#even if i did i probably wouldn't be able to do it or do it right

[from-the-owls-nest]

mhm. what if you're too broken, in too tiny pieces, even the base too shattered to rebuild from. what if there's too little good left.

*swallow* that... that probably wasn't the most helpful answer. but I know what you mean. and I don't really have a fix or anything.

*drily, like, ironically* should probably clarify that the you in that first sentence meant me and just me. so. before you get any more ideas. because of course for Me that's Different! At least for my chaos brain tangles.

[ooc: Philosophy Below. idk brain ran away with thoughts call me if u find it /silly]

*silence, thinking over the words again* I don't know. All I can hope is that - that sentence from the movie Aria likes. When we can see no future, all we can do is the next right thing. the next little ray of sunlight. the next little moment of peace.

And if none of that is possible... Wait, and hold on, and look for them, and hope they come back soon. This is just my thoughts - my little agreement with myself. I gotta try the best I can, even if the best I can is a break from trying to recover. And then I'll know that Past Me did their best for me now and that I owe it to Future me to do my best for what they might become. Even if they weren't very successful. Like deciding that however I am right now is me too, and so I am all these things and parts, the good and the rough ones, and they all together make the full me. It's these nice little shortcut across the self blaming and infighting that take a long time to work out but help wherever they hold.

But like. I think I owe it my future self to hold on, and to get through the storms. Our past selves have come such a long way, and who knows where we'll go next, what our future selves and lives might be like. So like. I do think that new paths open up all the time, possibilities. Even if the ones now are all bad, who knows where we can still go. And the only way to find out is to try, and to do our best.

*they pull out their diary, and from the front a little calendar page* Look. I... It's one of these pages I'll keep forever and ever because I need the reminder, and give to others when they might need it. I don't know if it's right. I hope so. and I think the only way to find out is to try and hold on.

For me that's enough. That, little hopes, little good moments, even just the memory of warmth and hope and the knowledge that all that was once can come again - in different forms, maybe, but it can. *turning to lay it next to Will's sneaker*

*more silence* But. Well. That's really big thoughts, and hard to see when everything is so dark. Hm. okay just to throw some thoughts out. You don't have to tell me, you don't have to think about it, just... some ideas. Little windows into that maybe, whenever you're able to look.

what do the voices say? can they maybe be talked to, or be both a little right?

is there anything you wish wouldn't stop? or come back? any little thing. ignore realism and context all that. if you were playing make-believe, your own little world, what would it look like? if you want to we can take turns. I play that game regularly cause, well, bad memory, and i probably should start again.

and... does it have to be a *bad* hurt? like. yes. you're different. stuff happened, and it changed you, and that really really hurt. you might not be the same person as before. is that a bad thing? or, you said nasty. sure. right now it's raw and painful and doesnt fit yet. but... could all these little shards grow back together and become something scarred and mended, and different?

I hope they could. I'd really miss you - not you from before, you however you are right now and however you want to be. Idk doesn't make much sense but - people if they change are still that person, right? just... changed, by a situation or because they got to know themselves better or whatever. Like Butterflies. I'd like to see the next chapter, with you if you want or just knowing there was one for you.

Image Credit @thelatestkate and her website

Love love love characters that present themselves as emotionally open social butterflies but the more you see of them the more obvious it is that they’re the most closed off fuckers in the story. Sure, they want to help you with your personal problems and messy emotions, but if you turn that shit back on them, they’ll shut down or deflect every time. Why are you sticking your nose in their business anyway? It’s not like it matters. They’re not a person, they’re just a role being played. They’re the guy who fixes things and saves people. Please ignore the man behind the mask, he’s fine. Everything’s fine.

[incorrectfatui]

Don't have any quotes for you right now, but some more headcanons! I thought you guys wouldn't care about those, but you seemed to enjoy the last few so oh well, here goes

today: How do they press Pantalone for more money?

Starting off with Pierro: he doesn't really have to. He asks and Pantalone is too scared to say no. Actually sometimes he doesn't ask. He just takes it. Capitano: Asks rarely enough (because he "trusts Pantalones judgement & financial plan"), that Pantalone just gives it to him, on the rare occasion that he needs it. Only ever asks if he actually really needs the money, because he'd feel bad otherwise. Dottore: Bro tries everything. Threats, bribery, begging- it has stopped working, because he does it so often that Pantalone becomes numb to it. Has now taken to threatening the newer Harbingers for money, instead of Pantalone directly. It works with Childe, less so with Arlecchino. Columbina: watches Pantalone sleep until he gives in. Usually only takes one night. Actually he'd probably just give it to her if she asked, but she skips that step and goes immediately to the next one. Arlecchino: gives detailed reports as to why she needs more money, and usually manages to convince him. Some of her requests are straight up denied though, because Pantalone will not pay more magic show equipment, no matter how much she argues that it's for a mission. Tried petitioning the Court of Fontaine to pay her child support from the state, but no one voted in favour. Crucabena: got a lot of money to pay for all the children, and just never told Pantalone that a bunch of them died/got given to Dottore. She eventually just had a shit ton of money left over. If she *does* ask for more money, she waits until after Dottore has asked for an absurd amount, and immediately follows it up with much less money. Pantalone usually gives it to her, because he's already been exhausted by Dottore. Pulcinella: actually, despite what you may think, he (after Dottore) is the one who asks for the most money, to plan events in the city and such. Usually he threatens higher taxes for the rich, if Pantalone doesnt give him money, so he rarely refuses.

Scaramouche: he doesn't. For one, he thinks it's beneath him to ask a human for money, and for another, he doesn't really need it. If he sees something he wants, he can just steal it, he's already a criminal. Doesn't pay for food, so he saves a lot of money that way, too. Even if he DID need money, he'd just sell some trinkets he took with him from the Abyss. Sandrone: sends a giant robot to do the negotiating for her. Not because she wants to intimidate Pantalone, just because she doesn't want to leave her room. Whether it works is a 50/50, but if it doesn't, she'll just rob someone instead. After Crucabena/Signora/Capitano died, she raided their bank accounts, so now she has a lot of private savings. La Signora: Also sees it beneath her to ask Pantalone for money, but thankfully for her, he owes her massive amounts of favours, so she usually just has to insinuate that she wants to cash one of those in. Pantalone: is Pantalone Childe: Hasn't really gotten the memo that Pantalone wants something in exchange, so he usually gets rejected. However, he grew up poor, so the salary he has now is more than enough for him. ...if he didn't spend half of it on Zhongli. Was able to pass that off as costs for the mission at first, but Signora told on him. Now he owes Pantalone money.

[panlight]

Tbh I've always thought that what really fucked Bella up in New Moon was the fact that Edward took all of her photos of him and left her without any evidence that he really even existed. And the Cullen leaving just felt like part of that. If they'd stayed but he still took her stuff, she probably would've done better, but if they left and she had her stuff, she also probably would've done better.

Like, in Twilight, Bella did almost die. She brushes it off but I wish New Moon had delved more into how traumatic that would've been, like instead of having nightmares about aging, she could've been having nightmares about James, and how fragile she is as a human. And everyone except for the Cullen think that she just fell down a flight of stairs, scary but not traumatizing. So when the cullens left, everyone that knew the truth was gone, and anyone she could be honest with was gone. Which isn't on them but it seems a little irresponsible, like it's against the law to tell humans the truth so we are going to leave the one human we told alone and never check in on her and make sure she isn't a) losing her mind or b) telling other people. If they owe her anything, they don't owe it to her as Edward's ex-girlfriend, they owe it her as someone that Edward and Alice brought into their world and endangered.

Aside from that, though, the fact that Edward took any trace of him meant that not only could she not be honest with anyone around her, she can't grieve the relationship properly and also she has no *tangible* evidence that he wasn't human. At least in photos you could see the paleness and the eyes. All she has is the scar James' left, which is probably wrapped in its own traumatic memories. If you had to lie to everyone around you for 6ish months, then the only people you could tell the truth to disappear and the only "evidence" you have of the truth also disappears, and you *still* have to lie to everyone around you, wouldn't you lose it a little bit? Wouldn't you start to wonder if you hallucinated the whole thing?

Like, when she sees Laurent, she's actually excited at first. Here is evidence that I did almost die in Phoenix! Here is someone I can be honest with! Here is proof that I'm not crazy! Seeing Laurent isn't painful for her the way that thinking about Edward is, she doesn't try to avoid him or have a panic attack at first.

To me, Bella's depression in new moon wasn't just about the break-up. It was also about how knowing about vampires isolated her from her human friends and family, and when the vampires left, she was alone. There were too many secrets between her and other humans for them to have normal relationships with them. Even if the cullens stayed and she avoided them, at least she knows it was real.

She's also in more danger from other vampires for the rest of her life because she knows, because anyone could come across her and say "shoot, she puts us in danger of exposure, gotta kill her I guess."

Still, I feel like people pay too much attention to the question "hey, is it messed up or not that the cullens left?" and not "hey, is it messed up or not that Edward basically stole Bella's things when he left?"

Yeah this makes sense to me. How being cut off from the vampire world and not having any proof it was even real would mess with someone. Not being able to talk honestly about what you've been through with someone. Edward is trying for a 'clean break' but in doing so removes the proof that he and the whole family was real.

What I never got about the 'abandoned' argument was like "how could Esme and Carlisle abandon their daughter!" because I just did not read their relationship like that. That birthday party in New Moon did not read to me as a family celebrating one of their own; it read as a family trying to be welcoming to a family member's newish partner. They like her. They care about her. But they don't know her that well yet and she doesn't know them that well yet. That conversation she had with Carlisle over stitches is not a conversation you have with your dad or even with your father-in-law; it's a conversation you have with someone you're still getting to know. She's asking him like, really basic stuff about the whole vegetarian thing. At this point in the story she doesn't even know Rosalie and Jasper's backstories yet. She doesn't seem to ever learn Esme's full story. Canonically, Emmett and Rosalie had been in Africa; Bella says at the birthday part it's been months since she's seen them. She and Edward have only been dating for six months, which is a long time for a high school kid, but it's literally nothing for immortal vampires.

The sense I got from New Moon was that the Cullens were still trying to figure out how this was going to end with Edward and Bella. And we learn from Midnight Sun he was planning to leave all along. I feel like Bella thought this was permanent and the "future, the family" she had chosen, but I don't think the Cullens were looking at it the same way. No one was using the word 'mate' in canon; Edward and Bella were not engaged, there was no plan to make her a vampire. Everything was still in limbo. I think Bella loved the idea of being part of this big family but I don't think she really knew them as individuals yet except Edward and Alice (even Emmett, again canonically, was not around that summer to bond with).

Obviously everyone has different headcanons, but there's roughly where mine is. I'm sure they were sorry to leave and that, other than Rosalie, they liked her, but I think they already had a sense that this arrangement between Edward and Bella might not, could not, last. I don't feel like they thought they were leaving behind a family member, just a could-have-been family member. She's like Bree Tanner in Eclipse; they would have happily taken her in. But they hadn't yet and they can't like, force Edward to keep dating her.

But yeah I think the disorientation of having no evidence (except the stereo; she clawed that out of the dashboard herself, didn't she?) and having no one to talk about it with is the real issue; THAT would take a toll on anyone's mental health even without the break up. I just didn't feel like she actually cared that much about the Cullens beyond that; hence the Scenario 2 the other day where Edward stayed but everyone else left. I think she'd feel guilty that she separated Edward from his family but that would be it. If she had Edward, she wouldn't be super bothered to not have the others around.

[that-hazbin]

I think Charlie might be privileged enough to not understand why someone would want to be white passing, especially back in Alastor's times. I mean, I don't think there would be many times she would be met with racism. Her skin is *literally* white. I think she might be the kind of person who is insistent on being your true self, not seeing how it could be harmful to someone in some situations like that.

I'm not sure if Alastor would be hesitant about dropping some things, like straightening his hair or something, but if he was, I think Charlie might be a person to push too much too soon.

Also, I think Alastor can be very good reusing things that others would've thrown away already.

Like using banana peels as shoe polish (not that specifically, but the best example I could think of)

Which confuses Charlie and probably Lucifer. And Alastor might roll his eyes at their privileged white asses

Charlie is Hellborn, even if she weren't privileged I sincerely doubt she would understand the concept of judging people based on their skin color. Like, yes, her skin is literally white, but she did not grow up in human society in which having white skin would give her privileges, so I don't think that actually matters in her case? Her standing is based on being royalty, it doesn't have anything to do with her skin color. She's not human, she will NEVER be able to understand human racism because she lives in Hell.

Sinners change appearances when they land there, so them continuing to operate on their own ideas of racism would be extremely confusing to her not just because she's privileged. Like, many of these people no longer have the same skin color they had when they were alive, but sinners still can somehow clock people of certain races based on what... their clothing?? The way they talk, the way they carry themselves?? Literally how??? She won't ever get it.

You're right that Charlie would be the type who pushes too much, though. It's because of her lack of understanding of human racism that she genuinely just wouldn't see how Big of a deal this is for Alastor.

Honestly speaking, she wouldn't understand how "straightening hair and changing accent" contributes to Alastor pretending to be "white." She doesn't even understand the concept of "white." She'll just think Alastor is hiding his true self or something like that and be pretty pushy trying to get him to open up, not understanding that she's asking him to throw away what was essentially his safety measures against extreme prejudice for the past century.

As for Lucifer, I think he would have a better understanding of human racism just based solely on the fact that he can be summoned to the human world, and has DEFINITELY seen some Fucked Up shit. Still, those summonings are under extremely specific circumstances and he definitely hasn't seen the full scope of the human world, so his understanding is still limited. So yeah, he and Charlie would be Confused. Like, often.

[utdrmv-confession-box]

Transcript: I guess the ending that Alphys suffer the most is the Queen Alphys ending.

Like...God. She lost almost everyone she loves: Asgore, Undyne, Mettaton, Papyrus, etc. She needed to be forced to tell the truth about the amalgametes to the monsters while the human was doing a massive attack, and maybe she even question if she deserved being forgiven and supported by them. She possibly blamed herself for a lot a things, like: Thinking that Asgore ( because she couldn't close Hotland somehow because of Muffet, and if she did that, probably the human wouldn't reach him ) and Mettaton ( because of his weak defense ) died because of her, having to see forever the consequences of the experiments she did, not being able to stop the human, like she said in that ending...

Gosh, she has a lot of responsabilities now. I don't know if after all that she was the Royal Scientist and the Queen at the same time or if she needed a new scientist. She needs to do a lot of things to make the monsters have hope again after this almost full Genocide route. And it's hard to have a mission to give them hope if your life was almost entirely destroyed. I just wanna hug her now.

[edward-munson]

I don't care | S.H.

Summary: Taking care of Steve after he was attacked by an army of demobats seems like a lot of work, only because apparently he doesn't like you.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x f!reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of injury, allusion to smut

Word count: 2.2k

☆°•○♡

"You want them spicy or not?" You ask Steve as you make nachos for dinner for both of you.

He's lying on the couch, on his back. He still recovers from the attack of the demobats. His neck is almost fully scarred, but the bites on his stomach and his sides are still painful. You've been laying low together for close to two weeks.

Your friends didn't want to make you team up with them to find Vecna and kill him. Not that you're not brave or strong enough to do so. But you're still pretty new to all of this and someone had to stay with Steve. So you didn't even bother opposing the idea, even though he's not your biggest fan.

God knows why, he never told his reasons. And your friends didn't know either. Maybe Eddie did, but he wouldn't open his mouth about it.

"I still think this is really unnecessary. I'm not a fucking child" He complains as he walks past the kitchen door, leaning against the sink.

With crossed arms, he looks at your food. You made chilli beans, guacamole and cheese sauce for the spicy nachos. You look up at him, trailing your eyes on his neck for an instant before raising an eyebrow to him.

"You can't even hold your own weight, Harrington. Stop being a crybaby".

Steve scoffs at you, but doesn't move an inch from his position. "Jesus, I wish we had another plan".

You drop the spoon you were using, turning your face to look at him. "I'm only doing this because they asked me to. Get off your own ass".

You leave the kitchen, walking out to the bedroom you were sleeping on. You were staying at his house. It's not like there were other options, but you couldn't refuse to stay there when he's alone and barely walking. Well, he can walk. The worst part is that he needs rest because of his wounds.

The past two weeks you've been quite getting along. Not that much, really. It's not like you were friends. Probably more like close acquaintances. Because obviously, he was the one pushing you away.

You didn't leave your room for a while, you were too annoyed to eat, and since it was dinner for the two of you, it didn't feel like you should eat anymore. You decided to spend your time watching something on the TV, which would easily make you get bored.

And then you would read books, or write stuff. It's been pretty tough lately since Vecna appeared. Max almost got killed and now she was staying at Dustin's house. The other kids were coming back to Hawkins to help, maybe Eleven might be able to do something about that.

You actually wished you were doing something fun. Like, taking a trip to the beach or snowboarding since it's fall and the weather has been cold. Your thoughts were pushed back by a knock on the door. Steve didn't open it and you didn't mention doing it either, so he just stayed there.

"Sorry I was an idiot" His voice came out muffled through the closed door. "I know I've been cranky and annoying".

You only opened the door after a couple of minutes, not exactly sure if he was still there. But he looked up from the floor at you. "You used to be nice. I mean, way before this curse happened".

He stayed quiet, because you were right. But what else can he do if the world was turned upside down (almost literally) again? And you almost got them killed once, not on purpose of course.

You were also the one to get too close to Robin and he hated seeing his best friend sharing her friendship with someone else. Because up until then, he was the only one she was the closest he had to a friend, even though he had a strong relationship with Eddie too.

None of it was your fault, but he grew annoyed over you. He couldn't lie to himself and say you weren't too kind and helpful. But he started to become extremely unenthusiastic over you through the year.

"A lot has happened since then. I'm trying to live up to the fact that we're against another monster again" Steve leans an arm against the doorframe, but refuses to keep his gaze at you.

"Which isn't my fault, by the way. Not to mention I'm the one who pulled you out of the watergate before you were eaten".

Another few seconds of silence, which was followed by a sarcastic nasal laugh. He shook his head and hung it low to the floor.

"Oh, you want a prize for that? Because I remember clearly when I didn't ask for your help!" His words were harsh, even if not intended.

But now you were the one who didn't know what to say. Until you feel the bitter taste on your tongue.

"Guess I should've let them rip your skin apart, then".

He saw the door shutting in front of him, cursing himself for being extremely idiotic and insensitive. He almost felt like punching his own face for that.

Steve heard you talking to Eddie that night through your walkie talkie. It was a little bit hard to hear because the reception was static for you. But you could listen to Eddie and God, you missed him and the others. It started to become unbearable to live with Steve. He heard you lament the whole situation, complaining about the way you were treating each other.

He was bitter about the things they were going through. He was angry he couldn't have done more. And he was taking it out all on you. He couldn't face another apology on the same day, because he knew he didn't deserve to be forgiven. Not right now.

The next day, he made breakfast by himself. It took you by surprise, but by the time you were up, he had already eaten. And you wouldn't want to eat with him either. You remember Nancy saying the bickering was just "sexual tension" but you knew it didn't have anything to do with that.

Even though you felt your ears burning from the thought, you couldn't deny to yourself that he was pretty charming. And seeing him shirtless whenever he would change the gauze made you feel weird. God, his hair was always pretty while yours looked like a bird nest after waking up.

The day seemed to have lasted longer since you haven't exchanged a single word to each other. He was focused on watching movies, playing video games and listening to music. He was getting bored out of his mind, but there wasn't much he could do being injured.

You, on the other hand, went out to do some errands. In fact, you didn't care you left him alone. You were getting tired of staying inside. So you went to see Max, and invited her to eat at Burger King. She seemed to feel better to do something like that too. Everything seemed pretty fuzzy lately.

Will, Mike and Eleven were pretty close to Hawkins. Thanks to Argyle who thinks he's a speed racer, and Jonathan who encourages him to drive long hours so they can arrive as soon as possible.

It was almost 7 PM when you came back home. You've finally had some fun after a week. You obviously couldn't be going out since they still haven't found Vecna and he knows about you too. The man in front of you seemed pretty pissed that he didn't see you were out until he woke up two hours ago.

"What? Don't give me that father look" You dropped your backpack on the floor and followed upstairs.

He's got a whole show prepared and he wasn't feeling like he would regret it this time.

"You know you can't just fucking go out and yet, you still do" He walked behind you, like a mother scolding a child.

"Yeah, dad. I know so. But here I am, back in pieces" You turned on your heel to look at him before closing your door.

Much to your dismay, he was faster this time, holding it with his right foot and right hand. Even injured, he was still stronger than you.

"No, don't push it. You can be an easy target for him, you know that?"

You huff, dropping your arm to your side. "Look, Harrington. I'm an adult, and I'm very aware of what I do or don't do. So please, just stop making a scene and leave me the fuck alone".

Steve couldn't even stand arguing with you anymore, it was so tiring. But he knew he would blame himself if something ever happened to you out there. He couldn't let this happen to you, even though you've been annoying him for whatever reason.

He took a step towards you, his hands balling into fists. The way your eyes were boring into him in an unamused face irritated him even more.

"Look, honey" His tone was purely sarcastic and you felt it not only in his voice, but in his demeanor too. "You know you're putting yourself at risk doing that. If I'm not fucking sure you're safe as well, I won't live with that".

At each passing second, you could feel him walking to you, but you couldn't walk back. You couldn't run from him, you couldn't get away from him. You wouldn't, you didn't feel like you wanted to.

"And not just because of my friends, they sure would kill me. But because I couldn't lose another person" You feel his breathing hitting your face, his eyes flicking as he looks at you.

He looks down at you with such intensity, it's crazy how there's a magnetic pull towards him.

You hold his gaze, feeling a cold shiver down your spine. He didn't look like he was about to snap at you, even though his tone was a bit loud.

He furrows his brows when he sees your lip curling into a smirk. "Well, Steve" His fingers move by the sound of his name, you always call him Harrington. "I thought you didn't care if I died or not".

This time, he was the one to smirk at you. "Honey, I don't remember saying I never cared about you".

Your stomach sank at that. Because now as you think of it, it comes crashing down as a realization that he never really said anything related to that. He truly never spoke about it.

"Doesn't seem like it"

"You see, this is why you annoy me so much" His nose bumps into yours, but he still gazes at you like he doesn't mean to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah? Then you should–" He doesn't let you finish your sentence.

Steve crashes his lips against yours, his hands flying down your hips. He feels your immediate reaction as you don't correspond right away. For a few seconds, he thinks he's done the wrong thing and almost regrets it, until you grab him by the neck with both hands. You wrap your fingers around his neck, your fingertips grazing the nape of his hair.

Your lips are smacking his lips in a hurry, while he runs a hand to cradle your face. He slips his tongue into your mouth and holds his breath when he feels your tongue moving in sync with him. He doesn't want to admit this is what he wished he could've done before.

Steve has been so stressed lately that he could only think about defeating Vecna. He didn't realize how much you were willing to take care of him these weeks. All he knew was that he also had to take care of you. And this is why he became so angry when you left without him knowing.

Especially because if something did happen to you, he would feel the regret of being an asshole to you.

He rips a low whimper from you when he gently grasps your lower lip by his teeth as he heaves against your mouth. You're both too absorbed into your own feelings, leaving grunts and gripping each other everywhere.

His fingers were digging your skin every time you would kiss his jawline and he was growing eager. He didn't want to look like he was trying to take advantage of you, only noticing now how much you also wanted this.

He then roughly pulls your shirt off, watching as your chest is quickly rising and falling. And his eyes sparkled when he saw your cleavage for the first time like that. Your bra perfectly hugging your round big breasts.

Steve didn't wait any longer, holding your waist and pushing you back against your bed.

That night, he pounded on you just like you dreamed about. He slapped his hips against your ass just like you wished someone would one day. The air was filled with sounds and lust.

You didn't even notice when your friends arrived right after he had an orgasm. You didn't have time to get dressed, only getting caught when Robin opened the door to you both naked. He didn't have time to remove his condom. She saw you naked. And worse. She saw her best friend naked.

And you thought it was going to be awkward, until Eddie turned the awkwardness into "I knew these idiots would fuck".

The night was all about this. They decided to leave the Vecna subject for the next day.

[bbuzz28]

Fiddleford is a liar.

He contextualizes his lies as being for the greater good-but he still lies.

I think people sometimes overlook this trait. Outside of calling him a two timer on his wife (Emma-May, I would treat you so much better, run away with me), it’s all pretty much treated as a joke. "Silly little banjo playing Fiddleford who goes crazy by scrambling his brains like eggs in a skillet after a monster attack." It's a very convenient compartment to slide him into without digging much deeper.

However, I think it runs so much deeper than that. To lie so effortlessly and all the time, it takes practice. I think he has been lying probably for his entire life-so much so that he doesn't even consider it to be lying. The entire foundation on what he eventually builds his cult is "helping" the townsfolk by "protecting" them from the "terrible" truths that surround them in Gravity Falls.

Only a practiced liar would invent something like the memory gun. Because at the end of the day, when you are lying all the time, you are able to convince yourself of the lies for a little while-but not forever. (If you are not a narcissist, which of all the things Fiddleford is, he is not that.) You will wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and remember what you did or what you are trying to cover up. The aspect of control over what at the time seemed controllable with a few false words now causing your heart to race, your breath to hitch, your head to ache. So, then you lie more, to cover up all the loose threads that would lead to what you've done. Eventually, you have dug a hole so deep, there is no end in sight.

The answer is simple-tell the truth, right? It would be the "right" thing to do...and it would shatter everyone's interpretation of you. Possibly dissolving any of the relationships you've built. Relinquishing control of the scenario you created. Because when you tell the truth, it turns into the "well, why would you do this?" conversation. Who wants to hear "because I wanted you to like me", "I didn't want to disappoint you", "I didn't want to make you angry" or "I wanted to be useful" in response? To see that look of utter disenchantment in their eyes as all your lies are revealed.

But....what if you could e r a s e the truth from your own memory? And not only your memory, but the memory of whomever you lied to. They would never have to know what you did. You would never have to face it. And you would never again be overcome with the feelings of inadequacies that triggered you to lie in the first place.

You wouldn't have to disappoint anyone, or yourself, ever again.

The Memory Gun started as a clever band aid to the trauma of the Gremloblin incident, yes. But it turned into something much more dangerous in the hands of an established and practiced liar.

[notmorbid]

the silt verses, pt. 6.

close your eyes. try and rest.

a god should not be able to avert her eyes.

what a terrible thing it must be, to be monstrous and not even know it.

how can you remain neutral when it's your property being blown up?

sleep well, when sleep comes.

no one's safe. you know that as well as anyone.

it's happening. just like we talked about.

i need you to know i love you. i love you so damn much.

are you afraid to die?

the road's always where i've been happiest.

everything burns out in the end. it has to.

we need to get you somewhere safe.

you must have an extraordinary heart, to carry so much in it.

i've never heard you say sorry.

i've got grievances. i've got questions i need answers to.

your voice is ____ than i remember.

you were always doing the best you could.

are you happier now?

i don't have much, but i'm everything i always wanted to be.

do you have a family out there?

do you enjoy playing the part of ____?

you'll find another part. you'll become someone else.

it takes courage changing anything.

you were always brave enough to know what needed to change.

you're not the center of all things, past and future.

you're adrift. just like the rest of us.

there's no more truth to your fragment than mine.

maybe you just need a little inspiration.

we're all going to die screaming that we're not really dying, and we're not really screaming.

hell of a view from the top.

can i share something with you, in confidence?

you trust me, don't you?

fuck it. let's take a leap of faith.

none of our problems have gone away, but we're still here. we're still surviving, somehow.

i'm becoming what they see in me.

i want you to be more than i was.

we all thought ____ was making you up.

i can understand wanting to keep yourself apart from other people.

life cannot inhabit a vacuum.

you're not a person, are you?

no blessing comes without cost.

is this kindness, or just a predator circling before it feeds?

can you hear the song beneath the song?

this is where it ends, then?

you have to be lying to me. that's all i can think.

will i see my friends again?

i feel good. i didn't dream.

i promise not to leave without saying goodbye, at least.

i have nothing and no one left in this world.

agreeing is easier than anything else.

what will you be, now that there's nothing left to become?

i've had decades of comfort. none of it made me safe.

i'll go where you lead me.

i will be better than they are.

you do not need to be afraid of me.

i will take care of you.

i am not what they intended me to be.

i can keep you safe.

i was honestly never too fond of families.

you wonder what kind of a world we're bringing children into, you know?

what can they do to us that they haven't done already?

they must not see you hesitate.

when you come for one of us, you come for all of us.

this is great. maybe i should've gone into acting.

you should have let me die.

kill them all, but let _____ live.

i'm not leaving you, you fucking idiot.

calm down, i said.

you can find meaning in anything, if you mess around enough with words.

it's just one thing after another, isn't it?

we can still fix this. this isn't our end.

i only want to live up to the lesson you taught me.

you think i tarnish my title, do you?

you have nothing to confess. nothing to be sorry for.

that's what people say right before they do something really stupid.

you probably know who i am, right?

i survived. i didn't think i would.

where are the tears of our god? where is its sorrow for us?

anything can be a stable foundation, as long as you've got enough cement.

all of us are capable of change. every single one of us.

i am not going to get better. nor will you. nor will any of us.

what do you think i'm going to do to you?

what did you want to be when you were small?

if this is my punishment, why am i smiling?

i did it. i'm to blame. i accept that.

how about what you did to me? can you bear that weight?

there will be a reckoning for what you've done.

you wouldn't be able to bear the weight, if you understood the harm you've done.

there's no way past it, and there's no way around.

it's a little like an apology, isn't it? explaining yourself?

we're entangled, you and i, in the ruin of one another.

hope is a twisting noose.

change will come. it has to.

we're all crawling grubs dreaming of butterfly's wings, told a fine tale by the birds above us. and while we're dreaming, they all come down to feed.

i hate you because i know you. better than anyone else has known you.

i hate you. i truly do. and i love you, too, in spite of everything.

i'm wise to what you really are. i can see the eyes beneath your eyes.

there'll be a place for you, and it will be beside me. that's my offering. that's all i have to give.

the best feeling in the world is seeing you walk away.

walk until you're lost to me. don't look back.

you'll laugh, i think, when you hear it.

i never really cared for any of you all that much, if i'm honest.

is it really such a bad thing, to be nothing?

it's never too late to change.

i'll wear whatever shape you choose for me.

no matter how it starts, it can end with love, can't it? it can end with kindness.

we talked a lot, but always about the wrong things.

you can find the beauty in almost anything, once you stop struggling.

it's not like ____ said it would be.

[love-too]

Hey little gay people in my phone, can you wish me good luck for tomorrow?

[redbeardace]

Fun science fact: Sunscreen does not prevent social anxiety.

[t-u-i-t-c]

"But I don't think I made the wrong call, back then."

[zoennes]

25 NOVEMBER, 2019 ✦ MAANDAG, 20:02

[pekoeboo]

man. I've been reworking a lot of content involving Act II of Home Is Where You Are and like. ugh. it'd work so freaking well in novel form but I just Do Not have the dedication or the drive to start from scratch and rewrite everything that happens.

idk how else to share the updated version of that part of the story with y'all tho, considering that Khalan's journal is insanely outdated now and isn't entirely canon anymore, so I'll probably just have to accept that I likely won't ever be able to update the story for y'all in the way I wish I could. >n<;;

[pankiepoo]

have you ever written any analysis of anything ii? would love to see it :-] especially any regarding fan's relationships to other characters

idk if it counts but i did write the personality section for fan on his wiki :D

I dont have any clear written analysis of anything except how fan would react upon meeting bot but I think a lot about many of his relationships and how he works but nothing specific I can think of rn but I would consider myself to know him Very Well to a point I Could probably write an analysis on him but I'm Not the best at it <- guy who is terrified of how it'll be received by the public

(iii neg in the tags oops)

[immortalsins]

if i pull the 'yes i'd like to hang out, would be really nice in [specified group setting]' and then if he tries it again i'll suck it up and do the 'i don't want to date you sorry'... solid plan or cowardly copout?

[kerosene-saint]

I feel like Arcane has definitely messed up people's perception on how mobility aids like crutches and canes are supposed to be used to best benefit the user.