#the impulse to again even though i know ill regret it becuase i wont be able to hide them i absolutletly hate my body and my personality i
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the-sappho-of-lesbos · 5 years ago
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#honestly my is driving me crazy i feel like im insane and i just cant trust my perception of reality because here i am again and 2 in the#morning just losing my mind over eveeything#my scars are itchy so a scratch them then they bleed again ive got the worst headache and whenever i manage to drop off for a nap i wake up#absolutely drenched in sweat and i dont know why its still fairly cool i have my fan on high im wearing shorts and a tshirt#i feel like my body is dying on me i have constant aches in my stomach that feel like period pains but im not even on my period#i cant concentrate#im falling behind on uni AGAIN even though i promised myself id work hard this semester for that not to happen i cut 2 days ago and i have#the impulse to again even though i know ill regret it becuase i wont be able to hide them i absolutletly hate my body and my personality i#i just cant handle anything i hate how lonely I am. i keep crying over not habing a gf#hurting myself when i see couples. picking apart everything that i do wrong#i just hate myself so much. i dont want to be me. i dont want to be here. its not fair that im forced to live a life i never had a chocie in#and i dont even have a chocie in how long im here for. because there is not one way i can remove myself for this earth in a way that wouldnt#be traumutsing for someone else. i hate it. let me throw in the towel. clearly im not doing this right. clearly im not cut out for life. all#i ever do is mess up. i cant leave the house i cant eat propelry i cant work i cant study i cant be around ppl properly i cave at the first#sign of anger. i cant drive. im always in pain. im always sad. im always on the brink of tears. i cut myself and think about how to die#everyday. CLEARLY im not meant to be here but im stuck. i dont want this. im filled with so much pain and i just want it to end. but no i#had to be out here as a freaking stupid and ugly mentally ill dyke in the time where lesbians are hated and i literally have no chance of#findinf the only thing that woukd make it ok a gf#like screw that. its not fair. i dont want to do this anymore. ive been sick since i was 7. i WANT OUT. I DONT WANT TO DO THIS. IM OVER IT
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