#especially for a day that isnt about our fucked up past its about one of my closest friends birthdays

[gatsby-system-folks]

I have a lot of thoughts about ai and most of them are sad

[cryptoseraphim]

I just talked to my best friend for two hours about a past relationship of mine that I ended and.... I only just processed how bad it was in hindsight like I was not safe in that situation I had never seen it this way. I really dodged a bullet I'm glad I broke things off

[platonicmoonwater00]

I see these everywhere. and i mean EVERYWHERE. and also i need motivation so lets go ig

10 notes- i'll drink on weekends too(i forget cos on weekends im just at home and not at school lugging around my frank green in my tote bag)

20 notes- i will(try to) pay attention in class

30 notes- i'll watch my whole watch later playlist on yt

50 notes- i'll actually do the techniques im learning in ✨therapy✨ to help with my anxiety and shitty social skills

75 notes- i'll take my iron tablets every day

100 notes- i'll start my assessments when i get them(i have one due tomorrow which i was gonna finish now but i'm doing this apparently)

125 notes- i'll ask my crush to hangout alone during spring holidays

150 notes- i'll try to go for a run or at least a walk every day

500 notes- i'll write another chapter of my fanfiction

1k notes- i will actually make an effort to get clean

2k notes- if i see someone pretty that i want to go out w in public i'll ask for their number cos holy fuck i need to put myself out there. even if we js end up being friends cos holy shit im lonely

3k notes- i will actually finished the dress i started making

4k notes- i will try to get over my crush cos its ✨never gonna happen✨(she so pretty and masc tho its gonna be hard)

5k notes- (this is so far up here cos idk how to do this so im gonnna need a lot of time to figure out how) im gonna try to demolish the rumour that im gay thats going around a bit.**

6k notes- i will finish all my crochet projects and not start any new ones until im done.

**context. i go to an all girls school and theres a lot of people so its not like everyone knows everyone, even in my year(theres approx. 174 in my year alone, and theres 6 year groups at my school cos high school is 7-12 where i live) but some people know me ig cos i know a few girl who are more notable, im in the top class and i recdntly started sitting with a group that the popular girls call furries.

(theyre a pretty big group and popular girls hate them cos one or two of them are trans - ftm, ftnb etc, no mtf cos my lovely/s catholic school wouldnt let trans girls in- several of them are gay, a few of them are emo, most of them are poc's and a few of them dont have english as their first language. overall they are seen as the "weird kids" in my year)

so this rumour apparently is going around that i like a girl in my class(i absolutely do but if you havent noticed my school is hella hoomophobic and i could very well get beat) which js isnt ideal and is gonna lead to a lot of issues, especially if a lot of people start believing it so if you guys have any advice pls lmk. and its not like i can js get a fake bf and show him off cos its a GIRLS SCHOOL. if i reconnect with a friend from primary school tho we could pretend to be dating and like make a post on social media. but then kids at his school would find out and hed either have to tell them its fake(which would eventually find its way back to my school, and when i say eventually i mean immediately) or he couldnt get a girlfriend so that probs wouldnt work.

i know it sounds like im making a mountain out of a molehill but ive got years to go here and i dont want to spend all my high school years getting bullied bc even if i went to a teacher about it or smthing id have to like analyse them first and try to figure out which ones are homophobic or not.

like learning about why "being gay is a sin"(pretend im saying that really mockingly) is literally in our curriculum.

holy shit that was longer than expected.

no pressure tags: @wishiwereheather13 @loserboyfriendrjl @fracturedsunsets @chasingthemoony @stars-and-leather @starsofleo

thats all im doing idk how you guys can stand js copy and pasting moots over and over i cant do this i did the first six that came up and that seems like enough 🤷‍♀️

begun doing

going to do

finished

[plxnetn1ne]

since everyone in this fandom and their mum seem to be giving their piece about the ‘update’ coming to Hogwarts Legacy on the 6th, i figured id give my piece even if no one has asked

ive been seeing a lot of posts and replies about how “we should just take what we get and be grateful” and “the devs are working hard, do you know how hard game development is?”

im very aware of how difficult game development can be and how mentally taxing it is. i dont doubt that they’ve been through the mill.

the update is trash. its that simple. we’re allowed to feel upset about it, and for people saying that its not fair to be upset — it is fair. we shouldnt have to expect the bare minimum from a game that sold 22 million copies and reached nearly 2 billion dollars in revenue, a game that had 14 nominations for awards and 3 wins.

we were told we were getting a summer update alongside the Haunted Hogsmeade quest — the quest they promised to release to PC and Xbox in march when the game celebrated one year of release. they said, and i quote;

“As we near the one-year anniversary of Hogwarts Legacy, we wanted to let our community know that the Hogwarts Legacy PlayStation-exclusive content will be available on other platforms later this summer, along with additional updates and features for the game. Stay tuned in the coming months for more details on what’s coming to Hogwarts Legacy this year.” copy and pasted straight from Hogwarts Legacy’s official twitter page. along with additional updates and features to the game.

yes — i know, thats a very vague statement. it could have been taken in any way, but typically when additional updates and features — plural — is put into a sentence, you assume that there will be more than one new feature. it wasnt wrong for the community to assume that there was more than a few new additions coming to the game.

okay, we got photo mode — thats great for console players, but it isnt new for us PC players. im happy for my console buddies that finally get to bring their mc to life in the way ive been able to. im looking forward to seeing the uptick in photos upon the updates release. PC and Xbox got the new haunted hogsmeade quest, and thats great, considering the release of it was delayed by 3 months, but atleast we’re getting it. but basically. PS5 was fucked in the process, because everything minus photo mode is stuff they already had, and honestly, thats not fair. and double honest — thats not an update. thats the release of exclusive content plus a new addition.

for several months a summer update was hyped up, and the result was…. ps5 getting fucked, a photo mode that im going to bet my ass on will be buggy as all hell, and some cosmetics. so no — i wont be grateful. especially when we keep getting promised things and then getting fucked by a hot iron in the process. because i havent forgotten the documentary that was supposed to come out, and i still remember during September when they hyped up a digital surprise for Back to Hogwarts day and it ended up being 30 percent off on a game most of us already had, only for the game to go on sale for half off the following Nov/Dec for the holiday sales.

since the release of the game, modders have been basically picking up the slack by working their asses off to create bug fixes, better cosmetic options, enhanced schedules, companions, and so much more to keep the community somewhat entertained. this as well as the file miners that are constantly digging things up that we were robbed of, like the relationship list for companions, gaunt manor, other house specific quests, more quests concerning Isadora, on and on. on top of this, ive seen first hand how much of the outer parts of the map was developed only to be cut out. i spent a solid hour and a half today using free cam to fly around the outskirts of the map — buildings, caves, entire areas laid out for towns or poacher camps, all thrown out on top of all of the discarded quests and content.

and while im at it — ill be one of the few to say it, but Hogwarts Legacies storyline was not well thought out, or at the very least it wasnt very well portrayed. there were hundreds of questions we were left with upon beating the game. where did Anne go? what happened to the keepers after the final battle? why wasnt Isadora in her portrait? what were the keepers hiding? did inhaling the magic actually make a difference or was it just for shock value? how much of Isadora’s story did we miss? how was the undercroft tied in with Isadora when it was apparently a Gaunt secret? what even really was the undercroft?

yes, i know ��� “well arent they making a second one?” and yeah, im pretty sure they are, and maybe thats why we’ve gotten nothing more than a pile of bricks in the last year and a half. but, they should probably finish the first game before starting on a second.

this doesnt mean i dont love Hogwarts Legacy. i love the people ive met, the stories ive read, and i love capturing the screenshots i take from that game. the entire situation is just frustrating to no end.

[lemmetreatya]

Husband!Reiner x Black!fem Reader

this isnt as hunky dory as i initially thought this to be but i think its still a valid insight into life with rei. surprisingly ive been having a lot of news, convos and experiences with various people in my own life about marriage and children so i guess this post was a subconscious embodiment of that. either way, enjoy 🫶🏾

Husband!Reiner knows he lucked out in bagging you and he absolutely adores people coveting him. everytime he tells someone hes cuffed, he literally cannot wait to show them a picture of you

Husband!Reiner always spoils you when it comes to bringing home gifts. Its rare that he ever comes home empty handed. more times than less he’s entering in with your favourite snacks or maybe a bracelet he thought suited you whilst he was on break earlier in the day

Husband!Reiner isnt picky when it comes to food. that man would eat just about ANYTHING you feed him and say how its the best thing hes ever tasted. not that youre a bad cook, but he’d find a way to praise even the simplest of meals.

“god, baby, this so good!” reiner’s cheeks were bulging full of food whilst he gave his compliment.

with a sweet laugh, you shook your head whilst opening a beer for him by cocking the tin lid with an opener.

“its literally just rice and stew. you eat it all the time by now.” placing the bottle next to his plate, you bent down to kiss his forehead.

he made a grunt of disagreement.

“dont change the fact that it’s always so good!”

Husband!Reiner is quite reserved when it comes to intimacy and sex. the furthest he’d go in terms of public displays of attraction is hold your hand or a quick peck on the cheek. he’d occasionally lean his chin on your shoulder when in the presence of other company.

however, in the private presence of each other, his attitude towards public reservations has never stopped him from pulling you to the side for a quick fuck before you go out with the girls or letting you go down on him once parked outside his family home for a visit.

Husband!Reiner isnt the best with chores. He tried to help in the past, and has the utmost purest intentions when offering his help, but his standard of clean isn’t the same as yours and so you believe you’re better off just doing everything yourself.

Husband!Reiner is really handy with manual labour tho!! if anythings broken around the apartment hes more than happy to get on it right away. if hes unsure how, he’ll find a tutorial on youtube and work it out from there

Husband!Reiner helps with all the tricky stuff with your hair. whether it be helping you to twist it before bed, wash day or being a live wighead for you to style your pieces — he’s available.

he learnt especially for you but always says if he’s possibly going to have a black daughter one day then hes gonna have to learn.

Husband!Reiner wants kids. its one of the few things the two of you disagree on and several arguments have lead out from that. he loves kids in general but he gets particularly broody whenever he babysits or goes to visit his baby cousin gabi.

it also doesnt help that Husband!Reiner has a particular breeding kink. hes okay with you going on BC because that’s your business and it means he can bottom out anytime! but it does sadden him that in result it means he cant give smol gabi a playmate

“i just think it’d be nice for her to have someone to play with!” he said as he tooths another parting in your hair with the metal rod of the comb. he gingerly took a scoop of hair grease from the tub before layering it down onto your exposed scalp.

“but rei, thats not your— our —responsibility to deal with. its her parents job to give her a sibling if need be so you gotta stop stressing about it like it’s your problem to solve.”

the man was quiet for awhile as he continued to grease your head. when he sighed, he looked over at the two of you within the mirror.

“i know.” he said after awhile. “i just…i never had any siblings or cousins growing up, you know? i don’t know if id want her to go through the same thing i did.”

Husband!Reiner is very family oriented. even though its just the two of you, he still tries his best to make the most of holidays and time off. he always insists you have at least two ‘holidays’ to yourselves a year — sometimes abroad, sometimes on an excursion or even just a spa weekend away. that way when it comes to festive holidays, there isn’t a feeling of fatigue from NOT spending time with each other, meaning you can spend it with extended family and not feel drained from lack of timeout

Husband!Reiner smokes as a habit rather than a coping mechanism. his favourite brands are malboros but you absolutely hate the fresh smell of the smoke once hes come to you after one. he doesnt smoke as much as he did when you first met him.

(back then, he promised to ween off of them if you were to give him a chance! — he did for awhile but after he got closer to the Jaeger’s around a year ago, he picked up the habit again. that’s another thing you two argue about)

“reiner, that fucking stinks. get the fuck outside with that shit, i’ve told you about smoking that nastiness inside here.” you say, flailing your arms by your side as you walk into the living room.

turning around with a face of confusion, reiner spoke slowly in a low tone.

“but i literally am outside, im on the balcony.”

“then close the door! all that smoke is coming inside and it’s stinking up the place.” you exclaimed.

“but i wanna watch the match at the same time.” reiner pointed towards the tv but you could only shrug.

“watch it through the window then.”

“but then i wouldn’t be able to hear the tv!”

“reiner james braun, i swear—”

reiner didn’t want, nor wait, to hear what else you had to say to him. with a grumble beneath his breath, reiner complied and leaned backwards to slide the balcony door shut, the action slightly shaking the walls.

Husband!Reiner is hospitable but mostly for people he’s used to. he loves setting up gatherings for your friends to come round and enjoy each other’s company. since uni, a lot of you haven’t been able to see each other a lot but reiners a bit like the glue that keeps everyone in touch

however, since all of you know each other from around the same time (and because they paired the two of you up!) your friends sometimes felt responsible for your relationship and were weary of any ‘threat’ made towards it

“you two thinking of extending the family anytime soon?” mikasa said, her voice hushed as you, her and annie sat on the balcony and away from the bustle of everyone else inside

you made a noise of surprise at her inquiry.

“actually, we have been! i was thinking of getting either a cat or a puppy. im not too keen on dogs but they say if you nurse them from young, you can get them to behave really well.” you deflected as your mug of hot beverage made its way to your lips.

with an amused hum, annie side eyed you.

“you know thats not what she meant.” she said as she took an inhale of her cigarette. “she’s talking about kids and you know it.”

as soon as annie spoke, your mood suddenly soured. with a huff you looked up towards the night sky.

“why does everyone keep asking me this question? im sure no ones asking pieck and porco this shit and they’ve been together longer than us. or you and bertholdt! so why is it me thats always being asked this stuff?”

mikasa shuffled awkwardly in her seat. hugging the blanket she had over her higher towards her chin, she made a dejected sound before speaking. from that alone, you knew she was reluctant to say her next words.

“yeah but…you dont see either of them loudly proclaiming their contrasting ideas. all of them have decided between each other what they want and seem at peace with that. but reiner’s like…the broodiest man ever and never fails to remind us. the fact that you two dont have kids yet means there’s obviously a hold up on your behalf.”

at mikasas bold words, a dry laugh left your mouth. was this seriously the conversation you were having right now?

shrugging your shoulders, you gave her a wild look

“so?! is it such a bad thing for me to not want them? why’s everyone coddling around reiner and his needs of wanting kids? whys no one thinking of me — the person whos gonna have to carry said child and be their primary care giver — who says im ready to give this life up for that?! why’s no one taking my choices into consideration?”

softly hopping in her seat, mikasa briefly hid her face behind the blanket before pouting over at you.

“i am taking you into consideration! and i know! and im sorry for bringing it up again. eren put me up for asking because he says hes sick of reiner’s whining in the guy’s groupchat. you know im on your side regardless.”

mikasa laid her hand over on your exposed arm, her face laced with remorse but you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of discontent at the knowledge that reiner was vocal to your friends about you not wanting children.

blinking forwards, you could only weakly shrug. even though mikasa had given her reasoning for asking, you still couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed

“i know, man but just… miss me with that bullshit. i know what im saying when i say i don’t want em right now.” you mumbled, now feeling more conflicted than before.

that night, you and Husband!Reiner have a bit of a honest conversation about how reiner talks about the whole kid thing with his friends. hes very quick to assure you that he doesn’t talk bad about you behind your back but tells them that he cant have them right now when you have a contrasting opinion to him

you personally dont have a problem with that because these were your friends too — theyed be quick to g-check reiner if he ever said something less than positive about you and then report it directly to you

but for the sake of the situation and with how sensitive it was, you asked reiner if he could refrain from sharing that personal aspect of your life with them

“i know i’ve said it way too many times now but im truly sorry for all this. mika was wrong for asking you that.” reiner says as you lay under his arm. you found solace by burying your face into his side.

“well i dont blame her. if you’re constantly telling people in the groupchat that kinda stuff then yeah, of course they’re gonna feel like they have to intervene. they’re our friends and they only want the best for us.”

you could really tell reiner was thinking this all over in his head by the way he made subconscious groans.

when he had finally made up his mind, he slightly bent down to kiss your forehead.

“yeah i guess so. i wont bring that stuff up again, im sorry for putting you in that position, baby.”

the two of you laid up next to each other, and went on to talk about other miscellaneous things. however, just when you were about to fall asleep, you tiredly mumbled into reiner’s skin.

“its not that i don’t ever want kids. i just…not now, rei. im still very much enjoying life with just the two of us. kids are hard work and a lifelong commitment. everything i know and do will have to change from here on out and i just dont think im ready for that kinda burden yet.”

with a lethargic hum, reiner nods his head.

“yeah, i get you.” he mumbles.

although Husband!Reiner still wants kids, he agrees to getting a puppy in the mean time. he says he might as well get the practice while he waits.

surprisingly Husband!Reiner is in absolute adoration of the new bundled edition. the pup is boisterous and hyper but listens to commands well and learns quickly

the puppy is even more enamoured by smol gabi who always seems to have either its tail or ear within her chubby small hands. still, the puppy only sees it as a bunch of fun

Husband!Reiner isnt perfect, and definitely has so many flaws where he needs to fix up on but he’s trying and he really does love you so you’re okay with working him through all of that.

[vidyagamereference]

I just watched the cinimatherapy "10 things we hate about romcoms" video and ITS GIVING ME SOME THOUGHTS ON LEANDER

theory under the cut

OKAY SO!

in 50 shades of gray, twilight, like... every hallmark movie where the guy is the main pursuer (most of them), and SO MANY MORE!! it is stated by those who look at the relationship with a realistic lense that "if [male love interest] wasnt an attractive white gazillionare he would 100000% be in jail for this!"

Um.... who do we know who has a bouquet of red flags, is community confirmed sexy and desirable (even to people who dont like him), is untrustworthy (but only if you get close), has seemingly infinite money, helps out the community professionally, is professionally endorsed by THE FREE FUCKING DOCTOR, and is basically the sole reason that a "benevolent gang" like the cops 2 electric boogaloo: guards dont love me so I'll make my own Bloodhounds exist? BASICALLY MAKING HIM IMMUNE TO MOST IF NOT ALL CRITICISM AND CONSEQUENCES?????

His reputation is golden in the community from what we can see and infer but everyone close to him REFUSES to trust him and encourages others to do the same. Especially those who seem to have had previous romantic or "escapad" experience with him! Legit the only one who even TRIES to put in a good word (Kuras) is also the only one who seems unaware of him in any capacity other than "he sure is Leander. Dont trust him too much but you can ask him for help."

Mihn: possible ex, at minimum ex fuckbuddy, wont even try to talk to him. Leander is actively trying to get back in their good graces and they are NOT having it.

Ais: idk but they have HISTORY, have probably done it, and hate each other

Vere: may or may not have banged him, definitely has a personal grudge

Kuras: has never considered him as an option. Distant. Professionally reccomends him, but encourages you to not get too close

I think hes going to be a realistic romcom style love interest (threat)

Basically a socially acceptable yandere who "would never do that hes too sweet! Did you know his Bloodhounds saved my sons life? Yeah, so i really dont appreciate you spreading such rumors about him, he is a gift to this town."

So yea i think our slut may be wanted for more than thotting it up. I mean Has anyone seen his ex in the past since they broke up? How did he get my address and phone number? The power of love isnt an answer! how do i get a restraining order in Lowtown???? T-through him? Oh... hes been following me all day. Hes waiting for me outside my work isnt he. Please dont tell him when i get off shift I'm begging you - no i know he helped your grandma bu- NONO WAA-heeeyyyy Leanderrr youre heerre!!! whaaaat? Ihadnoidea haha (im in danger)

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

Hey august i hope you have a great day💙 i was wondering, what are your top five favourite moments from good omens? :)

ohhh sonny why would you DO THIS TO ME!!!!! my response got overloaded and DELETED before i could finish this WHY!!!!!! gonna try and replicate best i can </3 also sorry this took so long, ive been agonizing over it for. So Long

okay lets start…. 5) the first one isnt a scene or moment so much as its a line. let me quote here for you:

"Three very crowded hours went past. They involved quite a lot of phone calls, telexes, and faxes. Twenty-seven people were got out of bed in quick succession and they got another fifty-three out of bed, because if there is one thing a man wants to know what he's woken up in a panic at 4:00 A.M, it's that he's not alone." (page 132).

look at the italics stuff. its so funny yet unintentionally heartwarming and romantic. i dont why its affecting me so much bro. ALSO. the second i read that the first time i took out my pen and annotated it to connect to our darling duo 😃 like god okay . sure. a demon who always sleep and is rightfully paranoid having someone to wake up when things go bump in the night.... 😭😭😭 its just so beautiful. hopeful even. this is never gonna leave me ever

4) the drunken bookshop interaction 11 Years Ago, but specifically the book's version because its so much sillier yet heavier. they have their silliness that makes it THEM but also talking about the end of the world in such a vulnerable state…. it also has the bird wearing down its beak on the mountain story, which i will never fucking get over ever. they're so!!!! comfortable!!! unguarded!!! while discussing the nature of their very existence!!!!! UGDHDH I COULD TALJ FOR HOURS but i musnt. im trying to make this quick

3) uhmmm this one waspretty hard but watching wee morag die, somehow. aziraphale's heavy "im going to save her" and he's TOO LATE?!!?! AND CROWLEY'S SOFT"aziraphale-" ITS JUST SO HARD TOWACTCH... and the score behind it too.. utter madness. utter MADNESS

2) the final fifteen, naturally. the feelings. the implications. we've known each other for a long time. we could be together. Gay. staring from across the road aa he makes the decision that will tear the two of them apart. and, ironically, DESPITE all that, you know the thing tbat gets me after ALL THAT?? after he leaves . crowley looks around. to nina, to maggie, to muriel. and he kinda has this expression on his face like "well, that's that then." resigned. kinda like an "oh, well." but. when he gets into that car. all of that masking and bravado just FALLS. and he's there. and he's clutching the wheel. and he is so done. AND HE DRIVES OFF. THATS WHAT GETS ME . NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I MIGHT WATCH THAT FINALE, ITS THAT MOMENT THAT ALWAYS GETS THE TEARS TO DOUBLE.

1) this is a nice tie in honestly, but the cold open of season 2 is MY LOVE!!!!! especially with the context of what's to come for them. their very first goddamned meeting.......creating the stars, spinning the crank, "this is all going to shut down in 6000 years", "what trouble can i get into just for asking a few questions".. EVEEYTHING, DELICATE ANGEL. EVERYTHING

[gobstoppr]

Okay but in all seriousness the way you use color just shifts something in my brain whenever I see it, ESPECIALLY when you choose vibrant colors for the entire piece or only add one vibrant color because just AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH the way I'm SOBBING every time because it's so damn good

Also when you opt for more pastel colors????? It's been a while but back during ✨️our Kirby days✨️ you posted an art piece of Meta Knight sitting in the moonlight and just. The lines, the moon popping out thanks to the limited color pallet, the pastels, the way you made him So Fucking Shaped. It's literally the first thing that comes to my mind whenever I think of Meta. It's just such a stunning artwork like hhhhnnnnggggggGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO GOOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE IT

AAGHHHHH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH

this made me smile sm

im rlly proud of that meta knight ur talking about.. it was originally a physical sketch but i liked it sm i turned it digital and then i got silly with the colors

ive always been proud of my colors, but in the past (like idk 7 years ago) i had a weird limited approach to things. i figured out the trick of like,, taking something whose base color is pink and shading with purple. and then that was all i would do, because it pretty consistently made stuff that was pleasing to look at

and i developed a bit on that sorta style for years until my spamton era happened. i started using mspaint a TON and it radically changed my approach to coloring. having to both go into a seperate menu to select colors AND having the black/white slider be required to color pick Made it so that i had to experiment a lot more. mess around, maybe try a lower saturation. and after a while i started getting obsessed with grey tones.

my old old art was all super colorful, but in a sorta predictable way. its nice but didnt leave much of an impression

but in like my current era i use a lot of toned down colors. desaturated, greyish in betweens, playing with warm greys v cool greys, actually appreciating complementary colors

butyeah thats all to say. uh. i like colors a lot and i think about them alot

there r always new ways to approach coloring something and u can make some crazy stuff

ill admit that i feel like alot of my doodles n stuff look a little samey atm. u can tell what colors i default to when im feelin lazy lmao (cream, teal, green, warm pink, etc. all desaturated of course) but then again i havent been drawing much lately, the sample size isnt super big

i wanna make more shit i just never have the ideas or motivation.. i jsut end up doodling fish furries lol

uh i got distracted. anyways. thank u sm.....

[magnoliamyrrh]

@osmanthusleaf djdks im so sorry for replying in post i didnt wanna cut this up into a million bits, uve not even got to read all this cuz its long ive just got a lot going through my mind and im bad at shutting up once my brain starts going sorry 😭

for sure & well said. i fully agree, and understand having more care and knowledge for your own peoples issues, its natural; like u know example apart from ur own ex., i do know and have looked into the sex trafficking situation in the rest of the world and it horrifies me just as much and it is all connected, but end of the day, i understand most and focus most on the issues in my area and thats what i can give my two cents on more than anything. or, yea, i know abt plenty of things going on around the world, but theres also Tons that i have no clue on and overall i end up knowing more and spending more time on mostly things that i have some sort of personal connection to, like even this thing which i spend time on cuz of my own trauma; were all bound to be more immediately concerned if our own house is burning down w us in it than if the house a mile away also is, and were bound to be more interesting in why our own house burned down and who burned it down than the one a mile away, especially if the two arent connected directly. its past a point impossible for the psyche to b up to date w so much info, especially so much info on bad shit, to keep track of all of it and to feel something about all of it all the time.... if anything, i think the constant info on bad stuff everywhere happening which,,, for the most part we can do little on, is part of whats made our generations more doomful, hopeless, and lost - end of the day its good to care, but weve just got to pick some things in particular to rly care abt and if we can, try to understand them and do something about them, and hope if enough ppl do that for enough things they care about while working together, things may get better...... but also, if u say u care abt some issue, i reckon its important to care too abt other ppl caught up in it, even if its not a main focus and not dismiss it bc its not ur own shit directly 🤷‍♀️

i guess yea, the lack of knowledge isnt what bothers me at all bc god knows we all lack knowledge of plenty of things and frankly we kinda have to for our sanity. its the attitude that does and we all do it too often. like some while ago i was telling my mom u know, we (in broad ethnic&national terms) have some sort of responsability to the ppl that have been opressed in our lands and still deal w the consequences and weve got to care abt that history and struggle, not even in a sins of the ancestors way but in a we all have to try to be better way, and her first reply before we talked more was, well, whose going to help us and pay us back for communism, or serfdom, or imperialism, or slavery, or poverty? and havent we got enough of our own issues? and its like yea 😭 the world isnt fair and theres endless cycles of ppl fucking each other over and its a lot, which is why we have to try to just be kind and decent and help each other and rise each other up and come together as hard as it may be and as endlessly annoying this species may be 😭 and weve got to spend more time on how were similar and can understand each other, rather than always predominantly looking at differences, or pointing fingers, or giving in fully to our good old tribalistic mentality. theres gotta b a balance and id like to think and hope, if we tried, we'd indeed find out in many regards we are more similar than we are different, and all more connected than apart ..... if anything, i think thats something that the loss of spirituality in the "modern" world hasnt helped, bc it was one of those things which bound us to universality and connection

and yea, part of it definetely is social media and also current academia and the general cultural mindsets floating around, theres a whole lot of boiling down of super complex shit into short tidbits or black and white things, bc its easier to digest and faster (also, that overboard american centrism that goes beyond being concerned w ur own stuff, while the rest of the world has to know abt the us). i think too, were all bound to have reactionary and defensive attitudes to things especially when dealing w years of shit from ppl, and when we hold a lot of pain and anger, and it leads too to ppl taking things in bad faith which is something ive dealt w too and had to learn to hold myself back on, bc ive definetely got a tendency for it for sure... and its frankly a whole lot easier to point fingers endlessly or to play the opression olympics than look at the god awful messy complexity of it all and how were all caught up w it,, and frankly, i reckon that it feels better to an extent too... it feels/safer/ and simpler i think, than to say, oh god, has truly this whole species been capable of so much hororr? is there nowhere that was or is good, and pure, and untained, and truly a lot better?.. and its i reckon nicer too, to think of things in terms of purely victim and victimizer, than to think abt how plenty of us, most ppl throughout histoy actually if looking at it systemically, have been as u said, a messy contradiction of both....and uhh what's that bible quote, why are u pointing out the spec in your neighbors eye, but not the log in your own? take the log out of your own, and then you may help your neighbor w the spec. and yet, we just dont like doing that much as humans cuz its harder and uncomfortable, its something we have to force ourselves to do and train ourselves for. and unfortunately its not something that is taught very much either

,,,, and yea on top of that too youre definetely right, ethnicity and race and even culture especially in regards to opression and historical and current day dynamics (especially on an international scale) are so incredibly messy, changing, and mostly a whole bunch of stuff weve made up and keep making up and changing all the time and choosing to define ourselves by or to oppose or imposing on other ppl, that it is hard shit to keep track of and detangle. ur example is a good one and in some ways the same sure can be said for the balkans, the question of if were white or not and to who and where and why and when could go on forever, and our history sure has been when taken as a whole, as both opressed and opressor. america too in particular focuses a lot on race (where u could say other parts of the world might focus more on ethnicity, tribe, religion, or class, even nationalism etc, and as far as ill say, i think we need to focus more on class here), and its had a particular kind of rigid understanding of it, and i know from talking to ppl born here in academia and outside and online and whatnot, that a lot of ppl are surprised to find out how ethnicity and race and racism xenophobia and all that shit are different in even south america for a closer exmaple, but in the whole world in general 🤷‍♀️ which aint an issue at all cuz again theres shit we all dont know, but ive also seen plenty of ppl b past surprised or confused, trying to impose us understandings of shit elsewhere... and also, yea, we get focused on things here to the point where its forgotten in a lot of things what it means that were also living in the imperial core at the same time, especially in america

,, , , , i guess w my complaining abt this sort of stuff broadly speaking, it mostly bothers me tbh when i see it come from ppl who do position themselves as like,,,, social thinkers, social activists, or ppl who look into all this and care and speak about it, as self proclaimed educators for others especially, or as some form of academic. not neccessarly like random ppl who occasionally talk on things or vent frustrations or whatnot (cuz also, we all talk abt things casually we havent spend idk how much time on thinking abt or knowing extensively abt)....,,, bc when u say ur that or hold urself up to that, or say u know youre talking or doing whatever to teach ppl or try to help society be better then... welp,,,,, theres a certain responsability (?) and need to try to hold urself up to that ... and i guess yea, its also my personal thing bc after idk a lifetime of always being fascinated w messy complexities and years of cultural anthropology, my brains very focused and fascinated by complexity and contradiction and endless webs of connections 🤷‍♀️ and it does bother me when ppl want to throw around their degrees or education (which dont even matter all that much, plenty of ppl with degrees who dont think too well, and plenty of ppl without them who could run circles around me when im having a good day) or even their own self taught info, and they want to say theyre ppl who generally care abt opression or theyre caring ppl or theyre better than others or whatnot, as a way to say ppl should listen to them and they know better dont uhhh,,,,, , , take the time to really,, think too much abt what theyre saying and educating on and if its actually helpful

[ankhisms]

have experienced what feels like 800 emotions in rapid succession on a rollercoaster today and it hasnt even really been a bad day honestly or anything im fine you know how it is

my mood swings have just been a lot stronger than they usually are since thats one of the biggest things my meds are for theyre like supposed to be a mood swing stabelizer but anyway

something that im aware is related to my more severe paranoia and obsessive compulsive issues but is less severe and more just adjacent to those is like being scared that im somehow a hypocrite about various random things or that im somehow secretly an awful horrible person who hurts people and does bad things without me even realizing that im doing that. im also aware that this very much stems from the way my abuser treated me and also the behavior of ""friends"" i had when i was younger who just now as im older i realize honestly didnt even like me and kept me around to make fun of me and be cruel to me together as a kind of group bonding thing.

which sucks because when im doing self soothing techniques and trying to calm myself down or even just approaching these thoughts and talking myself thru things it can be hard to counter the fear of "what if my friends or people i know in general actually talk together about how im an awful person and they hate me or talk together about how ive done something wrong without telling me?" with "no thats not fair or true and not based in reality" because it very much WAS reality for me. not in the sense of me having done something "wrong" in the past with those ""friends"" but like them being cruel to me and making fun of me when i wasnt around and the things i did ""wrong"" were just my autistic traits and other symptoms of my various mental things especially during that period of my life where i was completely unmedicated and had just gotten away from my abuser and was still in the awful school environment of being harrassed every single day.

anyway its really like. i know i shouldnt worry about this, rationally i know this. but just because i know something isnt rational it doesnt make my brain stop obsessively thinking about it so its like i could see someone saying "i hate when people go to the moon and jump up and down and sing the abcs" (ridiculous example bc i cant think of anything else) and i could at first go oh yeah i get that and like their post but then my brain will go but what if ive done that without realizing it and they see me liking their post and they go "ugh rey this post is about YOU and people like you and youre such a hypocrite and dont even know it" and the spiral begins. and in the end i guess all of this just goes to show that having people pretend to be friends with you only to hate you and ridicule you and pick apart every little thing you do behind your back really fucks you up.

also thinking about the ex close friend who cut me off out of nowhere with no explanation for seemingly no reason about a year or so ago now and ive continued to have kind of taking off the rose tinted glasses moments where i loved and cherished this friend so much that i excused how shitty they treated me at different times. not at all saying they are or were a bad person or that there was any abuse going on or anything like that but im just realizing that we both come from dysfunctional abusive families and we both have our own physical and mental problems and so throughout our friendship we both mightve not made the best choices or couldve handled things better and im not exempt from that. but also i realized that he would not tell me if i had done something to upset him and it would be like a guessing game for me and would really stress me out and make me feel awful

and its like. now as im older i would want to be able to talk things out and understand what had happened and be able to apologize and work on doing better. and in general thats something i really try my best on like i think in the past i would really get stuck in obsessively overthinking in self analyzing and get into moral obsessive compulsive spirals that just ended up hurting myself more than helping me grow, and anyway i always want to be able to step back and look at myself and my actions and be willing to listen if someone tells me ive done something hurtful or that i need to re-examine my behavior and beliefs, i think im pretty good at listening to people about stuff like that and have gotten much better about not falling into those spirals i just mentioned and examining myself in smaller healthier doses

but at the same time i do really get worried that people just arent telling me that theyre upset with me or that ive done something wrong or hurt them in some way. i really just want to be a good friend to people and i dont want people to be scared of coming to me and talking with me if ive done something to hurt them or to just talk about things with me in general and i dont want people to think im so fragile and mentally fucked up that theyd be scared of upsetting me by telling me id done something hurtful and letting it fester instead. i dont want to hurt people i want to spend my life making people happy and helping people and being a good friend, thats what i want most out of my relationships in life overall. i want to make people feel content and happy and safe.

but idk i just get scared. please be honest with me be upfront with me be blunt with me even i know im traumatized but i wont shatter into a million pieces if you tell me youre upset with me ill appreciate you being honest about it and ill stop whatever it was i was doing or work on it. i know im bad with social cues bc of autism and if i misunderstand something or say something inappropriate/out of my lane due to this please just tell me yknow

i really hate that my brain is like this and that having been abused and mistreated in the past has made me struggle like this because i want to trust that people arent talking badly about me or angry with me secretly i dont want to be so paranoid i dont want people to feel like they cant be honest with me or that im made of glass and that ill shatter if they tell me theyre upset with me, i want to trust that the people in my life like me and dont secretly hate me and im really trying hard but paranoia isnt something i can just magically wave away yknow its something im probably going to be dealing with for most of my life and im always kind of scared that people are going to get tired of my paranoia

despite living in survival mode constantly i still love all the people in my life a lot and i just want everyone to be happy and safe and i always wish there was more i could do to help everyone and i want everyone to be able to thrive and to be living comfortably and have all their needs met and to get all the help they need i love everyone a lot i want everyone to be okay and yeah

have also been majorly overthinking about if i want to do something that im being vague about as i ramble about it which i know is silly and its not even like something bad or negative but i just keep overthinking about the possible what if scenarios of oh what if i do this and they react really badly and cut me off and never want to talk to me again and due to this im also unfortunately like overthinking most things recently and being even MORE scared than usual of coming off as weird or being weird and making people uncomfortable but aint that just the way yknow. ill either do it or ill be a coward

anyway besides that my days been pretty decent its a lovely early autumn day. after typing this all i realized im probably feeling super emotional and weird because i just started my period lmao but thanks if you read this i love u mwah

[jjkrereadlb]

ok some random thoughts from the past few days that im not gonna tag with any specific chapter bc fuck knows i dont wanna go back and check the numbers lmao

When nanami dies in front of yuuji, as he is telling him his last words (“yuuji, youve got it from here”) he thinks to himself “no dont say that, it’ll just turn into a curse for him.” I think HE personally meant it metaphorically but its eerily similar to what his grandpa told him before he died (he said something along the lines of “live well help people blablabla… im giving you this curse”). So while non-sorcerers cant turn directly into curses (rather the small amounts of CE they leak out accumulates to become curses, over time and with many people), AND we didn’t see nanami turn into a curse (also bc hes not the type of guy to resent dying, we literallysaw him be bitter but ultimately at peace with the decisions that brought him to his death), its still potentially relevant how now more than one persons “dying wish” has “cursed” yuuji.

Do megumi’s shikigami count as parts of his soul? he didn’t feel the white dog die in the jail so obviously theyre not like a part of him or anything, but if for instance mahito touched idk the dog, would he be able to do idle transfiguration through it? the rship btw a shikigami and its user is still sort of opaque. For instance, geto tried to absorb the worm that toji used to store his weapons but he failed, and in the ch notes gege says its because toji had already established a “master-servant” relationship with it. I dont think that’s through a binding vow necessarily (can a curse without higher intelligence and language even enter a BV?) but still some sort of pact was done, which apparently doesn’t necessarily require CE as toji was able to do it. Then theres for instance yuuta & Rika1. In the fanbook gege says rika is able to see what yuuta sees even if they’re apart, though the opposite is not true (Y cant see what R sees). But still some sort of connection exists there. So would mahito be able to do IT by touching rika? Could he do it to Yaga through one of his cursed dolls? obv this isn’t especially relevant re: mahito bc hes dead lol, but im willing to bet that the minute details of this kind of thing will come up with the sukuna & megumi situation we have on our hands. I cant help but notice that almost every main character has either fought mahito outright or at least met him, with the GLARING exception of megumi, who through various circumstances is never around when mahito shows up. I wonder if thats bc gege is hiding something about the way 10s interacts with the soul. Hmmmm.

One thing thats been puzzling me is that we’re told that when gojo was born the balance of the world was altered bc he was so strong etcetc, so curses started getting much more powerful/higher In level. At the same time though, during the early manga, everytime one of our characters meets someone from the kenjaku squad, or even a finger bearer, they ALWAYS comment on how crazy powerful these curses are and isnt it weird how much stronger curses are these days, like you get the impression that they’re mostly used to dealing with grade 2s and below. So what is the truth???

[foryouthegays]

things that freak me the fuck out, as someone with emetophobia:

obviously gagging, vomiting, talking about it, etc

bathrooms, especially at night

movement at night (most times ive been around people throwing up has been at night)

eating

cars

roller coasters (which sucks bc theyre so fun but i cant be around people)

boats (obviously)

burping

hot flashes/cold flashes/sudden sweats

excess saliva (this one sucks bc its also a hunger sign/abt to eat sign and its like oh boy i sure am hungry! [creates saliva to help digest] oh fuck no i am not going to eat i refuse i cant do this (doesnt eat for two days)

the feeling of hunger (v similar to stomach ache which could be a throwing up sign)

exercise

anyone leaving suddenly

greasy food

sugar

the color light green--not suuuuper big deal for me but our barf bowl is a light green color and it stresses me out sometimes

large food particles suspended in liquid that is not meant to be consumed (aka like .washing dishes)

new restaurants

ginger/ginger candy--this ones fun bc ginger helps, but im so used to ginger candy being associated with throwing up that it scares me to be around sometimes. which sucks bc ginger candy fucking rules

saltine crackers--same as prev

mint--same as prev

laughing too hard/crying too hard. begging society to get rid of the phrases laughed/cried so hard i threw up pleasseeeeeeeeee i hate it here

coughing

clearing throat

brushing teeth

flossing

really just anything going in ur mouth

swallowing anything gross (food u dont like, meds, etc)

carrots and peas (childhood friend commented that u always see carrots and peas in throw up even if u havent eaten it recently. this isnt a big one for me but if i feel even a Little not good it is hard to eat)

any food ive known to be recalled (lettuce is a big one) in the past

alcohol

new meds/meds in general tbh

rice (was badly sick after eating rice. rice was unrelated but was most of what i was throwing up)

anxiety (make stomach hurt -> stomach hurt = throw up) (this ones a fun cycle)

pretty much any movie/show/media that involves eating in Any way (this is why i was so hesitant to start reading dungeon meshi--a lot of media that has food also has throwing up as a comedic effect. it does too :3 in the first like five pages :3 sobbing and crying

actually pretty much any media .throwing up is a shorthand for comedy so often i dont GET IT

this isnt even like half of it this is just what i could think of in like five minutes .this was a fun exercise

[catboyzilla]

all my friends said i deserved better or that i was too good for him but i never believed it, i still dont, i hate being a teenager, ill never forget him holding my face and staring into my eyes telling me how beautiful i am, hopefully one day someone will look at me like that again but i doubt it. my body is forever going to be his, he took my first kiss, my virginity, my heart, my brain, i dont know if ill recover. he was the reason i believed i could get through it all, i mean he was so strong and such a better person than me, maybe i could be strong too. bpd fucking sucks. i panic and i ruin everything i have. i just want him to know im sorry but now i dont even have a chance to say it. i fucked up. i just want him to hold me again and tell me its all alright. we always got along better face to face anyway. my friends are telling me to js get over it but how? how do you get over someone that made you feel like you were so special, like you were the first person who made them actually happy, like you were finally getting to experience true, actual love? if he sees this, i know hes going to call me clingy and make fun of me, but i hope he knows ill always talk good about him. i look past his screw ups, i see the person he could have truly been. maybe, one day, he will be happy and carefree. maybe one day he will finally have a good relationship with his family. i dont know if he will ever come back, especially with how much i fucked it up. i just have the slightest hope he will, maybe thats all i need. maybe its not. at this point, im letting the universe handle it. i cant be forced to fight and fight for someone that doesnt want to fight for me. someone who cant, at all, feel bad for other people. i hope he realizes one day that he isnt the best person in the universe, hes not a bad person but he has many faults, yet i still loved him despite that. i hope he finds someone who loves him despite that. i dont know if he will. for now, ill keep the only memories i have of him and cling to them. ill keep the things he gave me and cling onto them. ill keep the broken heart he gave me and cling onto that. ill keep the kisses and the cuddles and the love i remember so dearly and cling onto that. ive seen what true hate looks like in peoples eyes, ive always seen it throughout my whole life. my parents have looked at me with the most hate they have in their eyes, my siblings, friends, peers. yet, he looked at me with love. that love, in his eyes, it wasnt piercing. it was calm and sweet. it was soft and warm. i dont know if ill ever find someone that lovely again. i hope he keeps my stuff safe, i hope he doesnt tear down the drawing i made him and the letter up. i hope he keeps all the small things. i hope he keeps our memories and i hope he keeps at least a little love in his heart. i wish things didnt turn out this way, i wish this stuff wasnt so stressful. in fact, this has to be the most stressful thing that happened. i wish so many things. i wish i could go back in time and just stop it. i wish i could stop the moments i had with him and just relive them over and over. i wish the hate he has washes away and he realizes that life doesn't have to be so difficult. maybe none of my wishes will come true, maybe they will. im so uncertain on the future, its so scary. i could die tomorrow but i wouldnt know. if i did, i wouldnt want the last things i said to him to be my attempt at desperation and fear. i would want him to know that i loved him so dearly, more dearly than ive loved another person, animal, thing. i would want him to know that hes going to to get through it, he cant give it up. he has to keep on fighting, dont let everything get him down. let the negatives become positives. dont run away from your problems and responsibilities, it makes them worse. one day, when you face them, just keep remembering that i believe in you and i have put all my hope into you. i believe that you will get better, i believe you will keep fighting a tough fight. i believe that no matter what, its possible to get through it. i love you.

[ardate]

(I hope this is okay to rb, lmk if you prefer me to delete this <3)

A bit sleep deprived so bear with me, I hope this will make sense. I just caught up and wanted to say.. I understand the disconnection that you're experiencing.

I find that a lot of my past creative joys relied on active fandoms and good interactions with people, but it feels like a lot of those parts of the 'old' internet have vanished- replacing active interactions with passive consumption, and so you end up screaming into the void a lot hoping some people might answer. It is even more so the case when life gets in the way and you can't/don't feel like being super active online anymore. And it def isn’t helped when what made you vibrate is technically still here but in a different way than before. Things and people move on. You feel a little stranded. And life is a big part of it too- I've been here long enough to see you get buried under work from studies to job hunting and fuck if this doesn't resonate with me just as loud. All of this to start off saying: I understand, you're not alone.

Now for perhaps a little hope in your dismay: nothing is ever set in stone, good or bad. I once had an art block that lasted nearly two years, the kind where you can't do even the smallest thing, and I thought art had just left me and wouldn't come back. But I wanted it to, and thus one day, it did. If you want it, your passion will find its way back to you in time- and if you find your happiness elsewhere and genuinely don't need to draw anymore - your rr boys or otherwise - then it isnt a loss either. It can be hard esp as artists because we tend to tie our identities to what we do ("people know me as the artistic one" that kind of thing) but what matters is what you find your life fulfilled with. It can also be exciting to find new joys. And funnily enough it can also bring us right back to art as a result. Life is funny like that.

I get that weird mix of guilt and shame that comes with keeping the same specific interest for a long time, not moving on and ending up feeling like you're 'stuck in your ways'. Fandom moves on faster than ever before which only exacerbates this feeling, but as you justly say it isn’t a fair way to think; there is no expiration date to those things and no cops to stop you from getting your serotonin from whatever brings it. Though I guess that doesn't offer relief from that specific grief of finding that an old interest doesn't bring the same joy it used to. That's the sort of thing that can be helped with like-minded people to get the interest back on track but it isnt always easy to find.

I miss tumblr as its busy, buzzing world full of hyperactive creatives. The website is still alive but the culture has changed. It's still not something I'm over. But thankfully, nowadays most of my need for this has been fulfilled with discord. I realize it's not always easy especially for introverts, but servers with good people can do a lot with rekindling passion- be it for art or old interests or long lasting ones. Man, my rayman interest would have stifled years ago if I didnt have my funny little corner with good trusted friends. I hope you find people to bring back some of that fire if you miss it. Just gotta take the risk to reach out to new folks and see where it goes, maybe.

I guess this is saying a lot and not much at the same time. I suppose ultimately, I'm simply holding your hand in sympathy. Your struggle is true and shared by others, and also it's not the end if you don't want it to be. Or if you want it to, it can be an end, to be a new beginning altogether. Either way, I wish for soft and kinder days for you. I'm there if you ever want to ramble about anything. 💜

i can't help but feel like my drawing days are kind of over. not entirely, i'll still be drawing from time to time. and deffo not because i want to. but i'm having this exact same feeling since mid 2022, since i was really struggling with my elective period, i kind of disconnected with art there and never truly found my way back. on top of everything that came after - moving, starting a job and working to be good at it which leaves such little room for other things because i can't handle my life well - there is just so much horrible shit going on. and i'm having a hard time comprehending it.

a part of me also feels very stupid for drawing one thing for almost 4 years now constantly, but another part of me knows "hey, but this makes you happy". it's a constant battle in my head because online spaces are like school grounds, and i don't actually wanna stand in the corner as that one kid that just can't shut up about that one character. but then again all i ever did was drawing fanart so... what does it. who gives a shit. be cringe and be free alright. but it kinda feels so hollow, esp. when you're at it for so long. a lot of mutuals move on. some are not even active anymore anywhere. and i wonder what happened. plus a huge chunk of the tone of the fandom has changed. also with the source material getting butchered so hard (since the release of ow2) it just kills the fun. playing this game used to be fun. playing this game was one thing that helped me getting through the last meters of university. it's like watching the downfall of the simpsons again without making the comparison too set in stone, just... this thing that used to be decent and nice and watching it getting ruined in real time (broken promises about pve, the recent gameplay changes?? the lore was fucked up from the start but they kind of tried, now it's just skins for 20+ dollars) while still having feelings for the characters is shit. anyway...

i recently went through a big folder of stuff i'd drawn at the age of 12-15 and there were so many fucked up but cool monster and cyborgs designs and just silly stupid stuff and all i could think of was that i felt so distanced from it, like i don't even know i think this is normal? because a lot of time has passed and a lot has happened and i knew i've drawn all this but i wasn't able to locate the person who did in my present me now and... it's just so normal that things move constantly forward but i feel like i missed huge chunks and passed a few stops and now i'm kind of lost.

i don't even know what i'm trying to say here anymore. i just feel sad because it feels like sth is slipping out of my grasp or sth has changed tremendously and i don't know how to make damage control.

i keep trying tho, i try to draw once a week at least. it's just like as soon as i take a step back and look at it i don't feel it at all. gonna continue tho, until it makes sense again i hope.

[duckugou]

golden

Kenma x GN!reader

Im trying to stray away from my comfort zone of just writing readers that use she/her so bear with me

sorry if this lowkey sucks but it was inspired by harry styles song golden

cw: big cursing, huge fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, comfort, aged up!

come to my asks to be a part of my taglist! just let me know what kinds of fics/ what fandom/ what characters/ etc you want to be tagged in!

Requests are open!!

-------------------------------------

Being a streamer comes with perks. Being comfy at home, not having to face people in real life every day, playing games, typical shit. Another perk is making good friends.

Meeting people on a voice chat is common for Kenma -guys and gals alike. What he wasnt expecting one night was the sweetest voice on the other end of his headphones.

"You're all fucks- I'm better at this game than all of you combined. Try me."

To think that was the sentence that made Kenma's ears perk up and burn.

"What the hell ever- we have the great Kodzuken on our side." One of the guys said, half joking half dead serious.

"Oh yeah, he isn't even speaking up to defend your pussy asses- probably knows I could beat him too." You could hear the smirk in that last part.

"U-uh, no. You can't beat me. Nobody can actually. Not at this game." Kenma rebutted , confident in his gaming skills but not so much his speaking skills to this stranger.

"Oh man, you certainly sound confident. Come on, Kodzuken- 1v1 me then. Show me who the best really is."

Kenma suddenly felt nervous. Should he really demolish this stranger? Isn't it polite to let the person you like win? He didn't like this person yet but god their voice was attractive.

"Fine. Send the request." He decided.

"Sent, fucker."

The game resulted in a tie because this stranger actually knew what they were doing. They both threw friendly insults at each other the whole time of course, making each of them laugh a little.

"Okay fine. The great Kodzuken himself almost beat me. Im almost honored to have a great streamer almost beat me."

"Well you almost beat me too- uh-" Kenma stuttered over the fact that he didn't know how to address this stranger.

"Oh! Call me Y/n." The person giggled.

"You can uh, call me Kenma."

"Oh you don't want me to repeat your title over and over like everyone else?" They laughed.

"No, friends don't call me that. They use my name name." His ears were burning.

"Friends, huh? Guess that means you owe me your number so we can schedule a rematch where I can properly beat your ass."

"Huh, guess so."

A few months had gone by and Y/n and Kenma were as close as they could be. They found out they live close by each other and began hanging out a lot.

Y/n would be in the back of his streams on occasion and wouldn't hesitate to speak up during them. Thats the thing about Y/n. They've always been so outspoken. Since the start. Everything they talk about comes so easy to Y/n. Nothing is held back. Kenma knows everything about them. He on the other hand is still a bit closed off. Quiet. The two are so opposite yet so alike. Kenma doesn't speak much about himself, opting to listen.

Especially when talking about past relationships.

One night, they were sat in Kenmas room in separate chairs, letting conversations flow.

"So, you've dated but why have the relationships ended?" Y/n asked.

"Ah, I dont know- its not important. Why did yours end?" Kenma flipped the question as he always does.

"One guy cheated," Y/n tossed a piece of popcorn in the air, missing their mouth and brushing it off. "One girl left because she was leaving for school, and one guy just didn't mesh with me. Your turn." Y/n pushed the question back.

"Uh- well. I don't click with people easily. I'm pretty closed off so when I date it usually ends in hurt feelings by accident or they get sick of me." Kenma finally admitted.

"Huh." Y/n flopped onto their stomach on the bed after setting down the popcorn. "Don't you like anyone though? Like- if you liked someone enough, do you think you would give opening up a shot?"

"I mean I guess. Nobody ever takes the time to...pry me open." That got a laugh out of Y/n. Good. "But yeah I do like someone."

Sitting up suddenly, Y/n became visibly excited.

"TELL ME WHO."

"No god no- it isnt important." Kenmas ears burned again.

"Come onnnnn. Its gotta be someone big time cool to earn your heart. I have to approve."

Y/n pulled Kenma from his chair to the bed, not letting go of his hand as he sat down.

"Theyre very cool- and very sweet. Understanding. Someone who stands up for me and makes me comfortable-" Kenma began gushing.

"Do I know them?" Y/n interrupted.

"Y-yeah. You sure do." Kenma scratched the back of his neck.

"Oooh ok, a guessing game. Describe them more- their looks!" Y/n held his hand tighter, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"Well- ok." Kenma took a deep breath and decided he could be vague enough. "Theyre short. As short if not shorter than me. Competitive. Very cute smile-"

"TOO VAGUE give me the JUICY DETAILS" Y/n pushed.

"They uh- they have..pretty eyes." He was staring at this point, eyes wandering around Y/ns face to find more things to describe. "cute nose too I guess. Squishy cheeks. Glasse-"

"WHO THE HELL IS IT KENMA- its starting to sound like youre describing me." Y/n laughed.

"No- I'm totally not!" Kenma rushed.

"Tell this person you like them. You look so happy when you talk about them. Its kind of sickening."

"I can't just do that." Kenma stated flatly.

"Yeah you can."

"No-"

"DO ITTTT. Nothing to be scared of- it's CUTE. They would be dumb to not like you."

Kenma sighed, knowing he couldn't tell Y/n the truth about who he liked. What does he usually do when he's put in a corner like this? Oh thats right-

"Who do you like then Y/n?" He asked, proud of himself for deflecting again.

"Oh thats easy. You." Y/n said, letting go of his hand and laying back on the bed, leaving Kenma sitting up and stunned.

"What? No I mean a crush idiot. Who do you liiikkkeee?" Kenma pushed, hoping he didn't hear Y/n wrong.

"You, Kenma. I've had a crush since our first tie in a game. Thought that was obvious-"

Kenma flopped back on the bed as well. The both of them looking at each other.

"Oh. My person is uh... really... open and honest." Kenma said quietly.

"Is that why you wont tell them?" Y/n asked just as hushed.

"Yeah... what if right now they say yes but then their feelings change one day? That would hurt so bad. Worse than not telling them ever." He whispered.

There was silence. They knew what they both just admitted. Kenmas heart started racing. This might've fucked everything up. He might lose them. But they like him too so why is he so scared?

Y/n held his hand again.

"I know that youre scared because I'm so open...but hey... If you wanna give it a try..." Y/n whispered, scared about whether or not their honesty fucked them over.

"You might be right this time Y/n." Kenma whispered.

The space between them was closed due to both of them being drawn together like magnets in that moment. A sweet kiss.

"Let's try it then. I'll work on... being more open if you'd like." Kenma said.

"Kenma. I dont want you to change one bit. I like you the way you are."

Acceptance. It was the best thing Kenma has ever felt.

[mooifyourecows]

moo i’m so devastated with what america is going to turn into. it already was a shit show but now not only am i losing my right to bodily autonomy and i’m probably going to lose a lot more sooner than later. not only as a woman but also as a lesbian. i’ve seen things about how the supreme court might reverse same-sex marriage protection and i’m honestly prepared for the worst at this point. america is going to turn into hell for everyone in it and likely everyone around it.

I know it's all pretty bleak, but don't lose your hope. If one good thing will come from this nightmare, it's that the moderates and liberals who weren't radicalized before are going to be now. Voting isn't enough, but if we all work together to get leftist politicians into office and get rid of do nothing democrats like Nancy Pelosi, change IS possible

We just need to stay informed, stay mad, and stay hopeful that things can get better. Understand what things you CAN do and don't kill yourself over the things you can't. We flipped states in 2020 and we can flip even more now. Just support the people who lean the utmost to the left. The type of people that all your conservative relatives would call antifa extremists. That's who we need to replace the useless democrats stinking up congress and the senate

If we can get rid of the filibuster and electoral college, expand the court, and codify everything that should have been codified years ago (thanks Obama you useless liar)(biden still has a chance but its looking not good so we will also go ahead and file him under useless too), then we have a chance to make this country about half as good as they tried so hard to brainwash us it was

The younger generations are wising up. They've been radicalized earlier and in larger quantities than the ones who came before them. Every year a new wave of gen Z voters join the fight and you'll see that every year the old conservative incumbents will be replaced with younger, better people who actually give a shit.

I know it's not good enough. I HATE when useless democrats say "vote 😋" as a solution to our problems, especially in a country where the popular vote means nothing and the supreme court isnt elected by regular people. I know its fucking infuriating and ive been overwhelmed by all my rage and sadness the past few days. I want to riot and burn things down, drag our oppressors into the street and publicly execute them so that the change we deserve can happen TODAY. But we live in a horrifically militarized state and even peaceful protesting results in the brutality and death of innocent lives. so our dreams of justified bloodshed can't be so easily carried out

Stay mad though. Educate everyone around you. Help where you can. Remember that there are states where its still legal to get abortion access and there are resources to help people in need. Just stay safe and limit the amount of data they can steal from you in any way possible. Delete the apps that need to be deleted. Install Mozilla Firefox or other browser that ensures privacy. Get a VPN. Don't sign paperwork. Don't talk to the cops. Spread useful information to all your friends and neighbors and classmates and beyond.

Everything fucking sucks but things can always change