#even when the consumer expect the direction the story's heading toward

[misledmiseries]

no but i love how i love horror, the gothic, and dark fiction in general but then get so sad when bad things happen like noooooooo!!! really??? how ? whyy??? that sucks!

honey that's literally what you signed up for lmao

[smfolklore]

Ignorance

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Author's Note : Okay she's here! This is 2.5K, I hope you enjoy it! Please leave me your thoughts, if you'd be so kind. I'm so happy that you all liked the first story I wrote. It motivated me to write this!

Synopsis : Y/N goes to Uriah's dormitory and gets incredibly tipsy (she's obliterated). Her instructor discovers this and is snarky with her because he's jealous.

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Present Time

My head is fucking pounding. I can hear only the persistent throbbing echoing throughout my brain. But it's what I deserve.

Uriah invited me to a “small” gathering happening among him and his two fellow Dauntless-Born companions. What I didn’t expect was the mass amount of alcohol that we were going to consume that night.

But I didn’t exactly say no. 

I will never deny an opportunity to have fun. When I lived with the Abnegation, there was zero tolerance for fun. It’s the one regulation I will never miss. There were aspects that I loved, like the simplicity and generosity of the people, but the negative aspect of this faction is that they were far too rigid.

In that, Dauntless is the complete opposite. And it’s the reason I’ve fallen in love with how at ease life is here. There are zero regulations (which is.. concerning), but to me that only indicates freedom.

Which is why last night, I drank. I consumed every shot that was handed to me, which if I remember correctly was eight. I’d never drank an ounce of alcohol before yesterday, which should have steered me into complacency but it didn’t.

–––

Uriah’s Dormitory - The Day Before

My face is slightly red as I feel the warmth of the liquor pulsing through me, and I’m trying desperately to contain the giggle slipping by.

We’re in Uriah’s dormitory. There’s six of us: Myself, Uriah, Lynn, Christina, Marlene, and Will. Christina and Will are desperately attempting to sing a chosen song, a microphone in each hand and while everyone is laughing and enjoying the euphoric sensation rolling through them, I feel the entire weight of my figure get heavy.

Uriah laughs at my expression, “Are you okay!”

And before I can even respond, I’m shaking my head with an erupting laugh, “No! No! I can’t stop laughing”.

I feel Uriah plop beside me, and I let my back hit the mattress as I see him lay across it. We’re a chaotic mess of laughing and bloodshot eyes. I blink at him slowly and see the lazy grin on his face.

“I am so fucking drunk right now”.

His grin stretches, “I feel complete. I’ve managed to intoxicate a girl from Abnegation. I never thought I would see the day”.

I raise an eyebrow in disbelief and let out a laugh as I say, “This is the first and the last time. I swear it”.

I don’t, actually.

I’m having far too much fun. Christina and Will are doing Karaoke, Lynn and Marlene are holding onto each-other for balance as they laugh so hard that they’re wheezing, and Uriah and I are laying across his mattress trying to gather our bearing’s. 

I can do this for the rest of my life. This faction is so liberating in spite of its faults.

Before I’m able to register it, Uriah is gripping onto my two wrists and using them as leverage to pull me upright. I’m still a pile of limbs, my body incoherent almost, but I grin as I see him pulling me to my feet.

Once I’m standing I hear a quick, “Our turn!” and my eyes widen dramatically. I can’t sing.

“No, Uriah! I can’t!”

But he’s smiling and I relent as he directs us to the stand that’s hosting the microphones. I pick one up, and as soon as I recognize the song that’s playing I turn to Uriah excitedly and exclaim, “How do you know this song!”

–––

Present Time

When I manage to open my eyes, I’m groggy. Beside me is Uriah, and beside him is Lynn as well as Marlene. We all fell asleep at his dormitory. I use the knuckle of my finger to get completely free of the drowsiness that is looming over me.

I groan as I force myself to sit up. I push myself toward the opposite side of the mattress, softly tying my laces and straightening my clothing. I laugh a little when I see Christina and Will on the couch beside the microphone post. Regardless of how close they’ve managed to become, they swear that they aren’t romantic. Yeah right.

I’ve become accustomed to waking up at 4 in the morning given my training session with Four. In spite of the fact that the first stage is complete, he’s prolonged our training. I didn’t ask him, he simply did. I’d expected him to stop the session, but he never opened the topic, and I certainly wasn’t going to propose it.

I enjoyed our time together.

In the last six week’s, Four and I have built upon our relationship. Our dynamic is.. fairly complicated. There are moments where I feel the tension dissipate and it often indicates the beginning of a friendship, but then he can quickly revert to the distant instructor I see so often.

I can admit that it hurts. I don’t know where I stand when I’m with him and it’s by far the most confusing relationship I’ve ever had. He’s gentle and patient one moment, and the next he’s curt and stern.

This pattern of inconsistency is only intensifying my doubt. I have no clue as to whether or not he thinks I’m attractive. Or if he even likes me. And it’s only served to irritate me. When I see him, I remain indifferent. 

It’s for the absolute best is what I tell myself. He’s clearly not interested in me. He had six entire week’s to give me even an inkling that he likes me, and he hasn’t. I can’t help the disappointment that I feel, I’d thought given the tension within our first session that there was more, but I can’t force him to find me appealing, can I?

I make my way into Uriah’s restroom, searching through the cabinet until I find what I was in need of. A new toothbrush. There’s no way I’m going to train with my insanely hot instructor without brushing my teeth. It’s like asking him to stop training me, when in reality I want to improve. I want to succeed here.

I wash my face, and even manage to brush my hair with a new comb I found stashed beside his toothbrush. I slip out of his dormitory as quietly as I can manage, trying to let them rest. I can’t have them discovering where I go so early in the morning. It wasn’t explicitly said that my training with Four is going against a protocol, but I don’t want to involve him if it is. So I maintain this secret for myself.

It’s 4:47 when I stroll into the training center, and I thank myself internally when I see that I’m alone. He isn’t here yet. I go toward the fountain, and sip on the fresh water pouring through as I wait for him to arrive.

I walk onto the platform, and begin to stretch softly, knowing that I’ll love the open range of motion it’ll give me when I’m fighting against Four. He doesn’t train me easily, not like he started throughout our first session. I’ve landed on my spine so many times, albeit softly. He isn’t unnecessarily rough, but he is rough enough to get his lesson through. 

I have my arm in front of me as I do a stretch when I hear the unmistakable latch of the front door. I peer over my shoulder and see the set of his face; cold.

He isn’t happy.

I carefully watch as he steps onto the platform and before I can register it I’m blurting out, “Nice night?”, with the intention of lightening the atmosphere.

His expression doesn’t change, and he doesn’t even meet my eye when he curtly says, “For some”.

This has my eyes widening slightly, as I’m a bit stunned. His body language is telling me that, unfortunately, he was not as fortunate. He’s tense, and his fists are clenched so tightly that the veins on his forearms are prominent. I put my arm down from my stretch and tilt my head, as I mutter to myself, “Okay, then”.

My attention snaps to him when I hear him say in an almost dull tone, “You look exhausted”. I frown wondering why he would point that out, but regardless I respond reluctantly, “We went to Uriah’s dormitory last night”.

All I get in response is an indifferent, “We?”. He’s not even looking at me, which confuses me. He’s untying his laces in order to get into position. Why is he being so adamant on evading me?

I shift from one foot to the other, ease in my voice, “Yep. Uriah, Will, Christina, Marlene, and Lynn. We were.. just learning how to play a card game”. It’s silly to not be honest about this but I don’t know if telling your initiation instructor that you got obliterated the night before is appropriate.

He meets my eye. Finally, but he’s looking at me without amusement as he fires in response, “Guzzling alcohol must be synonymous with learning a card game”.

I’m astounded by how affected he is at learning that his initiates are drinking. It’s entirely normal, but it’s not like I’m going to advertise it too. I furrow my eyebrow at the bite in his tone and feel irritation bubbling within me.

“How do you know what we were doing?”, I respond indignantly.

I watch as his shoulders tense, and it would have been entirely unrecognizable if not for the fact that I’m constantly observing him. I can’t help it, I want to understand him. How he thinks, what he’s feeling, and it goes beyond attraction. There’s a magnetic pull that I feel when I’m with him. 

He’s seamless in his response, “It isn’t exactly difficult to figure out. You're pale and dehydrated”.

I tilt my head and slightly narrow my vision, “There’s no way for you to know that I’m dehydrated, Four”. I’ve caught him; he’s a liar. I stare at him intently as I analyze his carefully crafted expression. I think about last night, attempting to recall a memory that could help me decipher how he’s in the loop of what I did in Uriah’s dormitory. 

And I do. 

It was Zeke. He came to Uriah’s dormitory to tell him about a family dinner.. and in return he helped us all consume as much water as possible. And he forced us all to swallow an Acetaminophen Tablet to prevent the headache that all of us would surely have the following morning.

He must’ve told Four when he left. I don’t know how, or when, but it’s the only possibility that I can think of. Zeke and Four have a friendship and because of that Four is going to hear about Uriah’s antics. Zeke likely mentioned to Four that his entire group of initiates is going to be fucking hungover for the session today.

He isn’t entirely wrong.

Four doesn’t react, simply getting into position and motioning for me to replicate it. But I don’t. I glance at the clock and read the time as 4:54, muttering, “It’s not 5 o'clock yet. We have time”. 

–––

Four’s Point of View

I narrow my gaze at her and try to prevent my body language from giving away just how much irritation is coursing through me.

I’ve felt this gnawing sense of discomfort fill me since the moment Zeke entered my apartment last night, divulging how Uriah and three of my initiates are getting “hammered” in his dormitory.

It isn’t the alcohol that has me tensing my shoulders, or narrowing my gaze at her, it's the disturbing thought that she was with him. I’ve noticed how close they’ve become.. they eat together, I see them in the pit together, and apparently Zeke placed her to sleep beside Uriah last night as well. Granted there were two extra people on the mattress with them.

In spite of the fact that logically, I’m aware nothing could have occurred, there’s a persistent ache of discomfort in my chest that I can’t identify properly. This can’t be jealousy. I can’t like her.

And yet, when I flick my gaze to her, and locate the determination in her eyes to find out what I’m hiding, I find my throat going dry in appeal. 

“I didn’t agree to having a conversation with you, I agreed to train you so that you can improve your fighting” I respond curtly.

There’s a flicker of hurt that catches on her expression and it immediately has me wanting to retract my response. But I don’t, because I can’t. If I tell her the truth, about what I know, I’ll have to explain why I’ve reacted the way that I have. And that will open a conversation that can’t be opened until she isn’t my initiate. Until I can tell her how I feel without putting her in a position where she might feel obligated to return my affection.

It isn’t fair to her. And if I’m going to pursue this.. It has to be done correctly.

So I persist, “Position yourself”.

But she doesn’t. She’s hesitating, and it frustrates me. She grits out in irritation, “Tell me how you know what we were doing”.

I’m almost stunned by the way she’s spoken to me. Y/N has always maintained that line of respect even through the telling of a joke, or when we’re in a session. But now she’s wary, and she’s considering the truth as a possibility; that I like her. 

The thought that Y/N might discover my affection for her has reverted me to the default personality that I’ve adopted since the moment that I chose this faction; cold. I cannot let her figure it out before she’s designated an official member.

I pause, tilting my head in an almost sadistic way as I stalk toward her as intimidatingly as I can. My demeanor is insulting, and I’m aware that the next thing I say may ruin the small connection that we’ve developed. But what choice do I have?

“I advise that you learn how to address your superior. I only agreed to this to help you learn how to fight. If you aren’t going to comply, then get out”, his tone is menacingly calm, but there is an undercurrent of condescension. He’s speaking to her in a manner that would resemble a conversation he’s having with an imbecile.

And it’s enough to hurt her feelings. He sees the flicker of emotion on her face before she decidedly takes a step away from him. 

Her expression is masked, a glimpse of nothing. “Fine”, she mutters, voice indifferent. Her expression is blank when she glances away from him. And it’s blank as she laces her shoes. And when I hear the latch of the steel entryway, I groan as I come to terms with the fact that I’ve only pushed her further into the arm’s of Uriah, and directly away from me. She’s going to hate me. I watched the hurt consume her, and then I watched her mask it with the ease only a person from Abnegation can adopt. I wonder if she’ll come back tomorrow.

[imtryingbuck]

A Mother’s Endless Love.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC!Theo

Summary: Bucky has to marry a woman who surprises him more and more as their story goes along.

Word count: 1,687

Warnings: angst. swearing. death. talks of affairs. talks of past rape and being charged for it.

Masterlist   Series Masterlist

The maid who answered the door looked absolutely terrified, her whole body flinched as they heard something smashing - Bucky could also hear loud voices coming from inside - the woman opened the door even wider and lets him in, she scurries away further in the large mansion and out of sight leaving Bucky on his own in the foyer.

Following the sound of raised voices coming from the living room, he stands by the doorway watching the scene in front of him. A satisfied smirk pulls at his lips. Eliza stands there with tears running down her face, her hands shaking as she begs Michael to calm down. He can’t help but wonder how many times Theo did the exact same thing, he wonders how many times Eliza let up and let her go. That makes his smirk drop.

“You paid two million to put a hit out on MY daughter!” Michaels face was bright red, his voice was low as he spoke. And if looks could kill… well Eliza would have been six feet under already.

“Actually it was five million.” Bucky corrected, both of their heads snapping towards him. He gives them a tight lipped smile.

“You what?”

“Yep. Five million for three men to shoot my wife, your daughter.”

Bucky had seen plenty of men angry before. Of course he had. But even when the anger was directed at him - and nine out of ten times it was - Bucky had never seen pure, all consuming anger before. He could practically see Michael’s blood bubbling from under the surface.

Michael says something that Bucky couldn’t quite understand before he turns to face his wife, he asked her if it was true.

“I-I-I did it for us Mike she was in the way! I needed her gone. Please let’s just forget about all this nonsense, she survived didn’t she? What’s the harm?”

“That’s all I needed to hear.” Eliza’s whole body sags with relief whilst Bucky looks at him as if he had three heads on his shoulders. “I’ll see you soon.” He says before pulling his gun out, Eliza’s face pales and as she opens her mouth Michael pulls the trigger. Michael doesn’t even spare her a second glance as he walks past Bucky and goes to his office.

Pouring whiskey into two tumblers, Michael downed his before re-pouring. “I didn’t know until today, I had my suspicions but I thought if I got Theo out of the house Eliza would leave her alone. I was wrong.”

“How did you find out?”

“I overheard her talking to someone, it took ages for her to tell me the truth. I noticed that money had gone missing.” A dry chuckle falls from his lips as he shook his head. “She paid for my own daughter to be killed with my own money.”

Bucky nodded slowly, taking a gulp of his drink. “She should have had you killed. You know since you made her raise your affair child.”

“Believe it or not James in the twenty five years of marriage I never betrayed my wife. Not once. I found out Eliza was having an affair, I was devastated as expected, nine months later she gives birth to Matt. A few years go by and I meet this woman, it was never meant to happen but it did and James I don’t regret it, not one second. Jessica told me she was pregnant and I was over the moon, I was already planning on leaving Eliza because of after nearly thirty years I realised that what me and her had wasn’t love. I truly loved Jessica then Eliza found out about Jess three months after Theo was born, I went to the apartment that I had with Jess and” sinking further into the cushion and taking a deep breath, he continues. “and I found Jess bleeding with Theo in her arms, Eliza had shot her. She came out of the bathroom, we argued then she gave me the ultimatum save Jess or our baby”

Bucky’s heart sinks, he knows who Michael chose, and for a split second he feels for the man sat in front of him “Jess begged me to choose Theo, Eliza shot her in her heart whilst she was still holding our baby girl in her arms, she walked over to me whilst I watched my love die and kissed me on the cheek and told me she’ll be waiting for me at home” Both men just sit there and let the silence coat the air like a blanket.

After awhile Bucky sat further up “Why did you save Theo just to torture her all her life?“

“They were mainly done by Eliza and the girls, Bran would occasionally hurt her too. Matt never did, poor boy would try and protect her but it just made Eliza more mad. Every time I see her all I see is Jess and what I lost.”

“Did you even care? Care that your daughter who was born out of your affair was being beaten and raped by-“

“What do you mean raped?” Cutting the younger man off.

“You didn’t know? Your wife and daughters would charge men to rape Theo. Your sons in law were also charged”. Shrugging it off like it’s nothing even though it pains him to talk about what happened to his wife this way. He just doesn’t believe that Michael wasn’t aware of this.

Michael was known for many things but crying was not one of them, so when his burst out in a fit of tears Bucky struggled to sit still. “I-I didn’t know! Fuck! I swear James I didn’t know” Once again the room goes quiet, Bucky realises that the man sat in front of him truly didn’t know about what was happening to Theo. But that didn’t excuse his part in her pain and suffering.

Before Bucky can say anything Michael continues “I know what’s going to happen next and listen son I’m not going to try and stop you, just look after my little girl please and-“ standing up he walks over to the his desk, opening up a draw he fiddled with something Bucky couldn’t see “can you give Theo this please? It’s all I have of Jess. I had to hide this one from Eliza”

Handing over a silver thin photo frame, the photo inside is of a young beautiful woman smiling brightly at first glance he thinks it’s Theo. The similarities between his wife and her mom are so striking. The same smile, the same bright blue eyes, the same dimpled right cheek, the same twinkle in their eyes. 

Finding himself lost in the photograph of his mother in law, he wonders how much Theo is like her. He wonders if they had the same laugh, or if their voices were similar, did Theo get her love for painting from her mom? He wonders how close they would have been, would they have the same relationship as his own sister and mom had, where they were close and Theo could openly talk about everything and anything with no judgments? Even through a now old photo he can feel the warmth she no doubted gave off, he feels the sense of security and love in her eyes. His heart cracks as he knows what happens to the beautiful woman who looks so much like his wife. He feels sorry for this woman, murdered for loving the wrong man, the chance of seeing her only child grow up and become her own person was taken away from her without a second thought, punished all because she loved a man that wasn’t faithful to his wife. 

But yet he couldn’t help the feeling of anger trickle into his blood at the woman, she should have left Michael when he wouldn’t leave Eliza and then Theo would have grown up completely differently, a life full of love and not pain, a life without knowing how it feels to have her skin being broken and ripped apart. His heart clenches at the thought of Theo having a completely different upbringing, he knows their paths would have never crossed, he knows that he would of never felt true love if this woman staring back at him from the photograph, had just left.

“James, Theo’s original birth certificate is behind the photo and I know I’m already asking a lot from you but, but could you tell Theo I’m sorry for everything I did wrong to her and tell her I love her please?”

Bucky’s voice fails him so all he does is nod. Michael lets a small smile reach his aged face as he sits down at his desk where he pulls out a file “In here is my will. Everything is being left to Theo and you. It’s the least I can do. Please give her this too.” Michael takes out a necklace from his breast pocket, a heart shaped locket dangling from it. Sitting upright and straightening his tie “I’m ready now son”

Bucky pulls out his gun, finding himself glancing at the photograph and pulling it towards his heart - a way of protecting the woman who resembles his wife of not having to witness what he’s about to do. “This is for Theo and Jess”

Then a deafening bang goes off but he doesn’t flinch.

Sitting in the car with Steve to his left he holds the photo frame carefully and shows him what he’s looking at. “It’s Theo’s mom.” He smiles sadly.

“They look so much alike.” Steve gives him a sad smile too.

Bucky puts the frame down on his lap gently and takes out the locket, he opens it up and instantly smiles. On one side is a photo of Jess, and on the other is a baby photo of Theo.

Engraved on the outside of the heart shaped locket reads. ‘A Mothers Endless Love.’

“Vis take me home, please.”

Everyone in the car knows that he doesn’t mean the house that they live in, no he means Theo.

Theo’s his home.

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Tags: @sapphirebarnes @bellabarnes1378 @unaxv @skulliecadaver-blog @mrsnikstan @sebastians-love @pattiemac1 @julvrs @undf-stuff @violetwinterwidow01 @cjand10 @angrykitsune01

[shadeysprings]

Rebound - Part II

—DBF!Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Your night of wallowing in your misery takes a different turn when your dad’s best friend bumps into you at the bar. 

Warnings: noncon/dubcon undertones, oral sex with fingers at play, unprotected sex, age gap (around 20-25 years), kinda SoftDark!Joel but also nah, gaslighting & predatory vibes. Use the warnings wisely and tread carefully.

A/N: Some warnings have been added. I hope you took the time to read it. Don't forget to stay hydrated, babies! Also, SPRING IS FINALLY HERE!

Your feedback and reblogs are highly appreciated. Support Content Creators! And of course, I hope y’all enjoy!❤️

— Previous Chapter

You’re tipsy; swaying, giggling, and smiling like a fool as you stagger out of the bar with Joel just a few steps behind.

The night indeed turned a new leaf when he suddenly appeared—one where you expected to be full of misery and sadness spun into one filled with silly stories of Joel’s childhood and the shenanigans he did with your dad back when they were in university. 

The effects of the alcohol slightly ebb away as the cool air of the late evening, or the early morning—you couldn’t really tell, brushes against your heated skin. You never once thought that Joel could show you such a good time with the gruff exterior he constantly shows off, but he did and it was something you found to be entirely interesting. 

Still, you never doubted the ease of his company, with the both of you always gravitating to one another during the times your dad would host a barbeque back home, or when Joel would be invited over for dinner or a day to watch sports. That even if he was there for your dad, it was you he’d always end up striking conversations with, talking of anything that either of you would come up with.

Pulling out your phone from your purse, you blink slowly and squint as the bright screen glares back at you. Your thumbs tap through the array of apps and you pick the one you need to call yourself a ride home. 

“You’re not drunk texting that weasel of an ex of yours, are you?” Joel asks, warmth surrounding you when he stands close, feeling his hand casually rest over your hip. “You’re too good for that, baby.”

“I’m just ordering an Uber.” you slur, playfully rolling your eyes before giggling and showing him the screen. “It’s late and I have things to sort out and possibly throw away tomorrow.”

“Ordering—” he sputters, “Nonsense. You’re riding with me.” He taps his fingers against your side and gives you a gentle nudge. “I have my truck with me. You like taking rides on it, don’t you?”

The blink of headlights takes your attention and you face the direction of where it came from, seeing the vehicle in question parked at the side of the bar. He’s not wrong, you always preferred Joel’s truck over your dad’s beat-up one. 

“Oh, but I wouldn’t want to impose,” you utter as coherently as possible. “Besides, I might be out of your way.”

“It doesn’t matter.” he chuckles and takes your phone from your hand before slipping it back into your purse and leading you to his truck. “C’mon—I won’t take no for an answer.”

Hank Williams croons softly in the background as you watch the scenery of the night playing through the windows. The lights coming from the lamp posts and the surrounding establishments illuminate the inside of the vehicle and paint patterns on your skin.

The storm surrounding you since you woke up has completely vanished, happiness from the consumed liquor and Joel’s company taking its place and you couldn’t be more pleased with it—a much-needed breather from the stress of a failed relationship.

You startle when the windows suddenly roll down, looking at Joel in utter curiosity then smiling when you see the wide grin painted on his face. The rough winds blow against your cheeks, giving you clarity, and the impulse to scream outside fills you that you grip the handle of the door and lean your head towards the open air. 

“Go on—” You hear Joel say above the eolian din. “I know you want to.”

A giggle leaves your lips and you push further, sticking your head out the window. Taking a deep breath, you let out the loudest whoop you could muster, laughing when Joel joins you, earning weird stares from the passersby down the road. 

You must have looked like an idiot but you didn’t care. You felt free and no one could tell you otherwise.

You watch Joel as he pads around your living room and you wait in the kitchen for the coffee to finish dripping in the pot. You can’t help but notice how comfortable he is in such a small space, with his jacket sitting idly on the arm of the couch and the top two buttons of his shirt undone.

A cup of coffee is the least you could offer him after he paid for your tab and gave you a ride home. Even when the alcohol didn’t seem to affect him as much as it did you, you insisted on the small gesture and having him fully sober up before he drove back to his place. It would also help placate your mind to know he got home safely.

He walks with ease, with surety, as he observes the litter of frames that house photos of your parents and your friends back in university—a smile present on his face. But said smile soon falters when he stops and stares at one frame, in particular, sitting by the low table by the couch, and takes it in his hand, his lips turning into a scowl.

“Is this him?” he asks and you already know who he’s talking about. 

Quickly, you scurry to where he stands, keeping your steps light so as not to trip for being sluggish, and peek at his hands, a frown forming on your lips when the picture catches your eye. It was the day Alex first said that he loves you, solidifying your relationship and turning a new and happy chapter in your life—at least you thought so. 

“I’ll have to take that out in the morning,” you say and move to take it from him. 

But he pulls it out of your reach and flips it in his hand, taking the photo from the holder himself. He stares at it with serious eyes, placing the frame back in its place before folding the picture in the middle, your eyes widening in shock when he rips it in half and crumples it up, stowing the pieces into his back pocket. 

“There,” he says with finality, the smile returning in his eyes. “Now you don’t have to.”

The seemingly rough gesture takes you by surprise but you don’t question him about it. For one, you know he’s looking out for you as one close family friend would, and two, it saves you from reeling back to the happy moments you once shared with the person you now call your ex. And you’re entirely unsure if you would even be able to push through with purging all the memories that surround you that fast. 

You turn to face the kitchen when the beep of the coffee maker echoes through the walls, Joel trailing after you as you make your way to the counter.

“Just black, right?” you ask upon opening the cupboard to take some mugs. 

“A little sugar this time, baby.” he responds, his voice closer behind you. “I’m actually craving something sweet.”

You nod your acknowledgment and switch off the machine, pouring a generous amount of the liquid caffeine into the cups. But as soon as you finish, you stiffen when you feel Joel stand too close, his chest pressing against your back while his hand rests on the edge of the counter with the other finding your hip.

“J-Joel?”

“You don’t have to be alone, y’know?” he mumbles against your ear, your body shivering when you feel the bristles of his beard brush against your shirt. “Why cry over some boy who showed you no love? Who didn’t worship the ground you walked on when you can have a man who will do all that and more.” he breathes, a whimper leaving your lips when he presses his nose against the crook of your neck. ��When you can have me.”

His words insight fear within your core and you try to pull away from his hold. But you wince when he tightens his hand on your hip, fingers digging into the fabric of your jeans then loosen all the same only for him to run them around to your front and push you further against him. 

“Joel—” you whimper. “Y-you’re scaring me.”

“You don’t have to be scared of me, baby.” he groans, expert fingers undoing the clasp in a swift motion and you grasp his wrist, fighting him off when he slips his hand through your jeans and into your panties. “It’s just me.”

You struggle against him, striving to pry his hand away and stop it from delving further. But such attempts are fruitful as you feel your cunt fluttering against his fingertips when he grazes them through your folds. 

You’re suddenly hyper-aware of your surroundings, the dregs of alcohol completely leaving your system as you look around to see what you can use to fend him off. 

It’s when your eyes dart over to the steaming coffee cups and you immediately reach for one with the intent of burning the both of you and escaping his devious goal. But he catches on to you quickly and traps your hands with his arm, causing you to drop it to the floor with a loud crash. A yelp of pain retching from your throat when the burning liquid scalds the soles of your feet. 

“Shit!” he hisses, pulling away from you fast. “Clumsy, girl.” You think your plan, though botched, worked. But it doesn’t deter him as you expected and he hauls you off the floor and over his shoulder, thrashing against him as he walks out of the kitchen and through the main room, easily finding his way to your bedroom. 

“Let me go, Joel! Fucking let me go!” You shout and he does, setting you down on the mattress with ease. Once you’re free from his clutches, you charge at him and dismiss the stinging pain of your feet, hands clenched into fists, and begin beating down on his chest. Yet he doesn’t so much as flinch, effortlessly wrapping an arm around you and pressing you roughly against his chest. 

You keep struggling, clawing at him to release you but your movements halt all at once, your spine going rigid, standing shocked when the back of his hand cracks against your cheek, your head snapping to the side.

Your eyes widen, tears threatening to spill as you’re filled with disbelief. He hit you—something you never envisage him to do. You cup your cheek, feeling it pulse in pain and you flinch when his hand takes its place instead, cradling your cheek and then making you look up at him. 

The same expression swims in his hazel eyes, but it fades just as fast as it came and his demeanor flips over once more. 

“Look what you did.” He tuts while he caresses your face. “You made me hit you.”

You blink, uncertain of what’s happening, confusion circling in your head as to what Joel is doing and how he’s acting. 

Slowly, he guides you back onto the bed and you follow as dread grips tightly on your chest. Once you’re seated, he kneels down in front of you, rough fingers tickling your thigh and down to your legs before he holds your foot aloft and wincing when he presses the pad of his thumb against your tender sole.

“Hurts, huh?” he hums before looking up at you. “Are you going to be good and stay still? Let me treat this? Or do I have to get angry again?” 

The words dripping from his lips are sweet like honey yet laced with something dangerous that you agree with reluctance, flinching when he presses a light kiss on your ankle before standing and walking out of the bedroom. 

I no longer keep a tag list but if you want to be kept updated on my fics, follow my side blog @springlibrary and turn on notifications.

[schrodingerspsycho]

Maybe This Time - Part 1

Pairing - Van Palmer x Band Kid!Reader

Warnings - drug use (weed), blink-182

Word Count - 7.6k

Summary - Van falls for a band kid. What will it take for them to realize that you’ve fallen for them too?

Author’s Note - Merry Christmas everyone!🎄🎁🎅☃️❄️ (and happy holidays to everyone who celebrates other things!) I’m so glad I got this done in time, it ended up being a lot longer than I expected. Lots of fluff. No crash AU. They/them pronouns used for Van and reader, both are referred to as girls. And I can’t bear to write Tai and Van in the same story and not have them be together because they’re soulmates, so Taissa just doesn’t exist in this one. I also created a whole marching show for this and it was the most difficult scene I’ve ever written so please show this some love🙏

Help Palestine by clicking this link!🇵🇸

On the very first day of school, Van noticed you. You were in their English class and you were cute, far cuter than they remembered. But you were quiet and you sat in the row in front of them, so they never really got the chance to talk to you. Sure, they were loud and outgoing with their friends and their team, but they were much more reserved with people they didn’t know. Especially a girl that they liked.

It was easy enough to keep you off their mind for most of the semester. It wasn’t an all-consuming crush or anything, just a reason for them to love a class they’d never been very good at. That was until the few weeks after fall break when soccer practice overlapped with marching band rehearsal.

Coach Martinez always likened the distant sounds of the band to a stand-in for the crowd cheering and claimed it was good to practice ignoring outside distractions. It bothered some of the other girls, but Van always liked listening to them while the team had the ball on the other side of the field during scrimmages. Then one day as they were heading toward the locker rooms after practice, they heard a laugh from the direction of the band room. It was loud and melodic, and when they saw you smiling with your friends, their heart skipped a beat. Screw soccer; they already won nationals last year. Their new goal was to be the one who made you laugh like that.

“What are you looking at?” Natalie asked, coming up behind them. Van didn’t even realize they’d stopped walking.

“That girl’s in my English class,” they answered, pointing. “I didn’t know they were in the band.”

“Oh yeah, Y/N. They play the trombone, I think.”

“Wait, you know them?” Van asked, sounding a little too excited. Thankfully, Nat pretended not to notice.

“Yeah, they’re friends with Kevyn. I’ve smoked weed with them a few times. They’re cool but kinda nerdy. Kinda like you.” Nat gave them a knowing smirk, and Van turned away to hide their blush. “C’mon, let’s go. Jackie’ll have a conniption if we’re late for the post-practice meeting.”

Van nodded and followed her into the locker room, but they barely heard a word of Jackie’s speech. They couldn’t stop thinking about you. And as much as they hated having crushes, the butterflies in their stomach weren’t as painful as they’d been in the past. Maybe with you, things could actually go their way this time. You knowing Nat certainly seemed like a good sign. It was like Lottie said, Van decided. There’s no such thing as false hope.

Van Palmer sat one row behind and two seats to the left of you in English class. You’d been going to the same school for four years now, but this was the first class you’d had together. You couldn’t help but hope that you’d be able to get to know them better, but the way your heart pounded every time you walked into the room made it impossible to even say hi to them. You’d had a huge crush on them ever since last year when you and Kevyn went to see his friend Natalie play in the state championship game. That’s when the beautiful redheaded goalie caught your eye, and you’d been dreaming about them ever since.

Luckily, you didn’t have to talk to them on your own. After three months of less-than-stellar class discussions, your teacher decided to let you pair off into groups to talk about the latest reading assignment. You took a deep breath as your classmates shuffled around you, but before you could even get up from your chair, Van was standing beside you.

“Hey, Y/N, do you want to work together?” they asked, wringing their hands nervously.

“Yeah, sure,” you nodded. They returned your smile and slid into the chair next to you, its usual occupant now giggling with his friends in the back row. “So, what did you think of Frankenstein?”

“It was the scariest book about parenting I’ve ever read,” they quipped. You snorted, and their eyes shone as a proud grin spread across their face.

“That’s one way to describe it,” you smiled. “So who do you think was the villain, Frankenstein or his monster?”

“Oh, Victor was the villain, no question,” they declared. “To create life only to abandon it when you know its existence is cursed? C’mon, he’s literally the definition of a mad scientist.”

“Yeah, but the monster did some pretty fucked up things too. I mean, he killed a kid.”

“And that was horrible, obviously. But I think the real question is whether his circumstances made him evil or if the darkness was inside him all along. And then if it was inside him the whole time, then isn’t it really Victor’s fault for creating him in the first place?”

“That’s a really good way of looking at it,” you said, and they glanced down at the floor. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

Van shrugged. “I really liked this book. I don’t know, something about it just clicked with me.”

“Well, then you can speak for both of us when Ms. Fite comes over because I’ve got nothing,” you chuckled.

They smirked. “Yeah, alright. I think I can do that.”

Despite the rest of the conversation flowing naturally with you trading jokes as you discussed the book, you didn’t talk to Van much after that. But they did smile and wave at you every day when you walked into class, so you considered that a win. And you noticed that they were speaking up more in class discussions, which you knew had to be a coincidence. But they were really smart, and it brought a smile to your face every time you heard them speak. You were starting to feel like Frankenstein’s monster, with your perfect girl just out of reach, unable to make them yours.

“Hey, does anyone want to go to the movies with me Friday night?” Natalie asked as the team got changed after practice a week later. “I’ve been wanting to see Bound.”

“Ooh, I’ve been wanting to see that too!” Lottie exclaimed, getting up to stand at Nat’s side.

“Jackie? Shauna? What about you? I heard you talking about it a few practices ago.”

“I wish we could, but Shauna and I are gonna go see Jeff play in the football game,” Jackie smiled, winking at Shauna.

“But the football team sucks,” Mari said with a look of disgust.

“Yeah, but it’s kinda fun to watch them play like shit,” Shauna smirked.

“It’s very fun to watch them play like shit. And us national champs get in free!” Jackie grinned.

“Can I come to the movies?” Misty asked eagerly, bouncing over from the equipment closet. Lottie scoffed, but Nat turned around slowly and looked her up and down.

“Sure,” she said, and it was clear Misty was trying hard to contain her excitement. She was practically vibrating. “Meet us by the field after school.”

“Okay! I can’t wait!” Misty beamed, skipping away. Lottie raised an eyebrow at Nat.

“Oh, fuck off,” she defended, smirking. “She’s awkward, but she’s harmless.”

“Yeah, be nice to her. She’s a great manager,” Laura Lee chimed in, and Jackie gave her an approving nod.

Lottie, Shauna, and Mari rolled their eyes, and Van chuckled. They were too preoccupied with thoughts of you to join in on the teasing like they usually did, but they’d been listening to every word.

“What about you, Palmer?” Nat asked, walking up to them as she grabbed her bag. “You wanna come see Bound with us? It seems like your kinda movie.”

“It is. That’s why I saw it opening weekend,” Van replied. Nat nodded.

“Alright, suit yourself,” she said, slamming her locker door shut. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See ya,” Van smiled as Nat followed Lottie out of the locker room. Then when the conversation died down, they walked over to where Jackie and Shauna were giggling together, their hands stuffed into their back pockets. “Hey, can I come with you guys to the game on Friday?”

“The football game?” Jackie asked in disbelief. “Since when does Van Palmer have any interest in football?”

“I don’t. I just wanna get out of the house,” they shrugged, glancing at the floor. It was believable enough. None of their teammates knew any of the details, but they knew their mom was a bitch. “I mean, if we get in free, then it seems like a pretty good way to pass the time.”

“Sure,” Shauna smiled. “I can give you a ride, too.”

“Thanks.”

“Great!” Jackie exclaimed, reaching out and squeezing Van’s hand. “This is going to be so fun!”

Van nodded in agreement and turned back to their locker. It would be fun, but not for the reason Jackie thought. They just had to make sure they didn’t find out that they only wanted to watch you march.

By the time Friday rolled around, Van still hadn’t worked up the courage to talk to you again. You did smile and wave back at them every time you walked into class though, so they considered that a win. But Van could never be satisfied with small victories. They were a national soccer champion, after all. They hoped that stepping into your world would give them something to talk to you about. Then maybe they’d be closer to winning the prize they were really after.

Van didn’t have to wait long before Shauna pulled up, with Jackie calling out to them excitedly from the passenger side. They greeted them with a smile as they climbed into the backseat, and Jackie turned to look at them as Shauna sped away.

“So, are you excited for the game?”

“Excited to see our team get their asses handed to them, more like,” Shauna said. Van laughed.

“Well, now I am.”

“Oh, you’re gonna love it. They’re awful,” Jackie sneered. Before Van could respond, Shauna reached out and switched the tape to Nevermind. Jackie whipped around to glare at her playfully. “Hey!”

“Sorry, were you listening to that?”

“Yeah, I was, actually.”

“Well, too bad. Van likes Nirvana, and so do I. You’re outvoted.”

Jackie scoffed, pretending to be offended, and Shauna grinned. “You didn’t even ask Van. Maybe they should get to choose the music.”

“No, I like listening to you two bicker like an old married couple,” Van deadpanned, which sent all three girls into a fit of laughter.

“See, this is why we really go to the football games,” Shauna said, glancing at Van in the rearview mirror. Jackie nodded.

“Oh, for sure. It’s never about the boys.”

Van chuckled and turned to stare out the window. If only they knew, they thought to themself with a smile. If only they knew.

They arrived at the game just as the band was marching around the track. And although it took more effort than they would like to admit, Van managed not to look for you as they followed Jackie and Shauna into the bleachers. They would have plenty of time to admire you when you performed at halftime. That was when the band played, wasn’t it?

“Why are those seats empty?” Van asked, pointing to the section next to them. They were in the student section, which was far less populated than it was for their games, right next to the stairs and a few rows from the top.

“That’s where the band sits,” Jackie explained. Van’s eyes widened. They sat down and started bouncing their leg, trying not to picture you sitting just a few feet away from them. Luckily, they were distracted when the band began to take the field. Oh, right, there was a pregame.

“So why did you really want to come to the game?” Jackie asked, leaning forward to peer at Van.

“What?”

“Oh, come on. We all know you’ve never wanted to see a football game before. There’s gotta be a reason,” Jackie smirked, and Van stared at the ground. “Do you like one of the guys on the football team?”

Van made a face.

“Leave them alone, Jackie,” Shauna said. She was sitting between them, and Van was suddenly very grateful for the small buffer she provided.

“I’m just asking! You don’t have to tell us who it is, Van. But I can tell there’s someone you were hoping to see.”

“I don’t like any of the football players,” Van said, repulsion evident on their face. But before any of them could say anything else, the band began to play the fight song. Van turned to watch, smiling unconsciously when they spotted you in the front row.

“Oh my god, wait! Do you like one of the guys in the band?” Jackie exclaimed. Van felt their face heating up. “No way, you totally do! What instrument does he play?”

“I don’t like any guys,” Van defended weakly.

“Oh, come on! Your face is as red as your hair, I know you’re lying. Just tell us about him! We can keep a secret!”

“Jackie, just drop it,” Shauna growled. “They don’t have to tell you anything.”

“Jeez, we’re just talking about boys,” Jackie said. Van shifted uncomfortably, and Shauna gave them an apologetic glance. “Y’know, if you tell me who it is, I might be able to give you some advice on how to woo him. I mean, this is so exciting! You’ve never liked a guy before!”

Van scoffed.

“I don’t think they want to talk about boys,” Shauna said pointedly, but Van missed her inflection and Jackie’s response. The band had begun filing into the stands and they sat up to watch, their eyes never leaving you. Their heart beat faster the closer you got until you finally found your seat, right next to the stairs and one row in front of Van. You started when you locked eyes, a shy grin spreading across your face, and Van beamed and waved at you. You waved back before turning to hear what your director was saying, and Van let out a shaky sigh.

“Holy shit! You like that girl, don’t you?” Jackie practically yelled in surprise.

“Shut up!” Van hissed, whipping around to glare at her. “What the fuck, Jackie?”

“I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly, much quieter this time. “I just didn’t know you were a lesbian.”

Van put their head in their hands and groaned.

“We won’t tell anyone,” Shauna said softly, patting Van’s back. “Right, Jackie?”

“Of course not! And we totally support you. I-I was just surprised- which now that I think about it, I probably shouldn’t be. It actually makes a lot of sense.”

“Seriously?”

“No, it’s fine,” Van sighed, giving Shauna a grateful glance. “I don’t really care about people knowing. I mean, don’t tell anyone, please, but it’s fine if you guys know. I just… don’t want Y/N to know that I like them.”

“Why not?” Jackie asked, her voice genuine. “If you like them, then you should ask them out.”

“I can’t just ask them out, I barely know them.”

“You did come to a football game just to see them play in the band,” Shauna remarked. “And they smiled at you. That seems pretty friendly to me.”

“They’re cute,” Jackie grinned. “Do you wanna tell us about them?”

“Well, they’re in my English class, and we did an assignment together last week. They’re really funny, and sweet, and… beautiful- god, I don’t know! This is stupid!”

“It’s not stupid,” Jackie chuckled.

“You’ve never talked about a crush before, have you?” Shauna asked warmly. Van shook their head.

“Before today, the only person who knew I was a lesbian was Nat, and that’s not really her thing,” they sighed. “And it’s not like I’ve ever done anything about a crush before anyway. It’s different for me! Before I can even ask if they might like me, I have to figure out if they like girls! And spoiler alert, most of the time, they don’t.”

“But you don’t know that. You just need to talk to them and ask. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“No offense, Jackie, but I don’t think you know the first thing about homophobia.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Jackie admitted. “But I do know about flirting. And Y/N has been staring at you for, like, five minutes.”

Van’s eyes widened as they fought the urge to turn around. “What? Really?”

“Totally. They’re trying to be subtle, but they’re not very good at it.”

Van grinned in spite of themself. “What do I do?”

“Smile back at them!” Jackie encouraged. “You’ve gotta let them know you’re interested.”

“Okay,” Van nodded, trying to swallow their nerves. They turned around slowly to find that you were indeed staring at them. They gave a little wave when they met your eyes, and you nearly missed when your director called your instruments up. “Oh, shit! I distracted them!” Van groaned. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s fine! They’re still playing, aren’t they?” Jackie said, louder now over the sound of Eye of the Tiger. If they weren’t so embarrassed, Van would’ve marveled at how great you sounded.

“And their ears turned red,” Shauna whispered, leaning over and pointing. “You should at least talk to them as a friend. Y’know, get to know them. That’s probably the best way to find out if they like girls.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right,” Van conceded.

Jackie clapped her hands excitedly. “Yay! And you have to tell us how it goes, okay? I want to know all the details about you and your soon-to-be-girlfriend!”

“Fine,” Van smiled, rolling their eyes. “But neither one of you is allowed to talk during halftime. That’s when they perform.”

“Yeah, okay,” Shauna smirked while Jackie buried her head in her shoulder to hide her laughter. “We’ll be quiet.”

Van knew for a fact that Shauna and Jackie had never been quiet in their lives, but they just shook their head and kept their mouth shut. Luckily, the conversation shifted to other topics, and Van started to feel relaxed. And when the buzzer finally rang at the end of the first half, all their nerves had been replaced by eager anticipation.

Well, most of their nerves.

“And now, please welcome to the field your 1996 Wiskayok High School Marching Yellowjackets!” the announcer boomed. Someone slapped Van’s shoulder. They didn’t see if it was Jackie or Shauna, but they didn’t really care. All of their attention was focused on you. “This year’s performance is a tribute to the greatest spy in movie history. Please enjoy Bond, James Bond.”

“No way,” Van breathed as the first note rang out through the stadium. You were playing the 007 theme. It sounded exactly like it did in the movies! And Van should know, they’d seen all seventeen of them.

But just when they thought they couldn’t be more impressed, they noticed what formation the band was marching into. They had started out in lines like they were for the parade, but as they went along, parts of the band would break off and play in place, the squares forming five dots across the field. Just like the beginning of the gun barrel sequence.

“Holy shit,” Van whispered, scooting up to the edge of their seat. And if Jackie and Shauna were laughing at them, they didn’t notice. They watched with rapt attention as the band played, the sound filling the entire stadium. Then everyone began marching again, all moving in different directions at different gaits. How anyone could remember where to go was completely beyond Van as they gazed in wonder at the picture you were creating. The dot in the middle of the field had morphed into a circle, and everyone else formed eight curved lines spiraling away from it. Now they were the gun barrel! And when you all moved in sync across the field to move the gun barrel to the left, Van considered their mind officially blown. Then the drums made a sound like a gunshot, and they all began to trickle down to the front of the field, starting from the top. Just like the blood, they folded together until they were in one big row on the sideline. And when you played the final note, Van leapt to their feet and cheered.

“Oh my god, you’re so whipped,” Jackie laughed.

“Shut up,” Van said, still smiling. “I mean, come on! Tell me that wasn’t the coolest thing you’ve ever seen!”

“It was cool,” Shauna agreed. “But Jackie’s right. You’re totally whipped.”

“Alright, well, fuck both of you,” Van retorted, sitting back down as the announcer’s voice filled the stadium once more.

“The Wiskayok Marching Yellowjackets will now perform their second movement, “Nobody Does It Better” from the 1977 film The Spy Who Loved Me, featuring trombone soloist Y/N L/N!”

“Oh, shit, that’s them!” Van cried. The band all ran to stand in an arc, but you stayed on the sideline, front and center. Van fought the urge to leap to their feet again.

“Looks like your girl’s a rock star,” Jackie smirked.

“Hell yeah they are,” Van grinned. “I have great taste.”

The band started playing, and Van could hear Carly Simon’s voice in their head. It was incredible how the music could be played on a completely different set of instruments and still sound the same. And when you began to play your solo, the notes ringing out clear and beautiful through the microphone, Van couldn’t help but quietly sing along.

“But like heaven above me

The spy who loved me

Is keeping all my secrets safe tonight”

“In 1973, “Live and Let Die” earned the Bond series its first music-related Oscar nomination for best original song, performed by Paul McCartney and Wings,” the announcer explained when the second song ended. “And now, the Marching Yellowjackets will close out their performance with their version of this chart-topping hit, arranged by our very own Director Frank Jones!”

“Wait, “arranged”? What does that mean?” Jackie asked. Van wouldn’t have been able to answer; they were clueless about music too. But they didn’t hear her, because once again, they were too busy watching you. You had run back to stand with the other trombone players in the arc, and they could tell you were smiling even from the stands.

Once again your performance sounded exactly like it did in the movie. Even Jackie and Shauna were singing along this time. And before Van even realized “Live and Let Die” had ended, the band was playing the 007 theme and moving again. And when you played the final note, you formed the 007 logo in the center of the field. They leapt to their feet again, cheering even louder than before, and they only sat down when the band started making their way back to the stands.

“Woo! Way to go, band!” Jackie shouted once you were in earshot. “You guys were great!”

“What are you doing?” Van hissed.

“I’m just showing my appreciation for our music department,” Jackie shrugged coyly while Shauna snickered. “Do something, they’re looking at you!”

Van blushed and turned to find you smiling at them. They grinned back and flashed you a thumbs-up, which you returned with a chuckle.

“Aren’t you glad I’m here to be your wingwoman?” Jackie smirked.

“Yes,” Van sighed reluctantly, rolling their eyes. “But I will set you on fire if you do anything like that again. That was mortifying.”

“Oh, bite me,” she said sarcastically, a smug grin on her face. “Without me, I bet you wouldn’t even be able to say hi to them.”

“Well, maybe I like pining from the shadows.”

“Again, you came to the football game just to watch them march. That’s not very ‘from the shadows’ of you.”

“Shut up, Shauna,” Van laughed, nudging her.

The football team lost sixty-five to three, apparently their worst game all season. But Van couldn’t care less. They were on cloud nine for the whole second half, the world seeming to stop every time you turned around and grinned at them. They were barely able to pay attention to Jackie and Shauna’s playful bickering as they left the stadium.

“Van, look, there they are!” Jackie exclaimed, pointing subtly to where you were walking through the parking lot with your friends.

“You should go talk to them,” Shauna encouraged with a warm smile.

“No, I… I can’t do that,” Van stuttered, all their nerves returning at once. “They’re busy, I don’t want to bother them.”

“C’mon, they’re not doing anything!” Jackie said exasperatedly. “Just say hi, it’s not that hard! Go on, go!” She pushed Van toward you, but they just stood there, trying and failing to not stare at you.

“I just don’t wanna mess this up,” Van murmured.

“You’re not gonna mess it up,” Shauna said gently. “Just talk to them as a friend, remember? You got this.”

Van stepped forward hesitantly, biting their lip. Then a gust of wind knocked a feather out of your plume and blew it into Van’s left cheek. “Yeah, I can’t do this,” they gasped, turning back quickly.

“Yes, you can! There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Shauna said, but Van just hugged their chest tightly and shook their head.

“Look, either do it or don’t, but can you make a decision, please? It’s freezing out here,” Jackie complained. Shauna gave her a side-eye.

“It’s okay, Van. You’ll get another chance on Monday, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess,” they sighed. You were moving farther and farther away, but their anxiety kept them rooted to the spot. So much for their usual cocksure attitude; they couldn’t even say hi to a girl they liked.

They climbed into Shauna’s car and pressed their forehead against the window, watching you walk up to the band door and feeling sorry for themself. Then you made eye contact with them, your beautiful smile shining on your face. Van waved, but you disappeared into the band room like they weren’t there at all. I knew it. They never like girls, Van thought bitterly, putting their head in their hands. Or maybe they just don’t like me.

“They just waved at me again!” you exclaimed once the door had shut behind you.

“Oh my god, when?” Your two best friends ran up to you, grinning eagerly.

“Just now! They were leaving in their friend’s car, I just saw them!”

“Did you wave back?”

“No, I… I freaked out. I froze.”

“Oh, come on!” Lauren cried.

“You’ve been flirting with them the whole game, how could you drop the ball now?” Liv slapped you in the arm playfully.

“I didn’t mean to!” you groaned. “Trust me, no one’s more disappointed in me than I am.”

“I don’t know, I’m pretty invested in your love life,” Liv quipped.

“Do you really think Van likes me?”

“Of course they like you!” Lauren smiled. “You saw how they were looking at you, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Then you’ve gotta talk to them!” Liv insisted. “On Monday, in class. It’s the perfect time to make your move!”

“My move? What’s my move? I don’t have moves!”

“Just talk to them,” Lauren said. “The moves will come to you in the moment. All you gotta do is be yourself.”

“Yeah, Van would have to be a real idiot if they didn’t want you,” Liv chimed in. You smiled.

“Thanks, guys. I’ll try to talk to them on Monday.”

“Don’t try, just do it!” Liv smirked.

“We believe in you!” Lauren grinned. You rolled your eyes. It was a lot easier for them to say. They weren’t the ones who risked getting rejected by the most beautiful girl in school.

Despite your friends’ encouragement, neither one of you made an effort to talk to each other on Monday. Van still smiled and waved at you, and you returned the gesture like always, but that was as far as you had the guts to take it. Van tried not to let it sour their mood at practice that afternoon.

“Hey, how was Bound?” they asked when Nat and Lottie walked in.

“It was great,” Lottie answered. “It was what happened afterward that was a nightmare.”

“What do you mean?”

“Misty! She went fucking berserk on this old lady, it was crazy!”

“Some housewife was saying some homophobic shit after the movie,” Nat explained.

“And now, Misty’s banned from the theater,” Lottie huffed before walking away. Van raised an eyebrow at Nat.

“She was possessed!” she grinned with an adoring look in her eyes. “I was wrong, man. She’s definitely not harmless.”

Van scoffed. “Maybe I should’ve gone with you after all.”

“Naw, I bet you had fun at the football game,” Nat smirked, nudging them. Van looked away as she leaned in. “Did you enjoy the band’s performance?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, yeah? Then I’m sure you have no idea why Jackie and Shauna keep glancing over here either, do you?”

Van groaned.

“Did you tell them or did they find out?” Nat asked softly.

“They found out.”

“And are you good?”

Van smiled at her. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

“Good,” Nat nodded. Then she winked. “You should totally ask Y/N out, by the way.”

“Fuck you,” Van chuckled.

“It’s not me you should be fucking,” Nat teased. Van gaped at her as she scurried away, laughing. Van just shook their head and got changed for practice, avoiding Jackie and Shauna’s piercing gaze. If anything could get you off their mind, it was soccer.

It worked for a while. It was their best practice so far this season; they didn’t let a single ball get past them. But the respite was short-lived. Their thoughts of you returned the moment Coach Martinez blew the whistle at the end of practice, and so did their sour mood. And it only grew as the week went on and the idea of talking to you became more and more impossible. Luckily, Nat noticed Van’s pain and offered them the perfect solution.

“Hey,” Van greeted as they approached the spot behind the dumpsters where Nat had instructed them to meet. “Thanks again for hooking me up.”

“No problem,” Nat smiled. “Happy to help.”

Van nodded, ignoring Nat’s uncharacteristic cheeriness, and handed over the small wad of cash. Nat pocketed the money, and after glancing around to make sure no one was looking, handed Van a small bag of weed.

“I think you’re really gonna like this stuff,” she said with a wink.

“Thanks,” Van smiled, eyeing the weed hungrily. Then they heard footsteps behind them and they snapped their head up to stare fearfully at Nat.

“Don’t worry, it’s cool,” Nat said. And before Van could react, someone else had walked into their little hiding spot.

“Sorry I’m late,” a familiar voice said. “My trig teacher was being a bitch again and held us after the bell.”

“No problem,” Nat grinned. “I was just finishing up another sale. Have you, uh, met my teammate?”

“No, I don’t think I- Van.”

Van had finally turned around, and they were now face to face with their worst nightmare. Or their dream come true, depending on what happens next. “Hey, Y/N.”

“So you have met,” Nat said, breaking the silence after a few moments. “I figured, I’ve got two people buying from the same batch, why not do it at the same time?” She gave Van a knowing grin, and Van fought the urge to throttle her.

“Uh, yeah, that’s uh… smart,” you said. Then you handed her the money and she gave you a bag just like Van’s. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Nat replied. “Now, I’ve gotta run, but it would be better if you two could wait a minute before you leave. Y’know, make this look less like a drug deal.”

“Yeah, sure. We can do that,” you nodded, avoiding Van’s eyes. “Thanks again.”

“See ya around, Y/N. Van, you’ll have to tell me how you like it at practice next week.”

Van watched her go, and then they were left alone with you. The only sound was the pounding of their heart, and they prayed you couldn’t hear it.

“So, uh… how have you been?” you asked nervously.

“Good. You?”

“Good.”

“I saw you at the football game last week. Your show was really great.”

“Thanks,” you smiled. “I’m glad you got to see it.”

“It was so cool how you did the gun barrel sequence. And your solo sounded amazing!” Van gushed. “It was just like the movies! If I’d known that marching band was so cool, I would’ve gone to a football game a lot sooner.”

You blushed, and Van’s anxiety skyrocketed. They hadn’t meant to say that. Now they’d really messed up.

“I’m glad you liked it,” you breathed.

“I, uh, I have to go,” Van announced, clearing their throat loudly. “I have to catch the bus.”

“But the school buses have already left.”

“No, the city bus,” Van explained. “The nearest stop is a mile away, so I need to start walking.” They turned and left the spot behind the dumpsters, but you stopped them before they could get any farther.

“I could give you a ride,” you called. Van turned back around slowly. “If you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Totally. I mean, I’ve got a car and nowhere to be. It’s not a limo or anything, but it’s better than the city bus.”

Now Van was the one who was blushing. “Yeah, that sounds great,” they grinned shyly.

“Perfect,” you beamed, pulling your key out of your pocket. “Right this way, m’lady.”

Van giggled and followed your lead. Maybe they really did have a chance this time.

“You can throw your backpack in the backseat,” you said as you climbed into the car. “And you can pick some music, my tapes are in the glovebox.”

Van nodded, placing their backpack at their feet and opening the glovebox. They were expecting to find two or three tapes, maybe four, but you had nearly a dozen stacked in there. “Woah!” they exclaimed, glancing between you and the tapes. “How do you have so many tapes? Are you, like, rich or something?”

“No, I’m not rich,” you chuckled. “My aunt owns the record store downtown. I get a discount on all the music I want, and they gave me a bunch of their old tapes from the seventies. David Bowie, Queen, the Ramones, stuff like that.”

“No way, I love Queen and Bowie!” Van cried.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah! I went as the Aladdin Sane album cover for Halloween a few years ago!”

“You did? That’s awesome!”

“Well, I already have the red hair,” Van joked. You laughed. “I love that record store, it’s so cool that your aunt owns it.”

“We’ll have to go there together sometime. I bet I can get you a discount too.”

“Yeah, that would be fun,” Van said softly, turning back to look through the tapes. They slid David Bowie’s Let’s Dance into the tape deck as you pulled out of the parking lot. You began tapping out the rhythm of “Modern Love” on your steering wheel, and Van joined you on air guitar. When the chorus came on you belted it out, both of you singing off-key. Everything felt so natural that Van almost forgot about being anxious.

“Do you usually buy from Nat?” you asked them.

“Yeah. I don’t smoke a lot of weed, but when I do I get it from her. I think everyone on the team does, it’s just easier. What about you?”

“I usually buy from Kevyn, actually. But he sent me to Nat this time. I guess he doesn’t have anything to sell right now or something.”

“Huh. Yeah, something like that,” Van muttered.

“Do you ever smoke with your teammates?”

“Sometimes I’ll smoke with Nat and Lottie, but most of the time I smoke alone. I usually have to smoke it right after I buy it since I can’t keep it at my house.”

“Can’t let your parents find it, huh? My folks are the same way. Couple’a hardasses,” you smirked.

“No, my mom will steal it and smoke it herself,” Van said humorlessly.

“Oh.” You sat in silence for a moment, not quite comfortable but not as awkward as before. “Do you have to be home by a certain time?”

“No,” Van shook their head. “Why?”

“Well, if you don’t want to go home yet, I was thinking we could head to the park a few blocks over. Maybe this time we don’t have to smoke alone.”

“Yeah, I’d really like that,” Van beamed. You returned their eager expression and changed course, turning the music up. Van couldn’t believe their luck.

“Why don’t you guys play at our soccer games?” Van asked while you were rolling your joints.

“We can’t march on the soccer field. We need the yard lines to figure out where we’re going,” you explained. “But we play at basketball games, and we don’t march at those. Y’know, I’m actually not sure.”

“I wish you did play at our games,” Van mused. “That would be so cool.”

“Yeah, it would be fun. I guess I’ll just have to go to them on my own. I can get some of the other trombones to come too. We’ll sing for you.”

Van chuckled. “I bet we’d be undefeated again this year if you did that.”

“Naw, you don’t need our help with that. I saw you playing at states last year. I don’t know anything about soccer, and even I could tell that you guys are amazing.”

“You saw us play at states?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said quietly after a beat, nearly dropping your joint as you tried to light it. “Oh, hey, the album ended.”

“Yeah, it did.”

“Here, let me play you something,” you said, reaching past them for the glovebox. “My cousin visited us from California last summer, and he introduced me to this awesome new band down there. They’re called blink-182.” You pulled out a tape that said Cheshire Cat and put it in and a punk rock guitar riff filled the car. “I think you’ll like them. They don’t take anything seriously.”

“Rude,” Van scoffed, taking a hit and blowing the smoke out the window. “I’m taking that as a compliment.”

You continued talking and laughing together as you got high, the weed and conversation relaxing you both. And by the time you got to the end of your joints, you were discussing one of your many shared interests; Star Trek.

“Riker’s actually the reason I started playing trombone,” you said proudly. “The best instrument for the best character.”

“You think Riker’s the best character?” Van repeated, trying to hide their disappointment. “Most girls have a crush on Picard.”

“What? No, I don’t have a crush on Riker,” you insisted, shaking your head. “He’s my favorite character for sure, but I don’t have a crush on him.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, he’s definitely not the character I have a crush on,” you breathed.

“Then who do you have a crush on?” Van asked quietly, unconsciously leaning in. You mirrored them.

“Doctor Crusher,” you answered. “I love how caring she is. And she has such a cute smile… beautiful red hair…”

“You… you like girls?”

You froze. “Um, yeah, I, uh… I do.” You shifted uncomfortably. “You don’t have, like, a problem with that or anything-”

“No, I don’t,” Van said quickly. “I like girls too.”

“You do?” you whispered, leaning in again.

“Yeah, I do.”

And then Van closed the gap. Your lips were chapped, and the smell of weed was almost suffocating, but they never wanted this moment to end. They chased after you clumsily and you cupped their left cheek, deepening the kiss. Then, just when they started thinking the kiss could lead to something more, they caught one of the lyrics in the song.

“I’m so sorry, what is this song about?” Van asked incredulously. You cringed.

“It’s, uh… it’s about a woman who accidentally sleeps with her estranged father.”

“Yeah, okay, that’s what I thought,” they said before bursting into a fit of laughter. You let out a nervous chuckle.

“It’s one of their joke songs,” you explained as you turned off the music. “If I’d known we were going to be doing this I would’ve picked a different album.”

“No, no, it’s hilarious. Now I’m never going to forget our first kiss.”

“First?” You raised an eyebrow. Van just shrugged and smiled at you, their face flushing a beautiful shade of pink. “Wow,” you breathed, and Van saw the desire they’d been feeling reflected in your eyes.

“Yeah, would you, uh… wanna go out with me sometime?” they asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that? Y’know, since I’m the one with the car?” you smirked. They grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

“Perfect,” Van said before pouncing on you again. You gripped their hips as they leaned over the gear shift, quickly regaining control and kissing them passionately. Van melted at your touch. “Hey, we’re pretty good at this,” they quipped, maneuvering to sit in your lap.

“Hell yeah we are,” you grinned.

By the time you took Van home, it was already getting dark. And over the next few days, the piece of paper with Van’s messily scrawled phone number got more use than your trombone. You agreed that the best kind of first date was dinner and a movie, and you decided to go and see Wes Craven’s new horror movie Scream. Its opening night lined up with your last day of school before winter break, and you both had a major crush on Drew Barrymore, so it was the perfect fit.

When the day came, you were both nervous wrecks in English class. And not because of your final; although you both probably should’ve studied harder for it. But this was it. Before you’d just been talking, and kissing when you got the chance. But a real date. That made it official. You would be girlfriends.

After deliberating for longer than you would like to admit, you pulled on your favorite button-up shirt and your trusty leather jacket. Then you checked your appearance in the mirror one last time and headed to Van’s house, your heart racing the whole way. You arrived a few minutes early and waited anxiously out front. Van had asked you not to go to the door, but you were starting to feel like you were in the wrong place.

“Hey, Y/N!” Van called excitedly, opening the passenger door and pulling you from your thoughts.

“Hey, Van,” you smiled. They were wearing a denim jacket over one of their rugby shirts. It wasn’t terribly different from what they normally wore, but it was Van. You’d never seen anything more beautiful. “You ready to go?”

Van nodded eagerly. “I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”

You leaned over and placed a quick kiss on their lips. “Me too.”

“Then let’s go already,” they laughed. You drove away and they slid Queen’s Greatest Hits album into the tape deck. You both sang along at the top of your lungs until you reached the cheap Italian place by the theater.

As much as you wanted to hold hands as you walked in, you knew you had to pretend like this wasn’t a date. Neither one of you wanted it to get out that you were lesbians. Too much trouble could come from that. But thankfully the server sat you at the corner table, so you were able to enjoy some modicum of privacy. Still, being together in public was a lot more nerve-wracking than stealing kisses in the janitor’s closet between classes.

“What are you going to get?” you asked as you looked over the menu.

“Spaghetti and meatballs. Easily the best type of pasta,” Van smirked.

“My thoughts exactly.”

“Maybe we should share. That way we can do the thing from Lady and the Tramp.”

You laughed, loud and melodic, and Van beamed. “And which one am I?”

“The tramp, obviously. Have you ever seen a more sophisticated lady than myself?” Van said with an exaggerated posh accent. You laughed again.

“If you want me to be a tramp for you, just say so,” you whispered. Van giggled.

“Only if you’re the one paying.”

“I was already planning to,” you smiled.

“You’re too good to me,” they grinned, blushing. You winked.

It was the best meal you’d had in months, and Van would’ve said the same. And the food was good, sure. But it was the company that put this meal above the rest. Being with Van made you happier than you could’ve imagined, and it was only the first date! You were already looking forward to all the memories you knew you would make together. And they would never tell you, but Van was doing the same.

Wes Craven’s Scream was the perfect end to the night. The perfect mix of horror, comedy, mystery, and more movie references than Van makes in a day. Neither one of you was scared of Ghostface, of course, but you held hands anyway. On the way home you forwent the music in favor of discussing the queer undertones of Billy and Stu’s relationship and arguing over who was hotter; Sidney or Gale. And when you dropped Van off you sealed the night with a kiss, a soft, lingering kiss that promised many more to come.

“I’m really glad we did this,” you sighed dreamily as they left the car.

“Yeah, I can’t wait for our next date. Girlfriend.”

You grinned and waved goodbye, already missing them. You were thinking about calling them before they even reached the house. Maybe things are finally starting to look up, you thought as you drove away. Maybe this time we’ll get to be happy.

[erii-ya]

‘If it’s you….’ Part 2

Killer x FemReader

Part 1

Content Warning: Violence, mentions of blood, bloodshed, death, void of emotions, killing

WC: 1,149

A/N: One Piece is the beautiful creation of the genius Eiichiro Oda-sensei. It has heavy *spoilers* for the Wano Arc since the context revolves around Udon Prison. Please remember that the flow of the story is just a fantasy in my head, and English is not my mother tongue.

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Hitokiri Kamazo, a criminal who worked under Orochi, assassinates people the Shogun deems punishable. His wanted posters were everywhere, especially at the Flower Capital. People were made aware to take extra caution at night when he’s lurking around any corner—a ruthless killer who finds joy in bloodshed. At least, that’s what the rumors said. Little did you know that the criminal would turn out to be someone you know. A person dear to you. Your thing of obsession.

Killer wails while laughing hysterically. He didn’t answer Kid, but tears streamed down his face uncontrollably. You’re even sure you saw him peek in your direction, but it happened too fast you couldn’t catch his gaze.

“What?! He’s the guy with the mask that was always with Jaggy?!” Luffy exclaimed. Oh yeah, you’re with your captain. You got so invested in what’s happening that you forgot your current situation.

Old man Hyogoro moved closer to you and Luffy, “You know him?” he asked no one in particular. Without skipping a beat, you said, “Yeah.” glancing over to the old man. “As you may already know, the redhead is also a captain of another pirate crew like Luffy, and the blonde guy…” musing back to Killer, “is his vice-captain.” You choked a bit on the last part. It felt like your throat ran dry. To be honest, a looming headache grows by the minute the longer you watch. You’re too confused, in rage, and keeping these intense emotions at bay is torturing you. It makes you wonder how you can still stay calm and collected when all the fibers in your body are screaming murder.

“Jaggy possibly tried to save him and their crew,” Luffy concluded. ‘Well, obviously.’

Eustass Kid may be known as a vicious pirate, but he’s a compassionate captain to his crew. Not that you’ll see it in public, but you’re one of those people who knew, if not the only one. Kid will do anything to protect his people, especially since his crew was with him in his highs and lows.

Hyogoro shakes his head sympathetically. “How cruel.” he started. “He was forced to eat the SMILE fruit that takes away one’s emotions. Only to be given a mask of laughter that can never be taken off.”

After hearing that, you swiftly turn towards him. “…the hell do you mean?! What – What Smile fruit?! What is this ‘being devoid of emotion’ thing about?! Explain!!” With an intent look in your eyes, you literally growled at the old man.

A sudden silence filled the air, and you weren’t even aware. Everyone in the area who heard your outburst is now looking in your direction. Your reaction made the old man so taken aback that he was speechless. Probably because he wasn’t expecting you to react that way. You grab onto his shoulder, practically shaking him too hard while you insist he answer you. Even Eustass Kid and Killer, who made a scene a while ago, focused their eyes on your direction.

Standing tall in front of your group, Queen decided to intervene and answer you instead. “Let me do the honors for you, boy.” smiling devilishly. “SMILEs are artificially made devil fruits. It intends to grant the consumer the power of animal transformation, much like a Zoan-type Devil Fruit.”

‘Artificially made devil fruit? That was possible?’ you thought.

Still, he continued, “However, the success rate of achieving the desired outcome of gaining animal powers after consuming SMILE is only 10%, thus considering those who successfully did as ‘Gifters.’ The other 90% who ate a dud…” Queen points at Killer as though to make his point.

“I mean, it’s not that bad, yeah? He may not gain any powers, but he gained an everlasting HAPPINESS!” as if to add salt to injury, roaring with mocking laughter.

All the other beast pirates guffawed at the remark.

You remembered what you saw on the light-scroll snail earlier about the citizens who laughed at the person who was executed. “So you mean to say those people laughing at the dead earlier was…” you spoke, waiting for him to say the obvious.

“Uh-huh, they ate a dud, too. Orochi probably did it; how he did it is beyond me, as if I care.” It wasn’t apparent before, so you thought poorly about the citizens, who also turned out to be victims.

Now it’s all clear...

....and that was your last straw.

Forcing people to eat a defective devil fruit, voiding them with emotions but constant joy, and capturing innocent people for them to do hard labor in this prison. You thought you already saw the unthinkable.

In Punk Hazard~

In Dressrosa~

But it seems evil exists in any other country. Not only is it constant, but the level of evil only escalates from one country to another. The longer you and your crew journeyed, the more you realized how revolting the world is.

You had your share of a dark past, and your soul may be frying up good in hell, but at least you don’t pretend to be good.

The emotions you struggled to constrain are now raging more than ever.

Hands shaking, you clenched your fists.

Resisting is futile, and you know that.

Now, all you see is red, and you’re already raring to go.

You took a deep breath, exhaled sharply, and then snorted, followed by a boisterous laugh. You laughed so hard you’re tearing while clenching your tummy. Queen and his men were stunned at your action.

On the other hand, Luffy…

“No good. No good. No good.” He hurriedly reached out to grab you, "Y/N!!" but it was too late.

Your right fist jabbed Queen’s stomach, sending him flying to the other end of the arena, dragging some of his men who were caught on impact. The next thing happened after another, and most of the beast pirates went down one by one.

Blood splattered all over the place as you go on a rampage. Blinded by rage, you walk the path of destruction. With everything you’ve learned and heard, you let your emotions get the best of you.

Luckily, Luffy quickly evacuated the prisoners. He was wary that this might happen after you discover Kamazo's true identity and what had happened to him.

In fact, he felt the same way as you, though not as intense to the point of killing. But that was a part of who you are that Luffy accepted with open arms. Your captain is not one to judge people; he also knows how deeply you care about Killer.

In reality, it’s not only because you care about him but because your deep affection towards the man becomes an obsession.

No one messes with your Milý and gets away with it.

Alive.

You swear, in the name of all things holy and on your damned soul, you’ll make sure to sweep this place clean.

Colored in red.

Continued in Part 3...

[beloveddawn-blog]

Muppet (A Christmas Rescue)

I'm feeling a bit melancholy and sentimental due to my period so I wrote up the story of how my Gandparents ended up with the only dog they owned that was actually lap sized and absolutely useless for farm work. This was finished in an hour and has been slightly dramamtized due to the POV, but I like it. Names have been changed where applicable.

Warnings: animal abuse, mentions of trauma responses, death mentions, hypothermia

Words: 1500

COLD!

It was all she could feel, deep down in her bones. Deep down in her soul. An all consuming, leeching, damning cold.

But it was still better than Before.

It had been one moment of inattention, one moment of stupid courage, and she had run. Out the door, down the steps, and into the howling snow. Away. She could hear him, the worst one, screaming after her but unwilling to actually follow without being prepared for the biting Northern winter.

“Die out there, you stupid bitch!” He called after her, and she cowered even as she fled. “Good riddance!”

Perhaps she would. Perhaps all her life would boil down to suffering and death and never knowing why. Why was she so cursed, when others like her were so happy? Why was she hated, even as she was coveted?

Why was it always her?

*

There was nothing outside to eat. It was the deepest, darkest part of winter, and beyond that she had never been taught how to get her own food. What little she had been allowed had been grudgingly given by his hand. The pain in her stomach distracted her from the numbness in her feet, but it didn’t actually make her feel any better. A scent caught her attention then, one she was passingly familiar with. Food. Not the cold, hard stuff she was given, but rich and warm and meant for special occasions. She drifted towards it, finally having a goal in her bleak existence. Even if she never got there, at least there was a direction. It was more than she’d ever had to go on before. She would head towards it, and she’d either find it or die. It was out of her control now.

*

The sun set, and the cold settled in even harder.

She trudged on.

*

When she finally reached the house she thought her mind was playing tricks on her. It had been so long and all she’d had to follow was that maddening, hated, LOVED scent… And now she was here, at a place she’d never actually expected to find. She circled it warily, knowing all too well that those rough, masculine voices coming from the building meant nothing but pain for her if she was discovered. She was hoping to find either some trash or an open door she could slink through, but there was nothing. Nothing but that delicious smell wafting through the one cracked open window, whisked off to areas unknown and buoyed on the sounds of violence coming from within. She’d never heard so much yelling! Normally it was just one voice, just his, but this house had multiple yelling people!

She considered reaching out anyway, getting their attention and taking her chances, Before she had thought nothing could be worse than the pain and misery of her previous home… but she didn’t want to die. And she was. She was getting slower, her mind was getting slower, her voice didn’t work and her limbs just swatted uselessly at the walls, unable to even generate a sound.

There were some steps around the other side that lead up to a door. She couldn’t use it but there was shelter there, of a sort, tucked into the recess with the wooden slab. Some warm air leaked out around it and the house itself blocked the worst of the wind and snow.

She huddled up there, tucked into herself in as small a ball as she could manage, and waited.

Surely death would not take too long.

Surely.

*

There was a sudden blast of warm air and a jostle as the door swung open. Someone far too energetic tripped over her, just a little, but she couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped her. She was so cold that everything ached, and every little movement felt like burning needles jabbing in and leaving more cold behind.

“What the…?” Came a soft, young voice, and she gave a startled, wheezy yelp as she was picked up. “A dog?”

Suddenly they were in the house and moving way too fast and the young person was yelling and people were gathering…

“Dad! Dad! Dad! There was a dog outside! Dad, a dog!”

“It’s probably one of the neighbour’s is all. Grandma can call around and figure it out.”

“Are you sure that’s a dog? It looks like a pile of snow.”

“Of course it’s a dog, do you need even thicker glasses you…”

“ENOUGH.” Came the bellow that caused all the other voices to fall silent. Even the two males who had been fighting earlier and started up again as soon as she arrived cut off mid insult. “I have had it with your fighting! Make yourselves useful. You go get me your Grandpa’s clippers, and you go get me some lukewarm water. I’m not sure if this is a rat or a bush under this snow, but it’s not going to survive if it stays caked like this. We need to warm it up.” It was a gruff voice, with no trace of warmth to be found, but the hands that wrapped entirely around her body and lifted her away from her saviour were gentle, so very gentle. “Eileen, go get me a blanket. We’re going to get fur everywhere if we don’t have anything to catch it.”

He was softer then, but his voice still carried complete authority. That didn’t stop the girl who found her from whining at him.

“But Dad, why can’t Alan do it? I don’t wanna leave the dog, it’s scared!”

“Because Alan threw his boots on to go finish your chore, brat. It’s not like you brought in firewood.” There was a clatter of what was probably wood hitting the floor as a new voice joined in, this one full of good humour. “I’m gonna go grab some more. We’ll need it if we’re trying to warm up that puddle there. Put this away once you get that blanket for Dad. The best thing you can do for the dog now is help.”

The girl gumbled but obeyed, and she was suddenly left alone with the owner of that gruff, commanding voice. She shrunk back, wincing as he tugged futilely at the heavy snowpack mats in her hair. He gave up after a moment, seeming to notice he was doing more harm than good. “It’ll all have to come off, mutt.” He told her, carefully arranging her on the blanket his daughter had finally returned with. “We can’t warm you up with your fur in the way. Not fast enough, at any rate. Don’t worry, we’ll bring you home in the car.” His manner was brusque and reserved as his sons began returning with their own requested items, but the hands that slowly stripped her coat from her remained kind even as they firmed to prevent her from wiggling. She gave a half-hearted growl as he approached areas that she suddenly remembered had hurt even before the cold, but all he did was move slower and more carefully as he cataloged the extent of her injuries.

“It looks like a muppet.” The cheerful voice remarked as he helped the gruff one move her around. “Specifically Animal. I wonder if it can play the drums.”

“She.” Replied that no-nonsense voice as he carefully shaved her belly.

“I wonder if she can play the drums.” The cheerful one corrected, only to jostle her slightly when one of the argumentative ones smacked his shoulder and groaned.

“HEY!” The gruff one bit out, causing the three youngest to jump. “I’m using trimmers on a very skittish animal right now, stop roughhousing. If you can’t behave you can go be useful. Get some water and leftovers from your mother. Soak some bread in the turkey grease and bring some shredded meat back. We’re going to start her on the bread and if she can stomach that move on to the meat.”

The young man in question did as he was asked, chastised and repentant. Everything fell silent then, save for the whir of the clippers. It was the cheerful one who spoke up next, his voice oddly solemn.

“We’re not going to look for the owners, are we?”

The gruff one grunted and the eldest youth continued. “I can see her ribs, Dad. We’re not giving her back, right.”

The clippers stilled for a moment. “She’s more bruise than dog. Anyone who wants this little rat back can speak with my shotgun.”

The girl whooped with excitement. “I’m getting a dog!” She bragged to the others, and the cheerful youth laughed mockingly at her.

“Don’t be ridiculous Eileen, you’re twelve and you have a horse to take care of. You aren’t getting a rat-poodle rescue mutt, Dad is.”

The gruff one stilled for a moment, then gave her a soft scratch behind one shaved ear. “I suppose I am.” He replied, the gentleness in his hands bleeding into his voice for the first time. “I suppose I am.”

@coffeeangelinabox @stesierra @squarebracket-trickster @acertainmoshke @evilgabe29 @minnieposting @leahnardo-da-veggie @the-ellia-west @slimylittlemaggot

[timchalamet-devoted]

Paper Rings

As you probably guessed from the title, this was based on paper rings. I've found myself listening to it quite often recently, so I thought it was only right to write something inspired by it, especially since it reminded me of Timmy :)

Of course, I recommend listening to paper rings while reading!It's written from three different perspectives, but I labelled them to make it easier.

Summary: It's not as complicated as it seems when it comes to Timothée.

Pairing: reader x Timothée

Warings: implied smut

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Narrator's pov:

A Birthday invitation. Dinner with friends. A drink or two. It all happened so fast, and yet you wouldn't have it any other way.

The moon is high, like your friends were the night that we first met

A sparkly mini dress adorned your figure as you stepped into the bar, silver heels clicking against the floors. Your stride was purposeful, and your path was clear as you made your way through the crowd to the table tucked away in the far corner.

Sweaty bodies engulfed you, music pounding in your ears, couples entangled in one another at every other booth, and drinks consumed in such quantity, it was as if there was no tomorrow.

Eventually, your group of friends vame into sight, huddled together and evidently already drunk to the point of no return.

"Starting the party without me I see?"

Everyone's heads snapped towards you, several of your friends hopping up to give you a hug with wide grins.

"Hey, so glad you could make it!"

You let out a low chuckle, " of course, how could I not, the Birthday girl is finally 21 today!" You winked back at y/f/n.

"Oh, almost forgot, this is Timithée, the guy I told you about?" She said, nodding her head in his direction. Your eyes travelled to the boy, stunned by his beauty even in the horrid lighting of the bar. Dark coloured curls cascad wildly around his face, framing deep green eyes and a soft, kind smile.

You recalled what your friend's description of him, but you had to admit, the reality was far better.

You offered a polite nod and smile to the stranger, a gentle blush creeping up on your cheeks.

Timmy's pov:

I had heard stories of her in abundance before, but never did I expect her to be so stunning. It seemed as though no words could measure to the beauty she possessed, with locks of y/c hair that draped around her shoulders and y/c eyes that sparkled under the dim lights. From the moment I first laid eyes in her, I was mesmerised, unable to pull my attention away from her. Our eyes would meet through the course of the evening, sending my heart into a frenzy each time.

The more and more we drank, the bolder we became: exchanging smirks and glances, in due course sitting next to each other.

When our group came out of the club at 1:00, I was last to leave, watching her as she walked along the sidewalk, further and further away. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to stay by her side.

Your pov:

Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet, Now I've read all of the books beside your bed

My mind wouldn't leave the thought of Timothée. I smiled to myself, a warm feeling spreading through my body at the thought of him. It was so effortlessly easy to talk to him. I found myself losing all sense of reality as you exchanged experiences and thoughts.It was late, and yet sleep was now the last thing on my mind.

The minute I was through the door, I dropped my keys and kicked of my heels, rushing to my computer.

Into the early morning, I scrolled, looking through anything I could find on him. I was infatuated by this man, desperate to know more and more about him. I found myself slowly, falling for this stranger, and that was if I put it lightly. By the time the next day rolled around, I had probably read everything there was to know about him, every magnificent story he had to tell.

The wine is cold like the shoulder that I gave you in the street,

The next time I caught sight of him, I couldn't bare to look at him. He was brilliant in every way possible, leaving me feeling as though I won't possible be deserving of his love, nor will I ever have his love, so why torture myself with his friendly smiles? For it would only kill me further to see him and pretend to be fine, when I'm completely head over heels for him, than to simply ignore him altogether.

However, it wasn't nearly as easy I thought it would be: the feeling of seeing his face fall when I passed him on the street, having not returned his wave, but instead giving him a cold glance, was the equivalent of someone ripping my heart out of my chest and stomping on it until it were flat.

I felt awful after that day.

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool, when you jumped in first, I went in too. I'm with you, even if it makes me blue

All and any rational decisions that I was making before were out of the window. I no longer cared to spare myself the agony of being viewed as just a friend, as I was beyond desperate for any kind of relation to him. To make matters worse, when I was around him, I lost all sense of judgement, which ended up with me plunging after him into the ice-cold water of a pool on a winters day. Guess I was with him no matter what, even if it made me blue.

Five months after our first meeting, came my dream and my nightmare all at once.

Limbs entangled in each others, my hands in his chocolate curls, bodies flush against one anothers.

Kiss you once for every long night I spent thinking of you

Kiss you twice cause now it's gonna be alright

Kiss you three times cause I've waited for this my whole life!

Now I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings. Darling, you're the one I want

Only one thought cirlced my mind on repeat. I no longer cared about material things, for I would marry him with paper rings.

I hadn't caught the moment we went from friends to this, but it was an accident I wouldn't mind reliving. It happened so naturally, it was as if it was meant to be.

I wanted him there for all of it: I wanted to drive away with him, I wanted all his complications, and dreary Mondays, I wanted the paper rings and picture frames and for him to be the one I dream about at night.

I was infatuated with Timothée, but I was alright with that, as long as I could bear a matching paper ring.

[ryqoshay]

Putting on Hairs: Post Production - Entering Seinaru Mori

Primary Pairing: LanzShio Words: 543 Rating: T? AU: Angels, Vampires, Monsters Time Frame: Long before the main story Prompt: Tree Content Warning: Discussion of vampire and other monster stuff

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Author's Note: Bonus second entry for the 9th that I again forgot to post before my primary entry for the 10th

Summary: Lanzhu and Shioriko arrive at the Veil protecting Seinaru Mori

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“Halt.” An eerie voice commanded, seeming to come from both everywhere and nowhere. “Those who consume others for sustenance are not allowed within the Veil.”

Shioriko and Lanzhu had finally arrived at the edge of Seinaru Mori, a sacred forest at the base of Mt. Fuji. After an… eventful escape from the mainland, a strained voyage across the sea, and a labyrinthian hike through the woods, they simply wanted to rest and take refuge in the supernatural haven.

It had all been Lanzhu’s idea in an effort to hide and protect Shioriko, who was now a vampire, and thus among the least trusted types of monsters. Even in Japan, were many monsters lived peacefully in human society, vampires were often shunned. Unfortunately, it seemed little different here as well.

“That’s rich coming from a jinmenju.” Lanshu sneered.

The fruits on the three before the couple turned toward them, revealing their human-like faces.

“We are capable of obtaining nutrients from the decomposition of others.” The jinmenju stated. “Such is the nature of all plants.”

“Yes, but you…”

“Those parts of the legend have been greatly exaggerated.” The tree interrupted Lanzhu.

Unfortunately, Shioriko was unfamiliar with the jinmenju tree and was unable to contribute to either side.

“Let’s just find somewhere else to go.” Shioriko decided to say instead.

“No.” Lanzhu stated firmly. “Lanzhu said she would take Shioriko to Seinaru Mori, and that is what Lanzhu will do.”

Shioriko sighed.

“Those who consume others…” The jinmenju started to repeat.

“Shioriko will not consume anyone.” This time it was Lanzhu who interrupted.

“She is a vampire.”

“And she can survive on my blood.”

“That is…”

“Which I give willingly.”

“…”

“Shioriko will not drink from an unwilling host.”

“Is this true?” The heads turned toward Shioriko.

“…” Shioriko was about to answer in the affirmative when the memory of one host, the only human from whom she had ever drank, made her pause.

“I swear by my honor as an angel that she will never drink from an unwilling host.” Lanzhu asserted.

“We are asking her.” The jinmenju replied.

“I…” Shioriko swallowed. “I will not drink from an unwilling host.”

It was not a lie. She would never do so. Not again.

“We will consult with our fellow guardians of the Veil.” The tree said after moment.

Suddenly, a rapid series of pops, snaps, cracks and creaks filled the air. It took a moment for Shioriko to notice that the tree’s bark and branches were twisting and shifting in a manner to create the sounds.

Silence reigned in the forest for what felt like hours, but was likely mere minutes, unbroken even by the expected background chatter of local fauna. Even the wind stilled as if it too was awaiting a reply. Then, in the distance, from several directions, responding series of pops and snaps echoed through the area.

“An exception shall be made.” The tree intoned. “But know that you will be observed closely.”

“Hrmp.” Lanzhu uncrossed her arms and took her girlfriend's hand. “Let’s go Shioriko.”

“One last thing before you enter.”

A branch lowered before the pair, presenting many, sweet smelling fruits.

“Thou art unwise to tempt an angel, demon tree.”

The branch withdrew, allowing Lanzhu and Shioriko to enter Seinaru Mori.

---------

Author's Note Continued: Readers of my Promptober 2022 event collection may recall an EmmaKanaKarin entry that introduced Seinaru Mori into the AU. And one of the cryptids the trio encountered was a gashadokuro, a giant skeleton known to roam around at night and eat any humans it finds. Obviously the guardians and/or denizens of the sacred forest have relaxed their stance on who is or isn't allowed in the sanctum. Perhaps some future chapter I write may explore this change. Perhaps Lanzhu and Shioriko play a role in this change. As always, time will tell.

[avocadoguru]

Feedback time my beautiful masterminds ❤️❤️ i wanna start off by saying how perfect i thought this chapter was. No matter what you write or what direction you take the story or what choices you make with it, it always ends up perfect and beautiful because you guys are the ones writing it! And when someone is as good at writing as you are, it is quite literally impossible for it to not turn out good, no matter what some might «expect» or «wish» for (talking about the negative feedback i saw you talking about 🥺 im so sorry), it always turns out wonderful no matter what! I promise ❤️ Please dont let yourselves be discouraged by all that fuss that some people are saying (u deserve better my loves!).

Anyways, to the story 🫶🏻 The chapter started out so so so soft, with them sleeping next to eachother and him feeling the comfort of just her prescence and being able to relax in a totally new and unusal way for him! Such a beautiful detail by the way, the description of how his body felt more at ease than usual 🥺 and the first dirty scene, my gosh it was everything i could ever dream of !! Dirty AND beautiful !!

(So sorry that my feedback isnt in chronological order, my heads a mess haha) And the parts where Harry is so nervous and uneasy about taking her to Nialls place pretending its his, was so good because i felt like it gave us even more of an insight on his soft and more vulnerable moments, like the big, strong, powerful wolf suddenly feels anxious and restless about her thoughts on everything about «his» place and how he tries so hard to maintain this facade because in his mind, its a way to not lose her. So so beautiful and vulnerable and soft and cute and painful and just every emotion at once! All those emotions takes some extremely good writers to convey, which i am not at all surprised that you amazing writers are able to do in such a descriptive and well formulated way ❤️

And another soft moment for me, is when she made him dinner and he connected what he knew about what cooking «means» to humans, and how he thought that could mean that she was showing affection towards him in her human ways !! aw 🥺

And the second steamy scene….no words !!! I loved how much he was struggeling to keep his self control and how desperate he was as she sucked him off and just….my brain turned into the most positive form of absolute mush !!! 🌟 Him struggeling to, quite literally, not unleash the beast, leaves me so giggly but hot its hard to even describe !! 💗💗

And i also want to add that i thought the ending of this chapter was the PERFECT ending. Like, no complaints at ALL. I loved the way it leaves you wanting to just indulge yourself into the future chapter cuz of how much you want to see what happens next. Could not ask for a better ending !! It left me satisfied and excited for the next one <3 Just like stories and chapter should do! Right? 🙌 I feel bubbly just thinking about chapter 8 !!

I have so many more thoughts about every little detail in this, so many thoughts that i can’t even type them all, but just please please please know that i, and hopefully maaaany others too, notice all the little details you put in your work. When i read this story, i am so invested and captivated that i read every line as slow as possible, so that i can consume every last letter of art you write. I notice everything, and stop many times just to admire a single line or a single word or detail or idea og dialouge or storylines and characters and backstories and just everything. So just please know that your hardwork does not go unnoticed !! At least not by me ❤️

I am so sorry if this was obnoxiousely long and difficult or exhausting to read btw !! i just wanted to give some love and encouragement and appreciation to you beautiful people that i am so grateful for <3 have a beautiful day 💗

(@fkinavocado here) just wanna say that i first read mermaids instead of masterminds 😂i dunno which is more out there lol.

regarding the "negative feedback-" we never said it was negative. some people just choose to focus on the wrong things, and we can't understand why- some people insist on them having babies, pups etc- and it's odd to us, because we made it abundantly clear that it's physically impossible for them to procreate, being different species essentially. and we did so very early on- just to give everyone a heads up and have them decide if they wanna stick around or not. i get why this might be an important thing to some. and not to say that we are under any obligation to forewarn ppl about plot keys like this, but we thought it would be nice of us to do so, since we know it's a touchy subject for some. so yeah- it was disappointing to see people insist on this when we've made it clear that it won't be happening.

second, a lot of people put a lot of emphasis on "poor eddie"- which is fair, it was a cute/sad thing that he was moping for harry, but some only commented on that. which was a bit odd? like there were so many things happening in that 20k chapter and some literally just commented "poor eddie" at the end of it x_x lol

so, it was never that it was negative feedback. and we're not trying to tell people what to write us, either. we were just expressing our slight disappointment with what some ppl chose to leave as feedback (well, i was, on my own blog, but then it snowballed and oh well.)

anyway---- back to your lovely feedback ❤️❤️❤️❤️ i can't tell you how much it means to me and both of us to have you take the time and write all of this down. truly, it made our day when we saw it in our inbox, especially after we were feeling a bit disheartened after reading some of the others. and it's not to say we expect every bit of commentary to be this long and in depth- we appreciate that not everyone has a way with words etc. but just letting us know you enjoyed it is what we love to hear ❤️ we don't need the praise!!!!! we just wanna know you liked it 🥹

"please please please know that i, and hopefully maaaany others too, notice all the little details you put in your work. When i read this story, i am so invested and captivated that i read every line as slow as possible, so that i can consume every last letter of art you write. I notice everything, and stop many times just to admire a single line or a single word or detail or idea og dialouge or storylines and characters and backstories and just everything. So just please know that your hardwork does not go unnoticed !! At least not by me ❤️"- THIS BIT LITERALLY MELTED ME 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ literally, i could never express how much that means to me! thank you from the bottom of my heart lovely, and have an amazing day too 💋💋💋

[thearchivistsjournal]

Day 235,

Yeah, I needed that break.  Even now my wrist is still sore as I go to write this, but it’s better than I suspect it would have been otherwise.  Not really worth taking a detour back to the healing spring on our way back to the Village though.  Not that I think I could convince the others anyway after that last night there.

But on to more interesting things.

We’d already discussed the plan for the day yesterday evening (and included Iole in the discussion) so we were able to head out this morning without too much delay beyond my usual morning slowness.  (How happy I’ll be to have a real bed once more.)  Maiko was able to lead us to the structure with the other Reader statue without issue, although it was a longer trek than I expected.  Then again, this island is significantly larger than nearly all the others we’ve seen these past couple of weeks, maybe around half the size or so of the main island with the Village.  And we’d made the trek from near the western end of it to what I’m estimating is somewhere near the center.  There really wasn’t much in the way of a trail, so I was glad to have the pale ring back from Lin, although as we made our way I couldn’t help but wonder if she was regretting that decision.

As for the structure itself, I find myself wanting to call it a library, but there really isn’t enough left intact to say for sure.  When Maiko said before that it had been mostly consumed by the jungle, that may have been an understatement.  The roof of the place had completely collapsed long ago.  The outer walls remained only as scattered and fragmented sections.  Were the (book?)shelves not themselves made of stone and tall enough to stick out above the rubble, I doubt we would have ever known they were there.  And as tempting a project as it would be to try to clear some of the rubble away to see what’s buried beneath, most of it has long since been overgrown to the point that we’d have to tear away an interlocking webwork of roots and vines before we could even begin to start moving anything.

Even in that fallen state, the ruins were impressive to walk through.  While there may have been no walls remaining, go far enough in and you can find yourself unable to see the jungle’s trees, surrounded instead by still-towering shelves that have had their contents replaced by ferns, vines, and the nests of small animals that went scurrying and fluttering as we made our way toward the center.  And beneath our feet, the green-matted rubble rose and fell in uneven rolling hills, bringing us alternatingly closer and further from the uppermost reaches as if we were bobbing upon waves as we made our way forward and inward.

I can only imagine that there once must have been ladders of some sort spread throughout to reach the upper shelves.  Alas, if they ever existed they don’t anymore.  Instead, I made due with finding a spot where the rubble had made a passable slope up to the top of one of the shelves.

Wide enough to stand atop, the view from above the shelves gave me a better perspective on the awesome expanse of the ruin.  While there was no indication that there had ever been an upper story, the remaining shelves indicate that this place must have been at least two or three times the area of the cathedral.  Circular in overall layout, the shelves alternated between concentric rings of curved shelves and straight shelves aligned as if radiating outward from the center.  It made for a curiously inefficient use of space that lent a sense of growing claustrophobia the nearer one got to the center.  An effect that was exaggerated by the almost labyrinthian alignment of the gaps in the concentric shelves.  Or rather, lack of alignment.  Stand at the border between any two “layers” and you’ll be unable to see the way forward or back.  No straight or direct paths from outside to center.

Had I not had that early elevated view of the layout, I imagine our journey to the center would have been more disquieting than fascinating.  Maiko walking along the tops of the shelves to guide us certainly helped as well.  I would have worried about stability with her walking up there, but if any of these shelves were going to fall, they would have long before we got there.  Truth be told, if I had her strength to make the jumps between shelves, I would have done the same.  For a gut-wrenching moment back when we were climbing down from that one shelftop I thought that Cass was going to try to follow Maiko’s lead, but she turned back at the end of the row.  And gave me a look that let me know better than to say anything about it.

In a moment of morbid curiosity, I found myself speculating aloud on the condition of these ruins when compared to the cathedral.  Was the original construction of this place inherently less sturdy, leading to it deteriorating more quickly?  Or was it the trees intertwining with the walls and columns that kept the cathedral standing?  Or - and here’s the morbid part - was this a matter of disaster rather than neglect?  Was this place destroyed rather than eroded?  If we looked beneath the rubble, would we find the crushed skeletal remains of this place’s final patrons?

Cass dryly pointed out that any human remains would have been claimed by the shades by now.

I didn’t have much time to question how shades would be “claiming” bodies under mounds of rubble when doors and walls seem to block them, as we reached the center shortly thereafter.

Despite having had blue skies above our heads and the not-yet-noon sun at our backs the whole time to spare us the worst of the shadows, stepping into that central space (concourse? atrium? gallery?) felt like stepping outdoors.  Such was the contrast from traversing the stacks.  This shelfless, rubble-covered architectural focal point could have fit the entirety of the archive all on its own.

Instead it now held only the Reader.

Initially, I was surprised to see that the statue and its immediate surroundings were free of debris, until I remembered that Iole mentioned she had cleared the area herself decades ago, searching for a possible companion to her book or the box she found it in.  She never found anything else.

(I should ask her about that box, now that I think about it.  She’s mentioned it once or twice, but I still haven’t seen it myself.  I wonder what she did with it.)

Even with that rational explanation in mind, it was hard to shake the impression of the statue sitting in the middle of an impact crater, as if it had fallen from the heavens and blown everything else away upon landing.  Or perhaps, with those wings and the way the circle of  cleared debris crested at the top and sloped down inward covered by creeping plant growth, the imagery of a nest was more apt.

Nestled atop their plinth, book on knee, sun at their back but soon to be directly overhead, this Reader was certainly of a kind with the one in the cathedral.  (Or is “reader,” lowercase r now more appropriate with two of them?)  Of a kind, but not the same.  Still robed, hooded, winged, and reading, but the pose was more casual - one foot atop the plinth with knee sticking up and the other leg dangling down - and the face, while still androgynous, we all agreed was different enough to represent a different individual, even accounting for weathering.  And speaking of the weathering, while Maiko had said previously that this statue was “less detailed,” having seen it myself I suspect it’s more a matter of erosion from being directly exposed to the elements for who knows how long.  She was right though about it being slightly smaller

We spent the rest of the day out there, wandering the shelves, examining the statue, poking at interesting bits of rubble, taking notes, making sketches.  Anything that might give more solid indication to the nature of the place.  True, Iole had warned us that she’d spent years meticulously going down every shelf and aisle without turning up anything, so we hardly expected to make a breakthrough in an afternoon, but it was still an engaging activity.  

Also, we had something specific to keep an eye out for that Iole wouldn’t have: possible catacomb entrances.  We didn’t find any of course, but with the apparent similarities to the cathedral I couldn’t get the idea out of my head.  And with all that rubble, and the scattering of toppled shelves, there could be something buried still.  I almost wish it were the rainy season so we could see if this structure has the chanting too.

Maybe we’ll make a future trip back out here for that.  At the fuzzy border between seasons so it won’t be raining all the time.  Perhaps take Prsicilla’s island again so we don’t have to bail out boats in a downpour.

Wrist is sore again.  Stopping here for the night.

<==Previous          Next==>

[plesstandby]

holy sht Whiplash 5🌟

and it was directed by the same director of La La Land?? that makes sense. sorry help- I am legitimately struggling to form my words, so excuse me as I'm just using whatever reason and logical conclusion I can gather to cover up my utterly impressed backside because WHAT DID I JUST- NO WAY THEY WERE ABLE TO CAPTURE THAT

dear God. that was mindblowing. the film clearly depicted the self-destructing path towards attaining perfection. Visuals of the overflowing blood on Andrew Nielman's hands; veins popping from taut skin as Terrence Fletchley unleases another onslaught of swears; the sweaty and degenerative state of the drummers as they are being pushed to their limit; the slow melt of passion into all-consuming rage. that movie set a fire to my soul that I do not think I can extinguish. It is insane and unbelievable to me that such a movie exists.

ever since the "his eyes softened" trend, I could not stop noticing the delicate sensitivity and nuanced expressions of actors in films. It is almost as if I had been granted lenses to see the world more tenderly. The brief and very real flickers in their eyes evoking a humanity that can not else be replicated in a snap of a finger. The art of subtle acting, they call it. And oh how I am so in love with the intimacy of those last few scenes when Andrew and Terrence locked eyes, their gazes fiery with condemnation. they were unflinching as they dared each other in their silent duel to be better, to be one of the greats. it takes my breath away. there are layers upon layers of meaning in this movie, and if you strip away the extremisms and the nuances from the acting, there laid in all its glory is the stock of it -- this enthralling story that has been intuitively planned out. And it must be because as I have read in here that the director, Damien Chazelle, had gone into painstakingly detailing how each of the shots were going to go and he did that by hand-drawing 150 storyboards while chasing after deadlines. He was able to effectively story tell what I personally think is a very demanding and usually misrepresented narrative of a gifted loner whose fire for drumming gradually scorches him alive. I love how personal the director took the story. Like this is genuine storytelling. The uneventful and awkward blips transmitting echoes from a bigger story that is muddied with the strong and emerging characters from another plane of reality. This movie never fails to entrap the notion that there are multiple stories going on. By using the silence of the protagonist, they pull the audience into this disorienting sweet spot of being in your head while your body exists detachedly in an outside place in the world. This zoning out brought by the protagonist's want to be someplace else other than here was never pointed out in the story, but I felt that it was in these sceneswas the soft, vulnerable and hurt side to Nielman revealed. And it was that side of him that drew me closer and made me feel sympathetic for him. When he struggles to form conversation topics because his whole world is drumming and music so he hides behind a jaded and uncaring pretense to appear cool and still fitting societal norms. In that sense, I identify some parts of myself as like him because I more or less do the same thing. I zone out a concerning amount because I find myself wanting to work on my personal projects rather than, well, learn about polynomials? Then there is also my ambition and the self-sacrifices I make on my health to feed my creative obsessions, to reach my high expectations. All my free time and efforts I pour into my personal endeavors and whenever people don't cast as much as a glance on my ideas, my plans or even as me as a person, there is this burgeoning volatility that runs hot beneath my skin, waiting to burst. This I suppose is why I like listening to Eminem's alter-ego "Slim Shady" (I was just enjoying his Marshall Mathers EP earlier this morning). Whenever he lets his mouth run, a river of coarseness and horridness flows out and circles round my ears in a way that makes my heart flutter. I am so happy when people are themselves. And fury is an emotion that I do not emit often, but I'd imagine that if I cared less, womanly rage (with all its might and power) would radiate from each and every spur of my alighting body. I yearn for that full release. For rage to take over my body so that I may feel fluid with my punches and shouts. Anything for my anger and repugnance for all of everything that deserves it to be felt like a universal shockwave. And whenever masterpieces like this gets produced and especially when rage and ugly desperation are the main emotions-- I feel it. the universal shockwave

Then, the fact that this is also a bit autobiographical as the author has identified himself as a jazz drum prodigy in a similarly competitive environment (Princeton High School Band). so he knows firsthand how it felt like. and I find it so beautiful how Chazelle seamlessly makes the transition of his personal experiences and incorporates it into the movie, making it realer and more fleshed-out. It is a success on all levels. This movie has inspired me to make fanart or perhaps a fanfic of it... someday. It is that cool.

[lume-nosity]

realities: set in stone.

xiao x gn!creator!reader

style: angst

song inspo: it’s over, isn’t it? from steven universe & i want you by mitski

an: i’ve finally written my brainrot! im not 100% sure if im going to make a comfort alternative since im lazy & slow with writing. forgive me,,, also i am so sorry in advance for making this & im uploading this as im on my way to school ╥﹏╥ (me crying over this fic when im in school & my friends ask me why im crying, it’s this. my own story.)

notes: based off of this brainrot, not proofread, sagau/soft yandere themes

It’s as if the entire world had turned its back against him as if it hadn’t in the first place.

Xiao sits onto the soft and damp grass. His weapon tossed to the side, long forgotten. His hair flows with the wind, the chilling breeze howls through his ears, and he gazes up towards the sky. Pondering what had he done to deserve this.

He’s tried everything to please you. Sparing his free time to spend time with you, accompany you in your travels, offer you countless gifts, he’s done it all. And you appreciated his efforts. He felt as if he wasn’t seen as a weapon in your eyes, which made him feel so loved. It’s a feeling he hasn’t felt in centuries.

Finally, someone who understood his hardships and what he’d gone through in his years of suffering. Someone who validated him. Someone who sees him. It gives him hope, hope that you’re the one who’ll bring light in his dark world. Which is why he works hard to earn more of your praises and attention.

Day by day, he’d rid Liyue of its ominous monsters. Even going as far to do the same with the rest of the regions. He’s willing to go that far to see that precious smile from you that’s directed towards him.

That is until.. The day that changed his life. While he was going to your throne to greet you, he didn’t realize he’d stumbled upon you announcing Zhongli would officially be your consort. A public announcement. He wasn’t aware of this gathering with every single acolyte who had attended and how Zhongli was the one who’s the main spotlight. He had sparkles in his eyes, and kneeled down before you. Accepting the title with pride. The rest of the acolytes were split with how they felt. Distasteful, jealous, and respectful despite their burning feelings of sorrow.

But for Xiao, this affected him the most.

He shakes his head vigorously to stop himself from tearing up from the memory but to no avail, hot tears tread down his delicate face. Staining the grass. He used to look up to Zhongl- no, Morax.

Xiao used to look up to Morax. Morax bestowed the name Xiao for him, in replacement of his old name. Morax may’ve saved Xiao from an abusive God he used to serve and made a contract with Xiao to protect all of Liyue’s borders, but those are the old times. Right now, not only has Zhongli betrayed Xiao, but you did as well.

With you and Zhongli occupied with one another, Xiao is left to succumb in the dust. He has no God to follow now. Nobody to serve. Nobody left in his life. There’s no one else to trust.

Xiao fell on his knees, clenching the grass with his shaken fist. This feeling of betrayal overtaking his figure. He thought you loved him, loved him enough to be your consort. He shouldn’t be feeling this way, right? He should be monotonous like he always was. And yet here he is, completely letting his guard down on a patch of grass in an isolated area where nobody is able to find him.

You giving him the slightest bit of attention is the equivalent of winning the lottery in his eyes. He wasn’t expecting to be thrown to the side like the weapon he is.

Weapons need their wielders, then where’s Xiao’s? Nowhere. So all that’s left is for him to be consumed by his feelings. And even worse, his karma.

In the end, there’s really nothing nor nobody that could save him.

[mieisuke]

I don’t know if you’re comfortable writing this and if you aren’t I apologize in advance. May I request draken with a single mother s/o who as a son?

Being A Single Mother

Staring: Ken “Draken” Ryugugi

Genre: Fluff

Tw: fem!reader, cuss word & children

You have always been a hard worker, determined to do something great with your life and to make those who admire you proud. Yet, the person you try to work for the most is not your father or mother but indeed, your son – Reiki.

You found out that you were pregnant around about when you turned 18, supposedly after your school dance and you hooked up with your date. Sadly, when you explained the news to your ‘date’, he had wanted nothing to do with the life conceived within you.

It hurt you deeply when he had even demanded that you get the lump of fertilised cells aborted but something inside your heart said otherwise. Nevertheless, you had the child and even 12 years later – you couldn’t be happier.

Reiki was perfect despite all the stories you’ve heard from your friends about their children. No. Your boy was an angel who somehow, even though his young age, had some understanding of your situation. Long working hours just to put food on the table and pay the rent, the boy never even asked for birthday nor Christmas presents.

Knowing that he was doing it for your benefit left an uneasy taste in your mouth but this year, for his 13th birthday – you were going to make it extremely special. Much like other young boys, Reiki had an interest in bikes but instead of the average push bike, his interest laid with the motorbikes.

Now, it may seem unorthodox and inappropriate as such to buy a 13-year-old a motorcycle for his birthday but you knew that the gift would make up for every Christmas and birthday spent without gifts.

Plus, there had only ever been one item that Reiki ever stopped in the street to peer at through the glass window. It was the only thing you could recall that your son had ever shown slight interest in but even then, he brushed it off quickly when you tried to ask what had piqued his interest.

Thankfully, you were able to remember the location of which the bike was located – D & D Motorcycle Shop.

“Mom!” Reiki whined. “Where are we going? I thought we we’re just gonna spend my birthday at home….”

Despite his constant complaining, a smile remained prominent on your face, “We’re just making a quick stop at a store so that we can purchase your birthday present!”

Reiki rolled his eyes with a small sigh as a frown made it’s way onto his face, “Don’t worry about it, mom. I don’t really care about the whole ‘give gifts on a special day’ thingy anyways,” he huffed. “It’s all a rip off for consumer expenditure so the government can tax us more.”

You blinked at the boy beside you, wondering for a moment if he really was your son. Since when did he become so concerned with the Japanese economy and taxes? He’s meant to be 13 not 31.

“Alright, alright,” you chuckled. “You don’t need to take me back to school with you, trust me – I’ve had my time.”

After a while of walking, Reiki began to notice his surroundings more and more and it became painfully clear that you both weren’t heading towards some toy store like he expected.

He couldn’t help but ask the question playing on his mind, “Where are we going anyways? The toy-store is back that way, isn’t it?”

Your grin only grew wider, knowing that this particular present would be the last one he’d ever expect, “Yep but we’re not going to some toy-store, Reiki – you’ll find out soon enough, ‘kay?”

Soon enough, you were both standing in front of the motorcycle shop and as you smiled gleefully, Reiki found it difficult to close his mouth. He didn’t expect this.

Not in a million years. Entering through the shop doors, you observed the other people inside whilst your son bolted off in the direction of the bike he wanted.

As the line for customer service appeared to be long, you decided to browse around a few of the other bikes on display in hopes that the line would go down. I mean, D&D Motors was one of the most popular bike shops in Tokyo.

Seeing all these different bikes brought back memories of when you once were friends with multiple people from gangs Where they were all now? Who even knows? Or… maybe you do.

You had been so lost in thought that you didn’t even realise someone come up behind you and the sound of a male voice asking if you needed any help.

“Excuse me, Miss?” the oddly familiar voice brought you back down to planet Earth as you spun around on your heels to catch a glimpse at who was behind you. You choked on air!

As your eyes landed on the figure before you, you began to wonder if you jinxed. A tall figure, the sides of his head shaved, black hair – different from how you remembered but that dragon tattoo… it was exactly how you remembered it.

“(Y/n) is that you?”

‘Here you go – first impression in years! Make it professional (Y/n)!’

You opened your mouth, “Time, no, Draken, see, long!”

‘What the fuck was that?!’

There was an awkward silence as you just stared at the man, gaping as Draken stifled his laughter, “Still the same tongue twisted (Y/n), I see?”

A laugh was released from your lungs, allowing you to relax slightly, “Oh, I wasn’t that tongue-twisted. You just weren’t sophisticated enough to understand what I was trying to say.”

You had met Draken through a childhood friend, Emma Sano, though, the last time you’d seen him was at Emma’s funeral… over a decade ago. You had always had a liking towards Draken, there was just something about him but since Emma appeared to be all over him, you backed off.

As selfish as it sounds, you were hoping to get closer to him after her death but the guilt from even the mere thought made you sick. That’s why you kept your distance afterwards.

“So,” Draken began. “What brings you to my shop?”

“First, didn’t realise it was your shop,” you smiled sheepishly. “And second—”

You were interrupted when Reiki came running up to you, exclaiming that, “Mom! I’ve found the bike that I want – it’s this way! C’mon!”

As quick as he appeared, Reiki disappeared back into the shop somewhere, leaving you and Draken to just stare at each other with a confused and unsure expression each.

Well, more on Draken’s confused behalf, “You got a kid?” he asked and all you responded with was a small nod.

“Haven’t seen you in so long that…,” he started. “God, it’s weird to think that you have a kid. Never really pictured you to be the motherly type.”

Much to your joy, Draken managed to ease the tense atmosphere with his snarky comment and you punched his shoulder lightly, “Oi! I was more of your mother than anyone else!”

“Pfft, as if!” Draken retorted. “I recall you scolding Baji more than anyone.”

The chattering continued between you both as you travelled towards the location of which Reiki had been waiting, guarding, saving people from looking towards his bike. As you arrived in front of your son, Draken knelt down to his height, “What’s your name, little man?”

“Reiki, sir!” Reiki replied, as if he was in the military. You found it cutely amusing.

Draken smiled, “Alright, Reiki! Which bike you got your eye on?”

Reiki pointed behind him and your eyes widened in slight disbelief as you realised the bike that Reiki had been wanting the whole time was a Kawasaki Zephyr 400. The exact same bike that Draken used to ride around on when he was younger.

“Huh,” Draken deadpanned almost before smirking. “The kid’s got style.”

“Yeah, well ‘the kid’s’ gonna be running around in a gang if he starts riding that bike,” you sighed to yourself as Draken stood back to his full height. “What’s the price tag, Reiki?”

Reiki went to look at the tag but Draken intervened, “Don’t worry about it, call it a favour from an old friend.”

You exclaimed, “Huh?! You can’t expect me to take the bike without paying you somehow!”

“Just take the damn bike, (Y/n)!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

Draken sighed, seeing that he wasn’t going to win this fight, “Fine then, how about you take me out for dinner?”

“Dinner?” you puzzled.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “How about it?”

There was a swell within your heart as your chest pounded with joy. Even after all these years, it was like you guys had never been apart and now maybe you could both get to know each other better. Who is to say where the relationship would go next?

Though, you could guarantee that if Reiki started running around with a biker gang – he’d be grounded for a week before you lecture him about all your past experiences with the situation. Ah, yes!

Thank you for the request! I hope it was accurate to what you wanted!

[mrsbrekkers]

Hi! How are you?

Could I get a Kaz Brekker imagine where he opens up to the reader after a job about his past and the next day he tells her it was a mistake and a lapse of judgement, quite harshly. And then the reader gets hurt after a heist and he realises how much he actually needs her.

Thank you <3

i’m doing pretty good! first kaz fic tehe, i’ve been waiting to do kaz brekker one-shots since i read the books. he is v much a comfort character. i understand his aversion to physical touch ( i have panic attacks at times because of so ), his humor, and inner dialogue so he is v dear and near to my heart yeeee

i switched up the next day bit and did it as the same time since it made more sense to me?? i’m not sure how to explain it haha

pairings! kaz x reader / jesper x wylan + nina x matthias ( with inej third wheeling because she’d so do so. ) 

reader is female in this, but i can make it non-gender specific if one would like me too! just let me know i’m very flexible in my writing!

warnings! talking about jordie, ptsd, trauma, talk of death, loss of a brother + mother, swear words, kaz being sad, panic attacks, blood, near death experience, pekka a-hole rollins,

word count; 2610 ( proud again haha )

one-shot under cut!

COMPANIONABLE SILENCE

The Slat had become uncharacteristically quiet. A successful heist on part of the Crows made for easy celebration amongst the Dregs. Most sat gambling at the Crow Club, drinking the night away. Jesper had been having a weirdly lucky night, the money in front of him displaying such. Wylan had been on Jesper’s leg the entire night, and the occasional ‘This is my lucky charm’ could be heard from Jesper. Inej and Nina sat drinking together, Matthias looking like an unwilling bystander to the girls' fun. And yet, Y/N found herself back at the Slat after the long day. Her back screamed at her to call it a night, but instead, she found herself in front of Kaz’s door.

It was a routine the two had when they were the only ones at the Slat. Y/N would sit on the bed, head in a book, and Kaz would sit quietly at his desk planning whatever it was Kaz Brekker decided to plan. It seemed the same tonight, with Y/N quietly reading, until her head lifted to see Kaz rubbing his eyes.

“You need to get more sleep. The amount you manage is minimal. I’m surprised you’re not dead yet,” Y/N commented, her book falling into her lap, the page she’d left off on now folded at the corner. It surprised her how Kaz managed to live off of his, if lucky, two hours of sleep. She’d never understand it. Granted, she slept less than the suggested as well, but she always made up for it with at least a nap during the day.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” 

That might be sooner than you think at this rate. But Y/N wouldn’t take that for an answer. She wasn’t usually a pushy person, especially with Kaz Brekker. She’d learned being pushy with him was never a good idea, considering the amount of people who did were left with a ruined reputation and nothing to live with.

“Sleeping when you’re dead isn’t an option in Ketterdam. Even when you’re dead here, you’re really not. Especially when people know of you. And last time I checked, the entire city knows you, and half of it wants your head on a silver platter. I’m actually sure people outside of the city know you, and may want the same,” Y/N said, standing and moving over to the wooden desk, sitting across from Kaz. Her eyes landed on the work Kaz worked on, seeing another heist plan he was drawing out.

Kaz wasn’t going to give in easily, anyone who knew him knew he was stubborn. One of the most stubborn people who lived in Ketterdam, but he knew what Y/N was saying held some truth in it. One was never truly dead in Ketterdam. He suspected people would dig up his body to hand over to Pekka Rollins - no, he wouldn’t die before Pekka Rollins did, that was a promise he’d made himself after Jordie. Brick by Brick. He couldn’t pull Rollins apart if he was dead. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t dead yet: his vigor to destroy the man who’d killed his brother. But he did suspect that when he, Kaz Brekker, was dead, he’d never truly be dead.

“Even so, I have things to do, plans to make-”

“At 1 in the morning? I’m sure such plans aren’t going to disappear overnight.” Being cut off, Kaz casted Y/N a glare, eyes narrowing. Why she had such influence over him, he’d never know. Or, maybe he did know and wasn’t going to express why. Because why would he? Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason after all. He always had reasons though.

Finally, Y/N sighed. “I don’t expect you to listen to me, but I’m not going to let you rot away from the lack of sleep you get, Kaz. I am just as stubborn as you, and if I must? I will sit here and bug you about your lack of sleep until sunrise. Or until I inevitably fall asleep.” The smallest glimpse of a smile reached Kaz’s lips, an instinct to roll his eyes almost playfully too. Stubborn about the well-being of her friends was a Y/N special. Kaz had simply thought he’d have time before she got on his ass about his own health.

She’d already gotten on Wylan about his self-destructive habits. His tendency to blame himself for not being good enough. Y/N had practically choked him out once when he’d gone on a rant about how he was a problem for the Crows. A burden. Kaz himself had been somewhat frightened. She’d found ways to help Jesper and his gambling addiction, which usually included them gambling, but in ways that didn’t involve money. She’d gotten on Matthias for his excuses to not kiss Nina.

If Kaz remembered correctly, she’d called it ‘redirecting the issue’.

“You’re avoiding something,” Y/N then spoke, crossing her arms. Weren’t they all avoiding something? Kaz thought, huffing as he sat back into his seat. This was Ketterdam after all. If you weren’t running from some rich merchant, then you were running from their son. Wylan had simply been a lucky break in that usual streak.

“You say that as if we all aren’t running from something,” Kaz finally said out loud, his eyes casted downwards.

“Avoiding, Kaz. Not running, and something tells me the thing you’re avoiding isn’t something, but someone.” Y/N knew the look Kaz had on. She’d worn it herself dozens of times.

“I had a brother.” Kaz couldn’t bring himself to look directly at Y/N. It would make talking about this all too real. Too much. Was this a lapse in his judgement? Why was he telling her this? Had she managed to get so under his skin? 

“We moved to Ketterdam after my father died. My brother . . . Jordie-'' the name came out with a small crack in his voice. He hadn’t said that name out loud since he’d laid on his sick brother’s chest. “Was hopeful about what the city would bring, and it brought peace for some time. We worked with a man for some time, and my brother was in on a deal. One that seemed too good to be true,” Kaz scowled now, his anger seeming to rise as he spoke.

Y/N sighed, knowing where this was going now. “When an offer is too good to be true-”

“It usually is. That man went by a different name then. One to scam people for their money to rise through the ranks of the Barrel.” Kaz finally lifted his eyes, seeing the realization rush over Y/N’s face.

“Pekka Rollins.”

“Pekka Rollins is the reason my brother is dead.”

The room fell silent for a few moments, Y/N contemplating what to say. She had a feeling she was among the few who knew Kaz’s story. She was tempted to ask how Joride died, but she could infer. She’d been around Ketterdam during the time firepox had plagued the city. Her mother had been taken from the disease. She’d been the same age as Kaz. It began clicking in her head too.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N murmured. “I know you probably don’t want my pity, but really, I’m sorry.” It made sense why Kaz felt like he needed to best Pekka Rollins. He wanted revenge. He wanted Rollins to be just as down as him and his brother had been.

Kaz sucked in a deep breath, standing and running a hand through his hair. His regret for telling the woman before him began to consume him. This was a mistake. Why had he told her? A harsh look fell over his face, looking down at the plans he had laid out. “I need to finish these plans, and I’m sure you need some sleep,” his tone was harsh, but it was clear there was hurt underlying it. He wasn’t going to be an outright asshole, but he needed his space now.

“You need sleep too, and I doubt you’re in the right headspace to try and make plans-”

“Y/N, leave.” He internally was begging. And Kaz Brekker never begged . . . but Kaz Rietveld would, and that’s who was begging. 

“Kaz-”

“Leave.” Anger washed over his features, his eyes directing Y/N to the door.

Y/N sighed, walking towards the door. Before she turned the knob, she stopped. “You know being open about your past doesn’t make you weak, right?” But Kaz said nothing, afraid his voice would fail him. With no words spoken for a beat, Y/N opened the door, shutting it as she paced down the steps.

Her book still lied on the bed, the folded paper to the chapter she was on prominent. Kaz took one look at it before sighing and sitting in the chair, one tear making its way down his face.

---

It was supposed to be in and out. Another job. Another however much Kruge. Where is she? Kaz thought. Y/N was never one for being late. Sure she was working with Jesper, who was notoriously late, but she should’ve been out before Jesper was, and she wasn’t.

It’d been a week of no speaking. Kaz couldn’t speak to her after revealing so much. He feared it would become all too real. A common fear he had. Stealing, picking locks, it was all real to him, yes, but he never experienced reality when he was on a job. It was his way of ‘avoiding’ as Y/N would put it. But now, he couldn’t avoid the reality of this job.

The reality was: He’d ignored Y/N for a week in fear, and now she wasn’t at the rondevu point.

She’s Y/N, she isn’t dead. But that may not be true. She could indeed be dead. She could be, She could be, She could be.... Dozens of potential outcomes came to mind.

The world seemed to spin as he paced. Nina and Matthias had already tried to calm him. Nina had even tried to calm his heart rate down. Wylan seemed to be just as worried as Kaz as well, Jesper still out there alongside Y/N and all. Inej was calm, but it was clear she was worried too. They all were, but Kaz was being unusually emotional. 

“At this rate, you’re going to have a heart attack Kaz,” Nina had said.

And if he did, then that’d be a first for the Bastard of The Barrel. 

“And you’re not close to having one?” Wylan asked, shooting a glare over at Nina.

Kaz mentally thanked Wylan. At least he wasn’t the only one close to breaking down. Get in and out. In and out. What had gone wrong?

But then he heard the sound of boots running across the muddy ground, his eyes shooting up to see Jesper carrying a bleeding Y/N.

She’s bleeding. Who had hurt her? Kaz wasn’t sure, but anger filled him. That was until he fully internalized that Y/N was bleeding.

“Jesper, what happened?”

Jesper helped Y/N into the safe house, his breathing heavy as he helped her onto the bed of one of the rooms. “Rollins. He got word of the job. We became overwhelmed and Y/N here took a bullet to the shoulder.” Then Wylan was practically engulfing Jesper in a hug.

How? Was Kaz’s initial thought, but with a huff, he closed his eyes. Moving over to follow Jesper, he took off his coat. Upon entering the room Y/N was sitting in, he nodded towards her good arm, silently asking for her to take off the sleeve of the arm that was hit.

“I thought we weren’t speaking?” Y/N asked, groaning as she pulled the sleeve of her bad shoulder off with some help from Inej who pushed everyone else out of the room. Inej left as well, but gave Kaz a nod to let her know when he would need help.

Kaz didn’t lift his eyes to look at Y/N, his eyes steady on the bullet lodged in her shoulder. He pulled out the medical kit under the bed. Always prepared, Y/N thought.

“How did Rollins find out?” Y/N asked, watching Kaz pick up tweezers from the small medical kit.

“I’m not sure, but I plan on figuring it out. Stay still.” And Y/N did, knowing this was hard enough as it was for Kaz, she didn’t want to make it any harder. Squeezing her eyes shut as she prepared for the pain. She gripped onto the bed, seething as Kaz took the bullet out with the tweezers.

“I hope you know, I didn’t mean any harm last week.” Kaz knew what Y/N was referring too, and he simply nodded for the moment. Picking up the bandages from the kit, Y/N shook her head.

“Get Inej to do it, you’ve already pushed yourself enough.”

“It’s fine,” Kaz spoke, his voice firm.

“Kaz, don’t-”

“I want too.” His eyes lifted to finally look up at Y/N. She looked down as well, silently nodding. She understood Kaz enough to know this was his apology for ignoring her the past week.

“My mother, she died from firepox,” Y/N spoke quietly. She didn’t know how Kaz would take her bringing it up, but she felt that if she didn’t, they’d build up all this anger again. They’d ignore one another again. Kaz stalled. Flashes of Jordie and Reapers Barge consumed him for a few moments. Y/N’s skin turned cold, icy and raw. He flinched away from the feeling.

Then he heard it - Y/N’s heartbeat. She was living. She wasn’t a corpse. The heartbeat and blood were testament to that. She isn’t dead. 

“I never told you how he died,” Kaz spoke quietly. He wasn’t used to talking about such subjects with anyone. It was the reason he’d taken on a different surname. That way he could cut ties with his past.

But for some reason, Y/N was able to make him feel . . . though begrudgingly, open with his past.

“I can infer, Kaz,” Y/N said with a small hiss as Kaz finished with the bandage, his hands shaky. “Now, you can continue ignoring me if you wish, I imagine you enjoy avoiding me.”

“I don’t enjoy it.” Kaz now had someone he connected with on a level he wasn’t used to. He wasn’t going to enjoy being apart from that.

“I know, I was simply making sure,” Y/N teased, her lips quirking in a small smile.

Kaz gave a small shake of his head, his lips pulling into a smile as well for just a moment. Then he picked up his coat he’d taken off. “I imagine you’re cold, here,” he spoke then, watching as Y/N took it and wrapped it around herself.

Then the door swung open, Nina rushing over to give Y/N a hug. “Kaz here almost had a heart attack. Wylan almost did. Jeez, never do that again,” she said, laughing a bit.

“Ouch, ouch, Nina,” Y/N spoke, referencing the still open wound on her shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry. We made food for you,” Nina said, smiling before handing Y/N a tray of food.

Kaz exited the room, allowing the others some time to talk to Y/N. Inej followed him, her arms crossed as she leaned against one of the walls.

“What information do you want me to get on Rollins?”

“Whatever you can find.” You’re not taking her from me Rollins, and you’d better be ready when I do come for you. Brick by Brick.

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE TWENTY THREE || THE ORIGIN OF BLIND OBEDIENCE 2

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : swearing + mention of violence + mention of hell + mention of killing + mention of fire + mention of burning + EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 16 may

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 2.5k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but….

↳ previous episode : the origin of blind obedience 

↳ next episode : accomplices

↳ barista’s notes : let me admit, this isn’t by best piece of work since it’s been a while (taking a break does affect my typing skills, i can’t lie ʕ ꆤ ᴥ ꆤʔ) but i hope you enjoy this episode and for a hint of the next and final episode, it will be about Y/N’s past...like a time line may i say...NO MORE HINTS FOR YOU ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’. 

Destructive Curse Spell number four: Byakurai : 5:04-5:17

Binding Curse Spell number eighty-one: Danku : 3:56-4:05

Binding Curse Spell number sixty-one: Rikojokoro : 2:08-2:14

Destructive Curse Spell number fifty-four: Haien : 6:08-6:12 (but if you have read the manga...you know what Sukuna did)

2.5. for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique : hopefully this video is slightly better…

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“That’s a bit rude to say, don’t you think? Have some respect child,” the woman uttered in annoyance before you violently pushed your katana forward causing your opponent to be shoved away to some distance leaving space between you both.

“Respect goes both ways, you drag,” you replied back as you processed to raise your katana with a hint of excitement lingering within the blade as your cursed energy began to automatically flow to the black blade like the river you were near right now within the domain you were in.

“Don’t you think we should take this fight outside? I don’t want your little friends to get in the way,” your opponent queried. However, that question went from one ear to the other ear for you as you began to figure out what the plan was right now since you and your classmates were now dealing with two to three opponents.

‘Time...how much time do I have....how much time do I actually need?’

“It’s not good to daze out during a battle, what happens if I suddenly attack you?” the opposition taunted, yet you still didn’t have some sort of reaction like she wanted, causing a frown of irritation to gradually appear on her face.

Suddenly, you began to transfer some of your cursed energy to your arms and legs before swiftly pushing the ball of your right foot to push yourself forward before processing to swing your katana down, surprising the women in front of you as she quickly raised her metal tonfas to narrowly block your ambush, only for your other hand to reach the side of your belt to speedily unhook the polearm that was hanging on the side before fully swinging it towards the side of your enemy’s body.

Utilising some more cursed energy, the polearm immediately extended causing the metal pole to harshly smash into the side of the woman’s hip causing her to groan loudly in pain before hurling downwards like she was going to vomit, only for your foot to suddenly make contact with her stomach as you used your cursed energy to enhance the strength of your kick causing your opponent’s body to be thrust forward at a rapid rate as it pushed itself passed the wall of the domain you were in.

“You guys make sure to deal with that curse and the domain, I’ll handle her!” you shouted at your classmates in a panic before forcing yourself past the barrier of the domain that you were in to run after your attacker leading you to come back to where you were in the beginning, under Yashachi Bridge.

Currently, in front of you, was the woman crouching down while coughing in pain as she clenched her stomach causing you to take a few steady steps towards her body while raising your polearm over your head leading the woman to her to raise her head only to see the murderous look in your eyes causing a large wave of utter terror to consume her. 

From all the years she had taken care of you, never once did she ever come to view the look that you were wearing right now. When you were just a child, you were somewhat of the quiet type and never really had the effort to make any friends yet for some reason, people were able to come up to you for help and you would gladly offer your guidance to them. From her view of you, never once you had expressed such extreme emotions as you did now.

“When did- When did you become like this?” your opponent muttered while groaning in pain causing you to look at her with a lack of emotions as you began to slowly detach yourself from every memory of the woman that was at the lowest point right now. “When did you get this strong in such a short amount of time?” she questioned angrily, before slowly coming back up on her feet before raising the metal tonfas that now had a noticeable slanted side causing you to realise that your katana had cut through the metal.

However, before you could even observe your opponent’s weapon further, she suddenly came forward towards your direction, leading you to lower your polearm to use it as a guard which caused her right metal tonfa to come into contact with the dark blue metal. Quickly, you forced your foot to dig into the soiled ground to hold onto the dominance you had in this fight before swinging your other hand to make use of the katana you had in your other hand only to suddenly make your opponent come to view with the handle but without the blade that was usually there.

“Oh...sorry...I forgot I activated the technique,” you announced in a low tone causing your attacker to look at the ‘weapon’ with complete confusion in here eyes before an unexpected gust of wind came causing a few pink petals to come into view as the flowed past both of you and the woman you were fighting.

“But you didn’t activate your domain expansion...how are petals surrounding us right now?” your opponent stuttered as more petals began to surround you both leading the woman’s eyes to widen as she was coming to the realisation that she was now going to be en-caged by the flowery technique.

“Why should I tell you? It’s more fun to keep a few secrets here and there, you know,” you answered as swiftly slide the handle back into the wooden sheath that was hanging behind you to proceed using your free hand to grab the upper area of the pole before violently pushing the pole forward causing the metal tonfa to be released forcibly from her tight grasp following by you thrusting the polearm forward which lead to the sharp blade to slit a cut on the cheek of the woman in front of you generating a wince out of her.

Continuing your sequence of attacks, you let your upper grasp from the polearm go, causing you to pull your hand back, spawning a large wave of petals to follow along, leaving no time for your opponent to react as a multitude of petals from behind to beginning cutting her left arm in the process with no mercy whatsoever.

Screaming through the pain, your opponent attempted to pull her arm away from the surprisingly brutal attack, only for the petals to keep it anchored in the pink wave leading more slashed to be produced in the process before all of the pink petals separated themselves out into single petals to act like normal petals falling from cherry blossom trees when in reality, you were the one controlling them.

Now with her one side covered in blood and cuts, the woman’s grip for her left metal tonfa was getting weaker and weaker by the second, unable to keep a hold on the only weapon she had right now. “You’ve become a monster…” the woman muttered as she observed the horrid sight of her arm before turning back to look at you, only to find your arm raised up like you were pointing at her.

“Destructive Curse Spell number four: Byakurai,” you chanted quietly, leading the familiar high-density of cursed energy being discharged from the tip of your index finger to form a concentrated bolt of lightning causing your opponent to use her right hand to grab something from her pocket before throwing it towards the direction of the sparking blue blast causing the thunderbolts to explode destructively leading the ends of the light to hit the ground causing massive cracks and indents to be created.

‘Shit...maybe I shouldn’t use as much cursed energy like that again…’ you thought as you tutted at the result of the women’s defence before facing forward again to check the smoke that was soon clearing.

‘The use of jewels condensed with cursed energy is something she can do...I completely forgot about that. If I can recall, they can be used like bullets meaning they are fast...a little too fast for the petals…’

As expected, there was a sudden hint of light coming through the smoke leading a few jewels to shoot through the smoke before it cleared, leading you to rapidly gather enough cursed energy to your hand at a speed you rarely needed to be at.

“Binding Curse Spell number eighty-one: Danku!” you shouted leading a large clear rectangular wall to swiftly manifest in front of you, blocking the jewels as they exploded the split second they made contact with your shield leading a massive gust of wind the rush past. Without any sort of hesitation, the wall suddenly disintegrated while you swung your arm up leading the pink petals around you to follow your lead as you noticed the woman’s shadow moved up as the smoke continued to clear itself as the petals moved past it leading to your attacker’s eyes to widen once she noticed you were following her movements even when she was in the air.

Once you moved your hand to the right, the wave of petals began to move the same direction, causing the lady to notice that the massive wave was now behind the body leading you to swing the same arm downwards to engulf her as your raised the metal tip of the blade of your polearm to where you last saw her body before it disappeared within the sea of petals.

“Binding Curse Spell number sixty-one: Rikojokoro!' you chanted once again, leading to your cursed energy to manifest a spark of yellow energy on the tip of the polearm’s blade, which summoned six thin, wide beams of light that harshly slammed into the midsection of your opponent, causing her to fall from the sky resulting in her body slamming to the ground to which then you could observe how much damaged the petals have generated.

From your sights, there was a multitude of cuts to the woman’s body, all over her legs to the apples of her cheek, making the one you had caused earlier seem like a minor training injury as blood began to slowly descend from each opened wound which was too many to count. However, it seemed as if the woman wasn’t going to give up easily as she shockingly began to sluggishly lift herself up with her feet.

“You...heartless child...is this what you jujutsu sorcerers’ stand for? You...have never...asked...for what we want, and here you are...stabbing us without question...Y/N, we need you for what we want to achieve, don’t you want to know...what that is?” your opponent muttered, leading blood to drip from the corner of her mouth once she managed to stand on her feet leading you to smirk before a giggle began to emit from your mouth, shocking the woman, who you once used to call your mother, as fear began to cloud her expression once again.

“You expect me to ask! That’s the funniest thing I have heard to date hahaha, don’t make me laugh, you drag,” you responded before covering your mouth with your free hand as petals began to flutter around again as if they didn’t cause the horrific injury scattered around the woman’s body right now.

“Understand this, you can’t ‘need’ me...don’t drag me into your plans,” you mentioned with the smirk widening before transferring your cursed energy away from the polearm causing it to narrow back down into the small section just like how it was handed to you by Gojo before hooking it back to your belt. “Me, a monster? I can understand why you would call me that, it is expected from you curse users and cursed spirits haha,” you muttered in a taunting tone before opening your palm leading to some of the petals flying about to come towards your hand.

“Let me admit, I realised this quite late...or maybe it’s because of the mental state that I am in right now. The crown that I have been given by the people within the jujutsu world isn’t enough for me...being a queen on the chessboard isn’t enough yet I don’t have a god complex like Gojo Satoru...there are people below me and will forever stand below me...and you are one of them,” you announced before laughing in front of the women’s face as more petals began to gather within your open palm.

“Sukuna may sit on his throne but I will forever stand on my feet like I always do for my domain expansion...I hold the four pillars of the jujutsu world meaning the clans are within the palm of my hand...yet...they can burn within the second I want them to,” you sinisterly explained leading the petals within your palm to start burning.

“Remember this even after your death, you drag...I will always win...because I am L/N Y/N… the head of the L/N clan...I...will...always...win, see you in hell when I get there,” you stated with venom lasted into your tone before standing sideways as you used your other hand to grasp onto the flame before pulling it back like a sting of a bow as the fire manifested itself to shape like a large arrow

“Destructive Curse Spell number fifty-four: Haien,” you whispered before shooting the flaming arrow towards the woman causing the burned petals to stab the woman within the chest before it consumed her body with its violent flames leaving you to view the gruesome slight with no emotions present at all on your face as petals began to manifest from the flames before joining with the other petals that were flowing around the area you were in.

Taking the handle of your katana out, you allowed the petals to gradually merge together to generate the black blade that was supposed to be there before sliding it back in its wooden sheath.

“Should I run?” you question yourself in a quiet tone, as you turned your head back to see the forest that was standing behind you, opening its arm to let you escape again and disappear from the world of jujutsu sorcery like you had since the beginning. However, in the back of your mind, you knew that Itadori, Fushiguro and Kugisaki were going to come looking for you, yet by the time they had the chance to, you would have been gone by then...gone somewhere far away.

“Should I run?” you whispered again as if you were waiting for someone to answer your question. However, as you had expected, nothing but the wind answered you leaving you in a state of confusion but weirdly peaceful as well. Now that you thought about it, this was the first time in a long time you were able to be alone with yourself and your thoughts due to you being disturbed by Gojo or anyone within the Jujutsu Tech institution as well.

Steadily, you turned your body to fully face the forest that was now tempting you to run into.

Slowly, you took one step forward.

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