#etc etc a life of repressing their sense of self and helping other people with their arcs only to disregard their own

[vegetabletaxi]

dfjsdf its so nice seeing someone draw exclusively june <3 as someone who cant really stomach seeing john (i cant really wrap my head around how some people just disregard it?? it makes me so upset) your acc is one of my safe spaces

<3 i'm really glad that this blog can be a source of comfort for you ;u; that makes me so happy

i love june so much!!!! i'm a mod at @shittyjunedaily for a reason!!!! she is the one and only for me!!!111

[bouquetface]

Future Spouse Based on Nakshatra - Pt. Three

Please read the following for accuracy:

Check for which nakshatra of your dakarkaka.

You may want to check the nakshatra of your Venus (for wife) and Jupiter (for husband) as well.

You may want to read for your moon & AatmaKaaraka nakshatra to see if the traits apply to you.

DISCLAIMER: Keep in mind accuracy is influenced by the ENTIRE natal chart. Planet, sign & house + aspects made all impact accuracy.

DHANISHTA:

General traits:

Full, downturned lips. Youthful looking. Slightly bushy eyebrows. Prominent hairstyle - often longer, wavy, usually lighter.

Strong sense of responsibility.

Often it said they will become wealthy. They are good at research and analysis. They can offer helpful insight - out of the box type thinking.

Strong pull towards art. Deep love for music, film, literature, dancing etc. Interests in history or mythology are likely too.

Likely to have a successful marriage. Late marriage and having kids later in life has been noticed.

Negative traits:

Tend to be inconsiderate - they will almost do anything to get to their desires.

May lie or withhold information for personal gain. Loose/bendable moral compass.

PURVA ASHADA:

General traits:

Often beautiful. Women tend to be thicker. Sensual & soft appearance. Bow shaped lip. Men tend to have a bright appearance.

Influential people. Polite people. Well liked.

Appearance can create haters for no reason.

Supportive. Loyal to friends. Humble.

Humorous. Often their style of humour is overlooked &/or misunderstood.

Likely to have many children (3 or more. Depends on entire natal chart though as well as partner’s chart)

Negative traits:

Do not like suggestions/advice. Do not like being told what to do.

Some tend to have a superiority complex. This isn’t for no reason though. They often are attractive and/or have status in life. This creates enemies making them defensive. Their mindset can become “you need me, I don’t need you”

Women tend to harbour resentment for men due to negative experiences.

Likely to have negative experiences with authority figures as well (ex: bosses, parents or older siblings).

BHARANI:

General traits:

Oval or Oblong face shape likely. Thin to medium lips. Unique look. Stand out in a crowd. Reasons vary: Tall, eye-catching style, shape facial features etc.

Creative. Clever. Materialistic.

Fast moving and/or fast thinking.

Spontaneous. Loyal to friends.

Child like nature. Nurturing side. Deeply cares for animals and humanity. May not feel comfortable expressing this.

Generally it is believed these individuals have long lives.

Negative traits:

Impatient. Impulsive. Lacking discipline. Some are self destructive.

Prone to being overbearing. Those who have kids tend to become very anxious about their children’s life & health.

KRITTIKA:

General traits:

Pointed chin. Naturally thick eyebrows. Natural thin lips. Round, large captivating eyes. Aspect to Saturn can create a bony & tall body type. Men tend to be muscular. Traditionally handsome.

Materialistic. May like to collect.

Respectable. Determined. Well known within their circles - for good or bad reasons.

Confident. Leader.

Straightforward person.

Negative traits:

Critical of others & themselves.

May lack patience. Impulsive side. Repressed aggression.

HASTA:

General traits:

Usually thin arched eyebrows. Thin to medium lip. Diamond face shape likely. Generally tall with small & soft features.

Appears unattached. Adaptable.

Often gains wealth at a later age.

Charming, creative & calm demeanour. Makes them attractive & admired.

Tend to have more daughters than son. (Depends on entire natal chart though as well as partner’s chart)

Negative traits:

Competitive side. Not necessarily a negative because it keeps them motivated.

Can be overindulgent.

Have a controlling side to them.

PURVA PHALGUNI:

General traits:

Medium to full lips. Soft square fade shape likely. Smaller forehead, big/lots of curly hair. Many baby hairs. Hard to tame hair.

Youthful. Often active hobbies/interests.

Charming. Open minded.

Love & appreciation of art. Creative.

Intelligent. Leader.

Negative traits:

Vindictive when upset.

Hates being uncomfortable.

May desire to be center of attention.

Lack of motivation can make them become careless or lazy.

[blitz0hno]

It's sad to me that if the Milgram cases were Real with ALL the character traits/situational factors being the Same and we analyzed the people the same way we do the characters, we'd all be mocked and degraded for humanizing these "muderers" (except MAYBE Shidou and Yuno but that's not even beginning to touch the other end of the spectrum; some of the patronizing the fans do of characters reflect their real-life sense of "pity" etc.)

Like obviously people are gonna be wary about actions that lead to Death but tbh ALL THESE MURDERS WERE PREVENTABLE WITH BETTER SOCIETAL STRUCTURES

this wasn't supposed to be a long post but fuck it

Haruka needed a caretaker and a care team who understood his emotional and physical needs; he was neglected and compared instead, left to cope with intensely painful emotions alone.

Yuno is highly isolated and seeks feelings of warmth and closeness in quick gratification, because giving your heart to someone else in a selfish world is dangerous; she needed honesty and realness, and also an economy that doesn't make men's objectification of her an ideal career choice.

Fuuta is also highly isolated and has extremely punitive views; his "community" was built on vitriol instead of good faith.

Muu is a neglected teen who lashed out as a result of the social structures she and her friends perpetuated; a culture of perfectionism and hierarchal notions make desperation to stay "on top" explosive.

Shidou shouldn't live in a world where he has to "deceive" people to help transplant patients, or suffer with guilt over his own family; a culture of death acceptance and genorosity would help him overcome these horrible feelings.

Mahiru had her mind fixated on a highly commercialized/mainstream idea of "love" and "romance," wrapping her self-worth in it to the point where she pulled another down; had her partner been honest with her, in a world where saving face and repression wasn't more important than communicating, they could have been at peace with or without each other.

Kazui was forced by the expectations of others to play a role he never wanted to, and another human's hopes and dreams were wrapped up in this role; his "failure" to be a husband to her as a straight man would not have even been an issue in a world where everyone can explore themselves without shame.

Amane was raised with cult ideology and shown immense levels of violence for a child to comprehend; she should have been protected, and a world where safety is more important than ideology would have saved their whole family.

Mikoto was heavily abused to the point where "survive by any means necessary" is on the table; everyone involved in his "murder" would have been better off showing a lot more compassion to others AND themselves.

Kotoko, though no "tragic backstory" that we know of, has always known that this world and that people in it can be violent and cruel; giving them a taste of their own medicine wouldn't be so bad if the medicine weren't so horrible to begin with.

If this world sought understanding before judgement, Es would not have the weight of 10+ worlds on their shoulders.

But if the world wasn't this way, we wouldn't have Milgram.

So it goes.

[sinvilles]

more thoughts: Clay and his alcoholism

to reiterate my first point from the last post:

I'm not concerned with whether any character in the series was "redeemed" or not. the show was cut in half, and so was every character arc. hence we end up with a show that got cancelled when all the main characters were at their lowest point of development in the narrative, and all the surrounding characters getting half developed to a point of mild satisfaction.

I don't think Clay is misunderstood in this fandom so much as misinterpreted. namely the overt focus on his abusive incidents and qualities drowns out any analysis about how and why they emerged in the first place. and the insistence on reading him through this over the top evil villain tunnel vision- Clay is an antagonist, in that his actions are in opposition to Orel's, but he's not a villain. I actually don't think there are designated villains in Moral Orel, just a lot of damaged, self destructive people who rationalize, deny and repress the harm they cause. humans, as Dino called them.

put succinctly, I think we often forget that Clay has a disease, that it is life-threatening, and no one around him is educated enough to see the warning signs- because drinking culture is so ingrained in their social circle that there's nothing to do but repress whatever harm it causes.

earlier on in the show, his drinking is less pronounced. This is not to say he didn't have a problem, because its clear from Help that his binging started early in their marriage. I do think there is a gradual descent beginning with him drinking the boozy milk in church, slowly until Bloberta calls him a "self-destructive alcoholic", and then a rapid plummet after he walks out on Christmas eve. This feels in line with a relapse.

I went back and forth on whether Clay had actually never touched a drop of booze before he met Bloberta- he lied about his father being dead, he must have been shitting her about "isnt drinking a sin?" because even he knows that his mother used to drink- and also the way he keeps on looks like someone who tried to stop before and that this is his relapse. but then he goes on about his "new found superpowers" and thanking Bloberta for helping him come out of his shell so it definitely seems like alcohol is providing him with a burst of sociability and extraversion that he otherwise didn't think he had in him before.

Clay genuinely believed that drinking was making him a better person. This is reinforced by what others say to him: by Bloberta saying "it makes us better people", or Danielle telling him, "you're better when you drink." The word "better" is used directly in his rant- he mimes the alcohol telling him: "I'll make things better, dear! drink me, put me inside you!" in the following dialogue, its very clear that he associates drinking with his relationship with Bloberta, and women in general. And also that the sex he has had with Bloberta might be less than consensual and not pleasurable for him. More on this later.

That's the rub of alcohol. You drink a little to feel good, and you do it until that amount doesn't do it for you anymore, and the tolerance builds up until you need to drink enough to black out, and being black out drunk is where your inhibitions completely disappear. Black out drunk means you might whip out your dick and piss on someone's computer- knew a guy who did it- does this mean you hate that person, or computers? no, just that your senses were no longer functioning to keep you from carrying out every insane impulse you have.

alcohol addiction isn't a moral failing, its a disease. Clay's true moral failing was that he wasn't responsible or mature enough to be left alone with his son in the wilderness. He wasn't a horrifyingly inept father in the past episodes, mostly just spanking Orel before asking him why he (impregnated women in their sleep/sold his piss for profit/did crack/stole his booze/etc). Then he imparts an entirely deranged moral because he feels like he needs to explain to Orel some justification for his punishment, which he might be doing to bond with him the way he used to bond with his mother.

Clay was not properly fathered (or mothered, for that matter), and is not equipped to be a good father. His version of fathering Orel is an attempt to undo the neglect of his boyhood- he is physically present in his life, "a boy needs his father" so he says, he converses with him- while he did spank him, he's never slapped him or battered him, which is interesting to note because Arthur only ever hit Clay in the face. The actual, major fuck up in his life happened when he was black out drunk.

Its notable that after the incident we get an episode of him reflecting on the death of his mother, and how he never got to go on that coveted hunting trip with his dad. the road to hell truly is paved with good intentions.

but he gets worse. He starts ditching work to drink. he ditches church to drink. he's calling up his situationship midday to drink. he has ditched the shot glass and is drinking his brown booze straight from the bottle now. this is ruining his friendships, his professional connections, even the barmaid hates him now. Because he can't reconcile his self-image with what he did to his child, his only narcissistic impulse is to deny it happened, lie about it, to himself, to the doctor, to everyone around him. Then when he can't deny it happened, he hides from his son out of shame, and avoids talking to him for 6 months, only speaking to him again when it becomes clear that his son has publicly sided against him. Right after that he emotionally regresses and becomes susceptible to the manipulations of a seemingly older woman. Clay is in the middle of a mental breakdown.

then the show gets cancelled.

of course they killed it. why would adult swim want to air a show where a character suffers from a realistic depiction of alcoholic dependency? one where a guy pisses his bed because he's too drunk to get up at night, one where a guy almost kills his child (not played for laughs)? the audience doesn't want to be told that they need to kick their habit. they'd prefer a mad scientist who can just grow himself a new liver any time he needs to replace it. Or a cartoon crow who gets into hi-LAR-ious out-RAG-eous hijinks because of his drinking. do you see what I'm saying?

I mean, what if Clay stopped drinking?

("Yeah, what if?")

there's this thing called withdrawal, where if your body is at the point where it is dependent on alcohol for stability, alcohol every day every hour, all year long- like Clay is- going cold turkey can actually end your life.

a caricatured depiction of withdrawal can be seen happening to Orel in the episode "Grounded"- he isn't just "going crazy", Church is an addiction that he needs to feed to feel normal. It's a very silly take on it, but the insatiable cravings, sweats, nausea, shakes, clamminess and the feelings of unmanageable suicidality are the same.

Other effects of alcoholic withdrawal include (not in order) seizures, hallucinations, acute anxiety, mood swings, tachycardia, and in worst cases delirium tremens. with the way Clay drinks he would definitely end up with pretty bad DTs.

And it goes on for at least 6 months.

when this happens, a person needs to be hospitalized. and knowing the medical staff at Martin Luther Hospital, I can understand why he would want to avoid it. I don't think he has the willpower to wait past shaky hands before he reaches for his next drink.

another part of overcoming an addiction to alcohol is community support- support from family, friends, spouses. this was described by Kabi Nagata in one of her memoirs as a kind of "foothold in the world" to keep the patient stable and focused. but as of the start of season 2, Bloberta doesn't care. Clay perceives Bloberta as not being on his side- if your own wife isn't on your side, what hope do you have needing her when you're vulnerable? fuck, even Clay isn't on his own side.

On Bloberta- I get the feeling she might have supported him to stop drinking earlier in their marriage. Or at least to get his drinking under control (as in, not publicly visible). Maybe before Shapey was born? but when he started again, she was through being "on his side" so to speak.

(and I do think his drinking has some correlation to his sex life. according to Bloberta, "when does he ever remember?" and based on what little Orel said in that one promo, Clay is never sober enough to be on top, like he so insists upon being the "right" way. in his rant Clay graphically describes PIV sex with open revulsion. call me crazy, but I kind of get the feeling he's gay.)

but the real reason I think he was triggered to drinking to excess, is Danielle.

its pretty clear from the get-go of season 2 is that Clay was carrying on an affair with him, at least an emotional one if not a physical one. and I can imagine that his attraction to Danielle unsettles him, to the point that he needs to reinforce his concept of masculinity with the markers of it; hiding in his little man cave and collecting hunting equipment- and drinking hard liquor to excess. Everything he accuses Orel of during the hunting trip- being sensitive, soft, a sissy- is just something he projects because he's insecure about it in himself. and the root of it is his fear of loving Danielle.

despite the humiliation he subjected himself to in Honor- him admitting that he loved Danielle was a brief moment of growth. albeit closeted, fearful, it was a revelation of what was really in him. closest comparable moment of honesty in the series was him admitting to Orel that his identity as a father is central to who he is, and without it he would be nothing. and then there's his academy award winning drunken rants.

where could his character have gone... I think leaving his family, aka Orel, aka forgoing his identity as a father, might be the best he could do. that and getting sober. but there's no getting sober without leaving his family, because he associates his wife with drinking. and there's no getting sober if you don't have a friend left in the world. it was sad to see him still with her in the final scene because they both really could've thrived in divorce.

[anemoiashifts]

a collective shifting reading.

hi guys :) if you’re seeing this on tumblr that means you’re getting this three hours early but 7.10 is the anemoiashifts tiktok accounts first birthday 🎂🤍 !

i wanted to do something special & originally i wanted to talk about the first time — and only time — that i have shifted but i don’t think im ready to share something that personal to hundreds of strangers on the internet. then, i was going to do a q&a but i thought that would be a little lazy, then i thought about going live & doing live shifting readings on tiktok but im a pretty shy person so that idea went out the window as quickly as it came. so i hope this video will do :) !

this is a collective shifting reading for all of my followers or anyone who comes across this. this reading is going to be a little longer then my previous ones because i want to provide as much clarity as i can to try & help you guys ⊹ ₊ ⟡ ⋆

who this is for ₊˚ෆ

this reading is for everyone who has shown me support within the past year or decided to stick around for whatever reason; even if this video magically stumbles upon your path. but here are some specifics that ive picked up on:

star or heart shaped jewelry (rings, bracelets, necklaces, etc.) specially, silver jewelry or silver in general. maybe you’re someone who doesn’t take well to criticism. if you have a connection to foxes, mice / rats or house cats. shiny & holographic clothing. soft makeup shades (baby pink, nudes, baby blue).

reading ₊˚ෆ

your biggest “blockade” is your over commitment to your desired reality & shifting as a whole. there needs to be balance or you are pouting yourself at risk for losing your sense of self & going into a downwards spiral. your relationship with shifting is filled with limerence instead of taking control of your life & looking at your life (here or in your dr) long term. you may have multiple dr’s which only fuel that fascination with shifting as a concept. you want to experience so many different things, but you can’t do everything all at once. you have made too many commitments at once. to provide that clarity to yourself, focus on one place at a time. the reason you are so disconnected to your dr is because you’re trying to simultaneously connect with the ten others that you have in that works.

you already understand what doesn’t serve you, doesn’t serve you. weather that be patterns or methods or mindset. you have already let go of them. you don’t need to rehash what you already know. while nostalgic, the era of 2020 / 2021 shiftok has ended & looking back on the past is pointless. because of this looking back to this era with such a yearning to re-spark that initial excitement that you had when the idea of shifting was shown to you, it can quickly become a distraction; reminiscing instead of reigniting.

if you feel stuck, it’s because you feel directionless in your shifting journey. you have so many ideas & so much you want to do but feel lost at sea. you are struggling yo see progress or success. without looking back on what no longer serves you, go back to what you want to get out of shifting. to get out of this never ending cycle, you need to take responsibility for yourself & journey. you also need to recognize the power you already hold. nothing separates a “successful” shifter from a non successful shifter other then how you personally choose to define it. this could be a reflection of your lack of self confidence & be a sign to honoring yourself. how your view yourself, dictates your relationships with other people & how you show up in the world. you could be repressing traumas & emotions & trying to put a band aid over them though shifting. if you feel shame or stupid for putting in energy to reality shift, don't. if it brings you joy then know anything that brings you happiness is worth it & never a waste.

thank you for reading & i hope this resonated with you & you were able to maybe see your journey in a new light or get some clarity. i love you so very much !! ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀ !!

[relicsongmel]

Thinking about Iris' very open disdain for spirit channeling and how it seemingly contradicts many other elements of her character.

Let me explain—Iris prior to the end of BttT is a woman who only knows facades, covering up the truth, and only presenting herself exactly as she wants others to see her. We see this over and over again throughout the course of the story: she hides her real identity while dating Phoenix, she does damage control for Dahlia and Godot to help them avoid blame for their crimes, and she is extremely selective about which information she chooses to disclose to specific people depending on whatever role she finds herself playing in that moment (daughter, girlfriend, accomplice, etc). Her demeanor as a whole is also rather meek and unassuming, and she's shown to be exceptionally kind; she expresses favorable opinions on most everyone she meets, even those continuously treated poorly by other characters (like Larry) or those that have objectively done reprehensible things (like Dahlia).

All of this stands in stark contrast to her saying in no uncertain terms that she hates spirit channeling:

This stands out to me because it is one of very few things that Iris is completely forthright honest about in the early portion of this case. After spending all day avoiding Phoenix and now carefully dodging his questions towards her in hopes of preventing the truth of her deception from coming out (all of this while actively avoiding her responsibilities at the Inner Temple because of Larry's "blackmail" letter which also threatened to expose her "secret"), why is this the one bit of truth she chooses to divulge here? Or rather: why is this the one thing she seemingly cannot lie about?

Obviously the answer lies in Iris' past and the permanent damage that was done to her and her family due to the politics of the Fey clan, with the Kurain Channeling Technique at the root, and the DL-6 incident as the event that brought everything to ruin. Iris bore witness to her mother Morgan losing the title of Master of Kurain due to her inferior powers and the despair that caused her, then three years later saw her aunt Misty who, despite purportedly being so much better than her mother, made a mistake while channeling that led to an innocent man's conviction, disgracing the Fey name and causing her to flee the village in shame. With this in mind, it makes sense that Iris would feel so strongly about spiritual powers doing more harm than good; after all, she has firsthand experience of the damage that can be done to the women that have it.

But what of the women that don't have it—namely, Iris herself? What happens to a spirit medium, born of the Fey bloodline, daughter of the then-master of her channeling school, when she's shown to not have any spiritual powers? I'm of the opinion that Iris' hatred is not only a product of what she's seen happen to her mother and aunt, but also very closely tied to what is, essentially, her earliest failure in life—after all, what good is a medium who can't channel? Fey women are raised to believe that their worth is linked to how well they can perform the service of their clan, which is the same reason why Maya beats herself up for failing to channel Mia in Turnabout Goodbyes and Pearl does the same with Dahlia later in this case. In a sense, Iris' hatred of spirit channeling is an externalization of her own self-hatred—unlike Dahlia, who mainly copes by lashing out and seeking revenge on those who wrong her, Iris is far too gentle and loving to lay blame on any one person. But all that repressed guilt and anger still has to go somewhere—and it manifests through this one small crack in her otherwise flawless facade. The one thing she cannot bring herself to find beauty in no matter how much she tries. The one thing that should have given her purpose but didn't—leaving her no choice but to mold herself beyond recognition over and over into roles that aren't truly her own, but at the very least give her meaning where she was denied it before.

And knowing her? She probably hates that flaw more than anything.

[starsworldd]

✿ 𝟴𝘁𝗵, 𝟵𝘁𝗵, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝟭𝟬𝘁𝗵 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 (𝗽𝘁. 𝟯) ✿

• reminder to go listen to domino 1 by iamsagsssssss :> ⭐️

• once again, thank you so much for the support!! ⭐️

saggitarius rising: 👾

❖ cancer 8th house - family may have been a cause of concern for you. maybe there’s lots of secrets or taboos in your family. the past and your childhood are difficult things for you to confront as well. you may be scared to feel the range of your emotions and may often keep them repressed because you somehow fear them possibly.

❖ leo 9th house - a way to help you with these problems is to foster your own creativity. you may find that your own personal discoveries are found through things like singing, dancing, theater, etc… not being afriad to express yourself is your way of making the most out of your transformations :))

❖ virgo 10th house - you’re known as someone who puts their best into the daily grind. with both luminaries in the 8th and 9th houses, your healing journey reflects both aspects of the ego and that’s not an easy journey to go through! but nonetheless, your potential lies in inspiring others how to reinvent their routines to match their best self. from dealing with familial/emotional struggles (cancer 8th house) to establishing your own separate independence and smarts because of those struggles (virgo 10th house) <3

capricorn rising: ⚡️

❖ leo 8th house - someone who may be afraid of the spotlight. music, dance, creativity in general is your superpower and is very transformative for you. you may have been afraid to show your talents or might have gotten a lot of backlash for sharing them. self-expression wasn’t always easy for you </3

❖ virgo 9th house - to escape this, you work on your skill set. someone who practices their talents or trains how they want to express themselves on a public level to some degree. applying your skills in a helpful way is what helps you heal and sets you free!

❖ libra 10th house - because you’ve established yourself as someone dedicated to their craft, people love you. people admire your hard work and you inspire others to work hard as well. you come off as someone who knows the balance between having fun and being able to do difficult tasks. pretty similar to scorpio rising in the sense that you went from someone who was scared to show off your creativity and fun side (leo 8th) to someone who is loved and admired by others for your work (libra 10th)

aquarius rising: 🫧

❖ virgo 8th house - practicing your skills is what sets you apart. you may have been shamed for the type of service you do, or the way you live your life in general. you could be afraid or may seem reluctant to transforming your daily routines and jobs. what you practice for a job or for a hobby could be shamed upon by others.

❖ libra 9th house - your way of escaping this torment is to be a diplomat. you find self-discovery through friendships and making in-depth connections with others (could also be romantic ;>). making connections with people outside of your circle sets you free and maybe creating businesses or some sort of monetary partnership with them is also possible.

❖ scorpio 10th house - with great power, comes great responsibility. people are jealous of how well-liked you are by others, or they’re just jealous of your skills and smarts. you inspire others to make use of their skill sets and talents amongst others and to find power within each ourselves. in my opinion, this rising has one of the most distinct setup of houses out of the rising signs, of course each sign has a unique flair to their setup though. for being shamed to your work ethic and skills (virgo 8th) to becoming someone of great power and status (scorpio 10th).

pisces rising: 💫

❖ libra 8th house - you may have had trouble with your relationships or friendships. people shame you for the way you make connections with others, your charm. accessing venusian subjects such as romance, music, etc.. we’re very transformative for you and you could possibly profit off of it. someone who doesn’t like to be tied down by their connections.

❖ scorpio 9th house - you reinvent yourself in order to escape these painful experiences with others. it’s kind of ironic how in the house of the heavens you have to go down to hell to find your own heaven. facing your fears and own personal struggles is what sets you free. this definitely isn’t easy, but it is what will gain you greater freedom. your belief systems and faith could all be about about transformation (and maybe they themselves change a lot as well)

❖ saggitarius 10th house - after going through all the pain, you’re someone who spreads the optimism and perseverance that people need in order to get through life. you spread your wisdom amongst others and come off as someone who is wise as well. you inspire people because you project an image of happiness even though you’ve been through so much. from fearing personal connections (libra 8th house) to someone who isn’t afraid to give in-depth knowledge to others at large (saggitarius 10th house)

✿ hope you enjoyed! let me know what you want me to post next :> ✿

[vampzzz64]

Mob is most likely a blood player because of how important the people in his life are to him. He represses his emotions and psychic abilities because he is afraid of hurting Ritsu again and because Tsubomi became bored of him. No matter what he always thinks of others before himself, so much so that he literally will not fight back. Only when he is in his ??? does he become the aggressor. Even then he struggles against himself and begs those around him to hurt him so that he can stop hurting them. He is extremely trusting and caring. He sees the good in those around him and actively tries to release that goodness. During his fight with Teru he does not fight back and gives Teru advice. He tries to help Teru before he helps himself. He guides and he leads. He gives his abilities to Reigen briefly because of how much he respects, trusts, and believes in his master. He would do anything to protect the people he loves. Shigeo is selfless. He would sooner let himself bleed than anyone else.

Similarly to Roxy, a rogue, he harnesses his aspect and gives it to others. However, similarly to John, an heir, he has immense power that he gains through his aspect. Shigeo puts his all into remaining passive and in a sense “good”, and in extension into his aspect. Shigeo is a blood player that embodies his aspect.

Ritsu is a void player because of how often he is overlooked and perceives himself to be less than Shigeo. No matter how grand his own achievements are, they’re nothing compared to what Shigeo can do. He is constantly mistaken for his much stronger brother. He thinks he exists only as mob’s underwhelming little brother. Ritsu somewhat resents Shigeo for having psychic abilities when he doesn’t. He wants the one thing he can’t have more than anything in the world. He hates the emptiness that is his life. He tries to fill the void by studying, playing in sports, joining the student council, etc. He’s like a black hole in that way, mindlessly consuming but never able to be satisfied.

Similarly to Eridan, a prince, Ritsu aims to destroy his aspect with a deep hatred towards it. Once he unlocks his psychic powers, he immediately gets a massive ego. Being self centered is seen in princes. Both Dirk and Eridan think the entire world revolves around them, albeit in different ways. Ritsu is a destroyer class and Mob is a passive class. They couldn’t be further apart from one another. Throughout his arc, Ritsu realizes that he is no better than anyone else because of what he has. He learns to accept being “ordinary”. He moves from despising his aspect to learning to accept it. Initially a destroyer, he ends a “normal” boy. (I say “normal” because he’s literally an esper,,,). Ritsu is a void player that seeks to destroy his aspect.

[mrvenuspluto]

HIDDEN ( 12TH HOUSE SUN ) AGENDA

The soul might feel the power and authority within but cant project it into reality , which can cause self entitlement and distancing theirselves from others and social gatherings . They feel like they cant be seen or heard like their past life experience . This placement can bring an old soul who had many life time experiences and here to live out a last physical experience or not other factors can change up the observations . These souls may find greater outlets , opportunities and like minded souls abroad or in distant foreign lands . For example i have 12th house placement myself , life has been very interesting in a private , ether realm way , at times you may feel distance and alone in a room full of people you know or may not , even close love ones . Your senses are heighten you pick up on things others cant see , hear , smell or phantom . The sun here helps shine light on your subconcious , fears, gifts , talents , habits , and your new souls granted potential and mission . What i learned once you put in good deeds , accept change and live in your new spiritual light and journey you will regain all your positive , attributes , power , respect , and abundance that your soul has been yearning for , but in a new profound light . Balancing material realm from spiritual realm can be difficult for the unevolved and evolved soul , thats why its important to learn thy self , go within , understand , the subconscious realm and hear what its trying to tell you and teach you , follow your soul not your mind your mind and you will open doors you never knew existed . Your light will be like the light house on the ocean shore in the darkness , on a vacant island , where many lost souls end up coming to find answers , knowledge , wisdom , insight and the great beacon of light to help them back on their paths . It may be other people who have 12th house placements with personal planets like mars , jupiter , venus etc .... my opinion they dont compare to having the sun in this house . The sun is your vitality , essence , urge , identity purpose , life force , inner light , true expression ( thats why leo is the sun / 5th house expression ) which gets projected from your ascendant . I look at mars , venus etc... as attributes you use while you are in this body , so when they are in the 12th house its a lost of your attributes , and help from them on a material and physical aspect , but they are used in a spiritual way they are not here to be used physically . Certain placements like mars here could make a soul very frustrated and have alot of repressed anger and energy they cant express physically , and a unevolved soul would be in bitterness and self chaos in their own head , when they just need a self outlet and way to express it mentally , spiritually or doing a good deed that takes their mental strength and inner desire . This also may bring a father that was absent , intoxicated , addicted to something or incarcerated . At first i use to look at this placement as being bad but over the years of learning , self development and understanding this placement , i overstand , the deeper meaning . You are able to focus on you , your mental , spiritual nature , hidden gifts and get a break from material obligations and be of service to others who are dealing with 12th house issues as well , mental illness and depression etc. This placement can make you be a real life psychologist , medium , clairvoyant , clairaudience , claircognizance , clairsentient , i think professor x had a 12th house sun placement the way he could use his mind , and see into future , tap into others thoughts , manipulate things , and energy and know the rest of his students powers and know how to teach them how to control and balance them. remember you are not your natal chart you are you control your own destiny and create your own reality .

[greensimp]

Hey, a friend of mine linked your glasses fanfic with Gyutaro.

I'm wondering if you could do a fanfic with Gyutaro with a AFAB who has body image issues? I don't really like my body that much, feeling like aspects of it are Frankensteined together with my skin having a couple of blemishes and feeling its not the best or "clearest". Doesn't help when my father makes a lot of comments about me being too thin and should eat more, yet being thin is something a lot of girls want.

Sorry if it got a lil personal, but someone who's also near-sighted, that fanfic made me a lil happy to read it knowing my younger self would have liked that.

I definitely feel you, as someone littered with eczema sores and practically snowing from the scalp with psoriasis. I think Gyutaro would be the most understanding of all our insecurities (and let’s be honest he could probably one-up everyone on here)

I’ll try to be as vague as possible with any identifiers for the reader other than they’re AFAB. This includes any specific insecurities such as being over/underweight, skin issues, height, breast size, etc. (if I get requested to do a specific one like I did the near-sighted reader, I will do it tho)

Canon!Gyutaro x Insecure!AFAB!Reader

He’d see you picking yourself apart in the mirror one night, a strange sense of deja-vu washing over him.

He doesn’t remember, since his memories are repressed, but he’d do a similar song and dance with his reflection in a puddle or lake when he was a human. At least, until he discovered he had a talent for fighting and intimidating people. Before his sister became the epicenter of his life.

He’d become angry for reasons he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

You’d tried hard not to let Gyutaro see you this upset or down about your body, but this night in particular he hadn’t announced his arrival at your house like he usually did. In fact, he had wanted to surprise you with your favorite snack and the Kimono you had been looking at in the stores but could never afford. (Let’s just say he “borrowed it without permission”)

“What’re ya doing?” He’d growl at you, making you jump to cover yourself with your blanket and stare at him with a tear-stained face.

Normally the sight of you crying would have him rushing to comfort you, but something was different this time.

Repressed feelings of inadequacy and shame were scratching at the recesses of his memories, tugging at his chest like chains.

The feeling of being a pathetic worm with no one to love him and no one to love.

He hated it, and he’d hate to see it in your eyes.

It was like a disease.

And the cold truth was that it didn’t stop with him.

“I-I um-“ You’d be stumbling for words, mortified that he’d seen your naked body for the first time like this. You’d be trying too hard not to burst into tears to see the nasty scowl he’d be giving you.

“You what? You were just looking at yourself like that for fun? Huh?!”

Your breath would hitch at his harsh tone. Was he upset with you? What had you done?

“What do you mean?!” You’d cry out, but that would only make him angrier. To him, you’re hiding from the problem. You’ve been hiding a part of yourself you shouldn’t have.

You’re being pathetic. Just like he used to be.

“Disgraceful! Disgraceful!”

He’d bring his hand up to his face and scratch it till he bled, leaving you more confused. You’d never seen him so distressed and this self-destructive. It was like seeing you triggered some sort of traumatic response from within himself.

You just stare as your beautiful demon boyfriend shreds his skin to pieces, only for it to immediately heal as if it never happened.

He wouldn’t know to figure it out himself, but he would feel like he failed you. That’s why he’s so angry. He’s not mad at you. He’s projecting his feelings onto you. He thought he made you feel beautiful and loved as he never had. He thought you knew that.

But you’d catch on. At least, you’d recognize that he was about to break down.

Out of sheer love and affection for your sweet upper moon, you’d jump from your blankets and run to him, gripping his arms to stop his assault on himself.

You’d just stand there, in the nude, no longer caring about how your body looked to him. All you would want was for him to stop.

When he’d finally catch your determined stare with his own, frantic eyes, he’d falter and begin to shake.

It would be evident that he was on the verge of crying by how glossy his eyes would get.

You’d bring your hands up to his face to cup his cheeks and he’d gently grip your wrists.

“Why?” He’d croak out.

You wouldn’t exactly know what he was asking about.

I would be a question of multiple answers, though.

Why would you think you’re not worthy for him when he looks how he does?

Why would you think he wouldn’t love how you look?

How could you have such little faith in him?

You wouldn’t know how to respond, but you’d feel a twinge of guilt all the same.

You’d bring your hands back to yourself, hugging your body and trying not to cry yourself.

“Don’t hide. Please.”

He’d pry your arms from over your breasts and place his hands on your sides, crouching a bit to touch his forehead to yours.

You’d sniffle, maybe struggle a bit, but he’d just snake his arms around your waist and hold you tight.

“M’sorry I yelled at you. M’so sorry.”

His voice wobbled enough to the point where you could struggle anymore. You just let him hold you and show you how much he appreciates you through his gestures of rubbing your back and playing with your hair.

Every stroke, every touch was as if he were saying “let me love you how you love me.”

And yes, he would think you were beautiful. He wouldn’t understand how you’d think he was, considering how unfortunate he looks compared to conventional beauty standards.

He’d want you to know how much he loves your body every day from this moment onward.

He’d never let you forget that you have one of the most powerful demons on the planet admiring you from the shadows. He’d be there, even if you couldn’t see him.

And that demon’s name is Gyutaro.

[crystallinestars]

Hey so in terms of comfort I am curious, and feel free to reject, but how do you feel some of the genshin men like Aventurine, Jiaoqiu, Moze, just to name a few, would feel or react to someone they care about (who in turn cares for them) with emotional family trauma/neglect)?

Perhaps they are so used to being a rock for others and repressing their feelings that they feel incredibly awkward receiving the affection and acceptance they deserved back in the day. Perhaps the person is additionally somewhat self-destructive (nihility goes brr /j) and only found purpose in their usefulness to others as a result? ;-; big hug incoming

I can see this being an interesting dynamic especially with it being something so many of the HSR men embody in their personalities, viewpoints, and how they view themselves.

The ask was a bit vague, so I answered vaguely as well. I hope that’s alright. I interpreted this as how the HSR men would react to a loved one struggling with emotional trauma. If I misunderstood the ask, I apologize.

As a reminder, if someone reading this is struggling with a similar issue to the point it’s interfering with their wellbeing, then please seek a mental health professional if possible.

It’s tough to say how the characters would tackle the issue because I think the reactions would differ for each guy. I think for characters like Moze, Aventurine, and I’d say Sampo too, they would be at a loss of how to comfort someone. They themselves struggle with accepting affection and care, so they would quickly recognize similar patterns in their loved one. I also don’t think they would properly address the issue, and just leave things be because they’re not equipped with the skills or know-how on how to comfort someone with such trauma. I think they first need to deal with their own traumas before being prepared to handle someone else’s. They would worry about the person, though, especially if they have self-destructive tendencies. They would probably feel a sense of helplessness and self-loathing at being unable to alleviate the other person’s burdens themselves, but might seek out someone else who could help.

Characters like Jiaoqiu, Dan Heng, and probably Jing Yuan would be better at comforting. They are also people with trauma, but they are on the road to recovery, so they have a different perspective on life from the above group. They’d be quick to notice that their loved one is awkward with receiving affection and not open about their feelings, and realize that they have their own demons to conquer. What they can offer is understanding and acknowledgement of the other person’s trauma. I also think these characters would take a more gentle approach in steering their loved one in the right direction. Things such as talking things through properly, looking out for their wellbeing, helping them find self-worth, etc… They wouldn’t be forceful about it, but guiding instead. If the person had self-destructive tendencies that hurt them, then they would be more firm about stopping these behaviors.

Someone like Argenti or Luka would be hurt by their loved one’s rejection of affection and self-destructive tendencies, and it might take them a while to figure out what’s wrong. When they do, their heart would bleed for the person and they would try to support them in any way they could. They’re not experts on how to deal with psychological and emotional trauma, but they would be a rock for their loved one to lean on much like they have been for others. They would strongly believe that their loved one could get through this hurdle, so they would exercise patience and care with their issues.

I think Welt, and Ratio would also be good at comforting someone with emotional trauma. They have the maturity and wisdom to tell their loved one the words they need to hear, and help them recognize and address their problems. They are not the type to coddle, but they would want to do whatever is in their power to help their loved one lead a more fulfilling life that’s not burdened by their trauma. Their comfort is more practical than emotional, but I think they have the knowledge to help resolve some of what troubles the person they care for.

These might not be what you were looking for Anon, but these are just my thoughts.

[kuroshika]

back on my bullshit with an addition to this post.

so, i established why i believe hannibal still cannibalizes people after he kills them, out of honor for his sister. and that's why he wants to eat will, etc.

but ive been thinking about how that further pushes the whole "we are conjoined" narrative. because hannibal does it out of necessity, will does it because he wants to. will has no reason to eat human flesh and organs and enjoy it at all, he just does it because he likes it.

obsession cannot exist without desire - hannibal's need to consume cannot survive without will's wanting to be consumed. hannibal's need to honor cannot survive without will's desire to be seen and loved as he is.

i think it just plays into will being hannibal's dark mirror; a reckless, self-destructive man with the urge to be accepted and welcomed without question as opposed to a put-together, calculated one who spent years refining himself and creating a different part of himself that solidified his place in society.

im sure somewhere, deep down, hannibal sees will as his opposite, but still as his equal. he met hannibal's needs with the part of himself that wanted to know what those necessities felt like, what being perceived beyond the public eye would look like.

it makes this odd codependency in both men - hannibal needs will to want him and will wants hannibal to need him. that's why hannibal being rejected by will and giving himself up in spite of that was so much harder on will than it was on hannibal.

hannibal knew will would come for him. he was very, very sure of the fact. will, on the other hand, did his very best to distance himself from it all. he married and had a child, a perfect suburban life that his appealed to his projection. but he wasn't fulfilled, he wasn't complete. there was something missing. he couldn't tell if hannibal needed him anymore. he'd promised not to think of him again, but he wanted someone to need that part of himself that he repressed so badly that it was nearly impossible.

hannibal had already proved without a doubt how much he needed will, and that's what will wanted. he wanted to be needed, to be useful for nothing but companionship, to be loved by someone desperately, and he got that from no one.

alana saw him as a broken teacup, something for her to try and fix. jack and beverly saw him as a tool to close cases and help the forensics team. margot saw him as someone who could give her an heir. molly saw him as only the projection he showed her, and didn't ache for the other parts the way he needed.

nothing fulfilled that ache quite like hannibal "it took divine intervention to stop them" lecter.

will wanted hannibal to need him. he wanted to dine with hannibal. he wanted to step inside him and think with his brain, see with his eyes. hannibal was drawn to the fact that will wanted that, from him, and the obsession stemmed from will's first few words to him - i don't find you interesting, dr. lecter. his need for will to want him was brought on by will very clearly beginning to reject his becoming in their earliest meetings - hannibal needed will to want more of him and will wanted hannibal to give him more.

i think that's why, furthermore, that hannibal wants to try and protect/honor will the way he couldn't mischa. the worst thing he can think of in regards to losing will is not death, but being unwanted.

that's why the cliff scene makes sense too, hannibal letting will push the two of them off the cliff instead of pulling will down with him - it was will's choice. he could die with hannibal or he could let hannibal go.

and he chose hannibal.

@lesbian-hannibal @craqueluring @7x16pm @shatteredlesbian

[typologyinfo]

ENNEAGRAM TWO INTRODUCTION

Two believes they’d be loved if they are helpful to others. Their objective in life is to be important in people’s lives.

Their (unconscious) fear is being unneeded and dispensable.

SEEKS: ATENTION (TO BE LOVED) By giving themselves to others and presenting a caring nature.

COMPLIANT TO: OTHERS' NEEDS “You don’t have to do this alone.” “How can I make myself useful?”

2s do not acknowledge their own vulnerability and neediness : they convince themselves that they don’t need anyone. At the same time, they believe they know best how to meet others’ emotional or practical needs, using this as a way to repress or reject their own.

Healthy 2s are assertive in offering support and empowerment, enjoying finding meaning in it. They actively contribute to the growth and happiness of their loved ones while respecting their autonomy. They recognize and communicate their own needs, understanding that their well-being matters too.

Average 2s struggle with setting boundaries. They might intrude, become pushy or overwhelm others as a way to to feel needed, which create a sense of dependency and possessiveness. They may overextend themselves, suppress their needs or negative feelings, believing that their value lies solely in self-sacrifice.

Healthy 2s possess strong emotional intuition, and use it to understand and meet others’ needs or expectations. They are generous with their time and energy, offering care without expecting anything in return. While still optimistic about people, they have learned to be more selective in how they offer themselves.

Average 2s enjoy helping others but unconsciously seek validation or love in return. If they feel unappreciated, they become passive-aggressive or even openly angry. They might be tempted to use their emotional intuition to manipulate others, ensuring they are needed, loved or praised for their efforts.

Healthy 2s use their interpersonal gifts to foster positive and productive interactions. They take on active roles such as hosting, mediating, advocating, leading, etc. Alternatively, they may focus on strengthening emotional bonds with loved ones, putting immense effort and dedication into their relationships.

Average 2s struggle with social insecurity, shame and fear of rejection. They go to great lengths to remain relevant or liked in social settings or personal relationships. They might crave for love and seek out for intense but superficial connections yet still feel lonely, depressed, and empty.

-----------

🔔 This is an introduction to the world of Enneagram. Stay tuned to my blog as I'm gonna explore each Enneagram type in depth in the coming weeks. 🔔

[sotogalmo]

2 — 4:44

Post made with the fact that @geospiral placed Ivan in Silent Hill, so now I get to Moonscorched him since I have this crossover au of Funger & Alnst

Anyways!!! So that's the gist of it. Moonscorched!!

Moonscorched forms are that of inner thoughts becoming reality (inner thoughts being how you see yourself, what is your guilt, etc. ei: becoming your worse you— what you fear to become). So, Ivan; self-deprecating, masking and such. What he thinks he is, will turn true when he moonscorches. — I'll preface this honestly, that I'm not too deep into his character because there are others; @ivanttakethis , and other great people who have broken down his character well. I'm only doing this for fun basically. (Ivan already has too much going for him, and I'm not much of a fan of him actually-)

So with that there; this my idea of Ivan's moonscorched form! (I highly recommend seeing my other post of this idea but with Luka).

In all honesty, I was somewhat thinking of.. smth smth his whole deal in some way reminds me of some school girls? It might fit all that well and is possibly not even correct, but in some way I think in the modern au he'll compare himself to a schoolgirl in the way he deals with crushes I think???? — But again, maybe this can be translated in same way of how Levi's moonscorched form is like: naked and very underdeveloped- (the same idea I have for Luka: being a child entertainer from the moment he was born). For this reason is because of how school girls are, and how generally childish Ivan is. Underdeveloped in the sense of him repressing a lot.

And with that. I can mess around with the masking theme he has; maybe I can translate that to old Roman comedian masks (sad & happy masks made out of clay I would presume). He'll follow the whole doll theme that is heavily in Luka's moonscorched form: Marionette Doll (Marionette being a title, Doll as an affectionate way of saying his title).

But with some of this, and how much Ivan has repressed I think he'll say that this form of his would be the most idealized/best version of who he is. He's repressed, to make sure the majority and the entire world has been ruled by aliens to like him. He's the best; quite similar to Dysmorphia (Samarie's moonscorched form). But it's also, Ivan who knows that something is wrong with it since he acts most freely with someone he likes (Till). And he wants to get to know him, but he pushes Till away because of the mask he's been raised in.

His form would be a mix of "this is the best of me" and "something is wrong".

How his form looks, would be a bit of a jester I would think; it goes well with the mask idea. He's childish, made for entertainment, not really a doll but helps in social status since in the canon Alien stage he is in the top 3 (being 3), and fandom wise he's a fan-favorite (especially "freaky Ivan"); a dessert after a very long buffet.

His face would be like Sango from Ikigusare idols (famous song/well known song being: Injection girl). Three eyes, one on the right one in the middle and one on the left; close to watching from every side. Not fully. Close — which will go with the idea of him being one of the well-known and well- liked pet humans in Alien Stage. Possibly an eye on his chest, where his heart should at. / Right being happy mask, left being the sad mask. The middle is neutral- like Giant; having his head split.

Maybe he can have a red hiding hood look to him? Being prey and being used by someone you trust who's really the worst (wolf hiding as grandma; guardians). Or it can be twisted in the sense of being prey to being seen. To being perceived; to have your secrets spill out. So you hide it in a cloak of red- they aren't fully off of you. They control your life since you ever seen of it, red is what they like! Or, it can also be mimicked as a cone for when Dogs get their shots and such. Blinded in a sense, restrained (not the same as Luka's form visibly having a collar to it; Ivan can get out. Luka can't).

In another way, he can also be like a chimera of sorts. A mismatched bottom half. Who knows though, since he'll lightly have his skin being shown (skin being pulled apart to somewhat have it like wings? Like the Blood Eagle but from his back since it's more easy to him from behind then, the front).

I think he would have four sets of arms. The front set being close to his chest to hide his vulnerability and his weaknesses, and then the main ones being seen are towards the viewer or in some promotional art pose.

And, to go with the "pet" theming that all of the Alnst characters will have when teleported to the world of Fear and Hunger (since I have Luka with a blue-lipped green pit viper snake); I believe a black Labrador dog is fitting for Ivan, in a more masking sense. Ivan (possibly, maybe only half) believes that he does his best as a pet human; Labrador retrievers are excellent family dogs, as long as you keep in mind their need for exercise and training. These are dogs bred to work and work hard and they love to have jobs to do, particularly retrieving. But not fully, since he remembers more flaws than good traits he has. He's excellent. He does his best, but he wants to retrieve something he has lost; his meaning for life — it goes along with his sad mask.

And, the dog theming; in a more somewhat literal metaphorical sense- the type of pet he is in alien stage is akin to a dog. With as much as he went thru, he feels as if he's only a dog for entertainment but truly feels like a human that is understood with someone he likes (that being Till again. A bit of a reference to a lyric? "I'm a dog and you're a god, or you're a dog and I'm your man").

His face would be like Sango from Ikigusare idols (famous song/well known song being: Injection girl). Three eyes, one on the right one in the middle and one on the left; close to watching from every side. Not fully. Close / He has a cone around his neck which he can somewhat easily get out of to show his face, but the only face we see is the middle one (the neutral one). / His lower half is that of a dog, but also seemingly humanoid- naked and underdeveloped by how his dog half is childish in some ways (and how he himself is childish). But not fully naked, as his dog half has fur to cover it and it seemingly is reminiscent of newborn puppies. / He back is exposed in a manner similar to the Blood Eagle, a wheel or a pin is holding his skin back by some unforeseen force (a nod to a puppet imagery). / His arms are covering his chest where there is an eye on (where his heart should be at), but also seemingly showing himself off.

And, if he were to be in-game I believe some of his words/sayings would be similar-ish to Dysmorphia in the sense of "radiating". Not finding himself to be, but talking about stars and shooting stars, and how bright they are. How you are his star, his North Star.

His name, I believe would perhaps be a virus that is mostly associated with dogs? Not rabies, but something that affects dogs a lot more than other animals or people. Kennel cough maybe? Bordetella bronchiseptica; but only Bordetella in the 'border' 'tell ya' way. Hiding but also speaking- if that makes any sense. / Bordetella bronchiseptica deals with the respiratory track in dogs, and so maybe it can connect to the fact that Ivan can't really say what he WANTS to say. Always being hidden by a cough, before he says a lie or anything star-related.

[mkhyemi]

hello hello hello! i'm kalo (21, she/her, est) and this is hyemi! she does NOT want to be here, but surely her time at lumera will shape her into a perfectly suitable magickai... right??? until then, she just has to be the disney channel movie character who somehow missed the chance to say "no mom... this isn't my dream, it's yours..." and follow her real passion. tbh, that hasn't even crossed her mind at all! so she's simply accommodating herself to what's expected of her and will continue to do so until she either learns to like it or she dissipates into the ocean or something... three cheers for repression! a more detailed delve-into hyemi can be found below the cut! it's been give or take 2 and a half years since i last did this whole rp thing, so please bear with me while i shake the rust off! (and while i finish up with my semester... lol) i'm very excited to write and have a fun time with you all! feel free to give this post a like and i'll pop into your ims as quick as possible for some plotting!

profile | bio | plots (empty links will be filled when finished ;;;)

hyemi is the youngest daughter of her family, her mother is an untrained magi (her companion died fairly early after her powers awoke), her father is a human, and her older sister is also a human.

her mother is essentially living vicariously through hyemi's becoming a magickai, to the point where she moved with hyemi from ulsan to seoul so she could enroll in the memoria of seoul. very pageant-mom vibes. hyemi loves her mom though and is very much reliant on her approval, which is what led her to her compliance re: enrolling at lumera and pursuing life as a magickai.

in reality, hyemi isn't too thrilled with the premise of being a magical soldier, no matter what fancy kind of name it's given. she's very envious of the more normal kind of life her older sister is living back home

her companion is a hedgehog named needles, who is a big pain in her ass and only adds to the pressure to get serious about her training. hearing feedback from someone who knows that all of her studying and training is essentially a front hurts a little more than she'd like to admit, especially considering it's coming from an animal that can fit in the palm of her hand. suffice to say, they don't get along very well.

regarding her powers, her control over them is very finicky, and is very easily swayed by her emotions. please anticipate finding her half-submurged into the ground or various walls. to counteract this somewhat, she tends to wear wetsuits or other swim-shirt adjacent items to help keep her in one piece, to middling results. at least it stops her clothes from getting wet? #styleicon. her minor power lets her turn whatever part of her that's water into ice, but she mainly just uses this to punch things a bit harder. she's admittedly no strategist.

her fighting style is very upfront. her powers aren't conducive towards offense on an especially grand scale, and fit more towards the role of a facetank, as her water form absorbs most forms of pain.

on that note, has been taking boxing and self-defense lessons since the awakening of her powers (she uses it as stress relief, but it has synergized with her up-close fighting style and the fact that her weapon is a pair of gauntlets)

maintains a very packed schedule both to distract herself from her general sense of dissatisfaction but also to exert some form of control over what she's doing at lumera (ie: her classes, her extracurricular lessons, hiking club, working at soap and suds, etc.) she's very particular about her schedule and about punctuality in general!

on a social level, hyemi is very much a people-pleaser, and thus takes great pains to not show off her frustrations with her current lifestyle. however, this leads her to be evasive and pretty resistant to forming substantial connections with people... whoops! she tends to shape her behavior to fit with other people and is definitely more of a follower-type than a leader-type. however, her temper is a bit of a ticking time bomb at this point (though, the fuse is pretty long!) so it probably will all blow up in her face eventually. hopefully it won't all land on the wrong target?

some quickfire connection/plot ideas!:

anyone who also attended the memoria of seoul! study buddies/academic rivals/etc.

you think her power (or rather, her lack of control over her power) is hilarious, and try to devise increasingly outlandish pranks/ways of catching her by surprise to watch her collapse into a puddle. (whether this is friendly or antagonistic is up to interpretation!)

someone to help her work through her newly-developed fear of large bodies of water

bad(?) influence: or otherwise someone who wants to break her from her rigid routine-based way of living

she's a caffeine fiend, so if your muse either works at or also habitually visits the coffee shop, they could hang out there?

sparring partners / work out buddies

[dyke-bars-never-last]

Lesbian Love & Relationships with Leaf and Firewalker | Women's Liberation Radio News Edition 94, commentary by Sekhmet SheOwl:

Lesbians arrive to romantic relationships whether they are life-long never-het lesbians or ex-het late-blooming lesbians, but the baggage of their individual childhood and young adulthood experiences, the effects of misogyny and sexism they've weathered as women and life-long exposure to anti-lesbian sentiment within their society and culture, that's a hell of a lot to unpack and heal. And just like any heterosexual, bisexual or asexual woman, if you don't do the healing, you're probably not going to create the experience you really want of romantic love. Lesbian romantic relationships aren't perfect, of course, but their potential to approach an ideal romantic experience are incredibly high, assuming the women involved have worked on themselves as individuals enough that they don't unintentionally sabotage their connection.

It's become cliched online, especially among women, but it's nevertheless true, self-love has to be your priority. Self-love is the foundation of the best most successful romantic relationships regardless of your sexuality and it's also the basis of a high-quality satisfying life. What does self-love even mean though? I've learned that it means taking care of yourself as your top priority, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That's why healing the wounds of your youth, your past traumas and losses is an act of self-love, perhaps the most important act of self-love. It is these previous experiences that fuel our core beliefs about ourselves, other people, love and romance and life. I think it's safe to say that most if all women reach adulthood with deep-seeded feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, low self-esteem and self-hate. Growing up a girl in a woman-hating world will do that to you. Being raised by a mother who doesn't love herself will do it too.

Lesbians who grew up aware of their lesbianism, the ones who knew from early girlhood and came out in adolescence or even earlier, are likelier than their late-blooming counterparts to arrive at womanhood, having experienced anti-lesbian prejudges, abuse, rejection from family and friends, and a deep sense of social isolation, all of which leave lasting emotional and psychological marks.

Late-blooming ex-het lesbians have a more obvious history of internalizing anti-lesbianism and that doesn't just disappear over night once they come out.

All of this, the poor self-image, sexism, hetero-sexism etc. inevitably affects the way a woman shows up in romantic relationships, how she approaches them and the treatment she accepts from her partners. It's easy to brush off experiences we had as girls or young adults, dismiss them as ancient history and irrelevant to our present lives, especially if we don't spend much time remembering the distant past and emotionally reacting to it. But so much of our beliefs and emotions are unconscious, it's amazing how unaware of your own feelings you can be. These buried, unresolved emotions and the distractive beliefs they perpetuate in the psyche, are why so many lesbians struggle with chronic illness, mental illness, substance abuse and general unhappiness. It's also why some lesbians have a hard time finding and maintaining happy romantic relationships.

Time alone doesn't fix anything. Only doing the work will heal and change you. Healing in personal development work take many different forms and you probably need to use more than one method. The right kind of therapy, self-help books, mindset work, grief work, life-coaching and spirituality are all key tools we have at our disposal. Feminist controversy around therapy aside, I urge lesbians to do whatever it takes to process and heal from their girlhood trauma, their young adult trauma, their repressed feelings and their negative opinions of themselves. The younger you do so, the better, but it doesn't matter how old you are. It's never too late to do the work and it is always worth doing. Regulate your nervous system, examine your beliefs, identify the ones that harm you and do whatever it takes to replace them.

If you've been listening to this podcast or if you've been into radical feminism for a while, you should know by now that one way patriarchy prevents women from fighting for ourselves and seizing power is keeping us disconnected form each other. Lesbian relationships are the ultimate union between women, the ultimate challenge to hetero-patriarchy on the social level. So it's important for lesbians to succeed at their romantic relationships, politically, not just for their own happiness. That doesn't mean lesbians should feel pressure to make their romantic partnership work for the sake of feminism. The point is, there is political reward for straight men in the failure of lesbian relationships. At the very least, it's a rhetorical bar[?] that they can weaponize against lesbian relationships. Men do it all the time online, attempting to convince women that same-sex partnerships between women are even less likely than heterosexual marriages to deliver lasting happiness.

While being a good partner and creating a successful romantic relationship is up to individual lesbian, because her personal development and healing are her responsibility, the only reason she has healing to do in the first place is patriarchy. Internalized misogyny, mother wounds, internalized hetero-sexism, limiting beliefs about love and oneself as a woman, PTSD, and depression and anxiety, all of that comes from hetero-patriarchy. The system makes it as hard as possible, not only for lesbians to be themselves, but to love each other successfully. Damaged self-hating women can't pull off long-lasting happy stable partnerships. They don't have the standard they should have in romantic relationships, which is why opposite-sex attracted women tolerate what they tolerate from men. So many women don't even feel worthy of consistent love, commitment and excellent treatment, that's how hurt they've been as girls.

I want lesbians to have the superior romantic love and commitments they deserve. But even more than that, I want them to have the most self-confidence, the most self-esteem and the most self-love of all women. Luckily, taking care of the latter guarantees the former. If you're a single lesbian, good, now is the time to work on yourself, no matter how hard and even painful healing yourself might be. I guarantee it's the only way to get the best of what life and romance have to offer and it's so much easier to do the work when you're single. If you are a coupled lesbian who hasn't yet healed and resolved the past or established a rock-solid loving relationship with yourself, you, your partner and your relationship can only benefit from you taking care of yourself. Don't put off another year.

I wish all lesbians in the world the romantic love you desire and the joy of loving, adoring and caring for yourself.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the lesbians listening and best of luck making 2024 the year that you show yourself love!