#even if she doesn't play it at my show I'd be less sad about it if it was at least still on the board yknow?

[aberooski]

It's the next day and I still can't believe I've had Teardrops On My Guitar stolen from me 😭 every Debut and Fearless song lost are the BIGGEST losses for me, I can't believe I still have to survive another MONTH of this before I get to see her I'm dying 😭

[akesdraws-blog]

I love you, but I know you don't love me back

Version: 🐢TMNT 2012🐢

❀Sometimes the problem is usually that the heart does not want to admit something that the mind knows and screams with all its might.❀

Sometimes we need a little bit of a bittersweet taste, cupid doesn't always shoot his arrows at both of us, sometimes he has some missed shots.

💙 Leonardo 💙

As well as a great leader, Leo is also an incredible gentleman.

But he never expected that such chivalry would cause a greater emotion than just kindness.

He will quickly notice some behaviors that were familiar from things he even did.

• Showing off for him

• The attention

• Overprotection

• Taking his side even if it was wrong

Attitudes like this did not go unnoticed.So don't expect a big stage or a rodeo.

He will be direct and just like a bandage on the skin, he will tear it off in one movement.

“If I'm misunderstanding, I apologize, but otherwise, I'd like to set the record straight, I'm only attracted to one person, and she's an amazing kunoichi, not just in combat, but also in my heart.”

That's right, don't expect anything more.

Make things clear and try not to be so rude.

He still hopes that they can remain friends despite everything.

He will accompany you home, and say goodbye as they always have.

But even if you close the window, he will stay in the shadows, listening to the soft sound of your sobbing.

He will hurt deep in your heart, he knows it, but he also knows it is for the best.

If your heart understands the pain sooner, it will take less time to heal.

~“The rain falls because the clouds can no longer support the weight. Tears fall because the heart can no longer bear the pain.”~

💜 Donatello 💜

Our silly genius is always making a new invention for his brothers and his friends.

After all that's your best way to show that someone cares.

Although it is no secret to anyone that Donnie is in love with April.

However, since what happened with Bigfoot, let's say that he now understands more things quickly.

But just as he doesn't usually reciprocate, he understands what you feel.

He may explain everything while you are helping him with an invention or while you play a video game.

“I... Don't take this the wrong way but... You know how I feel about April... And you know how she feels about me... I just want to say... I feel the same about you, as I do, what April feels for me... It sounds weird, I know, but... I hope you understand."

He doesn't try to be rude, he tries to be nice but he gets quite nervous.

He doesn't want his friendship to go down the drain, so if you don't say anything he might get a little chatty.

If you tell him that she's fine and that you just need a moment alone, he'll give it to you.He knows you have to process it.

He will still send you some message, just to know that everything is okay.

He will understand even if you don't appear in the sewer for a while, he will give you the space you need.

~“Love is not blind. Blind are those who run after those who do not love them.”~

~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~•°~

We arrive with something a little sad, because sometimes we also need a dose of slight sadness. (I apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes) In case you missed it: Mikey/Raph

Tags:

@turtle-babe83. @dilucsflame33. @thelaundrybitch. @scholastic-dragon. @leosgirl82. @tmnt-tychou . @little-bunny-in-space . @happymoonangel. @lazyafgurl. @kikithedreamerwriter. @androidships007.

[superkooku]

I see it as a personal theory but it saddens me that Maomao's parents didn't really love eachother but instead wanted something to gain from it, both resulting terribly for them.

In worse it had an impact on their own child, with her not really being showing emotions, especially viewing love in a negative light. Not to blame her growing up in a environment where women are mere objects for men to desire.

That's a sad but interesting take. And honestly, it's pretty realist too considering Maomao's life isn't a fairytale. Though I see it in a different way. A different taste of tragedy.

(rant incoming)

To me, Lakan and Fengxian made some form of bond, at least friends with benefits.

We see Lakan's POV. Him literally crying and going towards Fengxian even if she's sick proves that he loved her. She's the only one (with Maomao) whose face he can see, her playing partner in go and shogi (they share hobbies, which is a great way to create bonds imo).

We see him running in the rain, begging to see her, his desperation when he sees the letters and the fingers. It's pretty clear to me he loves her.

It's more ambiguous on Fengxian's side, as we don't get her inner monologue, but she seems to have missed him too. Though their reunion is shown through rose-tinted glasses, as she never recovered from syphilis in reality. Just Lakan's imagination.

So I'd have less trouble believing she didn't fully love him but I think he's pretty much smitten (I'll watch the series again soon, to refresh my memories).

They're also a parallel to the couple from episode 4, the concubine who faked her (mental) illness to go with the man she loved, trapped in a world where she'd only be a pretty object.

Though I agree with the fact that both had something to gain, especially in the beginning, and as the feelings changed, none of them were able to communicate correctly.

Fengxian was known to be a very proud woman after all. And Lakan likes strategy and twisted games. So they're both terrible at communication and then he's sent in foreign land and she's pregnant. It's too late.

I completely agree about what you said on Maomao, though. The environment she grew up in, especially before Luomen picked her up, was terrible for a child.

She ended up very reserved, taking any emotional display as putting too much attention on herself, something detrimental.

Because of her upbringing, she refuses to be sold by the madam because she knows what to expect. She still has nightmares of her mother cutting her fingers, puts fake freckles to seem uglier. She knows how dirty men can be, she saw lust, STDs, assassination attempts, poverty.

What an awful childhood.

And I COMPLETELY understand why someone like Jinshi makes her uncomfortable. She doesn't like the attention and just wants to live quietly with her passion as an apothecary. And he's clingy as hell, like in that honey scene.

I firmly believe that if he learns to leave her alone, she'll warm up to him faster, because she won't associate him with lecherous men anymore.

It's fortunate Maomao had Luomen as a positive father figure and Meimei/Pairin/Joka as "motherly sisters". She wasn't alone in this terrible world.

[i-love-your-shades-of-wrong]

you want complex characters? here's Gale.

I am fully convinced that people only hate Gale bc it's Liam Hemsworth and because they think he's annoying - and yeah, it's true, he IS annoying, but to like president snow more than him? (its pretty privilege)

Most people know by now that the love triangle in thg is for metaphorical purposes - the choice between peace and war. And it's not even a choice as a reader - there is quite literally no chemistry between gale and katniss (in my opinion). But that doesn't merit hatred for the character himself.

He grows up in the seam, poor and being the breadwinner for his siblings. (how sad) We're supposed to disagree with his motives by the end of it - he shouldn't want to get revenge because that makes him as bad as the capitol (yada yada yada). And Peeta is in the right because he wants to show mercy. (peace vs war)

But Peeta grows up as the bakers son. Has he ever gone hungry? No. Are we meant to feel bad for him because of his mum? idk. His name was in the bowl far, far less times. Does that make it any better? No, because he's picked (and this is meant to be about how the system is awful... you get it). But Peeta doesn't grow up hating the capitol because they don't hurt him... until the games.

Is this an attack on Peeta? No, of course not, but circumstances are important as the actions taken within them (situation ethics). Peeta goes into the games and you'd think his outlook on life changes, but it doesn't. Some people have stronger cores - a lifetime of security within yourself does that.

Peeta goes into the games again, Gale saves the citizens of 12 in the bombing. Peeta's kidnapped. And Gale says this:

"He might have been tortured. Or persuaded. My guess is he made some kind of deal to protect you. He'd put forth the idea of the cease- fire if Snow let him present you as a confused pregnant girl who had no idea what was going on when she was taken prisoner by the rebels. This way, if the districts lose, there's still a chance of leniency for you. If you play it right." I must still look perplexed because Gale delivers the next line very slowly. "Katniss…he's still trying to keep you alive."

So, he's annoying, but is he a liar? No. He's ever the strategist, thinking of things from the logical point of view. (really grasping for straws but I need a pro and less cons😭)

People really hated Gale for bombs - killing innocent people that just want to help the fallen? (ohno how sad). But are capitol citizens ever really innocent? Bystanders that simply allow children to be murdered year after year? The idea that they simply have no idea of the harm being caused is ludicrous. Do they not have critical thinking skills? No matter what happens in life, you KNOW murder is wrong. No matter what propaganda media shows you.

(also Beetee helped make those bombs too like gale was annoying but stop giving him full credit like if I was beetee I'd be pissed)

So, that comes to the idea that killing people as a whole is unethical, and it doesn't matter that they're awful people. Is that untrue? No. Is it far to those that have been oppressed their entire lives, being told that using force against their oppressors is wrong? Maybe. It's not an easy issue to resolve (kinda explains the metaphor, doesn't it?)

Neoliberalism probably wants you to blame the individuals. Coin, Gale, Snow. Coin and Snow were two sides of the same coin (ooh pun) - politicians, adults, playing for their own power. Is it wrong to enjoy power? No, of course not, just don't abuse it. Gale enjoyed power. But he was fighting for the freedom of the country, not himself. And he's only 19/20. You're a lot angrier when you're younger, as many adults forget.

The system is the real problem, clearly. Why should the capitol have all the power? Why are the districts being used? We don't know. But that's unimportant.

And then there's Katniss. She's the one making the decision - peace or war. On paper, its peace anyday. Katniss has seen both Peeta and Gale's hardships - Gale is a metaphor for who she could have been. Bitter, angry and hateful. It's not unjustified hatred but under Kantian ethics, murder is always wrong. Katniss does not want to retaliate because it's a vicious cycle of violence.

As far as we know, the capitol don't really pay for all they do. I know if I was a district citizen who suffered, I'd want capitol citizens to feel the same way. That is not to say that it is ethical, but it is not unjustified.

It would be more of a fair argument if Peeta and Gale suffered equally, but can you really quantify suffering. Their experiences shape them. Its easier for Peeta to want mercy for the capitol because he wasn't starved his whole life. And Peeta's stance is the right one.

But see, that's why we say complex character and not good person. Because the decisions aren't malicious in intent, just with clashing personal values to the norm. Like, bffr, half the people online hating on this guy would NOT have stood for mercy for the capitol.

(anyway have a nice day this was my ethics essay plan and I'd better get a 9 on it or else <333)

[kranagok0]

Oh boy, this Is a complete love square....

Guys, I don't know what I have about polyamorous romances but it's like a strange feeling of 'look at that, no one is sad and everyone loves each other.'

That just crossed my mind when I saw the new member of the trio of strange friends (now it's a quartet).

Louise is a breath of fresh air among the extroverts that make up the group.

Louise is practically an introvert. Someone closed who was even the last to be chosen on the boat trip (if we leave aside the trio of protagonists). Louise mentions that she has been in the Sparrow Scouts for some time now but has made almost no friends (or so I think).

I understand what it's like to be an introvert, more or less. I am the type of person who acts with a lot of concern, nervousness and gets serious so as not to say something stupid the first time they meet him... However, when I gain the necessary confidence I transform into someone different. I go from being 'a mouse thinking carefully about its next move' to becoming 'a monkey with a shotgun'. I hope I'm not the only one to have that strange way of being....

My life aside, I'd say Louise is kind of like that too. At first she tries to fit in by being normal with the team, but then she begins to get to know them and identify what things the trio of friends think are right or wrong and that is when Louise begins to show more of her personality. It emerges from the cocoon like a butterfly to show its true colors.

And in short: it is perfect for the trio of friends. It's so weird and different that I feel like it's necessary for the group, and I'm speaking in a positive way when I say weird. A good time.Now the main topic..... Romance.

I've seen a lot of Frida X David, Hilda X Frida, David X Frida fanfics and blogs, there's literally everything. But with the arrival of Louise the combinations are doubled. Now it could be Louise X David, Louise X Hilda, Louise

*Music from a 80's TV game show plays*

Hello ladies, gentlemen and other magical creatures who visualize us! I want to welcome you to this little head-canon idea I had of what each character in the trio of friends would be like if they were Louise's partner!

To do this, we will see the qualities of each suitor and what their dynamic with the character would be like:

Let's start with the one who represents better than anyone the shyness and courage that exists within us, he died twice to try to demonstrate it. Here we have David.

David may be a scary guy, but he will definitely come to save you if you are in danger. This kid would literally show what he's made of on a battlefield if he feels like he needs to prove something.... Don't tell me no, we've all seen the Vikings episode.

Our next contestant is not only smart in school but also in witchcraft. If you ask him about a certain topic, rest assured that when he finishes his talk you will at least have knowledge of the entire topic and its related subtopics. She is willing to do anything for her friends, she would even open a portal to the unknown and create non-existent spells just for you. Let's give a big, fervent wave of applause to the young city witch: FRIDA!

Frida may have been a bit of a perfectionist in the past, but after meeting Hilda and experiencing several events she went from being miss perfect to becoming the smartest friend you can count on. To be honest, sometimes Frida can be a bit boring, but that doesn't stop her from reaching your heart by showing great gifts of her intellect and the magic she possesses means that any topic can arise from a conversation. So, if by 'boring' we mean a lot of context and extremely long topics that she explains to you with excitement and great happiness, then boring is pretty good.

Finally we have the icing on the cake, or in this case the blueberry. Coming from the wild and with more extroverted energy than any of the other candidates mentioned above, we have a young woman with blue hair as long as she could grow it (I don't doubt that she would have let it grow longer if it didn't bother her in her adventures). This girl can literally make friends with almost anything and her circle of friends is huge, ranging from elf scribes to giants who are no longer on this planet. She would be the one to always take the first step in battle with her sword if I see it necessary and— Wait, where did he get that sword?

With you, Hilda!

Seriously, where do I get it from?

Hilda is by far the most outgoing and curious person I have ever seen. Don't you remember what Tofoten was triggered by his curiosity? Dude, it was literally the end of the series. And if you hadn't already noticed, this girl would fight barehanded against a king to save her loved ones. She would be the first to take up weapons to save her friends, she is capable of moving every rock in the entire city to find her pet, she is even capable of doing an act of terrorism just because the bells were bothering her friends.

Oh my god, I'd be afraid of this girl if I were someone who played some practical joke on David in the past or something. I would be locked up at home for what might happen to me. Better confinement than meeting Hilda on the street and having her recognize me.

So.... In a little while we will see Louise's possible choices about who she would like to be with, why I think they would be a good couple and also about what their relationship would be like. And it wouldn't just be from my point of view. Indeed, dear reader, you can also have your opinion. Comment what you think a relationship between Louise and any of our favorite trio of friends would be like.I retire to write incorrect quotes and more about this romance because I am burning with emotion. See you later

[chaifootsteps]

Armchair Psychology Anon here (not a real psych just see patterns)

I've been lurking around in that Discord server and just read the ask about how Stolas is Viv. How she pays a lot of money to see Broadway stars then keeps getting closer and closer to them. How she wants to take them away and talk to them about "her books" (her ideas and projects)

Perhaps Stolas as a child is actually her most vulnerable thoughts and feelings about herself. A lonely, sad rich kid who didn't have many or any, true friends outside of her relatives.

That... that might be true. Even if Viv is writing that subconsciously, what does Stolas say to keep Blitz around the first time?

"The one who wants me, is my first ever friend!"

Remember how I speculated that Viv is incapable of maintaining real friendships with people? That she has to lovebomb them over and over until she doesn't have to keep trying anymore?

It's actually really sad the deeper you dig into the shows psyche.

I've also been watching more interviews with Brandon, and Blitz is basically Brandon. (Seeing Stars literally just confirms Blitz is an impsona of himself). He also says "Imps are the lowest of the low but he's really trying to make something out of himself." Which Brandon said he relates to a lot (See his Class Acts poster).

Brandon also looks a lot happier at this anime con they're at right now because... could it be because Vivs not around?

If Stolas is Viv's self insert (especially since she goes out of her way to like tweets saying Blitz is the one who could've stopped at any time, and Stolas is the victim), and there's jokes about her having dick envy, as well as her blatant fetishisizing of gay male relationships...

Chai, I really think Blitz x Stolas is her way of Brandon x Viv.

It's possible she also sees herself as Ozzie, and guess who plays Fizz? As well as Adam, and Pen?

(Less evidence for that, but Ozzie is also rich and powerful).

I know she knows Brandon is gay. Obviously. But... she created a rich, sad, powerful male character to be hopelessly in love with someone who clearly is uncomfortable with him. And they obivously butted heads about it. Brandon certainly seemed uncomfortable at the anime panel where she was saying, "They'd make a cute couple..."

And maybe she's not attracted to Brandon necessarily, but obviously maybe wants to be a man in a gay relationship. But she is transphobic of transmen, so she'll never become what she hates.

I dunno Chai, it just keeps getting weirder and weirder the deeper you go....

I also think the lovebombing of Blake as of late is really creepy too. Especially the "cum" comment.

It feels like a grooming tactic. Older adults saying and slipping little "jokes" here and there to make the victim used to it... not mention the song is about "choking and dying of poison" at the hands of Angel's abusive rapist pimp.

Viv... she's very troubled. I feel very bad for Blake and Brandon as of late.

Michael and Ashley and others really dodged a bullet. Goose seems to be keeping Viv at a distance as well. I'm sure Goose knows everything M&A went through and it's a delicate situation for sure.

Armchair Psychology Anon, know that I'd happily watch a 12 hour, muti-part series centered around your Viv analyses. I really would.

[geniemillies]

Yearning For Spring | Ch. 5 | Tamlin x Oc

— Chapter 5 - Daydreams

Ch. Warnings: the usual KoH warnings

A/n: A twinge of Hybern worldbuilding mayhaps?

<<Ch.1 <<Ch.4 ___ Ch.6>>

Decades continue to pass. Then more still after I brought Velaria to Hybern.

She stayed with me though it wasn't her choice at first.. Despite all the reasons pointing for her to return home, she didn’t. She stood strong beside me, a pillar of unwavering support that kept me going when the world seemed ready to tear me apart. 

Words couldn't begin to explain how eternally grateful I am for her. Because if it wasn't for her staying I would've broke long ago.

With her insistence, I faltered and showed her everything. I realised early on that if she were to trust me I needed to be open with her and hide no secrets. So I showed her everything. I showed her the dying lands of Hybern and the territories that toiled away for the King's gain. Even going as far as taking her to the heart of my Father's Court, skillfully glamoured as my own servant, so she could see first hand the crown that controlled the island. And.. in time, I showed her the plans I'd been brewing underground. I took her to the Sidhe where centuries of my schemes accumulated, where I hid thousands of dissenters that I had supposedly captured and killed, all of them working hard to mold and shape a rebellion in my name.

A secret haven under the earth warded with magic I still don't understand to this day. Father doesn't seem to know about it's existence. The magic down there is.. erratic, seemingly ancient. While the rest of Hybern's lands are desolate and lifeless, the Sidhe is the opposite. Grass grows lushly underground and the water is pure, which is why the place is perfect for hiding the rebellion. I've long stopped questioning as to why the place is so strange and different. I've tried to search in history on the matter but I've been unsuccessful. Libraries are a rarity in Hybern and most books and tomes on history are hidden in the palace's forbidden libraries which none can enter. Not even me.

Despite the risk of trusting in magic I don't comprehend, the wards have held steadfast for centuries and many of the dark spells I've learned are weakened when used there if not entirely repelled, offering me a glimmer of hope that if my father ever discovers this sanctuary, his dark magic cannot hurt us so easily

To put it simply, it is a strange place. Nevertheless, the Sidhe is a safe haven, home to all the mercies I’ve spared, all the flaws in me that Father deeply abhorred. A second home to me besides the Lighthouse.

To say Velaria was stunned at every revelation I showed her was an understatement. As expected, she had always believed that Hybern was isolated by choice, convinced that the people of my land were pure evil, constantly scheming especially after we suffered losses in the War. It is.. a good thing that I could dispel such sinister perceptions of my people.

There was a kind of wonder in her eyes whenever I played with the children at the Lighthouse or when I showed her around the Sidhe. She told me I was.. a triumph. A flower amidst hellscape. And that I didn't deserve the life I was born into.

But she didn't pity me... I think. More often than not I see admiration in her eyes when she looks at me. 

Velaria showed me friendship like I've never experienced. I used to think I had many friends. But most of them are children who think of me as a maternal figure so Velaria deemed that they don't count, leaving me with.. less friends than I would've thought. Which is sad, sure, but Hybern isn't exactly the place to make long-lasting friends. Or any at all...

Velaria was someone I could confide in about problems greater than the occasional headache and sleeplessness I share with the children or the frustrations that come with planning military tactics with my lieutenants. She was someone I could trust to show the blight infesting my arms and the deeper burdens Father inflicts upon me.

Before her.. I never really had anyone to talk to about my troubles. My cousins, Brannagh and Dagdan, weren’t spared from Father’s ‘love’ either so one would assume they would understand what it feels like to be constantly tormented by the King. But they've grown to keep only to themselves in fear that we might read each other’s ill thoughts about him. I’d never read their thoughts lest they ask. But I understand their fears. I’ve become unmovable by Father’s side. I’ve become his most loyal pawn, his most blood-stained sword. Everyone believes so. I’ve worked hard to earn that reputation and I should be glad that I have it.

Still, I never expected it’d create such mistrust between me and my cousins that they too, would begin to fear me. That they’d think I’d ever sell their thoughts to the King in exchange for his praise. They couldn't know how often I let my gaze linger on them, searching for them in every corner of the room, desperate to ensure they were alright. Even when I was willing to take their punishments, to do anything to spare them from the wrath of the King when they did something that didn't please him, they still couldn't bring themselves to open up to me. 

I regret not attempting harder to alleviate their fears and suspicions. I should have divulged my plans and brought them into the fold of the rebellion.. But I’m ashamed to admit that I was also wary of them, that I was not spared the mistrust and fear that brewed between us daemati children. I kept my walls high and showed them only what they needed to see from me, in fear that they might find my secrets and sell me out.

By the time the rebellion was growing in number, they were already untrusting and I didn’t know how to approach them, to ask them to join me when I also couldn’t penetrate their minds. And I had no way of knowing that they wouldn't stray and betray me. I let the seeds of doubt fester too far that I deemed my only family a potential enemy. 

If I hadn't, maybe I could've protected them better. Now they're but mindless husks of their former selves, their souls beyond reach and their memories hazy and fleeting, like wisps of smoke that slip through my fingers every time I touch them. It only took one more torturous experiment to shatter them completely, for another failure on a task that Father was not happy with.

And I watched. Watched as the last spark of their souls left their bodies. What replaced it was dark magic I couldn't understand, merged into one sinister.. thing for Father to keep and shape into whatever twisted image of perfection he liked. Until they are just like him. Just as strong and cruel and… unfeeling. Obedient puppets.

Now they will not even speak to me unless necessary. They do not spare me a glance unless it's to prod into my memories. I know they're long gone at this point. Yet, my heart still aches for the days when Brannagh would reach out for my arm for support during her moments of weakness or when I would correct Dagdan's stance when we spar. Even when they push me away I cannot help but hope that there is a way to bring them back.. once this.. is all over.

And we'd all be free from him. Some day.

Velaria knows of it all. All my yearning, all my dreams and schemes. The weight of an entire country on my shoulders feels a little lighter when I share the burden with her. Velaria is the first friend I've ever made with whom I felt like I could speak freely without planning my words or worrying about keeping my mental shields up. Velaria is the first friend who made me feel like I could truly be myself without consequence, damn the masks and the glamoured hair, the titles and expectations that I long thought would be part of my existence forever.

Velaria feels like the tranquillity of a peaceful night's rest. And when she speaks about the city she's named after she's infectious with her dreams. We sit on the highest spot of the Lighthouse tower, overlooking the endless sea, our feet dangling over the edge while she tells me stories of Prythian. The more she does, the more I find myself yearning to see a glimpse of what a world like that looks like.

A world where the fog doesn't hide the light of the sun or the heaven's brilliant blue. A world where people don't live with golden shackles etched onto their wrists.. 

I long to see what living looked like. Even for just a moment..

|| Present ||

More decades passed still.

Then some more. But I never let go of the green handkerchief. It is with me now, tied around my wrist as the ashened curse continues to grow up my arm, like the roots of an ill-fated tree. The King planted it on the earth of my body and ever since.. it continued to fester. He calls upon me in his towers to this day, though not as frequently as he did when I was a child, he still does, and it still... hurts.

“Any side effects from this one?” Father asked, his voice cold and detached as I knelt on the cold stone floor, limp and tired, my vision blurred, pipes filled with bright liquid attached to my skin.

I shake my head, swallowing the lump in my throat as I gather my voice to speak. “It stings around the fingertips... I feel the power... crawling up my arm..” And it was. It was festering more and more and all he did was observe it like a child observing a toy work. "It burns.."

“Has your powers improved of late?” He asks as he paces around the room, a book hovering above his palm.

“I've been... using them on soldiers in training, prying out information. As you've instructed.”

“Any anomalies?”

“No..”

Father had amplified my daemati powers to an unprecedented, almost unrecognizable degree. While I could still read minds and feel the barriers of mental shields, he had altered- no, improved my powers of the mind into something different. My control over the mind can now be invoked through touch, hence the black that's tainting my arms. A perversion. Blasphemy. The Mother would churn at the sight of what I've been made into. 

Hours, days, and years I've spent on this tower while he worked to mold my powers to suit his twisted desires. I could now invade a person's emotions, thoughts, and memories through touch - without the need to break down their mental defenses.

This power isn't limited to just living things, I soon found out. When my fingers clung and clawed the stone-cold floor, I could hear the echoing screams of those who had endured torturous experiments before me. When I touched a piece of parchment, I could hear the faint whispers of the author who had written the words upon it. My senses were assaulted by a barrage of sounds and emotions, both past and present, with just a touch. To say that it drove me insane doesn't do justice to the reality. I hear everything, feel everything– so I hid the black that tainted my arms with gloves, only letting them disintegrate when I have need for my bare hands. For my own sanity.

A gift, he calls it. His gift. 

It's anything but. It’s a fucking curse.

He takes special pride in making me into what I am. He calls me a clairtangent, a.. one of a kind. His special tool. Yet, my enhanced abilities remained unstable, far from perfected. Which is why I often concealed my hands, why he continues to experiment on me, better me. I've long forgotten what my hands feel like without ancient spells forced into them. I look at them now and they're black, darker than the night sky, and infused with magic unknown to me. 

My own body is unknown to me most times. And it frightens me. More often than I’d want to admit. I’m scared of voices, of seeing things that don't belong to me. So much so that I can’t sleep because of it. They come back, the voices, my own and others, haunting me, never giving me a moment's peace. Which is why I have Manann brew me wakingdew elixir, to force my eyes open for a long time. A really.. long time.

Velaria tends to me and the wounds inflicted upon me during experimentation, away from the younger children's prying eyes. I do not wish for them to see me in such a pathetic state.. not when they look up to me.

She often tells me stories of her childhood, of her city, Velaris, the one she's named after. City of Dreams. Fitting, for someone who has many aspirations that fuel her very will to fight to see them fulfilled. She braids my hair and tells me all about the Night Court and how she wishes she could take me one day to see Starfall. I could only close my eyes and imagine what it'd look like and dream that one day... I might see it with her.

She braids my hair slowly, willing me to sleep with her stories but she already knows I do not sleep. I cannot. Not when nightmares await me on the other side of consciousness. So I sip my elixir quietly as she tells her stories, her voice proving to be just as soothing as any sleep one could take.

She tells me of Prythian, the neighboring island that I know so little of. She tells me of the Day Court, with its splendid cities and towering libraries. She tells me of the Dawn Court which she has not visited much. She said that I remind her of Dawn warriors, peregrines, with their big feathered wings, though colorful unlike mine. She tells me of the Winter Court, so bright in the morning that the light reflects the snow and blinds you. She tells me of Autumn Court, with their forests lush and orange, and in her words: “Smells like fresh afternoon rain.” She tells me of the Summer Court with its clear beaches and sandy shores. She tells me that she finds it funny that despite me living on an island, on a Lighthouse just above cliffed coasts, I do not know how to swim. And she threatens that if we ever get the chance she'd take me to Summer and throw me in the ocean to teach me how.

“Tell me about Spring..” I ask her and I feel her pause to think.

Velaria does not know that I'm mated to Tamlin. No one knows. It is the one thing I’ve kept from her. A secret that solely belongs to me.

She hums as she strokes my hair with a brush. “Spring is.. nice.” She said, “Full of.. flowers.. Lush green forests, pretty meadows. Lots of bugs though.” She chuckles. “I don't know much about the Court. But Tamlin is.. nice.” She looks down and I couldn't see her face on the mirror before me.

“He used to be friends with my brother. Though.. after everything that happened, I’d assume not any more of course.”

“Were you friends with him?”

“We spent time together when he was allowed to leave his Court to visit ours, sure. But it was Rhys who was close to Tamlin. Sometimes, he'd tell me about how he'd visit Spring without the High Lord knowing..”

“What is he like?”

Velaria thought for a while, perhaps confused. It’s the first time I'm asking her about a person and not a place.

“He's.. kind. Way kinder than his older brothers. Way kinder than his father. From what I've been told he's a great fighter. Rhys would always talk about wanting to spar with him. That is why Tamlin knew of the Illyrian camps. Rhys would take him once or twice.”

“Do you have anger towards him?” I ask. 

“I did. But now.. now I'm just conflicted..” She sighs. “You showed me what happened that night. While his father was cruel, he didn’t expect them to go so far as to actually.. kill my family. He protected me from his brothers. He begged you to take me away..”

“He did.”

“But my parents are dead either way.”

“Do you have anger towards him..?” I repeat the question. 

She looked at me through the mirror, a frown on her face. 

“I have no anger for anyone, maybe save for your father, Niamh.” She said, “Anger won’t change what happened, won't bring back the dead. And it wasn’t Tamlin’s hands that forced a blade to take my mother’s head and wings. On the contrary. It was Tamlin’s hands that trembled as he cradled my body and whispered his regrets, his apologies.”

Velaria sighs, a look of contemplation on her face while she continues to braid my hair. “And begged for you to take me to safety.”

“He killed your father.”

“And my brother killed his mother. They both suffered tragedies and let their anger and vengeance control them in those final moments before they ascended to their thrones, I have no doubt.”

“Which is a pity.” Vel looked down. “They were.. such good friends before. Rhys planned to reveal Velaris to Tamlin at one point, to show him the escape he deserved from his cruel home. Which meant he really trusted him. He must’ve felt so betrayed. I cannot imagine what went on that night you took me to Hybern, to avoid.. all that.”

She paused and tilted her head to fully look at me on the reflection. “You never really told me.. what would've happened if you stayed in Spring. If you had agreed to take on my Father's wrath. If you.. had finished the experiment they laid out for you.”

I paused for a moment to think, my hands unconsciously fidgeting. “I showed you the northern territories, didn't I?”

Velaria nods. “Yes. It's a wasteland. Nothing is left besides those who'd dare to live there.”

“Before my growing rebellion, that place used to be home to a secret league that planned to stand against the King. The villages were all in on it. Father found out and had them snuffed out.”

“Let me guess, he had you do it?”

“Yes. But I refused. Because I couldn't bring myself to wipe out an entire territory. I was still in my youth. Recklessly believing that I could defy him without being smart about it...”

My gaze falls to my hands free of their gloves. I still remember every second of that night.

“You had no choice..”

“I had no choice because he took control of my body and made me do it. When I gained back control, the territories were leveled into nothing. Just.. a huge chunk of land flattened because of what he made me unleash.”

“Niamh..” I felt her hands gripping my shoulders, their grasp firm yet comforting, like an anchor preventing me from being swept away into the currents of those memories.

“He told me that is what I should aspire to become. And that one day he will get rid of all the flaws in me that came in the way of that monster. For years he's been molding me so that I might summon that kind of power at will, without him forcing it out of me.”

“And for years, I've been suppressing it. Willing it to stay hidden. I never want to go through that again.” I never want to wake up like that again. My entire body was the same shade as the scarlet moon above me. I smelled death at every turn when he let go of my consciousness. And even when I cried and vomited on the floor of the earth, I still couldn't believe that my hands had done such atrocities.

I don't sleep just because of it. In fear that I'd open my eyes to that ever again.

“He agreed to send me to Spring in hopes that I'd be able to unleash that power. Lord Callan was curious to see it for himself and Father finally allowed himself to indulge him. Sending me like that... I don't know if I would've been successful in killing your Father. But I would've leveled Spring into nothing.”

My voice was reduced to whispers as I continued, “And I would have regretted it all my life...”

Velaria tenderly rubs my arms, attempting to soothe me. Her chin rests upon my shoulder, her gaze locked onto our reflections in the mirror, her eyes betraying a silent apology for ever bringing up the topic. I shake my head softly, offering a smile in response—letting her know silenty that none of my misfortunes were her fault..

“I cannot fault Tamlin for what happened. I know..” She mutters. “I know now how hard it is to have your life be in someone else’s control. To never be able to disobey their orders, to exist solely as a puppet, dancing to the whims of a controlling figure, even when that figure is your own father.”

She leaned back, gently resuming the braid she had momentarily stopped working on, her slender fingers deftly weaving my hair. “You two are similar in that regard.” She says, and I stop breathing for a second.

“Besides... the horrors of that night led me to meet you... So, it’s not that much of a loss, is it?”

“That is.. not a very good conclusion, Vel.”

“Meeting you is a very good conclusion. And knowing about your father's schemes to steal the Cauldron to break the wall and invade is very much.. a needed revelation to me. I told you my reasons before.”

“I know..”

“So don’t ever say that meeting you was a mistake or a waste of time. I’ll miss my parents dearly, Niamh. But I’ll forever thank the Mother for granting me a sister not a second after.”

My heart warmed at her words. “You hated me at first, I’ll remind you.”

Velaria grins. “No person could hate you. Not for long.”

“Amarantha would beg to differ.”

“I said person. People. Not the fucking she-devil herself.”

I laugh at that.

“I guess I have Tamlin to thank for handing me to you..” 

A warm smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. “Perhaps I ought to as well..”

There are many things I wish to tell him. So many. And yet, when I imagine him standing in front of me, words elude me. Not even a simple "hello" can find its way past my lips.

I looked to the side, remaining silent as I pondered. He must be struggling. Amarantha breathes in his neck, cornering him into submission. And yet, from what I hear, he does not falter, he does not submit to her. For that, I commend him. Admire him, even if it's from far away.

“You seem interested in him.” Velaria comments.

“I just wanted to hear your thoughts on him. He is the reason why we are where we are now..”

She hums. “He is. But you.. you look especially worried.”

I paused for a moment, finding the words to say. “You know I knew him. Way before all this. His father was allied to mine, they shared the same burning hatred for mortals. They'd attend Hybern balls and meetings. I'd see him by his father's side, tormented by his siblings, harassed by Amarantha way before she took over Prythian.”

I inhaled. “He was just a boy.”

“And that wicked female torments him still. I cannot stand it..” I mutter. “I can't even reach out to him, to comfort him and assure him that you're safe, that I've lived up to my promise. If he.. If he even remembers..” Does he even remember me?

“I'm sure he does..” Velaria reassures me, gently stroking the ends of my hair.

“And one day, when this is all over... I am sure to thank him and mention you. That by saving me, he has also given me a sister—one who is strong, kind, sweet.." She pulls back a strand of silver hair behind my ear. "–..and most beautiful.”

“When this is all over..” I close my eyes. “It is an optimistic thought.” A smile creeps on my face, a bittersweet one.

“It will be over, Niamh. And once it does.. You'll be free and I'll get to fulfill my promise and show you everything Prythian has to offer.”

“I will be counting the days, Vel..” I smiled as I felt her finish the braid, tying it with the green handkerchief Tamlin had given me.

Until then.. I will hold on to my daydreams, my small moments of joy.

     — —

A/n: They're honestly is so wholesome, can't wait to expand on them. Oh, the plans I have for Velaria 👁-👁.. Also, I will be doing more Hybern building, I'm really enjoying making up stuff for the place 👉👈

[princesssarisa]

Reasons why the original "Little Shop of Horrors" ending flopped

I've been thinking of the various possible reasons why test audiences reacted badly to the original ending of the film version of Little Shop of Horrors. Off-Broadway audiences hadn't objected to the end of the stage version, where Audrey and Seymour are eaten and Audrey II wins in the end. So why exactly did the movie's test audiences find that ending so upsetting, forcing a new, happier ending to be shot?

Frank Oz has always cited two big differences between theatre and film as the main cause:

*Film has close-ups. They make the audience engage more closely with the characters' emotions than they do in live theatre, so we care more about Seymour and Audrey.

*At the end of a live theatre performance, the actors come out for a curtain call. That's an immediate reminder that they didn't really die. Whereas in a movie, while rationally we all know it's just a performance, it feels like they're really dead.

Here are some further arguments I've read in various places:

*Orin and Mr. Mushnik's deaths are rewritten in the film to tone down Seymour's guilt. Without the stage song "Now (It's Just the Gas)", Orin dies more quickly, without giving him much time to beg Seymour for help, and we don't hear Seymour cold-bloodedly debating whether to save him or not in his mind. Later, Mushnik holds Seymour at gunpoint and tries to blackmail him into giving him the plant in exchange for his keeping quiet about Orin's murder, while onstage he just threatens to have him arrested. In response, Seymour only backs Mushnik toward the plant (possibly even by accident – it's vague) instead of tricking him into looking inside its jaws, and then tries to warn him about it at the last moment, too late. These changes make a big difference in whether the audience thinks Seymour deserves comeuppance or not.

(There are alternate film takes, though, where Orin's begging for help is more drawn out, and where Seymour clearly backs Mushnik toward the plant on purpose and doesn't try to warn him about it. I read somewhere that those changes were made after the negative test screenings to make the new happy ending work better, but I don't know if that's been confirmed or not.)

*Rick Moranis has too much inherent likability as an actor. With or without the above rewrites, he gives off too much of a sweet, innocent vibe to let the audience stop rooting for Seymour.

*Showing Audrey's fantasy of married life with Seymour during "Somewhere That's Green" makes the audience sympathize more with her dreams. When she only sings about them, it's easier to laugh at how she romanticizes stereotypical '50s suburbia. But seeing her fantasy onscreen, even though it's still played for laughs, makes us root all the more for her to achieve it.

*The stage version of "Don't Feed the Plants" is less bleak because it ends at the very beginning of the plants' conquest, without leaving the shop or showing any massacres. It's just a warning: don't feed the plants, or else they'll destroy the world. Showing giant Audrey IIs already destroying the world leaves us feeling more hopeless.

*While the final "Don't Feed the Plants" sequence is visually spectacular, it drags on for too long.

*In 1986, people didn't expect a musical to end tragically. The rise in popularity of dark, tearjerking musicals in the mid-to-late '80s and '90s hadn't taken off yet in the US, so the ending was more of an unpleasant shock. (Personally, I'm not sure if I agree with this theory. The stage ending wasn't criticized in 1982, and plenty of musicals already existed with dark themes and with sad or bittersweet endings: The King and I, West Side Story, Fiddler on the Roof, Sweeney Todd, etc. Although I'm sure it was a shock for some people to see a campy musical comedy end tragically.)

I'd like to add some more suggestions of my own:

*Onstage, depending on the production, Audrey's death can be played more for dark laughs, more as a spoof of melodramatic movie death scenes. On film, the medium's comparative realism forces the sadness to be played straighter. This is enhanced by Seymour's attempted suicide afterwards, which doesn't happen onstage.

*The addition of "Mean Green Mother From Outer Space" makes Seymour's death much more brutal. Onstage, he's eaten fairly quickly, and he goes down fighting. But on film, we have to watch Audrey II playing a slow game of cat-and-mouse with him while singing a gloating song and destroying the shop, then wrapping him in its vines and slowly lifting him into its jaws, with closeups of his terrified face all the while.

*Onstage, during "Don't Feed the Plants," Seymour, Audrey, Mr. Mushnik, and Orin all reappear as flowers sprouting from Audrey II and sing to the audience. Thus, even before the curtain call, they're not portrayed as really "dead." And the fact that it makes no sense in-universe – maybe Mushnik and Seymour could have survived being swallowed, but Orin and Audrey were already dead when the plant ate their bodies – reminds us that this is only a show.

Basically, I think a perfect storm of factors combined to make audiences dislike the original, tragic film ending, even though there was no such objection to the stage ending.

@ariel-seagull-wings

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 18: Rotterdam

This is one of those episodes that I don't listen to much, and now that I have I'm really not sure why because it's so, so funny.

For a bunch of the other write-ups I've done, I've generally sidelined the humor- in a "well obviously this is funny, let's talk about some other thing about it instead" kind of way. And I'm going to talk about other kinds of things related to this episode, but I do want to start with how hilarious it is because it's basically perfect from that perspective. All four of the main cast are at the top of their game, and if anything having Martin and Douglas be confronted by their potential replacements only accentuates even more what makes them awesome, and their actors so good at playing them as extremely distinctive characters. All of the jokes about movie-making and airplane safety demos are super funny, and for an episode with a relatively straightforward and uncomplicated plot, the humor and the set pieces need to be top notch and thankfully they are.

This is also the kind of episode that relies on the visual humor that comes from making audio comedy- everything relies on us imagining what the characters are describing/inferring, which a) makes the writing and performing of the dialogue so important and b) allows us that moment of putting pieces together that makes things just a little bit funnier. The comparative descriptions of Carolyn and Douglas in the life jackets, and which fruit they can be compared to, are hilarious not only because it shows us Douglas being punished for making fun of Carolyn when she did the video, but because by doing it via audio they force us to imagine Douglas as looking far worse than Carolyn, which would be potentially doable but a lot less foolproof in a visual scene.

And speaking of Douglas... I always get some schadenfreude from seeing Douglas suffer, if only because he doesn't seem to very much. But I wonder if I'd have the same feeling about it if I'd listened in broadcast order rather than alphabetical, because in broadcast order Rotterdam came right after Ottery St Mary, another Douglas-suffers episode. As it is now, I feel like he's getting a bit more of what's coming to him but in a relatively balanced way (he did, after all, just flatten Martin in Qik and Paris)- I'm curious about people's impressions of these two episodes sequentially.

(It makes me wonder about some other plotlines this season, as well; listening to this right after Qik made Martin's grasping for whatever dignity he can get out of his rank feel a bit more urgent, and even though he didn't get any at the end, his general emotional victory this episode is very satisfying as a bit of a post-Qik followup, and a nice foreshadower that Martin's fortunes will start to turn next season. In the broadcasted season, the episodes are very far apart. And I also think that this episode being so long after Ottery St Mary, with that episode being right after Newcastle all the way at the beginning of the season, made Herc and his role here feel a bit more lived-in than I'd imagine it would feel to have Newcastle, Ottery St Mary, and Rotterdam right in a row. But I'm curious about people's opinions!)

The other thing that occurred to me in the context of previous episodes this season is- I'm kind of sad that JF got rid of the cold opens. Those were always really fun in S1-2. Ah well.

Anyway, a really great episode that I've apparently been SIGNIFICANTLY underrating... that is definitely heading right back into my usual rotation! Tomorrow, of course, an episode that is impossible to underrate, my favorite one of all...

[luseda1]

I made a YouTube comment that turned into an essay about whom Wortox would side with: team lunar or team shadow. Well, technically it was broken up into team Wagstaff, team Charlie, team Alter and team Shadow (though I see team Shadow and team Charlie as one and the same: I see her as a champion and pawn of the Shadows). After the cut, my musings

So I'm probably biased because I'm a Wortox stan who really dislikes Wagstaff and thinks Alter is equally as bad if not insidiously worse than the shadows, but here are my thoughts.

I agree that his initial preference would be not picking sides. I think the importance he places on friendship (not as obviously as Wormwood does, but it's there) would make it painful when the rift started to form. Because of Krampus, and his reaction to other survivors turning murderous (cowering despite his powers to easily escape or fight back), he might be very afraid of ending up having to oppose one of his friends.

(Side note, but with Wormwood, he would also absolutely hate becoming opposed to his friends but doesn't seem smart enough to think it through, so it wouldn't stop him)

That being said, I could see Charlie swaying him for a few reasons. She's the one who holds the fun holiday events and Wortox has noticed, saying something like "I knew she liked to play games too!". I'd even argue she went out of her way to accommodate him with the Winter's Feast. She probably could've just provided food but instead made a game of it and made the food illusory so he could take part in feasting without hurting himself. Of course, the benefits of the feast are good for everyone, but for Wortox? A break from hunger is also a break from guilt.

And that's important. If Charlie can do that for him every once in a while, why couldn't she do that more often? It would be incredibly tempting. There's no reason to think Wagstaff could help him like that; he's not a biologist or skilled in magic. Wortox can also be a bit naive and might be susceptible to Charlie's manipulation. You could argue he was only quoting Shakespeare so it doesn't count, but he called Charlie's story sad. She could potentially gain his sympathy, maybe make him think he's her beloved entertainer. That could be incredibly difficult to resist.

(Another sidebar: I think Charlie doesn't trust Wortox as far as she could throw him. Like Wanda does, she finds Wortox unpredictable and didn't put him on the board because of it. Maybe she'll reach out later because his powers could be useful, though, or if she feels confident enough in her ability to emotionally manipulate him so he won't betray her.)

Wortox's quotes about Wagstaff, on the other hand, seem more uncertain. Is he a brilliant illuminary, or a raving madman? It seems as though Wortox isn't entirely opposed to helping Wagstaff here and there, especially when it seems fun, but I think it would take more to get Wortox to side with Wagstaff. Wagstaff is also a human that invents things for human use, and Wortox doesn't value all the same things humans tend to; he's frequently baffled or amused by the way mortals differ from himself. Unless Wagstaff made an effort to make something Wortox would like, I think his inventions would have less of an appeal than to a human.

I can't see Wortox siding with either of the deities/eldritch abominations directly. For one, I think he's more susceptible to getting attached to a person than a distant deity. Sometimes he'll joke, but he'll also occasionally show some horror about Alter's mutations. About Wurt's new lunar terraforming staff, he says not to be fooled by its light; it makes me think he's not one to be swayed by dark = evil and light = good black and white thinking that could lead some characters to favor Alter. Considering he's an imp that cares about doing the right thing, well, he's living proof that things aren't always so simple. He also likely knows more about Alter than any other character does because he could read the tablets about them. He doesn't seem to be a particular fan.

His Triumphant skin's line about letting in shadows makes me think he does resist letting in shadows. You have to consider the context- this is something he only says after being tortured for who-knows-how-long because the throne does that to people. He has an appreciation for magic but also a wariness of it (understandable, considering his "curse"). He has some understanding of what the crown from Cult of the Lamb does, and is tempted by it, but ultimately rejects taking that power for himself. I suspect it might be similar with the shadows.

[logicmaru]

i love how ranmaru kageyama is doomed by the narrative from the very fucking beginning and i hope his minisode is even more miserable.

warning i'm gonna talk a lot. ranmaru is very blatantly described as a boring guy, who's underneath the average height for guys, doesn't have any notable likes or dislikes, unless you count his hatred for happy couples + people who are happy in general, which ngl comes into play later

i'm gonna try and explain this as simply as i can bc if i try to word it like an essay i'll confuse myself aha,,,,

it kind of shows us that ranmaru can get jealous pretty easily? and he's upset at the kind of trust keiji and sara share, even though he probably knows that's because they've known each other longer than sara's known ranmaru, but it probably still pisses ranmaru off idk

he wants to prove himself to sara, even though sara already sees him as something alike to an ally, but he wants something more than that. in the logic sara deleted scene, ranmaru states that he would want to be sara's best friend, and he admits how wants to go home with her and laugh casually over jokes together and treat life like nothing's wrong

i like to believe this was deleted because it would be ooc for ranmaru, that he would probably be very reluctant of sharing such an ideal with sara, and him suddenly spilling about wanting to be sara's friend in one moment would probably cause more shock factor, and not do much good for the lore, idk it just seems very "ah omg" and less "how interesting"

i really love how ranmaru is. not a good person. i know how strange that sounds, but ranmaru is, kind of, in a way, a support character for sara. And u would think, well support character, must be someone kindhearted and encouraging, right? well, in ranmaru's case, yes, but no?? he's more like "i will go to lengths for your survival, you NEED to win" instead of "you got this! i'll help you escape!" and it's somewhat refreshing? i'm not sure maybe i'm just not normal

anyway enough about evil ranmaru, emotion ranmaru is just very Sad, and again, doomed by the narrative

he doesn't get any kind of character development iirc, in the infamous ransara "win for me" scene, he just talks about how he knew this was going to be a bad idea, and how he has no right to be sara's friend, but from that point on, we don't get any remarkable moment where ranmaru gets some sort of character redemption, and instead we get a moment where ranmaru AGAIN goes through with some sort of wild plan to make sure sara escapes, which is erasing his personality / replacing it with the joe ai's personality.

gosh, if ur friends with me, u probably know how i love and hate this part of the game, mostly because of how interesting it is and how it could've fleshed out into a whole other issue, but i dislike how it's totally overshadowed by both the fandom and the game itself

sara herself doesn't seem to react too strongly by ranmaru's choice to erase himself to become a "vessel" for joe's personality, which really i'd love to explain but honestly idk,,, i definitely thought there'd be a bigger deal about it, but perhaps it was overruled since the modified maple boss fight was literally like,, moments after that

in emotion route, ranmaru shares little to no information with anyone, though he does come close when he tries to tell sara, which he does successfully tell sara about the asunaro human in the group, but i believe that is the only moment where ranmaru goes "sara, hold on" and actually tells sara about what he was actually going to say, which, on one hand, had me on the edge of my seat, but on the other hand, was nice to see since it was really showing how untrusting and reserved ranmaru is, no matter how much he trusts sara, he's not entirely sure if she trusts him in return, or if he trusts sara to not share this information with anyone else

i love ranmaru kageyama

[twoidiotwriters1]

Until The Very End -(WITS Sequel)

A/N: Been a while since I'd written single-scene chapters. Also happy WITS anniversary?? 3 years now wtf -Danny

Words: 2,074

Masterlist

Previous chapter // Next chapter

2012

It was no surprise when Emily Flint got sorted into Slytherin, and no surprise when she picked the hardest subjects on the curriculum once her third year came around. But it was a surprise when she went to the Quidditch tryouts and got the Seeker position.

Teddy Lupin would have someone to train with during the holidays now, Reg preferred doing muggle-type activities during his free time, and Victoire didn't like flying. Emily was the only one in the small group of friends who had a strong love for Quidditch, which her father could not understand.

He would understand even less now, Emily thought as she glared at her broken ankle waiting to be healed.

"Bollocks," much like her father, she didn't like swearing unless she was upset, and unfortunately, that was the case. "My career is over..."

"There you are!"

Emily's face heated up at the sound of Leon's voice. However, the whirlwind of feelings that came to her was represented on her face in the form of a scowl. "If you're coming here to tease, you can do so later," she sulked.

The older boy stopped halfway to her, eyes wide. "I wanted to check on you, that was a pretty harsh fall out there—I almost jumped out of my seat to try and catch you."

Emily sank further in her bed, wishing her heartbeat would stop thumping. "I'm fine. You may leave."

Leon frowned a bit, but it was more out of confusion than annoyance. "What's your deal? You caught the snitch and your team won—aren't you proud?"

"No, I'm not proud!" Emily snapped. "I promised Dad I wouldn't be careless while playing, he doesn't want me to play—says your sister and Harry took a lot of injuries from Quidditch and you know how paranoid he is, I promised I'd be careful!"

"You can't control that," Leon shrugged, not matching her panic. "Mel couldn't, and she'd control the weather if she wanted to. You can't promise you'll be safe every second of the game."

"Dad won't let me play now," Emily groaned, not listening to him. "My time in the team is over and I had just gotten the spot! It's not fair, Quidditch is the one thing he hates that I love. It's a huge joke, this is what this is."

"C'mon, your dad's not unreasonable, he's quite the opposite," Leon insisted with a tiny smile. "You got a little excited while playing, but it's just a broken ankle, he knows you can take care of yourself."

"And what if Ellie wants to play Quidditch once she starts next August? Dad won't let her because of what happened to me—I've ruined my siblings's chances."

"Emie, you have to cut yourself some slack," the boy replied, his grey eyes darkening with concern. "Penny says you rarely spend time with friends! And every time I go visit your common room, you're rubbing your nose raw on a book."

Emily stared down at her hands. "Because I want to make my father proud. I want to be perfect so he... so I can show him that all those sacrifices he made when he was my age were all worth it."

"Hey, when your dad was our age, he did all kinds of stuff. Once he stole someone else's hair for a Polyjuice potion and knocked that girl unconscious so she wouldn't show up while Mel was pretending to be her." Leon tried not to, but a chuckle escaped him as he sat next to Emily's bed.  "He wasn't unhappy all the time. You know what he's always telling me?"

Emily's hazel eyes are fixed on the boy's face, expectant and curious. "What?"

"He says that it was thanks to my sister that he loved school, and found real friends. And... I don't know if you know, but he and my sister had a thing when she was my age."

"What!"

"Don't tell him I told you!" Leon blushed. "My point is, he wasn't sad about anything, because his parents and brother had never been mistreated for their beliefs and yet they were always angry and miserable—but he'd been beaten twice, and on both occasions, the pain was nothing because Mel was there for him."

Leon grabbed her hand and squeezed lightly. "He thinks I'm like my sister, and maybe he sees you're just like him. So, he wants me to keep an eye on you. He says every Flint needs a Sultens," he grinned. "I think us Sultens would be nothing without our Flints. You're the sole reason why I didn't end up being a brat."

"Really?" Emily laughed, though still conscious of the way Erick was holding her hand.

"I was always trying to force you to follow my rules," his smile grew. "And you would always leave me there standing. It drove me mad!"

Emily nodded, remembering a bit of it. "Yeah, you were annoying."

"Unlike Teddy and Victoire, you didn't worship me at all," he continued with amusement. "I tried to win you over but I never figured out how to get you to do what I wanted, so I gave up— accepted the world didn't revolve around me, and I became a better friend."

"And then I changed my mind," she mused.

"Yeah well, you didn't hate me, you were just nudging me in the right direction, even as a kid you were always wiser than me." His expression turned affectionate then, poor Emily had to slow down her breathing so she wouldn't faint. "But you're too obsessed with being perfect."

"I can be perfect, it's a matter of hard work!" She argued, momentarily forgetting about her feelings.

"Princess, your own father handed me the task of teaching you how to have fun! Do you know how grave the situation has to be to get that kind of order from Mr Flint, Master of introversion?"

Emily didn't want to be seen as a task, or a kid Leon had to look after. He'd always been the oldest, strongest and smartest, and she felt like a huge fraud, because the only reason she hadn't followed him around since the start, was because she'd realized Leon paid more attention to her that way.

She wondered what had caused her father to crush on Mel Dumbledore—dad wasn't interested in superficial stuff like beauty or money, he'd always said he'd fallen in love with mother because of the way she spoke, 'She's pure magic' he liked saying. She'd been the first person to make him feel interesting and special.

Judging by the things Leon mentioned, her father had been enchanted by the way Mel made his life bearable in school, because of all the good things she'd brought into his life. She'd been an advantage, not a burden.

Emily wanted to be that for Leon. She'd decided he would be the man she'd marry, but for that to happen, boundaries had to be established. The way he would call her 'Princess' wasn't even sweet to her ears, he called her that because Mel teasingly called her father 'Prince'. It was just as platonic, and it made her furious.

Leon Regulus was a good boy, but he was too self-sufficient and only followed his own rules, not even Penny could get him to do her bidding. So far he'd dated plenty of beautiful girls who fawned over him, and even if he'd never been rude, most girls couldn't stand his distant personality, they never lasted more than one or two months with him. 

It was easy to lose his interest, his feelings faded quickly once the thrill of the unknown wore out. She'd once overheard his sister talking about Leon's father with Harry.

"Uncle Lu says Sirius used to date girls just to keep himself entertained with something during the times he wasn't doing mischief. That it was fun to him, but once that thrill was over so were his feelings, no girl ever got to make him stay once he'd fully known them."

"But he knew Mily, they were friends," Harry had pointed out. "And he was in love with her his whole life."

Mel took a moment to reply. "I don't know. Sirius was impulsive and kept to himself—Mum was a fun girl but I wouldn't know the reasons why he felt differently about her. He never told me."

If Leon was so much like his father—everyone always said that—then Emily had to be more like her namesake. Otherwise, she'd be overlooked, and taken for granted, and she could not have that.

"I appreciate your efforts to look after me," the girl dropped his hand. "You're right, my dad would want me to have fun—more importantly, he'd want me to have a Mel Dumbledore. But I don't think that's you."

Leon straightened up in his seat. "Why not?"

"Well, it'd be too obvious," Emily rolled her eyes. "Mel's brother being my answer is lazy—and I'm not lazy. Dad wants me to look for my person as he did, so that's what I'll do. Some boys have been trying to ask me out but I keep saying no, maybe I should reconsider."

"What boys?"

"I'll take it from here," Emily smiled even though her guts were twisting in knots, she hoped this would not backfire. "Thank you, you've opened my eyes. I won't sit around in my common room where you'd always been certain to find me. Now you'll have to search the entire castle just to catch a glimpse of me!"

The girl tried her best to sound obnoxious in a credible way because she was young, but Leon knew she wasn't stupid. There was a thin line between being obvious to the point he'd known she was up to something, and sounding like she'd truly been convinced to change her ways.

"It frustrates me when I discover there are limits to my abilities and they don't always reach where I want them to—"

"I think you're okay exactly where you are," the boy mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. His burgundy hair reflected the sunlight coming from the window.

"But I'm missing out! I want to go out on adventures with you, Teddy, and Victoire, and then Ellie once she gets here! I want to date people—and I can't do that if I follow you around like a lost pup, can I?" 

"I... guess not," Leon frowned, seemingly confused. "I mean... yeah, you're right."

"I must find my way alone. It'd be silly to rely on you anyway, you graduate in a year and then I'd just fall back in my bad habits. So no, thank you."

She laid back looking pleased. If Leon decided then to really let go, her dream would die right at that moment... but she had to take a risk, it was better to not have him at all than to fall deeper in love, only for him to grow numb to her appeal. 

Emily couldn't stand the idea of losing the boy she wanted to be with when he was the perfect fit, so she had to make sure he remained interested long enough until she was the right age to place her offer on the table. And if she played her cards right, he'd be begging her to take him by that time.

"I... I know I can't force you," he wrinkled his nose. "But I'd be useful to have around, you know? I know everyone, I get invited to all the parties and—"

"I'm the best seeker in school," she replied confidently. "I think I can get into any party if I just ask nicely."

"Yeah," Leon agreed, though he was no longer so joyful. "You're right, as usual..."

"Don't worry, I'll come to you if I have doubts about how to break up with someone, or my charms homework, or if I ever feel like joining the duelling club," she teased him. "I'll be around."

Leon's grey eyes got cloudier as he sank into his thoughts, Emily wished she knew Occlumancy. "Your dad will be glad, then... I should leave and... uh... Penny wanted me to help with her transfiguration parchment, so..."

"Go ahead, I won't be lonely," Emily shrugged. "Teddy and Vicky might visit after lunch."

"Yes," he replied, now sounding slightly on edge. "Teddy will want to talk your ears off about the game. I know. See you."

The boy got up and left. The way he walked out with his fists buried in his pockets and that cute pout on his face reminded her so much of the way he'd looked whenever she would defy him, that she felt this had been the right call. 

Leon Regulus would soon realize he'd always been in love with her, it was only a matter of time.

Next Chapter –>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @reverse-hxlland @hamiltonwc @omiwashere @t-rexs-world @21bruhs @dielgonacoffee @thelastpyle @cedricisnotdead @greengarsstuff @aconfusedslytherin @talksoprettyjjx @avengersz-biotch @23victoria @moonhoonie @raajali3 @peachyaeger @espressopatronum454 @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual  @na1ven3vy @kai-wifey

[hils79]

Hils Watches The King's Avatar - Ep 34

I'm trying not to think about how few episodes I have left

Wait, I thought that WAS the official verdict. I'm assuming that because this dude has been sitting here gloating for like an hour that it's going to be overturned somehow.

I love that this is a gathering all all the team captains plus Wenzhou's husband

Still unclear what he did to warrant a lifetime ban.

Okay now I want Shaotian to lead a revolution where no one will play because there's no point if their most worthy competitor has been banned.

Yes! Lead them into a strike! Also, this is my 700th screenshot of this drama. Nothing else I have liveblogged (or livetweeted as I used to do) has come anywhere near this amount and I've watched stuff WAY longer than this. Well, maybe my Lost Tomb Reboot rewatch but nothing else!

Wenqing is like 'I'm not sure 'friends' is the word I'd use for what we are'

Are you sure about that?

See, this is why I love them. Shaotian is loud and passionate, Wenzhou is quiet and rational. They balance each other perfectly and they love each other so much

I love that during his whole speech Wenzhou has his hand on Shaotian's shoulder. Probably to stop Shaotian from launching himself across the table and fighting the chairman of the league

It's a good thing Shiqin is there as the Excellent Era vice captain because Sun Xiang would never admit this even if he knows it's true

Not me crying because, for the first time, Shaotian decided to be tactful and stay quiet but his husband is there to encourage him to speak

So this dude said 'I can only overturn the ban if you give me a good reason', the captains gave him several good reasons, and the response was just 'cool but you have to respect the decision to ban him'. Well, that was a waste of 5 minutes (apart from letting me see the Blue Rain husbands who I have missed)

Okay, next we need the fans to protest I guess? If the pros and the fans all protest you don't have a league anymore

It seems weird to me that the captains of the other teams know Ye Xiu has been banned but his own team doesn't. Anyway, they've made him a sub which I hope means he's going to get unbanned in time to show up and help them win

That is not a good tactic. What if he doesn't show up? Also, you told Mo Fan to stall for time and he got a yellow card

Oh I hope she ends up having to fight three of them by herself and wipes them all out like she said she was going to do. Fighting!

Nope she got killed again. So much for getting to redeem herself.

Okay, I'm glad they rescinded the ban. But how do you even enforce this? Didn't he win them the championship a bunch of times? Are they going to take that back and give it to another team?

Sucks to be this guy though. And hi Blue Rain husbands in the background. I can't believe they've decided all of this in less time than it takes for Team Happy to finish a tournament. If this was real life there would be months, maybe even years of meeting with lawyers and league board members etc

I choose to believe Shaotian and Wenzhou are holding hands just out of frame

They could at least have given him a ride back to the game that they pulled him out of instead of making him try and find a taxi

He has friends who were in that meeting even if the league weren't prepared to drive him back to the game. Does no one in this universe own a car?

YAY! I have no idea how he got there so fast given he was hailing a cab like a minute ago but let's just go with it

I love her! Plays for another team but just walks on stage and sits with Team Happy in front of everyone after dropping off Ye Xiu

Aww you must be new here

Okay, it's not very clear in the screenshot but Baozi just punched the ground so hard he collapsed the cliff everyone was standing on and It Was Awesome

OH SHIT HIS UMBRELLA BROKE

And they lost. Devastating. What happens now? Are they out of running to win the league?

God I can't stand it when he's sad. It was bad enough when his dad made him cry. This is way worse

Well, that was a real downer to end on. More tomorrow I guess.

[just-jordie-things]

Broken by lovelytheband -> Gojo Satoru

This has come on in the car this morning when I drove to work and it just SCREAMED Gojo fucking Satoru to me.

I met you late night, at a party Some trust fund baby's Brooklyn loft By the bathroom, you said, "Let's talk" But my confidence is wearing off

Okay, this doesn't have to be some trust fund party or anything, let's just interpret this as some gathering for Higher Ups in Jujutsu Society, cause I know fully well Gojo would only show up to annoy everyone and then yeet. But guess what, you're there and he can't remember seeing you before. Turns out you hate all the higher ups, spent most of your time overseas and only recently came back to Japan.

Well, these aren't my people, these aren't my friends She grabbed my face and that's when she said I like that you're broken, broken like me Maybe that makes me a fool I like that you're lonely, lonely like me I could be lonely with you

We all know Gojo is secretly really lonely. That's why he clings to Nanami, that's why he's so into Megumi's life, that's why he hangs out with Yuji and Nobara more than a teacher. He's seeing something in them that reminds him of his youth, something that reminds him of when he was less lonely.

To me that's also another reason why he was so close to Suguru. Both of them were regarded as the strongest, therefore lonely by default. I feel for Suguru it might have been even harder at times considering he comes from a family of non-sorcerers. He didn't have anyone he could ask about sorcery and cures and such.

But then again, this is what bothers Gojo the most, that he's lonely deep inside, which he doesn't like to show. But once he meets someone who seems fine but actually is just as broken and lonely inside, I feel he would be taken by surprise and it would be hard for him not to open up and finally let everything out.

There's something tragic, but almost pure Think I could love you, but I'm not sure There's something wholesome, there's something sweet Tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet

Those lines are so fucking gut wrenching to me. It displays the way you argue with yourself. You want to be close to someone, you want to be vulnerable but you're not sure. You know it's wholesome and heartwarming but at the same time its tragic and traumatic due to past experiences. Are you willing to overcome those past traumas and go for it? Gojo's not sure, but there's just something so sweet in your eyes that he can't let go.

Life is not a love song that we like We're all broken pieces floating by Life is not a love song we can try To fix our broken pieces one at a time

This is Gojo's conclusion. Love is the most twisted curse. But life without love is lonely, he knows that more than anyone. Even if he'd argue with himself, eventually I think he would take the jump, knowing that he risks getting hurt again.

~ Nanami Flowershop Anon

ooh i'll have to listen to this song it sounds sad asf and i vibe with that (i get in my best writing zones with sad songs playing!!!)

but this is perfect and so fitting, i would love a full fic of thissss

[quietbluejay]

Ahriman: Exile Reread 1

So, I decided not to include my thoughts on the samples I read in between Buried Dagger and this the TLDR: Betrayer: I'm definitely intrigued but it felt like it was being unfair to Magnus :/ Angel Exterminatus: McNeill has really upped his game! The Path of Heaven: slaps roof of warhammer this franchise can fit so much chronic pain into it The Crimson King: this is what got me interested in Lucius originally

And now, the main event: Ahriman: Exile was the second ever WH40k book I ever read (first being Know No Fear), and it was basically the make or break between me staying and me leaving.

story begins with a space wolf pov and man i gotta read a space wolf book at some point, i found out there's a book where a space wolf and a thousand son end up sharing a body and then apparently they become besties so like this is a book written just for me future bluejay note: i read the sample at a later point and the book is on the list now

this guy however in the ahriman novels was as i recall my introduction to warhammer cannibalism And at this point I feel like I should maybe put a content warning. Cannibalism mentions ahead, if you've read the book it's fine, I'm not screenshotting those bits and I'm being even less descriptive

haakon (the pov guy) undergoes an experience that sounds a LOT like he has the butchers nails haakon dude r u ok

you know if i had a nickel every time in this book a dude got stripped and hung from a wall in chains and scribbled on with ink pens by one specific sorcerer i'd have two nickels which is not a lot but man, amon, you need better hobbies note from future bluejay: I misremembered oh i also forgot this bit

im sixteen pages in and we are on our SECOND cannibalism this is really gross i shouldn't have read this right after eating i was going to describe a bit and thought better of it even behind spoiler rip haakon you were alive only for the prologue chapter though wait i feel like he showed up again in a later book??? maybe it was a different gross space wolf

carmenta my beloved blorbo no, self, you have enough cosplays planned her child, for context, is the spaceship she's a rogue techpriest and she's connected to the ship

and here he is the specialest boy the sad wet beast of an evil sorcerer, the platonic ideal of a poor little meow meow

ahriman is uh, not doing very well how the mighty have fallen literally kneeling for an unsanitary blood covered dude who collects evil sorcerers like jewels

viva la vida plays in the background this is, to be honest, an uncomfortable scene, but it really works for setting the mood of the book

meanwhile ahriman is just sitting there like "his main sorcerer is going to betray him i could probably do something but what is the point of doing anything i don't know if all my powers still even work" "it was as if a portion of his soul had shrunken to a wasted shell" and meanwhile gzrel is calling him "a whipped dog among wolves" rip wolf reference ahriman doesn't actually react to that at all khayon would but ahriman basically attempts to repress all his trauma and Does Not Think about it he does that about a lot of things so yay ahriman got chosen to lead the attack on the Titan Child, he's being set up to die ahriman: ok and now over to astraeos who is also blorbo there's a lot of great characters in these books

ok so he's part of the remains of a renegade space marine chapter imperium turned on them without saying why we don't find out about this til a lot later and we find out why waaaay later and it's normally a plot i hate but it was kind of okay here because it fits the story thematically somehow he became the leader of what remains but he has no clue what to say also they're guarding carmenta

Gee I wonder why your powers don’t work any more Do I really need to know about the bloody mucus, French?

the overwhelming message im getting from this is "chaos space marines are gross and unsanitary"

ok i don't remember this either something possessed the dude next to ahriman and now there's frost everywhere it's speaking to ahriman and also everyone else is frosen in time "i am your fate come round at last" spooky note from future bluejay: arc words! arc words!

carmenta: ah my death is here i will be free at last but oops astraeos rescued her ahhh okay so she found him and his brothers floating lost in space and she rescued them and thats why they swore to protect her

ahriman 🤝 carmenta hearing ominous voices behind their thoughts ahriman 🤝 carmenta "you know what just let me die here"

oops ahriman's repression failed traumatic flashbacks to his brother's death time oh yikes rip astraeos he's a prisoner and they took one of his eyes and he's being hung from the ceiling with HOOKS IN HIS SKIN euerrrrgh rusty hooks man french is really going out of his way to emphasize the whats the right term the physical elements and the horrible reality of what it would be like, it's very visceral but also lmao trying to earn the mature rating for the book as if it didn't with the cannibalism

i don't think it's overshooting the horror im just trying to make a joke to lighten my mood because this book gets dark i actually had to take breaks when i was reading it originally because I was in a pretty bad mental place at the time oh yeah ding we have a third character held prisoner naked and hanging from the ceiling though tbh astraeos' situation is worse than haakon's or than future ahrimans will be note from future bluejay: you misremembered, there are 3 times characters are imprisoned and vulnerable and hanging from the ceiling but in only two cases were they naked and cannibalized, no one ate ahriman and he got to keep his tunic. To be fair to past bluejay, it is a weird thing to pop up multiple times in the first place

both of them they were both betrayed by the imperium that created them and outcast by it

astraeos is unsettling ahriman oh this is why he adopts astraeos isn't it

it's because he reminds him of himself and then he shapes astraeos into himself including his own mistakes…. third cannibalism at least it happened offscreen ahriman feel supernatural fear French does a good job at conveying the creeping feeling of something wrong at your back ;-; ahriman kept all the physical things he could from his time in the TS

forget bad mental health day ahriman is having a bad mental health millenium

I can't help but hear this as a riff on the "we should improve society somewhat" meme

so i am STILL not sure if it's the voice of something else in his head or not maybe this time when i finish the trilogy i will have clarity the end got really confusing

oh hey time for him to meet carmenta

and then he warns her to be careful oh gross not the human tallow candles again this was I think my first encounter with them, but sadly not my last of course they didn't do a good job rendering you think these guys know how to properly render anything it explicitly smells like meat

the visitors are thousand sons ahriman basically has a panic attack

oh ahriman is happy :D visitor is someone he knows and actually liked him

ahriman: i'm not alone :D :D :D meanwhile he keeps having visions oops "the vision slipped into his mind like a razor" i love french's similes tolbek threatens gzrel a bit and then ahriman and him talk via telepathy tolbek: you must come with me ahriman: sorry no tolbek surprise attacks it's super effective

annnnd ahriman awakens his power again

after centuries of depression, local man finally feels something and it's joy that he's going to kill someone he knew rip and then ahriman turns into a killing machine rip everyone in the room you're all dead also things get trippy with visions

oh, honey sometimes, having hope is bad because this is wh40k

but this is where it starts he's at his lowest point but he's going to start to climb oh welp he didn't kill one dude just broke his mind

ahriman: i almost feel bad for him then he remembers that this is the guy that ate astraeos' eye and tortured him ahriman: nvm and then for some reason (vision he had) he doesn't kill Maroth seriously at this point i have to think it was something making him not do it the first thing ahriman does is go to free astraeos

the thing he does not want to do is he frees astraeos anyways so now astraeos feels obligated because his honour and obligation are all he has left time for carmenta to be a badass

elmo emoji

anyways the prose is definitely holding up the weird stuff feels weirder, somehow

thinking about how fast ahriman gets attached to carmenta and astraeos but doesn't really admit it to himself which is a repeating pattern in his life thought I had last night: he has the wisdom and critical thinking skills that God gave a slug

let me amend it, that's mean to slugs ahriman does not have the wisdom and sense that God gave a slug i had some thoughts about ahriman and astraeos and some of the themes of this book but they aren't entirely coherent but basically about ahriman being at his kindest when he's at his lowest point mentally and physically and also tbh at his wisest and as he gets in better shape he loses that to his all consuming focus

ahriman is basically the manifestation of that diane di prima poem all he has is a collection of means

[anothershadeofpurple]

Yay for a happy ending but wow Mariana really didn’t deserve Ana what was that? Why do that? Ana pining all the time while Mariana barely had any scene telling us that yes, she was in love with Ana at last half as much as Ana was. After all of that Mariana didn’t even had to make any effort to get Ana?

I spent way too long wanting Ana to get over Marina and realize that she is truly bi (not that bs that she is not gay she just loves Mariana 🙄) and finding someone else who can love her the way she deserves. Really Ana and other women not Mariana was some of my favorite parts lol I really wished Ana had a one night stand, she would still be miserable because she was so in love but at least she could have some great sex, and not just pine while Marina had Ferran

I guess the writers in the end are just not that good, s2 was also pretty underwhelming and s3 was I guess better but not as good as s1. And yes I blame the writers I don’t think that Netflix made any changes there. Just one scene with Mariana and Ana talking about their feelings all that went through, Mariana really talking about how heartbroken she was when Ana pushed her away in s1, about that night together scared her so much she couldn’t think, anything about how much she loves Ana would help so much instead it ended making me feel that Ana was so much more in love that made me kinda sad for her.

Ohh btw sorry for the long rant, the show left me all over the place 😆

Oh my God, I hear you Anon, I'm all over the place too. I should be adulting for Christmas, but instead, I want to do meta deep dives on Tumblr. And I am.

Season two did get boring as well because of the dudes, much like this season, but I do feel it all comes down to trying to keep some imagined general audience happy while carving out space to even be able to tell a gay story, not a lack of capacity. (I like giving creators the benefit of the doubt, especially since we did actually get a textual slow-burn love story between two women. Writers may choose to do it themselves to avoid the network mingling in the first place. I don't know.)

Yes, Ana as truly bi or gay would have been less of a cop-out, I'd like to just think she needs more time to come to terms with her sexuality and this is just an in-between state. After all, it's in character for Ana to be methodical about her sexuality and try to control it. "I'm gonna go out, pick a woman, see if I'm into it and then I will know for sure where I fit in." She might as well have started the episode with a PowerPoint presentation in which she explained this plan to Elena. Ana wants control, she wants shortcuts, which doesn't work in cases like this. We had one of her phony bridge club friends say that "She knew she was a lesbian since high school" when Ana introduced Mariana as the other mother of her daughters. Ludwika just shows us there's so much going on with Ana behind her eyes, I feel like she has a very rich backstory for Ana that she is tapping into. Would love to hear her talk about that. And yes, the chemistry with that woman was actually... good? Even with Elena. She's got Momistry with Mariana, but with these other women... it was easy to imagine more interesting exchanges.

I think the setup for Mariana actually loving Ana instead of Ferran is there, but they did a terrible job with the pacing and gave us so much Ferran that it became difficult to believe. There's the conversation with Elena where the acting makes it very clear she doesn't actually love Ferran, but is playing it safe with him... but even so, it was her turn to talk about her feelings to Ana. And it could have been a few sentences, a short scene, it really didn't need much.

I feel if this last episode would have had another passionate kiss, a few words from Mariana and some tears I would be ridiculously happy right now instead of rationalizing that I should be happy and grateful for getting that next step. It's still progress, hopefully it opens doors for the next slowburn. Eventually someone's gonna get it right.

I better finish my lesbian Hallmark script...