#every day im like i wonder if i really do have adhd

[ellecdc]

hi mother i love ur writing !!! i was just wondering if you could write something with any ship that has james in it, where they're proud of reader bc she cleaned her room? i have really bad adhd and im cleaning it rn and im pretty proud of myself :) anyways its okay if not ! i love youuu !!!

thanks for your request, lovie (and congrats on cleaning your room!!!) here's a little baby blurb for you <3

marauders x roommate!reader who cleaned her room [500 words]

CW: platonic but could be read as something else, fem!reader, hints at non-platonic feelings but nothing outward

“One second, I’ll ask.” James says before he’s knocking on your bedroom door.

You had hardly raised your head to answer before he was pushing open the door door, his knock unanswered.

“Hey angel! Sirius and Remus are wondering if we want them to pick up- OH MY GOD!” He cut himself off, shouting as he looked around your room in…horror?

No, he was looking around your room in shock.

“What!?” You could hear Sirius shout from the other end of the line; a conversation that James had seemingly abandoned as he stared around your space. 

“What did you do?” James asked you breathlessly; finally moving his disbelieving stare from your belongings to yourself.

You suddenly felt horribly aware of yourself. You’d been cleaning all day; you had moved every piece of furniture and hoovered underneath and behind them, you had sorted out your closet and dresser, and you had finally organised the things that you had stashed under your bed to ‘deal with later’.

All this to say: you were sweaty, likely dirty, and you were sure your hair was in a right state.

“James what the hell is going on!? Is everything okay!?” Sirius’ muffled voice shouted from James’ phone. 

“James, you’re giving Sirius a fright.” You chided instead of drawing more attention to yourself.

James seemed to remember himself at that and brought the phone back up to his ear. “Sorry, sorry. What was that, Pads?”

Sirius’ response was quieter than before, but you could tell by the tone of his voice that he was still worked up.

“No, no. Sorry, everyone is fine. It’s just…bloody hell Pads, she cleaned her room!”

Another hot flash of embarrassment surged through you.

“It wasn’t that bad.” You mumbled as you folded your last shirt.

“Of course it wasn’t, angel. That’s not what I meant.” James offered; significantly softening at your worried expression. “I just know this had been on your list for a long while, and I also know how fucking hard this must have been.”

You hardly had a moment to wave him off before you heard Sirius shout “we want to see!” from the other end of the line.

Protests meeting deaf ears - because it apparently didn’t matter that they’d be home in a measly half hour - James was quickly turning the call into a facetime and pointing the camera around your room.

“Oh my god!” Sirius echoed James’ earlier sentiments. 

“It looks great, dovey!” Remus chimed in. “You must have been in there all day!”

“It looks amazing.” James agreed quickly, bending over to survey under your bed. “Think you can do mine next?”

“Prongs!” Remus was quick to admonish. “No, she’s done quite enough for the day I’d say.”

“Forget I asked anything Prongs; we are getting pizza and we are celebrating.” Sirius decided. 

“We don’t need to celebrate the fact that I cleaned my room, you sods.” You scolded.

“Oi.” Sirius called with faux severity. “Let us celebrate our sweet girl if we so please.”

“We should get a cake, too.” You heard him add as he and James ended the call.

“It looks really good, angel.” James repeated; no longer looking around your room in awe, but rather at you with a peculiarly soft expression. 

“Thank you Jamie.” 

James spent a moment longer smiling at you before he was turning to leave your room. “I’ll set up the living room for us. What movie do you want to watch? Don’t answer that; I already know!”

[ssparksflyy]

Hiii I hope you are having a great day!! I was wondering if you could make another percy jackson x daughter of Hecate reader? If you don’t/ can’t do it that’s fine I just though i would ask.

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

percy jackson dating hcs ! *ੈ✩‧₊˚

pairing: percy jackson x latina!daughter of hecate!reader warning(s): swearin an: dw i got ur 2nd request that u wanted reader to be latina :)) i just added in some little things that tie in ♡♡ srry if these are short btw </3

in the dead of night, your eyes so greennnnnnnn

you and percy tend to stay up later than most of camp

your always up and out after curfew

you js function better at night okay

me asf

the day is reserved for lake dates and the night is reserved for sky watching dates ♡♡

youre literally attached by the hip if you couldnt tell

as they say in waitress, i love you means your never ever getting rid of me ♡

you usually watch from the roof of cabin 3, just cuddled up and sharing a blanket

but once percy suggested you watch from the docks

and you were like oh!

not actually but you looked really hesitant

he was like whats wrong??

so you told him about la llorona !! #coquette

it was so preppy

but now youre both scared to go to the lake at night

even though yk shes not real

and youve literally been through tartarus

and back

and you face unimaginable horrors every day

and percy's literally the son of the sea god

mexican folklore is scary ok yall

idc if it didnt scare you as a kid / you like horror

I DONT

IM TRAUMATIZED

MY GRANDMA PUT ON LA LEYENDA DE LA LLORONA WHEN I WAS FIVE AND I HAVENT KNOWN A DAY OF PEACE SINCE

sorry for trauma dumping yall

kinda silly how some story about a lady who drowned her kids is enough to make 2 of camp half blood's strongest soldiers shake in their boots

so u stick to rooftops ♡

you and hazel are bestiessss

shes a honorary member of cabin 20 of course

you exchange tips and tricks, hazel telling you about the things she saw hecate do and the things she said to her

and you tell her about the things youve picked up over the years :))

percy cant help but smile whenever he sees you two together

he sees hazel as a sister

(yall remember in son when he was ready to fight somebody for her or something like that i dont remember exactly what he said but i do know he was ready to fight)

and ur his fav girl ever ♡

his heart just feels warmed

same way he feels when he sees you playing with estelle

you show her a bit of ur powers and she flips outtttt

she asks sally to be a witch for halloween because "i want to be just like (y/n)!!!"

dont know about yall but if i went home and my family found out i was involved with ~brujeria~ i would not be accepted at home (please read as if youre white and cant say shit in spanish)

thats just the mad religious side talking dont worry yall

but sally and paul would literally let you in with open arms

the jackson's apartment is your second home

percy has a drawer reserved for your clothes in his room ♡♡

he loves it when you sleepover, at home or at camp

he absolutely adores kissing your hands

he doesnt care about the dangers you can produce from them, he'll kiss em allllll he wants

you could be cuddled up together, ur reading to him and he just grabs one of your hands and begins to leave a trail of kisses up your arm, shoulder, neck, cheek, and eventually leaving one on your temple

it just gets you like 😵‍💫

he loves his badass girlfriend, okay?

literally your #1 fan

would beat up anybody who talks shit !!!

tea is your holy ground ♡

because you cant drink coffee

cause ya know, adhd, youll just end up knocking out

though you do drink it when you cant fall asleep at night

its me, hi

and hot chocolate is strickly an only-in-december drink, because then it wont hit in december, since you had it earlier in the year

(my mom does that with gorditas and tamales broooo its painful)

so ya drink tea!

i dont drink tea, so im not even gonna try to tell you what his favorite is

he likes whatever you like

but you try a bunch of different teas and stuff together :)

youd probably adopt a black cat together when youre older

youre never gonna beat your neighbor's witch allegations

(probably because theyre true but youll obviously never say that)

i feel like percy would be more of a dog person but lets be real, he likes horses.

fuckin horse girl smh

but that does not mean he wouldnt love and care for the cat

he'd so let you stop to pet any stray cat you see on the street

takes pictures of the cat anytime you do ♡

you cook together !!

you teach percy a bunch of different recipes and stuff :)

has a 'kiss the cook' apron 100%

and what can ya say, you gotta kiss the cook

man you guys manage to stay silly throughout the horrors, we love

[firsttimewriter92]

Heyo! I’ve requested this to a couple different writers just to see the way it differs and so far Im still waiting for them to respond, which is fine, but I was hoping I could at least request it to you as well :)

I have ADHD and other mental conditions and stuff and was wondering, if it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, that you could do the 141 + Konig where the reader (female) had ADHD and was super energetic and talkative the entire day and the boys were just stressed out from the long day or a bad mission and had said something hurtful to the reader, which caused them to either try and suppress their ADHD ticks or just talk less and become less energetic and social.

I’m a sucker for angst cuz I’m sad and lonely lol 🥹. If you could please do this or at least think about it that would be amazing, thanks 🫶🫶

Hello, my love. I LOVED your ask and gave it a shot. I hope you´ll forgive me that I only came up with something for Ghost, Price and König so far. Maybe I´ll do another part with Gaz and Soap.

As I don´t have ADHD or know anyone who does, I really hope I catured what it´s like as best as possible. Please let me know if there´s something wrong. Please enjoy and don´t feel lonely! There´s a whole community for CoD out there who welcome you with open arms! <3

Warnings: angst, panic, yelling, cursing, fluff, hurt/comfort

Words: 3.001

Ghost

You were just putting away the dishes from your dinner when you heard the front door open. Your heart lurched into your throat knowing who just came home. You bolted around the corner and there he was. The hulking figure of your boyfriend Simon. His frame took over most of the space of the short hallway as he moved to take off his jacket. You knew he needed a little time to adjust before he would be able to give you attention so you waited, though still hopping from one excited foot to the other quickly. Grinning wildly and lightly giggling.   

You heard a long sigh coming from Simon and your heart sank a little. It must have been a draining mission. He lifted his head and his dark eyes looked at you wearily. You stopped hopping immediately and a cold, cold shiver ran over your back. You saw the haunted look in your boyfriends eyes and you didn’t know how to help him best right now. Then, to really spike your panic, you saw Simon shake his head and move backwards to the door. “I can´t deal with this tonight” was all he murmured before he turned and left your shared apartment, leaving you standing there with the most horrible feeling in your stomach.

Simon was at a loss. He was sitting in a quiet corner of his favourite Pub, sulking into his pint. The last mission almost cost him every single one of his team members. Johnny was still in hospital. He just couldn’t deal with bubbly, happy or hyper right now. At least that´s what he thought. His fist clenched around the glass when he tried to suppress his self-loathing. Wasn’t your talkative person and happy nature exactly what had enticed him in the first place? What was he doing? Instead of listening to you ramble about your day, about the newest plant you got or how much you enjoyed cooking this new dish, effectively draining all the bad thoughts from his mind, he was sitting alone in a Pub, still thinking about the horrors of the last couple of weeks.

He knew all you´d wanted to do a couple of hours ago was envelop him into your arms and making him feel home. A huge gash opened in his chest. Growling at himself he stood and left the Pub. He had to see you right now.

In your apartment you sat on the couch, trying to read one of your favourite books and not feel rejected by the one you loved. You really tried to understand why he left. Why he left you with these words hanging in the air. Where you really too much? You were just excited. Was that too much as well? You felt your eyes sting. The front door opened and your heart plummeted into your stomach.

He needed space, so you stayed seated and decided you wouldn’t bother him with your presence until he really wanted it. At the door, Simon waited for your hurried footsteps, craving your hug more than anything. But nothing came. No footsteps, no happy squeal, nothing. He knew he´d fucked up big time then.

As he walked into the living room and saw you sitting on the couch, his heart squeezed painfully when you wouldn’t look at him. He heard you sniffle and immediately went over to you. “I´m sorry, dove. I´m so, so sorry” he whispered when he sat down and immediately pulled your whimpering form onto his lap. You held onto his shirt and marvelled in his scent and warm, firm chest. Simon buried his head into your hair and still continued to apologise. “I stepped over the line when I said what I said, my love. I can deal with it! I need your bubbly self, especially now. I´m so sorry.” His big arms caged you in and slowly you came down. Warmth and love melted into your veins again as you spoke.

��If you need more space from me when you come back, just let me know before you come home. So I´m not a bother.” You heard a desperate sound crawling up his throat when he repositioned you to look into your eyes. His big hands were framing your face when he said in a choked up voice “No. No, don’t ever hide who you are from me. I´m the one who needs to work on this. You did nothing wrong.” He sighed. “I thought I couldn’t deal with it but the truth is, it made everything much worse. I need your adorable rambling when I come back so I don’t have to think about what happened. It just took me a while to realise and I´m incredibly sorry. I´ll do better, I promise. I love you.” You shook your head and lovingly stroked his face. “Just let me know exactly what you need and I´ll adjust. Just don’t push me away like that. I love you just as much.” He kissed your fingertips, your nose, your forehead and finally your lips. “Never again, love. I promise.” You smiled against his lips and kissed them again.

Cuddling on the couch for several minutes he could feel the words stuck on your tongue just dying to come out. “What is it?” he asked with a grin. You grinned back just as wide. “I bought a new plant” you said with a giggle. Simon sighed happily and nodded his head. “Of course you did” he said lovingly. “Go on then, show me.”

Price

John had been home for about three days now and was still on edge. He really tried not to let it show or not make you worried about him. He still had a lot of paperwork to fill out and visits to the base. You wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible so you decided to really scrub down the flat.

You were really proud of yourself when you finally came to the last room, John´s office. It smelled of leather, John and faint cigar smoke. Smiling fondly you looked at the clean and organised desk. John´s things always had a designated place to be, at least on his desk. Smiling giddily you took a picture frame into your hands. It showed John and you at one of Gaz´s barbeques. John had a beer bottle in hand, red cheeks and smiling so wide, his eyes were completely closed. The picture was made just as you´d jumped onto his back clumsily, almost making him fall. You were perched on his back, your arms thrown around his shoulders. John was leaning forward slightly but already had one hand securely and possessively on your thigh, holding you to him. At this very moment you felt so incredibly lucky to have met him.

John came back later that evening, just as you started preparing dinner. He looked exhausted and a little annoyed as he entered the kitchen and living space, smiling at you shortly and kissing your forehead. You hummed sweetly. “I cleaned the whole apartment today” you said grinning. John raised an eyebrow and looked around. His lips twitched. “You did good, love. Everything´s so orderly.” You knew how much he loved it when the lovely chaos you preferred living in was a little more controlled. You giggled and kissed his cheek. “Get washed up, dinner will be ready soon.” He gave you a grateful smile and nodded, leaving the kitchen.

Several minutes later you heard heavy footsteps stomping down the hallway. Curious you looked at the door just as John walked in. His shoulders were tense and his blue eyes blitzed dangerously and annoyed. “Did you clean my office as well?” he asked quickly, crossing his arms over his chest. You blinked. “Yes, why?” you asked. He shook his head and huffed. “Then I´m sure you can tell me where the bloody hell my work phone is!” You took a short step back when you heard him raise his voice that way. Slight panic settled into your chest. “Uhm” you said and tried to think if you saw his phone. “I´m not sure if…” “You´re not sure? Ok. I´m sure,___. It was on my desk when I left. You know how important that thing is? Where did you put it?” Your head was reeling when you really tried to think if you removed the phone from his desk. “I-I don’t remember” you said breathlessly. John groaned.

“You know, what good is it that you finally clean up your clutter if you remove the things that I actually need?”

Immediately after he closed his mouth he saw you fall into yourself. Your shoulders sagged, your whole face showed panic and bewilderment. Worst of all however was the moment he saw all the light vanish from your eyes. He knew instantly he made a huge mistake. Yes, he was annoyed, but it wasn’t like the phone was gone forever. The both of you just had to find it. When you turned around he knew you didn’t want him to see you like that. He felt terrible. You´d put up with his demeanour for the last couple of days and the first inconvenience made him explode like that. He heard you sniffle.

“___” he said in a small voice, walking over to you. “___, love, I´m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me to say. It´s just a phone. We´ll find it.” He saw you nod but you didn’t turn around. “Baby” he tried again. This time you did turn around and his heart almost gave out. Your eyes were brimming with tears but they looked at him with no emotion at all. Your mouth was a straight line and your jaw was set. “You know I have trouble remembering things. You know that keeping up with one task at the time is basically impossible for me.” He nodded and hung his head. “I know” he said slowly. You huffed. “I´m sorry. I´ll find your phone as soon as dinner is ready.”

John shook his head, walked over and turned off the stove. You looked at him curiously. He grabbed your hand and led you over to the sofa. He urged you to sit down and the moment you did, he knelt on the floor in front of you and touched his forehead to your knees. He breathed you in for several moments before lifting his head. “I really should learn how to prioritise things better. I know how to keep everything orderly and all that but…now it´s not only me and my job. Now it´s also you and me. I sometimes forget about that, my love and I am sorry.”

You looked down at him and felt your anger, embarrassment and shame slowly fade. You nodded weakly. “My sweet girl” he whispered and held you face in his palms. “I really appreciate that you did this. That you put up with me as well. I know I haven’t been very communicative with you.” You lightly shrugged and he shook his head. “You can´t just let me get away with these things, my love. Please. I know it´s hard for you, but you can hold me accountable for what I´m doing or saying.”

“Okey” you said and breathed in deep. “You´re right. What you said was absolutely uncalled for. It hurt and embarrassed me. I´m not proud of the way I let things go sometimes. It takes an immense amount of effort to even come to the point of wanting to organise and clean stuff.” John stroked his thumbs lovingly over your cheeks. “And I´m sorry about your phone, John. I promise, I´ll help you find it.” He sighed deeply and pulled your head towards him. Hesitating for a moment to see your reaction, you smiled at him and leaned down more to kiss him. A relieved breath escaped his nose when he kissed you back right away. You detached from him again and with pure joy he saw the light back in your eyes.

“Let´s have dinner and then we´ll look for your phone, yeah?” you asked. He nodded immediately and helped you stand again. He pulled you close by the waist and peppered your face with little kisses until you giggled and tried to wriggle out of his hold.

“Can I help?” he asked. You nodded and gestured towards the fridge. “Could you please get the meatballs out?” John nodded and opened the fridge. Stunned, he stood in front of it for a bit too long. You looked over to him questioningly. “John? What is it? The meatballs are right there.”

He nodded slowly and then his shoulders started to shake with laughter. “What?” you asked perplexed.

John, still giggling, closed the fridge with the platter of meatballs in one hand and his work phone in the other. Your eyes went round and a blush crept up your neck and up to your cheeks. “Oh, Jesus…”

Both of you started laughing again and John went over to you and held you in his strong arms until you both stopped, short of breath. He leaned his head against yours and very softly said “I love you so much.”

König

Laughing hysterically at one of Soap´s jokes you clutched König´s arm next to you and buried your head in his shoulder. The latest mission was over and the 141 decided to wind down at one of the local pubs. König had asked you to join them and shortly after you walked into the pub and jumped into your lovers arms without hesitation. He lifted you up and swung you from side to side before holding your face gently and kissing you long and hard. The whoops and hollers from Gaz and Johnny were ignored by the two of you. You were just happy to be with each other again.

Your happiness bubbled through every pore in your body, the alcohol in your system making you relaxed and buzzing. You´d bantered with Soap the whole evening. The music and over all volume of the pub forced you to raise your voice once in a while. No one seemed to care though.

With a light kiss to König´s cheek you excused yourself to the bathroom and stumbled over to the little door. König watched your with fond eyes, his heart swelling by the minute. Soaps elbow connecting with his ribs and he gave him a sly wink. “So, when´re you goin´ to ask the lass ta marry your arse?” he asked. König´s face lit up immediately. He grinned shily. “I do have the ring already but…I´m really not sure when I should ask.” Johnny nodded. “Best not wait too long my friend” he said wisely. “Yer not the only one noticin´ her. She surely knows how to present herself.” He winked at König.

König´s eyes had a soft look in them. “Yeah, I know.” He said and sighed deeply. “She´s a LOT!”

Just as he said it, he felt your presence next to him and smiled up at you. Said smile vanished immediately when he saw the hurt on your face. He was a bit bewildered as to why you looked at him like her whole world just collapsed. Without saying anything you turned around and stormed towards the doors. “___!” he yelled and scrambled from his seat in the booth going after you.

Outside he looked left and right quickly and spotted you walking briskly away from the venue to his right. He started running and thanks to his long legs it didn’t take him much time to catch up with you. The moment he reached out for your arm and you whipped around shaking it off, his heart broke into a million pieces. Tears were streaming down your face and deep, deep hurt was still edged onto your features. “Liebling, what-?” “I´m a lot, huh? König, do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? You making fun of me in front of our friends?” You hiccupped and wiped your face with your sleeve.

König´s heart began to hammer in his chest. “Making fun of you? I didn´t. How could I make fun of you?” He started hyperventilating a little when you flinched away from his touch yet again. “What´d I do?” he asked in a panicked voice.  You huffed disbelievingly. “You said I was a lot to handle, König. That´s so…rude. You know I can´t control how loud I am sometimes.” König´s eyes went wide.

“A lot to handle….” He whispered desperately. “No. No, Liebling, that´s not what I meant at all!” You gave him a questioning look. “I´d never say something like that about you.”

“Then what did you mean? König, saying someone is a lot, is quite-“

“A lot of perfect!! You´re…you´re perfect” he almost yelled at you, desperate to bring his point across. “I sometimes don’t really know the words to express what I´m trying to say but, mein Schatz….I´d never willingly hurt you or try to put you down like that.”

A feeling of shame overcame you. Here was this wonderful, soft man just trying to get through the day as best he can. You should´ve considered that English wasn’t his first language.

“König” you said breathily and reached out your hand which he immediately took. “I´m sorry. I should´ve talked to you first but…you know, being a bother or too much….it´s just one of the things that make me very insecure.” König lifted your hand to his lips immediately and you could have cried again by the way he so gently kissed your knuckles.

“You´re not too loud, or too talkative, or too forward. You´re too much…you! Sometimes I don´t know how to tell people that I would literally kill for you. That I would do anything to make you happy!”

Your arms wined themselves around his neck as you pulled him down for a passionate kiss. “I love you, König” you said against his mouth. “I´m sorry I stormed out like that.” He shook his head and brushed his nose with yours. “I love you too, my love. So much.” You grinned and hugged him again, having to stand on your tiptoes to do so. He pressed another kiss to your forehead. “Will you come back inside? The evening is still young” he asked. You nodded immediately and took his large hand in yours.

König��s heart raced and he knew exactly what to do to erase every single doubt from your mind. As he guided you back to the pub, his other hand that wasn´t holding yours gently thumbed at the locket around his neck, containing the ring he wanted to give you since day one.

_________________________________________

Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know in the comments what you think about this take. A like and reblog is of course always appreciated <3

Love you and stay safe!

[scretladyspider]

please don’t scroll; I really need your help to reach my gofundme goal of $3500 and not become homeless.

Im Elle, a queer, ace, disabled person with ADHD, depression, and two cats. In November, I lost my job without warning. I have no savings as the job already had me living to the last dollar of every paycheck. I was denied unemployment and food stamps. I cannot work away from home, a physical job, or something with strict hours due to some yet-to-be-diagnosed illness.

this is my story — what’s going on & how I got here. (Smaller text used because it’s a lot of information/a long post.)

In early 2018, I was doing regular walk/runs. In 2019, I stopped being able to run, so I went on walks. Running took hours, then days, to recover from. My body couldn’t produce energy to do it consistently, so, walks. In 2020, I kept going on walks and tried to do aerobics. I was not able to keep doing aerobics. My body took hours upon hours to recover, where before it hadn’t, I was alone for almost all of 2020, and never developed COVID symptoms; it was what happened with running all over again. In 2021, it started to take more time to recover from walks. Then I started to need to take a nap immediately after I clocked out from work— and it was a work from home job. In 2022, I began to go from my sitting desk job straight to my bed most days, laying down exhausted right after work, even sleeping through lunch to get some rest.

On New Year's Eve 2023, I spent 30 minutes cleaning, including vacuuming my living room. I had to rest the rest of the day.

In the last five years, I've gone from running to being exhausted for hours by taking my garbage to the curb.

Imagine you were someone who enjoyed recreational exercise. Now imagine doing 1/100th of that and feeling sick for days. Thats me.

There are other symptoms also. More vulnerability to infection and more trouble fighting infection. Shooting, sharp muscle pains in large muscles such as the thigh or forearm, like a pinched nerve, that come and go at random. Pulse rate that skyrockets upon standing, to go back to normal soon after. Stomach inflammation. Inflammation without major swelling. Headaches. Complete inability to tolerate heat, leading to excruciating migraines that only go away with things like cold showers, electrolytes, and hours of rest in the dark with ice. Muscles that literally don't feel like they're getting oxygen. Random rashes. Face flushing. Being much more easily out of breath, yawning over and over, like I can't get air correctly. Weight gain, no matter what I eat or don't eat.

And just being so, so tired.

In summer of 2018, something… stopped working in my body. I felt sick all the time. I had a low, unexplainable fever nearly every day. Shooting nerve pain would wake me up at night. The doctor said I had a cold. But months went by and I didn’t get better. When my blood work and thyroid hormone level was normal, I was referred to a rheumatologist.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after he made me wait 45 minutes, came in and asked “are you tired?", poked me hard, said I was tender, and left without running tests. This sort of “uhm the standard blood work came back normal, have you tried exercising more? I know you’re here because your body can’t recover from it but have you tried more of that? Also going to sleep at night?” has been the response over and over and over for five years. It got to the point where I even started to wonder if I was somehow making it up. I see a psych nurse. She thinks there's more than just depression, ADHD, and other things - though we both agree that managing those is vital too. She used to be a cardiologist, so this is reassuring. But when I have tried to see other doctors, it goes differently. Most of the time they see I have ADHD, a long history of depression, and hypermobile joints, and say that explains everything. I can't count how many times I've been told "well, you have depression” when the labs, if they even agreed to run them, came back normal. My standard blood work sometimes comes back with anemia, but I take an iron supplement. No improvement had come of it. I’ve had my thyroid hormone levels tested over and over, but never the antibodies. No imaging or referrals have happened, outside of one to a second rheumatologist. He ran no tests either; he just saw my joints are hypermobile and I was “sure taking a lot of mental health medications” (two at the time), and… that was that.

I had given up on actually even getting help until my SIL recommended a doctor she knew. For the first time in five years, when the standard blood work and TSH tests were normal, she told me we would keep looking. I actually cried with relief at that. It’s amazing to be believed after all this time.

Because of …. All of this, I'm trying to figure out how to either work for myself or find a work from home job that has flexible hours I can choose. I literally wouldn't be able to work a retail gig where I have to stand for eight hours, or even a 9-5 where I have to be there for those exact hours, because my body cannot do that right now. I want to get better but it's a long way off. First I need to know what's even wrong. I'm praying for a diagnosis soon. And treatment. At the least, management.

I have heard of EDS and I have been evaluated. I apparently don’t meet enough criteria, hence the diagnosis of JHS instead. It’s in the same family. I have also heard of POTS. I am pursuing testing. Same with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, MCAS, fibromyalgia… yeah. The thing is nothing outside of the standard blood count and thyroid hormone level test, no other lab tests have been done. There are so many things this could be that have never been checked. Lyme disease, for example, is extremely common where I live (it’s actually just extremely common worldwide) and matches much of my experience, but 1) in the USA the initial Lyme test relies on a strain of bacteria cultured in the 80s 2) there are over 100 strains of Lyme disease in the USA 3) in spite of decades of research there are doctors who don’t believe chronic Lyme exists 4) no doctor has ever checked and I only recently learned anything about it so I never asked. But… there are a lot of things to check that I’ve never had checked is my point. Fingers crossed someone can help me get there.

I do not have a partner who can try to support me through this, and my family already supports me however they can. My severance (which was low as I found out I was being paid much less than the rest of the team later) paid only my January rent.

Since my ability to work is severely limited right now, and I've been denied unemployment and food stamps, and I would need a diagnosis and to be awarded disability benefits in court (which can take YEARS that I don’t have), I have nothing in savings because of years of underpaying jobs the cost of living and being disabled and going through prior periods of unemployment due to this and other factors, I am left in a tough spot without help. Without this help, this gofundme... I have nothing.

So... here I am. A queer nonbinary disabled neurodivergent writer, trying my best, living with some undiagnosed illness that's severely impacted my ability to function, who got fired without real reasons (in America they can just do that to you without even telling you why), asking for your help to pay my February rent and January bills so I don’t repeat the trauma of being homeless. Or for you to reblog this.

Thank you for reading all of this.

It’s been on my chest for a long time. Even if it wasn’t for the gofundme, it feels good to talk about and be honest about my health. It reminds me you’re not supposed to feel like this all the time when I tell other people and they tell me I should get help and deserve answers. It’s reassuring to see competent doctors who finally believe me. I hope we figure it out.

no donation is too small— they add up. If just 100 people gave $35, the goal would be met. Sharing is also giving— it means someone who can help is more likely to see it.

You can also help via my venmo — secretladyspider

CashApp — secretladyspider

or find PayPal in my tip jar in my linktree

Goal is $3500 or over. Funds needed ASAP. If it goes over, that’ll help with February.

Thank you for anything and everything.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

So I’m not diagnosed. My niece has ADHD and my father swears up and down that he and his eldest acted the exact same way when they were her age.

My mother on the other hand shows signs ADHD and/or Autism. Every time I bring up getting a diagnosis she dismisses it. “You are extremely empathetic, you can’t be autistic” “I saw how you focused while you draw, you can’t have ADHD. You just have to apply yourself”. But it’s hard. I struggle with so many things and it feels like something is wrong.

I’ve have many diagnosed friends go “you’re autistic” or “do you have autism?” not even ten minutes after meeting them.

So, after talking to my friends I am “peer reviewed autistic”. It still feels like something is wrong, but it feels nice knowing that others share similar experiences. It’s comforting knowing that I am not alone.

Sorry for the long text, guess I got a little emotional-

Hi there,

I really dislike the stereotype that autistic people can’t feel empathy. While this may be true for some, it doesn’t apply to everyone. I’m very empathetic and I get emotional very emotional.

As for the ADHD attention part, I think it depends on what the person is doing. If they’re doing something they really like, of course they’re going to focus on it. With other stuff they can get distracted, bored, and maybe fidgety.

I’m not trying to be mean, but It seems like your parents don’t know much about these disorders and how they can affect everyone differently.

Im not sure if this really answers your question, but I appreciate the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[bringthekaos]

Im not sure if you're still actively in the arcane fandom but I was wondering what type of things Jayce and viktor would argue about besides their opinions on hex tech/ war. Would they even argue a lot?

Kinda like normal couple things, like would Viktor get annoyed at Jayce for chewing with his mouth open or would Jayce get annoyed at Viktor for cleaning up his room for him? and etc.

Oh I very much am still here, just kinda getting steamrolled by life. But I’m still just as obsessed with JayVik as I was on day one!!

My headcanon for a recurring argument is organization—if you look at Jayce’s apartment, he is just… all over the place. Like… he made himself and Cait sandwiches and then left them on the table and fucked off to the Undercity for parts. I feel like he’s got a little of that ADHD; he starts a project, gets distracted by another, leaves shit lying around, repeat ad nauseum. I imagine his system for organizing is “I’ll remember where I had it last.” Which I can totally relate to, as I’m that way. It would be great if I could put things back where they go on a shelf or in a drawer, but for some reason I just “take a picture” with my mind, and I remember where things were last, even if that’s not where they go.

And Viktor is much more organized—a habit he’s trained himself into over time. He needs to know where things are when he needs them, and it’s important to him that he can find those things without wasting time searching for them. And I imagine he gets frustrated when he needs certain tools in the lab, and they’re supposed to be hanging above the workbench, but they’re not. So then he has to ask Jayce where they are, and of course Jayce knows, he remembers where he put it. But it gets frustrating for Viktor, having to ask every time. He’d prefer if it was just where it was supposed to be.

And of course this wouldn’t be a recurring thing if they would just explain to each other their rationale, but there’s a measure of self-consciousness involved—Jayce being insecure about his disorganization, and Viktor worrying he’s being too picky (even though it’s often not about being picky, it’s about saving himself the movement and the pain of having to go looking for something).

I imagine they disagree on many other things, obviously politics and economics, but those things I can see them more easily avoiding (at least in the early days). Kind of an “agree to disagree” situation. But as time goes on, I can see all of these small disagreements festering, and because they don’t really talk about them, what was once a minute crack in their relationship becomes a massive rift. That said though, I still think all of it could be mended if they would just talk to each other—level with the other, explain why they feel the way they do. I’m certain they’d both understand, and would compromise with each other in the interest of maintaining their relationship. They care deeply about one another, whether it’s platonic or romantic, and I believe they would put in the effort to mend that rift. But sadly, they don’t get that chance before it all goes to hell.

[rileyclaw]

Hii! First off i just want to I'm such a big fan of your art and animatics! Your art is just so expressive and unique its addicting to look at 💞💞

I was wondering if you could go over how your process or tutorial in making an animatic? Whenever I try to start to make one, I get jumbled up and end up ditching it lol

I'm sorry if you get this question a lot 😭

So sorry it took me so long to answer this- I was in a Busy time (diseaseridden with covid and being punched by finals) when I got the ask and wanted to answer it with some stuff Im using for my next TOH animatic!!

I'll say one thing first: I get jumbled up and ditch so many animatics. For every one animatic I release, there are three to five more I have that have NEVER seen the light of day (yet). And that's okay!! It's fun just to make them for me, and I hope it is for you too!! Animatics are scary because if you're working on it alone, it can be really hard to be your own cheerleader to keep up the mojo to keep going. So that makes it really special when there is that project that makes it to the finish line- cuz you can look at it and go "holy crap I made this. holy crap i MADE that look how SICK that is dude!! all that work and look at the turnout!!"

The following stuffh is just my personal process and is by no means representative of a professional animation pipeline, but this works for me as a Lonely Artist! It all begins with the idea - whether it's a song, or just a story you wanna tell. In the case of the one I'm gonna demo here with , I wanted to animate Hunter's first day as Del's apprentice!

The first thing I did was write a script. Not fancy or AO3-quality, but enough that I understand the pacing and the visuals of each shot. I usually just put this in a doc or put it in a script format, if I feel fancy.

Then, I take that script and find music that I think would fit for it- and remix it (if needed) to fit the pacing/mood/etc! This is what this new animatic looked like before I began ANY artwork- this is a me thing because I'm super inspired by audio as opposed to visuals first. But you might be different- this is just how I like working personally!

Then begins the research! I find references for characters, background layouts, and create a style guide for the animatic that tells me how thick lines will be for characters, backgrounds, if there'll be tons of value or no. I make a turnaround for each character so I can refer to them because Im gonna be drawing them over and over a LOT and want to be consistent! Luckily TOH has no shortage of references, so I based my work off them.

THEN, I can begin drawing. I'm a little,,, (a lot) ADHD and may not always do this process, but if you're new to animatics or daunted by the task at hand, make beat boards of the entire project.

This is just a page of rough thumbnails that get your visual idea down - look how rough and quick these are!! I try not to spend over a minute on each beat board if I dont have to, unless it's a particularly complex shot.

When it gets to the stage where you're ready to begin the actual scenes, I personally tend to do backgrounds first because I like to set characters into backgrounds - and for every animatic, I have the Awkward Blue Sketch Stage which is basically my beat boards timed out as an animatic.

I used Storyboard Pro for this (Toonboom, not free ): icky), but the process can be replicated across most art platforms in whichever way you feel most comfy with! This is so I can time the drawings before I devote time cleaning them up-- which can make for some Pretty Funny looking little guys but theyre important!! trust!!

Once a big sequence of shots is cleaned up (I usually do 40-60 second chunks at a time), I export the .mov and send it to my editing program (which in this case is still Premiere Pro) - and then repeat this process again and again until.. it's done??

Here's like a TL;DR list of basically everything I said summed up:

• Make a loose script or bulletin of the idea! Do your research!

• Depending on what kind of animatic you're making, time it to music!

• Make a beat board of very loose gestures for your shots, and time them - then move on to refinement & cleanup!

• Combine all shots, refine music cues and timings, add any last needed VFX, and export!

There's no secret recipe or anything, it's just learning a pipeline that best suits you, whether it is for something professional or something you want to make for fun because you just love to make!!

[bisexual-queenie]

Could you please post some Mha Pro Heroes head canons. By pros I mean the current pros.

Of course! Im super happy I got this ask!

(Trigger warning: A very small mention of a cult, but its not explicit)

All of nationality headcannons:

Mic: Half Japanese Half Italian

Edgeshot: Half Japanese Half Thai

Nighteye: Half Japanese Half Vietnamese

Miruko: Half Japanese Half Dominican

Mount Lady: Half Japanese Half Swedish

Present Mic, Edgeshot, and Nighteye are neurodivergent (ADHD, ADD, and Autistic respectively).

The Lurkers have a groupchat that was supposed to be for professional uses only, however it soon became so much more chaotic in a matter of minutes. People think Edgeshot, being the leader and all, created it, but it was actually Kamui (bless his heart by thinking it was gonna be professional). Edgeshot and Mount Lady quickly filled the chat with as much chaos as they could muster in 5 minutes.

Present Mic remembers every pro hero’s birthday, and you bet your ass he throws them the most spectacular birthday party ever (and by spectacular I mean the party fits what that hero is most comfortable with. If the hero in question doesn’t like huge elaborate parties, the party is more quiet and private. If the hero is a known party animal, then the room quickly becomes an elaborate house party)

Edgeshot and Ryukyuu know how to professionally throat sing. (Listen to “Genesis” by Otyken as a reference thats where I got this one lmao)

Some headconnons regarding pronouns and sexuality! (Please note these are no way cannon whatsoever, but rather something my brain think about a lot)

All Might: Cis Male — He/Him (Bi)

Eraserhead: Cis Male — He/Him (Gay)

Present Mic: Genderfluid — He/She/They (Bi)

Midnight: AFAB NB — She/They (Pan)

Ingenium (Tensei): AMAB NB — He/They (Bi)

Nighteye: Trans Man — He/Him (Gay)

Mount Lady: Cis Female — She/Her (Bi)

Kamui Woods: Cis Male — He/Him (Straight but such a wonderful ally. Would definitely hand out water at pride parades)

Edgeshot: AFAB NB — They/Them (Pan)

Best Jeanist: Cis Male — He/Him (Gay) (But like, he still could care less about gender, he identifies as a cis guy but trancends gender at the same time, y’know?)

Gang Orca: AMAB NB —They/Them (Gay) (In his words: “Orcas dont need genders”)

Miruko: Cis Female — She/Her (Lesbian)

Hawks: Cis Male — He/Him (Bi) (Never really put much thought into his identity, but is a huge supporter if everyone else in his usual nonchalant way)

Endeavor: Cis Male — He/Him (Straight) (I wholeheartedly think he doesn’t really understand, and thinks he is trying, but sometimes doesn’t show correctly, you know what I mean?)

Fat Gum: Cis Male —He/Him (Straight Ally all the way! He’s the one parading everyone around at pride event, wearing pride merch and making food for everyone)

Ryukyuu: Trans Female — She/Her (Lesbian)

(Please tell me if I used the correct terminology or not)

Nighteye can play the piano like a pro.

Present Mic loves playing the acoustic guitar. Hes THAT guy at a campfire.

While there is the obvious romatic relationships I adore (Erasermic, Edgejeanist, Nightmight, Kamui x Mount Lady, etc.), there are so many cute scenarios for platonic relationships

Eraserhead and Edgeshot being frenemies but caring for eachother so dearly.

Edgeshot and Ryukyuu BROTP

Gang Orca thinking they are the third wheel for Edgejeanist, but little do they know they consider them to be their “third”.

Lurkers being super close with one another

All Might caring for every pro hero like a mother hen

Nighteye and Midnight having gossip sessions

Miruko and Hawks BROTP #2

Ok, possibly the weirdest one yet: Yoroi Musha (the elderly hero, former number 9 hero) is Edgeshot’s adopted dad. (I saw it in a fic once and fell in love with it).

- The story (in my head) goes that Edgeshot was born and raised in a cult in rural Japan, and then one day when they were like 10 the comune gets raided after a tip was given, and Yoroi Musha led the raid. His eyes fell into a young, malnourished, and terrified Edgeshot and was like “they’re my child now” (This is the super simplified version, and Im super intrested in writing this!)

All Might considers Gran Torino to be his father figure. As a result, Nighteye considered him to be his father in law. Gran Torino wishes he can deny this, but at this point he cannot.

Last but not least! Eri, once she gets comfortable enough, considers every pro hero to be her aunt/uncle/somewhere in between.

Thank you @dragonspiritxx for the wonderful ask! I hope you like this!

Hopefully everyone else will to! I haven’t posted anything MHA related since I graduated high school back in May and started college as well, so Im glad Im back in the groove!

[rzyraffek]

Oh, oh! I got one!

okay okay, so, don’t feel pressured to write this if you do t want to, but what about slashers (Vincent Sinclair, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, anyone else you wanna add) with a s/o who gets really distracted? Like, in the middle of doing something that should be simple, they zone out and forget what they were doing. (I have really bad ADHD so that’s why I’m asking-)

like, they even have to remind their s/o to take medicine and just nudges to get them back on track-

idk, do what you will with that idea, and again, thank u for ur time!!

btw, u look amazing today!!

You too look amazing today! Thanks for request! Why is everyone so spooked of requesting, the worst thing I can do is not answer🥰

Slashers with s/o that gets distracted A LOT

Sinclair Vincent

Imagine, s/o is in Vince workplace first time, he probably wants to turn them into wax figure, he leaves room for one second to grab some tools. Boom s/o is just walking around judging his wax figurines

Mans gonna be like 🧍in corridor when they are just amused by how cute and pretty some of those lil figurines are🥰

After they get along, Vince really enjoys slow walks thrue gallery or just near area, cuz its very pretty and there's no Bo screaming like child

He saw some pretty leaves, he went to pick them up so he can show them to s/o. He turn around... where.. where are they??!?!? Huuh did they leave him?? Dude will be overthinking hard. But after few minutes of looking for them, they just kinda spawn behind him "hey vince look i found this cool as rocks and then I saw deer's and I kinda fallowed them to this dope river come see!"they just grab his hand and lead him :(tbh vince was this close to mental break down, now he always holds hands

Myers Micheal

My dude is about to buy one of those backpack leashes that some parents have. He's like 80years young, ain't no way he's going to run around city looking for some guy who just saw pretty butterfly and almost got hit by a car 5times.

To be honest they should be ones making sure he won't just walk of and get lost in Forest judging by his age

When he notice that s/o didnt take their daily medicine he just takes it and slams it on desk/table next to them or just throws it at them! Take the pills dummy!

S/o calling him 'heya mickey im lost pick me up' happends twice per week. Really s/o be more careful pls

Voorhees Jason

If you thought that Vincent panicked? Oh this guy will have mental breakdown, cry and then search whole place

In forests signal sucks so they can't call him and screams won't do much cuz echo and Jason is mute so he cant yell back anyways

He won't buy leash but he will hold their hand 24/7 nuh uh you cant go run after those deers, no you can't go swimming we know what happend in 1957

Now he has ptsd and evertime he wakes up and doesn't see s/o in his eyesight he instantly thinks that she's in difrent country or dead

Heelshire Brahms

This dude knows the whole mansion no way he loses them here right?

Jokes on you brahms they are already on the other side of it

Even tho they are in closed space, which is safe and very known to Brahms it doesnt stop his abandment issues and... idk he has a lot of issues tbh. No matter how long he knows s/o he's is 100% sure that they are trying to leave.

He will probably speed run thrue corridors screaming their name and he just stubbles across them just watching paitinings on walls "this you? You were ugly ass baby" "WHERE WERE YOU" "I saw funny rats and i wondered where they have secret cheese hideout" "rats?😰" (its a reference to my old fic where brahms was beaten up by rats and now hes spooked of them)

He has calendar with highlighted date everyday they have to take pills and how many so every morning when s/o wakes up they see his face like few centimetres away from theirs, with aggressive eye contact holding pills "it is time my love" " oh :("

I added brahms cuz hes goofy, have wonderful day person reading this!! And never be spooked to ask for headcanons! We love that

[austinsastrology8991]

> Mer{Cure}Y <

I gots some drugs for yall fiends > plug back <

1 > No one wants to talk to each other Hi how are you? good thanks :) Nice day isnt it. It for sure is! Hey wyd. not much wbu. Im chilling. Same lol. what are you doing? Im watching something on youtube. Oh nice. Wbu? im watching anime. Oh cool. No wonder we are all fiends for some entertainment, because we are incapable of entertaining each other. 2 > The insecurity of not sounding smart makes everyone conform into a retarded form of one another. We all have the same views. The same topics are constantly being brought up. And when someone speaks about something new, everyone loses interest because no one can handle the reality that maybe they don't know something. Oh and the only reason you listen to each other is to get something from that person whether that be attention, or clout or whatever the fuck you define as your ends. Since most of us, are in a state of fear, we aren't able to talk about something we don't know about. 3 > Mercury is about confidence. And most of yall bite your tongues but love to act tough. Every person who has told me they are hard, is incapable of pushing the envelope. I think you are more caught up with your own image, and are afraid of not appearing tuff. But guess what true courage is about revolting against whats normal, or the courage to be wrong. Show dont tell true?. ANd im done hearing about whoever the fuck you think you are. Show me something interesting dont tell me what you think you are. Don't tell me what you want me to hear. 4 > Conversations are being ruined by people who are constantly telling others they are wrong. Excuse me fucker. But are you capable of arguing against me? No beyond that. Can you stick to the conversation at hand, or are you going to source the same sources every SJW ever has cited. Your not even a real person, your just mimicrying beliefs you believe in. Pathetic tbh. Hey whatever more people will agree with you because we are all jsut looking for a place to belong. so good for you. You chose the easy way out bravo. I thought conversations were a place to discuss and learn. But your so focused on being correct. to me you look wrong, but you do 'sound' right because well .. to reiterate we all want to be right so we band together with whats acceptable. 5 > School fucked you. You were told to sit down and stfu. and if you were invested in to the conversation in the class room. You were memed on by all ur class mates. School breeds insecurity, and teaches people to sit down. Thats why some of yall are so forceful in standing up for yourself. Trying to break the chains of the past. And before you point the finger at me. Don't shoot the messenger. we were all brainwashed, I dont blame anyone trying to change the foundations of your past, considering how fucked it all really is 6 > "Im not that smart" This is just an excuse. Learning everyone can do. You just need to concentrate and put effort in. "oh I canT beCauSe I HaVe ADHD" well my bad just take more of that meth shit that way you can turn into mini hitler and become smart I guess. Also if your so insecure go cry to your psychologists like ffs. Eveyrone can be smart. YOu just need to develop your confidence > Rule 3 <

7 > You learn from what you see. monkey see monkey do. if your surrounded by a bunch of dumb cunts. YOur a dumb cunt now. If your being put down by people in your clique you are surrounded by negativity. If your being constantly praised for nothing you are surrounded by yes man. Find diversity. use discrepency. Its perfectly okay to judge people. stop suppressing that urge to appear 'normal' Many people are not normal but we are so caught up in trying to act normal when we are all pretty fucky 8 > The past was different and so will be the future. Would you shut the fuck up with the pessmism. Things will change. You need to be open to receiving it. You've had happy times as much as youve had bad times. ANd if your trapped in a big pit hole of death. well you better get climbing because no one can be bothered to help anyone anymore because we are probably the most selfish we've ever been ever (social mediaaaaasaa) and the adults are still trying to adjust to the internet because the world been flipped (itll flip again) 9 > No one cares about your opinion more than you Thats why your so uncomfortable speaking your truth. Because everyone is more into their own truths. So we practise the art of self affirmation by denying other peoples truths. When everything exists for a reason. WE are so caught up in making our own manifestations true by denying others 'truths.' Selfish cunts.... But hey wtf am I saying Im just an anonymous pluto I don't know shit ;')

My next post is my last post. Don't cry. I have my reasons. My next post however is going to my >master piece< ;')

[megumi-fm]

MEG!!!! omg hii, how are you?? i missed you 💗💗

How's living abroad going? And how's the master's student life treating you?

(i saw your answer to zesty's ask, and i feel you, adulting is so hard😭 i'm trying to spend more weekends at uni city, pretending to be an adult and doing all the chores and it sucks sometimes. like, wdym i have to have ideas for different meals at least twice a day?? criminal)

AJ MY BELOVED HELLO HOW ARE YOU WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UPTO TELL ME EVERYTHING I remember you were done with your Bachelors! Are you doing your Masters right now? (Or am I remembering wrong 😓) How has everything been these past few months? Adulting is kinda hard 😩 but im rooting for you from here!! You got this!!

oh i miss you too!! Life here is interesting cause I thought Id get used to the place quick (i did my high school here) but there’s always new things I’m learning about the city and its culture. There’s also always events going on which means I’m living in perpetual fomo 😩 but it is what it is ✊

Masters has been hectic and being an adult means that you gotta regulate your routines and tasks and I’ve only gotten worse at it :/ I really need to get adhd meds but I don’t even have the time (or the executive functions) to visit my uni health clinic :// there’s only three weeks left and every week gets busier than the one before so it’s pretty scary 😭 but it’s been quite fun! the ups and downs and last minute submissions and all-nighters really make it feel like I’m in undergrad yet again 😭

the people here are wonderful! I found myself a friend group that always has my back (the more accurate wording would be that a group adopted me 😂) and I’ve also been going for Kpop dance sessions at my uni!! I can’t say I’m good at it but I enjoy dancing and I enjoy the company hehe 🤭

overall, it’s been quite a story to tell… I just wish I had a little bit more time in my hands but I’m sure that’s just a flaw in my own way of scheduling things 😓 just three more weeks and I’m done with this semester!! woohoo!!

I miss you guys!! I hope you’ve been having a wonderful time these past four months!! Sending in lots of virtual hugs!! 🥰 🥰

[vyzz-undercover]

Your work is absolutely phenomenal. I’m not even in the Warhammer fandom, never heard of Cato, but your writing caught me from the first sentence and I’ve binged all of it. Wonderful atmosphere building and very endearing characterisation, I enjoyed every moment of the story. Please continue pursuing this craft in your free time, the love you have for writing is palpable!

However, as a fellow writer, god is it sometimes so hard to find motivation, so please always put yourself and your mental health first !

Have a nice day and thank you for introducing me to a new fandom :)

im tweaking??? this is the sweetest fucking anon ever??? i love you. thank you so much genuinely, im so glad you enjoyed it and BUT ALSO,,,, FUCK IM SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO DRAG YOU INTO THIS PIT,,, everyone in this little corner of the world is SUUUPER lovely but we are all COOKED,,, and yes, i pinky promise i am taking my time unlike the first few chapters where i was absolutely word vomiting,,, i know i gotta be cool about not overloading myself,,, or my ass will go full ADHD oppositional stubborn bull mode and switch off like a bricked pc,, but god, i really do love writing for you guys and your reactions make any sort of hastle beta-ing and formating sooooooo worth it just to know it's a good meal for yall.

[minthara]

really long personal answer to an anon i got. trigger warnings in the tags.

First of all i wanna apologise to everyone who follows me for the last few days lmao, but i feel like if i dont post about it im literally gonna kill myself. I need somewhere to write down my thoughts because i feel bad always going to the same 2 friends i still have and complain about the same situation again and again about a dude they dont even know that well.

Thank you so much for ur message really, and sorry if im gonna take it as another excuse to write down all my thoughts, but i think it will really help me.

So the pathetic thing. I didnt ever post about this and in real life i think only like. 3 people knew. But after we broke up i begged him for months to take me back. It really was pathetic. And when he called me pathetic i think he was just very very hurt, because that was the second time i broke up with him (just a few weeks ago). It was in the sense of me begging him for so long just to break up again a few months later. I feel fucking stupid even writing this. I spent about 10k euros trying to get away from him, it fucked up my life so massively that i lost a job i really loved over it.

And now my new job is about 5 minutes away from our old apartment and i think thats a huge reason why i cant get over it. Every day i walk past restaurants, the supermarkets, anything we went to together. I had to buy snacks for work today and just burst into tears in the fucking supermarket because we used to go there together. The people at work are always so appreciative bc i know the area so well but they dont know how much it fucking hurts me and its so stupid like. Should i just avoid that part of town forever??? No fucking get over it bitch like wtf its a fucking supermarket.

And it also hurts because i know i wasnt always perfect and there were many times i was super mean to him. But at a point i couldnt deal with his ADHD anymore and that sounds so shitty but im a super organised person to the point where sometimes i wonder if thers anything ocd related but i dont think so. In my head i swap between i have ocd, i have adhd, i have borderline, i have autism  - i have no idea whats wrong with me, but the way i feel cant be normal. I know this because the way i behave isnt normal, i know i can come across as really strange, i cant judge social situations well and often dont know how to behave. But i constantly criticised him for symptoms of his mental illnesss.

But i never physically hurt him, and that was the last straw for me, why i left. I dont know how u can do that to a person you love.

And im just mourning the life i thought i was going to have so, so, so much. I know on tumblr ppl somehow think youre brainwashed when you want a traditional marriage and kids and stuff, but i really thought that was going to happen in the next 2 / 3 years, thats how i planned my life since i was fucking 21 and i met him. And now im almost 27, and i cant even go on dates because i cannot bear talking to new people because all i want is a clone of him but better.

I know i will look back at this and think “u cried about THAT guy???” in a few years, because thats how its always been in my life lol (except for one relationship, but were still really really best friends). I always think afterwards i will never love someone that much again. But it hits so much harder because it was such a serious relationship lol i really wanted to marry him. Sobs lol.

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.

[jedipoodoo]

Im not entirely sure if your asks are open or not so feel free to ignore this but i read your post about the batch with reader whos selectively mute and thats something i deal with and really related to so i was wondering if you would do the batch with someone who stims and it can vary from a small twitch to a stim that can be physically painful mine can be a small twitch or my head rolls back really fast and i usually end up smacking it against the wall pretty hard again feel free to ignore this if your not comfortable writing it thank you though for your other works im really enjoying them your writing style is amazing 😊

Notes: no warnings, gen fic (no implied romance), discussion of stims and stim toys, SFW, Wrecker has ADHD symptoms, neurodivergent Bad Batch, no use of Y/N.

Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad you like my writing style!

"Oh hey!" Wrecker's hand shot out, cupping the back of your head before it could hit the wall.

"Careful, you could end up like me!" He grinned at you, pointing to the scar.

Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment beneath your helmet, your shoulders hunched in an effort to keep yourself from stimming and swinging your head back again.

"Thanks Wrecker," You mumbled.

Wrecker watched the tension in your muscles as you suppressed your usual urges to stimulate your body. He could fairly see your thoughts racing.

"Here," he handed you a little board covered in switches and dials.

"What's this?" You asked. You flipped a couple switches, but nothing happened. Several colorful wires hung off the side of the board, and a couple of them were plugged into outlets marked with the corresponding color.

"I get a little nervous when my hands aren't doing something. That's why I like lifting Gonky so much." He pointed his thumb at the passing GNK droid, and Gonky waddled a little bit faster to get past the two of you.

"I get really nervous if I don't shut down a bomb every once in a while, but coming across those doesn't happen very often anymore," He laughed, and you had to as well. At least that was one perk to being on the run, no diffusing bombs every other day.

"Tech and Echo put this together for me to help me when my brain needs the exercise," He twirled a few of the dials and flicked one of the knobs, turning on a couple of flashing lights.

"Echo called it a stimboard. One of his guys in the 501st had one like it."

Hesitantly, you flicked a couple more switches, even plugged and unplugged a few of the wires. You can see how Wrecker might find it entertaining.

"Thanks big guy, but I don't think this'll help me with my stims," You rubbed the back of your neck and handed it back to him.

"Well then we gotta find somethin' that will!"

"That's okay, I don't need- woah!" Wrecker grabbed your arm and yanked you out of your seat, pulling you into the cockpit with Tech and Echo.

"Do you boys think you could help us make a stimboard for them?" He asked.

Tech looked up from his datapad and adjusted his goggles, reminding you so much of the countless bespectacled doctors you'd seen throughout your childhood that you couldn't help but roll your eyes.

"Given their tics, it would be hard to make a board like yours for them," but he hummed thoughtfully.

"Maybe something like a massage gun? Something that can tap them on the back of their head without it breaking their skull?" Echo suggested.

"You guys don't have to-" You started, but they were already throwing out more ideas, and Wrecker's eyes were alight with such a stimulating distraction in the middle of hyperspace.

"What do you think?" Tech asked.

You sighed, but couldn't help a smile.

"Sounds great, guys."

[motionpicturedemise]

myth's game writeup of 2023

i waited until the new year to finish this in case i managed to beat a game during december. i did not. ANYWAY.

this will contain new games as well as games i only got around to in 2023. light on spoilers but be warned

Octopath Traveler II (2023)

as far as i remember, this was the first new game I played this year, and god did it deliver. I've been a fan of octopath since the first one came out on switch in 2018, counting it as my favorite game of all time, so to have a sequel after all this time was thrilling. it did almost everything octopath 1 did and better. new path actions, day/night system, branching stories, fucking boats?? incredible.

my biggest gripe has to be the new hidden classes. I started with throne so getting inventor 10 minutes after my chapter one did definitely fuck up the progression a little bit. I think I preferred ot1 hidden classes. while the dungeons were underwhelming, the boss battles really make you fight for these secret techniques, something absent in 3 out of the 4 hidden classes of octopath 2.

overall: 4/5 BP.

Xenoblade Chronicles 3: Future Redeemed (2023)

xenoblade 3 as the end of the klaus trilogy really didn't sit well with me, for reasons that don't belong on my review of its dlc, but future redeemed fixed nearly every problem i had with base xc3 — both story and gameplay wise. it ties every xenoblade game and even some of gears and saga into a neat little 40 hour bow, and is truly a love letter to the entire series. I can only think of one problem I still have with it. the fucking menu music.

where do i even fucking start with this one really. relatively speaking, I'm a new xenoblade fan, having started xc1 in march 2022 during a harrowing experience with adhd meds, and since then it had kinda consumed me. I finished it in about a week, went on to watch xenoblade 2 because I had heard the gameplay wasn't great, and got my hands on xenoblade 3 day of release.

overall: 5 dance apples.

Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (2023)

as someone who was not immune to the hype surrounding botw, I had high hopes for the sequel. hopes that were painfully, slowly, fed into a trash compactor over my playthrough. this is another game I got on release day, lining up outside gamestop in the heat, and lets not forget that it's the only first-party switch game with a price tag of seventy bucks.

the game plays like a tech demo. I have a lot of love in my heart for it. the story was better that botw, the world was more expansive than botw, but the problem here is that everything it does is directly compared to breath of the wild. it doesn't get enough time to shine, because we're in the exact same world as 6 years ago, but instead of pinkish black malice we have blackish pink gloom. i much prefer the runes to the zonai abilities, and the sense of wonder that permeated breath of the wild is replaced by a sense of nostalgia that just doesn't appeal to me much.

all of this isn't to say it's a bad game. I think it's a great game, honestly, but a great game that wasn't meant for me. I've seen the insane shit people do with ultrahand, but it just... isn't my style.

overall: 441/1000 korok seeds

Pikmin 4 (2023)

it's pikmin. i dont have much to say about it. it was a lot of fun, loved that part where i bulborbed all over those guys. im not a gameplay reviewer, at heart i mostly talk about story, and a game like pikmin doesn't have much for me to comment on. good fun. lived up to expectations. probably wouldn't replay.

overall: 7500 sparklium

Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood (2017)

oh, stormblood... the rage you still fill my veins with. I'm not going to spend too long on this one because I have better things to do with my life than shit on an expansion everyone already hates, but let me make it clear I actually do have reasons for disliking it.

having ala mhigo built up since the very start of a realm reborn, only to have half of the ala mhigo expansion take place halfway across the star, was very disappointing. the monotony of the three areas in gyr abania compared to the three far east areas was very disappointing. the treatment of the people of the steppe and honestly that entire segment in the main story quest was very disappointing. hien, as a character, in his entirety, was very disappointing.

I will say it had strong parts. the 61-70 quests for several jobs were the strongest in their entire story (see: dark knight). the dungeons started to get more interesting. it gave us the quest Child Labor, which is hilarious and I'll never be finishing it because I want it there forever.

overall: 1/3 WHM Lillies.

Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers (2019)

ffxiv immediately got better the second 4.0 was over. even the patch quests instantly shot up in quality. it's not even funny. the lead up to shadowbringers was the most fun I had had with the game since a realm reborn, and all of the first was heartbreaking to go through even though I was spoiled on That Character's Identity.

the duty trust system (is that what it was called?) made dungeons much more fun. getting to go through hell with alphinaud alisaie and thancred made everything 10x better, even if it was a lot slower. the story, again, heartbreaking — ryne's arc in particular felt like being stabbed by thousands of little needles while trying to play. in the best way, of course. and amaurot... amaurot. getting to quote our favorite knight in there was my 8th umbral calamity.

shadowbringers also marks when a lot of your job's functionality is really unlocked, so doing the level 80 raid series was genuinely a ton of fun. and again the thousands of little needles. i cried at least 7 times during the main story.

overall: 85/100 kenki gauge.

Katana Zero (2019)

possibly my favorite game this year. the protagonist, zero (or as i like to call him, katana from zero,) ticked all the boxes for a character I'd be absolutely obsessed with. true enough, i fell in love. the fast-paced gameplay, the diegesis of gameplay elements which would typically go unquestioned, and the care that seeps through every dialogue choice all solidify katana zero as one of my favorite game experiences ever. I'll leave it at this, because I encourage everyone to at least give it a try.

overall: Yes, that should work.

Fire Emblem Engage (2023)

this is one of the few 2023 releases on this list that I didn't get on launch, because at the time I had relatively little interest in fire emblem as a series. then I made a lot of friends who enjoy it, and in october, bestie sen decided to buy it for me as an early birthday present. everyone say thank you sen.

considering this is my first fire emblem game, i have absolutely no deeper insight into how it matches up compared to the others, and plenty of people more eloquent than me have already talked about that. what I do know is that the gameplay was surprisingly fun as my first tactical rpg, and the story was passable. all the characters were appealing in one way or another, and I'm still mad I had to choose between marrying kagetsu or fogado. they're both my husbands at heart.

overall: I didn't internalize enough of this game to come up with a clever rating.

Fire Emblem Engage: Fell Xenologue (2023)

I was expecting the dlc to continue the main story, so I put it off until I had finished the base game. in hindsight, I regret it, because I'd love to have brought the winds and twins with me to fight their evil versions and alternate universe dad. the story was... alright. I really liked all the small battle interactions between fell characters and our party members which they would've known. I instantly recognized fogado in chapter 1 because I am in love with him by the way.

overall: i dont know. 1¾ dragonstones

with 2024 upon us, I'll probably be writing reviews for games as I play them. I'm trying to use tumblr more as a social platform instead of just reblogging. we'll see how that plays out. if you like any of these games (yes, even tears of the kingdom) please talk to me about them! that's all for now. look out for my mangled thoughts on SANABI and Nier: Automata next :)