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onceuponastory · 1 year

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ghost story - the winter soldier x reader

Plot: As she got older, Y/N stopped believing in ghost stories. That is... until she finds one fast asleep and bleeding out on her grandma’s couch. The Winter Soldier was taught never to leave any witnesses, and he intends to follow his training... until he finds Y/N staring down the barrel of his gun. Pairing: The Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Mentions of death, kidnapping, violence, blood, injuries/wounds (nothing too graphic though), pain, nightmares, weapons, and everything Bucky did as the Winter Soldier, and had done to him by HYDRA, specifically how they likely didn’t feed him. Please use your own discretion. As always if I miss any triggers, let me know. Notes: This is sorta my alternate ending/continuation to CA:TWS. I’ve had this fic in my drafts for ages, and I finally finished it. I hope you all love it as much as I do. Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

Turning up the drive, gravel crunching under her tires, Y/N soon spots her grandmother’s house as it looms out of the fog. It’s just as big and creepy as she remembered, especially as the trees turn bare and the nights grow colder and darker. When it’s like this, it looks even more like the stereotypical haunted house that everyone always said it looked like. But now that her grandma’s gone, and the house is all but abandoned, it’s even creepier. Stepping out of her car, the cold autumn air hits her, and does little to stop the fear from spreading throughout her body. Of course, when Y/N was a kid, she spent plenty of time ghost hunting in the house with her grandmother, and getting used to its familiar creaks and groans. But as she grew up, she realised the house was not haunted at all, and the ghost hunting game with her grandmother was just that: a game. Although... its spooky appearance and the endless forest surrounding it do little to help challenge its haunted moniker.

As the chilly wind howls again, sending a shockwave through her entire body, Y/N shivers, pulling her coat and scarf closer around her. And then, she advances up the steps to the front door.

Almost two weeks ago, Y/N's grandmother passed away, and since she’s her only living relative, Y/N has to sort everything out. First, she has to clear out her house. Unlocking the door, Y/N steps inside. Immediately, the air is melancholic. She spent so much of her time in this house that not having her grandmother here to greet her with tea and her fresh baking is strange. Yet, something seems off. As if someone else is here with her, and that she’s not as alone as she thought. Maybe the ghosts are finally coming out to play.

Y/N takes a few steps forward, her footsteps creaking on the floorboards and echoing through the house. As her brows furrow, another chill blows through the house. Her grandmother’s house was draughty, but never this bad. Maybe it’s just the house showing its age. Or at least, that’s what she hopes it is. But as she steps further into the house, something crunches under her feet. Shards of broken glass. Y/N sighs frustratedly. Damn kids probably broke a window.

Still, Y/N registers her heartbeat rising ever so slightly with every step she takes. She just can’t shake the feeling that someone is here, watching her every move. “Ghosts aren’t real. It’s just your imagination. It was always just a game.” She whispers, repeating it like a mantra to calm her down. If only it worked.

Warily, Y/N moves into the living room. Almost immediately, her eyes land on a sleeping form on the couch. Her heart jumps into her throat. Pinching her skin hard, Y/N hopes it’s just a dream, that her mind is playing tricks on her and there isn’t actually a random man asleep on her grandmother’s couch. However, no matter how many times she tries, the man is still there.

And then, she screams, startling the man awake. He jumps up immediately, his blue eyes staring over at her. Within moments, he pulls a gun on her.

“Who are you?” He orders. His voice is deep, and slightly Russian accented. Y/N holds her hands up in surrender, shaking. And this time, it’s not from the cold. She considers making a break for the door, hoping that if she runs fast enough, she’ll be okay. “No. Stay.” The man responds, as if reading her mind. He gestures with his gun, ordering her to come closer, which she does. Warily, she glances down the man’s body, staring at his enormous arms, both muscular and metal. Then, her eyes turn to all the other guns and knives strapped to him. Ones that she definitely doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of.

“Who the fuck is this guy?”

“Answer me.” The man demands.

“I-I’m Y/N. This is my grandma’s house. I’m here to clear it out.” She gasps, hoping it’s enough to save herself. The man furrows his brows, continuing to stare at her. His metal arm whirrs, flexing slightly, which does little to quell Y/N’s alarm. “Please, don’t hurt me. I didn’t do anything or see anything. I promise.” She begs, tears already streaming down her cheeks. Briefly, something shifts in the man’s expression, and his features soften. Almost as if he feels guilty for the fear he’s caused. However, it disappears almost as soon as she notices it.

The Winter Soldier stares at the woman, Y/N, watching as she sobs and begs for her life. She’s terrified of him. Just like everyone else was when they found themselves staring down the barrel of his gun. HYDRA always taught him not to leave any witnesses, because anyone could destroy their mission if they saw something they weren’t supposed to. And the last thing he wants is to find himself on the receiving end of another punishment at the hands of his superiors. The various bruises and injuries he’s accumulated over the years throb under his tactical gear, a harsh physical reminder of all that he’s endured. After all, that’s why he ran away. He’s just so tired. Tired of being their personal punching bag, and of being tortured and punished time and time again, despite how much they all praise him and the work he does for them.

Honestly, he doesn’t know how long he’s been running. He just had to get away from the pain, and from the faces and the screams seeping back into his memories. The memories that are also starting to fill with fresh faces, ones he’s sure he’s never seen before…yet somehow, they looked at him like they knew him.

“Bucky?” A whisper of a voice echoes in his mind, but it’s gone before he can dwell too long on it.

Perhaps, deep down, he thought that if he ran far enough, he’d be able to figure himself out. Or at that he’d at least outrun his demons.

After some time, he found this house. Abandoned and offering some solitude, he saw it as the perfect place to finally get some sleep. That is, however, until the woman’s screams woke him up. And now, here they are. Yet, something about her is different. There’s some kind of familiarity there with her, something he doesn’t know how to explain. What he does know, however, is that despite how much she begs for her freedom, he can’t let her go.

It hurts, but this is how it has to be. This is what he was taught.

Leave no witnesses.

But as the woman’s cries continue, for once, he wants to abandon his training. He doesn't want to kill her. In fact, he almost feels pity for her. Deep down, her cries are shaking him and his morals to their core. “Please, just let me go. I won’t say anything, I promise.” She repeats, her body shaking as tears stream down her cheeks. And then, he comes up with an idea. One to save them both.

“No.” Her face falls. “You stay here. With me.”

“No, I can’t! I have a life, a-and-”

“Stay!” He shouts. The sudden volume makes her jump, and her tears intensify as she sobs even harder, her entire body shrinking away from him. As her cries sink into his every being, another pang of guilt strikes him again. This poor woman has done nothing wrong, and now she’s terrified for her life because of him. He steps forward, reaching out a hand to comfort her. Briefly, after being a mindless killing machine for so long, his humanity returns, and he considers letting her go. For a moment, Bucky Barnes returns.

But then, just before he’s about to offer some reassuring words, HYDRA’s programming kicks in once more like a virus, seeping into his mind. And he becomes the Winter Soldier once more. Who says she’s safe, and that she won’t just turn him into HYDRA at a moment’s notice? And then he’ll be back to being tortured over and over again. Reflexively, his body tenses, and hot pain flashes through him once more. He can’t take that risk. So she has to stay here, with him. That way, they’ll both be safe. This is the only way, the best way that he can ensure his survival without killing her. She’ll learn soon enough. “Just…stay out of my way.” He grunts, storming out of the room and leaving her crying.

Even though her tears still strike guilt into his heart.

From then on, Y/N stays out of the man’s way as much as she can. The last thing she wants is to make the wrong move and end up dead. Thankfully, since her captor seems to stay in just the one room all day every day, she has free rein of the house, and can clear it out just as she wanted. Although, Y/N knows she could be forgiven for being preoccupied with the weapon wielding maniac downstairs.

Yet, she can’t help but feel, in some small way… worried about the man she’s now sharing her life with. He spends all day, every day inside, just staring out of the window. His hand carefully rests on the various weapons strapped to him, almost as if he’s waiting for something or someone to attack. The sounds of her moving throughout the house don’t even phase him anymore. He just…sits there, like a statue. Or a hyper vigilant, intensively trained assassin. Whilst a small part of her appreciates how protective the man seems, his refusal to move or to even eat something strikes her as concerning. Something deeper is going on… something Y/N wants to understand.

However, despite her worry for him, she doesn’t speak to him about it. After all, he is holding her captive. So, she watches from afar, wondering when, if ever, she’ll be able to help him.

Later that night, Y/N falls asleep, calm and off in a dream world. That is, however, until an earth shattering scream sounds from downstairs. Immediately, she springs awake, sprinting downstairs. Judging from the scream, she’s expecting to find bloodshed, and the body of some poor soul who was at the receiving end of the man’s various weapons.

Yet when she makes it downstairs, she finds the complete opposite. Aside from them both, the house is empty. Nevertheless, the screams continue… meaning there’s only one explanation for who they’re coming from. Warily, she steps closer to the sound of the noise. The man is still laid out on her grandma’s couch, but yells out over and over, thrashing around in his sleep. For a moment, Y/N wonders just how much pain and torment he must have experienced for his screams to sound so anguished. “Wait! Calm down! It’s okay!” She calls, getting closer to him. The danger she’s putting herself in, and her previous apprehension doesn’t even cross her mind. All she wants is to see that the man is alright. Once he’s awake, he stares at her, blinking in confusion. “It’s me, Y/N. It’s just me. You’re okay.” She soothes.

“I thought I told you to stay out of my way.” Although, after waking up to HYDRA agents every day for god knows how long, seeing Y/N is a welcome breath of fresh air. Yet, he knows he can’t get too close. It’s too risky.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” The words leave her mouth before even thinking about them. He frowns, almost as if he’s wondering why she cares so much, why she thinks he’s even worth helping. And it breaks Y/N’s heart. Sure, they didn’t get off on the right foot, but he’s clearly hurting, and deep down she hates seeing him so upset. But then his face hardens once more.

“No. Go away.” He repeats, shaking his head. Despite his orders, Y/N stands her ground, refusing to go.

“I don’t want to pry, but… I want you to know I also want to listen, if you want someone to talk to.” She reassures him, taking a seat on the chair opposite the couch. “Your screams, they sounded... awful.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” The man murmurs softly. “After what I did?” Y/N shrugs. Honestly, she’s not even sure if she knows the answer to that herself.

“I just want to help. That’s all. And besides, I was already awake when I heard you screaming.” She lies. Again, he furrows his brow, as if he doesn’t believe her. Yet, he stops telling her to go. The room falls silent, each looking at each other but unsure of what to say next. “Do you need anything? Some food, some water?” Y/N asks, breaking the silence. Another shake of his head.

“I’m not worth this help, Y/N.” Despite how much his self loathing hurts her, she can’t deny how, as she hears her name leaving the man’s lips for the first time, Y/N’s heart beats ever so slightly faster.

“Honestly, it’s okay. When I heard you scream, I got kinda worried about you. It sounded so painful…you really got spooked, didn’t you?” The man looks pained, yet still refuses to meet her gaze, almost as if he’s ashamed of her seeing him in this state. And that thought breaks her heart. He may have scared the shit out of her, but she wants to make sure that he’s alright. Sighing, Y/N moves closer. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. I just want you to know I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”

The Winter Soldier watches Y/N curiously, waiting for the caveat, for the violence that he’s been so used to for so long. Because nobody is ever just nice to him anymore, they only do it just so he can do what they want. Unsurprisingly, HYDRA didn’t care much about his health and wellbeing. “Are you sure you don’t want something to eat? I was staying for a while anyway, so I brought some stuff with me.” Y/N’s offer makes him even more confused. Even if she does genuinely want to help, why is she doing it now, when he told her to leave him alone? And especially since he’s kidnapped her?

“Why?” Y/N shrugs.

“I don’t know. I just thought that it’s nice to share. And besides, we’re both stuck here, miles from the nearest town. This is all we have.” It’s only then that he realises he doesn’t know when the last time he ate was. Yet although something to eat does sound good, he still doesn’t trust her fully. After all, what if it’s poisoned? What if he wakes up back in HYDRA’s grasp?

“No.” He shakes his head. Deflated slightly, Y/N nods. As he goes to lie down again, he turns his body a different way. Suddenly a sharp, shooting pain strikes his side. Furious expletives and hissing fill the room, and curiously, Y/N peers over. She sees a deep crimson seeping through his tactical vest, and she gasps.

“You’re bleeding. I should call an ambulance.” At the sound of the word ambulance, he gasps.

“No.” He repeats. If he goes to a hospital, then there’s a chance HYDRA could find him and bring him back to the same life he spent so long running from. There’s no way he’ll let that happen.

“I know it’s scary, but it looks painful, and-”

“I said, no! No hospitals.” He clutches madly at his side, wincing and writhing in pain. As Y/N watches him, pity overtakes her fear. This man needs her help.

“Do you want me to look at that, at least? I can try to help stop the blood flow.” She asks, walking towards him. Immediately, he flinches away from her. Every other time he’s been in pain, all he remembers is more pain. He doesn’t heal, he survives. And he’s survived for this long by gritting his teeth and baring his injuries, so he can easily do it again. Even though he’s in so much fucking pain.

“No.” He growls, clutching at his side and hissing. As his face contorts into a grimace, warily, Y/N steps even closer. “What part of no don’t you get?” However, his words don’t stop her. Although this man definitely looks like he could and would murder her, and was obviously very close to doing so… the sound of his pained cries still sting, and she wants to help him.

“It looks bad. I’m not much of a nurse, but it looks like you’re in a lot of pain. And honestly, if we’re going to be stuck here together, I’d rather not have you bleeding out on my grandma’s couch.” She chuckles awkwardly. He peers over at her, his brows furrowed. Yet, Y/N still stares at him, the same soft smile on her face. Why won’t she just leave him to go through this in peace, like he deserves? But then, the pain strikes him again, and he groans, realising he doesn’t have much choice. Maybe this time, he needs to heal. And so, he nods.

First, Y/N takes off every layer of clothing until the wound is visible. As she unbuttons and unbuckles every article of clothing, her fingers gently brushing against his exposed skin, he feels a strange, new feeling inside. He doesn’t understand it, but he does know that he likes it. Y/N's breath hitches in her throat as she stares down at his bare chest. God, this man is attractive. Or at least, his chest is. But then, she notices various other marks and scars on his body, some recent, but most faded. Pity fills her veins once more. Whoever this man is, it looks like he’s been through the wars… and has been for years. “So….” She trails off as she works on his wound, completely unsure what to say to this incredibly attractive man who’s also holding her hostage in her grandma’s house. As she cleans the wound, he hisses, and angry Russian curse words fill the room once more. “Sorry! I’ll try my best to be gentle, but it will probably sting a lot.”

Silence falls as Y/N continues working on the wound. Although the experience is painful, there’s an unfamiliarity to it. And something about that unfamiliarity feels comforting to him. His eyes look over, staring as Y/N wraps a bandage around his side. The moonlight streams through the windows, illuminating her face, and the strange feeling from before returns. Although this time, it makes him feel all warm inside. Maybe this is how it feels to be finally cared for after so many years of pain, nightmares, and torture. To have someone actually give a shit about you. However, before he can think too much about this feeling, Y/N speaks up.

“Can I ask you something? What’s your name? I feel weird that you know mine, and yet, I’m helping you and I don’t even know yours.” His brows furrow. Nobody has ever asked him his name before. And he doesn’t even remember it anymore. As he struggles to remember, Y/N’s face falls. “Does he really not know his name? God, this guy really has been through it.”

“Bucky!” The same whisper echoes in his mind again. Maybe this is it. Maybe his mind is starting to remember.

“I-I think it’s Bucky.” Y/N smiles.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Bucky.” Bucky. That does sound right…especially when Y/N says it. As she finishes up, Bucky takes his turn to ask something.

“Why…did you help me? After what I did?” Y/N frowns, shrugging again, as if it’s obvious why she would.

“Well, you were in pain. And besides, you haven’t killed me yet.” She laughs awkwardly. “For some reason, I couldn’t stand seeing you hurt. Do you….” She trails off, and Bucky already knows where this is going. “Do you mind if I ask you what happened?” Memories flash through Bucky’s mind, hazy, choppy memories. Of guns and knives and pain. Oh god, so much pain. Too much pain.

Seeing how worked up he’s getting, Y/N interrupts him by placing a hand on his metal arm, pulling him out of his panic. Reflexively, Bucky flinches, jolting it away. “I spooked you, didn’t I? I’m sorry. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” She soothes. And for a moment, both Y/N and Bucky realise how much they liked that sensation of being close to one another. “That’s you all done, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll um. You probably want to be alone, so I’ll leave you in peace now.” She murmurs, walking towards the doorway. Bucky feels his stomach rumble, and he sighs. She treated both his wounds, and him with kindness. Maybe he is safe. For now, anyway.

“Wait.” He calls, and Y/N turns around. “Can…I please have some food?” He expects her to say no. After all, HYDRA rarely, if ever, fed him. He doesn’t expect her to either. Especially after how he snapped at her. Yet, Y/N’s face softens once more.

“Of course you can. Do you want a sandwich?” Bucky nods, and she leaves the room. Bucky's face stays imprinted in her mind as she heads towards the kitchen. His eyes were almost pleading when he asked her for food, almost as if he expected her to say no, and that he would understand if she did. The multitude of scars and wounds covering Bucky’s torso enters her mind again. Even though he’s keeping her locked away in her grandma’s house, Y/N still feels bad for him. If someone’s been treating him like that for god knows how long, who’s to say that they haven’t been malnourishing him too? Poor thing. And besides, he hasn’t killed her yet. Maybe he’s not so dangerous.

“Where the hell could he be? He could’ve gone anywhere.” Steve sighs, glancing at the screen. He must’ve looked at the same spot on the map for hours now, just looking for anywhere Bucky could be hiding. That is, if HYDRA didn’t get to him first.

“Steve. Don’t stress yourself out. We’ll find him.” Sam reassures, and Steve sighs.

“I hope you’re right.”

Meanwhile, Y/N and Bucky sit together, eating. Well, one of them is still eating. Bucky wolfed his down almost as soon as he got it, strengthening Y/N’s belief that wherever he was kept, he must not have been fed. She considers asking him about it, but then she remembers where she is, and the circumstances that led to this moment. And besides, that’s a weird thing to ask anyone, let alone the guy who’s essentially keeping you prisoner. So, she keeps quiet.

“Thank you. For the food.” Bucky mumbles, and Y/N looks back up at him. A small smile graces his features, and immediately Y/N smiles back at him, feeling heat building and settling on her cheeks. He has a lovely smile. She was right. He’s kind of cute.

“No problem.” An awkward silence descends on the pair once again. Both look at each other, each wanting to say something, but still unsure of what to say, neither knowing what would be the right thing to say in this circumstance.

And so, they sit together for a while, just sitting in silence. Y/N’s brain feels like it’s going a mile a minute with thoughts of Bucky, and how sorry for him she feels, despite everything that’s happened. In another life, she’d like to get to know him.

Little does she know, however, that Bucky is going through the exact mental turmoil as she is.

After some time, Bucky lays back down on the couch, his breathing stilling. Warily, Y/N tiptoes over to him, peering down. Bucky’s asleep again. When he’s asleep, he looks dead to the world. Clearly, he must really have needed this rest. Yet, she keeps a watchful eye on him, just in case he has another nightmare. Or in case he tries to kill her.

Once she’s sure that Bucky is asleep, Y/N opens Google on her phone. The soft light of her screen illuminates the room, and for a moment she worries the light will wake up Bucky. However, when she glances over, she sees he’s still fast asleep, so she lets out a sigh of relief. Opening the search bar, she types in Bucky’s name. Hopefully, this generates something to help: a post from his family or friends, or even a news article about his disappearance. Someone must be missing him.

Once she hits search, her screen is immediately filled with results. To her surprise, though, the results are nothing like she expected.

Various pictures of Bucky without his tactical gear pop up, including ones of him in an army uniform. An ancient looking uniform, one that looks like it’s from the 1940s. Y/N frowns, even more confused about the sort of person he is. She scrolls down further, looking at the headlines, which confuse her even more.

“Bucky Barnes: The Howling Commando.”

“The Howling Commandos and WWII.”

“Bucky Barnes: The Life and Death of Captain America’s Best Friend.”

One word stands out. Death. Y/N’s eyes widen. The guy who’s sleeping on her grandma’s couch, the one who showed up out of nowhere with a gun, is supposed to be dead. He’s a ghost story. Warily, Y/N looks over at Bucky, watching as his chest slowly rises and falls.

If he’s a ghost story, who’s to say she won’t be the next one? Maybe he will kill her after all.

Suddenly far too scared to go to sleep, Y/N sits in the armchair opposite the couch, scrolling through the articles on her phone and learning everything she can about her new houseguest. He fought in World War Two alongside Steve Rogers, his best friend. Of course, she knows who Steve Rogers is. After all, she’s seen enough pictures and videos of him in his Captain America uniform, wielding the shield and saving the world. It turns out Bucky fought by his side for most of the war. At least, he did until his ‘death’. And now he’s here, sleeping beside her and very much alive. She glances over at him once more, just to make sure she’s safe. Bucky looks so peaceful when he sleeps, his lips slightly parted and his long hair falling in his face. For the first time since she’s met him, Bucky finally looks relaxed. In fact, he doesn’t look dangerous at all. As she watches Bucky, a strange feeling settles in her stomach, and her fear dissipates a little.

If Steve Rogers, Captain America of all people, trusted Bucky to fight alongside him…maybe she’s safe around him after all. And besides, if Steve Rogers can come back from the dead, who’s to say Bucky hasn’t either?

And besides, he’s pretty cute when he sleeps.

Suddenly, Bucky shifts a little in his sleep, and for a moment, Y/N jumps back, expecting him to awaken and notice her staring. To her relief though, Bucky just turns around, his back to her. Smiling softly, Y/N sits back down in the armchair opposite the couch, curling up.

Some time later, she opens her eyes, wincing slightly at the sunlight streaming through the window. Her fingers touch something soft, and she frowns. As she sits up, she realises she must have fallen asleep. And she’s still here, still breathing. Y/N’s fingers continue to brush against something soft, and she realises a blanket is haphazardly draped over her. Bucky sits, watching the world through the windows. Just like he always does. Yet now…it seems different.

“Morning.” he grunts without turning around. And for once, his voice doesn’t scare her. “Sleep okay?”

She almost asks him then, asks if he took care of her in the night. Asks him to confirm if he’s really the kind soul she thinks he is, instead of the monster he thinks he is. The monster she used to think he was. But then she remembers the current situation, and the circumstances that led to them being there. So, she doesn’t ask. Besides, how can she ask something like that after everything they’ve been through? “Yes, thanks. Did you?” She knows it’s a dumb question before she even asks it. Even Bucky seems to think so too, judging by the look he gives her.

“It was okay. Thanks.” He nods.

“I’ll um. I’ll be upstairs if you need me. Figured it would be best if we still stayed out of each other's way. For now anyway.” For a second, when Bucky opens his mouth, Y/N wonders if, or rather hopes that he’ll tell her to stay. That he wants to be around her, to have some human contact.

But he simply nods. “Yes, that’ll be good.” Sighing, Y/N disappears upstairs, hoping Bucky doesn’t notice her disappointment. Yet, she doesn’t notice how Bucky watches as she leaves the room…or how his eyes linger even after she’s gone.

Bucky and Y/N have no idea that miles away, the Avengers still are trying to track Bucky’s location.

Or at least, Steve and Sam are.

“Steve, I’ve got an idea. If he took this route out of the city, he’d have hit some woods and farmland. It’s really remote, you could go for miles and still not see a single farm house. I’m going to send Redwing out, see if there’s any abandoned barns or houses nearby that he could hide in.” Sam explains.

“That sounds good.” Steve nods. Yet, Sam notices how his friend’s smile doesn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Hey, we’ll find him, okay?” Steve sighs.

“I hope so.”

A few hours later, Y/N sits in her grandma’s old bedroom, surrounded by various boxes and photo albums. She flips through a few pictures, laughing as she reminisces on the memories inside. The more pictures she looks through, the more emotional she gets. And soon, big tears are streaming down her cheeks once more. She misses her so much. If only her grandma could see her now, and who she’s sharing her house with.

But maybe, if she knew just how much pain Bucky’s gone through, and how kind he’s been treating her recently… maybe she’d like Bucky. Or at least, understand him a little.

“Are you alright?” Bucky’s voice startles her. He peers into the room, concern filling his features as he realises she’s crying. “I um. I thought I heard you crying, so I wanted to check on you.” Quickly, Y/N wipes at her eyes. Strangely, despite how much she sobbed in front of Bucky when they first met, now she’s embarrassed by him seeing her crying. Although, she still notices the way something flutters deep down inside when she realises Bucky abandoned his post, the only thing he’s done all day and every day, to come check up on her. For once, she’s more important to him than his mission.

“Yeah. Sorry, I was just sorting some of my grandma’s things. Didn’t realise it would make me so emotional.” She laughs awkwardly, wiping at her eyes. Nervously, Bucky comes closer, too scared to hurt her again. But he’s already seen her crying once, and felt powerless to help. Now, he wants to help. She’s been so kind to him, especially when he didn’t deserve it, and he would like to repay that kindness any way he can.

“May I sit?” Y/N nods, and he does so. He peers over her shoulder, looking at the photographs clutched in her hand. “Is this her? Your grandma?” The tone of his question makes her laugh a little. But it’s not a mocking laugh, not in the slightest. Bucky sounds like a curious child, excited to learn about the world around him.

“Yup. And that’s my mom. She died when I was young, so my grandma took me in for most of my life. We had a lot of fun together. Especially in this house.” Y/N smiles fondly.

“She’s beautiful.” Bucky glances over at Y/N, smiling softly. “I can see the resemblance.” Y/N feels herself smiling at his words, and heat settles on her cheeks once more. Despite everything that’s happened, being called beautiful by Bucky feels nice.

“Thanks.” Y/N giggles, sniffling.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky sighs, and she frowns. “For everything. For scaring you, a-and for keeping you here. It’s just.” He takes a moment to breathe, as if bracing himself for his next words. Bracing himself to tell her the truth. “I don’t remember a lot about my life, but I do know I was being held by HYDRA. People who weren’t very good to me.” Y/N’s mind goes back to the wound on his side, how eager he was to be fed… and his horrible, anguished screams. Now it all makes sense. Y/N’s face softens, and she leans in closer, listening attentively. “I don’t want to go into too much detail about it, but they messed me up a lot. And now, I know they wiped my memories too. I at least know my name now, and bits about my past come in here and there, but that’s about it.”

“Bucky…I’m so sorry.” Y/N gasps. Now his childlike wonder makes sense. She can’t even imagine how that feels, to know nothing about who you are or where you come from. To be a nobody. Her memory goes back to the night before, when she stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, googling Bucky and his past. Her stomach twinges. Bucky doesn’t even know that most of his life story is out there online, free for anyone to read… whilst he doesn’t remember any of it. She can’t not tell him the truth. To her surprise, though, Bucky chuckles and shakes his head.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s me who should be sorry for keeping you here. It’s just whenever I tried to escape, they’d bring me back and torture me even more. So when I finally did leave, I was terrified that you’d try to bring me back, or if you went outside and someone saw you, they’d find me.” He scoots even closer, the edge of his fingers brushing lightly against hers. As their skin connects, Y/N feels a small spark and registers her breath hitching in her throat. Even this, something so small as this tiny skin to skin contact feels so intimate. So different. It’s like there’s a meaning behind it now, something more than just an accidental touch. And it registers something within Y/N, a feeling deep within her gut.

She never noticed how blue his eyes look, and how much they sparkle in the light. When she’s up this close to Bucky, she can see that he has freckles too, ones previously hidden under his bruises and scars. They seem to be healing nicely. He looks healthier too, calmer at least. Obviously, the food she gave him did the world of good.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?” He whispers, so quiet she wouldn’t have heard him had he been sitting next to her. Despite everything that he’s been through, and the way he used to scream and shout at her, his voice is so soft. So… human. Rather than the monster she thought he was. But now she knows the truth: he’s a victim. And he deserves the truth. She owes him that.

“I have to tell you something. About your past.”

He takes it well. Or at least, better than she expected someone to do when you tell them that most of their life, one that was so cruelly ripped away from them, can be summed up via a Wikipedia article. When she mentions Steve and the other Howling Commandos, there’s a flicker or recognition there, which makes her smile. It’s small, but at least a start.

“Thank you for telling me.” He murmurs, and she nods. Yet, neither of them know just how much is missing from that page. Happy memories spent with family or friends, the little things Bucky enjoyed - his favourite song, the food he loved - all gone, with no way of knowing if they’ll ever come back. Without even thinking, she scoots closer to him once more, wordlessly telling him she’s there for him. And little does she know, but Bucky appreciates her presence more than he could ever say.

“Steve.” Sam begins, causing the blonde to look up. “There’s an old house near where Bucky could’ve went, and it seems occupied. We could go in and ask if they’ve seen anything.”

“Worth a try.” Steve nods. Again, Sam can tell how unsure Steve feels about this, given how many leads they tried to chase that suddenly turned cold. And Sam also knows how worried Steve is about finding Bucky, no matter the cost. But before he can say anything, Steve stands up, straightening his jacket. “Come on then. Let’s go.”

Later that night, Y/N passes over another steaming hot plate of food, which Bucky quickly devours. Despite the food spraying everywhere, Y/N is glad to see him eating so much. Especially since she’s noticed how Bucky isn’t pausing before beginning to eat as much as he used to. It seemed as if he was waiting to see if he was going to be fed, rather than a cruel prank by his captors. To her, it signifies his recovery, that despite how much they tried to take it away from him, Bucky Barnes is coming back.

And then, there’s a knock at the door.

Immediately, the two are on edge. Especially Bucky. Y/N notices his metal arm tensing, and she stands up quickly.

“I’ll get it. It’s okay.” she insists, trying to calm Bucky’s nerves whilst also trying to ignore how fast her own heart is beating. As she braces herself to open the door, Y/N wonders just how much her life will change once it does. Obviously, the people who tortured Bucky and wiped his mind probably won’t be as courteous enough to knock on the door, but it’s still the major fear coursing through her by now.

Reaching for the door handle, Y/N takes a breath… and opens the door.

Two men stand on the porch. For a moment, she registers a look of disappointment on one of the men’s faces. Almost as if he was expecting someone else. But he soon smiles, clearing his throat. “Good evening ma’am.” He speaks. Y/N recognises them both almost immediately.

Captain America and the Falcon are standing right in front of her. Right away, her fear dissipates, replaced by hope. Bucky finally gets to go home with his friends. With people who love him.

“You’re Cap, and you’re the Falcon.” She gasps. Steve chuckles, but before he can say another word, Y/N continues. “You’re here for Bucky, aren’t you?” Their faces change immediately. A mix of shock, wonder, and excitement. She stands inside, letting both men in.

As soon as they step into the house, Bucky charges out in front of them, his presence immediately threatening.

“What do you want?!” He demands. “I’m not going back there!”

“No! Bucky no! These are your friends. Sam and Steve! Remember?” Making eye contact with Steve, Bucky lowers his hands. In an instant, he’s back to the calmer, quieter person he was before.

“Steve.” He murmurs as the memories soon start to come back.

“Hey Buck. You remember Sam, right? And what happened? We’ve come to take you back. We’ll keep you safe.” Bucky still looks confused. He doesn’t know if he can trust him. She can see it in his eyes. And it breaks her heart.

“He’s right. Remember what I told you? About your past?” Y/N whispers, gently prompting Bucky. “That’s them. Once again, Bucky’s brow furrows… yet after a moment, he nods.

“Steve.” He whispers, smiling. And Steve smiles back. But then it’s as if he remembers that Y/N’s still there.

“So, who are you if you don’t mind me asking?” Steve asks, and Sam sighs.

“Steve.” Sam hisses.

“This is my grandmother’s house. I came here to clear it out after she died, and I found Bucky here.”

“Well, hopefully he wasn’t too much trouble for you.” Sam chuckles. She glances over at Bucky, still watching over her protectively despite being reunited with his best friend. And a small smile crosses Y/N’s lips.

“No. Not at all.”

“Well.” Steve clears his throat, standing up straighter, looking exactly like the Captain he is. “I’m glad to hear you helped him, ma’am.”

“Y/N.”

“Hm?”

“Her name is Y/N.” Bucky speaks up. “And she’s treated me with nothing but kindness since she found me here. Thank you.” Y/N’s smile grows even wider, and Bucky smiles too. A big, warm grin that overtakes his entire face. And something in Y/N’s stomach flutters. Despite the tumultuous start to their relationship, she’s really enjoyed her time with Bucky, and getting to know the real him.

But then, Steve’s next words bring her crashing back down to earth.

“Come on then, Buck. We better go. Thank you for your help, Miss, but we can take it from here.” And there it is. Honestly, a part of Y/N was expecting to be invited along with them. To spend more time with the soldier who captivated her from the beginning. Maybe they’d even get closer. But she can’t. Because despite how much time they spent together, growing more and more comfortable with each other until their lives practically intertwined, she doesn’t fit into his life. His real life. His life where he’s best friends with two Avengers, and a WWII hero. Maybe she never fit into his life. Disappointment twinges deep in her gut. She won’t see Bucky again after this, won’t be able to see how far his recovery goes, and what he remembers.

“So…that’s it then, huh?” She sighs, not even bothering to hide her disappointment. “Well Bucky, it’s been great to meet you, despite everything.” She chuckles. And Bucky realises that he doesn’t want to let her go either. He can’t. And so, he speaks.

“Don’t you think Y/N should come too?” His words stop the rest of the group in their tracks. Steve and Sam both raise a brow, whilst Y/N just looks surprised.

“What?” she gasps.

“Well, HYDRA are probably still going to come looking for me, and what are they going to do when they find Y/N here alone?” Y/N registers her blood chilling. Honestly, she hadn’t even considered that. She’s been so used to having Bucky here, protecting her, (albeit in his own way) that she never even considered what happens on the other side, with her safety system gone. Yet, Bucky’s protectiveness over her makes her heart beat just that little faster, and she registers the heat settling in her cheeks.

“Bucky, we stopped HYDRA. They’ve fallen, they won’t-”

“We can’t take that risk. I was there for years, and I know how they operate. I’m not leaving her here to be hurt, or worse, especially after how kind she’s been to me.” She’s never seen Bucky be so determined, so forceful…especially not about her. After Bucky’s impassioned speech, Steve and Sam start whispering to each other, and Bucky comes back to stand beside her. “It’ll be okay.” He whispers. “I won’t let them hurt you.”

“Thank you.” She smiles. Once more, Bucky’s hand softly brushes against hers. The same spark from before returns, this time so strong that it consumes her every being. And again, Y/N starts seeing Bucky in a new light.

“No. You’re right, Buck.” Steve nods. “We should go, now.” With a determined nod, Bucky looks over at her. And still, he smiles.

“Ready?”

Part two, anyone? 👀

Please follow @onceuponastory-library and turn on notifications to be notified when I next post!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky Barnes x female reader #the winter soldier #the winter soldier fanfiction #the winter soldier fic #bucky x Female Reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #marvel oneshot #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction

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styrmwb · 7 months

Text

I beat Chrono Trigger

And I beat it like, nearly entirely unspoiled too.

For the longest time Chrono Trigger was "The most Styrm game Styrm has never played" and I felt silly cause my super cool ADHD brain never decided it was gonna decide to play it until now (I also had to get it done before FFVII rebirth or it was NEVER gonna happen lmfao)

So like, what are my onions?

The game's so fucking good, it stands up so incredibly well that I regret not getting to it sooner. The music, the story, the gameplay, the art (backgrounds and spritework), every single part of this game I absolutely adored. I can MAYBE think of like 2 things I would have changed about the game but they're so minor.

Characters

I loved every single party member. The ones with character felt so alive and enjoyable, and the ones that didn't really have much character were super fun to use in battle. Crono MIGHT be one of the most broken JRPG protags I've played as; I gave him a counter item for the whole game and he would constantly attack with high crits. Marle is one of my favorite characters; being all adventurous and shit, rejecting the stuffiness of royal society but like, not NOT caring? I like it. Plus she was instrumental in having me not die lmfao. Lucca had a really great character arc with Robo and her mother, and blowing shit up was super fun. Speaking of, Robo deserves the entire world; I would die for him. Unfortunately he didn't get as much use in my playthrough as I would have wanted, but I still dearly care for him. Ayla was a powerhouse even though i completely neglected her thief mechanic, and despite her caveman speak and relative lack of goal compared to the cast, I really appreciated her presence as I almost felt like she was a pillar For the rest of the cast. Magus was hype. I'll describe thoughts later down the list, but for his gameplay his magic annihilated battles, and the dude pretty much solo'd the Lavos boss rush.

Finally; Frog. The absolute best character in the game. His design? Creative. His story? Heartbreaking yet heroic. His gameplay? Essential. I loved Frog from the moment I saw him and he was with me through thick and thin. Something I really appreciated was that HE got Masamune rather than Crono. Sure, Crono is the main character, but Frog is the hero. I love my amphibious mans.

Lavos is super cool to me. It's not really a character (but kinda is?) and more like a force of nature. I also think it's kinda conceptually funny that the main villain of this classic game is the meteor that killed the dinosaurs. I don't think I FULLY understood what it truly was, but it's a concept that I very much enjoyed.

Overall, all of the characters in this game are great. Everyone has a role, everyone is enjoyable in their own way, and I really love seeing how the time travel aspect would let you see fates of characters and their role in history.

Gameplay

I loved the lack of random battles. Every battle felt planned and like its own individual puzzle, especially with the positioning gimmick; what enemies get hit by what abilities, how do I avoid hitting this enemy with the element that heals them with my super strong AoE ability. The idea of dual and triple techs enhanced this further: am I gonna use individual turns for heals or am I gonna just have Crono and Ayla fuckin decimate the entire area?

The aspect of time travel felt overall very well used. Past experiences affecting the future, but things in the future not affecting backwards; it feels like it should be obvious it works that way but it just felt like, well executed. this paragraph proves i need to get better at writing cause ultimately I just said I liked it

I also feel like the whole beginning section with the fair leading to the trial really makes you think harder about what to pay attention to and what matters: it teaches well without shoving it in your face. Might just be because I play a lot of RPGs and this is an older one, but I was able to discern the knowledge i needed easily.

Story

So to clarify here, I know there are multiple endings, but I got two; the Die To Lavos Ending not sure why i got this one nope and the real ending; I tried to do everything that I possibly could, so that was my experience.

It's great. I kinda loved how it was less a "party vs a bad time man" and more of a "party vs a natural calamity": I feel like that's not done often in games, there's usually a big bad (which I don't hate!) but it was a nice change of pace. I absolutely loved how each timeline had its own individual struggles, and the nature of time travel made them flow together very well in small ways (like defeating Magus makes Ozzie the worshipped one). Being able to go into it unspoiled really improved the huge moments, like Magus and Crono's big events (not gonna say in case there's someone like me out there), and I very much enjoyed guessing what would be next and what would affect what.

The Only Major issue I have is the 3 party limit, and character dialogue being locked to who you have. I feel like there would have been some really cool moments had everyone been there, like the campfire scene where everyone got their time.

Music

I mean, it's peak. I've already heard some of Mitsuda's work in later games, but hearing him here do (pretty much) the whole soundtrack was just a treat to my ears. The main theme is stuck playing in my head daily. The overworld and cutscene songs I think are where it shines, although I did really like the battle songs as well. and as always shoutouts to Uematsu we love that man.

Art

Again, a short section, but this game is beautiful, and I could tell that a lot of the techniques they used felt advanced for the time, like the time travel effect, or the car race; the spritework felt bouncy and alive, the backgrounds were beautifully detailed (Like Magus's Castle holy shit), and the entire game was a joy to look at.

Unspoiled

So yeah, I beat this game unspoiled somehow. I knew a couple characters like Crono and Lavos (the fact that they Existed), I've seen some backdrops like the campfire and Masamune in its sheath, and I've heard some songs; but other than that, I didn't know anything!

(warning for spoilers if you are like me and have gotten unspoiled don't read this)

Like I said in the story, it was really fun to figure out how things would be affected by the nature of time travel, naturally figuring out side quests like Fiona, and being hit by moments that I never would have expected. I didn't think my actions at the fair would affect anything until I saw the trial which made me question everything (I'm sorry old man for eating your lunch) (twice). I remember getting what i thought was the full party cause that's what the box art was, until I noticed what I thought was a 7th party member slot, leading me to wonder when this person would join and who it is; discovering Antiquity (also a surprise to me) convinced me that the person was here, and then that said person was Boy with cat that said I was gonna die, and lo and behold I was right! But not in the way that I thought. Seeing Magus be the final member was incredibly rewarding, and I probably wouldn't have gotten him if I didn't get reality checked by my actions mattering in the trial (although I do wish he had some more party interactions and dialogue). Also close to this: I did not know Crono STRAIGHT UP dies. Like, OBVIOUSLY he was gonna come back, right? But to have that happen to your main character? Felt revolutionary for the time. Didn't think Lavos was gonna be like, a humanoid creature, and I ESPECIALLY didn't think it was gonna have a phase 2.

(ok spoilers over)

Final

I could not be happier with my experience for this game. I can absolutely see why it is considered a masterpiece, and it's clearly going to stick with me for a good long while, the rest of my life, even. My negatives are incredibly minor, really only wanting more party dialogue and interactions (and to remove Golem FUCK that fight lmfao), and for that, I can probably consider it one of my favorite RPGs.

10/10, thanks for reading my ramblings if you did.

#chrono trigger #textpost #games I beat in 2024 #jared's game ramblings

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swifty-fox · 2 months

Note

Send me a fic of mine and I'll answer...

A Kingdom for a Kiss?

THIS GOT SO LONG I AM SORRY

My favorite scene

oh god that is so hard to choose.

I think honestly chapter eighteen/the second sex scene is my favorite scene. It is the culmination of so many issues in Gale's psyche, especially around John and Gale's perception of their dynamic. Taking all that and flipping it right on its head.

Previously in the story Gale is so obsessed with the ways he is not like John in terms of his masculinity and terms of how he expects John to be in bed. Every fantasy of his is tinged with shame and twisted in terms of gender and role because Gale cannot picture himself as an active participant. It doesn't feel safe for him because it feels too unrealistic for John to ever want him as a man, so he pretends to be a woman in his fantasies to ground him (comphet is a hell of a drug)

We do see briefly in one fantasy that Gale does want to take charge in bed but it scares him, feels too close and too real so he shies away from it. Chapter Eighteen is all about him coming to terms with his own desires. And also John is a really fun bottom to write

My favorite chapter (if it's a multichapter)

Lmao the book fingering chapter. It was fun to just let loose and do something really unhinged. Plus any scene/chapter where I got to write Gale and John Sr. interacting was just really fun they had a ton of chemistry as characters and were just a blast to bounce off of each other.

Hardest scene to write

Honestly the whole story flowed relatively easy. I think my biggest struggles were the James chapters just because I wanted to get the tone/intention and dynamic exactly right between Gale and James. I needed to make it clear that Gale was willingly putting himself in a situation that was going to trigger/mentally harm him. He was committing an act of self harm, just with sex instead of some sort of physical wounding. And that while James was not a great guy he was as far as he could tell, receiving full consent from Gale. So that chapter went through a couple revisions and was sent to a lot of people for review

Favorite character to write in the fic

John Sr.!!!! I think he's a delightful foil to Gale and John. I think he can be very easy to hate and be angry at because we care so much about John, but when you get into his head a bit you see a man who was making harmful choices but was doing what he thought was best because he is also deeply traumatized and hurting. He Is John and Gale, in essence. He's them twenty/thirty years in the future and he's them if they were not able to find community and safe space to talk about their experiences in the war. His brothers were killed, his parents died/killed themselves he left for war with a full family and came home to just a wife and a young son who didn't recognize him.

I have so much love and empathy for him and it was totally unexpected. Does he make great decisions? no. Is he trying his best to not just be a father to John but also to Edie and a good husband to his wife? Absolutely he is.

Favorite dynamic to write in the fic

Aside from Clegan obviously, It's Gale and John Sr.

I think like John says in the opening theme they're very similar men deep down. I think they're able to communicate in ways the more emotional Bucky is not able to with his father. While they always loved each other I think there was always this slight issue of communication between them where they just don't quite get one another.

Gale, with his observational ability and honestly, some level of fear of John Sr. (older fatherly men etc.) he's very attuned and attentive not just what John Sr. is saying out loud but also what he is not saying. There's a lot of nonverbal communication between them that is fun to write between the lines.

Why I chose that title

My body turns

And yearns for a sleep that won't ever come

It's never over

My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder

It's never over

All my riches for her smiles

When I've slept so soft against her

obviously pronouns changed, but this is the part of the song I pulled the title from. The song is just all about yearning and a missed opportunity which is I think a very central theme to Kfak. Obviously it works out for them too but god it took a second to get there!

A fun fact about the fic

Fun fact ooo lets see...

John calls his dad Pops because it's time period appropriate but also that's what I called my grandfather! It feels like a nice little hello to him every time I write it and it's a fun way of keeping my memory of him alive and fresh. John Sr. is not like my pops at all but either way it makes me smile to type

#swiftytalks #kingdom for a kiss #sorry lemme write an essay at 8 am

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thisisthinprivilege · 1 year

Text

A Long Talk About Growing Up & Living In A Larger Body (as well as a smaller body).

::Trigger warning - abuse, eating disorders and weight loss/gain ::

I grew up relatively aware of thin privilege, though I didn't have a label for it until recently. I spent the first 8 years of my life skinny, but my mother has always had a struggle with her weight and has been gaining and losing in that endless cycle since long before I was born, and has struggled with bulimia since she was in middle school in the 60's. She tried her best not to pass on any issues with food to me, but it never occurred to her that I would internalize how she thought of and spoke about her own body. Her attempts were also complicated by the fact that she tended to share too many of her struggles with me. She would talk about how my Dad's business partner didn't like her hanging around the animal hospital (my dad is a veterinarian). She told me that he said to some of the employees that "he doesn't know how Dave (my dad) stands it" in reference to my mom's weight. There was also someone at church that told my dad once that he basically got shafted when it came to his wife's looks. Thankfully, my father is a wonderful man and told the man that he thought my mom was gorgeous and to NEVER speak like that about her to him again. I loved that my Dad had said that, but I also figured out very, very young that fat meant everyone thought you were ugly and horrible and disgusting and that your life basically ended when you gained weight and started again when you lost.

I myself started gaining weight toward the beginning of my 9th year. In all honesty, I was mainly just hitting an early puberty, but since it was so early and my mother wasn't in a place to reassure me that what my body was doing was normal, I started to pathologize it right away - especially when I got asked by an older girl how much I weighed and when I looked to her for reassurance she just shrugged and said 'yeah, you're probably fat." That was my first experience of that awful worthless & ugly feeling I get when someone says those dreaded "you're fat" words, and when I told my mom she just said unconvincingly "no, sweetie, you're not fat." The problem is, I had already started getting told by people how much I looked like my mother, and well...if she thought her body was so disgusting, and my body was starting to look like hers, how could mine not be disgusting, too? There are a number of other factors that played into the beginning of an 'Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified"- the sexual abuse that occurred the previous two years, my family joining a cult that took me out of school (it was a Christian homeschool-based group) and prohibited girls from being too active (while simultaneously being obsessed with girls not being too fat) and my mother going through a period of intense depression that left me largely on my own much of the time, with none of my old now-not-Christian-enough friends to keep me company...so food started to be the best distraction. Since then, I've gained weight and lost weight in the cycle most (maybe all?) of us go through, and have found that it's so much easier to be fat positive when you're thinner. I think the most difficult thing for me is the clothes. I'm 5 feet tall, and have yet to find one SINGLE plus size clothing item that isn't inches and inches too long for me. I'm right on the edge of straight sizes and plus sizes, but I can only comfortably wear an XL height-wise, which means I can only wear clothing cut to be very loose and stretchy. When I was a size 0, 2, 4, 6, 10, 12...(you get the idea) I could go to cute used clothing boutiques and spend $100 and get an entire season's clothing items, all of which made me feel so good about myself and got endless compliments from strangers. Now, it's t-shirt and stretchy jeans land, and I'm in that invisible too-fat-to-be-pretty, too-thin-to-be-stared-at place, and though I'm intensely aware of just how much privilege I have being able to squeeze into a size 16, fly comfortably and know that chairs will always be big enough, I still walk around in constant shame. It's almost worse that I spent a number of years being actually "thin." (Although i spent that entire time obsessing about every single bite I took, asking anyone that I knew well enough if I had just eaten too much and if they thought I was gaining weight again.) Now I've gained probably 50lbs, and I don't know how to love my body. I don't know how to stand that automatic I'm-lower-in-status-than-the-thin-girls. I don't know how to stand the I-to-feel-so-great-about-myself thing, and the compliments that don't exist anymore.

I broke my ankle 3 years ago - a really bad break from twisting my ankle while wearing stilettos - and that's when I noticed the lack of thin privilege the most. It started with when I woke up from surgery (I needed two plates and 3 huge screws to put my ankle back together because I basically just broke my foot off the bottom of my leg) and in the haze of the warm fuzzy feeling of waking up from anesthesia, the nurse with me said "Hey, sweetie, do you mind if I give you a little advice?" I was curious and absolutely clueless about what she might say so I said of course...and she said "Well, just make sure you don't gain any more weight, OK?" I don't know if you've ever woken up from anesthesia, but you're in a very vulnerable place emotionally, so I just started to sob as soon as they wheeled me away from her (I didn't want her to see me crying). I cried big, ugly sobs all the way upstairs and when I got to my hospital room where my best friend, mother, and girlfriend were waiting for me I just cried even harder. The hospital attendants didn't know what to make of it, but my partner immediately asked me what was wrong and I told her what the lady had said (though it took a few tries because none of them could understand me at first, I was crying so hard.) My partner - who is very fat-positive - went storming downstairs and spoke (well, I think yelled-at is more accurate) the nurse, telling her that I had an eating disorder and I had been working very hard on self image, etc etc, but my self esteem has never gotten back to where it was beforehand. Following that, I had a visiting nurse tell me that it was my fault that I broke my ankle because I was too fat to wear high heels - even though I told him that the heel of my stiletto had been coming off the shoe and I got it caught in a crack in the pavement.)

Around the same time I had a roommate that was naturally very skinny, though she ate about as healthily as I did. She had the audacity to tell me that she thought it was JUST AS HARD to be too skinny as to be "too fat." I just looked at her, stunned. This, coming from the girl that bragged to me about all the times she's been asked to model, or has modeled, for people. The girl that everyone asks out, that can find clothes the second she walks into virtually any clothing store. But yeah, sure, it's totally just as difficult...even though you have no idea what it's like to be told that your serious injury is your own fault because you're too fat to wear what you were wearing. I tried to explain thin privilege to her, how everyone she sees on TV is her size, that people my size are portrayed as stupid, lazy, ugly, dirty, etc, but people her size get cast as "the beautiful ones."

Then there's the therapist issue that someone else mentioned. They all seem so clueless about how to help me. When I tell them "I don't want to loose weight; I just want to love myself no matter what size I am" they say "OK! So how do you think you can eat healthier?" "How can we get you to move your body?" It's like, I pay you $100 a week for you to LISTEN to me. Did you not even hear my last friggen sentence? If I lose weight, I'll still be just as obsessed, I'll be unhappy all the time, worrying about whether or not I'm going to gain weight again. I don't want to be that way, so please, help!" So...I keep going onto blogs like this and reading books about fat acceptance and try to tell myself that my worth isn't tied up in my weight and neither is my beauty, but how do you keep that up when the entire world undermines it? I can't even watch movies or TV without encountering the "well she gained weight so now she's ugly" or "she's ugly cuz she's fat" (etc etc) idea. I've spent a months at a time feeling good about myself, but it's just seemed to evaporate in the past 3 months or so, and I don't know how to get it back. I want to scream a giant "F-YOU!" at the world and wear bikinis and tank tops and shorts and feel great doing it, but I feel like I've tried everything and can't let go of my intense insecurity. I've missed a dear, lifelong friend's wedding because I felt fat. I never leave the house, and I never ever hang out with people that haven't seen me since I've gained weight. It seems to dictate my entire life, and I don't know how to get it to let go of me...or how to get myself to let go of it. So I guess I'll keep talking about it, keep reading about it and try to surround myself with supportive people and images, and be comforted by the fact that all of you are out there, and you know how it feels, and we're in this together. <3

#thin privilege #healthism #doctors #healthcare #fat discrimination #clothes #shopping #trigger warning #abuse #parents #food #weight loss #thinsplaining #submission

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divinekangaroo · 6 months

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Loved that you gave Lizzie backstory in your fics. Do you reckon she will be alright with how S6 ended? I'm truly heartbroken for her and need closure

My opinion/headcanon on how she is after S6 depends on what we think happens after Tommy disappears. Like, if he simply disappeared, then he reappears at some point...I mean, I do imagine they divorce, this is not a marriage, but I also think Lizzie would probably find her feet? And that she and Tommy would be relatively amicable if not necessarily friends/in a relationship? She's got a significant position in the company now and there's every sign she would continue, especially if she becomes Charlie's primary parent figure.

But if we imagine Tommy's disappearance was reported as a death, and Lizzie hears and believes he died - and given the circumstances, even if Arthur tells Lizzie that Tommy was sick, it's still *clearly* a suicide - I think Lizzie takes it much, much harder. She was his carer in the end, in that broken way they had, and when she couldn't take his self-harm and the way it fell on her in the end, she left him - triggering his son to leave him - only to find out a few weeks, maybe months after her “abandonment” (1) of a man that she knew was unstable, had been suicidal, was taking extreme inexplicable murderous/sexual actions, was having seizures - that Tommy then committed suicide all on his own? I do not imagine she copes well *at all*, especially with how she'd adopted that job/role/mantle of his carer/calmer/safety line. (<- This second/worse scenario is more what I like to play in with fic, and I have bits and pieces of story planned. No matter her past pragmatism about the impact of his behaviours, this is the first time she walks away from Tommy ever — and he kills himself? Fffff the rage and hurt and despair and *rage*…and when he reappears, my goodness, times it all by 1000)

Generally, though, I don't know if the show ever intends to gives closure. I sort of like that? In some ways it feels a bit more realistic, yanno? Closure's a bit of a fabrication in the real world.

I do like to speculate that in either scenario, Lizzie takes all of Tommy's money and legal authority and businesses, and changes her name back to Stark; Charlie decides to go by Charles Burgess and reverts the name of the foundation to the Grace Burgess Foundation; Duke never changes his surname from his mother's surname; when Ada hits politics she of course goes by Ada Thorne. (And Linda returns herself and Billy to her maiden name, and Shelby Co has no more Shelbys on the board ->) So the name Shelby lives and dies with Tommy and Arthur alone. (And the gin distillery goes bankrupt probably)

So I suppose we could speculate Lizzie gets something out if it? CEO/Queen at last. But not closure…

((1) Note the self blame I talk about above is how I imagine Lizzie might react and isn’t a comment on suicide contributing factors)

#tw: suicide

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hearts4farryn · 1 year

Text

July 19, 2023

TW! ed, sa, addiction, basically dead dove don’t eat

After years of an ed, I finally find myself on Tumblr; the HOLY GRAIL of disordered people. You’d think after 3 years of therapy, several hospital trips, and multiple attempts i’d learn my lesson. At this point I think I just like wallowing in my mental illnesses. Once quarantine started, I just went spiraling down a path in the wrong direction. But this year has been the most wild point of my life. It’s funny, a couple weeks ago my step-dad asked me if I had hit rock bottom. His question didn’t sprout from just a few of my life’s mishaps though. My biological dad who lives across the United States sent my and in-depth suicide note through his Gmail; causing me to stress over him for weeks. A few months earlier I had been raped by a man in his 20’s, but he got shot 2 weeks after. Karma’s a bitch when it needs to be. And finally, the cherry on top, my parents and relatives found out my therapist was grooming me. I knew that his sexual advances towards me weren’t necessarily normal, but he has told me countless times I was “one of a kind” and he “thought about me often.” The worst part of him grooming me was people finding out. I could handle that my middle aged therapist (who was actually very cute!) found me attractive and had other plans than me just being a client to him. I didn’t mind it. Being victimized and the stress of taking legal action was a completely different topic. Thank God, my parents decided to stray away from the police. I’ve already had enough encounters with them anyway. Back to my step-dad saying I hit rock bottom, I already knew I hadn’t. Not even a week after he asked, I overdosed on my bedroom floor with Euphoria playing in the background. No fucking joke. This was also not on purpose (surprisingly) and I had been using for a long time before this. My blue leds were on too. My mom found me in my bed; grey-faced, convulsing, while my friend held back tears as she watched death almost swallow me whole. My mom dragged me to the floor, called 911, and started CPR. Mind you I was in a thong and bra during all of this. EMTS eventually arrived at my house and I woke up to lights flashing in my eyes and realizing everyone there has seen me half naked. I cried in the ambulance and apologized to the officer beside me countless times. To be honest, he was probably getting pissed and how much i was whining and the amount of “I’m so sorrys” i was throwing out there. If anyone out there has experienced addiction and thought, “oh! there’s no way that’ll happen to me! i know what i’m doing.” There is always a way. ALWAYS. Especially with hard shit. I’ve been sober since then and hope to continue, but i still haven’t processed it fully. Instead of realizing it was a very serious situation, I just giggle at the thought of it and move on. Anyways, all this crazy shit has sprouted into my life after my first heartbreak. I had been cheated on after I poured everything into a relationship. At the same time, what did I expect out of a teenage boy? I won’t go too in depth about that, it’s always the same story for everyone. Now Im about 2000 miles from home, with my childhood best friends. It’s a nice and quiet break from everything. I just kind of relive the same day and don’t have to worry about being around my triggers. These 3 weeks have been the easiest weeks to get clean. I just hope i stay clean, i honestly never know. Without a therapist, I’m just going to have to figure shit out on my own and hope I’m doing life right. This year I’ll be going into my sophomore year of high school, and I kind of can’t wait for summer to be over. But first I need to be skinny!! I want to be sickly. That’s just kind of what I’m relying on to cope right now. If anyone needs to rant in my dms they are always welcome, I am here for this community! I get it. This is my first update here, I’m not sure if anyone will read it but hi if u do! Thank you for listening!

xoxo

farryn

#tw ana diary #i want to be sick #tw ed rant #b0dy check #tw ana fast #th1n$pø #4norexi4 #th1n$po #thinspø #low cal restriction

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bottomtrevor · 2 years

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got any Michael headcanons u wanna share with the class? >:B

This prompt made me realize I don’t think as much of Michael 😭😭 digging thru my Trevor brain-rot brain to find crumbs of Michael ngl

This one isn’t really a headcanon bcz I think it was hinted heavily in canon but I’m not sure— I think Michael may be a sociopath. Doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person, of course, I think he just struggles to emotionally connect with others. Doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to or can’t FEEL emotion— yes he cares for Amanda, yes he loves his kids, yes he cares for his friends/associates (all in his own way) and doesn’t like killing when it’s senseless (or at least that’s what he tells Trevor, I believe), but he definitely is exploitative and looks for his own benefit

WHICH brings me to my next point which I assume is also fairly popular— Michael’s exploitative nature was heavily expressed towards Trevor, especially in the earlier years after he’d understood that Trevor was really attached to him. So like Trevor was doing shit for him which he knew wouldn’t be done for him in return. There was always an (unintentional?) power dynamic — we know Trevor was relatively “chill”er in his youth, so I think he was more easily influenced by his need to please and be around Michael? Michael also sometimes (both unknowingly some times, and knowingly at others ) used “positive reinforcements” to not only keep Trevor on the right path, but also to keep him dedicated to himself. Why? Because uhh repressed LGBT activity makes a man possessive I guess

HES A SOCIAL MEDIA LURKER FR. he looks at posts from his friends and family, never interacts online but might mention something that caught his interest in a face-to-face conversation. (Amanda posts 2 pics asking which outfit looks better at 3pm. “The red one looked best by the way.” Michael replies when they’re in bed getting ready to sleep.)

Used to be obsessed with working out, obviously. He was a jock 🙏🏻

He just likes being a big spoon 🤷🏻‍♀️ never even acknowledged it to himself tho bcs that’s the kinda corny even he can’t stand

Can’t dance

Neutral towards pets/animals. Doesn’t have a particular favorite and doesn’t hate any particular one.

He gives me momma’s boy vibes (not like the vibes Trevor has tho? Much milder) I don’t know why. Can’t even elaborate on this one

Literally the entire fandom agrees: R E P R E S S E D H O M O

hasn’t cried since he was born 🚩

Before, his reaction to almost everything would be a knuckle sandwich 👊🏻💢 . (Being around the trigger-happy Trevor didn’t help) now his reaction to almost everything is just a blank stare ( “😐” looking ass) he worked hard to manage violent impulses and he knew he could only get them under control if he distanced himself from “bad company”

He doesn’t even miss his old surname at all. I think part of him would’ve gladly left it in the past— he didn’t really have a connection to it

Suspects that Ron has....something going on for Trevor (Franklin doesn’t believe him). Call it a crush or whatever. He definitely wants to tease Trevor about it

hes dismissive when it comes to heart-to-hearts. Doesn’t like lengthy emotional talking— he’d rather brush it under the rug. If it’s not a problem he can shoot at, please don’t bring it up 👍🏻 he CAN say corny shit every now and then if someone REALLY needs to hear it but he doesn’t really mean much of it half the time.

Jimmy and Tracey tried showing him vines and low-quality meme vids . He was not impressed. (He laughs at the kind of shit Franklins VA posts on his insta 😭 I wouldn’t say boomer humor exactly but.....lowkey boomer humor)

#these are all I can think of rn!#I’m ashamed even some of these have to do with Trevor I rlly can’t get that nasty old man out my head #I’ll gladly try and think of more #thank u so much for the ask tho I rlly appreciate it :3!#gta 5 #grand theft auto v #gta v #michael de santa #grand theft auto #gta #michael townley

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shadesofdeviant · 1 year

Text

Tarlos Thoughts

I'm honestly struggling to write anything Tarlos related at the moment and I entirely blame season 4.

Listen, I can accept TK and Carlos' flaws, they're human beings not caricatures and I do not expect them to be perfect at all times. Equally I do not suddenly despise one of them when they make mistakes, I want 3-dimensional characters that seem real and flawed, not perfect idols of worship. But my god this season is testing my patience and I'm putting it beneath a read more because I will ramble.

TL:DR I fucking hate miscommunication and Tarlos is looking far too unhealthy in this series. I do not blame this on the characters or the actors. I'm looking at you Tim.

Also, just incase anyone needs it, trigger warning for 2x12, spoiler warning for 4x12 and more importantly a trigger warning for discussions of actions that could be interpreted as abuse.

I got why Carlos was married. I appreciate that he was lost, feeling very much unaccepted and it was during a time at which the idea of marrying another man was little more than a fever dream. So he has this close relationship with his best friend, and honestly if my best friend wasn't already married, she'd be the only one I would ever consider marrying. I Get that.

What I DON'T get though. Is how long it took for him to bring it up to TK.

Listen miscommunication rubs me the wrong way. Whether it's in TV, Movies, Asian Dramas, Fanfiction etc. If I see any form of miscommunication I will back out. I have the tag blacklisted on AO3 because I don't like it and so I choose to avoid it. Because I get feral and just end up screaming "Just fricking talk to each other OMFG!". It's also why I don't watch too many TV shows.

The thing about the marriage that bugs me is that Carlos seemingly had no intention of telling TK. TK proposed, spent weeks, months? (LS timelines elude me sometimes) planning the wedding, visiting venues etc. and not one peep of Carlos telling him or even trying to tell him. Again, I get Carlos is a control freak and tries to fix everything himself and does not like admitting when things are beyond his ability and he is very much captain deflection and does not like to share his own problems ever.

And honestly, with the way TK runs away at the slightest sign of issues within the relationship and explodes like a minefield, it's not explicitly mentioned, but I can very much imagine that this humongous flaw played a part in Carlos keeping the issue to himself. And I will admit I was...surprised...TK was so calm when Carlos admitted he was married, I was fully expecting him to end up back at his Dad's for a few months again.

But it feels very much a disservice to himself and TK for it to get to the point it did. It felt very much like he was hoping to divorce Iris and then marry TK without TK being any the wiser. Which is too much on the side of lying for my comfort.

Especially since we've often seen him trying to get TK to talk to him about things.

Now this discourse about kids.

Again I get it. I do not want kids EVER. I will gladly be the godparent and cool relative who gets them hyped on sugar then give them back with an evil grin.

Carlos' wants for the future sound very much like a "Not yet" rather than a "not ever" and look, the pair of them are still young and haven't been together that long in the grand scheme of things especially considering breakups and comas etc. But how has this conversation never come up before? It's just drama for drama's sake.

But what really really irks me about the entire season....is the jokes about his wife and being married that he just peppers into conversation constantly. How long has it been since the truth was revealed? Are Carlos and Iris even divorced/annulled yet? What part of TK's reaction to the marriage made Carlos think it was okay to joke about it?

Carlos you lied to TK about the marriage, then you seemingly got angry and blamed TK for when Iris disappeared, you then lied again when you told TK you were staying at the hospital overnight. How does any of that equate to TK being okay with you making "my wife" jokes?

Honestly with all this miscommunication drama that the writers/producers are putting in seemingly for the sake of creating drama...all they're doing is making Carlos come across as mean and TK come across as being baby-fied and uwued or whatever the current terminology is.

I wont go as far as to say the way Carlos talks to TK is gaslighting, but its coming very very close with the way he deflects and responds to some of the things TK says (especially in the parental discussion) and how he often seems to trivialise TK being upset. And let me be clear I am blaming poor writing for that, not Carlos as a character or Rafael.

Equally the way TK jumps to "So you're saying you think I'll be a bad father" whilst obviously intended to be a show of his lingering insecurities, could be argued as quite the gaslight as well. And don't get me started on TK's explosive reaction in season 2 or the way he ran away and didn't communicate prior to season 3. Honestly, if I was the one dating either of them, I would have ran for the hills like my name was Owen Strand, months, if not years ago.

STOP GAP FOR A MOMENT.

Just to reiterate. I AM NOT ACCUSING CARLOS OR TK OF BEING ABUSIVE. I am saying that POOR WRITING and a lack of understanding of healthy relationships by TIM and the WRITERS are allowing for actions/words to be interpreted as borderline abusive.

But...honestly Tarlos used to be one of my comfort relationships and it's very much drifting into the typical media territory of never letting the gays be happy. It started at the end of season 2 with how TK reacted to the news Gabriel arrested Owen and it's just been getting worse as the seasons go on.

We're drifting dangerously towards the "bury your gays" trope and I don't care how much reassurance we get from Tim or Ronen etc. that Tarlos is endgame, I'm starting to not believe it, or...dare I say it...want it.

I don't know if I can make it to the end of the season at this rate.

Please bear in mind this is my opinion. If you do not agree with this fine. I will not accept anyone coming at me in my ask box to defend or vilify Carlos or TK for their actions and I am not team TK or team Carlos I have issues with both of them, they both have flaws as characters and are the direct equal cause of issues in their relationship

But finally, I would like to point out this:

Dotted moments of cuteness and lightheartedness do not a healthy relationship make.

#9-1-1: Lone Star #9-1-1 ls spoilers #Tarlos #rintrash #I have opinions #I'm probably inviting hate with this #but I am beyond caring right now #Listen #I love Tarlos #I love Carlos and TK as characters individually #But I am so done with this season already

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tsunderedoctor · 3 years

Note

Hey Purple! Got a headcanon request I hope will be fun...how do you think Zoro, Smoker, and Rob Lucci (and Law for you, if you'd like) would react to a S/O a strong and normally self-sufficient S/O...but the S/O is essentially a vampire, and has a strong preference for their blood? Would the character allow their S/O to drink from them? Thanks, and hope things turn around for ya' soon!

Thank you Bedlam! ❤️❤️ (I also apologize it took a while- apartment hunting is not as fun as I though it would be-) But this ask was super fun to write!! Thanks for sending it in!

Just wanted to mention a possible trigger warning for mentions of cuts and blood- just in case!! 💞

Babes Below~!

Roronoa Zoro

He at first finds your strong physical strength to be admirable and amazing! He would want to fight and train with you whenever he could! He’s convinced you must have trained all your life to be as amazing as you are in physical strength.

When he finds our your physical strength comes from drinking other’s blood, he’s a bit confused, but shrugs it off, he’s seen more weird things before. He still believes you worked hard though to get where you are, so he respects you and appreciates you helping him as well get stronger.

The first time you had drank his blood, it was completely by accident. He had cut himself while practicing, the tree he was fighting happened to break just right, and a piece of the wood cut into his arm. You were helping him clean the wound, when you couldn’t resist anymore and licked a bit of the blood on his bicep.

You’ve never tasted blood like this before, you believed it was due to his pure intentions and strong heart. Breaking away from his arm you looked up at him to see his blushing face and confusion in his eyes.

“I-I’m so sorry! Please don’t think less of me!”

“It’s fine--”

He didn’t think you would actually find his blood to be appetizing enough to ask for more, your only reply was always a deep blush, especially when you told him how you usually bite people’s neck to get the blood. He comes to not mind it too much, knowing you are doing it to protect yourself and the crew, he just wished it didn’t have to be in such embarrassing ways!

Smoker the White Hunter

He knew about your special ability due to you working for the marines and being in the G5 unit. He made sure you knew that you weren’t allowed to bite the other members, due to them being normal humans and the only way you could be in the unit would be if you agreed to only biting enemies or himself.

For the most part, it was mostly the enemies. The others didn’t mind your special ability and praised you for your hard work and dedication to the unit and always protecting them. Smoker himself would even praise you when you protected the unit in their time of need.

Everything went relatively smoothly, until you felt yourself get weak after a hard battle, you were slowly losing your strength. Noticing your weakened state, he grabbed your waist and leaned you against his shoulder as he got you inside a safe place. He remembered being told once that your powers come with a price and if you don’t get enough blood you become like a regular human.

“Drink it.”

He had managed to cut his palm just enough to give you the blood you needed. Unsure, you shook your head at first, almost scared to drink the blood of your beloved commander. However, he ushered his hand closer to your mouth, closer to your nose making your instincts kick in.

After that, he seemed more willing, almost robotically, to give you his blood. He even sometimes made excuses to give you his blood; the enemy was too strong still or they had to take them straight away to Impel Down. You didn’t mind it too much after awhile, it eventually became something personal between you and your commander alone.

Rob Lucci

Another one who knew of your abilities due to being in the CP9. He held no judgement on how you got your powers, as long as you were healthy and safe, he was fine with how you got your blood.

Luckily, the organization provided you a supple amount of blood, so you never seemed to go out.

Unfortunately after your teams fire from the organization, you had lost that once unlimited amount of blood. Leaving you growing weaker and weaker as days went by. Lucci was the first to notice this, and did his best to find ways to get blood, but eventually came to you one night with a preposition.

“For the time being, you are going to drink my blood.”

Confusion graced your features, but he continued to speak, not giving you a chance to question him.

“It’s the easiest way for now, until things go more smoothly, Cipher Pol requested our audience in a few weeks. I believe they will want our help again, if that’s the case we can get you more blood, but until then, you will drink from me.”

Even when you and the others become part of the CP-0, he still feels suspicious and nervous of the organization and the possibly of failing their expectations, so once in a while, he will remind you that despite your strength, he wants you to still rely on him in your time of need, just in case you two find yourself alone again.

Trafalgar D. Water Law

(I headcanon that Law has somehow saved everyone in his crew so that’s why I went with this scenario-)

He had learned of your ability almost right away, doing his own research he found you in front of a bar that held criminals of all kinds. You were fighting with some marines who had a bounty on your head for your odd abilities, to say he hasn’t heard of you would be an understatement. Quickly coming in with a swift “Room” and a “Shambles” the men you fought were now deformed creatures of their former selves.

Turning towards him, ready to fight him if needed be, you let your guard down as he raised his hand in silent defeat. You continued to eye the man, feeling your body weaken by the second.

“What do you want?”

He raised his brow, curious that even in a weakened state, you still wanted to fight. He definitely admired that, but knew it was also a stupid attempt, if he wanted to, he would have already killed you by now.

“You seem to be in need, and looks like I’m the only one willing to offer it.”

You glared once more up at the man, but your eyes widen as you watched the pirate bite his finger before bringing it closer to your face. Continuing to stare at the man, a dark glint shined in his eyes before he spoke again. His words holding a tone of a person who seen too much in his young life.

“What do you say, you ready to join the Heart Pirates?”

Tag List: @chloe-abbacchio @musical-apple @macdonaldsmanager and whoever wants to join!

#tsunderedoctor #ask #roronoa zoro #zoro roronoa x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #zoro x reader #white chase smoker #one piece smoker #smoker x reader #rob lucci #rob lucci x reader #trafalgar d. water law #trafalgar law #trafalgar d water law #trafalgar d. water law x reader #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar d law x reader #one piece #one piece headcanons

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charmingyong · 4 years

Text

Only Fate Can Tell

Prologue

Genre: Jaehyun x fem!reader, adorable bestfriend!Taeyong x Irene, marriage, fluff, slowburn, humour, angst

Warnings: slowburn, brief mention of mental health, babysitting children, alcohol consumption, awkward feelings, unrequited love, blinded by assumed thoughts, an idiot to not acknowledge the feelings of love, suggestive at the end

Word count: 16k

Plot: You didn’t want to marry, but your parents were keen to find you a life partner considering your age. After numerous failed attempts of finding an alliance because you rejected all the potential ones after first meeting, your parents gave you a warning if you rejected yet another one. Therefore, much to your dismay, you chose to give Jung Jaehyun a chance.

A/N: This is a story of what happens before the marriage takes place (i.e. no married life scene in this part, and I will be writing a sequel). A few scenes were inspired by ‘The Return of Superman’ show. There’s a small surprise for Jaeyong stans. Songs of inspiration: Jaehyun’s I Like Me Better (Lauv), Love Me Now (NCT 127). Disclaimer: Taeyong x Irene is only for a fictional purpose in this story. If triggered, do not read this.

Gif: mine

- ❀ -

You dragged your feet to the entrance of the top floor restaurant, your palms getting sweaty as the doors slid open, making you hear the soft music more clearly. You were nowhere near interested in the blind date that your parents had set you up with. Even though you were itching to not show your face to the unfortunate man that had to see you, you didn’t have the heart to have your date be stood up by you.

You made eye contact with a female greeting you upon entry into the elegant establishment. “Hello ma’am. Do you have a reservation?”

“Yes, his name is Qian Kun.”

“Ah yes, please come this way.” She led you past the tables with light chatters, and you reached the end of the room where a man sat looking out the floor-to-ceiling windows at the miniature vehicles zooming on the highway.

“Sir, your date has arrived.”

Kun pried his eyes away from the window and towards you, a smile taking its place on his face. “Hello Miss Y/N. Please have a seat.” He gestured to the empty chair across him.

You nodded, timidly sitting down with your eyes wandering everywhere except on his.

“Would you like anything for starters?” he asked you gently.

You pursed your lips and shook your head. “Um, I need to tell you something.”

His lips formed an ‘oh’ and signaled for the server to leave you momentarily. “Yes, what is it?”

You took a deep breath in. “I only came here because my parents have been pestering me nonstop to get married. I’m really sorry but I’m not interested in marriage. It has nothing to do with you. It’s just me and I’m really sorry about that.”

Kun nodded, smiling tenderly at you. “I completely understand. I’m also here for that same reason.”

Your eyes widened slightly. “You too?”

“Yes. I actually want to focus on my career, and so I was hoping to get married like a few years from now. Definitely not now,” he spoke his last words quietly.

You smiled. “Well, I’m glad we’re both on the same boat. So I guess I’ll be going then since there’s no point for me to be here now,” you chuckled nervously.

He shook his head. “Please don’t. It’d be a shame to have you leave here with an empty stomach. This can just be a friendly dinner. That’s if you don’t mind, of course.”

You couldn’t say no to his kind eyes, especially when he was being a gentleman. “A friendly dinner it is.”

- ❀ -

You rang the doorbell and waited for a few seconds. The door flung open, revealing a smiling Irene. “Y/N! How did it go?” she beamed, excited to hear the details.

“You know the answer to that.” You took off your shoes and walked inside the clean spacious condo. Your eyes landed on little Aera who was on her four and you cooed, running up to her. You picked her up, cradling her tiny body in your arms and smooching a number of kisses all over her face. In return, Aera squealed happily from the sudden love attack.

Irene sighed. “You seriously did it again? Not give him a chance?”

You sat down on the couch with Aera on your lap. “Well, we did have a friendly dinner. And besides, he wasn’t interested in marriage either and he wanted to focus on his career.”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You got saved this time, but it might not happen again. I don’t know how many times your parents are going to let it slide until they’ve had enough and force you into an arranged marriage.”

You cocked an eyebrow at her. “Isn’t this arranged anyway? Having to go on blind dates that they set me up with?”

“Yeah but you have a choice right now to say yes or no. What if next time you don’t get so lucky and they get fed up with you having to constantly reject every single one, and they force you into a marriage without your consent?”

You stilled, staring at Aera’s joyful face. Irene was right. There was a chance that you might not be lucky one day and be forced into a marriage without love. But you wanted to trust your parents that they’d let you choose your partner, no matter how long it’d take.

- ❀ -

You drove to your next blind date a few days later. Your hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as you ground your teeth, remembering back to your parents’ words the previous night. Even though your head was heated, you tried to focus on the calming music that played from the audio system in your car, safely driving down the streets without any road rage.

You parked the car in the near vacant lot and stepped out. The date was held yet again at a luxurious restaurant and you sighed.

At least it’s not as expensive looking like the past ones, you thought.

You grasped the golden handle and pushed it open. The lighting wasn’t too bright, just dim enough to create a cozy ambiance.

“Hello madam, are you F/N L/N?” The male inquired.

Bewildered, you nodded. “Yes. How did you know?”

He smiled politely. “The entire restaurant is currently booked for Mister Jung Jaehyun.”

You looked around and indeed found it unoccupied of customers, only spotting a male figure at the opposite end of the place, his back facing you at a table.

“Please come this way.”

You followed, your legs becoming heavier with every step and your heart pounded in your chest.

Please let everything go well with him, you prayed silently.

The server pulled out your chair and you sat down without giving your date a glance. Once you were settled, you then looked up and your breathing halted momentarily.

His soft eyes were trained on you, along with a smile accompanied by dimples so handsome that you almost swooned.

But good looks aren’t going to mean anything if there’s no love, you thought.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Y/N,” he greeted warmly.

You forced a smile out of courtesy. “Same here, Jaehyun.”

- ❀ -

“So how’s Jaehyun?” your mother asked with an vibrant smile.

You sighed. “Okay I guess.”

“So it’s a yes then,” your father stated.

You almost glared at him. “The date was okay. I didn’t feel anything with him.” Your palms were clenched tightly while you tried to slow your breathing down.

“Oh sweetie, you don’t have to feel anything for him. Love doesn’t have to happen right now. And Jaehyun’s a good boy. I’m sure he’ll make you happy,” your mother said.

You groaned quietly. “What if love never happens? He can’t make me happy if I don’t love him.”

“Your mother and I didn’t have any love in the beginning, but we learned to care for each other.”

“Caring is not the same as love.”

His hard gaze was locked on you. “It is.”

Grinding your teeth, you could never beat your father with his words.

Your father mentioned beforehand that if the date with Jaehyun also failed, then he was going to force you in a relationship with a man that you wouldn’t see until the day of the wedding. This meant that you were now, technically, arranged to marry Jaehyun.

You were at an age where your friends and relatives were already married, even having children. Your parents viewed societal expectations more important than your own, and so that resulted in you having to go on numerous blind dates with you fully prepared to turn down every single guy no matter what. You wanted to marry someone that you would love, and all the dates that your parents had set you up with were of men that met their ideal type as their future son-in-law.

The date with Jaehyun felt more awkward than with any previous ones. That was because with Jaehyun, you weren’t just there ready to reject him in the face as politely as possible, but you were trying to accept him as your future husband. While that would be something teenage you would squeal about in high school, you cringed greatly at that in your twenties. Your teenage self always dreamt of a grand wedding with the love of your life. But growing up, you accepted the reality. Not everyone was lucky to meet their love and the fact that you hadn’t met yours made you pessimistic.

Pessimistic that love wasn’t written in your fate.

So far, Jaehyun did seem like an okay guy and you could only wish that your feelings would grow for him, especially before the marriage date. Nothing about him upon first meeting had you dreading of a thing that you didn’t like in him. But... “Can I please seriously ask you something without you two being biased?”

Your parents looked a each other, embracing themselves for what you had to inquire. “Sure sweetie, what is it?”

You gulped down the bump forming in your throat. “What if I find out something bad about him before the wedding, or something I don’t like in him? Do I have to force myself to be with him still?” you asked with a puppy look to make your parents grow soft for you and agree.

A brief silence was what you were met with as they silently conversed with one another through their eyes. Your father released a long breath afterwards. “You have up until the time before the wedding invitations are distributed to give me a reason why you shouldn’t marry Jaehyun. And it must be a valid reason.”

- ❀ -

“Tae, are you even listening to me?”

His gaze was lowered onto the floating strawberries that swam around in his drink. “Yeah I am.” He took a long sip and smiled, humming in satisfaction. “Are you going to eat your pastry?”

You crossed your arms and leaned back in your seat. “You’re clearly not. My future is on the line and you want my pastry? You’re not even reacting to whatever I’m saying.”

He lifted his doe eyes onto you. “I am. But based on whatever you just said, the date didn’t sound like it went necessarily bad. All that happened was small talk and you two were silent most of the time.”

Your jaw dropped. “So now your gonna be on my parents’ side? Just because we were mostly silent doesn’t mean it didn’t go bad. What if we’re going to be like this after marriage? I can’t handle this awkwardness, Tae!”

“I’m not saying that I’m siding with your parents but give Jaehyun a chance. It was only the first meeting so obviously it’s going to feel awkward. Plus, based on the picture you showed me, he’s good looking.”

You blinked. “So?”

He shrugged, looking innocently at you. “Cute babies?”

“Shut up Lee Taeyong!”

He laughed, his head falling backward.

You sighed. “I can’t believe this. Why am I being forced into a marriage? Can’t they let me choose my partner?”

“They have been letting you for years, but you kept putting it off, Y/N.”

“Because I didn’t find the love of my life? I don��t like my parents’ choices where they always choose the one with money. I don’t want to marry a guy who’s only good with first impression but ends up being boring after marriage. I wanna meet someone like you, Tae. You’re so easy to love.”

Taeyong giggled. “I’m sure there are better guys out there than me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Please, you’re literally like the biggest cutest sweetheart on earth. I can’t even imagine someone beating your level. Irene is so lucky. If you didn’t fall in love with her, I would have asked for your hand in marriage,” you joked.

He shook his head, laughing hard. “Stop! You’re too much, Y/N. But don’t assume that all guys your parents try to set you up with are going to be boring. You don’t know the charms that Jaehyun’s carrying and before you know it, you’ll be falling for him.”

You sighed heavily. “Sounds too good to be true.”

He smiled sincerely. “Leave it up to your fate.” He looked behind you at the display case of the various baked goods before looking at your untouched pastry again. “So are you eating that or not?”

A smile tugged at your lips and you pushed your plate towards him. “Eat up. You need it more than me to keep up with the little angels in your home.”

After Taeyong devoured the chocolate tart, you both stepped out of the coffee shop with plans of heading over to the movies.

“I wish Irene could come with us, but the kids...” you trailed off.

Aera was only 9 months old and there was no way that little bundle would sit quietly for two hours unless she dozed off. Even if the problem was solved with Aera, Jinae was a year older and she was quite a curious and an energetic one. Though not more than Chunghee, the 4-year-old boy who was at the perfect age to be labeled as the troublemaker in the household.

“When I watch over the kids, you and Irene can have your girls night out. Or day, whatever time of the day it is.”

“Please make a vlog. I wanna see you struggle.”

Taeyong laughed. “Sorry to disappoint you but they love me more than Irene so they’re always listening to me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Maybe they’re scared of you.”

He clicked his tongue. “I’m sure they’re scared of Irene.”

You giggled. “I can see that being the case more.”

After paying for the tickets, you and Taeyong walked in the direction of the designated auditorium. Halfway through, Taeyong halted. “Awe man!”

“What is it?”

“I want sweet potato chips. But the vending machines aren’t here anymore,” he pouted.

You pondered for a bit, recalling back to the food counter by the entrance. “I think I saw them selling it at the front.”

His eyes brightened. “Really? Okay stay right here. I’ll be back soon.” He sprinted off in the next second, leaving you amused by his usual childlike behaviour. You pulled your phone out to entertain yourself for the time being.

“Y/N?” A deep voice called out your name and you looked up to find the man that you were unexpectedly seeing for the second time. Your body tensed hearing his voice again, and your heart skipped a beat when your eyes landed on his outfit. It was nice to see Jaehyun wear denim, something outside of the formal attire at the restaurant. In his hands was a container full of popcorn.

“Oh Jaehyun. What a surprise,” you awkwardly chuckled.

He grinned at you. “It is. Are you here alone?”

You shook your head. “No, my friend went to get some snacks. Are you?”

“My friend had to go do something. I was waiting for him until I saw you from the distance.”

Right on cue, a tall man appeared beside Jaehyun and genuinely smiled at you. “Oh, hi there. I’m Johnny.”

You gave him a tight smile. “I’m Y/N.”

His eyes went wide. “Y/N?” He turned to Jaehyun and repeated. “Y/N?” Johnny raised his eyebrows incredulously. He received a nod from Jaehyun and faced you again. “Oh my goodness. I heard about you and it’s seriously a pleasure to meet you.”

“Huh?”

He laughed at your puzzled expression while Jaehyun avoided your gaze nervously, his cheeks dusting pink. “It’s nice to see Jaehyun talk about something other than his work. He’s so devoted to his work that he sometimes forgets to chill out.”

Your heart fell at his words.

Devoted to his work.

You were not into men who were so passionate about their work that they’d forget about their well being. And not just well being, but they’d spend less time with their significant other.

Taeyong used to be like that until Irene was diagnosed with postpartum depression. He then took time off from work for Irene’s recovery. With his full attention on her and taking care of their first-born, Irene fully recovered with the prescribed treatments and Taeyong’s love, and you were relieved that the illness didn’t come back with Jinae and Aera.

You weren’t necessarily afraid of what happened to Irene. Taeyong had to get back to work after Irene’s recovery and they were able to pull through because there was love and understanding between them. There was no love between you and Jaehyun, and so your relationship, whatever little there was, had to depend on understanding one another. And that was going to be difficult when you weren’t interested in the man.

You pursed your lip, anxiously waiting for your friend’s return.

And finally he did with three bags of chips in his arms. “Sorry I took long. Oh! Jaehyun, right? Hi, I’m Taeyong. And you must be his friend, am I right?” he asked the taller one, shaking his hand.

“Yes, the name is Johnny. Nice to meet you, Taeyong. And boy, you have some strength.” Johnny was always the one with the most amount of strength. Therefore, having to meet someone who possessed nearly the same amount was impressive to him.

Taeyong chuckled. “Well I definitely do need it when having to look after my kids.”

It was a coincidence that the other two were there to watch the same movie as you. Taeyong suggested for them to sit with you two, and you sent your friend a small glare to which he responded with a smirk.

That was how you ended up sitting beside Taeyong and Jaehyun, squirming a little in your seat. During the advertisements, you noticed a popcorn container being offered to you by none other than your future husband. And you felt a slight pang in your heart.

“Sorry but I don’t like popcorn,” you admitted.

He was taken aback slightly before nodding and placed his popcorn on his lap, all while avoiding your gaze. You felt a bit bad. He was trying to be nice to you, but you weren’t going to force yourself to eat something that you weren’t a fan of.

Right after, Taeyong offered you his snack. You loved sweet potato chips, being the one to actually introduce it to your friend and you were proud to have him addicted to them. You took hold of the bag entirely, hearing a whine from him. You munched on the chips and hummed happily.

Jaehyun observed this and felt a stab of jealousy.

- ❀ -

“Jinae!” you beamed at the little girl waddling up to your open arms. You picked her up and swung her around in circles, making her laugh cheerfully.

“Wow Jinae, you really betrayed papa for Y/N auntie,” Taeyong sulked.

You stuck your tongue out playfully at him and pecked Jinae on her squishy cheek.

Chunghee ran up to his dad, crying with teary eyes. “Aigoo, what happened?” Taeyong kneeled down to meet his son’s level.

“Mama force me fruits!” he wailed.

Taeyong closed his eyes. “I should have known Ten uncle was going to be a bad influence on you,” he muttered.

“I can’t believe you trusted Ten with Chunghee. Wasn’t it only for an hour?”

He nodded in response and wiped the little boy’s tears away, kissing his forehead and picking him up with his strong arms. He carried Chunghee off to the bedroom while you sat down on the couch with Jinae in your lap.

“Don’t become like your brother and eat fruits, okay? Don’t stress your papa out.”

“Eung,” she responded in promise. You smiled at her and ruffled her hair, earning a smile from the baby.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, moving Jinae down beside you. You pulled it out that displayed Jaehyun’s name on the screen. Right after the movie ended, you bid Jaehyun and his friend a quick bye and dragged Taeyong out the theaters, not giving a chance for small talk.

You hesitantly answered the call and pressed the phone against your ear. “Hello?”

“Hi Y/N,” he greeted softly. “Are you busy tomorrow?”

You chewed on your bottom lip, guessing where that question would lead to.

A date.

As much as you wanted to lie and avoid him, it ultimately wasn’t going to do any good for anyone, including yourself. Spending more time with him meant more opportunities to find a flaw in him.

“Um, yeah- I mean no! I’m not free- I mean I AM free... tomorrow. Haha.” You wanted to slap yourself in the head.

If it weren’t for the silence on both ends, you would have missed the almost inaudible giggle from him. “Can I come pick you up tomorrow around lunchtime? For a date?”

“Sure, yeah, sounds great,” you smiled awkwardly.

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.”

Once the call ended, you were ready to chuck your phone across the room before tossing it next to you and slumped against the couch, physically cringing at how the conversation went. Jinae curiously watched you, her baby lips forming an ‘oh’ followed by her eyes crinkling in amusement.

- ❀ -

The doorbell rang to your home, which your mother giddily ran up to the front. A smiling Jaehyun was revealed on the other side who held a bouquet of warm-coloured flowers.

“Hello Mrs. L/N.”

“Jaehyun! Lovely to see you. Come on in now,” she ushered him inside.

Jaehyun’s eyes wandered around the interior design of the house, catching sight of the wall with framed photos of your life, ranging from your birth to your graduation. The smile tugging at his lips was enough to have your mother beam at him.

“Y/N has always been such as adorable girl. Isn’t she pretty?” She cooed at the pictures of little you laugh towards the camera, your pupils hidden behind your closed eyelids.

Jaehyun felt something in his heart. When he first saw you at the restaurant, he thought you were more beautiful in person. The surprise encounter at the movies had his heart skipping a beat. Standing in front of a collage containing various stages of your life made his heart flutter, feeling butterflies in his stomach. He really liked you and wished everything would go well with this marriage.

“She’s beautiful,” he replied with sparkling eyes.

You stood hidden away behind a wall, eavesdropping. To say you felt embarrassed was an understatement. You cringed on the inside every time someone walked into the house and stared at your pictures. You never liked the idea, but you didn’t have a say in it as it was your parents’ house after all.

To hear your future husband call you beautiful after seeing those photos had heat threatening to burn your cheeks and a warm feeling spread in your chest.

“Jaehyun, can I ask you something?” your mother asked.

“Of course.”

She swallowed before parting her lips. “You see, Y/N’s been trying to put off her marriage for a while and I’m not sure exactly how she’s treating you.”

He nodded, comprehending her words clearly. During the first date, he noticed your jitteriness and near lack of liveliness to continue the conversation as if you weren’t interested in him at all, and that hurt him. To see you interact with your friend in a brighter manner made him jealous. Jealous that you wouldn’t see him like the way you would with Taeyong. Though he understood that your relationship with him was new and he was willing to give you all the time you needed to become comfortable with him one day.

“While her father and I made her give you a chance, you’re not obligated to be forced into this marriage if you’re not happy. If you ever want to back out, I ask you to do it only because you’re feeling that way. Not because of Y/N. I really think you’re a perfect match for her and I’m sure it’ll take time before you can fully win her heart.”

You gulped upon hearing your mother say all that to Jaehyun. This meant that if Jaehyun didn’t like something about you, he could back out of the alliance. Your brain celebrated in near victory that it wasn’t going to be a fully forced marriage, as both the bride- and groom-to-be had your voices free, increasing the chances for either of you to call off the wedding.

“I understand. Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of Y/N,” Jaehyun assured.

You stepped out, walking up to where they both stood. He caught sight of you and sent you a charming smile, his dimples on full display.

You on the other hand grew curious of the bouquet in his grasp. He realized what you were staring at and grew flustered.

“Oh sorry!” He seemed like he was in a dilemma, whether to hand the bunch over to you or your mother, opting for the latter. “I-I brought these for your home,” he stuttered with the tips of his ears turning red.

Your mother giggled at his behaviour. “Oh thank you, Jaehyun. I thought you were giving those to Y/N. Seems like you got distracted by pictures of baby Y/N,” she teased.

Both yours and Jaehyun’s cheeks burned at your mother’s words.

After saying bye to your mother, Jaehyun beat you to opening the passenger door, holding it wide open for you to get in. You thanked him with a tight smile.

He had one hand on the steering wheel while the other fumbled around with the stereo, a song played softly in the background as he focused both on the road and on your tensed figure.

“I know this ramen place if you’re interested,” he spoke after some time.

You remembered mentioning to him in your small talk that you loved to eat ramen. Having him remembering the small detail made you feel a spark inside. “Ramen sounds great.” And what felt like the first time when being with Jaehyun, a small smile slowly spilled onto your face, not going unnoticed by the one beside you.

After two sets of bowls arrived at your table, your eyes drunk in the beautiful arrangement of the toppings on the noodles. You were about to pick up your chopsticks until Jaehyun stopped you. “Don’t touch yours just yet.”

You blinked at him confusedly yet stilled.

Grabbing his chopsticks in each hand, he worked with his bowl, mixing the pieces of vegetables and meats into the broth, folding the noodles on top. Once done, he laid down the chopsticks in its holder and switched his touched bowl with your untouched one.

You stared at your meal, surprised that such a simple action had your insides squealing with a fuzzy feeling. “Thank you,” you muttered, a bashful smile tugging at your lips.

He felt pleased with himself to make you feel that way and hoped he could continue doing so in the future. “No problem.”

Both of you dug into your noodles, slurped up the remaining broth once finished. You were glad that Jaehyun brought you for a casual lunch where you didn’t have to worry about manners and etiquettes as that sort of stuff did not go with ramen.

He later suggested a walk in the park in order to digest your full bellies. The weather was perfect, the sun blazing down onto your head and you were glad to have chosen a light-coloured outfit. Summer was nearing and soon enough, you were craving for a frozen dessert.

“Do you want something refreshing?” Jaehyun asked, almost like he read your thought.

“That sounds nice. Ice cream?” You pointed at the ice cream stall from afar.

He followed your finger and turned back to you, dimples reappearing. “Sure. Let’s go.”

Both your steps were synced, and he craved to hold your dangling hand. Craved to have his first ever physical touch with you. But he was worried if it was too soon and clenched his hands into fists to stop himself.

Approaching the stall, you read the long list of flavours, cheering internally when reading your favourites. “I’ll have a scoop of cherry and green tea each.”

Jaehyun turned to you with a look of mild surprise. “You like green tea?”

His face was unreadable so you couldn’t figure out whether he liked that or not. “Yeah, I love green tea. Why?”

He blinked before forming a blinding smile. “I love green tea too.”

After the ice cream date, Jaehyun drove you back home, parking his car in front of your house. He was surprised to see his parents’ vehicle in the driveway. “My parents are here.”

You nodded wordlessly. Your parents didn’t mention anything about a meet up between the two families. They only knew that you were going out with Jaehyun. “Let’s both go in.”

When you strolled into the living room with Jaehyun behind you, laughter was heard as the folks shared stories of you two.

“What’s going on?” you asked.

The eyes of a woman, who you assumed was Jaehyun’s mother, lightened up. “Oh Y/N! It’s so nice to finally meet you.” She pulled you into a crushing hug, which you tried to reciprocate with your locked arms.

“Same here,” you chuckled breathlessly.

She pulled back and beamed at you, eager to spill the breaking news. “We finalized your engagement date.”

All the colour had drained from your face and you took a quick side glance at your parents. They knew that you weren’t going to be happy with the news and had hidden it from you. “When?” you asked.

You were somewhat glad that the woman in front of you didn’t notice your fallen face. “In two weeks. And after that happens, we’ll decide on the marriage date.”

This was happening way too fast for your liking. Even though it was just an engagement, why were they so eager for it to happen quickly? “Isn’t two weeks a little too early? We’re still trying to get to know each other,” you reasoned.

Your future mother-in-law’s excitement didn’t falter the slightest bit. “Nonsense. I’ve heard that this is your third time seeing each other. And I’m sure that if you keep meeting up, you’ll have a better idea of each other by the time of the engagement. Plus, the date falls on my birthday and it would mean the world if my gift happened to be my son’s and future daughter-in-law’s engagement.”

You understood her feelings, and she was right. Two weeks should give you a better idea of Jaehyun, give you time to grow your feelings for him if you could. And it was only an engagement. A marriage in two weeks would have been more devastating.

You stared long at your father, silently pleading for him to still remember the condition set. Sensing that he knew what your eyes were trying to convey, he simply gave you a curt nod. Meanwhile, Jaehyun met your mother’s hopeful gaze, who offered him a tight smile, wishing that everything would go well between him and her daughter. You noticed your mother’s eyes being trained behind you and turned to the man. He observed the worried expression plastered on your face, his heart breaking a little at the thought of you not being excited for the marriage like the way he was.

- ❀ -

“Y/N! Please be our angel and help us out,” Taeyong pleaded over the phone.

“Of course I will. Why wouldn’t I?”

A moment of silence before he replied, “Because of what I’m about to suggest to you?”

After the phone call ended, you lied down on your bed, not believing your fate. Though it wasn’t actually all fate. This was Taeyong partly trying to play cupid.

Both Taeyong and Irene had to go out of town for the entire weekend, including their parents. But children were not allowed at the event, and their babysitter also happened to fall ill, leaving them with no other backup than have you look after the three children. You had never taken care of three children at once and he knew you were going to need a helping hand. And that was when Taeyong suggested that you babysat the three with Jaehyun.

Your fingers hovered over the screen before pressing on Jaehyun’s number. You had met up with him the past week, for casual hangouts and meals. Yet nothing much had happened in terms of you growing feelings for the said man. The engagement was exactly a week away, and you accepted your fate of having to wear a silver ring as you failed to find a flaw in him.

“Y/N?” Jaehyun sounded quite surprised that you called him for the very first time when it had always been him initiating it.

“Haha yes, it’s me.” You really wanted to hit yourself for still sounding awkward with him. “I actually called to ask you... like are you busy this weekend? I mean including overnight.”

“No, I’m not busy. What is it?”

“Are you okay to babysit kids with me?”

“Kids? Well yes, but whose kids are you talking about?” Jaehyun was ecstatic to spend the weekend with you, even if it meant having to look after some children. He was good with children and hoped he could get closer to you through this.

“They’re Taeyong’s kids. Remember Taeyong the one you met at the movies? Him and his wife are going to be away for the weekend, and he asked me to babysit them with you because there’s three of them. It’s for two days and we’ll have to stay at their house overnight. Is that okay?”

I am more than okay with the plan! Jaehyun thought. But to not scare you, he pushed down the excitement bubbling in his chest and calmly answered, “Yeah that’s fine. No worries.”

- ❀ -

Before you could even ring the bell, the door opened, revealing an overly joyful Taeyong. He threw himself on you, hugging you tightly and you laughed at him. He did the same to Jaehyun, flustering him greatly. “Thank you so much for coming, Jaehyun. Come in and leave your bags over here.”

Putting down your duffel bag to the side, you found Irene sitting on the couch with Aera in her baby walker. The baby squealed upon seeing you, bouncing on her tiny knees. “Hi Jaehyun. Thank you so much for helping out. I’m Irene.”

Jaehyun smiled at her. “Nice to meet you, Irene. And it’s no problem at all.” Taeyong led Jaehyun to the kitchen to explain the procedures that you had already memorized from the numerous times you had visited them.

“You two are literally our lifesavers,” Irene said to you.

You laughed. “It’s nothing. I’m sure it’s going to be fun with the kids.” And not as awkward with Jaehyun around, you thought.

She shook her head. “We’re leaving you two with a challenge, and Chunghee is going to be a real troublemaker for that.”

After an hour later, Taeyong and Irene finally left after placing a ton of kisses all over their youngest daughter. Aera was the only one awake at that time while the other two slept. Once you locked the door, you turned around to find Jaehyun introducing himself to the little one.

“Hi Aera, my name is Jaehyun, but you can call me Jae uncle. Let’s be friends, hmm?” Aera bounced on her knees again, beaming at him and did her signature baby laugh.

The adorable interaction between Jaehyun and the baby girl made your heart melt.

Shortly before a loud wail was heard down the far end of the hall.

“Oh that sounds like Jinae. I’ll go get her,” you said. Jaehyun gave you a nod complemented with a smile. Aera let out a high-pitched shriek to grab the uncle’s attention again.

On your way to Jinae, Chunghee sprinted past you into the living room, his doe eyes searching for his parents and instead was met with an unknown man sitting beside his sister.

“You must be Chunghee, right?” The little boy nodded with confusion written on his face. “I’m Jaehyun. Jae uncle you can call me.”

“Where’s mama and papa?”

“They already left. They’ll be back tomorrow.”

Chunghee hummed and walked over to the uncle, sitting beside his sister. “Are you auntie’s boyfwiend?” he asked.

The curiosity had pink paint over Jaehyun’s cheeks. He didn’t know what to call the relationship to a four-year-old. “Not boyfriend exactly but we’re getting married.”

Chunghee blankly stared at Jaehyun. “Do you like each other?”

Jaehyun’s breathing halted for a second. “Um, yeah but not really. I mean- I like her, but I don’t know what she feels.”

You walked back in the room, noticing a calm Chunghee trying to process something into his small developing brain, while Jaehyun sat with a faint blush covering his cheeks. Jinae had stopped crying as soon as her little eyes landed on you and fell back to sleep in your arms. You gently laid Jinae down on the couch and recalled the first mission that your friends gave you.

Have Jinae and Chunghee eat fruits.

Jinae was sleeping soundlessly so that meant Chunghee was going to be the first one to eat them, and that was the real mission.

“I’ll cut up some snacks,” you said.

Jaehyun got up to his feet. “I’ll cut them. You can relax with them.” He knew what snacks you were referring to, sending you a comforting smile before dashing off to the kitchen.

“Auntie?” Chunghee called out.

“Hm?”

“Do you like uncle?”

Flustered, you asked, “Why are you asking me that?”

“Uncle like you. But he not boyfwiend. And you gonna marry him.”

What?

Jaehyun liked you?

“Jaehyun uncle told you this?”

He nodded.

Jaehyun likes you, you thought repeatedly in your head.

But it didn’t mean anything when you didn’t feel the same way.

After a few minutes, the said man returned with a plate of fruit varieties chopped up into small pieces. “Okay Chunghee, eat up.” He placed the plate on the foam mat covering the floor, away from Aera in case her baby walker bulldozed over the snacks.

The little boy huffed and crossed his tiny arms. “No fruits!”

“It’s going to be difficult feeding him fruits. We’ll have to figure out a way to get him desperate to eat them,” you mentioned. You picked up this idea from a movie you watched a while back and the tactic worked on the child in the film.

Jaehyun nodded and in a gentle tone told Chunghee, “I’ll keep this out in case you change your mind and become hungry. Okay?”

“But you’re not going to get any other food until you eat these,” you added sternly, hoping the strictness in your voice would have Chunghee obey.

Chunghee’s scowl faltered, not believing your words. “You won’t do that,” he responded but there was a hint of shakiness in his words.

Jaehyun went with your flow. “We don’t want to but we’ll have to,” he ended the supposed scary words with a smile to not scare the little boy too much.

The rest of the day went on with Jinae getting along well with Jaehyun, Aera sleeping shortly, and Chunghee frowning. He was the only one remaining who hadn’t touched the fruits yet and you grew concerned. Dinnertime was fast approaching and if the boy didn’t get a proper meal, then he was going to throw a tantrum.

Jaehyun offered to cook for everyone and you were surprised that he took up the task solely. “Are you sure? I can help,” you offered.

He hesitated for a moment, thinking about something briefly before he raised his hand to cup your face delicately, smiling at you. “Don’t worry. I got this,” he breathed out quietly. He retracted his and made his way towards the kitchen. Little did both of you know the true effect that the small touch had on the other, both of your hearts beating erratically as Jaehyun hurriedly hid in the kitchen while you stood frozen in your spot.

Four bowls of food were set on the table. For you, Jaehyun, Jinae, and Aera (though baby safe).

“Woa!” Jinae exclaimed before digging into her food with her baby chopsticks. Jaehyun began feeding Aera spoonfuls in the form of an airplane swooshing in the air, making Aera squeal joyfully. You stifled back a laugh from how funny Jaehyun looked doing that.

Hearing a faint grumble beside you, you anxiously glanced at Chunghee. The plate consisting of his share of fruits was left abandoned in the living room. “Where’s my food?” he asked.

“You know the deal. First fruits, then food,” you answered.

Chunghee couldn’t believe his ears. His parents had always given up eventually, no matter how hard they tried to get him to eat the naturally sweet products. “I. Want. Food!” he screamed.

This caused Aera to start crying and Jinae to stop eating her food altogether. You gave Jinae a side hug, rubbing her arm and let out a deep sigh. “Chunghee, if you’re going to keep this up, go into the living room. Let your sisters eat. It’s not their fault that you don’t want to eat something that Jinae already had.”

Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes. “You’re so mean!” he yelled and ran into the said room.

Jaehyun wiped Aera’s tears away and picked her up to soothe her, calmly her down shortly. “We’ll have to think of something else,” he told you.

“I don’t understand why Chunghee has such a huge problem with fruits,” you spoke. “He became like this ever since Ten looked after him one time.”

Jaehyun took in what you said, his mind raking up on a solution. “I think I can figure this problem out. Can you feed Aera while I go see him?”

You nodded. “Of course.”

Jaehyun found the little boy whimpering quietly as he hugged his legs to his chest. Chunghee’s sad eyes made Jaehyun feel a twinge in his heart. If there was something else behind it like a fear, he would have opted for a better solution.

Jaehyun sat down beside him. “I’m sorry,” he spoke tenderly.

The boy stayed put and sniffed, letting tears slide down his reddened cheeks. Jaehyun wiped his tears away with his thumbs.

“What’s wrong, Chunghee? Why won’t you eat fruits?”

Chunghee was still upset with his auntie and uncle, and so he didn’t respond back.

“How can I help you if you don’t tell me? Did Ten uncle say something bad about it?”

Those words stirred something inside the boy and he let his guard down. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

Bullseye. Jaehyun felt like he was close to solving the problem. “What did he say?”

Chunghee finally looked at the uncle with glistening eyes and answered, “Fruits will grow in my stomach.”

Fruits...

What?

Bewildered Jaehyun tried to compose himself before confirming. “So you won’t eat fruits because you’re scared that fruits will grow in your stomach?”

A nod.

Jaehyun faced away from the naïve boy and a smile threatened to spill onto his face. He was amused by the boy’s innocent fear, but at the same time he wanted to meet this Ten guy and smack him for installing the fear into the poor child. He turned serious again and softly said, “Chunghee, don’t worry because that’s not true. If it was, wouldn’t everyone be scared to eat it? Auntie and I wouldn’t have eaten it earlier if that was true. You saw us eat it, right?”

A glimmer of hope sparkled in his doe eyes. “It’s not?”

He smiled. “It’s not.”

“But seeds...”

“Yes, there are fruit seeds that you shouldn’t eat. But if you accidentally eat those, then they’ll come out of you when you go for a potty,” Jaehyun said, ruffling the boy’s hair. A smile finally emerged onto the little boy’s face and they laughed. “So are you going to trust us and your parents now to eat fruits?”

Chunghee hopped off the couch and grabbed the abandoned plate, at last popping a piece of chopped strawberry into his mouth. “I will.”

You were shocked to say the least for the boy to have finished up all the remaining fruits and had his meal with his siblings. You gave Jaehyun a questioning look, to which he smiled and mouthed ‘later.’

After a bit of playing around to digest the meal, you tucked Jinae and Chunghee in bed and walked back into the living room and found Jaehyun carrying Aera in the baby carrier, soothing her to sleep. Aera’s bed was separate from her older siblings as she needed more attention from adults. Thus, her bed was in the same room as Taeyong’s and Irene’s.

You thought back to your day spent with Jaehyun and the kids, amazed by how great Jaehyun was with small children. From looking after Aera to playing with Jinae to making Chunghee eat fruits. He really was going to be a great father one day. But was he going to be the father of your children?

Cute babies. Taeyong’s words echoed in your head.

With Jaehyun’s looks, there was no doubt about that. But did you really care about that? No. All babies were adorable no matter what.

Uncle like you. Chunghee’s words rang in your head just then, and you didn’t realize you were staring at him until he stared back at you, shaking you out of your thoughts. Clearing your throat, you spoke up an issue. “So Taeyong and Irene only have one bed, same room as Aera’s so...” you trailed off, not sure how Jaehyun was going to take that in.

He nodded, not displaying any emotions. “I can sleep on the couch here. You can take the bed.”

Your eyes widened. “No! I didn’t mean- I mean... we should probably start becoming comfortable with each other, you know?”

His lips formed a small ‘oh.’ “Are you sure you’re okay with it?” He didn’t want you to force yourself and feel uneasy.

This was your future husband for goodness sake. You had to become comfortable with him at one point in your life. “Yeah, I feel like I can trust you, especially since Aera will be in the same room too. Haha.” There you went sounding awkward again.

Jaehyun bit back a smile and nodded. “As long as you’re okay with it.”

In the bedroom, Jaehyun carefully laid sleeping Aera in her bed while you settled yourself on one side of the bed, facing away from Jaehyun’s side. You were glad that your friends selected a king-sized bed, giving you ample of space to maintain a comfortable distance from him. Jaehyun got under the shared blanket and before he switched off the nightlamp, he softly called for you. “Y/N?”

“Hm?”

He silently drunk in the scene in his view. You next to him, a baby in her own bed, almost like a small family ready to doze off to dreamland. He wished this was what his future would look like, though only with you in it. “I really like you, Y/N,” he confessed and right away turned off the remaining light source, leaving your heart to hammer loudly in the dark.

- ❀ -

“Papa!” Chunghee ran into Taeyong’s open arms.

“My baby! Mwah,” Taeyong smooched the boy’s cheek with a wet kiss, making Chunghee shriek and run away.

Aera beamed in your arms upon seeing her mama’s face, making Irene take hold of the youngest and planted a haste kiss on her forehead.

Jinae waddled up to her papa, babbling for him to do the same with her as her super tiny arms rose up, asking to be picking up. Taeyong laughed and submitted, smooching a huge kiss onto her chubby cheek.

“How did it go? I hope the kids didn’t trouble you too much,” Irene said.

Jaehyun shook his head. “They didn’t trouble us. We managed to get Chunghee to eat fruits.”

Shock registered on Taeyong and Irene. “Did you just say Chunghee ate fruits?” Irene asked.

Chunghee beamed. “I did mama!”

Taeyong nodded his head slowly, letting the news settle in his brain. “Let me take you two out. As thanks for babysitting them and completing the mission.”

- ❀ -

Taeyong drove you and Jaehyun to his favourite coffee shop, the one you frequently visited with him that sold the most delectable pastries.

“I cannot believe I didn’t think about him having a fear, which makes sense because Ten also has a fear,” Taeyong said and took a bite of his strawberry Danish.

“Does Ten have the same fear?” Jaehyun asked.

You shook your head. “Nope. Apparently for Ten, it’s because fruits just look scary. I kind of find it funny that Ten thought of the whole seed thing and it grows in your stomach. It sounds so real and I’m sure a lot of people had that thought once in their life.”

Taeyong stopped chewing, a thought clicking to him. “You know Ten isn’t exactly wrong.”

Both you and Jaehyun stared at Taeyong, waiting for him to elaborate.

“How else do you make babies?”

“Lee Taeyong!” you yelled and slammed your hands on the table out of sheer embarrassment.

His laughter resonated in the café while Jaehyun’s cheeks burned red.

You grabbed Taeyong’s strawberry acai lemonade, taking huge sips of it as retribution. He whined and successfully retrieved it from you, shielding his body with it so that you wouldn’t steal it from him again.

You pouted. “Hey! I want some too!”

Taeyong took a quick glance at the silent one across from you, noting how Jaehyun’s eyes were masked with a hint of jealousy as he watched you be your playful self with your friend. Taeyong then met your eyes and nodded in Jaehyun’s direction. You frowned, not understanding what he was trying to hint at you. He casted his eyes on Jaehyun’s drink and later raised his own to take a sip. That was when it clicked you.

Your lips parted in surprise and turned to focus on the man across from you. His eyes were trained on swirling his drink with the straw. You cleared your throat, hoping you weren’t going to sound awkward. And of course, you failed. “Um, Jaehyun, can I um... try your drink?”

Jaehyun froze and lifted his gaze slowly. “Yeah of course,” he replied quietly and pushed his drink in your direction. You pressed your lips together on the straw, sipping the iced caramel macchiato. “Mmm,” you moaned. “This tastes better than Taeyong’s.”

“Hey! Don’t insult my drink!”

You laughed and stuck your tongue out at him while Jaehyun stared at you with a growing tender smile, super pleased that you liked his drink.

- ❀ -

[Two months later]

For the long weekend ahead of you, Taeyong and Irene planned a trip for you and Jaehyun to a rental vacation home. Now that you were engaged, Taeyong reasoned that a bachelor and bachelorette trip was a must. You were super grateful that your two friends also tagged along after dropping the kids off at Taeyong’s parents’ house.

It had been over a month ever since the engagement and even more hangouts, yet you still felt a little awkward with Jaehyun. After all, he was the man that you were eventually getting married to and you didn’t have any strong feelings of love for him.

Even if you did, you didn’t realize it.

Once arriving at the vacation home in the rental car, you were stunned by its exterior design. The neatly trimmed grass with small evergreen shrubs ran along the edges of the huge light up swimming pool, located off to the side from the entrance. The pool was surrounded by floor-to-ceiling rooms of the house, giving a few rooms a full view of the amenity. Even though you weren’t a fan of luxury, spending three days at that specific rental home sounded exciting.

The interior was just as jaw-dropping as the exterior and you spent the next few minutes walking around, familiarizing with the layout and where everything was located. Your friends and your fiancé were already sitting in the living room.

“This place is so cool!” you grinned.

“I’m glad you love it. Irene found this so it’s all thanks to her,” Taeyong said and pecked his wife on the cheek.

Irene squirmed. “Hey! Not in front of the kids!” she scolded her childlike husband.

You quirked an eyebrow up. “Excuse me? I am not a child.”

“You still are considered one until you’re married and have kids,” Taeyong stated.

You rolled your eyes at his words. He was right, and you felt like that with the way they treated you at times.

When the sun reached its peak midday, the four of you got into the vehicle and drove over to the closest supermarket with plans of stocking up on food and alcoholic drinks. You decided to split up into two groups, making Jaehyun hang around Taeyong while you walked with Irene.

Jaehyun pushed the cart into one of the aisles, containing a variety of pasta and sauces. “Can I make Italian for dinner tonight?” he asked.

Taeyong nodded. “Of course. Do you like Mexican? I can make that tomorrow.” Jaehyun nodded, giving him a weak smile. Taeyong noticed it and asked, “Is something wrong? It’s okay if you don’t like Mexican.”

Jaehyun stopped pushing the cart. “No, it’s not that. I...”

Taeyong waited patiently.

Jaehyun pressed his lips together before continuing. “I’ll tell you later.”

Meanwhile, you and Irene dumped whatever caught your sight into the cart.

“Y/N? Can I ask you something seriously?”

You let out a hum as a yes.

“How do you really feel about Jaehyun?”

You suddenly forgot how to read the labels on the shelves. Facing her, all that came out of your mouth was a ‘huh?’

Irene slowly repeated yourself, as if you had a hard time comprehending her words. “How do you feel with the engagement ring on your hand that Jaehyun put on? I’ve been seriously observing you the past months. Your actions, your words. Never do you talk about Jaehyun and you still act like you’re new with him.”

You blankly stared at the sparkling diamond ring resting on your third finger. Irene was right. You never talked about him, not giving him much of an interest. It was as if you had gotten used to having around him for the sake of your future being tied with his. “I don’t really know, Irene. I mean I do at times feel like I have a small crush on him. He is a good guy, but I don’t... I don’t know. Even though he already confessed to me that he likes me. Plus, he’s really calm...”

Irene was silent for a moment. “He is. But do you ever notice the way he’s like around you?”

You blinked confusedly. “What?”

“He’s always looking at you. I mean not in a creepy way. But he’s always smiling around you. Taeyong tells me how you don’t notice the little things with him and it sounds like Jaehyun gets jealous? Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves, expressing their love for their significant other. Jaehyun might not be obvious like Taeyong, but that doesn’t mean his love for you isn’t there.”

- ❀ -

Arriving back with the trunk full of groceries, it was finally time for Taeyong to have fun. Once all the groceries were put away in the kitchen, Taeyong sprinted out the glass doors, screaming high-pitched, and jumped into the swimming pool.

You laughed. “He really jumped in fully clothed.”

Irene sighed, walking over to him. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m a mother of four kids.” When Taeyong’s head popped up, she bent down close to the edge. “You should have at least changed into your swimming clothes,” she scolded.

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he caught Irene off guard by pulling her into the water. She yelped, losing balance due to his strength, and felt the cold water hit her skin. “Taeyong! Are you crazy?” she yelled.

He laughed, pulling her into his arms. “I’m crazy for you, baby,” and smooched a wet kiss on her cheek.

You and Jaehyun ended up watching their adorable interaction from the sidelines of the pool and just then, Irene’s words voiced in your head.

Jaehyun might not be obvious like Taeyong, but that doesn’t mean his love for you isn’t there.

“Jaehyun?”

He turned to you. “Yes?”

“Do you know how to swim?”

He nodded. “Yeah I do.”

You pursed your lips. “I’m sorry.”

“For wha-”

You pushed him into the pool with all your strength, clutching your stomach as you laughed hard after he resurfaced. He gave you an amused smile with his hands on his hips. He loved that you were happily laughing at him, loved seeing you finally become playful with him.

“You know Y/N, it’s not fair that you’re the only one outside the pool,” Jaehyun teased you.

You agreed and backed up a few steps before running and jumping into the water. When your head resurfaced, you began splashing water on Jaehyun, to which he let out a hearty laugh and copied your actions.

Taeyong and Irene looked between you two in shock and then at each other. The husband took this opportunity to plant another huge fat kiss on his wife’s cheek, making her yelp again.

When the sky turned a shade darker and the hot humid air shifted slightly chillier, the four of you headed back inside to dry up. Of course, you were bound to share the bedroom with your fiancé, thankful of having previous experience with that. Jaehyun kindly let you use the room first, giving you privacy while he lazed on the outdoor chair, letting the sunset dry him up as much as it could before taking the matter in his own hands.

You stepped out of the ensuite bathroom, the covers of the floor-to-ceiling windows completely raised up and you spotted Jaehyun immediately. Knocking on the window, you got his attention right away and cued him that it was his turn.

Just like Jaehyun gave you privacy, you did the same for him.

You settled for the living room, the biggest area in the house. Taeyong and Irene were nowhere in sight, leaving you to entertain yourself. When you dug your hands into your pockets, you realized that your phone was forgotten in the bedroom.

If it was Irene or Taeyong in the room, you would have walked right in. But you stood outside the closed door, shifting on your feet and debating heavily as to what your next action should be. Knocking would be appropriate but this was your fiancé for heaven’s sake. You shouldn’t be knocking on the door for permission when this sort of thing was going to become a regular thing in the future.

You grabbed the doorknob, turning it clockwise and pushed it opened slightly. Your head peeked in, searching for him. When you couldn’t, thinking that he was already in the bathroom, you walked in cautiously. Right before you passed the bathroom, the door opened and out walked Jaehyun. His jeans and hair were still damp from the event earlier.

But what had you two react the way you did after was for the fact that he held his damp shirt in his hand, leaving his abs on fully display.

The speed at which both his and your eyes enlarged and twirled away from one another would make anyone think that both of you were not in a relationship. Let along engaged.

“Sorry. I didn’t know you were here,” he said and quickly put on his shirt. “I put my shirt on. You can turn around now.”

You let out an inaudible breath and turned, slightly disappointed to not see his abs anymore. “I’m sorry. I should have knocked but I thought... um...” You lost your words when a smile tugged at the ends of his lips.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you were comfortable enough to do that.”

You weren’t aware that your fiancé was in charge of dinner that night and was surprised to learn how much of a great chef Jaehyun was, even better than Taeyong as shocking as it sounded. Yes, he did cook before when babysitting but that was children-friendly, unlike the elegant cuisine of your favourite Italian dish that you had eaten in your first ever date with him.

- ❀ -

The next morning, you woke up feeling the bed occupied behind you. You stretched your limbs and turned around, suddenly forgetting how to breath when your eyes landed on Jaehyun’s sleeping face, facing in your direction. You wanted to touch his milky face, confirm whether it really was as soft as it seemed. His bare lips slightly parted and you wished to feel them on you.

Jaehyun felt a gaze on him and slowly fluttered his eyelids up. The eye contact had you jolt up from surprise while he stayed rooted in his lying position.

“I- I’m gonna go get ready,” you stuttered and bolted for the bathroom, locking the door behind you, and placed a hand over your racing heart.

Jaehyun sat up on the bed and smiled over how adorable you were. “Cute,” he whispered.

After breakfast, Taeyong and Jaehyun decided to go hiking nearby while you and Irene laid down on the outdoor lounge chairs, sprawling under the morning light.

The hiking trail was not too long and both men had reached the top in no time. Emerging from the trees, they were blessed by the breathtaking view of the mountains with a river that separated the mountains from where they stood. The morning birds chirped nearby, and the light breeze carried the echoes to their ears.

“Wow,” Jaehyun whispered. He felt as if a blanket was draped over him. A beautiful blanket consisting of your warmth.

“Beautiful, right?”

He nodded. “I wish Y/N and Irene came with us.”

“Same. I try to get Irene to come with me whenever I’d go hiking. But she would rather rest at home. I don’t blame her. Taking care of three small children is a lot.” Taeyong looked at the Jaehyun. “I don’t know how I survived all the times I had to do it by myself and Y/N always cracks jokes about me suffering.”

Jaehyun glanced at him with a small smile before turning back to the view.

Though Taeyong’s gaze was still locked on him. “Jaehyun?”

He took a deep breath, willing himself to take the time and ask your friend something that had been on his mind since the beginning. “How is Y/N so comfortable with you? I wish she could be like that with me.” Jaehyun was glad that he was starting to see you become comfortable with him during the trip. Even though it made his heart super happy, he craved for more from you.

Taeyong’s eyebrows raised up when finally learning the issue. “Well, that’s something that will depend on time. And the person too. When she first met me, I was a hot chubby mess, always clumsy and super clingy to my friends. I was naughty too, playful and pulling pranks. That’s how Y/N’s always seen me as since elementary school.”

The speed at which Jaehyun whipped his head to the man beside him had Taeyong chuckling. “Elementary... that long?” That all made sense to him. Being friends with Taeyong that long would only make you feel so at ease around him. And with that fact, another wave of jealousy hit him. How could Jaehyun beat that time before the marriage? Jaehyun was nowhere near Taeyong’s personality and he envied that to a great extent. On top of that, he didn’t want you to feel forced to marry him when you weren’t sure about it yourself.

A hand patted lightly on Jaehyun’s head. “Aigoo, is Jaehyunie jealous?” Taeyong teased.

Heat rose up to his cheeks, bluntly denying him, resulting in a roar of laughter from the married one.

“Don’t worry, Jaehyun. You’re a really good guy and I really think Y/N will like you back one day.” Sure, Taeyong was your best friend, but even he couldn’t figure out where a girl’s heart truly lied unless he had a chat with you. Regardless though, he would try to push you closer to Jaehyun, hoping that you’d break your assumed thoughts and give your fiancé a chance. A strong intuitive feeling of his told him that you and Jaehyun were destined to be together.

- ❀ -

Never Have I Ever.

That was a game that Taeyong had prepared for this trip. He had searched up a bunch of questions and written them down on a list of paper in case someone had a hard time to come up with a statement. The original game that he had planned included alcoholic drinks, but Irene had changed it to holding a hand up.

“Why? I wanted to drink!” Taeyong whined while wiggling in his seat.

Irene tsked. “Not right now. We’ll drink after dinner.”

He pouted, eventually agreeing with her words. Even though he was in charge of dinner that night, he couldn’t stop the desperate feeling of having one drink beforehand. “Okay, let’s start.” Taeyong spun an empty water bottle on the dining table and the opening pointed at Irene.

“Wow.” She picked up the list and scanned through the questions, immediately catching sight of one. “Never have I ever thrown a drink at someone,” she said and gave her husband an unamused look.

Only Taeyong raised his arm, knowing exactly what she was thinking about. And to his defense, he responded, “Come on, baby. You saw that guy! He was being rude to his mother. How could I not do anything?”

“But you could have talked it out. You didn’t have to throw your drink at him. We nearly got kicked out of the restaurant before we could even get our meal.”

“I would have made dinner for us then!”

“That’s not the point!”

“Okay guys, don’t fight,” you talked over them and grabbed the list from Irene, rolling your eyes at one of the questions. “Never have I ever fought in public.” You knew right away who were going to put up their hands.

Taeyong and Irene.

Irene crossed her arms. “Taeyong can get so childish when it comes to stuffed animals and chocolates that I have to nag him.”

Taeyong pouted. “Hey! At least I’m setting a good role model that adults should be child at heart, baby.”

But what you didn’t expect was that Jaehyun raised his hand up as well. “Well I wouldn’t say public like that, but I would hold onto my stand at work, which would raise some disputes. I know when to give up, but I can’t let a project go down the wrong path for the sake of maintaining peace in the company.”

You nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly with that, and you liked that thing about Jaehyun.

Taeyong grabbed the list from you, going next. “Never have I ever went on a solo vacation.” Taeyong never went on one, and wished he never did. Where was the fun when you weren’t on an adventure with someone?

Jaehyun was the sole person to raise his arm and you were aware of what he was implying to. He had informed you that he would be gone for some business in Paris a few weeks back and asked if you wanted to join him. Jaehyun felt bad for leaving you, but you spending a whole week in Paris with only him made your stomach lurch. Whether in a good way or bad, you didn’t know, thus rejecting his offer. You weren’t ready for such a stage in the relationship despite being newly engaged back then.

Pushing his broken heart aside, he explored the city in his free time. But he couldn’t stop thinking about you throughout the whole trip, even during the conferences that he was there for. Trips were something he used to enjoy solely. But after meeting you, he would have liked them better if he was with you.

He pushed the feeling aside and merely answered, “I went to Paris, mainly for business though.” He then asked something interesting that caught his attention on Taeyong’s list. “Never have I ever broken someone’s bone.”

You turned to Taeyong, shooting him a ‘what the hell’ look. “What kind of question is that?” Breaking your own bone was understandable. But why on earth would someone break someone else’s bone?

As expected, no one else except for the man himself raised his arm and chuckled. “I tweaked the question up because I technically did.”

Irene sighed. “It wasn’t you. It was on accident and it wasn’t Chunghee’s fault either.”

He sighed feeling a bit dejected. “I know but I feel responsible for what happened to Ten. Like I should have taught Chunghee better. Anyway, let’s move on.”

It was Irene’s turn again, and this time she yelped at reading one of the questions near the bottom of the page. “Never have I ever went skinny-dipping. What the hell, Taeyong?”

No one had raised their hand, and you were thankful for it because you wouldn’t know what to do with that information if either your married friends or your fiancé had done it before.

Taeyong wiggled his eyebrows at his wife suggestively, making her smack him hard in the chest and causing a windshield wiping laughter from him. “I really think it should be on our bucket list, babe,” he said.

“TAEYONG!” she screamed.

He laughed at her while you retrieved the list. “Never have I ever lived alone.” You had always either lived with your parents or had roommates when away from home. Taeyong and Irene were high school sweethearts, and so their only home away from their parents were with each other.

Jaehyun raised his arm solely once again. “I actually live on my own right now. I have my own place,” he answered. He never suggested to bring you over to his place, assuming that you were still awkward with him. Therefore, he only ever took you to public places to prevent you from feeling uncomfortable.

A phone rang, making Irene pick up her phone. “Hey Yeri.” Yeri was a mutual friend of yours and Irene’s and based on the muffled sounds from the other end of the line, you assumed that she was crying. “Oh no, just hold on for a second.” Turning to you guys, she said, “I’ll go talk to her outside.”

“I’ll come,” you added. You didn’t know what the issue was, but two heads were better than one.

“Alright. And Taeyong, do not drink out of my sight. You hear me?” Irene pointed her index finger at him as she reprimanded him.

Taeyong sulked like a sad puppy upon hearing his wife’s words. Once the two of you were out of sight, a smirk formed on his face and he turned to Jaehyun, wiggling his eyebrows alluringly.

Jaehyun acted dumb, not wanting to get in trouble for encouraging Taeyong and avoided his eyes.

Taeyong nudged Jaehyun in the elbow, making the latter sigh in defeat. “This is about drinking, isn’t it?”

He nodded eagerly.

But Jaehyun shook his head. “No.”

Taeyong deflated. “Why?” he wailed.

“You’re going to get in trouble. Didn’t Irene just warn you?”

“I always get in trouble by her. It’s nothing new. I really wanna drink.”

Jaehyun was in a huge debate. Should he let Taeyong drink? Would you get mad at him for letting your friend drink?

“Come on, man. Please?” The puppy look was too irresistible for Jaehyun to stop him. One drink wouldn’t hurt Taeyong, would it?

“Okay, I guess a little won’t hurt you.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows raised in amusement. “You mean us. We’re both drinking.”

After comforting Yeri with her boyfriend issue, Irene decided to call her in-laws and check up on the kids while you headed back to search for the boys and see what they were up to.

Only to witness the scene in front of you absolutely shocking.

Both Taeyong and Jaehyun unquestionably wasted.

Numerous bottles were littered everywhere on the dining table where the four of you previously played a game. Knowing that Taeyong was a lightweight, the majority of the bottles had to belong to Jaehyun. Like a koala bear to a tree, Taeyong clung onto Jaehyun from behind, splattering kisses on your fiancé’s cheeks and nuzzling his nose into Jaehyun’s skin. From the looks of it, Jaehyun didn’t seem bothered at all by your friend with the dimples on his flushed cheeks.

But you were.

“Taeyong! Let him go! That’s my fiancé you’re kissing!” you yelled and strolled over to them. Trying to split up your drunk friend from your future husband was close to impossible. When Taeyong was drunk, his strength nearly doubled. The only other approach to get Taeyong off Jaehyun was for you to take a deep breath and release a bloodcurdling scream.

Startled, Taeyong let go of Jaehyun and stumbled over his steps, landing flat on his butt. The loss of human physical contact had Taeyong become a crying mess, but you didn’t pay any attention to his melodramatic tears. Because right after that moment, Jaehyun wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck. He took a deep breath of your scent and sighed in content. “Mmm, you smell nice Y/N.”

Your heart thrashed in your chest and all you could hear was your blood pumping loudly in your ears. All you could feel was the warmth of his arms around you with the tip of his soft nose pressed into your cheek.

When Irene reappeared and quickly sunk in the scene, she ran up to her husband. “Taeyong! Did I not warn you earlier?” she shouted. Taeyong was going to have a tough time from Irene when he sobered up.

Once Irene dragged her wasted husband to their bedroom, you were clueless of what to do with clingy Jaehyun and later chose to follow your friend’s idea. After much difficulty of attempting to pull him inside the bedroom, you dropped him on the bed.

Right before you left his side, you heard him faintly mumble the words, “I love you, Y/N,” before dozing off.

- ❀ -

“Y/N, Jaehyun, can you two go to the market and grab some food for the long drive home?” Taeyong asked.

The last morning of your time at the rental vacation home had arrived. Thanks to the drunken men from the day before, food stock had been used up considerably quick to battle their hangovers.

“Sure. Whenever you’re ready,” Jaehyun said to you.

You pursed your lips and nodded. Frankly speaking, you were beginning to feel uncomfortable with Jaehyun ever since you heard his confession. Even though it wasn’t the first time to hear him confess to you, ‘I love you’ was a lot more deeper than ‘I like you’ and you were more than glad that he had said it while he was drunk. If he was sober, you would have had no idea on how to respond back. It wasn’t necessarily his feelings that you were bothered by, but your own. You didn’t know where your heart was for him and that was what made you uncomfortable.

Taeyong tossed the car keys to Jaehyun while discreetly sending a wink in your direction. You rolled your eyes, aware that your friend was only trying to get you closer to Jaehyun.

The drive to the market was tortuously silent as you focused your gaze on the faraway mountains and grass fields.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Jaehyun began. “I didn’t know Taeyong’s light and when he’s drunk, it’s hard to refuse him.” Taeyong had forced bottle after bottle on the poor man, not stopping until Jaehyun was drunk like him.

You stifled back a small laugh. “It’s okay. I’ve seen it before. But do you remember what happened?”

He frowned and shook his head. “Did something embarrassing happen?”

“Well, I would say something entertaining happened. You and Taeyong were quite something.”

He paled, keeping his eyes glued to the road. “What did we do?”

You laughed. “I wished I recorded you two, but I guess I’ll forever cherish it in my memories.”

At the market, Jaehyun pushed the cart and your hand rested on the side of it. Halfway through, Jaehyun felt his phone vibrate. Seeing the caller’s name displayed, he sighed, slightly annoyed at the phone. “Sorry Y/N, I need to take this call.”

You were surprised that he was telling you, yet hummed in response.

He thanked you and answered the call, keeping his volume low. “Hello? Didn’t I tell you not to call me?” You weren’t trying to mind his conversation but sort of ended up eavesdropping. “Just talk to Jade for me, will you? Thanks.” He hung up the call, taking a deep breath before smiling at you and resumed the grocery shopping.

What was that about, you thought.

- ❀ -

“Oh my love! I’m so excited to finalize your marriage date,” your mother gushed. “The time has finally come!”

You stayed mute, letting your mother begin daydreaming of all the things that would happen at your wedding. Recalling the condition set in the beginning, your father asked if there was a valid reason to break it off. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to come up with a single reason for why you shouldn’t marry Jaehyun.

Why did he have to be so flawless, you thought.

When the doorbell rang, your mother gave you a gentle push, cuing you to open the door. With a huge deep breath in and out, you attempted to put on your best polite smile and swung the door open. “Good afternoon, please come in,” your tone laced with such fake enthusiasm that you had never displayed to your future in-laws.

Mrs. Jung walked in and pulled you into, once again, a crushing hug. “Oh it really is a good afternoon, Y/N. Let’s get your wedding talk going!” Once Jaehyun’s parents strolled to the direction of the living room, you shifted your gaze to the man himself, standing still on the porch.

“Um, you can come in too. Haha.” You weren’t ever going to stop feeling awkward with him, were you?

Though Jaehyun only held a neutral expression. No smile or sparkle in his eyes. And it made you worry if he was okay.

“Jaehyun?”

“Y/N?” he called softly.

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sucked in a breath and asked, “Can I hug you?”

You blinked again. Physical touches were going to be basic intimacy after marriage so he shouldn’t have to ask you for one. But then, nothing much had happened between you two in terms of it except for a few, and you thought he was only being a gentleman. He had only hugged you once and that was when he was drunk. “Yes, of course.”

He closed the distance between you two and wrapped his arms around your waist, flushing his warmth against yours. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he placed his chin on your shoulder, staying like that for what felt like a minute, just basking in your warmth before he pulled away. The slight smile he sent your way, not quite reaching his eyes, made your heart drop.

“Let’s go in,” he muttered and held your hand in his gently.

Your heart would have fluttered at the contact, but you didn’t like the feeling that began to settle in your stomach.

After you two walked in, Mrs. Jung began. “Now that everyone’s here, let’s think of-”

“Mom,” Jaehyun cut his mother off quietly but firmly enough to be heard, making her blink at him in surprise.

“What is it, son?” his father asked. Jaehyun was never the type to interrupt elders. But at that moment, he couldn’t let them begin planning, getting their hopes up when it wasn’t going to happen.

He let go of your hand and glanced at your mother. “I can’t do this.”

You were beyond confused with him. “Do what?”

He turned to you, his eyes holding sorrow. “This marriage.”

The eerie silence that followed was broken by your mother. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Y/N wanting to break it off, does it?”

You gaped at her. “This is my first time hearing about this. I didn’t know either.”

“There’s literally no reason why he would be calling it off,” she countered.

“Mrs. L/N, this doesn’t have anything to do with Y/N. It’s my decision. I’m just not ready. I’m sorry.” Jaehyun lowered his gaze to the floor while you incredulously looked at him.

Not ready? My foot! There was no way he wasn’t ready for this marriage. After the confessions, after all his smiles. He wouldn’t have continued taking interest in you if he was going to break it off.

“Jaehyun, this is unacceptable. You should have told us beforehand,” his mother scolded.

“And I’m sorry for that. I didn’t want anyone to know so that everyone knows this is my decision. I’m not being influenced by anyone for this.” He raised his eyes to meet your parents. “I apologize, once again, Mr. and Mrs. L/N.” Without giving you a glance, he turned on his heels and strode towards the entrance.

Your head was spinning, your heart aching for an unexplainable reason as you watched the man disappear out the front door. It happened. It finally happened. After all this time of you wanting the marriage to be called off.

But why weren’t you happy?

Jaehyun stepped out of your house, feeling slightly less suffocated and released the held back tears. He pulled out his phone, dialing a number and pressed it against his ear.

After the second ring, the call was answered. “Hey Jaehyun! What’s up?” Taeyong’s cheery greeting almost broke Jaehyun yet he willed himself to stay strong.

“Taeyong, can we meet tonight?”

- ❀ -

Jaehyun asked for Taeyong to pick him up. With the plan he had for that night, he wasn’t going to be in the right condition to drive. Taeyong had gotten the news from you prior to the meet that Jaehyun had called off the wedding. While Taeyong was childish at times, he knew when to act responsibly and had opted for cola when Jaehyun ordered spirits.

You didn’t take the news well either and Taeyong could tell instantly by your voice. He was going to talk to you later in person when Jaehyun had reached out to him first.

First come, first served.

Taeyong pressed his back to his chair and watched the man across down his shots. The food had been left abandoned as alcohol became a source of comfort for the broken hearted.

“I- I couldn’t do it to Y/N,” Jaehyun choked out. “I can’t let her marry me when she doesn’t love me. I can’t let her feel that she’s being forced to marry me when she doesn’t want to. Not once has she ever admitted her feelings to me. It’s like she’s only doing this for her parents.”

Taeyong sighed. “Jaehyun, I think you shou-” He bit back his words upon hearing a sob. The sobs had progressively increased, and tears flooded down Jaehyun’s reddened cheeks. Taeyong rushed to his side and guided Jaehyun’s head to his chest, hugging him as he soothingly patted his head.

The sobs had only lessened when Jaehyun choked out, “I love her too much, Taeyong. I just want her to be happy.”

- ❀ -

Your eyes fluttered open, the light breeze gently swaying the sheer white curtains that hung off the rods of your canopy bed. A soft breath left your parted lips and the aching hole in your heart continued to consume you. Your hand laid beside your head, the sparkling diamond ring still resting on your finger. While you didn’t know if your fiancé, ex fiancé, had taken the ring off, you didn’t have the courage to take off yours.

Irene answered the door and was astonished by your surprise visit. “Y/N, what a surprise. And you don’t look good...” she trailed off.

And you weren’t expecting otherwise when you felt like shit.

She ushered you in, and your eyes skimmed throughout the home, getting flashbacks to the times spent babysitting with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun.

You sniffed and tried to push your incoming tears back. “Is Tae...”

She shook her head. “He got an urgent call from work so he’s going to be there till late night. I heard about Jaehyun.”

You merely nodded, not sure what to say.

Irene placed a hand on your shoulder. “Do you want to talk?”

You chewed on your lips and shook your head. You had no idea what to say when you were confused by your feelings. At times like that, you’d go to Taeyong. He knew you more than your parents, more than anyone in the world, and would have a better idea of what you were feeling before you could realize it yourself. Until Taeyong arrived, you were going to quietly seek comfort from your friend and the little angels.

Chunghee came into sight and his eyes landed on you, running to you. Your typical reflex would have been a cheerful smile and have your arms open for him to run into. But you didn’t do that. The little boy’s steps slowed upon approaching you, noticing something was off when not met with the usual response. “What’s wong, auntie?”

A cry that you recognized belonging to Aera pierced through the rooms, making Irene leave the two of you alone.

Jinae had waddled into the living room, her eyes forming crescent moons, delighted to see you. She wobbled up to your legs and held onto your leg for support. You sat down on the floor and pulled her into your lap. You forced a smile at Chunghee. “Nothing. Auntie’s okay.”

Chunghee sat down beside you, looking around the room. “Where’s Jae uncle?”

Your heart stopped at the mention of his Jaehyun uncle. You were flattered that he liked him enough to ask about his whereabouts. “He... Jae uncle isn’t with me anymore.”

He stared at you. “Not together?” You shook your head. “Why?” he whined.

“What do you mean why?”

He pouted, and if it weren’t for the gaping hole in your heart, you would have laughed at how much he resembled Taeyong. “I like you and uncle together.”

“I guess we’re not meant to be together.”

With a scowl on his face, he yelled, “No! You two are!”

Jinae kept her tiny gaze on you and released a ‘humph,’ agreeing with her brother’s words.

- ❀ -

Taeyong had received a warning from Irene to not make noise when entering home at night. His gaze fell onto the figure sprawled on the couch, facing the backrest. On his tip toes, he quietly moved towards it and peeked over to see your face. You were fast asleep with signs of puffy eyes, hinting that you were crying recently.

“You’re such a fool,” he whispered and kissed your head.

The next morning, you woke up, being greeted with a cheery Taeyong who dragged you to the dining table for breakfast. Even though you weren’t in the mood to, he nagged you into going out for a walk with him so that you could digest your meal. It made you think back to Jaehyun when he suggested the same thing on your second official date. You were secretly thankful that Taeyong dragged you out the door as your limbs were aching for some movement after being cooped up indoors due to your gloomy mood.

Spotting an unoccupied bench, the two of you sat down for a short break. “The weather is beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, staring up at the fluffy clouds in the bright blue sky.

You puffed out as your gaze was fixed on the pebbles along the path. “I don’t know what to do. Why am I feeling like this?”

He snickered. “If I was in Jaehyun’s spot, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself if I loved you.”

“Hey! Is that an insult?”

Taeyong rolled his eyes. “Seriously, only Jaehyun is supposed to be hurting right now. Why are you getting affected? Wasn’t this what you wanted all this time?”

It was.

But...

“Yeah... but I don’t know. I’m so confused. Jaehyun really is a good guy. But I- I don’t know.”

Taeyong watched you softly. “You know what the problem is?”

You scowled. “If I knew the problem, I wouldn’t be here with you and stressed out.”

He smiled warmly. “Your problem is that you’re holding onto your biased thoughts. The type of guys your parents had set you up with previously have been ones you didn’t like. So now that there’s a guy who is perfect for you, you can’t see that. Plus, all your life you wanted a love marriage. The second your parents interfered and tried to set you up for an arranged one, you thought love would never happen.”

You let his words sink in and felt a piercing stab in your heart after hearing his words. You wanted to fall in love the way you thought you would back when you were a teenage girl. You wanted to fall in love with the one you were destined to be with like the way it would occur in movies. Not through having blind dates with prospective partners.

“Y/N, let me ask you something and I want you to forget that you had ever met Jaehyun the way you did.”

That felt like another stab in your heart, even if hypothetical.

“If you never met Jaehyun through a blind date, but instead met him in another way, would your feelings change for him?”

If you met Jaehyun as a classmate, or as a mutual friend, or colleague, or even as someone you bumped into randomly on the streets, would your feelings change? “My head hurts,” you complained and slouched against the bench.

He tutted. “This isn’t something to use your brain for. What do you feel in your heart, Y/N? Would your feelings change? Would you then accept your love for Jaehyun?”

Love...

For Jaehyun.

You stood up from the bench, suddenly feeling a rush of emotions surging inside you. You began trembling, becoming hyper aware of what you had been doing all this time. You had been pushing away your feelings for him. Unknowingly had been denying your love for him. “Oh my God...” you breathed out. “Why am I so dumb?”

If you had met Jaehyun in any other way, then you would have realized your feelings way earlier.

Taeyong placed his hands on your shoulder, gently turning you around to face him. “You realize it now,” he chuckled.

You couldn’t see his face as your sight became blurry from the tears welled up in your eyes. “Why am I so stupid?” you cried, and Taeyong pulled you into his embrace, stroking your hair. Wet patches formed on his shirt as you sobbed in his chest.

Your friend kissed the top of your head. “After all this time of you wanting a love marriage, you didn’t even realize that the love of your life had been in front of you all along.”

“He’s never gonna forgive me,” you choked out.

Pulling away from you, he wiped your fresh tears off with his fingers. “He will. He loves you too much to hate you. Also,” he grabbed his phone from his pocket and did some tapping. Your phone chimed, displaying an address under your unread message. “That’s his address, the one where he lives on his own. Go to him, Y/N. Tell him your true feelings.”

- ❀ -

Jaehyun doesn’t hate you. He loves you.

With that thought, you quit being hesitant and rang the doorbell. Your foot tapped impatiently as you waited for a short time. When the door opened, you were met with a shocked Jaehyun. “Y/N?” Your name fell from his lips in disbelief, as if to see you again, let alone at his place, would be a dream.

A nod. “Yup. It’s me. Haha,” you chuckled nervously. “Taeyong gave me your address.”

He hit himself mentally for keeping you standing. “Come in.”

You walked in and weren’t surprised for the vibe his place radiated. After all the money spent on your dates, and being your parents’ selection, you expected he’d own a deluxe home, his being a modern bachelor pad. You couldn’t help but think back to a particular set of words when you second met him at the theater.

“Would you like anything? Coffee or tea?” he asked.

You shook your head. “No. I’m fine. Well... actually water.”

He nodded. “Of course. Please sit.” He shuffled his way to where you assumed was the kitchen. Out of sight, you cautiously sat down on the couch, scanning your eyes around.

Jaehyun came back with a tall glass of water, handing it to you. You thanked him and took a few sips before resting it on the coffee table. Your eyes landed on his ring finger, stunned to see the engagement ring still there. “You’re still wearing it,” you muttered.

He followed your line of sight and caught on to what you were referring to. Quickly, he placed his other hand on top to hide the ring from your sight. “Oh, um...” He glanced at your own hand and noticed it there as well. “Oh, you too?”

Nodding, you said, “Yeah, I...”

He kept his eyes trained on you, waiting for you to continue and explain for the sudden visit.

“I’m such an idiot,” you muttered under your breath.

He raised his eyebrows, hearing you clearly. “Why?”

“Because I didn’t realize that I loved you all this time.”

He froze upon hearing your confession for the first time, and his heart began beating faster. “You love me?” he asked, needing to make sure he wasn’t hearing things.

You nodded and laughed quietly. “If it weren’t for Taeyong to make me realize it, then I wouldn’t be sitting here with you. And I’m sorry that I’m late. I’ve been blind all this time because we were arranged, you know? I thought love wasn’t going to happen. But I’m so dumb to not realize it despite all the times you’ve made my heart flutter.”

A blinding smile took over his face and you were relieved to see it again. “I made your heart flutter?” Jaehyun’s heart was far from okay with your confession. There were rare times where he could figure out if he moved your heart, but you masked your emotions most of the time.

“You sure did. I’m seriously such a fool to not have- argh!” you groaned, frustrated with yourself.

He laughed happily, pleased with the effect he had on you. “Better now than never. So you love me? Like you don’t have any problem with me?”

Which reminded you... “Well, there is one thing.”

His smile faltered, anxious for what you had to state. “Yeah?”

You pressed your lips together. “What was your friend’s name? Johnny was it? At the movies. he mentioned something that you were devoted to your work, and I can tell you’re someone of higher position. Will that mean I might not be able to see you at times because you’ll be busy?”

His lips formed an ‘oh’ and his smile returned. “You’re right. I do work at a managerial position, so it is possible for me to be away. But did you ever feel that whenever I was with you? That I chose work over you?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t.”

“Good.”

“Huh?”

He grinned. “Remember our trip at that supermarket and I got a call? It was from work. Actually, that weekend our team had an urgent project to work on, but I was able to get someone reliable to cover for me so that I could spend time with you.”

Oh my God...

“Work is inevitable and rare cases I’ll have to be away from you. But I will do anything and everything I can to put you first.” His smile dropped quickly when noticing your tears. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?”

You sniffed back the wave about to hit you. “You’re too perfect. I don’t deserve you.”

The dimples that you loved so much reappeared, and he wiped your tears away. “Nonsense. More like I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that,” you pouted, frowning.

He laughed and patted your head. “You’re so cute.”

Your cheeks burned with adoration for him, and you caught him off guard when you hastily leaned forward and pecked him on his lips. You pulled back and found him blushing.

Out of embarrassment, you diverted your gaze, looking at anything but his eyes. Jaehyun gently held your face in his hands and turned you to meet his twinkling eyes. “I love it when you surprise me, Y/N.”

You grinned and pecked his lips for the second time, wanting to feel his soft velvety lips again.

Surprised, he let out a hearty laugh. “Someone’s desperate for my lips.”

“After all this time, I can’t believe I didn’t kiss you once. Maybe that would have changed my mind and accepted you faster,” you joked.

He shook his head, smiling in amusement, and was startled when you threw yourself on him, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissed him hungrily. Jaehyun responded back, pulling you into his tight embrace and kissed back in a feverish manner. You moaned and combed your hand through his hair, earning a deep growl from him. You pulled back after what felt like a minute, both of you panting heavily. He stared into your eyes, and as a confirmation whispered, “You’ll be my wife.”

You chuckled breathlessly. “I’ll be your Mrs. Jung.”

He crashed his lips onto yours, moving more roughly. He left your lips and trailed down below your jawline, leaving a wet trail on your neck. Your moans increased in volume and he was pleased by how sensitive you were just from his lips on your skin. He pulled back and watched your reaction.

You whined at the loss of contact. “Stop teasing me.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “You want more?”

You definitely did. “Please?” You batted your eyelashes.

A smirk grew on his face. “Of course.” He placed his hands behind your back and knees, lifting you up into his arms bridal style. On the way to his bedroom, the two of you didn’t stop the kisses. He put you down gently on the bed and crawled over you, closing the distance between you two as he gave all of his love to you.

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princessofprocrastination · 3 years

Text

Not The Same (GeorgeNotFound)

summary : you put out a song, but it attracted the wrong type of crowd and caused too many misunderstandings.

trigger warnings : threats (including death and doxing), panic attacks, taking of meds.

"you're THOSE type of fans, huh?" you read the comments on your newest song release.

and that was the start of your downfall.

you and your dad really enjoyed singing. at any opportunity you two got, you would be doing a duet.

whether that would be at at a close relative's wedding or your at home karaoke set up, you two knew how to entertain people.

though singing was your passion, you ended up being too busy with school and trying to graduate with a diploma to even think about singing again.

but you swore to make a career of your singing after high school. you just loved it too much.

but then, you didn't go to college for music, which pretty much shocked your parents and your friends since they knew your only passion in life was singing.

but you took a different direction. you still wanted to sing and you were trying your hardest to find a way to make that your career.

someday, anyway. but you needed to have a plan to fall back into in case anything goes wrong.

you were a realist, after all.

so off to college you went.

you spent long hours studying for tests after tests, sat through hours of lectures, did endless amounts of projects.

in the end, it was all worth the wait and fatigue. you graduated top of your class.

you went off to be an intern, clocked in more hours before you could fully go into the next phase of your life.

and after those long hours, you finally made the decision (with the support of your parents) to take a gap year.

but before anyone panics. your gap year was not all fun in games where you took to rest and lay in bed all day.

you took the gap year to see if the music industry fits you. to see if you even had the chance to succeed.

and if it did, you could finally have your dream job. but even if it didn't you were not going to be upset if you needed to fall back onto your backup plan.

in the duration of the gap year, you took voice lessons, and poetry classes for song writing.

and with whatever you have learnt, you took that into writing songs that you felt really relate to your life experiences.

so you spend at least a couple months writing multiple songs.

after almost 2 years, you finally came out with your first song. and it definitely got recognition. more than you thought you'd get, if you were being completely honest.

and that was what pushed you to sit your ass back on your desk to write more, and go into your makeshift studio and make the words into songs.

your parents were ecstatic to hear that you were finally doing the things you loved. and you knew you'd never get this far if it weren't for your family's support.

and so your music journey began.

it was going well for years. you were finally happy doing the one thing you enjoyed doing.

and you definitely think you were good at it. seeing and hearing the positive feedbacks from your family, friends and listeners.

you felt good.

but you lost that feeling when you came out with a new single, called ‘fan of you’.

you spent a while working hard on that song and you felt relieved when it was finally released. it was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.

and you weren’t sure how one thing led to another, if you were being honest. at first, you received good feedback for your new songs. you even gained new listeners and your spotify rank rised.

but then it didn’t anymore.

your twitter flooded with mentions and your instagram full of tagged pictures and dms by accounts you’ve never heard of.

but you noticed a similarity with all of the spam. a guy name george. georgenotfound for short.

you being you, you looked into it. and that was when all of the information hit you. and all you had to look up was your name on twitter, and there it was, the longest thread of tweets you have ever seen in your life.

you took time to read it all, trying to make sure you didn’t miss anything crucial.

there must be an understanding. you didn’t know this guy name george. you’ve seen his face on pinterest once a while when you scrolled, yes. but you never looked into him.

this amazing person took their time to gather every bit of information there was about the scandal, which you were grateful for, or else you’d be scouring the internet for hours.

to summarise what you read, there was this artist by the name of tia jade who came out with a song a few months prior to yours called ‘just a fan.’

it was a good song, some say, and you could agree. it was professionally written and produced. but many fans of george found out that the song was about him.

not just about him, but about her falling in love with him, when she has never met him. and when his fans started to really listen and analyse the song, it got creepier.

basically, the song was about a fan falling in love with a celebrity/content creator and that they want to know them beyond their persona online.

but tia had apologised a little after the song came out, saying that she made that song based on a fan liking a content creator, and not about her falling for george.

but when you read enough of the issue, it definitely did seem like she was making that song to tell her story about falling for george. but she obviously needed an excuse to cover it up.

hence the apology.

and then you read about how they analysed your song, too.

they compared your song to tia’s and found it to have similar stories. stories about how a normal girl is falling in love with the man by the name of george, who had millions of followers on all social medias.

and if you admitted it to yourself, your song did seem to come out that way. especially if your mentality had been there. clearly your song could have been interpreted in many different ways.

you scrolled to the very bottom of the thread where there was a video of the man himself, george. he was addressing the issue.

“i don’t know how this happened twice. i thought once was weird enough, but.” he paused, focusing on building something on his screen.

“having heard of a song being about me again now makes my skin crawl.” he finished. it was short but enough to make his fans understand where he was coming from.

you scrolled further to see the replies of the thread. you wanted to know what were people saying about it.

and you definitely regretted your decision to do that.

threats everywhere. death threats, threats of beating you up, threats of doxing you. god the negative comments were drowned by the one’s that genuinely thought nothing wrong of your song.

you called you mom. this was the time you needed her advice. you needed to be told what to do. you didn’t want to accidentally trigger people.

you and her were on the phone for hours. she listened to you cried to her. she heard the painful sobs that came out of your mouth whenever you reminded yourself of what people were calling you on the internet.

she heard you cry silently on call when you saw your address and phone number being leaked on twitter.

but even through all of that, you joked around with your mom. “well, this was a hell of a way to be trending.”

you did what she told you to do. get a new phone number, stay in a hotel for a couple days while you try to settle the raging crowd of georgenotfound fans down.

in the span of a couple weeks, you got yourself a new number, a new house and a new car. you weren’t taking any chances.

you told no one besides your mom of the new changes, just to be safe.

and no, the threats did not cease. at all. these people did not have a life, constantly up in your dms, telling you to jump off a cliff or them hoping that a robber stabs you and leaves you dying.

you took your time trying to figure out a way to talk to george. or a way to speak out about this.

you didn’t want to write a half-assed notes app paragraph apologising when- first of all, you had nothing to apologise for and second, you had too much to say to fit it all in a notes app.

lucky for you, you didn’t need to start your own channel or make a sit down video on your own.

your recording label had brought up the idea of a documented series about you and how you became a singer about a year ago, and only started filming and posting the episodes a couple months prior on youtube.

so you took the series to your advantage. you pitched in the idea to your manager, to which she agreed to immediately, knowing that it was best you talked about it now.

this was how it played out on the perspective of viewers who watched that episode.

“bless you.” your producer says after you paused your singing in the mic as you stopped to sneeze.

you gave him a smile and a thumbs up from inside the booth.

the camera cuts to another clip.

the cameraman pans as they captured movers coming in and out of your old house, picking up your heavy furniture and boxes into large trucks to move into the new place.

it cuts again. this time it shows you scrolling on your phone with a focused face while your manager types something vigorously on her computer.

the camera tries to focus on your phone, and sees that you were on twitter, reading a lot of tweets under your name.

you exited the app and slide it away, going into youtube next, reading the comments on your song ‘fan of you’.

you scrolled far, clicking on some of the comments, trying to read the replies to certain comments you saw.

the camera cuts into a black screen. which then cuts again into a new scene, where you sat on your new kitchen counter talking to your mother, who sat on the chair in front of you.

your hair was up in a ponytail. a messy one. you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie that seemed far too big on you, and your feet covered with fluffy socks.

you were nodding to whatever she was saying to you. it was clear your mind was elsewhere as your eyes were unfocused.

the scene cuts again.

you were seen on the couch, your legs were tucked into your arms and your head down, body shaking. it was obvious you were crying.

you were alone, your mother no where to be seen.

that was the first time the camera caught you crying.

the scene cuts as you were going to get up from the couch.

now, you were in the kitchen again, opening the refrigerator to take a water bottle, then walking to your room upstairs.

the camera follows behind you slowly into your room.

it hadn’t been the cleanest. there were a couple shirts on the floor, your bed undone, cups on your side table, your laptop open on your desk.

you were seen opening a drawer, taking out a small white bottle. you unscrewed the bottle and took out 2 pills, popping them in your mouth, drinking water straight away after that to swallow.

the scene cuts again.

this time, you were seated on the couch in the studio, the atmosphere dark and quiet.

your hair was more kept this time, being help up in a clip.

you were wearing straight jeans and a slightly oversized sweatshirt. you looked more refreshed this time. but it was obvious you hadn’t slept in a while because of your eyes.

your eyes that usually held a lot of happiness and joy turned dull.

“it’s been a while since i’ve spoken to a camera.” you offered a small smile. your song ‘just a fan’ was playing in the background of the clip.

the scene cuts again.

“when i released that song, i was genuinely proud of the work i had done.” you paused for a while. besides the song playing in the background, it was silent.

“but i guess the joy didn’t last very long.” the scene cuts there.

it transitioned to a collage of what people were saying about you. it showed clips of people talking about it on youtube. they even showed george talking about it.

and it cuts again.

it showed a different clip this time. a clip of your ex boyfriend and you at the beach on a picnic, that was taken by a close friend of yours.

this was when you were still in college.

it showed all the fun memories you two made while you were still together.

it showed a video of him studying in the library, flipping through his papers and scrolling through his laptop. it was clear he was hard at work, not noticing you filming him.

but then the scene cuts again. and the music turned somber.

your ex boyfriend’s grave.

it was the day you were visiting him. you sat down next to his stone, a blanket under you.

you were just staring at his stone, not moving.

and it cuts again.

“he was one of the most driven person i have ever met.” you told the camera.

“he knew when to be serious and when to have fun.” you looked down in your hands and played with your rings.

“all he ever talked about was becoming a surgeon. he worked hard in his intern years and continued being passionate through his residency.” you spoke up.

“people had only nice things to say about him. the only bad thing they would say about him is that he can be pretty uptight sometimes, especially when he was stressed about something.” you laughed a little.

“i was a huge fan of him, even when we just saw each other in the hallways. he’s just amazing. i’ve always wanted to be just like him.”

“i wanted to write a song about him but i didn’t the song to be sad.” you said.

“and that was when the song ‘fan of you’ was created.

the scene cuts there and goes into another.

you were in the recording booth again, this time, you were singing into the mic.

the camera pans to your producer and manager dancing and bobbing their heads to the beat.

the scene cuts, officially ending it with a black screen with ‘the end’ in a fancy white font.

you busied yourself with writing new songs as your name got trended again on twitter.

and george has never felt worse about himself ever in his entire life.

he watched the episode as soon as dream sent it to him.

“you’re an asshole, george.” dream sends to him, along with the link of the video on youtube.

as the video ends, he decides to read the comments, wondering what it was like down there.

it was the worse mistake he had ever made in a while.

but he knew he deserved it. he did assumed it was about him, just like the last song made with a drawing of his glasses as their cover photo on spotify.

this time, there was genuinely no reason to think that this song was about him, or anyone with a following whatsoever. he just believed what his chat told him.

sure, there were some familiarity of the character in your song and him, but the world did have 7.6 billion people living on it.

“so, here i am apologising.” george says to his camera, live. his tone was very sincere and apologetic.

“this shouldn’t have gotten this far. they shouldn’t have gotten threats at all, let alone death threats. they shouldn’t have woken up to the world knowing where they live and what their phone number is.”

“and if you’re watching. i sincerely apologise. i clearly was full of myself.” george finishes. ending the live with a small wave.

and were you watching? hell yes.

and that was the day the two of you followed each other on instagram.

he used your songs as his intros of his live, (with your permission, of course.) you showed in your documentary that you were watching whenever he was live or watching his youtube videos.

and that was the start to a beautiful relationship.

you sat on the chair, going live. you waved as people started joining. it went from hundreds, to thousands in seconds.

as you were talking and clicking on your keyboard and mouse, playing a game, you felt arms around your shoulders.

you smiled, yet continued playing.

“why are you live on my account?” he laughs.

you disconnected the headphones so that he could hear what you were hearing.

“george, you’re being replaced.” dream said on discord.

george smiles, giving you a kiss on the top of your head. “that was well deserved.”

#georgenotfound imagines #georgenotfound imagine #georgenotfound fanfic #georgenotfound x reader #georgenotfound

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ghostietea · 3 years

Text

Furuba autistic headcanons

With it being April, or autism acceptance month, I wanted to finally drop my list of characters from Fruits Basket that I read as autistic! This is based a lot on my own experience, as well as that of other autistics I know or have seen talk online. I hope some people can get something out of it, feel free to tell me what you think 😊, though please refrain from getting upset that I would dare suggest your fave is autistic.

Hanajima

Before becoming able to better control her powers, she would be constantly overwhelmed by the things she heard to the point that she couldn't even really go out in public. This reads a lot like sensory overload.

Constantly picked on in school because other kids thought she was weird. Eventually reclaimed this weirdness and turned it into a whole persona.

Seems to talk usually in a relatively flat tone.

Had trouble socializing with no friends outside her family until middleschool.

Has a very funny, dry sense of humor that I find very similar to a bunch of autistics I know, including myself.

Hatsuharu

Listen. You have seen the funky little man, you have seen the way he talks, the way he acts around others. He is, and I mean this in the best way, a weirdo. I do not know how you could look at him and see a neurotypical.

Once again, like Hana, Haru is funny in a way that feels very autistic.

Very flat, dry, tone delivery. Sometimes just Says Things that make everyone else go huh??? Suuuuper blunt. Doesn't emote facially a lot of the time.

When this man sees a social norm he doesn't get he WILL NOT follow it. Pierces his ears just because his hair got flak, defends Momiji wearing whatever he wants because sometimes y'know the social rules are just dumb and don't make sense. Especially dress codes.

Sometimes says things not befitting the current tone of the situation.

Represses (masks) a lot of his emotions, leading to outbursts that seem uncharacteristic.

His main childhood trauma revolves around adults branding him as "dumb" and ridiculing him. Haru, however, is super smart and wise!! Just in an offbeat way that not everyone may get.

Machi

Reads as very "flat" emotionally to the point that others would call her boring. Also has a flat vocal delivery.

Relies on specific habits or ways of doing things or else she gets super upset (her hatred of imperfection.

Has trauma surrounding adults completely misconstruing her intentions and thinking she's doing something malicious when she's not.

Generally behaves in a way that's hard for others to understand, one of her formative moments with Yuki was him saying he wanted to "see how the world looks" through her eyes.

Once again, trouble socializing.

Tries super hard to please her parents but in the end they still see her as somehow inherently "defective."

Listen. A lot of this one and the last two are mostly vibes, hard to verbally define. You just have to look at them and trust me.

Tohru

Displays behavior very reminiscent of masking throughout the story, a huge part of her arc is about how she hides a lot of herself and has a very controlled persona. I think it would fit very well if she had other autistic behaviors that she suppresed also it helps explain why she is relatively socially adept, it's learned behavior to make people like her more.

Yes she is very good at saying what others need to hear, but especially early on she is pretty blatantly imitating her mother's words. She only gets better at getting through on a more personal level later on (see her with Rin and Akito v. early series Tohru). She does this by relating her own experiences, a very autistic way of showing empathy that often gets us written off as self centered. The way she relays things her mom said could also be seen as this, and she even worries at a few points that she's being insensitive for going on about things like that.

While emotionally repressed she is hyper empathetic and feels other's emotions so strongly she cries.

Her speech patterns are all imitated from her father and she often copies verbal things from others (see Ritchan-san). Noted in canon that people think her way of speaking is slightly off/not befitting of someone her age. Additionally, her father was polite more sarcastically, while she plays it straight and sometimes takes things very literally or fails to get the message, indicating trouble with reading tone. Has numerous strange verbal tics, including saying parts of her internal monologue out loud without context.

Very expressive with her hands including waving them around and flapping them up and down.

Does have a bit of trouble with accidental insensitivity in social interactions, like how she constantly fixates on her mom and realizes that might bug the Sohma.

Has trouble paying attention in school since it doesn't have much to do with her interests

Her only friend until she was a middle schooler was her mom

Has a pretty unique outlook on things compared to others, people seem to think she's pretty eccentric. There's always a "this girl is nice but in an odd way, she's our weirdo and we love her" vibe.

Sometimes has an "inappropriate" emotional response to situations

Has a lot of trouble with change, similar to Akito. Which oh, look at the time, next hc coming up.

But first, a disclaimer. It is cathartic for me to read Akito this way, but with that reading comes the baggage that she would, mayhaps, be showing a more negative side of things... It doesn't bother me since it's a joint hc with other characters and she does develop at the end but yeah, general villain hc baggage. This is in no way me trying to excuse her being The Worst being autistic doesn't absolve you of being able to do wrong . Also, a lot of these points can and do have other explanations related to her upbringing, but things can be for more than 1 reason. With that said, she really strongly comes off as autistic to me, in a way that's sorta hard to explain. I wrote a lot more for her than the other, both because I felt I needed more to convince people and that this headcanon was more sensitive and I needed to be careful in my explanation. Also hey! She's my special interest within a special interest.

Akito

Shown to have a dislike of summer weather due to heat and brightness, could be due to sensory issues in tandem with sickness things. Also covers her ears when people raise their voice sometimes which is partially her trying to shut down opposition but also 🤔 can read a different way. She'd also avoids louder Juuni like Ritsu and Ayame because she can't handle them.

Wears pretty much the same outfit every single day. Said outfit is also pretty loose fitting.

Always seen sitting in a pretty unconventional way. Evidence:

Of course this is also the isolated in a cult thing and there is a level of her purposefully doing things to intimidate but: doesn't follow a lot of social rules (overly touchy with strangers, legit doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong, ect.). Repeatedly confused when people indicate she should act otherwise without explanation. Has a breakdown when this comes to a head and approximately says that "they" shouldn't expect her to know "common sense" if "they" never explained it to her, that the way that she was was her "common sense."

Often talks in a way uncharacteristic of her age when shown as a child in a more faux mature/pretentious way. Might just be the translation and idk how to explain it but her speech as an adult also seems off from what one would normally use in conversation. Additionally, when she tries to fake being friendly in her intro chapter, it comes of as extremely stiff and unconvincing.

Generally displays behavior that could be thought of as childish as an adult, but a lot of this behavior could also read as autistic (covering ears, emotional deregulation and meltdowns, ignorance of basic social norms, ect.). It's also important to note that she knows that this behavior makes her seem younger and more helpless to the older zodiac and uses it as a manipulation tactic. Has issues regarding people treating her like a child or only hanging out with her because of pity. While she does weaponize it, we can tell that this grates on her, as seen with her finally blowing up on Kureno, which is partially triggered by the maids saying some sorta infantalizing stuff about her. Irl, a lot of autistic adults and teens struggle with being infantalized for our behavior generally or treated as little babies that can do no wrong. Even in fandom, you see people doing stuff like jumping to call autistic adult characters, such as Entrapta from Shera, "minor coded." It is also common for us to have at least one bad experience with someone hanging around us out of pity. This is something that really gave me a similar feeling in Akito's arc. She's not a baby and she can understand and do better if she is given the chance to learn and break from all the freaky cult indoctrination she's been subjected to instead of just being constantly enabled. In the end, a lot of her growth is represented by her showing that she is capable of changing and being independent.

Shows particular difficulty with socialization, often sits by herself spacing out at social events. A lot of her fear is rooted in the fact that she doesn't know how normal relationships work, becoming overly reliant on the curse because she doesn't know how to make friends.

Clings desperately onto the notion of being "special" and in some way superior to others to be worthy and to make up for perceived inherent "flaws." It's the nd gifted kid burnout vibes for me.

Easily bothered by things that don't bother others. Feels emotions very strongly to the point of getting physically ill and has bad emotional regulation.

Relatively good at reading others in an analytical sense (though has more trouble when it comes to seeing how they feel about her since she's wildly delusional) but brings up her observations in a very cold, detached way and hurts people even on the rare occasion she didn't mean to. Has extreme trouble connecting to others and understanding their point of view. This makes her come off as pretty unempathetic even though that might not fully be the case. Also thinks that people like Momiji are trying to look down on her when they try to empathize with her. A lot of why Tohru can get through to her is that she manages to convince Akito that she's not condescending by relating shared traits and experiences. As I said earlier, autistics often empathize by sharing their own experiences with someone, and I know I often have an easier time confiding in other autistics because of a fear of being seen as lesser by those that don't understand me. I think the connection between these charachters and the way that Tohru manages to reach Akito like that while others couldn't makes a lot of sense through an autistic lense!

Additionally, when Akito herself gets around to trying to help others instead of just projecting trauma, she tries to reach out to the old maid by relating back to her own experiences. This however, doesn't work.

Has "cold" emotional reactions sometimes even to things that do make her upset. For example, how sort of calm and detached she acted after her father's death can make her seem uncaring. However, we know that this event did mess her up a lot and she is still (poorly) dealing with a lot of grief from the death of her father years later.

Copies mannerisms from others, the most blatant example is with Ren, who she directly parrots lines from as a child to Yuki.

Partly just her posturing, but gestures a lot with her hands when she talks. Also seen several times clutching her hands in her hair.

Deals extremely poorly with the idea of things changing to the point that it is a driving force of the story.

Does not understand when people tease her.

Ect. Ect. Ect. Listen, I could go on for ages but just trust me, the mean gremlin lady is autistic.

#fruits basket #akito sohma #tohru honda #saki hanajima #machi kuragi #hatsuharu sohma #actually autistic #meta

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spencers-dria · 4 years

Note

Can you maybe write something where the reader meets spencer in prison and when they get out, they meet up and they have really rough and kinky sex like you can literally go as dirty and kinky as you want

Four Feet Apart

🎉150 follower celebration! Day 6

Spencer x fem reader

Content/Trigger Warnings: 18+ Smut, oral female receiving, anal play, blindfold/sensory play, and handcuff/restraint use, protected penetrative sex, mentions of murder, prison

The beginning is a little angst, little fluff, plenty of smut!

“Alright inmates, listen up! There’s been some budget cuts. For the time being, the old west wing building will be taken by overflow from the women’s prison.”

The guard’s voice was overtaken by wolf whistles and hollers.

“That’s enough! Now you will not share a building with them. You will not see them during meals. However the courtyards do share a fence. If you are caught harassing them in any way, you will be punished accordingly!”

The announcement had caught the attention of just about every inmate, except one. Spencer Reid had bigger problems to worry about than women. He didn’t get them outside of prison, so why should he worry about them on the inside. He needed to worry about how to stay safe, stay alive until his name was cleared. That is, until he met you.

_______________________________________

I sat on the bleachers, popping some bubble gum as I searched for some worthwhile eye candy. The sun was a bit hot so I shrugged my button down off my shoulders, opting to tie it around my waist, leaving me in a white tank. This of course leads to many wondering eyes and a few whistles from the men’s side of the fence. I’m not even sure what i’m looking for, but none of the men giving me the time of day have it. I finally notice a slender man sitting on the men’s bleachers, just a few feet away from the fence on his side. I scoot up , slipping my fingers through the women’s chain-link side. Of course I could never touch any of them, with each side having about four feet between their respective fences. But there were no rules against looking or talking even.

“Hey. Think too hard and you’re gonna mess up that pretty face of yours.”

He looks up a bit startled, but his posture changes once his gaze lands on me. He almost looks shy, which seems in direct contrast to his rugged look. But once I look in his eyes, I see depth and warmth and kindness that belongs far away from this place, and it hurts me for a moment, to think of what will happen to him here.

“I don’t bite. The name is Y/L/N. Got in for killing my ex husband. How about you?”

He blinked, speechless at first.

“Doc- I’m uh, Spencer Reid. They think I killed someone too…”

“Well, didn’t you?”

He shook his head. Based on the look in his eyes, I want to believe him I really do.

“Did you know that incarceration of women has been growing at twice the rate of men’s incarceration?”

“Now how in the world would you know that?”

He simply shrugged.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Just looked like you could use some company is all.”

He looked like he wanted to respond, he really did. But before he got the chance, the women were called back inside.

I give a quick salute. “Nice meetin ya Spencer Reid. See ya when I see ya.”

___________________________________________

The next time I saw him he looked different. Scared, fragile, and a bit bloodied up.

“Hey- what uh- I mean, are you okay?”

He refused to look up or give much of an answer. But he was sitting in the same spot, close enough for us to have another conversation so I have to believe he wanted to talk again.

“I’m guessing you’re relatively new. It happened to me too ya know. Especially when I wouldn’t just go along with everything they asked.”

That drew his attention, and I could see tears in his eyes.

“You can’t let them see they get to you, that you’re scared. I learned that long before I got here though. That’s why I killed him ya know- he hurt me and I couldn’t just take it anymore. Police wouldn’t listen. I just wanted it to stop.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I shrugged it off. I’m paying my time but I’m safer in here than I ever felt with him.”

“Can you keep a secret?”

Now he has my attention. I nod, trying not to seem too excited to be sharing schoolyard secrets with the handsome stranger.

“I uh, was in the FBI. I was framed by a, well you can almost call her an arch nemesis of sorts.” He laughed to himself. It was a warm sort of laugh that filled me with butterflies. “I was just trying to get medicine for my mom. She has Alzheimer’s and schizophrenia. She was getting worse and I-“ his words are quickly cut off by the sounds of sniffles.

“Why are you telling me this?” I don’t mean it to be rude, but I had to know.

“I guess you could say I’m good at reading people and- you’re not a bad person. I trust you.”

In that moment, our eyes met again, but something new was there. Desire? Lust? Caring? Who knows. But that was the start of something. Of daily meetings, and quiet longing.

Day after day we would sit by our fences, sharing stories of our lives before prison. I learned that he was kind, hard-working, and actually quite funny. Spencer Reid was the best company I’d had in years, and not just within the prison walls.

He also told me about the rough time of it he was having on his own side. I gave him pointers where I could. How to get in with the right people, how to avoid the wrong ones, and how to get himself safe when necessary.

At one point, the politics on his side did endanger his life, and that’s when we came up with the plan together. A plan that would help take down the very man targeting him while getting Spencer somewhere safe for now. This meant I wouldn’t see him while he was in solitary, but we both knew it was necessary.

We never spoke about exactly what it was we wanted but- it was there. We devoured one another with our eyes. Biting and licking lips, drawn out breaths, and lingering gazes. We knew.

I watched him change overtime. His hair and beard grew yes, but so did this darkness in his eyes. The soft, Bambi-eyed boy was seemingly gone, replaced by a man who needed to hurt someone, anyone. And oh was I ready to let him hurt me.

I waited by the fence each day for his return, but it never came. I finally decided to ask around until I heard something that thrilled me but also left a huge gaping hole in me.

“He left.”

I couldn’t be happier for him. Had they cleared his name? From the sound of it, federal agents, friends of his had come to retrieve him. I could only hope that he was safe and happy.

Then one day I received a letter.

Dear Y/N,

I miss you. Just you. You made my time there worthwhile, worth missing. There’s so much more I wanted to say to you, and a letter just won’t do it justice. I have a feeling you’ll be out on parole sooner than you think. Come find me when you can. I’ll be in D.C..

Counting the days,

Spencer

____________________________________________

Parole? I had at least another year before that could even be a consideration. But I started counting too, which didn’t last long. Imagine my surprise when I got out on parole only two weeks after receiving the letter.

Did he- no he couldn’t, could he? Spencer had been gone for months. Clearly he had cleared his name, thank goodness. I knew I needed to see him as soon as possible.

I couldn’t leave the state, but luckily I didn’t need to. With what little I had, I made my way to D.C.. I figured I’d start out at the return address on the envelope, the one I clung to like my life depended on it.

With a bag slung over my shoulder, I raised my hand with the letter to hesitantly knock on the door, completely unsure of what to expect on the other side.

My mouth fell open at the sight before me. Spencer Reid in a cardigan, a tie? I had never seen him outside the prison. He looked so put together. And all I could think about was how much I wanted to tear him apart. I did my best to suppress my lust in hopes of a civil and normal greeting.

I don’t know what I expected. Tears, hugs maybe? We stood there staring at each other for who knows how long before I finally spoke. I’d had a well rehearsed speech in my head. One I’d had two whole weeks to work on since he sent the letter. But that all went out the window the second I saw his face again.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

Who was I kidding? We could see it in eachother’s eyes, the same desire from before, but stronger somehow. Maybe because it was quite literally within reach. Months of daydreaming about what it would feel like to touch him, kiss him, get absolutely railed by him.

The man I had met initially was so gentle, timid. I watched him change in that prison. I had initially imagined ruining him, breaking him for my own pleasure. By the time he left I wanted something completely different. I wanted him to do the breaking. I wanted him to use me for his own personal pleasure. And he knew it.

He grabbed my face to pull me in for an all consuming kiss that quite literally took my breath away. I had to pull back, gasping for air before I could get any words out.

“Missed you too.” I smiled.

“Can we take this to my bedroom?” The words came out rushed, as though he might die if he couldn’t have me in that very moment.

I give an enthusiastic nod. A small squeal and uncharacteristic giggle leaves my lips as he scoops me up in his arms, whisking me away to his bedroom.

“I’ve been waiting so long for this,” he pants, frantically removing his clothes. “Can you get undressed and lay down on your stomach for me?”

I follow his orders without question. He leans down by my ear and asks one question. “Safe word?”

“Cherry blossom.”

“Anything off limits?”

I don’t even have to think. “No, I trust you.”

Next thing I know I feel soft silk over my eyes as he ties a blindfold in place. This allows me to focus on the sounds of whatever else he is preparing. I hear a distinctly familiar jingle of metal, which is confirmed as it touches the skin of my wrists. Handcuffs. I wiggle my hips in delight, which earns me a playful spank.

“Like what you see?”

“I definitely can’t complain.” I can almost hear his smirk.

His fingers dig into my hips before pulling them up in the air. I feel cold air hit my core immediately.

“Fucking beautiful.”

Without any warning I feel a finger coated in cool lubricant coating my other opening.

“Try and relax for me, beautiful.” His fingers run through some of my hair, dragging across the skin of my back and I feel my muscles immediately follow his command. I attempt to mentally and physically prepare for whatever could be coming next.

I feel him work in what feels to be a decent sized anal plug. I’ve tried them before but only by myself. I’m already enjoying the added stimulation. My hips jolt when he suddenly brings his head down to lick up through my slit and I can’t help but yell.

“Fuck!”

“Mmm you like that, dirty girl? You’re quite literally dripping for me.”

He says it so calmly, I can hardly wrap my head around how smooth he’s being.

“Yes sir, please!” I beg.

“Please what, hmmm? What do you need?”

“Need you to eat my pussy please sir!”

Damn I sound absolutely pathetic. To think I ever considered myself a feminist. So much for my leg up on domineering men. Here I am willingly let one take me, have me anyway he wants. And that’s just the way I want it too. For Spencer Reid, I would be anything he needed.

“Good girl.” The two words have me writhing in pleasure with the combined sensation of his tongue back on the place I need it most. He sucks and laps at me like I'm his favorite dessert . He reads my body like a book, every movement and moan. He knows just what I need, when to let up, when to push harder. It’s unfair just how talented his mouth is.

And then, I’m coming undone on that beautiful mouth of his. Too bad I can’t see it. But oh it’s all I can imagine as waves of pleasure wreck my body and he’s running his fingers down my back, squeezing my ass as he gets in his final victory licks.

There’s a distinct sound of a condom wrapper, and I appreciate the consideration. I feel him sit on the bed next to me, against the headboard perhaps?

“Come sit on my lap.” His voice is dark and commanding, and my body is already responding with a fresh dose of arousal.

“But I can’t see sir.”

“No excuses. Come sit on my lap or you won’t get to come again.”

Not only can I not see, but my hands are still handcuffed behind my back. Not to mention my knees are weak from my most recent orgasm. This oughta be interesting. I try to scoot on my knees towards where I had heard his voice, only to lose my balance once I bump into his legs. I fall face first into his lap. Not the worst position to be in. I hear a soft, dark chuckle above me.

“Poor pathetic thing, are you already too weak? Can you handle another one?”

I swear, I never knew I was into degradation and humiliation. I don’t even know if I truly am, it's just something about him, about Spencer, that turns me on with everything he does.

“Yes sir, please! Please I can handle it! Let me try!”

I feel his fingers grasp my jaw, pulling my face up till I’m sitting on my knees again. I can feel his breath on my face and I wish I could just lean in and feel his lips on mine. My wish is granted for just a second. I feel his plush lips brush against mine, but they’re gone just as quick.

“Pretty thing. Let me help you, hmm.”

His long fingers wrap around my hips and guide me till I’m sitting in his lap, one leg on either side.

“Do you think you can ride me without your hands for balance?

“Yes sir!” I nod with an embarrassing eagerness.

“Show me, baby.”

I raise up and with his guidance again, lower myself until he’s making sure my other hole is filled as well.

Each bounce against his lap is adding pressure against the plug, combined with the bump of his cock against my cervix. With no sight, I’m so in tune with every sensation, especially the way his fingers feel roaming every inch of my body. He’s pinch my nipples, grabbing my ass, tugging at my hair. I may have been the one begging but he was clearly just as desperate.

When he decided he needs more, Spencer grabs my hips and starts thrusting up into me at a completely

ridiculous pace.

“You look so pretty bouncing on my cock. See for yourself, little girl.”

Before I have time to realize what he means, his beautiful fingers are ripping the silk away from my eyes, only to be met with absolutely heavenly eyes. They’re golden, warm, filled with lust but also something kinder. They devour my body like I’m his goddess. I absolutely love watching him enjoy the view. He licks his lips hungrily as he watches my breasts bounce and the way he looks sliding in and out of me.

Spencer pulls me in so he can leave a trail of kisses along my shoulders and neck. I love the way my face feels buried in his soft curls, he smells of lavender shampoo and it’s intoxicating. When he pulls back he’s got a knowing smirk on his face.

“What?”

In seemingly one move, I’m off his lap, on my back, with my hands pinned over my head.

“But the hand cuffs? How did you-“

Instead of answering he silenced me with an all consuming kiss. We’re biting, sucking, moaning, on one another like animals in heat. I can’t help but feel sorry for his poor neighbors.

He keeps my hands pinned above my head while realigning himself ready to pick back up where he left off. Before I can even register what’s happening he’s pounding into me like it’s his fucking job.

“You feel that? You feel how perfectly I fill you up? So pretty with my cock in you. Fuck- you take it so well!”

Words are gone from my mind. I’m left with moans, tears, and one name. Spencer.

“Spencer!”

He lets go of my arms and they instinctively wrap around his neck as I use my legs around his hips bringing him close.

“I’ve got you pretty girl. I’m here. Be a good little thing and come for me. Come on.”

I’m wrecked, shaking and moaning, unsure if I’ll ever be able to stop. He’s right there with me, filling me up in the best way. The pleasure is intensified by the extra pressure from the plug. I cling to him for dear life as I ride off my high, enjoying the way he looks above me. He’s angelic with the light sheen of sweat causing his skin to glisten in the low lighting, the natural sparkle of his eyes, the way his curls fall in his face, the pretty pink lips softly parted as he pants.

He’s dominant but also so soft and kind with me. It's clear tonight he cared about my pleasure just as much as his own. Maybe I don’t ever have to let him go. Maybe we can just stay here, twisted up in one another, blissfully unaware of all our troubles and the world around us.

I’m embarrassed at how much I whine as he gets off of me and slips away into the bathroom. I don’t know why I was surprised when he returns with a warm washcloth and lotion. He’s cleaning me up, tending to my wrists and any other spots sore from friction, and removing the plug. All the while he’s littering my skin with gentle kisses, all along my back and shoulders, my hips, my chest, my face. I’ve never been so pampered.

“Are you okay?” His voice is sweet and smooth like honey, leaving me tingling in the wake of its sweetness.

“Never better.” I leave kisses across his knuckles and he gives me that look again, like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

After some convincing, I get up to use the bathroom, returning to a very sweet looking boy waiting for me under the covers, looking up with puppy dog eyes. I see the man I first met in the courtyard months ago. The one that stole my heart. I slip into the spot next to him, and we tangle back together, skin against skin. It’s so warm, soft, inviting and I think I’ll stay forever.

#criminal minds #dr spencer reid #spencer x reader #prison reid #post prison spencer #spencer reid x y/n

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maddiwrites · 4 years

Text

Family and Hope

Pairing: Routledge!Reader x JJ (Kinda)

Summary: A month after your brother disappeared, you’re confronted by someone you never thought you would see again, forcing you to come to terms with reality.

Note: I made this a reader x JJ pairing but the focus is more on the relationship with the person who’s introduced in this fic! Also if you haven't yet, go over to my page and read my OBX rewrite and let me know what you think (:

Word Count: 4.2k (Do I know how to write a short fic? No.)

You’ll never forget the day that Shoupe told you he and the FBI “lost” your brother. “Lost” them. Like they were a toddler’s toy that had just been misplaced. No one knew if they were dead or alive, but most made the conclusion that they were never coming back.

You were ultimately left with no family. After you dad disappeared, all you had was John B. And just like that, he was gone too. Your legal guardian, Ward Cameron, obviously threw you out. But it didn’t take much effort because you weren’t going to go back there anyway. See Ward, whether it be on the streets or on the Local News, nauseated you to no end. You knew he was the reason your dad and brother were gone. The greedy mother fucker would do anything to sit on the highest throne of success and fortune - even going as far as murder. And you knew this world well enough to know that he would never face the consequences of his actions. Because he’s wealthy with an outstanding reputation on this island. And if that wasn’t enough, people now felt sorry for him because his daughter was gone, and everyone blamed that on John B.

Although you were left with no blood relatives, you continue to be surprised by how far your real family would go for you. Mr. Heyward, although always disapproving of you and your friends’ antics, offered to take you in. He promised a roof over your head and food on the table until you turned eighteen so you wouldn’t have to experience foster care. You couldn’t be more grateful especially knowing that he already struggled to support his wife and only kid.

You tried your hardest to continue living your life as normal as possible. Most days, you pretended like your brother wasn’t even dead. He was just gone. On vacation. Living life. He was coming back. That’s what you told yourself, anyway. You sound like John B when your dad first disappeared. The police called you crazy. Your friends felt sorry for you. But you didn’t care. You weren’t going to give up hope.

Your boyfriend, JJ, tried his best to be supportive, but he was drowning in his own sorrow and grief. He lost his best friend too and truly believed he was never coming back. It was hard for him to get out of bed in the mornings. He was fired from his hotel job, and the couple of people who still let him mow his lawn barely talked to him. The beatings from his dad were worse than ever. Luke almost killed him when he heard it was The Phantom that had sunk. The only reason JJ is still breathing is because the police showed up after one of their neighbors called in for a noise complaint. Since the Chateau was no longer a safe escape - always being investigated by the police - he was stuck in his own home. Luckily, his dad was gone most days, which allowed you to sneak in every once in a while.

You brought him food and water whenever you could, always checking for Luke’s pick up truck before sneaking in through the window. Although you hated how depressed JJ was, it gave you something to focus on. Helping JJ with his every day tasks helped distract you from thinking about your own feelings about John B’s loss.

Even though it was hard to tell, JJ worried about you. You were running from his house, to Kie’s, to Pope’s, finding anyone and anything to avoid your own feelings about your brother. He was afraid that one of these days you were gonna break. And he was terrified because he didn’t know what would trigger that reaction.

~ ~ ~

“Oh, good. You’re up,” You crawled through JJ’s window and watched him sip on a PBR can as he looked for a shirt that didn’t smell completely awful. You forced a smile when JJ barely glanced at you and set the coffees and two granola bars on his night stand. “I know it’s not a lot, but it’s all I could afford right now.”

Kie’s father basically fired you from the Wreck, telling you nicely that you were scaring people away. At the end of the day, everyone on the island thought you helped a murderer escape. A murderer you were related to. So you’ve been working for Heyward behind the the counter, making less than minimum wage.

“Okay...” you drawled out. “Well, I have to get going. Heyward needs me their early, but maybe we can go somewhere tonight? Smoke on the beach or something? Just the two of us.”

JJ looked at you sadly, wanting to say something. But he thought maybe tonight would be better. You were in a good mood - a facade he knew you put on every day to avoid talking about your family. He hated seeing you cry, but he thought if he broke down your walls now, it would help you heal faster. Even if you thought you didn’t need to heal.

But instead, he just nodded and let you leave without saying “goodbye” or “I love you.” A phrase he hasn’t mentioned since John B disappeared.

You kissed him on the cheek and walked yourself out the front door, ignoring the crack in your heart when JJ turned away from you.

~ ~ ~

A couple hours later, JJ was waking up from another nap when Pope blew up his phone with missed calls and text messages. At first, he immediately thought of the worse possible case scenario. Something happened to you or maybe even Kie. He even let his mind wander to the possibility that they found John B’s body. But instead, what he read, only left him completely confused.

He rushed over to Heyward’s, hoping to beat you there.

~ ~ ~

Mr. Heyward didn’t know what to expect when his former friend showed up at his door. He was mixed with all different emotions. Relieved, confused, scared. Behind her was a man about his age. Tall, fair skinned, hair slicked back, and dressed in slacks and a button down shirt.

“Caroline....what are you doing here?”

“I hear my daughter is living with you now. I was hoping I’d be able to see her,” Your mother admitted, feeling sheepish and a little embarrassed. “May I come in?” Heyward told himself he should slam the door in her face and tell her to go back to wherever the hell she came from. She used to be his friend, then out of nowhere, she up and left her entire family behind, without another word to them or any of her friends. He was hurt and betrayed, and he knew if he was feeling this way, he could only imagine how you would feel.

But although Heyward loved you like his own, he felt wrong hiding your mother from you. It wasn’t his decision to make whether or not you got to confront her.

He opened the door wider for her and her husband, he assumed, to enter. Heyward ignored their judgmental gazes as they inspected his home and called out for his wife.

Mrs. Heyward stopped in her tracks when she caught a glimpse of the blonde hair she remembered so clearly. You were a spitting image of your mother. Long blonde hair, a button nose, and perfectly straight teeth. The one thing you didn’t get from her though was her selfish personality.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She seethed. Mrs. Heyward loved you like a daughter and felt protective when someone who hurt you so badly in the past came back.

“Honey...” Mr. Heyward placed a light hand on her shoulder to comfort her and then motioned for the two seats at their kitchen table for your mother and her husband to take.

“Y/N’s not here,” Mrs. Heyward glared.

“Anne, I know you don’t think I have any right to be here -”

“Right?”

“But she’s my daughter!” Your mother protested with tears in her eyes.

Your mother grew up on the Cut too, and just like you, she was able to charm her way into anything. A job, a relationship, a better test grade. There was a time when Caroline, John, Anne and Heyward would cause mischief in Kildare County. But unlike the rest of the group, she was always interested in getting out of the Outer Banks and starting a life somewhere else. She knew she was settling when she married John Routledge so the second a better opuurtunity came around, she didn’t hesitate to take it. Even if it mean’t leaving her family behind.

“Mom...” Pope walked out from the hallway and looked between Caroline and the man next to her who had his hand on her thigh. He never met Y/N and John B’s mother. Never even seen a picture of her. But looking at her, it was clear to him that this was their mother. You looked just like her, he thought.

“Pope, this is Caroline...” Heyward hesitated and looked at the woman for clarification.

“Bennett.” She confirmed and placed her hand on top of her husband’s, interlacing their fingers. “I’m Y/N’s mom.”

Pope noticed how she didn’t even mention John B. He wondered how cold a woman had to be to not even mention her dead son’s name.

“Go to your room, Pope,” His mother said softly.

Pope nodded and glanced one last time at Caroline and the man next to her before pulling his phone out of his back pocket and texting JJ. He knew Y/N wasn’t going to take well to the news that her mother was in town. All her life, he heard Y/N saying nothing but horrible things about the woman. You hated her.

He waited in his room until he heard the familiar revving of JJ’s bike outside his house. Pope ran to the front door before his father could push JJ away. JJ stormed into the house and stopped when he was face to face with the woman he’s grown to hate too. Just like you had with his mother.

“JJ -” Heyward stood up and approached the boy, but JJ flinched out of his grasp.

“You shouldn't be here,” JJ pointed at her.

“I- I’m sorry. Who -”

“This is JJ. Pope’s friend -” Anne tried explaining.

“And Y/N’s boyfriend, and I’m telling you right now, she won’t want to see you.”

Caroline nodded as if she understood where JJ was coming from. But Caroline was use to getting what she wanted. Now more than ever. And she wasn’t leaving OBX without seeing her daughter. Maybe even convincing her to come home with them.

“JJ -” Heyward tried to say again, but the room grew silent when the front door creaked open again, which only meant that you were home.

“Hey! Who’s car is out front? I’ve never seen...” You slowly came to a halt when you were met with Heyward, Anne, Pope, and JJ all staring at you with pity and concern. You laughed nervously. “What -” But then you saw her. The woman and her husband at the kitchen table as if they were here for a glass of wine and friendly conversation.

You recognized her mom immediately from old photographs your dad refused to throw away throughout the entirety of his life. You use to think she was beautiful. Sometimes, you were even jealous of how she was able to look amazing in every picture. Extremely photogenic.

You never thought about what you would do if you ever saw her again. You never thought the day would come where you would be face to face with the person you grew up hating more than the entire population of Kooks. But you stared into the same pale blue eyes you saw every time you looked in the mirror and your skin burned with rage.

“What the hell is this?” You looked at Heyward for some answers, ignoring her presence overall.

Heyward coughed awkwardly. “Caroline was hoping to speak with you.”

“About what?” Heyward glanced back at Caroline. He truly didn’t know why she was here. They hadn’t gotten there yet.

JJ stepped in front of you and pulled you in close so his mouth was next to your ear. “We can leave.”

“No,” You shook your head and stepped away from him to get a good look at your mother. “No. I want to know what you’re doing here. What makes you think I want to talk to you?”

“Sweetie, I know you have every right to hate me. But I come here in peace -” Your mother tried explaining, but you cut her off.

“Peace?” You scoffed. “Where the hell have you even been?” “Georgia,” She said. Your mouth dropped open in shock. She was only a couple states below you. “This is Byron, my husband.” You clenched your teeth together and held your stare on the two of them. You didn’t know who you hated more. Your mother or the man who took her away from you. Your mother sighed and looked down at her intertwined fingers with her husband. “I heard about your brother on the News.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” You rolled your eyes. She sounded more like a sympathetic neighbor than a mourning mother. She talked about John B as if he wasn’t her blood too.

“I came here as soon as I could -”

“That was a month ago!” You raised your voice.

“I know,” Your mother choked, starting to get flustered. “I got caught up with work and -” It’s been a while since someone put her in her place.

“Work? You knew about John B and you cared more about your work? What the hell do you even do, Martha Stewart?”

“Y/N...” Anne said softly, pulling you out of your dark head and reminding you to take a breath. Anne didn’t like her either, but all this yelling wouldn’t get either of you anywhere.

“Fine,” You took the seat across the table from Caroline and leaned back on it with your arms crossed in front of your chest. “Your here now. So tell me what for. We’re not having a funeral for John B. Not until I see a body.”

Caroline looked at her husband for some sort of encouragement. Although he was unsure now more than ever, Byron subtly nodded his head for his wife to tell her daughter the reason they came up here. “Byron and I...we want you to come home.”

“Home?” You cocked a brow.

“With us,” Byron added.

You couldn’t help but chuckle - really belly laugh at what you were hearing. You couldn’t believe the ridiculous suggestion she made. You were astounded that she even thought you would agree.

“We’ve seen the News and read the papers. I mean the stuff you kids have been through -”

“That’s enough,” You stood up.

“We have a beautiful home. You’d have your own room, a pool in the backyard. We even have two other daughters! Ten and seven. They’re excited to meet you.”

You tried your best to ignore her as you grabbed JJ’s arm to pull him out with you. But everything she said was like a ringing in your ears you couldn’t escape. Little did Caroline know, each luxury she threw at you felt like a stab in the back.

“I’m outta here -”

“Y/N Y/M/N Routledge! I am your mother!” Caroline stood up, her chair screeching against the hardwood. She slapped her palm against the wooden table and narrowed her eyes at her daughter. In her own head, she couldn’t believe how ungrateful you were. She was offering you a new and better life - one that wouldn’t make you dress like your entire wardrobe was from the thrift store, or sleep on your friend’s couch, or be looked at every day as a criminal. She was offering you a new beginning with the only blood relative you had left and you were gonna turn your back on her?

You swiveled on your heels so fast that your head started spinning. Your vision clouded with the color red and your fists clenched against your side. You glared at the woman who gave birth to you - hating how she acted as if she knew what was best for you when she didn’t even know you at all.

“I don’t have a mother!” You screamed. “She turned her back on us when we were three! I don’t even know you. The only reason I recognized you is because my dad kept pictures of you in frames in his office.” Tears pricked at your eyes and you shook your head. “And I felt sorry for him that he still held onto memories of the woman who seemed so useless.”

Your voice cracked and you hated that you sounded so weak. You wondered what John B would say if he was standing next to you right now. He’d probably be more calm. He’d probably listen to what your mother had to offer and then kindly tell her that the two of you were better off without her. John B use to always keep you grounded. He calmed you down when you were on a rampage or feeling panicked. He taught you reason and discipline. Without him, you had none of that.

“You left,” You continued. “You turned your back on us when we were three. And Dad? He had no idea what he was doing. The man could barely hold a job let alone two kids. But unlike you, he did it. Hell, he even bought me my first box of tampons! He held me through my first heartbreak and taught me how to surf. And just like that,” You snapped your fingers, “he was gone. And you, my so-called mother, still didn’t show up. So John B and I...we became our own parent. We paid the bills, worked our asses off to pay the rent, and passed our classes. I learned to fend for myself because you weren’t there! You didn’t do shit for our family.” You pointed to yourself. “I did. I took care of us.”

“That’s not fair...” Your mother’s voice shook. She couldn’t even look at you as she became so overwhelmed with shame and guilt.

“Not fair?” You bent down so you were eye level with her and looked at her like she had just grown two heads. “You just listed off all the amazing luxuries you have while I was left with absolutely nothing and you want to talk about what is fair?”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Bryon stepped in and stood up from his seat, placing a hand on your mother’s shoulder to try to comfort her.

“No, I’m just getting started,” You glared at him. “And I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but this is between me and her. And I know she grew up on the Cut and is more than capable of fighting her own battles.” You averted your attention back to your mother. “You don’t get to waltz into my life over ten years later and pretend like nothing’s happened. My dad’s dead and my brother probably is too! I have no one left, but the family right here.” You point to the people behind you. Mr and Mrs Heyward, Pope, and JJ. “And I’ll choose these people over you every single time. So no. You’re not my mother.” You looked her up and down. “You’re nothing to me.”

You spun around on your heels and grabbed your back pack on the way out.

“Y/N...” Mrs. Heyward tried calling out to you, but no one really tried to stop you. They knew you needed to get out from under the same roof as your mother, the woman behind all your anger.

“I got her...” JJ told the Heyward family quietly. He glanced at Pope, who nodded once at him, before walking out of the house to find you. Only you were already gone and your bike was missing.

Your feet moved faster than your head. You didn’t know where you were going, you just knew you had to get as far away from that woman as possible. Your tears made your vision all blurry and your brain pounded against your skull. Your throat felt like sandpaper with every heavy breath you took.

You practically fell off your bike in front of the one place you had been avoiding for weeks. It looked just like how you had left it, only now it was wrapped in yellow caution tape. Shockingly, no one was here. No police, FBI, or any other government official. It was just you and your thoughts.

You pulled the squeaky porch door open and were immediately flooded with memories. Empty beer cans and the butt of old cigarettes and blunts littered the floor like you were all lounging here yesterday. Guess CSI doesn’t hire a clean up crew when they are done.

You took another step into your house. Your brother’s room was to your right, his door open, enticing you to go in. But you couldn’t. Your heart twisted in your chest at the thought of John B. He should have been here. He should have never left! How could he? He was your brother. Your older brother, even if it was only by a few minutes. He was supposed to protect you. He was supposed to scare off all the boys who showed interest in you, yell at you when you’re bathing suit showed too much skin, take care of you when you were sick, help you with your homework, be the cool uncle to your kids one day. And he was gone. Everyone was gone!

You didn’t remember how it happened, but you were in your dad’s office. This place use to be a mystery to you - a room where your Dad hid most of the time and locked when he wasn’t home. You always wondered what was so special about this room. Now you knew it was nothing. It was a curse. This room was the reason your dad and brother were gone.

A screech ripped from your throat as your swept your arms across your father’s desk. Everything on top, papers, paper weights, pens, folders, all clattered to the floor. With all your strength, you flipped the desk over on its side. The wooden floor rumbled under your feet when it fell with a bang.

Your breath hitched in your throat and you felt like you couldn't breathe. You stepped back until your back hit the wall. Your fingers raked through the hair near your scalp and you pulled on the roots. You body slid down the wall until you were on the ground. You cried into your knees, weeping for your brother and dad. You have never felt pain like this before. You were physically healthy but it felt like someone took a vacuum into your body and was sucking the life out of you.

You didn’t even hear anyone else come into the house over your loud sobs. It wasn’t until you felt arms wrap around you that you looked up. JJ pulled you into his chest, curling you so that your body fit perfectly against his. He whispered against your head and kissed it after every sentence. He told you it was going to be okay.

“He can’t be gone,” You cried into JJ’s shoulder. “It’s not fair!”

“I know,” JJ mumbled against your hair and pulled you in tighter. “I know. I’m sorry.” He felt like the worst boyfriend ever. He knew this day would come and he took advantage of you avoiding your own grief by drowning in his own. He should have been taking care of you, making you open up about your brother so that it didn’t all hit you at once like it did now.

“I have no one.”

“No,” JJ shook his head. “That’s not true. You have me. Pope and Kie, we’re all going to be here for you. And screw your mom. You don’t need her anyway.”

For a split second, you forgot about your mom and how she wanted to take you back to Georgia. But you knew she wasn’t your real family. Not anymore. You were right when you said you had all the family you needed. The Heywards, Pope, Kie, JJ. You weren’t alone. You still had them.

“I’m sorry,” JJ said again. “I should have - I should have done something. I should have been there for you -”

“It’s okay,” You placed your hand delicately under his jaw to make him look at you. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

“I love you.” Your heart swelled, forgetting the way those three words made you feel. Safe, loved, comforted. “And if John B’s out there, he’s going to come back.” JJ remembered the promise John B made him swear by before he left with the Phantom. How he made JJ promise to protect you no matter what. Even if you were to go through a nasty break up. He was supposed to be there for you. “There’s still hope.”

“Hope,” You repeated, tasting the word on your tongue. You still had hope.

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