#anyway. gege i am in your walls

[peachylynnie]

when you have a crush on a fictional character

word count: 200-300 per lead contains: lads men x reader, established relationship, headcanons on crack, jealousy (they have beef with a fictional character), some plushies were harmed in the making of this post, lots of manga spoilers, cursing, violence, and links to images/videos (so you know what the characters look like) a/n: i had so much fun making this. it's ironic too since THEY'RE fictional. listen, it was either this or ur kpop bias (im missing taehyung like a mf). again, bc these are headcanons, i'm not saying i'm right. reblogs and comments are always appreciated! tagged: @vvintqz (another xavier headcanon) lads masterlist

xavier

gojo satoru from jujutsu kaisen (manga spoilers below)

thought you would enjoy the series since the two of you watch a lot of anime together

but now he regrets suggesting it.

he regrets mentioning the manga too

since the damned character wears a fucking compression shirt in the manga

he swears if he hears the words "my glorious blue eyed king" leave your mouth one more time

he's going to slice your gojo plushie into a million pieces with his sword (he thinks shoving it under the bed is already too much of a mercy)

why are there so many "no lube, no protection" comments under every gojo instagram post?

why are you liking every single one of them?! (you like them bc it's funny, but he is NOT amused)

will glare at you so hard if you ask him to cosplay

would honestly rather cosplay lumiere

this man is scowling whenever gojo appears on the screen

arms crossed, lips pouted, hand reaching for the sword type shit

turned off the TV when that one breathing scene came on (i had to link it)

jumped for joy when he died though lmao

never has he ever been so happy to see a literal body cut in half

you're just sitting there mortified while he's all sunshine and rainbows

he wants to find the author and give him a big hug

xavier 🤝 gege #1 gojo haters

zayne

sakusa kiyoomi from haikyuu (manga spoilers below)

he honestly doesn't know how to react at first

a volleyball player who acts like a jerk, has less than TWO minutes of screentime, and wears NEON attire? (he respects his obsession with hygiene though)

actually questions you at one point

"is that your type?" "do you want me to be like that?" "are you into volleyball players?"

you have to explain it's not like that at all, you just think he's cool

that assures him a bit

but when you start reading the manga

his worries return ten-fold

not only because the character appears more

but because the character doesn't wear neon anymore and has compression sleeves (that's HIS thing)

frowns when he looms over your shoulder

and sees you screenshot EVERY PANEL he appears in (is this a thing or am i the only one)

gets so confused as to why you're referring to the character as omi whenever you call your friend who's an atsumu girlie (i'm an osamu girlie)

he's half grateful the msby black jackals (he begrudgingly learned the team name from you) haven't been animated yet

his face is priceless when he walks into the shared bedroom

and sees a sakusa plushie there

wants to freeze it with his evol

instead he just awkwardly picks it up and makes it face the wall (he doesn't want to see you upset)

rafayel

brant from wuthering waves

"YOU LIKE A PIRATE WHEN THERE'S A WHOLE MERMAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?!"

he's so sulky and petty about it

bashes the character whenever he has the chance

"he's a pirate, i bet he smells bad."

"ew, why does he talk like that?"

"he can summon a giant anchor? big deal. i can summon an entire ocean."

you find this situation really funny

since the whole reason you like brant in the first place is BECAUSE he reminds you of rafayel

it's the theatrical mannerisms and flashy outfits (the sea too)

but you don't tell him that (he'll probably act more offended anyway)

whenever he catches you playing the game

he sighs dramatically and falls on the couch

head on your lap and trying to distract you from the game

"replaced by a stinky pirate, how could this be?"

"can't believe you're playing a game when there's a hot, rideable fishie right in front of you"

he's flabbergasted when you reach for your wallet

"wait, IT'S A GACHA GAME?!"

cue him running around with your wallet and you chasing after him

"no way, cutie. last time you spent like fifty dollars on identity v for some skin."

when you try to correct him that it was for a danganronpa collab (and that it was less than fifty dollars)

he snatches your phone

now he's running with both your wallet and your phone in hand

sylus

yomi from gokurakugai (manga spoilers below)

listen

you started the manga because the character LOOKS LIKE him (just hair down)

he has silver hair, red eyes, and composed mannerisms

literally when you see the panel of him appearing with a jacket hanging from his shoulders along with some slacks shoes

you have to sigh because

you are NOT beating the allegations

the "i have a type" allegations

sylus is honestly amused

see he would actually READ the manga

not even online

he would buy physical copies of it

and have it in your bookshelf

since he knows how much you HATE the pop-up ads on the website you use to read

also because he wants to see what you're so excited about

so imagine your face when you walk into your shared bedroom

and see your boyfriend in all of his gorgeous glory

wearing his signature bathrobe

a wine glass in one hand and...

THE MANGA IN ANOTHER?!

THE ONE WHERE YOMI IS ON THE COVER TOO?!

he chuckles at your dumbfounded expression before standing up and walking towards you (the manga's still in his hand btw)

"what's wrong, sweetie? i thought you liked this series, given how much you've searched for this character on pinterest."

you gulp when he pins his hand on the wall

"would you like me to wear my hair down?"

caleb

chrollo lucilfer from hunter x hunter (manga spoilers below)

see the other guys are...relatively grateful these characters are fictional

this guy actually WISHES this bastard of a character was real

why?

so he can plummet him into the ground

because why are you squealing every time this pale, grown ass man with a tattoo on his forehead and an open fur coat appears on the screen???

here's the thing

caleb was excited to start this show with you since he heard it's good

and it is!

he loves the nen system, has a soft spot for killua, and would honestly kill for gon

but now, whenever you suggest watching the show, he's grumbling and insisting you guys watch something else

he would rather die than tell you this

but one time

he slicked his hair back in front of the mirror to see if he looks like him (oh the aura loss)

he also read the manga

but only to see how often chrollo appears so he can be prepared

was excited for the hisoka vs. chrollo fight (since he's hoping the latter dies)

actually enjoyed it too since both characters used their abilities so creatively

threw his phone when hisoka lost

and punched your chrollo plushie with his metal arm

you made him buy you another one

a/n: not me exposing all of my fictional crushes. here are some other characters i considered: seba natsuki, kei uzuki (sakamoto days), levi ackerman (aot), phainon (hsr), yoru (gokurakugai), beom tae ha (tears on a withered flower), theo lapileon (my in laws are obsessed with me), shinso hitoshi, dabi (bnha), choso kamo (jjk) (my beloved), and reigen arataka (mp 100) (solely for shits and giggles).

[dyaz-stories]

Psst! Hey, Dyaz. Had you saw/read the new theory about jjk? It actually puts in context a lot of things in the latest chapters and honestly it blew my mind when I read it

Gonna put the link of the post here in case you want to read it. I'm gonna cry and scream so hard if that theory results to be true T-T

https://www.tumblr.com/thepersonperson/762115329999650816/why-the-hell-is-jjk-270-called-dreams-end?source=share

So I don't read theories because I've been around a while and I've gotten used to people making theories with tons of 'evidence' and then 99% of them end up not being true, and at this point it feels like we're just throwing stuff at the wall and trying to figure out what sticks.

With that being said, I'm never putting anything past Gege, and I am so serious in saying that this would be the worst possible ending as far as I'm concerned. My biggest criticism about Jujutsu Kaisen in recent chapters has been that it made me feel dumb for caring. I have actually been very positive about chapter 270 because of how human it felt. If it turns out that this was all in Yuuji/Megumi/whoever's mind, it's would feel like an absolute slap in the face to me.

If everyone dies and we just go to some meaningless fucking grimdark ending I'm so serious in saying that it's the kind of shit that would make me never interact with the fandom again. Like not reread the manga, not buy it, not follow the anime when it comes out again, I just genuinely would want nothing to do with it anymore, because what would have been the fucking point. I would also never touch anything he'd do ever again because if you care this little about your characters, your audience, and your story (because what would the meaning even BE if everyone was dead?? there's ONE chapter left, if that's what he's going for there's even LESS time to make something meaningful out of it), why would I?

Je vais même passer en français tellement ça m'énerve d'y penser parce que l'anglais ne me permet pas d'exprimer toute ma colère. Si jamais c'est ça qu'il se passe, j'aurais jamais été autant prise pour une conne par un manga. Genre tu me fais lire quasi 300 chapitres pour me cracher à la gueule en te marrant ? Mais mange tes putains de grands morts.

Anyway, sorry if this sounds agressive anon it's not against you AT ALL it's just that even just thinking about it makes me lose my shit. We'll see soon, but I'll probably be out of the fandom if that's what happens.

[hulijingemperor2]

Shackling Prison 📍

The scruffy, menacing former warlord was heavily chained in a cell, infested with a couple of rats. His hair and claws grew out over time, while his eyes were a mixture of reddish yellow. His chains are those that connect to the floor. Sometimes he would be chained to the wall if he misbehaved. He's also not allowed to roam the Prison yard like other inmates

Hoolay got to write his letters on paper that was brought to him by his "spies" who was just killed by Yao Huangdi

His buff figure vanished along with his strength. Anyways Yao Huangdi had ordered them to destroy his core in the past.

Hoolay: *mumbling* I wonder if, that Guangyao got my message.

Haha, pathetic emperor.

Su she: emperor Guangyao to you.

Mo xuanyu: you should have more respect than that. Yao Huangdi dislikes disrespect.

Xue yang: *cracking up* so this is the war criminal?!

He can't even break from his chains!

Open the cell.

Prison officers: *unlocks*

Hoolay: you insolent cultivator!! How dare you speak to me that way! I'm the most powerful Borisin leader!!

Xue yang: I don't care what you were.

Su she: you're absolutely disgusting, for what you did to innocent people. And you're so shameless to say that about my Huangdi.

Hoolay: but it's true!

It's true!!! Us Borisins will reign again! And destroy the Meng dynasty!

Down with your pathetic emperor, Rusong and his other children! And I will defame his empress Qin!

Su she: *punches him*

Xue yang: *points his knife at his throat* don't let me limgchi you, Hoolay. You don't know who I am.

Anyways, I won't cut your tongue yet.

Mo xuanyu: why do they keep targeting Qin jiejie.

Su she: because she's an imperial and diplomatic symbol. The female equivalent of an emperor.

She is the female Meng empire, and Meng shi taihou ordered all Meng empresses to be treated like goddesses.

I won't let him slander neither Huanghou nor Huangdi.

Hoolay: ahahahahaha! Pile of Shit!

where's your leader then?! Why isn't he here.

Is he a coward!

Let him face me!!!

Mo xuanyu: huh, yangyang. Even Yao gege's enemies want to see him.

Xue yang: cuz he's irresistible. Everyone wants a piece of Jiggy.

Su she: he has everyone wrapped around his finger, obviously.

Consider yourself lucky, you old scum!

Mo xuanyu: *ominously Caressed Hooolay's face* he deserves to be blinded.

Xue yang: *grinning* of course. He has no right to look at our master.

Su she: let's spare him. We'll torture him more, if Huangdi allows.

Hoolay: you three puppets could never do anything to me!! You have bark but no bite! Ahahahaha!!!

Mo xuanyu: Yao gege becomes amused when his criminals get harassed. Especially by team dimple.

Xue yang: but we're only here to teach you some manners.

*takes a seat on a bench* you are to respect our boss, got it! Bow and greet him.

You're the criminal and he's your huangdi!

Mo xuanyu: and if you dare curse him, we'll open back up the cell and severely

punish you. Got it. Darling?

~ Team dimple has their own tormenting style. Xue yang has more impulsive actions, while he's raw. He loves sugar, but he doesn't sugar coat anything. Mo xuanyu passive aggressive and almost "sweet" Lastly Su she is bitter, harsh and almost brutal to their enemies (as he should). He WILL treat their enemies like trash.

(For him, insolence equals punishment).

(Sorry Minshan, but you picked up Lan Qiren's intolerance to disrespect 😭. At least it's for a good cause. It's to protect Yao Huangdi~ the Moling Su sect is also known for the same intolerance, as they were assasins from the beginning. They do things swiftly)

Su she: he thinks he could defeat the emperor.

Dude, you're already defeated.

Hoolay: and you think your Huangdi cares about you?! The cunning Hulijing is obviously using you! Come on the Borisin side

Xue yang: f*ck no.

Mo xuanyu: our Yao gege doesn't use us! Watch your words!

Xue yang: we're not interested in your nasty Borisins, and their flees.

Mo xuanyu: Yao gege and his hulijings are gorgeous compared to you disastrous creatures!

Hoolay: you'll still be powerful when I become Huangdi!

Xue yang: *laughing* when you become Huangdi! Has he gone mad??

Su she: *grabs him by his neck*

Hoolay: *tries to push him away with his arm.

Su she: heyy scum!! Stay put! *squeezes his neck tighter*

Xue yang: ahahahaha! Hoolay, you're wasting your qi. Oh right, you don't gave a core. Ahahahaha!!!

Mo xuanyu: better become a shopkeeper instead.

Hoolay: I'll tear you into shreds!! Get away from me, team dimple!!!

Mo xuanyu: speaking of shreds.

I really admire your claws.

Hoolay: I'll stab you with them!

Su she: Chengmei. Break them.

Xue yang: will do. I'm gonna use a knife.

Hoolay: *screaming and grunting*

Xue yang: shut up!!

Su she: it will hurt a little.

But unfortunately, they may not grow back.

Hoolay: that's my only defense, you fools!

Su she: so?

Xue yang: you don't need them!

HERE COMES HUANGDI!!!!

*Horns and Xianzhou drums play.*

Thereafter, the Cloud Knights placed a chair near a cell, if Huangdi desires to sit.

Yao: team dimple. *closes fan*

Team dimple: huangdi!!

Hoolay: yea, run to your master! Hahahaha!

Cloud Knights: *closed his cell*

Yao: I see you have become familiar with this disgraceful creature.

And the disgraceful creature got to meet my team dimple.

Su she: *kisses his hand*

Xue yang: *kneels for A-yao to pat his head fondly*

Mo xuanyu: *holds on to his robe*

Hoolay: *grunts in anger* Guangyao.

Su she: call him Huangdi!

Hoolay: respect is earned.

Yao: well I see you haven't earned any.

Look at your condition. Then, look at my position.

Hoolay: you and your vulpines are scavengers! Only scavengers!

You are a power hungry tyrant!

Su she: *unsheaths Nanping*

Xue yang: and what are you supposed to be?

Yao: team dimple. *raises his hand* let him vent.

Such a rare prisoner.

He doesn't kneel or beg for mercy. No remorse for his actions?

Mo xuanyu: we'll make him kneel, Yao gege!!

Su she: kneel and beg for mercy!!

Xue yang: you hound!

Hoolay: Borisins are wolf-like! Have respect!

Su she: have respect for your Huangdi!

Yao: Hoolay, I got your message.

You have no place or authority in my empire. I imprisoned you, hence you're a prisoner!

Hoolay: you're the one who's supposed to be behind bars.

Once I get out of here, I'll become your master.

Yao: *chuckle* how ambitious of you.

Well it's expected to daydream when you're bored.

What an uninteresting confinement you have.

Su she: of course it is, Huangdi. Your heroic war veterans threw him in here!

Yao: that's right, Shanahan.

Hoolay: do you remember your history, Guangyao.

Hulijings were always oppressed by us! Because we're more superior and powerful! We use strength, and you use deception, seduction and illusions!

You fox spirits can't fight like us. Haha!

Yao: We use our intellect, for your info.

Our intellect and beauty are our true strength.

Hoolay: if they're powerful, then why did they get exploited by us? As well as the cultivators during the time of Xue Chengtai?

Yao: it's because of people like you! You don't deserve the power, but still, you'll do anything to obtain it.

Hoolay: what makes us different then? Did you want power too?

Yao: it depends on what you use it for.

As the emperor, I use my power for the betterment of my people.

But don't get me wrong, I won't hesitate to destroy you with the same power.

Hoolay: looks like the emperor has a nasty side.

Yao: only when I'm challenged.

Hoolay: *scuffs*

Yao: do you know anything about being an emperor? You think it's about oppression, riches and dictatorship?!

Hoolay: then how would everyone know how powerful the emperor is, if you don't do that. It's a must!

Yao: every powerful emperor is a Humanitarian, protector and a peacemaker.

Someone who encourages his people to have rights.

Unlike you!

You tortured millions of fox spirits! Some of them still have mental issues, injuries and illnesses because of you and your Borisins. You benefit off of people's misery.

Hoolay: *smiling* oh come on. Fox spirits aren't that special. They're our magical objects, and should remain that way.

Hoolay: Guangyao. When I heard about the fall of the Mengs, I was so elated! My Borisin relatives helped with the corruption.

We promised them that they won't be oppressed by us if they overthrow their imperial house.

The fools believed that they would get more power.

After that, the pesky Xianzhou Alliance was formed. Huaiyan, some older Cloud  Knights, and then those youngsters like Feixiao and Jing Yuan came.

How dare they!

(The Xianzhou Alliance formed around the time Yao Huangdi was born. But the rivalry between the Borisins and the fox spirits were going on long before.

The Xianzhou Alliance is just and organization of heroes that rescue fox spirits from oppression.

Yao Huangdi's grandfather, Zhiyue, always protected his empire from  Borisins.

Maybe he was even killed by a Borisin assasin.

During Yao Huangdi's teenage years, heroes like Feixiao, Marshal Hua and others he had met~ had joined the Alliance)

Yao: you have some gull to admit that!!! Aren't you afraid of my capabilities!

Hoolay: never.

Su she: you're most insolent prisoner I ever encountered. You have no regard for your emperor.

Yao: I order you to get on your knees, and remember your position.

Hoolay: me? Bow to the hulijing emperor. Haha!

Xue yang: don't worry, Jiggy. We'll make him bow to you.

Mo xuanyu: respecting the emperor isn't that hard to do,  Hoolay.

Even the most evil criminals can do it.

Su she: I'll break your legs and make you kneel!!

Xue yang: dude, the imperial Mengs are back. Accept your defeat. Do you know that Huangdi owns his criminals as well.

Yao: exactly. And I can do anything I like with them.

Mo xuanyu: we'll deal with him, Yao gege! How dare he insult you.

Open the cell!

Yao: wait A-Yu.

Give him 3 seconds.

Mo xuanyu: for?

Hoolay: *letting out a bloodboiling scream, when the collection of turmoil started playing in his head*

Hoolay became aggressive and irritated, that he began to pull on his hair, bash his head against a wall and punch 'hallucinations' of Yao Huangdi.

Su she: hmm, the collection of turmoil.

Xue yang: the guy is feral!

Mo xuanyu: good for him.

Hoolay: MAKE IT STOPPP!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!

Yao Huangdi!!!!

Su she: imagine how historic it would be when a war criminal bows to Huangdi.

Xue yang: quite legendary. But I kind of was a criminal and I bow to Jiggy every time.

Su she: but this guy did worst than you.

Mo xuanyu: yangyang you were just a vengeful diva, and you should slay.

Hoolay: I can't take this anymore!!!! Ahhhh!!!

The hulijings! The hulijings are going to eat me! No don't eat me!

*calms down* I....have to kill Huangdi. Kill them all.....*in a trance*

Yao: *sits and opens his fan.* kneel.

Hoolay: *kneels*

Su she: excellent.

Xue yang: pathetic fool.

Mo xuanyu: finally you kneeled before our Huangdi.

Yao: I'm amused!

Su she: would Rusong Taizi have to deal with this monster?

Yao: *sigh* yes. When he's Huangdi.

But he'll be powerful like me.

Also Hoolay might be more frail by then.

What's that thing in his robe fold?

*snatches it with his telekinesis*

Hoolay: give that back to me!!

Yao: nope. *opens*

Su she: it's a map! Of where your Borisins are planning to enter.

Yao: couldn't you hide it in a better place, than your robe?

Borisin: Guangyao, that's not for you!

That's for the victory of my Borisins.

Xue yang: suck it up. You lost already!

Mo xuanyu: but it's in Borisin language, Yao gege. How are we~

Yao: A-Yu, I don't need to read that. Ì have to observe the map.

Borisin: you don't know our language? What kind of idiot emperor are you?

Su she: *stabs him*

Xue yang: Jiggy have better things to do!

Yao: for your concern, I do understand Borisin language. I just don't want to take the extra trouble of translating.

Your Borisin Marshals would sometimes send me messages, and I would reply to them in their language.

Su she: don't you dare underestimate our Huangdi.

He's brilliant, and he's always two paces ahead.

Yao: as I was observing.

The Borisins are lined up around Anle, Yaoqing, and Luofu city.

Su she: mn.

Yao: keep it, Shanahan. And Marshal Hua will meet you in Moling.

Su she: ok, Huangdi.

Xue yang: war strategies are boring for me! I want to go rub some blinding powder in his eyes. *lifts chin* if Huangdi allows.*

Yao: go ahead Chengmei, have some fun.

I'll show him no mercy.

Yao: look at him kneel. He should have been kneeling all this time.

I have a punishment for people who forget who their Huangdi is.

Mo xuanyu: oh I know what it is!

Hoolay: *screaming as his eyes burned*

Xue yang: relax. You'll get your eyesight back after a month.

Yes, Jiggy. I know you adopted branding from the Wens.

Yao: quite affective right?

Xuanyu. Would you do the honors?

Mo xuanyu: certainly, Huangdi.

Yao: good.

Su she: better just kill him off and finish, Huangdi.

Yao: rather make him suffer.

Those Borisins have pride in being immortal, so I'll let immortality be his biggest burden.

Mo xuanyu: *brands him*

Hoolay: *screams once more* Guangyao, I may have dropped on my knees and wear your name as a scar, but it doesn't mean I submit to you! And I never will!

Your Meng dynasty will crumble once again!!!

Xue yang: for goodness sake, shut up. I had enough of your monologues.

Su she: slandering my Huangdi.

Yao: then why didn't your Borisins kill me when I was Yunping.

Was I too powerful?

Hoolay: didn't even know if Meng Shi was alive.

And when I do find out, you were already a Jin spy in the Wen sect.

Xue yang: so you were afraid of Ruoruo?

Hoolay: never!

Mo xuanyu: just admit that Yao gege is untouchable.

Hoolay: that Guangyao always had his security.

Yao: correct.

And yes, I am untouchable.

*sighs* well, Hoolay. I shall leave you here.

I hope you wear your permanent tattoo with pride.

Chiyi, I want him flogged, especially on his dominant hand. So he won't write messages to anyone!

Chiyi: will do, Huangdi. And his cell will be heavily guarded.

Yao: excellent.

Chiyi: The people who are in charge of giving him food are terrified by him.

He would either curse, spit on them, bite them or call them derogatory names.

Yao: A feral criminal like that should be muzzled in my opinion.

Chiyi: certainly.

Hoolay: a muzzle?! Ahahahahaha! You could never!

Yao: well let's see, who Chiyi really listens to.

Ta-ta, Former Borisin leader!

Drums please!

Cloud Knights: *closes the cell, and followed their Huangdi's lead. Then they played their drums and horns again.*

Su she: *gives Hoolay a smug look* have fun in your cell.

Mo xuanyu: tell me if you want another tattoo, babe.

How about I brand you for every time you curse Yao gege.

Xue yang: Hoolay, we're over here. Why are you looking there?

Hoolay: you have blinded me, you idiot!

Xue yang: ah, no need to remind me.

Yao Huangdi's voice, from down the hall: team dimple. What's taking you so long?!

Team dimple: *frantically exits the dungeon area, then straight down the hall* COMING HUANGDI!

[yazzydream]

JJK Playlists: Geto | Toji | Gojo

It's Me, I'm the Problem (Geto Suguru Playlist)

Playlist for Geto. Gotta admit, he gets the gears in my brain running. Main themes are about Geto's descent, follows life as a genocidal cult leader, to the end of his life. Manga SPOILERS ahead.

-> [Spotify Link]

1. Paradiso - Pia-no-jac An instrumental chosen by Akutami Gege. Unfortunately, not available on Spotify.

2. Enemy (feat. JID) - Imagine Dragons

Tell you, you're the greatest But once you turn, they hate us (ha)

3. The Wall - PatrickReza When Geto starts questioning his life and philosophy.

Banging my head against the wall Nothing makes sense, no sense at all Nothing can numb me from what I've seen Pull me down, demons, yeah, try me

4. Cradles - Sub Urban Lots of imagery about eating and disassociation.

I love everything Fire's spreading all around my room My world's so bright It's hard to breathe, but that's alright Hush! Shh Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh, no, no) Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities Somedays, I feel skinnier than all the other days Sometimes, I can't tell if my body belongs to me

5. Savages - MARINA Covers how the lowly non-sorcerers are monkey--I mean, savages.

One man can build a bomb, another run a race To save somebody's life and have it blow up in his face I'm not the only one who finds it hard to understand I'm not afraid of God, I am afraid of man

///

Underneath it all, we're just savages Hidden behind shirts, ties and marriages How could we expect anything at all? We're just animals still learning how to crawl

6. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen If there's any JJK character who suits Bohemian Rhapsody, it's Geto. The line about being a poor boy made me think of how he's from a non-sorcerer family.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mama, life had just begun But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

7. Wait For It - Hamilton: An American Musical The lines "Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints" popped into my head after watching s2e4. But when I went back to listen to it to add to this playlist I was blown away by how Burr's (Geto's) thoughts about Hamilton (Gojo) were so suitable. Also, it wasn't always intentional but there's so much religious imagery (and a few mentions of parents...) in this playlist that I'm loving.

Death doesn't discriminate Between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes and we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason I'm still alive when everyone who loves me has died I'm willing to wait for it. I'm willing to wait for it.

///

I am the one thing in life I can control I am inimitable I am an original I'm not falling behind or running late I'm not standing still, I am lying in wait Hamilton faces an endless uphill climb He has something to prove He has nothing to lose Hamilton's pace is relentless he wastes no time What is it like in his shoes? Hamilton doesn't hesitate. He exhibits no restraint. He takes and he takes and he takes and he keeps winning anyway. He changes the game. He plays and he raises the stakes. And if there's a reason he seems to thrive when so few survive, then God dammit I'm willing to wait for it. I'm willing to wait for it.

8. Time of my Life - UPSAHL As Nanami would later say, being a jujutsushi is shit. No wonder Nanami's response was he doesn't blame Geto. Geto suffered from compassion fatigue; he was all burnt up.

I cleaned my room I paid my dues I did all of the things that they all told me to I filled my head With common sense I did all of the things that everybody said So how come all the worst days Are in the time of my life

9. Burning Pile - Mother Mother The turning point. Geto changes his aim.

It goes, all my troubles on a burning pile All lit up and I start to smile If I catch fire then I change my aim Throw my troubles at the pearly gates

10. Bang - AJR Geto certainly left legitimate jujutsu society behind with a bang.

So put your best face on everybody Pretend you know this song Everybody come hang (come hang) Let's go out with a bang Bang! Bang! Bang! I'm way too young to lie here forever I'm way too old to try so whatever come hang (come hang) Let's go out with a bang Bang! Bang! Bang!

11. The Other Side of Paradise - Glass Animals Reflecting on how Gojo (his strength) just went to a place Geto could no longer reach. So, Geto leaves too.

Bye-bye, baby blue I wish you could see the wicked truth Caught up in a rush, it's killing you Screaming at the sun you blow into Curled up in a grip when we were us Fingers in a fist like you might run I settle for a ghost I never knew Super paradise I held on to But I settle for a ghost

///

My thunder shook him down My thunder came and shook him down

12. Come Back Home - Two Door Cinema Club I usually prefer sandwiching my playlists with Akutami's music choices, but in this case it felt like it made more sense narratively to place this here. Lol. Sounds like a heartfelt plea from Gojo telling Geto to come back home honestly.

So now you're on your own Won't you come back home? To see you're not that kind And find the strength To find the strength, to find another way

13. East Jesus Nowhere - Green Day Yeah! Classic Green Day, this song popped into my head while thinking about Geto. Geto embraces his religious persona.

A fire burns today Of blasphemy and genocide The sirens of decay Will infiltrate the faith fanatics Oh, bless me Lord for I have sinned It's been a lifetime since I last confessed I threw my crutches in the river of a shadow of doubt And I'll be dressed up in my Sunday best Say a prayer for the family Drop a coin for humanity Ain't this uniform so flattering? I never asked you a goddamn thing

14. cult leader - KiNG MALA

I might be the villain in somebody else's story, but that's fine My methods are controversial, but at least it keeps 'em all in line In line I don't need your roses, I like men on their knees Praying up to their god, seein' visions of me I'm a cult leader, mind reader, heart eater Fear feeder, say I'm your favorite preacher If I wasn't a narcissist, I wouldn't like me either

15. Mental Funeral - EHLE From those devotees.

You're a criminal cute and creepy Dangerous for me When you're all alone, love me, dearly Psychopath

16. Godly Behaviour - ELIO "Monkeys have their roles. Money collecting monkeys and curse collecting monkeys."

Nothing comes for free, there's a fee for my time I'm so heavenly, hard to reach, gotta climb, 'cause I got godly behaviour And I'm not doing any favours I'll be in your dreams tonight, but I'm not an angel 'Cause it's confirmed, I got godly behaviour

17. Do It All The Time - IDKHOW He seemed pretty nonchalant about the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons.

We're taking over the world A little victim-less crime And when I'm taking your innocence I'll be corrupting your mind

///

Now we're so young But we're probably gonna die And it's so fun We're so good at selling lies We look so good And we never even try I don't wanna do it, but I do it 'Cause I do it all the time

18. Freak (feat. REI AMI) by Sub Urban Geto's family of curse users.

Welcome to our freak show, come meet my monsters Oh, such a fine collection of stranger things

19. Family - Mother Mother More found family music. Affectionate.

They is my family, they is my family They might be crazy, but they is my family You can't get to them unless you get through me You fuck with them, you fuck with me

20. cutlery collector - Sion POV: Geto when Kenjaku takes over his body.

Cutting me open and switching my insides Make me an avatar girl, just let me die And they all say that I have changed But oh, nobody knew why 'Cause you're a cutlery collector You cut open my mind

21. House of Memories - Panic! At the Disco Lots of melancholic death songs.

Baby, we built this house On memories Take my picture now Shake it 'til you see it And when your fantasies Become your legacy Promise me a place In your house of memories

22. Goodbye - Bo Burnham

So long, goodbye I'll see you when I see you You can pick the street I'll meet you on the other side

///

Am I going crazy? Would I even know? Am I right back where I started fourteen years ago? Wanna guess the ending, if it ever does I swear to God that all I've ever wanted was A little bit of everything all of the time A bit of everything all of the time Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime I'm finished playing and I'm staying inside

23. Akari - Soushi Sakiyama The third ED best describes Geto I think.

Before my goodwill crumbles away I should have told you everything In a life descending and dissolving into the night Fuzzy emotions, a flickering light If accepting it as inevitable Means it's all over, even though I know It somehow doesn't feel worth it, there's No meaning to it

[cuntyji]

taking a break from my own shitty writing to read some GOOD GOOD literature...the goodest of them alll....the baddest, the realest....the okay let's just get started.

gojo is the type of guy to buy a "slay and yaas and twink" shirt with you, i don't make the rules.

geto suguru.....geto suguru.....!!! i have been infected by a virus (getoism) because of daphavocadokuna and let me tell you geto's part of the fic is the one that gagged me the most. he is such a romantic...i need 10 of him and another 500 for all my gays and girls. also geto is THEEEE gossip queen i love it when people write him as such, and having it confirmed by leader of geto-ville herself...gege write that down

guys i'm genuinely rolling down the wall [edit: isn't it sliding??? girl bye they see me rolling LNJNHDHUHDUUADH] when i read the sukuna one because i was like "oh flower ! 😄 what is this link? 🙀 OH DEAR GOD THAT'S- *gunshots*" don't even play with me rn daph i think i shed a tear I. LOVE. YOU!!! he is so like....himbo coded. but like a himbo who drank too much monster. do you get the vibes...man i need to write more of soft idiot in love sukuna!! *stares at my current wip manifesting it blossoms into a soft fic*

toji.....toji fushiguro....guys did u all know i went for @nkoprra's wedding with toji it was saur romantic.....anyways 💗 i feel like he is more of a dry texter than sukuna and the CALLLINNGG he is deffo a call > text guy, i think he'd send more voice messages too. he deffo gets you the best gifts on occassions, he's saur money [peak english here]🕺🕺

DAPHHNNNENENENENENEE NANAMI'S HAD ME CRYING I CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN HIM AND SUKUNA FUCK MEEEE. i need a man who corporate responds to all my shared videos than say nothing at all. "thank you for sharing" IM CRYINGGG U HAVE NO IDEA I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD. as someone who likes having someone sit by them as they fall asleep this was such a cute detail to add and im in tears im honking weeping wailing even

choso they will never make me hate you and your chick flick liking ass....love ur characterization of him he is deffo more than just an awkward weird boy....he is THE boy

"objection. we had sushi two days ago" WHY IS HE LIKEEE THIS AHHAHAHA. a man hiding his smile behind his hand is such a hot thing to do i don't know why + bonus points if they lean further into their hand to cover their entire face oh MAMA 🐕🐕🐕

naoya is the typa lad who'd quadruple text you in a row saying "im going. going to bed. going to sleep. i'm closing my eyes. this is your last chance fr. this is naoya's father did you ever care for him" LMAISJDFIEHUWHU he's such a drama kweenie.....i never even thought of reading naoya fics icl once indie wrote an ex!bf naoya fic and that's it, but you dear pookiekuna [to me atleast] have become synonymous with naoya [in a good way] because you write him just so dang funny and dorky i fear i would fold like a lawn chair [is that the saying?] for him.... bonus points if we wildly smooch in public. I AM WAITING FOR BOLTER SEASON 2 PLELASEEE DAPH VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL EP WHEN MY GLORIOUS QUUE- *GUNSHOTS*

kashimo is giving pimento and rosa's relationship from b99 idk why he just seems like such a stupid lad. also daph wtaf stop playing u're making me realize how fine half of the jjk cast is oh im gonna be SIIICKKKKK

"it is natural for others to admire beauty such as yours. however, they must know it's not theirs to claim" sir if someone said that to me i would have a mental breakdown. he's the "you're killing my tough guy personality" guy. HE SEEMS SO BITEABLE DAPH I CANT VOCALIZE MY THOUGHTS IM SHAKING WRITING THIS IM GENUIENLY GOING OOGA BOOGA CAVEMAN STYLW WHAT THE FAWKKKKKKKKKKKKK DONT CHAT TO ME

pick your love story °🍵⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ jujutsu kaisen edition (sfw)

gojo satoru ☆ childhood friends to lovers

loves to tease you, and he'll always poke your cheek, ruffle your hair, or steal your food just to get a reaction. if you're shy or quiet, he lives to make you flustered. buys the most ridiculous gifts, including matching sunglasses and designer items that cost more than your rent. acts like your personal heater, always draping himself over you, wrapping his long arms around your shoulders, or sneaking his hands under your sweater to press them against your skin. if someone flirts with you? well, he's throwing him arm around you so dramatically, calling you his 'beloved' in the most obnoxious way possible. if the person doesn't back off, his carefree tone disappears and he gives them a chilling smile. loves late night drives and cafe dates, he's so the type to blast music in the car and sing off-key on purpose, always laughs when you tell him to zip it. his love language is definitely physical touch and words of affirmation, and he needs to be touching you at all times, and he constantly reminds you how much he loves you in different playful and heartfelt ways <3 he's even softer when he's sleepy, nuzzling into your neck and shit, voice always dropping to a quiet murmur as he spills whatever's on his mind.

geto suguru ☆ best friends to lovers

pretty chill, protective and a faux deep thinker type of guy. gentle and attentive, always knowing what you need before you even ask. if had a rough day, he's gonna run you a bath and try to get your favourite drink. tries to sit still and listen patiently while you rant. lowkey a bit overzealous when it comes to jealousy, but never petty. he doesn't get outwardly possessive. but if someone flirts with you, he'll wrap an arm around your waist and give the person a pretty sharp look, enough that they'll back off and shit. always takes pictures of you, and he has an entire album of random shots of you reading, laughing or even just existing bc he really does think you look beautiful in every moment. loves bookstore and vinyl shop dates, and he enjoys those sweet peaceful moments with you (flipping through books, aka arguing about different genres). he's super big on quality time + acts of service, and if he sees you struggling with anything, he'll try to take care of it before you even have to ask. loves running his fingers through your hair, and he claims it calms him, and sometimes he just gets so lost in thought while doing it, that you have to snap him out of it. he's the type to whisper sweet things in your ear absentmindedly, like 'you have no idea how much i love you' when he thinks you're not paying attention. goes all red and dismissive when he realises you actually did hear that :D and he says he's not in gossip and drama but no one talks shit like he does, lets be real

ryomen sukuna ☆ prob sum weird enemies to lover shit

claims he doesn't date, but somehow ends up trying to figure out your favourite flower. calls you stupid shit like 'brat' or 'pet' more than your actual name, but if someone disrespects you, he tears them apart without hesitation. gets jealous easily, but he won't admit it, and if someone looks at you wrong, he'll grab your chin and kiss you (not that you mind <3) his love language is physical touch and dominance, expect him to always keep a hand on your waist, neck or chin because as much as he pretends otherwise, he loves feeling your skin against his. gaslights you over silly things for fun ('i literally told you that' 'no you didn't' 'oh, so you're forgetful now). also whispers absolute nonsense in your ear just from time to time, 'did you know that octopuses have three hearts? bet you didn't, but now you do. you're welcome'). will open a jar way too aggressively to try and show off his strength but breaks it, and now you're left with no pickles and a sulking sukuna with pickle juice on his hand. carries you like a sack of potatoes on his shoulders if you piss him off. pretends he doesn't gaf, but always shares his food with you and tries to order what you like.

toji fushiguro ☆ reluctant friends to lovers

grumpy but soft for you typa boyfriend who doesn't believe in using full words in texts. only texts in 'ya' or 'nah' and he accidentally replied 'k' to you saying 'i love you' and he called you immediately afterwards because he knows he messed up. loves pda but in the most lazy way possible, and will always drape himself over you like a weighted blanket and refuse to move. always steals bites of your food (half the meal) but will act offended if you do the same. once won you a stuffed animal at a carnival and acted like it was no big deal, but he actually used up all his carnival tickets trying to win you the biggest prize. spoils you in a reckless way, and he'll hand you a wad of cash and refuses to tell you how he got the money. he just tells you to go buy something nice. love language is acts of service and physical touch because he claims he's not amazing with words, but his hands always find their way back home to you. loves lazy mornings, and grumbles when you try to get out of bed, pulling you back in with an arm around your waist.

nanami kento ☆ love at first sight

exhausted but devoted you get me, and he claims that you energise him and light up his life. lectures you when you only sleep for three hours a night. replies to the tiktoks you send with corporate replies 'that was humorous. thank you for sharing. i love you.' he thinks you're absolutely the most beautiful person on the planet, and always lets you know. pretty gentle, mature and devoted. shows his love in sweet, meaningful ways. always puts your comfort first, and he tries to take things off your plate without asking. loves cooking for you, and believes cooking is its own love language. hates unnecessary, brash pda but loves quiet intimacy. holds your hand, brushes your hair against your ear. lingering kisses on your temple. reads to you at night, and he'll sit beside you if you have trouble drifting off. his love language is absolutely acts of service and quality time, and he doesn't just say he loves you, he'll prove it in every little action of his. loves taking you out to scenic parks and hikes, and just stares after you with so much love as he tries to adjust the focus of his camera lenses to try and capture you as well as he can.

choso kamo ☆ strangers to lovers

kinda awkward but genuinely, really quiet sweet. overthinks everything, and at the start of your relationship, he even started overthinking how you said 'goodnight!' and wondered if you were mad at him, because there was no heart or emoji. would die before making the first move idk, like you're going to have kiss him first or else, otherwise i fear he's going to have a stroke. holds grudges as long as he can, and will bring up little shit (like you stealing his lunch) six months later 'remember that time you betrayed me?'. but he can only really give you the silent treatment for two whole minutes when you tease him, and then immediately apologises because he feels bad. a lot of friends tease the two of you because they think choso is too quiet or a pushover but the truth is that he's actually pretty snarky, clever and observant. very determined and always sticks to his morals, even at times when you disagree with him, he's able to put his foot down. love language is quality time and gift giving, because he's the type to remember everything you like and surprise him with it. loves watching movies with you, and pretends not to care for 90s chick flicks, but he's digging them deep down. loves holding your hand, and even in public, he'll reach for you quietly.

higuruma hiromi☆ coworkers to lovers

overworked but loves you so bad. he sometimes reminds you of a tired, single dad but he's truly joyous to date. if you call him baby in public, he immediately malfunctions and blushes. you once kissed him in a courtroom (not even when court was ongoing!) on the tip of his gorgeous nose, and he almost choked. will 100% object to random things just to irritate you, with topics like takeout for dinner, 'objection. we had sushi two days ago.' takes everything pretty seriously, until you do something cute. then he just sits there, hiding his smile behind his hand like an adorable anime protagonist. tries to be strict or protective, but you just make him super soft. secretly likes pda but pretends that he doesn't. grips your hand so tight like he fears you might disappear. loves when you rest in his lap or against his chest as he reads over cases and paperwork. you told him that he'd look hot with glasses, and you caught him browsing through lens frames.

naoya zenin ☆ arranged marriage (kinda ooc naoya btw, bear with me)

sort of a menace who should have been left on read a long time ago, but this wasn't your first choice. somehow, he folds for you almost immediately but you think he'd rather dig his own grave and neatly fold his hands over his chest as he buries himself at his own funeral before he admits that he likes you. calls you annoying but will drop everything if you text him that you need help. always saying dumb shit to you, or trying to make fun of you, but if someone else does? they're gone, like he's going to stalk them, find where they work, and get them fired from their job. texts you the stupidest things like 'if i was ugly, would you still love me?' 'i just saw an ugly baby. damn' 'what would do if i got arrested? be honest.' saw someone flirting with you once at like a fancy event, and rolled his eyes, pretending that he didn't give a flying fuck. ended up at the bathroom mirror, gripping the sink and trying not to throw up. if you ignore his texts, he's gonna send vaguely ominous messages, like 'answer me' followed by 'this is how it ends?' 'i'm leaving btw, i'm going to pack up and leave you forever and go live on my own in the wild.' you check his location and he's still at home. naoya thinks he's the prize in the relationship, he's not. definitely a pda menace, and he loves just kissing you in public.

hajime kashimo ☆ enemies to lovers but in that 'we met when we were fighting' way

your relationship is just him being reckless with no survival instinct, and you trying to keep your boyfriend alive. aka trying to stop him from licking the power outlet. will randomly challenge you to fights for no reason, never mind the fact that he'll feel bad and back out at the last minute. has no concept of personal space, and will stand nose to nose with you just to make you uncomfortable. if you back away, he's gonna follow you and ask where you're going. if someone flirts with you, he's not even going to do too much, just laugh in their face and ask the offender if they really thought they had a chance. kashimo has no concept of an inside voice at all, so god forbid you try to take him somewhere quiet. energy level always at 200% and it's a mission to even take him someplace like a grocery store. if you said 'i love you' first, it might have been the only time that someone else has bested him in something. hajime physically can't process emotions and goes green and pale (he loves you so much btw) and he looks vaguely ill at your confession. stares for five minutes before throwing himself at you. definitely a words of affirmation type of guy, instead of actions, because sometimes, he's all bark and no bite.

noritoshi kamo ☆ sweet, rom-com crush

he's actually a bit traditional, but very sweet. unfortunately, he's also so formal that it hurts sometimes. but it's fun when he asks you things like 'would you like to accompany me for an evening meal?' or 'shall we go for a stroll?' if you hold his hand, for the first few months, he sweats profusely but acts as though he's totally cool (narrator: he was not cool). lowkey believes that he doesn't deserve you and he absolutely treats you, the love of his life, like royalty. super observant and determined to make you as comfortable as possible, so you're never really left wanting for anything. if someone flirts with you, he doesn't really get jealous, but rather gets philosophical. 'it is natural for others to admire beauty such as yours. however, they must know it's not theirs to claim.' a key forefront runner of the sassy men apocalypse, even though you wouldn't be able to tell at the start. super quick-witted, but he's the type to keep his thoughts to himself, but luckily, he gets more comfortable sharing his jokes with you as times go on. blushes super easily, and he hates it because he thinks it ruins his aloof/mysterious guy persona.

[jjkrereadlb]

ok some random thoughts from the past few days that im not gonna tag with any specific chapter bc fuck knows i dont wanna go back and check the numbers lmao

When nanami dies in front of yuuji, as he is telling him his last words (“yuuji, youve got it from here”) he thinks to himself “no dont say that, it’ll just turn into a curse for him.” I think HE personally meant it metaphorically but its eerily similar to what his grandpa told him before he died (he said something along the lines of “live well help people blablabla… im giving you this curse”). So while non-sorcerers cant turn directly into curses (rather the small amounts of CE they leak out accumulates to become curses, over time and with many people), AND we didn’t see nanami turn into a curse (also bc hes not the type of guy to resent dying, we literallysaw him be bitter but ultimately at peace with the decisions that brought him to his death), its still potentially relevant how now more than one persons “dying wish” has “cursed” yuuji.

Do megumi’s shikigami count as parts of his soul? he didn’t feel the white dog die in the jail so obviously theyre not like a part of him or anything, but if for instance mahito touched idk the dog, would he be able to do idle transfiguration through it? the rship btw a shikigami and its user is still sort of opaque. For instance, geto tried to absorb the worm that toji used to store his weapons but he failed, and in the ch notes gege says its because toji had already established a “master-servant” relationship with it. I dont think that’s through a binding vow necessarily (can a curse without higher intelligence and language even enter a BV?) but still some sort of pact was done, which apparently doesn’t necessarily require CE as toji was able to do it. Then theres for instance yuuta & Rika1. In the fanbook gege says rika is able to see what yuuta sees even if they’re apart, though the opposite is not true (Y cant see what R sees). But still some sort of connection exists there. So would mahito be able to do IT by touching rika? Could he do it to Yaga through one of his cursed dolls? obv this isn’t especially relevant re: mahito bc hes dead lol, but im willing to bet that the minute details of this kind of thing will come up with the sukuna & megumi situation we have on our hands. I cant help but notice that almost every main character has either fought mahito outright or at least met him, with the GLARING exception of megumi, who through various circumstances is never around when mahito shows up. I wonder if thats bc gege is hiding something about the way 10s interacts with the soul. Hmmmm.

One thing thats been puzzling me is that we’re told that when gojo was born the balance of the world was altered bc he was so strong etcetc, so curses started getting much more powerful/higher In level. At the same time though, during the early manga, everytime one of our characters meets someone from the kenjaku squad, or even a finger bearer, they ALWAYS comment on how crazy powerful these curses are and isnt it weird how much stronger curses are these days, like you get the impression that they’re mostly used to dealing with grade 2s and below. So what is the truth???

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE ELEVEN || NARROW-MINDED

↳ featuring : fushiguro megumi + nanami kento + ieiri shoko (mention of itadori yuji + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru + roymen sukuna + zenin maki + inumaki toge + panda + mahito) from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 12 march

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 2.0k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : idle transfiguration

↳ next episode : to you, someday

↳ barista’s notes : welcome nanamin kento to the series everyone ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ he’s finally in the series and i am so excited to write about him again since it has been a while ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ i hope you enjoy today’s episode and for the fushiguro x y/n shippers, enjoy this little interaction between them...

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5 for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique

no cursed spells used this episode..

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“No reason, just worried about you,” Fushiguro mentioned, hiding his real intention of why he questioned your wellbeing, as continued to look at what was in front of him to avoid making eye contact with you since he could feel your eyes peering at him with curiosity filling them.

Sighing once again, you slap the back of his head causing him to groan since you put more strength than you intended to. “You shouldn’t worry about me Fushiguro, be selfish,” you commented before walking faster to be ahead of him, leaving him confused about what you had just mentioned to him.

“Be selfish?” Fushiguro muttered in confusion leading you to turn back to look over your shoulder before smiling at him.

“You were going to take me there right?” you asked, as you halted your movement causing the shikigami user to finally catch up to you while you had a lingering question in the back of your mind.

‘What was that dream?’

                                              ꕥ

“Didn’t I say you can head back to the track field, we’re literally a few steps away?” you asked, as you stood in front of the metal door leading inside to the infirmary while looking at your classmate with a fed-up look since he wasn’t listening to you once again.

“I said, I was going to take you here and now I’m going to wait for you here,” Fushiguro mentioned as he processed to lean against the wall, causing you to let out a sigh of frustration since you didn’t have the slightest clue on his sudden behaviour of him keeping an eye on you.

“If you’re still worried about my wellbeing, I’m okay Fushiguro,” you voice out trying to ease his worries, before turning your head to look at the door in front of you as you then entered the infirmary room the second the metal door slid open. “Thank you for waiting for me,” you quietly muttered to the shikigami sorcerer as the entrance that was going to block you both, slowly began to close leaving him on the other side, no knowing what was going on inside of where you were now.

Once you had entered the room, you quickly noticed that Ieiri was there twirling a strand of her brown lock with her ibex finger as she greeted you with a small smile, while another person - who you assumed was another sorcerer - who was beside her sitting on the metal bench while holding the side of his hip to lessen the blood loss from his wound.

From what you could observe, the male that was currently injured right now had bright blonde locks, which was strange since it was rare or uncommon for a Japanese person to have naturally light hair (since it didn’t seem dyed) causing you to assume the man had some European heritage. He also seemed to be on the older side compared to Gojo since he had somewhat of a more mature look to the strongest sorcerer that you had come to know but his outfit consisted of a blue dress-shirt with beige suit trousers as well as the professional dress shoes - what seemed to be missing was a blazer to complete the outfit.

“So you're the daughter that Gojo has been talking about lately,” the man mentioned, causing you to tilt your head in confusion since you had no idea who the man was, but he seemed to know who you were.

“Pardon?” you questioned politely since you were still in a state of perplexion, causing your mentor to giggle slightly before informing you that your teacher has been running around announcing his daughter after “keeping it a secret for 5 years” leading you to turn your head to the side and sigh once again in annoyance since you weren’t surprised that the playful sorcerer was parading your name around the facility but still it seemed a little creepy to you - just imagine him skipping around while telling everyone about you just seemed off...weirdly off.

‘What a drag…’

“Ah! I’ll heal you now since we don’t want to leave the wound open any longer,” you mentioned, as you made your way towards the sorcerer before placing your hands just above his wound while concentrating to allow your negative cursed energy to become positive which became easier over time as you kept practising leading Ieiri to be surprised on how much you had improved for the past few weeks.

“Gojo Y/N correct? I’m Nanami Kento, I would bow to be polite but that’s a bit difficult to do right now,” Nanami introduced himself, causing you to smile slightly before greeting him back.

‘So this is Nanami Kento? Shoko-san wasn’t kidding when she said he was a grade one, he does seem to be extremely skilled’

“Y/N, your theory was right about the technique used on those bodies, Kento mentioned that the technique reshapes the soul rather than the body of what we first thought,” Ieiri revealed to you, leading you to look up at the doctor with widen eyes as you hands managed to continue the healing process of Nanami’s wounds.

“Is there any way to stop the transfiguration of any sorts? Is there some kind of weakness to it?” you questioned, as you turned to the grade one sorcerer, leading him to nod as he turned to look at you.

“The use of cursed energy to protect your body is one way, but it will still cause some damage, besides that’s just a temporary solution since if we get hit more by this special grade curse, then that’s when our soul gets hit no matter how much cursed energy you put to protect yourself,” Nanami explained which lead you to look at him with a deadpan expression before you looked down to think of a solution to avoid any more casualties from this curse.

‘The only thing I can think of is Ryomen Sukuna...but Itadori is dead and there is no way that Sukuna can be inhibiting his body now anyways…my cursed spell could be a way to protect myself if it comes to the day I have to face him’

“Do you have a description of what the curse looked like?” you asked curiously since you didn’t know if you were even allowed to have any information on his mission - but you knew you had a chance since you and Ieiri examined the transfigured bodies from Kinema Cinema.

“The curse was human looking like, had patchwork around his face like it he was sewed together, he can transfigure is own body to how he likes to give him an advantage in battle,” Nanami explained leading a shiver to go up to your spine as you didn’t expect the curse’s description to be so human-like after Sukuna since you were completely used to other curses you had faced in the past, looking like what people feared - like the ocean animals, mountains, volcanos or even nature itself.

Steadily, you moved your hands away before asking Nanami to lift his shirt so you could examine his wound leading Ieiri to observe as well since she needed to make sure that your technique had been perfected as well as to make sure his wound was healed properly.

“Good job, I think you have nearly perfected it,” the doctor stated with a smile, leading you to turn to her with a bright smile on your face as you were delighted to have her approval leading her to mention that she will report your progress to Gojo since he wanted to know how you were doing with your training.

“You don’t call Gojo your father?” Nanami questioned since he had come to know from his senior that you have been his daughter for approximately five years now leading him to question why you didn’t call him as his parental figure position.

“I refuse,” you looked at him with a straight face as a slight hint of a ‘fed-up’ tone could be heard in your speech, leading Nanami to internally find the comment funny.

“Thank you for the treatment, but I must quickly head off to resume work,” Nanami declared as he slowly got up from his seat causing him to be surprised at how much your technique had actually repaired not only his wound by somewhat his whole body as well leaning him to peer at you for a second before walking out to head whatever he needed to be.

“Y/N, you can go now, if I need you, I’ll call you next time okay?” Ieiri stated to you, leading you to nod your head before announcing your departure as you processed to stand in front of the metal door, waiting for it to open as you then walked across the gap once it revealed the other side to you.

“You’re done?” someone asked, causing you to look to the side to notice that Fushiguro was still leading against the wall that he was waiting before you had entered into the infirmary to which you were surprised about since you thought he didn’t have the patience to even wait for you.

“You’re still here? Did you wait long?” you questioned, as you both began to walk back to the track field where Kugisaki and the second-years were waiting for you.

“Not really, it was actually quicker than I thought it was going to be,” Fushiguro mentioned causing you to nod along and you both became silent as you both didn’t know what else to say to each other.

However, that didn’t really bother you right now, what was bothering you was what happened before you even came here.

‘Why? Why was I dreaming that in the first place?’ you thought, as you looked down to the ground as if the answer was there for you to collect. However, you knew you would never get the answer if you didn’t make the effort to find it yourself, yet you didn’t want to.

You didn’t want to know the meaning behind it. You just wanted to forget everything that happened in that dream. 

‘There’s no point in holding on to it, it would never happen’

“You okay?” Fushiguro asked, causing you to snap out of your thoughts before realising the shikigami user was no longer beside you but rather in front of you with a stern look on his face as if he was confronting you for somewhat giving him a white-lie.

‘He’s not going to let that question go huh?’

“I’m okay Fushiguro, how many times I got to answer,” you commented before moving to the side to continue walking, only for the erratic-haired sorcerer to block your pathway once again leading a flame of annoyance to be lit up in your stomach. “What’s wrong?” you asked, as you looked up to meet him eye to eye, only to discover a worried look on his face.

“There’s something bothering you,” Fushiguro muttered causing you to scoff internally before moving to the other side again, only for him to block you once again. 

“Fushiguro, I’m fine, it was just something silly that happened with Gojo-sensei that annoyed me, I’m genuinely fine,” you answered before suddenly grabbing his wrist - catching him by surprise - to pull him towards the direction needed to go back to the track field for training, as you didn’t want a full-blown argument happening between you and him. Also, you weren’t bothered to shout at him since you were still trying to comprehend what you had just experienced.

However, before you could pull Fushiguro further to where you both needed to be, you felt him halt his movement causing you to stagger back slightly since it was really unexpected. Turning your head, you looked at the sorcerer with slight confusion displayed on your face before noticing a hand coming towards you as a small flick made a light impact on your forehead leaving you frozen in shock.

“You can rely on me anytime L/N,” Fushiguro mentioned to you nonchalantly as he retreated his hand back.

“Dear, rely on me a bit more, I’ll always be here with you and sorry for flicking your forehead, does it hurt?” 

“You drag, don’t copy me!” you argued, before slapping his forehead causing him to groan in pain while you continued to pull him along to get back to training.

‘I want to, but I don’t want to be lied to again Fushiguro…’

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[veliseraptor]

closed fist, open hand

it’s still the 22nd where I am and happy birthday to my best boy xue yang, here is a fic from the if living can be this verse, songxue, for someone (forgetting who?? might’ve been @spockandawe​) featuring the ongoing journey of xue yang being very clueless about some things, sometimes.

it’s porn but it’s actually nice porn, so 👍

this will be on ao3 at some point in the relatively near future.

--

Song Lan was being very, very frustrating. Which, okay, not that surprising, but still annoying as fuck.

Xiao Xingchen and a-Qing were off doing something and going to be gone the whole fucking day, which meant Xue Yang was alone with Song Lan, and he was restless and itchy and it was a perfect opportunity to get Song Lan to rough him up. Really rough him up, in a fingers around his throat, bruises everywhere, feeling it tomorrow kind of way.

So he’d been doing his best all morning to get him nice and pissed off and all that he’d gotten was a long-suffering look and a sigh, or a dry is that necessary, or, once, eyes cast toward the ceiling like he was seeking help from the heavens.

It was starting to drive Xue Yang a little crazy.

Stewing, glaring at Song Lan where he was meditating in apparent peace, Xue Yang gave up. He tossed the pot he was washing as loudly as possible into the bucket of washwater and sauntered over, straddled him on his knees, put his hands on his shoulders, and said, dropping his voice a little and letting it slide, “fuck me up, gege.”

Song Lan took a quick, sharp breath and opened his eyes. Xue Yang grinned at him with all his teeth.

“Is that what you’ve been hinting at?” he asked after a pause. Xue Yang’s grin widened.

“Maybe,” he said. “Maybe I just like annoying the shit out of you, Zichen. Maybe a little of both. Going to do something about it?”

Song Lan’s eyes narrowed. Xue Yang cocked his head to the side.

“Hm,” Song Lan said, and then, “I could. But not here.”

Xue Yang straightened up. “Yeah?” he said eagerly. “That a promise?”

“Try me,” Song Lan said, his voice steady and even and the expression on his face entirely unreadable. Xue Yang’s heartbeat kicked up a notch and he leaned forward.

“I thought I already was,” he said, plastering a grin on again. Song Lan didn’t so much as blink.

“Not here,” he said again. “I’d be uncomfortable.”

A thrill went up Xue Yang’s spine. His eyes widened in delight and he planted his hands on Song Lan’s chest to push himself back, dismounting and standing up. Song Lan did the same, in stages, and then just stood there looking at him. The annoyance crept back in.

“Well?” he said. “Are you coming or–”

The motherfucker could move fast when he wanted to. And he was stupidly strong, and Xue Yang hadn’t been watching for it, and now he was over Song Lan’s shoulder like a sack of rice. He thrashed, or tried, and then Song Lan said, “if you kick me I’ll drop you and we’re done,” so he did, reluctantly, stop. There was nothing in biting range, either. At least it wasn’t that far.

“Where’re you gonna do it, huh,” he said. “Gonna shove my face into the wall and fuck me from behind, do you want me on my knees so you can fuck my face, are you gonna make it hurt, make me suffer–”

Song Lan’s stride hitched slightly, but only for a moment, and Xue Yang laughed.

“Oh,” he said. “You like that, huh? Too bad you don’t have a whip or you could mark up my back so bad it’d hurt to lie down for a week. Bet you could come up with something though if you wanted. Or there’s always–”

The air went out of his lungs with an oof when Song Lan half-dropped, half-tossed him onto the bed. Xue Yang looked up at him, pushing himself up on his elbows and grinning, his heart thudding hard at the base of his throat.

“You talk too much,” Song Lan said. Xue Yang laughed.

“You like it,” he said. “You’ve always liked it. Okay, maybe not as much as Xingchen but still.” He pushed himself further up to sitting. “Come on, Zichen,” he said. “You’re not done already, are you? I thought you were going to put me in my place.”

Song Lan’s eyes narrowed again, darkened slightly, and Xue Yang grinned again, then licked his lips with exaggerated relish.

Song Lan removed his belt. Xue Yang’s eyes snapped to it, his body heating up with eager anticipation. “Give me your hands,” Song Lan said, and Xue Yang paused but only for a moment before he held them out, wiggling his fingers.

“This feels familiar,” Xue Yang said brightly when Song Lan started binding his wrists together. Song Lan’s movements stuttered again, slightly, and he gave Xue Yang a hard look that made him falter, just a little.

“I’m just making sure you keep your hands to yourself,” Song Lan said after a moment. “And I don’t trust your self restraint.”

“That hurts, gege,” Xue Yang said. It felt a little strange, having his hands restrained like this. Not something he usually liked. Hadn’t gone well last time he’d tried it. But the little frisson up his spine wasn’t completely bad and he was here to get fucked up anyway so it didn’t matter that much. The belt didn’t even chafe like ropes would, and it wasn’t so tight he couldn’t wriggle out if he really tried.

“I’m sure it does,” Song Lan said, then hooked his fingers into the bindings and pushed Xue Yang down to his back, hard enough to push the air out of his lungs in a quiet oof. He blinked up at Song Lan as he climbed onto the bed over him, then laughed, stretching his torso, pushing up against Song Lan’s weight holding him down so he could feel the resistance of him holding him down. It felt good, the little mingled thrill of unease and hunger. Song Lan gave him a slow, considering look like he was trying to decide where to start taking him apart.

“What’re you waiting for?” Xue Yang asked. “I’m gonna start getting bored here. Lost your nerve, Song-daozhang?”

“No,” Song Lan said. Then, “remember, hands to yourself or I’ll just leave you here like this.”

Xue Yang let out an exaggerated gasp. “Song-daozhang! You wouldn’t,” he said.

“You’d deserve it,” Song Lan said ruthlessly, but he let go and Xue Yang kept his hands where they were. He was rewarded with one of Song Lan’s hands around his neck, palm pressed lightly against the ridge of his throat. His eyes half closed with a pleased sound but instead of pushing down Song Lan just drew his thumb lightly down the side of Xue Yang’s neck. And then again, and again, and when he tried to push up to chase more pressure Song Lan pulled away altogether. Xue Yang frowned at him.

“Are you going easy on me?” he said incredulously. “Come on, Song-daozhang, you know I can take it.”

“I know,” Song Lan said, and pulled his hand away. Xue Yang started to jerk up only for Song Lan to plant a hand in the center of his chest and push him firmly back down.

“Oh,” he said. “Okay, so it’s just that you can’t do it, I get it. Poor Zichen’s lost his nerve–”

“Hm,” Song Lan said, and then gave Xue Yang a very slight smile that cut off Xue Yang’s voice and sent a delightfully ominous shiver down his spine. His fingers curled but he set his jaw and gave Song Lan a bright and vicious grin.

“Prove me wrong,” he said. “Do your worst.”

Song Lan pulled back only far enough to take off Xue Yang’s belt and pull his robes open so he was just wearing pants and shirt even if Song Lan still had all his clothes. “You leaving those on?” Xue Yang asked, jerking his chin in his direction. “Gonna get them dirty? If you make me bleed on your robes I’m not washing them.”

“You’re not going to bleed,” Song Lan said calmly. Xue Yang laughed.

“Yeah,” he said. “Okay.” And because Song Lan wasn’t moving fast enough, he said, “hey, Zichen, did you ever think about doing this shit to Xiao Xingchen? Did you ever want to hurt him, put those nice strong fingers of yours around his neck and squeeze until he choked–”

Song Lan’s expression tightened, a flash of anger and something else too lighting up his eyes and Xue Yang took a quick breath, bracing himself, but then it faded away and he just cupped Xue Yang’s jaw with a gentleness that sent a shiver down his spine, his thumb brushing across Xue Yang’s lower lip. He tried to snap at his fingers, but that just meant Song Lan pulled his hand away completely which wasn’t what he wanted.

“If you want something you can just ask,” Song Lan told him. Xue Yang bared his teeth.

“Really?” he said. “You need me to give you all your ideas? Weak. You did just fine when you were splitting me open on my own fucking sword–”

Song Lan’s eyes went dark, and Xue Yang grinned at him. Then Song Lan moved, manhandling Xue Yang more onto the bed. He fought it more reflexively than anything, but also so he could feel the satisfying weight of Song Lan’s holding him in place, pinning him down. His cock was getting interested again, and finally Song Lan was close enough that he could arch his hips and rub against him. Song Lan ran his fingers into his hair but didn’t pull. He rocked down against Xue Yang and Xue Yang made a loud, pleased noise.

“That’s more like it,” he said.

“Mmm,” Song Lan said, and then murmured, “you’re doing very well,” and a funny shock shot through Xue Yang, jarring him sideways. Sweet enough to hurt, almost, and it should’ve sounded condescending, like he was mocking Xue Yang only it didn’t, not really. He opened up the last layer of clothes across Xue Yang’s chest so when he put one hand over Xue Yang’s hammering heart it was pressed against skin.

Xue Yang faked a yawn. His skin was prickling some kind of a warning. “You’re being boring,” he said. “You ever wonder if you could make me scream?”

“You’re loud enough as it is,” Song Lan said. His palms felt warm; he touched the scar under his collarbone like he hadn’t noticed it before. Xue Yang shivered, his nerves brightening.

“You should’ve seen it when it was fresh,” Xue Yang said. “Missed out, Song-daozhang.” Song Lan’s touch paused and he gave Xue Yang a quick look, not quite a frown. “There’s one on the back, too,” Xue Yang said. “Matches.”

Song Lan’s fingers lingered on the scar a moment longer, and Xue Yang flashed his teeth in a smile that felt a little uneasy, squirming restlessly. “If you want to break it open again you’re going to need more than your bare hands,” he said. “Though I’d kind of like to see you try.”

Song Lan shot him another one of those strange not-quite frowns and then shook himself.

“Why would I want to do that?” he said, apparently in genuine question, and Xue Yang had a moment of confusion before Song Lan’s hips pressed down against his, his robes enough out of the way that Xue Yang could feel his cock against his leg. He bucked like he would somehow be able to feel more of it that way.

“Are you gonna fuck me with that thing?” he asked. “Get it wet in my mouth and–” He felt the eager twitch of Song Lan’s cock and crowed gleefully. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, sounds good, right, you like it when I’m choking on your cock wedged in my throat–”

Song Lan put a hand over his mouth. “Be quiet,” he said, and Xue Yang was surprised enough that his voice died, and Song Lan smiled slightly. “Good,” he said, and Xue Yang had that feeling again like a kick in the chest. Xiao Xingchen could do that to him, did do that to him, but not Song Lan. He pulled his hand off Xue Yang’s mouth and said, “don’t rush me. I’m taking my time.”

A warning prickled at the back of Xue Yang’s brain, but it was a little fuzzy and he’d rather think about the slow rub of Song Lan’s body against his. Slow and sweet and before long he was squirming and gasping. Which Song Lan seemed to think was enough, that and his hands just petting Xue Yang’s face, his chest, his side. And every time Xue Yang tried to open his mouth Song Lan just covered it.

His body was starting to feel overworked, a little overloaded, and thoroughly confused. The one thing he was absolutely sure of was that he wanted more. He twisted, trying to wriggle his hips into a better position and gasping when Song Lan pressed down, the pressure exquisite even if on its own it wasn’t enough.

He bit Song Lan’s shoulder, hard. He heard Song Lan’s sharp inhale, the tensing of his body, only then he just said, “let go.”

Xue Yang bit down harder for a moment longer and then released him, giving Song Lan a bright, sharp grin that faltered when he saw the expression on Song Lan’s face. He didn’t look angry. Determined, and maybe a little amused, gaze intent.

“That’s it,” Song Lan said soothingly, the hand that wasn’t braced on the bed fanning out over his ribs. “That’s good.” Xue Yang quivered, the last of his smile dropping. An almost violent spasm rippling through his whole body, a small sound slipping out of his mouth before he could catch it. His hips bucked upwards and Song Lan’s pushed him back down, gentle but inexorable.

His head was spinning a little. “What,” he said, and then gathered himself and said, “aw, Zichen, you’re so sweet,” and reared up to bite him again, harder. Song Lan grunted and his fingers pressed into flesh - yes, better, Xue Yang thought a little wildly - but a moment later his touch softened again, eased.

Xue Yang let go of Song Lan’s shoulder, breathing hard, and stared up at Song Lan feeling profoundly off balance.

Song Lan’s hand moved up to brush his thumb over one of Xue Yang’s cheekbones, the faint scar left from Jin Guangyao’s attempt to have him killed. He felt his eyes go wide, his head tipping toward that touch.

“There,” Song Lan said. He sounded pleased. Xue Yang had no idea why. His heart was thudding very hard.

He squirmed. “Come on,” he said. “What’re you waiting for–”

“Nothing,” Song Lan said, sounding far too calm. “I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing.”

Xue Yang stared at him, confused, only then Song Lan dropped his hand from his face and palmed his cock gently through his underclothes and he just exhaled in a shuddery sigh. Arching up toward that pressure only to drop back down, panting.

“Don’t - fuck around,” he said, his voice stupidly thin. “You think you’re gonna make me beg for it, Zichen? Sorry, it’s gonna take more than that, I can barely–”

“You don’t have to beg,” Song Lan said smoothly. “I’m going to give it to you anyway.” He moved his hand in a slow circle, massaging Xue Yang’s cock and he let out an embarrassing sort of hiccup, body jumping up toward his hand which didn’t gain him any more force.

“You,” he said, short on breath. “You, you’re–”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Song Lan said. He sounded so calm, so steady. Like he wasn’t driving Xue Yang insane.

Xue Yang heaved an inhale that rushed out of his lungs a moment later. His eyes, for some reason, prickled, his hands twisting, tugging against Song Lan’s belt wound around his wrists. He felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin. He desperately wanted more.

“Motherfucker,” he said. “Fucking - is this all, is this the best you can do, I thought you said you were going to fuck me, fuck me up not–”

“You seem pretty undone to me,” Song Lan said, his voice almost smug. Xue Yang squirmed harder.

“Fuck you,” he said urgently. “Do you need me to, to - unh,” he broke off, when Song Lan put just a little more pressure on his increasingly needy cock.

“I know,” he said, almost soothingly. “But I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Why not,” Xue Yang said, somewhere between plea and hiss. He wanted it to be the latter but it sort of came out the former anyway.

“Why should I?” Song Lan asked, like that wasn’t the stupidest question in the world, or at least that Xue Yang had heard today. He stopped moving and just stared blankly at Song Lan, who stared steadily back at him.He looked determined, unsmiling as usual, but something weird and - and soft in his eyes. Xue Yang’s heartbeat kicked up and he wanted to dig his teeth into that exposed underbelly and at the same time his instincts were screaming danger even though he didn’t have any clue why.

“Cause that’s just - how it goes.” His fingers curled into his palms. “You do want to, don’t be - Xiao Xingchen’s not here and I’m not gonna tell him or anything if you’re worried about him getting pissed at you or whatever–”

“I’m not worried about that,” Song Lan cut in. Xue Yang swallowed hard.

“Then the fuck game are you playing,” he said, his voice rough and strange, sort of uneven.

“For an unfortunately clever man you can be very stupid about some things,” Song Lan said, and slid one hand around the back of his neck and kissed him. Light and quick and not super interesting or anything but Song Lan hadn’t done that before. Oh, sure, Xue Yang had kissed him, usually to fuck with him a little but it didn’t go the other way around and not like that, for sure, not like he was - was fucking Xiao Xingchen or something–

His chest heaved with the loud, gasping breaths he could hear himself taking. His head was spinning and he felt a little like Song Lan had kicked his legs out from under him and he was having a hard time getting back up.

“What d’you want,” Xue Yang said desperately, words slurring together. Song Lan let out a little huff that wasn’t quite a laugh.

“Like I said,” he said. “You’re unfortunately clever. I expect you’ll figure it out. Eventually.”

Xue Yang started to snarl but it broke off into a moan when Song Lan shoved his thigh between Xue Yang’s legs. He ground desperately against it, unable to help himself. Arched his hips up chasing more only for Song Lan to pull away again.

“Fuck,” he said, almost despairing. “Fuck, are you gonna fuck me or not–”

“I know, I know,” Song Lan said, almost soothingly, and Xue Yang was going to kill him and at the same time sort of wanted to just let go and ride it, see where the fuck Song Lan was taking him. Finally, though, finally Song Lan moved to pull off Xue Yang’s pants. Xue Yang panted as fabric dragged over his sensitive cock, then inhaled sharply when Song Lan brushed his fingers against Xue Yang’s leg, making him jump. He wavered back and forth between a vague feeling of humiliation and exposure and sheer hunger.

Song Lan paused, sat back, and looked at him. Xue Yang groaned. “Don’t just–”

“You are,” Song Lan said, tone sort of considering, “very handsome.”

Xue Yang blinked, startled momentarily out of his haze of lust. That was clever and handsome both in a very short time and he didn’t quite know what to make of it other than that it felt good in a way he very much associated with Xiao Xingchen, warm and sweet. “Huh,” he said. Song Lan’s expression twitched a little and he leaned forward, kissing him again, a little more this time. Still light and almost shy but it had Xue Yang reeling anyway, not that he hadn’t been already.

Any chance he might’ve had at collecting his thoughts vanished when Song Lan took his cock in hand. Loose, barely touching him at all but Xue Yang still groaned and thrust into his grip. “Tighter,” he said, but Song Lan didn’t seem to hear him, or just ignored him, the fingers of his left hand slotting into the spaces between Xue Yang’s ribs.

“Relax,” Song Lan said, and Xue Yang’s breathing hitched in a mixture of terror and incredulity. “Just let me…”

His thumb rubbed against the underside of the head of Xue Yang’s cock and he let out a thoroughly pathetic whine. It felt like he was slipping again and he didn’t know what he was going to hit when he fell.

“Fuck you,” he said, though it came out thin and small. Xue Yang tried to rally, pull himself back together. “Is this - come on, I could go to sleep right now, are you gonna do something interesting or what?” his voice was goading, mean, or at least it was trying to be, but Song Lan didn’t seem impressed.

“Hm,” he said, and let go of Xue Yang’s cock again, grabbing his wrists instead and pressing them down. “You don’t seem that bored,” he said. He sounded sort of amused again and Xue Yang’s mouth opened and closed without any words like a stupid dying fish. He felt dazed. Stunned. Like Song Lan had banged his head against the floor a few times, or something.

“Hit me,” Xue Yang said.

“No,” Song Lan said.

“Please,” Xue Yang said, his voice cracking, and for the first time Song Lan’s expression fractured a little, betraying uncertainty, and Xue Yang would’ve dug his fingernails into it if he could’ve but he was too - everything was too–

“You don’t ask Xingchen,” Song Lan said, which didn’t make any sense at all. Xue Yang just stared at him, wild-eyed, because what did Xiao Xingchen have to do with this anyway, Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t do it but Song Lan would because Song Lan wanted to hurt him, always had, that was just, that was how–

He heard the crack before he registered the sting of it, his head snapping to the side. Fireworks went off behind his eyes and his mind went blank. Empty and quiet.

Fingers touched his jaw and pulled his eyes back to Song Lan’s face, who was looking at him with a strange expression. “That’s better,” he said, and it was half reassurance and half question.

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said blurrily. His face was still hot. His cock throbbed. He flexed his fingers to feel the bindings dig into his wrists which felt like it was one of the only things keeping him from just drifting off.

“I’m not your enemy,” Song Lan said. It sounded like he thought it was important, so Xue Yang nodded even if he didn’t feel like he really got why.

“Okay,” he said. And then, “do it again,” because the sting was starting to fade and he wanted it back.

“No,” Song Lan said, after a brief hesitation, and Xue Yang felt a brief flare of disappointment before it died away. He sighed, though, a little sadly. It felt like he might’ve come if Song Lan’d done it. Just from that. Probably not but it sort of felt like maybe.

“Let me...let me take care of you,” Song Lan said, and the words felt a little like small pieces of glass, cutting little stinging wounds. His head was all messed up. Coming only sort of seemed to matter.

“Fuck me,” he said, voice wobbly. “Do it dry, I don’t care–”

“No,” Song Lan said again, but then he had Xue Yang’s cock in his hand and his palm felt slick and warm even when he was as hot as he was. His hips rabbited up, trying to fuck himself with Song Lan’s hand, but his muscles all felt half-liquid, scrambled like his head.

It was okay. Song Lan did the work for him, the way he liked it, and by the time he spilled in pulses over his stomach and Song Lan’s hand he could’ve howled if his throat hadn’t locked up.

He felt limp, wrung out. Xue Yang blinked slowly, hazily.

“Xue Yang,” said Song Lan’s voice, quietly.

“Uh huh,” he managed to say in acknowledgment, though his brain was still mostly off somewhere else.

“What am I to you?”

Xue Yang tried to think about that but it was really very hard to think and he didn’t know a good answer. It felt like there was an answer he was supposed to have but he didn’t.

“Tired,” he said instead.

Song Lan sighed. “Yes,” he said, “I suppose you are.” He sounded sort of disappointed, which made Xue Yang frown a little. He tried to focus.

“You’re...Song Lan,” he said.

“Yes, Xue Yang,” Song Lan said after a pause. “That’s true.”

“You’re Xingchen’s,” Xue Yang tried again.

“I’m not,” Song Lan started to say, and then paused and amended, “I suppose you could put it that way.”

“And mine, sort of,” Xue Yang ventured, because he was feeling loose and sort of daring and he wanted to see what would happen. “Even if we’re. You know. Not friends, or whatever.”

He didn’t know what to make of the long quiet that followed. So long that he pried his eyes open to see if Song Lan was even still there. He was. He didn’t say anything, though, just got up and started untying Xue Yang. There was a little bit of a bruise-ache in his wrists but it felt good, unlike the weird shivery prickling crawling over his skin as things started to come back together.

“Don’t leave,” he objected, just in case Song Lan was thinking about it.

“All right,” Song Lan said, after looking at him for a while. “I won’t.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and Xue Yang squirmed until he could drop his head in his lap.

“D’you wanna fuck my face,” he said.

“No,” Song Lan said, and then added, “thank you,” which made Xue Yang giggle a little. He was giving Xue Yang a weird look again, but he did that a lot. Xue Yang’d gotten used to it.

“Okay,” he said, and closed his eyes without thinking about how safe he was, or wasn’t. He was asleep within heartbeats.

**

Xue Yang was fast asleep and snoring a little when Xingchen and a-Qing returned. Song Lan hadn’t moved. It wasn’t like he had that much to do, and Xue Yang’s head on his leg wasn’t uncomfortable. Xue Yang, for his part, looked very comfortable.

“I’m here, Xingchen,” he said quietly. He heard a-Qing mutter something, but Xingchen came in, looking a little quizzical. Song Lan sighed and said, “Xue Yang is sleeping. On me.”

Xingchen smiled with radiant fondness that made Song Lan’s chest hurt.

“Sleeping on you,” he said. “Well.”

“He tells me,” Song Lan said, with a little bit of despair, “that we’re ‘not friends, or whatever.’” He’d also said Song Lan was his, which he didn’t know how to take.

Xingchen’s expression flickered and fell, though he recovered quickly.

“It’s not true,” he said. Song Lan let his silence speak for him, and Xingchen said, “he fell asleep on you. And still is, now. Whether he knows it or not, that is a certain amount of trust.”

Maybe, Song Lan thought, but I would like him to know it.

“He’ll get there, Zichen,” Xingchen said soothingly.

Maybe, Song Lan thought again. But he was also thinking about the flushed red of Xue Yang’s cheek after he’d hit him, and the exhilaration of doing it, the sharp stabbing hunger, and he had to wonder if, deep down, Xue Yang was right about him after all.

[psychewritesbs]

Is Megumi done dying to win?

Is Gojo the strongest?

This question came up on Instagram earlier today, and I mentioned that I was starting to feel like Gojo is not as infallible as we might have been led to believe. I added that in a battle between Gojo and a Megumi who has stepped into his potential, my money is on Megumi.

The way I see it, the only CT that can rival a limitless CT, is a CT of endless darkness--like Megumi’s shadow realm. 

Of course, I’m just speculating about Megumi’s shadow realm being one of endless darkness. 

But we do know that Gojo shared with Megumi that the 10 shadows CT has rivaled limitless in the past in chapter 117. Thus implying Megumi has the same potential.

But what struck me were the responses I got from others who still see Megumi as not having grown at all:

“Honestly same but Megumi doesn't even hesitate to throw his life away. It'll probably take him a lot of time to surpass Gojo (that is, if he doesn't kill himself).”

This type of comment about Megumi is not uncommon even though in chapter 109 Megumi literally tells us “even if I risk my life, I don’t plan on throwing it away”.

So all I can think is that people who think Megumi is still throwing his life away have either not read the Shibuya Arc or missed the nuances.

Meaning... during the Yasohachi bridge ordeal, when Megumi snapped, I wonder if he also realized that if he dies, he’s basically abandoning not just Tsumiki, but also Yuji and Nobara. It’s like the whole experience made him realize he’s more valuable alive than dead.

Gege shows us this new attitude and growth further when Megumi summons Mahoraga to kill Shigemo.

Ironically, Megumi is infamous for trying to summon Mahoraga every time he finds himself in a pinch. Megumi does it one too many times prior to the Shibuya Arc but is always somehow stopped before he goes through with the ritual.

Gojo even tells him that relying on Mahoraga as his trump card is what’s holding him back from getting stronger. Rightfully so.

But Megumi unleashing Mahoraga on Shigemo was actually not an act of desperation like in previous chapters, but rather a deliberate “F*CK YOU, even if I die, I’m going to win”.

Excuse my French.

Let me explain...

Megumi's overkill win over Shigemo

In other words, Megumi, just like he did when he manifested his DE back during the Yasohachi Bridge Arc, risked his life to win instead of dying to win.

By the time Shigemo gets to Megumi and injures him fatally, Megumi had already fought other enemies, he had exhausted his CE by using his DE while battling Dagon (an impressive feat as it is, and we already know it takes a huge toll on his body), AND he was also injured from his battle with Toji.

He was basically at his limit. This time, he really was at a point where he couldn’t run, he couldn’t fight, and he could probably barely defend himself. 

The interesting part is that he hesitates to summon Mahoraga with Toji, who compared to Shigemo is a real beast.

And yet, at the same time, you can tell he’s probably still coming up with ideas of what else he could do instead of summoning Mahoraga.

With Shigemo, on the other hand, he probably realized that his only choice if he wanted to win was to summon Mahoraga.

Because that's just it. In summoning Mahoraga against Shigemo, Megumi was making a statement. Not only was Megumi punishing Shigemo (he doesn’t like bullies, remember?), he was also fighting to win, even if it meant risking his life.

And nothing says “there was no way I would have let you win and now you get to pay the consequences” more than Megumi’s smug smile in the panel below.

To be honest, I’ve always found Megumi unleashing Mahoraga on Shigemo very overkill. He clearly had enough left in him to summon Mahoraga, so I am assuming he could have summoned Kon, or Nue, or Rabbit Escape.

But no. Megumi went for the cruelest, most overkill, most sadistic form of punishing and getting back at Shigemo. 

Mahoraga.

Had Sukuna not intervened, Mahoraga would have had Shigemo with his toast for breakfast.

It would take Megumi a LONG TIME to catch up to Gojo

Or would it?

With the Culling Games around the corner, and with the possible foreshadowing that Sukuna’s plans will make Megumi suffer, I shared how I believe Gege has beat Yuji’s ego to a pulp, but so far Megumi has been spared Gege’s cruelty.

As it’s been stated before, the learning curve of a Jujutsu Sorcerer is not a kind one. It usually takes for a JJS to have their backs against a wall for them to grow exponentially.

Above all, having read chapter 158, I am wondering just how willing Megumi would be to kill others for Tsumiki’s sake, and what that means for his mental health.

Would he come to enjoy it as much as he enjoyed punishing Shigemo?

I guess we’ll find out.

The Jujutsu Kaisen Project

Anyways, thanks so much for nerding out with me. I LOVE reading your comments and chatting about JJK theory, so don’t hesitate to leave a comment!

That being said, in order to write this analysis I just went through 26 JJK manga chapters to find these particular panels of Megumi highlighting his subtle change in perspective regarding relying on his “trump card”. The good news is that this allowed me to start cataloguing the manga chapters like the total organizational nerd that I am.

If, like me, it would help to read a quick synopsis of the chapter so that you can find what you’re looking for more efficiently, then the Jujutsu Kaisen Project might help you. It is a work in progress so just bear with me as I work my way through the manga in search for more juicy foreshadowing and details.

[skeche]

AU where og!hc meets modern!xl. xl is learning how to handle it.

He had strawberry in his mouth. 

Xie Lian smiles in joy at the sight: his cute pursed lips around the strawberry and large hands cupping the tiny plate gently. He screamed cuteness but Xie Lian knew he wouldn't take kindly to being called cute. 

Hua Cheng looks back at him with a bored expression, chewing. He handled the encounter with the duo surprisingly with ease, very in character for Hua Cheng. He tells him as much. 

"San Lang, you did so well! You really acted like… well, yourself!" He breaks away from the loveseat he was leaning against to stand in front of him. He's slightly bouncing on the balls of his heels in excitement. 

Hua Cheng glances away to swallow before giving a small smile. "I did as gege told me, I acted as I usually would. The two idiots are unsurprisingly just as annoying as my world."

Xie Lian's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Your world… Are they there too? Are there other versions of people that are here?" 

"I'm sorry, gege, I'm not sure. But we can assume so, yes." 

He nods. "Very interesting. I wonder if your version of me is here? And my San Lang-" He stops and looks curiously at Hua Cheng. 

He bites into the last strawberry, innocent, his slightly pointed teeth making the fruit bleed onto his lips. They were dying them a deeper red. He makes a curious noise for Xie Lian to continue. 

"Is he in your world? Is it dangerous there?" 

His gut twists with concern but Hua Cheng's expression stays steady. "Yeah, he should be fine. My butterflies have been looking around this entire time and haven't found him or- you, anywhere." 

He walks over to the kitchen and lets the uneaten strawberry stems and leaves fall into the garbage can, just as Feng Xin did earlier.

"My world is dangerous but, if I am the only one to come over here and switch places with him, then he is in good hands."

He sounds confident but Xie Lian can't stop himself from biting his lip. Well, there wasn't much he could do for now, anyway. Speaking of which…

"Are you going to go back? How did you get here?" He trails along to the kitchen and leans against the island as Hua Cheng puts the plate in the sink along with a few others.

He was surprisingly adept at using context clues to maneuver this world, if his own world was more behind in technology as Xie Lian suspects.

"I'm sorry gege, I do not know the answer to either." 

"Hm." He crosses his arms in thought as Hua Cheng continues.

"I am in the middle of investigating how to return, though. If there really are other versions of those I know, I have a few leads." He oozed confidence that Xie Lian didn't quite feel, but he trusted him.

"With your little butterflies?"

"Mh."

"What else can you do other than change your looks?" He tilts his head as Hua Cheng seems to nervously fidget his hands together. He twisted his fingers iver his left middle finger, as if to touch a ring, but stop when they reach only skin.

He stares down at his hands before saying, "I can do whatever gege needs of me. This San Lang is your humble servant." 

Xie Lian blushes at such serious wording. Although his own Hua Cheng has said similar, it was never as if Xie Lian was his master. 

He waves his hand in front of him nervously. "Nonsense! San Lang is no servant of mine, he is my friend. I was just curious." 

Hua Cheng gives him a mirthful look with a crooked smile. It was endearing to see. "Very well. I can do many things, what would you like me to do?" 

Xie Lian hums in thought and crosses his arms again. What could he ask him to do? He said he was a ghost king, did that mean he had a whole country do his bidding? Did he walk through walls, go invisible like a ghost? 

"Can you walk through walls?" 

"Hm, essentially, I suppose. Would gege like to see?" 

He nods eagerly and watches as Hua Cheng steps out from the counters to the wall directly next to his bedroom. If he walked through it he would be right next to where he kept Ruoye. 

Hua Cheng takes out a pair of dice seemingly from his pockets and rolls them in the air. A light filters in a rectangle in front of him on the wall. He glances back at Xie Lian before stepping into it- the light disappears as if shattered. 

Xie Lian stands there with his eyes wide for a moment before running to his bedroom door. When he opens it he sees Hua Cheng studying the enclosure Ruoye hid in. It was currently out and passively flicking its tongue at him. He had his hand slowly reaching to touch him.

He really stepped through the wall.

[seoafin]

Hello!!

I'm back again with another ask, I'm just very excited to see a blog that interprets Gojou in the same manner as me (lol I think I follow like 4 blogs for Gojou content) and writes him in a manner that I really vibe with and such! Also! I know my asks are long so please don't feel the need to answer right away, take your time!!

Yes, yes! I do think that Gojou is introspective, but he's just so round about and awkward when it comes to expressing his emotions, pls he's so sad and pathetic (affectionate) (altho! I think this aspect of him makes him very human in a story that emphasizes his power and god-likeness so much, y'know?)

And omg yes! HS Gojou would have been the biggest tsundere!! I completely agree with you there!! Pls he would be all loud and jokey and just an overall menace to you, but inside, his heart is beating like crazy, and his brain cells are fighting for their lives, it takes his all his will power to not combust LOLLL pls he's so ridiculous, I love him 🥺

Gojou being extra touchy and clingy my beloved 💗 I just know that Gojou is soooo touch starved, and that when reader breaks down his walls, and is physically affectionate with him, he like descends into the clouds, he would become so addicted to their touch, and being without it would be torture for him (lol I think I could write like a whole essay on Gojou being touched stared 😭) and he would be so whiny and pouty when you don't give him attention, a whole man child honestly LMFAO

LOL your tag about shoujo always having a special place in your heart is ASHGAFIOBHADF, cuz SAME, I've read so many shoujo manga, and watched so many kdramas and 90s bollywood movies that have just filled my brain with romantic fantasies LMAOASLAFB And I think it is very apparent because the very first fic that I wrote for Gojou a few months ago was soo shoujo-esque in its just overall vibes, and even the one I'm working on right now has like shojou-esque vibes and scenes, and even when I draw Gojou, I draw him in a shoujo-esque manner (I had a moot tag a sketch of him as shoujo gojo LOL) anyways all of this is to say is that I totally support your shoujo agenda, and that Gojou should be written as the lovesick and insane and obsessive and pathetic male lead of a shoujo manga 💗

Ahhh I'm glad you liked my dad Gojou drawing!! He is very dear to me, and while I think that Dad Gojou would not be a perfect father, he would do his best, and make sure that his children feel very loved and adored ASKJAS idk if Gege will give Gojou a happy ending, but in my little ame-universe, I will give him a happy and loving family and a thousand happy endings and more 🥺💗(LOL I have fully accepted and embraced the fact that I am SOFT for Gojou ALIFOBJADG)

Also your tag about 'gojo's breeding kink > gojo' like no you're right, I get it and totally agree with you there AVHDOIBHDBALBFDBHDB

Also thank you for explaining the pun! I found it really interesting, and now I'm just sitting here and wondering if Gojou is just walking around making puns all the time, and if that is another reason added to Megumi's growing list of why he finds Gojou annoying LOL (altho on a serious note, I wish the official english translations included this note because I think something as small as this adds to Gojou's overall character especially since Gege I think does a really good job of showing his characters in a few lines, but alas, 😭)

Ahhh this ask also got out of control LOL but thank you for listening to me rant about Gojou! I'm having a lot of fun talking about him with you!! 🥺💗

the two of us talking about gojo is literally that clown to clown communication meme i have somewhere in my phone gallery

i think especially when it comes to love hs gojo was like. i will just Not Think About It. and then proceeds to do the worst thing ever to sabotage his chances of ever getting together (rip!mc is oblivious but gojo is also 100% at fault) like it's honestly CLOWN behavior how much he pretends he's not affected by anything but he IS and he makes a fool out of himself everytime!!!!

i feel like clingy touch starved gojo is the one thing the fandom CAN come to a consensus on and it's hilarious bc i bet he is so unbearable about it and makes it everyone's business how much he misses his s/o to the point where they're like just go.

also sooo true about shoujo manga. i think we SHOULD romanticize this man to make him bearable. make him smitten. make him pathetic. make him your poor little meow meow. as a treat. "Gojou should be written as the lovesick and insane and obsessive and pathetic male lead of a shoujo manga" so true bestie so true. i knew we were kindred spirits when you said that in your first ask amen.

and yes!!!!! your drawing definitely had shoujo vibes it was adorable!!!!!! gojo would NOT be a perfect dad i agree but he would try his best so he gets points for that ig.....

[xz1005fanblog]

2021-02-27 Some things I want to say

WARNING LONG POST

Context first, translation of his post above will follow:

Disclaimer: I have no interest in other artists other than Xiao Zhan, and I am merely explaining the situation of the fandom in China that led us to the fiasco in March 2020. I do not care for bjyx, I ship WangXian but I do not ship real people as a basic principle.

My opinion as an international fan of Xiao Zhan and as an AO3 user (yes, I am not Chinese nor do I live in China, I just happen to be able to read Chinese) is that C-entertainment industry is TOXIC and celebrities are not free targets for you to cyberbully. They are human just like you and me. 

Everyone needs to learn a bit more about compassion. 

I am sure all of you read about the cyberbullying Xiao Zhan went through last year. There were multiple factors that started all of this, most of which XZ doesn’t talk about in this letter because of how sensitive the topic is in China. I’ve never explained entirely what happened because I personally thought that this is not something overseas fans should worry too much about. Especially since most of you don’t have a wb or db account, there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. But since Xiao Zhan himself decided to post a letter to respond to this subject, I’ll put in my 2 cents just that so everyone is on the same page.

Basically, after The Untamed aired in China, the show fandom split into 3 groups. XZ fans, WYB fans, and CP fans (or bjyx, whatever you wish to call it, those who love shipping these two real people together - not just the characters in the drama). Of course there are still people who would watch the show without becoming a fan of the actors.

At the beginning, most people thought they were good friends with each other, with all the short BTS clips from The Untamed. However, fans slowly discovered that it wasn’t the case. Some unofficial BTS clips emerged where WYB said XZ was shooting multiple dramas at the same time = 轧戏 (which is very frowned upon and a disrespectful thing to say to an actor), whereas in reality, XZ only asked for a couple of days days off during the shooting for The Untamed because his scenes in Joy of Life had to be redone and he was bound by contract. On the contrary, WYB had to ask for most weekends off because he was participating in Produce 101 at the time. Other clips shows them fighting about somethings WYB said about WWX, which made XZ mad. So this broke a lot of CP fans’ image of their relationship, and they either stopped shipping/became XZ or WYB fans only. This angered WYB’s fans, of course, which made them blame XZ for the entire fiasco.  

Other incidents continued to happen after the show which increased the friction between these 3 fan groups. XZ fans and WYB fans would fight about various voting charts, and fight with CP fans because they don’t like seeing the two actors together. In the meantime, CP fans continuously feminize and weaken XZ in order to ship the 2 actors together (it’s rather an unhealthy trend in China, I’ve been in multiple other western fandoms before - not real person shipping - but we rarely glorify weakening/feminizing the bottom of a ship, because of the underlying prejudice against real homosexuals, who are not synonymous to transgenders).

Some incidents added oil to the fire afterwards. It’ll take me too long to explain everything, so I’ll just put here the main ones to explain why there’s so much bad blood between these 3 groups of fans.

On XZ’s birthday, some CP fans found XZ’s parents’ apartment building and yelled BJYX is real. This angered a lot of XZ fans, because of how disrespectful it was towards the old couple and the clear breach of privacy. WYB fans and some CP fans were also angry that XZ didn’t reply immediately to the birthday wish on wb that WYB sent at midnight (??? XZ was busy shooting a drama, can you blame him for not being on wb at midnight? Give the guy a break.)

In November 2019, WYB filed a lawsuit against some of XZ’s fans (instead against of his own haters!) for dissing him (although I’ve never seen any proof, and a few of those fans remain active on wb now, one of whom has even defended WYB's portrayal of LWJ before...). This angered a lot of XZ fans and CP fans who didn’t understand how he could have done this to his “friend”, and further proved that their relationship wasn’t that fantastic to begin with. WYB fans felt justified in hating XZ and all XZ fans as a result, and openly bullied XZ fans on the grounds of the Nanking CQL Concert. 

In January, The Untamed was named to Beijing Journal Drama award. CP fans and WYB fans were unhappy that XZ was named to the Best Male Lead category and WYB was named to the Best Male 2nd Lead. They attacked the award committee wb by spam commenting all their wb posts and the entire drama was pulled from the nomination afterward. XZ fans were especially angry that they started all this only for the nomination to be pulled out - because the only possibility was one Male Lead per drama, and anyone would agree that if chosen between WWX and LWJ, the character with the most scenes and importance in the story is WWX. 

Yadda yadda yadda, fast forward to February 2020, it started with a fanfiction written by a CP fan that depicted XZ as a prostitute transgender woman and WYB as a highschool kid (UNDERAGE) = AKA very sensitive material in China. It was posted on AO3, but the author posted the link of said fic on wb and a lot of CP fans broadcasted it around, so much that XZ fans became aware of it. Due to how sensitive the material is and how badly it would taint XZ’s image for his future roles, some XZ fans started reporting the wb post that contained the link (NOT AO3) and the author’s wb page. This is common practice in fandom on wb, usually done to get the wb posts taken down. This caused panic in the CP fans crowd because they thought XZ fans were reporting AO3 and that they were gonna lose the website (which is impossible, because AO3′s servers are in Sweden and not subject to Chinese laws anyway). 

Because of how sensitive AO3 was in China and how haters tried to pull in antigovernmental into their crowds, the subject quickly became too dangerous for XZ fans to get involved in. Official fan groups in China unanimously decided to ask all fans to stop participating in the online debate and stay within the fan group circle only. 

Someone on AO3 made a commentary about this incident that you can find here. She dug up a lot of info on the companies feeding money to the trolls online, but as I am an overseas fan and cannot really verify her info, I will not comment on those statements. 

Sometime in the middle of this fiasco, someone started spreading the notion that XZ fans hated fanfiction and were trying to report anything that goes against their image of their idol... And subsequently people who were not CP fans or XZ fans became aware of this problem when they couldn’t access AO3 suddenly because too much curious fans where trying to access it and they crashed the servers. However later on, people could access the website without any problems. I am not personally in China right now so I can’t verify these claims of the website being walled or not for real, but I know from various reliable sources that on March 1st it was only an overload of the server, and people could still access afterwards. 

With this however, haters (which include previous CP fans, WYB fans, and other idol’s fans) attacked XZ for not telling his fans to stop reporting, for not saying anything. They attacked XZ’s endorsements and spammed hate speech on the products he was promoting. They would rate 1 star in all his dramas and songs on db, and then buy accounts to further rate 1 stars (yes that thing exists in China, everything can be bought in China, don’t ask me why.) The reason why I believe that all this wasn’t coincidental, is that barely the day after the fiasco started, someone posted on db the exact list of all his sponsorships, detailing exactly who to call to protest, what words to spam in the comment sections of various official brands’ wb accounts. This entire thing was too well planned to be just a normal fandom fight. 

Whether it was other actors’ fans who organized this to cut down competition, we will probably never know for sure. The following year was laden with fake rumors, hate speech blasting from multiple directions. They attacked his personality, saying that his polite manners are just for show (when the reality is that he has always been a gentleman even when he wasn’t popular). They attacked XZ for faking donations to Wuhan, forcing him to show his donation certificate to prove himself. One of his friends couldn’t stand the cyberbullying anymore and revealed publicly that his grandfather recently passed away (the date on this drawing is 2020.03.03, he couldn’t post this last year). 

His friend defending him from the cyberbullies, saying that he had plenty of reasons to stay silent. That his grandfather passed away recently and his family has been planning his funeral. 

(Sources also said that his mother was hospitalized a few days afterwards. And that haters went to his mother’s hospital to harass her and her nurses)

Haters saying that XZ is using his grandfather’s death to excuse himself (??? is he not allowed to grieve like a normal person???)

Haters wishing that XZ becomes depressed from the cyberbullying and kills himself, wishing that he was dead, wishing that his fans were dead too. Photoshopping his picture into a funeral portrait to curse him

Haters admitting they are cyberbullying XZ, but rejoicing in the fact that they are so many so XZ can’t sue all of them. They have also reported his upcoming dramas for various reasons just so they cannot be aired. 

The airplane incident I’ve already talked about here.

A picture antis made to diss on XZ fans: AO3 can be still accessed even if it’s walled, Lofter can be still access even if it’s taken down from the app store. Your gege’s picture are still accessible even if he died. 

I’ve only posted here the tamest screenshots, there are far worst ones that I won’t be posting because the amount of vitriol give me nausea just looking at them. 

In all this fiasco, antis gave him the tag of “idol who didn’t manage his fans well”. But Xiao Zhan never thought fans needed to be trained, he thought of them like normal people, and their love, something to be treasured and not used. But some people in China still blamed his fans for starting all this mess, and partly him and his studio for not being able to stop it. 

Below is the translation for XZ’s letter, posted on the wb post above

Some Things I Want To Say

Today, I have something to say to everyone. I’ve thought of a lot of ways to do this, but in the end, I chose the simplest way to tell everyone about all my feelings and thoughts in the past year. These opinions, maybe they won’t be able to represent anything, nor won’t they be able to change anything, but I still wish to say this today. 

On this day last year, the incident happened very quickly, as if a bomb exploded on my face - endless phone calls, never ending message notifications, everyone’s opinions and questions came in like a tsunami. I wanted to say something back then, but I didn’t know what exactly. I was apprehensive of making a statement, afraid that one wrong word, or one wrong sentence would be taken the wrong way and end up adding oil to the fire. This is why at that time, I chose not to say anything. 

I never thought that the online fighting would grow bigger and bigger like an avalanche, getting larger crowds involved, and gradually leaving one person’s control. Even though afterwards I made repeated statements to make amends, it could not develop as I wished it to anymore. 

This life filled with broken protests and tumultuous noise continued to this day. And I felt I was going through a very dark and never ending tunnel. Unrest, ruminations, turmoil... I have also asked myself what did I do wrong exactly, why did everything after that day became as if it were an uncontrollable vessel. 

I spent a lot of time to digest, and then spent a lot of time to understand, understand everyone’s words and actions. Slowly, I started to understand what everyone was criticizing about me personally. The moment that I chose not to say anything, I lost that window of opportunity to reason with everyone. So I was wrong, from the very beginning. 

At that time, I wasn’t yet able to clearly understand the entire incident, to understand everyone’s feelings, nor did I know what kind of responsibility I had to carry as a public figure. Thus, I missed that opportunity to communicate with everyone, and wasn’t able to withstand the responsibility of letting these antagonizing feelings grow. Now, I can clearly recognize that throughout this year, this criticism that everyone had against me of “Idol Who Lost Its Voice”, was correct. During this year I reflected upon this repeatedly, as a public figure, I have to not only improve myself within the boundaries of my profession, but also have to carry the social responsibility that comes with my influence. To influence those who like me, who follow me, towards the right worldviews within my capacity. Even though my studio and I have already expressed some opinions through wb and interviews, but scars that this incident that brought such antagonistic emotions between different circles are still difficult to heal. 

No matter how late, my own problem has to be corrected. I would like to express my first comment: Xiao Zhan, would like to apologize for “losing voice” towards those who have been affected by this incident. This is my first responsibility towards the public, face the problem and admit my faults. 

Also, I would like to use this opportunity to speak with my fans. This is my second responsibility. In one of my interviews last year, I have said, I do not really agree with “managing” my fans (some celebs in China have hired people to manage fan groups in order for them to behave in certain ways for their purposes. Antis tried to spread the false rumor that XZ also had those people and that they directed their fans to start this mess), because everyone is an individual. No matter my studio nor myself, we do not have the authority to “manage” them like some would manage workers in a company. Afterwards, I reflected many times, maybe I cannot use the word “manage” to define my relationship with my fans, but I do have the responsibility to “correctly influence, and actively advocate”. So today, I would like to tell my fans, everyone has the right to like or hate something, and it should be respected and allowed within their own space. Of course this right should be reasonable, should not hurt anyone else, and remain within the boundaries of the correct values and norms. I hope my fans and friends can understand that no matter which profession, no matter what age, one’s own preferences or actions should not cross the line for one’s professional ethics or disrespect basic principles. 

(Here he is referring to reports of teachers using his name in class or asking children to say his name to cheer for him. This is a problem that occurred also with other celebrities in China, and for which he has already expressed himself previously.)

No matter online or in real life, everyone should be responsible for their own words. I also hope that we are not represented tags like “xx’s fans”, that we do not set this as the basis of where we stand on a topic nor do we let this determine what’s right or wrong. Everyone have their own hobbies and interest, respect everyone’s choice and freedom of speech. No matter whether they like me or hate me is their own right. Passion, this should be a source of strength to everyone, I do not wish for it to consume or hurt anyone. Perhaps I cannot change this kind of environment, but at least for you and me, today is a new start point. 

At last, I would like to talk a bit about myself. Ever since I came into this field, until today, I have always been defined by some tags. But the reason why I originally stepped into this circle was my passion for performance and music. And this is why, I will keep working on becoming a better actor and singer. The sudden criticism of “having lost voice” made me realize that, other than what I have always focused on professionally, I have to also be able to carry the responsibility of a public figure and an idol. I was born in a normal family in Chong Qing, and have lived a normal life, like many other people, for more than twenty years. Today I will also use this opportunity to apologize for the words I have said before as a normal person (I’ve already talked about it here), for the people I have inadvertently hurt. As I work hard on studying to become a better person, I will try to become a better “public figure”, so that these two Xiao Zhan can blend in together, for a better self. 

This past year, no matter big or small, I have to be responsible for the incidents that happened because of me. I can demand this for myself, but I have no right to force it on other people, so I can only hope that those who really like me can really listen to me: please be a bit more reasonable for things outside of personal preferences. Live a healthy life, put more time and energy onto one’s real life, and less on the senseless fighting behind fake IDs and unreliable online world. Only to become a better self. 

(Here he’s referring to an online fight that an anti called 晨小晨 started. I’ve already explained a bit here.  #微博管理员回应晨小晨事件# )

Sorry for any grammar errors, this post was really long to make and I didn’t proofread. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to translate the entire thing for overseas fans since you don’t understand the entire context, and because I wanted my wb records collection tag to be complete, I felt I had to... and I got carried away trying to explain everything. Tried to summarize it as much as I could.

As a fan of Xiao Zhan and also an AO3 user, I would still like to apologize for how this bullshi*t ended up disrupting respectful and peaceful users of AO3. The Untamed tag did not contain hate fics before all of this happened, it is unfortunate that a place where there used to be only love, ended up being tainted by antis and haters.

To the anonymous person who asked me a few months ago if I supported bjyx, this is my answer: You have the right to like whatever you want within your own corner, as long as it doesn’t bother anyone else and isn’t against basic principles. I ship WangXian as characters from a novel, but I have never liked RPS as a principle. 

[forgotten-envies]

For prompts-- lan wangji teaches wwx how to do something new! ❤️❤️ Thank you for the food 😊

Oof. I’m sorry this took so long. Still, it’s done! Soft and sweet! Thank you for the prompt and I hope you like it!

Oh and I Think This Is the Best Day of My Life

It’s late, probably, when Wei Wuxian stumbles toward the kitchens. It’s hard to tell when the sky is dark and he’s just waking up after a nice nap (he’d call it sleep, but he reserves that term for the peaceful rest he gets when Lan Zhan’s in bed with him.) Anyway, the Lans aren’t out and as far as he knows, he’s never woken up naturally before chenshi.

He can see some light in the building brushing the stones outside its windows a homely orange. He hopes this means there’s someone in there and not that a fire’s been made for overnight baking. Fires, unlike people, don’t respond to his natural charisma and furthermore can't fold dumplings. He’s really craving dumplings.

His stomach growls and he nearly growls back. It’s gotten far too comfortable as Lan Zhan’s husband. There was really no need to be woken from sleep just to eat.

He reaches the door, but can’t smell anything baking. Hopefully there’s a person, then, a generous Lan willing to feed the spouse of their Chief Cultivator. Wei Wuxian’s face molds easily into a pout and he slides open the door.

On the other side, Lan Zhan tilts his eyes up from the cabbage he’s chopping for a brief moment to meet Wei Wuxian’s surprised gaze. He’d expected him to be stuck in a late meeting or finishing letters where his husband could be sure he wouldn’t disturb Wei Wuxian’s sleep. Honestly, he’d prefer that Lan Zhan stay near him, even if he’d be kept up, but he appreciates the consideration.

Instead, Lan Zhan is standing in the kitchen still wearing the Chief Cultivator getup, sans outermost robe, but it’s trailing sleeves are tied back and his face is relaxed in a way it never is while performing his duties. Deft, calloused hands gather a bundle of onions and begin dicing them.

Wei Wuxian pulls the door closed behind him and drifts over, confused. Had Lan Zhan been so focused that he missed dinner? It must be. They hadn’t been able to see each other today, as occasionally happened, and Wei Wuxian hadn’t been there to use his Lan Zhan charming skills to get him to put off his duties long enough to eat.

"Is this a late dinner, Lan er-gege?" He can't help the teasing tone. He's impressed that Lan Zhan's awake at whichever hour it is.

Lan Zhan only gives him a pointed look.

"What? You should've eaten earlier. Just 'cause I'm not there to nag doesn't mean the Chief Cultivator should fast. You need food in you!"

Lan Zhan's gaze slips briefly to the side and then back down at the dark, reddish liquid he's mixing, likely a dipping sauce or glaze. It's the Lan Zhan equivalent of an eyeroll. Wei Wuxian just laughs and leans forward, picking up another finished bowl of liquid and swirling it around.

"So what'cha making? I came in here for a snack but the aunties already left, so I'll have to bother you instead."

"A snack?" His husband's voice is low and unimpressed, but teasing.

"Sure! I woke up and this weak stomach won't leave me alone, so I came to beg for some dumplings. What? Are you worried I'll eat out my welcome in midnight snacks?"

"Was your dinner not sufficient?"

He waves a hand dismissively. "Oh no, it was great! Though not your cooking, of course. I much prefer the chili oil and spices you add to whatever it is they teach Lans to make. Only you can fulfill my needs so well!" Honestly, Wei Wuxian can't remember having dinner, or really much of the last day at all if he tries to think about it, but it's not like that's entirely uncommon. And he usually remembers to eat! So he must've at some point. The disciples know to deliver his meals to the jingshi.

"So when will it be done? And what are you making? I hope you know I'll steal some, Lan Zhan. What's yours is mine!"

"If you are impatient, you may have that." He points to further down the table where a tray of food sits. It's disappointingly gray in tone; he'd much rather wait for whatever it is Lan Zhan's making.

"What's this? Your dinner? You really should have eaten it when it was still warm. Most of those people don't deserve your time, anyway!" Wei Ying is toeing the line, close to hating his husband's position. Sure, it's fulfilling and impactful, but Lan Zhan's really worse off for it and those chirping Sect Leaders monopolize his time which means that Wei Ying can't.

"It is not."

"Ah? Not what? It's definitely cold by now!" He pokes it to prove his point.

"It is not mine."

"What, did someone else refuse to eat, too? You Lans may not act human, but you are! Food is important! Though really, how could the Chief Cultivator lower himself so? Let the poor disciple get his own food!"

Wei Wuxian hears a conspicuous huff. A tiny smile sits on Lan Zhan's face, the crooked one that means he's laughing at someone and Wei Wuxian is the only other person in the room.

"It is yours."

That... makes a lot of sense. "It is?"

"You were asleep on the floor when I came in at xushi. The food was uneaten."

Well. That explains why he couldn't remember most of today. "You moved me to the bed? Aww that's so sweet! Oh! And your cooking! You stayed up to feed me?”

"Mn. Wei Ying needs to eat." Lan Zhan is tossing a bowl of chopped-up greens now. They are covered in a promising orange, though.

Wei Wuxian laughs, a little sheepishly. "I guess I do."

"Do you know why you were unconscious?"

"Uhh... no? I don't really remember anything past breakfast." He'd planned to spend yesterday in his little workshop close to the jingshi (separate so their house wouldn't be destroyed by a stray talisman) but he didn't know why he would've..."Wait! I-" He clears his throat. "I do. Remember that transportation talisman I made? For Jin Ling? Well, I think I tested it, and apparently the amount of energy it uses isn't much different from the traditional version, despite the shorter distance. It worked though! I got to the jingshi!"

The talisman was a joke, meant to transport the user only a short distance away. It would be a perfect escape from a wall, though. Jin Ling might refuse to speak with him for a week after he gifts it, but in his opinion it's worth it to give Jin Ling's friends material to tease him with.

"Mn. Your spiritual energy is not sufficient to use them." He's pouring oil on his creation, now.

"Well I know that now!" He wasn't planning to use it again. At least not before making a few tweaks. He couldn't endanger his nephew, after all! "Soooo... what'cha making?"

"Dumplings."

"What, really?! Oh, when will they be done?"

"I am almost ready to fold them."

"That really doesn't answer my question. Will it be soon? And how soon is soon? I don't want to fall asleep right here!"

"If you cannot wait, you may help." Lan Zhan says, holding out a thin circle of dough.

He's about to protest. After all, the juniors all say he can't cook without making a victim of the intended recipient, but if he is the one it's for... he rinses his hands off in a nearby water basin and takes the dough. He's never had a problem eating his own cooking.

Lan Zhan motions him over to his side of the table and picks up another circle. There's a dozen of them, perfectly shaped and ready to be made into dumplings. Wei Wuxian had seen Shijie and the servants make these many times. Even though it's been a lifetime since then, he still gets the basic theory.

He spoons a generous helping of the filling into the middle of the dough and brings the edges to the center, so it looks like a lumpy ball with a strange flowery part at the top. He grins and looks up at Lan Zhan.

His husband looks horrified.

Still, he moves slowly and carefully takes the overflowing ball of goodness, gently prying it open. "What, no! Put it in the steamer, Lan Zhan!"

There's a heavy sigh that speaks of the many hours of headache Lan Zhan has lived through today. "Wei Ying, no." He separates the ball back into a circle and removes some of the filling. "Do it like this. Only use a little." When there's what Lan Zhan has deemed to be a perfectly sized pat of filling, he brings two opposite points on the rim of the circle together and folds the ends so that they nearly, but not quite, touch this middle point. "Do not make it like a ball. It should lay on its side." Then he presses the lined up edges together so that they're sealed. At this point, he takes Wei Wuxian's limp, empty fingers and runs them along the edge. "If they are not sealed, the filling will come out." He hands the completed dumpling to Wei Wuxian. "Now you may put this in the steamer."

Wei Wuxian is thankful he remembers to brush oil on the bottom of the steamer before putting Lan Zhan’s dumpling in it. He’s trying to prove he’s not a hopeless cook, after all.

When he turns back, Lan Zhan hands him a slip of dough and picks up his own. Wei Wuxian gets the message and goes to stand beside him. His husband is a great teacher, but typically he’s instructing disciples in the best method to banish spirits or giving lectures on boring topics like the Lan ancestors. Here, though, he’s simply teaching Wei Wuxian how to fold dumplings. The domesticity of it brings a smile to his face

Together, they add the filling and fold the dough, Lan Zhan adjusting his technique with warm hands around Wei Wuxian’s own. In this way they work for several minutes, each revelling in the peace and intimacy of being here together, working together. He thinks of Lotus Pier’s kitchens, a nighthunt’s campfire, and the warmth of an oven, a little cabin rising behind it. He thinks the feeling would stay the same, no matter where they might be.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan.” Contentment fills him, and suddenly he’s tired, eyes heavy in this comfortable atmosphere.

“Mn.”

Wei Wuxian adds filling to the last bit of dough and leans into his husband’s side as he folds it, resting his head on a broad shoulder. The dumpling doesn’t look like Lan Zhan’s, still a bit uneven, but he lays it in the steamer and laughs a little at the difference between his and Lan Zhan’s.

“Lan Zhan’s are perfect.” His voice is happy, blissful.

His husband puts an arm around his waist and puts on the steamer’s lid. “Wei Ying’s are unique.”

That startles a laugh from Wei Wuxian and he nudges Lan Zhan’s side, urging him to get the dumplings cooking and soothe his rumbling stomach. He settles by the table, chin resting on one hand. The fire, newly started by his husband, warms him.

Note: Chenshi is the shichen or two-hour block after maoshi, the Lan wake-up time. Chenshi goes from 7:00-8:59 am. Xushi goes from 7:00-8:59 pm. This is using the traditional system instead of the Song Dynasty system, which starts on even hours.

Title from “Little Amens” by David Hodges.

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[presumenothing]

wherefore // 几生轮回

unfinished nirvana in fire fic for @goodintentionswipfest​

(aka the kimi no na wa au that i posted the first part of in 2018 before being once again reminded that i am physically incapable of plot. sections i-iii are complete, rough outline follows afterwards)

i.

When Jingyan wakes up in another body, his first reaction is to be altogether grateful that he’s spent much more time at the borders and generally out of the capital than your average nobility. The slightest breath of unusually chilly morning air is enough to confirm that this is all the way to the border – of Liang and Da Yu, Jingyan suspects, much further north than even he’s ever gone.

(…well actually his first reaction is a flat startled “what”, right before he’d pinched himself to check if he’s still dreaming, but Jingyan figures anyone would’ve done the same anyway.)

The first bell of morning rings outside, and out of long habit Jingyan swings his feet off the bed and makes to rise before he can entirely realise what a terribly bad idea that is.

At least he manages to catch himself with a hasty hand on the bedframe. He’s even less coordinated than he was right after his growth spurt, when Jingyu-gege had kept a very straight face and not laughed at him at all.

That’s when Jingyan sees it: the ring of a silver bracelet around his ar– well, not his arm, but currently-his arm. Whatever.

He runs a light finger over the cool metal surface, over the deep grooves of an emblem that curls like flames and the shallower etch of a name. Lin Shu, it says.

Jingyan stands, properly this time, and goes to peer out the window, wondering if this Lin Shu can afford to take a day off. Whoever he is.

.

As it turns out, the answer to that is a resounding no, because Lin-Shu-whoever-he-is turns out to be the young marshal of this border army, as Jingyan swiftly finds out as he makes his way to morning drills.

Something he probably should’ve noticed right off, really, given the room he’d woken up in. Not large, certainly not by Jinling’s standards, but the noticeable lack of sharing made it a rare luxury in the barracks.

By the time he arrives at the training grounds, navigating purely on long-honed familiarity with army facilities, Jingyan’s already learnt to answer almost automatically to the many cheerful hails of “Young Marshal!” coming from the general outflow of people from the mess hall – many many more people than he’d been expecting, to be honest.

He doesn’t remember the actual numbers like Prince Qi probably does, but from personal experience Jingyan does know Da Liang’s border armies to be fairly impressive on the whole. Yet he’s never even heard of one this large, save perhaps Duke Mu’s army to the south.

It’s unmistakeably Liang’s colours they’re flying, though, alongside the same fiery emblem engraved on his bracelet, so Jingyan decides not to worry about it too much.

Either way it puts paid to his vague ideas of begging illness and staying firmly on the sidelines, though Jingyan finds to his pleasant surprise that this young marshal has trained some fairly competent lieutenants clearly capable of running the drills themselves.

It’s almost reminiscent of mornings in Jing Manor, honestly.

(And it could be worse, Jingyan thinks. “Young Marshal” is just a title, like “Your Highness” is, and after a whole life of answering to one it’s hardly a suffering to be addressed by the other – almost freeing, actually, even if he has to err on the side of caution by being much more taciturn than usual and hoping that the edge of exhaustion from sheer shock shows just enough to excuse him for it.

All said and done, though, Jingyan rather believes he’s done quite the good job of things.

Certainly better than whoever’s now in Jinling has probably managed, but as long as he hasn’t accidentally offended the Emperor or anything.

…Jingyan can only hope.)

–

ii.

This, as Jingyu-gege often says, is why Jingyan should never, ever jump to conclusions about things.

Admittedly this doesn’t backfire so much as it goes completely off the rails of his expectations, trundling like a particularly enthusiastic horse in the opposite direction.

Nothing terrible awaits when he wakes up back in his room the next morning, and a quick inquiry to Zhanying confirms that he definitely hadn’t entered the palace yesterday.

Jingyan breathes a deep if silent sigh of relief.

(A quick check of the outer walls turns up a scuff mark matching his shoe on the roof, so faint as to suggest that it’d only been left because someone obviously hadn’t entirely adjusted to his new height yet.

Fair enough, Jingyan thinks. He’d have done the same last night if he hadn’t been too tired from the sudden cold to sneak out and explore anywhere.

Maybe next time, he catches himself thinking, and pulls a face, because no, none of that.

That jinxes it right away, of course, as he promptly realises the morning after.

Jingyan stifles a shiver in the wintry sun, even colder now after a day in Jinling’s warmth, and thinks – really, Jingyu-gege would have a field day with this.)

.

Possibly the oddest thing about this, thinks Jingyan on the eighth day he wakes up at the border instead of Jinling, is that neither of them have ever thought to question, even once, whether this is really happening.

Or at least Jingyan hasn’t, and if Lin Shu’s wondered about it he hasn’t mentioned it either, at least not in the increasingly copious notes they’re leaving for each other.

They end up making a routine of things without much discussion about it, even though the setup in each of their rooms almost mirrors the other. Jingyan begins to stock more scrolls of paper and sticks of ink at his desk, keeps their correspondence in a hidden drawer within easy reach of his chair.

But Lin Shu apparently fears the cold as little as his relatively thin wardrobe would suggest, because his stationery inevitably is set up at the low table with only a cushion to sit on – admittedly quite a comfortable one, yes, but still unseasonably chilly for the stone floor.

Either way, what had started out as a simple way to update each other on the day’s events devolves into something else altogether, and Jingyan can even pinpoint the moment it happened: when Lin Shu had added also stop wearing my hair down you’re making me look like an idiot as an afterthought on the third entry, followed by oh and don’t eat hazelnuts squashed into too few inches of space.

Jingyan’s learnt enough of medicine from his mother not to take the second part lightly, but the first almost tempts him into putting a flower in Lin Shu’s hair just because.

But only almost.

Then you stop tying my hair all up like that first, he adds to his next summary, it’s giving me a headache.

The palace would give anyone a headache, he finds written almost musingly in the reply margin.

Jingyan rubs at his temple, and finds that he can’t even argue with that, really. So instead he pulls up a fresh sheet of paper and quickly outlines the basics of court etiquette, because the Emperor’s probably going to end up summoning Jingyan while he literally isn’t himself one of these days, if this is going to continue.

He has a feeling it will.

.

It takes Jingyan a whole month of alternating days to admit, not quite grudgingly, that he is rather impressed by the fact that Lin Shu is already the young marshal of such a large army at this age.

In his defense, he’d rather naturally assumed the worst when he first found out that Lin Shu was the son of the commander himself, but that was before seeing the genuine respect rather than mere tolerance he got from every last man in the army, even those thrice either his or Lin Shu’s age.

(It’s the Chiyan Army, Lin Shu writes back, the very turn of each stroke arrow-sharp with irritation. Chiyan! Army! Will you get it right, it’s not just any army!

And I’m literally a prince, Jingyan snipes back in his most practiced handwriting. Also, if you’re insulting my men…

Hardly. Zhanying deserves a pay raise and a better boss, Lin Shu answers, then adds, pointedly, Your Highness.

Probably just so he could use up the last bit of paper.

Jingyan scowls at that last scrawl before pulling out yet another fresh sheet and dipping his brush in ink.

As if he’s going to let anyone have the last word over him quite so easily.)

–

iii.

“I didn’t know you liked archery, Prince Jing-gege,” says Nihuang one afternoon when they’re resting in his manor’s study after an impressive practice bout. The young duchess Mu had gotten quite formidable enough to attract the rapt attention of the entire training field – or she would have, if Zhanying hadn’t promptly barked at all of them to get back to their drills right then.

(It’d almost tempted Jingyan into asking, really, whether Zhanying had noticed anything different about his fighting style on the days when it’d been Lin Shu instead.

Not that Zhanying necessarily knew anything, per se – but from the subtly helpful way in which his general had volunteered information that Lin Shu’s writings occasionally failed to convey, between the carelessly precise updates and snarky comments in the margins… Jingyan rather thought he did suspect something, at least.

Wei Zheng was the same, up north at the border, which was just as well.

Lin Shu doesn’t know how good he has it, really, that the Jing army has closer to seven hundred men than seventy thousand – all of whom apparently assume that their young marshal will recognise them. Which says something fairly impressive about Lin Shu, of course, but still. How fortunate for him.)

Both their fathers have been closed up in Yangju Hall all day long – all the palace servants had been dismissed, and he’d heard that even Xia Jiang and Xie Yu had been summoned in.

Whatever it is they’re discussing must be important indeed, he knows. It’s hardly unusual, for both the Marquis of Ning and the Xuanjing Bureau’s head officer to meet the Emperor, but Jingyan doesn’t think he’s ever seen the Duke of Yunnan even half as stern as when he’d arrived this time, both his children firmly in tow.

Mu Qing had been unabashedly cheerful as always, and easy enough to handle – Aunt Liyang had been more than happy to help. It wasn’t like two more kids running around the house would trouble her much further, anyway, what with Yan Yujin already practically living there half the time.

But Nihuang had declined her offer politely before asking to see the Jing manor’s grounds, which is how she’d ended up here, hands clasped behind her back as she considers the red bow in pride of place on his weapons rack.

At least the sparring earlier had worn away most of the tension in her features, though Jingyan can still see the trace of it in the graceful stiffness of her posture, and wonders silently if she too feels the same thing he does, the slight wrongness in the air.

He shrugs anyway, trying for relaxed. “I got back into practicing it over the past couple months. It’s quite a bit more enjoyable now that I actually have enough strength to draw the string back fully.”

Which is completely true, even if he’d only had reason to discover it because Lin Shu’s weapon of choice is bow and arrow, as Jingyan had found to his utter surprise.

Nothing like muscle memory when the muscles weren’t even yours to begin with – though he supposes that it’s a fair trade, since Lin Shu’s also had to up his own proficiency with swords and spears to match Jingyan’s.

Neither does he mention that he’d only bought this bow on a whim because it reminded him of the one Lin Shu used. A resemblance that the young marshal had swiftly noticed, from the way he’d filled entire swathes of paper with gleeful gloating, only punctuated by a brief note on how he’d restrung it and adjusted the tension to match.

(Jingyan had kindly reminded Lin Shu about the fact that he’d gone and taken one whole day off to go diving for pearls that time the Jing army had been at Donghai, apparently having completely forgotten that he wouldn’t be able to bring the pearl back with him anyway.

The answering blankness had somehow conveyed a very mulish silence nevertheless.

Jingyan had rolled his eyes before writing if you really want it back I can always ask a courier to bring it over, it’ll just take time to reach the border.

And money, came the reply, or do you think I’ve no idea how much it costs to send something from Jinling? Nah, just keep it and go spend that money on food instead, you’re like a stick.

You’re just jealous because I’m taller, Jingyan does not answer, because he can be the better person here, so instead he writes Tried my mother’s hazelnut pastries yet?)

Nihuang gives him an inscrutably knowing look, even though Jingyan’s plenty sure he hasn’t shown any signs of his thoughts. “Maybe you should teach Qing-er then,” she muses as she comes back down to sit at the table. “The way he’d always playing around, I don’t know if he realised that he’s going to take over Father’s position someda– huh.”

Jingyan glances up from where he’s pouring out another glass of cold water, and finds her attention apparently caught by the documents he’d left out on the desk. “What is it?”

At his nod of permission Nihuang lifts a half-familiar paper from the stack, and there’s a brief moment of alarm when he spots Lin Shu’s handwriting, though it fades when he realises it’s not one of their written conversations.

Luckily Nihuang doesn’t notice either way, too intent on reading. “This naval strategy…” she finally says, “it’s just like the one we received some time ago, when Yunnan was under attack by river.”

Jingyan doesn’t need to feign his surprise. “Really?”

Nihuang nods, smiling faintly. “It saved all of our lives.”

“Oh,” Jingyan answers a little dumbly, his mind spinning. All of this is quite real, obviously, everything has convinced him of that, but for some reason it hadn’t struck him how Lin Shu too existed in this same world as him, more than just another body he sometimes woke up in. Rather slow of him, he thinks wryly, Lin Shu would have a laughing fit if he found out.

The specifics of this paper escape him now – it’d been part of some grand point Lin Shu had been trying to make, he thinks, as if they didn’t both know he was just cribbing the strategy from Nie Duo – but Jingyan doesn’t even need to look at the paper to see that familiar handwriting half his own. “Do you know who sent it?”

Nihuang shakes her head, her expression clouding over. “Father refused to tell me who’d sent it, forbade me from even mentioning it to Qing-er.”

And as if everything’s just been waiting for this last piece to fall into place, Jingyan feels the thing niggling at the edge of his consciousness, just out of realisation.

“Jingyan-gege…” Nihuang says, slow and terribly hesitant, “what do you know about the northern b–”

“Your Highness!” comes Qi Meng’s harried shout from outside, and Jingyan has never been more infuriated with any of his men in his life. “Duke Mu is here, he says the Duchess is to go with him immediately!”

Jingyan looks across the table to find his own frown reflected fiercely back at him.

Nihuang rises, looking suddenly older than she is, and says, quietly, “Be careful, Jingyan-gege. I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I,” Jingyan says honestly, and doesn’t press her for whatever it was she had been about to ask earlier. He stands to see her out. “You be careful, too.”

Nihuang nods firmly, then she turns and is gone.

(Spoke with Nihuang today, Jingyan writes before going to bed that night. I don’t think you’ve met her yet, she’s the daughter of the Duke of Yunnan.

You know, he finds written beneath it the next time he wakes up in his own room, it’s been a whole year and that’s the first I’ve heard you talk about any lady. And don’t say Xia Dong, she’s just terror manifest.

The raised eyebrow is clearly audible, even via text.

Jingyan snorts, grabbing the brush that sits ready and waiting, as always. Nonsense, he starts, then pauses for a moment before adding I think you’d like her.

He’s looking oddly forward to the reply, whatever it is: which one, and don’t say Xia Dong or even well certainly she’ll like me, all the girls do – though the last of that is nonsense, seeing as there aren’t really any more ladies hanging around the border pass than in Jing Manor.

But he never hears from Lin Shu again.)

–

iv.

Jingyan still finds himself in his room when he wakes up the next day.

And the next, and the next after that.

(On the eighteenth morning in a row he remains stubbornly stuck in Jinling’s oppressive warmth Jingyan punches the wall so hard it almost cracks cleanly in half – or maybe that’s just him.

Zhanying hurries up, voice tinged with ill-concealed worry. “Your Highness?” he says tentatively, except the words themselves feel like a shackle now.

Jingyan leans just slightly against the cool smoothness of the wood, and tells himself to breathe.

“Zhanying,” he says, finally, “what do you know about the northern border army?”

It’s the Chiyan Army, not just any old military! echoes Lin Shu’s voice in his head.

“…not much,” hedges Zhanying, and it clearly isn’t a lie but his eyes are also very wide.

The wrongness from before congeals into an ugly mess, settles decidedly in his heart. It’s the only thing he can be sure of not imagining.

Jingyan suddenly feels very tired indeed. “It’s nothing.”)

–

v.

And then he finds out in the worst way possible: far too late, and all at once.

.

.

.

would have been: jingyan finding out the truth about what’s been happening, which is fairly true to kimi no na wa canon except that it’s everything at meiling instead of a meteor extinction event. in jingyan’s present time he finds the lin manor in absolute disrepair, asks questions of his mother that make both of them sad, and eventually forces a bodyswap to save lin shu and the chiyan army by… using the pearl somehow? and how would he stop this single-handedly anyway? never quite managed to figure either part out. though on his side lin xie is shown to also have realised Something was going on with lin shu (like zhanying realised about jingyan) and even if he doesn’t buy the “hey i’m from the future” shtick, he at least would be willing to hear out someone with a good idea of what’s currently happening in the capital, which helps.

anyway there would’ve been one section where we finally get lin shu’s pov which is when he realises what This Bloody Idiot xiao jingyan is trying to do and curses up a blue streak. from there this could’ve had one of two endings:

a HE where jingyan succeeds, lin shu and the chiyan army survives, and they forget but eventually find each other again (after remembering when jingyan sees lin shu doing archery or vice versa).

or a BE where jingyan doesn’t succeed and we end up right back in the canon timeline, dammit guys. optional extra being that changsu remembers for some reason even though jingyan doesn’t… but sometimes, jingyan can’t help thinking that changsu reminds him of someone. a person he’d forgotten? angst ensues. the end.

[hualianisms]

MY DREAM IS ONLY YOU: a hualian playlist 

(for books 1, 3, 5) (books 2 & 4 here)

listen here  

track annotations under the cut:

BOOK 1

a thousand years - christina perri (hc pov)

Every breath/ Every hour has come to this/One step closer/I have died every day waiting for you [...] All along I believed, I would find you/Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years/I'll love you for a thousand more

servants and kings - radical face (xl pov)

And you were not like anyone I'd known/You spoke with impunity, had nothing to atone [...] It's hard to say just when I fell in love/There was no epiphany, no light from above/But you'd become my candle in the dark/And all through that Hell you were the shield across my heart

from eden - hozier 

Babe, there's something tragic about you / Something so magic about you / Don't you agree? / Babe, there's something lonesome about you / Something so wholesome about you / Get closer to me [...] Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago [...] I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

雨蝶 - e-jun lee (translation)   (hc pov)

I fly towards you/I'm not tired, no matter how far/Even if there has been pain and tears in this journey [...] I break the cocoon and become a butterfly/willing to fly side by side with you

time after time - iron & wine (hc pov)

If you're lost you can look and you will find me/Time after time/If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting/Time after time

on your own - nick lachey (hc pov)

But if the world should ever fall apart around you/And if you're lost and barely breathing/I will find you and carry you back home/I won't forsake the only love I've ever known

run to you - pentatonix 

(hc pov) I've been settling scores / I've been fighting so long / I'll run to you / I will break down the gates of heaven / A thousand angels stand waiting for me (xl pov) take my heart / And I'll lay down my weapons / Break my shackles to set me free

medicine - daughter (hc pov)

You could still be/What you want to/What you said you were/When I met you/You've got a warm heart/You've got a beautiful brain

BOOK 3

mystery of love - sufjan stevens (both)

Oh, to see without my eyes/The first time that you kissed me [...] Oh, oh woe-oh-woah is me/The first time that you touched me/Oh, will wonders ever cease?/Blessed be the mystery of love

pink in the night - mitski

(hc:) I've been blossoming alone over you / And I hear my heart breaking tonight I hear my heart breaking tonight / Do you hear it too? / It's like a summer shower / With every drop of rain singing / "I love you, I love you, I love you"     ((when HC turned his blood rain into flower petals for XL))

(xl:) I could stare at your back all day/And I know I've kissed you before, but/I didn't do it right / Can I try again, try again, try again

marry you - paul canning acoustic cover (”gege, wanna get married?”)

i was made for loving you - kina grannis cover (hc pov)

Don't let me go, we'll be alright/Touch my soul and hold it tight/I've been waiting all my life/I won't scar your young heart/Just take my hand [...] All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you

all of me - john legend (both)

Cause all of me/Loves all of you/Love your curves and all your edges/All your perfect imperfections

come into the water - mitski (hc pov)

Do you wanna be my baby?/Are you waiting to touch me?/You look so good, but I keep my hands /Til you come into the water/Maybe I'm the same as all those men/Writing songs of all they're dreaming/But would you tell me if you want me?/Cause I can't move until you show me/I didn't know I had a dream/I didn't know until I saw you

futile devices - sufjan stevens (xl pov)

And when I sleep on your couch/I feel very safe/And when you bring the blankets/I cover up my face/I do/Love you [...] And I would say I love you/But saying it out loud is hard/So I won't say it at all/And I won't stay very long/But you are life I needed all along

all this and heaven too - florence + the machine (xl pov)

And I would give all this and heaven too/I would give it all if only for a moment/That I could just understand/The meaning of the word you see/Cause I've been scrawling it forever/But it never makes sense to me at all [...] All this heaven never could describe/Such a feeling as I'm hearing,/words were never so useful/So I was screaming out a language/That I never knew existed before

worship - years & years (hc pov)

I worship, high praises/My longing drives me crazy for you/My kingdom for your graces

coming down - halsey (both)

I found god/I found him in a lover [...] I found the devil/I found him in a lover[...] I've got a lover, a love like religion/I'm such a fool for sacrifice

you are my joy - the reindeer section (xl pov)

You are my joy, you are my joy, you are my joy / If I could cradle you into my arms/I would cradle you tight in my arms always

medicine - the 1975 (xl pov)

you rid me of the blues/Ever since you came into my life/Because you're my medicine

you are gold - the national parks (xl pov/both)

You are gold/You are all i see/You are aurum scarce and meant for kings [...] And there's something I need to say/But I feel too afraid/'Cause when it's real there's a risk/A chance that I'm nervous to take/Oh my, oh my, I think that I have fallen

this is why i need you - jesse ruben (xl pov)

Cause you make the darkness less dark / You make the edges less sharp / You make the winter feel warmer [...] You are the who, love is the what and this is the why

i will - mitski (both)

I will take good care of you/Everything you feel is good/If you would only let you [...] So stay with me/Hold my hand/There's no need/To be brave/And all the quiet nights you bear/Seal them up with care/No one needs to know they're there/For I will hold them for you

heart - sleeping at last (both)

I'm short of breath/Standing next to you/I'm out of my depth/At this altitude [...] You are beautiful/Like I've never seen/Go ahead and laugh/Even if it hurts/Go ahead and pull the pin/What if we could risk/Everything we have/And just let our walls cave in

with you till the end by tommee profitt (hc pov)

I'll take this pain for you/I will pull you through/I'll be with you 'til the end/Through the fire and rain/I will be your strength [...] When your fears are not fading/And there's parts of you breaking/I'll hold the pieces all together with my hands

i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie (hc pov)

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied/Illuminate the “no”s on their vacancy signs/If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks/Then I'll follow you into the dark

chouchou musubi - aimer (translation)  ((red knot of fate))

In this blue, wide world, among the millions scattered around/The two of us separately picked a thread and pulled it to ourselves 

in a week - hozier    (“to die buried together, probably feels like this”)

We'll lay here for years or for hours Your hand in my hand, so still and discreet So long, we'd become the flowers We'd feed well the land and worry the sheep [...] I'd be home with you, I'd be home with you

geyser - mitski (hc pov)

You’re my number one/You’re the one I want/And I’ve turned down/Every hand that has beckoned me to come

oh my stars - andrew belle (xl pov)

If everything you've said to me has been true/Then all my stars are leading me to you [...] Everything you see is ours / Or it could be if you would try / I wish you would I wish you might

so it goes - marianas trench (xl pov)

So I would chose to be with you/As if the choice were mine to make/But you can make decisions too/And you can have this heart to break

don’t deserve you - plumb (hc pov)

You're the reason that I'm alive/You're what I can't live without [...] I don't deserve your love/But you give it to me anyway [...] Your heart is gold and how am I the one/That you've chosen to love/I still can't believe that you're right next to me

love like you - steven universe (both)

If I could begin to be/Half of what you think of me/I could do about anything/I could even learn how to love (Love like you) [...] I always thought I might be bad/Now I'm sure that it's true/Cause I think you're so good/And I'm nothing like you

BOOK 5 

turning page - sleeping at last (hc pov)

I've waited a hundred years/But I'd wait a million more for you/Nothing prepared me for/What the privilege of being yours would do/If I had only felt the warmth within your touch/If I had only seen how you smile when you blush/Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough/Well I would have known/What I was living for all along

all i’ve ever known - hadestown (xl pov)

I was alone so long/I didn't even know that I was lonely [...] All I've ever known is how to hold my own/But now I wanna hold you, too/You take me in your arms/And suddenly there's sunlight all around me

atlas: two - sleeping at last (hc pov)

Tell me, is something wrong?/If something's wrong you can count on me/You know I'll take my heart clean apart/If it helps yours beat [...] I just want to build you up, build you up/'Til you're good as new/And maybe one day, I'll get around/To fixing myself, too

better love - glades (xl pov)

Nobody's ever pulled me close like this before/So honest that it scares me/You make it seem alright to be this vulnerable [...] It's safe to say I couldn't know a better/couldn't know better love

the light - sara bareilles (xl pov)

And if you say we'll be alright/I'm gonna trust you, babe/I'm gonna look in your eyes/And if you say we'll be alright/I'll follow you into the light

cecilia and the satellite - andrew mcmahon in the wilderness (hc pov)

For all the things my eyes have seen, the best by far is you / For all the places I have been, I'm no place without you / For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you

光年之外 - G.E.M. (translation)  (xl pov)

For you, I’ve already gone insane to the point of/(feeling like) my pulse and heartbeat are totally unimportant without you/A pair of arms encircling my chest/are sufficient for resisting the rotation of the Earth

you’re not alone - meredith andrews (hc pov or both)

You're not alone for I am here/Let me wipe away your every fear/My love, I've never left your side/I have seen you through the darkest night/And I'm the one who's loved you all your life

past lives - BØRNS (both)

Past lives couldn't ever hold me down/Lost love is sweeter when it's finally found/I've got the strangest feelin'/This isn't our first time around [...] Through all of my lives/I'd never thought I'd wait so long for you

the best of you - andy grammar (both)

You've seen my dark side and danced with my shadow [...] you know me, know me/Wrestled with the old me/Saved me at my lowest, all you had to do was hold me/Console me, no matter how far I fall/Cause the best of me loves the best of you

anything for you - ludo (hc pov)

I'd give up anything/Anything for you/I'd give it all/All of this is true/But the best story that I could ever tell/Is the one where I am growing old with you/All I've ever wanted see, was to tell you honestly/I'd do absolutely anything for you

anyone else - pvris (xl pov or both)

'Cause I could touch a hundred thousand souls/But none of them would ever feel like home/And no matter how far and wide I roam/You're the only one I'll ever know/I don't belong to anyone else

francis forever - mitski         (the year xl spent waiting for hc to come back)

On sunny days I go out walking/I end up on a tree-lined street/I look up at the gaps of sunlight/I miss you more than anything

wish that you were here - florence + the machine (xl pov)

You're always on my mind/And I never minded being on my own/Then something broke in me and I wanted to go home/To be where you are

i will wait - mumford & sons (xl pov)

I will wait, I will wait for you

find my way back - eric arjes (hc pov)

No distance could ever tear us apart/There's nothing that I wouldn't do/I'll find my way back to you

work song - hozier    (hc pov)

When my time comes around/Lay me gently in the cold dark earth/No grave can hold my body down/I'll crawl home to him

gravity - coldplay      (reunion)

Baby it's been a long time coming/Such a long, long time [...] And then I looked up at the sun and I could see/Oh, the way that gravity pulls on you and me

POSTCANON

god in jeans - ryan beatty (hc pov)

God is real, he was sleeping in my bed last night/We were naked with the radio on/Played him my favourite song/My love is my religion

watch you sleep. - girl in red (hc pov)

I don't ever wanna leave/I'll watch you sleep/And listen to you breathe [...] I never get /Bored of looking at you/’Cause every time I see somethin' new

little death - the beths (xl pov)    ((the demon king’s birthday extra))

When you're near/My heart starts beating faster [...] My lungs they catch on every breath/My heart beats harder at the cage inside my chest/And I die, I die a little death

the idea of growing old - the features (both)

We can talk all night/We can talk all day/We can play charades when there is nothing to say/You turn me on to the the idea of growing old

what a heavenly way to die - troye sivan (both)

What a heavenly way to die/What a time to be alive/Because forever is in your eyes/But forever ain't half the time/I wanna spend with you, you/I wanna be with you, you

1000 years - kt tunstall (both)

In a thousand years/I know that our love will still be here/So close your eyes, my dear/Knowing that our love is going to last one thousand years

the end of all things - panic!at the disco (both)

Whether near or far/I am always yours/Any change in time/We are young again/Lay us down/We're in love/In these coming years/Many things will change/But the way I feel/Will remain the same