#even though i knew i wouldn't make it

[eusuntgratie]

watching eddie do the sign of the cross at maria’s grave... fuck

[bread-wizards]

I'm just saying, Orym knows something about being stuck on the death of your first love. Of being constantly reminded of them and their death, seeing signs of them every day, making it that much harder to get over them.

But now he has found a new love, and despite the seeing Will several times, being reminded of him every time he looks at the moons or swings his sword, he is ready to move forward. "It's pretty great, living a lifetime." He wants to try again.

If anyone would have some wise words for Keyleth to help her get through this, it would be him.

[distant-velleity]

lmao for the record this is not very... coherent or well-paced but-- it definitely exists so 🙂 yeah!!!

yuhua's book 7 dream in tgtwst (before he gets sent to silver's dream by the System)

(warning for floyu crumbs; explanation of the dream in the tags)

~

“You’re saying Azul wanted to see me?” Yuhua asks for what must be the second time now. He follows Chrysos along the oft-walked path to the Hall of Mirrors, adjusting his winter coat to better shield him from the January chill.

Thankfully, Chrysos has the miraculous patience of a saint, at least when it comes to him. “Yes. Truly, it’s an urgent matter; both he and I agree on that.” 

They enter the hall and take a soft right veer into the alcove for the Octavinelle mirror.

“Of course,” Chrysos says, right before they enter, “if it helps, Floyd is rather insistent that you come as well.”

Something strange flutters in Yuhua’s chest, the beginning traces of a feeling he can’t allow himself to feel. He silently stamps it down, though he can’t stop himself from smiling regardless. “Really, now?”

“And there it is.” Knowingly, the corners of Chrysos’ mouth quirk up in a faint smirk. He gestures towards the mirror invitingly. “Go ahead. You know the route to the Mostro Lounge.”

“Right.”

Yuhua steps through the mirror and experiences the usual weightlessness for the briefest of seconds. His foot finds solid ground again on pale lilac tiling, the reflections of the water from above warped over his shoes. Having walked this route countless times now, it’s through muscle memory that he follows the path to the Mostro Lounge; Chrysos isn’t far behind him.

“Ah, wait—” Yuhua looks behind at Chrysos before he opens the door. “...is it locked? Or—”

Chrysos shrugs one shoulder, a non-answer. “It’s unlocked right now, I can assure you.”

“Really? Okay.”

Yuhua grabs the handle and pulls the door open to see utter darkness inside. He blinks, wondering if it’s merely the effect of his eyes adjusting to the light, but no—only the lights from within the tanks are on, and those do little to make the interior any more visible.

Skepticism sinks into his chest. “Chrysos, are you sure—”

“SURPRISE!” shout a pair—no, a chorus of familiar voices. A burst of magic, a showy effect of harmless sparkles, erupts before Yuhua as the Lounge is once again illuminated. Ace, Deuce, Epel, Jack, and Santiago are right there by the door, their eyes bright.

“Happy birthday, Yu,” Deuce says first, a sincere smile on his face. 

“Ya didn’t think we forgot, now did ya?” asks Epel. He partially covers his good-humored laughter at Yuhua’s face with a fist. 

Jack crosses his arms and looks at the others. “...C’mon, guys. Give him some room.”

Indeed, Yuhua needs it—he can’t quite believe his eyes. Looking past the first-years, he can see the Lounge decorated, not too flamboyantly but not too modestly; he also spots other familiar students gathered around, watching the door or sitting at tables and chatting among themselves.

“I—I…” 

His grasp on the door handle grows weak; Chrysos takes it and makes sure he doesn’t make a fool of himself by letting the door crash straight into him.

“...This is for… me?” Yuhua finally wonders aloud.

Ace snorts at that and shoves a bundle of clothing into his arms. “Who else? I don’t know any other January 27th birthday boys at this school.”

“Um—but I never told you guys my—” 

“Don’t underestimate our combined deductive abilities.” Santiago winks at him, dangling a bolo-style tie around his finger for a second before handing it to Yuhua. “We figured it out just in time.”

“Together? Don’t you guys hate each oth—”

“We’ve learned how to put aside our differences sometimes,” Chrysos assures him, though judging by Ace’s stink-eye, it seems to be a one-time occurrence and nothing better. “And we decided to hold it here at the Lounge as a compromise.”

“But, I…” Yuhua’s mouth remains open even as he falls silent, trying to form questions he doesn’t quite know how to vocalize. “...I… Is this really okay… The Lounge, I mean, and my birthday…”

He doesn’t know quite what he’s feeling, just that the feeling is so immense it stops him from forming coherent sentences. 

“Who else decides if it’s okay or not?” At the imminent approach of a very familiar and very welcome sophomore trio, the first-years scatter like minnows. Floyd easily snakes a hand behind him to place on Yuhua’s opposite shoulder and walks him in. “C’mon, it’s your birthday, li’l Koi! A day just for you!”

“Surely, someone else was—”

“My, my.” Jade hides an amused smile behind a delicate gloved hand. “Are you just going to tell all of these people to go back to their dorms after they’ve already arrived?”

“Come on, now,” Azul agrees. “We were even able to coordinate such a well-timed surprise.”

“Well—” Yuhua sputters, flustered. He hugs the clothes to his chest. There’s a million arguments for his case, but just as many against it. “This is all really impressive, yeah—”

“So there we got it!” exclaims Floyd. “It’s your birthday, and we’re gonna celebrate it. Now, are ya gonna go get changed or what?”

Happiness. Like a soap bubble popping, Yuhua comes to the realization when he looks at Floyd’s infectious smile and feels the warmth surrounding him. This overwhelming, confusing, dizzying feeling—is happiness.

“I…” What is he waiting around for? If everyone’s already gathered… Like a fool, Yuhua laughs at himself sheepishly. “Yeah. Just wait for me a sec, I’ll borrow one of the bathrooms.”

…

“Hold still,” Vil demands, stopping Yuhua as soon as he steps out of the bathroom.

“I—Huh?”

Yuhua stays frozen in his tracks as Vil steps around to stand behind him. Rook takes Vil’s initial place as the housewarden sets to work on Yuhua’s hair.

“Bonjour, monsieur,” Rook sing-songs. 

“Hi, Rook,” answers Yuhua. “Are you also here for—?”

“The celebration? Why, of course~” With a flourish, Rook bends into a bow and extends an open palm forward. “May you have a very happy birthday on this fine day.”

“Don’t distract him while I’m doing his hair, Rook,” Vil says curtly.

“But of course, my Roi de Poison.” Still, Rook smiles at Yuhua in his poetically pleasant, friendly way.

Finally, Vil steps back to appreciate his work. Yuhua, after awaiting the approval of a quick “Go ahead,” gently feels at the braid his hair has been done into.

“Wow, I…” Yuhua turns around. “Thank you, Vil. You didn’t have to.”

“Mm, is that so?” Vil lets out something of an almost-content hum, as usual. “I couldn’t have the birthday boy walking around with his hair the same as his day-to-day look.”

“Your beauty has only been enhanced, monsieur,” Rook declares. “Now, shall we return to the party?”

“They’re all waiting on you,” adds Vil.

“Ah—” 

They’re waiting on him. They actually want him there.

Yuhua nods slowly. “Okay. Let’s go.”

They leave the side hallway to return to the Lounge. Almost immediately, Yuhua catches sight of a certain redhead waving madly at him from one of the tables. It seems like Ace has fervently and insistently claimed himself a spot at the table with the cake, alongside others like Floyd, Deuce, and Chrysos.

“Over here, over here!” calls Ace, earning himself a simultaneous flick to the forehead from Chrysos and a punch in the arm from Deuce. “Ow!”

“Yelling isn’t going to make me get there any faster,” Yuhua retorts, though he’s still laughing when he squeezes in to sit between Ace and Floyd. “I bet you just wanna eat the cake already.”

“You’re pretty greedy, Crabby,” agrees Floyd, just to get a jab in at the first-year.

“Hmph.” Ace grins mischievously, neither confirming nor denying. “Maybe I just wanna know what the birthday boy’s gonna wish for.”

The candles on the cake flicker. It’s just a birthday wish, and it doesn’t mean much. Not much is riding on it.

“I don’t really—” Yuhua pauses, and then huffs a laugh. “Yeah, like I’d tell you. That ruins the whole point.”

“Aww,” whines Ace, batting his eyelashes. “Seriously?”

“Seriously, you dork.”

“What about me?” ventures Floyd, a shit-eating smile on his face.

“Come on.” Yuhua rolls his eyes affectionately. “It’s supposed to be a secret. That means I don’t tell you guys until it comes true. And it’s not that big of a deal anyway—I bet you can guess what it is pretty easily.”

That seems to appease them into staying silent, each thinking about what it could be.

…Again, it’s a wish that doesn’t mean much. With nothing too big to relegate to a birthday wish but nothing memorable enough to immediately ask for, Yuhua more or less has to make it up on the spot. He takes a deep breath before he silently thinks—

I hope I can celebrate my birthday like this again in the future.

—and blows out all the candles in one clean exhale. 

Ace whoops, and somewhere in the Lounge the sound is repeated. Cheers and clapping, from the people celebrating for the sake of it  and the people who want food, echo through the room. “Alright! Now the party’s really begun!”

“I want the first slice of cake!” Floyd insists abruptly.

“No way. It’s mine!”

“Huuuuh?”

“Hey, you two, don’t fight in the middle of Yuhua’s party—!”

Chrysos leans over the table to Yuhua while the other two bicker and Deuce tries to play mediator. “You’re giving it to me, obviously. Right?”

Yuhua sighs, meant to sound long-suffering but instead reflecting his muffled giddiness. “You guys…”

…

Once the food is eaten and the gifts are given, Yuhua finds himself sitting on a stool by the counter while the others mingle among themselves. 

He isn’t mad that he’s seemingly being neglected, no—because he isn’t. People are still checking in on him: Jamil, stopping by to offer him a hair clip; Idia being nudged by Ortho to make Yuhua aware of his attendance (haha); Riddle personally wishing him a happy birthday before being accidentally warded off by Floyd; so on and so forth.

And people are gathered here because of him. They’re all getting along, making merry because of him, in a way. It feels nice, to see everyone not at each other’s throats for once—to see Azul and Leona talking civilly, to see Sebek and the other freshmen having an eating competition… To have people still asking him if he wants to try this food or play this game with them, and knowing that he can just join in whenever he feels back up to it.

This happiness, that knowledge—they form a pool of warmth in his heart, a pool running so deep that Yuhua thinks he might burst if he does anything other than sit. He’s happy to be here, happy to be a part of the celebrations; so happy to be acknowledged as something important to people. Happy to be more than a thought that fades away once the moment has passed.

He’s happy to belong.

Are you really happy? asks a voice in his head—

“Hey, li’l Koi!” Floyd shouts from a table. “Wanna play a game with us?”

—The easy, obvious answer is an unhesitant yes.

Yuhua smiles and nods his answer. A fluttery, bubbly feeling in his heart fills his veins with excitement as he stands up—

The world spins; his vision swims. His foot doesn’t meet the floor, his stomach sinks, and suddenly he’s falling with all the weightlessness of a dreamer being awakened.

~

taglist (ask to be added or removed): @thehollowwriter @theleechyskrunkly @elenauaurs @casp1an-sea @nahelenia

@skriblee-ksk @boopshoops @scint1llat3 @nyx-of-night @nemisisnemi

@sillyslipperybananapeel @beneathsakurashade @kathxrat-01 @lumdays @twistedwonderlandshenanigans

@taruruchi

[nostalgia-tblr]

mild wank

tbh the fact that they did in fact have a frost giant on the throne of asgard has made extra sceptical about a lot of this fandom's meta. i know i seem like (am) a bitch about things but i do try to see the point someone is trying to argue. okay maybe loki did try and talk thor out of going to jotunheim. maybe he didn't usually get to go on these little murder-sprees because of the social isolation of being terribly important. maybe thor and loki both started out as anti-imperialist commies. maybe they really were allergic to the solid gold palace they grew up in.

but no, i can do that less now. i just think "well, given that nobody had in several hundred years bothered to try and avoid the otherwise quite likely having of a frost giant on the etc etc, i have my doubts about this thing that character said too and how you, oh fellow traveller in fandom, have interpreted it."

[sysig]

Party (group) party (celebratory)! (Patreon)

[tackrusso]

show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw

[lesbians-all-the-way-down]

My friend: I can't think while I'm at work

Me, at work, earlier that day: word for word writing a fic In my head

[dhaaruni]

It's interesting how a lot of people end up having tumultuous paths to their happily ever after (breaking up, huge fights, blocking each other on Twitter etc.) but people just don't talk about it, and I think we should do it more because the façade of perfection is tedious.

I'm not still actively angry about the circumstances in which my boyfriend and I fell out and the period between it and when we became official, but it does still upset me and I wish there was a way to discuss those simultaneous sentiments without discrediting either.

[longagoitwastuesday]

Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead

[running-in-the-dark]

I was pretty proud of myself for getting through this day so well (first time one of our cats had to have surgery), BUT it's 4am and it's really hitting me now 🙃

[killjoy-prince]

Ray's After Ending is so funny because for a good chunk of it, most of the RFA members are knocked out by V's sleeping gas (Saeran is immune, Saeyoung isn't present bc he was kidnapped by his agency under his father's orders and MC wakes up in like an hour) but the game has a call feature where you can call the characters and it would be a waste if you couldn't use it bc the characters were unavailable so instead they have other people pick up the call (Jumin's driver picks up Jumin's phone, Jumin's father picks up Zen's phone, Yoosung's friends and mom pick up Yoosung's phone and Jaehee's coworkers pick up Jaehee's phone) and we do get to learn about the characters from outsider's point of view but it's so funny to me that these people are visiting their loved ones and suddenly the phone rings and they decide to just. answer it. and start talking to this stranger they've never met

[pathsofoak]

I just realized that in the movies Teresa died without knowing that the cure would never reach Newt

(discussion of death and brief mention of suicide in the tags)

[randomidiocyncrazies]

lmao the reaction to the Tokio/Kona pairing in ep 4 is so 😒

Like damn bro is it SO hard to not spoil stuff for anime-onlys? I know ppl were spoiling this + Kiruko's deal bc they "don't want woke bs in their animus" or whatever but like. Shut the fuck up.

[quilveor]

Stress-strumming

He stood in front of a makeshift scene, surrounded by three of his friends. To be honest, he was panicking, but tried his best to act normal. Nodded, smiled weakly at reassurances, "everything will be fine"s, "don't worry"s. He heard that so many times, but having to actually step up… It was hard. Nobody knew him, but he also knew nobody, what if they would judge? When doors to the bar opened, at first the kobold felt happy at few seconds of everyone being distracted. Then he felt dread at who was actually in the door. Tall, black coat, hood over the face. Two curved horns bringing an image of a black dragon, and a face that… It was a face of someone who would definitely judge him, harshly, just because he can. That dragonborn was terrifying. He moved slowly, but with clear purpose, towards the bartender. He did take off his hood though, revealing his pale scales and a sickly complexion. Was he a vampire, too? He definitely did not look healthy. And his voice was deep, demanding respect. Trouble, there's going to be trouble, and he knew it, grabbing his instrument tighter in stress. And it really seemed like a nice inn, with kobolds working there on equal with others. The bartender was a kobold, even! He ordered something, and another kobold ran from him upstairs for some reason… Did something move under his coat? Is he‒‒

‒ Gwynddu! A higher pitched voice resounded from the stairs soon after, interrupting the thoughts of the panicked kobold. A green bird ‒ aarakocra ‒ was standing there, spreading his arms in a smile. Who did he spoke to? And what about‒‒ the bird came up to the dragonborn, hugging him. They seemed like friends, but… The kobold saw his own friend jump up and run towards them. What was happening? Did Ninix knew that bird? Two more kobolds joined the bird and draconid, one holding an instrument, the other was definitely smaller than pretty much anyone here. The one with instrument had a tail tied in a knot, which immediately stood out. He still clutched his own lute tight, noticing that his friend pointed towards them, and the weird group looked at him. That's it. He was dead. Surely. When he opened his eyes again, he saw the dragonborn waving for him to come over. He listened, didn't even know why, but he came up and just looked up. ‒ Strum, was it? ‒ The white‒scaled reptile spoke purposefully, asking in draconic. The kobold just nodded. ‒ And your compatriots? ‒ I am titled Arioth. ‒ …Zojik. ‒ Nice to meet Ninix's friends! ‒ the bird picked up, smiling, sitting on the ground to be more on height. He also spoke fluent draconic. ‒ I'm Quick! That's Gwynddu, Korek and Duke. ‒ He nodded at each reptile. ‒ We were thinking, maybe you would like to play with us, Strum? …with them?

‒ Pfff, man first needs to relax himself. You're holding that guitar too tight. Breathe. ‒ The smaller kobold chimed in. Only now he noticed that he had a collar on, although he also had this weird confidence about him. ‒ It's clearly a lute. ‒ Lute, guitar, ukulele, who cares. ‒ Ignoring dragonborn's comment, the smallest kobold smirked. ‒ You a bard, Strum? ‒ Y‒yeah? ‒ Afraid about the crowd? ‒ Uhh… ‒ Yeah, thought so. I'd say you could imagine them all to be naked but… ‒ That'd probably work only for you, Duke. ‒ Quick laughed, getting a "yeah" from his friend. ‒ A‒anyway, I hope we're not asking for a lot but we would decidedly be happy to have you play alongside us! We promised the owner a show, and Ninix mentioned you're really good! We could even start off, so you could just join in. Something in the coat moved again. Gwynddu undid it a bit, revealing a small pseudodragon who trilled and landed on his head. ‒ Well, Strum, it is up to you. We'll be preparing. With your permission, sir? The dragonborn turned to the bartender, before getting up and going towards a corner. His friends all looked at eachother. He did feel a bit stupid for judging the dragonborn so harshly, but… He saw the tied‒tail kobold with his violin step up onto the scene, followed by the bird wielding a flute. Soon enough they started playing, and quickly enough were joined by the dragonborn ‒ cloak down, revealing very high quality, outright noble outfit ‒ playing on a piano. Even Ninix seemed having fun, his panflute sounding well enough. Strum jumped up in surprise, feeling a tap from behind, but it was only Duke smirking. ‒ I don't play anything, but you better start playing. And so he did, stepping up, looking at the smiling bird and focused kobold, and started playing as well, joining them in one complete melody. His worries disappeared pretty quickly as he was leading the song, tapping out a rhythm. They played with him, even the weird kobold who seemed to take the second leading position. He heard Zojik shout in excitement.

And afterwards, there were only compliments and praise. Maybe even a bit too much but… but he was happy.

[raichukfm]

I think part of what is behind this is the belief that white people are generic. The takeaway from that seems 'progressive' as it poses itself in opposition to the undifferentiated morass of white Western cultural hegemony... But it is a kind of viewpoint that elevates and feeds into that hegemony. It reinforces its prevalence by treating it as a default, even negatively; and it erases cultures if they happen to be lumped under the 'white' umbrella for looking a certain way.

And the thing is that this kind of thing can be propagated even by people who can understand that it's wrong—a magical realist story in a small village in the Alps, said the tweeter, that would be meaningful and a breath of fresh air! Despite that being European and posting a white-passing piece of art for its protagonist.

Because of course the only way to have white characters and avoid that morass is to go to small villages in areas associated with a sort of rustic pastoral aesthetic, or the like. You can't go and have it be urban (unless it's a famous city with romancified picturesque) or unabashedly modern or just real or otherwise step out of that twee picturesqueness. There's too much of that already!

And then since most people do not live in picturesque idealized little villages touched only gently by the passage of time, and white people are not an exception, white people making stories that reflect their actual culture are just making Another Story About White People rolling-eyes-emoji.

And also that same kind of belief that the white Western cultural blob is default is another factor behind seeing works reflecting the culture and environment of other places as being behind and thus crass, I think.

I have not played Disco Elysium and don't really intend to, but like... I have heard enough stuff about that considering its protagonist or setting bland or generic 'whiteness' is fucking absurd?? How early into the game was that original tweeter when tweeting it

I hope the "What if Disco Elysium was about a witch finding her cat in the mountains" post never leaves the gaming discourse vernacular. It will never not be funny to me bc it's got all the Gamer Entitlement™ levels of CoD bros throwing hissy fits about "woke" shit but instead of being couched in far right reactionism it's the exact kind of "Kingdom of Conscience" style liberal outrage at anything with conviction and beliefs that DE waxed on about. Like even chuds who get mad that the game calls you out for being racist interact with the themes of DE better and understand them more than Cat Lady did.

[cassie-9laf]

i miss him