#maybe he will be happy again and want to be around me like he use to if i keep trying to be happy and stop being a sad wounded beast

[luvyeni]

⚔️… ( drabble ) never let you leave ! ୨୧ 一 이희승 ՞

⸃ ⸰ ⌁ ヾ

yandere!heeseung・ reader ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ g ・ smut ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ cw ・fingering , manipulation wc ・ ‎0.8k ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎| ‎ ‎click to library

request. y/n & heeseung are on a break from their relationship even though hee opposed SOOO to get her to come back he kindof stalks her & makes her feel unsafe so she asks him to come back & protect her .. . ??

「 ୨୧ authors note 」 im a little rusty with yandere i hope you like it !!!

he was too controlling, he never let you be; always calling when you were out with friends, or out at work — or just in general he was always calling. he did this under the premise of “there are bad people out there” or “im just trying to protect you.” you could take it anymore. so you broke up with him, told him you just needed space.

he didn’t take it well at first; and you expected that. he cried, begged you to stay; he said he couldn’t live without you — that probably would’ve worked in the beginning, but you were tired. “i don’t even feel safe with you anymore heeseung, being with you scares me more than anything now.” and with that you left him.

he left you alone after that; you didn’t even see him anymore, in fact you didn’t see him for almost a month after that. his friends said all he did was stay home and play games, which made you sad, but this was for your happiness, so you couldn’t just back down. “as long as he gets the help he needs i wish him nothing but the best.”

heeseung in fact wasn’t getting the help he desperately needed. in fact he was getting worse, he was dying without you; he felt like he couldn’t breathe because he wasn’t near you — well not as close as he wanted to be.

you began to feel it a month later; you let your guard down, and that’s when you began to feel like you were being watched. you tried to ignore it, but it was hard when it was all the time, even in your apartment. you began to close the blinds. but that didn’t work, you felt like you were exposed in your own house.

“it’s heeseung isn’t it?” you friend said, you shook your head, quick to defend the boy. “no jake said he’s getting help.” what you didn’t know is that heeseung was always one step ahead of you, watching you. waiting for you. he saw your every move; even in your home with the cameras he installed.

you couldn’t take it anymore; you felt like you were going insane and nobody believed you, they thought you were just exhausted from work or something. “you just need sleep.” how could you sleep if you felt like someone was watching you!

you began to think maybe heeseung was right, maybe he was the only one that could protect you. maybe the world was too dangerous for you. which is why you found yourself knocking on his door. “poor baby.” he saw your tired state. “you look so tired.” he smiled to himself as you let yourself in. “i can’t sleep, i can’t go out alone, im scared someone will hurt me.” you rushed to say. “didn’t i tell you that?” he said. “you didn’t listen, now look.”

you wrapped your arms around him, and he wanted to hug you back; but he had to teach you a lesson — don’t ever think about leaving him again. “hee im so tired.” you looked up at him with those eyes. “yeah?” he said. “let’s get you to bed then.”

he guided you back to his room, laying you down on his bed. “please don’t go.” he smiled, laying next to you. “im not.” his hand was resting on your stomach. “i won't go anywhere.” his hands now moving. “you can just stay here with me.” you moaned softly. “heeseung.” he kissed the side of your head. “you don’t even have to go out, i’ll make all the money and spend it on you.” he said cupping your heat. “fuck you’re so wet.”

you couldn’t believe you fell for again, allowing his fingers to explore your insides like before. “you missed me?” you nodded. “use your fucking words.” he growled. “missed the the way i held and protected you.” he said. “the way i fucked you?” his fingers curled, hitting the spot that made you moan. “fuck hee please keep going , i need you.” you cried out. “need you so bad.”

he sped up, your hips following his movements. “you’re mine, everything you do is because i give you permission to.” you’d complain if he wasn’t fucking your open with his fingers. “you understand, you’re mines, your body is mine, your mind is mine?” you were desperate, ready to cum. “fuck yes hee im yours.” you screamed. “i’ll never leave again i promise.”

that was all he needed, before he whispered into your ear. “cum.” and it was like your body was finally at peace, your mind too. “hee.” your breathing was heavy from your orgasm, eyes heavy from your long exhaustion. “shh, go to sleep.” he said. “when you wake up we can handle me okay.” he held you softly in his arms. “im fine holding you just like this.” you slowly drifted off to sleep in what you thought was the safest place at the moment — but you couldn’t be far from wrong.

because you in fact were sleeping right in the arms of the reason you were feeling so unsettled and by time you woke up you wouldn’t be able to do anything about it… you gave yourself to him.

you were his now, all his and was never gonna share you again…

©️LUVYENI

[stoopidpigeonxx]

To the anon that suggested Curly Manhandling..

here bookie <3

NSFW MINORS GO AWAY

Curly’s quite the big fellow. He knows it, too. He’s always flexing his arms in front of you to show off his gym gain and taking every opportunity to show off his impressive build. You don’t mind it. It’s a bit of a turn-on, knowing all that is all yours. But the best part is when he uses that muscle he worked so hard on to fuck you dumb. He knew you liked to be manhandled and took that to heart, scooping you up and throwing you over his shoulder whenever you suggested taking things to the bedroom. He adored the squeals and giggles from you when he did. Filled his heart with a sense of pride… or maybe he just adored his sweet girl. His favorite method was pushing your legs up to your head while he pounded into you, seeing the very slight bulge of his cock outlined in your stomach when he thrusts. You’re soaked and gripping him like a vice and he could die happily right now, buried 9 inches inside you. He’d hunch over to quicken his pace, hands pinning your wrists up by your head. He’d love looking at your fucked-out face, the slight drool pooling at the corner of your lips, your slightly crossed eyes, mouth parted in an O shape. You looked so pretty like this. He wanted to take a picture and frame it, hang it above his bed so he could see it every day. Your face was amazing, but it came in second only to your moans. Your beautiful, sweet little noises. Whines of his name, pleas, whimpers, all of it spurred him on. Hearing his name from your mouth was music to his ears. “Yeah, baby? Wan’ me to go faster? Harder? You got it, lemme take care of you.. Sweet thing.” “Fuck, you’re takin’ me good… g’na make me come quick..” And you took it like a champ. When he did pump you full of his kids, you took every drop. He’d let you fall back and observe his come leaking out your poor cunt. But he’s not finished, ladies and gents. Oh no. He doesn’t normally do this out of fear of hurting you, but when he’s particularly stressed and you’re just offering yourself.. Full Nelson time!! Yup, he’s got your back pressed flush against his chest, ass against his pelvis, cock thrusting in and out of you. He has an arm locked around you to hold you in place, and his other’s holding up one of your thighs for a better angle. You find this position the hottest because he finally gets to be rough with you.he begs to differ, but as long as it makes you happy, and it really does. “Fu-uck, baby, keep movin’ like that, i gotcha.. Mhmmm. Feels so good..” He’s babbling praise into your ear while he destroys you, the gentleman that he is, and making sure to kiss you everywhere he can. Soft little ‘sorry’s on your skin. He feels bad for being so rough with you, but he can't help it when it feels so good. Even he’s moaning like a girl now just from the euphoric bliss of being inside your sweet little cunt. And he’ll keep going, until he’s filled you up with at least 5 loads of his come. He wants to pump you full of his babies in hopes he’ll start a family with you. But, more likely, he’s just obsessed with seeing you leak his seed out of your abused hole. Either way, you’re full of him, a reminder of what he does to you. You’ll certainly find it difficult to walk tomorrow, but it’s worth it. He’ll take care of you, since it’s his fault you’re in that state, poor thing. And he’ll do it all over again when you want him to! <3

[mywritersmind]

NOT SO HAPPY HOLIDAYS - LN4

↳pt.5

christmas special

part one - part two - part three - part four

summary : As the days start getting closer to Christmas, you find yourself even more comfortable with your previous enemy. In a drunken spirit and ego boosted from karaoke, Lando can’t control his words. Even when Max finds you two in bed together.

og summary : Spending Christmas with my brothers best friend isn’t my ideal way to celebrate. With my parents in the maldives and my ex calling me non stop, I was hoping for a small town cozy christmas! I was going to get that with Max and his girlfriend until Lando Norris worked his way into the mix.

listen up : dual pov! alcohol! swearing! drunk lando!

words : 3334

⋆｡‧˚⋆

“Lando. Listen to me.” Oscar says over the phone, his voice registering in my brain but being distinctly distracted by two women taking instagram photos next to me.

“I am listening.” I mumble, watching Y/n turn and smile at the camera. My phone vibrates in my hand and I see that Oscar has requested facetime instead.

“What?” I look at the man who’s sitting in the sun and probably at the beach, “Can you pay attention for two seconds? I don’t want to be talking about work either.”

I sigh, turning away from the girls, “Can I ask you something?” I walk farther away just in case they can hear me.

Oscar groans at me still being off topic, “Shoot.”

“How did you know Lily fancied you?”

His brow jolts up, “I mean, We were pretty young, I just remember that she spoke to me a lot and she-” Lily pops her head in the call now.

“Don't listen to him, Lando! He was absolutely oblivious even though I was literally a giggling school girl around him.”

Oscar looks at her lovingly, “You were quite smiley.”

“Okay wrap it up lovebirds.” I roll my eyes.

Lily leaves and Oscar looks at me quizzically again, “So, who do you like so much that would possess you to ask that question?” I stay quiet for a moment, glancing back at Y/n who’s backlit by the sun, “Aren’t you with your family? Or Max and his girlfriend right?”

“No one. I’m just curious.” Deny deny deny.

He hums, “Wait… Doesn't Max have that sister you stalked all year-”

“Okay bye Oscar!”

He scrambles to get words in, “Wait we still need to talk about-”

I hang up on him.

⋆༺

Max and I have been kicked out by our the women. More like I was kicked out and Max was just craving a coffee. It’s not my fault I can’t cook!

After almost catching Y/n’s hair on fire, I was banished to the little coffee shop that’s been getting us through this week.

The barista hands us our coffees and one hot chocolate for Y/n. Max and I walk slowly to our car, looking at the scenery on the way. “I’m excited for Christmas.”

I smile as Max hums, “You’re awfully chipper.” He gives me a side eye and a smirk, to which I promptly shove him, “Ugh! I do not want to know!”

He laughs, “I know that P teases you about it, But I really do think a girlfriend would be good for you.”

I don’t just want a girlfriend. I want Y/n. I kick a rock at my feet, mumbling, “Yeah I doubt that.” I meant that he wouldn’t want me to have a girlfriend if it was his sister, just he scoffs.

“Think about it! This year was completely fucked and yeah a lot of good shit happened but imagine how much easier the bad shit would be if you were in love.”

“You’re disgusting. Us ten years ago would be gagging at this conversation.”

He’s smiling still, “Yeah and that’s because I am in love.” I roll my eyes at his cheesy ass, “How do you have no roster, mate? It’s honestly embarrassing.”

“Maybe I do.” I sip my coffee, “I don’t have to tell you everything.”

“Maybe i’m just hanging out with Y/n and P too much, their best friend girly vibes are fun.” He points to me, “Still, it’s break! Get your groove on!”

I walk faster, shaking my head. “Groove? I’m going to leave you in the snow.”

⋆༺

you

I’m in a mini dress in the snow. What could go wrong?

I slip five minutes out the door which makes Lando’s arm become my new best friend even though my faux fur coat keeps tickling him.

We may or may not have pregamed for the tiny local bar which has me slipping on ice. “Four jolly jolly shots please…” Lando reads off the bar's menu, laughing a bit.

He looks good. Like really really good. His curls are perfect as usual and when he leans over to talk to the bartender, his dark green shirt tugs against his arms.

My brothers arm goes around my neck, tugging me and laughing, “Merry Christmas, sis!”

“Let go of me you vermin!”

“Shots!” P sings, handing me mine.

“Cheers to us!” Max grins, holding his tiny glass up.

“Cheers to Christmas.” P smiles happily.

Lando taps his glass on the table along with us, winking at me, “Cheers.” We all down the weird peppermint alcohol and swiftly make our way to the dance floor.

We sing along to shitty music and dance together in a crowd of college kids home for break, and their parents.

Lando’s hand finds my waist and is quickly slapped away. He gives me a pouty look which I find annoyingly attractive and quickly turns it into a smirk.

I down my drink, spinning back to my friends and dodging a guy and his friends. “Hey!” The guy smirks and I accidentally laugh in his face, he looks about five years younger than me and is staring at my chest.

I find my friends laughing and drinking with a random man who sort of looks like santa.

“Y/n!” Lando puts his arm around me which I promptly pull off.

“Aren’t you busy trying to hook up with a tourist?” I blink at him while my brother and P are distracted.

He leans in a bit, “You’re a tourist, aren’t you?”

“You trying to get in my pants, Norris?” This makes him smile.

“I’m familiar with the area.”

I find myself at the bar again, but this time I order water. P and I giggle at the sight of Max and Lando just standing there looking lost without us.

“I’m really proud of you.” P says out of the blue.

I frown, “Thanks? I’m proud of you too.”

“I just mean… you’ve been through a lot.” I know what she means. My ex. “And you’re the best person I know.”

I smile, “I adore you, P.”

The truth is, my ex cheating really did break me. But I already knew something was wrong. I wasn’t being treated correctly and honestly breaking up with him was not on the top of my to-do list.

P was always there for me, my brother is a lot to handle and sometimes I just need a girl to talk to. That girl for me is P.

She pops back to her boyfriend while my water gets refilled. I swear this altitude is fucking with me, i’m so thirsty all the time.

“Hi.” I'm about to yell at the college guy who approaches me, until I realize there is no way this man is under twenty five.

“Oh! Hi.” I smile politely and tap the bar.

I clock his douchy attitude as soon as his ringed hand (which definitely came from shein) and patchwork tattoos land on the bar, clearly flexing.

“You’re gorgeous… Sorry, I just had to tell you!” He acts shy, like it’s horribly embarrassing to hit on. woman.

“Thank you…” Is all I can say before he continues.

“I’m Seth!” He’s australian… I think? He’s got short hair with dark skin that makes his eyes pop. “Are you visiting? I am.”

I nod and sip my water, “Yeah…”

“My girlfriend used to live here! My friends let me choose the place and…” He’s going on a long rant that I definitely did not consent to hear.

He’s loud in the way that i’m embarrassed to be heard with because he’s talking nonsense and trying to scoot closer to me with every word he speaks.

I bring my glass to my lips again, looking around then back to Seth who is still talking about his ex. Did I do something to offend the universe?

The hand on my hip scares me, but I don’t jump. I know the feeling too well by now. Lando’s smiling at the bartender, a protective arm around me, “Three green tea shots, thanks.”

He leans his hip against the bar, holding me close as my cheeks go red and I start chugging my water. Seth looks absolutely astonished, “Who’s your new friend, Sunshine?”

“Seth.” I say, swirling my straw around the cold glass.

“Hey man…” Seth looks scared. “I- I didn’t know she was taken.”

“She’s not.” He’s quick with it and I have to bite back my smile to contain myself from embarrassing Seth even more.

“Oh…” Seth hums, clearly wanting to go but I know Lando’s doing that thing where he states blankly at someone while smiling. “Well uh…”

“Choose your words carefully, Seth.” Lando slides him the shot then hands one to me. I decline and he downs it easily.

“Thanks.” He downs the drink with Lando, “And sorry.” Seth looks at me before scurrying off.

I turn to Lando, his hand never moving from my body, “Who knew you were so intimidating?

He shrugs, “I don’t mess around with the people I care about. Plus he just seemed like he was bugging you.”

“Quite talkative.” I smile softly as he laughs, “You’re good at the whole protective act.”

“Who said I was acting?” His face is serious when he says it, but immediately changes when he hears Max’s voice.

“Yo!” His hand drops to his side and he smiles at my approaching brother, “They have karaoke!”

P and Max end up on stage exactly two drinks later. I stick to water, my head already hurts from the others singing.

They're singing Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, and sort of slaying it. Max spins P as they both laugh and pretend they’re at some sort of concert.

“Please get up there!” I giggle with Lando, my hand on his arm as he smiles at me in that dreamy way he does so often.

“No way, Sunshine.” His eyes lined on my lips, his words a bit slurred.

“Please, Lan?”

A smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, “What’ll you give me if I do?” My breathing quickens as he looks at me, drunk and so out of it that he looks like he’s about to kiss me.

I reach my arm out to fix the messy bit of his hair. His eyes follow my hand and drift down my arm back to me. There’s something so personal about the way he looks at me but it’s hard to explain.

He’s got many different expressions and maybe I'm just a bit self centered, but I swear he has some just for me.

He’s drunk now so all secrecy goes out the window. He’s lucky Max and P are singing so horribly on the tiny sticky stage.

“Whatever you want.” I pull my hand away, “When you’re sober, though.”

“I’m not even that many drinks in!” He scoffs in a whiny tone.

He’s five drinks in I think.

“But i’ll do whatever you say apparently.” His chair makes noise against the floors, practically pushing P and Max off the stage as his chosen music starts.

Linger, by the cranberries.

My smile grows as he starts, absolutely butchering the song immediately. He looks fucking free and absolutely ridiculous.

The microphone against his lips as he spins around and points to me, “You’ve got me wrapped around your fingerrrrrr!”

It was my favorite song in highschool.

He’s a terrible singer and incredibly drunk but knows all the lyrics by heart.

Max starts videoing and Lando flips him off, P is actually in tears and I feel a sense of calm and quiet happiness. It’s weird to think about, especially surrounded by sound and drunken people.

Still, I really do appreciate my friends in moments like these. I watch Lando on the stage again, his eyes are closed and he’s singing along quietly.

Most of the bar claps when he’s done, providing him false confidence even as he almost falls from the stage.

Lando slumps himself in the chair next to mine, Max and I speaking about old Christmas’ and how weird it is that so many things have changed.

P talks about her family traditions and how she’s happy we’re all together even if it is a bit unconventional.

Lando stays quiet, just hums along to the music and keeps his eyes closed. Max laughs at his friend, “Ready for bed, Bob?”

“I can drive back.” I sit up.

Max and P aren’t quite ready to go and assure me that they can take a cab. Lando, however is piss drunk and giggling at everything I say.

He holds onto my hand as we leave, the cold air hitting him like a wreck, “Ay!” He practically runs to the car, tries to get in the driver's seat, and finally gives in to me driving.

“I don't want to go back!” He complains as I drive off.

“We can… look at lights?” He nods eagerly and rests his head against my arm, his fingers drift up and down my arm, doodling invisible drawings.

I drive through the small neighborhoods, all quiet for the time of night. The lights are bright and nothing like where I actually live.

Lando slips his hand in mine, holding it tight and looking out the front window. I let him rub his thumb against my skin, acknowledging the goosebumps it sends up arm.

Maybe I let myself pretend like it means something more than Lando’s drunk touchy self.

His curls brush my bare arm because he requested I take off my coat and turn the heat up instead because it was ‘itching him’.

And I did it because something about Lando makes me just want to say yes.

“I wanna house like that.” He says, pointing to a medium sized white home. It’s got colorful lights all over and a tiny display of Rudolph in the yard.

“I like this one.” I take my free hand off the wheel for a second and point. It’s across the street and covered in white lights.

I keep driving as Lando turns the radio on which is playing Christmas music.

He hums along with the song that he most definitely doesn’t know.

His hand goes to my hair, twirling it around his finger as he looks up at me, doe eyed, “Can I have my reward now.”

“You’re nowhere close to being sober, love.”

He stops when I speak, whispering as if there’s a million people around, “You called me love.”

“You’re not even gonna remember this tomorrow.”

He gasps, “Tomorrow's Christmas eve! What a good present. You love me.” He hums and rests his head back against my shoulder.

“Keep dreaming, Norris.” I say while smiling.

We look at all the different lights, rating them and laughing. I mostly laugh at drunk Lando who can’t stop laughing.

Lando rolls down the window and even though it’s freezing, I let him. It’s silent out, except for our music on low.

“Do you like me?” Lando asks as I start back to our place.

I raise a brow, “Sure.”

“But do you?” He looks up at me but I don’t dare look down.

“I don’t hate you.”

It’s easier to get him into the house than it was to get him in the car. Besides a tiny slip, he laughs it off and instantly pulls his shirt off when we step inside the hot house.

We both stumble upstairs, I'm so tired that I could fall asleep on the floor. Yet I drag myself into the bathroom and remove my makeup and change into sweats and a hoodie.

Lando is in sweats now, leaning against the bathroom door as I brush my hair. “I can’t sleep.”

I laugh, “You haven’t even tried.”

“Come with me?” I shake my head, going to my own bed. He follows me still, catching my wrist and begging, “Please. I’m cold.”

“You have no shirt on.”

“I want you to.” He admits and for a second I wish he wasn’t so fond of Vodka.

I’m dragged into his bed, his arms wrapping around me quickly and humming against my hoodie, “You’re warm.” His hand goes to mine again, holding it.

“You’re gonna get us in trouble.” I say as I see the smirk on his face.

“The doors locked.”

His hand is still intertwined with mine when he looks up at me. I probably look terrible, but he just smiles.

“You’re really beautiful, Sunny.” His voice is clear and the softest it’s been in a while, especially while drunk.

He yawns and rests his head back on me. Lando whispers while his eyes are closed, i’m not even sure if he meant to say it out loud, but he does. “I hate you for it.”

It’s the first time his words really hit me.

“Why?” I whisper, staring up at the ceiling.

“You know.” And then he’s asleep and i’m stuck with a man cuddling me who I think I just might like more than I ever thought I could.

⋆༺

There’s few times in my life where I completely regret my life’s decisions. This might just be one of them.

Max is staring at us with his mouth open.

Max is staring at Lando’s shirtless self and his bare arm that’s around me!

I elbow Lando so hard that he wakes up with a groan. “Five more minutes.” He tries to pull me closer but I slap him again.

He opens his eyes this time, at first they’re narrowed at me as if I had the audacity to wake him up. Then he turns his head to what i’m staring at and promptly sits up straight.

“Goodmorning, Max!” He grins.

“Shut the fuck up.” My brother responds, Lando’s face goes slack and lays back down, covering his face with a pillow, “Is this why you two wanted to leave early yesterday?”

“No!” I say right as Lando says, “Yes!”

“I think I'm going to throw up.” Max starts pacing while I see P peek her head in from my room, surveying the situation as I mouth ‘help me’ and he leaves me.

“Chill out! Nothing happened.” I say while Lando moans and reaches for the water on his bedside table. “Right, Lando!?” I hit him again.

He sends me an annoyed look, “Right.” He takes a drink, wiping his mouth and looking at Max, “Trust me mate if something did happen she wouldn’t be wearing anything.”

I think he might still be drunk.

Max and I scream in unison. I climb out of the bed, my leg getting stuck in the bedsheet.

“I came to check if you two were still alive because it’s eleven in the morning, but Lando’s door was locked. Yours wasn’t and your room connector was wide open!” I roll my eyes and stomp into my room.

“His drunk ass practically dragged me in there and I wanted to sleep!” I shrug, putting on my slippers and pulling my bed head hair into a messy bun.

“My head is pounding, can you two be quiet!?” Lando says from the other room.

Max follows me down the stairs, “Nothing happened?”

“Nothing happened!” I echo, finding P in the kitchen and sending her a wide eyed look, “He was drunk, Max.”

I pour myself some coffee, crossing my arms as Max gives me a look. Lando comes thumping down the stairs, hoodie on now with his hair an absolute mess. “Guys…”

Max stops him, “If you make another sex joke Lan, I might kill you.”

“Hey!” He groans, taking my coffee from out of my hands and drinking it! I roll my eyes and pour myself another. “I was just going to say-”

“Choose your words very carefully, Norris.” I mumble.

“Happy Christmas Eve.” He raises his mug, smiling at all of us.

“Oh.” Max blinks as P lets out a little snort.

“Well then…” P smiles at me, “I think it’s time to cook!”

[moonstruckme]

Hey Mae!!! I saw that the requests were open so I thought I would request something but if I misread it or something then please ignore this!

I was wondering if you could write something with reader not used to being taken care of? Like they have always taken care of others and have never had the opportunity to be taken care of so when someone else does they feel the need to do something for them in return? I was thinking of maybe Remus for this one? Or maybe a poly! Ship but you can write whoever you want!!

I understand if this is not a topic you would like to write about but I just love your writing and thought I would give it a try. Thank you for reading this anyway and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

(Sorry it’s such a long request)

No you were right lovely! Thanks for your request :)

roommate!Remus x fem!reader ♡ 625 words

You pad into the kitchen, blanket around your shoulders and half-dissolved lozenge tucked into your cheek, to find the sink clear of dishes yet again. Guilt grows like winding vines around your ribcage. 

You put on the kettle. Stand over it as the steam starts to rise, breathing in the thick air and imagining you can feel the pressure in your sinuses lessening slightly. You make a cup of turmeric tea with honey for yourself, and English breakfast for Remus, stirring in a tiny bit of sugar the way he likes. You’re careful to keep it well away from you and your potential contagious-ness while you carry it upstairs. 

You knock softly in case, but Remus is awake, as you knew he’d be. 

“Morning,” he says, looking up from his book with a smile. The sight of him, sleep-rumpled and happy to see you, is almost too much. His eyes flicker down to the mugs you’re carrying, eyebrows lifting. “For me?” 

“Mhm.” You pass it to him, ignoring his soft tutting when you turn it in your grip so the handle is facing out towards him. 

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he says warmly. He blows steam off the top, honeyed eyes on yours. “I should be the one getting up to make you tea, really. How are you?” 

“I’m okay.” You shrug, taking a sip of your tea. The heat dissolves your lozenge faster, double soothing for your throat. “And you’ve done more than enough already. Sorry about the dishes.” 

Remus’ expression clouds with confusion for a moment before he realizes what you’re talking about. “Oh, I don’t mind. I wouldn’t be doing dishes if I was unwell, either.” 

“Thanks for doing them for me,” you say softly. Or you try to, but it ends in a rasp, your throat contracting against a cough that doesn’t form. You clear it embarrassedly. 

Your roommate’s brows bend with sympathy. “Don’t worry about it,” he tells you. “It’s really no problem. You don’t need to bring me tea just because I did a few of your dishes.” 

“I want to make it up to you.” 

His expression softens. “There’s nothing to make up, love. It’s not a debt that needs to be repaid.” 

You frown, chewing your lozenge. “At least let me make you breakfast. Is there anything you’re craving?” 

“No.” Remus smiles at you. Not quite confused, almost disbelieving. “You don’t need to make me anything. You should be resting.” 

“I’ve been resting.” You sniff, wincing at the pain it sends through your head. You’ve been either in bed or on the couch for days, and meanwhile Remus has been cleaning up your messes, keeping quiet so you can sleep, and bringing you soup from that place you like down the street. 

“It’s my turn to help now,” you say. 

“It’ll be your turn when I’m poorly and miserable.” Remus sets a hand to your forehead, humming disapprovingly. You use every scrap of willpower you have left not to melt into his bed. “Listen to me, alright? I don’t mind looking after you. It’s not transactional. I washed your dishes because they were there and I had the time, and—” He gives you a playful look. “—because I know that if I were up all night coughing, I wouldn’t want to worry about dishes. Okay?” 

His eyes hold yours. You feel perhaps the most out of it you have since this illness came on. Drunk, almost. “Okay,” you capitulate. 

Remus smiles. “Thank you. So you can stop trying to think up ways to get even.” He picks up his tea. “I can see that head of yours working. Leave it alone, it’s going through enough.” 

You smile back, caught. “Thanks for all your help.” 

“Don’t worry about it, love.”

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Welcome to the neighborhood

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles, day 22

Prompt: Santa

Rated: T

Tags: No UD AU; Single Dad Steve; Single Dad Eddie; Steve is Dustin’s dad; Eddie is Max's dad; Neighbors; Christmas

Steve presses the doorbell for the third time, secretly wishing he'd put on his coat - or his outdoor shoes at least. Nobody has bothered removing the snow from the walkway leading up to the door, and it's seeping into his slippers and socks. 

“Maybe they aren't home,” Dustin says, voice slightly muffled from under his scarf. 

Steve scoffs, mentally cursing Carol for talking him into this. “I saw the car pull into the garage, they're here.” 

He's just trying to decide if he should rap his freezing knuckles against the milk glass pane or tell Carol to go fuck herself when the door swings open, revealing a girl around Dustin’s age. She's sporting a vicious scowl and a shock of violently orange hair. 

“Oh hi,” Steve says. “Are your parents home?” 

She gives them a long, pointed once over. Steve in his slippers and too-thin shirt and Dustin in his knitted Minecraft hat. 

Then, without turning, she hollers, “Dad! It's the hottie from across the street.” 

Somewhere in the house, somebody drops something. There's a barrage of swear words that makes Steve wanna cover Dustin’s ears, and then a whirlwind of black clothes and frizzy curls descends down the stairs and almost barrels into the stack of half unpacked boxes in the hallway. 

“Jesus Christ, Maxine! Sorry about that, I dunno what she's on about.” 

The girl rolls her eyes.

“You said it. Own it.” 

The man glares at her. She grins. 

“Hi,” Steve says again, bravely ignoring the heat rising under his collar. “Nice to meet you. I live-” 

“Across the street. She just said it,” Dustin provides helpfully. “Hi, I'm Dustin, this is my dad.” 

The girl gives him a lazy wave. “So, what do you do for fun around here, Dustin?” 

He shrugs. “I was about meet some friends, throw snowballs at cars. You wanna come?” 

“Ew, lame,” she says, grabbing her coat off another box. “Let's go.” 

Steve watches them disappear down the street, already deep in conversation about something or other.

“Well, then.” The other man extends his hand. It's adorned in clunky rings and covered in paint stains. “Do I get a proper introduction, or are we doing that thing where we refer to each other as Max's and Dustin’s Dad until it gets awkward, but by then we're too embarrassed to ask so we just skirt around it and say ‘hey, you’ for several years?” 

Steve is snorting a laugh before he remembers he's supposed to be mad. 

“Steve,” he says, taking the offered hand. It's pleasantly warm after the frosty air. “Welcome to the neighborhood.” 

“Steve,” the man repeats, and something about the way it rolls off his tongue makes a different kind of warmth settle in Steve’s chest. “Hi, I'm Eddie. What brings you here on this fine- oh shit, should I ask you to come inside? My kitchen is still very much a work in progress, but I got the coffee maker running yesterday, so I could fix us-” 

“It's fine,” Steve lies. He's starting to lose the feeling in his toes. “I just wanted to- … I'm here on behalf of the Home Owners’ Community.” 

Eddie tilts his head at him. “There's a Home Owners’ Community?” 

“Um, yes,” Steve says, raking a hand through snow-soaked hair. “Didn't you get our welcome pamphlet? It has this chees- … um, cheery picture on it. Happy family in their yard with their dog?” 

“Oh, that!” Eddie’s mouth goes round. “Yes, I got that. Threw it out. Looked culty to me.” 

Steve gawks at him. He smiles.

“Culty,” Steve repeats. He fucking told Carol the fucking photo was too much, but did she fucking listen to him? 

“Yup,” Eddie confirms cheerfully. “Why?” 

Steve laughs weakly. “Nothing, just- … I think that's pretty damn bold, coming from someone whose idea of a Christmas decoration is this!” 

Eddie follows his sweeping hand gesture to take in his own front lawn, like he's seeing it for the first time. The giant, inflatable Santa swaying cheerily in the snowy breeze. The grinning crowd of plastic skeletons dancing by its feet. Some have pitchforks. 

The whole spectacle is rounded off by a wooden sign, hand-painted in bright red letters. 

It reads HAIL SANTA. 

“Oh yeah,” Eddie laughs. “You see, we didn’t get around to doing anything for Halloween this year, what with the move, and it's Max's favorite holiday, so-” 

“Yeah, great,” Steve says. “But the Homeowners’ Community has rules, and they clearly state that Christmas decorations must be-” 

Eddie pats his cheek. His hand is even warmer on Steve’s face than it was against his fingers. 

“But I'm not part of your little club, unfortunately.” His tone is all honest regret, but the quirk of his mouth and the laugh lines crinkling at the corners of his eyes tell a different story. “And I'm not gonna join, so there's nothing you can do to stop me. And if she has an issue with that, I suggest chairwoman Carol Hagan come over and say it to my face, instead of hiding behind your back. Not that I blame her. It's a nice back.” 

“But you said-” Steve sputters. “So you did read it!” 

“You should go home now,” Eddie says, not unkindly. “Don't wanna be seen getting friendly with the likes of me. Plus, you might lose a toe if you stay like that.” 

He nods down at Steve's soaked slippers - they may be unsalvageable by now - then starts to close the door in his face. 

“Wait,” Steve says. Eddie does, peering out from behind the door with large, hopeful eyes. “Does that offer for coffee still stand?” 

Eddie’s eyes light up. So do the led flames surrounding Santa's ghastly entourage. 

Carol can mind her own business, Steve decides. He'll get friendly with whoever the hell he pleases. 

More holiday drabbles

[peachhcs]

samy coming out to san jose again and getting to see a game of wills and meet all of his team, and maybe they are lcuky and the house is empty as the family is on a trip so they are home alone…

i love #2!!

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

samy, gabe, and ryan take on sj together to visit will for a weekend!

wc: 7.8k words (omg)

WOW i got so carried away with this i think this is my longest fic ever on here? i’ve been trying to write this for literally 3 weeks and i finally finished it :) sometimes i just write and then i end up with 7.8k words oops lol. there's also no smut in this (sorry anon) bc this was already crazy long, but if u guys want a separate post of it, lmk and i will provide lol. anyways, hope y'all enjoy!

au masterlist

the san jose mineta international airport was bustling with people as samy, gabe, and ryan stepped off their gate. the two boys immediately shedded their coats once the humid temperatures hit their skin, especially with how many people shoved their way through—it made it feel hot really fast. samy glanced down at her phone where she texted will that they just landed.

"holy shit it's fucking hot," ryan mumbled, already fanning himself out.

"i told you it would be hot. i think will's outside waiting," the girl informed and began leading the way to the exit. this was only her second time navigating the airport, the first time will managed to get them out so she just hoped she wouldn't get herself lost.

the three were excited for the weekend ahead. after weeks of planning around three hockey players' schedules, the four managed to find a weekend before the craziness of the holidays picked up and world juniors began to visit their old friend in his new stomping grounds. gabe and ryan hadn't been yet, so the two were looking forward to a good game of hockey on saturday and spending the rest of it with their best friend.

luckily, samy was able to easily follow the overhead signs straight towards the exit. it was helpful that they didn't have any bags to pickup and just flew with carry-ons. when the three made it to the already long pickup line, their eyes scanned for will's bronco.

"i see him!" gabe pointed towards a tall blonde and brunette leaning against the car waving their hands. a grin spread across each of their faces as they made their way towards will. he met them in the middle, hugging samy first.

"hi, it's so good to see you here again," the blonde squeezed her torso, a large grin on his features.

"i missed you. it's good to see you too," the brunette hummed and quickly pecked his lips before gabe and ryan started arguing for their turn to hug will.

she stepped aside to let them have their turns, hugging macklin in the meantime. "hey hughesy, long time no see," the younger brunette chuckled.

"back at ya, mack," she ruffled up his hair and caught a glimpse of the other three boys group hugging one another. the sight brought another smile to her lips seeing them reunite and the genuine happiness on their expressions.

"jeez, i can't believe you live here now, smitty. you got it good," ryan patted his shoulder.

"i could get used to the warmth. it's like 40° in boston or something," gabe shared the sentiments and the wide smile on will's lips made samy's heart explode with joy.

"welcome to luxury for the weekend. let's get in before some car honks at me," will pulled everyone back to the car where he helped get everyone's luggage into the back.

"shit, this is fucking nice. you wanna share some of this with us?" ryan patted the side of will's car, admiring how sleek and pristine it looked compared to his mom's suv they all used to drive around in michigan.

"we can split 50/50," the blonde teased.

"you're gonna be living in luxury future mrs. smith," gabe commented as they climbed into the car, samy obviously getting the front while the other three squeezed themselves into the back.

both samy and will's cheeks flushed hearing gabe call her "mrs. smith." she glanced over at her boyfriend who smiled sweetly at her, reaching over to squeeze her hand. hearing mrs. smith sent crazy butterflies through his chest because he could not wait until the day it was finally true.

"ew get a room," macklin called when he watched their exchange and his friend's large blush.

"fuck off," will mumbled earning a joint laughter from everyone. samy just squeezed his hand back telling him she didn't mind the teasing while also shooting a glance back to macklin who just shrugged.

they pulled out of the pickup line, escaping anyone beeping at them to get moving. will got onto the main road and the two boys in the back suddenly became amazed at how summery everything looked still despite it being in the middle of december. the palm trees stood tall and the warmer breeze felt so refreshing on their skin compared to the harsh boston wind on the other side of the country. samy drew her window down so even more breeze could come through and her hair quickly flew back against the seat. will's gaze swept over her figure, a glowing wave of happiness on his features having his girlfriend and best friends in the city he called home for the weekend.

"so what are the plans for this weekend?" ryan wondered.

"well the game's on saturday, but tomorrow we have all day to do whatever you guys want. some of my teammates wanna meet you all. you especially," will nudged his girlfriend's hand.

"me?" she raised her eyebrow.

"you're the talk of the locker room. eklund and bordeleau especially wanna meet you," macklin explained from the back and the youngest hughes' cheeks flushed.

"wow, i'm flattered they wanna meet me," the girl chuckled.

"they gotta make sure the wifey is up to their standards," gabe snickered and nudged her shoulder. she rolled her eyes a bit, wondering where this whole "wife" thing was coming from.

"also the fact that you were a hockey pro in your past life and with your brothers being in town tomorrow they wanna meet all of you guys," macklin added.

it was shaping up to be a very special weekend in the silicon valley. the devils were coming to san jose for the redemption match from a few weeks ago and the sharks were eager to prove themselves to their fans in the sap center on saturday night. having the devils in town meant 3/4 of the hughes siblings were gonna all be together and will couldn't be more excited to have some of his closest people at an arm's length for the first time in awhile. samy, too, was excited to see jack and luke who she hasn't seen since summer ended. it was really gonna feel like a michigan summer for three days.

"hey, wait, can we make a detour to the beach?" ryan quickly spoke up when he caught glimpses of the billboards that had the beaches plastered all over them that made him instantly think of sinking his feet into the warm sand and splashing around in the ocean.

"you wanna go to the beach?" will caught his friend's gaze through the rearview.

"i know it's out of the way but i haven't been to the beach in so long. come on," the brunette encouraged.

"i mean, okay. i don't have my swimsuit or anything, but sure," the blonde chuckled and quickly shifted lanes to take the exit towards santa cruz.

"who cares? we've made you jump into water with your clothes on," ryan laughed and will remembered fondly the time he jumped into someone's pool fully clothed on a dare.

"mind you that was my pool," samy cut in and the boys grinned.

"all the more reason then," will took the exit towards santa cruz.

it added another 45 minutes to the drive, but it was worth when as soon as will parked the car on one of the side roads ryan and gabe were rushing towards the water. will let out a laugh as he let them go ahead. "come on," samy urged, tugging her boyfriend's hand as they followed after them.

with it being december, the sand was the perfect temperate on their feet. it wasn't too hot like it usually would be during the summer where they couldn't even stand on the sand without having shoes on. gabe and ryan's shoes and clothes were lost the closer they got the the water and by the time samy, will, and macklin made it down, the two were splashing each other in nothing but their shorts. a laughed escaped the three's lips watching their friends tackle one another.

"i'll race you guys," samy said as she began stripping herself of her own clothes, not caring about being in her bra and underwear in the middle of the beach. will's eyes went wide when her top came off and her pants quickly followed. he swallowed thickly seeing her in nothing but her underwear. macklin didn't hesitate joining her though.

"last one in is a rotten egg!" macklin exclaimed and ran off ahead.

will quickly snapped out of his slight daze to rid himself of his shirt and pants, racing down behind his girlfriend and macklin. he tried reaching out for samy, but she was faster and made it into the water before will could get his hands on her. he admitted his defeat of being the last one in.

"loser gets splashed!" gabe exclaimed and immediately kicked water in will's direction. the others followed suit and the poor blonde was drenched in seconds.

"okay, okay," he called for them to stop, wiping his face off.

"god, i could live here forever," ryan fell onto his back like a starfish as he floated atop the light waves.

the blonde's gaze fell to samy again and this time he was able to reach her and bring her into his arms. she giggled at his quick affection and the longing look in his eyes he directed at her. "what?" she hummed, flushing as she watched his gaze dip below her face towards the rest of her bare skin and then back up.

"nothing. i'm glad you're here. i love you," will leaned down to kiss the top of her head and squeeze her hip.

"i love you too. can't wait to see you play in your home arena," she brushed some of his now loose, wet curls away from his forehead.

"mhm, i can't wait to see you up in the stands. i've missed seeing you there," it was still a hard adjustment for will to go from having samy at every single one of his games for two years to her not being there at all unless she visited. he always thought she brought him good luck whenever she was there.

"i've missed being there," she lifted herself onto her tiptoes to give a wet kiss to his cheek. the blonde blushed and tugged her even closer into his side like if he let go she'd disappear.

"guys, what did we talk about. no pda around us," macklin teased again and the couple flushed. samy stepped out of her boyfriend's grasp much to his dismay and reluctance to let her go, a small frustrated sigh leaving his lips.

"you get used to it," gabe chuckled, winking towards his friends. "i spent every night listening to them on the phone together last year."

"hey, you got to talk to me everyday," samy argued a bit.

"you're right, i did and i enjoyed getting to say hi to you every night," the dark-haired boy agreed.

the five spent another fifteen minutes splashing around before deciding they should head back or else mrs. marleau would start thinking they got lost on their way back to the house. will managed to find some old towels in the back that everyone dried themselves off with.

"thanks for this, smitty. that was fun," ryan said once they were back in the car.

"of course. glad i could fill your beach desires," the blonde smiled and got them back on the highway towards san jose.

for the rest of the ride back up to the silicon valley, the five filled the car ride with everything that's happened so far. gabe and ryan told stories of all the parties, the girls, the games, and the classes which definitely made will and macklin miss being in boston as college students. the rookies went back and forth talking about san jose so far, but all of it were things already talked about through facetime or over the phone. they started talking about world juniors coming up and ryan's possible captaincy.

"dude, you're totally gonna get it. no doubt about it," macklin added and the others agreed. they knew how hard ryan's worked all year in addition to being alternate for boston this season, there was a really good chance he would make it and gabe would be an alternate.

"don't jinx it guys. they won't announce it for another few weeks," the brunette shook his head a bit while also brushing off the praise because on the inside he was really excited and confident he'd get captain.

"jinx it? it's basically in the bag, lean. you're gonna get it," will laughed and the topic of world juniors got all of them talking about who they thought would win the tournament this year.

the marleau home was about to be completely full this weekend with ten people in the house, but christina and patrick didn't mind. they loved having friendly faces in their space and any friend of will's was a friend of theirs. the boys were excited to talk to patrick about his experience in the nhl knowing he'd have great advice for them whenever they made their transition.

after dropping macklin back off, the four of them were greeted similarly to how samy was greeted when she came three weeks ago. patrick was off the couch and christina came out from the hallway with her boys behind her.

"ryan leonard and gabe petreault, it's great to finally meet you both. i've heard so many good things," patrick hugged each of them.

"we were worried you guys got lost on your way back to the house," christina chuckled.

"no, we just had to make a stop at the beach per ryan's request," will explained and the brunette grinned making the family laugh.

"ah, that makes more sense. i can tell you guys are a bit wet," christina observed the four's damp hair.

"thank you so much for having us this weekend. it's an honor to stay in your home," gabe cut in with a grin, waving a hi to the younger sons.

"of course. our home is your home this weekend. we figured it would work out perfectly since the six of us will be at grandparents tomorrow night into sunday, so we won't be in your way or anything," christina greeted each of them with a hug as well once patrick finished his hellos.

"well, thank you again. we appreciate it a lot," ryan echoed gabe's sentiments.

"you guys play for boston college, right?" brody wondered and the older boys nodded.

"we do. you thinking about going there?" ryan asked and he chuckled when the younger marleau flushed and glanced at his dad like he knew.

"it's whatever you decide, bud," patrick chuckled too and reached over to squeeze his son's shoulder.

"well, if you ever have questions, we're the guys to ask, but you probably already asked smitty all that already," gabe pointed to the blonde behind him who rolled his eyes a bit.

"i'll show you guys where you'll sleep," will motioned towards the stairs to lead everyone to their rooms. the marleau house was huge, so everyone had their own rooms plus two guest rooms. the second one was where gabe and ryan would be sleeping.

"shit, this is nice. you're living the good life here," ryan jumped onto the bed and the mattress sunk in around him.

"i better not hear you guys going at it," gabe teased the couple still lingering in the doorway. ryan snickered but the other two flushed in embarrassment.

"i'll rake that as my cue to leave. i'll let you guys catch up some more," samy quickly laughed off their teasing before disappearing to will's room to put her things down.

will eyed his friends once she was gone while ryan and gabe just shrugged, "what? i guess some things never change," gabe smiled.

"you guys are so immature," the blonde shook his head.

"how've you been though? good? sharks good?" ryan became somewhat serious for a second which always seemed to happen after a good laugh.

"yeah, it's been really good. i mean..it's my dream—our dream?—come true. i love it," will admitted becoming a bit sappy, but the boys smiled wider nonetheless.

"i mean it looks like the dream, man. you're a fucking california star with your new bronco and cool ass mentor to stay with for the season," the brunette got up to rough up his friend's shoulders like any best friend would. gabe shared the sentiments.

"we're proud of you, you know. this is all really great," their words warmed will's heart. he worried a lot that he left boston too soon, but he was glad his old line mates didn't think he made the wrong choice.

"you and hughesy still doing good?" ryan lowered his voice a little.

"yeah, we're good. we've been adjusting well and i'm glad i've gotten to see her so many times already," will nodded.

"good, glad to hear that. we think she's been doing better at managing everything, so don't worry about that. we got her back," the hockey player appreciated hearing his friends say that. he still hated being so far away in times that samy picked herself apart for things that didn't even matter, but he felt better knowing his friends were looking after her and the other guys in michigan when he couldn't.

"thanks, i'm glad you do," the three exchanged heartfelt smiles.

"now, enough of being all sappy and cheesy, i want a grand tour of this city," ryan exclaimed making will laugh.

"you got it, lean. i'll show you guys all my favorite places tomorrow," the blonde let the guys unpack and settle themselves in. he stuck his head back into his room where samy had changed into drier clothes. she smiled seeing her boyfriend.

"hi," she grinned.

"hi, sorry about the teasing. i guess they haven't given it up yet," will laughed, but the girl shook her head.

"please, you should know i don't care anymore. they're funny," samy assured and that made the boy smile. he was glad things like teasing from the guys didn't ever bother her.

now that they were alone, will took that as his opportunity to take her back into his arms. he shuffled closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, a bright smile on his features.

"i feel like a really lucky guy with how many times i've been able to see you," will hummed.

"i'm really lucky i get to see you too. i'm glad we made this happen with them. i know you really wanted it to," she pushed some of will's stray curls away again and he flushed under her touch.

"thank you for being so persistent with it and working it out for us. it probably never would've happened if it was just us planning," they shared a heartfelt laugh. it was true. will, ryan, and gabe sucked at planning anything when it came to trying to hang out.

"you're funny, will, but you're welcome. i know i already said this but i'm really looking forward to watching you play tomorrow," her words erupted more butterflies through the boy's chest along with a hot blush from his neck to the tips of his ears.

"wouldn't want it any other way having you guys here," the blonde leaned down to place a better kiss to samy's lips. she reached up to meet him in the middle.

a soft hum escaped will's lips at the feeling of his girlfriend's lips against his. even though they just saw one another three weeks ago, he'd never get tired of kissing her pretty lips and the feeling it created in his body after being apart. samy shifted so her hand was on the back of will's neck pushing him closer. the hockey player tightened his grip on her hip in response, wanting her as close as physically possible.

will began losing himself in the kiss. his other hand tangled in samy's hair not really caring that it was still wet or the fact that he hadn't changed out of his semi damp clothes still. anytime he could get his lips on samy's it was hard to pull him away.

however, a knock pulled them apart. they whipped around and saw ryan and gabe lingering in the doorway that will forgot to close the door to. a large blush spread across both of their faces.

"shit, sorry. maybe we should count how many times we catch you guys in the act," gabe teased.

"what do you want?" will wondered.

"just coming to bother you guys," ryan came further into the room, jumping onto the bed like he did in the other room.

"typical," samy giggled.

"if only all the other guys were here then it'd really feel like a reunion," gabe hummed and a slight frown appeared on will's face. he felt bad that the other guys couldn't make it out, but he knew the marleau's would not have room to house all eight of them.

"maybe when i'm moved back into my own apartment i'll have everyone over," will said.

the guys liked that idea. as much as will was annoyed at them for interrupting his moment with samy again, he liked seeing the happiness on each of their faces as they settled into will's room to spend more time together. it felt like one of those summer days where after a long day on the boat, everyone would crowd into one room to just talk, and considering will probably wouldn't see gabe and ryan until next summer, he decided to enjoy the moment. he joined them on the bed, opening his arms up for samy to climb in next to him. ryan sat on the other side while gabe hung off the end. the two boys were like little kids going their parents' rooms at night to bother them before bed.

—

everyone was up fairly early the next morning, or early in will's eyes and late in everyone else's because they were still on central and eastern time so it technically wasn't late to samy, ryan, and gabe. the four got an early start knowing they had a lot to do with seeing the city and then catching dinner with jack and luke later when they landed.

of course, will picked up macklin on the way. the younger brunette climbed into the car with a smile. "morning everyone," he cheered.

they rode into the city where samy was already familiar with the strip of shops and tall buildings. will parked on one of the side streets, digging out his credit card to pay for parking before they all took off. samy slipped in faster, her card going through before will could pay. he snapped his gaze towards her.

"baby, you didn't have to pay," he immediately protested as samy grabbed the receipt.

"you paid way too much for me last time so i'm returning the favor," she argued with a little smile.

"you don't have to do that. you know i don't care," will countered but the girl shook her head.

"i love you," she pecked his lips and hurried to catch up with the others.

the five walked up and down the main street where gabe and ryan poked their heads into almost every store. samy had her camera out to catch all the candids that would most definitely make their random contract/photo dump posting.

"do you think i should buy this?" ryan wondered while trying on a pair of sunglasses. they were big and square which took up almost half of his face.

"for sure, lean. you look great," macklin chuckled and the others agreed.

"i'm sure julianne would love them on you," samy teased and the brunette rolled his eyes as he put them back on the rack.

"oh, i think samy should get this," gabe grabbed ahold of a shirt that said "i love #2." will's cheeks flushed but samy quickly grinned.

"wait i should. i can wear it tomorrow night," the girl looked at her boyfriend who was a blushing mess.

"you'll definitely catch the attention with that," ryan teased as well. samy was serious about buying the shirt. she grabbed her size off the rack and went straight to the register while will just tried hiding his face of the deep blush that crept onto it.

he still got hot with blush anytime samy showed up wearing something that told people she was his because if anything, he thought it should be the other way around and people should know he was hers.

"i think we should all buy them. we can twin," gabe went to grab one for himself with ryan quickly following. will just shook his head, but smiled nonetheless.

they continued on once the three of them had their shirts. will showed them all of his favorite spots in the city so far, the places him and macklin went to get lunch, the places their other teammates took them after a good game.

ryan and gabe marveled in the warmth and the beauties of the silicon valley. they looked like dads whenever they pulled their phones out to take pictures of the scenery. will hung back letting his friends take the lead and explore whatever they wanted to. samy eventually dropped back to check in with him where he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"you doing good?" she wondered.

"perfect. you?" he asked and the girl nodded.

"same. perfect," they shared a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek. samy's never seen her boyfriend look so weightless like he didn't have any stress on his shoulders or anything. it was probably because hanging out with ryan and gabe was easing any of the anxieties he was feeling about the game tomorrow.

will took a hold of her camera to flip it around. he wanted a selfie of them, using his longer arms to get both of them in frame. the girl smiled widely while will turned to kiss her cheek as he took the picture. when the preview came up on the screen they both grinned.

by the time they finished exploring, it was time to meet luke and jack at the restaurant they discussed beforehand. the brothers were already inside, waving when they caught sight of the group coming in. samy rushed forward to greet her brothers, both of them standing to scoop her into their arms.

"hi squirt. good to see you," jack cheered.

"it's so good to see you guys too," samy smiled.

"wow you already look tan," luke laughed as he noticed his sister's already darker complexion.

"lean, gp, celly, smitty, good to see all of you," jack dapped up each of the boys followed by luke.

"thanks for catching dinner with us," will said, pulling out samy's seat for her as they finally sat down.

"wouldn't ever pass up an opportunity to see our sister. it's crazy we're all here at the same time. i feel like it's summer right now," luke pinched samy's arm where she swatted his hand away.

"i was just saying that. i could get used to this warm weather," ryan laughed.

the boys quickly filled the conversation with hockey which samy expected. it was a good thing she liked it as much as them to talk about it the entire dinner. will's hand stayed on her thigh most of the time as his small reminder to him and herself that he was beside her. neither of them were huge on pda, but the little things liked that were enjoyable because they could still be close without making someone comment on it. the blonde occasionally watched his girlfriend interact with everyone, loving the relationship she had with her brothers and everyone else. she never missed a beat when they poked about hockey or talked about soccer. god, he was so lucky.

when the waiter came back around to ask if checks were going to be separate or all one, will immediately began to speak, but jack beat him to it.

"all one, thanks," the older hughes brother grinned.

"wait, you don't have to pay for us," ryan cut in before anyone could mention it.

"i don't mind. call it our treat," jack nudged luke's arm who nodded.

"jack," samy began but the boy shook his head. he wasn't gonna take any more protests about paying. the two brothers were feeling joyful with it being the holidays soon and paying for everyone's dinner was the least they could do.

"thank you, man. i appreciate it," will said and everyone else echoed his words.

"no problem. maybe this will act as a peace treaty when we beat you again tomorrow," jack always liked starting a little friendly fire. gabe and ryan oohed while will and macklin just shook their heads.

the waiter came back around with the check. jack quickly took out his card and handed it right back to her to ring it up, not even thinking twice. the others smiled.

when everything was fully paid for, everyone said their goodbyes until tomorrow. "see ya tomorrow, squirt. mom said she wanted a picture of all of us at some point, so we'll find you," luke said and the girl nodded.

when everyone got back to the house they were pretty tired from the day so a movie night in was quickly decided. with the marleau family gone for the weekend, they had the entire living room to themselves. samy put on her new shirt and when she came back out of the bathroom, will was blushing from head to toe again. he drank in her entire appearance that was only her new shirt and her little sleep shorts, subconsciously licking his lips.

"you like it?" the brunette giggled when she saw her boyfriend's lustful expression.

"you drive me up the wall," will mumbled, bringing her flush against his chest again.

"do i now?" she taunted a bit making the rookie curse to himself. he latched his lips back onto hers, not being able to control his urge to kiss her.

she reciprocated his actions, opening her mouth further for his tongue to fight its way in. like always, will's hands wandered across her hips—a feeling of possessiveness washing over him knowing she would be wearing this shirt tomorrow in front of all the fans in the arena. will was never one to be jealous or possessive all the time, but sometimes he got these little moments like right now where all he could think about was how proud he was gonna feel when everyone knew jack and luke's little sister was his girlfriend.

"we should get back downstairs," samy mumbled when they pulled apart for a second. both of their chests rose and fell against one another, panting for air.

"they'll be fine without us for twenty minutes," the blonde mumbled, pulling the girl back to his lips in another feverish kiss.

when they did eventually make it downstairs, ryan and gabe gave both of them a look that definitely told the couple they knew. gabe held up five fingers towards ryan and mouthed "you owe me $5 now," because they 100% betted on what was taking will and samy so long to join them.

—

the sap center was crowded and electric when the three made it inside after will dropped them off around the front. a few fans recognized the trio, immediately wanting autographs or a picture. samy loved taking photos with fans, so she was all for it, especially in their matching "i love #2" shirts.

"let's find our seats," ryan insisted once they were done talking with fans. he led them into the rink where the sharks were warming up. will, who had been looking for them to come in, caught samy's eye and waved her down.

"will wants to see us," she tugged on ryan's arm.

the brunette glanced down at the blonde who was waving them over. they turned around to get themselves down to the floor. will skated up to the open door, lifting his helmet up as he grinned. a few other guys skated after will that wasn't macklin.

"hey, my teammates wanted to say hi. you've been the talk since i mentioned you were coming," the blonde explained and his other teammates lifted up their helmets as well.

"will eklund. that's tom bordeleau. we've heard a lot about you," the older blonde stuck his hand out to shake samy's hand and then gabe and ryan.

"i've heard. nice to meet you guys," samy grinned.

"i like the shirts. didn't know pup had so many fans," tom teased a bit and nudged will's arm who blushed.

"we're his #1 fans if you couldn't tell," the girl giggled.

"oh we can tell. super cool meeting you hughes and gabe and ryan. we'll catch up some more after the game," eklund and bordeleau grinned as they skated back onto the ice.

"i'll see you guys after," will leaned forward to press a quick kiss to samy's lips. he bumped fists with gabe and ryan before skating back on to finish warmups.

ryan led them back to their seats a few rows up behind the glass. the brunette searched for her brothers and found them over by the bench. luke was also looking for his sister in the stands. he found all of them and quickly waved towards the three. they waved back.

"damn, i forgot how crazier this is than college hockey," gabe muttered as he took in the arena's excessive amount of seats and fans lining each one of them.

"it feels the same to me but bigger," ryan said with a chuckle.

"are you gonna end up getting one of those wag jackets?" gabe teased a bit, nudging the girl's arm beside him. she flushed.

"very funny."

"hey, you're gonna be a wifey, so you might as well embrace it," ryan added.

"not anytime soon though. i wanna at least finish college," the girl said.

"you guys are gonna have a huge wedding party. six of us plus your brothers plus whoever else will wants?" all samy did was shake her head not wanting to think that far ahead yet. she wasn't even twenty.

the three made mindless conversation until the lights dimmed and the announcers got ready to introduce the players as they came out of the shark tunnel which was samy's personal favorite of the home games. will skated out first and the three were on their feet screaming his name like crazy. the blonde waved up at them before he slid into line. macklin came out after and they screamed again for the second rookie.

"that's our rookie!!" gabe screamed down to them.

"we love #2!" ryan joined in.

will blushed like crazy hearing them yell for him while getting eyes from the other players. eklund reached over to nudge his shoulder, a knowing smirk on his lips. the devils came out a few minutes later, some devils fans cheering for them but it was mostly boos in the stands.

the game got underway fast once they played the national anthem. will was on the ice with his line first, the lower bowl on their feet screaming and cheering for the white and teal players.

it felt like old times back when they were in the dev program arena or the conte forum and samy was cheering will on as he flew across the ice with the puck. she followed his number 2 with her eyes, cheering when he made a successful pass or received one from his linemate.

"come on smitty!" ryan called, his rowdiness already starting to show.

the youngest hughes bounced between watching her boyfriend and watching her brothers who definitely knew how to push will out of his comfort zone. it helped that they've played together before, but luke and jack were a powerhouse when it came to being on the ice together. they weaved between the sharks like bullets, adding a few pushes and shoves as they went.

"damn, they're fast," gabe mumbled.

"will knows how they play, or at least he knows how luke plays. they're gonna wanna push him out of his comfort zone," samy explained exactly what the two brothers started doing. luke got himself up close and personal to will, trying to get the puck from him without shoving the younger blonde too hard.

the older brunette had the upper hand and took the puck back. he passed back down the ice towards the other goal leaving will to chase after him.

a wash of nostalgia hit samy as she watched her brothers and boyfriend battle it out together. memories from when they were little flashed in her mind of the same image of luke and jack playing against will on the ice. they always used to be a little meaner to the two of them because they wanted them to grow their skill and become meaner as well. samy knew that was what her brothers were trying to do now.

"come on, come on, come on," ryan muttered under his breath wanting will to score a goal. he was getting closer, but the devils were obviously tough players.

both teams went the whole period without scoring. the sharks had definitely stepped it up since their last game and were trying to make the devils work for a point.

"you guys need anything?" ryan wondered during the first intermission. samy and gabe shook their heads.

"okay, well i'm gonna grab a drink. text me if you do end up wanting something," the brunette said and disappeared towards the food court.

"how've you been?" gabe wondered when it was just them. samy snapped her gaze to him, "i'm good. better."

the dark-haired boy smiled, "i'm glad to hear that. talking with your coaches went okay? you started talking to someone?"

"yeah, yeah. coach klein was actually really glad i came and said something to her and she was sorry i felt that way. i talked to my parents more too and we found someone that i can start talking with every other week. it's been good," the girl elaborated. relief flooded gabe hearing that. he'd been really worried about her, so he was glad to hear she was doing a lot better.

"that makes me happy to hear. don't forget we're always a call away too," the boy said and she nodded.

"i know, thanks, g."

ryan returned a few minutes later just before the second period began. he came back with some soda, offering some of it to them even though they said they didn't want any. gabe took a sip and then so did samy, appreciating his offer.

the players were back on the ice minutes later and the heightened energy quickly returned. the three were on their feet again as will zoomed by their section hoping for a goal this period.

luke was the only one on at the moment. he guarded the goal area fiercely, ready to push back against will's advances. samy's gaze constantly flicked between him and her boyfriend, wondering if will would be able to get past him.

macklin was back on the ice so now both rookies were working to score the first goal of the night. samy's eyes darted between all three boys down there rooting for will and mack while also rooting for her brothers. it was always hard when people saw her cheering for one team and then the other seconds later.

the blonde flew around the bend of the rink, avoiding a hit from one of the devils as he passed down to macklin. the brunette took ahold of the puck, deciding to take his chances with shooting. the little puck flew past luke's stick and the goalies right into the back of the net. the air horns blew and samy jumped up in excitement. everyone else on the arena screamed out while the boys quickly celebrated the first goal.

"let's go mack!" gabe cheered. the brunette pumped his fists into the air and then skated towards around the glass to get everyone to cheer for him again.

for the rest of the 2nd period and the 3rd, the sharks stayed at 1 point and the devils didn't score which meant the sharks had their redemption. samy cheered for will and his team while also sympathizing with her brothers' team. ryan led them back towards the front lobby knowing all of the boys probably had a bunch of press to do before they reunited.

samy got caught up with some fans again as they were leaving the arena. ryan and gabe gladly helped take pictures and even get some of their own with the few that recognized them. things started clearing out a bit more after twenty minutes now that it was just wives and other friends waiting for the players to come back out.

will appeared about twenty more minutes later. he was showered and back in his christmas sweater that he walked in wearing over his dress shirt. samy grinned, opening her arms to hug him. the blonde wrapped his arms around her torso, spinning her around slightly.

"congrats on the win, #2. super proud of you," the girl cheered.

"i told you, you were my good luck charm," the blonde kissed the bridge of her nose. he set her down to greet gabe and ryan again.

"awesome game, smitty. you killed it out there," gabe exclaimed. while the boys caught up, jack and luke came into the main lobby, spotting samy.

"hey! we gotta run, but we wanted to grab a photo with you guys before we left," jack hugged his sister first.

"okay, it was good seeing you two. i'll see you again in like a week," the brunette grinned as she hugged luke next.

"yeah, we'll be home," luke smiled.

"we can take your photo if you want," gabe offered to the siblings who appreciated the gesture.

"we want one with all of you too," jack said as they squeezed themselves together. gabe took a few, handing it back so they could examine them.

"awww cute. mom will love that," samy smiled. they found someone to take a photo of all of them and then jack and luke hurried out of the arena to catch their bus back to the hotel.

macklin finally came out from the back with eklund and bordeleau behind him. "hey, we wanted to properly say hi to you guys," the other will explained.

"you guys killed it out there tonight. i was thoroughly impressed," gabe began with a smile.

"thanks man. it was definitely a tough game, but i'm glad we pulled away with a win," tom grinned as well.

"all thanks to this kid," will patted mack's back who flushed.

"hey, it was nothing guys," the younger brunette laughed.

"so we hear you're a national title holder now," eklund nudged samy's arm, turning the conversation to her.

"first national title. it was super cool," the soccer player chuckled, still reeling from all of the excitement that last weekend was.

"damn, w-2 really has it all then doesn't he? the skill, the friends, the girl. i'm kind of jealous," tom brushed up will's hair. the blonde blushed for probably the hundredth time that weekend, watching the way samy's lips lifted into another grin.

he was so in love with her.

"we should probably head out soon, but i'll catch you guys later," the hockey player broke out of his daze knowing it was getting late and everyone was exhausted from the game.

"of course. we'll catch you guys later. it was a pleasure meeting you three," tom nodded towards samy, gabe, and ryan before heading out the side door. will led the way to his car.

it was a fairly silent ride home just because of how tired everyone was and eager to finally lay in bed. they wished macklin a goodnight and then got back on the road towards the marleau house.

"great game again, smitty. see ya in the morning," ryan patted his friend's back before heading upstairs.

"see you guys in the morning," will chuckled. his gaze slid to samy's who raised her eyebrow when they met eyes.

"so what'd you think?" the blonde wondered as the couple lingered downstairs for a few more minutes.

"of what?" the girl wondered.

"everything, i guess?" as samy knew, will always had to make sure he had her approval because he valued her opinion so much. she giggled. "i really liked them. they were nice," she referred to his teammates.

"that's probably the tamest they've ever been," will admitted with a low laugh.

"i could tell. did you tell them to behave or something?" samy leaned back into the couch for a moment. the hockey player quickly joined her.

"i may have said something a few days ago when i said you were coming to visit again."

"i liked them, don't worry. you played really well tonight. i was impressed," the girl told him honestly which burned a smile into the boy's lips.

"luke and jack kind of tore into me, but i expected it. i knew they were trying to push me."

"yeah, i could tell too, but you handled them well," they shared a sweet smile.

"i'm really, really glad you came this weekend. i had a lot of fun. i mean i always have fun whenever we're together," will said again even though he's said this a hundred times already. the girl flushed.

"well you don't have to miss me too hard this time because i'll see you in cape cod for christmas," samy rested her head on will's shoulder even though they probably should've headed upstairs to change and lay in his actual bed. the couch was also just so comfortable.

"i can't wait to be back in massachusetts for a few days," will hummed, leaning his head against hers.

as suspected, they fell asleep like that—will in his suit and samy in her jeans. it wasn't until will woke up three hours later and realized they were still downstairs that he nudged samy awake and helped her upstairs so they could be more comfortable in his bed.

they hardly changed into their pajamas before crashing back onto the bed. samy quickly snuggled into her boyfriend's side where will pulled her so close there wasn't any space left between them. he pecked the top of her head.

"love you," he mumbled sleepily.

"love you, too," samy sighed, sleeping until they needed to be up and back at the airport the next day.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Mockingjay - Part 14 (Alternate ending)

Hey, it's me again!

So this is the happy ending. I have to admit that writing this one was way easier than the other one. I hope you will like it too :)

TW : Blood, mention of death and PTSD.

Chapter Before

As they both are talking and fighting, neither Ona nor Tony sees the shape of the person coming next to them. Panting, the silhouette takes some time to take their breath. The fight was hard, as expected. Both Lucy and Kayla come from career districts, they both learned how to fight during their childhood and were almost prepared for the Games.

“Lucy won’t let anything happen to me” Ona states confidently.

She’s sure about what she’s saying, everyone can see it in her eyes. Ona doesn’t blink when she looks at Tony, who seems almost amused by her.

“Do you think so? I don’t see her here for now” he laughs softly.

His laugh is empty, without any fun. He looks like a psychopath in Ona’s mind, but she thinks it’s maybe better not to push him further. He seems close to a mental breakdown.

His hand is shaking when he raises it, showing his sword near Ona’s throat. Ona flinches but doesn’t try to back off. She doesn’t want him to think that he has any power over her.

“I could kill you, right now. She wouldn’t be able to do anything against it.”

He seems so sure of himself, looking at her from above, his smirks talking for him. But Ona has never had so little respect for him since the beginning. The brunette doesn’t even want to fight against him, he’s here standing while she’s sitting on the ground. How can someone’s ego be like this?

“Do you really think so?”

Tony turns around to face the person who just talked and Ona jumps on her feet when she sees them. It’s Lucy. Tony just has time to turn around before being hit right in the face. He falls somewhere near Ona, making her fall back with him.

Ona groans when she hits her head on a tree root, right where she was already hurt. She tries to get away from Tony as fast as possible, but the boy is grabbing her legs for his dear life, trying to drag her to him. But he’s less strong with his arms than he was at the beginning, Ona hurt him there before, and she knows it.

She manages to kick him in the chin, making him go back. Ona goes back on all four, standing again when she thinks that she’s away enough from Tony. He’s bleeding from his mouth and Ona deduces that he might have bitten his tongue.

Just when he was going to jump on Ona, Lucy grabs him by the collar of his jacket.

“Don’t even think about it” she groans, pushing him away.

Lucy is smaller, but Ona has to say that with her anger and the hammer in her hand… She looks impressive. Her green eyes stay on Tony, even when she throws the bow and the arrows at Ona.

But Tony just sneers, arming his hand and his sword before talking again.

“I don’t have any problem to kill you before killing her”

“Aren’t you sick of hearing you?” Lucy snaps.

Ona sees Tony’s face becoming darker, clearly not liking Lucy’s comment. Ona can’t help but smile at Lucy’s comment, the sarcasm of the girl always making her smile. She takes advantage of this little moment to have a better look at her girlfriend. She has blood on her body but doesn’t really seem hurt. She has some cuts on her arms, but nothing seems really bad.

“I’m sick of you” he answers.

Lucy snorts this time, waiting for him to attack first. He’s turning his back to Ona and the younger girl wonders if she should take advantage of it, but it seems to her that Lucy wants to defeat Tony alone. She has something to deal with, beginning with the fact that Tony seems to want what is hers.

The fight starts and is maybe not really fair, Tony has a sword which is longer than Lucy’s hammer, in addition to the fact that he’s bigger and then has bigger movements. But Lucy still manages to hit him several times, using her smaller form to move faster than him.

That was until…

“Wolves!”

Ona scream is a little bit ignored by the two others to be honest, until Lucy spots the urgence in Ona’s voice when she talks again.

“Lucy! Wolves!”

Lucy turns to the direction Ona is pointing, before groaning when Tony takes advantage of it to hit her on the arm. Lucy groans in pain and almost throws her hammer on Tony’s face, helped by the rush of adrenaline.

Just like Ona, she saw the four wolves walking in their direction, in the form of a diamond. They are white and she would probably have found them beautiful if they weren’t explicitly looking for their next meal.

Ona is fully concentrated on the animals, forgetting Tony for several seconds.

Wrong move.

The boy, seeing Ona not far from him, raises his sword once again and hits her right in her stomach. The pain is so intense that Ona isn’t able to say anything. It’s Lucy who screams something that the brunette isn’t able to understand.

She feels someone grabbing her and holding her protectively against their breast, before the person starts to run. Ona doesn’t need a lot of time to recognize Lucy.

“It’s okay, you will be okay” Lucy keeps saying.

Ona doesn’t really understand what is happening when she feels herself being shaken. But she trusts Lucy and if she says that she will be okay, she knows that she will be. It’s only the sound of the canon who makes her open her eyes again.

Her vision is gloomy, but she still can see Lucy’s face right above her very clearly.

“Is he…” she whispers.

“Dead. The wolves…”

Lucy stops her sentence, but she doesn’t have to talk more for Ona to understand. She’s glad that the animals chose the one of the three who will give them the most fresh meat.

“I’m so cold” Ona whispers again.

And it looks like it’s starting to rain. She feels one or two drops of water on her face, seeming strangely hot against her cold skin. But when she looks at Lucy again, she understands. It’s not raining. Lucy is crying.

“I’m dying”

She can only whisper for now, her strength just not here anymore. Lucy shakes her head, but Ona isn’t sure if it’s because she’s answering her that she isn’t, or if Lucy just couldn’t stand the idea.

“It’s okay” Ona whispers. “We are going to be okay”

She concentrates all of her strength to raise her hand and softly strokes Lucy’s face. Lucy kisses her palm softly before pressing her forehead against Ona.

“Remember when I said I couldn’t live somewhere where you aren’t?”

“Yes” Ona breathes softly. “But you promised…”

“I never promised anything” Lucy shakes her head. “We live together, or we die together”

Ona looks at Lucy for several seconds, before nodding softly. She understands. She couldn’t live in a world where Lucy isn’t here either. It must be harder for Lucy; Lucy doesn’t have her family or any friends outside the arena.

“What do you have in mind?” Ona whispers.

“We can jump. Where Teagan…”

Lucy doesn’t finish her sentence, but Ona understands easily. After thinking for some more seconds, Ona nods again.

“I don’t know if I could walk, it’s a little far from here”

“I’ll carry you”

They can’t hear the wolves anymore, but there is no doubt that they are busy with whatever they are doing now. It doesn’t really matter anyway. Very carefully, Lucy picks Ona from the ground to carry her like a just married couple. It makes Ona smile softly, passing her arms around Lucy’s neck.

“I love you” Ona whispers, her face in Lucy’s neck.

“I love you too. So much.”

They stay silent during the walk, Lucy walking slowly. She’s exhausted to be honest and now they know how they will end. Together. They don’t need to rush anything.

“What are you thinking about?” Lucy asks after some minutes.

“My parents. My brother… Aitana, too”

“Do you think they will be together?”

“They better be together already”

Lucy chuckles before kissing softly Ona’s temple. Her mind goes to her family too, wondering what they are thinking about her right now. They probably aren’t proud of her, but she doesn’t care anymore.

Seeming to be able to read in her mind, Ona talks again.

“I’m proud of you, you know?” she whispers.

Lucy hums at first before looking at Ona. The younger one was already looking at her, her chocolate eyes so soft and full of love.

“I’m proud of you too” Lucy says back. “And I’m sure that your parents and the people you love are proud too. Alexia must be really proud too. You kind of win the Games after all.”

“No” Ona shakes her head. “You’re the real winner.”

Lucy rolls her eyes as they get out of the forest. They pass the starting point, Ona looking at the scoreboard. It’s strange to see that only their names are on it now. Lucy killed the most people between them both, but it doesn’t mean anything now. It isn’t important anymore.

“Are you in pain?”

Ona shakes her head once again at Lucy’s question. She feels good and almost safe in Lucy’s arms.

“I always feel better in your arms”

“You don’t need to try to charm me, you know? I’ve been in love with you for a long time already.”

“I’m not trying” Ona mumbles sleepily. “Just telling the truth.”

She takes advantage of being carried by Lucy to look around her, admiring the view for the first time. Before, she was too concentrated on the Games to find something beautiful. She remembers perfectly the building in the north of the arena, giving her a sweet feeling of being back home.

“Don’t fall asleep now, Love. We’re almost there.”

Lucy’s voice kind of wakes Ona up. She opens her eyes with difficulty, but looking at Lucy is enough to help her stay awake.

Lucy was right though, several minutes later, they were standing next to the cliff. Ona’s isn’t sure that it’s exactly where Seth tried to kill her, but the idea is here.

“Are you sure?” Lucy asks one last time.

“More than ever. You?”

“More than ever.”

Lucy smiles softly, looking at Ona with the most tender gaze ever. It makes Ona harder to breathe, and it has nothing to do with her bleeding wound.

“One last kiss?” Ona asks.

Lucy doesn’t even answer, she just softly puts her lips on Ona’s. She couldn’t say how many times they had kissed each other, but it’s still the same feeling. And she loves it.

“At three?” Lucy asks softly.

Ona nods and takes a deep breath. She’s tempted to have a look below, but she chooses to look at Lucy instead. She holds Lucy harder when the other girl starts to count, wanting to be against her as long as possible.

“One”

Lucy takes a few small steps, coming closer to the end of the cliff. Ona can hear the water near them, a sound that she finds almost soothing.

“Two”

Ona keeps looking at Lucy. Her green eyes, her freckles, even if Lucy has way less than her. Lucy is looking at her too, smiling softly. But, just before Lucy says “three”, a deep voice suddenly resonates in the arena.

“NO! STOP!”

********

Awakened by the sun coming right into her eyes, Lucy sits down suddenly in her bed, looking around her, a little lost. The dream she just had is one that she still makes from time to time. But it’s vivid, so real that it catches her every time.

“Ona?”

Next to her the bed is empty, no trace of someone alive there. It makes her heart beat faster and she doesn’t like this feeling.

“Ona?” Lucy calls again, harder this time.

She almost trips in the sheets of her bed when she gets up, and she arrives at the door at the same time as the door is open.

“Ona” Lucy sighs, before taking the younger girl in her arms.

Ona is here, seeming a little surprised by Lucy’s neediness at first before understanding that Lucy probably just had a nightmare. It happens to her too from time to time. Ona passes her arms around Lucy’s, stroking her back with her fingertips.

“You’re here” Lucy mumbles with her face hidden in Ona’s neck.

“I am here” Ona answer softly

They stay like this for a moment, Ona not wanting to break the hug. She feels that Lucy needs it, and she would never refuse a hug or a kiss to Lucy.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Ona asks with empathy.

Lucy only nods, her face still in Ona's neck. Her hairs are tickling the younger one, who has trouble not to laugh about it.

“What can I do for you?”

“Cuddles”

Lucy doesn’t really leave any choice to Ona, grabbing her from the ground to put her on her shoulder until they reach the bed. Then, she throws Ona on it before crawling on the bed too and laying on Ona.

“It’s okay, Baby” Ona says softly, playing with Lucy’s hair.

But Lucy only hums, her fingers following Ona’s scare on her stomach. She still can’t believe their luck sometimes. The organisers let them alive, the two of them. It provoked a lot of trouble for those men, but the fact’s still here. Lucy and Ona are still very alive.

They live together now, in District 8. Lucy went back to her family at first, they needed an answer from the Capitol for their request to live together. They could live in the Capitol, but it was very clear from the beginning that they will go near Ona’s family.

Everything isn’t perfect, to be honest. Lucy still has nightmares, Ona still jumps when she hears a big noise and has sometimes panic attacks too. They are both scared that someone would separate them at some point. Lucy dreams sometimes to run away, but there is nowhere to go. They are way safer here, in the house they built in District 8.

“Alexia’s pregnant” Ona says softly.

“What?”

Lucy raises her head suddenly, looking at her girlfriend with surprise paint on her face. Ona smiles, cupping tenderly Lucy’s cheek.

“Alexia is pregnant. She just told me in the letter I received this morning. The baby is due to spring”

“Pregnant” Lucy whispers, like she never heard of pregnancy before. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

“They don’t know. They want to keep the surprise”

Lucy hums again, looking at Ona’s stomach thoughtfully. They left the arena four years ago and Joan already had a little girl last year. Lucy knows that she told Ona that she doesn’t want a baby, when they were in the Capitol. But right now, she has to admit that she wouldn’t be against that idea. But for that they have to go to the Capitol.

“Maybe we will have one baby too, someday” Lucy says carefully.

She doesn’t miss Ona’s surprised gaze at her. But Ona’s surprise quickly changes to a soft smile, before she grabs her face with her other hand to take her higher to be able to kiss her.

Lucy kisses her back, before kissing her cheek.

“But first I want to marry you” she says against Ona’s skin.

“You know that I’m already yours. All you have to do is ask”

It was true, she was only waiting for Lucy to propose. The dark-haired woman made clear really quickly that she wanted to be the one who would propose to the other. Ona doesn’t mind at all to be honest; she knows how much it means for Lucy.

And she will do so, several months later, after having asked Ona’s father if he would give them his blessing. She will ask Ona in their garden, during one of what they now call “stargazing session”. Of course, Ona’s answer will be yes.

And when they will welcome their little miracle almost three years after the wedding, Lucy knows that her life couldn’t be more perfect.

Perfect life, with her perfect wife whose surname she took. And now their perfect little boy, almost a clone of Ona, with his perfect name.

Jordi Teagan Batlle.

Sad Ending

[dumpywrites]

Nomenclature - Kim Taehyung / V

Prompt: “Tell me your name.” “No.”

Prompt request: HERE

Genre/tags: Fluff, strangers to lovers, simp! Taehyung, christmas cliche, some mentions of Yeontan passing (RIP Yeontan 🪽)

Pairing: Taehyung x she/her reader

a/n: I was again inspired by their song, winter ahead's music video is just truly beautiful :') Happy holidays everyone!

“Tell me your name.”

“No.”

“But, why???”

You rolled your eyes, simply walked past the guy who had been pestering you for weeks now. 

Allegedly, his name was Kim Taehyung. Ever since he moved to the town and bumped into you that one time at an art exhibition, this was all he ever did. You found out he was a sculptor, and that a few of his pieces were in fact shown that time. No one was supposed to know about this information because he was using an alias called “Vante”, but your friend Namjoon who was the art curator was a bit nosey. That was also probably how this Taehyung guy found out about your workplace. 

To be quite honest, you didn’t know why someone like him would want to move in a small town. He had looks, money, and supposedly fame too. He looked more like a Los Angeles or Paris kind of person. With those wavy black hair, perfect sculpted by the gods face, you would assume he was a model. But instead here he was, disturbing your cleanup duty. 

“Namjoon said that you’re the same age as me.” 

“Namjoon needs to shut the fuck up sometimes.”

“Wow, easy.” He chuckled, slumping down on the table. “I never ask him for your name though. I want to achieve it myself!” 

You looked around your donut shop and sighed. You still needed to clean the tables and it was already half an hour past closing time. 

“I’ll help.” He stood up with a boxy grin, pointing his finger up. 

“You can help me by going home.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Come on… I have no friends here.” He whined. 

“Namjoon is your friend, no?”

“He’s barely in town.” 

“I’m sure you can make friends elsewhere.” You said as you wiped the counter. 

He hummed, puffing his cheeks. “Why don’t you hire me? I can work part time. I’m mostly free! It seems like a lot of work just by yourself here…” 

“It’s only busy on holidays, usually I can manage it very well. And I do have a staff with me, he’s just currently not here since his dad is sick.”

He chewed the inner part of his cheeks, seemingly in thoughts again. He didn’t say anything but you saw him started cleaning the mess from the tables and throwing them to the trash. 

“So, how long have you been running this place?” 

“It’ll be two full years this December.” You said, your voice slowly going far as you moved to the kitchen. 

The man quickly followed you, clearly still wanted the conversation to keep going. You didn’t even bother to tell him away at this point. Maybe the company wasn’t so bad. 

“That’s cool.” He nodded, looking around the kitchen. “Have you always loved baking?”

“What is this, an interview?” You glared. 

“Maybe?” He giggled. 

“As a kid I used to want to study fashion and tailoring, but money was tight and I ended up just going for a normal and boring degree which is, accountancy.” 

He voiced an “ah” and nodded. “If you have the chance, would you still do it? Pursuing fashion and all…”

“I don’t know.” You sighed, hands full with the dishes. “The shop needs me. She doesn’t have anyone else.” 

“She?” He looked at you in amuse. 

“Yeah, it’s a she.” You held down a chuckle. 

He quietly helped you dry the plates and put them on the rack. 

Finally finished with the chores, you turned off the lights and grabbed your jacket. As you moved to the door, the man just followed you around like a puppy. 

“See ya, Taehyung.” You waved blankly and turned away, walking to the opposite direction. 

“Wait!” He called, making you stop in tracks. “Do you want me to drive you home?”

“My home is just a ten minute walk.” 

“Then I’ll walk you!” He smiled happily. 

“I’m not giving away my address to you.” You folded your arms. 

“Uh… text me when you get back home then?”

“I do not have your number.”

“That’s why we need to change that now.”

“It’s fine.” You turned your back again, the disappointed expression in his face went unseen to you. “Thank you for the offer though.” 

He sighed with a smile, but waved his goodbyes to you anyway. There was always a next day, he thought. 

You didn’t see him again until the next three days. This time he dropped by for a coffee, that you had recently noticed was bought for the sake of buying something, and a chocolate donut along with it. It seemed like this time instead of bugging you, he just sat there, sketching on his small sketch book, looking like he was shooting an advertisement for your cafe. 

He never greeted you nor had he said anything to you and he had been sitting there for four hours now. Your staff had offered to talk to him, but it just did not feel right to disturb him while looked so passionate. The shop wasn’t too busy at the moment anyway. 

“You sure he’s not a creep?” Jungkook, your staff said to you in a whisper. 

“Can’t exactly say he’s not one, but he’s harmless.” You told him. 

“He hasn’t touched his coffee.” 

“I don’t think he even likes coffee.”

“Then why even order one?! What a weirdo…” Jungkook looked at the guy with side eye. 

You heard the entrance door opened and saw a costumer. “Kook, handle the register for me, I’ll talk to the guy.”

Jungkook nodded and you went inside the kitchen. Grabbing an empty cup, you filled it with water before heading to the man sitting prettily at the corner. 

Taehyung was quick to put down his pencil and book as soon as he saw you placing down a glass of water. “Oh, hello!” He gave you a warm smile. 

“You need to drink something.” You told him, pointing at the water with your eyes. 

“Thanks, I already have the coffee though…”

“You haven’t even taken a single sip from it, Taehyung.” You folded your arms, leaning slightly at the table. “Why order one when you don’t like it?”

His eyes beamed. “You noticed???”

“You’ve been here for hours and the cup’s still full.”

“Sorry,” He chuckled and then took a full sip from the glass of water. “I wanted to look cool.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t like coffee either. Not by choice cause I have acid reflux.” You told him. 

“We’re bonding already, I see… miss, uh…?” He eyed you. 

“Nice try.” You turned, walking away from him. You hoped he didn’t see the corners of your lips curled up ever so slightly. 

In the next few days he continued to visit your cafe to seemingly work on his sketch, but he did not get any coffee anymore. Instead, he now ordered some lemon tea alongside the chocolate donut. 

Usually, your shop would be closed on Sundays. You needed some time for yourself in order to prioritize your mental and physical health. But with the Christmas and New Year just around the corner, the place had been extra busy so you decided to open half day on Sundays just until the holiday season was over. 

That was why Taehyung looked so excited when he walked past the cafe and saw the lights on. 

“Welcome to Adore, what— oh.” You dropped your greetings as soon as your eyes met. 

“You’re open on Sundays now?” 

“Only during the holidays.” You simply said. “What can I get you?”

“Cherry jam filled donut?” He asked, pointing at the glass display. 

“Yup. It’s a holiday special.” 

“Interesting.” He hummed. “I’ll get one.”

“Alright. Anything else?”

“Nope. Please do print the bill with the cashier name on it this time…” 

“You’re never gonna give it up, huh?”

“You’re so dramatic. We’re basically friends at this point, why can’t I have your name?” He chuckled. 

You shook your head in disbelief. “If there’s nothing else, that would be two—“

“Boba-eyed boy isn’t here today?” He asked while looking around. 

“Jungkook’s shift doesn’t include Sundays.” You sighed. “Can we please proceed? There’s a line behind you.”

“Right, sorry…” He grinned awkwardly and paid the order. He waved you goodbye in a goofy way before exiting through the door. 

A lady who was a returning costumer was next in line. She smiled at you and spoke, “I’ve never seen him around before.”

“He just moved here around a month or so.” You told her. “What can I get you today?”

“Oh, the usual would be great, darling.” She smiled and you quickly typed matcha latte into the order. “I’d like the holiday hamper too, they look adorable.” 

You immediately went to get the donut set. “I know, right?” You smiled at her. 

You quickly typed and tally her order. After she was done with the payment, she spoke up again. “That boy seems nice… and seems into you.” She snickered. 

“Please don’t mind him.” You smiled at her and sighed. “He just has a lot of time in his hands.”

“Don’t be so negative, sweetheart. It’s almost Christmas.” 

She smiled before waving you goodbye, as you did the same to her. 

After the half day, you decided to spend your free time at the mall, window shopping and some actual light shopping too since you were looking for small gifts to give to your friends. On the way home, you were surprised to see Taehyung in front of your shop. He was tiptoeing in cold, hands in his pocket, trying to take a peek inside the closed store. 

“You’re here!” He waved cheerfully. “I didn’t know you closed early?”

“I only open until three on Sundays.” You said, feeling a little nervous seeing him outside work. “Did you wait for me…?”

“I want to give you this!” He quickly handed you a piece of paper, what appeared to be a ticket. “There’s a small art pop up at the town park next week. I have some of my works there and I was wondering if you want to come and see them with me?” He looked at you with hopeful eyes. 

You looked at the ticket and at him back and forth. A small art exhibition wouldn’t hurt anybody. The lady’s words somehow flashed through your mind. Maybe you needed to loosen it up a bit with the negativity. 

“It won’t clash with your work! It’s on Sun—“

“Sure.”

“Aww, man… I was hoping— wait, did you just say yes???” He widened his eyes at you. It was funny how he was already expecting you to reject him. 

“I mean, I’ll probably go either way so…” You shrugged. “I’m surprised Namjoon hasn’t told me anything about it.”

“I told him not to.” He smirked. 

“Well, that explains it.” You broke into a small smile. 

“Wow.” He gasped. “I just made you smile.”

Your expression dropped when you realized. “You’re crazy.”

He giggled, appeared to be very happy with himself. “Wanna take a stroll?”

Both of you ended up sitting down on a random bench across the river. The cold winter air was making you shiver and Taehyung being Taehyung, he quickly removed his coat and draped it across both of you. So now you were sitting shoulder to shoulder, under the moonlight. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, the cherry donut tasted great! You should keep it on the menu.” He showed you his thumbs up. 

“Really? I wasn’t so sure with the jam since I made them from scratch…” You thought. “It’s not overly sweet? I was worried the powdered sugar would be too much.”

“Nope.”

“You sure?”

“Why?” He turned to look at you with a mischievous grin. “You don’t trust my opinion?”

“N-No! I’m just making sure…” You looked away. 

Never knew looking at him in such close range would be this… nerve wracking. You never noticed his beautiful lashes, nor how unique his eyes were, one eye with monolid and the other had double. 

You cleared your throat, backing away slightly. You wondered why it suddenly felt hot even though you were out in the cold winter weather. 

“Is there a reason why I can’t know your name?” He suddenly asked. 

You looked around, fidgeting the hem of your sweater. “You’re too positive, too eager… It scares me.”

You were smiling, but Taehyung didn’t like the way your expression looked. The smile looked like it was laced with sadness behind it. 

“What made you decide to move here?” You asked, changing the topic suddenly. 

He looked like he wanted to protest, but chose not to. “I can’t stand the big city. Always thought I was born to live that life, but turns out I hate the crowd.” 

“Did you not have your alias before?”

“I used to star in movies.” 

“Damn, didn’t know you’re THAT famous.” You pouted your lips, impressed. 

“I’m no Ryan Gosling or anything, my thing was only on small movies or series.” He chuckled. 

“Wait, so you quit just like that???”

“My company kept pushing me on projects that don’t represent me. I was so fed up of putting on a facade in front of everyone, including behind cameras when meeting people in parties and whatnot…” He sighed. “And with my dog passing away recently, I thought a fresh start might be good for me. Cutting off all the toxic branches, you know?”

“I’m so sorry for your loss…” You couldn’t help but to feel sad hearing his story. 

“It’s okay. He’s been sick for so long, so he’s happier now somewhere.” He smiled. “Do you wanna see his pictures?”

You widened your eyes in surprise. “I can?”

“Sure. Just a sec…” 

He took out his phone and showed you a few photos from a dedicated album. Your heart melted upon seeing the images of the adorable Pomeranian. There was a few photos showing the dog wearing costumes, some he took with his friends, and even some selfies of him with the late dog. 

“His name was Yeontan.” He said, fingers still scrolling through the phone, letting you see more pictures. 

“I’m sure he was a good boy…” You gave him a smile. 

“The best.” He smiled back, almost teary eyed. 

Maybe it was the festivities around you, making your heart softened, but you finally agreed to him walking you back home. It was almost awkward to say goodbye as deep down you wanted to hug him. Not only as a farewell, but you wanted to comfort him after hearing his story. You were fighting with your inner morals and self respect, then ended up with a simple fist bump. To be fair, that was more you coded anyway. 

He was very sweet, waiting in front of your house, making sure you entered the door before leaving. You had to shoo him away through the window to make him leave. The sound of his laughter as he waved at you, sounded like a soft Christmas song. 

You did not get to see him until the day before the exhibition. You and Jungkook were busy cleaning up the place, and you could hear your staff’s growl when the sound of the door bell could be heard, thinking it was a costumer coming on closing time.

“Oh, it’s the creep.”

“Hello, boba boy.” Taehyung greeted playfully at the guy. 

“I do not like this guy.” Jungkook pointed to him and looked at you. 

You gave Tae a small smile before patting Jungkook’s shoulder. “I don’t either.” You chuckled. 

“Oh, yeah sure!” The younger guy protested, rolling his eyes. 

“I’ll be done in ten minutes.” You looked at the guy who was waiting next to the door. 

“Take your time.” He smiled at you, but earned another glare from the staff boy. 

After you were done and Jungkook went home, subsequent to giving the waiting man a few death stares. You heard Taehyung huffing and puffing, hands inside his pocket, while you were locking your entrance door. 

“What do you wanna talk about?” You asked him. 

“The exhibition is tomorrow…”

“I know.” You giggled. “And?”

“Hey, I don’t have your phone number to just text this thing, okay?” He said in defense, making you laugh. “I have something to give you though…”

“Oh? You don’t have to!”

You backed away one step from him but that did not stop him from taking out something from his pants pocket. He took out a small maroon colored jewelry box, and your heart was racing out because, to random people this might look like he wanted to propose to you.

He opened the box and showed it to you. A beautiful silver-plated Vivienne Westwood necklace was inside of it, you could notice it right away with the iconic Saturn orb. 

“Taehyung, I can’t accept this! I don’t even have anything to give you…” 

“I just think it’d look great with formal looks, for the exhibition and all…” He looked away shyly. “Just take it, please.”

Your hands were slightly trembling as you reached out for the box. “Thank you. It’s really beautiful.” 

“Uh huh.” He grinned, rocking back and forth playfully. “So uh… can I finally have your phone number? I kinda need to know when to pick you up…” He looked at you with hopeful looks. 

“Sure.” You chuckled. 

“Yes!” He threw his fist up, before quickly recollecting himself and cleared his throat. “Uh, here…” He handed you his phone. 

As you typed your number in, he suddenly stopped you. 

“Don’t type your name in!”

You looked at him with crooked head, wondering if he had lost his mind. The fact you were about to do it too. 

“Just tell me tomorrow, if you want to.” He grinned. 

“Okay…?” You chuckled and handed him back the phone. “What’s this all about?”

“Where’s the fun if I tell you.” You could see his cheeks turning a rosy color despite the low light. 

“Suspicious.” You eyed him, couldn’t help a smile. “But I’m intrigued.”

He flashed you his usual boxy grin, hands inside the pocket as he blew a cold smoke. “I’ll take you home?”

You might not realized it, but Taehyung had slowly but surely began to tear down the barrier you built one by one. Whether it was the constant affection, random jokes, or the small details that he would always noticed, whatever it was, his presence made you felt safe. 

Came next day, you had texted Taehyung when to pick you up at your home after work. The struggle and anxiety of choosing the right outfit really joined late. The whole day you thought you had figured it out, but when you finished putting it all together, you started overthinking. Does Taehyung like woman in skirts? Does he prefer woman with hair up or down? Would it be too much if you wear a little bit of makeup?

The choices landed on a simple black mini dress with a white shirt under it. It was the most formal-but-not-try-hard-but-also-still-cute kinda outfit you had. Your red plaid patterned pumps matched the whole theme of the Vivienne necklace that was gifted to you days prior. 

As you take a look at your reflection in the mirror, your phone rang. Expecting it to be Taehyung, you looked up the caller name revealing your friend Namjoon instead. 

“Hello?”

“You’re coming to the exhibition, right?” 

“I am. Why?”

“Tae’s picking you up?”

“Yeah, I think he’ll be here in fifteen.” 

“I’m assuming things are well between you and him?” There was a hint of sneaky teasing in his tone of voice. 

“Didn’t know you were trying to make something happen between us.” You said as you looked at the mirror, applying lipgloss. 

“Wasn’t suppose to, I don’t think that was his initial intention either.” The guy chuckled from the other line. “But I don’t know man… I just think it’s good to see you with someone again, no? You’ve been through so much and I think Taehyung is a good person.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, we don’t even know if he’s even thinking that way.” 

“Well, I know.” He emphasized. “Dude wouldn’t even make a move without my permission.”

You broke into a smile. “I didn’t know you’re that protective of me.”

“Hey, ever since what happened with that sick bastard, you had been shutting yourself down. You kept yourself busy with work, you don’t even socialize that much anymore…” He sighed. “And I know you are scared. I know you’re afraid of people that show you so much interest so fast, people who are all sunshine and happiness. But don’t you think it’s about time you try to trust again?”

“I don’t know Joon… to be honest with you, I feel safe with him. He seems like he has the purest intention, and even if he doesn’t even think about this romantically, I still want a friend like him. But…” You paused. “That’s why it’s even scarier. He’s broken all the walls I’ve built. If he hurt me, I’ll be back to ground zero again.” 

“It’s always worth the risk.” Your friend said sternly, assuring you. “And don’t worry, I’ll personally punch him in his goddamn top five most handsome men face if he ever tries to hurt you.” 

You laughed. “Thank you, Joon.” 

“Go get dolled up. I want jaws on the floor when you arrive.” 

“That’s not gonna happen, but whatever.” You laughed again. “See ya.”

“See you, lover girl.”

You had your fair share of Christmas movies. You were also never much of a romantic person yourself, so the Christmas movies dreamy golden retriever boy coming to sweep you off your feet cliche was never your cup of tea. But never say never, people said. 

The sleek back hair, the preppy white button up, the black suit. Who were you kidding, did this person steal his outfit from a movie set or something? You were sure you were getting picked up by a friend, not the prince himself. 

“Hi.” He said, a bit breathless. 

“Hi there.” You said bashfully. “You look great.” 

“Don’t steal my line.” He laughed, pulling his collar slightly. “Oh shit, I forgot.” 

“What is it?”

You saw the man quickly ran to his car and picked up something from the back seat. 

Lord saves us all. He came back with a bouquet. 

“Oh my god.” You rolled your eyes, laughing. “You can’t keep doing this!”

“It’s too much, is it?” He eyed you with a smirk. 

“I like them though.” You smiled as he handed you the flowers. “Although I must admit, red rose is a bit overrated.” 

“It matches your shoes though.” He pointed out. 

“I guess you’re right.” You giggled. “Wait just a sec, I’ll vase them.”You came back a few minutes later after quickly finding a jar for the roses. “Ready?”

“After you.” He playfully said. 

You had the opportunity to bond over music taste through the car ride. You shared your playlist and so did he. You tried your best to not sneak in looks but you caught him doing the same thing a few times, in which both of you just laughed it off. 

“Wow, she’s finally out and about, folks!” Namjoon greeted you as soon as both of you were in sight. 

“I do go out sometimes, you’re exaggerating.” You slapped your friend’s arm jokingly. 

“Buying groceries doesn’t count.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Let’s just leave this guy.”

Taehyung laughed. “Wasn’t planning on letting him trail us anyway.”

“You guys are disgusting. I am busy too, excuse you.” Namjoon shook his head playfully. “Enjoy the show, don’t forget to see the main piece!” He eyed Taehyung, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“We get it. Now shoo.” Taehyung gestured with his hand at the tall guy. Namjoon laughed once again before leaving the two of you. “Shall we?” He asked, gesturing his arm in hopes you would link yours over. 

You nodded and happily obliged. 

He cleared his throat as both of you start walking. “I’m supposed to be your tour guide and I rehearsed my whole opening speech, but now I’m nervous as hell with you being this close to me.”

Your cheeks flushed and you giggled. “It’s okay, let’s just both be visitors today.”

“Alright…” He breathed out. “You can ask questions if you’d like. Not everything here is mine but I know a thing or two about them too.”

Soon your eyes landed on a grayscale painting with random splashes of shapes decorating it. You let go your hand from his arm, stepping closer to the artwork, admiring it from close range. The amount of small details made up for the lack of vibrant colors, the visible brush strokes and different textures made it look very unreal to you. 

“Caught your eye?”

“It must took a lot of time and effort doing all the different textures and details.”

“Yeah, it took me months. Made this while thinking about the last time I fell in love.” He smiled at you. 

You were taken aback. Your eyes went down to the small signature done by the man himself. “One would’ve think being in love involves more bright colors…”

“It was more complicated than that.” He stepped closer and stood next to you, eyes on the painting as well. “There was a mix of emotions in there. Happiness, sadness, the in betweens… But all of that memories belong to my past, hence the gray palette.” 

You were debating if you should ask more about the said past.

“You could ask, you know. If you’re curious…” He said, as if he could read your mind. “It’s okay, we ended on good terms. She just fell out of love. I guess I just bore her.”

“That’s awful. How could someone find you boring?” 

You froze when you realized what you had just said. 

The man chuckled as soon as he heard. “Thank you for the compliment.” 

You turned away, blushing. “Let’s move on.” You walked ahead. 

He followed your pace and walked aside you. “What about you? What’s your past like? If you don’t mind me asking…”

“I don’t really have that much experience.” You said with eyes still roaming the area. “Namjoon didn’t tell you anything?”

“He loves to gossip but he also cares about you very much, so no.” 

You smiled and puffed a sigh. “It might not sound like that much of a big deal, but the last person I dated lovebombed me at the lowest point of my life. I was dealing with the loss of my grandma, moving back to this town to continue her bakery, and he came to me just like that only to leave me for another woman like I was nothing.”

“Hey, that is a big deal what are you even talking about.” He stopped and looked at you, seemingly a bit pissed too after hearing your story. 

“I try not to let it get to me anymore, I guess.” You pulled the hem of his sleeves, signaling him to continue walking further. “It’s getting better now, thank you.”

“Thank you?” He eyed you.

“Yeah, thank you.” You smiled. 

He chose not to question it and just continue the tour with a big grin decorating his face. The two of you continued the tour before Taehyung suddenly stopped you from making a turn to the last room to see. 

“Uh, before you go I need to tell you something… I want you to know that this didn’t happen on purpose.” He plastered a nervous smile. 

“What are you talking about?”

“The inspiration didn’t quite reach me until the very last few days… I was supposed to sculpt a whole different thing, but I ended up with a bust.” 

“Oh? Then I can’t wait to see—“

“Wait,” He grabbed your wrist, stopping you. “I want to let you know that I made this because it’s all that’s been occupying my mind the past few weeks and I don’t mean it in a creepy way… in case you’re offended.” He chuckled nervously again. 

“Why would I get offended?” You looked at him suspiciously. 

He took a deep breath and breathed out heavily. “Let’s go see it.” 

Once you were inside, the first thing that caught your eye was a huge bust sculpture facing back. There was somewhat of a drip effect coming from the neck downwards, huge mess of concrete pooling at the bottom, creating the illusion of an unfinished raw work. From the looks of it, the statue seemed to be of a woman, but you couldn’t judge for sure. As you stepped closer, circling to get a better view, Taehyung quietly followed you from behind. 

You began to notice the ear, the side profile and how oddly familiar looking it was. Once you finally see the full front view, it all made sense to you. 

The sculpture was in fact made to look like you. It had your eyes, nose, lips, everything. It was you, with your hair up like how you would during work hours. 

“T-Tae… is this…”

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at you with reddened cheeks. “What do you think?”

You were still in awe, speechless of seeing a literal art piece of yourself, most importantly, presented to the public eye. You weren’t sure if screaming or crying would be the appropriate way to react. 

Seeing you stunned silent, Taehyung began to panic a little. “It’s creepy, isn’t it? I’m sorry…”

“No!” You quickly voiced out. “It’s just… I’m just loss of words. I can’t exactly believe what I see.” 

“I can’t either.” He said, looking uneasy still. “It just happened out of nowhere. I only realized when I was already halfway done with your nose.”

“I…” You took a good look at the piece again, before continuing. “It’s really beautiful. I wasn’t even sure it’s me until I see the full view.”

“Well, that’s how you look in my eyes.” He giggled. 

You blushed. Clearly you didn’t have any comeback ready in you for this. 

“If you look closely, this piece doesn’t have a name yet.” 

You looked down to see the name plate empty, as told. Then something just connected in your head. This cheeky smart bastard. 

“Wanna name it?” He looked at you with a big contagious smile on his lips. 

You nodded, mirroring the smile he had on. Instead of immediately saying your name, you stepped closer and hugged him, in which he instantly returned, resting his head on top of yours. In his embrace you looked up and finally told him your name. 

The expression he had was mixture of joy and surprise. Both of you bursted into laughter in unison. For a moment, the world seemed to have stopped just for you. You even forgot the existence of other visitors wandering around. It was just you and him. 

Taehyung took out something from his side pocket, a black marker, which he wiggled playfully in front of you. He looked left and right, making sure no one would notice, before he quickly wrote something on the golden plate.

“What if someone sees you?!” You whispered. 

“Don’t worry, Namjoon already knows.” 

He chuckled and took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers together as he led you through the exit. You didn’t get to see exactly what he wrote on the plate, safe to assume it was probably just your name. 

Little did you know, Namjoon had reached the room, examining the new named sculpture, with the word “Love” now scribbled on top of its name plate. He couldn’t help but to be happy for his dear friends. 

Thank you for reading! 🎨

[suzukiblu]

Day twenty of “Kon meets pink kryptonite and decides to fuck Tim and his boyfriend about it” behind the cut. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“Good?” he asks again, back to nuzzling telekinetic touches against the other’s dick; back to squeezing his hand tighter around it for him. His skin’s already starting to prickle again, and starts buzzing as soon as he focuses in on what Bernard’s heart rate is doing right now. It sounds–

It sounds real good, is all. And it still sounds good with Tim’s, too. 

Kon really likes it, that their heartbeats sound good together. Like . . . it’s nice, that they sound good together. Not really something he can put in his folder of things to look at when the world sucks, but . . . definitely still nice, yeah. 

Definitely something he’d want to put in that folder, if he could. 

Tim deserves things that nice, so–yeah. Obviously he would. 

“Definitely good,” Bernard says, just barely breathless, then lifts his head to flash him a wryly affectionate smile as he lets go of his cock to actually get the condom on. Kon holds it for him and reinforces the condom reflexively as Bernard unrolls it, because if it breaks or tears and Bernard has to get another out, he is gonna regret the delay. “Man, you are–you are a fucking experience of a person, seriously.” 

The buzz of those words and that smile sinks straight into Kon’s muscles, and he feels his face flush brightly and like his head could just float away entirely, superpowers or no. 

“Yeah?” he asks, more than a little breathless himself; dropping his head to nuzzle him again now that he’s got the opportunity again and maybe pitching forward a bit too tight up against Bernard again, but–“M’a a nice thing, right? You like getting nice things? Present from your boyfriend, he thinks you'll like me, got me all set up and ready so you can do whatever you wanna, just please like me–” 

“Okay, yeah,” Bernard says a little faintly, then buries a disbelieving laugh in Kon’s shoulder as he grips his hips again and gives them a guiding little tug. “Yeah, you’re definitely a nice thing. Mmph. Good boy, c’mon, c’mere and take a ride. Still all riled up, huh? Still need to burn off all that energy? Go ahead, have some–gngh.” 

That time was definitely because Kon used his TTK to guide the other’s cock in against his hole instead of, like, waiting or anything, but god, he really just–he just– 

“Fuck,” Bernard wheezes, and Kon feels the muscles in his hips just start to shift, and immediately moves down into them and Bernard’s cock just slides in so easy, and Kon moans loud about it. It’s like–it’s like there’s some itch inside him, some weird unfamiliar craving, some–just a different kind of wanting, maybe. Just–just that, maybe. 

It makes him fucking melt, whatever it is. 

“God, that’s still so good,” he manages, half-panting and half a laugh, and Bernard’s hands squeeze his hips and his cock twitches inside him and he feels buzzed. “God, god, can I–can I move, s’it too soon, can I–?” 

“Oh, you know, if you wanna,” Bernard says, voice a little faint again but letting out a half-laugh of his own before he slides his hands down and grips Kon’s ass again; grips it and squeezes, lifting his cheeks a little. “Just make sure you do it pretty, yeah? Tim wants to see his boy feel good.” 

“Gnk,” Kon says, which is definitely not a word, and the buzzing flares into a burn, and he rocks his hips down fully into Bernard’s lap and back up again even as he’s reflexively–adjusting, kind of; shifting his center of balance and his weight and rolling his shoulders back a little; spreading his knees a little farther apart on the mattress. Just–the instinctive little things he learned at shoots and that kind of thing; displaying his back and shoulders better and his ass and thighs too; making himself–pretty, he guesses, for Tim to see. 

Because Bernard told him to, but also because, like–because it’s Tim, and Tim likes to watch, and Kon is very, very happy to put on a show for him.

[ye4gerism]

This has been on my mind for a while and I’m kinda surprised no body really wrote about it but could you please do one were reader basically gets into curly’s ass about jimmy but it kinda leads into a lil heated argument you can chose if it ends on a good note also have a good morning, day or night 😊

𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐊, 𝐄𝐆𝐆𝐒, 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄 - 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

author’s note sorry for the radio silence. i’ve been suffering from writer’s block. working retail during the holidays will do that to you. anyway, enjoy this ficlet.

You were starting to wake. Through your eyelids, you noticed how the room around you began to brighten up. You let out a groan and turn onto your side before proceeding to tap your hand on the side where Curly normally slept…and yet you felt nothing there. Your eyelids flick open in horror.

Curly's side of the bed was empty. You sit up, frantic. Where was he? You look at his dresser, then yours - no note. You scan the room and there isn't any sign that he's gone.

You scoot off the bed and go downstairs. As you descend, you can hear his voice. You follow it into the kitchen where you finally see him standing there, still in his boxers, one hand on his hip, and the other holding his phone against his ear. He looks frustrated, must be that pony job he always complains about.

Curly acknowledges you with a smile before focusing once again on his conversation. "No, that makes no sense! I already told you I was coming here!"

You walk up behind Curly and lean against his back. Your hands run up his torso, feeling up his pectorals and his abs.

“Alright, Jimmy,” he says.

Of course.

You pull away at the sound of that name. You didn't really like how Jimmy presented himself; there was a strange amount of jealousy from his end and he could just never be happy for others. There was already a mutual dislike for each other but your boyfriend, Curly being Curly, takes his job too seriously and lets it spill into his personal life. He thinks he can H.R. his way into making you and Jimmy friends or, at least, respect each other.

Curly hangs up and turns around to greet you. "Good morning, sweetheart." He lights up with these words, no sign of being bothered by his conversation. You decide not to say anything at first. If anything, you were a little annoyed - if he was going to wake up before you, you'd at least hope he'd go out on a run or maybe surprise you with a sweet treat or flowers. You open the fridge in search of something to eat. Milk, eggs, leftover pomegranate.

"Babe?" Curly's head pokes over the fridge. "I said good morning."

You decide to eat the pomegranate for breakfast. Wouldn't want it to go bad.

"I bet it is. How's your boyfriend?" you ask. Curly's face drops. You close the fridge and take a seat by the island counter.

"Hey, don't walk away from me. What's up with you?" he asks. You shoot him a look, then your eyes move to his phone. Curly eyes follow yours and it hits him once his eyes settle on his phone.

"Please don't start. Not this morning."

"Oh, so you're aware. Perfect!" You place your cut pomegranate back in the bowl. "My question is just why? Why do you give him so much...control?"

"Control? I am my own man, you know. Captain of my own ship." You must have hit a nerve because Curly normally doesn't get defensive like this. Using his title to make him seem better? Not a usual practice of his.

"You deliver shit! People at NASA get to brag about going to space to explore! You don't. So don't let your ego get in the way of me questioning your relationship with your idiot friend."

He was Persephone, Jimmy was Hades, and like Demeter, you only had Curly for the spring and summer.

You both stare intensely at each other for a moment and it was the 'let's just hop in the sheets and fuck it out' intensity. You both were genuinely pissed at each other. 

"I'm going to step out," Curly says breaking the silence. He starts to make his way up the stairs. "Yeah, avoid the question of Jimmy, like you always do!" you yell at him.

"Shut up!" He's halfway up the stairs. Your head cocks back. "Did you tell me to shut up?" He's never spoken to you like that - you're not even sure he's spoken to anyone like that.

Curly realizes what he's just said and is equally as shocked by his own mouth. He rushes down the stairs and reaches out to you. When he's close, you turn your body away. "Hey..." he pleads.

"Curly...please go. Go anywhere. I don't know. Go call Jimmy or something. Just get out of my sight." You push your bowl of fruit away from you. Still refusing to face him, you continue, "I will not allow you to talk to me like that. Especially, especially, if we're talking about Jimmy. You must be out of your fucking mind."

He lingers before finally giving in. "Ok...I'll step out for a bit." Curly hesitantly places a hand on your back. You don’t tell him off or recoil. “I’m sorry and…and I shouldn’t have said that to you.”

Of course, he wasn’t going to acknowledge the actual problem - Jimmy. So you choose to let it go because it’s all you can do. Curly gives you the day to yourself before coming home for dinner. A bouquet of your flowers and tons of kisses make up for the quarrel for now.

[dilf-luvr-4evr]

Marry-Me-Salmon | Joel Miller x F!Reader

The amount of game Joel fics aren’t enough‼️ Taking matters into my own hands. Though I think they somewhat behave the same! I saw these recipes of “marry me salmon” going around and got inspired lol. Just tooth rotting fluff and a bit predictable but I just wanna see this man happy :(🩷

(Set in Jackson and Joel lives forever in MY blog ☝🏼)

Joel had bought a ring.

It was like his body moved on its own. When he laid his eyes on the thing, he thought there could possibly be no ring that could be more you.

That was a week ago. Why he bought it, he still doesn’t know. Well.. He knows exactly why. Just didn’t want to do it. Scared to do it. And this is coming from a man who isn’t scared of much.

You were arguably the best thing to ever walk into his life. Why you chose his hard-ass, he’ll never understand. After three years of you shutting him up and convincing him that you love him (you’d make him repeat it too), by default he’d say that yes, you do love him. But deep down, he still has a hard time believing it. He just knows that he’s very scared of losing you. And that he’s a goddamn lucky bastard.

So he decided, he doesn’t want to scare you off until he’s perfectly sure you wanted to be with him (yes, three whole years and he still isn’t sure). The ugly insecure monster within him thinks the day will never arrive. But in the comfortable silence that you two occasionally shared tangled with each other, he somehow had a feeling. Though fleeting, he did feel from the way you squeezed his hand, that you wanted this forever thing just as much as he did. So maybe — just maybe — your words did pierce through him. And he keeps the ring in his back pocket all the time just in case.

A week ago, you had overheard some ladies in the Square telling a story about how her husband of thirty-six years decided to propose to her because she cooked him the marry-me-salmon. You scoffed at the idea. There was no way it was that simple. Right?

Fast forward to present day, a salmon fillet was laid in front of you. You didn’t know how, you didn’t know why, but you managed to pull the strings. Although.. you know exactly why. Just didn’t wanna admit it. Shy to say it. Hence the salmon. You just wanted to cook Joel something nice. A lie you tell yourself.

The problem is, you don’t really cook. You learned to, yes, and occasionally do because of the situation of the world. But the marry-me-salmon intimidated you, the scribbled recipe mocking you from the counter. Were you too desperate? No use crying over spilled milk. Or in this case, killed salmon.

“What’s this I’m smelling?” You can hear the faint sound of Joel’s teasing as he made his way downstairs. You rolled your eyes, knowing he’d make fun of you attempting to cook. Before you know it, he was already behind you, trying to take a peek at what you’re making.

“Go away, it’s a surprise,” you quickly say, rushing to cover the recipe title. You would rather die than have him see that. He chuckled at your panicked reaction and raised his hands up in defeat.

“Alright, darlin’,” he grinned ear to ear, leaving a kiss on the top of your head before retreating to the dining table. “Just don’t burn down the kitchen,” he teased again. You clicked your tongue in annoyance though you can’t help but smile.

You messed up the recipe a bit. And it didn’t help that Joel kept looking up from the book that Ellie lent him to see what you’re cooking. You shouldn’t have said it was a surprise because you’ve got him awfully curious. At least it’s finally finished. You tried to plate it nicely, earning a few chuckles from Joel from how endearing you looked. It was lost on him why you had to be doing all this.

“And what did I do to deserve this?” He asked, cocking a brow at you when you put down the dish in front of him. He immediately closed his book, taking a whiff of the salmon.

“Just.. Cause I love you,” you smiled, taking a seat across him and propping your cheek on your palm. He chuckled again, warmth spreading in his chest. There was no way you cooked for him without any ulterior motive. If Joel learned anything from those three years with you, it is that you hate cooking unless you really have to.

But when you’re this beautiful, speaking to him so softly with that angelic smile? All for him? Joel chooses to believe you. He was a goddamn lucky bastard indeed.

“Well I love you too darlin’, thank you,” he says genuinely in that baritone voice of his. The sweetness of the moment didn’t last very long as he starts cutting the fish and you anxiously waited for his reaction. You just hope that the little mistake you made wasn’t very crucial to the dish. He eventually puts it in his mouth and started chewing.

“Well?” You ask, not even giving him a second. He hummed, taking a moment to process the taste. It was quite alright. He thought it could use more salt.

“S’good,” he nodded with a little smile. You knew damn well he was lying. And you knew that he would finish the whole thing anyway just because you made it. You wondered if the mistake you made had been that bad or if the lady at the square was full of shit.

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” You pouted, pulling the plate and taking a fork to taste it yourself.

“Darlin’, I said it was good,” he insisted, his brows knitted together. He’d tease you til his death but he’s so sweet when he needed to be. It made you feel really bad. You finally tried it yourself and none of you were exactly right. It was just.. Average. Okay. Edible. Just needed more salt. You felt silly for not giving it a taste test before serving it.

“I’ll fix it,” you say, abruptly standing up to look for the salt above the counter. It wasn’t there. You hurriedly searched the kitchen like a cop scanning for drugs.

“Darlin’,” Joel chuckled, standing with you. “Would you just sit down?” You didn’t listen, suddenly remembering that you ate breakfast in front of the TV and brought the salt with you. You were already running to the couch before Joel could stop you.

As he shakes his head with a loving smile, he sees it. The scribbled recipe on the counter. The marry-me-salmon.

He felt like the wind got knocked out of his lungs. This was it. You wanted to marry him. He quickly reached into his back pocket as if he was trained to do so upon hearing the information. His mind was screaming at him, now! Now! Now! Hell, did he even prepare a question?

You got back to the kitchen to find Joel on one knee. A ring between his thumb and his pointer finger. Funny enough, you thought it really was because of the salmon. In a way, it is kind of true. Are all salmons hexed with a marriage spell no matter how bad they taste? Doesn’t matter. Joel Miller, the love of your life, was finally proposing to you. You shakily exhaled as if you’ve been holding your breath for a while.

“Darlin’..” Joel began, his voice shaking. Though he didn’t really know what to say except for the desperation that he felt. The urgency to just be with you. “Please marry me?”

As tears formed in your eyes, still not believing what’s happening, you can’t help but ask him, “Is it because of the salmon?”

my masterlist

thank you for reading!! 🫶🏼

[darksigns-exe]

a prayer to venus - noah sebastian x ofc

warnings: panic attacks, questioning of gender, dysphoria, swearing, handjobs (m receiving), oral sex (f receiving), unprotected intercourse

word count: 21k

note: hi! this is a big boy so i'll keep things brief. special thanks to @deathblacksmoke, @circle-with-me, @sitkowski and @baddestomens <3 thank you for your help with this one.

as this is a very long fic there is a chance that i may have missed a warning. if you do find something that you think should be added please let me know <3

masterlist | taglist sign-up

Watching Maya get ready even though they have nowhere to go quickly becomes Noah’s favourite pastime. She’s humming along to the song playing in the background, not really paying attention to him. He knows that she likes the routine of it. Having a little bit of structure would probably do him good too. Noah’s had so much time to think that he’s starting to get sick of the inside of his own head. 

And it’s only been two weeks with no end in sight. 

The one good thing about this is that he gets to spend as much time with his girlfriend as he wants. Although, he’s sure that Maya will eventually get a little tired of him hanging around like this all the time. Sure, he’s doing his own things. But this will be the most time they’ll have together without a break since they’ve gotten together about two years ago, and he really doesn’t want her to get tired of him. 

He’s been so distracted that he hasn't noticed that Maya had long finished getting ready. 

“We have a problem.” she says, sounding so very displeased. 

Noah snaps out of his thoughts then, “What’s up?”

“Does the internet work on your phone?” 

He checks and – nothing. 

“Again?” 

Noah tries not to sound as frustrated as he feels. This is maybe the fourth time this week that their internet connection just stopped working. According to the provider, there’s nothing they can do about it. A lot of people online or something like that. 

“Let me just text Ellie that I can’t make it to the meeting today, and then we can see what we’ll do.”

Noah watches intently as she types the message into her phone.

As much as this all is going to suck, he’ll get to wake up to her every morning and that makes it a little bit better. 

The day drags by so tortuously slowly. They’ve watched two movies, had lunch and watched another three episodes of a show when the boredom really sets in. 

Maya lies with her head in his lap. The show playing in the background is long forgotten as they both do their own little things. 

“You should let me put make-up on you some time.” It sounds like a desperate attempt to keep herself busy. 

Noah has historically been rather bad at saying no to her, so it’s no surprise that he finds himself sat in front of her little vanity just a little while later. He’s happy to entertain Maya, and the upside of this is that he gets to be so very close to her. Having this time together will be good for them. Not that they’ve been struggling before, but actually getting to be a real couple for a little bit without having to deal with the distance will be nice. 

Maya tilts his chin up just a little. 

“Close your eyes for a moment.”

He has no idea what she’s doing. No amount of watching her do this will make him understand what the individual products she uses are. Whatever she’s doing feels nice, though. 

Maya’s fingers brush across the tops of his cheeks, before he feels the tickling of a brush follow in their path. 

“If you’re not careful, I’m going to force you to wear sunscreen.” Maya says then, and he knows that she’s smiling. 

“Is that a promise?” 

She smacks his shoulder playfully, “It’s a threat.” 

He loves what they have. 

They’d met at a friends’ show, literally bumping into each other at the bar. Noah had been hooked from that first moment. Maya had been the reluctant one. But he’d persevered. Noah had “played” best friend for a year before she’d eventually asked him if he’d like to be her date to her brother's wedding. Maya had caught the bouquet that day. He doesn’t remember how the kiss happened, they’d both had plenty to drink at that point. All Noah remembers is that after that day, everything had changed between them. Sure, he’d slept over at her place before and sure, he’d slept in her bed. But when Noah had woken up that morning, it had all felt so different. They’d never really cuddled, but then he’d woken up to Maya curled against his front, arm slung across his body. They’d sort of stumbled into this relationship, and it had taken Noah a whole month to build up the courage to ask her if they were a thing now. He’ll never forget how Maya had smiled at him then. How she’d asked him if he kisses all of his friends like he kisses her. It hadn’t been long until he’d moved into her place to maximise the time they’d have between tours. 

Two years later, Noah still feels all warm inside when she looks at him like that. 

“Alright.” Maya says finally, “All done. Have to admit, I think I’ve outdone myself.” 

What he sees in the mirror doesn’t immediately reach his brain. 

Noah has always been somewhat sure about himself, albeit a little insecure and unsatisfied when it comes to his height and weight. So really, he can’t explain the feeling that barrels through his brain like a freight train at that moment. He can’t tear his eyes away. Narcissus has nothing on him.

It’s almost as if he’s had a minor problem with his vision and has tried on glasses for the first time. It had never seemed off, but now that something has changed – 

He shoves the thought to the back of his mind. 

Nothing has changed. 

Maya put a little bit of stuff on his face and he can admit that it’s aesthetically pleasing. Nothing more. 

Nothing has changed. 

Noah can pick up on the similarities to how Maya does her own make up. And it feels a little like recognising her handwriting between countless others. Not that he knows a lot about this, but he’s watched her do it for long enough now to have at least a little bit of an idea. 

He finds Maya’s eyes in the mirror. 

She’s plotting something. 

“Can I take a couple of pictures, for reference?” she asks a moment later. 

Noah tries to give an indifferent shrug, “Sure.” 

He’s never worried about that before, and he won’t start now. Maya takes plenty of pictures of him for reference. 

He trots after her into the room she uses as a studio. Noah knows this routine by now. He stands in front of the white backdrop waiting for Maya to get her camera out and ready. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t deny the little pit that still sits in his chest. There’s a tightness there that he hadn’t felt an hour ago. 

Half an hour later, Noah finds himself under the burning hot stream of their shower. Maybe blasting himself with scalding water will make this go away. Surely, anyone would have a brief moment of questioning for lack of a better word if they saw themselves like that. He reasons it’s a normal thing. If you see yourself looking entirely different for the first time, it has to do something to your brain. But it doesn’t have to mean anything. 

When he steps out of the shower some twenty minutes later, he’s managed to quiet his mind somewhat. Noah’s sure that this was just a combination of the make-up and the absolute havoc this lockdown has already caused in his brain. 

It’s a little jarring. 

It’s been a little over a week, and he's still thinking about this. 

Noah shakes the thought from his brain — or tries to at least. The thing is that it’s very persistent. A nagging little thing at the stem of his brain that refuses to leave him alone. 

And worst of all, he can’t even really name it. He can’t pinpoint what it exactly is, and maybe that makes it so much worse. Can’t fight a thing you can’t name and all that. Then again, he doesn’t even know if this is a thing he can fight. 

Noah shakes the mouse to wake his pc up again. He scrolls past countless of unread messages until he finds Nick's contact. 

Are you busy?

His message doesn’t stay unanswered for long, and before long, Nick’s reply pops up on his screen. 

Looking to get your ass beat again? Give me five minutes need to feed the cats

The familiarity of Nick will take his mind off this. It isn’t that Maya didn’t, but every time he looks at her, his chest feels tight with this fucking feeling. Noah feels terrible about it. He hates that this thing has tinged the way he looks at his girlfriend. 

It’s seven when Maya knocks at the door of his little studio space. 

“Dinner?” she asks, poking her head through the crack in the door. 

A quick goodbye to Nick later, they’re seated in the living room, with a spread of styrofoam containers on the coffee table in front of them. 

He’s sure that Maya has ordered about every possible option on the menu of their go-to Filipino place. They’ll have enough leftovers for the next few days. 

Noah ends up with his head in her lap. He loves the attention she showers him with. The manicured tips of her fingers scratch against his scalp, just the way he likes it. He’s long stopped paying attention to the documentary they’re watching. The mix of her touch and the warmth of her body lulls him into a comfortable pre-sleep state. And in this drowsy state, he feels a little bit of peace for the first time in a week. Maybe tearing himself away from Maya like this was the wrong way to go about it after all. 

Noah walks down the hallway. This feels familiar – he knows this venue. They’ve played this venue before. His feet lead him into the last restroom before the stage. The lights are still on. Right, he just saw Folio exit the door. His eyes find the mirror – the softer features, the painted skin. Sometimes it still slips her mind. Maya had helped her again, her hands got too shaky to do her make-up on her own.  This is their first show back.  New album, new everything.  It doesn’t feel as scary as it probably should.  She rights her shirt, tugs on the belt until the buckle is properly centred. Noah hears them outside. She’s sure that she can hear Matt and Nick talking about something in front of the door. Something about the last few shows of the tour selling out too.  They huddle up. Jolly says something about how they’ll be better than ever tonight. She feels Nick squeezing her shoulder. Folio’s excitement bubbles over into her. 

Noah feels incredibly disoriented when he wakes up. He doesn’t usually remember his dreams, and this one was especially odd. He tries to shake it off, tries to remember what had happened before he fell asleep. 

Maya should be here. 

He doesn’t immediately see or hear her. The take out containers are gone too. Noah pulls the blanket she had draped over him up a little higher. He tries to listen for her in the silence of their home. 

Nothing. 

Noah turns over onto his back. 

He stares up at the ceiling for a long while. 

It’s a dream, he tells himself, Nothing more.

Eventually, Noah pushes himself off the sofa. 

His body feels so awfully heavy. The clock on his phone reveals that it’s only been forty-five minutes. He could have sworn that he slept through the night. Although he knows that Maya would never let him sleep on the couch like that. 

Noah decides to go looking for her. She can’t have gone far, not this late in the day. There’s no sign of her in the kitchen or their bedroom. He briefly checks the bathroom too, only to find it empty as well. Which leaves him with one more option. 

The door to her studio is ajar, and he suddenly feels a little foolish for having missed it when he passed by it just a few minutes ago. 

Just for a moment, he allows himself to watch her. The pink of her hair is starting to fade again, and he wonders what colour she’ll dye it next. Since he’s known her, her hair has been about every colour of the rainbow. The pink has been the most permanent colour so far. He likes it on her, it suits her. Noah’s sure that she could show up in the most plain and unexciting thing possible and would still have all eyes on her. Maya has a draw to her – one that he’d experienced first hand. 

Noah slips into the room. Maya doesn’t immediately notice him and continues to do whatever she’s been doing. As he comes closer, Noah sees that she’s looking through a stack of photos. He wraps himself around her, and Maya jumps a little in surprise. 

He rests his chin on her shoulder to see exactly what she’s looking at. 

“I got the last film back.” she explains. 

She pauses on a picture of the Nicks. Folio’s grimace makes both of them laugh. Maya continues to cycle through the photos. She slows when she reaches the ones she took of him the week prior. Almost instantly, Noah’s chest tightens. 

Getting a visual refresher of that day brings that unsettling feeling back. He’d tried to push it so far back into his mind, but now that he’s faced with himself again, it slowly crawls back up his spine. 

“Noah?” Maya’s voice seeps into his brain, “Noah – you’re squeezing me.” 

The edge of panic in her voice snaps him out of it. He hadn’t even realised how tight his hold on her had become. 

“I’m sorry – I completely zoned out.” Noah sputters out quickly. 

“Everything okay, baby?” Maya wriggles out of his hold, turning around so that she can look at him, “You know you can tell me everything, right? If something’s up, please don’t lock me out again.” 

He wishes that he could. But how can he talk about this when he doesn’t even know what to call the thing that is bothering him? Noah knows that Maya won’t dig for an answer, they both know that it’ll only make him close up more. And he knows what she’s trying to do with this, he knows that she’s trying to get him to open up a little further, but it feels so awfully impossible. 

When they go to bed that night, Noah lies awake for what feels like hours. When he checks the clock on his phone again, he once more finds out that it’s barely been over an hour. His mind is racing at a thousand miles an hour, unable to settle on anything for long. Eventually, Noah drags himself out of bed. Phone clutched in his hand, he tip-toes to the living room again. If he can’t fall asleep, he might as well keep himself occupied. 

He sinks onto the sofa, the blanket still draped over the arm where he’d left it just a little bit earlier. For a while, he scrolls mindlessly through different feeds. Noah lets himself be dragged into the endless stream – whatever will take his mind away from this. Noah really doesn’t know where this is going to take him. He’s been sleeping so poorly recently, and maybe it’s good that this is happening now that he’s at home and doesn’t have to stick to a strict schedule. Noah doesn’t want to think about how awful this would be if they were on tour. 

Maybe it’s morbid curiosity that leads him to type his somewhat clumsy question into Google. The first searches don’t really give any suitable answers. Noah can objectively say that he looked good with what Maya put on his face, that isn’t his issue, and he isn’t afraid to admit that either. 

The issue lies deeper. 

Appearance doesn’t match what I have in mind

His hands tremble an awful lot for a thing like this.

Noah taps on the first result.

Most of the answers talk about a thing called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. And while it ticks some of his boxes, he doesn’t think it’s the right thing yet. He doesn’t feel detached from himself either, so those options fly out of the window too. 

Surely, not – 

Noah taps out of the browser on his phone as soon as he reads the word gender. Whatever is wreaking havoc on his mind is not that. He digs his fingers into his thighs. 

The silence of the room is deafening. It rings in his ears. 

Noah knows what a panic attack feels like, and this one is barrelling towards him at full speed. 

His lungs haven’t felt this tight in years. 

It all circles back to this one image – one singular what if. 

The doubt creeps over him like sludge, sticky and viscous. 

Noah staggers into the kitchen, barely feeling stable enough to make the trek. He feels dizzy, disoriented. His vision is narrowed to a small pinpoint, and he knows that he’s bumping into all sorts of things on the way to the sink. He blindly pats around the counter until his fingers curl around the edge of the sink.

The cold water shocks him out of the state of blind panic he’s been in. His hands still shake uncontrollably, but at least he doesn’t feel as if he’s about to empty his stomach out in the next few moments. 

Noah slumps down in front of the counter. 

It can’t be that. 

He’s never questioned himself like that before. 

The light in the hallway flickers on, pulling his attention towards it. 

“Noah?” her voice rings through dimly lit space and finds its way into the centre of his chest. 

He can’t bring himself to reply. The words won’t come. 

He hears Maya’s bare feet on the wooden floors. 

She eventually finds him cowering in the middle of their kitchen. Maya comes to kneel in front of him, hands immediately finding the sides of his face. 

Her words rush right past his ears. Noah lets her wrap him up in her arms. He doesn’t know for how long they sit like this, but eventually, his mind returns to him. 

“Noah, honey.” she speaks softly, fingers still combing through his hair, “What’s going on?”

He swallows the lump in his throat. 

“It’s just a lot.” he says instead of the thousand other things he could say. 

It’s not really a lie, but he still feels impossibly bad. 

For the next five weeks, Noah finds himself spiralling further down this seemingly endless tunnel. For the most part, he sequesters himself to the second bedroom he uses as a studio. All under the guise of feeling so productive. In reality, he sits staring at the monitor for hours and maybe gets a fraction of the work he had planned done. 

There’s no rush to finish the album anyway. 

Who knows when or if they’ll be able to tour again. 

Everything feels as if it's collapsing around him. Every time he thinks that he’s ready to tell Maya that he’s digging himself deeper and deeper into this crisis, Noah feels himself shrinking back into his shell. 

And so he sits in silence, listening to the tormenting thoughts that course through his mind. It’s almost as if they’re taunting him. 

Noah hasn’t dared to look further into the possibilities of what this could be. That one shock of reading  gender and dysphoria had been enough for him. It’s not that he doesn’t agree with that, people can and should do whatever they want with their bodies. 

But he? 

Noah has never questioned his identity like that, he’s never looked at himself and thought what if? And now it’s all he can think about. 

What if he isn’t what he thought he was?

Sure, he’s had moments of insecurity. 

One or the other high school bully had thrown the odd you dress like a girl at him, but that had never really worried him. Before that day, Noah had never looked at himself and felt this disconnect. 

In a desperate attempt to end this day of self-flagellation, Noah finds his way into the bathroom. Maya had once told him that a bath could fix most of her problems, and at this point he’s willing to try everything. 

Running himself a bath like this in the middle of the day does feel a little odd, but he’s done stranger things in recent weeks. 

The hot water does help to ease the ache from his bones. If this does nothing else, he’ll at least feel a little less tense. 

Noah lets himself sink into the water and suds. 

His world is crumbling around him, and he doesn’t know how to stop it. Then again, Noah doesn’t even know if he can or should stop this. 

It’s an odd thing. 

Because when he lets himself glimpse past the denial, something about this feels right. When he lets himself consider it clearly and without judgement, he knows that what he saw in the mirror, the made up feminine face, looked so deeply familiar. 

A long-lost friend.  

In the sanctity and security of this space, Noah lets himself consider this. He lets himself sink under the water. 

What’s the worst that could come of this?

There are the consequences this would have for himself. If he lets himself explore this, he’ll have to deal with a plethora of questions that he doesn’t even know about yet. Deep down, he knows that Maya will be with him no matter what. She won’t judge him for this questioning, they’ve talked plenty about her explorations with sexuality. 

The band is a different thing entirely. He’s sure that none of them will treat him differently, but the fear is still there. There’s no real knowing. 

He doesn’t even want to think about their audience. That’s a bridge he won’t even think about until it comes into view. 

A knock on the door and the call of his name draw Noah out of his thoughts. 

“Honey, are you in there?” Maya’s voice is laced with concern. 

“Yes.” he answers quietly. 

“Can I come in?” 

When he doesn’t answer immediately, she cracks open the door just a little, “Noah?” 

He musters all of his strength to answer, “Come in.” 

Maya slips into the room, the worry on her face breaks his heart a little. 

“I was looking for you all over the place.” she says, as she sits on the edge of the tub, “Everything okay?” 

She reaches for the hand that is nearest to her, carefully tangling their fingers together. 

For a moment, Noah thinks that he should tell her.

In the end, he gives another vague everything is bad, and I don’t know what to do answer. He doesn’t know if Maya actually buys it, but she doesn’t press him further. 

“Do you want to be alone or do you want me to stay here?” she asks eventually. 

“Can you stay?” Noah asks, despite her offering to do so. 

With a little more hot water added to the tub, Maya slips into the tub behind him. Noah lets the mess in his brain float away from him, when he rests his body against hers. Her arms curl around his middle, hands splayed out across his tummy. They sit like this for a while, silence wrapped around them. It’s comfortable, and Noah thinks that maybe he shouldn’t isolate himself as much. 

His breath hitches when her hand drifts a little lower. 

“Is this okay?” Maya sounds so careful and hesitant. 

Intimacy has been tricky.

The anxiety that has settled in his body has made him so tired that he falls asleep before Maya. It’s not that he hasn’t wanted this, and he knows that he’s been neglecting her quite a bit. 

The tips of her fingers skate across his hip, and that breaks his resolve. 

“Please, baby.” he sighs out shakily. 

Noah’s eyes fall shut when Maya wraps her hand around him. He lets himself get lost in the slow movements of her hand. 

She always treats him so well. 

Her lips follow the curve of his neck, leaving a trail of kisses in their wake. Noah sighs when she reaches that one extra sensitive spot on his neck. 

“I missed you.” Maya sounds almost mournful when she speaks, “You’ve been so far away from me.” 

The words burn in his chest. 

He knows it’s true. 

Noah let himself drift away from her, he allowed them to become distant like this. He doesn’t know if he has it in him to tell her about this yet, but he can’t lose her. 

Consciously, this time, he brings himself back to the present moment – to Maya. 

It takes Noah a moment to catch up, and he feels his breath catch in his throat when he really allows himself to feel all of this. His head drops back against her shoulder as she continues to work him towards his climax. He knows that she enjoys this just as much as he does. Noah doesn’t hold back on his moans, not that he has much choice with how good her hand feels on him. 

“Please don’t stop.” He sighs out between laboured breaths. 

Her name is a prayer on his lips. 

The only thing that circles in his mind is her, the way she makes him feel, the way she feels behind him. Noah allows the feeling to swallow him entirely. It drowns out the anxiety, the fear, and instead gives him a soft warmth. The comfort he has been missing slowly creeps back into his body. 

Maya doesn’t let him get back to work after that. He’s glad that she insists that he needs a break — he wouldn’t have allowed himself one. 

Noah lets her pull him into their bedroom, into their bed. For the first time in weeks, he allows himself comfort, a brief respite from the cold he has let himself fall into. 

He doesn’t really register what they watch, and it doesn’t matter that much, either. Maya is curled up in front of him, her back warm against his chest. He buries his face in the side of her neck, lets the soft scent of her shampoo and perfume fill his senses. 

Noah knows that he needs to tell her.

She deserves to know, she deserves to make a decision of her own. 

He almost tells her in that moment. 

But Maya falls asleep before he does, and he shelves the plan just for a while longer. 

He will tell her. 

Noah doesn’t tell her for another few weeks. 

Instead, he crawls back into the dark – willingly this time. 

The more he looks into this thing, the more it darkens his mood. He’d hoped that understanding this would let him open himself to Maya again, but instead they’re just quietly drifting away from each other. 

The thing hangs over them like an oppressive shadow, and he can feel her slipping away. 

Maya is out of bed before he gets up on most mornings. She stays in her studio and only steps out for lunch and dinner. Noah thinks that she looks awfully tired. 

He knows what the right thing is, he knows how he could make this stop, and yet – he feels immobilised by the fear that still clings to him. 

Lately, he’s been pulling away more and more from his friends, too. The last message Nick has sent him has gone unanswered for a few days now. He can’t bring himself to type out whatever lame excuse flits through his mind at that moment. He can’t lie to Nick too. He’s already lying to the most important person in his life. 

Noah knows that he’s letting both of them down with this, and still, the words remain unspoken. 

It’s nearing midnight when he crawls out of bed again. Maya is asleep next to him, but he can tell that she isn’t sleeping well. 

Neither of them has in recent weeks. 

He slips out of their bedroom as quietly as he can and hides himself away in his studio. 

Almost as if pre-programmed, Noah finds his way back to the forums he’s been studying. He’s been reading up on experiences, trying to piece together what this feeling means for him. He knows that this isn’t a black and white thing. It’s awfully complicated and – 

He just manages to slam his phone onto the table when the door flies open. 

“We’re either going to talk this out now or I’m going to Ellie’s for a bit. I cannot deal with you sneaking out of bed every fucking night.” she doesn’t sound angry, and Noah doesn’t need to look up to know that she’s been crying. 

The thought of Maya quietly crying to herself breaks his heart even further. 

“I feel like you’re – drifting away from me, Noah. I don’t know what’s happening. If you – if you don’t want this any more, that’s okay, but please have the decency to tell me and don’t string me along like this.” 

The words hit him like a wall of bricks. 

He knows that he’s been horrible, not just as a partner but as a friend too. But hearing how truly painful his actions – or rather lack thereof – have been feels like the final nail in his coffin. 

“Maya I’m –”

“Don’t say you’re sorry. Just tell me what is going on, please.” 

Even from this distance he can see the furrow in her brow, the quivering of her lip. One hand grips the other so tightly. He only notices now, that she has pulled one of his sweatshirts over her body. 

Noah draws in a deep breath, “I – I don’t know how to explain it really. I have to apologise, though – I need to. You didn’t deserve this.”

Maya slowly comes closer to him, still so very hesitant. 

“Do you remember when you put make-up on me that one day?” she nods, “I don’t know – something about seeing myself like that fucked with my head a little.” 

The concern on her face becomes even more evident then, “How so? I don’t know if I understand.” 

Noah rubs a hand across his face. He can barely stop his knee from bouncing now. The nerves bite at him, gnaw at his resolve. He swallows down the beginnings of tears. 

“It – made me feel – fuck, this is already difficult to make sense of in my head – seeing myself like that felt like I was seeing myself for the first time. I don’t know – I still don’t know what that means for me. I’ve been trying to figure it out and in doing so, I’ve let this happen, and I’m so fucking sorry.” 

Noah can’t stop the tears then. 

A moment passes before he feels hands grasping his. The warmth doesn’t quite reach him yet. 

“Why haven’t you talked to me, Noah?” 

A sob breaks from him, “I wanted to.” 

He feels her forehead dropping against his knees. 

Damp stains his skin. 

Maya kneels at his feet, barely clinging on to his form. There’s something so devastating about that sight. Hearing her quiet sniffles breaks his heart just a little more. Every shake of her shoulders drives the thorn further into his chest. 

He can’t tell how much time passes until she looks up at him again. Her cheeks are red and splotchy, skin stained with tears. 

“I’m sorry that you felt as if you couldn’t talk to me about this. I – feel like I’ve let you down.” she says quietly, “I’m so sorry.” He watches helplessly as rises to her feet once again. 

“You didn’t – I made myself believe that I couldn’t talk to you.” He doesn't know if his words actually help, he hopes that they do, “You’ve always been there for me. This just – I could barely wrap my head around it. And when I figured out what I was even feeling, it fucked with me so much.” 

“I think I need a moment to think and sort my head out. Can we – we should finish this in the morning? It’s late.” 

Noah thinks that he hears a sliver of regret in her voice. It’s hidden behind the obvious pain that colours her features. Knowing that he caused this pain makes his chest tighten up again. 

He nods, fully knowing that nothing he has to say right now will change this. 

Noah doesn’t question when Maya doesn’t follow him into their bedroom. The sting of it still stays with him when he crawls back under the duvet. He can’t shake the look on her face from his mind. 

He’s never seen Maya look this hurt. 

Noah hates that it has taken him this long to realise that he cannot let things go on like he has. They both deserve better than this. He won’t let himself sit in this silence, and he won’t let her suffer at his hands any more. 

Tomorrow he’ll put his cards on the table, no matter how terrifying it is. It’s not just about being honest to her any more, it's about being honest to himself. 

He lasts maybe thirty minutes on his own, before he finds his way back into the living room. He finds Maya cradling a cup of tea in her hands. The skin below her eyes is still damp with tears. 

Silently, he holds his hand out to her. 

Maya hesitates for just a moment, before she sets her cup down on the coffee table. As soon as her hand is in his, he pulls her in. Maya wraps herself around him, face buried against his chest. Her hold on him should feel suffocating, but in this moment it’s exactly what he needs. 

“I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but we’ll figure this out. I’m here for you no matter what, okay?” 

Noah has to choke back a new wave of tears. 

“I know.” 

“I love you and nothing will change that.” her words sink into his chest. 

It’s been too long since he heard her say it – or said it himself. 

“Promise?” Her arms tighten around him just a little bit more, “I promise, Noah.” 

“I love you too.” he says finally, and he feels Maya relax a little against him, “Let’s go back to bed, okay?”

He wakes with Maya still wrapped around him. 

Her hand is warm on his chest, and for the first time in weeks, he doesn’t wake up with an ache in his jaw. 

The morning continues slow. 

He exits the bathroom to the sight of Maya getting the rest of their breakfast ready. They eat outside in their little garden, the silence is for once comfortable. 

The weight on his shoulders feels a little bit lighter. 

But the prospect of the conversation they still have to hold still lingers over him. Noah can’t deny that it terrifies him. Knowing that he’ll have to voice this thing out loud shakes him to the core. He still isn’t sure how he’s supposed to put all of this into words. 

He feels a hand on top of his. 

“Noah?” she asks softly, “You’re getting awfully quiet again.” 

Might as well rip off the band-aid now. 

“I don’t really know how to say this. I’m still trying to figure out what this means for me. I never really questioned how I see myself before that day. And seeing myself like that, it – scared me a lot. It still does to be honest.”

“When you say question – just so we’re both on the same page – what do you mean?”

He draws in a shaky breath, “I don’t know if guy is the right way to describe myself. I don’t know what the right thing is, but I know that it’s not that.” 

Noah doesn’t dare to open his eyes. 

Her hand squeezes his. 

“Noah, honey.” Maya says softly, “Can you look at me?” 

He forces his eyes open and slowly turns to look at her. 

“This is okay. It’s okay that you’re questioning this. And I wish that I could have been there for you.” she looks at him with so much genuine honesty, “Whatever you decide doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

He whispers a quiet thank-you. 

“What do you need from me right now? How can I help?” 

“Just be you. I think I need that constant.” Noah feels a little silly saying it, putting it like that, but the comfort of her is exactly what he needs. 

“I can do that.” Maya says with a nod, “But Noah, please talk to me. Don’t shut me out like that. I don’t want you to be alone with this.” 

He squeezes her hand in response, “I’m sorry for how I treated you these last few weeks. That wasn’t fair, and I’m very sorry.” 

“It’s okay. We just won’t let it get that far again. Promise me that.” 

He gives a nod in reply, “Promise.” 

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

“I know you will.” 

Maya pulls him in for a kiss, “Good. Let’s get this inside. I still have to finish the piece I’m working on.” 

“What are you working on anyway?” 

For a moment, everything feels normal. They’re cleaning up the remnants of their shared breakfast, talking about what they’re working on. Noah has missed hearing about her work. He loves the pretty animated look she gets when she talks about her current project. 

“I thought we could go for a little drive? Get out of the house for a little bit, maybe get something to snack on?” Maya proposes as she hops up on the counter, “What do you think?”

Noah comes to stand in front of her, hands naturally finding their way to the tops of her thighs, “Think that would be nice. I’m getting kinda sick of being inside all the time.” 

Maya drapes her arms over his shoulder, fingers lacing together behind his neck, “Tell me about it. Getting out of the house for a little bit will be good for us.” 

An hour later, Noah pulls out of their spot on the side of the street. In the corner of his vision, he can see Maya scrolling through her phone, most likely trying to decide which playlist she wants to put on. 

She eventually settles on her go-to, and the familiar intro of some Arctic Monkeys song warbles through the speakers. 

They drive for maybe ten minutes before Maya speaks up again.

“Please tell me if I’m touching on something you’re not ready to talk about. But I have a few questions, if that’s okay?” She sounds so hesitant, carefully dancing around the topic. 

Maybe if he’d done this all differently, things would feel so stilted now. 

“Sure. I don’t know if I can answer them, though. It’s all — I don’t know if I really know what this all means for me, you know?”

“Was it really the makeup that set this all off?” 

He nods, “I think seeing myself like that dug something up that I managed to hide so well that I didn’t even know about it.” 

“You never questioned it before that day?”

“Not that I can remember.” Noah replies, he’s thought about it often enough in the last few weeks to at least be sure of this. 

He tries his best to answer the questions Maya throws at him. Many of them still feel unclear to him. But openly talking about it for the first time helps – maybe if he’d felt a little bit braver, this would have been so much easier. He’s always found solace in her, and maybe he should have known that speaking to someone about this would help. 

They end up in a car park overlooking the ocean. It’s quiet – everything is at the moment. But for once, his mind is also quiet. They sit on a low wall, quietly talking for a little while longer. Noah lets his head drop to her shoulder, as they watch the slow ebb and flow of the water before them. 

Maya’s hand is warm on his thigh, it rests high on his leg in that comforting way. She does it when they’re out together and the clutch of anxiety is wrought tightly around him. Once in a while, he feels her fingers pulse against the inside of his thigh, like a friendly reminder that she’s still beside him. 

“I got everything for flatbread pizzas when I ordered groceries yesterday. Before you ask, I got the nice tomatoes.” 

For the first time in weeks, Noah hears himself genuinely laugh out loud. 

Getting out of the house for a while, even if it’s just to sit and talk, makes his chest feel a little less tight. The anxiety is still there, but it’s not quite as strangling any more. 

“Come with me for a minute, will you?” Maya asks when she unlocks their front door.

Naturally, Noah follows her into her studio. 

He hasn’t been into her space in weeks. The familiar scent of her paints and inks filters into his senses. Noah wonders what she’s been working on. 

The easel is still covered by an old duvet cover. He remembers it from Maya’s old apartment, the little one bedroom with the leaking faucet in the kitchen that would drive them absolutely insane at night. 

“It’s a little funny – I didn’t know what that moment did for you. I just thought that you looked so –” she gesticulates trying to find the right word before settling on something, “Beautiful. I had to do something with it.” 

She steps away from the easel, motioning for him to remove the cover. 

Noah doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so nervous. Maya has shown him plenty of her work before, but something about this feels different. 

His hands tremble a little when he reaches for the fabric. He’s learnt the hard way that he can’t just yank it off. Noah lifts the duvet over off the canvas, gathering it up in his hands. 

What he sees on the canvas makes his breath catch in his throat. 

The inspiration is clearly visible, but Maya’s mark is what makes it truly special. He can recognise himself, the way he looked that day, but there’s something otherworldly about the way Maya has portrayed him. He’s never understood how she makes her work look as if it’s shiny like this. 

Once again, Noah is transfixed by his own appearance. 

His eyes race across the canvas, unable to find a point to focus on. There’s something soft and — feminine to it. His heart thumps in his chest. 

Noah feels Maya coming up next to him. Her hand wraps around his, as she presses up next to him. 

“What do you think?” she asks quietly, and Noah doesn’t miss the hint of insecurity in her voice. 

“That’s how you saw it?” 

He sees her nod in the corner of his vision. 

“I don’t know what to say. This – this is amazing. Thank you, my love.”

Maya pulls their joined hands up, pressing a kiss to the back of his, “Of course. I’ll do whatever I can to help you with this. Doesn’t matter what it is.”

It takes him a few more days to build up the courage to ask her again. Last time, Maya had been the one who brought it up, but Noah knows that he’ll have to ask for it. She had said that she’d help him with whatever, and he knows that Maya will not judge him for it. She’s made that very clear. Noah repeats the words in his head like a mantra, trying to cement them there.

Things had normalised somewhat in the last few days. They’d had a few more very honest conversations, tears had been shed, but at the end of the day, one thing became clear. Actually, speaking about this was more helpful than it was scary. Maya had offered him some much-needed perspective and comfort, and all things considered, things weren’t looking too bad. 

With this new-found confidence, Noah pushes his way into the bathroom, where Maya is still going through her morning routine. He wraps his arms around her middle, placing his chin on top of her shoulder. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, finding her eyes in the mirror. 

She meets his glance, giving him a soft smile.

“You wanna try?” she asks. 

Noah gives a hesitant nod. 

“Let me finish up, and then I’ll walk you through it.” 

He stays, watching her move through the surprisingly intricate routine. Eventually, Maya hops up onto the counter, urging Noah to come closer. He steps between her thighs, placing his hands on top of hers. 

“Step one.” Maya picks up her face wash, holding it out to him, “Don’t think I have to explain this bit to you.” 

She walks him through the steps, patiently explaining what each product does. Her little tinctures and creams leave the skin of his face feeling as soft as ever before. 

Maya picks up the tube of sunscreen, squirting some of it onto her fingers. She dabs it all over his face, placing the final dot onto the tip of his nose with a giggle. 

“I know we’re inside a lot at the moment, but you have to wear sunscreen.” There's still humour in her words, but he knows that she’s serious, “I can’t believe that Nick hasn’t gotten on your ass about it yet. With how many tattoos you have, I would have expected that someone would have told you that you need sunscreen at some point.”

He spreads it across his skin, occasionally​​ checking the mirror behind Maya. 

“What now?” he asks finally. 

“All done.” 

He hesitates for a long moment, eyes flitting between his reflection and Maya. 

“Do you – if you have the time – could you do my make-up again?” Noah asks quietly. 

Maya breaks into a smile, “Sure. I could also just show you how to do it yourself?” 

Once again, Noah finds himself sitting in front of her vanity. The items on the table in front of him seem endlessly confusing. Despite how much time he has spent watching Maya do this, he feels so very clueless right now. But Maya is patient and slowly walks him through it this time. 

It’s by no means perfect, but the routine Maya proposes is simple enough for him to recreate on his own. 

And at the end of it, Noah finds himself once again faced with this version of himself. It’s a little different from the last time, but he still finds comfort in what he sees. 

Maya drops her head to his shoulder, looking at him in her mirror. 

“I stand by what I said, you look so beautiful like this.” Her voice is so soft. 

Noah can barely contain the smirk that forces its way onto his face, “And not without it?” 

She smacks his thigh, “Beautiful either way.”

“I’m still not sure about what this all means for me, but – I think I want to try they.” his voice wavers just a little towards the end. 

“In addition to he?” Maya asks then. 

Noah nods, “Just he doesn’t feel like it’s – enough?”

Maya gives a squeeze to their thigh. It’s comforting, reassuring. 

“I’m glad that you’re allowing yourself to explore this, love. It’s a big thing, but I’m so proud of you for letting yourself do this.” The genuine warmth in her voice wraps around his mind like a warm blanket. 

Noah turns as best as he can with how they’re positioned. They press a kiss to Maya’s temple, lingering there for just a moment. 

“Thank you. Really.” Noah whispers. 

The moment feels too tender for anything else. 

Noah lets himself sit in the feeling for a while. They feel Maya’s eyes on their face, quietly observing – admiring, perhaps. 

Maya lifts her head, forcing Noah to do the same. She shifts, now sitting sideways on the little bench. 

“Look at me, will you?” 

She gently guides him towards her, hand soft on his cheek. 

“I love you so much.” her thumb drifts across their cheek, “Don’t forget that.” 

“I love you too.”   

She pulls them in for a kiss. A soft little thing that makes them feel so very loved. Noah drops his forehead to hers when they part. 

Having her at his side for this will make it so much better. 

Somehow, Noah hadn’t thought that things would be so normal. They’d expected that everything would feel just a little different, but in reality, life just goes on. But then again, things are still very far from being normal. 

He’s actually managed to get some real work done. 

His shoulders feel a little bit lighter now that he’s not bearing this alone any more. 

They’ve adapted a version of Maya’s skincare routine for themself. Maya has helped him find things that work even better than her products do. He’s dipped his fingers into Maya’s makeup, too, trying to get a feel for it. Noah thinks that they’re starting to get the hang of it. 

Fingers tap on his shoulder, making him jump. 

Maya looks at him expectantly. 

“Something up?”

“I love that you’re doing this, but you’ve used up some pretty expensive products. I think it’s time that we’ll get you your own stuff.” 

Noah finds a smile on her face, despite the stern words. 

“I didn’t even realise.” Noah replies feebly, “I’m sorry.” She squeezes their shoulder, “I’m not mad. But having your own things might be nice for you, too.” 

“Can we do that online?” 

Noah doesn’t know if he’s quite ready to do this in public yet. Maya seems to pick up on his hesitance, though, and nods quickly. 

“Of course.” she presses a kiss to their cheek, “Why don’t you wrap this up so that Jolly can stop badgering me about when you’re going to send him that demo, and then we can do a little shopping?” 

He joins her in the living room a good thirty minutes later. Maya has already pulled up a variety of sites on her laptop when they sit down next to her. It takes Noah a moment to really feel comfortable picking something out, but with a little bit of nudging from Maya, they end up making increasingly braver choices. 

Noah picks out some things that he knows from Maya, others he selects just because they look interesting. If he’s experimenting with things, he might as well do it properly. 

By the end of their little digital shopping trip, the cart is filled with all sorts of things. Everything from the basic things to a variety of highlighters, glitters, and things Noah doesn't even know the name of. There are doubles of some items, things that Maya had found interesting, too. He doesn’t want to think about the total, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter that much. Having this additional thing that they can share feels good. 

There’s something intimate about this. 

Noah has never been good at letting his walls down, and this whole experience has been a struggle from the start. But they’re glad that they have the option to do this in a moment like this. They’re safe in their home with the person they love. There’s not much more they could ask for. 

Noah lets his head drop to her shoulder. 

With the laptop forgotten on the coffee table, Maya quickly finds her way into Noah’s lap. Her lips trail up the side of their neck. Their hands rest on Maya’s waist, slowly skating upwards under her shirt. 

It feels like it’s been ages since they’ve been together like this. It’s been a few weeks since Maya had gotten them off in the bathtub. But since then, so much has changed. 

Maya kisses her way along Noah’s jaw, before she finally brings her lips to theirs. 

One of her hands rests against the side of their face, while the other threads into the hair at the back of their neck. 

Maya grinds down against them, and Noah can’t hold back the whine that bubbles up in their throat. Her body is so soft under their hands, and they want nothing more than to give themself to her. Noah wants to melt into her touch, fall apart at her hands. The warmth that radiates off her body seeps into his. 

Maya moans against their lips when Noah pulls her closer. 

They feel Maya bringing a hand between their bodies. Noah knows what her destination is, they know where she is headed. And when her hand presses against their crotch, it’s as if a switch is flipped in their head. 

Cold fear washes over their body. 

Noah rears his head back, trying to draw much needed air into his lungs. It takes Maya a moment to catch up, but as soon as she does, her hands leave their body, and she moves back just enough. 

“I can’t.” Noah says quietly, shame slowly creeping up his back.

He doesn’t quite know where this sudden fear is coming from, but he can’t bear the thought of being touched like this right now. Noah feels his hands trembling against her skin and quickly pulls them away. 

Maya remains where she is, quietly watching them for a moment. 

“Baby it’s okay.” she says after a long while, “We don’t have to do anything. If you don’t feel comfortable with this at the moment, that’s okay.”

Noah runs a clammy hand across his face. This is not how he’d wanted this to go. The panic spiral is slippery, and trying to keep himself from sliding is turning out to be quite tricky. 

“Noah.” Maya’s voice barely manages to break through the fog in his brain, “Honey, can you look at me for a moment?” 

Noah draws in a shaky breath before they look up and at her. 

“It’s okay. I understand that things are difficult right now. I should have asked if you’re okay with me touching you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t.” Maya says softly. 

Noah drops his head for a moment. This whole thing makes everything so much more complicated. 

“I didn’t think that I’d react like that, either.” Noah shoots back quickly, “I don’t want you to feel bad. This is not because of you. It’s – just there’s this disconnect, you know?”

Maya looks at him with that same worried expression he’s been faced with more times than he dares to count in recent weeks. 

“It feels a little as if what’s in my head doesn’t really match up with this any more.” They gesture towards themself, “It’s good most of the time, but just now it felt like everything is wrong.” 

Maya wraps herself around them. 

She doesn’t have to say a word for Noah to know what she feels. It’s comfort in its purest form. An unspoken I may not understand entirely, but I’m here. 

She’s warm and soft, and Noah feels terrible for neglecting her like this. They can’t imagine that any of this is easy for her, too. 

They stay like this for a long while, eventually moving over into the bedroom to watch a few episodes of a show they’d started a while ago. Noah lets themself sink into Maya’s embrace, allowing the worries on their mind to drift away for just a moment. 

Some things will never change – Noah hates doing laundry. It’s tedious, it’s annoying, but they’d agreed to split chores when this lockdown started, and they’re not about to let Maya down. 

They drop the freshly tumble-dried garments into the basket before picking it up. He’ll fold everything as he’s putting it away. 

Things have settled a little bit more. 

Another evening of research, this time with moral support from Maya, had revealed that the thing they’d experienced a few days earlier had, in fact, been a bout of gender dysphoria. It had rattled them a little bit more than they’d liked to admit, but Maya had assured them that they’d be able to manoeuvre this together. 

They’re inclined to believe her. 

And really it made sense.

Throughout all of this, Noah has felt as if something didn’t match up. And if they’re honest with themself, they’ve known what it is since that first day. 

Coming to terms with it is a different thing. 

Maya hadn’t said anything about it, but they’re sure that she knows by now. Noah’s glad that she’s allowing them to do this on their own terms. They’re still not sure where this’ll take them, but one thing’s for sure they’re not going back where they’ve been before. 

Noah plucks one of Maya’s skirts from the laundry basket. 

It’s the one they love seeing on her. A pretty little thing that they’ve shoved their hand under on more than one occasion. 

An idea springs into their head then. 

Trying it on can’t hurt. 

And if they’re already exploring make-up, why not expand to clothing too. 

Their hands tremble when they hold the skirt out in front of their body. It should fit, the fabric is just elastic enough. Noah pushes their sweats down. It takes them a few moments to build up the courage to pull the skirt up and over their waist. 

Their eyes remain low, unable to look at their reflection. 

Noah draws in a deep breath. 

Their chest fills with an odd warmth. 

The hem of the skirt hits just above the middle of their thighs. 

They can’t stop looking. 

Noah pulls their shirt up, pulling it back so that it fits a little tighter around where the waistband of the skirt sits, in an attempt to emulate how Maya would wear it. 

Their heart pounds so incredibly fast.

The shape of their body still feels too boxy, too much like guy, but something about this itches a very specific spot in their brain. 

Their hands drift across their body, trying to imagine a softer, less angular shape. It feels good. 

Another thought pops into their head then. 

They open Maya’s side of the closet. 

Maya won’t judge them for this. She’s said multiple times that she’ll support whatever they need. 

For the first time, they allow their fingers to pass over the pretty dresses Maya wears with the intention of picking something for themself. 

They don’t want to risk stretching out any of her clothes. Maya has a few more loose fitting dresses, one of those will be just fine. 

They pluck a little black number from the rail. They know what it looks like on Maya. The deep v neckline looks gorgeous on Maya, and suddenly Noah has to know what it will look like on their body. 

Their hands don’t shake as much any more when they unzip the skirt and take off their shirt. Slipping the garment over their head is so easy. And they’re not as scared of looking at themself this time around. 

The sleeves are a little too short on them, and it all feels a little uncomfortable at first, but Noah is willing to blame that on them not being used to dresses. 

The fabric feels good on their body. It’s soft and light and the longer they look at their reflection, the more they get used to it. 

Pulling their hair up with the claw clip they’d borrowed from Maya a while ago settles the nerves in their belly even more. For a moment, Noah considers the additional box of make-up that now sits on Maya’s vanity, and eventually decides that just a little bit will be enough. Their hand rifles through the box until they pluck a tube of lightly tinted lip gloss from it. 

Noah feels quite secure with this by now. Applying the gloss is no issue at all. The colour is fairly sheer, and they don’t have to be super precise with it. 

When Noah steps back in front of the mirror, their breath catches in their throat. It feels as if things have clicked into place. Their eyes flicker across their reflection. 

When seeing themself in make-up felt good, this feels – euphoric. 

The small edge of panic that tries to make itself known is drowned out by how good it feels to see themself like this.  

Noah curses themself for forgetting their phone in the living room.

They can always recreate this moment. 

Noah takes a few more moments like this, finishing the laundry they have to fold while still wearing the dress. 

Taking it off again feels a little sad. It’s not like Maya would be judgemental of it, but they don’t feel quite ready to share this yet. 

Maya will understand. 

With everything returned to normal, Noah quickly wipes the gloss from their lips. When they return to the bedroom, they find the door just slightly ajar. Noah is sure that they’ve closed the door before they had tried on the skirt. 

Maybe they had left it open after all. 

Noah finds Maya in the kitchen, working on their lunch. They wrap their arms around her middle, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. 

“What are you making?” 

Maya leans back against them, and Noah can’t stop themself from pressing another kiss to her cheek. 

“Pasta. With all of the leftover veggies we still have. The cheese will save it.” she replies, letting herself sink further against Noah. 

If she saw something, Maya doesn’t let it on.

“Do you want to get ice cream later?” they ask, now fully resting their cheek against Maya’s. 

“Would love that.”

It was a slow realisation. 

Noah doesn’t exactly know when it clicked. They had long realised that he was not only insufficient to describe themself but also plain wrong. They’d tried to look at themself in the mirror and think of it, only to feel a little nauseated. 

It had started to bleed into other spaces too. Hearing Nick call them dude made them cringe, but they bit through it, not feeling quite ready to share this with someone else yet. 

Noah is sure that Nick wouldn’t have a problem with this, but there’s still that lingering fear. They’ve read too many reports on best friends turning on people after any kind of coming out. And there’s simply too much at stake here. 

Noah wants to be absolutely sure of this before he tells anyone else. The first step to that is talking to Maya.

They splash another handful of ice-cold water into their face, in the hope that it’ll ease their nerves at least a little. 

The realisation had really hit them this morning. 

They don’t know what exactly triggered it, but somewhere between washing their face and brushing their teeth, things had started to make sense. 

Noah looks up at the mirror. 

Their fingers drift across their freshly shaved cheeks. Noah’s been keeping up with it a lot more. They have never had a lot of facial hair, but keeping their face smooth eased some of the ache in their chest. 

It’s still a little difficult to see anything but guy when they look in the mirror. On some days, it's easier for Noah to imagine their features a little softer, more feminine. Today is, thankfully, one of those days. 

They’ve managed to shed their fear of the word feminine, slowly realising that maybe it was a more accurate way to describe how they feel about themself. 

Noah swallows a breath. 

The thought reverberates around their brain. 

What if? 

Noah thinks about the moments that have made them feel most comfortable in recent weeks. They think back to the afternoon when they tried on one of Maya’s dresses. It stands in such a stark contrast to the times when they have to put on this masculine facade.

There really isn’t a lot to debate here any more. 

Noah goes to find Maya. 

She has to be the first one to hear about this. 

They find her working on a small illustration in her studio. 

They’ve been talking about the new album they’ve started to work on. Progress is slow, but it is progress. And Noah’s enthusiasm for the concept seems to have coloured off on her too. Noah has a few of her sketches taped to the wall behind their monitor. 

Noah knocks on the frame of the open door. 

Maya looks up at them with a soft smile, “Hi baby.” 

“You got a moment for me?” They hope that they don’t sound as nervous as they feel. 

She pushes away from her desk, pulling the second chair towards her. 

“For you, always.” 

Noah sits, wringing their hands together in their lap. 

“Everything okay?” Maya reaches out to place her hand over theirs. 

This feels like an awfully daunting thing.

In a way it is, even though they know that Maya will be with them. 

Noah nods, “I think I have to drop the he.” they choke the words out before they manage to get caught in their throat. 

Maya blinks at them for a moment, before she nods. 

For a brief second, Noah thinks that she isn’t impressed, but then her lips twist into a smile. 

“Just they?” she asks curiously. 

Noah thinks. 

They know their answer. 

“Doesn’t feel like it’s enough, you know?” they reply. 

There’s a little bit of hesitance in Maya’s face. Her brow furrows, in that way it does when she’s trying to make up her mind about something.  

“I mean, there’s always she. You have been leaning towards more feminine things.” she says quietly. 

Noah’s heart thumps a little.  

They feel their lips beginning to tremble. 

It’s not panic – this is relief. 

Hearing her say it first makes it less scary. 

“I think I like that.” 

Noah presses her lips together. 

“I am so proud of you, baby.” Maya squeezes their hands, “And I love you so much.” 

“Promise?”

“I promise. Pinky promise.” she gives another squeeze, “And I’ll tell you as often as I have to.” 

Noah feels herself smile. 

It feels so new, but thinking of themself like this feels good – right. 

“Do you want to keep using they?” Maya asks then. 

She nods, “I like it. Both feels right.” 

Maya’s free hand finds its way to the side of Noah’s face. She carefully guides her closer, until they finally meet. It’s just a soft little thing, but it eases some of the weight from their shoulders. 

Maya scoots a little closer, her hand still covering Noah’s. Her gaze is soft and warm, and can practically feel the love seeping into her own skin. This whole thing is scary and exciting in equal measures, and while she’s sure that it will stay scary for a good while longer, she feels hopeful. 

The heavy weight of the last months doesn’t feel quite as heavy any more. There are still a few things that terrify them, but the biggest hurdle seems to be behind them. 

Noah can’t stop the tears then. 

Not a second after the first tear has fallen, Maya wraps herself around them. She holds Noah while they cry. The weight of his realisation still feels heavy, it’s still so daunting and new and overwhelming. 

It feels good to let all of it out. 

At some point, Maya moves them over into the living room. Noah doesn’t know or care how much time passes. All they know is that they feel a little bit lighter when they untangle themself from Maya.

“Feeling a little better?” Maya asks softly, tracing her fingers across Noah’s cheek.  

Noah nods, “Thank you for being – so understanding with all of this. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

“Luckily, we don’t have to think about that.” Maya says with a smile, “I know this is a lot for you, and I’ll take whatever I can off your shoulders. And please tell me if I say something that doesn’t feel right for you.” 

Somehow, Noah had thought that everything would change now. And sure, things do feel a little different. But not in the way that Noah had thought. Maya doesn’t look at her differently, doesn’t treat her differently. Maybe she’s a little more affectionate at the moment, but Noah can’t complain about that. 

She loves waking up with Maya wrapped around her, loves feeling the kisses she presses against her skin when they’re still drowsy and barely roused from sleep. They’ve always been soft like this with each other. Maya has always showered them with so much affection and love. She’s always called her pretty, but now it scratches that spot in the back of Noah’s brain like little else does. 

“Have you thought about telling them yet?” Maya asks, carding her fingers through Noah’s hair. 

She looks up at Maya and finds nothing but that softness she’s grown to love so much. 

“I should probably do it sooner rather than later. Just in case, you know? I don’t think anyone’s going to be weird about it, but you can never know.”

“If someone is getting weird about it, they’re not worth your time or energy.” Maya says softly, “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I know it’s scary, though. Maybe you could start with Nick?”

“Can you stay with me when I call him?”

“Of course.” she taps her finger against the tip of Noah’s nose, “It’ll go fine, though. You know Nicky. He loves you.” 

Maybe that’s the scary thing about this. 

The dynamic between her and Nick never changed, they’ve grown up sure, but in their essence they’ve always been the same. Deep down, she knows that things with Nick will go fine, but she can’t deny the lingering fear. 

Noah decides to give herself the weekend to prepare. They’ll call Nick on Monday morning and just get it over with. 

As daunting as this is, they know that they’ll have to tell him eventually. The rest of the band needs to know at some point, although they’re really not looking forward to informing the label. Noah has already made up their mind about not wanting to address this more than necessary. They don’t want a big statement unless it is absolutely necessary. They’re sure that people will want to know more, but right now, Noah really doesn’t want to elaborate on how or why they came to this conclusion. 

As much as they know that they have benefitted from hearing other people's stories, they don’t quite feel prepared to elaborate on the mental agony of the past few months. 

Maya had brought up the rather touchy subject of therapy again, only this time Noah hadn’t protested it as much as she had before. 

It’s probably a good idea. 

Talking to Maya about this helps, but there’s only so much she can do before she reaches the end of her admittedly limited knowledge. And really, Noah doesn’t want to load even more onto her shoulders. 

Noah spoons another blob of hummus onto the plate. 

They have an afternoon of movies planned. Noah is happy to be away from band related things for a little bit. They’ve been working on the album with a lot more intention recently, but for the moment Noah needs to think about other things. 

A pair of arms wraps around her middle. 

“Is that the good hummus?”

Noah hums in response. 

“Do we have those caramelised onion crackers too?”

“I got a bag when I went to the store earlier.”

Maya doesn’t need to know yet that they got two just in case. 

“You are the best.” Maya presses a kiss to her cheek, “Thank you, sweet girl.” 

Noah tenses in her embrace. 

Sweet girl. 

They’d loved it when Maya had referred to them as sweet boy. Hearing the term like this feels – surprisingly good. 

Noah hadn’t put a lot of thought into that side of things. She’d been so busy figuring out that boy wasn’t for her that she hadn’t considered if girl was the right thing. 

“Noah?” Maya asks quietly, “I’m sorry if that wasn’t okay. I know we haven’t talked about that yet. It just – it just kinda slipped out.” 

They’re not opposed to it. 

Right now, it feels terrifying, but Noah has learnt that these things only feel scary because they’re new. 

“It’s okay.” they reply, still somewhat absent-minded, “I think I like it.” 

“You think?” 

“It doesn’t feel bad. It’s just new, and I’m not really used to it yet.” 

Maya kisses her cheek once again, “I know it’s a lot. You’re doing a lot of new things at once at the moment. I’m more than happy to keep reminding you that you’re the prettiest girl, if that’s what you need.” 

Noah wriggles her way out of Maya’s grasp, turning around so that they can look at her properly. 

“If I’m the prettiest girl, what does that make you?” 

“You tell me.” the little smirk on Maya’s lips makes her pulse speed up. 

“Can we settle on a tie?” Noah places her hand on Maya's waist, easing her closer. 

“I think we can arrange that.” 

Maya pushes up onto the tips of her toes to kiss Noah again. The kiss teeters on the edge of becoming more, but Maya pulls away before her hands have a chance to wander around Noah’s frame. 

“And now get that snack plate ready, I want to start our film.” 

Monday eventually rolls around, and somehow Noah doesn’t feel less nervous. In fact, she thinks that she’s somehow even more nervous about the whole thing. 

She had texted Nick before breakfast to ask if he had time for a call later. 

They’d barely managed to get all of their breakfast down, but Maya had insisted that they should eat at least a little bit. 

“It’ll be okay. You’ve known Nick long enough to know that this won’t change how he sees you.” Maya gives their hand a little squeeze as she speaks, “I’m here as back up.” Noah draws in a deep breath before they tap on Nick’s name. 

It feels like forever until he finally picks up the call. 

There’s a little bit of talk about the album and Nick complains about being stuck on one song before he eventually remembers that Noah probably had something they wanted to discuss. 

“Did you want something specific?” 

Noah swallows a breath and Maya gives them a reassuring nod. 

“Actually, I did –” they pause, having suddenly forgotten everything they’d planned to say.

They find Maya’s eyes and the softness within them. She mouths a you got this at her, and Noah wants to believe her so desperately. 

“You know how I’ve always kinda struggled with how I look?” she starts, hoping that Nick remembers the times he had to talk them out of the spirals of self-hatred. 

“Sure do.” 

“So – I didn’t know what it was until recently. Maya helped me figure this out – or at least start to figure it out. I – fuck, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

Nick speaks up after a long moment, “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be okay. If whatever you’ve figured out makes you feel better about yourself, that’s good news for me.” It’s enough to make their chest feel a little lighter. 

Noah decides to bite the bullet then, rip off the band-aid. 

“I’ve been using they and she as pronouns for a little while now, and I don’t think that I’ve ever felt better about myself.”

Noah bites her lip so hard that she thinks that she’ll draw blood. 

She can hear Nick moving around in the background, and her heart almost sinks a little. 

“Sorry I had to find a tissue.” he sniffles, “I am – so proud of you. I don’t know what it took to get to that point, but I can’t imagine that it was easy.”

Hearing Nick’s support brings the tears right back. 

“Noah – is that still right or –?” 

“Name stays. Just a different label.” “I mean that. I’ve never been more proud of you. This — by the way — doesn’t change a thing between us. You’re still my best friend, and I’ll still tell you when you’re talking shit.”

Noah laughs between the tears that still run across their cheeks, “I’m counting on that.” 

They give Nick a little recap of the last few months. Nick apologises more than once for adding to the mess of feelings in their head, but Noah quickly waves him off. 

He couldn’t have known. 

They fall back into their usual banter fairly quickly. Maya leaves them alone soon after, pressing a quick kiss to Noah’s cheek before she excuses herself. 

It’s comfortable, familiar. 

Nick has always been a safe person, and in retrospect, Noah isn’t sure why she was so scared of this call. 

“Have you told the others yet?” Nick asks after a while. 

“You’re the first – well, second.” 

They can practically see the proud look on Nick’s face. 

“They’ll be good with it too, you know? We’ll figure out how to approach this with the public side of the band together. You’re not alone with that. And if someone is awful about it, we’ll sic Bryan on them.”

Knowing that Nick is on her side so unconditionally means the world to her. It means that she’ll have one more person to support her when she tells the next person. And that makes it less scary. 

An afternoon of gaming later, Noah feels decidedly more relaxed. Knowing that Nick is so very normal about it feels good. He does stumble a few times, but this is a change for him too. Nick has only known her as one thing, it’ll take him a moment to get used to it too. 

When Noah leaves their office later that day, Maya is nowhere to be seen. They check their phone, to find a message that she’d gone out with Ellie to do a little shopping. 

Noah’s fingers hover over the screen for a long moment before they decide to send the message. 

Can you bring me something? Just something you’d think I’d like?

Like a treat? I was going to do that anyway <3

To wear

There’s a long beat of silence that makes their heart rate spike. 

Sure! I’ll keep an eye open. Are you looking for something specific?

Not really. I have no idea what would suit me. 

I’ll get you something pretty <3 I’m bringing food on the way back. 

How did things with Nick go in the end? Everything good? 

Everything good 

Maya eventually returns with a few bags and a few styrofoam boxes of take out. Noah gets her usual kiss on the cheek before Maya even sets her things down. 

The reason for this surprise shopping trip apparently was that Ellie’s sure that her partner will propose over the weekend, and she wanted to have something to wear just in case. Hearing how many of their friends are moving towards that phase of life makes Noah wonder when they’ll take that step. They know that they can’t see themselves with anyone else but Maya, but there’s so much going on right now that adding a wedding to the mix wouldn’t be ideal. It’ll happen when the time is right. 

Noah’s already surprised that they’re thinking about a wedding in the first place. But that’s what being in love does, Noah supposes. 

After their late lunch, Maya sets to unpacking all of her bags. 

“I hope I guessed the sizes right. This might be a little trial and error.” She explains as she pulls a flimsy looking shirt out of one of the bags, “You’ll have to have a look on your own eventually. But I thought this might be a good place to start.” 

She hands Noah a stack of clothes. 

Maya had stuck to a simple black colour palette, which Noah is honestly thankful for. None of it looks too out there, although they don’t know how to feel about the see through shirt. 

“Give it a try.” 

Noah thinks she sounds a little nervous, and really she gets it. 

This is a big thing.

She feels awfully nervous too. 

“I’m gonna — be in the bedroom. I’ll — be back.” 

Noah feels a little awkward when she walks off to their bedroom. This isn’t as high-stakes as the skirt was. Maya had picked up a nice-looking pair of trousers for her. The shirt was the actually out there thing. She strips down to her underwear, the boxers are starting to feel a little uncomfortable. Maybe there’s an in-between option that they can go for instead. 

The trousers fit comfortably, although they are a little short at the legs – nothing new, though. As she picks up the shirt, something else tumbles from it. Noah recognises it as something Maya wears under similar shirts. The idea of having their chest on display like this doesn’t feel too appealing at the moment. 

They slip the thing over their head. It’s a little constricting at first, the fabric hasn’t really stretched yet, and it feels uncomfortably tight. Noah is willing to chalk that up to them just not being used to wearing these things. 

Their fingers tremble when they unbutton the shirt – blouse? — and pull it over their shoulders. The fabric is so soft. In a way, Noah is glad that Maya had removed all the tags beforehand. They don’t want to know how expensive this all was. 

Somehow this doesn’t look like a lot. 

Something is missing. 

Noah cracks open the door, poking their head through the gap, “Can you help me?” 

They hear her steps approaching from a different part of the house, quickly coming towards them. 

“Everything okay?” 

“I don’t know how to make this look good.” Noah says quietly. 

“If you let me in, I’m sure we can figure something out.” 

Noah steps back from the door, allowing her into the room. She suddenly feels a little shy about this. 

“Can I?” Maya asks. 

Noah gives a nod in response. 

She starts to tuck and adjust the shirt. She rolls up the sleeves a little, undoes a few buttons. Noah lets her work in peace, just quietly watching as the image in the mirror changes. Maya pulls a belt from their side of the closet. She has Noah put it on, while she digs through her jewellery box. 

“Sit down for me? You’re too tall.” Maya says with a soft smile, “Can’t reach you.” 

They slump down on the edge of their bed. Maya comes to stand in front of them. One of her hands finds Noah’s cheek, forcing her to look up. 

“How are you feeling, love?” 

“A lot in one day.” Noah replies, “But this is nice.” 

“Is it?” she leans down to kiss Noah, “I’m glad. How would you feel about a little jewellery? Just for a little flavour?”.

“Sure.” 

Maya moves back just a little, allowing her to clasp two of her necklaces around Noah’s neck. Once she’s done, she sits down next to them. Her head drops to Noah’s shoulder. 

They make a pretty picture together. 

Noah always thought that they look good together. Maya’s softness, mixed with their still rough edges, works so perfectly. They don’t think that they want to be quite as feminine as Maya, at least not right now. She did like wearing the dress, but for the moment, this feels safer. 

“I really do have the prettiest girlfriend.” Maya says after a while. 

Noah’s insides warm. 

She’s still not entirely used to it. 

“We’re not having this discussion again.” They reply quickly. 

Maya fixes their eyes in the mirror, “I stand by what I said.” 

Noah breaks into a smile that Maya quickly mirrors. 

They lean over to pull Maya in for a kiss. 

The kiss quickly devolves into more, with Noah leaning over her. She’s missed this. Feeling so detached from herself has made this side of their relationship so difficult. The added anxiety hadn’t helped either. 

Noah lets her hands wander up the sides of her body. It feels a little as if she’s never done this before. Her lips skate down the length of Maya’s neck, teeth grazing against the soft skin there. The perfume she put on this morning floods into Noah’s senses. They can’t tell exactly what it smells like, but it's soft and warm and comforting. 

Maya’s hands thread into her hair.

“Baby.” Maya’s voice barely breaks through the fog in their head. 

Noah peels themself away from her skin. 

“Are you sure about this?” she asks softly. 

“Gotta show you how thankful I am for everything you’ve done for me, don’t I?” Noah replies, feeling herself smile around the words, “You’ve done so much for me.”

She resumes her trail of kisses along Maya’s neck. Noah lets herself sink to the carpet in front of the bed. They’ve done this so often, but it still feels so new in this moment. 

They ease Maya out of her shorts, pulling her underwear down with them. 

They kiss their way up the inside of her thigh, just like they’ve always done. She leaves her pretty marks on Maya’s skin. 

It’s been too long since she got to do that. 

Noah savours the first kiss she places against her folds. She stays where she is for a moment, lingering in the feeling. It takes her a moment to find her rhythm again, but once she does, Maya quickly turns into a mess of moans. Her hand is tight in Noah’s hair, keeping them in place. 

“Noah.” She sighs, “Make me feel so good, my love.” 

Noah lets out a whine against her. 

They sink further against Maya, wrapping their lips around the little bud of nerves. The noises Maya makes only spur them on further. 

Noah pours every bit of emotion that has gathered up over the last few months into this. Everything to show her love just how grateful she is for all the patience and grace. 

They curl a single finger into her, drawing another pretty sigh from Maya. One finger quickly becomes two. It’s been too long since they’ve felt Maya come undone at her hands. 

They can tell that Maya won’t last much longer. The pitch of her moans is already rising steadily, and they can feel her clenching around their fingers. Noah keeps up her tempo, working her closer and closer towards her climax. 

She can’t wait to feel her falling apart. 

Noah doesn’t have to wait much longer. Just a few passes of her fingers and tongue later, she feels Maya pulse around her. She keeps herself buried in her warmth, carefully lapping at her while she falls apart. 

The hand in Noah’s hair tightens almost painfully. 

They’re pulled away a few moments later. 

Noah drops their head against Maya’s thigh, drawing in a deep breath. They haven’t felt this breathless in a good while. But seeing Maya so blissed out above them makes it with worth it. 

Maya looks down at her with a barely there smile playing on her lips, “Thank you, my love.”

Noah presses a kiss to the skin of her thigh, “Thank you.”

“Do you – will you let me make you feel good too?”

Noah hates how hesitant she sounds. 

And they feel even worse when they shake their head, “I have no issue doing this for you, but anything to do with my – you know – makes me feel a little off right now. I’m sorry.” 

Maya’s hand combs through her hair so gently, “Don’t be sorry, love. It’s okay. I want you to feel good, and if you don’t want that right now, that’s okay.” 

Her hand settles on their cheek and Noah leans into her touch.  

“How about we get into something comfy and watch a movie or something?” she asks softly, “I think we still have a tub of the nice chocolate ice cream.” 

They must have missed the text.

Jolly doesn’t usually show up unannounced like this. She can hear them talking in the living room, but the words don’t quite make it through the door. 

Noah feels the panic rising in their chest. 

This is not how they had planned it. 

They’d made a whole elaborate plan on how they wanted to tell the boys. She wanted to do it on her own terms, decide when and how she wanted to tell them. 

This isn’t what she wanted. 

Noah’s breathing picks up.  

Their chest feels so awfully tightly. It hasn’t felt this tight in weeks. 

She tries her hardest to keep herself centred. She still doesn’t have a fool-proof method to stop the panic. 

Maya helps the most. 

She can’t always have Maya with her, even if that’s what she wants. 

Their phone buzzes, catching her attention. 

She reaches for it with the shakiest hands. Their fingers tremble when they unlock their phone. 

Jolly’s here I told him you were in a meeting. Do you want me to tell him to come back later?

Just give me a moment. 

This wasn’t how Noah had planned to tell Jolly. They would have liked a bit more time to prepare, but maybe it can’t always be how they want it to be. 

Noah gives themself a quick once over on the webcam. She’d needed to feel a little more confident today. The subtle make-up she’d put on that morning had given her the boost she’d needed to make the day a little easier, but now she has to face the prospect of Jolly seeing her like this. 

They knew it would happen at some point, but maybe she would have liked a little more time to prepare. 

Maya will be there as a buffer. 

Jolly will be okay with it. He’ll be okay with it. 

She steels herself for it. 

It’ll be fine. 

It’ll be fine. 

It’ll be fine. 

They draw in another deep breath. 

Noah can hear their muffled conversation behind the door. 

It’s terrifying. 

But this is who they are and sooner or later, they’ll have to find out. Sooner or later, everyone will see them. 

And she wants them to see. 

Rip off the band-aid, Noah tells herself. 

They open the door. 

Jolly and Maya are so caught up in their conversation that they don’t immediately notice them entering. Noah decides to just find a spot next to Maya as if nothing at all has changed. 

Jolly stops mid-sentence and gives them a once over. 

“This is new.” He states. 

“Not that new.” Noah replies. 

Maya barely manages to contain her laughter. 

“Well, it’s new to me.” Jolly still looks a little perplexed, and Noah does feel a little bad for leaving him in the dark like this. 

He’s obviously trying to decide how to approach this, and he’s very clearly having a tough time with it. 

“I — this isn’t how I had planned to do this at all, but you’re here now, and I can’t be in control of this all the time. I had a little realisation a while back and —” Noah reaches for Maya’s hand for support, “I’ve been using she and they as pronouns, and it’s been really good for me.”

Maya squeezes their hand as if to say well done. 

They watch Jolly absorb the information. 

“Are you happy?” He asks then. 

Noah doesn’t have to think about it at all. 

“I don’t think that I’ve ever been happier.”

Jolly looks at them for a long moment before he smiles. 

“That’s the important thing. I’m happy for you.” The genuine warmth that comes from him ushers the last bits of panic from their shoulders, “Anything I need to keep in mind? Do I need to change your name in my phone?”

Noah shakes their head, “Name stays.” 

“You know the label is going to love this, right?” Jolly suddenly sounds rather serious, “There’s a non-zero chance that they’ll try to centre all the marketing for the album around it.”

Noah hadn’t exactly thought this far. In fact, they hadn’t thought about the label at all. 

“If you don’t want that, we’ll make that clear. You know we won’t leave you alone with this. We’re all with you.” 

Noah didn’t expect him to react differently, but just as it had been with Nick, it's good to have confirmation. 

The conversation goes on and eventually drifts off into the actual reason for Jolly’s visit. They eventually move over into the studio, getting lost in the track they’ve been working on. 

It’s been a good while since they’ve had the option to work together like this. With the lockdown and the move, they’ve done most of the work on the album remotely. Actually being in the same room is good. 

They’re bouncing around ideas as if nothing has changed at all, and Noah is honestly glad that Jolly isn’t making a big deal out of this. She thinks that she catches him looking at her with a somewhat contemplative look. 

And she gets it. 

This is a big thing – not just for her, but for all of them. 

All of their livelihoods depend on this band. 

This will, inevitably, affect all of them. 

“Noah?” 

They look up from where they’ve zoned out. 

“I know this is a big thing, but I promise you that it’ll be fine. The band will be fine. If someone has an issue with you figuring out who you are, they can get lost. We don’t need people like that.” Jolly places a hand on their shoulder, “You will always be one of us. Different pronouns and clothes won’t change that.”

Noah quickly finds herself wrapped up in a tight hug. 

She lets herself sag against Jolly. 

The tears come a moment later. 

Jolly lets them cry until their shoulders stop shaking. 

“We’ll be fine. This is scary, but it’ll be fine. You’re not alone. We’re all here for you. I imagine that Maya did most of the heavy lifting with you, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here. Doesn’t matter what time it is. I hope you know that was the case before this, too.”  

“Thank you. Really.” 

Jolly waves his hand dismissively, “Not for that. This is just being a good friend. Should we get this finished, or do you want to get back to it later?” 

“Do you want to stay for lunch? I think Maya’s making some baked thing.” 

Jolly naturally stays. 

And while the recipe Maya tried out didn’t work out like she had planned, they still get a good laugh out of it. It’s not entirely dreadful, Noah thinks, but they know that Maya will be a little disappointed by it. 

They’re cleaning up the dishes when Jolly leans into Noah’s space again. 

“Before I forget. Who else have you told? I don’t want to accidentally mention this to someone before you get a chance to tell them yourself.” 

“Just you and Nick.” Noah replies, “And Maya, of course.” 

Jolly nods, “Good. Just making sure. This is not my news to spread around. I’m sorry if this happened before you were ready for it. I just happened to be in the area, and it was easier to stop by then text you.” 

“It’s okay. I can’t control how it happens every time. Sometimes people are just going to find out and I have to deal with that.” 

“Remember that we have to start thinking about the album rollout soon. We can control how people find out to an extent, but eventually, it’ll be out of our grasp.” 

There are a lot of things Noah hasn’t really considered yet. 

In a way, it’s a clean break. 

They’re coming back with a new album and things will just be a little different. 

It’s like Jolly said. If people have an issue with this, they can stay away. The right people will stay, and maybe a few new ones will join them too. 

Work on the album goes well. Jolly comes over a few more times to finish the last few tracks. Overall, Noah is more than happy with it. The album has turned out more introspective than they had planned, but then again, things have been rather tumultuous. 

With Davis clued in too, they’ve started working on merchandise and art.

Noah has decided to rip off another band-aid and sent a text to Matt letting him know.

Thankfully, Matt seems quite okay with it all and immediately returns to business after acknowledging the news. 

Folio is a different story. They’d called him about a week earlier and he’s still asking questions. 

It’s endearing. 

They all have their own ways of showing their support, and Noah appreciates all of it. 

Noah shifts where they’re settled against Maya’s side. They’re rewatching Avatar again, meaning that won’t miss anything if she allows herself to drift off into thought once in a while. 

She had felt so caged in and isolated before she had opened up about to Maya about how she felt, all of out of fear of being even more alone. And now she’s sure that she’s never felt more loved before. Even with this big change, their people still love them. 

Maya lets out a huff. 

Noah turns to look at her. 

“Nick’s calling. He’s so worried that he’ll say or do something wrong.” she says with a sigh, “Let me get up? I won’t be long.” 

As much as Noah doesn’t want to let her go, she reluctantly lets herself slump over to the other side of the sofa. 

Maya gives their hand a quick squeeze as she gets up. She answers the call just as she slips into her studio. Noah knows that she’s probably just going to reassure Nick that he can’t really do anything wrong, but her curiosity gets the better of her. 

They follow a moment later, just to listen in for a moment. 

“Nick – I promise you that you can’t do anything wrong. This is new for all of us. And I know that you don’t want to hurt her, but don’t you think that Noah knows that you won’t say something hurtful on purpose?” Maya asks with a hint of humour in her voice, “You've known them for how long now? — Exactly. It’ll be fine. I promise. — No, Nick, this is not annoying. It’s okay. I’d rather have you ask questions than make assumptions. And I know Noah feels the same way. You can’t imagine how much knowing that you’re all on their side means to them. They were so scared that somehow one of you wouldn’t be – I know – but I’m glad that it all worked out. Won’t lie, for a while, when I didn’t know what was going on yet, I didn’t know what she was doing to do. I’d never seen them like that and it really scared me. But, thankfully, everything worked out. We’ll see you next week, right? Good –” 

Noah quickly makes their way back to the sofa before Maya hangs up.  

They know that they’d worried her, but sometimes it slips their mind just how much anguish they put Maya through. 

She emerges a short while later and sinks down next to them again, “You wanna get comfy in bed? We have a big day planned for tomorrow.” 

They’re only going shopping tomorrow, but Noah has made the plan to at least try to buy something more feminine. They want what they’ll wear on stage to go with the vibe of the album, and that means new clothes. 

It’ll be a challenge. 

She’s stolen a few things from Maya, but it’s just not the same thing. Borrowing Maya’s clothes helped, but she wants to find her own style. 

“Early night sounds good.” Noah agrees. 

Somehow this is more daunting than Noah had expected. This isn’t their first time going out since they’ve made the switch, but they’ll be out for a while and there’s very little space for them to hide away if they do get overwhelmed. Having Maya at their side does help, but even Maya can’t make all of their anxieties disappear. 

The fact that they’re here to buy more clothes for her doesn’t help either. They try to keep telling themselves that it's only clothing. 

It’s not that big of a deal. 

Noah follows Maya through the racks. They don’t really know what they’re looking for, which doesn’t make this easier. Maya keeps holding out random things to them, but so far, nothing has felt right. 

Noah plucks a shirt from one of the racks. It’s similar to the cropped ones that they’ve borrowed from Maya. 

“That’s cute.” Maya notes, “Could be fun with that one button up you’ve never worn and some shorts.”

Noah tries to imagine it. They know the shirt Maya is talking about. They’d wanted to try it, but it had never looked quite right. Maybe this could work. 

“You know – somehow didn’t think that shorts were an option.” 

Maya smiles so sweetly then, “We live in L.A. babe. When was the last time you’ve seen me in jeans?”

“So, where do we get shorts?” 

Somehow that seems to break the dam. 

They wander from store to store after that, and Noah tries her best to not feel self-conscious about how much money they’re spending or the fact that she’s carrying bags of clothes that will make her feel so much better about herself. 

To their surprise, people don’t seem to be too fussed even when Noah browses the racks of the women’s section on their own. 

Maya wants to make one final stop before they get lunch. As they approach the store, Noah realises where they’re going. They’ve accompanied Maya here before, so eager to get a peek into her dressing room. Everything Maya had bought from this shop had turned their brain into soup. 

Coming here now feels a little scary. 

Noah can’t quite picture what their body would look like in underwear like this. They’ve barely managed to graduate to things with less coverage than their usual boxers. The lacy little things Maya wears still feel very daunting. 

They reach for her hand, trying to find a little comfort for their frayed nerves. 

“You don’t have to get anything if you don’t want to. I just want to have a look at the new arrivals.”  

Noah is content to just watch while Maya browses. They watch her pick up a few things to try on and just out of curiosity, Noah decides to examine some of the items a little closer. 

The first thing that catches their eye is a deep red set. The panties are fairly high-waisted, something she likes seeing on Maya. There are two matching top options – a bra with cups and something she’s sure Maya has called a bralette before, but who really knows. 

She picks up the top. The fabric is so soft between their fingers. They don’t know if this would even fit them. 

“Found something you like?” Maya presses up behind them. 

Noah gives a nod, “I just don’t know if it’ll fit.” 

Maya eyes the garments, taking it from their hands, “Should be okay. Do you wanna get this?”

“I want to try it at least.” they say quietly. 

“We can buy it and if you decide that you don’t like it for whatever reason we’ll figure something out.” 

They watch as Maya pays for their items. 

Noah can’t quiet decide if she’s anxious or excited about this. 

The more they’ve been actively exploring this side of them, the more comfortable they’ve become with it. Some of the insecurities they’ve held before suddenly make a lot of sense. With the realisation that boy had never been the right thing for them, a few had simply disappeared. Sure, in turn they’d discovered new things to be insecure about, but in the grand scheme of thing Noah has never felt more comfortable in their body. 

Noah can hardly contain their excitement when they get back home. She’s only tried on a few things at the stores, but some of the more out there things were reserved for the safety of their home. They’ve stuck to trousers for the most part, but the shirt options they’ve picked are a little more bold. 

But there’s something Noah is particularly excited to try on. Throughout the drive home, Noah has come to the conclusion that their feelings towards underwear lean more towards excitement. Their hope is that it’ll make them feel a little bit better about their bare body. It won’t make everything disappear, but maybe it’ll give them a little bit more confidence. And maybe it’ll spark something else too. 

Noah pluck their bag from the lingerie store and disappear into the bathroom, while Maya is distracted by something else. 

She wants to try this on her own first – just in case. This is still a big thing, after all. Noah strips down to their underwear. They’ve taken to wearing soft, unlined sports bras just for the feeling. There’s nothing to cover, but the extra step makes them feel a little more feminine. 

So far, it has worked. 

They take a moment to look at themselves. Their body hasn’t changed much, there are things they wish were different, but they’ve come to realise that these things don’t happen overnight. Noah has considered her options and while she hasn’t settled on anything yet, she has brought some of it up to Maya for a second opinion.

Noah finally shimmies out of their underwear. 

The new stuff doesn’t look quite as scary now that they’re in the safety of their home. Their hands still shake a little when they pull the panties up their thighs. The material feels so different on their skin. Noah adjusts themselves, trying to get comfortable in this. It’s clear that this isn’t made for their anatomy, but it feels good regardless. The high-waisted fit of the panties gives their waist a little more definition, and with the way the legs are cut out they actually feel as if there’s shape to their form. Noah tugs on the bralette, this isn’t too different from the things they’ve been wearing for a couple of weeks now. The fabric makes a world of a difference, though. The colour looks beautiful against their skin, and they like how the see-through fabric shows off their tattoos. 

They hear Maya call their name from the bedroom. 

Noah gives herself a final once over in the mirror before she pulls her shirt back over her frame. She loves when Maya does this, and showing herself off like this feels right.  

She opens the door to the bedroom, stepping out into the room. 

“Have you seen the —” Maya stops as soon as she sees them. 

Her eyes drift across Noah’s frame. 

They feel brave today. It’s taken them a while to feel comfortable showing their body again, even just to Maya. But today they feel good about themselves. Seeing Maya so affected by them definitely helps. 

“Did you try on the underwear?” she asks softly. 

Noah nods. 

Maya meets them in the middle of the room. She pulls Noah in for a kiss. Her hand is so soft on the side of their face. Maya’s unoccupied hand plays with the hem of their shirt, and Noah knows exactly what she wants. They’ve done the same to her. 

“Can I see?” there’s a trace of hesitance in her voice, but the curiosity outweighs it easily. 

Noah has long made up her mind. She wants Maya to see – to touch. 

They reach for the bottom of the shirt and slowly pull it upwards. Maya’s hands practically fly to their waist as soon as it is revealed to her. They feel her eyes drifting across their body, trying to take all of them in. 

“Noah.” she sighs, “You – you look so beautiful.” 

They meet in another kiss. Noah feels herself being pulled in by her waist, as Maya’s hand shifts to the small of her back. They shove their hand under Maya’s shirt, suddenly desperate to feel skin too. 

It’s been a while since they’ve been close like this and admittedly, Noah has missed it. 

Maya carefully walks them back towards the bed. Noah lets herself fall onto the mattress with a laugh. Maya quickly straddles her waist, leaning down to kiss her again. 

“Are you okay with this?” she asks between the kisses they trade. 

Noah sighs out a yes. 

They need to feel her hands on their body, need the gentle affection Maya is so willing to give them. 

From their lips, Maya begins a trail of kisses down their neck. She leaves her marks there, sucking a pretty bruise just under the edge of their jaw. Noah’s brain is already so full of fuzz. They feel hands drifting across their body, fingers tracing along the lines of their tattoos. 

Maya’s hands come to cover their chest. There isn’t anything to cup there, but the idea of it alone is enough to make Noah sigh. A thumb drags across their nipple, before she tugs at it just a little. The sting of it pulls a sound from Noah’s throat. 

Noah tangles a hair into Maya’s hair as she continues to descend along her body. They can feel the excitement bubbling in the middle as she trails her kisses along their tummy. 

“Can I touch you?” Maya asks softly. 

“Please.” she chokes out, “Please – it’s been so long.” 

Maya lets out a quiet chuckle, before she lets her hand wander lower. For now, it stays above her underwear. She places her hand above Noah’s crotch. Her touch is light, giving Noah a moment to adjust to it. 

Maya continues to kiss across their chest and tummy while the pressure of her hand slowly increases. Noah’s already halfway to hard and they’ve barely done anything at all. 

“Tell me if something feels off, okay? I want you to feel good.” Maya looks up at her with such a devastating softness. 

Maya slowly works her hand into their panties. Noah sighs when her hand curls around their cock. 

“I almost don’t want to take these off you.” Maya muses, as her fingers trace across the waistband of the panties, “You look so pretty in them.” 

“I feel pretty.”  

“Good.” She presses a kiss against their tummy, “Now let me make you feel good.” 

She carefully tugs the panties down until Noah’s cock comes free. 

Noah makes a little high-pitched sound when it slaps up against her tummy. Maya’s hand immediately returns to her, setting a slow, but steady rhythm. She continues peppering Noah’s skin with the softest kisses. Noah doesn’t even try to stop herself from moaning. She knows that Maya loves to hear her sounds, and it all feels too good anyway. 

The brush of Maya’s tongue against the head of their cock makes their hips tip forward. It’s been months since they’ve felt anything except the occasional rushed touch of their own hand on their skin. 

Noah whines when she takes the head between her lips. It’s almost overwhelming. The warmth of her mouth erases practically every thought in Noah’s head. Maya has always had that effect on them, but it’s so much more intense now. They drop their head back against the pillow, allowing themself to get lost in the sensation. 

Their hand tangles into Maya’s hair, less to direct her and more to keep her close. Noah decides then that she needs to feel more. While the mouth of her love feels good, she needs to feel all of her. 

“Maya.” she sighs, “I – fuck – let me feel you. Please. I wanna be inside –” the words come out broken up and breathy, but she can’t bring herself to worry, “Please baby.” she chokes out, “Please let me feel you. It’s been so long.” 

She hasn’t felt this desperate for her in a while.

Maya pulls away from them, but keeps her hand on their cock. 

“How do you want me?”

“Can you — on top of me.” Noah makes herself say between the soft sighs Maya pulls from her.

They watch as Maya undresses herself. She doesn’t make much of a show of it. And just a few moments later, she’s straddling Noah’s waist.

She reaches for their hand and guides it between her thighs. Noah dips her fingers between her folds. She’s soaked already. Maya sighs when their fingers sink into her. She’s so soft and warm, and Noah can’t wait to feel her wrapped around them again. It’s been far too long.

“Noah.” 

Hearing her sigh their name like that makes the warmth in their belly burn even hotter. They curl their fingers inside of her, pulling another moan from her. 

The need to feel her becomes too overwhelming then. 

“Think you’re ready?” She asks, finding herself sounding a little shaky. 

Maya nods, drawing in a stuttered breath. 

Noah slowly pulls their fingers from her. They guide the head of their cock towards her entrance. Their breath catches in their throat when they make contact, and Noah has to take a moment to stop themselves from coming undone then and there. Maya sinks down on her so, so slowly. 

She tangles their fingers together, holding on to Noah for dear life. Her eyes fall shut as she sinks lower. Noah thinks that she’s never been more beautiful. Her lips tremble, brows furrowed so slightly.

Maya pauses once she’s fully seated on top of Noah. She leans forward to meet kiss them. Her hand is so soft and warm against their cheek. It’s all so dizzying. 

“I love you so much, Noah.” she speaks against their lips, “My beautiful darling. My beautiful girl.” 

Their heart pounds in their chest. 

It still feels so novel, but god it feels good.

Noah pulls her back down for another kiss. 

“I love you.” Noah replies, lips spreading into a smile. 

Maya stays close for a moment longer, allowing both of them to settle just a little more. The soft kisses and words they exchange sear themselves into Noah’s mind. They know that Maya loves them, she shows it without shame. But in this moment, Noah feels so impossibly loved. 

Noah trails her fingers up the length of Maya’s back, pulling a little laugh from her. 

She grinds down against them, making both of them moan. 

The slow rhythm she sets makes Noah’s head swim. It’s a grind more than anything else, but it’s enough – more than enough, actually. 

Their hands are still interlaced, and Noah is glad to have that security. Their free hand roams across Maya’s thigh. Noah lets their eyes drift across her body from where they’re joined all the way up to her face. They find Maya already fixed on them, and they can’t possibly look away again. 

Noah doesn’t know how long they’ll last. 

Their constitution feels so worn and frayed already. Maya’s soft praise only pushes her further towards the edge.

“You feel so good.” she sighs, “Make me feel so good, my love.”

Noah wants to return the words and tell Maya how good she’s making her feel, but the words just won’t come. The only thing she can offer is a near wanton moan. 

Their hand grips into Maya’s thigh a little tighter as their hips pitch upwards. 

“You’re so close, aren’t you, baby?” she asks softly.

Noah gives another whine in response, “So close. You feel so good around me.”

Maya picks up her effort a little, now seemingly intent on bringing both of them to their climax. The warmth that spreads through them is unlike anything they’ve felt before. Feeling Maya clench around them makes their vision white out a little. 

They feel Maya tip forward against their chest at some point. They wrap their arms around her body, keeping her as close as possible to them. Their chests heave in unison. Noah is sure that they’ve never been more connected. 

Maya rests her head against their chest. With just a turn of their head, Noah can press their lips to her forehead. They stay like this for a long moment, just enjoying each other's warmth and presence. Noah hadn’t realised just how much they’ve missed this. Being close to Maya like this always made them feel more connected to her, and starving themself of this connection had impacted them more than they had previously thought. 

Half an hour later, they’re cuddled up in bed. 

Noah shuffles back against Maya’s chest. She wraps her arm around them, her hand settling on their tummy. Maya presses a kiss to their bare shoulder. 

Noah lets herself sink into the embrace, allowing it to envelop her entirely. Their nerves still buzz with the ecstasy of their high, but it's a pleasant, warm feeling. 

They doze off a little while later, entirely content and happy. 

Noah paces along the length of their living room. 

The article and the related posts will drop any moment and god she’s never been more nervous. This is the first time they’ll be seen in public since they’ve gone down this road. The pictures Bryan has taken are genuinely some of their favourites. 

Maya had helped her assemble a good look for this shoot. The new clothes and a little bit of make-up had done a world of a difference. Noah had felt incredibly confident that day. 

Right now, all she wants to do is sink into the ground until all of this is over. 

“It’s up.” Nick announces. 

Noah swears that she’s going to throw up. 

At this point, the actual album release will be a breeze. 

Maya wraps an arm around their middle. 

“It’ll be okay, love. You know that the important people are on your side.” she says quietly, “We all love you so much. I love you so much.” 

Noah pulls their phone from the pocket of their sweats. The tremble of their hand makes it almost impossible to unlock their phone. They navigate towards Instagram, fully knowing that some of the words will sting. 

They scroll through the comments, anticipating the vitriol. 

The first comment that catches their eye is the exact opposite of what they’d expected. 

this is so cool! i’m proud of them <3

i love seeing someone living as themselves

this rocks, haters can get fucked 

whoa i didn’t know noah went by they/she that’s dope!

There are a few odd comments that follow the usual bigoted pattern. The overwhelming majority is either just really excited to see them release new music or offering their support for Noah. 

“I told you they’d be good.” Nick calls from the other side of the room. 

There’s a little commotion about someone commenting that they’re only going in this direction because of Cyberpunk, but the room quickly quiets down again. 

Noah is set to make an appearance on a podcast with Jolly later that day. They know the person they’re supposed to talk to, and Noah is surprisingly excited to get to talk about the new album. They’ve worked hard on this and Noah knows that they’re all very proud of what they’ve created. Being able to talk about it after all this time feels good. 

For the first time since they’ve been doing interviews, Matt has requested that they’re sent the questions ahead of time, just so they can have a bit of control over what they’re asked. Noah knows that they won’t be able to avoid the topic entirely, but they don’t want it to become the main focus of every interview they do from now on. Which pronouns they use shouldn’t have anything to do with the music the band they’re in makes. Thankfully, this interviewer had stuck to the more important things. 

“Now, this new cycle comes with a lot of changes for you as a band.” he starts and Noah steels themselves for the inevitable question, “It seems like you’ve changed up your sound quite a bit from the snippets we’ve heard so far. Will the whole album lean into that kind of sound or will there be some of the heavier sound that we’re used to from you?” 

Noah let’s out the breath they’ve been holding as Jolly gives his answer. They chime in eventually, adding that they want to keep evolving their sound, both for their and their audiences' sake. To keep things interesting. 

Noah marks this day as a good one. 

Things could have gone quite a lot worse, all things considered. She tries not to think about the mountain of unanswered e-mails that still waits for her. They’ll work their way through them in the coming days.

They spend what’s left of the day together as a group. 

They don’t get nearly enough days to just hang out together any more. Having time with their friends without the looming obligations biting at their ankles is nice. 

For the rest of the evening, the band doesn’t matter, and they’re just a group of friends spending good quality time together. 

Watching the tickets for the tour sell out had been invigorating. It is just a small run of shows but knowing that they had sold out almost all of the shows had been a massive boost to their ego. 

The general reception of the new music had been good, and it had eased Noah’s nerves about the first show, at least a little bit. 

Now that the day has come, though, Noah feels impossibly nervous. They know that they’ve been a little irritable all day, but if anyone had been affected by it, they hadn’t made it known. 

Doors have opened by now, and Noah really should start to get ready. She’s kept herself busy with vocal warm-ups and administrative things. All that was left to do now was get dressed. 

Noah enters the dressing room, to find Maya sorting through their things. 

“There you are.” she says with a smile, “I was about to text you. Do you need help getting ready or do you want me to leave you alone?”

“Please stay?” Noah asks as they wrap their arms around her middle, “I think I might need a little help.” 

The outfit they’ve picked for this show is fairly neutral. With a few tricks, Maya had somehow managed to give their waist a little more definition. It’s not ideal yet, but it’s all in the works now. They’ve already made so much progress, and everything that is coming up now will only make things better. 

Noah sits down in front of the vanity. 

They’ve done this so often already, but right now, they can’t stop their hands from shaking. Maya pulls a chair up next to them, taking the brush out of their hand. 

“Let me help you, my love.” she says softly. 

Noah gladly turns their chair towards her. Maybe having this moment will make her feel a little calmer. 

“Didn’t get a chance to ask earlier, how did your last therapy session go?” Maya asks as she continues to work on their make-up. 

Noah had brought up a big question during the last session. They’d thought about it for a while. They had figured out very early on that the thing that had the biggest impact on their dysphoria was how boyish their body still felt. Noah has done what they could, and the logical next step is – as much as it scared them – hormones. 

They have brought it up with Maya before, but it had never been a firm decision. Maya had, naturally, been incredibly supportive of the idea. 

“I asked her about HRT.”

Maya stops moving then. She sets down the products in her hands. 

“You did? What did she say?” ​​

“She’s going to write me a note just in case. But she agrees that it’s the best option for me.” 

Maya breaks into a wide smile. She wraps them into a tight hug. Maya presses a plethora of kisses against the cheeks and lips. 

“That’s so good. I’m so happy for you.” 

Noah lets herself sink against Maya. Her support has been their biggest crutch during all of this. They don’t know what they would have done if they didn’t have Maya, or even worse if she hadn’t been supportive of them. Thankfully, Noah doesn’t have to worry about that. Somehow, she’s ended up with the best support system she could have asked for.

“Thank you, really.” Noah says finally, “I couldn’t have done any of this without you.” 

Maya pulls away from them just enough to look at them, “You’re my person, Noah. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. With maybe a few exceptions – I draw the line at murder.”

Noah can’t help but laugh at that. 

“I mean that. Watching you be so sad and unlike yourself during those first few weeks – I never want that again. I’ll do whatever I can to help you.” 

Noah has to fight the tears. They’ve had this talk a few times, but it never fails to bring her to tears. 

“You don’t know how much that means to me.” Noah sniffles.

“I just need you to talk to me. Tell me when you need something. I can’t read your mind yet.” 

“I’ll do my best.” Noah leans in to steal a kiss from her, “I think we have to get going, though. Don’t wanna rush things. And Bryan will want to take a few more pictures.” 

Maya gives them another kiss before she continues to work on their make-up. 

Maya doesn’t do anything too out of the ordinary, but it’s enough to make them feel comfortable and confident. And mixed with the outfit, Noah feels more than ready to head out on stage again. 

As expected, Bryan snaps a few more pictures of all four of them. He has been taking candids all afternoon, and Noah is genuinely curious to see how Bryan has captured her. They all go about their own little routines in the last few moments before they go on stage. 

Noah stops by the last restroom before the stage, just to get a final glimpse at themself. So much, and at the same time so little, has changed. 

For the moment, the nerves outweigh any kind of excitement they feel. Noah’s sure that thing will settle once they’re actually one stage and the first song is underway. It’s always like that. 

They’re always impossibly nervous up until the moment they’re singing the first line. Noah finds her eyes in the mirror. 

She’ll be okay. 

Noah tugs at her shirt for a moment, makes sure that the buckle of her belt is centred. She fixes her hair, swipes a little speck of eyeshadow from her cheek. Noah wonders how long she can hide away here. 

They can hear them talking outside, they’re sure that they can hear Matt and Nick talking right in front of the door. Something about the last few shows selling out too. 

Noah decides that it’s time to stop stalling. 

She exits the restroom again and wriggles her way into their conversation. 

“What’s that about selling out?” they ask, draping their arm across Nicks shoulder. 

“Tour’s all sold out.” Matt announces, “Album’s selling like mad, too. At this point, we might even make a profit.”

Hearing that their coming out had no major negative impact on the band and their career takes a good chunk of weight off their shoulders. Nick pulls them into a half hug. 

A moment later, they’re all huddled up. Jolly says something about how they’ll be better than ever tonight, but Noah can barely hear him over the buzzing in their ears. They can hear the noise of the crowd, their excited cheers as the lights dim down. 

Folio’s excitement about getting back on stage bubbles over into her. 

This will be a good one. 

Just before they go on stage, they look back to see Maya coming up towards the side with Davis. 

All of her favourite people are here tonight. Everyone she loves is here to support them – to support her. 

As soon as they step foot on stage and the noise of the crowd fills their ears, they know that things will be okay. The show is unlike any they’ve played before. The energy in the room gives Noah drive to barrel through the setlist. 

And by the time the band takes their bows, Noah is sure of it all. 

Things will be okay. 

Noah is glad that they’ve decided against a big dinner with everyone after the show. Instead, they find themself curled up against Maya’s side while they devour their spread of takeout. The show flickering across the screen matters little, Noah is too lost in their own thoughts to pay attention to it. 

The night couldn’t have gone better. 

Being welcomed back with such open arms had superseded any expectation they’d had leading up to today. Sure, they’d hoped that people would be accepting or even welcoming, but the outpouring of love and support not just for her but for the whole band had meant the world to her. 

The thing that had really sealed it all was seeing Maya at the side of the stage. The pride and love they had found on her face had made it all worth it. 

Noah shifts against her, trying to get a little more comfortable. They’re exhausted beyond reason and here, with Maya so close, they’re about ready to clock out for the night. 

Maya presses an absent-minded kiss to the top of their head, as her arm tightens around their middle. 

This is all they need, Noah thinks. 

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@rumoured-whispers @cheyyyyr @mathfairchild1 @thewrstinme @Follow-me-down-to-wonderland

[greenwriterplaidbow]

Tragic Accident

AKA the events that lead to the Human Connection series

Logan Howlett x Reader with injury related memory loss

Word count: 2.5K 3.8K after revisions

Author’s note: I do in fact have more! (I would like to thank this person for your patience, I started this when you sent this in but left it half done because of finals). Still inspired by Pandapetals’ memory loss fic. This is what led to the accident and when Logan actually saw the wreckage of an accident (because I apparently can’t just be content with being happy!). It’s kind of from his perspective? Still written in second person though.

Warnings: Major angst, stupid argument, car wreck, drunk driver (not Logan or the reader), reader refered to as she/her and Logan’s wife

Everything started in your home office. It was the busy season for teachers: checking that you taught the whole curriculum; assigning and then grading final projects; parent-teacher meetings. That night you were up grading group projects that had been turned in early. It was midnight when Logan walked into the room. It was one of many late nights you had recently. The two of you tended to be night owls anyways but this many nights without more than 4 hours of consecutive sleep was starting to get to you both. It wasn’t obvious but you could see it in the small details of your relationship. The way there was less exchanged affection. The way you helped each other with little things less. The way the physical space between you emphasized the growing separation. Logan had been laying in bed before he entered the office. He walked in and put his hands on your shoulders, maybe a little less gently than he normally would have.

“Babyy, why haven’t you come to bed yet?” You brought your hand up and softly rubbed his.

“Sorry hon, I just want to get these done tonight. This is the last one.”

“It can’t wait until tomorrow?” You spun your chair around to face him.

“It could.. But if I finish them as they come in, I’ll be done before finals week so I can spend more time with you!”

“You could spend more time with me now if you just came to bed-”

“I know, I know. But these kids finished it early, they’re already on pins and needles waiting for an answer, I shouldn’t make them wait longer than I need to. And you should be asleep already anyways, this was the one night this week you can actually get to bed at a decent time.”

“Tried. It’s always harder without you.” You stood up and brushed a hand through his hair.

“Poor baby. It won’t be much longer. I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

“I’ll just stay in here with you then.”

He walked over to his own desk and sat down across from you, watching as you finished grading. It was 10 minutes before Logan spoke up again.

“You almost done?”

You sigh and run your hands through your hair.

“Nope, not quite. Go to bed, I’ll only be a little longer.”

“I.. Yeah alright.”

He shook his head then got up and walked out. His jaw was tense as he paused at the door like he was going to say something. Apparently he decided against it and closed the door on the way out with a sigh.

He lays in bed. Staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. Logan had felt neglected before, just not usually by you. He was plenty used to being ignored or abandoned. It had happened before but this time was supposed to be different. You’d always been there before. You’d been through so much together. It was only now it felt like you were drifting away. You’re a busy person, he knows that. You’re always eager to help out in any way you can. From one-on-one training or tutoring with struggling students to filling in for a fellow teacher. You were always there for everyone else. But now it seemed to him that you were giving your time to anyone but him. It seemed like you were trying to avoid him. He thought back to the last few weeks. He’d twice tried to set up a date night with no success, the most recent attempt was the week prior.

He had caught you in between classes, preparing for the next lecture in an empty room.

“Heyy, I was thinking. It’s been a while: do you want to go out tonight?”

“I wish I could but I’m helping Jean tonight, some lab thing she’s trying to figure out. I’m honestly flattered she asked me-” You stopped yourself when you saw the look on his face, his eyes now avoiding yours as he pretended to study the ground. “I’m sorry Lo, I thought I told you on Monday.”

“No- it’s alright. I understand.. I’ll see you later though?”

“Yes. She said that she shouldn’t need me past 8 o’clock.”

You walked in the door at ten.

“Hey,” Logan said half heartedly from the couch as you came up the stairs. He didn’t know how late you’d be until you called at nine to tell him that things went well enough that Jean wanted to repeat the experiment to see if it was a fluke.

“Hey.. I’m sorry, I know I said I’d be home sooner. I’ll make it up to you.” You cupped his face and kissed the bridge of his nose. “We could go out this weekend?”

“No, I’m helping Scott fix his bike; and with Scott, that’ll be an all weekend project.”

“Next weekend then. We’ll find time. We always do.” Your tone was very matter-of-fact as you sat down next to him. He put an arm around your shoulders and you nuzzled into his chest as you leaned into him.

“Yeah. I know. I just hate feeling like I never see you anymore. I know you didn’t know that was going to happen but you could have waited to rerun everything on a different night..”

“Yeah.. I guess we’re just too popular” You said, trying to joke about the situation to relieve some of the tension between you. It worked for the time but Logan still didn’t feel good about it. He felt like you just pushed aside his feelings. Just laughing it off to avoid an actual conversation.

The thought brought him back to the present moment. He went back into the office, unsure of exactly how much time had passed since he left. He walked around to his side, sat at his desk and faced you. You looked up from what you were doing but he spoke before you could.

“It feels like we never just spend time together anymore and I want to talk about it.” You push your work aside and turn to face him more directly. He leans forward with his forearms on his desk.

“I only have one section left to read then leaving overall feedback. Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

“No, you always do this. I want to talk about it. I don’t want you to keep pushing me aside. What happened with us? Why do you spend your time everywhere else but with me?!”

“Logan I-”

“No, I know you care about your students but you don’t even look at me anymore.”

“Okay.. A bit of an exaggeration but yeah, I mean that’s the job. Come on, you’re a grown up. I thought you could handle a little less attention than what you’re used to.”

“You can just say it. I’m the least important thing in your life.”

“Oh don’t be dramatic. You’re still impor-”

His hand loudly hit the desk, making you jump.

“Stop doing that! Stop brushing me off!” He sighed and looked away. “Fuck- Ok, I just- Whatever, I’ll be in the kitchen.” He stood up and walked out. You didn’t try to stop him.

You put your face in your hands. You could admit, things had been stressful lately. Things had just been busy. Apparently after five years of being married, you had been putting Logan on the backburner more than you thought. But he had done the same with you hadn’t he? That’s just how it was sometimes. Why was he so upset about it this time? What changed? After a few minutes of letting him cool down, you sighed and got up to follow him to the kitchen. The only light in the open room was the soft glow of the hanging kitchen lights. He was sitting at the table with his hand in his hair. He looked up as you walked in.

“You always push me aside for everything else.” You came to apologize but now that felt more difficult than anything. Something about the way he said it gave you the urge to defend yourself. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was a lack of sleep. Either way, you pushed back.

“You act like I purposefully ignore you-”

“Sometimes, I wonder if you do!”

“Okay don’t put this all on me. We’re both busy. That’s just how it is right now, I don’t know why you have a problem with it all of the sudden.”

“You don’t know?! You don’t know because you never listen to me.”

“Oh I never listen to you?”

“Yes. I listen to you, I-”

“No no no no no. If you listened to me, you’d already know when I’m not going to be home. Because I actually make plans before the night of.”

“This again? I swear you never told me-”

“Whatever- that’s not going to get us anywhere. If you really want to talk, let’s talk about how you can be as busy with your students as you’d like but as soon as I do, then it’s a problem.”

“That’s not true!”

“Sure it is! But you’re a man, you can meet up with whoever you want. You know, I’m a woman so I should just be grateful that you let me have a job at all, right?”

“Why are you making this a sexism thing? When have I ever said anything like that to you?”

“You haven’t, but-”

“Exactly. I haven’t. Because I don’t think like that. Just because that was okay when I was growing up, doesn’t mean I’m like that. You know I’m not like that!”

“I thought so but sometimes, I’m not so sure.”

“And you don’t bring that up? You know you can talk to me- I’m not like you, I’m not just going to keep putting it off so we never talk about something you have a problem with.”

“When the hell have you brought up any of this before tonight?”

“I haven’t had the chance to because anytime there’s even a hint of a problem you just make it into a joke.”

“I didn’t realize I was doing that, maybe if you brought things up when they happened then we wouldn’t need to get to this point!”

“Yeah it’s all my fault, like everything else.”

“Oh, really defending your argument there- I’m so glad we didn’t wait to talk!” You started to pace around the area next to where he stayed seated. Walking between the table where he was and the counter off to his left.

“That is not fair. If we put it off again we would never have this conversation.. And this isn’t just about me ‘not getting attention,’ this is about you. This isn’t good for you. You need to get more sleep.”

“Oh but you’re just fine going without sleep, you’re the mighty Wolverine.”

“That’s not- No! Actually- Fine, you’re right. I am the wolverine, you don’t have the same mutation-”

“Maybe it doesn’t affect you as much, but it sure as hell still affects you. You’re still a human being Logan! I know my limits, you don’t need to hover, telling me to come to bed- It’s just a reminder of how slow I am- And it completely throws me off-”

“Don’t act like I’m not allowed to worry about you-”

“You’re allowed to worry, but that doesn't mean I’ll have any less-”

“Would you stop cutting me off?” He shouted the words through half gritted teeth. You took a step back. Logan never shouted at you, he barely ever raised his voice when you had disagreements. Your eyes flashed to the floor to avoid the intensity of his gaze.

“S-sorry.”

“I just-” He said your name quietly under breath and a hand went up to squeeze the bridge of his nose. “I just want to be how we were. I just want some of your time. I at least want you to pretend like you like me.”

“I do like you.” Your muscles that tense when he shouted had now relaxed and you could hear a nip of attitude in your own voice.

“But you don’t act like it! Not anymore at least. You act like me being in your life is an inconvenience.” His voice was consistently raised now. You let out a small laugh.

“God, you are so dramatic! Please get some sleep, you’re acting like a child who hasn’t had a nap. You’re worse than half the freshman students right now.”

“For fucks sake, would you just listen to what I’m saying for a minute? Actually listen and process what I’m saying. Why can’t you just take me seriously?!”

“Because I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“JUST TALK TO ME”

He stood up and yelled the phrase louder than he meant to. Again, you took a few steps back. His large frame still intimidatingly towered over you.

“That- that’s all I want from you! A real conversation.”

You start walking back to the bedroom. Logan tried to follow you.

“I need some space-” Logan stopped.

“Yeah, go. Keep avoiding me.” You sighed but kept walking into the bedroom. You grabbed your phone, keys, and wallet, putting them into a mostly empty messenger bag that was currently easier to get to than a purse. You threw on a jacket then left your bedroom. You walked past your husband in the kitchen.

“We both need to cool off. I’m going to stay at the school tonight.”

“Fine, go.”

“Good night”

“.. Night.”

Right before heading out the door; keys in one hand, the other on the doorknob. You sigh and turn around then walk back to him. He’s leaning on the kitchen counter, facing away from you.

“Hey,” he turns around.

You hit his chest lightly before grabbing the collar of his shirt and kissing him forcefully. You kept your eyes closed and your face close to his as you spoke.

“You are so frustrating.”

“I know.. Try talking to you.” You sighed quietly.

“..I love you”

“I.. I know.” A little sadder that time. He held onto the counter that was now behind him to keep himself from giving in to you. You kissed him again, much more softly this time.

“Drive safe..” He whispered as you pulled away. You nodded and left.

Hearing the sounds of the garage door open then shut was enough to make him start feeling guilty for not saying ‘I love you’ back. You were fighting, sure, but he did still love you.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

Logan went to bed but he couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned for almost an hour, listening to the soft taps of rain on the window until his phone rang. He answered it without looking, confident that you must be calling to talk or to apologize.

“What? Calling to apologize-” Annoyance dripping from tone.

“Sir, I’m a paramedic. Is this Logan Howlett?” He was caught off guard.

“What? Yes, yes that’s me. Why are you calling?” He sat up, a sense of dread creeping in.

“I’m with your wife right now, your information was in her wallet-”

The paramedic explains that you were in an accident and you’re going to be taken to a nearby hospital. You’re unconscious but they’re working on stabilizing you. He explains that as soon as you get there you’ll be taken to surgery.

“Most likely she’ll be in for a few hours and even when she’s out, it’ll still be a while before the anesthetic wears off. I know you’re freaking out right now but- Listen man, if it were me; I’d take a minute to process everything. Pack a bag: comfortable clothes, a book, crossword puzzles- just things that’ll make her comfortable while she has to stay there to be monitored. It’ll give you a sense of purpose, because you can’t do anything right now anyways, and it keeps you from having to leave her later when she is awake.”

“Yeah. Yeah alright. I’ll do that” They exchanged the remaining information then hung up. As he was doing what the paramedic instructed when he got another call. This was from the police. He was informed that he could come to the scene and retrieve anything valuable from the car before it was towed. It had been moved into a nearby church parking lot for the time being, that’s where he was told to go.

“Do you know what caused the accident? What happened?”

“Yeah, the other guy ran a red light. Didn’t even slow down. Because of the angle of the intersection and how fast he was going, she probably didn’t even see him until after the collision. He’s been arrested already, we’re waiting until he sobers up to ask him more about what happened, he wasn’t very intelligible. We know he was drinking but by the way he’s acting we think he’s on something else too.”

“Jesus..”

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

He pulled into the small parking lot, marked by a sign stating there was an extra church service for Easter that had yet to be taken down. There he saw another truck. It was black and lifted and had more than a few dents that were clearly from screwing around rather than actual work. The front was basically caved in but the damage was minor, especially compared to what your car looked like. It was almost half of the size it used to be, completely crushed in on the drivers side.

“She’s lucky, you know.” Logan looked up, searching for the source of the voice through the pouring rain. A firefighter walks over.

“Usually people don’t survive accidents like this but the collusion happened more towards the back.. You’re family, right?”

“Uh yeah,” He held up his left hand, “Husband.”

“Yeahhh. Don’t worry about her. Her chances are looking good right now.”

“There’s more blood than I thought there would be.” He could smell it when he pulled up but getting this close he could see that it was yours; the other driver hadn’t been injured nearly as bad. He was hating his heightened senses that made it feel like the smell of iron was surrounding him.

“Oh yeah, there was a lot more in the street before the rain washed most of it away.” Logan looked increasingly nervous.

“So you came to get things from the vehicle?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Well there’s a lot of broken glass so if you need me or my colleagues to grab anything, just let us know.”

“No, I’ll be alright. Thanks.”

“No problem. We’ll just be talking with the officers if you change your mind.”

He got closer to your car, or what was left of it. Your keys had been pulled out of the ignition but were sitting on the dashboard. He picked them up and tried to ignore the blood and focus on where you usually leave things.

“Glove box, everybody keeps things in the glove box.” he thought aloud, quietly.

He walked around to the passengers side. Upon opening the door he saw your bag on the floor, sitting upright. Your phone and wallet were still inside although your ID and emergency sheet were separate. He assumed the first responders had opened your wallet to find such information. Logan picked up the bag and opened the glove box. He took everything out, placing it into the bag. Lucky for him, you didn’t keep much in your car. He took down the stuffed animal you kept on your dashboard and grabbed your blanket from the trunk. He threw the few other things you kept in your car into your bag then went to his own vehicle. An officer stopped him to talk to him about more details but his mind was only on you. None of the other details mattered if you weren’t okay.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

The drive to the hospital was silent. His thoughts were distracting enough. Logan felt like the drive was twice as long as it should have been. It felt like he was holding his breath the whole drive. He spoke quietly, trying to comfort himself.

“She’s going to be okay. She is tough. Fuck, of course she’s tough, look at who she married. Look at who she agreed to put up with..” His fists tightened around the steering wheel.

He pulled into the hospital’s visitors parking lot. He tried to steady his breathing before grabbing the backpack the paramedic recommended packing and heading inside. He didn’t even remember talking to the receptionist who told him which floor to go to for the right waiting room. But here he sat. Bouncing his leg anxiously. Waiting for you to get out of surgery. It was longer than he thought it’d take but eventually, a nurse came to talk to him.

You were out of surgery but you would still remain asleep, they were putting you in a medically-induced coma. There was too much trauma to the brain and this was the best option. They said you wouldn’t be under for longer than a week and offered to call him before waking you up but he insisted on staying by your side. The staff was admittedly concerned for him, he almost never slept. He just sat beside you. Waiting.

After almost four days, the tests suggested that they could stop the drugs inducing the coma. Your levels and brain activity showed that it was safe to do so. They warned him there would be side-effects from it and temporary memory loss was a possibility. Among other things. What they didn’t prepare him for was the time between stopping the drugs and you waking up. For some patients it was almost instantly. For you it was several hours.

The moment they stopped your IV drip to the moment you were conscious again, he didn’t let go of your hand. After the first hour he had resorted to quietly begging you to wake up, asking you not to leave him like this. As you woke up, that’s what you heard.

“-and I won’t complain about your stupidly long hours. Please. I’m sorry. Please wake up.” He called you a nickname you hadn’t heard before. Or at least one you didn’t remember. “Please- I know I’m dumb, I need you to wake up. I need you to know how sorry I am. And- and I never should have let you leave the house without telling you how much I loved you. I was upset and I wasn’t thinking. Please. I’m so sorry.”

As you woke up, your eyes fluttered open and you tried to get familiar with your surroundings. When you made a noise and moved your hand, Logan looked up at you in surprise. He jumped up from where he sat to gently hug you and tell you how much he loved you. He pressed the button for the nurse, as he had been instructed to. From there, he found out about your memory. You found out about the accident. You were both disappointed and a little scared. Logan has an overwhelming sense of guilt about what happened and you don’t even know what happened or if he played a role in it. In an ironic twist, he'd finally get to spend more time with you. Just not in a way he ever would have wanted.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

Second author's note: sorry if the argument isn't great, uhh definitely looking for feedback for improvement there. I was trying to make it both characters fault but idk. Also first attempt at a mood board for the fic. Idk if I like it, I may take it down, we'll see.

Okay it's been revised. I think it is a significant improvement but it's still no where near perfect. Stayed up until 6am making revisions because apparently, I'm allergic to sleep! And also joy as jt seems! But no rest for the wicked I guess: I have my immunology final project due in 8 hours and it is been severely neglected. Anyways thanks for your time... again I guess for some of you.

Taglist: @kemi707 @klwrites @fluff-lover @a-leg-without-fear @aoi-targaryen @vofriviasblog @jupiter-sky @crypt1dcat @karencaribou

[aishangotome]

[Silvio] A Love Tailored To You Part 2

Credit to @shatcey for providing the video upload.

When I asked him about last night's events, Carlo thought for a moment and then––

Carlo: You were very drunk.

Carlo: Tanzanite liquor really doesn't agree with some people.

Emma: It seems like I'm one of those people...

Emma: By the way, what happened after the party?

Carlo: Prince Silvio took you back with him.

Emma: Was I... different then? Like a different person?

Carlo: Hmm, well, you were certainly more affectionate with Prince Silvio than usual.

Carlo: But I don't know about being like a different person.

Emma: Is that so...?

(So Silvio took me back to my room after that. I'm sure that's where...)

Silvio: You don't remember? You were incredibly erotic and bold, like a different person.

(Ugh, how embarrassing...)

Carlo: Ah, speaking of which, last night Prince Silvio was unusually––

???: Asking other people about yer drunken antics, huh? You've got interesting hobbies.

Emma: !

Just as I heard a jingling sound from the end of the hallway, Silvio came striding towards us.

Silvio: Chattin' in the hallway, huh? Looks like you have too much free time, Carlo. If you're saying you don't have enough work, I can give ya more.

Carlo: No, it's fine! I'll get back to work. Excuse me!

Carlo bowed and then dashed off like a rabbit.

Silvio: So, did you find out what you wanted to know?

He put his arm around my waist as if to say he wouldn't let me escape, and gave me a mischievous smile.

It felt like he was peering into the depths of my mind, trying to access the memories of last night that seemed to be sealed away, and my heart skipped a beat.

Emma: I learned that I was very drunk last night.

Silvio: Anything else?

Emma: I heard that you took me back to my room.

Emma: Thank you.

Silvio: Well, if I had left a drunkard at the venue, it would have been troublesome.

Silvio: But thanks to that, I got to see you make a fool of yourself. So we're even.

Silvio gave me a satisfied smile and placed a light kiss on my temple.

(Somehow, he seems to be in a better mood than usual.)

(Is it because last night was so amazing? Does that mean he's usually not satisfied?)

Anxiety sparked in my chest, and at the same time, the uneasy feeling from last night returned.

Even when I saw Silvio being approached by women at the party, I didn't feel particularly jealous.

Rather, I even felt envious.

I thought, if I could be like that, alluring and confident, Silvio would surely be thrilled by a different side of me––

(Maybe that drink made it possible.)

(A bolder, more sensual me that would make Silvio happy...)

(.........)

Silvio: You don't remember anything else?

Emma: Huh?

Silvio's voice brought me back to reality with a start.

Emma: No, I don't remember anything after that.

Silvio: Good.

(.........?)

I felt like Silvio had an expression of slight relief.

(Could it be that there's something inconvenient for Silvio if I remember last night?)

(Like, maybe he was overwhelmed by my boldness and showed a different side of himself...?)

Silvio: What are ya staring at?

Emma: Nothing.

Even as I shook my head, I was making a certain resolution.

-

That night---

I visited Silvio's room, wearing a more seductive negligee than usual, hidden under a gown.

––I masked my embarrassment with strong alcohol.

Silvio: It's unusual for you to come to my room dressed like that. Are you drunk again today?

Emma: Yes. My body aches, and I want you now...

I gently took the glass from Silvio's hand as he sat drinking by the window, placed it on the table, and led him to the bed.

(I won't blush or be shy. Today, I'm a very bold and seductive woman...)

As I told myself this, I pushed Silvio down and tried to take off his clothes, but---

Silvio: You're not that drunk, are you?

(Huh?)

Emma: I-I'm drunk.

I unbuttoned Silvio's shirt and showered his neck with kisses.

His hand slipped into my negligee, moving from my thigh to my buttock, but I managed to keep my expression unchanged.

Silvio: If you're saying you're the same as last night, then of course you can undress yourself, right?

Emma: I can. This is just a hindrance to making love with you.

Still straddling Silvio, I crossed my arms and took off my negligee.

(This is so embarrassing...! But if I back down now, it'll be the same as always.)

With my breasts exposed, I placed both hands beside Silvio's face and leaned over him.

Silvio: So, what are you going to do next? You're not satisfied with just taking it off, are you?

Emma: Of course not.

I took Silvio's hand, placed it on my breast, and kissed him.

Emma: Mmm...

I slipped my tongue between his lips, entwining them, and felt a heat building deep within my core.

Emma: Mm... ah...

As I kissed him hungrily, the hand I had placed on his chest brushed against his nipple.

(Normally I would pull my hand away, but...)

I pressed my hand more firmly against his chest, and as if in reward, his fingertips teased a sensitive spot.

Emma: Ahh... oh...

After a while, our lips parted with a soft sigh.

Silvio: It might be better to take this off too, before it gets soaked.

He lowered my underwear slightly, and I felt the dammed-up honey threatening to spill over.

(Silvio seems completely unfazed. I'm trying to be bold, but...)

I pulled down my underwear along with Silvio's fingers.

Now completely naked, I tried to take off Silvio's pants, but then---

Emma: Whoa!

Silvio sat up and pushed me back down.

He lifted my legs and pressed my knees up near my face, exposing my most private parts.

Emma: W-wait a minute, this position is too embarrassing!

Silvio: You really aren't drunk, are you?

When I flailed my legs, Silvio let go of them with a mischievous laugh.

(Was I really bold enough to accept this position last night...?!)

I hurriedly covered myself between my legs with my hands, the air feeling slightly cool against my skin.

Silvio: Seems like you didn't have enough to drink.

Silvio: Now, move yer hands. Your turn is over.

Emma: Ah...!

He moved my hands away, and his fingertips sank into my thoroughly wet center with a soft sound.

As he stirred inside me, even my resolve to "be bold" melted away––

(As I thought, just being a little drunk isn't enough.)

(That drink I had last night... I need something that will make me lose myself completely.)

After that, I was thoroughly loved by Silvio as usual, and drifted off into a sweet slumber.

-

-- The next day.

Shopkeeper: I do have what you're looking for––but are you the one drinking it, young lady?

I was visiting the tavern that was said to have the largest selection in town, my appearance modestly concealed.

Emma: Yes.

Shopkeeper: I think you should reconsider. Well, you have enough money, so...

Shopkeeper: Here you go, the strongest Tanzanite liquor I have.

.

.

.

.

Part 1 | Part 3

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[mossplot]

Maybe a good/better ending AU? 🥹

What about a set of headcanon designs of formal/evening attire for the Tulpar Crew? May or may not include Jimmy, and Curly's condition is up to you. :3

OMG YIPPIE YES! I LOVE THIS ASK BC I’VE THOUGHT TO MYSELF SO MANY TIMES “oh man, what would a better ending look like?” BC I SEE SO MANY POSTS AND ART PIECES ON IT! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK I LOVE YOU MWAH MWAH!💕💕

Mouthwashing Better AU+

Formal Attire!

TW: Mentions of R*pe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-I like to believe in this better AU, when Anya tells Curly about what Jimmy has done to her, he immediately confronts him and pulls NO punches.

-Curly wants to believe it's some sick joke for his own sanity, but he knows Jimmy and what he's capable of (being somebody's friend for twenty-some-odd years does that.)

~"Hey man, what's up?"

~"Anya told me. Jimmy, man...what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you serious?"

-Doesn't bother contacting cooperate before deciding to put their cryogenic chamber to good use protecting Anya (not without heavy resistance on Jimmy's end, kicking and scratching trying to avoid being confined.)

-The rest of the haul went rather smoothly with maybe a few very minor bumps and scraps here and there.

-There's plenty of team bonding like game nights. Daisuke always wins much to everyone's dismay, but it's fairly funny watching Anya get pissed off and claim he's cheating at an "un-cheatable' game.

-Without Jimmy around, no one feels that they have to walk on eggshells anymore (this especially applies to Anya.)

-When they finally make it back to Earth, they're all so relieved yet saddened.

-Even though they are ecstatic to get back to their regular lives, they had grown to be a family over the past year.

-Lots of hugs and tears (mostly from Daisuke) and promises to meet up as often as all of them can!

-Jimmy is unfrozen and put on trial, being convicted of rape and thrown in prison. He gets counseling and progresses into a much better person but remains in prison for a long time ultimately deciding that when he gets out, he won't contact anyone on the Pony Express team. (He fades from their memories over time and they have no idea what became of him.)

-Daisuke goes home and reconnects with his parents and sister after being gone for a year, blabbering about everything that occurred and about how much fun he had interning for Swansea (who he calls every so often to keep in touch.)

-After a couple months or so, he finally decides to apply to Maryland Institute College of Art and gets accepted! (His parents are just happy he's finally applying himself.)

-Swansea already had a preestablished family prior to joining the Tulpar, a family in which he was so grateful to see again when he got back and vice versa.

-He took a very deserved period of self TLC before going back to work the auto-body shop he and his daughters ran!

-Curly had the most eventful time after leaving the Tulpar as he wasn't sure he wanted to be a captain anymore after that trip.

-He takes some time, job hopping from being a commercial airlines pilot, a line service technician, and finally settling on a less glamourous yet much more significant title, Professor Curly at Purdue University.

-Speaking of college, Anya decides to go back to school in an attempt to get her master's in Nursing and after several setbacks, she manages to graduate with a 3.56 making her the dean's list!

-It's her very graduation that has the crew (minus Jimmy of course) reuniting after several years!

-Graduations are an important event, especially college ones! This is exactly why each member comes dressed in what they view as "formal attire."

-While all of the men dawn suits of various colors, Anya wares a beautiful plum colored ankle length gown fitted with three golden star pins that corset the back under her ceremonial garb. On her feet are tasteful golden, shimmery flats that serves to complement the pins as well as allowing her to move as needed. (AKA she cannot walk in heels for the life of her.) Chooses to steer away from any Jewlery and leaves her hair as is naturally. Usually wearing very minimal makeup, Anya decides to go all out for this special occasion! https://pin.it/aAdHL9ahttps://pin.it/aAdHL9a0H0H

-Daisuke is clade in a salmon-colored suit (the same color as his Hawaiian shirt he wore in his days in the Tulpar) that is adorned by golden fixings on the cuffs. While his hair, now grown slightly longer, is pulled back into a neat ponytail, he decides against a tie or bow, rather leaving the top button undone and open showing off two layered necklaces. One a locket of his family and the other a simplistic, thin chain. He wears red dress shoes that do not compliment his attire at all, but as long as he liked it who cares? He too decides to wear a bit of makeup to enhance his features. Despite his time in college, Daisuke remains as cheerful and free-spirited as he was in the past!

https://pin.it/6BJb0uEGc

-Curly's attire consists of a very plane navy blue suit to compliment his eyes. The suit is similar to Daisuke's in style and cut, but instead of gold fittings his are silver! The only one in the bunch to wear a belt and he makes sure it's black to match his shoes and tie! His curly hair is slicked back with a few left dangling as framing pieces.

-Lastly, Swansea comes in a regular black suit and tie with his favorite sneakers from his collection on. He has a silver tie clip snapped on to ensure it stays on straight (you cannot convince me he does not have one of those) that match his cuff buttons! His greying hair is combed back into that neat style that older gentlemen wear, courtesy of his wife! He originally just wanted to go in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but his wife scolded him into changing on the condition he could still wear the sneakers.

-The graduation goes flawlessly, and emotions run high as they all crowed into cars heading to the nearest restaurant for good food and even better company.

[18wqs]

` ♡ - KAMISATO AYATO, FLUFF ﾉ SFW

——— ♡ ———

the yashiro commissioner, kamisato ayato, has always had an eye out for you. ever since ayaka mentioned you, for the first time and the first time he's ever seen you in their residence, he's found it hard to get you off his mind.

he accidentally found out where you like to go on walks and what you do in your free time. now, every time you go out on a walk to get some fresh air, a certain blue haired man would be accompanying you. not that you minded, of course.

such a thing has never happened to him. it's never happened that he wished to 'accidentally' run into someone on his walk. at first, he noticed how happy ayaka seemed to be when hanging out with you. the thing alone made him satisfied, knowing his sister finally has company of other people than him. don't get him wrong. he loved his sister dearly, but he was a busy man and couldn't pay constant attention to her. when ayaka introduced you to him, after he's came home and you were still there, he first noticed how beautiful you were. with the looks the personality came too, and that has to be one of his favorite things about you. you're fairly similar to him to an extent, tho you're much more of a talker compared to him.

"a truly wonderful and peaceful view, isn't it?"

you enjoyed his presence. your first impression of him wasn't any different from his of you, except you knew he existed, who he was, and just how handsome he was. you never had any hopes about him because, well, after all, he is the yashiro commissioner, is he not?

"would you perhaps accompany me to a café, one day?"

– "is this a friendly matter, or maybe a date?"

the day he invited you on a date was the day your hopes actually lit up. the date went well. you two went to a quieter place, with fewer people, as he wished. you were scared it would be awkward with him alone, but you were proved wrong. the whole time, there was something to talk about. it was either you talking and him listening or him talking and you listening. tho you did try for him to talk as much as possible, hence how much you enjoyed hearing his voice.

"we should repeat this some time. if you agree."

ayaka obviously started catching on that something fishy was going on. suddenly, her brother had a lot more free time, and he was almost always at home, especially when you were there. she's noticed the way your eyes light up every time she mentions him or when you see him. she noticed his behavior changing a lot, too. he seemed to be much more talkative, again, especially around you. almost as if someone has told him how much they like listening to him talk. ayaka wasn't sure about it, and she didn't want to make any speculations, but if it were true, she wouldn't mind it. actually, she would be really happy. the two people she truly adored to be together and in love.

"you have been asking about my brother a lot at these times... has he caught your eye?"

when you two actually make it official between each other, the first people to find out would definitely be ayaka and thoma. at first, you would keep it at that level since you didn't know what chaos that would cause, and ayato was worried that the rumors and pressure that would be created would drain you out. when both of you are ready to, you'd make it known to the whole of inazuma. i mean, the words of kamisato ayato getting into a relationship would surely spread out pretty quickly.

"we have decided to make things official between us."

– "brother, I'm truly sorry, but if this was supposed to be a surprise, you failed to surprise us. it was quite obvious from the start."

kamisato ayato, would treat you like you're the shogun herself. if he couldn't make it to a planned date, because of how busy he was, he'd make up by buying you lots of things until he was the one that felt satisfied and that it made up for, as he said, 'the time of yours he's wasted'. he'd shower you in expensive and probably unnecessary gifts, but I feel like that would be his kind of love language. he didn't expect anything from you back. if you'd get him even the smallest gift ever, tho, he'd be very grateful for it and would thank you every time he remembers it. his touch is gentle, and he is very careful around you, acting as if you're a fragile glass doll. to him, you were the most delicate piece of jewelry that he had to keep and protect at all cost.

"ayato, I promise you it's fine. you didn't waste my time, we are literally in a relationship."

– "I am very aware, my dear, but I couldn't quite forgive myself, so I've brought you a gift in return."

even tho you would probably be the first one to say 'I love you' that doesn't make him not love you back, or even more. in truth, he would be too scared to say it first. he would think if he did, you'd feel pressured to say it back, and he just really didn't know when you're supposed to say it. give him a break it's his first time being in love with someone so dearly. when you do say it, his heart would explode. such words mean so much to him, especially coming from someone like you, his beloved.

"I love you ayato."

– "I love you too, so much, my dearest"

——— ♡ ———

first post and first time writing ayato! hopefully, I did well, and I hope it's close enough to canon ayato. feel free to leave me requests (genshin characters).