#even if you are lonely for a while
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There's so many people I've met on the internet through the years that are always so used to people being cruel or rude to them and when I'm nice they always say they love being around me but it just makes me so...... sad. Like everyone deserves someone who is genuinely kind to them and yeah joking around and being mean to your pals is fine when you respect boundaries but when it's a constant thing it just weirds me out. I love being nice to people. I love spreading kindness. What do you get from being a huge jackass to everyone, including people who you claim to be very close to? I dunno.
Everyone deserves to be loved by their friends!! It's one of my favorite things to make my friends smile and make them feel good about themselves. It feels like everyone is always so ready to put their friends down for a joke. I love lifting mine up!!! Maybe it's just me. But I am a lover at heart.
#talking#might delete soon its just random thoughts#i have had so many people in my life even just randoms gush to me about how its jarring how i dont make fun of them for their interests#like it takes every fibre of my being to not immediately say drop whoever is making fun of you this much#that me being nice to you is such a monumental event#i am begging people to stop giving horrible and mean people the time of day and realize you will find something much better in due time#even if you are lonely for a while#because i would much rather be lonely than constantly crying and feeling like less of a person due to some asshole who doesnt know when#to quit#i've had people in my life who would tell me im just too sensitive#maybe i am!!!! but why is that a bad thing to be sensitive and to be emotional. why are we so obsessed with being horrible and rude#okay yapfest over see yall next year
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Great's Dying Brain vs Reality : The aftermath of Great and Tyme's first date
4MINUTES (2024) EP. 3 // EP. 6
#4 minutes#4 minutes the series#greattyme#thaidrama#uservix#userrlaura#raeblr#userbon#mjtag#rinblr#esmetracks#userrlana#userpetri#tusersilence#user25shades#asiandramasource#asiandramaedit#fyeahthaidramas#tansgifs#gifs:fourm#wtv you do do not think about the cat plushies not being real#my god great is just so incredibly lonely man#like i don't think his parents are even at the hospital after he got shot#and he thought he found someone in tyme#and while dying he thought what they could have been#anyways i got a way worst gifset than this coming next#gimme a sec i got an evil email to send first
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Dream’s room within Nightmare’s castle
This comic takes place after Nightmare’s theoretical death that I discussed before >:)
A bit of context under readmore
#realizing how that tiny part of your brother really cared while you were conditioned to believe he hates you down to the core time#mixed with how Nightmare made such a room to feel less lonely as Dream is his only family#all while denying that vulnerability within him to even exist#i’m so bad at environmental art don’t mind the very badly made room#I really wanted to explore this regardless cause fuck art skill i can do whatever the fuck i want and nothing can stop me#anothers art#dreamtale#dream#dream sans#dream!sans#dreamtale dream
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Thinking about how Diavolo’s feelings transcend time and how in the Nightbringer UR+ card Demon Lord’s Castle Tour this conversation happens.
When asked, “Do you wish to see your father?”
Diavolo responds:
“I suppose I do . . .” isn’t the typical reaction to how a child would feel about wanting to see their parent. Especially when said parent has essentially been in a coma for a year.
Along with how Diavolo describe his father.
It makes more sense why when you learn in Lesson 56 how Diavolo was treated by him growing up.
Diavolo can tell when others are lying but is unable to understand his father’s intentions.
Diavolo mentions that he lived a very sheltered life growing up. That from a young age his father never allowed him a chance to talk to anyone outside the castle.
His childhood friend was Mephistopheles. A demon literally RAISED to be his friend. Putting a barrier between the two because Mephistopheles would put Diavolo on a pedestal.
The isolating childhood he experienced riddled with his strict father constantly scolding him.
Despite everything MC is so important to him he wants to see his father again so we can meet.
#Demons and Humans can’t get married even in the present so it adds an extra layer him wanting to introduce us.#There’s a lot more you could add onto this (please do I’d love to hear other’s thoughts).#Like how Diavolo’s childhood affected him just look at the way he describes himself:#“The truth is I am a child in a way. A child who spends his time alone and never gets to do anything interesting.”#A lot of Diavolo’s poor behavior while not excused comes from his childhood.#How Diavolo admits to using his position to force others to do what he wants. Along with how he doesn’t like sharing.#Diavolo’s insecurities in his friendships with others.#Mainly Lucifer and Barbatos which makes sense with how they happened.#IE Forcing Barbatos to become his butler and the oath/deal with Lucifer regarding Lilith.#It’s clear Diavolo is very lonely and carrying a heavy burden.#I like that MCs presence is helping him change into a better person.#Also I don’t think Diavolo hates his father their relationship just isn’t good and very complicated.#Diavolo is such a wonderful character if you have any in-depth posts about him please tag me I’d love to read them!!!#I AM FILLED WITH SAPPY THOUGHTS ABOUT DIAVOLO TONIGHT!!!!#Obey Me#Obey Me Spoiler#Obey Me Nightbringer#OMSWD#Obey Me Diavolo#Diavolo#MaddyMajolish#Is it obvious I can’t sleep because I’m riddled with Blorbo thoughts
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eleven is fascinating to me because he came right off the back of tens horrible traumatic breakdown after he lost everything and he immediately tried to establish himself as the opposite of that. he is funny and goofy and almost childlike, and he bulldozes on in his adventures with amy like nothing happened at all. but then something happens and his masks slips and it's like oh! the core of this man is still anger. he is so so angry all of the time and this façade is the only thing stopping him from being consumed by it. he isn't over any of it and he hasn't moved on. he is wearing a fez and laughing but under that all that exists is age old anger and grief and it is going to consume him
#i do think that this pit of anger was eventually covered and soothed by the ponds#but he didn't adress it and he couldn't even look at it until he was twelve#when he stopped pushing back and repressing everything and finally allowed himself to exist as he was#but ok listen#its all layed out in the first 3 episodes of season 5 and in the way amy sees him#episode 1. here is the new doctor he is energetic and reeling and fun#episode 2. the space whale comparison. here is the new doctor. he is unthinkably ancient and almost godlike but he is so so kind#and patient and good. he is ancient and lonely but he can't stand to see children cry. so the doctor helps people#episode 3. daleks. the doctor is a soldier. these are his age old enemies. he wants them dead and he will stop at nothing#all logic and reason vanish. he is hitting the dalek with a pipe and yelling his head off while amy watches in horror#like obviously we know why but amy didnt#this is not a sane or rational man he is unstable and angry#and in that episode he was stripped back to what he largely is: hate#you would make a good dalek ect ect ect#anyway 3 episodes with 3 very distinct and equally definitely traits layed out like: here you go#i don't like elevens era much but those first 3 episodes were great#doctor who#eleven#amy#eleventh doctor#matt smith#dr who#dw#i mean idk this is what river literally had to spell out for him#eleven was careening completely out of control#how long til doctor means warrior indeed?#mine
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To the ‘themes I am picking up on in Veilguard’ list, let's go ahead and add what I have a sneaking suspicion will actually turn out to be The theme:
— the world has changed and can never be as it was again.
— I have been changed and can never be who I was again.
— in this simple unavoidable truth there is endless grief and endless hope.
And I… may be getting a bit emotional about it haha. Let me show my work a bit:
if da:o is a game about people who are already dead or half ghosts in some form (through societal forces, psychologically, functionally, literally, in body, through the joining etc.) coming together anyway to save the world from being swallowed by total nihilism and despair (symbolized by the blight) through the power of love and friendship and also this sword/potential heroic sacrifice that I found, da2 is a game about people who have lost their homes and been set adrift finding and building new homes in each other (while completely failing to save the world. also through the power of love and friendship. as well as years of petty bickering <3 we must imagine kirkwall if not happy then worth having been because the love was there the love was there and that's the only sanctifying force we can ever have in this doomed world and city of ours), and da:i is a game about old stabilizing-but-unjust comfortable lies vs. disruptive but potentially liberating uncomfortable truths, and the power of friendship to help us distinguish the one from the other and navigate through them...
folks… I'm starting to think that veilguard might be a game specifically about moving towards recovery and acceptance after trauma — about how even in this flawed, severed, scarred state, what is here right now is worth loving and worth caring for. even in an imperfect and impermanent world and self, there is worth and joy. and of course the first real tragedy — and threat — of Solas is that he just cannot find it in himself to accept this and move on, to let go of what was, the regret won’t let him go or he won’t let go of it. which means that even though on the surface it’s Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain (and the will to subjugate and violate they represent) who are the main villains, the real antagonistic force in this story beneath that is the Dread Wolf’s despair. A despair Rook must make an answer to by the end of the game, one way or another, compassionately or with righteous fury, triumphant or pyrrhic.
The world will change again and again and so will you — BUT the crucial element is that so will everyone else who exists along with you, you are fundamentally not alone in this existential truth. all we’ll ever have is each other and my god that is plenty, my god that is enough!!! Which is the second thing Solas just can’t accept, he keeps himself separate and completely alone out of an awful mix of fear and pride and feeling himself unworthy of anything else. Rook and the player want to save the world of Thedas because it’s where everyone we love lives, Solas wants to go back to the past because that’s the only neighbourhood where he can still visit those he loved — and the person he himself was, before. A very sympathetic and human instinct/trap to fall into when touched by trauma, I think, if only it wasn’t backed by godlike power, a fundamentally oppositional personality, and a catastrophic lack of therapy to make it literally everyone else’s problem too lol. It’s varric and solas’ banter about the man on the island and where meaning in a life comes from all over again, writ large and with detail work — and the added idea of ‘what if there are also other islands out there, though. With other people on them that you could find if you reach for each other’. Rook with the best of intentions has to make choices to which there are no perfect outcomes and live with what happens — and not cut themselves off from everyone else around them even when there is regret or shame. You get back up every day and you make a life with other people doing the same and you do your best, and that’s the only victory this world will give you. In the end, that is more than enough, that is essential. And I um. I love that. So much. It’s why some of the writing clumsiness on top can’t hurt me because this thematic spine is so solid and so beautiful to me. It’s DA2 all over again that way for me personally — I forgive this story for what it isn’t and couldn’t be, and I love it with my whole stupid open heart for what it actually is. Thank you for coming to my TED-talk and goodbye etc.
(For my fellow TLT heads out there — you know what this story is reminding me of most of all, actually? It has some big Nona the Ninth vibes down there in the deep. It’s about… the horror and unspeakable beauty that can only be found in liminality, and the role of love in making that basic fact of existence bearable. And also even more unbearable at the same time. I'm so sorry.)
#I told you all I was going to be extremely myself about this. I suppose we all hoped I was joking. even while knowing I was not#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age meta#solas#varric tethras#anyway. at the end of the day and despite everything varric won the 'I told you so chuckles' rights over solas in this philosophical debate#and isn't that enough in a way. I think so. the world and the story of the world is his legacy. people get to keep telling it#I want to say so much about how each of the companions play into the different aspects of this theme but I should uh#probably finish the game properly first haha#guys I literally opened my eyes this morning and wrote out most of this before even getting up. the pressure cooker brain is back#the lone brain cell in here boileth over with dragon age feels & thoughts#very little sends me deranged quite like this series I'm afraid. I'm just still so relieved that even if this story isn't for everyone.#it is for me. thank god. I needed it
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“nobody understands me” but not in the “edgy suffering from teenager syndrome mad at mom” kind of way, but the “lonely isolating young adult realization that the specific combination of mental illnesses and past experiences i’ve had have resulted in a pattern of behaviors that are often misinterpreted and misconstrued by others” type of way
#maybe it’s the mental illness but boy howdy do i feel like an outsider#as a teenager it’s usually the feeling that everybody else is a stick in the mud and stupider than you kind of stuff#now i’m feeling like everybody else is a real person while i’m only partially a person#like there’s so much of myself missing and i can’t seem to relate with anybody else#it’s lonely feeling like nobody would understand how my brain works even if i tried to explain it to them#idk how to tag this but i hope anybody else can relate#actually neurodivergent#actually neurodiverse#adhd#actually adhd#ocd#mental illness#mentally ill#neurodivergent#👁🗨#🌀
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Nico saying that Lewis gives his daughters boxes of presents every Christmas just got caught in my mind.
Imagine you were a mixed race boy born in Hertfordshire, different from everyone else around you. Bullied in school, being raised by your father to compete in a sport where money is very much of essence and you and your family do not have a lot of it. And then you meet this other boy who comes from the kind of life you dream to live one day. You're friends and fierce competitors. You find solace in each other. You visit Monaco for the first time with your friend, dreaming up the life you will have when you make it, when you beat out of the mould that the world thought it could capture you in.
And then you two grow through the ranks and you're at the pinnacle of your sport and you have what it takes to win and the world recognises that you can win. And you win. You win with your friend and fiercest competitor by your side fighting with you for those wins, and this fighting ruins something something that was valuable to both of you when you were still innocent and unsullied by life.
But despite everything that went into the doing and undoing of this relationship, you still realise that this person you once called a friend has a life and family beyond your bitter dynamic. He has children, and children need love and affection and good memories. And you're a better man now so you understand that. So you make sure the kids get gifts on Christmas. And you make sure of it every year. Afterall, if you met someone you loved deeply when you were both kids, wouldn't you feel a pang of nostalgia when they had kids. Wouldn't you try to extend the warmth that you couldn't find for your friend to his children. Afterall, whatever happens during childhood basically remains with you forever.
#and nico's perspective of the same is just#being bullied as a child and being profoundly lonely till you find this friend who is in many ways the yardstick for performance#and even when you go through all this rancidity and the love has almost evaporated down to bare bones politeness#you know there is something that remains deep down#and so he gets your kids Christmas gifts each year#both their childhoods were sites of pain and both of them found something with each other#and lewis honours that by being a positive presence in nico's childrens' lives#albeit from a distance#and of course we're no strangers to how much Nico loves his kids#you can bet if Lewis had kids Nico would do that same#sorry this caught in my heart a little#I knew he had been giving presents for a while and I always thought of that as very beautiful but seeing it on the tl made me remember#man#love haunts you in such peculiar ways forever#brocedes#lewis hamiton#nico rosberg#f1#formula 1
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#he#sad#so sad#Regulus missing his older brother#I always imagine that whenever one of them is sad/angry/lonely or even really happy they go outside and talk to the other’s constellation#I imagine Sirius pacing up and down the street venting at the sky while passers by cross the street to avoid the clearly crazy man with the#long black hair flying around his face while he gesticulates angrily at seemingly nothing#and after he’s arrested#he look through the window in his cell and whispers his happy memories to Regulus in the hopes that he’ll keep them safe for both of them#and after Sirius goes to live with the potter’s Reggie sits on the windowsill of his bedroom#he looks up at the sky with tears rolling down his face just asking#why#why why#over and over again#or maybe don’t imagine that…#if you like your sanity#😅#regulus black#regulus#Sirius#fanart#marauders#my art#sirius black#julesart.04
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If Marvel has a heart the series will end with Mobius and Loki driving together a jet ski, laughing and teasing each other but clearly in love, and then the camera will move to Sylvie, watching from a distance, someone next to her we don't see yet.
And she tells them, "You see? I wasn't lying"
And the camera shows this other person and it's our Thor (audience goes OMG), teared up but with a smile on his face saying, "You weren't. He really is happy"
#lokius#loki#and obviously you realize that loki and Mobius have built a life together#maybe Sylvie even say something about how disgustingly in love they are#and she is secretly happy about it#but feels also lonely#and Thor senses this and invites her to go with him#'you're my sister after all'#and they go off to save the universe#while Loki and Mobius get their happy ending
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if he says he’s into you but still interacts with other girls he’s not interested don’t fall for the lie
#AHHHHHH why are men so scuzzy#like fuck the dating aspect#common fucking courtesy when you’re even talking to someone#your attention shouldn’t be directed towards anywayone else#because why the fuck are you even in a relationship or talking to someone if you’re just gonna fuck around anyway#like homeboy#it’s so fucking slimey#all while shit talking people who do this sort of thing#and i hate the fucking ‘I’m lonely’ excuse#like holy fucking shit cry about yourself a little more#what i get to sit twirling my thumbs waiting and you can do whatever the fuck you want#because you’re LONELY#and then to be like ‘i felt like a creep if i was spamming your photos part gets me the most#CUZ HOMEBOY WAS DOIN IT TO EVERYONE ELSE#no I know why people mistook him for being interested#homeboy simply cant stop thinking with his dick#sucks2suck#good luck finding someone better that’ll put up with your bullshit
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i saw the hollow/puppet reader request, and i thought about how cool it would be to have that + Nanook floating limbs (honkai star rail)
and then i thought about how if it were me, i’d end up shoving things through/in the hollow limbs as a fidget and like, no self control
THEN i imagined everyone else just panicking because im literally shoving items through my limbs and *oh my god what if it gets stuck?! what if you break something!* and *OH MY ARCHONS PLEASE STOP SHOVING THINGS INTO YOUR TORSO SO YOU RATTLE LIKE A MARACA!!*
anyways,,, just thought i’d share these lovely thoughts with someone
hang on i have to google something... yeah this is hilarious!!
Foul Legacy thinks that you're brilliant- he's seen Childe hauling supplies on his back and under his arms far too many times, so having extra storage seems like a wonderful idea!! he loves the rattling sound as well, nudging you cheerfully and trying to guess what you've got stored away this time, even if it concerns everyone else. to be fair to them, Zhongli has had to help you remove a chunk of crystal lodged in your arm more than a few times, despite him gently reminding you not to store items in your limbs. but Legacy's claws are long and nimble- anything else you get stuck up there, he can yank right out for you if need be. it doesn't hurt you much either way, since your limbs float all about, which he also absolutely adores
they make it much easier to pet Legacy and scritch behind his horns, just letting them float up instead of him having to crouch down. not that it stops him from doing that, since sometimes he just loves to be closer to your height, quite literally face-to-face. occasionally he'll nab one of your arms, biting and nuzzling it very carefully so he doesn't scratch it. the openings of your limbs are concealed by starry, shining matter, like the night sky and Legacy's wings. it's a connection between the two of you, see, both nonhumans and speckled with starlight. your eyes are bright like the sun, and Legacy's shine like crystal, an Abyssal monster and an artificial puppet so happy in each other's arms
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#sometimes you wander around without your lower arms because you felt like it#and if legacy is really lonely while you're away at any point he can keep one with him#so it can pat his head and run through his hair#he treats you so gently#you're fragile after all#short scenario#other's stuff#good evening#chit chat#anon
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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special sort of deep sad fondness for v3 tsumugi shirogane. i can't articulate this very well but she makes me feel very sad. junko is iconic and we love her but i think i like tsumugi just a little more as a mastermind for what she represents
#idk man its just. her death at the end of v3 always stuck with me#even as a kid who'd cheer at the rock falling her blank melancholy expression while waving always made my stomach twist a little#loving something so much you don't know who you are without it... such a lonely way to live#even with all her junko-posturing and grand speeches in the end she was just a sad empty kid who'd rather die than let go of danganronpa#tsumugi shirogane
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just a few doodles since its been a lil bit
#transformers#iron leaguer#topjoy#doodle#despite losing my job ive been busily starting to try studying stuff instead. and its distracting lol#and then its only been a little while but even doodling out these felt so difficult wth. had to work through it for a moment there#anyway. lil bit obsessed with wind up toy rumble n frenzy cuz i started thinkin abt old man tinkerer soundwave#with his marionette lazer beak n what have you. and thinking of the tragic lonely old man building his toy family. im fine (cries)#anyway time to forget to look for work OR draw and play stardoo update
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