#every day or every other day i wake up and see someone from palestine that i have retweeted from or have seen their tweets urging others to

[clairoscharm]

— you & him | f.h

DAILY CLICK

WAYS TO HELP PALESTINE

EDUCATE YOURSELF

The sunlight from the sun paints your shared bedroom with Five brighter as the two of you are still tangled in bed, covered in duvet for warmth from October's coldness. It was Saturday, and every Saturday, the two of you would sleep in for an hour or two before waking up craving a cup of coffee. Five gently wakes you up by softly tracing a line on your skin. The soft touches make you ticklish and wake you up. Five kissed your temple before wishing you a good morning, and you smiled at him. "Would you care for another coffee-hunting date with me?" he asked as his fingers ran through your hair, untangling it. You smiled at the soft touch of Five's fingers running through my hair, enjoying the simple intimacy of the moment. "A coffee-hunting date sounds lovely," you replied, your voice still groggy from sleep. "But first, I need a few more minutes of this cozy bed and your gentle touch," you say, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. A few moments later, the two of you get out of bed, the cold air of October making you shiver. You take turns getting ready, stealing glances at each other's reflection in the bathroom mirror, and wearing matching outfits.

It was a sunny day. The birds were chirping, the kids were playing, and it was a wonderful day. You stood near the large window in your house with a cup of tea in your hand, watching the kids and wishing you were them, while also imagining yourself as a mother. You smiled to yourself as you heard the contagious laughs from the kids and how it plastered a sweet smile on your face. However, someone was feeling a bit cranky that evening. "This damn kids are always so loud," Five groaned. You chuckled lightly at Five's grumpy complaint, setting down your tea mug and walking over to him. "Oh, come on, they're just having some fun outside," you teased. He scoffs at you, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know, but they're driving me crazy. Can't they play somewhere else? Preferably far away from our house?". "Maybe a cup of coffee would cheer you up, old man!" "Oh, very funny," he muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes at your comment, but a small smirk crossed his face. "And I'm not that old". You smiled at his grumpy reaction, knowing that underneath his grouchy exterior, he was secretly enjoying your teasing. "Come on, grumpy old man," you said, taking his hand in yours. "Let's get you that cup of coffee". And indeed, the sign on your house's front door is true: "A lovely lady and a grumpy man live here".

You have told Five how much you love the rain, yet you tend to use an umbrella to shelter yourself. If you truly love the rain, why would you not embrace it? Let the rain fall from the dark clouds drenched you with its tears. That is something Five never understood. The date was going perfectly fine until the sky suddenly darkened and drops of rain started to fall. "Come on! You said you love the rain," shouted Five, while gesturing for you to join him plays with the rain. You chuckle at his insistence but hesitate for a moment. "I do love the rain," you say, watching as he splashes happily in a puddle. "But I don't want to catch a cold". However, Five's playful smile and the way the rain glistened on his hair was too enticing. You couldn't resist his charm. "Fine, fine. I'll join you," you finally say, stepping out of the shelter and into the rain. Without waiting for a moment, Five grabs your hand and pulls you into the open. The raindrops hit your skin, cold and refreshing. Five laughs as he twirls you around, his face elated. "See? This is much better than standing under a tree, isn't it?" he shouts over the sound of the rain. Your heart flutters at how carefree he looks. "Okay, okay," you say, "You were right. This is fun!". The rain continues to fall, but neither of you seems to mind. Instead, you splash through the puddles on the sidewalk, laughing and enjoying the cool feeling of the rain. Five takes your hand again and starts to spin you around in the rain more, his smile wider than you've seen in a long time. As the two of you dance through the rain, you feel a sense of freedom, as if nothing else in the world matters except for you and him. Five pauses for a moment, his hand still holding yours, and gazes at you. "I must admit," he says, his voice low, "You look absolutely stunning in the rain," he grins, his hands wrapping around your waist. You smile at him, feeling your cheek blush at his words. "You're not so bad yourself, you know," you say, poking him playfully in the chest. Five chuckles, pulling you closer to him, his body pressed against yours. "Oh yeah? You think so?". The rain continues to fall, but neither of you seems to notice anymore. All that matters is the two of you, wrapped up in each other's arms, dancing in the rain.

"Hey, Five… What's all in this box?" you questioned with a wooden box in your hands, holding it to your chest. Five's eyes widened as his heart raced when he saw you holding the box, the letters he'd written over the years stashed inside. He couldn't believe he had forgotten about it, and now fear gripped him as he wondered if he should tell you what was inside. The wooden box that contains all of his letters for you that he couldn't be sent because of a different timeline. All the thoughts, wishes, and hopes he had written on any paper that he could find. Writing every detail that he had known of about you, even the smallest details that even you, yourself didn't know of. Writing every memory he had with you when the two of you were together. Writing everything he wanted to say to you. Writing it all down so that he won't forget about you, he couldn't. He took a deep breath before answering, "That… that's just some old things I've been meaning to get rid of". He tried to make it sound as convincing as possible, but you could sense the nervousness in his voice. You raised an eyebrow, suspicious at his answer, sensing that there was more to that box than he let on. "Really? Just old things?" you asked, still holding the box, your fingers tracing the rough edges. Five shifted uncomfortably under your gaze, his mind racing with thoughts of what you would think if you knew what was inside that box. "Yeah, it's… it's nothing important," he mumbled, his voice wavering slightly. As you continued to hold the box, your fingers still tracing the edges, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to it. "You know, you're not a very good liar," you said, noticing the way he avoided eye contact. Five's heart sank as you called him out on his lie. He knew he couldn't hide the truth for long, but the thought of you reading his letters terrified him. He was scared of what would you think of him. He swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice steady. "It's… it's just some old letters," he admitted, his voice low. You looked up in surprise, not expecting him to admit to it so quickly. "Letters? To who?" you asked, your curiosity piqued. Five hesitated, unsure if he should tell you the truth. "They're… they're for you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "For me?" your voice laced with surprise. You never thought that Five would write you a letter but letters…? How many are there? What are they even about? "Yeah, for you… Back when I was stuck in the subway for almost seven years," he confessed. You knew about him being stuck there, he had told you. But he never told you about writing letters for you. The curiosity in you is getting stronger, you need to know what it is about. He watched as your expression shifted from surprised to curious, and he could see the question in your eyes. "Yes," he said softly, his voice laced with a hint of resignation. "I wrote them all during that time when I was stuck in the subway". Your mind was reeling with questions, but you tried to stay calm. "How many are there?" you asked, gesturing to the box. "A lot, I couldn't keep count". His answer only added to your curiosity, and you looked at the box in your hands as if trying to estimate how many letters were inside. "Can I… can I read them?" you asked, your voice hopeful. Five was hesitant at first, but after locking eyes with yours, he couldn't say no. After all, he wrote that for you. It was meant for you to read. With his reluctant nod, he gave you permission to explore the contents of the box. Your heart raced as you opened it, revealing stacks of envelopes and crumbled pieces of paper, each with your name written on the front. As you carefully began to read, you felt a wave of emotions wash over you - pain, love, longing, and hope, all captured on the pages.

My dearest love, As I wrote each letter, I poured my heart and soul into every word. I thought of you, how much I missed you, how much I wanted to be with you. The ink on the pages was a testament to my feelings, like a bruise on my heart. I wrote of the small things I missed, such as the way you laughed or the way your hair smelled. I wrote of the memories we shared, trying to keep them alive in my mind. Writing them was a bittersweet act, each page a reminder of the distance between us. Yours truly, forever. Five Hargreeves

In the end, you felt that despite everything, Five's love for you still burned as strong as ever.

[saturngalore]

the whiplash i get when my twitter tl is filled with tweets concerning what’s going in palestine rn and then i get on here and simblr is simblring

[mariamlovesyou]

tuned into Plestia's live with Rahma Zein's second account (she got shadowbanned). key moments:

plestia talked about her adjustment to living in australia. "it's 1:30am now and it's normal for me and many palestinians who live abroad to be awake hours into the morning. i am scared of sleeping. because of the time difference, i'm scared if i sleep i will wake up to bad news. in gaza i was scared of the sound of the bombs, here i am scared of the quiet."

contacting family and friends in gaza is near impossible. "sometimes i feel like a crazy person, calling 20 times in a row hoping that on the 21st time the call might go through."

on the destruction of entire communities and neighbourhoods: "i'm scared when i go back to gaza i won't recognise it anymore. someone sent me a picture of my neighbourhood, and i couldn't tell it was mine at first. all my favourite places, cafes where the aunties used to give me extra food and ask about my day, have been destroyed. i dread looking at my gallery or seeing snapchat memories because most of these people in the pictures are no longer alive."

rahma asked plestia to talk about one story that stuck with her. plestia said "i remember walking one time on the 'safe corridor', that's what they called it anyway, and i saw an older woman clutching onto a donkey cart where her son's body was, refusing to let go of it. i asked my colleague what the smell was, he said it's dead bodies under the rubble. it was the first time i familiarised myself with the smell. the son's body was decaying and the woman told me about cats and animals eating away at it. i've had children talk to me about birds eating away at their parents' decomposing bodies and not being able to chase them away."

"it seems so silly to go to hospitals for minor sicknesses now. i can't even think about how many palestinian children are going to be terrified of hospitals now. there was a girl who was taken to the hospital to get treatment for injuries by one of the bombs, and while she was in the bathroom another bomb landed nearby. the impact from that sent the ceiling crashing down on her.. she got another injury while getting treated for her first one."

"i hate how people talk about our resilience - as if it's okay that this is happening to us. we are only surviving because we have to, because we have no other choice."

rahma brought up the way family homes are set up in palestine and asked plestia to elaborate. "basically, there are floors. someone will live on the ground floor, and then their married son lives with his children on the floor above them, and then their successors above them and so on. so when family homes are targeted, they wipe out entire families. many families officially no longer exist."

"i used to wear my journalist helmet and vest all the time, felt naked without it, even slept with the vest on sometimes until i realised it only made me more of a target. they didn't give me any protection, only headaches and back pain."

"i am an optimistic person, i loved covering sweet sentimental things, like at my graduation asking parents of top graduates how they feel about their children graduating. that's what i love reporting on. i wanted to cover things like that when i came back to gaza, show the beautiful side of gaza that the media didn't really show, but i didn't have the chance." "do you think they'll give you right of return?" "i can only hope."

plestia mentioned how hard it was being a journalist with limited access to the internet, charging facilities, no mics, lack of equipment and how difficult it was uploading things. rahma asked her what's one story that wasn't really recorded or posted due to these constraints; plestia said "the evacuations. sometimes they informed us about them, sometimes they didn't. you have no idea how hard it was, everyone looking for their family members, making sure every one was there, taking to the streets in 5 minutes and not knowing which way to go. i remember i went to my friend's house for shelter for 30 minutes before the first evacuation was announced and we ran to another family's house, stayed there for 2 days before another evacuation was announced. me, my friend, and that family all evacuated together to another family's house. there were already so many people there seeking shelter, it wasn't just one family staying there. none of us knew how long we had in any place."

before october 7th, palestinians were used to limitations on electricity. plestia used to plan her day's tasks around when the electricity was working. "for example when the electricity was on from 12 to 4, i would say i will do my laundry and charge the phones during this time. life wasn't exactly 'normal', but all of us pray to have those days back in comparison to what we are experiencing now." plestia also said that cars are running on cooking oil now because there is no fuel.

on hygiene: "many pregnant women have to give birth without any pain medication or medical attention. once we ran out of medicine, that was it. women who had to get C-sections couldn't stay to recover or get followup treatments because someone else needed the bed. we have no water, no tissues, no pads, barely any bathrooms. in the shelter schools you have to wait an hour before even getting to use the bathroom because of how many people are there."

"something you don't hear about is how many people die because of sadness. there's so many ways to die in gaza, because of the bombardment, because of starvation, the lack of resources, but i also know many elderly people who died because their hearts couldn't take it anymore. i have been in gaza before and lived through 4 aggressions, but nothing compared to this one."

a recurring sentiment that was echoed in the video: "sometimes i thought to myself: who am i recording this for? because we've already shown everything, we've already talked about everything. everything has already been said, the proof is everywhere, nothing i talked about today is new." rahma said the first video posted about what's happening in palestine should've been enough.

she is 22 today. plestia's closing words: don't stop talking about us, don't stop boycotting, don't stop protesting, please don't get bored of fighting for palestine.

[ellieslob]

★ streamer ellie!

ways to help palestine!!!

S★ she started with fornite and minecraft gameplays but went viral for playing girly video games and screaming with pure rage and desperation if she loses or if her chat tells her the outfit she made was ugly asf😭

S★ she deadass will say “u guys clearly don’t know about fashion like i do” n then pull outfits like this:

S★ she used to be so fucking afraid that her face reveal went like dream’s that she posponed that shit for like a year. when she finally did it she ended the stream, turned off her phone and went to bed covering her body completely, while sniffing and crying “my career is over ”

S★ after her face revealed her account went even more viral, people started to make thirst traps of her and edits, videos, even fanfics, she got a little more comfortable with showing her face. her favorite edits were to songs like ride, baby by me, hey daddy (daddy’s home) and a song in spanish called vaquero, they were just so funny to her😭

iloveellie: she’s daddying so hard‼️

ewisinthechat: aw you guys really see me as a father figure?😺🫶

brondon444: 😭

kvcjjsaj: 😭

loverboydsa: 😭😭😭

“hey why is everyone crying in the chat, is everyone okay?”

S★ she really loves the cat emojis, specially this one 😻

S★ out of all her platforms (aside from twitch) she uses twitter the most, she tweets without a second thought in that head, without filter, like zero hesitation and then apologizes if she said something way too controversial.

ewisinthechat2: have you had that feeling when someone is so stupid you want to stab your eye with a fork? #kys

ewisinthechat2: k, i guess u have not😅…

S★ she was practically new to tiktok, so the first moths she had her likes public, she didn’t even know that was possible on the app. but if you click on it all you could see were shit post and memes that a dad would like, all except for a big section of aprox thirteen videos, one after the other, all with the same girl.

sckerforellie18: did u guys saw ellie’s likes? i think she’s stalking that poor girl😭

slaybabesew: HAHAH WAIT IS REAL, IS SHE HER GILFRIEND???

elliesaheymamasg: she’s so hot wait😩

heyemogirlbb: it’s her @girlypop66

S★ the chat started to tag you to every single one of her videos on tiktok, her photos on instagram, tagging you on things like “hi, could you please date my mom?🤗” or “my new mommie😻” EVEN in her questionable tweets telling you “we know she’s crazy but give her a chance😭”

S★ one day you waked up to your phone being practically broken from all the notifications, you still had your little pink iphone 6 and you had to buy another one because of it.

Instagram

girlypop: hi um i don’t think we really know each other but people are tagging me on your videos😭 love them though

S★ ellie was in a stream, the chat had to make her laugh and spit the water so she was reacting to videos that her chat had send her. when that notification appear on the screen, she read it, gulped the water, looked dead ass serious at the camera and turned off the stream.

elliewilliasm: omg hi, im so sorry i didn’t know, I’ll tell them to spot

elliewilliasm: spot*

elliewilliasm: STOP**😭

you laughed in your new phone, she was funny, and for what you had seen in all the posts that you were tagged on, very pretty too.

girlypop: hey would you like to grab coffee sometime?

ewisinthechat: TO EVERYBODY IN THE CHAT, THANK YOU, YOU GUYS ARE THE FUCKIN BEST, LOVE YALL, IM SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU, XOXO😻😻😻😻

GIVEAWAY COMIN FUCKIN SOON💯💯‼️

S★ she was exhausted when she jumped to her bed, after all the crying, screaming, jumping and the extreme tweeting that just said “YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES”, she unlocked her phone again.

elliewiliasm: yeah sure :)

REBLOG AND COMENT

IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THE TAG LIST

[devskindawritingblog]

Hand in Hand

cate dunalp x fem/gn reader Click to help Palestine 🇵🇸 🍉

summary: The first time that Cate touches you without her gloves on. Basically pure fluff.

AN: I’ve been wanting to write for Gen V or the boys so this is my first one!! My own idea, it’s not an original idea obviously I’m sure someone else has thought of it but it’s my own words.

word count rounded: 1.9k

Since her first day at God U Cate has tried desperately to fit in. After being locked away from the world for so many years, she was desperate for some time of human interaction beside her parents, not that her parents paid her much attention. She was conditioned into keeping on her gloves at all times. After her brother, Cate was sure that she didn’t even trust herself without them. So she rarely took them off around people she cared about.

After some time, she got used to the idea that the gloves were a part of her now. She had multiple pairs, and she even got a pair as a little Christmas gift. As thoughtful as it was, opening a gift and seeing those gloves was almost upsetting. She tried so hard to gain trust in her friends and peers, and still, she knew better than to try. For the first time in her life, she had friends and people who cared about her.

And then she met you…  

It was her second year in her superhero management class. You weren’t friends per se, but you were friendly. The first day of that class, you arrived late because your roommate had unplugged your alarm clock to charge their laptop. Funnily enough, they were the ones to wake you up by being way too loud. You sprung out of bed and threw on an outfit, barely having enough time to get yourself ready before you ran to class.

 You were only a few minutes late when you swung open the door and awkwardly closed it behind you as the class turned around to look at you. The teacher welcomed you back, ushering you to sit down. The only spot left was next to Cate. You walked over to her, placing your bag down under the table and taking your seat. She glances over at you, giving you a small smile. 

“Hey… You're Cate, right?” You say turning to look at her. She looks back with a look you can’t quite place. "Yeah, you're not new. I’ve seen you in my other classes." She states, quirking her brow. “Oh… yeah.. Sorry. It's my second year; I just don’t do well with starting conversations…. And it would be best if I didn’t call you the wrong name." You say, laughing awkwardly. Luckily, she laughs back, smiling a little as she brings her attention back to the prof.

It might have been short, but that interaction stuck with you for days. You knew her name; everyone knew her name. You just wanted to talk to her, and you weren't always the smoothest at flirting. But that new spot in your class next to the prettiest girl was enough to make you wake up early every other day. Soon your “friendly” awkward interactions in class became group projects together and movie nights in her dorm room. 

The two of you became "close,” almost best friends in a sense. You had countless sleepovers in her dorm. At the start, you were so nervous to sleep in that tiny bed next to her, so you slept on the floor with a few blankets and pillows. After a few uncomfortable nights, Cate invited you onto her bed. You were a little hesitant, but after you got into that small ass bed together and she watched you with those sparkling eyes, you loved it. 

 The small bed was scary at first, but after countless nights, you grew closer and closer. Not even closer as friends, but as the sleepovers became more frequent, you became closer literally. You used to be scared of touching her, even if you weren’t the one with mind control. You both slept on both edges of the bed, shoulder to shoulder. That was until Cate had a pretty shitty day and had invited you over. The both of you watched a movie on the couch together. You knew that there was no way she would touch you first, so you decided to rip off the bandage. 

"Hey, Hey…you okay?"  You ask softly, nudging her out of her trance. Her eyes snap over to you before she awkwardly adjusts herself, scooting further into the soft couch. “ y-yeah….” she says before you raise your eyebrow, reaching over to take her gloved hand in yours. “Okay…… I’m not. I just had a shitty day. Class was slow, and honestly, I really needed this." Cate sighs and smiles. You give her hand a little squeeze, and she is suddenly brought back to her hand. 

She looks down at your hands and back at your face. You had already turned back to the movie, so Cate laced her gloved fingers with yours as you lay your head on her shoulder. She stiffens a little but quickly relaxes as she wraps her arm around you as well. That soon transforms into tangled limbs and lingering touches. Those movie nights turned into make-out sessions after you asked Cate to be your girlfriend. 

You'd come over, and Cate would put on some Vought movie; somehow there was always a new movie to watch. Not that you were complaining; the two of you would only make it through the first 10 minutes before she scooted into your lap. She would always tighten her gloves, ensuring that she wouldn't slip up. You would always notice, but you never really commented on it. You knew it was a touchy subject for her, and you didn’t want to upset her. 

 The two of you have been dating for a few months, and you knew she was always so nervous about letting herself touch you. But after seeing the real Cate, your Cate, the Cate who loved movie nights and order in pizza and you, she knew she could just be herself and trust you; she just wasn’t sure she could trust herself yet. The idea that she would somehow take advantage of you or influence your feelings would cause her mind to race. She hated the possibility that she would hurt you and that you would break up with her and leave her alone. It haunted her nights, and tonight was one of them.

You had come over like usual for “movie night." It had become a weekly thing for you and Cate, almost like a date night type of thing. A night to wind down and forget about all of the assignments the two of you have. You were both lounging on the couch, wrapped up in a cozy blanket. Your fingers carded through her soft hair as you laid her head on your shoulder. You're both scrolling through all the movies you can watch before you hear three knocks at her door. Cate gasps, sitting up quickly off your shoulder, her eyes darting to the door and then back to you. 

“The food’s here!” Cate squeals, kissing you on the cheek before she bounds toward the door. Slowing down to a stop before she swings open the door. She pays the poor driver who had to find his way around the campus. She shuts the door behind her and makes her way back over to the couch as you clear the table. Cate places the warm paper bag on the table, taking out the food as you both ramble on about how hungry you are. 

Cate slips off her gloves and places them next to her on the couch. She took off her gloves sparingly, especially around other people. But she never liked getting her gloves dirty. The two of you ate together, discussing what movie the two of you should "watch." As the two of you finish eating, you clean up the bag and sit down next to Cate for the movie to start. She quickly reaches for her gloves, but you stop her. 

“Cate”. You say softly as you lean over, grabbing her arm, careful not to hurt her. “You don’t need to wear those around me." You say as Cate looks back at you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she blinks. “What? But… What if I can’t control it? I..I sent my brother away. What if I hurt you too?”. She says, turning back at you. 

“You won't. Cate, I trust you so much. You're my girlfriend, and I know you don’t like them. I mean, you always complain about your hands being sweaty." You say, sincerely laughing a bit at the end as she rolls her eyes. “I'm being serious though; I trust you more than anything, Cate....and if you want, you never have to wear your gloves around me." You say, making sure she knows that you are being serious.  

Cate sighs “I-I don’t know, babe. I really don’t want to lose you." She says as she looks between her gloves and you. “You won't; I believe it. I really do. But if it's too much, we can take it slow, you know. I'm not saying we have to hold hands skin to skin." You ramble on before she cuts you off. “I-I want to. I want to." She repeats herself more firmly as she sighs, clearly contemplating. “I want to. I want to hold your hand and feel your skin against mine." She says as she puts down her gloves.

 “You sure?” You ask, to make sure that Cate is 100% ready. “I’m sure”. She repeats it back. You smile and reach out your hand, and Cate scoots closer to you, hesitantly taking your hand. You intertwine your fingers with hers, and as you both relax, she starts to smile. “This is nice, and I'm not controlling you…right?" Cate says nervously giggling as you nod .She lets go of your hand, holding it in her other hand as she traces the lines on your palm. You smile back and lean forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

It almost opens a new part of Cate, a part that is vulnerable and not worried about hurting you. She smiles and reaches up both her hands to cup your face before she pulls you into a kiss. You kiss her back as she pushes a strand of hair away from your face. You sigh softly before leaning forward again to give her a kiss on the nose. She smiles back and shifts to sit in your lap. You push back on the couch, opening your arms as she settles onto your thighs. 

“Comfy?” You ask as she settles, and you give her a little pat on her thigh. “Yeah…it's perfect”. She sighs, grabbing your hand again and running her fingers along your palm. “Your skin is soft." Cate comments as she runs her fingers along your arm and then up to cup your jaw. “I put on lotion, I guess." You say, laughing a bit at the weird change of subject. She giggles back as she continues to run her fingers down your arm, tracing random swirls and shapes.

“Can we stay like this... all night?” She asks, tucking her head into your shoulder. “Sure, whatever you want, baby." You smile, turning your head to give her a kiss on the cheek. You grab her hand, and she intertwines her fingers with yours. The two of you relax as the movie continues to play in the background.

[ellieluvr420]

Eye for an Eye Pt.1

MASTERLIST (and information about Palestine) Please read!

SYNOPSIS: Your body yearned for the touch of your girlfriend, the warm embrace that calmed your mind but you couldn't give in, the anger you harboured for her at disappearing with her group for three months without any warning, explanation or even a mention of when she would be back stopped you in your tracks any time you got close to giving in. You loved Abby so much but looking at her made you sick, you couldn't push the feelings down no matter how much you craved for things to go back to what they once were. You hadn't planned this but the anguish in those green eyes mirrored yours and sucked you in before you could think twice about the repercussions of your actions. You made your bed when you made the deal with the auburn-haired stranger, eventually you'd have to lie in it.

Okay i know the vote isn’t over yet but there is a pretty overwhelming majority so here it is! i’m sorry if this is not what u wanted but i promise friends?never is gonna still be getting regular updates, that will be prioritised until it is complete i was just too excited to not put a little something out. love u all as always xxxxxxxx

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

In and out. In and out. Focus on your breathing, focus on it to quell the pit of rage burning deep inside you. That was all you had done for weeks and even at the resolution, when everything was as it should be, still the fire burned on. In and fucking out. Your breaths got deeper, shakier, more frequent again as the weight of her sleeping peacefully by your side consumed you, it had once consumed you with love and it still did, quietly in the background, but it was now overshadowed by the screaming torment of the rage you felt when you looked at her or even felt her presence. It had been like this ever since she got back. Weeks and weeks of refused touches, unanswered questions, shameful glances, you were stuck in this loop because she kept you in the dark. But humans adapt, better than most, so you adapted to the dark, learned to sneak around in it, hunt in it, live in it. You could never leave, neither could she, you were bound cosmically, and you cursed it every day. It was a paradox; how could you love someone so much you felt like your world would burn if they weren’t in it but hate them so much you never wanted to see them again? You couldn’t make sense of it, she’d come to understand your feelings but she was blissfully ignorant to how the swarm of indifference surged through your mind and clamped down on your heart.

You sighed and spared a glance at her sleeping form, the peaceful expression of her face only screaming at you to smother it with the pillow you had laid restlessly on. Weeks and weeks, every morning, you wake up, you stare at her sleeping face and you wish you could just make her sleep forever, it made you want to join her, to sleep and never wake. The anger had become so palpable you actually dreamed of killing her and then yourself just to break free from this never-ending cycle. You tip-toed around each other, you avoiding her like she was the plague because in your mind she was, and her treating you like an unexploded bomb that could go off at the slightest wrong movement. She knew it was her fault, she had made you this way but she had to believe you could both move past it without her shedding light on where she had disappeared off to those months ago. She knew what it would do to you both, leaving for three months without a word, just a quickly written note, no warning, no reassurance, just vanishing. She knew it was stupid to think she could come back without a word as to where she had went and everything would be the same but there was a tiny sliver of hope in her that it could happen. That hope was dashed away when a door was slammed in her face and not opened for her again for two weeks but when it did eventually open, that tiny sliver of hope came flooding back, a flame had ignited in her at the thought that everything would be okay but the flame was slowly dying the more weeks went by without a change in your demeanour. She could feel the hatred, the resentment, the hurt radiating off of you whenever you were near and there was nothing she could do to stop it anymore, you were stubborn, that she knew, but this, this was torture, karma getting its own back at her.

You couldn’t contain it anymore, the energy within you, staring at the wall and focusing on your breathing couldn’t help you now so you threw the covers off of you, rushing out of bed to storm out of the bedroom.

“Babe?” Her quiet, groggy voice sounded out from behind you and your body burned.

“What Abby?”

“Where are you going?”

“I dunno, be back soon.” You echoed the words in her letter and it stung, a physical pain ricocheting through her chest making it hard for her to breathe as she jumped out of bed to follow you.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” You paused and spun to face her, your dark circles were craters under your eyes, your face gaunt and paler than it typically was, your eyes completely vacant, devoid of any emotion.

“I mean I don’t know. Don’t try to find me.” She wasn’t sure if you were doing it on purpose but once again you echoed the contents of her letter as you yanked your boots from the ground, opening the door and slamming it behind you without even a glimpse over your shoulder at her defeated expression. She huffed and dragged her hands down her face as she reluctantly went back to her room, collapsing on the bed. It was times like these she was glad Isaac had moved her to a suite of her own, the thought of Manny witnessing this sending a shiver through her. She knew you could both get through this, she knew, so why was doubt invading her every cell?

You weren’t lying when you said you didn’t know where you were going, you couldn’t go back to your room, it only reminded you of the memories of those three months when she had disappeared and you had locked yourself away, refusing assignments, refusing most food, refusing contact with anyone that wasn’t her. It was too painful to be there, it made being in Abby’s room calming despite her looming presence but this morning it had overwhelmed you, so you kept walking and walking until you ended up at the mess hall. You didn’t remember taking the route there but you had and it was too late to turn back because eyes were on you, familiar eyes, beckoning you over to them.

“Hey stranger! Where you been hiding?” Manny, he had once been a positive presence in your life but he was the antithesis of that now, he had left with her, they had all left with her, leaving you here in the dark and they wanted to play nice now they’re back, you couldn’t. His smile juxtaposed your death glare as you scoffed and looked past him like he wasn’t even there. He could see the anguish in your face, evident in all your features that were nowhere near the radiance you typically emitted, he knew what had happened to you, who had happened to you, his part in it weighing on him heavily. You don’t acknowledge him, you walk straight past him like he’s a ghost, straight past him and all the others waiting expectantly for any sign of forgiveness, straight to the double doors at the other end of the hall, ramming through them like you’re made of steel. “Well fuck.” He mutters as they all watch you storm away out of their sight.

“Are you surprised?” Nora remarks.

“Well no but it’s been almost two months now. She hasn’t cracked one bit.” His eyes never leaving the doors you had exited through.

“She’s seeing Abby, has she said anything about how she’s been?” Mel chimed in with a concerned tone.

“Nada. Fucking nada. It’s radio silence from both of ‘em. I barely even see Abby unless we’re on assignments together because she’s always locked up in her room. I’m worried about ‘em both.” His voice was laced with sadness and there was a tense atmosphere clouding over them as there always was when what they had done was brought up, it was never directly spoken about, it felt like poison to speak it aloud but even a hint of it was enough to make them all shrink into themselves, becoming wrapped in their thoughts.

You trailed the halls of the stadium, circling round and round until your legs ached and your mouth was dry, you had seen people dotted here and there as you walked, smiling politely at any that you mistakenly made eye contact with. You walked past another faceless body as the deafening thoughts drummed around your mind. There was a muffled echo, distant but growing closer until you’re interrupted by a hand enclosing around your wrist, you knew who it belonged to without even having to look causing you to snatch your wrist free from their grasp as you jumped back with a scowl.

“What are you doing? I was worried.” You scoffed at her concerned expression as her eyebrows scrunched. You went to walk away but she was too quick, hands squeezing your hips and pushing you back against the wall you had jumped toward in a bid to escape her first grasp. “Stop fucking walking away from me. When is it gonna end?” You just stared back in disbelief, unmoving in her strong grip, her glassy eyes mocking you, she doesn’t care, her actions had been the opposite of someone who had cared.

“You’re so fucking full of it Abby. You’re worried? Bite me, you don’t worry about anyone other than you.” You spat at her, the shock of your words causing her to loosen her grip around you enough for you to break free and begin storming away from her again.

“I- I just wanna talk. Please.”

“You had your chance to talk. You had so many fucking chances and you wasted them so don’t give me that shit. You wanna feel better about what you did and my forgiveness is the only thing that will do that. Too fucking bad Abby.” You don’t slow as you grit over your shoulder to her but neither does she, following your every movement only a step behind.

“Well if you can’t forgive me why are you still with me? Why do you sleep at mine every night? Why do you still say you love me back when I tell you I love you? What’s the fucking point of it?” You freeze, a choked sob catching in your throat as you look up to the ceiling to beg the tears to just stay in your eyes.

“Because I do love you Abby.” You mutter barely loud enough for her to hear. “How don’t you understand that?” You sound broken, like a shell of yourself.

“Make me understand.” You scoff and chuckle dryly at her as you shake your head.

“I don’t owe you that.” You continue walking again but this time she doesn’t follow, stuck in her place.

“I have patrol! I won’t be back until later.” She calls out to you.

“Thanks for the heads up!” You call back sarcastically. “This time.” You mutter under your breath as you storm further and further from Abby.

You don’t know why you ended up back at Abby’s room, it was so stupid, you couldn’t stand seeing her but her room was the only place that felt safe, you stared at the key that she had once slammed down in front of you as you refused to acknowledge her pleads to just talk, the memory making your blood run cold. It was the first time you had even answered her repeated pounds against your door, two weeks after she had returned, though you opening the door made absolutely no difference because it was like she wasn’t there at all. You had unlatched the door, so it opened a sliver before immediately walking away from it leaving her to hesitantly follow you inside. She watched as you sunk down onto your bed, staring at the wall opposite instead of sparing a glance towards her as she stood over you. She had just stared down at you, pleading with you silently to just look at her but you never did. She slammed the spare key to her room down on your bedside table before sighing and leaving disappointed for what was only the first time to come over the next two weeks. It became a routine, she’d knock, you’d unlock the door and walk away, she’d come in to desperately get you to reason with her but when you showed no signs of a change in your demeanour, she’d give up and leave you alone, letting herself out shamefully. She was just too good at leaving you.

When you had turned up at her door, using the key she had given you, she was stunned, almost so stunned she didn’t see your tear-streaked cheeks and red, glassy eyes but she did notice, she noticed and a lump formed in her throat that she desperately tried to swallow down as she just watched you. Even in her own room you barely acknowledged her only choosing to mutter a small ‘can I stay here tonight?’, the second she vigorously nodded her head you drifted towards her bed, collapsing onto it and immediately burying your face into the pillow to muffle your sobs. She had rubbed your back but when she tried to cuddle into you and wrap you in her embrace you pushed her away hard enough that she didn’t try again. You had gone back to hers everyday since then and the routine hadn’t changed from that point on though you had grown from hurt and beaten down to hostile and the tense atmosphere was painfully tangible. It remained the same as you let yourself into her room, knowing she would eventually come back from patrol later that day and you’d have to face her once again

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Abby felt completely dejected, she was tired and her adrenaline that had powered her through today was fleeting, she was panicking about Owen after seeing Danny’s body and hearing what Nora had told her, everything was backwards and knowing you wouldn’t be there as a comfort to her only made her feel worse as she turned the key to unlock her room. She knew you were here but that made no difference these days, even when you were here you weren’t here and that broke her. 

“Hey.” Her voice was meek and cracked as she looked at you, standing in front of her with the same vacant expression you had worn for months, she couldn’t hold it in anymore, the dam broke and hot, salty tears began flowing down her cheeks as her choked sobs filled the quiet of the room. 

“What’s wrong?” You had moved closer, your eyebrows knitted together in concern as you spoke softly, juxtaposing your harsh tone she had gotten used to, it only made her cry more which drew you in closer until your hand was on her shoulder and squeezing. “Abby what happened?” 

“I- nothing, nothing. We just got ambushed on patrol, I think I’m just tired I don’t know.” You nodded but you were looking at her like you were expecting her to continue, you were coaxing the words out of her and she had no control. “Owen shot Danny and now he’s missing and I just don’t know what to do. Nothing’s the same anymore.” 

“No it isn’t.” Your voice wasn’t as soft as it had been, it wasn’t mean but it wasn’t soft, she warily peeked at your face and the sight of it hardened once again caused another choked sob to rack through her body. She stepped towards you and dropped down to her knees as she wrapped her large arms around your waist and squeezed as she pressed her cheek into your stomach. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have left the way I did and if I could take it back I would but I can’t keep doing this, I miss you and I miss us, I need you, everything’s different I need us to be the same. I’m sorry.” Your hand came to her hair, stroking gently. 

“Tell me where you went.” 

“I- I can’t.” She sobbed more as your hand snatched itself away from her hair before you reached behind you and desperately tried to unclasp her from your waist. “No please, please don’t go. Please I can’t do this without you.” 

“I don’t fucking understand Abby, why won’t you just tell me?” 

“You won’t be able to look at me the same.” 

“I can’t look at you the same now so what difference does it make?” Her eyes meet yours as she looks up at you from her place on the floor and the sight of her lip wobbling as her cheeks were red and tear-streaked almost made your resolve waiver but you couldn’t. You wished you could forget but you couldn’t. 

“Please.” She begged but it fell on deaf ears. 

“Let me go Abby.” She blew out a breath as her eyes clamped shut and she swallowed a sob, her arms loosened around you letting you break free from her grasp to practically run to the front door and leave. She didn’t watch you go from her position on the floor, she just sat and collapsed into a fit of sobs as her door slammed signalling your departure. You couldn’t keep it together once you had walked out of her room, everything felt like it was coming crashing down as you paced the halls. It wasn’t enough to leave Abby’s room, you still felt suffocated, you needed to get out of the stadium. You headed straight for the secret hole in the fence that only you and Abby knew about to make your escape and the second you emerged into the drizzly outside of Seattle you could feel your lungs filling with air that you desperately needed. You considered going back in but when you turned back, your lungs felt like they were constricting again and you ran in the complete opposite direction until your legs were tired and your lungs burned. You didn’t have a gun, or a knife, you were completely defenceless so when you heard the shrill cries of infected, you immediately looked for an entrance into any one of the buildings that surrounded you. 

You spotted a window open just one story up at an old theatre and you sprinted towards it and up the stairs of the fire escape to climb through. Once you were inside, you shut the window softly and began making your way through what you assumed was the backstage area of the theatre, the red, velvet curtains called you towards them and as you stepped through you gasped at the sight of an auburn-haired girl sleeping on one of the chairs. She looked a couple years younger than you, nineteen or twenty you assumed, and despite the sleep her face still looked screwed up and tense. You edged closer to her, careful not to make any noise and when you saw her gun on the seat next to her you grabbed it, pointing it at her while kicking at her shoe. She stirred slightly and then her eyes flashed open revealing bright green eyes staring back at you in disbelief.  

“Don’t scream. Who are you?”  

tags: @emiliabby @liasxeatt @kawaiibreadbouquet-blog @tphmnv

[torialefay]

https://youtube.com/shorts/T550Vy5XcPI?si=V0y9B6uaJ2kj91FE

Ok, grass platform, this "you like me more" and recently "I can't fix all your problems" AFTER all his teasing and roleplays on bubble is his character development, trying to fix what he created since his early twenties, results if therapy, OR next stage of his shit because i honestly already can't be aware where I'm delusional and where not

okay in the clip... this man getting cocky 😭😭😂😂😂 the "you like me more" is so moody anr bitchy i love it. he's fed up w everyone baiting him and throwing this shit on him 😂

this may seem out of pocket, and i may be wrong, but he does seem kind of worn down a bit. like he kinda seems like he's got a lot on his plate & is getting fed up w people saying things to him. he's just a person & he can only do so much. like i'm genuinely hoping that all of this isn't putting him in a bad mood.

but people are right when they say that he's online & knows what stays say about him. and i'd be fucking exhausted if i had to handle what he goes through. i think he might be too. people expect the fucking impossible from him when he's literally just a person who happens to have a very vulnerable job.

like genuinely just imagine. in the span of a week, you get all of this shit from people who are supposed to be your fans: (1) from the video, someone baiting you to say you love them more, knowing damn well that they stalk your entire life. (2) someone asking you to literally fix ticket sales and complain to you that they're frustrated and have to travel to see you and that you aren't giving them enough attention in their country. (3) people telling you off for not being asleep when you literally are up at the ass crack of dawn bc you have to wake up FOR THEM and to give THEM content. (4) people yelling at you & boycotting you for not talking about a topic as big as a war. as much as i support palestine, do people genuinely think that chris can talk about that? genuinely? "well other idols have done it so why can't he?" like baby, he got chan's room (which he had been doing for what? 4 years?) taken from him simply for saying that some people were disrespectful. by talking about the war, he would not only be the headline in the media for weeks, but he would also be violating his contract. they already took chan's room so what's next? probably taking away his insta, taking away his insta/tiktok lives, severely limiting his bubble posts, and even more. he'd have to issue a fucking apology statement just like last time- they could even put him on hiatus for all we know. i will never understand how people don't see that. "well he shouldn't compromise his morals." in an idealistic world, that's true, but this shit is his livelihood. i don't want to sound pessimistic, but in the end, the outcome of the war is 100% political. we can & should raise money for people who need it and do what we can to help, but we are at a point in the world that the governments control absolutely everything. do you genuinely think that what we do & say matters to them? the government always wins. it's like people are expecting chris' statement to suddenly overturn the government or smth.

and here's the thing: if he did talk about it & jype ended up taking away all of his shit, then stays are just gonna complain EVEN more, start more drama, start saying to boycot jype, sending trucks to make the kids' lives hell, and just generally put everyone in a bad light from the outside view.

meanwhile, chris is literally working his ass off every single day to the point that his body and mind are probably on the brink of exhaustion. like what more can someone give? i'd be so fucking fed up. and the fact that he hasn't exploded on anyone yet is honestly admirable.

i'm so sorry that this has spiraled into my random thoughts & opinions. i guess it just breaks my heart to see so much unwarranted responsibility on one person. like chris said, "i can't fix all your problems,"... with a little smile afterwards, trying to save face. there's no way that man isn't exhausted & that it isn't affecting him mentally. i hope he can find refuge in the little things like taking care of & decorating his new dorm, cooking with innie, and enjoying some rest when he actually gets the time. he deserves it

[itsbansheebitch]

You see, whenever I see someone (whether earnestly or in bad faith) ask, "Why do you not support Israel?" I have to think about this from an outside perspective. How do I explain that Hamas HAS done bad things, but that Palestine has a LEGAL right to defend themselves? That Israel is a group of colonizers and Jewish people world wide protest against them?

How do you tell someone that this has been going on since before Hamas existed? How do you tell someone that Palestinians keep the old keys to their houses in hope that they will return one day? How do you tell someone that Native Americans, South Africans, and Irish people are all saying, "Free Palestine"?

How do you tell someone that although there is nuance and it's a long running issue, how do you tell them that it's actually a really simple example of Colonization and Apartheid?

How do you tell someone that when every peaceful protestor is gunned down, you have to look for other options?

How do you tell someone that you feel like you're waking up from over a decade of brainwashing, and although you do not support the Israeli govt, you've been alive too long to think that govts represent their people?

How do you tell someone that you wish Israelis well, but believe that Palestinians should get their land back? How do you tell someone that they have a legal right to do so?

How do you tell someone that you think that Aaron Bushnell was one of the few people in this country's military to have a conscious? That we should encourage people who believe in the freedom of Palestinians to stay alive so that they can continue the fight for freedom? That being alive leaves you more time to learn and grow and fight for the cause? That Aaron wasn't a saint, but he was certainly better than the other people giving orders?

How do you tell someone that this isn't the first time someone has set themselves on fire for Palestine, but it was covered up? How do you tell someone that your country cares so little for human lives that they would cover up deaths, kill their citizens in cold blood, and practically encourage school shootings?

How do you tell someone that this should be EVERYONE'S wake up call? That a person who is educated on the subject knows damn well that this is genocide?

How do you tell someone that you grew up with lies and gaslighting shoved down your throat by the people you were supposed to trust?

How are you supposed to tell someone that? It's so much easier to just meme about The Horrors like your country encouraging genocide is just the monster of the week? Like, how are you supposed to tell someone that your leader is a serial killer and a genocidal maniac???

How do you tell someone this calmly? How can you just say it?

And what do you do when they say, "Oh, but what about Hamas, though?"

How are you supposed to look people in the eye after that?

[barzfrommarz]

I’ve been seeing a lot of discussions/discourse on tumblr and twitter surrounding kamala/voting for kamala so I want to put my two cents in as someone who will have no actual influence towards the outcome of the election

(important parts with be in bold)

Let’s look at the hypothetical that trump wins because the vote was split or people simply just refused to and kamala didn’t gain enough votes to win.

In the scenario, I want every person who decided it would be better not to vote or vote for a random third party candidate who has no shot at winning who only comes up during election years to say all of the “not like the other guys” talking points to explain to not just me but every queer, trans, disabled, non white, AFAB person who is now at severe risk why you chose to not vote to help them have rights. I want to see your explanations if trump wins. you also cannot use Palestinians suffering to make yourself seem better than you actually are

My point is that if trump wins because your delusions lead you to believe that you can single handedly change the way elections work in this country by “sticking it to the dems” and trump wins and we become a facist state, I want to hear what you have to say when we all start loosing rights and palestine gets wiped off the map

“Well we won’t let that happen” Good fucking luck. In project 2025 im pretty sure there is a section about how we basically won’t be able to protest anything anymore, not only that im also pretty sure trump has talked about deporting pro palestine protesters specifically!

You cannot be a single issue voter in this election and in many elections to come. Change doesn’t happen overnight and you need to wake up and realize that kamala will be the start of actually getting more progressive candidates and policies even if it’s not enough right now at this very moment. We all have to actually start putting in the effort instead of sitting around on our asses complaining

If we get kamala in, we won’t have to worry about our country becoming a facist state therefore we can worry more about palestine and putting more pressure on the dems than there already is. That should be a no brainer to some of you

This post isn’t praising kamala or trying to idolize her in anyway, always be critical of politicians. This post is more of a message to the preformative leftists on tumblr and twitter who have zero knowledge on how the US government works.

It’s kamala or trump this november. We cannot change that less than 100 days away from election day

Should I repeat myself? I hope you can understand that.

I’m not trying to bash anyone for continuing to put pressure on kamala and the dems for being complicit in bombing children. That’s not who my post is about like I already said

I think that all the protests outside of the DNC are especially important because it shows we have not forgotten and will continue to put pressure on the dems to do the right thing for once

but like I already said, it’s kamala or trump. Third party candidates are either grifters who only are there to get money and trick gullible leftists or candidates who have never been in any lower level political positions who think they can automatically garner a shit ton of support to win when they can’t. Your other option is to not vote which is arguably worse

I’m not trying to be the one to change anyones mind but I hope this post can help you reconsider your options and start facing the reality of this election

You have an important choice to make this november. I hope you can make the right one

edit: im not trying to beg anyone to vote for kamala or make anyone who is against her because of her handling of Palestine vote for kamala, especially if you are Palestinian yourself. Im not trying to make anyone feel bad about it either. Thats not the point of this post. The point is that change needs to happen now and this election is a perfect start to do so. We cannot have good change under a second trump term. I know im just repeating myself at this point but I want to put this out there incase I come off wrong or offensive. Also, I dont like the dems at all. I dont align with their party but you shouldnt even care abt what party I align with most. Im not a pro activist whose been in the game for 10+ years, im just a trans boy who has essentially been forced to pay attention to the shit going on in the country because of who I am even though it shouldn't concern me nearly as much as it does.

second edit: check out this tiktok and this persons other tiktoks abt palestine and kamala

[starlightshadowsworld]

Rafeef Ziadah said "we teach life sir. We Palestinians wake up every morning to teach the rest of the world life."

And she's absolutely right.

When has the world mostly ever been on the same page about anything?

And yes there's the outliers, of course their are. There always will be.

But they are the outliers, they aren't the majority.

The majority is against Israel, against their illegal settler colony trying to wipe out the people of Palestine.

You could step into practically any country and see a pro Palestine march going on.

People are criticing their governments, learning about their own history and that of others.

Boycotts only work if a vast majority commit to them, especially when those companies exist around the world.

The people are behind Palestine.

They are learning, they are spreading information more than it can be blocked or censored.

And even than finding ways past that and pressuring these systems to allow our voices to be heard.

Palestinians are going through unimaginable horrors and they still hold hope.

They have never given up.

They are kind to each other, they are holding and hugging each other.

Singing and laughing and smiling because that's their rebellion.

Free Palestine.

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

No ifs no buts no maybes.

It will be.

And people are listening, they are coming together across the world echoing this message.

Demanding the world to listen.

And we won't stop, we won't stop until Palestine is free.

I can't remember where the quote is from but someone said "We say free Palestine and yet is Palestine who is saving us."

Or something along those lines.

And they are right.

Palestinians are going through unimaginable horrors and yet every day they teach us what life is.

What hope is by seeing them stand when the whole worlds wants them to kneel.

And they won't kneel.

And neither will we.

We stand with Palestine.

From the river to the sea.

[saturngalore]

So I did see a very big blogger say that they’re too triggered and exhausted by police brutality and watching our peers die, that they choose to not care and don’t have to. I was blown away by that. Yes, god, I am so tired of the problems we face in our country from being black but to show no empathy for others really saddens me. I truly thought some of my peers here were better than that. Seeing your post though restored my faith and I thank you for saying what I couldn’t put into words. A simple reblog for thousands of eyes to see is so important I don’t see how they don’t get it.

hi anon! sorry it took me awhile to respond bc i really wanted take extra time and thought for this. im glad that my post showed you that everyone not think and feel the same about sharing/supporting for palestine even though we may have the same racial/ethnic background. it’s honestly really disheartening but still frustrating to see other black simmers or just really some black people irl to kinda have that same reaction to what’s going on. i completely understand the suffocating trauma and feeling of hopelessness that comes with being black especially in america. not everyone who is black has the same trauma and i cannot speak for everyone especially those who may had a family member, friend or someone they knew affected by police brutality and/or lynching. the response to police brutality was to protect our peace, to take a break, and to prevent us from breaking down to point of not being able to fight against systemic oppression either alive or not. and that was understandable because stress and constantly being in fear about dying a senseless and brutal death for only being black heavily impacts our health both mentally and physically. im not trying to invalid that pain or experiences at all. and i never will.

but it just doesn’t feel right to me personally to turn away and stay silent about a literal genocide occurring right before us that is endorsed by our current president and is funded by american taxpayer dollars. even though im african american and a list of other marginalized identities, i still have the vital and basic privilege of being able to live with a roof over my head, a warm bed and shower, access to food and water when i need it, access to electricity to listen to music and be on my computer/phone, and so much more than many palestinians don’t have the opportunity to have right now. my mental health is not the best some days but waking up to see what’s going on in palestine every day for the past couple days have yet to drain me (this is probably another privilege) because it’s also the small and big moments of seeing palestine children smiling, journalists i have seen ever since this started still alive and reporting, people protesting all over the world via blockades and physical/financial boycotts. my experience during peak blm may have drained me emotional but the experience also radicalized me and made my activism or just simply my outlook on life more focused on love, community, nourishment, and a hopeful life without colonialism and imperialism. if i was more passive in engaging with geopolitical issues and just shut out the world around then i would be missing out on a lot of good things in this life.

i feel like there could be better ways to say this and maybe im just rambling on but there must be a balance between sustaining yourself as a person amid constant turmoil, violence, pain and death versus becoming complicit and silent just like those who oppress want us to be. every single one of us will not win or be free if silence is the only thing people can do to “protect our peace”. at the end of day, we owe it to the palestinians (as well as the congolese, haitians, sudanese, and many others who only ask that we speak up and care more).

[apollos-olives]

The videos I've seen from Palestine are haunting. And the sheer ignorance of my country is soul crushing. I've been educating myself every day about the history of how this all began and the more I learn, the angrier I am. I haven't eaten in days because the rage and sickness I feel in the pit of my stomach won't let me. I physically can't swallow without choking. My hands are shaking and my eyes are sore. I feel like I'm going insane. I'm doing everything I can but it never feels like enough. It's on my mind 24/7. My family and friends are worried about me and tell me to stop looking into things but I don't know how to go on living normally in a world like this. I know it seems like I'm virtue signalling and asking for sympathy but I'm not. This is just the situation I'm in and I wanted to ask you, how do you go on living? What stops you from falling into a pit of insanity amid all of this?

i'm sorry you're suffering so badly. i hope you can achieve peace, a sense of clarity, and rest. may Allah end your suffering and bring you joy and eternial happiness in the akhirah, ameen.

to be completely honest with you i don't know how to keep living. i really don't. i've hardly eaten, i can't focus, i've been crying nonstop for weeks. waking up every morning to face another day in this world feels like torture, and nothing seems worthwhile anymore. and the only thing that is keeping me alive is the fact that if i kill myself, i'll go to hell. in a way i feel as though that is a mercy from God, but also a test. i believe that everything that is happening right now is a test from God, and the strongest people with the faith that things will be better in the end will achieve the most rewards in the afterlife. i don't know if you're religious, but i still hope you get rewarded immensely for your care.

i'm not a good muslim. i don't practice well enough, i don't learn as much as i should, and i'm not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to my religion. but it's the only thing keeping me going at this point. the promise that you simply being a good person is valuable enough to get you sent to eternal happiness is what helps me through the day. i feel as though i'm already in a pit of insanity, but the one thing keeping me grounded is knowing that one day i'll be free and i will see all of my people in jannah.

but i know religion isn't for everyone. and that's okay. i hope you can take comfort in seeing how the world is changing, because palestine will be free. things are turning, people are opening their eyes, and although many won't be able to live to see it, palestine will be free. we can feel it, we can see it, we can hear it. most of the world is on our side, and it's only a matter of time before palestine is freed and we can go home. and the fight won't stop there. we need to liberate everyone. we need to help all indiginous people everywhere. there is always going to be another struggle, and we MUST do our part to fight back against the oppressors. the world is never going to be perfect, but we must strive to make it that way as much as we can.

anon i'm sorry you're going through such a hardship right now. i hope you will find a moment of peace and eat or drink something soon. again, i don't know if you're religious but i find that clinging onto a sort of hope for the future, whether that be religion or anything else, is one of the many things that can help someone cope. i pray you find peace, and i pray that i'll see you in jannah, amongst millions of others who are standing up for palestine today.

i'm sorry if this was of no help. please find some time to take a sip of water, wash your face, and breathe. you'll be okay. the world will be okay, i promise.

[pixelfeetprincess]

diary 30

so i read back from the beginning and i realized i repeated myself a lot. it's just because i didn't know the things i had already said and wanted to give context.

it was my friend's birthday party tonight and it went amazing. though i left abruptly. there's something i wanted to talk about as it's been weighing on my chest and this is my place to say anything. i don't love my mom. I have been feeling this way for years, but I am finally verbalizing it more. At least trying to. I feel somewhat alone in this feeling, though I am sure I'm not the only one. My mom abused me ever since I was a child. She actively hated me and I was just a child, I loved her and I never understood why she treated me the way she did. But I always wanted her approval. Even if it mean hurting on my sisters (but that's the unforunate thing about having a narcissitic parent, to maintain control, they turn their own kids against each other)

My sisters and I have amazing relationships now, but yeah. I lost love for her a few years ago. I felt it happening over time, but when I realized I had no love for her left, I was surprised, but thought maybe it was extremely apathy or a self preservation thing, but I just truly don't love her. I am currently no contact with her, but I am cordial given she is my mom and i will still have to see her, like at my sister's baby shower coming up and her birth. I don't hate my mom, I just don't feel anything for her anymore. I still want the best for her. So yeah.

Also I started writing more on my book I didn't touch on it because I feel like no one wants to hear someone say they are writing a book. it's not that I have this grandious idea that it will blow up or anything. I will be happy if even 20 people read my book. But the motivation behind it is, it is a story I want to read. So hopefully in a few years when it's completed, it will resonate with at least one person.

I really love my life. I have been depressed lately given I have depression, also palestine, also financial issues. and I thought I was coming out of it, but I realized I'm not quite yet. And that's okay. I've been depressed for the last 2 months, but I do speak to a therapist weekly. But I am no stranger to depression and I actually have a spiritual relationship with it. that I am a conduit for other people's pain and maybe I am crying for those unable to shed a tear. it makes me feel closer to my ancestors too. I've been thinking lately about how being a Black American, even my last name is given to me because of Chattel slavery, but at that same time, it's my father's last name and my lineage so the enslaved people's enforcer's name is tied to my roots. It is sad, but the truth of my existence. A lot of Africans or Carribeans or even Black people in the UK, look down at Black Americans because we don't have access to or knowledge our ancestors, but if I could know, i would want to. I often feel that they are with me, guiding me through this life even if we are strangers. My soul is my birthright. And they went through unimaginable trauma in order for me to breath, to wake up every day, to love, and to laugh. I hope that my joy is in solace to them, even though they deserved so much more.

[barbiegirldream]

Well Sally I have very appreciated and thankful for spreading information and videos about the genocide. I used those as proof to wake up my dad because he wasn’t seeing any of it on the news which is crazy to me. He watches the news nearly everyday and I don’t, yet somehow I’m up to date and aware of the atrocities going on in Palestine, various places in the world experiencing the same thing, and even our own country.

He was blinded into thinking we live a good life here when in reality it’s only a matter of time where it gets completely stripped from us because everyday we are losing so much to group of evil people in the government. And just because we are experiencing dire hardships doesn’t mean there aren’t others who suffering. Like every time I go to LA the homeless keeps increasing and increasing.

Anyway I rambled a bit and just wanted to say my gratitude because everything you are spreading awareness about is getting to my dad and to my cousin who works in the office in the police force. Maybe big changes won’t happen immediately but more and more people are becoming aware. Plus most importantly, fighting back.

- Celestial anon

The mainstream news for years has been lying on Palestine. I remember showing my grandmother a video of the IDF beating people and she slapped me around her only take away being that I wanted to be Palestinian? Some people are evil to their core. Some people are so weak with their convictions about goodness they will cry about not being perceived as good instead of just being good.

But many are just ignorant. Many do not close their eyes on purpose but simply have nothing to look at. That is why in this case and with Congo who I hope this momentum can continue for all silent genocides right now. I pray for the destruction of Israel. I pray for the destruction of the US war machine. I think we all need to get a lot more radical a lot faster. Marching isn't helping when the power is concentrated away from the people. A violent restructuring is needed

I am glad your dad opened his eyes. Because actually the avg American voter is so important. They are the ones who spread word of mouth. They are the ones who can end in a town being swayed.

There is always an awakening moment for someone a point of radicalization. Maybe it is seeing a tent city inside of your own city while your government punishes these people suffering. Maybe it's a video of a war. Maybe it's a march. I know to share a personal story in 2002 the 'war on terror' my father was doing training exercises to go blow up families in the middle east when I was born. At this point a seasoned soldier since the late 80s well experienced in killing. The whole base stopped training for the day to celebrate my birth. That radicalized me so completely nothing will drag me back from hating war with every fiber of my being

And all these terrible arguments in my inbox strengthen my conviction. There is good and bad and only oppressors work in the 'grey' area

[nicejewishgirl]

fuck the last few months have been hell. I’ve had to worry about my survival and more so my mother as we both have had very serious hospitalizations but it just happened again in Thursday. Every day feels traumatizing. I’m in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. There’s been so much stress, chaos, and turmoil. My family dynamics have me on edge.

Now my parents and I all have covid bc our local hospital sucks at covid protocols. I didn’t even go inside but got it from my parents (who were masked most of the time even in her hospital room) a couple days later. I’ve never had covid so this was the cherry on top. It’s too much. Like no fucking more!!!

I don’t even want to write out the things that have happened because it makes it feel so much more real and it just upsets me to write out such fatal shit. I still plan to operate jewsforpalestine but I’m literally trying to make it day by day whether that’s due to my own illness or taking care of my mother as if I was a trauma nurse. I haven’t eaten in a couple of days because of the stress and because of how bad my flareup is / possibly from covid.

I haven’t even told you all about how I need full reconstruction on both feet and how the surgeon said my deformity was a 10/10 😍 and that he’s never seen feet so bad (on the x-ray) as all my bones are crunched up and in the wrong spot which is why I have several stress fractures in both feet. I am seeing a few other surgeons as this guy was awful but I also have yo see colorectal surgery to fix my colectomy…. which is fucking frightening.

I’m also trying to manage my severe iron deficiency anemia while constantly worrying if my mom was/is going to make it. Seriously, this last scare really had me panicked. I don’t even feel comfortable saying what it is because it’s her life but what happened was serious… being covid positive complicates her recovery even further. I barely leave her alone and constantly hovering over her. I’m so scared…. I rarely show it though.

There’s soooo much more that I still haven’t mentioned from these past few months but I just wanted to say that I’m still alive 👋… barely lol but I just need to vent. Covid just pushed me over the edge. I’m still free Palestine and still really want to create a collective of like minded folks but I have been in full on crisis, fight or flight mode and haven’t been able to do one thing other than trying to get by.

As I’m typing this, I’ve fallen asleep multiple times creating a variety of typos. I’m not having fun or even doom rolling, watching tiktok, or whatever, etc. I’m taking care of my mom, my dogs, the house, cooking, cleaning, making all of our appointments, dealing with insurance etc. and then fall asleep by 8pm because of my fatigue. My exhaustion (largely due to my anemia & still’s) prevents me from doing soooo much and the lack of oxygen to my brain has definitely effected my cognitive ability, concentration, and executive functioning.

I can’t wait for things to calm down so I can start this project along with answer some of my latest messages that require a detailed response! I also just want to be able to breathe and know that things will be ok. I just wish someone could wrap their arms around me and tell me that but I’m on my own in that regard… hence why my pathetic ass is posting here. 💗

[topazadine]

I wanted to put to paper (or text technically) some of my feelings about Palestine.

My thoughts are, of course, not really important in the grand scheme of things. I am a white American who has never been to Palestine and likely never will go. However, I am a human.

It is truly horrific to see so many people utterly destroyed through no fault of their own. Just because someone else wants the oil buried on their land. Just because someone has decided that they don't deserve to exist.

It's been incredibly hard to sleep lately. When I close my eyes, I think of all the atrocities I have seen during the day through the comfort of my laptop screen: children blown apart, men trying desperately to dig their loved ones from the rubble. Women holding their shrouded babies for one last time. Journalists breaking down on TV because they feel like the world has abandoned them - because it has. A man going mad with grief for losing his beloved mother, something that hit me horrendously hard because of my own unquenchable love for my mom.

Many people have said that they can't imagine what the Palestinians are going through, and I agree. My own emotional dictionary isn't anywhere near comprehensive enough to understand how they are feeling; I can fathom only shadows of the immense, constant tragedy they are facing. Insatiable hunger; endless thirst; the trudging trauma they don't have time to process because a new horror is bearing down on them only seconds later. Life narrowed down to simple survival, aware that there is no escape.

What I can understand, however - in my own shrunken, incomplete way - is the rage. Why wouldn't they be angry? Few people have had such a right to fury as the Palestinians. They are viciously dehumanized, treated as worthless on their homeland, told they have no right to the place that their father, and their father's father, and their father's father's father and many generations more, has lived in peace and plenty. Their crops burnt. Their homes bombed. Their families slaughtered in an instant with weapons that never should have been invented, much less used on a helpless, entrapped community.

The only thing that brings me comfort now, the only way I can't turn away, is that the world is waking up.

I don't speak of it much because I don't want to be seen as proselytizing, but I'm a Nichiren Buddhist. The Daishonen taught that in the Latter Day of the Law, when the word of Buddha has lost its power to propagate enlightenment, the people will begin to rise up as one and lead the world to a better age: a collective awakening.

No matter your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof, I think we can agree that we are experiencing a mass opening of the eyes. We are removing the iron veil that has made us believe that we are powerless and disconnected, that we are all separate communities with no obligation to one another - or that we must dominate anyone unlike ourselves.

That's not true. We are all connected. The longing for freedom is the most human of emotions: the desire for safety, for comfort, for respect. A Palestinian has a different worldview than me, a different language and upbringing, but deep down, we need and want the same things. We need food, water, clean air, sleep. We want to learn, to express ourselves, to find love and belonging.

For too long, we have believed ourselves separate communities and thus inoculated ourselves against feeling the struggles of others. That is being blasted open by watching others be destroyed in ways we cannot imagine. It should never have come to that, and the fact that we are only learning this through massive bloodshed is a failure on the part of every society. This collective awakening is coming at too high a cost: the loss of one life is too many. Palestinians should not be our zeitgeist; they are not lessons or allegories. They are living, breathing people going through monstrosities beyond comparison in the modern world.

But the only way we can fight for them is by recognizing that their freedom is our freedom. None of us are safe in a world that dehumanizes anyone. We are one people, one race. We are all connected by a billion threads that can never be cut, can never be untangled. Their destruction is ultimately the destruction of all of us.

Each person is a whole world unto themselves. We are watching thousands of universes being destroyed for no reason but maniacal greed and racism. And it is disgusting. And we all have an obligation to stop it by any means necessary.

Many people seem to believe that compassion and empathy make you weak, but they are wrong. Compassion is one of the strongest forces in the world. Empathy is an unbelievable treasure that must be protected and wielded as a shield against despair. The deep tears you cry for a stranger are the lubricant that turns the gears of history toward a better world. Your vicarious rage is your weapon which, when used correctly, can work miracles. Your prayers are not meaningless words but magic that bends the universe toward justice and peace.

Our solidarity is a beautiful terror tearing down the institutions that oppress us until they crumble to dust.

So we must cry. We must rage. We must continue screaming until our voices are heard. And we must bear witness to this. We must never look away until the last bomb is dismantled and we are all free.

Solidarity forever. From Cleveland to Palestine with love, every day.