#essay? written

[blueskittlesart]

i think we all collectively moved on too quickly from hyrule warriors

[k9effect]

Tiktok's censorship of words like rape, kill, murder, abortion etc. etc. as well as censoring hard to hear topics, over the past few years has deeply contributed to the sanitisation of the internet and therefore directly resulted in the birth of "fandom purists" and the destruction of old fandom culture (the death of "don't like, don't read", "ship and let ship" mindsets as well as safe spaces for dark and "immoral"/unethical storytelling i.e "dead dove: do not eat") in a way that has fundamentally changed the mindsets of people who are new to fandom spaces and now view these such topics as wildly inappropriate for any social space as well as deeming anyone who is intrigued by them narratively or creatively as "immoral" and a bad person. In this essay I will

[dunmesh]

never getting over mithrun accidentally creating the right circumstances leading to senshi's resolution after all those years in the dungeon and then chapters later it's senshi who unintentionally gives mithrun the final push towards accepting his new life. cheers to helping each other heal from one's trauma without even getting to know one another

[loverboyfae]

although humbert humbert is the kind of stereotypical image of a pedophile (does what he does because he’s attracted to children (though i mean unreliable narrator he could be lying)), lolita is SUCH a good text to childhood studies with. like humbert retains power over delores by telling her that he is her only guardian, and that escaping her would mean winding up as a ward of the state where she will be treated even worse. he uses the power he has over her and specifically draws attention to the fact that he has so much power over her because society leaves her completely powerless; were she to go to the police about him, she wouldn’t be able to choose to take care of herself or choose who gains ownership over her in the future, so she might as well stay with the guy who rapes her but at least buys her things

the tragedy of her ending, then, in part is the fact that the only person she could manage to go to for help is someone who will also sexually exploit her, but (at least she believes) less than humbert will. her school notices that she is struggling, but the only recourse they have or even seem interested in is informing the guardian who is causing the abuse, a very common issue for abused children in schools. as much as conservatives hand wring about schools taking over their parental rights, they really have nothing to fear even now into the modern day, as only the most blatant and obvious child abuse can be addressed without involving parents; every other action schools have available to them is to consult the child’s owner, their parent(s), first and foremost. nobody in a child’s life, as lolita reflects, is able to materially aid a child without the parents’ permission or else they are breaking the law. as such, delores’s only chance for escape was to go with a man fine with breaking the law, and that wound up being another pedophile.

the criticism of systems of power in lolita is criminally underdiscussed, but a lot of that is also because criticisms of systems is often glossed over in most discussions of csa. people are somewhat aware that pedophiles, like other rapists, are more interested in power than attraction, but the imbalance of power between child and adult is fully naturalized. while obviously some aspects of that are innate (the physical difference, for example), there is also plenty about that difference in power which is socially and legally constructed, ESPECIALLY between a child and their legal guardian, who retains ownership over them even above the child’s own autonomy

[edlucavalden]

Man one of the most important things to me in dunmesh is when kabru cuts down mithrun's story to be more digestable

Not only does he cut things out to make it more coherent, but he also cuts out the personal parts

it shows that kabru not only listened to him but empathized with him to know that he was being unnecessarily vunerable for his own good. And by doing so, he gives mithrun something that makes you human, back; his privacy

He understood him enough to know which parts were personal and which parts should be said. Twisting it enough so that mithrun can get the benefits of opening up while also keeping things private. You dont need to say everything in order for them to understand. It's ok to protect yourself.

Kabru really didn't need to do that. He really didn't. He was only given the role to take care of Mithrun, but he chose to be more. Him helping mithrun wasn't one out of responsibility or obligation but one of choice. This subtle act is proof of that.

People who love you take care of you. even when you dont ask for it, even if they didn't need to. They do it because they want to, and they choose to take care of you. Thats whats so important to me

I love the meta touch to this too. While thistle's and Marcielle's intentions for being the dungeon lord (and by proxy, their personal motivations) were explained in the narrative in detail.—

Mithrun didn't. His fears, wants, insecurities are never explicitly said to us the audience throughout the entire story, even in the extras. (The only reason we were able to understand is bc of subtle hints and context)

The scene where Mithrun fully opens up. It cuts to Kabru's thoughts and starts talking over his monologe, only leaving the parts we need to know. This is the narrative's way of respecting mithrun's privacy. And by proxy, the audience respecting mithrun's privacy. Again, the narrative couldve easily gone more in depth, it couldve shown more—it will change literally nothing. But it chooses to do that instead.

We arent immune to boundries just because we are an omniscient reader. Courtesy is not conditional.

Which is really telling when you realize the most direct personal information we receive out of mithrun was from the information page about the winged lion

How violating...

[shrimpy707]

if beast has no fans i’m actually dead.

this duo will forever have a place in my heart they are so important to me

i love them i love them i love them i love them I LOVE THEM.

[imbiactually-28]

as someone who has taken a few greek myth/history courses in university, i just want to say that i’m so happy that they took the kleos route in the new pjo show.

in all the myths, with achilles’ and heracles’ being the most prominent, kleos/eternal glory drives why they do what they do. they want to be recognized by others for their feats for as long as possible

without spoiling, with clarisse, luke, annabeth, grover, and percy’s story lines it really makes sense cause they’re all trying to find their own kleos

[mysicklove]

CW: aged up character, making out, ppl in love, yuuji is taller/bigger than reader, mentions of sex and NSFW content, word vomit, bad writing bc i wrote it on my phone and didn’t edit it

Yuuji Itadori found making out to be on of his favorite ways to pass time. Sex is great an all, but something about the way your mouth locks with his his, your tongue grazing his teeth while your hand creeps up his shirt just sends his head spinning. The raging boner he gets in his pants is a little uncomfortable, but sometimes if he’s lucky you’ll run your hand over is, pulling a shiver from the boy.

Making out is easier than having sex, no body fluids to clean after you are done (although, he does find himself occasionally cumming in his pants either way) and all the two of you have to really do is fix your hair, and pretend like the room is a little too hot to explain your red, panting faces.

On one second your on top of him, hands in his hair while he’s groaning into your mouth, and the next Fushiguros there, rolling his eyes at Yuujis love sick expression for you. It was great — the switch up was thrilling.

You seemed to like it as much as he did, which almost made him feeel giddy inside, akin to schoolgirl, embarrassing enough. You don’t see a problem of shutting the apartment door the second the two of you arrive at your place, and attacking his mouth.

He doesn’t mind being the one pinned to the door — it may be a little embarrassing considering how much larger he is than you, but you don’t seem to care. Your tongue slides into his mouth without a warning.

It’s a mess of limbs and teeth and saliva, but Yuuji wouldn’t have it any other way. He likes that it’s messy — it’s hotter that way, or so he says, usually after with a massive grin on his face on his red face. But for now, he grabs your chin, tilts it up, and mimics your movements.

Your body is pressed against him on the wall, and he can feel your lower stomach touching his groin, sending shivers up his spine. It’s almost unconscious the way he drives his hips toward you, humping your body to gain some friction of his now hardening cock.

You don’t pay it any mind, cruelly enough, not pulling away from his mouth even with the lack of oxygen between the two of you. But Yuujis stumbling forward, accidentally moving his body too much to be controlled and pulling himself away from your mouth.

He doesnt go far, panting with hazy eyes and red lips, before pressing quick kisses to your mouth while trying to catch his breath. He’s leading you backward, littering now your neck with butterfly kisses. “B-Bedroom.”

You guys make it to the kitchen before your on eachother again like magnets. He lifted you up on the counter, loving to show how easy it is for him to lift you — he’s prideful in his strength, and does like to show you in subtle ways like this. But you don’t mention anything, and he knew you wouldn’t, especially since now his shirt was off and yours was soon to come.

His hands are around your waist, and his mouth moves with rhythm, pulling groans from the both of you until he breathes the words, “love you” into your lips, not caring if you heard, because he says it a multitude of times anyways.

But you do, and giggle a breathless laugh, gripping his hair and pulling it back just to hear him moan. Your hands run over his abdomen, tease his chest, and then finish back at his jaw. “Me too,”

“Bedroom?”

He takes off your shirt, pulling away to lock his mouth on your chest for a moments worth, knowing that you won’t be pleased if his lips don’t find yours again soon. You nod at him.

The two of you make it to the couch before your pants come off.

[goofbell]

mystic messenger 2024 compilation

[tsururoach]

you ship ryomina because ryoji is a disaster of a bisexual. I ship ryomina because of the beauty of a suicidal boy that can love life enough that death can agree.

[thresholdbb]

I'm a Kai Winn apologist but not because I think she's a good person. She's a compelling tragic character

[redrobinsrobbingrobin]

Each Robin is a direct reflection of attitudes towards the youth, racism, sexism and treatment of other minorities during their run. Each of them have a distinct character, from beginning to end of their individual run, which is represented in their original characterisations and those that they have been built upon, and can actively provide sources for attitudes towards minorities, women, and the youth during their time period and this should be more explored and more people should use comics as a way to explore attitudes and media of the time because it is an active reflection of the world we are/were living in at the time. In this essay, I will-

[sunlightnmoonshine]

It's very interesting that queen of tears is playing so hard into the "these characters were born to love each other" notion. It's repeatedly empathised (and although in a comedic vein) by haein and hyunwoo and in their inability to let each other go no matter how hard things get. At the same time with the flashbacks to how they were each other's first loves and how the osts really point to the two of them being the "one" for each other, it really speaks to how much these characters were meant to be in each other's lives, essentially soul mates, destined to be together.

What's refreshing though is that they said okay you two might be soul mates but that doesn't mean your relationship doesn't take work and that you are going to drift so far apart that it's going to feel like love no longer exists between the two of you. They said hey, being destined for each other and having to still put in the effort to make your relationship work are not mutually exclusive and should never be because that's not how the real world works. But hey, put in the effort, talk, listen, learn, and grow and you'll see why you two were born to love each other.

[ludinusdaleth]

would it really be so bad?

SILAHA/Corellon in Critical Role Campaign 3, Episode 100, "Downfall Part Two" // Vax'ildan in Critical Role Campaign 3, Episode 114, "Battle for the Bloody Bridge"

[abnomi]

EVERY REASON (that i can think of) AS TO WHY TURBO/KING CANDY IS NEURODIVERGENT 💥💥

i would like to make a disclaimer first and foremost about the obvious, being that Turbo/King Candy is heavily implied to have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Very often, characters with these disorders are portrayed as villains, and Turbo is no exception to this. There's nothing wrong with antagonistic characters having said disorders, per se, but when the only representation available for people with these conditions are found in characters you're not supposed to root for, it can be really disheartening. i won't be erasing these parts of him because i feel it would be in poor taste to gloss over those core elements of who he is, but plz keep in mind that having any kind of personality disorder doesn't make anyone inherently evil!!!🌞 your ACTIONS make you, not your brain

Also if anyone has any suggestions or other ideas for his neurodiversity, i would love to hear them! please do share!! I LOVE PSYCHOANALYZING CHARACTERS AND HEARING OTHER PEOPLE PSYCHOANALYZE THEM !!!! YAY🎉 if u agree or disagree with any of my points I'd love to discuss them further :-]

without further ado... click read more to find out…😈 be ready for a lot of reaches

💥 ADHD 💥

STIMMING

Turbo's constantly moving around in some way; he's a very expressive character! even as King Candy, he can't seem to conceal his frequent giggling. it's a big habit of his; he seems to do it involuntarily to regulate himself, including when he's nervous or uncomfortable.

he seems to display other repetitive behaviors as well, like doing his iconic thumbs-up pose, sticking out his tongue, or hopping around gleefully. he is but a jovial court jester..

i personally like to think that his phrases, "Turbo-tastic!" and "Have some candy!" are vocal stims of his, although i equally really love the interpretation that these (and the aforementioned stims) are tics :-]

another headcanon; i think it would make a lot of sense for him to have an oral fixation of some sort (ignoring the whole sigmund freud part of the term ermm...); just lots of biting, chewing, needing to have something in his mouth. It would align with the whole idea that he smokes, too

HYPERACTIVITY

we can clearly see throughout the film that Turbo has a lot of energy, made abundantly clear by his mannerisms and general behavior. he's constantly moving, using exaggerated expressions and gestures to communicate + express himself. He's one of the most animated and bouncy characters in the movie, next to Vanellope! it's silly how a character not very grounded in reality is such a threat, but i suppose that's what makes him so threatening in the first place...

another factor in this is how he is very adrenaline-seeking, craving activities that give him a rush (sugar rush...😂😂). more on that in a bit!!

HYPERFIXATION

Turbo's fixation with winning is all-consuming for him; it's an obsession. he doesn't appear to care about much else, if anything besides it. this could be interpreted as a hyperfixation for him (or special interest if ur all about that autism lifestyle), as it overtakes all of his focus and impedes every process of his mind.

it's clear that racing is much more than a passion for him, and while that fact is due to how he was programmed, it's a major character trait of his regardless that could be correlated to neurodivergence.

HYPERFOCUS

There seems to be a big theme of "all or nothing" when it comes to Turbo. he will either be fully dedicated to something or brush it aside without a second thought. it can't be denied that he fully wraps himself up in what he wants, whether it's a conflict he can't let go of or a new pursuit he's hungrily chasing after. 

ultimately, his dedication varies depending on if it is relevant to him and his interests or not, but this aspect of him still shares patterns with neurodivergent thought processes.

INSTANT GRATIFICATION

Seeing as he has a tendency to cheat in his use of code to spawn in whatever his heart desires, it can be assumed that this could do with Turbo wanting instant gratification to fill that bitter, empty void inside of him. while this could simply be brushed aside as greed and his belief that he is obligated to have access to whatever he wants, this trait is consistent with his generally dopamine-seeking behavior and wanting to be instantly rewarded by his actions. His obsession with needing to feel good directly relates to his need for another buzz, constantly after the next rush. (a sugar rush if you will☺☺☺)

ADRENALINE-SEEKING

Closely related to the previous speculation, Turbo always seems to be chasing his next high. he loves the thrill of action and being surrounded by crowds of people below him. it's why his big thing is racing! people cheer him on, he can do whatever he wants, he can go really fast and look cool..

it's possible that a big aspect of why he does this is to distract himself from any kind of pain, because pain = vulnerability. bro does NOT know how to independently cope with his own problems.. HE MAD AS HELLLLL!!! 😂😂

STRUGGLE WITH SELF CARE

(i know this is reaching but bear with me... 🐻) going off of his appearance and tendency to make poor decisions, it can be gathered that this man lacks skill in the self care department. his yellowing teeth and sunken eyes not only serve to complement his design, but also give way to the idea that he neglects himself in favor for whatever weird scheme he's up to.

of course, Turbo does prioritize himself above everyone else, but he doesn't strike me as the type to care much about how others think he smells. him being a bother to anyone isn't a concern of his. he cares about whatever gets him the most praise and attention from as many people as possible, which is winning and racing. Who cares about how clean he is when he's up on a podium holding a shiny, golden trophy, anyway?

It's likely that he had to step his game up when he went under disguise as king candy, which is why he looks well-groomed in comparison to his more corpse-like appearance. Ugly hoe. it can also be assumed that he's had more time to focus on himself because everyone loves him without question... Well, except for Vanellope, but who cares about her, right?

also, i know he makes a condescending comment to Ralph about how bad his breath smells, but it's made abundantly clear that Turbo is a massive hypocrite. his comment doesn't erase the possibility that he has suffered from such "halitosis" as well.

💥 ANXIETY 💥

GENERAL ANXIOUS BEHAVIOR

i know, i know, this could technically be chalked up to be "Turbo is nervously giggling and shit because he's scared of getting caught," but guys. g

even in the flashback scene, we can see how easily stressed he can become in an alarmingly short period of time. he is extremely insecure, therefore i am led to believe he is not only emotionally dysregulated, but also by extension, anxiety ridden.

yes, this is purely speculative, but who's to say that he wasn't like this before? being high-strung and intense are significant facets of his personality consistently portrayed throughout the film. as long as he is getting exactly what he wants, he is happy; the moment he loses even a blip of control, however, he immediately grows extremely tense.

if Turbo wasn't anxious about his disguise as King Candy before, he was anxious about how much attention he was receiving on a given day. if not that, then he'd be anxious over how he presents himself. He hates how he can't control how other people perceive him, which is why he is constantly trying to act like he's better than he is.

its why he justifies his behavior to himself, proudly making others refer to him as the "rightful ruler" of sugar rush and relishing in the attention of his countless underlings. Any secure and stable person would NOT ACT LIKE THIS!!!!😭😭😭

FIGHT OR FLIGHT

As we can see a handful of times on screen, Turbo's instinct to protect himself is very easily activated.

 his fear manifests in anger and aggression. we can see at multiple points how easy it is to upset him or fluster him; his anger is one side of the same coin, the opposite end being his fear and paranoia.

Going off of this point, have you noticed that Turbo is either satisfied or furious without much of an in-between? how the second something isn't under his manipulation, he lashes out and fights back? I'm led to believe that this is how he responds to fear (AAUAAYAUUUUGGHHH 🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡). This guy is so against the idea of being vulnerable, that even when afraid, he will utilize violence to regain his dominance over the situation at hand.

CONTROL + PARANOIA

Turbo's always trying to writhe or fight his way out of uncomfortable situations, unable to exist outside of his comfort zone for seconds at a time.

his defensive, paranoid, and controlling behavior are all reflections of how deeply insecure this man is. He feels such an intense need for everything to go exactly how he expects it to go that the moment he senses any kind of threat, he instantly jumps to defend himself and what he feels that he has "earned," regardless of whether there truly is a threat or not.

this could potentially be a coping mechanism for his anxiety and sense of stability; can't forget to mention how territorial he is!! he jumps to conclusions about what others' intentions are before they even get a chance to reply, as seen with his first encounter with Ralph in the movie. 

the racer is so internally discombobulated that he seeks any sense of stability on his environment, including on those around him. his sense of self is so warped that he copes with constant distraction; being under the spotlight, being actively racing, having to be showered with attention, having others make him feel good because he doesn't know how to do it for himself. he needs to feel like everything is under control, lest everything falls apart.

"...if there's ONE thing I can't abide, it's ANYTHING out of order!"

💥 NPD 💥

INFLATED SENSE OF SELF IMPORTANCE

Turbo's most in-your-face trait above all else. It's made more than crystal clear in every scene he's in that his arrogance is a determining factor in how he interacts with others. This is exactly what drives him to desperately crave admiration, to chase after others he's envious of because he thinks he is obligated to take what they have.

he seems to genuinely think he is entitled to get whatever he wants, just because he is inherently "special" or "better" than everyone else. Why else would he have made himself a king, a step above princess?

EXCESSIVE NEED FOR ADMIRATION

Turbo's self worth is COMPLETELY dependent on the opinions of children and teenagers. I think i don't need to say any more than that, but i will. (Evil).

As cartoonishly massive as his ego is, i think that it's fair to assume that Turbo has a very unstable sense of self, distorting his perception of his own worth down with it. his near-constant flaunting and need to be the best is a dead giveaway to his deeply-ridden self-doubt. The foundation of his stability is built around how "good" he is (at racing and winning), how powerful he is, whether or not he is being prioritized above everyone else, whether or not he is the absolute best, etc. etc.

The racer outright manipulates others to shower him with admiration and undeserved appreciation. He is incapable of forming a true sense of internal value, instead heavily and codependently relying on others to form it for him. if he isn't the best, he may as well just be nothing.

INTENSE JEALOUSY

He reacts so severely to what he perceives as others taking away what is rightfully his that it only goes to solidify my previous points even further. the second someone else is getting more attention than him, Turbo will bend over backwards to rip back the praise he believes he so rightly deserves.

being extremely competitive, he will one-up against anyone he thinks of as a threat, dedicating himself to taking them down to the best of his ability, and making sure they STAY down to top it all off.

INABILITY TO HANDLE CRITICISM

if we really dissect the entire one-off joke with Turbo insisting that his stolen pink castle is actually "salmon," along with all of his other domineering behaviors, we can garner that he is very persistent in how he wants others to view him. i wholeheartedly believe that this would translate into him not only being defensive over his supposed "ownership" of Sugar Rush, but also over himself and his own insecurities.

He needs to feel good about himself or else he will die and quite literally try to kill everyone.

LACK OF EMPATHY

He appears to have a fondness for making jokes in very poor taste. Turbo has a big sense of humor, but it's always at the expense of others. Be it a pun about a "fungeon," or jumping to protect himself with a joke about "hitting a guy with glasses," he has a tendency to take serious situations very lightly. It's not that he's unaware of the weight of it; he simply doesn't take it Seriously.

its admittedly impressive how he was able to feign empathy so well for Ralph; it goes to show how he is very capable of understanding that what he's doing is wrong, but ultimately does nothing to change his behavior because it doesn't impact him personally. 

i would like to honor this part of him, because even in the possible alternate path of a redemption arc, his struggle with empathy can be explored in a variety of interesting ways :-] he can understand complicated emotions and situations on an analytical level, but he doesn't feel for them unless it has to do with him specifically. (this obviously doesn't make him inherently evil, his ACTIONS make him evil)

💥 ASPD 💥

LACK OF REMORSE/GUILT

One of Turbo's core characteristics is just how far he is willing to go for his own self-interest with lack of regard for how it impacts everyone else. he has absolutely no concern for how anyone else feels besides himself, willing to go so far as to attempt to mutilate a 9-year-old to achieve his petty goals.

Turbo is shameless when it comes to how he goes about getting his way. While I'd like to believe he isn't fully incapable of feeling regret, he doesn't showcase feeling it in the movie itself. The most regret he'll feel is when he slips up and exposes himself. anything else is the fault of everyone else; he is untouchable in his eyes.

DECEITFUL TENDENCIES + LYING

Where do i even start with this one.

well, first of all, let's acknowledge the... erm, horse? in the room? 🐎😅(Please someone help me there is a horse in my room help helphel) being that Turbo went under disguise as King Candy for at least a decade. Even before this, there's a good chance that he's already had plenty of experience with lies and manipulation. i'd be willing to bet on this!!

one of his specialties is being proficient in manipulation, be it the code of games or the minds of people. theyre basically the same thing to him, anyway... I'm sure you all know the scene where he uses 16 manipulation tactics against Ralph and wins. this was Obviously not the first time he'd done this.

REPETITION OF HARMFUL BEHAVIORS

Time and time again, Turbo can't seem to help himself when it comes to poor decision-making. he never internalizes that his bad choices aren't JUST bad for others, but also for himself, continuing to escalate further and further into very dangerous behaviors until he literally dies.

Here's a list of bad decisions he has made! (at least, that we know of)

Pinning himself above his peers

Harassment + stalking

Carelessly charging through GCS with his car, endangering countless civilians

Attempting to take over a game that isn't his x2

Vehicular manslaughter

Implied mass murder + attempted murder, attempted mutilation

Mass endangerment

Breaking and entering, theft, usurpation, plagiarism

and more!!!!!!!

AND HE LEARNS FROM ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS!!! with some of the items listed here, he's attempted to do multiple times! Absolute buffoon.

RECKLESS DISREGARD FOR SAFETY OF SELF AND OTHERS

Considering how he was willing to charge into a game that wasn't his own with the awareness that it could permanently kill him, going as far as to recklessly crash into another car (albeit it's possible this was unintentional), it's easy to gather that he doesn't seem to consider anyone's safety at all in the spur of the moment.

IMPULSITIVITY

his impulsivity and disregard for safety both go hand-in-hand. When it gets to a certain point, Turbo's emotions will boil over and blow up in a cold rage, thus causing him to spiral and act on impulse, becoming a detrimental force to himself as well as everyone around him.

What's interesting is how much restraint he is capable of; he typically is very strategic in how he orchestrates his plans! but once he reaches his breaking point, he snaps and leaves all of his hard work behind in favor of something that calls for his immediate attention.

💥 ETC. 💥

extra tidbits i didnt have enough energy to fully delve into :-]

BPD

Fear of abandonment

Blurry sense of identity

Feelings of emptiness

Self destructive tendencies

Emotional instability

Explosive anger

ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)

He seems so infatuated with his own autonomy that he gets to the point of being resistant and defiant

Resisting against the rules of the world that he directly caused as a result of his own actions, being that one shouldn't "go Turbo."

Enjoys upsetting/getting a rise out of others. this is more speculative as i am going off of the assumption that he thinks pissing people off is funny, based on his other behavioral patterns. (cruel sense of humor, wanting to feel above others via control & manipulation, enjoyment of inflicting pain onto others)

Forcefully defends himself and refuses any kind of criticism

Lashes out when he feels slighted

Excessive persistence despite all odds, whether it's beneficial to him or not

ok bye!! thank you if you managed to read this far ^^ peace and love take care of yourself! all in all turbo is so neurodivergent ok please Okay <3 get this thing his meds

[hydrus101]

I just keep thinking about John today.

Of course he would take the reset. Of course he would want to do everything he could to keep himself in Arthur's good graces. Of course the character that has spent all of last season feeling weak and useless and distrusted and replaced when before he had been Arthur's everything, his anchor, his guide, his partner, his only friend in all the world, of course he wouldn't want any more strife after years of it spent away in the Dark.

And even then he hesitates. He doesn't want to. It feels wrong. But he reasons, but he thinks, but he convinces himself that this is the best way for things to go. Though for a moment, John listens to Arthur, to the man he has looked to time and time again, the needle to his moral compass, and he hears him tell him "no".

And then, he turns away. Hastur's heart looks instead to his mind, and it condemns him.