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sainamoonshine · 8 months ago

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Okay so I saw that @foxy-alien made art of a TLT house swap AU and it started me thinking about how I’d do a similar AU… I did that instead of sleeping last night btw.

So here’s what I have so far:

Ninth House: Ianthe, Corona and Babs. Once upon a time a woman and a baby fell on their planet. When they saw the woman’s red hair they thought “ugh what Third House bullshit is this” and while they kept the corpse, they sent the baby back. We don’t want this keep your trash. They have their own drama to deal with anyway; the tomb needs its keeper to be a necromancer. Corona, while officially the heir and Reverent Daughter, is not one. Ianthe and her started hiding her lack of talent before their parents explained the whole “unbroken chain of the tomb keeper’s necromantic bloodline” thing. So long as Ianthe is around, the twins expect that everything is still fine. Still, their house hovers on the edge of breaking a promise of ten thousand years once their parents die and Corona inherits the duties of the tomb… unless they find a way to make Corona a necromancer, either by turning her into a lyctor, by making Ianthe a lyctor and then Ianthe makes her necromantic (?), or they just straight up ask Jod for a boon.

Eight House: Abigail and Magnus. Everyone is surprised when they meet them, as they do not meet the traditional pattern of their house; especially when you know the fact that Abigail’s cavalier was supposed to be a cousin but was replaced by Magnus when he married Abigail — their blood type was, luckily (or unluckily?) compatible. Like, who the fuck would want to be an Eight House cavalier??? (Magnus would. He think going into the river is exciting. He also trusts his wife.) It’s usually only when Abigail starts actually doing necromancy that people remember she’s scary AF. Through her interest in ghosts, she has developed her own custom safeguards against Magnus getting possessed when she siphons him… or if he does get possessed, she is a quick and extremely brutal exorcist.

Seventh House: Palamedes and Camilla. Pal decided on his medicine focus due to his house’s propensity for weird necromantic cancer. He firmly believes that if he can just find a way to either stabilize or treat it, the inhabitants of the seventh house will live more comfortable lives. He is considered something of an heretic due to this, but house leadership is willing to ‘let him cook’ -> they’ll wait to see if a necromancer with a stable cancer is still powerful before they decide whether to censure his research or not.

Sixth House: Jeannemary and Isaac. They’re still young, but very good at getting into places they’re not supposed to be, particularly by breaking wards and then rebuilding them better. Both of them keep trying to apply into the cohort but the scholars of the Sixth see Isaac’s skills with wards and want him to pursue academia instead. When the summons to Canaan House came the council all looked at each other, remembered they still had to appoint a new master warden after the last one passed, figured that nobody wanted to abandon their current study/experiments to go participate to what would be sure to be a tedious dick measuring contest with the other house heirs, and decided to invoke an obscure emergency clause in a law book somewhere in order to appoint Isaac to the title. He and Jeannemary really were the only ones who actually wanted to go to Canaan.

Fifth House: Dulcinea and Protesilaus. It is a shame that her health is so poor, because she would otherwise have become a hell of an ruler. While she has an ease with history and academia, her true skill is diplomacy. Dulcinea can get a very accurate read on most people, and she knows how to use their own psychology against them to make them agree to her ideas. She looks nice and fragile, but she is cunning. Meanwhile, Protesilaus is surprisingly good at paperwork for a guy who looks like he eats skulls for breakfast.

Fourth House: Judith and Martha. This AU version of them is less cocksure, but just as proficient at gathering information, profiling people, and writing down ample notes. Their rank in the cohort is lower than in canon, and they often get assigned to the tasks nobody else wants. Such as: overseeing security on ships bringing prisoners to the Ninth House prison installation… and this is how Judith and Corona met.

Third House: Harrow and Gideon. Once upon a time, the Ninth House sent them an orphan they claimed was theirs. The King and Queen didn’t pay the mystery much mind and stuck the baby in an orphanage. They had their own troubles to deal with: the royal family had not been able to produce a necromantic heir yet, and the vassal families were closing in. They figured that they couldn’t let a lesser branch of the family inherit the Third; it had never been done, would discredit them in the eyes of the other Houses, and would cause political instability. So in order to ensure the necromantic potential of their latest vat baby experiment, the King and Queen sacrificed the children in one of the lesser orphanages. They claimed that an hull breach in the space station caused the poisonous air of the planet’s upper atmosphere to get inside the ventilation system… except there was one survivor. The King and Queen were weirded out by that seemingly unkillable toddler but public opinion was heavily positive towards the ‘miracle survivor’. Not to mention having at least one person survive the incident helps make the ‘it was an accident’ excuse sound more credible. So the King and Queen brought the child to the palace and decided to do some PR by giving her a place to live and an education, and eventually made her the Cavalier of their (powerful) new daughter.

Second House: Silas and Column. Duty-bound, fanatic, no fun allowed Silas is a bit young for military service, but that doesn’t stop him from climbing the ranks. Column is still used as a battery, even in this AU, except his role is to start killing people to produce the initial necromantic boom to give Silas something to work with when they deploy to new battlefields. He hates doing this btw.

#the locked tomb #the locked tomb AU #house swap AU #gideon the ninth #harrowhark nonagesimus #gideon nav #the locked tomb fanfic

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pspkisser · 1 year ago

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⚙️ This laptop was saved from obsolescence! [10 mins of read]

Hello!! i am making this post here to raise awareness for PC and laptop upgrades, and how it should motivate you to do that same thing to preserve yours for longer or to give it the power you need! this will feature my history with mine, as well as the steps i took to be able to make him breathe life better! this is the story of his journey, and how it went to this current day.

his name is samuel, he is an asus fx570u and i bought him back in september of 2018 after i turned 13! he was brand new during that time and priced at 800 euros, offering only 6 gb of memory and an HDD as his specs. however he does have an 8th gen core i5 as his cpu and a geforce 1050 ti for his gpu. for something marketed as a gaming pc, it's pretty low and it wouldn't allow him to run fast enough, especially for highly demanding software and causing some compatibility issues. it wasn't severe, but as i was stuck with an hdd, that meant operating systems would run pretty slow on it, also leading to long software loading times. this is made worse by the fact that its bundled system, windows 10, isn't designed to work efficiently on hdd in the first place, but at least that means i have my hands on a windows key to be able to use some windows exclusive programs..

i mainly used him to be able to use advanced video editing software and customize the games i have on it for my own taste, because back then i loved making youtube videos and it was a passion i've had for years until i've partially retired from it. i rarely bought games on it and instead opted for free-to-plays, and overall had a good time with him.

unfortunately within only 3 months, his HDD broke down and i sent him to technicians for them to replace it with another one. it was a minor accident i've had but it formatted all my data, even though it didn't matter much since i uploaded most of it to the internet. i just had to be gentle with him by trying to not moving him around too much to stop that issue from persisting... but it was still low-end in terms of system performance. i finally used him for 1 year straight before moving on to a tower pc, feeling tired about his slowness and believing i couldn't do much about it.

i used that other (unnamed) pc for almost a year, starting from 2020! they seemed to work better since it had windows 7, but embarrassingly enough that version itself stopped receiving official security updates months before i started using it, even though i was careful while accessing the internet with it. its performances were also low, but didn't really matter much since i didn't take so much advantage from the power of samuel. suddenly, i had the foolish idea of installing windows 8.1 on the latter to try to deal with the performance issues on 10, but it led to even more compatibility issues since the drivers i used were meant to be for 10 only. only by early 2021, i got win10 back on him and started using him again to get more power again.

so the low-end performance persisted for very long. back then i never knew how to upgrade pcs, so i was only used to replacing devices with others which wasn't cost-efficient. after realizing i used windows for well over 10 years, i had the idea of switching to a mac and as a result, for xmas 2021 i got myself a cute yellow silicon imac, who goes by the name of sarah! but switching to macos posed new serious challenges, such as getting used to the lack of windows compatibility and the missing features that i was used to for a long time. most of the creativity i did with her was drawings with firealpaca and krita, and cgi with blender, which wasn't really much. still, she is pretty glossy and also powerful for many of the tasks i'm performing with her. originally i also intended to sell samuel, but that never happened (i low regret that decision so much i swear).

in late 2022, samuel's performance apparently had had a big hit... he now takes approximately 20 seconds to open any program and it seemed to me like something was wrong with him. at that time i also gained interest in linux since it's a libre OS capable of much more flexibility, essentially allowing it to revive old PCs. i finally decided to get linux mint to work on him via a dual boot with win11 (what was i thinking when i "upgraded" him from 10?). the performance seemed a little better from then, but programs still took very long to open. for that reason, he had often been collecting dust as he finally became unusable.

finally we've reached 2023. this is the year i decided to take on tearing down devices to learn how to examine problems inside of them. after checking samuel's performance again, i noticed that his HDD was having extremely low writing and reading speeds compared to my tower, which made me feel disappointed. but that's when i finally decided i could be able to replace his hard disk with an ssd, a new generation which is more durable, faster, quieter and energy-efficient...

but i still had a good wait until it was possible. suddenly with my money, i found an ssd which only costed €30, and it made me happy that this would be a quick way of healing up samuel! so i rushed to get it, and finally opened him to prepare everything... unfortunately, his keyboard has to be lifted up in the process, and there are flex cables connected between it and the motherboard. but taking out the hard disk thankfully only requires a few steps; removing some screws, then inserting the SSD inside of it. after that i quickly put linux mint back into him. SO SPLENDID...

for only the price of a high budget indie game, now he can open programs very fast, close to how fast sarah can do, and just about any task works perfectly well on him with way less bugs! thanks to that fast upgrade he's become viable for daily drives again, even though i don't have other desks suitable for pcs which makes me less motivated to use him. really wish id be able to since the architecture he has (x64) means he has a lot more software he's able to handle natively...

but then, i hadn't upgraded his ram. i said before that he only had 6 gb of it, and that meant he could only work with a few programs before becoming bloated. and as i like doing power tasks on him, that obviously causes problems. so one day, i went to a pc part store out of curiosity, and became shocked when i found small ram carts that could be compatible with my laptop. after some talk with the seller, i bought 2 ddr4 carts each containing 8 gb and clocked at 2666 mhz, more than double of what i used to have. after that it was time to take on a challenge to be able to insert them myself.

when the seller asked me if i needed assistance to have the carts inserted into my laptop, i giggled internally because of my past stories with learning how to open devices and trying to troubleshoot or modify them internally. i obviously declined it which saved me money, but also meant i had to do it all myself. after an hour of painful manipulations which required me to take out the entire motherboard from samuel, while that next step was also difficult i was finally able to insert the carts into it, before placing all his components back into place. and after such a long time of waiting...

i've finally done it!

Samuel is feeling very well right now!! despite his cpu and gpu dating from over 5 years, now he can do even more tasks at a time, while also being able to read them faster, a massive improvement compared to when it was stuck with an hdd and only 6 gb of ram. i'm guessing those low specs were for the purpose of saving manufacturing costs, but until you'd find use for the components that you'd remove, they'd end up becoming waste. and with a free os like linux mint, it adds up to an even more optimized experience than windows 10, which comes with so many unwanted stuff and can't be customized very well.

have you had a similar story to mine? did that pose you challenges? i took over 40 minutes to write this entire piece of text, but it should at least be very well detailed! on the best case scenario i hope it would inspire others to do some research on upgrading PCs to preserve their lives and especially save costs. Thank you for reading the entirety of it, don't hesitate reblogging it if you think it would interest your own audience! peace for all of you 💙

#pc #laptop #computer #computers #pc upgrade #objectum #gaming pc #linux #linux mint

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ghawst37 · 5 months ago

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An explanation to camuroland the shipname: "犬炎"

Although I do supposed that at this point everyone just used to "camuroland" as their official ship name. But as part of the eastern side of the shipdom, mashing their names together should be taken it with some extra steps, for the sake of self-indulgance haha.

So I propose a side one that is "犬炎"

I included it in the template that I posted as sort of a teaser. But I feel like it deserves a bit of an explanation, as a bit of an apreciation for kuso en translation(?) team, just on some parts. (spoilers, Camu's deserve to be praised, Roland however, was a miss. Kuso, how you have fell off.)

Camu: Crocotta in chinese/original is 卡穆 · 狂犬 And Roland: Flambeau is 罗兰 · 戏炎 What's super interesting to me is that their frame's name does not change in the japanese version (Camu is カム · 狂犬, Roland is ロラン · 戏炎) "But, you don't know chinese, how are you gonna make any of this work," well I'm Vietnamese, and I can use transliteration to aid me. And trust me it helped me understand these two on a much deeper level. In that vietnamese guy we trust, always :D

Their names are simple, "卡穆" and "罗兰" are simply "Camu" and "Roland" in chinese dialect. The fun part is in their frames' name.

Camu goes first. And I would like to say that the direct translation for his frame's name is so insulting because why are they calling our boy a "rabid dog"?? Although that's the thing, it's really what "狂犬" means. "狂犬" in romaji is "kuángquǎn", and in Vietnamese transliteration is "cuồng khuyển." And to my other vietnamese people, I agree this sounds a lot better than calling him "chó dại" haha. "Cuồng" is basically to describe something wild and uncontrollable, you can use it to describe a natural disaster as well as a person, in some cases. Pretty much means "crazy," but unlike "rabid" that's mostly only used on an animal. "Khuyển" is pretty much an untamed dog. This is when I have to brought this up because I had issues with this too, specifically the differences between "cẩu" and "khuyển," as both of these words are to refer to a dog. A "cẩu" is a domesticated dog, a house pet. Obedient and behave nicely to its master. And a "khuyển" is a masterless dog, barks and bite and misbehave and uh yeah.... has rabies (this came clear to me from a lil comedic story that I came across explaning exactly just that haha.) At the same time, it's used in a very insulting manner, to refer to a lowly, pathetic dog. Now I think I understood whoever made Camu's frame see of him. SMH But to my knowledge, "masterless dog" can also be used to refer to wild dogs, namely hyenas. Which is absolutely interesting, because it's believed that hyenas were the animal that inspired the legend of the creature "Crocotta." I think the english translation team deserves some credit for this one 0)-(

Roland on the other hand, is surfacely the less intersting when first roughly translated during his debut in the cn server.

"戏炎" in romaji is "xìyán", and that is "hí diễm" or "hí viêm" (either way has a nice ring to the ears.) During Roland's debut his frame's name was translated to "theatrical flame", which is so much better than what the direct translation gave me (because "play inflamation" sounds like... absolutely nothing.) This is worth pointing out at least imho, using "戏", in romaji and transliteration is "hí", translated to theaters is pretty shallow in terms of meaning. To put it simply, it's not just any general theater, it belongs to the combination "戏曲", "xìqǔ" or chinese traditional opera, Peking opera is what it's more widely known currently. Now I'm not here to give a history lesson on something I'm not very well-versed, but for what Roland does, consider to what Peking is with its combination of story telling, singing, dancing, martial arts and acrobatic performance, I don't think the theater they refer Roland to is "just western theater," the good ol we all familiar with. Especially with the martial arts and acrobatic performance, for what Roland is capable of (or consider his battle performance), he exceed just being some reality show performer. That's traditional art. Albeit Roland is referenced (quite heavily) on a Frankish knight, that's very much just a title, much like his role on the stage. It's always better to consider him as someone more than just his role. And that is where the localization and translation team failed to make justice of what his name could have been, or if only someone could have point it out earlier. "Hỏa" ("火") means literally fire, but "viêm" ("炎") is a blaze (literally two fire syllables on top of each other.) It can also be use as an adjective to describe heat in some cases. "Flambeau" is pretty much a torch, even much less meaning than "theatrical flame", but it gave me this idea that said flame is being contained within an object and/or a place. Although it's not even flame, but an even much larger fire. (A friend after hearing me telling them all this said that it felt like a very symbolic fire, it could be seen as Roland's passion for the art of performance, which I very much agree. It burn hot and bright but it also contains him, imprisoned him almost.)

That's a long dissecting section, so what does that leave us with? Well, I tried all combination with each syllables including ones from their names, and only the combination of "犬" and "炎" sounds the less cringe (haha) ("chaotic opera" "狂戏" could've worked if only 狂 isn't a very fitting adjective for 戏) If i respect the shipping community rule of name position (top's name at the front, bottom's at the back) then that gives us "犬炎". But personally, it's doesn't matter, the Vietnamese transliteration left me with "khuyển diễm" but I'll fw "viêm khuyển" as well.

Còn với những người anh em đồng hương của tôi, con ship này cũng có tên việt, là "Sói Lửa" (camuroland can be very international)

And with the usual english speaker, my friend have suggested "Blazing Canine" and I happily approve of the idea (it's so much better than my "hot dog".....)

And with that I would like to conclude my TED talk. Thank you anyone who reached this point (❁´◡`❁) I hope it gave you something, or wasted your time in a enjoyable way haha /gets kicked off stage

//And if anyone is like "why does Roland get such a long analyzation for his part," here's a diet one for Camu. While Roland's chinese name is just a dialect of his name ("ro-ran") Camu's does has a meaning but it's on its own is so good and I'm not sure if anyone has point this out yet, and I frankly don't think it would be very fair if i take Roland's frame name just to combine it with Camu's name. "卡穆", romaji "kǎmù", Vietnamese transliteration "khải mặc" (or in any case of you stubborn people like, fine "ca mặc", it doesn't change the meaning) means "a silent protection." Consider he always has us play where's Waldo, he's really just at the flank and back protecting everyone on his own in denser punishing zone, it's rather fitting. And it's not that he doesn't complain, it's just that whenever he does and curse at Roland hahaha

#ghawst's ramble #camuroland #pgr roland #pgr camu #punishing gray raven

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amorremanet · 3 months ago

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disclaimer: blah blah blah, this post is just one person’s opinion, blah blah blah, I’m basing said opinion on my own observations but there are no doubt pieces of the story that I’m missing and my opinions should not be treated as fact, something something, DO NOT harass the volunteers at AO3 support or anyone else over any of this, if you harass anyone over this then you are the asshole, period. not a debate, just a fact.

SO, LIKE. I honestly don’t have anything of actual significance to add to the current round of AO3 Discourse because all of my complicated feelings on it have already been said better by other people

(e.g., axing “all media types” tags was a bad idea; some fans may not like them but they are too broadly helpful to be done away with entirely; this is a complex issue, there is likely no way to make literally everyone happy; there should’ve been more transparency and AO3 upset people more by rolling the change out with little to no warning; lumping former “all media types” works into a specific fandom silo was all but guaranteed to piss people off; the Archive userbase being hair-trigger makes a lot of sense after some of AO3’s very high-profile fuck ups in the past few years; however, the three (3) volunteers handling the support tickets are not the people who made the decision and it’s garbage that they’re the ones who are left dealing with so much of the vitriol from upset fans; etc. etc. etc.)

My big question in all of this is: if the people on the tag-wrangling committee who made this decision actually thought that getting rid of the “All Media Types” tag was going to be a broadly popular decision with a lot of support from users, then why didn’t AO3 do more to announce this change to users before it started being implemented?

If we are supposed to believe the version of the story that has come out from AO3’s people, the one where they really did believe that it was in the best interests of the majority of AO3 users to get rid of “All Media Types” tags, then why doesn’t their behavior about the decision reflect that? Why didn’t they post more to let Archive users know that this was coming? Why didn’t they talk up what a great change this was going to be and how many people and fandoms would allegedly benefit from it?

Why is it that most users (readers and authors alike) seem to have found out about this from popular posts on reddit, tumblr, or twitter, all made by aggrieved fans whose fandoms have been negatively impacted by the decision? Because as far as I can tell, there was a single solitary post on the official AO3 tumblr about this, which went up AFTER the change had started rolling out and got its reblogs turned off because of all the backlash?

Not to treat “say that shit with your chest” as uniformly useful advice, but……… Come on, AO3. If you really stood behind the decision to get rid of “All Media Types” tags as much you’re claiming—if you really, truly believed that it was in the best interests of the Archive as a whole and that the majority of Archive users would support you in it—then why didn’t you say that shit with your chest?

Because to me, failing to announce the change ahead of time—and then only doing the bare minimum to let users know—looks like moves to try and hide what’s happening, which does not make me, personally, inclined to believe the “We really thought that this would be a popular decision with broad user support” story

I do not have any explanations for what could’ve happened instead of the official story. Moreover, I’m don’t actually want to speculate on that beyond saying “The way this was publicly handled makes me personally feel disinclined to believe the official story” because conspiratorial bullshit thinking like that doesn’t help anybody (it’s way more likely to cause unnecessary harm, especially by spreading ideas that may sound true enough but are probably not gonna be based in reality, when you get down to brass tacks about it)

But the way that this whole change was handled publicly makes me personally feel disinclined to believe the story as put forth by the official post from AO3, and as a longtime Archive user with millions of words of fic posted on the site, who donates to AO3 and the OTW when I can? I really don’t enjoy feeling like I have even more reason than before to distrust Archive staff :/

#mine: text #kassie hush #mine: opinions #opinions for ts #fandom shenanigans #wank for ts #archive of our own #ao3 #for transparency’s sake: the big reasons i have previously had to distrust the people running ao3 mostly revolve around them fucking up very #badly about handling racism & racist harassment on the archive. actual bipoc fans critics & scholars have written about this before but i do #think there are cases where you can tell very easily that any given fic is not ‘depicting racism but not condoning it’ & is in fact intended #to be racist harassment of bipoc in fandom spaces (the nazi omegaverse fic that called out dr. rukmini pande by name in the tags comes to #mind as does the ‘colonizer!lan wangji’ au from the mdzs/untamed fandom :///#i need to be getting ready for my vaccine appointment later but lol i am not being a responsible adult whoops #also there is a massive fucking fly in my room and i need it to gtfo

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jarateblog · 2 years ago

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My Rambly Complaints on Orbital's Optical Delusion

Not that anybody who reads this is really going to care, but felt like getting my thoughts put out somewhere, since I don't really have a spot on my website to put this stuff currently (and I'm still trying to stay off Twitter for the most part and its word cap would only get in the way anyways)

I've been a massive fan of Orbital's for a couple years now, and would call Snivilisation one of my favorite albums that hits me on multiple emotional levels when sitting down to listen to it in its entirety. In Sides, The Middle of Nowhere, the Brown Album, and The Altogether are more of some of what I would consider masterpieces from them, although none of their albums are bad in my opinion. This album, however, is probably the one I've been the most frustrated with due to a variety of reasons.

The lead up to this album was an absolute shitshow, to start, because the brothers clearly weren't in contact with their social media manager enough (or their social media manager was just super incompetent at their job), self-leaking songs before their official announcements, and just announcing the album about 3 months before its release. Each version of the album available is different too, the digital and vinyl releases being the most basic, while there are 3, count 'em, 3, different versions of CDs you can get: one basic, one with a separate bonus CD, and one with included bonus tracks (all three are completely different and barely vary in price). This isn't to mention how NONE of these were explained until about ONE WEEK before the album's release, fucking up many peoples' pre-order plans (and prevented me from even pre-ordering the album in the first place as a result, especially as a US citizen who gets fucked with ~20 pound shipping costs). There was a super expensive (and limited) blu-ray edition that is the only "complete" package, with all bonus tracks (minus one), with surround mixes as a bonus, but, obviously, not everybody has the money (or set up) to settle for that package. Then, there was the whole stupid N(o) F(ucking) T(hanks) shit they pulled about a week before its release too, a clear last minute ploy to squeeze a couple extra bucks out of some idiots who believe in that shit.

Funny, then, for how obviously political/environmental this album is that they wanted to sell it through such incomprehensible means. I know that sometimes labels can get in the way of music releases, but the absurdity of all this cannot be just the result of some publisher's stupidity. So, I feel everybody, especially including the band, needs to take blame for this shit. This is stuff that is actually getting in the way for normal people to just listen to music, and I wouldn't be surprised if this album ends up under-performing as a result.

About the actual quality of the album, that's very subjective, and it shouldn't surprise anybody that I am pretty sour and my opinions are biased, even if I went in with as much of an open mind as I could. There are good tracks here, but most feel extremely under-developed for Orbital's standards (and learning that none of the tracks were actually worked in collaboration between the brothers strengthens this belief).

The always common political messages for Orbital albums here are also extremely on the nose, making it annoying when I have to read every other comment on posts regarding the album complaining from dense right-wing dickheads about how they want all their music to be 'non-political.' I obviously wholly support Orbital in continuing to push their messages, but the way they do it here is far from subtle or tongue in cheek (like in almost any of their previous albums). If I'm leaning on the same side of the political spectrum that they seem to be on, and I am finding their messages to be forced or cringey, then I think there is something wrong with the presentation of the message.

Notably, the album's themes revolving around the pandemic are almost 3 years behind the time it would have made the most impact. The pandemic still affects us today, yes, but they relay their message as if the damn thing just started a month ago. It would be more impactful and relevant if the focus was more on the people who still refuse to believe the virus exists, and how that affects the rest of us, but the messages don't go any further than "the virus sucks," or "the government doesn't care about us."

I find the only standout song on here to be "Are You Alive?," which is still a bit weak in the lyrical department, and feels like it has nothing to add for the last 4 minutes when the vocals get done in the first 3. The radio edit of it was horribly done though (although radio edits never do justice to Orbital's songs), cutting off the end of the track ungracefully and shortening the space between the main lyrics before there is time to let the music speak. It's unfortunate, because this song had potential to be one of their best in their whole catalogue.

I only recently got to listen to some of the bonus tracks (because somebody had to sneakily upload them on to Youtube), and it's a damn shame they weren't included on the main album (which is already under an hour in length, so come the fuck on with that). They are perhaps some of the best developed tracks out of this release, and it's completely insane that nobody told whoever was in charge to just put them all in the one package (hell, it would even further justify the album being a 2xLP, since the fact its only 51 minutes is just a waste of vinyl plastic at this point).

I'm just extremely frustrated with this release. While Monsters Exist in 2018 was one of my least favorite albums of theirs up until this point, I could still listen to it in basically any way I wanted to without issue, and it gave me plenty of time to develop my thoughts on what is still a great album of theirs. This album, on the other hand, actively prevents me from experiencing some of its best material, and the main experience does not hold much to me on its own. This is the first time I can say that I dislike an Orbital album, and it pains me to say it, after holding all 30 years of their output beforehand in high regard. I can't help but feel like this was made to just put some extra cash in their pockets, since Paul Hartnoll's solo work probably isn't making him that much money and who knows what the hell Phil does outside of the band.

#orbital #choppost #review #rant #music

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anon-e-has-a-tmblr · 10 months ago

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Oh, what a lovely display of hostorical ignorance!

So, let's start at the first image: the sympol there is the symbol of Irgun (Etzel in hebrew), who believed at the time that the entirerty of British controlled areas in the Levant were promised to the Jews in the Balfour Declaration. Even during the 1930s, when this organization was operating (along side others), it was a minority opinion especially since traditionally we had (and still have) no reason to cultivate a desert we never lived in east to the Jordan river.

Now let's move to the map of "Greater Israel". It's true that the bible mentioned a Greater Israel" as the land promised by god to the decendents of Jacob after becoming a nation (exsodus 23:31, Numbers 34, Ezekiel 47:13-20). Historically and archeologically speaking, however, we know for a fact that the kingdoms of Israel and Judea never extended further than the boundaries of Litani river in modern-day Lebanon, the fertile lands on modern-day Jordan (specifically the Gilad and Amon regions), and the Negev desert in modern-day Israel. And throughout history there was no attempt to "concour" anything beyond these bounds. And keep in mind, only Ezekiel talks about the boundries properly, the Torah itself keeps it vague with phrases like "from the sea to the river" (Sounds familiar?), which has been always interprated as "from the middleterranian sea to the Jordan river".

And now, let's talk about the flag. The correct flag is this one, with white strips at the top and bottom:

And funny enough, it looks very similar to a talith, a praying cloak worn only during morning prays.

Why is that? Well, nobody knows really how it started in the 1890s, but the current Israeli flag was agreed upon and became the official flag of the Zionist Movement in its first assembly in 1897. It is believed, however, that a version of the flag was first flown at Nes Ziona (a city in modern-day Israel) in 1885. Here are suggested reconstructions of this flag:

Why blue, of all colours? Well, because blue was always the national colour of the people native to the southern Levant. We see it in archeological finds, as well as in the bible (Numbers 15:38).

Now, let's talk about "Hammas in Lebanon or Egypt": we all know Hammas afiliates and soldiers fled to Egypt since 2009, as we know that Egypt tried to stop the smuggling operations from Sinai to the strip by flooding the tunnels underneath the border. And since many "Ganaz Influencers™️" are now posting from Egypt, it's safe to assume Hammas is alive and well over there (for now). As of Lebanon? Well, we got Hizbolla(? Hizballa? How do you even spell their name in English), which is way, way worse than Hammas. If Hammas is your local gang leader, Hizballa is the fricken Russian Maffia. You don't under-estimate these guys.

I will stop here and wont go inti trying ti reason with any of you regarding us being "imperial colonizers" since you see all jews as "white europeans" and thus as the demiurge-sorry, I mean "the evil within and without".

Tell me how this is about Hamas. "Well you shouldnt be supporting Hamas" "well what about oct 7?" "Do you condem hamas?". Ugh cmon, yall just wanna steal a land and use the excuse of "it was promised to us bla bla" and kill others.. its not about hamas, its all about colonizing.

I have not heard about hamas in Lebanon or Egypt. Come up with something new...

#i see your gnostic bullshit from over here fam no need to hide it #reblog #israel #long post #history #time to try and teach the fools once #if that fails i go back to making fun of you #because at that point i know for a fact you dont care about history or the natives of this land #you just wanna see jews being murdered #for the funzies i guess

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broken-balance-baby · 11 months ago

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lilith's far cry 7!

that's right folks! you heard that right, i'm making my own version of far cry just for the fun of it (it has taken so much research to radicalize me fully like i s2g the amount of research is insane and also im so angry abt us imperialism god bless)

sooo this far cry takes place north of yemen and south of saudi arabia! the country doesn't have an official name yet, although "rakaz ghol" (or "gold earth" if the translation from the lexicon is correct-- to any arab speakers who know classical arab by chance, will you please help me? lol) is on the table.

rakaz ghol has a loooong rich history of religious and cultural mishmashes thanks to pre-islamic tribes still surviving their culture in the later eras. it's also known to have thrived with natural resources ranging from minerals to the fertile soil itself, ranging from the edge of the coastline towards the crossover of the asir mountains, and it's a target for the US to try and grab very often.

on one particular year, somewhere between the 60s and 70s, iraq's then-president had the objective to overthrow US occupation in saudi arabia as since they've overstayed their welcome in west asia. (who knows, because if it's saudi first, then what comes of the countries surrounding it?) in retaliation, the us attacked them, manipulating saudi arabia into believing that iraq was going to obliterate them for the americans occupying the place, which saudi arabia had decidedly gifted a part of its country as land to the us after the attacks. only problem is, saudi arabia also gifted this part of the land with rakaz ghol, where the rakazis didn't appreciate sa's deal with the us that had them at the cost. despite their conflicting issues with yemen as well as inner corruptions being dealt with with its own president, after overthrowing him they began to protest the us presence in the country, only to be shot down and silenced.

the new country/territory in question is called "benjaadia" a dumb portmanteau of "benjamin" (as in, the explorer who went through the arabian peninsula) and hadia ("gift" in arabic)-- might be subject to change, but hey. it's currently run by levi berkeley (faceclaim is mads mikkelsen btw just thought i should let u know <3333), one of the first few people born when the country was still at its first time standing, having initially grown up in tel aviv before moving back to the country where he became ambitious in his prospects for the country, having joined the military in the midst of it, and soon became the man running the military while being voted governor. in the late 2000s, he later ran a raid on the north of rakaz ghol, kidnapping an indigenous woman to the land and assaulting her-- leading to the conception of their son yitro berkeley (who would later name herself barakah).

barakah was very aware of the horrors both benjaadia and rakaz ghol have been through-- and especially the horrors his mother had been subject to ever since she'd been kidnapped. so she made a run for it with her, but in the end she ended up dealing with her death and having to come across the resistance that she'd eventually lead by the age of 16, because of the murder of the revolution's father.

who knows what fate has in store for her. still, this story is taken within the eye of a foreigner, and the protagonist's eyes are one of the other important ones too.

cue john "evening" taylor, a 19 year old corporal who co-leads his team in a PMC (and closely affiliated with the us military and other international militaries) called sunset harrow. an egotistical asshole with insecurities, alongside being a kid who couldn't express himself since birth, he initially joined the military to get the money he needed to sustain his family, only to later switch to sunset harrow as since they personally chose him and a lot of other young kids to take part in the international affairs the us military didn't want to deal with. in short: the us's backlogs of dirty work.

and whaddaya know? rakaz ghol is one of that.

#wrt.txt #lilith's far cry #far cry

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arabian-batboy · 3 years ago

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There’s a big conversation going on about the handling of Jason’s character that emerged after a summary of an upcoming comic was revealed, where we will have him officially stop using guns while working with Dick to solve case where someone is framing Jason for murder.

I have to agree with majority here who find this premise to be ridiculous for the following reason: A) If Jason’s going to continue killing criminals then what’s the point of him not using guns? Is killing people with guns more immoral than killing them in other ways or is this his way of pleasing his self-centered father who has personal problems with guns? B) Jason is a serial killer who literally killed someone on live TV, even if he was framed for murder what will that do? “Ruin his reputation”? C) This story seem like its DC’s way of trying to take steps into fully infusing Jason into the Batfamily and getting rid of all of his anti-hero/anti-villain’s traits.

I would like to focus on point C, since I was always conflicted about it. For me I always preferred how badass and capable Jason was in Under The Red Hood storyline and how he was portrayed as Batman’s most dangerous enemy yet, which is a portrayal that DC didn’t stick to and now Jason’s character has become a much watered-down version than it was when he was first reintroduced as Red Hood. Now obviously most of us love the interactions he has with the Batfamily, but I feel like they came at the cost of Jason’s characterization, because realistically speaking, there’s no logical way to how Jason went from being a drug-dealing serial killer who breaks all the Batfamily’s rules and even attempted to murder both Batman and Robin at one point, to basically an overgrown broody teenage boy who makes sarcastic comments to his siblings, but will gladly work with them whenever they need back-up under Batman’s orders and then go eat Alfred’s cookies with them afterward (especially when in-universe, it hasn’t been THAT long from him coming back as Red Hood to current time)

It just feels like DC’s easy and cheap solution to him fluctuating between these two characterization is to simply re-write his character and remove everything that will stop him from being a full-fledged member of the Batfamily, with zero conflicts with anyone of them, to be fair this issue has been going on for a while now, but it seem Jason not using guns anymore is the first major step in doing this.

Personally I’m very conflicted on this, it seem like modern DC comics doesn’t know how to write anti-heroes anymore, they either turn them into goody two-shoes heroes (Jason, Harley or Selina) or pure sociopath villains (Black Adam or Talia) and I hate that. I always believed that Red Hood turning into a superhero is a compete regression to Jason and add nothing to his character or Batman’s comics, if anything it will take away from the variety of the stories being told and the complexity of the characters. However...........and this might hurt so many UTRH!Jason’s fans, I also believe that with the right writing, there can be a middle ground between these two versions of Jason? Because lets be real, Jason working with Batfamily has been going on for many years now and a lot of his characterization and relationships to other characters are in fact based on these years, so unfortunately I don’t think you can undo/erase all of those years without completely changing Jason’s character and turning him into something completely different.

It sounds hard to do and I don’t have a clear answer to how to it, but if it was up to me, I definitely will bring back Jason’s intelligence, his deadly abilities and his ideology from UTRH. One of which is haunting down The Joker for revenge (isn’t it weird how that plot-line was just dropped?), which will include him searching for criminals/mobs who may have clues for his whereabout and murdering them after foiling their plans and getting all the informations he needs and even if they didn’t have anything to do with The Joker, he will still murder them because they’re still criminals whose plans includes hurting innocent people (that’s where the anti-hero part comes in)

When it comes to his relationship with the Batfamily, he will no longer casually work with them or hang out with them in their day-to-day lives. They will no longer have ways to contact him and depending on the situation, he might work with them if they just so happen to run into each other while working on the same case, then sure, he will compromise and agree not to kill when he’s with them, but this only goes for missions not involving The joker (but every now and then he might snap and kill a person if he thought they were just too dangerous to allow them to live) however, this only goes for the Batkids, but not Batman, since that’s where his resentment lays on, so he will never be a sidekick to Bruce again or work under him, maybe next to him, but never under him.

One more thing before I go, I always loved the contract he had with Bruce in RHATO, where they both agreed that Batman will no longer go after Red Hood as long as he doesn’t kill anyone inside Gotham city. I think using that contract and the loopholes around it will help us find the middle ground I was talking about earlier, so hear me out: Red Hood should have his own city just like how Nightwing has Bludhaven! That way we will have Jason being the badass crime-lord from UTRH without the Batman/Batfamily compromising on their morality/code-ethic by allowing Jason to do what he wants under their nose and at the same time we will still get to have Jason taking a break from being a crime-lord in his city to visit Gotham and there we can have those endearing moments between him and his family. He respect how they do things in their city and they respect how he does things in his city, so unless it was a rare case involving The Joker or another equally super-disgusting human, no boundaries will be crossed (basically what happens in Jason’s city, stays in Jason’s city)

Not to mention that Jason’s having his own city will help him having (an actually good) supporting cast exclusive to him. He can have a civilian life with civilian friends/love interests during the day, while during the night he will have to deal with his antagonists, who will be divided by two; villains who hate him for ruining their business and heroes/vigilantes, (who aren’t affiliated with the Batfamily), who want to put a stop to him for all the many crimes he committed, so technically from their perceptive, he’s the antagonist, not them. (Also bonus point if they were his civilian friends who have no idea who he is) and because of that, the Superhero community will get off Batman’s back for not doing anything about his rouge son since he already has Superheroes keeping him in check.

That way everyone wins (for the most part at least)? Both Jason as a crimelord fans + Jason being a part of the Batfamily fans will get what they want and the best part is that we didn’t have to choose between one of them or sacrifice Jason’s characterizations in order to do so.

#this is super long and I wrote it all in one go so I might change my opinions later on #Jason Todd #bruce wayne

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eunnieboo · 4 years ago

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XP-PEN Artist 12 Pro Review!

hello! XP-PEN was kind enough to send me their Artist 12 Pro: LINE FRIENDS Edition for an honest review. i currently use a Wacom Cintiq 13HD, but i’m always interested in affordable alternatives, so i wanted to check it out!

in this review, i will be comparing the Artist 12 Pro to the tablet that i have - keep in mind it is an older version of the Cintiq 13HD, so i’m not sure what they’ve changed recently. but because Wacom is pretty consistent in terms of tablet quality, i believe this is a fair comparison.

so right out of the box, there’s a lot of fun, cute accessories that come with this particular collab. part of this tablet’s selling point is its portability, and i can definitely see why! it feels very light and slim (note: this is a display tablet, like the Cintiq 13HD, so it must be connected to a computer). i was also pleasantly surprised to see all the different adapters it came with!

the pen comes with eight additional nib replacements - my Cintiq originally came with five. i personally have a very light touch, so i’ve never had to replace my nibs before, but i think having extra is helpful for those who have a heavy hand. the portable stand also has one level compared to the Cintiq’s three, but i found the angle just fine.

this might be a personal preference, but i really appreciate how the cable plugs into the Artist 12 Pro. it’s something i wish i could change about my Cintiq - one wrong nudge will send my tablet screen flickering to black before booting up again.

i also love the 3-in-1 cable that the Artist Pro has, because it cuts down on the multiple cords i have running under my desk.

this tablet comes with eight buttons and a scroll wheel on the side. some people prefer using their keyboard, but i like using express keys because i don’t have to move my hand from the tablet at all. so this was a point in its favor for me! these are my shortcuts, for those who are curious:

the driver set-up and installation also went smoothly. i first tested the tablet on a MacBook Air before switching over to a desktop PC, so i got to experience the set-up on both MacOS and Windows. in my opinion, it's easier on a Windows device. it feels a lot more straightforward. while i was also able to successfully install the tablet driver on MacOS, it required a little more tinkering and some additional steps. i wouldn’t consider this enough to dissuade Mac users, i just personally enjoyed my experience on the PC more!

(full disclosure: i had some screen troubles when the tablet was connected to my MacBook, but this was because i had to hook it up via an adapter of my own. i didn’t want to pay $70 for the official Apple product so i got a cheaper one, which ended up being a clown move LOL :’) once i removed the adapter and connected the tablet to a PC, i no longer had any of these problems. just something to look out for if you’re considering using any usb-c adapters!)

now for the most important part: drawing on the tablet! first off, the laminated screen feels very nice. i personally dislike drawing on slippery glass screens (this is part of the reason why i struggle to draw on iPads without a textured screen protector), so the matte, non-glare finish is really satisfying. the active draw space is slightly smaller than my Cintiq (10.09″ x 5.67″ vs 11.75″ x 6.75″), but i personally like small to medium screens so that didn’t bother me.

i do believe the Cintiq 13HD is more precise when it comes to pen sensitivity and responsiveness - however, i feel like the Artist 12 Pro holds its own very well. i’ve been using my Cintiq for years, so i’m very used to how it feels. despite working on an unfamiliar tablet, i was able to sketch, ink, and color quite comfortably on the Artist Pro. while i noticed slight differences in pen precision, it simply resulted in me redoing some lines now and then, and that ended up being my only complaint. the colors looked just as vivid as they did on my Cintiq, and i was able to adjust the pressure settings in order to compensate for my light pen strokes.

in terms of cost effectiveness, my Cintiq 13HD was $700, while the Artist 12 Pro is $300. although the Cintiq moderately outperforms the Artist Pro in pen sensitivity, whether or not that warrants its price tag is up for debate. ultimately, it’s up to the individual to decide what’s more important to them: performance or value. you could go for a tablet that’s affordable, but has some room for improvement, or a tablet that performs slightly better, but is considerably more pricey.

though the Cintiq is twice as expensive, i wouldn’t consider it twice as good. but again, it really comes down to what’s most important for your workflow, and what guarantees you get your money’s worth. i’ve found that huge ranges of pen sensitivity or pen tilt are totally unnecessary for my art, but for some, that may be a deal breaker. personally, i was able to use both tablets well, and neither impeded my ability to draw.

my final verdict: if you are a hobbyist, looking to upgrade to a screen tablet, or trying to get into digital art, the Artist 12 Pro is definitely an option to consider! i think it’s a really solid display tablet, especially for its price point. though i can only speak for myself, my experience with the Artist Pro has been a positive one! XP-PEN seems to be a strong competitor for Wacom and its products, and i’m very eager to see how they grow from here.

⭐️ XP-PEN Official Website ⭐️ 🌱 Artist 12 Pro LINE FRIENDS Edition 🌱

#xp-pen #line friends #tablet review

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kingstylesdaily · 4 years ago

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Kid Harpoon reveals the secrets behind Harry Styles' BRIT-nominated smash Watermelon Sugar

Not only did Harry Styles’ effervescent pop single Watermelon Sugar define his second album Fine Line, it was also one of 2020’s most ubiquitous hits. This week, as it marks the first anniversary of its official release, the million-selling smash is up for a BRIT Award. Here, co-writer Tom Hull (aka Kid Harpoon) relives the story of a single that sent Styles flying towards a new stratosphere...

Watermelon Sugar felt like it had a life of its own. We always believed in the song, but I don’t think everyone heard it and really thought it was going to do what it did. I’m not even sure it was necessarily earmarked as a single. And then it just started...

It was one of the first songs, it might even have been the first song, we wrote for the album. We went to Tyler Johnson’s studio in Nashville. I was playing a riff, Tyler was doing some chords and then Harry turned up and started singing and the whole thing developed.

Harry was reading a book called In Watermelon Sugar [by Richard Brautigan]. Either he brought it in or it might have been just sat there. We had the melody and he said, ‘What about Watermelon Sugar?’ At first, and I get this quite a lot with his lyrics, I thought, ‘That’s kind of weird’. Then you’re like, ‘Man, it’s brilliant’. I remember thinking that with this. Harry’s so good at lyrics, he’s really growing into his own thing.

We had this ‘Watermelon sugar, high’ line and it was like, ‘What’s that all about? What does that even mean?’ It was funny, everything put in a poetic way is. We did the scratch vocal and a lot of the lyrics stuck from that. One of the reasons that song connected so much is because of the lyric, I think it’s just fun, but it doesn’t feel dumb, in a weird way. Is it about sex? I don’t want to get too graphic, but we were saying it could be about this or this... We just thought it was funny.

The song was done so quickly initially, it was such a demo, then it really had an evolution during the making of the album. Me and Tyler really believed in it, and Harry loved it. We felt the pressure to deliver on a song that we loved, so we just kept reworking and working it and pushing and pushing.

What tends to happen is, you have the song and you’re all feeling it and it’s like, ‘This is fucking awesome’. But then you can leave the studio and you realise it’s not translating from that recorded version in the way you’re feeling it, because you’ve been listening to it all day and you know it.

We played it to people and they were like, ‘This is cool, it’s a grower’. And we thought, ‘This isn’t selling the vision 100%’, so me and Tyler really chiselled it out. It needed to hit people straight away and give them that feeling we got in Nashville. That took a real second.

We added some brass, there were loads of little stages, then right at the end, we brought in Pino Palladino to play bass. It was originally me on bass and we had him come in to do some bass on another song and we said, ‘Why don’t we try Pino on Watermelon Sugar?’

There’s a little bassline right at the end in the last chorus where he flips the whole thing. It’s really subtle, but if you listen out for it in the last chorus he does a little riff on bass, which technically just shouldn’t make sense, but when you hear it... We were at Henson Studios in LA and when he did this little riff, all of us were jumping around going, ‘Oh shit! Fuck, that’s it!’ We suddenly realised we’d got that magic back in it. It had been around for a while at that point and I think everyone involved in it, from label, to management and even us, we’d sort of forgotten about how good it was. So it was a nice full circle moment for it to come out, do its thing and have a life of its own.

My kids sing this song all the time, it’s got that thing. Friends and my nieces and nephews have sent videos of them singing it, too. It connected in a way you hope to achieve.

With a lot of the stuff I’ve done up to now, I’ve had success with songs before, but some of it is maybe a bit heavy. I like how light and fun Watermelon Sugar is. Maybe with some of the heavier Florence + The Machine stuff I worked on, if you’re three years old, you’re not really gonna get it... [Laughs].

There’s a grocery store in LA called Trader Joe’s, and [after the song came out] they had signs above the watermelons that would be like, ‘watermelon sugar high’. It felt like part of culture. Hitting No.1 in America was awesome, especially with this song. I’d never had that before. Especially in the current wave of music, particularly in America, the charts are so full of hip-hop. Hip-hop really feels exciting and it’s really hard to break through, so to break through with a song called Watermelon Sugar about oral sex is kind of awesome. I don’t really have a basis of comparison, it felt so unique.

Things really kicked in for Harry with Watermelon Sugar. As much as he’s been part of One Direction, it really feels like he’s shed the ‘of One Direction’ thing. And, knowing him and what he’s been working towards, that’s a really nice moment. Having big songs is a part of that.

via musicweek.com

#kingstylesdaily #Harry Styles #hs: watermelon sugar #kid harpoon #may 2021

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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago

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Inky Memories

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Drug Use (Past), Domestic Violence (Past), Shoplifting (Past)

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: Tattoos can reveal a lot about a person. What will Y/N’s tattoos, which she has kept hidden for so long, reveal to Corpse? Will it change anything between them?

Requested by Anon. If you’re reading this you know who you are 😊 Thank you for the request, hope you like what I did with it. Sorry if I made it too angsty! And my most sincere apologies for publishing it so late. Enjoy XOXO ❤

“Guys, come on now! I’m not hiding anything!“ I laugh, looking up from the comments to the camera, “You know how much I hate being embarrassed! Believe me when I say these tattoos are EMBERRASSING. I got them while I was either drunk or in my emo phase and I’m not too proud of them.“

I’m currently doing an Instagram live Q&A session that I scheduled last week. I do one every month and it’s my favorite way of connecting with my audience. An hour of chill lo-fi and questions and answers. I get really excited every time I schedule the session. My fans are such amazing people and they are all so supportive, funny, intelligent...I could go on and on about their positive qualities. One thing I’m not too fond of is their persistent curiosity. Here’s why.

Yesterday, while streaming, I got an unexpected pain in my forearm. Instinctively, I lifted my shirt sleeve to see what was wrong, flashing a few tattoos at my viewers in the process. I’ve never mentioned my tattoos to my audience, not even my boyfriend, actually, so to have this much attention on them so suddenly makes me want to hide them even more. People started commenting on them during the stream and I tried to dodge the majority of the questions, but I knew they would be inevitable during the Q&A. If the session hadn’t been scheduled for like a week at that point I maybe would’ve postponed it until the dust settled.

“I have several. Not only on my arm.“ I only answer these vague questions. I avoid the ones that are asking details like what is depicted with the tattoos and what’s their meaning, bla, bla, bla.

Here’s the thing. I got my first tattoo when I was fifteen at this shady alley tattoo shop and I’ve been obsessed with tattoos since. I made a deal with myself to get at least one every year.

Needless to say, I’m twenty years old and have almost the same number of tattoos. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ashamed of them. And I lied when I said they were embarrassing. I am quite happy with them, the way they look, at least. Each of them represent something different. Unfortunately, they are representative of some dark and depressing times. Times I want only the fewest of few people to know about.

“Yes, he’s here. You can’t see him, but he’s waving. He says hi.“ Corpse is the perfect distraction. My viewers love him just as much - maybe more - as they love me.

He knows how easily I get overwhelmed by the attention and pressure of thousands of eyes on me and whenever I’m having a hard time while streaming all he has to do is walk in my recording room and just say the most random thing. Recently, his go-to phrase has been ‘Chicken wing’ and it always cracks up both me and my viewers.

Speaking of Corpse, him and I have been dating for over a year now. We moved in together a month or two before quarantine was officially a thing so we have been together 24/7. It’s scary how many things you can pick up on when you spend so much time with someone. That, of course, means he has noticed some of my tattoos. He has asked me about them, like why I cover them up and why am I so secretive about them and I’ve always been vague and indirect with my answers. He’s the sweetest and most patient person ever, so he has never pressed me with the questions, but I’m still hoping to gain the courage to reveal them to him someday.

“Thanks for tuning in, guys! See you tomorrow for my regular stream and next month for a chill hang out like this one. Love you, stay safe. Mwah!“ And with that the live video is done and I can finally breathe out a sigh of relief.

“Now we can order dinner“ I smile at Corpse who is chilling on the couch in my recording room. He looks up from his phone screen, returning my smile. “Were you recording a Behind The Scenes again?“

He does that often, not only with my Instagram lives but sometimes my streams as well. That’s actually how we revealed our relationship to our fanbases.

He nods, “Yeah.” He pauses for a second, switching to a sitting position with his feet touching the floor. We’re almost at eye-level now. His arms snake around my waist as he pulls me closer towards him. I take the hint and settle in his lap, my legs on either side of him. “I admire how well you handled the pressure back there. I know how you feel about that topic.”

The small bit of anxiety that has started spreading throughout my chest disappears. He has that calming effect on me. Like my own personal safety blanket that’s with me at all times. “I wouldn’t have handled it so well if you weren’t here with me.” I say as I run a hand through his hair, moving a few stray curls away from his gorgeous eyes.

He shakes his head, making the strands fall back over his eyes, “It has nothing to do with me, Y/N. You are simply an amazing person, that’s all.“ His cold hand cups my burning red cheek, leaning my head down so our foreheads are touching. “Nothing could change my mind about it.“

That sentence causes a small pang in my chest. I feel like a manipulator. I’ve led this man to fall in love with me without knowing the past versions. I realize it’s incredibly manipulative of me to reveal my dark aspects only after we’re head over heels for one another, but I can live with it. If it were up to me, he’d never have to know. He would never have to find out that I’m not the amazing person he thinks I am. I have been broken countless times before and all my pieces are just glued in place. Not all of them are where they’re supposed to be and some of them are on the verge of breaking off. Just like a mirror. You can put all the pieces together but not only will you see the cracks, the shards can fall at any moment.

My tattoos are to me as the cracks are to the mirror - evidence of my fragility and the many falls and breaks I’ve had throughout my life.

“Are you sure about that?“ I whisper, trying my hardest to engrave every detail of this moment in my mind because, after what I’m about to do, I’m afraid we might never be like this again.

The softness of his curls, his scent, his warmth, the way he makes me feel. I can hardly believe I’m risking losing all of that, but I owe him the truth.

I feel him nod against my forehead. I tense up and pull away so I can look him in the eyes. It’s hard for me to maintain eye contact especially when I’m fighting back tears. I can’t even say I’m about to lose him. I’m about to let him go. It’s up to him if he stays or decides that he deserves better.

No backing out, Y/N.

I grab the hem of my sweater and lift it up, revealing the many ink drawings on my skin. I discard the sweater on the floor, leaving me in only my bra meaning all my tattoos are on display. Not exactly all, I have some on my legs as well, but these are some of the most important ones. The ones which reveal most about who I used to be.

Corpse takes my hands, tilting my arms so he can take a better look at the tattoos that go from my wrists to the bend of my arm. His thumbs caress the tattoo on each of my wrists. “This one... “ I nod to my left wrist, “I got on my friend’s birthday. We both did. They’re matching.“ The tattoo depicts a heart with a keyhole. “She got the key.“

“I thought I had the key.“ He says, smirking up at me.

“You do now.“ I feel the pang again but this time it doesn’t go away. It’s a constant pain - a constant fear. Being scared of something inevitable is the most nerve-wracking feeling. It makes you feel small, helpless, like you’re standing aside watching your life be controlled by a force you can’t see.

Before he can break me even more, I go on, nodding to my upper arm, a little below my shoulder where there’s a rope tattoo that bends around my arm, its ends connecting in a bow, “I got this one after my shoulder healed.”

His brows furrow in concern as he tilts my head for me to look at him, “Healed from what?”

Here we go. Let the cat out of the bag. “Um....well...” I instinctively reach up to touch my shoulder, running my fingertips over the inked rope. “My dad wasn’t a very nice guy.”

I can pinpoint the second his heart breaks. I don’t want to hear what he has to say, I know it will kill me, so I just continue, moving onto the one on my other wrist where the word ‘Shadow’ is written in cursive writing, “This was my nickname in my friend group. I was the only one to never get caught shoplifting.”

The tears are gonna start rolling at any moment so I deliver the final blow, moving onto the most traumatic event, aka the tattoo on my collarbone of a heartbeat turning into a dead line and kicking up again, “This one I got after I woke up from my almost overdose.”

As if on cue, a tear falls from my eye onto his hand that’s still holding mine. My voice remains still, to my surprise, but I know it won’t be long before it too gives and breaks. I can’t look at him. I don’t want to see any sympathy or that look like he doesn’t recognize me. I feel like I’ve let both myself and him down.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?“ he asks me in a whisper. He sounds almost hurt. “You know you can tell me anything.“

I see another tear fall, “I know. I just...didn’t want you to think any less of me.“

Again, he lifts my head so he can look me straight in the eyes. He knows how much I struggle with eye contact and how much I hate crying in front of people, he knows how vulnerable I feel when someone’s looking me in the eyes or when someone sees me cry. He also knows that he’s the only exception to that rule. He knows I never feel out of place when he’s around.

“Think less of you? Babe, you’re a fighter like no other. You picked you life back up. You did all that on your own. You’re a warrior, Y/N.“

I smile through the tears which are now ones of joy instead of fear and dread. “I was a dumb teenager, Corpse. I had no idea what I was doing. I just wanted to get a thrill and feel something other than pain. I know I went about it the wrong way but...” he gives my hand an encouraging squeeze, “And you’re wrong, I didn’t do it all on my own.” I release his hand so I can cup his cheek. His hand comes up to cover mine as I swipe my thumb on his cheekbone, “I met you a month after I left the hospital. The rest you know. I moved to a less druggie populated part of town and I repaired my relationship with my aunt. All that time, I was balancing between the need to relapse and the will to stay alive. After I met you, that balancing act was no longer a balancing act at all. I didn’t even think about my past anymore. I was more focused on what I could be. On what I have to be to deserve to have you by my side.”

“You will always have me on your side, Y/N. Even when you don’t want or need me there.“ With both his hands holding mine he leans forward, connecting our lips. It’s a short kiss laced with nothing but love and adoration.

As we lay on the couch, him asking about each individual tattoo I didn’t get to tell him about, everything just seems a lot easier. Like a big area that was previously dark has suddenly turned into the brightest point of our relationship.

“I need to get that key tattooed. It’s only appropriate.“ He says, his finger tracing the heart on my wrist.

“Or an ownership deal for it. That heart’s yours, you know.“ I laugh, lifting my arm to inspect the oldest painting on my body, “It’s your favorite one?”

“No.” he shakes his head, “This is my favorite one.” he leans down and kisses the heartbeat on my collar bone. “I’m so glad it started beating again.”

“I am too.“

@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @itsminniekat @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus

#corpse husband #corpse #husband #corpsehusband #corpse simp #corpse husband fanfic #corpse x reader #corpse x y/n #corpse fanfiction #corpse husband fanfiction #corpse fanfic #requests #request #requests open #x reader #reader insert #love #angst

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shihalyfie · 3 years ago

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Kizuna itself vs. the two versions of the novel

Written on request from a friend who wanted to remain anonymous. This is more of an editorial than a meta, and while I usually have a policy of “this is an analysis blog, not a review blog” it goes into more of my personal impressions and opinions than usual, but it’s something I write hoping to be helpful.

There are basically three “official” full versions of Kizuna: one being, of course, the movie itself, one being the Dash X Bunko version of the novel, and one being the Shueisha Mirai Bunko version of it. While it’s certainly not to say that any of the three is an “incomplete” version of the narrative, if you really want as full of a picture of the story as possible, somehow, each of all three versions of the story happens to have really important information that the other two do not. If I had to pick only one of these three versions to recommend to people, I would of course pick the movie itself; it’s obviously the base story everything else is based off of and was the one the production centered around as a priority, but the novelizations have a surprising amount of info that provide a lot of insight into the movie’s story and themes.

I get the impression that the creation of Kizuna involved making a lot more story and background details than could fit in a 95-minute movie, so these novelizations, which were based directly off the original movie script, ended up being an outlet for a lot of these details (and as much as I could be harsh on the movie itself for being a bit “reliant” on extra material, I have to admit that Adventure and 02 were both like this too -- a lot of our current understanding of the series comes from the Adventure novels and drama CDs -- so frankly I’m thankful we at least got this with a 95-minute movie instead of a yearlong series). On the flip side, while I'm not going to say that the novels are completely and utterly inaccurate representations of the movie, in a perhaps too-close approximation of Adventure and 02's writing style, this is a movie where even the nuances in a single line or split-second moment carry heavy implications, which become much blurrier or harder to identify when they’re presented differently (or not even presented at all) in the novel’s context, especially when they emphasize very different things from what the movie itself was emphasizing.

The short version of this is that I believe the Dash X version contains the greater amount of “plot and story” information but significantly misses out on the emotional themes and presentation, whereas the Shueisha Mirai version abridges and cuts chunks of content but is much better at conveying the intended message. More on this below the cut. (Note that the following post spoils Kizuna’s plot events.)

The movie itself

Since the following parts are more “in comparison to the movie”, I’m not going to go too much into this in this section, but one thing I will say is that the official English subtitle translation for the movie is really not great. Even if you take out nitpickiness about the fact it misses several significant nuances (the difference between “unchangeable fate” and “changeable destiny”, or the fact that Gennai refers to partnership dissolution as a “case” and not like it’s something that happens overall) at really plot-important moments, some lines (thankfully, usually not plot-important ones) are just straight-up incorrect. And worse, there’s evidence the official English dub was based on that translation! (I’m not faulting the people in charge of the dub for this, but whoever handed them that translation to work with.)

The dialogue in the Dash X Bunko version is transcribed effectively word-for-word from the dialogue in the movie (or perhaps vice versa, given that the novel is based on the original script), so I highly recommend checking that version as a reference for dialogue or if you want to do any intimate analysis on it. I don't want to go as far as to suggest not supporting the official version of the movie because of this, but at least please be aware that the translation used there is not entirely reliable.

Dash X Bunko

If you talk about “the Kizuna novel”, this is the one that people usually tend to be referring to, for two reasons. Firstly, it was translated shortly after the movie’s release, and due to the unfortunate circumstances of Kizuna being delayed in accessibility outside Japan for several months, this basically served as the only comprehensive source of info about the movie outside Japan for a very long time. Secondly, in Japan, this one was marketed as “the one for adults” in contrast to the Shueisha Mirai one being “for kids”, which meant that a lot of people assumed that the latter one was just an incredibly stripped down version that was otherwise disposable or replaceable. (This is very, very much not the case, and is extremely ironic when it comes to a movie that partially centers around the dangers of looking down too much on things associated with childhood.)

When it comes to “plot and story info”, this is the one that probably serves as the best reference (especially for fanfic writers or those who need a refresher on certain plot events or to look up something quickly), and probably has the most “comprehensive” listing of plot events surrounding the movie. The dialogue in it is a word-for-word recreation of the movie’s script, and actually includes more scenes than the movie itself does, including two that I suspect to be deleted scenes (a detailing of the specifics behind the initial plan to pursue Eosmon, and a conversation between Koushirou and Tentomon) and adaptations of the first and second memorial shorts within their context in the movie. It also contains some interesting background details and extra context for some things in the movie that you might think would normally be animation flair or something, but take a very interesting implication of story importance if they’re going out of their way to write this in the script. (There’s a scene where Agumon and Gabumon appear in front of their partners when they’d been behind them a minute before, and it’s easy to think this might be an animation error, but not only does the surrounding context make this unlikely, the novel itself actually directly states that their positions had changed.) Given that, I think it was very fortunate that this novel was available to us for those outside Japan waiting for the actual movie to come out, because this level of detail was very important to have on hand rather than fragmented spoilers on social media.

However, the part where I think the novel is significantly deficient in compared to the actual movie (and also to the other version of the novel) is that it describes the plot events in too blunt of a manner and doesn’t bring out its themes very well. (It’s kind of like having a long and very detailed Wikipedia article plot summary; it definitely got all the hard facts down, but the emotion is gone, which is still a pretty significant issue when media’s all about the feelings and message in the end.) While “considering the movie to be more cynical than it’s probably meant to be” happens regardless of which version someone’s working from, I’ve talked to perhaps an unnervingly high number of people who started with the novel and were absolutely convinced that the movie’s message was about adulthood sucking and needing to just accept it, until they saw how the actual movie pulled it off and the surrounding atmosphere and realized it definitely was not. (I think one really big factor here is that a lot of the visual imagery makes it extremely, extremely hard to miss that Menoa’s mentality is completely screwed up and her way of seeing things was dubious to begin with; prose descriptions really just don’t capture the way they slam this in your face with visual and musical cues during the climax of the movie.)

You can figure this out from the novel itself, but you have to really be looking closely at the way they word things, and on top of that it’s hard to figure out which parts you should be focusing on and which parts aren’t actually that important -- in other words, the “choice of priorities” gets a bit lost in there. Even the little things lose a lot of value; it’s theoretically possible to use the novel to put together that Daisuke is wearing his sunglasses indoors during his first scene, but you have to put together the context clues from completely different paragraphs to figure this out, none of which compares to the actual hilarity of visually seeing him wearing the thing in a very obviously dimly lit restaurant because he’s our beloved idiot. (For more details, please see my post with more elaboration on this and more examples of this kind of thing.)

I wouldn’t say that the movie itself isn’t guilty of (perhaps accidentally) having some degree of mixed messaging, but I would say this problem is rather exacerbated by the novel’s way of presenting it due to its dedication to dropping every single plot detail and event without much in the way of choosing what to contextualize and what to put emphasis on (as it turns out, treating practically everything in the movie as if it has equal weight might not be a great idea). So, again, for that reason I think the novel serves as a good reference in terms of remembering what happened in it and knowing the movie’s contents, but I also feel that it’s really not the greatest deliverer of the movie’s message or themes at all.

Shueisha Mirai Bunko

The second version of the novel was not translated until several months after the movie first released, and shortly before the Blu-ray and streaming versions of the movie itself came out anyway, so my impression is that on this end a lot of people don’t even know it was a thing. On top of that, even those who know about it often dismiss it as the “kid version” -- and to be fair, it did baffle quite a few people as to why this version even exists (Kizuna is technically not unacceptable for kid viewing and its plot is still understandable regardless of age, but since the movie is so heavily about the millennial existential crisis, it’s not something kids would really relate to). So a lot of people tended to just skip over it...which is really a shame, because it contains some interesting things that actually aren’t in the other two versions at all. For instance, did you know that, as of this writing, this is the only thing that plainly states the specific explanation for why Yamato decided to become an astronaut, for the first time in 20 real-life years?

While there are still some things that weren’t in the movie proper (mainly the Eosmon initial plan and the adaptation of the second memorial short), for the most part, the actual events are somewhat abridged compared to the movie and the Dash X version, and other than a few stray lines, there’s not a lot of extra information that would be as helpful for referencing the events of the plot. The version of the novel here is rather broadly interpretive of the scenes in the movie, so several things are condensed or taken out (and, amusingly, because it’s assuming that the kids reading this don’t actually know the original Adventure or 02, it has to describe what each character is like in a quick one-liner).

However, interestingly enough, it’s because it’s so heavily interpretive that it illuminates a lot of things that weren’t really easy to glean out of the Dash X version. For instance:

Some scenes are described with “other perspectives” that give you info on someone else’s point of view. (For instance, we see more of Yamato’s perspective and thoughts when he has his first phone call with Daisuke, or a bit more detail in the process of how Eosmon kidnappings work.)

We get a lot more information on what’s going through everyone’s heads during each scene, and what emotions they’re feeling at a given time. (This is something that you could at least get to some degree in the movie itself from facial expressions and framing, but would often be a lot blurrier in the Dash X version; here, it’s spelled out in words.)

When things are abridged, you get a clearer idea of what the intended point and theme of the scene was because it’s stripped down to include only that part. In one really interesting case, the scene with Agumon finding Taichi’s AVs has a “censored” equivalent where Taichi’s pushed to a corner because he can’t find anything non-alcoholic in his fridge -- so when you look at the two versions of the scene and what they have in common, you can figure out that the point isn’t that it was a lewd joke for the sake of it, but rather that Taichi’s forcing himself into boxes of “adulthood” that are actually meaningless and impractical.

Some of the descriptions of the characters, scenes, and background information make it a lot more obvious as to their purpose in the narrative (it outright confirms that Miyako being in Spain means that her personality is getting overly enabled there).

The scene where the circumstances behind Morphomon’s disappearance are revealed makes it significantly less subtle what the point is. In the actual movie, a lot of this involved visual framing with Menoa seeming to become more and more distant, but in this version of the novel they basically whack you over the head with the final confirmation that Menoa is guilty of neglecting her own partner, which contradicts her own assertions that “they were always together” (maybe not emotionally, it seems!) and helps clarify the commonality between her, Taichi, Yamato, and Sora in what exactly led to their partners disappearing.

Bonus: this version of the novel really wants you to know that the ending of the movie is about Taichi and Yamato fully having the determination to turn things around and lead up to the 02 epilogue. (The movie’s version of this involves the extended version of Taichi’s thesis and the credits photo with Yamato obviously next to a rocket, while this novel’s version involves more detailed fleshing out of how Taichi and Yamato decided to use their experiences to move onto their eventual career paths and what kind of hope they still have at the end. The Dash X version...didn’t really have a very strong equivalent here.)

In other words, while this version of the novel isn’t the greatest reference for plot or worldbuilding, it does a much more effective job being straightforward about the intended themes and message of the movie, and even if the scenes in it are much more loosely adapted, it’s much better at adapting the emotional nuances of the things that would normally be conveyed via visuals, expressions, and voice acting. (Although I would still say that the movie itself is the best reference for that kind of thing, of course.) If you just want lore or plot ideas, I don’t think it’ll help you very much, but since this series is so much about characters that had their ways of thinking fleshed out in such incredible detail, and about strong theme messaging, this is all still very valuable information in its own way.

#digimon #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #kizuna spoilers #shihameta

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1ddotdhq · 4 years ago

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Sun 31 Jan ‘21

Happy Walls Dayyy!!!!!! Today was the first anniversary of our #1 fave debut album of 2020, and we all celebrated, Louis included! Last but best thing first: WE GOT A DEMO!! Louis ended the day by publishing a dreamy clip of a demo of the title song ‘Walls’. His clear voice croons over beautiful sliding electric guitars and background reverberance- if that’s his FIRST draft then he is, as we knew, a GENIUS! AND, the King Himself came on twitter to interact with his “loyal” (his words) subjects (that’s us!). He popped up at first to say that his tour, when it comes around, will be “fucking unbelievable...this is our day!”, and talked about his favorite part of the last year (“the two shows I played”), what he noticed most when performing solo the first times (“the space on stage” ughhhh all the tears), what he was looking forward to after COVID (“everything”) and getting through these times- “remember that everything is going to be better when normality sets back in.” He also explained that while he was gonna put out merch today, he “didn’t want to market the day”, but rather make it “a celebration just for us”. But, uh, the merch will be coming eventually! He then replied that there were “too many greedy fuckers out there” who try turn celebratory events into a “cash grab” (to quote the fan), and harries then got mad at that because THEY were like this must be about Harry (lol uhhhh) and assumed he was shading him and Jeff rather than, I don’t know, his OWN FORMER LABEL?? Cool cool cool, but it’s still Harry’s moth on Spotify, so cope. He told us that his proudest moment on the album was recording the strings for the Walls the Single, that he wouldn’t have approached the process differently because he’s still really proud of the album, that he was most looking forward to us hearing KMM or Walls, that Doncaster is his fav place (to no one’s surprise lmao), and, asked what song he likes to rock out to off HIS ALBUM was like oh hey have I got a rec for you: “Maybe Tomorrow” by the Stereophonics. It goes, “think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile, but be free” and “maybe tomorrow I’ll find my way home” (huh is there something happening tomorrow that could be linked to... OH. Right. Huh. Well all that is just a coincidence I’m sure, it’s not like Louis ever said he likes to rec songs because he wants us to read into the lyrics or anything... oh wait.)

LTHQ did a insta quiz over on their stories (I only got two questions wrong!) and they did the promised virtual listening party and tweeted along to each song and retweeted fans’ reactions (and all the usernames, larries everywhere, we SEE YOU). Friends of Louis joined in the celebration- Only The Poets, Ashton Irwin of 5SoS fame, Helene Hornyck (“all the love,” she said!), Isaac Anderson and more, and All On The Board made one of their lovely Frankenstein poems which mashing up a bunch of LT1 songs, but in keeping with the theme of the day (and COVID I GUESS) did it as fanart rather than the usual in person board. And all of that was the BORING part of the day, can you BELIEVE?? The FUN part was the Walls Fanart that was chosen to be the new Spotify cards on the official Walls album. As in, they are up right now if you want to go check them out, but I’m gonna tell you straight up: they’re half Harry tats! The Defenseless card, especially, as it is just straight up fanart of Harry’s moth tattoo, especially fun when he had JUST got us talking about its Papillion origin with his finsta! The artist had been worried that Louis would be mad at them for submitting ‘Larry art’, and was overjoyed to learn that, uh... apparently, he was NOT. That was not all! The ‘Too Young’ art card is H’s rose tattoo, ‘Habit’ and ‘Fearless’ were both different variations of H’s anatomical heart tat (the ‘Habit’ one even included the word kind :{) ), and the We Made It rainbow wheel did, in fact, make it to Spotify, just like we thought! “Perfect Now” was Louis standing under a rainbow spotlight—they made that one black and white for spotify but the artist shared the original version. Harries were beside themselves, and tagged Jeff (Azoff), Ben Winston, and Gemma Styles (what?), demanding that they make Louis take the art down because it was clearly Harry art, which 1.) how much more blatant can you be if even ANTIS are noticing and 2.) what sort of control do they think Jeff, Ben, and Gemma have over Louis seeing as, uh, none of them currently work for him??? Weird, are they thinking there might be some kind of link... between Harry and his team and Louis... tell me more antis, truly, I’m fascinated!

One would think that’s more than enough for one day but WAIT THERE’S MORE Zayn is in EXCELLENT quirky Zayn form having fun with his own merch—he posted a gremlin (from the old RL Stine movie ‘Gremlins’) in a NIL beanie captioned “one size fits all humanoid shaped heads” late last night, haaaaa. Yes, I agree! The red stitching really makes the gremlin’s red eyes pop, and his fangs have never looked this good! And the question arose, is Harry’s finsta actually just his side account for following nothing but gay meme accounts? Evidence—the discovery of a second follow, of the openlygayanimals account-- would suggest yes! Well that’s valid, imagine having to not only navigate the internet AS HARRY but also without funny memes of your choice, that’s no life to lead. And Niall complained on twitter that people didn’t understand his sense of humor because SARCASM! He also tweeted about golf, which I’m sure was cool for people who understand it.

#louis tomlinson #zayn #harry styles #niall horan #lmao @ all the people who were like LOUIS JUST SHADED HSHQ #like uh NO HE DIDNT YOU DID #lajdflkdajfsd #also COULD LOUIS BE MORE ON LA TIME??? NO HE COULDNT #i love this today was fun and much needed!#to celebrate im gonna rewatch the liveshow tonight!#anyways!#song of the day!#maybe tomorrow by the stereophonics! bc LOUIS

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a-clockwork-justice · 3 years ago

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Everything I Love About Loser Geek Whatever

So, not too long ago, it was the third birthday of Loser Geek Whatever. Yes, I know the single was released on November 30th 2018 and its considered the song’s official birthday, but the 26th July three years ago was the first showing of the 2018 Off-Broadway revival of Be More Chill and the first time Loser Geek Whatever was shown to the world in any capacity. Therefore, I consider that day to be the song’s unoffical birthday and I’ve been waiting to write down everything I love about it so here I am. (This was originally gonna be posted on the 26th July but I can’t make anything concise so it took longer than that).

I’ve gone on and on about what Loser Geek Whatever means to me personally, how a slew of random chance introduce me to it, got me deep into Be More Chill, introduced me to 90% of my current friends, and overall up-ended my whole life, but now it’s time to dissect the song itself and why it’s so great. As much as I adore Loser Geek Whatever, it could’ve easily been any other song that threw me down a rabbit hole and that I could’ve latched onto- no, wait, it couldn’t have been, because Loser Geek Whatever is unique in that way. I did about a year of music at A-Level so I’m gonna delve into some of the technical aspects here too. I’m chronicling this mostly for myself so I am going as deep as I see fit because this song is a treasure hiding yet more treasures. If you happen to love Loser Geek Whatever as much as I do, this’ll be your goldmine.

So, grab a snack my fellow fans, because here’s a comprehensive list of everything to love about Loser Geek Whatever in roughly chronological order. Long post incoming:

The song starts off strong from the first millisecond - I don’t know what instrument(s) they used but just listen to the single version again - that opening chord blares at you like a siren. It calls for your attention, screaming this is incredibly important, and indeed it is. That chord, an F chord, has no indication as to whether it’s major or minor - it’s just the tonic F with its dominant C and another tonic F above it. In other words, it’s unresolved, it hangs in the air. From a narrative standpoint, Jeremy is at a crossroads, torn between giving into the SQUIP or staying loyal to Michael, and the music paints this. It has the same effect on both the single and album versions - I always hold my breath as it holds, it’s the gap in this crucial transition for Jeremy between who he was and him becoming something he isn’t.

To continue the thread of musical painting, the melody line contains the accidental E-flat which doesn’t belong to the key of F major. This once again illustrates Jeremy’s uncertainty, but there’s more - the whole introduction is a slowed-down version of the Apocalypse of the Damned theme from Two Player Game, arguably the point in the show when Michael and Jeremy’s relationship was at its strongest. Jeremy’s recalling everything he had with Michael, but the slowing down of the melody shows hesitancy, along with highlighting the accidental E flat. These latter points of course aren’t unique to Loser Geek Whatever - they’re also in the section of Upgrade that twins with Loser Geek Whatever. I’m just laying out why they work so well.

I’m glad I waited until after I saw the show in London to finish writing this - I’m something of a Loser Geek Whatever purist, as made clear by my ire at them cutting it in half and tacking the end of Upgrade back on for the London version. I still enjoyed the show in London though and I’m glad I knew about this change ahead of time, because they did change something about the song that I think really worked - they added two notes in the bass to each bar, like heartbeats, which once again signifies Jeremy’s uncertancy and the importance of this major turning point.

It’s been firmly established by this point that Jeremy is a loser and he knows it. He doesn’t want to be a hero, he just wants to survive, but there’s a difference between that and feeling “inconsequential.” Jeremy is basically admitting that, in his eyes, it doesn’t matter to the world or anyone except Michael if he even survives or not. He’s not just a loser, or a geek - he’s a whatever, with no one caring who he is. And he’s felt this way for years - since middle school began. He’s now in his Junior year of high school - that’s five years of being in this state of being unnoticed at best and picked on at worst. He’s “the one who’s left out”. With just one little line, hell, one word, we’re given more layers as to why he so badly wants to change that.

Moving from the first verse to the chorus, we start to see Jeremy’s attitude shift, from being sad to being angry - he’s frustrated, resentful that he’s spent so long in this state (A lot of people have made similar comparisons about Will Roland’s Jeremy as a whole in relation to Will Connolly’s Jeremy and I think this song exemplifies that). He doesn’t deserve to feel this horrible - not now and certainly not for the next two years until he and Michael can be “cool in college.” When you think about it, what options does he really have? He could either give into the SQUIP or reject it and go back to where he was, still miserable and lonely. Yes, he has Michael and Michael is an amazing, kind, loyal best friend, but as many have pointed out, he’s also dismissive of Jeremy’s feelings of inadequacy whether he means to be or not, which only made Jeremy feel more lonely. Should Jeremy just expect to feel better about himself at some point before college? He’s waited for years, why would that happen at any other point?

More layers baby! Second verse, Jeremy rants on about his father’s advice about following his own instincts and how it’s gotten him nowhere he wants to be. Come to think of it, Michael’s advice about staying the same and waiting for their environment to change can be seen as similar - it’s arguably easier for Michael as he has two loving mothers who undoutably give him plenty of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, Jeremy’s mother has left them, which likely instilled further feelings of not being good enough, and his father has fallen apart to the point where he can’t even put pants on, let alone step up to take care of his son, meaning that Jeremy likely isn’t going to take his advice very seriously, especially after it’s failed him so thoroughly. But to Jeremy, the problem isn’t necessarily the advice itself - it’s that it’s being followed by him. So now he’s going to turn around and put his life and every choice in something else’s hands, even if - no, especially if it goes against his own instincts. It still doesn’t feel quite right, it “feels bizarre”, but it’s getting him somewhere, so it has to be right in the most meaningful capacity, and to Jeremy, the “most meaningful capacity” is any capacity that isn’t his own.

Now the best line - the one about being a “normal, handsome guy”. Let’s get this on the table - Jeremy is trans. Will Roland himself said that he often thinks of the show’s young trans fans when he sings that line. Naturally, societal transphobia plus gender dysphoria would have a pretty catestrophic effect on the self-esteem of any growing teenager, even more so one in Jeremy’s situation for the reasons I’ve just laid out. He’s probably missed out on a lot of things that “normal” guys take for granted, with most girls barely looking in his direction, let alone in any positive manner. Jeremy’s own sexuality aside, it’s mostly society, and the SQUIP by extension, that considers scoring with girls to be a “manly” or masculine activity, and through Brooke treating him as dateable material, Jeremy feels better about fitting into society’s rules of how a man should be and act. This isn’t the only reason he feels good about Brooke finding him attractive, of course, but it’s just another layer that Jeremy sees more value in conforming to how society says he should be rather than in how he actually is.

I know I just said that the last point was about the best line, but honestly, there’s more than one best line in this song. The bridge is where we start to see Jeremy’s language becoming more technologically inclined - “prompt”, “command” and “bandwidth” are all terms used in computing and used to show how Jeremy is likening himself, or his intentions, to a computer, effectivly merging himself and his SQUIP into one entity and Jeremy willingly giving over his own individuality.

And HERE, we get to the kicker. I’ve talked a lot about layers throughout this whole essay, about themes and motifs building on each other. Jeremy is essentially peeling back the layers of his own situation and only finding reason after deeper reason after deeper reason as to why he should follow the SQUIP and not be a loser anymore. Now, he hits the core, the seed, the crux of it all - “The problem has ALWAYS BEEN ME!!” Everything he is, everything that makes Jeremy Heere himself, is and has always been wrong. This line is a gut punch and EVERYONE knows it - the performer always takes a few seconds to let it sink in before continuing.

As an aside, I wanna mention the differences between the single and the album versions of the bridge. The album version starts of quieter after the vocalising of the last chorus, and builds up to the climactic final line, while the single version is loud all the way through but gets even louder and punchier at the end. Both are good, but I personally prefer the single version - the album sounds like Jeremy is broken and desperate and on the verge of tears as he reaches his inevitable but ugly realisation. The single is also desperate, but it’s pleading and all-consuming and a THOUSAND times more powerful, I get chills every time I hear it. (Side note, the London version starts of loud like the single and ends quieter like the album, almost as if Jeremy is reluctant to admit what he truly believes about himself, and it’s easy to see why, it’s a damn harsh condemnation).

“Take a breath and get prepared” - Jeremy sings to both himself and the audience. The first half has been heavy and we need a breather. Yet just before he goes over the brink, he has second thoughts. His conscience, his own voice in his head, breaks through, warning him that his choice will have consequences for other people than himself. People will get hurt - Michael most of all. Not just by Jeremy ditching him; here’s something else - when Jeremy is the “cool dude”, he might end up being a bully to those who are losers just like him, cutting them down just as Rich’s SQUIP made Rich do to him. Who would be the perfect target for Jeremy’s potential future bullying? His former best friend and fellow loser, Michael Mell. It’s pretty damn likely that if the SQUIP hadn’t optic nerve blocked Michael, it would’ve told Jeremy to pick on him, and even though Michael has ostensibly been pretty good at brushing these things off before, the takedowns would hurt a LOT more coming from his former best friend - and we know this because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, granted without the SQUIP influencing Jeremy directly (also let’s just clear up that just because the SQUIP wasn’t on doesn’t mean its influence on Jeremy hadn’t disappeared - that’s not how emotional abuse works).

Twelve years of loyal friendship, of borderline unhealthy codependency … can he throw all that away for Christine, a girl he’s thus admired from afar and is only just starting to get to know as a person? Moreover, even if Jeremy gets Christine, what about himself, who he wants to be? He just wants to be something other than himself because he thinks that anything is better but … what? The cool dude, the hero or … whatever. He’ll take anything because he’s that desperate, but what about when he gets it? Will he finally be satisfied? Will it be worth failing his one real friend, an act so scummy that the only way he could possibly stomach it would be to somehow pretend he hadn’t done it?

But none of those questions matter to Jeremy now - he’s fully gaslit into believing that every thought and inclination that comes from himself is wrong and shouldn’t be followed. He needs to sync up with the SQUIP and the rest of the world and mute his own defective inner voice. When you think about it, the relationship between Jeremy and the SQUIP is one of the most intense abusive relationships ever put to fiction - we’ve seen emotional abuse and brainwashing before, but here, Jeremy is literally preventing from THINKING the wrong way because the SQUIP can detect his every thought. See what I mean when I say that doesn’t go away when the SQUIP turns off for a few minutes?!

Throughout all of this is the undercurrent of Jeremy wanting to get better. He’s been trying so hard for so long to have a better life, but nothing has worked. Not listening to his dad, not trying to get closer to Christine through theatre, and certainly not listening to Michael’s advice to wait until college. Why should he resign himself to even more time being miserable with no end in sight? After all, being cool in college isn’t a guarantee. After all he’s been through, it’s his turn to finally be cool, after an eternity of being someone he doesn’t want to be.

Another best line in this song - “I’m Player One.” As mentioned a few times in the show before, like in the Broadway upgrade, Jeremy feels lower even in his friendship with Michael - he’s Player 2 as the more experienced Michael is Player 1. As previously established, Jeremy admits that he’s “not the one who the story’s about.” Now he’s ready to finally take control of his life, be the main character and have good things happen to him, and that means cutting out Michael, the old Player 1. The irony here is that Jeremy is less like Player 1 and more like a video game avatar. In reality, the SQUIP is Player 1, making Jeremy do whatever it demands of him.

More best lines! The slew of insults towards the end serves not just as yet more gut punches for the audience but as a major catharsis for Jeremy - It’s telling that the insults get harsher as his rant goes on, from the “weirdo” to the “weakling freak” to the “failure” to the climactic “please don’t speak”. He’s unloading everything that he’s been carrying over the years, ripping out the bullets that have been embedded in his skin and re-opening all the wounds in the process, but he’s done with the pain and he’ll never ever let himself be hurt like that again, if he follows the SQUIP.

I’ve made a whole post about the significance of the best line “Please Don’t Speak” before so I’ll mostly be repeating a lot of what I said there because it’s been a while since that post and because I want to. Who would’ve said that to Jeremy? Probably not Rich or Chloe, it’s not like them. It had to have come from an adult in a position of authority that could’ve commanded Jeremy not to speak like that - one that apparently did so enough times for him to internalise those words like he did the others. (Even worse if it was more than one adult ...). Out of all of the insults, it’s easy to see how that can easily be the most scarring out of all of them - how would an adult let a child know they’re inadequate? By silencing them. Making it clear that their expression of self not only means nothing, but should be forcibly avoided. Put like that, it makes it much easier to see how and why Jeremy fell under the SQUIP’s influence so easily - telling it was hardly different from authority figures he’s experienced before. In even more sad irony, as Jeremy claims that he’s breaking free and letting go of his past as the “please don’t speak”, he’s just walking right into another, similar trap that he can’t easily escape from. The SQUIP literally vocal cord blocks him during The Play - if that doesn’t say “Please don’t speak,” what does?!

The climax is growing! The music shifts into the relative minor as Jeremy fully gives in to the SQUIP’s evil influence. This is the point of no return, the point where he’s literally being surrounded and overtaken - if you’ve seen this on stage or even just a bootleg, you’ll know what I mean, when the lighting shifts and the circuitry start closing in around him, it’s wonderful. The bass ascends, Jeremy declares once and for all that HE IS NOT THE LOSER, THE GEEK, OR WHATEVER, and he never will be again! As some have pointed out, the sequence of notes on the final “again” is the same as at the end of Be More Chill Part 2, except the last note is different. In BMC part 2, it goes further down by a minor third, but in Loser Geek Whatever, it rises up to the same note it started with. This foreshadows Jeremy’s fate - that he will eventually overcome the SQUIP and that he still has it in him to do so. Man, let me just point out how amazing that last belt is - it lasts for a full 15 seconds in a really high range and takes a LOT of control to bring it back up to the high B without breaking. This song really was written for Will Roland - his voice can pull it off seamlessly, but other actors and understudies have had to find workarounds. No disrespect to them, it’s a damn hard song and it kicks ass all the way through. Scott Folan apparently had trouble with it too, but on the day I happened to see him, he pulled it off without breaking, so props to him!

Overall, Loser Geek Whatever is my favourite song in Be More Chill and not just for its sentimental value to myself. It’s a genuinely deep, complex piece that earned every second of its six minutes. Loser Geek Whatever is definitely the missing piece the show needed - not only is it Jeremy’s solo song, it’s also his “I Want” song and, in a way, his 11 o’clock number all in one, as he’s having a major epiphany after going on a journey, albeit only half of one. It’s easy to see why Joe Iconis dubbed this his anti-Defying Gravity, but it’s also easy to draw parallels to No Good Deed - how both Jeremy and Elphaba vow to become something that society is forcing upon them rather than what they are, even if that society’s will is objectively worse for them. Loser Geek Whatever deserves a thousand times the recognition it has and I still wonder to this day what the fandom reaction would’ve been if it had been in the original soundtrack.

So, that was it. I’m not sorry it was this long.

TL;DR: Loser Geek Whatever is wonderful and anyone who doesn’t think so is wrong.

#be more chill #loser geek whatever #joe iconis #will roland #be more chill meta #music theory #broadway be more chill #be more chill 2.0 #be more chill 3.0 #musical theatre theory #tw depression #jeremy heere #michael mell #be more chill analysis #tw emotional abuse #trans jeremy heere

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