#every day is torture
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cw upsetting vent in tags
#i tied a noose but im itrally too sleepy to kms also i want to write a note but that takes energy#i wanna die cuz i wanna make my parents suffer 4 what they did and also i need to stop the pain#i cant be misgendered again i cant take it i cant be expected to take it#i actually cant fucking handle it anymore#one more time and ill fucking gore myself#nothing has helped#helplines? didnt help#therapy? didnt help#googling what to do ?? didnt help#nothing will help#im destined to die#theres no getting better and if there is its too far away to reach#you have to be strong but im not#i cant survive it#its fucking torture#every day is torture#i cant get better..#tw vent#tw suicide#ahh venting on main again u probably want me dead lolz#i cant be helped i cannot be expected to be ok with all the transphobia#nothing anyone does can help
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#artists on tumblr#the horrors are neverending#by horrors i mean waking up early and going to work#even though i currently work from home#i remember alarms going off at 7am like it was yesterday#waking up early when it's pitch black outside and going out into the cold is torture#every day i dread the day i have a 7am alarm again#you never really escape it unless you're crazy rich#the horrors persist and always lurk behind the corner#can we make working from home the norm...
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if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing
#imagine you're a boy who's going to die. you're in love with the girl you've been watching from afar. you know your fate.#you just want to help her‚ but then there's the announcement and she's here in front of you‚ kissing you‚ risking her life for you and you#think‚ i could live and i could love. you think she loves you when she hands you the berries‚ when she puts them in her mouth.#then you both survive and you go back home and nothing is real anymore. you have nothing. no family. no friends. no love. just an empty#house. a drunk for a neighbor. the love of your life walking into somebody else's arms. you think‚ i survived the games. i could survive#this. and you also think‚ i should've bit down on those berries‚ should've felt the juice burst before i died.#and then the third quarter quell announcement rings in your ears and you think‚ she will live and i will die as i should have in the first#place. the girl you love kisses you on the beach and somewhere you heart stirs and your mind revolts and you savor every touch she has ever#given to you‚ in front of the cameras and off. because you are a tribute and you are always being watched and snow's presence looms and#you think‚ i know she cares. but you get taken. you get drugged. you get tortured‚ your mind altered. the girl is a mutt‚ a murderer. she's#everything you despise‚ your mind stirs. your heart revolts. you gain more awareness but cannot distinguish reality from fiction and you#have never known katniss' love. the war ends. you heal. you come home. you plant primrose for her. years down the line‚ you grow in love#more than you thought possible. but some days‚ you cannot tell fiction from reality so you ask the love of your life‚ you love me.#real or not real? and she says‚ real‚ and kisses you.#and you sigh and kiss her back and revel in this. a home. a life. a love.#lit#the hunger games#everlark#otp: real or not real?#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#text#tais toi lys#thgpost#*
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songtember day 1: Swans - Lunacy
#catgirl#swans#illustration#drawing#art#oc#yuno#songtember#hello yes. welcome to songtember#this is where i publicly torture myself by making an illustrative/artsy piece every day#based on songs of varying levels of importance to me#WITH YUNO!!! ONE MORE MONTH OF YUNO!!!!!!!! HOPE UR EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!
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codtwt is going off on brainwashed!soap bc of his new warzone skin and it’s making me think of ghost deliberately getting himself captured by makarov bc he knows he’ll be given to his dog to try and break him; knows he won’t be able to resist the irony, the cruelty of being tortured by the teammate he lost
he doesn’t fight; welcomes the chains around his wrists and ankles, welcomes the hands stripping him of his weapons and gear until he's defenceless
he wouldn't use them anyway
when he stalks into the room, the muzzle, the scars, not even the blank hatred or lack of recognition could make him mistake his eyes
that's his johnny
he doesn't flinch as he digs knives into his skin; would never shy away from his kiss even if it's tinged with rusted steel. doesn't swallow his screams; not when he always loved hearing him, when he spent so long coaxing his voice from the grave
frustration joins the anger in johnny's eyes the longer he goes without giving up information
just jokes; dark and puns alike
just advice when he can't get the jumper cables to spark right
ghost's not trying to escape; not trying to barter his return to the 141
he's right where he wants to be
#ghost letting him be tortured indefinitely if it means being with johnny i am going to eat glass#he doesnt even care if he never gets him back. if the brainwashing is permanent#he still treats him the same. gives him openings to meet a punchline or rib him for something#no matter how long he goes without responding. without giving him any hope of becoming the man he knew#if pain is all he’ll ever get from johnny again he’ll welcome it gratefully with open arms#he got his share of kindness. more than he ever thought he deserved. if pain has to balance it out then so be it#so long as johnny is the one giving it to him#meanwhile soap gets more and more frustrated that he cant break this soldier#that when he becomes more inventive he just meets him with a story about people he doest know but acts like he should#that every day when his master calls him away he leaves with a soft - /loving/ - see you tomorrow johnny echoing in his ears#he doesnt understand#and it just makes him more vicious#but the soldier doesnt care#he still smiles in the face of pain#still calls him johnny#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost x soap#save post
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people on instagram saying new years day isn't a nice romantic song and is actually full of red flags... I am going to start biting
#apparently this is why her and travis are endgame because so high school is her only truly happy love song........#i'm sorry but every time people point to an 'i'll love you when life is bad and i want us together through the hard times' lyric#as a red flag it just screams never been in a substantial relationship#the romance is in the fact that there WILL be days when you strike out and crawl home and there WILL be times when you're scared#because that is LIFE but you choose the person you want to SHARE the good and the bad with#there's nothing wrong with a cutesy flirty honeymoon stage song but i Will Not be convinced that's ever more romantic#it's ok to let a love song stay a love song! not everything needs to be retroactively made to fit this supposed 6 year torturous struggle#talking#taylor swift
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I finished Shadowheart’s quest pretty early into Act 3 this time around and so her parents have just been like, there the whole time.
And so it leaves me to imagining her like going about the rest of Act 3, coming back to camp every day and them being like “what did you do today?” and she’s just like “we raided an underwater prison and blew up a foundry” or “we went to hell”
#Shart coming home to her parents every day after committing acts of terrorism#and they’re just happy because she’s not committing terrorism for Shar anymore#and/or torturing them#babygirl broke out of her brainwashing but not her love of terrorism 😭#shadowheart#bg3#baldur's gate 3#emmeline hallowleaf#arnell hallowleaf
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the way i would die for leviathan: but specifically the version of leviathan that is an insecure dweeb who cums after a single touch and whimpers while trying to dominate you but hides the biggest dick in his sweatpants
#like if i was mc i’d be salivating over him every fucking day#cause this is just canon#big pretty eyes watching me while i f just torture that bastard#obey me smut#obey me shall we date#obey me leviathan#leviathan smut
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i was about to ask why the hell you're in class until 9pm before i remembered timezones XD for requests maybe some alttp link?
bunny 😁
#well played phrasing this ask this way because i HAD to answer it purely to remind everyone that#for EVERY OTHER DAY THIS WEEK my classes do in fact go until 10 PM IN MY LOCAL TIME ZONE.#art school is a form of torture. anyways#asks#skribbles#loz#alttp
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Breaking point
Based on this post, for @aroace-poly-show 's Hollow☆Wonderland AU
#hollow ☆ wonderland#dialogue from enstars#FUCKKKK YOUU MARLOO MAKING ME FEEL THINGS FOR A GUY INSIDE AN ALTRRNATIVE STORY /lh#GET HW U DONT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BR A STAR BLASTED#this is only your fault. should not have given me perfect comic dialogue#anyway. i dont know how this scene plays out actually. but i think about it every day. and i assume its smth like this from ehat i know#kerizart#prsk#prsk art#prsk au#tenma tsukasa#kamishiro rui#wxs#a bit scared abt tagging this since. tsks angst. its kind of a sore spot for this fandom. but eh whatever#i needed to torture this guy some more. sorry. fav character privilege. and ur au is not helping
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anyone else obsessed with the recurring theme in TTPD about how in each instance with the three notable muses referenced, they each made a show in their own way of stepping up to Be Someone for her, only to completely cut and run (whether physically or emotionally or both).
The first love who laid on the charm offensive, "I'm not an organ donor but I'd give you my heart if you needed it," sweeping her up in this great big first serious adult love, inspiring all of the dreams that go with it, making her feel like This Is It and the actions undertaken as a result. But then bailing at the first sign of inconvenience, leaving her distrusting of her own feelings and instincts.
The longtime partner with whom she built a foundation against all odds, the one with whom (or perhaps rather for whom) she meticulously placed those stars on the ceiling. The one who at one point painted dreamscapes on the wall and sparked her darkest nights, the one who chose her mess and said there was nothing that could stop them, the one she believed in so completely she crafted a whole life around, but then accused her of abandoning the ship when he had long since metaphorically and physically left the house on the Heath.
And then of course the final boss level, the infatuation from hell who saw all this and said "I can be the one that none of the others were" and insinuated himself into her life and her consciousness until it felt real, only to vanish after the ploy did its damage.
(Of course, it's all contrasted by a fourth party with whom the trust and dreams come freely and solidly.)
It's just a fascinating study in how patterns keep repeating themselves, not only in a person's choice of partners but in people's behaviours in general. And how so much of the album is not just about specific situations but also globally about the pitfalls of relationships and dynamics and how we choose to believe. TTPD album that you are.
#it's the 'you said i needed a brave man then proceeded to play him until i believed it too'#because it may be about one person -- whoever -- but the reality is that shades of it have happened every time#i was listening to the black dog the other day and like... whoever it's about#i was like 'you know that has shades of Jake because of the strong come ons'#'and even john because again that is prime gaslighting: saying you need someone mature who will Get You only to drop you#when that very thing is why things don't work out the way they want'#it's just like about the way in which men treat women in society even in the most 'evolved' contexts idk#it's some sociological shit don't mind me#the tortured poets department#writing letters addressed to the fire
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Ok just go with me here: murderchesters.
I’m talking a world without supernatural creatures, just Sam and Dean being raised in isolation by their alcoholic drifter father after their mom dies in a car accident. Just fully unhinged incestuous serial killer brotherhusbands driving across the country, walking into biker bars in small town America and making out just to get a rise out of people. They kidnap people and torture and kill them most of the time, but some nights they want a scuffle and a crowd.
If that doesn’t work, they start bar fights over nothing just cause it gets them both hot and gives Dean an excuse to pull out his gun. (It’s been his favorite for years, especially since Sam let him fuck him with it for his birthday a few years ago. Dean loves sliding the barrel in Sam’s mouth while he fucks him from behind, one hand wrapped around Sam’s throat, the other thrusting his gun slowly in and out of Sam’s mouth.)
Dean almost always starts it, and Sam takes a little while to join in. He likes to watch at first, because Dean gets this look on his face that is almost as intense as when he’s inside Sam biting his neck and calling him “mine” and Sam likes to lean back against the bar and take it all in. Dean though, he loves indiscriminately killing once a fight breaks out. It’s like he’s showing off for Sam, showing him how strong he is and how well he can protect Sam from any threat. He doesn’t always shoot them, he likes to mix it up sometimes. Loves how Sam will scoot forward until he’s literally on the edge of his seat, eyes wide with a mix of hunger and arousal.
People start running towards the exit after the first couple gunshots and that’s when Sam decides to join the fray. He’s clearly in a teasing mood tonight because he comes up behind Dean and grabs his crotch, rubbing slowly as he licks up his neck to his ear and says “so hot when you kill them, big brother” and Dean shudders against him, smirking. All Dean wants to do is bend Sam over the bar right now and stake his claim amidst the chaos and bodies, and he wraps his hand around Sam’s wrist, about to do just that, when he hears a scuffle to his left and Sam whispers “kill another one for me, Dean?” all baby brother sweet with the gentlest kiss behind his ear. Dean immediately raises his gun and fires off rounds into the two men walking towards them as he feels Sam smile into his neck.
#Murderchesters#Samdean#wincest#supernatural#weirdcest#i have a thing about them as murder husbands#And Dean loves dropping bodies because it’s a sign of his worth to sam#Every person he kills is proof he can protect him#They also kidnap individual people and torture and murder them don’t worry#But murderchesters with bar fights and public sex? All day every day do want#sam winchester#dean winchester#murder husbands#Gunplay tw#Murder tw
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i found the club she’s heard great things about, i left all i knew, you left me at the house by the heath (so long, london) // and your location, you forgot to turn it off, and so i watch as you walk into some bar called the black dog (the black dog)
#‘and my friends say it isn’t right to be scared every day of a love affair’ do you SEE what i see?#so long london#the black dog#the tortured poets department#ttpd#taylor swift#parallels#arshia takes#arshia talks
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his ass is NOT getting up for his 8am lecture
#skyward sword#loz#loz fanart#sksw link#sksw zelda#sksw fi#ill always come back to link ill never be free of him#i kinda wanted zelda to study history too because shes really into the history of skyloft/legends/etc in game#but maybe that can be a hobby maybe shes more into folktales and mythology than history#i also considered some type of math/stem for fi but idk history/linguistics fits her designed purpose of being a sortof messenger more#i think shes real good with numbers tho maybe she does math tutoring on the side#why are campus stairs always so fucking long theyre such a weird length you gotta fucking lunge every step#and doing that w a giant ass backpack and an artbag and a fucking can of gesso#in the summer. torture i think they were just trying to weed us out#you think art students have any core strength#thats why links so ripped he has to haul all that shit around all day#he definitely lives in a co ed dorm w zelda and they have the most fucked up evil (remlit) dorm cat#groose is there too i just dont have him pinned down sorry buddy#kiddokori
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the prophecy but I'm on my knees begging to be able to get my spark back
#every star burns out one day#i don't want that day to be today#is the sky godless? have i been abandoned?#taylor swift#the tortured poets department#ttpd#the prophecy#elaine blogs music#elaine blogs life 2024#elaine blogs#burnt out gifted kid
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no “both” option as that is for cowards. you will need to justify your answer with a short form essay
#I do think the environmental factors make the stories different enough to pit against one another#I’m an itsy bitsy spider defender myself#both are doing a torturous full body workout all day but sisyphus can just step out of the way when the boulder falls#he gets some reprieve walking back down#meanwhile every night itsy bitsy spider has to drown as well#you don’t see sisyphus getting washed out by the rain now do you.#sanders pollshit
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