#even when it's not dennis apparently

[psymachine]

i like when i can tell an anon was specific about part of their request because they were fairly certain i'd do the opposite if left to my own devices

[6-epigraphs]

Have we ever seen this old man being affectionate with drivers or other juniors? Or just Yuki? I don't even think I've seen him this close to Max and Seb (off the podium at least)

Brother.

[aceyanaheim]

which like I do wanna come to Ecuador more.

This is like...hands down the most peaceful place for me it always has been.

[alchemistc]

Eddie tips his beer against his lips, fights the smile turning up the corners of his mouth as Mara and Jee each cling to one of Buck's arms, the both of them screaming to their hearts content. It's - loud, and Buck isn't doing anything to temper the noise, growling out one of his Roledex of monster noises, lifting one arm and then the other like some bastardized workout routine.

Beside him, Tommy sighs.

It's a familiar sound, at this point. Tommy is so fucking full of love, and Eddie knows he's spent a long ass time looking for a place to put it. He can't think of a person better prepared to take the bulk of it on than Evan Buckley.

"I cannot handle your lovelorn sighs, dude. You got the guy, you don't need to act like some regency hero watching from the sidelines."

Tommy eyes the neck of Eddie's bottle like he's thinking about punishing Eddie for the comment with a beer tap, so Eddie shifts it out of his reach - he's in no mood for another lesson on the physics of cavitation from Buck while he's cleaning foam off the patio and trying to prevent Jee from lapping it up like a dog.

Denny's too old for most of the horseplay, now, but there's something about Buck that makes kids unafraid to act like kids - he takes a flying leap and gets an arm around Buck's neck, and now he's somehow hauling three of them around with one of those wide, uncareful smiles Eddie's always been a bit jealous of.

Tommy's chest expands, and Eddie can feel his lips pursing, his eyes rolling to the side in warning. Tommy blows the breath out through his nose and scowls.

"I knew Shannon was it for me after our first date," Eddie says into the silence, shocking himself with the ease her name slides past his lips. He hasn't - he doesn't - Christ, even thinking her name sets him back sometimes. But this feels - it feels like the only memory pertinent to the situation.

Tommy's pretty good at keeping a straight face when he's feeling big things - decades of practice, Eddie knows, and he's aware that Tommy has spent another ten years unpacking that, forcing himself to wear his heart on his sleeve. Still. It seems easiest when it's Buck, and Eddie can't fault him that.

"She was such an asshole," Eddie continues, fond, while Tommy's gaze shifts to him, careful, concentrated, that special blend of steady eye contact and a stilling of his body that lets people know he's really listening, retaining, will be able to recite word for word something personal someone told him about themselves. "Even then, even as young as we were, I just wanted to share everything with her. Jokes, and stories about my day - happiness and sadness and... life, you know?"

Tommy swallows. His gaze shifts in the quiet of Eddie's confession, unerringly returning to Buck. Eddie's watched plenty of women in love with Buck looking at him. It's never been that look.

The one Eddie'd clocked months ago, a subtle shift from smitten to in love to something else. Something more.

In the grass, Buck levers himself to his knees and begs for mercy, and nearly takes a knee to the groin for his surrender.

Tommy's chest expands.

"You measured his ring size while he's passed out coming off an extra shift, yet?" (Buck has. Eddie's been fielding a fucking deluge of links in his messages, at least a hundred different rings at this point that look identical to Eddie but Buck apparently has half a million opinions about that he seems to think Eddie can help him with.)

Tommy doesn't give him time to react, this time. The bottom of his bottle hits the top of Eddie's and Eddie scrambles too late, foam spilling along the sides, over his fingers. The patio rug soaks up the liquid as it spills over his fingers, but Tommy seems to think the hassle of cleaning off his brand new patio is worth it, if the smirk on his face is anything to go by.

"I'm going to go rescue my boyfriend before Jee-Yun decides hearing Evan howl in real pain is her new favorite hobby."

Eddie's beer is still foaming, a steady trickle up the neck and down the side, right over his fingers, dripping to the rug beneath his feet. He'll need to go inside and wash his hands soon, maybe rearrange Tommy's tea drawer while he's in there - it's the only thing safe from Buck's wrath in that kitchen. "Get me another beer while you're up," Eddie snarks back, and leans back to watch the way Buck's eyes gleam when, instead of rescuing Buck, Jee and Mara both take aim at Tommy instead, and Tommy's swings them both up into the air while they screech in delight.

[sthilarions]

It’s been a long, miserable case, and tensions are running high already when the warlock, Dennis, captures Charles and Edwin.

He locks them in a cell - more of a cage, to be honest - and casts a spell on Rowland. Just a little thing really. Because he’s been watching them, for the same weeks that they’ve been watching him, and he knows their weaknesses.

Rowland has fury in every bone of him. And Payne, the warlock has noted, is obnoxious as hell. A little shit to the core.

It shouldn’t take much. They were already snapping at each other when they were sneaking up his driveway.

The spell, Dennis explains to his captives, is sort of like vodka, and sort of like the opposite of a love spell. His own invention, he tells them proudly, which lowers inhibitions and fills the victim with unsuppressable rage at the closest target.

He casts the spell and hands Rowland back his bat through the bars.

It shouldn’t take much. He expects the skinny gray bitch to be paste in three minutes flat.

He’s not.

The spell seems to be working - Rowland is biting out curses, clutching his bat with white-knuckled fingers, downright seething, and the other one is pressed back against the bars, as far away as he can get, but absolutely no punches are being thrown, no weapons being swung.

Dennis intensifies the spell.

Rowland’s breathing becomes desperately harsh. Dennis can hear his teeth grinding from across the room, and Rowland finally raises his fist and swings a punch - towards his own leg.

Another harsh thud and Payne dives across the cage to grab Rowland’s fist. Rowland goes immediately limp in Payne’s hands, and Dennis almost screams in frustration.

So he’s not looking when Payne grabs the bat, and swings it at the bars, and apparently it’s more enchanted than anticipated because it smashes right through and, long story short, Dennis shortly finds himself on the floor with a magic-binding curse on.

“I don’t understand,” he whines. He can admit it to himself, that was a whine. “Why didn’t it work?”

Rowland shrugs. “Oh, it did,” he says. “Made me proper furious. I just really, genuinely don’t wanna hit Edwin, mate. No amount of lowering inhibitions is gonna matter when there’s nothing there being inhibited in the first place.”

“But - but you’ve been with him for decades, and he’s - ” Dennis quickly rethinks his plan of calling Payne a bitch as he eyes the twirling bat, back in Rowland’s hands. “He’s like that! You have to have wanted to, at least once, the spell should have grabbed onto anything.”

Rowland just grins down at him. “Nah. Never wanted to, ever, even once. Now, you, on the other hand - ”

The bat swings and Dennis doesn’t remember anything else for quite a while.

[peppermintquartz]

Buck takes a photo of the open closet and sends it to Hen. 'See what i mean??' he texts.

Hen replies with a gif of a cartoon bunny shaking its head. 'that is the wardrobe of sadness'

'preciselu. Pls pls pls help me drag my bf out on a shopping trip'

'whens our next overlapping off day'

'wed + thu'

'lure him out for coffee and I'll bump into you. don't let him have any other plans'

--

"Hen! What a surprise to see you here!" Buck exclaims brightly when he spies Hen in her bright pink hoodie and ripped jeans.

"Buckaroo!" Hen hugs him and, out of sight of Tommy, whispers ferociously, "Tone it down, that was terrible acting."

Tommy sips from his coffee and bumps a fist with her. "Good to see you. Where are you going?"

"Thought I should update my wardrobe, maybe buy some new clothes for Denny too. Hey, you two free? Could use some opinions from a couple of guys."

"We're hardly teenage boys," Tommy points out reasonably, but he is overruled by both Hen and Buck.

Once they get Tommy into the mall, Buck is reassured that his boyfriend is going to come out with some colors for his closet. There are only so many neutrals he can endure on his very hot boyfriend.

--

At the end of the day, when a very bemused Tommy is sorting out the purchases he apparently had to make just because Hen Wilson said to, Buck makes him do a fashion show, snapping photos of each new shirt, tee, sweater, and even that fancy sleeveless top that Buck wants to get wet ASAP. His favorite is a purple shirt, slightly sheer and almost iridescent under the light, which makes Tommy's eyes sparkle.

"I don't think this is really my style," Tommy says, looking down at himself and then back in the mirror. "It's so... fussy."

"You look hot in it," Buck says. "I can't wait for you to wear this to a club and see the guys and gals go nonverbal with lust."

Tommy raises an eyebrow at him. "Baby, I'm forty years old. Guys and gals don't lust over middle-aged men in sheer purple tops."

"Bet you ten dollars you end up getting propositioned by someone other than me if you wear that out tonight." Buck sidles closer and puts his hands on Tommy's chest. "In fact, ten dollars per person who comes up to you to get your number. And I can't wait to see them green with envy when I get to take you home."

Amused, Tommy presses a gentle kiss to Buck's lips. "And if I don't get a single proposition?"

"I remember you were telling me about the daydream of a rollercoaster blowjob..."

"Ah, no, I don't want my junk bitten off mid-ride."

"How about sex on the beach then? I know a spot that's very secluded. No one else goes there," Buck asks, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

He knows when Tommy's hooked, the second his nostrils flare and his eyes darken.

Tommy licks his lips and smirks. "Pack towels, condoms and a mat," he tells Buck. "You're so gonna lose."

--

Buck wins $70. He splits the winnings with Hen.

(To console Tommy for losing the bet, Buck still gave Tommy a ride on the beach, purple shirt unbuttoned and his curls loosened by the wind and the crashing waves hiding their moans.)

(Buck does not tell Hen about this.)

[umbrellajam]

Azrael: Agent of the Bat #56 - No Man's Land Dick: "Scared, kid?" Tim: "Not really. A little nervous, I guess." Tim: "Who am I kidding? I'm scared. I feel like those soldiers must have felt right before D-Day." Dick: "D-Day, as in World War Two? You must stay awake in history class." Tim: "We're only up to the Spanish-American War, but I saw the Spielberg movie. Really bloody." Dick: "I hope it doesn't get that bad." Tim: "It won't, will it?" Tim: "Will it?"

Okay, several things I enjoy about this moment.

1. I'm just being so well-fed in terms of great Dick & Tim interactions in this era. Cataclysm, Brotherhood of the Fist, Road to NML, breaking into NML in Robin #67 with classic annoying-older-brother!Dick and Tim panicking about his safety when Dick does a quick death fake-out (typical, honestly lol)... And now with an introspective moment to themselves in the calm before the storm - in Azrael's book no less, lol! I wonder if this came from Dennis O'Neil as something he wanted to include or if it was collaboratively planned as a building-tension moment by the writing/editing teams plotting NML.

2. Tim confiding in Dick my beloved <3 But also - Tim lying at first that he's not really scared, before deciding to just be honest. He has these moments of such earnestness at times (not only with Dick (also YJ, Bruce, Steph, Cass), but often) and they're even more striking because of how prone he is to lying, secrecy, glossing over things and pretending to be fine, etc. most of the time.

He's still pretty young here, barely 15 if that, and his tendencies definitely get worse over time, but he's already wrestled with lying to his Dad, Ariana, Steph, and his other friends, already pretended to be fine to Dick's face in Contagion and Legacy when he was actively dying or under threat of doing so again, refused to tell his Dad he was ever even sick, lied to Bruce's face about Secret, etc... It just sticks out to me so much whenever he chooses to go - yeah, okay, I'll be open with you right now even if it makes me vulnerable.

3. Dick not answering him!! Is that last panel, where we can't see him over Tim's shoulder even though he's positioned right behind him in the others, implying that Dick straight up vanished in order to avoid having to lie or be vulnerable himself lmfao? (I mean, probably not, but the thought is v. funny.)

On the other hand, Dick's silence as a type of honesty and vulnerability in and of itself... We know that as much as Dick likes teasing Tim, he also likes to comfort him, to be that figure of strength and reassurance to him. For him to be the one asking Tim if he's scared in the first place, and then not be able to scrape up anything more than "yeah, hope it doesn't get as bad as literal D-Day" and foreboding silence when Tim admits that he is scared...

It makes me think of that contrasting moment in Murderer/Fugitive later on, where Dick does tell Tim the comforting lie, that he'll always be safe with Batman and Nightwing, that everything will be okay, and desperately wants Tim to believe it.

No such comforting lies in No Man's Land, apparently.

[bucksboobs]

Also “he’s constantly shown to be on the fringes on the Family He Chose” he met Buck by saving Bobby and Athena’s lives, he was there at the medal ceremony talking to Hen and Karen in a deleted scene and getting defended from Gerrard by Chimney, he was at Madney’s wedding, he was at Christopher’s birthday party, he was waiting in the lobby for news about Denny’s surgery with the whole 118, he plays basketball and spars and does Karaoke with Eddie, he and Eddie have little goofs about Buck’s superstition and they back each other up while taking care of him! He is inarguably the most integrated a love interest for Buck has ever been with the 118. The only time he’s “on the outskirts” is when he wasn’t in the 118 work groupchat that Athena apparently isn’t even in judging by Bobby showing her the message about Denny. If you have to lie by omission this much to prove your point maybe your point is shit.

[controld3vil]

costume mishaps

pairing(s): dune 2 cast x actor!reader (platonic!)

synopsis: requested by this ask, & 2!!

⤷ alt: costume mishaps happen all the time.

notes: when i saw the film, i just knew they were going be awarded best costume. LIKE princess irulan dressed up to be taken hostage. also actor!reader is referenced to have hair long enough to be braided. also this might be the last installment i do for the dune cast, i apologize but it's been slowly fallin off for me. but if i get motivated, ill be so sure writing more :)

Only recently film channels have released behind-the-scenes footage of Dune: Part Two. One of which went in depth about each important character.

When it came to your character, Denise Villeneuve placed much emphasis on wanting to find an energetic spirit. Someone who can channel childlike wonder and at the same time, play a menacing and emotional one. And for that, you were chosen and had always appreciated Denny's choice of you.

"Nerre's, they're essential to the House Atreidas. They grew up under their rule, with Paul, and have the mentality of what it means to be loyal to the things you love and hold. And I think," Fondly, Denise murmurs your name with a smile. "They delivered what was needed for the character." Shortcuts of shots of you in the desert exhibited your enthusiasm for the project. You're constantly smiling, at the joy of people's laughter. It was as if you were born to play Nerre, resembling much of their attitude and spirit.

At the end of Villeneuve's talk, it quickly moves to another shot into the desert.

"I can't do this Denny!" From far away, it zooms toward your figure, sitting at the edge of a valley of sand. In costume and everything, the only thing that discerned different was you were missing your headgear. Your locks, loose and free from any shackle you previously had, are long gone. The sunset hits your face directly and only elevates the sad pout on your lips. "Can I please put my hair up?!"

Beside you, the Paul Atreides actor sits with one leg over the other, giggling, holding his fist up to distract himself from your petty endeavor. It was fortunate today that the wind was kind. Yet it bothered you apparently, as you try to readjust strands of your hair away from your face every few seconds. There were faint shouts behind the camera and muffled current, comments that were directed back to you.

"No, it's a part of the scene!" Denise hollers, cupping his hands into a circle. A few familiar faces show up beside the director, amused and chuckling joyfully. The sun would soon be gone and it is a waste of film if you did not comply with the director's order. Yet as the video picks up, you shamelessly and eventually accept your fate, crossing your arms, and glaring at him.

In another, your annoyance grew further. Your persistence towards Denise was undeniably petty and unnecessary. It was another day shoot, with the sun glaring back on the desert lands and everything it lays its eyes on. In particular, you who is braided with loose and intricate braids on your hair. You were even advised, more encouraged to grow your locks out for the film. Which you happily followed and now regret to this day.

"I really want to just," You scoot towards the camera's view so nobody can hear except you and the cameraman. "Yank all of the hair from my scalp! The heat's killing me!"

It switches to a sit down interview of you, slowly diffusing your voice on top of the footage to connect both portions on what you were trying to convey. "Now obviously, I was exaggerating," As you nervously laughed at yourself. You're not sitting in front of the movie poster. You were in casual outing clothes and showed off a relaxed manner, "But Denny did request for me to grow out my hair for the film- not just to show that time has passed but a part of their maturity. It's not extravagant but a small change that gradually will show later on."

Your character did not have a dramatic wardrobe change. More or less, the production team wanted to include small changes to your outfits. In the first film, you were dressed in a simple Fremen still suit, with not much other than the mask attached to it.

You did not have many options to customize. Everyone's was the same, with few alternations. You were aware for Paul, Timothee adorned a long hooded cape and extra layers of fabric behind his back. Rebecca took a completely different change and discarded the Fremen attire altogether. In the sequel, she had to wear multiple layers covering her body to represent the Reverend Mother of the Fremen people.

"Just one change, that's all I'm asking!" You recited a previous conversation you had with the director. Another Dune behind-the-scenes documentary, it showcased the intricate works of the costume designers. A beautiful work of art. Every single piece of fabric was handmade and crafted. And of course, you who couldn't help but praise their efforts and reminisce the the first time you wore the still suit again before shooting.

"I remember desperately wanting a cool cape or something. And in the end, I got what I wanted!"

A cool compilation showed you running around in the Fremen attire for the first few shoots of Dune's sequel Sometimes you run off into the distance with your cape, flying behind your back. Or the times when you flipped it over your head for extra protection. Even on other occasions where you are the one fanning your cloak for your costars like Florence Pugh or Rebecca Ferguson.

"Yes, they were happy when we gave them a cape," One of the costume designers who specialized in Fremen wear said in a quick interview. She spoke of you with hearted tenderness as like many of the other designers appreciated your participation with Denise on what to change. "We also thought it would be cool to add a few chains and charms- if you see around their waist area to show how long they've been living in the desert. Things you pick up like scrap metal or maybe materials they had from their home planet that bring homage to them. We thought it would be a cool idea for Nerre, in their time, they would be scavenging for things to bring back home."

Although the most well-known shot of you was with your well-acquainted costume. Timothee and you were walking side by side in between a long valley. It was a thin canyon, built upon tall feet of rocks and dusk. The camera crew and others were careful to walk the ancient monuments. All of the Fremen extras were following behind last. In the scene together, you and Timothee were discussing plans while striding through the rocky corridor. Josh Brolin was at the side to your right and Zendaya was on Timothee's left.

But what the documentary picks up on is what happened after the scene. Right after the scene, captures the two of your mischievous and harmless banter. All of the extras and film crew scurried out of view. Zendaya can be seen sitting by a nearby ledge.

It captures you, jumping in pace to wake yourself up. Or maybe because your feet were asleep. Eventually, the French actor joins you, following the rhythm of your jumping. It's comical how casual random occurrences happen around you and your younger cast mates. To the average person on set, it was the norm to see you and Timothee replicate childish acts.

Viewers can pick up a muffled conversation as the two of you continue to bounce in unison. "You tired?"

"I feel numb!" You quicked your pace slowly and your costar continued to stare at your movements to follow. With the additional shade the canyon provided, the heat wasn't an issue but the humidity was. Zendaya who was resting behind gave you an encouraging laugh when you began to spin and jump clockwise.

Eventually, you and Timothee went back and forth to copying each other. It led to a game of tag, which dispersed people into making a circle in the middle of the road for you to play. At some point, Timothee managed to grab onto your hooded cloak which halts you backwards. Thus it was an infamous funny blooper viewers can seen reposted over thousands of times.

With him holding your cape, and slowly going under as if performing a dance.

Even when asked about that particular clip on the carpet, you both only shared dotting reminisce and giggles.

"He almost made me fall when he grabbed my cape," You huffed, pointing at the said perpetrator while the interviewer, holding the microphone looked his way accusingly. Timothee doesn't deny your claims as he blatantly grins, happily on the special moment.

"Wow!"

"I mean, I think I won that tag game but sure," The brunette sarcastically directs his eyes toward the veil behind your back that replicated the cloak cape you wore in the movie. "You could've gotten hurt."

"Yes, because you were about to rip that thing off my neck!" You emphasized greatly into the microphone which had the interviewer throw out a chuckle. Timothee breaks as well but regains his posture before glancing at anyone behind who wants to defend him.

"I think a rematch would be in order," They added, earning hums from you, only fueling your competitive drive.

"Obviously!"

"You wanna go right now?" Timothee speaks up, emitting false confidence as he puffs up his chest. You do the same, despite knowing you are at a disadvantage for not wearing a flexible outfit to run in.

"Yeah if you're game!" You shouted back, cracking your knuckles as a few paparazzi snapped photos of your hilarious rivalry. Within seconds, he taps your shoulder before running off in the opposite direction. It leaves you off, gawking in surprise before chasing him down the carpet, struggling as you run past your other cast members and cameras.

By the end of the night, the two of you were in a tie. You won, in revelation to everyone's surprise as a picture was posted online of you posing with rock and roll peace signs and Timothee holding up the veil that was attached to your outfit, replicating the previous video.

"I have a question,"

This was the BuzzFeed UK interview. For all the five younger cast members to sit down and talk with one another. Really more of a natural and informal discussion that didn't need to pertain to obvious questions about the film. Everyone sat in comfortable sofa chairs of their own, each receiving their own microphone.

It was Florence who spoke, directly eyeing Austin Butler to your left side. Your eyes followed her insulated question, but your mind was unbothered. Your fingers unconsciously fiddled and scratched the mic as your blonde costar asked, "Your bald cap, at what point in the day were you like God I can't wait to get it off!"

Your stoic expression broke into a warm smile, remembering all the times you've seen Austin in his Feyd costume. "It's a good question."

"When did it get uncomfortable and sticky?"

"After lunch?"

"Yeah yeah I mean it kind of got to a point where I did- I would forget, it just feels like it's a part of you and I was focused on so many other things, but it's usually when it got really hot," The Princess Irulan's actress mumbles in agreement, "Particularly the arena scene cause I'm outside in the sun and it's 110 degrees and that's on your head. I just would- want to cut the damn thing off."

It earns honest chuckles from Florence and Zendaya who both agreed. A few seconds later, it cuts to you with a knowing smile before speaking up into the microphone, "At least you didn't have to deal with all of your hair- and mess," Additional hums from the others joined as Austin chokes out a laugh, before taking a second glance at you.

"I mean yeah- there are a few positives to wearing a cap," He shrugs his shoulders, knowing how you'd react to his casual response meant to be teasing.

"What was your experience like?" Florence turns the question towards you. She states your name accordingly as if seriously questioning you. Your head turns and you give her a look before answering.

"Madness," Only to be returned with huffs and pants, mostly coming from Zendaya who knew well of your petty endeavors with your hair and makeup. "I wouldn't say it was worse or better but god, the extreme heat from the desert really sold me cutting my hair short." From your side, Austin squints his eyes, unable to take your sarcasm seriously. While you can see Timothee on the far side of the group, humorlessly shaking his head as you try to reaffirm yourself.

"I think out of everyone, you take the most with hair and makeup beside Austin," The mixed actress addressed, clasping her hands together with the microphone in-between. Florence hums and you nod your head far too quickly, only to be caught by your French costar.

He calls out your name, "You take like forever in the chair, what's up with that?" Suddenly you feel the air change as you give an accused look, trying to play innocent.

"Some people take their time longer in the chair okay," You huffed and puffed as you glanced around the room. Luckily Austin decided to help on your side, empathizing with how long it takes for him to prepare in the chair.

"Both of us gotta take care of our hair you know," He adds, quickly lowering his microphone which leads a twinkle in your eyes as you gleam adoringly at him.

"Yes exactly!"

"Wow really?"

"Okay but the bald cap requires much more time and precision. You're just taking a long time and can't sit still," Florence buts in, moving closer to the edge of her seat.

You gawk at her, grasping the nonexistent pearls on your chest as you can discern Timothee and Zendaya's laughter. "Where did all of this hostility come from?"

"You know what? Ever since you broke my headpiece!" There were gasps and your blonde costar only looked at you, with a cold funny stare. Your jaw drops, knowing it was the few incidents you wanted to erase from your memory.

"Did you really break her headpiece?" Timothee sighs at you in disappointment. He gives you a fake frown before you turn to the camera, looking at the audience, unbelievable how the tables quickly turned.

"The tea!"

"First it was minor, only a few of the shards dropped." You raised your index finger, then cast eye contact with each person, "And not to mention, Florence, you let me touch it!" This time, it was Zendaya who gasped in astonishment, looking back and forth.

"I guess this was how the holy war started," Timothee speaks indistinctly, cupping one of his hands on the mic. Only to be heard of your exclamations in bewilderment.

[whumpdoyoumean]

Whumptober #26

A/N: This is just a wee little tag to the latest episode (8x05), so spoilers for that!

xxx nightmares

It was Evan's turn to pick the movie for movie night. He'd decided on the second Pirates of the Caribbean, because it has Keira Knightly and Bill Nighy from Love, Actually and because he hasn't watched it since realizing that he has a crush on both Elizabeth and Will (and Norrington too, apparently). It's Evan's pick, and yet he's tucked against Tommy's side, snoring lightly, Tommy's arm around his shoulders. It's hard for Tommy to be irritated, though, after the week Evan had. And it doesn't hurt that he's so cute when sleeps.

They're at the scene where Will is reunited with Bootstrap Bill when Evan stirs slightly. Tommy thinks it's just a twitch at first, doesn't think anything of it until Evan makes a sound, a small noise somewhere between a groan and a whimper. Tommy twists to look down at him. Evan's brow is furrowed, mouth pulled down into a frown.

"Ev?" Tommy says softly.

Evan doesn't wake, the expression on his face growing more distressed. His breathing grows heavy and his body jerks against Tommy's.

"No," he murmurs. His chest is heaving, and a tear slips down his cheek. "No!"

Tommy is pretty sure he read somewhere that you aren't supposed to wake someone up when they're having a nightmare, but it's alarming to see up close, to see someone he cares about in obvious distress. He can't just sit by and watch.

"Evan?" he says, a little more loudly this time.

Evan lets out a sudden cry, sitting bolt upright, eyes flying open, and he's gasping, these ragged, sobbing breaths. Tommy is off the couch in a second, crouching in front of Evan and gripping his arms.

"Hey!" he says. "You're okay, Evan, you're safe!"

Evan's eyes are wide and unfocused and Tommy moves one hand to gentlycup Evan's cheek, his own heart hammering.

"Evan."

Evan blinks and his gaze slowly lifts to meet Tommy's.

"Do you know where you are?" Tommy says gently. Evan blinks again, then nods slowly. "Yeah? Can you tell me?"

"Your...your living room."

"Good. Deep breaths, Evan. You're okay."

Evan nods again, and Tommy can see the effort it takes for him to slow his breathing.

"You're okay," Tommy repeats, wrapping his arms around Evan as Evan leans forward, burying his head in Tommy's shoulder. Tommy puts a hand on the back of Evan's head, holding him tight. He can feel Evan trembling lightly against him.

They stay like that for a long time, the movie playing, forgotten, in the background. Finally, Evan pulls away, wiping at his eyes.

"Sorry, it was, uh – a nightmare. A pretty intense one."

Tommy grabs the remote and turns off the tv, then moves back onto the couch next to Evan, taking the man's hands in his own.

"Has this happened before?" Tommy asks.

Evan takes a deep, shuddering breath. "Yeah. I had a few nightmares after the ladder truck and-and the tsunami. But never really bad ones, not until the lightning strike. I was dead, you know, clinically, for over eight minutes. And it's not like I remember it or anything, but for a while after I'd have these...these really awful nightmares." His eyes brim with fresh tears and he sniffs. "I think, uh. I think Denny's heart stopping may have brought some things up on, like, a subconscious level?"

"I'm sorry," Tommy says, moving his thumbs idly over Evan's knuckles. "Seeing something like that is never easy, but it's harder when it's a kid. Even harder when it's a kid—a family—that you care about. Is there anything I can do?"

Evan shrugs, then offers a small half-smile. "You wanna finish the movie?"

"We can do that," Tommy says. He get the movie going again, then settles back onto the couch. Evan leans over, draping himself across Tommy's chest.

"Is this fine?"

Tommy plants a kiss on the top of Evan's head. "Yeah, that's fine."

Evan seems to be okay as they start watching again, calling out random facts about the movie (and things that are only tangentially related to the movie). But Tommy can't help but worry about him. He knows from experience how important sleep is in recovering from both physical and emotional trauma, and if Evan is having nightmares like this then he won't be getting good rest...

"You can stay here tonight, if you want," Tommy says once the credits start rolling, "if you think it would help, to not be alone."

Evan looks up at him, eyes shining. "I think that would help, yeah."

xxx

[madlori]

A breakdown (no, not that kind)

So, in an effort to be clear-headed about the ship, I am here reporting a complete list of the scenes in which Tommy appears or is discussed in the context of his relationship with Buck. I'm not counting 7x03 as that was all pre-relationship (shoulder touch notwithstanding). Scenes in italics are ones in which Tommy is discussed or is present in the conversation but does not appear.

7x04

Buck visits Harbor Station

Sewer rescue (Eddie tells Buck about all the cool stuff he and Tommy have been doing)

Firehouse workout scene (Buck's angling to get an invite to basketball where he can see Tommy)

Basketball game

Tommy visits Buck's loft, first kiss

7x05

First date

Conversation with Maddie

Conversation with Eddie

Coffee date

7x06

Bachelor party

Hospital kiss

7x09

Medal ceremony

Conversation with Bobby (Tommy's good people)

7x10

Dinner scene

8x01

Birthday party scene

8x05

Tommy comes to the hospital for Buck's shoulder

Tommy and Buck at home before bed

Breakfast scene and discovering boils

Eddie comes over to look at the boils.

Waiting at the hospital for Denny

Cemetery

8x06

Miceli's anniversary date

Talking with Josh and Maddie

Final loft scene

Now.

This is not a lot of scenes. It's 24 scenes total. But what's even more telling is that 18 out of those 24 scenes are from the first two eps (when the relationship was being established) or the last two (when it was being dissolved, although that isn't apparent until the last scene).

So...six scenes in between. And that's counting one scene Tommy didn't appear in. Six scenes to carry the relationship between establishing it and breaking it down.

It felt like more, didn't it?

I can tell you why that is. Because the fandom took away from those scenes faaaaaar more than just the content of the scenes.

The birthday party scene was short, but from it the fandom inferred: Tommy is being incorporated into Eddie's life. He's maintaining contact with Chris and important enough to be included in this zoom call. He and Buck are relaxed and flirty with each other. There's some sexual sparks between them. Eddie's comfortable with the two of them.

The dinner scene was less than one minute, but from it the fandom inferred: They're cooking at home together. Buck's coming home to his person after a hard day. Tommy's opening up about his father, and their relationship isn't great. Tommy's asking about Buck and being concerned about his emotional state. Buck is listening intently to what Tommy's telling him. They have a close, settled rapport. Tommy's comfortable in Buck's kitchen. They're being flirty/naughty a bit and enjoying it. They have a healthy sexual relationship.

Tommy wasn't even there for Buck's conversation with Bobby, but from it the fandom inferred: Bobby approves of this relationship. He has seen how Buck has been while dating Tommy, and it's doing wonders for him. He hasn't had to talk about it with him or ask. He's used to seeing Buck to go Tommy overnight, motioning to the bag Buck is packing. He's happy they're dating and is all but giving his blessing for it to go on long term. Bobby is Buck's father figure, and Buck will take this as a confirmation that he's on the right path this time.

So these scenes are doing a lot of heavy lifting, but is the show doing that, or was it us?

Now, none of the inferences I just described are WRONG. Everything I just said is totally reasonable for the fandom to take from those scenes. But a casual viewer, or someone who didn't care about or like the relationship, wouldn't take that much from it. And how much we examined, analyzed and discusses every single scene in depth magnified its presence in our minds until the relationshp gains a weight in the storyline that really...isn't there as much as we thought it was.

It was NOT unreasonable or delusional of us to think this relationship was being positioned to be long term. If they had continued, if 8x06 had ended happily, that would be the first beat in the continuation. It wouldn't feel out of place that the intervening ten or so episodes only had like four scenes of them, because more would be coming, and for a potential LTR, it doesn't matter that much. So how much of that positioning was more about Tommy's identity as a character, his potential as a new member of the 118 firefam, his friendship with Eddie, him being a firefighter. The only one of those things that the show actually used was his friendship with Eddie.

It's a waste of potential. But I can't exactly call Buddie fans wrong when they say it was underdeveloped. It was developed GREAT...by us. It started real strong, trickled off, and then built up again just to end. 8x05 was by far their strongest episode, and if they'd done one or two more like that in the interim, with Tommy a much more present character, it would have been even clearer that he was to continue. But now...it just feels hollow.

I still don't know if they meant this to be a "starter" relationship all along (I still think you don't give the starter boyfriend the heroic rom-com hospital kiss, but it's clear by now I don't understand a lot of the writers' thinking) or if they were originally thinking long term and pivoted at some point. I'm frankly tired of theorizing about that. But it feels like season 7 was a lot more committed to the relationship than 8 was. The few scenes they had, had more import.

Anyway. I'm not casting any aspersions. If we read more into things than was intended, well, that's more or less the short definition of fandom.

It was fun while it lasted and I will always love the relationship, even if we never see it return.

[mylittlediarys-stuff]

Bite Back Part 11

It’s a Sunday morning after the party, and the trio are eating at a local Denny's.

“So, how was your first high school party?” Francesca asked, taking a bite of her waffles.

“Umm… it was surprisingly good, I guess?” Amaka thought about the experience for a moment. She’d spent here time  drinking alcohol, testing how much it would take to get drunk, and spent the rest of the night watching people do stupid stuff for entertainment. “I’d rate it a solid 5 out of 10.”

“Five? Why so low?” Ram asked.

“Not enough hot guys to look at,” Amaka said before realizing what she’d just admitted. “Forget I said that.”

If she weren’t darker than chocolate, she’d swear her face had turned red.

“You should say more stuff like that. You’ll make way more friends,” Ram said.

“Maybe even a boyfriend,” Francesca added.

Something about their teasing softened Amaka’s expression. She wasn’t used to people saying nice things about her (other than Alfred).

“Anyway, you drank so much, but you don’t even have a hangover?” Francesca asked.

“Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. Maybe I have a high tolerance or something. Plus, by the fourth drink, I’m pretty sure it was watered down, or someone started adding juice to it.”

She noticed both her friends had mild hangovers, though they seemed better by the time they made it to Denny’s.

“Actually, Francesca, whose car were you driving? Do you even have a license?” 

“Nah, I drive without a license. The car’s my dad’s—he doesn’t care unless I get caught, and I doubt that’ll happen. I’ll be 16 in a few months, so it doesn’t even matter,” Francesca said casually.

The words made Amaka choke on her pancakes.

She’s driving illegally! No wonder her turns and stops were so rough.

She wanted to tell her friend how irresponsible that was, but she couldn’t exactly judge. She was literally a tenth-grader who had 20 drinks last night. She was only 15.

-

Somehow, the group ended up at an old thrift shop. Amaka didn’t feel like going home yet, and the other two didn’t want to head back to their dorms.

“Miss Wayne, have you even been in one of these?” Francesca teased. “Or do you buy all your stuff at Gucci?”

“I prefer Dior or Chanel, and yes, I’ve been to thrift shops. I used to go all the time.”

Ram and Francesca busied themselves looking for outfits for a party they planned to attend next week. Meanwhile, Amaka wandered around, taking in the store.

It smells like death in here.

Thrift shops always had that musty, unidentifiable smell, like someone had died, and no one cared enough to get rid of the body. Despite hating the stench, it brought back memories—good ones. Memories from before she became Amaka Wayne. Back when she couldn’t afford Dior boots.

This smell kind of puts me at peace.

Instead of browsing clothes, Amaka explored the old household appliances and outdated tech.

These computers don’t even look that bad.

Most of the tech seemed to be from late 90s from the early 2000s.

An idea sparked in her mind. 

What could I build with this?

Building her own tech was something she’d always been interested in. As a kid, she used to tell herself she’d become the next Tony Stark.

If it works out, I could show Bruce. Maybe he’d be impressed.

Amaka knew she had a bad habit of craving her family’s approval. Ever since she joined them, she’d done everything to impress them—winning awards, getting straight As—but deep down, she wondered if there would ever be space for her in their hearts.

-

“How was the sleepover, Miss Amaka?” Alfred greeted her when she finally got home.

She’d returned later than expected, just three hours shy of dinner. She and her friends had spent far more time at the thrift shop than planned.

“It was actually pretty nice. Thank you for asking.” She took the bags from Alfred’s hands. The man was too old to be doing manual labor. “But it was quite loud. Where is everyone?”

“They’re in the clock tower for an important meeting. Apparently, there’s a mission tonight,” Alfred said. “Would you like a cup of tea or something to eat?”

“No, thank you. I’ll eat during dinner.”

An important mission?

Amaka envied her siblings. It had taken her only three days to figure out that the Waynes had... unusual nighttime activities. When she confronted them about it, they didn’t even acknowledge her discovery.

Though she never admitted it, she hoped Bruce would train her like the others. It never happened. She hadn’t even stepped foot in the clock tower. She once overheard a convection with Bruce and one of brother, Dick Bruce told him how the girl was strong but slow at the same time, they didn’t need an dead weight on the team. Dick agreed and mention t her father that she wasn’t hero material like the rest of them. Simply they believe she didn’t have what they need. 

But why would they care about me? Why even bring me here? I’m just a charity case, aren’t I? 

notes:

Sorry for not updating for a while but I've been busy with school and applying for colleges. In the next few chapters, we'll see some spider action no more pity party for our girl. Thank you for reading :)

tag list:

@mariadvorak @mynameisnotlaura @azure-drag0ness

[yallthemwitches]

The Gift

“It would be really sexy you know—you and me all greasy, getting the bike fixed up in the hot sun. Maybe we could take a break down by the pond? I can wash you off with my—” “Are you serious? You think you are going to seduce me into helping you?” She feels him wiggle his hips against her. “Is it working?”

A short, silly one (with the triumphant return of Euphemia!) for @jilytoberfest Day 23: Indulging in Hobbies.

AO3 Here

“Oh my gods.”

“Darling, please don’t be angry.”

“Oh my GODS.”

“Look I promise we will make it safe—wear a hamlet or whatever they are called—we just need a little help is all.”

Lily whips around, her boyfriend shrinking away from her as she glares at him.

“What does Remus say about this?” She demands, mouth fixed in a straight line.

“He says to ask you.”

It sounds like Remus: deflecting to get out of complete lunacy. She honestly can’t even be mad at him for it.

“No. I’m not doing it.”

James takes a step forward, eyes round like globes under his glasses, pouting with a jutted lower lip.

“Please baby. You’re the smartest witch I know and—”

“Flattery isn’t going to get you anywhere, Potter.”

She looks back at the motorbike. The sleek finish glints in the summer light. She isn’t too keen on cars in general, but she knows a solid make and model when she sees one. 

“What do you plan on even doing with this thing? Can’t you just apparate?”

James sighs and shakes his head like he would re-explaining a simple charm to a first year.

“It’s a gift for Sirius—ever since we watched Easy Rider he’s been itching for one.”

So it’s her fault. At the time it had been cute how Sirius’ eyes turned wide like a child watching Dennis Hopper hallucinate his way through America, but now she hopes the motorcycle is the only takeaway the boys had globbed on to. She makes a mental note: Don’t show them movies with remotely bad ideas.

James sneaks up on her while she is lost in thought, grabbing around her stomach and pulling her against him. His lips are at her ear, grazing gently against the crest. 

“It would be really sexy you know—you and me all greasy, getting the bike all fixed up in the hot sun. Maybe we could take a break down by the pond? I can wash you off with my—”

“Are you serious? You think you are going to seduce me into helping you?”

She feels him wiggle his hips against her. “Is it working?”

She pushes him off. Taking one last wary look at the bike before trudging up the lane towards the Potter Mansion, James following at her heels.

“Lily, wait—how about we talk about this, you know, outside and away from the house.”

Lily reads between the lines: his parents don’t know.

She walks through the front door and into the brightly lit sitting room. The large bay windows shine down on various exotic plants lining the bookshelves around where Euphemia sits, flipping through a muggle manuscript while a quill scratches various notes on a pad next to her.

“Oh Lily dear, James said you might drop by,” Euphemia stands, ruffling her long, unruly black hair that curtains her face like a thunder cloud. “Glad he is letting you see more of the house than just his bedroom for once.”

She makes a taunting side-eye at her son who is now sporting rosy cheekbones. 

“Lovely to see you Mrs. Potter.”

“--Please, Ephie, dear,” Euphemia tuts.

“..Right, sorry. Uhm–” Lily cuts herself off. With the momentum of her annoyance now gone, she begins to have second thoughts on narcing on her boyfriend, feeling a little too much like a child tattling on the playground. But Euphamia is no novice, lifting an eyebrow she jumps her gaze between the couple in mild interest. 

“Oh good. So what did he do this time, hm?” Euphemia sits back down, grabbing a glass of red liquid off the shelf and taking a sip. “You know, I’m very happy to have another voice of reason around this household—poor Remus was needing a holiday.”

Lily glances back at a frowning James, tilting her head in concession. 

“Well, I don’t know how but James got hold of a muggle motorbike–”

Euphemia doesn’t look up from her book, flipping a page. “Motorbike? Like motorcycle?”

“Yes, it's the same thing actually.”

“Yes dear, I know—that doesn’t happen to be the motorcycle the ministry had me confiscate from that American bloke with the sex cult does it, James?”

Lily whips her head around. Fear has been replaced on James’ features with something else, something more knowing and wile. Oh my god he’s going to get away with this. 

“Er, if I’m not mistaken he was a sex magic leader not cultist—but yes, I thought I could charm it to fly as a gift for Sirius.”

His mother looks up at him, lips pursed in amusement. It’s a look that Lily is still getting used to seeing on someone else’s features. It’s nearly identical to James’ when he is plotting something. 

“Ah, how exciting. Parsons would have loved that for his beloved bike—Merlin rest his soul—bet I have his partner’s contact information around here...she’s absolutely raging mad you know, but would get a kick out of hearing the bike is getting a magical use…”

Lily stares slack jawed as Euphemia starts rummaging through her desk drawer, pulling out a contact card holder and having it flip on its own. 

“Wait, I’m sorry, you can’t be serious.” LIly sputters out, trying to ignore the smug look now plastered to her boyfriend’s face. 

“Oh no, don’t worry. Marjorie might be a muggle but she’s been in the know for decades—even rumored to have shagged Hector Fawley when he was Minister…absolutely wild what politicians can get away with—”

Lily is at a loss for words. With Euphemia now deep in her own rabbit hole, she turns back to James, finding him triumphant if not glowing. 

“I don’t know what I expected—your whole lot is absolutely mad,” she mutters. James barks out a laugh and pulls her into an embrace, dusting his fingers under her ribs for good measure. 

“See what you get to look forward to if we get married?”

Lily groans into his shirt. “The key word being if.”

“Take it back.” James leans in and kisses her temple, then tilts her head up to continue down her cheek until he reaches her lips, making the presence of his mum feel hazy and distant.

“Oh, Lily dear,” Euphemia pulls them both back like a sudden snap of a band, “Before my son gets too ahead of himself with teenage lust, would you be a dear and double check his charm work on the bike when he’s done? Magical or not, those things are dangerous little buggers—”

[vintagetvstars]

Avery Brooks Vs. Ricardo Montalban

Propaganda

Avery Brooks - (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Spenser: For Hire) - ben sisko absolute all time tv dilf and have you heard him SPEAK... the stage background absolutely shows and it truly makes him a standout in a legacy franchise *full* of incredibly talented people. also frankly top 3 all time sexy bald guy

Ricardo Montalban - (Fantasy Island, Star Trek) - While not a tv show, he was 62 years old when he played Khan in the Wrath of Khan movie and he had the best pecks in the business. His chest is so good no one believes its real. In an interview in 2017 the director said, "I have been asked this question 23,472 times. I stopped answering it at 71." but even he said he asked if 'that was really his chest?' the first time he saw it (Source), His run as the star of Fantasy Island was his big roll after this movie. He was also apparently a good dad to his 4 kids, and was married to his wife for 63 years until her death (Source).

- No Negative Propaganda Please -

Master Poll List | How to submit propaganda | What is vintage? (FAQ)

Additional propaganda below the cut

Avery Brooks:

Avery is a certified TV sci-fi hottie as Benjamin Sisko in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The first black star trek Captain, he also negotiated his signature look - the bald head and goatee - against haters who thought a Captain should always be clean-shaven. Thank God for that, because he looks devastatingly hot in a a goatee (a phrase never before uttered). He went on to direct several episodes of DS9, use his pleasant voice to record music and multiple host documentaries, and mostly retire from acting to teach as a professor.

TW: Flashing Lights

with that wonderful stentorian baritone voice he could move from intimidating commander to gentle and compassionate space dad...benjamin sisko is a man of many qualities, thoughtful, morally complex, understatedly hilarious, a lil unhinged, really really excited about baseball, and avery brooks never fails to breathe life, depth and dimension into the character and also did i mention his voice. fun fact he was a professor of theater arts at rutgers while filming deep space nine and would occasionally teach classes via vhs tapes recorded on set, complete with starfleet uniform. he also directed a number of ds9 episodes including notable ones like "rejoined" and "far beyond the stars", and performed many of his own stunts as sisko. stunt coordinator dennis madalone said, "of all the stars that I've worked with on all the Star Treks, and all the other shows that I've been on other than Star Trek, I've never seen an actor so physically capable of just doing everything...every time I'd bring in a stunt double, he'd be angry, sitting on a bench, because Avery was doing so great." he's also a distinguished stage actor and an accomplished musician and singer who's performed everything from jazz to opera. science has yet to discover whether there's anything this man can't do.

Ricardo Montalban:

He was a famous spokesperson for Chrysler and the way he said "Corinthian Leather" was a meme. Here he is seducing us with his voice in a Chrysler commercial

[fcthots]

RAAAAA RA RA I HAD NOTIFS ON FOR THISSS

but I get it I’m finishing up exams rn you’ve got this boss I’m sure you did great 💪💪💪💪

All I can envision is Jason with a partner who thinks the extra violence is stupid hot. And you know, maybe they don’t love murder, but they’re not gonna discourage their bf from achieving his goals!!!

He texts them at 2 in the morning: “I’m gonna kill someone in a Denny’s parking lot” and they respond (not even thirty seconds later) with: “whatever u say beautiful do u need help dumping the body”

and you know, it’s partially because after you learned what Jason went through, you felt like they had no right to tell him how to live his life. And it’s partially because you know when Jason kills somebody, they deserve it. And a tiny, miniscule part of you also cannot stop remembering Jason, covered in blood, chest heaving, after a guy jumped you in an alleyway and Jason beat the ever loving fuck out of him before taking you back home.

HELL YEAH BABE!!! also i did unfortunately fail. apparently writing hardcore smut doesn't help you in calculus :(

You would not have thought that your first feeling upon seeing your boyfriend covered in the blood of a man who had his hand wrapped around your throat approximately 11 seconds ago would be lust, but fuck Jason looked divine. There's something so gorgeous and ethereal about him when he looks like that. You're not sure if it's the blood or how he defended you. probably both.

But that image of him standing tall over you like some sort of fucked up guardian angel would be seared into your brain forever. You'd be lying if you said you weren't transported back to that moment every time he came back to your apartment covered in some other threat's blood. Something about it shuts your brain off. It makes you feel safe, proves you're safe. He's protecting you. His chest is heaving up and down after the adrenaline rush, and his throat is moving with the effort of breathing.

You shake your head and snap out of your thoughts as you reread the message he sent you.

hey im about to have to kill someone in a denny's parking lot. can you get my hydrogen peroxide out for me?

Your face is heated with the image of how he will look when he comes home. You know that if you play your cards right you can get him to make out with you with the blood still splattered on his face.

You text back.

whatever you say beautiful. let me know if you need anything else <3

Is it bad that you can't wait to see blood in his hair? probably. nope. definitely.

[humanelemental]

I’ve got this fic idea in my head that won’t let me go. I don’t know if I have time to actually write it or not but I need to get it out into the universe. Edit: This took on a life of its own and somehow the spark notes is one of the longest things I’ve ever written. NSFW under the cut though only one part is really graphic. This apparently transformed mid write up from my desire to have Agatha and Rio bang their way down the Road, to my own fixit fic/Nicky resurrection. Anyway:

So picture it yeah? Everything is the same with the road right up until after Billy is injured. Agatha begs Rio not to take him and she’s like 🤷‍♀️. Except what if we diverged. Rio stops time, just for a second, and just for her and Agatha. She tells Agatha she’ll make her a deal, since the road is technically outside of time and space (and they’re both side eyeing each other trying to figure out if the other knows exactly why that is…). She will spare the boy (she was never going to take him in the first place, see the episode 8 revelations, but fuck if she’s telling Agatha that now.) but she gets Agatha in return. Biblically. And Agatha is like are you fucking serious right now???? But oh yes, Rio is dead (heh) serious. She wants to fuck Agatha and in return she’ll spare her little pet for now. And team, Agatha is not a strong woman where her ex wife is concerned. So she agrees.

Rio moves time forward, Billy is saved, rah rah, Rio and Agatha have their little fireside moment with the coven, Agatha flees into the night, Rio follows, they even have their little hug/almost kiss. Except now when Rio says “he’s not your boy,” Agatha just stares at her like she can’t figure out if Rio is an idiot or if she thinks Agatha is. Agatha’s like, “you don’t fucking say,” in the most deadpan voice you’ve ever heard. And, bless her, Rio is like kind of embarrassed and says something to the effect of, “I needed to make sure you knew, this isn’t…that.” And Agatha, now has to face the idea that the answer to her earlier question is that Rio is both an idiot and thinks she is as well. But she’s kind of sweet. Maybe. When she isn’t stealing her son in the dead of night. So Agatha very very slowly is like, “no dear, when you said there was absolutely no way to bring our dead son back, I, inexplicably, believed you.” And then they both blink at each other. Like idiots.

Agatha then goes to walk away like in our original timeline, but Rio grabs her by the arm and stops her. She’s like not so fast sweetheart, “I’m still owed a payment.” And then she kind of throws Agatha against a tree and is like, “I mean to collect.” Agatha is like, right now??? Here???? And Rio is like as long as you’re quiet they won’t suspect a thing. (This is a problem because neither one of them have ever once been quiet in bed. Only one of them cares.)

Insert absolute filth.

Then it keeps happening. Instead of losing the whole coven, every time one of them is about to die, Rio stops time and offers the same deal to Agatha. Except the closer the person is to death, the higher Agatha’s price is. (It’s a wonder she can walk after Alice.) She also counts absurd happenings as near death. Their flight from the Salem Seven counts as 5 different saves, even though Agatha is like, you just made a broom?!? (She still gives Rio her dues, because cmon, it’s Agatha. She just needs to bitch about it a little.) Also the acts keep getting more and more involved each time. Like the first time Rio just ate her out against the tree, but Alice’s near death had her bent over one of those tables in the cottage taking a magic cock, while Rio whispers filthy things in her ear and keeps her in place with those vines she used in the finale. (This is incidentally how they conceived Nicky, and if you don’t think The Green Witch 👹 has a thing about it, the whole growing of new life, I will meet you at the Denny’s and we can sort this out like adults.)

Agatha and CO’s mud bath still happens because even though Rio doesn’t let them die, she does remove the witches from the road. And that actually does take the weird amount of time we see in the show. Agatha doesn’t tell the kid any different because she kind of needs him to come into his own (she likes the kid alright) so he thinks she just killed his friend. And he’s never seen Agatha’s powers, not like that anyway, and doesn’t realize that Alice being missing should be a dead give away that something weird is afoot. Lilia and Jen don’t have a chance to wonder because, again, mud bath.

Things continue on, Lilia is a badass (👸), Rio offers Agatha the choice again, Agatha agrees because a) she kind of likes the idiots, and b) she has just been reacquainted with how incredible her wife is in bed. Rio has to do relatively little to save Lilia, mostly just stop her from hitting the ground when she flips the tower. She then safely takes them out the window, thus giving us the two figures on the card that everyone thought meant two of the 7 had escaped. She then returns to claim her prize.

I know what you’re thinking, how?? But they had time for that long ass conversation in the original. And they do still hash out the whole Billy thing, but Rio offers her the choice up front. Billy’s life, freely given, or Agatha must take his place. As Death’s wife and a previous holder of the Darkhold, Agatha’s soul is weighted more heavily in the Sacred Balance. She would be permitted to take the place of the Demiurge, especially given the circumstances in which he threw off the balance. (Wanda could also do it, if Rio were inclined to haul that mountain off her, but she’s already dealing with Agatha and Maximoff 2.0. Adding in Wanda would drive her to drink.) I think Agatha would be able to figure most of that out, even if she just assumes that Rio gets to decide how her soul is weighed. I’m mostly trying to make sense of why that trade would have been allowed in-universe in the first place.

Rio goes to leave like in the show, but Agatha stops her. She’s like I hate owing you anything, aren’t you going to collect your prize? And Rio is about to be like, fuck you, you just said you never want to see my face again, but Agatha looks so broken that Rio goes back to her, and takes her by the face and kisses her in the most devastatingly soft way she knows how. Then she whispers “Te veo,” one more time and exits.

The last trial happens, Billy finds Tommy and Frankenstein’s him into a new body, Jen is freed, Agatha uses the locket and the seed. (Except when the flower grows, Agatha feels something responding from her inside her, just the faintest traces of magic.)

The fight happens, Rio is unhinged because not only does Agatha not want her, now there’s a second abomination??? After she once again helped her ungrateful wife????? Agatha gets her powers back. She can feel something different, but she’s kind of busy. Billy tries to sacrifice himself, Agatha intervenes, they KISS kiss, (Agatha telepathically tells Rio if she’s going to kiss her goodbye, she expects her to put in some effort damn it.) but this time when Rio’s powers kick in a burst of green magic throws them apart. And then everyone is just kind of looking at each other. And then there’s a very soft, very familiar voice all around them saying, “Mami, that’s enough. They both kept their word. Two sacrifices for two boys. Seems fair to me.” And then the voice is addressing Billy much louder, “Billy Kaplan, as the Prince of the Dead, I grant you your life and that of your twin. So it is written and so it shall be. By the Divine Mother, go free.” And Agatha is on the ground sobbing, Rio is somehow both crying and spitting with rage, and Billy is just 🧍‍♂️. He’s like, am I actually- and Rio is just screaming GO!!!

Agatha is like Rio wtf? And Rio is like do I look like I know what’s happening??? And Nicky From Beyond is like, “stop fighting, I got special permission from grandma er I mean the Powers That Be. Billy is special and he’s gonna need Mama to train him before he accidentally rips a hole in space time. Er also I’ll be back with you in a few months and I really don’t want to do visitation. So uh clocks ticking. Bye.” At which point it becomes apparent that Agatha is kinda of definitely pregnant and Rio isn’t ever beating those baby daddy allegations.

And then the green storm disappears, and it’s just Agatha and Rio shell shocked in the back yard. They’re both just staring at each other, Rio is standing, Agatha is on her knees, neither one knows what to say. Finally Agatha is like, fix my sink. And Rio is like ??? Que??? And Agatha, still really quiet is like Fix. My. Fucking. Sink. And honestly she kind of looks like she one second away from strangling Rio to death, logistics be damned, so Rio fixes her sink. And her wall. And her door. And her garden. Ok maybe Rio is doing the witch equivalent of stress cleaning. Agatha is still in the yard. Her eye is twitching. She’s…processing.

Finally, finally she stands up, magics herself into fresh non witch clothes, and comes inside. “I would unpin the fabric of the universe if it meant getting Nicky back.” Rio goes to interrupt, but Agatha holds up a hand, “Loving you is the only other thing in the universe that makes me feel that way. I held more power than any witch before me, I mastered the Darkhold, I have absorbed whole covens, I have tasted pure chaos magic. And the whole of it together couldn’t compare to even the barest of your touches.” She comes closer, and gently takes Rio’s face. “Forgive me, I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking anyway. I never should have told you I didn’t want to see your face. It’s the face I fell in love with.” She wipes Rio’s tears as they fall. “I’m…” she closes her eyes and takes a breath, “I’m sorry Rio. For hiding, for running, for breaking your heart,” she pauses again, “for blaming you for your duty.”

And Lady Death yields one more time. “I hated you for hating me. For your cowardice. I had forgotten how radiantly courage shines on you. I love you, I would forgive you anything if it meant you would walk beside me again of your own free will.”

Agatha nods, “then let’s try again. For Nicky. For us.” A sad look crosses her face. “I understand why you took him, and I understand why you did it when you did, but understanding does not erase the pain. Can you give me time for that?” Rio flinches and starts to withdraw, but Agatha holds firm on her face, “I’m not leaving you, not again, I’m just asking for patience when I’m, well, me. You know how my sunny disposition waxes and wanes.” Rio gives a watery laugh and nods, leaning forward to seal the deal with a kiss.

Boy howdy that got away from me, and now it’s half stream of consciousness/half written fanfic. Like I said, idk if I’m going to have time to write it or if anyone would be interested in it. If you see anything you like feel free to yoink it. Also I have a long running headcannon that Death is like the eldest child of Life, and so when Nicky said he got permission from grandma that’s who he was talking about.