#even if you're young and otherwise healthy
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so after a week of feeling like shit and experiencing some of the worst headaches i've ever had i just figured out i have completely lost my sense of smell too. do yourself a favor and go get your covid shot and your flu shot for the season if you can
#i got covid literally like three days before the new vaccine became available in my country :/#just getting out of the shower and putting my clothes on makes me out of breath#hopefully this time around i won't have to get blood thinner injections like the last time#covid sucks ass just because it's no longer as deadly as it used to be doesn't mean it can't still fuck you up#even if you're young and otherwise healthy#personal bullshit#covid
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i know many of us, autistic and otherwise, struggle with all kinds of sensory overloads. loud noises, bright lights, irregular temperatures, strong smells.. and doubly so when you're already tired, hungry, scared, and so on.
so can you imagine what it must be like to live as an autistic person in an active war zone? with bombs falling around you, no electricity or stable food source, and no place to escape? can you imagine the torture that is?
ahmed is a young autistic man living in gaza trying to have him and his family's needs met among the destruction. imagine the burnout you and i experience just from our day to day activities - ahmed is certainly undergoing things none of us can truly understand.
this campaign is very low on funds - currently âŹ718/âŹ10,000.
ahmed and his mother marah's campaign has been vetted by association - shared here by another user who has been vetted by trusted tumblr users. they desperately need food, water, and basic living needs to stay healthy and alive. any amount can help, even as little as $5.
please, consider making a donation or giving a reblog to this campaign. it has gone weeks with very low donations. ahmed and his family deserve to make it through this coming winter!
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What I Want You To Know About Long COVID
Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.
Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.
COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.
Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).
There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.
So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.
COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.
The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".
Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."
There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.
You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.
I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.
This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.
Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.
Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.
Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.
Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.
Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.
Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.
And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.
Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.
I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.
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I've been following what's been going on with Belphie the kitten and his person, Greer Stothers, has just mentioned pet insurance in a tag on a post and I wanted to give an example from my life backing up why pet insurance can be a good idea and why I think it is worthwhile.
Two years ago my sister's dog had bloat while she was on vacation. The kennel he was staying at recognized symptoms and called my sister to clear them to take him to the emergency vet. My sister is very financially secure and this dog is an enormous part of her life, so she said yes with barely a moment of hesitation. That ended up being about twelve thousand dollars of emergency surgery.
Large Bastard and I got pet insurance for Tiny Bastard the same week because we realized that if someone had presented that option to us, we would have had no choice but to have Tiny Bastard put down, and we didn't want to be put in that position.
I did a lot of research about different kinds of pet insurance and different levels of coverage and annual maximums and deductibles and so on and so forth. Tiny Bastard is a senior dog, so this was going to be expensive no matter what options we went with, so I chose a moderately priced plan with a $500 annual deductible, unlimited annual coverage, that pays 80% of the bills incurred annually below the maximum. What that means is that we pay the first $500 of care totally out of pocket, after which point we are reimbursed 80% of any vet bills for care covered by the plan.
The first year we had this plan I was kind of iffy about it. It's a noticeable monthly expense and we didn't even spend the deductible in vet bills the first year. Except that a month before the policy was set to renew, Tiny Bastard got diagnosed with diabetes. We now have monthly insulin costs and syringe costs; there are tests she has to have regularly to monitor her overall condition and we need to do more frequent vet visits to track symptoms.
Suddenly the insulin alone means that the insurance is break-even within six months and the additional visits and tests are something we can afford instead of something we'd have to put on credit.
Our plan (through ManyPets) covers medication, surgery, diagnostics, medical equipment, and euthanasia and cremation. It doesn't cover pre-existing conditions, joint conditions for dogs who were signed up over a certain age, dental care, spay/neuter, vaccinations, or prescription food but honestly all of that makes me just kind of wish we'd signed her up earlier - her knee problems *would* be covered if we'd had her signed up as a puppy, and the monthly cost would have been lower if we'd signed her up then. And there are at least a few emergency vet bills that I wouldn't still be paying off on my credit card. Hell, I've probably paid more in interest on some bruising she got in a fight three years ago than I have for this policy as a whole.
I am glad that Greer is able to take care of Belphie. I am glad that my sister was able to take care of her dog. But I'm also really, really glad that for a relatively low cost, I would be able to take care of Tiny Bastard if she were catastrophically injured, or if she needed emergency surgery. I'm glad that I'm able to take care of her now with her medications and her additional vet visits.
There are a lot of people who say that pet insurance isn't worth it, especially not for young animals. But if your young animal gets very sick, or gets badly injured, or eats a hairband and needs an emergency endoscopy, then it will probably be VERY worth it. It's a risk/reward question. You feel like you're wasting money if you're paying for a policy that you never use, but honestly that just means you're lucky to have a healthy pet.
I'm lucky that Tiny Bastard was relatively healthy before I got the insurance; I'm also lucky that she was insured when she was diagnosed with a chronic illness that will need lifelong care. This enables me to provide care for her that would otherwise be financially unmanageable, and that makes the insurance *extremely worth it* from my perspective.
And Belphie is a good example of why it's a good idea to get coverage even for very young pets. Greer is recommending it because this kitten has required a tremendous amount of care during a period in his life when it's generally taken for granted that a cat will be healthy. (And Greer is not stupid for forgoing pet insurance - pet insurance is still a relatively new concept and there are lots of people who are leery of it for a number of good reasons)
So I'd say that if you've got a pet or are getting a pet it is very worthwhile to find a pet insurance plan that fits in your budget. There are a variety of plans out there and some are very inexpensive. Check coverage levels (you can even get some with wellness plans that include dental care and vaccinations) and see if there's something that works for you.
I personally don't think I'm ever going to own another pet without having pet insurance. It's ridiculous how much easier it is for me to say yes to diagnostic tests or different treatments than it was before because I know I'm going to be able to fit Tiny Bastard's care into our budget.
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i just. imagine outliving every single person you've ever loved. every. single. person. not only that, but because of the simple fact that you're in the goddamn space navy, a lot of these people die pretty tragically. your father, overcome with a disease that strips him of his dignity as the ambassador to a race that relies on calculated pride. your mother, always so warm and caring, falling to memory loss until she doesn't recognise you, her favourite person in all the galaxy. your first captain, your first friend, disfigured until he's near recognisable and it's your responsibility, yours, to get him to a place where he can die at least a little more happy than he otherwise would have. your two best friends, the only two people in your entire almost 200-year-long life that you trust completely, are only around for less than a quarter of said life because they're human and you're not (well, half) and you knew the whole time they would die way before you. and one of them, the one you call soulmate, brother, lover in your native language, disappears and dies far before his time, without any time for you to prepare for it. and the other? you rely on him for so long and then, without warning because he was healthy until the day he died because he's a doctor goddammit, he's gone.
and now what? what else do you have? so you dedicate the rest of your days to saving a planet destined to die. all of your hard work, and still, romulus falls to political destruction anyway. and in your attempts to save it, you go to the one place the universe thinks you need to be, but it hurts, it hurts so damn much because they're all back, and they're all so young, and things aren't quite right, and even though part of you is happy to help them along the same wonderful path you experienced, part of you also grieves for the repetition of the losses you have faced. you don't want your younger counterpart to have to endure it, but he does because that's just the will of the universe, and you are powerless to stop it.
imagine that.
#my posts#sorry i am just. having such a morning. a bad week one might say#st#tos#spock#star trek#the autobiography of mr spock#star trek the original series#star trek tos#aos#star trek aos#star trek alternate original series#s'chn t'gai spock#spirk#spones#mcspirk#christopher pike
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EXTRA Adorably Awesome Aspects of Being An ABDL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover)
Stuffies are never "immature", they're ADORABLE and anybody dating otherwise is a poopy
You get to call people great things, like poopy... instead of swearing, being rude, or hurting feelings, you say cute, adorable, infantile things
Diapers mean you can sit almost anywhere and feel comfy
Have you seen thick diapee butt?? It's fucking fantastic. Big, squishable tushy time? Heck yes
You can still enjoy things like Disney, pixar, etc without worrying about how people might Pixar,
A BILLION PERCENT better at cuddling than other people. It's a fact, a scientific fact, that ABDLs cuddle better than anybody else
Being bratty as an abdl isn't just allowed, it's often encouraged. Other areas of life? Not so much. As an abdl? Throwing a tantrum or being pouty becomes cute as heck
Naps are good and people need them. And as an ABDL it's not only acceptable but encouraged, which is fabulous. Too many people need better sleep and nap time helps this enormously.
Whimsy. When did people stop having whimsical, cute, adorable views of the world? Well fortunately, ABDLs still have whimsical fun inside, so we can fix that fact
Cuz my mommy said so! Yeah, that's right, having a mommy or a daddy is cool, and having a mommy or daddy that TELLS you you're adorable, cute, sweet, etc... it's amazing.
Storytime is awesome sauce. Truly, have you had anyone read you a story as an adult? Your mind wanders, you can almost see it in your head. It's an in person audio book and I'm here for it
Bum pats! It's cute as fuck to get affective bum pats, and if you're in diapers or pullups, it's somehow even cuter
Being touchy Feely is encouraged. Seriously, when did people stop holding hands, leaning into their partner, getting all adorably handsy and touchy-feely???? It's great
Playing pretend is never not fun. Really young? Super fun. Middle aged? Super fun. Elderly? Still fun. You never outgrow imagination!
Ageplay, ABDL, and more teach you about the kinky side of life. Kinky things are too rarely explored, and abdl/ ageplay/ infantilism introduce you to be fetish, kink, and sexy things you otherwise would miss out on!
Be kinky! Celebrate your ABDL side! Celebrate your little side! Celebrate whimsy, and stuffies, and sing alongs, and having FUN in your life!
And as always,
Be happy, be healthy, and be KINKY!
#ab/dl lifestyle#mdlb relationship#giggle-byte#cg/l relationship#giggle byte#ab/dl babyboy#ab/dl kink#24/7 diapers#mdlb dynamic#md/lb
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all i see is gold - pjs (m)
this work contains smut - minors please do not interact
pairing. jay x fem!reader
synopsis. Pretending to be your number one's rival girlfriend to please his parents isn't how you would usually spend a Thursday night, but you really owe Jay a big one this time. You'd sworn this was just a one-time thing - and yet when his parents ask you to come again, the word 'yes' is out before you can stop it. Before you know it and much to your dismay, your feelings for Jay start to change, and you're in too deep to backtrack.
genre. college au, academic rivals to lovers, fake dating au, rich rich millionaire ceo's son jay x poor ass scholarship part-time job reader
warnings. heeseung is a mega asshole sorry to this man, slight violence like the girls are fighting, these two are pathetically in love w each other it's laughable actually, rich people being annoying slightly and also y/n's friends having way too much knowledge about fanfiction tropes... i like my fourth walls broken
word count. 27.1k
a/n. hi sisters user asahicore is back with another repost because she can't be asked to come up with anything original... sorry! i did add a new scene to this fic for.. character development. hope you guys enjoy it, as always let me know your thoughts otherwise i will find you and hold you at gunpoint, have fun love you stay healthy keep slaying bye bye!
âActually, I think what you just said is complete bull.â
Jay rolled his eyes for the thousandth time in an hour and a few sniggers were heard around the room.
Your tutor sighed and, in an exhausted tone, asked you to âkeep it polite, please. This is still a classroom setting.â
âRight, sorry.â You cleared your throat and sat up straighter. âI completely disagree with your statement, Jongseong. Just because a movie has young teenage girls as its target audience doesnât mean it is completely insipid and has no value, like youâre insinuating. If you look at Mean Girls, for example-â
Jay scoffed. âOh please, youâre not actually going to use Mean Gir-â
âAh, would you look at the time? Class is over,â your tutor interrupted. âYou can all go home and ponder the riveting discussion Jay and Y/N led today.âÂ
You were pretty sure you heard a general sigh of relief from your classmates. After all, you couldnât really blame them: it was only the first tutorial of the semester for that course and Jay and you were already at each otherâs throats, having something to say about every idea the other put forward, no matter how small.
âOh, and Jay, I do have to side with Y/N here. Thereâs a surprising amount of things that can be said about that film,â your tutor admitted with an apologetic smile. You, however, were harboring a triumphant expression. Nothing better than having the tutor agree with you against Jay.Â
As you packed your stuff away, mentally patting yourself on the back, Jay approached you, looking visibly annoyed. âSeriously, Y/N? Symbolism in Modern Cinema? Since where do you even care about movies?â
You gasped dramatically and put your hand over your heart, feigning shock. âWhy, Iâm offended that you think youâre the only one whoâs allowed to love cinema, Jongseong.â
âYeah, itâs my thing!â he whined like a child, and you gave him a look that hopefully made him reflect on what heâd just said.
You started walking out of the room and he followed, a step behind you. âI mean, thereâs no way you didnât know I was taking this class. Are you like, obsessed with me or something?â
âYes, Jongseong, thatâs exactly the case. Iâm sooooo obsessed with you, I took this class just to see you.â
You were obviously joking, but he looked at you with a smirk and said, âI wouldnât put it past you. I wouldnât put it past anyone, to be honest; I mean I am the most good-looking, smartest, richest guy on camp- Ouch! That hurts!â
You had just punched him in the shoulder, not wanting to listen to his self-indulgent ramblings. âGet your head out of your ass, Park. I just thought it would be an interesting class. Why are you even taking it, anyway? I donât think a cinema course is gonna teach you much on how to run daddyâs company,â you asked him, a smirk teasing your lips.
He rolled his eyes (you thought they might stay stuck at the back of his head, with how often he did that) and took a tone one might use to speak to a child. âYou see, Y/N, I also major in Visual Studies. Iâm not a single honors Econ major like you. Loser.â
Heâd added the last word with a playful smile on his face, purposefully trying to rile you up. You were about to reply with an equally petty remark when you heard your name being called out.Â
âY/N! Wait up!â
You could recognize that voice anywhere. Your heart started beating a thousand times a minute and you felt your hands get clammy. As you turned around, you forced a relaxed smile and told yourself to stay calm, but as soon as you made eye contact with the boy, all rational thought left your brain.
âH-hi, Heeseung.â You heard Jay snort behind you but were too entranced by Heeseungâs presence to tell him off.
Clearly enjoying your nervousness, Heeseung smiled at you and bent down so that he came directly face to face with you. âIt was nice seeing you last Friday. You should come to our parties more often, not many people can set fire to the dance floor like you did.â
Your cheeks had already turned bright red when heâd called your name, but now you probably looked as crimson as a fire extinguisher. Over the weekend, youâd tried so hard to forget about that party where you had gotten black-out drunk and made a fool of yourself on the dance floor. Sure, youâd had a lot of fun, but when you remembered that Heeseung literally lived in the frat house that had hosted the pre-start of term gathering, youâd felt so embarrassed and wanted to never have to face him ever again. Yet here he was, and he had obviously seen you.
âO-oh, right, haha. Um, I was pretty drunk, but, yeah, um, it was f-fun.â You cringed at yourself. Where was the Y/N that had torn down Jayâs every argument just moments prior? You were usually self-assured and confident, but whenever you were around Heeseung, you didnât know how to act.
Heeseung stood up straighter and patted your head. You thanked yourself for having washed your hair that morning. He chuckled and said, âThatâs good to hear. Guess Iâll see you around, then?â
âYeah!â you replied with a tad too much enthusiasm.Â
âGreat.â As he walked past you, you didnât need to turn around to see the nasty looks exchanged between Heeseung and Jay.Â
âJongseong.â
âHeeseung.â
The venom with which they had spat the otherâs name wouldâve sent a chill down your spine any other time, but right now, you were too busy mooning over what had just happened. Like many girls on campus, youâd had a crush on him since freshman year; but unlike most, youâd never actually tried to do anything about it. Realistically, you could probably bag him - Heeseung could be seen with a different girl at every party and didnât seem to be too picky about who he finished the night with. But you also couldnât stand the idea of being just another drunk fuck to him. So, youâd never revealed your feelings to him, although he could most definitely see the effect he had on you.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Jay burst into laughter. You turned around and looked at him, arms crossed, waiting for him to be done with an impatient look on your face. When he finally caught his breath, he had tears pooling at his eyes and was holding onto his belly.
âH-hi, Heeseung,â he breathed, trying to imitate you by making his voice higher in pitch but laughing too hard for it to come out properly.
âThereâs nothing funny about this, Jongseong.â
âOh, but there is, Y/N. And you know what the worst part is? You could do so, so much better than that guy. I mean, heâs a Business major, for fuckâs sake.â
âAnd whatâs wrong with that?â you asked hotly, starting to get defensive.
âYouâre studying Econ, Y/N. Dating a Business major, thatâs like, the highest betrayal possible.â
You rolled your eyes at his stupid values and started walking towards the exit of the building, bumping into his shoulder on the way. He started following you again and added, âItâs not even just about that, Y/N. You know his reputation, heâs clearly bad news. Thereâs no point in liking a guy like that.â
Because you knew how much he hated it, you always made sure to call him Jongseong instead of Jay. But right now, you didnât feel like joking around. You turned around abruptly, Jay almost bumping into you, and looked at him pointedly. âLook, Jay, I know you and Heeseung have this weird competition between the two of you of whose dad can make more money. But that doesnât give you the right to tell me I shouldnât like him.â And with a mumble, you added, âI canât help liking him, okay?â
You went on your way again and Jay caught up with you so that the two of you were now walking side by side. Sighing, he said, âWhatever. When he inevitably hurts you, though, Iâll say I told you so.â
â
After flipping off Jay as your way of saying goodbye, you joined your friends in the cafeteria. You told them about your encounter with Heeseung, and as much as they wanted to support you, they couldnât help but think your behavior at the party on Friday was hilarious.Â
âI wasnât gonna show this to anyone, but I canât hold it in anymoreâŚâ Sunoo said, pulling out his phone.
It wasnât hard to guess what he might be hiding in there, so you quickly protested, âItâs been three days, Sunoo. Iâm sure you can hold in whatever it is longer than that.â
He looked at you with a sheepish smile and said, as if he didnât have a choice but to show everyone, âItâs so funny though.â
Sieun and Keeho were urging him to show them, so you just hung your head as Sunoo pressed play. You didnât even need to look at the video to know what it was: even in his drunken state, Sunoo had had the foresight to film you as you danced like there was no tomorrow, knowing this was a special occasion. Your friends tried to reassure you that you didnât look that bad and you just seemed to be having fun, but the sniggers they tried to hold back in vain told you otherwise.
Keeho seemed to take pity on you when seeing your defeated expression. âY/N, I promise you itâs not that bad. You were very obviously drunk, and so was everyone else. If anybody remembers this, theyâre probably thinking that you were fucking awesome. Canât you see how everyone is cheering you on in the video?â
With an exasperated sigh, you replied, âI donât care that everybody saw me. I care that Heeseung did. I only started drinking that much because I thought itâd help me relax and talk to him. I didnât think Iâd go wild on the dance floor.â
Your friends exchanged a look and immediately burst into laughter. You wanted to get mad at them, but even you had to admit the whole situation was pretty funny. You let them make as much fun of you as their hearts desired, then, to change the subject, told them about the tutorial you had in the morning with Jay and how much fun it had been arguing with him.
Sieun was looking at you thoughtfully, until she said, âYou know, I think itâsâŚâ she paused for a second, trying to find the right word, âinteresting, how much effort you put into getting into the same class as Jay when you couldâve directed that energy towards getting into one of Heeseungâs class.â
The sudden statement took you aback. âWell, I wouldnât say I put that much effort into itâŚâ you stammered in an attempt to defend yourself.
âY/N,â Keeho started, an accusatory tone to his words, âyou literally asked Jake to tell you what courses he was taking this semester and when his tutorials were, and when you somehow managed to be enrolled in a class thatâs supposed to be reserved for Visual Studies students, you emailed the tutor to make sure youâd be in the same group as Jay. Iâd say that requires some effort.â
You huffed, mildly offended. âI- Well- I just thought itâd be fun to argue with him about something else than economics, you know. Thereâs only so much to say about that.â Your friends didnât look very convinced. âPlus, there are no classes that Heeseungâs taking that seemed interesting, and even if they were and I managed to get into them, I just wouldâve stuttered trying to answer easy questions. At least if Iâm in a class with Jay, I know itâll be fun.â
After that last sentence, Sieun looked at you like you had proven her point. What a smartass, you thought. What was she even trying to prove?Â
âIs no one gonna say it?â Sunoo asked, bewildered, looking around at your friends. âIt sounds like you like him, Y/N.â
Oh.
Your automatic response was to go, âPfffft,â but when Sieun and Keeho didnât disagree with Sunoo, you looked at them, wide-eyed. âAre you guys serious? I donât like Park Jongseong, thatâs ridiculous.â
Sure, you liked arguing with Jay, that wasnât a secret. That didnât mean you liked him, or anything like that. Just the thought made you shiver. Dating Jay had never even occurred to you; as soon as youâd met, you had taken on a rival-like relationship, arguing about everything and anything. Sure, he was smart, and not too bad-looking, and he was really rich, and when he wanted he could actually be quite nice - but that was not the point! Most of the time, he was just annoying and argued with you for no reason other than to rile you up, and had the most unreasonable opinions youâd ever heard. He took his wealth for granted and sometimes came across as so privileged it made you want to puke.
Sieun took your hands in hers and tried to convince you with her eyes, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. âBut think about it, Y/N. Itâs the enemies to lovers trope!â
You snatched your hands out from her grip and gave her a pointed look. âThis isnât Wattpad, Sieun, this is real life. And Jay and I arenât enemies, weâre merely rivals.â
âEven better!â she exclaimed.
âI completely agree with Sieun,â Sunoo said. âY/N, youâre such a rivals to lovers type of gal.â You rolled your eyes, but Keeho was fervently nodding his head in agreement.
âBy the way, did you guys hear about his parentsâ company throwing a fundraiser?â Keeho said. This piqued your interest, but after your friendsâ accusations, you couldnât look too excited about anything Jay-related, so you nonchalantly asked him to go on. âItâs for some charity, theyâve invited all the big names, and apparently itâs gonna be huge so they need some people to waiter. Iâm thinking of applying. It pays really well and itâs gonna be so fancy. Itâs not like Iâve got much else to do that night anyway.â
âWhen is it?â you asked, still trying not to sound too interested.
âFriday in two weeks.â
âWell, if itâs a Friday, Iâll be getting wasted, so count me out,â Sunoo replied.
âIâd come, but the idea of serving rich people as they give out ten thousand dollars when they could give a million and it wouldnât even affect them in the slightest, not to mention having to do it with a smile on my face, makes my skin crawl, so no thanks,â Sieun said. She wasnât wrong, but this was also Jayâs parents you were talking about. Not only would Jay be there, and your presence would surely piss him off, but his dadâs company was one of the top of the country and being introduced to their world, maybe even getting to know some people there, even just as a waitress, could really benefit you in the long-term. Youâd never admit it to him, but youâd been dreaming of working there ever since youâd first heard of it. Nothing might come out of this, but it was worth trying.
âWhat about you, Y/N? You in?â
You looked at Keeho and said, âYeah, letâs do it.â
â
The next time you saw Jay was for your Economics of Cities and Regions lecture a couple days later. As appropriate of the top students, you two always sat at the very front row along with only a few other brave students. Keeho was always bugging you to sit with him at the back, but you liked being able to look the professor in the eye so they could see how much attention you were paying to them. You listened carefully to the whole lecture, and when it ended, you turned to Jay and called his name in a sickly sweet voice, smiling as warmly as you could. He turned to you with a horrified look on his face.
âPlease never do that again.â
Your smile instantly dropped. You shouldâve known there was no point trying to be nice to him. âSo, Iâve heard about your dadâs firmâs fundraiserâŚâ
Before you could even finish your sentence, he interrupted you. âNo. No way. Youâre not working there. Nope. Not happening.â
âWhat? Why not?â
âBecause this is an important night for me to make myself known as the CEO in line and I canât have you distracting me.â
You didnât question why he considered you a distraction and just pressed further. âCâmon! I promise I wonât be in your way.â He looked at you as if to say I donât believe you. âI need the money.â
âThen get a part-time job.â
âI already have one! And it doesnât pay very well.â
He looked at you and crossed his arms over his chest. No, you didnât notice how his shirt tightened around his biceps. Shut up. Exasperated, he asked, âDo you even know what this fundraiser is for?â
That hadnât even crossed your mind. Why did you need to know what it was for? All you needed was to work there and make some money. You just shrugged âNo.â
He rolled his eyes at you. âYouâre unbelievable. Itâs to help students in need of scholarships. You know how my parents sometimes pay for studentsâ tuition fees? Well,â he sighed, and started to pack up his stuff. âThis is to encourage CEOs of other companies to do the same. Theyâve invited a few students to talk about why scholarships are important for them.â
Interesting, you thought. Itâd have been nice to be one of those students, but being a waitress was already good enough. Youâd have to be quicker to get the role next time. âIâll be part of the waitering team, so I wonât embarrass you, donât worry.â
After a beat, Jay asked, âWhy are you even telling me this? I can say no all I want, Iâm not the one deciding on the staff. Iâd just really, really appreciate it if you didnât come.â
You eyed him for a second until realization hit you. Right. It wasnât like Jay had any say in this, so why were you trying to get him to agree? It had just seemed natural to you that youâd talk to him about this.
You shook your head and said, âWell, Iâm gonna go anyway. I just thought I should let you know. That way you know youâre gonna need to bring your best game to impress me.â
You noticed Keeho waving his arm impatiently at you, waiting for you to leave the lecture theater. Jay watched you walk away, and he couldnât stop the smile spreading on his face.Â
â
âSo⌠Y/N will probably be working at the fundraiser,â Jay said, looking down at his notes. As on most days, Jake and Sunghoon were over at his place, half-studying, half-messing around.
The two boys in front of him groaned in unison. He raised his head and added defensively, âWhat? Iâve barely said anything yet.â
âYeah, but youâre talking about Y/N. Again,â Jake said, as if stating the obvious.
âYou know, Iâm actually surprised heâs managed to not mention her for that long. Itâs been what, fifteen minutes since we got here?â Sunghoon half-joked.
Used to his friendsâ teasing, Jay ignored them and continued. âOn any other occasion, Iâd be more than happy to have her aroundâ - cue another groan from Jake and Sunghoon - âbut I really have to impress my parents and all the guests that evening. If I donât, Iâm gonna have to work twice as hard.â
Indulging his friendâs rant, Jake asked, âWhatâs wrong with her being there? Sheâs not gonna go around and tell everyone youâre a little shit as she hands them champagne glasses.â
Jay rolled his eyes. âNo, of course not, but Iâm gonna be hyper-aware of her presence and I donât want it to distract me.â A third groan. âPlus, I donât like the idea of her being there as a waitress. She should be with the students who talk to the guests, she deserves it more than anybody I know.â
After a beat, Sunghoon, with gracious subtlety and tact as always, added, âYou know, if you had just manned up and asked her out in freshman year when you still had the chance, maybe you couldâve taken her to the fundraiser as your girlfriend and not have her go there as a waitress. Just saying.â
âItâs 2022, Sunghoon, nobody says things like âman upâ anymore.â
âYou dumbass, is that all youâre hearing from what I just said-â
âWhat I think Sunghoon is trying to say,â Jake cut in, âis that this could have been avoided had you had the guts to tell her how you feel. But rest assured, my friend, it can still happen. No such thing as too late.â
âYou always say that, but how the fuck am I supposed to ask her out when sheâs only ever seen me as her rival? Plus, sheâs head over heels for that prick.â
Sensing that Sunghoon was getting ready to deliver another one of his punchlines, Jake quickly replied. âWho cares about Heeseung? It wouldnât be hard to make her see what an asshole he is. And once thatâs done, you can just give her the Park charm,â he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Sunghoon fake gagged at the thought of his friend trying to flirt, and even Jay had to admit he hated how Jake had formulated his sentence. âThatâs all I do though. As soon as we met, we got into arguing, and thatâs just how we communicate now. She wants competition, so I give her competition. I donât know what else to do.â
His friends sighed, unsure what to tell him after having had the same conversation hundreds of times. âDid you ask her why she took that cinema course? I thought it was weird she asked me for all that info. She wanted me to keep hush-hush about it, too,â Jake asked.
Jay thought for a second, then answered, âI did ask her if she was obsessed with me.â A fourth, deserved, groan. âShe just said she thought the class seemed interesting. She didnât even know I was a double major, by the way.â
Jake and Sunghoon chuckled, both thinking but not daring to say that, indeed, no one knew Jay also majored in Visual Studies. The three boys continued chatting for a while until they fell into silence and finally started getting some work done.
Jay managed to get you out of his head for a couple hours, but when his friends left and he was alone, his thoughts immediately drifted back to you. When the two of you first met in freshman year, you had become instant rivals, both top of your class, and always disagreeing on everything. He hadnât minded the dynamic at first: he thought your ideas and the conversations that stemmed from them were always interesting, and he had a lot of respect for you. He wanted to know why you thought that way or what made you say certain things, and soon enough he wanted to know everything about you. Heâd noticed things like how you chewed on your pen when you were in deep reflection, or how youâd look intently at anyone who was talking, as if you were making mental bullet points of their arguments only to break them down afterwards. When he finally realized his feelings for you (not without help from Jake and Sunghoon, who thought he couldnât get any more obvious), he felt like your rivalry-almost-turned-friendship had gone too far, and youâd think he was stupid for liking you. It didnât help that your confident attitude always broke down in front of his arch nemesis Lee Heeseung, making it painfully clear that you had a crush on him.
That night, he kept tossing and turning in his bed, trying to fall asleep. He hated the idea of you having to be there as a waitress, handing out drinks and mini toasts to entitled guests who probably wouldnât even look at you. There had to be a few strings he could pull, right?
â
In all twenty years of your life, you had never been to a place like this. As soon as youâd entered the lobby of the building in which the fundraiser took place, youâd been overwhelmed by the sheer extravagance of the room. Every surface was shiny marble, the ceilings were at least fifteen meters high and the whole place was lit up by tiny wall lamps. You were almost scared to see what the actual ballroom would look like.
The fundraiser started at 8:00 p.m. but the staff had been advised to come earlier to prepare everything. You went further in, and now that you had somehow acclimated to your surroundings, you noticed how busy everyone was. People were running around, going from the kitchen to the back room to the main hall in quick strides. You tried getting one womanâs attention, hoping she could direct you to where you were supposed to go.
âSorry, hi, where do the wai-â
She stopped dead in her tracks and barely looked at you as she whipped out a sheet of paper from her blouse pocket and asked for your name.
âUm, Y/N-â
She checked something off and looked up at you and smiled. âGreat, follow me.â You had no time to ask anything else before she swiveled on her heels again and marched towards another room, you in tow behind her. âWeâve got a script ready for you. You just need to learn it in time for tonight and then use your charm on the guests. Oh, and donât worry about your outfit and all that, weâve got it covered. Good luck!â And with that, she was off.Â
Script? Outfit? What was all this about? You panic-texted Keeho, telling him some lady had dragged you somewhere and told you to learn a whole script. When he didnât answer after five minutes, you assumed he must be busy helping out, but it made you panic even more. You looked around the room and noticed a girl you thought you recognized from one of your classes. You walked up to her, and after saying hi, asked her what the hell was going on here.
She looked at you a bit oddly, as if it didnât make sense you didnât know where you were, but clarified things nonetheless. âBasically, the six of us are going to be wearing these tags so that the guests know who we are, and weâre gonna give them a pity story about how weâre so poor but also so smart and able to change the world if only they give us money. Thatâs what the script is for, it just makes it a bit nicer.â Right, thatâs what Jay had told you. But why were you here when you had signed up to be a waitress? It was what you had wished for, but it made no sense whatsoever.
Registering your still confused expression, the girl went on, âTheyâre also gonna give us nice outfits and make us look more presentable. But not too much, you know, cause a thousand dollar gown wouldnât really fit with the scholarship kid aesthetic.â You laughed with her. You had to admit the whole situation was a bit ridiculous, but if it could help you out, you would take it. You had needed to take out a loan when you started studying, and the enormous debt you would be in as soon as you stepped out of college already stressed you out.
You learned your script, which was actually just more like detailed examples of the things you should say and what direction your conversations with the guests should take, until somebody called out your name, telling you it was time to get you ready. You were led to another room which was full of clothing racks holding fancy dresses and suits. Your immediate thought was that the clothes in this one room were probably worth more than your entire house.Â
You could only admire the room for a few moments before a stylist threw a dress in your arms and practically pushed you into a dressing room. You took a good look at black dress before putting it on. It wasnât overly fancy; the girl you had talked to was right, it wouldnât make sense for you to look like you were the richest person there. With its modest cleavage and mid-thigh length, it was what you assumed to be formal enough for this type of event, and surprisingly fit you like a glove. It made you look put-together and accentuated your features in the subtlest way.Â
When you walked out of the dressing room, the stylist eyed you up and down, adjusting the dress here and there, then stepped back and mumbled absent-mindedly, as if thinking out loud, âWow, he does have good taste.â
You didnât have the time to ask her what she meant as she had already turned away, looking for jewelry to finish off your outfit. The earrings, necklace and ring she gave you werenât huge 20 carat diamonds, but youâd never worn such delicate jewelry before, you were almost too scared to move with them on you in fear of breaking them. The stylist, however, didnât seem too fussed, and as soon as she was done, said, âWell, thatâs all for me. Off you go to hair and makeup now!â
Hair and makeup? You were going to get your hair and makeup done by professionals? You felt like a celebrity. Your whole life, your mom had cut your hair, and you bought your makeup at the drugstore.Â
While they didnât make you look like a Hunger Games Capitol citizen, when they were done with you, the reflection that looked back at you in the mirror was uncanny. You were still you, there was no doubt about that, but you looked like a perfect version of yourself, which only makeup expertly applied could create. Although theyâd never seen you before, the makeup artist had managed to accentuate or make disappear lines you had never noticed on your face before, and the hair stylist had done your hair in a simple but very flattering manner, letting it cascade naturally down your shoulders.
The stylists let you admire yourself for a few moments, knowing you probably werenât used to such pampering, but soon ushered you out to the ballroom; the fundraiser was just about to start, and you needed to be there for the beginning of it. You were made to sit at a table with the other students at the front, close to the stage. An organizer came to see you and explained how the evening was going to go down. Most of the evening would be spent standing, chatting to the guests and persuading them to donate, except when the main course was served. There was no fixed seating chart, so you could go with whomever invited you to sit with them. All in all, your goal was to be as likable as possible, and get guests to understand why scholarships were important without sounding desperate, just like the script indicated.
Tapping your foot nervously, you watched as more people trickled in, each looking richer than the previous. Soon enough, the whole room was seated, and a man you recognized as Jayâs dad arrived on the stage, welcomed by polite applause. You listened intently to his welcome speech, and you could see Jayâs presence and charisma in him; every word of his seemed to be thought out and to have purpose. He did a spectacular job at kicking off the fundraiser, and you were clapping enthusiastically when he was done, not expecting what he was about to do.Â
With an extended hand, he pointed at you and the five students you were sitting with. âOf course, this wouldnât be possible without these six brilliant students whom we have the honor of welcoming tonight. Would you all come up on stage with me?â he asked warmly, although you knew it wasnât really a question. You all looked at each other bemusedly, but you didnât have much of a choice, so you all got up and walked up the stairs to the stage.
You hadnât realized how many people were attending until you were standing right in front of them. The bright spots lighting the stage made it hard to distinguish anyoneâs face in the crowd, which only made your position more intimidating to you. Thankfully, you didnât have to introduce yourself; Jayâs dad did it for you, and after a few minutes, you were free to walk off the stage and start mingling with the guests. Whew.
As soon as the six of you stepped off the stage, guests started approaching you, engaging you in conversation right away. You were a bit taken aback, but remembering you needed to be perfect tonight, you put on the most genuine smile you could muster. Them coming to you was better than having to chase after them.Â
An hour and a half passed, and you had been engrossed in so many conversations that you hadnât noticed so much time had already gone. The only time your attention had been pulled out was when Keeho came to your group, offering you toasts of caviar and bubbly champagne, and discreetly (or at least as discreetly as Keeho could be, which wasnât very) gave you a wide-eyed look, which you returned. You had no idea why you werenât working like him either.Â
When somebody announced the main course would soon be served, a lot of guests went to sit down, so you were now stuck with the most pretentious man you had ever talked to. All the other guests, no matter how rich or famous or successful they were, had managed to stay somewhat humble and not flaunt how much higher they were in society than you, but it seemed that it was all this man knew how to do. You knew you needed to stay polite even in front of scum like him, but it was hard giving him your undivided attention when he was going on and on about basic economic principles you had learned in your first year of college. Your eyes started drifting around the room, until they fell on a certain someone.
Lee Heeseung was here. Of course he was; his parents, although they were rivals to the Park family, were still huge names in your countryâs economy, and they couldnât not be here tonight. Heeseungâs presence wasnât required, but you imagined it couldnât hurt his image to be seen by many adults at a gathering like this one. He was standing by the bar, talking to a girl who was clearly trying to flirt with him, but he didnât seem to be into her. You hadnât meant to stare, but his eyes soon met yours. You immediately felt heat rise to your cheeks. He didnât break eye contact, even when he replied to whatever the girl was saying. His eyes started drifting down from your face to your body, as if he was undressing you with his gaze. You opened your mouth and let out a small gasp at the sheer indecency of the way he was looking at you. The sound you made made you snap out of your daze, and you turned your attention back to the man in front of you, who hadnât even noticed you werenât listening to him anymore, so enthralled he was by his own conversation.
You excused yourself, not wanting to be in Heeseungâs sight anymore. You werenât sure what to make of the interaction - you loved the idea of Heeseung paying so much attention to you, but there was something about the setting and the fact that he was talking with another girl the whole time which made you a bit uncomfortable. Disheveled, you sat down at the nearest table, not paying much attention to who was there.
âEverything alright, miss Y/N?â
That voice was too familiar. Of course, you just had to sit next to Jayâs dad, a.k.a. one of the richest CEOs in the country, a.k.a. the man behind this fundraiser. You changed your expression from distressed to spirited, not wanting him to think you werenât handling tonight well. Before you could say anything to reassure him, he added, âNot easy, is it, entertaining so many people? Iâm sure youâll get used to it.â
Relief immediately washed over you. You looked down and said, âIt hasnât been too bad, just depends on the person youâre talking to.â
He chuckled. âI thought I saw you talking to CEO Jung. Or rather, CEO Jung talking at you. Sorry about him, heâs just the kind of person you have to learn to deal with.â
You continued talking to Mr Park, and he even invited you to stay at his table when the main course was served. He was surprisingly easy to converse with; he intently listened to you, even though he probably met infinitely more interesting people than you every day, and bounced off of your words naturally. You wondered how such an easy-going man could give birth to an argumentative boy like Jay.
You suddenly wondered where Jay was. You hadnât seen him all evening, and he wasnât sitting at his dadâs table either. You assumed heâd be busy with other people, but you couldnât help being curious about his whereabouts. Not wanting to look around the room searching for him and appear disinterested in his dad, you just asked him directly if he knew where his son was.
Mr Park quirked an eyebrow and asked, âOh, you know my son?â
âYes, weâve had a lot of classes together since freshman year,â you explained.
He seemed deep in thought for a second, until he started slowly nodding his head as if heâd just figured something out. âOf course, youâre Y/N. I knew that name was familiar.â
Why would your name be familiar to Jayâs dad? âOh, did Jay mention me or some-â
Before you could finish your sentence, Mr Park said, âAh, there he is,â gaze directed behind your shoulder. And indeed, as you turned around, you saw Jay coming towards your table.
 âDad, mind if I steal Y/N for a second?â
âSheâs all yours,â he replied, sending a wink his sonâs way. You looked at Jay and he seemed just as confused about his dadâs words as you. But then his eyes found yours and he motioned for you to get up and follow him with a tilt of his head.
âIt was really nice talking to you, Mr Park, thank you so much for your time.â
âOf course. It was lovely meeting you, Y/N. Iâm sure weâll see each other soon enough,â he said with a knowing smile.Â
You didnât even try figuring out what he meant, and just walked with Jay as he took you to a quieter area of the ballroom. Most people had finished eating and had stood up again, so youâd needed to weave through them, and Jay put a hand on your lower back to guide you better. You ignored the warmth that spread on your skin where he touched you, blaming it on the glasses of champagne youâd had.Â
When youâd reached a spot where you could talk easily, he turned towards you with a smirk. âI canât believe youâre already charming your way up to my dad. Youâre definitely ambitious, Y/N.â
You rolled your eyes but then remembered where you were and thought it might be best to not give in to Jayâs taunts here, so you kept your voice low when you replied. âI didnât even do it on purpose. I just sat there, and he happened to already be at the table.â
His smirk only grew wider. âRight.â Then he stepped back a bit, and took a good look at you. Unlike Heeseungâs gaze earlier, the way Jay looked at you in that moment, like you were the only thing worth looking at in this beautiful ballroom, made butterflies erupt in your stomach. God, you really had had too much champagne. âI knew that dress would look good on you.â
You shouldâve been flustered by the compliment, but you were too confused by Jayâs words: how could he have known about this? Why did he make it sound like he had chosen the dress? The stylistâs words from earlier suddenly pop up in your mind: âhe does have good taste.â There was also the fact that you had applied to work as a waitress tonight but ended up as one of the scholarship students. Slowly, things started piecing together in your mind, and you looked up at the well-dressed, smirking boy in front of you in disbelief.
âJay. Did you do this?â
âDo what?â he said, an innocent tone to his voice, but a mischievous look in his eyes.
Your eyes widened and you lightly slapped his arm. âYou did! I- You- Ugh. Thanks, I guess,â you muttered, looking down at your shoes. You were beyond grateful, but your ego stopped you from being too showy about it.
He smiled at you, and you ignored how much you loved it. âIt was no big deal. Just had to change your name from the waitering group to the student reps. Took me two seconds,â he said, following your gaze down, bashfully admitting to helping you out.
âWhyâd you do it?â
Because youâre the most amazing person Iâve ever met and the world should know about it, was his immediate thought. But of course, heâd never say that out loud, so he opted for, âI just felt bad for you, really. I know you like to think of us as rivals, so I thought the least I could do was to put us on equal footing tonight.â
Although you had a feeling he wasnât telling you everything, you werenât going to press any further. You chatted for a bit longer, the both of you enjoying a relaxed conversation after hours on being on your best behavior, and your ability of talking normally to Jay and not wanting to claw his eyes out surprised you, not to mention the fact that you were⌠enjoying yourself.
âAnyway, Iâm doing the closing speech soon. Iâm gonna be awesome, so look closely, yeah?â You knew he wanted to look cool, but you thought he sounded like an excited kid who was about to put on a show for his family. How cute, you thought, and immediately chased that thought away from your brain. That damn champagne mustâve been laced with something.
You both went back into the crowd, and quickly your name was called out by someone you had talked to earlier who wanted to introduce you to someone else. You quickly waved goodbye at Jay, a smile on your face. If anybody had seen him, they wouldâve noticed how his cheeks fired up and how he waved excitedly back at you.
And indeed, he had been seen.
His dad had been talking with one of his business partners, but tried to keep some of his attention on you and Jay. He couldnât help but be curious as to why his son, who had previously never expressed any romantic interest in anyone, was suddenly making sure you attended the fundraiser as a student rep and not a waitress, and why heâd even gone the extra mile and chosen your dress for you. He hadnât missed the way his sonâs face lit up when he was talking to you, and how his gaze lingered on you as you walked away. But he also hadnât missed how youâd followed Jay without hesitation, and how relaxed youâd looked talking to him. He thought the both of you acted as if it was just you two in a room full to the brim with people. When his wife joined him at the table, heâd told her about their sonâs unusual behavior, and she said that she had noticed him looking around as if searching for someone a few times during the evening. They exchanged a knowing smile.
Heeseung had also noticed Jay leading you away from the crowd, and had intently watched your interaction, not even trying to make the girl he was talking to think he was still paying attention to her. He knew you had a crush on him; you couldnât make it any more obvious. But he also knew how comfortable, how yourself you were around Jay; heâd seen the two of you banter around campus, always arguing about something, whether it was the new law that was being put into place or whether pineapple belongs on pizza or not. Heeseung wasnât stupid, heâd seen enough rom-coms to know that the girl always ended up with the friend she joked around with and not the hot popular guy that made her feel nervous.
Jay and him had been rivals since he could remember, and not rivals like you and Jay, but proper rivals, who actually had to fight for something. Well, technically, it was their fathers who were competing as CEOs of some of the top firms in the country, but since they were bound to take their place at some point, it had felt like their competition as well. Nothing was off-limits when it came to their rivalry, and you were most definitely not an exception, not to Heeseung. He couldnât stand seeing Jay have something he didnât. At that moment, he made up his mind.
Heeseung had to have you.
But before that, Jay needed to give his closing speech. As soon as heâd stepped on the stage, the chatter started to quiet down, and everyone turned their attention to him. Much like you earlier, he hadnât realized how bright the lights were when standing onstage. He could only see over a hundred people staring right at him, and his confident demeanor from moments ago crumbled at his feet. He scanned the crowd for your face, desperately needing something, or rather someone, to anchor him. When his eyes finally found yours, he felt strength regaining his body. His mother followed his gaze and found you looking right at her son, sending a reassuring smile and thumbs-up his way.
Jayâs speech went very smoothly, and everybody congratulated him for it as they left the room.
â
Back home after a stressful but rewarding evening, all Jay wanted to do was take a shower and pass out in bed. But his parents had other plans.
âSoâŚâ started his mother, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
âSo?â Jay asked, already fearing whatever his mom was about to say.
âY/Nâs a nice girl,â she simply stated, hoping Jayâs reaction would give her more to go on.
And oh boy did it. He immediately started blushing and stuttering at the sudden mention of your name. He knew youâd spoken with his father at the fundraiser, but he hadnât thought his mom would bring you up.
âY-Y/N? Yeah, I guess. But what about her?â he said, looking away and trying to sound uninterested, but blatantly failing.
His parents exchanged a look. âCâmon, son,â his dad picked up, âyou donât need to hide something like that from us. Weâre very happy that youâve found a nice girlfriend like Y/N.â
A nice⌠girlfriend? Had Jay heard that correctly? His parents thought you two were⌠dating?Â
As he stared at them wide-eyed and mouth agape, they just chuckled softly at him. âItâs okay, Jay, really. She made a dazzling impression on all of the guests tonight, and on us. Sheâs exactly the kind of person you should be dating, so donât worry about us getting in your way of anything. We approve of your relationship.â
Jay started laughing in disbelief, and his parents just took it as a sign of his relief. If only they knew. âRight,â he said between chuckles, âthanks, guys.â
Why he didnât deny what his parents were saying was beyond him. A part of him didnât want to disappoint them by telling them the truth - his mother had always urged him to get a girlfriend, saying he wouldnât have the time for dating later on in his career, that he should enjoy his college years as much as he could. Another part of him loved the idea of dating you, and it hurt him too much to shatter that thought.
So he just nodded along, saying he was glad they liked you.
âWe really did,â said his father. âIn fact, you should bring her over for dinner sometime this week. Itâd be nice getting to know her in a less formal setting, donât you think? Ask her what she likes, Iâll ask the chef to cook it specially for her.â
âS-sure,â Jay said, already panicking - heâd either have to come up with an excuse as to why you couldnât come to dinner, or with ways to convince you to be his pretend-girlfriend for a night. If he actually did ask you, heâd have to be very careful about it, otherwise itâd end up with you trying to pull his hair out.
What the hell had he gotten himself into?
â
At 10:43 a.m. the next day, you were waiting for Jay in front of the library. Right when you were about to turn your bedside lamp off, youâd received a text from him, asking to meet. Apparently, there was something he needed to tell you, and whatever it was, you were absolutely dreading it. Jay always had a lot of things to say, but heâd never felt the need before to warn you in advance that he needed to tell you something. Those kinds of messages were never very pleasant, and even less so when they came from Park Jongseong. Rereading the messages, you really couldnât figure out what was so important that required you to take a break from your weekly Saturday morning study sessions.
00:44 archnemesis: Hey Y/N
00:44 archnemesis: Are you still up?
00:44 you: do NOT fuckboy text me jongseong
00:44 archnemesis: Sorry
00:45 you: go away im trying to sleep
00:45 archnemesis: Not trying hard enough obviously
00:45 you: shut up
00:45 you: what do u want
00:45 archnemesis: I need to tell you something.
00:45 archnemesis: Can we meet up tomorrow morning?
00:46 you: wtf
00:46 you: what is it ???
00:47 you: cant u just tell me now??
00:49 you: jay ???
00:49 archnemesis: Um.
00:49 archnemesis: Iâll tell you tomorrow!
00:49 archnemesis: :D
0:49 archnemesis: library 10:45?
0:50 you: ughhhhh
00:50 you: yeah whatever
00:50 you: this better be worth it istg
00:51 archnemesis: Good night Y/N <3
00:51 you: EWWWW
Youâd stayed awake for a while after that, trying to figure out whatever it was he needed to tell you, but the only thing you were sure about was that it had something to do with the fundraiser, since heâd texted you after it. Had he finally realized how superior in every aspect you were to him and would finally bow down to you? That seemed pretty unlikely. Did one of the guests there really like you and had spontaneously decided to pay for your studies and offer you an internship at their company? Were they impressed by your intellect and wanted you to become their kidsâ private tutor? Possible. Or even better, maybe it was Jayâs parents whose attention you had particularly caught, and they wanted to reward you in some way. Maybe they thought you were amazing and that youâd be a perfect girlfriend for their son, and Jay, ever the daddyâs boy, would now shower you with gifts and attention in order to capture your heart.
Ha, as if, you thought, laughing to yourself. It was a lot less funny when Jay told you about the little misunderstanding.
You were sitting at the library cafĂŠ with Jay, whoâd wanted to postpone delivering the news as much as possible and had bribed you with the promise of free hot coffee. Well, free for you, at least. Not that a coffee would create much of a dent in his bank account. After five minutes of chit-chatting, you were getting annoyed with him and didnât understand why he was being so uncharacteristically awkward and asked him to cut straight to the chase. When he told you his parents thought you were his girlfriend and wanted to have you over for dinner this week, it took all you had to not spit the coffee right in his face. Not only was it ridiculous, it was practically exactly what you had imagined.
âAre you kidding me, Jongseong? I can barely pretend to be your friend, how the hell am I gonna pretend to be your girlfriend?â
Your words were like bullets piercing right through his body, but he had to ignore the pain, telling himself you were just shocked by the sudden news. âIâm sorry, Y/N, I just- I panicked, and I didnât know how to tell them the truth. They seemed so happy,â he said, head hung low. You knew he was genuinely sorry, because heâd almost never actually said those words to you, so he had to mean them. The only other time you could think of was when heâd dropped his water bottle all over your laptop. The next day, heâd offered you a brand new MacBook with all of his notes already downloaded on it.
You sighed, unsure what to make of the whole situation. At any other time, your first reaction wouldâve been to flip Jay off and tell him to get out of his own mess, but you felt like you owed him after what heâd done for you at the fundraiser. Even though he made it seem like no big deal, it still meant a lot to you that youâd gotten to spend the evening making yourself known to the guests and not serving them smoked salmon toasts, and that was all thanks to him.
âI guess I do owe you one, Jongseong.â His head snapped up and he looked at you with the most hopeful eyes youâd ever seen. âBut before you get carried away,â you warned, âthis is a one-time thing. Find an excuse, say we broke up or whatever. Fake dating is like, the most predictable trope ever,â you said, remembering all the heated discussions youâd had on the topic with Sieun.
But Jay paid no attention to that last sentence - he leapt up from his chair and came over to your side, engulfing you in a surprisingly warm hug. He muttered thank you over and over into your hair before realizing hugging wasnât something you guys did and he might have just made things way worse. To his relief, when he took a sudden step back, you didnât look upset at all, but rather amused at his sudden burst of excitement.Â
He returned to his seat and cleared his throat. âRight. Thanks a lot, Y/N. My dad likes to have family dinners on Thursdays, so itâll probably be then. Iâll, uh, Iâll take you there, so donât worry about that.â
You chuckled at him. âYou know Iâll never let you live this down, right?â
He sighed and shook his head, saying, âI know. But Iâd rather have that than disappoint my parents, to be honest.â He smiled at you as if to take away some of the gravity of what heâd just said. You thought it wasnât something he wanted to delve into, so you took a sip of your coffee and brought up the topic of this weekâs tutorial for your cinema class, knowing it was a surefire way to start an argument with him.Â
â
On Monday at lunch, you were sitting at the cafeteria with your friends. Keeho was telling them how fancy youâd looked and how youâd managed to charm everyone.
âI feel like I should be jealous, but what you did looked a lot more tiring than what I did, to be honest. When youâre a waiter at that kind of event, those rich people donât even register your presence, so they just say the wildest shit in front of you. Apparently, CEO Cha is having an affair with CEO Liuâs wife, whoever they are.â
You chuckled at your friend, feeling even more thankful towards Jay that you didnât have to spend your evening like that. The four of you continued chatting, which mainly consisted of complaining about how you already had so much work only two weeks into the semester. You were intently listening to the niche topic Sieun was learning about in her Bio class when someone dropped a bag on the table right next to your tray. The letters âGucciâ were written on it in the iconic but simple font.
Your gaze went from the bag to the person holding it, and of course, it was none other than Park Jongseong himself.
âHey, Y/N. Hey, guys,â he said, giving your friends a simple nod. They all replied with a confused hi. You were just staring at Jay, wondering what he was doing here.
âI got you something for Thursday night,â he explained. âGotta wow the parents, you know?â he added with a wink.
âUh-huhâ was your very clever reply. You could feel your friendsâ gaze ping-ponging between you and Jay.
Jay looked around the table, an awkward silence spreading between everyone. He cleared his throat. âWell, let me know if it fits or not. See you around.â And with that, he was gone as quickly as heâd arrived. You turned back to your friends, and their confused faces echoed your own.Â
âWhat are you waiting for?â Sunoo nudged your arm. âTake a look inside!â
You took the bag on your lap and pulled out a magnificent green satin dress that was a lot more elegant than the one youâd worn at the fundraiser. You guessed Jay really did want for you to make a good impression on his parents. It seemed to be quite long and to not show too much skin, which you appreciated. You could only hope it would look as good on you as it did seeing it like this.
As soon as youâd taken it out, youâd heard your friends gasp.Â
âOh.â
âMy.â
âGod,â theyâd said in turn, obviously mesmerized by the gift.Â
You handed the dress to Sieun, who clearly wanted to admire it up close, and looked into the bag in case there was anything else. You were maybe hoping for a pair of earrings or a necklace, but it was wishful thinking. Instead, you found a sticky note signed Jay, which read, Wear the accessories and shoes from last week. I canât spoil you too much just yet.
You hadnât even noticed Sunoo was reading the note over your shoulder until he put his hand over yours in what seemed to be a confidential manner and said, with all the seriousness in the world, âY/N, be honest with us. Is Park Jay your sugar daddy?â
Sieun and Keehoâs head snapped up and they stared at you expectantly. âWhat the hell? Why is that the first place your mind goes to?â you said, almost laughing in disbelief.
Bewildered, Sunoo replied, âHow can it not? The wink, the Gucci gift, the note? It screams sugar daddy!â
âWait - didnât he say something about his parents? Iâm not an expert, but I donât think meeting the folks is sugar daddy etiquette,â Keeho mused, taking this way too seriously.
You took a deep breath. There was no point in not telling your friends what had happened, so you explained the events of the past few days to them, from Jay changing your role at the fundraiser, to his parents thinking you were dating, to dinner with them on Thursday.
When you were done bringing them up to date, they all looked at you with incredulous looks. After a moment, Sieun broke the silence: âY/N, youâve become a real walking rom-com. Iâm so proud of you.âÂ
Keeho was tearing his bread apart, throwing chunks into his mouth. âI donât know. Fake dating is kinda boring, to be honest.â Sieun let out an offended gasp and Sunoo nodded in agreement.Â
âWeâre not gonna be fake dating. Just for this one evening, Iâll pretend to be his girlfriend, and itâll be over as quickly as it started,â you said, hoping thatâd be the end of this conversation, but your friends wouldnât back down so easily.Â
âY/N, thatâs literally the whole concept of fake dating. Youâll think itâs only that one time, and before you know it, youâll be married with three children, and it wonât be fake anymore,â Sieun warned, but you just shook your head and laughed, stealing Keehoâs other piece of bread from his tray.
âYou guys are blowing this way out of proportion.â
âAnd youâll be blowing something else soonâŚâ Sunoo muttered, just loud enough for your table to hear. You let out an offended gasp but Keeho and Sieun just burst into laughter.
âSunoo!â
âWhat?!â he replied, imitating your outraged tone but sporting an amused smile. âYour whole rivalry thing is too cute, I canât take it seriously. You wonât admit it to yourself, but you clearly like Jay a lot more than you do Heeseung,â he said with a shrug, as if it was all so obvious. You tried to find support in Keeho or Sieunâs eyes, but they avoided your gaze, guilty expressions on their faces.
âGuys, come on, you canât be serious. Jongseong and I are just- weâre just-â Rivals? Friends? Soon-to-be fake boyfriend and girlfriend? Who knew anymore. You took a deep breath. âItâs not like that.â
âWhatever you say,â Sunoo sighed, but to your relief that was the end of the conversation. Your friends quickly moved on to another topic, but their words gnawed at the back of your mind like rabid bunnies. Either they were completely insane, or you had gravely misjudged Jay this whole time.Â
â
When Jay rang your doorbell at 7:00 p.m. sharp on Thursday, you were just done applying a thin layer of gloss on your lips. That morning, heâd texted you to ask for your address and tell you to be ready at seven. You took a good look at yourself in the mirror and headed down the stairs to get the door, but your mother had beat you to it.Â
Not used to keeping secrets from her, youâd told her everything. Sheâd looked at you curiously the whole time, a slight smirk on her face as if she knew something you didnât. And sure enough, when you were finished talking, sheâd said, âI knew there was something between you and that Jay boy. You talk way too much about him.â
Not her too, you thought, but you didnât need to encourage her delusions by telling her your friends thought the same, so youâd tried to defend yourself. âMom! I just told you, Iâm only pretending, Iâm not actually his girlfriend. If I did like him, youâd be the first to know.â
She looked at you with a knowing smile that moms loved to wear. âI do know. Youâre the one who doesnât.â Youâd dismissed her with a roll of your eyes. Everybody around meâs going crazy, you thought.
When she opened the door, it revealed a very smartly-dressed Jay (but when was he not?), bouquet in hand. He immediately handed them to her and introduced himself.
âNice to meet you, Mrs Kim. Iâm-â
âJay, I know. Y/Nâs mentioned you.â
âHas she?â he asked, a genuine grin blooming on his lips. You ignored how the glint of surprise and - hopefulness? - in his eyes tug at your heartstrings.
âJust once or twice, and never positively,â you interrupted, appearing next to your mom. Taking your appearance in, she nodded at you approvingly, but Jay just stood there, mouth agape, seemingly transfixed by you. He only snapped out of his daze when you called out his name.
âYou ready to go?â you asked, and hoped that the heat that had traveled to your face was hidden by your makeup.
âUh, yeah, yeah. Letâs go. It was nice meeting you, Mrs Kim.â
âYou too, Jay. Thanks for the flowers. I hope Y/N will be a good fake girlfriend to you tonight.â
âOh, you told her?â Jay asked you, looking somewhat disappointed.Â
âI wasnât gonna lie to my mom about my boyfriend,â you said, nudging him out of the door. âBye, mom!â
You ignored her reply (âDonât have too much fun!â) and walked speedily towards Jayâs car, which looked far too expensive for this neighborhood. As you got closer, he took a few quick steps in front of you and opened the passenger door for you. You rolled your eyes, not wanting to let on how the gesture made your stomach flip. âNo need to go that far, Jongseong. Donât try to woo me.â
He hurried to the driverâs seat, looked at you with a grin and said, âMight as well get into character now.â His gaze lingered on you for a second too long, and you started feeling self-conscious when his eyes moved up and down over your body. When you coughed, he suddenly turned his attention back to the front and gulped, then started the car. He looked taken aback himself, as if he hadnât even noticed he was staring at you. After a few seconds of silence, he said, âI really do have good fashion taste.âÂ
Although he was technically complimenting himself, you caught yourself hoping he also meant you looked good in the dress heâd chosen for you. âYou could have included shoes and jewelry, you know. I wouldnât have taken it the wrong way,â you said with a playful tone.Â
âSounds like youâre already getting used to a lavish lifestyle,â he retorted, making you smile sheepishly.Â
âIâm just not used to dressing up nicely like this. Itâs nice,â you said truthfully. You werenât sure where the honesty was coming from, but something about being in a car with Jay made you feel like you could say anything - it felt safe, like whatever you could tell him would stay between the two of you. What happens in Jayâs car, stays in Jayâs car, or something along those lines.Â
Jay wanted to tell you that if you gave him a chance, you could do this anytime you wanted. Heâd buy you all the dresses you could dream of, and give you a taste of his world, which he so often found bland and shallow, but that he was sure you could light up in the blink of an eye. But he couldnât say that, so instead, he said, âYeah, I noticed. I donât think anything youâve ever done or said offended me more than that one time you showed up to class wearing a âwhere the hell have you been, loca?â t-shirt.â
âShut up, that shirt is amazing!â
âMaybe, but the movie itâs quoting is an absolute trashfire of a film, if you can even call it that,â he claimed, knowing itâd get a reaction out of you.
âDonât talk shit about Twilight, Jongseong, or Iâll mess tonight up and your parents will think youâre dating a psycho.â
He turned to you with a smirk. âIâd like to see you try.â
Youâd always known Jay was a confident man. Itâs obvious in the way he holds his head high whenever he enters a room, or how he manages to stay calm and collected during an argument with someone whoâs practically shouting at him (you, usually). And while he was always self-assured during your debates, seeing him act like this to practically flirt - could you describe it like that? - with you rendered you speechless. And you hated being speechless.
So you crossed your arms with a hmph and looked out the window, turning away so he couldnât catch your fluttered state.Â
You finally arrived at his parentsâ house after a half-an-hour drive (âYou live so far away, do you seriously drive to campus and back everyday?â âYes, Jay, not all of us can live in a three-bedroom flat in the middle of the cityâ). As soon as you walked in, his mother greeted you with a warm hug, telling you how pretty you looked, and his father clasped your hand tightly, the lines around his eyes showing as he smiled at you. By the looks of it, you wouldnât need to do much for them to like you.
You could tell Mr Park was a businessman by the way he didnât beat around the bush when talking to you. As soon as youâd sat down in the (or at least one of the) living rooms for drinks and small appetizers, he asked, âSo, Y/N, tell us about yourself.â
Having anticipated such a question, you started, âWell, Iâm an Econ major-â
âYes, but I know thereâs more to you than just academics,â Jayâs dad interrupted with a well-intentioned smile.
You looked at Jay, hoping he could help you out. He just looked back at you as if he was waiting for your answer as much as his dad was. âRight. Um. Where should I begin?â you said with an awkward chuckle. You felt a bit put on the spot, but there was only genuine curiosity in all three pairs of eyes looking at you, so you felt comfortable enough to go on.
âIâve always lived here. Or, technically, in the suburbs. Since I spend most of my time either studying, working at my part-time job or commuting back and forth between school and home, I donât have much time for hobbies. I just use my free time to spend time with my friends or my family.â You looked at the three people in front of you, wondering if youâd said enough. After a beat, you added, âSorry, was that too depressing?â
Mr and Mrs Park chuckled at you, and he instantly reassured you, saying, âNo, no, not at all. Tell us about your family.â
You were expecting that one too. âWell, itâs just my mother, my little sister and me. But sheâs at boarding school right now, so I only see her during the holidays.â
âBoarding school - thatâs pretty impressive,â commented Jayâs mom.
You smiled fondly at the thought of your little sister. âYeah, sheâs a smart cookie. Got there on a scholarship and everything. She likes it most of the time but she does complain about how the people there are all-â
You stopped yourself before your tongue could slip up and potentially offend Jayâs parents. But to your surprise, they smiled and, in turn, said, âRich and self-centered?âÂ
âLittle kids who think they run the place when theyâre only fourteen?â
A chuckle escaped you, not expecting them to share that kind of opinion with you and your sister. An amused tone in your voice, you nodded your head and said, âYeah, exactly.â
âYeah, I know all about those. Your boyfriend here might have been born into wealth,â he started, and you tried not to choke on your drink at Jay being referred to as your boyfriend, âbut my fatherâs company, the one Iâm in charge of now, only started being successful when I was in high school. My dad worked his way up from the ground, so he and I both know what itâs like to not be well-off. Iâve tried to not turn Jay into one of those rich kids who think theyâll rule the world just cause they have money, and⌠well, I hope I did a good job.â
You looked at Jay with a grin. He looked right back at you as if to say, I dare you to tell my dad heâs wrong. If this was anyone else in any other situation, you definitely wouldâve told them Jay is one of the most privileged people youâve ever met. You thought for another second - yes, Jay was definitely privileged, but there was a sort of innocence about him. Heâd never used his wealth to make you feel inferior to him or anything of the sort. When heâd bought you that MacBook, it was to apologize, not to show off. It was as normal for him to have his meals cooked and laundry washed as it was for you to sigh in defeat every time the price of milk went up, even by just a cent or two.
So, still looking at him, you replied, âYeah, Iâd say you did a pretty good job.â
The way Jayâs eyes looked in that moment, fond and soft, made you want to never look away. But you didnât want to make it awkward, so you turned back to his parents, who were watching the two of you with affection. Maybe Jay and you were a little bit too good at this whole fake-dating thing.
A maid came into the room to announce dinner was ready, and you all headed to the dining room. When plates of your favorite food arrived, you looked at Jay, astonishment written all over your face.
âHow did you know?â
âYou mightâve mentioned it here and thereâŚâ he sheepishly answered, knowing fully well that heâd gotten the information from a tweet youâd made eight months ago.
As conversation picked up again and you exchanged with his parents over a bunch of different topics, from childhood memories to that weird new Netflix show thatâs strangely addicting, you tried to ignore Jayâs stare that was burning into the side of your face.Â
âWhat about your dad?â he suddenly asked, catching everybody in the room off guard. Noticing your confused look, he continued, âEarlier. You said it was just you, your sister and your mom. What about your dad?â
His mom furrowed her eyebrows at him and said, âJongseong, leave her be. If she hasnât told you, she probably doesnât want to talk about it.â
You took a deep breath. âNo, itâs alright. I donât mind talking about it, I just donât usually bring it up cause it makes people think of me differently? Like they start to pity me just because my dadâs out of the picture, when, really, it hasnât affected me that much. Iâve never known him, my mom has always raised the two of us on her own.â You looked down at your hands. You hadnât even realized youâd been fiddling your fingers. âIt just seems too clichĂŠ, the poor girl who lives in the suburbs and is on a scholarship and doesnât have a dad and redeems herself by having good grades. Which is why I like to usually keep it to myself.â
You looked back up at them and were relieved when you found understanding and not pity in their eyes. If there was one thing you didnât want to happen, was for them to think you were leeching off of Jay or trying to get his money. Even though you werenât actually dating, it wouldâve still damaged your ego if they had seen you that way.
A few hours later, dessert was finished, and you could tell everyone was starting to tire (or had had too many glasses of wine) by the way the conversation was starting to make less and less sense. Jay was looking at the three of you in amusement, stone cold sober, as he knew heâd have to drive you home later.
âWell, Y/N, son, weâre not going to hold you hostage here any longer. You still have classes tomorrow,â Jayâs dad said.
His parents led the two of you to the door as you gathered your coat and bag. âIt was so lovely getting to know you more, Y/N. You truly are a sweet girl, and we can tell youâre making our Jay very happy,â his mother said, pulling you into a hug.
âYou better treat her well, son,â said Mr Park. Jay looked over at you, and there was something in his eyes you couldnât quite explain; all you knew was that it sent shivers straight down your spine. âI will,â he simply said, but with so much honesty, it made you wonder if he actually did mean it.
âOh, and Y/N, thereâs an event this Saturday. It wonât be as fun as ours last week, but Iâm sure you could find a way to enjoy it. Plus, it wouldnât hurt for people to see what a nice, hardworking girlfriend Jay has,â his father said, beaming down at you.
Jay and you exchanged a look, and the panic at the sudden invitation made you say, âYes, Iâd love to attend!â instead of finding a palatable excuse.
You exchanged final goodbyes with his parents, and as soon as you were in the car, you let out a hearty groan.
âMy God, whatâs wrong with me? Why did I have to say yes to that?â
Jay started the car. âIâm surprised too. If you had given me three seconds, I couldâve come up with an excuse for you. But I mean, Iâm not gonna complain.â
You turned your head towards him, a pout on your face. âWhat do you mean?â
Jay kept his eyes straight on the road as he answered. âWell, like he said, it wonât be a bad look for me to have you on my arm. As much as it pains me to admit, youâre charming and intelligent, and,â he glanced quickly towards you, âI have good fashion taste, so you donât look like an absolute fool in that department either.â
You snorted at his coyness. âJust say Iâm pretty and move on, Jongseong.â
âIs that what I said, though?â he asked, a devilish grin on his face.Â
You gasped dramatically, trying to appear as offended as possible. âYour dad literally just told you to treat me well, Iâll have you know.â
âThey really fell for it, didnât they?,â he said with a sigh. âI have to say, you did a pretty good job tonight. Almost got me wondering if youâre not used to being peopleâs fake date for the night.â
âYeah, itâs my side job actually.â You smiled at each other, and when the eye contact lasted a second too long, you both quickly turned your head to the road. âSo, whatâs Saturday night about?â you asked, wanting to break the silence.
âOh, itâs probably just another boring event where the grown-ups go to socialize and flaunt their wealth or their childrenâs prowess.â
âWow, look at you being all critical. I thought you lived and breathed that kind of stuff.â
âI like it when it has a purpose. Like a fundraiser, or a company opening, or whatever. But this is just another excuse for people to show themselves off. You donât have to come, you know. I can probably find a way out for you.â
Once again, without thinking, you immediately answered, âIâll come.â
Jay glanced at you quickly, an eyebrow raised. âWh- Really?â
You shrugged, trying to stay casual. âI mean, I donât have anything on Saturdays. Might as well keep you company. Turns out youâre not always insufferable.â Youâd lowered your voice for that last sentence, only half-heartedly admitting it. But of course, Jay wasnât going to let you go with it.
âHuh? What was that? I donât think I heard you,â he teased, leaning slightly towards you.
You gently nudged his shoulder, saying, âShut up, you heard me. Just because I tolerate you slightly more doesnât mean youâve stopped being my number one rival.â
Youâd never seen Jay smile that much. You sometimes caught glimpses of it when he was with his friends, but with you, he usually had an arrogant smirk, so seeing his genuine grin made your heart swell with joy you couldnât explain.Â
âOf course not. I wouldnât assume anything else.â
He dropped you off at your house and made sure you were inside before driving away. When you told your mom about your night, she watched you with a smile, that knowing glint in her eyes still there. When she tried hinting at you having feelings for the boy, youâd gotten off your chair and shouted good night! before heading to bed.Â
â
Saturday quickly rolled around the corner, and you were in your room with Sieun, trying on the two dresses Jay had given you to pick from. âTheyâre both good, I just wanted to see if youâd choose the best one,â heâd said. This time, heâd also included a new pair of shoes and a set of matching jewelry. Your friends kept teasing you about him being your sugar daddy (âyou canât deny it anymore, Y/Nâ), and you had to admit you were starting to feel a bit like that, even though you werenât really giving him any sugar. He was just spoiling you like it was his day job.
He was right; both dresses were gorgeous. They were both black, but one of them was body-fitting with an open back, while the other cinched in at the waist and had puffy sleeves. You couldnât deny that you looked good in the first one; Sieun had let out the loudest gap when sheâd seen you in it. But you both agreed that it was on the riskier side, and it was probably more appropriate to wear the second dress.
You were laying on your bed, talking about this and that. Itâd been a while since it was just the two of you, and it was nice catching up with her.
âSoâŚâ sheâd started, an impish tone to her voice. You knew immediately what she wanted to talk about and let out a loud groan, but that didnât deter her. âWanna tell me about Jay?â
It was obvious what she was trying to get at, but you werenât going to give her what she wanted. âWell, heâs rich and has a huge house. Not surprising. He drives well. Heâs not half as annoying when heâs in front of his parents. Probably not trying to be as much of a smartass. He seems to think heâs all that. He-â
âOkay, okay, I get it!â she said, laughing. âWhat I mean is, has anything changed between you two? Have you finally come to your senses about the boy?â
You thought about it for a second. Something had definitely shifted in your perception of Jay. You felt it in the pit of your stomach every time he smiled at you. But it was scary: this wasnât you and Jay. You and Jay argued, and riled each other up, and got on each otherâs nerves. You didnât crack jokes so youâd hear the other laugh, or agree without thinking when they asked you for a favor. It was confusing, so instead of voicing out those concerns, you lied. âNo. Not really.â
But your friend wasnât buying it. âCâmon. The guy buys you dresses, gets your mom flowers, drives you to his parentsâ for dinner. I know itâs not for realsies, and youâve got integrity or whatever, but you canât completely be indifferent to it, Y/N. Even youâve got to admit Jayâs hot.â
You laughed at your friendâs reasoning. âFine. Maybe heâs not just someone to beat anymore. I guess thatâs what fake dating will do to you. But that doesnât mean I have to say heâs hot.â
She turned to fully face you. âNot even when heâs all dressed up? Or when he hands you a bag that has contents worth thousands?â
Her eyes were telling you that you had to agree with her. You tried to suppress a smile, still not wanting to admit anything. Just because you and Jay had been rivals since youâd met didnât mean you went blind every time you saw him. Of course, you knew how attractive he was. But you had conditioned yourself to never see him that way, so letting on that you didnât think he was completely repulsive felt like betraying yourself.Â
Sieun laughed at your reaction. âCâmon! Say it!â
You pursed your lips together, suppressing a smile, and shook your head. The tilt to Sieunâs head and the devilish glint in her eyes told you your friend was up to no good - and indeed, a second later, she was on you, tickling your sides and asking you to âsay it! Say it!â
âFine, fine!â you said between breathless giggles. She finally relented. âI think Jayâs hot.â
âDo you, now?â
The sudden male voice made you and Sieun shriek. You sat up in your bed and found its owner - sure enough, Jay was standing in your doorway, leaning against the wall and clearly liking what heâd just heard. Your mother soon appeared behind him, explaining that heâd knocked and she let him in, telling him to go up to your room. She mouthed sorry and quickly scurried down the hall.
âIâm not sure why it took you so long, but Iâm glad youâve finally opened your eyes, Y/N.â
Sieunâs eyes were going back and forth between the two of you, until she stood up and said, âWell, I guess thatâs my cue to go. Have fun you two, and tell me all about it on Monday, Y/N!â
Before you could protest, she had already left your room, sending Jay a wink as she passed by him. It was silent for a few seconds as you sat there in embarrassment, cursing the Gods for your awful timing. He walked in and sat down at the edge of your bed, comfortable and keeping his distance at once. The sentence thereâs something perfect about him flashed in your mind but you were quick to brush it away. âSo, which dress did you choose?â
âThe one with the puffy sleeves,â you replied, unable to look him in the eye.
He tutted, shaking his head disapprovingly. âWrong choice.â You rolled your eyes. âShow me?â
This made you look at him. His smile was taunting, but his eyes were soft. With the way he looked right now, you thought he could ask you anything and youâd say yes. You hadnât imagined that him sitting on your bed would make you stammer like a schoolgirl in front of her teacher crush, but here you were, almost rendered speechless by the mere sight of him. The fact that he was manspreading and leaning back on his hands, the top buttons of his shirt undone and his trousers stretching against his thighs, wasnât particularly helping. More shyly than you intended, you told him to turn around and close his eyes, then quickly put the dress on. You were thankful for its lack of zipper - you donât know if you could have handled Jay zipping your dress up for you.
âOkay. You can turn around now.â
This was already the third time Jay was seeing you all dressed up, but his gaze managed to make the heat rise to your cheeks every time. The corners of his lips rose slightly. âWrong choice,â he repeated, âbut you still look really good, Y/N.â
You couldnât stop the smile spreading on your face as you coyly replied, tugging at the hem of your dress, âWhy thank you, Jay.â
âYou gonna be ready to go soon?â he asked, checking the time on his phone.
âYeah, just need to put on jewelry and shoes, and Iâm good. Sieun did my makeup for me earlier.â You put on the thin silver earrings and ring Jay had gotten for you and checked your reflection in the mirror. You put a hand to your collarbone, thinking the area looked a bit empty without a necklace.
âShould I wear the necklace from last time? It looks a bit weird without anything right now,â you asked Jay, keeping your gaze on the mirror.Â
âUm, Iâve got something, actually. I forgot to give it to you with the rest of the things.â He fished a small box out of his bag and got up to stand behind you. He took out the necklace and put it around your neck, asking you to hold your hair up. You complied, looking at his reflection in the mirror. His hands slightly brushed the back of your neck as he locked the necklace, and you had to keep yourself from visibly shivering at his touch. This was infinitely worse (or better) than him zipping up your dress.
He absent-mindedly let his hands slide along your shoulders until they came to a halt on the sides of your arms. His eyes met yours in the mirror, and with a smile, he said, âAll done.â
â
Nothing, not even the fundraiser of the previous week, couldâve prepared you for how lavish this party was. Whereas the fundraiser has been in an 18th century ballroom, in the old part of your city where most of the architecture was traditional, this event was taking place in the newer, richer part of the city where skyscrapers constituted most of the area. You were at the top of one of those skyscrapers, and from the huge windows that made up two of the four walls of the spacious room, you could see the whole city laid out right in front of you, as if it was yours to take. If having money meant seeing this everyday, you thought you could understand why rich people got addicted to it.Â
As Jay and his dad had warned, the atmosphere that evening was very different from that of the fundraiser. Instead of gathering for a cause, this just felt like an excuse to get drunk and eat tiny, tiny appetizers that probably cost a hundred dollars each, all while looking rich and fashionable. The room was quite dark, only the moon outside and the small LED lamps on every table bringing light in. Youâd never seen such an impressive collection of alcohol (to be fair, youâd only ever been to frat parties where most of the alcohol was cheap beer and dodgy brands of vodka), and you were really going to have to restrain yourself from trying out every cocktail the barman offered. Although most of the people there were in their forties to sixties, and the younger people were only there thanks to their parents, the dress code wasnât as formal as youâd have imagined it to be, and Jayâs assessment of your dress as the âwrong choiceâ now made more sense. The women wore dresses that showed quite some skin, or didnât leave much to the imagination, and the men had left their suit blazer behind and hadnât buttoned their shirt all the way up.
It was all a bit mind-boggling at first, but you soon got used to it, and Jayâs warm hand on your lower back reassured you. At first, the two of you walked around together, talking to different people, and hoping you were making your ârelationshipâ clear to them. You were glad Heeseung or anyone that wouldâve recognized you wasnât there: you could handle pretending to be Jayâs girlfriend in front of his parents and other random people, but in front of the whole school, that wouldâve been a whole other level of fake dating.
Watching people slowly slip into a drunk state as the hours passed was just about the only source of entertainment you got that night. The two cocktails youâd tried out were way too strong to your liking, so you didnât feel like drinking anymore, and Jay couldnât because he was driving you home later on. When most guests were beyond the point of being able to hold a coherent conversation, you and Jay took it as your cue to leave. You found his parents among the crowd to tell them goodbye, and you could tell they werenât completely sober by the way they kept telling you you were amazing and made you promise three times youâd attend more of these events. Guess you couldnât back out now.
And indeed, as weeks passed, it became a normal thing for you to accompany Jay every time he had an event to attend. Your wardrobe was going to burst from all the outfits he kept buying you, but you werenât going to complain. Jake and Sunghoon, as sons of CEOs of smaller but still important companies, were sometimes present. They usually ditched these types of events, and you couldnât blame them, but they still made the effort from time to time. You were already friends with Jake before; the two of you had lived in the same dorm building and kept finding each other in the study room late at night, then started to bond over insolvable questions and watered-down instant coffee. Sunghoon, on the other hand, you hadnât had many chances to talk to, and you couldnât lie, judging by his appearance alone, you had first thought he was even more self-centered than Jay. But after talking to him for just a minute, you found that that cold facade quickly broke down and he was easy to talk to and very funny - in his own way, but funny nonetheless.
Heeseung wasnât always at these events, but whenever he was, you couldnât miss him. He always garnered attention, especially from the female guests, but he always kept his eyes trained on you. In all your three years of liking him, heâd barely spoken a word to you, so why the sudden interest? Usually, youâd have craved his attention; but for some reason, at those parties, you felt indifferent towards it. You hated how he was always with a different girl and never approached you, yet wasnât trying to keep his glances towards you discreet at all. Jay noticed it too, and a couple times youâd even had to stop him from going up to Heeseung and asking him what the hell he wanted.Â
Since you didnât have money to bedazzle people with, you always tried to make a good impression with your conversation and intellect, but some nights you just werenât up to it and spent most of the time laughing with Jake and Sunghoon, as Jay was often too busy talking to someone else. Tonight was one of those nights; half an hour into the party, an important businessman approached Jay and started talking to him, completely ignoring you. He always ended up apologizing later on, but you didnât reproach him for it - you knew he had a reputation to uphold and that these events were important for him. Plus, it wasnât like he owed you anything - you werenât his girlfriend after all, even if the line between real and fake had started to blur more and more often as of late.Â
Feeling out of place, you looked around the room and found Jake and Sunghoon at the bar, six shots lined up in front of them. You had never gotten drunk at any of these events, not wanting to risk embarrassing Jay or his parents, but tonight seemed like it was gonna be the most boring one as of yet. So you gestured to Jay that you were leaving and joined the two boys.
âRoom for one more?â you asked when you reached them. They turned around and smiled at you; this was clearly not their first drink of the night.Â
âOf course!â replied Jake excitedly, beaming at you. You could tell he already had a few drinks in his system. Without further ado, you each took a shot glass in your hand, clinked them and brought them to your lips, dipping your heads back. The burning of the alcohol as it glided down your throat was both repulsive and intoxicating, and you were soon reaching for the second one. The boys cheered you on and quickly mirrored you.Â
Although youâd promised Jay youâd always be on your best behavior, as the evening went on, you never refused a drink that the servers approached you with or the boys offered you. Without Jay to make snide remarks about the snouty guests with, the evening was a lot less fun, so you couldnât help but down every glass of alcohol that came near you; since Jake and Sunghoon were doing the exact same thing, none of you were realizing exactly how drunk you three were getting. At least, you werenât going around the room, mumbling drunkenly to everyone; you were staying at a table in the corner, mumbling drunkenly to each other.
Jay was observing you from afar, trying not to worry and stay focus on the conversation (no matter how mind-numbing) he was having; but when he saw you almost fall out of your chair and burst into laughter right away instead of regaining your senses, he thought it was time to come check on you. He couldnât help but feel guilty for having left you alone for most of the night, and he knew Jake and Sunghoon never stayed sober through these events, but in his defense, he didnât think any of you would go that far.
He took a seat in the chair next to you, leaning close to you so you could hear him over the music and chatter of the guests. He asked you how you felt, and you gave him a lopsided smile in response. âMe? I feel great. This place is awesome once youâve had-â you hiccuped, âa few drinks.â
Jay sighed but had an affectionate look on his face. âRight. I think itâs time to get you home.â He saw you open your mouth in what was probably going to be protest, so before you could say anything, he added, âAnd donât even argue with me. Iâm taking you home, let me just go let my parents know first. You two figure it out on your own,â he told Jake and Sunghoon, who had already started to doze off on their chairs.
He got up and headed towards his parents, and you watched him walk away with a pout on your face. Your vision was blurry from the alcohol and you could barely make out any faces, but you waved in what you hoped was the general direction of his parents.Â
âShe just keeps getting better, doesnât she? Even when sheâs drunk, she doesnât embarrass herself,â said Mr Park when Jay announced your departure. âIâm glad you have her, son.â Jay was glad for the dimness of the room, which meant his dad wouldnât notice how hard he was blushing. Even if it was all an act, thanks to his parents, he had gotten closer to you than he thought he ever would.
He bid goodbye to his parents and a few other guests, including Jakeâs and Sunghoonâs parents, making them aware of their kidsâ state, then went back to get you. The trek to the car wasnât the easiest as tiredness had started to hit you and your body grew heavier against your will. You fell asleep as soon as your head hit the back of the passenger seat and Jay couldnât help but think you were the cutest thing in the world. He then realized how far gone he must be to think you still looked precious in your current state.
The car ride was silent, your quiet snores and the soft chatter of the radio the only sounds filling up the space. Jay thought you were dead asleep as you didnât wake up when he fished your keys out of your bag and carried you bridal style out of the car and to the door, but really, you just didnât wanna have to walk. When he got to the door, though, you thought it wouldâve been unfair to make him struggle that much, so you opened your eyes and quietly told him to let you on the ground. He walked you to your room, tucked you in bed and even got a wet wipe to take your makeup off for you.Â
As he gently swiped it over your eyes, trying not to hurt you, your drunken state got the best of you and you asked, voice barely over a whisper, âWhy are you doing all this?â
He didnât say anything for a minute, and you thought he might not have heard you, until he replied, âBecause I want to.â You were too tired to press the matter any further, although you desperately wanted to. Youâd have to wait until you were sober - if youâd have the courage to bring the subject up then.
When he was done and got up from your bed, the sudden absence of his presence around you made you panic, so you called out, âJay?â
âYeah?â he said, and you hoped you werenât imagining how expectant heâd sounded.
âWill you stay?â
Your eyes were too heavy to even open, so you couldnât see his reaction. After a second that felt like an eternity, he answered, âOf course.â
You heard him steal a pillow and lay down on the carpeted floor next to your bed. Maybe it was the remnants of alcohol in your system, or the fact that spending so much time together, especially as his girlfriend - fake girlfriend - had made you see him in a new light, or the fact that you felt like your whole world would collapse if you didnât have him next to you at that moment, or all three of those things. All you knew was that something beyond your control made you whisper âcome hereâ in the quiet of your room, and, when he got under the covers with you but kept his distance, made you wrap your arms around him and cling onto his shirt as if he would disappear.
You slept like a baby that night, but Jay barely got a wink of sleep, the sound of his own heart beating uncontrollably keeping him awake.
â
You woke up that Sunday morning with a ringing headache, an upset stomach and a thirst you knew you wouldnât be able to quench no matter how much water you drank. Your bed was empty, and the only thing that reminded you Jay sleeping overnight wasnât a fever dream was his scent lingering on your pillow. The pang in your heart at his absence was hard to ignore - you were definitely curious about what itâd be like to wake up in Jayâs arms.Â
The busy chatter coming from the kitchen forced you out of your bed, although you wouldâve rather stayed there all day. As soon as you opened your bedroom door, the smell of pancakes and sizzling bacon attacked your nose, and you hurried downstairs.
The sight of Jay cooking breakfast for you and your mother alone was enough to cure your hangover. You sneakily watched from the staircase as he expertly flipped pancakes and cooked eggs at the same time, all while holding a conversation with your mom. You walked into the kitchen and poured yourself a cup of coffee before taking a seat next to your mom, trying to but failing to suppress a smile. âI didnât know you were also a housewife, Jongseong,â you said, voice still groggy with sleep.
âI thought it was the least I could do after making you attend such an awful event,â he answered, and you had the suspicion he was only being nice because your mom was there, even though she knew you two werenât actually dating.Â
He kept that energy all throughout breakfast, making your mom laugh, and you watched him play his charm on her, glad you didnât need to participate in the conversation. Any mom would be lucky to have him as a step-son, you caught yourself thinking.
Your mother hugged him when he left, and turned to you with a smile as soon as sheâd closed the door. âY/N, thereâs no way in hell you donât wanna date that boy. Hell, if he wasnât half my age, I probably would.â
You took a cold water bottle from the fridge and said, âWeâre not talking about this,â then headed up the stairs to your room. You ignored her calling after you and laid down in bed. Last night had given you a lot to think about.
â
You never got as drunk as that night again, not wanting to repeat that situation. Your relationship with Jay had already changed so much in so little time, but now, there was a lingering tension that always kept you on edge, and it wasnât due to the constant arguing. It was due to the way you couldnât get his scent on your sheets out of your head and the way he couldnât forget how you had held onto him that night. You two had always said whatever was on your mind to each other, especially if it was something that would annoy the other, but now unspoken words constantly lingered between the two of you.
Your friends saw right through you; even though you tried to play it cool, it was painfully obvious that Jay was much more than just competition to you now. You hadnât told them about the time heâd slept over and made you breakfast, knowing youâd never hear the end of it; but they didnât need to know about that to see something had changed. It was clear in the way you talked about him, which had gone from irritated to excited, or how you never mentioned Heeseung anymore. One time, youâd even said âdating Jayâ instead of âfake-dating,â and Sunoo had immediately picked up on it.
âThat-thatâs what I meant!â youâd exclaimed defensively, but theyâd all looked at you with teasing smiles.
Jay hadnât been very discreet when heâd given you bags of designer clothes all over campus, like in the cafeteria, in a random hallway, or in a lecture hall, and given his immense popularity (you know, being handsome and rich and all that), a few rumors about you two dating were being spread around. But they hadnât really blown up, since the both of you always denied them whenever someone asked you if they were true, because you didnât need to keep the pretense at uni.Â
The pretense - because thatâs all it was, of course. Play pretend. Fake dating, keyword fake. But everything with Jay felt too real - the laughter in his car on the way to and fro the events, the smiles you exchanged from across the room, his hand brushing against yours when you sit next to each other during lectures. It wasnât enough to have his arm around your waist once or twice a week, and it drove you crazy that you had him in bed right next to you but that youâd let him go. You needed to have him close, and for it to be real.
It was a sunny March afternoon when you realized this. Your week was surprisingly unbusy - along with the preparation for your lectures and tutorials, you only had two small online quizzes to complete, and all your bigger deadlines were so far away that even you didnât see the point in starting on them already. So, armed with your favorite book and plenty of snacks, youâd decided to head to the park next to campus and spend a relaxing afternoon in the sun. It went as planned for about an hour, when an all too familiar voice called out your name - a voice that used to make you sigh in annoyance and roll your eyes automatically, but that now made your heart skip a beat in nervousness, you realized with some alarm.
âHey! What are you doing here?â He sat down next to you on your picnic blanket, beaming at you like you were his good old friend heâd just run into. He had a professional-looking camera with him, something youâd never seen him carry around. You were so taken aback by his excitement at seeing you that no words formed in your mind, and you just raised your book and waved it stupidly.
Jay chuckled when he saw what you were reading. âTwilight, of course. And thatâs the last one, isnât it?â He shook his head in mock-disappointment at you. âI canât believe you would put yourself through the torture of reading four of those books, Y/N.â
You just mumbled something about them being fun to read, turning your gaze back to the cover of the book you were holding. What the hell was wrong with you?! Usually, youâd be quick to shoot an answer back at Jay, either defending yourself or attacking him on one of his own weird preferences (youâll never forget the day they had corn at the cafeteria and Jay had scarfed down at least five cobs in one sitting). But right now, Jayâs presence next to you turned your insides to liquid and rendered you unable to think properly. You hated it.
But then you noticed something on the book cover - âJay, how do you know this is the last one?â From the corner of your eye, you saw Jayâs head snap up while you turned the book in your hands. âThereâs no number on it.â
âO-oh,â he started, and judging from the growing blush on his face, you knew youâd caught him. This brought some of your usual confidence back to you. âIsnât it common knowledge that Breaking Dawn is the last book in the series?â
You giggled at that. âAbsolutely not.â His guilty expression only made you want to press further, and you added, âThatâs something youâd only know if youâd watched all the movies and made the effort to remember the separate titles.â
He looked away, letting out a small hum as he found sudden interest in his camera. You were still smiling at him in disbelief. âJongseong, have you seen all five Twilight movies?â
He furrowed his eyebrows and kept avoiding your gaze. âPffft. No.â
âJongseong.â
At the sound of his name, he abruptly turned his head in your direction, and his glare only made you smile even more. âYouâve actually seen all five movies, I canât believe this,â you said, almost laughing. Jayâs eyes softened slightly, just enough for you to notice. He turned his attention back to his camera, but he was smiling down at it as he spoke this time.
âItâs just that youâve mentioned them so often, I thought I should check at least the first one out. Turns out theyâre pretty addictive,â he admitted sheepishly.
âSo you watched them for me?â you asked, and your voice was more admirative than youâd had intended it to be - you wanted to tease him, not let him know that what heâd just said actually touched you.
âI watched them for⌠research purposes,â he conceded. Your eyes met. Your cheeks were starting to hurt from all the intense smiling this conversation was bringing you, but you couldnât help it. This time, you were the one to look away.
âResearch purposes, of course.â A short silence ensued, the sort of silence you shouldâve been used to with Jay by now but that always made you feel giddy - the sort thatâs awkward in a lighthearted way, the sort where youâre repeating all the words that have just been said in your head and committing them to memory. The sort where you hope the other is feeling all the things youâre feeling.
You broke it first. âWhat about you, what are you doing here?â
Jay raised his head, looking like heâd just remembered he had come here for another purpose than just talking to you. âRight. I have a project for this elective Iâm taking, so I need to film some stuff and I thought itâd be nice to do it here,â he explained, shrugging.
âSounds cool,â you said, and you hoped he knew you actually meant it. He looked at you again, and he seemed surprised. âTell me more,â you added, and from the way his features lit up, you could tell you had said the right thing. You positioned yourself more comfortably on the blanket as you listened to him.
âOh, well, our professorâs a bit of a romantic so the project is all about finding beauty in the small things, the happiness around us, loveâŚâÂ
Your gazes locked the moment he said that word, but it only lasted a second. Jay was quick to clear his throat and go back to his explanation, but it took you a few more seconds until you could focus on his words again. When you snapped out of it, he was showing you some films heâd already taken. They were all very short, just three or four seconds long, but a peacefulness emitted from each of them. An encouraging message scribbled into a lecture hall table, a cat laying on a windowsill, enjoying the sun, an old couple walking slowly hand-in-hand, teenage girls celebrating a birthday at an ice cream parlor, the metro passing quickly through the frame as the sunset paints the sky orange in the background. All beautiful moments that make up life, but that you never take the time to fully appreciate.
âThis⌠this is beautiful, Jay,â you breathe, mesmerized by what heâd manage to capture.
âYeah? Not too cheesy?â he asked, a small smile on his lips.
âNot at all. I think your professor will love this, you completely grasped the subject.â
He let out a shaky breath of relief, his smile getting wider. âNice,â he said under his breath. Then he suddenly turned his head to look at you, an intensity in his gaze you hadnât expected. âWould you mind if I took a video of you? Add you to the film?â
âW-what, like here? Right now?â
âYeah,â Jay said, and when he smiled at you like that, who were you to say no?
âOkay, sure.â You tried to shrug, play it cool, but something about Jay looking at you through his lens and adding a video of you to all those beautiful ones heâd just shown you made your heartbeat speed dangerously.
âGreat,â he beamed. âJust read your book. Pretend Iâm not here,â he instructed. As if you could be anything less than hyper-aware of his presence, you thought.
Thankfully, the video was shot in just a few minutes as Jay searched for the best angle to take it from. Before you knew it, he was already back next to you, mirroring your position on the blanket as he laid on his stomach. You tried to ignore how his shoulder brushed against yours as he leaned on his forearms, showing you the video. You had to admit, it looked really nice - from this angle, the sun shone down on you perfectly, and you could see the wind blowing through the tree leaves in the background. It fit perfectly with the other videos.
âBeautiful,â Jay whispered, looking at the film with nothing but fondness in his eyes.
You didnât linger on his words too long, just took the chance to tease him: âAre you complimenting me or your videography skills?â
The look in his eyes didnât change as he turned his head and gazed down at you. âYou, of course.â
A smirk tugged the corners of his lips up as he took in your flustered expression, your incoherent mumbles. âWhatever,â you mumbled when you regained the ability to speak.Â
Another comfortable silence settled between the two of you as Jay busied himself with his camera while you read the same paragraph over and over, unable to concentrate on the words. You desperately wanted to say something, but had no idea what, so you were grateful when Jay broke the silence.
âJust need to edit this all together on my laptop, and then Iâm all done. Thanks for your help, Y/N.â
âI didnât do anything, though,â you said with a small smile. His compliment from earlier was still ringing in your ears.
âBut you did. I think that shot of you will end the film perfectly.âÂ
Sure, Jay had gotten nicer and nicer to you as time passed - but today, he was really laying it on thick. He was making it hard to breathe properly. All you could do to save yourself was change the subject.
âSo, this is for the Visual Studies part of your degree, right?â
For the second time today, Jayâs expression went from surprise to delight - you remembered, he thought. âIt is, yeah,â he replied, with a wide grin he couldnât control. He seemed to hesitate for a bit, as if deliberating whether he should say whatever it was he wanted to say or not. You were happy to see he opted for telling you. âIf it was up to me, itâs the only thing Iâd have done.â
You studied him for a bit. With just this simple sentence, you realized Jayâs life wasnât as simple as youâd always imagined it to be. âBut itâs not up to you, Iâm guessing.â
He smiled sadly, and you had to resist the urge to take him in your arms. All these things you had been feeling for him, they werenât supposed to be there, and you were getting really tired of fighting them back.
âIt isnât, no.â He turned over to lay on his back, and you imitated him, so that you were now both staring up at the sky. He sighed before speaking again. âMy father isnât a particularly conservative man, but he does like tradition. He wants to keep the company in the family, and as his only child, Iâm the one the responsibility falls upon. Heâs never even asked me if this was what I wanted to do, just assumed Iâd be happy with it.â
In your three years of knowing Jay, youâd thought how unfair it was that he wouldnât have to go through the hoops of job applications and job interviews. He already had a top position waiting for him as soon as he got out of college. But now you realized that he was completely trapped in the position - all of the decisions youâd taken academics- and career-wise had been your own, while Jayâs had been chosen for him in advance.
âI picked up photography as a hobby to get away from it all and ended up really falling in love with it. I have control over my camera even if I have zero control over anything else in my life,â he explained with a defeated chuckle.
You let your head fall to the side and looked at him. âI had no idea about any of this.â
Jay met your eyes and smiled. The sun was right behind you, so he had to shield his eyes from it to look at you. âOf course not. I never mentioned it.â
âI feel like I shouldâve known, for some reason.â
His smile got wider. You looked away. âWhy?â
âJust âcause. Maybe I wouldâve gone easier on you if I knew you were also struggling.â
âI wouldnât have let you.â He bumped your shoulder with his, making you let out a chuckle.
A beat passed before you spoke again. âGuess we both have a lot of pressure on our shoulders, huh? Even if theyâre different kinds.â
âGuess we do.â
âThen weâre more similar than Iâd thought,â you said, and looked at him again.
âGuess we are.â
A smile bloomed on your lips, and Jayâs eyes drifted down to it. That simple action made you panic, and you suddenly sat up. He didnât have time to ask if everythingâs alright, you were already throwing your stuff back in your bag and mumbling something about the time and having to go. You stood, and turned to Jay before scurrying off. âIâll see you around.â
Jay chuckled, slightly confused, but let you go. It wasnât until he left himself that heâd realized youâd left without your picnic blanket.
âÂ
After that afternoon, you tried to pretend nothing happened, and that you hadnât run away just because of Jay glancing down at your lips. You were already getting worked up over things you shouldnât even be thinking about when it came to him - you didnât need to have Jay kissing you on your mind.
Thankfully, Jay didnât bother you about it, and you got back into your routine of arguing by class and pretending to be a couple by night. Everything was fine.
That is, until Mr Park happened.
You had waited all week, hell, all month for this: Jayâs dad was about to give a special talk for the School of Business on how to get a company started and efficiently run it, but most importantly, he would announce how to apply for a summer internship at his firm. Youâd made sure to get there early so you could get a good seat. He noticed you when you walked in the amphitheater, and motioned to you to come see him.
âY/N! Lovely to see you, thanks for coming,â he greeted, beaming down at you. It always surprised you just how similar his smile was to his sonâs.
âOf course, Mr Park! I wouldnât miss it for the world.â
âCome and see me after the talk, yeah? Thereâs something I want to tell you.â
God, what was it with Park father and son to announce things like that? Why not just say it straight away? You kept those thoughts to yourself and nodded, then sat down at a seat in the front.
You listened intently the whole time and took down rigorous notes. When it was over, you had to wait another twenty minutes as people asked him questions, until he finally announced that was all he had time for today. You headed down towards the stage, and complimented him on his talk. Most people in the room had started trickling out, but there were still a few students waiting at the doors, hoping to catch him before he left.
âOh, thank you, thank you,â he said with a chuckle, before taking a deep breath. âI realize now what I said earlier might have made you nervous, but donât worry, youâre not in trouble.âÂ
You released a breath you didnât know you were holding. Good. âI just wanted to thank you for being such a good girlfriend to Jay. Iâve always been proud of him, but I know he has a lot on his shoulders, so itâs nice to see that he has someone like you to rely on.â
You smiled at Mr Park, saying it was nothing, but you felt guilty. He truly believed in you and Jay, when the two of you were only pretending. Even though it didnât always feel that way anymore.Â
âOh, and for the internship, Iâm sure youâll understand that it wouldnât look too good if I gave it to you. But donât worry, Iâll put in a good word for you wherever you decide to apply.â
A second passed. Then another, and another, until your lack of answer was becoming weird, and you had to say something. âOh. Right. Of course, I understand,â you replied, hoping the disappointment in your voice wasnât too obvious. You exchanged a few more words until you said you needed to get back to studying.
As you turned around to exit the room, you noticed everybody who had been waiting for Mr Park was staring right at you, wide-eyed. You tried to ignore them and get to the doors, but a girl stopped you. âSo the rumors are true, you really are dating Jay?â
Youâd never seen her in your life and were a bit shocked that a stranger could demand information about your love life, but you nonetheless shook your head and started to say, âWhat? No.â
âWhy are you lying? We just heard everything,â said another voice.
âYeah, it doesnât matter anyway, just donât lie.â
You turned your gaze away from the students to look behind you at Mr Park. Or more precisely, at the lecturer mic wrapped around his waist. From where you were, you could make out a tiny red light on the mic, signaling it was still on.
Crap.
â
As soon as you were outside, you called Jay. He picked up after a few rings, groaning, âWhat? Iâm at the library.â Ah, there was the Jay you knew.
âIâll be here in two, come outside.â
âBut-â
âRight now,â you said sharply and hung up.Â
Jay had wanted to scold you for disturbing him like that, but as soon as he saw you, eyebrows furrowed and biting your lip nervously, worry overcame him. âHey. You okay?â he asked gently, placing his hands on your forearms.
âYeah. Iâm fine, but, um, everybody knows. Âť
He looked at you questioningly, and when you wouldnât explain further, he asked, âKnows what?â
âYou. Me. That weâre dating. Well, they think weâre dating.â
âWhat? How do they know?â
âYour dad. We talked after his presentation, and he thanked me for being a good girlfriend, except his mic was on. So everybody heard. And you know how gossip travels here, so everybodyâll know by tonight,â you said, sighing in exasperation.
Jay thought for a while. âWell, who cares if they know? We donât have to change the way we act with each other. Thatâd be more suspicious, if anything. Weâll just have to not deny it when people ask if weâre dating.âÂ
Your frustration got the best of you and you scoffed, giving Jay a harsher look than you wanted to. His hands left your forearms. âHow far is this gonna go, Jay?! How much longer do we have to-â You realized how loud your voice was, and switched to whisper-shouting instead of just shouting. âTo pretend? I can let you parade me around those CEOs and whatnot, but I donât wanna have to keep the charade up on campus, too.â
Jayâs law locked. He looked like youâd just punched him. But he didnât say anything, so you dropped it. âAnyway, thatâs not even the bad part. Your dad told me I wouldnât get the internship. And itâs fine, I guess I can get one somewhere else. But I wasnât expecting it, and I was really looking forward to working at your dadâs firm.â
Again, he was silent for a small while, until he muttered, âRight.â
You looked up at him, and he was avoiding your gaze. Why wasnât he surprised, or angry? Why wasnât he reacting?
âDid⌠did you know?â you asked, unable to keep your voice from shaking.
Nothing.
âJay. Did you know?â you repeated, tone harsher, more impatient.
âUm. Yeah, I knew,â he mumbled. He still wouldnât look you in the eye.Â
You shut your eyes for a few seconds, trying to grasp the situation. âWh- you knew? And you didnât say anything?âÂ
âSorry,â he said, eyes trained on his shoes.
âSorry? Thatâs it?��� You shook your head in disbelief. You almost wanted to laugh. âHow long have you known?â
âSince the beginning, really. My dadâs not the type to do favors, and he wants to keep up that image. So if youâre my girlfriend, he wouldnât give you the internship.â
You couldnât say anything. Not getting the internship was one thing. You could get over it. But Jay knowing from the start and keeping it from you, that was what really hurt you. You could feel tears forming in your eyes, but you walked away before Jay could see just how much heâd upset you.
âY/N!â he called after you. He grabbed your wrist, making you stop in your tracks and turn around. The sight of you, teary eyes and staring at him with fury in your eyes, and knowing he was the reason behind it, made him indescribably angry at himself.
âWhatever it is you have to say, I donât wanna hear it, Jongseong.â He tightened his grip on your wrist before you could snatch it away from him.
âIâm so sorry, Y/N. I didnât know you wanted that internship. If I did-â
âIf you did? Then what? You wouldnât have asked me to be your pretend girlfriend? You wouldâve let me have a chance at the internship?â You shook your head. âOf course not. So save it.â
You managed to get out of his grip and continued walking away, ignoring him as he called out your name again. When you were a few meters away, you turned around and said, venom only in your voice, âI hope you realize how selfish you are, Jay.â
Thatâs when his heart broke.
â
Jay had been right when he said people wouldnât care about the two of you âdating.â However, the people who did care, your friends, were more confused than anything: you had gone from bickering non stop, to denying couple rumors, to not talking to each other. Itâd been a week since your argument with Jay, and you still didnât want to hear him out. You didnât want to have anything to do with him: you straight-up ignored him every time he tried to get you to talk to him, had blocked his number and shut down your friends and mom whenever they mentioned him.
You missed him; you missed his stupid arguments, and his stupid jokes, and his stupid face, and how it had started to feel like he genuinely cared for you. Or at least, thatâs what heâd made you think. And heâd made you think it so well, that you thought you might have been starting to genuinely care for him as well. Which only made his betrayal a hundred times worse.
Youâd decided to drown your sorrows in textbooks, and spent most of your time at the library. On Thursday, you were searching for the weekâs essential reading in the Econ section, and as you took out the book in question, you saw a pair of eyes staring right at you. You tried not to shriek but you felt like your soul had left your body. Youâd barely had time to gather your spirits when the culprit had come round to your side of the bookshelf, and of course, it was none other than Lee Heeseung. God, you thought, could that boy get any weirder?
âTrouble in paradise, or so Iâve heard?â he asked in lieu of a normal greeting. Whatever happened to hello?
âThatâs none of your business, Heeseung,â you replied curtly, opening the book.
He tried not to be taken too aback by your attitude. He was used to stammering and blushing Y/N, not you-better-not-give-me-any-shit Y/N. He wouldnât say he disliked the change.
âIâm not sure why you thought dating a guy like Jay was a good idea in the first place, anyway. You could do a lot better, you know,â he said, and you couldnât help but chuckle at the irony of it all. When you didnât answer, he went on. âYou know, weâve missed you at the frat parties. I know youâve been going to all those boring company events, but donât you think itâd be more fun to let loose with us? Tomorrow night?â
This made you look up at him. He had that gaze again, the one youâd seen all those times, and you remembered why youâd liked him for so long. Something about his eyes, about the way he was waiting for you to say yes, made you reply, âIâll think about it.â You returned his smile and headed back to your seat. You did think going to his party would be fun, and you definitely needed some of that right now.
Plus, you had the perfect dress for the occasion.
â
So here you were, standing in front of the frat houseâs door, Sieun, Sunoo and Keeho at your sides, in the tight black dress Jay had given you but you hadnât chosen for that one event. They were all used to this kind of party, but youâd only been a few times, and although theyâd all hyped you up for it, you suddenly felt yourself deflate.Â
âGuys, what if I just embarrass myself like last time? I donât think I could live with that-â
âNope! Weâre not having this conversation again!â Sieun exclaimed, already pushing you inside. âYou look hot as fuck, and tonight youâre gonna have so much fun and forget all about Jay.â
Keeho and Sunoo gave her a stern look. âSorry,â she quickly apologized, but you barely heard her over the bass of the booming music. It was 11 p.m. and the party was well into motion. People were drunkenly dancing on the designated dance floor, and you tried to not conjure up memories of that last party. There were people everywhere you looked: on the staircase, in the backyard, in the kitchen.Â
Your friends and you headed first to the mini-bar and shot down some vodka for liquid courage. As you started chatting, trying to see who was there, Heeseung approached you.
âY/N! You came! And you look really good,â he said, taking in your figure. He pulled you into a hug which you returned warmly. The vodka was already having its effects on you, apparently.
âCan I get you guys a drink?â he asked you and Sieun. Keeho and Sunoo had already disappeared to the dance floor.Â
âSure,â you said, smiling up at Heeseung.
Sieun looked between the two of you, and said, âActually, Iâll join the others. Come dance with us soon, Y/N!â And like that, she was gone, giving you no time to protest. She thought she was being slick, that one.
You and Heeseung chuckled. He got you a red cup and you watched him as he expertly poured different juices and liquors in it. âSo, what made you decide to come?â he asked, handing you your drink. You took a sip of it and nodded approvingly.
âI just needed a good party. To let loose, like you said. Plus, who am I to deny an invitation from the great Lee Heeseung?â
Neither of you was sure where all the confidence was coming from. As soon as youâd said that, you looked down at your cup and smiled shyly. Heeseung looked at you curiously, but he couldnât help but grin as well. You chatted a bit more, drinking one, two, three cups of the heavenly concoction Heeseung made for you.Â
âWanna dance?â he suddenly offered, extending his hand. Right at that moment, you saw Jay enter the house with Jake and Sunghoon. You saw him look around the room until his eyes zeroed in on you and the boy in front of you. Perfect, you thought. You smiled at Heeseung and took his hand, letting him lead you to the dance floor.
Somebody had dimmed down the lights and Lost in the Fire by The Weeknd was playing loudly, creating a sensual atmosphere in the whole room. Your body started swaying to the music, and you were thankful for the alcohol in your system, ridding your mind of any negative or self-conscious thought; you were just enjoying yourself, exactly like youâd wanted to do tonight.
You were getting lost in the music, when a pair of hands on the sides of your waist brought you back to reality. Heeseung got so close to you, you could feel his lips on your ear as they moved to whisper, âHaving fun, princess?âÂ
You nodded fervently, leaning your head back on his shoulder, closing whatever gap there was between your two bodies. His hands traveled from your waist to your hips and you could feel his broad chest against your back as you two moved to the rhythm of the music. From where you were, you had a view of the living room. Jay was sitting there, a girl sitting so close she might as well have been on his lap, but he was staring right at you. You knew never hooked up with random girls at parties, so he had to be doing this to get a reaction out of you. You hated that it worked, that it only made the fire in you burn harder - so as a response, you started grinding your ass against Heeseung.
When the girl actually sat on Jayâs lap, you couldnât look anymore, so you turned around and put your arms around Heeseungâs neck and faced him. His eyes had glossed over and he was looking at you with a hunger youâd never seen before. Well, that wasnât true - youâd seen him look at other girls that way, and you always knew what happened after that, but you chased the thought out of your mind, forgetting all about that promise youâd made to yourself of never becoming another one of his drunk fucks. Now that his attention was on you and you only, you felt yourself wanting more. His hands traveled further down your body as he grabbed at your ass, bringing your hips closer to his. He bent down to press wet kisses up your neck until he reached your ear.Â
âWanna take this upstairs?â he asked. It sent shivers down your spine, but you couldnât tell whether they were good shivers or not. You willed away your hesitation, smiling at him as he took your hand once again, this time leading you to what you assumed was his bedroom. As you walked up the stairs, you scanned the room and sure enough, found Jay sitting on a couch, staring right at you. You thought the beer can in his hand might explode, he was holding it so tight. Feeling you slow down, Heeseung tugged at your hand, and you detached your gaze from Jayâs, trying to drown out the feeling of guilt that was creeping up inside you.
As soon as heâd closed the door behind you, Heeseung wasted no time in pressing you up against the wall and kissing you hungrily. You hadnât been kissed many times before, and surely not with such energy, but you were sure it was supposed to feel better. Heeseung was in no measure a bad kisser, he seemed to have the technique down to a T and kept a perfect rhythm. But you felt no fireworks, no butterflies, no light-headedness youâd always hoped would come with a good kiss. There was just no passion to it.
After a few minutes of making out, when you were starting to hope heâd get on with it, he said, breath irregular, âWhat would Jay say if he saw this, huh? Probably hates the idea of me kissing his precious girlfriend, donât you think?â
The mention of Jay hit you like a ton of bricks. âWh-what?â you stammered, not letting Heeseung kiss you when he leaned in again.
âJay? Your boyfriend?â he repeated, looking at you bemusedly.
You chuckled once. Then twice. Then you just started laughing. âOh, Jay? Weâre not actually dating,â you revealed, your filter completely gone because of all the alcohol.
âWhat?â Heeseung took a sudden step back from you. His confused gaze had turned cold.
âWeâre not dating, I said. Itâs all fake, it was to make his parents happy,â you explained, yourself confused by Heeseungâs sudden attitude change.Â
It was his turn to laugh. âWow. Thatâs impressive. You managed to fool me.â His smile dropped. âNow get the fuck out.â
âExcuse me?â you said, crossing your arms over your chest. Who the hell did this guy think he was?
âYou heard me. Get the fuck out. Thereâs no point in fucking you if youâre not Jayâs girlfriend. Youâre just a random loser.â
You stared at him for a few seconds, until you started laughing. It only seemed to make him angry. âWhat the fuck are you laughing about? I told you to get out.â
You sighed amusedly as if Heeseung was just joking around. âI just think itâs funny that you wonât fuck me because Iâm not actually Jayâs girlfriend, when thatâs not stopped you from getting with a different girl every single weekend. Whore,â you said, adding that last part in a whisper. You didnât actually care that Heeseung slept around, not anymore, at least, but you wanted to get a reaction from him after the way heâd treated you.
But perhaps you went too far, because Heeseungâs eyes turned even angrier, and he pushed one of your shoulders harshly, making you almost hit the wall. âIâll tell you one last time. Get out, you pathetic little bitch.âÂ
Just at that moment, the door burst open, revealing a very angry Jay.Â
âWhat the fuck did you just call her?â he growled, heading straight for Heeseung and grabbing him by the collar. The other boy didnât seem fazed, a smile back on his face, as if this whole situation was funny.
âAw, Jongseong is mad Iâm not being nice to his little fake girlfriend?â You guessed Jay mustâve looked confused, because Heeseung continued, âYeah, she told me. To be fair, I shouldâve known even you wouldnât date a fucking beggar like her.â
You werenât quick enough to stop Jay from bringing his fist up to Heeseungâs nose. You swore you heard something crack. But as soon as you saw him get ready for another punch, you ran to him and held his arm, shouting, âHeâs not worth it, Jay!â and God, you almost wanted him to punch you because of how clichĂŠ that had sounded, but you truly thought Heeseung wasnât worth losing any energy over.
Your voice seemed to make Jay snap out of his fury, and he looked at you, worry written all over his face. However, that only lasted a second, as his expression then shifted to something youâd never seen on his face before, and he grabbed your wrist, leading you out of the room. The commotion had gathered some attention, and you left the house under a bunch of peopleâs curious looks and chatter.
What was it with men grabbing you and leading you wherever tonight? You were tired of it, so as soon as youâd reached the front yard, you got your wrist out of his grasp, and demanded to know where he thought he was taking you. He grabbed your wrist again, and said, âTo my place. We need to talk.âÂ
The tone in his voice told you it was better not to test him, so you got in his car. Jay was always a safe driver, but this time, he sped through the whole city, even burning some red lights, reaching his apartment on the other side of town in a matter of minutes. You quickly texted your friends your whereabouts so they wouldnât have to worry. The whole car ride had been silent but you could feel him fuming next to you, and you had no idea what to expect when you entered his apartment.
His place was exactly like youâd imagined it: modern, spacious, and way more organized that any other university studentâs flat would be, but also had a lot of personal touches. It was very Jay, and if it hadnât been for the tension between the two of you, youâd have immediately felt at ease there.
Jay walked through the dark apartment to the kitchen, where he turned on a single light. You followed him, unsure what else to do. He leaned against his hands on the island counter, head hung low, and you went to stand on the other side of the counter, waiting for his next move. When his head snapped up and he peered straight at you, you could barely decipher the look in his eyes, but thought it contained a mixture of jealousy, anger, and⌠hunger. Heâd never looked at you that way before, and his gaze itself created a ball in the pit of your stomach. You told yourself it really wasnât the moment, but you couldnât help but feel desperately attracted to him.
âWhat the fuck were you doing with Heeseung?â he asked, finally breaking the silence.
You scoffed. âWhat the fuck were you doing with that random girl?âÂ
âI wanted to make you jealous.â He hadnât hesitated a second before answering, and his confidence destabilized you. Youâd guessed that had been his plan, but hearing him say it made you feel weirdly shy. âNow answer me. What the fuck were you doing with Heeseung?âÂ
You couldnât hold eye contact anymore, so you looked down at the counter, and replied, âI um, I was drunk, and I⌠I wanted to make you jealous too, I guess.â You looked back up at him, wanting to gauge his reaction. He was now wearing a smug look, like heâd won something over you. He slowly walked over to your side of the counter, and when he reached you, he put his hands on the counter on each side of you, making you lean back against it. You gulped at the way he towered over you
âAnd why did you want to make me jealous?â He was so close to you now that when he uttered those words, voice barely over a whisper, you felt his breath fan over your face. As much as you tried to keep eye contact, your gaze fell down to his lips, and you saw him smirk. He caught your chin between his index finger and thumb, nudging your head up. âEyes up here, doll.â
Your eyes met his again. He was looking at you so intently, you thought your knees might buckle under you. He cocked an eyebrow, patiently waiting for your reply. âBecause IâŚâÂ
It was so obvious, but you hadnât been able to bring yourself to say it, or even let yourself think it, before. But it needed to be put out there, once and for all. There was no point in fighting it anymore. âBecause I like you, Jongseong.â
To your surprise, his smirk turned into a cheeky grin. It made some of the tension dissipate, but not enough for you to breathe properly again. âI like you too, Y/N.â You sighed out of relief at his words and mirrored his smile.Â
âCan I kiss you?â he said, the thumb that had been holding your chin caressing your bottom lip.
âI thought youâd never ask,â you breathed, and he leaned in, your lips meeting delicately. It stayed that way for a few minutes, until the pent-up feelings that had been threatening to come out finally did, and hunger and passion took over the kiss. Jay was kissing you like a man starved, and all you could do was return everything he was giving you. This was nothing like youâd imagined it; it was infinitely better. Talk about fireworks, or butterflies, or light-headedness, you felt like you were on another plane of existence, like a kiss that felt this good and was this freeing wasnât humanly possible.Â
Your hands slipped under his shirt and the sudden contact of your cold hands against his warm skin made him shiver. You were glad to see you had as much effect on him as he had on you. Never breaking the kiss, he led you to his bedroom and sat down on his bed, gesturing for you to straddle his lap. Your dress rode up your calves a little bit, and he used this opportunity to pull it further up until it bundled up around your hips, leaving your lower half almost naked. You could feel how hard he was getting underneath your clothed core, and as the kiss grew needier, you started grinding against him, getting the both of you off. When you heard him groan against your lips, something snapped in you, and you wanted to hear that sound over and over, so you doubled down on your actions.Â
His hands, which had been resting on your ass, came up to the nape of your neck, and he grabbed you by the hair, exposing your neck to him. He started pressing down eager kisses along your jawline, throat, and collarbones. When he found a spot in the crook of your neck you particularly liked, he started attacking it like crazy, sucking at the skin and turning you into a moaning mess. One of his hands came to cup your breast and he was very glad to find you were not wearing a bra. Your nipple had hardened through the fabric, and he started playing with it. That, as well the feeling of him in your neck and against your core, was overwhelming, and you felt like you were about to pass out because of how good it all felt. You didnât know what to do with your hands so you alternated between running them over his arms and tugging at his hair.
As your lips met again, teeth almost clashing because of the intensity, you started unbuttoning his shirt. When it was off, you couldnât not stare at him. Youâd had an idea already, but you still couldnât believe how toned his arms, chest and abs were. You thought to yourself, God, heâs so hot, and hadnât realized youâd actually said it out loud until he jokingly said, âYeah?â, looking up at you with the biggest smile. His hands ran over your calves, your thighs and your ass, sending shivers along the way, and he said, âYouâre not too bad yourself, doll.â He kissed you with much more gentleness than before. âIn fact, youâre the prettiest girl Iâve ever laid eyes on.â
You kissed him so he wouldnât see the blush spreading on your face. He put his hand on your lower back, and guided you down on the bed until you were laying on your back, him hovering over you. He pulled your dress all the way up, helping you get rid of it. You were now left in only panties in front of him, and you wouldâve imagined that to be intimidating, but his gaze was truly making you feel like a goddess. Nonetheless, you didnât want to be the only one naked, so you tucked your fingers under his trousersâ waistband, gesturing for him to take them off. He chuckled but immediately obliged, getting rid of them in a matter of seconds. You had an even better view of his now fully-hard cock, and its size made you gulp. Your mind was quickly off of that, though, as he started trailing kisses all the way down to your breasts, taking one of your nipples in his mouth as his hand came up to the other. Your back arched at the sensation, and you only wanted more, more, more. Your fingers tugged at his hair and you breathed out his name between moans.Â
After a few minutes, he traveled further down your body, until he was face to face with your dripping core. He hooked his fingers under your panties, looking up at you and asking you if this was okay. You nodded impatiently and he chuckled at your reaction. How could you be so cute even in this moment? He took your panties off excruciatingly slowly. You wanted to take your time, but you also wanted him where you needed him the most.
You did feel a bit shy when he stared at your sex with the utmost wonder, musing to himself, âSo pretty.â He slid a finger between your folds, making you moan in relief and pleasure, and added, âSo wet, too.â
You had lifted your body onto your forearms so you could take a good look at him. He peered up at you and, with a small smile, asked gently, âTell me if it feels good, okay?â
âOkay,â you replied, nodding fervently.
Without wasting another second, he licked a stripe up your core, making you moan again, louder this time. He took that as confirmation to go on and continued exploring your pussy with his tongue. You practically screamed out in pleasure when he found your clit, and by the time he started sucking on it, your thighs were shaking like crazy. You didnât have any strength left in your body and your forearms gave out under you, so you just lied down on your back, fingers still tangled in and pulling his hair. You hadnât been able to actually tell him it felt good, but you were sure he understood that much.
One of his fingers, and then a second, entered you, filling you up. âShit, doll, youâre so tight. How are you gonna handle my cock?â
He curled his fingers inside you and they hit a certain spot that made you see stars, and you were coming all over his fingers and tongue in a matter of seconds, screaming out his name and a string of blasphemies. You had to physically lift his head from your core, telling him it was too much, otherwise he wouldâve kept going. He gave you a sheepish smile and you couldnât believe the boy grinning at you was the same one whoâd just said and done all those lewd things to you. He pressed a small kiss on your inner thigh, then lay down next to you on the bed, taking in your flushed cheeks and blown-over eyes. He couldnât believe he got to have you like this, in your most vulnerable state, all to himself.Â
When youâd calmed down from your high, you managed to say, âThat was amazing, Jay.â
He let out a soft chuckle and kissed your forehead, then trapped your lips with his own. You could taste yourself on his tongue, but you didnât mind. After a few minutes of lazily making out, you threw your leg over his to position yourself over his hips, and started pressing feather-like kisses down his neck. Heâd made you feel so good, and you intended to return the favor.
You felt him sigh at your touch, but before you could go too far down, he stopped you by bringing his hands to both sides of your face, making you look up at him.
âDid I do something wrong?â you immediately asked, worry laced in your voice.
âNo, no. God, no, youâre perfect.â he replied. âI just⌠I still feel so guilty for what I did, and I feel like I donât deserve you right now.â
âJayâŚâ
He hid his face in the crook of your neck and held your waist tightly. âIâm so sorry, Y/N. Youâre right, I was being selfish. I shouldâve known you wanted that internship, and I knew you wouldnât get it if my dad thought we were dating, but⌠Iâve wanted to be with you for such a long time, and when I had the chance to have you, even if it was just pretend, even if it meant lying to you, I couldnât bring myself to not take that chance. Iâm so sorry.â
You had completely forgotten the events of that week, and of that night. Your argument with Jay and Heeseungâs words seemed light-years away. âHow long have you liked me?â you couldnât help but ask. You shouldâve been surprised by Jayâs confession, but for some reason, it made sense - what didnât make sense was how you hadnât noticed it, or how youâd thought it wasnât possible that you might like him, too.
âSince we met,â he admitted shyly. âI wouldâve told you, but you seemed to enjoy arguing with me so much, I was scared youâd just make fun of me.â
Since youâd met⌠so, three years? And heâd never said anything? âTo be honest, I probably wouldâve made fun of you at first,â you agreed light-heartedly. âBut I also think it wouldâve made me realize what an amazing person you are earlier. Iâm sorry it took me so long.â
âThatâs okay. I wouldâve waited my whole life if it meant I could have you at the end.â Butterflies erupted all over your stomach at his words. You kissed him like youâd stop breathing if you didnât.
Now that Jay had gotten what he wanted to say off his chest, youâd hoped you could continue your previous actions, and started pressing kisses down his neck, but he soon stopped you again.
âIâm getting the feeling you donât want me to go down on you,â you said, half-joking.
He grinned and closed his eyes, as if fighting himself back. âI do, I promise you, I do.â When he opened his eyes again, they were full of affection. âBut weâve got so much time for that later. I just want to feel you around me right now. Would that be okay?â he asked, voice soft.
Your core pulsed at the thought of Jay inside you, and you nodded, breath growing erratic again. Jay gently lay you on your back, and took off his black boxers so that the two of you were finally completely naked, revealing his throbbing cock. He was right, how were you going to handle it? He rummaged around in his bedside drawer for a condom, and put it on with nervous hands.Â
He lined his tip at your entrance, pressing soft kisses all over your face and neck before pushing in as if to get you to relax. He kissed you gently on the lips. âTell me if it hurts, and Iâll stop right away.â
He waited for you to nod again, and finally entered you. It immediately stretched you out like never before. The sound of you taking a sharp breath in made Jay stop in his tracks. You wrapped your hands around his biceps for support, then, letting out a deep sigh, told him to go on. He pushed in inch by inch until he finally bottomed out. You both let out a hearty moan at the feeling. It was so perfect.
He didnât move for a few minutes, letting you adjust to his size. You had your eyes closed and were focused on relaxing, until all at once the pain of the stretch turned into pleasure, and you breathed out, âPlease, move.â He obeyed and started rocking in and out of you, making you feel each inch of his length inside you. The sensation was intoxicating. You couldnât stop any of the moans escaping your throat, and Jay took that as a green light to go gradually faster. Your bodies were moving at the exact same pace and you thought the two of you molded together perfectly, as if this was what you had been meant to do your whole life. His fingers were tightly gripping your hips as he thrusted into you harder and harder, making you moan so loud you were practically screaming in pleasure.
âYou feel so fucking good, Y/N,â he said, throwing his head back and letting out a deep moan himself. Your hands roamed all over his body, unable to stay in one place at a time. He suddenly changed the angle of his hips and started hitting that spot inside you he had found earlier with his fingers, making your mind go hay-wire.Â
âFuck, right there, Jay!â you screamed out, as he brought your hips down to his faster than you thought was humanly possible. Soon, you were coming again, and the feeling of you clenching down around him made him shoot his release into the condom. He fell on top of you, unable to carry his weight on his arms anymore. He only had enough strength to pull out and discard the condom, before nestling his head between your breasts. Tiredness seeped through your bones, and you both fell asleep in seconds, completely naked and arms around each other.
Jay woke up a few hours later, a cramp in his arm because of how you were laying down on it - the two of you had apparently switched positions at some point during the night. He softly pulled his arm away, trying not to wake you up. He checked his phone; it was 4:29 a.m. He looked down at you, admiring how soft you looked when you were sleeping. He still couldnât believe his luck, it all felt like a dream to him. But then you shifted slightly, letting out a small whimper, probably because of a dream, and Jay knew this was happening for sure. He hugged you tightly, breathing in the scent of your hair, and, knowing you were fast asleep, murmured, âI love you.â
â
The sunlight peeking through the curtains and hitting your face softly was what woke you up the next morning. You were relieved to feel Jayâs arms around your waist as he hugged you from behind. You gently turned around, curious about what he looked like in the morning.
As expected, he was perfect.
You observed him for a while until his eyes fluttered open. âGood morning, handsome,â you whispered, pushing away the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes.
âGood morning,â he replied, smiling sleepily. âCreep.â
Quietly, you gasped dramatically and said, âIs a girl a creep for looking at her boyfriend as he sleeps in the morning?â
He cocked an eyebrow. âBoyfriend, huh?â he teased.
You grinned at him. âYeah.â
âWell,â he said, returning your grin and tightening his grip around your waist, âmy girlfriend can look at me all she wants.â
Youâd technically been dating Jay for over three months now, but knowing it was finally real and not just pretend made you giddy. You buried your face in the crook of his neck and kissed him there, trying to hide your shy smile.Â
He took your head and lifted it to place a delicate kiss on your lips, which you returned like it was second nature. When you pulled away, you jokingly said, âMh. Morning breath,â but Jayâs eyes opened wide and he immediately put his hand over his mouth, asking, âSeriously?â
You laughed at him and pulled his hands down, going back in for a kiss. It soon escalated, and you were reminded of the fact that neither of you had clothes on when you could feel Jayâs hardness pressing against your thigh. He apologized shyly, but you told him it was fine, and that youâd take care of it.Â
This time, when you two made love, it was much slower and light-hearted than the previous night, as if the two of you had finally realized that you had all the time in the world and could enjoy every single second. It was the perfect thing to wake up to.
You two lazied in bed, alternating between slowly making out and daydreaming together, until his stomach rumbled loudly and you really needed to pee. When you joined him in the kitchen, he was heating up waffles on the stove. You hooked your arms around his waist, pressing your chest to his back, and he hummed softly.
âJay?â you whispered, lips just millimeters away from his ear.
âYes, doll?â
âI love you too.â
permanent taglist: @k-ingzo @bbujiikseu @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl (ask to be removed/added!) Š asahicore on tumblr, 2023. please do not repost, translate or plagiarize my works. feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!
#enhypen x reader#jay x reader#enhypen smut#jay smut#enhypen fluff#jay fluff#enhypen angst#jay angst#enhypen fanfiction#jay fanfiction#enhypen imagines#jay imagines#enhypen scenarios#jay scenarios
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As much as I love headcanons of Luke doing stuff like weed or drinking alcohol on the Princess Andromeda, personally I'd think it MUCH funnier if the guy was like- a total health nut.
Because let's be reasonable here guys, that boy has basically been raising a camp full of kids for FIVE years. His first instinct upon meeting Annabeth was "ok I'm her Dad now".
No WAY would he allow any of the demigods under him to come even near ANYTHING like that. And as such he OBVIOUSLY has to be a good role model (also, He isn't a hypocritical douche like gods are.)
Like yeah they are all hanging around on a stolen cruise ship planning to overthrow the gods, doesn't mean you suddenly get to do alcohol young man! No discussion, do you hear me? You are not yet of legal drinking age- and donât you even THINK about getting anywhere near those cigarettes.
Honestly who brought them even on board to beginn with????? Luke needs to have a serious talk with them about adverse health effects.
And of course will every demigod eat full healthy meals three times a day! What do you take him for!? Some sort of neglectful jerk like the gods are!? Oh and you better eat your vegetables young man- otherwise you wonât get any desert!
Donât even THINK about sneaking out or staying awake past your bedtime either. You're still a growing demigod and you need your sleep. No, this is NOT negotiable. Thank you very much.
#just Luke remaining the same kind of mother hen as him camp#you BEST believe that those demigods sre taken care off#weed ? no thanks. What would the CHILDREN then!?#luke castellan#pjo#percy jackson#luke castellan apologist#pjo fandom#pro luke castellan#titan army
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ËËË ę° YANDERE WANDERER ęą ËËË
yandere!wanderer/fem!reader
warnings - light mention of NSFW,slightly coercive attitude a/n - <3 suddenly got motivation to write for all main scaras..this character is so complicated..(that's why I love him lol) So there might be some discrepancy with canon
2.273 words
â彥 How did he realize his feelings? How quickly did it happen?
You first crossed paths on the Street in Sumeru. Daydreaming, you accidentally bumped into the Wanderer. Automatically apologizing, you smiled slightly and walked on. You didn't see the face of the man who had the misfortune of crossing your path. But he remembered yours.
At another time, the Wanderer would have called out to the absent-minded passerby and expressed his displeasure at his inattention, but this time, for some reason, he didn't feel the desire to ruin someone's mood. Following his gaze as you disappeared around the corner, he was surprised to feel something strange, half-forgotten inside himselfâŚ
"No, I'm not going to get involved in this," - the former Number Six of the Fatui Harbingers shook his head decisively.
Yes, he decided to live like a human. But that doesn't mean he wants to go through the same pain as before. Perhaps the Wanderer would have forgotten this meeting over time⌠even the gods do not know the answer to this question. Or, on the contrary, they decided to remind him what it is like to love?..
The second time he saw you was at a doll-making workshop. You were not from Sumeru and decided to bring home such an interesting souvenir, and he just wanted to make a doll similar to the one he once had. The workshop lasted for several days. You did not even look in the Wanderer's direction, all the time thinking about something of your own, but he did not take his eyes off you. On the third day, the Wanderer began to get angry not only at himself, for making the same mistakes as he once did, becoming attached to a mortal man, but also at you, for not noticing him.
Although, unlike the other people he once loved, you did not give him anything, but for some reason your opinion of him seemed important to him. On the fourth day, the Wanderer could not stand such inattention to his person and began to cough loudly and demonstratively. You looked up at him in confusion:
Be healthy, - you said politely and again looked away from the young man. The Archons see that if the Wanderer were not a puppet, he would choke on this!.. On what?.. Even on the same air!..
For the first time, he saw that someone did not care about him so much. Especially someone he deigned to be interested in. The fifth day was the last day of the master class. Realizing that if he did not do anything now, it would never work out, the Wanderer approached and casually asked:
"Hmm⌠what is your name?" - You said your name.
"And yours?.."
"Wanderer."
"I see. Excuse me, I need to go." - You turned around to leave the place where the master class was being held. The young man who approached you, apparently to get acquainted, was very handsome in appearance: thick blue-black hair, indigo eyes, delicate features⌠it was hard to imagine a man as beautiful as Wanderer. But something about him repulsed you⌠perhaps his manner of speech?..
"Where are you going? hmh.I hope your majesty, you don't mind if I go with you..It wasn't a question."
"I don't need you." - you sighed, I looked at him questioningly.
"What, really?.. Just look at yourself. Thin arms, no weapon. Where are you going to stick your nose in?.."
"In any case, it's none of your business, and it's better to go alone than with a boor like you!.."
"Am I boor? I'm just telling the truth, and if someone doesn't like listening, that's their problem."
"You're right, of course, but if I don't like listening, no one can make me believe otherwise."
"I see."
Wanderer chuckled. His interest in you grew even stronger. The former "balladeer" didn't understand what it was about you that he liked so much, both the first time and now. The first time you didn't talk, so it wasn't the so-called "intelligence." Beauty?.. yes, you're quite nice, but he's seen many prettier ones. The human world is full of mysteries.
The old Scaramouche wouldn't have looked for answers to all these questions. Did he like you?.. great. If you don't want to follow him yourself, he'll kidnap you. He's the Harbinger, who has subordinates and a million ways to keep you locked up. But that's not the case now. It's not even that he's no longer a member of Fatui, it's just that he's become different. He decided that he wanted to absolve himself of all his sins, but how could he do that if he kidnapped someone, even if, one might say, out of scientific interest?.. he needs to think of something else. Maybe he would tell Nahida about it, or, if she was busy, the Traveler.
After listening attentively to Wanderer, the goddess of Wisdom gave him a book.
"All about etiquette: a complete set of rules for social and business communication,"
He read the book and found out that it was customary to address strangers as "you." It turned out that it was not very nice to start an acquaintance with rudeness even with a simple person, and even more so if you liked him⌠but it couldn't be that you rejected him, Wanderer, just because he was a little abrupt!..
â彥 How jealous is he? How will he deal with his rivals?
He really doesn't like it when you care about someone more than him. However, the smart Wanderer will never arrange a massacre just like that. Although, is it necessary his given inclinations?.. Yes, he can knock a person down so much that it seems better to hit him a couple of times⌠In Sumeru, they talk about you as a strange couple: a dreamer with thoughts as light as the wind, and an angry kitten, ready to sink his little teeth into the throat of anyone who dares to look at her.
However, Wanderer may seem like a harmless kitten only to a person who has never encountered him. And soon it will become clear to everyone that the "kitten" is not as weak as he seems. Wanderer sharp tongue will quickly do its job. Your admirers will not dare to approach you. At least in his presence.
If someone bothers you too much, Wanderer despite having decided to start a new life, will go to extremes. Oh no, he won't kill that person. He'll just gouge out their eyes. If this guy doesn't understand that it's not nice to look at other people's loved ones, he'll have to show him that. Well, at least this way he'll never make the same mistake again!
â彥 Would he kidnap you?
The old Scara, as mentioned above, would kidnap you without a second thought. But now he knows he can't do that. Maybe if your relationship lasts long enough for him to feel he has the right to control you, he'll restrict you a little: make you quit your job and stay home, demand that you come home by nine o'clock and not talk to people he doesn't like.
But if you kindly remind him that you're not his thing, he'll have no choice but to roll his indigo eyes and accept that you're not going to do his bidding.
â彥 What are his rules?
First of all, you must not love anyone but him, just as he loves no one but you. That's the most important thing. He also wants you to accompany him wherever he goes - that's the only way he can be sure that you won't cheat on him. He's generally very fanatical about you being faithful to him as a lover should be. Wanderer knows himself well: if he's betrayed again, he won't be able to return to atone for his sins.
He will.never.let you.go.
â彥 What does his behavior look like?
Everyone has a friend or acquaintance who likes to say nasty things, grumble, say that he will never help an idiot like you, and then help in a way that even the most polite and courteous people will not help. So. This friend is Wanderer
He can scold you a hundred times for allowing yourself to be deceived, but you will be sure that your offender will not get off with a light fright.
He can declare a thousand times that he doesnât care about people, they have too many useless functions that only get in the way in life, but you will always find your favorite food at home. He can tell you a million times that you're a complete idiot, but if someone else says it⌠oh, man, are you completely tired of living?.. Wanderer believes that he is in a special position and has the right to tell you whatever he wants, but he will react extremely aggressively if someone else thinks the same.
â彥 What happens if you get sick?
Wanderer will tell you a lot of things while you're sick. For example, that only an idiot could go out without a hat, knowing that it would rain, and she herself is quite sick and can easily catch something. And also that the human body is very weak in principle, so you shouldn't have gone anywhere at all, just like he said⌠but at the same time he will surround you with pillows, feed you with a spoon, buy you sweets and make you tea.
One day, when he will be adjusting the blanket at night, you will wake up and, in your sleep, say that such behavior makes him humanâŚ
â彥 How much does he need your love?
Initially, Wanderer didn't want to experience feelings that usually hurt people, but when he admitted that he was in love, he realized that there was no point in being afraid anymore. Everything that could happen has already happened, and nothing can be done about it.
And since he loves you, it would be desirable for you to love him too. And if Wanderer can't open the door to your heart, he will try to achieve at least a tolerant attitude towards himself. However, this will never be enough for him. He wants his feelings to be reciprocated.
â彥 Views on family
Girl!.. He's a puppet.. He can't have children with you, although you can adopt someone.. But he doesn't need it, he wants to live his immortal life with his beloved, and not babysit children. If you really get close, Wanderer will treat you like a family member. In order not to offend you, over time he will moderate his ardor and become less harsh in his judgments.
But if you don't need him, and you are simply forced to be near him⌠he will treat you not as a thing, no. If you put a thing, it stands there. And you, more like a pet. You tell him: don't climb there, and he climbs. You tell him: don't eat this, and he eats. You tell him: don't bother this person, and he bothers. Usually, of course, a pet is perceived as part of the family, but it is unknown whether Wanderer will put so highly someone whom he considers so inferior to himself.
â彥 What kind of punishment does he use?
If you are too brazen and respond to his caustic remarks with aggression (in general, act like a brat), then he will ignore it for a long time, and believe me, he is very good at it. (but he still gave in after 5 minutes)
Do you like to be sweet?.. Great! In that case, why don't you, say, court him?.. He doesn't demand anything complicated: be silent when necessary, don't bother him and don't disturb him when he doesn't want to.
Kiss him when he wants and.. ah, you don't want to court him?.. Oh. For that, you deserve punishment. So, you'll have to sleep next to him and kiss your puppet for a long time before going to bed⌠If you don't agree to that either, the Wanderer will decide to gently caress you a little from below.. And you won't be able to avoid that!!
â彥 What kind of pet-names does he use?
WellâŚhe doesn't like to use pet-names like "sweety pie" or "my bunny", etc. (only sarcastically, and rarely).. Even the puppet like him gets sick of it. But the Wanderer often uses poetic nicknames towards you. He can compare you to characters from books or heroes of famous paintings.
And you have a surprisingly large number of such "second names": each time he calls you differently, depending on the situation and your behavior. For example, if you are a night owl and don't like to sleep at night, he calls you "Selena" in honor of the moon goddess, if you prefer airy, light-colored clothes, he can compare you to an angel, and so on.
The Wanderer is very protective of you, because he considers you the only person who can accept him as he is. And, you can be sure, he will do everything to not lose you.. Not after what he went through..
"But you are not angry, are you, my Persephone?.."
#wanderer x reader#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin impact fanart#wanderer genshin#yandere scaramouche#yandere wanderer#scaramouche#genshin scaramouche#scaramouche x reader
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On Appalachian and Southern Stereotypes
After seeing some people leap at the opportunity to insult and further harm us under my posts, even by obviously leftist accounts, I wanted to address some of the most popular stereotypes of our region.
Not as an excuse. There are many negative, violent and otherwise harmful features of the American South. We have a horrific history especially in terms of the violence we inflicted and continue to inflict upon the Black community that cannot be forgotten, and, as a culture, we do need to pay our dues.
But maybe this will help yâall apply some nuance to the situation and understand that we arenât all your enemy.
Stereotype 1: Everyone is a Republican Racist
Absolute horse shit, my friends. There are people like me all over the south and in the hollers. We just get drowned out by the fascists, and it is all by design.Â
In my home state of North Carolina alone, they are working tirelessly to make it impossible for young, often liberal (if not outright leftist) voices to be heard. They specifically target regions with heavy POC populations.
As recently as May of this year, the North Carolina Supreme Court overturned their own previous ruling which once made gerrymandering illegal. This allows Republicans free range to draw their congressional lines wherever benefits them most.Â
Meanwhile, Roy Cooper, our Democratic governor, has been in office since 2017.
Gerrymandering is a real problem, and it reflects the worst of us. But it does not reflect all of us.
We are a working class, pro-union people.
We are coal miners and mill workers and farmers.
We took up arms against the government and fought for our labor rights during the Coal Wars as recently as the 1920s.
We bled for labor rights at the Battle of Blair Mountain.
Itâs a myth that you keep perpetuating that we are all closed minded, bigoted regressionists. It diminishes the efforts of everyone from the coal miners to people like me while we try to make the region a better place.
It actually only worsens what you say that you wish you could âsaw off into the ocean.âÂ
That's my home you're talking about.
Stereotype 2: Everyone is Obese
36.3% of the overall population of the Southeast is obese. This is true.
Have you considered why that may be? For starters, Southerners are more likely to be uninsured compared to individuals living in the rest of the country.
"Among the total nonelderly population, 15% of individuals in the South are uninsured compared to 10% of individuals in the rest of the country."
Partially because they didn't even expand the same Medicaid benefits to us. and partially because we are just so fucking poor.Â
17% of the American South is below the poverty line, compared to 13% in the Midwest, 13% in the West, and 13% in the Northeast.
Percentages under 5% may not seem like much, but when you consider 1% of the total United States population is around 3,140,000 people, yeah, that adds up real quick.
How does this relate? Well...
Mississippi has 19.58% of its residents below the poverty line, and a 39.1% obesity rate.
West Virginia has 17.10% of its residents below the poverty line, and a 40.6 % obesity rate.
Kentucky has 16.61% of its residents below the poverty line, and a 40.4% obesity rate.
Are you seeing the trend?
We, generally speaking, are more likely to be unable to afford to feed ourselves wholesome foods, and we are less likely to be able to afford medical insurance--two things that are obviously important to maintaing good health and a "healthy" weight.
By the same token...Â
Stereotype #3: We're All UneducatedÂ
The South and Appalachia are some of the lowest ranked in terms of educational funding and spending per pupil in the entire country. We don't even break the top 30 on the list, y'all.
49. Tennessee at $8,324 per pupil 47. Mississippi at $8,919 per pupil 45. Alabama at $9,636 per pupil 42. Kentucky at $10,010 per pupil 36. North Carolina at $10,613 per pupil 35. South Carolina at $10,719 per pupil 33. Georgia at $10,893 per pupil 32. West Virginia at $10,984 per pupil
The top three best-funded states, by comparison, receive between $18k and $20k per pupil.
In terms of higher education, student loans are a death sentence for everyone but especially impoverished kids just looking for a way out. It just isn't feasible for most of us. And that's if we even tested well after going to shitty schools our whole lives. If we had better education, we'd have better literacy in all things, including critical thinking, allowing us to better see through the bullshit we are taught. But we don't. And you aren't helping the ones who are trying in spite of that.
Stereotype 4: Bad Teeth
Quickly going to touch on this one--when we consider a lack of access to affordable, healthy food, shitty medical insurance in general and our poverty rate, this one is kind of obvious. Even so:
âDental coverage was significantly lower than the national average in the South Atlantic (45.6%), East South Central (45.6%), West South Central (45.9%), and Pacific (48.0%) regions.â
Every time you make a toothless hillbilly joke, ask if poverty is really the butt of the joke you want to be making.
These are just the most pervasive of them, imo. And they can all be underlined by extreme poverty which is absolutely by design.
It also contributes to why it isnât so easy to âjust leaveâ as we are so often dismissively told to do. Moving is expensive.
And why should we have to, anyway? Why should we have to flee our homes?
Why, for those who feel safe enough and/or have no other choice, should we not stay and fight to better the region?
And why canât you other leftists get behind us and help us in our fight instead of perpetuating harmful stereotypes? We're your people, too.
Just some food for thought. And I hope some of yâall take a big ol bite.
#i am already exhausted#if you wanna discuss or for some reason argue any of these points my asks are open but i'm hopping off of here for now#appalachia#appalachian culture#appalachian mountains#southern usa#txt
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For the record, I'm about the same age as Lou and, by extension, Tommy Kinard. At this point in my life as a mature person with a job and a mortgage, if I were single, I highly doubt I wanna fool around. I would rather be single and have satisfying friendships than a casual fling. So that's the mentality I have when I write Tommy.
He'd been through a lot more as a closeted gay man, and he came out later in life (I came out when I was 22, but my society is a lot more conservative, even now), so if he wanted a slut era, he's probably over it by now. Casual gets dull if you're a romantic at heart. And when I put myself in his position, I would want to put in effort to make a relationship last. By now, I know what doesn't work for me, what lines I draw in relationships, what I enjoy, what turns me off. I know my principles and values, and I look for these in the people I associate with. The way i read him is similar. He was able to cut himself free from what held him down or held him back to really express his truth, he is open about his flaws and vulnerabilities with people he trusts, and he actively seeks healthy means of filling his time that require dedication, hard work and mental discipline. So I would assume he would look for guys who he knows have similar values.
So Evan, brave young Evan, who wears his heart on his sleeve, willing to sue the LAFD to get back to a job he loves, protective of his family (blood or otherwise), who works hard at his job and puts in effort to learn how to cook well, coming into Tommy's life at this stage? Unless they are truly incompatible in multiple ways, unless Evan himself breaks it off and insist on being friends only, I don't think Tommy will want to let this one slip through his hands
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Obey Me! Random Headcanon #12
How they treat you vs. their kids, Former undates version. (For Luke he basically is your child/little bro, so adoptive siblings.)
Diavolo
Attitude towards you: "Hey, Barbatos, would you bring over the-" and Diavolo stops you halfway through the request. You're a queen to him, even more so after you got pregnant/adopted, and it's become his habit to serve you. So the next thing you know, in the middle of dinner, Diavolo is making a run to the kitchen for cookies.
Towards your child: "Papa, can we have cookies?" Diavolo is definitely the type to spoil his kid during family time. So, of course, they have a whole conversation about what kind of cookies and end up baking them together (probably with you in tow) after dinner.
Barbatos
Attitude towards you: Before you can even ask for the honey, he'll be gently setting it down in front of you with a smile. "I imagine you'll like two teaspoons for this tea; it might be too sweet otherwise."
Towards your child: "Why do they get honey, and I don't?!" Your child might throw a tantrum while you sigh. "It's medicinal tea," Barbatos will lecture, "It is very important that you take care of your health, even if it may be unpleasant."
Simeon
Attitude towards you: "Simeon, could you pass the powdered sugar over here?" And he'll pass you the sugar with a short "Here you go, darling" or "Certainly, angelcakes." Even if you ask him rudely because you're cranky.
Towards your child: Much the same as you, actually, aside from the form of address. The difference is when your child gives him attitude. He'll let it slide half a dozen times with a gentle chiding. After that... you might not want try his patience yourself.
Luke
Attitude towards you: "Luke, be a dear and pass the whisk, would you?" And he'll hand it to you with a big smile like he's so happy to be helpful (which he is).
Towards Diavolo's kid: "Oi, Chihuahua (Lucifer taught him/her that by accident), give me that." And Luke will run to you complaining without giving anything over.
Towards Barbatos' kid: "Young sir, I was wondering if I might be able to have one of those macarons?" Luke will be hesitant, but he ultimately caves and gives not one, but three to the kid with a "D-Don't expect me to screw up so many all the time!"
Towards Simeon's kid: "Hey, Luke? Can you please pass me the sprinkles?" And Luke will be fawning over how cute the kid is with the way they ask, both giving it to them and advising them on decorating their cupcake.
Towards Solomon's kid: "Hey, squirt, pass over the diabetus you're making there." And when Luke suspiciously refuses, the kid will move the bowl with telekinesis and dip their finger in the bowl anyway.
Solomon
Attitude towards you: "Sol, frying pan. Give it here. Now." And Solomon will pout at you and complain, but he'll ultimately hand it over without any fuss and let you cook.
Towards your kid: "Dad, can you pass the black casserole?" Solomon will look at his child with a healthy measure of amusement and suspicion because the last time he said that, his kid blew up the dish and its contents before eventually saying, "So you've finally come around then?" (No.)
-- Caramel: So what I mean to say is that Diavolo's kids will be spoiled rotten, and Barbatos' is only bratty around his father. --
#obey me!#fanfiction#obey me shall we date#obey me solomon#obey me diavolo#obey me luke#obey me headcanons#random#headcanons#obey me barbatos#obey me simeon#solomon#luke#simeon#diavolo#barbatos
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Not so friendly reminder that creating "dark" or "taboo" fiction can be a sign of childhood trauma!
More below the cut. Warning: long post.
TW: Mentions of trauma, child abuse, and paraphilias
Hi. I'm someone who studies psychology and sociology, and someone who also happens to have an interest in this shipping discourse stuff.
So, back to what I said a few paragraphs ago: Creating "dark" or "taboo" fictional content can be a sign of childhood trauma.
How?
When a child goes through something they consider traumatic, their brain will play the situation on repeat subconsciously, which can cause hypervigilance and symptoms of PTSD.
A common sign of PTSD in young children is that they will reenact their trauma with things like dolls, drawings, figures, and basically any other thing they can use to express their thoughts.
For example, a child who has gone through physical abuse may reenact similar things with their toys, such as making their dolls hit or yell at each other.
This symptom isn't limited to children, though. It is a symptom closely related to the presence of flashbacks and nightmares.
Many artists will create a "self-insert" character, "sona," or a character who is otherwise much like it's creator; when an artist creates a character like this and also has past trauma, their symptoms may reflect onto their character.
Projecting yourself onto characters can happen with other characters as well, even if you didn't make the character.
This is a healthy symptom. It shows that the brain is willing to become stronger from their trauma.
Reenacting trauma in ways that aren't harmful can help the brain process what happened to them, and can even help them deal with their trauma directly.
In order to heal trauma, you must know what your trauma is; you can't heal a wound you don't know you have.
While dark fiction creators are indulging in positive healing mechanisms, certain people will shun them for doing so.
"Antishippers" claim to be the "heroes" and to support healing, even though the thing that makes someone be considered and antishipper is if they're "anti healing through fiction."
Antishippers will throw the same ableist rhetorics around by claiming "if you ship adult x child you're a pedophile!" or "if you have age gap ships (even if both are consenting adults) you're a pedophile!"
This, not only is it hurting trauma survivors (especially those who have been harmed by those with paraphilic disorders), it is hurting EVERY disabled person.
Armchair diagnosis is not something anyone should do.
It is when there is little to no evidence that the condition exists within a person, though people still throw labels onto them to make them seem like they're a "bad guy." (Usually.)
This is also hurting people with actual paraphilias. Paraphilic disorder is real condition characterized by intrusive thoughts of a (usually abnormal or harmful-if-acted-on) sexual nature.
Even if someone claims to not be ableist but still demonizes and villainizes paraphilias, they're ableist.
Ableism is ableism.
And before an anti decides to call me a "pedo-apologist," go right ahead! You don't know what you're saying anyways.
There is a difference between a criminal and a disabled person.
Proship people do not support abuse. Anyone who claims to be proship but still supports abuse is NOT proship.
---
Of course anyone who makes dark content doesn't have to have past trauma.
There are many people who make dark content that don't have what they'd consider trauma, or think their trauma is unrelated to the content they create.
What if they did experience something traumatic in the future?
They'd be able to cope with it better, because they'd seen it in fiction before, so they'd know the impact of it, and how they could handle it.
Of course, not everyone who indulges in fiction will be able to handle it, though.
However, no matter if they have past trauma or not, assume the best when it comes to content creators.
They're creative and strong, and we should be thankful that they're adding onto fandom culture by just existing and doing what they love.
All people, no matter what fictional content they create, are beautiful in their own way and should be met with kindness and compassion.
Do not go out of your way to harass/abuse innocent people.
Do not go out of your way to be ableist towards content creators and content consumers.
---
Thank you for reading my long post, I hope it helped at least a bit.
Have a great day/night and stay safe, no matter your taste in fiction.
Feedback is appreciated, and reblogs are encouraged.
#tw trauma#tw abuse#tw paraphilia#proship#proship please interact#profic#anti anti#comship#proship safe#childhood trauma#para safe#reblog please
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Your last posts abt homophobia resonate so much. I'm also from Russia, and feel very much the same way. People always say "just move to a different country" like it's easy. I work in a translation agency and I see exactly what you need to do nowadays to move, and I see that I don't have that and won't have that for a very, very long time. And many other people, lesbians, don't.
And even then, forgetting the financial and legal sides, not everyone wants to abandon their home. It's far from perfect, but where is? And the baby lesbians growing up in Russia also need to see themselves in this culture and in this language. I knew I didn't even know being a lesbians was a thing until I was 12 years old! And I'm not that young, things were much better when I was a child than they're now.
Before, I desperately wanted to move and I thought this was the only way to happiness. But I remember reading a comment in a Russian lesbian group once that said something along the lines of "they want to trade us, but it's my home too, and I'm not going anywhere, why the hell do I need to hide in what is essentially my home?" and it changed my perspective so much, even though I'd still love to change countries if I could xD
Anyway, sorry for ranting, just wanted to tell you I see you and feel what you're saying a lot.
ХпаŃийО.
Hope you don't mind that I keep this message public since I believe it's healthy for everyone to see perspectives of other people. And this is our perspective.
I want to love the place that I live in. I see the potential in it, I want to see it thrive, I want to be proud to be here. I want to work for the good of my home and the people in it. But it appears that this place doesn't want the same things for me. And it hurts.
And it hurts especially bad, when you remember that things WERE better. But now, with every day they only become worse. And you can't do anything about it, but be absolutely crushed by the news. It's not like I haven't tried to make a change. All of us have. But it wasn't enough.
I'm constantly worried if I'm gonna "let people down" if the truth about my sexuality comes out. But you are right. I have every right to be here, even if the homophobic laws and people who make them try to convince me otherwise.
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https://x.com/sugarfemdom/status/1705773947491655988?s=46
this but with literally any cod boy (ahem kĂśnig)âŚ. they could pick u up at any given moment given their size nd just love using u as their little fleshlight!!!!!!!
I said stop it with the cute p0rn links!!!
I don't know how I was able to even see that but OH MY GOD that's exactly how I picture (young) KĂśnig... Oh god oh god. When he gets older he gets some of that healthy fat on top of his belly. But otherwise, that's him right there and he would do this to you when you come out of the shower, just attacks you when you're naked, picks you up and... đ
(I don't know if anyone here believes me but I don't actually watch porn, I only read and write it?! I fell off my chair when this popped on the screen unmuted, jesuschrist. The deprived little noises ohgod don't send me these?! WHat if I actually fall next time and die?? Think about it)
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If y'all who actually care about my obsessive doberman posting ever wonder why I'm cagey about who I recommend nowadays, and why I don't name people who are "known greats" in the breed, consider:
Person C has a dobe produced by Person A and Person B. B and C are good friends. B has made some highly questionable breeding decisions including using dogs with known cardiac health problems and covering up thyroid problems by representing the dogs as "thyroid normal" but not including the detail that they're only normal while actively on thyroid medication.
Person C posts that their dog from this pairing is severely low thyroid at a fairly young age, and that they've decided not to breed their dog as a result. Person A publicly lamblasts C, calls it not that big of a deal, and swings by C's house to collect semen anyway. C deletes previous post, reports the photo, and the new caption makes no mention of thyroid disease but instead talks about how the dog passed all the other health certs with no issue, implying that the dog is perfectly healthy.
Consider:
Person Z has two dogs they have titled to impressively high levels in protection sport. Just before breeding, Z gets very bad results from heart testing on both dogs. One dog definitely has DCM, the #1 breed killer that takes over 50% of dobes from us by way of sudden death with no other symptoms, ie the dogs just collapse and die one day or die in their sleep with no other warning (unless you're doing rigorous heart testing). The other dog has concerning results indicating that DCM is on the horizon but not yet diagnosable.
Z puts both dogs on heart meds designed to combat DCM. The dogs' next test results return to normal. Z uses this normal result to say the dogs have healthy hearts and breeds the dogs anyway. Z has made no mention to the buyers of this litter that the parents both effectively have DCM, albeit well controlled with medication thus far.
If I did not have all 4 of these people on Facebook I would not know this about them. If someone were to friend them currently right now, they would not find evidence of this, because the posts with evidence have been deleted. There is no way to know this about them without knowing in advance.
When I say that the people I personally would get a dog from is a very small, exclusive club nowadays, I don't mean just because I'm particular about temperament, though that is certainly part of it. It's because I've watched this behavior from a LOT of otherwise popular, well-respected, well-liked breeders and I know if I named names their fan bases would crucify me, but I've also seen the wrongdoing with my own eyes or even in person.
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