#even though i’ll probably keep watching it and bitching until the bitter end

[jaimeslanisters]

so do you have any thoughts about Aemond's scenes in the latest episode?

i do! thank you for asking!

under the cut because, per usual, got carried away with my yapping

so to start with the major scene that i’m sure this ask is mainly about, i’m actually a fan of them exploring his trauma response to luke’s death being seeking out a source of comfort no matter how twisted and warped it is for him. as fucked up as it is, it makes sense that he seeks out the brothel owner who sa’d him as a child since that’s an “easy” way to comfort. she won’t ask him any hard questions about storm’s end. she won’t tell him anything he won’t want to hear. he doesn’t want alicent’s resentment at him for destroying their only chance at peace. he doesn’t want aegon treating it as a massive joke. he wants someone to hold him and tell him “you’ve grown. you’re not that little bullied boy anymore.” and, as disturbing as it is, the brothel owner fits that perfectly. he doesn’t have anyone else to seek out and so he turns to his first sexual interaction, one that was transactional in nature because he gets some semblance of control with it

i don’t agree with takes that his seeking comfort with the brothel owner is oedipal in nature. i kind of don’t even think their relationship is sexual in nature. of course, future episodes could prove me wrong here but i think him being stripped down is more him freeing himself from reminders of his position and role rather than he’s having sex with her. him having sex with her is so straightforward for this when i feel like this is so wrapped up in self loathing and low self esteem

now….. i’m disappointed with the rest of the episode. i enjoyed it, don’t get me wrong. i enjoyed it way more than the first episode. but i think there needed to be more. maybe i’ll never be satisfied but like….. where was the funeral? and where was everyone attending it? i can buy aegon not going out of grief/preferring to beat blood’s brains out but i don’t buy otto encouraging him not to go. if helaena could inspire the masses to see her as a grief stricken queen ala princess diana, could aegon’s rage not similarly whip up the smallfolk? likewise, did aemond just…. not go? jaehaerys was his nephew, his sister’s life was threatened, and we don’t get to see how he reacts to that? we don’t get to see his guilt and his grief and his horror?

as the in house pr manager, otto should have paraded all of the targtowers out. hell, he should have called up daeron and added one more pretty, heartbroken targaryen for the masses to get parasocially attached to. but that’s humanizing the greens so i guess that’s not allowed.

i fear that hotd is running into the exact same problems that got faced in its final seasons, mainly refusing to allow any time for the plot or the characters to breathe. ten episodes is honestly far too short for asoiaf but it still gave us time to hit the major points and get to see the characters in moments where they’re not propelling the plot forward and are instead introspective. they’re interacting with one another and facing the interpersonal consequences of what they inflict on other people. s1 of hotd sped through the years and as a result, the tragedy of the dance of dragons being a house cannibalizing themselves is lost bc the blacks and the greens feel like entirely two separate houses rather than deeply intertwined branches of one.

so i enjoy the general bones of what’s been presented. there’s nothing that i hate completely (aside from alicent’s plotline which while i’m not against alicole on principle, i’m against how it was just tossed at us without showing us how it started considering what a big deal it is for both characters. also not super big into the depictions of her and her complicated relationship with motherhood but that might just be me) but i just wish the writers were more willing to slow down and explore each team on equal grounds

big big fan of aemond’s sherlock holmes era tho ☝🏼 observant king

[justkending]

Moral of The Story. Chapter One.

Summary: Marrying too young out of highschool leads to a naive and failed marriage. Now 10 years later, word comes that the divorce was never actually completed. Bucky and Y/N have to come back together after all these years to settle what wasn’t all those years back. Passive attitudes, miscommunicated endings, and reminiscing of an old love all comes back for the two.

Pairing: Bucky x Y/N

Word Count: 2600+

A/N: Ok, here is the first chapter! If you have not already listened to the song that evoked this idea from my imagination land, I suggest giving it a go! Moral of the Story by Ashe. I’m excited for you guys to see what this story brings and I really hope I do it justice! As always, comments and thoughts are welcome as they help me grow as a writer and let me see what you guys notice:) ENJOY MY LOVES!!! <3

(The posting will be once every other day until I have finished the series. If I finish early, I will post an update once a day:)

Read the Prologue here first!

Chapter One:

"You already got the flight?" Nat asked, perched on Y/N's couch as she ran around frantically packing. "Don't you have a huge meeting next week with that new business? What was it called? Bee's Knees?"

"Yes, but it's not until Monday evening. I highly doubt I will be there longer than a weekend to sign a few divorce papers. I'm planning on coming back early that afternoon, so I shouldn't miss it," she answered, not even stopping to look at her as she ran through the rooms and bathroom in the apartment.

"How soon did you book that flight?"

"As soon as I hung up the phone with Murdock," Y/N sighed. Nat sent her a questioning look not knowing that name. "New lawyer. The guy who took over for the sleazeball known as Justin Hammer," she rolled her eyes.

"Right," Nat nodded. "So, are you staying at your dad's house?"

"I would take my dad's house over my mom and Jerry's any day. You know this," Y/N paused in her actions, sending her a bitch face.

"I know. Just didn't know if you'd be all fancy and rent a hotel room to escape the smothering that is bound to happen from good ol' Mr. Y/L/N," Nat grinned.

"It's been so long since I've seen him not via facetime. And we both know that's barely seeing him as he doesn't know where the camera is even after a hundred calls," she laughed.

"Parents. Either they're technologically challenged or know how to work it better than us. Never in between and it's weird." Nat watched as Y/N froze in her stance and looked lost trying to think of something else to pack. Deciding she needed a distraction, Nat changed the subject some. "Hey, did you get Melody to go on that date tomorrow?"

"Yes!" Y/N answered proudly. "I know your aunt wants grandbabies from her daughter, but that girl just needs a night on the town more than anything. She's in her early 20's and holes herself up at the office almost more than I do, and I'm the boss."

"Cousin's got my work ethic. What can I say?" Nat shrugged smugly.

"Well, she needs to get your spirit in living some too."

"Touche," Nat pointed. "I need to have Yelena take her out. She's the real party sister out of us two."

"That is true. How she's able to party for 48 hours straight and still wake up at 8 am for mimosas, blows my mind," Y/N commented on Natasha's younger sister. "She's only a few years older than Melody, right?"

"Yeah, Yelena is 24, and Melody is 22. They were best of friends growing up, but once they got to high school, they kinda went different routes about life. Lana, the party gal, and Mel the studious bookworm."

"I'm not surprised by either of those," Y/N shook her head before collapsing next to Nat on the couch. A loud breath and sigh escaped her body.

Nat watched as her mind escaped back to the original issue at hand.

"What's going on in that brain of yours, Y/N/N?" she said, softly touching her shoulder. "Not that I don't already know, but maybe letting it out will help unscramble those thoughts."

Y/N lazily rolled her head to the redhead next to her.

"How is he?" she asked.

Nat was a part of their friend group from middle school through high school. She kept up with all of them still, whereas Y/N kept up with all of them except one.

"I actually haven't talked to him in a while. Steve on the other hand..." Nat nodded. "From that source, it sounds like Barnes is just as surprised and freaked out as you."

"He's freaked out?" Y/N asked, a hint of interest peeking out.

"Who wouldn't be? You get a call from a lawyer saying your marriage is still intact after 9 years of breaking it off, I would be freaked out too."

"He deserves it. I hope he's just as freaked out as me, if not more," she responded bitterly, crossing her arms across her chest like a pouting child.

"Y/N," Nat sighed.

"No. Don't. Don't defend him to me, it's pointless," she put up a hand. "I know you're still friends with him, but you guys still don't understand the pain that that man brought on me."

"He fought for you, Y/N. He didn't mean-," Nat countered.

"Again, you're wasting your breath. Defending him now does nothing to change the past," she said stubbornly, getting back up and carrying on with her packing. "You can still take me to the airport tomorrow, right?"

Her best friend wanted to keep pushing, knowing she had harbored this heartbreak for too long. Sure what had happened between them sucked and was a horrible chapter of their lives, but neither made an effort to talk it out and understand the other's side of the story. Faults of being young, immature, and not knowing how to handle a grown-up decision.

"Yes, I'll pick you up at work at 10. Flights at 11:25, right?"

"Yes, and you know California traffic. That will probably get me there 10 minutes before my gate closes. I had to get an early flight though because that time difference is going to kick my ass. It'll be close to 5:30 in my head and 8:30 there by the time I land... " Y/N huffed, rolling her bag to the front door for tomorrow. "You mind taking this tonight and keeping it in your car for now? That way I don't have to lug it to work?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll grab it on my way out. But we're still having a girl's night, right?"

Y/N laughed some before going to the kitchen to grab beers. "I Survived is already recorded and ready for us."

___________________

"Shit man... When's the last time you talked to her?" Steve asked, sitting across from his best friend in the chair diagonal from the couch, leaning forward on his knees after listening to the new news.

"Since I was supposedly signing our divorce papers. And even then, we didn't really talk. She sat there quietly straight-faced until it was signed and then rushed out the doors," Bucky sighed, still trying to wrap his head around the situation. "She was out of the state within the next hour."

Steve nodded before falling back into the single seat.

"So, do you guys have to see each other again, or is it one of those situations where you can sign separately?"

"I don't know. I just got off the phone. All I know up to this second is that Y/N and I have been married for the past 9 years without knowing it," Bucky said somewhat harshly. Steve didn't flinch at the tone knowing it wasn't directed at him. "I'm sorry. I-I just can't wrap my mind around this."

"It's ok. This is crazy shit, Buck," Steve waved off. There was a long pause before Steve decided to ask the question he was sure anyone would want to know. "Do you want to see her?"

Bucky slowly looked over to the blonde. God, he had been asking himself that question for the past 10 minutes himself.

On one end, yes. He wondered where she was now in life. How she was doing. What accomplishments he knew she would be making. He knew a few small things just by the whispers and small talk of her with their shared friend group that he still hung out with, but a majority of the time, they didn't bring her up around him. They knew what it did to him.

On the other end, he never thought about facing her again. I mean maybe for the year after their divorce, but when he never heard anything back from her all those times he still tried to reach out and she blocked him on almost all forms of social media, he gave up any hope of them falling back into good terms again. He hated it, but he wasn't going to push her when she clearly hated his guts.

And honestly, he deserved it. His young, stupid, college self was not a smart guy when it came to relationships. Even ones that had been there from the beginning of time practically.

Yet again, she wasn't perfect either. She made some mistakes of her own that pushed him to act the way he had.

"Hey, you both are older and more mature now. I'm sure you if you guys do have to see each other again, you can handle it like adults," Steve reassured, seeing Bucky's face turn to a soft frown. "Ok, so she may be a little stubborn..."

"A little?"

"Ok, a lot. But she's older now. She's not the 19-year-old girl that you remember," Steve defended.

"I believe that but I'm sure she still holds a grudge that is very, very, very, very-," Bucky was going to go on about 10 more very's before ending with BIG, but Steve cut him off.

"You don't know that," Steve shook his head.

"Really? Because usually when you no longer hold a grudge against someone, you might just reach out to that person and reconnect possibly," Bucky argued. "I mean that's what mature people do, right?"

"Not always..."

"So she's either not mature or still just as stubborn. Hell, for all we know, both," Bucky shrugged, pursing his lips.

"If you go into this with that mindset, nothing good is going to come out of it." Steve pointed an eyebrow at him.

Bucky rolled his eyes not replying to Steve. He knew he was right, but he was still bitter after all these years about how Y/N handled the situation. Sure, he messed up, but she had to. Yet she made him into this big bad wolf that was at 100% fault in the downfall of their relationship. It made him feel like shit, and though he tried to make amends knowing he did some fucked up things, she acted like she was Miss Perfect and didn't do anything wrong the entire time.

Damn, even after all this time, it still lit a fire in his chest with annoyance and hurt.

"When's the meeting?" Steve once again interrupted his thoughts.

"I guess Saturday morning. They said they were coming in on their off hours to fix up a few cases they found like ours," Bucky answered.

"How many cases were there?"

"Eh, I think he said it was single digits, but there were a shit ton of other cases in different areas that were worse off. The divorce ones are a small number compared to those."

"Damn. That sucks for all the couples who got a call today then," Steve huffed, running a hand down his face.

"Yeah, you're telling me..."

"Hey, we were going out with Wanda and Vis tonight. You still up for that, or...?" Steve stood up.

Bucky looked back at the beer on the coffee table and then at the TV still playing I Survived stories quietly in the background.

"You know what? I'm going to need a stronger drink than an IPA to get me to sleep tonight," Bucky nodded, standing and wiping his hands on his jeans before walking to his room.

"Looks like I'm the DD tonight then..." Steve sighed.

___________

"Vis," Wanda motioned to her fiance as he came back from the bar. "Nat just texted."

"About what? How is she?" Vis smiled as he sat next to her with Sam across from him. Sam tagged along at the last second since his other plans got canceled.

"She's good, but it's not about her," Wanda waved off, still reading whatever lengthy text was sent her way.

"Wow, that looks like a novel," Vis noticed with wide eyes as he looked over her shoulder.

"Wait 'til you hear what it's about." 

Sam shook his head as he took a sip of the beer Vis had brought over.

After reading the rest of the text out loud from where she had left off, everyone at the table looked at each other with shock ridden faces.

"They're still married?" Vis said softly as if it was a secret.

"Apparently..." Wanda nodded with wide eyes.

"So that Hammer guy was a sham?" Sam questioned.

"I told her not to go to him. He had some shady hole in the wall kind of establishment," Wanda chided. "But she said they needed something cheap and fast. She hated his guts and wanted it out of it then and there. Plus, they were 19. They didn't have much money anyway."

"Why didn't they just ask their parents for help?" Sam questioned. "Isn't Y/N's mom loaded?"

"Yes, but she refused to help her. She said it was her own fault for getting married so young and that she had warned her. Told her she had to get out of the mess on her own," Wanda answered.

"What about her dad?" Vis jumped in.

"Bucky and her dad were close. She was off in Colorado for school and didn't want to put her dad through that or make him have to help her in cutting him off. Bucky was like the son he never had and they were bonded at the hip. No matter how much Y/N hated Bucky, she wasn't going to ruin or take away his relationship with her father. That would have been cruel, and Y/N is anything but that."

"Weren't Bucky's and Y/N's dad's best friends?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, they were old-time war buddies. They're the reason Bucky and Y/N had known each other since birth. But Bucky's dad died when he was about 13, and Y/N's dad, Thomas, kinda took him under his wing. Growing up a teenage boy without a father figure messes with you, and Bucky was on the edge of a bad path after losing his father."

"He's still rather close with Thomas, but I'm sure Y/N doesn't know that. Unless Thomas has said something, and with how everything came to an end for the two, I'm sure he doesn't bring it up knowing how tender of a subject Bucky is to her," Vis added.

"Makes sense..." Sam nodded. "I only knew you all from the start of college, so I'm still a little lost in all the beginning stuff."

"All good. It's complicated with those two. Their past and upbringing are so interconnected with the other, it makes their downfall all the more intense and messy," Wanda sighed. "God, if this is the news, he's going to be a wreck tonight..." She looked up worriedly at her fiance who shared the same concerns.

"It could go two ways. Either he comes in all solemn and says three words all night, or Steve's going to be the DD and he's waking up with a head-busting hangover," Sam noted with a small grin at the thought. "I'm going to go with the latter though."

"Poor guy," Wanda sighed, taking a drink with a sad face. Ever the sympathetic one.

"We'll be here to listen if he wants to talk. If not, we act like we have no idea and don't bring it up," Vision spoke up, throwing his arm over her and running his hand up and down her shoulder.

"I'm going to tease him still most likely," Sam shrugged nonchalantly. Wanda sent him a warning glare. "Fine, mama bear! I'll be nice... Until he starts making a fool of himself." He added the last part quietly.

Moral of the Story Taglist:

@taylormobley @ximaginx @vicmc624 @leyannrae

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @heyiamthatbitch @lizzymacy555  @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses @pham-tastical

My Lovelies forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose  @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan  @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @carls1022 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk​ @princess-annna

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@chloe-skywalker @charmedbysarge @jbarness @bellamy-barnes @katiaw2 @aikeia

[supercorpkid]

You’re going to wish you were dead, instead.

Part 4 of T is for Trauma - The Series

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader

Word count: 2370.

Warnings: kidnapping. Injuries. Next level angst.

Previously on the series – part 1, part 2, part 3

You open your eyes when someone kicks your stomach twice. You can’t control the vomit that comes right after, when your body finally understands that you’re up.

“Gross! Boss! The child threw up on my feet.” He walks away from you.

You want to appreciate that fact that you just did something to one of them, but everything hurts so much, like your skin is being peeled off of your body, that right now your only wish is that you could just die already so you don’t have to feel this unbearable pain anymore. Never in your worst nightmares, you’ve imagined you could feel so much pain you would wish you were dead instead.

“Stupid shit doesn’t die of over-exposure. It’s been hours! Maybe we should just shoot her, so she can bleed out to death.” One of them says and you pray they’re being serious.

“Please.” You plead. “End this.”

The boss kneels in front of you, with a creepy satisfied smile on his face. He looks behind him, to the other guys, and starts laughing like you just told the funniest joke in the world. His goons start laughing with him.

“I’m not going to end this. I wouldn’t want to stop all this fun you’re having!” He stands up, the same creepy smile still on his lips. “You know, you Kryptonians are funny. You act like Gods deciding everyone’s fate with some kind of morality no one even knows if you actually have. So, you’re ok with putting us through pain, but you can’t take any?”

“They are some weak Gods.” One of his henchmen says, and he looks back like he is telling him to shut up.

“Your world exploded for a reason. No kryptonian was supposed to survive. But then Supergirl and Superman came to Earth. Now, they are here dictating rules, expecting everyone to follow them. Who do they think they are? Those cockroaches.” He spits on the floor next to you, and you feel saliva hitting your face. “They’re not even supposed to exist, let alone procreate.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” You whimper, and he gives his maniac laughter again.

“I’ll do you a solid though, just because you’re just a little kid.” He raises a hand and quickly one of his goons puts a gun in his hand. He points at your leg. “I’ll make a little hole, to accelerate your dying process, ‘kay?” And he shoots your leg.

You scream as loud as you can, with all the strength still left in you. You thought you were already in so much pain because of the kryptonite, that this wouldn’t add up and you wouldn’t feel any more. You were wrong. The pain piled up on top of each other. So right now, the inside of your body is agonizing, your leg is burning and you’re bleeding out. Is this pain going to go on forever? It sure feels like it, because no matter how much you pray for it, you’re still not dead.

No, you’re not dead. You’re just lying there in your own vomit and blood, thinking about how much you want this nightmare to end, one way or another, when you hear gunshots. You close your eyes, thinking they’ve changed their minds and decided to shoot you multiple times to end your pain, but you don’t feel anything.

“Supergirl, I’ve been expecting you.” What? You open your eyes when you hear that. You can’t see her, the boss is in front of you with his body, but you get a glimpse of red and your heart beats faster. “As you can see, I have kryptonite and your daughter. Now, would you-”

“FUCK YOU!” She flies towards him with her closed fist, throwing him to the other side of the room. You can’t see him, but you know there’s no way he can recover fast from that. Kara kneels before you, and rips the chains with her hands, tossing the kryptonite to the other side of the room, like it doesn’t even affect her anymore. And if it does, it’s not as painful as seeing your situation.

You thought that once you were free of kryptonite, the pain would go away. It didn’t. Your body still feels like it is up in flames. Kara touches your face, you whimper. You can’t barely make up her face with your one functioning eye, but you see your pain reflected on her face.

She is still kneeling next to you, when she hears a noise coming from where she threw the guy. She blows her freeze breath, holding him back a little. Kara looks around, like she’s looking for something.

“I’ll be right back, my love. Ok? Momma is here.” She disappears right after, but comes back a few seconds later, hair blowing, and even though you didn’t see a thing, you know she just used her super speed.

“Mommy. I’m dying.” You whisper and Kara holds you up, carrying you in the most protective way she can.

“Shhh. You’re ok. Mommy is here. You’re ok.” Kara looks around again and you see aunt Alex going inside the room with the biggest gun you’ve ever seen. “He’s tied up in the corner.”

“J’onn and I got this. Take her to the DEO and put her under the sun light lamp, I’ll be there in a few.” Alex goes to the other side of the room, but you still can hear her. “Oh, you thought it was funny shooting my niece? I’ll show you funny!”

You don’t hear anything else. Kara is flying with you back to National City, and you look up to her. Hair flying in the wind, tears dropping from her eyes, she can’t take her eyes off you.

“I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re safe, baby.” She gives you the saddest smile you’ve ever seen.

“Mommy, I’m dying.” You repeat very slowly, because you don’t have any strength left to speak, and you know Kara can hear you either way. And you need her to know. She needs to know you’re probably not going to make it.

“No, you’re not. You’re ok. We’re going home, ok? We’re almost there. Mommy is here with you and your mom is waiting for you. You’re ok, baby.” Kara is crying so hard you barely make out what she’s saying.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I love you.”

“I love you, little one. I’m sorry. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry.” She keeps repeating that until you close your eyes. You can finally let go, you said everything. She knows you’re sorry, she knows you love her. So, you stop fighting the inevitable.

You thought you would die. You wished you had died. But you’re still here. You hear voices and you feel hands on your body. Someone’s touching your leg, it hurts like a bitch. Someone is squeezing your hand, it’s reassuring. Someone’s kissing your forehead over and over again, it’s calming.

You keep waking up and blacking out. But you don’t think they know this, because you can’t talk, can’t open your eyes, can’t move your body. All you can do is feel pain.

“Baby, my baby. I know you can do this. You can come back to us, please, please. I love you so much, babygirl. You’re my everything.”

“Mom, why isn’t she up yet? It’s been days! You said she would be awake by now.”

“Jamie, I-I don’t… She will wake up, honey. Just give her time, she needs to rest.”

“No. No, mom. She’s supposed to be up by now! Bring her back! Do something!”

“I’ve done everything I can, Jam. Come on, honey. Let’s go. Come.”

“Alex, there must be something else we can do.”

“Kara, you know how much I want her back too, I just- I’m sorry, it’s out of my hands now.”

“I wish I could switch places with her.”

“I know, Kar. I know. Go home, you’ve been in here for days. Go see Lena. Go be with your wife.”

You keep wishing you were dead. But you don’t die, and you also don’t come back to life. You’re half alive, and that’s not enough for anyone.

“Hey, little one.” You hear softly, and your heart beats fast. For the first time you feel you have enough strength to do something. You need to let her know you’re still alive. “I brought donuts, and your homework again.”

You try to ask for food, because you’re starving, but you can’t talk.

“I’ve been doing your homework for the past two weeks, and I have to say, I don’t know how you do this. It’s so much stuff, and you still find time to work on your inventions, and go to trainings…”

Yep, your life’s not as easy as it seems.

“Oooh, want to have a laugh? Your teacher sent me your physics homework yesterday and I obviously didn’t know anything, so I asked your mom for help and guess what? Apparently, Lena doesn’t know everything. It took her ten minutes to solve a problem. It was freaking hilarious.”

It sounds hilarious. You wish you were there.

“Hey. Was that a little laugh?” Kara asks and you try to smile again so she can see it. “I’ll tell Lena you laughed at her. Wait, no. I can’t do that, she’ll have hope.” She breathes heavily and your heart shrinks. “Shoot, I’m crying on your homework again. Your teacher will start wondering.”

You want to wake up so badly. You don’t know why your body doesn’t obey you. You’ve been in this bed under the sun for two weeks apparently. Is your body ever going to respond?

“Hold me.” You beg, trying to make your voice come out. It feels like you’re stuck in those nightmares where you feel like you’re screaming, but no one around hears anything. “Please.”

“Alex said we can take you home, with the lights and all. I’m scared, because I know that here, you’re being watched by doctors, but-” You feel her hand stroking your face gently. “I want you to be comfortable, and I want to lay in bed with you all day. So, should I? Should I take you home?”

YES. Please. Do it. Please. All you want is to go home.

“Yeah. I know. We shouldn’t move you too much. We don’t know what’s going on inside you, right? Besides-” You feel Kara’s warmth next to you. “I can lay in here with you, even though Alex tells me not to. We don’t have to tell her, right?” You feel Kara’s arms around and your eyes water immediately. “Baby, are you crying? Did I- Did I hurt you?” She moves away. “ALEX! ALEX! SHE’S CRYING. DO SOMETHING.”

There’s a weird taste on your mouth. Metallic and bitter. You need to get out of this bed, you need to go back to your life. And you feel it has to be now, or it will be never.

You open your eyes, slowly. It’s hard, it’s like they were glued together. It’s all blurry and undefined. You just see bright yellow, but it’s the first time you’re seeing some color in a while so you can’t complain about it.

“Baby! Kara, Alex! She’s awake!” You hear Lena’s voice and you see black and white mixed with the yellow. It’s probably her hair and face, but you can’t know for sure. There are no shapes, just colors. “Baby, baby, it’s ok. Mom is here.” Lena kisses your face and you feel hands on your body. There’s a very strong hand holding yours, and you know it’s Kara, because she is holding so hard it hurts. And you feel Alex’s hands touching your pulsing points.

“Hey, little one. Can you say something?” Kara asks and you open your mouth.

“My bones.” You whisper so slowly it’s pretty much inaudible; you’re sure only Kara can hear you, and only because of her super hearing.

“Oh, oh, sorry.” She stops squeezing your hand and kisses it, gently. “I forgot about the loss of powers.”

Wait, what?

“Ok, you two move away, please.” Now you see red, mixed with the yellow. “Hey kiddo, this is aunt Alex. Listen I have to do a few tests with you, ok? If you can hear me perfectly, blink once.” You blink once. “Perfect. You’re doing really well. Now, if you can see me perfectly, blink once.” You don’t blink. “Oh, ok. Is it blurry?” You blink once. “Ok, don’t worry, it will go back to normal with time. Now, I want you to move your left leg, just a little. Can you do that for me?” You do it.

She then makes you move every part of your body, and slowly but surely you do all that she asks. You hear Kara and Lena’s celebrations next to you and you smile proud of yourself.

“Hey kiddo, that was perfect! Next time you wake up, you will feel a lot better. I promise you.” You feel a squeeze in your hand, and you give her a little smile. “I don’t want you to get tired, so you can go back to sleep now, and we’ll work more later ok?”

“Wait.” You whisper and she puts her ear close to your mouth so she can hear you. “Lena.”

“She wants you.”

Lena takes Alex’ spot, holding your hand and putting her ear close to your face so she can hear you better.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no baby, you don’t have anything to feel sorry for. Everything is alright. Listen.” You feel Lena wiping the tears from your cheeks. “You were right. I’m sorry I made you feel like you’re not the most important thing in the world for me, because you are. You are. Stop-stop worrying about it. Just use everything you have to recover, ok?” You nod weakly. “I love you.”

“We love you.” You hear Kara’s voice and you breathe deep.

“Mommy.” Your voice comes out a little stronger, but it is still just a whisper.

“Mommy is here, little one. I’ve got you. We’ve got you.” Kara says and you close your eyes again. Your body might still ache, but your heart doesn’t ache anymore.

[gojoscloset]

Damaged goods

Suna Rintarou x Fem!Reader Pt. 1

Suna confesses to reader who still dwells on their trauma

WARNINGS:

Brief mentions of Sexual trauma

Bad words

Not edited

Mayhaps really out of character

Self indulgent

Angst

Word count: 3k+

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Her?!”

“Yeah, her.” Suna confirmed, sharp eyes watching your expressions change as you interacted with your friends quite a few lunch tables away.

“Ha! Yeah, good luck Rin. I heard She’s prude as fuck” his friend patted Suna’s shoulder in a rough yet playful way. “I‘ve been school mates with her since intermediate, no good. She’s never dated anyone, rejects any confessions thrown her way, and immediately rejects people’s advances. You’re booking a room at the Heartbreak hotel if you’d ask me.”

“I didn’t ask, but thanks for looking out.” He didn’t expect his friend to react so negatively, immediately he changed the topic, no longer wanting to speak of you if it wasn't praise. Either way,Suna couldn't care less about who you rejected and why they got rejected. At the end of the day, they weren't him, and they didn’t know you.

___

You unknowingly planted a ‘parasite’ in Suna’s mind, as he likes to call it. He recalls the exact moment in which you were no longer blurred in the background, but right in his face the whole time; a small act of kindness that rotted his brain away with how much he thought about it.

He started noticing how frequent you two run into each other after the first ‘encounter’, now he quietly and stealthily looks your way in hopes of possibly catching you doing another kind act. Much to Suna’s surprise, he had the privilege of witnessing your integrity on multiple occasions which only made him want to be closer to you.

Of course he never initiated anything, nor did he make the effort to speak to you. He felt there really was no proper way to approach you without it being awkward in his eyes. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to initiate conversation?

“Hey, I have seen you do kind things for others and now I want to get to know you?”

“Hello, I saw you pay for someone’s items one time and now i can’t stop thinking about you, i’m Suna Rintaro”

Thoughts that kept him up sometimes. Thoughts that took up the free space in his mind until they started to affect his little day to day routines. It scared him to see himself willingly want to do things for you that were completely out of character. You. A person he only got to see a glimpse of, maybe that's what kept his infatuation burning. To think that the light that radiated from you was just what seeped through the cracks, a sample of who you really were, he only got a little taste and he was feening for more.

Suna was a quiet man, but he could only keep his head in the clouds for so long before someone noticed.

“So, what’s been on your mind?” Kita pulled him to the side after practice one day and that’s when he spilled everything to Kita. Kita himself was surprised yet honored to see this vulnerable side of Suna.

With a little encouragement from his teammate, he decided to tell you how he felt. He of course asked Kita and Aran for assistance,as they were the most level-headed members of the team and his friend group. They suggested the letter method opposed to the DM method Suna insisted would ‘be a lot easier’ to do. But they weren’t going to let him be a coward. “Things such as romance shouldn’t be done half-assed.” Kita damn near scolded him and reluctantly Suna obliged.

Somehow the twins caught wind of the plan, and decided they would be there while he confessed, in hiding of course. And after dragging Kita and Aran along, despite their protests and mentions of violating Suna’s privacy, the gang was somehow all there.

——

He practiced this very moment countless times in his head even preparing for rejection.

“Suna-San..'' you looked up from the envelope he handed you, you stared directly into his eyes, various forms of negative emotions displayed on your own face causing his anxiety to shoot through the roof, but the smile you gave him afterwards alleviated it just a tad.

‘Heartbreak Hotel…’ His friend's words repeated in his mind and Suna wondered if maybe he made a mistake, even if he barely said anything, did his actions come off too strong?

“...I am flattered, I really am…” You chuckled a bit, hiding the lower half of your face with the letter, slightly embarrassed but really flattered.

Oh how He wished you hadn’t done that. He wanted to see how you beamed because of him, even if the rejection would follow afterwards, he wished that smile reached him.

“But please don’t waste your time on me.” You laughed, examining the envelope, not looking at him while your fingers traced the large red heart sticker that sealed the confession.

He took the hit like a man, understanding that not everyone was going to like him in that way and rejection in life was inevitable, but he wasn’t going to let this go so easily, not when it came to you. Not when you called it a waste of time.

You were grateful that Suna didn’t do this in front of everyone, like all the others, Blissfully unaware that the devils were in the details and said devils were actually listening in and cheering for Suna silently on the other side of the lockers.

There were a million things Suna wanted to say but he couldn’t choose what to say in time before things went awkwardly silent. You couldn’t look at him for long before you shyly turned away, once again covering your face as you laughed.

“Thank you though.. but yeah… I’ll see you tomorrow in class?” You took a step to the side to walk past him, but before you managed to get away he took a step in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

He gave you a serious look once he finally grasped onto something to say , there wasn’t any hidden anger in his gaze, much to your relief.

“Pursuing you isn't a waste of my time.” He said plainly, his cool demeanor never wavered but internally his heart was doing flips. You were not expecting this kind of reaction honestly. Everyone else you had rejected always took it like a bitch, utterly offended and of course left you hurt with the slew of insults they used to mask their pain and to get back at you on their way out.

But not Suna, he had patience and was understanding. It hurt you that you had to reject him, but you couldn’t do that to him, not when you were still… fucked.

“That’s ‘cause you don’t even know me.” Your laugh was a pained one, and your fight or flight senses kicked in, he was stretching the moment as much as possible and it made you nervous.

“I know enough to know I want more.” he replied.

“And that’s a mistake on your end.” You snapped but you didn’t mean to. Your hands began to shake and your voice was beginning to crack under the pressure. You knew he meant no harm in prying, but you wished he would have reacted the way all the others have since It would have been easier to escape the situation.

His heart was heavy, but obviously not as heavy as yours.

“Look, Suna” you began, exhaling deeply. Your eyes finally met his. “I’m what they call damaged goods, okay? I won’t be able to give you what you want. Relationships require things that are difficult for me to give, and I think it’s best you trash the idea.” Your voice was small but the meaning behind your words was not.

“What is it that's required?” His hand rubbed the back of his neck, the nerves finally hitting him breaking his chill character. “Y-you never know..M..maybe you don’t have to give it to me...”

Your brows were knit together, confused at how oblivious he was. Did he really not get it? Or was this all an elaborate prank?

You opened up your mouth to speak but before you could mutter anything out, Kita came from around the corner, immediately you shoved the letter into your back pocket. Little did you know the letter was their doing. Well, Mainly Aran and Kita.

“Oh, there you are Rin. I hope I’m not intruding in anything, but we can’t start practice without you.”

Kita gave you a nod and a small smile, you returned the nod, and attempted with the smile, but it didn’t reach your eyes as it normally would.

Suna had a confused look on his face, but he played along. “Right…. “ He muttered, turning to look at you. You stared back at him but you were the first one to break eye contact

“Do your best at practice..I’ll see you around.” You whispered and quickly saw yourself out.

——

Atsumu, Osamu, and Aran stepped from the other side once Kita gave them the cue.

They rushed to Suna’s side, immediately bombarding him with praise and encouragement, and Suna hated it. He didn’t mean to feel this way, but Suna knew the praise came from a place of pity, it was etched on their sad smiles. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, even if he knew they were just trying to help.

Practice went on as it normally would, Suna was quieter though, as expected. He let his mind wander, the scene replaying in his head, trying to ping the exact moment where he messed up.

Kita pulled him to the side once again after practice.

“You are no coward.” Kita gave him a reassuring smile, Suna couldn’t return it though.

“It feels like I am.” He took a seat on the steps outside, Kita following suit.

“It’s understandable why you feel that way, romance is nothing easy. But you did what you could out there, you should be proud of yourself.” Kita threw in another one of his smiles but Suna wasn’t even looking his way, his mind everywhere but here.

Kita continued, knowing Suna was probably not going to say much to him. “ But the reason I pulled you aside today was to explain why I intervened. It seems that what she said went way over your head and I couldn’t continue to listen to you unknowingly pry.”

With those words Suna was thrown back to planet earth. He snapped his head in Kita’a direction, visible uncertainty in his eyes.

“It was when l/n talked about being ‘damaged goods’ and about what she couldn’t give you in a relationship.” Kita looked at Suna, searching his eyes to see in case the lightbulb finally flicked on. But it didn’t so he continued.

“I’m in a place I don’t belong, but Rin, I’m pretty sure she was referring to trauma...whether it be sexual or not, I suggest you refrain from prying.”

The cogs in Suna’s mind finally began to spin. He was able to put the pieces together and see the entire image for what it was. It made him sad to think that you referred to yourself as ‘damaged goods’ because of your past. He wanted to doubt the possibility, but the pieces to the puzzle fit all too well for it to be anything else.

Not only that- Kita, being as intuitive as he was, was usually never wrong about these kinds of things, nor would he lie to Suna. Especially about something like that.

He then remembered the ‘warning’ his friend gave him that one day. A wave of disappointment rushed through him knowing that his ‘friend’ made assumptions about you whilst being completely oblivious to the truth.

All of these things ran through his mind at a million miles per second. “Are you okay?” Kita snapped him out of his trance, he didn’t realize he hadn’t moved or said anything since he put it all together.

“Yeah.” He stood up and walked down the remainder of the concrete steps, Kita following his lead. “I’m heading home. Uhh...thanks for looking out, even if things didn’t go as planned” Suna rubbed the back of his neck and turned to watch Kita walk down the remainder of the steps

“And thank you for confiding in me, even though somehow the twins caught wind of it all.” They both chuckled at the last part.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, and chin up. You did your best” Kita waved him goodbye and headed home. Suna gave him a wave and headed home himself. Even though he got his feelings for you off his chest, he still felt like he couldn’t breathe. Like somehow the weight on his shoulders had increased.

—-

Reading the letter fucked you up. Of course it made your heart skip a beat, but it also made you hate yourself for familiar reasons.

Paragraph after paragraph of nothing but praise. You hated how you couldn’t see any of the things he said in yourself.

You fucking hated how being touched by someone without consent changed your entire life. You hated how much influence your past had on your future.

Moments like these and confessions like this made you question if you would ever live the life you wanted.

The concepts of marriage, children, sex, and almost all forms of physical intimacy made you cringe and shiver in disgust.

Things you once desired became things you hated, all because someone else fucked them up for you.

—

“Are you okay?...” your best friend, Hanako, asked as she looked up from the envelope you opened cautiously so as to not mess up the sticker.

You nodded, no longer having the energy to speak after all the crying. You didn’t even look at her while she asked, you just sat on your bed, staring at the wall mindlessly playing with the fur of one of your blankets.

“Your feelings are valid, I hope you know.” She rubbed soothing circles on your back and again you nodded, wiping your eyes again.

“It just sucks ya know? Because I want this so bad, but who the fuck is going to want to wait around for me? Imagine getting in a relationship with someone you can’t be intimate with because they’re scared. Like great, what a waste of their time.” You shook your head and went back to playing with the fur.

“None of those things are true, and the real world is wayyyy different. There are people out there who are patient and understanding and there is more to love than what you know. Trust me, take it from someone who’s graduated and has a little taste of real life .” She placed a hand on your shoulder and shook it playfully, trying to get you out of your funk.

“It doesn’t feel that way.” You muttered under your breath

“You feel this way only because you haven’t fully healed. And I don’t blame you y/n… the things you underwent require a lot of healing so please take as much time as you need and go easy on yourself.....” she grabbed your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

There wasn’t much left you had to say, but Hanako stayed by your side a while longer, watching a movie she knew was your fave to try and ease the pain. She had been here with you many times before and she would do it again and again because she loved you and wanted you to love yourself.

Hanako left long after the sun had set, she would’ve spent the night but she knew you had class the following morning.

But you couldn’t go to sleep, instead you reread the letter. Reading the paragraphs that made you feel like you were actually worth someone’s time over and over again.

‘There hasn’t been a day since that you don’t cross my mind. What started off as curiosity became something more. Your kind heart connected with that smile, that laugh, that face, It became too much for me to bear, I couldn’t go another day without telling you.’

Tears fell onto the paper, and you were quick to use your shirt to dab away the tears, not wanting to mess up the effort he put into it. After rereading the letter for what seemed to be the thousandth time, you decided it was time for bed.

After doing your routine you headed for bed, but as soon as your head hit the pillows your phone buzzed multiple times.

‘@2501Suna Sent you a message request’

‘Hey I know it’s late but’

‘It didn’t register to me what u meant by damaged goods until way after’

‘I’m sorry I’m kind of a dummy’

‘I didn’t mean to pry’

‘or make u uncomfortable’

‘And forgive me if I’m speaking in a place I’m not welcome’

‘But if what I think happened, happened’

‘I still stand by what I said in the letter’

‘And u are still deserving of love’

‘Have a Goodnight and see u tomorrow (^:’

He seemed to press enter with every Sentence causing your phone to buzz continuously.

You read the messages as they came in real time and just when you thought you’d stopped crying, fresh tears seeped out again.

You didn’t have much to say so all you did was double tap the messages, little hearts appearing at the bottom of each one, your way of showing your appreciation without having to say anything.

It was crazy to think that you had plagued someone's mind like Suna claimed you did. Even in the late night he still thought of you and considered your feelings, and even if you did reject him, Suna didn’t look for ways to kill the ‘parasite’ in his brain. If anything it fed it more.

You couldn’t help but smile at the messages, even if the horrendous self doubt clouded your mind, it was his efforts and his own kind heart that parted the clouds for you, you basked in the feeling, even if it was just for the moment.

A/N:

Trauma does not define you

Trauma does not get to influence your choices

Love is real

& Love is out there for you

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

[prompt-master]

THIS BITCH FUCKING DYING XD XD X'D

This is a lighthearted comedy fic, but I’m going to give a warning for mention/talks of suicide and death.

Now this may be a shocking sentiment to share; but being in a killing game fucking sucked, even if you were Momota Kaito. As ludicrous as that statement appears, heroes had a tough time in tragedy too. Kaito found himself feeling disappointed more often than he would like at the sight of his companions distrusting each other. How were they supposed to work together and escape if people were “scared” that they would be “murdered”?! Kaito believed in trust to the bitter end and he would see that philosophy through. To point the finger at others and accuse them of murder is simply what the mastermind wanted him to do, and if Kaito was anything he was not a loser.

But that’s part of what made his sidekick so incredible! No hero was complete without his supporting role! Of course, Shuichi was much more than a supporting role. In many ways he was the protagonist of his own world (Kaito is still the hero of this story, make no mistake). Even though Shuichi relied on the motivation of others to see himself through, he was probably one of the most capable men he’d ever met. His intinution and detective skills were essential to each trial when his thoughts weren’t fogged up by mental recoil. And despite his reclusive demeanor, he was a good friend to have that everyone wanted the best for. Shuichi was Kaito’s sidekick and it showed! For his sidekick had to stand on his own as one of the best!

...Well, maybe sometimes Shuichi didn’t have a leg to stand on because he didn’t look so dependable laying face-down on the ground. 

“Shuichi! Are you- what are you doing?” 

Shuichi was down on the ground in front of his Ultimate Lab with his foot stuck propping the door open. He didn’t lift his head up when Kaito called out his name, instead opting for a string of gibberish and raising one hand off the ground. 

“No, seriously. What are you doing?” Kaito propped the dizzy detective up against the wall, catching him as he nearly swayed back down to the floor in response. Kaito took note of his flushed face and unfocused demeanor. There wasn’t...booze in this killing game right? That would suck. A killing game and booze wouldn’t mix well. Although some may disagree and say a pint is just the pick me up after watching one of your friends be slaughtered.

“M-Momota-kun…” it seemed Shuichi was gathering his bearings again. He braced himself against Kaito by gripping his sleeves. 

“Alright, c’mon Shuichi. Let’s get you to the others. I’m sure they can help us out somehow!”

“Ah but...first things first…” Shuichi looked up at Kaito with a determined resolve in his eyes typically reserved for class trials. 

“If I die, it’s a suicide.”

Huh?

Huh?

HUH?!

WHAT?!

“Shuichi?!” Kaito shook Shuichi by the shoulders until he looked ready to pass out and keel over for good, “Why would you do that?! You have so much to live for!”

And Shuichi had the damn nerve to look exasperated by the panic, “Ack- Momota-kun please calm down it was an accident!”

“How do you accidentally kill yourself?!”

“Well it happens all the time really but-”

“That’s not reassuring coming from you! Just-” Kaito took a deep breath to steady his frustrations, “why the hell are you dying?”

“It’s- haha, well uhm, it’s a bit of a funny story you see-” Shuichi stopped his ramblings at Kaito’s unimpressed glare, Shuichi sighed and slumped over with a sense of shame and embarrassment, “I was in my lab familiarizing myself with the various poisons in case anyone tried to use one, but ended up dropping a bottle of powder on the floor and inhaling quite a bit.”

“T-that sounds pretty serious…” Kaito mumbled. “How do you treat a toxic inhalant?...How do I help you..? Just say the word and I’ll be there, sidekick!”

Shuichi closed his eyes and rested against the door. After a moment he said “At this rate, people will assume you killed me since you were with me all this time. So, to prove that it was a suicide-”

“Shuichi I asked how to save you not how to solve your murder.”

Shuichi tilted his head with a fog of puzzlement in his eyes, “...but solving murders is what I do?”

“Well don’t do it right now! I’m trying to prevent your death!”

“Hm.” Shuichi seemed to have to rethink his evaluation, but the situation hadn’t changed. “This is a killing game, Momota-kun. I don’t think surviving or saving is on par with the course of action the mastermind planned out.”

“W-well if there’s a poison, there’s an antidote right?”

Shuichi shook his head, “No, there’s probably enough materials to make one, but... I’m not a chemist.”

“Let’s ask Iruma to make one then!”

“She’s not a chemist either.” Not to mention Shuichi didn’t trust any sort of edible concoction Miu put together. He wasn’t sure what she would create, but he did know it would make him want to die even faster.

“Ok then, let’s ask Harumaki!”

“Wh- Momota-kun, Harukawa-san kills people!”

“Yeah, so maybe she knows how to unkill people too! I’m pretty sure she can do basically anything.”

Shuichi, with his head now in his hands, decided that it would be easier to simply go along with Kaito’s antics. His body felt weak and gross and his head was splitting, which was a shame because in all honesty that powder had smelt nice. If only it didn’t leave his lab in need of a quarantine. It could’ve been a good candle scent. Or perhaps Shuichi was just veering into delirium. Dying will do that to you. 

He was definitely veering into delirium because one moment he was staring down at his hands and the next he was being carried by Kaito. The worst part of it all was that it didn’t match his daydreams of being romantically carried bridal style by his crush. Instead he was a heavy sack of dead weight plopped against Kaito’s back trying to keep his nausea down as Kaito descended a set of stairs.

“Wh-what’re you doing?” Shuichi mumbled upon realizing that he couldn’t remember Kaito’s plan. If he had one.

“We’re going to get you help!” Shuichi thought it was a pretty bad idea. It would just make the trial even more confusing and he wouldn’t be able to clarify since corpses don’t make for good witnesses. Even if he wanted to voice that though, he ended up in a nasty coughing fit that left him gasping for air.

“Dammit!” Kaito hissed out, “If only Tojo was still here!”

That Shuichi agreed with. If Kirumi was here she would somehow manage to create a cure even though that was absolutely not in the job description of a maid. Her backstory concerned Shuichi quite a bit.

“There he is!” Kaito yelled out, picking up his pace from a light jog to a full run.

“We’re...w-w’re going to ask him for help...?” Shuichi mumbled, before letting out a loud groan, “no, that’s okay...j-just let me die then.”

“Oi Monokuma!” If it weren’t for the imminent danger that would result from it, Kaito would be throttling Monokuma until something broke. “You have to help Shuichi, dammit! Give him a cure or some shit!”

Monokuma tilted his head, looking up at Kaito with pseudo-innocence, “are you stupid or something?”

“Wh-” Kaito nearly lost his anger in confusion, only for it to come back tenfold, “you have to help him!”

“No I don’t, lol.” Monokuma shrugged, “I think the bastard dropping dead would be great! Honestly any of you mistakes would do, he’s not special or anything.”

“He’s our detective!”

“Yeah, you lot are screwed without him, huh?” Monokuma let out a cackle, curled in on his stomach like Shuichi dying was the highlight of his day. “Sounds so beary hopeless to be without a protag, huh! Man we’ve lost two protags in one show, that’s a new record! Someone write that down, I want a medal!”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about…” Kaito shifted Shuichi higher up on his back, ignoring the mumbles in his ear of what evidence to use in the trial, “but don’t start planning yet! Shuichi isn’t dying on my watch!”

Monokuma nodded, “yeah, you are stupid.”

“Fine then I’m going to Harumaki! She was my first plan anyway since you’re so useless!”

“Useless?” Monokuma’s voice wobbled, his head tilted down like a child being told to apologize for wrong doing, “and after all I’ve done for you too...I don’t have to provide you lot with food and shelter, you know.”

“Ahh shut up! We don’t have time for your weird feelings!” 

The world became another dizzying blur as Kaito ran off yet again. “Don’t worry Shuichi! I’m taking you to Harumaki! She’ll have everything figured out!”

---

“You inhaled a toxic powder from your lab?”

Shuichi nodded.

“And you’ve gotten no treatment this entire time?”

Shuichi nodded.

“How are you not dead already?”

Shuichi shrugged.

Maki sighed and pinched her nose, wondering how the hell these two idiots got themselves into such a mess, “Saihara, I always thought if you were going to die it would be from murder and not from some bullshit like this.”

Which was a fair assumption really. Being the detective among them, the group learned to rely on Shuichi’s deductions to solve the murders. Without him, there would be a lot of chaos that the killer could use to trick everyone. Wait. Why has no one tried to kill Shuichi again? Shuchi couldn’t tell if he was a lucky man or not, but considering he was currently dying on his crush’s back it’s safe to say he leaned towards unlucky.

Maki turned to Kaito, glaring at him in a way that said she wanted to help but the situation sucked to do anything, “what exactly do you want me to do about this?”

“Save him, of course!” “I’m not a doctor. I’m the opposite. I kill people.” 

Shuichi wished desperately that he could say “I told you so”

“Look Harumaki, we can’t just let him die like this! We’re his friends so we have to do whatever we can to help him! Not just for us, but for Akamatsu too! She wanted him to live!”

Harukawa’s steel glare seemed to melt a little at that.

“So we need a plan!” Kaito said, “and the plan is to save Shuichi!”

“That’s not a plan, that’s a goal. And it’s a stupidly impossible goal too.”

“Nothing is impossible!”

Shuichi wondered if he could just close his eyes and die to avoid all the yelling he’s had to endure today. 

Another voice joined the conversation with a loud cry of “what’s impossible!?” It was none other than Iruma Miu, confidently placing herself into the scene when no one asked her to. Kiibo was with her, following at a much slower pace with an expression that screamed second-hand embarrassment. With her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face, she ensured all parties had their eyes on her before speaking again.

“Because this hard-headed freak is right! Nothing is impossible with my beautiful plump brain around! What is it you’re looking for? A new way to pull off a fictional r18 move? I knew you three were depraved, but don’t worry Mama Miu has got it covered-”

“No, you idiot.” Maki cut her off without a drop of sympathy. Shuichi didn’t have any sympathy either though, so really it was just relatable. “Saihara is dying.”

“Eh? What?” Miu’s voice fell into a submissive whimper. She curled in on herself and fiddled her hands together. “That doesn’t sound good…”

“Yes dying is usually not good.”

Kiibo worriedly hovered near Kaito, trying to get a good look at Shuichi, “is he ok?”

“No. Because he is dying.”

Miu seemed to have panic in her eyes, “he can’t die! Not yet anyway! Who killed him huh?! Who’s trying to escape?!”

“Iruma!” Kaito ignored her questions, “you can save him, right?! He was poisoned, and you always say that you can do anything!”

“I-I mean yeah I can but… but I don’t know anything about biocompatibility... I honestly just put things in the body and hope it works…I would need more time...”

“Then what about you Kiibo?! Maybe you can...I don’t know- analyze the poison and come up with a cure!”

“My algorithm doesn’t do that...I could do a Google search if we were given WIFI access though...”

“Dammit does anyone have an idea to save Shuichi?!”

“Oh! Oh!” Miu raised her hand, “I’ve seen people induce vomiting in movies to stop poison! That’ll work, yeah?!”

Maki, realizing that this conversation was going to draw out far longer than to her liking, pulled out a chair and sat in it, “first of all: do not do that. Second of all it was an inhalant. I don’t think that will stop his lungs from shutting down any time soon.”

“I know!” Kiibo turned to Miu with a determined look, “Iruma-san! Repurpose my wiring so that my hands function as a defibrillator!”

“Did you not hear what I just said?” Maki asked.

“Well it might stop Saihara-kun from dying if his heart stopped!”

“There’s nothing we can do.” Maki stressed, “we just have to lay him down, monitor him,, and hope he lives” 

“Harumaki that’s the same as giving up!”

“Hey hey!” No. God dammit. Sure, let’s keep complicating the dialogue. Shuichi was having a very bad day. Could this poison just finish him off already instead of leaving him on death’s doorstep? Fucking rude. Ouma Kokichi, hearing the glorious sounds of frantic arguing, skipped over to the group with a peachy look on his face.

 “What’s wrong with you all? You’re acting like somebody died.” Kokichi did a dramatic gasp, covering his mouth with his hands, “did someone die?! Did someone finally kill Keeboy?!” 

Kiibo stopped debating with Miu to give Kokichi an unimpressed look, “seriously?”

“Nishishi- yeah, I guess that would be too lucky.”

“Can you take something seriously for once in your life?” Maki glared, “because somebody will die if we can’t figure this out. Saihara inhaled a toxic powder and we aren’t sure how much time we have left to save him.”

“Ehh?” Kokichi’s face turned from confusion to worry. He’d clearly thought Maki was messing with him until he saw Shuichi’s half conscious body draped over Kaito looking very much like a victim of poison. Just as quickly as his expression changed it turned into an over exaggerated ploy they’d all seen a million times. His eyes filled with tears, his lip quivered, his nose started to sniffle. With a hiccup in his voice he began to whimper, “one of you guys is trying to kill my Saihara-chan?! I thought you all were preaching about friendship and trust and ending the killing game!”

Kokichi tilted his head back as he fell into a full on sob. A loud childish ear-breaking wail resounded as tears poured from his eyes with practiced ease. “You guys are so awful!” he yelled in between his sobs, “how could you do this?! Saihara-chan can’t die!”

“Would you shut the fuck up, flat ass!’ Miu yelled. 

And just like that Kokichi’s sobs had turned off. A complete 180 from his previous demeanor. It was like he hadn’t cried at all. His eyes weren’t red and puffy, his nose was dry, and his body was relaxed and poised. He stared camly down at his fingernails, examining them as though this situation was nothing more than a slight inconvenience to his day. “I’m serious, you know. I would never joke or lie. Saihara-chan can’t die, this game wouldn’t be the same without him.”

Kaito nearly asked Kokichi what he meant. Did he care about Shuichi? Did he care about their survival? Was he finally coming around? 

“Oi Monokuma!” Kokichi yelled. Monokuma bounced into the scene as though he was on Kokichi’s beck and call. “Hey did you know that Saihara-chan is dying? Like right now? And we’re all just watching that?”

Okay. Maybe he wasn’t starting his redemption arc then. Maybe he’s still the same piece of shit Kokichi.

“Ouma, what are-”

“Of course I know! It’s pretty funny, huh Ouma-kun?”

Kokichi laughed along with Monokuma, as though they were cut from the same tree. But then suddenly he was back to that semi-disappointed demeanor. “Yeah. Saihara-chan is dying. And doesn’t that really suck? This game is going to sooo be terrible without him. In his trial I bet we’re all going to die because these morons can’t think without him. You know that too, don’t you, Monokuma? WIthout Saihara-chan your show is going to be cut off in this most annoying and unentertaining way. Ahhh I can’t believe this is how the game ends. After all that build up too. I don’t think I even want to be a part of this any more honestly. I’d much rather pig breath die.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

 Monokuma seemed taken aback by Kokichi’s analysis. He pondered it for a moment, nervously looking around and imagining all the lovely executions that would go to waste if Shuichi died right now. With a sigh he pulled out a very suspicious bottle from-...actually where did he pull that bottle from? Not important. What was important was that there was finally a cure in front of them, the one they’d been asking for all this time.

“Give him this and the brat should be good as new!” and with that Monokuma popped away.

Kokichi, holding the vial, smiled brightly at the others, “Here you go! Don’t let Saihara-chan die again okay! I don’t care if any of you others do but Saihara-chan is very special m’kay?”

…

…

...

“So you mean…I really could have asked Monokuma for a cure?! The bastard was just lying to me!?”

[chaoticpuff17]

A Dangerous Game

part 20

masterlist

warning: angst (because I’m a sadistic bitch), mentions of miscarriage. mentions of abuse.

Namjoon was nowhere to be seen when she emerged from the closet after her bath, but Jin was there looking very uncomfortable as he waited for her.

“Here to make sure I’m fit to be a brood mare?” She threw out fastening her earrings, the gold gingko leaves shimmering in the light as they dangled from her ears. “I can tell you right now that it won’t be happening.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry.” He sighed tiredly running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“And I did?” She snapped her voice sharp and cold. “Tell me when in all of this I have had a choice?”

“He’s a powerful man, Y/N. It does no good to fight against him.” He tried to explain, but she didn’t want to hear it.

“I have been fighting. I’ve been fighting for months!”

“And look where it’s gotten you!” He shouted in frustration. “You have a chip in your neck, and your brother is in a cell!”

“I have done my best!” She yelled every bit as frustrated. “I have done my best not to go insane in this hellhole. I have done my best to get through this with my dignity, and I failed! Okay? Is that what you want to hear? I failed! And now I’m going to be stuck in this fucking hellhole for the rest of my life because I can’t bear to see Jackson die!”

By this point she had broken down in tears sinking down into one of the chairs situated by the windows.

“I tried so hard.” She sobbed, and Jin sighed coming to kneel in front of her.

“I know. I know, and you did so well. But there’s nothing more to do.” He whispered taking her hands in his. “I’m so sorry, sweet girl. I wish it could be different, but it’s not.”

 “Why?” She asked meeting Jin’s eyes. “Why did he pick me?”

“I think he really does love you.” He offered albeit hesitantly. “He’s just… he’s not great at expressing it. If you gave him a chance,”

“I don’t want to give him a chance, Jin. I want to strangle him with my bare hands and burn his entire empire to the ground.”

“What about me? What about Jungkook?” He asked. “Do you want to burn us to the ground too? We’re part of Joon’s empire.”

“Of course not,” She sighed groaning as she dropped her head into her hands. “No, I want the best for you both, but is this really the best?”

“Where would we go? Not all of us get the chance you got to start over.” He asked laughing bitterly. “Jungkook was scooped off the streets as a kid. We raised him. He has nowhere else to go. Namjoon helped me get through medical school, and he’s my best friend. I owe him everything. He’s not a bad buy, Y/N.”

“He’s not a good guy.”  She scoffed.

“Maybe not.” Seokjin shrugged. “But are any of us? Is the world really so black and white?”

She sighed knowing he was right. Nothing was ever fully black and white. There were far too many gray areas in the world, making life messy for all involved. Nothing was ever as simple as it seemed, even this.

“You’re going to have to adapt, sweet girl. Adapt to survive.” He urged. “You could rule his whole empire if you set your mind to it. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone before. He would set the world at your feet if you asked it of him.”

“I don’t want the world. I want a normal life, a life far away from him.”

“You can’t have that, sweet girl, so you might as well take the world.” He grinned.

“Are you telling me to bleed your best friend dry?”

He laughed that wind shield wiper laugh she loved so much. “I don’t think he’d let you go that far, but he’d make you a queen.” He hesitated knowing she wouldn’t like what he was going to say next. “And maybe you could learn to love him. He is trying to win you over.”

She scoffed. “He threatened to kill Jackson.”

“I never said Joonie was good at.” Jin smiled. “He lets you get away with so much more than he’s ever let anyone else get away with. If anyone else talked to him the way you do, they’d have a bullet in their skull faster than you could blink.”

“That’s not exactly romantic.”

“He wants a life with you.”

“I’m aware. He’s talking about children.” She shuddered remembering the morning’s conversation.

“He mentioned.” Jin grinned. “I’d love to have some nieces and nephews running around.”

Something sad and longing took over her face as she sighed. “Jin…”

“You’d have really cute babies.”

“Jin…”

“Think of the little shoes, Y/N, the tiny little shoes.” There were practically hearts in his eyes as he thought of it.

“Jin, I don’t even know if I can have children.” She finally burst out in a rush. “I’ve been pregnant before, and it didn’t end well.”

Jin’s brow furrowed with concern as he put on his doctor façade. “What do you mean?”

“I was pregnant before, when I was with Marcus. He wasn’t really concerned with birth control.” She chuckled humorlessly bitterness welling up in her chest as she thought of it. “The first one I lost fairly early on. The second one…” She shivered. “It was bad, Jin.”  

“What happened?” He asked gently.

“I was five months along. Marcus was… particularly volatile that night. I was… I couldn’t… I couldn’t fight him off.” She stuttered lashes heavy with unshed tears. “There was so much blood.” She shuddered hunching in on herself.

“You lost the baby?” Jin prompted gently watching with sad eyes as she nodded.

“The doctor.” She took a deep breath. “The doctor said that I’d hemorrhaged during the… It was bad, Jin. It was really bad.” She broke down in tears leaning into Jin’s calm and safe presence as he cooed sweet words of comfort. It was all he could do at that moment.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I understand.”

“Please don’t tell him.” She whimpered. This was personal, too personal for Namjoon. He didn’t get to know this side of her. He didn’t get to know everything. He didn’t get this.

“I won’t tell him.” Jin promised. “Doctor patient confidentiality.” She released a watery laugh at that. They both knew that doctor patient confidentiality meant very little where Namjoon was involved. “Do you want to have children, Y/N?” He asked gently.

“I don’t know.” She whispered. “I never thought they’d be in the cards for me.”

“I’ll talk to Namjoon, and get you some birth control okay?” He murmured hugging her close. “He may be an idiot, but he’s not going to force you to carry a child until you’re ready to.”

“That’s not the impression he gives.” She chuckled humorlessly. “He said it would settle me.”

“Yeah, well Joonie’s an idiot.”

“Can you tell him that?”

“Are you crazy?” He laughed. “I would like to keep my head.”

Just than Seokjin’s phone rang. “Joonie!” He crowed throwing her a wink as he took the call. “We were just talking about you.”

His face lost any trace of humor following whatever Namjoon said on the other end of the line. “You want me to what? Namjoon, I’m not br….” He paused as Namjoon said something on the other side of the line.  “She’s not ready to…” He sighed in frustration as Namjoon interrupted him again. “Fine. But I am not responsible for what happens next.” He growled before ending the call.

“Jin?”

“You’re going to need some shoes. You’re wanted at headquarters.” He pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “The idiot thinks it’s a good idea for you to be present for this meeting. You were requested apparently.”

“Me?” She asked shock coloring her tone. “Namjoon wanted me at a business meeting?”

“Not Namjoon, GOT7, another one of the gangs that operates around here.”

“What do they want with me?”

“I think it’s probably better if they explain that. I’m just the one tasked with bringing you.” It made her nervous to see how much this made Jin nervous.

“What exactly do they want with me?”

“All I know is that they’ve claimed you as theirs.”

“Theirs? I don’t even know who they are.”

“They say you’re one of the family and are demanding you be returned. Something to do with Jackson?”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Well, Namjoon is pissed. He doesn’t like Jaebum very much. The good thing would be that this would give you status outside of Namjoon. You’d have protection. The bad thing is, you’re claimed as a member of a powerful family when you are trying to get away from this life. They claim you, and whether or not you get away from Namjoon, you’re in this for life.”

“This is serious then.”

“Deadly.” He agreed. “Namjoon won’t let anything bad happen to you though. You know that right?” He urged taking her hands in his. “You’ll be okay.”

“Better the devil you know, I suppose.” She agreed. “Well, let me go get cleaned up, and then we’ll go face the devils.”

“Namjoon said to bring you right away.”

“You can tell the illustrious Mr. Kim that I do not come at his beck and call, and that makeup takes time. So unless he wants me there with mascara dripping down my face looking like a hot mess, and I’m sure his guests would love that, he will have to wait.”

Jin grinned at her. “Yes, ma’am.”

She straightened up her hair and redid her makeup doing her best to take her time. It sent a rush of glee through her knowing that the more time she took, the more irritated Namjoon would become. He could afford to sweat a little.

“Ready?” Jin asked as she stepped out doing a little twirl to show off.

“As I’ll ever be.”

part 21

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO Origins, “Conn”

Ok guys, sorry about how late this one is. Writing for a group of creatures that don’t understand spoken language or time is kind of a bitch. I tried to make it seem alien as possible, bu it was hard for me and I don’t know how well it gets across 

Was so very dark and he was so very alone.

His sails waved and undulated in the vast darkness, but no light caressed their surface to allow hmi to retreat. 

So he was here, in the never-ending quiet, he had once thought he would like the quiet but now determined that was not the case. He needed that warble of background sound, the thoughts filling up his head, however, he just wanted to be the quiet one.

He wanted his thoughts private where others could not poke and prod and see his bitterness towards them

He didn’t have a name, just images and feelings associated with his being. When everyone thought of him, they grew uncomfortable, quiet, and almost exasperated with his presence. His name was unwanted and discomfort.

Perhaps that is why he had gone and done what he did, perhaps it was his own subconscious thoughts that led him to this moment, for not even he had known until it was too late. Travelling at thousands of miles per hour, side by side with his colony, he had taken the turn far to shallow, and so his momentum had carried him off into the darkness. As he went he remembered hearing the distant fading of their voices back into the blackness.

And then there had been only silence.

And for once he had his thoughts to himself.

IT scared him, and he turned using up the last bit of his solar energy to push him back towards the star where his colony had last existed. He was so scared.

And so hopeless.

It took him one entire year to return to the star, and by that time his colony was long gone, likely thankful for his timely disappearance when they wanted it most. He tried to follow them, tried to guess where they might go, but it was no use, the universe was big, and he was so very small.

There was no reason for him to stay here, and  he took the next microrift that opened up to him. He had no idea where it would take him, and he didn’t much care. There was always a chance it would dump him out in the middle of space with no way to get anywhere else, but the starborn knew the rifts, and they knew, that for some reason, they tended to empty out close to other stars.

So he took the rift, and when he did, he sensed a wave of powerful blue light.

IT charged his body with energy and allowed him to move quickly around the system, where a bright blue emissions nebulae seemed to surround everything.

And that is when he heard them, the distant murmuring of inner thoughts. He followed them until the voices grew louder and louder and louder hoping beyond hope that they might be his. He broke from the clouds, and knew immediately they were not, their thoughts were too strange, though they were of the same type as him.

He would have turned away, but they too sensed him.

They were not pleased with his presence.

Two of his ribbons were completely torn off that day, but the queen took mercy and let him stay. She could see his long years of solitude inside his head, and would no mind one more worker for her colony. Of course, he would never be allowed mating privileges of any sort,, but he could just as well gather minerals for her

He hated it, and they could easily sense his hatred.

ON multiple occasions he was accused of trying to harbor hidden thoughts and false secrets. 

They were right, his time in the black had made him cold and indifferent to them. While he took comfort in the noise, he was used to the silence. And so he lived for an unknown amount of time, as a drifter, a vagrant hanging abut this unaccepting colony becoming more and more ostracized every day by his secret yearnings.

Year passed, and they always stayed in the same place, rotating around the same blue star with the same blue nebulae around them. He despised all of it. He wanted to travel, to see the rest of the galaxy, but the others would not have it, and they despised him for his restlessness. They would not leave their comfortable home. They were not nomads, but neither could he leave again, he was too afraid of being alone in the silence to go without him.

So he grew bittern in the bright light of their giant blue star.

Not his star, their star.

He was floating about the outer permitted of the colony one day, keeping just out of easy thought range when he felt it, or heard it, or sensed it. It was, a horrible discomfort, strange and alien for a moment he wondered if he was dying. It was like the pull of gravity was trying to suck his basins out of his head. His eyes throbbed, and his insides churned where they should not have done so.

He felt as the entire colony looked out in confusion towards the source of the voice.

Please no no, I can’t pass out I can’t pass out. I’ll die.

Behind him the colony erupted in confusion.

Conn perked up listening to the sounds he had never heard and understanding the strange language based upon those sounds without ever trying. He was, enveloped in a mind that was strange and sticky, and tangled and confused and frightened. He could feel bodily sensations that a starborn had never felt before.

Pain

The mind flickered.

No, no.

Oh no.

He shot off into the nebulae chasing the sound ribbons billowing at his back as the others called for him to stop. He had no idea what that was.

Though that was a lie.

This was a… human.

Another creature. He could see flashes of images by colors he had never seen before and through eyes so different from his. The strange feeling stirred him up inside, confused him and thrilled him at the same time. 

The voice was getting louder.

He broke from the cloud pausing at what he saw.

A strange creature vaguely starborn in shape, but wrapped in so much strange and alien material. IT rotated violently through the space.

Can’t keep it, closed.

He could feel the hand pressing tight over a tear in the fabric, knew that the creature was going to die even as it began slipping away.

He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but he slid forward even as the creatures mind was fading out. Atmosphere was leaking from the suit, and he had to place his hand over it to stop. The human spun into him, and they both rotated for a few moments as he got his bearings, finally stopping with a burst of energy as they exited the nebulae.

He could hear voices behind him. He could hear their thoughts rising in anger for what he was doing, but he didn’t care.

He waited holding the creature as it wallowed in darkness.

They wanted him to get rid of it, but he didn’t want to listen.

It was far to interesting to get rid of.

How am I still alive? 

Or am I alive? 

Is this what the afterlife is like, floating in eternal blackness forever with no sense of time or space.

Wait , no, you should probably open your eyes first dipshit. I think I see something

He felt the creature open its eyes, watched as the strange scene unfolded before it, and his own face staring back at it, white with black eyes, thousands of ribbons trailing from behind him. His hands gripped tighter to the creature, and through it’s mind he could feel the pressure of his own hands.

Mother Fuck! 

Holy shit, what is that, what is it  doing.

Why did it save my life, what is happening?

It’s thoughts washed over him like waves. Warm memories, cold memories, sad one angry ones frightened ones. He could feel the sun on it’s back in a way that he had never experienced the sun before.

He leaned his head closer face bumping against the mask.

wait , how am I still…

The creature’s hand brushed over his.

It saved my life. But why.

He knew what the creature looked like under there, strangely like him, though it’s skin was darker. He rested a hand against the visor, almost wishing to touch it. It did the same, he could feel it trailing its hand upward to rest over his.

Could it hear him?

He didn’t think so, it acted like it couldn’t .

It needed sound to hear.

The inside of it’s head was silent, even if surrounded by a thousand others. He wanted to be like that so badly. Wanted to be with his own thoughts even as a torrent of sound raged around him.

He turned to the side as other voices interrupted him demanding he put the creature back, demanding he get rid of it.

They wanted nothing to do with it’s strangely silent thoughts, the way it couldn’t hear them. They wanted nothing to do with its awe or how it felt heat and cold. They wanted nothing to do with its colors and its pain. He could feel them looming up behind him, a massive interconnected hive mind that wish nothing more than to crush the creature’s consciousness…. He had been threatened by that before, and it was not a fate he would recommend to anyone/

What is this?

The creature had no idea what they were planning.

He turned to look at it. 

His brethren were getting closer.

He parted his lips in a smile.

Wow…. don’t don’t do that. That is…. Uh…. creepier than I would like.

But still it reached up a hand and placed it on his face.

I wish I knew what it felt like? 

They were coming for it, encroaching on all sides ready to crush its mind. What was he to do? But yes, that is when he heard its companions. 

The human remained blissfully unaware as he pulled the human closer.

He had to save it, and so he grabbed it by the arms, and pushed it back into the nebulae. He felt it’s surprise and it’s fear, how it pressed it’s fingers against the suit, and then he fele the anger and fear of his own race as they came bearing down on him. 

Their minds enveloped him.

***

They were angry at him for not killing it, for not killing the abomination that was the thing with the silent mind, but the mind was not silent, it was so lively and warm. But it was deaf that was all, and he liked that about the creature. They wanted it gone;, they wanted it gone for hiding its thoughts, and he wanted it to stay for just such reason.

And with the creature’s thoughts, with its strange ability, he walled off his plan, distracted them with other imaginings to hide his intentions, and then he followed it finding it encases inside meta, where atmosphere and gravity was heavy. The environment in which it survived scared him for he could be crushed within the gravitational field.

But still he stayed.

He wondered, if like the humans he could speak? And it would hear.

It was very difficult to form a coherent thought when all the other alien thoughts bombarded him. He felt pleasure and pain and anger and exhaustion all at once, until his insides were nothing more than a jumbled mess of confusion.

It took him hours to find the creature, and when he did, he did his best to communicate. He rested his hand against its giant metal hive its ‘space ship’ and tried to get it to hear him.

And for the first time.

He used the memory of the sounds.

“Adam.” 

He used the memory felt its confusion, felt its pain, and heard himself through the sound in its head.

***

He had committed an act of treason against them. He had harbored secret thoughts, and for that he was going to pay. He was going to die, but that was only after they took care of the thing that had corrupted his mind. He had been dragged away from the ship, dragged away after meeting the creature face to face, feeling the cold of its own hands through it’s skin. He had felt the fear and the excitement.

But now it might all be over. They did not like what he had done, and this time he had committed one last egregious mistake. He had turned against them and sought out his own private thoughts in a way that only heretics did.

He was an abomination.

But for some reason he was ok with that.

He had always been an aberrant hole in the way things were done, even when he was firstborn.

A lot of his kind had openly wondered about what was wrong with him. Many wondered,or blamed his behavior on the circumstances of his birth.

He had been born in the darkness between stars on their journey across the vastness, while the others had been away searching for minerals He was the last born to the queen before she died, her body going limp even as he floated at her side. And so he had listened to her go silent, and been left along in the darkness and quiet for an unknown period of time before the others returned.

They did not measure time like humans did.

That is why they put up with him for so long, because it was their fault no one had been there in his first moments of life. No one had been there to dispose of the suspended corpse by which rested. The males were strictly reprimanded for their absence, for it was their job to take care of the queen and her children when they were born while the females foraged.

They needed to forage twice as much to raise the youngling queen who had been born in preparation for the old queen’s death.

Perhaps it was the young males thinking that their queen was not being well-fed enough that led them to tray away when he was born, but either way it did not matter. Something had gone wrong with him, something that scared a lot of his brethren.

For he had been born in the dark and the silence filled with nothing for an unknown amount of time.

He wondered if that was the reason he chased silent sound, and perhaps that was the reason the human followed him, for it too was strange for its kind.

The others could have not asked for a more opportune time to crush its mind.

But of course he could not let that happen.

He had never fought in his life, for there was no fighting with the star born, but somehow seeing into the human’s head helped him to block out the crushing weight of force which was slowly cracking its consciousness like glass. 

And somehow he won.

***

He could feel the human’s anger, it was hot and warm, but in that same way it was anger the mind behind it was still softer than any mind he had known before. Starborn aren’t known for their ability to feel empathy. They don’t need to since they can read each other’s thoughts. But this human, it felt for him though it knew nothing anything. Despite being angry he could intrude on its thoughts.

He had felt real anger before, and this was not it.

This was blustering anger.

As far as he understood this mind was too soft to produce real anger on command, though that anger was hidden deep inside 

And despite the fear that he sometimes trailed with him, Conn found understanding and empathy on a crew of people who couldn’t even read his mind, he found a name that was not annoyance or pity.

HE found a name with sounds, and a name associated with a changing landscape.hew as never pity, sometimes he was annoyance, other ties he was amusement, sometimes he was indifference, and often his name was friendship.

[tailorvizsla]

A Proper Mandalorian Courtship - Chapter 4

Title: Fire (Or Some Mando Slice of Life) Pairing: Paz x OFC, OFC x OMC, Paz x Reader Word Count: ~6800 Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Sort-of graphic description of an injury and its treatment.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 📚 My Master List 📚

Tag List: @hdlynn @princessbatears @ffiiggyy

If you want to be tagged, let me know! :) 

[flashback]

Paz returns to the karyai. Zephyr is with Norj in the nursery, safely shielded from the shit-show that is about to happen. Three minutes after his return, Armorer strides back into the room amidst pure silence. Mere seconds later, Zeli and Liam slink into the karyai, buckets firmly back in place. Neither even dares to look up as they come stand in front of the table where Armorer is standing. She stares at them for several moments. The silence drags on, his heartbeat roaring in his ears.

“You broke your Oath. Why?” Armorer asks, in a tone that some might regard as casual.

Paz knows better than that. Armorer is livid. She has probably gone from incandescent rage to calm and back several times. They take too long to respond, and she finally loses her temper.

“Why?” Armorer barks sharply at them.

“I have no explanation,” Zeli says, her voice wavering slightly.

“I have no explanation,” Liam says hoarsely.

Like a cold autumn breeze rasping leaves across the ground, whispers erupt through the crowd, and sends a wave of prickles down his flesh.

“The Tribe cannot come to a decision regarding your punishment,” Armorer says, her voice like ice. “Twelve votes for marriage, twelve votes for exile.”

The two of them exchange a look between themselves. He knows what they are thinking: there are twenty-eight adults in the Tribe; since the Alor usually abstains from these votes, the stalemate should have been broken.

“One individual abstained from the vote,” Armorer says, her tone calm and cold. “Thus, the decision falls to me.”

She withdraws her own dagger. Though beautifully ornate, it is honed to a lethal edge. It has taken many lives over the years. It is only fitting that it decides their final fate with the tribe. She does not hesitate to drive the blade under the tongs. Marriage. It shocks him to his core. Of all the people here, he thought she would vote for exile. She withdraws, her entire body tense. No one dares to argue, though he can hear angry mutterings.

“You will marry,” Armorer says flatly.

“What about – “ Zeli starts to say.

Zeli dares to look at him. Paz tightens his jaw, biting into the sides of his cheeks to avoid the caustic response. Here, right now, he feels no sorrow. Only anger. Pure unadulterated rage. While he simmers, Din growls. She quickly looks back down.

“What about Zephyr?” Liam finally asks.

How could a buir even hesitate to ask about their child’s wellbeing? Paz is beyond disgusted with Liam.

“What about Zephyr?” Armorer repeats, enunciating each word carefully. “Did you think to ask yourself that before you bared your face to Zeli?”

“Did Paz see our faces?” Liam asks.

“No,” he responds. “I did not look.”

“Then why take our helmets?” Zeli asks quietly. “I would have thought you would want us gone…”

Paz does not look at either of them.

“My Oath to this Tribe comes before anything else. If I had not acted – if I had walked away, pretending I had not seen what I saw, I would be complicit in this blatant disregard for the Oath we all swore,” Paz says, every word carefully modulated to remain as neutral as possible. “I did what I could to ensure the best possible outcome for Zephyr, which is more than I can say for either of you.”

More muttering, though it is a lot quieter than before. To drive the knife in deeper, he continues. He cannot help himself.

“Regardless of what has been done to me, I am no liar. I still have my honor and my integrity.”

This time, everyone remains silent.

“Do you wish to exchange vows?” Armorer asks, her voice silky soft.

“We…we will exchange them,” Liam says.

His voice is hoarse. Pained. Paz feels his lip curl in disgust. The two adulterers turn to one another. Quietly, they exchange their vows. With each word, Paz feels his stomach tighten to the point of pain. He wants to throw up, but he forces himself to witness their farce of a marriage.

This is not how it is meant to be. The riduurok – the marriage bond – is formed from love. To a Mandalorian, especially one as conservative as him, marriage is an oath of loyalty, fidelity, and unconditional support.

Marriage comes from a love that is formed from mutual admiration and acceptance; from whole-hearted, joyful surrender to ones’ other half. It comes from the type of respect that grows deep, strong roots. It culminates with two people joining their lives as one, from the moment the vows are spoken until the day they go marching far, far away.

Marriage is not the love that is formed from passion, lust, and deceit. When the heat leaves their hearts, and the nights grow cold, their roots will dry and weaken. They will not grow together and become one. There will only be rot stagnation until there is only distance and bitter resentment. He can only pray that Zephyr does not suffer further.

When they finish exchanging their vows, Armorer sighs and retrieves her dagger. One by one, the others follow suit. No one looks at them. Paz turns to exit. He will not be able to make them suffer the way he wants, but at least he can make them hurt a little. He can make them know how much he despises them for what they have done. Before he leaves, he pauses next to the newlyweds.

“My congratulations to the newlyweds. It is my greatest hope that the two of you will find peace and prosperity together,” he says calmly, coolly. “My gift to you.”

He reaches into his pocket and withdraws the ceremonial blade he had hoped to give her one day. Then he flicks it down onto the table, embedding the tip into the table before Zeli. She lets out a choked sob. Liam exhales and looks away.

“Paz,” Zeli starts to say.

“Please, ner vod,” Liam tries to say. “I am so sorry – “

“Do not ever address me by name again, demagolka,” he hisses at them, finally unable to keep his temper under control. “You are dead to me.”

He turns around before either of them can speak to them. From there, Paz heads back to his room. He hesitates at the door for just a moment. Then he exhales. The sooner he gets this done, the easier it will be. Entering, he finds Din already in the process of cleaning out Zeli’s property, tossing everything carelessly into a crate. He pokes through whatever Din has already packed to make sure nothing of his accidentally ends up in there. Paz unfolds another crate and starts going through the main room, listening as Din occasionally mutters an expletive or insult.

He finds several things that had once been at home with his – her second pair of boots, a bright pink sock, and a book. All of it goes straight into the crate. Piece by piece, he removes her from his life, each article erasing part of their eight years together. Like all other wounds, this pain will eventually heal, but he will not be the same as he was before. He can only hope that his new course in life will allow him to become a better man.

From here, he watches Din strip the bedding off the mattress. He balls it up and dumps it in the bottom of another crate. Paz turns away as Din flips the mattress over. Paz has never been one to get emotional about objects, but he cannot sleep there. He will replace it eventually, but it will do for now. A firm knock at the door makes his shoulders tense. He hadn’t the foresight to tell them to stay away, that their belongings would be left at their door.

Din is at the door before he can respond.

“What?” he asks.

A gloved hand pushes a basket into his arms.

“Take care of alor’ad,” Neten says. “He’s the only one…who can kick our asses the right way, you know?”

“Thanks,” Din says gruffly. “I’ll let him know.”

He shuts the door. Before Din can put the basket down, there is another knock. This time, it is more insistent. Din opens the door again.

“Hey, Reva - what the fuck – “

“Damn it, Djarin,” comes Revala’s voice. “Grab the other end, would you?”

“Let me put this down,” Din says indignantly.

Paz watches as Revala and Terys push a mattress into the room, brand new and still wrapped. He blinks a few times in utter confusion.

“Uhm…where did this come from?” Din asks, as he backs into the room, holding his end steady.

“Eh, Terys just had a spare one laying around,” Revala says briskly. “Thought the old man could use better support for his back.”

“Yeah, we got sick of hearing him bitch about it,” Terys says. “Every other fucking day. My back this, my back that.”

The other man drops a linen bag onto the couch.

“We’ll just help tidy up,” Terys says, going straight to the bedroom.

Paz watches in silence as the two of them swiftly push the old mattress toward the door.

“Don’t want to hear you bitching about your back, okay?” Revala asks, her voice choking up.

Suddenly, Paz realizes that Terys and Revala had been planning on moving in together. That they had bought the mattress for themselves. He did not even suspect they had been in a relationship, much less being at the point of moving in together. Sudden guilt wracks him.

“Yeah,” Paz says. “I won’t. How much – “

“If you even think about trying to pay me back, I will stab you in the kriffing balls,” Terys says flatly.

“You just want any excuse to touch his balls, don’t you?” Revala asks in a saucy tone.

“Oh, fuck off,” Terys snaps.

Paz holds both hands up in surrender. The two of them disappear, bickering between themselves. Paz helps Din set the bed up on the makeshift frame. It hangs over the edges a bit, but it will do until he can replace the frame. Din unpacks the sheets and snorts.

Paz stares at the monstrosity Din has lifted out of the bag. The sheets are a violent shade of pink with fluorescent green stripes. As if the eye-watering combination is not bad enough on its own, whoever had designed the pattern also included lines of tiny black taun-tauns running parallel to the stripes.

“Holy hell,” Din breathes. “That man has no taste.”

Paz hears the grin on Din’s face, and he can’t help himself. From losing two people he once loved all the way to his Tribe rallying behind him to support him through the clusterfuck his life has suddenly become…today has been a bizarre, surreal ride of emotions. He can only laugh. Hard. Din chortles a bit, though he is clearly worried about him.

“I’m keeping them,” Paz announces.

“You’re insane,” Din retorts.

“They’re great,” Paz shoots back as they get the bedding back in place. “They add…uh…character.”

Nothing in the bag matches. One pillowcase is fluorescent orange, while the other is black. The flat sheet looks like someone spilled a child’s watercolor palette onto a dirty tissue. It might have been bleached by accident at some point, but he cannot tell. At least the thick blanket is a relatively normal shade of brown, despite being made of cheap velour-like fabric.

“They certainly add something,” Din says, as they take a step back to survey the horror scene laid out in front of them, “But I’m not sure it can be called character.”

Paz nods, suddenly sober.

“Hey…thanks,” Paz says to Din.

Din responds by grabbing him by the chest plate and headbutting him hard enough to make his teeth rattle in his skull.

“If you need anything, send me a message,” Din says.

Cheekily, he reaches into the basket Neten had brought by. He grabs a beer and a handful of the snacks. Then, with a jaunty salute, Din leaves. After locking the door, Paz goes to the basket and takes out the alcohol. He pops the cap and takes a big swallow. He grimaces. Far too bitter, no flavor. He drinks it anyway.

Turning to the bottle is an unhealthy coping mechanism that has claimed a number of his brethren, but he has no plans to make it a habit. Tonight, he just wants to be numb.

[end flashback]

-

-

-

“My fayshe feels funny,” Paz says to Din, who sighs.

“Doctor Shen, Paz is starting to slur his words,” he calls out through the door.

No one responds.

Paz tilts his head to the doorway as Doctor Shen and Armorer argue in the main room. Well, it really is not an argument. The two of them are just repeating themselves over and over in different ways, trying to tell the other what needs to happen. Armorer says the bucket does not come off due to the Oath. Doctor Shen says that the bucket comes off. The two of them have been going around in circles for a while now, long enough such that the pain medications were starting to lose their edge. It is not until Doctor Shen brings up the fact that traumatic brain injury can render him completely useless to the Tribe that Armorer relents.

“Then we blindfold you,” Armorer says.

“How the fuck do you expect me to treat him with a blindfold on?” Doctor Shen asks in exasperation.

“That is the only way,” Armorer says.

“Can I use the deep tissue scanner?” Doctor Shen asks bluntly. “I technically won’t be looking at his face – just the bones and tissue underneath the skin.”

Armorer falters.

“Can you assure us that you will not know his identity?”

“Yes,” Doctor Shen stresses.

“Very well, do what you must to ensure Paz’s health and preserve his identity,” Armorer says.

“We are going to discuss this oath with the rest of the Tribe, Armorer,” Doctor Shen says flatly. “There must be an exclusion for medical professionals.”

“Doctor Shen – “

“Armorer,” Doctor Shen hisses through her teeth.

“I will leave you to your work, Doctor.”

Paz snickers as Armorer gracefully concedes defeat. It has been such a long time since he has last witnessed Armorer backing down from a fight. Then again, there is an unspoken rule – the chief medical officer outranks even the Alor when it involves someone’s health.

Coming into the room, Doctor Shen wheels the bed over to the deep tissue scanner. She positions the arm of the machine over his head. Then Din takes over, draping a sheet over everything to keep him from being seen. Once it is set to the deep scan mode, he removes his bucket. He grimaces as the bright light stabs straight through his pupils and into the back of his head.

“First of all, how many times have you gotten your nose broken?”

“Lost count,” he remarks.

“Fuck’s sakes. Hunters,” Doctor Shen hisses. “Stay still. You’re going to feel a bit of a tickling sensation in your teeth. I’m trying to set the bone fragments without causing further damage.”

Searing pain jolts down the side of his face. Paz gasps.

“Only a sadist would call that a tickle,” he groans.

“Din, jab this into his neck, right into the jugular.”

“What is it?” Din asks.

“Painkillers,” Doctor Shen says. “Now go do it before I take it back.”

“Aye, Doctor,” Din says. “I’m gonna stab you, okay?”

“How long have you been wanting to do that?” Paz asks.

“Stop moving,” Doctor Shen growls.

Din laughs as he jabs him in the neck. After a few seconds, Paz feels his head swim.

“N-now that…that’s the good shit,” he slurs out. “C-can’t f-feel my face.”

“That particular cocktail contains a bacta infusion as well as anti-inflammatory drugs that are targeted specifically to brain tissue. There’s also a mild muscle relaxer in there for your neck muscles. So, hopefully, that’ll keep you still.”

Paz relaxes, nearly falling asleep as Doctor Shen works to reposition the bone fragments in his face through the equipment. Once his nose is put back together, she gives him another injection to stimulate the bone cells and help support the bacta infusion. She reaches under the blanket, wearing latex gloves.

“Alright, I have to do this part by touch, since I can’t look at your face,” she says. “Stay. Still. I don’t want this falling into your mouth or your eyes.”

With one hand resting on his cheek, Doctor Shen’s other hand disappears. Then it returns with a strip of quick-set stabilizing bandage. She quickly maneuvers it into place. It heats up uncomfortably as it dries.

“That will keep the bridge of your nose in the right shape,” she says. “You can wear the bucket, but please be careful putting it on and taking it off for the next few days.”

“Sure thing, doc,” he says.

Din returns to his side and slides his bucket under the sheets.

“Hey, you cleaned it out,” Paz says. “Thanks, ner vod.”

“Your neck is fine, no damage to any of the nerves, muscles, or vessels,” she says. “But those muscles are going to hurt if you agitate them again before the bacta can do its job. I don’t want you doing anything stupid, Vizla.”

“I won’t do anything stupid,” he insists.

“You’re a hunter,” she retorts sharply.

“Point taken,” Paz says. “Nothing more vigorous than light sparring, then?”

“No sparring at all,” she says. “You can lift weights and jog for the next week. No sparring until I’ve had a chance to check your muscles again.”

“Can I go shooting?”

“Handheld blasters only, nothing heavier than a child,” she says.

“Fine,” he says. “Light shooting.”

“Alright, I’m happy with where you are right now health-wise,” Doctor Shen starts to say.

“Does…does this mean I can leave today?” Paz asks as he carefully puts his bucket back on.

Then he reaches out blindly, trying to remove the sheet from his face. Doctor Shen takes the sheets away, tossing them at Din. The unspoken command is clear to them both. Din goes and puts the sheets into the bin to be washed and sterilized.

“Absolutely not,” Doctor Shen says in an exasperated tone. “You have a concussion, Paz. We take brain injuries seriously around here. Your ass is staying in that bed overnight. In the morning, I’ll decide if you can leave.”

“Doctor Shen, please,” Paz says. “I have something very important that I need to do.”

“No. Your only job right now is to heal.”

“Please? It’s extremely important,” Paz insists.

“What is so important that you want to risk further brain damage?”

“Well…I have a date,” Paz says. “So, surely, you understand – “

Her head shoots up.

“Oh, no,” Doctor Shen says. “You are staying in bed and you are cancelling your plans.”

“But – “

She turns around slowly. Paz swallows as the inky black visor of her helmet tilts down toward him.

“Alright, I’m cancelling my plans,” he says. “No problem at all.”

“Good,” she says, pacing closer to his bed, looming over him. “I would hate to have to pull rank on you.”

Paz grimaces to himself under the bucket. The last thing he wants to do is piss off Doctor Shen. He knows she will make him stay another night if he mouths off. So, wisely, he stays where he is, hoping to be put out of his misery soon.

Din sends a message, informing him that he will be getting him some clean clothes. Paz sighs and closes his eyes. Doctor Shen allowed him to wipe some of the blood off with wipes, but everything from the chin down is saturated in blood. Once she can confirm the bacta is working and that the pain medications have not caused any adverse reactions, she will let him have a proper shower.

-

-

-

When you see Din come out of medical, you approach.

“How is he?” you ask, trying to keep the worry from your voice.

“Concussed,” Din sighs. “Idiot broke his nose, but he’ll be fine once the bacta kicks in.”

You nod. A broken nose and concussion aren’t too bad.

“Does he need anything?” you ask.

“Nah, he’ll be – “

Din suddenly stops talking as he tilts his head. Then slowly, he turns his head to look at you. You wait, hoping there’s something you can do.

“You know what, I think he might need a clean set of clothes,” Din says, in an odd tone. “But I need to take care of some stuff. Can you grab him something to change into?”

You jump at the chance to help Paz.

“Absolutely,” you say. “Did Doctor Shen specify visiting hours, or - ?”

“He’s going to have a checkup in two hours,” Din says. “Take stuff to him then. He’ll appreciate whatever you bring him.”

“Okay,” you say. “I can handle that.”

Din nods. A few minutes later, a message from Din pops up in your HUD, containing Paz’s door code. Immediately, you return to your room and grab one of your larger storage bags. Chewing on your lower lip, you consider what he might need for an overnight stay in medical. Pajamas, clean clothes for tomorrow, and toiletries. A small smile crosses your face – he will need his snacks, too. Warmth spreads across your cheeks as you stride down the hallway toward the officer’s quarters.

Paz always enjoys eating whatever you cook, even when it means he sneaks something off behind your back. You have long since started making extra so he can have some as well. He is also considerate and polite, a far cry from some of the coarser company available in the Tribe. You decide that you will be as considerate with him as he is with you.

Once at his door, you type in the code and let yourself in. His room is huge, you think enviously to yourself, as you look around. He also seems to have half the armory stacked on tables and in bins around his room. Along wall, he has a large table with neatly organized tools and a few partially assembled blasters.

Turning toward the bedroom, you hesitate. This is his bedroom, his personal space. You almost feel like you are trespassing here. Taking a deep breath, you shake your head, and move forward. Din gave you his code. If he didn’t trust you, he would not have given you access to Paz’s private space. You step in and head toward the shelves opposite the end of the bed. There, you find his clothes. Tonight, he will need pajamas, so you grab one of the soft-looking flannel sets. For tomorrow, you grab a suit, a set of padding, and a cowl in matching dark grey.

In one of the boxes on the lower shelves, you find compression shirts, shorts, and socks. Those are also added to the bag. Finally, you find his shower caddy and grab it as well. Once you are finished there, you leave the bedroom, and come into the living space. Stopping by the couch, you pick up the book on the table and add it to your bag. From there, you make your way through the karyai and into the kitchen.

He will need something edible to keep his strength up. You’ve had hospital rations before and they are unpleasant, to say the least. No flavor, no spice, and certainly no heat. Doctor Shen says that the rations are bland to ensure the patient can rest and heal, but you think she secretly enjoys the torture.

In the bottom of one of the bins, you find your cake supplies. You check the time. One hour and fifty-two minutes before you can see him and drop off supplies. Plenty of time to make him a small cake and get him some snacks. Exactly two hours and a minor burn later, you finish your gift to Paz. One small tray of uj’ayali cake, made with your dwindling stock of spices, syrup, and wine. You wrap the entire thing in parchment paper and include a fork.

Then you go to the stasis unit in the corner and steal some of the cheeses, crackers, and a small container of pickles. There, something to tide him over. In one of the bins, you find some apples. You take two for him so Doctor Shen cannot complain about him eating too much cake.

You would not do this for anyone else. You love your Tribe, but Paz is special to you. Nervously, you stop that train of thought before it can even depart the station. Paz is your friend first and foremost.

Glancing around, you take in your mess. It is extensive. Well, that all can wait until later. Paz needs you more than anything needs to be cleaned up. You turn the lights off and make your way to medical, hefting the bag onto your shoulder. You wait patiently inside the main room, listening as Doctor Shen scolds Paz for something or another. When Doctor Shen steps outside of the private room, she does a blatant double-take.

“What can I do for you?” she asks.

“I’d like to see Paz,” you say. “Is it okay if I go in?”

Doctor Shen pokes her head into the private room.

“You okay with seeing more visitors, buckethead?”

“Depends,” comes Paz’s voice. “Who is it?”

“Shu’shika,” Doctor Shen says.

“Sure,” Paz says. “Send her in.”

You step in, noting that Doctor Shen is watching you, her head cocked to one side. As soon as you come into the room, she follows you to the doorway, carrying a tray of equipment. Paz is resting on the bed, his legs crossed at the ankle, and his boots on the floor.

“Hey,” you say, echoing his words from earlier.

“Hey,” he repeats. “So, uh, what brings you here? What is all this, anyway?”

“Din said he has some really important stuff to work on, so I volunteered to get you some supplies,” you say to him. Digging into the bag, you grab his book and hand it to him. “Din sent the code for your door, by the way, I didn’t like break in or anything.”

Paz’s head jerks up at your words.

“Din…sent you the code?”

“Yes,” you say. “He was in such a rush to go finish his work. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” he says, in an odd sort of tone. “I am so glad I cleaned up last night.”

You laugh as you hang the bag onto one of the wall hooks.

“I also came to see if you’re okay,” you say quietly, “And to see if you’d like some company?”

He nods in response.

“You want to stay and keep this cranky idiot company?” Doctor Shen asks, as she goes to the deep tissue scanner in the corner.

Paz growls as you sit down next to him.

“Well, of course,” you say. “Why wouldn’t I come see Paz?”

“I don’t mind,” Paz says. His voice takes a mischievous tone. “You did say you didn’t want to speak to Lyras. So now you don’t have to talk to him.”

You laugh, relief filling you. Then you clear your throat a bit.

“I…I also wanted to give you this,” you say, holding the tray to him.

He takes the tray from you, still slightly warm from the oven. He unwraps it and stares down at your offering to him.

“Uhm…my buir always said to eat plenty of uj’ayali if I was injured,” you say.

Inexplicably, you feel yourself blushing cherry-red, the heat filling you all the way down to your bellybutton.

“Where the hell did you find uj’ayali?” Doctor Shen asks.

“I-I made it,” you stammer out.

Oh, gods above, why did I even come here?

“You made this for me?” Paz repeats, his tone so gentle that your breath catches in your throat.

You nod earnestly at Paz. Thankfully, he does not seem too weirded out by your forwardness. In fact, he might even sound a bit happy at it.

“You made… You made - ?” Doctor Shen asks.

You can feel her incredulous stare through her bucket.

“I have some of that wine that you like,” you admit softly. “I kept a few bottles…for a special occasion.”

“Thank you,” he says, his voice sounding almost awed. “I really appreciate it, Shu’shika.”

“I’ll go finish something else,” Doctor Shen says, backing toward the door. “Uh…somewhere else.”

She shuts the door, leaving the two of you alone. As much as you appreciate the doctor, you are grateful that she has work to do. You have not had a lot of time with Paz in the past few weeks, so you would like to make the most of your visit with him today.

“Would you like to try some?” you ask. “I can wheel the privacy curtain over, if you’d like. We can…we can hang out. Since we can’t go shooting.”

Hopefully, he will not think that you are being clingy.

“Yeah,” he says, “I’d like that.”

You beam at him. You have no idea why Doctor Shen would say he is cranky.

-

-

-

Doctor Shen finishes putting her equipment into the autoclave just as Din carefully peers into the room, edging in as if expecting to be attacked. She looks up at him. He has to know about you and Paz. She goes to him.

“Did you know about Paz and Shu’shika?” she asks him in a low tone.

“Yes,” he says. “Are they - ?”

“Yeah,” Doctor Shen responds. “I’ll let her stay until I close down for the evening.”

Din nods just as they hear what seems to be a minor explosion down the hallway. Doctor Shen almost purses her lips as she hears Garan’s familiar bellowing. There is nothing new about this situation – some idiot hunter has rightfully earned their tongue-lashing from Garan. He takes nothing from anyone, especially not hunters.

“What’s all the noise down the hallway for?”

“I don’t know,” Din says. “Maybe someone left the water on again?”

They listen for a few moments, the occasional shout drifting back to them. She turns back to Din.

“Is Paz serious?” she asks.

Doctor Shen knows you well – after all, she has been caring for you for years now. Even as a child, you tagged along after her, pestering her endlessly with your questions and tendency to injure yourself. She was there when you put your bucket on at thirteen. She watched you grow up to become a skilled, competent, and hard-working member of the tribe. It is everything that she could have wanted for you.

“Dead serious,” Din responds. “He’s been thinking about this for a while. He went to Armorer two nights ago to talk to her about courtship.”

Doctor Shen feels relief fill her stomach. If there is a hunter she trusts, it is Paz. He is a good man and will not take advantage of you. Doctor Shen knows that you are an adult, but she still sometimes sees the little girl you used to be, complete with a busted lip and two scabby knees.

“Good,” Doctor Shen says to him. “Shu’shika might be a walking disaster, but she is our most precious disaster.”

Someone taking an interest in you was bound to happen eventually. She cannot help but to be overjoyed that it is a hunter of Paz’s caliber. Before Din can respond, they hear Garan shout your name.

“Where is she?” Garan roars. “If she’s not already dying, I’m going to kill her – “

Din grabs the surly mechanic by the chest plate and shoves him back out into the hallway.

“She’s busy,” Din says in his most menacing tone. “You will leave her alone.”

Undeterred, Garan shoves him back. This time, Din slams him up against the wall, pinning him in place with one arm against his chest plate and one finger pointed at his visor.

“I. Do. Not. Care,” Din hisses.

“This is the third time her carelessness has gotten something caught on fire,” Garan growls. “That little shit – “

“That little shit is busy,” Doctor Shen says from the doorway, her voice like ice. “Go back to the kitchen and take care of the mess. I’ll send her by later.”

Garan snarls but eventually concedes. Din grabs him by the shoulder and forcefully marches him away from medical. Doctor Shen goes to listen at the door. She hears only your combined laughter. Nodding to herself, she goes back to working on cleaning the equipment.

-

-

-

Din makes sure to keep Garan going forward to avoid letting him interfere. It is rare that you and Paz can spend more than a few minutes alone, so he wants to ensure that the two of you have as long as possible to talk and get to know each other a little better.

“Why the fuck are you even involved?” Garan asks moodily.

“It’s none of your fucking business,” Din says. “Workshop, I assume?”

“Yes.”

He escorts Garan to the workshop, where they pick up the parts they will need to replace the melted circuitry and charred air vent. Din carries the bag without protest, even as Garan complains with every single step. In the karyai, they find Dezha and Armorer at the kitchen window, watching as Terys finishes putting the flames out. Jalyn is by the backmost kitchen vent, trying to waft the smell of burnt wine and sugar out with a tea cloth. Din knows better – Jalyn is just here to snoop like the shameless little gossipmonger he is. Regardless, Din shoves Garan into the kitchen and bodily blocks the doorway.

“What is the problem?” Armorer asks, looking between the two of them.

“Just making sure Garan fixes everything in time for dinner,” Din says.

“Apparently, poor wittle Shu’shika is so busy I can’t yell at her for her carelessness,” Garan snaps moodily in his direction as he starts unpacking the components onto the counter.

“Yes. She is busy,” Din confirms.

Terys puts the fire extinguisher into the cabinet. Then he looks across the counter. Din can see the wheels turning. A few seconds later, Terys looks up sharply, having come to the logical conclusion.

“Did she make her special uj with wine syrup?” Terys asks slowly.

“She didn’t clean up after herself,” Garan interrupts as he shoves a pile of dirty dishes over. “And she didn’t even leave any for us. Brat.”

“Yes,” Din confirms. “Just for him.”

Garan continues grumbling as Armorer and Dezha look at each other. They come to the same conclusion.

“I will help you tidy up,” Dezha cuts in smoothly. “We can overlook this minor mistake.”

“Again?” Garan asks, turning to Dezha. “This is the third time, Alor. This has got to stop. We can’t afford to keep replacing everything her kriffing hands touch.”

“I am aware of that,” Dezha says. “But we will overlook it this time. I’ll talk to her when she is finished.”

Din leads the cleanup effort by picking up the charred pot. He tosses it straight into the trash bin. He will have to buy a new pot before Hannah discovers one is missing. Din pauses. Then again…Hannah will overlook any mistake as long as she knows that Paz is trying to court you. Din wonders if he can enlist their cook’s help in ensuring the process is as smooth and painless as possible for the rest of the Tribe.

Armorer starts sweeping the powder from the fire extinguisher into a neat pile on the floor, while Dezha works on wiping the counters down. Jalyn just keeps fanning the acrid air toward the vent. Judging by the wide grin on his face, he seems to have caught on already, though Din cannot fathom why he is still here. At long last, Garan seems to realize that something isn’t quite right. In the middle of replacing the filter, he pauses, and looks around, slowly taking stock of his present company. Everyone is quickly working to put the kitchen back in order in time for dinner.

“Why are you all here?” Garan asks slowly.

“Good question,” Hannah says, as she puts her apron on. “Why the hell are you crowding into my kitchen, anyway? And why do I smell smoke?”

“It was a minor incident,” Armorer says, cutting Garan off. “We are rectifying the problem.”

“Minor?” Hannah asks, picking up the charred remains of her pot out of the trash. “Did Shu’shika set another pot on fire? Gods above, someone needs to have a serious talk with that girl.”

“That’s what I tried to do earlier,” Garan says, “But nooo, Din said she was too busy to get a proper tongue-lashing for her kriffing carelessness.”

Din looks at Hannah.

“Shu’shika is looking after Paz,” he says diplomatically.

Hannah blinks, turning to look at him.

“Shu’shika…and Paz?” she asks.

When Armorer nods, Garan drops his wrench onto the counter. It goes clattering onto the floor. Garan wordlessly stares at each of them in turn. The only sounds that can be heard are Jalyn’s snickers and the sound of the tea cloth he is flapping at the vent.

“You’re shitting me,” Garan says as he shakes his. “Oh, no. No, that is not happening. I absolutely forbid it.”

“And what authority would you have to interfere?” Armorer challenges immediately, coming forward a step, her hand falling to the hammer tucked into her belt.

Din cracks his knuckles threateningly, though he is certain that his muscle will not be needed here. Armorer is lethal with her hammer. Garan sinks down to a seated position on the counter and rests his face plate in his hands.

“We are not going to survive this,” Garan says in a defeated tone.

“That is an unfair over-exaggeration,” Armorer scolds. “They are good together, Garan.”

“Do we know when he intends to propose? He won’t make us – her wait too long, will he?” Hannah asks nonchalantly, as she starts sorting through the ingredients for dinner.

No one is fooled by her tone. Everyone knows where her mind is – the bonfire feast. Hell, Din has found himself thinking about what he will bring back to celebrate their marriage. He has already purchased a scope for Paz and set aside a small piece of bes’kar for you. Now, he needs to figure out what food he is bringing, but that can wait until later. He doesn’t expect the two of you to marry for at least six months, if not more.

“Paz managed to give himself a concussion before they could go on their first date,” Din says. “It isn’t happening for a few months at least.”

Hannah and Armorer both seem to sulk at his words.

“You know, it might not be so bad,” Terys says. “He’s a bit older, you know. He will look after her. Maybe get her trained up so she can actually start participating in hunts on the regular?”

“We can only hope,” Garan sighs dejectedly. “We can only hope.”

Jalyn puts the cloth down and picks up his cane. Carefully, he picks his way back to them. Din wonders what the little shit-stirrer is going to do next.

“Oooorr,” Jalyn says, somehow splitting a single-syllable word into three. “Imagine what it’s going to be like once he finally knocks her up. Can you imagine them having a few Vizla brats with his temperament and her propensity for accidental arson?”

Silence fills the kitchen. Garan lets out a low noise of distress. Armorer and Dezha exchange a look. Din thinks that any child that you and Paz name as your own will be perfect the way they are, even if they end up being prone to damaging their surroundings. Hell, under the right conditions, that could be a benefit in combat.

“Regardless of their unique personality traits,” Armorer says. “Anyone who interferes will be made to regret their actions most severely. Be sure to pass that along with your gossip, Jalyn.”

“Please, everyone here wants more children to look after,” Jalyn says dismissively. “If there was a way to get them married tonight, we would do it.”

Garan picks up the bottle of wine and checks it. There is a quarter of it left. Garan shrugs to himself and lifts the front of his bucket. He chugs the wine down straight from the bottle. He wipes his mouth with the back of his gloved hand and lets out a rude belch.

“May the gods take mercy on us,” he says.

-

-

-

demagolka - someone who commits atrocities. Paz chooses this word because they risked hurting a child just so they could carry on an affair.

[imnotwolverine]

A Devil’s Duet - Part 4

August Walker x OC Anna

Author’s note: Okay, let me just have a little party! I never thought this day would come, but: I finished a multi chapter story in 4 chapters and stayed below 6.5k words. HALLELUJAH! *gives herself a shoulder pat* I hope you enjoyed it dear readers ❤️

Word count: 2.080

Warnings: graphic scenes, strong language, severe injury through burns, death

< Part 3 | This is Part 4

.FIRE 

“My lungs drowned and as I clawed and cried, the flame in me danced a devil’s duet.”

--

.FIRE - The dance with the devil

The helicopter danced in sync with August’s groans as Anna plucked at his neck, trying to get the tracker out. 

‘See those pretty rocks below, wife? Yes? Well you better put those pretty fingers to good use.’ He snarled atop the click of the loud blades. 

For a moment Anna contemplated screwing with him, in the literal or figurative sense of those words, but having gone rogue herself now complicated things ever so slightly - she did not want to be found either. And so with those same pretty fingers, she managed to at least kill the signal for the time being, the helicopter’s dance finally ending in a dark grove where they’d stay for the night, hidden away from the world yet again. 

An abandoned small cabin made for shelter, August and Anna taking first watch as the pilot crashed with exhaustion in the small box bed in the far corner, a quick curtain drawn between them. 

Candles were lit in the hearth to get a sense of light in the pitch black hut and then they just stared. Waiting for minutes to pass. 

‘You could’ve just killed me.’ Anna whispered, staring at the flickering flames. 

‘I should have.’ 

‘You could kill me now.’ They shared a look but August just shook his stone-faced head “no”, making Anna’s head quirk in delight, her lithe figure pushing off the bench as she moved to the small open space next to their bench. August trained his eyes back on the candles, expecting her to go relief herself or something. But curiosity got the better of him when he noticed her slithering, smooth movements, gracious like a swan as she ..danced. 

‘Stop that.’ 

But all she did was turn away from him, shaking her head “no” in response, the curve of her back mostly hidden beneath a grey jumper-jacket, though it still triggered it. Memories. Smooth red fabric beneath his finger tips. ‘You can touch me, you know.’ Her voice. Deep and sultry. ‘I only take what is given to me.’ He had answered, making her chuckle as she looked over her shoulder. ‘Then take this.’ And suddenly the red fabric turned sticky with dark blood, her empty cries echoing off the tiles of that stupid fucking diner. 

He had made a mistake. 

Anna turned around, watching the stray tear that was slowly cascading down August’s solemn face. Her breath hitched in surprise, but August refused to acknowledge it, unfazed as ever, his voice soft but icy: ‘I read your files.’ 

Anna licked her cold, parched lips. ‘We’re both sore losers, hmm?’

He nodded, looking back into the flames as the tear dropped from his chiseled cheek. ‘Why a dancer though?’ 

Anna smiled, enjoying the minor crack in the devil’s mask as she settled back down besides him. ‘Some things you should not want to kill.’ She shrugged. ‘Dancing is the only thing of the real me that’s still left.’ 

--

.FIRE - The beauty of it all

‘Stop that.’ 

‘C-c-can’t.’ Anna shivered from her dead cold corner of the small bed, her skin pressed against the thin wood that separated winter from warmth. 

Sighing, the log of a man turned, pushing his hot presence into her back. ‘I don’t want freezing dead bodies in my bed.’ He whispered, inserting a warm hand beneath her much-too-thin jacket, the burning sensation making her melt into him despite her initial defiance. 

She simply didn’t want this to be her end. Not now, not yet. 

And he, for one, also seemed to burn with life, his presence poking hard and heavy into her backside. She pushed back, making him melt into her more, rough whiskers brushing over her icy cheek, a slow hot breath washing over her skin as her frozen fingers moved to his pants, tugging restlessly at the band. 

‘Aii.’ He hissed at the touch of her icicles on his skin, his hand replacing hers as he ripped their clothes aside to manage their hasty bed-bunk union. 

The night hushed around them as tempered breaths escaped their dry lips, the shared quiet maintained until his hips jerked, making her want to push him off. 

‘No, please, not..’ 

He came, forcing his way into her snugness until she got her fill. 

‘..inside.’ She groaned in silent frustration. 

August brushed his hand back over her abdomen. ‘Don’t worry. The beauty of it all is that it won’t matter.’ 

‘Well you’re not the one getting pregn..-’

‘Sshh.’ He laid his nose in the back of her neck, pulling her even closer, her usual defiance tired out after hours of shivering. By tomorrow they’d all be dead. It wouldn’t matter. None of this would matter. None of this.. 

A sniffle disturbed his hunger for destruction, the hands of his ballerina-murder-wife tugging his arm closer, a first proper hug shared. 

‘Sssh.’ He hushed, thinking of how he should not make that same devilish mistake..again. 

--

.FIRE - The spark

The signal was back and the chase was on, the woods left abandoned as they continued a hurried journey to the meeting spot, more Apostles standing at the ready to start the last day of life as we knew it. 

Anna had expected to find death somewhere in the past few hours, but she was surprised to find herself in that same helicopter again, August’s cold eyes focused on the clouds that licked around the metal hull. 

What she couldn’t see in that moment, was the turmoil in his ocean gaze. The fire that flickered nervously as it was nearly time to end it all. She couldn’t see the bitter draw of his lips as he felt a sudden reminiscence of times long gone. 

You see, August had once been no devil, but flesh and blood. 

--

.FIRE - The time of spring

���Look mama, mama, mama.’ 

Tiny feet ran off into the flock of white danger, large wings starting to flap in warning - a warning the little boy didn’t see until he was beaten and down on the ground, fat tears burning in his blue eyes as the massive beast hissed menacingly, the mother and children slipping quickly back into the water that they called their home. 

Little August could have cried then. But he didn’t. Instead he watched in awe as these majestic white beasts stretched their mighty wings, showcasing strength in beauty, as well as family and peace, a thing that seemed hard to obtain in a world that knew only beatings, cigarette butts on skin and loud, loud cries that sang with the breaking of plates in nightly kitchens.

If it’d cost him a broken arm to feel peace, he’d do it again and again. 

--

.FIRE - I’ll rekindle the fire

Anna didn’t know when she had finally found enough peace to sleep, but apparently it had been at the wrong moment. They were back in the air, but August was gone. As was the Kashmir encampment they had been flying out to early this morning.  

Fury licked at Anna’s bones as she realised he had done worse than killing her: he had cast her aside, maybe even tried to save her. 

Oh, you’re an idiot, Walker. 

Unbuckling her belt and reeling her anger at the single soul left in this flying hull, she realised too late that this had been bad thinking on her part. The body of the pilot went limp in her fingers and the machine’s blades whirred nervously as they started to sink down through the thick clouds. 

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. OH YOU DUMB BITCH. 

Climbing over the seat and pushing the body aside, she eyed the buttons and levers, hands starting to pull a main lever to keep the aircraft away from the bitter cold earth. The machine protested and roared, barely agreeing with her handling until they nearly hit rock, a stone plateau appearing before her, along with unlikely faces in an even more unlikely setting. 

Hunt out cold on top, August on a ledge a few meters lower, the carcass of a fallen helicopter dangling dangerously by the help of one red hook above him. 

She should’ve flown away then. She was free now, right? But as the helicopter rocked beneath the taps of her fingertips, she got closer instead of further, the blades cutting the air that August breathed as he blinked up, his blue eyes unseeing as fire licked at his melting skin.

--

.FIRE - The do-over 

No fire here. He reached his fingertips out, expecting to find rock. But instead it was softness and warmth, the pain of the assault but a vague memory as he cracked open dry eyes. 

‘Wh..-’ His body slumped back into a pillow as it refused to move, his limbs heavy as lead. With mild frustration he watched as the world slowly unfolded around his sleep-hazed eyes; a room. A modern room, a wall of floor-to-ceiling glass offering a magnificent view over a winter white lake, which was so very different from the warm hearth burning at the opposite wall. 

A feather soft footfall walked by in what must be the hallway. Someone was there. 

Was he a prisoner? 

Grumbling to himself he found himself parched, his throat probably seared by the flames that had nearly consumed him. He couldn’t even ask for help, if he wanted to. 

‘Hey..’ A questioning voice peaked around the corner, fiery red hair and blue eyes making him feel like he was dreaming still. 

‘..you’re up early.’ She plopped down on the edge of the bed. ‘You’ve only been out for ..’ She checked her tactical watch. ‘..72 hours. Want some water?’ Without further ado she got up again, August’s hand shaking awkwardly at the simple task of holding the plastic water bottle she had offered. 

‘I was thinking about catching us something today. What do you prefer: roe or fish?’ 

August drank greedily, icy eyes watching as she bent over, stretching out before her aforementioned hunt. It was like the thirst that ached within him couldn’t be tempered, the bottle finished before she got up again, her eyebrow quirking up at his eagerness. 

‘Hmm.’ She smiled. ‘You’re one greedy devil, haha. You didn’t miss much by the way. It all ended with a fizzle.’ 

She shrugged and August blinked. 

‘Oh. And..you’re not dreaming. It’s me, remember?’ She stalked over to him and brushed some hair away from his burned face, bandages wrapped over what once had been angelic looking skin. 

That August was gone. 

August blinked again, his lips unwilling to move, his mind sticky with heavy fog. It felt like steam had risen in his bones too quickly. Like his tongue was made of boiled leather. 

‘Very well. Let’s do this again.’ She offered him her hand, his slow eyes looking down at the pale digits that hovered before him. ‘Nice to meet you. An--’ 

‘Angel.’ He finally croaked, the steam escaping from his mind as it all came back to him. Whirring rotor blades, screams, Anna dragging him over jagged rock. Pain. So much pain. And then coolness. Water. Sweet, soothing, nothingness. 

‘Naa..not any more.’ She chuckled, fetching him a new bottle of water. ‘Here. You’ll need it.’ 

--

.FIRE - I’ll dance in hell

'When I grow up I’m going to be a swan.’ Little August nodded decidedly as the doctor checked the newly set cast on the boy’s arm. 

‘Are you now?’ 

‘Yea. And I’m going to fly..and dance! And swim!’ 

‘Oh, don’t mind him. He’s a silly boy.. I doubt young boys can even BE swans, August-dear.’ His mom pulled him from the bench, making him stumble as he looked back over his shoulder at the doctor who had already turned back to his computer, his simple dream shattered before his feet reached the door. 

--

.FIRE - The swan lake 

August placed his fingers on the cold glass, the icy lake before him starting to defrost as spring was near. In the kitchen, eggs were sizzling and a soft tune rolled through muted speakers. Classical music. Worthy of the beasts that caught his eye now, their large white wings curling to stop the wind beneath them as they graciously sank into the first bit of melted water. 

Spring was here. And it was time for a new beginning, a new dance..and this time a duet perhaps. Who knows. 

--

“Then in the fire I learned, that all I craved, was water.” 

--

General Tagsquad: @harrysthiccthighss @tumblnewby @magdelen69 @thereisa8ella @mary-ann84 @darkbooksarwin @summersong69 @madbaddic7ed @luclittlepond @maroonmolly @tillthelandslide​ @just-a-normal-fangirl18​ @hell1129-blog

[catracorner962]

Cherished After All

Cleaning up Shadow Weaver's belongings, Adora and Catra make a shocking discovery about Catra's past. A past she never knew.

Or: My take on how Catra ended up in the Horde.

It was bitter, exhausting work. Cleaning out Shadow Weaver’s belongings from the palace. Glimmer had repeatedly offered to have someone do it for them but Adora and Catra were determined to sort through the stuff themselves. It would be fine. There weren’t many items anyway and according to Perfuma it might help bring some catharsis and closure. Catra wasn’t too sure about that, but Adora agreed it would be better for them to do it and so, she conceited.

“She really didn’t have much stuff,” Adora mused, crouched in Shadow Weaver’s old room, over a single chest. Most of the items were innocuous. Several changes of robes, a handful of coins.

“Psh yeah,” Catra scoffed from where she stood, looking out the window at the gardens. “The only thing that old hag ever cared about was the Black Garnet and the last piece of that was in her mask. Which got blown up with the rest of her.” The magicat’s tail twitched at the thought, her lips curling into a resentful smile. Still….a bit of sadness lingered. A sadness Catra knew Adora harborded too. She hated it. Hated herself for feeling anything other than satisfaction at the demise of the only mother figure either of them had ever known.

She hurt you….hurt Adora. Why do you cry for her?

Even Perfuma couldn’t answer that.

Back by the trunk, Adora rummaged through belongings, throwing the robes around without much care. A book, bound in leather with First One’s writing on it.

“It’s a spell book,’ she murmured aloud. Fingers gracing the pages. “Who knows what’s in here?!”

“Adora…” Catra warned, dragging herself back to the task at hand.

“Alright, alright, I’ll give it to Glimmer,” Adora set the book down. “Maybe she and Micah can use it.” She turned back to the trunk, hand fumbling against the flat bottom of the wood.

“What’s this?” Adora curled her fingers around a small metal item.

“It looks like one of Entrapta’s recorders,” Catra peered over her shoulder. “But slightly bigger. There’s a button on it,” she pointed. The two of them exchanged the all too familiar “let’s-do-it,” look. Adora pressed her thumb into the single red button on top. A faded red light blinked, projecting a fuzzy hologram before them. Adora squinted, trying to make out the images. Only static sounded through the small speakers.

Two people...a tail? No...two tails...and? Are those…?

Adora’s eyes flitted from the static images of the hologram to Catra. Her own tail was swiping back and forth intrigued. Her ears perked forward.

No...it couldn’t be... No one knew anything about Catra’s species. She herself never expressed any curiosity in knowing...only bitter resentment at her more feline characteristics, thanks to Shadow Weaver.

“H..hello?”

Adora’s attention drew back to the two figures, one of whom spoke in a male voice.

“Is...is it working?”

The second figure, also male, asked.

The image fuzzed and spluttered, in and out.

“If...if you’re seeing this...it...it means you’ve found her.”

Adora leaned closer, the hologram slowly becoming more clear. Two male figures...two male figures with ears and tails like Catra. The one speaking...he was crying. His clothes in tatters. The second one looked no better, but he held something to his chest. A bundle.

“There’s no chance for her here,” the first one spoke in breathy gasps. “If..If she stays with us...she’ll…” The second magicat, the one holding the bundle reached out and gripped the other’s arm tightly. He too, was in tears. 

“Please…,” he begged. “We can’t feed her...we can’t take care of her.. Horde Prime..he...he destroyed everything.” The magicat held whatever it was to his chest with a desperation that made Adora’s heart ache. Realization slowly dawning on her. Catra betrayed no such epiphany. Her face...showed nothing. Stone cold.

“We haven’t even named her,” the first one glanced down at the bundle, smiling through her hurried breaths. He reached out, placing one clawed hand atop of it and stroked it gently.

“Kitten,” he whispered. The second man held the baby close to him, looking directly at Adora.

“Please, have mercy on her. Give her food and a bed...that’s more than we have. And when...when she’s old enough please show her this...so...so..” he heaved for air. “So she knows we loved her.”

Adora’s own eyes sparked with tears, looking helplessly at the two desperate magicats and the thing in their arms.

“Kitten, if you ever see this,” the first one began, nearly choking on his words. 

“Know that we love you. We love you so much; with all our hearts… that is why we can’t keep you. With the Horde...you...you have a chance….for some sort of life. That’s all we have to give you.”

The second magicat, the one holding the kitten, buried his face into the bundle for a moment, lifting his head eventually. Adora nearly gasped, his eyes...blotchy with tears..they were two different colors. One gold, one blue.

“We love you. We are so proud of you….we…”

The recording fizzed and went blurry. Shorting out.

“No!” Adora panicked, pressing the button fervently. “No, no, no! There’s gotta be more! There has to be…”

The hologram re-appeared. Only this time the two magicats had set the bundle down inside a small box. They each kissed it lovingly. Checking and rechecking the blanket it was swaddled in. The hologram broke out again, then came back. Only this time a baby’s face, thin with signs of unger but serene in blissful sleep, sucked at the end of her stubby tail.

A runt, Adora recalled Shadow Weaver’s exact words.

The image of Catra as an infant lingered for a moment, then the hologram cut out for good.

Adora braced herself, turning to Catra slowly. Eyes wide in shock, she starred forward as though the hologram was still playing.

“Catra….?”

“I…” she whispered. “I...ha...had parents,” she stated monotone. “They didn’t abandon me….th..they loved me.”

“Oh Catra, of course they loved you.” Adora wiped her eyes with the back for her sleeve. One hand reaching out to take her girlfriend’s.

“Shadow Weaver,” Catra’s tone shifted instantly to hatred. “She knew...she knew all this time.” She began to tremble, fists curled.

“Come here,” Adora offered, standing and wrapping her arms around Catra. She remained stiff but didn’t push away. Adora held her tightly, one hand rubbing her back carefully, the other stroking through her short hair. She could feel Catra’s heart racing and her body shaking.

“She knew…” Catra whispered, broken. Tears coming to those heterochromatic eyes...just like her father. “That bitch!” Adora patted her back more incessantly as Catra tightened her grip on Adora’s shoulders, her claws retracted thankfully...but her grip was tight, clinging.

“She knew this whole time and she never told me! She said she found me in a box, abandoned and left half-dead at the edge of the Fright Zone.” Catra was fully crying now, burying her face into Adora’s neck.

“Shhh….they loved you Catra...they loved you so much and so do I.”

Catra sniffed, sinking into Adora’s chest.

“The day Shadow Weaver found you in that box,” Adora sniffled through her own crying, “was the happiest day of my life.”

She rubbed small circles around Catra’s shoulder blades, holding her as they sunk to the floor together. “I didn’t know it at the time but it was.”  She could feel Catra nod against her but didn’t say anything more.

“I should’ve known…” Catra whispered, “should’ve trusted that hag….I could’ve found them Adora! I could’ve saved them!” She adjusted her hold on Adora, slumping from a hug farther into Adora until she curled all the way in her lap. Adora held her, tenderly cradling her there the way she should’ve always been comforted. The way both of them should’ve always been comforted as children.

“You already did save them Catra. Look at you! You grew up, you became the Leader of the Horde! You saved all of Etheria! Think of how many parents get to live with their kids now because of what you did!”

Catra withdrew from her chest, face gaunt with grief but somehow still resembled that little peaceful face sleeping in her swaddling.

Adora reached a hand up to Catra’s cheek, caressing her there.

“They would be so proud of you.”

Catra smirked,

“What?”

“Those were Shadow Weaver’s last words to me,” she whispered, the hatred gone from her tone. Her voice now breathy and exhausted. “I’m so proud of you Catra. It was probably a lie.”  Adora looked down at the magicat, her fingers gingerly stroking her velvet ears. She bent down, leaning over her until her lips graced against Catra’s ear.

“ I’m proud of you Catra. Your parents...wherever they are. They would be proud of you too, and they loved you.”

She didn’t know what else to say truly. What could she say? It was true. Catra had not been abandoned. Catra only curled around Adora more, burying her face into her stomach. She took the hologram device with twitching hands, holding it against her chest.

“Adora? Catra? George and Lance are here! Come say hello!”

Adora instantly tightened her grip on Catra, pulling her closer instinctively to protect her in this vulnerable moment.

“W...we’ll be right there!”

Too late, shimmer pink sparkles appeared before them. Catra shot up, hissing. Pocketing the hologram device. Glimmer materialized instantly.

“George and Lance! They’ve come to help us clean things up and…” the words died on her face as her eyes shifted between the two.

“Did...did I...interrupt something?” Glimmer asked hesitantly. She gave Adora a silent look, trying to ask what was going on without Catra noticing.

“Yes, Sparkles,” Catra grumbled, composing herself with practiced skill Adora had watched her perfect in the Horde.

“S...sorry I d..didn’t,”

“It’s fine,” Catra pushed past the princess towards the main corridor of the castle. Adora offered Glimmer an apologetic smile, fighting the urge to explain what had happened.

It’s not your place to say. It’s Catra’s.

“Catra! Hello!”

Adora watched as Catra managed a wave. Bow’s fathers threw their arms around her, hugging her tight. The magicat stiffened at first, waiting for them to withdraw their hold. They did, after a moment. Lance looked at her, brows furrowing with concern.

“Catra, honey? What’s wrong?”

Adora and Glimmer approached as Catra tried to fumble for an explanation. The two men enveloping her in a hug once more. Between the men’s loving embraces Adora watched Catra close her eyes, sniffing to suppress her tears. Her own heart inflated with bittersweet emotion watching Catra slowly return their gesture, her arms going around them.

“It’s just...good to see you,” Catra remarked, straightening herself. She offered a small smile.

---

Entrapta fixed the hologram device some days later. Adora brought it to her asking her to transfer the files from the old device to a new one. Despite Entrapta’s eager questioning, Adora did not tell her what the hologram actually contained. She eventually relented, transferring the data in a blink of an eye.

“Here you go. Just let me know how it turned out so I can jot it down for my notes!”

Adora agreed, thanking her and going off to find Catra.

Catra accepted it with a sad smile, playing the first few moments before switching it off.

“If you’re seeing this...it’s because you found her,”

Adora blinked awake, feeling around for where Catra should’ve been. She shot up, looking around in a hurry.

“Catra?!”

“We love you...we love you so much.”

Adora sighed, the glow of the hologram reflecting off the walls. Catra sat perched on their window seat. Watching unblinking at the hologram of her fathers. Adora tip-toed up behind her, winding her arms around the magicat lovingly and resting her chin on her shoulder. She placed a tender kiss on her temple.

The recording played on. Catra watched it once, then again, and again. She rarely cried when she did so. But when she did, allow the tears to fall, allow herself to be held and comforted, Adora was there for her, clutching her tight.

“If they never brought me to the Horde,” Catra whispered one night as they sat in bed, watching the image of her parents, “I...I never would’ve met you.” She pressed the hologram off. Surrounding the two of them in darkness. Catra’s eyes found Adora’s in the dark. Adora leaned down, winding her arm around Catra’s waist and pulling her close. She kissed her sweetly on the lips.

“That is true,” Adora murmured, not knowing what else to say. Catra smiled returning her kiss.

“I guess I’m glad they brought me to the Horde then. Even if it was horrible. Can you imagine if they brought me to Bright Moon?”

“You might’ve been raised a princess,” Adora giggled at the thought.

“Gross don’t make me puke.”

Catra let out a sigh, sad but content, pressing herself closer to Adora.

“I love you,” Adora murmmed. Catra answered, tucking her head under the other girl’s chin. Her tail wrapping around Adora’s leg.

“Maybe they aren’t dead. Maybe they made it,” Catra whispered after a time. “...I could find them and then...then we could find your parent’s too.”

Adora had never entertained the thought. She always assumed them dead or lost in some galaxy far far away outside Despondos.

“I’d like that,” Adora answered. “Can you imagine introducing your parent’s to She-Ra?” Adora laughed. Catra giggled too, and Adora’s heart exploded with fireworks. Making Catra laugh was something she never got tired of. They laughed the night away, imagining the thought of their parent’s meeting. Introducing each other. Giggling through their shared sorrow. Through the uncertainty. After all that was their specialty.

“Your old family, your parents.” Adora whispered, watching Catra’s tail twitch in her sleep. Trying to come up with the right words. Transforming such thoughts into speech was not her strong suit. She knew it. But here sleeping beside Catra as she slept Adora needed to say it.

“They...they brought you to the Horde, which brought us together and now...despite everything else you...you have a family again.”

Catra only continued to slumber, snoring lightly.

“Me, and Bow, George, Lance, Scorpia, Micah, Entrapta, Glimmer, we’re your family Catra and we love you. Just like your parents did.”

Adora startled, as one golden eye opened, looking at her. Catra shifted curling even smaller into her embrace.

“I love you too…..I love all of you.”

THE END

[winterromanov]

Maybe a college Bucky one where he’s being playing games out of town, and trying to study for exams and he’s just so tired but trying to keep going and reader makes him nap and relax and it’s just very Soft ☺️

pairing: bucky x reader (set in the same universe as this fic)

Trying to play football and also be a competent college student is an Incredibly Difficult Feat. You know this, because watching Bucky vault himself from away games to home games to mid terms to finals is about the most exhausting thing you’ve ever seen. If he’s not studying he’s at practice, and if he’s not playing he’s in an exam. It’s like watching a manic, sleep-deprived whirlwind, living almost entirely off coffee and takeout noodles.

He’s not taking care of himself. He’s pushing and pushing and pushing, trying not to let anybody down--as if he could ever do that.

“You don’t have anything to prove,” you say, as he crashes face-down on the bed in your dorm, the night before he leaves to play a game at Harvard and minutes after his Cold War history deadline. You’ve not seen him eat anything the last twenty-four hours. “Look--you won the last game. Steve said you could sit this one out.”

A vague mumbling comes from your bed. His face is smothered by the pillow and he’s too exhausted to even turn over, so you poke his ass with your foot. His hand reaches out, reflexes still ridiculously quick, pulling you onto the bed with him.

“Sorry, love,” you smirk, curling as close to him as your tiny mattress will allow. His arm pulls you close to his waist, palm splayed across your back. His heartbeat is unrelenting beneath his shirt, thudding between you. “Didn’t quite hear that one.”

His head shifts so you’re basically nose-to-nose, his grin sleepy and delirious. He’s gonna pass out any second. You’ve seen it many, many times before in the last hectic few weeks--you’re probably gonna see it a few more. “I’ll be fine after nap. Promise.”

“Don’t you dare fall asleep before I can force a pizza down you,” you warn, and he laughs, deliberately snuggling into the pillow and letting his eyes flicker closed. You can’t resist--running your hand through his hair, along his face. Kiss his forehead. “Goddamn it, Buck. You’re making it very difficult for me to look after you.”

“You being here is enough,” he says softly and before you have chance to reply he’s gone, lost in some dream. You slowly creep out of his embrace, making the pizza for him anyway. By the time you wake up the next day his body is a phantom shape in your bed but the pizza is gone--he’s left you a bright pink post-it note on the plate. Scribbled in his usual scrawl are the words thank you always favourite girl.

-

we won!!! harvard ain’t better than us at FOOTBALL

wish u could have been there

renaissance lit is being a bitch :(( well done you STAR. miss you more every moment so get back quick

should i hijack the bus and speed down the freeway

if you must

consider it done

love you

love you more than anything

-

The next game is thankfully a home one against Yale so you can at least keep an eye on him--you’re just protective, that’s all, not wanting him to burn out in front of you. There’s a lot of gym sessions and library cramming and a grand total of one dinner date at his apartment, where you made a pasta dish with as many vegetables as you could think of in as possible (his mom had sent you a message afterwards with immense gratitude because her son needed his greens, damn it). The following evening you’d wrapped yourself in one of his jerseys and sat in the bleachers alongside an injured Sam--injured and bitter about it--and waited in the lights and the noise for the game to begin.

“Bucky tells me you’re worried about him,” Sam interjects rather suddenly and when you blink back, he shrugs his non-injured shoulder nonchalantly. “Not that I blame you. That dude just doesn’t let up, does he?”

“You could say that,” you reply, shivering a little. The November air is cold, even wearing Bucky’s sweater. “He keeps telling me the season will be over before long, but I...I don’t want that to be a couple of weeks too much for him, you know?”

Sam hums thoughtfully. Around you, the crowd practically fizzes with excitement, covered with facepaint and aggressively chanting team songs at the opposing side. You’d never been to a college football game before you started dating one of the team’s star players, but you have to admit, the atmosphere is kinda addictive. Watching Bucky play is kinda addictive.

“If I know Bucky, and boy do I know him,” Sam eventually replies, squeezing up closer to you as more people gather into your stand. A girl is openly staring at you both--it doesn’t happen that often, but more so at games. People know Bucky, and Sam, so people know you. “He’ll get through this all okay. He always does, (Y/N). I’d been pretty damn surprised if he doesn’t make captain next year.”

You stare at the bright, clean grass of the field, and think of a boy so fucking exhausted from trying to balance his life that he can barely function half the time. Bucky would be an awesome captain. You just don’t want him to become a dead firework because of it.

-

The game ends up being pretty close but Yale just snatch the victory. It doesn’t mean that they can’t win the season, but. Bucky makes his way over to your stand at the end of the game like he always does, taking off his helmet and mouthguard. He also looks extremely deflated, like he always does when they lose.

“It’s okay,” you say, taking his face in your hands. He looks angry at himself. And you know what he’s thinking. I should have pushed harder. “Shit happens. You were still amazing.”

He kisses you over the barrier in a display of affection you were once too shy to give away in public, but you need him as much as he needs you. When you break apart you plant a chaste, gentle peck on his jawline, running your thumb over the shadow. 

“You two make me sick,” Sam interrupts the moment, arms folded. Bucky flips him off while smiling sweetly and you can’t help but laugh. “Honestly. Didn’t ask to be violated, but here we are.”

“Payback for every single time I’ve walked in on you doing unspeakable things with the girl from the top floor on our kitchen counter.” Bucky snaps back teasingly. You like watching the banter unfold between the two of them. You’d be worried if Bucky and Sam weren’t taking the piss at every given opportunity.

Sam gestures pointedly at his injured right shoulder. “I cannot believe you’d treat a fallen comrade like that. I’m disgusted.”

“And so was I when I saw the state of the kitchen counter.” Bucky gives you one last kiss, clutching your hand. “See you after I hit the showers, yeah?”

“I’ll be waiting.” Your promise him, and his eyes glow just a little brighter.

-

When Bucky facetimes you from Brown the very next week, he looks like he hasn’t slept for at least three days. His Ancient Chinese history exam is literally a day after he arrives back from the trip and he’s frantically cramming in his hotel room in Rhode Island, while also trying not to fuck up the team’s chances of winning the season.

“Just one more game after this,” his grainy voice says on the other end of the video feed, head lolling against the headboard of his Holiday Inn bed. You wish he was in your bed. God, you wish he was in your bed. “And the season is over and I don’t have to be away from you ever again.”

“I don’t think your mom would like it if I stole you away for Thanksgiving.” You joke, tongue poking between your teeth. His lips curve, half a laugh escaping from his chest.

“That’s why she personally invited you to stay with us for the holidays. She’s worried you might sneak in there first and drag me to Virginia. She already knows I’d go wherever you go.”

Your smile is kinda wistful. “Except when you go to Rhode Island.”

“Except when I go to Rhode Island.” He repeats, sighing dramatically. He rubs one of his tired eyes. “Ugh. Who thought coinciding pre-Thanksgiving exams and football season was a good idea, huh?”

“I have no idea, but I’m prepared to have words with them.” You tilt your head. “Don’t work too hard, yeah? It’s one exam. It’ll all be okay in the end.”

“I know, I know.”

You want to keep talking, on and on until the early hours like you do sometimes, because time is apparently not real when you and Bucky are on the phone together. But he needs sleep, and you need sleep, and occasionally you’ll do things for the greater good. “Good luck for tomorrow. Brown won’t know what’s hit ‘em.”

“They better not,” he jokes, “Will you be live-streaming the game?”

As if you wouldn’t. You can’t pretend that you always know what’s going on or any of the rules, but you always try to watch him if you can. He’d do the same for you, over and over and over. “Already got the tab open on my laptop and everything.”

Bucky’s grin is near effervescent, even through your patchy wifi connection. “I love you more than anything, you know that?”

“I may have had an inkling.”

-

hello y/n 

HELLLOOOOO

u know brown are the best losers because they lose and give you TEQUILA

omg are you drunk

never been DRUNK IN MY LIFE!!!! but im at this cool party and stEv e has found a girl and i miss u

i miss u so much . and like i just do generally 

whenever ur not ar oUnd 

oh sweet boy. you are very drunk.

im serious though

sometimes i think about how much i love you and it scares me

because then i th ink what it would be like if you wreent there 

and that makes me so fucking sad i cant breathe

y/n

y/n ???????????????

hellooo 

have u gone to bed

no, just messaging steve to make sure he gets you back safe. im not going anywhere. just please please look after yourself. love you always

-

“I’m sorry about those messages I sent you last night.”

You grab him in the tightest hug possible, his hold all still hanging off his arm, rain spattering down from dark clouds outside his apartment block. You hold him for at least ten years, you reckon, because the thought of him being so fucking sad he can’t breathe makes you so fucking sad you can’t breathe.

“You’re a terrible drunk who says things that make me emotional.” You laugh tearfully into his sweater and he grips you even harder, if possible. The shards of glass jabbed between your ribs start to dissolve as you inhale every single part of him.

“I know, sweetheart,” he murmurs, “I know.”

-

His last game is the day of your renaissance literature exam and for once you’ve been the one not eating and relying on caffeine, anxiety lingering round your jittery bones like an irritating ghost. Your interactions with Bucky are a battle between you wishing him aggressive luck for what could be the winning game while he equally aggressively says your exam will go fine, they always go fine, it’s an easy A for sure. 

Your exam isn’t until the afternoon so you spend the morning pacing about your bedroom looking at a sporadic mess of post-it notes on your wall declaring quotes and context that you hope will just stick in your brain. When Lizzie from down the hall says there’s a package for you you don’t actually think much of it, too busy to deal with something you’ve probably forgotten you ordered from Amazon--but she makes some comment about how fancy it is, wrapped up in striped paper.

Your name is in print across the front so it doesn’t leave a clue on the sender, but as soon as you rip into it and find a bundle of things nestled between tissue paper, you know instantly. It’s kind of embarrassing you didn’t click sooner. 

Dear Y/N - you’ll ace it, favourite gal. 

You try not to break down in sleep-deprived and emotional tears as you pull out a brand new sweater in your favourite shade of burgundy, a vintage copy of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, three different kind of Hershey’s bars and a dumb little teddy bear wearing your college jersey. He’s sent you a fucking care package. He’s away at Princeton, and he’s sent you a care package, because exams drive you crazy and he’s just... Well, he’s Bucky.

-

i got your present

have i ever mentioned that i love you

i may have had an inkling

-

He doesn’t really leave you a choice, does he? Besides, the game is only at Princeton, and if you catch the train the moment you escape the uneasy warmth of a crowded exam hall you should be able to get there in time. 

You’ve never been to Princeton stadium before, but you grab one of the last tickets available and rush onto their crowded bleachers just before the game is about to begin. The lights are heady, the atmosphere is electric, and you’re about to watch the man you lovingly, completely, unrelentingly call your own play the game he loves almost as much as you at a stadium forty miles from home. 

hey steve, you text his closest friend, hoping he’ll see it, get buck to look at the front of the stairs near block d when you come out

y/n if this is what i think it means he’s going to lose his goddamn mind

:)

When the team runs out you notice the number five on his jersey straight away, a constant fleeting image in your head from the countless games you’ve seen him play. Even from a distance, Steve’s eyes catch your own and his arm starts gesturing violently in your direction, Bucky taking a couple of moments to catch on.

It’s a good job the game isn’t due to start for a few more minutes, because absolutely nothing can stop him from automatically sprinting to your side of the field and kissing you senseless, cameras and crowds be damned.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he says on a dizzy outtake of breath.

“Couldn’t miss the last game of the season, could I?” You gently push his chest, urging him to go back to his team. “And neither can you. Go back to them. I’ll be waiting.”

He steals your lips for one more second, giddy and pumped full of adrenaline. “I really lucked out the day I met you, didn’t I?”

His mouth is hot. Hot. Unmistakable. Real. Always, always real. “Not as lucky as me.”

my masterlist

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[pikapeppa]

Felassan/Lavellan modern AU: Bitterness

Several chapters of Inadvisable (Professor Solas modern AU) have been posted on AO3 and I didn’t crosspost them here, OHP. (Honestly, Tumblr’s blocking of external links is pissing me the fuck off, so I got tired and stopped posting. But I will try to get back into the habit when I’m in the mood. 😂)

ANYWAY, catch up here on AO3, and here is some Tamaris Lavellan POV from the most recent chapter! ~6100 words in total.

***************************

- TAMARIS -

Tamaris was cleaning up after her last client of the day when she sensed a pair of eyes on the back of her neck.

She looked up to find Athera staring at her from the doorway. She raised an eyebrow and continued sterilizing the table. “What? What’s up?”

“I have something for you,” Athera said.

Tamaris looked up once more. Athera’s voice sounded calm, but her eyes were huge and excited, and she was practically vibrating. 

Tamaris gave her a funny look. “Something for me? Like a gift?”

“Not exactly,” she said.

“So what is it?” Tamaris said, slightly nonplussed now. “Did I get a package or something? I didn’t order anything.”

“No, no package,” Athera said. “It’s, um…” She bit her lips as though to hide a smile. “Are you almost finished there?”

Tamaris wilted slightly. Athera’s antics would usually amuse her, but her fuse had been particularly short this week. “Yeah, I’ll be done in a minute,” she said. “Can you make me some coffee?”

“Of course!” Athera hurried away to the kitchen, and Tamaris exhaled and finished up her cleaning routine a little more quickly.

She wandered into the kitchen to find Athera stirring sugar into her coffee. Athera handed her the cup, and she took a fortifying sip before raising her eyebrows. “Okay. What’s this mystery thing you have for me?”

Athera made a face that was somewhere between a smile and a nervous grimace, then took a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and held it out. 

Tamaris took it. “What’s…” She trailed off with a gut-punch of shock. 

Avise. She gaped at the paper for a second, then looked up at Athera. “Where — how the fuck—?” 

“Felassan works in my lab,” Athera blurted. 

“What?” Tamaris said blankly. “He — when did – how…?”

Athera did a little hop. “I know, I know, we were surprised too! He was putting away a laptop when I was getting ready to leave for the day and I mentioned you and he was all surprised, so–”

“Wait,” Tamaris interrupted. “He works in your lab? He — he works at the Ancient Elvhen Studies lab?”

“Yes!” she said brightly. “He teaches classes for Solas and Abelas.”

Tamaris didn’t reply. She didn’t know Felassan worked at the university. He hadn’t told her he worked at the university. All he’d mentioned was his concept art job. Why hadn’t he told her that he worked at U of O?

She scowled at the paper in her hand, then held it out to Athera. “What is this?”

Athera shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t read it.”

“He didn’t tell you what it says?” Tamaris demanded.

“He said—” She broke off with a giggle, then bit her lips and made an apologetic face. “I asked him if it was a love letter, and he said it was the most loving love letter in all of Thedas. Or something like that.”

Tamaris’s heart twisted. She scoffed. “He’s so fucking full of shit.”

“That’s what I said you would say!” Athera laughed, then cleared her throat when Tamaris didn’t smile. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s really a love letter. It only took him about ten seconds to write.”

Tamaris stared at the paper, feeling totally wrong-footed. She’d spent the better part of this week trying to forget about Felassan, ignoring his texts and distracting herself with TV or by coming up with tattoo designs for her online portfolio whenever her thoughts strayed to his cheeky fucking smile and his pretty amethyst eyes. And now, without warning, he’d inserted himself into her life. 

Without warning, here he was: a tangible piece of him in her hands. A piece of paper that his elegant hand had written on — that he’d written that fucking endearment on, to add insult to injury. 

“Well?” Athera said. “Aren’t you going to read it?”

Tamaris shot her a dirty look. “Are you going to keep staring at me until I do?”

“Probably,” Athera said. Her expression was oddly serious now. “I mean, I could pretend I don’t want to know what he wrote, and you definitely don’t have to tell me what it says, but I really think you should read it.”

“Why?” Tamaris said.

“Because…” Athera winced. “Look, no offense, but you’ve been kind of horrible all week, and I think he has something to do with it.”

Tamaris recoiled, scalded by her words. “If you think he has something to do with it, why are you taking his side?”

“I didn’t know there was something to take sides about,” Athera said carefully. “I thought he was just some guy you met last week and decided not to see again.”

Tamaris took a deep breath and rubbed the paper between her fingers. She knew she shouldn’t be feeling so angry about this, but she couldn’t seem to control her temper this week. She’d been feeling off-kilter, as though her internal equilibrium had been totally thrown off, and as much as she hated to admit it, Athera was right: she was being horrible, and Felassan did have something to do with it. 

He had everything to do with it, really. Not that he’d done anything wrong, which only served to make Tamaris feel even more inexplicably angry. 

She glared at Athera. “This is none of your business.”

Athera sighed. “I’ve been getting that a lot today.”

“What are you talking about?” she demanded.

Athera gave her a wheedling look. “I’ll tell you if you read that note.”

Tamaris sighed loudly. “For fuck’s fucking sake.”

At the end of the hall, Nare’s bedroom door opened. She poked her head out. “Is everything okay?”

Tamaris gave Athera a forbidding look, but Athera was annoyingly uncowed; she folded her arms and raised her eyebrows, and unfortunately, this was enough to draw Nare’s concern. 

She stepped out of her room and padded over to them. “What’s going on?” Her eyes fell on the piece of paper in Tamaris’s hand. “What’s that?”

Tamaris hid the paper behind her back, and Athera sighed. “Tam…”

“Leave me alone, okay?” she snapped. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That’s the problem,” Athera said. She gave her a pleading look. “Just talk to us, okay? Tell us what’s going on. You know we’re not going anywhere until you do. Right?” She looked askance at Nare, and her eyebrows rose. “Hey, are you okay? You look a little flushed.”

Nare smiled. “I’m fine! I was just doing some yoga.”

Athera blinked. “In your bedroom?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to disturb you guys,” she said. She looked at Tamaris. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Tamaris said defensively.

“Felassan is the guy that Tamaris met last week,” Athera said loudly.

Nare’s eyes went wide. “What? Seriously?”

Tamaris slumped in exasperation. “What the fuck, so you know him too?”

“Yes, he teaches my art history seminar,” Nare said. “Is he really the guy you met last week?”

“Yes,” Tamaris grunted. “But he didn’t tell me that he was a teacher at U of O.”

“Why would he tell you?” Nare asked.

Tamaris gave her an arch look. “Are you saying you think it’s okay that he fucking lied to me?”

Nare’s expression grew cautious. “No. It’s just — well, you don’t usually bother to talk much with the guys you meet. Not judging at all, you know I’m not,” she added hurriedly. “But you said yourself that you can't be bothered getting to know them.”

Athera tapped Tamaris’s wrist. “Felassan said you talked for like six hours.”

Tamaris glared at her, but Nare jumped in. “You talked to him for six hours? Really?” She raised her eyebrows playfully. “And here I was thinking you were having marathon sex and keeping all the stories to yourself for some reason.”

Athera giggled. “Me too! I thought she was just holding out on us!”

Tamaris pursed her lips and didn’t reply. After a brief awkward pause, Nare spoke again. “So… so is that a letter from him, then?”

Tamaris scowled, but Athera replied. “Yes, it is. I ran into him at the lab at the end of the day and we just happened to find out that we have Tam in common. He asked me to give that to her.”

Nare smiled. “Aw, that’s cute! What does it say?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Tamaris snapped. “I haven’t read it.”

“Can I read it?” Nare asked teasingly.

Tamaris tucked the letter against her chest. “No!”

Nare chuckled. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Her smile faded. “Seriously though, what’s the problem? Did Felassan do something bad?”

“No,” Tamaris said. She gulped her coffee and burned the roof of her mouth, then set the coffee down on the counter and went to the cupboard. She got a glass and filled it with water and drank the whole thing in five gulps, and when she turned around, Nare and Athera were both looking at her. 

She sneered at them. “Take a fucking photo, it’ll last longer.”

Athera awkwardly tugged her ear, but Nare was unfazed. “What happened with Felassan last week?” she said evenly.

Tamaris swelled with anger, and Athera winced. “Tam, we’re only asking because—”

“Because you care, I know,” Tamaris burst out. “I know you’re being nosy fucks because you care, and I know I’m being a total bitch, but just — I didn’t ask for this, okay?” She gestured angrily with the folded paper in her hand. “I didn’t fucking ask for this. I didn’t want to–” She broke off before she could admit that her feelings for Felassan were more than basely sexual.

She took a deep breath to try and calm her rage. “You want to know what happened last week? We met up at the Neighbour’s House and talked, and he said he’d take me home and fuck me. But we ended up talking at his place and watching half of a movie instead. Then we started fooling around again, and I just — I didn’t want to fuck him anymore, so I came home. Okay?” She glared venomously at them. “That’s what happened. Happy now?”

Nare’s eyebrows were raised. “You didn’t want to have sex with him?”

“I did,” Tamaris gritted. “I — I wanted to fuck him. I just didn’t — I don’t want… the rest of it. I — it’s not fucking worth it.”

Athera’s face softened. “You like him, don’t you?”

A bubble of rage suddenly burst in her chest. “Just fucking drop it, okay?” she yelled. “I know you guys are just trying to be nice but I… I don’t want to do this again. You remember what happened with Perron. You were there!”

“We were,” Nare said softly. “But… Tam, I thought he didn’t matter to you anymore.” 

“He doesn’t matter anymore,” she snapped. “It’s not about him.”

 “Then what is it about?” Nare asked. 

Tamaris glared at them. At this moment, the sympathy in their faces was the last thing she wanted to see. 

She stepped back. “Forget it. I’m going to my room.” She picked up her coffee and stalked down the hall to her bedroom. She slammed the door and sank down onto the floor at the foot of her bed, then brought the coffee to her lips with a trembling hand.

The bitterness of her coffee spread across the surface of her tongue, and it was a fitting match for the bitterness that was pulsing through her chest. It’s not worth it, she thought furiously. It was crazy to put yourself on the line and to give your time and emotional energy to another person. Sure, maybe they wouldn’t turn around and dump you at the moment when you really needed their support, but you couldn’t know that. You could never be sure that the person you loved wasn’t going to fuck you over at the moment when you needed them the most. 

Fucking Perron, she thought furiously. She still couldn’t believe he’d broken up with her right when her brother Marin was in the middle of the worst psychotic episode he’d ever had. 

No, actually, she could believe it. In retrospect, Tamaris should have known that Perron was a selfish shit who would leave her the second he sensed that her attention was divided. He’d always been so fucking needy with his art, always needing to be praised even when his stuff wasn’t that good, and she’d just chalked it up to him being insecure, as many young artists were. But when Marin started acting strange and Tamaris had to keep a closer eye on him, Perron had started complaining. That was when Tamaris really should have known him for the asshole that he was.

She dragged a hand through her hair. Really, she was the one to blame for how things had fallen out. She should have kicked Perron to the curb way before he’d ever had the chance to dump her. But with Marin’s behaviour getting out of control and her parents being completely overwhelmed to the point of uselessness, Tamaris had been so desperate for some kind of anchor to a normal life.

She’d expected Perron to be that anchor. They’d been together for two fucking years, after all. But in the end, Perron had left. Even now, years after Marin was comfortably settled at the group home in Kirkwall, years after Tamaris had stopped giving a shit about Perron, the bitterness still lingered. 

Now, as she stared at the crumpled paper in her fist, she realized how badly that bitterness was poisoning her. After years of guarding herself, of purposely eschewing romantic ties in favour of easy casual sex, she’d finally met someone that she liked enough to consider actually dating. She’d met someone who was clever but kind, charming but genuine, handsome and smooth and a beautiful kisser, but also an unapologetic nerd when it came to his craft.

Now that Tamaris had met Felassan, she was realizing the ugly truth of just how thoroughly her own bitterness had sunk all the way into the core of her heart. 

A tear rolled down her face, and she hastily wiped it away before draining the last dregs of her coffee. It was too sweet, but she wasn’t surprised; that was what she got for asking Athera to make coffee for her. 

She set the cup down on the floor and closed her eyes, feeling totally exhausted by the past ten minutes. When she was finally feeling some semblance of calm, she unfolded the note from Felassan. 

Tamaris:

I can imagine your lovely scowl as you’re reading this. It would be my honour (and pleasure) to witness that lovely scowl again in person.

By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be at the Neighbour’s House having a drink. I’ll be here until Krem gets sick of me – in other words, until closing time. (He never gets sick of me. I am incredibly entertaining. And a very good tipper.)

I know what you’re thinking: I am full of shit. I dare you to say so to my face. 

Yours, Felassan

She snorted a little laugh. He was such a cheeky shit. 

Another tear rolled down her face. She impatiently wiped it away, but the next thing she knew, she was sobbing.

She dropped the letter on the floor and crawled onto her bed, then curled up and buried her face in a pillow so Nare and Athera wouldn’t hear her. Fucking Felassan, she thought furiously. Why did he have to come bursting into her life and messing up her routine? Sure, maybe her life was stale and unexciting, but it was stable. It was predictable. It wasn’t a constant fucking up-and-down of emotions, not like the years it had taken for Marin to even out.

But Felassan was ruining that. With two encounters, one Instagram conversation, a few clever texts and one hastily-scrawled note, Felassan was turning her stable routine and her emotional landscape upside down. He was making her into a fucking mess with his charm and his enthusiasm and his stupid banter and his stupid beautiful gemlike eyes, and Tamaris didn’t fucking want this.

Except that she did. She… fuck, she actually wanted him. Despite all the shit she’d gone through with Perron and the hard-earned lesson to cast aside love in favour of emotionless sex instead, her stupid heart wanted Felassan, and she was fucking terrified. 

She sobbed and clutched her pillow. She hated feeling this way — this throbbing ache in her chest that was forcing its way through her throat in a helpless spill of tears. She hadn’t cried like this in years, having purposely avoided any situations that would lead to this kind of bullshit. And now, after one stunningly memorable date, she was a fucking mess. 

She would have to ignore his letter. That’s all there was to it. She would ignore his invitation just like she’d ignored his texts and her own invasive memories of his smile, and she’d go back to her nice boring stable life of doing tattoos and binge-watching TV and fucking random guys when she really got the urge.

But you don’t want to fuck random guys, a tiny masochistic voice said at the back of her mind. You want Felassan.

She gripped her hair in her fists. When her hands started to hurt from the tension, she released her hair and rolled onto her back.

She stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom. Ghosting Felassan was the smart thing to do. She just needed a little more time to forget him, that was all. And she could start by deleting his texts from her phone.

She reached into the pocket of her sweatpants and pulled out her phone, then swiped into her texts.

Read the rest on AO3! (I’m sorry, I just refuse to format the texts here. I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE. 😂😂😂)

[gerrystamour]

wood stove, like a warm heart

Written by: GerryStAmour | Art by: @stubbornjerk​

- - - - -

There wasn’t a night that went by that Juno Steel wasn’t woken up in the wee hours of the morning, grumpy and bitter about living in an apartment building with shared vents between units. This time, however, Juno found himself being woken by the fire alarm for the whole building blaring before the smell of something burning reached his nose.

The latter he was used to by that point. That didn’t make this entire situation less annoying or exhausting.

Juno got out of his bed and pulled a t-shirt on over his bralette and a pair of shorts over his lacy briefs. Across his studio apartment, a rabbit of considerable size was making grumpy noises from atop her luxurious bed, trying to keep her head buried beneath a pillow to block out the noise.

She was more closely related to a breed of rabbit found on Earth, which meant she wouldn’t get as large as Martian rabbits, but she was already pushing the weight restriction on pets. The fact that she was still growing was not lost on Juno either.

Making a sad face at his poor baby’s predicament, Juno grabbed his eyepatch and a leash off of a hook on the side of a kitchen cabinet.

“C’mon, Small Fry, let’s go,” he wearily mumbled as he approached her bed and clipped the leash onto the pink harness she wore. “The moron is burning the building down apparently.”

Next to Small Fry’s bed was the window to the fire escape, and below it was a pair of Juno’s sandals, which he quickly slipped on before climbing out.

A few short moments later, Juno and Small Fry found themselves standing across the street at the muster point, looking up at the building with twin dark looks. It was apparent there was no fire, but they still had to wait for the fire department to come.

It was shaping up to be an early start to Juno’s day.

“I swear I’m going to file a formal complaint about that asshole, whoever they are.”

Juno glanced over to watch Benzaiten walk up, sour-faced and half-asleep as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his hoodie pocket. He lit one as he said, “I have to open the studio early tomorrow for a class, and I’ve gotten  maybe two hours sleep.”

“Sounds like you should’ve thought about that before staying up until one in the morning, Ben,” Juno lectured him half-heartedly, holding a hand out for a smoke. Benten readily handed him one and the lighter, rolling his eyes at Juno’s griping.

“Ugh, don’t Mom me, Juno,” Benten complained, and then he dropped to a crouch in front of Small Fry to pet her with his free hand. “And Princess Small Fry’s sleep was disturbed, too! How could they?”

Small Fry made a noise that sounded suspiciously close to “I know” and leaned into Benten’s petting.

Juno watched his brother and rabbit commiserate dramatically over the state of their sleep schedules with a raised eyebrow before taking a long drag of the cigarette. He made a face at the heat and the flavour of it, used to his vape as he was. Unfortunately, he had forgotten the stupid thing upstairs in his hoodie.

“Look at this, Juno, they’ve gone too far,” Benten whined, and Small Fry nodded.

“We’re not bitching to management just because a neighbour can’t cook, Ben,” he replied, rolling his eyes, but he really couldn’t argue how tiring this was getting.

It was the first time the whole building’s alarm was triggered, but every damn day, at three in the morning, the entire floor smelled like something awful burning. Juno was getting used to it, but after a month of it, he was at his wit’s end.

The first night Juno awoke to the smell of something burning, he panicked. He tore through the apartment, looking for the source of the flames, disturbing Small Fry which earned him a nasty nip to the wrist. When he found nothing, he was confused, but since the building’s alarm wasn’t going off, he realised it was likely a neighbour’s dinner gone wrong.

At three in the morning.

Juno had sighed and resolved to just go to bed and ignore it. There was nothing to do about it anyway.

The smell was still there in the morning but less obtrusive. Juno quickly forgot about it after opening some windows and lighting some candles.

When the smell was back at three in the morning the next day, he just rolled over with a huff. He had dealt with worse neighbours than this; he could let bad cooking in the middle of the night go.

The day after that was the housewarming party for all of the new tenants that month, held by Buddy Aurinko. Buddy and her wife Vespa were among the original residents of the Carte Blanche Luxury Studios and Condos, and Buddy made it her job to welcome all newcomers. Every month, they would have a big party in the great room to break the ice and make friends. This helped both newcomers and long-time residents, as it also helped encourage less savoury people to move along quickly.

With the party that evening, Juno had decided to finish up researching a case early to put together some fancy stuffed mushrooms, a crowd favourite of his.

It was at the party that Juno first saw him from across the room, the most attractive man he had ever seen.

The man was very tall—even taller than Jet which Juno hadn’t even realised was possible—and incredibly lean.  Even from his vantage point, Juno could tell the new tenant had sharp features and a blinding smile, and his long black hair was pulled back in a loose braid. Juno couldn’t help the brief fantasy of touching that hair but quickly squashed it before things became embarrassing.

Benten, however, had caught his distraction, followed his gaze, and clocked his interest.

“Uh-oh, Juno’s being predictable,” he sang, taking a sip of his sparkling wine with a knowing look.

“What?” Rita had asked, loud enough to stop most conversation around them, and looked around. “Who’s Mista Steel lookn’ at?”

The accusation from Benten smarted, of course, but the fact that Rita knew what Benten meant  just showed there was some truth to his statement. Well,  a lot of truth.

“That absolute bean-pole with the long hair, over there,” Benten replied, pointing at the man as he turned away and headed toward the door. “Looks like he’s leaving, Juno. You’re losing your chance.”

“The hell’s that supposed to mean? I’ll see him around,” Juno scoffs, and glares at the dual flat stares Rita and Benten give him. “What?”

“Well, Mista Steel, I mean,” Rita starts, her voice full of concern. “In general, y’ really don’t, y’ know—”

“If you don’t do something impulsively and make an ass out of yourself, you’re probably not going to do it at all,” Benten interrupted, and Rita made an affronted noise on Juno’s behalf. She did not argue it though. “You also are completely incapable of platonic relationships with hot people. So, if you’re gonna sleep with him, make your move now. Otherwise, don’t come whining to me about how hot he is.”

Juno wished Benten was exaggerating. Unfortunately, it was the truth through and through. That didn’t mean Juno had to like it.

“I can ask him out when—no, if! I can ask him out if I want to, whenever I want to,” Juno argued anyway, crossing his arms over his chest and watching the man disappear through the doorway. “I’m perfectly capable of asking people out in a planned, intentional way.”

Benten just rolled his eyes, and Rita made a sceptical noise in the back of her throat.

“ And  I can be just friends with hot people, too! You know what? I’ll  prove it to both of you!” Juno said resolutely, returning to people-watching with a sour look.

“Now what are you three trouble-makers up to over here?” came Buddy’s smokey voice as she walked over. “What have you done to get Juno so moody already?”

“Juno insists he can commit premeditated courting, rather than smash and dashes,” Benten replied with a snort of laughter. “And that he’s able to keep his clothes on around hot people.”

“I can!” Juno snapped, glaring at Benten before turning to Buddy. “C’mon, Buddy, you’ve got to believe in me.”

“Oh, darling,” Buddy said sympathetically instead, her visible eye twinkling with amusement and her mouth turned up in a small, pitying smile.

“You know what? This party sucks, as always Buddy,” Juno said with an explosive sigh as he throws his hands up, glaring at his friends as they laughed. “Just bring my casserole dish back when it’s done.”

There was no heat to his outburst, of course. They were right, and Juno couldn’t even pretend to argue that they weren’t. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t committed to proving them  wrong .

And thus began his month of being woken up every night to the noxious fumes of something rancid being charbroiled in a pit of raw sewage while also trying to work up the nerve to talk to the hot new tenant.

The first, and also last time Juno had spoken to the new guy was by the mailboxes a week ago. Juno had just come in off the street during a surprise sandstorm.

He was covered in fine red dust from head to toe and carrying Small Fry, who was dead weight in his arms.

“Goddamn sandstorm. Why do we live here, Rita?” Juno complained into his comms, trying to haul Small Fry up into his arms better.

“Because we grew up here, Mista Steel,” she responded, sounding bored and distracted, likely watching one of her streams.

“Yeah, well, you know how the brat gets with a bit of sand. Like her skin is made of tissue paper or something,” Juno said with a grunt, shifting her so he could fish his keys out of his pocket to get the mail. In hindsight, he realised he should have just put Small Fry on the ground, but Juno wasn’t that smart.

“Boss, are you talking about Small Fry, or yourself?” she asked with a giggle.

“I’m obviously talking about the damn rabbit, Rita!” he shouted and immediately knew he had made a big mistake.

In his arms, Small Fry began squeaking angrily at him while Rita also laid into him for talking about “his princess” like that, and that she had never done a single thing wrong ever, and Juno owes it to her to make her life the best ever.

Juno just groaned and worked on getting his mailbox open.

“Okay, Rita, Rita, Ri-- Okay, Rita! I get it!” Juno finally interrupted as he scooped his mail out of the box. Behind him, he heard the elevator ding, but he mostly ignored it.

“Do you get it, Boss? Because I don’t think you do!”

“Yes, Rita, now-- ah  shit !”

Small Fry had decided, in a matter of milliseconds, that she was done being held and shook.

Now, if holding a rabbit of Small Fry’s size was difficult, holding her while she shook  was impossible.

Juno dropped her along with his mail, his keys, and his comms. It wasn’t long before Juno joined all of his stuff because Small Fry had immediately tried to take off while her leash was wrapped around his leg.

“ Shit ,” Juno hissed, struggling to sit up while Small Fry continued to hop around at the end of her leash. Dabbing his nose with his fingers, he groaned when his hand came away covered in blood. “Goddamn it, Small Fry.”

“Are you alright?” came a concerned voice, and he could hear the steady click of heels as the person approached.

“The hell does it look like, pal?” Juno snapped as he turned to glare at the person, embarrassment burning in his gut at being seen like that.

When he finally actually focused on the person approaching him, he froze.

There he was, the man of his dreams, the tall stranger he saw from across the room at the party, who was now hesitating after Juno’s outburst. The first chance he had to speak to him, and there Juno was, covered in sand, blood, and being dragged by a rabbit.

But the man was just as handsome as Juno thought, so tall and lean as he was, his rose-tinted glasses slipping down his nose, and his long hair loose around his shoulders. He was beautiful, Juno realised and his face heated up.

Juno dropped his forehead to the tile floor with a groan, before he yelped as Small Fry dragged him another foot.

“Can you do me a favour and grab the rabbit?” Juno asked frantically, as every time he tried to sit up, Small Fry would drag him again. The stranger immediately jumped to assist, his cheeks turning pink as he reached for the rabbit. “Careful! She—”

“Ah!” the man hissed, pulling his hand back a bit and shaking it, but he managed to wrangle her nonetheless.

“Bites…” Juno finished saying miserably, his face positively on fire as he rolled over and sat up, untying his leg. The stranger was struggling to hold Small Fry, his hand bleeding, and his dark outfit getting covered in dust and grey fur.

Juno knew in that instant that any chance he had with the man, platonic or otherwise, was pretty much over. Perhaps he could reason with Rita and Benten that it hadn’t been himself to ruin his chances? That particular fantasy was pretty much over as soon as it began, though, because blaming Small Fry was a nonstarter.

No, there was no way to return from this embarrassment, and he would just have to admire the man from afar.

“Small Fry, knock it off!” Juno shouted as he finally got free and stood up, grabbing the flailing rabbit from the man. She stilled immediately, which did nothing for Juno’s sour mood. Seeing the extent of the bite on the man’s hand had Juno flinching, however. “Shit, your hand.”

“Oh, this? This is nothing a little antiseptic, and a bandage won’t take care of,” the man replied with a winning smile, showing off a pair of sharp teeth. He was clearly lying about the severity of his injury, of course, but Juno was thoroughly distracted by those teeth for the moment.

“Hello?”

Juno blinked and shook his head. “Sorry, what? Were you saying something?” he asked, and the man looked deeply amused.

“I had asked if you were alright. There is quite a lot of blood on your face,” the man said, pulling out a handkerchief— an actual handkerchief, who  does that?—and dabbed just below Juno’s nose lightly. “Did you hit your head at all?”

“Y-yeah—I mean, no! I didn’t hit my head, I mean I hit my face, but not my head. I’m fine though,” Juno babbled, stepping back from the man and putting Small Fry down. He picked his mail and his shattered comms up off the floor. “I mean, my comms and my nose are both probably broken, but it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Here, take this,” the man said, handing Juno the handkerchief. Juno was too embarrassed to refuse, and he held it under his nose.

“Thanks, uh, I’m Juno. Juno Steel,” he said quickly before he could think better of it. “Private Investigator.”

“That is a beautiful name!” the man gushed, and Juno thought that if his face got any hotter, it would literally burst into flames. “After the goddess, I presume?”

“Y-yeah, I guess so. My brother’s name is Benzaiten, so Ma had something for Goddesses,” Juno confirmed, shrugging. “Your name?”

“Rex Glass, it has been a pleasure to meet you!” the man said pleasantly, but something like regret passed over his face. It was gone as quickly as it came, but it was strange enough that it had Juno watching him a bit more closely.

“Yeah, pleasure meeting you, too,” Juno said, and then he nodded his head toward the elevators. “I’m going to go get cleaned up now. See you around.”

Juno was gone in a flash, and moped for the rest of the afternoon in his apartment, cuddling with Small Fry on his couch. That night, when the moron on his floor messed up their meal, it was exceedingly terrible because the sandstorm kept him from being able to open his windows.

Of course, even with the embarrassment of their first meeting, Juno was curious to know where Rex lived in the building. But there appeared to be  no Rex Glass on the roster.

Granted, Juno didn’t have access to the official “roster” of the building, but there was no “Glass, R.” on the switchboard for guests to get in. So was Rex just a guest, visiting a resident regularly? Or was he someone’s partner? Juno pouted at that thought, but it was the one that made the most sense. There was no “Ilkay, V” on the switchboard either because she lived with Buddy, so that would explain the lack of Rex’s name.

Plus, Rex was way too hot to be single.

And that was where his month of resignation and frustration had ended, with him shivering on a sidewalk in the middle of the night wearing only his pyjamas and smoking a cigarette. At the same time, his brother cooed and complained to his pet rabbit.

Truly, Juno was moving up in the world.

“Uh-oh, Juno,” Benten suddenly said with a snicker as he stood and grabbed Small Fry’s leash. “Look who’s coming!”

Before Juno could question him, Benten and Small Fry were gone from his side. When he turned to look for them, his gaze met the dark eyes of Rex Glass, and he almost choked on his tongue.

Of course, he was beyond handsome, which was honestly rude given it was three in the goddamn morning and they were forced out of their homes by some idiot who couldn’t cook.

Rex was wearing a pair of colourful tights and a silk camisole. One of the straps had slipped off of Glass’ shoulder, which presented Juno with the temptation to fix it, which he steadfastly ignored. Glass’ long dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and while he was yawning, it was apparent he had been awake if his makeup was anything to go by.

“Hello, Juno,” Rex greeted, and Juno realised that he had walked over to speak to him . Specifically.

“Hey… Glass,” Juno said haltingly, smiling weakly up at him. Rex was so tall, Juno realised all over again, and he wasn’t even wearing heels this time.

“Where is your delightful little rabbit?” he asked, looking around at the ground.

“My brother ran off with her just a minute ago,” Juno replied, snuffing out his cigarette and tossing it into the nearby garbage. “Surprised you didn’t see him. Looks just like me, but still has all the good looks and both eyes.”

“I fear I only had eyes for you, my dear Juno,” Rex said with another winning smile, and Juno thought his heart might burst out of his chest.

“Hey, quick question, Glass,” Juno said, turning the conversation elsewhere before he embarrassed himself. “Your name isn’t anywhere on the switchboard. Are you just visiting someone? Live with someone?”

At that, Rex looked a bit sheepish, and reached up to rub the back of his neck. “I’ve been hoping for a chance to clear that up with you. My name is not  Rex Glass, at all,” he confessed, laughing a bit at Juno’s questioning stare.

“Is this a… a witness protection kind of thing?” Juno asked with a laugh. “And you just forgot to give me your new name?”

“Oh, no, no. I wish it were something less stupid like that,” Not-Rex said with a sigh. “No, I just panicked.”

Juno waited for him to elaborate, and when Not-Rex didn’t, he prompted, “...about?”

“I… tend to give fake names to people,” Not-Rex began, and his cheeks were flushed as he confessed. “I’m used to being hit on, and the cheesy pick-up lines,  ugh, so… I keep my identity a secret most of the time.”

Juno blinked up at the man before looking away, feeling a bit disappointed. Of course, Not-Rex was in high demand, and of course, he was sick of it. That for sure marked the end of any attempts to court him, Juno thought a bit sadly.

“I wasn’t trying to pick you up,” Juno said after a moment as the confusion caught up.

“I am aware, Juno,” Not-Rex replied with a smirk. “Can’t say I’m not a little disappointed about that.”

“I had blood, like pouring out of my nose,” Juno added, ignoring the teasing comment.

“Yes, I remember,” Not-Rex laughed.

“Small Fry bit  you,” Juno continued, gesturing at his hand. “And I can literally see you needed stitches.”

“Only a couple and Dr Ilkay was very accommodating,” Not-Rex replied. “I’ve had worse injuries than a little bunny bite like this, darling.”

“But, w-why would you think I was hitting on you after all of that?” Juno finally asked.

“I didn’t,” he said with a sheepish little shrug. “As I said, I panicked. I was surprised by the whole situation, and when confronted by a handsome lady asking for my name, I defaulted to old habits.”

“Wow, that’s… weird, but I guess I buy it,” Juno said, his face hot with being called handsome. “So, are you going to give me your real name? Or?”

“Oh, right, of course,” Not-Rex said, sounding a bit flustered as he offered his hand. “Peter Nureyev.”

Juno could remember a name similar to that on the switchboard, and nodded, accepting the proffered hand and shook it. “Nice to meet you, Nureyev.”

“And same to you, Juno,” Peter replied, smiling wide and once again Juno was distracted by the sharp teeth.

“So, uh, which one of these idiots do you think set off the alarms?” Juno asked, clearing his throat and looking around appraisingly.

“That was me, of course,” Peter said and offered nothing further when Juno looked back up at him.

“What?” Juno asked flatly, refusing to believe that it was  Nureyev  —gorgeous, tall, smooth Nureyev that was so hot he had to give people fake names  to be left alone—was the disaster cook. “Because… you’re so hot?”

“No, because I put the oil on after I added the meat,” Peter admitted, before turning a smile down toward Juno and winking. “I’m glad you think so, though. I’ve been feeling a bit bloated. You know how it is.”

“It’s been  you  waking me up every night with your  awful  cooking?” Juno asked, absolutely bowled over by this revelation.

“I’m not sure, have I?” Peter asked, and his blush returned in full force.

“If you’re the one burning shit every night at three in the morning, then yeah, you have!” Juno said, trying to reconcile this beautiful man with the bane of his existence for the past month. “This can’t be real; it just can’t.”

“I’m afraid it is, my dear detective,” Peter said with a dejected sigh. “Never had a chance to learn, so I’m largely self-taught.”

“I can’t let this happen,” Juno said definitively, meeting Peter’s gaze. “You’re letting me teach you how to cook, Nureyev.”

“Am I, now?” Peter asked with a delighted grin.

“Yes, because I am sick and tired of losing sleep,” Juno said, though his proper reasoning was to have any excuse to spend time with Peter. He was off-limits for hitting on, and Juno had a point to prove to Benten, Rita, and Buddy. “Plus, you can’t look like  that  and be a shitty cook.”

Peter smiled down at Juno and Juno tried to ignore the backflips his stomach did. “That sounds fun. How about you swing by tomorrow, and we can hash out the details about our little lessons?”

“Y-yeah,” Juno said, stuttering when Peter leaned down, the scent of his cologne filling his lungs. After a moment, he realised the man was just bowing before turning to head back into the building. The fire department had given them the all-clear, but Juno hadn’t even noticed, so distracted was he by Nureyev. “Wait, Nureyev! What time?”

“Whenever my dear detective! I assure you, I am free all day!” Nureyev replied, giving a small wave before disappearing into the building.

“So that seemed to go well,” Benten said, reappearing next to Juno and handing him Small Fry’s leash.

“Yeah,” Juno said absently, inwardly panicking at the thought of going over to Peter’s apartment the next day. But there was also a layer of excitement that he couldn’t quite squash. “Yeah, I guess it did.”

- - - - -

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Juno groaned, dropping his face into his palm.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Juno looked up at Peter, ready to snap something petty about how he knows what’s wrong, and it was only cute to play the hapless kitchen idiot the night before at three in the morning while Juno was freezing his tits off on the curb. But Peter looked so legitimately baffled, and the sarcasm dried up in his throat. The man was actually this dumb in the kitchen, so Juno had to play nice.

And it was still kind of cute.

“Okay, Nureyev, let’s start with what’s right  in this kitchen,” Juno said slowly, taking a deep breath and looking around.

There wasn’t much. The entire apartment was sparsely decorated, with no art on the walls and streamlined furniture, empty side tables, and a plain black duvet. Juno felt bad for Peter, that he lived in such dull surroundings.

Finally, his eye landed on an old, beat-up rice maker. It was obviously well-used, but it appeared to work just fine.

“This! You know how to use this, right?” Juno asked, gesturing at the rice maker.

“Of course I do, Juno,” Peter replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

After that, Juno couldn’t find anything else.

“That was one thing,” Peter pointed out, and Juno huffed.

“I know that Nureyev, just look at this,” Juno snapped while he gestured wildly at the handful of utensils on the kitchen island.

There was one metal spatula with a melted handle, two horrifically scratched non-stick pans, one small pot, and a tiny warped plastic cutting board.

“Where are your knives, Nureyev?” Juno asked, gesturing again.

“Oh, I have lots,” Peter replied happily and pulled a knife with a wicked blade out of a concealed holster at his hip.

Juno stared at it for several long moments before glancing up at Peter’s face. After waiting for a punchline, Juno said quietly, “You’re not joking, are you.”

“Why would I joke about this, Juno?” Peter asked, his expression so endearingly confused that Juno was finding it difficult to stay annoyed with him. If anything, it made Juno want to kiss him senseless, and that was completely unhelpful.

“Okay, okay,” Juno finally said, rubbing his face with both hands. “Here’s what we’ll do. We're going to go shopping, get you set up with some basic stuff. Then how about tomorrow evening, you come over to my place for dinner, and I can show you something easy.”

Juno felt his face flush at his wording, especially when Peter raised one perfect eyebrow. Thankfully, Nureyev didn’t go for low-hanging fruit with his humour.

“Shopping together already? How domestic,” Nureyev teased, winking at him as he spun his knife and sheathed it again.

“Don’t look too much into it,” Juno said flatly, trying to calm his wildly beating heart as he went back to the front door to put his shoes on.

The next day, Juno woke up in a panic. He had eight hours to clean his whole apartment and prepare mentally for Peter being there.

The shopping trip the day before had been fun, even if he found it ridiculous that a grown man in his thirties had no idea what a whisk was and that he had to explain why one cannot use metal utensils in non-stick pans. Nureyev had been funny, clever, and engaged the whole time, but he was also an incorrigible flirt.

That did not help his mission to prove two things; firstly, he wasn’t like the other people Peter had dealt with in the past and, secondly, he could be Peter’s friend without hopping into bed with him.

So Juno spent his day furiously scrubbing every surface he could reach, vacuuming the floors and cleaning up Small Fry’s bed. Once everything was clean and practically sparkling, Juno jumped into the shower. If he took extra time shaving his legs and moisturising no one could prove it was for any particular reason.

Same with him changing out his sheets for one of his softest sets. The sheets were dirty and they needed to be changed anyway. Plus, they were soft and his legs were clean-shaven so that they would feel nice at bedtime.

Benten climbed in through his window about forty-five minutes before Peter was set to arrive for their dinner. Looking around, he snorted at the scented candles that were set up around the space and lit. Benten shook his head and began grabbing Small Fry’s leash and other miscellaneous items.

“What, Benten?” Juno asked as he fiddled with his blouse in the full-length mirror on the bathroom door.

“Just think this is a bit much for something supposedly platonic,” Benten replied, sitting down on the edge of Small Fry’s bed and cuddling with her. She mewled in agreement. “The only thing missing from this picture is a box of condoms on the bedside table.”

“Well, it is just a friendly cooking lesson and dinner,” Juno replied defensively, his face almost painfully hot, and Benten made a sceptical noise.

“Then why am I taking Small Fry for the night, Juno?”

“Th-that’s not— it’s just— she would b-be a distraction, you know? And also rabbit hair? In the food?” he said quickly and when Benten smirked knowingly, Juno felt briefly fratricidal. “Just get out of here already. I have other stuff to get done.”

Benten all but cackled as he hooked up Small Fry’s leash and coaxed her out the window and onto the fire escape. He poked his head back in and asked, “you weren’t planning on wearing  that  were you?”

Juno looked down at himself, but before he could ask what was wrong with his outfit, Benten was already gone.

After three outfit changes, Juno settled on one of his more flowy skirts and a black crop top with a wide neckline, allowing for one sleeve to slip down off of his shoulder. This was purely a coincidence, and not at all a planned attempt to maybe entice Peter with his bare neck and shoulder. Juno definitely did not consistently fantasise about Nureyev’s sharp teeth biting him there at all.

When Nureyev arrived, Juno felt ready to claw his way out of his skin. And of course, the moment Juno opened the door; he was immediately regretful of the entire endeavour.

Peter was stunning, as always. His hair was braided loosely, and he wore a pair of very fitted slacks, a lace top under an elaborately embroidered corset, and a perfectly tailored blazer. And those wicked teeth all but shone in the low lighting, distracting Juno completely for several moments.

“May I come in, darling?”

Juno blinked quickly, and when he brought attention back to the man on his doorstep, he felt breathless all over again.

“Y-yeah, of course, yeah,” Juno stammered, stepping aside.

“Thank you. You look gorgeous, my dear,” Peter complimented effortlessly before looking around, grinning at the decor. Notably, the portraits of Small Fry hanging from most available spaces on the walls. “Absolutely charming apartment, Juno.”

“Thanks,” Juno said, feeling himself blush at the compliment. “Here, let me take your coat?”

Juno immediately regretted the offer when Peter immediately took him up on it, and Juno was now stuck seeing him in a completely see-through lace top and corset for the evening. Peter smirked at him and went about wandering around the apartment looking at things while Juno prepped the kitchen.

“Where is Small Fry?” Peter asked, and he legitimately sounded disappointed.

“She’s spending the night with my brother,” Juno replied quickly, even as his hands shook. He looked at Peter and watched him walk across the room to sit down on the edge of Juno’s bed. Swallowing thickly, Juno decided he most definitely imagined the sultry look Nureyev gave him through his lashes.

“So the kiddo is out for the whole night?” Nureyev asked, locking his arms as he leaned back onto his hands, showing off the long, lean line of his body.

Juno’s face felt like it was about to combust, and he cleared his throat. “Yup,” he said, his voice high-pitched and strained. “You know, I have a couch.”

“Yes, and it is a charming couch,” Nureyev acknowledged, smirking when Juno glared at him.

“So why don’t you sit there instead?” Juno asked, turning his attention back to setting up the kitchen.

“Well the couch doesn’t face the kitchen,” Nureyev complained. “How else am I to talk to you, Juno?”

“There’re chairs at the island right here,” Juno countered, biting the inside of his cheek.

“But this is so much comfier.”

At that, Juno looked up and almost choked on his spit. Peter had lowered himself to his elbows and lounged fully across his duvet. All the while, he watched Juno with a teasing gaze.

“Okay, knock it off, Nureyev. Get over here, and I’ll show you how to make a quick meal,” Juno said, swallowing hard to calm himself down.

“I can think of a quick meal I could go for right now,” Peter said, and Juno rolled his eyes at that, even if the comment had heat flashing through him.

“Har har, Nureyev, now are you getting up or not?” Juno asked, and then cringed at his wording. “And don’t  say it. You’re too clever for that easy of a joke.”

“Who says I would be joking, Juno?” Peter asked, but he did stand and join Juno on his side of the island.

“We’re going to start with knife skills. I want you to dice up the sweet potatoes into pieces about the size of the tip of your thumb,” Juno said, ignoring the comment completely and beckoning Nureyev to take his place at the cutting board.

“Oh, Juno, I’m not sure I’m doing this right at all,” Peter said after a few minutes, drawing Juno away from his task of getting spices from the cabinet.

Sure enough, the pieces of sweet potato were all uneven in size, and Nureyev was using the wrong size of knife entirely. When Juno looked at him, Nureyev tucked in tight to the counter and pulled his elbows in snug to his sides, glancing pointedly behind him.

“Come show me?” he said in a suggestive tone with a wink.

Juno rolled his eyes at that, knowing Peter was just messing around and immediately shouldered him out of the way. Juno relished the startled squawk when Nureyev almost tumbled right to the floor.

“Grab another cutting board from the cabinet, and I’ll show you,” Juno replied and began cleaning up the mess Nureyev made of his first sweet potato.

“Oh, okay, of course,” Nureyev said after a moment, and again there was that endearing confusion that had Juno feeling smitten all over again.

After that, Nureyev put on a good show of learning the in’s and out’s of a good tray-bake, his face serious with concentration while Juno explained what herbs he used on the SiMeat versus the spices he used on the vegetables. There was only one more inappropriate joke when Juno brought out the oil, but Juno let it slide because it was quite clever.

When the food was done baking, Juno and Nureyev took their plates to the couch where they argued over what stream to watch before they settled on some period drama set in the 21st century. They barely watched the stream, mostly just eating and talking about themselves.

“So, do you ever sleep?” Juno asked after a while.

“Of course I do, Juno. I don’t sleep for very long, more like little naps every few hours,” Nureyev replied with a chuckle, and his gaze turned suggestive. “I sleep very well after physical exercise, of course.”

Juno bit the inside of his cheek and deposited his plate on the coffee table in front of them before settling back on the couch and crossing his legs.

“Everyone sleeps better after exercise, Nureyev. That’s nothing special,” Juno deflected, snorting at the tease.

“Oh, Juno,” Nureyev laughed, putting his empty plate down as well. He patted Juno’s leg, bare as it was with his skirt hiked up a bit. Juno’s breath stopped in his throat as Nureyev’s hand rested lazily just above Juno’s knee, lingering there while his thumb stroked his skin. “You certainly know how to motivate a man.”

Juno looked up at Peter’s face, and if Juno didn’t know better, he would have said Nureyev’s expression was heated. It was that moment when the scent of Peter’s cologne really hit him, and he was leaning closer without thinking. And perhaps he was beginning to lose it because it really seemed like Nureyev was leaning in as well.

There’s a moment of panicked flailing in Juno’s head at the thought that Peter might kiss him. That Nureyev wanted  to kiss him.

That was too much to think about and hope for, and besides; he still had a point to prove to Benten, Rita, and Buddy.

Juno stood up quickly, smoothing his skirt down and grabbing their plates. “Good job tonight, Nureyev,” he said quickly, hurrying to the kitchen with the plates and utensils.

“Yes, of course, thank you,” Nureyev said, his tone baffled and when Juno looked at him, he caught Nureyev watching him curiously. Then Nureyev smiled warmly, and Juno’s stomach lifted up into his throat like he was in free-fall. “I had an excellent teacher.”

They agreed to meet again the next evening in Nureyev’s apartment, and thus began another month of a whole different sort of torture for one Juno Steel.

After that first night, Nureyev had backed off on the flirting—he was less handsy and spent much less time turning everything Juno said into an innuendo. While he should have felt relieved, Juno found that he was just disappointed, that perhaps he had been misinterpreting it all along. Then there was the consideration that it had been a test, and Juno passed so now Nureyev was being more open and genuine with him.

That didn’t seem like Peter’s style, but he considered it nonetheless. And Peter being open and honest with Juno had a terrible effect on his attempts to not want to sleep with him. After about a week of sharing dinners and late evening conversation, Juno found himself, unfortunately, properly falling for Nureyev.

He began doing things like putting together ingredients and writing out detailed instructions to leave on Nureyev’s doorstep on the evenings they couldn’t have dinner together. And of course, all of the instructions were meticulously handwritten—he didn’t know how to use a computer well enough to type them up, and figuring out the printer was a non-starter.

It was really the only way to do it for Nureyev when he thought about it. Benten saw it a bit differently.

The first time he walked in on Juno hunched over at the counter, scribbling out a recipe in his neatest handwriting, he had immediately begun teasing Juno about it. Supposedly, Juno never did this for anyone, and why doesn’t he just ask Nureyev out, and it was getting pathetic watching them dance around each other. Then that turned into an argument, which turned into Small Fry screaming until they both stopped yelling and doted on her instead.

But between Juno’s caseload and… whatever Nureyev did for a living (Benten was convinced he was a drug dealer, Rita thought he was a “supah spy”), they were seeing less and less of each other. And Peter was a quick learner, which meant that even when they had the time, the excuse about teaching him to cook was becoming flimsier and flimsier.

Rita suggested that Juno just ask him to come over to hang out, but Juno didn’t feel like there was a way to do that without letting on just how far gone he was.

Then Buddy announced her next housewarming party and declared that it was a potluck and cooking competition. Everyone in attendance was required to bring something to share, and the meals would be judged by Jet. Juno was hardly worried, and already had a dish in mind. There were some elements he would have to adjust for certain sensitivities and allergies, which presented a problem for Juno to solve.

He was mulling it over the evening the party was announced when he got home after a particularly lengthy stakeout. Juno’s brain felt like mush, however, so he decided to take a shower.

It was the first properly luxurious shower he had been able to treat himself to in days, and luxuriate he did. Finally, the tension in his shoulders released and Juno felt human again.

When he stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, he let out a startled yelp when he saw someone was in his apartment, trying to sneak out the window.

“Benten, what the hell are you doing?” Juno snapped while he worked to calm his frantically beating heart.

“I was just checking on Princess Small Fry, and also I brought by your laundry,” Benten said quickly, pointing at the basket of clean clothes on the bed. Juno narrowed his eyes at Benten, knowing his brother was lying about something but he couldn’t tell what.

Juno glanced around the apartment, but he couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. “Thanks, Benten,” Juno bit out before waving him off. “Let me get dressed, thanks.”

“Please do!” Benten replied with a mischievous smirk and climbed out the window.

Juno put on a bralette and a pair of tight boxer-briefs and began folding the clothes in the basket. Small Fry had sprawled out across his bed at some point during his shower and was snoring lightly.

“Juno, you have to help me.”

Small Fry snorted as she awoke to the front door swinging open and Juno actually squawked. Startled even further by Juno’s shout, Small Fry kicked out her huge feet and knocked the basket, sending it flying off the end of the bed. Juno scrambled after it, cursing as he bent over and began picking up his clothes off the floor.

It took a few moments for his brain to catch up; there was an intruder, the intruder came through the front door, and Juno was bent over with his back to the door.

Whipping around, Juno’s gaze locked with Peter’s, though his eyes were tracking lower than his face. Juno was so stunned by the intrusion that he stood there watching Peter stare at him, watching the way his dark eyes moved up and down his body.

If Juno didn’t know better, Peter seemed interested.

There was the sound of paper crinkling and Juno realized Nureyev was holding some sort of flier. It was a small noise, but it was enough to break them both out of their trance.

“Nureyev, what the hell--”

“I am  so sorry, Juno, I--”

“Turn around!” Juno finally shouted and Nureyev immediately spun on the spot. It was obvious Peter was blushing, the back of his neck and the tips of his ears a dark red and Juno found it endearing.

He quickly set about pulling on a pair of tights and one of his slouchy sweaters, grumbling, “can’t a lady have some privacy around here?”

“My apologies, Juno, I wouldn’t have barged in like this had I known,” Nureyev said quickly, and Juno scoffed.

“Why the hell would you just walk  into someone’s apartment?” he asked sceptically.

“I stopped by Benzaiten’s place to see if you were in— I had been by earlier and you weren’t home. He told me you were — I mean, he came over to check that you were home, and you were, so he told me to just walk in,” Nureyev explained quickly and Juno rolled his eyes.

Of course, Benten orchestrated this. Then he groaned, tipping his head back as he realized that had been why his brother was in his apartment a few minutes ago; he had been there to unlock the front door. Juno glanced at the window and just barely caught Benten’s face disappearing from view.

“You can turn around, Nureyev,” Juno said as he sat heavily on one of the stools at the island, exhausted from his stakeout and now his brother’s petty prank. “I’m dressed.”

Peter turned around slowly and Juno saw the concern flit across his features. “Juno, are you alright?” he asked as he walked over to sit with him at the island.

“Yeah,” Juno fibbed, sighing and rubbing his face. “Had a long day. What’s up? You said you needed help?”

“That can wait. Have you eaten?” Nureyev insisted, getting up and moving around the island to start looking through his cabinets.

“What are you doing?” Juno asked after a few minutes of watching Peter putter around, his heart racing a bit.

“I’m making you dinner,” Nureyev replied, smiling warmly at him when he pouted. “I’ve had an excellent teacher, and I would like to repay him  somehow .”

“You don’t have to make me dinner, Nureyev,” Juno said weakly, biting the inside of his cheek.

“I know I don’t have to, Juno. I want to,” Peter said earnestly, and Juno felt like butterflies were swarming in his stomach at his smile. “It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done to help me. And also for barging in here and startling poor Small Fry like that.”

It was at that moment that Juno realized Small Fry was snuggled in against the side of Nureyev’s leg, looking up at him with wide eyes full of love. Also desperation for dropped scraps, but it was mostly love. That was another problem for Juno. If he was attached, and the rabbit was attached, that just made the whole situation more complicated.

“And what about barging in on me in my underwear?” Juno asked, and his breath caught in his throat at the intense look he received.

“Unfortunately, I can’t say I’m too sorry for that,” he confessed, and Juno swallowed thickly.

Juno rolled his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek. “Uh-huh, sure. So what did you come by for help on?” he asked, grabbing the piece of paper Nureyev had left on the counter next to him. It was one of the fliers for Buddy’s party and he laughed. “You’re worried about the potluck, Nureyev?”

“Of course I am, Juno! If you don’t recall, it was only a month ago I forced the entire building out of their beds in the middle of the night. Worse than that,  Jet  is the judge and I would like to have  some of my dignity left by the end of the party,” Peter fussed, and his cheeks were pink. Juno couldn’t have helped the fond smile even if he wanted to, and Peter frowned at him. “What?”

“Nothing. Just kinda funny seeing you anxious about something,” Juno admitted, leaning on the counter with his elbow, his chin in his hand. “It’s cute. You’re usually so, I don’t know--”

“Arrogant? Conceited?” Nureyev supplied, chuckling.

“I was going to say ‘sure of yourself’ or ‘confident’, but yeah, I guess those work, too,” Juno teased with an eye-roll.

“Well, will you help me?” Peter prompted, and Juno shrugged.

“Let me eat dinner, and we’ll see how much help you actually need, okay?”

They passed the time after that relatively quietly, Peter occasionally supplying conversation about his day, and how his week had been.

Soon enough, though, Juno had a full plate of pasta in front of him and Peter was sitting down next to him. Peter was watching him closely as Juno lifted the first forkful to his mouth, and for a moment Juno considered messing with him a bit.

But he looked so anxious, his face an open book for anyone to read, and Juno felt that ache in his heart sharpen.

“This is really good, Nureyev,” Juno said, completely honest as he shovelled another forkful into his mouth. “You really don’t need any help.”

“But what do I  make ?” Nureyev asked, even as he preened under the compliment.

“I’ll get you the recipe for one of Jet’s favourites if you want,” he replied, and he couldn’t help the sad note to his voice. “But you’ve honestly graduated from my lessons.”

There was a beat of silence before Peter asked, “Juno, are you alright?”

“Yeah, Nureyev, I’m fine,” he said before shrugging. “Just started to enjoy your company a bit.”

“Why wouldn’t you be continuing to enjoy my company?”

Juno looked at him sharply and the man’s obvious bewildered confusion had him faltering for a moment. “Because you were coming over to learn to cook, and now you know how?” Juno replied haltingly and frowned at Nureyev’s bark of laughter.

“Juno, did you think I was truly coming over here almost daily just to learn to cook?” Nureyev asked, and then he placed his hand on top of Juno’s where it sat on the counter holding his fork. “I was interested in learning, and I’m grateful for everything you have taught me, but you have to know my actual intentions.”

At that, Juno just blinked at him, and Nureyev laughed a bit.

“I thought asking to teach me how to cook was a line of some sort, and I was sure you were going to make a move that first night,” Nureyev explained in a rush and Juno scrunched up his face.

“So it  was a test,” he muttered and Nureyev laughed again.

“No, Juno! I was very much  wanting  you to make a move,” Nureyev groaned, pushing his glasses up a bit to massage the bridge of his nose.

“What?” Juno asked flatly.

“Juno, darling,” Nureyev said, dropping his hand to meet Juno’s gaze firmly. “I have been  hopelessly smitten with you since your beautiful Small Fry ripped my hand open with her impressive set of teeth.”

“You needed  two stitches ,” Juno snapped before the rest of the sentence landed in his head. “Oh… but you… the fake name. I thought… ?”

“Yes, the fake name and the blunder. I wanted you to feed me some cheesy pick-up line and ask me out, and in the confusion of all the blood, and the rabbit,” Nureyev sighed. “Like I said, I panicked.”

“Oh my god,” Juno groaned, tipping his head back with a laugh. “Benten’s not gonna let me live this one down.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Just a dumb, stupid point I was trying to prove to my brother,” Juno sighed heavily before looking back at Nureyev’s face. “I told him I would prove to him that I could be friends with hot people without impulsively sleeping with them.”

“Oh? And when did this wager happen?” Nureyev asked, an amused smirk spreading across his face.

“When I saw you at Buddy’s housewarming party for the first time,” Juno admitted in a strained voice, and he couldn’t help his own chuckle when Nureyev laughed. With a sigh, he asked, “is there any chance I didn’t completely blow it?”

“Juno,” Nureyev started, lifting his hand to cup Juno’s cheek, and his smile was so fond it knocked the breath out of his lungs. “I’m not sure it would have been possible for you to ‘blow it.’ I am still very interested in more than just cooking lessons.”

Juno furrowed his brow, searching Nureyev’s face, tilting his head against his hand. Throwing whatever caution he ever entertained to the wind, Juno pressed forward for a kiss. Nureyev opened for it with a sigh, moving his hand to hold the back of Juno’s head and pull him in closer.

There was a moment when everything was perfect, and Nureyev was pulling him in close. Juno began grasping at Nureyev’s clothes, almost moving to crawl into his lap as those sharp teeth bit into his bottom lip. He was ready to drag Nureyev to the bed and be done with their stupid accidental game of cat and mouse.

And then Small Fry began wailing, startling them apart and Juno looked for her wildly. She was sitting next to her food bowl with the closest thing to a glare a rabbit could manage, and then she kicked it over with a loud clatter.

“Okay,” Juno said breathlessly, nodding determinedly. He looked at Peter. “I’m going to feed her and take her next door. You stay here, and we’ll… figure out the rest of our evening?”

Nureyev smirked and pressed a chaste kiss to Juno’s cheek. “That sounds perfect, Juno.”

“That’s great,” Juno said with a nod, smiling as he set about getting Small Fry’s food. “That’s perfect.”

The next day Juno tried to be grumpy about the mess in the kitchen, and he tried to be grumpy at Benten’s smug smirk when he picked Small Fry up well after breakfast while he sported several brand new hickeys.

But he couldn’t deny how much he enjoyed himself, nor how good his sleep had been afterward.

 FIN

[definitelynottony]

Hi! Could you do prompts #20 and #43??? :)

Of course! This definitely turned into something way longer than I thought it would have lol. The whole story is kind of Billy's way of comforting Steve after their fight but then I added a little bit more at the end to really imply the prompt. Hope you enjoy it! 

#20: "How the fuck do you keep getting in my house?"

#43: comfort after a fight

Steve suddenly woke from yet another good dream turned bad. Body hot and slick from sweat, not sure if that's from the good part or the bad parts though. He even left his bat by his bed tonight for some comfort but it didn't help. Maybe it's due to the fact that he had that fight with Nance today? Or cause the kids have been talking about all that D&D crap lately? Or possibly, probably, it's definitely Billy's fault. 

Billy Hargrove, god seriously even thinking about him right now sends a chill through Steve. A hurricane in his gut, sets a fire loose in his veins. What he would do if he was here right now, the asshole.

They had that fight only a couple months back now, in November. Ever since then Billy had been, well… Let's just say entirely too friendly. The entire thing left Steve with whiplash. Steve never knew what he was going to get. Some days Billy would ignore him, which would have been fine with Steve. Especially considering he had to get stitches from that damn plate to his head. But it was the other days that got him, those days where Billy would just watch him. Or when he'd corner him when he was alone, in the locker room or in the parking lot. The first time it was to apologize. Whether it was a bat almost crushing his balls or a miraculous change of heart, Billy did apologize to Steve for that night. Said something along the lines of:

"It wasn't anything personal Harrington. I was angry to begin with and you were a pretty punching bag. When you hit back and I saw that fire in ya I- I just got carried away. Okay. I'm sorry, alright?" 

Needless to say Steve was so taken aback from the whole outburst that he basically just nodded in understanding. I mean the guy apologized, right? That's what Steve was waiting for (wasn't holding his breath but hopeful?) Plus he sort of just like...complimented him in a weird roundabout way so, yeah. That was that. There was no further discussion, no let's shake hands or let's be friends from now on. Just radio silence for a solid week afterwards.

But then it started, Billy that is. Billy started this new game of cat and mouse, hot and cold. Whatever you want to call it. He drove Steve bonkers with it. In the beginning he waited until he was alone and just started talking. Like they were friends?

"Good game Harrington. You're jump shots were fire today. And your defense game, you're finally planting your feet huh?." 

"Uh. Yeah, thanks man. You too I guess, good game." 

And that chatter slowly turned into Billy finding him in the hallway:

"Yo Harrington, you dropped this."

"Oh, thanks. Uh, wait this isn't mi-" 

Billy had left before Steve finished. Billy handed him a folded note, 'Under bleachers. 1:15'. Steve read it a few times with furrowed brows. This was either the part where Billy finishes the job and kills him or… well Steve didn't have an alternative but at 1:10 he made his way outside to the bleachers. It was his free period so it was either catching up on homework or quenching his curiosity. 

"So why exactly am I here?" Steve confronted Billy who was sitting stretch out smoking. He didn't respond to the brunette, just smirked and held out the joint. Steve starred between the roll and Billy but he shrugged and sat beside him and took it.

"I seriously don't get you Hargrove." 

"Nothing to get man. Told ya it was nothing personal." 

"Yeah but even before that shit you were like, I don't know, hassling me." 

"Cause you're fun to mess with princess. You make it too easy man. And the way your face gets, and your eyes get all wide. The shit was priceless pretty boy." 

Steve passed the joint back, 

"Whatever man. Fuck you." 

"That a threat or are you offering Harrington?" 

Steve choked on the smoke, eyes like saucers staring at Billy. The blonde smirked with sharp teeth before laughing, 

"See, too easy." 

"Yeah, no, fuck off man." But Steve kind of laughed too, not that he would admit it. Billy knocked into his shoulder before passing the joint back. 

Then that sort of became their thing. Billy would toss his head to Steve in passing or he would stop him and just tease him or compliment him. But that bitterness, the bite that was there before the showdown wasn't there. It was like a completely different person. Or more like Billy was the same person, he just stopped being an ass to Steve. Cause to everyone else, especially Tommy, he was still that brash jerk. 

"Hey Harrington! Think with all daddy's money you could just pay people to be your friends instead of being Wheeler's and Byers' little bitch." Tommy H. taunted. 

"Seriously Tommy, shut the fuck up." Steve flipped him off trying to walk away from the whole situation. 

"Hey Hall! You'd think with a mother like yours you'd have a bigger dick, but I guess you'll just never be half the man she is." 

Billy joined Steve's side. That little comment earned him a crowd's worth of 'oo's' and snickers from their peers. Tommy flipped Billy off and tucked his tail. More importantly it earned Billy a smirk and side glance from Steve. 

"You didn't have to do that. I know you and Tommy were friends or whatever." Steve stopped when they reached the BMW. 

"Didn't do nothing pretty boy. Plus Tommy and I were never friends. Can barely stand that guy man. You, you and me are friends." Billy stated as if he was saying 'the sky is blue' or 'water is wet'. So matter of fact that Steve almost believed him. 

"We're not friends though?" 

"Wow Stevie, you wound me. I share with you my weed and defend your honor, let you copy my homework and you just toss me aside like the broccoli they give you with Chinese take out." 

That sarcasm earned Billy a full on laugh, and it was beautiful. Steve bit his smile back and just shook his head. 

"You're actually crazy Hargrove." 

"And you're actually gorgeous Harrington." 

Steve blinked waiting for the punchline but Billy just kept smirking that sharp grin, licked his lips and Steve totally watched as he did it. 

"What…?" 

"Thought we were just stating facts amigo." 

"Oh, uh… you- you're not so bad yourself? I guess?" Steve floundered but Billy seemed to take it in stride. 

"Come on princess. Take me back to your place and I'll ignore your horrible compliment skills and share more of my weed with you." 

Billy invited himself and got into Steve's car.

So he guess they were friends now? 

Fast forward two months to the present day Steve, sweating and huffing out of a bad dream. A dream that started with him making out nice as can be with his lover, that turned to Nancy yelling at him for being with said lover to Nancy and his boyfriend getting eaten by demidogs. He woke out of  the nightmare but it's a bang from downstairs that actually woke him up. So he grabs the nail bat and heads down the staircase. He'd probably be more hesitant if he didn't already have a hunch as to what the noise was, or more appropriately who was making it.

"That you Hargrove?" Steve squinted his eyes in the darkness of his kitchen before switching on the light.

"Yeah it's me pretty boy, don't cream your pants."

"Dude, I could have killed you." 

"Yeah, you say that every time man. But, like, your catchphrase is getting kind of old fast especially since you haven't actually killed me yet." 

"Well maybe if you stopped sneaking into my damn house I wouldn't have to keep saying it! This is like the fifth time Billy! How the fuck do you keep getting in my house?"

"It really ain't that hard princess. Those locks on the windows ain't much ya'know. Just takes a pocket knife and some lean muscles." 

"You're serious? You know you're literally confessing to breaking and entering." 

"Didn't break anything." 

"What was that bang then?" 

"That was your care package." 

"Care- what? Billy why did you bring me a fucking care package at two in the morning?" Steve asked with little patience. 

"Jesus. I just wanted to be a good fucking boyfriend and comfort you man. Heard you and Wheeler had a fight earlier at lunch. Figured you'd be all bent out of shape about it." 

And they might have only been together for a month now but Billy seems to get Steve so well. He sighed before leaning the bat against the wall. 

"So what did you bring me?" He grinned crowding into Billy's space. Billy wrapped his arms around Steve's trimmed waist. 

"Me, I'm your care package." 

"God, I need to get better locks." Steve groaned into Billy shoulder.

"Or you can just give me some keys." 

"Not happening Hargrove." He lifted his head just to roll his eyes at the blonde.

"What, you don't trust me? That's-" 

"Do you ever stop talking?" 

"Mmm- make me princess." 

"I thought you said you came here to make me feel better." 

"Oh I am. I'm gonna make you feel so good baby." 

Billy growled low, that heat resettled into Steve's body. It hypnotized Steve, forced him to surge into a heated kiss that Billy instantly returned.

"Well what are you waiting for? You know the way around Hargrove."

[solynaceawrites]

Wires [2]: Defensive Wounds

Rating: Mature Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death Categories: F/F, F/M Fandom: Devil May Cry Relationships: Dante/Original Female Character(s), Implied Nero/Kyrie, Implied Vergil/Original Female Character(s), Implied Lady/Trish, Dante/Lirael Thorne, Dante/Lir Characters: Dante, Morrison, Nero, Original Female Character(s), Lirael Thorne, Lir Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Violence, Gore, Dark, Horror, Supernatural Elements, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Serial Killers, Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut Summary: In Red Grave City, a serial killer stalks the streets. Lirael Thorne, recently transferred from Fortuna and looking for an escape from her past, winds up on his trail. Hunting him with her veteran partner, Dante Redgrave, they try to piece together the wires that bind the three of them together. In a race to catch him before he leaves more victims in his wake, the things thought buried will come to the surface, tearing lives and comfort apart.

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“Agonies are one of my changes of garments, I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person, My hurts turn livid upon me as I lean on a cane and observe.” — Walt Whitman

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The morgue is cool and quiet, gleaming metal polished to a shine that sends little daggers of light into Lir’s eyes. She gives herself a moment to adjust, listening to the faint tic tic tic of the freezers, fingering the bottle of aspirin in her pocket while she waits to see if the subtle pressure in her skull is going to shift from discomfort to agony. Next to the door is a desk, with a state of the art computer, a few files, a cup full of pens, and a half-drunk cup of coffee with lipstick on the rim; beyond that, there is another door, one that probably leads to a storage room, two walls of cold lockers in four rows of four, and two x-ray displays on the final wall. In the center of the room are three slabs. On one of them is the Jane Doe, covered respectfully with a sheet, her eyes closed to give her an expression of peace. At her side is Trish, her blonde hair pulled into a knot at the top of her head and her face partially obscured by a sterile mask that she tugs down on Lir’s approach.

“Thorne,” she greets cheerfully. “You here for the autopsy report?” Lir nods, and Trish beckons her closer. “You’re right on time. Just got done with our guest.”

Lir isn’t sure what to make of having a corpse called a guest. Gallows humor, she supposes. “What can you tell me about her?”

“She suffered, that’s for certain.” Trish turns on the light over the slab and pulls it down, illuminating the Jane Doe with a grisly, fluorescent white that turns her already dead pallor a sickly blue-gray. Then she pulls the sheet down, and Lir is suddenly, incredibly grateful that she hasn’t eaten yet, the bile in her throat bitter but weak. “The throat and abdominal trauma was all perimortem. She was alive, but not struggling, when our killer cut her open. Judging from the tissue damage, looks like the throat happened first, but it was ultimately shock and blood loss that killed her.”

“She was alive for the whole thing?”

“Mm-hm. Though I don’t know how aware of it she was. I don’t have the toxicology report yet—that will take a little longer to run, sorry—but pupil dilation is indicative of intoxication. Judging from the depth of the gash here,” Trish points to Jane Doe’s throat, “it was more to keep her quiet than kill her. She would have bled out from that alone eventually if no one found her first, but it doesn’t go through bone. The hesitation marks at the edges make me think he was more . . . Well, there’s no easy way to say this. Probably sawed through her.”

Lir tries to picture it, being too strung out or drunk to defend herself, being helpless while some maniac slashed her throat and cut her open like a butcher. From the corner of her eye, she catches sight of a red dress and pale hair and holds her breath, counting to ten until it fades, then asks, “You said at the scene there weren’t any defensive wounds.”

“That’s right. And there aren’t. No blood or tissue under her nails, no bruising or scrapes or cuts to show that she tried to fight back.” Trish sighs, lifting the sheet back over Jane Doe before tugging off her gloves. “Whoever this is, they’re one sick puppy.”

“Yeah.” Photographs on the wall catch her attention, and Lir walks over to study them closely. They’re all from the crime scene, some of little bits of evidence next to their markers, others of the victim, and it’s the latter she really looks at. “Does that pendant have any religious connotations?”

“You’d have to check. Why?”

“I just thought she looks kind of like an angel.”

Trish comes to stand next to her, her expression grave. “You know, I had the same idea.”

They stand in a heavy silence, the clock on the wall ticking loudly until Lir sighs. She bids farewell to Trish, who promises to have the full report to her by the end of the day, and takes the elevator back up to the bullpen. Dante will no doubt want to know what she’s learned, but she finds that she doesn’t quite want to tell him. Something about this all is nagging her, tugging the thin strands of her memory with an urgency, look, look, you’ve seen this before, even though she’s fairly certain that she never has. Was there a similar case in Fortuna? So lost in wracking her thoughts she nearly runs right into Simmons as she steps off the elevator, and she mumbles an apology and returns to her desk, where she boots up the computer, hunting for a notepad and a pen while she waits for it to finish loading.

A cup of coffee thudding next to her elbow has her peering up. Dante sits back down, a cup of his own in his hand that he raises to her before he takes a sip. His face screws up in disgust. “Fuck. No matter how long I’m here, coffee still tastes like shit. What’d Trish say?”

“That we’d have the full report soon,” Lir replies. She finds what she was looking for and logs into the terminal. “Victim was slaughtered like livestock and left to die. Too something to even try to save her own life.”

“That all?” 

She’s aware of his gaze, critical and assessing on her, and it makes her skin flush unpleasantly. “Until toxicology comes back.”

With a nod, he leans back in his seat. “Alright. What are your thoughts?”

Now you want to know? she nearly asks. Rubbing her temples, she replies instead, “Our guy is bold. A nightclub on one side, a bar on the other, people coming and going at all hours? Not to mention, he had to have been familiar with the location to avoid the security camera, if he did. Speaking of, is that footage here yet?” Dante shakes his head. “Right. Okay. So, Jane Doe was probably at one of the two places. Why risk dragging her any farther than that? And he had to get her to go with him somehow. A knife or a gun would have been too obvious, even for a crowded bar.”

“Could’ve posed as a hook-up,” Dante suggests.

“Mm. If she wasn’t drunk, he might have drugged her.”

“Drugs?”

“Her pupils were blown.”

“So,” he says slowly, “we’ve got a bold, possibly attractive killer who goes to bars to pick up women. Think he knew the vic?”

Lir realizes suddenly that he’s testing her, digging to see her worth, and it makes her angry all over again. “No, too risky. He’s got balls, but he’s not an idiot. All this planning, all the care he took, he wouldn’t want to leave any trace of himself, and that means he was probably a stranger and he picked her out when he got there. If it hadn’t been her, it would have been someone else.”

“Opportunistic. Well, shit. Means he’s gonna be a bitch to find.” He offers her a crooked grin that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Want to flip a coin to see who’s givin’ Morrison the news?”

“You do it. I need to look for something.”

Dante frowns then, but the expression is quickly smothered as he stands. He takes his coffee with him into Morrison’s office; once the door is closed firmly behind him, Lir releases a sigh and slumps in her chair, cradling her head in her hands. This was meant to be a new beginning for her. Get out of Fortuna, away from the good-intentioned but condescending men she worked with, leave the bitter break-up and the cramped apartment behind her to set out in the bigger city. Yet here she is, dealing with condescending men, living in an apartment that’s large enough to feel empty, with a killer that she knows she has an infinitesimally small chance of catching on her hands. Maybe I’ll get a cat, she thinks, and then discards it. She’s going to be too busy to give any pet the love it would deserve.

Lir pulls up the database and enters her credentials, watching the wheel spin as the program decides whether or not she’s allowed in. Once it opens, she navigates to the search bar, where she types evisceration, hoping the term will be narrow enough to ping any cases that might have been similar. All she gets are animal cruelty cases, youths torturing cats and dogs, and she groans. Next is religious, but that doesn’t get her anything other than some fraud. Jane Doe is too broad, while trying by location only gets her arrests for petty theft, assault, and drunk and disorderlies. Her fingers drum on her desk as she thinks; maybe, if whatever it is that she thinks she remembers was before her time in the force, it would have been before they started digitizing their records. 

Which would mean figuring out the location and then digging through that city’s physical files.

She pinches the bridge of her nose. Most of what she said to Dante was speculation, and she knows that they’re going to spend at least a week trying to identify their victim and looking for anyone who might have seen her, tracking down friends and acquaintances and ex-boyfriends to see if any of them had the fury and the cruelty needed to butcher someone like that. If they’re lucky, she’ll have gotten into some sort of trouble with the law and there will be prints they can match. If they’re unlucky, it’s beating the streets, shoving her photograph in people’s faces to try and jar their memory.

“Detective?” Lir opens her eyes to find Simmons standing next to her, a USB stick in his hand. “The nightclub owner sent this over. Said it’s all the footage from the last twenty-four hours and you wanted it?”

He sounds uncertain, and she forces herself to smile. “Yeah, thanks. While I’ve got you here, can I ask a favor?” Hesitantly, he nods. “Head down to the morgue to get the victim’s prints from Trish and run ‘em, will you? It’s a long shot, but it might help us figure out who she is.”

Simmons doesn’t look like he finds the idea appealing, but he gives a weak salute and heads down the stairs. Lir watches him until he disappears into the elevator, and then she plugs the USB into her computer and opens the files to scroll through it. Twenty-four hours of hopefully unaltered footage stored in four hour chunks which, when she clicks on the first video to play it, turn out to be monochrome and grainy. She fights through the urge to yank her hair, instead getting up and going to grab a fresh cup of coffee from the canteen. After a moment of hesitation, she takes the entire pot, setting a second one to brew; this is going to be an all-nighter for sure, and the only thing that’s going to get her through it is enough caffeine to make her jittery.

Dante is back at his desk when she returns. He arches a brow at the sight of her with the pot, but that turns into a loud groan as she says, “Footage got here. All twenty-four hours worth. Want to grab a seat?”

“There’s a meeting room we can use,” he mutters. “Bigger screen. Grab it and let’s go. Is that all the coffee?”

“For now.”

His long-suffering sigh draws an unwilling smile from her. Dante leads her down a hallway to a room mostly taken up by a large oval table surrounded by plush leather chairs, and he sinks into one as she sets up the monitor on the wall and gets the USB situated. “Ready?”

“Not really.”

“Tough shit.” She chuckles and presses play.

Hours pass as they work through both the footage and the coffee, pausing only when they catch sight of a pale-haired woman before slumping back in disappointment and carrying on. Morrison stops by once to check on them, then Simmons with the news that the prints were a dead end, and finally Trish with her full report, toxicology included. None of them linger for more than a few minutes at most. Dante and Lir alternate bathroom breaks and coffee runs, neither of them willing to stop the tape until it’s done. Like ripping a bandaid off, she thinks at one point, stifling a yawn before taking a large swig of her lukewarm coffee. Get it over with in one go, no hesitation. 

It’s just passed four in the morning when Dante lurches in his seat. “Pause it, pause it!” Lir jumps, pressing quickly on the remote, and he squints. “Rewind it a bit. There, stop, stop. Press play.”

“What is—oh!” She scrambles for the file on the table, flipping it open so she can see the picture of Jane Doe clipped to the inside. Pulling it free, she holds it up, glancing between it and the screen. “It’s her.”

“Mm. Looks like . . .” He leans forward, his eyes narrowed as his lips move silently. “Two?”

Lir blinks, then turns her laugh into a rough cough. “No. It’s, uh . . . It’s 3:37.”

Dante scowls at her as he reaches into the pocket of his vest to pull out a pair of square glasses, the style just as noir as his clothing. He perches them on his nose, then nods. “Yeah. Alright. So our victim walked into the club at 3:37 am. Since her body was found at quarter to eight, means there’s a five hour window for our killer to have found her and pulled her into the alley.”

“That’s if you don’t remove however long she was in the bar and the killer leaving,” Lir points out.

He clicks his tongue. “Don’t be a wiseass, Thorne. It’s not cute.”

“I’m not here to be cute,” she replies irritably. 

“Shame.” Just as she’s debating dumping her coffee on him, he asks, “There a way to print this? We’ll take it with her autopsy photo and show it to the staff at the club, see if any of ‘em remember her. Maybe she paid with a credit card, which’d give us a name.”

“You plannin’ to sleep tonight?” she asks dryly.

“Sleep when you’re dead, Thorne. Print and let’s go.”

Biting her tongue, she heads back to the computer attached to the monitor and screenshots the frozen video. Once it’s in her hands, the two of them head out back, where the employee lot is, and Dante leads her to a car that she recognizes from her childhood. Her mouth drops open as she takes in the ‘58 Corvette, the same type her father had often talked dreamily of owning when he retired, the black paint and white cut-outs glossy in the early dawn light. The top is closed against the dew, but she can still make the red leather interior, and she laughs incredulously when Dante unlocks it. “Seriously?”

“You can take a cab if you like,” he replies tightly.

Lir closes her mouth and climbs in, looking around curiously. The seats are incredibly comfortable, and it doesn’t seem like Dante has done any upgrading to it at all: the gearshift is still topped by a clean white knob, and the only source of sound is the radio, the knob of which Dante turns until classical rock filters softly through the speakers. A good car is like a good woman, her father had told her two months before his death, holding her in his lap as he pointed to the yellowed magazine, treat her right and she’ll stick with you for life. She’d put the damned ad in his casket before they buried him, and Lir closes her eyes against both the unwelcome sting of tears and the sight of him with his misshapen head on the silk pillow. Botched robbery, her mother said tearfully. Throat closed with sudden grief, just as sharp as it had been then, Lir hardly notices when they pull away from the curb.

“She’s beautiful,” she whispers.

Dante’s startled silence is the only reply she gets.

[gustafsnightangel]

Shattered Lives Ch 18 Pt 1

He woke with a start as Sildie’s alarm screeched on the nightstand. Watched as her arm reached out, a hand hitting it hard to shut it up, Lily’s faint cry as it had woken her too.

“It’s ok Lily.” He murmured pulling Sildie closer to him.

“Morning love.” He said sleepily and kissed the nape of her neck as he nuzzled her awake.

“Morning.” She sighed and stretched out like a cat ready to curl up in the sun for a nap. She turned in his arms to face him and smiled at Lily’s dad dad as she kissed him sweetly. She loved waking up to him.

“I’ll get Lily.” He said softly and kissed her deeply. “You hop in the shower and lawyer up.” He grinned and kissed her with all the love he couldn’t put into those three little words.

“Are you sure?” She asked softly, a finger tracing the line of his jaw.

“All part of the package deal.” He kissed her again. “It’s why I’m here after all, to help out. Get in the shower.” He kissed her tenderly and pulled the covers back dragging her out of bed with him.

“Bubble had to burst sometime.” She mumbled as he picked Lily up and held her close. Kissing the tiny child on the cheek she made her way to a hot shower. His hand caught her gently and tugged her to him.

“It did, but I’ll be here when you get home tonight.” He said toying with her hair and chuckled at Lily’s chattering at both of them. “At least I can get your Monday off to a good start.”

She kissed him longingly. “Thank you. For being you, for being here.”

“Wouldn’t be anywhere else love.” He kissed her brow and she squeezed his hand before dropping it and heading to the bathroom.

Gustaf was sitting with the boys all showered and partly dressed by the time Sildie was lawyered up and out of the bedroom. She didn’t have to rush today as he was taking care of Lily and it was amazing how that alone made the morning easier. They sat as a family for breakfast and life seemed more settled today she thought as she watched them, still hectic but settled. Maybe having him here all the time would keep that streak going. Gustaf wasn’t though she noticed, he was still on edge about something. Talk to me love she said silently, at some point please talk to me.

He helped get Lily and the boys ready and soon they were standing on her threshold. The morning was so normal he grinned, he wanted this as a permanent thing so badly. He had his own grief and baggage to take care of first though.

“I’ll see you guys tonight ok?” He said to the boys and the twins hugged him tightly.

“Bye love.” He murmured and kissed her sweetly, that glacier blue looking back. “I’ll probably be next door when you get back, send a messenger if I’m still over there ok?” He smiled.

“Will do.” She kissed him and lingered. She sighed, she had to get her ass in the elevator even though she wanted to stay with him. It was going to be a long day and she groaned as he closed her door. The weekend was just too damn short.

He didn’t bother taking a shower yet, he had work to do, physical and emotional. Collecting his clothes he dumped them by the door ready to take home, tidied up from breakfast, and set the dishwasher to run. Padding home in bare feet he threw a load of laundry on and stood facing the bag ready to work.

Sildies words from the weekend stuck with him. You are enough, you are everything to me.

“How can I be enough when I can’t tell you I love you?” He whispered and wrapped his hands. “When I can’t get past it, past her.” He pulled the gloves on with an anger and frustration that was ready to explode out of him. “How do I get past her?” He spat and slammed his fist into the bag. “I’m not what she tried to make me.” He voiced with authority and started to pound out his frustration.

Chest heaving, arms and legs lethargic he sank to his knees and rested his head against the bag a good hour and a half later. The answers weren’t coming, he was just angry and bitter pounding nothing but self loathing and regret into a bag full of sand. He ripped the gloves off and threw them into the corner of the room, disgusted with himself. “Can’t even answer my own fucking questions.” He roared, sweat pouring off him.

He stomped out of his home gym and took a shower, it didn’t ease his smoldering temper or internal frustration. He angrily made tea, the teapot and cup taking a beating and had it not been a favorite of his bought in Ireland it would have been smashed against the wall.

He sat in sweats and a t shirt with his tea and pulled his notebook out of his messenger bag. There was too much to process, too much crowding his mind to think clearly, and he needed to clear all the crap out and analyze it a piece at a time. His relationship with Sildie and the kids far too important for him not to fix himself, not to find those answers.

He started by listing everything Ana put him through. The manipulation, the way she twisted every truth from his lips into something that only benefited her own cause. Used lies to push everyone he loved away from him, alienated him until he was begging for her to give him something. The negativity, the emotional blackmail, the vindictiveness.

His pen paused and he took a shuddered breath as all those emotions started flooding into him, memories and anger he’d much rather bury and ignore, much rather forget. Let’s face it, he thought, that’s what I have been doing for the past year, ignoring it in the hopes it would just go away. He let the tears come as he continued to write, with no one there to see him crumble it was easier to let it go. No one to be judgemental, no one to see how weak she’d made him. He would get it out of his head, out of his soul and he would deal with it. Head on, no excuses, no holding back. Enough was enough.

The way she’d chipped away at his self worth eventually making him feel as if he was worthless, useless. Destroying him until he was a shadow of himself. Nothing but a husk of his former self staring back at him in the mirror. That line of thinking had to stop, it had to end.

He kept writing through it all, the tears, the anger, the pain, the regret, his own shitty choices. He let it well up, the soul destroying pain of self doubt, trust, or rather, lack there of, he didn’t trust himself. Pages and pages flowed from him until he dropped his pen and stretched his hand hours later.

He pushed the notebook across the table away from him as if it was poison and let out a careful breath. He sat there staring at it as he reached out a hand to pick up his cold tea and it shook. Snatching it back he swore and breathed. “Just breathe.” He whispered, it was more a shudder than anything. “Breathe.” He let himself settle enough to take a mouthful of cold tea to wash away the bitter taste of the memories he was plowing through before he looked at the notebook again.

He slapped a palm down on it and pulled it to him, bracing to release more of her venom, to deal with the toxic waste of what she left behind. Opening it he grabbed the pen and continued. He wasn’t fucking done with her shit, and had to keep going. He was going to lance this wound and dig it out of himself if it took all fucking day, all week.

“You are not what you made me Ana. I’m so much more than that.” He mumbled as he scratched those words deep into the paper.

“I’m done with your lies and how they still make me feel. I’m done with your doubt in me, you don’t matter anymore.” He choked on the last four words and scratched them down.

“You don’t matter anymore because I’m worth more than what you turned me into.” He let the tears come again freely and continued, words his only antidote, facing his fears head on the only way to say those three words he longed to say to Sildie. She deserved them.

He stared at his phone as it vibrated and ignored it for the moment. Getting this out was priority.

“You’re not going to make me feel worthless because I’m not. I’m not going to let you fucking win. You destroyed me once, you’re not taking me down a second time.” The rage seeped in now, the mind numbing all consuming rage at what he’d let her do to him, what he’d let happen to himself. “You’re not coming between what me and Sildie have.”

He channeled it into his words. Words that he’d say to Ana if she was sitting across from him. Pushing the grief and guilt outward toward the person it needed to be aimed at instead of inward at himself.

Sure, he fucked up, plenty of times he was human after all, but he didn’t deserve it to be thrown back at him time and time again until she got her own way. Every minor thing, every conversation, every word, every action. And he’d let it happen, he’d let her scream at him, throw shit, chip away at his resolve, his self worth, his self respect. In the end it was easier than fighting her and eventually turned into self loathing. He hated himself, he started to hate his job, hated what he was becoming but unable to get her claws out of his skin.

The way she’d bitched and complained about his job, him being away for long periods of time. It was his career, he was good at it and he loved it and she’d made it unbearable for him. The way she manipulated him, came between him and Alex nearly destroying their bond, hurting his sister Eija. He’d never forgive her for that. Her and her boyfriend at the time were happy until Ana had got him drunk, lied to him, and slept with him. Their relationship didn’t last after that and Eija was heartbroken, she didn’t speak to Gustaf for months. Alex had brushed it off with his usual bravado but under it he knew he’d hurt him too.

Tears streamed down his face and he let them fall, the memories painful and deep, shattering him all over again. He’d hurt his baby sister, indirectly, but hurt her all the same. The cheating hadn’t stopped there either. He knew there were more but couldn’t prove it. He tried to be understanding, tried to make it work, be better for her.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and kept at it, pulling memory after memory from his mind and tattooing it onto the page. The emotions he felt, the anger he felt, the necessary steps to make it right with the people he loved. He’d already apologized to his brother and sister but he felt he needed them to hear him out, work through it again.

He flipped to a new page, rested the pen in the spine and pushed it forward. He knew he wasn’t done but he needed food and a break. Remembering his phone vibrating earlier he picked it up to see a message from Sildie.

To me you are enough.

She knew, the woman just knew he was struggling, knew just what he needed. He sat there sobbing until he cursed himself and pulled it together. He was a fucking wreck.

“I’m so in love with you.” He murmured, the words didn’t come easy as he poured the boiling water over the tea leaves. “I’m working on being able to say that to you love.” He breathed out looking to the heavens. His statement went unanswered as he sat and ate. “Even if it tears me apart to get to it.”

He thought about Sildie, how different she was from Ana. He wasn’t comparing the two but he needed to take note of their differences for his own sanity not all women were like Ana and he needed to get that straight in his head. He pulled the notebook toward him and hesitated.

“No, no stopping, no going back.” He growled, shaking his head, and put pen to paper. “All of it.”

He found writing about Sildie made him feel lighter. His true feelings why he loved her. Her kindness of putting those kids before herself. Not just occasionally, every second of every day. The way she’d drop everything for him if he called her right now and said he needed her. How she listened to him, listening not judging, cared about what he was saying, how he was feeling. The little things like flowers to lift his spirits in a hotel room when he was freaking out. He smiled at that memory.

He flipped to the back of the notebook and found the daisy he’d pressed between the pages from her gift in his hotel room. He placed it gently on the table and went in search for another notebook, he found this current book to be suddenly too toxic for something so heartfelt. Opening the new leather bound book he slipped the flower into the back cover pocket, the boudoir shots in the front and smiled.

“Much better.” He muttered closing the new book and placing it in his messenger bag. A new book for happier thoughts. He wrote about how Sildie made him feel, how he wanted to say those words to her. His dreams for them. His pen jerked to a stop as his mind went to a future with her. Would he ask her to marry him, have children, move in with him? Did he want kids with her, a life with her? Was she his forever?

“Yes.” He breathed out and sat there stunned. “Shit.” He choked. “Fucking shit.” He’d never thought it would be possible after Ana to even contemplate marriage and family. She had turned him off the whole ideology of it.

His hand hesitated on the page before he wrote it down. Seeing those words staring back at him suddenly flooded him with emotion. For him to even think about a real future with Sildie he had to get Ana out of his life for good. There was no room for both and be damned if he was giving up Sildie without a fight even when that fight was with his own fucking mind.

And there it was, the crux of the problem. Ana. Ana and all her shit, all her baggage, all her memories had to go. He’d learned from the lessons she had been put in his path for, the hard unyielding lessons she taught. Holding onto them now was pointless and toxic. Sildie was right, Ana was winning all over again if he let this continue.

Maybe if he told Sildie everything? Not that he wanted to, he didn’t want to relive that shit and force it into her head. Having it in his was bad enough, writing it out was reliving it, but maybe it was his way of moving forward? He left that to simmer in his mind as he looked at the time, she’d be home soon and he needed to pull it together. He’d spent the entire day on this but felt marginally better, even though he had more work to do, and it was exhausting, physically exhausting and mentally draining. He was an emotional wreck.

He tidied up, both the mess on the table and in his mind, he had to put it away now and go next door for the kids, for Sildie. He wouldn’t drag this amount of baggage through her front door. He had to cull it first section it into manageable pieces.

“Until tomorrow.” He murmured at the notebook on the table and headed out the door.

She was tired, he could tell just by the slump of her shoulders as she walked through the door. Whether from the emotional upheaval last week, this past weekend or her work, probably all three he decided. The twins wrapped themselves around his thighs in hello as he took Lily from Sildie so she could get in the door with her bag.

“Hi.” He said softly and kissed her with tenderness.

“Hi back.” Her smile, although tired, was one of relief. He was here she thought, he’d come back and she was happy he was here. “I could get used to this.” She smiled. “Having you to come home to.”

“Me too.” His grin was wide as he carried Lily and removed her bag from her shoulder.

He snuggled Lily against him and talked and laughed with the kids while Sildie kicked off her shoes, shucked her jacket, and went to the kitchen to make a pot of tea. Knowing about their day was just as important as knowing about Sildie’s. She was tired but not overly stressed by last week which was a welcome relief, her grief had settled slightly for the moment. He knew it would surface again soon for her birthday and Christmas.

“Thank you for your text.” He murmured and slipped a hand around her hip pulling her close to him as she stood waiting for the kettle to boil.

She turned to face him kissing those lips she’d craved all day. “You’re not alone love.” She smiled at him and kissed him again. She’d remind him every day what he meant to her to get him through whatever demon he was facing. Let me in she silently pleaded.

“I know.” But he was, he thought. He was so alone facing it because he never wanted it to touch her, inflict all that toxic shit on her, he just wouldn’t allow it. “Your day go ok?” He asked wanting to change the topic.

“It was fine, I have a lighter caseload at the moment but that’s about to change. Big case coming up. High profile company, lots of long nights ahead.”

“Good thing I’m staying over then.” He smiled.

“Yeah, I could use your help with the kids on this when it hits in a few weeks.” He stroked a finger down his jaw.

“Late nights?”

“There’ll be a few I’m sure and some weekends at the office.” She didn’t want to lay it all on him but she’d need to lean on him for this. “I know it’ll be a lot but I...”

He kissed her softly and leaned his forehead against hers. “Together remember.” Her slight smile the brightest thing in his world. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll make it work.” He kissed her and heard the ewww from Brendan as he passed which made him grin.

“You know B the more you do that the more I’m gonna do this.” He quipped grinning, cupping a hand behind her neck he kissed her so her toes curled. His throaty chuckle against her lips only made Sildie’s pussy tingle, damn the man knew how to kiss a girl.

“Gross.” Brendan grinned.

“Yeah well, wait until your hormones kick in kid, you’re going to feel the same way about a special girl and want to kiss her just like that.” Gustaf was having a ball ribbing the kid in good fun. “So you may want to pay attention instead of gagging.”

Sildie laughed at them while she poured the water over the tea leaves. It was a guy thing and she was so happy that Brendan had a guy he could talk to and joke with even though the spike of guilt still hit her sharply. She watched Gustaf as the two continued their banter.

He was trying to hide the pain, she could see the edges of it in the way his body slumped like it was carrying a tremendous weight. Talk to me love, she pleaded silently, let me in, let me help. It hurt that he’d already started shielding her from it.

She cupped his face in her hand and ran a thumb along the crows feet at his eye. She loved it when he smiled like that, pure joy. He turned to look at her and those ocean eyes, she drowned in them, such love in him she thought, such kindness. She kissed him tenderly and felt his grip tighten.

“You’re so good for him.” She said quietly and kissed him again as she could see the blush at the fact he’d let it show. They talked and sipped tea while Sildie got dinner started. Back to routine, normality, although she wanted to stay in the bubble with him it just wasn’t practical. They ate as a family unit, joking, laughing, talking about what happened in their day, what they liked and disliked, plans for the weekend. If every night was going to be like this she hoped he’d stay but knew there would be bad days mixed in with the good at some stage. It couldn’t be roses all the time.

With Lily and the boys to bed she settled down to read. Her case load was light but she was brushing up on certain laws for the case that would soon land in her lap. She’d be living, breathing, sleeping it. It excited her but at the same time she doubted herself. That doubt of whether she could juggle it all, work, kids, boyfriend, life, grief, Ana. She could handle the kids and work, and Gustaf, but Ana, and life was certain to test her.

He watched her from the kitchen and smiled, he was happy with her, the kids. Things seemed lighter when he was with her, less stress, less anxiety. All the more reason to sort out your shit, he cursed silently, you can’t be in her life completely dragging your Ana baggage into it with you. There isn’t enough room and it’s not fair on them, they have enough grief and guilt of their own to live with.

He poured her a tea and sat it beside her, pen furiously taking notes. He sat and brushed a finger along the back of her hand. The pen stuttered before she continued and then stop once she reached the end of her thought. He knew her well enough now to wait. Her mind was an enigma to him.

She took off her reading glasses and scrubbed a hand over her face.

“Come up for air love.” He said and kissed her temple. “Sip your tea.”

“Thanks. Sorry, went down a rabbit hole there.” She chuckled as she leaned back to rest against the back of the chair pulling her glasses off.

“What are you working on?” His fingers grazed hers as she took hold of the teacup.

“Brushing up on certain laws. I know them I just need to refresh them in my head.” She leaned into him and kissed him tenderly. “Back to the grind. I’m sorry.”

“What for?” His brow crinkled at her apology.

“I get caught up with it all sometimes. I don’t mean to ignore you.” She hooked her finger around his. “I zone out into lawyer land.” That had become his favorite term for her when her mind was super focused.

“You’re not. I’m here with you. We’ll find a rhythm love, it’ll just take a bit.” He kissed her tenderly.

“Well just know when I zone out like that it’s not because I’m ignoring you.” She kissed him again sweetly.

“Noted.” He said and nodded. He hesitated and she knew there was more he wanted to say. “I’m not shutting you out.” He said softly and her look had him continue. “Yes it’s about Ana. It’s always about Ana and I’m working on it. Working on not letting her get between us.” He managed to get that out without bursting into flames and it made him feel a little better. “I just need time to work through it, process it. I started doing that today.”

Her kiss was pure love he thought. That deep love that she gave so freely. “She haunts you.” She murmured and he dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed the emotion away. “Will you talk to me? Before it gets too much and pulls you under? I know you’re working through it, processing, but would you talk to me about it all? What eats away at you?”

“I will but I can’t right now.” He choked. “It’s all too raw.” His voice was strangled.

“You’ve buried it for so long love and now it’s wanting to flood out of you stronger than before.” Her words hit him hard and he couldn’t stop the silent tears. “You’re not alone this time love. I’m here and I’ll fight her alongside you if you’ll let me.” She wiped the tears from his cheek with her thumb and kissed his temple lingering, willing her love to heal him. “Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

“I’m stronger than what she made me.” He whispered and her heart broke. She closed her eyes and breathed. She wanted to ask so many questions from that statement alone but held off. It wasn’t the right time and there was only so far she could push.

“Much stronger love.” She looked at him and cupped his face in her hands. “Work through it but don’t shut me out ok? Tell me when it’s getting too much, talk to me. I’m here for you, just as you’re here for me.”

He kissed her tenderly. “I’ll try to remember.” He kissed her again sweetly. “I’m sorry, I never wanted any of this to touch you Sildie.”

“Together remember. You’re everything to me Gustaf. Remember that when thoughts of her try to pull you under.” She kissed him with that deep love that always made him feel warm and wanted.

“When is your case done? This big one coming up?” He asked and swiped the tears away annoyed that they fell in the first place. He felt stupid falling apart like this all over again like he’d just kicked Ana out this morning. Well in a way he had, mentally he was reliving it all over again.

“It starts in a few weeks in court for pretrial but it could go on for years it just depends. Why?” She asked softly.

“I’d like to take you away for a long weekend. Just you and me, away and somewhere different.” He said and kissed her.

“Romancing me?” She smiled.

“Trying.” His huffed chuckle made her smile. “I’d like to.”

“Maybe the first or second week of December or something. Let all this calm down with us and the kids and routine?” Normally she’d fight him on it as it would be costly but considering what he was trying to process in his mind, she’d let it go. He probably needed it as much as she did from the last week of pouring her own heart out. They were both a little raw still.

“Sounds good. I’ll start planning. You ok with Alice looking after the kids for that long?” It was also something he could plan, take his mind off Ana after dealing with it all day.

“That’s fine and I’ll pay half.” She said.

“Nope. I asked, I pay. Not only that you just paid for this last weekend so it’s my turn.” He grinned, she wasn’t lawyering him on this one. “That was the deal.” He said holding up his hand as if to say save your breath I don’t want to hear it. All she could do was glare at him, he was right damn it she thought.

His fingers toyed with her hair until it found her clip and he growled. Her chuckle was one of amusement.

“You really don’t like that clip do you?” She smirked.

“No. I don’t.” He whispered and he gently removed it so her hair tumbled down. “I like the feel of it. Sinking my fingers into it before I kiss you.” He whispered and kissed her tenderly doing exactly that. “How much more do you have to do tonight?” He asked and ghosted his lips over hers.

“I can be done, it’s late anyway, and I need sleep.” She kissed him softly. “You wore me out.” She chuckled and he smiled against her lips.

“You had a very busy weekend.” He murmured and slipped a finger down her cleavage to undo a few buttons.

“I love it when you touch me.” She whispered, that soft sigh as his touch sent her body into goo mode.

“Then tidy up and come to bed so I can touch you some more.” He murmured, that low tone making her suddenly warm with pleasure.

“I need to sleep Gustaf.” She chuckled as those fingers deftly aroused her as he undid the buttons of her blouse. “I mean I’d like to fool around but I’m beat and I have the rest of the week to get through.”

“I’ll see that you get it.” He promised. “Go take a shower, relax, get your makeup off and sleep.” He kissed her softly. “I’ll be there in a bit.” He stood and took their cups and the teapot to the kitchen.

She tidied ready for breakfast and he noted again that she needed an office, it suddenly dawned on him and he grinned. He had a spare office, she needed one, problem solved and Christmas or her birthday would be perfect timing. Something else for him to dive into in the coming weeks.

He found her a little while later curled up soft and naked in bed. That halo of copper in a molten pool across the pillow. She was so beautiful, inside and out. That thought stopped him cold. Sildie had said the same thing this past weekend about him, though he felt anything but beautiful. His heart fluttered and ached, she was trying to lead him out of the darkness.

He stripped and crawled in beside her pressing himself against her spine, fingers trailing over her hip to soothe more than arouse. The words still wouldn’t come. Give it time he said to himself, you’ve got to take the trash out first.

She turned to him half asleep and pressed herself against him, warm and soft. She kissed him sweetly as his arm cradled her to him, hand flexing out between her shoulder blades.

“Sleep love.” He murmured as her head relaxed and she breathed him in.

He lay there with her in his arms thinking. Thinking of what it would be like to be married to her, have kids with her, to lose her. He would if he didn’t get his shit in order. He kissed her brow and lingered as he held her tighter, the scent of her calming his mind. He couldn’t lose her, he couldn’t let Ana ruin this.

The following few weeks went much the same. Routine and life kicked in, Sildie was slammed at work, kids soccer and hockey games, reading scripts, interviews, guest appearances, and furiously trying to dig out every last toxic thought and memory of Ana. Sildie was neck deep in her case and it was beginning to wear on her. He could see the stress taking its toll, her tiredness before she finally gave up reading for the night, her slightly on edge tone with him and the kids, his own stress wearing him thin too.

Since their weekend together things had started to spiral downward. It was a slow descent but he knew it was his fault. He was spread too thin focusing his entire emotional efforts on getting Ana out of their lives, but what else could he do? Sildie had tried to get him to open up and he’d wanted to, but he’d also wanted to protect her from it. She had enough on her plate without him adding to it.

He was due to fly out tomorrow and he found the thought of being away from Sildie and the kids daunting, even for the overnight stay. “It’s just the anxiety and self doubt creeping back in and it won’t win this time.” He said sternly as he pounded a fist into the bag. “It’s just overnight and she’s only a phone call away. Just like last time. I am better than that.”

He worked the bag hard and took a shower once his muscles were screaming at him. He read through scripts and poured his heart out onto the pages of his notebook. This had become his routine while Sildie was at work. His hand stopped when Sildie’s text tone chimed quietly. He tapped the pen on the book and hesitated looking at it as he was neck deep in the toxic waste of his mind. When it chimed again he caved and looked.

You are stronger than your demons love.

He choked a sob, how did she know what he needed when they hadn’t even spoken of it he wondered? Because she loves you the little voice in his head muttered. He let the tears come, they needed out of him too. A cleansing of a different sort. Purge and heal had become his mantra over the past weeks, and in all honesty he should have done this long ago.

She was beat to hell by the time she got home. This was much easier when she didn’t have kids and a boyfriend that was spiraling she thought bitterly and then felt the guilt rise at such a thought. She was just tired and cranky and that wasn’t fair.

She watched as he played with Lily and smiled, the highlight of her day. Those crinkles around his eyes showing the love and joy he had for the toddler even though it was another mans child. There was still that soul destroying pain in his eyes though and he wouldn’t talk to her about it.

She understood he needed space and time to sort through it but he’d shut her out. Every time she brought it up or hinted at the subject he shut it down. Let me in she pleaded silently, please love let me in. Each day that passed he seemed a little less bright and drifted further away from her, soon he’d be out of reach and consumed by it all. How did she stop that she wondered? How did she stop the spiral without hurting him further, without throwing it in his face or making that wound deeper?