#even if i keep traumatizing him
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🛒💋💞 for the ask game please dearest Bee !!
gray beloved hiiiii hello <3 happy november, i hope it is treating you right so far!!
okay let's go!!
🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.
oooh there are a whole bunch! i think regarding imagery, i end up with a lot of floral descriptions. maybe just plant imagery in general! sometimes ocean imagery as well. for themes, if domesticity counts as a theme, i think that's often in play. i do think most of my fics have a touch of melancholy to them as well! i'd like to think that love as consumption shows up a decent amount because i do so adore it but i'm not sure it always translates the way i want it to!
💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?
i think they're really cute!! i'm also always so impressed by people who write them because it's not an easy thing to write the build up to! you really have to make people invested and that's hard. but i love reading them!!
💞 Who's your comfort character?
yknow this is interesting because i think it's shifted recently! and perhaps to no surprise—it's kita. he's so steady. and i think i need that in my life. he's also just. good. i love him with my entire heart tbh.
thank you for asking!!! these were fun to think about!
fanfic writer emoji ask
#����.ask#gray tag#i think before my comfort character would have been nanami tbh#but recently...kita has rlly been hitting home#even if i keep traumatizing him
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I love Raph and haven’t said that enough so to be more specific I love that Raph is a soft boy who loves bear plushies, a gross boy who eats an assortment of things that are definitely better left alone, a smart boy who is more than capable of taking down villains through planning and fortitude alike, a strong boy who is dedicated to training his muscles and fighting prowess, a teenage boy who loves his brothers but is more than happy to tease and roughhouse with them, an angry boy who sometimes lets his anger take a hold of him to cover the fear, a gentle boy who is generous with hugs and affirmations to those he loves, a capable boy who takes on more than should ever be expected of a teenager, a good boy who just wants to be a hero and slowly comes to realize the cost of that duty, a good boy who has no reservations about putting himself in the way of harm coming to his family, a good boy who’s a great brother and son and person and deserves only the best the world has to offer.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#he’s so wonderful frfr#my poor boy is traumatized but still so proud of what they accomplished because they’re HEROES#what started as something fun - Saturday morning cartoon-like heroes vs villains esque - soon becomes his calling#and he loses himself a little along the way#because the world is TERRIFYING now#if they don’t do something about the bad things in the world then worse things will come#and Raph CARES too much to let it happen#even at the expense of his own happiness and youth#and he luckily reigns back that fear - knowing his family is there to keep an eye out with him#and he finally lets himself be a kid again#he’s very well rounded and his flaws are so good because (like the others) they are ALSO his strengths#I like how it’s softly implied that bears are his fav animal too bc that’s cute af#headcanon that he likes them so much because a stuffed bear was the first toy splinter managed to get Raph#but yeah one of my favorite things about tmnt is that the characters are well rounded and rottmnt exemplifies that immensely#with raph being no exception!!#amazing big brother and character#there’s a REASON in my tmnt main character tierlist he’s S tier!!!!#hot take but in terms of who should be leader I think it should be less who’s the better leader-#-and more who’s the better leader FOR THIS SPECIFIC MISSION#bc all four can be great leaders fight me on that#APRIL can as well 100%#doesn’t need a designated leader for them to succeed#they just need ~communication~#one of my favorite things tying Raph and Leo together is that they both *hide*#I’ve talked about Leo’s many masks a lot but Raph has one too#and it’s the mask of a hero - the mask of the protector
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the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)
#we should have had the option to leave him in the fade instead of hawke or a warden#he would've just annoyedly shuffled his way back out of there a week later#dragon age#dragon age origins#first enchanter irving#he must be SO annoying to the chantry because it's heavily implied he's made his playground#out of tirelessly finding technicalities and loopholes to exploit that they can't *quite* call him on without domino effects going off#I think first enchanter in the circle system at origins times is a position that invariably and inevitably leaves you morally compromised#but I feel he really does his best within the rules he's given to play with and personally i love him a bit for that. and also#for being an unkillable lil shit. insufferable. inconquerable in his 'I'm about to be such an annoyance to you' impish spirit.#the I'm going to suffer but guess what. so are you of it all. traumatize the chantry back#I just imagine sophia sending letters home right before the vote for independence like '...dad I am hearing some INSANE rumours out here#what the actual fuck is going on back home???'#and he's like 'nothing that you need to worry about sweetie just keep living your best life and have fun killing darkspawn <3'#(there's something that makes me feel So much about how consistently his stance is like... 'you'll always be welcome here#but the circle doesn't *need* you; go be a warden and live your life'. he managed to fineagle freedom for you somehow and won't let you#turn and glance back. not even once. I feel somehow both so abandoned and so incredibly loved it's wild)#oc: sophia amell
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Hold me back 😡😡😡
#Make your own context for what's going on here! Who made them so angry?#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu#Hajime hinata#Kuzuhina#Sdr2#Super danganronpa 2#Danganronpa 2#Danganronpa#Sometimes I just dont have the patience to refine a sketch OR wait to post#So I'll rb this tonight hehe#An art#Thoughts: Fuyuhiko does snap very often and his anger issues don't evaporate even tho he's doing better#So he does need someone to keep him in check especially around the traumatized rest of the class who do not like being threatened or yelled#Hajime stays much cooler but if he DOES snap he also needs something grounding for his own sake#strong emotions can blind him for a moment and he's too strong for his own good
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Solas and Mythal’s relationship is that perfect blend of fucked up and tragic I have been wanting from them for a decade. The mother and her child, the two lovers, a queen and a general, the dog and its master, the servant and the lord. Love it. I knew I sensed fuckery with the way solas talked about her despite ‘burning her off his face’. Then to see him shrinking up in front of her, how he groaned ‘mythal’ in dread and even began to hold the dagger out towards her to take bc he knows he’ll do anything for her if she asks. man needs therapy for his absolutely disastrous and problematic situationship thank you for letting me watch your traumas unfold like that king
#dragon age#if anything i wish they'd made it MORE fucked up!!!#it's honestly wild to me that they even left it as vaguely fucked up as they did considering how much they sanitized the game#also my love to hate her isn't even entirely from solas its bc i romance morrigan lol#in case the mythal defenders get on my case about calling her The Worst Best Person#it is The Abusive Mother in her that will keep her on the list#im a solavellan who is like WOO MYTHAL unhand him shebeast!!! but also go girl traumatize everyone you love#i know you're all sorts of fucked up as you became retribution. i wish we could have seen you as a proper goddess#because you're power hungry and unhinged with a need for vengeance despite the alleged motherly kindness#she has always been my favorite character to hate but also love she's so complicated#unfortunately her design is mid AF!!!!! in veilguard but she's so cool. i know you were supposed to be cool babe#i love that she's so unapologetic and bc of it you swing big hammers at her as a dwarf#'oh but she loves modern elves' ??? where??? the ones wearing her slave markings? crazy. love her though#personally i think modern elves and solas and morrigan and every dwarf that has ever existed#should hit her her with sticks until she moves on to a new host#prawn posts#tagging this as a ship would be a crime
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The fandom when Anya is nice to jimmy and compliments/butters him up after the crash: obviously this is a fawn response. She doesn’t actually think these things about jimmy, she is simply trying to protect herself against a volatile, unstable person by placating him
The fandom when curly tries to placate jimmy by telling Jimmy he’d fix things, after being very nervous about jimmy’s anger and reaction when talking to Anya right beforehand and his heart racing so hard on the way to confront jimmy that he’s likely on the verge of a panic or anxiety attack: hmm. Obviously everything curly is saying to jimmy here is completely genuine and not motivated by anything. He obviously doesn’t care about the fact jimmy raped Anya and only cares about helping jimmy at the detriment to Anya. He’s a rape apologist. There could literally be no other potential explanation for why curly is saying the things he is saying right now. Let’s take everything curly is saying here completely at face value and not analyze anything else about Curly’s behavior or the rest of the scene.
[seriously why are people only capable of recognizing the fawn response in Anya and not Curly]
#to be clear the people who say Anya had a fawn response are RIGHT!#but since curly is a man clearly there’s no way he could be afraid of jimmy#listen. I’m not trying to say curly is completely flawless#and I get why people get mad at curly for what he said to Jimmy there after finding out what jimmy did#because yeah out of context someone telling a rapist stuff like “I’ll fix things” “we’ll get through this together” “you’ve gotten through#difficult times before” in response to said rapist fearing his life will be ruined after his actions are exposed#is deplorable#but you can’t just put things in a vacuum#it was a very difficult situation curly was in. regarding of how he confronts jimmy he’s going to be stuck on a ship with him for 8 months#and before u say “he should’ve just killed Jimmy!” think for a moment.#permanently ending someone’s life is traumatic for the vast majority of people#and this is someone he’s known for years and years so it would be extra difficult#also like. would Anya even want jimmy to be murdered? sure she’d feel safer but I feel like she’d have complicated feelings about it#idk like. it’s a very tricky situation#can’t even report Jimmy to HR because that would result in everyone’s pay getting docked.#which would just hurt Anya since she has no savings#curly mouthwashing#fandom critical#would it felt been more therapeutic for fans if curly instead violently confronted jimmy and beat him up for what he did to Anya? yes#but would that have actually helped Anya? no#if anything it would’ve likely made things worse because Jimmy could’ve just taken his anger out on her afterwards#because they’re on a tiny ship together. only way they could have eliminated the threat to her would be like. tying jimmy up for months#or shoving him in a cryptopod. but knowing pony express I bet improper use of cryptopods would result in docking everyone’s pay#and it would’ve been serviously hard to keep jimmy tied up for months. it’s not like there’s a prison cell on the ship#the crew is already stretched thin do u think they could have someone constantly watch him for 8 months??#because that’s likely what would need to happen if they just kept him tied up#there aren’t any good rooms to lock him in#yes it would’ve been better for everyone in the end if Jimmy was tied up or shoved in a cryptopod or killed#but how was curly supposed to know that. hindsight is 20/20#yes curly should’ve taken the threat jimmy posed more seriously. and handled the situation better. but there were no easy solutions and—
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When the only person who might understand what happened- understand. Not sympathize or empathize or comfort you but understand what happened, isn't there anymore. Or: 'A Man Made Me Do Something I Didn't Want To', for when you can't talk about it or look it in the eye [Patreon | Commissions]
#Tuvok#Kes#comix#idk how to tag this bc of the allusion#st voy#star trek voyager#bea art tag#comix page#star trek#this is not a one to one allegory nor is it meant to be - I am specifically focusing in on the loss of bodily autonomy that occurs when#Kes and Tuvok have their bodies taken over purposefully by men for various reasons which all boil to power. 'Because I could' and Because#they thought Kes or Tuvok wouldn't be able to stop them from doing so. Because they thought they had the power to do so so why wouldn't#they? But again this is not one to one - I interpret and will continue to interpret these instances in many different ways#But something that sticks with me in canon is how 'impervious' Tuvok is made - There is that scene at the end of Warlord which#shows that Kes is affected by what just happened to her - she's confused and hurt and doesn't know what to DO now that the in-the-moment#fight is over and it's time to just keep living and Tuvok comforts her but when he will go on to be taken over again and again and again#there will be no one to comfort him - no one HE can go to - and the narrative doesn't say that there should be. Even when he's#taken over by the BORG (an experience which had a lasting traumatic impact on characters like Seven or Picard - granted they were connected#for a lot longer) this is only mentioned offhandedly. One wonders why it occured at all. There's also how the other two main Vulcans#T'Pol and Spock - when they are forced to act emotionally or are in situations that affect their emotional equilibrium there is a big deal#made about it and they are hurt and ashamed and given some degree of care and comfort by those around them but when Tuvok#is forced into similar situations it is simply assumed he'll get over it - not even just by the other characters but the narrative itself#takes it for granted Ex: 'Workforce' where he forgets ALL his Vulcan training or 'Meld' where Suder's influence#unintentionally makes him lose it and try to kill him...THOUGH I think Suder hugging an unconscious Tuvok is perhaps the closest we get to#someone comforting Tuvok after he's been through that sort of ordeal. I'm not saying Tuvok would WANT others to be hugging him#and offering him emotional comfort etc (he's Vulcan) but I find it interesting that the narrative assumes that the black body (even alien)#is more 'durable' than its white counterparts. 'Stronger'. Assumes that there is no interiority which recoils and sustains the damage#when hurt. That there is nothing worth exploring because there is no impact from the impact. A crater lands and the Soil beneath it is#untouched
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"Suddenly the world was gray and dull and my heart was so heavy I felt like I couldn’t move, let alone make it back to Treasure Town. But because of Echo’s last wish… I was able to keep living.”
--- --- --- --- ---
SORA : (Partner)
Abilities: Justified / Inner Focus
Nature: Gentle / Hardy
Moveset: Aura Sphere / Metal Claw / Poison Jab / Dragon Pulse
#It's my baby girl!! My sweetiepie!! Sora the light of my life my bestest girlie#Her own character sheet to go along with Echo's since I had so much fun making that one and obvs Sora needed to be given as much love too#Sora learned Poison Jab as a riolu back when she was mistrustful towards Grovyle and wanted to thrash him around#nowadays she feels bad about knowing the move when her intentions for learning it were to get an upper hand against him in battle#but she also refuses to unlearn it and keeps it as a reminder that sometimes your own expectations about others are wrong in the end#plus the idea of someone as sweet as Sora knowing a poison-type move just makes me go crazy. did you expect a fairy type move or something?#Cause no. She'll literally stab you to death with literal poison because she can if you upset her or Echo.#And to anyone wondering about the large scar on her tail... yes it is literally a hand-print courtesy of Dusknoir#insert the universally traumatic “YOU TWO ARE COMING WITH ME” classic Dusknoir villain-arc moment#(he then proceeds to grab Sora by the tail and drag her into the dimensional portal but she struggles and he loses patience)#(so he unleashes a point blank will-o-wisp that causes so much pain she is too busy recoiling and screaming to make an escape)#Hey Dusknoir it was kinda f'ed up to permanently scar a kid like that ngl not your best decision I hope it doesn't haunt you forever#Echo still hates him for it and I'm not sure she'll ever let that particular event go even after they reconcile#also I gave Sora the ability Justified because of the implications that her partner is a dark-type and she also has darkrai-related trauma#the idea of her attack stat raising if Echo accidentally hits her with a move??? like Sora is so scared her stats literally go haywire#that's my idea of angst and it keeps me awake at night#sora/lucario#Team Wish my beloved...#pmd ocs#pmd eos#pmd2#explorers of sky#my art#click for better quality tumblr compressed it like garbage D:
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DPXDC Prompt #58
Gotham is a city with a lot of ambient ectoplasm, enough that the Fentons move here instead of Amity Park. Danny being a pretty smart kid being the son of 2 scientists gets a scholarship to Gotham academy where he makes friends with Tim and Damian. Well the 2 were only doing it at first because they wanted to keep an eye on them scientists rarely didn’t become rouges in Batman’s gallery so can you really blame them for being cautious?
Danny is telling them about the portal that they were trying to build and how it wasn’t working and how Danny felt guilty about it. The 3 venture down there when the parents are gone and Danny wearing his hazmat goes into the portal while the other 2 watch on. Danny trips and no one’s having a good time.
They decided to take Danny to Wayne manor until they can figure out what exactly happened to him, unfortunately Danny’s new powers act up and he winds up phasing through the floor into the basement… or more accurately the Bat cave.
#dp x dc prompt#dp x dc#dc x dp#danny fenton#danny phantom#Danny and Jazz grow up in Gotham#Danny gets his powers in front of Damian and Tim#now they’re all traumatized#Does it count as character death if it’s Danny?#I’ve always thought if you describe it at all then yes#I’ve never told anyone in my life how much I love Danny Phantom so absolutely no one knows it’s my favorite show#Like even my mom and I tell her almost everything#All my prompts are free for everyone to use#My goal in life is to spread creativity#I also want more DPXDC fanfics so that’s why I started this#My asks are still open btw#Bruce definitely approved Danny’s scholarship just to keep an eye on him
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An eye for a life, unquestionably worth it (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#Bonnie#Blood#It's been *checks watch* nine months??? since I last drew an empty eye socket???#Not even ZEX got that treatment how could this be :0 It's such a Look#I guess it's only been a couple months since I posted Diaryfic!Edgar but that was drawn a while ago - Sif is new and fresh blood <3#I'm sure they're stoked about it lol sorry Sif#That really was my entire motivation I just wanted to draw eye horror and blood on him lol poor Sif#But also I got to practice Bonnie :D Again I'm sure they're stoked about the situation#Gosh that'd be such a scary situation for a kid :'0 And feeling guilty about it weh </3#Their name being called and it's scary and sad even tho Sif's just trying to comfort! Weh#If I thought about it in a Bit less of an angst mood (lol) I imagine the other adults would flock to Sif both to protect/help him#But also to keep him out of Bonnie's line of sight - the less time spent looking the less traumatic hopefully :(#There's something Very about Sif getting blood - his own or anyone's really - on his cloak :0#Something he's had for a long long time and Something Happens - it's just Very I dunno of what but Very#Really fun to draw the black and white blood splatter ♪ Shaped character design paired with soft details ah <3#I've been really into that hazy fuzzy eye style lately too it's really fun to ''tone'' the eye rather than ''line'' it#It's not something I think about that much so I don't do it often! But it's quite effective :D
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yeah yeah trick weekes says whatever about it not making sense that solas couldnt sneak off THEY FAILED TO CONSIDER that maybe he just is ass at it when he gets invested. much like. the whole fucking rest of the romance where he COMPLETELY fails to resist until the breakup.
anyway.
im personally of the opinion that he's more liable to slip up - fail at sneaking, accidentally reveal details, contradict himself - when he actually makes bonds with people. which is why after trespasser he goes and lives alone in the lighthouse for ten years but i digress.
and i think "that", the bonds tripping him up, should be reflected in his exit from the Inquisition. you're enemies or neutral, yeah he just vanishes. there's nothing to keep him there, nothing to interfere with his plans and intentions. you're (ex)lovers? i think he still would pull back purposefully and probably vanish, but there would be definite hesitation. he would have to force himself to do so, because fuck, he wants to stay. he wants to be close to you. but he also, crucially, knows that you have a dangerous sway over him, so he MUST disengage. if you're friends, it takes him some effort. because he does like you, he doesn't want to do what he has to, it's been so long since he had people who were friends to him, and he doesn't have to force himself away because he's in too deep. he knows you would worry about him. he might not be willing to give anyone the truth - but he would owe you a goodbye, at the very least. especially if you weren't the type to try to convince him to stay.
#solas#solas dragon age#dragon age: inquisition#da:i#solavellan#if you squint#idk. romance has way more volatility to it than friendship and kinship. it tends to blow up and make people more angry and bitter#but i think parting on good terms that are later revealed to have been false terms is a massive gut punch#like ive gone into it before but revallen is not the type to let his friends just. go. without doing something#he's too traumatized. thats why he has his goodbye habit of giving them a kiss laden with a protection spell before letting them go#because he let his wife go without one and she was killed#so he's observant of the signs of someone leaving#he would notice solas's absence immediately and chase him down.#even for goodbyes that are hasty and one sided you will get a kiss - forehead or cheek or hand - and that protection spell#otherwise he cannot sleep at night#and on solas's end - he does not want to admit it but i do think he likes it. he likes having the bonds of friendship and kinship#even if they must be short lived. even if only for a moment. i think he knows he must keep himself apart but he longs for them#and cannot force himself not to#he may not even realize that he's relenting but he does. even if only a little. even if only long enough for a kiss and a fond goodbye
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You know what i have gathered so far from reading the latter half of acotar? Rhysand is just. Stupid
Everything he did to ‘protect’ and ‘save’ Feyre UtM was either useless (the sa, it brought attention to feyre and the drinking caused her to not have time to focus on the riddle) or so contrived and unnecessarily cruel its almost useless (the deal thing is so confusing and how he treated her was not necessary) that when I think about it its idiotic!
this carries into the other books. He could have just asked Tarquin for the book, Rhysand continues to hide and keep important information from Feyre knowing it will make her mad and theres no reason, especially the pregnancy thing!
HES JUST STUPID!
Which could be funny and interesting if sjm leaned into it.
#Hewn city? Stupid and lazy!!#Generally keep important information from his friends? STUPID!#I mean within the story if Amarantha had been suggesting for him to do it#acotar#Anti rhysand#anti feysand#sjm critical#i mean its a flaw thanks to sjm but still#a court of thorns and roses#arson yaps#even if you argue that the cruelty kept feyre alive or whatever thats not fully true!!#i think the music scene shows that. Kindness and support could have gotten her through it too! without traumatizing her!!!
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vagueing but i think certain ppl need to realize that you can be both manipulative And traumatized 😭
#mine.txt#you can guilttrip someone While having abandonment issues!#in fact abandonment issues are the reason some ppl guilttrip in the first place!#if you claim you watched s4 while not understanding that then i dont think you understood s4 at all!#on god if you relate to ls!kab i hope you dont treat ppl irl the way she does zam#who gaf if shes good or evil were on fucking lifesteal#nobody cares about morality except the lsers themselves cause its got direct impact on their playthroughs#she can be as good as she wants but it doesnt change the fact she does a lot of things that are highly intrusive and manipulative#like she didnt even ask first before deciding theyre ''teamed by default''#and everytime she says she just wants zam to be himself she contradicts it#by getting mad at him everytime he doesnt do what she says even if he hasnt even harmed her in any tangible way#and thats just Two(2) of the more recent things shes done not even mentioning her past actions#that she keeps excusing while not excusing the past actions of others#she cant afford him the basic human decency of being his own person#and were supposed to believe she gives a fuck about him beyond using him as an echo chamber????#shes a lot like clown in that while she cares she keeps using her associates#and surprise! not everyone likes being used esp when she keeps flip-flopping on them#/lore obviously cause if she did this kind of unacceptable behaviour irl she wouldve gotten kicked out already#and i hope to God yall dont either#if you do i fucking hate you this is the kinda shit that traumatized me
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If feels strange me when Tim and Jason's throat slits get compared and called similar
#like. theyre both neck injures by a fellow member of the family and thats um. thats it?#tim never knew jason or even liked him. for one. for two. tim could still move after it#because it was more a press of a blade against the skin than it was. a flying cut through that may have sliced an artery (so much blood)#idk man. it just feels. mmm. weird#i dont like when they get compared because theres not much too compare. and MOST of the time its done for more#'jason hurting poor small child time drake who is so traumatized by it and it was exactly like the batarang incident for jason </3'#yknow??#its rude to both their characters#the batarang incident was MAJOR for jason it was like his first death all over again#and tim... augh... why does he keep being made so weak and small and the number 1 jason fan#for him that throat slit was probably just another tuesday#then again. people who compare the injuries also say it happened in the tower. and have him call tim “replacement”. so.
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Unlike divorced!Kirishima (who told you he wanted to try taking a break before making anything official), I think Deku doesn’t mention anything at all before he tries to remove himself from your life.
Goes straight from simply acting busy and being distant to suddenly, fully ignoring you at home and over the phone; I don’t even think he tries to serve you divorce papers before he moves out entirely, so desperate to… what? You don’t know and probably never will.
(That is, until he returns after years of silence with tears in his eyes asking for you to take him back.)
#deku#tries to wedge himself back into your life like nothing happened and refuses to say what he was doing while separated or why he needed to#I’m imagining he wanted to keep you safe not realizing he traumatized you instead#or maybe went undercover if he wouldn’t even explain to kacchan or Shoto#who refuse to write him off entirely but loathe the person who he’s become#but also I think … in more angsty kiri-esque fashion.. maybe he thought not being wrapped around your finger would make him stronger ?#(I think he lasts a lot longer than Kiri. Kiri barely stays away the full summer season before he’s regretting even suggesting divorce)#but I think deku lasts anywhere from 2-5 years#before you find him as a big lump in your bed again and try to scratch his eyes out#it’s rough#and do you have kids?#would I be evil if I say yes ?#what if he leaves u with a little one#a tot… who remembers him……..#although that’s acting like his father which I don’t think he would#but .. maybe I can see it#not sure#divorced deku#shii posts#gen
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#“it WAS emotional abuse” is the worst type of realisations#especially when there are moments when I only have being completely spineless weakling to blame#I still don't know what the fuck happened with that#I accepted the hardships of being accused of insane shit by the fandom's 'authorities' at that period of time but then-#-when he defined “being woke NPC” as the worst type of humanperson possible undeserving of anything from him#I just.... allowed him to keep me in fear of being labeled as that that'd effect some of my actions#from minor creative shit to what I should say even publicly#on the one hand it makes no fucking sense of being accused of transphobia is LESS scary than what he “accused” me of#on the other hand it makes sense that words of a friend had way more bearing than randos from fandom that ALREADY disliked me#and were WAITING for the “justified” reason to bully me#not to mention that their reasoning was absolutely nonsensical and even people that didn't know me could often see so#meanwhile he sounded very intelligent#and he also knew the pain of being hounded and thrown away by humanity. that resonated with me after k1rby fandom stuff#being considered an awful person forever that didn't deserve second chance at living and forming relationship EVER again...#though I still wonder whether we formed a cult of two#after all he was very happy to finally get rid of me#because he was feeling like he could not live without me and vice-versa but one day something answered his prayers and 'healed' him#with me.. well nothing saved me. I was healing gradually#but this winter it actually went FAR.#in any case I do not deserve sympathy because I've put this on myself#I could recognise the patterns but I CHOSE to stay and let him make me cry all the time#half of the things he did could've been easily prevented by me standing my boundaries better or. well. acting like ADULT.#and not a fucking traumatized dependent scared lonely autistic CHILD.#however my enemies do not deserve sympathy either. I think we are all punished. every single person involved.#except for a certain backstabber but if there is justice in the world then in due time.#if there isn't... well in that case nothing that happened matters anyway.#personal#/vent#I've been puking so much poison out in this winter#haha can't wait for something to sabotage my healing just before it is over like always
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