#etho said it best
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Okay, but can we talk about how this season had the MOST solid teams? For a season that started episode 1 with barely any concrete alliances, by the end of the season, almost every team was in ride-or-die mode to an extent that we usually only see from one or two factions at most in other seasons.
cletho enjoyers have been having a field day over here with cleo and etho’s run at painting the town and grian was the only one who listened to etho when he said that they were outnumberedd and outgunned and sacrificed himself with the intent to get gem into manageable territory for everyone else.
the mounders went into the last battle together and joel and bdubs died in the same fight, barely blocks from each other. pearl, who’d spent the entire last episode telling the boys not to die on her and offering they kill her when she got low, was the last survivor and was Very Not Okay with it.
the heart foundation was a bit funny, cuz bigb was always one foot out the door, so his ‘do you have an alliance/ ehhhh’ while they lived was fairly on brand, but tango betrayed scar and walked knowingly into his death with him because he wouldn’t betray skizz.
gem and the scotts were, of course, ride or die from day one. even with scott doing his social gaming and gem’s apocalypse, scott and impulse both gave her their yellow lives and scott gave her his red as well.
and even, in the end, scar, who’d gotten genuine offers of alliance from 3/4 of the factions and denied them all for one reason or another, still ended up teaming with pearl at the end and managed a heartbreaking final fight.
#this finale was like 15 consecutive shots to the heart#anyways im still sobbing in the corner here dont mind me#slsmp#slsmp spoilers#life series spoilers#trafficblr#gtws#mcyt#cletho are the couple that got married. realized they were better as friends. divorced. and are now bffs#its great#and thats not even counting all the mini alliances#etho said it best#you gotta have your scotts in your series- you gotta have your bdubs in your series.#that one person you feel can feel comfortable around no matter what situation#my h e a r t#op
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current hermitcraft star trek AU thoughts: meet some of the crew of the USS Taney (named for a storied US coast guard cutter, for those curious):
chief petty officer joe hills, maintenance chief. it’s my AU and one of the principle characters can be an enlisted sailor instead of a commissioned officer if I want to dammit. spends a LOT of time in jeffries tubes doing essential maintenance and is responsible for a lot if enlisted engineering staff. a betazoid who joined starfleet to see the stars but gets admittedly VERY STRESSED OUT on account of not being great at human social mores, thank god for military formality am I right. well-liked and respected amongst the crew, especially other enlisted sailors but also with commissioned officers. straight-up refuses to use his betazoid abilities for any actual work though because he’s convinced he constantly misinterprets people’s minds. whether or not this is true is… questionable… but he’s maintenance chief not a councilor or something so no one ever actually has real opportunity to call him out on this. well, mostly nobody. except maybe for…
ensign cleo, a former borg drone that was taken prisoner and separated from the hivemind. starfleet has no records of her homeworld or original race and what do you know, she doesn’t know either! thanks, borg, she hates it. took to sarcasm like a duck to water. ended up on the taney because in the early days joe was somehow the person who broke through to her and command is still wary she might regress, even given that she has since passed accelerated academy classes and earned a commission. a security officer and cybersecurity expert (for a given definition of “expert”, given the source of the information). very good at covering insecurities by being Mean. literally everyone who works with her is aware though so literally everyone knows she is Deeply Loyal to the taney’s crew. which is why people keep trying to “helpfully” run interference against starfleet intelligence for her, to her great annoyance, because she actually kind of likes…
commander etho, a vulcan intelligence officer. has had a storied career, meaning people who don’t know much about the intelligence community hate that he’s around, people who do idolize him, and people who know him know he’s just kind of awkward. extremely competent, sure, but awkward. frequently in communication with, traveling on, and otherwise involved with the taney, largely because the taney keeps on somehow tripping over things that should be state secrets and he’s best equipped to clean it up (case in point: cleo). sometimes etho thinks the only way the ship could be more cursed is if they named it enterprise. then he reminds himself that’s an illogical superstition. despite the fact he technically now has a desk job the aforementioned storied career makes him a very competent actual field commander as well, which means he ends up involved in operations whenever he’s on board.
these are the guys I have ideas for so far. still need to think of like. a captain for the ship. most of the senior staff. I just have ideas for this au you know,
#hermitcraft#joe hills#zombiecleo#ethoslab#i am not OVERLY familiar with 7 of 9 or hugh yet so if cleo breaks canon somehow here#whoops. Oh well. it’s my au and ‘former Borg’ makes the best analogue to ‘zombie’ i think that’s possible in the st universe#also joe the betazoid chief petty officer has been the one constant of this au concept I’ve had for MONTHS#like I said. It’s my party and I can make my guy an enlisted sailor if I want to.#ALTHOUGH GIVEN HIS IRL LIFE IT TECHNICALLY MAKES WAY MORE SENSE TO GIVE HIM A COMMISSION#OH WELL.#also etho the deeply awkward Vulcan is the most recent addition here and I love it#absolutely uses Vulcan stoicism to cover for when he’s just sort of awkwardly uncertain#this does not work on cleo naturally.#uhhh. anyway if yall have additional ideas pls let me know#I may or may not use them but it’s fun to imagine#also I love the idea of these three (none of them human all of them anxious) trying to solve problems#somehow cleo is the best at human social norms and joe can READ MINDS CHIEF HILLS /REALLY./#(etho in the corner politely not mentioning Vulcans can also read minds technically it’s just touch telepathy instead of general)
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twitch_clip
"Cleo, I need armor, I look terrible, don´t I?"
"You are always beautiful to me, Etho. What do you need?"
"I-I appreciate it, Cleo. You got like that motherly gaze at me though, like, where I´m always perfect, you know..."
"Mhm..."
"I need- (quieter) I need to look good for other people too though."
"Oh. Okay - who are you trying to impress, Etho?"
"Well... mostly the viewers. Um..."
"Oh. I´m gonna tell - I´m gonna be real with you, Etho. You could dress however you like and everyone would still love you of [?] your viewers. (both laughing) You can´t do anything wrong with the viewers Etho, let´s be real."
#hc s10#stream notes#zombiecleo#etho#cleo´s October 23 stream#immediately afterwards Etho said he did a bad thing and Cleo asked what he did with such delight in their voice#hermit hangout streams are the best
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things that i feel like not enough people picked up on or latched onto in secret life that i think could feed a criminal empire for years if everyone noticed it:
in episode three, sure its cool when the portal opening sound happens right as grians saying that mumbo can't reroll his task, but as mumbos failing scar says "i had, like, a little weird vision of his eyes turning red for a second? it was scary." which. every fic I've read of someone seeing a flash of someone in a past life with red eyes?? much food there.
bdubs and mumbo in general this season? there's a lot of little stuff like bdubs giving mumbo his heart to have it not reciprocated and "bdoubleo wanted to check out my backside and i never put my clothes back on" and just the fact that mumbo uses the full "bdoubleo" and bdubs is willing to do anything mumbo says (globe) and mumbos willing to piggyback on all of bdubs's ideas (sideways house), the whole little thing of mumbo accidentally being too tunneled in on say his task about scar to notice bdubs (i think of c!mumbo as sorta aro/ace but still, making a point.) and then bdubs dealing with the rejection (keep in mind this is all just from episode 3) the mutual complimenting of bdubs's building of the globe and mumbo' being the muse for it. something about sitting up there in the middle of the night and just talking is a little bit romantic
episode 5 when jimmy's just gone red and is absolutely ballistic and hunting pretty much everyone in the heart foundation. he says that he was never planning on getting tango, he had it out for skizz, but was pleasantly surprised when he managed to get tango. except their dynamic was sorta funny, very vicious and like. homoerotic fight scenes be like? its the old lovers(soulmates) to enemies sorta vibe and how jimmy kept demanding how many hearts he'd taken off tango and tango teasing him without saying the real answer. it was how tango whacked him (whoopsie) and then jimmy told him he had to stand and take the damage from the TNT and he did for some reason? he kind of didn't have to (i know moral code and life series is self moderating and tango was green and shouldn't have hit jimmy blah blah blah but) all that spicy stuff and then tango being away and being rengo for the next episode and real tango never getting to speak to jimmy again before he died? that all seems a bit too good to pass up
anyway, thats just some of my thoughts
#secret life#life series#trafficshipping#grian#mumbo jumbo#gtwscar#gtws#goodtimeswithscar#bdoubleo100#bdubs#the mounders#jimmy solidarity#tangotek#rancher duo#lovers to enemies#random things my brain said#i found it weird no one else (at least that i saw) picked up any of this stuff and ran with it#much respect for ethubs but mumbo and bdubs had such a fun weird sorta unrequited love thing going on i couldn't pass it up#not to mention tango and jimmy handing us an enemies to lovers plot on a silver platter#funny#like him saying to etho in episode 7#“i would fail for you”#only to get “thats nice” and “you're the best#pixls things
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#sl#desert duo#im so glad Scar is living his best life being the specialist guy on the server and wearing a helmet#but as a screenshot blog that loves the helmet rule for nicer screenshots please someone call him out on it I’m crying#LITERALLY Tango even was like we can’t wear helmets right? expect Scar cause he’s a special little snowflake in etho’s episode#WAIT it’s even funnier that TANGO said that cause didn’t he get shot and lost a life for breaking that rule in 3rd life?#crying#I feel like a should have written a post about all this but no it’s staying in the tags of my screenshot blog#anyways
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i'm having hyperfixation drought so i did what i did best and created a crossover episode
#trafficblr#life series#hermitcraft#qsmp#the drought's been crazy i had to make qsmp x life series/hermitcraft you don't understand i literally had to#i literally cannot tag all of the cubitos without going over the limit so i'm gonna use them to rant about these doodles instead#when i tell you that i think dl!pearl would've loved tilín i'm telling you i think she would've LOVED them like.#something about just wanting to find love at every turn but feeling unwanted spdihgpisadhfpa. and also tilín's name is similar to tilly LOL#the jelly egg is just like if the double life jelly pandas were just an egg that scar loves with all his heart and grian reluctantly accept#i think out of all the duos in qsmp. the one i would want to see in the dl soumate premise the most is slimeriana. it's the dysfunctionalit#i made a post in the past about pac and tango being my fav cubitos bcs they were both crazy cartoonish and like scientists#but it kinda felt like a disservice to leave mike and zedaph out because to me they're argubly crazier and more cartoonish#missa and tim are paired bcs i just really wanted an excuse to draw the wet cats and it just so happened they both have relations to death#skizz and jaiden as the lawyers who were SHOCKINGLY good at their jobs like they cooked with that one#(was also gonna draw joe and roier as bad lawyers but i was running outta steam)#someone's already made a post about grian and (el) quackity and their eye entities so not much elaboration needed there#fit and etho just give the same vibe to be as a dude who has a reputation and is well-known and seems intimidating#i also made fit's arms way too skinny and i don't like it...but i'm not gonna go back and change it now i spent embarassingly long on this#but then his silliness is brought out by The Narrative#foolish and bdubs is one of my favorite drawings because i just knew i wanted to highlight the silly height difference#just realized they're also both god-like figures at least at some point#cellbit and rendog. cat and dog and lore. enough said about their connection.#i couldn't decide who fit etoiles combat hungry anime protagonist vibe best bcs martyn was originally paired with him#but i wanted martyn with phil so i went with my second options: joel and gem#i couldn't draw them mid rage but essentially the title is derived from “WHO KILLED EMPANADA” and “do me a favor. die for me.”#philza minecraft and martyn inthelittlewood. they feel like twins but one is evil (it's martyn)#SOMETHING I FORGOT THAT I WISH I ADDED: BBH AND BIGB AS THE ENTITIES WHO LIE. I HATE MYSELF HOW COULD I FORGET THAT#if i were to pair impulse with someone it would be tubbo? either him or scar would've been with tubbo#and then lizzie i just did not know who i wanted to pair her with. no one really does it like her in my opinion#scott's someone i also had no idea who to put him with he's just so...him...
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I was watching this ethubs megacut video and it's composed of LL clips and there's a part after... I think Tango? maybe? blows up the middle tower in their fortress that Bdubs says smth like "We can always rebuild" and Etho replied "I'm done building" and like. do I need to explain the metaphors you can make out of this. they're making me ill again
#ethoslab#bdubs#ethubs#ecstra explosions#liksten. listen it's just.#he really doesn't; y'know?#he doesn't build anymore- relatiinship wise; which is what I'm going for here#at least not with Bdubs#bear with me here before you go calling me crazy#even when Etho reaches out to Bdubs he can never bring himself to fully build that bridge#in double life he tried to get Bdubs to see hey; I want this bridge built; a castle with me has better walls than one with him#but those walls are so thick he's forgotten how to let anyone through#and when Bdubs says he's happy with Impulse Etho knows there's no way to build that bridge#and then in lim life Bdubs builds *so much* of that bridhe for them#it's so many moments but 'it'll still be you and me' (and etho never says yes) encompasses it best I think#Bdubs spends all of Lim life building that bridge between them; but Etho would have had to build that last connection#but Etho's done building#but *NOW* in SL Etho built a house with Cleo; and he's building again- he built a bridge with Grian and one with Cleo#and Bdubs said he'd fail for him. Bdubs asked 'oh; Etho?' when Cleo asked abt his boyfriend.#but ultimately Etho looks at bdubs and can only see that broken fortress#and in the end he never says me too#sorry sorry went on a tangent. sorray
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which was more culturally significant, the renaissance or hermitgang
#it all started when grian touched my redstone he played himself like a xylophone set on automatic doc monster is a savage with technical#skills and crazy vocal acrobatics i’m a legend of the nho with etho beef and double o docmc is coming for you seven fold i got rendog and#other firemen to douce the flames that you shoot at this leviathan iskall can try again you think i’m in hiding i’m just biding my time#putting pen to paper coming up with rhymes were the star studded group got together just to crush you once we start something you know were#going to see it through i’m the knight the soldier who brings the fight at first light y’all had to incite so now i gotta indict you’re#guilty of getting murdered with words y’all are outgunned go home nerds hermitgangx16 if you think you can stop the symmetry that’s false#gteam is dialling for help but i’m in ignoring their calls and when their bodies dissolve you know that false’s on a killing spree try to#stop my pvp and perish painfully i’m the queen of hearts heads and body parts your diamond armour can’t compare to my martial arts i’ll#send a poison dart to make you breath your final breath gteams name will be the only thing left caffeinated animated redstone innovator my#behaviour’s crazy can’t phase me impulse is never lazy tango why would you betray now my scope is aiming better run from cover from all the#ghast balls that i be taming without a sound without no hesitation my creations are amazing better watch your step or the gteam will end up#blazing whos the better team there is no controversy but before it’s said and done y’all be begging us for mercy hermitgangx16 x gone give#it to ya i’m gone give it to ya x gone give it to ya what lyrical boxing dropping blows on all my foes and the gteam they’re looking#unclean needing some sunscreen burnt by words this herd of nerds it’s ubsurd how my rhymes got them injured danger danger i got lasers to#cut them up like razors it’s flexing season and i got flavour their weak defenses like trenches and fences that these dense heads are#presenting they’re presenting them alright they’re not very good i could walk over them i could jump over them i could use an ender pearl i#could use my elytra come one gteam geez hermitgangx16 now i’m back and i got some things i wanna say what’s the letter that starts the#alphabet a ladies get it line the diggity be on the way cleo don’t know who she freaking with all the signs say to notify her next of kin#this digitty dog be dropping bombs nothing but hits spit that line again brrr cause the message is i could mumble rap and still be the best#there is hermitgangx16 oh you wanted me to do a verse i’ll have to check with gteam i mean i’ll have to check my schedule to see if i can#see if i’m able to do that sort of thing busy guy lots of things to do oh do averse bananas do a verse bananas i just don’t know if it’s a#good idea for me to a part of this song really#i just typed all of that out from memory im a little bit insane i think
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ok so i've speculated on what kind of home environment[s] mimuro and mei might have before but like the kind of home environment that produces people who just like lie like that. well. smiles.
#to be clear i do think he was being serious when he said that i don't think mimuro is running around with the intention to abandon nisei--#let alone at such a critical moment but like ough agh...................#like mimuro kind of is a patently unreliable person who builds himself up as an authourity figure with absolutely zero follow through#or seemingly any investment in following through#he's one of the few units we never see casting any kind of spell#like he does not want to be here he's just maintaining an image. smiles.#i think it's really funny that that's the sort of person nisei would allow himself any sort of passive attachment to also lmao#like this noncommital asshole when we know what nisei's home life is like like............#it's just what's comfortable for a person like nisei i think.#someone with the illusion of power that he can attach to but who isn't willing to actually wield it over him#and someone who's too caught up in their own head to properly attach to him which is familiar to him#and he also doesn't have to worry (in his head) if they do abandon him because it wasn't real anyway so whatever#i do think mimuro loves nisei. i do but i have no idea if nisei knows this and if he does i don't think regardless of anything he feels--#for mimuro that he's above using those feelings to manipulate him.#but i do think it's interesting that he does show at least a passive investment in mimuro's safety. not even in like a shippy way i just--#think that like. idk nisei cares about people and what they think of him a lot more than he lets on#and i do think he cares about mimuro and if mimuro shows up again i think he's going to be mad at him for abandoning him#even though SIGH like mimuro isn't wrong. in that like breaking things off with nisei is objectively the best move for mei (and his own)--#safety but he's also literally nisei's only like. support network. in any capacity. and i do think that like soubi nisei probably has--#some amount of abandonment issues though obvs probably not as bad as soubi's but that's like. soubi's child abuse tulpa vs nisei's child--#neglect tulpa ethos innit...........#it's sooooo ourhgh......... curls up in a little ball and dies. anyway.
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Well. We didn't win it for quackblr.. but they didn't win it for us either. So I guess it's all even in the end
#fp.txt#ethogirls4quackblr#for quackblrs who may not be familiar with source: this quote is what etho said after losing a death game the round after his partner died#we are reunited in death 💕#you fought well. we did our best to win for you. can we kiss now
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Etho looks down quietly at his basket, making sure everything he needs is inside. He knows it is best to only make one trip down to the water. The water is treacherous. He is strong enough to withstand it, but of course, everyone who ever drowned thinks they're strong enough until their lungs are bursting. So. He double checks. He makes sure.
He has a week's worth of laundry. Some dishes he needs sand from the river to scour. A bucket, so he won't have to make this trip for another few days. There are a few pieces of leather armor in need of a quick rinse before they're polished. Also, he's thirsty. He tries not to drink his rain water. He needs it to last.
Finally, Etho belts on his sword, hefts the basket over one shoulder, and the empty bucket with his free hand. He looks to the short path that leads down to the dock. The water is blue as the diamond sky above, edged in gold from the slowly gathering sunset. Birds are singing. Breeze whispers through the willow branches and cattails. Across the river, a small herd of deer is moving through the rushes. One breaks apart from the others to drink. Etho sighs out a long breath, steels himself, and walks down the trail.
The water is cursed. Very few people still come to the river for chores. Most only dare to run down for a few buckets of water when the well is running dry.
_____
When Tango saw him gathering his things earlier, he'd shaken his head and made a warding gesture with his hand. Protection. For himself. For Etho. Or just to ward away the idea of evil.
"Scream, I guess," Tango had told him. "I doubt we'll make it in time, but yanno, we'll know what happened."
Etho had only offered a tense smile behind his mask. Everyone would know what happened, scream or not.
"I'll be fine," Etho said. "I've been fine before."
He said it a lot more confidently than he felt, and Tango wasn't reassured. Tango had a good nose for things like that. He sniffed the air, and made the chagrined expression of someone who could smell a coming thunderstorm.
"Yeah. Sure." Tango sniffed again, and then tapped the side of his nose with a knowing finger. "On second thought, maybe save your breath."
_____
Etho walks out onto the dock, his footsteps silent as he can make them. He took his boots off by the dock's edge. They're heavy when they're wet. He sets the basket down gently on the aged wood. He fills the bucket first. In the neat and tidy plan of his habits, he thinks the bucket is the one he least wants to be left last with. It's heavy and cumbersome, and requires leaning over the water's edge. So he fills it, trying to disturb the water as little as possible, and pads back to his boots to set it down gently beside them. Then he's back to his basket, and getting to the louder work, what he know will attract attention.
He grabs a shirt and dunks it into the water, wringing it out a few times before scrubbing it against the dock's edge. Someone nailed a washboard here, probably to make it easier for everyone else who needed to scrub up -- one less cumbersome thing to drag to the riverside. Beside it, Etho can see long scratches in the wood, vanishing off the side. He has large hands, so they don't line up to him, but the unmistakable look of nails scratching, clinging, is recognizable even still. He wonders idly who made them. Probably someone playing, before the water was cursed. Or an animal that swam across the bank and needed help scurrying out.
He is tempted to think it's something more sinister, but he knows better.
The water turns from diamond blue to sunflower yellow, then to blazing orange with rusted and bleeding edges. The herd of deer on the other side of the water wanders off, sated. A fox calls in the wood somewhere, an uncanny, very human scream. The bird calls twitter into silence, replaced by chirping frogsong. Etho wrings out the last of his clothes and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. He checks how far the sun has dipped in the sky, and decides he has an our yet before dark settles in.
With his clothes washed, he sets them back in the basket, neatly folded. They'll wrinkle probably, but when he puts them out on the line, the wind will straighten them out. His knees are sore from kneeling, his back from leaning. His armor will be easier to clean if he can settle in, brace it on his crossed legs.
Etho looks around the water, at the deceptive stillness. It's a slow, lazy river, hardly pushing the water fast enough to put ripples on it. There is one place near the opposite bank where a long shadow stretches from a stone, broken by the reflection of red sunset. It's the kind of image he would expect to see on a lake on a windless day. He's heard before that quiet rivers make for deadly waters, that there is a current in holes in the riverbed that will devour someone.
But Etho isn't in the water. He's on the dock, and the dock is safe. Nothing will drag him off it. Nothing in the water is strong enough. It doesn't have to be. There is some comfort in that, in knowing he can't be devoured against his will. It is why he still comes to the river. It is why he dares. Etho sits back and crosses his legs, bracing his leathers against his knees. He scoops a palm full of water onto them and scrubs, trying to get blood out of the small cracks where it will settle and rot. His chainmail is back at the fort up the hill, where its heaviness can't encumber him. It cleans itself reasonably well, all the links clattering together, just so long as he doesn't roll in any mud.
There is shuffling on the dock behind him, the creaking of old wood. Etho tilts his head, breathes in deeply through his nose. His pulse doesn't quicken. After a momentary pause, he resumes his work.
"Hey BDubs," he says conversationally. "Trying to sneak up on me?"
"Wh-- no. Of course not." There is mischief in BDub's answer, a grin in his voice. "The great Etho? Never. You probably heard me coming from a mile away."
"Maybe not a mile," Etho chuckles humbly. "You going to join me?"
"Well, I don't know," BDubs laughs, leaning over Etho's shoulder. "Is it safe?"
"I don't know why it wouldn't be."
"Water's cursed," BDubs reminds him. "There could be boogiemen about."
"You trying to tell me something BDubs?" Etho asks slyly, peering up at his friend.
"What? No of course not," BDubs laughs. He sits beside Etho, plunging his bare feet into the water beside the dock. "Even if I was, you know me Etho. You? Kill you? You'd kill me first."
"I don't know about that," Etho hums, splashing another palm full of water on a buckle clasp and scrubbing at a rusted stain with his thumb. "You made pretty efficient work of Grian."
"Grian had it coming," BDubs shrugs. "Got too caught up listening to the music."
Etho chuckles. "The music was very good."
BDubs kicks his feet in the water, humming the tune momentarily under his breath. It's a haunting sound, not really meant to be sung. Not by anything human. Etho shudders in spite of himself.
"Man, don't do that."
"Sorry! Haha! Sorry. Couldn't help it," BDubs grins a gap-tooth smile in Etho's direction, his eyes bright and gilded by the setting sun. "It's probably one of the coolest kills I've ever gotten."
"I'll make sure Tango knows you said that."
"Oh, Tango's fine." Bdubs waves a hand dismissively. "He's just upset 'cause I scared him."
"You did more than just scare him."
Dark room. Dark water. Tango screaming and running, scrabbling at the walls with his nails. If they ever went back to that little cave, Etho wondered if there would be marks on the walls like the docks, played, desperate fingers, digging.
"Well he's alive, isn't he?"
"I guess he is."
"Then he should get over it!"
Etho shakes his head, laughing. BDubs' voice is over-loud on the quiet lake, but its a good sound. Full of intensity and joy, and revelry. It made the silence between his words stark and empty, and Etho was always loathe to fill it.
Bdubs suddenly wraps an arm around Etho's shoulders, pulling him into a conspiratorial embrace. "Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you, by the way."
Etho suddenly has goosebumps on his neck, his spine, his arms. BDubs' arm is cold against his shoulders. He smells of bracken and standing water, and his eyes are bright as sunset. Etho takes a long, slow breath in and holds it for a moment.
"Uh... Yeah, BDubs?"
"I've got a plan, you know, for the others," Bdubs continues, his voice dropping to something near a whisper. There is something on the edge of his tone like the ringing of bells. Excitement. Thrill. Hunger. "But I'll need some help. I mean, I'm good at redstone, you know 'ol BDubs knows his stuff. But I need an expert. Someone good at traps."
"You know you've always got me Bdubs," Etho laughs, and it is hard to keep the nervousness from his voice. He's not sure he succeeds. "I'm happy to help. Just uh--" He shrugs his shoulders, and BDubs' arm falls away. "You know. Keep your distance."
"You're not scared of me, are you Etho?" Bdubs laughs, and it's loud and boisterous, and perfect. It echoes off the water like glass. Bells and ringing. He gives Etho a prideful, knowing look. "No, you're not scared of little 'ol BDubs. I know what you're scared of."
BDubs suddenly turns and slips into the water. Not all the way. His hands are still clinging to the wood, his elbows resting on the dock like it was a pool side. But the splash hits Etho's side and makes him shudder so hard, he drops the armor he'd been polishing. In a flash he's on his feet, backing away two, three steps. His movements feel too slow and heavy, and there's an instant of panic in him.
"Woah man!" Etho snaps, startled. He reaches for something, anything-- "I said keep your--!"
But BDubs is laughing, kicking his feet, stirring up the mud at the bottom of the river. "Oh come on Etho. It's water."
Etho takes three long breaths, filling his lungs to bursting before pushing the air out again heavy through his nose.
"You're fine you big baby," BDubs grins, resting his head on his crossed arms. His legs stop kicking, stop stirring up the mud, and Etho can see the water is shallow enough that he's standing on the bottom. He'd thought-- he'd thought-- "You'd think I tried to drown you, jeez."
He thought it was deeper.
Etho held his breath for a moment, counted slowly. He wanted to reach his hand to his neck, to check his pulse. To see how fast his heart was beating. He moved his hand to, and at a mocking glance from his friend, decides instead to stoop to pick up his dropped armor. He walks carefully to his basket and places it inside.
"Why'd you come down here, anyway?" BDubs asks. "If you're so scared, I mean."
"You know me, BDubs. I always come back," Etho answers, almost a reflex. A rehearsed answer. "Who else would I go to?"
"Tango and Skizz?"
"They won't keep me safe like you will." Etho points out. He shudders again, the cold from BDub's touch had seeped into him more than he thought it had. He's acclimating though, like jumping into a pool. It's a cold that seeps out of him, warms as it settles. "It's me and you to the end, right buddy?"
"Of course Etho. I'd never betray you."
Etho looks through his things one last time, then frowns. He turns the basket with his foot. He glances at BDubs, who still watches him from the water's edge. Then he takes a chance and crouches down beside his basket, rifling through with both hands.
"Lose something?" BDubs asks, standing on his tiptoes to get a better look.
Etho looks around, checking first the dock, and then the water beyond. In the deeper water over the side, he sees the flash of a buckle in the dying rays of the sun.
"Oh, huh," BDubs hums disinterestedly. "Guess you'll have to get that."
"BDubs," Etho scowls.
"Fine! Fine. I get it. You don't wanna get wet." BDubs puts up his hands, as though surrendering. "The water really isn't all that bad." He offers Etho a quick little salute. "Be right back."
He takes an exaggerated breath and splashes beneath the dock, stirring up mud and river plants. He breaks the water's surface shortly after, holding up the fallen armor piece triumphantly. "Ta-da! Hold your applause. I know I'm great."
Etho, in spite of himself, chuckles. He shivers again -- the evening is getting cold -- and reaches a hand out. BDubs places the buckle in his hand, then reaches his other hand up to clasp Etho's gently. It's awkward and off-balance, Etho leaning precariously over the side of the dock, and BDubs on his tip-toes, holding him in place. It isn't a hard grasp. At any moment, Etho can take his hand away. He has always been stronger than BDubs.
"Hey, Etho, I really have missed you, man," BDubs says, smiling fondly, his voice soft. It isn't a whisper. It simply isn't loud and brash like he normally is. Heartfelt. The kind of tone that beckons, that wants to be listened to. "I mean-- I've missed us doing things together. It reminds me of the good 'ol days, you know? NHO and Mindcrack. We make a good team."
"We do," Etho agrees. He takes a long, slow breath. He shivers.
He frowns.
Etho pulls his hand out of BDubs, and BDubs offers no resistance. Etho looks down at his hand, at the wrinkled, waterlogged skin. He rubs his thumb across his forefingers, feeling the odd texture, grounding himself on it. Etho takes a deep breath in, lets it out again slowly.
"How long have I been in the water, BDubs?" Etho whispers.
Etho is still holding the belt buckle in one hand, still looking down at the wrinkled fingers of his other. BDubs is still in front of him, only his head and shoulders above the water. Etho looks back over his shoulder. The dock is startlingly far away, the basket sitting on the very edge. Beyond it, his boots and water bucket are sitting in the grass beside rushes and willow branches.
"Does it matter?" BDubs asks, smiling gently.
Etho takes a long, deep breath through his nose.
"Oh, don't be scared," BDubs says, moving silently closer. He reaches out his hands and grasps Etho's arms, a gentle touch, reassuring. A friend trying to assuage fear. His eyes are blazing red and orange with the setting sun, but the sky is black and salted with stars. "I didn't drag you down here, Etho. You came to me, remember?"
"BDubs--"
"You know I'd never betray you," BDubs continues, taking a slow step backwards. He pulls Etho with him, and Etho, by habit and familiarity, takes a step forward. The allure of BDubs' voice tilts his vision. He's on the dock, holding the buckle that fell in the water, and BDubs is clasping his hands, and the sun is setting. The water is up to his chest, and the world is dark star-filled, and BDubs is taking another step backwards, and Etho is following. "I could have betrayed you day one, and I didn't. I'm just asking for your help, Etho. You and me together, right?"
"BDubs--"
"It's the deep water, isn't it?" BDubs croons, like he's speaking to a child. "The deep water scares you? It's okay. You're fine."
Etho is fine. His breathing is slow, his heartbeat even. He wants to be scared. He should be scared. But BDubs is his friend.
BDubs reaches up to Etho's neck, not to strangle or to threaten, but to gently cup his hands around him. He pulls gently on Etho, not to drag Etho down, but to raise himself up, so they're nearly eye to eye. Etho feels water around his shoulders, and shivers.
"It's okay," BDubs says. "I would never hurt you, I promise. We don't have to go any deeper." His voice even and calm, inexorable. Etho's pulse doesn't quicken when he says, "You know how many people drown in shallow water? It's easy. I'll be with you the whole time."
The water is around Etho's neck, and BDubs is above him just slightly. One hand raises slowly to the back of Etho's head, fingers gently tangling in his hair. It is the caress of someone who cares for him deeply, someone who wants him to stay. The feeling is wholly dissonant from the words being spoken. Water? Drowning? How could someone who loves him so much drown him?
"You want to stay with me, right?" BDubs asks. "You and me together, we'd be unstoppable, Etho. The best duo the Life Series has ever seen."
BDub's hand on Etho's neck moves just slightly, the thumb pulling around to rest on his adam's apple. The hand in his hair clenches just a little. A warning. "You're not thinking about betraying me, are you?"
Etho shivers again. He wants to be afraid.
"You know, Grian said some things before he drowned," BDubs's hand on his neck tightened just a little. Etho could feel his pulse against BDub's thumb, finally, finally beginning to quicken. "He said you were a survivor. He said you'd leave me -- heh -- high and dry. You wouldn't do that, would you, Etho?"
Etho's pulse quickened more. There was a cold numbness in his limbs that he hadn't even noticed gathering, and his sluggishly awakening panic pushed it from him.
"BDubs," Etho said, his voice small and hoarse in his throat, "let me go."
"Etho..." BDubs said warningly.
"Let me go!" Etho shouted, planting his hands on BDub's chest and shoving backwards away. What he felt, in that brief second, was neither skin nor flesh, nor the softness of fabric. He felt tangled river weeds, and fish scales, slimy and cold against his skin. The cursed thing that looked like BDubs but wasn't, released Etho spitefully. His claws tore from Etho's neck, scraped along the back of his head to come free with pale strands of his hair. Suddenly there were arms around him, and Etho screamed and thrashed as he was dragged.
"I've got you dude! I've got you!"
It was Skizz, his voice a thunderous bellow in Etho's ear, his arms feverishly hot against him where they clamped like vices around his waist. Skizz dragged Etho from the water like he weighed nothing. Etho got his feet underneath himself and clung to Skizz, staggering out of the water as quick as he could. He heard feet pounding on the dock, and glanced over to watch Tango sprint across the wood. He stooped, grabbed up Etho's basket, and sprinted back with it, the reaching, clawed hand of the thing that looked like BDubs snapping for his ankles and missing.
"I got him!" Skizz shouted to Tango, scrambling onto the grass, refusing to let Etho go until they were well up the path. "Did you see how close he was?!"
"Yeah I saw!" Tango snapped, choking on his own fear, gulping in air and coughing it back out again. "It tried to drag me in!"
"Oh my god, are you okay dude?" Skizz demanded, and, when Tango nodded, he turned back to Etho. "Are you okay? I didn't see you go under. Can you breathe?"
Etho, who had collapsed into the grass the moment Skizz released him, lay there gasping like a hooked fish. He shivered, pale and cold from how long he spent in the water-- how long had he been in the water. He could still feel the thing's burning claws in streaks across his neck, and a tickling of blood at the back of his head.
"Etho?"
"I'm okay," Etho gasped, "I'm sorry I just-- I needed-- I wanted--"
"I know what you wanted!" Tango snapped angrily, the anger of someone who had risked his life. The anger of someone who thought a friend of his was dead, or dying. "But it's not him, Etho."
"It sounds like him," Etho whispered. He threw an arm over his eyes and shivered again. "It sounds like him, though."
"I know it does buddy, I know," Skizz said, his voice full of sympathy and pity. He waited with mountainous patience as Etho pulled himself together, and then helped Etho stand.
Together, they walked back to the fort.
Behind them, something cursed and hungry in the dark water, sang, and its voice was sweet and familiar.
#the barking writer#ethoslab#bdoubleo100#last life smp#llsmp#last life boogieman#tangotek#skizzleman#siren#siren!bdubs#last life au#last life series#god dont ask#just don't ask me okay i got like#i was having Visions From God#I needed to write scary siren bdubs trying to drown etho#i was aiming for spooky im not sure if i got there#this is unedited and unproofread#i just needed to get it Out Of My Head i do apologize
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etho takes every bdubs says as gospel. why is he afraid of upsetting him so much. every interaction i've seen so far has been etho trying his best to not upset him and if he does he like vigorously apologizes and tries to explain why he did that. and him trying his best to please bdubs to the best of his abilities. he's building a goddamn stupid copper tower for him, he's desperately trying to follow bdubs' made up rules and then saying in his little sad pathetic voice "oh i thought you were serious..." when bdubs says it's a JOKE just pick a goddamn spot when he tries to figure out the golden ratio placement. etho why are you like this. do you miss him. do you miss bdubs. he sounded so sad when bdubs said that they're going to betray each other anyway and that they shouldn't have an alliance. he was ''pretend'' sad when bdubs said they shouldn't live together. what the hell
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Did anybody else get Last Life flashbacks or was it just me?
Transcript
Mumbo: Pearl, out of pure curiosity, because you're a yellow name, and you are surrounded by dark green names, right? They probably think they're way superior to you.
[CUT.]
Grian: Bdubs, Etho has no loyalty to you. He's just immediately teamed up with the next guy that's come along.
Tango: Yeah. He's a survivor, man. That's all he does: survive.
Grian: Yeah. Yeah.
[CUT.]
Mumbo: You know, if they really loved you, they would... They would get you off of yellow. Do you feel that?
Pearl: I mean, we-- we kind of said that we would only do that unless I was red, you know.
Mumbo: Right.
Pearl: Which I'm okay with.
Mumbo: Yeah. But then, you know, if they really loved you, then they'd probably get you off of yellow.
[CUT.]
Bdubs: He loves me.
Grian: If he loved you, why didn't he give you a life, huh?
Tango: Aha. Go say hello to him, see what happens, yeah.
Bdubs: He--he cares!
[CUT.]
Mumbo: How much allegiance are you feeling to your team?
[CUT.]
Grian: You're the only one left in BEST in my-- by what I see.
#mumbo jumbo#pearlescentmoon#grian#tangotek#bdubs#wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#last life#last life smp#trafficblr#catrina clips
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Etho cannot deny that in some way, the ocean is messing with his friends, and that he noticed far too late.
It targets Gem first, long before it goes after anyone else, so subtly it’s almost undetectable. Here’s the way he notices: her little boat is cute, but the mangrove wood on the trim seems old and rotten in some places, murky river water staining the paint that coats the sides. The lighthouse, when built, seems washed out, as if the color has been sucked from the stone that forms it. Etho finds this strange, but refuses to jump to conclusions- Gem is still his little sibling with the same warm smile, so he lets it be for now.
It’s really when the fishing craze begins where Etho starts having doubts about the normalcy of things. Grian is in no way an average person most of the time, but this level of dedication is new and sort of suspicious. It starts with the mending book, which is fine, since he’s decided to avoid villager trading this season. Etho comes over sometimes and jokes about the luck of the sea. Here is where it gets weird, though: when he comes over to make that joke again, Grian turns his head, oh so slowly, expression serious and eyes blank as he replies.
“The ocean will provide the book. It’s the next one, I know it.”
It takes a little more effort than it should for Etho to not turn tail and run. The tambre of his friend’s voice is off-kilter and strange, almost hollow in the way it echoes. And it’s the way he doesn’t say mending, he just says the book- Etho can’t help but feel like he isn’t fishing for enchantments anymore. The air smells of rot and slime. He swallows bile, gives a little uh-huh as a reply, and leaves as soon as he can.
Then there’s Pearl and Beef, obsessed with salmon, of all things. Pearl’s thing seems like a one-off, but Doc tells him that Beef has taken the joke about “big salmon” a little too far, claiming he’s gotten emails from them that have threatened the goat directly. Etho doesn’t really know what to make of that, or Pearl’s salmon head, or the continuous slapping of fish on noteblocks that’s driving him insane.
But he knows this: he’s never really liked fishing before, not for its intended use, anyway. It’s good to have in a death game, but not once has Etho found the monotonous motions of fishing appealing. Grian said it best himself: he used to think fishing was lame. And he did. Does. He thinks it’s lame. He thinks all of this stuff about the river and the boats and the ocean and the salmon and the rot is all really weird and not at all cool. He’s only here to make sure his friends are okay. Not to fish, because he doesn’t want to, just to keep Magic Mountain in line.
But Grian says it again: Etho walked up here and was like ��this is lame’, now look at him! Etho, in turn, looks at his hands. When did he start fishing? Was the sun always that high in the sky? Did the ocean always sing like that? Was there always a magnetic force to the waves at the shore, pulling him closer with every lap of sea foam? Was the lighthouse always this beautiful?
No, no it wasn’t. He knows this. Something is very, very wrong. There’s something in the water that’s making his friends lose it, and there’s something supernatural that’s trying to pull him in. He needs to get out of here, back to the jungle, with its nice green grass and earthy smells-
To his right, Etho hears his death call. The bell rings, the swan sings, and the water keeps lapping at his feet. It’s too late, he knows it, in the way that his hands are gripping the fishing pole with white knuckles, in the way the lilypads seem to grow under his feet to get him closer to the great deep blue. The music continues, the serenade settling into his bones, giving him an eerie sense of calm.
In the magnetic pull of the moment, he doesn’t even realize he’s crying.
#woosh writes#hermitcraft#ethoslab#grian#geminitay#oceans calling au#<- that’s the tag I’m using for this- l will edit the other fics tag to have this later#anyways I’m So Fucking Normal about this
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Remember that time Xiao Jiu wanted to beat a kid with a brick?
The scene where Shen Jiu threatens Shi Wu is possibly my favorite scene in the whole novel because it tells us so much about qijiu's dynamic, both past and future, and namely, that they're both little freaks (affectionate) who show love in weird ways. I think it particularly exemplifies several of Yue Qingyuan's traits that often go overlooked!
I am just going in order. All excerpts are from the Seven Seas official translation, Volume 4, Chapter 24: Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu.
Shen Jiu fights for resources
“Shen Jiu, don’t think you can just throw your weight around. You don’t own this street. What gives you the right to tell us we can’t stay?!” This main street was wide and even, and many people came and went upon it. If one wanted to beg, it was the best and prime location. Some of the passersby watched this group of children fight, but even more hurried on their way. And this new brat had the gall to challenge him. Shen Jiu looked down and around, preparing to find a brick with which to teach him a lesson, when a tall youth happened to walk over. He saw Shen Jiu rolling up his sleeves, head lowered, and hastily went to stop him. “Xiao-Jiu, let’s go somewhere else.” [...] With Yue Qi standing in front of him, Shiwu grew bold. He leaned forward and yelled, “Every time we go to a new place,you always hog the best spot!
From this we know that Shen Jiu, without fail, tries to claim or fight for the best begging spots in every city. This isn't fully textually supported, but add to that the later section that mentions how Shen Jiu was far better at begging than Yue Qi and I think that, on some level, SJ feels responsible for both his and Yue Qi's wellbeing. Chasing off the other children is not just a selfish act, but also a protective one.
According to the orders given to them, Yue Qi should have wailed and wept, but no matter what, he never could manage to cry. Therefore, this task had instead fallen to Shen Jiu, even though he was faking an illness that supposedly left him too feeble to weep. But he was small and his face wasn’t too unsightly to look at, so whenever he sobbed and bawled, the passersby found him pitiful and generously opened their wallets. It would have been no exaggeration to call him a money tree.
Xiao Jiu fancies himself the breadwinner lol.
How Yue Qi reacts to accusations against Shen Jiu
That first youth took the opportunity to tattle. “Qi-ge, he’s bullying me.” “That wasn’t bullying, Shiwu,” said Yue Qi. “Xiao-Jiu was just joking around.” “Who’s joking?” said Shen Jiu. “I’m telling him to get lost. This is my territory. I’ll kill anyone who tries to steal it.”
I've anyways found this passage so telling of their eventual adult relationship! First of all, Yue Qi implicitly takes Shen Jiu's side, and immediately defends him. This seems to be taken for granted by all characters, so we can assume this is their standard dyanmic. Yue Qi, notably, does not deny that Shen Jiu was threatening Shiwu. In this situation where SJ is actively gearing up for a fight, it would be a very poor defense, and that's probably true of most messes Xiao Jiu got himself into!
Most of Yue Qi's actions in the scene are attempts to de-escalate. This is just my theory, but I think in Yue Qi's mind, who's at fault is much less important than making sure no one gets in trouble with a higher authority. Even if he knows SJ could win the fight, it would only gain SJ more animosity, and possibly the attention of someone who would be a real danger.
I think it's evident how Yue Qi's ethos of keeping their heads down and not causing trouble or drawing too much attention would feed into how he handled Shen Qingqiu's less commendable behavior as an adult and complaints against Shen Qingqiu.
In the brothel scene later in the extras, we can see that he's conscious of their image.
Yue Qingyuan yanked Shen Qingqiu off the bed. He was in a rare fit of anger. “Why are you like this?” “Why am I like what?” asked Shen Qingqiu. “Two of Cang Qiong Mountain’s head disciples getting into a huge brawl inside a brothel—does that sound good to you?”
Imo, now entrenched in the politics of the cultivation world, YQY sees protecting SQQ's image/reputation as an important part of protecting SQQ. Yue Qi spent his childhood managing Xiao Jiu, and as an adult, he's not able to so easily break the habit, not matter how SQQ scorns him
Shen Jiu does not get upset by attacks on his character, only from Shiwu calling Yue Qi "Qi-ge"
With Yue Qi standing in front of him, Shiwu grew bold. He leaned forward and yelled, “Every time we go to a new place,you always hog the best spot! Everyone’s been sick of you for ages! You think you’re all that? That everyone’s afraid of you?” “Shiwu,” Yue Qi scolded. Amidst the struggle, Shen Jiu kicked Yue Qi in the shin. “If you want a fight, I’ll give you one. Only losers would blame their spot for their incompetence. You bastard—who’s your Qi-ge? I dare you to say that again!”
Now granted these aren't the most cutting insults, but it's SO interesting to me that Shen Jiu doesn't react to the insults directly. To me, this is a little bit of evidence that, even at this age, Shen Jiu had already decided he was a bad guy, and stopped caring about what others thought of him. The glaring exception to that was, ofc, Yue Qi. I think part of the reason that SJ reactions to the "Qi-ge" specifically, is that Shiwu just said that no one likes Shen Jiu, and then tried to align himself with Yue Qi. I think to SJ, he sees a real threat in the idea of someone else stealing Yue Qi, the one person who likes SJ. SJ is so possessive of Yue Qi not just because he's Qi-ge, but also because, without him, Shen Jiu would have nothing and no one.
Yue Qi tries to deescalate by coaxing/appeasing Shen Jiu
“You’re the bastard! I bet you’ll get sold off soon and end up a pimp!” Yue Qi didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. “Where did you learn that kind of nonsense language?!” Then he dragged Shen Jiu off to the side of the road while coaxing him. “All right, you’re the most competent one here. Even if you didn’t pick and choose your spot, you’d be the best. So let’s change streets.” Shen Jiu stepped on his foot. “Get off me! Like I’m scared! Come on, fight me! Wanna gang up on me? Go ahead!” Of course Yue Qi knew he wasn’t scared. If he really let Shen Jiu brawl with the other kids, he would fight dirty. He’d gouge at their eyes and kick them in the belly or crotch or shin. He was terribly vicious, and the other party would be the one to end up suffering and bawling in terror. Yue Qi forced down a smile. “Are you done stepping on my foot yet? If you are, stop it. Qi-ge will take you somewhere fun.” “What shitty ‘fun’?” Shen Jiu asked savagely. “The most fun I’ll have is if they’re all dead.” Yue Qi looked at him helplessly and shook his head.
Yue Qi only barely scolds Shen Jiu, even when Shen Jiu in the wrong (tried to steal Shiwu's spot and then almost beat up Shiwu). Instead, his reaction is to distract, coax, bribe, and praise him until SJ looses interest in whatever trouble he was going to cause. Yue Qi is so biased, and he spoils him 😂. Even when Yue Qi has so little he can give, he managed to spoil Shen Jiu by giving him so much favor, attention, and affection.
I think this is something that comes naturally to Yue Qi to the point that he can't help himself from doing the same thing as an adult, even when SJ scorns him. It's just the correct response to seeing a Xiao Jiu! He's the "why do we have hands" meme fr
Yue Qi smiles imagining Shen Jiu beating up the other kids
Of course Yue Qi knew he wasn’t scared. If he really let Shen Jiu brawl with the other kids, he would fight dirty. He’d gouge at their eyes and kick them in the belly or crotch or shin. He was terribly vicious, and the other party would be the one to end up suffering and bawling in terror. Yue Qi forced down a smile. “Are you done stepping on my foot yet? If you are, stop it. Qi-ge will take you somewhere fun.”
I don't have much to say about this, I just want to remind everyone Yue Qi finds SJ's violent, feral tendencies adorable. This man has no desire to train his cat, and he will insist it's friendly even as it gnaws on his arm.
In Conclusion?
This single scene shows us the trajectory of qijiu's relationship going forward, the strengths of their relationships that became pitfalls. It allows to imagine what they could have become if not torn apart by a world set to doom them.
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looking through your docsuma tag.....love them. wish they had one more combined braincell so they could realize their feelings
HERE'S THE THING THOUGH OKAY the problem is actually that they're both too smart about their feelings. you've got me down a horrible rabbit hole okay let me do my best to explain without being a freak(reading this back over, i failed <3).
Xisuma takes longer to realize, first of all. He's got so much to deal with coming out of s8 and through the beginning of s9 that quite frankly he's really just grateful to have another friend he can count on and trust, and he's so consumed by getting the androids back in working order on top of his actual season 9 plans (on top of Cleo shoving self care down his throat and demanding that he make a better habit of taking breaks and taking care of himself, which takes a LONG time to adjust to, if it can be argued that he ever does) that he doesn't really realize he's developed feelings for Doc until his heart beats him over the head with it randomly one day. Probably sometime in S10. Even then, because of said busy-ness, I think Xisuma has a very hard time getting over the meta-ness of a creator developing feelings for his creation and the selfishness of that reality amidst all of his other responsibilities, and he is likely too scared/overwhelmed to entertain the thought of the feelings themselves, much less the likelihood of reciprocation or the fantasy of a relationship.
Doc, on the other hand, realizes he is developing feelings for Xisuma kind of steadily throughout the course of s9, since that's when they start spending so much more time together in the lab working on androids and improving android tech. As a general statement, Doc is very aware of himself, all of the time. His awareness of the self is very important to his sense of normalcy and control, so any time he experiences a new emotion, he notes it, logs it.
So, while he's very aware of the feelings he's developing as they happen, he doesn't quite put a name to it/realize what it actually is until he talks to Tango and Etho, funnily enough--It's definitely one of those moments where Tango or Etho or whomever are explaining their struggles with the physical manifestations of their... idk, lovesickness-- ie, thirium pump rate irregularities, temperature fluctuations, influxes of feelings they've described as a combination of longing, affection, want, happiness, yearning... and Doc, as the unbiased third party to put 2 and 2 together, explains to them that those are obvious signs of romantic attraction, only very belatedly realizing several hours later that those are the exact symptoms he hasn't quite been able to put a name to. Naturally he's exceptional about being quiet about this realization until he slips up during a maintenance check-in with Tango sometime after, who is not doing well in s9, and Tango (mid romance-ranting) catches the passing of a wistful expression on Doc's face and calls him out for "totally thinking about someone right now" (Teasing aside, tango promises to keep Doc's secret).
So, despite knowing well his feelings before X ever develops his own, Doc is actually very, very careful about them-- He knows more than anyone else how busy Xisuma is. He knows how stressed X is. He also knows Xisuma seems to be more knowledgeable when it comes to emotions and feelings, and despite the clear signs that Xisuma shows interest(?) in him as well, Doc can only assume there is a good reason nothing romantic has happened between them-- he trusts Xisuma more than anything, and he--firmly-- will not breach this trust by acting on something Xisuma does not seem to be ready for (or does not seem to want yet(yet?)). Therefore, Doc is patient, and even though as Season 10 develops and Doc becomes aware of the likelihood that Xisuma could return the feelings, he trusts Xisuma's emotional intuition more than anything. He, painfully, recognizes Xisuma's discomfort (or hesitation), concludes that there must be a missing variable in this equation he cannot grasp, and decides to let Xisuma lead because of it. He will not push farther than he feels Xisuma has.
It's definitely one of those "fell first" "fell harder" type situations I think. I'm normal about them. can you tell
#long post#dbhc#dbhc ask#dbhc doc#dbhc xisuma#docsuma#ask#anon#get me out of here#im not okay about them#bye#let me know if i should put that under a read more i coulodn't find a good spot for it so i decided not to but also its kinda long so#lays face down on the floor
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