#even if my tag search has been broken since the second month here </3

[depravedangelbaby]

they're gonna take me out back and put me down

[admiringlove]

hurtful things

+synopsis: genshin boys and the hurtful things they said.

+genre: angst; headcanons.

+characters: kaeya; diluc; childe; zhongli.

+warnings: swearing; crying; implied panic attack.

+order: hey bubs! i saw you doing requests and i HAD to ask for genshin angst :) spare me some tears pls <//3 preferably w kaeya or diluc or childe :) [submitted by @crackheadsara​]

+author’s note: okay so i included zhongli bc he’s the love of my life, also i needed comfort from him after writing such hurtful things :D

+navigation: main menu, genshin menu.

— KAEYA.

“i’m better off without you.”

you know from the way your door was knocked in the middle of the night on a weekday after months, that it’s kaeya. you rub your eyes sleepily, trudging towards the door as anger and doubt fuse into a nasty green in your mind. 

you unlock the door, pulling it open to see the man with the eyepatch tapping his foot on the deck of your home impatiently. he smirks when his eye lands on you, attempting to walk in but stopping himself when he realizes you're standing at the door, unmoving. 

"kaeya, it's three in the morning. and it's monday. i have to report to jean in three hours," you mumble tiredly as you look up at him. the lamp grass by your windowsill outside and the moonlit night accentuated his cerulean eyes and contrasting coffee-colored skin. he frowns, peering down at you as he asks, "may i come in?"

you shrug, opening the door wide as you let the man in. he places his sword on the table and proceeds to walk into the bedroom when you ask, "where have you been for the past two weeks?"

"work," his reply is the same. you let out a sigh in impatience as you retort, "that's the same excuse as always."

he was tired and wanted to sleep off the fatigue from his latest mission. but when he hears you say that, something in him snaps and he turns around, his jaw clenched and a fixed glare making you a little agitated. he raises an eyebrow as he says, "well, unlike you, i am an actual important member of the knights of favonius."

"kaeya, all i meant was that you're always gone. you never write a letter back even if i send you one, and you somehow manage to come back every single time, expecting that it doesn't hurt me. what am i supposed to do?" your voice is small as you look down, hair drooping towards the ground. you're not even yelling at him, you're just worried. he always leaves you alone(sometimes you tag along, but you couldn't tell why nowadays he'd leave you alone without some sort of warning).

"does it ever occur to you that you're just a hindrance?" he bites back, thinking that you're trying to put up a front. you flinch at his words, causing him to force a jeer before he starts again, "you always come along, so maybe i wanted to be away from you for a bit. that's why i leave without a warning so i don't have to tend to your yapping all day. because i'm better off without you."

you gasp as you look up to his figure, now retreating to your shared bedroom. you hear him fall onto the bed with a content sigh as you stand there, wiping at your tears incessantly as hiccups escape your lips. you bit your tongue to stop yourself from crying, pressing a hand on your mouth to muffle the sounds so you don't disturb kaeya. you get a quick peek in, eyes widening when you see him sound asleep and tucked in. 

so that's how it was, you think. 

the next morning, kaeya wakes up to a cold bed as his arm reaches out to an empty space. his eyes immediately pry open as he wakes up, to see that you weren't here. 

ah, he ponders to himself, you must've gone to tend to your duties. 

he stretches, letting out a yawn before walking out to the kitchen. he smiles when he sees a plate of food left for him on the countertop with a note from you. but somehow, something felt very wrong about this whole ordeal. this had happened before—he had come back from insanely long missions to you before, so what felt different?

and then it hits him. the things he said last night. he frantically looks around, his azure eyes completely drowned in horror as he notices small changes in your shared household. a few picture frames are missing on the living room walls, your keychain isn't on the bookshelf anymore, and worst of all, when he runs into the closet, half of your clothes are gone. 

did you really feel that bad about what he said?

in panic, he runs out and keeps going till he reaches the headquarters of the knights. he barges in this time, not returning the greetings of the guards upfront as he walks into jean's office. 

"where are they?" he pants, "i-i messed up, do you know where they are?"

jean's eyes widen as she says, "our associates were having a hard time handling with the fatui in liyue harbor so they volunteered to go there for sometime."

"how long has it been?"

"they left long ago, it's about to be around ten hours since," she says. kaeya's heart shatters as he hears those words. he hadn't expected you to outright leave like that, but if you had said the same things to him, he definitely would've stormed out. his voice cracks as he looks at the ground in shame, "h-how long until they'll be back?"

"i.. don't know."

he regrets everything he's said. he truly does because he doesn't even notice that tears are streaming down his cheeks until jean comes to his aid. he hates himself for all of it—he hates that he has to live in a home where traces of you are visible everywhere; worst of all, he hates how he knows he lost you for good. even if you come back, he knows you wouldn’t run and melt into his arms like you did before. you’re gone now, fading into the darkness and away from him. 

maybe it was for the best.

— DILUC.

“you’re nothing but a burden.”

after taking on a few abyss mages and mitachurls, diluc lets a grunt out in pain before you see the slash on his right arm. you gasp, pulling him to the side of the lake as you pull out a bandage and cotton from your bag to clean his wounds. he's reluctant to it at first, but he sits there quietly and broods as you clean the blood with cotton and some type of healing ointment. 

you tie the bandage on his arm, a tiny bit of vermillion liquid seeping through the white cloth before sitting down next to him, finally catching a breath. sighing, you look up at him and say, "that was reckless."

"no, what you did was reckless. who told you to come along with me to dadaupa gorge? you knew what you were getting into when you came along, so don't put this on me," he grumbled, frowning as you look at him with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. you are sort of hurt, but you know he's only saying this in faux indignation, so it's okay. you chuckle out, beginning, "diluc, i was-"

"i don't know why i even bother with you at this point," he exasperates, looking into the distance behind you. he curses slightly under his breath, his rouge eyes filled to the brim with anger as it finally overflows, "you're nothing but a burden."

your eyes suddenly flick to gape at him in disbelief. you stand up, your voice hitching in your throat as you ask, "diluc, you mean that?"

and it all simmers down into ashes when he mumbles "of course i do" under his breath. your vision is blurry as you walk away from the red-haired man, your body trembling as you almost give away that you're crying your eyes out. you walk back in the direction the two of you came from, leaving your broken heart in the hands of diluc, who sat by the lake not muttering a word after. 

he knows he's said things he doesn't mean; he does that all the time, but you probably knew that. he figures you're leaving to catch a breath of fresh air—to be away from the tension-filled environment for a bit, you had a habit of doing that at home. he sighs as he ponders over his words for a bit. he knew it was wrong to display such harshness to you, but you probably knew he didn't mean anything by it. he always bubbled over rash things when he was frustrated. 

the sun sets in front of him, painting hues of aubergine and peach as it flows down. he wonders where you are, getting up from his spot by the lake to venture towards the path you walked off. 

only when he can't find you, is when he thinks that you might've actually taken offense to his words. although he cares about you sincerely, he finishes his mission first, getting a lead on the abyss order—because protecting monstadt was his first priority. you lingered in his mind every second of every day till he finally got back home. and when he didn't find you there, he asks adelinde about it, who only shakes her head and tells him, "i'm sorry, master diluc, but i haven't seen them come back. i thought they were with you."

it all pieces together in his mind now, how a small gasp had escaped your lips when he had called you a burden. the way you nodded begrudgingly, getting up and walking away from his presence as your shoulders trembled. the way he could hear you choke back a sob, but still ignored it, thinking you had overreacted in the situation. 

he searches the whole city for you. he searches every nook and corner, and even walks into the headquarters of the knights of favonius(he ignores kaeya's teases instead of biting back this time). and when he finally sees you, he holds himself back. his hand is suspended awkwardly in the air as he reaches out for you, your back turned towards him. 

maybe this was better—maybe it was a good thing that you had walked away from him. this way, the abyss order won't be able to harm you. this way, he won't be able to harm you. this way, you'll be safe and sound, away from the storm known as diluc ragnvindr.

— CHILDE.

“it’s not like you mean anything to me.”

it's not often you see childe. he's always in liyue, and you're here, stuck in monstadt or snezhnaya. it's cold today(as it always is) in snezhnaya, the snow covered almost everything outside as you looked out of your window, sipping on hot coffee as you sigh at the wilting roses on the sill. they'd wilted when you had gone to monstadt and you didn't have the heart to plant new ones.

just thinking about the blue-eyed childish man would make your heart bloom and cheeks flustered. you longed to spend more time with him, really. if only he wasn't affiliated with the fatui, he'd be able to spend more time with you. it had been months since you had seen him, and you longed to be in his arms once again, but who knows when that'll happen again? whenever he comes home, he chooses to spend a night with you and then head back. he'd laugh alongside you, tell you about his adventures, and give small reactions when you told him about yours. and the next morning, you'd wake up to an empty bed with a small note by the table, saying how he has to leave for work.  

a knock at your door snaps you out of your entranced state. as you open the lock and look out, you see childe, standing there with a tired grin and disheveled hair as he walks in without a word. he hands you a small paper bag, saying, "i brought you back something from liyue this time."

the same excuse, you think. it's always the same. he brings back small mementos and souvenirs as a pretense for staying, and by the time you think you can forgive him, he's gone. he plops down onto the sofa, stretching his arm out so you could join him. the thought of confronting him crosses your mind, but you shake it off—since he had only just gotten back. 

the night is the same as always. talking about each others' adventures, eating dinner by the fireplace, laughing alongside one another until you hit the bed. it's quiet now as you watch over his sleeping figure, his lapis-colored eyes now hidden. you sigh as you lay there for hours on end, twiddling with his brown hair as you wait for him to wake up(so this time you can actually say goodbye). 

when his eyes flutter open, he's a little taken aback when he looks over at you to see you wide awake. his brows furrow just a smidge as he says, "you're up."

"well, i wanted to say goodbye this time," you chuckle dryly, "you always leave without waking me up."

"i don't like the way you said that," he says, getting up from his position on the bed. you look away from him, your eyes displaying hurt as you murmur, "i don't like the way you leave."

"well, it's my job. it's not like i'm an adventurer like you, wasting my time around. i'm a harbinger and i have responsibilities," he says. his voice is neither too soft and nor too prickly, and you can tell that he's a little worked up by the way he lightly nips on the skin of his bottom lip as his gaze bores into you. 

"i didn't say you don't. all i said was that you could maybe sometimes stay for more than one night. it feels like you're using me, and when you're bored, you leave."

"oh?" he cocks an eyebrow as he stands up, "i'm using you, huh?"

you grimace at the tone of his voice, and when you look at him, you notice the sheer annoyance he puts up towards you. your voice is small when you ask him if he loves you—because you don't know anymore. seeing him once in a few months for the past few years has sure hurt you more than anything, and if you don't tell him now, then you might never get a chance. 

"what if i say i don't?" he smirks, walking up to you, "it's not like you mean anything to me. what if i agree that i am using you to make myself happy until i'm bored, so i can then throw you away?"

he doesn't like what he's saying either. his mind is screaming at him to stop, but he's worked up. he's irritated by the way you jabbed at him first thing in the morning, even though he knows you're right. his heart almost stops when he looks at the expression on your face after he says those words, and as he reaches out his hand for you, you turn away. 

your voice cracks, and he's sure his heart did as well when you mumble, "i-i'd like you to leave, please."

"wait, i didn't mean-"

"tartaglia," your eyes look into his, perhaps for the last time, as you give him a sad smile, "you don't have to come back to me anymore."

it hurts him as he leaves your home that morning. it hurts him when he comes back months later to see that your home is now empty. it hurts him because he tarnished the you that was once his. 

it hurts him, but he thinks it's for the best if you stay away from him if all he does is bring you pain.

— ZHONGLI.

“i’d like you to leave me alone.”

zhongli was never one to pick fights. he was peaceful; his thoughts were positive(most of the time), and he almost always preferred to talk about his problem rather than fighting about it—he believes that fighting will only bring pain, so why not confide in one another about our problems instead?

he's quiet. he's not shy(it's quite the opposite, actually), but he's one to prefer to only talk when absolutely necessary. he's the type to listen rather than speak, saying something like, "we have two ears and one mouth. speak less than you listen."

he smiles when his mind goes back to the time when he said that to you while having a cup of tea together, and you'd replied, "my mother used to tell me that when i was a child."

because it's true; every child in liyue harbor has heard those words at least once in their lives. the quality of listening is appreciated more than the quality of speaking—and zhongli, for one, was a listener. 

you, on the other hand, were a speaker. you always woke him up every morning with a smile as bright and everlasting as the sun, babbling about breakfast and tea as he got up from the bed. you were the one that carried conversations on your shoulders on morning walks, you were the one that intertwined your fingers with his as the two of you walked amongst flowers, adoring them as you talked about the contrasting colors of silk flowers and glaze lilies. he loved you for that. he loved you because you were a speaker. he loved you because you were a perfect balance, the only one who could soften his hardened heart. the only one whom he'd chosen to wake up next to in the mornings, the only one whom he'd let ruffle his hair without asking(because he secretly liked it). 

so why had he reversed the roles tonight? why was he the one to bubble out his frustrations to you, speaking in a cold and stern manner instead of the loving tone that was only reserved for you? why was he the one to speak tonight, and why were you the one to listen?

it's not like he was actually frustrated—he was only thinking about something else as you asked him what he wanted for dinner. it surely wasn't your fault when he had poured over turbulent words to you. and he knows that the ones that hurt the most probably were, "i'd like you to leave me alone."

he looks up at the stars, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he walks back into his shared home with you. he looks around, and when there's no sign of you, he feels himself break apart even more. 

had you actually left? he wants to run to you and tell you he hadn't meant any of those words because he hadn't. he wants to touch you, to caress you, to please you, to make you smile—and he wants to admit he was wrong. he wants to make it right, but he doesn't know where you are. 

he walks into the empty bedroom, sitting on the cold mattress as his eyes sting. he doesn't understand what's happening, or why there are small drops of water falling from his eyes. he doesn't understand why everything feels heavy all of a sudden—his heart, his throat his lungs, everything. he doesn't understand why he feels like he's trapped in a box, and the water seems to be filling up more quickly than he'd prefer. he wants to reach for air, but he can't.

he couldn't breathe without you. 

he hears the door close and immediately gets up in haste to walk to the living room where he sees you take off your boots. you turn around to see him, his disheveled hair and frantic eyes finally calming as he walks over to you and engulfs you in a warm embrace. his throat cleared up, and so did his heart and lungs as he mumbles against your ear, "i'm so sorry."

you smile smally, looking up at him as you cup his cheeks and wipe a stray tear, and mutter, "it's okay, zhongli. stress gets to the best of us."

god, how he loves you. he places a small peck on the top of your forehead as he feels his lips turn upward at your touch and the scent of glaze lilies lingering over you tells him that you'd been to the flower garden. he sleeps with your fingers weaved with his that night and pulls you even closer if you untangle with him in sleep. 

he makes a promise to himself saying he'd never hurt you like that again, and he keeps it.

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[vv3nti]

liar — t. oikawa & h. iwaizumi

synopsis—a love triangle of unrequited love

warnings—angst , unrequited love , break-up , some aspects based off american high school , there may be a little ooc i'm still learning to writing the hq boys sorry :/

a/n—this is a one-shot i wrote i'm hoping to make into a series- i've started part two so that's promised if not a series, send an ask or wtv to be tagged for that <3

“I’m tired of hiding, Tooru. I’m tired of being kept a secret.” You said softly, twirling the necklace around your neck between two fingers. The weight of this relationship finally lifting off your shoulders, but that didn’t stop the inevitable thump growing in your throat. You love Oikawa, you really do, but you can’t keep going like this. Your heart won’t allow it. You want someone proud to show you off and cherish you with all they have. Maybe, your expectations were too high from the beginning; if you had set the bar lower, this all could have been avoided. Or if Oikawa truly cared for you, loved you as he said he did. Whatever the reason, the dull ache was too much to bear. “I can’t do this anymore; it hurts too much.”

Oikawa had not expected those words to leave your plush lips. No, he thought you’d complain again, he’d kiss it better, and you would forget about it, like usual. But this—this was the last thing he wanted to hear. You were happy; he was sure of it. What the hell provoked you to feel like this? “What do you mean? We agreed we would wait.”

“Yeah, months ago.” You wave your hand through the air. You had no intention of allowing the boy to dismiss your concerns, not again. “And every time I mention it, you disregard my feelings like they don’t matter.”

His eyebrows furrowed, a clear frown set on his face. “Of course, your feelings matter to me.”

“If that were true, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” Anxiety started creeping up your spine, a deep shiver demersing. You couldn’t help but feel off-put; if you didn’t end the conversation fast, you knew you’d slip back in his clutches. “Please, don’t make this any harder than it has to be. No one even knew we were together; that means things can go back to normal.”

“Normal?” He mumbled, eyes downcast to the floor. “What does that even mean? Nevermind that—is this about my fangirls? Because I can tell them to back off. Or Mei? Did she say something to you.” Oikawa’s calm demeanor began to wear off, and panic soon set it. The perfect picture he had planted in his head was decaying within the second, and he couldn’t manage the thought. He couldn’t even see the harsh reality behind his imagination; nothing about your relationship was ideal. Oikawa pushed you too far off the deep end, and as he tried to meet his own needs, he neglected yours.

His hands reached out to you, afraid you’d disappear if he didn’t get ahold of you soon.

The mention of his ex stung a little more than it should. But what are you supposed to feel? Tooru was publicly dating her for a lot longer than you've been together and you felt inferior to her in so many ways. They didn't break up on bad terms and you can't help but wonder if he still has feelings for her—it would justify his need to keep you a secret. “No! I’m done, I’m done with this, Tooru. This how couples are supposed to act; I don’t want to act like this. I’m sorry, but I can’t keep doing this. I need time, a break, anything but this.”

That night you both went home with a gaping hole in your chest and beds a little colder than before. Uncertainty crept in; was this a temporary break or a breakup. Neither of you had the answer.

You spent the first day of the long weekend cooped in your room, fresh tear streaks following the tracks on the old. On Sunday, you had to head to the school to decorate lockers for senior night or week in Sejohs case; the volleyball team had games on Tuesday and Friday this week. Luckily your appointed third year was Iwaizumi, so you didn’t have to trouble over an awkward encounter with Oikawa. Monday consisted of endless baking; it was safe to say you went slightly overboard. Assortments of brownies, cupcakes, mini cheesecakes, and peach cobbler aligned the countertops. One might say you’re a stress baker.

On the contrary, Oikawa spent his weekend hounding down on his team with tiring drills and repetitive rotations. His temper was short, and his attitude anything but playful. None of the club members wanted to be the one to confront their captain, leaving him alone in his thoughts—thoughts about you. At night he got little to no sleep, spending his sleepless nights replaying all his wrongs as if the answer will all of a sudden appear. But how is Oikawa supposed to fix a problem he didn’t even know what there.

Tuesday rolled around faster than anyone could have expected. You sat restlessly in the clubroom, waiting for Iwaizumi to meet you there. You requested him to join you in the room, considering you didn’t walk to school with him and Oikawa as you usually would. Regardless of where you interacted, you knew Iwa had many questions, and you’d preferably be interrogated in private than in front of the entire student body.

Iwa rushed into the room, school bag around his shoulder and one of his jerseys flailing in his hand. “Hey,” He spoke, his usually irritated tone nowhere to be heard. Upon seeing him, scorching anxiety rose in your chest. Deep breaths, Y/N, deep breaths. “I brought this.”

“Iwa, hi,” You chirped, hopping on the tabletop and embracing your friend—holding on a little tighter than usual. Despite your constant mantra of ‘I’m fine,’ you did long for some form of comfort. “Yes, right, thank you. Just set in on my bag. I want to show you what I made.” You dragged the boy by his hand to the table occupying your tasty treats. You figured he could share the desserts with the rest of the team once they won tonight. The hopeful look on your face slightly dropped. Iwa didn’t look as excited as you hoped for. Instead, he looked deep in thought, like something was bothering him.

“What’s going on?” He questioned quietly, finally meeting your puzzled eyes. “Come on, Y/N, you cook when you’re upset. Anyone who’s known you for more than a year knows that.”

Mouth ajar and eyes wide, you searched for an excuse to preach to Iwaizumi—although you know your attempts will be futile. Since you were in elementary school, you’ve grown up the boy and had no doubt he would read you like an open book. And if not you, then most definitely Oikawa. “Nothings going on; I just wanted you to have an array of options. Is that so bad? You could be a little more thankful, you know.”

“Of course, I’m thankful for all of this. But I’m going to find it a little concerning when Shittykawa is as quiet as a mouse, and you’ve got bags under your eyes from what? The hours you spent baking through the night?.” Iwa uttered, raising his voice a bit.

Unfortunately, that only further pushed you to the defensive stature. You wished he’d just leave it, shove it under a rug as you did this weekend. “Not everything I do involves Oikawa! If he’s acting weird, then you can ask him about that instead of undermining what I did for you!” You frantically grabbed your bag off the ground, planning to leave the room. “If you didn’t like it, you could have said thanks and thrown it away—”

“Hey, Hey,” A tight grip encloses around your bicep, halting your departure. “I’m sorry, I really like everything you did for me, you know cheesecake is my favorite. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi’s grip doesn’t falter, even as your teary eyes meet his own.

The lump grew in your throat as you fought back the waterworks. “We broke up, or I broke up with him, I guess. Can you even break up with someone who didn’t want you in the first place?” You said, through a broken sob. Iwa doesn’t say anything. He just stares at you with the same pitiful look you’ve seen a thousand times. His free hand moved to the side of your face, patting your hair a few times before he pushed your head into his chest. Words wouldn’t provide you with the support you needed, so Iwa simply let you cry in his embrace—secretly plotting all the ways he wanted to beat Oikawa’s ass.

He didn’t need to ask. He knew all the reasons why this happened. Hell, Hajime had seen the foreseeable future unravel when Oikawa presented your relationship.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be such a downer on game day.” You lifted your head, lightly brushing your palms along his uniform, waiting for your tears to dry. The door to the clubroom snapped open, hitting the opposing wall, prompting you and Iwa to rush apart. The look on the face read shocked, more towards the fact you didn’t need the club questioning why you were crying this early in the morning. But the brunette boy in front of you idly took a long, deep breath encouraging you to do the same.

“Oh, are we interrupting something?”

“Just Iwa and his not-girlfriend, what’s new?” Mattsun and Makki seemed to be having a good morning, and not even Iawizumi could shake them out of the teasing moods. Despite their playful banter, you couldn’t help but focus on the silent set of eyes following your movements, and something about his silence was off-putting.

You turned to the two, a sly smile planted on your lips. “I’m not even indulging,” Fake it til’ you make it. “But I did make a small arsenal of desserts, so help yourself-”

“If I decide to share with these idiots.”

“Help yourself-if Iwa chooses to so graciously gift you the pleasure.” You said sweetly, playfully bowing as Mattsun and Makki rolled their eyes. “I have to go to class, so enjoy, and good luck.”

“Here I got it.” Iwa offered, plucking your bag from the floor with a small smile. The kind gesture made your heart flutter, your mood beginning to lift simultaneously. Ever since you were little, Iwaizumi always seemed to know what you needed to feel better, almost like an institution. Maybe that’s why his tone was short and sharp when he told Oikawa to move away from the door as you tried to leave, you’re used to his cold demeanor, but it was unsettling. You didn’t want him to be this angry with his best friend because of you, although it was a little awarding.

Oikawa’s lips laid ajar, fumbling his thoughts to form a reasonable enough sentence. He wanted to say something astounding to you, something that gave you no choice but to come back to him. He planned it all day yesterday, but now as you hide behind Iwa, he drew a blank.

“I’m serious, Oikawa. Move.”

Oikawa hung his head in shame, shuffling to the side, allowing you and Iwa to exit the room. The overwhelming feeling of patheticness climbing his veins. He didn’t mind his best friend’s anger towards him, but this wasn’t rage. Iwaizumi was disappointed, and Tooru couldn’t shake his glare.

Practice was usually a time the boys could assert their worries into energy, but the thick tension left everyone unsettled. Today’s warmup was eerily different.

Tooru watched you bounce in and out of the gym with the rest of the cheer squad; Iwa’s jersey adorned your figure. His expression held that of a kicked puppy, and it was pissing off the rest of the team. They needed their captain in his best frame of mind if they wanted to win.

Hajime’s humorless laugh broke the silence. “I warned you, you know.” Oikawa shifted his attention. “I told you you’d only hurt her, and you continued reassuring me you wouldn't, time after fucking time. And...there was a time I believed you, but you’re a liar, and Y/N sees it too.”

Oikawa’s sadness morphed into anger, eyes twitching as he bit the inside of his cheek. “If I’m a liar, that makes you one too.” He sneered, eyes still downcast on the court. His emotions were on overdrive, plucking and pinching in his mind. Oikawa knew he should resort to this method of release, but he was losing all control.

The ace sucked in a sharp breath, eye blazing. “Yea, well, I can live with that. Can you?”

Coach cut the conversation short, asking why the boys weren’t warming up before the game. The captain and ace have begotten many altercations through the years, but they always found a way to convert their anger into power. Coach Irihata only hopes that proves true with tonight’s game.

You, on the other hand, had a million tasks to complete before you could settle down in the gym, so you ultimately missed the scuffle in the gym. Just that didn’t make you ignorant to the rising tension, and you couldn’t help but feel it was your fault.

[lucky-katebishop]

What I Read in September 2021

It's been a stagnant month, but I did find a couple favorites :) as usual, composed of mainly Harry Potter fics but there's a spare Modern Family fic in there and a couple crossovers. I think I read about 27-28 fics :)

Harry Potter

Family Relations by OxfordOctopus

Plot: In which Harry realizes that not even he's exempt from how interconnected magical families are.

Characters: Harry, Pavarti, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Hermione & Harry & Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Desi Potter Family; Desi Harry; Hogwarts third year; red-haired Harry Potter

*complete*

Talking to Thestrals by OxfordOctopus

Plot: In a world where Voldemort well and truly died in ‘81, where there are no Horcruxes, where Harry is sequestered off by a man in a flying motorcycle when he's six, and where the only legacy the most feared Dark Lord left behind was his politics and a heavily scarred child, nobody quite realizes that Harry isn’t okay. Nobody but the leathery creatures at the lake, and the girl who looks at them.

Characters: Harry, Luna

Relationships: Harry & Luna

Warnings: anxiety, dissociation, suicidal thoughts, bullying, implied/referenced child abuse, child neglect

Tags: Sirius Black Criticism; Hogwarts second year; Sirius Black Never Went to Azkaban; AU - No Voldemort;

My Notes: Now, I love Sirius just as much as the next girl, but this is such an interesting look at a man raising a kid when he wasn’t ready and the consequences of that (I relate a tad too strongly)

*complete*

Slytherin Politics by OxfordOctopus

Plot: Abused children don't respond well to power plays.

Characters: Harry, Draco, Theodore Nott, Daphne Greengrass

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

Tags: violence, broken bones, Slytherin Harry, bullying

My Notes: Harry is so truly terrifying in this fic, it’s wonderful

*complete*

rotten on the inside by cassiopeia721

Plot: Harry's boggart isn't Voldemort, or even a dementor. It's something much worse.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Hermione & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Hogwarts third year; boggarts; angst; protective Hermione; Hermione is a Good Friend

*complete*

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by IamShadow21

Plot: Questions asked, questions unasked, secrets told and secrets kept, trust, devotion, empathy and love. Ron and Harry's friendship, from that first day on the Hogwarts Express, right through until after the Battle. Can be read as a friendship fic, or a ship fic. It's open to interpretation.

Characters: Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Hermione, Arthur

Relationships: Harry/Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: canon compliant; canon-typical violence; friendship, hurt/comfort; protective Ron; Protective Fred; Protective George; gen or pre-slash; platonic cuddling; POV Ron

My Notes: now this could be read as pre-slash, as a relationship, or just good friends, but I am so completely head over heels in love with the idea of Harry and Ron! Best friends to lovers!

*complete*

Best Served Cold by enchantedsleeper

Plot: “C’mon, Freddie,” George says suddenly, sotto voce. “Sooner the four of us get out of here, the better.” It hadn’t been the right moment, as they were exploring the Dursleys’ comfortable house in the dead of night, to plant a well-timed trick or a trap and risk blowing the whole operation – and getting Harry into even more trouble with his sadistic relatives. Better just to get Harry out and away from that place. But two years later, Fred and George got their chance for revenge.

Characters: Harry, Fred, George, Ron, Arthur

Relationships: Harry & Ron; Harry & George & Fred

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Book 4; Harry is an honorary Weasley

*complete*

east, west, home’s best by taizi

Plot: You can never have too many brothers, Ron decides, for the very first time in his life. And there's always room in the Burrow for another Weasley, even if only an honorary one.

Characters: Harry, George, Ron, Fred

Relationships: Harry & Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Chamber of Secrets; families of choice

*complete*

live for today, hope for tomorrow by Vennat

Plot: Professors are Hogwarts are a little more observant and a little less likely to allow their students to be in harms way. OR A canon rewrite starting from book two, featuring friendship, angst, and a severe lack of oblivious characters.

Characters: Hermione, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Luna, Fred, George, Snape, Draco

Relationships: Hermione & Harry & Ron; Harry & George & Fred; Harry & Ginny; Luna & The Golden Trio; Harry & Snape; Draco & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; PTSD; panic attacks; blood; vomit; injury; food issues; depression

Tags: friendship; Harry has a saving people thing; mentor Snape; BAMF Harry; Smart Harry; canon rewrite; angst; Dumbledore bashing; Book 2; Harry is a Good Friend; Harry is Bad at Feelings

*complete* [part of a series; hasn’t been updated since 2020]

The Closest Distance Between Two People by StartledStarfish

Plot: In Harry's third year, no dementors boarded the Hogwarts Express in search of Sirius Black. Remus Lupin, the new defense professor, slept the whole way there. He did not wake to cast a patronus. Harry never passed out. Never heard his mother scream. Never saw the flash of green light. Never felt the unspeakable cold drain all the happiness out of him. So when Harry’s turn came to face the boggart, his greatest fear could not be a dementor. Harry blinked and looked up into the smiling face of Albus Dumbledore.

Characters: Harry, Ron, Remus, Dumbledore, Vernon, McGonagall

Relationships: Harry & Ron; Harry & Remus

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; childhood trauma, child neglect

Tags: boggarts, dementors, Dursley Family Bashing; Dumbledore Bashing; healing; angst with a happy ending; Ron makes sure nobody’s sad for long; friendship; laughter

*complete*

Grey Space by noaacat *favorite*

Plot: In 1991, Harry Potter begins his time at Stonewall High, unaware that he is anything more than a boy prone to freakish accidents. When he turns fourteen, he will receive a letter that will change his life. He will learn he is Harry Potter, and be invited into a world where belonging is his birthright. Until then, he stumbles on, two steps forward and one step back, out of the cupboard and into the life he was never meant to have.

Characters: Harry, The Dursleys, Dumbledore, lots of muggle OCs

Relationships: none

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; implied/referenced homophobia; child abuse; child neglect

Tags: AU: Hogwarts Starts Late

My Notes: This one! Is so good! The worldbuilding alone is amazing and the author really did make me immersed in the small sleepy town of Little Whinging. Please, if you read any fic on this list, read this one! It’s so good! Instant favorite!

*complete*

Iron by belleslettres

Plot: Draco also has a penchant for shirts with fiddly collars and cuffs and will not even entertain the notion of going anywhere looking like anything less than perfection. But Harry, who will do almost anything for Draco, refuses to iron them. “My aunt used to make me do all the ironing,” Harry says. “I hated it.”

Characters: Harry, Draco

Relationships: Draco/Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: fluff and angst; post-war; Epilogue what Epilogue; fluff; domestic fluff

*complete*

All That Stands in its Path by thebiwholived

Plot: "An old soul, people might say, and Molly has never quite been sure what such a person would look like, until the day her family meets the Boy Who Lived in a dingy train station on the way to school." Molly Weasley's perspective on the summer Harry Potter comes to stay.

Characters: Harry, Molly, Weasley Family

Relationships: Harry & Molly Weasley

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: canon compliant; book 2

*complete*

To See More Clearly by JellyShark

Plot: Harry didn't make it out of Privet Drive after blowing up Aunt Marge. He is alone, locked away, forgotten. To make things worse, his magic is changing, morphing into something unknown and terrifying. Harry returns to Hogwarts a changed boy, unable to hide the effects of his time with the Dursleys. His Third Year dawns, bringing with it a man who feels like home, a Hufflepuff Prefect, and a dog who reminds Harry of a time when he was loved.

Characters: Harry, Remus, Ron, Snape, Sirius, Hermione, Luna, Cedric, Neville, McGonagall

Relationships: Sirius/Remus; pre Cedric/Harry; Remus & Harry; Hermione & Ron & Harry; Cedric & Harry; Sirius & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: Harry Needs a Hug; Harry is an Empath; Smart Harry; Magically Powerful Harry; Mentor Remus; flawed but well-meaning Dumbledore; book 3; book 4; Snape gets worse before he gets better; angst; hurt/comfort

*incomplete* [last updated August 2021]

Holidays by diogxnes

Plot: While his housemates discuss the upcoming holidays, Harry cannot help but think of how he never experienced a real Christmas with the Dursleys. Ron notices.

Characters: Harry, Ron, Lavender Brown, Seamus Finnigan

Relationships: Harry & Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: book 1; missing scene; canon compliant; emotional hurt/comfort; hurt/comfort; Ron Weasley is a Good Friend

*complete*

Closing In by silver_fish

Plot: Harry supposes he’ll never know how they learned about the cupboard under the stairs. He also supposes he’ll never know how they managed to make him so afraid of it, all these years later.

Characters: Harry, Hermione, Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, claustrophobia, implied/referenced torture, codependency, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, therapy

Tags: post-war; hurt/comfort; touch-starved; guilt; Harry centric; false memories

My Notes: This one made me emotionally exhausted but it’s written super well

*complete*

Adjustments by Velvet_Riptide

Plot: With the Second Wizarding War over, Sirius is more than excited to put everything behind him and raise Harry as his own. However, he and Remus begin to notice odd and troubling behaviors from Harry. Without answers from the source, Sirius turns to Harry's previous guardians--Molly and Arthur Weasley--and learns Harry is still making adjustments from his time with the Dursley's.

Characters: Harry, Sirius, Remus, Molly, Arthur, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Sirius/Remus; Hermione/Ron; Remus & Harry; Sirius & Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; childhood trauma; PTSD

Tags: hurt/comfort; coparenting; Harry lived in the Burrow for several years with the Weasleys before moving to 12 Grimmauld Place;

*complete*

Two Things by TheDivineComedian

Plot: Harry is only four years old and the Dursleys are already mean.

Characters: Harry, Petunia, Vernon, Dudley, imaginary Lily, imaginary James

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

*complete*

How to be happy by TheDivineComedian

Plot: The Patronus charm requires a happy memory. Harry Potter doesn't have many, and the Dementors get Sirius, after all. But the story is far from over.

Characters: Harry, Remus, Sirius, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Harry & Sirius; Harry & Remus; Remus & Sirius

Warnings: major character death; implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: creepy; heartwarming; dementors; Hogwarts third year

My Notes: this one is a fucking doozy good lord (the tags say heartwarming but w h e r e)

*complete*

Knowledge is a Rose by Magi_Silverwolf

Plot: When Harry discovered that he had a name, he clung to that information and all that it entailed. After learning more information about his past, nothing and everything changed.

Characters: Harry

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; physical abuse; verbal abuse; mental abuse

Tags: emotional hurt; identity issues

*complete*

No Love for the Wicked by VigilanteVampire4311

Plot: Harry Potter was the Boy-Who-Lived. The Golden Boy. The Chosen One. But it turns out when you run head first into an unknown magical artifact and end up in a void, none of that matters. Now he's in a different time with familiar strangers who just can't seem to understand the new transfer student, Harrison Miller. With a Defense teacher he can't let his guard down for a second around, the Marauders hounding the 'mysterious' new Slytherin, and his housemates who cannot fathom a muggleborn being among them, Harry has to wonder whether fate hates him or if he is really a trouble-making freak like the Dursleys always said.

Characters: Harry, James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Regulus, Snape, Tom Riddle, Pomfrey

Relationships: Harry & James; Harry & Lily; Sirius & Harry; Remus & Harry; Regulus & Harry; Harry & Tom Riddle; Pomfrey & Harry

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence; implied/referenced child abuse; possessive behavior; depression; non-consensual touching

Tags: The Veil; Slytherin Harry; Marauders are kinda assholes; Tom Riddle is not Voldemort yet; Severus is so done; alternate universe; angst; hurt/comfort; bullying; time travel; Marauders Era

My Notes: so far with 7 chapters in, we haven’t yet gotten to Harry interacting with anyone from the past but it’s still written really well

*incomplete* [last updated September 2021]

The snake in the daffodils by SpicyReyes *favorite*

Plot: Harry follows Sirius through the Veil of Death, and stumbles out on the other side of the Mirror of Erised, under a strange spell and stranded in an unfamiliar Hogwarts.

Characters: Harry, Remus, Regulus, Harry, Ron, James, Lily, Sirius

Relationships: Regulus/James; Sirius/Remus; Draco/Harry

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence; discussions of suicide; discussions of self-harm; suicidal ideation; implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: universe jumping; Hogwarts fifth year; misunderstandings; miscommunication; basically everyone thinks harry wants to die but he is actually just hella confused

My Notes: so, so good! And if you like this one I recommend The Devil’s White Knight which is really similar in concept

*incomplete* [last updated 2020]

been waiting a lifetime (to be with you) by justprompts

Plot: The next time he woke, Potter was shaking him awake. Just, just not the right one. He had hazel eyes for one, and class. This was not Harry Potter. This was - Well, he had just woken up and who accepts the delightfully altering time-related facts of life right as they wake up?

Characters: Harry, Dumbledore; Peter Pettigrew; Prewett Twins; Marlene McKinnon; Sirius; Remus; Lily; James; Draco; Alice & Frank Longbottom; Regulus; Draco

Relationships: Draco/Harry; James/Lily; Sirius/Remus; Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadows; Alice/Frank Longbottom; Regulus & Sirius; Regulus & Draco

Tags: time travel fix-it; Marauders Era; Horcrux hunting; everyone lives/nobody dies; master of death Harry; light-hearted; POV multiple; Harry doesn’t need to be dark/evil to be master of death; irregular and slow updates; mutual pining

*incomplete* [last updated May 2021]

The Gospel Truth by twentysevensummers

Plot: When Harry arrives at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place with a black eye, he has more trouble than expected keeping the truth from Sirius.

Characters: Harry, Sirius, Remus

Relationships: Sirius & Harry

Warnings: referenced/implied child abuse; child neglect

Tags: book 5; hurt/comfort; angst; Harry needs a hug; good godparent Sirius Black; number 12 grimmauld place

*complete*

o children, lift up your voice by orphan_account

Plot: "i don't know if they could've put a flap in the door of the cupboard, now that i think about it," harry laughs nervously. "dunno if it would've fit onto it. since it's smaller than the bedroom door." hermione and ron's heads both shoot up. "what?" ron asks. "excuse me?" hermione says.

Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione

Relationships: Hermione & Harry & Ron

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: friendship; slight canon divergence; character study; second war with Voldemort; physical affection; lots of hugs

My Notes: this one is so good and if you can get past the fact that the author doesn’t capitalize anything, you’re good to go (although it was difficult to get past that at first for myself)

*complete*

Muggle Management by LadyWinterlight, NerdyKat

Plot: What happens if Hermione notices signs of abuse in Harry during first year? The Wizarding World may not have laws against it, but the Muggle World certainly does...

Characters: Harry, Hermione, Mrs Granger, Mr. Granger

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: family

*complete*

Harry Potter & Other Fandoms

Masked Men and Where to Find Them by tinyrose65

Fandoms: Harry Potter & Daredevil & MCU

Plot: Harry Potter moved to Hell's Kitchen because she wanted a fresh start: time away from the spotlight, where she could focus on being the best Healer she could be. Trust the unconscious man in her dumpster to go and complicate things.

Characters: Harry, Matt Murdock

Relationships: Harry/Matt; past Harry/Draco

Warnings: past domestic abuse; implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: female!Harry

My Notes: this is the first in a series and the second one is also incomplete but they’re both very good and the second one has Jessica Jones!

*incomplete* [last updated 2016]

Magic and Masks by Akoia

Fandoms: Harry Potter & DC Comics

Plot: Harry Potter is anything but normal, thank you very much, he just didn't hold such nonsense as that. Follow him on his adventures through the Wizarding world and muggle world as he struggles to understand who he is, and fight the destiny that's been chosen for him.

Characters: Harry; Dick Grayson; Jason Todd; Bruce Wayne; Alfred Pennyworth; the Dursleys

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse; canon typical violence

Tags: fluff and angst

My Notes: this is a series with six parts!

*incomplete* [last updated 2020]

Modern Family

Breaking & Entering: (The Start Of) A Love Story by dollsome

Plot: "Oh my God," Mitchell says, "this is insane." It is, for the record. It is actually ... insane.

Characters: Mitchell, Cameron

Relationships: Mitchell Pritchett/Cameron Tucker

Warnings: none

Tags: none

*completed*

[imkylotrash]

Cornelia Street (You Look Happier Part 2)

Summary: Hardin leaves reader for Tessa and reader calls Zed to help her. 

Warnings: Slut-shaming, swearing

A/N: I didn’t list pairing, because I don’t want to give anything away. Also I will publish a part 3 in the next couple of days, so I hope you’re ready. 

Tagging: @justyouraveragedorkygirl​

READ PART 1 READ PART 3 READ PART 4 READ EPILOGUE

The drive to Zed’s place is quiet leaving you to be suffocated by your thoughts. At some point, Zed reached over to grab hold of your hand and now you’re clinging onto it like a lifeline. How is it possible to exist when your heart has decided to stop beating? It’s as if you feel nothing but pain anymore. Pain and anger towards Hardin for staying when he didn’t want to. For going behind your back and confirming all your insecurities. Molly had been right that day; he wasn’t your Hardin anymore, he was Tessa’s. And it broke you. 

“Drink some water.” You’re sitting in Zed’s apartment with no idea how you got from the car and inside. You accept the glass of water but make no effort to drink it. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks earning nothing but silence from you. Somewhere in your brain you register his concern but right now you can’t focus on anything other than your breathing. Grief has paralysed you in the worst way possible and you hate it. You hate how weak you’ve turned over a silly boy.

“Say something so I know you’re still there,” Zed says trying to lighten the mood. 

“Tessa,” you rasp hoping it’ll explain your behaviour, hoping that he’ll put the pieces together and understand what’s happened. Understand why you’ve fallen apart. 

“Please tell me he didn’t.” You nod your head and Zed stops talking because he knows the kind of pain you’re in and he knows you need to process this slowly. So you sit there for a long time before you finally look over at Zed. He’s there and he’s ready to listen but you don’t want to talk. You want to do something that will help absolutely nothing and you’ll cry about tomorrow but you’re not thinking clearly as you crawl over to sit on his lap. 

“Make me forget him.” It’s cruel really because you know he’s had a crush on you since you started college but the world is cruel and you just don’t have it in you to think about feelings that aren’t your own right now. 

“Y/N, I can’t.” It’s meant as a rejection but he doesn’t mean it. You can tell that he wants this to be true and real. He wants you to want him the way he’s wanted you for such a long time but now you’re this broken puzzle that might be too hard to solve. 

“Please.” The word comes out as a whimper and if you’d been more coherent you’d probably be mortified by how pathetic you’re acting right now. But you’re not and Zed is fighting a losing battle. 

“I want this to be real, Y/N. I want to make you feel safe, but not like this. I don’t want to be second best to him.” He’s speaking faster than normal trying to get his point across before this goes too far. You’re kissing his neck and ignoring every word he’s saying. As you grind your hips, you feel him move beneath you. 

“Hardin will kill me for this,” he says and the name brings you back to Zed’s apartment. You scramble off of him instead sitting as far away as the sofa lets you. 

“I’m sorry,” you say not ready to realise how close you came to ruining your friendship with Zed. 

“I get it. I’m a safe option.” His eyes refuse to meet yours but you both know it’s the truth. Through everything Zed has been a safe habor that you’ve turned to over and over whenever you and Hardin argued. It’s not been fair on Zed but you haven’t known how to stop searching for him. He’s your best friend but he’ll never be more. It hurts to know that you can’t give him what he wants. 

“You’re not an option, Zed. You’re my best friend. You’re the person I need.” 

“But not the person you want,” he interrupts. There are no words that could help him right now so you reach over and take his hand in yours the way he did in the car. It’s support and love even if it’s not the love he want. In a perfect world, you’d want Zed. The two of you would get married after college and have kids at 30 when you’ve both had time to live your own lives. But it’s not a perfect world and you don’t want Zed like that. So instead the two of you sit together holding hands as your hearts are breaking fast and slow all at the same time. 

It takes you two weeks before you’re ready to return to campus. Zed lets you crash at his place because first and foremost you’re best friends and this is what best friends do for each other. And you both know that Hardin will show up at your apartment to see you. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asks as you’re turning a corner. 

“I don’t know. I’m scared I’ll meet him but I also want to see him. Does that make sense?” Your faithful companion just nods knowingly as he always does. There’s an unspoken understanding between the two of you and it’s been the only thing keeping you sane.

“I’ll meet you after first period, okay? Wait for me.” He kisses your forehead softly before leaving for his morning classes. As he turns around, his face connects with Hardin’s fist. 

“What the hell is this?” he yells looking over at you. There’s an anger in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. He looks good, even had the time to add a tattoo to his sleeve. It pisses you off that she was probably holding his hand while he got it. 

“Walk away, Hardin.” You’re so mad you’re shaking but you just don’t have it in you to have a screaming match with Hardin right now. Instead you turn your focus to Zed who’s slowly getting back on his feet. 

“Are you okay?” Zed nods and wipes a little blood from his nose before coming over to stand next to you - loyal to the bitter end.

“Are you seriously with him now? Didn’t take you long to replace me!” He spits out the words and you can tell he’s hoping they’ll break you all over. Hardin is nothing but not persistent in his methods. 

“What I do is none of your concern anymore, Hardin. You made sure of that yourself.”

“I’d dumped you sooner if I’d known you were such a whore.” It’s like you’re standing on the other side of the road observing it all from a distance. His words are meant to cut you like knives but you just feel empty. These last couple of weeks have drained you and now you have nothing left to give. Why he’s even bothered now that he has Tessa is a question you have no answer for. You’d figured he would be too busy with her to even notice you. 

“Don’t talk to her like that!” Zed intercepts ready to fight Hardin right then and there but you spot security slowly walking towards the three of you. Hardin is once again making quite a scene but you and Zed don’t have the same kind of protection from the Chancellor that Hardin does. You can’t risk getting caught up in this. 

“You already broke me, Hardin. I have nothing left for you to take so please just go back to Tessa.” Without another word you take Zed’s hand and leads the two of you away from college not even caring how it looks to Hardin. You’ll have to miss another day. You can’t face those hallways again - they hold all the small touches and sweet nothings shared between you and Hardin. 

“I’m transferring,” you tell Zed as you’re approaching his car. You haven’t thought about it before but after seeing Hardin you’ve realised that it’s too much for you. The college holds too much for you to face it again. The kind of heartbreak Hardin caused you is something that time won’t mend. 

“Me too. I don’t want to see his face ever again.” You look over at Zed and realises that you’re not the only one Hardin’s hurt. You remember his last relationship that Hardin turned into a game. 

“Where should we go?” you ask. 

“Seattle? I’ve always wanted to go there.” And just like that it’s decided. Of course there’s all the paper work when you decide to switch school in the middle of a semester, but you both manage to transfer within a month. You find a crappy apartment not too far from campus. Even though you’re both thinking about it, none of you mention Hardin again. You apply for intern jobs and even manages to get an interview at Vance Publishing. It’s a new branch but you already know the company. It’s the one Hardin left right after first semester but for once the reminder of Hardin doesn’t cut your heart. So when you’re standing in front of the huge building Wednesday afternoon, you can actually breathe. 

“Hold the elevator!” you yell walking faster. Thankfully, the guy in the elevator holds the door for you. 

“Thank you.” He smiles as you walk past him into the elevator. 

“Are you new here?” he asks pressing the button for the 3rd floor. 

“I’m here for an interview,” you reply and take a second to look at him. He’s pretty. A cute smile and judging by his vibe and choice of clothes definitely no tattoos. He’s nothing like your usual type and definitely nothing like Hardin. Something about that draws you in. 

“Oh, I hope you get it then.” It’s a sweet thing to say really and it calms your nerves. 

“Thank you.” The elevator opens and he steps out. The moment gone. 

“I’m Trevor by the way. I hope to see you around.” 

[samanthadalton]

Slowly falling (part 3 finale)

And here we are!! last part of the fic, I hope you guys enjoyed it. I ended it just at the end of the pool scene but I know in my version, Nicole is dead so the story would obviously play out different. So in this version, Nicole is actually a vampire and when Kamilah buried her, it helped Nicole not turn feral since Vega fed her his blood before the attack on the castle. So Nicole would obviously come out during the tribunal to back up Vega’s claims in which Adrian would be found guilty and then the gang will break him out and you guys know the rest :)

also i took some lines from the book, bc the pool scene is just too good :))))

slightly NSFW (but quite tame but I’ll tag it as that anyway)  also mentions of death 

taglist: @cloud9in @alleycat97 @thedaft1 @mrs-avamontjoy @itszdavenport @iamsimpforpoppy @otakufangirl-12 @orisasay @justavampirefan @waterinathermostat @bloodkueen @dimis-yiddies @alexlabhont @thepotatobleh @mara-re @fundamentalromantic 

wordcount: 2.5k 

Amy wakes up, dazed. Her eyelids feel heavy as she blinks away the last remains of her sleep, wondering when she went to sleep in the first place. As she takes in her surroundings, she sees she’s in Kamilah’s office, laying on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, unsure of where it has come from as the sun begins to set. She rubs her eyes sitting up to see Lily typing away at Kamilah’s desk, looking slightly zombified as her fingers fly over the keyboard. 

“Hey Lil?” As if in her own world, Lily continues typing, her eyes never leaving the screen. Amy amplifies her voice louder to capture her attention, “Lily!” 

“Huh,” Lily jerks her head up, her concentration breaking. “Hey Ames.” She tiredly rubs at her eyes, shaking her head a little before mustering a small smile, “sleep well?” 

Amy yawns a little smiling back, “yeah, this couch is pretty comfy. Thanks for the blanket.” 

“Oh that was Kamilah, I haven’t gotten out of this chair since we’ve come back from the gala.” Lily stretches before continuing with her typing, already back in full attention. Amy looks down at the blanket, hugging it closer to her body, feeling a glimmer of something she can’t quite put her finger on. 

“So have you found any evidence yet?” 

Lily shakes her head, “whatever Vega is hiding, he’s done a damn good job because it’s heavily encrypted, I’ve broken past so many firewalls but it feels like there's millions.” Lily runs hand down her face, “Oh yeah, Kamilah said that if you wanted to clean up she left a key to one of the rooms.” Lily gestures towards the table before refocusing. Amy stands, and swipes the key from the table before making her way to the room to clean up. Once she’s finished taking a shower, Amy chooses a new outfit from the closet and makes her way back to the office. 

“Good you’re here.” Kamilah lets her gaze roam Amy’s body for a few seconds before meeting her eyes. Amy can see the fatigueness in her demeanour, how her body is slightly slumped and her hair slightly frizzled. 

“Are there any updates?” 

Kamilah shakes her head, “not yet. If only Lily could do her job better we could actually get the evidence,” Kamilah retorts, a hint of malice in her tone. 

Frustrated Lily slams down on the desk, “hey I’ve been working on this all day. My skills are the best of the best, it’s just Vega’s is better.” Lily, downcast, looks down at the screen, her head spiralling at the sight of the numbers on the screen. 

Kamilah sighs heavily, her head hanging low, “I apologize. I’m just frustrated.” Lily musters a small smile and continues typing away on the keyboard but Kamilah stands from her chair and lays her hand over the young vampire’s stopping her, “I think that’s enough.” 

“But Adrian-” 

“He will know we did our best with the time we had. There are only a couple of hours until the tribunal, it’s inconsequential at this point.” 

“But how will we know what Vega is hiding?” Amy interferes. 

Kamilah looks at Amy, “we won’t until it’s presented.” Her head turns back to Lily, “I think since you and Amy were at the castle it’s only fitting that you two testify on Adrian’s behalf.”  

“Of course,” the girls say simultaneously. 

Kamilah gives a satisfied nod, ”we’ll reconvene in an hour, I’m going to go for a swim. Lily you should get some sleep.” Kamilah makes her way to the door but before she leaves she throws her head over her shoulder, her eyes blazing into Amy’s, “and Amy you’re welcome to join me.” Kamilah turns her head and continues walking. 

Amy looks in surprise as she whispers to Lily, “what should I do?” 

“Girl why are you still here? Go!” Lily shoos Amy out of the door. 

Amy trudges up to Kamilah as they wordlessly enter the elevator together. Amy can see a hint of a smile on Kamilah’s lips as they go up to the rooftop. As the doors open, Amy lets out a short gasp. A gorgeous pool lies in the middle of the rooftop, the water glimmering under the moonlight as the stars sparkle overhead. 

“Woah, and I thought Adrian’s rooftop restaurant was nice.” 

Kamilah merely shrugs her shoulders, “Adrian finds solace in the company of others. I find it in solitude. Swimming here alone, under the stars...it brings me peace.” 

Amy cocks her head slightly to look at the other vampire, “but you invited me up here.” 

“So I did.” Kamilah replies, Amy waits for something, instead Kamilah paces over to the bar, reaching behind it. She gives Amy a conspiratorial look, “drink?” 

“Sure, I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

Kamilah begins mixing together a concoction of liquor before pouring it into 2 glasses. She hands one of the glasses to Amy before settling down on a lounge chair. Amy assesses the milky white liquid before taking a small sip, she squirms slightly as she coughs slightly, “it’s certainly strong!” 

“That’s what makes it good,” Kamilah watches as Amy takes a bigger sip, her features in more control as she enjoys the drink, “It’s Arak. Distilled from anise seed.” Kamilah takes a huge gulp of the drink as she looks out to the sky, while Amy takes a seat on the lounge chair near her. 

“Thank you Kamilah.” 

“For what?” 

Amy shrugs as she gazes off into the distance, her hand swirling the drink in the cup, “everything I guess. For helping Lily, Adrian,” she pauses, “me.” 

“Of course, I know Adrian would do the same if he were in my position.” 

Amy nods, “knowing him, he probably would.” 

Kamilah gives Amy a side glance, looking for something but she can’t quite put her finger on it. When she doesn’t find what she’s searching for, she places her drink down and begins unbuttoning her shirt before sliding it off her body, exposing her smooth toned upper body. 

Amy's eyes widen, “oh!” She awkwardly glances away, as Kamilah places her hands on her trousers, smoothly slipping them off. “You’re taking off your clothes. That’s a thing you’re doing.” Amy gulps uneasily, trying her damndest not to make her gawking conspicuous. 

“Well I’m not going to swim in my suit,” Kamilah bluntly answers as she enters the swimming pool. She begins swimming a few laps as Amy looks at the water droplets glimmering off of her body, only accentuating her curves more. She stops swimming before looking up at Amy expectedly, “coming?” 

Amy pauses momentarily before nodding, “yes,” she hesitantly glances over at Kamilah whose gaze is still burning on her, as she slips off her clothes, folding them neatly onto the chair before she dives into the pool. When she reaches the surface, she slicks back her wet hair, “it’s cold.” 

“Is it? I didn’t notice.” Amy turns on her back and floats towards Kamilah who’s already aimlessly floating, together they stare up at the sky, lost in the shimmering of the stars. A few moments later Kamilah breaks the silence, “it’s funny,” when she speaks her usual commanding hilt is gone and replaced with something softer, more resonating with the voice Kamilah used when she was helping Amy after discovering Nicole’s body. “How old are you Amy 23?” 

“24,” Amy replies.

Kamilah chuckles, “I remember that age. I thought I knew everything. I thought I’d felt all there was to feel. I imagine you feel the same way.” 

Amy gingerly answers, “I guess? I mean I feel like I’ve been through a lot.” Kamilah turns her head to face Amy, and when their eyes meet, the older vampire’s eyes look so deep they almost look bottomless.

“Have you ever been in love?” 

The question catches Amy off guard, as she shoots her eyebrows up. “Once.” Kamilah curiously cocks her head as she appraises the tenderness in Amy’s tone. Amy gazes back up to the sky, as if the stars are painted in her eyes, “Christopher. He- he was a childhood friend of mine. Everyone used to always make jokes that we were dating but it wasn’t until we were freshman in highschool when he asked me out.” Amy’s lips quirk up slightly, “I felt like the happiest girl in the world. We both even agreed to go to college in New York. He got into Columbia and I got into NYU.” 

“What happened?” 

“Our first year in college was the worst.” Amy’s eyes darken, a somber look in her eyes as she recollects, “we agreed to live together while we were in college but we ended up fighting all the time. During our Sophomore year, we agreed to break up. I moved out and ended up moving in with Lily.” Amy lets out an airy laugh, “but that’s a story for another time. Anyway, I was so heartbroken during my college years, I tried moving on but it didn’t feel right. Fast forward to the end of my Junior year and we randomly bumped each other. We got to talking and decided to get back together again. We agreed to take it slow, so I was still living with Lily.” 

“Well I’m guessing it didn’t work out.” 

“No.” Amy’s eyes glisten with tears as she blinks them away, her voice becomes hoarse as she continues, “a few months after college, Chris, he was- he was walking through the park, and I guess he was attacked by a wild animal but the police found his body torn to pieces.” 

Kamilah grimaces, and apologetically reaches out to Amy, and rubs her arm, “I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“Now that I think about it, it wasn’t a wild animal.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I keep getting flashbacks to what happened in Marcel’s castle. The bodies, the way they were shredded to pieces I-” Amy cuts herself off, as she swallows down her sobs. 

“You think it was a feral?” Kamilah knits her brows together, following suit as Amy pulls herself out of the pool, grabbing a towel to dry herself off.

“I know it is. It’s why I became so triggered I guess, with everything that happened with Nicole. All the memories of his body just came flooding back and I panicked. I-” Amy closes her eyes, taking a slow steadying breath. 

“I’m sorry for asking, I did not realise this was a sore subject.” 

Amy shakes her head, “it’s not your fault, it’s just hard sometimes. For months I didn’t leave my house and it wasn’t until Lily practically forced me to start being more outgoing. She’s the one who told me to go for the job of Adrian’s assistant.” 

“I guess we have to thank her for that.” Kamilah speaks softly, her eyes boring into Amy’s and Amy can see the genuinity behind her eyes. 

“So why did you ask about my love life?” 

Kamilah presses her lips together in thought, “mere curiosity. It’s been a while since I’ve spent my time with someone with so many attachments. The company of vampires tends to make you jaded. It’s nice to be with someone so uncynical. So open to new possibilities.” 

Amy gives Kamilah a small smile, “well you’re welcome for giving you a fresh perspective.” Amy smiles hoping to alleviate the tension a little bit, but the somber look on Kamilah’s face causes her to knit her brows together in thought, huh, she thinks to herself. Maybe Kamilah isn’t as tough as she makes out to be. “Kamilah?” 

Kamilah hums, “yes?” 

“Doesn’t everyone have someone they’re attached to, I mean without Lily, I don’t know where I would be today.” 

Kamilah purses her lips in thought, “no, no they don’t.” 

“But you love Adrian.” 

“I’m quite fond of him, yes. Which perhaps is an illusion itself, because he reminds me of my brother.” 

“But you have loved.” 

“Many times.” Kamilah’s face drops, her voice quiet, “and lost. Just as many.” When Amy meets her eyes, she can see the sadness brimming in the surface of them, 2000 years worth of pain and loss just merely breaking the surface.

“2000 years is a long time.” 

“It defies imagining.” 

“You’re right. I can’t imagine even a small percent of what you’ve seen.” 

“And I’ve seen a lot. I’ve watched empires rise and fall. I’ve watched the world transform right in front of me and yet I-” Kamilah presses her lips together in a thin line, a pensive look on her face. Kamilah sharply inhales, “I’ve felt everything that there is to feel, I’ve loved, lost, grieved, but now, I feel like an empty vessel. Just detached from everything.” Kamilah looks away, as Amy watches as she transforms her expression back into her usual icy demeanour, as if the last few minutes did not exist. 

“I might not know a lot Kamilah,” Amy takes a step towards the older vampire, “but I know that you are so much more than you think you are.” 

“Please,” Kamilah scoffs, but behind the harshness, Amy can see she’s touched by her words. 

“I’m serious. You are incredible. I’m purely in awe of you every single moment.” 

“You don’t need to fuel my ego, I don’t need your pity.” 

“Pity isn’t what I feel at all.” 

“Oh? And what do you feel?” And in that moment, Amy can see the earnestness in Kamilah’s words. 

“Connection. Admiration,” Amy hesitates for a second, “infatuation.” 

Kamilah raises an eyebrow as Amy takes a step closer to her, closing the gap between the two. Wordlessly, Amy tilts her head up, and presses a soft kiss against Kamilah’s lips. When Kamilah doesn’t reciprocate the kiss, she steps back flushed, “I’m sorry.” 

Kamilah places her forefinger against Amy’s lips silencing her, “don’t be.” 

In her eyes shine conviction as her finger trails down Amy’s body before her hand cups her hip, Kamilah leans down, capturing Amy in a long kiss, the kiss full of ecstasy, driving Amy into a euphoric state. Kamilah kisses Amy harder, her tongue snakes into her mouth, eliciting a small moan from the human. Kamilah groans slightly, her hold on Amy’s waist tightening as she leads her to the lounge chair before pushing Amy flat out on it, covering her body with hers. Kamilah dominates the kiss, her kiss full of passion, as if she’s yearning for the desire it brings her. Her eyes flash red as her knee pressing against Amy’s core, evoking a small moan from the girl. Kamilah smiles devilishly, as Amy’s hips buck against her knee, slowly rubbing trying to gain any friction that will bring her pleasure. Kamilah brings her hand under Amy’s chin and kisses her breathless. Eventually the kiss breaks for the much needed air, and the atmosphere is quiet, but charged with electricity. Kamilah rests her forehead against Amy’s as the human pants heavily, and as their eyes meet, everything feels different. 

“We should get going, the tribunal is soon.” Amy swallows heavily and nods, the wind still knocked out of her after the kiss. Kamilah smiles as she climbs off her, and offers her hand for Amy to stand. “Come on.” The women silently make their way to the elevator, but Amy feels different, she feels something that she hasn’t felt since Chris and as she gazes at Kamilah, she can see she feels the same. 

[moonflowerlesbians]

41 and 45 please. Just can't get enough of your stories

first of all you're so sweet 🥺 second, I did these and I batched in another one for a longer story and the obligatory soft nightmare fic, so I hope that's okay :)

18. "I'm embarrassed." "Don't be." 41. "Is that my shirt?" "Is...is that okay?" 45. "Don't say anything. Just...just lay here with me."

cw for mentions of child abuse

~~~

The motel bed is empty when Dani drifts awake, feeling in the dark for the warm mass that indicates Jamie is sound asleep beside her. Instead, empty air and rumpled sheets greet her, and she frowns. Still lingering in that semi-sweet state of half-consciousness, somewhere between dream and reality, she registers the shadow of the bathroom light through the crack in the door, which stands slightly agape.

Ah.

She rolls over, tugging the duvet over her exposed arms and sparing a quick glance at the clock on the nightstand 3:27 a.m., it reads. Dani yawns and readjusts the pillow supporting her neck. The doctor had said it would help with the stiffness in her shoulders and upper back in the morning, said she had a tendency to sleep curled up like she was protecting herself. Unsurprising, she had thought at the time.

Long minutes pass, faint moonlight trickling through sheer curtains to adorn the carpeted floors with tigerstripes of silver and blue. Dani rolls over again, flipping onto her stomach, her arm coming to rest alongside her head. Jamie’s pillow remains vacant. Dani sighs.

The floor is bracing beneath her bare feet, and she recoils, suddenly regretting the decision to leave the relative warmth of the blankets. Steeling herself, she pads across the room. Dim light filters under the bathroom door, and she can make out muted noises from within.

“Hey,” Dani says quietly, giving the wood three light raps with her knuckles. “You okay?” The noises stop.

“’M fine,” Jamie’s voice comes muffled through the door. “Y’can go back to bed.”

Another night, maybe, Dani would have listened. Another time, perhaps, if she had not spent weeks, months, learning the intricacies and peculiarities of Jamie’s vocal pattern, Dani would have returned to the comfort of their queen bed and fallen back into a pleasant sleep. At another time, maybe, Dani would have ignored the hoarseness of Jamie’s voice, the sandpaper-rough scratch of the syllables against her throat, the subtle distress cloaked in a layer of false nonchalance.

Dani rests her forehead against the cool wood, the metal of the doorknob in one hand. “Can I come in?”

Silence, for a moment, then shuffling. The click of an unlatched lock. “Yeah.”

She inches the door open. Jamie sits on the floor of the bathtub, knees drawn up to her chest. Strands of brown hair are sweat-matted to her forehead, others sticking up haphazardly, streaked through with shaky finger lines. Grey eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, with a tired stare that wrenches at Dani’s heart.

“You got room in there for one more?” Dani says gently, crossing to crouch on the tile floor.

Jamie breathes shakily. “Sure.” She slides to make room for Dani, who sits cross-legged, her knees bent at a slightly awkward angle due to the nature of the tub. From this new perspective, she can see the piece of fabric balled tight between Jamie’s thighs and her chest.

“Is that my shirt?”

Jamie swallows, a flash of alarm flickering across her features, and her voice is small, so small and so, so frail. “Is... is that okay?”

Dani’s brow furrows. “No, um, yes, yeah, that’s... that’s okay.”

Jamie mumbles something that Dani doesn’t quite catch.

“Sorry?”

“Was in the dirty pile, so I thought... Doesn’t matter. Should’ve asked.” She can’t quite meet Dani’s gaze, and she’s gripping the lilac sweater so hard her knuckles have gone white.

“No, it’s okay. It’s fine,” Dani says, trying her very best to sound reassuring and not as though she’s talking to a cornered animal.

Jamie has not been forthcoming when it comes to information about herself, not since the night before... well. It has been nearly four months since leaving Bly, and Dani feels a bit like an archaeologist, uncovering fragments of a broken past little by little. Some days, she finds nothing, not even an arrowhead, something to point her in the right direction. Other days, it is as if she discovers a bit of parchment thought lost to civilization, a scrap of knowledge to help translate the whole. A perfectly preserved piece of Jamie in the form of a passport, a solitary photograph from a time Jamie no longer speaks of, the dogeared pages of a beat-up paperback.

“Do you think,” Dani begins, cautious, slow, “you could tell me...why?” There is an out she leaves. A minute shake of Jamie’s head, and she would back away, drop the subject at her feet for another day.

Jamie peers at her through clumped lashes. “Which bit?” She asks with a sardonic sort of chuckle, swiping at her nose. “The bit about your jumper or the bit about being a blubbering mess at three in the goddamn mornin’.”

“Both, if you’re up for it.”

Jamie studies her, blinking in the hazy light as though searching for something, like she expects Dani to laugh as if she’s the butt of a sorry joke.

“Yeah,” she says at last, “yeah, okay.” She takes a shuddering breath. “Told you ‘bout bein’ in the system, foster and prison, yeah?”

Dani watches her intently, hands in her lap, an expression of concern firmly situated on her face. She nods, though she knows only the bare minimum. They skirt precariously around the topic when it comes up.

The extent of her knowledge comes from studying Jamie’s reactions to her environment. The way she shirks from loud noises. The clatter of plates breaking in a restaurant, an engine backfiring in an alley. The way she scans every room before she enters, eyes lingering on corners and curtains, and checks the backseat of their rental car. The way she hoards buttons and pop tabs and coins at the bottom of her suitcase, and the way she methodically counts her things before they leave any motel and recounts them when they arrive at their destination.

Habits formed out of necessity in a life of cruelty, a life in which letting her guard down could mean the difference between life and death. A life she no longer lives, but a life that stays with her all the same.

“Had a dream,” Jamie says carefully, her voice almost too loud in the stillness of the morning, “Hardly remember the details now, but... Think I was in my third home. Fourth, maybe. The dad was a drunk. You could always smell it on his breath. Heavy footsteps you could hear coming.” She glances at Dani. “I couldn’t hear him this time. I think he threw a bottle at me, not sure, though. I couldn’t move, couldn’t yell, couldn’t fight back.” Her chest heaves, and Dani reaches out, then thinks better of it. She retracts her hand, leaving it palm-up on her knee for Jamie to take if she chooses.

“Hate being trapped,” she whispers, eyes darting around the bathroom, “Spent too long in places I couldn’t get out of.” She tentatively takes Dani’s hand, still avoiding eye contact. “I woke up ‘n still couldn’t breathe. Didn’t want to wake you up, so I came here.” She fiddles with the tag on Dani’s sweater, murmuring, “It’s not the same, but it was close enough. Smells enough like you that I could pretend.” At last, she looks up, waterline shining with unshed tears. “Bloody embarrassing.”

“Oh, baby...” Dani croons softly, squeezing her outstretched hand. “Can I... Is it okay if I hold you?”

Jamie sniffles, but nods her assent with a heavy sigh. Dani shifts so that she’s reclining against the slope of the tub, with Jamie comfortably settled between her legs, curled on her side, with her head on Dani’s chest. The sweater is pressed between them, the material grasped tightly in Jamie’s fist.

Dani weaves her fingers through the hair at the nape of Jamie’s neck, lightly scratching her scalp with blunt nails. Jamie shivers at the contact.

“’M embarrassed,” Jamie mumbles into the bunched fabric of Dani’s pajama top.

“Don’t be,” Dani says simply, her head resting on the white shower tile. She cannot tell if the flush rising to Jamie’s cheeks is because of the sweater or waking up in the middle of the night or both, and frankly, Dani decides, it does not matter.

It’s unusual, seeing Jamie like this. Vulnerable. Raw. Dani can count the number of times she’s seen Jamie cry on two fingers.

Once, in the aftermath of the lake, they had held each other close in the lamplight of Dani’s bedroom at Bly and wept for all that had happened and all they had lost, great heaving sobs that tore through walls and rafters and flesh and bone.

The second time, just now, with Jamie trembling in her arms.

She takes such measures to remain steadfast, resolute in her dependability, all hard angles and rigidity. A suave exterior carefully constructed to deter those who would attempt to breach her defenses. Cannons on the parapet he keeps loaded with snark and bite and sturdy shoes, ready to flee at the first sign of danger.

She had opened up to Dani, though, a privilege Dani does not vilipend. Took the risk and raised the portcullis to allow Dani to pass through to the inner walls, closer to the center, but not quite there. There was more to discover, Dani knew then and knows now, but patience is vital. Stability. The reassurance that she means no harm.

“Can...Why’d you think you needed my permission?” Dani clarifies, “For my sweater.” Jamie stirs against her, the weight warm and familiar.

“Don’t take things without asking,” Jamie recites despondently, and the weight of the statement catches Dani off-guard. The resignation in her tone, the rhythm of the words are indicative of a phrase spoken over and over again, well-worn and thoroughly beaten into the track of her mind.

(Perhaps, Dani fears in some dark corner of herself, it was not only Jamie’s mind. She thinks of trainers with holes in the sole, bits of cheese swiped from the refrigerator and promptly hidden, and wonders about a little girl left with no one but herself and callous adults who neglect and belittle.)

Dani finds herself shaking her head.

“It’s okay,” she says into the crown of Jamie’s head, her breath rustling wayward strands. “I mean, I’d appreciate a heads up if you want to borrow something of mine just so I don’t think something’s gone missing, but for this?” She pauses, choking on an inconvenient swell of emotion. “God, please, take it. Or wake me up or something, but... you’re not alone.”

Jamie is still, her breath coming in slow, measured puffs against Dani’s chest.

Dani tries, “Most of my stuff isn’t really your style, anyway. Not that I think you couldn’t rock a pink turtleneck.” She considers. “Actually, I’d kind of like to see that.”

The mental picture earns her a wet laugh from Jamie, and that is enough for now, Dani thinks.

“But, you know, if this happens again -- you wake up in the middle of the night -- please, wake me up, too, okay?”

“Still getting used to you, ‘s’all.”

“I know, baby, I know.”

They lay there in the bottom of the questionable motel bathtub until the quiver of Jamie’s shoulders recedes into a steady enough rhythm, in time with the rise and fall of Dani’s chest.

“Come on,” Dani nudges, “think you want to get back in bed?”

“Shit,” Jamie jolts upwards, taking them both by surprise, “God, sorry. Sorry. I’ve kept you up long enough.”

“No, no,” Dani assures, running a hand along Jamie’s upper arm, “I just thought the mattress might be more comfortable for you than I am.”

“Unlikely,” Jamie scrutinizes. She rubs her eyes once more and climbs out of the tub, offering a hand for Dani to lift herself up, which proves more difficult than anticipated on account of Dani’s leg having fallen asleep. She wraps an arm around Jamie’s waist, separating for an instant to nestle beneath cool sheets, then finding each other again.  

“Sorry,” Jamie says to the darkness, the hum of the radiator providing the rattling soundtrack to her unnecessary apology.

“Shh,” Dani soothes, her nails spelling out words from covert languages on the skin of Jamie’s back, “Don’t say anything. Just… just lay here with me. We’ll talk in the morning.” Jamie’s grip tightens on her shirt. “Try to get some rest, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

She brushes the ghost of a kiss along Jamie’s hairline, smoothing down the wisps that tickle her nose.

4:14 a.m., the clock reads.

Dani does not close her eyes until she feels Jamie’s muscles slacken, the tension leaching away into cotton and dream. Then, and only then, does she allow sleep to claim her.

[plaidbooks]

Can I request a Barba x reader based off Barba returning to SVU? He’s working as the defense in the reader’s coming trial with Sonny representing her. The reader and Barba dates before he left the show. He needed to move on and the reader wasn’t ready to leave New York. Barba genuinely believes the defendant is innocent and is still in love with the reader, but can’t see his friend go to jail for something he doesn’t believe he did. Angst or fluff; however you want to end it! Thank you!!

Time Heals

A/N: Yesssss. I love this; this is one of my favorite things I’ve written in a while tbh. I hope you enjoy, anon <3

Disclaimer: This is written before the episode Rafael comes back, so sorry for any inconsistencies for when that happens!

Tags: rape mention (reader was date-raped), angst with a happy ending

Words: 2102

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @glowingmess @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @dianilaws

(gif by @sseureki)

You rubbed your left hand nervously, a tick you picked up three years ago, waiting for Sonny to come back from the coffee machine with a cup for you both. You tried to stop your hands from shaking, your knee bouncing and your breathing picking up as you remembered the night that had changed your life, the reason you were in Sonny’s office in the first place. You had been attacked nearly two months ago; a date that had ended in you being drugged and waking up without your clothes on, sore everywhere. It still made you feel sick to your stomach, even though you had been a detective with SVU, dealt with victims of just this kind of thing for years. Olivia had sent you to a great therapist, and the nightmares had stopped soon enough.

Sonny finally came back, placing the coffee on the table in front of you, and you mumbled a thanks. “How are ya feeling, [Y/N]?” he asked softly, placing a hand over yours. Sonny was your partner once upon a time, and you were still close.

“I wish people would stop asking me that,” you replied, smiling. He still looked concerned, so you said, “I’m fine, Son. Just…a little shaky, still. I just want this over and done with.” You sighed heavily, running a hand over your face.

“I know, doll. Soon, I promise. We got Adams on tape leaving the bar with you, taking you back to your hotel room, leaving the hotel an hour later, and his confession. We got this scumbag,” he said with conviction.

You nodded, taking a sip of your coffee. Kendrick Adams was the man you had gone on a date with…and the man who date raped you. He seemed pretty upset about it, but you had no sympathy for the man who had forced himself inside you. The one silver lining is that he had used a condom; you had no STDs, and you weren’t pregnant.

“Has he got a new defense attorney yet?” you asked, idly stirring your coffee with the small, wooden stirring stick. His old attorney was court appointed, and was not doing a good job representing him. Fin, as much as you loved the man, wasn’t so sure Adams was guilty. He thought that during the confession, Adams seemed confused, upset, and he recanted three days later.

“Call it a gut feeling,” Fin had said, earning a glare from you and Sonny. Both of you were ex-Detectives, and you both knew the accuracy of gut feelings, and while you could admit that Fin was usually correct, you were positive that he wasn’t. Not this time.

“Yeah, I’m meetin’ them today. I’m not sure who it is, though,” Sonny replied, shuffling some papers around. “In 30 minutes, actually.”

“Mind if I hang around? I’d like to know who’s trying to defend that asshole.”

Sonny gave you a long stare. “Technically, you’re not allowed to. But, if you were to, I don’t know, leave 5 minutes beforehand, bump into them….”

You gave him a smirk. “Thanks Sonny.”

 ***********************

You didn’t even get a chance to make your early exit before there was a knock on the door, presumably the defense attorney. You glanced at Sonny, who rose his eyebrow before saying, “uh, come in.” Your breath caught when in walked Rafael Barba. Time seemed to stop as his bright green eyes slid to yours, locking there in surprise. He looked…different. Not just the salt and pepper beard. But he looked happier than the last time you had seen him, more…alive. He still had a deep sadness in his eyes, but the last time you had seen him, he was defeated, a shell. Now, he at least looked like a person again. He resembled the man you had fallen in love with all those years ago. You unconsciously rubbed at your left hand, and his eyes flickered down to the motion. Just like that, the spell was broken, and you sucked in a deep breath.

“Please tell me this is a joke,” you muttered, suddenly remembering why he was there, that this wasn’t random chance. Rafael simply gaped at you. “Are you really a defense attorney? For fucking Adams?”

“Nice to see you, too, Detective,” Rafael said, eyes narrowing. “Yes, I am defending Adams. And you’ll find that my client is innocent.”

“Innocent my ass,” you sneered, standing angrily.

“[Y/N], let’s not—” Sonny started, but Rafael cut him off.

“He is innocent, and I’ll prove it in court. That is, unless ADA Carisi is willing to talk deals.”

You stomped up to Rafael, blood boiling, getting right up into his face. “Fuck deals, Raf. I want that bastard dead. Rotting in a fucking cell.”

“What do you have against this guy, huh? Call you a bad name in the interrogation room?”

Sonny spoke up again. “Barba, don’t—”

“Cause he fucking raped me!” you screamed in Rafael’s face. You watched his face go through every human emotion you could think of in the span of a few seconds, ending with a profound remorse.

“[Y/N]…I’m—” he started, but you shoved past him, slamming the door to Sonny’s office as you left, tears falling freely down your face. This was the first time you had seen Rafael in three years, and this was not how you thought this reunion would go. Your heart still strained when you thought about his bright green eyes. And that beard certainly made him more attractive. But he was defending your rapist, and you didn’t know how you could deal with that. You rubbed your left hand nervously, making your way outside, trying to find some air.

 **********************

Sonny informed you that him and Rafael were unable to come to a deal, and that Rafael was going for a plea of not guilty. You wanted to hate him, to be pissed and to just…hate him. But you couldn’t. You had spent too many years loving Rafael, and a small part of your brain kept thinking that if Rafael thought Adams was innocent…well, maybe something was there. But how could you be so wrong? How could all of SVU be so wrong?

“We’ve been wrong before,” Fin mentioned, shrugging nonchalantly, as if this wasn’t your life. It made you want to scream.

You tried to move on with your life, enjoy your retirement, stopping by One Hogan Place to talk with Sonny whenever he asked you to. He made sure to schedule you on separate days from Rafael, so that you wouldn’t run into him, and you were forever grateful. But just knowing he was in the same city as you made the hairs on your arms stand up on end, and you weren’t quite sure if that was a good thing or not.

Finally, you couldn’t avoid him anymore, not when he showed up at your front door, a bouquet of multicolored roses in his hand.

“Can we talk?” Rafael asked, hopeful.

“Should I have counsel?” you replied, crossing your arms over your chest.

He shuffled awkwardly on his feet. “[Y/N]…please…not about the trial. About us.”

Sighing, you moved out of the way, letting Rafael enter your apartment. It felt small with him there, much smaller than the place you both shared a lifetime ago. He glanced around appreciatively, before turning back to you, offering you the flowers. You took them, closing your eyes at the beautiful scent. He followed you to the kitchen while you found a vase, filling it with water.

“You still look beautiful, cariño,” Rafael murmured as you placed the flowers in the vase. You felt your eyes fill with tears, but you blinked them away rapidly, not wanting him to see.

“Why are you here, Raf?” you asked, trying to keep your voice from wavering. Looking at the sadness in his eyes, it was a struggle to not cross the distance between you, to not hug him until he was happy again.

“I—I wanted to see you. I told you when I left that I still loved you; that hasn’t changed.”

You swallowed, rubbing at your left hand. You looked down at your hand, the faint tan line on your ring finger still visible, even after these three long years.

“Then why are you defending Adams?” you breathed.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Adams is…an old friend.” Rafael’s eyes locked to yours. “I know him, [Y/N]. He didn’t do this. And I refuse to see him go to jail for it. The evidence is circumstantial, at best, and you know it. You’re a detective—”

“I’m not a detective, Raf. Not anymore. I…I haven’t been a detective since you left. I just, I couldn’t do it anymore…” you trailed off.

“Oh,” was all he said. The silence dragged on, both of you unsure of what to say. He confessed that he still loved you, and he did honestly believe that Adams was innocent. Maybe he was right; the evidence was circumstantial…besides the confession, which Adams recanted shortly after. Liv told you he was claiming that you had seemed drunk and that he had helped you to your room. That he had held your hair while you vomited, then helped you to bed, staying with you until you fell asleep, hence why he was there for an hour before leaving. But if that were the case, then who assaulted you? Rollins and Kat already interviewed the hotel staff, the people on the same floor as you, and the security in the hotel, with no new leads.

“Where does this leave us?” Rafael finally asked, eyes searching yours. “Do you still…do I still have a chance with you?”

You swallowed under his intense stare. “I—I don’t know, Raf. I still…I still have feelings for you. I know that we agreed to take a break while you…figured things out. But that was three years ago, Rafael! I just—I don’t…and with all this shit with Adams—”

“I understand. Really, I do. I’m…I’m willing to wait for you. Hell, I’m willing to start all over again, relearn everything about you. Please, just give me a chance,” Rafael pleaded, taking a step closer to you.

“How do I know you won’t leave again?” you murmured, stopping him in his tracks.

His face fell, his hands clenching at his sides. “I’m here to stay; I promise.”

“As a defense attorney?”

Rafael winced. “Not all defense attorneys are bad, [Y/N]. Besides, I’ll only do it if I’m convinced my client is innocent. I’m not in it for the money; I’m in it to keep innocent people out of jail. I’m—it’s still me, cariño…I haven’t changed that much in the past three years. I’ve just…I’ve found myself again.”

You looked at him, really looked. Rafael’s hair had grey streaks, a speckled beard hiding that sarcastic mouth you loved. His bright, seafoam eyes were still alert, intelligent, locked to yours in question. He had more lines on his face, but the dark circles that used to be under his eyes had lessened. Even the way he held himself, the way he spoke, seemed lighter, less stressed. You suddenly wished, for the millionth time since he had left, that you had gone with him. But, at the time, you couldn’t force yourself to leave New York. Even if it meant losing Rafael for a little. Neither of you knew it would be this long. This date with Adams was actually your first date since Rafael left.

“I don’t think it would be good for Sonny’s case if I dated the defendant’s defense attorney,” you said, a soft smile pulling at your lips.

Rafael grinned, coming to you and pulling you into a tight hug, his cologne comforting, even after all this time. He placed a kiss on your cheek, his beard tickling your skin.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you,” Rafael murmured into your ear.

“I am, too,” you whispered back, fresh tears in your eyes. “But, if not Adams…who?”

He leaned back to look at you. “I don’t know…I wish I did, but Kendrick doesn’t know, either. He really did just take care of you before leaving you in your room. My best guess is one of the hotel staff…maybe the bartender? They have a separate elevator; I’ll have Liv check the tapes.”

You nodded. “And us?”

“I agree that we should wait until this trial is over. Then…dinner?”

“Dinner sounds lovely,” you replied, giving Rafael another hug. It would take time to get back to where you were before. But maybe this time, the two of you would get married.

[fandomsmeantheworldtome]

Tagged by the amazing @itisa-profoundbond-sarandom to

pick 10 ships without reading the questions.

I have more than 10 ships to list lol �� but i will pick some of my all time favorites and i will add some new

1. Aziraphale/ Crowley (Good Omens)

2. Edward Nygma / Oswald Cobblepot ( Gotham)

3. Dean Winchester / Castiel ( Supernatural)

4. Villanelle/ Eve ( Killing Eve)

5. Merlin / Arthur ( BBC Merlin)

6. Will Graham / Hannibal Lecter ( Hannibal tv series)

7. Barry Allen / Iris West ( The Flash)

8. Ray Palmer / Nora Darhk ( Legends of Tomorrow)

9. Ava Sharpe / Sara Lance ( Legends of Tomorrow )

10. Yennefer / Geralt ( The Witcher )

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I don't remember exactly from which episode but there was a scene where Hannibal got really close to Will and started to smell him 😄 this was really intense

2. Have you ever read a FanFiction about 2?

More than 100 i think 😂 is one of these ships i have read the most fanfics

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr?

Yes and i have a sideblog about Killing Eve @lovemesomevillanelle too many fandoms to have them all in one blog 😄

4. If 7 were to suddenly break-up today, what would your reaction be?

You hit a sensitive spot here , i consider myself new to the Flash fandom its only a few months since i discovered this show but i noticed that there are a lot haters of this ship and some fans even made recist comments about Iris and the actress who plays her, i would be devastated if these two break up because they are perfect for each other and i will forever support their relationship @sweetbarryallen is my flash sideblog

5. Why is 1 so important?

Its been a year since Good Omens series came in our lifes well the book is much older but the series had such a huge success, i still can't get over these two lovable idiots who love each other since the beginning of time this ship gives me hope and warms my heart with all kinds of feelings

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both? these two amazing women are made for each other and i totally enjoy their serious and funny moments the same amount

7. Out of all of the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

I guess the success of a ship and the reason a duo or a couple is shipped from the fans has to do with the chemistry the actors bring to the screen but there were a lot of cases where fanfiction writers created such a great stories for the readers to make them ship even characters who had limited interaction on the screen and that's the power of imagination, to me all the ships have chemistry

8. Out of all of your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond?

I would say Ineffable husbands because the know each other since forever , who can beat that ?😂

9. How many times have you read/watched 8’s fandom?

DC's Legends of Tomorrow is a new show for me i managed to watch all Seasons till 4th as i write this in almost a month , before i reached S3 where Nora makes her appearance i had seen/ read some spoilers that she and Ray would end up together, Ray Palmer is my most favourite character from lot and when i found out about this ship i was so happy because he deserves all the love and so does Nora Darhk. Nora is such a great written character her development to the show is one of the best. You can guess my reaction when i also found out that the actors who play these characters are married in real life , this ship is everything and to answer this question i have searched about this ship too many times to count but i wish there were more fan videos of DarhkAtom on the internet

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

I think Aziraphale and Crowley because of the years since the book published and there were fans of this ship even then, second ship who lasted longest is Destiel because of the years Supernatural has on screen

11. How many times, if ever, has 2 broken up?

If you are a Gotham and nygmobblepot fan then you know all about this ship's love and hate relationship , these two crazy idiots almost kill each other but they can't live without each other

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

Both? i think Ray Palmer with his atom suit abilities and Nora with her magic have more chances to make out alive though i wouldn't underestimate Ed's and Os's surviving skills in times of danger, they are both so clever and cunning that i am more concerned about zombies well being than the two of them 😂

13. Did 5 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

Merlin and Arthur never become canon but to the fans Merlin and Arthur have feelings for each other , they hide their feelings since they know each other i wish this ship was canon on screen

14. Is 4 still together?

Killing Eve season 3 delivered this year the best finale in my opinion of all seasons , Villanelle and Eve have feelings for each other that's canon now and i hope in S4 they will live and work together as a couple

15. Is 3 canon?

Not for the writers still not canon but the fans with me included we hope before the show ends completely the writers stop this torment and give us what Destiel fans are praying for years , our ship to become canon

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

This is hard, i don't know i guess all have their chances to win " may the odds be ever in your favor" lol

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 10’s ship?

Jaskier ? Lol 😂😂😂 truth is that Yennefer is my favourite character from the show the Witcher but Jaskier is also my favourite and i may ship Yennefer with Geralt but since i got to this fandom is hard not to notice the chemistry between Geralt and Jaskier 😄 love both ships the same

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

All i can't pick one

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 1’s tumblr page?

YES 😂

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she´d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

Ahhh this is so hard i can't choose sorry

Tagging some lovely people @penguinsheart , @mishandjen-tellmehow , @vicarious-rebel , @its-all-ineffable , @ramblingsofachristiannerd , @littlehollyleaf , @jawnlockwinchester , @thisplacehaseverything , @littleangel4996 @your-mad-tea-party-blog @itotallygazeatscully, @belle82devart @skatle-skootle-demon-noodle @lesbian-and-useless @quakerlasss, @whitecrawace and everyone who see this post and wants to do this

[paodequeijofeliz-blog]

I would do it all again

Ride or Die Fanfiction (characters and main story belongs to Pixelberry Studios).

Pairing: Mona and MC (Annie)

Information: this takes place after the first book.

Summary: After what happened at the parking lot, each member of the crew tries to build a new life, following the “every man for himself” motto. But Annie doesn’t agree with that and tries to pull them back together, especially Mona, who she has been waiting for too many years.

Warnings: some Angst talk, but not much.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

I would do it all again - Part 7 (FINALE)

         People weren’t allowed on campus after 10 p.m. The gates were closed, and securities would wonder around, keeping it safe. From what, Mona had no idea, it was just a huge old building with lots of books in it. Even the computers were too old to worth robbing. She just smiled at that vision, not much of a challenge for her. Sneaking in the darkness, the woman found her way to jump over the wall, fast and silent.

         In a few minutes, Mona was already walking through the hallways, clever to keep her distance from the windows. Where did you hide… It looked like the classrooms were all empty.

         “Library.” Said a man’s voice. It was the janitor, standing next to the restroom’s door. “She likes to stay there. I leave it unlocked.”

         She studied him for a moment but nodded her thanks.

        Library was on the third floor and had a light on. Of course Annie would hide between books. Mona crossed it like a lightning, following the heart-breaking sound of a soft crying only to find her girlfriend sitting on the corner. She had a huge coat covering her body, probably something kept in the trunk for cold days. Her face was flushed under the yellow light, a few slow tears still rolling down.

         Slowly, the Lebanese took a step closer and sat in front of Annie. Nobody said anything for a while, as the girl kept her gaze down, wiping the tears away. It was so quiet there that Mona could swear she was hearing their hearts beating: hers, faster, like a race car; Annie’s, slow, sad, tired.

         After what it seemed like an eternity, the sobbing girl took a deep breath and said something.

       “I never meant…”

       “I’m sorry.” Mona interrupted. Were her hands shaking? She shoved them into the jacket’s pockets to hide it. “I didn’t want you to find out that way. I didn’t want you to find out at all, actually. You’re right to be upset. I should’ve told you about Ada and our… Short relationship… In prison. You asked me not to fool you and I did. I lied. Fucked it up.”

       Annie blinked, her mouth opened, but there was no sound, so the Lebanese took it as a sign and carried on.

       “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I really am. You gave me all the time and space to come clean, I guess I was just… I was just…” she roamed her hands through the dark hair, searching for the right word. “Scared.”

        Again, silence. The girl fixed her posture, bit her lower lip, but didn’t say a thing.

       “I was scared you would leave.” That was barely a whisper. “That this would be too much for you to accept.”

       “I’m not upset about that.”

       Mona arched her eyebrows, surprised. “No?”

       “No. Of course not. You never promised me anything back then, Mon. I can’t demand or be mad at your for being with someone else. How selfish do you think I am?”

         “Wait. So, you’re not upset about Ada?”

         “Well, I am bothered that she was standing so close to you today, cause now we are truly dating. But that’s not what really hurt me.” Annie sighed and reached for Mona’s hands. They were warm and squeezed hers in a reassuring way. “I never meant to trap you into a boring life. I don’t want to change who you are, never did. After all of that, I just wanted you to be safe. And that’s all I have. I’m sorry, I can’t keep you safe in a big house, with all the wonderful stuff you deserve. I’m a teacher, a doctorate student, who drives an old car and buys cheap red pens. I’m so sorry. I love you, but I can’t give you what you want.”

         That’s when it hit Mona. It wasn’t the part about being together with another woman that made the girl run away. Not jealousy or disappointment.

         She was just feeling small.  

         “Babe, what Ada said about the things I want or enjoy, that wasn’t true.” The Lebanese let out a laugh of relief. The problem was so much easier. “Gee, is that what’s hurting you? Then look at me, and I’ll repeat it: I want to be here. I want to be with you. I want you and everything related to you. Screw the fancy hotels and jewels. They’re from a part of my life I was dead inside, in rage, alone. I’d trade all of it to run an auto shop with two great friends and a hot girlfriend who sneaks into a freakin’ library when she’s sad.”

         Annie had her eyes filled with tears again. But she was smiling. A broad, happy smile. “Do you mean it? Are you sure? Cause if I’m doing it wrong…”

         Mona stopped her sentence midway by pulling her into a kiss, straddling that silly, cute girl while making her run out of breath. Now she had the face flushed again, but it wasn’t of crying. “Yeah. Dumbass. I’m sure.”

         “So, you’re not sad about living a calmer life from now on?”

         “As calm as we can make it. You know problems will follow me forever. I still have to pee in a cup for my parole officer. And Ada won’t leave me alone for too long. You heard it. I gave her my word when we did… It.”

         Annie tilted her head, slightly confused. “When she said, ‘when we killed that girl’? I thought she meant you. When she turned you into a high profile criminal.”

         “It wasn’t a metaphor.” Mona eyes darkened, but her hands were holding the girl close. She didn’t want to lose her. “Ada had a fight with my cell mate. She suffocated her with a pillow while I… While I was watching. At the door. I didn’t do anything to stop her. It felt like I was frozen there.”

         “I’m sorry.” Annie touched her cheek.

         “She has been holding it against me ever since. I didn’t do anything to help. I didn’t move. I didn’t…”

         “You were in shock. I know you did a lot of bad things in your life, Mon. But you’re not a murderer. That’s why you froze.”

         “This will haunt me forever.” Her voice became a whisper again.

         “We’ll find a way to get through it. Trust me.”

         Mona took a deep breath. Foreheads together, they were losing themselves in each other’s gaze. The Lebanese felt broken in so many ways, and yet somehow, she could find peace in that girl’s face.

         “After everything you did for us? I trust you. Blindly.”

         “I would do it all again.”

 ---------------------------------------------------------------

           “Here’s more beer!” Toby lifted two boxes while walking inside the shop, a credit card hanging in his month.

         “Leave it on the fridge and take a cold one for you!” Ximena was sitting on a nice red car’s hood, next to a smiley Annie.

         “Nice!” he grabbed a bottle and threw himself on one of those rolling chairs that was left around, spinning closer to them. “The food?”

         “Mona’s bringing it.” Said the tattooed girl, stopping him with her foot. “You’ll get dizzy.”

         “She’s taking forever. Isn’t the diner just across the street?” Toby took a gulp of his beer, too distracted to notice the expression on Annie’s face.

         “Yeah, well, she had a doctor’s appointment today too. Just some check-up. X, do you have the camera?”

         “Sure thing, all set!”

         A couple minutes later, the old dusty car, Harold, parked beside the fancy red one. Mona jumped out of it with huge bags of burgers and fries. Ximena gladly took it out of her arms and went to leave them on the table, followed by a hungry Toby. “Finally! I’m starving.”

         “Hey, babe.” She gave her girl a kiss on the cheek, pulling her closer by the waist.

         “Hi, you. How was therapy?” Annie kept her voice low, careful so they wouldn’t listen.

         Mona only rolled her eyes, giving the same answer as always. “Boring.”

         But it wasn’t true. She was enjoying it. Well, at least, respecting it enough. Otherwise, the Lebanese wouldn’t be going there again every month for the past year. Annie knew it, but why not let the woman have her tough attitude?

         “I bet it was.” She lingered for a while on those dark eyes, before suddenly realizing the noises in the kitchen. “Hey, you two! No eating now! Let’s take the picture first. Just bring the beers!”

         Toby showed up with a mouth filled with French fries and two extra bottles on his hands. “He’ ya gu.”

         “Did you steal some fries?” Annie shook her head dramatically, pretending to be hurt. “How could you????”

         “No, I…” he swallowed the rest of it, taking a gulp of beer to help. “No, I didn’t. Me? A thief? Never! I’m totally against crimes.”

         “Alright, timer is set to ten seconds! So, everybody, get into place.” Ximena had put the camera on top of a few boxes carefully positioned in front of the shop. It could frame them together with the neon letters on the top.

         Mona took the extra bottles from Toby, giving one to Annie while sitting next to her on the car hood. “Cheers to that. Let’s go, X!”

         “Annnnnd, now! Ten seconds!” the tattoo artist ran towards then, sitting on the floor, right in front of the red car, her long arms grabbing each one of the women’s legs. Toby preferred to stay up next to them, sticking his tongue out while his right arm was in the air with the bottle of beer in his hand.

         The flash blinded them for a second. The first picture as a group again.

         “So?” Mona took a long gulp, throwing an arm around Annie’s neck.

         Ximena was still shaking the polaroid. “Patience!”

         “Oooh I look like one of those dangerous bass players in a Rock band.” Said Toby, peeking over her shoulders.  

         “Here! What do ya think?”

         “Nice!” the Lebanese smiled, proud of how hot she looked in that picture.

         Annie needed a little longer. She held the photo and admired it for a moment. They seemed so cool. The cars, the pose, the purple neon letters forming the name RIDE OR DIE.

         It was just the beginning of their new lives.

Tagging: @kamilahsayeet2063 (hope you like it <3)

[assassins-and-hidden-blades]

Acceptance

Hey! I love your stories so much and wanted to know if i could please have a story with Evie? Reader is an assassin but a mission went wrong and someone dear to reader is killed. Reader is trying to hide the pain, grief and anger. Evie notices that something is wrong, is worried, but doesnt push it. Reader goes out to get revenge but gets hurt during, and after returning to Evie on the train, she breaks down and tells Evie everything and Evie comforts her lover/treats her wound.

Sorry this took so long!! I decided to tweak the plot ever so slightly. All this quarantine stuff has given me so much spare time so I think I’ll be able to finish all my requests and hopefully do a few of my own. I can’t believe I managed to write 2K words for this fic :D Enjoy!! Y/B/N = Your brother’s name

This is F!Reader, btw -- if anyone wants a M!Reader version, please let me know!

Tagging: @marshmallow--3​ / @yourlocalfrenchie​ 

Warnings: Grief, violence, swearing, sibling death, ANGST

Requested by Anonymous

Evie sat in your carriage, watching you buckle your gear to your torso. The silence was only broken by the occasional clinks of metal and a question.

“Are you sure you don’t want me and Jacob to come with you? Backup is always useful.”  

You smirked. “I appreciate you asking, Evie -- even if it has been for the twentieth time -- but I’ll be fine. Y/B/N and I have planned this mission for a month. It’s straightforward enough for even him to follow.”

Evie smiled at that. “Just… come back safely -- and preferably in one piece.” She came towards you and pecked your lips tenderly. 

“I’ll be back, even if it means returning in a million pieces.”

She kissed you again, and sighed into your lips when she heard the train whistle blow; it was time for you to go.

“Be safe, Y/N. Be careful.”

“I will.” You smiled with a twinkle in your eyes, pulling your cowl over your head and stepping off the train. Within seconds, you had disappeared into the crowd.

----------

“Are you ready?” You glanced over at your younger brother as you shared a roof overlooking the backstreets of Westminster, days after separating from Evie.

He scoffed in return. “Since the day I was born.” 

You rolled your eyes, smiling. This stronghold was one of the biggest in London; Devil’s Acre. “Whatever you do, don’t let them spot you.” 

He smirked. “Of course.” And with that, he disappeared into the window of the building you were perching on. 

Finally alone, you played to your strengths and scanned the area. The amount of snipers on the rooftops left you with no other option but to take them out first. You crept behind each and every one of them and eliminated them silently. Even Evie would be impressed with your skill. 

With the rooftops clear, you went for the next target; the heist plans. Y/B/N’s first objective was to free the captured rooks, so you could both regroup and take out the leader together. It didn’t take much searching to find the plans -- Blighters always kept them in an isolated room with an open window frame anyway. You vaulted through and quietly hit the floor, sourcing the plans and burning them. Perching upon the window ledge, you prepared to launch towards the opposite building when a gunshot rang out.

A sudden cold sweat washed over you, and adrenaline began to pump tenfold through your veins. It sounded from the other side of the building you were in. Quickly, you jumped up and over onto the roof, desperate to find the destination of the bullet.

You regretted looking over the edge. 

Y/B/N had crumpled to his knees, a hand against his stomach. The leader had an entourage, and you  watched as he booted your brother in the face, sending him to the floor, lifeless. Shock paralysed you. It was only when they left into the other courtyard when you snapped out of it, leaping two whole storeys in a rush to be beside your younger sibling. 

Sliding to your knees, you grasped his cheeks, which were caked in mud. “Y/B/N… Oh my God.” You began to hyperventilate when his eyes opened, glazed and hazy. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve--” He stopped your blabbering by putting a finger to your lips. “Shut up... and breathe.” You stopped talking and instead began to put pressure on the wound. You were, however, met with surprising resistance. “D-Don’t try… or you won’t m-make it out alive either.” He took in a painful breath. “Save yourself, Y/N/N. It’s too late for me. But not for you. Don’t die here.” He pushed your hands off of him. “Go.”

When you didn’t move, he shoved your shoulder with unexpected strength. “Go!” 

Tears streaming, you kissed his hand. “I love you -- I’m sorry.”

When you ran, he blinked his own fear out of his own eyes. 

“I know.” A whisper to himself as his head met the ground again, the stars his last remaining comfort as he released another warm breath.

----------

You retreated to a pub to hide as reinforcements came into the area. You didn’t drink -- you couldn’t drink. 

You didn’t know when you would ever drink again. 

Instead, you lurked in the back of the room, cloaked in the shadows. Your cowl hid your grief. Instead, you waited. You wanted to bide your time, so you could make those responsible pay.

----------

The next night, you met with a rook who sold extra weapons. You traded him a few extra bank notes for a new revolver and extra bullets. Stealth was not on the table this time around. Your tunnel vision sent you back to one destination, and one destination only:

Devil’s Acre.

----------

You gathered a few rooks for the sole reason of eliminating the henchmen. You didn’t want to waste your time with them when you had other people on your agenda. Walking through the open courtyards, you watched as Blighters scrambled for their weapons, only to be shot down seconds after. With a calm and cold demeanour, you headed for the central building, where you were sure they were hiding. 

You didn't check to see whether the door was locked; you kicked it down anyway. With your gun drawn, you hit each member of the leader’s entourage in the chest or head. In a moment, it was just you and the leader himself, separated only by a table.

“You killed my brother.” You advanced steadily towards him.

“My dear, you just killed all my friends.”

You shot a round, emphasising your anger. “You killed my BROTHER!” 

You barely reacted in time as he pulled out his own firearm. You kicked the table on its side and ducked, kneeling alongside it. Bullets ricocheted through the table. Once he began to reload, you came up from behind cover, shooting repeatedly into areas that would cripple but not kill him instantly. When you ran out of bullets, you flipped over the table and watched as his knees buckled, thighs, stomach, a shoulder, and a knee hit and bleeding. 

“You killed my younger brother. Now you’ll pay.”

It was obvious he was in pain, but he made his best efforts to hide it. “My dear, you failed to protect your younger brother. It seems that it is you who will pay.” You followed his gaze to your side, and saw a blossoming circle of red. Looking back to the table, you noticed a dark smear against it. In the next second a bullet went through the leader’s brain. You were still looking at the table. 

Slowly, you allowed your legs to give out from underneath you, pained tears in your eyes. Your body crumpled against the floor, your eyes trained lazily on the entrance to the building, where a child stood. The image became blurred, and soon faded into darkness. 

----------

“Y/N/N, love, can you hear me?” It was a male voice, and you felt something tap against your cheek; a hand. 

“Y/B/N?” You mumbled weakly. 

“No, love, it’s Jacob. Can you open your eyes for me?” Slowly, you blinked your eyes open. The child from earlier was staring down at you, with Jacob kneeling opposite. He was dressed in only a white shirt, from what you could see. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, decorated with red spots of blood. You hadn’t moved from where you last lost consciousness. “Y/N, can you keep talking to me?” You felt fingers at the wound in your side. 

“Please, don’t touch -- agh!” A stabbing pain in your gut fired your nerves.

“I need to get the bullet out, Y/N; then we can get you back to the train, and more importantly, to Evie… God knows she’s much better at this than I am.” The last part he seemed to whisper to himself. “Almost there, we’re almost there… There it is! No more prodding, Y/N; it’s over now.”

Jacob glanced at the boy. “Arthur, did you get the carriage I asked for?”

“Yes, sir. It’s outside right now.” 

“Thanks; we’re just about ready to go.” You felt a cold pressure against the wound and the zip of tape being unwound. “I’m taping on some gauze so you don’t bleed all over my carriage.” Even under pressure, he could crack a joke or two. Your throat was growing hoarse from the cries of pain.

Your vision began to cloud over again when you felt your body lift from the floor and into your friend’s chest.

“Now, let’s get you back to Evie.”

----------

The next time you awoke, it was to the soft rumblings of the train. For a second, you couldn’t remember a thing, but in the next few moments it all came flooding back. You didn’t try to sit up… there was no point. 

Looking around, you saw that you were alone in your train carriage. For a few minutes, you gazed out of the window your bed was next to, before you heard the door being pulled back. You turned your head as Evie walked in, with rolls of bandages in her hand. When she saw you were awake, she smiled, almost sombrely. “I was wondering when you were going to wake up.” 

You scoffed. “I almost wish I didn’t.” 

Evie let out a sigh. “Y/N, what happened?” She pulled the covers down to your legs and began to examine and redress your wound. 

You waited until she was finished, building up the will to speak. 

You slowly swung your legs over the side of your bed and leaned against Evie’s shoulder. “Y/B/N’s dead.”

“What?” Evie tried not to sound surprised, in case you misinterpreted her tone of voice.

“He’s gone, Evie, and it’s all my fault.”

“Y/N, it’s not your fault.”

“He was my younger brother, Evie! It should’ve been me!” You stood up, not caring for the pain that shot through your torso.

“Y/N, don’t talk like that!” She brought her hands to your face. “It was all a game of chance. He knew the risks when he followed you into this life; he was prepared for the consequences.”

“But I wasn’t there for him when he needed me…” You broke down as you explained what happened, collapsing against your lover. She guided you to the floor and stayed there with you as you spoke.

“Y/N, if anything happened to Jacob, I would be torn apart. But the one thing that gives me comfort is that if he does meet a premature demise, it would be of his own agenda. His own, stupid, agenda.” 

You managed a sad chuckle. “I just wish it were me.”

Evie forced you to make eye contact with her. “I don’t.”

The resentment in your heart had begun to fade the more you stared into her bright irises. “Y/N, you are the best older sister a brother could ask for. You always will be a sister, and nobody could ask for someone as perfect as you for a sibling.”

Fresh, grateful tears began to leave another trail down your cheeks. “Thank you, Evie.”

She brought you into her shoulder and rubbed your back comfortingly. “Let’s get you back into bed.” 

You allowed her to haul your arm over her shoulders and support you back into bed. As you lied back down, Jacob entered the carriage. “Y/N, where was your mission?”

“It was Devil’s Acre, in Westminster.”

“I went with some Rooks to find Y/B/N…

“... But his body’s gone.”

[drethanramslay]

Part 3: Vulnerability

Pairing: Aurora x MC (Iris Everette)

Word count: 3.2 K

Part 1 Part 2

Warning: It's smut in the first half and if you aren't comfortable reading it, I have distinguished it with an asterisk (*) sign. There is angst, description of panic attack, and death threats.

Tagging: @miyakokurono @agent-breakdance @trappedinfandoms @vampiregirlsblog @lilyofchoices (let me know if you want to tagged)

Songs: Birthday by All Time Low and Bad Luck

Sunlight was streaming through the blue curtains of Aurora's room. Iris was awake, tracing lazy patterns on her girlfriend's back. Aurora was in her naked glory, her head resting on Iris's chest, while their legs were tangled up. Iris was in her boy shorts and a crop top. She still wasn't comfortable to show the scars on her back and legs. Yes they had sex and all but it was either in the cover of the night or her just pleasuring Rory.

She hated the scars. Those painful reminders of how fucked up her past was. A part of her was greatful, that they weren't in places, where she could see them. A small voice in her wanted to tell Aurora everything but the bigger part of her just wasn't ready to dwell in the pain of her past. To this day, her left wrist still hurts when she puts too much pressure on it.

It's already been seven months since the day in the on call room, and everything was perfect. Iris, had gone all out, decorating Aurora's locker with sunflowers, along with a Polaroid collage. She even went on to sing for her in the foyer of the hospital, on her guitar, in front of everyone. Aurora was as red as Iris's hair, but Iris didn't care. She could even go and scream into a loudspeaker about how much she lo- liked her and cherished her.

If everything is going perfect, and she hasn't asked any questions, why bother ruining it with your good for nothing father?

She turned to gaze at the beautiful woman in her arms. She could spend hours and hours with her like this, curled up against each other.

**********

But, Iris had other plans. She smiled wickedly and slowly untangled herself. Luckily, Rory was a heavy sleeper so shifting her to lie on her back was easy. She slowly kissed her collarbone, lapping and sucking on it. Her hands were tracing Aurora's curves, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

"Just give it milk...." Aurora murmured.

Iris laughed internally, and continued her journey of rediscovery. She left fiery hot kisses across her jaw, stirring Aurora from her sleep. She gave out a breathless moan, when Iris continued to kiss that spot on her neck. Aurora could feel herself getting wet, her stomach igniting with need.

The need to touch, feel, release.

She tried to clench her thighs, to get some relief but Iris simply slapped her ass. Aurora yelped and obeyed. Iris then proceeded to masage the area she smacked, drawing a groan from her.

She was a total bottom for Iris. And she didn't even mind it.

Iris continued her journey south. She stopped when she reached the valley of her breasts. Aurora almost lost it when Iris took one in her mouth. The biting, the licking and the sucking, was slowly driving her crazy.

But Aurora wanted more. She grabbed Iris' hand and put it against her heat. "So eager..." Iris tsked. She then went down to settle between her legs, throwing Aurora's legs over her strong shoulders.

Iris kissed her hipbone, sucking so hard that it left a mark. Aurora groaned. "Stop fucking teasing me."

"Well, then tell me what do you want? My mouth? My fingers? Both?"

"Surprise me." Aurora panted out.

"Morning snack coming right up." She ran a finger up her slit, feeling the heat and her dripping pussy. "Damn Rory...you are so wet." She brought her mouth close, her lips just a hair's breath away from her. She kissed her inner thigh.

"Taste me you cowar- holllyyyy shit!"

She descended on her pussy, lapping up all the moisture which had accumulated. She was thorough in her job. She circled her tongue on the sensitive bud. Aurora moaned, a hair louder than before.

"Don't hold back Rory. There is a reason why this is the quietest room. Use it. Moan my name."

"Adara please, please, please more." Aurora chanted.

Iris moved her fingered and slowly circled her dripping cunt. She did it once, twice and Aurora's eyes shut with the excess pleasure.

"Open your eyes. I want you to look."

It was a struggle to open them because  the fog of lust just made everything bleary. Dark green eyes met her brown eyes. The intense gaze nearly took her breath. Iris pushed her finger in, and Aurora's back arched off the bed.

But it wasn't enough.

She wanted more. Sensing Aurora's need, Iris pushed a second finger in and started finger fucking her. She attached her mouth to her clit and sucked, hard.

With every stroke of her skillful fingers, Aurora soared higher and higher. Her stomach was tightening and the pleasure was so overwhelming, she could scream.

"You have been a good girl Rory. Why don't you come for me?"

And Aurora obeyed. Iris' name was on her lips as she fell apart. Like glass shattering, her entire body convulsed, with the intense orgasm. Her legs shook, and she almost choked Iris with her thighs. But Iris didn't mind. She continued to suck on her clit, like it was her favourite candy.

Too much, too much. Aurora thought as her body continued to shiver with after shocks.

*********

Iris climbed on top of her and kissed Aurora languidly, letting her taste herself.

"Mmmm... Good morning to you too." Aurora lazily said, her legs felt like jello, and she was on cloud nine.

"Hi baby." Iris said as she settled between her legs, with her chin in the valley of her breasts. They stayed like this, catching their breath, basking in the post coital bliss.

"I am going for a shower. As much as I wanna taste you and fuck you, we will get late." Iris said as she got out of bed. She stood, and stretched, her crop top riding up to show her perky breasts.

But Aurora's eyes were on something else. Near the junction of Iris's ass and her leg, she saw half inch long lines. She counted twenty five in total and it seemed like someone had carved them into her porcelain skin. She reached out and touched them.

"Adara-" she began. But Iris just caught her wrist. "Don't." She said so coldly, before she headed to her room, leaving Aurora dazed, confused and cold.

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It had been four days since Iris became so distant. Back to the way she used to be. Closed up and re-enforcing the walls she had built.

Aurora couldn't understand why she became so distant suddenly. She had see the deep scars on her back but she had never questioned her. She knew that Adara would eventually come around and speak her heart out. But, she never did.

Aurora couldn't help but feel hurt. It wasn't fair to her that Iris had to hide herself in front of her. Aurora lo- liked her so much and she wanted to share her burden. To be there for her. To be her anchor when she was falling apart. The arms she comes back home too.

Aurora also noticed Iris checking her phone excessively. Everytime her phone pinged, her face would become so pale, that you would think she is anemic. She was great at hiding how she felt, but Rory noticed everything.

She has been trying to catch her attention so many times, but Iris would just look the other way. She could see the torment in her eyes. She wanted to heal her, and make her feel treasured only if she would let her in.

Deciding that enough was enough, she decided to corner her in the supply closet, where she was spending unproportinate amount of time in. So when she saw Iris go into the supply closet for the third time, she entered and locked the door behind her.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE DAMMIT." Aurora stilled, feeling that the words were directed towards her but when she turned the corner she saw Iris hanging up her phone.

"Adara?"

"Rory? What are you doing here??" Iris asked, schooling her expression into a perfect mask, so that it didn't look her world was falling apart.

"We need to talk about us."

"Talk about what? I am golden and everything is totally normal!! What's wrong with you?" Iris rushed, her eyes searching for a way out, but there weren't any escaping for her while Rory grilled her.

"Me?? What's the matter with you?? I am not the one avoiding my girlfriend."

"I have been busy with the workload." Iris said as she looked away.

"Do you think I am that oblivious? Do you think I can't see though you? See the pain, the sadness and the guilt? The fears and demons that haunt you? Do you thing that I am that blind?" Aurora implored.

Iris just looked the other way, feeling way too exposed. She didn't like to be scrutinized and psycho-analysed all the time.

"Adara, I care for you. I want to help you. Please. Just please open up." Aurora pleaded.

"Maybe I don't want your help."

"What?!"

"You heard me. Maybe I don't want to be fixed. I am not a project Aurora that needs fixing!!" Iris said in a cold voice. Iris was getting really angry. Why does everyone she meet think that she needs fixing? Wasn't she enough? Wasn't being herself enough?

"Why do you feel the incessant need to try and mend the broken ends? I am not perfect and I know but am I not enough? Isn't me being myself not enough??"

"Yes you are enough and more-" Aurora tried to reason but she was interrupted.

"Why did you start dating me?"

"Because I like the way you are funny, smart, empathetic and kind." She said without hesitation.

"Then just accept me for those reasons, no?! I have my baggage and we all do. Just because you resolved yours doesn't mean that I am ready to let it go. NEWS FLASH! I am damaged goods, Aurora. And there is nothing that can change that. I have learnt to coexist with it and I am doing just fine."

"But I don't want you to bear that burden-"

"Alone?? C'mon Rory, quit being so naive. I have been doing that since the last 15 years, and I am here, aren't I? Not every infection is meant to be poked and prodded. Some heal slowly and gradually. Somethings are just meant to be left how they are!!"

Aurora was also getting angry. She knew Iris was lashing out but that damn well didn't give her the license to spew shit and treat her in a crappy way. "Naive?? Me?? Bitch please. It's you who is the naive one who thinks that if you close your eyes and turn the other way, your problems will vanish magically."

"Stop with the 'holier than thou' attitude. You don't even know the hell I have gone through-"

"So TELL ME! ENLIGHTEN ME! Is it really that hard to open up to me? Have I not been anything but open to you? Adara tell me." Tears of frustration began to pool around Aurora's eyes.

"Yes...you have been." Iris sighed.

"Then why? Why with all the walls? Who has hurt you so bad that it changed you so much?" She reached for Iris, to hold her and keep her protected from all the evils of the world.

But Iris just stepped away from her. Aurora felt a pang in her chest, from the distance between them. "No Rory...you don't understand. The truth is like a can of worms. Sometimes it's better to not know the truth than know it and deal with the consequences." Iris spoke lowly.

Aurora felt another pang in her chest. She smoothened her shirt and looked up with a cool gaze. "Very well. I am gonna go before we say anything we regret. You want space, and I will respect that. Good day." She turned around and walked out.

Iris just stood there stunned. She had done it again. Pushed the person who gave a damn about her.

What the fuck had she done?

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

"Mr. Grayson Alejandro requested for parole and he has been granted that because of good behaviour. He will be a free man by tomorrow." Thomas Mendez, Iris' lawyer spoke on the phone.

Iris' blood ran cold and she couldn't breathe. She moved into the first empty room, which turned out be an examination room. "Can't we do anything else to keep him in there?" Iris pleaded.

"I am trying but it won't help. I am so sorry Iris. I suggest you get a restraining order against your father."

"He is NOT my father. He is a monster. And, I-I already have it. But I know him. He promised me that the moment he gets out he is going to come for me. What do I do Thomas?! I am terrified."

"Relax. I won't let him get to you. We can apply for Protection from abus-"

"No. That's just a bullshit piece of paper. My mom had it and I had it but still did it stop him?? NO. Just, Thomas please, try and do something about this. He already messaged me thrice last week, and called me up once. I am half in mind to skip country and change my name to Sandy."

"Now that would be interesting..."

"THOMAS!! Focus."

Thomas chuckled. "Yeah, yeah I am kidding. But, not a serious note, I am not gonna disappoint you. If he even takes a shit in the wrong way, I will throw his ass in jail. Gotta go now, Luz is picking up a brick again."

"Yeah, bye." Iris chuckled but as she hung up the phone, the anxiety started creeping in. She was just going to leave the room when her phone rang again. It was an unknown number.

"Yes, Dr. Everette speaking."

"Oh so formal, mija." Iris' blood chilled to the bone. She could not formulate a sentence. She thought she won't have to see or hear his voice for another two years.

No, no, no... This can't be happening.

Gathering all her strength she responded in a cool and curt voice. "Grayson."

"What, you won't call me papá or daddy? Tsk tsk, you have been naughty."

"Shut the fuck up asshole. By law, I could throw you into a holding cell for stalking."

"Someone needs to get punished." He sang.

"What. Do. You. Want?" She said with a restrained voice.

"Is 'loving father reconnecting with my daughter after ten years' a valid reason?"

She scoffed. "No. 'Cause if you really loved me or mom, you would use kind gestures, not fists on a fucking ten year old for SIX consecutive years!!" She shouted, spiralling out of control.

All the playfulness was gone from his voice. "Do you remember the oath that I swore before you ruined my life?"

Iris remembered it. Crystal clear. It would always haunt her irrespective of how much she had dwelled in this false sense of security. He was gonna come out one day, and the day he did he was going to come after her.

"Listen mija, and listen good. I am going to come for you, oh yes I will. I will take away all the good things in your life, all your friends, dreams, lovers and burn them right in front of your eyes. And then after that,

I. Will. KILL. YOU.

It's a promise. So, see you soon sweetheart.... Because daddy's home." And with that, he cut the phone.

Iris lowered the phone, tremors going up her hand. They were so violent, that the phone dropped out of her clutches. She could feel beads of perspiration accumulate on her forehead. Her palms were clammy and it felt as if something had lodged itself in her throat, making it difficult to breath. Her chest squeezed and she hunched over, wheezing. Eyes wide with shock, she realised that she was going into a panic attack.

She tried focusing on her breathing but the more she tried, the shorter her breath became. Clutching her chest, she staggered backwards hitting a surgical tray, scattering everything on the floor. The loud crash made her body go into a frenzy. She clutched the examination bed, but she slipped and came to rest on the floor.

Wheezing, she curled up on the cold floor. This is it. Adios world...

"Rookie. ROOKIE." Ethan ran up to the curled resident on the floor. He held her face in his hands. Iris thrashed. "No, no, NO... GO AWAY!!"

"Iris! IRIS!! DAMMIT LOOK AT ME. It's me, Ethan. Your friend. Your brother."

"Huh??" Iris continued to claw on the floor curling into a ball.

He held her hands and squeezed. "Iris you have battled worse things before and I know you can do it again. Take deep breaths." He took and placed her hands on his chest. "Follow my breathing pattern."

In. Out. In. Out.

Her breathing slowed down, but the attack was still going strong.

"Now repeat after me. Three things can't be hidden- the sun, the moon, the truth."

Taking a mouthful of air, she wheezed out after him. "Three things can't be hidden- the sun, the moon, the truth."

"Again." Ethan said as he wrapped his arms around her, tightly and started rocking her back and forth.

Listening to Ethan's velvety and baritone voice, feeling his heartbeat on her back Iris slowly receded from the edge. When she could finally make coherent words and it didn't feel like her lungs were getting crushed by the weight of her past, she turned towards Ethan with a amused smile. "Brother huh?"

"Shut up." Ethan grimaced.

"The big diagnostician thinks of me, a poor resident as his sister. Wow, who would have thought, huh?"

"Yeah after the day you bluntly rejected me, I see you as nothing more than family."

"Oh yaaa. You were making these wierd eyes and I was like- 'with all due respect, I am like wayyy to gay dude'." Iris giggled. Ethan grimaced, feeling embarassed. A moment of silence passed before Iris spoke up.

"Remember when I told you that I have a restraining order against someone?" Ethan nodded.

"Well, the time has come for it to be put into force." Iris breathed out. Ethan just gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Okay..I will inform security. Did you tell Aurora about it?"

Iris sighed. "No...we had a fight."

"See Everette. I am not good with all these feelings bs, but she is your girlfriend. And you should not feel the need to hide such thing. I can clearly see, she wants to help. Why not let her?"

"Because I am scared that if she sees the ugly parts, she might run away. She might not like what she sees. I don't want to loose her..."

"But, is hiding it helping either of you?"

Iris sighed. "No its not."

I have one gif to summarise what's coming up

Let me know what you think!! Also like and reblog :))

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi! I tried to send this before, but I’m not sure it went through. Forgive me if you got this request twice. Do you possibly know any fics where John chooses Sherlock over Mary? Specifically after Sherlock comes back, John realizes that his feelings for Sherlock are more than what he feels for Mary? Thank you for any help! Your blog is a treasure! Thank you!

Hi Nonny!

I could have sworn I’ve already answered this ask, but I’m not finding the post nor the offline fic rec list I make in case of Tumblr fuckups, and I apparently didn’t, so… HERE WE GO!!

It’s not all of the fics I have for sure... I just posted the ones I remember! Please feel free, lovelies, to add your own fics!! I’ve certainly missed some!!!

JOHN CHOOSES SHERLOCK OVER MARY

See also: 

Sherlock and John’s Wedding

Marriage, Weddings, & Proposals (April 2019)

Proposals

Infidelity

Evil / Not-Nice / Villain Mary

It's a Dummy by Johnnlocked (Krullenbol2602) (T, 2,574 w., 1 Ch. || HLV-Remix, Major Character Injury, H/C, Love Confessions, Mary is Not Nice, 3G Moment) – What if Mary had taken the shot?

Let Go by thisisforyou (G, 2,743 w., 1 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious / Worried Sherlock) – In the end, separating John's things from Sherlock's in the chaos of their sitting room is like pulling a limpet from a wet rock. Especially when the rock is clinging on for dear life, because Sherlock doesn't want to let go. Short, fluffy h/c Johnlock oneshot.

My First, My Only, and My Forever by vintagelilacs (E, 6,220 w., 1 Ch. || Post-ASiB, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Bum, John’s Scar, Sherlock POV, Body Worship, Fingering, Bottomlock, Promise of Forever / Proposals, Misunderstanding, First Kiss/Time, Loss of Virginity, Virginity Kink, Seduction) – Sherlock narrowed his eyes. He was missing a vital piece of data, he was sure. John had been looking at him oddly ever since they left Buckingham Palace, and the ensuing incident with Irene Adler had only exacerbated his erratic behaviour. What was it? Why would he care that Sherlock was a virgin? There was nothing reminiscent of mockery or pity in his gaze. And then it hit him. John Watson was aroused.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,689 w., 8 Ch. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Beach Holidays, Confused Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w., 4 Ch. ||  H/C, Injury, Slow Burn) – When John's left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she's about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock, Wings) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

Scars by SilentAuror (E, 60,494 w., 5 Ch. || Rape / Non-Con / Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Dub Con Elements, Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice) – S3 rewrite, showing Mary’s manipulation of John as he realizes his love for Sherlock. Mary is not having it.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (E, 62,006 w., 25 Ch. || First Person Sherlock POV, Pining, Angst, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Sherlock Learns About Himself, Happy Ending) – Sherlock struggles with his feelings for John, makes a mistake, and learns just how important he and John are to each other. Non-BBC Mary / John, but it’s a *complicated* relationship.

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

The Moonlight and the Frost by CaitlinFairchild (E, 77,289 w., 10 Ch. || Case Fic, Post-HLV, Self Harm, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Oral/Anal/Rimming, Romance, Angst, Mary is Not Nice) – John has to somehow rebuild his life in the wake of Mary's betrayal and Sherlock's deceptions.

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock POV, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

[coyotesongwriting]

Free Falling - Chapter 3

Avengers - Clint Barton/Reader

Chapter 3 - Baby Birds

Chapter Summary: Time stops for no one, and you face a pregnancy scare that leads you with no choice but to contact the team.

Author’s Note: I wrote Chapter 2 last night before bed, and now this chapter as soon as I woke up LOL. [Y/F/N] means your fake name, I didn’t want to pick one in case it turns out to be a reader’s actual name haha. A lot of time passes in this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters so don’t sue me please. I just really like them haha

Tag List (if you want to be added or removed let me know!):   @rorynne @proudhufflepuff77 @rhymesmenagerie @redfoxwritesstuff @darthhayber @alwaysadreamingoptimist @samsgoddess @kaelyn-lobrutto24

Previous Chapter

The team sat in silence for a moment, no one knew what to say. There’d been no signs this was coming, no hints that they saw. Everyone was scouring their memories, searching the last months for any sign that you were unhappy here enough to leave. 

The silence was broken by Thor, grabbing Clint by the shirt and pinning him against the wall, “WHAT DID YOU DO?” he roared, fury rolling across his face.

Clint’s mouth opened and closed, no sound coming out. He had no answers for the god of thunder. He had no idea, everything had been going great, hadn’t it? Hell, you two had just had a date night two days before and everything had been great! 

“Let him go, Thor.” Steve ordered, moving forward and placing his hand on the man’s shoulder, “We need to figure this out.”

Thor didn’t move, glaring at Clint pinned against the wall, “Not until he tells us what he did to Miss [Y/N}.”

“Thor, we won’t get any answers if you kill him,” Bucky said, stepping between Clint and Thor.

With a growl of frustration, Thor dropped Clint’s shirt as if it burned him. He stalked to the other side of the room and glared at him. If looks could kill, Clint would be dead one hundred times over.

Tony let out a deep breath, “Friday, use facial recognition and figure out where she went. We need to find out what the hell is going on”

“I’m sorry sir, I can’t do that. I have no records of Miss [Y/N]. I have no pictures to use facial recognition on” Friday’s voice seemed to echo around the now silent room.

“What about the video? Use that.” 

“The video has now been corrupted. It seems that it was intended to be viewed only once as it was” 

The video began to play again, only this time your face had been erased. It was just audio over a black screen. You’d been careful to hide everything you could.

“Use our security footage. Get it there.” Tony ordered, cursing you silently.

“Sir, that is not possible. It seems that Miss [Y/N] uploaded a virus. There is one unidentified person on the security footage who I believe to be her, but the footage has been corrupted and the person’s face has been blurred out.”

“Show me. Now.” Tony ordered, turning back to the screen.

Sure enough, though there you were as you took your bags of belongings to the incinerator, your face was blacked out, erased like you were merely another face in the crowd. Natasha had yet to move, or say a word. Silently, she sat there plotting your murder for hurting the team, and Clint.

“What about her Fingerprints? DNA? There has to be something.” Tony’s voice was almost a plea, hoping you’d left something behind, some way to find you.

“Her sister has to have a picture of her” Clint spoke for the first time since the video had played, his voice rough.

“Clint, Tony, let’s go. Thor, Natasha, see if you can find anything she may have left behind. Banner, see if you can find any trace of her in our records hidden, maybe she forgot something. Bucky, contact Peter and the others. See if anyone else has heard from her. Loki, see if anyone in the tower knows anything.” Steve ordered, not waiting for anyone’s response before leaving the room.

~~~~~~

Your fraternal twin sister, Nadia, glared at Clint as she opened the door, “What do you want?” her voice was venomous.

Clint stared at her, confused. They’d always gotten along well, there was no reason he could think of that would make her hate him so. Something was going on, and he had no clue what. This all made no sense to him.

Tony stepped forward, “Hey Nadia. We need a picture of [Y/N] if you wouldn’t mind.” he kept his voice even, not trying to let on anything was seriously wrong.

“If I wouldn’t mind?” she spat, “You lot need to stay the fuck away from my family. [Y/N]’s gone thanks to you.”

Steve stepped forward puzzled, “Nadia, what’s going on? We got back from a mission and she was gone, she just left us a video and no explanation. Is she okay?”

Nadia let out a humorless laugh, “Is she okay? I wouldn’t know any more thanks to you lot. If you want what’s best for her, you’ll let her go.”

“Nadia please - “ Clint started, cut off by Nadia as she slapped him hard across the face.

“Don’t come around here anymore. You’ve done enough” she growled, stepping back inside and locking the door. 

Tony and Steve turned to Clint who stood there, stunned. His hand rested on his cheek as he stared at the now shut door. Steve rested his hand on Clint’s shoulder, and Tony merely stood there watching. 

~~~~~~

Later that evening, you arrived in your new home town. Cataldo, Idaho, a small town with a population of 893 people. Big enough for you to hide in the crowds during events, but small enough that you had the chance to meet all of your neighbors, and run background checks on everyone in town. An hour outside of Spokane, Washington, you were close enough to an international airport that if you needed to, you’d have time to get out of dodge quickly but far enough away that no one would stumble across you accidentally.

It had been a long journey to this place. You’d taken four flights, five trains, three taxis, changing identities between every switch. Finally, you purchased an old beat-up truck under your new name, [Y/F/N]. You drove through the silent town, pulling to a stop outside the little three-bedroom home you’d bought in an online auction a few days ago. It was a little run down, but it was home now. Nothing you couldn’t tackle before the baby came. It was midnight by the time you arrived, and you quickly fell asleep on the floor in your new home.

The next morning, you awoke to gentle sunlight spreading across you. You had to get a move on, you had a new life to create. First things first, you had to hack SHIELD’s database again. What better place to hide from the team than under their noses? It didn’t take you long to build an employee file under your new name. You made sure to make no mention of your medical knowledge or hacking skills, knowing those would be a dead giveaway. Instead, you noted your skills in other departments, undercover work, interviewing, tracking. Your new employee file made you completely and totally average, someone who would blend in without a second thought.

It was easy to then put through the transfer paperwork to transfer you from the Dallas field office to the Spokane office, with your start date as next Monday. That would give you plenty of time to get everything in order. 

Over the next week, you dyed your hair [Y/F/C] and bought colored contacts to hide your identity, making sure that it matched your new file for SHIELD. You fixed up your new home, and furnished it completely, turning one of the rooms into a guest room - you needed to keep up appearances of course - and the basement became a gym and home office. 

On Friday you had your first appointment with an OBGYN. Thankfully, the doctor said that everything was going well. As the appointment progressed though, a small smile crept over your new doctor’s face as she pointed to one spot on the ultrasound.

“[Y/F/N], looks to me like you need to be buying everything in doubles. You’re carrying twins.” 

~~~~~~

Months had passed since you had left the team and found out you were carrying twins. Things were going honestly pretty good. You’d settled in at work, and no one suspected that you were hiding anything. You’d had to tell your boss you were pregnant, and even though they’d only met you recently everyone seemed to be genuinely happy for you. At six months pregnant, the doctor had ordered you put on desk duty and although you were quickly growing bored, it was nice to not have to worry about running into any of the team on the field.

Of course, you couldn’t help but wonder how the team would have reacted, and at night, you mourned for those lost chances and moments. You’d never get to see Tony making the babies gifts that made your life a living nightmare. You’d never get to see Natasha spoiling them or teaching them to fight. However, you’d also never have to see Clint reject you or your little birds as you’d taken to calling them.

A month ago, you’d stumbled across a one-eyed Golden Retriever pup in the dumpster behind the offices, and you’d taken him home. Lucky had been your saving grace in the moments when depression had taken over. Friday nights were the hardest on you still, remembering your date nights with Clint. On those nights, you and Lucky curled up on the couch and shared a pizza. 

Unfortunately, life seemed to enjoy kicking you whenever it had the chance. When your doctor finally got the results back of your prenatal testing, you found out you were a carrier for Leber’s Congenital Amaurosis. Meaning, there was a chance one or both of your babies could be born blind if Clint was also a carrier. 

~~~~~~

Banner was working in the lab when his phone rang, an unidentified number flashing on the screen, although he answered it without paying much attention, “Banner”

“Hey Bruce” your voice was soft, nervous. You hadn’t spoken to any of them in months. Four months, three weeks, two days to be specific. 

You heard the clatter of something dropped and a sharp inhale before he spoke, “[Y/N]? Is that really you? Are you okay? What’s wrong? What happened?” the questions flew out of him before you could even hope to answer the first.

“Yeah… yeah, it’s me. I’m fine, Bruce. I’m sorry to call you out of the blue like this but… I need a favor. Two really” 

“Anything. Tell me what you need, [Y/N]” he leaned against the table, catching Tony’s gaze and motioning for him to be quiet as he put it on speakerphone. They’d been working together in the lab when you called.

“First, I need you to keep this call a secret. You can’t tell anyone I called or about my other favor, Please. I’m begging you, Bruce”

“[Y/N] come on, you know everyone wants to know if you’re okay”

“Bruce. No. No one can know about this, okay? Please”

A sigh came across the line before he answered, “Alright. Alright, I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

“I need a blood sample from Clint sent to Integrated Genetics under the name Matthew Adams.”

“What? Why would you need that? What’s going on [Y/N]”

Tony stared at the phone, his eyebrows pulled together in confusion as his thoughts raced. Why the hell did you need that? While Bruce answered, Tony was searching the lab on his phone. Apparently, it was a lab that did genetic testing.

“Please, Bruce. I am begging you. Please just do it” your voice broke, and the line clicked dead as you hung up.

Bruce immediately tried to call you back, but the only response was the phone company telling you the line had been disconnected. He turned to Tony, curiosity on his face.

“What's going on? Why would she need a blood sample from Clint?” Banner asked.

“According to their website, Integrated Genetics does pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, pediatric and hereditary cancer testing” Tony’s voice was quiet as he looked up from the phone.

“Fuck.” 

Tony and Banner quickly gathered the rest of the team except Natasha and Clint who were off on a mission in the living room. It had been a rough few months for the team. Thor refused to be in the same room as Clint, figuring he had done something to you to make you leave. Loki was… Well, no one really wanted to talk to Loki anymore after he went so far as to question if you were actually a Hydra spy all along. Clint had almost killed him when he let slip that theory. Tensions were high with everyone.

“I think we know why [Y/N] left.” Tony started when everyone had taken a seat. He raised his hand to silence them as they all began to talk. “Banner just got a call from her. She’s okay as far as we could tell, but we think we figured out what’s going on. We think she’s pregnant.”

The room was so silent you could have heard a pin drop as everyone processed what he’d said.

Steve was the first to speak, “That’s good news? Why would she leave over that?”

“Remember the mission in Boston? The last one we all went on?” Banner asked, waiting for them to nod before continuing, “That night during our movie, Clint told her repeatedly that he never wanted kids, and they had to be careful they never made that mistake.”

“Do you know where she is?” Steve asked, at the exact same time that Thor growled that he was going to kill Clint.

“She didn’t say where she was, Friday couldn’t track the call and the number’s already disconnected. She asked us to get a blood sample from Clint and have it sent to a lab that does genetic screenings for pregnancies.” Banner explained.

“We can’t tell him.” Tony’s voice was steady, “Or Natasha. It’s only going to kill him, and we can’t be 100% certain that’s what’s going on.”

The team agreed.

~~~~~~

Your doctor called you two weeks later, she’d gotten the test results back from the lab for ‘Matthew Adams’. Clint wasn’t a carrier, and there was nothing else to be concerned about with that. With the way the pregnancy was coming along, you were going to give birth to two beautiful twins, a baby boy, and a baby girl. 

With the help of your neighbors, you managed to finish setting up the nursery for your little birds. 

 Back at the tower, the rest of the team had stepped up their attempts to find you, sparing no expense. Clint and Natasha had no idea that you had called or that you were pregnant, and Steve had asked Thor to go search Europe for you, mainly to keep him away from Clint. 

~~~~~~

On May 15, at 37 weeks, you went into labor at your desk. Your co-worker and friend raced you to the hospital and stayed with you as you gave birth to two beautiful, healthy babies. They were the spitting image of their father with his dark hair and light eyes. You named your baby girl Raven, and your baby boy, Griffin and you wondered what Clint would think of you giving them bird names for him.

You cried the day they were born, feeling guilty for everything they’d miss out on because of you. They’d never know their grandparents, their aunts, uncles, cousins, no one. For the first time in months, you felt utterly alone.

When the nurse handed you your babies for the first time, you realized none of that mattered anymore. You’d never be alone again, and while they may miss out on a lot due to your mistakes, you vowed you’d make sure they never felt like they were missing out.

Two days later, the doctor finally discharged you and the three of you headed home, where you were greeted by your beloved Lucky who the neighbor’s kids had been caring for while you were gone. 

Yeah, you were sad but for the first time in months, things seemed to be looking up. You got this.

Next Chapter ->

Find this story on AO3

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner Ch22: I Don't Like People Touching My Stuff!

Summary: The Avenger’s search for the sceptre reaches a dramatic conclusion meaning Katie and Steve finally get the breathing place to start planning their future. But when another girl takes a rather obvious shine to Steve, Katie is not particularly pleased...

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Bad language, Smut (NSFW) No Under 18.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist

Tag list and requests open! Send me an Ask

  April 2015.

It was apparent when The Avengers landed in the snow-covered forest that this was the heaviest guarded base they had hit in the 6 months they had been searching for Loki’s Sceptre. The guards were positioned a mile out, complete with barbed wire fences and road blocks and the minute Thor, Tony and Katie took off from the back of the jet all hell had broken loose. This was instantly a Code Green, and Banner transformed into the huge Hulk and with his help the group managed to commandeer a jeep and a motorcycle, Natasha driving the jeep supported by Clint and Steve was on the bike, obviously.

One of the Hydra agents managed to leap up at the side of Steve and he swerved sharply to the left, landing a kick to his chest, knocking him away. The Captain surged the bike forward as another Soldier ran towards him and he leant over and grabbed his leg, dragging him along before tossing him into another approaching hostile, knocking them both unconscious. As he continued he flung his shield forward where it bounced off a tree along with a few more Hydra soldiers before he caught it again and secured it on his back, swerving the bike to avoid another oncoming jeep. The Hulk caught said offending jeep and tossed it aside easily, before continuing on his own rampage

Ahead of Steve, Katie shot downwards so she was 3 feet at most off the snow covered forest floor and spiralled straight into a group of soldiers like a bowling bowl into a set of pins, scattering them across the ground.

“STRRRRIIIKKKEEE…” she heard Tony quip and she laughed as The Avengers began to advance on the barricade that was the only defence left from keeping them out of the base. Steve sped his bike up, propelling himself over the barbed wire after Tony and Katie, Natasha swerved the truck behind him hard to the left and her and Clint jumped out, legs extended, kicking anyone they came into contact with.

“Up high Kiddo…” Tony said and the siblings sped forward, taking out a few more in their path before climbing up towards the base. Katie closed in, but suddenly hit a force field, which reverberated and sent her spiralling off to the side.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, righting herself whilst she looked round

"Language," Steve reprimanded, the familiar joke telling-off slipping past his lips without him really thinking about it. "JARVIS what's the view from upstairs?"

"The central building is protected by some kind of, energy shield." JARVIS responded easily through the communication devices. "Strucker's technology is well beyond anything of a HYDRA base we've taken."

"Loki's sceptre must be here," Thor said as Steve saw him swing his hammer, fighting off more Hydra soldiers. "Strucker couldn't mount this defence without it. At long last."

 “At long last is lasting a little long, guys." Katie’s voice echoed along with the sound of her beams as she aimed them at another bunch of soldiers who were shooting at her and Tony from the top of the fortress.

"Yeah," Clint scoffed "I think we lost the element of surprise."

"Wait a second," Tony interrupted, "Is no one going to deal with the fact that Cap just said 'language'?"

"I know," Steve sighed speeding head on in the direction of one of the trucks. He pulled the brakes on the bike, launching himself forwards, his hands on the handlebars throwing the bike over his head watching it crash into the truck.

"It just slipped out." he said with a sigh. It had been a joke, but he knew full well the joke was going to be on him now.

"Sir the city is taking fire." JARVIS informed them as Katie dodged the fire that was being aimed at them from the top of the fortress

"Well we know Strucker isn't going to worry about civilian casualties," Tony responded, "Send in the Iron Legion."

“How do we get this force field down?” Katie asked

“There has to be a source…” Tony mused, as they circled the fortress again. “JARVIS…” “Working on it Sir.”

"Clint!" Natasha’s frantic shout made both Tony and Katie pause, and that pause cost her as a flash hit the side of her suit and sent her ricocheting to the side, colliding heavily with one of the walls of the fortress. Her suit clanged heavily with the forcefield and she once more dinged off the side.

"We have an enhanced in the field." Steve reported, as Katie shook her head, flying back up after Tony. 

"Clint's hit." Natasha spoke again “Somebody wanna' deal with that bunker?”

Katie looked down, scanning to find where Natasha was referring to but before she could do anything the Hulk gave a mighty roar and she turned to see him crash through it.

"Thank you." Nat spoke again.

"Stark," Steve grunted, and Katie turned her head to see he was fighting half a dozen or so agents. She shot towards them, taking 2 down with her repulsors as Steve’s shield flew from his arm in an arc and connected with another 2 "We really need to get inside."

"I'm closing in," Tony responded as Katie landed by Steve, shooting at another soldier. More were approaching and as she shot and flew at them, she heard Tony’s voice in her ear.

"Drawbridge is down people." he said triumphantly.

Thor landed nearby with a flourish of lightening that took down the last set of soldiers for now. "The enhanced?" he questioned as Katie slid back her face plate.

"He's a blur," Steve said as he jogged towards them. "With all the new players we've faced I've never seen this. In fact, I still haven't."

"Clint's hit pretty back guys," Natasha's concerned voice came through coms again, "We're gonna need evac."

"I can get Barton to the jet, the sooner we're gone the better." Thor said, "You two and Stark secure the sceptre"

"Copy that." Steve responded.

Katie looked around and suddenly noticed that a line of soldiers were approaching, with a tank directly behind them.

“Errrr boys…”

Thor and Steve both looked around and Thor titled his head to one side, curiously.

"Hmmm looks like they're lining up." He said,

"Well they're excited." Steve huffed holding up his shield and bracing himself while Katie took a step back and ducked. Thor brought his hammer down on the shield where the force reverberated off and hit the soldiers knocking them all down. A perfectly executed move, fresh from the training room.

"Find the sceptre." Thor said, taking off.

"And for gosh sake's watch your language." Tony exclaimed sarcastically into the coms.

"That's not going away anytime soon." Steve sighed, looking at Katie. Even though half his face was obscured by his helmet she could see the look of exasperation on his face and grinned.

“Yeah, Tony is gonna bring that up at every opportunity he gets” she shrugged as they began to make their way to the entrance of the building.

**** Katie looked at her brother who was staring at the console of the jet, a faraway look in his eyes.

“You sure you’re alright Tone?” she asked him

“Yeah just you know, little bit relieved it’s done…finally” he said, flicking some more switches. Whilst Katie wasn’t sure she believed him, she knew she wasn’t going to get anything else out of him at the moment so she stood up and made her way over to her fiancée who was now stood with Thor, the pair of them looking at the Sceptre.

“So you think what powers this is a similar force to the tesseract?” Steve asked, breaking the silence between the two men who had, up until that point simply been staring at the thing, unable to believe they had it. He moved his arm gently, as Katie slid comfortably underneath it, dropping a kiss to the side of her head but other than that his attention was fully on Thor.

“Yes.” Thor pondered, his fingers skating over the glass it was encased in. “The power they both give off is immeasurable…”  

"Thor!” came Nat’s voice loudly, and all 3 of them turned to face her “Report on the Hulk."

"Oh, err the gates of Hell are filled with the screams of his victims." Thor said smiling and raising his fist triumphantly but dropped it when Nat turned to look at him in disbelief as Katie hit him on the arm. Steve supressed a smile, looking upwards whilst shaking his head, both his hands dropping to his buckle.

"But not the screams of the dead," Thor spoke again, quickly trying to correct himself as Bruce put his head in his hands and groaned as Nat shot the God another filthy look "Of course. No, no, wounded screams. Mainly whimpering, a great deal of complaining and tales of sprained deltoids and errr gout."

 “Gout?”  Katie looked at him as Steve shook besides her with supressed mirth. 

“What?” Thor shrugged and was about to open his mouth again but thankfully he was interrupted by Tony.

"Hey, Banner, Dr. Cho is on her way in from Seoul." he cut in from the cockpit. "Is it okay if she sets up in your lab?"

"Yeah, she knows her way around." Bruce responded quickly.

"Thanks." Tony told him shortly before going back to the controls on the jet.  He muttered something, before he spoke a bit louder instructing Jarvis to take the wheel.

"Yes sir, approach vector is locked." The disembodied voice responded as Tony moved to join Katie, Steve and Thor around the sceptre.

"It feels good, yeah?" Tony began placing his hand comfortably in his pockets as he looked at Thor "I mean, you've been after this thing since SHIELD collapsed. Not that I haven't enjoyed our little raiding parties, but…" he trailed off.

"But this, this brings it to a close." Thor finished for him staring proudly down at the sceptre.

"As soon as we find out what else this has been used for." Steve said, looking at the sceptre curiously. “I don't just mean weapons. Since when is Strucker capable of human enhancement?"

"Banner and I will give it the once over before it goes back to Asgard." Tony assured looking at the sceptre then back at Thor "Is that cool with you? Just a few days till the farewell party. You're staying, right?"

"Yes, yes, of course." Thor looked back to the sceptre, placing one of his hands on the box with a smile "A victory should be honoured with revels."

"Yeah, who doesn't love revels?" Tony spoke lightly. "You guys?" he asked looking at Katie and Steve as Steve slid his arm round his girl's waist. Seeing as they lived at the tower, it was kind of a given they would be there anyway, but Tony had aimed the question at Steve more than his sister, still giving him the chance to avoid a hectic social gathering if he so wished but he didn’t. Despite the fact he enjoyed a quiet life on the whole, he also quite enjoyed socialising on occasions too. And Thor was right, this called for a good party.

 "Hopefully this puts an end to the Chitauri and Hydra, so…yes, revels." Steve replied smiling slightly as he used the arm around Katie’s waist to squeeze her hip as Tony turned to speak to Thor, outlining his plans for the Sceptre.

Katie spun her body so she was facing Steve, both his hands locking at the base of her back. “Sooo, Captain America going to let his hair down?” she grinned.

“No, Steve Rogers is.” he smiled

“Steve is definitely my favourite…” she said, running her hands up his chest, feeling the solid material of his Uniform “Cap’s an asshole. And a bossy bastard.”

“I know, you tell me this a lot” he quipped, leaning down to give her a peck on the lips.

A few hours later they arrived home. Natasha and Bruce wheeled Clint out first, passing Maria Hill as she walked onto the jet, addressing Tony, moving out of the way as Thor also left, the sceptre tucked under his arm.

“Lab's all set up, boss” Hill spoke.

Tony pointed at Steve who was crouching down putting a few things back in one of the equipment crates. “Uh, actually, he's the boss... I just pay for everything, and design everything and make everyone look cooler.”

Katie smiled to herself as Steve sighed; pretending to be irritated, but the shine in his eyes told a different story. He thrived in his role as leader.

“What's the word on Strucker?” he asked Maria, straightening up.

“NATO's got him.” She said, pressing something on her tablet.

“What about the two enhanced?” Katie asked, “Anything on them?”

“Wanda and Pietro Maximoff. Twins.” She said handing Steve the tablet. He swiped across the screen and the image sprang to life. Katie watched the tablet in Steve’s hands as the two kids were partaking in some kind of demonstration.

“Orphaned at ten when a shell collapsed their apartment building. Sokovia's had a rough history. It's nowhere special but it's on the way to everywhere special.”

Together the three of them strode across the landing pad, leaving Tony behind on the jet doing his usual post flight shut down controls. 

“Their abilities?” Steve quizzed as they headed through the locker area heading towards the elevator at the end.

“He's got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis. Her thing is neural electric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation.”

Steve looked at her, his eyebrow raised.

“He's fast and she's weird.” Katie said, rephrasing it for him. Maria let out a small smirk.

“Well, they're going to show up again.” He said, pressing the button for the elevator.

“Agreed. File says they volunteered for Strucker's experiments. It's nuts” Maria said as Katie and Steve stepped in to the elevator and turned to face her. Katie looked down at her feet, smiling before she glanced sideways at Steve who was looking at Maria.

“Right. What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country?” his voice was ladled with sarcasm. He knew Hill hadn’t meant it like that but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to jibe her.

Maria realised what she had said and looked at him, taking a deep breath. “We're not at war, Captain” she responded.

“They are.” He said, and then the lift door shut.

“Turns out Cap is Bossy and sarcastic…” Katie said, raising an eyebrow but not looking at him.

He paused for a second, smirking, before he turned to her, gently pushing her shoulders to back her into the wall of the elevator as his lips crashed onto hers, body pinning her into place. He kissed her, hard and his hand slid up to grasp her chin, holding her head in position as his tongue tangled easily with hers. It took Katie a second to catch up with what was going on, he’d surprised her slightly, but once she did she kissed him back, hungrily.  The elevator stopped and he stepped back, leaving her breathless and hanging as he exited the lift wearing a huge smirk, tablet still in his hand.

Whilst Steve headed off to find a quiet corner in which to study the tablet some more Katie, once she had managed to calm her spiking libido, walked into the lab area. Tony was coming down the steps, out of the room Clint was in. Bruce was stood just outside, looking through the window.

“How is he?” Katie asked.

“Well he’s still Barton so…” Tony shrugged.

“That’s terrible…” Banner said, shaking his head.

“He’s good, he’s thirsty so…” Tony shrugged. Banner smiled and headed into the lab as Katie held back, looking at Tony.

“And you, are you sure you’re alright?” she asked, “You looked a bit peaky before.”

“Just the amount of stuff that was in Strucker’s lab…” her brother murmured “There was a tonne of it Kiddo, a fuck tonne. We didn’t do as good a job of cleaning up after the battle here as we thought.”

“We did the best we could.” she said, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Yeah maybe, anyway I’m going to go fix a drink so…”

He wandered off and Katie watched him go. Something was telling her that her brother wasn’t being completely honest with what was bothering him, but she knew better than to press him. He’d tell her when he wanted to.

As she walked into the room where Clint was led, Natasha was stood beside him, Dr Cho’s machine working on the wound in his side.

 “So is he going to be ok Doc because pretending to need this guy really keeps the team together” Natasha teased. Clint muttered back a response that Katie didn’t quite catch whilst Banner bent over the kit that was currently mending his wound together, his nose centimetres away from Barton’s side as he studied it, a look of astonishment and awe on his face.

“She's creating tissue.” He said, incredulously looking at Natasha, then to Katie.

Helen Cho smiled, and checked the wound and the machine before looking at Banner “If you brought him to my lab, the regeneration Cradle could do this in twenty minutes.”

“Oh he's flatlining.” Tony returned to the lab with 7 plastic cups full of his power green smoothie that had become a bit of a post mission ritual. Katie took one from him as he continued to pass them around whilst teasing Clint. “Call it. Time?”

“No, no, no. I'm going to live forever. I'm gonna be made of plastic.” Clint said, glancing up.

“Here's your beverage” Tony said, handing him a cup.

“You'll be made of you, Mr. Barton. Your own girlfriend won't be able to tell the difference.” Dr Cho assured him. 

“Well, I don't have a girlfriend.” Clint said, swallowing the mouthful of drink he had taken, sharing a glance with Katie and she smirked.

No, just a wife.

“That I can't fix.” Helen Cho smiled, before looking at my brother “This is the next thing, Tony. Your clunky metal suits are going to be left in the dust”.

“Well, that is exactly the plan. And Helen, I expect to see you at the party on Saturday.”

“Unlike you, I don't have a lot of time for parties.” She paused, looking down at her clip board “Will Thor be there?”

“Oh yes…” Katie said, placing the empty cup on the tray and picking up the remaining 2. “He’s a big fan of revels.”

She headed out of the lab and down the steps into the living area to find Thor and Steve, smiling when she spotted them both stood looking out at the City below.

“You would hardly know a battle had occurred at all” Thor was saying as he accepting the cup Katie held out to him as she moved to stand between them both. Thor dropped a large arm round her shoulder in a friendly manner, the 2 having grown even closer over the last 6 months as she’d taken it upon herself to help him get to grips with living on Earth as much as she could. “It never ceases to amaze me how you people just carry on.”

“We’re a resilient species.” Steve said, taking the drink Katie offered him, his eyes straying to Thor’s arm. He didn’t mind the God’s protective nature over his girl, he knew there was nothing more to friendship, but he wasn't overly keen on his tactile nature with her. 

“Yes, just like Ramularts.” Thor said, his arm moving from Katie as she looked round at him and he noticed her blank faces “Big, grey animals, huge horns, purple eyes… you don’t have those on Earth?”

“Err no.” Katie said, as this time it was Steve’s arm which curled round her shoulders. “No we don’t…”

“Oh.” Thor said, before shrugging “Well they are hideous…a bit like this green concoction your brother insists we drink”

“It’s good for you…” Katie grinned “contains 2 of your 5 a day…I should know, I drank enough of it after my little vacation in Canada”

“Don’t.” Steve sighed, his arm pulling her a little closer. He hated it when she made jokes about her kidnapping.

Thor raised his eyebrow. “5 a day of what?”

“Never mind…” Katie chuckled “If you don’t like it, tip it into the plant pot. He’ll never know.

*****

It was a bit strange the following few days, waking up and knowing there was nothing that needed to be done. Whilst not every single day of the last 6 months had been spent running around on or planning missions, even when she was at work in SIP, there had always been that part of Katie’s mind that would not switch off, knowing they had a job to do, not to mention Steve had been like a coiled spring constantly waiting and searching for the next lead.

With SHIELD all but gone to the public and off doing God knows what, the Avengers were more important than ever, and Katie knew that Tony and Steve had been discussing expanding, recruiting a whole team of support staff and scientists. However, that was all to come and for the time being it was pushed to the back of her mind, and Steve’s it appeared. Katie didn’t think she had ever seen him so relaxed. He slept in, lazed around the apartment, was happy to have duvet days. It was, frankly, great and she couldn’t help but hope that this could be the start of a relatively ‘normal’ life for the pair of them.

That particular morning, Thursday, the clock on her bedside table informed her that it was gone 10 am when she woke. Steve wasn’t in the bed besides her, but that wasn’t surprising. She stretched and turned over onto her side, instructing Jarvis to retract the blinds in the bedroom to reveal the large ceiling to floor windows that looked out over the New York Skyline. In her opinion their floor really did have the best view the building could offer, something which made her Super Soldier very happy, as he loved to spend his down time drawing the skyline from the art room she had gotten Tony to convert one of their spare rooms into for him at Christmas.

She also had another surprise for him up her sleeve. Steve had recently been researching into getting a place in Brooklyn for the pair of them, suggesting it would be nice for them to have their own place when they got married. So as a surprise she had made an appointment for later today in the afternoon with a Real Estator Tony had recommended to look at a house they had both really liked on the internet. She hadn’t told Steve that yet, it was a surprise and something she was strangely excited about.

Steve heard Jarvis respond to Katie’s request and smiling he got up from where he had been watching the news on the TV, made her a coffee out and headed into the bedroom. He immediately noticed her eyes scan him up and down, grinning to himself as he raised an eyebrow as she took in the fact he was in nothing but a grey pair of sweats that hung off his hips casually.

“You know if I looked a woman up and down like that in the street I’d be called a pervert.” he said, crossing the grey carpet towards her.

“Yeah well…” she said, pulling herself into a sitting position “We’re not in the street, and you’re my fiancée so I can perve as much as I want.”

He snorted as he set the mug of coffee down on the bedside table and she moved over so he could sit on the edge of the bed.

“Morning gorgeous” he grinned, dropping a kiss gently onto her lips. 

“Been in the gym?” she asked, taking in his hair which was still damp from the shower.

“Running…”he said, “I popped in to see Tony and Banner on my way back up.”

“They still running tests on the Sceptre?” she took a sip of her drink.

“Yeah, I think they’ve been there all night!” he said, running a hand through his damp, tousled hair

“Wouldn’t surprise me. Tony’s relentless once he gets the bit between his teeth”

“So, what do you want to do today?” he asked, his nose burying into her hair. “Fancy heading down to the Pier?”

“Well…” Katie said, setting her mug down and taking his hand in hers, lacing her fingers with his “I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” he asked, raising his eyebrow, a grin spreading across his face.

“mnmmmhmmmm” she said, nodding.

He tried his best to get her to tell him where they were going but Katie didn’t. She had a suspicion he would guess as they made their way there however. But still, it was fun. They set off just after midday and cruised over Brooklyn Bridge, the sun bouncing off the Hudson as they left Manhattan. Katie drove her Camero through the various neighbourhoods, occasionally Steve would point things out from his past, as they came to him, enjoying his little nostalgia trip. And then when she turned left at one particular junction he immediately figured out where they were going.

“You are unbelievable…” he chuckled.

“What?” she feigned innocence.

“We’re going to see that house, the one in Clinton Hill…” he said, his eyebrow raised as he shot a glance at her.

“Might be…” Katie smirked.

They carried through the neighbourhood and Katie eventually pulled into a pair of open metal gates which led to a large, red brick 3 storey with an immaculate garden area to the front and stopped behind a gold, BMW convertible.  To the left of the front door the drive way sloped down under an arch to a large garage and the sprawling grounds at the back. Steve had liked it immediately when he saw it. The architecture inside and outside was quirky enough to appeal to the artist in him, it was in a quiet enough neighbourhood and the location and plot meant they could easily up the security. It all came at a hefty price tag though, not that it mattered to Katie.

“You do know this is the poshest place to live in Brooklyn.” He turned to look at Katie as she undid her seat belt.

“I’m a very posh kinda woman…” she said, climbing out of the car. Steve did the same and made his way round to her side, dropping an arm round her shoulders.

 “What do you think?” she asked.

“Looks even better in real life.” He said, looking up at the huge, elegant mansion. As they stood looking at the façade of the building, the large oak door opened and outstepped a tall, thin, very good looking woman dressed in an extremely tight grey dress, high Manolas with her blonde hair pulled up into an immaculate bun. 

“Hi…” She was crisp, and business like. “You must be Miss Stark and Captain Rogers?”

“Yeah, sorry…Danny?” Katie frowned. When Tony had set her up with his Real Estator friend Danny, She had assumed it was a man.

“Danni with an I!” she held out her hand, clearly clocking the look of confusion. “I get that a lot.”

She turned to Steve, and looked at him appreciatively, her whole body language changing from one of business to friendship as she shook his hand. Katie rolled her eyes. Steve, as ever, was utterly clueless as he beamed at the woman.

“So the way I normally do this, is I’ll walk you in, show you round, give you a bit of history, then we can have a chat after…” She said, as they followed her up the steps, Steve stopping to allow Katie to go first, his hand gently in the small of her back. They entered into large, wooden floored hall way, which was cool but welcoming. To the right was a huge staircase which swept up and round in a dog leg.

“So the house was impeccably restored in 2007 by the present owners with close attention given to the preservation of historic details.” Dani spoke the sales patter as the pair of them looked up and round. “There are five floors, seven bedrooms, three full baths, three half baths in 3 of the bedrooms, including the master, front and rear gardens, parking, double garage and a pool house.”

She turned round and looked at Katie “And if you’re anything like your brother you’ll appreciate one of the 5 floors is a wine cellar-slash-party room. We all know Tony likes his parties, lord knows I’ve been to enough.”  she winked at Steve and besides him he felt Katie bristle.

Uh-oh.

Katie frowned slightly, unable to decide if she was making a joke or referring to the fact this woman and her brother had once, well, you know. Fixing the woman with her best passive face she smiled.

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.”  Katie said, voice thickly sweet “I’m normally pretty good with faces.”

The two women looked at one another, Dani-with-an-I’s face slipped slightly but she recovered and turned to Steve.

“So if you want to follow me…” She beamed, a mouthful of perfect, white teeth.

“Please, lead the way.” Steve smiled at her, ever the gentleman and Katie gave another roll of her eyes as she led them from the room, hips swinging exaggeratedly.

As they walked round, despite the fact she was openly flirting with Steve and completely ignoring the fact Katie was there, it was clear the woman really did know her stuff. She’d obviously researched this house down to the ground as no detail was missed.

She pointed out the wooden floors with inlaid borders, the custom and pedigreed vintage lighting, the exquisite iron doors to the wine cellar, the intricate plaster work on the front parlour ceiling, the stained glass windows, the eat-in kitchen, dramatic curved steel and wood staircase and sky-lit alcove.

Frankly the house was stunning. The Ground floor sported windows on the north, east and west sides of the property and consisted of a formal and an informal living room, a formal dining room and a spectacular eat-in kitchen with a wall of custom curved glass windows overlooking the landscaped garden and pool area. The second level contained the master bedroom, master bath, and an elegant bathing room with a fireplace, stained glass windows, and a the tub centred in the middle of the room which made Katie’s eyes grow wide and Steve chuckled to himself, she had a thing about baths. And so did he if she was in them…

“All of the electrical and plumbing was updated and central air-con and heating was installed throughout the house” Dani-with-an-I said as they made their way back down the stairs “And the facade was redone as well as the roof.”

“I’m not going to lie…” Steve said as they made their way into the huge kitchen again, “It’s every bit as stunning in real life as it looks on the internet.”

“It’s gorgeous isn’t it Steve.” She flashed those pearly whites at him again as her hand dropped to his forearm, giving it a small squeeze. Katie took a deep breath and grit her teeth. Steve didn’t so much as bat an eyelid although Katie could have sworn he shot her a sideways glance, the glimmer of a smirk playing across his handsome face. But when she looked back his face was utterly passive.

“How big is the land span?” He asked, striding to the back door

“Couple of hundred feet.” She said, “The pool is roughly 20 by 40 so you can gage it from that.”

 “May I?” he asked, gesturing to the door which led out of the kitchen to the rear.

“Please, go right ahead…” she smiled, stepping forward to unlock the rear door. Steve stepped out and strode down the lawn area of the property to inspect the gardens looking for what security improvements they would need to make. They weren’t overlooked either which he really liked. No, he could definitely see them here together, maybe raising a family in a few years…a dog… a smile crossed his face as he looked around. Yeah, he liked it.

Katie watched as Steve looked around the garden, and Dani-with-an-I excused herself and pottered off to answer a phone call. Katie turned her head, nosily listening in and caught one line which instantly pissed her right off.

“Yes, I think he likes it. It’s a good sign… he might yes. I know, right? Captain America…who knew!? And he’s even more gorgeous in real life! Yeah, tell me about it…”

Whoever she was on the call to was clearly speaking back and Dani laughed before saying she needed to go and Katie heard her heels clicking as she walked back to the large kitchen. Katie glanced at Steve who was walking back towards the house, and figuring she had enough time she decided to pull the daft bint up on her attitude.

“And do you think I like it?” Katie asked as Dani walked into the room.

“I’m sorry?” Dani frowned.

“Do you think I like the house?” Katie shrugged “I mean you seem overly concerned about whether Captain America does just curious if my opinion counts?”

Dani floundered for her answer, as Katie continued. “I’ve watched you for the last hour or so eyeing him up.” Katie glared at her.  

“Katie…I didn’t…” “You may call me Miss Stark” she interrupted, not once breaking the eye contract  “And if you touch him again, I will snap your hand off.”

Dani swallowed nervously and looked away for a split second.

Bingo. Katie felt herself smirking slightly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any offence.”

“Everything ok?” Steve asked, stepping back into the kitchen. You could cut the tension between the women with a knife. He couldn’t help but feel slightly sorry for Dani as Katie was utterly frightening when she wanted to be.

“Yes, absolutely, me and Dani were just discussing the price and maybe how she’s going to broker us a good deal with the vendor…” Katie said sweetly, before she turned to Dani, raising an eyebrow. Steve had to bite back his laughter.

“Yes.” Dani cleared her throat, “Absolutely. So it’s currently on the market for offers in the region of 3.3 million, but I think with some good negotiation I’ll get them down to around the flat 3 mark.” 

“Try again.” Katie smiled at her and Dani swallowed again, her smile slipping slightly.

“Miss Stark, this is a very good price for this area…” “I’m not disputing that.” Katie said back, her eyes never once leaving the woman in front of her “But we would be cash buyers, with no chain…obviously if you don’t think you can get it any lower I would be happy to handle the negotiations myself.”

Steve bit his lip and became very focussed on examining the ceiling. “I’ll see what I can do.” Dani-with-an-I said after a short pause.

“Thank you.” Katie smiled.

They all exchanged pleasantries, Katie's handshake was especially firm, and then Steve and her left, exiting down the steps.

“You’re scary when you're angry” he said into her ear.

“I’m not angry, merely slightly irritated.” Katie snorted “Her attitude left something to be desired. Here, wanna drive home?” she tossed him the keys.

He didn’t say anything else, just expertly caught the keys in his left hand, but the smug look on his face was enough to let Katie know she had been busted. As they drove back down the tree lined avenue towards the main road, their conversation turned to how beautiful the location was and Steve pointing out how far away the area was from where he grew up. As he spoke, however, something in his stomach tightened. It was a really far cry from the life he had known before the war, when he had been lucky just to be able to afford the rent every month in the small 4 roomed apartment. He’d always dreamed of being able to afford a nice place in his future, keep a roof over his family’s head, but here well it would be a joint effort. And he was surprised to find that he felt a little bit inadequate about that.

 “Do we really need 7 bedrooms?” he asked suddenly.

“Does Tony really need 6 cars?”  Katie shrugged “They don’t all have to be bedrooms. The smaller rooms on the top floor could be an art studio and a cinema room…”

Steve fell completely quiet. Katie glanced sideways at him. There was a solemn look on his face. A look she knew meant he was brooding over something.

“Soldier, what is it?”

“Nothing…”

“You can’t lie for shit.” she said, continuing to look at him “Try again.”

He shifted and looked straight out of the window ahead, biting his bottom lip gently. He took a deep breath and as they stopped at a traffic light he turned to face her.

“It’s a lot of money, I’m just not sure I can afford it…” he said.

“Maybe you can’t, but we can.” Katie waved his comment away “Plus you’re on the Stark payroll now…”

“That’s not the point…” he sighed

“Then what is?” “I know this sounds old fashioned but I always wanted to provide for my girl, you know.”

Katie watched as he shrugged gently eyes not straying from the road.

“Yeah you’re right…it is old fashioned.” she rolled her eyes. Normally she had a lot of time for his ways but not when it came to things like this. “Does me having a lot of money bother you that much?”

“Of course not…” he said.

“So why are we even having this discussion? We’re going to be married at some point, it doesn’t matter who has what. It’s not an issue.” she took a breath “You know, considering you’re not all that bothered about me taking your name when we get married this seems like an odd thing to get caught up on.” “Hang on, I never sad I wasn’t bothered about you not taking my name.” he corrected, shaking his head. “I’d love nothing more than for you to be Mrs Rogers. What I said was that I understand your reasons for being a little bit…hesitant about it, with the business and all.”

“I’m not hesitant.” She said, and he looked at her, raising an eyebrow snorting.

“What was it you said?” he looked at her briefly “You can’t imagine not being a Stark especially when your business is called Stark Independent Publishers?”

She stayed silent, looking out of the window.

“I got news for you sweetheart, you’ll always be a Stark. Name or not. You’re too much of a pain in my ass not to be.” Steve concluded, shooting her a look. She gave a small smile as he pulled the car up 5th towards the tower.

“And you’ll always be my Soldier"  she said, “My safe-place, regardless of whether you solely provide for me or not, which by the way is a fucking stupid notion anyway, didn’t your ma bringing you up alone teach you anything?”

“Wow.” he said, raising both his eyebrows “That’s harsh.”

“But fair.” she countered “Are we arguing now?” he looked at her, the corner of his mouth twitching as he pulled up and waited for the entrance to the underground car park open as it recognised the plate.

“No, I’m just pointing out that you’re being an old fashioned dork about something that really isn’t that big a deal. I want to share my life with you, Steve and that means everything that comes with it.”

“Yeah, I know. You’re right.” He shook his head. “You’re absolutely right, I’m sorry.” he took a deep breath “I suppose since coming out of the ice this is the first time I’ve really had to think about where I’m gonna live and not had it all planned out for me.” He cut the car engine and Katie looked at him, softening slightly as he turned to her, his blue eyes locking onto hers.

“Baby, there’s no rush.” she said to him, fully understanding what he was saying “There’s plenty of other property to look at...”

“Yeah, perhaps I should give Danni-with-an-I a call, see what else she has on her books. I mean she did give us a good tour.” he teased.

Katie narrowed her eyes at him. That’s not all she wanted to give you. She was flirting with you.”

“She probably flirts with everyone”

“She wanted you.”

“Well, she can’t have me…” he said, raising an eyebrow at her, that annoying smug grin spreading across his face.

“Damned right…” she said, pushing on his shoulders gently as she clambered over onto his lap. “I don’t take kindly to people touching my stuff...” “Yeah, you really didn’t you learn to share as a child did you?” he teased, his hands sliding up each of her bare thighs, underneath the hem of her jersey dress

“Not when it comes to the important things, no…” she murmured, pressing her lips to his. Her tongue slid into his mouth, tangling easily with his as he flexed his hips up groaning as the growing bulge in his trousers pressed against her spot as she pushed down hard against him, a moan brewing in her throat.

“Baby we’re in the garage…” he said softly, more of a reminder than a protest. 

“I know…” she kissed him again as she began to undo his buckle and then the buttons on his jeans. He tilted his hips slightly so she could manoeuvre his trousers down and he shifted so he was in the right position as she leaned forward again to kiss him, his lips gently trailing down to pepper her neck with soft, warm kisses, as he pushed up against her again and again, his erection pressing at the thin barrier of her underwear. Her hands moved from his chest and she slid the garment to the side and his hands rested on her hips as she pushed down, taking him in. Both of them let out a groan and Katie began to work up and down, rocking her hips.

The darker side of Steve found the risk of someone coming and finding them, all be it pretty minimal, a fucking big turn on and his hands pulled Katie further down as he thrust upwards, fucking her like a greedy, horny teenager. Her head banged against the roof of the car, but Katie didn’t care as his hands crept up the front of her dress, sliding under the cups of her bra. His hands tweaked at her nipples and she groaned louder, the familiar pull in her stomach getting more and more prominent. As she pushed down again he let out a groan and sat up slightly, so his lips were on her neck nipping her skin with his teeth as he thrust upwards, and she let out a cry, tilting her head backwards.

“Stevie, I’m gonna…” she stuttered and as he thrust upwards again, she was gone. Her cries loud as he too let out a loud groan as he shuddered, wrapping his arms around her back, pulling her to him as she rode out wave, after wave, and he emptied himself inside her, laying his head back against the seat, eyes closed in bliss. She fell forward and lay her forehead against his, both of them breathing deeply as their noses began their familiar dance.

“You know…” he said, cracking an eye open as she grinned cheekily. “I’m glad you weren’t taught how to share…”

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[badbookreviewclub]

Empress Theresa, Chapters 11-20

Disclaimer: This contains spoilers. If you haven’t read the previous post you can find Chapters 5-10 here. 

Yay! After a while, the next Review of Empress Theresa is finally here! I hope that you all enjoy because I sure as fuck didn’t. These chapters have some pretty fucked up logic, and Theresa does some pretty fucked up things (nothing worth a trigger warning). As such, I plan on having this review of these chapters be a bit more well researched than other chapters solely because I’m bored in quarantine, having gotten my assignments for my classes done early and I feel like fucking Norman Boutin’s logic up. This is the second to last review I’ll be posting for Empress Theresa (aside from a possible final one with a wrap up of feelings and thoughts I wasn’t able to express in these reviews). Like I’ve mentioned before I’ve got a few other books in the line-up to read and get through afterward. I doubt I’ll be doing much more in this style (considering how bizarrely long Empress Theresa is), though I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Remember, if you have any books you want me to review, shoot me a message! I’ll look into them as soon as I can or let you know if that one is already on the shelf and waiting! But enough procrastinating, on with the chapters!

Chapter 11 

Despite the fact that last chapter, Theresa went on a week-long vacation to France and Ireland (which if I remember right, I grew very heated about), this chapter it has been nearly a month since that trip and Theresa is already growing “depressed” from the “oppressive work” she’s being “forced to do”. So she takes another trip, this time by herself. She heads to a small village and basically parties with the people there. After the party, she heads back to start working and we finally learn what Theresa’s code is. It’s a substitution code, basically. Now I’m not good at code, I’ve never taken any training in it, but I’ve been told that it’s a substitution code. “The code was triplets made of three characters: AB2, AB3, AB4, CAA, DBB, and so on. Only I knew the code. It couldn’t be broken by all the intelligence agencies in the world because they represented actions and locations, not words. Besides that, I threw in some useless dummy parameters to confuse anybody looking over my shoulder. To pound the final nail in the coffin, I randomly surrounded the parameter codes with tiny circles, squares, rectangles, and arrows that meant nothing” (pg 189). Now I may not know how to break code myself, but that sounds like it would be pretty fucking easy to break into anyways. Aside from that, we learn that Theresa is basically just going to end up using a chessboard or wire twisted and pinned to pieces of plywood to ‘target’ or ‘tag’ things so HAL can follow them. I’m still not quite sure how that works, but I guess HAL can really only work with three dimensions, so it works with this three-dimensional code and applies it to something? Fuck if I know. But to test HAL’s abilities she raises a pointless 10-foot-wide column of water off the Gloucester coast. It went up at 200 miles an hour, which is 3 miles a minute (which is pretty fucking fast, I would think). You’d think this would displace a lot of water, but I guess not. She repeats the same thing in the Pacific ocean but with six water columns, and instead of ten, they’re one hundred feet wide. In 45 minutes they reached 150 miles (which is still 3 miles a minute, so at least Norman is consistent on that front). And then, at 150 miles in thE FUCKING AIR SHE JUST LETS THE SHIT AT THE TOP FREE FALL. Apparently, the impact of the atmosphere just turns that shit into steam. 

Steve suggests that he should go to the UN to give the program that Theresa is working off of (I think), to quell the world’s fears and anxiety. Theresa agrees but only because “This might have been a little grandstanding on Steve’s part, but that was forgivable. This could be his last chance to hold the spotlight” (pg 194). Theresa constantly says that she doesn’t want to hold the spotlight, yet she constantly brings up that nobody will get the spotlight but her, and she never seems upset about it. Even later on, when someone in parliament stands up to question her, she gets pissed off because they took the spotlight from her. They spoke out against her and she becomes a toddler and throws a big fucking fit about it. Theresa says she doesn’t want to be in the spotlight and that she doesn’t like it, but her actions sure as fuck don’t show that. Chapter 12 

North Korea is launching a missile at the water towers. For what purpose? I don’t fucking know. It says later on in the chapter that by doing this they think that they’re destroying HAL, and as such, will economically destroy everyone when the huge tsunamis hit the coastlines. I don’t know how they know that Theresa is sending HAL out there to control the water columns, but I guess she is? The problem is she’s not sending all of HAL out to control the column. She can still do other shit with it, so I have no idea what the logic is in this chapter. She’s also controlling his actions with a chessboard because I guess the plywood and metal wire was boring as shit. We also learn that everybody is fucking terrified of Theresa. “In other words, everybody was afraid of what I would do next” (pg 202). Which is followed shortly by, “Don’t piss me off!” (pg 202). Theresa clearly enjoys that people are scared of her. She gets a kick out of it because it puts her as the one in control and nobody can do jack shit about it. The entire world is terrified of her, and for some reason, Theresa loves that. Theresa is a fucking monster, and that point will only be proven even more later on! Nobody knows what Theresa will do next, because she was going to raise the water columns up in the thousands around the world, but she can’t do that anymore. So instead, she clears out a giant fucking area in the North Pole, and she’s going to raise up water columns there. The first thing she does is create splash barriers so tsunamis can’t come out and kill everybody, and I guess those work just fine. Theresa is able to easily raise these splash barriers because “The Arctic Ocean was only half a mile deep which made this piling up of rock easier for me to do then it would be in the three mile deep Atlantic” (pg 204). First of all, this is really wrong. It takes a really quick and easy Google search to realize that the Arctic isn’t necessarily half a mile deep. At its deepest, it’s 3.4 miles. Sure, where Theresa could be doing this, it may only be half a mile deep, but that would be fucking stupid and wouldn’t give her nearly enough water for what she plans to do. At the Atlantic, at its deepest, is 5.3 miles. Once again, a quick and easy Google search proves Norman wrong. 

But, besides this faulty logic, we get even more bad logic. Theresa raises four water columns in the North Pole at 1,000 feet each. For reference, the International Space Station on most given days is only ~250 miles from the Earth’s surface. I know 1,000 miles seems really impressive, but it’s just really impractical. The water (now ice) would be so far out of the influence of earth’s gravitational pull that it would just orbit around the Earth, not come crashing back down. Please, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong about this. I’m just a history major, not a physics major. 

Chapter 13 Theresa uses a chessboard to raise up 56 columns of water in the North Pole. Because of the amount of water that’s rising up (5,012 miles exactly) which you know, goes out nearly as far and further than most satellites. Space technically starts at 62 miles above the earth’s surface (average sea level, I think), so Theresa has giant fucking columns so far from earth that there is no way in fuck that they’ll be able to fall back down to earth (source). Yet somehow, these columns can still come crashing down and throw water back into the atmosphere which causes it to rain. And when the water comes crashing back down to earth, it’s akin to “eight million tons of TNT every second” (pg 213). So you know, Theresa has just effectively ruined the North Pole forever and ever and ever. The largest atomic bomb ever detonated by the United States, Castle/Bravo, let off the energy force of about 15 tons of tnt. This was a singular explosion, Theresa’s explosions are happening every. Single. second. (source)

But aside from this devastation to a really important ecosystem on Earth, it created rain. Nearly 100 inches a year, everywhere, for as long as the water columns are active. Theresa has flooded the earth. The earth’s average rainfall is about 39 inches a year (source). There are obvious exceptions, like the Amazon Rainforest, which can get 100-200 inches of rain per year, depending on the area (source). This means the entire world is essentially going to drown because of how much rain Theresa just gave them. Wait to go, Theresa, you just “saved” everyone. 

Oh but that isn’t it, to put a sweet little cherry on top, Theresa decides that she needs to tilt the earth so it’s straight up and down and the earth no longer has a tilt to it. This effectively rids the world of seasons, making it summer all year round so people can grow crops all year round (hint: you really can’t do that). There are plenty of crops that grow in summer, but Theresa effectively wiped out all seasonal crops, so way to fucking go, Theresa. Not to mention that because there will be no more snow or winter because she doesn’t think we need it, there goes the entire industry having to do with skiing and snowboarding. There also goes most places supplies of water. In the region that I live, we rely really heavily on having enough snow during the winter times so that when spring comes around and the snow starts to melt off of the mountains it will run down and our reservoirs will be filled again. Then we don’t have to be concerned about not having enough water for the summer and fall months. There are also areas in my state where it’s harder to get water to, so people have to put out basins on their property to collect snow so it melts and they have enough to water crops, yards, and sometimes, even just so their water bills don’t absolutely skyrocket. So thanks for sending people into poverty too, Theresa. Oh wait? She doesn’t care? She donates a tiny portion of her trillions later on to the world poor fund as we learn later on. How generous and benevolent of you Theresa. However shall we repay this debt that we owe you? 

Chapter 14

In this world, rather than Theresa having killed off the entire population of the earth, she just saved everyone. How wonderful and heroic of her. Everyone is celebrating her and who she is. Norman decided that it was absolutely important to add into just how the Chinese were celebrating her too, “They were holding my photograph in their hands and yelling Tah-ee-sah! Tah-ee-sah!” (pg 219). I don’t know about you all, but that seems pretty racist to me because Norman had to specifically include that. He didn’t talk about how everyone was chanting her name, nor point out how it was being pronounced. He specifically did this with China. 

Anyways, besides supposedly being in hiding and nobody being able to find her, she has to leave the Parker estate because they expect half a million people to visit the house by the day’s end and can’t have her there. So you know, guess she wasn’t all that well in hiding. Because she leaves though, Theresa decides that she needs to go to Parliament to talk and put her two cents out there. We also find out that she’s not a public speaker in the most brilliant way, “‘I’m not a public speaker. I never wanted to be. I’m talking to the media and the people on the street. Excuse this little piece of paper. It reminds me of the points I’ve been thinking of a long time’” (pg 222). Does this remind anyone of the familiar little phrase ‘Show don’t tell’? There are better ways to introduce that she’s not a public speaker, like stuttering over herself, fidgeting, not looking at the audience, mumbling and then speaking too loud. The microphone could peak because she’s not used to using one, she could knock something over out of nervousness. We could see her fidgeting with the notecard. Norman doesn’t do any of this because he has no idea how to show and not tell us exactly what’s going on.

Nonetheless, she continues on with a long and boring speech just saying that she doesn’t want to be mobbed in public. Someone in the House stands up though and asks why she’s there, which is a perfectly reasonable question. Theresa doesn’t see it this way, however. “I could single him out because he had stood up when he said that. I suppose it was a House rule. I stared at him with no attempt to hide my contempt. How dare he interrupt me! In answer to his own question, why had he spoken if not to attract attention to himself? This hypocrisy had to become plain to everyone as I stared his political career into oblivion. “‘You interrupted me” I said. “Nobody interrupts me. I don’t need you’” (pg 223). I thought you didn’t want attention, Theresa? I thought you just wanted to be treated like everyone else? I thought you weren’t special. Not to mention she says it’s hypocritical. The man did absolutely nothing to be hypocritical. Theresa is so unaware that it’s painful and it makes me angry. She follows this up by claiming that there’s a new sheriff in town (hint: it’s her). Yet she continues with the notion that she doesn’t want attention. :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):):): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): I fucking hate this book

We find out what happened to Jan. Apparently despite the fact that she could say she was working with the government, she’s been unemployed because the ‘eight-year gap’ in her resume made her unemployable. This is just bullshit. She obviously worked for the government, there are records of her working for the government, she had a supervisor. Not to mention, an eight-year gap doesn’t make someone unemployable. I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t. But Theresa sends a message out on the ‘All Theresa All the Time’ channel to let Jan know that she’s not angry at her and wants to meet with her. So you know, Despite the fact that there’s a channel dedicated to her on TV, one that she obviously uses, she definitely doesn’t want the attention and wants to be treated like a normal person. Definitely. Fuck you Theresa. 

Chapter 15 

I had to walk away and watch YouTube for a few hours but I’m back, and somewhat more relaxed again. So let’s get started on chapter 15. Essentially because of thermal expansion, because Theresa fucked up the entire earth and its tilt, they expect that the oceans will rise two or three feet in a year. Norman also says that parts of the ocean are 3 miles deep, as if that’s the deepest part of the ocean, but the deepest parts of the ocean are 7 miles (Challengers Deep, the deepest part of the ocean, is ~7 miles down) (sorry for saying ‘deep’ and ‘deepest’ so much). The solution? Lift a lot of cubic miles of water out of the oceans and yeet them out of the earth never to return. Brilliant. Because of all the rain they have to find protective headgear as well so they don’t get soaked. Theresa and Co. (Steve and Prime Minister Blair) get traditional American Firefighter helmets. These are such a slam hit to see everyone wearing that companies start making fake knock-offs so people can be like Theresa. They also decide to travel around the world to take a break. Their break is so rudely interrupted because the wind is slowly returning, and that will cause massive and destructive hurricanes that the world just can’t afford to deal with. We also find out that the earth hasn’t completely lost its declination. It’s 5 degrees now, which you know, is so much better than 0. Theresa is such an amazing person though for not wanting to right the word again because the Asians can’t afford to go through winter, and if they went through winter they would lose half a billion people. Because you know, it isn’t like all of this isn’t her fault in the first place and this whole thing could have been avoided if Theresa hadn’t cherry-picked problems to solve in the first place. 

Chapter 16

Theresa spends the whole night crying. I’m so sad for her :(:(:(:(:(:(::) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) Steve decides to fix this. And the way he fixes this? They need to go and grab elements from the sun and bring them down to earth to stop the hurricanes. The elements that they grab? Xenon, and per the request of the British military, helium. After a month of attempting this, Xenon now accounts for two ounces of atmospheric pressure. Xenon is an inert noble gas that’s traditionally used in lighting. Xenon is also classified as an asphyxiant. Inhalation in excessive conditions can cause dizziness, nausea, vomiting, and loss of consciousness. “The first symptoms produced by a simple asphyxiant are rapid respirations and air hunger. Mental alertness is diminished and muscular coordination is impaired. Later judgment becomes faulty and all sensations are depressed. Emotional instability often results and fatigue occurs rapidly. As the asphyxia progresses, there may be nausea and vomiting, prostration and loss of consciousness, and finally convulsions, deep coma and death” (source). A concentration of 75% Xenon inhaled can be fatal in minutes. All Theresa is using it for is to cool the air because xenon has a cooling effect on the environment. However, in the process, she is also killing all the asthmatics and people with other respiratory conditions. Congratulations, Theresa. She’s probably killing more people than that too, because she’s putting a fuck ton of helium into the atmosphere and air. The atmosphere, after a month, became 10% helium. It’s true that at the current time, we are having a helium shortage, but considering that Norman claims this is a million times what our current atmosphere’s helium content is, that seems like it’s a terrible idea. An increase in the helium in our atmosphere increases the atmospheric pressure. This isn’t a terrible thing and not everybody dies, but asthmatics and people with other respiratory issues are sure as fuck going to have a terrible time. 

She also fucks up the gravity of the entire solar system by taking Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons, and making it orbit around Mars. Do I even need to explain why this is a bad idea? Why fucking up the gravitational orbit of the solar system is the absolute worst idea I have ever fucking seen? 

Then she goes and crashes the entire economy and puts the world into a global depression by flooding the market with gold and silver. They claim it’s a monetary stabilizer, and sure, it is, if you want your money to be stabilized at like .02. This has absolutely no consequence on anything or anyone in Theresa land though, which is fucking stupid and so unrealistic. Norman tries to paint this book like it’s realistic and something that people could actually work with, but you really can’t. At the disclaimer at the very end of the book, the only thing that he says isn’t realistic is the way that President Martin acted (wanting to blow up Theresa).  Anyways, Theresa hires Jan as her financial manager (because that makes sense, and Jan definitely has experience with finances [she doesn’t]). And the chapter is ended off with “I wonder what my old BC boyfriend Jack Koster was thinking of all this!” (pg 253). Was all of this just to get back at Jack? What the fuck Theresa? Why? I thought you were happily married to Steve? So why the fuck are you thinking of Jack? I’m so confused. Chapter 17 

God I am so fucking close to being finished with this review and then I can finish the fucking book, write the final review, and be out and never think of this fucking book again. This chapter though, oh god this chapter is something else. Theresa is a horrible human being in this chapter and honestly is akin to a monster in this chapter. So all of the people who held stocks in Gold Bullion have just lost all of their money thanks to Theresa (see, she has sent people into poverty, wiping out their retirement funds, college funds for their kids, et...c). As such, they’re filing a class-action lawsuit against Theresa, headed by Connie McKesson. Reasonable, right? They’re asking for 35 billion dollars in damages which I guess is far less from what she’ll get in her gold sales. Someone claims that Theresa may spend most of her life in courts (which makes sense). 

Theresa gets pissed at Steve because the idea to get the gold was his idea so she storms upstairs and leaves him downstairs. Mrs. Parker comes up and reassures Theresa that nobody is to blame when couples have problems, “The world is to blame” (page 256). So now she makes up with Steve. Despite that Norman claiming that there’s no swearing in the book, Steve says “We’ll get this lawyer bitch” (page 257). Even though Connie is just doing her job, Steve and Theresa come after her without relent. They find out where she is and stalk her. HAL targets and tags Connie, and they follow her home from her workplace. She lives in a single-family home, and apparently this is something that’s funny to Steve and Theresa, like it’s a bad thing. They confirm that Connie has two little children and yet they’re still absolutely awful and mean to her. Despite the fact that she’s just trying to do her job, and earlier they stated that the people who were filing the suit would just go to another law firm, Theresa still goes after Connie. “Any vehicle she entered would not move. I wasn’t going to allow her to go anywhere except on foot” (page 261). She does this for the other eight (male) lawyers in Connie’s firm as well. Apparently, this is somehow better because “The crybaby media couldn’t say I was making it hard for mommies to take care of their kids as they said about Connie McKesson” (page 262). More than that, I don’t think Norman thought about single fathers or families who rely on the men to be the primary breadwinner in the household. This is 2020, yes, but there are still plenty of families where men are the primary breadwinners. She’s keeping people from being able to go to their jobs, to make money, to support their families. She’s forcing them to do whatever the fuck she wants because she’s mad that they have to do their jobs. 

And if they had a medical emergency, Theresa would have to look them over to confirm that they weren’t buffing, otherwise they couldn’t go anywhere at all unless it was on foot. However, you can’t always know someone has a medical emergency just from first glance (e.g. like an exploding appendix). It’s cruel and disheartening. What if one of their children had a medical emergency? What then? What if they needed to get across town quickly because a family member was in an accident or had an emergency? Theresa said she wouldn’t let them take any transport aside from walking unless she deemed that they could. And nobody can do jack shit about this. Why? Because although everybody knows it’s her, there’s no physical evidence that it is. “So! I could do anything I wanted to anybody and nobody would dare do anything about it! I kind of liked that” (pg 262). How horrible is Theresa? She can do whatever the fuck she wants, she can ruin peoples lives, crash economies, kill people, and so long as she does it with HAL, nobody can do shit against her. Not to mention all of this was so unnecessary. Everybody knew that Theresa would win the suit anyway, so why the fuck did she feel the need to go to all this effort? Why the fuck would she be willing to ruin their lives until they dropped the suit? It’s cruel and it’s inhumane. When they finally drop the lawsuit she lets them go so they could finally travel in ways other than via foot. “Don’t mess around with Empress Theresa” (pg 263). 

They decide that they can use this grounding trick with terrorists too. Because you know, not being able to use a vehicle will definitely stop a terrorist. Definitely. But in Theresa-land it will. Though by targeting these terrorists with the grounding trick (despite a million better ways that she could target terrorists with HAL), she apparently is setting a target on her back, but she’s going through with it anyways. We get another line that absolutely proves just how horrible of a person I think Theresa is and how little empathy she has, more specifically, how little empathy or care I think Norman Boutin has. “The Parkers made no effort to hide their disappointment. Their darling Theresa was more important to them than nameless bombing victims” (pg 265).  What if it was your family? Your mother, your brother, your sister, your father, your cousin, your aunt, your uncle, your grandparent? What if it was your friend? Your best friend? What if it was you? Just because you don’t know them doesn’t mean that other people didn’t. For someone that was their family member. That was their friend, their best friend. That wasn’t just a nameless bombing victim. That was a person.

Chapter 18

Once again I had to get up and walk away and do something else for a little bit. But I’m back now and somewhat more ready to keep writing, so let’s just keep trudging on, I guess. 

The news is filled with stories of terrorists being grounded, Theresa brags about how she could have killed the lawyers if she wanted to. The US decides to mint silver coins with Theresa’s face on them because she’s just that fucking important. One again she brings up Jack, which is completely and utterly pointless. I don’t know at this point if she’s still in love with Jack or if she loves Steve because she brings up Jack so fucking often it seems. 

We meet the main bad guy of the next few chapters, I guess. OPEC, or the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries. And rather than delving into this, Theresa just fucking moving on and straight to meeting President Stinson, the new president of the United States for the first time. Theresa brings Prime Minister Blair along as a representative for the rest of the world (because the Prime Minister of England can totally do that). All they talk about though is OPEC, and apparently how OPEC thinks that “they can make you cave in and turn you into a slave. That will give them the power they always wanted” (pg 272). I’m still not really sure where this came out of considering that OPEC held absolutely no role before and Theresa had never shown an interest in petroleum. Now, however, I guess she does. I guess it’s because she’s going to bring carbon into the atmosphere to try and beat them (she never does as far as I’ve read in the book). I guess they quickly scrap that idea though because now Theresa is going to bring land up to the surface so they can have an entire petroleum mining business from the ocean floor. It would be hers though because you know, it’s not like another country would be able to lay claim to it, but whatever. 

President Stinson also goes to Congress so they can make it so Theresa can’t be sued because she definitely needs that power too and fuck you, you can’t lay a single fucking finger on our perfect little Theresa. 

OPEC and Theresa have had like 0 contact up until this point, but they come out on TV with their demands “We seek justice on the world stage. If it is not given to us we will take it. We demand the operation known as grounding to be removed from all freedom fighters [terrorists, according to Theresa]…. We demand that Theresa Hartley put ten billion dollars every month into a fund for the world’s poor. We demand the land known to the West as Israel be returned to the people who lived there before 1947. If these demands are not met we will sell no oil to the United States or the European Union” (pg 276). Yeah, so turns out, Theresa wasn’t even fucking donating to the world’s poor all along, let alone out of her own volition. We’ve learned at this point that she has fucking trillions in the bank and yet she can’t be fucked to donate to people. The money is still rolling in for her and yet she can’t donate to anyone. Also, OPEC isn’t associated with terrorists as far as I know? If I’m wrong please correct me, but it seems more like the terrorists attack OPEC more than not. 

But apparently these demands are too outrageous for Theresa and send her to tears. Despite the fact that you know, apparently none of this was a problem before (especially on the oil part). But we’re supposed to pity Theresa here. I’ll let you in on a secret, I really don’t pity Theresa. In fact, I really hate her guts and I hope those assassins do finally come after her and kill her :) Theresa moves on anyways, not willing to give into OPEC’s demands and picks a rectangle near the arctic where she’s going to pull up a bunch of land to mine for petroleum on. She doesn’t do that just yet though because she has to go and meet with Prime Minister Scherzer (the prime minister of Israel). She gives him two options, Plan A is that they move the entire fucking country of Israel and stick it smack damn in the Mediterranean between Italy and Greece. Prime Minister Scherzer doesn’t like this so they move on to Plan B, where Theresa just raises an entire island for them all to live on. Originally it was going to the in the shape of the Star of David, though Sherzer points out this is kind of unconventional, so he changes it and it’s really fucking complicated and basically a bunch of islands with harbors to protect it. Theresa also agrees that she can just move Jerusalem to the island without a fucking hassle.  

Then we come back to the island that Theresa is raising to mine petroleum from and to sell at $20 a barrel, which is anywhere from ~4-10 dollars below the general crude price of oil as of today (4/7/2020) (source) And because they’re still worried about assassins, this time coming after the Israeli people while they’re moving across the land bridge that Theresa will be making as a temporary way to get to the island she’s creating for them, Theresa decides that the best way to avoid it is to make 24-hour sunlight. Fucking Wonderful. That definitely won’t fuck shit up. 

Chapter 19 

I am so fucking close. I just want to be done. I fucking hate Theresa so much. I hate this stupid fucking book and its terrible logic. Theresa basically starts blowing up an area where she wants to raise the ground to make her giant oil mining operation and predicably the world freaks the fuck out. Theresa blows the hole so deep in the ocean that it should be in the earth’s mantle, but somehow it fucking isn’t. Oh well, I guess. Theresa also just decides in this chapter that she’s fine being a god among men. “How quickly people forgot my benevolence when fear took control of them!” (pg 292). “It wouldn’t do to have the World Empress blow her top” (pg 293). She also seems to forget everything that she’s done to attack the lawyers who were just trying to do their job by refusing to let them go anywhere unless it was by foot, “I’m still waiting for an apology for the attempt on my life, but I haven’t done anything to anybody, have I?” (pg 293). 

People are pretty upset she’s just ripping up the ocean and the ground and not telling anybody about what she’s doing, which is understandable. England sets up tanks and Gatling guns (for the drones) and soldiers with rifles to shoot anyone who gets close because I guess people are just so upset about what Theresa is doing in the middle of the Arctic ocean. And the reason why she’s making this giant rectangle so deep is for the overflow of the ocean when she raises up that giant fucking piece of land so she can make companies mine oil for her. Theresa also brings a fuck ton of carbon to earth and compresses it into diamonds so she can make a giant diamond ring that will reflect the sunlight and give the earth 24-hour sun. Apparently, people are super fucking pumped about this. That honestly just sounds like hell to me. I can’t even be bothered right now to research why that’s a terrible fucking idea and would throw so many people and things off and would just ruin everything. 

Chapter 20

Theresa has to meet with ‘a Saudia Arabian’ instead of OPEC, which she’s pretty fucking upset about. “It didn’t matter to me what his name was. And to be honest, what he had to say didn’t matter much to me either unless he was prepared to give up all his demands” (pg 313). So this man is a representative of OPEC, but apparently that’s still not good enough for Theresa because she’s a childish brat who needs to have whatever the fuck she wants or else the rest of the world is going to suffer for it. Way to write a super relatable and lovable character, Norman. Anyways, Theresa meets with this man in Geneva, Switzerland, where they have a Swiss representative for the government or military, or something, there. Not to be a mediator or anything, but just to throw herself in the way in case they start throwing knives because that’s definitely going to happen. Anyways, Theresa basically says if they drop their demands she’ll make all the countries in the middle east more like Europe, with mountains and rain and forest and without the deserts. So essentially, Theresa is willing to destroy an entire VERY IMPORTANT ECOSYSTEM. All just so she doesn’t have to deal with OPEC anymore. Wonderful. Fucking. Wonderful. And we’re supposed to believe that Theresa isn’t a horrible person? Anyways, after the meeting where nothing is resolved or agreed on, Theresa, I guess, has already lifted the island for the Israeli people. She starts making the landbridge so they can get to it, which you know, is fuckin mint. She then sends up her diamond ring to give the world 24-hour daylight, and people were super happy about it. Which is so fucking stupid and unrealistic. So much shit would get fucked up. 

Apparently crime rates drop because of it, which I have a hard time believe considering that a lot of crimes happen in daylight, specifically when people are at work (break-ins). 

And to end off the chapter, the Exxon Maria, the petroleum boat that’s carrying the petroleum from the mining operation happening on the island that Theresa was making blows the fuck up after a 55-foot long ‘fishing’ boat rams into it. 

This entire book is just… something else. And I hate it. Get fucked Theresa. Chapter 21-28 will be the last review for this book, and then I can move on with my life. I hate this book so much. So, so fucking much. It’s so terrible and you don’t even know it until you try and read it yourself. Until then, I hope that you enjoyed this review.