#when hurt. That there is nothing worth exploring because there is no impact from the impact. A crater lands and the Soil beneath it is

[bumblingbabooshka]

When the only person who might understand what happened- understand. Not sympathize or empathize or comfort you but understand what happened, isn't there anymore. Or: 'A Man Made Me Do Something I Didn't Want To', for when you can't talk about it or look it in the eye [Patreon | Commissions]

[nordidia]

May I request some pain, Raph flavored

Pretty pleaseeeee

i hope i dont sound angry writing this, but please dont send/ask me stuff like this! i've gotten a lot of similar asks like this and this is scary for me but i need to set a boundary!

.

i dont like making "angst" or sad things, i dont make non-happy content for the sake of inflicting pain, and i dont like people assuming/thinking i do! i make it for meaningful emotional impact, i dont want people to tell me how much they like that i "put raph through pain" or assume im appealing to people who like doing that .. it makes me very sad!

i dont make "angst" to purely hurt characters, im making fanart of a character with emotional depth, and to explore the character's reaction to serious matters, and to let people know that theyre not alone, and that struggling can look like many things

some of the most motivating things ive been told by people who like my comics is that it's helped them (and their therapist sometimes!) figure out what was up with them, because i write a lot of things such as ptsd and anxiety and general mental pain to look different than the media portrays. because there really is alot of forms mental issues can take, and not all of them get portrayed, which leaves real people wondering "whats wrong with me" when its right there, just different form!

i think the closest i'll get to making it "just because" is vent art, but that too has meaning. and i will specify when its vent art for that very reason. to say "this isnt necessarily me exploring anything, or canonical, its to make myself feel less alone, and hopefully, the people seeing this as well"

and thats why i make the content i do, its not because i enjoy putting characters i like through bad things,,, in fact, i often hesitate/regret posting because i feel bad about the things i create for the sake of this. but i try to look past it because it can genuinely help a lot of people, and it does help myself too.

i think that assuming i make emotional stuff just for the sake of pain takes away from that.. i try very hard to not over-do sad stuff and i often cut down on it because i dont want to overwhelm people with it, and to prove that i only do the necessities for the sake of healing from the things i put emphasis on

any of the pain i "put them through" is my take on what they've canonically been through, and exploring their reaction and way to deal with the aftermath of that. nothing more,,, nothing less.

ugly things are still worth talking about, especially for the sake of healing growth

this got alot i hope i made sense uhh yeah!! yeah.,, apolocheese!!

TL;DR: i personally make pain for the necessity of healing, not because i think its fun

and now back to our regularly scheduled program

[thesummerpetsalamander]

Don’t get me wrong, I’m living for Frenchie and Colin but I wish they’d explored a different aspect of Frenchies back story this season. like how he finally escaped from his dad (did he kill him in the end or run away?) or being homeless and having to become a prostitute to survive when he first came to the states.

I’m also convinced that Frenchies dad actually killed his mom but he’s blocked it out due to trauma. If they went down that route then that would have been an interesting way of linking his and Colin’s storyline.

THISSSSSSSS!!!!!!

when little nina mentioned his abusive father, and when he mentioned turning tricks’ in a flashback, i instantly wanted to know so much more about his backstory. those were two story arcs that were already set up for him to explore! but instead we get him and colin, which feels a bit rushed and kind of pointless anyway since we know nothing about colin. we know frenchie is going to lose colin, there’s no way this will work out. but we don’t care if he loses colin because colin has no emotional weight on the story. maybe if we got to see colin and frenchie’s relationship develop from the start we’d care more about them, but it was thrown at us just for it to be taken away immediately in an attempt to force the audience to pity frenchie. but we already know frenchie feels regret for his kills. i want to see how other aspects of his past shape him as a person.

we could still delve into frenchie’s guilt for being a hitman — but let’s explore what drove him to become a hitman. like you said, anon, did he have to kill his dad to finally be free? did this + turning tricks in america make him feel like the only thing he was good for was his body — his physical form, only made to please or hurt others, only made to follow commands. we see how he yearns for true individual freedom, but he struggles so much to actually free himself from those who hold the end of his chain. why is that? why does he not let himself to decide his own fate when that is all he wants? does he not trust himself — after a life of listening to others, does he not feel he can think for himself? does he think that if he tries to make his own decisions he’ll fuck up, so he only lets himself do what others tell him? or does he think he doesn’t deserve it — after killing so many people, does he think he deserves to be kept on a short chain for his sins?

frenchie is SUCH an interesting character, and they could be doing so much more with him. i’ve loved how they’ve explored his character over the past three and a half seasons, but i wish they would keep going further. clearly he has issues with his perception of his own autonomy. how did an abusive, controlling father affect this? anon, if your theory about his father killing his mother is true (it makes sense to me), how would that knowledge affect frenchie? how did turning tricks to survive in america impact his own self image and worth. how does selling his body for survival — first as a prostitute, then as a weapon — affect his perception of autonomy and identity? who does frenchie think frenchie is? these are all the paths i want to be explored with his character. if the writers wont do it, give me the pen.

all my kudos to the writers and the actor for creating such a great character. to leave the audience wondering more about your character like this is a compliment — it means we’re invested and we want to see more!!

also anon, feel free to message me to talk more about the show!! having the boys brainrot rn and id love to discuss it. or you can keep sending anons!

[soracities]

What are you supposed to do when you see a formative bunch on friendships crumble? When you realise that you have outgrown the people you couldn't consider living without, who you thought would be present for everything in your life worth celebrating? When there is no scope to reconcile except on an acquaintance level?

it depends on why they crumbled and what exactly it is that you are reconciling--is it an act, or cumulative acts, of carelessness and hurt that can't be moved past? or is it simply a matter of people changing and no longer being as compatible as they once were?

based on your question i'm going to assume the latter, and in that regard i think it's important to acknowledge the depth of what you felt in respect to who you were then and who they were then, and allow it its importance for that period in your life. you make space for and value the time and bond you had for what it brought you, for what it allowed you to give and become and how it helped you. you acknowledge all the little pieces of yourself you owe to these friendships without diminishing the pieces of yourself that are growing now, separate from them (as is inevitable, sad and crushing as it may be sometimes).

the worth and impact of something isn't tied to its longevity, and i think a lot of the grief and confusion we feel in these situations is because we've associated the value of a relationship with how long we can make it last--and if it doesn't last it seems all those years meant nothing, but that's not the case. i think part of accepting and honouring the people we knew (and the people we no longer are) lies in recognizing that outgrowing something or someone is not so much an act of careless abandonment, but one of expansion: you, as a person, at one point in your life occupied these borders--then the borders widened and new space opened up: what filled those borders before can sometimes grow along with them, but not always--and when they don't, all it means is that you now have new dimensions to play around with and explore and they demand to be explored, as widely, as honestly, as freely as is possible--and its a disservice to yourself not to do so. what was there before remains, in its corner, as a signpost you can look back on and measure your growth and experience against, or alongside with: but you can only honour it for what it was (and yourself) by not forcing it to become something it can't be anymore.

again, i'm assuming this is just a case of people drifting apart and so, if you can only be acquaintances now, then bring sincerity to that acquaintanceship, in whatever way that is possible (just because you are not as close doesn't mean there can no longer be care)--if those are the new terms, i.e., the result of your own growth and that of the other parties', then all you can do is acknowledge and accept them for the new shape they have taken. the space opening up for you now, in the absence of these relationships growing alongside you, is yours--and the main thing now is that you find what your new values are, your new priorities and visions for yourself and then make those the focus of this new part of your life, without feeling you have to justify them to who you were or who you knew before.

at the end of the day ask yourself: have you done the best you can? have you acted and communicated with clarity, care, honesty, and understanding? and if so, and nothing has changed, then all that's left for you is to move forward into the new spaces waiting for you, carrying and valuing all that you are now. the more dedication you bring to honouring and exploring this new and growing version of yourself, the more sincere and better fitting the new connections you will inevitably make can become. by nurturing the space you're growing into--for yourself--you also nurture and prepare it for the experiences and the people that will fit you best. and they will come, in time.

i don't know if this will help, anon, and i know it is not always easy, but whatever direction your life is now moving towards i wish you the bravery, faith and enthusiasm to entrust yourself to it, and to the decisions you make along the way 🤍

[thdorkmagnet]

Forgiveness in Three Phases

So this came out of nowhere not gonna lie. Was actually trying to finish a Turtle Tots story but then @somerandomdudelmao Cass Apocalypse series ended and I ended up using that as the fire under my feet to write this. This isn't a fanfic of that series or anything, just a result of me needing to emotionally work out my feelings through writing, so I felt like I should mention the impact it had on me and this story. Regardless, you should read Cass Apocalypse series anyways because it's amazing and everything I ever wanted in a comic and I can't recommend it highly enough! Seriously read it if you haven't! You won't regret it!

As for this story, it's a little bit of an experiment I wanted to try out. This takes place post- ROTTMNT movie and is basically Leo having a talk with each of his brothers about his sacrifice. It seemed like a typical idea for the fandom to explore so I wanted to try something a little different to make it feel a little more unique.

This story is told non-chronologically. It jumps between three different points in time, the talk with Donnie, the talk with Mikey, and the take with Raph. There are points where it intersects but mostly it jumps freely between. I did my best to make it easy to follow but let me know if anyone struggles.

Anyways that's really it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle belongs to Andy Suriano, Ant Ward, and Nickelodeon. All rights go to them.

“Are you mad at me?” 

“Yes,” Donnie replied instantly, leaning over the machine he was tinkering on, refusing to even look at Leo. 

“No,” Mikey said before his gaze shifted. “Maybe a little.”

Raph sighed, looking so tired and small. “It's more complicated than that, Leo.”

“What you did was stupid, self-sacrificial, and incredibly selfish!” Donnie's teeth were grit together, fingers welding small strips of metal together, causing sparks of light to bounce off his goggles. “What gave you the right to throw your life away like that?! What made you think any of us would be okay with that?!” 

“I'm more sad than mad, really,” Mikey confessed, stirring the broth he was making with shaky hands. His thoughts seemed to be a million miles away, detached from his current self. “I know it was a desperate situation and I know you were just trying to protect us but when that portal closed, I…” Mikey lost his voice, eyes flooding with tears. His gaze finally focused in on his brother. “Why did you have to leave us, Leo?”

“I mean I am mad. I'm furious, Leo! At you, at the Krang, at the whole awful situation we ended up in, all of it!” Raph growled, low and steady, the punching bag he had been mercilessly wailing on a moment before now a crumpled broken heap on the floor. His voice was barely a whisper as he finally added, “But more than that I'm mad at myself.”

“No!” Donnie shouted, cutting off any attempt for Leo to explain himself, slamming a fist so hard on his desk it made the walls rattle. He fully turned to face his brother, goggles still hiding his eyes. “No, I don't want to hear any of your excuses! I don't care that you're the leader! I don't care that you thought there was no other way! I don't care that it was the literal end of the world! I don't care! Nothing you say is ever going to justify me almost losing my twin!” 

“It hurt us! It hurt us all so, so much!” Mikey shouted through his tears, dinner forgotten as he crumpled to his knees. “Raph and Donnie were just so broken. And sad. A-And I just couldn't… I can't-” Mikey threw himself at Leo, clinging to him with all he was worth. He held tight, sobbing and shaking and screaming incoherently as days and weeks of pent-up frustration and sadness bubbled freely to the surface. He held onto Leo so he couldn’t go away again.

Raph looked away, guilt washing over his face like a wave over sand. “I shoulda stopped you. I shoulda done somethin’.” Raph's shoulders slumped, like there was an unseen, oppressive weight pushing him down, threatening to crush him. “I'm the oldest, I'm supposed to keep you guys safe! Not you! It shoulda been me that got sent to the Prison Dimension. Instead, I let you make an impossible decision and it nearly killed you.” 

Donnie finally tugged up his goggles, eyes glassy with falling tears, something small and vulnerable now filling the space between the two brothers. “I thought you died, Leo. For a minute I… I thought you were gone. I mourned you.” There was no anger in his tone anymore. He just sounded sad and broken and so, so tired. He turned back to his invention, whispering. “You made me mourn you, Nardo.”

It took a while before Mikey’s wails sounded like words again. “I can't lose you, Leo! I can't, I can't, I can't! I-I was s-so scared! And the magic hurt so bad! I just wanted to bring you home! Even if it brought Krang back! Even if it killed me! I needed you back!”

Raph plopped on the floor, the weight finally too much for him to stand. Leo sat down too, failing to find the words to say. “I'm sorry, Leo. For not being there for you. And I don't just mean with the Krang, even before that. I thought you just weren't taking anything seriously and showing off like always. I didn't realize how hard it all was for you. I shoulda understood.” He finally met his brother's eye with a tenderness that hadn't been there in so long. “Instead I kept fighting with you and pushing you and pressuring you, instead of just being there and supporting you the way I shoulda been. And maybe if I hadn't said all of that…” Raph let out a deep, soul-crushing sigh. “You wouldn't of sacrificed yourself the way you did.”

Leo crashed into Donnie’s back, burying his head into his torn shell, arms encircling his twin protectively. 

He squeezed Mikey back, letting his own tears fall.

He reached out a hand, placing it over Raph’s own, finally meeting his big brother's eye.

“I'm sorry.”

“Your right, there is no excuse,” Leo admitted, words muffled as he buried himself a little further into the soft leather. “I never should’ve left you like that. I shouldn’t have hurt you or made you… think I was dead.” He choked back a sob, holding his twin just a little tighter. “I didn’t want to make that decision, I wanted to stay with you and Raph and Mikey and eat pizza and watch Jupitor Jim and argue about who’s the best at video games.” He couldn’t hold the sobs back anymore, crying into his twin’s shell, feeling the floodgates of his heart open, drowning him alive. But Donnie was here and there was safety in his presence, so he could keep on breathing. “I didn’t want to die and leave you alone.”

“I’m so sorry, Mikey,” Leo said gently, hands rubbing circles into his baby brother’s shell. “I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I scared you. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry.” He kept mumbling soothing words, listening as Mikey’s breathing started to even out and the tears turned into small sniffles and chirps. Still, Leo didn’t release his brother, he just held him close, pouring all the love, comfort, and affection he had to give into their embrace. He felt Mikey return it back tenfold, soaking through his shell and warming him from the inside out. “I’m here now. I’m here. And I’m never leaving you again. I promise. We’re safe Mikey. You’re safe. It’s all over. I’m home.” 

Leo nearly chuckled when Raph gave him a confused look. “What? Why are you so surprised? I thought that’s what you wanted to hear? I mean if anyone here has a lot to apologize for it’s me, not you.” His playful tone turned serious again, giving his big bro an apologetic smile. “Look, I know I haven’t been the easiest person to get along with lately, so I don't really blame you for any of what happened, before or after the end of the world. And you shouldn’t either. Not for a single thing.” 

Donnie suddenly swerved in his chair and pulled Leo tightly to his chest. Leo was so shocked he just sat there frozen for a moment. “I’m not mad at you because of what happened to me, Nardo. I’m mad because of what happened to you. Because you thought your life was worth less than ours and you let yourself get hurt because of it. You nearly died because of it. And because you care so little about yourself, I thought it would help you avoid repeating obvious mistakes to see our perspective as well.” Donnie let out a small breath, resting his chin on Leo’s head, hands gently brushing over his shell. “Though perhaps I went about it the wrong way. Emotions aren’t my strong suit.” 

Leo let out a wet chuckle, pulling away so he could wipe away the stray tears. “Same here. And sorry again… for everything.”

After what felt like a lifetime, Mikey spoke, voice choked and raw but still surprisingly strong. “Okay, I-I think I feel a bit better now.” He broke the hug, staring up at his big brother with misty eyes. “I needed that, I think.”

“We both did,” Leo agreed, kissing him on the top of the head.

Raph didn’t seem convinced, looking down at their hands instead of his brother. “I still shoulda stopped you from going into the Prison Dimension. You got so hurt.”

“Hey, that was my choice to make,” Leo said firmly, giving his brother an intense stare until he met his eye again. “And I don’t regret it. Just like how I know you don’t regret-” The words almost didn’t come and he had to swallow hard to get them out. “-jumping in front of me to save my life. It’s what leaders do.” He squeezed Raph’s hand as tightly as he could. “It’s what brothers do.” 

“Yes, well, just don’t forget we care about you, dummy. Or we’ll be having this conversation again.” There was affection in Donnie’s tone, carefully reaching up to adjust Leo’s mask. However, the smile vanished a second later, hand gripping the mask tails and pulling hard. “And if you ever pull a stupid stunt like that again, I'll have both your legs surgically removed!” 

“And you mean it,” Mikey asked in a soft, anxious tone. “You won’t do that again. Promise?” 

Raph let out a long, pained breath, the tension seeming to leave his body a little, the creases in his brow fading. “Yeah, I guess it is. Just… promise me next time you won’t do it alone. Brothers help each other, too, y’know.” 

Leo nodded, smiling. “I promise.”

Donnie nodded back, accepting the answer, turning back to his invention but allowing Leo to linger.

Mikey beamed brightly, moving back to the stove to try and salvage the burnt broth.

Raph gave his brother a toothy grin, opening his arms up for a hug. Leo melted into it. 

“Soooo, do you forgive me?” 

Donnie hummed in thought. “While I am still notably mad at you, I suppose I can accept your apology. You are lucky you are insufferably endearing.” 

“Yeah I do,” Mikey said with such honesty and conviction it made Leo tear up again. 

“Of course I do, Leo,” Raph rumbled, holding his brother close to his chest. He nuzzled the top of his head. “I already did.” 

Leo hesitated, fearful of what he had to say next. 

“Do you still love me?”

He held his breath, terror more powerful than the Krang or the Prison Dimension pounding against his chest. 

Three brothers stared back and smiled. 

“Always.”

[futurewriter2000]

12th August 2024

Adoration

I look at people with adoration. I look at them and I see- see beyond the physical exterior. It's impossible to word it but when you pay attention to the smallest of details; what somebody says or does not say, the quiet, oversaught gestures they make and how their eyes react to actions, words or movements, you see.

People tell me that my eyes are special. They always mention that my eyes smile at them- that is adoration- and that means that in that specific moment, I love you. It is then, your choice… your choice to make whether you want me to love you more, love you continuosly and further, to love you infinitely- like the world revolves around us. I will give you love, I will love (such a short yet strong word) when you are in the depths of hell or the hights of heaven- I will stand by you, protect you, take care of you and your soul. I will make you see the light in every corner, I will pull you on your feet when your knees are giving in… I love unconditionally but it all starts simply with adoration. I look at you with my eyes- smiling eyes because I realise at that moment how important you are to me, how gorgeous your soul is, how bright your future is. I look at you with my dark eyes and I decide that you are worth it.

Then you make a decision- YOU DO- whether you want to explore my love or not and you make it by loving me back. You make that decision by being by my side, by asking me simplest of questions- oh yes… I am not that needy or complicated. I am humble, therefore, I do not need much to survive, neither to show my love but I do need something. Not breadcrumbs, not one word, I need you to want me. For you to want me for me, not for my love- to need me not only when you are going through the depths of hell, but to want me by your side when you are in the hights of heaven. To hug me tightly, not because I said so, but because you missed me, because you love me or adore me. Sincerety.

When you don't experience that type of love from me, it is simply because you are giving me nothing… nothing at all. I've been through family, friends and lovers that had taken my love for granted, so I never showed it much- see, they simply didn't deserve to see it.

I see… and people do not understand that. Sure, I bring joy and light but oh, if you only knew how much love I can bring when you come correctly. Like a movie, you are the character that makes the story greater or you disappear as fast as you came and you make no impact. If readers read the book, they would go »So stupid of them to leave, I wouldn't.« but so would they because nobody sticks long enough to see beyond the physical exterior.

If you think you know me, you had seen only a small piece of me. Why? Because I am there for you and I see more of you but when it comes to the other way around, there is simply nobody there for me and I process my pain, my hurt and thoughts in private. My love is so great that I will listen to you, be there for you and try to make you happy when I am in so much pain that I am barely breathing, and when you are there and don't notice that, you make more pain than anybody. To sit side by side, I look at you with adoration because I love you but you don't look twice at me to notice the pain inside me. I carry a wound, a deep wound- so do other people. I know I am not the only one but you have a wound I'd take care for in a minute and I have a wound that hasn't been taken care of for years. Nobody asked, nobody cared because I am simply a joy to be around. I hide parts of me, a big, large parts of me that make me myself. I hide them because nobody deserves to see them and one of those large parts of me is also the love I can give. To protect, care for, hold, lift you up when you are low. I will be your biggest supporter, your life-long partner in everything- not necessarily in romance- simply to go through life together.

When there is silence from me… then you will get nothing more but a fleeting moment of adoration. That one, small moment of love but you will miss out on all the love I can give. I know my worth, I know my love, I know my power, I am simply the best thing in your life and if you decide to reject that, to walk away from that… you are the one that is missing out and I give all that love to myself. So I glow and I fly into the hights of the Universe- because that is love. Love is what Universe gives me. It holds me up, it shows me it's there and it doesn't give me everything but it gives me enough when it's enough.

You simply do not know the life you are missing on when you decide to not be by my side… because in my life… there is nothing but magic.

[theerurishipper]

Pretty much confirms that Goh is leaving after 136 lol

I'm not happy about it. So I'm gonna rant about it on tumblr dot com.

Goh deserved better. As a character. He got one of the most unsatisfying and rushed conclusions to his goal. The pacing in Journeys was so poor that both Ash and Goh suffered from the effects. It was a chore to get through Project Mew. I'll say it again and again and again. The episodes were scarce to begin with and the new characters were glorified plot devices. Goh's development throughout the series was to learn not to be a loner, and PM was a good way to challenge him... on paper. But you can't expect me to believe he isn't willing to team up with people when he's done it before. With Team Rocket, no less, for far less. And it doesn't really challenge him either. One episode he's antagonistic to the idea, the next he's working flawlessly with Horace and then with Gary. And the problem never gets explored.

This is all an issue with JN's pacing. They have all these interesting ideas and they commit to nothing. It's not just Goh. Ash too, has arcs that on paper sound good but really? They're rushed, spaced out far too much to leave any impact. We get Gengar centric episodes after we've barely seen him in the anime for over 20 episodes or so, and like, where was he all this time? And it's the same with Goh. We got too much Goh focus in the first half of JN and next to nothing in the second. And it hurts his character. Ash's journey through, well, Journeys was lackluster too. The battles were average, he was not challenged much at all, Leon was more built up with lip service than with actual feats on screen... thematically, the battle was not that meaningful in terms of their relationship as compared to Kukui or Paul or even Alain. But the actual M8 tournament more than made up for it, even though it had flaws. The battles were good for the most part (we don't talk about Alain and Diantha), and Ash vs. Leon, while not well built up, still managed to amaze me. The animation, the moment with all Ash's pokemon... and even the Flashbacks with Leon sold me on it being a grand finale battle for the series. It was well written. It was good. The whole M8 tournament lasted about 13 episodes. It made watching Ash's journey through the series worth it.

But Goh didn't get that. He got 2 lackluster episodes that were slow, and oversaturated with characters we don't care about. Let's be real, no one cares about Tsurugi and Asahi. The only ones people care about are Gary and Goh and Horace to some extent. Groudon and Kyogre were clearly to fulfill JN's quota of "showing every pokemon." And Goh's always wanted to catch Mew? He should have more of a reaction at not doing that (unless I missed it, regardless my point kinda stands). He should have had a few moments where he realized Mew needed to be free or something and let it go. Instead, we got bootleg Groudon and Kyogre for half the episode. And just like that it's over. What was the point of learning all that backstory again?

I liked JN. I really did. After Ash vs. Steven, I wrote a whole rant about it, but I still tried to like it. But now? I can't. I see every criticism of JN that I thought was too much and I find myself agreeing with them. It started out so well too, and it just kept going downwards. These episodes solidify that for me. I guess they're good. They're nice. But as a conclusion to Goh's whole arc, the whole 4 years? Lackluster. Poor, shoddy, meaningless. And I say this because I love Goh. I really do. He's one of my favourite characters in the anipoke. Aside from Ash and Pikachu (and Alola), Goh got me into this show. He deserved way better. I saw someone else make this point somewhere, but even characters like Dawn and May, who weren't exactly co-protagonists like Goh was built up to be got so much more. They got 4-5 episodes to their Grand Festivals, May even had 2 tournaments. Goh got done dirty, and now he's leaving, destroying any hope of redeeming his character. I hoped that he would keep going on as a companion, but it was kind of a pipe dream anyway. I knew it wasn't going to happen. I would have been fine with it if his conclusion had been strong and solid. But it wasn't. And as far as the preview says, he's not sticking around. If he does, I'll be over the moon. But he's not. And to see him go out this way is sad. But hey. That's all JN does anyway, one disappointment after another. It just took me too long to realise that.

A meme to sum it all up.

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

i was being snarky but i got people who are genuinely confused in the comments and BOY do i love to infodump literary devices!! so here we go

"Fridging" is defined by TVTropes as "When a loved one is hurt, killed, maimed, assaulted, or otherwise traumatized in order to motivate another character or move their plot forward." Thing is, that could apply to a lot of things– for death, for instance, as Overly Sarcastic Productions put it, "While fridging is intended solely to upset another character, well-written character deaths almost always upset the other characters too. And since the character themself is usually too dead to care, most of the lingering ramifications of their death only affect the other characters." It is specifically a bad trope because it decides that any potential in their character is worth less than a shallow scene of Character A being sad, which they will forget about by the next arc.

Fridging is given as a trope solely to characters whose deaths/assaults/etc are:

ONLY added to provide motivation for Character A

This is the ONLY narrative role this incident plays. There is no exploration of how this impacts the fridged character or the world around them

"Fridging" was named by Gail Simone after a storyline in Green Lantern: A New Dawn, where Kyle Rayner's girlfriend is killed and stuffed in the refrigerator. She dies only to further this plotline and make the villain seem more evil, and then is practically forgotten about. Overly Sarcastic used the example of Gamora in the MCU, being killed just to make Thanos and Quill feel bad for a bit, and then she gets replaced by a version of her with zero of the character development everyone liked from her. As you can tell, this trope is almost always applied to women due to a lot of inherent sexism in the writing industry. This doesn't mean it can't apply to men, just that it happens less.

And it's not just death, of course– while Barbara Gordon was retroactively given a nice character arc and identity following her attack in The Killing Joke, the original intention for Barbara's paralysis was solely to upset her dad and Batman. How this affected her was an afterthought that had to be explored later, by different writers who actually cared.

"Death by Origin Story," meanwhile, is related but distinctly different. It's a character that dies in order to motivate another character, yeah, but their death is meant to kickstart the entire plot/character arc. See Uncle Ben in Spider-Man– while most adaptations/universes don't bring him up much after he's dead, his death is the reason Peter does everything he does. Batman's parents as well– they may not matter as people, but take them out of the story and you lose Bruce Wayne's entire emotional motivation. They don't die for shock value, and their deaths impact the characters throughout the entire story, not just a short arc.

The thing when looking at a story is that, once again as Overly Sarcastic put it, a lot of characters are supposed to be just plot elements. Because fictional characters aren't people, they're parts of a story the writer is creating. Now, that's okay– but when a character is fridged, the problem is it feels useless in-story. It takes a character who doesn't matter, kills them in a way that shows they don't matter, and only focuses on how sad another character feels about it before moving on. OSP used the example of Star Wars's Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru for example; they basically only died so that Luke could get motivated to leave Tattooine, and once he did, they're never mentioned again. If Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were replaced by a dog, or a fun new speeder he just got, or just the farm itself, nothing would change. If Peter Parker's Uncle Ben was replaced with a motorbike, everything would change. Peter Parker's motivation relies on the guilt he feels over Ben's death and the feelings of responsibility that Ben imparted into him as he grew up.

As you can tell, there's a lot of overlap and confusion, but there's a fine line between them. All characters are plot devices, but fridging takes you out of the story and makes you aware of how much the author didn't care about the person they're killing/maiming/etc.

Like, okay, gamer example. Five Nights at Freddy's. The dead kids are absolutely fucking plot devices. They barely get named, let alone any personality. Charlie's only personality is from her robotic duplicate in an alternate universe. Crying Child only gets "cries a lot." But they don't feel fridged because their deaths are given narrative weight and drive, like, all of the plot. Just because "Henry feels sad about Charlie dying" or "Michael feels sad about CC and Elizabeth dying" doesn't make them fridged, because it impacts the entire story and explores the tragedy of these kids dying so young. But conversely, let's go back to Charlie's robotic duplicate– while in the novels, Michael would definitely be DbOS (he's a plot device and not a character, but his death impacts literally everyone in the books), I'd argue that The Fourth Closet fridges both Charlie and Elizabeth. Charlie dies just when she finds out she's a robot (so no interesting exploration of what that would mean for her psyche going forward), then dies so that her friends (mostly the male love interest) can feel sad about it. Elizabeth, after spending the entire book focusing only on her dad's goals and getting her dad's attention, dies with her because the writers couldn't think of any other way to get her out of the story. Charlie's fakeout death from the last book didn't feel like fridging because it was built up throughout the story and had narrative significance. The third book's deaths feel cheap and rushed, to the point where Charlie, the main character, never interacts with the main plot of the book, and dies across town from where the climax is happening, while a (male) side character kills off the big bad. The narrative significance of these two interesting girls is shortened to "and then they die so we don't have to deal with them anymore."

And okay, yeah, I'm posting this on my sonic blog cause listen. Maria is a Death by Origin Story, not a Fridging. Is she a plot device rather than a character? Yes. Could she be replaced by a shiny rock? No. Shadow's entire character and motivations rely on his previous relationship with Maria and her hopes for the future and wish to help others. Does her death make the (male) characters around her feel bad and motivate them? Yes. But she's also supposed to be seen as a character, and the tragedy of her death is that she was a child who was murdered and that she didn't get to actually live the way she wanted to. Her death isn't supposed to feel cheap, and despite Sega trying to avoid mentioning it, it's supposed to have narrative weight.

I can get when people say that, say, Molly from Sonic X was fridged, as her episode is a one-off and really only serves to motivate Shadow. While I love that episode more than life itself, I absolutely can agree there. I'd also argue that Sally got fridged a lot in pre-SGW Archie comics. First when she fucking died in the 50th issue because Ken Penders didn't know how to write women, then culminating in "the universe reset right after Mecha Sally happened so we don't need to care about that." Neither of them have the narrative weight of Maria's death, and thus moreso fit the definition of fridging.

where was i going with this. i had a point.

uhhh watch overly sarcastic productions ig

ok girlies do we have to have a talk about the difference between "fridging" and "death by origin story"

[makeste]

I like Bakuguo but his attitude is starting to really piss me off. He's talking about Daku as if he's just ~crazy~ and as if he isn't partly to blame for Deku's toxic self-worth issues. It's infuriating to watch. If Bakuguo doesn’t admit out loud and in front of his friends that his bullying of Deku played a part in Deku's current destructive state and if he doesn’t verbally apologize and reaffirm Deku's worth then I can no longer like Bakuguo's character or Hori's writing.

tbh I don't really know why this is the discourse of choice for people all of a sudden, but this is already the second ask I've gotten about it, so I might as well address it lol.

I think fandom is conflating fanon!Deku and canon!Deku here again. fanon Deku is of course much more sensitive and woobified and has much shakier self-esteem. fanon Deku is the one that turns evil in so many AUs because of Kacchan's bullying. fanon Deku is the one that actually jumps off the roof in so many fics, as opposed to fishing his notebook back out of the pond a few minutes later grumbling about how Kacchan needs to think before he speaks or else he could land himself in serious shit one day if god forbid anyone actually does take his cruel words to heart.

and just to clarify before I get any further, I am not saying this to excuse Kacchan's actions in any way, because what he did was still completely terrible and unacceptable and WAY over the line, and what's more he knew it, too. the bullying was still shitty and horrible and awful, and definitely impacted Deku and made him miserable. I fully acknowledge that, and that Kacchan has a lot of atoning to do for it. this is not a "Kacchan did nothing wrong" post.

but that being said, I don't think canon Deku's reckless self-sacrificing nature actually has anything to do with the bullying. I think they're two completely separate things. canon Deku actually has pretty decent self-esteem in spite of everything Kacchan did to him. canon Deku doesn't think he is useless. canon Deku had a wholeass fight with Kacchan less than 10 chapters into the series in which he explicitly spelled it out for Kacchan that he had a lot of worth, and was going to prove it to him. canon Deku was persistent in wanting to become a hero and hoping and believing that he could find some way in spite of being quirkless. canon Deku never let go of that dream even when no one else supported it. I don't think he would have even given up on it after being told no by All Might, tbh -- we just never got to see how it would have played out because of everything that happened with the sludge monster shortly afterward. but he's not the type to ever give up on something that easily, and we've seen that. canon Deku never thought he was useless, but rather wanted to prove to everyone else that he wasn't.

the drive that Deku has to save and protect others even at the expense of his own safety is something entirely separate from that. he doesn't break his body for others simply because he has no self-esteem and thinks that his own life isn't important. he does it because he can't stand the thought of someone else getting hurt, and knowing that he could have done something to prevent it. it's as simple as that. like, Spider-Man has the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing, right? and he doesn't have low self-esteem; he simply believes that if he has the ability to help someone else, then he has a responsibility to help them. it's a personal creed. and Deku is based on Spider-Man. his philosophy is based on that philosophy, which was one of Horikoshi's core influences and is one of the core creeds in superhero fiction.

Deku is self-destructive not because he doesn't value himself, but because he is literally physically incapable of standing back and doing nothing if he knows that he can do something. he's the type of person who sees a car speeding towards someone and leaps in to push them out of the way. NOT because he wants to get himself fucking pancaked by a speeding car, but simply because he can't sit back and watch the other person get hurt without taking action. his body moves before he can think. and that's where the whole "doesn't take himself into account" thing comes in -- the fact that his thought process simply stops at "get them out of the way of the car", and never extends beyond that to "hey, and maybe I should try to find a way to do this that doesn't involve me getting hit in their place." to him, that's simply less important than the first priority, which is getting the other person out of the way.

and regarding that last part, while that may seem like a self-worth issue if he's prioritizing everyone else above himself, I think what it actually is just selflessness taken to extremes. like for instance, when a parent sacrifices themselves to save their child, them placing the child's life above their own isn't necessarily because they don't see themselves as having value. rather, it's that they love the child so much that they place their well-being even above their own. and that's what Deku is like as well. except that in his case he cares about EVERYONE, and so is willing to sacrifice himself for anyone. and that selflessness is his defining character trait, and simultaneously the most admirable and the most terrifying thing about him. it's both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness, which I think is fascinating to explore.

but anyway, so that's also why we never really see anyone thoroughly chewing him out for this behavior either. because the thing is, it is admirable how selfless he is. it's just that there's also a reason why most people are at least a little bit selfish. and that's because too much selflessness will ultimately and inevitably wind up getting you killed. at some point you either have to learn when to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or else find yourself a loyal group of friends (or classmates) to watch your back, and make sure that mask gets on you when you need it. and maybe help you land the plane too while they're at it.

anyway so that was a lot of rambling, but basically it all boils down to three things:

when Deku berates himself for being useless (for instance at the end of the War arc), he's doing it out of frustration for not being able to push the others out of the way of the metaphorical car. that's the kind of uselessness he can't stand. the sitting-back-and-doing-nothing uselessness.

Kacchan's bullying was terrible, and it might have indeed played a part in Deku's choice of the word "useless" as a way of berating himself in these instances, but he is not the one who gave Deku this mindset of taking himself out of the equation. that's something that was already inherent to Deku from day one. (but that said, Kacchan has a lot of things to apologize to Deku for anyway, so if he wants to add this to the list I certainly won't stop him. he gets mad about Deku's suicidal attitude because it worries him, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't feel responsible for it. people underestimated his feelings of atonement before 284/285, and I think they're still underestimating him now.)

and lastly, one last important note, which is that Deku's current "saving" mindset isn't wrong, just as Kacchan's "winning" mindset was not wrong either. the lesson to be learned here is NOT that being selfless and wanting to save other people is bad. rather, it's the fact that he's trying to do it alone that's got him all fucked up right now. basically when you think about it, selflessness is really just selfishness on someone else's behalf. which means that in order for Deku to be saved, it isn't necessary for him to change his outlook or his selfless attitude, even if it is pretty crazy lol. rather, all he really needs is a good group of friends who are willing to act selfishly on his behalf in return. protecting each other through mutual selflessness lol. teamwork as self-preservation. hence why the U.A. kids are here now.

anyway so yeah, I think that's everything. sorry this got so long and out of control lol. this is just a very specific nuanced thing that's hard for me to express, but which I feel is very important when it comes to Deku's character. Kacchan didn't unleash Depressed Nomad Deku on the world (or at least not in this respect). but that being said, he and the others will hopefully be the ones to nudge him back on the right course again.

[yourhealingjournal]

I hope you don't mind me asking this; it's a rather complicated questions and I completely understand if you either don't know or don't feel qualified to answer it. I in no way expect you to if you don't.

Anyway, moving on, I know the commonly stated thing of 'Your feelings and response determines if something is traumatic' but what if I'm extremely emotionally disconnected? How do tell if a possibly traumatic early childhood experience is affecting you?

Do you (or anyone else that sees this for that matter!) know of another way to determine if you have trauma? Is the extreme emotional disconnection the tell? Cause that's also common with depression, right? If it is the tell, how do I find out what it's source is? (I have a memory in mind as a possible cause from early childhood)

Feel free to tackle just one of these questions, all of them, none of them, or a random mix. Just- looking for answers, ig. lol

Have a nice day! And Thank You ahead of time!

hi anon, first off thank you for being respectful about sending this in. i do think i need to put a disclaimer on here to say i'm not a qualified professional to tackle this topic entirely, and it's best to discuss your possible cause from childhood with a professional to get to the bottom of the topic, but there are two things i'd like to respond to.

re: responses to trauma vary for individuals and i know that's frustrating to hear because it doesn't narrow down the scope of your discovery, but generally, emotional disconnection can be a tell. (can be because on the other side of it, you can be emotionally reactive OR you vacillate between the two extremes; i'm trying to cover all bases of reaction because responses vary, etc.).

emotional disconnect is common with depression, but the thing about trauma (or the after-effects of trauma) - they tend to have comorbidity with other emotional/mental afflictions. even outside the scope of trauma and we focus on simply mental/mood disorders not arising from trauma, comorbidity rates occur often, which is why you sometimes hear people say "i was misdiagnosed with condition x when it's all condition y all along", etc.

at the end of the day, if you feel that the event you alluded to is something that has impacted you to this day, it is worth exploring and processing. you don't have to put a label of "trauma" on the event for it to be serious enough to you to take the time to process it. i think sometimes (and i'm not implying or assuming you are like this, anon! i just feel compelled to say this) we often look for reasons to categorize it as traumatic so we feel more secure about taking the time to explore that hurt or to process it, etc. but like - there's no benchmark for what needs to occur or how you react in the aftermath for something to be traumatic to you. likewise, if putting a label of "trauma" on the event seems too loaded for you to claim at the moment, that's also okay. nothing needs to fall under the umbrella of trauma for you to process it or to acknowledge that it affects you in the present or to go speak to a professional or find ways to make your life better. i think that's all i'm comfortable with responding on the reaction/how to tell it's trauma or not line of inquiry.

re: on uncovering the sources, it's always best to do it in a safe space and having a professional who you trust and is equipped to handle the aftermath of said memory recovery would be ideal. i also think it’s not that straight-laced where you do A and then B happens. there are many methods depending on your preferences- i know some people who utilize hypnotherapy, or simply talk therapy that works for them, and others, not so much. you might have heard of people who say that sometimes, traumatic memories resurface when you are far away (and sometimes, a long time) from where and when the trauma first happened. sometimes you might also not recover all the actual event-memories, but only a few jumbled pieces of it coupled with emotional flashbacks especially in the case of complex-ptsd (you can look up this topic for more in-depth search; i recommend pete walker’s complex ptsd book to start with). in some cases, memory loss of said trauma can also occur (need sources, but i do remember my psych prof said this once).

side note: i would also add that it's an emerging field to not actually have patients talk through their trauma over and over again during sessions because there are therapists who are acknowledging that it is actually harmful in the long run (i can make a post about this some other time about how talk therapy can sometimes not be the best mode of treatment for people who went through trauma). (this is not to discourage you from uncovering said memories, so that’s why it’s a side note.) instead, modes of treatment tend to focus on the present you and moving forward. this sometimes include pairing body/somatic work with emotional processing work. that is not to say the trauma doesn't get processed, it's just that it's not the focus of treatment where you go to a couple sessions of therapy and the focus is all about resurfacing the memories. so if it's a pie-chart on time spent it would go: 20% past, 50% present, 30% moving forward time allocated (of course, that varies per session and per therapist and your goals to go to therapy, but i digress).

i hope this helps a little, anon, and if anyone feels inclined to, feel free to jump on. best wishes to you.

-r

[animeomegas]

Oh wow! I feel like I now know Neji so much better, thank you so much for answering! The differences between him and sasuke are much clearer now as I used to think they were indeed very similar. Seriously thank you for answering! Would you like to talk about Sasuke’s characterization? I know he’s another complex character that many people struggle with. This topic is so interesting!

(Ahh, I'm so happy you found it interesting!! I really enjoyed writing it! Sasuke's characterisation is always difficult but I will try my best to list some of the things I always keep in mind when writing him:)

Sasuke's Characterisation:

1. Trauma - It is a sad reality there is almost no part of Sasuke's character that isn't at least somewhat influenced by or driven by trauma. His life has been so hard and has left him with many scars. Sasuke suffers from awful nightmares, has defence mechanisms on top of defence mechanisms, trust issues, difficulties accepting love, a low view of his self worth as a person... And that's just the start of it. Canon can sometimes gloss over it, but I think it's very key to Sasuke's characterisation to remember how broken he is. Even being in Konoha puts Sasuke on edge after everything that the village has done to him. That's why frequent trips out of the village are pretty key to maintaining Sasuke's fragile mental health in my opinion. He needs to get away.

2. Sex vs Love - Sasuke actually has no trouble accepting sexual advances, especially compared to similarly traumatised characters like Kakashi or Gaara. I don't think Sasuke ended his missing nin era as a virgin, personally. But love? He can't handle that at all, and sex fuelled by love falls into the love category. Sasuke doesn't want to leave himself vulnerable to being hurt, it's instinctive after how many times he's been hurt before, so allowing himself to love someone or be loved by someone is a mountainous hurdle for him. If he's alone, he can protect himself. If he relies on others, he open to being hurt at all times. It's something he gets better at, but it never truly goes away. Sex that doesn't mean anything, doesn't leave him open to getting hurt so he's down for using it to blow off some steam.

3. Perfectionist and control freak tendencies - Sasuke is a perfectionist in everything he does. He keeps meticulous training regimes of course, but he also keeps a meticulous shopping list. If someone else buys him his weekly food shopping, he'll double check they got the right things and didn't forget anything (right in front of them lol, some people find it a little insulting.) Sasuke has always had elements of this in his personality, but I think mundane chores were the only things he felt he could control in his life, so he controlled them as much as he could, something he never grew out of. Sasuke is also a very clean and tidy person who likes his space to be perfectly ordered.

4. Touch starved but resistant - Sasuke is touch starved and love starved to the highest degree, perhaps beaten only by Kakashi, but he is resistant to solving those problems. It's why, whenever his guard is down (sick, injured, sleepy etc.) he will always automatically reach towards comfort. He needs it. He thrives under it. But his defences get in the way if they aren't already lowered. Sick!Sasuke does many things normal!Sasuke would be ashamed and embarrassed about.

5. Determination - Sasuke is determined to do things. When he starts something, he commits to it. It's one of the most interesting but often overlooked parts of his characterisation, outside of his commitment to training. Yes, he is determined to train. But when his therapist recommends keeping a garden? That garden will be the healthiest and neatest garden in Konoha if he has any say over it. I imagine that Sasuke vs Ikea furniture would be as entertaining as any part of the chunin exams. Between the perfectionist tendencies and the determination... It would be fun to watch.

6. Protective/possessive behaviours - Let's say someone managed to break down all or most of Sasuke's defence mechanisms... someone like Naruto or a possible partner. Sasuke would die for them without question. He finds it so hard to love, but when he does, he loves completely and in an all-consuming way. He defends that person to the end, and like hell is he letting anyone take them away from him. Even just pulling a prank on his partner would put you on his permanent shit list.

Quick side note to do with the last point, it has been explored by some people on the internet before, but I really like the idea of the sharigan impacting more than just physical health. I think that Uchiha love more deeply, more obsessively than your average person because of the way the sharigan affects their brain. When they attach to a person, truly attach to them, they will never let go, there is nothing they wouldn't do to try and protect that person. Sasuke is the epitome of this. He would do anything to protect a beloved partner. Anything. And if he fails, he would join them in death. There is no life without the person Sasuke attaches to.

I think Sasuke is an 'all or nothing' kind of person in more ways than one.

(Hope that made sense! x)

[tenacquity]

Just like Kaeya had extended the courtesy of listening to Ryunosuke’s words, Ryunosuke too fell into respectful, if not yearning silence—there again holding on to every syllable that trickled gently out of those lips, every telling breath mingling with uncertain pauses . . . pauses that the charisma of the captain so rarely allowed. He knew, without a need for the painful details, that this was frightening for him; Ryunosuke almost wanted to claim it uncharted territory, but the more Kaeya exposed, the more he realized how wrong that was. The territory was well charted, well explored, well pursued, only for a man who built himself from ice to be burned— Really, it was no wonder he’d crafted so many walls so much thicker when he’d learned what it meant to expose any part of himself . . .

That it meant allowing himself to get hurt. Because that was sometimes all it really took, wasn’t it . . . ? One little lick of fire could melt every last one of those walls, scorch that broken heart, and then what was someone like Kaeya meant to do?

—other than put forth every last defense he had to never let it happen again?

It wasn’t Ryunosuke’s place, no, to even guess what had happened—what he really meant by the scars left behind (even if he was rather certain the physical scars hardly mattered when compared to those beneath the skin). When Kaeya resolutely claimed there were far worse things to face than someone’s graceful rejection, Ryunosuke just as much felt a tiny surge of righteous anger in his gut: for Kaeya’s sake, that is—for whatever circumstances had led him to close himself off so coldly to the world, for whoever hurt him as if it was nothing . . . likely not even understanding the impact they’d left, the destruction they’d caused. It wouldn’t help. Nothing could change what happened. Ryunosuke had no right to intervene, but . . .

Goodness, if he ever met the person (no, the people, he was sure) who did this—? The way his fingers tightened, almost forming a fist there at his side, spoke enough volumes. Ryunosuke forced out a breath through his nose, redirected his focus to what truly mattered here:

Kaeya. Just Kaeya.

“I would like that, yes,” Ryunosuke confirmed, his breath carrying the words more than his vocal chords. “I would . . . like you to mean it, but I’m not requiring that you do. Ultimately, Kaeya, that’s entirely up to you and how big of a chance you’re willing to take, how much you find it worth going somewhere that’ll feel uncomfortable at first, because . . . You’re right. There are worse things. There are always risks. But unless you’re willing to take those risks, you won’t be able to find any good among it all, will you?” His expression softened while he looked him over, and the overwhelming weight of this shared intimacy was breached only by a wider smile, an easier smile, a smile that said, It’s okay. You’re okay.

Gingerly, as if to avoid causing another flinch in his companion, his hand unfurled from that fist and moved up to the open collar of Kaeya’s shirt. His thumb traced the fabric, rode it up to his neck, and there, it rested while Ryunosuke met his gaze. “You don’t owe me anything, okay? We can take this at whatever pace feels right for you . . . i-if you, ah . . . want to ‘take it’ at any pace in the first place, of course,” he reassured him, feeling his face go a bit hotter again at his poor phrasing. “No matter what, though—? I just . . . I want you to know you still have me. None of this could possibly change that.”

No sooner than the damning words left his lips did Kaeya wish he could take it all back. In his younger days, when he'd been so painfully naive, he would have been ashamed of his shame. His heart would have clung to the saccharine sentiment that he so desperately wanted to believe:

It isn't fair to think that way. Ryunosuke isn't like that.

But such foolishness had been burned out of him long ago. It didn't matter how deeply Kaeya yearned for what couldn't be. Even the people whose eyes held the most kindness, whose hearts held the most compassion, could turn faster than a blink. No one was infallible. No one could be trusted.

So what did that say about his actions now? It was nothing but self-fulfilling prophecy, but—

He felt it all over again. That warmth blooming in his chest as he gazed into Ryunosuke's eyes that threatened to thaw his icy heart...he knew it all too well. And, even more intimately, he knew the pain that would inevitably follow.

Kaeya couldn't help but flinch at the tenderness of his name from the other's lips. It should have spoken volumes. It should have put him at ease, but instead, it only felt like a portent of destruction that he knew he could not weather a second time. He let out a rush of air that was too humorless to be a laugh. You know you're allowed to feel things, right? As always, Ryunosuke's ability to cut straight to the root of the problem left him astonished. But he couldn't say how wrong he was without revealing too much. He'd already said far too much. Rather than responding, Kaeya let himself be led until they were tucked into the shadows of an alleyway for a semblance of privacy.

Miraculously, the Cavalry Captain didn't interrupt. His heart raced so quickly as he listened to his companion's earnest words that he could barely recall how to breathe, much less offer anything in response. Why did this have to hurt, too? Long before the other shoe had dropped, Kaeya already felt crushed by it.

What had he expected Ryunosuke to do? He wanted to think that he didn't have a cruel bone in his body, but...

He'd once thought Diluc wasn't cruel, too.

"Do you want to know the real reason I wear this eyepatch?" Even quieter now, Kaeya's voice rang hollow. No playful teases or cunning lilts. No games—only the raw, painful truth. "The last time I truly, deeply cared for someone...Well, lets just say it left scars in more ways than one. There are much worse things than rejection, Ryunosuke."

Kaeya knew the resentment and hatred that were inevitably sowed in the hearts of the people he cared for the most. It was a pain with no end; a wound that could not heal for how it festered. He'd carried that infection for so many years that now it was simply a part of him.

An attempt to mirror Ryunosuke's smile looked as fragile as he felt. "That is what I expect. I won't be taught the same lesson twice. That's why I did need the excuse." He was safe so long as he was putting on an act, but...they'd already crossed that line, hadn't they? Hand-in-hand, they'd left it far behind, obscured by the ashes of what they used to be.

"But you...you mean that." A note of breathless incredulity crept into his tone as he studied the other's face, his eye a brilliant glow in the evening dark. As many secrets as Kaeya himself hid, he'd come to know Ryunosuke in their time together; could read the open book of that handsome face and all of its expressions. Looking at him now, he recognized such gentleness. Such sincerity. Kaeya swallowed hard. "You do want me to mean it...just like you do."

[rwbyconversations]

Penny's arc was tragically worthless in Volume 8

Looking at Penny's arc in V8 just feels like... torture porn. Her and Oscar really got the short end of the stick in just being beat over the head and put through the wringer. But the way her arc went in Volume 8, looking at it from the POV of the season at large... it feels disjointed and haphazard.

I have to assume that Penny's V8 arc was built around the concept of the writing team going "How do we kill Penny and convince the fanbase that it will stick this time, no takebacks from Pietro?", alongside them thinking about how to give the Winter Maiden powers to Winter. And I think as a consequence all the steps in V8 are done to lead to her getting a human body so that Cinder can scrape out a win and Penny sees no other option but having Jaune euthanise to be sure Cinder doesn't get the powers. But the problem was that most people assumed that Penny had at least one more life left in the tank- Pietro pretty much made it clear in V7 that he only had one more burst of Aura left to give her, and it was obvious that Penny couldn't stay the Winter Maiden because she would break the balance of the show in staying. So they couldn't just kill her twice in one season, that would be excessive and feel forced, and only killing her once would lead people to assume Penny 3.0 would appear during Volumes 10 or 11.

So I think that's why we got the Watts virus plot- something that would make Penny kill herself after going to the Staff so that RWBY can use it to make her a new body that is conveniently a lot easier to kill, while also taking Penny out of show for the middle part involving the Atlas Invasion. But in turn, Pietro then had to be taken off the board because if Pietro was around, he'd be able to solve the virus thanks to his omnidisciplinary science skills that already include mastery of the fields of rocket engineering, prosothetics, robots, artifical intelligence and more. So when Amity falls and Penny is first infected with the virus, Pietro and Maria... just leave the show. They're still on Amity, but no one ever thinks to fly out and see where they landed to find Pietro. Which in turn means Pietro has no role to play for the rest of the season, meaning he never gets to find out Penny is a full human and then subsequently be there for her death. I'm sure CRWBY will eventually say "Oh we meant to have a cameo at the end but it got cut for time" like they usually do, but that's gonna feel like an excuse. Likely there was no hypothetical return of Pietro and Maria because they'd served their purpose so no sense bringing them back for the season. It's also a bummer because I think a Pietro/Watts hacker battle would have been cool. Watts was a very interesting character and I would have liked to have seen more explanation of his vendetta against Atlas, especially against the man who one-upped his project.

But the problem is twofold with the writer's plan to kill Penny. First off, Penny's "Real Girl" moment this season just copy pastes the message of her arc in Volume 7- where she again received confirmation that despite her mechanical nature, she had a real soul and was a Real Girl enough to get the Maiden Powers. This was a great way to show the Maiden Powers being used to validate Penny's identity without being too on the nose about Penny being a Pinnochio metaphor. Volume 8's version of this as a consequence feels far cheaper and undermines the intent of the Volume 7 finale. I mean, it literally includes a blue fairy, I think they went beyond on the nose and just punched the viewer with how unsubtle it was.

Her final death in turn is another can of worms, not least of which due to her suicide by Jaune which is more a shipping container's worth of worms, but what hurts the most is the idea that Penny is happy to die when she's talking to Winter, all smiles and content that she got to make a choice for once. Putting aside the horrific undertones in relation to Penny's choice to commit suicide (alongside the fact that this is a real thing people with depression have done where they have killed themselves due to feeling it was the one choice they honestly had in their lives), it's also a lot of wasted plot potential for Penny. I didn't like her getting another Real Girl Moment when she already had a great one, but if they were gonna do it then they could at least explore the concept- show Penny being a Real Girl and getting her wish, getting to have a happy ending with Pietro and Ruby. Yes, sometimes people die in media before their arcs resolve because that's realistic or some crap, but RWBY's not that show. Every time someone has died they have been at the conclusion of an arc, not the beginning of a new one.

Instead it just feels like Penny was a "Real Girl" so that both Penny was easier for Cinder to kill, and so someone on CRWBY could get paid to model her feet. And I don't know which of those upsets me more.

I was never a ride or die Penny fan but she always livened up a lot of the seasons she was in. Floating Array goes swish and I go yaaaaaaay. I was even gonna say that Penny's arc, with the exception of the virus subplot, was one of the generally better arcs in Volume 8. But the way they handled her in the final hour just felt miserably cruel, to say nothing of the choice to have the credits song be Penny's first song as a deliberate attempt to emotionally manipulate the fanbase. This death is so cheap and under-handed that now her death in Volume 3- one of the Best Scenes Of The Whole Fucking Show- has been retroactively weaked and stripped of impact. Because all it led to was Penny getting to come back for two seasons and dying right after, and Ruby doesn't even get to be there when she dies again. Or Nora, or Winter, or anyone she had a bond with or a pre-established dynamic. I still can't fathom what choices creatively led to Jaune being her killer given the focus of her bonds with the aforementioned trio, but regardless it was easily the worst call they could have made. Literally anyone else would have made the scene flow better.

You can re-write the Solitas arc in a way where Penny never came back and nothing changes- the exact same circumstances occur across the board for Volumes 7 and 8 except Winter gets the Maiden Powers a bit earlier. That's how little she mattered. Penny feels like she came back just for fanservice like Neo's return in Volume 6- a way to boost ratings and make money off merch for her again. And now in turn, her death just feels like a mix of a ratings stunt and a way to get rid of an OP character. She didn't have to die, and I don't mean in show.

I just mean writing-wise it was pointless torture-porn. What a waste.

[sisterspooky1013]

Spat by SisterSpooky1013

1428 words- read it here on AO3

“What? Where are you going?” He asked as she rolled away from him, retreating under the covers.

“Never mind, Mulder, I’m going to sleep,” she replied tersely, her bare back turned towards him.

“Scully, what just happened? I’m so confused,” he pleaded with her.

He ran quickly through the preceding two minutes; he was lying in her bed reading while she took a shower. She had emerged from the bathroom naked and crawled on top of him, which he very much welcomed. He’d set his book aside immediately and started kissing her when suddenly her demeanor changed, and now she was stonewalling him. What the fuck.

He rolled onto his side to nestle himself against her back, putting a hand tentatively on her hip over the covers. “Scully, I can clearly see that I did something to upset you, but I honestly have no idea what. I need you to help me out here.”

She heaved a deep sigh and rolled on to her back. Her bare breasts were illuminated in the the light of the small bedside lamp and he forced his gaze to her face. Hopefully if he played his cards right, he’d still get to pay them the attention he wanted to tonight.

“I hate it when you say things like that to me, Mulder,” she said to the ceiling. The expression on her face held irritation, but also hurt. Beyond pissing her off, he’d hurt her feelings, which was something he avoided like the plague. As they’d gotten to know each other in this new, intimate way, he’d learned that underneath her tough exterior she was actually very sensitive. The more she grew to trust him with her feelings, the more often she let him know when something he said or did rubbed her the wrong way. It was proving to be a steep learning curve.

“What did I say?�� He asked softly, brushing his fingers over her forearm.

She shot him a look that said “you know exactly what you said,” but he really didn’t.

In a derisive tone, she spelled it out for him. “I came out of the bathroom, naked, and climbed into your lap, and you said, and I quote ‘someone’s eager tonight.’” She stopped talking and set her jaw. Was that it? That was it. He was still confused.

“Okay. And that’s bad?”

She scoffed and rolled away from him again.

He looked up, requesting help from God or the universe or maybe even the extra terrestrials. He was bad at this. He wasn’t sure if that was because it had been so long since he’d been in a relationship, or if he’d avoided relationships precisely because he wasn’t any good at them. Chicken or egg, he was screwed. He scooted closer to her and draped his arm over her waist, taking her hand in his.

“Sweetheart, I promise I’m not being obtuse when I tell you that I don’t understand why that’s a bad thing to say. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but if you don’t explain why or how, I have zero confidence that I won’t do it again,” he was taking a risk using the pet name he’d tried out only a couple times. She seemed to like it, but she also didn’t like the fact that she liked it. It was a double-edged sword.

She sighed deeply again. When she spoke, her voice was small and unsure. “Do you recall me talking to you about my feelings around sex…around sexual desire?” She asked.

They had had a few conversations about what it was like for her growing up in the guilt-laden culture of Catholicism, and that since she’d started exploring sexually as a teen she’d always struggled with feeling guilty for her own desires. That although she did not ascribe to the belief that only whores wanted and enjoyed sex, she’d never been able to entirely rid herself of the shame she’d been indoctrinated with.

“Yes, of course I do. So…me saying that made you feel…something?” He tried to put the pieces together. This had something to do with her hang-ups around sex.

“When you say things like that, teasing or drawing attention to the fact that I’m initiating sex or that I want it, it makes me feel like you think I’m…” she trailed off.

“Like I think you’re what?” He prodded, squeezing her gently with his arm.

“I don’t know, Mulder. It’s stupid.”

There was no title to their relationship. At no point had they discussed what this was, or how to call it. But in moments like this, he was pretty sure he was her boyfriend. This was a boyfriend conversation. And the well of patience he was drawing from, trying to get her back within his orbit, it was a reserve he had not tapped into in many years. It was boyfriend patience, because boyfriends care enough about the feelings of their significant other to wade through complicated and often frustrating conversations for the sole purpose of continuing to enjoy all the happy moments that surrounded them. She was unequivocally worth it.

He tucked his face into the crook of her neck and kissed her sweetly on the shoulder. “It’s not stupid. Please tell me what you’re thinking.”

She rolled on to her back again; a good sign since it meant he could actually see her face. She was still directing her words to the popcorn texture of the ceiling. “It makes me feel like you think I’m dirty, or too sexual. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. And it makes me angry, because I should be able to want and have and enjoy sex without feeling bad about it.”

He nodded in understanding. “So me saying you were eager felt like I was criticizing or making fun of you for initiating sex, like it meant something about you. Something negative.” He kept his tone soft and even.

She finally met his eye and he was struck by how vulnerable she looked. In addition to her nakedness, her furrowed brow and the pebble of her chin resembled nothing of the powerhouse beside him in a suit each day at the office. He was overcome with tenderness for her, and gratitude that she was allowing him to see her so raw and unguarded. He smiled softly at her and brought his hand to her cheek, brushing his thumb over her lips.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Thank you for telling me.”

She turned to face him and he quickly slid under the covers to envelop her in his arms without barriers, her face tucked against his chest while her leg threaded between his. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, grateful when he felt her relax against him.

“I understand where those feelings come from,” he continued, “and that they aren’t necessarily rooted in logic. But if logic has any impact at all, then I think I should tell you that any day that you express interest in me sexually is the best day of my life.”

She chuckled against the fabric of his T shirt.

“I’m serious. If your hang up is that you worry that wanting sex makes you some kind of depraved sex-fiend, my hang up is that I worry that I’m an awkward, unlovable doofus who no one wants to have sex with.”

She tilted her face up to look at his. “So I’m hesitant about initiating sex because you’ll think I’m a whore, and you’re hesitant about initiating sex because you think that I don’t want to have sex with you?”

“Exactly.”

“Wow. No wonder it took us so long to sleep together,” she said dryly, then smiled at him.

Sensing that he’d found his footing, he ran his hand down her back again, this time continuing to cup her ass and give it a squeeze. He was rewarded by her flexing her pelvis against him as she brought her hand to his cheek and captured him in a kiss.

“For the record, Mulder, I do want to have sex with you.” Her words were hot against his lips.

“Right now?”

“Right now would be good, if you’re interested.” She slid her hand down his chest, over his belly and on to the bulge forming in his sweatpants. “Which it would appear that you are.”

“For the record, Scully, I’m always interested.”

She rolled into him until she was once again hovering over him naked, and they picked up where they left off.

Tagging @today-in-fic , thank you!

[cosmicjoke]

Okay, onto chapter 128 of SnK.  There’s some really huge thematic payoff in this chapter which I want to talk a little about!

The big theme that really comes full circle here is the theme of violence, and how it’s intrinsically linked to the human condition.  That’s obviously a huge theme throughout this entire series, but in a lot of ways it culminates in this chapter.

I first really noticed it in a big way, in terms of having a big impact on the characters, way back in chapter 50 something, during the Uprising arc, in that scene where Jean, Connie, Sasha, Mikasa and Armin are waiting around, and they start talking about Levi and how repulsed they feel by what they perceive to be his unnecessary violence.  They flatly condemn him for it, even going so far as to say there’s something wrong with him, and making bold statements about how they would never kill another person, no matter the circumstances.  This statement of course comes back to bite them not long after, when Armin is forced to kill one of Kenny’s squad in order to save Jean, and Jean begins to understand the impossibility and even selfishness that can be inherent to holding without compromise to one’s moral values. 

That theme comes back in a huge way in chapter 128, and it’s really interesting to see Reiner try to step in and take on the role of martyr by telling the members of the 104th that they don’t need to fight, trying to save them from the moral dilemma of killing their own comrades.  What I found really interesting here was how Jean, Connie, Mikasa and Armin don’t answer at first, and you can see this is a huge struggle for them, the scenario presented before them one which clearly goes against everything they want to believe they’re fighting for.  Connie even says that they’re supposed to be saving people, not murdering their friends, etc...  But it’s impossible to ignore how it’s Hange who steps in and dashes any possibility of them sitting this fight out against the rocks.  They say they aren’t interested in being a spectator, and reminds everyone there that humanity doesn’t have any time left for them to be debating their morality.  This ties back in perfectly with what Levi had spoken to his squad about way back in the Uprising Arc, again, when he told them he doesn’t know what’s right or wrong, and that all any of them can do in any given situation is act in the way they think is best, both for themselves and those they care for, and for humanity as a whole.  We’ve seen Hange come to terms with this blunt and often brutal reality well before this, during the battle for Shingashina, for example.  Hange really began to separate whatever moral qualms they might have had, any emotion they might have had about killing other people, during this arc, and coming to really understand and accept that sometimes morality was something that had to be sacrificed for the greater good.  Here in chapter 128, Hange isn’t interested in or willing to indulge in preserving either their, or anyone else’ moral purity at the expense of the Marlyean group.  They’re in this together, and Hange understands fully that to accept Reiner’s offer of sitting back and watching while he, Annie and Pieck take on the Yeagerists would be the height of selfishness and a prime example of placing one’s own moral purity over the well being of others.  I always think it’s brilliant the way AoT explores these issues, of how an uncompromising loyalty to one’s idea of morality can, in fact, lead to total disaster for others, can in fact worsen the lives of others.  How if one has a moral code they are absolutely, under no circumstances, willing to break, that person often is the one who is most self-serving and self-centered, more concerned with keeping their own hands clean than with helping anyone else.  SnK doesn’t condemn violence, but instead makes very strong arguments for why it is sometimes not only an option, but the ONLY option, and that’s incredibly bold, and incredibly true to reality.  

Armin, as usual, is the first to understand this, after Hange reminds them all.  Armin was also the first, back during the Uprising Arc, to extend understanding towards Levi and his violence, and why he had to at times resort to it.  Armin flat out says here “I refuse to stand by with clean hands”.  He’s acknowledging the selfishness inherent in an uncompromising moral code, and refuses to place himself above the rest of humanity, even if it means once more getting his hands dirty with the blood of other people.  He still comes up with a plan to try and avoid any bloodshed, but you can see Armin is willing and ready in this moment to do whatever is necessary, which he does when he and Connie get into the situation they do with Daz and Samuel.  Armin is the one who tackles Samuel, which is what gives Connie the chance to shoot him.

There’s this huge moment with Levi I want to talk about, after everything goes to shit and Armin’s plan falls apart, where Yelena says “You can’t separate humanity from violence.”  And then she says to Levi “Right, Captain?”, and we get a look at Levi’s face, and once again, he just looks filled with naked despair.  I think these two panels are incredibly important in understanding Levi’s own psychology during this entire final arc.  Yelena is right, for once, when she says you can’t separate humanity from violence.  It’s a part of the human condition.  And she asks Levi specifically about it, because if anyone understands this, it’s Levi, who grew up in a world where violence was often the ONLY option, if one wanted to survive, or protect those they cared for.  But Levi’s saddened expression in the following panel really speaks to his feelings regarding the undeniable truth of Yelena’s words.  Levi knows it’s true, but he wishes desperately that it wasn’t.  I’ve called Levi an idealist over and over, and it’s because Levi is someone who understands the way of the world, and understands human nature, with more clarity and compassion than probably any other character in the series, he understands that violence, pain, poverty, desperation, fear, death, are all a part of life, and especially a part of the human condition, and yet, even with that understanding and acceptance, Levi is also someone who strives towards something better,  towards a world in which these things AREN’T necessary, aren’t inevitable.  Levi has been fighting this whole time in order to try and create a world in which people can live in genuine peace and prosperity, without fear, or violence or inequality.  But every bit of Levi’s life experience tells him and reminds him, day in and day out, of the impossibility of that ideal.  The impossibility of creating a world in which these things don’t exist.  Nothing in Levi’s life would ever lead him to believe true peace and prosperity for all is an attainable dream, nothing in his life which would ever give him real hope in that dream becoming reality.  But still, he fights for it.  This is part of what makes Levi so remarkable.  It’s the very fact that he STRUGGLES to believe in the possibility of a better world, and yet still gives everything of himself to make it a reality, that makes Levi such a hero.  In fact, Levi doesn’t really believe that it’s possible, I don’t think, his life having been too hard and too desperate to fully embrace such an ideal notion.  But, once again, even as he’s riddled with doubt as to it’s attainability, he sacrifices everything he has for the possibility, no matter how slim.   Levi’s naked despair in the panel following Yelena’s question is because he’s being reminded once again of the impossibility of that dream.  Once again, he’s being shown that humanity is incapable of achieving true peace within itself, he’s being shown once again that people are by nature violent and warlike, and that everything he’s fought for seems more and more like a distant and hopeless dream.  Yelena sits in stark contrast to Levi here.  She’s bitterly accepting of the ugly reality, unmoved and unemotional.  She doesn’t care.  She thinks humanity is a worthless mess, unsalvageable and unworthy of salvation.  To Yelena, this is the inevitable result of humanity’s very existence, and to fight for something that unrealistically idealistic is a fools errand.  Indeed, Yelena seems almost to revel in it, the violence serving as affirmation of her beliefs, giving her a sense of validation.  But Levi, beside her, is deeply affected, his pain and sadness openly expressed in his face, his disappointment and heartbreak plain to see.  Levi is HURT by the violence, by seeing it unfold.  Levi, despite knowing the truth of Yelena’s words, despite knowing from the most first-hand experience the brutal and violent nature of human beings, and the improbability of humanity ever achieving true peace, still believes with his whole heart that humanity is WORTH fighting for.  Levi, despite how hard it is for him to believe in actually achieving a better world, still believes that FIGHT is worth an attempt.  And that’s really one of the most vital philosophical difference between Levi and people like Yelena, or Zeke.  Despite knowing and understanding better than anyone the brutal and harsh reality of the world and humanity, to Levi, it’s still something that’s worth fighting to protect, and worth sacrificing for.  Even against his own, weary doubts as to its possibility.  And that just shows a strength of character that is immense.  To be so burdened by doubt, but still to fight with every last ounce of your strength, to give to your very last breath.  That’s Levi.  That strength of character, that unwavering conviction in giving his all to a cause he isn’t at all sure is even possible, is never more apparent than in this final arc, when Levi is in the most literal sense at deaths door, physically wrecked and barely able to even stand, and yet still he fights with everything he has.  That truly is remarkable.  That truly is heroic.

Just one more note.  Floch really exposes himself in this chapter for what he actually is, which is a power freak.  He’s been spouting off this whole time about the Empire of Eldia and saving the island and the people on the island and blah, blah, blah, but during his conversation with Kiyomi, he admits that he doesn’t really believe that the island will be safe, even if Eren wipes out all of humanity, that people will still continue to kill each other, and then he starts in about how what’s important now is for people to “know their place”, as he holds a gun to Kiyomi’s head.  Floch is a power freak, he wants to control other people, wants to dictate to them, wants to hold power over them.  He exposes that about himself here.  He doesn’t actually care about Paradis, or the people on it.  He’s simply getting off on being able to push other people around and make them do what he tells them to.  He’s such a bitch.  It was hilarious when Kiyomi took his ass down and messed his arm up.  

[total-drama-brainrot]

Exactly what I'm talking about!

José having to balance his own innate need to be accepted by his family - since he's assumedly the middle child and therefore needs to accomplish more to stand out amongst his brothers (middle child syndrome hits hard) - and the detrimental effect his chronic overachievement has on Alejandro is a super interesting and, as far as I'm aware, unexplored valley of possibility to take his character down.

Which can be made even more heartbreaking if you portray José as being unaware of just how deeply Alejandro takes each outshining. He's an oblivious antagonist in Alejandro's life who only ever intended to be a good role model for his younger brother. What's more tragic than someone who unintentionally and unknowingly becomes a villain in the eyes of the person they care most about?

Having their personalities clash in such a way that they both end up inadvertantly hurting each other through the lack of mutual understanding, exaserbated by the conditions of their homelife and, as you mentioned, the impact of a "traditional masculinity" on their behaviour, is a much more realistic and interesting dynamic to write for the two than just having José act as a one-dimensional bad guy.

Because we see the impact of José's behaviour on Alejandro in canon; his inherent need to prove his worth by winning, his aversion to the nickname "Al" or other variations of his name, his poor reaction to losing (when he isn't throwing on purpose). But we don't see how José is impacted by Alejandro.

Imagine this. You're José. You try your best to be a good big brother to Alejandro, even if he doesn't seem to share your joking nature since he always ignores your teasing and generally meets your attempts to bond with a glower, but that's fine because you love him anyway and you're sure he loves you too. Sure, it hurts when your baby brother constantly rebuffs your affection, but you know that Al tends to be a lot more serious than you, so you try your best not to be sour over it. The only thing you two seem to really bond over is your shared competitiveness, which is something your parents (stern as they are) encourage between you two. So you engage in as many challenges with Alejandro as you can, spurring on a full-blown rivalry between the two of you, which - at least on your end - is mainly an excuse to spend time together. There's nothing more to it, just a friendly rivalry between brothers. But then you find out that Al doesn't see it that way. In fact, he hates you, and thinks you're dead-set on causing him as much pain and hardship as possible by consistantly outperforming him. Now, all of a sudden, every cold shoulder he's turned your way that you initially shrugged off as a standoffish temperament take on a new meaning. Every vitriolic insult he'd spat at you during whatever competition of the week you two engaged in is no longer just him getting lost in the heat of the moment, it's genuine resentment. A realisation like that has to hurt. What do you even do in that situation?

So now you have a José who's being faced with the consequences of his actions, despite how good his intentions were. Because from an objectve point of view, he was kind of an asshole to Alejandro, he just didn't realise or intend to be.

Does he struggle with a sudden bout of self-doubt... and perhaps even self-loathing, for inadvertantly hurting someone he cares about so deeply it made them hate him? Does he refuse to believe the reality of the situation and lash out against the idea of him being the "problem"? Does he try to apologise to Alejandro, only to be met with disbelief and scrutiny and (potentially) outright hostility?

I'm just saying there's a lot of angst potential there in what is essentially just a massive miscommunication plot. And it's the perfect excuse to explore José and Alejandro as characters and their toxic homelife.

I think it'd be a lot more tragic if José wasn't the antagonistic asshole we all assume him to be. At least, not from his point of view.

Could you imagine a José who is genuinely trying to be friendly with his baby brother in his own weird way; initiating meaningless competitions between them because he can see how excited Alejandro gets when his competitive fire is nurtured, playfully roughhousing with him as a form of bonding, trying to set a good example for his baby brother by meeting their parents impossibly high standards and encouraging him to do the same, so on so forth.

A José who's completely oblivious to Alejandro's hostility towards him, who perhaps makes himself too present in his younger brother's life because of how vacant his older brother Carlos had been to him. Who genuinely thinks that Alejandro shares the same perspective on their relationship - since their parents have all but banned healthy communication in their household, and the Burromuertos at large are in the habit of masking their true feelings/thoughts.

I just think it'd be interesting to explore things from José's point of view without making him some irredeemable villain. Plus, learning how Alejandro really views him from a reality television show of all things would beprime angst material.