#etc etc et-mother fucking-cetera

[bitchdafuqyousay]

i cannot stand you hoes

you fuckers will really just find any reason n excuse at all to hate on female characters, huh. like damned if she does damned if she doesn’t. they cannot win with you bitches smh

she’s upfront n emotional? ugh she’s so annoying she’s always in hysterics she needs to calm down. she’s levelheaded n even faced? god that woman is such a cold hearted bitch she doesn’t care about anyone she’s practically a villain! she’s got a temper? she’s always angry she’s so mean. she’s jovial all the time? she’s so annoying whys she always so happy it’s not realistic!! she’s super smart? she’s such a know it all she thinks she’s so clever n better than everyone else. she’s not a super genius? oh lord she’s sooo stupid what a ditz. she’s open n trusting? how can she be so naive n forwards she’s such an idiot! she’s reserved n keeps things to her chest? she’s so dishonest n a total snake i bet she’s secretly a villain!!

she’s super strong? she’s way too op it’s all just plot armor n makes no sense she needs to be knocked down a peg! she’s not as strong as the other (male) characters? god she’s useless she’s a total drag an absolute burden on the other characters!! she’s conventionally attractive n sexy? the over-sexualization is terrible she’s just pointless eye candy it’s annoying. she doesn’t meet conventional beauty standards? that bitch is so ugly haha look at the size of her forehead n her flat chest!

let’s not even get fucking started on the way y’all scream “villain” at any female character who isn’t a saintess of pure n unrestrained morality, but then throw a bitch fit about “mary sues” when another one is. female characters cannot do anything right in y’all’s eyes n you’ll take any chance to hop on them n drag em through the dirt by their necks. you hate a woman for the same qualities that make you love a man it’s pathetic.

[faaun]

pls i need to provide updates

[puphoods]

its maybe the othwr way around now that i think abt it maybe i cant think of people saying new things Because i cant remember what their voice sounds like. well just another reason to be bitter about the way my brain works

[gigglesx333]

i absolutely adore Welcome Home and even though this post might be niche I think it's worth it 🎉🎉

Wally is ABSOLUTELY an avatar of the eye. Look at that little fucker. He EATS with his EYES. He has SOME FORM of sentience or self awareness. He literally looks at you through the screen. Eye avatar that's also touched by the Spiral? Even though they counteract a bit I feel it makes sense.. False friendships, your mind is Lying to you, madness, et cetera,.

Frank is absolutely an avatar of the corruption. Look at this motherfucker and tell me he is not FASCINATED by bugs and mold and rot. He has fucking SHELVES of self written notebooks filled to the brim.

Poppy would probably be an avatar of the End or the Extinction- look at her. Stuck in her barn, afraid to even touch cooking materials. Paranoia driving her to the Lonely, maybe??

Julie. Julie is wholeheartedly, probably not an avatar. I cannot think of anything I'd classify her as. Same with Howdy, I don't think he'd be an avatar of anything except maybe Corruption? Because he's a bug.

Eddie. Eddie you are ABSOLUTELY a surviving victim of the Stranger. Never getting the name of the unknown place he came from right, not talking much about his mother despite clearly looking up to her or having an otherwise positive relationship due to his profession and disposition? TEEEXTBOOK I Left and Came Back Wrong.

Barnaby. I adore Barnaby.,,., I feel like he wouldn't be an avatar exactly but definitely affiliated with Something. Maybe the flesh? The animalistic dread that you are only electrified meat, manifesting as bones, meat, animals, slaughterhouses? Fear of body horror, dysmorphia, being eaten or killed for meat? There are things insinuating he was killed (a patch in Wally's chair with his pattern, etc) so maybe.,

Sally!! Sally is is very Likely an avatar of the Vast in my opinion. Look at her introduction; it speaks for itself. "Sally had once been the brightest star in the sky, even more than those that surrounded her. However, upon looking down at a nearby celestial body from her spot, she knew there were still places she had yet to truly shine and fell from above as a shooting star. She has seemingly accomplished her aspired stardom, as there are only nine visible neighbors in Home, all of whom know her." Though that may be too surface level? I'm writing this slightly inebriated. Oops.

House.. House is wholeheartedly an avatar of the Web or Slaughter.. maybe both? Lots of calculated violence and secrets hidden below it.. Not sure, thougg.

[lakesbian]

Everytime I think of Brian and Aisha, I wanna weep caused they're both just kids!! They are both literal children, but Brian's basically forcing himself to be an adult, and Aisha can't have a normal childhood because she doesn't know how to have a normal childhood and WAAAAAAAAAA

i share in your weeping but i think to be more precise about the Causes of "brian forcing himself to be an adult" and "aisha cannot have a normal childhood." brian is forcing himself to be an adult, but it's not in a void, it's because he's been taught by his father figures that 1. he has to be masculine (i.e. not 'weak,' not childish, not emotional, not vulnerable) or he's shameful and deserving of being hurt and 2. he Lives In A Society which has produced a Situation where if he does not adultify himself his younger sister will be trapped with abusive parents. there's also likely a secret* third angle worth exploring in here about how brian is a 6'8 black boy (in nazi city circa 2011 no less) who presumably has to be hyper-conscious of presenting himself as very quietly mature and genial and responsible to avoid being seen as predatory/inherently aggressive/etc but this is neither something i feel confident posting about nor something actually explicitly in the text

*its not i just like the phrase 'secret third thing' its funny

& aisha cannot have a normal childhood not because she Doesn't Know How To, but because she is Not Having a Normal Childhood--neglectful mother who constantly exposes her to abusive men, father who is v abusive to brian and presumably abusive to her as well, extensive trauma surrounding being sexualized as a young girl (race would, reasonably, contribute to her experiences here too but the book does not actually manage to examine this. it in fact sexualizes her on the basis of being black. while actively trying to write about how she has sexual trauma from beign sexualized. not worms finest hour), her city gets fucking exploded (AROUND HER BIRTHDAY AT THAT!!!), et cetera. SO many horrors for the laborn siblings. the dear sweet laborn siblings. why can't good things happen to them. please. good things for them extensively please. soon also

[knbposting]

im writing a vorpal swords era fic and i was going to keep it all aomine pov but then i changed my mind as a fun idea entered my mind and switched to kagz for this chapter. i just thought it would be cool to post the old aomine version of a paragraph starter:

versus the kagami rewrite:

and to talk about the differences in how i approach their pov?

here are my bulletpoint lists of things i like to pay special attention to in order to hopefully create distinctive internal voices (accessed via very close third person) for these two very similar stupid idiots

aomine:

analytical, much more aware of how other people are feeling and what they're likely to be thinking about

he is often wrong about others' feelings, but he isn't aware of it so it rarely comes up

especially obvious in APRIL SHOWERS., his perception of how kagami feels is pretty clear and understanding compared to kagami who genuinely doesnt understand what the fuck is going on (hence why he's so defensive)

he pays attention to the environment he's in and notices details about it (when he breathes out a cloud of mist in cold weather, the glow of street lights in the dark, the warm lighting of shops while he's outside in the rain, etc)

i think it comes as something of a surprise, but i write aomine to catastrophise considerably less. he jumps to conclusions, but he doesn't immediately assume the worst

he bitches about people SO MUCH in his head (constantly calling kagami a stupid idiot (affectionate), bitches about how satsuki thinks she's his secondary mother, complains about the weather as well, just bitches generally)

his vocabulary choices (still in close third person) are simple, but slightly more varied

he notices boobies

generally much more aware of how physically attractive he finds kagami

very prone to dismissive internal language after someone has said something he doesn't agree with

example: [kagami is apologising for having slipped and hurt aomine, and is speaking here:] "Like I did that on purpose!" Who said you did, stupid?! "Is your arm okay?"

example 2: "What?!" Kagami's surprise, as usual, descends quickly into anger. Daiki stands there waiting for it to happen. "What the Hell?!"

aomine's pov utilises all of his nicknames for people in his life, like tetsu, satsuki, mom, dad, et cetera. as in: satsuki said, tetsu said, etc.

aomine likes to stand back and assess things before leaping in

he's very confident in his fighting ability and this confidence does seep into his pov, because he rarely approaches situations without knowing that he can always dig himself out 

kagami:

kagami's vocabulary is extremely casual and often uses contractions

kagami's pov cusses a LOT more

very reactive. while aomine pov does have some use of "Ahh, this guy!" it's kagami pov where they're much more heavily used

he also has so many uses of WHAT?! in his internal monologue/pov. he consciously forces himself to slow down and think things through, but that's usually after he's just said something really loudly

kagami catastrophises ALL THE TIME

the fact that kagami refuses to address his abandonment issues and the pain that his personal life has inflicted upon him, means that all of that is quite close to the surface. it's linked with catastrophising, but as soon as something happens, he does tend to assume the worst

the only times that he pays any attention to his environment is when it's related to basketball, or his little romance with aomine. he feels that his senses are sharper in those moments

kagami thinks of himself more distinctively as TAIGA rather than kagami, because, please :) Mr Kagami is my father's name :) i'm kidding but when i started writing aomine pov, i was still using aomine's surname as the character name. i changed that fairly late in if i remember correctly

his pov is much more focused on feeling, usually centered around how HE is feeling because he can't read minds!!!

he is NOT a good judge of how other people are feeling, but he tries anyway

kagami has a really tough time reading aomine and how he feels, as is most evident in kagami's pov of APRIL SHOWERS. where he has no idea what daiki could POSSIBLY be thinking! also in THE LONG WAY HOME., kagami cannot see how much aomine genuinely cares for him in this. tragic

kagami doesn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about physical attraction, but it is mentioned occasionally

his respect for people is more evident in his pov versus aomine's respect for others in his, because kagami is constantly conscious of translation issues and not coming across formally enough

there are way more ellipses used in kagami pov because boy does this bitch ponder and then lose the plot, get distracted, and move onto something else

he's very easily distracted in general actually

[magnoliamyrrh]

i actually think that its criminal that in this economy for the vast majority of families both partners or at least two family members have to work full time just to make due. like no actually i dont think this is normal. economic independence is very important for women, but also, someone, either the man of the woman, i feel should be able to at least have a part time job and stay with children or elderly family members etc. housekeeping is fucking work, even though people seem to forget that - even tradgirlies who fantasize abt being housewifes seem to forget this, than being a mother or a caretaker to extended family or even your partner and house is actually a whoole lot. to keep house is a lot of work, daily work, to cook, to clean, to do grocery shopping, to wash clothes, to organize, to keep calm and kind even when youre exhausted and stressed. some of these things are easier today if you have the money for washing machines and such but still, its a lot of constant work. this capitalist system and this runaway capitalism (and romanias hellish communist system in which everything was exported and the whole country was in prepetual poverty too was no better and less failed) does not allow the necessary human time for it all to be done without crippling yourself, as many women in my family have done.

romania is a lotttt better than other places in that maternity leave is 2 years and its payed, but still. no children arent your whole life but i feel like if youre going to have children until they get to at least middle school you should be able to give them the proper time, this should be some sort of human right. children need assistance and care and teaching and et cetera cetera. this isnt to shame families with nannies or people who send their kids to daycare - its a necessity. im saying, it shouldn't be. you should be able to spend more time with your kid than past like 7 or 9 or whatever every day. you should be able to take care of family. and your house. these are like basic human things and life cycles which capitalism just. fucks up

[vicekings]

👖✋👤 for darling JD, if you please!

👖 What type of clothing does your OC generally wear? Why? Do they have any “signature” accessories?

JD values comfort and a good range of movement above all else when it comes to his outfit choices, so he tends to lean towards soft cotton t-shirts, well worn jeans, and cozy flannel shirts when it comes to his everyday look. Pair those off with a solid pair of sturdy cowboy boots and he’s good as gold.

Sometimes he’s gotta dress formal for fancy events, in which case he’ll put on a white dress shirt, black suspenders, and black slacks. He avoids suit jackets as he finds them too stiff to properly fight in. He goes for a bowtie over a normal tie because the bowtie is harder to grab. As for shoes, the only way you’re gonna get him outta his cowboy boots is by pulling them off his cold dead body. He’s got a black pair for formal occasions.

Basically, so long as his outfit isn’t restrictive and doesn’t prevent him from protecting the boys, he’ll be fine.

As for accessories, he wears a wristwatch, a braided leather bracelet, and a stud in each ear. He’s also usually got a bunch of hair elastics on his wrists so the boys can put their hair up at a moment’s notice. Dethklok leaves the elastics with him because otherwise they’ll end up launching them at each other when they get bored.

✋ Are your OC’s hands smooth, rough, or average? Why? How do they keep their nails? Do they bite them, paint them, neatly trim them, et cetera?

JD’s hands are strong and calloused from years of working on the family farm. They’re a bit rough to the touch, but JD tries to be real gentle with ‘em. The hands that fire his gun, hold a shovel, and dig out the garden’s weeds are also the hands that deliver calves, calmly pet horses, and carefully hold little kittens while they’re being bottle-fed.

Everything about JD’s big (😏), so naturally his hands are fucking huge. Him and Nathan have about the same sized hands, though Nathan’s are a lot smoother.

Nathan’s made himself JD’s personal nail tech, so most of the time JD’s sporting black nail polish that Nathan painstakingly applied. JD keeps his nails fairly short just so they don’t get in his way

👤 What is your OC’s skin like? Is it unblemished, or are they prone to breakouts? Do they have any scars, tattoos, or other skin markings? Does their skin tend to be sensitive to things that get on it (lotions, cleaning products, etc.)?

JD was prone to acne as a teenager, but he doesn’t have that many breakouts as an adult. Sometimes he’ll get blackheads on his back, which either Toki or Pickles will squeeze out for him. He doesn’t usually notice the blackheads so it’s mostly just the boys picking at him for their own entertainment.

Scar wise, JD’s sporting a bullet wound on his left shoulder, a long scar down his right side, and a tiny little scar on the bridge of his nose that’s you wouldn’t see unless you were right up in his face for some reason.

In the tattoo department, JD’s got a black stag gear on the back of his neck, twin bluebirds just under his collarbones (representative of Dory and Dolly), and a half-sleeve on his right forearm of a forest/mountain scene, with a deer silhouette in the scene that respresents his mother. JD eventually also gets a falcon tattooed on one ankle and a horse on the other (representing Toki and Skwisgaar respectively.)

I can also deffo see him getting a little flower tattoo on his hip to match with St Cecilia. Eventually he’ll get little tats that represent all his friends ‘cause he likes them a lot

[the-trans-diaries]

12.10.2020.

So yesterday I finally told my parents that I'll be taking my hijab off.

I wasn't planning on doing it just yet, but yesterday morning I was doing some thinking and I realized that I always put things off because I "don't feel ready" for them. Examples of this include not calling my dentist to book an appointment because I "wasn't prepared" to deal with the rude nurse who answers the phone, staying at a toxic workplace for 4 whole months longer than I wanted to because I "didn't feel ready" to tell my boss I wanted to quit, not telling my then best friend that I liked her romantically for a whole goddamn year because I "didn't think the moment was right". I have no idea where those thoughts came from since it was 8 in the goddamn morning and I was just sipping my coffee and watching dumb shit on youtube.

So after I (randomly) realized I tend to deny myself happiness and sometimes even my own health, I haphazardly decided to tell them I was taking the scarf off sooner than I planned. I initially wanted to wait until December, but I'm so happy I made the decision earlier.

So now we get to the bad part of the story. My mom and her constant guilt tripping, denial and downright childish behavior.

When I broke the news to her, she started rambling on about how she knew this wad going to happen, how I always make rash decisions, how I never listen to anyone's advice, how no one ever took the hijab off after putting it on et cetera et cetera. I made a point to try and not let that get to me, and to an extent I succeeded but I guess hearing about 10 000 implied insults per second gets to everyone and my lovely gut started cramping up almost like a menstrual cramp. Which was fun.

Then she starts throwing her hands around, first insulting me passively aggressively and then following it up "but it's your decision, you can do whatever you want". Classic.

"You don't respect my age. My heart can't handle this much stress." That really isn't my fault. How am I responsible for how you handle your own emotions, exactly? The answer is: I'm not. Just because you find it hard to adapt to changes doesn't mean you get to pin the blame on me.

"You're selfish and only ever make decisions without thinking about others" yada yada yada "but it's your decision". Yes. It is. But you don't have to try to play at my feelings and pity to get me to change my mind.

It hurt listening to that bullshit. Calling me selfish because I did one thing to help my dysphoria and completely ignoring everything that I've tried to spare her from in the past. All those times I woke up early and had to use the bathroom but didn't because I knew her insomnia was worsening and didn't want to wake her. All those times I made lunch and scrubbed the entire apartment down before she came back from work because I wanted her to have some time to herself. All those times I bit my tongue at being called out for the choices I made or the things I did that she disaproved of. All those times I didn't tell her how some of her actions and excuses hurt me just because I didn't want her to be upset. All those times i visited her on weekends because she said she misses me, despite the fact that I always leave that house with so much anxiety that I can't fall asleep that night.

All that, and for what? To be called selfish because I dared make a decision that she doesn't agree with? Fuck you, honestly.

I'm so done accomodating her and her inability to sort through her own personal feelings. Yes, she's my mother, yes I love her, but at the end of the day, it's not on me to make other people feel a certain way. How someone reacts to their emotions is on them, not on me.

My dad is a different story. He agreed with me taking it off, and at first I thought it was because je genuinely wants to support me but then he ruined it by telling me that now I need to "pay attention to what I present as" aka shave my legs, buy dresses, skirts and other feminine shit, follow fashiom trends etc BECAUSE it's about time I find a partner.

So there we go. He told me he wanted my hijab off anyway because I'm 22 (he thought I was 20, this dude doesn't even know my age) and single. He also told.me that he was willing to lock me up in a spa and have me get...whatever it is people in spas do, idk, never been to one but let's just say THAT did not help my dysphoria AT ALL.

I always thought my dad was a lot more laid back than my mom, but apparently I was wrong. He's hardly better. I now know that if I start dressing the way I want to aka wear my binder, hoodies and button ups and cut my hair short, that I would just get scrutinized, lectured, and possibly even threatened for not performing femininity. How nice. Great parenting.

My dad didn't throw a hissy fit and I was able to talk to him properly, so that's at least something. With mom it was a shitshow and by the time I was back home I nearly threw up from the stress they both caused me.

I don't kid myself into thinking that my life will be easier now. This was a huge step for me and I'm happy I made it, but now I'll have to find ways to compromise with what I wear in front of them. I can't dress in anything from the men's section, I'll probably have to wear makeup and do something with my hair, and all that sucks real fucking bad. I'm not sure how I'll cope mentally but I'll have to figure something out.

My next step is going to see a therapist. I need a formal diagnosis and I need to see if I can get one from a therapist that a friend recommended to me. I'm not sure how to start the conversation of me being trans with her but I hope I'll manage somehow. It's difficult when you don't have a support system.

And then after that.... after that will come the scariest and most dangerous part, which would be me coming out to my parents. I have no idea how I'm going to approach that, how I'll avoid getting beat up and shoved back into the closet, but I'll think of something. Maybe my therapist will be able to help too.

It's painful to me to respond to my parents' "i love you"s when I know that they don't truly love me. They love their daughter. Not perfectly, but they love her. Their son though? The real me? No. There is no chance, no alternate universe in which my parents accept me for being trans. And that fucking hurts. It hurts to tell them I love them and to read their "i love you too"s when I know that isn't true. They don't love me. They love who they think I am.

This was a long entry. I really needed to get a lot off my chest.

[szivtalan]

8, 9, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 34, 35, 36, 40, 41, 42, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 50, 53, 55, 57, 58, 59, 62, 64, 65, 70 (aside from Kagami 😂), 71, 72, 79, 82, 86, 87, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99 for the "Asks, why not" thing please? (Omg that's soo much, I'm sorry I got carried away ^^')

8) Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

Average height, bordering on short. Broad shoulders, thick arms and thighs, square face, slightly projecting ears (one pierced, one with a stretched lobe), bushy arched brows, thick square glasses, faded dark red hair, dark brown eyes, butt chin. I look pale and perpetually sleep deprived.

9) What do you/did you study?

I was in a teacher’s training program for English and Hungarian language and literature, and I’m planning to go back to school to study sociology!

16) What do you look for in a SO?

Consciously: understanding, fun, sweet, kind and accepting. Unconsciously: somewhat broken and in dire need of emotional help which I’m desperate to provide lmao.

19) Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

Eh, u know, it depends? I don’t think I’m fit for a serious relationship right now, so I’d prefer casual stuff atm, but on the long run I do want a partner to share my life with.

20) What are your deal breakers?

Really obnoxious people, ignorance and bigotry I guess. And I’m not keen on someone pushing or disrespecting my boundaries, either.

21) How was your day?

It was good!! My bro, his girlfriend and my friend tagged along to get our (me and my soon-to-be sis-in-law’s) ears pierced, and then my friend and I got a loot of food. I didn’t exactly feel good enough abt myself to be comfortable outside, but I got a lot of random kindness and that was Nice.

22) Favourite food & drink

Food: teriyaki chicken and seafood pasta, drink: ginger ale and iced coffee

23) What position do you sleep in?

I sleep half-curled up on my side, but I need to toss and turn a little until I find The Best Position.

25) Your fears

The dark, needles, rabbits (I don’t even know, dude), the fact that I’ll die without having made an impact on the world, being spoken about behind my back, being a bad influence on my friends.

28) Any pets?

Not right now! I used to have two rottweilers around the house growing up, but they both passed away sadly.

29) What are your hobbies?

Writing, sketching, basketball, getting on people’s nerves, researching typology, watchin movies idk?

31) What was your last awkward situation?

Asjhdh the ticket control guy told me to “Have a safe trip” and I said “You too!”. This rarely happens to me tho

32) What is your last regret?

Not holding my friend’s hand on public transport. It was…right…there….and she already told me she’s more than comfortable with physical touch! I’m a fool! Everyone thinks I hate touching but I don’t! I’m just shy!

34) Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

Ehh. Kind of? As for believing, I believe more in ghosts, but I do see some patterns in different signs. I just try not to let it affect the way I see/interact with a person, because no one deserves to be prejudiced for whatever reason, especially not their date of birth. Tarot is just fun, and the cards r cool

35) Have any quirks?

I bite the skin on my fingers, scratch my acne, make my knees jump… most of it is just regular anxiety stuff tho so idk?? I do think I’m quirky, but there’s just too much weird stuff to list ‘em.

36) Your pet peeves

Cig/booze stink on a person, customers being rude, bigotry, interrupting other people… There’s quite some things that annoy me asjdgd

40) Last 5 things from your search history

Boku No Hero Academia, Hawks, duck emoji, Grumman fma, How To Train Your Dragon

41) What’s your device backgrounds?

My phone lockscreen rn is a beautiful KagaKuro fanart of them standing in the rain in yukatas, Kagami looming over Kuroko and shielding him from the rain and Kuroko reaching up to stroke his face; my phone background is an art of they/them pronouns tattooed on someone’s knuckles, their posture unsure; my laptop background is a screenshot from the movie Déva, of blue skies and a street lamp.

42) What do you daydream about?

…cu..cuddling,,my…crush……..

44) What's your religion/Your thought about religion

Short version: barf

Long version: I was raised catholic (even tho I was never baptized), and attended catholic school for 8 years which gave me a really warped idea of Christianity, Which made me a cynic & an agnostic or atheist by proxy. I harshly criticize the catholic church and faith but sometimes… when I do feel hopeless I get down on my knees and pray, so I guess if I let myself find my own faith I’d be a believer. But right now, I’m good just existing in my nihilistic bubble

45) Your personality type

Needy imeanwhat. In a typological sense, I’m an INFP in Myers-Briggs, 4 core 5 wing in Enneagram, melancholic or sanguine in the temperaments, et cetera. Basically I’m a sad daydreamer with unresolved issues and a need to do Art

47) Are you happy with your current life?

Nah bro. I like my friends and my workplace but I’d like to move out of home ASAP. I’d also… like to get therapy before I go and put myself out there.

48) Some things you've tried in your life

Playing the guitar, hostess work, weed, cigarettes, being blackout drunk, smoking from a hookah, cooking, football, handball, basketball, volleyball, cycling, sailing, driving, hitchhiking long distances, folk dancing, one-night stands, long-distance relationships, helping people in need…

50) Favourite colour to wear?

Olive green, midnight/navy blue, white, grey and black.

53) If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

I’d… like to know how it would feel if I had a flat chest and a penis? I also want bigger Guns, and Abs, some more tattoos and maybe an eyebrow piercing.

55) Do you get complimented often?

I think so? I usually brush off compliments uhhh but yeah maybe! Maybe idk

58) Songs you're currently obsessed with?

My friend’s playlist reminded me that ‘Phenomenon’ by Thousand Foot Krutch exists. I’m also really into ‘San Francisco’ by The Mowgli’s atm and ‘Golden Time Lover’ by Sukima Switch!

59) Song you normally wouldn't admit you like.

I mean, it’s not like it’s cringe or anything, I hate cringe culture BUT. I do have Ariana Grande’s ‘Side to Side’ stuck in my head rn

64) Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can sing pretty badly, play a bad tune on my guitar, drum on the edge of my table, so- Nah not really asdh

65) Do you like karaoke?

YES VERY MUCH I live and die for karaoke, last time I did it in front of an audience we sung the Shaman King opening at an anime con with friends, it was Rad

70) Your fictional crush/es

AH NO FUN Kagami’s my number one,,, let’s see then: Aomine, Roy Mustang, Kise, Mikoto Suoh, Hotch & Reid from Criminal Minds, Yagami Light, Jaime Lannister and Brienne from GoT, Rustin Cohle from True Detective, Shizuo Heiwajima from Durarara!!!, why is this list full of men I didn’t think I liked men this much

71) Which fictional character is you?

Eddie Brock from Venom I mean? He’s a whole ass mess.

79) How much time do you spend on the internet?

Yike. More than I’d be proud of.

86) Would you use death note, if you had one?

No way dude. I don’t fuck with that shit, karma would fuck me right back.

87) What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

I’d eliminate money and power and just make it a huge peaceful hippie community or something idk

90) What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Donate me to a medical school I don’t care. Make use of me! I’m gonna be dead, I won’t have any more feelings left to be hurt or anything asdghdsg

91) If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

I’ve had a name in mind that I tried out once, but it didn’t really work out for me after all. I’m fine with Vee and Vic rn. Anything that isn’t my given name. I do want to change my surname to my mother’s, but if I do that I also want to give myself a different first name, and since That isn’t figured out yet, I’m just?? Call me whatever dude

94) Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

Ugh, I’m bad at these. 1) I have plenty of moles. 2) My eyesight is pretty good. 3) I’ve broken some bones before.

95) Cold or hot?

Cold in beverage, hot in weather.

96) Be a hero or be a villain?

Being a villain is way too much fun, but I have too strong of a conscience to pull that off, so… hero, I guess.

97) Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Asjhdf singing is funnier and more annoying, since I Cannot Sing

98) Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Dude I’m non-binary. Shapeshifting for Sure

99) Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Aight I’ll give in – I agree to immortality Just This Once.

[unsureofreligionname]

This was meant to be me venting, but accidentally became a history of my relationship with religion instead.

Alright. So.

Came here to talk about religion because I have no outlet. If you don't want to hear it, just block me. I'm not trying to convert anyone, I'm just explaining things to see if anyone has a feckin name for my damn belief system, because I really want to avoid accidentally starting a religion or something and pissing everyone off more.

People who got pissy last time got on my ass about how I probably wasn't even ethnically jewish, so here's the whole story.

I was raised by a mother who was raised by a non-practicing jewish mother, both of whom converted to christianity in the late nineties, shortly before I was born. They're ethnically jewish, or so I'm told.

Not super related, but, in case it comes up later, I was raised with the belief that my mother's family is a long line of very careful psychics, which roughly means "a lot of the family is sensitive to spirit shit but avoids it like the plague because it's scary."

I was raised by a father who is, as far as I know, not ethnically jewish. He's of mixed asian heritage, so i guess maybe, but I'm going to assume he's not. His parents, however, were both religiously Jewish; my grandmother was adopted and raised Jewish, and my grandfather converted sometime between meeting and marrying my grandmother. They are reform. My father wasn't the most religious guy in the world, but, if you asked, he'd probably either make a joke about ohio state football or say that he was jewish.

I was raised by my father and mother together until I was seven. We didn't always consistently go to church in early childhood, but my mother did take me to two or three for months or years at a time during the 2-5 period. We celebrated christmas and easter, and i had an illustrated children's bible that, if I remember right, was split into two parts: the first was marketed to christian and jewish kids, and the latter- new testament- to christian kids. Guessing the marketing from the publishing organizations. I think I had a few other religious books and videotapes directed towards kids, both jewish and christian. I specifically remember one that illustrated mana as vanilla wafers for some reason. At seven, my parents divorced, and I primarily lived with my dad.

My dad didn't take me anywhere on the regular, but when I visited his parents for the full weekend, they'd take me to the synagogue. This was every couple of weeks. We celebrated major jewish holidays, but smaller festivals only really got a mention. When I was ten, my dad and stepmother married. She wasn't really religious, but her parents were christian, so christmas was back on our roster then, too.

I started going to hebrew school in 6th grade, but I didn't actually have a bar mitzvah because I ended up getting kicked out at around the time I turned 13 due to a whole thing about me going trick or treating when I was "too old" or whatever, shitty parents, so I ended up having to go live with my mom after that.

At this point, my mom was studying to become a youth pastor, and enrolled me into a local christian school with about a hundred students. Unfortunately, this ended up being a weird fundamentalist cult with its own textbooks and teachings, including that bacteria was not real, AIDS was a summoned by The Gays™ to kill all the christians, evolution was a conspiracy meant to dissuade people from religion, et cetera. It was fucking bizarre, at one point they called several of us posessed for being autistic and otherwise neurodivergent, and they categorized us students into the groups wise, fools, simple, and scorners. (I was a fool, by the way.) It was really not ideal, and the weird punishments were pretty traumatic. There was some weird brainwashy type word repetition involved with lookatthepersonsayokayanddothetask over and over and over, and it sucked.

So, I was at that school for about 18 months before they kicked me out for refusing to stand on one foot for an extended period of time after tapping my foot in class which caused a student who disliked me to complain.

At the same time, my mother was working at a small church out of town that wasn't exactly a cult, but I think the pastor kind of wanted it to be? It was like he wanted the cult aesthetic™ and devoted followers and shit, but only had the skill to make a really sketchy and toxic small town church with a lot of people sitting on blankets on the floor instead. That church honestly wasn't a big part of my life the way the fucked cult was, I just sort of went most weeks. I went to a confirmation class there- I'm pretty sure it was a methodist church- and got confirmed into it shortly before my mother left because the administration was weird in like an asshole way, and that was the last I knew of it.

I was homeschooled for a while during the end of this period due to all of the school stuff. Religiously, by this point in my life, I'd developed some of my own beliefs. I believed in most of the new testament and most of the torah, but I didn't have much exposure to the talmud or much of a comprehensive education in any religion. I think I read a bible cover to cover at least once as a kid, including some shitty commentary (it was a preteen bible) that gave me some internalized homophobia issues for actual years. I was also super curious about the paranormal but terrified of possession- remember the cult?- and I was curious about the idea of some people being reincarnated if they were needed on earth again. Not sure where exactly that idea came from, but it was there. People told me from a lot of sides that those with the wrong religion would go to hell, and the cult tried to teach us all to convert people at any opportunity, but, after leaving, the whole situation just made me massively uncomfortable. I did continue to practice the jewish traditions I knew how to do on my own- like hannukah and a weird private sort of passover- and my mother would support this by getting me what I needed for it, even though she didn't participate and I didn't go to any place of worship during holidays.

After getting kicked out of school not that long after adjusting to not seeing my dad or siblings on his side, we moved. My dad lost custody at some point and we no longer had to live close, so we moved and tried to find a better school. It was a Catholic grade school this time, and I was there for about six months, if I had to guess. It was actually a pretty good school, but I had some issues at the time, so I didn't enjoy it much. I was scared of teachers and administration by then, and I had trouble going the entire school day without panicking or not being able to work. There was a period of a week or two in which I didn't speak at school at all. We ended up settling on half days, and, after that, I did well.

The religion class was awkward. The other kids seemed to know more than me even though I'd thought I had a good grasp on religion at that point, and the little information we shared I'd been taught from a very different perspective. Everyone was very nice to me, but I definitely stood out as the kid who wasn't catholic at that point.

Chapel was even weirder. We had to go every wednesday during school, and catholic churches had so many traditions I didn't know about, and the stuff I knew about from either my jewish grandparents or protestant churches had a different name for some reason.

I'm looking at you, sacraments.

Anyway.

I don't think I got much out of the chapel, but religion classes were kind of cool. I liked learning about stuff I hadn't heard before, and the things that were the same were a comfort.

Soon, though, I was graduating eighth grade. I ended up going to a catholic high school. I was still out of place, but I at least had a basic idea of what to do during the mass this school had monthly.

I liked the religion classes here more, how they were an open discussion of everyone's opinions and experiences, and I liked that both of the most recent schools I'd gone to had actual textbooks with facts and studies in them. There were more kids there who weren't catholic, and I felt more comfortable to actually explore religious topics with people. I had a better understanding of catholic beliefs, a decent idea of their traditions, and could recognize at least a few of their holidays I couldn't have before.

I spent my last year of high school at a public career center to start working towards a medical career.

Now, my current beliefs. If you don't want to read it, then just don't.

I haven't been to any place of worship since my school required it, but I do have strong beliefs. I believe in one God (which I generally write all the way out after a billion essays for religion class) who created everything and watches over humans, which he made in his image, etc etc etc. I believe the old stories from the tanakh/old testament/don't care what you call it and the new- yes, including the key messiah bit- though I do think it wasn't all translated perfectly and that it was written by humans who made mistakes and poor decisions sometimes in their writing. I believe people's salvation comes through their intention, not through a piece of knowledge or a creed or good deeds or a tradition, and I believe different people worshipping in different ways is how it should be, because different people NEED different styles of worship. I believe that if someone is genuinely mistaken and incorrect in who or what they believe in, it doesn't MATTER because it's the intention to strive to do good and not harm fellow people that counts. I'm a little guarded about sharing my own beliefs, hence why I made an anonymous tumblr account, but I'm generally very curious to hear about what other people believe. I find that, for me, celebrating Jewish holidays and traditions helps me get closer to God, and I'd like to find a place of worship one day, but churches fucking terrify me now. I worship best by sitting and discussing beliefs, but I have no place to do it now that I've graduated school. I also developed some of my less related beliefs now: I believe in a lot of old stories that have popped up around the world, like fairies of various places, different creatures and entities and things that have become the subject of curiosity or worship, spirits and things, etc. I think many of these creatures exist, just that they may be different from us in the nature of how they interact with the world and matter and that, and I don't think they're deities or anything. I believe in ghosts of humans in some cases, too, though I believe sometimes other things mimic them. I don't find the idea of God having someone reincarnated if he wants the same soul to play many parts in the world unlikely at all, though that's really just me speculating. I still believe in demons, and I still don't want anything to do with them.

A lot of my understanding of things comes from Jewish, Catholic, and Protestant teaching in a strange mishmosh of culture and religion.

I relate to a lot of things directed at Jewish people, and I understand what's directed at Catholic people. Things directed at Protestant people are both understood and, unfortunately, make me instinctively wary due to weird cult trauma (that in no way reflects on actual protestant people, i love you guys some people just suck and twist religion) so are hard to interact with.

In a lot of ways, I'd consider myself Jewish. Culturally, at least, if my religious beliefs aren't "validly jewish" or whatever.

I have literally zero actual connections to any Catholic church, but I almost feel like a weird half-catholic. That's not a thing, but it's how it feels. I believe a lot of it, and I'm interested in all of it, even if I have my disagreements, plus I understand the environments and culture of it, even if I'm a bit of an outsider.

A year- or maybe two years, idk- ago, I mentioned some upcoming holiday or smth in a post and tagged it messianic. That's the closest name I could find for my experience, but apparently some organizations who use the term suck or something. I ended up getting a bunch of asks calling me a predatory fake jew or a fundamentalist christian trying to appropriate judaism or other weird shit that I'm NOT DOING. Because of my experiences in the past, those comments still weigh so damn heavy on my that I broke my resolve and made this stupid account to complain about it.

I don't have a name for what I am. I don't know where to go to talk about my beliefs with people, or what environment I could find to actually practice whatever weird faith I've dreamt up with other people in a way that isn't just picking part of what I believe and leaving the rest to rot. I feel closer to God and more spiritually fulfilled practicing the festivals that call back to what the Jewish people of old went through, but I also believe in the messiah of the new testament, and I like to read the pope's opinion on things, even though I think no human is perfect or infallible. I want to talk about old writings with people and discuss what they mean, from my religion or others, and I don't want to give any of what's right for me spiritually up.

I don't know what this post is for.

Maybe I'm just venting, but I do want to know if this is a thing or if I'm the only one with this belief system. I'm sick of getting shit for the actions of people who I'm not affiliated with, so apparently calling myself messianic doesn't cut it. I can't call myself "spiritual but not religious" either, because I'm very religious, it's just very personal and not something I shove at people, and "christian" doesn't describe a solid half of what I believe. Off and on again I've considered converting to Catholicism, but I think that's kind of grasping at the closest thing that won't piss off tumblr anons as much. (And yeah, the larger Catholic church can suck, but I honestly think I'm gonna get that with any religion with a large following)

Rambling aside:

I want to find a short description that hits the major points of what I believe in order to help me find a place or group of worship that actually matches my spiritual needs without compromising the cultures that I grew up with and making me feel like shit.

(Also don't try to change my beliefs thanks)

I'll be tagging this with anything I've mentioned or vaguely heard of that might be related so relax ok

[thatdragonzeek]

Today it is 65°F (18°C) and sunny outside, the first nice day of spring, so I decided that today would be a good day to tear up my flower bed so that I can plant new flowers. The reason I want to start over is because last year, my mother planted a couple leafy ground-cover type plants, and they completely took over, none of the flowers I planted bloomed because the ground-cover blocked them from getting the light they needed. I also decided that any earthworms that I found would be put into a small tupperware with some moist soil and some food(I looked up what I should give them) so that I could put them back in my garden when I was done. I only found eleven or twelve worms, so the tupperware I chose works just fine.

Now, I love almost all animals/insects/arachnids/etc, but I don't like anything with more than ten limbs. This means that I am not afraid of rats, snakes, bees, spiders, sharks, et cetera, et cetera. I am, however, absolutely terrified of centipedes, millipedes, and isopods. (Isopods have a lot of other names, so if that name doesn't ring any bells, they are also called: pill bugs, potato bugs, rolly pollies, etc.)

Anyways, I was probably a third of the way done with my garden when I saw a centipede. It was probably only an inch or so long, but I jumped the fuck up, almost screaming, and went inside, taking my worms with me.

I think I'm done gardening for today.

[findinghappinessitml]

Email I wrote to my mother at 12.15am.

So, I am posting this email because I have been meaning to post literally anything to my blog since my last post and I just haven’t been able to but I just got this service called Magic Personal Assistant and it really is magical if in nothing else but it takes off so much pressure in knowing that I don’t have to do everything by myself and I will have professional help that will definitely get. things. done.

My mother and I obviously have a complicated relationship. Everybody has a complicated relationship with their mother. But I think I can confidently say that this my relationship with my mom is ….just extra. We are working on getting to know each other better, on being patient with each other, on being there for each other in new ways, on being honest and forthcoming in our communications, on giving each other space where space is needed, on turning the other cheek when we disapprove of what the other is doing, on learning to like each other instead of just love each other, on not giving up on each other and never speaking again.

What I’d like to suggest to anyone who wants to say something to their mother but hasn’t been able to thus far in life, try: just blurting it out, writing it out in a text and having your loved one press the send button, writing it out longhand so you can burn it afterward, writing it out to an email to me: amari@findinghappinessitml.com.

Here’s the email:

hey momma. estoy usando el servicio de terapia por mensajes que te estaba diciendo de el otro dia. es para poder mensajiar con un terapista pero 24/7 enves de solo una vez por semana. no se preocupe. no voy a dejar de ver a Alexine cada semana. es solo que me gustaría poder hablar con un profesional cuando tengo esos ataques de ansiedad. y cuando tengo los flashbacks (las memorias que me toman por sorpresa y siento que estoy en ellas en ese momento y no puedo ver lo que en realidad está pasando enfrente de mi)

ellos me recomendaron que consiguiera un servicio de paga-como-por-minuto para ayudarme con las cosas de dia a dia que yo no puedo hacer en este momento por la depri. (depresion) cosas como llamar para cambiar mi dirección con USPS, cancelar un servicio, llamar y hacerme las citas con los doctores que necesito hacer pero no hago porque estoy muy preocupada de costo(o si vale la pena ir o s voy a poder ir o si voy a poder ir con alguien no sola et cetera. pierdo como dos hora pensando de todo lo que puede ir mal y nunca llamo hacer la puta cita.), ellos hacen eso con acceso a mi google calendar. y tambien me pueden ayudar con "calendar management" que significa que ellos pueden hacerme un calendario para el dia con tiempos para poder estar mas organizada en lo que tengo que hacer en el dia, y tambien me pueden ayudar con poner productos de venta en etsy/ebay/amazon. solo les mando las fotos de producto(y los detalles -precio,cantidad,colores,etcétera- y ellos se encargan del resto. TAMBIÉN pueden hacer edito de videos y audio y gramática en los artículos que quiero escribir. básicamente me pueden ayudar todo lo que yo no puedo hacer en este momento porque estoy tratando de mantenerme tranquila y positiva para no pensar de cuantas ganas tengo de matarme hoy porque hoy me parece como un dia indicado y excelente para dejar de existir y estoy exhausta de tener que estar peleando todos esos pensamientos y también tener que acordarme de cambiar mi dirección en con USPS.

Use tu tarjeta. Por favor, me dices si es mucho y te lo pago de vuelta. Tengo la plata es solo una ayuda para no preocuparme del costo de conseguir ayuda también. Te quiero. gracias por todo lo que haces por mi.

Translation

Through the Blessed Google Translate -The tool that has helped countless bilingual lil people like me get by in this spanglish world:

hey momma. I am using the message therapy service I was telling you about the other day. It is to be able to message with a therapist but 24/7 only once a week. do not worry. I will not stop seeing Alexine every week. I just wish I could talk to a professional when I have those anxiety attacks. and when I have the flashbacks (the memories that take me by surprise and I feel that I am in them at that moment and I can't see what is really happening in front of me)

They recommended that I get a pay-as-per-minute service to help me with the day-to-day things that I cannot do right now because of the depression. (depression) things like calling to change my address with USPS, cancel a service, call and make appointments with the doctors I need to do but I don't do it because I am very worried about cost (or if it is worth going I will be able to go or if I'm going to be able to go with someone not alone and cetera, I lose about two hours thinking about everything that can go wrong and I never call the fucking date.), they do that with access to my google calendar. and they can also help me with "calendar management" which means that they can make me a calendar for the day with times to be more organized in what I have to do on the day, and they can also help me with putting sales products on etsy / ebay / amazon. I just send them the product photos (and the details - price, quantity, colors, etc.) and they take care of the rest. They can also edit videos and audio and grammar in the articles I want to write. They can basically help me with everything that I can't do right now because I'm trying to stay calm and positive so as not to think about how much I want to kill myself today because today seems like an indicated and excellent day to stop existing and I'm exhausted from having to fight all those thoughts and also having to remember to change my address in with USPS.

I Used your card Please, tell me if it's a lot and I'll pay it back. I have the money is just a help to not worry about the cost of getting help too. I love you Thanks for everything you do for me.

[mewtonian-physics]

I was tagged by @justanotherboredadult. I hate you for doing this to me. (Not seriously, I love tag games. It’s just that this one is going to be really hard.)

Rules: Name ten favorite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.) then tag ten people.

I can’t possibly choose my top ten favorites, so I’ll just name ten in whatever order I like and call it good.

1. Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes, et al)

The legendary detective himself! Ah, if ever there comes a day where I claim to no longer like him, you can take me to a hospital because I’m clearly gravely ill. The original stories are my preference, but there are lots of wonderful adaptations out there as well! The picture above is of Jeremy Brett, whose portrayal of Holmes is widely considered to be one of, if not the best of all time; a moniker which I imagine he would be at least a little bit pleased to have earned.

2. Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

God, I adore Data. His struggles with understanding how others express themselves emotionally, attempts to understand his own feelings, and his inability to connect to the world around him in the same way everyone else did, and the resulting difficulties... as an autistic person, Data’s a character who’s been really important to me for a really long time. He was one of the first characters I was able to really understand and connect with, because I so often had those struggles myself! It’s been years since I first saw him, but it doesn’t matter. Data will always hold a special place in my heart.

Also, uh...

I mean... just look...

3. Root (Person of Interest)

Let me tell you, it was almost impossible to choose just one POI character! I love all of the main team so much, but I think in the end Root is the one who’s got the top spot. Sure, she might start out on the wrong side, but I think that’s one of the reasons she’s so compelling. Her switch from antagonist to protagonist is really fun to watch and honestly, in general, she is just fun to watch. And look at that smile...

4. Lemy Abelard (Evillious Chronicles)

Yes, yes, it’s time to get my weeb on. Anyway. This is my clown son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Et cetera. The best clown in the world, in my humble opinion. There’s not much competition to be had :) He’s just a good boy who loves his mother very much... the Pierrot novel’s finally started to get translated and I’m even more ready to die for him than I was before. He’s a precious child. I adore him.

5. Asuka Langley Soryu (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Asuka, Asuka, Asuka. What am I supposed to do with you except love and cherish you, huh? I know some people think she’s a bitch, and I guess she kind of is one, but do I give a damn? No. No, I do not. Her drive to succeed and prove herself is very compelling, and her backstory hurts like hell, and honestly I just want to give her a hug and tell her that she is the best EVA pilot in the world and no one can take that away from her.

Also, after what Shinji did to her in that goddamn kitchen scene, I just... Man, I’ve been there. How could I begrudge her anything after that?

6. Akemi Homura (Puella Magi Madoka Magica)

You want to try and tell me this girl isn’t amazing? Go ahead, I dare you. She’s incredible. The amount she’s gone through would make anybody crack, but she held herself together so long, and I think that’s really amazing and admirable. Oh, Homura... I hope you get your happy ending.

Also, uh, she’s just cool. Have you seen the stuff she’s capable of? It’s awesome. And look at that hair!

7. L Lawliet (Death Note)

I’m autistic so shut the fuck up--okay, in all seriousness, this frog detective is pretty fucking great. I’m such a sucker for the genius detective archetype, particularly the ‘odd’ ones; it’s been that way for a very, very long time, and I doubt it’s going to stop any time soon.

He’s not that great a person, but I love him anyway. Honestly, I think that’s what makes him interesting! In a series like Death Note, there’s not a lot of room for ‘good’ and ‘evil’ designations, and he falls comfortably into the gray. And he’s just fun to watch!

8. Edogawa Ranpo (Bungou Stray Dogs)

I’ve already told you I’m a sucker for his archetype, but really... Ranpo is so much like a kid, but he’s so smart! He doesn’t even have a special ability, but he’s the core of the Armed Detective Agency; he doesn’t need an ability, he’s a natural genius! He’s fun and kinda relatable and I love seeing him in action. You just can’t change my mind on this one!

Also, he’s autistic too. Fight me.

9. Flandre Scarlet (Touhou Project)

I’m not ashamed to admit it--I love Flandre! She’s actually what got me into Touhou in the first place. Just look at her wings--shiny and colorful crystals--and I love shinies so is it really that hard to see why I’d like her? Plus, her theme song is fun, and she’s got a bunch of Agatha Christie references packed into one tiny little vampire, and I love Agatha Christie so... Flandre just came for my soul.

10. Kurapika (Hunter x Hunter)

It was a hard choice between him and Killua, but in the end, Kurapika won out. What can I say? Well, honestly, nothing, since I don’t fully understand it myself. I guess he’s just an interesting character.

Also, can you say ‘trans icon’? Because I can. Kurapika = trans icon. Thanks for your time.

Let’s see, I have to tag people now, don’t I... Very well.

@shadows-in-the-light-of-day @eveillious @eyeciclez @chatoyqnt @nakaharahs @krpk @adhdleorio @chuuya-nyakahara @ryuuwunosuke @omoidori if you guys don’t mind, of course ^-^ feel free to ignore this, all i request is that you not eat me for tagging you :0

[modernlcve]

*  —  stats —   spencer meyers !

* — basics !

full name:   spencer burke meyers. nickname(s):   prefers none. age:   twenty - two date of birth:   august seventh. place of birth:   san francisco,   california. gender:   male. pronouns:   he / him. sexual orientation:   gay. level of education:   high school graduate. recipient of a bachelor’s degree in urban sustainability.

* — physical !

tattoos:  none. piercings:   none. notable features:   he really is the blandest mother fucker huh.. weakness(es):   he just gets worked up. scar(s):   none.

* — domestic !

occupation:   intern for parks & recreation.   waits tables at a theme restaurant to pay the bills. residence:  he has a room to himself at the fold. social class:   well off. parents:   richard meyers,   age 56,   can lick my balls.   he puts up with spencer to the best of his abilities  ( poorly ).   sheila meyers,   passed away when spencer was 13 and she was 40.   wendy meyers,   age 43,   his step-mother he surprisingly fucks with.   not enough to get him to come home  a lot,   but enough. siblings:   ian meyers,   age 25,   a young republican whom spencer will unfortunately have to battle one day. zach and cora newman,   his step-siblings who,   again, seem to get his whole Deal more than his blood family. extended family:   notable members of the meyers Brood are their grandparents,   two overbearing old white people always ready to let you know what bullshit they’re on,   and grahams Sect of the family:   spencer’s paternal uncle and cousins,   who all meet up together for big family dinners.

* — personality !

positive traits:   staunch.   fervent.   altruistic. negative traits:   melodramatic.   one-track.   rude. myers-briggs ( x ):   estj;   the executive. temperament:   choleric. moral alignment:   neutral good. horoscope:   leo;   the lion. hogwarts house:   ravenclaw.

* — favorites !

movie:    almost famous. tv show:   chopped. book:   let’s explore diabetes with owls by david sedaris. drink:   he fucks w a good ipa. food:   ravioli from a Very specific restaurant. animal:   turtles. color:   light blue. song:   never tear us apart by inxs artist:   the cure. celebrity crush:   zac efron.

* — impressions !

first impression:  he’s a lot.   he doesn’t really take it down a notch for anyone,   not even for a first impression,   so a lot of people are rightfully overwhelmed by him.   he’s nice enough,   but he always seems like he has eighty other things that he’d rather be doing and they all make him want to die. self impression:   he doesn’t think poorly of himself,   but he does strive to always be changing and growing and doing his Best to better himself everyday.   he wants to leave the world a better place than he found it,   even if in minuscule ways. lover impression:   in generally,   i guess he’d be a Needy boyfriend if only because he has a goal with a partner.   he looks for someone who could balance out his Manic energy.   he’s always going and always trying to move on to the next thing and its romantic 2 think that maybe there’s someone out there that could teach him how  to stop and smell the roses.

* — et cetera !

turn ons:   passion.   confidence.   a strong jawline. turn offs:   passivity.   a man that doesn’t know how to recycle. drink/drugs/smoke:   yes/no/no. dominant hand:   right. clean or messy:   clean. early bird or night owl:   night owl. hobbies or special talents:   he gets into karaoke.   he’s not good at singing,   he just really commits in an admirable way.   he was a competitive swimmer all through high school and college.

* — QUESTIONNAIRE !

01. where was your character born? what brought them to los angeles? what do they like most about the town?

spencer was born in san francisco and,   if he had it his way,   he would still be there.   he thinks it’s the Greatest City In The World,   but he moved away from it when his mom was sick,   and then moved again for school,   and has settled in los angeles for the time being because it’s where he was able to get a job.   he does see himself going back to san francisco one day,   but he doesn’t mind la for the time being.   he likes that he’s out of his element in la,   he thinks it adds a fun challenge to things.

02. who are your character’s friends and family? who do they surround themselves with? who are the people your character is closest to?

spencer’s family mostly consists of his dad and brother and then his dad’s side of the family.   he still sees his mom’s family from time to time,   but they live further upstate and without his mom tethering them together,   it’s just become less frequent that they see eachother.   his dad’s family is close though,   in a weird family dynasty kind of way.   spencer doesn’t fit into the grand scheme of things with them,   and if anything,   plays that up at big family dinners,   so his closer family would be his step-mom and step-siblings,   who don’t play into that bullshit as much.   he surrounds himself with people that treat him well,   he has to put up with enough that don’t already.   i don’t think he has a best friend though,   partly because he’s convinced himself he’s too busy and partly because he just doesn’t take the time with people that he should.

03. what is your character’s biggest fear? who have they told this to? who would they never tell this to? why?

spencer gets freaked out thinking about time and the inevitable end of it all.   he’s got a lot he wants to get done,   big goals and big plans to accomplish them,   but as someone who’s so ambitious,   it freaks him out to think that his time rollin’ around is finite.   how is he supposed to squeeze the Human Experience in with his Professional Ambitions to Save Mother Gaia with such a big chunk of his life already over and done with?   he’s not bashful to talk about this,   so anyone who’ll listen has probably heard it by now.

04. has your character ever been in love? had a broken heart?

i don’t think he’s ever been in love.   i think he has a lot of crushes and little infatuations,   just to get him through the day and give him someone to plot a big grand love story with to fill the void of not having a real relationship,   but no real relationships or connections that got to the point where u could call it love.   in the same way,   i don’t think his heart has ever been broken Like That,   he gets bummed when he gets big crushes on straight guys who won’t look at him but it’s not that deep,   he just finds another unsuspecting man of his dreams.

06. it’s saturday at noon. what is your character doing? give details.

he’s working.   the man is nonstop.   whenever he can be,   he likes to be elbows deep in whatever parks and rec has to give him:   he’s trying really hard to make a good impression and get some Real Experience under his belt.   at noon on a saturday,   he’s harassing whoever’s in the office for some kind of task or project,   just hoping to wear someone down.

07. what is one strong memory that has stuck with your character since childhood?

well , there was one when he was little and he kept telling graham that spiderman and the hulk were boyfriends and they had a son named americus.   that was a hoot.   all jokes aside,   he remembers a trip he took to the beach with his family when he was little,   and night after dinner everyone going out to play frisbee or some Nonsense by the ocean.   it was one of the first times he felt like a passive observer more than a member of the Gang:   he was so bad at both catching and throwing and not getting mad about being bad that he just rolled himself up in a towel and sat there while everyone else played.

09. what is something that upsets your character? where do they go when they’re upset?

he likes being busy,   make no mistake.   it would drive him crazy to not have a full agenda in front of him,   to not have something he was always working on.   but he still gets overwhelmed from time to time,   he toes a thin line of blissfully busy and biting off more than he can chew.   when he gets upset,   he likes to just take a couple laps around the block,   listen to some music,   and then come back and try to re-calibrate.   he doesn’t have too much time to spend on self soothing,   but when he needs to cool down,   he can at least make it multipurpose  ( get a lil exercise,   hit up the grocery,  etc ).

10. when your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it? why?

his mom used to make spice cake cupcakes for family Hooplahs.   spencer didn’t even like them,   because it’s rare to find a kid that does  ( especially when the cream cheese frosting bomb is Dropped ),   but he remembers the smell distinctly.   he’s tried to make them since she died,   but he knows when they’re baking that he fucked them up,   because the smell just isn’t half as enticing.

[autisticdindjarin]

Hi! ~ So, every questions are for Tacee please! ~ A: 2 5 6 12 // B: 1 13 15 16 // C 2 5 // D: 3 // E: 2 3 6 // F: 2 5 10 // G: 2 6 // H: 1 2 9 // I: 1 2 3 // J: 1 5 // L: 1 2 3 ?

That’s a lot! I love it.

A2) What alignment are they? Chaotic neutral, lawful evil, et cetera…

Chaotic neutral

A5) Are they good at handling change in their life?

Absolutely not.

A6) Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., “I’m sure that’s what you said” versus “It’s possible I misheard you.”

She assumes that she is correct most of the time, and highly trusts in her own perceptions even when they are wrong.

A12) Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves?

No.

B1) Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?

Give respect to get it.

B13) Do they have a large or small group of friends?

Suprisingly large for a Jedi. Lana, Theron, and Chiado are her main friends that she hangs out with, but she’s very close with many others - Cherise, Adahn, Garrede, Koth, Kira, Rusk, T7, and Zora to name a few.

B15) Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..?

Yes! She’s very much an extrovert and outgoing, she gets her energy from being around people and loves crashing parties.

B16) Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix?

The center of attention.

C2) Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?

Yes, but she feels the need to do so often, which leaves her with a lot of constant guilt.

C5) Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

It is situational, but based on more dire things than inconvenience or someone she doesn’t like - it goes out the door when it’s for the greater good. Or if you’re just a really fucking bad person.

D3) How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

She’s chill with her own death, not so chill with the death of others. She has a hard time letting go.

E2) Which of the nine types of intelligence is your OC strongest in? Weakest? (Linguistic, existential, naturalist, et cetera)

Strongest - bodily-kinestheticWeakest- intra-personal

E3) How many languages do they speak?

Several. Binary, Huttese, Shyriiwook, etc.

E6) Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education?

It depends on the subject. Anything in Force combat forms, she’s ecstatic about. Orobirds are excellent.

F2) What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?

An averaged sized abode atop a cliff on the beach, ideally around the more uninhabited areas of Rishi, where it’s warm and she can raise Orobirds!

F5) How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

She’s pretty good at figuring things out once you tell her how to do them, the problem being most things she hasn’t been told how to fix.

F10) Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?

No.

G2) Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them?

Torazz de-Val- Biological FatherTylora Mor- Biological MotherAnzria Shan- Adopted DaughterSenya Tirall- StepmotherArcann & Thexan- StepbrothersSatele Shan- mother-in-law, mentor

G6) Do they have any favorite childhood memories?

As a young padawan, she was taken to the Jedi Temple on Ilum as a field trip of sorts - she loved the snow, but hated the cold, and one of the Jedi Masters used a Force technique on her to keep her warm while she played in the snow. It had the effect of remaining a very warm, safe, and happy memory in her mind.

H1) What is your OC’s orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation?

Tacee is bisexual. She’s always been sure of this, but never very forthcoming, as she was always trying to fit the image of the perfect Jedi in her youth, and then later she just didn’t care enough to talk about it with everything else going on. As a young Jedi, she had a lot of different sexual affairs with people - Garrede, Leeha Narezz & Jomar Chul (at the same time), Somminick Timmns, Doc, Lemda Avesta, and more.

H2) Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Sometimes. She tends to be absent-minded on a lot of things when it comes to anything emotional, and often has to be grounded to get back on focus. Her first real relationship with Lemda is somewhat of a disaster because Tacee just takes things for granted and doesn’t come through emotionally like Lemda needs her to.

H9) What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?

Arrogance.

I1) What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?

Sweet!

I2) Do they have any eating requirements or preferences? Allergies, vegetarian, organic-only, religious restrictions…

Tacee, as a Togruta, is a carnivore, only eating meat, preferably non-cooked.

I3) Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally aren’t)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances?

No.

J1) Where does your OC stand most politically? What would they align with most?

She’s gray aligned on most things, but her morals guide her politics, so while she does try to at least work with the Empire, she’s very against their views on slavery and well, imperialism, and general specism (??). But she’s not fond of the Republic’s military workings either.

J5) Are they or would they protest for a cause they’re passionate about?

Yes.

L1) How have your characters changed since you created them?

I used to have her with just the game design, but I made a lot of tweaks to her appearance myself for the patterns on her face and montrals.

L2) What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any?

Gray morality and learning to love and let herself be loved.

L3) Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?

No, I didn’t have myself in mind when I created Tacee, though she did end up with some of my traits like Autism. Otherwise, she’s pretty much opposite of me, being outspoken and opinionated.