#esp in the beginning of the timeline

[lil-oreo-crumbles]

The more I develop the magic system and magic lore for the Septarsis Dragonfly AU, the more Glossaryck is shaping up to be more and more actively villainous and explicitly antagonistic.

It’s kind of fascinating.

[onigiram]

' if i became the monster and threw that guilt away, would that make us stronger? would it keep our foes away? '

' if i became the monster to everyone but us, and made sure we got home again, who would care if we're unjust? '

' then i'll become the monster, i will deal the blow. '

' and i'll become the monster, like none they've ever known! '

' i must become the monster, then we'll make it home. '

EPIC: the musical has me in a grip rn and lemme tell u that monster gives me such scar inspo 😭

[suckishima]

deleted a whole 1k section of my fic last week and ughhh it was the right decision but it felt Bad and now im working on another section and it just. also isnt working and im contemplating deleting this section too and im annoyedddd. i have the final two chapters mapped out so well in my head but the getting there is a real slog this time around and i am frustrated

[variousqueerthings]

I mean, yes, there's a lot of nostalgia to the 60th anniversary, but I think people will conflate that with "automatically a bit shit" because a lot of nostalgia Stuff isn't that great after a glut of lazy nostalgia-based media over the last x amount of time, but that assumes that it was bad because of it being nostalgic, and not because it was irony-poisoned, self-conscious, and unwilling to interact with the changing times and therefore a poor copy of the said thing it was being nostalgic about, rather than continuing a story. the familiar phrase by now of "all nostalgia, no sincerity"

when I'm not a fan of what one might call "nostalgia"-stories, it's not because referring to the past is automatically bad writing, it's because the writing is stale and really often it's because it reveals that whoever made the new thing definitely didn't get the same out of the classic thing that I did, and at the same time is patting themself on the back for idk. something. doing the same thing again, only this time around worse (often it's that surface level interaction with tropes, rather than themes that outs them -- and yeah, that's in the trailer, but specifically the trailer is giving very little away, so knowing they're hooking people in with a bit of allons-y or the slap or donna being sassy, while keeping the things I'm really excited about a bit more mysterious, I mean... that just makes sense?? Yeah, I recognise the callbacks, but the really important things aren't being revealed yet, like the inverse of terrible movies that show all their biggest set-pieces in the trailer, because that's all they have to offer)

and I don't see people pre-judging the potential 60th on those criteria, just on the word "nostalgia." I mean, obviously we can say this might be bad, but it's sort of a nothing-statement, and it seems kind of unfair to say that rtd would do this, when he's not done that before, specifically on a show that is super nostalgic to begin with (that is, the longest-running scifi show of all time), of which rtd was a massive fucking nerd

I assume because it's three specials with dtennant and catherine tate, but also yeah, why the hell not be nostalgic both about classic!who and the series that you created that rebooted the show (the answer is "because ten isn't the only doctor that matters," and personally, again, rtd being a massive fucking nerd, feels a bit like putting words in the man's mouth that he's never said, specifically about a show that he's super nerdy about)

feels like people are putting the stance out there that they're ready to hate it and then they can always go, "oh it was surprisingly good, actually," in case it is good, rather than be just excited going in and risk disappointment, but it's a bit boring to be honest

tempering excitement is all well and good, until it makes you the irony-poisoned one, where all nostalgia is kind of stupid really, you don't even care that much, and you know this is going to be shit, and actually looking back rtd was never good if you think about it, and ten is overrated, and david tennant isn't even a good actor actually, and catherine tate was just a shitty comedian, and you've preemptively decided to refuse to enjoy yourself

it's an anniversary, that's when the nostalgia comes out, and has done since the 10th anniversary in (checks notes) 1972!

[mashbrainrot]

if I don't write to mike farrell soon I will never forgive myself

[caruliaa]

screaming bc theres a song (no i wont tell u what one but its by an artisit i dont listen to rly to much except for the last two days but i do like what of her music iv heard) that like. i rly feel like fits a ship (I WILL DEFF NOT TELL U WHICH ONE !!!!! but its like. not one i rly ship tht much but i do think its cute and im slowly getting more into it) in like. a weird way bc like. im not like omg this song is so this ship its so cute i mean the first time i listened to the song which was a while back when it first came out i was like this feels like ppl r gonna talk abt it w tht ship or like the song feels very like. like a fanfiction to me like generally and to me i feel like its like a modern au fanfic for the ship nd i listened to the song again today nd iv been thinking abt tht but the thing is i looked to see if anyone in any context has put that ship with that song before expecting to find lots of stuff but i literally found NOTHING its ubsurddd !!!

[softgrungeprophet]

windowverse houston fic is so close to done but also so far

because i still have to add like.... a bunch of plot stuff 😅😂

[a-shadowedvales]

@ruinedmyself: you're bleeding.

cold ate though janessa's chest like a disease, taking root and preparing its crusade inside the rest of her body. it crept through her limbs, into her cheeks, barrelled to her stomach. until the real world abruptly returned in harsh flashes, blindfold ripped from her face in a sudden motion, like she'd been burnt. she gasped, a choked sound rising from her lungs, blurred trance immediately landing upon the winchester on the opposite bed in their dingy motel room. ❛❛ oh. ❜❜ she furrowed her brows, trembling hand reaching just below her nose, where a thick trail of crimson slowly ejected. her eyes widened slightly in surprise, and the tone of her voice matched the shock etched in her features. ❛❛ that hasn't happened for a long time. ❜❜ then again, before meeting sam, (and coming to the abrupt understanding that her life was, in fact, not what she believed) jane had no reason to return to the void. bones and blood in a tapestry of memories and endless travelling. experiences unlocked in a haze of cloud and storm; multiple attempts had already been made to peer into a past she scarcely knew existed, to discover her true origins, solve sam's current predicaments... one single demon bringing these children together, a union bound in flames and buried mother's.

❛❛ i couldn't see anything. i'll try again later. ❜❜ she sounded depleted, annoyed, shoulders slumped like she'd failed by incomparable amounts. she stretched across to the nightstand and pulled out two tissues from the box to halt her nose bleed. it physically pained her that she lacked control, was unable to follow the flashes of yellow possessions and unknown children appearing in her dreams and waking moments. hints and teases of answers she and sam desperately sought, but when she purposely tried seeking them by her own might, there remained so little to be found. like they were figments of her dark imagination. hence why she travelled out and away from hawkins with him. she conceived a working theory that perhaps the upside down (although sealed off the last thirteen years) interfered with her subconscious, and the strives to reach the other end of the supernatural spectrum. it was actually the first time she'd ever stayed in a motel: it wasn't nearly as exciting as she might've once thought.

❛❛ do we have something to eat? ❜❜ amongst everything else, the woman forgot how hungry she became after a trip towards shrouding black. she needed to recharge, get her strength back up; then she'd willingly stay in the void for hours if it meant securing information for both herself and the younger boy.

[alagnsl]

I didn't notice the doors before i saw your post holy shit

Starting and closing on Barbatos def feels like a hint that the story will be in a different timeline and contained within its own canon

At least thats what i think

i think these are doors? probably barbatos’s powers and they were shown at the beginning and the end of the mv. will barbatos play a relevant role in the obey me nightbringer?  🤔

[toxicanonymity]

Hey Boo,

I've been seeing Joelkemons making the rounds being the best kind of dude to have around when you're crying.

Is Stepdad is having very strong feelings about all of this too? I imagine of Raider (LOML) and NW are being so soft with us, something in stepdad might respond to our hopelessly impotent rage.

I'd love to see how he reacts.

Boy howdy, tho, if I could slip into the brothel and have a big ol' Joel-pile, that shit would fix me all the way.

Thank you so much for everything you do and are.

I hope you're taking care of yourself too.

-- Cupquake <3

black tuesday

JOEL x f!READER | 1000 words

WARNINGS: 18+. Election Night. ANGST. Tears. Fears. This is intended to be a cathartic fic with some comfort but please don't read if it could be traumatic. Allusions to reproductive rights, etc. Reader is angry, esp. at men, takes it out on joel a little. Joel is supportive. Reader dacryphilia, brief smut. STEPDAD AU but you don't need to know it, and the stepcest doesn't come up.

NOTES: Sweet Cupquake, you're welcome and thank you for always being so supportive. Poor stepdad, he's normally the one needing comforting, isn't he? Yes, he has strong feelings about all this. This doesn't fit neatly in the AU timeline just roll with it. My brief post on the election is here. This will most likely be my only fic that overtly acknowledges the u.s. election. DO NOT INTERACT: TRUMP VOTERS, ANTI-CHOICE PEOPLE, MINORS.

You’re sitting on the floor of your apartment watching the news while Joel makes dinner and a huge mess in the kitchen. When the early votes are counted, we’ll see a lot more blue, they said. No, actually. Not really. You turn the volume way down so you can barely hear it. 

“Pasta’s ready,” Joel announces in a weak, sing-song voice. 

You remain on the floor. Your breathing is shallow, and it doesn’t feel real. 

Joel comes into the living room but doesn’t sit down. He stands with his arms crossed. His neck veins are bulging, his biceps are tense, his jaw clenches as he watches the screen. He’s pissed, he’s so angry watching this happen. He’s embarrassed to be a Texan. He thinks about all the women he knows. Embarrassed to be a man. 

He looks back and forth between the tv and you, and he sees your eyes are watery. He brings your glass of water from the kitchen, but you refuse it. He puts it down on the coffee table. Then, he picks up the remote control and turns off the tv. 

“Why’d you do that?” you snap. 

“It’s only makin’ ya sad,” Joel replies. “It’s still early, there’s time.” 

“Sad?? You think I’m sad?” Heat rises to your face. Your chest tightens.  

“Okay,” Joel acknowledges softly. “I can see you’re not just sad.” 

He sits down and tries to put his arm around you but you scoot over to face him. 

“All you men just go around blowing your loads everywhere and we’re the ones who have to deal with it, and you have the nerve to tell us how.” 

“I’d never tell you how to--you know that.”

“--I am so fucking tired of men talking.” 

“Sorry,” he mumbles, and sits quietly next to you for a minute. It’s hard knowing there’s nothing he can do or say, but he’s not going to leave you unless you tell him to. 

He clears his throat and asks softly, “Would anything make ya feel better?”

“Only waking up from this nightmare.”

“Yeah,” he acknowledges. 

“I don’t wanna feel better,” you begin to cry. “I want it to not happen….Like, is this real life?” 

None of it feels real. Months ago, people in stupid red hats were carrying around actual sperm cups. The highest-profile rapist in the country called himself the father of fertility, and crowds of people cheered. He said “mass deportation” and people cheered more. And then half the country voted for these sick, twisted buffoons. 

“You want some space?” Joel asks. 

“No,” you protest tearfully.

He hesitantly brushes the back of your neck with his thumb. This time, you let him put his arm around you. 

You whisper, “I can’t believe this is happening.” 

“Sweetheart, it ain’t over. We got time.” 

You shake your head no, ‘cause you can feel it in your gut. 

Joel sits in silence for a moment, and you can’t see it, but he’s tearing up because he can feel you burning and he’s powerless. 

He holds you and strokes your back while you bury your face in his chest. He discreetly checks his new york times app and tries not to react out loud- it’s only getting worse. 

After a few minutes of silence, he whispers your name, and you respond, “mm?”

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. 

You look up to see his cheeks wet, his hair messy. Your heart swells with affection. Affection and… gratitude? God, the bar is in hell. But to be fair, you really love him. You’re grateful for the man he is, not the one he isn’t. 

Desire begins to stir in your chest.

Joel presses a kiss onto your forehead, then lifts your chin, and you look at each other. He brushes away a tear from your cheek. With his own cheeks still wet, he swallows, and the emotional bob of his Adam’s apple sends a rush of arousal to your core. You put your hand on the back of his neck and pull him toward you for a kiss. 

Affection and relief floods your body. It’s temporary, of course, but you let yourself have this. You let the nightmare fade into a spicy dream. 

You straddle him and he pulls you close and moans into your mouth. You kiss him desperately and feel him harden under you. He hesitates and mutters, “sorry,” trying to read the room. He pushes your thighs back, trying to put some distance between you and his hard-on. 

“Stop,” you reply, then latch onto his mouth again. He breaks away and says, “Just don’t want ya to feel like I–” 

“Shut up,” you tell him, then scoot yourself closer, your crotch firmly planted on the warm, stiffening shape in his sweatpants. You grind your hips into him. He kisses you back with increased fervor, and moans into your mouth. Kissing passionately, your loins throb warmly together and your hips move in rhythm. 

You reach between the two of you and slide your hand down his sweatpants. You palm his leaking manhood. Pressing it against his tummy, you gently move the skin on his shaft, and  He groans.

“Fuck,” he breathes, and thrusts against your hand. 

You stand up to urgently take off your pj pants. 

His man-guilt is still eating at him. Squeezing his aching hard shaft, he lets out a moan, then weakly offers, “Are you sure you wanna…”

In response, you straddle him, hot and dripping against his bare arousal.  You slide against him, throbbing and ready. Then, as you slide his tip to your entrance, you warn him, “Get it while it’s on the table.” You sink down on him and he shudders. Then he thrusts upward and moans as he bottoms out.  

“My legs’ll be closed for business soon,”  you explain. 

He closes his eyes and breathes deep as your body accommodates his.  “Fair enough,” he answers thoughtfully, then opens his eyes. “Wait. Even if my face is the customer?” 

------

------

-----

NOTES: I actually wrote three Stepdad things, and chronologically, this is no. 2 of 3. The others aren't posted yet. The first one is a standalone pregnancy scare, nothing about the election (would've been before it). And the second one is a post-election talk about contraception.

My brief post on the election is here.

Thank you for reading. Please remember to take care of yourselves <33

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

< kiss it better. >

...

(i had an urge, or rather the need to draw them kissing. the sheer fact, that i didn’t ever draw anyone kissing before wasn’t enough to stop me. in the same way, jonathan’s lack of experience with kissing wouldn’t have stopped him from trying to lock lips with the bat. 

in this timeline, jonathan clearly already knows how to kiss bruce. must have done it enough times to get comfy with being affectionate in less … pushy ways. he also pretty familiar with small signs, that the bat doesn’t do all that well. some esp messed up / complicated cases would keep bruce sustained on little sleep an’ barely any time out of his suit. he shaves less frequently bc of it too. which is like the first sign, that he doesn’t pay a lot of attention to his daily habits. besides alfred, jonathan is the only other person, who notices those things an’ scolds the bat for it. which is ironic bc crane himself tends to huddle up inside some basement without a shower, much sleep or proper food for days, when he’s working on whatever. in a way, he’s even worse than bruce in that sense. but he doesn’t consider it a problem, when it’s him. but when it’s batman, now, that’s troublesome. an’ unlike bruce, who can literally haul him out an’ shove him into a bath *always have a vivid imagery of arkhamverse scarebat being in this situation* or put food in front of him an’ stand over jon till he eats it. jonathan has to be more ‘sly’ about his own methods. he prefers to egg the bat on, an’ kinda point out things until bruce might want to go an’ do smth just to prove him wrong lol. but he also attempts to coze the bat up with affection too. he’s not super graceful about it. but it’s the try that counts. an' he's hella smug about it, when he's successful, which is like almost always. really makes jon feel good about his knowledge of batman's inner workings.

meanwhile, i think, that bruce is often low-key surprised, when crane goes out of his way to be openly gentle, nearly consolatory with him. rather, then doing backwards things or weird gestures, that showing said gentle fondness. bruce in general is kinda reversed, when it comes to affection, even if he's better at giving it vs crane. but that's prob why the change manages to catch him off guard. his influence on jonathan's show itself in odd ways. i feel like jon is absolutely clueless about those things in the beginning. when he does them, he then acts very pissy an' embarrassed. but overtime, it gets less intense. he’s even let’s bruce lift his mask up his nose, after some time too. until that he acts all cagey about it. still very much self-conscious about his face. he can do it himself from time to time, but bruce is pretty much the only other person, he allows to do it at all. the complexity of their brain process, when it comes to their mask is smth else. they still cannot be normal about being just one single dude in the mask or without it lol.

anyways, jon can still be well, jon. he's weird an' love watching bruce's reactions on different things, bc he's still a scientist. and' professor of psychology. an' the scarecrow. therefore some kisses start with a small lick or a peck. another thing for bruce to ponder on. an' think how to respond in kind.

so yeps. just them kissing. it's one of those things that i wanna see an' think about [dreamily kicks legs] the end goal to make BTAS an' akrhamverse scarebat share a kiss as well.)

[salamispots]

watched alien romulus, liked it, spoilers below :0

I...liked it? like there were some really nice things about it, like the opening scenes of the movie/maybe first half? and then idk the parts where they start interacting with the xenomorphs themselves didn't really feel that tense

-I DID really like the demon baby scene/buildup a lot

-like going down the ladder to find this normal sized baby and watching the foot/hand prints get larger and larger and the first reveal they show you is this weird thing crouching in the shadows and when it steps out it's like o H D:

-andy going up to the sister and when he turns around it's like all the sound cuts out and it took my brain a couple seconds to figure out what I was looking at but oufughdhgfjhg creepy very very good

-ALSO A+ for andy's dad jokes :'D and acting

-the characters are all young looking (not necessarily bad?) but they weren't as compelling compared to others in other movies

-sound design at the beginning when you're settling in is really nice, esp. when they're taking off to space; set design too is gorgeous

-the scene where they first enter the ship and somebody throws a flare/the camera tilts is neat haha

-the little slip in of david's theme/music when the other android's talking about the black goo goOD

-hmmm thinking about it or maybe just me imagining the gore/body horror scenes (for the most part) felt kinda held back? (not talking about the uh wall vagina egg or the xenomorph aspects haha)

-like the scene where the wall egg is dripping blood on the guy

-I think what makes me fond of prometheus and covenant is the fact that they run around on these weird/dead planets and the whole thing with the engineers

-noticed similarities/mashups from the other movies in this one which isn't necessarily bad but it did break immersion a little or made me like 'oh! third act pregnancy like prometheus or a cargo hold battle sort of like covenant, or alien resurrection where the alien gets sucked out into space through that tiny hole

-idk how I feel about the offspring design, will need to watch/see it again; it's a little goofy hahah (again not a bad thing) but I do like that they have the engineer/marble statue alien face and how the hips were a bit off/twisted

-the part where it was grinning was creepy; also when it was hovering over the sister with the mouth retracting I thought they were gonna do a very strange/fucked up version of breastfeeding but it doesn't look like they did? or at least couldn't tell

-edit: oH according to reddit it did happen dfghjf plus they mentioned when she draws her hand of her shirt with weird goo on it

-also slappy slimy facehugger proboscis >:'D

-some of the action scenes reminded me a little of the alien movie that had the underwater alien fight scenes haha

-will need to rewatch in general (movie theatre audio/words getting eaten up in the sound + no subtitles) it's good but I think covenant and prometheus still win out for me

edit: this also makes me wanna go back and watch the movies in chronological or timeline order haha

[bumbldee]

Uncle Nikoli Au

Where Gristol was also mind wiped and was implemented into the Aquatos

As usual, read under cut for more ramblings. (send an ask if you wanna ask anything i love rambling)

PERSONALITY

Suprisingly very similar to how he is in canon, he comes off as pompous and egotistical, but it's mostly pretend to hide how insecure he is. Despite his pride, he cares deeply for his family and is somewhat of a people pleaser. Unlike the rest of his family, he downright just denies the existence of Psychics, but likes to humour them.

Fucking loves eggs, esp boiled eggs

RELATIONSHIPS

Absolute Mama's boy. Does everything he can to curry her favor.

Difficult relationship with Augustus, who he believes is the favored son, where Augustus thinks he is too pompous. He is on good terms with Donatella however, as they enjoy discussing about ideas for upcoming acts.

Seen as the silly uncle and somewhat respected by his nephews and nieces, however they aren't afraid of making fun of him. He let's them get away with a lot due to his spite for his brother.

TIMELINE JUNK

Alternating from events of the original timeline, Gristol was abandoned by his family when they fled + Lucrecia was his god mother. Ford was concerned due to reports of how Gristol was coping, and out of guilt he reconditioned Gristol, along with Agustus into believing Lucrecia was his mom, Agustus was his brother + forgetting about his old life.

Didn't get the Aquato prowess for acrobatics or strenchiness, was relegated to other jobs like creating props, concessions or sometimes clown duty (which he refused to do unless absolutely necessary). Very insecure about this.

A year before the start of Psychonauts 1, he began traveling the world due to feeling alienated from the family, like Nona he started feeling off, as in something was "missing" in his life. He would send post cards from where ever he was and might've done some marketing hehe

He comes back to stay with the family when he learnt Raz got into the Psychonauts, saying that he wanted to rest after traveling for a year and to support Raz's joining of the psychonauts. His family however does find his behavior quiet odd after traveling for so long.

He does definitely visit Grulovia during his travels and does figure out about Maligula / his past, problem is i don't know HOW he handles it, some ideas:

His care for his family outgrows his curiosity, he comes back but ignores what he learns, however Delguionists recognize that he is the missing heir to Grulovia's throne, they follow him to his family and research.

He secretly begins to work with Delugionists, because he feels betrayed and that he was "robbed" with wanting his throne back.

Has no interest in the throne , does research himself to get rid of Maligula, probably uses his stay with the family as an excuse to get close the Psychonauts to gain further information.

Either path, he is still absolutely shaken by learning about all this (obviously). He never forgives Ford but is confused on how to feel about Nona.

[the-s1lly-corner]

creepypastas of your choice being new parents (reader can be included or not, or the reader can BE the kid. either works)

Eyeless Jack, Slenderman, and Jeff as dads/dad figures

getting silly with it. last request in the inbox, might write some other stuff later today for myself but idk we'll see, admins feeling a little sleepy RAAAAAAH no real mentions of reader i think, just the characters being dads but there might be vague mentions of partners so you can imply that is reader. shrugs. i tend to write these notes before actually writing the post this was originally going to have laughing jack but then i got bummed out when i realized that jack would not make a good solo parent simply because hes too chaotic accidentally swapped from saying "the kid" to "you" midway through writing this but im too tired to fix it so uhuh im making it everyone elses problem/j

SLENDERMAN:

by default i think slenderman can be an okay dad and im purely basing this on the fact that i grew up on the 2010s era of the fandom where quotev quizzes and fics for the fandom were peak. i think in the beginning he would be a little lost, especially if hes going to be raising the kid alone. i mean hes a solitary creature that rarely connects with others, he knows knowing about raising a human child. and thats assuming the kid is even human. if he has a kid with a human reader, are they more human or more... creature..? are they a hybrid? how much of slendermans genetics carry over? can he even have children since admin personally thinks he was made by zalgo like all other demons in this timeline? many questions. protective and strict dad, makes sure the kid does their work and chores, but makes sure he doesnt raise a pushover... definitely hostile towards anyone who harasses the kid, be it bullying or generally just being a douchebag. i think if hes the sole parent he raises them in the woods and teaches them things himself. doesnt bother with putting the child through schooling, theyre a child of the woods now babey!!/hj

look at it this way the kid is really self sufficient and can survive in the wilderness for an extended period of time and they know how to kick butt, assuming they also grow up with his proxies. yeah.. thats going to be interesting... would they see them as uncles or as sibling or family friends? its anyones guess. bonus father figures!!

EYELESS JACK:

also does not know what hes doing. i think i wrote somewhere that jack would put the baby in a carrier and walk around with them in the woods. maybe even showing them different animals and plants even if he knows that the kid cant understand him. definitely a case where hes going to need someone else to help him, be it his partner if theyre still around, or someone else... naturally its going to be harder to find someone to help him if his partner is out of the picture for one reason or another. main reason because that jack is... oh you know, literal man eating demon who sometimes goes into blind feeding frenzies if he gets hungry enough + he tries to put off feeding for as long as possible because it literally means taking a life and he still has his humanity in there. not going to say it out right but i think you guys can put two and two together and understand why jack is wary about having a small child hanging around his cabin. also he wants the kid to be able to grow up around other people. its unlikely, since the other person is likely going to be another creepypasta character because any normal person would rat him out... but he might also want the kid to have a 'normal' upbringing. lots of feelings here for him. kind of like a tired dad, between juggling the child and the things going on with him is really going to do a number on him. giggling at the idea of him trying to get slender to help him esp since i hc they have weird territorial beef going on

JEFF THE KILLER:

actually has a decent grasp of how to treat them but thats because he had liu/was an older brother. the dynamic is less father child and more so older brother younger sibling. probably lets you have a fair amount of free reign; he doesnt really strike me as a strict guardian. probably forgets to pick you up from soccer practice/j ....actually wait no i can kind of see him actually doing that on accident. tries to make it up to you by giving you treats because he does kind of feel bad for leaving you behind. you remind him a lot of his brother. im still torn on whether or not liu is still alive in my silly au but imagine hes not and he kind of. tries to raise you good and treat you well to make up for everything that happened. jeff with some level of mental clarity after the height of everything hits me in a weird sad way i can quite describe. like dont get me wrong hes still the knife wielding dude hes usually written as, but hes a little.. just a tiny bit mellowed out. just a tad.. side note i fully blame the idea of jeff being remorseful over murdering liu from a fic that had a chokehold on me in middle school so oooo... you probably know/interact with ben through jeff since theyre good friends. jumping into my personal hc/au jeff carries ben around in a phone since bens usually confined to electronics and they grew up together. obviously jeff outgrows ben because. you know ghosts dont grow up. so imagine you start becoming best friends with ben and ben is just. SPILLING so much old stuff on jeff, mostly dumb stuff jeff did and him being a jackass. idk i just think thats funny. its like when you suddenly get dad lore but instead of getting it from your dad you get it from dads ghost best friend

[wrongcaitlyn]

guys... i just wanted to add a few notes to the end notes because i forgot about them... and for the first time... i have RUN OUT of room in the end notes. WHAT THE FUCK??? i honestly didn't realize that could happen... and it's like. over 1000 characters over the limit. anyway, i'm gonna add those notes right here, and then add them to the beginning notes of next chapter:

for sadie's age, my instinct was to make her younger than nico, seeing as she's like 12/13 in the books, so around kayla's age- HOWEVER then i looked up the timeline, and im pretty sure she's 12 during the time of ttc? so like two years older than nico in canon? not that they ever interact, but anyway, i decided on a decent medium and made her just slightly older than nico. then i also widened the age gap between carter and sadie, just because i wanted to have him traveling more and figured he couldn't do that much of it during undergrad (?? i dont know a lot about archaeology im SORRYSDJFD) SO he's like. 22/23 ish. and sadie's 20. for reference nico is 19 and percy/annabeth are around 24 now i think? yep that sounds about right. ages get a bit confusing around here, esp with the biggest change- making meg much older, but im just going with what i think works best with the fic, seeing as im pulling a bunch of characters from several different series!! either way, kayla and sadie will still be besties despite the four year age gap bc dyed hair girls are iconic (says me, a dyed hair girl, thank you very muchSDKLF)

that's pretty much all i had to say (i think) but who knows if im forgetting anything else right now. i tend to do that when it comes to end notes, and i had to pack a lot in there this chapter- so anyways, just wanted to put that out there!

[bcolfanfic]

hi hi! I would love to hear all the angst that happens during the time period where Bucky is drinking again and the build up to the intervention. Did Bucky struggle with drinking before this? How does he act when he’s drunk? How does buck react if Bucky tries to initiate anything intimate when he is drunk(if he ever does) does Bucky ever resort to other substances to cope? Does Gale feel ‘angry’ with Bucky for drinking to cope instead of coming to him for help, if so how does he deal with those em? Does he lash out or go self deprecating? Thank was a lot sorry! But I would love to hear your thoughts on literally any of these things or whatever you have thought about this time period so no pressure at all ofc!! I just absolutely love this au it’s so special to me 🫶🏻

lmao re: other substances i have a 'in my head wip' thing about *gale* having a bit of a pill problem. and rachel and i gave kenny that issue too once. poor boys </3 but re: bucky in my head he just sticks to alcohol. i think he has some issues with paranoia re: his ptsd and that something like taking pills or other drugs is just too shrouded in what ifs that drinking alcohol from the store isn't y'know?

timeline wise i think he was always *susceptible* to having a drinking problem but knew that to the extent that he kinda harm reductioned himself? drank quite often, got *drunk*, but esp being with gale was pretty good about having limits and sticking to them. which becomes shakier post-suicide attempt when he's picking up the pieces from a months long mental breakdown. starts to feel like it's all less scary to deal with if he's more "loosened up"- which is what starts the more for-emotional-comfort drinking ie: keeping a flask on him or around him almost 24/7.

my experience with alcoholism comes from someone i know really well- and the thing with them was that outside of like nighttime party drinking they could be drinking heavily during the day and about 75% of the time you wouldn't be able to tell if you didn't know them. when it's a habit like that you learn how to Function to hide the problem which i think bucky is pretty good at at least to begin with. plus he's always been more of a loose canon personality sober too, so to put it bluntly just ~being a little weird~ isn't necessarily a red flag.

but gale *does* know him, better than anyone so he does pick up on it eventually. which is hard at first because he *wants* to be wrong so so badly that he tries to brute force convince him he is. and then he finds a flask that john had hidden somewhere and the lying to himself about this being a capital p Problem gets a whole lot harder </3 doesn't even know how to bring it up because even though this is obviously /bad/ john is doing miles better than he was before his attempt. less nighttime episodes, less depression fatigue, seems a lot happier generally speaking. which gives gale so many conflicting feelings because it's different than the alcohol issues his dad had but. still issues. but not as bad so maybe its fine right? right?

i had a 'in my head wip' thing a while ago about john going out with some local buddies and getting a little 'lost along the way' getting back. ends up calling gale slurring his words begging to be picked up, which gale of course does but. poor john is a mess. needs quite a bit of help to get in the house, gets sick and now he *is* starting to remind gale of his dad which makes him itch so bad.

is so apologetic too when gale is helping him clean up and get into different clothes so he can sleep- and i think that's the only situation he'd really try to initiate something when drunk under. just feels so vulnerable and guilty and wants gale to kiss it better </3 kills gale to see him upset too when he has to reject him but just kinda. squeezes the back of his neck tells him not now and keeps chugging on getting him into bed so he can sleep.

coping wise i think gale goes right into self-deprecating mode. gets a bit angry during the whole debacle when they're in new york and john gets into that fight with croz and brady, because all their friends now know what's going on and he's embarrassed. but otherwise is real internal about it all. feels like he failed at Fixing him like he was supposed to and that they're never going to be truly settled/there's always going to be Something. which is also hard itself because he's so used to their life just being. like that. that he gets somewhat resigned too. even when curt is trying to push him on the intervention thing after the new york incident he has to pull teeth a little to get him on board because gale is just well. well it might not work /: it's fine i can handle him, i always have /:

couples therapy. couples therapy for everyone lmao but in all seriousness i do think this pushes them there once john is actually one foot in front of the other on the sobriety road. something they probably should've done after john's attempt to begin with it but they were a little in lalaland re: if john is okay gale will be okay and then we're both okay (: thinking.