#even more when its destiel. how did you get into my house i only follow people who think sam stigmata for a living

[gabriestat]

i actually get so scared when i see the gay angel in my dashboard i always let a relieved sigh when i see it's the algorithm

[ugh-againwiththenames]

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!).  I’m not a writer.  But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic. 

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so. 

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ‘best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends. 

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT.  When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?).  So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*). 

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago.  A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all). 

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them).  So let’s get to it, shall we? 

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.  

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme   https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read.  I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row).  There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all).  Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever.  You feel me? no? go read it. 

Author:  komodobits   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW.  OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day.  Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out.  LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed).  There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE. 

Author: bendingsignpost  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree.  this is the Memory Loss one.  I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day.  Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author:  sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help.  Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll).  It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read. 

Author: sysrae       https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?).  Would Recommend. 

Author: squeemonster   https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist.  I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN.  I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you? 

Author: noangelsinthegarrison   https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way).  It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM. 

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter.  And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.  

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story.  ESL writer, no judgement.  I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi.  Miscommunication leading to realization.  

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean.  If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it. 

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story.  When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do? 

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288 

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.   

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going. 

Author:  Valinde (Valyria)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies.  Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me. 

Author:  obstinatrix  https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend. 

Author:  Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together.  I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author:  Bexism  https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now. 

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas).  It’s a super cute little story. 

Author:  pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas.  This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it. 

Author:  KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU.  Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters. 

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know). 

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty. 

Author:  lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story.  I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it  is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think. 

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden  https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away   Author:  Chiyume  https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute                      Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910 

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) -      -  Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song     - cute short - no sexual content Author:  green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit   Author: n_nami  https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086      - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn      - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519       The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099     - cute short post GISH zoom     - oops "babe, really?"  

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646                             - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810    - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2)    - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3)     - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4) 

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792 

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless   https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544                                                             - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581 

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901                                                          - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright   https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845    - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood    - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood             - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU **  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers   https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads)  - Duckyboos   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008    - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos   

Riptides - sharkfish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340    - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo)    - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo)    - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo)    - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo)    - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo)    - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794    - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent    - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl   https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0   https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord   https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Before we start, I'd like to say that the below combination....speaks to me, on a personal level.  

WHEW. 

12x02: Mamma Mia

This episode *eyeroll* - there were like...five? good things about it. 

(Mary Winchester as the OG John Winchester Apologist not being one of them.)

wrong.

Anyway, here is the only good stuff from 12x02.

1.

INTERIOR: SAM AND TONI ARE IN BED RELAXING AND HOLDING GLASSES OF WINE.

For the life of me this is the ONLY DECENT THING I CAN FIND FOR this scene and I do not understand how that’s possible.  You can’t even see her face.  Damn.

There are so many good shots in this!!!! Someone make me a better .gif.  Maybe cut Sam out of it?

Update: semi-acceptable follow-up image:

Sexual escapades are actually a continuing theme in the torture:

TONI 

Good morning, Sam. Let's start again, shall we? Take our time. I've cleared my calendar. I would like names and locations of every Hunter... the passcodes to each and every Men of Letters database held in the bunker, and then – oh, yes – let's do discuss your relationship with the demon Ruby.

** Can’t find the actual reaction to this, so hey let’s play Sam reacts but wrong episodes ONLY**

SEXUAL ESCAPADE THEME RECURS HERE:

[INTERIOR: THE CELLAR, TONI LOOKS OVER HER TORTURE TOOLS AND PICKS UP BRASS KNUCKLES. SHE WALKS OVER AND SLUGS DEAN.]

TONI: Passcodes, Sam. Not yet?

[TONI LOOKS OVER AT DEAN WHO’S CHAINED WITH HIS HANDS OVER HIS HEAD.]

TONI: Anything to add?

DEAN: No. No, I just came by for some tea and a beating.

[TONI: PUTS DOWN THE BRASS KNUCKLES AND PICKS UP A CUP OF TEA.]

TONI: Really? See, I thought you might be on for a little chat about your mate, Benjamin Lafitte. I'm sorry. You called him Benny. You know, the vampire whom you released from Purgatory and...befriended. 

***she sips her fucking tea after she says “befriended” suggestively.  SHE. SIPS. HER. TEA.  This is not a drill***

I see. Well... the English are nothing if not patient.

BONUS - actual footage of Lady Motherfucking Antonia Bevell deciphering the past 11 seasons of subtext in respect to Dean’s sexuality:

Bi!Dean confirmed.  

QUEEN DID NOT COME TO PLAY.

2. 

Dean’s spiral at the bunker 

CASTIEL: Okay, I understand. I'll call you in the morning.

[WHILE TALKING, DEAN RISES AND STARTS PACING.]

DEAN: Cass, hey. So, here's the thing. It's been kind of weird here with, you know, Mom being back. It's like we don't know how to act around each other, so we just kind of make this small talk and act normal, but it's – it's so not normal.

CASTIEL: Um, I'm – I'm not sure. What – what has she said to you?

DEAN: Well, nothing. That – that – that's the whole point.

CASTIEL: Okay, what have you said to her?

CASTIEL HANGS UP.

DEAN: Yeah. Great. That's helpful. Thanks.

***Dean is so OPEN with Cas on this call.  You can tell this is a deeper, different dynamic and it really shows how close they’ve gotten after that heart wrenching Season 11 finale. these NEWLYWEDS. they are in a RELATIONSHIP.  And Cas’s terrible attempt at helping also shows how new and fresh it is, how they’re working through how to “be” this new way together, Dean still working on how to express feelings without spiraling, Cas clumsily trying to support him.  I AM GOOOOOOO.  

This is a fucking warm blanket.

Also confirmed by the subsequent scene, because otherwise WHY EVEN HAVE THIS DIALOGUE in the follow-up call:

DEAN

Hey, Cass, what do you got?

[EXTERIOR: DAY, CASTIEL IS STANDING SLIGHTLY BEHIND A VERY LEAFY TREE.]

CASTIEL

I think I may have found Sam's location. It's a farm. It appears empty, but it was rented two weeks ago to a woman with an English accent.

[DURING THE CONVERSATION THE SCENE SWITCHES BETWEEN THE BUNKER AND THE EXTERIOR OF THE FARMHOUSE.]

DEAN

Did you have a look inside?

CASTIEL

No No, it's – it's powerfully warded.

***Cas asks because he’s not sure if Dean is trying to talk about his feelings again or if it’s still about the case, because this is THAT NEW (and he probably had an ENTIRE headcase moment about his prior horrific attempt to “help” so he’s worked up all sorts of tidbits of advice for next time) *** <- can someone ficlet this little plot hole? I need it in my life.

THAT IS THE ONLY REASON TO HAVE THIS HERE.  THERE IS NO OTHER REASON.

BONUS:

Remember Castiel’s pimp mobile?

That new husband energy:

HES SO DAPPER HERE.  All the heart eyes.

3.

Helpful husband moment

[EXTERIOR: DAY, OUTSIDE THE FARMHOUSE. THE IMPALA PULLS UP. CASTIEL IS LEANING AGAINST THE TRUCK. DEAN AND MARY EXIT THE IMPALA AND WALK UP TO CASTIEL.]

DEAN

Where's all this warding you mentioned?

CASTIEL

It's cloaked. It's very powerful. You brought your mother?

MARY

Hello, Castiel. Yes, he did.

DEAN

You sure there's anyone inside?

CASTIEL

No. The agent said the lease was handled long distance, but someone warded the house.

DEAN

I'm gonna go have a closer look.

[MARY STARTS TO FOLLOW DEAN.]

DEAN: Mom, I got this.

[DEAN SHAKES HIS HEAD IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THEN LOOKS TO CASTIEL FOR HELP.]

DEAN: Thanks.

[[DEAN LOOKS AT CASTIEL GRATEFULLY AND WALKS AWAY.]

***This entire scene deserves a thorough rewatch. Go watch it now.  Bathe in the serotonin.  I watched it probably 6 times. THE BODY LANGUAGE.  THE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.  Cas saying “you brought your mother” because he KNOWS how worried and overprotective Dean is of her, already.  This is Destiel peak supportive husband and Mary is realizing it and its just all so fucking cute and happy. Bravo to all of your Acting Choices!  

4.

PIEEEEEEE

I will not go into my PhD dissertation about how pie is a metaphor for the true happiness and love Dean Winchester desires and DESERVES but feels like he cannot have because it will be snatched away from him.

I will not go into it at this time.  (It will also make me even ANGRIER about what they DID TO PIE in 15x20. I am still healing).

I repeat, I will not go in to it - unless -

5.

Kitchen confidential

Look where Dean is relaxing, with a beer or 3, and looking at old family pictures at the end.  It’s not his room.

It’s the kitchen.  He’s just hanging out in the kitchen, comfortably as if he does this often.

Remember when Lucifer was possessing Cas in 11x18 and we had this scene, where Cas is in his head but in the Winchesters’ kitchen and - I wondered -

If his happy place 

was

the Winchesters’ kitchen.  And why.

THIS SHOW.

I guess the good in this episode took up more space than expected.  I’m sorry for spamming you guys with this long, back to back Season 12 content, but I have a dossier.  

And I’m just getting started.

BONUS:

MICK

Here’s my number.

Also, picturing this, but in Casifer, said TO Rick Springfield.

[destielharlequinchallenge]

The Destiel Harlequin Challenge Master Post: 2020 Mega Bang

Participants in the 2020 Destiel Harlequin Challenge completed an amazing 20 fics and 3 sets of artwork! You can learn all about those here!

Spectre (fic by a_dusky_gold, art by aceriee)

This whole thing… this was supposed to be a fucking farce. A way to keep Nicholas Vaught occupied until the deadline he’d given Dean would run out, and he’d still get the money to send Dad to the Town Hall rehabilitation for alcoholism, because that was the goddamned deal.

There were no such things as ghosts or magic or a Book of Life. Dean knows, okay? He wasn’t the Army’s goddamned Mystery Raider for nothin’; he knows history, he knows artifacts, and he knows that the Book of Life is an ancient myth that is about as real as werewolves or vampires.

And yet.

“The Book of Life,” the man had said. Dean can’t even remember his name.

Shit, shit, shit.

Dangerous Ground by Amethystaris

Special Agents for the Department of Diplomatic Security, Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have been partners and best friends for three years, but everything changed the night Cas admitted the truth about his feelings for Dean. And when Cas was shot a few hours later, Dean felt his reluctance to get involved was vindicated.

Can a camping trip in the High Sierras save their partnership?

Honour Undressed by andimeantittosting

Among his friends, Castiel, Lord Milton is everyone’s confidant and, along with his trusted valet, the fixer of problems. But there is one secret Castiel has never shared: he is in love with his valet and has been for years.

Born in the gutters, Dean Winchester was assigned as Castiel’s batman in the war, and when Castiel travelled home to take up his title, Dean followed him as his valet. To assist Castiel, Dean is not above a little burglary or blackmail. But the one thing he wants for himself is Castiel’s heart.

When Castiel’s closest friends become the target of a blackmailer, certain truths come out. But while Dean determines to seduce Castiel, Castiel is adamant that he must resist, for if there is one rule a gentleman must follow, it is never to dally with his servant.

Havenport by BlueMasquerade

Castiel cleared space on his desk by the expedience of sweeping the previous contents to the side. He set the bundle down in the center of the surface and studied the knots in the rope before expertly untying them.

The book was old, its leather bindings cracked and crumbling. He carefully opened the cover to reveal the pages within, each hand cut, the edges beautifully deckled, the text written in pen and ink.

“This is written in ancient Enochian.” Castiel looked up, gaze narrowed. “Where did you obtain a book written in ancient Enochian?”

“Is that what it is? All I could tell is that it sure as hell isn’t English.” Mr. Winchester grinned, a dimple flashing in his cheek.

an aching in my heart by contemplativepancakes

When Dean’s best friend dies, leaving behind her daughter, Dean knows he has what it takes to give Claire the life she deserves. The problem is, they’re not related by blood, and Claire’s long lost uncle gets called to take her in. Castiel Novak was bad news when he was in highschool with Dean, and judging by his blue hair and tattoo sleeves, nothing’s changed. Castiel ran out on his family once before, and there’s no way Dean’s going to let that happen to Claire without putting up a fight.

Fools and Fate by Danica_Dust

Castiel Novak fled his coven to escape the rigid, predetermined Fate laid out for him within its confines. Desperate and alone, he took shelter in the city of Sacriloga, forsaking all magic and living off whatever he could steal. There, witches like Cas are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.

When Jack, a young witch also on the run from his own coven, seeks out Cas’ aid, however, Cas finds that he cannot reject the boy, leaving him to his sure destruction. Especially after the newest visitor to Sacriloga makes his presence known: the legendary Hunter, Dean Winchester, who has been following Jack’s trail.

Sworn to the Men of Letters, Hunters live by one principle: thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Dean’s path was never meant to cross with Cas', but a desperate stunt and a single mistake forces them into an impossible union—holy matrimony.

The war between the witches and the Men of Letters is an ancient one and Cas' most dangerous enemies bring a Fate worse than fire. Unable to ignore his growing feelings, yet powerless to change what he is, a choice must be made.

A suffocating Fate on one hand. A precarious freedom on the other. And in between, the kind of love that makes fools of us all.

Ozone by Deancebra

A young magic user who wants desperately to live. A jaded recluse who has forgotten what living means. They’re each other’s only chance.

Dean’s wild magic is killing him. The mage guilds have given up on him, and it’s only a matter of time before he dies in a spectacular, catastrophic bang. His only hope is an exiled wizard who lives in seclusion—and is rumored to have lost his mind.

The years alone on his hilltop estate have not been good for Castiel Novak. After the magical accident that disfigured him and nearly destroyed the village, he drifts through his days, a wraith trapped in memories and depression. Until a stricken young man collapses on his driveway, one who claims Castiel is his last chance. For the first time in fifteen years, Castiel must make a choice—leave this wild mage to his fate or take him in and try to teach him, which may kill them both. The old Castiel, brash and commanding, wouldn’t have hesitated. Castiel the exile isn’t sure he can find the energy to try.

A Demon Like Him by EllenOfOz

Dean Winchester doesn’t want to be a warlock. The idea of working in a lab, channeling demonic magic into enchanted batteries is not what he wants to do with his life, but it’s a dangerous opinion to have—his father was a powerful and well-connected warlock, and Dean is expected to follow the family tradition.

His only way out is to fail the demon summoning class—failure means expulsion from the Warlock College. Despite Dean’s best efforts to fumble the summoning, it works. Although not the way anyone expects.

Dean’s demon, Castiel, is an incubus, but also a powerful mage on a mission to rebalance the magic that is being stripped from Demonside by warlocks.

Dean must choose: fail out of his final exam and turn his back on becoming a warlock, or help Castiel and graduate. But he doesn’t count on how hot the incubus is, or how close they have become in just a few days.

A Working Relationship by fangirlingtodeath513

The homes that Castiel Novak designs for Angelic Houses are to die for. They’re pristine, perfectly designed and organized, and they’ve caused more than a few bidding wars. It’s the perfect job—he’s organized, good with math, and he’s able to pick up on design trends relatively quickly. The only thing that isn’t perfect? His obnoxious older brother, Luke. Castiel’s been vying for a position on a flipping team for years now, but Luke has never even considered it. When a lecherous gossip reporter overhears an argument, they receive an offer they can’t refuse.

They’re invited to compete on Flip Off, a competition where two people flip houses and compete for the highest profit. Castiel wants the leverage a win would bring him, but he also wants to prove himself. Enter Dean Winchester, a contractor with his own team and one that’s blissfully unconnected to Angelic Houses, allowing Castiel to prove himself without any help from the family company.

The undeniable attraction between them certainly doesn’t help matters, but Castiel is resolute in his decision to make a move only after they’ve finished working together. At least, that had been his plan until Dean made him an offer he simply couldn’t refuse.

Crashing In by followyourenergy

Castiel Novak is convinced he’s the last unwillingly single person in Lupine Cove. Even Gabriel, his perpetual bachelor brother, has found love. It’s probably because Cas leads the most boring life in existence. He’s a gay man living in a rented, one-room cottage in the same small coastal town he grew up in, just getting by as the owner of the same convenience store he was practically raised in. The most excitement he gets is chatting with the locals or maybe, if he’s unlucky, oversleeping and rushing to work. So when a baby is left at the Safe Haven drop-off at the local fire station, he takes the opportunity to step in for the child temporarily, at least until suitable parents, plural, can be found.

Life certainly gets more interesting.

And it gets even more interesting when a handsome man comes crashing—literally—into his life.

Make Me Believe by GhoulsnHalos

Ten years ago, Castiel Novak’s stepfather disowned him, taking from him his place as hereditary heir to the head of the Hunter and Warrior Guild. Now, he’s a self-made, and celebrated, master gem and metal smith. Castiel doesn’t believe that the God’s decide your soulmate. Until he designs what can only be a gift fit for his soul mate, who in contradiction to the etiquette, if not the laws of Neffroen, must be a man.

Dean Winchester is convinced that he is a lowly, dumbass, no magic hunter who couldn’t possibly be on the same social scale as a Novak. So, why is it when he spots the jewelled torc in Castiel’s shop, Dean develops an obsession over the neckpiece and its creator? It can't be anything to do with the will of the Gods, no matter what anyone says, because that's baloney and Dean's not into men.

When Castiel’s long-lost brother turns up and suggests he ought to challenge their stepfather and that Dean is destined to help Castiel rule the clan, Castiel takes some convincing. The real problem is Dean. Can Castiel with the help of family and friends convince Dean of his place by Castiel’s side? Can Dean play the part everyone expects of him to help Castiel regain his rightful place in society?

Shielded Heart by JuniperJones

Arthos, the Infinite City, is a place of alien wonders and indescribable beauty—and, most importantly for Dean, it’s also halfway across the universe from his abusive ex-fiancé. He came to the city desperate for a fresh start, but he finds himself downtrodden on a world of aloof alien beings with little hope of finding his place—and a good chance of being kidnapped or killed before he can even settle in.

At least until he is saved by an irresistible alien with piercing eyes and a seductive smile.

Castiel is the living embodiment of temptation, and he makes no effort to disguise his desire for Dean. But when his past threatens to drag Dean into a dangerous underworld, Dean discovers Castiel isn’t who he claims to be. After enduring so much suffering, can Dean bear to take a leap of faith with this mysterious alien? Can he trust Castiel with not only his life, but his heart?

Stumble and Fall by Kitmistry

Castiel was raised to do one thing: serve his country, whether that was fighting a war or becoming an expert spy. But when his lover is charged with treason and executed Castiel defects. He has evidence that can destroy the KGB’s entire spy ring in New Mexico, he has names of scientists involved with atomic weapons who send information to the Soviets, and he won’t stop until he has revenge.

Putting all his trust in the Americans, Castiel finds himself under the protection of U.S. Marshal Dean Winchester, who is too cocky and attractive for his own good, but at least seems to know what he’s doing.

When a routine transfer to a safehouse goes horribly wrong, Castiel and Dean narrowly escape with their lives. With the Marshals compromised and Castiel being framed for murder, he and Dean are on the run from KGB and law enforcement alike. They have no one to trust except each other, and nowhere to go that their enemies can’t reach.

The Shots We Don’t Take by MandalaRose

Still nursing the tatters of a broken heart and trying desperately to stave off the terror of his impending graduation, college senior Cas Novak decides it’s time to blow off a little steam. Not just any hook-up will do, however. The last thing Cas needs right now is a distraction. On the lookout for someone he can enjoy a steamy night of passion with before leaving them behind entirely, Cas thinks he’s found exactly what he needs in cocky university hockey star and well-known playboy Dean Winchester.

Dean is gorgeous, doesn’t date, and is the singular most infuriating person Cas has ever met. He’s the perfect one night stand...that is, until Dean decides he wants an instant replay of what was supposed to be a one-time event. Will Cas’ offer of friends, sans benefits, convince the arrogant love ’em and leave ’em hockey defenseman to find an easier score? Or will Dean wear down Cas’ defenses and lure the sexy nerd in the dorky trenchcoat back to his bed?

Bullets Over the Bayou (fic by mattzerella_sticks, art by dontbelasagnax)

Everyone wants Castiel Novak to quit the force, including Castiel. But he stays on despite the toxic work environment he’s surrounded by. Still believing he can do some good despite the many lines of red tape impeding him. Luckily, a pair of scissors by the name of Dean Winchester drops into his hands, and he finally feels like he can do some good.

Dean Winchester thought he would be in New Orleans for a day or two. Identify the body of his deadbeat father and then move on. No one knows he’s here. His mother and brother are blissfully unaware of the danger his father roped him into. With a parting gift of a journal, delivered to him the same day he received word about his father, Dean has become the target of a group of people who want him dead. The same people who killed his father.

Racing against the clock, can Dean and Castiel figure out what is so important about John Winchester’s journal that someone would kill for it?

Masquerade by noxsoulmate

It had begun as such a good plan; one that benefitted them both. And masquerading as Castiel Krushnic's boyfriend during the weeks of balls, galas, and charity events certainly was no hardship. With the impending end of their arrangement, though, Dean Winchester must admit that behind the mask of an aloof CEO lies a man he could fall in love with. Or maybe, he already has…

The Medium by raths_kitten

Detective Dean Winchester hates it when his Chief sends a medium to consult on his cases. But this time, the murder is closely linked to Castiel’s world and they both need to work together to solve it.

Any Semblance of Touch (fic by saltnhalo, art by c-kaeru)

1925, New York.

Dean Winchester’s life’s work is protecting the world from the supernatural relics that could destroy it. When an amulet with the power to control the tides is shipped to New York, he must intercept it before it can be used to devastating effects. This time, in order to succeed, he needs a powerful psychometric… and the only one available has sworn off the magical world altogether.

Castiel Novak’s gift comes with great risk. To protect himself, he’s become a recluse, redirecting his magic into museum research. But with the city’s fate hanging in the balance, and faced with the power of Dean’s charm and persuasion…

He can’t force himself to say no.

The Love of a Righteous Man by SargentMom573

Five years ago, Captain Dean Winchester defied his father, Senator John Winchester. With his brother Sam, and his spaceship Impala, Dean found his place among a ragtag fleet of pirates and smugglers. Their latest mission left him with a price on his head and a scar on his heart. When a surprise attack separated him from Sam and revealed a Sith weapon, he would do whatever it took to bring his brother back – even sacrifice his own happiness.

After Emperor Michael’s death broke the psychic link between them, Emperor’s Hand Castiel Novak spent years drowning his sorrows at the bottom of a barrel. Mostly sober, three years ago he found a new purpose as the Impala’s Chief Medical Officer, and Sam Winchester’s guide in the Force. And a good friend in the Impala’s gruff but kind Captain.

Dean and Castiel must work together to bring Sam home alive. But when Castiel’s last mission is exposed, will Castiel complete it and destroy any hopes Dean had for a family? Will Dean forgive Cas’ horrific purpose before it is too late? And give them both what they really want — the love of a righteous man.

SKID by spnsmile

Dean Winchester swore off love after getting dumped and fired from his job the same day. Badly drunk, he ended up balcony-hopping until a pair of hands snatched him inside a darkened room. But it's no hero, it's someone with deep voice whispering threats with a gun pointed at his back. Dean’s too drunk to deal with life but one good look at his hot assailant plus enough beer sold him to his accursed fate. The next morning, he found himself engaged to the most notorious leader of a powerful clan, Castiel Novak.

Married life in the compound for a month was not as blissful so when he could, Dean fought for that freedom. Castiel relented and as Dean tried to put the pieces of his normal life together, getting a bike messenger job and dealing with pain in the ass clients, he now also needs to deal with the dangerous presence of his very jealous and very protective husband watching over him.

Is his life ever going to get back to normal?

[221castiel]

Schooled

Destiel Teen AU // read on Ao3 here!

“I would like for you all to read chapter three over the weekend,” the teacher, Rowena calls as she hands out the marked assignments. “And do read over the notes I've left on your essays-” 

Dean looks up as she pauses next to him, her gaze staying locked on his own as she places his essay face down onto his desk. Her expression sat somewhere between annoyed and concerned, with her lips pressed in a tight line but eyes wide.

Frankly Dean wasn’t sure which he would prefer. 

“Are you able to talk after class Dear?” She asks softly, Dean only managing to give a small nod of his head before she walks off again. “And have a good weekend everyone,” Rowena calls just as the bell rings.

As the rest of the class begins getting up, collecting their bags, and sorting through papers Dean doesn't move his gaze instead resting on the paper. Slowly he flips the page over, his heart seeming to stop as his eyes land on the 8.5/20 written in the top corner; a circle had been drawn around it as if the bright red wasn’t enough to get his attention. The text that covered the page had been marked with corrections, pointing out various grammar mistakes, and other errors. 

Fuck. 

That’s all Dean can think as Rowena walks back to his side and crouches next to his desk.

“Dean,” she begins softly, her tone gentle, too gentle. Why couldn't she just yell at him, it'd be easier. It wouldn’t bring the weight to his stomach, or the burning to the tip of his nose. “I asked you to write a five paragraph essay on how war affects humanity using the texts we’ve been reading over the past month.” She pauses, “you gave me a paragraph.” 

He clenches his jaw, forcing a small nod, “you chose three texts, each of those should have had their own paragraph where you explained why you chose them. We talked about this together, do you remember?” 

Another nod of his head. His lips part, a shaken breath filling his lungs, then exiting, staying that way until he’s sure he won’t cry. “I didn’t have enough time,” Dean whispers 

“I gave you an extra week to finish this.” 

Finally he looks up away from his essay and to his teacher's wide eyed gaze. “I think you need to begin focusing more in class and less on your friends.” 

Dean doesn’t reply, he doesn’t think he can. 

“There’s only so much I can help you with. You need to start trying yourself.”

“I am trying.”

“Have you been meeting with your tutor? writing the notes? Reading the practise I give you?” He looks back to his essay, the paper shaking slightly in his hands. “Dean, I know you struggle with english but unless you put the effort in it isn’t going to be easier.” Rowena pauses. “You aren’t even showing up half the time.”

Why would he? 

So he could feel stupid?

So he could sit numb in his spot pretending to understand the blur of words in front of him. Be asked questions he didn’t know the words to, and get yelled at for interrupting again. Every ticking second burning against his skin, the boredom dragging on, mixed with the drowning feeling of not understanding. 

Why the fuck would he come. 

“Dean-”

“I need to go.”

“Can we please finish talking, we need to find a solution.”

Dean doesn't listen, instead grabbing his backpack from the floor, throwing it over his shoulder as he stomps out of the classroom. He makes his way through the school and to the parking lot, pulling open the driver door of Baby and practically falling in. 

Fuckin’ english. 

He throws his backpack to the back seats before crumbling his essay into a tight ball and throwing it onto the ground of the passenger seat. “Fuck!” He screams burying his face into his hands, palms of his hands bruising into his skin causing a dull pain across his face. 

Fuck.

Fuck.

The thought continues to spiral as he sits with his hands covering his face, staying that way until the passenger door is pulled open.

Immediately his hands jolt away, head darting up to meet Cas as the other gets in. “My apologies,” Cas says, pulling the passenger door closed. He turns his head just in time for Dean to plaster a grin across his face, one that Cas returns with a small smile. “Meg had needed help with cleaning up her art project.” 

“It’s all good,” Dean hums. He keeps the smile across his face as with shaking hands he pulls out the car keys and starts the engine. He glances over his shoulders, eyes meeting Cas’s for a moment before he turns back to the road, and begins driving out of the mostly empty parking lot. 

From his right he can hear Cas shifting through his binder, papers flipping slowly, then the soft scratching of a pencil. It’s the only sound that fills the car, Dean’s own mind spinning too much to talk, stomach heavy at the very thought of his essay.

With his left hand still around the wheel Dean reaches his right out, eyes darting to the side just long enough to allow him to lace his finger through Cas’s. The other’s hand’s warm in his own, soft, though not giving the comfort he’d wanted. 

Dean clears his throat his. “Did ya get your chem test back?” 

A small hum comes from his right. “It went well, I got ninety seven percent.”

“Well?” Dean asks, forcing his voice to sound lighter, more teasing then pained. Not wanting the other know the way his heart tugs at the disappointment Cas has for anything less than perfect. “Angel that’s fuckin’ awesome.”

“It would have been better but the teacher had decided the indicator would have become a redy orange, not red.”

Dean clenches his jaw, trying hard to avoid the annoyance that was clear in Cas’s voice. Cas didn’t take ninety sevens, he didn’t nineties, and definitely didn’t take forty twos. He didn’t take less than perfect.

Dean’s less than perfect. 

The small sound of pencil against paper continues as Cas works on whatever homework he has. The small scratching barely audible over his hammering heart, mixed with his spinning thoughts. 

His essay.

Cas.

The math test he has on monday.

Cas.

The science test he’d had the day before.

Cas.

Work

Cas.

Failing. 

Cas. 

Cas. 

“I think we should break up,” Dean suddenly says, the words coming without a second thought. 

“Pardon?”

Before he can stop himself Dean glances to his right, getting a glimpse of Cas’s wide eyed expression, lips pressed in a tight line. His dark hair ruffled and adorable. “I think we should break up,” Dean forces himself to repeat, looking back to the road that spreads out in front of them. 

A sharp inhale comes from his right, causing Dean’s grip around the steering wheel to only tighten, his other hand pulling away from Cas’s and going back to his side. “You think we should break up?” Cas finally says, sounding ust as breathless as Dean feels. “Why?”

Dean’s lips part. Why? Because Dean’s stupid, becasue he takes the easiest math class their school offered and still barely manges to get a high C, because he’s stupid. Because he can barely understand the words he reads. Because he’s stupid. 

Because Cas’s absolutely brilliant, and athletic and perfect.

And because Dean’ss stupid.

“Because,” Dean finally whispers, taking a slow breath. Despite that the air barely fills his lungs, when did it become so hard to breathe? 

“Because- you know,” Dean glances at the other, the words stuck in his throat as his gaze darts across Cas’s face then down his body, before looking back to the road.

He takes the turn out of town and in the direction of Cas’s house, his heart hammering in his chest, grip tight around the steering wheel. “You wear button ups,” Dean finally says, “and I wear t-shirts.”

From the corner of his eye Dean can see Cas’s hurt expression drop, his head tilting to the side as a crease forms between his eyebrows. “You’re breaking up with me because we wear different shirts?”

Dean hesitates before nodding.

“Dean,” Cas says, “are you alright?” 

“Yah.”

“Dean-”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t se-”

“I said i’m fuckin fine,” Dean snaps no longer carring to keep his voice steady, he just needs to scream, to cry, for Cas to leave “I just don’t think things a fuckin workin’ anymore! Don’t you get it, I-” Before he can continue his angered rant, a low groan comes from Baby's engines as the car begins slowing down. 

Shit.

Dean steers the car to the side of the road, jaw clenched as Baby comes to a stop. His foot is pressed to the gas, teeth grinding as that doesn't work, the keys are then twisted off and on, twice without any success. The whole time Cas’s stare burns against the side of Dean’s head only making the fire in his chest hotter.

“Fuck,” Dean screams, slaming his fists against the steering wheel.

“Should I call a mechanic?” Cas suggests softly. 

Dean gives a harsh shake of his head and pushes his door open. “It’s fine,” he mumbles, “I can fix it.”

Much to Dean’s relief Cas doesn’t follow him out of the car and let’s him walk to the impalas hood alone. They were only a few miles out of town yet it was quiet, the only sign of life being a distant house that stood a few yards away, and even that, with its lights flicked off, seemed empty. The sky above a dull grey leaving a chill in the air. 

He can still feel the spiral of emotion coursing through him as he opens the hood and begins working on the engine. A feeling Dean no longer would call anger, he didn’t so much as burn from the inside out, but felt as if he was being torn apart, dull pain piercing every inch of him. Stabbing at his heart and tearing the air from his lungs as his thoughts continue to spiral. 

He doesn’t make an attempt to wipe his eyes as his vision becomes blurry -he doesn’t think it would do any good- and instead keeps his head down. Even as the passenger door opened and closed, and crunching of Cas’s shoes followed. 

“Dean,”Cas whispers, stopping at Dean’s side. Dean clenches his jaw, gaze staying down, he doesn’t think he can look up without crying, he can barely breathe without crying, each breath coming out more shaken, more forced than the last. 

“Dean,” Cas repeats, though Dean doesn’t look up. “Why didn’t you tell me you’d gotten your essay back?”

“Does it matter?” Dean mumbles. He tightens his grip around a piece of the engine, the metal causing a dull pain across the palm of his hand. It doesn’t help, and Dean has to let go to wipe away forming tears. “Not like it’s anything to fuckin celebrate over.”

Cas steps closer and takes Dean’s hand in his own causing Dean to look up, his eyes meeting Cas’s. “You’re still able to tell me,” Cas insists.

“Why?” Dean laughs bitterly, “so you can fuckin’ laugh at me?’.

“Why would I laugh?” A bubble of emotion burns in Dean’s chest as Cas’s gaze darts over his face. He wants to cry, so bad. His failed essay. Driving Sam to soccer practise. The new book they were beginning. His two jobs. His science test on monday. It was all spiralling, crumbling no matter how much he tried to keep it together. 

“Because I’m fuckin’ stupid,” Dean snaps, voice shaking as he speaks, “I’m stupid Cas, I can’t even get a fuckin fifty precent on an essay.”

“I’m- i’m-” Dean gasps, the first tear falls and he doesn’t have the energy to stop the next, a third soon following until his whole body’s shaking with each sob. The pain stabbing through him, burning with each gasped breath. “Cas.”

Cas let’s go of Dean’s hand and instead pulls him into a tight hug, his warmth bringing no comfort as the tears continue to roll down Dean’s face no matter how much he wishes they'd stop. “Cas,” Dean sobs, the pounding of his heart almost louder than his own voice, “I’m try- i’m- I’m trying. I swear.”

He tries to speak more but the words won’t come as sobs rake his throat, tears and snot staining his face. He can barely feel Cas’s arms around him, his own grip around Cas tight as if he was the only thing keeping Dean standing, and maybe he was. 

“I’m trying,” Dean whispers once he has no tears left to cry. “I really am.”

“this is why you wanted us to break up?” Dean doesn’t reply, he doesn’t need to, Cas already knows the answer and the way Cas’s arms tighten around him only further confirms that. “Dean you are absolutely brilliant” Cas says, “one essay doesn’t change that.”

“You know it’s more than one.”

Dean takes a slow breath, an action that seems more forced than it should have. His throat is raw and his eyes feel itchy and dry, yet the pain persists, just as consuming and raw as before. He doesn’t even want to cry anymore, he doesn’t want to scream or throw something, he just wants the pain to end. 

“I am also aware that most mechanics require schooling to know at least half of what you do,” Cas whispers as Dean rests his chin against Cas’s shoulder. Squeezing his eyes shut he takes another forced breath, his hand clenching the fabric of Cas’s trench coat. “Or that no one is as charismatic as you, or kind, or selfless.”

“None of that,” Dean whispers, his voice raw and throat burning as he speaks, “means jack shit.” 

Cas pulls away, letting their eyes meet. Cas’s eyes are wide, the concern in them clear rimmed with the faintest shade of pink that twists Dean's stomach, under Cas’s intense gaze breathing’s hard, standing’s hard, being alive’s hard.

“Dean,” Cas says, he raises a hand and rests it gently against the side of Dean’s jaw, the touch barely ghosting his skin. “You are raising your brother,” he hates himself, “you’re working two jobs,” he hates Cas’s gentle tone, “you can’t blame yourself for your struggles with school,” he hates himself.

He hates himself. 

He hates himself. 

Dean steps away, avoiding Cas’s gaze as he slams the impalas hood shut, “can we just get goin’” Dean says, walking back to the driver’s door. He can feel Cas’s gaze following him, though Dean refuses to meet it, he doesn’t think he could keep breathing if he did. “I’ve gotta get to work.”

Cas doesn’t make an argument much to Dean’s relief and instead takes his seat on the passenger's side without another word. Letting the silence hang, Dean starts the car. He keeps his hands on the wheel, even when all he wants is to reach out for Cas, the pain teetering on the edge of unmanageable. He keeps his eyes on the road even when he gets a glimpse of Cas leaning to the back seat, and he keeps his mouth shut when Cas sits properly in his seat, a book now in hand. 

“Your class started reading this yesterday, correct?”

Dean glances to his side, eyeing the book Cas held out for him to see. Frankenstein, he’d barely made it past the first paragraph before giving up. The story, being written in the 1800’s, was long with a blur of unnessaccary descriptions and words Dean could barely pronounce, never mind understand. Even if he could read it, he doubt it was interesting enough to keep his attention. 

“Yah,” Dean replies looking back to the road. 

The sound of flipping pages comes, then Cas clearing his throat. “To Mrs. Saville, England. St. Petersburgh, December eleventh,” Cas begins, voice steady filling the car as he reads the first line. “You will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an enterprise which you have regarded with such evil forebodings.”

Dean doesn’t stop Cas as the other continues reading through the first chapter, only pausing after each paragraph to explain what was happening or add his own opinions. Once or twice Dean manages to choke out a few words, thoughts -analysis as Rowena would call them- about the story that has a smile tugging at Cas’s lips. They continue that way until Dean pulls up to Cas’s house, his hand finally letting go of the steering wheel to put the car in park. 

He looks to his right, unable to stop a smile as he watches Cas finish reading, the sunlight that fell through the window warming his tanned skin. Beautiful. Add that to the list of Cas’s perfections. Kind. Thoughtful How did Dean get so lucky?

“I am required not only to raise the spirits of others, but sometimes to sustain my own, when theirs are failing,” Cas finishes reading as he folds the corner of the page then slowly closes the book. He doesn’t look up, his expression sat in a way that causes Dean’s stomach to drop. He doesn’t think he can handle another conversation, he’s tired from crying, and the pain had only just become manageable. 

Despite what Dean wants, Cas begins talking. “Dean you are brilliant, and I’m aware that me saying that doesn’t make you believe it,” Cas pauses and takes a slow breath. “But please don’t let that determine your worth, or at least determine whether you are good enough for me or not. You are more than good enough.”

“Cas-”

“Dean, I am capable of making my own decisions and I choose you and I would choose you everyday of my life,” Cas says. “If you can’t realize your own brilliance at least let me.”

Dean opens his mouth, trying to find some argument, some sarcastic comment that would lighten the mood, but nothing comes and instead he’s left to stare, Cas’s eyes locked on his own. Emotion bubbling through his chest. A warmth that makes him want to cry all over again. He can feel the electricity like fire through his veins and for once he welcomes the spiral of emotion.

“Thank you,” Dean manages to whisper, though that doesn’t even begin to cover everything he wants to say, how much he loves the other. How he can barely breathe. How he feels as if he’s melting under Cas’s gentle look. “I love you.”

A smile spreads across Cas’s face and he slowly leans in allowing Dean to meet him halfway for a soft kiss and when they pull away, lips barely grazing, Cas replies; “I love you too.”

[naitiaclo960writings]

Day 7 - Domestic

The moment you feel at home is when you start decorating the house. Dean had been repeating this to Sam ever since they had officially established their headquarters in the Men of Letters bunker. First of all, he began by displaying his favorite weapons in his room: his sawed-off shotgun, the machete he had made in Purgatory, a grenade launcher, his father’s fighting knives, his first stake… Quickly, the souvenir albums had left Baby’s trunk to weigh down the drawers of his bedside table.

Sam ended up imitating him by putting his clothes in the closet first, then his computer pouch in the desk, and finally he ended up storing countless books and tapes in boxes by his bed. Dean had obviously taken over the kitchen as quickly as possible and built his famous "Dean Cave" while Sam could spend whole nights devouring every book in the library or archives.

Castiel had also inherited a room — although it was rarely occupied — and was particularly fond of the calm of the infirmary, watching over one of the two brothers when necessary. Jack, for his part, was in the only house he had ever known and cherished every wall in this underground lair.

However, everyone agreed that the refrigerator was undoubtedly their favorite part of the bunker. The Men of Letters' was not a simple American fridge with two doors, nor even a fridge with a minibar option. No, their refrigerator was absolutely gigantic, with several doors dug directly into the wall and at least two meters of metal in width.

Of course, the food gets everybody to agree —especially when Dean felt like making his own handmade burgers— but that wasn’t the only reason this family was particularly fond of the fridge. It was not so much what was in it that found grace in their eyes, but what was on it.

The first person to hang anything on it was Sam. Tired of having to repeat to his brother to buy vegetables, he had then written a precise shopping list before hanging it with a magnet on the door containing the beers, certain that Dean would fall face to face with it before the end of the day. In response, Dean had hung another post-it on a lower door saying, "Here, rabbit man."

Soon after, Jack felt confident enough to hang one of his drawings, then another. Castiel had happily added the menu of this Chinese restaurant on the outskirts of Lebanon where the Winchesters loved to order after finishing a case. Dean had pinned a few handwritten recipes and Sam was again the first to put a picture of the four of them in the library, playing board games. Months later, Dean solemnly hung his wedding announcement with Castiel below the date of their first kiss, lovingly scribbled on a piece of paper. Little by little, the fridge was filled with memories and post-it notes, a fresco of their lives spread out among the gates of the metal surface.

It was past midnight when Sam decided to have a pick-me-up to continue his search among the archives. He proceeded as usual to his reserved part of the refrigerator when a bright yellow post-it attracted his attention. He knew every photo on this fridge so well that the slightest new element was now popping into his eyes and he came closer to read what it was saying.

"I’m sorry. Can we talk?"

It was definitely Dean’s handwriting. Sam frowned, the cogs of his brain creaking in his head. He hadn’t had a fight with his brother recently, it was barely if he’d seen him for the last two days. Jack had been on vacation with Jody since the beginning of the week and Castiel had left the bunker for… oh.

Dean and Castiel had a fight five days ago. Sam had not really understood the reason for the argument, the two of them shouting at each other behind closed doors before they remained silent for hours. This was the reason why Dean had been locked up in his room since Tuesday and that Castiel only came back from time to time to wander like a lost soul before leaving for an indefinite period. This message was therefore not addressed to him, Sam realized. It was a cry for help from his brother to Castiel. Although the angel did not need to drink or eat, it was true that he particularly liked to look at the refrigerator whenever he could as a reminder of why he called this place "his home".

Sam pinched his lips and decided not to interfere. It was something between his brother and his best friend and he would be there if they asked him for support, but not before. Although troubled, Sam grabbed a beer and a few cherry tomatoes before leaving the kitchen.

To his surprise, the first post-it did not stay on the refrigerator very long. The following day he had been replaced by a note written with much more careful writing despite the austerity of the words.

"You said everything you had to say and so did I."

A cold anger sweated in Castiel’s words. Sam was still in the kitchen when Dean made his entrance, heading for the food first as usual. He was also present when his brother’s eyes fell on the note and he froze to read it in silence. A few seconds later, Dean unpinned the post-it before wrinkling it and throwing it in the trash. He returned to his room without even getting the breakfast he had come to fetch.

"I’m an idiot. Please pick up your phone." Said the following note three days later accompanied by a photo of Dean and Castiel wearing reindeer antennas for Christmas that they had celebrated with family two years earlier. Sam recognized Dean’s trembling hand behind every word.

Sam soon found himself opening the refrigerator more often than usual simply to find out how his brother and Castiel were progressing in their fight, worried about each one of them. Dean was still  as silent as a tomb about it and he hadn’t seen Castiel for a week now. Whatever happened between them, it was by far the longest argument the couple has had to date.

Dean’s last note remained unanswered.

When Sam opened the fridge door one morning to take milk, the post-it had been replaced by another still written by Dean.

"Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word, Elton John"

Sam could not help a small smile from appearing on his face. Dean had always been more gifted with music than words, but the mere fact that he chose Elton John showed something fragile and sincere. Sam hoped Castiel would get the hint. Just below this post-it was pinned a photo of their fingers intertwined, the bright wedding rings to their fingers, as well as a large black feather.

Indeed, the next day, Dean’s note was still there, but this time accompanied by a second piece of paper with an address.

"716 E Montana Ave, 1312, Baker. Room 17. You’re the One that I Want, Grease."

Not more than an hour later, Dean had gathered his belongings and was already finding an excuse to Sam when this one cut him off. They exchanged a look which they alone knew the secret before Dean nodded and fondly patted his shoulder. The next minute, the Impala’s engine was growling in the garage before moving away, leaving Sam free to go and have breakfast with Jack in the kitchen.

When Dean returned two days later, it was with Castiel next to him and a weight off their shoulders. Sam sent them a simple, gentle smile before going to hug his brother and Castiel. When he got up to bring them beers, he noticed that the post-its had not left the refrigerator. However, no one ever removed them afterwards.

The family simply added other memories as life slowly resumed in the bunker.

* * * @winchester-reload  Hi! Here’s a short one for today with my favorite couple. Please, let me know if you enjoyed it!

You can find the whole series on Ao3

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[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Of Gods and Men - Ch 2

Title: Of Gods and Men

Fandom: Supernatural / Vikings

Pairing: Destiel and Sabriel

Rating: Lemon

Tags: canon typical violence and gore, smut, angst, still some fluff

Summary: A Vikings inspired Destiel fic.

    Dean, Barbarian King of the lands, must make a crucial decision in the survival of his people. Leave the one and only land and life they have ever known, leave their home, or make the possibly dangerous journey across the seas to a potentially better life. Who knows what will await him across the waters, hope, future, maybe even destiny.

AO3 Link

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter two

     When he finally returned to Nazareth he was immediately greeted by Sam. He ran up to meet him as he halted his horse, Gabriel trailing not far behind him. 

     “Brother, how was your journey?” Sam asked, taking the horse's reins from Dean, wrapping his free around him in a tight embrace.

     “Insightful. For how long was I gone?”

     “Not but three days.” Dean knew it had been a few, the Gods always kept him for more then one day when he made his way for a visit. “Did you meet the Gods?!”

     Dean nodded, smiling at his brother's excitement. 

     They began walking through the town, Sam passing Dean's horse off to a waiting stable hand. “What did they show you!? What is our future, Brother?!”

     Dean stopped walking and turned to Sam, cupping his cheeks with both hands, “Calm, Sammy, for I know not yet. The Gods were very good to me upon my visit, they showed me many things in my vision and gifted me greatly as well. Before I make any final decisions I must visit the Seer, for even though the Gods were willing and gracious, I still have many questions."

     "Will you go now?"

     "Yes, there are far too many questions left unanswered to wait any longer," Dean patted his cheek and touched their foreheads together, "I will have your answer before we dine tomorrow, then I shall tell everyone what decision has been made."

     Sam nodded against his head then they parted. He stood and watched as Dean began walking towards the cliff that hung over the sea below, and the small shack that made its home atop it. His brother had always been a wise man, he only hoped he would do what he knew he had to and make the right decision for their people. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

     It took Dean no time to walk to the damp and darkened house perched precariously at the top of the cliff. 

     The sea below crashed against the cliffside, forcing droplets of water up and over the top, splashing Dean as he reached the entrance to the small, scraggly shack and walked in. He pulled back the furs that covered the entrance and slowly made his way inside. It was dark, damp, and smelled of the sea water that seeped through the cracks of the shack with every crashing wave coming from below.

     As he walked through he ducked low, bones and trinkets hung low off the ceilings. Gifts to the Seer from the people of the village, a thanks for the wise words surely given to many in times of great distress. He would have to bring one the next time he came.

     With a few small steps he turned the only corner in the shack and entered another small room, a figure sat perched on a pile of furs in the center. 

     "Dean," the figure spoke without even opening her eyes, "you have many questions, I can feel them consuming your soul. Come, sit with me and I shall give you the answers you seek."

     He did as requested of him and sat across from the Seer. A hand was extended to him, a gesture he anticipated from his many times here in his past. He took the offered hand and laid a kiss upon the inside of the Seers wrist.

     "Pamela," he let her hand go and she returned it to her lap, "I do have many questions, for I went to visit the Gods and they gave me much to consider."

     "So they told me."

     "Then you must already know the answers I seek. I-"

     "Dean," she held up a single hand to stop him, "you know I do not work for free, not even for the Barbarian King.”

     "Whatever you want, speak it and I shall get it for you, right now."

     She took a deep breath, wringing her hands in her lap as if itching for the item she sought. "I want to see it."

     "What do you wish to see?"

     "You know of what I speak."

     He looked up to her still calm face, eyes remaining closed, he could not read her intentions. Why this? Why did she wish to see his gift from the Gods? What could it possibly do for her?

     He hesitated on the thought a moment longer before deciding his curiosity was stronger than any other thought, so he quickly rolled up his sleeve, revealing the handprint. 

     "May I?" She held a hand out once more, waiting patiently.

     "You may."

     She hurried to close the gap, laying her hand over the new mark. She gasped as soon as she made contact with his newly raised skin and tossed her head back. Dean noticed it did not hurt, not even in the slightest, and that only made him all the more curious. 

     She brought her head back down to be eye level with Dean, though still entranced by the mark, he could tell. Then when she was finished and thoroughly satisfied, she kept her hand there a moment longer and finally opened her eyes. They were white, pure white, no colour at all. They had always been that way for as long as Dean could remember, even when he would come there with his father as a child. It frightened him at first, until one day he asked what had happened. His father scolded him for asking the wise woman such a thing but she quelled his curiosity regardless, answering, "Got to close to the Gods, pushed too far and saw more than any mere mortal should see." And now looking into those eyes only brought him hope.

     "This gift," she spoke slowly, bringing him back from his thoughts and memories, "it is a powerful gift, you should be honoured to have it bestowed upon you."

     "What does it mean?" He asked, eyeing her hand still rested over the mark, noticing that her hand didn't quite fit it. It was far too small. 

     "You have been touched by true love, Barbarian King." She removed her hand from it slowly, sitting back in her pile of furs. 

     "The love of the Gods?"

     “You, Barbarian King, have always been touched by the love of the Gods, but that is not the love that left this mark here. No,” she paused, taking a deep breath and reaching towards the mark again, though not touching this time, “this is the mark left by a soul deeply connected to you. A profound bond is shared between you and the one whose hand marked your skin in such a way, the strongest of bonds I have ever come to witness in my many years. This is deep love, Dean.”

     “Whose hand belongs to this mark?”

     Pamela went silent again, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. “The Gods do not tell me everything I wish to know, Dean, and there are some things they wish for you to discover on your own.”

     He nodded, then thought back to what they had shown him in the temple. “In my vision, there was a man. A dark haired man with piercing blue eyes as captivating as the sea,” he leaned in closer to her, “he spoke to me.”

     “He spoke to you?! In your vision?!”

     “Yes, he told me to come to him.”

     She closed her eyes again, then shook her head with a sigh, “The Gods are being secretive this day.” Dean rubbed a tired hand down his face, he had hoped for more answers but apparently the Gods were done with questions. “Though, they do speak one word about this vision.”

     “What?!” His head flew back up with sparks of hope renewed in his eyes. “What is the word they speak?!”

     “Destiny.”

     “Destiny?” The hope died out once again and Dean was left with confusion, “What do they mean by that?”

     “I believe your destiny lies in the lands across the sea. You came here looking for a path to follow, and the Gods have given you all you need to make the right decision.”

     “But I do not wish to bring my people across the sea, a perilous journey for many, if only for the reason that my destiny awaits me there.'' Pamela could tell by the tone of his voice that he was begging for more answers, but she would give him no more, and neither would the Gods. “I wish to bring them to a brighter future, a new life, new hope. Nazareth holds none of that for them any longer. If I do not find a way, they will die along with these lands. I will not force them to follow me across the seas only to discover my own destiny, they need more than that.”

     “Perhaps their destiny lies with yours.”

     He opened his mouth to protest further, to beg for more answers, but as he thought about it there was a possibility she was right. The vision flooded his mind once more and not only was Dean happy, but around him was full fields and healthy livestock. Perhaps both Dean’s own destiny and better hope could be found in the same place, on the same path.

     “The Gods will not steer you wrong, Dean. Trust them. It may not be an easy path, but then again it may be as easy as floating atop the crystal clear waters, still as the skies on a stormless day. But no matter what it may turn out to be, the Gods have shown you this vision for a reason. Follow their guidance, for the Gods love you, Dean, more than any man I've ever come to meet. Trust them.” 

     “Thank you, Pamela, great Seer of Nazareth.” She held out her hand again for Dean to take, and he placed one last kiss on the inside of her wrist before getting up and leaving.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     Dean spent the rest of his day thinking on all that had been shared with him, and by the time he walked into the dinning hall to join his brother and their friends, he had his answer. 

     Sam’s eyes met his the second he walked through the doors to the hall, and he knew his brother had been waiting patiently all day for the answers to his own questions. He wasn't at all surprised when his brother rose from his place at the head table and hurried to meet him halfway, grabbing Dean by both shoulders.

     “Brother, have you your answers?!”

     Dean laughed, turning Sam and wrapping an arm around his shoulder as they walked back to the table, “I spoke to the Seer and I have made my decision.”

     Sam's eyes went wide and Dean could see excitement in them, but also perhaps a little fear. “What is it?”

     Dean turned and smacked both hands on his brother's arms, giving him a mischievous smirk then turning to address their friends in the hall. “My dear friends!” Everyone stopped eating and talking, turning their undivided attention on their king. “I have news for you all. I know that our lands have become infertile, unable to bear the seeds that we sow, and now we are close to starving. These lands will not provide for us any longer, and I fear that it could be the end of our people here in Nazareth.”

     He heard Sam take a deep breath beside him, clearly worried for the fate of their people, for whatever Dean decided, even if Sam did not agree with it, he would stand at his brother's side no matter what the cost. 

     “I have spoken with the Gods,” he continued, “and they have shown me a vision of a better life across the sea. And I have seen the Seer, and she has assured me that my, nay, our destinies lay in wait for us in those bountiful lands. And so, I make my decision. We make ready to sail for those lands, who will join me in this quest for future and destiny?! Who will sail the seas with their King and make better our lives for our children?!”

     “I sail with you, Brother!” Dean knew Sam would be the first to join him.

     “And I!” Gabe shouted, coming to stand by Sam's side. Dean was also not surprised that Gabriel would follow after Sam.

And from there, the rest of the hall fell in. Everyone standing, cheering, and saying their ayes. 

     Dean was sure in the loyalty of not only his people, but his friends, his family. But still it brought a wide smile to his face to see it. “Friends!” He shouted, still beaming with the excitement of their new future so close before them. “Ready the long boats and make good this time with your wives, for we set sail for the new lands in two days' time! Our destinies await us!”

~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: So there is chapter two, more to come XD If anyone wants to be tagged just let me know <3

[headcanonfantasy]

Apple Pie life with an Angel, a new God and a dog-A Destiel fic

“I love you.” Castiel struggled as Dean began to cry angrily.

“Don’t do this Cas.” Dean whimpered as he ran to Cas. Cas pushed him away.

“Goodbye, Dean.” Cas started as the Empty began to pour in.

“NO!” Dean roared out as he ran to Cas. “Don’t do this, not without me. You changed me just as much as I did you, Cas. I need you. I want nothing more than to be with you. You leave me, I have NOTHING, Cas.” Dean touched his forehead as tears streamed harder down his face. “I love you.” Dean then kissed Cas deeply, Cas struggling to push Dean away, but Dean was too strong as he held onto his trenchcoat, the Empty coating the both of them in its goo as both men were sucked into the Empty together, Dean never letting go. As they disappeared in tar-like ooze, the only sound in the dungeon was Sam calling Dean’s phone.

..............................................................................................................................

Sam found it hard to sleep, as did Jack. The two men found it hard to cope.

“Without Dean and Cas, we’re sunk. Do you know where we can find Amara? We could use her help.” Sam said as he drank a beer.

“We could also use Dad’s help. He was right about Grandpa to begin with.” Jack said.

“That’s true.” Sam replied. Suddenly, Dean’s phone was calling and Lucifer, once again in Cas’s body, appeared.

“So, dear old Daddy’s been screwing with the world?” Lucifer asked.

“Cas?” Sam asked confused.

“Funny, Sammy. You forget you beat me the last time we met when I was possessing your brother’s Angel of the morning?” Lucifer reminded.

“Right, I forgot. Hello, Lucifer. You got any ideas for beating Chuck?” Sam asked.

“Sure. Hey, I was able to save a dog for Deano, heard ol’ Cassie went into the Empty. Or if Dean went in with him, Jack needs a pet.” Lucifer said. “Really is a miracle. Just found him outside a gas station. Keeping him safe from Dad, but I’ll be sure to ask Aunt Amara when I see her IF he finds us and snuffs the pupper out, to let me take away his grace.”

“Why are you helping us?” Sam asked.

“Is that Dad? I wanna talk to him, knowing how to smite Grandpa. Maybe he has an idea.” Jack offered.

“Jack wants to talk.” Sam said.

“Great, I’ll bring the dog.” Lucifer said as he soon flew himself and the dog into the bunker. “A lot gloomier than I last saw it.” Lucifer quipped when he set the dog down.

“Dad, I see you’re in Cas’s form.” Jack noted.

“Yeah, when you die in one form, you tend to come back in that form afterwards. Like Nick before I possessed Vince Vincente and later Castiel. Sorry about your loss, by the way. But I think I have an idea. Our Aunt Amara has a bit of history with the Empty, yeah? They may be able to make a deal with her if I offer myself.” Lucifer said. Jack was surprised.

“Why?” Jack asked.

“Archangels and Nephilim have the power to take God’s place. You can do it, Jack. Because you’re the Nephilim of an Archangel, that’s why Dad fried you the first time.” Lucifer pointed out. “But first, we must consult our aunt.”

..............................................................................................................................

The Entity couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was because once again, Cas couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was because he didn’t have a reason to sleep and he happened to bring it with him. Maybe it was because that stowaway refused to unlatch himself from Cas and the men were stuck between moaning and giggling and yessing. It was very loud, very distracting and it felt like he was in Hell.

“Dean, that tickles.” Cas giggled.

“I can’t help it, you’re so ticklish, it makes me feel alive.” Dean purred as he kissed Cas’s chest. Cas moaned before arching his back as Dean stroked his groin. Dean crawled back up to Cas and they began to undress each other.

“Oh PLEASE stop.” The Entity begged as he pounded into the floor. “You’ve been drowning yourselves in each other’s pleasure and vice versa since you got here. You have GOT to stop sooner or later.” The Entity began to cry and plead.

“I’m not tired or hungry. What about you, Cas?” Dean asked.

“The only thing I’m hungry for is you, Dean.” Cas said as he nipped Dean’s ear.

“OOH, right there baby.” Dean said as he unbuttoned and unzipped Cas, making Cas whimper with extreme heat and began to slowly stroke the older Angel’s dick. Cas’s whimper soon turned into a gasp and a shout. The Entity pounded his head against a wall of the Empty a la Gordon Ramsay after Jason Underwood told him he was gonna try and make the souffles less sticky to the ramekin with butter, sugar and cocoa powder.

..............................................................................................................................

Once they had met with Amara, she heard pounding from the Empty. “The Empty should be sleeping. Funny, who’s keeping them awake?” Amara asked.

“Daddy’s favorite peeon and his Angel.” Lucifer said as he and Jack flew in.

“Dean’s in the Empty?” Amara was stunned. “No Human should ever BE in the Empty. How’s he surviving?” She asked.

“I don’t know, he latched onto Cas when it happened.” Sam said.

“Oh, Jack. I want to give you back your Grace.” Lucifer said as he cut Jack’s Grace out of him and Jack breathed it back in. Jack then closed Lucifer’s neck.

“Dad, you didn’t have to do that.” Jack said.

“You need more power, son. I never regretted bringing you to life. I was a crap father, but you’re an amazing person.” Jack and he hugged one last time as Amara went to the Empty.

..............................................................................................................................

“Oh God, baby. Yes. Yes, YES DEAN YES HARDER MORE! YESDEANYESGODDEANYES!” Cas was howling into darkness as Dean thrusted hard, hitting the Angel’s prostate. The Entity just continued to pound his head against the wall. Suddenly, Amara appeared.

“Are you here to take the sexfiends?” The Entity asked, eyes bloodshot.

“Are you willing to trade?” Amara asked.

“Who would I like?” The Entity asked,

..............................................................................................................................

When Amara came back, Dean and Cas were barely dressed and still attached to each other.

“Dude, seriously?” Sam groaned as he watched his brother exchange spit with Cas.

“Shut up, I don’t complain when you kiss Eileen.” Dean said as he went back to kissing Cas.

“I get that, your fly though, Dean. Your fly is open.” Sam sighed as he covered Jack’s eyes.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, Amara didn’t have time to let us dress before the deal to take Lucifer in our stead was taken by the Empty.” Cas said as he zipped himself up, Dean following suit.

“Good to have you back, but I never wanna see that much of you again.” Sam said as he patted Dean on the back and then hugged him, then hugged Cas. “Otherwise, welcome home, guys.”

“Great to be back.” Dean said as he kissed Cas deeply.

“Alright, lovebirds.” Amara said lovingly. “Can we go find my brother?”

“Oh sure.” Dean said as he pulled away from Cas and they all headed out to Chuck.

..............................................................................................................................

Amara cuffed Chuck with Enochian handcuffs and Dean kicked him in the nuts. Finally, Jack touched Chuck’s head and all of Chuck’s powers were absorbed into Jack.

“What?” Chuck asked as he gasped. “But how?”

“I got some help from the one son who was right to never listen to you.” Jack said as he finished sucking all of Chuck’s powers and absorbing it into his system.

..............................................................................................................................

After all was said and done, Jack joined with Amara. She’d guide him on how to rebuild Heaven. Before he left though, he gifted Dean and Cas the dog. “Dad wanted you to have him. His name’s Miracle. Dad said it was a miracle Grandpa had missed the sweetcake.” Jack said as he handed Miracle off to the two.

“After years of the ‘No dogs in the Impala’ rule?” Dean asked. “I’m honored to own him.” Dean said. Cas smiled and kissed the dog before kissing Dean softly in turn.

“Where will you go now?” Sam asked.

“I’m thinking a farm somewhere. Or maybe a nice home in a cul de sac. Or even a cabin in the woods?” Dean asked as he looked Cas in the eyes.

“I hear the barn we first met in is being condemned.” Cas said. “We may buy the property and build a nice acreage where I can keep an apiary and Dean can start a garage.” Cas offered. “Maybe I can even grow peanuts and make my own peanut butter.” Just as he said that, Jack gave Cas the gift of Human feelings for food and such, not needing to give him love as Dean had already taught him how to love. Another thing he did before leaving for Heaven was what Amara had done for Dean.

“Sam?” Sam’s eyes widened as he turned and faced the truest love of his life.

“Oh my God, Jess?” Sam gasped.

“Whoa, what year is this? Last thing I knew, I was making cookies when-God, what happened to you?” Jess asked.

“It’s a long story.” Sam said as he hugged her tightly.

I missed you too.” Jess said as she hugged him back. Then, Sam immediately began to kiss her as deeply as Dean was doing Cas when they left the Empty.

“Let’s beat them in our own game by joining in.” Dean said as he pulled Cas in for another kiss.

..............................................................................................................................

The house was amazing. Everything Dean had wanted, a back yard for Miracle and Cas loved the peanut grinder and apiary Dean had set up for him. Especially with the tap so as not to disturb the bees.

“Try my honey roasted peanut butter burgers.” Cas said when Sam and Jess visited them. “Dean makes his own brioche and it’s amazing.”

“He thinks everything I do is amazing. He makes his own jelly though.” Dean said. “I’m telling you, ever since Cas has been able to taste? His pallet makes me purr.” Dean said as he kissed Cas deep, but chaste.

“You make me blush.” Cas said as he touched Dean’s forehead with his own.

“Imagine if that girls’ school managed to find out you’re officially canon.” Sam began to tease. “The musical they’d be making out of that.” Jess punched Sam’s arm.

“Now now, baby. Don’t tease.” Jess said.

“Brothers are supposed to tease each other, Jessie. Don’t worry, it’s a Winchester family tradition.” Sam said.

“Pranks and teasing.” Dean confirmed. “Hot dogs are up.” Dean said as he put them on a plate after cooking them on a grill. Miracle whined as he smelled the hot dogs and Dean threw one to the dog. “There you go, Miracle.” He said.

“Apple pie life really suits you, Dean.” Jess said.

“Thanks, Jess. Congratulations on the baby, by the way. I can’t wait to be an uncle.” Dean said with a smile.

“Thanks, Dean.” Jess said as she hugged him.

Life was sweet. Not just because of the burgers either.

..............................................................................................................................

When Sam and Jess had left, Cas was cleaning up and putting food away. Dean had decided to help after cleaning the grill. However, his help was beyond drying while Cas washed.

“I missed cuddling with you this morning.” Dean said. “I bought you more pectin for your next batch of Blackberry jam you like to make so much.”

“That’s thoughtful of you, Dean.” Cas said as he got lost in washing the dishes. Once they finished washing and drying, Dean pulled him into a dance, putting on a song they first listened to when they officially moved into their new home.

“But I can see how strong a man I’m gonna have to be to do for you what comes so naturally, it’s in the way you move.” Dean softly sang to Cas as he twirled the love of his life around the living room floor. Cas giggled giddily.

“Dean, why so sappy today?” Cas asked when they took a break.

“Cas, to finally let you know after all this time how much you mean to me? I thought I was gonna lose you and with Jack visiting on occasion, I feel we should have a more official title to what we are.” Dean said as he knelt down and pulled out a box. Inside was a honeybee shaped ring with stripes of Citron and Obsidian and Diamond eyes and wings. Cas was in awe at the look of it once Dean opened the box.

“Castiel, I come to you as a man, no more or less, with the hope that I can take your hand in marriage and we can make each other honest men until death parts us.” Dean said as he handed Cas the ring box.

“Oh Dean, it’s beautiful. It had to have cost a forturne.” Cas said.

“Not at all. I know an expert jeweler in town, he was able to get the materials together for the occasion.” Both men began to cry. “Will you marry me, Castiel?” Dean asked.

“Yes.” Cas said as Dean took the ring out of the box and put it on Cas’s hand, then they kissed deeply. They then spent the rest of the night celebrating in a lot of ways. Not only their engagement, but the start of what’s to come in their future.

The End

[fruiitycas]

Hello, I would love to know about the dtscu; can you please enlighten me? ❤️️

oh of course i love spreading the good word of our lord taylor swift. the dtscu refers to the “destiel taylor swift cinematic universe” and is a collection of songs that ms swift has written that I think directly apply to destiel (its okay ms swift i saw your lyrics you can come out as a destiel shipper). i also tag destiel edits that use taylor swift songs/lyrics to make a whole collection of works that ppl have made that combine t swift w destiel. 

this is the link to the playlist with all the destiel songs in my dtscu. (more details under the cut)

some notable additions to the playlist: 

dont blame me (Echoes, love your name inside my mind / Halo, hiding my obsession //  baby, for you, I would fall from grace / Just to touch your face //  Don't blame me, love made me crazy / If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right / Lord, save me, my drug is my baby / I’d be usin' for the rest of my life)

peace (And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences / Sit with you in the trenches / Give you my wild, give you a child / Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other / Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother / Is it enough? / ‘Cause there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west / I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best / But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me / But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm / If your cascade ocean wave blues come / All these people think love's for show / But I would die for you in secret / The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me / Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?)

false god (Remember how I said I'd die for you? // They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith //  But we might just get away with it / Religion's in your lips / Even if it's a false god / We'd still worship / We might just get away with it / The altar is my hips / Even if it's a false god / We'd still worship this love)

sparks fly

safe and sound

ivy (How's one to know? / I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones In a faith forgotten land / In from the snow / Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow Tarnished but so grand // Oh, goddamn / My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / Taking mine, but it's been promised to another / Oh, I can't / Stop you putting roots in my dreamland / My house of stone, your ivy grows / And now I'm covered in you // How's one to know? / I’d live and die for moments that we stole / On begged and borrowed time //  it's a war / It's the goddamn fight of my life / And you started it / You started it)

this love (In silent screams / In wildest dreams / I never dreamed of this // This love is good / This love is bad / This love is alive back from the dead / These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me / This love left a permanent mark / This love is glowing in the dark / These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me)

cowboy like me (You're a bandit like me / Eyes full of stars / Hustling for the good life / Never thought I'd meet you here / It could be love / We could be the way forward / And I know I'll pay for it / And the skeletons in both our closets / Plotted hard to mess this up // Now you hang from my lips Like the Gardens of Babylon / With your boots beneath my bed / Forever is the sweetest con / I’ve had some tricks up my sleeve / Takes one to know one / You're a cowboy like me / And I'm never gonna love again / I’m never gonna love again)

there are also notable subsections: 

The Divorce Arc:

i wish you would (I wish you would come back / Wish I'd never hung up the phone like I did / I wish you knew that / I’d never forget you as long as I'd live / And I wish you were right here, right now It's all good / I wish you would / I wish we could go back / And remember what we were fighting for / Wish you knew that / I miss you too much to be mad anymore)

my tears ricochet (I didn't have it in myself to go with grace / ‘Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave / And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? / Cursing my name, wishing I stayed / Look at how my tears ricochet / And I can go anywhere I want / Anywhere I want, just not home / And you can aim for my heart, go for blood / But you would still miss me in your bones / And I still talk to you when I'm screaming at the sky)

i almost do (And I just wanna tell you / It takes everything in me, not to call you / And I wish I could run to you / And I hope / you know that every time I don't / I almost do)

all you had to do was stay

death by a thousand cuts

story of us (This is looking like a contest / Of who can act like they care less / But I liked it better when you were on my side // Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room / And we're not speaking / And I'm dying to know / Is it killing you like it's killing me? // And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now)

the other side of the door (tell me why you couldn't see That when I left I wanted you to chase after me? / I said leave but all I really want is you / To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming I'm in love with you / Wait there in the pourin' rain, come back for more / And don't you leave 'cause I know all I need is on The other side of the door)

come back…be here (this is when the feeling sinks in, I dont wanna miss you like this / Come back… be here)

The Widower arc/ Post 15x18:

haunted ( I know, I just know You're not gone, you can't be gone, no // Come on, come on, don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Can't breathe whenever you're gone / Can't go back, I'm haunted / You and I walk a fragile line / I have known it all this time)

marjorie (What died didn't stay dead / You're alive, you're alive in my head / What died didn't stay dead //  You're alive, so alive //  If I didn't know better / I’d think you were still around / I know better / But I still feel you all around / I know better / But you're still around)

Cas to Dean:

tied together with a smile (no one knows / That you cry; but you don't tell anyone / That you might not be the golden one / And you're tied together with a smile / But you're coming undone // I guess it's true that love was all you wanted / ‘Cause you're givin' it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket)

innocent (Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything / And everybody believed in you? / It's alright, just wait and see / Your string of lights is still bright to me / Oh, who you are is not where you've been / You're still an innocent //  Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again)

enchanted (This is me praying that this was the very first page / Not where the story line ends / My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again / These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon/ I was enchanted to meet you)

everything has changed (all ive seen since 18 hrs ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile in the back of my mind making me feel like i just wanna know you better now)

mirrorball(Hush / I know they said the end is near / But I'm still on my tallest tiptoes / Spinning in my highest heels, love / Shining just for you //  I'm still a believer but I don't know why / I've never been a natural / All I do is try, try, try / I’m still on that trapeze / I’m still trying everything / To keep you looking at me )

Dean to Cas:

untouchable (I know you're saying / That you'd be here  / But you're Untouchable / burning Brighter than the sun / Now that you're close / I feel like coming undone)

mine (You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded / You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes // Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water? / You put your arm around me, for the first time / You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter / You are the best thing, that's ever been mine )

state of grace (So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong / We learn to live with the pain / Mosaic broken hearts / But this love is brave and wild / And I never saw you coming / And I'll never be the same)

this is me trying (This is very specifically The Trap!Dean) (Pulled the car off the road to the lookout / Could've followed my fears all the way down / And maybe I don't quite know what to say / But I'm here in your doorway / I just wanted you to know / That this is me trying / I just wanted you to know / That this is me trying / They told me all of my cages were mental / So I got wasted like all my potential / And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that)

the archer (Combat, I'm ready for combat / I say I don't want that, but what if I do? / ‘Cause cruelty wins in the movies / I’ve got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you  // And all of my heroes die all alone / Help me hold onto you / I've been the archer / I’ve been the prey / Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? / But who could stay? // Who could stay? / You could stay)

[willowwisk]

Heyy, you said it's ok to give you prompts?

Can you write a destiel fake/pretend relationship maybe? (Any setting works except HS please) You don't have to, of course.

And could you add me to the taglist?

Thank you, have a good day/night!!

AHH! yes of course!  the fic is below the cut. its an au where dean needs to bring a date home for new years.

God. Damn. his father. that son of a bitch. All last year he dragged dean to bring a girl home for the holidays. all week it was “ooh dean, maybe you'll have a girl next year, ooh dean, when re we gonna get to see your girlfriend” what a tool.

but this year he finally stopped and thought. what if he DID bring someone home. stopped the annoying passive aggressive comments? easy. but who could he convince to fake date him?

that was where he hit a wall. No, really. he ran into the wall in the hallway of his dorm. shit. he needs to learn to think AND walk.

“What the fuck was that noise?” he heard from deep inside their studio dorm. “CAS!” he yelled, opening the plywood-esk door. “you’re a genius! I could just kiss you!” dean shrieked, hugging Cas. he would have no problem getting Castiel to relent to his idiotic plan.

“what, dean?” Castiel asked, slightly confused. “ok, so you know that Ryan Reynolds movie?” dean asked, knowing that cas would have no problem remembering every Reynolds movie to exist ever, the man was a wet dream.

“you are going to have to be more specific dean” cas added, becoming a little frustrated. “Sandra Bullock. Alaska.” Dean said. 

“OH, you mean the Proposal? we watched it last month, right? We saw Ryan’s ass?” Cas realized. dean laughed. leave it to cas to remember that. but yea. that's the one. 

once he explained to cas his little predicament and promised him he wasn't going to make him go to Alaska in December, they were packing their bags.

“WOAH cas if you put that in your bag I swear to god,” dean yelled, looking into cas’ duffle bag. the man was folding a Las Vegas raiders hoodie, and dean would not stand for that. 

“what the fuck dean, you know this is my favorite sweatshirt!” he said in his gravelly, back off voice. Cas really had no idea did he. “Cas, you realize we are going to Kansas, right? that's chiefs’ country. if you wear a raiders hoodie anywhere NEAR Kansas, they will shoot you point blank! not to mention my father,” dean said, trailing off.

Dean handed Cas a spare chiefs hoodie from their shared mini closet. “here wear this, I'm your size and you will get a better reaction from the entire state.

cas was shaking his head but he begrudgingly put it in his bag.

and soon enough, they were off! the plane ride was a little turbulent, so of course dean thought he was going to die the entire time. 

when they finally got on the ground, John, Mary and Sam where all there to greet him. Now, dean had told his family he was bringing home a date, but he didn’t specify the gender. they all knew he was bi; he was 20 and a sophomore in college, he was not planning on staying in the closet forever. However, his father elected to ignore that.

he was super excited to see Sam. when he was home for fall break, sam was sick in the hospital with the flu, and he was never really around the whole week. now he was better, and seemingly even taller.

 “whats up bitch!” dean called out, giving him an epic noogie. “Deeeeaaaannnnnn! You’re such a jerk!” sam said, only giving dean more gusto.

“Dean! Sam! Quit it. We are in public.” John said, rearing his ugly head and ruining the fun. “Yes Sir.” The boys said in unison, making cas cringe.

“Dean, who is this young man?” Mary asked, gesturing towards cas and breaking the awkward silence that comes after you yell at your 20-year-old son.

Dean tool a deep breath, looked at Cas and told them that he was his boyfriend. Sam shook his hand, Mary said, “oh, alright! Hop in the car and we can head home” and john said, well, predictably, nothing. He just got in the car and drove home.

When they pulled up at Deans childhood home, it looked exactly as it did when he comes every year. Nothing seems to have changed except Sam’s room since dean was born. “dean, can you take yours and Castiels bags to your room?” mary asked, unlocking the door. Dean had already assured cas that he had had bunk beds in his room since he was 12, and that there was no need to worry about sharing one bed.

Until he walked into his room. If you could even call it that anymore. His black walls? They were now a light shade of baby blue. His music posters? Gone. Replaced by Ikea paintings of bridges and shit. And the worst part, instead of his bunk beds tucked into a corner of the room, there was one big queen-sized bed.

Dean threw the bags onto the bed and yelled “MOOOOOOM!!!!” downstairs he could hear a quiet exchange and a “shit!” before he heard his mom running up the stairs. She had a lot of explaining to do.

After explaining why his room had been butchered and replaced by that Martha Stewart crap, everyone was exhausted. Their flight had come in at 10pm, ad they lived an hour from the airport.

Cas was in the bed, and dean was on a blanket on the floor. Ouch. But that’s when all hell broke loose.

There was a sputter, sputter, CLANK across the house in the wee hours of the night. Everyone was asleep except dean, and he KNEW that sound. The fucking heater had gone out. On December 22nd. In Kansas. F U C K.

Dean lay shivering on the floor, when cas screamed in his sleep. Now dean felt extra bad. He was used to cas’s  tears and whimpers in the night, since they were roommates, but he knew that straight up screams were really bad. Cas had nightmares and PTSD, like, bad. He grew up in an abusive household, and being the youngest sibling of 8, he was everyone’s favorite punching bag.

Dean knew the nightmares circled around that, but he never knew details. After waking cas a lot in his freshman year, dean finally learned that if you wake him up, its really hard for him to go  back to sleep, so cas told him to just let him ride them out.

In the middle of deans thought, cas screamed again, mixed with a chocked back sob. “no, don’t hurt him- no! NO! don’t hurt dean no no no no!!” cas whimpered.

At this point, dean was planning intervention. This seemed way worse than normal, it felt more like a PTSD dream than a normal nightmare. He needed to get cas awake, and now.

Dean hopped up onto the bed and grabbed cas’ face in his hands. “cas buddy, wake up, your safe, I’m here. CAS” dean yelps, trying to wake his friend up.

All of the sudden, cas’ eyes pop open, and! He begins to have a panic attack. But that’s fine. Dean knows panic attacks. They follow their 5 things you can touch, smell, and see procedure, and by the last touch, cas has almost calmed all the way down.

“Cas, what is the fifth solid thing you can touch?” dean asks, praying that cas has calmed down.

Cas reached out and touched deans almost frozen lips. He points at dean.  Cas then notices how cold dean is. He points at dean and puts his arms up in a ‘shivering’ gesture. Ok. So cas is going to be nonverbal tonight. Good to know. That one will be hard to explain.\

Its was also important to mention that cas had autism. He was a confusing little gay disaster that dean was somehow incredibly dependent on.

Cas had lifted his blankets and was gesturing that dean come and get in the bed, to warm up.

Dean was reluctant, but he was just so cold. So he relented.

“I hope you know im getting out as soon as the heat turns back on.” Dean said, crawling into bed.

He pressed his back to castiel's chest, effectively becoming the little spoon. Maybe this fake dating thing wouldn’t be so bad.

They had lost so many hours last night, that when the door opened in the morning, they were still asleep. “boys” mary said in a quiet voice.

This jolted dean awake, who was famously a very light sleeper, only to discover he and cas were even more entwined than before. He was now facing cas, and they were basically hugging horizontally.

“the heater is out ma” dean whispered, trying to not wake cas.

“dean, the heater came back on not two hours after it went out”

 oh my god this was so fun to write, sorry i went off of your prompt a little, i really was afraid it was going to turn into a 100k fic lol and i write wherever the plot bunny takes me.

[bowlegsandbiceps]

Suptober Day 6: Mask

LoveBlock

Mature / A/B/O Dynamics, Reality Show AU / Destiel / 2,735 words (Incomplete)

Read on AO3 

Suptober Masterlist (A03)

Week 1

Castiel Novak tugged at the starched collar of his shirt, shifting from foot to foot in too-tight shoes. It was customary that the Alpha wore a tuxedo to the initial meeting though he wished that he’d insisted on that changing as well. The network had wanted something big for the fifth season of LoveBlock, something different. When Castiel got the call that he was one of the finalists chosen to be that year’s Alpha, he’d been understandably confused given that he’d not entered.

Change #1: Alphas were nominated by family or friends. Thanks, Gabriel.

Castiel did everything he could to throw the interview. He was gruff, unsmiling, and showed up with bedhead wearing the hideous trench coat their grandmother gave him when he’d gone off to college. He went out of his way to be cantankerous and rude, refusing to answer some questions and providing terrible answers to others.

Change #2: The chosen Alpha was quiet, withdrawn, and definitely not interested in finding their true mate. One might even call him an asshole.

In the end, Castiel had agreed to participate for two reasons and two reasons only. Gabriel would be given a huge promotion based on the fact that he’d convinced someone with no desire to be on the show to be their grumpy, jerk of an Alpha for the season, thus finally getting him out of Castiel’s condo. And the other…

Change #3: Contestants could reject the Alpha meaning any contestant that dropped out before Hometown week would be competing on a new network show, EscapePlan, to win $50,000. If the Alpha made it to the finale with any contestants left, he and his chosen mate would both win $100,000

“Stop fidgeting.” Gabriel nudged Castiel in such a way that the point of his elbow rolled painfully over the bone in his bicep, a practiced move he’d perfected when they were children.

Castiel flinched away but stood straighter. “My feet hurt. Why does the Alpha have to be in formal dress? The other contestants have to show their personalities not just with their masks but their clothes too. Why-“

“Shhh, my boss is coming!” Gabriel muttered out of the side of his mouth before stepping forward and extending his hand. “Mr. Shurley! So glad you could make it!”

Chuck Shurley gave a small, friendly wave in lieu of shaking Gabriel’s hand, and Gabe dropped it cringing. “Sorry, no offense man I just don’t shake hands. Nothing personal, promise.”

“No no, sorry I uh, forgot.” Gabe scratched his ear before he turned abruptly to Castiel. “You remember my brother.”

“Yes, of course. I liked the promos you did. They were very controversial. Exactly what we were looking for.” Chuck gave Castiel a nod. Castiel pressed his lips together in a caricature of a smile, but his disdain was evident. Chuck just grinned. “Gonna be a good season.” He looked over his shoulder at the commotion as Fergus Crowley moved towards them.

“Gents,” he said by way of greeting. “Chuck,” he added with a smirk, and Chuck gave a rueful smile in return.

“Glad to have you back, Crowley.” Chuck’s tone implied he was not remotely glad to have Crowley back.

“Glad you agreed to my demands during contract negotiations.” Crowley beamed with a smarmy grin.

Castiel looked to Gabriel who’s lips were puckered, eyes rolling up to look at the palm trees hanging over where they stood at the edge of the beach house’s wide circular drive. That was the face Gabe made when he was trying not to laugh. Castiel began to open his mouth to ask when he received another sharp jab to his upper arm.

“Let’s get started shall we?” Gabe gestured towards the space to the left where Castiel assumed visitors would park but was now lit and prepped for Crowley’s opening remarks before the cattle call began.

How do we fall in love? Do we see someone across the room, strike up a conversation, and the rest is history? Do we catch a whiff of a tantalizing or homey scent and follow the instincts of our secondary gender all the way to mating? Or is it possible to fall in love without seeing someone’s face? Without catching their scent?

For the last four seasons, we’ve been asking this question and so followed four alphas on the journey to true love. We watched them try and see past the contestants’ masks, week after week. We saw scent bonds break emotional bonds once the blockers came off. And we cheered when our Alpha looked into the face of his or her potential One True Mate.

This year, we do it again with an entirely new set of rules and an Alpha as you’ve never seen one. Welcome to LoveBlock.

#

The first limousine slithered up the drive toward Castiel, and he stood stock-still, hands crossed in front of himself. Gabriel had said it made him look like security and not the show’s Alpha, so Castiel had decided that would be how he would stand for the rest of his life. He did his best to ignore the camera to his left and the six or so people behind it as well as the camera to the right and its gaggle of crew meant to capture the contestants as he rushed over to help the contestant climb out of the limo.

Castiel stayed put, the moment stretching, and finally, the door opened, and what looked like the head of a wolf peeked out. “Um.”

“Come on then,” Castiel unclasped his hands to motion them forward, and he could hear the person give a stuttered, o-o-oh…, before a motorcycle boot appeared out the door. A slender woman in a leather jacket and jeans with a frighteningly furry mask walked over to him.

Castiel squinted his eyes. “You’re a horror fan.”

He felt the woman’s surprise more than saw it because well, obviously, and her voice was breathless when she asked, “How did you know?”

Castiel fought the urge to roll his eyes, but his tone made his disdain clear. “Lucky guess.”

The woman hugged him anyway and went off to her first impression interview.

Hannah, Office Assistant, Beta

“Wow, they weren’t kidding when they said this Alpha was different! I mean still handsome,” Hannah paused, to tip her head from side to side, shifting the wolf-head mask in her lap, “which won’t matter in the end I know, I know. But if the guy is gonna be grumpy to start?” Hannah’s blue eyes widened emphatically as she pushed out her lower lip and her huff made her dark bangs flutter. “It’s nice that’s he’s something to look at, you know?”

And so it went for three more contestants. April, a plain brunette Beta who wore safety goggles and a medical mask, was deeply unimpressed that Castiel didn’t understand that she was a dental hygienist from her face coverings. Inias, a male Omega in a suit and the plain, white drama mask they used for group dates before The Scenting, told Castiel he’d have to work to get to know him. Castiel immediately decided he was going home that night. Then Kevin, an Omega college student wearing a giant paper mâché pie on his head, but instead of the typical latticed crust, it contained the numbers 3.14 because he liked math as well as desserts.

There was a bit of a delay after the fifth contestant exited the limo in an evening gown, fiery red hair pulled into an elegant up-do, wearing a printed paper mask with Crowley’s face on it.

“Mother!”

The woman huffed and halted barely two steps out of the limo. “Fergus, you’ve ruined the take! D’you want me to do it again?”

Castiel was intrigued by her Scottish burr as well as the fact that Gabriel had managed to get Fergus Crowley’s mother to compete on the show her son hosted and that was notorious for hookups with  at least one group nude exhibition a season. That had to be some kind of miracle from the TV gods. Gabe did say he felt like this season had been blessed.

Once the yelling stopped, and Rowena, mother of one, Beta sashayed off to do her interview, the limo returned with another contestant. Word must have gotten out that he wasn’t opening the door for anyone, so this time, there was no wait, the door swinging open, and a hand curled over the top of the car while a dusty boot hit the ground. A fit young man pulled himself out, wearing a ripped pair of jeans and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt with a green and black plaid flannel over it, a welding mask covering his face. Castiel nearly rolled his eyes again as the man strode forward, hand extended.

“Hey man, D-”

Castiel cut him off as he clasped his hand tight, feeling the roughness of his palm, callouses on the fingertips. “You’re an artist.”

The welding mask tipped to the side, the man’s body stiffening before his grip became crushing, a throaty chuckle echoing from behind the metal. “Not even close. Mechanic.” Castiel winced as his hand was pumped vigorously. “Dean Winchester. Nice to meet ya.”

Castiel looked off-camera to Gabe. “I thought you said you weren’t bringing in Alphas this year.” His attention returned to Dean as he laughed harder this time.

“Wrong again. Man, this is gonna be fun.” Castiel jumped as one large hand clapped hard against his sternum twice before Dean began to walk away.

Castiel turned to watch him go, taking in his bow-legged gait as he entered the house to go do his first impression interview.

Dean was directed to a stool in the entryway situated in front of a camera and surrounded by lights. He plopped down, heaving a sigh as he flipped up his welding mask before pulling it off his head. He tried his best to ignore the murmurs from the women behind the camera as he dropped it to the floor with one hand, patting his hair down with the other. When he looked up, he could see everyone behind the camera had red eyes, except for the redheaded woman with the clipboard who looked annoyed.

“Sorry about them,” she muttered, jutting a thumb over her shoulder, and the Alphas blinked themselves back to brown or blue, “but in their defense I’m a Beta and a lesbian and woof your face is still pretty impressive.”

Dean managed to fight a blush as he gave a good-natured laugh. “It’s fine I get that a lot.” Dean shifted on his stool, situating his face into a calm, attentive expression, and waited for the Beta producer to look her fill.

“If you could start by stating your name, occupation and secondary gender for the graphics team. This is what will show at the bottom of the screen during your interviews.”

Dean gave a short nod. “I’m Dean Winchesteeeer…” He reached up to scratch at his ear. “Uh, mechanic.” He flicked up a hand and took a deep breath, sighing out, “Omega,” before letting his hand fall to his knee with a thump. It wasn’t enough to mask the unmistakable interested growls of the Alphas on the crew. The producer actually looked over her shoulder and glared at them.

“Go outside. All of you. Yes all of you the camera is stationary and already rolling I can turn it off when we’re done. Thank you. Byyyyyyye.”

Dean chuckled as the alpha cameraman and the other two, whatever they did, sulked away to the snack table. Dean let his amusement sit on his face as he looked back at the producer, who gave him a strained smile. “Sorry, again.”

“Not a problem. I figured I’d be just another piece of meat here anyway.” Dean gave an unaffected wave, and the producer frowned, marked something on her clipboard.

“I’m Charlie Bradbury-“

“Executive producer.” Dean nodded and stretched out a hand. “Nice to put a face to the name in the credits.”

Charlie shook his hand and gave him a surprised smile. “You watch the show?”

“Yeah!” Dean’s face scrunched as if to say, of course, I do, and Charlie tried to force back a laugh but only succeeded in choking herself. She knew the resulting grin he gave her was going to turn Alphas’ eyes red on couches across the country when this aired.

“So did you nominate yourself?”

Dean snorted. “No, no. I was completely content with this being my Thursday night guilty pleasure,” the guy actually licked his lips after he said it, and Charlie made a note to check if he’d done any acting. “My little brother actually nominated me. Said I need to find a nice Alpha and settle down.”

“That’s sweet.” Charlie jotted down, interview brother. “How old is your brother?”

“22,” Dean gave a casual shrug of his shoulder at Charlie’s questioning blink. “Yeah I know he’s also 6’4 so he’s really not that little but old habits die hard ya know? He’s in his first year at law school. He actually started watching the show his freshman year of college. It was one of those excuses to get everyone on the floor in the rec room and make friends.” Dean turned his head, squinting at the camera. “There may also have been a girl involved.”

Charlie let herself laugh this time. “But you also watch the show you said.”

Dean gave a nod. “Yeah, I mean he was in college and I didn’t understand half the shit… er, sorry.” Dean winced, and Charlie waved a hand before giving a sharp clap of her hands that made Dean jump.

“It’s so audio can find the cut faster. Makes a big jagged line in the file,” Charlie explained, and Dean’s eyebrows rose, lips twisting in an impressed expression. “Can you begin again at ‘I didn’t understand?’”

Dean cleared his throat and shifted on his stool again. “Uh yeah, um. I didn’t understand have the things he was talking about. I mean like I said I’m just a mechanic with a GED and a give em hell attitude.” He winked at her, and she rolled her eyes but grinned nonetheless. She was definitely going to be rooting for this guy. “But he went on and on about the show because, like I said,” Dean widened his eyes and muttered conspiratorially through closed teeth, “there may have been a girl involved,” He shook his head and smile. “So I started watching just to have something to talk about with him.” Dean rubbed his palms up and down his thighs a few times. “Well and to help the poor kid talk to the girl. He’s smart and an Alpha but man is he bad with the ladies.” Dean gave a smirk that morphed into a grin before he looked at the floor.

“So are you looking for your One True Mate?” Charlie felt a warm flutter in her chest as Dean lifted his head, green eyes wide and full lips parted in genuine surprise before a blush began to creep up his neck.

“Ah… you know…” Dean grimaced and hissed, giving the camera a side-eye. “I’m not sure they exist.” He gave a shrug. “I mean, that Alpha out there?” Dean jutted a thumb over his shoulder and raised his eyebrows. “Not a bad looking dude. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.” Dean smirked again and chuckled. “But did my insides go gooey at the first whiff of his scent?” Dean scrunched his nose and shook his head.

Charlie smiled. “What did he smell like to you?”

Dean rolled his eyes before closing them and doing a slow-motion fist pump as he mouthed yes. “The first smell montage. Seriously,” Dean gestured with both hands splaying his fingers and then wiggling them excitedly. “It’s my favorite.”

He cleared his throat as Charlie laughed again.

“Uh…hmmmm.” He pursed his lips, looking up and to the right, and Charlie was convicted this guy had at least modeled before because he found the light instantly. His eyes tightened just enough to slant his expression into a sultry stare but let the green of his eyes stay visible. “Rain.” He gave a satisfied nod and looked back at her. “Or, really, a thunderstorm. That thick smell before the thunder and lightening show starts.”

He nodded again, a wistful smile pulling at his lips. “Which seems pretty appropriate given the circumstances.”

[fanaticalthings]

A Cry at the Final Breath

AO3 Link

Warning: Destiel Angst. Like a lot.

——

This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was just a simple vampire case. This shouldn’t be happening at all.

Dean’s surroundings flicker in and out of existence as the blood rushes in his ears. All he can think about is Sam. Sam.

His brother is spasming in his arms and Dean can’t do anything about it. There’s so much blood. God, there’s so much. Dean’s hasty bandage job isn’t gonna cut it. His hands are stained red, and whenever Dean looks over to Sam’s face, the eyes staring back barely display a lick of recognition. 

“Stay with me, Sam!” Dean gives him a good shake, hoping that the eyes that fall in and out of focus will show some semblance of understanding.

“It’s gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay, little brother,” Dean reassures, but to whom, he doesn’t know.

Dean doesn’t notice it, but his face is wet, and he wouldn’t have known had his tears not dampened his brother’s flannel. He’s barely keeping it together. Whenever Dean tries to keep the blood from flowing, his hands come away red.

His heart drops when Sam stops struggling– his body limp in Dean’s arms. His hands start shaking as he reaches for Sam’s wrist, looking for a pulse.

Dean’s hands come up to Sam’s face, and he drops his forehead on top of his brother’s.

“Goddamnit. Don’t do this to me, Sammy.”

Dean’s starting to panic now, and he can’t stop it. His brother’s eyes aren’t opening, and he can’t feel a pulse.

He starts praying. He’s desperate. He can’t let his baby brother die. Not now. Not when he still has a life to live. He knows that no God up there is listening to him, but right now he doesn’t care.

For a moment, Dean thinks of calling Cas, but the thought leaves as soon as it had come. Logically, he knows Cas might not be able to help at all. Hell, he could barely even heal a scratch now. Dean knows deep down that he can’t do anything.

Dean doesn’t know how long he sits there. His legs start to feel sore, but he barely pays any attention to anything else that goes on. He doesn’t even lift his head when he hears the familiar growl of the Impala’s engine. He can hear footsteps approaching, and a lingering presence over him. Without looking, he already knows who it is.

“Dean-”

“Heal him! You can do it, right? You can fix him, right, Cas?” Dean is frantic and doesn’t even let Cas speak a single sentence before he’s desperately pulling at the sleeves of his trench coat. Dean’s not even thinking properly anymore. 

“Please,” Dean whispers.

Blue eyes meet green. Dean can see the guilt hidden behind those eyes, but he ignores it. He’s hanging on by a thread, hoping that it isn’t too late.

Cas hesitantly bends down to press two fingers to Sam’s forehead, but nothing happens.

When Cas crouches down lower, Dean expects him to try it again, but instead, he puts his arms under Sam and lifts him. He looks up at Dean, and he can see it in those blue eyes– there’s nothing he can do. 

A wet laugh wracks through Dean, giving him a full-body shudder. Cas looks like he’s about to cry, but Dean doesn’t care. He can’t look at him right now. He just grabs Sam’s lifeless body and cradles him.

He sits like this for a while and imagines that harrowing November years ago when he carried his baby brother out of the house fire. Back then, he carried a new life out of harm’s way. Now, years later, he was clutching the limp corpse of his brother in his arms.

This was not fair. This shouldn’t have fucking happened. If it was Dean, fine, whatever, but not Sam. Sam didn’t deserve this.

When Cas gently pries Sam out of Dean’s arms, he’s so numb that he doesn’t even fight back. He just lets Cas carry Sam away.

Cas starts to walk towards the Impala with Sam’s body carried bridal style. Dean’s still on his knees on the ground. He doesn’t want to get up. He doesn’t want to do anything. He feels so defeated.

He’s still staring blankly at the dirt on the ground even when Cas returns to urge Dean into the car.

He feels a warm hand on his shoulder, and normally this would ground him– make him feel better, but now it only deepens the gaping chasm he feels in his chest.

“Dean, we should go now,” Cas says softly.

He speaks as if he’s afraid that Dean will suddenly put a gun to his head.

Dean wants to respond in anger. He wants to lash out at Cas and scream. It’s the only thing he knows how to do when faced with grief, but for once in his pathetic life, he feels the fight leave him.

The sky had darkened a considerable amount since Cas had gotten here and it’s starting to get a little chilly, but Dean can barely feel any of it.

“How did you even find us?” Dean grits out. He can still feel Cas’s eyes on his back. A part of him even wants to blame Cas, but Dean stays quiet.

“I felt it,” Cas responds. “Your anguish. I left immediately when I felt you were in danger.”

Somehow this makes Dean feel even worse. He doesn’t respond.

“I heard your prayer. It helped me find where you were.” Cas pauses. “As did your longing.”

Dean doesn’t bother asking him what that even means. He just continues staring at that same patch of dirt near his knees.

Cas crouches in front of him, but Dean doesn’t meet his eyes.

“Please, Dean. We should head back now. You’ll catch a cold if you stay out here any longer.”

Under any other circumstances, Dean would’ve retorted back and told Cas that he didn’t need to be babied, but he can’t find it in him to fuss about it, so he stands up numbly, and walks towards the Impala.

Once Dean gets in, he chances a glance at the back seats. Sam’s body is covered by a sheet strewn over him neatly. Dean thinks it’s probably for the best that he can’t see his brother’s face.

Once Cas climbs onto the passenger seat, Dean starts the car without a word. It stays like that for the rest of the ride with Cas staring worriedly at Dean the whole way home.

——-

The next few weeks pass by in a blur. Dean rarely leaves the bunker after Sam’s funeral.

Bobby, Jody and even Claire visit him in an attempt to get him to talk, to look at them, to do anything that isn’t wallowing in sorrow. 

The empty beer bottles grow in numbers every day, and with each one, the hole inside Dean grows a little bigger.

It still feels a little surreal to Dean. Even now, he sometimes expects to see Sam walking through the Bunker’s entrance. 

Death’s always seemed like a faraway illusion to them, he’d think that by now he would’ve gotten used to it. 

Sometimes at night, when Dean would have downed at least five bottles of beer, he’ll hear a noise and immediately bolt up. He’s foolish to believe it could be Sam, but he hopes anyway. 

It’s never Sam.

Cas is always there. Maybe not right next to Dean, but he’s always lurking. On many occasions, he’ll stand outside Dean’s room and just listen. 

He’s never felt more useless until now– a wingless angel incapable of even healing a stab wound. He suspects that by the end of the year, it’ll be a miracle if he can even power a lightbulb.

He builds a little grave for Sam while Dean is still grieving. It’s the least he can do right now and he thinks he chose a nice spot. It’s near a lake under a maple tree. It’s a beautiful sight.

Dean never visits it.

——

When Dean finally leaves his room, it’s to go on another case. He holds himself differently now– like a broken shell of a man operating on autopilot. Those once vibrant eyes that Castiel always longingly gazed into were now dull and empty. It shakes something in his vessel. Like a bird unable to escape from its cage and take flight.

Castiel is afraid. He’s afraid that Dean will do something reckless in his current state. And without his ability to heal like before, he’s afraid that Dean will get himself gravely injured and he won’t be able to help him.

When Dean finishes packing his duffel bag, he abruptly turns around and looks at Castiel for the first time in a while.

“You comin’ on this one?” Dean says. His voice is hoarse, and he sounds more tired than determined.

“Of course, Dean,” Castiel starts, ”but-”

“Good. Then let’s go,” Dean huffs before turning to walk up the stairs.

Castiel watches as he walks out the door before he follows suit. With Dean the way he is, Castiel can’t afford to leave him alone now.

Ever since Sam’s death, Castiel watches Dean like a hawk. Even when the older Winchester locks himself in his room, Castiel always makes sure he can still reach him if anything were to happen

He’s already lost one Winchester, he can’t lose the other.

——

Castiel was certainly right to be cautious. Immediately into the first fight, Dean charges in headfirst without any warning or plan. 

If Castiel were human, he would’ve felt his heart jump 15ft. But instead, he rushes forward, angel blade in hand to make sure no harm comes to Dean.

It’s a quick fight. The Djinns were vastly weaker and more disorganized than the usual monsters they’d had to face, but it still doesn’t ease Castiel’s nerves.

That night, when they return to the bunker, Castiel grabs Dean’s wrist before he has the chance to bolt into his room.

“What were you thinking?” Cas stresses. Dean doesn’t even bother to look him in the eyes.

“Obviously, I was doing the job,” Dean snaps back.

Nowadays, his patience is always worn thin, and whenever Castiel tries to talk to Dean, he feels like he’s walking on eggshells.

“And what if you’d gotten hurt? What if we’d miscalculated and there were more monsters than we’d anticipated?” He’s speaking to Dean like a mother would her child after causing trouble.

Dean finally looks up and stares Castiel down. The look he gives him is not heartwarming. It does not make his heart flutter, but instead, makes Castiel unfathomably sad.

The man staring back at him is broken and defeated. The once bright soul that Castiel had touched– had cradled in his grasp, was now a distant memory.

“That would’ve my problem to deal with,” Dean mutters back. “and if you don’t like it, then don’t come with me next time.”

Immediately, he turns to walk away.

Castiel doesn’t stop him.

There’s a faint ache in his chest when he hears the distanced click of Dean’s lock.

——

Castiel is visiting Sam’s grave when he feels it. Something is wrong, and he just knows. 

Immediately, he rushes back to the bunker to find Dean’s belongings thrown all over the place, as if he’d been in a fight. But when Castiel opens the door to his room, he sees Dean propped against the wall sporting ugly wounds.

Already, Castiel is at his side. Worry spikes throughout his mind as he inspects the injuries inflicted. 

There’s blood seeping through Dean’s shirt, and Castiel can see the nasty gash near Dean’s hip.

Before Castiel can reach forward to stanch the bleeding, Dean flinches away and swats Castiel’s hand from near his wound.

“Don’t,” Dean starts. He’s looking at Castiel menacingly as if warning him to back off. “Just leave me alone.”

“Dean,” Castiel pleads, but Dean is already turning away.

Castiel catches Dean’s hand before he’s fully out of reach.

“Please,” he begs. His eyes convey an infinite amount of sadness, and he wills for Dean to look at him– to give him a sign that the man he pulled out of hell is still there. “Don’t push me away. Let me help you. Please, Dean.”

Dean reluctantly lifts his head and meets Castiel’s eyes. It’s not much, but it’s a start, and Castiel can feel his heart swell at this small action.

Dean’s let’s out a sigh of resignation. It’s the closest thing Castiel is going to get to an agreement.

He gently grasps Dean’s hands and guides him towards the bed.

Once Dean is seated and shows no signs of getting up, Castiel leaves to get a washcloth and the first aid kit.

When he returns, Dean is still seated at the edge of the bed, looking down at his bloodstained hands.

Castiel begins cleaning the blood off of Dean’s face with the wet cloth. Dean has gone back to avoiding Castiel’s gaze, he forces himself not to feel hurt by it.

Castiel tries to be as gentle as possible, fingers fluttering softly over cuts and bruises. His fingers hover over Dean’s cheek longer than he should. Castiel wants to heal him. He wants to press his fingers into Dean’s skin and make it all better within a blink of an eye. But he can’t, and Castiel’s heart clenches at the thought.

Dean is looking at him now, but he looks wary. Castiel holds his gaze and stares longingly into those all too familiar green eyes. It makes him remember the early days– when every time he came to Dean, he could see his soul resonating throughout the universe. He could recognize this man anywhere without hesitation– this beautiful human that he rebuilt piece by piece in hell.

Castiel bends down to clean the wound on Dean’s side. He gently yanks his shirt over his head and tosses it to the side. He can see the blood splattered all over Dean like a canvas.

As he starts to scrub away at the wounds, Castiel holds back a choke at the back of his throat.

“Why are you doing this?” He whispers. Dean doesn’t answer him– just looks away angrily.

“Why are you hurting yourself?” Castiel continues. His voice is pleading and desperate. The silence stretches on.

It’s so quiet that Castiel can hear water droplets leaking from the nearby sink. Dean still doesn’t answer, and Castiel can feel his heart sink.

His fingers work deftly as he stitches and bandages the injury. There is little protest on Dean’s part, just the occasional grunt or wince whenever Castiel makes contact with the wound.

When he’s fully finished, Castiel looks up to see Dean staring down at him. He hasn’t said a single word so far, but Castiel feels something stir inside him.,

Castiel’s hands come up to Dean’s face– gingerly cupping him. He can see the anguish within the lines on his face, Castiel wants to make them go away.

Slowly, very slowly, Castiel bends down to place his lips on Dean’s. He can feel Dean flinch from underneath him, but he doesn’t pull away. The kiss is soft and passionate. Months of sorrow slip through the cracks in an instant from this one intimate gesture. Castiel can feel his dimming grace exploding within his vessel, sensations tingling throughout his entire body. It feels amazing as if he were a fully powered angel again, but it’s over too soon.

When Dean pulls away, it’s to look down at his hands again. There’s an indescribable look on his face as if he’s contemplating what had just happened.

Reluctantly, Castiel walks away to grab Dean some fresh clothes. He tosses him a faded AC/DC shirt, which Dean immediately slips into.

Without another word, Dean lies down onto his bed with his back facing Castiel. 

“Thanks,” Dean mumbles under his breath. 

Castiel can see that Dean is tense from where he’s standing. He slowly begins to shuffle closer to the bed, feeling the need to fill the heavy silence.

When the bed dips under Castiel’s weight, Dean does not move away; He takes this as an invitation to stay. Castiel remains seated at his side and brings a hand up to Dean’s shoulder– the exact place where his mark used to be when Castiel rebuilt him.

“Please,” Castiel says. It seems like please is all he can say to Dean now. How long it has been since they had last had a normal conversation, he does not know. “Talk to me, Dean.”

Castiel yearns for that sense of normalcy again. He craves those nightly conversations, the needless movie nights and the peaceful car rides that he had once shared with Dean. He does not want things to stay like this. But deep down, Castiel knows that a part of Dean Winchester died alongside his brother, buried far below the surface, never to be seen again. 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Dean grunts and that seems to be the end of it.

Despite this, Castiel continues talking. If Dean will not speak to him, then he will fill the silence with his own thoughts instead.

“You shouldn’t have gone out alone,” he chastises. Castiel knows that Dean does not want to hear this nor will he listen to him, but Castiel feels the need to say this anyway. 

“Please don’t do this to yourself, you mean too much to me,” Castiel whispers. He’s lying down next to Dean now– his back to Castiel’s chest. 

“Sam wouldn’t have wanted this.”

At the mention of his brother, Dean’s breath hitches. He turns around abruptly, facing Castiel with blazing fury.

“Don’t you dare say that,” Dean seethes through clenched teeth. “We all know it should’ve been me. Sammy didn’t deserve any of this crap and you know it!”

The ache in Castiel’s chest returns, and without thinking, he wraps his arms around Dean.

“Don’t say that,” Castiel says under his breath. “Please don’t say that.”

Dean doesn’t push him away.

“All I had to do was protect him. I had one job and I couldn’t even do it!” Dean is shaking now, from rage or sadness, Castiel does not know, but he pulls him closer to his chest regardless.

Castiel does not know what else to say, so he just embraces Dean as the shaking subsides.

“I’m just tired, Cas,” Dean relents. His face no longer conveys anger, but instead shows exhaustion.

“I know,” Castiel murmurs. “You should get some rest.”

Dean does not say anything else after that.

They spend the rest of the night like this, tight in each other’s embrace.

When Castiel wakes in the morning, the space beside him is cold.

——

The next few months pass by no differently. If anything, Dean has gotten worse– he sleeps less, drinks more. Castiel does not know how to help him.

He accompanies Dean on as many cases as he can, afraid that if he looks away for too long, Dean will disappear before Castiel can get to him.

It gets to the point where Dean starts to get irritated, snapping at Castiel when he’s hovering around too much, or running off recklessly when he feels too suffocated.

He tells Castiel to lay off him, and to stop constantly following him like a duckling. Castiel reluctantly obeys.

They never talk about the kiss. Dean acts as if nothing had even happened, and Castiel had resigned himself to rarely initiating any more intimate touches. It hurts him inside, but if it makes Dean less uncomfortable, Castiel is willing to oblige.

Nowadays, Castiel tries to give Dean a reasonable amount of space. He’s read somewhere in a self-care book that people need to be alone at times when grieving to heal themselves on their own. So Castiel stays back on a couple of cases in hopes that eventually Dean will open up to him.

——

It does not get better. It seems now that the gaping chasm between Castiel and Dean has only grown larger. The lasting effects of Sam’s death linger like a skunk’s stench. Castiel doesn’t know what to do at this point, but he still hopes.

When Dean returns from his most recent hunt, Castiel immediately approaches him. The dark circles under Dean’s eyes are more visible than ever now.

“Sit with me?” Castiel asks. He’d already taken out two glasses of whiskey in hopes of making Dean stay.

Dean almost doesn’t acknowledge him. Almost.

There’s still a deep-rooted affection in Dean’s eyes whenever he looks at Castiel. It may be faded and barely noticeable, but it’s there.

Dean slowly sits down next to Castiel and brings the glass to his lips to take a long sip. The kitchen is mostly quiet save for the drinking on Dean’s part. Castiel just watches him. Dean looks more burdened like this. The lines in his features seem to form a constant scowl on Dean’s face more often now.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Castiel breaks the silence. He can hear Dean swallow abruptly. “There was nothing you could have done, Dean.”

Castiel wants to drill it into Dean’s head that he shouldn’t have to carry this pain alone.

“So please, stop doing this to yourself,” Castiel brushes his hand over Dean’s.

There’s still a fire in those green eyes staring back, but the flames don’t appear to be as vicious as before.

“I wish I could take the pain away,” Castiel begins, “but I can’t, so let me in. You don’t have to go through this by yourself, Dean.”

Dean looks away now. Castiel can see him gritting his teeth, and for a second, he’s afraid his words will have meant nothing, but Dean reluctantly turns his head back and stares into Castiel’s eyes.

“Ok,” Dean relents. He sounds tired, but there’s a small acceptance in the way Dean says it.

Castiel smiles. He can see the corners of Dean’s mouth quirk up slightly as well.

For the first time in forever, it feels as though everything will be alright.

——

They slowly start to slip back into their old routine. One day Castiel suggests they have a movie night just like before. Dean begrudgingly agrees. It’s not much, but they’re getting there.

As the images of Tombstone flash across the screen, Castiel finds that he can’t help but stare at Dean the entire time. His features have softened slightly and it calms Castiel to know that Dean does not seem as upset as before.

They sit together on the couch, but neither of them talks. Surprisingly though, this feels fine. Castiel hardly pays any mind to the movie, and he suspects the same goes for Dean. Castiel risks a small scoot closer. Dean doesn’t notice, or if he does, he doesn’t react. Their shoulders are touching now, but it feels right. Castiel had rarely gotten the chance to be around Dean this past month and he intends on changing that.

Even after the movie has ended they don’t move. Dean is staring down at his hands again and Castiel is starting to suspect that something must be bothering him.

“I can’t get it out of my head, man,” Dean grimaces. 

Castiel stares down at where Dean is looking. His hands seem fine, and Castiel hadn’t noticed any injuries, so he stares confusedly back at Dean.

‘What?” Castiel asks. He feels the need to embrace Dean again, but he’s almost certain the action would not be met with a positive response at the moment.

“His blood.” Dean looks up at Castiel. “Sammy’s blood,” he reiterates.

Castiel remains silent. He feels guilty that he doesn’t know how to respond, so he just leans in closer to place a hand on Dean’s shoulder. He can feel some of the tension start to dissipate from Dean’s body. He hopes that this simple gesture will show Dean that Castiel is here for him.

They return back to their comfortable silence, only now Dean is leaning much closer to Castiel. 

After a moment, they talk. Not about Sam, but of small things– like how the price of beer increased recently, or how the Impala could use a wash soon. It’s mostly to fill the quiet of the bunker or to distract Dean from other darker thoughts, but it feels nice. When Castiel doesn’t understand a reference Dean remarks, it earns him a small chuckle out of Dean. It makes Castiel feel warm inside– to be slipping back into their old habits.

They stay like this until morning.

——

Things start to get better, Castiel thinks. The bottles of beer start to decrease drastically, and he notices that Dean does not feel as inclined to rush recklessly into battle every other day.

Dean still rarely smiles, but Castiel hopes that will change with a little more time.

Everything feels more complete with each day that passes that Castiel begins to lower his guard.

For the first time since Sam’s death, Dean goes to visit his grave. He chooses to go alone, which Castiel understands.

When Dean doesn’t return for some time, Castiel starts to worry. He tries to reason with himself that Dean is still grieving and has probably chosen to be left alone to his thoughts, but Castiel cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong.

He calls Dean multiple times, texts him, and even asks Bobby or Jody to try to get ahold of him, but to no avail. Without thinking, Castiel grabs the keys to the spare car and exits the bunker.

Logically, he should calm down and wait for Dean to come back. He always does. But something in Castiel sits uncomfortably, and uncertainty swims in his gut.

As soon as he’s driving Castiel can feel his heart rate pick up and he starts to run scenarios in his head. Dean was getting better, this couldn’t have been happening now, things were returning back to normal.

Castiel internally blames himself. If he were still a fully powered angel he could fly over to Dean in an instant and heal him of any harm.

Now, more human than ever, Castiel can feel the sweat collecting at his forehead, he can feel the underlying fear rolling around in his head. He isn’t even certain he knows where Dean is– if he was even at Sam’s resting place, but somehow, Castiel knows. He just knows where Dean will be, and the thought of it makes his guts churn in dread.

He drives faster. He has little regard for his surroundings, he can only pray that Dean will be okay– that he’ll just be sitting in the Impala enjoying some of his cassettes, losing track of time. Castiel knows this is a foolish thought.

In the distance, Castiel can see a barn coming into view. The barn where Sam died.

As Castiel draws near, sure enough, he can see the Impala parked onto the side.

As soon as Castiel reaches the entrance, he swings open the car door without a second thought and bolts towards the opening of the barn.

He can smell blood mixed with animal droppings and the overall musty odour the barn emits.

With angel blade in hand, Castiel walks through the darkened rooms.

The barn is crumbling from years of abandonment. There are feces scattered about, and broken glass strewn all over the place, Castiel can even see the bodies of vampires littered throughout the confines of the compass, but none of that catches his attention.

It’s so dark that Castiel almost misses him– the crumpled form of Dean Winchester lying at the side of the wall.

Castiel’s heart drops as he races towards Dean.

There’s so much blood, and Castiel can barely feel anything as the adrenaline kicks in.

He turns Dean over and is met with a pained groan.

There is a knife wound right in the middle of Dean’s chest, and Castiel sees his fears flashing to life.

“Cas?” Dean croaks.

It’s said so quietly and weakly that it scares Castiel.

Castiel is already trying to stanch the bleeding. He presses two fingers to Dean’s forehead and prays so desperately that his grace will flow out and heal him. But nothing happens.

Castiel doesn’t realize he’s shaking violently until Dean’s hand comes up to grasp at his trench coat. As Castiel gazes into Dean’s eyes, he sees acceptance. He sees the man lying before him giving up. Castiel holds back tears.

“Why would you do this?” Castiel whispers. His voice comes out shaky and broken. He’s trying so hard not to come apart.

“Had to…teach those bastards…a lesson,” Dean huffs out. His breathing is ragged and there’s more blood pooling underneath him. Castiel can tell that he’s barely holding on.

Dean’s eyes roll in and out of his head as if he’s trying to stay awake. He looks up at Castiel and offers a small smile.

“I’ll get…to see Sammy..soon.” Dean coughs and sputters and more blood comes out every time he moves.

Castiel can’t stop them now. The tears come bursting through the dam at the sound of those words. He’s rarely ever cried before but now he can’t help it. Had he not been enough? Had he not done something right? He had thought Dean was getting better, he thought he was helping him.

Castiel is practically hyperventilating now. His chest aches so much that it’s all he feels now. Had this been what Dean had felt?

He can feel a hand resting on his cheek and Castiel looks back down at Dean. He suddenly looks so sad. That previous triumph and acceptance long faded from his eyes.

“Don’t cry,” Dean whispers. It’s so hard to hear him that Castiel has to lean further down. “I’m sorry.”

Castiel is crying more now. He feels so small at this very moment– so helpless and pathetic. It’s hard to believe that he was once an all-powerful being capable of mass destruction.

“I’m sorry you had to deal….with me….You didn’t deserve….any of this.“ 

Castiel clutches Dean tighter at this.

“Don’t ever say that!” Castiel tries to shout, but it comes out barely comprehensible and strangled. “If I had the chance to do this over again, I’d choose you. It was always you. You taught me what it meant to be human.”

Castiel can’t find his breath as he speaks, but he has to say more, he has so many more things he would like to tell Dean– things he needs to tell him.

“You taught me what it was like to feel love,” he murmurs into Dean’s ear.

Castiel can hear Dean scoff at that. Even bleeding to death, Dean still has the energy to retort back.

“I bet… I was a pretty…crap teacher,” Dean lets out a small chuckle. Castiel drops his head onto Dean’s chest. He can hear the weakened ba-dump of Dean’s heart starting to slow.

He wanted to do so much more with Dean– watch terribly written movies, go out to bars and get drunk, drive around in the Impala. Castiel had hoped he would get to experience more of humanity with Dean at his side, but with every second that passes, that dream seemed to flicker like a candle’s dying flame.

As Dean’s breaths start to slow, Castiel continues to hold him close. Castiel hopes that somewhere, in another universe, he’d be living out his happy ending alongside the Winchesters– alongside Dean.

“I love you,” Castiel whispers softly into Dean’s shirt. “Please don’t go.”

Even after Dean’s body slackens in his grip, Castiel stays like this for a little while longer, holding the man he gave up everything for.

At the final breath, all Castiel can do is cry.

[bre95611]

Dean and Castiel in Season 4: Part 3

Before I get started, this is the 3rd part of a series, so to read from the beginning, go here, or you can find the masterlist here. Thank you to all who have been reading from the get go, my first meta after joining the fandom, and thank you to all of you just now reading. I hope you enjoy. This one is real real long, so bear with me. Look below the cut for my extensive ramblings about these to Dumbasses. Here we go!

First things first, let’s look at the timeline of the Anna and Dean relationship. Keep in mind, the entirety of their romantic relationship took place in the span of a 2 episode arc. A lot of this is just a reiteration of Part 2, so have a refresher:

They first meet in episode 9, while Anna still believes herself to be a human. We discover the first thing she hears on Angel Radio is about Dean, specifically him being saved.

Now, in 4x10, after Anna gets her memories back, the group has a little chat, trying to figure out why Cas and Uriel have orders to kill Anna. She disobeyed, she fell, which we are told is almost the worst thing an angel can do (we learn much later what IS the worst thing - a human/angel relationship that produces a nephilim). After Pamela goes home, Dean and Anna have their first conversation alone.

This conversation was overloaded with interesting insight to Dean Winchester, which I go over in Part 2, but let’s look at the broad strokes of what they discuss that leads directly to them getting it on in the backseat of the Impala.

DEAN: Feelings are overrated, if you ask me.

ANNA: Beats being an angel.

DEAN: How’s that possible? You guys are powerful and perfect. You don’t doubt yourselves or God or anything.

ANNA: Perfect… Like a marble statue. Cold...no choice...only obedience. Dean, do you know how many angels have actually seen God? Seen his face?

DEAN: All of you?

ANNA: Four angels. Four. And I’m not even one of them.

DEAN: That’s it? Well, then how do you even know that there is a God?

ANNA: We have to take it on faith… Which we’re killed if we don’t have.

Here we go! Bonding over some lack of faith!

ANNA: I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just...watching...silent…invisible...out on the road...sick for home...waiting on orders from an unknowable father I can’t begin to understand. So don’t tell me that - 

DEAN laughs.

ANNA: What is so funny? What?

DEAN: Nothing. Sorry. It’s just… I can relate.

Followed by some Daddy Issues! Cool. First two big stepping stones in their relationship. Think about how similar Anna and Dean’s situations “growing up” were, Dean working a job that no one knows about, saving people that didn’t even know they were in danger, never actually having a home, and John, the unknowable father that Dean strove to gain approval from.

And then in true Sam “Interrupting Moose” Winchester fashion, he breaks up the little potential love fest because he found Anna’s grace.

Fast forward to after we find out Anna’s grace is gone and the angels are going to throw Dean back to Hell if they don’t hand her over.

DEAN: Hey, let’s can the “thanks for trying” speech, you know? Participation trophies suck ass.

ANNA: I don’t know. Maybe I don’t deserve to be saved.

DEAN: Don’t talk like that.

Alright. Let’s jump over to “Lazarus Rising” real quick.

DEAN: And why would an Angel rescue me from Hell?

CAS: Good things do happen, Dean.

DEAN: Not in my experience.

CAS: What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.

Similar, huh? In these situations, Dean and Anna are filling the same role. Dean is attracted to that connection he feels in her, especially when you take into account the distance he is feeling when it comes to Sam, considering the Ruby influence (Yellow Fever meta, a huge part of Dean’s fear of Hell is rooted particularly in Sam moving closer to the “darkside”, i.e. when hallucination!Sam flashes Yellow Eyes). He’s desperate for some sort of common ground. And here he finds it. Anna thinks she deserved death, where Dean thinks he deserved to stay in Hell. The both have demanding, impossible-to-please fathers, that they used to follow in blind faith, until they lost that faith, resulting in a falling out.

ANNA: I got to tell you something. You’re not going to like it.

DEAN: Okay, what?

ANNA: About a week ago, I heard the angels talking… About you… What you did in Hell. Dean, I know. It wasn’t your fault. You should forgive yourself.

DEAN: Anna, I don’t w-want to, uh… I don’t want to.... I can’t talk about that.

ANNA: I know. But when you can, you have people that want to help. You are not alone. That’s all I’m trying to say.

ANNA kisses DEAN.

DEAN: What was that for?

ANNA: You know… Our last night on Earth… All that.

DEAN: You’re stealing my best line.

So what do we get from this? What are the key moments here? Anna brings up Dean’s time in Hell. So she is one of how many people that know that Dean went to Hell? Know what he did while he was there? Angels know. So Cas and Uriel. Only angels we have met thus far, so the only ones narratively relevant. You know who doesn’t know yet? Sam. The most important person in Dean’s life does not know that he was tortured for 30 years and tortured souls himself for another decade. And as I mentioned in the “Yellow Fever” mini-meta, Dean’s time in Hell is VERY DEFINING for him, especially this early in the season, so soon after coming back. One of the most important traits of Dean at this point in his life is what he did while in Hell (at this point, he has spent nearly 60% of his life there), and Anna brings it up. And tells him to forgive himself for what he did. 

There is also the lovely part where Anna steals Dean’s best pickup line. 

SO! What happens between Anna and Dean that leads to sex in the backseat?

Lack of Faith

Daddy Issues

“Don’t deserve to be saved.”

Dean’s time in Hell

“Last night on Earth” pickup line

Moving onto the timeline of the Dean/Castiel relationship! Everyone still with me? Great!

Back to Lazarus Rising, we have this:

DEAN:[ …]I mean, what are you?

CAS: I’m an Angel of the Lord.

DEAN: Get the hell out of here. There’s no such thing.

CAS: That is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.

Castiel immediately calls Dean out on a lack of faith. Looking at the overarching plot in the Kripke era, it’s very interesting, Castiel bringing this up right off the bat. If you go back through earlier episodes, Dean’s faith is brought up multiple times, in season one where the faith healer’s wife had bound a reaper, and again, specifically in the context of angels, in season 2 with the episode “Houses of the Holy”. Dean does not have faith. That’s basically his shtick. So to have an Angel of the Lord appearing in front of him, claiming to have pulled him out of Hell and telling him that Heaven has “work for him to do” (an entirely intentional throw back to the pilot, I’m convinced), it makes him question all of that, instilling in him a large portion of his personality in season 4, his “lack of faith”. 

Why is this important, though?

I’ll tell ya why! Because it is bonding material. And the writers use that as a way to find common ground between Dean and both Cas and Anna. With Cas, right off the bat, and again in 4x07 “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester”. And then with Anna in 4x10 “Heaven and Hell”.

Shortly after we have this:

Now the following episode keeps a beautiful consistency with the themes of lacking faith and being saved.  4x02 opens up with Dean reveling in his lack of faith, showing that despite pretty explicit proof of angels existing, Dean is still skeptical. Then from there, it doubles down on the very first Destiel conversation, taking the line “You don’t think you deserve to be saved?” and making the whole next episode about all the people the Winchesters couldn’t save. These two defining bits of episode 2 draw even more attention to these defining moments of relationship development. SO while it isn’t a heavy Destiel episode, it has its purposes in the romantic narrative, subtly boosting the biggest bits of their existing relationship.

Let’s jump up to 4x07 “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester” and look at the tail end of the conversation between Dean, Cas, Uriel, and Sam about the witch trying to raise Samhain. Uriel has just brought up “purifying the city”.

CAS: We have no choice.

DEAN: Of course you have a choice. I mean, come on, what? You’ve never questioned a crap order, huh? What are you both, just a couple of hammers?

CAS: Look, even if you can’t understand it, have faith. The plan is just.

SAM: How can you even say that?

CAS: Because it comes from Heaven, that makes it just.

DEAN: Oh, it must be nice, to be so sure of yourselves.

CAS: Tell me something, Dean, when your father gave you an order, didn’t you obey?

Sassy Castiel is just my favorite. While Anna presents her Daddy Issues in a softer way, emphasizing not knowing hers, Cas leans into the soldier side, how John was when he was there. This is an interesting difference, where Anna was already lacking in faith, God is directly paralleled to the angel’s faith by his absentee status with her, but with Castiel, who has faith in God, he’s bonding with the militaristic aspect of John’s treatment of Dean, bonding on his presence.

Next time we see these two Idiots in Love interact, it’s at the park. The bench scene. Imma be real with y’all, this is my FAVORITE Destiel scene, and contains my favorite Destiel line.

After Cas admits that their true orders were to follow Dean, not save the town, we have this:

DEAN: So I failed your test, huh? I get it. But you know what? If you were to wave that magic time travelling wand of yours and we had to do it all over again, I’d make the same call…

CAS: You misunderstand me, Dean. I’m not like you think. I was praying that you would choose to save the town.

DEAN: You were?

CAS: These people. They’re all my Father’s creations. They’re works of art. And yet, even though you stopped Samhain, the seal was broken, and we are one step closer to Hell on Earth for all creation. And that’s not an expression, Dean. It’s literal. You of all people should appreciate what that means.

Whoa, buddy! Cas knows what Dean did last summer. Or whatever season it was. I already talked about why this is important. At this point in the narrative, very very few people know what Dean did during his stint in Hell, so this is a Big Deal. Cas just peppers it into the conversation like its not important, which I like. Cas is showing Dean right now that despite what he did, Cas doesn’t look at him differently. Cas doesn’t look at him as evil or broken, which is undoubtedly how Dean sees himself. Cas views it as just something that happened, an unavoidable speed bump in Dean’s life. That one sentence is all we get about Cas’s view on Dean having been to Hell and what he did there, showing us how negligible it is to Cas. In his eyes, Dean is still the Righteous Man, through and through. 

To complete this lovely timeline of the early Destiel relationship, we have to jump way ahead to season 5. In episode 3 “Free to Be You and Me”, Castiel is searching out Raphael the archangel. We have this glorious little bit of dialogue.

DEAN: So last night on Earth. What are your plans?

CAS: I just thought I’d sit here quietly.

DEAN: Come on, anything? Booze, women?

CASTIEL looks at DEAN, and away, uncomfortable.

DEAN:You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least?

CASTIEL rubs the back of his neck.

DEAN: You mean to tell me you’ve never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?

CAS: Look, I’ve never had the occasion, okay?

DEAN: All right.

DEAN grabs his jacket.

DEAN: Let me tell you something. There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let’s go.

Oh, Dean, your eternal love for a celestial wavelength of intent is showing! So there we have it. Dean used canonically his best line on Cas. And not only did he use this line on his totes platonic BFF, he used it in conjunction with “Bert and Ernie are gay.” Good Lord. 

So there you have it! The timeline of Dean and Anna’s relationship is just a condensed version of Dean and Castiel’s. Let’s just talk about how entirely intentional this is for a second. Before I have a whole other rant’s worth of parallels beyond these. So Misha Collins was originally slated to be in 3 episodes. What are the first 3 episodes he was in? Literally the first 3 of the season. The 2nd and 3rd episodes were fairly sparse in interactions between Dean and Cas, but damn if that first episode didn’t surely establish Destiel as the ship to end all ships(I’ve seen a post floating around actually that talks about how the very first Destiel fanfiction was posted less than 24 hours post premier of “Lazarus Rising” so...draw your own conclusions there). So when Misha finishes his filming and is gone for episodes 4,5, and 6, I’m sure people started getting all worked up, worried about just what had happened to everyone’s favorite angel. So they brought Misha back, and a handful of episodes later, Anna is introduced! The earliest parallels in the relationship are all Anna mirroring things that had happened already between Dean and Castiel. THIS WAS INTENTIONAL. This was to show us the early canonical plan to begin subtextually writing Dean and Cas as a couple. I think a lot of it has to do as well with the Cockles conundrum of Which Came First, Cockles or Destiel? Cause Jesus H. Christ, the chemistry.

So there we have it. At the basest level, Destiel has been intended from the get go, and real talk, the deeper into this current season we get, the more absolutely convinced I am that we’re going to get in-story, explicit confirmation of Dean and Castiel’s romantic love for each other. Like, they're going back to Purgatory. I can't handle it. 

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Those crazy ol’ writers didn’t just stop there with the parallels between these two couples. With the introduction of Anna’s character, as I laid out in Part 1 of this meta series, they wanted to make sure we, the fandom, would Get It, and doubled down, displaying a subtextual relationship between Anna and Castiel. And you know what? Those crazy bastards just kept the parallels and mirrors coming! 

Up to this point, I’ve been focused mainly on the relationships from Dean’s point of view. But what all is going through Cas’s head?

Let’s look at 4x10 “Heaven and Hell”.

Some important background information, for those of you who haven’t been obsessively rewatching season 4 in hopes of inspiration for your season 4 based meta series (What? Just me?), the last time we have seen Cas is in 4x07, during the bench scene. The scene where Castiel confessed he was experiencing doubts, and we see for the first time how Castiel feels about humanity. 

CAS: ...I was praying that you would choose to save the town.

DEAN: You were?

CAS: These people. They’re all my Father’s creations. They’re works of art.

Even at this point, only the 4th time we have seen Cas, he establishes he is in love with humanity. He always has been. This entire scene, as I said earlier, is one of, if not my favorite, Destiel moments. And it’s because of this soft Castiel, digging deep to explain himself to this human he carefully pieced back together after fighting his way through Hell to save him. Cas confiding in Dean is so important, showing us how much Cas cares for Dean and how quickly that has all happened. Cas has always been amazed by humanity, so all the comments throughout the seasons showing Cas being in love with humanity is textually true. Cas calls them works of art. However, following this statement of love for humanity followed by showing his feelings for Dean by confiding in him ("If I tell you a secret will you promise not tell another soul?" Come on what is that?) is really telling of how Cas's love of humanity leads to him falling in love with Dean as well. He was already in love with humanity. Not that hard to just capitalize the one letter.

This scene though, Cas confessing his doubts, his growing lack of faith, leads to Cas being reset. Next time we see him, the last minute of 4x09, he pretty quickly establishes he has been “reset”. Spot on acting from Misha. Knowing what we do about Naomi constantly resetting Cas, it makes this obvious looking back on the season.

This cycle of doubting, confiding, and then being reset all over again doesn’t just happen with Dean. It happens a bit later, but this time with Anna!

Jump ahead to 4x16, and Cas is once again experiencing Big Doubts about God and Heaven. This time though, he turns to Anna, his ex. 

ANNA: The father you love. You think he wants this? You think he’d ask this of you? You think this is righteous?

CASTIEL can’t meet her eyes.

ANNA: What you’re feeling? It’s called doubt.

Now let’s jump back to 4x10, specifically the first Anna and Dean conversation. Throwback to Part 2, where Dean’s side of things in so rich and beautiful and a perfect look into Dean’s psyche at the time, going so far as to spawn and entire separate meta about Dean’s fears. The flip side of that, however, shows us more than just Anna’s insight on angels. It gives an interesting parallel to Castiel and what he would consider “worth falling for.”

ANNA: I don’t know. There’s loyalty...forgiveness...love.

DEAN: Pain.

ANNA: Chocolate cake.

DEAN: Guilt.

ANNA: Sex.

These are all things that the Winchester’s have shown Castiel over the year. Loyalty, Dean rooting for him in season 6, hoping he hadn’t betrayed them. Forgiveness, oof. Cas has made mistakes. They all have, and every time, they forgive Cas. Love. I wouldn’t be writing this if it weren’t for love. And then we have chocolate cake. That’s Cas’s PB&J, before it starts to taste like molecules again. And then there’s sex. Once again. Dean. Duh. 

And if that scene weren’t damning enough, let’s look at this from 4x22. 

What did Dean say about humanity to Anna? Confused, afraid, pain, guilt. God, I quit. This show is just ridiculous. In 4x10, he is talking bad about humanity, putting it down. Let’s not forget that Dean IS humanity. He was being about as self-deprecating as it gets, fresh out of Hell, believing he doesn’t deserve to be saved. And then we have this. Dean trying to convince Cas that humanity is worth saving! And what does Cas do? He confirms what Dean thought earlier. Dean continues to play Anna’s role, pro-humanity all the way and it shows us some growth!

DEAN: You can take you peace...and shove it up your lily-white ass. ‘Cause I’ll take the pain and the guilt. I’ll even take Sam as is. It’s a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it.

Wow, Dean. Talk about a 180! This is literally a complete flip from his conversation with Anna! Such a beautiful scene. They throw in the “good soldier” line, and this response from Dean is essentially just him talking to his past self via Cas. Anna, Cas, and Dean are in a constant revolving parallel/mirror. They all fill each other’s role in a different way every scene and I LOVE IT.

Back in 4x10 we have a few lovely and iconic lines. 

DEAN: Don’t normally see you off your leash. Where’s your boss?

URIEL: Castiel? Oh, he’s, uh… He’s not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you. Time’s up boy. We want the girl.

DEAN: Wouldn’t try that if I were you. See, she got her grace back. Full-blown angel now.

URIEL: Wouldn’t that be a neat trick, considering… [takes out a necklace]... I have her grace right here. We can’t let Hell get their hooks into her.

DEAN: Well, then why don’t you just give her back her angel juice?

URIEL: She committed a serious crime.

DEAN: What? Thinking for herself?

So they’re talking about Anna, an angel that fell for humanity, and they’re talking about Castiel’s absence, due to him being in love with Humanity. Cool. Heaven knows that Cas can’t be around Dean, who has already caused Castiel to need to be reset twice since their first meeting. Castiel is another Anna just waiting to happen.

After the demons duke it out with the angels, we don’t see Castiel again until the tail end of 4x15 “Death Takes a Holiday”, after he captures Alastair.

DEAN: So, what now, huh? The people in this town, they just gonna start dying again?

CAS: Yes.

DEAN: These are good people. What, you think you can make a few exceptions?

CAS: To everything there is a season.

DEAN: You made an exception for me.

CAS pauses, then looks at DEAN.

CAS: You’re different.

Can you feel the gay? Can you? Ugh. 

This is the first conversation they have alone, since the park benches. Since Cas has been reset. If you look at the Dean and Cas relationship through that lens, specifically looking for when Cas has most likely been recently reset, it changes your whole view of early season Castiel. I don’t know about you all, but my first time watching this show, I didn’t see Destiel AT ALL. It wasn’t until the second time through, seeing those early episodes with the two of them knowing that Castiel has been reset, knowing that that is even something the angels have the power to do. It really changes your perspective on their early relationship, and makes up for the discrepancies in the plot hole of Misha’s “hot and cold towards Dean” acting. 

Episode 16 “On the Head of a Pin” revolves around Dean’s time in Hell. This is the first real mention we get of it since he confessed to Sam what happened, going more in depth as to what it was that Dean did when he was there. The first Dean and Cas interaction of this episode is very interesting. Let’s look at a quick timeline of when Cas has been reset thus far, that we know of at least. First, we have a gap from episode 4 to 6 where Cas is not there, and not really mentioned either. Saving Dean, and those first few interactions with each other did a number on our poor angel, bringing out the questions. In episode 7, we have the bench scene confession, prompting the angels to need to intervene. So Cas gets reset. Next, we see him again in episode 9 and 10, where we meet Anna. Being around Dean again, coupled with his ex, so the 2 people that have started to sway him away from the will of Heaven and show him the benefits of Free Will, fast tracks his doubts all over again, leading to another lengthy stint in Naomi’s office during the events of episode 11-15.

When Sam and Dean walk back into their motel room to find Uriel there with Cas, Uriel is the one standing front and center, Cas off to the back, practically in a corner, despite being the typical go between for Heaven with the Winchesters. Even when Dean tries to bait Cas with a comment about how he remembers Pamela, as he is the one that burnt her eyes out, we get no sort of response from him except for a pretty solid bitch face. Then he finally speaks up, after Uriel meets Dean with nothing but disdain and rudeness.

CAS: Dean, we know this is difficult to understand.

URIEL: And we-

URIEL gives CAS a significant look.

URIEL: -don’t care. Now, seven angels have been murdered, all of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight. 

Cas is now under orders to “Shut the fuck up and stop talking to your boyfriend” basically. And Uriel is there to enforce it. That look is Uriel telling Cas to watch it, that he’s once again getting too close to Dean. One thing that the transcript doesn’t show though, is Cas after Uriel gives him that look. You can literally see him slip back into the “good soldier mode”, watch him turn rigid and cold and distant from Dean. And you can see the way Dean’s eyes flick back to Cas, hoping he will stand up to Uriel, put him in his place like he has done in the past. And you see it not work. Oof.

And then, when Cas finally starts talking again, visually moving himself into the conversation (as if they already planned for him to be the one to ask Dean, taking advantage of Dean’s obvious attachment to Castiel), he tells Dean he’s their only hope to crack Alastair and find out who’s been killing the angels. 

DEAN: No. No way. You can’t ask me to do this, Cas. Not this.

He pleads to Cas. Obviously he would plead to Cas. The first person to ever mention knowing what happened in Hell to Dean. The one responsible for pulling him out of there in the first place. And honestly, I like to headcanon it was a straight up battle. And part of Dean remembers his rescue, remembers Cas saving him. Maybe Cas saw him in action? Maybe Cas saw him at his lowest and still chose to rescue him. Ugh. They’re precious.

And then they zap Dean away, and we have Cas comforting Dean, essentially. Making sure he knows that Alastair can’t hurt him this time. And Dean is still ready to bail, because duh.

DEAN (to Uriel): ...You can make me do whatever you want. But you can’t make me do this.

CAS: This is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it.

Why does Cas know it’s too much to ask? CAUSE HE SAW DEAN IN HELL. No one else has been presented to us as having any intimate knowledge of what happened with Dean in Hell, except this episode just keeps smacking me over the head about how Cas knows better than anyone that Dean can’t torture again. Let’s think about who knows real quick: Cas, first person to ever bring it up, and then throughout the season it comes up more and more, Cas talking in a knowing way as if he is intimately aware of the level of trauma Dean sustained there. Then Uriel brings it up, not in front of Dean. And surprise, he’s a dick about it. Trying to use it as leverage with Sam. And then Anna says she heard it mentioned on Angel Radio. And her telling Dean it’s okay, as I talked about in Part 2, her saying he should forgive himself, it pushed them straight into the backseat of the Impala. And then Sam finally gets clued in about it all during the scene Jensen should have won an award for, cause good lord, the crying while sitting on the Impala? God bless.

Of the people that talk specifically to Dean about Hell, Cas was not only the 1st person to bring up he was aware of what happened in Hell, he is also the only one with firsthand experience. Anna was clued in by Angel Radio, and Sam was told by Dean. This gives Cas a completely different perspective, but he has also been fairly recently reset. So while part of him, the part already head over heels for Dean is trying to shelter him from as much pain and difficulty this situation is bringing, he also has his orders. 

DEAN: What’s going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?

CAS: My superiors have begun to question my sympathies. 

DEAN: Your sympathies?

CAS: I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I’ve begun to express emotion. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgement.

So we all know from the bench scene that Cas was past the doorways to doubt. He is full blown already putting his faith in someone other than God. He’s been putting his faith in Dean for a while now. Maybe since before Dean refused to let Uriel destroy the town, even. Maybe since he pulled Dean out of Hell? Who knows. It is explicitly stated that it wasn’t just humans, not just humanity in general that was causing problems with Heaven for Cas. It was just Dean. He says he was getting too close, beginning to express emotions. What emotions might those be, Cas? Surely not the beginnings of an undying love and affection for Mr. Humanity? And interestingly enough, as soon as Cas is reminded of the fact that he isn’t supposed to be close to Dean, what does he do? Turns to stand facing away from Dean, looking off in the distance, chin up, stock still. The same stance from earlier in the hotel room when Uriel reminds him of this same exact thing. 

DEAN: Well tell Uriel, or whoever...you do not want me doing this, trust me.

CAS: Want it, no. But I have been told we need it. 

DEAN: You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you might not like what walks back out.

CAS: For what it’s worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.

Oof. This scene always wrecks me. “Good Soldier” Cas can’t even look at Dean, Dean can’t look at Cas. It’s heartbreaking. But god, this is so romantic and tropey. It’s like the scene where the like, retired spy or ex-con has to get back into the game, and trying to convince his wife or something it’s a bad idea. 

God and that line Castiel has?  “I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING.” Oh would you? Would you sacrifice everything for Dean Winchester? We been knew. 

And then the framing of the scene where Dean walks into the room to start torturing. Oh man, Cas, framed like the angel on Dean’s shoulder in the background, and then the door swings shut, covering Cas perfectly. Essentially saying “this is not holy” and some bad shit is about to go down. Gorgeous.

And then Dean starts to torture Alastair, and Cas can hear it. The look of pain on his face. Yikes.

We have a little baby mirror when Anna shows up, lights flickering, one of the bulbs breaking, very reminiscent of Dean and Cas’s first meeting. 

And then let’s jump ahead to when Dean is in the hospital. He just got the shit beat out of him by Alastair, Cas tried to save him, failed, and Sam came in to save the day.

DEAN is in bed, heavily bandaged with a breathing tube and an IV drip. SAM sits next to him. CAS appears at the doorway, pauses, and continues down the hallway. SAM follows him out of the room.

CAS: Sam-

SAM: Get in there and heal him. Miracle. Now.

CAS: I can’t.

SAM: You and Uriel put him in there-

CAS: No.

SAM: -because you can’t keep a simple devil’s trap together.

CAS: I don’t know what happened. That trap...it shouldn’t have broken. I am sorry.

SAM: This whole thing was pointless. You understand that? The demons aren’t doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers.

CAS: Perhaps Alastair was lying.

SAM: No, he wasn’t.

SAM goes back to DEAN. CAS looks as though he has been slugged in the face.

So here we have Cas feeling responsible for Dean’s current condition. We find out shortly after that Cas made the devil’s trap himself, which is why he was so sure Dean would be safe. Sam demands Cas heal him and he says he can’t. After he seeks out Uriel and confesses he thinks God might not be the one in charge anymore, who does he seek out? Anna. He seeks out Anna in regards to his wavering faith. He went to Dean first though. Dean being incapacitated, he sought out the next best person, his ex, who he had planned on falling with years ago. Cas tells Anna that for the first time he feels. Whatcha feeling there, buddy? Love? His conversation with Sam, demanding he heal Dean, seeing Dean hurt like that and finding himself unable to help, it broke through reprogramming with a quickness, and prompted Cas to seek out Anna in hopes of some direction as to where to go from there. Every time Cas considers disobedience, it’s in regards to Dean Winchester. Back in 4x07, Cas begins to show us this mindset when he confesses that he was hoping Dean would save the town. And from then on, Cas just considers disobedience faster and faster post reset every time.

And then, after Anna kills Uriel, we see Cas sitting fucking vigil at Dean’s bedside. I’ve definitely read that fanfiction before. 

CAS: Are you alright?

DEAN: No thanks to you.

CAS: You need to be more careful.

DEAN: You need to learn how to manage a damn devil’s trap.

CAS: That’s not what I mean. Uriel is dead.

DEAN: Was it the demons?

CAS: It was disobedience. He was working against us.

Disobedience, huh? Textually, we have Uriel being disobedient, killing angels and recruiting for Team Lucifer, but what did Cas say to Anna? “I’ve been considering disobedience.” He killed an angel.

DEAN: Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?

CAS: Yes. When we discovered Lillith’s plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you-

DEAN: Jump-started the apocalypse.

CAS: And we were too late.

DEAN: Why didn’t you just leave me there, then?

CAS: It’s not blame that falls on you, Dean, it’s fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.

DEAN: Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don’t you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean!

CAS: I don’t know.

DEAN: Bull.

CAS: I don’t. Dean, they don’t tell me much. I know our fate rests with you.

DEAN: Well then you guys are screwed. I can’t do it, Cas. It’s too big. Alastair was right. I’m not all here. I’m not- I’m not strong enough. Well, I guess I’m not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It’s not me.

DEAN begins to cry.

Learning from Alastair that he is the reason all of this is happening is HARD. Dean has been struggling for a while about his time in Hell. Think back to my Yellow Fever companion meta for a bit. Dean’s biggest fear is his time in Hell, if he is actually all there now that he’s back, and coming to terms with what he did. Daddy Issues is on there too, and hearing that his dad never caved, that once again, Dean is shown to be a disappointment to John, breaks him all over again. And god, when Dean starts crying with Cas there. He barely hides it from him, so overwhelmed, hoping for some sort of support. Think back to when Dean tells Sam about what happened in Hell, he spends most of his time turned away from Sam, hiding his break from masculinity, but with Cas, he embraces his emotions, and says he can’t do it. This reminds me so much of the bench scene, but flipped. It’s Dean’s turn for a confession, Dean’s turn to say he has no clue what to do, Dean’s turn to tell Cas something if he doesn’t tell another soul. And to tie it all up with a bow, Dean throws in some shared trauma with the mention of both their dads being disappointed. Cas understands Dean’s ties to John in a way that no other character can. And as I talked about earlier, it is a key point in their relationship. Anytime these two talk about their dads, it is just tying them even closer together.

In the Yellow Fever meta, I established Daddy Issues as one if Dean's 3 largest fears. I also talked about Dean's closeted bisexuality. So let's talk about that closeted bisexuality in context of Cas. In 4x10, while talking with Anna, Dean talks about confusion being a part of being human. I talked in Part 2 about that confusion in regards to Dean's time in Hell, but I think it's especially poignant when coupled with Dean having just been talking about angels. I think a lot of the Anna/Dean relationship is Dean wanting Cas, and not knowing how to deal with that attraction. His subtextually homophobic father has recently died, something Dean absolutely hasn't dealt with, just got back from 40 years in Hell, where, especially looking at the conversation between Dean and Alastair in 4x16, it's heavily implied Dean was sexually assaulted as part of his torture, and then to top it all off, his savior is smoking hot. As Yellow Fever shows us, Dean is not comfortable in his sexuality, particularly being open with it, and now hes being constantly put in sexually and emotionally charged situations with the sexiest angel in the garrison. Dean is confused about this doubly forbidden attraction (angel and male presenting). So when he meets a female ex-angel that manages to check all his boxes, of course he goes for it! It's a way to live out his fantasy in a safer way. 

And there you have it kids! Dean and Cas were intended to get together from day fucking one. Anna’s relationship with both of these men pretty explicitly depicts that over the course of her handful of episodes, and the writers of this show wrote all three relationships beautifully through the parallels and mirrors.

Thank you all for supporting me throughout the writing of this series. I know my sporadic posting has been hard to keep up with, and real life delayed the writing and posting of this SO many times. Specific shout outs to @agusvedder​ for gifs and encouragement, @verobatto-angelxhunter​ for so many kind words, and @theirprofoundbond​ for all her help getting this out there to all of you. I appreciate all of you guys that take the time to read, like, and reblog my Destiel dumpster fire ravings on season 4. 

[wordstrings]

Inbox dump 

(brace yourselves, I’m including the timestamps because these have been sitting forever and you may literally forget ever having sent one of these because they’re from so long ago 😬)

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Anonymous said: March 11th 2014 *Clears throat* Non-canon verse, uni AU probably *strums guitar and takes a deep breath* DUEEEEE TO A COMPUTING errORRR, dean and gabe are stuck as roomatesssssssss, whilesamandcascanbestucktogethertoo that'snotaneccesitybutitwouldbegreaaaaaaaaattttttttt, and veeery soon it turns into something of a friendship BUT THEEEENNNN dean fights with saaAAAM and gabe is like "dude stop being so upset" aND FLUFF HAPPEeeeeeEEEEEEeens! *stands up and bows* tyvm for accepting debriel though like omg <3

I’ve been rewatching some of Supernatural seasons 5 and 6 this past weekend, and it reminded me how much I love and miss Gabriel. I still maintain that Debriel is a super-underrated ship. The manic-chaos potential is *muah*. (see: #Debriel)

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Anonymous said: August 7th 2018 psst... light back tickles while cuddling in bed are pure™ and wholesome™

Good shit good shit good shit

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Anonymous said: September 19th 2018 I love science and go to public seminars as often as I can. I walked in to the most recent one (which I had picked at random), and it was on the science of tickling. There were demonstrations. There were hand gestures and finger wiggling. There were in depth descriptions of the anatomy and physiology behind ticklish spots. It was legitimately your Amateur Production’s fic, and I was Kevin. Worst of all it was 2 hours long. I think I died during it and my soul was sucked into hell.

Uhhhhhh where can I get a copy of the slide deck?? Asking for a friend. (see: #series: Amateur Production)

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Anonymous said: September 23rd 2018 your art skills have me shook in the best possible way

aaaahh thank you! Fun fact: I went to art school and even took illustration as a concentration area but I’ve hardly drawn anything for like ten years. When I do draw, it’s usually because there are feelings that I don’t wanna do words about. (see: #strings does art)

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Halo!anon said: September 27th 2018 A small, sinful part of Castiel had the urge to gloat. It was somewhat dampened by the fact that Dean was still under the impression that being abducted is peak romance."I can't believe you went out of your way to set up our second date!" He'd squealed, as Castiel tightened his restraints. - little excerpt of a sequel to Date Nights with Demons i had planned for months but abandoned. halo!anon

Your demented version of Demon!Dean is so entertaining 😄 (see: Date Nights with Demons)

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Anonymous said: November 6th 2018 Aaaaah your Gabriel / Kali drabble was adorable, I can't help but love seeing our mighty archangel reduced to a mass of giggles, and you write Gabriel so so well <3. I love your writing your stories always brighten my day ^^

It’s so rare for him to let his guard down, isn’t it? But when he does, he has a grand old time of it. :) (see: this drabble)

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sarah-lou-who said: November 8th 2018 1/4 Boo! The ghost of my online presence in the community is peeking its head in because I need help. I don’t have a platform or following to sound an alarm, so I’m using my platonic tumblr wife’s platform and following for me, because that’s what platonic tumblr wives do. Right? Anyway, I’m very actively fixated on Attack on Titan atm. You know this very well. You also know my predicament. I seem to have exhausted the entire supply of tickly AoT content I’m interested in that exists currently. 2/4 So, if you’re willing to publish these for me, I’m crying out into the vast TFB lands hoping that there’s someone out there to answer the call. I am in desperate need of tickly AoT content. I don’t know if anyone around here writes for it much these days. I haven’t found anyone. And I know beggars can’t be choosers, but it can’t be helped; I really only care if Eren is involved. Even better would be Levi, but I haven’t found ANYTHING involving him, so I feel like asking for that is futile. 3/4 I digress. Even after all this time I can’t keep my asks less than 50 parts long. So my goal here is that someone, somewhere, will by chance come across these, and be able and willing to either write fic of the tickly variety for Eren and/or Levi from Attack on Titan, or direct me to someone who can, if they know a person who knows a person who knows a person. (Sidenote, hi anyone who still remembers me! It’s Sarah, the more ticklish half of Leerah. I’m doing good and I miss you!) 4/4 (I hope you’re all doing well!) Thank you for letting me take advantage of your devoted followers, Strings! Love yaaa!!!

Ah, my platonic tumblr wife Sarah returns! (Digitally, anyway. Reality-wise, we hang out all the time and it’s probably very rude of me to have not published this ask for so long!) I keep teasing her that she has a Type, and that is dark-haired sulky badass who’d probably make a wicked ‘ler – AoT Levi, SPN Cas, FMA Roy, etc. So anyway, if anyone knows of somewhere I can point her to find the content she’s (still) craving, lmk!

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Anonymous said: October 23rd 2019 I’m sorry if this is invasive in any way, but how is Sarah doing? I’ve been absent from Tumblr for a couple years and I see that her blog is now deactivated. I was just wondering if she’s doing alright and if she’s still around here on a different blog maybe?

See above! She doesn’t have a TFB community blog anymore, but she’s doing well. We’re quarantine buddies and helping each other out a lot. Very kind of you to ask! <3

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Anonymous said: December 2nd 2018 Hi, sorry to bother you but do you know what happened to prodigal-anon’s blog? It seems to have been deleted. Sorry again if you’ve been asked this before

No worries, friend! Here’s an answer for you!

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Anonymous said: December 13th 2018 I LOVE THE LOOPY SERIES! I love it so much, is there any chance you’ll be doing a part four? I’d give anything to see Cas and Dean tickle each other, it would be so cute 😍

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I haven’t entirely stopped writing... and Loopy 4 is one of those unfinished pieces that has seen a few additions lately. :) I’ve learned not to make promises about when something might get finished and posted, but I genuinely do believe this may be one of the first things that shows up once I’m ‘back in the game.’ Stay tuned... (see: #series: Loopy)

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Anonymous said: January 1st 2019 No no no you can't just stop there! I need more fluffy destiel with tickles and kissing! Pretty please?

I believe this is in response to Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight. Don’t you worry, anon – Dean and Cas are not done being fluffy on this blog!

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1832wasalongtimeago said: January 25th 2019 Hi I just wanted to pop in and say the Maintenance series is amazing!! The second part was doing things to my poor heart I’ve read it like 5 times already. You’re such an amazing writer and thank you fo writing for us!

I’m very flattered, but I can’t take credit for the Of Maintenance series – that’s the lovely work of ask-flip-frost! It does things to my poor heart, too, so you’re in good company. :)

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Anonymous said: January 26th 2019 Sam Winchester can take a lot of things. The one thing he CAN'T take? Someone using baby talk on him when he's being tickled. He collapses into a puddle of helpless giggles faster than a house of cards in a stiff wind.

Precious Sammy just needs to laugh and be held, doesn’t he? <3

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Anonymous said: May 17th 2019 Thor needs tickles. So. Damn. Much.

Oh this was from right after Endgame came out. Thor did make me feel some sads there. :( Poor bab.

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 hi! i’ve read your wonderful fics forever but i’ve never really sent anything like this before so i don’t really know what to say.. but i had a destiel tickly thought and really wanted to share it with somebody, so here goes i guess- dean is taking too long in the shower so cas decides to use his mojo from the other room to speed things along. and listens to dean’s echoey laughs through the door. that’s all. sorry if this is weird! okay bye have a good one

This is not weird and I may have delayed in telling you any of my feelings about it but I definitely have a doc somewhere that has some vague notes about how I’d like to write this because I like it!

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Anonymous said: August 6th 2019 Anhhgff your Good Omens tword fics are so cute snvfddf i never knew I needed that of my favorite husbands till now😳😍

I know, right?! They’re just dying to be dropped into every fluffy situation. (see: #Good Omens)

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 Poking my head in to say hello, hope you’re doing well still! I just got into Good Omens and I absolutely loved your fic! (I watched the show first because my book was taking too long in the mail lol) Also, the other week I somehow talked myself into making a tfb blog, after all these years of almost doing so before chickening out (this ask isn’t from it because I just hopped in here briefly in a private phone browser to say hi, it’s literally just august-anon though) ~August!Anon

August!anon, I’m always so happy to see you stop by! Tagging your (not-so-new anymore) blog so everyone can check you out: @august-anon​

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hey-teenblog said: August 4th 2019 I love your fanfiction very much! They give me a lot of pleasant emotions. And most importantly, they, saturated with tenderness and love, gave me to accept myself as lee!! sorry for my english, i'm russian Love you 😘❤️

I will never tire of hearing things like this! Thank you for telling me. “Saturated with tenderness and love” is a such wonderful compliment about my writing – thank you very much! No need to apologize for language differences; I’m always impressed with anyone who manages to pick up English because it’s bonkers. 

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Anonymous said: August 23rd 2019 Hi! Just found this blog and wondering some basic info. ** What fandoms do toy write for? ** Do you accept prompts? ** Do you write reader insert fics? Thank you lovley ❤️

Anonymous said: August 29th 2019 Do you write tickle fics for bnha?? Asking for a friend 👀👀

The only fandoms I have reliably been able to write for are Supernatural and Good Omens – but even Good Omens is a rookie player here. Supernatural is my main jam, and Destiel is my favorite flavor. I don’t do reader inserts, but I’m always “accepting” prompts. I just haven’t written many of them for quite a long time now, so you’re welcome to drop them as long as you’re okay with them collecting dust. (see: this selfsame post)

My About/FAQ page is very dusty right now, too, but there might be some useful tidbits in there for you.

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Anonymous said: November 12th 2019 okayokayokay. Have you watched Lucifer? It's on netflix, it's great, so much emotions and pining. (Also, y'know, reg. Luci stuff. He runs a club. Bad jokes. It's great.)

I haven’t, but it’s on my Netflix watchlist, so I’ll get there eventually! I saw a gifset once where he actually did the thing I see in winged fanfic all the time, where there was gunfire and he sheltered someone he cared about with his manifested wings. And honestly, that was the deciding factor for me.

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Anonymous said: November 16th 2019 Oh Man U listen to Critrole as well! Nice! Campaign 1 was awesome but also heartfelt and really gut-punching at points. Who is your fav so far, anyone you aren’t fond of? (& Out of interest do you have any tickle related thoughts on the main crew or upcoming Fics we can look out for? As you said it’s tumbleweeds out here for this fandom’s tickles and I’ll take anything really 😂!) Hope u enjoy!!!!!

It’s STILL tumbleweeds out here and it’s making me crazy! My heart belongs to Vax primarily, Percy secondarily. I don’t really have cohesive thoughts or headcanons about anything, unfortunately. I do have this one mental picture that keeps coming up that I keep wanting to see art of (who knows, maybe I’ll commission somebody someday?) – of ridiculous brute Grog just lifting Vax straight up in his arms and gettin’ wiggly with his fingers while all Vax can do is laugh and pry and kick while absolutely nobody helps him.

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Regarding #series: Accessor:

Anonymous said: August 31st 2015 I would like to see accessor!verse cas using feathers on Dean!!! and NIBBLES and RASPBERRIES and TEETH and TONGUE and WOWWWWWW

ME TOO, FRIEND. It’s been aaaaages since I published anything new for the Accessor AU, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been going back to my unfinished docs every once in a while to add a few lines here and there. ;) 

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Anonymous said: October 29th 2016 Prompt: Cas is put in charge of getting a treaty with a neighboring country that shares a lot of the same customs, including Accessories, with certain... twists (think Bracelets AU) and treats their personal slaves (like Accessories) like people (listening to opinions, giving proper care, etc.). The foreign diplomats keep bringing that up and talking to Dean. Cas isn't sure he can make it though the diplomatic proceedings. Also, he might be having improper thoughts about that custom and Dean...

I’m posting this here, but I’m definitely keeping this filed elsewhere because it’s FANTASTIC.

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Halo!anon submitted: June 4th 2018 I can’t help but imagine how tickling must play a part in other aspects of society in the accessor ‘verse, besides the sessions between master and accessory. So here’s some imagines and headcanons, with a touch of worldbuilding. (Warnings, besides the usual for this AU: death mention, reference to past trauma.)

- Among the high class, during parties and other celebrations, it’s seen as a common courtesy to string up one’s personal accessory in the center of the room and let the guests entertain themselves with them. Lord Castiel never does this with Dean, much to his fellow nobles’ disappointment; the mere suggestion had Dean quaking as things he’d rather forget came back to bite him.

- Every so often, a petty criminal(the poor man’s accessory, if you will) is placed in stocks in a small town’s square and left at the mercy of the very people they used to menace. What happens next usually involves honey, some sheep, and plenty of begging. A guard stands by to warn people, “No hurting, only tickling. Everyone please wait your turn, they’re not going anywhere any time soon.”

- Certain monastic healers perform tickle therapy as a treatment for anxiety, stress, and other “diseases of the soul”, as they call them. Balthazar himself proposed the idea, because of course he did. The rich usually indulge in this kind of therapy secretly, due to its undignified nature. Some contemplate the possibility of training accessories to tickle in the future, but it’s still a big taboo.

- Every town has a folktale about a tickle monster. Curiously, many of them involve controlling plants and attacking through dreams. The southern communities still have a giggle remembering that one time six years ago when Michael offered to hunt down one such monster and came back with Crowley, a sleazy drunkard with a fetish and a dream, sitting in a cage and wearing a mask.

- The Masters sisters, Lillith, Meg and Ruby, have a long history with law enforcement. Their favorite pastime is snatching unlucky merchants off the roads and tickling them into coughing up everything they have. Everyone is sure they had a hand in Fergus"Crowley" Macleod’s untimely demise by ferocious attack hounds, but they’re very good at covering their tracks. They’ll help you cover up your tracks too, if you’re a friend- ask Bela Talbot.

I might make a second part if I get any more ideas. I hope you enjoyed this! -Halo!anon.

I am very fond of you indeed, Halo!anon. These are so creative!

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hypahticklish submitted: July 24th 2018 Accessor!Ideas:

~ Gabriel leads a furious rant regarding Prince Lucifer/Sam to Castiel, relating back to perhaps dealings he has directly had with the Prince between their two unstable-yet-truced Kingdoms. Castiel relates with similar views shared by Gehenna’s councilor(s).

~ Dean and Sam BM where the audience learns more about their homevillage. Dean starts it after a rather morose remark from Sam and ends with Sammy smiling and stealing my heart.

~ Balthazar helps Sam in several ways: 1) Learns the Sam was originally a psuedo-Advocates apprentice, as well as herbalist nephew when Sam identifies the components to some salves/medicines he’s making (he had been explaining what he was doing in an attempt to spare himself being attacked like the first couple times) 2) Calls Sam out on being intelligent and making a recklessly stupid choice by selling himself to find Dean. 3) Removes Lucifers mark. And maybe perhaps: 4) Allows Sam to assist in his own healing/medicine making under his careful observation, feigned as needing two sets of hands to do correctly and his assistant was running an errand, to assess his skills. 5) Offer he work in the hospice under him, apprenticing, should Gabriel allow his intelligence not go to waste. It’s not what Sam really wants to do/learn, but it’s better than doing nothing.

~Dean officially thanks Castiel for saving Sam. I’m talking full feels, single man tear sorta thing. And Castiel says “there was never another option” and then its schmoopy sweet with the kisses and the tickles and the Cas saying he loves Dean back!!!!!!!! swoon.

~ Kali!Likes!Sam’s!Spirit! Give me a dinner scene with Gabriel, Kali and Sam where hes holding his own in a diplomatic conversation with them when he nearly crosses a line (maybe something classist? Making it clear that Cas and Gabe are the exception to his experiences) and she says “I like this ones fire. He reminds me of you, my love.” *grabby hands*

~ Prince Lucifer sends a message to Gabriel requesting (threatening) his Helpmate be returned to him for a handsome reward. Sam somehow sees letter and gets spooked because DRAMA. Gabriel responds to Lucifer with the Chief Advocate equivalent of “Fuck Off”

You, my friend. YOU. All these feelings about Sam? Top-notch, and I shall be borrowing them, yes I shall.

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Regarding #android!Cas:

hypahticklish said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas deciding today is the DAY. Dean has been teasing him lately that he likes these strange sensations that have him using all his back-up generated power to not accidentally break Dean's bones and challenging him with that cocky smirk and relaxed confidence. Android!Cas practicing during time while Dean rests with holding objects with similar density to the human wrists with enough gentle force that they neither fracture or slip from his grasp. Android!Cas surprising Dean by turning the tables and pinning his wrists over his head while settling himself on Dean's thighs. Android!Cas not necessarily tickling at first so much as just touching like he had been wanting to so as to catalog how his best friend feels with his new technology. Android!Cas feeling that bubble of FEELS in his chest as he listens to Dean swear at him with positive physical actions negating his harsh words, growing more amused as the bubbling giggles begin. I love Android!Cas 

Anonymous said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas figures out his own strength comes in handy for more than just retaining himself during tickle fights. When he surprises Dean, Dean tends to squirm and fight back a little (even though he told Cas to get him back as part of the experience), so Cas uses his strength to gently hold Dean down while ticking him. Dean's never been held immobile before so it's a new experience for him, but he ends up liking it. Cas notices how Dean relaxes into his hold after a minute or so. Cas doesn't fail to use this knowledge about Dean, coming up with teasing words and methods of ticking to make Dean all squirmy and giggly, taking special notice of how light tickles effect Dean even more than most other touches, using that specially designed soft brush meant to gently clean Cas' delicate computer chips.

Anonymous said: February 17th 2016 I'm joining in on the Android!Cas thing, if not too late. Perhaps Android!Cas has detachable parts, like a foot, and Dean is a jerk and runs off and hides with it all the while tickling it and making fun of Android!Cas's increasingly desperate attempts to get it back.

Y’all, careful deliberate curious determined ‘ler Cas is LIFE. And, reserved confused helpless adorable ‘lee Cas is also life. Detachable and extensible parts are probably key to both of these things.

---

Regarding current personal circumstances:

Anonymous said: January 14th 2020 I pray that you’re able to find peace during this difficult time. You are loved more than you will ever know. I know it’s hard to believe, but there will come a time that you are thankful for this experience, because it will have turned you into the person you are truly meant to be. Be strong and be hopeful. Keep your faith and keep knowing that you are going to be okay. Don’t let this dark time destroy the magnificent light inside of you. Sending you so much love

Anonymous said: January 17th 2020 I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Hang in there! We’re all here for you!

Anonymous said: February 11th 2020 all my love, thoughts and prayers are going towards you right now. also wanted to just drop a little thank you note in your inbox for all the light and joy i've found in your fics over the years. im sitting half way through my first year at uni currently but ive been a fan of yours since early highschool and i feel like ive almost grown up with your writing and fanfics in a strange way, so thank you so much for that. sending all my love to you once again- you are so strong x

I love you all so much.

[naitiaclo960writings]

Day 15 - Third Eye

(Warnings: consensual drug use + dark fic)

Move. Kill. Don’t mourn, no time. Start again.

Some wouldn’t call it a life, and Dean thought they would be right. It wasn’t a life, it was survival. In 2014, in this world infected by a freaking zombie apocalypse and Lucifer in person walking the Earth with his Knights of the Apocalypse, no one had a life anymore. Some of them were literally no longer alive. Half the population was now wandering the streets animated by an insatiable thirst for blood. The other half killed each other or desperately hoped to put themselves through it, but everyone knew it was a crazy hope. Dean knew it, he learned it too many times at his own expense.

His mother was dead, his father was dead, his friends were dead, and his brother said yes to the only asshole responsible for this nightmare. Dead, too. Even his trusty car was dead, rusting in a corner of vegetation that ended up gnawing it to the bone. The only thing Dean could call "his reason keep going" was this camp of survivors barely holding up. Although it eluded his own understanding, he was the leader, which mostly included keeping everyone alive. It was definitely more of a curse than a blessing when you thought of every opportunity to die in such a world. Dean wasn’t even sure he wanted to survive himself most of the time.

Today, he had to kill one of his men in cold blood again because of a croat who infected him during their raid on the outside, which reduced their force to 23 now, including 11 people unable to fight or go on missions. Dean sighed, pinching the base of his nose while still feeling this migraine pointing behind his eyes. Following this incident, Dean had taken care of the reserve to find out what they should find in priority of their next raid and had followed Risa up to the North Wall to investigate a breach. He had put some men on the job before listening to Chuck’s umpteenth complaints about rationing and, finally, he had locked himself in the military room to keep up with Lucifer’s latest advances in the country.

Now, once his migraine was in full swing, he was standing in front of this familiar curtain of pearls that served as a safe door in front of him. Although times are tough for everyone, Dean knew he still had a friend left on this gangrene Earth. He was certainly the strangest and most atypical friend he could have had by his side, the one who did him the most harm as well. Castiel for whom he felt responsible and, therefore, guilty of his present state. But Castiel was also the friend who had stayed with him to the end.

"And look at the result," a disturbingly voice whispered in his head. He pushed it back into the depths of his mind. Dean discarded the pearls in front of him and made his way into the protective den of his friend reeking sage. He came here to seek a little comfort, selfishly. He knew that he had already worn Castiel to the core and yet he kept coming back to ask him for more, over and over again just to see if Castiel would say yes every time. He never said no, anyway.

"Cas." Dean called once with his tired voice.

He was almost relieved to not see a group of naked women from the encampment in the middle of the room. He had witnessed this kind of debacle far too often to still find it amusing. Not seeing his friend in the main room, he went a little further into the building until a wide curtain of washed-out sheets concealed Castiel’s bedroom. He knew he would find him there rather than wandering around the camp. Castiel had no reason to go out if he wasn’t in a raid or stoned. Or both.

Indeed, Dean spread the sheets and his eyes fell upon Castiel lying in the middle of a king-size mattress that had known better days. He was currently sorting a small, dark green, powdery product in a bottle cap, several disemboweled cigarettes resting around him. Dean knew all too well what he was doing and it would be a lie to say that he had not hoped to find him in this exact situation. He took a brief moment to contemplate the emaciated features and pale skin of Castiel, who had raised his head towards him, before coming to sit on the mattress with him.

Castiel did not utter a word, he just threw him that trembling smile that he had for years now, a smile almost crazy of something. Dean watched him do it calmly by rubbing his brow arch distractingly, thoughtful. It was their thing. When Dean was at his wits' end, he would come knocking on Castiel’s door and get high with him until he forgot everything. He could have lingered and wept over the fact that this now represented their only contact face to face. The rest of the time, Dean yelled his orders at everyone and treated his "friends" as soldiers: sacrificial and replaceable. Tools for his own survival. But when he came to intoxicate his mind with Castiel in this makeshift hut, then he could almost claim that everything had gone back to the way it was before and it was beautiful. Who was he to blame Castiel for injecting that into his veins all day? He’d give anything to stay forever in that kind of dream, too.

When Castiel was satisfied with his opium, he emptied a cigarette of part of its tobacco before replacing it with opium. He clumsily closed the whole thing with a second sheet of rolling tobacco and did the same with all the next cigarettes. When he finished, he turned his curious gaze to Dean. Dean poked around in his pocket for a moment before taking out his lighter. Castiel immediately carried an opium-cut cigarette to his mouth and leaned forward. Dean activated his lighter to light his cigarette before closing the flap of his Zippo with a sharp noise. He watched patiently as Castiel lit a second cigarette with the glowing tip of his own before handing it to Dean.

"For you, my dear leader." Castiel mocked with a hoarse voice and on the verge of insult. "Open your third eye, Dean. That’s all we had left anyway."

Dean swallowed with difficulty in the face of the veracity of Castiel’s words and took the cigarette between his fingers. He took the time to lean against the wall behind him before pulling on the small roll of tobacco. As soon as the smoke filled his lungs, he felt his body relax and leaned a little more against the wall behind him. The effect was always almost immediate and that was exactly what he needed. If he could, he’d get rid of his brain permanently. He would lie down on the same mattress gnawed by the moths and inject himself with so many drugs that it would make the most delicious overdose in total indifference. But he couldn’t do it. So he was content to come and get high like that miserable thing he was before he came out and continue to utter orders here and there, as if he were able to change anything to this insignificant existence.

Dean turned his head to see Castiel exhale his own puff of smoke with an already glassy look, lost in the wave of blankets in front of him. They had lost everything and the only thing they had left was to hope to feel from time to time. Soon, the muscles relaxed one by one until no one was able to get up, even if they wanted to. Dean was sure that if someone popped up and shot them right away, he wouldn’t move an inch. And as sordid as that sounds, he loved it. He was in full ecstasy, watching the thick white smoke swirling before him with an absent fascination, his gaze being lost in emptiness. Dean was now struggling to coordinate his actions and bringing that cigarette to his mouth was the only movement he could still do somewhat properly.

It was finally starting to disappear. Pain, grief, despair, guilt… Instead, the face of the people he had once loved started to draw in front of him, in the smoke accumulating in the small space. He could see his beautiful mother like in the good old days making him an apple pie in the heat of their home. His father teaching him how to fish that day nearby a lake in 1988. His little brother sitting next to him in the Impala, smiling as they made their way to their next destination. He saw Bobby refilling a glass of alcohol in the kitchen of his house and he saw Castiel at his best, sharing a beer with him on the hood of his car as he contemplated the stars. While hovering in the seventh heaven, Dean imagined he could touch that dream with his fingers. 

The anguish no longer existed, this consuming fear of seeing his friends and family die had disappeared. No, nothing existed anymore because of this call to happiness that was lost in the smoke volutes around him. He wasn’t cold anymore, he felt good. Strangely, he felt himself smile, something he no longer remembered having done for years now. To his left, he simply hoped that Castiel would touch on the same euphoria as the one he was tasting, no matter how fake it might be. He just liked to wrap himself into this hallucinogenic state where drugs plunged him into, this kind of parallel universe where everything was going well and he was someone else. There, he had a real reason to keep going.

That was all they had left.

* * * @winchester-reload

That’s the first time I write about Endverse!Dean and Castiel, let me know what you thought about it!

You can find the whole series on Ao3

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[rambling-at-midnight]

A Nice Day Off

Request: Could you write a spn/tua crossover fic? I need this in my life!

Pairing: slight Destiel. That’s it. It’s also pretty long because I felt like this needed backstory and the concept was fun to write. Enjoy!

Dean groans with frustration at the sight of a red hem turning the corner of the labyrinth he’s currently trapped in with his brother and Cas, with no way to call their backup, Jack, for help, because there’s no service in this goddamn maze.

First a trail of bodies with different organs cut out starting in, what a coincidence, the same town Sam and Dean were hunting a ghost in. But the mutilated people hadn’t stopped showing up in the hospital, even though they’d definitely taken care of the ghost. Then there was a girl who’d had one of her eyes scooped out, claiming to only remember seeing the color red before she’d passed out again from the pain. The color red, and a weird shed in the woods behind the high school with strange markings on the door.

The shed hadn’t been hard to find. It’d been even easier to find with the obvious bloody trail leading up to the door where, of course, Cas had identified the markings as Satanic.

Then, because they’re all dumbasses, Sam, Dean, and Cas stepped into the shed, and Dean hasn’t seen his brother since.

The shed, which had appeared to be smaller than a regular motel room from the outside, turns out to have a humongous inside. There had been a trapdoor that led to a chute or something once they all stepped inside and Dean and Sam had gone down different sides.

(And yes, the only reason Cas stayed with Dean is because he was holding onto Dean’s jacket. Shut up.)

Then Dean had seen a figure in red running down whatever hallway they’d landed in and he’d taken off. No matter how fast he runs, the figure in red always seems to be one step ahead of him.

“Son of a bitch!” he finally yells, hitting the wall with the side of his fist with frustration. “Sammy!”

Sam doesn’t respond.

Dean swears some more, his hands on his knees as he tries to catch his breath. Cas, as usual, is unaffected by everything that Dean is affected by, which is, as usual, infuriating.

Dean looks up, ready to snap at Cas for being useless when it comes to finding his brother or catching the figure in red, but he sees the figure in red peering back around the corner.

Oh.

This is a game of cat and mouse, and Dean’s not entirely confident he’s not the mouse.

“What do you want, you bitch?” he wheezes, standing up and groaning. He’s getting too old for this.

The figure in red flicks its head and for the first time Dean hears his brother’s voice.

“Dean!” It sounds to be coming from behind the red figure.

“Sammy!” Dean bellows, cursing internally again before starting to jog again. He’s not entirely sure he wants to reach where the figure in red is leading him, but there’s also the chance that his brother is in trouble.

A giggle floats down the corridor and the figure in red whips away.

Dean is lost. Definitely. He’s lost count of the rights and the lefts he’s taken. It’s at least four more turns before he gets a better glimpse of the figure in red as the hallway opens up into a massive chamber with at least five other hallway entrances.

Basically, this was a maze. A massive underground maze. And now Sam, Dean, and Cas are in the middle of it.

“Sammy!” Dean barks when he sees his brother on the opposite side of the room. He doesn’t look injured, but still—“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Dean,” Sam replies. “You’re fine, right? And you, Cas?”

Both men nod their heads.

The figure in red lowers its hood and Dean recognizes who it is.

Because of course it’s Rowena.

“What are you doing here?” he spits. Witches. “Why’d you lead us in a wild goose chase in a maze? Wait—you’re the reason for all the mutilations, aren’t you?”

“Of course,” the witch laughs. “But don’t worry. They’re all alive, correct? I left them at the hospital after retrieving what I wanted from them.” She winks over her shoulder at Sam. “You boys must be rubbing off on me.”

“So this was all for a spell?” Dean asks, moving to step forward but stopping as if he’s been tethered to a brick wall. He looks back and sees that Cas has a hold of the back of his jacket. He shrugs. It’s a valid point; Rowena is a wild card if they’ve ever met one. It’s better to be cautious and not get within reach of her to hex them or spew bodily fluids.

“Yes,” Rowena answers briskly. “I need to pop into another dimension quickly and get another ingredient for a spell I’m working on that will help you with whatever apocalypse the three of you have started.”

Dean scowls. Well, yes, there is (but only sort of) a looming apocalypse on the horizon, but she wasn’t supposed to know about that. “Why? What’s in it for you?”

“Your enemies have a price on my head,” she replies. “While you three seem to have a knack for escaping the clutches of death, I’d prefer not to have to create another charm to prevent me from the unpleasant sensation. It can be quite painful to die, even if I survive.”

Dean looks at Sam as the witch starts to chant, and he shrugs. He’s always had a soft spot for the witch, but Dean doesn’t know why. He takes small solace in the fact that Sam’s here, and if worst comes to worst he’ll be the one to end the witch once and for all. Somehow.

“Then why did you lure us down this labyrinth?” Cas asks.

Rowena says a final word and a crack splits the silence, followed by a white light that splits the air. “I have no idea what’s in this new dimension. I quite wanted protection, seeing as how our best interests align in this endeavor.”

Dean can’t argue with that sound logic. He examines what must be the portal suspiciously.

“That’s not any spell we’ve seen before,” Sam points out.

Rowena waves her hand airily. “I made a new one that’s much more convenient. No more pesky one-in-a-million ingredients. Just a few human body parts and some common herbs. Simple, if you’ve got enough talent. It’ll last for eight hours.” She winks at Sam. “Are you boys ready?”

“Hold on a sec,” Sam mutters. He fishes his phone out of his pocket. “Should probably give Jack a heads-up.” He scowls. “No service.”

“Great,” Dean gripes. Poor kid’s gonna be confused and worried for a full day before they get back. “Let’s make this trip as quick as possible, then.”

Cas grips Dean’s hand (shut up, Sam) and Sam grabs the hem of Dean’s jacket as Dean uses his free hand to grip the shoulder of Sam’s jacket. No more taking any chances of going down different chutes. In a line, they follow Rowena into the blinding light...

And into an empty room.

Sam spins on his heel, taking in the area, and Dean looks up. A massive steel chandelier hangs from the ceiling of what must be a mansion, judging by the size of the foyer and the many rooms that look to branch off of it.

“Ah, civilization,” Rowena says, pleased. She straightens her already-straight dress and pats her hair. “Perfect.”

“Where are we?” Cas asks, frowning. “I can’t sense any of my brothers and sisters.”

“We must have landed in a universe without heaven,” Sam exhales. “Remember Jared Padalecki? And Supernatural?”

“And Jensen Ackles,” Dean acknowledges, nodding. “Sorry, Cas, but looks like you’re outta grace for the moment.”

Cas looks at his hands, frowning.

Something hurtles through the air and buries itself into Cas’s chest. A knife. Fuck. Will that hurt him, even though he’s an angel, but he doesn’t have any powers here, but does that just apply to grace and wings or—

“Sam, is he okay?” Dean asks tersely, holding up his gun in the direction the knife had come from. He sees a pair of eyes glint and adjusts accordingly.

Something flashes behind him and the clicking of a safety near his ear makes Dean’s blood run cold.

“Don’t even try it,” Sam growls. Dean knows that he’s got his gun pointed at whoever’s pointing one at him.

“Or what?” the person hisses through gritted teeth. “You’ll shoot me?”

“Yes,” Sam replies resolutely. It must surprise him.

“I’m fine,” Cas groans, on the ground and not sounding very fine. “I suppose our questions were answered. I am still unable to be killed except by my—”

“Shh,” Dean hisses, not wanting to give their attackers any ideas.

“We must have gotten off on the wrong foot,” Rowena calls, her voice lilting in the dusty air. “We didn’t mean to end up in your house.”

“Really?” an unfamiliar voice snarls behind Dean. “What’s that light?”

“What are they talking about, Five?” a deep, grating voice asks.

“Does it look like I know?” the voice snaps back. It’s the voice of a kid. “They came through a light in the middle of our foyer. Do I have any experience with that sort of stuff?”

“Uh... yes,” another person points out.

“Fair enough,” the kid admits.

“Sam, is there a preteen holding a gun to my head right now?” Dean asks, rolling his eyes.

Sam can’t keep the snicker out of his voice, even though he knows this is a serious situation. “Yep.”

“Look,” Dean starts, “I’m sure if we all put down our weapons, we can sort something out.”

The preteen snorts. “I’m not about to compromise to some robbers breaking into our house.”

“Buddy, you’re not gonna be involved in the conversation,” Sam retorts. “The adults are gonna handle this one.”

Cas sighs. There’s movement at Dean’s feet—undoubtedly he’s standing up—and two gunshots.

Dean winces.

“Fine, fine,” Cas grumbles. Dean whirls just in time to see Sam knock the gun out of the stunned preteen boy’s hands.

“What the hell are you?” the boy whispers.

“Five?” a new voice asks. “What the hell is going on?”

Something flashes and Dean chances a look behind himself. Fuck. It’s Jack, stumbling out of the portal. How he’d known to go inside the shed, find the middle of the maze, and jump through the portal, Dean doesn’t know.

“Hello!” Jack beams at his three dads and then at the six people trickling into the room. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“He’s got powers too!” a man holding a throwing knife marvels. Undoubtedly he’s the one that threw it at Cas’s chest. “But he’s not our age.”

“Like I said,” Dean repeats. “I’m sure we can work something out.”

~~~~

Rowena left the boys to deal with the five adults and one bloodthirsty preteen, citing the need to find whatever ingredient that exists in this universe and not in their own.

There’s a monstrous man called Luther (who is very white), and the man dressed in black leather that had thrown a knife at Cas is called Diego (who is definitely not white, probably Mexican). He marvels at how Cas survived the knife to the chest as well as two bullet wounds, even going so far as insisting that he take off his shirt to prove he doesn’t have a bulletproof vest on.

Dean hadn’t liked them all marveling over the angel’s surprisingly toned chest.

Then there’s a lady named Allison (who is African-American) and another lady called Vanya (who is white). The preteen boy is called Five, and he’s definitely at least part not-Caucasian.

And they all claim to be siblings.

Dean puzzles over that for five seconds before remembering that adoption is a thing. The jump to another reality must have scrambled his brains again.

“This is my older brother, Dean,” Sam introduces. “This is Cas, Dean’s boyfr—”

Cas clears his throat. He knows that Dean still isn’t comfortable with people knowing about their... relationship.

“Well, he’s an angel. And this is our son, Jack, who is half-archangel,” Sam finishes.

“He’s... all three of you’s son?” Vanya asks, and, despite the bad grammar, Sam nods.

“Adopted,” Dean adds. “Technically, he’s Lucifer’s son. But Lucifer’s a major dick that tortured my brother for about a thousand years, and the kid isn’t stupid, so he stays with us.”

Jack preens at being called not stupid, which is kind of a low bar. Maybe Dean should compliment the kid more. No, scratch that, he should definitely compliment the kid more. God knows Dean would’ve liked a little more appreciation for taking care of Sammy when he was younger from John. “I killed Lucifer for hurting Sam,” he adds angelically. “He wasn’t very nice.”

Sam reaches out and pats Jack’s knee. “We’re all very proud of you, Jack.”

“Lucifer?” Luther repeats. “Uh...”

“Oh, yeah,” Dean adds. “You guys don’t have God in this universe.”

“We have Christianity,” Allison says, a little defensively.

“Wait,” Sam yelps. “He’s—” He points at Five, who is definitely at the most fifteen years old, and currently drinking a margarita. Judging by the ingredients on the counter, it is most definitely not non-alcoholic.

“That’s a long story,” Diego sighs.

“We could take turns?” Jack suggests.

~~~~

At the end of it, everyone but Jack, who opts for a glass of chocolate milk, is drinking alcohol. Apparently his powers are still intact in this universe, maybe because he’s as powerful or more so than an archangel. That’s useful to know.

“So you’re all the same age,” Sam says for the third time. “Except for the kid, who is not actually a kid.”

Five nods. “58.”

“But for most of those years he was completely isolated and therefore not any more mature than a regular fifteen-year-old kid, only more murderous,” someone says singsong behind them. Dean jumps.

Five scowls. “That is so not true, asshole—”

“Ah, yes,” Allison sighs. “This is Klaus.”

“It is definitely true,” Klaus argues back, taking the margarita out of Five’s hands and drinking the rest of it in one gulp. “He’s feral. All teenage boys are feral.”

“He’s also your sibling?” Cas checks.

“Don’t ask about his power,” Diego mutters. “It’s a sensitive topic.”

“I am not feral!” Five sputters. With a flash of blue light, he disappears and reappears in front of Klaus, hands on his hips.

“Uh-huh,” Klaus nods, sidestepping him. “How could you have grown up without other people?”

“I had Dolores!” Five snarls, pulling a handgun out of his pocket and pointing it at his brother. Klaus seems unbothered. He pulls two bottles of whiskey from the shelf of alcohol and tosses the other behind his back. Five disappears and reappears, catching the bottle with a huff and stowing the gun. Apparently all is forgiven.

“Ah...” Allison starts, looking pained. “I suppose it’s no use to remind you that we don’t point guns at our siblings.”

“This is a regular occurrence, yes?” Castiel asks.

“Unfortunately,” Vanya answers, wearing an identical expression of consternation.

Cas points at Dean. “You shouldn’t be too worried. Sam and Dean have died multiple times. One time Sam even killed him. They turned out fine.”

Sam winces at that comment.

“It’s fine, Sam,” Dean says automatically. He doesn’t even remember Sam killing him during that one time Gabriel decided to be an even bigger dick than normal. “Don’t even remember it.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Five blurts out, staring at the grown men with new respect.

“They never even agree to not bring weapons into the kitchen,” Cas continues.

“I know, right?” Allison exclaims. “Like, we’re all eating breakfast! Don’t clean your knives, Diego!” She gives her brother the stink eye.

“What if something happens?” Diego and Dean retort back in unison. They exchange startled looks.

“One time,” Jack adds, “Dean shot me in the back in a grocery store.” He then goes back to drinking his chocolate milk, content to listen to the conversation.

Luther opens his mouth to further ask about that statement but his younger/older sibling interrupts him. “No, no, I want to hear more about coming back to life,” Five insists, draping himself over a chair.

“Yeah,” Luther agrees, sending an uneasy look in Jack’s direction when the boy snaps his fingers and his glass of chocolate milk fills itself. “So Sam dies, and Dean sells his soul to bring him back. Then Dean dies and goes to hell, Cas saves him, and you’ve been saving the world ever since?”

Sam shrugs. “More or less.”

“And there’s another apocalypse,” Vanya says slowly. “And you’re stopping it by coming to our universe.”

Dean shrugs. “Rowena more or less made it so we had no choice.” He glances into the foyer, where the white light of the portal doesn’t waver.

Vanya nods and then nudges Diego with her elbow. Her brother groans and rolls his eyes but leans forward and holds a hand out to Cas. “Sorry for stabbing you, man. No hard feelings?”

Cas takes his hand, a mysterious half-smile playing on his lips. “Of course.”

Vanya clears her throat. “Five, apologize for shooting Castiel or I’m taking your gun.”

Five snorts. “So? I’ve got more.”

“How many more?” Luther asks.

“Not telling.”

“I heard a rumor,” Allison says teasingly, “that you told us how many guns you have.”

“Fifteen,” Five says promptly, then he scowls. “Bitch. I’m still not giving you them. Get your own.”

Klaus says out of the blue, “No, I will not!” He flushes when everyone turns to look at him. “Ben told me to tell Diego to throw a knife at Jack since it won’t hurt him either.”

Diego brightens at the idea and Sam leaps off of the couch, positioning himself between the murderous superpowered human and the half-archangel. “We still don’t know why the angel’s powers are working while there’s no heaven,” he says firmly. “We’re not risking any more injuries.”

“I could just cut him,” Diego wheedles. “Just to see if it makes a cut and then it heals or if nothing happens. Come on. We don’t know how angels work.”

Jack shrugs and Dean barks, “We’re not cutting Jack for a science experiment!”

Klaus claps. “We should do science experiments!” as if he hadn’t heard Dean at all.

And that is how Dean finds himself in the courtyard of the Umbrella Academy mansion, torn between cheering for Cas and Luther as they compete to see who can lift the largest weight.

“It’s definitely going to be Cas,” Sam mutters. The Winchester brothers stand side-by-side in identical poses as they assess the experiments.

“Hey!” Allison yelps. “Luther, don’t you dare pick up my car! Dean, don’t encourage them!” The half-gorilla man sends her a sheepish look and shrugs at Cas.

Dean holds up his hands. “Like I can control them, lady.”

Allison rolls her eyes. “Castiel, come over here real quick.”

Well, that’s done for the day, Dean supposes. He turns around to see Jack with a blindfold over his eyes disappearing and reappearing, apparently playing tag with Five while both boys use their teleportation powers.

A bright smile on his face, Jack disappears before Five’s even left and appears on top of the boy, sending both ageless kids tumbling to the ground, giggling.

“Scary,” Luther mutters at Dean’s side. “Never seen Five laugh before.”

Dean looks at him out of the corner of his eye. “You ever been able to not pick something up?”

“I’ve never tried a house or something like that, obviously,” Luther admits, rubbing his chin. “But I’ve never really found something that I haven’t been able to lift.”

“That’s so cool,” Dean admits, shaking his head.

“Yo, Winchester!” Diego yells, waving as both Winchesters whip their heads around. “Target practice!”

“You say you can’t miss a target, huh?” Sam asks, smirking.

Diego nods.

“Well, we can do that without having a superpower,” Dean brags, all in good nature of course, and the competition is on.

When it’s discovered that Sam and Dean really are as good as Diego from years of practice, they call Jack over to move the targets midair. This is where Diego smirks, as Sam and Dean do miss a few and he misses none, even when his knives flip over themselves, zip back and forth, and defy the laws of gravity as they fly through the air.

“I’m going to use the restroom,” Dean announces at one point. “Where—”

“Walk straight, go up the stairs, take your first left,” Luther directs. He claps Dean on the shoulder and sends him stumbling away, hissing as he rubs his shoulder. “Uh, sorry.”

Dean really didn’t mean to eavesdrop. He’s two steps up when he hears Castiel’s voice and realizes he’d gone inside and not come back out. Curious now, he follows the voices down a staircase and flattens himself against the wall near the doorway of what must be the kitchen, judging by the smell of food inside the room.

“—determined to throw himself into the line of fire,” Cas gripes.

“I know, right?” Vanya exclaims. “Five seems to think he’s invincible or something.”

“One time he told me he was fine after getting stabbed because he’s gotten stabbed before!”

Allison giggles. “Like you can build up an immunity to stab wounds.”

“It’s quite hard to protect someone with the survival instincts of a squirrel on crack cocaine,” Cas remarks. Dean’s face colors when he realizes that he’s walked in on a gossip session consisting of his boyfriend and the two exasperated siblings of some weird-ass people.

“He loves you though, right?” Allison asks. “I could see it in the way he looked at you.”

Dean’s face gets even hotter. He’s not a big fan of the ‘L’ word.

“We have a profound bond,” Cas replies simply. That’s always been enough for their relationship.

Dean sneaks back up the stairs, hoping they don’t hear his footsteps. When he reaches the foyer, Rowena steps into the building, looking entirely too pleased with herself.

“Did you get it?” he asks gruffly.

Rowena smiles. “Of course I did. Are you ready to go?”

“Uh...” Dean knows he has to get back to his universe. He has a responsibility to save the world, of course. But it was enjoyable to hear about other people’s crazy lives and be able to relax. He settles for gesturing for her to follow and he leads her out to the courtyard.

He and Rowena watch as Sam tries frantically to stop Five from cutting Jack’s arm, even as Jack holds his arm out and holds him in place.

“I’m fine,” Jack insists. “See?” Five pokes his skin with the tip of the knife, marveling when the skin opens but no blood runs out and it knits itself back together in mere seconds.

“That’s so cool,” Diego breathes, shaking his head.

“Hey!” Dean barks, making all the spectators jump. “What did I say? Did I say no cutting Jack open or did I say yes cutting Jack open?”

Sheepishly, Jack lets Sam go and shrugs at Five. “Is it time for us to go already, Miss Rowena?”

“I’m sorry, Jack, but yes,” she answers.

Every person in the courtyard slumps a little bit.

“Did I hear Rowena?” Cas asks behind Dean, making him jump. “Oh. I supposed it was you. Our time is nearly running out.”

“You guys are leaving?” Vanya asks, visibly disappointed.

“We have an apocalypse to prevent,” Sam explains, gesturing for Jack to follow him. Jack misunderstands the signal and takes Sam’s outstretched hand, startling him—but in a good way.

Rowena winks at the disappointed Five. “Yes, but once we’ve finished saving the world for the umpteenth time I don’t think it’ll be too hard to come visit again.”

Diego brightens. “And we can stab the angels more!”

“NO!”

~~~~

“Ugh, I’m bored,” Five gripes, throwing himself backwards on the couch. “There’s nothing to do. No one to kill.” Disappointingly, the Temps Commission has stopped sending more agents after Five, probably realizing he thinks of them merely as dummies to practice his murder skills on.

“You could do your schoolwork,” Klaus informs him. Both brothers make faces immediately. “That was Ben,” he says hastily. “Not me. Don’t do your schoolwork.”

“Wasn’t going to anyway, but thanks,” Five grunts. Maybe if all the blood flow goes to his head he’ll pass out. That’d be a fun way to pass the time.

A loud crack echoes through the mansion, almost like a gunshot, and Five topples off the couch.

“Hello!” someone calls out. “Is anybody home?”

A wide smile stretches across Five’s face. Finally. Someone to kill that can’t die.

“The Winchesters are back!”

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