#anyway. gege i am in your walls

[jjkrereadlb]

ok some random thoughts from the past few days that im not gonna tag with any specific chapter bc fuck knows i dont wanna go back and check the numbers lmao

When nanami dies in front of yuuji, as he is telling him his last words (“yuuji, youve got it from here”) he thinks to himself “no dont say that, it’ll just turn into a curse for him.” I think HE personally meant it metaphorically but its eerily similar to what his grandpa told him before he died (he said something along the lines of “live well help people blablabla… im giving you this curse”). So while non-sorcerers cant turn directly into curses (rather the small amounts of CE they leak out accumulates to become curses, over time and with many people), AND we didn’t see nanami turn into a curse (also bc hes not the type of guy to resent dying, we literallysaw him be bitter but ultimately at peace with the decisions that brought him to his death), its still potentially relevant how now more than one persons “dying wish” has “cursed” yuuji.

Do megumi’s shikigami count as parts of his soul? he didn’t feel the white dog die in the jail so obviously theyre not like a part of him or anything, but if for instance mahito touched idk the dog, would he be able to do idle transfiguration through it? the rship btw a shikigami and its user is still sort of opaque. For instance, geto tried to absorb the worm that toji used to store his weapons but he failed, and in the ch notes gege says its because toji had already established a “master-servant” relationship with it. I dont think that’s through a binding vow necessarily (can a curse without higher intelligence and language even enter a BV?) but still some sort of pact was done, which apparently doesn’t necessarily require CE as toji was able to do it. Then theres for instance yuuta & Rika1. In the fanbook gege says rika is able to see what yuuta sees even if they’re apart, though the opposite is not true (Y cant see what R sees). But still some sort of connection exists there. So would mahito be able to do IT by touching rika? Could he do it to Yaga through one of his cursed dolls? obv this isn’t especially relevant re: mahito bc hes dead lol, but im willing to bet that the minute details of this kind of thing will come up with the sukuna & megumi situation we have on our hands. I cant help but notice that almost every main character has either fought mahito outright or at least met him, with the GLARING exception of megumi, who through various circumstances is never around when mahito shows up. I wonder if thats bc gege is hiding something about the way 10s interacts with the soul. Hmmmm.

One thing thats been puzzling me is that we’re told that when gojo was born the balance of the world was altered bc he was so strong etcetc, so curses started getting much more powerful/higher In level. At the same time though, during the early manga, everytime one of our characters meets someone from the kenjaku squad, or even a finger bearer, they ALWAYS comment on how crazy powerful these curses are and isnt it weird how much stronger curses are these days, like you get the impression that they’re mostly used to dealing with grade 2s and below. So what is the truth???

[yinyuedijun]

sooooo is Dan Heng seeing his dream self rail you, you think? or is he watching you solo and you see him, thinking he’s part of the dream and needs him to come touch you? 👁️

(reference to this post!! also it was not my plan to write a drabble but it happened 😔 cw voyeurism, breeding, dragon fucking, gn afab reader)

hi beloved 🫶 forgive me if these are mild spoilers for the dreampeek calls, but they're actually audio-only! I'm not sure if you've done them but it's a literal phone booth that will allow you to listen to randomly chosen acquaintances' dreams if they happen to be asleep. so dan heng is calling, not sure who he'll hear—maybe pompom dreaming about penacony dishes, or jing yuan dreaming about matters on the luofu, etc. but instead the call connects and he hears... a very familiar moan.

he doesn't entirely register what he's listening to at first. the rhythmic creak of a bedframe, the slap of skin against skin, your voice calling for him—gege, please, please—all overlaid with the distinctive and obscene noise your pussy makes when it's dripping all over his cock. I missed you so much, you keep panting, I tried using my fingers while you were gone, gege—but it just—it just didn't feel—ah...

your voice clips off into a whine. dan heng recognizes it: the one you make when he presses a hand against your abdomen while seated deep inside you, forcing your g-spot against his cock. he can practically hear your tears in your overwhelmed voice. wait, wait, you whimper, if you do that, if you keep going—

your voice cuts off into a gasp this time. a million scenes fill dan heng's head: is he grinding his hips against yours, pressing himself tight against your walls? is he playing with your swollen clit? did he throw your legs over his shoulders, put his cock so deep inside you that you can hardly breathe? you love all of those things—you've said it yourself, clawing at his back and begging for him—so he isn't sure what you'd be dreaming about.

you'll what? his dream self asks. in reality, dan heng almost jolts, hearing himself over the phone.

I—I'll cum, you reply, voice small.

he hums. already? he asks, and he's more surprised than he is mocking, but the noise you make in reply still sounds a little embarrassed. go ahead, then, he says. you'll need to be relaxed anyway, if you want both of them inside you for the rest of the night.

th-the rest of the night? you whimper, sounding overwhelmed, but not displeased.

of course, he says. how else am I going to breed you?

dan heng's mind goes blank at the exact moment the call drops off. he's never said that to you before—never known that you wanted him to say that, let alone do that to you—and the way this new information is making his cock throb is distracting him from the cheerful voice of the dreampeek platform.

"your acquaintance's dream has now ended," the program announces. "we hope you enjoyed your experience today. would you like to make another call?"

"no thank you," dan heng replies immediately. "I have somewhere else to be."

[dyaz-stories]

Psst! Hey, Dyaz. Had you saw/read the new theory about jjk? It actually puts in context a lot of things in the latest chapters and honestly it blew my mind when I read it

Gonna put the link of the post here in case you want to read it. I'm gonna cry and scream so hard if that theory results to be true T-T

https://www.tumblr.com/thepersonperson/762115329999650816/why-the-hell-is-jjk-270-called-dreams-end?source=share

So I don't read theories because I've been around a while and I've gotten used to people making theories with tons of 'evidence' and then 99% of them end up not being true, and at this point it feels like we're just throwing stuff at the wall and trying to figure out what sticks.

With that being said, I'm never putting anything past Gege, and I am so serious in saying that this would be the worst possible ending as far as I'm concerned. My biggest criticism about Jujutsu Kaisen in recent chapters has been that it made me feel dumb for caring. I have actually been very positive about chapter 270 because of how human it felt. If it turns out that this was all in Yuuji/Megumi/whoever's mind, it's would feel like an absolute slap in the face to me.

If everyone dies and we just go to some meaningless fucking grimdark ending I'm so serious in saying that it's the kind of shit that would make me never interact with the fandom again. Like not reread the manga, not buy it, not follow the anime when it comes out again, I just genuinely would want nothing to do with it anymore, because what would have been the fucking point. I would also never touch anything he'd do ever again because if you care this little about your characters, your audience, and your story (because what would the meaning even BE if everyone was dead?? there's ONE chapter left, if that's what he's going for there's even LESS time to make something meaningful out of it), why would I?

Je vais même passer en français tellement ça m'énerve d'y penser parce que l'anglais ne me permet pas d'exprimer toute ma colère. Si jamais c'est ça qu'il se passe, j'aurais jamais été autant prise pour une conne par un manga. Genre tu me fais lire quasi 300 chapitres pour me cracher à la gueule en te marrant ? Mais mange tes putains de grands morts.

Anyway, sorry if this sounds agressive anon it's not against you AT ALL it's just that even just thinking about it makes me lose my shit. We'll see soon, but I'll probably be out of the fandom if that's what happens.

[yazzydream]

JJK Playlists: Geto | Toji | Gojo

It's Me, I'm the Problem (Geto Suguru Playlist)

Playlist for Geto. Gotta admit, he gets the gears in my brain running. Main themes are about Geto's descent, follows life as a genocidal cult leader, to the end of his life. Manga SPOILERS ahead.

-> [Spotify Link]

1. Paradiso - Pia-no-jac An instrumental chosen by Akutami Gege. Unfortunately, not available on Spotify.

2. Enemy (feat. JID) - Imagine Dragons

Tell you, you're the greatest But once you turn, they hate us (ha)

3. The Wall - PatrickReza When Geto starts questioning his life and philosophy.

Banging my head against the wall Nothing makes sense, no sense at all Nothing can numb me from what I've seen Pull me down, demons, yeah, try me

4. Cradles - Sub Urban Lots of imagery about eating and disassociation.

I love everything Fire's spreading all around my room My world's so bright It's hard to breathe, but that's alright Hush! Shh Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh, no, no) Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities Somedays, I feel skinnier than all the other days Sometimes, I can't tell if my body belongs to me

5. Savages - MARINA Covers how the lowly non-sorcerers are monkey--I mean, savages.

One man can build a bomb, another run a race To save somebody's life and have it blow up in his face I'm not the only one who finds it hard to understand I'm not afraid of God, I am afraid of man

///

Underneath it all, we're just savages Hidden behind shirts, ties and marriages How could we expect anything at all? We're just animals still learning how to crawl

6. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen If there's any JJK character who suits Bohemian Rhapsody, it's Geto. The line about being a poor boy made me think of how he's from a non-sorcerer family.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mama, life had just begun But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

7. Wait For It - Hamilton: An American Musical The lines "Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints" popped into my head after watching s2e4. But when I went back to listen to it to add to this playlist I was blown away by how Burr's (Geto's) thoughts about Hamilton (Gojo) were so suitable. Also, it wasn't always intentional but there's so much religious imagery (and a few mentions of parents...) in this playlist that I'm loving.

Death doesn't discriminate Between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes and we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason I'm still alive when everyone who loves me has died I'm willing to wait for it. I'm willing to wait for it.

///

I am the one thing in life I can control I am inimitable I am an original I'm not falling behind or running late I'm not standing still, I am lying in wait Hamilton faces an endless uphill climb He has something to prove He has nothing to lose Hamilton's pace is relentless he wastes no time What is it like in his shoes? Hamilton doesn't hesitate. He exhibits no restraint. He takes and he takes and he takes and he keeps winning anyway. He changes the game. He plays and he raises the stakes. And if there's a reason he seems to thrive when so few survive, then God dammit I'm willing to wait for it. I'm willing to wait for it.

8. Time of my Life - UPSAHL As Nanami would later say, being a jujutsushi is shit. No wonder Nanami's response was he doesn't blame Geto. Geto suffered from compassion fatigue; he was all burnt up.

I cleaned my room I paid my dues I did all of the things that they all told me to I filled my head With common sense I did all of the things that everybody said So how come all the worst days Are in the time of my life

9. Burning Pile - Mother Mother The turning point. Geto changes his aim.

It goes, all my troubles on a burning pile All lit up and I start to smile If I catch fire then I change my aim Throw my troubles at the pearly gates

10. Bang - AJR Geto certainly left legitimate jujutsu society behind with a bang.

So put your best face on everybody Pretend you know this song Everybody come hang (come hang) Let's go out with a bang Bang! Bang! Bang! I'm way too young to lie here forever I'm way too old to try so whatever come hang (come hang) Let's go out with a bang Bang! Bang! Bang!

11. The Other Side of Paradise - Glass Animals Reflecting on how Gojo (his strength) just went to a place Geto could no longer reach. So, Geto leaves too.

Bye-bye, baby blue I wish you could see the wicked truth Caught up in a rush, it's killing you Screaming at the sun you blow into Curled up in a grip when we were us Fingers in a fist like you might run I settle for a ghost I never knew Super paradise I held on to But I settle for a ghost

///

My thunder shook him down My thunder came and shook him down

12. Come Back Home - Two Door Cinema Club I usually prefer sandwiching my playlists with Akutami's music choices, but in this case it felt like it made more sense narratively to place this here. Lol. Sounds like a heartfelt plea from Gojo telling Geto to come back home honestly.

So now you're on your own Won't you come back home? To see you're not that kind And find the strength To find the strength, to find another way

13. East Jesus Nowhere - Green Day Yeah! Classic Green Day, this song popped into my head while thinking about Geto. Geto embraces his religious persona.

A fire burns today Of blasphemy and genocide The sirens of decay Will infiltrate the faith fanatics Oh, bless me Lord for I have sinned It's been a lifetime since I last confessed I threw my crutches in the river of a shadow of doubt And I'll be dressed up in my Sunday best Say a prayer for the family Drop a coin for humanity Ain't this uniform so flattering? I never asked you a goddamn thing

14. cult leader - KiNG MALA

I might be the villain in somebody else's story, but that's fine My methods are controversial, but at least it keeps 'em all in line In line I don't need your roses, I like men on their knees Praying up to their god, seein' visions of me I'm a cult leader, mind reader, heart eater Fear feeder, say I'm your favorite preacher If I wasn't a narcissist, I wouldn't like me either

15. Mental Funeral - EHLE From those devotees.

You're a criminal cute and creepy Dangerous for me When you're all alone, love me, dearly Psychopath

16. Godly Behaviour - ELIO "Monkeys have their roles. Money collecting monkeys and curse collecting monkeys."

Nothing comes for free, there's a fee for my time I'm so heavenly, hard to reach, gotta climb, 'cause I got godly behaviour And I'm not doing any favours I'll be in your dreams tonight, but I'm not an angel 'Cause it's confirmed, I got godly behaviour

17. Do It All The Time - IDKHOW He seemed pretty nonchalant about the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons.

We're taking over the world A little victim-less crime And when I'm taking your innocence I'll be corrupting your mind

///

Now we're so young But we're probably gonna die And it's so fun We're so good at selling lies We look so good And we never even try I don't wanna do it, but I do it 'Cause I do it all the time

18. Freak (feat. REI AMI) by Sub Urban Geto's family of curse users.

Welcome to our freak show, come meet my monsters Oh, such a fine collection of stranger things

19. Family - Mother Mother More found family music. Affectionate.

They is my family, they is my family They might be crazy, but they is my family You can't get to them unless you get through me You fuck with them, you fuck with me

20. cutlery collector - Sion POV: Geto when Kenjaku takes over his body.

Cutting me open and switching my insides Make me an avatar girl, just let me die And they all say that I have changed But oh, nobody knew why 'Cause you're a cutlery collector You cut open my mind

21. House of Memories - Panic! At the Disco Lots of melancholic death songs.

Baby, we built this house On memories Take my picture now Shake it 'til you see it And when your fantasies Become your legacy Promise me a place In your house of memories

22. Goodbye - Bo Burnham

So long, goodbye I'll see you when I see you You can pick the street I'll meet you on the other side

///

Am I going crazy? Would I even know? Am I right back where I started fourteen years ago? Wanna guess the ending, if it ever does I swear to God that all I've ever wanted was A little bit of everything all of the time A bit of everything all of the time Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime I'm finished playing and I'm staying inside

23. Akari - Soushi Sakiyama The third ED best describes Geto I think.

Before my goodwill crumbles away I should have told you everything In a life descending and dissolving into the night Fuzzy emotions, a flickering light If accepting it as inevitable Means it's all over, even though I know It somehow doesn't feel worth it, there's No meaning to it

[zhongrin]

:bunny falls through your window: i. am. exhausted. mom pls help ;-; anyways! "exposure therapy" ehhe that sounds abt right when it comes to you and dad ("papa, have you given mom puppy eyes yet-") YES THIS BNNUY CAN KICK AND SHE CAN KICK KNEECAPS HARD >:(( and ofc!! i can always ask bedo or tighnari to whip you smth up if you need some energy hehe. wait wdym dad has several caves across liyue. actually that would explain the hole gege stopped me from falling into :"D ~Lycoris

lsdkjflskjdlfkjsd oh noes are you ok bunny????! come sit, i'll have to close the teahouse soon but i can brew you one last cup of tea i'm sure!!

do not. remind your dad about his hatchling eyes. i am weak to those. *points to a koi painting on the nearby wall* do you know how much that cost? no? well, that makes the both us. because before i knew what i was doing i had handed off my wallet to your dad the moment he looked at me with those eyes.

i'm sure you understand since you have a few hybrids darlings; sometimes you just have to excuse their baser instincts. besides it's kinda cute how happy he gets when he shows me his hoards he accumulated over time

i mean tighnari certainly could, i don't doubt him at all, but i'm sure he would rather cuddle and pepper kisses all over you than having to treat your wounds and cover you with bandages bc of all the sharp glass shards >:(

gorou sheepishly asking kokomi for a vacation hehehe she will thank you personally bc FINALLY!!! HER GENERAL IS RESTING!!! VOLUNTARILY!!!!

don't ehe me barbatos *channels inner zhongli and gives a not-mad-just-disappointed glare*

i've never been to an onsen either, but baths and jacuzzis are great so i'd imagine an onsen would be heaven bc the water would never get cold and it's all natural so supposedly it's good for your body??? i completely agree... should at least try it once in your lifetime hehe

AND THANK YOU yes pls take care of him. if he gets sulky he might go into nesting phase, so just let him, it's ok. i'll close the shop in the meanwhile <3

BE CAREFUL ON THE ROOF and please take some notes for me i too am very bad at anatomy of a human's body hslkdfjksdjf

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE ELEVEN || NARROW-MINDED

↳ featuring : fushiguro megumi + nanami kento + ieiri shoko (mention of itadori yuji + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru + roymen sukuna + zenin maki + inumaki toge + panda + mahito) from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 12 march

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 2.0k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : idle transfiguration

↳ next episode : to you, someday

↳ barista’s notes : welcome nanamin kento to the series everyone ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ he’s finally in the series and i am so excited to write about him again since it has been a while ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ i hope you enjoy today’s episode and for the fushiguro x y/n shippers, enjoy this little interaction between them...

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5 for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique

no cursed spells used this episode..

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“No reason, just worried about you,” Fushiguro mentioned, hiding his real intention of why he questioned your wellbeing, as continued to look at what was in front of him to avoid making eye contact with you since he could feel your eyes peering at him with curiosity filling them.

Sighing once again, you slap the back of his head causing him to groan since you put more strength than you intended to. “You shouldn’t worry about me Fushiguro, be selfish,” you commented before walking faster to be ahead of him, leaving him confused about what you had just mentioned to him.

“Be selfish?” Fushiguro muttered in confusion leading you to turn back to look over your shoulder before smiling at him.

“You were going to take me there right?” you asked, as you halted your movement causing the shikigami user to finally catch up to you while you had a lingering question in the back of your mind.

‘What was that dream?’

                                              ꕥ

“Didn’t I say you can head back to the track field, we’re literally a few steps away?” you asked, as you stood in front of the metal door leading inside to the infirmary while looking at your classmate with a fed-up look since he wasn’t listening to you once again.

“I said, I was going to take you here and now I’m going to wait for you here,” Fushiguro mentioned as he processed to lean against the wall, causing you to let out a sigh of frustration since you didn’t have the slightest clue on his sudden behaviour of him keeping an eye on you.

“If you’re still worried about my wellbeing, I’m okay Fushiguro,” you voice out trying to ease his worries, before turning your head to look at the door in front of you as you then entered the infirmary room the second the metal door slid open. “Thank you for waiting for me,” you quietly muttered to the shikigami sorcerer as the entrance that was going to block you both, slowly began to close leaving him on the other side, no knowing what was going on inside of where you were now.

Once you had entered the room, you quickly noticed that Ieiri was there twirling a strand of her brown lock with her ibex finger as she greeted you with a small smile, while another person - who you assumed was another sorcerer - who was beside her sitting on the metal bench while holding the side of his hip to lessen the blood loss from his wound.

From what you could observe, the male that was currently injured right now had bright blonde locks, which was strange since it was rare or uncommon for a Japanese person to have naturally light hair (since it didn’t seem dyed) causing you to assume the man had some European heritage. He also seemed to be on the older side compared to Gojo since he had somewhat of a more mature look to the strongest sorcerer that you had come to know but his outfit consisted of a blue dress-shirt with beige suit trousers as well as the professional dress shoes - what seemed to be missing was a blazer to complete the outfit.

“So you're the daughter that Gojo has been talking about lately,” the man mentioned, causing you to tilt your head in confusion since you had no idea who the man was, but he seemed to know who you were.

“Pardon?” you questioned politely since you were still in a state of perplexion, causing your mentor to giggle slightly before informing you that your teacher has been running around announcing his daughter after “keeping it a secret for 5 years” leading you to turn your head to the side and sigh once again in annoyance since you weren’t surprised that the playful sorcerer was parading your name around the facility but still it seemed a little creepy to you - just imagine him skipping around while telling everyone about you just seemed off...weirdly off.

‘What a drag…’

“Ah! I’ll heal you now since we don’t want to leave the wound open any longer,” you mentioned, as you made your way towards the sorcerer before placing your hands just above his wound while concentrating to allow your negative cursed energy to become positive which became easier over time as you kept practising leading Ieiri to be surprised on how much you had improved for the past few weeks.

“Gojo Y/N correct? I’m Nanami Kento, I would bow to be polite but that’s a bit difficult to do right now,” Nanami introduced himself, causing you to smile slightly before greeting him back.

‘So this is Nanami Kento? Shoko-san wasn’t kidding when she said he was a grade one, he does seem to be extremely skilled’

“Y/N, your theory was right about the technique used on those bodies, Kento mentioned that the technique reshapes the soul rather than the body of what we first thought,” Ieiri revealed to you, leading you to look up at the doctor with widen eyes as you hands managed to continue the healing process of Nanami’s wounds.

“Is there any way to stop the transfiguration of any sorts? Is there some kind of weakness to it?” you questioned, as you turned to the grade one sorcerer, leading him to nod as he turned to look at you.

“The use of cursed energy to protect your body is one way, but it will still cause some damage, besides that’s just a temporary solution since if we get hit more by this special grade curse, then that’s when our soul gets hit no matter how much cursed energy you put to protect yourself,” Nanami explained which lead you to look at him with a deadpan expression before you looked down to think of a solution to avoid any more casualties from this curse.

‘The only thing I can think of is Ryomen Sukuna...but Itadori is dead and there is no way that Sukuna can be inhibiting his body now anyways…my cursed spell could be a way to protect myself if it comes to the day I have to face him’

“Do you have a description of what the curse looked like?” you asked curiously since you didn’t know if you were even allowed to have any information on his mission - but you knew you had a chance since you and Ieiri examined the transfigured bodies from Kinema Cinema.

“The curse was human looking like, had patchwork around his face like it he was sewed together, he can transfigure is own body to how he likes to give him an advantage in battle,” Nanami explained leading a shiver to go up to your spine as you didn’t expect the curse’s description to be so human-like after Sukuna since you were completely used to other curses you had faced in the past, looking like what people feared - like the ocean animals, mountains, volcanos or even nature itself.

Steadily, you moved your hands away before asking Nanami to lift his shirt so you could examine his wound leading Ieiri to observe as well since she needed to make sure that your technique had been perfected as well as to make sure his wound was healed properly.

“Good job, I think you have nearly perfected it,” the doctor stated with a smile, leading you to turn to her with a bright smile on your face as you were delighted to have her approval leading her to mention that she will report your progress to Gojo since he wanted to know how you were doing with your training.

“You don’t call Gojo your father?” Nanami questioned since he had come to know from his senior that you have been his daughter for approximately five years now leading him to question why you didn’t call him as his parental figure position.

“I refuse,” you looked at him with a straight face as a slight hint of a ‘fed-up’ tone could be heard in your speech, leading Nanami to internally find the comment funny.

“Thank you for the treatment, but I must quickly head off to resume work,” Nanami declared as he slowly got up from his seat causing him to be surprised at how much your technique had actually repaired not only his wound by somewhat his whole body as well leaning him to peer at you for a second before walking out to head whatever he needed to be.

“Y/N, you can go now, if I need you, I’ll call you next time okay?” Ieiri stated to you, leading you to nod your head before announcing your departure as you processed to stand in front of the metal door, waiting for it to open as you then walked across the gap once it revealed the other side to you.

“You’re done?” someone asked, causing you to look to the side to notice that Fushiguro was still leading against the wall that he was waiting before you had entered into the infirmary to which you were surprised about since you thought he didn’t have the patience to even wait for you.

“You’re still here? Did you wait long?” you questioned, as you both began to walk back to the track field where Kugisaki and the second-years were waiting for you.

“Not really, it was actually quicker than I thought it was going to be,” Fushiguro mentioned causing you to nod along and you both became silent as you both didn’t know what else to say to each other.

However, that didn’t really bother you right now, what was bothering you was what happened before you even came here.

‘Why? Why was I dreaming that in the first place?’ you thought, as you looked down to the ground as if the answer was there for you to collect. However, you knew you would never get the answer if you didn’t make the effort to find it yourself, yet you didn’t want to.

You didn’t want to know the meaning behind it. You just wanted to forget everything that happened in that dream. 

‘There’s no point in holding on to it, it would never happen’

“You okay?” Fushiguro asked, causing you to snap out of your thoughts before realising the shikigami user was no longer beside you but rather in front of you with a stern look on his face as if he was confronting you for somewhat giving him a white-lie.

‘He’s not going to let that question go huh?’

“I’m okay Fushiguro, how many times I got to answer,” you commented before moving to the side to continue walking, only for the erratic-haired sorcerer to block your pathway once again leading a flame of annoyance to be lit up in your stomach. “What’s wrong?” you asked, as you looked up to meet him eye to eye, only to discover a worried look on his face.

“There’s something bothering you,” Fushiguro muttered causing you to scoff internally before moving to the other side again, only for him to block you once again. 

“Fushiguro, I’m fine, it was just something silly that happened with Gojo-sensei that annoyed me, I’m genuinely fine,” you answered before suddenly grabbing his wrist - catching him by surprise - to pull him towards the direction needed to go back to the track field for training, as you didn’t want a full-blown argument happening between you and him. Also, you weren’t bothered to shout at him since you were still trying to comprehend what you had just experienced.

However, before you could pull Fushiguro further to where you both needed to be, you felt him halt his movement causing you to stagger back slightly since it was really unexpected. Turning your head, you looked at the sorcerer with slight confusion displayed on your face before noticing a hand coming towards you as a small flick made a light impact on your forehead leaving you frozen in shock.

“You can rely on me anytime L/N,” Fushiguro mentioned to you nonchalantly as he retreated his hand back.

“Dear, rely on me a bit more, I’ll always be here with you and sorry for flicking your forehead, does it hurt?” 

“You drag, don’t copy me!” you argued, before slapping his forehead causing him to groan in pain while you continued to pull him along to get back to training.

‘I want to, but I don’t want to be lied to again Fushiguro…’

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[veliseraptor]

closed fist, open hand

it’s still the 22nd where I am and happy birthday to my best boy xue yang, here is a fic from the if living can be this verse, songxue, for someone (forgetting who?? might’ve been @spockandawe​) featuring the ongoing journey of xue yang being very clueless about some things, sometimes.

it’s porn but it’s actually nice porn, so 👍

this will be on ao3 at some point in the relatively near future.

--

Song Lan was being very, very frustrating. Which, okay, not that surprising, but still annoying as fuck.

Xiao Xingchen and a-Qing were off doing something and going to be gone the whole fucking day, which meant Xue Yang was alone with Song Lan, and he was restless and itchy and it was a perfect opportunity to get Song Lan to rough him up. Really rough him up, in a fingers around his throat, bruises everywhere, feeling it tomorrow kind of way.

So he’d been doing his best all morning to get him nice and pissed off and all that he’d gotten was a long-suffering look and a sigh, or a dry is that necessary, or, once, eyes cast toward the ceiling like he was seeking help from the heavens.

It was starting to drive Xue Yang a little crazy.

Stewing, glaring at Song Lan where he was meditating in apparent peace, Xue Yang gave up. He tossed the pot he was washing as loudly as possible into the bucket of washwater and sauntered over, straddled him on his knees, put his hands on his shoulders, and said, dropping his voice a little and letting it slide, “fuck me up, gege.”

Song Lan took a quick, sharp breath and opened his eyes. Xue Yang grinned at him with all his teeth.

“Is that what you’ve been hinting at?” he asked after a pause. Xue Yang’s grin widened.

“Maybe,” he said. “Maybe I just like annoying the shit out of you, Zichen. Maybe a little of both. Going to do something about it?”

Song Lan’s eyes narrowed. Xue Yang cocked his head to the side.

“Hm,” Song Lan said, and then, “I could. But not here.”

Xue Yang straightened up. “Yeah?” he said eagerly. “That a promise?”

“Try me,” Song Lan said, his voice steady and even and the expression on his face entirely unreadable. Xue Yang’s heartbeat kicked up a notch and he leaned forward.

“I thought I already was,” he said, plastering a grin on again. Song Lan didn’t so much as blink.

“Not here,” he said again. “I’d be uncomfortable.”

A thrill went up Xue Yang’s spine. His eyes widened in delight and he planted his hands on Song Lan’s chest to push himself back, dismounting and standing up. Song Lan did the same, in stages, and then just stood there looking at him. The annoyance crept back in.

“Well?” he said. “Are you coming or–”

The motherfucker could move fast when he wanted to. And he was stupidly strong, and Xue Yang hadn’t been watching for it, and now he was over Song Lan’s shoulder like a sack of rice. He thrashed, or tried, and then Song Lan said, “if you kick me I’ll drop you and we’re done,” so he did, reluctantly, stop. There was nothing in biting range, either. At least it wasn’t that far.

“Where’re you gonna do it, huh,” he said. “Gonna shove my face into the wall and fuck me from behind, do you want me on my knees so you can fuck my face, are you gonna make it hurt, make me suffer–”

Song Lan’s stride hitched slightly, but only for a moment, and Xue Yang laughed.

“Oh,” he said. “You like that, huh? Too bad you don’t have a whip or you could mark up my back so bad it’d hurt to lie down for a week. Bet you could come up with something though if you wanted. Or there’s always–”

The air went out of his lungs with an oof when Song Lan half-dropped, half-tossed him onto the bed. Xue Yang looked up at him, pushing himself up on his elbows and grinning, his heart thudding hard at the base of his throat.

“You talk too much,” Song Lan said. Xue Yang laughed.

“You like it,” he said. “You’ve always liked it. Okay, maybe not as much as Xingchen but still.” He pushed himself further up to sitting. “Come on, Zichen,” he said. “You’re not done already, are you? I thought you were going to put me in my place.”

Song Lan’s eyes narrowed again, darkened slightly, and Xue Yang grinned again, then licked his lips with exaggerated relish.

Song Lan removed his belt. Xue Yang’s eyes snapped to it, his body heating up with eager anticipation. “Give me your hands,” Song Lan said, and Xue Yang paused but only for a moment before he held them out, wiggling his fingers.

“This feels familiar,” Xue Yang said brightly when Song Lan started binding his wrists together. Song Lan’s movements stuttered again, slightly, and he gave Xue Yang a hard look that made him falter, just a little.

“I’m just making sure you keep your hands to yourself,” Song Lan said after a moment. “And I don’t trust your self restraint.”

“That hurts, gege,” Xue Yang said. It felt a little strange, having his hands restrained like this. Not something he usually liked. Hadn’t gone well last time he’d tried it. But the little frisson up his spine wasn’t completely bad and he was here to get fucked up anyway so it didn’t matter that much. The belt didn’t even chafe like ropes would, and it wasn’t so tight he couldn’t wriggle out if he really tried.

“I’m sure it does,” Song Lan said, then hooked his fingers into the bindings and pushed Xue Yang down to his back, hard enough to push the air out of his lungs in a quiet oof. He blinked up at Song Lan as he climbed onto the bed over him, then laughed, stretching his torso, pushing up against Song Lan’s weight holding him down so he could feel the resistance of him holding him down. It felt good, the little mingled thrill of unease and hunger. Song Lan gave him a slow, considering look like he was trying to decide where to start taking him apart.

“What’re you waiting for?” Xue Yang asked. “I’m gonna start getting bored here. Lost your nerve, Song-daozhang?”

“No,” Song Lan said. Then, “remember, hands to yourself or I’ll just leave you here like this.”

Xue Yang let out an exaggerated gasp. “Song-daozhang! You wouldn’t,” he said.

“You’d deserve it,” Song Lan said ruthlessly, but he let go and Xue Yang kept his hands where they were. He was rewarded with one of Song Lan’s hands around his neck, palm pressed lightly against the ridge of his throat. His eyes half closed with a pleased sound but instead of pushing down Song Lan just drew his thumb lightly down the side of Xue Yang’s neck. And then again, and again, and when he tried to push up to chase more pressure Song Lan pulled away altogether. Xue Yang frowned at him.

“Are you going easy on me?” he said incredulously. “Come on, Song-daozhang, you know I can take it.”

“I know,” Song Lan said, and pulled his hand away. Xue Yang started to jerk up only for Song Lan to plant a hand in the center of his chest and push him firmly back down.

“Oh,” he said. “Okay, so it’s just that you can’t do it, I get it. Poor Zichen’s lost his nerve–”

“Hm,” Song Lan said, and then gave Xue Yang a very slight smile that cut off Xue Yang’s voice and sent a delightfully ominous shiver down his spine. His fingers curled but he set his jaw and gave Song Lan a bright and vicious grin.

“Prove me wrong,” he said. “Do your worst.”

Song Lan pulled back only far enough to take off Xue Yang’s belt and pull his robes open so he was just wearing pants and shirt even if Song Lan still had all his clothes. “You leaving those on?” Xue Yang asked, jerking his chin in his direction. “Gonna get them dirty? If you make me bleed on your robes I’m not washing them.”

“You’re not going to bleed,” Song Lan said calmly. Xue Yang laughed.

“Yeah,” he said. “Okay.” And because Song Lan wasn’t moving fast enough, he said, “hey, Zichen, did you ever think about doing this shit to Xiao Xingchen? Did you ever want to hurt him, put those nice strong fingers of yours around his neck and squeeze until he choked–”

Song Lan’s expression tightened, a flash of anger and something else too lighting up his eyes and Xue Yang took a quick breath, bracing himself, but then it faded away and he just cupped Xue Yang’s jaw with a gentleness that sent a shiver down his spine, his thumb brushing across Xue Yang’s lower lip. He tried to snap at his fingers, but that just meant Song Lan pulled his hand away completely which wasn’t what he wanted.

“If you want something you can just ask,” Song Lan told him. Xue Yang bared his teeth.

“Really?” he said. “You need me to give you all your ideas? Weak. You did just fine when you were splitting me open on my own fucking sword–”

Song Lan’s eyes went dark, and Xue Yang grinned at him. Then Song Lan moved, manhandling Xue Yang more onto the bed. He fought it more reflexively than anything, but also so he could feel the satisfying weight of Song Lan’s holding him in place, pinning him down. His cock was getting interested again, and finally Song Lan was close enough that he could arch his hips and rub against him. Song Lan ran his fingers into his hair but didn’t pull. He rocked down against Xue Yang and Xue Yang made a loud, pleased noise.

“That’s more like it,” he said.

“Mmm,” Song Lan said, and then murmured, “you’re doing very well,” and a funny shock shot through Xue Yang, jarring him sideways. Sweet enough to hurt, almost, and it should’ve sounded condescending, like he was mocking Xue Yang only it didn’t, not really. He opened up the last layer of clothes across Xue Yang’s chest so when he put one hand over Xue Yang’s hammering heart it was pressed against skin.

Xue Yang faked a yawn. His skin was prickling some kind of a warning. “You’re being boring,” he said. “You ever wonder if you could make me scream?”

“You’re loud enough as it is,” Song Lan said. His palms felt warm; he touched the scar under his collarbone like he hadn’t noticed it before. Xue Yang shivered, his nerves brightening.

“You should’ve seen it when it was fresh,” Xue Yang said. “Missed out, Song-daozhang.” Song Lan’s touch paused and he gave Xue Yang a quick look, not quite a frown. “There’s one on the back, too,” Xue Yang said. “Matches.”

Song Lan’s fingers lingered on the scar a moment longer, and Xue Yang flashed his teeth in a smile that felt a little uneasy, squirming restlessly. “If you want to break it open again you’re going to need more than your bare hands,” he said. “Though I’d kind of like to see you try.”

Song Lan shot him another one of those strange not-quite frowns and then shook himself.

“Why would I want to do that?” he said, apparently in genuine question, and Xue Yang had a moment of confusion before Song Lan’s hips pressed down against his, his robes enough out of the way that Xue Yang could feel his cock against his leg. He bucked like he would somehow be able to feel more of it that way.

“Are you gonna fuck me with that thing?” he asked. “Get it wet in my mouth and–” He felt the eager twitch of Song Lan’s cock and crowed gleefully. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, sounds good, right, you like it when I’m choking on your cock wedged in my throat–”

Song Lan put a hand over his mouth. “Be quiet,” he said, and Xue Yang was surprised enough that his voice died, and Song Lan smiled slightly. “Good,” he said, and Xue Yang had that feeling again like a kick in the chest. Xiao Xingchen could do that to him, did do that to him, but not Song Lan. He pulled his hand off Xue Yang’s mouth and said, “don’t rush me. I’m taking my time.”

A warning prickled at the back of Xue Yang’s brain, but it was a little fuzzy and he’d rather think about the slow rub of Song Lan’s body against his. Slow and sweet and before long he was squirming and gasping. Which Song Lan seemed to think was enough, that and his hands just petting Xue Yang’s face, his chest, his side. And every time Xue Yang tried to open his mouth Song Lan just covered it.

His body was starting to feel overworked, a little overloaded, and thoroughly confused. The one thing he was absolutely sure of was that he wanted more. He twisted, trying to wriggle his hips into a better position and gasping when Song Lan pressed down, the pressure exquisite even if on its own it wasn’t enough.

He bit Song Lan’s shoulder, hard. He heard Song Lan’s sharp inhale, the tensing of his body, only then he just said, “let go.”

Xue Yang bit down harder for a moment longer and then released him, giving Song Lan a bright, sharp grin that faltered when he saw the expression on Song Lan’s face. He didn’t look angry. Determined, and maybe a little amused, gaze intent.

“That’s it,” Song Lan said soothingly, the hand that wasn’t braced on the bed fanning out over his ribs. “That’s good.” Xue Yang quivered, the last of his smile dropping. An almost violent spasm rippling through his whole body, a small sound slipping out of his mouth before he could catch it. His hips bucked upwards and Song Lan’s pushed him back down, gentle but inexorable.

His head was spinning a little. “What,” he said, and then gathered himself and said, “aw, Zichen, you’re so sweet,” and reared up to bite him again, harder. Song Lan grunted and his fingers pressed into flesh - yes, better, Xue Yang thought a little wildly - but a moment later his touch softened again, eased.

Xue Yang let go of Song Lan’s shoulder, breathing hard, and stared up at Song Lan feeling profoundly off balance.

Song Lan’s hand moved up to brush his thumb over one of Xue Yang’s cheekbones, the faint scar left from Jin Guangyao’s attempt to have him killed. He felt his eyes go wide, his head tipping toward that touch.

“There,” Song Lan said. He sounded pleased. Xue Yang had no idea why. His heart was thudding very hard.

He squirmed. “Come on,” he said. “What’re you waiting for–”

“Nothing,” Song Lan said, sounding far too calm. “I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing.”

Xue Yang stared at him, confused, only then Song Lan dropped his hand from his face and palmed his cock gently through his underclothes and he just exhaled in a shuddery sigh. Arching up toward that pressure only to drop back down, panting.

“Don’t - fuck around,” he said, his voice stupidly thin. “You think you’re gonna make me beg for it, Zichen? Sorry, it’s gonna take more than that, I can barely–”

“You don’t have to beg,” Song Lan said smoothly. “I’m going to give it to you anyway.” He moved his hand in a slow circle, massaging Xue Yang’s cock and he let out an embarrassing sort of hiccup, body jumping up toward his hand which didn’t gain him any more force.

“You,” he said, short on breath. “You, you’re–”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Song Lan said. He sounded so calm, so steady. Like he wasn’t driving Xue Yang insane.

Xue Yang heaved an inhale that rushed out of his lungs a moment later. His eyes, for some reason, prickled, his hands twisting, tugging against Song Lan’s belt wound around his wrists. He felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin. He desperately wanted more.

“Motherfucker,” he said. “Fucking - is this all, is this the best you can do, I thought you said you were going to fuck me, fuck me up not–”

“You seem pretty undone to me,” Song Lan said, his voice almost smug. Xue Yang squirmed harder.

“Fuck you,” he said urgently. “Do you need me to, to - unh,” he broke off, when Song Lan put just a little more pressure on his increasingly needy cock.

“I know,” he said, almost soothingly. “But I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Why not,” Xue Yang said, somewhere between plea and hiss. He wanted it to be the latter but it sort of came out the former anyway.

“Why should I?” Song Lan asked, like that wasn’t the stupidest question in the world, or at least that Xue Yang had heard today. He stopped moving and just stared blankly at Song Lan, who stared steadily back at him.He looked determined, unsmiling as usual, but something weird and - and soft in his eyes. Xue Yang’s heartbeat kicked up and he wanted to dig his teeth into that exposed underbelly and at the same time his instincts were screaming danger even though he didn’t have any clue why.

“Cause that’s just - how it goes.” His fingers curled into his palms. “You do want to, don’t be - Xiao Xingchen’s not here and I’m not gonna tell him or anything if you’re worried about him getting pissed at you or whatever–”

“I’m not worried about that,” Song Lan cut in. Xue Yang swallowed hard.

“Then the fuck game are you playing,” he said, his voice rough and strange, sort of uneven.

“For an unfortunately clever man you can be very stupid about some things,” Song Lan said, and slid one hand around the back of his neck and kissed him. Light and quick and not super interesting or anything but Song Lan hadn’t done that before. Oh, sure, Xue Yang had kissed him, usually to fuck with him a little but it didn’t go the other way around and not like that, for sure, not like he was - was fucking Xiao Xingchen or something–

His chest heaved with the loud, gasping breaths he could hear himself taking. His head was spinning and he felt a little like Song Lan had kicked his legs out from under him and he was having a hard time getting back up.

“What d’you want,” Xue Yang said desperately, words slurring together. Song Lan let out a little huff that wasn’t quite a laugh.

“Like I said,” he said. “You’re unfortunately clever. I expect you’ll figure it out. Eventually.”

Xue Yang started to snarl but it broke off into a moan when Song Lan shoved his thigh between Xue Yang’s legs. He ground desperately against it, unable to help himself. Arched his hips up chasing more only for Song Lan to pull away again.

“Fuck,” he said, almost despairing. “Fuck, are you gonna fuck me or not–”

“I know, I know,” Song Lan said, almost soothingly, and Xue Yang was going to kill him and at the same time sort of wanted to just let go and ride it, see where the fuck Song Lan was taking him. Finally, though, finally Song Lan moved to pull off Xue Yang’s pants. Xue Yang panted as fabric dragged over his sensitive cock, then inhaled sharply when Song Lan brushed his fingers against Xue Yang’s leg, making him jump. He wavered back and forth between a vague feeling of humiliation and exposure and sheer hunger.

Song Lan paused, sat back, and looked at him. Xue Yang groaned. “Don’t just–”

“You are,” Song Lan said, tone sort of considering, “very handsome.”

Xue Yang blinked, startled momentarily out of his haze of lust. That was clever and handsome both in a very short time and he didn’t quite know what to make of it other than that it felt good in a way he very much associated with Xiao Xingchen, warm and sweet. “Huh,” he said. Song Lan’s expression twitched a little and he leaned forward, kissing him again, a little more this time. Still light and almost shy but it had Xue Yang reeling anyway, not that he hadn’t been already.

Any chance he might’ve had at collecting his thoughts vanished when Song Lan took his cock in hand. Loose, barely touching him at all but Xue Yang still groaned and thrust into his grip. “Tighter,” he said, but Song Lan didn’t seem to hear him, or just ignored him, the fingers of his left hand slotting into the spaces between Xue Yang’s ribs.

“Relax,” Song Lan said, and Xue Yang’s breathing hitched in a mixture of terror and incredulity. “Just let me…”

His thumb rubbed against the underside of the head of Xue Yang’s cock and he let out a thoroughly pathetic whine. It felt like he was slipping again and he didn’t know what he was going to hit when he fell.

“Fuck you,” he said, though it came out thin and small. Xue Yang tried to rally, pull himself back together. “Is this - come on, I could go to sleep right now, are you gonna do something interesting or what?” his voice was goading, mean, or at least it was trying to be, but Song Lan didn’t seem impressed.

“Hm,” he said, and let go of Xue Yang’s cock again, grabbing his wrists instead and pressing them down. “You don’t seem that bored,” he said. He sounded sort of amused again and Xue Yang’s mouth opened and closed without any words like a stupid dying fish. He felt dazed. Stunned. Like Song Lan had banged his head against the floor a few times, or something.

“Hit me,” Xue Yang said.

“No,” Song Lan said.

“Please,” Xue Yang said, his voice cracking, and for the first time Song Lan’s expression fractured a little, betraying uncertainty, and Xue Yang would’ve dug his fingernails into it if he could’ve but he was too - everything was too–

“You don’t ask Xingchen,” Song Lan said, which didn’t make any sense at all. Xue Yang just stared at him, wild-eyed, because what did Xiao Xingchen have to do with this anyway, Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t do it but Song Lan would because Song Lan wanted to hurt him, always had, that was just, that was how–

He heard the crack before he registered the sting of it, his head snapping to the side. Fireworks went off behind his eyes and his mind went blank. Empty and quiet.

Fingers touched his jaw and pulled his eyes back to Song Lan’s face, who was looking at him with a strange expression. “That’s better,” he said, and it was half reassurance and half question.

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said blurrily. His face was still hot. His cock throbbed. He flexed his fingers to feel the bindings dig into his wrists which felt like it was one of the only things keeping him from just drifting off.

“I’m not your enemy,” Song Lan said. It sounded like he thought it was important, so Xue Yang nodded even if he didn’t feel like he really got why.

“Okay,” he said. And then, “do it again,” because the sting was starting to fade and he wanted it back.

“No,” Song Lan said, after a brief hesitation, and Xue Yang felt a brief flare of disappointment before it died away. He sighed, though, a little sadly. It felt like he might’ve come if Song Lan’d done it. Just from that. Probably not but it sort of felt like maybe.

“Let me...let me take care of you,” Song Lan said, and the words felt a little like small pieces of glass, cutting little stinging wounds. His head was all messed up. Coming only sort of seemed to matter.

“Fuck me,” he said, voice wobbly. “Do it dry, I don’t care–”

“No,” Song Lan said again, but then he had Xue Yang’s cock in his hand and his palm felt slick and warm even when he was as hot as he was. His hips rabbited up, trying to fuck himself with Song Lan’s hand, but his muscles all felt half-liquid, scrambled like his head.

It was okay. Song Lan did the work for him, the way he liked it, and by the time he spilled in pulses over his stomach and Song Lan’s hand he could’ve howled if his throat hadn’t locked up.

He felt limp, wrung out. Xue Yang blinked slowly, hazily.

“Xue Yang,” said Song Lan’s voice, quietly.

“Uh huh,” he managed to say in acknowledgment, though his brain was still mostly off somewhere else.

“What am I to you?”

Xue Yang tried to think about that but it was really very hard to think and he didn’t know a good answer. It felt like there was an answer he was supposed to have but he didn’t.

“Tired,” he said instead.

Song Lan sighed. “Yes,” he said, “I suppose you are.” He sounded sort of disappointed, which made Xue Yang frown a little. He tried to focus.

“You’re...Song Lan,” he said.

“Yes, Xue Yang,” Song Lan said after a pause. “That’s true.”

“You’re Xingchen’s,” Xue Yang tried again.

“I’m not,” Song Lan started to say, and then paused and amended, “I suppose you could put it that way.”

“And mine, sort of,” Xue Yang ventured, because he was feeling loose and sort of daring and he wanted to see what would happen. “Even if we’re. You know. Not friends, or whatever.”

He didn’t know what to make of the long quiet that followed. So long that he pried his eyes open to see if Song Lan was even still there. He was. He didn’t say anything, though, just got up and started untying Xue Yang. There was a little bit of a bruise-ache in his wrists but it felt good, unlike the weird shivery prickling crawling over his skin as things started to come back together.

“Don’t leave,” he objected, just in case Song Lan was thinking about it.

“All right,” Song Lan said, after looking at him for a while. “I won’t.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and Xue Yang squirmed until he could drop his head in his lap.

“D’you wanna fuck my face,” he said.

“No,” Song Lan said, and then added, “thank you,” which made Xue Yang giggle a little. He was giving Xue Yang a weird look again, but he did that a lot. Xue Yang’d gotten used to it.

“Okay,” he said, and closed his eyes without thinking about how safe he was, or wasn’t. He was asleep within heartbeats.

**

Xue Yang was fast asleep and snoring a little when Xingchen and a-Qing returned. Song Lan hadn’t moved. It wasn’t like he had that much to do, and Xue Yang’s head on his leg wasn’t uncomfortable. Xue Yang, for his part, looked very comfortable.

“I’m here, Xingchen,” he said quietly. He heard a-Qing mutter something, but Xingchen came in, looking a little quizzical. Song Lan sighed and said, “Xue Yang is sleeping. On me.”

Xingchen smiled with radiant fondness that made Song Lan’s chest hurt.

“Sleeping on you,” he said. “Well.”

“He tells me,” Song Lan said, with a little bit of despair, “that we’re ‘not friends, or whatever.’” He’d also said Song Lan was his, which he didn’t know how to take.

Xingchen’s expression flickered and fell, though he recovered quickly.

“It’s not true,” he said. Song Lan let his silence speak for him, and Xingchen said, “he fell asleep on you. And still is, now. Whether he knows it or not, that is a certain amount of trust.”

Maybe, Song Lan thought, but I would like him to know it.

“He’ll get there, Zichen,” Xingchen said soothingly.

Maybe, Song Lan thought again. But he was also thinking about the flushed red of Xue Yang’s cheek after he’d hit him, and the exhilaration of doing it, the sharp stabbing hunger, and he had to wonder if, deep down, Xue Yang was right about him after all.

[psychewritesbs]

Is Megumi done dying to win?

Is Gojo the strongest?

This question came up on Instagram earlier today, and I mentioned that I was starting to feel like Gojo is not as infallible as we might have been led to believe. I added that in a battle between Gojo and a Megumi who has stepped into his potential, my money is on Megumi.

The way I see it, the only CT that can rival a limitless CT, is a CT of endless darkness--like Megumi’s shadow realm. 

Of course, I’m just speculating about Megumi’s shadow realm being one of endless darkness. 

But we do know that Gojo shared with Megumi that the 10 shadows CT has rivaled limitless in the past in chapter 117. Thus implying Megumi has the same potential.

But what struck me were the responses I got from others who still see Megumi as not having grown at all:

“Honestly same but Megumi doesn't even hesitate to throw his life away. It'll probably take him a lot of time to surpass Gojo (that is, if he doesn't kill himself).”

This type of comment about Megumi is not uncommon even though in chapter 109 Megumi literally tells us “even if I risk my life, I don’t plan on throwing it away”.

So all I can think is that people who think Megumi is still throwing his life away have either not read the Shibuya Arc or missed the nuances.

Meaning... during the Yasohachi bridge ordeal, when Megumi snapped, I wonder if he also realized that if he dies, he’s basically abandoning not just Tsumiki, but also Yuji and Nobara. It’s like the whole experience made him realize he’s more valuable alive than dead.

Gege shows us this new attitude and growth further when Megumi summons Mahoraga to kill Shigemo.

Ironically, Megumi is infamous for trying to summon Mahoraga every time he finds himself in a pinch. Megumi does it one too many times prior to the Shibuya Arc but is always somehow stopped before he goes through with the ritual.

Gojo even tells him that relying on Mahoraga as his trump card is what’s holding him back from getting stronger. Rightfully so.

But Megumi unleashing Mahoraga on Shigemo was actually not an act of desperation like in previous chapters, but rather a deliberate “F*CK YOU, even if I die, I’m going to win”.

Excuse my French.

Let me explain...

Megumi's overkill win over Shigemo

In other words, Megumi, just like he did when he manifested his DE back during the Yasohachi Bridge Arc, risked his life to win instead of dying to win.

By the time Shigemo gets to Megumi and injures him fatally, Megumi had already fought other enemies, he had exhausted his CE by using his DE while battling Dagon (an impressive feat as it is, and we already know it takes a huge toll on his body), AND he was also injured from his battle with Toji.

He was basically at his limit. This time, he really was at a point where he couldn’t run, he couldn’t fight, and he could probably barely defend himself. 

The interesting part is that he hesitates to summon Mahoraga with Toji, who compared to Shigemo is a real beast.

And yet, at the same time, you can tell he’s probably still coming up with ideas of what else he could do instead of summoning Mahoraga.

With Shigemo, on the other hand, he probably realized that his only choice if he wanted to win was to summon Mahoraga.

Because that's just it. In summoning Mahoraga against Shigemo, Megumi was making a statement. Not only was Megumi punishing Shigemo (he doesn’t like bullies, remember?), he was also fighting to win, even if it meant risking his life.

And nothing says “there was no way I would have let you win and now you get to pay the consequences” more than Megumi’s smug smile in the panel below.

To be honest, I’ve always found Megumi unleashing Mahoraga on Shigemo very overkill. He clearly had enough left in him to summon Mahoraga, so I am assuming he could have summoned Kon, or Nue, or Rabbit Escape.

But no. Megumi went for the cruelest, most overkill, most sadistic form of punishing and getting back at Shigemo. 

Mahoraga.

Had Sukuna not intervened, Mahoraga would have had Shigemo with his toast for breakfast.

It would take Megumi a LONG TIME to catch up to Gojo

Or would it?

With the Culling Games around the corner, and with the possible foreshadowing that Sukuna’s plans will make Megumi suffer, I shared how I believe Gege has beat Yuji’s ego to a pulp, but so far Megumi has been spared Gege’s cruelty.

As it’s been stated before, the learning curve of a Jujutsu Sorcerer is not a kind one. It usually takes for a JJS to have their backs against a wall for them to grow exponentially.

Above all, having read chapter 158, I am wondering just how willing Megumi would be to kill others for Tsumiki’s sake, and what that means for his mental health.

Would he come to enjoy it as much as he enjoyed punishing Shigemo?

I guess we’ll find out.

The Jujutsu Kaisen Project

Anyways, thanks so much for nerding out with me. I LOVE reading your comments and chatting about JJK theory, so don’t hesitate to leave a comment!

That being said, in order to write this analysis I just went through 26 JJK manga chapters to find these particular panels of Megumi highlighting his subtle change in perspective regarding relying on his “trump card”. The good news is that this allowed me to start cataloguing the manga chapters like the total organizational nerd that I am.

If, like me, it would help to read a quick synopsis of the chapter so that you can find what you’re looking for more efficiently, then the Jujutsu Kaisen Project might help you. It is a work in progress so just bear with me as I work my way through the manga in search for more juicy foreshadowing and details.

[skeche]

AU where og!hc meets modern!xl. xl is learning how to handle it.

He had strawberry in his mouth. 

Xie Lian smiles in joy at the sight: his cute pursed lips around the strawberry and large hands cupping the tiny plate gently. He screamed cuteness but Xie Lian knew he wouldn't take kindly to being called cute. 

Hua Cheng looks back at him with a bored expression, chewing. He handled the encounter with the duo surprisingly with ease, very in character for Hua Cheng. He tells him as much. 

"San Lang, you did so well! You really acted like… well, yourself!" He breaks away from the loveseat he was leaning against to stand in front of him. He's slightly bouncing on the balls of his heels in excitement. 

Hua Cheng glances away to swallow before giving a small smile. "I did as gege told me, I acted as I usually would. The two idiots are unsurprisingly just as annoying as my world."

Xie Lian's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Your world… Are they there too? Are there other versions of people that are here?" 

"I'm sorry, gege, I'm not sure. But we can assume so, yes." 

He nods. "Very interesting. I wonder if your version of me is here? And my San Lang-" He stops and looks curiously at Hua Cheng. 

He bites into the last strawberry, innocent, his slightly pointed teeth making the fruit bleed onto his lips. They were dying them a deeper red. He makes a curious noise for Xie Lian to continue. 

"Is he in your world? Is it dangerous there?" 

His gut twists with concern but Hua Cheng's expression stays steady. "Yeah, he should be fine. My butterflies have been looking around this entire time and haven't found him or- you, anywhere." 

He walks over to the kitchen and lets the uneaten strawberry stems and leaves fall into the garbage can, just as Feng Xin did earlier.

"My world is dangerous but, if I am the only one to come over here and switch places with him, then he is in good hands."

He sounds confident but Xie Lian can't stop himself from biting his lip. Well, there wasn't much he could do for now, anyway. Speaking of which…

"Are you going to go back? How did you get here?" He trails along to the kitchen and leans against the island as Hua Cheng puts the plate in the sink along with a few others.

He was surprisingly adept at using context clues to maneuver this world, if his own world was more behind in technology as Xie Lian suspects.

"I'm sorry gege, I do not know the answer to either." 

"Hm." He crosses his arms in thought as Hua Cheng continues.

"I am in the middle of investigating how to return, though. If there really are other versions of those I know, I have a few leads." He oozed confidence that Xie Lian didn't quite feel, but he trusted him.

"With your little butterflies?"

"Mh."

"What else can you do other than change your looks?" He tilts his head as Hua Cheng seems to nervously fidget his hands together. He twisted his fingers iver his left middle finger, as if to touch a ring, but stop when they reach only skin.

He stares down at his hands before saying, "I can do whatever gege needs of me. This San Lang is your humble servant." 

Xie Lian blushes at such serious wording. Although his own Hua Cheng has said similar, it was never as if Xie Lian was his master. 

He waves his hand in front of him nervously. "Nonsense! San Lang is no servant of mine, he is my friend. I was just curious." 

Hua Cheng gives him a mirthful look with a crooked smile. It was endearing to see. "Very well. I can do many things, what would you like me to do?" 

Xie Lian hums in thought and crosses his arms again. What could he ask him to do? He said he was a ghost king, did that mean he had a whole country do his bidding? Did he walk through walls, go invisible like a ghost? 

"Can you walk through walls?" 

"Hm, essentially, I suppose. Would gege like to see?" 

He nods eagerly and watches as Hua Cheng steps out from the counters to the wall directly next to his bedroom. If he walked through it he would be right next to where he kept Ruoye. 

Hua Cheng takes out a pair of dice seemingly from his pockets and rolls them in the air. A light filters in a rectangle in front of him on the wall. He glances back at Xie Lian before stepping into it- the light disappears as if shattered. 

Xie Lian stands there with his eyes wide for a moment before running to his bedroom door. When he opens it he sees Hua Cheng studying the enclosure Ruoye hid in. It was currently out and passively flicking its tongue at him. He had his hand slowly reaching to touch him.

He really stepped through the wall.

[seoafin]

Hello!!

I'm back again with another ask, I'm just very excited to see a blog that interprets Gojou in the same manner as me (lol I think I follow like 4 blogs for Gojou content) and writes him in a manner that I really vibe with and such! Also! I know my asks are long so please don't feel the need to answer right away, take your time!!

Yes, yes! I do think that Gojou is introspective, but he's just so round about and awkward when it comes to expressing his emotions, pls he's so sad and pathetic (affectionate) (altho! I think this aspect of him makes him very human in a story that emphasizes his power and god-likeness so much, y'know?)

And omg yes! HS Gojou would have been the biggest tsundere!! I completely agree with you there!! Pls he would be all loud and jokey and just an overall menace to you, but inside, his heart is beating like crazy, and his brain cells are fighting for their lives, it takes his all his will power to not combust LOLLL pls he's so ridiculous, I love him 🥺

Gojou being extra touchy and clingy my beloved 💗 I just know that Gojou is soooo touch starved, and that when reader breaks down his walls, and is physically affectionate with him, he like descends into the clouds, he would become so addicted to their touch, and being without it would be torture for him (lol I think I could write like a whole essay on Gojou being touched stared 😭) and he would be so whiny and pouty when you don't give him attention, a whole man child honestly LMFAO

LOL your tag about shoujo always having a special place in your heart is ASHGAFIOBHADF, cuz SAME, I've read so many shoujo manga, and watched so many kdramas and 90s bollywood movies that have just filled my brain with romantic fantasies LMAOASLAFB And I think it is very apparent because the very first fic that I wrote for Gojou a few months ago was soo shoujo-esque in its just overall vibes, and even the one I'm working on right now has like shojou-esque vibes and scenes, and even when I draw Gojou, I draw him in a shoujo-esque manner (I had a moot tag a sketch of him as shoujo gojo LOL) anyways all of this is to say is that I totally support your shoujo agenda, and that Gojou should be written as the lovesick and insane and obsessive and pathetic male lead of a shoujo manga 💗

Ahhh I'm glad you liked my dad Gojou drawing!! He is very dear to me, and while I think that Dad Gojou would not be a perfect father, he would do his best, and make sure that his children feel very loved and adored ASKJAS idk if Gege will give Gojou a happy ending, but in my little ame-universe, I will give him a happy and loving family and a thousand happy endings and more 🥺💗(LOL I have fully accepted and embraced the fact that I am SOFT for Gojou ALIFOBJADG)

Also your tag about 'gojo's breeding kink > gojo' like no you're right, I get it and totally agree with you there AVHDOIBHDBALBFDBHDB

Also thank you for explaining the pun! I found it really interesting, and now I'm just sitting here and wondering if Gojou is just walking around making puns all the time, and if that is another reason added to Megumi's growing list of why he finds Gojou annoying LOL (altho on a serious note, I wish the official english translations included this note because I think something as small as this adds to Gojou's overall character especially since Gege I think does a really good job of showing his characters in a few lines, but alas, 😭)

Ahhh this ask also got out of control LOL but thank you for listening to me rant about Gojou! I'm having a lot of fun talking about him with you!! 🥺💗

the two of us talking about gojo is literally that clown to clown communication meme i have somewhere in my phone gallery

i think especially when it comes to love hs gojo was like. i will just Not Think About It. and then proceeds to do the worst thing ever to sabotage his chances of ever getting together (rip!mc is oblivious but gojo is also 100% at fault) like it's honestly CLOWN behavior how much he pretends he's not affected by anything but he IS and he makes a fool out of himself everytime!!!!

i feel like clingy touch starved gojo is the one thing the fandom CAN come to a consensus on and it's hilarious bc i bet he is so unbearable about it and makes it everyone's business how much he misses his s/o to the point where they're like just go.

also sooo true about shoujo manga. i think we SHOULD romanticize this man to make him bearable. make him smitten. make him pathetic. make him your poor little meow meow. as a treat. "Gojou should be written as the lovesick and insane and obsessive and pathetic male lead of a shoujo manga" so true bestie so true. i knew we were kindred spirits when you said that in your first ask amen.

and yes!!!!! your drawing definitely had shoujo vibes it was adorable!!!!!! gojo would NOT be a perfect dad i agree but he would try his best so he gets points for that ig.....

[xz1005fanblog]

2021-02-27 Some things I want to say

WARNING LONG POST

Context first, translation of his post above will follow:

Disclaimer: I have no interest in other artists other than Xiao Zhan, and I am merely explaining the situation of the fandom in China that led us to the fiasco in March 2020. I do not care for bjyx, I ship WangXian but I do not ship real people as a basic principle.

My opinion as an international fan of Xiao Zhan and as an AO3 user (yes, I am not Chinese nor do I live in China, I just happen to be able to read Chinese) is that C-entertainment industry is TOXIC and celebrities are not free targets for you to cyberbully. They are human just like you and me. 

Everyone needs to learn a bit more about compassion. 

I am sure all of you read about the cyberbullying Xiao Zhan went through last year. There were multiple factors that started all of this, most of which XZ doesn’t talk about in this letter because of how sensitive the topic is in China. I’ve never explained entirely what happened because I personally thought that this is not something overseas fans should worry too much about. Especially since most of you don’t have a wb or db account, there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. But since Xiao Zhan himself decided to post a letter to respond to this subject, I’ll put in my 2 cents just that so everyone is on the same page.

Basically, after The Untamed aired in China, the show fandom split into 3 groups. XZ fans, WYB fans, and CP fans (or bjyx, whatever you wish to call it, those who love shipping these two real people together - not just the characters in the drama). Of course there are still people who would watch the show without becoming a fan of the actors.

At the beginning, most people thought they were good friends with each other, with all the short BTS clips from The Untamed. However, fans slowly discovered that it wasn’t the case. Some unofficial BTS clips emerged where WYB said XZ was shooting multiple dramas at the same time = 轧戏 (which is very frowned upon and a disrespectful thing to say to an actor), whereas in reality, XZ only asked for a couple of days days off during the shooting for The Untamed because his scenes in Joy of Life had to be redone and he was bound by contract. On the contrary, WYB had to ask for most weekends off because he was participating in Produce 101 at the time. Other clips shows them fighting about somethings WYB said about WWX, which made XZ mad. So this broke a lot of CP fans’ image of their relationship, and they either stopped shipping/became XZ or WYB fans only. This angered WYB’s fans, of course, which made them blame XZ for the entire fiasco.  

Other incidents continued to happen after the show which increased the friction between these 3 fan groups. XZ fans and WYB fans would fight about various voting charts, and fight with CP fans because they don’t like seeing the two actors together. In the meantime, CP fans continuously feminize and weaken XZ in order to ship the 2 actors together (it’s rather an unhealthy trend in China, I’ve been in multiple other western fandoms before - not real person shipping - but we rarely glorify weakening/feminizing the bottom of a ship, because of the underlying prejudice against real homosexuals, who are not synonymous to transgenders).

Some incidents added oil to the fire afterwards. It’ll take me too long to explain everything, so I’ll just put here the main ones to explain why there’s so much bad blood between these 3 groups of fans.

On XZ’s birthday, some CP fans found XZ’s parents’ apartment building and yelled BJYX is real. This angered a lot of XZ fans, because of how disrespectful it was towards the old couple and the clear breach of privacy. WYB fans and some CP fans were also angry that XZ didn’t reply immediately to the birthday wish on wb that WYB sent at midnight (??? XZ was busy shooting a drama, can you blame him for not being on wb at midnight? Give the guy a break.)

In November 2019, WYB filed a lawsuit against some of XZ’s fans (instead against of his own haters!) for dissing him (although I’ve never seen any proof, and a few of those fans remain active on wb now, one of whom has even defended WYB's portrayal of LWJ before...). This angered a lot of XZ fans and CP fans who didn’t understand how he could have done this to his “friend”, and further proved that their relationship wasn’t that fantastic to begin with. WYB fans felt justified in hating XZ and all XZ fans as a result, and openly bullied XZ fans on the grounds of the Nanking CQL Concert. 

In January, The Untamed was named to Beijing Journal Drama award. CP fans and WYB fans were unhappy that XZ was named to the Best Male Lead category and WYB was named to the Best Male 2nd Lead. They attacked the award committee wb by spam commenting all their wb posts and the entire drama was pulled from the nomination afterward. XZ fans were especially angry that they started all this only for the nomination to be pulled out - because the only possibility was one Male Lead per drama, and anyone would agree that if chosen between WWX and LWJ, the character with the most scenes and importance in the story is WWX. 

Yadda yadda yadda, fast forward to February 2020, it started with a fanfiction written by a CP fan that depicted XZ as a prostitute transgender woman and WYB as a highschool kid (UNDERAGE) = AKA very sensitive material in China. It was posted on AO3, but the author posted the link of said fic on wb and a lot of CP fans broadcasted it around, so much that XZ fans became aware of it. Due to how sensitive the material is and how badly it would taint XZ’s image for his future roles, some XZ fans started reporting the wb post that contained the link (NOT AO3) and the author’s wb page. This is common practice in fandom on wb, usually done to get the wb posts taken down. This caused panic in the CP fans crowd because they thought XZ fans were reporting AO3 and that they were gonna lose the website (which is impossible, because AO3′s servers are in Sweden and not subject to Chinese laws anyway). 

Because of how sensitive AO3 was in China and how haters tried to pull in antigovernmental into their crowds, the subject quickly became too dangerous for XZ fans to get involved in. Official fan groups in China unanimously decided to ask all fans to stop participating in the online debate and stay within the fan group circle only. 

Someone on AO3 made a commentary about this incident that you can find here. She dug up a lot of info on the companies feeding money to the trolls online, but as I am an overseas fan and cannot really verify her info, I will not comment on those statements. 

Sometime in the middle of this fiasco, someone started spreading the notion that XZ fans hated fanfiction and were trying to report anything that goes against their image of their idol... And subsequently people who were not CP fans or XZ fans became aware of this problem when they couldn’t access AO3 suddenly because too much curious fans where trying to access it and they crashed the servers. However later on, people could access the website without any problems. I am not personally in China right now so I can’t verify these claims of the website being walled or not for real, but I know from various reliable sources that on March 1st it was only an overload of the server, and people could still access afterwards. 

With this however, haters (which include previous CP fans, WYB fans, and other idol’s fans) attacked XZ for not telling his fans to stop reporting, for not saying anything. They attacked XZ’s endorsements and spammed hate speech on the products he was promoting. They would rate 1 star in all his dramas and songs on db, and then buy accounts to further rate 1 stars (yes that thing exists in China, everything can be bought in China, don’t ask me why.) The reason why I believe that all this wasn’t coincidental, is that barely the day after the fiasco started, someone posted on db the exact list of all his sponsorships, detailing exactly who to call to protest, what words to spam in the comment sections of various official brands’ wb accounts. This entire thing was too well planned to be just a normal fandom fight. 

Whether it was other actors’ fans who organized this to cut down competition, we will probably never know for sure. The following year was laden with fake rumors, hate speech blasting from multiple directions. They attacked his personality, saying that his polite manners are just for show (when the reality is that he has always been a gentleman even when he wasn’t popular). They attacked XZ for faking donations to Wuhan, forcing him to show his donation certificate to prove himself. One of his friends couldn’t stand the cyberbullying anymore and revealed publicly that his grandfather recently passed away (the date on this drawing is 2020.03.03, he couldn’t post this last year). 

His friend defending him from the cyberbullies, saying that he had plenty of reasons to stay silent. That his grandfather passed away recently and his family has been planning his funeral. 

(Sources also said that his mother was hospitalized a few days afterwards. And that haters went to his mother’s hospital to harass her and her nurses)

Haters saying that XZ is using his grandfather’s death to excuse himself (??? is he not allowed to grieve like a normal person???)

Haters wishing that XZ becomes depressed from the cyberbullying and kills himself, wishing that he was dead, wishing that his fans were dead too. Photoshopping his picture into a funeral portrait to curse him

Haters admitting they are cyberbullying XZ, but rejoicing in the fact that they are so many so XZ can’t sue all of them. They have also reported his upcoming dramas for various reasons just so they cannot be aired. 

The airplane incident I’ve already talked about here.

A picture antis made to diss on XZ fans: AO3 can be still accessed even if it’s walled, Lofter can be still access even if it’s taken down from the app store. Your gege’s picture are still accessible even if he died. 

I’ve only posted here the tamest screenshots, there are far worst ones that I won’t be posting because the amount of vitriol give me nausea just looking at them. 

In all this fiasco, antis gave him the tag of “idol who didn’t manage his fans well”. But Xiao Zhan never thought fans needed to be trained, he thought of them like normal people, and their love, something to be treasured and not used. But some people in China still blamed his fans for starting all this mess, and partly him and his studio for not being able to stop it. 

Below is the translation for XZ’s letter, posted on the wb post above

Some Things I Want To Say

Today, I have something to say to everyone. I’ve thought of a lot of ways to do this, but in the end, I chose the simplest way to tell everyone about all my feelings and thoughts in the past year. These opinions, maybe they won’t be able to represent anything, nor won’t they be able to change anything, but I still wish to say this today. 

On this day last year, the incident happened very quickly, as if a bomb exploded on my face - endless phone calls, never ending message notifications, everyone’s opinions and questions came in like a tsunami. I wanted to say something back then, but I didn’t know what exactly. I was apprehensive of making a statement, afraid that one wrong word, or one wrong sentence would be taken the wrong way and end up adding oil to the fire. This is why at that time, I chose not to say anything. 

I never thought that the online fighting would grow bigger and bigger like an avalanche, getting larger crowds involved, and gradually leaving one person’s control. Even though afterwards I made repeated statements to make amends, it could not develop as I wished it to anymore. 

This life filled with broken protests and tumultuous noise continued to this day. And I felt I was going through a very dark and never ending tunnel. Unrest, ruminations, turmoil... I have also asked myself what did I do wrong exactly, why did everything after that day became as if it were an uncontrollable vessel. 

I spent a lot of time to digest, and then spent a lot of time to understand, understand everyone’s words and actions. Slowly, I started to understand what everyone was criticizing about me personally. The moment that I chose not to say anything, I lost that window of opportunity to reason with everyone. So I was wrong, from the very beginning. 

At that time, I wasn’t yet able to clearly understand the entire incident, to understand everyone’s feelings, nor did I know what kind of responsibility I had to carry as a public figure. Thus, I missed that opportunity to communicate with everyone, and wasn’t able to withstand the responsibility of letting these antagonizing feelings grow. Now, I can clearly recognize that throughout this year, this criticism that everyone had against me of “Idol Who Lost Its Voice”, was correct. During this year I reflected upon this repeatedly, as a public figure, I have to not only improve myself within the boundaries of my profession, but also have to carry the social responsibility that comes with my influence. To influence those who like me, who follow me, towards the right worldviews within my capacity. Even though my studio and I have already expressed some opinions through wb and interviews, but scars that this incident that brought such antagonistic emotions between different circles are still difficult to heal. 

No matter how late, my own problem has to be corrected. I would like to express my first comment: Xiao Zhan, would like to apologize for “losing voice” towards those who have been affected by this incident. This is my first responsibility towards the public, face the problem and admit my faults. 

Also, I would like to use this opportunity to speak with my fans. This is my second responsibility. In one of my interviews last year, I have said, I do not really agree with “managing” my fans (some celebs in China have hired people to manage fan groups in order for them to behave in certain ways for their purposes. Antis tried to spread the false rumor that XZ also had those people and that they directed their fans to start this mess), because everyone is an individual. No matter my studio nor myself, we do not have the authority to “manage” them like some would manage workers in a company. Afterwards, I reflected many times, maybe I cannot use the word “manage” to define my relationship with my fans, but I do have the responsibility to “correctly influence, and actively advocate”. So today, I would like to tell my fans, everyone has the right to like or hate something, and it should be respected and allowed within their own space. Of course this right should be reasonable, should not hurt anyone else, and remain within the boundaries of the correct values and norms. I hope my fans and friends can understand that no matter which profession, no matter what age, one’s own preferences or actions should not cross the line for one’s professional ethics or disrespect basic principles. 

(Here he is referring to reports of teachers using his name in class or asking children to say his name to cheer for him. This is a problem that occurred also with other celebrities in China, and for which he has already expressed himself previously.)

No matter online or in real life, everyone should be responsible for their own words. I also hope that we are not represented tags like “xx’s fans”, that we do not set this as the basis of where we stand on a topic nor do we let this determine what’s right or wrong. Everyone have their own hobbies and interest, respect everyone’s choice and freedom of speech. No matter whether they like me or hate me is their own right. Passion, this should be a source of strength to everyone, I do not wish for it to consume or hurt anyone. Perhaps I cannot change this kind of environment, but at least for you and me, today is a new start point. 

At last, I would like to talk a bit about myself. Ever since I came into this field, until today, I have always been defined by some tags. But the reason why I originally stepped into this circle was my passion for performance and music. And this is why, I will keep working on becoming a better actor and singer. The sudden criticism of “having lost voice” made me realize that, other than what I have always focused on professionally, I have to also be able to carry the responsibility of a public figure and an idol. I was born in a normal family in Chong Qing, and have lived a normal life, like many other people, for more than twenty years. Today I will also use this opportunity to apologize for the words I have said before as a normal person (I’ve already talked about it here), for the people I have inadvertently hurt. As I work hard on studying to become a better person, I will try to become a better “public figure”, so that these two Xiao Zhan can blend in together, for a better self. 

This past year, no matter big or small, I have to be responsible for the incidents that happened because of me. I can demand this for myself, but I have no right to force it on other people, so I can only hope that those who really like me can really listen to me: please be a bit more reasonable for things outside of personal preferences. Live a healthy life, put more time and energy onto one’s real life, and less on the senseless fighting behind fake IDs and unreliable online world. Only to become a better self. 

(Here he’s referring to an online fight that an anti called 晨小晨 started. I’ve already explained a bit here.  #微博管理员回应晨小晨事件# )

Sorry for any grammar errors, this post was really long to make and I didn’t proofread. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to translate the entire thing for overseas fans since you don’t understand the entire context, and because I wanted my wb records collection tag to be complete, I felt I had to... and I got carried away trying to explain everything. Tried to summarize it as much as I could.

As a fan of Xiao Zhan and also an AO3 user, I would still like to apologize for how this bullshi*t ended up disrupting respectful and peaceful users of AO3. The Untamed tag did not contain hate fics before all of this happened, it is unfortunate that a place where there used to be only love, ended up being tainted by antis and haters.

To the anonymous person who asked me a few months ago if I supported bjyx, this is my answer: You have the right to like whatever you want within your own corner, as long as it doesn’t bother anyone else and isn’t against basic principles. I ship WangXian as characters from a novel, but I have never liked RPS as a principle. 

[forgotten-envies]

For prompts-- lan wangji teaches wwx how to do something new! ❤️❤️ Thank you for the food 😊

Oof. I’m sorry this took so long. Still, it’s done! Soft and sweet! Thank you for the prompt and I hope you like it!

Oh and I Think This Is the Best Day of My Life

It’s late, probably, when Wei Wuxian stumbles toward the kitchens. It’s hard to tell when the sky is dark and he’s just waking up after a nice nap (he’d call it sleep, but he reserves that term for the peaceful rest he gets when Lan Zhan’s in bed with him.) Anyway, the Lans aren’t out and as far as he knows, he’s never woken up naturally before chenshi.

He can see some light in the building brushing the stones outside its windows a homely orange. He hopes this means there’s someone in there and not that a fire’s been made for overnight baking. Fires, unlike people, don’t respond to his natural charisma and furthermore can't fold dumplings. He’s really craving dumplings.

His stomach growls and he nearly growls back. It’s gotten far too comfortable as Lan Zhan’s husband. There was really no need to be woken from sleep just to eat.

He reaches the door, but can’t smell anything baking. Hopefully there’s a person, then, a generous Lan willing to feed the spouse of their Chief Cultivator. Wei Wuxian’s face molds easily into a pout and he slides open the door.

On the other side, Lan Zhan tilts his eyes up from the cabbage he’s chopping for a brief moment to meet Wei Wuxian’s surprised gaze. He’d expected him to be stuck in a late meeting or finishing letters where his husband could be sure he wouldn’t disturb Wei Wuxian’s sleep. Honestly, he’d prefer that Lan Zhan stay near him, even if he’d be kept up, but he appreciates the consideration.

Instead, Lan Zhan is standing in the kitchen still wearing the Chief Cultivator getup, sans outermost robe, but it’s trailing sleeves are tied back and his face is relaxed in a way it never is while performing his duties. Deft, calloused hands gather a bundle of onions and begin dicing them.

Wei Wuxian pulls the door closed behind him and drifts over, confused. Had Lan Zhan been so focused that he missed dinner? It must be. They hadn’t been able to see each other today, as occasionally happened, and Wei Wuxian hadn’t been there to use his Lan Zhan charming skills to get him to put off his duties long enough to eat.

"Is this a late dinner, Lan er-gege?" He can't help the teasing tone. He's impressed that Lan Zhan's awake at whichever hour it is.

Lan Zhan only gives him a pointed look.

"What? You should've eaten earlier. Just 'cause I'm not there to nag doesn't mean the Chief Cultivator should fast. You need food in you!"

Lan Zhan's gaze slips briefly to the side and then back down at the dark, reddish liquid he's mixing, likely a dipping sauce or glaze. It's the Lan Zhan equivalent of an eyeroll. Wei Wuxian just laughs and leans forward, picking up another finished bowl of liquid and swirling it around.

"So what'cha making? I came in here for a snack but the aunties already left, so I'll have to bother you instead."

"A snack?" His husband's voice is low and unimpressed, but teasing.

"Sure! I woke up and this weak stomach won't leave me alone, so I came to beg for some dumplings. What? Are you worried I'll eat out my welcome in midnight snacks?"

"Was your dinner not sufficient?"

He waves a hand dismissively. "Oh no, it was great! Though not your cooking, of course. I much prefer the chili oil and spices you add to whatever it is they teach Lans to make. Only you can fulfill my needs so well!" Honestly, Wei Wuxian can't remember having dinner, or really much of the last day at all if he tries to think about it, but it's not like that's entirely uncommon. And he usually remembers to eat! So he must've at some point. The disciples know to deliver his meals to the jingshi.

"So when will it be done? And what are you making? I hope you know I'll steal some, Lan Zhan. What's yours is mine!"

"If you are impatient, you may have that." He points to further down the table where a tray of food sits. It's disappointingly gray in tone; he'd much rather wait for whatever it is Lan Zhan's making.

"What's this? Your dinner? You really should have eaten it when it was still warm. Most of those people don't deserve your time, anyway!" Wei Ying is toeing the line, close to hating his husband's position. Sure, it's fulfilling and impactful, but Lan Zhan's really worse off for it and those chirping Sect Leaders monopolize his time which means that Wei Ying can't.

"It is not."

"Ah? Not what? It's definitely cold by now!" He pokes it to prove his point.

"It is not mine."

"What, did someone else refuse to eat, too? You Lans may not act human, but you are! Food is important! Though really, how could the Chief Cultivator lower himself so? Let the poor disciple get his own food!"

Wei Wuxian hears a conspicuous huff. A tiny smile sits on Lan Zhan's face, the crooked one that means he's laughing at someone and Wei Wuxian is the only other person in the room.

"It is yours."

That... makes a lot of sense. "It is?"

"You were asleep on the floor when I came in at xushi. The food was uneaten."

Well. That explains why he couldn't remember most of today. "You moved me to the bed? Aww that's so sweet! Oh! And your cooking! You stayed up to feed me?”

"Mn. Wei Ying needs to eat." Lan Zhan is tossing a bowl of chopped-up greens now. They are covered in a promising orange, though.

Wei Wuxian laughs, a little sheepishly. "I guess I do."

"Do you know why you were unconscious?"

"Uhh... no? I don't really remember anything past breakfast." He'd planned to spend yesterday in his little workshop close to the jingshi (separate so their house wouldn't be destroyed by a stray talisman) but he didn't know why he would've..."Wait! I-" He clears his throat. "I do. Remember that transportation talisman I made? For Jin Ling? Well, I think I tested it, and apparently the amount of energy it uses isn't much different from the traditional version, despite the shorter distance. It worked though! I got to the jingshi!"

The talisman was a joke, meant to transport the user only a short distance away. It would be a perfect escape from a wall, though. Jin Ling might refuse to speak with him for a week after he gifts it, but in his opinion it's worth it to give Jin Ling's friends material to tease him with.

"Mn. Your spiritual energy is not sufficient to use them." He's pouring oil on his creation, now.

"Well I know that now!" He wasn't planning to use it again. At least not before making a few tweaks. He couldn't endanger his nephew, after all! "Soooo... what'cha making?"

"Dumplings."

"What, really?! Oh, when will they be done?"

"I am almost ready to fold them."

"That really doesn't answer my question. Will it be soon? And how soon is soon? I don't want to fall asleep right here!"

"If you cannot wait, you may help." Lan Zhan says, holding out a thin circle of dough.

He's about to protest. After all, the juniors all say he can't cook without making a victim of the intended recipient, but if he is the one it's for... he rinses his hands off in a nearby water basin and takes the dough. He's never had a problem eating his own cooking.

Lan Zhan motions him over to his side of the table and picks up another circle. There's a dozen of them, perfectly shaped and ready to be made into dumplings. Wei Wuxian had seen Shijie and the servants make these many times. Even though it's been a lifetime since then, he still gets the basic theory.

He spoons a generous helping of the filling into the middle of the dough and brings the edges to the center, so it looks like a lumpy ball with a strange flowery part at the top. He grins and looks up at Lan Zhan.

His husband looks horrified.

Still, he moves slowly and carefully takes the overflowing ball of goodness, gently prying it open. "What, no! Put it in the steamer, Lan Zhan!"

There's a heavy sigh that speaks of the many hours of headache Lan Zhan has lived through today. "Wei Ying, no." He separates the ball back into a circle and removes some of the filling. "Do it like this. Only use a little." When there's what Lan Zhan has deemed to be a perfectly sized pat of filling, he brings two opposite points on the rim of the circle together and folds the ends so that they nearly, but not quite, touch this middle point. "Do not make it like a ball. It should lay on its side." Then he presses the lined up edges together so that they're sealed. At this point, he takes Wei Wuxian's limp, empty fingers and runs them along the edge. "If they are not sealed, the filling will come out." He hands the completed dumpling to Wei Wuxian. "Now you may put this in the steamer."

Wei Wuxian is thankful he remembers to brush oil on the bottom of the steamer before putting Lan Zhan’s dumpling in it. He’s trying to prove he’s not a hopeless cook, after all.

When he turns back, Lan Zhan hands him a slip of dough and picks up his own. Wei Wuxian gets the message and goes to stand beside him. His husband is a great teacher, but typically he’s instructing disciples in the best method to banish spirits or giving lectures on boring topics like the Lan ancestors. Here, though, he’s simply teaching Wei Wuxian how to fold dumplings. The domesticity of it brings a smile to his face

Together, they add the filling and fold the dough, Lan Zhan adjusting his technique with warm hands around Wei Wuxian’s own. In this way they work for several minutes, each revelling in the peace and intimacy of being here together, working together. He thinks of Lotus Pier’s kitchens, a nighthunt’s campfire, and the warmth of an oven, a little cabin rising behind it. He thinks the feeling would stay the same, no matter where they might be.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan.” Contentment fills him, and suddenly he’s tired, eyes heavy in this comfortable atmosphere.

“Mn.”

Wei Wuxian adds filling to the last bit of dough and leans into his husband’s side as he folds it, resting his head on a broad shoulder. The dumpling doesn’t look like Lan Zhan’s, still a bit uneven, but he lays it in the steamer and laughs a little at the difference between his and Lan Zhan’s.

“Lan Zhan’s are perfect.” His voice is happy, blissful.

His husband puts an arm around his waist and puts on the steamer’s lid. “Wei Ying’s are unique.”

That startles a laugh from Wei Wuxian and he nudges Lan Zhan’s side, urging him to get the dumplings cooking and soothe his rumbling stomach. He settles by the table, chin resting on one hand. The fire, newly started by his husband, warms him.

Note: Chenshi is the shichen or two-hour block after maoshi, the Lan wake-up time. Chenshi goes from 7:00-8:59 am. Xushi goes from 7:00-8:59 pm. This is using the traditional system instead of the Song Dynasty system, which starts on even hours.

Title from “Little Amens” by David Hodges.

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[presumenothing]

wherefore // 几生轮回

unfinished nirvana in fire fic for @goodintentionswipfest​

(aka the kimi no na wa au that i posted the first part of in 2018 before being once again reminded that i am physically incapable of plot. sections i-iii are complete, rough outline follows afterwards)

i.

When Jingyan wakes up in another body, his first reaction is to be altogether grateful that he’s spent much more time at the borders and generally out of the capital than your average nobility. The slightest breath of unusually chilly morning air is enough to confirm that this is all the way to the border – of Liang and Da Yu, Jingyan suspects, much further north than even he’s ever gone.

(…well actually his first reaction is a flat startled “what”, right before he’d pinched himself to check if he’s still dreaming, but Jingyan figures anyone would’ve done the same anyway.)

The first bell of morning rings outside, and out of long habit Jingyan swings his feet off the bed and makes to rise before he can entirely realise what a terribly bad idea that is.

At least he manages to catch himself with a hasty hand on the bedframe. He’s even less coordinated than he was right after his growth spurt, when Jingyu-gege had kept a very straight face and not laughed at him at all.

That’s when Jingyan sees it: the ring of a silver bracelet around his ar– well, not his arm, but currently-his arm. Whatever.

He runs a light finger over the cool metal surface, over the deep grooves of an emblem that curls like flames and the shallower etch of a name. Lin Shu, it says.

Jingyan stands, properly this time, and goes to peer out the window, wondering if this Lin Shu can afford to take a day off. Whoever he is.

.

As it turns out, the answer to that is a resounding no, because Lin-Shu-whoever-he-is turns out to be the young marshal of this border army, as Jingyan swiftly finds out as he makes his way to morning drills.

Something he probably should’ve noticed right off, really, given the room he’d woken up in. Not large, certainly not by Jinling’s standards, but the noticeable lack of sharing made it a rare luxury in the barracks.

By the time he arrives at the training grounds, navigating purely on long-honed familiarity with army facilities, Jingyan’s already learnt to answer almost automatically to the many cheerful hails of “Young Marshal!” coming from the general outflow of people from the mess hall – many many more people than he’d been expecting, to be honest.

He doesn’t remember the actual numbers like Prince Qi probably does, but from personal experience Jingyan does know Da Liang’s border armies to be fairly impressive on the whole. Yet he’s never even heard of one this large, save perhaps Duke Mu’s army to the south.

It’s unmistakeably Liang’s colours they’re flying, though, alongside the same fiery emblem engraved on his bracelet, so Jingyan decides not to worry about it too much.

Either way it puts paid to his vague ideas of begging illness and staying firmly on the sidelines, though Jingyan finds to his pleasant surprise that this young marshal has trained some fairly competent lieutenants clearly capable of running the drills themselves.

It’s almost reminiscent of mornings in Jing Manor, honestly.

(And it could be worse, Jingyan thinks. “Young Marshal” is just a title, like “Your Highness” is, and after a whole life of answering to one it’s hardly a suffering to be addressed by the other – almost freeing, actually, even if he has to err on the side of caution by being much more taciturn than usual and hoping that the edge of exhaustion from sheer shock shows just enough to excuse him for it.

All said and done, though, Jingyan rather believes he’s done quite the good job of things.

Certainly better than whoever’s now in Jinling has probably managed, but as long as he hasn’t accidentally offended the Emperor or anything.

…Jingyan can only hope.)

–

ii.

This, as Jingyu-gege often says, is why Jingyan should never, ever jump to conclusions about things.

Admittedly this doesn’t backfire so much as it goes completely off the rails of his expectations, trundling like a particularly enthusiastic horse in the opposite direction.

Nothing terrible awaits when he wakes up back in his room the next morning, and a quick inquiry to Zhanying confirms that he definitely hadn’t entered the palace yesterday.

Jingyan breathes a deep if silent sigh of relief.

(A quick check of the outer walls turns up a scuff mark matching his shoe on the roof, so faint as to suggest that it’d only been left because someone obviously hadn’t entirely adjusted to his new height yet.

Fair enough, Jingyan thinks. He’d have done the same last night if he hadn’t been too tired from the sudden cold to sneak out and explore anywhere.

Maybe next time, he catches himself thinking, and pulls a face, because no, none of that.

That jinxes it right away, of course, as he promptly realises the morning after.

Jingyan stifles a shiver in the wintry sun, even colder now after a day in Jinling’s warmth, and thinks – really, Jingyu-gege would have a field day with this.)

.

Possibly the oddest thing about this, thinks Jingyan on the eighth day he wakes up at the border instead of Jinling, is that neither of them have ever thought to question, even once, whether this is really happening.

Or at least Jingyan hasn’t, and if Lin Shu’s wondered about it he hasn’t mentioned it either, at least not in the increasingly copious notes they’re leaving for each other.

They end up making a routine of things without much discussion about it, even though the setup in each of their rooms almost mirrors the other. Jingyan begins to stock more scrolls of paper and sticks of ink at his desk, keeps their correspondence in a hidden drawer within easy reach of his chair.

But Lin Shu apparently fears the cold as little as his relatively thin wardrobe would suggest, because his stationery inevitably is set up at the low table with only a cushion to sit on – admittedly quite a comfortable one, yes, but still unseasonably chilly for the stone floor.

Either way, what had started out as a simple way to update each other on the day’s events devolves into something else altogether, and Jingyan can even pinpoint the moment it happened: when Lin Shu had added also stop wearing my hair down you’re making me look like an idiot as an afterthought on the third entry, followed by oh and don’t eat hazelnuts squashed into too few inches of space.

Jingyan’s learnt enough of medicine from his mother not to take the second part lightly, but the first almost tempts him into putting a flower in Lin Shu’s hair just because.

But only almost.

Then you stop tying my hair all up like that first, he adds to his next summary, it’s giving me a headache.

The palace would give anyone a headache, he finds written almost musingly in the reply margin.

Jingyan rubs at his temple, and finds that he can’t even argue with that, really. So instead he pulls up a fresh sheet of paper and quickly outlines the basics of court etiquette, because the Emperor’s probably going to end up summoning Jingyan while he literally isn’t himself one of these days, if this is going to continue.

He has a feeling it will.

.

It takes Jingyan a whole month of alternating days to admit, not quite grudgingly, that he is rather impressed by the fact that Lin Shu is already the young marshal of such a large army at this age.

In his defense, he’d rather naturally assumed the worst when he first found out that Lin Shu was the son of the commander himself, but that was before seeing the genuine respect rather than mere tolerance he got from every last man in the army, even those thrice either his or Lin Shu’s age.

(It’s the Chiyan Army, Lin Shu writes back, the very turn of each stroke arrow-sharp with irritation. Chiyan! Army! Will you get it right, it’s not just any army!

And I’m literally a prince, Jingyan snipes back in his most practiced handwriting. Also, if you’re insulting my men…

Hardly. Zhanying deserves a pay raise and a better boss, Lin Shu answers, then adds, pointedly, Your Highness.

Probably just so he could use up the last bit of paper.

Jingyan scowls at that last scrawl before pulling out yet another fresh sheet and dipping his brush in ink.

As if he’s going to let anyone have the last word over him quite so easily.)

–

iii.

“I didn’t know you liked archery, Prince Jing-gege,” says Nihuang one afternoon when they’re resting in his manor’s study after an impressive practice bout. The young duchess Mu had gotten quite formidable enough to attract the rapt attention of the entire training field – or she would have, if Zhanying hadn’t promptly barked at all of them to get back to their drills right then.

(It’d almost tempted Jingyan into asking, really, whether Zhanying had noticed anything different about his fighting style on the days when it’d been Lin Shu instead.

Not that Zhanying necessarily knew anything, per se – but from the subtly helpful way in which his general had volunteered information that Lin Shu’s writings occasionally failed to convey, between the carelessly precise updates and snarky comments in the margins… Jingyan rather thought he did suspect something, at least.

Wei Zheng was the same, up north at the border, which was just as well.

Lin Shu doesn’t know how good he has it, really, that the Jing army has closer to seven hundred men than seventy thousand – all of whom apparently assume that their young marshal will recognise them. Which says something fairly impressive about Lin Shu, of course, but still. How fortunate for him.)

Both their fathers have been closed up in Yangju Hall all day long – all the palace servants had been dismissed, and he’d heard that even Xia Jiang and Xie Yu had been summoned in.

Whatever it is they’re discussing must be important indeed, he knows. It’s hardly unusual, for both the Marquis of Ning and the Xuanjing Bureau’s head officer to meet the Emperor, but Jingyan doesn’t think he’s ever seen the Duke of Yunnan even half as stern as when he’d arrived this time, both his children firmly in tow.

Mu Qing had been unabashedly cheerful as always, and easy enough to handle – Aunt Liyang had been more than happy to help. It wasn’t like two more kids running around the house would trouble her much further, anyway, what with Yan Yujin already practically living there half the time.

But Nihuang had declined her offer politely before asking to see the Jing manor’s grounds, which is how she’d ended up here, hands clasped behind her back as she considers the red bow in pride of place on his weapons rack.

At least the sparring earlier had worn away most of the tension in her features, though Jingyan can still see the trace of it in the graceful stiffness of her posture, and wonders silently if she too feels the same thing he does, the slight wrongness in the air.

He shrugs anyway, trying for relaxed. “I got back into practicing it over the past couple months. It’s quite a bit more enjoyable now that I actually have enough strength to draw the string back fully.”

Which is completely true, even if he’d only had reason to discover it because Lin Shu’s weapon of choice is bow and arrow, as Jingyan had found to his utter surprise.

Nothing like muscle memory when the muscles weren’t even yours to begin with – though he supposes that it’s a fair trade, since Lin Shu’s also had to up his own proficiency with swords and spears to match Jingyan’s.

Neither does he mention that he’d only bought this bow on a whim because it reminded him of the one Lin Shu used. A resemblance that the young marshal had swiftly noticed, from the way he’d filled entire swathes of paper with gleeful gloating, only punctuated by a brief note on how he’d restrung it and adjusted the tension to match.

(Jingyan had kindly reminded Lin Shu about the fact that he’d gone and taken one whole day off to go diving for pearls that time the Jing army had been at Donghai, apparently having completely forgotten that he wouldn’t be able to bring the pearl back with him anyway.

The answering blankness had somehow conveyed a very mulish silence nevertheless.

Jingyan had rolled his eyes before writing if you really want it back I can always ask a courier to bring it over, it’ll just take time to reach the border.

And money, came the reply, or do you think I’ve no idea how much it costs to send something from Jinling? Nah, just keep it and go spend that money on food instead, you’re like a stick.

You’re just jealous because I’m taller, Jingyan does not answer, because he can be the better person here, so instead he writes Tried my mother’s hazelnut pastries yet?)

Nihuang gives him an inscrutably knowing look, even though Jingyan’s plenty sure he hasn’t shown any signs of his thoughts. “Maybe you should teach Qing-er then,” she muses as she comes back down to sit at the table. “The way he’d always playing around, I don’t know if he realised that he’s going to take over Father’s position someda– huh.”

Jingyan glances up from where he’s pouring out another glass of cold water, and finds her attention apparently caught by the documents he’d left out on the desk. “What is it?”

At his nod of permission Nihuang lifts a half-familiar paper from the stack, and there’s a brief moment of alarm when he spots Lin Shu’s handwriting, though it fades when he realises it’s not one of their written conversations.

Luckily Nihuang doesn’t notice either way, too intent on reading. “This naval strategy…” she finally says, “it’s just like the one we received some time ago, when Yunnan was under attack by river.”

Jingyan doesn’t need to feign his surprise. “Really?”

Nihuang nods, smiling faintly. “It saved all of our lives.”

“Oh,” Jingyan answers a little dumbly, his mind spinning. All of this is quite real, obviously, everything has convinced him of that, but for some reason it hadn’t struck him how Lin Shu too existed in this same world as him, more than just another body he sometimes woke up in. Rather slow of him, he thinks wryly, Lin Shu would have a laughing fit if he found out.

The specifics of this paper escape him now – it’d been part of some grand point Lin Shu had been trying to make, he thinks, as if they didn’t both know he was just cribbing the strategy from Nie Duo – but Jingyan doesn’t even need to look at the paper to see that familiar handwriting half his own. “Do you know who sent it?”

Nihuang shakes her head, her expression clouding over. “Father refused to tell me who’d sent it, forbade me from even mentioning it to Qing-er.”

And as if everything’s just been waiting for this last piece to fall into place, Jingyan feels the thing niggling at the edge of his consciousness, just out of realisation.

“Jingyan-gege…” Nihuang says, slow and terribly hesitant, “what do you know about the northern b–”

“Your Highness!” comes Qi Meng’s harried shout from outside, and Jingyan has never been more infuriated with any of his men in his life. “Duke Mu is here, he says the Duchess is to go with him immediately!”

Jingyan looks across the table to find his own frown reflected fiercely back at him.

Nihuang rises, looking suddenly older than she is, and says, quietly, “Be careful, Jingyan-gege. I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I,” Jingyan says honestly, and doesn’t press her for whatever it was she had been about to ask earlier. He stands to see her out. “You be careful, too.”

Nihuang nods firmly, then she turns and is gone.

(Spoke with Nihuang today, Jingyan writes before going to bed that night. I don’t think you’ve met her yet, she’s the daughter of the Duke of Yunnan.

You know, he finds written beneath it the next time he wakes up in his own room, it’s been a whole year and that’s the first I’ve heard you talk about any lady. And don’t say Xia Dong, she’s just terror manifest.

The raised eyebrow is clearly audible, even via text.

Jingyan snorts, grabbing the brush that sits ready and waiting, as always. Nonsense, he starts, then pauses for a moment before adding I think you’d like her.

He’s looking oddly forward to the reply, whatever it is: which one, and don’t say Xia Dong or even well certainly she’ll like me, all the girls do – though the last of that is nonsense, seeing as there aren’t really any more ladies hanging around the border pass than in Jing Manor.

But he never hears from Lin Shu again.)

–

iv.

Jingyan still finds himself in his room when he wakes up the next day.

And the next, and the next after that.

(On the eighteenth morning in a row he remains stubbornly stuck in Jinling’s oppressive warmth Jingyan punches the wall so hard it almost cracks cleanly in half – or maybe that’s just him.

Zhanying hurries up, voice tinged with ill-concealed worry. “Your Highness?” he says tentatively, except the words themselves feel like a shackle now.

Jingyan leans just slightly against the cool smoothness of the wood, and tells himself to breathe.

“Zhanying,” he says, finally, “what do you know about the northern border army?”

It’s the Chiyan Army, not just any old military! echoes Lin Shu’s voice in his head.

“…not much,” hedges Zhanying, and it clearly isn’t a lie but his eyes are also very wide.

The wrongness from before congeals into an ugly mess, settles decidedly in his heart. It’s the only thing he can be sure of not imagining.

Jingyan suddenly feels very tired indeed. “It’s nothing.”)

–

v.

And then he finds out in the worst way possible: far too late, and all at once.

.

.

.

would have been: jingyan finding out the truth about what’s been happening, which is fairly true to kimi no na wa canon except that it’s everything at meiling instead of a meteor extinction event. in jingyan’s present time he finds the lin manor in absolute disrepair, asks questions of his mother that make both of them sad, and eventually forces a bodyswap to save lin shu and the chiyan army by… using the pearl somehow? and how would he stop this single-handedly anyway? never quite managed to figure either part out. though on his side lin xie is shown to also have realised Something was going on with lin shu (like zhanying realised about jingyan) and even if he doesn’t buy the “hey i’m from the future” shtick, he at least would be willing to hear out someone with a good idea of what’s currently happening in the capital, which helps.

anyway there would’ve been one section where we finally get lin shu’s pov which is when he realises what This Bloody Idiot xiao jingyan is trying to do and curses up a blue streak. from there this could’ve had one of two endings:

a HE where jingyan succeeds, lin shu and the chiyan army survives, and they forget but eventually find each other again (after remembering when jingyan sees lin shu doing archery or vice versa).

or a BE where jingyan doesn’t succeed and we end up right back in the canon timeline, dammit guys. optional extra being that changsu remembers for some reason even though jingyan doesn’t… but sometimes, jingyan can’t help thinking that changsu reminds him of someone. a person he’d forgotten? angst ensues. the end.

[hualianisms]

MY DREAM IS ONLY YOU: a hualian playlist 

(for books 1, 3, 5) (books 2 & 4 here)

listen here  

track annotations under the cut:

BOOK 1

a thousand years - christina perri (hc pov)

Every breath/ Every hour has come to this/One step closer/I have died every day waiting for you [...] All along I believed, I would find you/Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years/I'll love you for a thousand more

servants and kings - radical face (xl pov)

And you were not like anyone I'd known/You spoke with impunity, had nothing to atone [...] It's hard to say just when I fell in love/There was no epiphany, no light from above/But you'd become my candle in the dark/And all through that Hell you were the shield across my heart

from eden - hozier 

Babe, there's something tragic about you / Something so magic about you / Don't you agree? / Babe, there's something lonesome about you / Something so wholesome about you / Get closer to me [...] Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago [...] I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

雨蝶 - e-jun lee (translation)   (hc pov)

I fly towards you/I'm not tired, no matter how far/Even if there has been pain and tears in this journey [...] I break the cocoon and become a butterfly/willing to fly side by side with you

time after time - iron & wine (hc pov)

If you're lost you can look and you will find me/Time after time/If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting/Time after time

on your own - nick lachey (hc pov)

But if the world should ever fall apart around you/And if you're lost and barely breathing/I will find you and carry you back home/I won't forsake the only love I've ever known

run to you - pentatonix 

(hc pov) I've been settling scores / I've been fighting so long / I'll run to you / I will break down the gates of heaven / A thousand angels stand waiting for me (xl pov) take my heart / And I'll lay down my weapons / Break my shackles to set me free

medicine - daughter (hc pov)

You could still be/What you want to/What you said you were/When I met you/You've got a warm heart/You've got a beautiful brain

BOOK 3

mystery of love - sufjan stevens (both)

Oh, to see without my eyes/The first time that you kissed me [...] Oh, oh woe-oh-woah is me/The first time that you touched me/Oh, will wonders ever cease?/Blessed be the mystery of love

pink in the night - mitski

(hc:) I've been blossoming alone over you / And I hear my heart breaking tonight I hear my heart breaking tonight / Do you hear it too? / It's like a summer shower / With every drop of rain singing / "I love you, I love you, I love you"     ((when HC turned his blood rain into flower petals for XL))

(xl:) I could stare at your back all day/And I know I've kissed you before, but/I didn't do it right / Can I try again, try again, try again

marry you - paul canning acoustic cover (”gege, wanna get married?”)

i was made for loving you - kina grannis cover (hc pov)

Don't let me go, we'll be alright/Touch my soul and hold it tight/I've been waiting all my life/I won't scar your young heart/Just take my hand [...] All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you

all of me - john legend (both)

Cause all of me/Loves all of you/Love your curves and all your edges/All your perfect imperfections

come into the water - mitski (hc pov)

Do you wanna be my baby?/Are you waiting to touch me?/You look so good, but I keep my hands /Til you come into the water/Maybe I'm the same as all those men/Writing songs of all they're dreaming/But would you tell me if you want me?/Cause I can't move until you show me/I didn't know I had a dream/I didn't know until I saw you

futile devices - sufjan stevens (xl pov)

And when I sleep on your couch/I feel very safe/And when you bring the blankets/I cover up my face/I do/Love you [...] And I would say I love you/But saying it out loud is hard/So I won't say it at all/And I won't stay very long/But you are life I needed all along

all this and heaven too - florence + the machine (xl pov)

And I would give all this and heaven too/I would give it all if only for a moment/That I could just understand/The meaning of the word you see/Cause I've been scrawling it forever/But it never makes sense to me at all [...] All this heaven never could describe/Such a feeling as I'm hearing,/words were never so useful/So I was screaming out a language/That I never knew existed before

worship - years & years (hc pov)

I worship, high praises/My longing drives me crazy for you/My kingdom for your graces

coming down - halsey (both)

I found god/I found him in a lover [...] I found the devil/I found him in a lover[...] I've got a lover, a love like religion/I'm such a fool for sacrifice

you are my joy - the reindeer section (xl pov)

You are my joy, you are my joy, you are my joy / If I could cradle you into my arms/I would cradle you tight in my arms always

medicine - the 1975 (xl pov)

you rid me of the blues/Ever since you came into my life/Because you're my medicine

you are gold - the national parks (xl pov/both)

You are gold/You are all i see/You are aurum scarce and meant for kings [...] And there's something I need to say/But I feel too afraid/'Cause when it's real there's a risk/A chance that I'm nervous to take/Oh my, oh my, I think that I have fallen

this is why i need you - jesse ruben (xl pov)

Cause you make the darkness less dark / You make the edges less sharp / You make the winter feel warmer [...] You are the who, love is the what and this is the why

i will - mitski (both)

I will take good care of you/Everything you feel is good/If you would only let you [...] So stay with me/Hold my hand/There's no need/To be brave/And all the quiet nights you bear/Seal them up with care/No one needs to know they're there/For I will hold them for you

heart - sleeping at last (both)

I'm short of breath/Standing next to you/I'm out of my depth/At this altitude [...] You are beautiful/Like I've never seen/Go ahead and laugh/Even if it hurts/Go ahead and pull the pin/What if we could risk/Everything we have/And just let our walls cave in

with you till the end by tommee profitt (hc pov)

I'll take this pain for you/I will pull you through/I'll be with you 'til the end/Through the fire and rain/I will be your strength [...] When your fears are not fading/And there's parts of you breaking/I'll hold the pieces all together with my hands

i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie (hc pov)

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied/Illuminate the “no”s on their vacancy signs/If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks/Then I'll follow you into the dark

chouchou musubi - aimer (translation)  ((red knot of fate))

In this blue, wide world, among the millions scattered around/The two of us separately picked a thread and pulled it to ourselves 

in a week - hozier    (“to die buried together, probably feels like this”)

We'll lay here for years or for hours Your hand in my hand, so still and discreet So long, we'd become the flowers We'd feed well the land and worry the sheep [...] I'd be home with you, I'd be home with you

geyser - mitski (hc pov)

You’re my number one/You’re the one I want/And I’ve turned down/Every hand that has beckoned me to come

oh my stars - andrew belle (xl pov)

If everything you've said to me has been true/Then all my stars are leading me to you [...] Everything you see is ours / Or it could be if you would try / I wish you would I wish you might

so it goes - marianas trench (xl pov)

So I would chose to be with you/As if the choice were mine to make/But you can make decisions too/And you can have this heart to break

don’t deserve you - plumb (hc pov)

You're the reason that I'm alive/You're what I can't live without [...] I don't deserve your love/But you give it to me anyway [...] Your heart is gold and how am I the one/That you've chosen to love/I still can't believe that you're right next to me

love like you - steven universe (both)

If I could begin to be/Half of what you think of me/I could do about anything/I could even learn how to love (Love like you) [...] I always thought I might be bad/Now I'm sure that it's true/Cause I think you're so good/And I'm nothing like you

BOOK 5 

turning page - sleeping at last (hc pov)

I've waited a hundred years/But I'd wait a million more for you/Nothing prepared me for/What the privilege of being yours would do/If I had only felt the warmth within your touch/If I had only seen how you smile when you blush/Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough/Well I would have known/What I was living for all along

all i’ve ever known - hadestown (xl pov)

I was alone so long/I didn't even know that I was lonely [...] All I've ever known is how to hold my own/But now I wanna hold you, too/You take me in your arms/And suddenly there's sunlight all around me

atlas: two - sleeping at last (hc pov)

Tell me, is something wrong?/If something's wrong you can count on me/You know I'll take my heart clean apart/If it helps yours beat [...] I just want to build you up, build you up/'Til you're good as new/And maybe one day, I'll get around/To fixing myself, too

better love - glades (xl pov)

Nobody's ever pulled me close like this before/So honest that it scares me/You make it seem alright to be this vulnerable [...] It's safe to say I couldn't know a better/couldn't know better love

the light - sara bareilles (xl pov)

And if you say we'll be alright/I'm gonna trust you, babe/I'm gonna look in your eyes/And if you say we'll be alright/I'll follow you into the light

cecilia and the satellite - andrew mcmahon in the wilderness (hc pov)

For all the things my eyes have seen, the best by far is you / For all the places I have been, I'm no place without you / For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you

光年之外 - G.E.M. (translation)  (xl pov)

For you, I’ve already gone insane to the point of/(feeling like) my pulse and heartbeat are totally unimportant without you/A pair of arms encircling my chest/are sufficient for resisting the rotation of the Earth

you’re not alone - meredith andrews (hc pov or both)

You're not alone for I am here/Let me wipe away your every fear/My love, I've never left your side/I have seen you through the darkest night/And I'm the one who's loved you all your life

past lives - BØRNS (both)

Past lives couldn't ever hold me down/Lost love is sweeter when it's finally found/I've got the strangest feelin'/This isn't our first time around [...] Through all of my lives/I'd never thought I'd wait so long for you

the best of you - andy grammar (both)

You've seen my dark side and danced with my shadow [...] you know me, know me/Wrestled with the old me/Saved me at my lowest, all you had to do was hold me/Console me, no matter how far I fall/Cause the best of me loves the best of you

anything for you - ludo (hc pov)

I'd give up anything/Anything for you/I'd give it all/All of this is true/But the best story that I could ever tell/Is the one where I am growing old with you/All I've ever wanted see, was to tell you honestly/I'd do absolutely anything for you

anyone else - pvris (xl pov or both)

'Cause I could touch a hundred thousand souls/But none of them would ever feel like home/And no matter how far and wide I roam/You're the only one I'll ever know/I don't belong to anyone else

francis forever - mitski         (the year xl spent waiting for hc to come back)

On sunny days I go out walking/I end up on a tree-lined street/I look up at the gaps of sunlight/I miss you more than anything

wish that you were here - florence + the machine (xl pov)

You're always on my mind/And I never minded being on my own/Then something broke in me and I wanted to go home/To be where you are

i will wait - mumford & sons (xl pov)

I will wait, I will wait for you

find my way back - eric arjes (hc pov)

No distance could ever tear us apart/There's nothing that I wouldn't do/I'll find my way back to you

work song - hozier    (hc pov)

When my time comes around/Lay me gently in the cold dark earth/No grave can hold my body down/I'll crawl home to him

gravity - coldplay      (reunion)

Baby it's been a long time coming/Such a long, long time [...] And then I looked up at the sun and I could see/Oh, the way that gravity pulls on you and me

POSTCANON

god in jeans - ryan beatty (hc pov)

God is real, he was sleeping in my bed last night/We were naked with the radio on/Played him my favourite song/My love is my religion

watch you sleep. - girl in red (hc pov)

I don't ever wanna leave/I'll watch you sleep/And listen to you breathe [...] I never get /Bored of looking at you/’Cause every time I see somethin' new

little death - the beths (xl pov)    ((the demon king’s birthday extra))

When you're near/My heart starts beating faster [...] My lungs they catch on every breath/My heart beats harder at the cage inside my chest/And I die, I die a little death

the idea of growing old - the features (both)

We can talk all night/We can talk all day/We can play charades when there is nothing to say/You turn me on to the the idea of growing old

what a heavenly way to die - troye sivan (both)

What a heavenly way to die/What a time to be alive/Because forever is in your eyes/But forever ain't half the time/I wanna spend with you, you/I wanna be with you, you

1000 years - kt tunstall (both)

In a thousand years/I know that our love will still be here/So close your eyes, my dear/Knowing that our love is going to last one thousand years

the end of all things - panic!at the disco (both)

Whether near or far/I am always yours/Any change in time/We are young again/Lay us down/We're in love/In these coming years/Many things will change/But the way I feel/Will remain the same

[anyrchyangel]

MDZS fanfic sensitivity beta

Hi~ I’m Ana

I’m,,,very bad at Tumblr >.< but I am writing a fic in the mdzs fandom and would really love a sensitivity beta to look over some of my canon references and use of Chinese terms. I’m very new to the wuxia/Xianxia genre and I don’t want to accidentally say or use a term that offends or misrepresents the genre.

Beta-ing is hard work and I’d never expect anyone to sign up to beta without having first peeked at what they’d be working on, so I’ve placed the first chapter of my fic down below.

Some disclaimers/primers: this fic is a crossover between Kimi no na wa/Your Name and mdzs--you don't have to have seen Your Name to follow along, but it wouldn’t hurt to know the plot I am ripping off >.< It includes body swapping and a major character death (if we count wwx dying and coming back to life as mo xuanyu as actually dying...) and for some reason, I have made everyone witches...yeah. Sorry >.< WangXian is the main (and kind of only) ship! Rated T solely because I am incapable of not cussing. I don't plan on writing any smut or explicit scenes for this series <,< (...for now.)

Anyways, here's chapter one of the series. Please let me know if you’d be interested in beta-ing for me! I really want to polish this fic before posting it on ao3 or anything >.<

he who swallowed a falling star

chapter one [everything must have a beginning]

Mornings have never once been Wei Wuxian’s friend. He hates mornings—he hates the sharp light of dawn and the cacophony of noise that comes with the world waking. He much prefers the night, the quiet and stillness, the ambience and mystery. There’s no mystery in the mornings—there’s only groggy musings as one cracks open their eyes to the stinging light of day and wipes away crust from their lashes. His body always violently protests to waking—sleep is so precious! It’s calming and good and nice and to be forced awake is among the greatest tragedies of mankind.

Except…except this morning he doesn’t feel like groaning and burying his head into his pillow. This time, his body actually feels sort of…good? That can’t be right. No one feels good in the mornings; the only ones who do are sociopaths and masochists.

And yet as he stretches awake with a yawn, his limbs feel light and his mind feels rested. So much so that his surroundings are immediately clear.

He has absolutely no idea where in the world he is.

He’s in a bed, at least that much is clear—a very soft bed with sheets that smell like sandalwood and covers with textured silk. Exquisite fabric, he’d never so much as been allowed to touch something so expensive before—he has a knack for putting stains where formerly there were none, so all of his own clothes and sheets are of durable fabrics. Stains add character! There’s a story behind every stain…not always an exhilarating story but a tale, nonetheless.

The room in which the bed he is resting on is absurdly clean. So clean as to seem clinical, or maybe decorative, as if he’d stumbled into a dollhouse meant for display purposes only. It’s lovely, a pretty screen separating the bed from the sitting area, decorated with an elegant painting of mountains bathed in mist. The furniture is expensive and luxurious and just looking at how nicely it’s all been cared for makes Wei Wuxian break out into hives. What even is the point of owning furniture if you’re not going to use it?

He taps his chin and tries to remember the night before. Just how much liquor had he drunk to find himself warming someone else’s bed? Had he even been drinking last night? Shit…maybe he should take shijie’s advice and cut back a bit. His eyes wander to the finger tapping away and he pauses because…well that really doesn’t look like his finger. Or his hand. Or his arm.

He scrambles to the nearest reflective surface—a basin of water in a porcelain bowl that’s probably more expensive than everything he owns combined. The face that looks back at him is…breathtakingly beautiful. Skin the color of white jade, softer than the inner petals of a peony, silky midnight hair draped down broad shoulders to rest at the small of his back, and bright golden eyes somewhere between the shade of the sun as it reflects on ice and wheat dancing in a breeze upon a gilded field.

It’s so beautiful that it narrows down the theories currently running through his head down to two: A) he has died and (mistakenly) ascended to heaven to live the rest of eternity as the most beautiful angel to have ever existed, or B) he’s dreaming. B) seems more likely, especially since the likelihood of Wei Wuxian going to heaven is probably somewhere in the negatives. Plus, witches don’t go to heaven…or technically even believe in heaven. Not to say that there isn’t an afterlife but—he’s rambling. His mind is whirring with so many thoughts that even he can’t keep up with them all.

“Huh.” Oh this man’s voice is so deep and rich that Wei Wuxian’s spine tingles at the sound. “Shit, even his voice is beautiful.”

He hums a few nonsensical notes just to listen to the different octaves; a deep voice, but a melodic one. He wonders if this person is a singer—he certainly has a lovely voice for singing. His eyes wander around the room, searching for…well he’s not really sure. His own body, perhaps? Proof that this is a dream? Or maybe signs of spellwork gone incredibly wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time one of his experimental enchantments went awry.

He starts rummaging through drawers and opening doors, hoping to learn more about the person whose body he now possesses. The handsome stranger is astoundingly boring. Not a speck of dust anywhere or a book out of place—even the poetry on this person’s shelf is…bland, at best. He tosses open the closet, hoping for literal or figurative skeletons. Someone this perfect can’t possibly exist in real life. Maybe instead of a dream this is a hallucination—Wei Wuxian has trouble believing that his active mind would conjure someone so dull but, well even he has off days. Or nights, he supposes. Is it night where he’s dreaming? Doubtful, given his sleep schedule but—he’s rambling again.

Within the closet hangs a full-length mirror, and he pauses in his rummaging to admire the body of the most boring person he’s…well they haven’t technically met, have they?

He’s even more beautiful in the crystal-clear reflection, tall and toned with arms that should be illegal. Wei Wuxian grins and quickly strips off his outer robes (so white that they remind him of mourning robes. He gets distracted when he imagines the scene he must have made whilst asleep—so ethereal and white and pure); the image that greets him is ridiculous. Abs that could cut steel on skin the color of flawless white porcelain, not a blemish in sight. His fingers dance across the muscle, laughter bubbling out of him. Oh what a sound—this gege really is perfection given flesh, isn’t he?

He smiles at his reflection and conjures as many funny faces as he can come up with. Well if he’s stuck in an angel’s body, he might as well have some fun, shouldn’t he?

.

.

.

Wei Wuxian bounds across the halls, chased by the knowledge that he is most definitely late for breakfast. Dawn has already segued into late morning, and if he wants any sort of meal before lessons, he will have to sprout wings and fly across the residence—an idea he’d actually toyed with before, but enchantments that alter the flesh are too finicky and he quite likes keeping all his fingers and toes.

He mentally prepares himself to face the routine “How could you have slept in so late!?” from Jiang Cheng and the “A-Xian, are you not sleeping well?” from Yanli and the knowing smile from Jiang Fengmian, matched only by the scathing glare from Madam Yu that has accompanied every breakfast he can remember having at Lotus Pier. To which he will smirk and tease Jiang Cheng, complain and pout to Yanli, return Jiang Fengmian’s smile and cautiously avoid Madam Yu’s gaze.

Wei Wuxian loves his morning routine, even if it doesn’t technically count as having happened in the morning.

“How do you always manage to sleep in so late!?”

Ah, Jiang Cheng is so predictable—Wei Wuxian loves that about him.

“I was having the best dream!” He responds as he flops onto his mat at the table, shoveling food into mouth as fast as he can pour extra chili sauce onto everything.

“Oh? What about?” Jiang Fengmian’s smile is no less endearing for being as predictable as Jiang Cheng’s anger—perhaps even more so because of it.

“Hmmm,” he pauses in stuffing his face to try and remember his dreams, but the haze of sleep has yet to lift, “huh—I can’t actually remember?”

“How do you know it was a good dream if you can’t even remember it?” Jiang Cheng’s sneering makes him smile, bits of rice on display for his favorite (and only) brother.

“I don’t have to remember every detail to know that it was a good dream!”

It’s true—although he can’t remember anything of what he’d dreamt, the feeling of joy lingers, even as the fog of sleep lifts under the light of day.

“Here, A-Xian, have some lotus seeds. I saved some for you.”

He gulps down some tea to clear the sticky rice from his teeth and perches at Yanli’s elbow with his lips parted, her eyes crinkling into adorable crescents as she pops a lotus seed into his mouth.

“A-Li.” Even on the best of days, Madam Yu’s tone could strip paint from the walls, varnish from the wood within the halls; it was like listening to the crack of a whip, or the rumbling of thunder. Yanli wilts under her strict gaze, eyes dropping to the hands she folds in her lap.

“I am glad to see you back to yourself, A-Ying.” (I’m not sure this is a good way for jfm to address wwx—in the original text he never actually says wwx’s name, but he does call jc A-Cheng; I want to show here that jfm favors wwx) Jiang Fengmian’s tone is the opposite of Madam Yu’s; soft where hers is harsh, calm where hers is agitated. The difference between them is jarring—like the crack of lightning meeting the quiet currents of a flowing river.

“Yes, how very fortunate we are to see you returning to your ways.” Another crack of lightning, this one closer to the babbling brook that is Uncle Jiang, the waters left disrupted and discordant.

“Wait, what?” Wei Wuxian has never feared the thunder, nor the storm.

“You went psycho yesterday and woke at dawn. You even cooked breakfast, but it was bland as shit. It was honestly the most disgusting thing I’ve ever eaten.”

Where Yanli wilts under Madam Yu’s glares, Jiang Cheng grows more uncertain, and uncertainty breeds anger within him. Except this anger is often a guise, smoke to the fire that is his worry. Wei Wuxian smiles at him, basking in the concern the same way a flower dances in the breeze.

“Aw, don’t sound too concerned Jiang Cheng.”

The way he snorts and rolls his eyes makes it easier for Wei Wuxian to gloss over the fact that he can’t really remember the day before. An odd gap in his memory, but he shrugs it off and sneaks more lotus seeds from Yanli, who hides a smile behind her hand as she passes him the morning paper.

“Did you see? The comet will be visible on the day of the banquet. Maybe we’ll see a falling star or two.”

“Hmm? Would shijie like falling stars? Maybe I’ll catch one and bottle it up, just for you.”

Her laughter is honey, her smile sunshine; perhaps he should bottle that instead, for use on rainy days or cold winters when the lotuses close their petals.

“A-Cheng, you have lessons to attend to. You do not have the luxury of falling behind.”

“Yes, mother.” The only time Jiang Cheng ever sounds subdued is in deference to Madam Yu, and the sound grates against Wei Wuxian’s ears.

“A-Xian, you should head off to lessons too. You don’t want to be late.” Yanli sneaks the last of the lotus seeds into his hand; he’s convinced she’s on a mission to fatten him up, to which he has zero complaints. If he could gorge on shijie’s lotus seeds for eternity, he would.

“Oh? From what I hear, Wei Wuxian’s time is better spent hunting pheasants and flying kites with the younger witchlings.”

What a nasty storm to deal with so early in the day. He doesn’t fear thunder, but nor does he seek rain.

“The kites were actually an enchantment I was testing out. I finally fixed the talisman to facilitate one’s qinggong[1] to the point of weightlessness. Those kites were—”

“You did what!?”

“There’s no need to shout, Jiang Cheng. The actual enchantment is pretty simple if you cast on the right night. I have a theory that the casting is a lot easier during a full moon, but I managed just fine when it was waning—”

“You—Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng’s cheeks puff with indignation, his face as red as the chili sauce Wei Wuxian slathers on every meal.

“Yes, I’m here!” He answers with laughter, snickering and dodging as Jiang Cheng lunges for him, waving at Yanli as he darts out the room. He’d skip class if he didn’t want to write down another idea for an enchantment in his grimoire, of which he’s about forty percent sure is in his desk…or buried under his other inventions somewhere in his room. Or maybe he left it in the atrium when he was searching for a specific constellation?

Jiang Cheng chases him from the residence, out through the courtyards and down into the docks of Lotus Pier. He smiles and waves at the merchants, eyeing all the pastries and water chestnuts, winking at runny-nosed children from the nearby households. His heart feels both heavy and light—too full to dream of moving and yet so buoyant he might drift along with the next passing breeze.

The giant lake gleams under the light, lotuses dancing and swaying in the wind, the sound of home bustling around him. Wild magic whispers through the air, flows through the undercurrents of the lake, along the waterways for miles and miles until it reaches the ocean. An idea pops into his head to attempt to track the energy, map out the ley lines, but he catches the shadow of a pheasant nearby and pushes the thought down his list of priorities.

He smiles and dodges Jiang Cheng’s attempts to toss him into the lake, grappling each other into headlocks as they make their way towards the lecture halls. He sighs at the idea of another long, boring monologue in spellcraft theory, but the idea of enchanting a few papermen to dance behind the Adeptus keep his steps light. The witchlings always love a good show—perhaps he’ll put on his own little play for them. With the right paper, he might be able to craft a jade rabbit and play the story of Chang’e and Hou Yi. Maybe he could make them sing? A whistle from a witch is a powerful thing. Or he could tell the story of Ragnarok, the Twilight of the Gods—his head buzzes with ideas, excitement filling his veins at the prospect of researching more of the lost stories of old gods and immortals.

Endnotes:

[1] Qinggong (in most cultivation/wuxia novels) is the art of manipulating qi to walk on water or move across surfaces; it’s also a real technique in Chinese martial arts. Read about it here

If you got this far, thanks for reading! Even if you're not interested in beta-ing, I’d still love to hear feedback! I don’t normally post such long pieces on Tumblr, but I wasn't sure what else to do >.< I hope you liked it!