#even though it’s definitely not the worst thing a dog could experience

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

Prayers for my dog Ginger would be really really appreciated <3

[hana-no-seiiki]

Omg the dog shapeshifter ask is amazing but like- cat. i can already imagine Tim being all over you and being one of those guys where half his personality is just that he has a cat. Dick would 120% invest in those hoodies with the pouch to carry their cats, and Jason just carries you everywhere (wiggles be danmed).

The only person who has any qualms about it is Alfred because everything is covered in cat hair lmao.

meow. more pawtastic cat villain! reader w/ batfam

@sophiethewitch1 👅

You tended to take the lead when it came to your relationships with the Robins

They were just too busy with duty and heroism that they rarely ever took the time to be or get into relationships. So you would help them, cover them in that area per se.

Though there were times, like an actual cat, that you suddenly hate their asses or be indifferent. You didn’t notice it yourself really. Sometimes you were just stressed from real life problems and whatnot

or dealing with Bruce’s constant sermons about how you were a bad influence on Jason. Blaming you for all these strung up bodies across the streets of Gotham that had been tied up with yarn and catnip.

sometimes you just wanted to reel back the persona you’ve built up as a villain and just chill out

but you see, if there’s anyone who would notice the slightest change in your demeanor it would be the batboys

Tim and Jason would be the first. They spend the most time with you.

Instead of giving them a kiss or a quick fuck after a job well done, you’d just say goodbye and leave.

Not even in your signature cat joke filled way of saying goodbye

Hell you would even just teleport out of there without a word

Tim would have most likely observed you more, but Jason? Jason would be on your ass in seconds

“Hey, kitty? We need to talk.“

Did I mention that the boys love to use various cat related nicknames for you? The cringier the better.

(Damian just calls you pussy at times)

In anycase, Jason knocks on your door. But you do not respond. Like, for a long fucken time.

Ofc, he smashed the door open.

And what does he see?

Well first it was nothing. I mean his eyes weren’t directly on the floor immediately . But then he move his gaze down,

You, in your cat form.

He just about screams. Shrieks. Like I could maintain his sense of dignity for you dear reader but nah. It started as a shout of surprise before it turned into a high pitched cry, and lastly cooing.

He’s confused at first and is worried about your sudden disappearance til you cleared things up.

Something about a curse that turns you into an actual cat at random moments.

You said it interrupted a lot of your civilian business (school, work, etc.) and so your mental health and well being took a decline.

And boy did Jason go mom mode.

He’s more on the practical side. He makes sure you’re comfortable and guarded especially when in dangerous situations.

Will never let you go on a heist with this curse on going. What if you get shot by a guard? What if you get kidnapped by those horrid animal pounds? Not to mention those perverts that would… no he shook his head.

Definitely keeps you within arms reach at all if not most times.

Tim finds out soon after. You tried to ask him to respect your privacy, but he couldn’t help himself. He was scared to death that he did something wrong or exposed something he did that breached your trust.

He immediately buys a ton of cat related products for you.

Not only that he does an extensive amount of research on cat health and diets.

His rooms gets covered by different studies on cat cellular makeup before he realizes that

Oh crap, he kinda enjoyed this.

And he hasn’t looked up how to actually cure this curse of yours.

Damian soon follows. He’s got it the worst out of all members.

Prides himself with his wide experience and knowledge with animals.

He uses visits to the vet as a threat when you misbehave.

But you’re a villain, you don’t get scared easily right? What’s the worse that could happen at the vet’s?

… yeah he almost got you neutered/spayed.

Safe to say that you were much more obedient after that.

Bruce isn’t that available or good with pets, so he mostly just funds whatever the boys do hoping that it’d lead to them not destroying stuff or killing people for you any more than before the curse.

Dick is the last to find out, and that was because Tim dropped a whole thesis about why the latter should definitely have more [Y/N]-cat-duty hours!

I mean just look at those charts! Your happiness is definitely at its highest when you’re with him

(ignoring the fact that he showers you with catnip)

Dick is definitely the

Cuteness aggression that borders on abuse type of cat owner

Very touchy with you.

And yes he invests a lot of money to get have pouches on his suits for you to be in. If not you’d be like that one cat from Spiderman Miles Morales just hanging out from a backpack of sorts, designed so you’ll never fall out.

Collars.

These men have collectively spent around hundreds of thousands of dollars on cat related shit

And you’re still wondering how tf this curse came to be

[turbulentscrawl]

Since the topic of body hcs and body hair hcs overall...may I ask what do you think survivors smell like? I've seen some people differ and I just wanna know your thoughts ;w;

Also, we've gotta be honest. They *will* stink at times, specially after matches. But hey that's only but natural so *shrugs*.

They definitely smell more distinct than I think we'd be used to in general, yeah. And I DON'T think most of them smell unique enough to say how they're different from others, specifically, but there are a few things to consider, if we're looking at it a little more realistically:

More regular cleanliness was becoming normal in the 1800s, when most of the survivors were from, but the actual frequency of bathing varied by class and career. Showering daily still was not common until the 1900s, though. Even without any concerns about water supply in the manor, I would imagine most of them average a full clean-up maybe twice a week? A little more for those who get into actual filth on their days off. (looking at Emma, since she digs in the dirt and spend a lot of time outside.)

Deodorent was not invented until 1888, and didn't become popular until the 1930s or so. And most early deodorents didn't come with much in the way of additional scents, rather they just killed bacteria that caused excess body odors. Most of the people in the manor would not have used this, except perhaps the latest arrivals like Frederick and Alice. Instead, before deodorant, people took steps like shaving their underarms to prevent more sweat and bad scents, and used products like perfume and talcum powder to freshen up and get rid of odors.

Fancier soaps were around in the 1800s, but were used sparingly and economically. The lower class especially would have made their own ashen lye soap to bathe and wash their clothes. (Which, if you've never smelled unscented lye soap, is not pleasant to the nose imo. It's a bit of a pungent chemical smell, mixed with the scent of whatever the soap base was, which was usually lard and olive oil.) More expensive soaps could have been made from things like almond oil, coconut oil, or goat's milk, plus herbs or extracts for something much better smelling.

There's not a ton of hard labor to do in the manor, which would keep some people from working up so much of a sweat, but there's not likely an AC there. On the plus side, I don't imagine there's too much weather fluctuation in the manor for the sake of keeping the passage of time as confusing as possible, which also means it's not getting too hot. Most of the temperature changes you experience would be on the maps. I also don't think a lot of the Hunters would sweat! Any of those who have been dead and were brought back probably don't perspire anymore, though they may have the slightest hint of something off about them.

In short...yeah there's definitely more BO than we're used to in most modern settings. Most of the people in the manor are going to smell pretty natural--which won't always be offensive to the nose, mind you, since they say the smell of someone who's right for you will smell GOOD--plus some talcum/baby power or perfume scents to 'soften the blow' a bit. (Though it wasn't really in fashion to DROWN yourself in perfume by most of these peoples' time, so I think only a few people might lay it on too thick. Mary or Vera, for instance.)

And some people probably maintain very small scent hints about their professions or lives before the manor, just to distinguish them up close. Luchino has a touch of carbolic acid on his clothes, from sterilizing tools in the lab. Norton still smells of coal and minerals, just a touch. Victor smells a bit like sun-heated dog due to walking around outside all day with Wick, and Ithaqua like snowy pine trees from his years wandering and guarding winter woods. You get the idea.

I won't say who I think smells the worst or the best because that;s just too subjective--especially since I've revealed I don't like the smell of lye which is probably what most of them would have used LOL. But I'm definitely not one to say 'let's fully suspend our disbelief and say Naib smells freshly showered and uses Old Spice 😜'.

[lmskitty]

I'm trying to function at work but no thoughts head empty only Satoru Gojo bf headcanons. ( A lot of which I've discussed with @ellionwrites on occasion because I simp for Gojo hard. God help me)

I bet he'd give the best hugs.

I bet he ruffles you on the head when he sees you and messes your hair up everytime.

He constantly calls you sweetheart, baby, honey all sweet terms of endearment.

I bet he buys you sweets while he's on trips away and then fucking eats them all on the journey home and you can't even be mad about it because its him and he does this EVERYTIME.

Like he's objectively the worst boyfriend.

He's not actually gods gift at sex (though he thinks he is) people have thrown themselves at him for so long he's never had to really put much effort in and that has meant you've actually had to teach him a few things. It's ok though he is definitely a fast learner and treats the whole experience like a challenge.

He has issues with sensitivity due to the infinity and gets overstimulated. Hes got a good refractory period thankfully but he tends to put off penetration for a bit because he knows letting anyone past his barriers is intense. Super into kink, loves being tied up, loves pegging. Loves you on top so he gets to watch your expressions.

(from the light novel CANON CONTENT BABYYYY)

His bad habit though is he just fucking warps away just after sex and leaves you in the wet patch after he said he'd get you a glass of water and then doesn't understand why you're so mad when he texts you like TWO weeks later

"u up? ❤️❤️❤️"

And of COURSE you let him back in the house because come on?!? How could you deny him when he pulls his blindfold up and gives you puppy dog eyes and he's so lovely and cuddly and he's just had his hair done so you get to run your fingers through that soft undercut but then you realise the next morning he's eaten all your fucking cereal again and has disappeared before you even got a goodbye.

He sends you a picture of you snoring later and tells you he misses your cute face. It's like the worst picture of you ever.

(he makes the picture of you snoring his wallpaper and won't let you delete it)

He never replies back to messages and is ALWAYS late for your dates but god he makes you laugh so much your stomach hurts and he likes to take you out on shopping dates and buy you everything you even remotely glance at.

Hes a giant nerd. He loves a good movie date with you, lays on your chest while you stroke his hair on his ridiculously large and comfortable sofa and you always think he's gonna use the proximity to seduce you but NOPE he just talks through the whole damn film about the film and his theories and weird behind the scenes stuff. If you try and kiss him he shushes you because he wants you to concentrate on the cinematography.

He's the worst and also the best and I miss him so much.

[pokemenlovingmen]

YAAAY TRANSMASC ACE MAN BLOG!! (IM THAT TOO!!!)

Speaking of ace(sex repulsed ace) how about an x reader with arven were the reader comes out as ace?(trans+gay reader ofc, he/they/it btw! :D)

Btwwww before anyone claims this,,,,, I’ll be,,,,,,, “🐾🦴 dog bone anon” :3

Hi dog bone anon!! With all the ace transmascs I’ve been getting in my inbox it’s pretty clear I’ve found my target audience—and they’re all just like me fr fr.

I’d love to write this coming out story with our favorite sandwich man! I love writing about the queer experience, at least the experience I can say I’m familiar with. Ace acceptance rules :)

A Bit of News — Coming out as ace to Arven

🥪 — Okay point and laugh, give him the olympic medal for jumping to conclusions, when you said you had something “important you wanted to talk privately about” he automatically assumed the worst.

🥪 — Unbeknownst to you, he might actually be even more nervous than you when you sit down to talk. He doesn’t do well with sudden news.

“So, Arv… uh, I don’t know how else to say this. But I talked it through with some friends, and you’re my boyfriend, so you deserve to know. I’m… asexual. Y’know…? I really hope it’s not too disappointing to hear… I mean, I don’t want this to change anything about our relationship, but if it’s something that makes it harder to stay together because you’re not comfortable with it or it’s too restricting for you, I understand.”

🥪 — He blinks. You stare at him, biting your lip nervously.

🥪 — Oh, wait… that’s all?

🥪 — He lets out a massive sigh of relief and smiles at you.

“Oh, that’s it? Phew! Sorry, I kinda got nervous there that something really bad had happened. That’s a load off my mind.”

“So, wait, you’re… not upset about the asexual thing?”

“Huh? Why would I be upset about it?”

“Well, it kinda interferes with a big part of a lot of relationships and all…”

“S/O? Do you really think we’d be here, having this conversation, if I was just in it to get you in my bed? There’s probably hundreds of guys out there I could look at and go ‘oh man, he’s so hot’, but there’s only one of you. And I’m not saying I don’t find you hot or anything—but ehh, that’s besides the point—it’s just that there are a billion other things that I like about you past your body. And that’s a billion other reasons to stay with you.”

“Arv, Arceus, you’re too good to me… so you really don’t mind?”

“Definitely not. It’s gonna take way more than that to get rid of me!”

🥪 — After your talk, though (and the deep kiss and wonderful cuddle session that followed), he’s probably got some questions. I imagine he’d be the type to repress his own sexuality for a long time to begin with, so be doesn’t exactly know much about the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. He wants to know more, both to be involved more in the queer community, and also to establish and respect a comfort zone for you!

🥪 — He’s always very polite when he does have questions to ask and always reminds you that you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. But it’s a lot easier to talk about your sexuality, the way you express it, how you figured it out, how it makes certain things feel, when you have Arven there being so genuinely curious and wanting to learn about these things.

🥪 — You can also tell when he did research because he’ll be confirming some really silly facts about the community with you the next morning (i.e., asking you if you really like cake to confirm the memes he saw online. He sorta conducts himself like a confused grandpa trying to be supportive but not really knowing what to do, and you tell him so. He hates you for saying that. >:| ).

🥪 — So speaking of the classic asexual “I’d rather have cake” meme, you find him baking you cakes with alarming frequency because he thinks he’s being funny.

🥪 — Overall, this really doesn’t alter your relationship with Arven much. You’re still his handsome and perfect boyfriend, which he’ll make known anytime you like. He already loved you so much and like he said, hearing you are ace changes none of that.

“Anyone who would only want you for your body is insane anyway, S/O. Really, only your body? I’m mad at anyone who would think like that and they’re just hypothetical people, like, you’d have to be the dumbest person in the world to get with someone as perfect as you and think your body is the only thing that’s worthwhile. Even if I was disappointed about you being ace, there’s literally hundreds of other things about you to love that mean way more than sex ever could.”

“You’re getting worked up about this.”

“I just—I love you, okay?? And I’m getting upset thinking there’s anyone that would treat you like that!”

“Yeah, you really showed those hypothetical people what for. You tell ‘em, Arven.”

[shivroyisbisexual]

one of those things that I find pathetic are those succession fans who make videos and comments on videos where they GENUINELY root for the man with the most “top dog” vibes and have a whole running hierarchy in their minds about it.

It’s one thing to analyze the show for that — I definitely do, and the characters within the show definitely are keeping score within their different information-limited perspectives. It’s important, a key part of the culture and what makes the characters tic as people.

It’s another thing to really buy in and huff top dog farts about it.

Here’s my list of red flags for boring dude bro succ commenter (woman inclusive term though it’s usually men)

In honor of it being a show about rich fucks I’m using the little golf red flag emoji

⛳️ promotes and defends Logan’s politics and behavior as great and true right down to repeating his lines on being totally self made, knowing how people “really are”, how everyone is out to get him for no reason, he’s a strong family man, he should be in charge because he’s strong enough to tell it like it is blah blah

⛳️ that fucking “hard times make hard men who make good times that make soft men that leads to hard times” crap or however it goes — they really believe in this shit

⛳️ Logan’s word is gospel, to the point of quoting his views line for line as THE literal truth summary of a situation or character

⛳️ The above is taken as true especially about himself and his kids, but this goes triple for anything he says about Shiv. If he says Roman has no fucking acumen that’s taken to be probably mostly true, but Roman is seen as able to rise up and prove him wrong. If he says Kendall is not a killer, that’s probably mostly true, but Ken is seen as able to “rise up” and prove him wrong. If he says Shiv has no real experience and isn’t as smart as she thinks she is, not only is that unquestionably true but she can never rise above it AND she’s not just not as smart as she thinks she is she’s downright stupid. The worst. Definitely married Tom 100% because she’s a coward and that’s alllllll there is to it because notorious family man Logan is an oracle. Perfect font of wisdom. Interestingly this is also how the wrapped around Logan’s finger grown up abused kids act when stressed — they throw Logan’s take downs of each other in each other’s faces as unquestionable truths

⛳️ has little or nothing to say about Connor other than memeing him or calling him likable because he’s not in the fight for succession really and he’s too on the nose a parody of “anarcho capitalists”/“libertarian” crank leaders whose 1%er (in more than 1 sense) runs for high office these boring dude bros have likely donated to and hyped before

⛳️ succeeding Logan is consistently viewed as an unqualified “win”, as is becoming “a killer” like Logan even if a few flourishes toward how evil he is are made, or how they would be better off cashing out. Commenter still reverts to succession = winning. Adopting Logan’s personality = winning. Except for Shiv mostly, she’s just a cold two faced b*tch especially if she acts more like Logan to Tom.

⛳️ former game of thrones viewer who’s main interest was Who Would Win (tm) mostly adjudicated based on who was confident and powerful with snappy lines or bold moves that day and probably was a dude or could be said to owe her shit to a dude or they predicted she’d win but would be horrible as a ruler and wouldn’t “deserve it”

⛳️ even if they hide it you can tell the vibe is they do think any sign a character is gay or bi is a mark against them like they’re definitely laughing at it in a “haha eww” (mentally deducts points) kinda way

⛳️ super basic conventional dude bro views on the wives, girlfriends and escorts being gold diggers, with 0 introspection on the dynamics of that when true being the fault of the rich man leveraging being rich and choosing it also, not being some poor baby getting taken for a ride by a master manipulator, and 0 interest in the complicated cases where yes the money is the main part of it but also there’s real relationships there in some cases too, or the heartfelt delusions of them at least

⛳️ tends to not remember the names of characters like Sophie, Iverson, Rava, Jess and just call them Kendall’s kids, Kendall’s ex wife, Kendall’s assistant lady

⛳️ hard to quantify or prove but they say the SAME thing like at first you think it’s the same dude but no it’s like 100+ different yt commenters saying the same thing word for word on different succession clip vids. Part of this is for sure yt commenter culture where people get into saying whatever broadly appealing thing gets likes or upvotes or whatever they’re calling it there, similar to reddit

⛳️ switches their views on the likelihood of a character to “win” on a dime with the whole dude bro commenter crowd moving as one, and not really seeming to take time to analyze why they were mislead (if they were) before. Like if they now think something else, they were wrong before, and that raises how and why. Here I’m thinking of the group that was totally all up in arms about Machiavellian Greg now hyping Kendall the Killer After-all. With no introspection on why they were SO easily convinced this other guy was going to get it (more or less because it would be a funny narrative if he did and they saw themselves in him and his “perchance” shit). They just really have a gut reaction to narrative beats that Feel Snappy and either clever or dominant, and therefore significant. But they have to rationalize and act like it’s more than it is.

🪂 Special shout out to a different set of succession commenters who annoy me: those think piece writers who claimed Greg and Tom had more “humanity” for sounding like stilted try hards and brought in academics to try and push that.

[giraffefeather]

Absolutely love playing DAII for the first time with minimal knowledge. Like... all I know is Anders blows up the Chantry. At some point.

(Post got long, have a courtesy cut) Spoilers up to the end of Act II.

So I'm just wandering along Kirkwall, doing whatever quests pop up. I somehow managed to acquire Fenris at the VERY END of Act I. Like the last quest before finishing the main quest. I kept wondering when he'd show up.

Meanwhile, I've already decided to romance Anders. (Even though Fenris's voice hit me like a fucking freight train and I very nearly switched sides immediately). And I'm just blindly doing what he asks because he's my future husband, you know?

Totally forgot about the conversation with him about meeting at my house. Went to my house to read a letter and BAM! There's Anders! My Champion is absolutely a moron and definitely forgot in game, but hey, pleasant surprise, right?

And I'm jumping from quest to quest so randomly that I managed to complete Aveline's goofy date quest and then immediately followed it with my mother dying in the most horrific way. The fucking whiplash nearly broke me!

Every decision I make either pisses off Anders or Fenris. But Anders is my boy, and the only other warrior option I have is Aveline and I am not dealing with her! So I have to take Fenris. I have somehow managed to keep his friendship level just above rival, but boy does that elf dislike Hawke. And Anders. Jury's still out on if he likes Varric.

(My Hawke is a dual-blade rogue, so my party is always Anders, Varric, Fenris. For balance! Yeah... not because their banter has me giggling like an idiot)

Thought for sure that Anders was gonna blow up the chantry during his Justice quest. Was mildly disappointed when the Chantry was intact.

But uh... hey Anders? Trying to give away your prized possession to Varric? Keeping secrets? Absolutely eluding to some type of betrayal? WHAT DID YOU DO????? Mentally preparing for the worst while desperately trying to convince him to stop this nonsense or at least TELL ME WHAT THIS NONSENSE IS! (I need to know but I refuse to spoil it).

Haven't looked up any guides except the one for the Books of Evil. Because fuck that one. (I have a desperate need to get every achievement I can, to do every quest available).

Hey, as someone whose very first DA experience was a Qunari Inquisitor... where are the lovable Qunaris? Why do I have to hate and kill all of them as Hawke? Justice for Qunari! (Or at least give me a Tal-Vashoth that survives Kirkwall)

IMMEDIATE distrust of Meredith. What's up with her? No... don't tell me. Not yet.

Why am I so surprised at the amount of swearing in game? I mean DAI wasn't exactly PG, but feels like DAII has the language while DAI has the nudity. Is there nudity in DAII? Do I really want to see it? Or do I just want DAI to say fuck?

I started my playthrough months ago before returning to it. I do not remember naming my dog "Jurn." Why did I name my dog Jurn?? It's not even funny stupid, just stupid stupid!

Checks out for my Hawke. She really is just stupid stupid. Varric is truly holding this team together.

Constantly asking myself what the plot of this game is. Act I, make money. Got it, easy enough. Act II? Qunari for some reason? Act III.... ????

Isabela you little shit, come back to my party! I sided with you and you just up and left?? Come back! I miss you at the Hanged Man...

Bethany has been unavailable for like half the game. I didn't notice her absence for the majority of Act II. Idk why I thought I could just take her from the Circle if I ever wanted to. I just... didn't ever want her in my party. (I feel kinda bad, but with the Hawke family history, I have a sneaking suspicion she won't survive Act III).

I keep hearing about Anders's cat. He keeps talking about kittens. Where is this cat??? When does he get a cat? Can I pet it?

Act I has scarred me and I am hoarding gold like a dragon. I have bought exactly 2 things. An armor upgrade I found for Isabela (who is absolutely never in my party) and a gift I was curious about. That gift was immediately forgotten until I started talking to my companions. Suddenly, I had a gift for everyone that I picked up on my travels. I have no idea which one was the one I bought.

Really need to look into those armor upgrades... It's Act III and everyone is in their beginner armor. Except Isabela. But... she's fucking gone, so...

I love that Varric keeps track of kills. I'm ashamed that my Hawke is an idiot and probably has less than everyone else.

If I hear "out of range" one more fucking time... shut up and do your rogue jump into battle, Hawke. You're embarrassing me.

I keep hearing about this Sebastian fellow. I hope I get to meet him. I think I have all the add-ons. I just don't trust myself to find the right quest to find him. Maybe he's late game?

Love/hate that all my poor decisions come back to haunt me. Refuse to pay the loan shark dwarf? Yeah, we're getting ambushed at every turn. Hawke is very good at making enemies.

Merrill, sweet ray of sunshine, daisy with the eluvian, you scare me. But damn, I really want to see if the eluvian works (reason number 76 why Fenris hates me).

WHY DOES ANDERS ALWAYS BRING ME TO THE SEWERS??? THIS IS NOT VERY ROMANTIC, ANDERS!

Keep forgetting to protect Varric in battle. That man has used more injury kits than I care to count. I love the idea that he keeps telling all this to Cassandra, too. Like "yeah we had to battle the Qunari, but I was knocked out for half of it. Anyway, here's what happened while I was out cold."

Have I mentioned my battle skills are absolutely horrendous? Like button mashing is a strategy, right? Varric having to tell Cassandra, " yeah so we were fighting like 8 shades and 2 rage demons and Hawke was... waving her daggers at an empty corner for 3 minutes."

Hey uh, how does Varric know what went on in the privacy of Hawke's bedroom when Anders came to visit? And why is he telling Cassandra? Varric, I have questions and concerns.

Anyway, I'm loving this game, and how different it is from DAO and Origins. I like that I never know what the main plot is. I mean, yeah, mages vs templars, but I mostly know that from DAI and other lore referring to it. While playing, it just feels like Hawke is a person doing her best to meddle in absolutely everything with no game plan. And it's lovely!

[pico-digital-studios]

👋 ^_^

So, since I can ask you any questions, here’s mine! ^^

Who is your favourite & least favourite character from:

Cartoon

Anime

Video Game

Comic/Manga

Etc

And why? ^^

OMT!Mina: Looks like we got our first question! Considering how obscure our stories seem to be compared to most, I'm honestly quite surprised.

CU!Sonic: Okay, let's see... @btnfstudios asks "Who is your favourite & least favourite character from cartoons, anime, video games, comics, etc., and why?"

OMT!Tails: Since there weren't any tags, I thought we'd take the question first to start things off. Sorry in advance that Antho, Brian and Devy couldn't be here for the question. They had some errands to attend to.

Nitro: That's fine. At least Smol Devy managed to get here!

Smol Devy: Hewwo! ^v^

OMT!Tails: Well, as it happens, aside from me idolising Benjamin, my favourite video game character's gotta be Alex Kidd. I really admire the effort he goes to to ensure his dad's safe from harm.

Nitro: Man, I really admire him for being able to do that, even when I couldn't...

OMT!Tails: (comfortingly) Solidarity, buddy.

Nitro: Anyway, if I was to pick between cartoon characters, I'd say I really admire Fluttershy's gentle and all-loving nature, even in the midst of danger. Trust me, you don't wanna be on the wrong end of her bad temper if she gets into one.

D-Sides Mighty: You know, I really dig Spider-Punk and his refusal to abide by society's perceptions and ideals. Reminds me of how my dimension's refusing to stick to a consistent "canon".

BK!Amy: If it's from my favourite anime, I've gotta go with Tohru Honda. I really enjoyed seeing her know that all bad things have to come to an end someday as well.

CR!Sonia: I don't really see much appeal in the cartoon characters that are solely girly and not much else.

CU!Sonia: Ditto. It's why I admire tomboy female characters from cartoons like Lana Loud, who's less enamoured with dresses and prefers activities the guys get up to like skateboarding.

Nitro: Heh, I remember she looks up to Ronnie-Anne a lot back home.

CU!Sonia: Wait, you used to live in the same town she did?

Nitro: Long story. I'll tell you later, if you'd like.

CU!Sonia: Of course!

CU!Sonic: You know, if a character in any of those media is in a healthy relationship with their loved ones, that's all I need to like for them. That, and good character development, of course.

Mr. Needlemouse: Favourite cartoon character? I am a cartoon character! (smug) What more needs to be said about me?

CR!Sonic: To be fair, you did end up on the list of "Top Worst-Behaved Cartoon Characters" recently.

Mr. NM: That again?! Remind me what I did again?

CR!Sonic: Well, blowing stuff up for the heck of it, you and Beeman being as bad as each other, hello?

EX!Alice: You know, I've really found an admiration for Blue Beetle, in a way. Seeing Batman go out of his way to see if he has what it takes to be a hero is such an honour not a lot of people get to experience.

OMT!Mina: I'd say Sam Sharp's my favourite. Rock and roll!

CR!Sonic: My personal favourite game character to this day? It's gotta be Mario! Dude's just saving the day just outta the goodness of his heart, you know?

Mini Sonic: Hmm, let's see... I'll opt for Green Lantern. I mean, come on! He can build anything just with that ring of his!

Wacky: You know, I've found Tintin to be quite the intrepid adventurer in his comics and film, especially when alongside his dog, Snowy.

Hog: What about Cuphead? Does he count?

Wacky: Well, he started as a video game, not a cartoon, though the similarities are there. Plus, he got his own TV show!

Hog: Cool! Where can I see it?

Wacky: Let's see... Ah, bummer. It's behind a Netflix subscription.

Hog: Hmph! If only there was a way to pirate that so I could watch it.

Nitro: I'm sure Lucia will figure out a way later.

Nine: My favourite in anime's definitely that guy from Fist of the North Star. I mean, he's almost unstoppable with those rapid-fire punches and hitting weak points. Omae wa mou shindeiru!

CR!Manik: I'm... gonna pretend I don't know what that means. Dad has really been getting me and Sonia into Wind in the Willows, one of those older British stop-motion cartoons. I particularly find Mr. Toad really hilarious to watch, haha! Poop-poop! The poetry of motion! What about you, Smol Devy?

Smol Devy: Me really likes Ana and Kat! They awesome ninja fwiends!

Trip: Hehe! Glad you're getting on well with them, little guy. I haven't seen a lot of that media before meeting my Team Sonic, but there's something I found appealing about Gromit, Wallace's dog; he's often the one to save the day when all those inventions Wallace makes either go awry or are vandalised by villains.

OMT!Tails: He really is an admirable character, even if he doesn't talk. And there you have it! Thanks for the question, Brendan!

Footnote

Nitro: Pst! I just wanted to throw in my part for the second half of that question for you, Brendan. For the "least favourite character" concerning cartoons for me, under the Looney Tunes lot, that title's absolutely going to Pepé Le Pew. His whole schtick is absolutely inappropriate by today's standards, and I'm glad I haven't seen him around Toontopia. As Vincent Alexander once put it, "If there's any moral to the cartoons, it's that if you act like Pepé, you stink." Well, thanks for the question, dude!

[pawsitivevibe]

Thus far no photos of Bree from nationals :(

I think the photographer is still uploading them. But she does seem to have put up all the ones from steeplechase and there's no Bree. There was another photographer in the other ring who hasn't uploaded anything yet, though, so maybe they will have gotten something.

It was Bree's retirement runs so I will definitely be buying photos.

Worst case I will email the photographers to ask if they got anything of Bree. But uhhh ... I had a bad experience with that once. There was a photographer at one of Bree's first agility trials. They got some nice photos of Haley, but there were none of Bree, so I emailed them to ask if maybe they had any. They told me they didn't even bother taking photos of her because they assumed I was running her as a "joke" since she was "ugly" and "could barely do anything." Yeah. Uh. Suffice to say I maybe sent a strongly worded reply, and did not buy the photos of my other dog. The "could barely do anything", or whatever they said, comment was particularly FUNNY if anything, considering she ran all her runs clean and got a title at that trial but SURE. In any case, I'm sure that kind of thing won't happen again.

[twinsandselfships]

Oks: My very first fic writing experience - a MilkyWay drabble! Even though I write better now, I still think fondly of this one shot. Hope you enjoy!

Summary Mondays can be exhausting, but at least Aster and Rufina have each other to talk to and ask for support.

Nobody likes Mondays. They make you say goodbye to weekends and say hello to work. Professor Kriv Kuzmich was the only person to enjoy Mondays, for this exact reason. One of such days he was substituting for professor Stargazer, who managed to get sick with sparkling rash right before his classes. That's why today the strict teacher was responsible for Stargazer's apprentice — a clumsy, nervous, but nevertheless diligent young man.

Since the morning, Aster has been running around various classrooms and offices on different floors, working like a dog. But he wasn't literally "running", since running around the Magical College is forbidden, even for graduate students and teachers. Therefore, the poor guy had to keep up with all the tasks of Kriv Kuzmich without breaking into a run. And worst of all, he still managed to stumble, slip, or drop scrolls and books from his hands.

While he was doing one of his many different chores, Aster was crossing paths with another grad student —  Rufina. She had better luck, since her supervisor wasn't as demanding. But even so, the young woman's back was hunching from the amount of work: the little kids need constant oversight and discipline. To Aster's surprise, his colleague always remained patient and calm when dealing with them (or, at the very least, tried to). Until this day he didn't really get a good look at how she teaches. Only now, as he was doing chores around the whole College, Aster noticed the young woman take a crying goblin girl aside during recess.

—What happened? There-there, it's alright, you can tell me, — Rufina spoke with a half-whisper, kneeling down to the little girl's level.

— The... The... Then I'll be a snitch! — tears started to flow like waterfalls from her small eyes.

— No, not at all! You poor thing. If someone offended you, tell me, — the young woman spoke in the most caring and soft tone that Aster has ever heard.

— B-but... What if they'll know it's me who told you...?

— So what! I'll take care of it, and they'll never upset you again.

— They won't? — the girl sniffed, her big ears twitched.

— I promise you that, —  Rufina smiled and patted the little kid on the head. — Whatever it is they told you is not true. And you wouldn't believe in something that isn't true, would you?

The goblin girl, still with watered eyes, shook her head slightly, looking at her teacher, Rufina spread out her arms, and the small student leapt into her embrace.

Aster didn't hear what Rufina whispered into the girl's ear, but he had a felling it was something along the lines of "Don't be afraid. Everything will be alright. I'm here". If the young man's heart wasn't already filled to the brim with warmth, it definitely melted right there and then. This observation surprised him.

As Rufina met eyes with Aster, a beaming smile appeared on her face, as if on it's own. The tan, shaggy young man, upon noticing this, smiled as well, but soon blushed, lifted his shoulders and looked away, as if trying to hide. The woman giggled softly, melted by the silly embarrassment of her childhood friend.

Finally though, this Monday came to an end. All the professors went away and left the grad students to clean up and get everything ready for Tuesday. Day was turning into evening and the sun was setting when the colleagues met in the orange-lit library — both were putting away today's textbooks and put new ones in their carts. Aster waved slightly to Rufina, and she hurried to break the empty silence.

— Hello! Oh, Aster, how I've missed you! — her voice was cheerful, but sluggish, like that of a princess who finally managed to escape from a dragon's nest after an hours-long chase. It seems that even she could barely stand on her feet. Aster knew, that if anyone else was in the library, his friend would straighten up and adjust her hair. But he, her childhood friend, was the only one here, and she wasn't embarrassed to show her tired side. On the contrary, in Rufina's presence, Aster tried to seem more dignified and confident than he really is, but always failed miserably. One day the young woman got tired of this act and asked the guy to be himself, because it was the real him that she liked. Since then, the young man stopped. Mostly.

— And h-hello to you, too! — Aster was stuttering, like he always was. — And I've missed you as well! You know, since that one recess I couldn't stop thinking about yooouuuuaaah, I mean, about that girl you had with the talk, oops, I mean... — now the guy's face turned red, and he was waving his hands around rapidly.

Rufina tilted her head to the side and arched an eyebrow, and then giggled.

— Ah, you're talking about that one. Oh, you can't imagine how much I dislike those who upset the little kids. In general, I don't like it when children are sad.

The woman's brows furrowed, her rather straight hair turned into fluffy feathers for just a moment.

— Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah! I agree! I mean, you are so thoughtful, — the tan man nodded happily. His light-blue eyes were shining like the Milky Way.

Now it was Rufina's turn to blush. Her cheeks turned pink and she brushed off the sudden compliment. In usual circumstances she would lightly hit her friend's shoulder, but right now it was easier to simply wave.

— Aw, come oooon, ha-ha! — she continued to put textbooks on the shelves, then stopped, her eyes staring at the wall for a couple of seconds. — Aster, um... No, forget it.

The female grad student wanted to ask about one of the phrases that slipped off of her fellow sufferer's tongue. "He... couldn't stop thinking about me?". The thought elated her, though she was scared to put it into words. Even more so, they both were very tired right now. Who knows, maybe she just imagined it, or Aster was just tongue-tied, this happens to him often.

The woman turned her head to her friend. He was looking intensely at the letters in his scroll that listed the necessary textbooks for tomorrow and adjusted his glasses, as if it was gonna help him see better. Rufina couldn't not notice her colleague's sluggishness in the lanky guy's movements, the heaviness in his bent thin legs. "And how does he keep on standing on them?"

She looked at Aster's face again, and just in time, because at that moment his eyes closed and he half-lied down on the cart. The grad student would have inevitably slid to the floor, had Rufina not caught him by the shoulders. The woman was seriously scared, but having managed to save her friend from the cold embrace of the floor, she breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't the first time she'd caught "Mr. Shooting Star" (as the female grad student nicknamed him for his clumsiness), but he hadn't fainted before. Despite how tall he was, Aster weighed like a handful of grapes for Rufina, so she easily carried the shaggy bespectacled man to the chair.

Having finished with the books from both her and Aster's lists, Rufina wiped the sweat from her forehead and moved the guy to his room in the tower, with the help of magic. She didn't want to wake her friend. He had suffered enough for the whole day, let him rest (in fairness, she was very tired too, but of the two of them, Rufina was still stronger both physically and mentally). The young woman looked at Aster. Rufina took off his glasses, put them in the case lying on the cluttered table and, before leaving, softly stroked the guy on the head, as she had done so earlier today to the goblin girl.

It's amazing that such a hard and exhausting day didn't end on such a bad note for both of them. And both grad students were mentally grateful to each other, and grateful that they have each other in their lifes.

dividers by @/cafekitsune

[your-hotdog-husband]

There are a lot of reasons why I don't like politics. I think they're bringing out the worst in people. People have their values, and we are driven to defend them and ourselves. And where our values diverge, I believe, is a very small area. But it's magnified all out proportion. Most people would probably disagree with me on that point.

But that's not my only point, anyway. So check it out this way. If you have a dog who you take to dog parks, then you know. But anyhow, when you go to parks and your dog meets other dogs and plays with them--whether it's chasing, tugging, wrestling, or just meeting and greeting--you meet some of the other owners. And that crowd is diverse! And I'm mainly talking about backgrounds, like from all walks of life. And even though I live in a minor metropolitan city with primarily "city folk," I guess, there are a lot of rednecks at the dog parks. And I only use that word in a friendly way. I've spent a lot of time in more rural places and around all different crowds. I know better than to think less of any particular group based on where they were from or how they were raised, much less the more superficial differences like clothing, accent, their manner of speech. It's not a matter of "tolerance." Usually, when somebody doesn't like certain people, it's because they've never sat down and talked with any of 'em. While most folks would peg me as a city boy, that's only mostly accurate. I've spent time in lots of different places, with people from all over. Individually, people are wonderful folks. When somebody isn't well liked, it's usually because they won't really talk to others and connect to them. They don't trust anyone and probably think they're superior. Anyhow, I'm off track.

So one of the best things about the dog park is that nobody talks about politics or all the damn things they hate. We're focused on our dogs and they joy they bring us, the challenges we deal with, and that's true on the collective level the more we interact with the other owners. And the people we click with or not has nothing to do with politics, I guarantee you. There are good and bad owners (I don't like that word, but... IDK) of all backgrounds. You can't tell on first glance. But I'll trust the hell out of any good owner and cuss the fuck out of a bad one. I don't give a shit what their politics are, or what any of our supposed similarities or differences are.

If I could encourage others to find ways to experience this somehow. If you're not a dog owner or don't have access to dog parks, I'll forgive you. LOL But seriously, then look for some way of connecting with others where you don't have to bother with politics.

Because what I'm hearing and seeing with too many people (most? I hope not, but definitely lots) is that they've sworn off "those people." But when we don't even know we're talking to one of "them," it's amazing how well we get along. And if we end up in a group with a shared purpose and start to achieve something, you have to start doubting what all the fuss and anger was about.

Our brains want to protect us from threats. We get angry. Then others think of us as angry or having a bad attitude. We don't want to give each other a chance. "They're destroying everything that's good! They can't be bargained with. They're basically terrorists." Maybe there are a few bad apples, who am I to say? But not talking ensures that the bad apples spoil more of the bunch.

It's not a perfect analogy, but that's how analogies are. Analogies are like people. Not perfect, but there's no getting away from how much we need them.

I can hear so many people, "Our bad apples are better than their bad apples!" That's based on so many assumptions about people we've never met. People are calling each other intolerant without looking at themselves first. People are accusing a whole lot of other people of a lot of horrible things, and defending themselves against accusations. Us vs. Them mentality. There's even arguments that boil down to: "Both sides do that!" vs. "Don't you dare compare us to them!" When all the while, there is no "both," because it's not nearly as simple as two sides. Two sides of what? Right and wrong? Good and bad? Do you agree with *everything* that everyone on your side says? "Well, I agree with everyone who's actually on my side. Those other ones are fake!" Or crazy, or just a little stupid. We keep slicing things thin enough to make sense, and there'll be nothing left. We'll be less than the sum of our parts. We may as well have never existed in the first place.

"It's not that bad." Okay, then prove it.

Imagine the future. Ten years. Twenty years. Fifty. It gets harder and harder to imagine that there even is a future. Are things going to get better in your lifetime? The younger you are, the easier it is to imagine that they will. Not just because of optimism and the energy of youth. A lot more can change in Fifty years than in twenty. A lot more can get worse, too.

More importantly, imagine how things could get better. As in how will that happen, do you think? Will one side destroy the other? That's the big question, isn't it? Will one side simply outlast the other? Outlive the side that's doomed to fail? Social Darwinism? One side will survive due to inherent superiority. War or no war... Actually try to imagine one side dying off. How, really? Is your side going to kill all of them? Will they just die out as they reach their inevitable obsolescence? There are a lot of scenarios. How many of them are plausible? Am I trying to say there's no way that will happen? I'm just skeptical. Will we join together a hundred years from now to fight a common enemy? Will half of us escape the madness and expatriate? These are each very large changes.

Who wants to see half of the country destroyed? Because a lot of that will be your half, no matter who "wins."

Just consider, millions of them have dogs, cats, even children. Or other family, even if they don't have those. We all love somebody, and we're all loved. Think of a typical person who you would totally disagree with. (I disagree with the "totally" part, but I'm trying not to make this about me.) Imagine that person. They believe terrible, terrible things. About the world, about you. Or people like you, anyway. Their concept of "people like you." Do you believe terrible things? You imagine that they cannot truly love. They have no real love in their lives. But imagine somebody loving them. Imagine they yearn to feel love, whether it's friendship, kinship, or relationship. Imagine they discover love and their world changes and they abandon hatred. They stop persecuting others. They may not necessarily join you exactly. But imagine they stop judging, insulting, or attacking your people or people like you.

I'm not asking anyone to believe in anything or to stop believing in anything. Just try to imagine.

[tidepoolalgae]

.

when my mom was here she revealed that she had been using the guest bathroom in her house for weeks because she broke a glass in the master bathroom and never cleaned it up. I was already kinda thinking I could go back sometime during the rest of the year and see the ocean, feel the wind on my face, whatever, but there's always this dimension of, if I do go, I'm probably gonna be cleaning and stressed about meals and everything the whole time. and now I know there's worse things going on if she shared that with me...

tbh I try to be chill when she shares these things with me because she'll tell me more if I'm kinda nonchalantly asking (she's honest with me the most out of everyone in the family) but also recently I'm thinking maybe I should freak out to her face more??? like, THAT'S NOT NORMAL!!!!!!! so I should say so??! But also she already knows in some aspect so I don't see why I should change it up (and risk her keeping more info from me)

my brother says that "we just need to get her house cleaned up so that she's not as embarrassed about the state of it, then she can hire someone to come in and help her clean once a week or every two weeks" but also we have cleaned up significantly several times over the last few years and she never! gets! help! It just gets worse again! I tried to convince her many times when I was living there in person and no dice. Neither of us can afford to hire someone for her, and she'd probably be upset with us anyway if we did (cause she doesn't want help but doesn't really admit it), so she has to do it. It has to come from her

but regardless I keep having this thought/impulse that I have to travel there so that I can at least clean up that glass for her. WHICH I REALIZED SOUNDS COMPLETELY DERANGED WHEN I SAID IT OUT LOUD. but also WHAT am I supposed to do? am I just supposed to turn away??

And really it doesn't just affect her cause there's the dog too. I always feel so bad for the dog. She could've had such a better life, I remember her running around outside as a puppy and she enjoyed it so much. And now... :( I tried so hard to help her and take her out for walks when I was living there but my own depression got so much worse when I was there, it's like I was getting infected by the depression fungus that lives in the walls of that house and everything was the worst... I couldn't even make it six months before I had to run away halfway across the country to go work a temporary job that my friend's mom suggested to me so I could avoid [redacted]

Of course my dad just fucked off and left all the responsibility to my mom so I can blame him about the dog too lmao. They made the joint decision to get her so idk why they can't both take care of her. My mom complains about that too...

and honestly really I'm not sure if I am/was trying my best at all, a lot of the time I feel like I'm barely scraping by but also when I was in college I threw myself into that and, even though I had my most intense experiences with suicidality during that time, I graduated summa cum laude and LIKE!! There's a part of me that questions how did I accomplish that and then basically just run myself into the ground? academic achievement is definitely not the only indicator of having it together but I'm pretty sure I could've done better over the last few years for everyone, lol.

my partner says I gotta have "boundaries" with my mom and maybe he's right but also as the person in the family who has it the most together (LOL, can you believe it? ME!!) I do feel like I have to help, even if I get +100 psychic damage.

I also don't like the feeling that I'm on the tip of a precipice. Maybe I can go casually and it doesn't have to be a big deal? Maybe the decision to not go doesn't have to be that deep? why do I keep freaking out??

[purplesurveys]

1833

What's for dinner tonight? Too soon to tell, it's only 8 AM; I don't even know yet what food I'm craving today haha. I'll be in BGC this afternoon for an event though, so I'm already thinking of picking up Shake Shack – either that or Salad Stop.

Do you prefer cold or room temperature drinking water? Cold.

How many different things have you had to drink today? Just water and coffee.

When you read a book, do you use a bookmark or simply dog ear/fold the top of the page? I remember the general range of the page number I stopped on – like if I paused on page 67, I'll mentally bookmark it as simply the 60s – so I can read a bit of a recap and remember better where I left off the next time I read again.

What's the nearest city to you with a population of at least one million? QC.

During the pandemic, did you use reusable or disposable masks? Disposable ones.

What is your favourite local restaurant? It's a spot that serves Korean food. Authentic-anything restaurants are hard to come by here because *everything* is in Metro Manila, so I'm really happy we have this lovely nearby Korean spot where the owner is actually Korean, so everything is super quality.

Have you ever been harassed while minding your own business walking down the street? Yeah of course, by men.

Do you own a gun? Have you ever thought about getting one? Um, no. And no.

Do you know anyone who owns a gun? As far as I know, no. I'm better off not knowing.

What year is/was your 10 year high school reunion? Will you (or did you) attend? It should be next year, 2026, if we're even organizing something. I might! It depends if my friends from the batch wanna go though.

Do you cut your sandwiches into triangles or rectangles? I just keep the square sliced bread as is.

Have you ever seen a panda in real life? Where was it? I don't think I have.

Are there any postcards hanging around the house? If so, where are they from? Nope.

Does it snow where you live? No.

When was the last time you took a flight? Where did you go? Discounting the flight back home, it was a flight to Kuala Lumpur last June.

Is there a flight path over your house? Yes.

Does your neighbourhood have a lot of hills? No, it's gotten very urbanized here and you'll want to go to the provinces if you want to chance upon hills.

Have you ever had Covid? What was your experience like? Yeah it finally caught my ass last year, around October. My case was nastier than most others' – started off with a fever, then I started losing my voice, my sense of taste, then my throat started to stage a fucking rebellion and raised absolute HELL for a week. The throat was the worst part. At the peak of it my body felt like a combination of being composed of glass + an actual corpse and I was like 30% convinced I might actually die lmao.

It definitely took its sweet time hanging out, so it was a relief when my throat started to feel normal again and when I realized I could already sit up.

Do you have any alcohol in your house right now? We have a few bottles of wine.

Do you tend to keep alcohol around the house for when you might want it? Yes, or when I have friends come over.

Has a romantic partner ever given you a pet as a gift? No.

Do you ever talk on the phone with friends? I really only ever do this with Angela, and even then it's not all that often. I ultimately prefer just texting/messaging each other.

What was the last thing someone said to you in person? "I don't know, I'll need to ask" after I asked my sister if her friends like anything from Starbucks. I'm driving her and her friends for their little get together/lunch out today, and since I plan on getting coffee to-go, I asked her to ask her friends what they'd want too so I can include in my order.

Are you hungry right now? What would you like to eat? Tbh not really, right now I just want coffee.

How far away are your parents right now? My mom is like 20 feet away, in the other room. My dad is 15,000 kilometers away.

Do you believe in aliens? Yes.

Have you ever been bitten by a spider? I don't think so!

Do you own any clothing made from animal products like leather or fur? I don't think so.

What's the best vacation you've ever been on? Thailand with my friends :)

[godlyhermitcrab]

Not to be cynical, but...

Having just graduated a couple of months ago, life kinda sucks right now. I can’t get a job, employers are still rejecting me, and I still have family members asking me if I have a job yet. Whenever they ask they just come off as so ignorant, “Oh computer science, there’s a lot money in that” they say as if they know what it’s like being asked to have 2+ years in experience in something I just graduated from. But they don’t know any better so I just smile and nod as if it’s nothing.

I think my ideal life is just one where it’s me and my dog, in an apartment, where nobody worries about me, and I can just do what I like. It just bothers me to have to be hounded by everyone over what my life is like, what I should be doing, everybody around me trying to fix my problems. Sometimes I just wish I could take everything at my own pace, but unfortunately, life doesn’t move like that...

Every time my stepdad comes home from work, I have to get the “So what’d you do today?” in a passive aggressive tone, because I don’t usually do much. I usually have to come up with something, because if I say “Not much” then I’ll get the “Well you should...”, “I want you to...”, “Have you tried...?”. I know they’re just trying to help, which is why I don’t say anything, it’s something better kept to myself, anyways. 

I don’t even consider much of what I do very significant. I could have worked all day, and I would still say “Not much”, but that’s not enough. He needs details, I swear it’s like he needs a detailed report of everything I did at every hour of the day.

This is compounded with me slowly realizing that I don’t really much motivation to anything. Before, school was my motivation. I programmed and coded because I knew that would get me closer to graduation. Now, though, I realize that I don’t feel like coding or programming, even just for fun. School was one of the few things that kept me going.

At the very least I know I like learning. I believe that if money were no object, I would just go to school forever, getting a new degree every time. But it’s not like there’s really a way to get paid for that (At least not that I know of). So for now that is sort of a dead end.

The worst part is the laziness. Like I seriously lack a motivation to do much of anything. There’s a lot of things I could do to improve my life, but I never feel like doing any of them. Why? Why can’t I just strive to be a better person? Instead I lay down or sit inert, doing the same things over and over again, ditching responsibilities all the way. I could work out, I could try to learn a new programming language, I could wake up earlier in the mornings, but instead I stay up late with video games again. Why?

I think I would do more coding stuff, like I would love to work on personal projects or something, but I can never bring myself to do it unless it is completely original and has never been done before, which is a dumb notion to start with. I would love to program Terraria mods, which I have kinda worked on. The moment I get to sprite work though, i stop. Either that or I realize that the mod does nothing new, and if I did want to do something new, that would require real effort, so I stop.

Why do I find it so hard to do stuff for my own sake, happy as long as I did my best? Even in school I was happy with mediocre work, as long as I did my best, because the requirements and what made it a good assignment were clearer cut. If I’m left to judge even smallest amount of work I’ve done, I just hate it and give up on it.

It doesn’t matter how many strategies I read or advice I hear to help with things like that, I can never actually internalize that information and use it. Stuff like that is always easier said than done, and somehow I can never just output the effort to make that change happen. It really is very demoralizing.

I guess I’m done with this post now. This is definitely stuff I should be telling a therapist/counselor, but until I get that help, I’ve been needing to get these thoughts into the world for a very long time, so I might be posting stuff like this just to get it out there. Also, please try to avoid judgement on anything I said, I am just a stranger on the internet, after all. Thanks for reading, if you did. Hopefully I can look back on this one day and be happier about how much I’ve grown.

[promiseiwillwrite]

Learning to Shut the Fuck Up

I am learning all over when and why and how to shut the fuck up.

I can say it here, because this is my blog about mental health shit, and people can roll their eyes and scroll right past if they want.

Lol, you asked for it.

I am fighting some emotional projection about relationship insecurity right now. Things that keep coming up for me include, but are not limited to thinking my partner finds me boring and annoying, to the point where I am paralyzed, and can't even speak around him. He has never said anything like this. I am pretty sure this is anxiety and trauma talking during the damn movie again. I am afraid to play games with him, because I am afraid he will think I am stupid and slow and not worth his time.

I know in a rational part of me that these are just thoughts and they are painful thoughts. I have been told, and I have started to believe that it is in my power to choose better thoughts and feelings, but these insecurities keep coming up. Because that is the habit of 35 years talking.

I have started to think that I have never had a suite of emotional and affection needs met ever because of a complete failure to articulate those feelings when I have them. I feel like what I want should not be important to anyone else, and that it is my own problem, and my own failing.

What is worse is that I am afraid these wants and needs are irrational and fictional and unreasonable to ever ask of other people, and that doing so would be immediately harmful to them.

I walk around my life deeply envious of dogs. Everyone wants to pet them. They can be touched, and it doesn't mean anything but that they are soft and fluffy. I want to be touched by everyone, to be patted like this. I also catch feelings at the drop of a goddamn hat, so I try to keep a distance between me and everyone, because I don't want to fuck people's lives. I don't want to hurt others or be hurt when they don't care back.

I feel trapped by my fear.

I feel trapped by my determination to do no harm, no to not even risk doing harm.

Fuck what I want.

But even as I type these things that are definitely real and problematic for me, I also feel like I understand where the fear comes from, and I know there is nuance that anxiety is just trampling over.

I know one of the things I keep not looking at is trying to control the experience others have of me by changing my behavior so that I don't cause negative reactions in them.

I know this is a trauma leftover.

I know this is a toxic way to behave toward people you love and trust. It is disrespectful at best and abusive at worst.

But that just makes it easier to kick myself when I see myself doing it.

I just can't seem to stop. Even though I know it doesn't work. I can see the reactions in people when I shut down and stop talking. They are worried they did something wrong.

I can throw logic at it all day, and sometimes I win, but the root is still in there. The tape keeps rewinding itself and plays all over again.

I am afraid to ask for anything more, because it feels like an incredible, unbelievable imposition that others put up with me at all. I have restricted myself to crumbs because that is what I was used to, and had to survive on. It was all I could reasonably expect.

What do normal people reasonably expect in their relationships with one another?

I feel like some of what I want is In that! Not everything I want is weird or wrong or hurtful.

But that means I have to ask.

And that is terrifying.

[dirtytransmasc]

Vance Hopper (mostly) Autism HC's

I do want to preface, I have a lot of comorbid disorders/mental health issues/etc. so this is solely based on my experience with autism.

nonverbal, talking is just sound to him, 90% of his communication when he isn't masked is touch or sounds.

Griffin is his favorite person, Bruce is his safe person, Finney is his care person (he goes to Finney when he's really non verbal and needs to communicate something quickly, Finney being the mom of the group is really good at helping him get his point across). robin and Billy are the ones he fucks around with (rough houses, starts shit with, stuff like that)

zero, absolutely zero personal space, he needs constant touch and pressure to stay sane. he likes to hold onto one person and be held by another, while being squeezed between two things (people, coach arms, pillows, etc.)

^^^he's only like this with people he trusts otherwise he is completely touch adverse. it causes full on meltdowns to be touched, and he's not the best at hiding it.

he gets really angry when he has meltdowns, but it quickly turns to tears and grabby hands. once he burns through the anger it turns into a full break down.

he definitely regresses when upset, not to the point of like age regression per say, but he kinda shutdowns and is very codependent.

he stims a lot, it's mostly skin picking, rocking, squeezing things, grinding his teeth and punching things. he listens to really loud music to decompress (I can't help but think he would have lived Motley Crue had he been around to hear it. he would love that one part of Kickstsrt My Heart with the weird voice affect). sweet is a comfort band.

Finney is the best at redirecting his more harmful stims, normally offering to hold his hand or giving him something to pick at.

he has an oral fixation, and chews on his hair and sleeves. he used to chew his nails but sorta grew out of it. he will chew them down to the bone if he's anxious though

all the boys carry gum on them just in case. he really likes cinnamon gum.

he loves cinnamon in general, he loves the smell, the taste, spicy and sweet.

he only wears second hand denim, breaking it in is literally one of the worst things on earth, he would rather die.

he really likes when people play with his hair, especially when robin (I hc he has a big family so he knows how to braid) braids his hair and runs his fingers through it and scratches at his scalp during the process

he has really bad cute aggression, like Griffin is constantly being tackled, squeezed, pinched, punched (playfully, even if he accidentally punches him kinda hard), etc. Vance absolutely loves him and shows it in his own way. Griffin is very aware of this, and is fine with the rough love

when he hyperfixates, it's long and steady, normally he'll have the same one for years at a time. currently it's Sweet and pinball.

he's dyslexic, but he really enjoys learning when it's done in a way that works for his brain. he had an English Lit tutor one year that made him love reading for the first time in years, you could not get him to put his books (he reads wide print copies) down. it's hard to get wide print books so he reads the same few books over and over again.

^^^ Gwen huts me as someone who's really good at typing and I could definitely see her rewriting books for Vance for his birthday or Christmas.

^^^ Gwen and Vance are besties, fight with the wall.

Vance is a huge animal person, they really help with keeping him calm and managing his anger. he's been known to rehabilitate anything from little mice to baby birds to helping out on local farms to nurse orphaned calf's. he had a shit ton of 'pets' or animals he raised as baby's and tried to release but they never really left. he also has a dog, a rescue mutt, he's a big dog and Vance will bury himself in his fur when really upset. he definitely takes care of the towns stray cats as well. his first job is at an animal shelter, and it was one of his few safe spaces.

he has really bad contamination OCD

he's not the best with social ques so a lot of his rude demeanor is him just not knowing the 'correct' or 'polite' way to go about something.

he uses he/him pronouns for the most part, but isn't against any of the other ones (he has an interesting relationship with she/her pronouns and he can't tell if he loves it or hates it)

he's queer, his feelings are too complex and at the end of the day he doesn't care enough to try and label himself.

^^^ he generally has a disconnect between himself and his queer identity (something I relate to, I don't know how I feel about autistic specific identities, and I don't feel like debating about it, but my autism definitely has an effect in my queer identity in a way I can't fully verbalize and I think he feels the same way)

I could do so many more of these.