#eveeything is so wrong

[museoftheprophet]

The mirror shows me a strangers face and my skin fits wrong and I have been sobbing for hours and it is so bad it is so bad it’s so bad I wwant to wake up I hate it here I hate this body I hate it here I hate it here I hate it here

[sick-as-a-dog]

×

[mikuhats]

I dont like talking ab arcane rn nc im in a awkward position of having not finished my s1 rewatch and also not having watched the latest episodes so i feel like eveeything i could possibly say is wrong

[mccarthymolly]

Trying to ed,no , told to do ev so bd eveeything js philosophizing hv nthng say, bs into job then leisr when hv or busy wn hv b stay ba,uh ok,

Abused to dth,

Tying end so ange u,n uh,

Lactose not controversial, milk, gnu

Nerv9us. Js show up nontal,k,,y,

Btwn short n medium, like had a few inches, idk my hair flat but not buzz,h,k,uh,maybe an ich, alot compared to buzz

Bdy technically ww uh,m,o,k,h,j,

Somehow your wrongs that are bad arent worse than your great rights, feels forgiveable idk,uh,k,u,,thanks

H m ku o jkhj

Ok,nc prof,uh,n,o,uh,madu,h

Gift,uh,

Wwhm, regret. U know who is. Uh course. Look off h,m,u,hy,u

Shoudler ok,,k. H

Agn,y,this tm ,rem,h j uh,agn,df,smaller,hm,, n u,fasted, h m,i,h

Bt answe r d,nm,,uh

Indi n soc,dk,uh,

Hate but on ok dk uh ww g no h

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

.

[sufandomgirl]

Amphibia Soulmate AU Fanfiction 1 Part 14

!Swear Warning!

Andrias x Leif

{As Leif searched frantically, for anyone, the ground around her continued to shake. She had to find them. She saw her other children make it to the shelter, she just had to find Belle and Oak. Andrias had mentioned proposal the other night, and she didn't want to give him the wrong idea or startle the kids, so she just said that it was too soon. In a way, it wasn't a lie. Oak still seemed hesitant. She didn't even know if she was ready to be married again, yet.}

Leif: (running through tunnels) Come on, come on!

{She heard voices, but an old reflex made her recoil and hide so that she could be sure of who they were. To her relief and shegrin, it was Belle and Oak. Andrias interjected, trying to stop Belle, who'd started it, but it was too late, Oak...told them eveeything. She knew that it would come out, eventually, but not like this. She stayed behind that rock, unwelcome flashbacks suddenly flooding her mind. She heard Andrias mutter under his breath.}

Andrias: That bastard!

{What was she going to do now?}

[thisdreamplace]

I wanna shift timelines but i keep worrying about things going wrong. I want to stop micromanaging eveeything but it's so difficult

Well first of all, I've said this before and I'll say it again. When you approach manifesting in this way, you're thinking of it like it's a sci-fi movie. You're failing to understand you're literally already shifting timelines, quicker than a second. To our human minds, it all seems to be linear but it's not at all. It's your misunderstanding of this that keeps you in the illusion of being in the same timeline. All manifesting is really doing, is allowing us to learn how to shift more consistently into the experiences we want, because all possibilities exist now. It's up to us to tap into them. And nothing has gone wrong, because it's natural and normal and you can't stop. It's not like a sci-fi movie, where if you make a certain choice all of a sudden things are falling apart and you need to go find the solution and all that overdramatized stuff. It's not like that at all.

So perhaps by beginning to accept this understanding, you will be able to let go of needing such a tight grasp on this idea of micromanaging. Because the truth is you cannot micromanage anything. You cannot control the 3D, by trying to forcefully manipulate it. You can only change yourself within and the 3D will follow you.

Hopefully this helps! 💖

[alohdark]

Everything is too heavy

And it hurts

And im tired

Im tired of recovery

Im tired of being optimistic

Im tired of trying

Things werent easier before

But at least they were familiar

I can't even self sooth anymore

Its all wrong

Eveeything is wrong

Im just so fucking tired

[fragmentwitch]

Episode 21 livebloggin

VIER??? AS IN VIER DREISSIG FROM CICONIA?

Nice Ciconia reference bro, I was wondering when/if you'd start advertising that novel.

Idk who Mitsuyo is though. Doesn't ring a bell.

Idk that codename either. Stop speaking in riddles Not-Featherine!!!!

So it seems like even she is just a piece. I know Ryu said "yall dont need to read Umineko to get this" but that doesn't mean he's not going to use similar language to things said in the original novels like "This is the Devil's Script"... he's always kinda implied some sort of higher power is cursing everyone to bad endings. But I digress, I don't want anyone to foam at the mouth thinking abt that lol

So she's like Hanyuu and can give someone the ability to loop directly. After a long time? Uhhh ok ig

LIKE THAT WIELDED BY THE CAT? HOLD UP.... SHES TALKING ABOUT RIKA/FREDERIKA

"I dont get it, I dont understand a single word of this!"

Same, Satoko. She just dumped some 4th wall exposition at you and I'm totally at a loss even as a viewer who knows pretty much eveeything. No amount of required reading has really helped me make good theories anyway with Gou. I'm just an observer so don't look at me to help girl

FUCK YOU MEAN DONT WORRY ABOUT THE COST, SHE HAD TO KILL RIKA HERSELF BECAUSE OF YOU! A YOU DIRTY BITCH!

Im so sorry Satoko, you weren't even given a choice in all this. Please dont take it out on Rika... pls i beg u, the horned lady is the enemy! :(

Ok now I'm certain the OP is actually a back and forth between Rika and Satoko. Originally I thought it was about Hanyuu and Rika but I quit thinking about that after she disappeared. The duet the girls had kinda gives it away huh

I legit don't think Rika is aware of Satoko's feelings at all... "I don't remember what you're talking about" is a line she used on Rika... so it sounds like she resented rika up until Rika apologized. This scene makes it clear that Satoko is more upset about the way Rika treated her in favor of her new school life more than the fact Rika wanted to leave.

Wait a minute... WAS THIS NOT MATSURIBAYASHI? WHY DID SHE MAKE THAT FACE? WHATREE U UPSET ABOUT SATOKO HHHH

Ok so this is a repeat? Getting big Madoka vibes, I dont like this... Aw, Satoko. Rika is sadly set in her ways, with how defensively she kneejerked a reaction to her. I didnt realize the first time around Rika started studying right after dealing with the Yamainu, so it seems that Ryukishi retconned out pretty much the post-Matsuri OVAs where they'd have fun (Rei and Kira, and more importantly Saikoroshi-hen). Rika was kinda mean saying "if you wont come with me then FINE I'll do it by myself"... I hope this'll get those "Satoko bad" redditors to let up on her now lol. Telling you, both girls aren't 100% right or 100% wrong here. There is always both sides at fault to nearly every tussle like this.

Satoko bought the book anyway. Rika really is her soft spot. But Satoko, taking away her study time also isn't a good solution... though, I cant tell if Rika is also looper here. Rika never could just pick and choose what fragments to go to, but if Not Hanyuu gave Satoko a more refined looping ability, then Satoko could easily take Rika's soul with her to the next world. But that means Satoko has to also ensure she dies, and that falls pretty consistently with all the early deception arcs. Satoko was never shown to die til after Rika (or at the same time as Rika), it didn't really matter who'd kill Rika. At this moment I'm still fairly certain Satoko hadnt killed Rika herself til the ritual.

So it seems like Rika is compromising with her friends, at least. But I get the feeling it'll lead to either failing the entrance exams or her becoming resentful of Satoko intentionally swaying her all the time.

This Rika promises, but I'm guessing she doesn't actually fulfill it. Or she does and gets killed? Idk. I dont believe this for a second lmao

It's just a hug girls, wtf lmfao. I know Yellow is Sus but...

Bruh. Damn nevermind, Satoko, you're fucking nuts!!! You definitely take after your Nee-Nee huh.

Anyways he's really laying it on thick for the "Lambda is Satoko" believers!!

[protect-anthony-edward-stark]

TONY DIDN'T DESERVE THAT i have so much to say omg i can't stop crying i HATE them so much

"the only way for tony to be at peace"

so first, you convey the message that someone with anxiety and who does everything to protect the people he loves constantly, can only rest by DYING, and will never be happy. which is a very bad thing!!

secondly, after all the pain traumas and suffering he has been through and endured, during all these years, Tony deserves to rest ALIVE with his wife, his daughter, peter, his friends, HIS FAMILY, in his home, surrounded by the people who love him and will take care of him.

"it's surprising that it's Tony (who sacrifce himself)" "it's also exceedingly heroic of him"

WTF are you fucking kidding me?? Tony has already sacrificed himself in every single movie!! he's ALWAYS the one who does everything for others, even if he has to suffer or die. HE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER!!

"inevitable"

you killed him just for the shock, it's NOT a good end, it's lazy writing, and it's not what he deserves. there were other ways to end this. Tony has NEVER been selfish. he has always done everything to protect others and has always been ready to sacrifice himself.

"why shouldn't it be Tony, without whom there wouldn't be a MCU, who gets to do the deed?"

why?? WTF OMG???

first of all, as you just said, Tony created the MCU and carried it for 11 YEARS, you owe him eveeything, and without him you would be NOTHING. and how do you thank him??? instead of giving him the happiness he deserves but has never been able to have during all these years, when you only gave him pain and suffering and suffering and suffering.. you kill him!!!??? you're making him lose everything!!!???

secondly, because it's ALWAYS Tony who suffers the most, since the beginning. he could NEVER be happy. he was abused, he lost his parents, he had been betrayed by his father figure, his friends only criticize betray him, he hates himself and blames himself for everything, he's suicidal and thinks he doesn't deserve everything good, he had health problems, ptsd, nightmares, anxiety attacks, he has lost people.. and then, he finally had the family he had always dreamed of, and the possibility of being happy.. and he didn't want to die, he didn't want to lose them.. and YOU KILL HIM OMG???!!!!!! he didn't deserve this end!!! how could you do such a thing?!!!!! he deserved to finally retire and live happily with his family!!!

"steve rogers tells tony he'll never be the guy to make the sacrifice play"

yes, and steve rogers was totally WRONG, Tony had already sacrificed himself twice before steve told him that, and he sacrificed himself a lot of times afterwards. he didn't have to do it again so we'd know he's selfless.

"Tony is no longer the most important thing in Tony's life"

OMG OMG WHAT THE FUCK????!!!!

you don't know Tony AT ALL!! how can you say THAT??!! Tony ALWAYS put others before him, and never care about himself. it's so obvious that you killed him only because you hate him. it's so disrespectful cruel HORRIBLE and unfair. HE DIDN'T DESERVE THAT!!!

if you don't bring Tony back to life, even just for a few moments, to show us that he's alive and safe, i will NEVER going to watch anything related to Marvel anymore, and i'm totally not the only one.

AND THE WRITERS SAID THAT:

"We had the opportunity to give him the perfect retirement life, within the movie" Markus to the New York Times

WTF?? they want us to thank them or what?? i can't believe it "a warm sendoff" "perfect retirement life" when?? for 5 years tony suffered from the loss of peter and when he brought him back and could have been happy, you killed him!! just say you hate him it's obvious I HATE THEM

tony has suffered since he was born!! 48 years!! and they think making him happy for 5 years is enough?? "doesn't feel like a tragedy" what? he died and lost his wife & daughter and that's not a tragedy?? I HATE THEM i'm so mad I'M DEAD tony deserved to see his daughter grow up!!

OMG WTF?? no reason to keep him alive?? i can't believe it.. tony spent his life suffering and doing everything to help others without receiving anything in return, and he finally had what he always dreamed a wife a daughter a family.. he bought Peter back.. there was ALL THE REASON to keep him alive!!

@RobertDowneyJr @MarvelStudios i beg you BRING TONY STARK BACK TO LIFE

it can't be his end!! it's impossible, he has a family, he can be happy, he can't die, you can't do that after all he's done for everyone..

⬇️ PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION TO BRING HIM BACK ⬇️

http://chng.it/8gbc9jrh9g

https://www.change.org/p/marvel-bring-tony-stark-back-to-life-savetonystark?recruiter=541367696&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition

@MelineStark pinned tweet on twitter if the link doesn't work

[mentallyrecovering]

1-10

1) I refuse to put myself out on tumblr sorry!

2) my future kids will be kaylee penny Eleanor and Dwayne

3) I miss my mama and dad 😭

4) i really want this semester to be over with I’m looking forward to not waking up at 8am every day to listen to lectures

5) my family can always make me smile!

6) I haven’t had a significant other in 6 years so I just have trouble getting over friends from my past

7) my life was shit last year I took a medical leave from school was on the wrong meds close to just giving up! So I’ve come a long way

8) im a Fucking cryer to eveeything when I get mad I cry happy I cry sad I cry mad I cry I’ve cried in class because I was confused I cried a lot in math class

9) I last saw my sissy and brother!!

10) my face turns beer red at any emotion so I suck at hiding any emotion also as I mentioned I cry a lot 😂

[scenessystem]

rant about family life time

Open secrets are i think the true thing that links all abusive familes (along with trauma)

Like we all know my dad hits my mom. I just watched my mother be hit like we all know

We all know me and my sister have both tried to commit suicide

We all know about my dad's addiction. People who just like beer don't get yelling angry when someone doesn't bring it home. They dont give it to 10 year olds. You don't sigh because thats another bottle on the floor

We all know how much he insults and underminds us. We can only complaine lightly. Never talk about a pattern, never be really upset then its just too far

We all hear the yelling, ive sat with my sister covering our ears. But nothing is wrong right?

My mom pinned me down to the bed in her derillum but we don't say much. She rants about silly scissors for hours so we can't sleep but we dont say anything. Doesnt matter that me and my sister habe been scared when she gets like that but we dont do anything

We don't say suicide, ptsd, bpd, anorexia, binge eating disorder, depression, abuse, rape, or assault. sometimes depression if wete lucky. And if we come close its about someone else or the science never about us

We dont talk about the multiple times ive almost died even when others we're with me in the room

Why talk about how many times my dad threatend our family dog and how that sent us to tears

Why mention when our mom threatend to leave us

I think that's like a thing. We all know somethings wrong but we dont say it. Eveeything is always fine inside. Were not even dysfunctional other people are. We're normal never mind the pain.

Ya feel?

[malika-carnelian]

⚙️|| ╰ « Uh.. oky doky! » - Malika was quick into avoiding that part of the argument, afterall if everything was alright, there shouldn't be any reason to do some lectures. Not that she has the power to do so, the youngster wasn't indeed Agent Fowler.

╰ « Ahhhn that's why, maybe you thought I was one to tell Agent Fowler when something is wrong, or reporting his words while you all are not here to listen » - she shrugged slightly, smirking a bit, « Not that is a wrong thought, buuut... here's a little secret! I'm on your side, mostly. » - a small laugh came out from her lips along with the blink of an eye, before thinking at Arcee's question.

╰ « Everything seemed to be alrighty, I mean... I did some updates to the software and I tried it, so eveeything should settled and more easier for Ratchet to use our prehistorical devices, haha~ » -a little point of irony before adding something more, « anything you can do... I don't know... mhhh » - the girl began to think at something, beforeher stomach started to growl.

A small blush turning her cheek reddish, « Well... the only thing is that I forgot my lunch box at home, but it's not wise to leave this place the both of us. Not until someone will be back in a short amount of time. .»

malika-carnelian​:

╰ « Wow… » ��� it was stunning, definitely stunning to see such a beautiful Kawasaki turning into a tall and elegant Autobot; the eyes of the girl gazed at Arcee, analyzing every part of the body out of curiosity, before looking at the bot’s face with a stiff expression.

╰ « Traffic regulations… ? Humans breaking those rules? » — Malika blinked twice in surprise before shrugging slightly with the shoulders — ╰ « Well… it’s not a surprise that my own kind doesn’t stick with the rules, but why are you telling me this? » —the look on those turquoise irises resembled those of an innocent puppy.

╰ « I mean… it sounds like you are totally under control of your own actions, am I right? Or did something happen? » — asked with a calm but worried tone of voice, not a single sign of nervousness or frustration unlike Agent Fowler, even though the small one was trying to hide that shy side of her.

   ✾    ─    As soon as she realizes the human isn’t there to confront her about something happening in the field, the femme relaxes visibly, and quickly shakes her helm. ❝ …ahh, nevermind.❞

It is better there are no more questions about that - there may have been close call, but it was quickly dealt with. Instead she turns question towards Malika. After all, Optimus often trusts the femme to be the second in charge, she decides to handle whatever the case - if there is any. Or just inquire what she is doing in their base.

    ❝ Usually when agent Fowler is here, something is up, he has eyes everywhere it seems… but everything is under control. So, how about you, everything all right? If there is anything I can do… since others are still out and I am the first arriving, consider me at charge. ❞

[tc-me-up]

Idk whyy- 11.1.2018

Okay im going to start putting dates on here so when im a old granny i could come here and look back at eveeything.

Sooooooooooo idk what im doing or why im doing this but Im striaght up ignoring X. Like on Tuesday there was like no inteeaction in class and at lunch time i went to my friend who was studying in his class and I talked to her in my country's language that he doesnt understand. And he looked annoyed and I know he would be cause what would be expected from me is to include him in my convo.

Like i came into the class and i was like "life sucks."

Then he laughed and was like "whats wrong"

So i told him that I still don't understand what my english essay is about and then he got distracted by a student asking a question so i continued with my friend. Then when he came back I didn't switch. Like i few times I would purposely talk in English for a few sentences then he would join and say a comment so i would reply to him and then not talk in English again.

_________

Then yesterday,

Let me tell you that I looked amazing. Wore a new sweater, my hair was cooperating, and I looked really nice!

So we were watching a movie and once again 0 interaction. At one point he cracked a joke and then people laughed but i kept my head towards the movie and I didnt laugh and he looked at me, looked at the movie, then looked at me again, then looked back at the movie. Basically waiting for a reaction.

Like I know what I'm doing is mean but I just dont want to talk to him. Like Im tired of him. Like i dont looked forward to his classes anymore, I'm just done with him.

I think its the fact that I want him to stop thinking that Im crushing on him, so I wouldnt have to over think things like "is this too obvious?"

I could tell he doesnt know wth is wrong with me and why I'm acting that way. Its either he's pissed off at me or saddened by it. But I have no time to striaghten my mood now because I have a few finals next week and then a week break then finals again and I'm way too stressed to focus on anything.

[robbiethezombie-support-squ-blog]

The Zombie and The Magician,Chapter 2

Well it’s already 02:44 here so…I’m jist going to leave this here… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Warning: this chapter it’s even weird!) Also check out the chapter 1!: https://robthezombie-support-squad.tumblr.com/post/164385772587/the-zombie-and-the-magician-chapter-1-repost

Later on that night

“Well thanks for the visit doctor! Is great to see you!” Says marvin “Great to zee you too Marvin zhe magnifizent…And Rob” Shcneeple looks at rob still siting at the couch looking at the flowers “Are you even zure to keep zhis zombie here? Vhat if he atacks you?” “OH shut up…I Think he wouldn’t hurt anyone…” says marvin “Ok….If you or rob need any help…Just call me….Good evening marvina” Says schneeple walking back to house “BYE SCHNEEPLE!” Says marvin and then closes the door and looks at rob,So You wanna eat something? Rob looks at marvin “…” and marvin says “Not me! I’m not your lunch!…what you want yo eat?” Marvin brings tob to the kitchen…Rob opens the freezer and starts eating everything…He doesn ’t like most of the foods but…Some othr foods he thinks it’s actually good… “Ya know…I Thinl that milk you drinked is rotten” Marvin pick the milk “Yes….God i need buy more food!” So the zombie goes to the couch and continues to looks his flower… “It was…you thay put this on…my grave?” And marvin sighs and says “No budd…I think it’s a mystery that you’ll need to know….maybe someone that really liked you leave this for you…” Rob looking at the flower and starts doing a bunch of questions for himself “Who Give me this?….Who…Who Am I? Who… am i suposed to be? I Can’t even remember…who i was?!” The zombie starts to get even more confused and marvin “Maybe we should do a search…Do you want to remember?” The zombie opens a smile and says “YES!” But marvin yawns and says “well…We will do it tomorow…Ok? I need sleep…” the zombie’s smiles desapears “Ar…you….serios?” Marvin replies “I SWEAR! I can’t do my spells without a good night…And i think you need a rest as well…” and the zombie looks at marvin and says “Sleep….Is…or the…wek…” Marvin picks a pillow and gives to rob “No it’s not…Also…I Really need to teach you how to talk aparently…Also I’ll do ir tomorow,I Promise i’ll “Fix” you budd…Good night robbie!“ Marvin says going to his bedroom,The zombie lays down and thinks about eveeything happend…Why Marvin wants to help a zombie that doesn’t even remember how to talk,And wants to eat everything he sees?

In the Next Day

Rob wakes up and goes to the kitchen and sees marvin doing the breakfeast "Hey rob! Want cofee?” Rob confused says “cof?” Marvin gives a cup of cofee to rob “I don’t know if you zombies like cofee so…i make cofee for you anyway….” rob stare to the cup a moment…And drinks “…FUUUUUUC…SO HOT! SO HOT!…Ugghh….Burne my tong….” Marvin picks a cup of water “Needs water?” Rob picks the cup and looks at it… “Ok then…Bath time” Rob throws water at himself “Noooo…it’s to drink…God sometimes you so stupid…��…….And i like it…..” marvin gives another cup of water to rob,And rob drinks it…After a whike rob finally drinks his cofee again without burning his rotten tongue… ;) Marvin goes watch Tv,Rob sits on the floor and keeps poki g the tv and Looks at marvin and asks “What…are ya…watchin’ ?” “Ham,Supernatural…” “Oh…Can i…eat that?” Asks rob… “BUT YOU JUST HAD BREAKFEAST!” Marvin says “Ok…” says the zombie…

Minutes later Marvin was reading his Book to see what got wrong in the spell…And he notices that one of the pages of the spell was removed from the book “Ooohhhh….Ok….Just when i thinked that was a little bit easy to do hehe…But…Now How i’m going to fix rob? God i’ll not rest until i help him” Marvin looks at rob “Watcha…Ya…Reading?” Asks rob….And marvin says “Some fantastic spells…” “..Fantast…?” Rob bits the book “ROB STOP! I ALREADY SAID THAT MY BOOK ISN’T FOOD!” Marvin pushes rob “Soryeh…” Said rob… And Marvin thinks “Maybe I should for now help him to remember everything…”

After a while,Marvin decides to go back to the cemetery and goes to Rob’s Grave,As he goes he finds more flowers droped to his grave until the exit… and he sighs “Fuck,Someone now know that his body desapeard…Well at least,Nobody knows that he is a zombie…Nevermind,now let me see his grave…. "Born: 02/06/1987….Died: 08/05/2017….Wait…Is it weird that the date that he died is the date anti tried to kill Jack and Shcneeple? Nah it’s just coincidence…” Marvin keeps looking in Rob’s grave to make sure he finds something to help him to know what happend to rob,and who he is…But then he hears a young woman asking “who are you? What are you doing?”

[bloodsoakedfangs]

When she struggles and puts her head to his back he rolls over to hug her close. They never really talked like this and he tears up. He laughs at the suggestion.

"Yeah... I wish I could remember. It sounds like the worst nightmare. More than that. I'm glad we got everybody back. But that don't take away from what I did. We keep sayin' it wasn't me but...

I got... power hungry. Full of myself. Thinking I could... I dunno... Be a god."

He wipes his eye.

"I didn't consider you enough. I didn't consider the consequences and I was selfish and younger. And dumb." He swallows. Knowing all of this may not make anything better. But she was pushing herself to be honest. So he was doing his best to reciprocate.

"Truth is... I spent my life hating myself. Being told I was wrong. And a sick pup. That my mind was poison. I thought... if I became, The Black King..."

He breathes deeply and exhales slow.

"Maybe it would be my... true purpose. Maybe I would make sense for once. Not just... Be fucked up and wrong. But I... I almost lost it all. And now, I miss my old self. My old mind. I don't feel right. I feel like it messed up my brain, my memory. In general, it's hard to remember things. The more time goes on, the more eveeything is bits and pieces.

It scares the shit outta me. I'm scared that one day I... won't remember nothin' at all." He sniffles and wipes his eyes. Crying softly.

bloodsoakedfangs​:

“Wouldn’t have to be so scared of me…” He mumbles. He sighs.

“I try to fight it now. I used to run towards it but I fight it. I feel like I bloodied up and stained my life up so bad that it’ll never be clean again.

And I feel like I do the same to yours.

But I love the hell outta you. If I ever did anything to hurt you, I know Salvi will probably kill me.” He took comfort in that fact. He takes her hand.

“My mind ain’t like it once was… I used to be real smart and have a lot going on there. Now I feel like I’m a clock running on the last of my batteries or somethin’. Without magic being the same, I feel different.”

“It’s….” Mari didn’t know how to describe what exactly she was afraid of. Riley attacking them was such a sticking point in her mind. She couldn’t stop herself from going back to that exact moment when it felt like everything was falling apart. As much as she understood that Riley wasn’t himself, he was the one she saw every single time.

“I’m not…scared of you, really,” she started. She didn’t know where she was going with this, but she had to say something. “I understand that wasn’t you. It’s just….” She forced air between her teeth, squeezing his hand. “It’s the idea of you getting powerful again. Watching you kill Florence was….” She knew that bringing that up might make things worse, but she needed to make it clear.

“You weren’t there when Gabe died. When the hounds died. When Salvi almost died. It was like watching that all over again. And I just…I reacted without even thinking. My brain had to catch up later. My reaction wasn’t your fault.”

She breathed in. She was shaking now, not wanting to tense up to stop it. She couldn’t put up a wall to hide this. She could do this. She had to do this. “I just…I don’t know. I don’t know how to handle it anymore. I don’t want to keep going back to that. It’s not fair to you. I handled the Viper thing by just…shoving it away. Pretending it didn’t happen and not thinking about it.” It was so much easier when Viper wasn’t around anymore.

“I can’t do that with this. I…I don’t know what to do anymore.” This was something she’d lost control of. She buried her face against him again. She didn’t want Riley to see her watering eyes. “I don’t want to treat you like an addict about this.”

She knew she had. She’d snagged books away from him so fast that she couldn’t imagine how he’d think she thought otherwise. With him feeling so lost, and her acting like he was the scariest thing in the world, she couldn’t be making things any easier for him.

“I don’t know,” she repeated, swallowing. She let out a laugh that was thick with tears. “Maybe we need to kidnap a therapist or something this time. A magical one.”