#especially since i am for real moving away from the past fandom i was in

[swift-kwikster]

Don't think I posted this here??

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 01/07

Anonymous asked:i think youre the first liveblogger ive seen to actually remember that orphaner dualscar was eridan’s flarping name?

Mindfang clearly describes the Serkets, so I wonder if Dualscar says anything about the Amporas?

Eridan's greatest enemy does have a duality theme, after all - and he was certainly scarred when the guy stole his crush >:)

@captorations asked:i have terrible news regarding homestuck and the good place: https://x.com/nbcthegoodplace/status/1039908767763259392?lang=en not to mention that. well. the two share more than you've encountered yet. it's very likely not a coincidence. have fun! oh and. re: my ongoing campaign of pointing out the homestuck ancestry of tlt characters. please compare aradia's "i am very much alive and i intend to stay that way" with dulcinea's "i'm not in the river and i won't ever be again"

...oh my god.

On reflection, this makes a lot of sense. Homestuck's fandom is pretty large, and some of its members were bound to be involved in the production of mainstream media. Still, it's wild to see a Homestuck reference - or, technically, a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff reference - on the official Twitter for a show this big.

And Aradia does have a lot in common with Dulcinea, doesn't she? For one thing, they didn't really start influencing the plot until after they died.

Anonymous asked: Not really important anymore, but looking at what Gamzee has in his Strife Deck, it doesn’t look like he has any ranged options: he’s got the bowling pins, what appear to be a discarded sickle and lance from Karkat and Tavros respectively, what I’m PRETTY SURE is a whip of some sort, and the Zillyhoo hammer. The closest to a ranged weapon in that stack is the whip, or maybe the pins if he’s willing to throw them, but neither seem like they’d work very well against Vriska. Barring some secret power or other plot twist, I think Gamzee would genuinely be the underdog in that matchup. (Which feels weird, because Gamzee’s been mutating into a slasher villain while Vriska’s still very much an antihero protagonist. Usually the power balance is the other way around with those archetypes!)

On the face of it, Gamzee didn't seem to have great odds in that fight - but it's hard to know for sure with this pesky Bard. His Strife Deck contains plenty of cards we haven't seen, and whatever he did to the Black King is still shrouded in mystery. Everything's just so uncertain with him.

@mimescantscream asked: I've really been holding back all this time, but now that we've met the Grand-highblood, it really is extra painful to see a Gamzee who was once incredibly loving of his friends (despite their constant ridicule) end up falling down the path that fate seems to have pre-ordained for him. Was he truly always meant to repeat echoes of the past? Could things ever have gone differently for him?

Yeah, I've been having similar thoughts. His PoV seemed completely sincere, so I don't think his original personality was a fabrication, or anything. I think there is a part of Gamzee that cares about his friends - and maybe even he wants it back.

@jade-harley-real asked: […] I want a rant on the bad doctor from you pls pls pls

Scratch is straight up the scariest character in Homestuck.

What's he up to now? Hard to say since we're not telling him what to do. Guardians can never be told what to do.

The aura of menace he's cultivated is incredible, especially considering he barely even moves. He's playing the entire cast like a fiddle, armed with nothing but a typewriter and his own supercharged brain - and there's no doubt in my mind that his confidence isn't a mask. He knows he's going to win in the end.

English is coming. He's basically already here.

@elkian asked: I'll probably never be a Vriska FAN, but I gotta admit, she really never had a chance, what with the only adults in her life being: a trollvorous spider 1 missed meal away from eating her, Marquise "I do what I want" Mindfang, and Doc Scratch. Some role models! @manorinthewoods asked: So, now that Mindfang has been revealed, here's a question for you: how much of Vriska's Vriskyness is because she's Vriska, how much is because of Mindfang, how much is because of her lusus, and how much is because of Alternia in general? ~LOSS (20/6/24)

This is why I don't think she'd be like this on Earth. At this point, it's obvious that none of her Incidents were the result of her personality as it naturally arose.

I mean, look how anti-Aradiacide she was! They weren't even really friends!

Anonymous asked: ‘AA: there are all sorts of friends to meet AA: ones you already know and ones you dont’ I mean…couldn’t she just be referring to various doomed selves? I don’t see why the dream bubbles would just be confined to the alpha timeline seeing as the furthest ring is weird in terms of time and space

I was assuming that only Alpha Timeline deaths would be preserved by the Bubbles, but you're right - I'm not sure that was a reasonable assumption.

The Horrorterrors seem to eschew the concept of the Alpha Timeline. and, they've coordinated with both Doomed and Alpha versions of Rose and Dave. Plus, yeah, there is no time in the Ring, so timelines are probably meaningless there. Why would it only interface with the Alpha?

If the Bubbles do preserve doomed souls, then we might also run into the John who died to Typheus, and the Jade he couldn't save. That's a pair of ghosts I'd be very interested to meet.

Anonymous asked: If every Aradia comes back from every doomed timeline, the number would double each time, so you could get over a thousand of her with only ten doomed timelines.

Fair point- although, if an already doomed Aradia went back in time again, she'd be double doomed. Is that even possible? Would she die twice as quickly?

@mhafanlol2000 asked: Your issues with quirks and speech-to-text are pretty simple to explain. If a troll were to speak into a non-modified speech-to-text program, it would output text with their quirk. Because they, quite literally, speak in their quirk. Terezi probably isnt actually saying “YOU H4V3 LOST TH3 G4M3”, each number at a time, but the vibes are definitely there. I don’t know, this is hard to describe if you don’t inherently get it.

I think, jokes aside, it is indeed about the vibes.

In the troll intro pages, you get told a little about how each troll talks, and I think that's how we're supposed to translate their quirks to an audible medium.

Anonymous asked: i think ppl in the fandom have over time kinda built up a like, generally separate understanding of quadrants from how theyre described in the "official" explanation. which is like, not representative of how these terms are used in homestuck, but probably more useful for describing Good relationships that Do Not Suck. like basically making moirails equivalent to being queer platonic partners, making blackrom more about having a healthy fun rivalry, that kinda stuff.

It's funny, actually - I don't think I've encountered a single asker who accepts the quadrants as they're originally described.

The main issue is that, with the possible exception of matespritship, we haven't seen a single troll relationship with reflects the infodump's explanation of the quadrants. I think Hussie might just have jumped the gun a little when dropping it.

Anonymous asked: Shoutout to Karkat poking his friends in the background! Terezi (crying over Dave) and now Soloux (talking to Terezi). Karkat isn’t sure what the right response is but wants to be included! Reminds me of actual cats, just putting a paw on you for no discernible reason. @manorinthewoods asked: I'd like to note that Karkat poking Terezi's tears is the same sprite (and same 'poooke'!) as Karkat poking Sollux's burnt-out eyesockets. ~LOSS (12/6/24)

My man just likes poking.

@alicesoinions asked: not much to say just wanted to say I really enjoy your liveblog!!

Glad you're enjoying!

I've actually got a few new followers recently. Maybe I'm showing up in people's recommendations?

@heliotropopause asked: Dream bubbles are pretty neat, eh? Neat enough to inspire half of HtN, I'd bet.

…wait.

Oh my god, you're right. It's literally a River Bubble. They're both located in afterlives, for crying out loud!

Anonymous asked: Wanted to thank your liveblog for reminding me of a lot that I had flat out missed in canon, due to not putting it together or just reading too quickly. Most recently and notably on my mind right now, is that Feferi is the one who set up the dreambubbles!!! I had always thought that they were just a part of the world that readers didn’t know about yet, like how we weren’t yet introduced to Alternia and it’s moons until act 5. This went right over my head and it has me absolutely REELING (fishing pun included just for fef!!)

Feferi truly is the MVP.

I wonder what happened to dead Players before the Bubbles?

They're certainly not the only type of afterlife in the multiverse. Alternia has at least two types of undead, which implies that the Players are very, very lucky to have retained their personhood postmortem. Imagine this was what Feferi looked like in Jade's dream.

Anonymous asked: Knowing sollux, he probably already had coded his tech to recognize if his speech ever changed, and gave himself a different typing quirk for it, long ago. Not because he knew or thought it would happen, but because he thought it would be a fun coding project ((I know nothing about coding))

And yet, you somehow know exactly how we think.

Anonymous asked: Something I hadn’t really thought about, until I started reading this liveblog, is how much VRISKA ((autocorrect decided to caps that and I’m leaving it in lol)) was manipul8ted into a lot of her violence. Scratch pushed her towards vengeance against Aradia, and she didn’t want to go through with it. Did VRISKA ever tell anyone how much of her live she spent resisting these forces, or even really acknowledge it? She didn’t hide Spidermom, and arguably her need to kill other trolls was to prevent herself from being killed. BUT on the other hand, VRISKA voice would make it sound like a compliment “I almost didn’t kill you why don’t you appreciate me!!!!!!!!”

The thing is, VRISKA probably felt a lot of social pressure not to tell people she was coerced into her crimes. That would reveal that she was reluctant to kill, which is the opposite of what the Empire wants.

@manorinthewoods asked: You could have written a great Homestuck if you'd been Hussie. I think your style, if translated from reacting-to-comic to making-comic, would work great with what Homestuck is, and could have made a better product. I think you'd make a cerebral Homestuck, which would have been cool to read, except I would have botched reading it like I botched reading Homestuck in our Alpha Timeline. ~LOSS (11/6/24)

Thank you! I've tried to write before, actually, but whenever I reread my stories, they come off as esoteric, stilted and a little hard to follow. It's not an insurmountable problem, of course, and I really need to take a writing workshop at some point.

I'd love to make a webcomic, too, but my art also leaves a lot to be desired. I can adapt sprites just fine, but original drawings are hard, guys. Did anyone else know about this?

Anonymous asked: i counted just now, and only like 24 out of all 54 paradox space comics have zero spoilers. some of them are certainly more substantial than others (e.g. i counted ones that include jade’s consorts that you havent seen yet as spoilers) but a lot of them have Very Big Spoilers

It would have been awfully messy. I'm probably just going to read it once I've reached the Gigapause of 2013, and no longer need to worry about spoilers.

@bladekindeyewear asked: “Nepeta wasn't trying to pacify Equius, nor did she seem to be fulfilling any rigidly defined 'role' in his life. They just came off as very good friends, and their relationship was much better for it.” Well, maybe we ought to look at it through the lens of real relationships between friends? Once a healthy dynamic and boundaries are established, perhaps Moirails stabilize as long as they’re together.

That's a good way to interpret moirallegence - although, it does raise an issue with the quadrant that I'll be discussing on its own post, once I've finished the comp. There's no point in prehashing what I'm about to say, so I'll see you there!

Anonymous asked: karkats message didn't go through because of trollians narrative awareness feature, where it'll display something different in service of one of the several "all"-seeing entities, of which the reader is one <3 watsonian and doylist explanations are kissing with tongue

Since the fourth wall is an actual, physical piece of technology in this world, this isn't even that far-fetched!

@sashonya asked: So, as the session's timers continues to count down, what do you think will happen after The Scratch?

Beyond 'the session ends', it's difficult to say for sure. I think the two most likely possibilities are that the kids start exploring other sessions, or travel to a location completely outside the current scope of the comic. I am, of course, hoping for both.

@ericvilas asked: "I still believe that out of all the trolls, Karkat’s traits were featured the most prominently in humanity" yeah, I guess even humans aren't free from the effects of carcinization

CG: THERE IS ONLY ONE STEP. CG: AND IT IS ME.

[1863-project]

For the ask game: common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about?

[ask meme]

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I...actually get frustrated with the infantilization and/or demonization of characters that could be read as autistic, because it happens so often and there's such a lack of self-awareness when people do it. If one person headcanons it, a bunch of other people pile on, and before you know it, your character is being treated like someone else entirely - and unfairly so.

Let's take the most obvious example and the reason I don't engage with fandom much:

I am so tired of what fandom at large has done to Emmet since 2010. He's been infantilized since day one, often being portrayed as needing Ingo to take care of him or otherwise be his brother's keeper. He's also been turned into a violent, 'unhinged' stereotype since day one. Neither of these things are new. They've been happening since the release of the games. Neither of them have any basis in his canon characterization - a competent railroad employee who's a goofball but simultaneously responsible and always puts safety first.

I was hoping people had moved past that the way they moved past Blankshipping (though some people still do this, too, EW), but it seems like they haven't. Emmet is still either a helpless child or a serial killer waiting to happen to so many of these people, and as someone who actually felt so validated and seen the first time she discovered Ingo and Emmet, it hurts so deeply.

In real life, I'm also infantilized. I turn 35 this year and have a Master’s degree and work a big grown-up adult archivist job and live outside my parents' house, but because I'm neurodivergent and short, I'm frequently assumed to be and am treated like a teenager way more often than you'd reasonably expect. It's incredibly frustrating to constantly be treated like an innocent child because you don't meet neurotypical benchmarks of adulthood the way they want you to or because of the way you carry yourself or enjoy things. But at the same time, people shy away from me because I'm "too intense" about the things I care about.

Sound familiar?

Fandom was, when I was a younger girl, a place where neurodivergent people (especially autistic and ADHD people) were safe from the real world not understanding, accommodating, and accepting us. We generally kept things on the down-low, since it was another thing we'd be bullied for if people knew, but for us, it was a safe space. Then people realized fandom could be commodified, and once capitalism got a hold on fandom and made it mainstream, all our bullies were suddenly in our little space again, and...well, you probably know the rest. (Yeah, they brought their ableism with them.)

I'm not saying old fandom didn't have its problems. It had a LOT of problems. But it was, altogether, a safer space for neurodivergent people to find community and themselves than it is now. Now it feels more about producing things and moving on to the next big thing to produce more "content" to keep engagement instead of an actual community of nerdy, passionate people getting excited about each other's fanworks and chatting about their favorite things together.

And that reflects in how people treat autistic and autistic-coded characters now. Emmet is one example of many - look at Papyrus, or Entrapta, or numerous others.

This trend really, really fucking hurts, and I cannot stand how willingly fandom spaces just go along with it without thinking critically about it.

[elvisabutler]

Hi I’d like to request a smut about Austin Butler and reader. Reader stared as Pricilla in Elvis and Austin and her became very close And they flirt all the time but when Austin dates Kaia reader feels like she has no chance Then the cast goto the oscars where Austin is nominated and wins Reader is also nominated but for Marilyn Monroe(Love her!)she goes down the isle Austin kisses her in front of everybody like Alexander Skarsguard and Nicole Kidman reader confronts him after leads to smut.

love was just a glance away

summary: after bonding and flirting nonstop on the set of elvis, you fall for austin but don't take a chance on telling him. when he starts to date kaia you think your opportunity is gone for good until oscar night. fandom: austin butler | elvis ( 2022 ) rating: m pairing: austin butler x priscilla actress reader ( different verse than my usual ). austin butler x kaia gerber is also mentioned, plays an somewhat important part as the prompt implies. word count: 2642 warnings: cheating on austin's part, kind of. pining. oral ( f receiving ). age difference ( austin is the older one in both relationships ). mentions of the movie blonde. author’s note: so this has been tricky for me for a number of reasons that i won't get into. but anon if you're still around ( since this was from the beginning of september, lord have mercy ) thank you for this prompt and i hope you enjoy! and we're all gonna pretend that blonde wasn't a trash fire, alright? just for this fic. and for those of you who don't remember, yes that kiss with alexander and nicole did happen. it's okay, i forgot about it too. and special thanks to @blurredcolour and @ab4eva who helped talk me out of setting this piece on fire. no taglist this time for this is a piece i am still very unsure of.

Austin Butler has a magnetism you wish you could blame on him playing Elvis- wish you could blame on him not being able to separate himself from his character. You wish you could and yet you of all people know the truth, that Austin will look at you as if you're the only person in the room when talking to you, will act as if he cares about all the little tiny details of your life that most people just sort of pretend to care about. No one could fault you for falling for him- no one could fault anyone for falling for him, especially when you had been his costar- the Prisicilla to his Elvis for almost two years, watching Elvis movies together, learning everything about the real life people that made your characters who they were.

You tell yourself you should have made a move on Austin when you had the chance. You should have made a move on him at that stupid brunch or that stupid moment in the water at the wrap party. You should have but you were too scared, too much that young girl who got the part and found yourself starry eyed over your older costar. So you allow him to slip through your fingers and move onto your next project while he moves onto his. You keep faintly in touch, talking over text until the pics with Lily Rose come out and you ignore him for a week, too hurt that he moved on- like you had ever been together- to speak to him. When you finally do you're shorter than you've ever been with him and he backs off for a month. He backs off thinking you're- he knows he's made you angry, hurt you but he doesn't know why. You two were never anything more than close costars, hell, you had been one of the few he'd had that stuck around past filming like this, stuck around and had him keep that sense of family he always lost when shooting wrapped for any project.

He backs away for a month but then he meets Kaia and she feels like a balm. A part of him, a part deep inside the recesses of his mind knows he's probably using her and that she doesn't deserve this- she's not even 21 and here he was just fooling around with her. She's nice enough though- her parents less so but- no one was perfect and he was dating her and not them. Getting to know her is a whirlwind before the press tour, coffee dates and trips to Paris and making out over masks because she's better than 'Nessa ever will be about obeying the rules when it comes to the pandemic.

Seeing you on the press tour, seeing you in your dress at the Met has his heart thudding in his chest, has his hands itching to touch you. You're flying solo while he has Kaia on his arm being sweet and as lovely as can be. She's everything he could want in a girlfriend he thinks, and yet she's not you. Still, she doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve to have anything but his undivided attention so he tries to remind himself that if you two were meant to be- if you two were supposed to be together you would be. Life isn't the Notebook and people don't drift apart only to come back together in a sweeping scene in the rain. When he reminds himself of this, when he let's himself tell his subconscious this over and over it sinks in, it makes it easier to be the adoring boyfriend Kaia deserves and after the standing ovation that lasts twelve minutes and you congratulating him, he allows himself to forget about it.

He allows himself to bury his feelings for you because he's not a cheater, he's not the type to break up his own relationship on a- fling, a potential friends with benefits situation- a something that isn't another relationship. He's not a cheater by nature but sometimes- sometimes he wishes he was, wishes he could call you up on the nights he's in Budapest or the nights he's in Ohio and tell you everything. Tell you that he loves Kaia but he's been at least a little in love with you since filming and it's not just Elvis and Priscilla. No, it's you and him. You're filming- something else at this point and he knows your Marilyn movie is getting rave reviews, not like he expected any different, and yet he only congratulates you, doesn't try and tell you his feelings, content to ride whatever his relationship with Kaia proves to be because you don't- You two missed your opportunity.

Never in his wildest dreams had Austin thought he'd be nominated for an Oscar for Elvis but if you had asked him- and you had- you were always going to be a shoo-in for a nomination for Marilyn. If you ask him, the phone call he has congratulating you- the one that takes three hours of just the two of you catching up? That might have been the straw that broke the camel's back with Kaia.

His relationship with her might not have been PR but he knows- and she knows it's a PR nightmare to have them break up right before the Oscars, and they may not be together but they like each other as people and Kaia murmurs against his shoulder that "you deserve to have your moment" and he does, doesn't he? After all those years of slaving away trying to become the actor he knows he was born to be.

You try to not watch Austin and how he looks with Kaia on his arm on the red carpet. Everyone's busy asking about your nomination and how it makes you feel and only occasionally do they bring up Austin's own, it's- it's fine. Handling this would be a piece of cake unlike figuring out just where you were supposed to sit as far as your respective casts went. You choose to sit with the Blonde cast, scrunching your face at Xavier and giving Bobby and Adrian the largest hugs imagable. You glance across the room to see Austin staring at you with something- with some look you don't dare identify as jealousy, after all, Kaia isn't too far away from him but it's something you're not sure you want to put a name to.

The ceremony itself feels like a blur- feels like a rush even though you know when you're watching it at home it never feels like that. Maybe it's just one of those things you have to experience in person to get the full effect. Austin wins- of course he does, you had no doubt and despite how complicated things have been with you and him- or how you wish you had made a move, you're still proud of him. Your standing ovation is practically a version of his one from Cannes and you see him grinning seeing you still clapping even as you sit down. It's hard to focus on the words he's saying after you hear "and my Priscilla, the wonderful Y/N," and realize he's still looking at you with something akin to joy and awe rolled into one while he continues to thank people. Brushing it off as just him needing to focus on one person in the audience is easy enough especially as your nerves start to truly hit you when it comes to your own nomination. Your heartbeat rushes in your ears a constant thrum as the names are read off until you hear them say your name and you see your castmates clapping and pushing you out of your chair. You're so thankful you didn't pick a dress with an obscenely long train because you can focus on walking and you do up until the point when you see Austin's body in front of you. Before you even have a chance to ask what he's doing you feel his large warm hands cup both sides of your face and pull you in for a kiss. Your own hands cup his face unbidden, forgetting that you two are on live television and forgetting that his girlfriend is right there. When you pull away your shocked eyes search his eyes for an answer only to get a look of pure love that you recognize, if only because he's given that look to you as Elvis so many times.

The speech you give is not the one you intended to, it's discombobulated and you swear a little nonsensical but it's over as soon as it happens and you find yourself whisked away to the backstage area where you see Austin of all the people standing there. There's an urge to slap him that threatens to bubble up to the surface before you pull him aside and snarl at him.

"What the fuck, Austin?" You pause. "What was that? Why- Why aren't you with Kaia?"

Austin pulls you farther away, into a small room of some kind before he sinks to his knees and frowns. "That- That was me kissing you. And we're- I don't need to be with her, she's twenty one years old, Y/N."

The next words that leave you are hissed as you look down at Austin on the floor, on his knees looking like he's wanting to find his way under your dress. "She's your girlfriend. Get off the floor." Your eyes dart around Austin, trying to not focus on how he looks as he looks up at you and licks his lips.

"She's my ex-girlfriend," he clarifies, as his hand moves to touch your calf, earning a slight shiver from you. "I- We should have gone together. I should have- I wanted you, I want you. Let me just- Let me make it up to you, please. Then you can be mad at me."

You raise an eyebrow at his words, wondering just what he means has his hand moves slowly upward until it reaches your thigh and you shiver, your chest heaving ever so slowly as you whisper. "Austin- You-" You shut your eyes and for once let yourself enjoy something, like he said, he wants to make it up to you, he wants to beg for your forgiveness on his knees. You can let him and then be mad at him like he says. "Please."

Your murmured please is all he needs to push up the fabric of your dress, exposing your underwear covered vagina. The underwear is pulled down enough in a flash as he wastes no time in burying his face in your crotch, inhaling a deep breath before his tongue starts to work you open. He licks at you, flicks his tongue against your clit, in your cunt, everywhere he seems to be able to reach. It's all too much and too little all at once as your hands move to grab at his hair, pulling it and earning a moan from him that he lets out around your clit. You shouldn't enjoy this as much as you do, you shouldn't be letting him do this even though you've dreamed at how his stubble would feel against your pussy, how it'd feel against your thighs. The feel of his fingers and of coolness of the two rings that are on his fingers against your pussy have you clenching around them and you hear him chuckle a little as you feel a rush of embarrassment at your reaction.

For someone who has never had sex with you and someone who- despite flirting with like your life depended on it out of character- doesn't know how exactly to pleasure you in the exact what you want, he's doing a phenomenal job. There's still calluses on his fingers that you want to ask where he's gotten them from but you feel the roughness of them against your clit and that and all other thoughts flutter away in a hiss of pleasure. He pulls away just slightly kissing your thigh and whispering words you never thought you'd hear from him. Whispers of his love and adoration for you on and off set, how he loves how you scrunch your face and how he knows this year is just the beginning for you and how he loves you and wants you to be his. It's too much for you, the words circling around in your head as you feel his fingers curl against your g-spot and feel his mouth sucking your clit that you let out a choked off shout, stopping the sound with your forearm against your mouth.

Your breath comes in short pants for a good few minutes as you lean up against a wall, not trusting your legs to hold you up as you try and recover, a fresh spike of arousal hitting you the moment you look down and see Austin's face glistening with your cum. Austin manages to push himself off the ground as you stare at him, his head tilting as he tries to get a read on you. You know you shouldn't know this is unwise but you can't help but messily kiss him, wanting to taste his tongue and taste how it mixes with your taste. He responds in kind, a growl forming in his chest as he tries to deepen it only to have you pull away and push him away from you.

"I'm- You might have ruined this night for me, Austin. Not- this. This was the only good thing I think you did." You shake your head, the anger you feel starting to push its way to the surface after your orgasm has cleared your head. "You kissing me is all everyone is going to talk about because you're still with Kaia." Austin starts to cut you off before you shake your head. "Even if you're broken up, no one knows that but the two of you. I didn't even know that and you decided to kiss me as I'm about to get an award I worked so hard on."

"Y/N- I-" He pauses and looks down at the ground apologetically. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I should have thought about it but I'm not going to apologize for kissing you. I wanted to kiss you, I've been wanting to kiss you-"

Your hand waves him off. "You could have, Austin, you could have broken up with Kaia ages ago or whenever you had this realization but you didn't. And now I look like a fool and like someone who you're cheating on your girlfriend with. Making your break up when it goes public look like my fault."

"Babe-" He starts before you glare at him, pulling up your underwear and straightening out your dress.

"Don't even think about it." Because he does not deserve to call you babe or baby or apologize with words like he's going to try to after what he's done tonight. "I'm- Austin- if you want to be with me like you seem to claim. Figure out what in the hell is going on with you and Kaia and whatever is going on with you as a person and come find me. I have to go answer a million questions about you kissing me now."

Your hand moves to open the door and you think about not looking back, think about walking out the door in a dramatic sort of huff before you sigh and look back. Austin's frowning as he stares at the floor, rubbing his head. Comforting him crosses your mind but you shake your head to yourself as you swing the door open, not even giving Austin the dignity of a farewell as you exit into the cacophony of noise outside the door.

[forever-fixating]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @onthewaytosomewhere. This week I'm sharing a one-shot I've been working on. I was possessed by the demon that is Nicholas Galitzine who bombarded my poor fangirl heart with both Mary & George and The Idea of You trailer. I haven't been the same since, and I refuse to admit just how many times I've listened to that fucking song. (Spoiler alert: it's a lot.)

Anywho, I was inspired by that kiss in the trailer (Anne, Nick, I am just a simple bisexual person. You can't just DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT and expect me to have a normal response!!!) and the wonderful story Clean Slate by smc_27 on AO3 and of course, my fandom bestie @priincebutt The Story of Us to add my own popstar age-gap AU into the mix. I hope you enjoy this nonsense as much as I enjoy writing it. Should be ready soon. Toodles!

The band joined them twenty minutes later, and Alex announced, “I am starving. Are you ladies hungry?”

Henry stood as the girls giggled and nodded. They followed behind as the group headed outside to a large black SUV. The girls joined June and Nora in the middle section, and Alex grinned, “Guess you’re stuck in the back with me, Uncle Henry.”

Henry rolled his eyes as Cash opened the door for them. “Henry is fine, thanks.”

“Yes, he is.”

Henry’s heart skipped several beats as he climbed inside the SUV. Was this man hitting on him? He suddenly felt flushed and tugged off Pez’s jacket, trying to calm his racing heart and mind. He scooted against the other door for some distance, only for Alex to move to the center of the seat, their knees grazing each other. Henry, grasping for any semblance of control, called out, “Seat belts, girls!”

June and Nora turned to look at him, and June said, “They’re all buckled up. My mom drilled that into me and Alex’s brains growing up.”

“You two look cozy,” Nora said with a smirk.

Henry gave a nervous chuckle and said, “I’m just happy to be somewhere quieter. I don’t know how you all do it night after night.”

“I thrive on it,” Alex replied, leaning back into the plush leather seats. He looked at Henry through eyelashes that didn’t seem real outside of fiction. “Doesn’t matter if it’s ten people or ten thousand…being surrounded by a sea of people all there to see you. It’s out of this world.”

Henry relaxed into his seat as they pulled away from the stadium, Alex’s cologne filling his senses. It was spice, leather, and a hint of something floral—pure intoxication. The girls chattered in front, and Alex asked, turning his body toward Henry, “So what do you do when you’re not busy being the best uncle ever?”

Henry shrugged, looking down at his hands holding the leather jacket. “My life is quite dull. I volunteer at a youth shelter, help my best mate at his art gallery, and write.”

“Oh? Anything I’ve read?”

Henry hesitated. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed by his work. He had it on good authority that, past the smutty allure, his fans genuinely connected with the characters of his books. But the subject matter was decidedly graphic and not something he wanted to discuss around his twelve-year-old nieces. Finally looking at Alex again, he said dismissively, “Probably not. I write for myself and a small but passionate audience.”

Alex was undeterred. “Try me. I read constantly, especially when I’m on tour. If anything, it will give me something new.”

“Fine,” Henry replied, rolling his eyes. “My most popular series is probably Dark Olympus. As a queer teen, I was obsessed with Greek mythology and-”

“Wait,” Alex said suddenly, his eyes widening, “you’re George St. James?”

It was Henry’s turn to be surprised. “Wait, are you seriously saying you read that series?”

“Dude, I’ve read everything you’ve ever written, even the straight stuff! The Beast was part of my bisexual awakening!” Alex exclaimed. He leaned forward, smacking the back of the seat, and said, “Nora, June! This guy is George St. James.”

The two women spun around, June saying, “No way! Oh my God, I just finished rereading Blood on the Tide from your Crimson Sails series. I’m obsessed! Please tell me you’re working on another book soon because I need it like yesterday.”

“Seriously,” Nora seconded, her curls bouncing as she nodded. “We’ll give you whatever you want if you give us advanced copies.”

Henry must be in a coma, and this was some bizarre dream his drug-addled mind conjured before his siblings pulled the plug. How else could he be sitting in an SUV with one of the most popular bands in the country, who are apparently fans of his books? Penelope and Grace turned their heads as well, Grace giggling, “Are you talking about Uncle Henry’s smutty books? Our mum says we aren’t allowed to read them.”

“With good reason,” Henry said sternly, looking at his bemused nieces. He returned his attention to the trio and said, baffled, “I’ll get with my agent? God, this is so bizarre. I can’t believe you’ve read my books.”

“It’s all Alé’s fault,” Nora said, winking at the singer. “When he finds something he likes, his little ADHD brain latches onto it and falls down an obsession rabbit hole.”

“Shut up, Nora,” Alex said through clenched teeth. The calm and confident veneer from earlier was shattered, and Henry marveled at how alarmingly human Alex was then. But, to Henry’s immense frustration, that made him all the more charming and attractive. He needed to get a grip. This was nothing. It wasn’t ever going to be anything. This was just three very kind young popstars sharing a meal with two fans and their awkward-as-dog’s-bullocks uncle, and that was it.

Again: Nicholas Galitzine, this is all your fault.

Cover Art because I'm a nerd and enjoy having art for my stories on here:

[bardic-tales]

Content Warning: Grief, Death, Cancer, Loss of a Loved One, Familial Disconnection, Cancer, Death of a Pet, Funeral, Emotional Distress, Mental Health Struggles, Self-Blame, Isolation, Prolonged Mourning, Absence of Closure, Regret

This is a little something I wrote today. It's hard to believe my grandfather will be gone a year in Jan. I needed to try to write something about this today. I also want to sort of apologize for the somberness that I've been in lately. This time of the year is going to be so hard for me, since this is when the huge chunk of deaths occurred over 2 years.

Writing always makes me feel a little better as it helps me visualize what is bothering me.

It's been almost a year now since my grandfather passed. The anniversary of his death is approaching, and I still feel the weight of that absence. I remember when I got that call from my mother. She said, "Pap's gone." I was in my apartment with my husband and daughter, the distance that had grown since I moved was ever more real in that moment.

Throughout this time, I have noticed one thing. My family had already moved on, but I am stuck, stuck in the moment where I was told he had slipped away, still unable to move past it. So, I pretend. I throw myself into my fandoms, into my Sephica content, and into Final Fantasy as a whole to forget that I am still unable to move past it.

It's strange how life goes on for everyone around you in your family, but you remain frozen in a place of grief. My mom and my aunts had their time to grieve, to process, to say goodbye in the ways that they needed. They were there when he passed, of course, sitting with him in those final moments, holding his hand. But I wasn't.

Mom let me know when I called on Thanksgiving that Pap was in the hospital for two weeks. They watched as the cancer ravaged his body. Yet I was still at home, at my apartment, 6 hours from the hospital, anxiously waiting for the release of Rebirth. I feel like a fool: an idiot who doesn't know what's important. Excited to see the changes in the game and whatever content for Bianca and Sephiroth I could make. Maybe, that is why this ship is so important to me? I don't know.

It's not like I didn't want to go, either. I wanted to be there for him, for my family, but the weather had turned. The snow began to fall heavily. The roads were dangerous, and my grandmother -- who had always been the strong and practical one as she is where I get my strength -- called me repeatedly the week leading up to the funeral to tell me not to risk it. That they didn't want to bury me, my daughter, and my husband, too. She said that Pap wouldn't have wanted me to drive in that weather, especially since we were having Lake Effect snow. I heard her voice crack on the phone as she said, "Don't come, Nikki. Stay home. Pap wouldn't want you to risk yourself."

Of course, she was right. I knew he wouldn't have wanted me to take that risk: or risk my own little family. But, in some way, it felt like I have been denied closure. At the time, I was okay with it. I was the strong one up here and pushed down my feelings to be there for my daughter. I couldn't attend the funeral. I couldn't' say goodbye. And even now, I haven't brought myself to go back to the house or even really call home. You see, when I called home, it would be Pap who answered and we would talk about whatever projects he had done around the house. Now, it's just . . . silence. And facebook? I haven't been on there as the last time I was there, I saw my uncle and his family on vacation to Disney Land three months after Pap's death. It's not like I begrudge them. I just can't understand how they did it.

How do you move on? My family, on the other hand, has managed to move forward. They went through the motions -- the wake, the funeral, the gathering of memories -- and they kept moving. It's what you're supposed to do, right? Life keeps moving. No matter how heavy the grief may be. They visited his grave, cleaned out his belongings, and settled his affairs. They've accepted it in a way that I just haven't been able to. And I feel . . . out of touch.

I haven't moved on. I can't help but feel there's a part of me that's still with him, a part of me that hasn't been able to let go of the man who used to take me on his UPS deliveries and tell me stories on our porch, who would show an interest in my books that I was writing even if he didn't understand what 'dark fantasy' was, and how to change a tire and other things with my hands. The man who would always have a kind word to say and whose presence made ME feel safer. How can I move on from that? A person can't.

In the last two years, there have been five deaths: five people and one animal I loved who are now gone. The first was my husband's 17-year-old cousin, killed in a fatal car crash where the driver, high at the time, was given only probation, sparing him jail time but stealing closure from our family. Then, Loki, my emotional support cat, passed on from cancer a month after his diagnosis, leaving a hole that no other animal can fill (even though Skye tries). I am still grieving him. My husband's aunt was next. She passed away from Covid on Thanksgiving, the same day I learned Pap had been hospitalized. Soon after, my grandfather passed, I found out that a mutual on here passed away too. She was always so warm and kind to everyone. These losses have stacked on top of each other, each one heavier than the last.

But still, I haven't gone home. Losing Pap was the final blow, a sharp and sudden reminder that not everything lasts forever. It's like if I go back, it will make it too real. Too final. I feel like I am stuck in limbo and the grief will not lessen. I can't stand the idea of seeing the chair he used to sit in empty or hearing the silence that has replaced his simple question 'How's the writing going, Coal?" Oh, how I hated that nickname growing up, but what I wouldn't give to hear it once more.

When I talk briefly to my family now, I hear the change in their voices and the way they've started to fill the gaps he left behind. My mom, who used to speak of him with so much love, has found a new rhythm in life. My grandmother also. I don't fault them for it. I know they're healing. But I'm still stuck in the snow surrounding his death, in that moment when I got that call, and still back in that space where he was here, still living in the before. Pap to me was not just a grandfather. He was my father in every sense of the word.

As the anniversary of his death approaches, I know I will have to face it. I have to face the fact that he's gone and that life continues to move, whether I am ready or not. My daughter is graduating this year. She has her pick of colleges. I should be happy and shouldn't have been crying all day, but that is the thing about grief? You don't know when it's going to strike.

Maybe, next year, I'll go home. Maye I'll find the courage to step through that door and finally say goodbye. But for now, I'm still holding onto the memory of him, still feeling that sting of absence in the quiet moments when I least expect it.

[theskee]

hi! i dont know if you answer asks or anything, but i just wanted to write in and say i love your works so much. i’m not sure if you’re on hiatus, if you have writer’s block or if you’re simply just busy — but ever since i’ve read your works my standards for fanfics have been raised to a point where it seems like nothing even compares.

i think you’ve moved on from writing them but i really miss your jotajosu fics, i was ADDICTEDDD and i might even go back and reread a few but im at a point in my life where i associate nothing but happy times with your fanfics because that’s how much joy they brought me when i read them. i downloaded bluesky just for you when you moved, but i barely use it, and i even check your ao3 periodically and i get a little sad when there arent uploads. but i hope you’re putting yourself first and doing well.

if your comms are open i would love to commission you for a jotajosu fic, i miss my boys so much and the fandom is dying. :(

WITH MUCH MUCH LOVE AND THE HIGHEST REGARDS!! ♡

I do answer asks! I always try to answer any asks or comments or messages I get. I'm just slow sometimes as life is very busy lol. I do not have the free time I used to. First of all, I'm very grateful you took the time to send such a kind message about my Jotajosu fics from a couple years ago. The time I spent working on them was something I really valued and treasured. I learned a lot in the like. Almost two years I spent working on fic after fic. There were like 50 of them and over a million words. And that's just the stuff that I wound up publishing lol. To know that it was enjoyed is nice, especially since positive feedback got really thin on the ground toward the end of my time with the pairing before I ultimately decided to leave that fan space. I have been less than active for a good chunk of the year as I was going through a lot in my personal life. I didn't exactly intend to go on hiatus but I guess it kind of is an unintentional one. I burned out hard after my time with Jotajosu and life has certainly done a good job of keeping that burnout rolling. I am trying to work on fic again, slowly but surely poking away and new stuff now that I've moved on completely from jotajosu. I am sorry to hear that my lack of activity is a bummer. Trust me, it bums me out, too. But fanwork is one of those things that I use to de-stress and it requires the right balance of inspiration, free time, and motivation, which has been hard to come by this past year. I'm very very tired lol. And yes, I have definitely been putting myself first. I have been writing fanfiction and original work since I was 12, so the better part of 21 years at this point. I live and breathe the creative craft, but I go through periods of rest that tend to be pretty long stretches at times. My AO3 upload history will speak to that lol. To know my work touched people, entertained, and provided a joy that brings back fond memories, is the highest compliment I could possibly receive. I hope to one day make original works and get published. That's the real dream, for sure. I no longer do any kind of commissions, I simply don't have the time. And I wouldn't be able to deliver the same kind of quality of writing if I made myself write in spite of this. I've got a lot of distance between myself and Jotajosu now, and the spark for that particular pairing has definitely died out. I don't even really discuss the pairing in private with friends anymore. There's a lot of love there for the time I shared and the people I met. The friends I made. But the pairing itself is one that definitely has passed me by. I'm more focused on other things now, and most of them are writing projects I'm doing in private with a good friend for the sake of just, writing without limitations or boundaries or concerns for an audience. It's been really healing. But I do hope to get back into publishing fanfiction again soon. Thank you again, for your kindness. It means a lot to me. I hope you take care, anon. x Skee

[si-cucumber]

Mazz's Top 5 Shows (as of 8/23)

So I’ve been debating on letting my inner theater geek out on here for a while, but I also realize that....this is my blog so I can talk about whatever the hell I want to talk about.

If somehow you didn’t know already, I am and always have been a theater kid. I’ve been lucky enough to have seen tons of live theater in my day, whether it’s community, national tours, or in New York. And now that my current touring season is over, and I continue to gush over the amazing shows I’ve seen the past few months, I think it’s time for me to officially update my Top 5 Show list. 

5.) Six (US Tour)

So fun fact, I just saw this for the first time yesterday. I've been a fan of Six since it opened in the West End and waited super patiently for it to tour. It was entirely electric, the crowd was beyond into it, and the vocal talent was so stunning that I instantly bought tickets to see it again. That has never happened to me before. I was incredibly blown away and look forward to seeing it again next weekend lmao

4.) Next To Normal (Broadway, 2010)

This was my very first Broadway show on my first trip to New York. This was baby's first online fandom. Back in the day, my friends and I ruled the n2n category on FFnet. It was my first experience with fanfiction and fandom and it was fantastic. This show was everything angsty, teenage Mazz needed at the time. Being able to see the original cast and it being my first real Broadway show, it will always hold a special place in my heart!

3.) Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2023 Revival)

I saw this back in June when I went to New York last! Actually, the whole reason for my trip was just to see this, especially since I missed out on Josh Groban in Great Comet. The most star-studded cast I've ever seen, tons of heavy-hitters. Sweeney Todd was a favorite of teenage Mazz and his theater friends. We'd spend our weekends in my friend's basement performing "A Little Priest" to the best of our ability. Even though I know this show inside and out, I was still on the edge of my seat by the end. Annaleigh Ashford was the stand-out for me. She was robbed of that Tony.

2.) Beetlejuice (National Tour)

I saw this back in January with one of my best friends. I've loved this show since it debuted ages ago, and was probably the best show I saw this touring season! The absolute funniest show I've ever seen. Like, we were laughing so loud and hard I'm pretty sure we were annoying the people around us lmao. But nonetheless, it was an excellent production and I left dying to see it again (no...pun intended).

1.) Some Like It Hot (Broadway 2023)

I will never ever ever stop talking about this show. Hands down, best show I have ever seen. The amount of joy i felt for hours after seeing this was incredible. I was so lucky to see this during pride month, so I have a pride version of the playbill, which is so so special to me. It was so refreshing to see a classic, jazz musical again and the choreography? Insane. Like jaw dropping insane. The final chase sequence blew my mind.

But what struck me the most was seeing a queer actor onstage playing a canonically trans character. A character who was done so well and felt so organic. I saw this at the point in my transition where I really started presenting and dressing masculinely. I was the little awkward trans guy from Ohio, alone in the big city, sat at the front of the mezzanine hearing the crowd cheer for Daphne. After months of feeling dread about the state of this country and the fear of being outwardly trans, this was just...the perfect thing at the perfect time. The amount of gender euphoria I felt was incredible, it was so moving to me. It will always hold a special place in my heart and that is why it's my number one.

So that is my current list! Will it change? Probably at some point lmao. My next season starts in October, and I look forward to seeing what awaits me next.

[not-terezi-pyrope]

I’m back bitches!

You hear some rumblings off in the distance. You look up from your work and stare out into the distance... a strange shape is on the horizon...

Yup, I’m planning to go back to using my Tumblr more regularly, after all but abandoning my long-time Homestuck blog at the end of 2019. To this end I have revamped the blog/theme somewhat. I will explain more about why I left, why I’m back, and what I will be doing with this blog below the cut!

Back in 2019 I was having real issues with the fandom culture on tumblr, and in an effort to engage less with Bad Discourse I moved to twitter, where I have been semi-active ever since. However, in that time I have come to multiple realizations:

Twitter is just as bad if not worse than tumblr was/is.

Twitter is worse than tumblr in pretty much all ways regardless, especially now Elon is in charge.

I am better at handling bizarro fandom discourse these days, especially as I am no longer so heavily involved in fandom/Homestuck fandom zeitgeist as I used to be.

Fandom/social media as a whole is slightly less bad in this regard than it was a few years ago, in some circles at least.

That said, fair warning, I will still be curating my social media experience so as to avoid as much of the Bad Discourse as possible, especially “anti-ship”/”purity culture” styles of thinking. I am generally extremely open to freedom of fictional expression if appropriately tagged and warned for, which may be variously described by the (endlessly misused and bastardized but still maybe useful) “pro-ship” or “pro-fic” labels, so if you are going to yell at me for anything along those lines please kindly unfollow and do not.

The former purpose of this blog was essentially exclusively for Homestuck fan content - I said in the past that I would be branching out more, but I never really fully ended up moving away from this being primarily a Homestuck blog. I... may still not do that in practice, because I still like reblogging Homestuck fanworks, but I won’t feel constrained to only that. I will likely be interacting with friends more and talking about a lot more diverse things, so set expectations accordingly.

Lastly, life updates! I remain a trans woman, and since I last seriously posted here I have started HRT (yay!). I also graduated from my comp-sci program, and am now doing postgraduate studies to do with Machine Intelligence. (On that note, seeing as it is a current hot-button issue, my opinions on AI are a lot more positive than seems to be the current social media consensus, but I am happy to justify my thoughts on the issue, which is more complex than people typically tend to present it (there is a lot of misinfo flying around)).

Oh, and here is what I look like these days!

See you around!

[the-mspfa-200-favourites-project]

Jailbreak^2: Beyond Canon

We’re at the last one. I’ve got to say, this has gotten me so far into flashbacks to the bad old days of the fandom that I’m not really looking forward to this one, especially not since I tried it once before and I. did not enjoy it. But to complete this tour of the Zeitgeist (at least, for now), we must present wearily…Jailbreak^2: Beyond Canon.

Already, it’s pulling out all the stops. I’m pretty sure this title screen wasn’t here, but it’s neat…the pumpkins scrolling by, the bopping soundtrack as a youtube embed shows you all the cool characters and critters you’re about to meet…unfortunately, I am haunted by the visions of the past attempt where I bounced off of this so hard last time…so I am wary, even here…also, the title screen kind of felt like one of those demo attract modes you got from older games, so I guess that’s cool?

The previous “Homestuck^2 Sucks” Fanadventures were not as dedicated to the craft of imitating and mocking the actual real Homestuck^2. Sure, one of them had a straight up manifesto of an intro, but from what I could tell from the dialogue underneath all the broken picture links, it wasn’t actually attempting to, like, deliberately copy beat for beat the intro of Homestuck^2. This webcomic is 100% doing that, though.

I already can’t get a vibe on this thing. Is it…wanting me to think that MSPAReader is in the right? Because it does feel that way at the beginning of their Dirk monologue, but then literally right after they say something that could be construed as like a “Yeah that’s right you tell em” moment for some readers, it drops “where we could make ableist jokes and get away with it,” which is not exactly…an endearing statement to make, honestly, if you are being sincere in your monologue…so it has to be insincere, right? But even if it *is* being insincere (which it totally is, or atleast, insincerity blankets this entire thing in a toxic atmosphere in general), it’s really…not a good start to the fanadventure. There’s this anger, not quite as blatant as the last Fanadventure I looked at, sure, but still there, bubbling under the surface.

Yeah this is like. The worst irony poisoned thing I’ve come across so far. At least…at least Cool and New Webcomic had a hook, a premise, you know? I get *why* this would be popular, and still popular, amongst some fans in the fandom, but I am not amongst said group of fans. Yeah this thing is surly, and I feel like it’s infecting ME with it’s surly and grump move. I’ve got to get out of here…

[barbatos-sama]

now that i'm not associated with that one person who i was informed might be a kiddie creepo anymore, i feel more comfortable with saying i am confident they were faking DID. i used to kinda fall into the trap that it's an intracommunity issue and someone without it should Never accuse someone else of faking but bruh sometimes it's So obvious someone straight up does not have something. especially upon further researching the specifics of DID, the stuff they were saying was kind of ridiculous. they'd basically say they had alters of every character from whatever media they were currently fixated on, and every time they'd move fandoms suddenly new alters would pop up even though they weren't experiencing any ongoing trauma. then conveniently when they'd grow out of whatever fandom they were in, their alters would go away. they'd make tons of drawings of their supposed alters that basically just looked like oc reference sheets, and adding up all the alters from all the media they had they probably had at Least two hundred of them. they said they had no trauma that caused it and that they also didn't experience memory loss which is like The thing that categorizes DID and separates it from other dissociative disorders. they'd also get into discourse basically saying that nobody is allowed to question anyone who says they have DID and if they do they're horrible people, and this branch of the community seems to even demonize professionally diagnosed people; basically there seems to be a split between diagnosed and self-diagnosed people and they seem to view diagnosed people as the meanies who question them, even if said meanies don't even do it in a persecutory way, just suggesting that perhaps they're mistaking their symptoms for DID when they could have another personality disorder or dissociative based disorder. which, i do believe a decent chunk fakers may genuinely believe they have it, especially since i've gone down a rabbit hole of self admitted fakers talking about the specifics of why they did it, and a lot of them describe discord servers or other communities based around DID where people basically enable each other and try super hard to convince newcomers they have DID and even kick out people who realize they don't actually have it, and it legit sounds cultlike.

i just needed to ramble about it because maybe i sound like an asshole but there really is a phenomenon in the past tenish years where a certain mental illness becomes cool and trendy and suddenly everyone has it and then they grow out of it and move on to the next trendy disorder. like i think it really started with the b p d epidemic in the 2010s and then it switched to tourette's and now DID is the current in-thing which is wild because it's such a hard disorder to fake but they're still trying anyway and all they're doing is acting like caricatures of what real DID is like and making real ppl with DID look bad. i just kinda had to sit there and watch this person get into this cringey shenanigans and tolerate it because they gave me money so often ahdhdhfj

[abiiors]

ok i had a full nights sleep. i am coherent. i am fixing to copy/paste the tweets here for your enjoyment. its a lot.

ok so parx twit had a “trend” on unpopular opinions about the band during the sneaking out of heaven tour (their most recent one) one person said this

“Had to be said. You forgot his over dependence on nyquil and sleep drugs that borderlines abuse, he claims he's straight edge though ✨”

she deleted and posted a noted app apology

“Hey friends, I'm writing this to you, not just as an apology for writing dumb shit on twitter with no thought behind it, but to also share that I do suffer from my own personal addiction to pain medication, and have been since I was 17. Addiction is a real thing, it's a problem and it should be talked about, but not at the expense of others and making baseless assumptions. We all know where false acusations can lead, and it's never a good time. I've been reflecting on my previous inflammatory tweet about Awsten and his use of Nyquil and I want to say that I am truly sorry for my, dumb, offensive and very thoughtless tweet. I didn't stop to think before I wrote something so dumb and hurtful and I'm sorry for that. I'm not perfect, l'm human and I make mistakes. I know I fucked up hard and I'm sorry to anyone that was offended by my words. I can delete a tweet, but I can't take away the fact that I wrote it, and that it's out there causing anger to people, so l'm acknowledging that, and owning my mistakes. I am also very greatful to the people that took the time to educate me on this, I always appreciate any guidance. Moving forward I want to do better, internet etiquette is hard to get right especially when you're in a fandom spanning multiple generations and culture's but l'm definately gonna try harder.”

awsten saw the tweets and now that tour has been over for a while he has responded.

“HEY AND BTW WHEREVER THAT ACORNBRAIN WALMARTMOUTH BREATHING TWITTER DULLED CLOWN IS AT THAT SAID I HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM BC I TAKE ZZZQUIL TO SLEEP IN A BUS ON A THIN ASS MATTRESS, I APPRECIATE UR CONCERN AND I HAVENT HAD ANY SINCE TOUR ENDED, YOU CURED ME OF MY ADDICTION”

“GET COOKED WORMBREATH DUMBASS !!! I HOPE YOURE LIKE 14 BECAUSE IF YOURE OPERATING LIKE THIS AT FULLY GROWN, I FEEL SO SAD FOR YOU HAHA PAINT DRINKER”

he quoted a tweet with this after that.

“THIS AND THEN SELF-RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE SMELLING BLOOD IN THE WATER SWOOP IN TO PAT THEMSELVES ON THE BACK AND ABSOLVE THEM LIKE A PRIEST SAYING "we weren't trying to cancel u we wanted to hold you accountable thank you" LMFAO0000000 I LAUGH EVERY TIME, ITS A FULL CIRCLE OF STUPID”

“it's either a notes app apology or an "i'm taking a break" and they go priv and come back in like two days” ^quoted tweet

he also tweeted a picture of a confessional with “you are… forgiven”

“DUMBEST HILLS HAVE EYES MUTANTS ON HERE WILL BE LIKE “uM personally i think he is so immature and Anyone should be allowed to say Anything and Everything at All Times with no repercussions” SIKE BITCH THIS IS THE REAL WORLD OPEN YOUR EYES”

the person who tweeted what hes talking about is between 32-34 and followed them for a majority of the us tour. they flew in from australia for it. somebody tweeted the photo of the tweet that caused him to say that cropped so the persons @ was cut out and his response to that was

“NO MORE CROPPING NAMES, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, WE SHAME IDIOTS, WE SHAPE THE FUTURE”

“WORLD PEACE

IM OUT”

her response to the paint drinker shit was

“loved waking up to you caling me an idiot, thanks Awsten. This fucked up my mental health something fierce and put me in a really bad place”

“Woke up and burst into tears, thanks Awsten”

and a “Awsten what the fuck”

hold on ill link a few of my favorite tweets from the situation because now what the fuck tweet is a whole fuckin joke.

https://x.com/lowkeyashan/status/1782178428982059407?s=46

https://x.com/aioevera7/status/1782185227428729005?s=46

https://x.com/tantrxmbee/status/1782170160209531077?s=46

-🦞

okay what i'm about to say might be a bad an unpopular take because i only have the context that you've given me in this ask so idk if this user used to be disliked before this, or used to be beloved or super popular or whatever else.

anyway i think awsten is... in the wrong here.

this is not to say that the user who tweeted about his alleged drug addiction is saintly and pure and innocent, that was a fucked up tweet to make regardless of if awsten would have seen and/or responded.

however... if i was a popular celeb with a wholeass fandom i would NEVER say these things publicly like sure i understand being mad that someone is talking to flippantly about drug use and speculating about your drug use online but then to go ahead and call them a bunch of names as well as essentially weaponise your fanbase in a way where they're now making memes about this person, making fun of them etc. i'm glad they're not 14 like he said but he didn't know if they were 14 or not, what if they were super young... what if someone who's barely a teenager had to deal with this not only from someone they adore but also from a whole fandom they considered their own??

anyway... yeah i hope tweetuser is fine and i'm glad there's no addiction here. ooofff that's a messy situation wow 😬

[kiss-my-freckle]

Stelenas saying Delena aren't like Pacey and Joey because they're toxic makes me laugh since Julie called Damon the show's Pacey and she wrote DC and shipped Joey with Pacey while Kevin shipped her with Dawson. I also think it's stupid how they hate on Damon for things like Elena walking in on him in 3x1 even though Pacey watched Joey take her clothes off in 1x10. Fandoms involving love triangles between siblings are more toxic than ones without, especially TVD, because I don't see the same amount of hypocritical nonsense in other fandoms or people making as big of a deal about many things they would if it was TVD. When they use personal issues to attack certain characters while letting ones like Stefan off the hook for the same it reinforces this idea in society where people side with people they like to assume they couldn't treat someone else badly and silence someone else who's mistreated. This parallel between them in season 6 is beautiful:

I've never really put much faith in all that "if you love someone, set them free" crap, as evidenced by everything I've done in my life up to this very moment, but I am determined to be happy, Joey. Happy in this life. And I love you. I mean, I always-- I have always, always loved you. But our timing has just never been right. And the way I figure it, time is no man's friend. So I have to get right with that and be happy, now. Because this is it. I mean, this is all that we get. If there's one thing I've learned from losing Jen, that's what I've learned. Actually, um, hold on. I'm not done yet. Because I also want for you to be happy. It's really important for me that you be happy. So I want you to be with someone, whether it be Dawson or New York guy or some man that you haven't even met yet. But I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself. I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. So, I guess the point to this long run-on sentence that's been the last 10 years of our lives... is just that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So you're off the hook./When you became a vampire, part of me was thrilled because suddenly there was this possibility I could have you in my life forever, but then the other part of me was devastated because I realized you'd lost the life that you wanted to have. And since I've been gone, you've gotten part of that life back. You're thriving, you're happy. Yeah, sure. Maybe you'd be happy if we gave it another chance, but the truth is is... You're better off without me. I died. You started over. I need you to live your life. Be happy. I love you, Elena. Enough to let you go.

You know, for the record I, I don't wanna be let off the hook. Cause everything in my life that I've done has led me here, right now. And the last thing I want, need or deserve is to be let off somebody's hook./Look. I've... made some huge mistakes in my life. Being with you wasn't one of them, and, yes, I had Alaric compel away my love for you, and, yes, I did love Stefan once. The night I died, Matt was driving me back to him, and yet I found my way back to you. Damon, I somehow always find my way back to you. It doesn't matter if I have memories or not. It doesn't matter if I'm a vampire or not.

Please don't miss my point here 'cause—/You're just saying that because you can't change what you are.

And don't miss mine. Pacey, I love you, you know that. And it's very real. It's so real that it's kept me moving, mostly running from it, never ready for it… and I love Dawson, he's my soul mate. He's tied to my childhood... and it's a love that is pure and eternally innocent. I can't be let off the hook because I just might get the notion that it's ok to keep running./No, Damon. I don't care what human me would have done because she's not here. I am. And if the past is a place without you and me together, then stop living in it.

Damon is Pacey, and they have a lot of great parallels.

I honestly blame Elena for walking in on Damon in 3x1. While he did know she was there, she would've had the respect to knock any other time. She walked through his door without knocking because she got another lead on Stefan and completely disregarded Damon in the process. Same level of disregard Lexi had when she pushed Stefan into that bar, not once considering the fact that it might be a bad time for Damon, so they ran into sired Charlotte and her dinner. Yeah, Elena earned seeing Damon naked.

[purrincess-chat]

Cat’s Writing Advice for Beginners: Do’s and Don’t’s

I mentioned a while back possibly posting some writing advice and sharing some of the things I’ve learned over the years as a writer. I’ve been writing since I was 11 years old (though not entirely consistently since then), and I have been writing pretty consistently for the past 6-7 years. I’m by no means a “professional” writer. I’ve never had anything published, but I have learned a lot writing for fandom, so if you’re looking to start writing or maybe level up your writing in fandom spaces, here are some beginner level tips that might help you!

DO create a new paragraph for new subjects. 

If you’re writing dialogue especially, follow the rule: new speaker, new paragraph. No one wants to read a big block of text and try to piece together who is speaking.

Correct: “Hey, you should read some of Cat’s writing on AO3,” Adrien said. 

“I’ve heard she has some great Ladrien content coming this summer.” Marinette nodded in agreement. 

Incorrect: “Do you think we’ll ever defeat Hawkmoth?” Ladybug asked. “Of course, m’lady! We’re an unstoppable team,” Chat Noir said. Ladybug smiled at her partner and took a deep breath. “You’re right. We won’t lose.”

DON’T swap character POVs within the same scene.

I am guilty of doing this in the past, and I think a lot of fandom writers are as well. I’ll give you an example from my own writing of what NOT to do:

His gaze flicked back down to her lips, and he leaned in once more, gently touching his lips to hers. A hand cupped her face, tenderly caressing her cheek while the other slid around her waist, and as much as she knew she shouldn’t, she let herself pretend that this was real. That Adrien loved her, and that they were really together.

For one small fraction of time, she didn’t worry about how much it would hurt later. How her heart would shatter and break when all was said and done. How painful it would be when she and Adrien went their separate ways, and she’d watch as he moved on with someone else.

She didn’t care. All that mattered to her were the soft lips entwined with her own, the gentle yet eager way he pulled her closer, tilting his head until his tongue slipped between her lips and made contact with hers. The soft moan that rumbled in his throat as she dared to reach up to curl her fingers through his golden locks that urged him to kiss her deeper until her back was against the couch as he pressed against her. The hungry way his tongue danced with her own and the breath shared between them that became heavier as they held tighter, hands knotting fistfuls of clothing and hair as what was meant to be a gentle melody evolved into a symphony.

Neither one cared to slow down. Adrien found himself just as lost in her as she was him, and he didn’t want to stop.

Marinette was a friend, a fact he knew this quite well, but something in this felt right. Kissing her was exhilarating and fun, and he had to admit, it felt pretty good. However, as was customary for his life, all good things came swiftly to an end, and when Nathalie cleared her throat forcefully, he felt the haze parting.

Pulling away, his eyes locked with Marinette’s who seemed just as dazed and confused as he did, and he realized how unconsciously entwined they’d become and quickly pushed away with flushed cheeks. Nathalie barely batted an eye as he looked up at her, wiping saliva from his mouth and fussing with his hair.

“But you just said new subject, new paragraph!” --Yes, but! When you’re writing a particular scene, it’s best to stick in one character’s POV at a time. If you must include a separate POV, use a scene break to indicate to your reader that you are changing POVs. Scene breaks can be anything from a series of dashes ------ or I personally tend to use ******* whatever floats your boat. 

As shown above, the start of their kiss is in Marinette’s POV, and the end of the kiss is in Adrien’s POV. Don’t do that. Pick one and stick to it. Jumping from character to character like that is known as “head-hopping,” and it can be jarring for the reader. it’s why idk how anyone can stand to read my fake dating au anymore it’s so bad omg 

Most importantly when you are writing a story with multiple POVs, you must establish whose head we are in immediately in a new scene. If you’re jumping from Marinette to Adrien, the beginning of your new scene should immediately let the reader know they are now following Adrien. **Note: This advice is for writing in a POV known as third-person limited. If you are writing third-person omniscient, this is a bit different, but that is a post for another day. 

DO learn the difference between action tags and dialogue tags

This is something I only learned within the past couple years. When writing dialogue, there are different ways that you can “tag” them. Dialogue tags tend to display how a character is speaking, so things like “said, shouted, whispered, groaned, asked.” Dialogue tags are usually preceded by a comma. I demonstrated this earlier in my first example, so we’ll use it.

“Hey, you should read some of Cat’s writing on AO3,” Adrien said.

This is an example of a dialogue tag. You’re simply just stating who said the dialogue. If you’re using a pronoun instead of the character’s name, be sure it’s lowercased. Ex:

“Hey, you should read some of Cat’s writing on AO3,” he said. 

Action tags are a bit different. Action tags are exactly what they sound like. They demonstrate actions that a character is taking either before, during, or after speaking. The dialogue preceding action tags is punctuated with a period. (unless it’s a question or if you’re using a “!”) Ex:

“I’ve heard she has some great Ladrien content coming this summer.” Marinette nodded in agreement. 

This is an action tag. You understand Marinette is speaking, but over-using dialogue tags can get boring to the reader, especially if your characters are having a long conversation. Action tags are often used to break up the monotony of a scene and also add movement, so it doesn’t look like your characters are just floating heads talking in a white room. (White room syndrome).

You can also opt not to tag a piece of dialogue at all, and there are instances where this is preferable. However, if you’re not going to tag who is speaking, it must be apparent who is speaking. Example:

“Hey, do you want to catch a movie with me this afternoon?” Marinette asked.

Adrien sighed, shoulders slumping. “I can’t. My father scheduled a photoshoot.”

“That’s okay. Maybe another time.”

In this example, you can infer that Marinette said the untagged dialogue. It helps break up some of that monotony as well during a long conversation. (I also moved Adrien’s action tag to the front to avoid overloading on “” at the beginning of every paragraph).

DON’T put your punctuation outside of the quotation marks. As you can see in all of the above examples, punctuation goes inside the quotes. 

Correct: “I love helping Cat demonstrate how to write proper dialogue,” Adrien said.

Incorrect: “Punctuation is tricky, but you can do it”! Marinette cheered. 

If you guys found this helpful and would like to see more writing advice from me, let me know! I’m not professional by any means, but I’d say I’m probably an intermediate writer at this point. At the end of the day, fandom isn’t going to call you out if you head-hop or make a few minor mistakes (I mean, some people will, but most people don’t care). But clean writing can make your stories more attractive to readers and help you grow as a writer if it’s something you want to continue. 

[awsugar]

I don’t understand why some big mcr blogs slate anyone who believes gerard and frank had a thing, like our view didn’t arise from nowhere there’s clearly evidence that has led us to think this. I get disliking those who push frerard in frank and Gerard’s faces (barely anyone does this nowadays) but slating people for believing they had something in the past is kinda ridiculous imo. Franks solo music speaks volumes but if you read into it you’re demonised as a frerardie

mmmmm am i down to clown today... ok i will speak.

actually im going to put this under a cut bc my last ask was a long one and i feel like i am going to talk about this for way too long bc its 1am and im honestly a little tipsy.

note: i just finished answering this it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time and i dont think the person who asked this is even going to read it but i apparently have a lot of thoughts and no one ever wants to listen to me lol 

firstable yea actually unfortunately anytime they do a livestream, or anytime anyone SOMEHOW RELATED to them does a livestream. there are ppl in the chat talking about frerard. they both have comments off on insta now, i didnt actually read the comments that much and franks have been off for ages but im positive there were people in the comments talking about frerard. i mean fuck, franks LAST tweet he qrted someone who tagged him in the replies of a pic of The Kiss. so i mean yea its definitely not a majority but it still happens extremely frequently.

this is like. genuinely really funny to me bc im sure frank didnt see it, i think he knows enough not to look at the chat for the most part. but the moral is that its 2021 and people STILL dont know how to act. i wont go on about it but it actively enrages me anytime i watch a stream. rule one of real person fandoms is keep all that shit in your fan spaces. which is actually why i prefer tumblr. none of them are on here. actively engaging in mcr fandom on twitter is too close for comfort, especially since frank follows a handful of my friends and also like. knows me.

so like moral of my most times unavoidable wall of text is that ppl are right to be frustrated with the fans who act this way. i am extremely frustrated with them. and i think for the people who have never like tinhatted or anything, this type of behavior stands out and makes an impression and becomes the like. poster child for ppl who are like 'hmmmmm but what if.' about the frank and gerard stuff.

anyway, moving on, i think a lot of peoples hang up is that they view it as rpf. which i have a couple things to say about actually. its no secret that i have read a lot of rpf. i had never heard of fanfiction until i started getting into mcr in 2008. that was my introduction. and at the time, in that community, it was completely normal. and it was for a loooooooooong time. i knew of people who didnt read fic or felt weird about it but the majority of people i interacted with DID read fic. and on top of that, the people who didn;t were nothing like they are today. we all got along. no one was like demonizing people who did read fic. in 2012 when i think mcr tumblr was at its peak, ALL of the most popular blogs were "frerardies" (hate that term). they all talked about and recced fic and a lot of them wrote it too. everyone had a boyfriends tag. anyway when i came BACK to the mcr fandom in 2016 after a couple years away post-breakup it was still like that. people talked about fic all the time and you didnt have to like, hide it in fear of being labeled as a terrible person.

i always discussed this stuff, fic and theories, openly on this blog. for YEARS. the first time i noticed the rpf shift was 2019 tbh, when my blog was suspended and i (not related) had a mental health crisis and i spent a handful of months off tumblr, when i remade on a different blog suddenly it seemed like people were like noooo you cant talk about that. ppl who read fic are disgusting. if you think something happened between them you're homophobic. i was like honestly baffled bc i didnt know how it had seemingly changed so much in a matter of like 4 months or so. but thats the society we live in now lmao.

anyway the other thing about rpf is that i think most of these people are hypocrites. bc almost everyone makes an exception for unholyverse. theyre like ok i will dabble in the most popular fic and see what its about while still demonizing the people who read OTHER fics. like ugh.

also i have noticed its an age thing. a lot of the time. almost every mcr fan i personally interact with or know, which is a lot of people, read fic, used to read fic and just sort of grew out of it, and/or (usually and) believe something happened between them. but everyone i interact with is an adult and all of my closer friends are long time mcr fans like me. i feel like the percentage of fans who are minors who are extremely anti-rpf is way higher than the percentage of adults. and i think thats just due to the fan culture we grew up with and the fact that young people a lot of times are like..it seems very performative in an attempt to be the least problematic person that ever lived.

also random side note its really funny to keep updated with this debate on twitter. they literally yoyo there. frerard is ok on a bi-weekly basis.

anyway back to what i was originally saying which was that people view tinhatting as rpf and therefor not okay. which like idk maybe i sound crazy but i also always said this when i was in the phandom and discussing like dan and phil and whether or not they were soulmates before they came out, i don't think tinhatting is rpf. or like. idk theres a part of me that can see why people think rpf is a bad thing even though if i was famous i wouldnt care if people wrote fics about me. but like. analyzying the real life things that people have done and said in public (important). in order to try to contextualize their relationship or understand that dynamic better. well i mean first of all its not fiction. but like i do think its a lot different than writing explicit bdsm fic about them.

and i know a lot of the people on here who dont like actively participate in these conversations do like. see where we're coming from. with the frank lyrics and millions and like all of that stuff. they just dont talk about it. i mean *I* have stopped mostly talking about it at all unless its vague, due to the current climate and opinion. and sometimes we'll all have a moment of hysteria where we've all decided its ok to speak about. me right now apparently.

anyway im positive no one read all of this. i need to learn how to be brief but ive been saying that my whole life. but you're right. to me its clear that there's a bigger story behind it than frank and gerard just being buddies who were in a band together. a logical conclusion. and i wish we could just all get along again instead of people being sooooo mad about it.

[bubblegumfanfictions]

Falling in Love again.

Fandom- Bleach

Ships- Kisuke Urahara x Reader

Warnings- Some language, Implied Sexual Assault, Past sexual Assault.

Summary- Imagine a tally mark appearing on your skin every time you fall in love. When your tally mark is Red then it's onesided, Black then the love is returned. If it is scarred then your love ended traumatically.

You have a scarred tally mark and a red tally mark, the red one being for Kisuke Urahara.

Word Count- 3,928

You led in bed staring down at your wrist where a single red tally mark decorated your skin. In this world, a tally mark showed your love. People who fell in love easily were littered with marks, whereas the people who were only in love with one person would have one. If the mark is red it's unrequited, if it was Black then the person you love returns your feelings.

Your singular red mark was for Kisuke Urahara, a friend of your friends. You went to his shop with your friends whenever they needed something from him seeing as that seemed to be your only excuse to see him. You didn't want to come across as weird for visiting on your own. Especially when you have no real powers like the others.

Annoyingly you had one other mark on your arm, a scarred tally mark, one from your ex. In this world a scarred tally would mean that your love for them ended very abruptly and traumatically. No one knew about that tally, you were very good at keeping it hidden, whether it was with a well placed bracelet or a long sleeved shirt.

Rolling onto your side you let out a huff. It hurts, it shouldn't but it does. Knowing that the one man you love doesn't feel the same way. You barely get to see him since your friends don't visit that often. But you'll take whatever time you can with him even if you don't get to talk.

Well, only time will tell.

---

"Y/N!!!" A fist slammed against the door multiple times as Ichigo's voice yelled your name. "C'mon man! We've gotta get to Hat 'n' Clogs!" Sleepily, you raised your head taking a glance out of your open window.

"Wh-what for?" The early morning rasp in your voice made it a note or so deeper than it actually was. You stretched out and hopped out of bed throwing on the nearest clothing you had, which happened to be a (f/c) long knit sweater, a pair of black leggings and some brown boots.

"Y/N! We haven't got all day, move your ass!" You shook your head and ran out of the house not brushing your hair, figuring you could comb it down with your fingers on the way there.

By the time you got there you realised there was no point fixing your hair until you got inside in the first place. It was so windy outside that your hair just kept blowing around which made it worse than before. "Hey, come in guys." You froze for a moment as heat rushed to your face, you brushed a small amount of hair over your face, hoping he didn't notice it.

Quickly yet quietly you walked into the shop following behind Ichigo whilst you brushed down your hair. Kisuke stopped you briefly "You missed a spot." and with nimble hands, he began to flatten down your hair. "There, done." He gave you his signature grin, placing a hand onto the small of your back leading you to the rest.

Once Kisuke leads you to your friends he then gets down to business. “So, I am assuming you guys are here for the training grounds, right?” The ginger he questioned nods his head. You didn’t have any special abilities at all, but your friends knew you were great moral support and a generally good person so they let you in on their secret.

Most of the time you find days like this one quite boring, sure you’d get to see Kisuke but you usually have nothing to do. On some days you would help Tessai, Jinta and Ururu with their work or well, in Jinta and Ururu’s case, you would do their work for them.

When your friends finish training and all head home Kisuke typically gives you something for your time. At first he would give you the equivalent of minimum wage for the amount of work you do but recently (due to finding out your love for (favourite collectable)) he would end up getting you those instead.

The boys and Orihime go down into the training room, leaving you upstairs in the shop with Kisuke. “So, um… Is there anything you need me to do today?” you asked in your typically meek voice. Being with Kisuke made you so nervous you could barely talk, so being able to say that was a blessing.

Kisuke tilted his hat back with his thumb as he thought about things you could do around the shop. “Not that I can think of, for once Jinta and Ururu did the work I assigned for them.” You fake gasped at his comment. They finished their work… Early?

“No way, Jinta and Ururu finished their work? Damn that never happens.” Kisuke laughed at your comment and squeezed your shoulder. Yeah, when you did hang out with Kisuke alone you did have a lot of fun, but you still don’t like to intrude if you don’t have a reason to.

“Tell me about it.”

“Well what am I meant to do then?!” You dramatically waved your arms in the air in exasperation. When you did so Kisuke caught sight of the two tally marks and promptly grabbed your wrist.

“A Scar and a Red tally mark. I’m sure those are both fun stories.” He lightly massaged the scarred tally on your wrist making you flinch. He looked up at you in concern, dropping your arm. “Sorry.”

“It is fine, I’m just- No one has ever seen that before, as you can imagine I’m not particularly keen on anyone seeing that one..” You explain, rubbing the scar to try and ease some of the emotional turmoil.

“Does anyone know? Ichigo? Orihime? Chad?” He listed off some of your friends and to each one you shook your head. No one knew this, and you were planning on keeping it a secret from everyone, not even Kisuke was meant to know. “Would you mind telling me?” You shook your head once more. You didn’t even want to remember the scar, much less the asshole who caused it.

Kisuke rubbed your shoulder, trying to soothe your pain with a small smile on his face. "It's fine, you don't have to talk about it. But if you ever need to, I'll be happy to listen." Tears start to pool in your eyes, you've never spoken about it to anyone outside of your family, maybe it would be good. But not now.

You gave Kisuke a tight hug, the tears in your eyes spilling out. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." You kept repeating over and over into his chest. Kisuke was shocked at first but wrapped his arms around you, rubbing his fingertips up and down your spine to calm you down, his cheek pressed into your hair.

Both of you stayed that way for a while until you finally calmed down, letting go of the tall, green clad man. "I'm sorry about that- I should probably head home." You scrubbed at your eyes with the sleeve of your jumper with an appreciative smile on your face.

"Hey, it is fine." Kisuke messed up your hair with one of his hands. "It is nothing to worry about, just know that I am here if you need to talk. Just because you don't have powers doesn't mean you can't come here whenever you want to." He cups your face in his hands with a grin "YOU are an absolute pleasure to have here, okay?" You nodded your head, still too upset to really speak properly. "Good."

Kisuke walks you to the door once you calmed down enough and saw you out. "Hope to see you here soon, Y/N." You nodded your head.

"That will probably be when they come here again." You smiled at him, waving your hand as you walked home.

------- Timeskip to a week later. -------

You walk home from the shops as you keep looking down at the shopping list, making sure that you have everything. Your mother had asked you to go down because she forgot some ingredients she needed. It was getting a little dark and it was kind of scary being by yourself, but at the same time you did enjoy the peace and quiet.

"Ohhh, Look who it is." Your face paled, you knew that voice anywhere, he was the reason for the scar. "Why do you look so scared, don't you remember the fun we had together?" You bit your lower lip harshly, weighing out your options. Urahara's shop wasn't that far away so you could make a break for it, but you knew he was a fast runner.

With a groan you made your choice and dashed to the shop. "Oi! Get back here you stupid cunt!" Of course, you could hear the sound of heavy footfalls hitting the asphalt behind you, this was inevitable. But if you got close enough to the shop you knew that you'd be able to at least get someone's attention, whether it was Jinta, Ururu, Kisuke or Tessai.

"Oh, Y/n I knew you enjoyed our time together, you remembered how much I enjoyed the struggle. Although you were so much more compliant when you slept." You stopped dead in your tracks, you hated him, you hated thinking about him... About the things he has done and the fact that you loved him once. He laughed at your stop, you were almost right outside of the shop by this point, but that didn't matter.

"Do you finally agree with me Y/n? Do you finally see that it is all you're good for?" You were trembling by this point, not from fear, oh no; from pure hatred. You dropped the bag you were holding in your dominant hand and with a quick turn you put all of your anger into your movements and punched him in the face, knocking him to the floor.

Your body, however, was still shaking. You wanted to hurt him, you wanted to hurt him bad. How was it fair that he got out of the relationship with nothing yet you with a heart full of anxiety and fear. You readied yourself to hit him again with the fist that already had blood on it since you broke his nose when you heard a voice call out to you.

"Y/n? Y/n? Are you okay?" Your head turned towards the store, and stood in the doorway was none other than Kisuke Urahara. You didn't even look down at him. You sprinted as fast as you could to Kisuke, pushing him inside of the building before sliding the door shut.

You led your back against the door as you slid down it, landing yourself on the floor. Your eyes were wide, frightened- Kisuke has never seen you with that expression, you looked terrified. Knowing something was up, he locked the store up and left the room, coming back with a warm cup of tea, sitting next to you.

He handed you the cup and spoke with a quiet voice, trying not to scare you. "What was all that about? Are you okay?" You shook your head, keeping your face directed towards the cup in your hands, which were still trembling. "Did you want to talk about it once you're calmed down?" You nodded your head, Kisuke was silent for a few seconds, as if contemplating whether or not he should say anything. "Did you want a hug?" You nodded again.

Kisuke wasted no time wrapping his left arm around you to pull you into his side, he used his thumb to rub little circles into your side as his head rested on top of yours. "It'll be okay, Y/n. You'll be okay, just breathe. Whatever happened won't happen anymore, you're safe here." He kept whispering to you.

Eventually, you finished the drink he made you and hugged him back. His face was now completely in your hair as he kissed the top of your head. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Y-yeah, thank you..." You stuttered out, tired from what had just occurred.

"Good, if you want I can run you a bath and get you some fresh clothes. You can stay the night if you don't feel safe to head back, okay?" You nodded your head, but then you remembered your mother. As if reading your thoughts, Kisuke spoke up again. "I'll phone your mum while you're in the bath and fill her in, how does that sound?"

"That sounds good, thank you Kisuke." He rubbed your head and stood up, offering you his hand.

After your bath you had calmed down considerably, no longer shaking and being able to speak. Kisuke left some of his clothes folded up in the bathroom for you to change into (which you did). You sat on Kisuke's bed cross legged, trying to comprehend what happened today when there was a knock at the door. "Come in."

Kisuke walks into the room with your phone in his hand. "So I spoke to your mother, she said you could stay here for the night and that I should walk you home at some point tomorrow, or whenever depending on how long you want to stay." He sits next to you and continues. "She also told me who that guy was. Nothing about what happened, she just said that he is the scum of the earth."

You laughed "Yeah, that sounds about right. Due to what happened I don't ever call him my ex. Whenever anyone mentions him we just call him twat." Of course, Kisuke was very confused as to what happened but he already asked a few times so he didn't want to push it, but the look on his face told you everything. "I'll tell you what happened."

"You don't have to." He protested quickly, not knowing if it would upset you to talk about it.

"It is fine, I just have one condition. This is a very touchy subject for me so I was wondering if you could um--- how do I put this?" Kisuke chuckled, knowing what you meant, sitting back with you on his bed, pulling you into his side, much like when you were against the door.

"Take your time."

You took a deep breath and began. "He was my first boyfriend, if I can call him that. He was controlling, manipulative and abusive in more ways than one. He didn't let me talk about any guys, if I played a game wrong he would stop me from playing it. If he was horny I'd have to do something about it and so on... Well anyway, it got to the point where I-- I didn't want to do anything like that. He said he was fine with it... But-" Your breathing got heavier the further into explaining, tears began to form and fall from your eyes. You hated remembering this, but you were hoping that maybe this would be good in the long run.

"Hey, look at me." You hear Kisuke say gently as he turns your face to him. "I know it may not mean or do much but you're safe here, nothing is going to happen to you, I'll look after you, okay? There is no need to worry while you're here, but I do understand why you are." He rubs your head affectionately, hugging you tighter. "Like I said, take your time."

You relished in that hug and composed yourself before continuing. "He said he was fine with it, but one night I woke up and his hand was somewhere it shouldn't have been and his other hand was--- y-yeah. He was with me for a while after that since I was too scared to break up with him. Then I met someone I really liked who was so nice to me, and I realised that I didn't want to be stuck with someone like him."

Kisuke made a noise of understanding. "So that is the red mark then, it is hard to believe that someone would be so thankful for a red mark."

"Yeah, I know. But I really am, and I'm thankful for the help from him too." You smiled, running your finger delicately along the red tally mark.

"Doesn't the red tally mark hurt though? That the person who saved you from that twat doesn't feel the same?" He asked, and yeah it was painful.

"Yeah, it is really painful. But I always think to myself I would rather have this red tally mark and be friends with him than have none at all and still be with twat. Anything is better than that even if it is not reciprocated love." You shrugged your shoulders trying to come across as nonchalant when all you wanted to do was tell Kisuke that the mark was him, but you decided against it. You let out a yawn that caught Kisuke's attention.

"I should probably let you sleep then." He gets up from his spot and you huddle under the covers. Kisuke grins at the sight, fixing the blankets over you and kissing your forehead. "Today has been a rough day so if you need anything just shout, okay? Even if you think it is dumb." Despite everything that happened you slept well that night.

----Time skip 3 days----

"Y/n! Let's go! Hat n Clogs is waiting!" Ichigo yelled up to your window, pulling you from your sleep. You rush to get dressed, throwing a jumper on with leggings like before and you ran from the house.

You opened the door and outside waiting for you was Ichigo and the gang. "Well? Come on!" With that you all went back to Kisuke's shop. Over the 3 days you and Kisuke got closer, he'd constantly phone your mother to check up on you. (since he phoned your mum before and not you so he knew her number) It bugged her so much that she gave you Kisuke's number so she wouldn't be bothered anymore, which was sweet.

Everyone walked into the shop and greeted Kisuke. "Ah, Y/n!" He wrapped his arm around your shoulder playfully, a smile playing across his lips. "Everything okay?" You could see his eyes from the angle so you knew what he meant and you smiled back at him.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He let go of you and began talking to the others about Gigai upgrades. As you tidied around the shop you heard the bell chime indicating someone had come in, you looked up and that someone was twat. Your eyes went wide as you dropped the broom you were holding, alerting the others.

Kisuke's carefree smile and attitude completely dropped when he saw who was there. He grabbed your shoulders, pushing you towards your friends, they noticed something was up there and they stood in front of you. "Get out." He shakes his head, walking around the store as he was being stared at by everyone. "I said get out."

Twat laughed, "I'm a customer here, you can't tell me to get out, I want to buy something." Kisuke got closer to Twat, who was starting to clearly become intimidated by your friends.

"I have the right to refuse people. Customers are typically human, and sadly you don't qualify for one of those, so get the fuck out of my shop." With each sentence Kisuke got closer to him until eventually he got so intimidated and fled. Kisuke locked the shop door and ran over to you, avoiding the strange looks from the others.

"Are you okay?" You appear to be in a state of shock, you feel like you can barely move or speak, you just stood there, trembling. Kisuke continues to ignore the others as he wraps his arms around you, holding you close. "I am going to tell them if that is alright, just make any sound for a yes, okay?" He heard a small sound come from you so he begins to explain to your friends what happened.

-------

By the end of the explanation you came back to reality, since you weren't paying attention to anything other than Kisuke's arms around you, you were able to pull through pretty quick. Your friends all looked really mad at him for everything he did and thanked Kisuke profusely for helping you out through this. After a while, the others finally leave, giving you a hug and giving you a word of advice, they even offered to teach you how to fight which you decided to take up.

You sat with Kisuke in his room as you usually do after something like that happens. You were talking about nothing in particular when Kisuke stopped you. "Um- Y/n, that person- they return your feelings." You laughed

"No they don't, the proof is in the pu---" You lift your sleeve to show the proof when you noticed that he was right. The telly mark was Black now. You stare at the mark in utter shock. "I- What?" Your eyebrows furrowed together. "That is impossible, why would he like me?" Kisuke smiles at you, messing up your hair like he normally does.

"Probably because you're a fantastic p-" He stops dead in his tracks when he stops a completely new mark on his arm, the arm that was totally clean, in all of his years of living he has never fallen in love. You look up and wonder why he went quiet when you notice him staring at his arm, he must have realised who that tally mark is for. "That-" He gestures towards your mark. "That is for me, isn't it?"

You flush, you never thought you'd end up in a situation like this one. "Y-yeah it is." You bite your lip in worry, you knew he liked you as well, I mean you could literally see it, but that doesn't mean that he would want to be with you. Kisuke smiled softly at you as he ran his fingers through your hair.

"I always thought you were pretty, and I knew that I would absolutely fall for you, I could feel it. So I'm honestly glad it is returned. But um- We don't have to be in a relationship yet if you don't think you're ready for one." Kisuke was the sweetest and that is why, without a doubt in your mind, you knew that you were ready.

"I am ready, I've wanted to be with you for a long time now, I love you Kisuke." You blushed heavily. You think those words often enough but you didn't think you'd ever say them out loud to him.

"Since we have that sorted- can I kiss you?" Kisuke asked, his thumb running across your jaw, your skin tingling from his touch.

"Yeah, you can." His thumb moved, holding on lightly to your chin to pull you close. You were a hair's width away from kissing but he stayed there for a few moments with a look in his eyes that said 'You can still back off if you want to' but you didn't. He took your stillness as an invitation to continue and planted a soft kiss to your lips, his hands moved to cup your cheeks while your own remove his hat so they could rest in his hair. After a few moments of his soft kiss Kisuke pulled back, only to kiss you one more time.

"I love you too, Y/n. I'll make sure nothing bad will ever happen to you again."