#there are essays to be written abt them but not today.

[dunmesh]

never getting over mithrun accidentally creating the right circumstances leading to senshi's resolution after all those years in the dungeon and then chapters later it's senshi who unintentionally gives mithrun the final push towards accepting his new life. cheers to helping each other heal from one's trauma without even getting to know one another

[coridallasmultipass]

.

[chasedeys]

do you write any rpf, like on Ao3? I’m new so idk if you’ve posted about it or not but IM LITERALLY OBSESSED with your answers to any anon ask. I would read a whole ten page essay from you about joemarr and im not joking. anyways, i love anything you post!!

hiiiiii loveeeee, thank you for liking my thoughts on joemarr!!! kind of self conscious abt it honestly bc im drawing up conclusions abt them technically without any basis but yeah 😭❤️ (also english is very much not my first language so i struggle to word things so saying you'd read a 10 page essay from me is very <33333)

i have written and posted 1 (one) fic and its a ja'marr gets nipple piercings fic lmaooo and opposite to the way it sounds it's not even horny or even tender horny its just like full of love and devotion ahaha no but really don't expect much please

some extra under the cut wkwkwk

SORRY BUT im taking advantage of this ask to add a whole unfinished 2k- jumble of another fic i was working on but probably won't finish bc the lack of full understanding of how contract and free agency works and like refusal to actually research shit bc i get stupid sad thinking about it so:

Joe stares down the stretch of the field, Ja’Marr standing by the rest of the receivers laughing as Chuck and Andrei try to playfully (....maybe) murder each other via sumo wrestling moves that are definitely not regulation. He’s just wearing tights today for bottoms–so the delicious tautness of his thighs are free for Joe to gaze hungrily at. Truck, 30 yards in front of him very patiently waiting to catch his warm-up throws, has cleared his throat three times in the past 45 minutes for Joe to tear his eyes away from Ja’Marr Chase and throw the damn ball.

It’s torture. It’s love, devotion.

It’s disgusting levels of Down Bad.

(joe gets introspective throughout practice post ravens lost yada yada they go back home, joe invites jamarr for sudden cheat day meal at like 2 am)

Ja’Marr shows up in his front door bleary eyed and sleep rumpled. He’s decked in thick flannel pajama pants that absolutely do not look cheap, dark grey geaux tigers hoodie with purple LSU letters that clashes with the red of his pants, last season’s bengals beanie that also clashes with the rest of his outfit colors, and gucci slides…that also clash with the rest of the outfit. It’s a mismatched sort of vulnerability that twists up Joe’s insides. Here’s his north star wrapped up in all the things Joe cherishes.

Ja’Marr turns up his nose when he finally finishes yawning right at Joe’s face and notices Joe with his raised eyebrow looking up and down amusedly at his outfit.

“Shut up,” he says. “It’s a 2 am non-party night. Like hell I’m dressing up pretty for you.”

Ja’Marr’s always pretty to Joe, but that’s fine.

“I didn’t say anything.” Joe replies back, moving to the side so Ja’Marr can drag his feet inside the threshold, “I don’t judge you for your fashion taste.”

Joe cleverly dodges the foot being kicked back to his side. Amazing reflexes, of course.

“Where’s this hearty meal you promised me?” Ja’Marr just talks loudly over the dig Joe makes at him.

“On its way. DoorDash says it’s 7 minutes out.”

“Did you get extra cream soup?”

“Yeah, of course.”

(yada yada some banter some cute shit wanted to describe them sitting in joes billion dollar custom renovated kitchen that i would stress out is 'modern and kitschy' with different shades of pink for accents)

He’s been making insane catch-and-runs, Joe reflects. Offers to his agent would be stacking up starting next year, his last year in his contract with Cincinnati.

“It would be easier.” Joe says, throat cramping. “If you want to trade.”

Ja’Marr’s hands stutter and his stupid little butter knife clatters to the table.

“What?”

Joe darts his eyes to the other man, a millisecond glance and he’s gazing back to his ice cream. The receiver’s voice had been harsh, choked up in surprise. Joe feels his insides curdle even worse.

“Just–” he starts, a mess of thoughts jumbled in his head, “if you wanted to. I would understand. Your stats are amazing. If Duke’s still gunning to be an idiot and wait for your contract to dry up before resigning, you can–”

Here he pauses. Saying things makes it real. Saying they’re not a championship level team made him want to gouge his eyes out. Saying how Ja’Marr could leave him would possibly end his life as he knows it.

But Ja’Marr deserves to know Joe won’t hold him back. He refuses to. So:

“If you want, you can sign up for free agency. Next season.”

Well.

Ja’Marr’s face is heartbreaking to see. Joe feels the corner of his mouth drag down, his eyes are fucking burning, his throat is closing up, his hands are clammy, his ears are ringing, his neck is cold but his head is on fire.

“Do you–” Ja’Marr starts, but his voice is cracking, so he has to start over again. He’s scrunching his eyes shut and his mouth is quivering and Joe feels like he’s clumped up dirt under a needlessly expensive boot. 

Twice this season now he’s caused Ja’Marr to look like this. At least this time he’s not pushing him physically, but with the way Ja’Marr’s trembling all over this might just be worse. God, Joe can’t even blame being in Kansas City for this. This time, Ja’Marr isn’t hiding from the thousands of eyes scrutinizing him from the bleachers, from across the field, from the houses of unknown fans through LED screens. The agony is clear in the widening of his eyes and the curl of his mouth and the crack of his voice. 

“Do you not want me?”

Just the barest whisper like Ja’Marr’s vocal cords has up and left. Joe feels insane thinking of the heart-clenching anymore? Ja’Marr doesnt say.

Joe’s mouth falls open but no sound comes out. There isn’t a single universe in the hypothetical collection of potentially diverse multiverses Joe believes in, that a Joe Burrow wouldn’t want Ja’Marr Chase to stay by his side. But would saying this to the other be right? 

He takes too long to answer. Ja’Marr’s face shuts down, going cold.

“Wow, okay, fuck you.”

Joe flinches back at the viciousness of the curse. He has never once in his life been the direct recipient of Ja’Marr’s brand of tiger claws defense, teeth sharp, no mercy. 

“I cannot believe you. I thought we were fine now! We’re on the same page again! I leave that contract bullshit behind, you fixed your anxiety over your wrist, but, what, another fucking shitty pick and you don’t think I got it anymore? Fucking free agency, shut your stupid fucking mouth, Joe Burrow, before I do something I regret.”

Joe’s hands automatically flashes to settle the plates rattling when Ja’Marr abruptly stands up and slams his hands to the table. He’s looking up at him now, still sitting down on the bright pink stool in his billion dollar kitschy kitchen with Ja’Marr Chase looming over him in fury.

“I followed you here! To fucking Ohio. I hated the idea of even stepping foot in this state before I fell in love with this fucking city! I did it because of you! I have said multiple fucking times that I’m not leaving you. I said to the fucking media that you were like a god to me, are you fucking kidding me? I bullshitted my way through all those disgusting interviews trying not to say the wrong thing and still having people say I’m stalking you or some shit because I can’t help word-vomitting over you! I have been this fucking close–” 

Ja’Marr shoots his right hand up right in the space between them, pressing his thumb and pointer finger so close the skin whitens.

“–to saying to fucking Hobs that I’m ass over tits in love with you! And now you’re telling me it’ll be alright if I leave? That it'll be easier? Just because, what, this stingy ass poverty franchise doesn’t know how to handle its players unless they’re you? That we keep losing even when you throw fucking bullets and I run across the entire fucking field from endzone to the endzone for 60 points? Joe Lee Burrow, I swear if I loved you less I would kill you.”

Ja’Marr finishes his rant with another slam on the table like he needs one more outlet for his anger. He’s heaving breaths, tears running down his cheeks (god, no), face all twisted up. Through Joe’s frozen state, he could see Ja’Marr’s face pale rapidly as he fully realizes what he’s said. Mouth always running a full minute over his brain.

God.

Joe stands wobbly quick when Ja’Marr stumbles around the table towards the kitchen doors.

For all that Joe unashamedly lies over how fast he is–(’i am fast, ja’marr. I can outrun you.’ ‘be so for real right now.’)–he can never outpace Ja’Marr. But for this one thing–this one thing–Joe slams against a blurring Ja’Marr and uses the momentum and extra inches and pounds he’s got over the man to cage him against the nearby fridge.

Ja’Marr yelps as his back rattles against the fridge doors, magnets and receipts and photos and post-it notes not trapped between him and the door fall to the floor. One of those brightly colored humanoid magnets slam against Joe’s left toe. A polaroid of Joe and his Mom somehow balances perfectly right on top of Ja’Marr’s head before fluttering away when Ja’Marr shakes his head in furious disbelief. His beanie had fumbled off his head in the initial tackle, lying on the ground right next to Joe’s right foot. 

Joe’s left hand is pinning his man’s right shoulder against the fridge door, hips flushed against him, a leg between his thighs, right arm tucked against the side of Ja’Marr’s waist, face right up against each other like every other overly enthusiastic helmet slam in the field after a ridiculous yard run–but there’s no helmet this time, and there’s no reason for Joe to hide how his eyes slide down the length of Ja’Marr’s face to his lips, letting his gaze linger deliberately long.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Ja’Marr blusters, cheeks going deep red, eyes pinballing widely over Joe’s own features (to his lips even! how exciting.), hands curling on each of Joe’s elbows with his nails biting down through the thick fabric of his sweatshirt over his skin. “What, are you going to hit me? Break my heart? You already did, asswipe, no need to be an annoying overachiever this time! Get off of me, I swear–”

“I don’t want you to go. I never want you to leave. Ever.” Joe cuts him off brutally. Let this be the firmest truth he’s ever said in his life. “I asked you to come here. I always want to play football with you. I always want random midnight DoorDash dinners with you. You keep saying insane shit about me in interviews, have you heard me talk about you? The last KC presser I had to hold back saying I hurt you in front of 50 people sitting down with their laptops open looking at me like I’m a bug to study. I have never been normal about you. You drive me insane, stop staring at me with those cow eyes. Who the fuck lies about dressing their friends up in magazine interviews? And that fucking photoshoot! Were you planning on killing me? Tee sends me your Instagram training pics from back in May like once a week to torture me! I nearly blocked his ass, Ja’Marr, shut up.”

(like. i want the speech to be more?? idk more emotional in the confessional aspect but alas i don't know how to write shit out)

Ja’Marr looks back at him wide-eyed. He hasn’t really said anything throughout Joe’s turn of ranting, but even so Joe needs him to shut up, genuinely. This beautiful, beautiful man doesn’t know Joe loves him. Stupid. Stupid.

“Ja’Marr.” Joe says, low and hoarse. He slides his hands up to cup at his cheeks now that Ja’Marr isn’t pushing his weight back at him. The wetness of his cheeks from his previous tears seeps into Joe’s skin. “I love you.”

“Oh, wow.” Ja’Marr just says back, hoarse and dumb. This man, Joe swears.

Whatever.

Joe kisses him hard and gets dizzy with it. Ja’Marr chokes in surprise, but gets with the program quick enough.

The side of his nose presses against Ja’Marr’s, he’s biting at his bottom lips, his lashes brush against the cold wetness of his cheeks, his hands press hard against the side of Ja’Marr’s neck and he feels like he can count each heartbeat against the tender skin of his wrists pasted to Ja’Marr’s jugular.

“Hi,” he murmurs over his man’s lips, heart feeling so fucking full.

Ja’Marr laughs against his lips incredulously, eyes screwed shut and lips stretched stupid wide. The prettiest thing Joe’s ever seen in his life. Insanely, he feels that if he were to play all 12 games of the season left this morning right after separating himself from Ja’Marr, he’d throw over 300 yards each. Things love could fuel you to do–winning a championship of a sport he’s thrown his entire heart in, with a man who’s gripped it tight since he knew how to throw it to him too.

“Dumbass,” Ja’Marr murmurs back, nudging his nose to Joe’s for the softest nose kiss Joe has ever experienced, “hi to you too.”

ok bye

[emeliejeannie]

last chapter of "Open my eyes" today :(

it's been so fun following this fic, geeking, freaking out, almost having multiple heart attacks, all that fun stuff. so when it comes out later tonight (it's nighttime for me) I will try and write an "essay" on it. my thoughts, feelings, etc. and it will probably be on this post, so look out for that. (now under the cut)

this fic is so well written. everything comes together so smoothly!

I adore the pure ACCURACY of these characters. the entire time I was reading, I went "this is SO them!!!" I just love the way Bugga writes, man.

Cerise made me want to strangle the screen! so good, this is how you make a character dislikeable in a good way.

and also! I didn't think this was possible, but ofc, Bugga does the impossible yet again. she made me LIKE FELIX. the people who know me know that I can't stand that dude. but Bugga changed my mind somehow. it's so mind blowing how just writing alone can change someone's mind like that.

I felt so sad for AdriChat, my poor baby. he's been through so much, and I hope the show will address this in S6 like Bugga did here. there's so much to unpack, and she did it all in just a 15 chapter fanfiction... FOR FREE. I would pay to read this if I could. I doubt the writers will accomplish anything even remotely close to this masterpiece. Adrien's reactions are so realistic for his character, so justified. I could feel his anger and sadness when reading, and I understood every action and thought. he was so great here.

and Marinette... my favorite girlfailure Marinette.

she's so accurate the way she responds to things. Marinette is ACTION, she doesn't think much before she goes through with things. she fails sometimes to consider "what would *person* want in this situation?"

example: Guilttrip with Juleka and Rose, the s5 finale (lying to Adrien to avoid hurting him), Mr pigeon 72 with Kagami, etc.

she's so focused on trying to protect the person or make them feel better that the thought of putting herself in their shoes slips her mind. that doesn't mean she's selfish or emotionless. just that she tends to get tunnel-sighted a lot.

(there's a post abt that, which explains it pretty well by @parismystere, here: https://www.tumblr.com/parismystere/665795662618771456/marinette-is-sympathetic-adrien-is-empathetic)

in conclusion: I love this artwork so much. everything is so... just 🤌🏻, I could kiss it if I could. thank you so much @buggachat for sharing this with us.

BRB, about to re-read Open my eyes now.

[tasteleeknow]

Hi! I am wondering do you read romance books and if you do what are your fav tropes/ books/authors? Thanks for providing us with such amazing steaming hot fanfics <3

omg your timing.. i was just thinking about this earlier today. i read a lot or i usually do but i haven't since i started writing in september. practically all my free time goes into writing at the moment.

i've had lots of different phases with romance though! i think my most recent was historical romance and then i had a reverse harem (one woman x multiple men) phase before that. they were always like soulmate au but theres like three men and each one fills like a different role like one was puppy and soft and one is tsundere etc etc you get. i've also read all the typical mainstream ones like court of misty and fury (winged dark soulmate who is all soft inside sigh also i think its chapter 52 ??? reread that a lot).

the most recent historial romance i've read was kerrigan bryne's victorian rebels series. the thing about the romance genre is you have to get past the titles and book covers to find gems hfdj. anyway yeah some of those just hit the spot for me. historical romance is really good for like forbidden romance vibes ya know lots of pining. also i literally cannot leave out pride and prejudice. the book and the 2005 film are my comfort media.

i think in terms of like common themes i like it's usually like a dark on the outside but soft on the inside love interest who basically ends up borderline obsessed with the heroine but it isn't toxic ya know? lots of pining required hfjds i actually had like a dramione phase for awhile (even though i've never read the books and don't actually care abt harry potter) because of the dynamic a lot of authors write them with. he's all dark and brooding and he ends up really soft and like desperately in love. 'manacled' is a fic on ao3 which has really dark themes but has some of the best writing and plot and characters i've read in fic (or in general). but yeah BIG trigger warning, read all the tags first. i could rec a lot of fics in that pairing that are really good even if you are like me and don't care abt the original source material at all.

i'm realising i've written an essay. i really could talk about this forever lmao i'm sorry!

[bowlerhatwearer]

This is something that came to mind today after i watched a reaction video of TADC ep 2: How much do you need to do for your audience to care abt your characters really? cus like, you probably heard complaints along the lines of "why should we care about a character we just met" or "character who we don't know much about". but like, for me personality I can get easily invested into characters, and I doubt I'm the only one. so what gives?

this sounds like something from a video essay but I'm certainty never gonna make one

Greetings Annoyingheartenthusiast :-.)

How are you doing and how are things going for you?

Whether a character is liked or not, I have to admit is a mystery to me mysel, I am always surprised what characters get, and don't get popular in media. Sometimes a character that was intended to get popular, ends up being disliked, while a random background character gets instantly loved.

But, I believe there might be a few reasons that speak for a character getting popular.

For example, a character that stands out, might it be due to their backstory, design, their personality, character etc. gets often liked / easily gets popular.

Then of course it also depends on the audience, sometimes the people who enjoy the media, just prefer Character B over Character A, despite A being, the protagonist or one of the main characters.

Something else that comes into my mind right now is how sometimes the villain gets liked more than the hero, due to their backstory, or again, their design with the fans maybe believing that the villain is better explored or written as the hero.

What is also interesting is, how sometimes a side-character, who was only meant to appear for, one episode / one chapter, gets very well liked, with sometimes the character being lamented when they no longer appear or are killed off, because of wasted opportunities, from what I have heard and read.

I believe that, you can try as much as you want to make a character popular, in the end, the fans decide whether they like them or not, and sometimes it is the character you are least expecting, turns into the fan favorite.

Often personal/individual affinity also plays a big role whether people care, or don't care for a character.

Something I wonder and theorize about is, that, a character has a better chance to be liked, when they act more natural...and relatable to people, when they can maybe associate themself...or a part of themself with said character, or said character is at least sympathetic / makes them feel sympathy.

I also can relate to you Annoyingheartenthusiast , I easily get invested in characters, even if they are just a background or side-character, which is why it often saddens me when they eventually vanish, or get killed off.

Since you have mentioned the second episode of the Amazing Digital Circus, I have to admit that while I haven't watched the series yet, I have seen, that from what I have noticed on my dashboard, a lot of people appear to like the Candy Crocodile that has appeared in Episode 2 ^^

[canarymemories]

21 + 25 for izumi and leo!!

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

that's such a good question and i've been thinking abt this today bc i don't think there is something that is like. my Most Favorite thing to do with them, little things maybe, but idk if it's because i haven't written them much lately (haven't written much of anything lately rip) that i'm really sat here like um,,, i think something that's fun to write with izumi is physical affection. neither of them are really good at voicing their thoughts or feelings and sometimes i think about meowzart's debut fic (trio) and there's a lot of just little physical affection moments from izumi that live in my head (be free and write ur self indulgent fics guys, it's so nice) (plus i have thoughts abt izumi and physical affection but it's 1 in the am and i need to be up early so. that's for another day ig). trying to figure out leo's is so,,, you'd think i'd have more to say abt him w having a whole lot written centering around him (looks away from symphony). i do like the concept of him learning how to write music again or maybe not so much learning, but letting himself go back to that. i just think he's a little silly goofy too and he's fun to use to create plots that are a little silly goofy like the nui izlo i've had on the back burner since august (i'll finish it eventually, i promise). as for what i don't like, that's an even better question. i'll get back to u on that lmao

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

i don't remember if i said it here (i think i have. maybe (has a horrible memory)) but fun fact, i didn't like either of them when i started enstars lmao didn't really like knights as a whole but. then they crawled into my brain and never left. so way back at the end of may last year, the usa mv came out and that, unironically, was my entry to enstars. i knew engstars was coming out soon so i decided, bc i had nothing better to do quite frankly, i would watch the anime. this decision made me very much not like izumi for a while asdkhg leo i don't remember having any real like thoughts towards him, i think i was just kind of neutral. i like to think we all know how i feel about them both now 😔😔 (i love them both dearly and would die for them both. could probably write essays about both of them)

ask game

[allherfaeriesmeetinjuly]

this week recap because it is absolutely necessary

mon: good day actually; every monday is. got a beautiful scrumptious breathtaking 8 in science class, FULL MARKS !! edited 4 english the whole night. pajama day

tues: morning 4:20; finished editing for english — having trouble sending the file to dr. not showering, yet. so sleeping sideways on the bed and then showering 2 hrs later, at 6:50 am. late but not really, i had a field trip that day. science cooking field trip — made pad see ew and spring rolls really well. went out to feed some fish, got my matcha latte, played cards, went back to school, slept next to Her, mandarin ASA + gossip, finished the written proposal becuz apparently i forgot.

weds: career day! slept at 2 (early) dressed as a “writer” CAS day or service action day. went to my class and wrote some meaningless poetry + journaling. went in the library and talk w Her and LV. made some posters. bought canva pro (cancel it before next month!!) boring assembly, talked with them much more.

thurs: character day. dressed as wednesday while LV as enid. love finding people w different styles tbh. very cool day. did absolutely nothing.. ooh! had a conversation abt AI in education and how that affects future career prospects. played card games. downloaded restaurant dash or gordon ramsay is surprisingly nice but like nice nice in this (he does not talk like that.) took vids and pics, i cannot deny it anymore i am turning into those taking tiktoks in the bathroom and occupying all the space girlies. ♡

friday: today! we’re having a gender reveal party apparently, a birthday shower (theme)? rcl is the mum. i wore pink for the festivities (girl). i don’t get the gender binary thing but oh well. ITS A GIRL (update). (also update) I GOT ALL 8’S FOR MY VIDEO ESSAY !!! YES!! i’m so happy so so definitely proud of myself for all the hard work i did. it paid off so well. i love u. also played a ton of card games <33. lana’s ocean blvd how can i forget??? i forgot my headphones so i literally cannot wait to go home to listen to it omg i’m so excited. also I LoVE Her. can u make me forget? i love her.

[doyouremem8erme]

hello followers. tumbrinas. nerds and losers of the jury. buckle up.

A teenage girl stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2023, is the day she will start reading a 8000+ page webcomic as the latest of many attempts at doing so over the years...and finish exactly one month later, deeply changed forever.

yeah, homestuck, you say. the one with the little leetspeaking gray skinned aliens that have been the plague of conventions for years. yeah that includes the sharpie bath incident. the one that truly broke the internet with a single animated update. why would i bother drowning under classpects and quadrants and buckets and convoluted timeline bullshit, you ask?

let me tell you about homestuck.

on most of my many attempts at reading this, beginning around 6th grade at the pleas of a longtime friend, i never got past the first act and a half or so. oh, its silly internet humor and wacky video game shenanigans, id say, get bored, and close the tab. push through. there is payoff. and what is that payoff, you ask? homestuck is very hard to summarize concisely, and possibly impossible to summarize without spoilers, but heres my best attempt, somewhat paraphrased from a video essay i watched on youtube. skip if you wanna be convinced through other means, although there will be further spoilers beyond this.

four online friends play a video game together. the video game brings about the end of the world and the only way to survive is for them to enter the world of the video game. it turns out that the goal of the game is to create a new universe! however their game session goes very very wrong and they have to go about resetting their game and their whole universe in order to stop it. they also meet 12 internet trolls along the way, who are actually aliens from another universe who played their own version of the game and created the kids’ universe through it. after a 3 year journey escaping their game session to avoid being erased in the universal reset, the original players and the trolls enter a game session where theyve been swapped places with their ancestors. all the groups of players across iterations of universes then have to work together to stop several powerful villains who have risen to power over the course of the story.

i say this first not because it is a glaring issue outshining its worth of any sorts, but as a warning to those particularly avoidant of this: yes, homestuck has flawed language in its earlier acts. it still feels weird to heap it in with the other "problematic media" on dni lists because while not an excuse for it, thats an uncomfortable product of the time in which it was written. i know that the unofficial collection has settings to remove slurs and derogatory language from it, but its not at all like its the bigoted work ive seen people assume it is. watching homestuck grow from containing these hallmarks of the early 2010s to being full of genuinely amazing queer characters is wonderful.

i know my followers. you like gay people? homestuck has plenty. youve got the goth x vampire lesbians. youve got the weird gay kids whose first kiss involved one of their decapitated head. youve got the unhinged murderous bisexual girl. youve got the guy with a whole arc about realizing hes bi and getting a grumpy alien boyfriend. youve got the childhood friends to maybe girlfriends whove like killed and hurt each other but care abt each other so much. before reading, id seen ship art of homestuck here and there on the internet--im on tumblr, how could i not? what i never realized was that these pairings are canon and for the time its from thats just awesome to me. heck, all the trolls are by "default" bisexual, and they dont adhere to human romance norms either.

the way homestuck writes all these characters relationships is so good too! the characterization in it really deserves recognition--hussie has an impressive talent for writing characters with distinct voices, and even when characters could be flat and one dimensional jokes, theyre often given much more dimension than that. the girls get to be weird freaks who sneak around wearing mustaches on or who sniff and lick people while grinning or write gay wizard fanfics. the boys get strong emotional arcs about trauma and relationships. even one character who could be solely an annoying punchline (and still gets bullied by the authors self insert, but like its fine) actually is allowed to have interesting writing and displays growth in some ways. all this to say, while some characters are reduced to jokes that are in bad taste at best (some of the dancestors have it bad), most do get strong arcs. rose and dave have some of my favorite growth in this regard, and its hard to even recognize until youve finished and look back on these characters at the start because it feels so natural and gradual outside of specific catalytic moments for them.

in such a long work with so many characters, there definitely are issues with pacing, but its hard to help when at some points the narrative is juggling 30+ characters. its not painful to read, just long--and the length is one of its strengths in the end. by the time you watch act seven, you get hit by the full weight of everything youve just read: a coming of age story suited unlike any other for the age of the internet. ive never read another story that captures the themes of growing up and what you leave behind in doing so that does it quite as familiarly as homestuck. like any story that does this, it of course takes the ideas and experiences of childhood and stretches them even farther. most people who feel isolated apart from their internet friends havent grown up alone on an island. most people who play games with their online friends dont physically end up in the world of their game or die there or see their loved ones die. most teenagers who are starting their adult lives dont have to lose their old universe and start a new one to do so. but you can feel these things so deeply for these characters because theyre still familiar in a way.

entering a fandom after its prime comes with a bittersweetness. even when i first attempted to read homestuck years ago, its main run had ended in the last couple years, and its peak was even longer ago. homestuck is by no means a dead fandom, though. its so vast that theres a pocket for everyone. theres so many characters that youre almost guaranteed to relate to one, or obsess over another ones themes. you will never ship things normally again, but is that really a bad thing? homoerotic rivalries have never been more fun!

and overall, its just amazing to read. this isnt a post about homestucks flaws, although ive mentioned some as disclaimers, nor is it about postcanon which is. more not great. the balance of comedy and tragedy and shenanigans and drama and truly agonizing angst followed by awesomely epic moments is just. an absolute ride and i couldnt recommend it more. homestuck is laugh out loud funny at times and has even seeped into meme culture enough that i was familiar with many jokes from it before hand, but it handles moments that deserve emotional weight with such. ive sobbed over this comic so many times--i can barely read some dialogue from scenes following game over without tearing up even after reading those moments many times, and some characters are left with such tragedy that it makes me feel emotions deep inside just thinking of them. ive even seen homestuck compared to if a video game character was aware of the cost of every life lost in a failed level--even though characters die and come back to life, those deaths matter to the story and to the characters. it is absolutely wild and it still makes it work.

watching thousands of pages of convoluted time travel and universal bullshit cascade (haha) into place is just so satisfying to watch. homestuck is confusing, hilarious, tragic, complex, ridiculously long, full of gorgeous animation and awesome music, and playing an epic multimedia work full of hours of animation and playable browser games off as a cringe 2010s webcomic is an insult to its genuine value as a narrative work. read homestuck. if you regret it, thats honestly a good thing--it is infectious and just downright so cool. it may be 2023 but it remains true: you cant fight the homestuck. its already here ::::)

should i write propaganda to get my followers to read homestuck

[pepprs]

finished my essay YEAHHHHH BABEYYYYYYY

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (4)

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: ur usual instagram comments, swearing

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, blakelively, dkharbour, and 6,355,977 others

harrystyles HS + Y/I. Out now.

view all 321,764 comments

yourinstagram 🤔

username THE LONG AWAITED COLLABORATION

florencepugh im such a proud mom

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username I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD OF ANYONE EVER.

timotheechalamet I HAVE THIS ON REPEAT

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username i hope you two know that youve helped me so much i dont even know how to explain it in words

yourinstagram

liked by austinbutler, benbarnes, devonleecarson, and 4,805,472 others

yourinstagram a little birdie told me we released hs + y/i today 🧐

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zendaya SO PROUD OF MY GIRL!!!! ❤️

austinbutler ❤️

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harrystyles Alice would love this. Not sure about Jack, though.

username WHOS ALICE??? JACK??? I AM SO CONFUSED

username I JUST LISTENED TO THE ALBUM AND ITS WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, AND AMAZING. YOU BOTH ARE AMAZING.

username first austin, now HARRY????

username THIS ALBUM SAVED MY LIFE

username WHEN HAVE YOU EVER MADE A BAD SONG. THATS RIGHT, NEVER.

ynrrystan

liked by username, and 23,160 others

ynrrystan YN LN seen leaving the airport at NYC just this morning. It is rumored that Harry Styles was seen with her a few minutes before.

view all 5,694 comments

username 2022 IS THEIR YEAR!

username you cannot even see a small hint of jet lag on her face that is so impressive

username is she and harry going to perform?? if so im so looking forward to it!

username I WILL NEVER STOP TELLING PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO HS + Y/I. EVEN IF I DIE

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username it is not confirmed but it is said that they will perform hs + y/i

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yourinstagram

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yourinstagram reminder: this is one night only, nyc.

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username WHY IS SHE SO HOT WHAT

username IM SO SAD I CANT GO WTF I SPENT ALL MY MONEY AT COACHELLA

username harry you are so goddamn lucky to even talk to her omgggg

username YNRRY👏ONO👏LETS👏GOOOO👏

username YALL ARE SO BUSY TAKE A BREAK

yourinstagram believe me im trying to. someones stopping me from doing so

harrystyles You’re making me the bad guy again.

username so fucking excited to see yall tomorrow

username YOU DONT KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF THIS

ynupdates

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ynupdates yn ln and harry styles tonight at one night only nyc!

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username THEY COMPLIMENT ONE ANOTHER SO WELL

username OMG EVEN IF THEYRE WEARING DIFFERENT CLOTHES THEY MANAGE TO FIT TOGETHER

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ynrryforeva

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ynrryforeva one night only, nyc

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username god and goddess

username sometimes soulmates dont need to be romantic

username she played safe and she didnt trip

yourinstagram DONT REMIND ME

username THEY WERE SO HYPER TONIGHT I COULDNT KEEP UP

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username MOM AND DADD

username i had a sore throat after the show

ynupdates

liked by username, and 9,428 others

ynupdates yn ln covers lady gaga’s judas at one night only, new york!

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username SHES THE BIGGEST LADY GAGA FAN I KNOW

username mommy? sorry. mommy..?

username HARRY WAS SO PROUD OF HER

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username actually guys she sang that to me bcs she knew judas is my favorite song

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yourinstagram

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yourinstagram this was one night only, new york.

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username OOOO WHAT A CHANGE OF POSTING

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username im gonna say this one more time… ALL HAIL YNRRY!

username AS YOU SHOULD

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username fruit king

username YALL DROPPED THIS 👑👑

username THEYRE BREAKING THE WORLD

username ON MY KNEES FOR THIS MAN

username THE OUTFITS YALL GAVE US

harrystyles

liked by clairo, kit.connor, maudeapatow, and 7,621,733 others

harrystyles One Night Only. New York. May, 2022.

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username JUDAS QUEEENNNNN

username I WISH I WAS THERE

username SO SO SO SO SO PROUD OMGGG

username i experienced this moment. this exact moment im telling you

username ROCKSTAR BF AND GF

username THE GOATTTT

username the vibes they put on stage that night. i will do anything to experience that again.

username got me crying and shiiii

username THEY LOOKED SO HAPPY ON STAGE I MISSED THEM BOTH TOGETHER

[communistkenobi]

Hey Nick, I was wondering if you had any reading recommendations for ppl looking to get more into political/leftist theory? Ik you've posted a lot about The Authoritarian Personality and I agree with your insights and posts abt it and I'm considering picking that up! But I also wanted to know if you have any other recs besides that? Anyways, thanks so much, and give Muffin a pet for me! :^)

I would recommend reading historical non fiction written from leftist perspectives. I often find that to be A) a more approachable start if you’re not super familiar/comfortable with the more dense and abstract theoretical texts, and B) very instructive in what the actual value of leftist political thought is, how it’s been built and shaped throughout history, and the core contradictions that exist within class relationships. Reading about the Haitian Revolution is a great start, either Black Jacobins or Avengers of the New World (I’ve only read the latter but I’ve heard Black Jacobins is the better of the two so I recommend that one, Avengers was a bit dry). Cesaire’s Discourse on Colonialism essay is also fantastic, I find him to be very insightful (and funny) without speaking in the more dry academic tones you’d find in a lot of other theory. + I think it’s foundational in describing what colonialism “is”, not just as a historical process but as a historical force itself

I would also recommend David Harvey’s work, he’s a very influential marxist geographer and has written a lot about how neoliberalism is expressed in the built environment/urban contexts (+ I think neoliberalism is one of those concepts that’s extremely valuable to understand because it’s the dominant expression of capitalism, and knowing exactly what it is and what it does will be very useful in helping you understand a lot of what’s happening today economically). He also wrote what I believe is a fairly famous book called A Companion to Marx’s Capital, though I haven’t read that one. Everything I’ve read of Marx’s work has been fairly impenetrable, so (echoing advice I hear often) I would recommend secondary sources that either commentate or criticise his stuff. Which is extremely easy to find because everyone is responding to Marx lol

OH also Transgender Marxism is a self explanatory collection of essays on the topic of transness and marxism. I’ve read a couple of the essays in there that I’ve been impressed with, particularly Seizing the Means: Towards a Trans Epistemology and ‘Why Are We Like This?’: The Primacy of Transsexuality.

I can provide you the list of books I’ve bought and intend to read after I’m finished The Authoritarian Personality but haven’t gotten around to yet. A lot of the stuff ive read are journal articles / books that are written specifically to be taught in universities so they aren’t necessarily good to recommend because they can be hard to find/expensive/annoying to read. Although if you do want some recommendations in that vein I’d be happy to share a list + any PDFs I have on hand

Anyway this is what I want to read after I’m finished auth personality:

A People’s History of the United States (I almost always see this on “so you want to start reading leftist theory” lists)

The Jakarta Method (a book about the United State’s anti communist foreign policy during the Cold War. I hear the subject matter is pretty horrifying but very illuminating)

Are Prisons Obsolete? By Angela Davis

I also listen to podcasts about theory by other grad students but idk if that’s what you’re looking for. If you are I recommend Liv Agar and What’s Left of Philosophy. Obviously this has a lower bar on quality and fact checking but I find them enjoyable. Also if you’re into podcasts Blowback is really good (covers the Iraq War and Cuban Revolution).

Sorry this is a bit scatterbrained but I hope that helps lmao. If that’s not helpful I can take a look at some of the shit I have downloaded on my computer. Mutuals can also chime in if they have book/essay recommendations

[lakesbian]

today is good because there are alec drawing. and alec posts and alec questions in my askbox. it took me a somewhat ridiculous amount of time and someone else pointing it out to me for me to realize that his cape name is a body-jacking joke. Regent, As In Person In Charge While The Rightful Ruler Is Incapacitated. you gotta hand it to him for that one being clever.

the alec bluntness is really something. i no longer agree with much of an older post i wrote abt that scene because it was incorrect with regards to amy's characterization but i think i was correct w my thought wrt alec, which is that he demonstrates a really clear prioritization for, like. not necessarily being honest in general (there are times he lies, and he's not exactly pressed about Integrity), but for bluntly facing up to the realities of things that are awkward, uncomfortable, or upsetting.

when taylor first joins the team, he very consistently frankly answers her questions when no one else will--for example, right after she stuns everyone into silence by suggesting they share power origin stories, alec is the first one to break that silence and frankly explain how triggers work to her. it's in part a clear effort to make her feel included and befriend her, but it's also very specifically about directly acknowledging what other people are sidestepping. in his interlude (which Boy Howdy was one of the things that was his fault, they call him little mr turns into his dad when he's having a bad day on account of how he does that), he says this to sophia:

“You and I are more alike than you’d suspect, I think,” he said. “We’re both arrogant assholes, yeah? Difference is, I admit it, I don’t dress it up and tell myself that I’m a bitch and that that’s a good thing.”

& in the amy arc you mentioned, while everyone else is speaking in awkward euphemism, alec cuts in with "oh, you mean you Mind Raped Her?" with more or less explicit intent to nettle amy.

i think the pattern boils down to a few things:

he's really got an overarching pattern going where more or less his entire life has been deeply, horrifically blood-soaked, where he's been abused to every possible extent, where part of that abuse was being forced to contribute to the same abuse of others, and he's just tired. he's tired and upset by people who can still rationalize or talk in circles or avoid directly looking at the violent and the uncomfortable

he does want to grow into someone other than who his father groomed him to be, and he's self-aware enough to understand that there are a lot of "basic" moral notions that he simply doesn't have a grasp of. deciding to be consistently blunt/honest about difficult topics is likely something that he sees as presumably a consistently respectable thing to do while being simple and straightforward to pull off

abuse is quite often accompanied by the abuser insisting that they're a better person than the victim/issuing deserved punishment for some flaw in the victim and alec 'survivor of every form of abuse ever' vasil's almost proud insistence on admitting that he's being a piece of shit when he's ruining someone's life scans as almost resentful and rejecting of the idea of that behavior

his relationship with aisha is also. it's sooooo very. it's So Very. i've written about them extensively in my tag #alec essays & you might enjoy those posts...it really all boils down to the world's loneliest boy meeting someone else who is also very lonely, and them seeing & understanding each other in a way no one else did, and that being so meaningful for him that he was willing to die for a shot in the dark at protecting the most wonderful person he's ever had in his life. lays down in my puddle of cry

putting microphone in your mouth do you have any overall Thoughts on alec vasil. on his arc any favorite moments any analysis etc

im still formulating my thoughts on the name regent and how the regent is the temporary ruler of a kingdom until whoever is supposed to rule can come into power. What do u think he meant by that.

BESIDES THAT when he immediately called out amy on what she did to victoria i think him being so blunt with what kind of violation happened is so interesting bc he very much is a character that doesnt seem to want to be Vocal in situations like that but him speaking up is like oh yeah. Oh god you are too familiar with that.

hes literally just a little guy and nothing is his fault

AND HIS SACRIFICE UGH everything with him and aisha warmed him up so much to me (beyond the initial “something is interestingly wrong w you boy” impression) like the trust from aisha to let him control her like WHAT!!!! WHAT!!! They make me SICKKK

[matoitech]

also also! to get more specific! could u talk about more on how he interacts w the world with his special interest? i like how he doesn't stop talking about it (affectionately) because honestly i wish that were me i love him so much and seeing him share it with his friends

i wish i could get a bigger better thing out for this but im way tired today thank u sm for the ask regardless, but yeah for sure! galos identity intertwined w his special interest in like historical japanese firefighting is absolutely a lense thru which he views himself and how he understands stuff and how he interacts w others, him introducing himself thru talking abt matoi is a big clue in2 this bcuz autistic ppl do generally interact w our interests and view them in relation to ourselves in a very passionate involved way like galo does and ive written more essays abt this but him bringing it up w burning rescue when he met them as his introduction to HIM, sharing something deeply important to him with other ppl to try and connect w them... his mech being based around matoi, being unable to fight in the lio de galon without the matoi (and how lio reacted by not ridiculing him like other ppl did after galo was like hey dont be rude this is fucking important to me!! and just making him a super cool matoi to use without fuss...) all his declarations about and goals about firefighting. he bases his view of himself off of this. and thats also why finding out kray manipulated him in2 it as a career is .. probably extremely painful for him and ive talked b4 abt how theres no way postcanon galo will be able to just move on w/o trying to untangle how much of this and his career is Him and how much of it was pushed on him without him recognizing that kray just wanted him dead as easy a way as possible... but anyway. I LIKE THAT HE DOESNT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT TOO!!! he wants to share this thing hes incredibly passionate about that means a lot to him with other people, its his way of connecting with them, and how lio interacted w him about it was the best way he'd gotten treated abt it in the whole movie and i think that SAYS SOMETIHNG. galo and lio being able to communicate and understand each other and even when they might not fully get it they make an effort and thats such a like integral part of their relationship and characterization and why they act the way they do in the movie. its the autism4autism for me

[regrettablemeasure]

[CW: talking abt queer theory and mentioning a transphobic author]

Listen im not saying compulsory heterosexuality DOESN'T exist in some shape or form, but ignoring even the modern way its been used to try and shame and enforce the "gold star lesbian" standard onto us - the theory originally was written straight up by a transmisogynist.

Adrienne Rich was the author who first penned Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence in 1980. And yes, I have actually READ it. It's only 32 pages long and not that difficult to get through. (more info and sources are under the cut)

Despite the book having what I do think are very good viewpoints and ultimately a good intention, its completely irresponsible to ignore the fact that the woman was a classic TERF. She was a gender essentialist and was a HUGE supporter of Janice G. Raymond (who wrote The Transsexual Empire: The Making of the She-Male). Raymond even shouted her out in that awful book. They were bros. I know its sad to acknowledge a lot of older lesbian authors were transphobic, and I know it was 40+ years ago. I DO think there is a level of needing to acknowledge the time period where things were written and what was considered progressive and socially acceptable back then. But I also don't think its fair to just completely ignore that the woman who penned a theory that now is being used by a LOT of radfems and their supporters today to go after gay women that don't hold up to certain "standards"... was written by a transphobic person.

Its almost as if I don't pull these TERF criticisms out of my ass from nothing. Isn't that something!

When Rich wrote about focusing on other women as a way to uplift other gay women, she meant to look upon other gay women in a positive way. To listen to them and understand THEIR viewpoints, especially because we don't have a surplus of text, art, etc. in the public conciousness made by gay women. Ironic, then, that both she and modern day TERFS use it as a way to splinter the community and silence women that don't fit in their boxes. To try and forcibly slingshot us back into heterosexual space where we inherently don't belong.

You need to know your history but, especially with Queer Theory or any subject matter you want to debate, also know the person BEHIND that history. I think its very important to read these authors but you also need to update your own belief as the world moves forward. Comphet was written in the 80's and its always going to be stuck that way. If you're reading this post, it means you're a Currently Alive Person, which means you're malleable and need to be willing to update your views for the betterment of gay women. Don't come to me with this comphet bullshit unless you actually have read the original essay and are willing to come to grips with everything stated above. There's a reason a lot of queer women are leaving the term behind.

I also implore you to read "What Kind of Times Are These" by Jennifer Boylan. Shes a trans woman who did enjoy parts of Adrienne's writings like a lot of us do - but also discusses how it was important for Adrienne's views to be publicly acknowledged. Instrument in the Shape of a Woman by Alison Rumfitt discuses her, too. It's never been a "cancellation" of Adrienne and writers like her, because its true that they've contributed a lot to the community. But holding their WORST beliefs accountable and bringing them to the forefront is mandatory for the queer community - especially for queer women- to grow.

Sources (including a link to the essay): X X X X X

[schrijverr]

'Till Death Do Us Part

Part 6 out of 13

When Alex has to bring Philip to work, he and Thomas discover that they both have something in common: they lost their love. They form an unexpected bond and connection about this that grows into something more.

A medium burn with parental feelings about Philip and flowers.

On AO3.

Ships: Jamilton

Warnings: brief mention of trauma in regards to water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 6: Garden Daisy Means ‘I Share Your Sentiments’

Alex and Philip played in the park the next day. He pushed Philip on the swings, they tossed a ball back and forth, making Alex feel very stereotypical, so he taught Philip how to make flower crowns from the little daisies in the grass.

Philip was especially excited about making the daisy chains, telling Alex animatedly about making one at school tomorrow: “Yeah, Theo loves flowers, so I’ll make her one, because she is my bestest friend.”

“I’m sure, she’ll appreciate that,” Alex smiled.

“Are you going to make one for Mr. Thomas?” Philip asked.

Alex shook his head: “Probably not, buddy. I don’t think Thomas is much of a flower crown person, but it’s a sweet thought of you.”

“Why?”

“What? I’m going to need more context than that, Pip.”

“Why doesn’t Mr. Thomas want a flower crown?” Philip asked, looking heartbroken about it as he then also asked, “Is a flower crown not a fun gift for your bestest friends?”

“No, no, Pip, it’s a wonderful gift for Theo tomorrow, but are Theo and Thomas really the same?” he tried to do damage control.

Philip thought about it, then said: “No, but they both think my art is the coolest and they like hearing about dinos and Uncle Laf said Mr. Thomas really liked the flowers you gave him and that he was adorable over them, so he must like the flowers. Don’t you think, so Papa?”

“Uncle Laf said what?” Alex was unable to help himself, immediately backtracking, not wanting to involve his kid in that, “Never mind, not important. You make some really good points, Pip,” he had to acknowledge that, but he wasn’t giving Thomas a flower crown.

“I do?” Pip sounded excited about it.

“Yes, you do,” building up self esteem was good, “But Papa is probably not going to do that, because there are no flowers around the office and they will wilt if I make it now,” he wasn’t going to make Philip sad, so hopefully that would be enough.

Philip hummed thoughtfully, then shook off the entire thing: “I suppose you’re right.”

They went home soon after, eating dinner, before Alex read Philip a bedtime story. When Philip had drifted off, he gave him a kiss on the forehead: “Sleep tight, Pip. You’re going places.”

In return Philip snuggled closer into his pillow with a soft sigh. Alex smiled at the sleeping kid, before retreating downstairs, planning to work a bit on his essay about biphobia within the queer community.

He had written a few good paragraphs when his phone buzzed. He picked it up and smiled when he saw it was a message from Thomas: ‘Since you told me that if I wanted to pay so bad, I would have to ask you out and because I said I would, here is me formally asking if you have time next Saturday?

Alex giggled at the wording, before shooting back: ‘dork’

‘me and pip usually hang out on saturdays, but i think hercs free to babysit’

Thomas replied: ‘I was hoping to take you on a picnic, if Philip wants to come and you don’t mind, he’s more than welcome’

That was something Alex hadn’t seen coming. He would love if Thomas and Pip got along and it seemed Thomas was willing to spend time with his son, but he worried that the man had only offered out of guilt.

He took a quick screenshot and send it to Angelic, asking: ‘is this thomas being nice and awkward abt it even though he doesnt mean it?’

After a few seconds, she replied: ‘He wouldn’t lie about shit like that, now reply before he gets anxious about your silence’

‘yes, ma’am’

Alex quickly went back to the chat with Thomas and send: ‘ill ask if he wants to come, but iwould love to take you up on the invitation :D’

‘Good’

‘Talk to you tomorrow?’

‘yeah, see you then’

‘goodnight’

‘Sleep tight, Alex’

Alex sat for a moment smiling dumbly at his phone, looking forwards to tomorrow to see Thomas again as he got up to get ready for bed.

The next day, he quickly put his stuff in his office, before going to the break room, knowing that Thomas would be in soon and meet him there. It always took a few minutes, so Alex busied himself with making coffee, trying not to look at the door.

He was just taking his first sip when Thomas came in. Almost choking he managed to wave as he greeted: “Hi.”

“Hello, be careful there,” Thomas smirked, noticing Alex struggle with the coffee.

“Shove off,” Alex told him, finally swallowing the sip that had betrayed him.

“Nah, don’t wanna,” Thomas shrugged, making himself coffee, “How was your weekend? Did you get terrorized by Lafayette as well?”

“God, he got you too?” Alex asked.

“Naturally,” Thomas replied, “He was at my house first thing in the morning on Saturday, I think he had a notepad.”

“He is such an idiot,” Alex facepalmed.

“You’re telling me,” Thomas laughed.

“But no, my weekend was good,” Alex said after a pause, “I was over at Eliza’s on Saturday, she and Maria were watching Pip and on Sunday me and Pip went to the park. You?”

“Well, on Saturday I hosted Laf, unprepared, but it was alright,” he was not telling Alex he had been draped over the couch, dramatically recounting the entire night like a teenager, “Then on Sunday I read a bit,” and botheredJames about date ideas, which he did not appreciate, before bothering him about what would bea good message to send, which he also didn’t appreciate; he added mentally.

“Are you reading anything interesting?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, I’m reading Frankenstein, just a classic I never got around to,” Thomas answered.

Alex lit up and their conversation went on, discussing the want for bodily autonomy that Mary Shelley as a woman in that era must have had and how that was integrated into the book and how the story of being otheredcould be applied to other minorities today.

The rest of the week sped by like usual. Their lunches together had felt a bit odd at first like it had gained a deeper meaning after the date, but then Thomas had spilled his coffee and Alex had snorted and inhaled a few crumbs, so that had worn off quite quickly.

When Alex had asked Philip if he wanted to come with him and Thomas on a picnic the boy had been beyond excited, which made that easy for Alex.

Now was just the issue of making sure that they had a kite for Pip, the drawing of Mr. Thomas he had made and wanted to give to the man, and sunscreen on as well as a jacket with them, because the weather was mostly good, but there might be winds later on.

Thomas came to pick them up in his car, it was a bit flashy, but the normal amount of flashy for Thomas. Still Alex said: “Hi there, show off.”

“And proud of it,” Thomas just grinned back, before he could say anything more though, Philip came running out of the house, yelling: “Mr. Thomas, Mr. Thomas, do you know how to fly a kite? Will you fly it with me?”

“Wow, calm down, kiddo,” Thomas said to the kid clinging to his waist.

“Sorry, Mr. Thomas.”

“It’s okay, and you can call me Thomas if you want to, you know that, right?”

“But it’s rude to not call people Mister,” Philip frowned.

“Well, it’s okay with me, I am hereby giving you permission to call me Thomas,” Thomas told the kid gently, the whole Mr. Thomas made him feel old.

Philip nodded, then said: “Okay, Uncle Thomas. Do you know how to fly a kite?”

Okay, that was- that was an upgrade that Thomas was unsure of how to deal with, so he just ignored it: “Yeah, I know how to fly a kite. Do you have one?”

“Yes, it’s the bestest one, it gots all the colors of the rainbow on it!” the kid was clearly beyond excited about it.

“Wow, that sounds super awesome, kiddo.”

“What is also super awesome, is car safety,” Alex interrupted them, “I got Pip’s booster seat, do you mind if I put that on the backseat?”

“Of course not, need help?” Thomas answered.

“Nah, I’ve done this before,” Alex grinned.

With Philip’s booster seat firmly in place and the kid buckled in, they got into the car. Thomas holding Alex’s door open with a flourish, making Alex blush as he called him a dork.

“Not a dork, darlin’, just Southern hospitality,” Thomas winked at him, letting his accent coat his words heavily.

And with that he closed Alex’s door and got into the car, driving off in the direction of the nearby park Alex often visited with Pip.

After they arrived Alex got Philip out of the car, while Thomas grabbed Alex’s bag andan actual basket out of the back. When he noticed Alex staring with a raised brow, he shrugged: “You were cliché, so I thought why not.”

“It’s very picturesque.”

“Papa, what is pictuu- pictuu- that word?” Philip asked.

Breaking the eyecontact with Thomas, Alex explained: “Well, sometimes things look just like a picture, they’re put in on purpose to be pretty, like with a drawing. So, we call it picturesque.”

Philip hummed thoughtfully, before he said: “Okay, can I go on the swings?”

“Sure, buddy, but first we go find a spot to sit and maybe eat something, okay?” Alex said, taking Pip’s hand, holding his other out to Thomas with a raised eyebrow.

Thomas took it with a smile, leading them to a spot near the little pond in the park, where a tree provided both shade and an easy marker to find it again if Philip wandered off on his own, which Alex was grateful for.

Out of the basket came a checkered blanket, which made Alex laugh as he and Thomas struggled to lay in down in the wind. But there were also sandwiches, orange juice, brownies, fruit salad and a thermos with coffee.

“Wow, you thought of everything, didn’t you,” Alex whistled.

He got an eye crinkle smile in return as Thomas said: “I try,” before turning to Philip and asking, “What sort of sandwich do you want, kiddo? I got PB and J, ham and cheese and one with chicken and eggplant.”

“May I please have a PB and J sandwich?”

“So, polite,” Thomas commented, handing him the sandwich, “Here you go. Alex?”

“Uhm, can I have one with chicken?”

“Of course, there you are,” Thomas handed him a sandwich, before taking a chicken one as well, nodding a cheers to the others before eating it.

It wasn’t really quiet while they ate, neither Alex nor Philip had a talent for keeping their mouths shut while Thomas was comfortable enough to mix himself into the conversation, either to argue fondly with Alex or to encourage Philip to keep going.

When most of the food was gone, Philip asked: “Can I go on the swings now, Papa?”

Alex checked if the swings were in sight, they were actually quite close and since he was trying to let Pip be more independent, he nodded: “Yeah, just be sure to stay in sight and to come tell me if you’re going somewhere else, okay?”

“Okay, Papa.”

“Can you pinky promise me?” he might be trying to let Pip be more independent, but he still worried about his son.

“Pinky promise,” it was adorable how serious Philip looked while making the pinky promise.

Then Philip skipped off to the swings to play. Alex watched him closely until he got there, then a few moments more just to be sure.

“It’s incredible to see how much you love him,” the comment startled Alex for a moment and he asked: “Wha?”

“Just- you love Philip so much and you can see it every time you two interact,” Thomas explained, “It’s kinda amazing to see. You know, with a big family it wasn’t all that one on one, so seeing how much attention you give him is weird – in the best way of course.”

Alex blushed, no one really every complimented his parenting much, with the trans thing and the single parent and the busy job, most of the PTA moms looked down on him, so it was refreshing to hear: “Oh, uhm, thanks, really means a lot.”

“No problem,” Thomas smiled, “Coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Alex held out his cup and watched it get filled, nodding to Thomas gratefully as he took a sip.

It was quiet for a moment, then a thought popped into Thomas’s head, making him a bit unsure and he asked: “Philip is calling me Uncle Thomas, you okay with that?”

“As long as you are. Pip’s never had a conventional family, I’m not sure he knows exactly what the word is supposed to mean, so he just calls adults he knows well that,” Alex explained, before quickly adding, “If you want him to stop, I can talk to him.”

“Oh, no, I don’t mind – honored, actually – just, you know,checking in.”

“Okay.”

Then it was quiet again. They both stared at the little playground where Philip was now playing tag with a few other kids, obviously done with swinging on the swings.

The sun was out and there were birds in the trees that were chirping, they were sitting on a checkered blanket, nearly completely leaning on one another and Alex was enamored by how picturesque this actually was, even if it had been teasing before.

He remembered Thomas complimenting his date and how relieved and excited that had made him, so he leaned more into Thomas’s side and softly said: “This is pretty amazing, thanks for asking me out again.”

Alex couldn't see it, but Thomas grinned as he replied: “Well, I am glad for inviting you, the company makes it much better.”

“How romantic,” Alex told him, trying, and failing, not to be touched by the comment.

“I try,” Thomas merely replied.

“So,” Alex looked around for something to talk about when he spotted the daisies in the grass and was reminded of his trip to the park with Pip last week, “opinions on flower crowns?”

“What?” Thomas sounded very confused.

He sat up straighter and plucked a few flowers, making a chain and holding it up: “Opinions on flower crowns?”

Thomas laughed for a second, then saw Alex’s face andexclaimed: “Oh my God, you’re being serious.”

Alex laughed too, before schooling his face into a more serious expression: “A trustworthy source told me these are very great gifts.”

“Oh, and who might that source be?” Thomas challenge.

“Well that would be my very own flesh and blood, Philip Hamilton, UncleThomas,” Alex emphasized the title teasingly.

Thomas grinned: “Oh, you should have said so, can’t argue with such an esteemed member of society.”

They both laughed again as Alex plucked more daisies and made a flower crown. It might have been a bit of a joke, but he had never known when to stop and he wasn’t going to start now, so he concentrated on braiding the flowers together while Thomas watched with an amused smile.

“Here, a pretty flower crown, for a pretty boy,” Alex said, handing Thomas the flower crown, taking much delight in how he had a front row seat to a blush blooming over Thomas’s entire face.

Mutely Thomas took the flower crown, mentally trying not to die at Alex’s face and words, which was really hard.

“Well, aren’t you going to put it on?” Alex asked, it was kinda mean to tease at this point, but he couldn't help it when Thomas looked like that.

“Ye- yeah, naturally,” Thomas managed, putting the flower crown on as he regained his bearings, “So, how do I look?” his voice was still a bit squeaky.

“Ah, just like I thought,” Alex smiled, “beautiful.”

“You can’t just say things like that, Alex,” Thomas tried to hide his face.

“Yes, yes, I can. I don’t know if you know this, but I’m kind of known for always speaking my mind and being honest. Can’t help it if it’s true.”

“I hate you.”

“I sure hope that’s not true or this is going to be awkward.”

It was a teasing reply, but both stilled for a moment, before Thomas slowly and softly said: “No, I- I didn’t mean that, you’re- you’re pretty alright.”

“Pretty alright… Hm, I’ll take it,” Alex was smirking, trying to play off the fact that his heart was beating like a marathon runner’s as relief flooded through his veins.

Thomas shoved him over and said: “You’re an idiot.”

“Now that- that I already knew,” Alex grinned, before getting up and looking back to the playground to check in on Philip.

He didn’t have to search much, because the boy was just running their way, yelling: “Papa, Papa, I slayed the dragon.”

“Wow, really buddy? That’s so cool,” Alex caught him as the kid practically tripped into his arms as he gestured wildly while recounting his epic encounter with a dragon and a witch and some fairies who were ‘the coolest, Papa, you should have seen then, they went pow pow and it was so cool.’

Then he spotted Thomas with the flower crown perched on his head and he smiled widely: “Did you give Uncle Thomas a flower crown like I said, Papa?”

“Yeah, I did, Pip. You were right, it was a great gift.”

“I have to agree, you have way better ideas than your Papa,” Thomas budded in.

Philip’s smile widened: “Really? I think so, but Papa is an adult and people always say adults know better.”

“Well, in some instances, adults have more experiences so they can make better decisions, but that doesn’t mean they’re always right,” Thomas said, “Kids can have interesting ideas too. Think of it like painting, experiences are different colors, but you don’t need every color, you can just make a more elaborate picture with more.”

Alex watched as Philip took a moment to think about it, before he nodded in understanding and saying: “So, I may not have all the colors yet, but I can make a good picture?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Thomas was grinning so broadly that Alex was going to loose his mind with how much he adored Thomas and Philip interacting and how fucking cute it was.

Suddenly Philip’s eyes lit up and he said: “Papa, I forgot to give Uncle Thomas his picture.”

“You can give it now, buddy,” Alex told him, reaching over to the bag he brought himself and digging through it.

“My what?” Thomas asked in the background.

“I made you a picture,” Philip was bouncing in place waiting for Alex to find it. When he did, he handed it to Pip, who in turn handed it to Thomas.

“It’s you,” he said, “You’re all purple, because you like purple like me and you have big hair like Uncle Laf and Uncle Herc do, though Uncle Herc’s is smaller and I gave you a book and a laptop ad then I thought planes would be cool, so I added those.”

“Wow, Philip, this is amazing,” Thomas said, “I feel like I should donate it to a museum, but something is missing for that.”

“What?” Philip’s face fell slightly.

“I need it signed, can’t have a masterpiece and forget who made it. What if you get famous? I want to be able to brag that I got an original Philip Hamilton drawing,” he dug around in his pocket and got out the purple pen he used to sign things when he was annoyed at Washington.

Philip took it excitedly, messily scrawling his name at the bottom, before handing it back: “Here, for you.”

“Truly, I’m speechless,” Thomas said, “I’m going to have to frame this.”

“You will?” Philip’s eyes were as big as plates.

“I am a man of my word and I promise,” Thomas told him, holding up a pinky. He had alreadyfigured out that promise meant the most to Philip at this age.

Philip happily interlocked their fingers, before Thomas carefully put the drawing away. Once it was gone, Philip asked: “Can we go kiting now?”

“We first have to put it together if you want to do that, so while I do that why don’t you drink some more juice,” Alex said, already pouring juice in a cup for Pip.

“Thank you, Papa,” Philip started drinking happily.

He struggled with putting the kite together, but luckily Thomas had more experience in putting together kites, citing his big family. So, they had it assembled by the time Philip had finished his juice.

Alex forced Philip to eat a brownie too. It might not be the healthiest, but he wouldn’t let Philip run around on an empty stomach if he could help it.

“I have no clue how to do this,” Alex confessed holding the kite. He had bought it on a whim in the supermarket about twoweeksago. However, he had no childhood memories to draw from on how to do this.

“Fortunately for you, I do,” Thomas said, taking the kite from him, “Here, let me take this.”

Alex gladly gave the task away and watched as Thomas gave Philip the handle of the kite and instructed him on what to do as he threw the kite into the air.

Philip whooped when it stayed up and Thomas cheered as well. Alex took out his phone and sneakily took a picture of the two, before cheering as well.

He flew the kite for half an hour before it went wrong. It was nothing big, just a sudden gust of wind that ripped the kite from Philip’s small hands and carried the kite away from them until it dropped into the water.

They looked at the kite for a second, before Philip turned to Alex with big eyes: “Papa, we have to save the kite.”

Looking at the water, Alex shuddered before he replied: “I’m sorry, Pip, but I can’t retrieve it for you. I think you’re going to have to say goodbye to the kite.”

“I can go get it, please, Papa,” there were tears gathering in Philip’s eyes.

In his mind images of Philip drowning flashed and quite harshly he said: “No!” cringing as Philip startled slightly. In a softer tone, he repeated: “No, Pip. You can’t swim, I’m not letting you in the water, because it’s dangerous and your clothes will get wet.”

“But- but the kite,” Philip argued.

“It was an accident, but we lost the kite,” Alex tried to break the news gently.

They were distracted by Thomas, who said: “I can go get the kite.”

“What?” “Will you do that, Uncle Thomas!”

“No, I can’t ask that of you,” Alex said, “You’ll ruin your clothes and it’s in the water and it might get cold later, it’s too much to ask.”

“I’ll be fine, Alex. Unlike Philip here, I can swim, so it’s fine if I fall. And this isn’t a natural pond anyway,” Thomas explained, “It’s made to trap rainwater so the neighborhood doesn’t get flooded, but because it’s in a kids park, it’s shallower. I don’t think my shorts will get wet.”

“You really don’t have to do this,” Alex pressed again, making sure that Thomas didn’t feel obligated just because Philip would be mildly upset about it.

“I know,” Thomas smiled as he sat down to toe off his shoes and socks.

Before he stepped into the water, he looked at Pip and seriously said: “Can you watch over our spot and your Papa for me while I go rescue the kite?”

Philip nodded, equally serious: “With my life.”

“Good,” Thomas chuckled, then set his first step.

He had been right about the depth of the pond and got to the kite without any difficulties. More onlookers had turned their attention to the water, but Thomas tried to ignore them as he saved the kite.

Returning to the shore he handed it to Philip, who beamed: “Thank you so somuch, Uncle Thomas.”

“No problem, kiddo, though I don’t think we can kite any more with the kite all wet,” he replied.

“That’s okay, I can still swing,” Philip said.

As the kid ran off again to play, Alex turned to Thomas: “Really, thank you, you didn’t have to do it, but thanks.”

“Did you see Philip’s smile? Worth it, really,” Thomas assured him.

Alex smiled, he didn’t think his heart could contain all the affection he had for Thomas in that moment, so he just hugged the man and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Thomas gently touched the spot Alex had kissed before smiling like he was the happiest man on earth, which only made Alex scream more internally.

They returned to their blanket and watched Philip play. After a few minutes of silence, Thomas lightly said: “So, water. Not a fan?”

“Ah, no, not really,” Alex replied, not sure on what to say.

“You don’t have to tell me, just good to keep in mind,” Thomas told him gently.

“Oh, no, it’s okay, just not something I talk about much,” Alex shrugged.

Thomas repeated: “You don’t have to tell me, really.”

“I know,” Alex assured him, “You know how I’m an immigrant, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I come from the Caribbean and uhm- You see, there was this hurricane that hit my island when I was seventeen. It’s- uh, it’s not something I’d recommend living through,” he told Thomas.

“Oh wow, I remember that being on the news,” Thomas felt like he had maneuvered himself into an awkward position. He was bad at comfort, with John he could relate, but here he was way out of his depths.

“It’s okay now, I got over it- mostly,” Alex shrugged, trying to move on, “Just don’t like water or storms that much.”

Thomas nodded, staying quiet. Instead he slung an arm over Alex’s shoulders and let the man snuggle close as he stared off in the direction Philip was in, though Thomas wasn’t sure if he was seeing much, so he kept an eye on the kid just in case.

After a moment, Alex asked: “Do you have one of those brownies left?”

“What? Huh, oh yeah. Here.”

“Thank you, these are amazing.”

“Why thank you, I made them.”

“You did?”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised.”

“I’m not,” a beat, then Alex said, “Well, I am, but it’s more pleasantly surprised than anything else. I didn’t know you baked.”

Thomas was glad for the change in topic and that the atmosphere hadn’t been ruined by his comment. So he replied: “It’s calming, repetitive and you have something nice at the end.”

“Never pegged you to be a stress baker,” Alex commented.

“According to Jemmy it’s one of my more redeeming qualities,” Thomas joked.

Alex laughed: “James is good in pinning people, I’ll take his word.”

“He thought you to be annoying and a dick, so I don’t think you wanna do that,” Thomas raised a brow at him.

“Schematics,” Alex waved his hand, “And in my defense, I was annoying back then, maybe even a bit of a dick, butI just aged like fine wine.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“I thought you were supposed to be on my side.”

“What can I say, I’m a man of many faces.”

“You’re a dork, that’s what you are.”

“Maybe so,” Thomas smirked, before looking over to the playground again. Philip was going down the slide, before running around with another kid. Thomas said: “He looks like he’s having fun.”

“Yeah, yeah, he does,” Alex agreed, snuggling closer into Thomas’s side.

Thomas planted a kiss on the top of his head and Alex was pretty sure he was one day going to melt out of affection.

Philip stopped running for a moment, to turn to them and wave excitedly. Alex waved back and so did Thomas. Alex couldn't stop the smile on his face, this was nice, so much nicer than he ever thought he was going to get after John’s death.

He send a quick look to the sky, slightly wistful, before fully draping himself over Thomas, earning a not-that-offended offended squawk that he ignored in favor of draping even more until Thomas gave in and let them both topple over.

Alex vowed that he was going to try to hold on to this for as long as possible.

I am not a parent btw, I feel like I should have stated that early, also don’t take this fic as parenting advise. I try to write Good Parent!Alex, but that doesn’t mean it will be entirely, bc, again, no experience in this field.

Btw, Philip not understanding Uncle and Auntie and being over at the other’s houses so much is a concept I love, bc it’s a very queer way to raise a kid. Sure, Alex is his primary care giver and dad and stuff, but a village raises a kid and- ugh, I love found family dynamics.

Also this is getting incredibly fluffy, I was worried this was going to be too dark for me with my other fics, but no within a few chapters the angst has made place for this. Love that for me *gay peace sign*