paperwork at school anymore. I couldn’t even talk or tell them things that ran through my mind. Even my friends at school or even my siblings can’t express my feelings because I’m afraid of being judged. After all, I’m too confused. I couldn’t smile anymore, I was always in my room. On social media, I can bring out all my problems at school and home. But no one even asked me how I was? Or what is happening to me? Only my parents worry about me but I don’t want them to think about me. Add to my thoughts are people who say I’m just acting or that I just want attention. Don’t they know how I feel? There are days when I just want to commit suicide. I ask God why I need to experience all of this. Sometimes I blame God for all the things that happened to me and my family. One day, while my father was busy arranging for Mark’s belongings to be taken to the hospital, he read bad news on his cellphone that Mark was gone, my beloved brother was gone. We never saw Mark again, we only saw his ashes. My parents can’t accept what happened. They had to go to my grandpa and grandma’s house to borrow money for the bills left over from Mark’s hospitalization. I need to get out of my room and fight my thoughts and feelings to help them. While I was cooking, someone called me and said that my parents had an accident. I don’t know how I feel, I was suddenly stunned and I don’t know what to do. I immediately went to the hospital where they were and I told Joy to take care of our younger siblings. When I arrived at the hospital, the guards would not let me in because they were restrictive and needed to follow some protocol, but I needed to know what the condition of my parents was. Later, a doctor came out and I immediately talked to him. I asked him how my parents were doing. They said that they tried to save my father but it’s all too late. While my mother is comatose and needs a large amount of money for my dad’s funeral and my mom’s hospital bills. 

I feel so much pain because I don’t know what to do for my parents. I immediately went to my grandparent’s house to tell them the bad news and asked for help. I first took my siblings there so that someone would watch over them while I took care of my father’s funeral. Because of the pandemic, it is not possible to have a long hill. So my father was buried for only two days. We borrowed some money from the relatives of my dad abroad.

While I was walking to the hospital I didn’t realize that it was raining so I went to the church near the hospital. As I walked to the altar approaching Him, my tears flowed as I stared at Him and said what else we had to go through. And I couldn’t help but scream in pain “What else do you want to take from me? You took all the things that I have! You took Mark and my dad, that’s enough! ” I have lost two important people in my life and my mother is almost dying. I have approached a lot of people but none of them attempt to help us. So I had to find a job because I was afraid of losing my mother too. So I fight everything in my mind. But because of the pandemic, it’s a hard time for me to find a job, especially restricting everything because of the virus. So I just worked in the cafeteria near our house. 

My mom hasn’t woken up for almost two weeks and her hospital bill has been going up. After work, I’ll just take a look at my siblings and my grandparents. Every time I went there, my siblings ignored me because they were angry with me, they said I couldn’t do anything for mama as I was the eldest. But they don’t know how much I want to help our mother. I felt even more that I was alone in the world. While I was working in the cafeteria, my boss suddenly shouted at me because I was stunned.  I just entered the comfort room because I was so embarrassed. I saw something sharp when I was inside and I don’t know why I thought of hurting myself. As my tears flowed as well as blood dripped from my arm. I just woke up lying in the hospital. When I woke up I saw Erika, my youngest sister. I tried to get up to go to her but the nurses stopped me and said that my youngest sister was also positive for the virus as well as my sister Joy. As the nurse told me about the condition of my siblings I don’t know how I will feel. 

As I was stunned an old man approached me and spoke to me. He asked me why I tried to commit suicide. But I couldn’t answer his question because I also didn’t know the answer. He also asked me if I believed in God and I suddenly looked at him and just nodded. “If you believe that there is a God, why do you want to disappear from this world? Why would you give up? ” You know many of us only know God as our savior but most of us only know Him when we need something. But the commitment and faith in Him is nothing. They just know God but don’t have a deep relationship with him. And that is one of the reasons why we give up immediately. I saw a lot of your problems and yes it’s hard but you have to be resilient and you have to surrender everything to Him. Just wait for His great plans for you. Sometimes we tend to forget what God’s value is when we already have everything we want and at the end of the day, we will come to Him again when we don’t have those things anymore. It is important that you put your full trust in Him and that we accept Him wholeheartedly. ” As that man says all those words, my tears continue to fall, and I realize that man is right. I should not blame the Lord for what happens to me and my family today. I may lose something in my life but I know that there will come a good and new hope in my life after all. When the old man left I immediately looked up in the sky and apologized to Him. God sent that old man so that I could realize the value of life and the value of God in our lives. And since I trusted in the Lord’s plan for my life, my prayers began to be heard. My mother woke up and papa’s rich friend helped us to get mama out of the hospital. My siblings and I became negative and I already had a job and I was able to provide for our daily needs. Lastly, we live happily and we know that God is always with us, protecting us and guiding us. I am now aware that God is always in control and He always provides for our needs.

- matahom👄

June 09, 2021

[milasartblog]

Value of the messenger

Sometimes there is a moment where we have to stop and think about all the things we did, all the things we achieved, all the people we've met and all the decisions we chose. For some of them we feel pride and happiness, to others - sadness and regret, to some even a confusion and feeling of emptiness that we can't explain. It can take a day or even a week to analyse ourselves and make some conclusion. Today was such a day for angel Anoli. It's been a long time since she and Chris became a couple and are in a relationship, since she gain friends and began to take care of nephilim. Time flew fast, and yet slow at the same time. During such period of time, one question was still bothering the messenger. How long will all of this last? How long will her relationship with Chris last? She is not a mortal anymore. Before all of this, things were simple for her: she was just an angel wandering around and sending positive messages to people that need it. But now....she can't help but think about what if one day...her beloved one dies? Is there a way to prevent it? If yes, what price is required? How high is the price? How much time does it require? How painful will it be? If there is no way...does it mean that she became an angel for nothing? Does it mean that she has to break up with him, even if it makes both of them suffer emotionally? So many questions and almost no answer. She didn't want to worry her boyfriend and friends, but at the same time she couldn't handle such questions on her own. And so, she decided to organise a meeting with her guardian, Michael. Anoli was sitting on one of the building's roof, waiting for archangel to show, while watching the beautiful sunset and enjoying the cool wind caressing her hair and wings. The waiting was not so long as Michael finally appeared.

Michael: Good evening, Anoli. You called me?

Anoli: Good evening, Michael. Yeah, I was wondering if-...You're in human clothes?

She examined Michael's outfit as the archangel giggled awkwardly.

Michael: Sorry, I was just on my way to Lucifer.

Anoli: Oh, I see. Sorry if I interrupted your meeting.

Michael: Don't be. If you need help with something, I will do my best. Besides, knowing Lucifer he will definitely find something to do. I will apologise to him later.

Anoli: Hehe, true.

They smiled and giggled as Michael walked closer and stood next to Anoli, watching at the sunset for a couple of minutes.

Michael: So, about what did you want to talk with me? Is Liya causing troubles again?

Anoli: Oh, no, it's not like that. I mean, she sure still does her pranks and stuff, but less. Plus, she is teaching Nazeel how to use fire magic.

Michael: Umm, won't it cause the fire at home?

Anoli: Yeah, but not trusting her is also not right. She is one of my friends after all, and not allowing her to grow up and become wiser will be not right from me. Plus, with Lucifer it would be much greater fire than with Liya.

Michael: Hehe, true. I'm glad that you can do such decisions. You become wiser and wiser, Anoli. I'm so proud of you.

Anoli: Thank you, Michael. But I called you for...another reason.

She looked down sadly, which made Michael be concern a bit.

Michael: What is it, Anoli?

Anoli: I....You know that I'm in a relationship with Chris, right?

Michael: Yeah, I do. You told me a lot about him. Did something happen between you two?

Anoli: Oh no, it's not like that. It's just....can an angel live with a human? I mean, as a couple, as a family.

The archangel didn’t expect such question to be, which made him think for a moment. 

Michael: Well, as a rule, angels are not supposed to be in a relationship with a human. They're guardian angels, they guard and guide human to the right path. Any physical contact with human can cause some troubles, and-

Anoli: So I was not supposed to be in a relationship?

The messenger was stunned. Realising what he just said, Michael tried to get the situation under control.

Michael: No no no, dear, you still can be with Chris. Just with you it's different and...kinda complicated. Since you were a human before, it's understandable that you want to be in a relationship with him.

Anoli: But that's the problem. I'm no longer a human, Michael. You resurrected me as an angel, gave me a new life, new goal. And as an angel I was supposed to follow the rules, right?

Michael: Well, technically yeah, but-

Anoli: Then does it mean....that I have to break up with Chris? Make him forget about me? About others?

Michael: What? No, you don't have to. Like i said, as a rule it should be like this, in practice anything can happen.

Anoli: But aren’t angels supposed to follow the rules and laws? I have already broken this rule and now....now i'm having the sense of anxiety. A feeling that....one day I will lose my angel disguise and that I will not be able to be with Chris anymore.

She looked at Michael with upset and crystal from upcoming tears eyes. Realising what he just said, the archangel was lost for a moment, words couldn't put themselves together. And yet he couldn't admit that as an angel she did broke the rule of being with mortal. But no big consequences followed yet, right? Moreover he gave her new life outside of the Heaven, so basically he broke the rule too, right? He looked down with upset look, while Anoli looked at him with the question she was hoping to get the solution from it.

Anoli: You must have seen situations like this before, right? Maybe there were angels like me who also were in love with their humans and whom you have helped them be together, right?

But Michael only shook his head sadly. Angel’s face was now hopeless.

Michael: I’m sorry, Anoli, but...most of angels have followed their rules and even if they had feelings to the mortal, they had to erase their memories about them in order to not burden them and not to spell out the secrets of Heaven. I’m not even talking about giving the immortality to the mortals they have interest in. I hope you know why.

Anoli: ...Because of the balance between life and death.

He nodded as Anoli looked down. Tears were coming right away. Anoli tried to hold them, but her soft nature prevented her from doing it. The guilt crawled on Michael’s back to the every inch of the feather. But what could he do? This is something that no divinity dares to do. He felt that Anoli realises the consequences of such actions and yet he knew that it was not something she wanted to hear.

Anoli: Sometimes I even ask myself if it was worth to become a messenger, if it was worth to agree with you. No matter what I do, it’s always not enough. Was it really worth if you can’t even enjoy the life fully, can’t be in love with the dearest person to you, can’t be...free?

She sat down on the edge of the roof, hugging her knees and burying her face into her arms and knees. For a couple of minutes they were like this, silent. Suddenly Michael remembered one thing that his brother Gabriel told him, about Sybil and her decision to be with human she is supposed to guard. It was so controversial for them, but in the end he and his brothers had to accept Sybil’s choise. Taking someone’s freedom of speech and action away is not according to the angel. But would such example help in this situation? It’s not a secret that times in Heaven have change, but not that drastically like in Hell. And yet, it was worth a try, he thought. Michael sat down next to her, carefully putting his hand on her shoulder. Anoli flinched, but...didn’t push it away.

Michael: Look, Anoli, I admit that...my action towards you was not right. But it’s not technically right also according to angel’s rules.

Anoli:...Really?

Michael: Yes. You see, I saved you from an unfair death out of...my own will. And THIS is something that was not written in the rules. So, technically, I broke the rule too. Do you want to know why?

Anoli: I...I think you told me before, but it won’t hurt to remind.

Michael: I did it because when I was watching over you, I noticed a spark in your soul. No matter what happened in your life, you did your best to stay positive. You wanted to bring this positivity to everyone, which is not possible for everyone. Of course right now you realise that sometimes there are “not really” nice people, and yet you didn’t give up on it. That was something that...made me feel like getting close to mortals, to learn something from them too. And because of this and thanks to demons’ influence, not only me, but some other angels began to be interested in mortal realm too.

Anoli: Really? But what about the rules? 

Michael: Like in mortal realm, Heaven laws sooner or later also face some changes. It’s inevitable. Just it took us a long time to realise it. Some of them tho are still active, like the immortality one.

Anoli: I see....So, my resurrection as an angel made a push to the changes?

Michael: Your situation was one of those that helped us to move from the dead point. Plus, there is only few messengers that can bring the light even if there is no hope. They’re little helpers that value even more than just a simple guarding task. And I’m saying the truth. Plus, who knows what Liya would do without an angel like you.

He smiled to Anoli sincerely, drying her tears kindly. Anoli thought for a moment, then smiled.

Anoli: You’re right. Even if I’m not able to bring happiness to everyone, I still have dearest people to me. But it still didn’t answer my question.

Michael: About that....I...will try my best to search for a solution, but no immortality.

Anoli: Really? You will...really look for other way?

Michael: However, all this is still up to your partner. When the time comes, you two should think about it carefully, and only then I can do something. 

Anoli: But won’t it cause troubles for you? You’re an archangel, the face of Heaven.

Michael: I...I know. But not helping my ward is also not right from me. So, I will see what I can do, but it’s all up to you and your partner.

Anoli: I see...Heaven’s laws are sure complicated.

Michael: Hehe, agree. 

They looked into the horizon for a moment. The sun almost disappeared under the blanket of the night, promising to come back another day. 

Anoli: Thank you, Michael.

Michael: Huh? For what? I didn’t do anything.

Anoli: And yet, you gave me a hope that we still can do something. Together. As friends and as a family.

Michael was surprised for a moment, but smiled too as they looked at the horizon again. It was getting darker and darker and soon it was time for Michael to go to the meeting. He looked at Anoli as offered a hug. The angel looked at Michael and after a couple of seconds hugged him.

Anoli: You need to go now?

Michael: Yeah, Anoli. Even if Lucifer has enough patience to wait for me, I still have other duties to do. But don’t worry, even if I don’t have the solution now, I will do my best to help you. No matter what?

Anoli: Promise?

Michael:...Promise.

They kept hugging for one more minute before saying goodbyes to each other and come back to their casual routines. Even if the problem is still in the air, there is still a light of hope at the end of the tunnel.

----------------------------------

And that's another story for the universe^^ A little update on our universe, to show that it's still alive XD Hope you will like it^^

Anoli and Michael belong to @wildstarfan and @milasartblog (both me)

Sybil belongs to @captainthane

Okaria et Feria belongs to @wildstarfan and @captainthane

[recurring-polynya]

Today’s AU suggestion comes from Tumblr user @missdramaqueensworld We had a bit of a back-n-forth, and I hope you don’t mind that I mushed a couple of your suggestions together into a Lighthearted Superheroes AU! Byakuya has always given me Big Bruce Wayne vibes, what with his extensive wealth and his flair for the overdramatic and his propensity for collecting orphans. I think I got the spirit of the thing (and, of course, the opening line!) I hope you like it!! (Note: I didn’t include the original prompt because it was very detailed and I didn’t want to give everything away, but please give credit to @missdramaqueensworld for all the good ideas and me for all the terrible superhero names)

Read on ao3 or ff.net

🦸    🌸    💥

“Hisana,” Byakuya called, as he contemplated the secret niche that was hidden behind the rear panel of his ancillary special occasion shoe closet. “Where is Senbonzakura?”

“Where’s what?” his beloved wife’s voice rang back.

Byakuya gritted his back teeth. “The mystical sword that has been passed down through twenty-eight generations of my family that allows me to fight crime as the mysterious hero Captain Sakura?”

Hisana leaned up against the doorframe of his closet. “Haven’t seen it. Where’s the non-mystical, yet very expensive tuxedo that allows you to escort me to the charity benefit that I’ve been planning for three months?”

“I am not joking, Hisana, I have a responsibility to the city!”

“That’s right, you do! You’re a charming and handsome philanthropist who is helping his beautiful wife raise piles of money for underprivileged children!”

Byakuya tried to rack his brain. Where could he have left the thing? “You know very well what I mean. The city is under attack by dark forces. Dark forces, Hisana!”

Hisana put her hands on her hips. “Don’t you have sidekicks for this?”

“They do not like being called sidekicks, they are allegedly adults now. Besides, you are the one who told me to stop bothering them so much. They have their own lives now, you said.” Which vehicle had he used last? The Sakura Bike? The Sakura Jet? He didn’t think it was the Sakura Jet-Ski, but honestly, all of last week was just blurring together.

“They can have their own lives on nights when I don’t have a charity benefit,” Hisana hissed.

Wait. He’d had that unfortunately team-up with the Great Desert Brothers (or were they calling themselves Phantom Thief NelDoPe again?) and he’d had to spend a great deal of time cleaning “Infinite Slick” off of Senbonzakura afterwards. The sword was probably on his workbench down in the Sakura Cave. Byakuya turned and attempted to exit his own closet, only to find his way blocked by the one opponent he had never truly bested: his 4’11”, stunningly beautiful and amazingly brilliant wife. “Excuse me,” he said.

“Excuse you?” Hisana asked, her eyes wide with false innocence. “You are not going down to the Sakura Cave.”

“I am going to the Sakura Cave.”

“You’re going down to the Sakura Cave because you’re going to drive us to the charity benefit in the pink Lambo, right?”

Byakuya regarded her. “The Sakuramobile is for official Captain Sakura business only. You are welcome to take the Aventador or the Huracan if you like.”

Hisana threw her hands out at her sides. “Byakuya. Look at me.”

Byakuya looked. Respectfully, of course. His wife was clad in a form-fitting navy blue sheath that flared just below her knees. From the front, the neckline was high and modest, but he knew for a fact that it swept low, exposing nearly the whole of her back. Her hair was swept up into an intricate knot at the nape of her neck. An array of tiny diamond hairpins shone like stars among the night sky of her tresses. Her makeup, as always, was impeccable, from her silvery smokey eye to the kissable red of her lips.

“Imagine!” she wailed. “Me! Walking through those huge doors at the Museum of Contemporary Art. By myself! To my own fundraiser!”

“I can imagine it,” Byakuya agreed. “You will turn every head in the room. That cad, Kuchiki, they will say. The fool. He knows not what he has.”

Hisana narrowed her eyes at him.

“The most beautiful woman in Seireitei City, for once, away from the overprotective glare of her impossibly handsome husband.”

Hisana rolled her eyes.

“You will have the undivided attention of every man in the room and more than a few of the women. They will be elbowing each other out of the way for the merest crumbs of your regard. And you, being you, should no doubt be able to spin these tragic circumstances into a positively dizzying pile of donation checks. That should make the orphans very happy, yes?”

Hisana’s face was screwed up into a lovely scowl, as her desire for his company warred with her love for parting cretinous billionaires from their walking-around money. Byakuya didn’t blame her, of course. She was a very patient and understanding woman to so frequently part from her charming and debonair husband in the best interests of Justice. Nevertheless, the city needed him at this desperate hour.

“And I promise,” Byakuya continued, lowering his eyelids seductively, “that I shall sweep in before the night concludes, to rebuke those fools who would ever doubt my devotion to you.”

The tip of Hisana’s nose twitched. He had her.

“You have to show up at the dedication of the new community center.”

“Of course I would show up--”

“In the costume.”

Byakuya’s jaw tightened. “Hisana.”

“Captain Sakura is the third most popular superhero among children aged 7 to 12.”

“Third! I used to be second!” Byakuya had an angry suspicion whom he had been overtaken by.

“Used to be,” Hisana replied. “Maybe you should think about making more personal appearances. And flex more. I hear that children love flexing.” Dammit, this further confirmed his suspicions.

Byakuya heaved a sigh. “Fine. I will show up and charm the little rapscallions. I will not ‘flex.’ Please, may I go now?”

Hisana gracefully stepped to one side. “Good luck. Stay safe.” She touched his arm gently as he swished past, and went up on her tiptoes to bring her face closer to his. “And check the umbrella stand in the front hall. That’s where your magic sword was last time.”

Captain Sakura alighted on the rooftop of Metropolitan Bank with the grace of a drifting flower petal. A large hole cratered the bitumen and the smell of C-4 hung unpleasantly in the air. Below, police sirens wailed and sirens cast blue and red reflections. Also, there was bickering.

“Are you sure he can breath in there?”

“I am a professional, of course he can breathe! You don’t believe me? I’ll trap you in a block of ice!”

“I never said I didn’t believe you, I just-- hey, look who’s here! Good to see you, Captain!”

Byakuya crossed his arms over his chest. “Yuki-onna. Sakura Boy.”

Yuki-onna, Mistress of the Ice and Snow, groaned. “You know very well he goes by Red Ronin now.”

Sakura Boy looked very much like he was biting his tongue as he tapped his massive whip-sword on his shoulder.

“Who was the perpetrator?” Byakuya asked, squinting inside the block of ice.

“That toothy bastard, Preying Mantis,” Sakura Boy supplied.

“He is one of the Ten Espada, you know, they often travel in--”

“We caught his dweeby sidekick downstairs, the police already have him,” Rukia replied. “We already swept the premises. You really didn’t need to come out.”

“It is bad enough,” Byakuya bit off, “that you two refused to take a honeymoon. You are supposed to be on a… a whatsit…” he waved one hand vaguely. “A stay-cation?”

“Eh, it’s not like we have hobbies,” Renji added, poking the block of ice with his sword.

“And aren’t you supposed to be raising money? For underprivileged children?” Rukia accused.

“I will be making a dramatically late entrance,” Byakuya snapped.

“Well,” Renji frowned philosophically, “as long as you’re here, can you help us figure out how to get this guy down to the ground?”

Children. You could raise them, give them their own utility belt, teach them to drive a jet ski, but they would still ask for your help in moving a seven-foot-tall mantis man trapped in a block of ice.

“Of course,” Byakuya agreed.

[hillbillyoracle]

The Hermit Reversed: Navigating Involuntary Isolation

I'm not a big fan of the term "community reading" personally. I don't feel like can give a quality reading for just anyone who might read a given piece. Or at the very least it doesn't sit right with me, feels presumptuous. So I’m experimenting with what I think of as "tarot sermons" - filtering the lessons of different tarot cards or combinations of cards through other literature, media, and my personal experience. Let me know if you want to see more.

I'm working on a tarot devotional for the Hierophant at the moment. In writing this devotional, I've been thinking deeply about not only what the Hierophant is but what the Hierophant is not. That got me reflecting on what separates it from other religious figures in the Major Arcana, especially the Hermit.

Most don't seem to think about the Hermit as a religious figure. Most folks seem to emphasize their solitariness. But when I pulled up definitions to make sure I understood what hermit means, most of the ones I found denoted that hermits practice isolation as a religious discipline. This got me thinking about who religious practices are performed for - are they performed for the divine? are they performed for the benefit of a congregation? are they performed for the self?

As a lot of folks who follow me know, in late 2016 I began having intensely painful health problems. Over the next year they grew worse and I was effectively housebound. I left my degree program and searched for work that would allow me flexibility in hours and the ability to sit which proved near impossible.

As the months passed and people stopped replying to my applications altogether, I noticed something else - my friends had begun to disappear as well. Folks I had traded letters with for years suddenly dropped off, friends who had been happy to come over before stopped taking me up on my invitations, and many friends stopped replying to me on social media as well. To this day, I don't know what sparked the near total collapse of my social circle but it coinciding with the realization my condition was going to be chronic did not escape me.

I was very alone.

Part of what I turned to during this time was tarot. One way I found to connect with people was to offer tarot lessons. At the time I'd been reading cards regularly for about 9 years. Teaching people how to read the cards helped me feel like had value at a time when both friends and the institutions I'd been a part of had decided I did not. This blog was, in fact, originally a way to type of notes from the lessons I'd given a few students. I clung to it. It gave me a reason to wake up and at least jot down some notes in the morning at a time when I could do very little else. I started to see myself as the Hermit, toiling away alone in the pursuit of some deeper insight.

I wish I could say things changed, that I made new friends or my old friends came back but in actuality I'm still seeing the steady decline of my social circle. People get busy or they move away or they just straight up stop replying.

It doesn't bother me too often these days but this afternoon the dam broke.

I looked up on the fridge and saw that every Christmas card we had received this year was for my partner and something in me just snapped.

For those who don't know us personally, my partner invests very little into her social life and is still much beloved. She never really starts any plan but always seems to have an invite to something. Every year, despite the fact that almost no one I send cards to even acknowledges having received one, I try writing a newsletter, printing pictures, and sending off cards to as many people as I can. She'll assemble some too but it's largely an effort I spearhead.

So to see that not only had no one even texted me they'd received one, all the cards coming in were for her - it just stung deeply. The quiet "what am I doing wrong?" tape that usually clicks on when I notice our social circle inequities quickly became a very loud "what's wrong with me?"

Because when it comes down to it, I'm tired of being told not to take it personally, that people get busy and forget to say something. When you send 20 cards and get no response back, when 20 people are just too busy, it's tough. Like my own parents didn't even text and they're effectively retired. Because it's ever just that one time either. I've spent the better part of the last 3 years trying to find volunteer opportunities I can do and hit wall after wall. I tried to arrange something fun every few months for the first few years of being homebound and regularly had no one show up.

Isolation is never just once.

That's part of what had me reflecting on the Hermit as I was trying to sort through my feelings. Isolation, when chosen, is a discipline. Isolation, when inescapable, is a prison.

A Buddhist nun I enjoy listening to, Ven. Robina Courtin, often says "If you can do something, do something honey, but if you can't, what are you going to do?" She has used the example of a woman she once read about. The woman and her partner were hitchhiking. The person who picked them up then went on to commit a murder, and pinned it on her and her husband who were both sent to prison. The woman had the realization that she was not going to make it in her current headspace so she decided that she was a monk and her cell was where she would carry out her devotion.

I've often read reversed cards through the lens of getting stuck - how might the person in this card get stuck? I tend to read the Hermit reversed as someone who has gotten too focused on a pursuit or someone who is, to their detriment, determined to do something by themselves.

But it clicked for me that maybe another way to read reversed cards is what happens when someone is put in this role involuntarily? How does the issue they resolve result in the card in it's upright form?

For the Hermit reversed, what lies at the core is a painfully deep disconnection and the only way out of is acceptance.

As soon as I was able to calm down and started to think - "okay if this is my life, what am I going to do about it?" - so many paths began to appear. If things aren't working well with humans who are alive, maybe humans who've passed on would be more open to forming relationships. If humans aren't interested in being my friends right now, how can I befriend the birds that live in tree outside my window? Or the tree itself?

It as only through acceptance that I could broaden my idea of what a friendship could look like. I do think, at the end of the day, humans are fundamentally relational. But I'm less sold on the idea that we require human relationships to function. I think it helps for sure. But in their absence, other relationships are still available and a focus on human relationships can cloud out our relationships that already exist with our surroundings, the land, and our ancestors. This realization suddenly made me appreciative of the solitude and instantly I felt that sense of uprightness restored in me.

My relations don’t send cards, they send blessings. And I have proof of them.

So if you're facing something similar this season, where you're not only involuntarily isolated but near others who highlight that experience even more, I hope this can be catalyst for comfort. What does acceptance allow you to see that you never would have otherwise? How does that acceptance restore you to your full devotion?

[atypicalsenerio]

【 You find yourself the recipient of a letter that could never be unassuming if it tried.

The royal purple envelope is a backdrop to gilded lettering, lovingly rendered with a steady hand. It shines when you hold it up to the light; to say nothing of the wax seal that sits heavy in a contrasting deep red. Burned into your memory is the Gloucester rose, the summertime fancy and the lovers’ flower, the signature of one noble son.

Should you choose to open this envelope, there is crisp parchment awaiting you. A practiced hand has sent you a missive, and then some. All the words legible, cursive immaculate, but aside from the flourishes, it is, as some say, a lot to unpack.

At the very top, lettering bigger than the rest, begins this invitation—ah, yes, you see now, it is an invitation—with the setting of intentions: 】

❝I, LORENZ HELLMAN GLOUCESTER, am sending you a formal invitation, extending you the distinct honor of attending the Ethereal Moon Ball as my esteemed guest…❞

【 … 】

【 You quickly realize that the letter goes on. And on. Was there ever an end in sight, or was that the twinkle of your golden name?

You will be here all night, should you read the whole spiel, so you skip to the end: 】

❝SOREN: whisperings of what a shrewd tactician you are have reached even my noble ears, and it would be a grievous error on my part if I did not give you your dues. Should you accept my invitation, I would love to spend a good deal of the evening picking such a tactical mind! I, too, find myself with an interest in strategy, and no doubt your rather unique background offers a perspective unseen within Alliance borders.

YOURS, ❞

This was... unexpected. Generally, it was Soren putting on airs and flattering to get something he wanted out of someone else. To find a similar tactic used on himself (since he didn’t think for a moment that any noble, much less one like Lorenz, had some genuine fondness for him enough to warrant a scented invitation to a dance), stunned him for a moment.

That, and the fact that he already was going with Ike.

Soren stared at the letter, open on his desk, unable to believe it’s purple existence in his dorm, and again, that he was actually spoken for in regards to the night in question.

He wouldn’t be outdone in a little game of prose, however. Not if he could help it.

Already, he was dipping his quill in ink and pulling out a fresh parchment to deliver to Lorenz Hellman Gloucester himself.

It was, quite literally, dripping with sarcasm in the cursive swirls across the page.

He delivered it that night, slipped under the door.

Dearest Lorenz, my lover to never be </3,

I must ask you to sit down as you read my correspondence, as I fear for your noble’s heart if there is no fainting couch near. Tragically, you have waited too late to ask for my hand. Observe- someone who didn’t see me as a last minute resort has already made the proper arrangements to have my company on the night of the Heron Ball.

However, to soothe the indescribable pain you must be in, I will give you a short tactics lesson.

When you are unobservant and late, and take for granted that you will win the heart of your beloved or the head of an enemy, your chance of suffering a most grievous injury goes up by quite a bit. Do keep this in mind in all your extracurricular excursions.

Please do refrain from throwing yourself sobbing at my feet the next time we pass each other in public. Tempting as it may be, you will not win me over. Nor will flattery. Even half decent flattery that praises my intellect is not enough. You are clearly not captivated by my every aspect of being, and that is unacceptable.

I feel as though you have not successfully won over many women, but I do not care to teach you that.

Regards, Soren

P. S.

I’ve been to your estate.

Wasn’t impressed. :(

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 121 - I hope none of the birds affected by the sleeping gas died from falling from a height, especially if they fell on concrete. I don't think the gas itself would affect the birds but it also very well might since they can't handle as much due to being much smaller animals or from not being able to handle the chemicals used.

Chapter 122 - Shark's expressions are so hideous 🤢

- At least Raizel knows how to be nice by sharing food lmao. Frankenstein beaming like a proud father of a 2-year-old who's doing that is definitely not praxis though.

Chapter 124 - Shark being astounded that nobles care about innocents is amusing. I suppose that aside from the Elders, the Union members think nobles consider other species to be inferior or like cockroaches or toys.

- Although I do find Frankenstein plotting to teach Seira cooking so she can cook for Raizel when he can't extremely funny, I do also find it somewhat disturbing. He's essentially making a teen girl do child labour. Yes she and Regis are imposing on him and I do think they should be doing some manner of chores, but making her cook lavish meals? I also know she's doing it willingly but it still makes me cringe since something being one's choice doesn't negate it being bad. And yes technically she's 'of age' since she's 217, whatever that means since she's still obviously a teen compared to Raizel who actually is an adult going to school with children (which is a whole other can of worms), but aside from her position as clan leader she's very obviously not viewed as an adult by most.

Chapter 125 - On one hand I'd love to get a front row seat to the internal drama within the DA-5 lile M-21 but otoh I don't want to die a painful death or get beaten up.

- So like obviously Seira knows that Raizel and Frankenstein aren't ordinary humans unlike Regis but it is hilarious to think she just told the truth to two men she thinks are frail innocent humans.

Chapter 127 - You'd really think that the Union would be investing more into memory altering drugs but nah. The only ones they have will also fuck your brain up. Really not a good idea when most of your agents/experiments obviously have been administered aforementioned drugs. If it was only used sparingly on civilians I'd get it but it's quite widespread so...

Chapter 128 - As much as Frankenstein complains about the mess the kids make, he enjoys having them over as much as Raizel does. Soft hearted bastard.

Chapter 130 - The girls bandaging M-21 up even as Regis fights has them being smarter than like 90% of other characters in media. They're the real reason he didn't hit the dust immediately smh.

Chapter 132 - I still think the coming of age ceremony has a 50% chance of actually being them ingesting drugs that are the equivalent of stat boosting items in games but also ya know, real world drugs that fuck you up. The other 50% is just them getting much stronger after they turn 200 because their bodies are just like that and it truly is purely ceremonial and a fun tradition like children's day or girl's day or birthdays rather than something that actually affects them.

- Lol Kranz, Regis won't be leaving a corpse if he dies. Purebloods are just special like that. Can you imagine if they did see a pureblood dying? They'd regret killing them so bad.

Chapter 133 - Raizel commanding Frankenstein to stop his experiments is definitely something, like bro maybe he was figuring out electrolysis, not like you know what he was doing. Plus it's not like Frankenstein listened completely. Man has a lab under his house and it wasn't built after Raizel woke. I guess he only stopped modification experiements on others and only did checkups on himself but didn't stop experimenting for other stuff like idk, better fertiliser.

- Kinda amazing Takeo didn't get stabbed in the heart.

Chapter 137 - I know it's just because Gejutel likely explained the lord's powers to him but the idea that Regis knows what a blood field is because Raskreia does demonstrations to entertain little kids is making me giggle.

Chapter 140 - So the Union only came upon Frankenstein's research 540 years ago... that's only 40 years before Raskreia became lord. Interesting.

- Ah yes... the classic joke of Tao not teaching Takeo korean properly. It's also very amusing envisioning Tao teaching the DA-5 members korean.

- ARIS ARIS ARIS. God she looks adorbs. Also I love her referring to DA-5 as 'my children' and 'my babies'. Aris >>> all other scientists. Amd hi Yuri :)

Chapter 141 - Yuri listening to Aris insulting Crombel repeatedly,,, he probably enjoys every aspect of it from knowing she's not aware he's his underling to being able to hear someone insult Crombel.

- Once again union members don't know jack shit. They think werewolves are extinct while Maduke and Lunark are literally Elders 😭🤡😭

- Werewolves having a small population never made sense to me even with the whole thing about them not having mind control and thus keeping away from humans secretly since even civilians are stronger than humans on average but like why tf would wolves have such a low reproduction rate? And that's why I hc that 90% of them are just homosexual.

Chapter 142 - D doesn't consume your lifeforce bro. That's just the drugs causing heavy strain on the body, etc etc. The rest of your explanation was fine but talking about lifeforce or vitality makes no sense.

- We all know Yuri's smart but the fact that he tries to get Frankenstein as a subject by scouting him first is very clever. It's believable too since Frankenstein is supposed to be quite handsome.

Chapter 144 - Well we don't know of Crombel microchips his Assassination Squad but Aris canonically microchips her experiments 🤣

Chapter 147 - Okay but this panel... she's hot. I'd let her dissect me <3

- If this was some other media I'd talk about the symbolism of the attack looking like a rapier and go on for a paragraph but this is Noblesse so it's obviously just a coincidence lmao.

- "A living robot" so like... a cyborg.

Chapter 148 - Yuri getting pissed at being attacked and retaliating but pretending it was him being loyal to Aris... Love it. Also he must be really confused as to who tf Frankenstein is since as one of Crombel's most important lackeys he'd definitely know about such a powerful experiment under him if they existed and thus unlike Aris knows that he's not been sent by Crombel.

Chapter 149 - Yup def confused, especially when he realises Frankenstein's power is like Crombel's.

Chapter 150 - Girlboss,,, also it's been years and I'm still wondering... why is her outfit like that? Neon genesis evangelion girlboss does have a ring to it though.

- Ah yes, Taivra time.

Chapter 151 - Okay yeah I feel so bad for Takeo but also Aris is so good at manipulating him and and and iwi. The fact that she can cry on command though... impressive.

- "From the beginning you were an only child. That's why I got you to experiment on." Okay cool time to ignore that again for my own amusement of having all of noblesse's named modified human women be related to Takeo.

- Okay I'm obsessed with strawberry milk myself but strawberries do not taste anywhere near that good. Not even the sweet ones.

Chapter 153 - Yeah no I don't agree that Takeo losing his will to live is an insult to your comrades M-21. You could have said all that in a gentler way. Just because Takeo was luckier than you experiment wise doesn't mean you get to be so rude.

Chapter 154 - M-21 misleading Tao and Takeo to thinking he's being experimented on and then turning around to laugh at them when they find out it's just ramyeon... mood.

- I really do wonder what 12th Elder's military medals are for.

Sidenotes - Hammer being smart <3 I honestly didn't remember that part of him and I'm glad he's not given purely negative traits. He's the only reason Shark lived past 2 chapters tbh.

- Truly, D is one of the worst letters of the alphabet to have named the drugs DA-5 uses. The other bad choice would be P. On the opposite end of the spectrum, T would have been a great choice for the irony. Not that it matters since the inspiration for the drug from name to physical transformation is obviously 🍆

- Nobles being so nonchalant about murder is kinda fucked up like yeah they suck but you can't just kill them??? Lukedonia my beloved your justice system sucks. I do hc they can't just do this in Lukedonia though or to other nobles even if outside of Lukedonia, it's just that the jurisdiction of nobles doesn't apply outside of Lukedonia and they do on some level think of themselves as a superior species so they're fine with just... killing people.

- Aris obsessing over handsome men as experiments and treating them like toys but ignoring women altogether? Not experimenting on women? Gaslight gatekeep girlboss,,, a feministe of our own,,, perhaps even a... lesbienne. But yeah I just love how she acts and I love her and how she interacts with Yuri. And yeah he's cool too.

- Tbh aside from how short the skirts are and the white blazers, the Ye Ran uniform really reminds me of my own school's uniform. The colours are exactly the same. We just didn't have blazers since it was a forever summer tropical country, only jumpers for if it got too cold in the air conditioned rooms. And for some people who grow up in tropical countries... 25°C can be too cold.

[seeds-and-sins]

The Seeds accepting you, a young kid, into their family would be like...

• To the surprise of others, cult members and sinners alike, your acceptance into the family happened the moment you met them.

• Your drunk father was being the abusive piece of shit he was at one of Joseph's Sermons and Jacob Seed intervened without hesitation.

• Within weeks John Seed found a way to legally remove you from your father's custody and assign the family as your permanent guardians.

• John pulled some strings even further and your father was sent to prison for child abuse. Needless to say, you won't see him for a while.

• The Seed siblings, at first, had a hard time figuring out who you would live with.

• So you had a room at each of their abodes, free to live with any one of them, whenever you so chose.

• John would spoil you with an endless array of gifts and excessive affectionate hugs and forehead kisses. He would take you flying in his plane whenever you stayed over at his ranch. He even let you fly it one time, but don't tell Joseph.

• Family dinners every friday night were your favorite.

• John would make the meal and it would suck, but nobody wanted to hurt his feelings, so he never would know.

• Jacob would secretly pass his food down to his wolf sitting under the table, motioning for you to be quiet about it with a wink.

• Family conversations sometimes turning into bickering...

• "Unicorns are real! Okay?! The Bible says so!"

• Joseph and you had a garden together that the both of you would work on when you were at his compound. He would read scripture to you, teach you lessons about the world, and talk to you about the collapse.

• Jacob was more about tough love. He had high expectations of you in terms of being efficient when it came to protecting yourself, surviving in the wilderness, and acknowledging your surroundings. (But every now and again, he would allow you to sleep in his arms if you had a nightmare about your abuse, or were afraid).

• Faith, you went to when you had emotional issues, or questions, or when you wanted female company. You both would have sleepovers and she would give you all the sweets you could imagine.

• Family photos where they all are extra and try to get single photos with you. (There might be a fight over who is the favorite parent, but Jacob doesn't call himself parent as much he does guardian).

• Joseph has one really cute photo of John, Jacob and you, that he hides in his journal. It was the day you got officially baptized and as Jacob was trying to help you out of the river, John and you yanked him in.

• You started playing basketball at your highschool, now that your father was gone you had more confidence to explore your interests. And the Seeds were more than enthusiastic about you being more active and social.

• At home games, they would be the ones cheering for you in the stands, the loudest spectators, even Jacob would participate in the madness (mainly to threaten the referee for calling fouls on you).

• Jacob and John worked with you often to make sure that you were the best player on the team. Jacob more so, would force you to train as much as possible.

• The coach let Jacob take over practice one time, since he usually watched on the sidelines. No one made it to the end of pratice, except for you.

• One of your fellow team mates going, "I hope your dad never runs practice ever again."

• Jacob yelling, "Cull the herd!", aggressively, anytime you got the ball.

• Joseph pulling you aside at half time and explaining, "My child, remember when I said violence wasn't the answer? Yes, well, this might be the one time where I am wrong."

• John bragging about you to the opposing team's parents, "Oh look! There they go again! Out running all of your children and scoring on them."

• Your sophmore year you almost failed math, you had good grades in your other classes, but the teacher wouldn't budge. It was your worst subject.

• At away games, it was almost like the whole cult was there to cheer you on. They would take two massive buses of members who would come see you play.

• Your math teacher never called for a parent-teacher conference ever again. Your grade became a C shortly after that meeting.

• John calling your math teacher and saying, "It would be a shame if (insert random blackmail information) became public."

• You being the best in PE class, with none of the kids being able to catch up, because Jacob Seed trained you every early morning. You were a force to be reckoned with.

• When you started dating, the whole family was very protective of you.

• Jacob and John were more direct when it came to threatening your boyfriend/girlfriend about being good to you.

• "If you try anything, I will carve the sin from your flesh myself. No one will be able to save you, and when I am done with you, well..." John's words fading into a deep chuckle, with that leering smile on his expression.

• Jacob crossed arms, stern posture, "Hmm, I hope you know where you belong, you pathetic weak little-" He stopped at Joseph's glare, "Especially where your hands belong, or else you'll lose'em."

• Your first ex ended up finding snakes in their pillow case before they went to bed one night. Jacob swore 'he had nothing to do with it' and John couldn't stop smiling.

• Faith and Joseph were sweet and kind, but their words had a warning lurking beneath them.

• "My child, you are so full of life. I would be very disappointed should something happen that would require that life to be slowly taken from you. I will pray for you." And Joseph traced a cross onto their forehead, which they couldn't have know that that meant they were marked.

• "It's so nice to know that they think you deserve them." Faith placing a hand on her chest, mockingly being kind to your date. "They are so giving and genuine aren't they? Let's hope they are right... for your sake."

• Your boyfriend/girlfriend had to ask permission before taking you to the local drive in.

• Jacob and John stopping you before you leave, "Don't forget that one neck breaking move that I showed you" and "Do you have that knife that I gave you last Christmas".

• When they give you the talk, Jacob was completely absent from the conversation, John wouldn't stop nervously pacing, and Faith and Joseph were mainly doing the talking.

• Jacob piping in at the end, to Joseph's aggravation, "Just make sure you wrap it up, kid."

• "Only when married can two partners share eachother in such an intimate and loving embrace," Joseph explains.

• Jacob admitting, "Ya'know kid, I actually don't mind having you around, and I don't like having anybody around."

• Joseph always saying, "After I lost my daughter, I never thought the Lord would gift me with another child, and then... and then we found you."

• Take your kid to work day, where John takes you to one of the Project's many court hearings at the Missoula courthouse.

• "My daughter/son would be a better lawyer than you ever could be and they haven't even become a lawyer yet."

• All the other cult members practically babysitting you, or watching your back while the Seeds did the Lord's work.

• Jacob giving you your very own Judge, that follows you around the Veteran's Center and elsewhere when he is busy.

• John Seed tried to cook for you one time and it came out horrible, so you both just started get pre-made meals in the mail.

• Prom night at the Hope County Highschool was a night to remember because John, Joseph, Jacob, and Faith all chaperoned.

• When no one wanted to dance with you in fear of your four parents, the Seeds each had one dance with you.

• John, Faith, and you pranked Jacob into beating up your PE teacher, with a disapproving Joseph on the sidelines.

• You all ended up back at the ranch anyways, for a family dinner.

• When you graduated high school, John Seed revealed his secret stash of wine to you, "You are old enough in my book."

• You having trouble figuring out what you want to do in life.

• "Whatever you do, whether its here with us, or not, we will support you."

• Jacob swelling with pride when you join the Army (but secretly afraid because he doesn't want you to go through what he went through), John nearly crying when you explain you want to become a JAG, and be a lawyer like him.

• John calling you to talk about the family and complain, Jacob rarely calling or accepting your phone calls (he doesn't like phones so much, but you know he cares), Joseph and you communicate through letters, and Faith always FaceTimes or Skypes you.

• When the first seal is broken, the Family urges you to return home to help prepare for the collapse.

• Even as you rushed to get back, there was not enough time.

• You don't make it back before the collapse and end up stuck in someone else's bunker, an individual that you soon come to be friends with.

• Joseph gives you a frantic welcome, crying and holding you in his vice grasp. He explains what happened, how Jacob, John and Faith were killed.

• When the seven years ends, you head straight to Hope County, your bunk mate and you head your separate ways. You look for your family with all of the energy you have, and you find them. There is only one left.

• And then you cry and feel guilty, because you blame yourself for not getting back in time. But Joseph talks you out of that guilt and explains to you that what we do now will be in their honor.

• Ethan being slightly jealous when Joseph shows you more love and affection than him.

• Joseph and you talk about them often.

• And he introduces you to the man you would call your brother, Ethan.

• Together, the three of you try to build what your family had always wanted.

• Joseph stating with so much appreciation and gratefulness in his voice, "You came back safe to me, you came back home. I am proud of you, and John, Jacob, and Faith would be so proud of you too."

• And you never once realized that the Judge was, in fact, the murderer of your beloved parents.

• At least you had Joseph and Ethan...

• Since the day Jacob punched your dad across the jaw in the church, "I know what it's like. No one will ever touch you like that ever again", he promised.

• The day that John stood in a court room and fought for you, "You are one of us now, and we Seeds protect eachother."

• The day that Joseph wrapped a blanket around you, "I knew you would come to us, to be part of our family."

• And the day that Faith held you in her loving embrace, "Everything happens for a reason, my little flower."

• That was the day you became a Seed.

[4pondsinabox]

Women of the Waverider: Zari Tarazi

You know how some things “fans” say just really don’t sit right with you and you just sit there letting things fester in your brain for weeks and weeks until it all tumbles out into one giant essay? So yeah.

A few weeks ago, I created an extensive post on the Legends of Tomorrow Amino analyzing who I have found to be the four most hated characters on this wonderfully wacky time-travel show. All, naturally, are women and two are evidently non-white. Very curious, wouldn’t you say? After pissing some people off by stating “inherent societal misogyny affects the way we perceive female characters, especially when they act similarly to beloved male characters,” I resolved to move my argument here and see what other damage I could do.

For length purposes, I’m only focusing on Zari for today, but will be happy to transfer the others over if this makes any number of notes. Now, down to business:

Why do I love Zari 2.0 and Why Should You?

“Annoying” and “Spoiled brat” are the words I most commonly see associated with Zari Tarazi. Because the first of these is completely unhelpful in arguments (tell me WHY you find her annoying, then we can talk), I will focus on the second and how much it completely ignores her family dynamic. In the very first episode she is introduced, Zari is shown to be constantly ignored by her parents in favor of her brother. By definition, she cannot be spoiled because she’s not even given the attention she craves, much less whatever she wants. It’s no wonder her relationship with Behrad was strained to start with, when the favorite child is so evident. This is where her social media followers come in.

Kids are always in need of attention, of someone to take pride in their efforts and tell them they are doing a good job. When they don’t receive this attention, they latch on to something or someone else. Clearly, a young Zari, who had launched to fame with her dragon taming and received no evident approval from her parents, turned to her fans for support. Zari Tarazi is no longer a child, but old habits die hard and posting photos and videos online is her way of feeling like SOMEONE cares about her. “I have millions of followers but no friends” is what tells Ava and the audience that Zari has tried for so long to get people to like her from afar but has made no personal connections in the process. This is why her relationships with other members of the Waverider, which gradually grow over the course of the series, are so so important.

Ava was her first true friend, the person who connected with the real Zari, not the facade she created for social media. For the first time, Zari belonged somewhere, with a team no less. That little smile when she is told she is finally part of one? It tells all. She connected with Mick through their shared experiences with fans and supported him when he didn’t know how to deal with a particularly difficult troll. She had every intention to try and befriend Astra, even after getting off on the wrong foot. Zari wants only to make connections with people, real people, in a way she’s never been able to before. It’s hardly a crime to want to look good in the process.

The phrase “Zari 2.0 doesn’t fit with the Waverider team because she lacks experience like the old Zari” is misogynistic at its core. Zari 1.0 was “experienced” because she saw her family killed and had to grow up fast to survive. “Experience” is not the word you are looking for here, it is trauma, and trauma is not what makes women interesting. Zari Tarazi IS different in personality from the rest of the Waverider team, but that’s what makes her such a critical addition. When Mona was booted off, the writers needed another character who could lighten up the team in Ray’s absence. Zari brings the Drama but also Humor and Fun to a group of people who often forget how to have it. Amidst an ex-assassin, a studious clone, a grumbling thief, stressed shapeshifter, and brooding magician, someone who knows how to throw a good party and host it with style turned out to be a welcome change for many of them. Prior to this, only the men were given the chance to goof off while the women were always in charge of missions and rules, so isn’t it refreshing to see these gender stereotypes reversed?

But that’s just scratching the surface. Something else Zari possesses that none of the others do? Social skills. Who else was going to teach Ava how to lure popular party woman Marie Antoinette out of her element? Who else could have come up with the crazy suggestion to start a sorority and successfully draw out the god of wine and parties? Zari 2.0 may not have visible superpowers or be a hacker, but she understands people, which is something none of the other legends can claim and is a kind of superpower in itself.

The most ironic argument frequently made against her character? How John Constantine should never be paired with someone so different from him. The woman who, despite evident self-hatred, acts superior to everyone else is somehow different from John “drown my sorrows in alcohol and distance myself from everyone to act too cool for them” Constantine. Zari may have a bigger wardrobe and John might wear the same outfit over and over again, but fundamentally they have much common ground in the way they see themselves and how they hide it by acting superior around other people. This relationship wasn’t hastily thrown together like Nate and Zari 1.0, who have absolutely nothing in common. “John would never choose to be with someone like her!” You mean someone who acts just as stubborn and full of themselves as he is? Their big egos were bound to clash at first, but these similarities won each other over in the end.

It’s so easy to reduce feminine characters to dumb airheads and this is exactly why posts “defending womanhood and femininity” have been trending so much the last few years. It’s exactly why Tala herself pleaded with the fans in an interview to “please give this new Zari a chance” BEFORE any episode had even aired. Women are told that to be “strong” and successful in life they should act more like men, which is far from the truth. Zari Tarazi IS feminine, but also a successful, adored businesswoman who knows how to get what she wants. Viewers might hate her for it, but she subverts the “dumb feminine woman” trope in a way that’s incredibly important for fashion and makeup loving women today.

Before wining that the writers transformed Zari into a bunch of stereotypes, actually watch the show and rethink why you might feel the way you do about a certain character. It’s safe to say not every character clicks with every fan, but boiling hatred towards a confident, influential, feminine woman just ... does not translate well.

[diddlesanddoodles]

DUMPLING ch 50

“Wait! You’re Bumbling Bertol?” Jae exclaimed dubiously, in far too loud a voice. A moment of clarity seemed to overtake him, and he cleared his throat. “I mean… uh. Sorry. Bertol. So, uh… you’re Bertol then, huh?”

The giant did not appear to take any real offense at the mocking moniker and merely regarded Jae with an easy stare.

“I used to be. That name… well, I cannot say I did not earn it,” he explained with a resigned sigh. An air of wistful regret came over him as he stared passed them. “I was a pathetic creature in my younger days. I went from hamlet to hamlet, village to village, selling my talents for whatever coin or bauble they saw fit to give me. I sold predictions, but nothing too grand. Not in those days, at least. Ordinary folks only wish to know ordinary things.”

He plucked up three apples and tossed them into his mouth. “The housewife wants to know if she’ll bear a son, the poor farmer wishes to know if the year’s crop will be bountiful, and the young maid aches to know the name of the man whom she will wed.” He sighed in frustration and his expression became bitter.

“Simple questions that should have simple answers. But life is far more complicated and twice as cruel. The housewife will have her son, but he will die of pneumonia at too young an age. The farmer’s harvest will be plentiful, but it will be his last before a heart attack strikes him down. The young maid learns the name of her beloved only to find he is fifteen years her senior and a foul drunkard.” Bertol took up another apple and rolled it idly between his fingers. “Such dire predictions. They grind against your soul after so long. I grew weary of seeing the doom ahead of so many people. So I took solace in herbal concoctions and alcohol spirits. I became the man they called Bumbling Bertol. Truthfully, I don’t recall much of those days. I don’t remember a good many of the predictions now credited to my name. Most of them are silly anyway.”

“How did you meet Ellis?” Haiyer asked, his eyes alight with intrigue. The little boy had taken up a spot near Bertol’s knee and was listening with rapt attention, despite the morose subject matter.

“It shames me to say that I don’t quite remember how or where I met her,” he admitted, shifting in his seat and running a hand down his beard. “I was drunk. I know that much. And that she watched over me while I was passed out in a gutter somewhere. She claims that in my wretched inebriated state I called her beautiful and that was why she took pity on me. But I know that is a lie. Fairies are notoriously voyeuristic and mischievous. And I suppose in that state I was quite a humorous thing to behold. In all truthfulness, she was probably bored and looking for some fun. But after I had sobered up, she still stayed with me. She would watch me as I made my predictions, drank myself stupid afterwards, and spent the following hours or days wandering around like fool.”

As he spoke of his fairy companion, Bertol’s dour expression softened and a smile came to his lips. He turned to look down at Haiyer. “She watched over me. Much in the way she looks after you, little one.”

He gestured to the little boy. “She did that for me. Then she began to teach me things about magic, things I never knew. About how my gift of foresight could be harnessed to see beyond merely the terrible. My predictions began to change the more I learned from her. I began to see the good and less and less of the bad. The promise of new horizons stretched on before me and I needed the bottle less and less. For a small amount of time, I was quite content.”

“So then,” Jae pressed, biting into his apple, “where does the Gold Prophecy come into play?”

Nenani ran her fingers across one of her apples as her heart raced. She was all too familiar with the Gold Prophecy, and while many of the people who spoke of it did so with a mockingly or dismissively, it always left her feeling ill. Those were the words that echoed in her dreams, that were spoken by centuries-dead mages deep within the Vhasshalan catacombs, and most worrying of all they were the very words Aidus spoke the day she first met him face to face. 

Those words were a curse.

At Jae’s question, all warmth left Bertol’s face. His expression soured and the giant snorted derisively. “That damn prophecy. It has caused me nothing but misfortune from the day those accursed words left my lips.”

“Do you…” Nenani began, feeling an uneasiness in her belly. Her mind drifted to the catacombs within the Vhasshalan keep and to the skeleton mage. She rested a hand against the fire opal on her belt. “What is it really about? The prophecy?”

“Who knows,” he grunted. “I speak the words as they come to me. I am not omnipotent.”

“Ah, come on!” Jae whined, clearly dissatisfied with his answer. “That’s bullshit! It’s gotta be about someone.”

Bertol glared at the young man and leaned towards him.

“And you think it is about the King do you?” he asked with a sneer.

“Well, a lot of people do,” Jae replied defensively. Meeting Bertol’s eye, he steeled himself and nodded firmly. “So yes. I do think it’s about Warren.”

Bertol glare darkened. “You are hardly the first to ask me the meaning of those words or to believe them to be about one person or another. Many came to me to ask if those words foretold their rise to power. And like you, they did not care for my answer. Some tried to force me to declare that it was always about them and, when I would not, I would be beaten or imprisoned.” A sly grin crossed his face. “So Ellis taught me a useful trick for escaping such circumstances and I am not ashamed to say I have become quite good at it. I became a wanted man.”

He sat back up and gave a half shrug. “And so we went into hiding. I became something of a hermit and avoided people at all cost. I found life in the mountains away from people quite suited me. That was until the war spoiled everything.”

“The war?” Haiyer asked.

“We were able to distance ourselves from the worst of it,” Bertol continued. “Until one day we came upon the aftermath of a battle along the Deahil Nenani river.” His eyes drifted to Nenani and seemed to size her up. “The very river you’re named for.”

“Riftside,” Jae supplied. “That was the battle of Riftside. Warren’s brother died there. Prince Mourin.”

Bertol grunted as he waved the anecdote away. “A corpse with a crown on its head is still a corpse, boy. And believe me, there were many of them. Human and Vhasshalan alike. Further down river from the battle’s center is where Ellis found him, a Silvaaran mage. He was gravely injured, but alive.” Bertol paused and for several long moments did not say a word. He appeared to Nenani as though he were replaying the events in his mind and he did not look pleased at all. “Ellis convinced me that we should save him. So I pulled the man from the water and tried to dress his wounds as best I was able. Ellis was dissatisfied with my quality of care and decided to use her stone.”

“Stone?” Nenani asked. “What kind of stone?”

“A stone of power, a ruby. It was a dear treasure to her and not a gift she so easily bestowed upon others. She used it to heal him.”

“Stones of power can do that?” Nenani asked, looking down at her opal.

“Not the stone itself,” Bertol replied, reaching into his bag and pulling out a red river rock. He turned it idly through his fingers. “The magic infused within is the healing catalyst as the stone is merely a vessel. Fae magic is wild and can be amazingly powerful when wielded in the proper way. Horrendously destructive if misused.” He tossed the stone into the air and caught it with his other hand. “The mage was healed and saved and he was very grateful of course. But as I was a giant, I made him nervous. I attempted to calm his fears and, not much to my surprise, he had heard of me. And he had heard my prophecies., including the one that would become known as the Gold Prophecy. Like so many before, he was very interested in that one. A little too interested for my liking, so I left Ellis to it. She likes to make pets of mortals every now and again. I thought she would do the same with this one.” He shook his head as he glared out into open space. “He attacked her while I was away. Stole her ruby and tried to absorb all that magic it had soaked in over hundreds of years. The fool.”

Nenani ran her fingers over the opal set inside her belt, trying to imagine what hundreds of years of built up magic would feel like. Extremely unpleasant, she was sure.

“It should have killed him, trying to take in all that magic,” Bertol continued. “His aura turned black and his body began to flake apart like ash. But he somehow held himself together, though he was nothing but smoke and cinders and… I don’t think you could rightly call him human after that. Both Ellis and I tried to get the ruby back, but we were not a match for him as he was. I was lucky to have survived and without her stone she could not heal me. The smoke mage disappeared with the ruby and Ellis and I retreated into the hills to lick our wounds.”

“Aidus,” Nenani declared. Her hands rested in her lap, clutching hard enough to turn her knuckles white. “The mage you’re talking about. That was Aidus, wasn’t it?”

“I learned his name much later,” Bertol explained.,“when Ellis found him again after a long search. You must understand, without her stone she was no longer permitted to return to her home realm as it was considered a Fae relic. To return home, she would have to get her ruby back. But in the end it did not matter as her other crimes came to light. Her fellows discovered that she had taught me Fae secrets and that was the reason she was banished.”

He tossed a few more apples into his mouth and was silent as he chewed. “There is nothing like the vengeance of a Fae being. She wanted that mage’s blood. It did not matter that it was I that got her banished. She blamed the mage all the same. I’m not sure what she was planning to do once she had found him. He could and would kill her. Fae can live on forever, but that doesn’t mean they cannot be killed. They are not gods, no matter how much they may act as though they are. But when she did find him, she also found something else. Or rather… someone.”

He regarded Haiyer with a pointed look. “A baby.”

Haiyer pointed at himself, grinning wide. “Me?”

“Yes,” he said with a small smile. “You. It seemed as though the moment she found you, all thought of revenge dissipated. She said you had faint traces of green in you and that you needed protection, so she would watch over you.”

“Green?” Jae asked. “What does that mean?”

Bertol rolled his eyes. “Green. As in the forest. Nature. A green mage.”

Jae glanced at Haiyer and then back at Bertol with a heavily dubious expression. “…green mages? You think… Haiyer’s a green mage?”

“Not so much me,” Bertol replied. “Ellis. It’s what drew her to him. She claimed he was an unbloomed green mage. A rare thing these days and, to the Fae, a precious one.”

“Why would him supposedly being a green mage make her drawn to him?”

“Green mages are supposedly descended from the Fae.”

Jae blinked and then laughed loudly. Through his chortling, he asked “…are you saying Haiyer’s part fairy?”

“No,” Bertol growled. “Green mages are said to have once been descendants of Fae, but they are absolutely human. It’s their connection to the earth that attracts Fae to them. Same way dragons are drawn to fire mages or sea serpents to water mages. They share a common element, their primal sources are the same, and so one will attract the other.”

“And like fairies,” Jae shot back, “green mages are supposed to be nothing but children’s stories.”

“And like the Fae, green mages like to keep hidden and to themselves,” the giant retorted. He glanced up at Nenani and smirked. “The exact opposite of fire mages. Flashy blowhards.”

“Hey!” Nenani barked with a mouth full of apple.

“When she found this one as a babe,” Bertol continued, tapping Haiyer on the head, “she tried to take him back with her, away from Aidus’s clutches. But there was some sort of barrier that would not let her pass through with him. It seemed that Aidus had sensed her peeking about and had made precautions against her meddling. So she settled for watching. But when his mother finally escaped, Ellis was able to better help them, steering them towards clean water, away from poisonous plants. Once they were safe in Vhasshal, I thought her watch over the boy would end. But then the last time she went to visit him… she never returned.”

Nenani recalled back to her first magic lesson and how Maevis had suddenly pulled something invisible from the air and sealed it into a jar. For weeks now she had been harboring a slight suspicion of what was really inside that jar, but now there was no doubt.

“That was Maevis,” Nenani said, casting an apologetic sidelong glance at Jae. “He… he thought it was Aidus snooping around.”

“And so she has sat in that same jar ever since,” Bertol said with a sneer as he balled his hands into tight fists. “That damn magician…”

“Hey!” Jae snapped, pointing a warning finger at the giant. “Maevis is my good friend, and if I hear you say one nasty thing about him I’ll—”

Bertol laughed, cutting off whatever Jae may have said, and leaned into the boy’s space. Jae fumbled back with a start.

“You’ll what?” Bertol demanded. “Just because the King has made you a prince does mean that you possess any real power. You are still my prisoner and a human. And not even a mage at that. So don’t throw around commands as though anyone would listen.”

“Hey,” Jae said, squaring his shoulders. “Just because—”

“Your value is only that which the King has placed upon you,” Bertol said, cutting Jae off again.

The boy glared as his face colored in frustration and embarrassment. “Well… technically speaking I’m not a prince yet.”

Bertol waved a dismissive hand at him as he pulled away. “Close enough for my purposes. You could be as common as a mushroom so long you’re valued by the one in power.”

Jae frowned at the giant and looked up at Nenani.

“I think he just called me a mushroom,” he said. But when she did not respond or even acknowledge him, he grew concerned. It was then that he noticed that her hands were glowing. “Nenani?”

“I’m just wondering,” she said at last, staring off into space. “How different everything would be if… if you and Ellis hadn’t saved him. If you just let him die there.” A pause. “Papa would still be alive…”

Jae didn’t have an answer for her and he looked over to Bertol, a question in his eyes. In turn, the giant stared at the bubbled girl, but his face revealed nothing.

“It is useless to dream of what could have been or to mourn what never was,” he said at last. “The truth is both Ellis and I made a mistake that day. One I imagined cost many lives and much sorrow.”

“Do you feel guilty though? Even a little?” she asked, looking him in the eye. Her magic surged with every beat of her heart, and she could not keep from thinking of all the years she would have had with her father if it hadn’t been for the actions of the giant before her. And his fairy. Right then, she did not care that Ellis had protected her brother all those years. If Aidus had just died at Riftside, her father would be alive and her mother would have never been taken. Haiyer would have been born in the Southlands and uncle Halden would have not been killed. The fire would have never burned the fishing fleet. She would have her family. They would be safe and alive and whole and together.

Bertol just stared at her. “What use would my guilt be?”

His words were incendiary and the ever present fire deep within her began to rage and burn with an unbridled fury.

“But it’s your fault,” she told him. The anger within her surged like a pot boiling over and the glow of her hands began to spread up her arms and chest. It traveled up her neck and across her face and her eyes began to glow.

“N-Nenani?”

“Calm down,” Bertol snorted, reaching out and cupping the bubble between his hands. “There isn’t anything—”

“It’s your fault!” she yelled over him. The bubble filled with fire as she cried out and then abruptly it was gone. The shock of sudden weightlessness extinguished the worst of her flames and she dropped, only to fall into Bertol’s hands. Before she could recover enough to recall her anger, his fingers wrapped around her and held her firmly. His fingers began to glow a bright yellow that contrasted starkly against the angry orange and red of her fire.

“Now that is enough!” he said in a booming voice. His large face loomed above her and his eyes narrowed. “It’s generally ill-advised to be lighting fires within a small and enclosed space. Much like fire, people need to breathe air to live and without it they have the annoying habit of suffocating.”

She glared at him, trying to summon her fire again, but found it oddly difficult. Her arms were trembling, and no matter how deep she tried to reach inside to pull it out, she found her magic weakened and drained away. Looking at the glowing hands around her, she panted with sudden exhaustion. “W-what… what are you… doing… to me?”

“Keeping your flames down,” he growled. “Until you’ve calmed yourself.”

“You can’t do that!” Jae barked. He ran to the giant’s side and grabbed onto his vest, pulling with all his might. “Put her down! NOW!”

“Stop that,” Bertol snapped at him. “I can do as I please. Or have you forgotten you are my prisoners?”

A half-eaten apple struck the giant’s temple and he jerked his furious gaze down at Haiyer as the boy picked up another apple. “Leave my sister alone!”

“If you all don’t stop this right now,” Bertol growled, shifting his gaze between Haiyer and Jae, “I will bubble all of you!”

“Ellis said you were nice!” Haiyer cried as he threw another apple that struck the giant’s shoulder. “But you’re not at all! You’re mean. You’re an arse!”

Nenani renewed her struggles and tried to kick at the giant’s wrists. “And you smell really bad!”

“ENOUGH!” the giant cried, the sound echoing loudly in Nenani’s ears. His hands disappeared from around her, but instead of falling to the ground, she fell back against the now familiar walls of a bubble. Below her, she saw Haiyer and Jae both in bubbles of their own. Bertol got to his feet and stared at the three of them with fury as he tried to catch his breath.

“You will be quiet and meek as mice for the remainder of our time together,” he told them in a low and firm voice. “And then once Ellis is returned to me you will be someone else’s problem.”

Nenani was still too drained to attempt another escape and only wished she’d been re-bubbled with her blankets. Without their cushioning buffer, the bubble was quite uncomfortable.

“Um,” Haiyer spoke up hesitantly and shifted oddly within his confinement, “…I have to pee.”

Bertol glared daggers at the small boy. “Too bad.”

“But—”

“I said,” Bertol began, his face hard, “too ba—”

“BERTOL!” bellowed a voice from outside the tent, drowning out the giant’s words and startling all four of them. Nenani perked up with a grin.

“Farris?” She said with a hopeful voice and looked towards the open tent flap in hopes of catching a glimpse of him. Bertol’s gaze followed and his frown deepened.

“YE BETTER BE GETTING’ YER MOLDY OL’ ARSE OUT HERE NOW YE FUCKER!”

“Oh yeah,” Jae agreed with a grin of his own. “That’s Farris.”

With his eyes still fixed upon the tent’s opening, Bertol raised his hand and, in unison, all three of the bubbled humans rose as well. They followed after him as he left the tent, floating along as though pulled by invisible leads.

Once outside, Nenani was finally able to see exactly where they had been brought. Far off in the distance she could see snow-peaked mountains and below that a wide grassy valley of low sloping hills and sparse copses of trees. A heavy,frigid mist blanketed the ground, and as Bertol stepped out his bare feet made low crunching sounds against the frozen grass. Despite all the evidence pointing to the morning being especially chilly, Nenani did not feel cold at all. Thinking back, she realized with some confusion that she had been perfectly warm the entire time and yet there had been no fire to guard them against the morning frost.

Several yards outside the copse of trees where Bertol had pitched his tent stood Farris and Keral. Farris had exchanged his white apron for a long brown overcoat while Keral was dressed in his ranger’s uniform. In his hands he held a lantern that appeared very similar to the ones Maevis had created for the detection of Aidus’s magic. It was glowing and the sight gave Nenani pause, but she realized with relief that the light was the wrong color. The lantern glowed with a warm golden light rather than the pale violet of the warning beacons. As she studied it, Nenani could make out the shape of a person within and she blinked. Ellis, she realized. That was Ellis.

“If yer wantin’ yer damn fairy back,” Keral called out to Bertol. His voice was nowhere near as loud as Farris, but still managed to sound equally as cross. “Ye better hand over the lil’uns. Now.”

Bertol stopped at the edge of his camp to face the brothers with a hard glare. “You’re more than welcome to take them back. I’ll be glad of it,” he said. “As soon as ye release Ellis to me, that is.”

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BONUS ART

[serotocin38]

As Film & TV Genres

Shen Qingqiu as Murder Mystery: Shen Qingqiu would make both the perfect villain and the perfect detective in a murder mystery show or movie. Just imagine... A camera slowly panning into a dimly lit room, covered wall to wall with pictures and newspaper clippings. A silhouette of a man stands in front of the wall, slowly fanning himself. The fan snaps shut with a very satisfying click as everything suddenly becomes clear, and the mystery is to be unveiled. Honestly, it’s the fan. The whole “hiding half of his face behind his fan” thing could definitely be a perfect modus operandi for a killer shrouded by shadows, or the detective who is cold and aloof on the outside, but hides a dark and painful past behind that mask. Also, if Shen Qingqiu were the detective, he’d be the one that values his work above all else, causing him to have a nonexistent love and social life. But who can break this workaholic shell of his? Cough, definitely not his coworker who also happens to be the killer he’s chasing, cough

Luo Binghe as Thriller: Not only does thriller go hand-in-hand with mystery, but a thriller film is characterized by feelings of both anticipation and apprehension. If that doesn’t describe Luo Binghe, I honestly have no idea what else can fit him. If one were to ask Shen Qingqiu pre-relationship what he felt about Binghe, it would probably be along the lines of “he makes me want to shit myself in fear, but he’s also kind of sweet and makes really good food, but also I’m terrified of him”. I think it would be cinematic gold for a movie to open up with: It’s an empty room, backlit with a foreboding red glow. A man walks in slowly, his footsteps echoing with each slow thud. And then he chuckles, low and quiet, head cocked to the side tauntingly. All we can see is his cold smile, the slight curl of a sneer or a smirk. Maybe he even licks his lips once, showing a glint of canines. And he says one line before the screen goes black, “I’m coming for you”. And we’re left wondering, who is this character? Is he a good guy? A bad guy? Either way, he’s pretty sexy, but also a bit scary because what if he’s a psycho murderer? We’ll just have to find out...

Wei Wuxian as Western: Hear me out, hear me out. Westerns are generally pretty cheesy with the exaggerated drawl, the gunfights, the macho men slowly walking towards each other with a squinted eyes, flicking aside the toothpick they’ve been chewing on the whole movie. But it’s exactly that setting that I think would fit Wei Wuxian perfectly. It’s a rom-com and action salad tossed together with a handful of tumbleweeds and a healthy dose of dusty streets. Wei Wuxian would be the charismatic outlaw who thinks he has no cares in the world aside from booze, women, and righting the wrongs of the money-greedy government. But he was wrong. Because suddenly, his best friend gets shot in front of him, and his friend’s dying wish is for someone to watch over his little brother. So suddenly Wei Wuxian, the lawless loner, is saddled with some law-abiding teenager who seems to hate his guts. And Wei Wuxian can’t exactly get rid of him, so he puts up with this burden who slowly grows on him as they travel the Western wilderness on horseback. Wei Wuxian tries teaching the kid the ways of drinking and flirting, but the kid’s obviously not interested. In fact, the kid’s disapproving glare every time Wei Wuxian returns with his saddlebags filled with cash is actually starting to make him feel guilty?? Anyway, my point being, it’s not a Western without some cheesy romance ;)

Lan Wangji as Nature Documentary: There’s not much of a reason for this other than the fact I feel like Lan Wangji would have a very soothing, deep voice that would be perfect for narrating nature documentaries. Just imagine him saying, “The male peacock continues to flaunt his beautiful feathers in front of the drab, colorless females. He is rejected again... and again... and again. They don’t seem to notice his efforts............... *soft sigh*”. And that’s all the reasoning I feel is necessary to provide.

Xie Lian as Reality TV: With Xie Lian’s ability to be so unbelievably unlucky, he really needs a crew of cameramen following him around. They wouldn’t even need to script fake drama into it because his life is so crazy to start with. He gets dragged into conflict after conflict when all he really wants to do is to settle down in his run-down shrine and live a domestic life. Xie Lian may not have many brain cells to spare, but he’s still the unwilling parent figure of the Upper Heavenly Court, and they cannot function properly without his interference. Not to mention, he often has a band of “children” he has no relations to following him around (e.g. Lang Ying, Gu Zi, small Hua Cheng, Ban Yue, Quan Yizhen, Shi Qingxuan, Qi Rong, Mu Qing, Feng Xin, etc.). His viewers are very sympathetic towards the 800+ year-old virgin who is immortalized at the age of 17 to be saddled with such a huge responsibility (but they love the drama, so they’re not that sympathetic).

Hua Cheng as Action: If a building were to explode, the only person who would turn and walk away in slow motion would be Hua Cheng. There’s no doubt that he has a flare for the dramatics, wanting to stand out and do extreme things to grab attention. But plot twist, Hua Cheng isn’t the hero of the story, no, no. He’s actually the “bad guy”, but he’s really, really, really good at his job, so we just watch him escape over and over again, running back home to his little wife who is waiting day and night, wondering if his husband will return today. But Hua Cheng made a vow that he would always come back, no matter what. So Hua Cheng is painted as an evil, manipulative, cunning villain to the public, but Hua Cheng doesn’t care, and will continue to do even crazier and even riskier stunts all to fulfill his promise to return to his beloved. Plot twist part 2, Hua Cheng didn’t actually want to be the bad guy. He just volunteered himself when his beloved got into some trouble with some really bad people, and he found out that he’s actually really good at kicking ass and is a natural-born escape artist or something, so he’s just winging it, really.