#esp bc i was planning to get it done in an hour and spend the rest of the afternoon trying to write lmao

[byanyan]

ㅤㅤ" you ever see a guy an' just... wanna put his neck under your boot? like, y'don't know 'im, y'don't know anything about 'im, but y'can tell that someone needs t' snap that fucker in half? "

[our-queer-experience]

Sorry for shoving this rant-like mess in your ask box, so feel completely free to ignore it if you want. I'm mainly looking for advice but if you don't want to/can't give any that's perfectly fine (and I'm aware I'm not entitled to your time or a response).

I'm in high school (junior) and don't have a car or job. I live in the suburbs and don't have the means of getting anywhere unless my parents drive me, but I'm planning on getting my driver's license this summer, so I'll be able to go to in-person demonstrations, events, and protests. I'm also hopefully going to get a after-school job during my senior year. So basically, as of right now I don't have the means to donate to mutual aid requests nor am I able to do much outside of school. Im in my schools anti-hate club thing, but all we do is hang up anti-bullying posters, organize fundraisers, and plan assemblies (so all in-school related activities that don't have much consequence on larger problems). I'm in a very privileged position, being a middle class white person so I know I should be doing more to help. I was wondering if you had any suggestions on what I can do to better help the people around me/be a "good person"? I put together a spreadsheet a while back that I've been reworking in my free time to try and calculate how much money I could put towards mutual aid when I get a job in different situations (whether I make $13, $14, or $15 + whether or not I am enrolled in my local community college + whether or not I live on my own. I haven't planned any further than that), and have roughly concluded that I'll, hopefully (assuming my math isn't wrong and assuming my assumptions come true), be able to put forth $37-$184 per month in addition to attending demonstrations/protests/etc. But again, that's in the future, at least 5 months or so. For a few years now, I've been trying to at least educate myself and stomp out any internalized biases and bigotries and be a good ally to people I have privilege over, but there's always more to learn and I always feel like I'm missing something and being a shitty person. I understand there is no such thing as a perfect ally, but I'm always worried I'm doing something horribly wrong and I'm not even an imperfect ally (which, to be honest, I know I am because of my inaction). Even when I do start doing more via mutual aid and attending protests/demonstrations/etc, I feel like that's too little esp because I need to make up for my stagnation that I've had for the first 17 years of my life. For the past few years since I was like, idk, 13(?) when I became more "politically aware" or whatnot, I haven't really done anything other than reblog political posts and boost mutual aid requests. I read your post about ppl needing to do more bc that isn't enough (in relation to the UK passing a large anti-trans bill) so now I've been spending basically all my time thinking about ways to do better. I've spent the last 2 hours (it's now past 6am, whoops) trying to reword this ask to be less emotionally charged and trying to avoid coming off like "the reason I'm not a good person is because I can't be a good person :(((." I promise that that's not how I'm trying to come off. I've been trying to put a guide together for myself so I can be a better person, but I'm honestly really struggling with it because I'm always thinking about how I am undoubtedly missing something/there's no way I can be perfect/there might be someone who I otherwise agree with and respect over their beliefs and actions who might think I'm a horrible person/there might be inherent flaws in my logic/I might be completely missing the mark entirely with my entire belief system. Which, in all, is causing me to write this ask to try and get some advice.

Basically, overly complicated backstory out of the way, I was wondering if you had a guide or just general advice on what I should be doing, both now and in the future? If you see something wrong with my line of thought, please please please correct me (if you want) but also please be nice about it (as long as you believe I'm deserving of that respect. If I'm being completely bigoted and completely off the mark I'm aware im not entitled to that respect and it's completely fair if you want to cuss me out).

Thanks for taking the time to read this/sorry for the hassle.

i guess you have to stop looking at it like being a good persona and think more about what you can do for the world you live in. i get upset a lot about how performative a lot of activism is, but it already sounds like youre doing things in your local community. spreading awareness IS super important, your club does fundraisers, and you dont need to spend your money on causes like this. its encouraged and amazing but its not the end all be all, either.

i would highly recommend continuing to work in your local community. if you have anywhere local that needs help, like a rape crisis center or a homeless shelter, raising money or volunteering or donating what they need is always appreciated. you cant always fix everything elsewhere, but we can all try to fix things around us, and thats important too.

overall, wanting to get more engaged is super admirable! keep with that attitude and stay cool

[p1oscar]

angst in the carhop AU ?

the pressure from race wins and WDC points gets to lando and oscar and they break up mid season , how does reader cope with this/ work around it esp with lando and oscar living in texas and her living with them ? is she responsible for them getting back tg or do their trainers and friends get in on it ? maybe lan is visiting one day and she misses calls from oscar and he shows up but lando is there and he gets jealous?

-🪼🪼🪼

omg breaking up with each other and not her... how do they do it? mclaren drivers fighting each other for the championship? multi 21 moment? where are they when they do it? how do they tell her? do they ask her to pick one or do they know they're just going to have to work out something so they can both keep seeing her? what does it mean for their future? so many thoughts...

lets talk living situation since you said they live together. they're rich enough to have multiple properties and it's good for investment reasons and shit. monaco is a tax shelter and because irl he lives there, i think lando would maintain residency there rather than legally move to america because of that. oscar would probably keep his place in the uk bc irl he hasn't moved anywhere that i know of. so post break-up, they'd both go back to their old places when the other is at the home in texas. they're not home very often anyways so it's not the biggest change. (does any of that make sense?) she does her best to spend equal time with each of them like switching who she talks to on the phone every night and who comes over on non race weekends.

i think at first, she wouldn't meddle. they're together constantly so they can talk and work things out on their own when they're ready. she believes they'll work it out on their own. she would want to, especially during nights where she's listening to one of them rant about the other. sometimes they're angry over a race result, that the other got an upgrade and they have to wait, etc. and she's pretty sure they're going to run each other off track the next time they race. other times, they're just sad and apologetic, and that's when she has hope they'll make up with each other.

she thinks about trying to trap them, make plans with both of them to come home so they have to sit and listen to her. but she's scared that'd piss one or both off, and that's the last thing she wants. there's just too much tension during the season for anything to be resolved. they'd interact when needed for work, interviews, and promo, but keep the interactions limited. they try to talk but they're both still angry about a lot of things, so they're just running in circles until they give up again.

then, winter break rolls around. lando has all these big plans to go skiing and mountaineering with his friends and invites reader but she can't suddenly take weeks off work without notice. she gets a couple of days off around the holidays and agrees to fly out then, but she's working on a big project and can't go jet-setting around the world with him. he understands and they'd make plans to talk every other night like usual and they're counting down the days until they see each other again. oscar's not that type though, got no plans other than to see her as much as possible. as soon as the last race is over and his media duties are done, he's flying back to her.

when lando calls her, oscar leaves the room to give them privacy and she doesn't tell lando he's there, a habit from the season when they always knew the other was there because they weren't. lando takes his absence from their calls as a sign that oscar isn't there and halfway through a ski trip decides to head back home, to her. his friends are understanding, wish him a safe flight and hours later he's unlocking the front door after getting dropped off. it truly doesn't occur to him that just because she didn't mention oscar, it doesn't mean he's not there. he hears them laughing as he kicks the door shut, he can tell they're in the den and it's close enough that they hear the door close and go quiet. he can hear murmured voices, did you hear that? was that a door? is someone here?

he wishes that he'd checked before flying all the way out. he’s not angry anymore, but he saw oscar leaving the track right after the race and heard he was flying home from someone in the garage and assumed that meant the uk, but now he knows it was here. he also assumed oscar didn’t want to talk to him and that’s why he rushed out, before lando even had the opportunity. he’d spent his break thus far fretting about texting him and seeing if they could meet up to talk, he hasn’t even had time to think about what he would say and now that he’s confronted with it, he doesn’t know what to do or say.

before he can figure out what to do, oscar's stepping into the hall with a baseball bat before freezing, "oh, you're not a burglar." he sounds more bored than relieved if anything, like he was excited to use it.

lando just laughs, "were you- did you plan to take down a burglar with a bat?"

reader comes scrambling from the other room as oscar is inspecting the bat, “lando’s here? did i hear him hating on my bat? i'll have him know my aunt gifted me that and she used it three times, so it definitely works."

the absurdity of it all sends oscar and lando reeling, the idea of an aunt of hers attacking three burglars with an old wooden bat. reader just standing there wondering what is so funny like, "i'm serious. there are dents in it, look!" they laugh even harder, oscar drops the bat to the ground in favor of clutching his stomach. reader picks it up with a huff and stashes it back in the closet. when they finish laughing, most of the tension is gone. it's a little awkward, but lando just says, "i didn't know you were here." and oscar replies, "i didn't know you were coming, we ate all the pizza already." the statement eases lando's worries a bit, like if he'd known he would have saved him some. he doesn't know what that means, but it means something to him.

they just avoid the topic for a bit. oscar and reader tell him there's leftover take out in the fridge and go back to the living room and cozy back up on the couch like they had been. lando eats left overs from the fridge from the arm chair and they catch him up on the show they just started before playing the next episode. lando tells them about the ski trip he was on and the mountain he summitted. eventually, reader falls asleep on oscar and when the episode finishes he gets up to carry her to bed. oscar asks if he's coming to bed before he leaves the room and lando knows things will be okay after they talk.

they're both up before she is the next morning, neither could sleep well with the impending conversation on their minds. lando gets up first when he can’t fall back asleep and deems it early enough to go for a run to clear his head. oscar wakes up sometime after that and sees lando's gone, but before he can worry that lando's left, he notices the open dresser and clothes tossed around and knows he's still around somewhere.

he's cooking breakfast when lando comes home, a full spread of bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, french toast. mostly to give himself something to occupy the time, and something to focus on while he waits for lando to return from wherever. lando wants to talk as soon as he gets home, still sweaty and panting from his run. oscar offers him a glass of water when he sees the state of him and lando gulps it down. before oscar can ask if he wants a refill, lando starts apologizing for everything on his part. every time oscar tries to interrupt, lando cuts him off with a, “wait, i’m almost done!” even though all oscar wants to do is say everything is forgiven and he’s sorry too, and also that he doesn’t need an itemized list of all the things lando is sorry for.

reader wakes up to them joking around while finishing up breakfast and she’s a little anxious going into the kitchen, unsure if they’re avoiding the topic and playing nice for her safe or if they talked finally. oscar sees her walk in and makes his way over to greet her, she gives him a good morning kiss and tries not to wonder if lando’s upset or jealous watching them. before she can think too hard about it, lando’s whining that he didn’t get a kiss. reader thinks he’s whining about her, so does oscar, so they pull apart and she makes grabby hands at lando and coos, “come give me a kiss then” and he mumbles, “meant oscar, but i’ll take what i can get.”

[marsixm]

touch wood bc im always crashing and burning on shit like this but lately ive been somewhat remembering to keep up with a bunch of positive habits ive been trying to stick to for years.

ive noticeably been off my phone, my screen time is way down from last week, and the effects are def being felt. like all the shit where i was always feeling like i had no time, well, actually i do if im not spending a bunch of time distracted by twitter lmao

i know putting it down to one or even two things is too simple but i feel like a bunch of stuff has had a domino effect lately of positive changes adding up. i no longer am hosting people i didnt wanna host at my place, its not unbearably hot outside, im feeling way more secure in my relationships, im feeling confident due to noticeable skill improvements, and all those things are compounding each other and helping me maintain a lot of baseline stuff (mostly cleaning) which is then making me feel even better and able to do more of the stuff i often put off

4 example i finally made an appointment for my next tattoo, finally contacted my apt place about fixing my washer, am actually doing my skin care routine, actually clipping the dogs nails more (tho that ones mostly on him for fighting me lmao), im trying to ease my way back into reading too

a couple changes that are helping are, for one, i changed my morning routine up so i have like 20 minutes before making breakfast to start nursing my cup of coffee while i check my computer, respond to messages, and kinda mentally prep for the day, also instead of having either pure silence im trying to fill with picking out some other youtube video or being on my phone or whatever, im trying to just turn the tv on and let it play american dad (or whatever show ive already seen a million times) which i know sounds like it should be distracting but for me its not, and i really realized that recently that of course it would feel normal to just have the tv running thats literally how i grew up for my entire childhood and adolescence- im also giving myself my specific time for listening to music and time for listening to podcasts, and for podcast-esque yt vids, again everything towards having less mental hangups while trying to get other stuff done, AND im giving myself time to actually catch up on things like podcasts (im up to taz graduation now) which is also handy for not using data in my car, i actually set myself on a 5gb/month plan and this past month i had a whole gigabyte left over! + im amble to stick to the skin care routine better, for example, bc i realized just bc its a before bed skin care routine doesnt mean i have to do it RIGHT BEFORE bed, ie when im fucking sleepy and also dont want my face to feel weird & distracting. like i can do it a couple hours before, even, esp if im not going out. also this is either gonna sound silly or totally reasonable but ever since i got back into elden ring, the feeling its giving me of facing obstacles, getting defeated, but getting back up and trying harder and winning is like genuinely doing so many positive things for my self esteem and brain chemistry right now. also timers! i love timers! having an idea of how long something is taking me, or giving myself a predetermined block of time to do something, or just to nudge me to remind me what i was up to, super helpful

anyway im kinda going thru a transitional period rn bc im improving on a personal level a lot but my social life is kinda whacked out due to communication breakdowns and one of the key people moving states this week, but at the same time im also much more secure in my ability to socialize and bridge gaps and be there for people so its a very mixed bag but im trying to not just survive but thrive right now

[horizon-verizon]

A lot of fics characterize Daemon as someone who would struggle to tell Rhaenyra he loves her but I actually think he probably was always telling her that and giving her compliments in Valyrian. In F&B it says he would spend hours with her reading her Valyrian poetry and telling her tales. I think he was probably very comfortable expressing love verbally. What do you think?

I don't think it's a guarantee that he was able to freely verbalize his emotions when they aren't angry, sarcastic, or about challenging people. We're talking emotional vulnerability versus action, and for a lot of people, these don't come with each other for a matrix of reasons.

Daemon romantically loved her....that doesn't mean that if someone loves you and shows so, they're going to say so. At the same time, we know that people have often done and said romantic things (esp men) to just get others in their beds for a bit or a "night", doesn't mean they actually love them. Victorian or earlier courtships in of themselves can't also be said to come from a place of love or intended to fall in love when often there were economic transactions being made simultaneously or anticipated.

Back to Daemon and people who act like those fanfic versions of him you describe:

A)

Doing romantic things versus naming the reason/motivation for why they do them and thus affirming that motivation are two very different things (for them). Bc when they are verbally acknowledging that motivation ("love"), they feel they either have finally, fully devoted themselves to the bond they've created OR that they will begin to be in a relationship of obligations they do not want. For the long haul.

That they will take on all or most of the emotional-social responsibilities of looking after that person's emotional well being even if it may mean having to put oneself back in some ways and thus risk getting hurt or losing something(s) else, whether that may mean respect from one's other peers, wealth, other relationships platonic, familial, or otherwise. That they will hold themselves accountable for wrongs they've committed and work toward being compatible with their partner through any and most changes they will encounter. "I love you", to them, is a pledge or a seal more than an acknowledgement. And sometimes, this reluctance to affirm devotion even to oneself is accompanied by people who are more action driven OR have had some issues of abandonment or heavy disappointed form past loved one and thus saying that you "love" someone is like giving them access to material they can belittle or use against you. Again, family, romantic, or otherwise Or from said verbal affirmations being treated as worthless. Which then could become a disbelief or rejection of that sort of love's existence at all...but it's also kinda denial that's meant to shield them from truly tying themselves to people while still benefiting from the practice of intimacy itself (it's a little complex). Why commit if it's going to be thrown at your face, and why anticipate or plan to say "I love you" when it isn't or may not actually even be true?

Daemon hits some of the boxes I mention: his family has disappointed him enough times. He's very action-driven. He expresses love mostly through actions--consider the 101 council that occurred bc he was willing to battle Corlys for Viserys' claim and raised a "band" of soldiers.

B)

Add in the context of his probably trying to entice Rhaenyra into a relationship so Viserys could be either/both embarrassed or be forced to marry Rhaenyra to Daemon, and while he may have sincerely enjoyed reading those poems and told those tales in 111 A.C., when he was basically picking up where he's been doing since she was a child but then making it more romantic, and we see he's been, as I said, ALSO trying to make himself more attractive to her and had an ulterior motive. Basically, it wasn't totally "fair play". There's definitely a major overlapping element of him trying to take back some control more than be totally romantic when he courted/gave gifts, read poems, etc. in 111 A.C. (I don't mention the gift-giving and attentions before this year, bc in all those, they were clearly just familial).

[soggypotatoes]

oooohhhhh I need to be looked after for a bit, so bad

I took over paying for things like groceries and electricity bc my housemate hasn't got an income, I'm on welfare but it's more than what he gets rn

also buying my other friend groceries and I got sick of the way their 'support' organisation is treating them so I've been calling and talking to their support worker to get her help bc I'm desperately worried abt her

housemate doesn't have spoons I think so I'm doing all this cleaning and organising and planning and tidying and taking on home maintenance, getting the sink and toilet fixed and cooking and dishes

im worried bc uni starts next week and his uni starts too so I think he'll be even more out of spoons so I gotta keep it up 💀 even tho uni will be very difficult this semester I think, I'm doing stats

I'm gonna help my friend as much as I can in the coming weeks, I know how to talk to people and get things done now, so I will use this power for good . but I am afraid of crashing and burning, NOT bc of them, but bc I don't know how to regulate the energy I'm spending.

I need more help around the house.. I do get help, my support workers are here a couple hours 4x a week, but it's still all me cleaning and organising and trying to fix things and getting to my appointments and I gotta sort out some health issues but not with uni starting soon... I'm not sure what to prioritise here 😅 I don't want to burn out and get upset..

all I rly want is to have a few hours of reading, but my mind gets so tired from remembering to remember things and noticing what needs to be done and what will be helpful and stuff

getting a head start on the life of a burned out single mum lmao

speaking of, my mum's been very helpful, she's especially jumping in to help my friend after I mentioned what was happening, but the other day she was really passive aggressive towards me and snapping at me so I think she resents me for how much money I cost her, which is fair but ouch..

esp cause I directly asked her if she resented me a month ago and she said no and reassured me.. but actions speak louder than words lol. I talked about how I'm running out of savings and she's like 'well you shouldn't be, I send you money' 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

friend might come over this weekend while my mum helps bug bomb her house and I'm trying to weigh helping vs trying to charge up some time for uni next week, but also. am I even gonna charge up energy regardless. I still have so much to do.

(friend if you happen to read this I'm helping you because I desperately want to and I'm so happy you reached out. doing these things makes me feel happy and enriched. just musing here.)

I just would love if someone independently was like. hh. I dunno. I don't even know what to want haha. I don't want to resent housemate for not being able to afford to chip in for groceries and bills and not having spoons to be proactive. I just want someone to think about what needs to be done for me, yknow? I think that's the hardest part, keeping it all in my brain and staying alert. that's why I can't focus enough to relax with my book. I have to watch everything and stay aware of what my next tasks are. I want someone to have their own list of tasks and to do them without me organising it and asking them with a plan already in mind...... like coming home and the table's cleared and the dishes are done...... fuuuyyyck

I might be in danger lol

[ecl1pse]

little over a week before my trip to mu uncle’s my best friend told me she had been taking care of little girl for a few hours when her mom told her the little was feeling unwell. they went to the hospital & tested positive for covid. i told her to get pcr test asap but she said she went home & wanted to wait & see if she got any symptoms beforehand. i said it was fine but just stay put in her room & not make any food for her family bc that was how i got my family sick back in jan. well, the day that i was traveling out of the city, right as i was finishing getting ready she called me to say she was feeling an itchy throat & had a headache.she said she was setting up the appointment for her test for the next day & i told her to again stay put until her results came in 48 hrs after. this would be on friday but she said she was planning on going back to help out w that little girl on monday bc she & her mom were feeling better. i got so pissed i told her i had to hang up & finish packing. i was already done packing but i was so mad i had write my part on message bc i knew if i continued the call o was going to scream at her & cause a fight. so i did that & she replied that the test wouldn’t matter bc she was going back anyways & the mom was fine bc she didn’t care abt covid, hadn’t even gotten vaccinated. i didnt reply bc i was abt to board & i was growing livid + i had shit i had to be busy with instead of this. i think having those messages sitting in my inbox every time i went to reply to someone else bc i didn’t really enjoy my trip as much as i could have & it took me over two weeks to reply. but i knew i had to do it bc her birthday is tomorrow & i would feel horrible if i didn’t try to reach back again & idk… mend things before that. i just. i don’t know what else to say besides i’m surprised she’s letting herself be influenced by someone so irresponsible of her own children, so i messaged her that.

idk. i feel like i might be exaggerating things… but i mean, isn’t this kind of behavior why we can’t fucking get out of a pandemic??? i know it might be hypocritical of me considering i literally line up for two hours to cross the border like 3 times a week & spend at least 4 hrs in a store full of people. but at least i’m trying take precautions. i never take my mask off unless i’m drinking or waiting. no matter how hot i’m getting. i’m washing my hands every time i go back. i’ve been sleeping on a very tiny couch at home almost every night since i came home just in case, esp after i started getting a scratchy throat which was nothing bc im currently sharing a bed w my sister & i don’t want her to get sick.

again i dont know what to do & i don’t wanna end our friendship over this bc we’ve been friends for so long & really do care for her & i love her dearly. i want her to be well & healthy & happy so i was pushing her to at least make sure she had covid so she could take proper care of herself. the uncle i visited is a doctor w his own private practice in a low income area in monterrey & he told us so many sad stories while i was there that i wish i could have recorded him to show her later. cuz even tho we both are social recluses & our lives didn’t change much post this whole ordeal, it doesn’t mean that we should be treating it so lightly. or maybe i’m just being annoying & wanting to be right. i just don’t know

[alias-b]

Idk if you're done this already but you did it for your other couples, can we get a nsfw alphabet for Billy and Evie? Pretty pretty please💘

Oh my gosh!! You’re right, I haven’t done one for them!! Well let’s fix that right now, shall we?? And I’ll try to make it different from the Billy/Cam one but Billy is still Billy lol Okay! So here goes.

Dirty Alphabet for Billy Hargrove and Evie Fenny! My lovely plus size oc xoxo Thank you so much for asking!! 📌💝🍓💝

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

   Evie isn’t used to being touched so abrasively and Billy is the overstimulation king!! She might get a little shy in the lazy post-sex haze as everything sets in, but they’ll sorta of curl into each other and cling bc they’re both super overwhelmed and unable to look at each other sometimes.

   She tries to hold Billy a lot and it takes him some getting used to bc he’s conditioned to sexual and violent touch only. Billy is a Super Tease and will run his fingertips and mouth over her skin bc his girl is Extra Sensitive and he loves the way she whines and shivers and squirms. Chances are he’ll try to initiate another round.😘

   After being together a bit, it’ll be easier to deal with all the emotions and spoon afterward tho! Evie will start to cover his face, neck, and chest in kisses and he’ll mirror it until they’re twisting together and curling up to sleep. Stage five clingers.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

   Evie’s been caught staring at Billy’s muscled thighs....a lot. So LOWKEY them. She loooooooves to straddle his big hard thigh and maybe ride it during make outs. He’s all encouragement. Also his hands are to DIE for and his sensitive neck. Prime kissy places for Evie to ravish him and it always catches him off guard.

   Billy actually has trouble choosing as he gets to know her body, he loves to just look at her and run his hands along all her soft curves and make her feel like a goddess bc she deserves it. As much as he loves being flashed, Billy is a hips/ass guy. Loves to grab her and dig his fingers into her skin and position her however he likes. Loves to also rest his cheek on her inner thigh when he’s teasing as they’re lying together. Also likes to spank and pinch her tushy anytime he likes. Esp in public she she gets all squealy and red in the cheeks.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

   Billy is so gross. We’ll start there.

   Boy will cum on her tits and lick it off and massage her flesh and gather it to make her suck it off his fingers too. He’ll eat her out after coming inside her and let her p much spit into his mouth after she blows him.

He does not give a Fuck. Also seeing his cum leak out of her when she’s all fucked out and wet and puffy...that’s hot. He will cum on anything and he wants to blow his load on her tits so bad. He also doesn’t like to wash his hands after fingering her and will spend time after just licking his digits clean. He grOSS.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

  Evie thinks about Billy fucking her in public places a lot when they’re out and about and she will NEVER admit to how much she thinks about sex with him even in their early days when they quarreled lol

   Billy doesn’t keep a lot of dirty secrets bc he’s just gonna tell Evie his every depraved thought. But!! He wants to make nasty porn with her so bad. Photos esp so he can keep her in a little box in his dresser maybe with something she wore once that was lacy. He wants pics of her in lingerie. Naked. Spread. Fucked. Every which way. The boy will pay for it.

   ***Also.....he has a couple explicit fantasies he doesn’t share.... One having to do with just gross “i caught you, now I get to fuck you as hard as I want” sex between them. Another and the bigger one...I think he fantasized once about her pegging him.....and being dominating him super hard by Evie. He wants to be bratty af and have her to step on him basically.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

   Billy has Mucho Experience. Almost too much to the point of he has to work harder to figure out what Evie likes and get out of his head lmao Evie has had a few past relationships and she likes sex and is getting more comfortable with it so there isn’t a huge difference!!

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

   Billy likes to be on top bc he’s such a show off. He doesn’t know this about Evie yet but....she also wants to be on top bc she’s a control freak. So that’ll be funny when they actually get down to bizness. But, I think Billy later learns quick that watching her ride him is so hot. Gripping her hips and bucking to meet her and sitting up to bit her neck or suck titty. Ooohh, he’ll adore it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

   They laugh a lot!! In heated moments of emotion, they’ll go quiet and serious, but Billy and Evie both like to have fun during sex. They like to joke and roll around. Billy is a pornstar who NEVER shuts up so he’s spinning dirty lines and she’ll roast him for it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

   Carpet and drapes match! Billy is expertly groomed and trimmed nicely. He looked pretty and golden and immaculate down there. Annoying. Evie actually does some trimming and what not to look cleaner down there, but she’s hairier than him and he doesn’t mind! They’re both all about hygiene and perfumes and lotions and oils so they’re p fresh all the time. Although, I’m p sure Evie will complain when she blows him and tastes his cologne and tells him to ease up on that lmao

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

   Billy is superrr into body worship which just gives Evie crazy whiplash. He takes time to marvel at her and appreciate her and she’s NOT used to that and gets super blushy and almost can’t look at him. Being a bigger girl, she’s still on that self comfort journey and he’s happy to assist! He’s super grabby and touchy and they both are all about kissing everywhereee.

   On Evie’s end, she gets so soft with him and he’s overwhelmed a lot by that. Her kissing his wrists and cheeks and holding him. Massaging him and running her fingers down his back. Billy really needs time to get used to it and she’s fine with that.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

   Hell yeah. They actually love to watch each other get off. Phone sex was the tip of the iceberg. Although, Billy does say that if he had it his way, she wouldn’t get herself off and instead she’d come to him and let him make her come when she wants it. Possessive boi.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

   It startles her at first, but Evie looooves when Billy picks her up and drags her all over the bed. She didn’t think he could and he took that as a dare to heart and he lifts more and she feels his muscles BULGE and loves it. Watching him work out super turns her on and they usually end up having gross sex before he can finish if she’s there to watch. Which Billy loves being watched by her xx He’s gonna eat her out on that weight bench too, mark my words.

   He also, as mentioned before, has a Super praise kink. He’s goal is to make Evie louder in bed. He wants her to talk too & maybe order him around a bit. He loves being on his knees, pushing her skirt up, holding her thighs in place before he starts to teasingly eat her while she still as her panties on. Also bonus points if they’re being sexual and teasy in a public or semi public spot.

   Also Billy wants to fuck her tits so bad. I said it sorta before, but I’m saying it againnnn.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

   Billy: Anywhere. Literally anywhere. I don’t give a Fuck. 💦

   Evie gets more adventurous with him, but she likes just being in an empty house so they can be loud. Lowkey, I think Billy enjoys the thrill of someone being home bc it’s cute watching Evie try to be quiet while he pleasures her. He might help her out by stuffing his fingers in her mouth *wink wink*

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

   Billy is always revved up tbh. Seeing Evie do anything, he can make it sexual. It’s the Brain Sex Rot. Evie starts to feel it in the air if he keeps just looking intently at her. They eye fuck a lot.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

   Evie is okay with being held down but no like ropes or anything. Neither will be spanked by belts. Hands only. Billy will never hit her in the face too and she wouldn’t be into that either. Also Evie’s never ever gonna be into food play, it’d make her wildly uncomfortable.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

   Billy already rubbing his hands together planning his tongue’s assault on Evie’s clit. He is shamelessly and proudly into giving oral and will spend all the time he needs down there making her his. Billy’s “get what he wants move” usually starts with kissing up her thigh and then some. 👅 Finally, for him, he wants Evie to sit on his face so bad, it’ll take some time to get there tho

   Evie mentioned this, but she actually really likes to give skilled head. They both are hair pullers so that works too. xx Evie wants to hold his hips and kiss his pretty thighs and let him fuck her mouth against something. Billy’s so sweet to about it, always making sure she’s comfortable, praising her, and kissing her after with tongue.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

  I think this just depends on the mood!! More likely to be fast and rough. When they get slow and sensual, emotions spike and overwhelm and sometimes that’s just too much to handle.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

   Evie isn’t the biggest fan of quickies bc she likes to be able to relax and clean up properly afterward. Billy disagrees bc he’s a dirty little dick pig and he’ll take her to pound town any hour of the day. 💞

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

   Oh, they deffo will take risks and experiment!! They’re young and horny and super into each other. Go raw.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

   Billy has some wild stamina that Evie doesn’t always match. With his coaxing and encouragement, she might be able to go a couple rounds. But, I think Evie wants like crazy foreplay and then one amazing sex round and then cuddling. Whereas Billy can have his insatiable nights and try to work a couple climaxes out of her. However he wont push and this works out fine bc they can also wake each other up with sex during the night too!! 😉

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

   Evie and Heather deffo bought toys together and used them and called each other after like “girl hfjhkejr!!!” lmao. Billy prefers to just be the toy himself bc of his Boy Pride. I think Spencers will be a fav store of my teens when Starcourt opens....... But, Billy would like to use toys on Evie like he’s performing an exorcism and I mentioned this but......someone peg this bratty boy.....

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

   Billy Hargrove is such a shit. He’s constantly trying to tease is pretty plush gf, but I think he underestimates how hard she can match him so they’ll end the night tearing each other up.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

   Evie always tries not to make too much sound, until Billy makes it his mission to stop all of that. He’s pornographically loud and longs for Evie to match that. If he can get her to cry out while she’s holding back...that makes him V Happy.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

   Evie likes lingerie and cute matching undergarments even if no one sees it. She likes feeling the lace under her clothes and that naughty thrill like she has a secret. She’s a big girl and she dresses for HERSELF. Also, I’ve done this before.....leaving lipstick kisses on Billy’s clothing and skin. He does not try to wash it off lmao he adores being marked by his gf. Lastly, Billy is totally a biter and he wants to sink his teeth into her chest and ass so bad.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

   Imma just leave this here bc Billy is mad fat and he knows it and he walks around like he is so everyone else knows it.

   Evie’s so shy at first with him, bc he looks like Apollo and he hasn’t been with a big girl and she has boobs and tummy and thighs and love handles and she gets worried about angles but Billy is so keen to touch her, that a lot of her fears melt away.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

   Big Huge. They’re nasty. Evie is not exempt from this bc she is as bad as him even if she pretends like she isn’t. Girls can be dick pigs too just as much as boys and she is NOT that stereotype fat girls often get being a super shy virgin type.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

   Unless they’ve been going a long time, they both actually stay up for a bit after. ((I think they both just have sleep issues anyways.)) Either spooning or talking or getting up to finish the day lol but they really enjoy lying there together and fighting to stay awake so they can chat and enjoy each other’s company before falling asleep all cozy and secure. That’s what they really get out of each other is security. 💘💘💘 

**This was so much fun!!! And I’m always happy to take horny asks or requests for Billy & Evie. You never know what I can put into the fic or what I can make a smutty one shot out of. Thank you!!!

[angeltrapz]

helo beloved mutual connor, im sorry ur goin thru it rn but i come bearing asks n a heart emoji (💗): bcuz i have had this thought floatin around for a lil bit, wld love 2 hear ur takes on an Adam/Eric/Mallick (+ Art too if u want!) road trip vacation! how long wld they go, do they get motels or camp or just sleep in th car? whats everyone's favorite road trip snack? what sorta shit do they like 2 stop for? (weird tourist traps like giant balls of yarn etc, small town main street stores, cool looking restaurants, nature sites, Actual Destinations, so on n so forth!)

fjkdsd thank u beloved mutual adam,,, <3

ohhh I love tht idea!! road trip fics/hcs are one of my weaknesses,,

but um!! I rly like the idea of th four of them going camping a few hours up north!! (we... don't rly know where. SAW is set so just. imagine a vaguely rural campground lmao. I'm used to camping in th upper peninsula of MI so) it's smth tht Art did a lot w his family when he was growing up, so he's th most familiar w it - Eric went a few times as a kid too, Mallick went Once, n Adam has never rly been camping, w his family or otherwise (he's slept on a trampoline at one of his friends' houses once tho). Art is p excited abt it tbh, it's not exactly smth he gets 2 do often so he's got this whole list planned of things he wants 2 show them!!

it's easiest 2 just take a week in late August, bc they can head back home on a Friday n have the weekend to settle n readjust b4 th coming week + they have to go back 2 work. so they head out around ten on a Monday morning 2 kind of get ahead of th traffic (or at least try to). Art drives both bc he insists and bc he knows they can switch if he needs to, which he does later w Eric. it's a good couple hours (at least 3) b4 they get 2 th campground Art wants to take them to, so clearly it is Music Time + Adam made sure 2 bring CDs! a lot of that time is just spent vibing 2 th music and singing very, very loudly (ESP on Adam + Mallick's end). Art's up front like u three are so fucking goofy (affectionate), but eventually he starts singing too lmao.

Mallick starts th Colour Game, where they try 2 find a car fr every colour of th rainbow. it's smth Eric is familiar w as well bc he used 2 play it w Daniel sometimes, and it's good until they come to purple bc how often do u see purple cars??? so Adam's just like "we're not gonna find pink either" n tht's when this fucking pink pickup truck (noticeably spray-painted, + not done well) passes them n Adam just groans n thumps his head against th window. Mallick is like, trying rly hard not to laugh by pressing a hand over his mouth + Art is biting his lip, but Eric is very openly cackling bc "u see what happens when u assume???" (he gets a very light slap 2 th shoulder but it's still very gentle)

ANYWAY. favourite snacks!! Adam can eat Way Too Many Sour Patch Kids. sour anything, actually, as long as it's candy. yes his tongue hurts and no he doesn't regret it. Eric just gets goldfish bc he tends 2 get a lil carsick + bc it's a food tht's familiar n comforting, n he doesn't rly want 2 be eating anything Too heavy (he's up front w Art, so he can sit by a window in case he needs some fresh air at any point). Mallick likes m&m's, but he switches fr cheez-its every once in a while bc he can only eat so much chocolate. Art likes those peanut-butter filled pretzel bites! he's also partial 2 animal crackers tho. they also bring a good amount of snacks/things they can b sure th four of them like, bc yeah there's a lil store abt a half hour away frm their campsite + they can go there to pick up things if they need 2, but it's easier 2 bring things they like, too. (there's also a mcdonald's in tht town n. they do go there at LEAST twice.)

th campsite they stay at has a lake + a beach, n one of Art + Adam's fave things 2 do is walk along it to see if they can find anything interesting! Mallick goes sometimes too, but mostly he stays w Eric bc Eric can't do tht fr as long as Adam + Art can (not tht he's resentful of it tho). he n Mallick chill on th beach w a blanket (it's kind of like. not necessarily sandy?) n just kinda sit against/lay on each other n read sometimes. Adam + Art come back 2 where they're set up to find them sleeping n Adam has never been more thankful he thought 2 bring his camera!!

on th second day Art + Mallick want 2 go swimming, so th four of them come back out to th beach, but Adam stays out of th water + Eric stays w him. they both know th water will be cold, even if it's late summer, n Adam rly doesn't like being in cold water ESP if it's over his head/he can't touch th bottom. fr Eric th cold can b kind of painful, so they chill n walk along th beach fr a little bit n just talk. Adam gets some good pictures n even gets some of Eric! he also does take a selfie of them, he can't help it. he gets a couple of Mallick + Art too. it's honestly such a nice thing fr them n it just feels like they can breathe easy, not having 2 worry abt looking over their shoulders constantly (tho they're all getting better abt that).

th third day they spend around th campsite to kind of unwind n relax. they might walk th beach a little bit again, but mostly they just sorta chill n walk some of th trails around the campground itself. when night falls they light a small bonfire (Mallick is still iffy around fire, understandably) n they sit around it in their folding chairs w th cupholders (Adam gets red, Eric has green, Art gets blue, + Mallick gets dark green) n make s'mores. they talk abt anything n everything until they're barely able 2 keep their eyes open, n then after making sure th fire is pretty much out they kinda just stumble into th tent n none of them r awake for very long after (they specifically got one tht cld comfortably hold th four of them).

fourth day!! they pack up n head into another little town about 45 minutes away; it's bigger than th one around th campgrounds. after they get situated in a motel room w two beds, they do some window shopping + going into lil stores that interest them! Adam def buys some niche graphic tees tht aren't going 2 make sense to anyone other than th four of them n he's delighted abt it. I like 2 think Eric gets a worry stone, specifically made out of rose quartz. Mallick too, but his is made of amethyst! he also gets a rly cool multicoloured jacket in a thrift store they duck into. Art gets a hoodie w th town's name on it n he's pretty happy w that. they get a few more lil things, just little knick-knacks while they're there, n then they have dinner in this lil diner they'd walked past earlier bc it's inexpensive + the atmosphere is very lowkey n honestly just Nice. there's not a bunch of ppl, the servers r rly kind n the lights aren't too bright, which Eric rly appreciates. it's such a tender moment bc they're squeezed into a booth, Adam + Mallick on one side n Art + Eric on th other, n they're talking n laughing n stealing bites of each other's food n it's Comfortable.

then they head back to th motel n channel surf while unpacking enough 2 get to their sleep clothes. Adam + Eric r sharing a bed n Art + Mallick r sharing th other one, tho Adam is very tempted 2 just push them together so they're all close by (th distance btwn th beds isn't tht big to begin with, but it's the principle of th thing). mostly tho, until they go to bed, they're pretty much just all stretched out Everywhere. Adam is only discouraged frm jumping across th divide btwn th beds bc Art breaks out his Lawyer Voice, despite trying rly hard not to laugh, to say Yr Going To Hurt Yrself, Don't Do That. he grumbles n whines abt it but Adam knows he's right jdhjks (th way he sees it is like. he can b silly sometimes. he's Earned It, but he also trusts Art + wasn't super serious abt tht idea). eventually tho Eric can hardly keep his eyes open n Mallick is just straight up asleep while he's still sitting up so tht's when they all go to bed after making sure every1 is comfortable. they leave a lamp on.

fifth day they pack everything up again n stop 2 walk th trails of this lil park b4 they head home! there's a lil shop near th parking lot so they spend a lil bit of time looking around in there first. they probably pick up a few lil things, souvenirs, n Adam walks around 2 get some pictures. he gets this rly cool one while they're on a bridge, th sun peeking thru the clouds a lil bit n shining down on th water. he's super excited to develop tht one (but he's excited to develop All of them, bc this is his family!!!) + he n Art discuss whether or not they're gonna need another cork board lol. eventually tho they round back to th parking lot n on th way home, they stop at another lil hole-in-th-wall kind of place, but it's just as nice as the first one they'd been to. after tht Eric switches spots w Art n he drives them home!!

they're all exhausted when they get back but they have room to crash w each other while they nap so tht's what they do. they fall asleep all tangled together, Art stretched out w Eric's head on his chest, Adam curled against Eric's back, n Mallick w his head on Art's stomach. there r arms n legs everywhere n tht is okay. they're happy. they love each other. they had a lot of fun on their trip n they're tired, but they're comfortable!! tht's what it's all abt!!! it's just such a good n relaxing experience fr them after all th shit they've been thru.

[tarathorntonwasright]

i like museums too, a nate sewell romance playlist (x)

tracklist under the cut

honestly i was bored over the holiday and this was fun to spend some time on! i did a little write-up for a few tracks because i’ve lost control over my life~ PLEASE DM ME WITH YOUR NAT/E SEWELL FEELINGS I AM HERE 2 SIMP xoxo

sonata in g minor for cello & piano op. 65/frédéric chopin

i know n comes from the baroque era of music but they seem more romantic era in attitude. i am thinking about nate in a white shirt with the collar open writing unrequited love notes with a quill and ink while staring out at some sort of foggy countryscape....

waiting to know you/fiery furnaces

and when i'm about to give up hope but note with my telescope i’m standing guard the navy yard to see could there one for me be

fingerprints/hiatus kaiyote

like the wind without her whisperings and the colours wept from all her tapestries would be left nothing but sullen imagery

soraya definitely had a “not quite lucky or unlucky” childhood, but i think both she and nate can relate to feeling bittersweet about even fond memories of their youth and eventually are able to move on from the sadness and loss together

constant surprises/little dragon

the higher forces want to connect last night in my dream, i was talking to you you know who you are, were you dreaming too?

honeycomb/kadhja bonet

honeycomb, drip amber rays of sun the sweetness that is you and i the humble bee that brings the pollen to your gilded lips

i am always thinking about sensual metaphors re: nate

wood/rostam

sunlight on your back you were dreaming

honestly, everything about this song....the guitar and drums, the soft vocals, the blurred lines of dream and awake...it’s just so sultry and romantic 

no plan/hozier

why would you make out of words a cage for your own bird? when it sings so sweet [...] there's no plan, there's no kingdom to come i'll be your man if you got love to get done

for soraya, with immortality comes immorality, or at least in regards to divine judgement. no afterlife means she and n can focus on the here and now!

the whole idea of caging the bird/hiding who they are...soraya and n are both kind of bad at sharing about themselves (although this relationship is what helps soraya get better at opening up bc n is so easy to be vulnerable around). it takes n a little longer to be as open as she so quickly becomes which is fine with her she gets it but she feels connected in a profound way

colouour/moses sumney

why don’t you try some earth tones? since you claim you wanna die the color of compost might make you feel revived

hot knife/fiona apple

he excites me must be like the genesis of rhythm i get feisty whenever i’m with him

maar dala/devdas ost

this song is too beautiful!!!!! (lyrics here) madhuri dixit invented longing! i like the idea of soraya who is normally reserved just leaning into the feeling of falling for someone. and nate does make her go starry-eyed and swoon just like a bollywood romantic lead should :)c

[i also have an inkling of a hc that soraya introduces farah to bollywood and naturally she falls in LOVE with romantic musical movies over 3 hours  long with elaborate costumes and choreography! also naturally morgan never knows peace from that moment on...]

lest we forget (blood)/esperanza spalding

blood is ignited engine here at the core of all creation with your key to our mystery's spark bursting just beneath the surface

i love this song for all the romances but especially for n bc of their internal struggle with their nature. the interplay of the sensual and the sexual in vampire/human relationships feels very present in the rhythm. i love the temptation of the detective’s blood....just n being overwhelmed hearing her pulse and the increasing movement of the thing that holds life for vampires and humans alike and how there it rushes through her body (always but esp any time she gets excited over n’s presence....👀)

soraya is also a scientist and thus very clinical about and aware of 1. her human anatomy and 2. the needs of a supernatural like n, but she’s also very trusting/comfortable with n and everything they are....(yes she would offer n her blood in dire circumstances without a question but i am not ready to write about it yet)

green papaya/lianne la havas

this river of doubt, help me to swim my way out i'm greedy with love, but my hunger to give is strong enough [...] take me home, let’s make real love

this was hard bc just about every single lyric of this song perfectly encapsulates the nate romance experience! it is lush, it is sensual, it is gentle, it is needy...but mostly it’s about happily giving into the feeling of falling and being in love

you’ll never walk alone/nina simone

the lyrics of the original song are perfect (x) but i just adore this instrumental and think n would too

[chuuguins]

💘 - kyori x yuki

sugary sweetness ahead. proceed with caution!!

where they first met and how

they first met when their groups were promoting around the same time and they kept seeing one another backstage at music shows. kyori is a huge fan of kaleidoscope and has done a few dance covers of their songs and danced to them on variety shows so she was super excited to introduce herself!

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

i’d say pretty early. they grew attached to each other very quickly, especially because kyori came into yuki’s life when she was really needed.

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

i have a feeling that yuki fell hardest first. kyori definitely fell fast but i think yuki was still first.

where their first date was and what it was like

after they had been talking non stop for a couple of weeks, kyori showed up at the apex building with flowers and told yuki she was taking her out. they had a picnic behind the building with lots of food that kyori had made. very cute, very pure.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

i guess you could say that kyori asked yuki out but really she didnt ask at all. she just surprised her by showing up with the date plan. yuki probably asked if it was a date like twelve times. 

who proposes first

obviously this is a long way off but once again i think it would be kyori. she’s one for romantic gestures and she would want to make yuki feel special and loved so she would be determined to propose first.

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

as kpop idols, it’s a secret because it has to be. especially as two female kpop idols dating. however, all of their members know and other artists in their companies as well. they’re not the best at being subtle.

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? )

i doubt they would get married until their groups have both disbanded so like i said, it’s a ways away. flowers and picnics are two of kyori’s favourite things and something she’s integrated a lot into their relationship. she would have made a scavenger hunt around all of their favourite places and things that remind her of yuki which would end in a picnic in a garden surrounded by flowers where she would ask yuki to marry her.

if they adopt any pets together

oh i bet they do! let’s say two cats and a super cute fluffy dog!

who’s more dominant

i’m thinking yuki. even though it seems like kyori takes the lead in a lot of aspects of their relationship but i don’t think she’s necessarily dominant. just stupidly cute and overexcited.

where their first kiss was and what it was like

their first kiss was on their first date. kyori was reaching over to grab something out of the picnic basket and yuki surprise kissed her. then they kept kissing throughout the date bc they’re stupidly cute.

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? )

oh they definitely have so much matching stuff! especially things that the public can’t see and catch onto. so while they do have matching braclets, most of their matching items are things like matching mugs, matching socks, matching notebooks. all sorts of things like that. also it isn’t matching, but kyori bought a sunflower necklace for yuki because yuki calls her ‘sunflower’ so.

how into pda they are

their brand of pda is very soft and sweet. obviously they can’t do it super publically but when they’re around their members they will cuddle and do sweet little cheek kisses and be obviously couple-y but not in an awfully obnoxious way?

who holds the umbrella when it rains

yuki. she’s taller.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

their usual dates are sneaking into one anothers dorms with the help of members because it’s just the easiest way to do it. when they can they love to go for picnics in places that are quite private and they talk on the phone every night as well.

who’s more protective

i’m gonna say yuki!

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

probably a few months. mostly because finding an opportunity isn’t that easy but also partily because they wanted to take their time. i don’t know about yuki, but kyori had never gone that far with a partner so it was a big deal to her.

if they argue about anything

their arguments are usually very stupid and last about five minutes. just silly bickering about random things. big arguments are few and far between. 

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

yuki yuki yuki! kyori honestly likes it a lot. they are careful not to make them too obvious but whenever kyori sees marks yuki has left she gets all blushy and happy!!

who steals whose clothes and how often

why have a girlfriend if you don’t steal one anothers clothes? they both do this frequently. so much so that their wardrobes are basically mixed.

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

it depends but they often find themselves cuddling facing each other with kyori tucking her head into yuki’s shoulder. very cute.

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

would saying picnics be repetitive? really they just love spending the day together and doing whatever they feel like. sometimes they’ll bake together, sometimes they’ll nap together. they’ll go on public dates together at times because they just appear to be friends. 

how long they stay mad at each other

a few hours at most. honestly, kyori can’t stay mad at anyone so staying mad at yuki is near impossible.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

kyori loves peach tea or any kind of fruit tea + really sugary coffees (esp frappes) and yuki likes chai tea and salted caramel coffee! they also both love to get bubble tea!

if they ever have any children together

they would definitely want to!!! so i’m going to say they do. i’m thinking two kids, either one girl one boy or both girls?

if they have any special pet names for each other

i said already but yuki calls kyori “sunflower” or “sunshine” and kyori calls yuki “snapdragon” because reasons.

if they ever split up and / or get back together

hm, i’m not sure. if they ever do split up i can imagine them getting back together. perhaps just going on an amicable break for some reason. i just don’t doubt that it wouldn’t be long before they found themselves together again.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

once they move in together their living space is quite neat. it just looks nice and lived in, you know? kyori has flowers everywhere and i’m sure they spent a long time shopping and picking things out because they were just so excited to live together. i’m sure they mixed their unique aesthetics together in such a cute way.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

kyori is very close to her family so she invited yuki to spend christmas with them after the girls started dating. it was all very cute and cozy. kyori’s family absolutely love the holidays and go all out with decorations and food and presents. her parents bought gifts for yuki and yuki helped them decorate and they kissed under mistletoe. kyori told yuki it was the best christmas she had ever had.

what their names are in each other’s phones

“sunflower” & “snapdragon”

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? )

how many times can i mention fucking picnics in this post? they go on at least one per month and kyori makes an entire spread of food and deserts. they buy each other a stuffed animal every birthday. honestly, they probably have a lot actually.

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

kyori falls asleep first and wakes up first.

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

they switch. kyori is basically a backpack when she’s big spoon so it’s super cute but she loves being little spoon and curling up against yuki.

who hogs the bathroom

they both do! they love getting ready together. 

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

yuki takes spiders outside. kyori refuses to let anyone kill bugs but is also too scared to deal with them herself. 

send me a ship and i’ll answer some questions !!

[desolationlovers]

oh yall thought i was done x posting? lol. kamui character rant under the cut

the thing about kamui is i dont know that hes a very deep character??atleast not how clamp has written him and esp not in the manga.

he spends a lot of the manga being confused and often manipulated. and hes really just a kid.

his first big character arc is debastardization basically. when hes introduced hes a TOTAL asshole (the anime added scenes to make him more of a dick at the start but also has a bit of an explaination? ill get to it). hes shown as very rude to everyone around him, yelling at people to get out of his way or get lost, including his previous friends. hes also shown to have absolutely no care for his surrondings and regularly fights and uses his powers in places where bystanders could be injured and leaving roads bridges or nearby buildings in ruins. when confronted about the latter by hinotos knight (his name is saiki) he straight up says he doesnt care if anyone gets hurt. which i mean ok nothing wrong with a character being an asshole. the extreme in your face way kotori and fuuma describe kamui as a kid being very shy and Very quiet and gentle makes this characterization confusing but hey people can change i guess. the confusing part is that as kamui slowly beings to let his guard down he says that the big reason he was so standoffish especially wrt kotori and fuuma was because he wanted to keep them at a distance so they wouldnt get involved with all the end of the world stuff. which makes sense obviously! kamui was absolutely aware of how dangerous it might get. his entire plan was to get the shinken (the sacred sword) and bail because he didnt want any part of any of it. what i dont get is why he was totally cool with bystanders being injured or killed. during his fight with saiki they were in a neighborhood! on people roofs and shit!! saiki is the one to lead them to an abandoned construction site so no one gets caught in the crossfire. and kamui almost kills saiki!!! which i will let slide a bit because kamui was being followed and had been attacked by spells literally that morning. but later on he apologizes to saiki but never explained his reasoning why he didnt care about destroying peoples houses??? and its never brought up again?????? also theres a scene added to the anime where he kicks the shit out of kotori and fuumas dad??? because he wouldnt give kamui the sword?? bro thats ur best friends dad you jackass!!!!!

in the anime they added flashbacks for the time after he moved away from tokyo which i think make his whole character make much more sense. when he first moves and goes to a new school he accidentally uses his powers and makes everyone afraid of him. fast forward past elementary school to high? school? its unclear. at school hes a lazy slacker that never goes to class and never talks to anyone, big ol loner. he sees that a local gang has been stealing kids money and beating them up. so he decides to put on a tough guy persona and confront the gang telling them to knock it off and scaring them shitless with some fun ass kicking psychokenesis. now i am SO on board with this addition. kamui being ostrisized for being weird and scary when hes already a super shy kid, so he embraces this scary intimidating image and tries using it for good because hes still ultimately kind hearted. he gets too absorbed in this tough guy persona that he loses touch with the original purpose of it and just uses it as a shield because he himself is afraid and confused. and maybe even hiding behind it because hes so afraid of having this huge destiny that he doesnt know if he can live up to and how can someone who decides the fate of the world be just some quiet oversensitive guy.

except all of that is my own speculation and analysis because they really do not go into ANY detail about this. i wouldnt say its to the point where it feels like they just flipped a switch and hes nice now but it def feels like that. and it annoys me because after he kind of apologizes for being a dick it doesnt really get brought up again?? i think he broods over it once or twice. but i would have really liked to see flashes of it coming back in high stress situations or something? he has a lot of points of grief and depression but its always meloncholic rather than angry and it really makes him feel like two different characters i wish it was way more of a mix.

anger would also be good with the whole overarching theme of trying to break out of the path destined for you. its constantly said that theres only one future by the dreamgazers although hinoto wants to change it. its supposed destined that kamui will lose and earth will be destroyed. anger but more importantly PASSION is whats needed break out of what has been preordained and to carve your own path. passion is also whats needed for the main part of the second half of kamuis character arc, figuring out what it is he REALLY wants. what his true wish is.

i also think anger could have been a good inverse to the deliberate mirroring of kamuis character and subarus character. subaru really represents despair and being completely swallowed by grief. his story is that the man he fell in love with (named seishiro) was just manipulating him for fun and is actually an emotionless assassian. subaru is so destroyed by this realization he goes into a depression and because of this is unable to save his sister being killed by seishiro. his goal is literally to be enough of a nusance to seishiro that hell kill him. literally he wants to be acknowledged as important enough to bother killing. its pointed out often how subaru and kamui are so similar, with how fuuma killed kotori, and how theyre both kindhearted ro a fault. its an intentional reflection. subaru even pulls kamui out of a similar depressive state after kotori dies. he and kamui have a whole heart to heart about how some peoples happiness can look pitiful to others and how hes going to fufill his goals even when other people are worried for him. and most importantly about how not everyone can be happy with an outcome. i think it would have been really good for subaru to represent someone overcome with depression about how awful the world is and paralyzed with that sadness and kamui would be the rightous anger and compassion needed to actually change the world. “lets this radicalize you rather than lead you to despair” you know? it would have been a really good parallel considering part of x’s themes are literally about having compassion for humanity. but that reading possibly shoots itself in the foot because the language used wrt the two possible futures are things to stay as they are or for a “revolution” to occur, meaning killing everyone to let the earth heal. so ideas of change are insinuated to be connected with the seven angels and genocide. which uh. not going to get into that.

i do like when he starts going to the clamp school he goes back to being shy and quiet and kind of gets pushed around by people with more force of personality. very fun uncomfortably relatable. its ok man im extremely passive too.

anyway final thoughts kamui needs more passion. clamp give me the rights. also let subaru and kamui hang out and have a brotherly bond. no creepy shit. just subaru being an akward older brother that knows what kamuis going thru and gives bad advice bc he has god awful coping mechanisms.

side note we arent ever told about his likes/dislikes hobby or anything of that nature. the blankest of slates. so my city now. i think hes into obscure indie music and has thousands of hours in various life sim games like animal crossing and stardew valley.

[azrcxlfatale]

under the cut you’ll find saint’s intro, its just a brief run down for now until i get bio pages up but it should help get a sense of the boyo all the same !! he is gentle and friend shaped is all i can say ajjdfg. THIS HAS NOW BEEN UPDATED WITH LIKE FIVE EXTRA LIL MORE CURRENT HEADCANONS! [ they r just like for his own growth nothing major has happened with saint and he’s still fundamentally the same as he was bc he’s always been a more laidback and less tragic muse but feel free to read em bc they do help contextualise how he’ll be career wise and with grandmami] : 

   CHWE SAINT: 

so for the best part of his life saint was raised with his ‘grandmami’ as he terms her, but she’s better known to the whole island as ajumma solmi. for this reason he’s very doting toward her and a real grandma’s boy. he bakes with her often and they can often be found on street corners selling cheap priced but some of the finest flowers to the citizens because it’s grandmami’s tradition and its mostly done in hope to uplift the islanders and bring joy to their day in a small way and act of love. 

when i say doting i mean doTInG, he will help her in and out of chairs, help her cross streets, hold the groceries for her as she crosses, open doors for her even if grandmami insists he stops fussing because ffs saint ur making me look ancient and i’ll have u know i am still fighting fit and could knock any idiot on his ass with a fliCk of my finger. ajdhf. she is v fiery, if saint is like the picture of elegance and good manners then grandmami is the sTARK contrast. she has one hell of a potty mouth and just a no time for ur shit attitude. if anything saint is keeping her in line, not the other way around. 

his quirk is warp gate. he rlly just uses it to entertain himself mostly and help give his pals quick escapes when a prank of some sort has gone wrong. he can basically create portals out of a dark fog which can either be emitted through his breath or openings at the end of his fingers which he can activate, anyone can also use his portals to travel so long as he’s given them permission.

he just exudes sunshine rlly. is well known round the island for his out of this world smile which has been known to charm many. he is a very eligible and sought after bachelor but saint is like...not interested mostly bc he just like has no romantic awareness ahdhfhf not bc he doesn’t want it. and also bc he doesn’t like the way it’s mostly super young girls and guys just like awestruck by him. it feels a little too much like he’s a collective childhood crush by his groupies so yeah he is OBLIVIOUS. 

very humble and incredibly polite. just really down to earth whenever spoken to but being raised by an elderly person kinda makes u a little outdated, for this reason saint is kind of demure and bad at conversation mostly due to the fact he can easily talk for hours about his plans for baking with grandmami later, the book he read her this morning, the lovely walk they took in that gorgeous spot which he rlly recommends etc but he is god awful at talking about like typical young people stuff. 

lot of ppl think he plays hard to get, this is not true, saint just fr does not know how to fuckin speak and is the most oblivious person in the world to how to flirt, he’s easily flustered but bad at knowing when he’s being flirted with or if this person is just rlly nice and is usually too shy and respectful to rlly push luck by flirting in response hfhfjkg. USELESS. 

very 70′s/80′s aesthetic bby boy, sweet summer child. he is obsessed with old classic black and white films, had a collection before he moved to the island which he misses like everyday but luckily he has memorised ten million quotes. also collected records. obsessed with anything retro, is a collector of gaming merch. but he didn’t get to sneak much to the island :-( the only thing he rlly snuck was a small record stash. liked roller skating, bowling, drive in movies. dresses very retro but refined and classy with lots of layering. rlly good knowledge of classic literature. 

most likely to find him at the arcade in the funzone now on the island, he is a master at all the games but esp the old retro ones, usually goes early morning or late evening so he can spend hours uninterrupted on them and beat his high score everyday a bit more. if not there then he’ll be at zen’s computer gaming instead. he likes all tech really but prefers retro, he’s still figuring out modern. before coming to the island he was rlly getting into VR. if he’s not in either of these places, he’ll be on the beach in a volleyball match or doing a jog. still v much into his sports. 

ultimate sike power cause people think he looks like ur typical jock fuckboy but jokes on u he is pure of heart and dumb of ass himbo just blessed with ethereal looks, he is the breed of good lil boyo and that is all. 

obsessed with milkshakes and popcorn at the diners if he’s ever there u can guarantee that is what he is snacking on or treating himself to. his weakness is churros he fucken thinks that shit SLAPS. he’ll do anything if the prize is churros.  sMH someone help his diet. also loves fiddling with the jukeboxes there ajdjd. 

has two pet geckos one is peach colored and called zelda, the other is black and white leopard spotted and named zeus and he also has a chonk of a fluffy grumpy white cat called yoshi. he is the best. saint is a huge animal lover but probably still not on nyx’s level of dog worshipper. 

weeb. not as big of a one as nyx but he likes haikyuu, kuroko no basket, given, fruits basket, free! and yuri! on ice. he is very into anything that is slice of life or sports anime. 

has the nickname ‘koda’ bc of the movie brother bear, nicknamed after the lil baby bear cause he just reminds people of a baby bear ahdhd. 

he studies art, spends half his life in the studio working, big art nerd. once he gets in the work mode, he just does not stop for anything but water and snacks and goes at it all day into half the night. usually does big projects bc he loves a challenge. mostly paints, sometimes sketches. u know those vids of people mixing paint colors like a swatch of gold and turquoise? saint fuckin loves those so bad unf he does that all the time to calm himself. 

still lives with grandmami currently, he’s looking at getting his own place bc everyone tells him if he ever wants to have his own life then he needs to but he’s just v anxious about leaving grandmami on her own bc she getting older by the day and she’s all he has sO she cannot get hurt!! 

also in a bit of a dilemma with his art bc he kinda wants to make something out of it, like maybe teach some classes sort of thing and use it more as a career but right now he does not have the confidence in his ability and is mostly just doing it for fun and as a calming thing ( he’s an idiot he’s rlly fucken good pls someone make him take himself seriously )

never cusses but does say bitchin a lot, only ever uses fuck in bed basically so if u ever hear him say it then u know something next level has gone down bc saint refuses to swear even if he stubbed his pinky toe.

looks like a cinnamon roll but HE FUCKS!! boy is a kinky freak however saint has no shame or embarrassment like he will discuss it as casually as a discussion of what to have for dinner not bc he is like lewd but purely bc to him its rlly natural and like another form of art and he does not get the embarrassment or secret nature of it all like it is just factual to him that we come into the world like that and ppl enjoy it sometimes ajsj. 

gardening enthusiast!! has a fascination with studying plants and insects tbfh. still uses 70′s and 80′s kewl kid slang like unironically someone help him pls. sjjdjf. cute bonus fact: has freckles all over his shoulders and down his back. UWU. 

COUPLE OF CONNECTION IDEAS OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD??: 

i would love for him to have a muse for art and/or to be someone’s muse. also and maybe interchangeably someone to kinda be his art mentor and be like saint u could pursue this fr if thats ur dream, then do it pls share this talent dont let ART DIE!!

someone he does gardening and insect studies with who gets his nerdy enthusiasm over it. 

a regular who gets flowers from him and grandmami, maybe he makes a special bouquet for them every day which always has a different meaning in the flower language bc he is soft like that ajjfl

someone who he can take on loads of cute lil platonic diner dinner dates bc he is a huge foodie as we can tell. this one is super fun like I imagine they scam tf outta restaurants that are over priced and for the elite by being like we all kno married couples or people getting engaged, celebrating anniversaries etc tend to get better deals on their meals. so he’s essentially doing this one bc he likes ur muses company and enthusiasm for food but also bc it means cheaper high quality meals for both and a guaranteed good time.

someone to nerd out with him over classic literature or films bc that would be hella cute

maybe someone who is also close with his grandmami and rlly loves spending time with her as well so he kinda trusts them to take care of her and trusts their judgement when they r like saint chill let the lady live okay go and do ur own shit akskf

he usually jogs alone but it would be cool for him to have someone to do that with and like table-tennis and shiz cause he just loves fitness activities and active leisure stuff too. 

maybe someone who is tryna teach him a little more about how to uH TALK LIKE SOMEONE HIS DAMN AGE AND STOP BEING SOME RETRO MAN STUCK IN MODERN TIMES AJDJD

UPDATES:

so a lot about saint hasn’t overly changed because like he just is and has always been a very wholesome laidback boyo but just a few bits of like additional info for his personal growth can be added:

he’s owner and manager of the florist now, grandmami is also there most of the time and handles a lot of stuff when she’s feeling up to it but with her getting more tired more easily from her illness saint needs to head everything really.

he grew up in a neighbourhood on hosu which like consisted of his entire street pretty much being full of his aunts and uncles so now like it’s a street just littered with all his tiny cousins who like to follow him about everywhere and play ball games etc on the street with him and kinda take it over shs. you can hear their joyful playing from like streets over it’s very cute.

his mother gave him up when she realised she was pregnant with him and too young to raise him and that it would hinder her from pursuing the life she wanted with his father. saint doesn’t hold any resentment for her choice, it only bothers him that his grandma has always had a serious illness since the early days of talks of her having no choice but to take him on and that despite this his mother allowed him to be left to her care and another burden on her when she was already so ill.

grandmami is now at a point where she’s hanging in there but she won’t have long left and saint is essentially now her live in carer till her final days which is hard af for him but he refuses to let it show. he’s not sure how he’ll function when he loses her. right now he’s trying to extend the florist business into a wellness one as well and more of an apothecary so he can keep himself stable and busy.

this is more just a cute fun fact but he’s a Christmas Eve baby. uwu lil boyo was born on the night before Christmas bc of course he was sdjdj.

[edensbuttercups]

🌝about me🌝

i was tagged by @1orweth who is incredibly sweet *sending hugs and positive vibes your way* and thank you for tagging me cause I love talking about myself lol

name: Liza

gender: female

height: 5"9/175ish

star sign: I’m a Taurus babey 💫

age: 13 days into being a 20 yo and I don’t know how well I’m doing at being a full adult

wallpaper on my phone: The sea bc I miss it and I need to see it everyday or I will implode

house: I live in an appartment // If this meant Hogwarts house then I’m a Hufflepuff (and my patronus is a Wildcat, which I adore!) I’m not even a Harry Potter fan but the whole Pottermore website is fun

ever had a crush on a teacher: I did but I do not know why? Looking back he was an alright dude but there were way better teachers (not that you should have a crush on a teacher, just saying, but there were better ones to crush on lol)

coolest halloween costume: me as a zombie. I loved playing around with fake blood and wax and made face cuts and a pretty realistic face bite on my neck!

favorite 90s tv show: Friends! I love it and it’s my comfort show, watched it once alone and once with my mum, but when I’m feeling down/bored/in need of some good old show I watch it. Makes me feel better! (Also I love some of the outfits, the 90s were a good time)

last 💋: Romantically? Never. I’ve never had anyone ask me out and the only time I shared my feelings they didn’t feel the same sooo no luck so far. If anyone wants a kiss I’ll happily send you a virtual one tho 😂 Other than that I kiss my bro and my mum pretty often, so probably less than half an hour ago.

have you ever been stood up: I don’t think so? Probably will happen eventually tho lol

favorite pair of shoes: A pair of simple black shoes with a small thick heel and a little strap around the ankle. I’m tall by nature and with these I’m even taller, but I feel cute/badass so it’s a good feeling. Also, some men (especially older ones) apparently hate to talk to a woman that’s taller than them and I live for that. The fear in their eyes. Fuck the patriarchy. 

have you ever been to vegas: Nope, haven’t even left Europe lol

favorite fruit: strawberries (esp w/ bananas) and mango!

favorite book: The book thief by Markus Zusak! I’ve read it many times and I love it so so so much.

stupidest thing you ever done: I’m the queen of stupid things. I once climbed on a tree three minutes before the start of a lesson in school, ended up getting stuck on the tree and spending an hour on in before realising I could’ve just climbed higher up to reach my class and climb in through the window. OR! The time I tried scaring one of my teachers (cool guy, very friendly, swore he’d never gotten scared in his life) jumped behind him, maybe scaring him?? But falling in a small hole and almost breaking my ankle. But life is meant to be lived and my idiot ideas are what gives spice to everyday life.

all time favorite shows: Friends, the Good Place, The Witcher, Casa de Papel, Vis a Vis, Doctor Who and maybe Jane The Virgin and The Hookup Plan? Also loved Lost before the whole time travel thing. i’m probably forgetting most of them dammit 

last movie you saw in theatres: The Lion King with my bro and my mum! It was the new one and it was actually really good! 

I tag @scribblingfangirl, @dancingwith-thesunflowers, @thelittlestshireling, @temerianwitch and @oversharingskeptic if you guys want? 💖💖💖

[icharchivist]

The organization around this quarantine thing is such a disaster tbh. 

About two weeks ago, two of our teachers were the ones who were especially worried. 

There was the first case of covid19 in the nearby high school, and our uni, being a linguistic one in a region nearby the Italian border, has a lot of connection with centric pandemic regions in Italy, before they even shut down themselves.

Two of our teachers were concerned bc, as we just came home from holidays, a lot of people connected to the Italian branch came back to the uni as well, and nothing was really done about it. 

One of my teacher was especially mad bc there was no soap in the bathrooms of the uni for a week at that time. She told us then that she will no longer note our presences for classes (mandatory esp for those with scholarships), and encouraged us if we were scared, knew we would be weak to the virus (asthma and such), or if we knew people who were, to not go to school anymore. Told us specifically to take pictures of the soapless bathroom so if the administration bothered us, we’d send them picture going “you’re endangering us”

I’m asthmatic. I have a lot of breathing problems in general, due to a nose malformation that makes it hard to breath and flow normally. and i have allergies. Hell my seasonal illness involves coughing, headaches, nothing flowing from the nose, and lung pains, feeling tired, all those stuff. I can’t even bring up how paranoid i am. Latest cycle of said sickness kicked in with a fever which worried my mom and I had to go see a doctor in urgence a couple of days ago. I’m fine. But i feel extremely paranoid. (and it’s not like France is getting us tested wth bloodtest or something - hospitals are overbooked with the pandemy so they only take in people with very urgent symptoms. Even if you get the virus unless you’re going very bad you’re encouraged to stay at home. There’s probably a lot of cases that we don’t know of because of that.)

But anyway school still didn’t stop back then, two weeks ago. We had two teachers who took the time to sit us down and discuss it with us. How the uni was not prepared to handle it. How they both thought the uni should have closed by now, that they’re discussing it, but they don’t want to yet. 

For two weeks all we got as info was that everything was fine. Only need to clean your hands and cough in your arms. But we also had massive announcement just 5 days ago about how it was not even thought of to close schools. To close places with high work going. That we can’t let it stop us and all.

Last Wednesday, there were still clear announcement that there will be no stopping schools or work or anything. Last Friday, we were issued with a message announcing the massive closing of every schools and we were encouraged to stay at home.

Our uni, is, of course, not prepared for it. We got a few homeworks or class by mails with clear messages from our teachers telling us they’re not prepared and we will need to improvise - us students involved. Our exams, that were to happen in April, will be pushed back to May or June. For now.

On Saturday, they encouraged us to still go vote for the Mayor Elections on Sunday. Obviously, more than half of the population didn’t show up. But we were encouraged to do it still.

On Saturday, we were told to no longer go in groups in places. Something that is obvious of course, but a couple of days ago was not even issued. People stayed up late, disregarded the announcement. In the same breath we were told to not go out anywhere with many people, but to go out to do the election on Sunday still.

Mid Sunday, i get a mail from my uni residence saying that people living in those are encouraged to leave their room, whenever definitly or temporary to return to their family during the shut down of the schools.

I didn’t want to, considering my relationships with my family, but this was getting scary. We were still /encouraged/ but not obligated yet. 

I had seen my mom on the Saturday for the doctor so we discussed the possibility, and while not obligated yet, i was a bit scared. I ended up askign my mom to come pick me up. I couldn’t move out *everything* obviously, but i took already 7 bags with me. My mom originally wanted to help me move out on Monday, but the announce scared me enough i wanted to get it done then immediatly.

Sunday evening, they announce they’re going to restrict moving around. Every shops would close. My mom works in administration soe she had to go work monday still. 

Monday my mom’s employer basically tells her to take “holidays” so she doesn’t have to pay her, all while planning to pass all the mails and phonecalls to the agency to my mom’s phone. She’s sent home on Monday.

Monday evening we got the announcement from the gov that we were in complete lockdown. No longer allowed out without a permit. Only allowed to be out for reasons like grocery shopping, going to the pharmacy or doctor, or if you have jobs that are obligated for the good functionment of the country and crisis. (although they did issue you’re allowed to take your dog out but not for long)

We have to go on the gov’s website to ask for a permit. Like Italy i’ve heard. 

We also have a curfew, no longer allowed out until a certain hour.

So now, today, Tuesday, the whole thing is in place. I’ve heard policemen in my street earlier today ask for people’s permit for being out. 

And my uni residence just sent us a mail saying they no longer even tolerate people being inside the residence for the quarantine. We are obligated to move out ASAP, to a family member or such, or leave definitly.  Today, while the gov has issued you can no longer be out without a permit you printed - while, also, we don’t have printers in our residences. 

I feel glad i followed my gut feeling on Sunday to move out bc i have no idea how i could have asked help to move out today with those measures in place.

What i’m trying to get accross is how quickly those measures were taken in the past few days while it’s been a few weeks we’ve been many to worry enough to think dispositions should have been taken earlier. We’ve been thinking about it for weeks at the uni, but suddenly in less than 5 days we went from “we’re not changing a thing” to “quarantine yourself at your parents’s”.

Not to mention our President doing lots of lectures about how we’re At War, A Health War Sure, But At War And We Have To Consider It As Such. Obviously extremely reassuring to hear while you hear about the amount of death and sickness on TV.

Not like the sickness is any better either. I have a friend who’s a nurse in a part of France that is badly affected. Cases with young people starts to degenerate very quickly, even if they had no prior reasons for it to happen. 

We discovered ibuprophen worsen the virus and it brought people who would have no prior situation into critical states to be taken care of.

/young people with no prior situations/, which i think is important to mention since so many people are brushing off the virus in a “it only affect the elderly or people with weak immune system”, as if this wasn’t reason enough to worry, as if we don’t all know multiple people like that around us, as if the 14days incubation period wasn’t terrifying, as if even if we get minor symptoms we don’t get to spread around a sickness that can be deadly for people with a weaker immune system. Well, if it’s so bad to understand the issue yet, i guess thus “young people with no prior situation get into critical situation” should be a wake up call. We don’t know that virus. It’s frightening. 

People get recontaminated too. Which means we don’t get an immunity from healing. We can catch it again. Who knows how that may even go.

My friend, the nurse, says people keep stealing their equipment. They’re shortstaffed, short in materials, they can barely handle the crisis, not helped by the fact it’s been years that the gov keeps cutting health center’s ressources down. We’re not prepared for  a pandemic that way.

Like... I read everyone talk about the panic buyer making it much more of a problem than it is. And while it’s true, it’s overshadowing that this is a Bad Situation, that we know nothing of that virus and it’s scary, and that the gov’s quarantine had been rushed into so much no one knows how to organize themselves around it. 

For now it’s planned for 15 days. god knows how long it will take.

I, asthmatic currently sick with issues breathing, am stuck back with my mom who smokes all the time at home. Both quarantined. I feel lowkey cursed tbh. For years i tried to escape my family, dealing with all the issues that goes with it, and when i finally manage to do so, i get two lawsuits up my ass bc my dad is a douche and then my residence closes up bc of a massive sickness forcing me to go back to my mom’s. 

I don’t know how to focus on my classes bc the organization is chaotic. I’m scared hearing the news. I have trouble breathing all day and while i know it’s nothing, i remain anxious. I don’t know how long i’m gonna stand my mom. Internet gets slower bc of the influx of people locked home to work. 

i don’t care much for being quarantined itself, i can spend days in my home without problems. I don’t like being stuck with my mom and i just don’t like how we’ve been pushed into it in a complete lack of preparation for it. 

I miss my home. 

And it’s just France. Italy and Spain have been in those situations for a while too. 

In a way that makes me even more angry that they didn’t take precaution before while the Italian gov had been warning us for weeks to be careful and take stuff into account before it’s too late. And we still waited, and we still rushed, and now we will blame everyone who is not understanding how thhe gov went from “it’s only a little flu don’t worry, keep going with your life just wash your hands” to “how irresponsable are you not to be in quarantine” in two days. You wonder then why people are panic buying, it’s not like the gov did any work to be crystal clear about the situation. You wonder people are being careless, a couple of days ago they were still told they had no reason to worry and to look down on those who panics.

EDIT: and lmao, i have been saying those stuff for weeks, for about two weeks i say it should have been taken into account, and my mom was pro-keeping-the-mayor-election-going (bc she wuld perhaps get a job out of it) and i told her then i thought it was a very bad idea to keep them going. My mom tried to convince me about how noooo, it was fiiine, we had to have those municipals anyway, “if people can go grocery shopping they can go vote” as our prime minister said, which i found horrifying (buying good is vital, electing a mayor can wait). And my mom kept insisting that it was important. And now, everyone says it was a bad idea to carry them on. Our own election house didn’t take any health precaution. Even my mom is saying “it was a bad idea.” Call me Cassandra bc i Keep Telling Them This Is Gonna Happen and no one ever listen to me and Too Bad. Ffs.

This is a mess of a situation. It’s making me extra anxious. 

But well that’s how it is now I guess. Sighs.

[cancerbiophd]

How to plan a wedding during grad school (and not lose your mind)

I received a lovely ask from @brandnewleaves about wedding planning while in grad school. Congrats on your engagement! 

I also got engaged and married during grad school and learned a lot about planning a wedding during such a busy and stressful time. It does take a lot of time and energy and money, but it can be done! (A quick note: I had a huuuge reception (more than 250 guests), so some of these things may not apply to smaller celebrations.)

Here’s my advice from what I learned: 

Probably the most important thing: Do not do everything yourself! Get help from as many people as possible, especially your partner (as it’s their day too!). Divvy out the tasks, and set strict deadlines. Have regular meetings with those involved if necessary (I had at least 2 meetings with both families together to go over important details, and to reach compromise on conflicting traditions). 

Start early, so you don’t have to do a whole lot of everything all at once, and space out the tasks, so at most you may be spending like, 30 min a day on wedding planning to not feel overwhelmed (tho you can def spend longer/day if you want! Time does fly when you’re having fun!). I think giving yourself at least a year to plan a large wedding reception works well (large/fancier venues need to be reserved a year in advance anyway since they fill up so fast)

Do your research. Wedding planning is a whole new territory to learn about and conquer (there’s a reason people can make a living from being a wedding planner!). Not only do you have to find all the vendors and your venue, there are lots of major things to know, like how far in advance to reserve/purchase ____. I recommend wedding websites like TheKnot and WeddingWire, and chatting with those who have done it before (like me!). 

Then, set a timeline and schedule major events/deadlines into your planner/calendar. That way you can see if you have time to do everything you want to do, and whether you can take things a bit slower, or if you need to fast-track some things. 

Determine a budget for items. For this part I sat down with my fiancé/husband and determined which things we were comfortable splurging on, what things we could be more thrifty, and what things we could do without. The exact $ spent in the end will most likely change, but it’s good to set boundaries and expectations early on (esp on a grad student salary!!)

Stay organized. I used a plethora of excel sheets to keep track of everything, from to-do lists to budgets to the day-of-schedule. I used Google Drive so I could easily share with others who needed to be in the know, like my parents, and so I could see it on my phone the day-of (using the Google Sheets app). I also bookmarked sites on my browser (like useful resources), and kept a powerpoint slide of pictures of dresses and color schemes I liked (you can also use Pintrest, but I didn’t want to get sucked into that time-sink lol). This collection of ideas is also useful to show your dress/suit consultant, florist, hair-dresser/make-up artist, venue decorator, DJ, cake baker, etc so they get the vibe of your day right.

Use a website for guests to RSVP if you’re going to have a lot of them. TheKnot provides a free website that you can customize, or you can sign up for one at Squarespace. You can also use the website to collect info such as dietary restrictions (and to remind them of the address and other details). 

Get things on the cheap!! I know Amazon is kind of a horrible company but MAN I got SO many things on Amazon and saved a ton of money: my veil ($25 on amazon vs $300 on David’s Bridal??? are you kidding me???), my jewelry and hair pieces (aside from the rings lol), all the bridesmaid dresses (I have prime so if I didn’t like them I just returned them), all the faux fur wraps for the bridesmaids, a ton of decor such as table numbers, parts of the wedding favors, the groomsmen belts and shoes, etc etc. And if you’re not particular about reusing decor (that’s been used literally once), people are always selling things on Craigslist! 

DIY is fun and saves money, but make sure it’s doable for your skill, time, and energy. My husband I opted to hand-fill small jars with tea and hot cocoa and hand-fold these cute lil boxes for wedding favors, but in hindsight that was a horrible idea because we had way too many guests. 

Something that’s overlooked: wedding planning will take up space. Like, physical space, to store all your wedding things such as decor, wedding favors, outfits, etc. My guest bedroom was pretty much unusable for a few months because it was filled. Something to take into consideration if you live in a small space.

If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, stop. Step away. Take a break. Bring things into perspective. Don’t let wedding planning be a bad experience. Don’t let it bring out the ugly in the people involved. Always remember that this is a day to celebrate with your family and friends the love and commitment between you and your partner. 

My other “more my totally personal opinion” tips:

Spend the money on a professional photographer. If you’re gonna throw down the big bucks on anything on your wedding day, I suggest it be a professional photographer. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but then I saw how amazing my photos were, and how much I--and all my friends and family--cherished such an amazing memory, and I’m soo glad I spent the money. A professional photographer will charge anywhere from $150-300/hr, but even 1 hour of photography for you and your partner and your family members at the venue before everyone else arrives will be well worth it. Not only will the photos be high quality, but wedding photographers know all the best poses and angles. (Also, support your local photographers!)

If appropriate, ask for cash instead of physical gifts. We did this by saying “no boxed gifts - cash or check only” on our invitations. I think this is becoming more common these days, and I honestly think it’s more practical. I legit don’t want any dish-ware bc I already have a set? But money? Heck yes. If asking for money may not fly by your more-traditional guests, consider using Honeyfund, which is like a wedding registry but for honeymoon items, so your guests can give money towards say, the plane tickets. 

I caution against picking vendors (including venues) that are too far/time-consuming/expensive to travel often to. You may have to go back quite a few times for meetings, tastings, etc, and many of these places aren’t available to do these on the weekends and evenings (since that’s when they’ll be busy with the weddings!). Our wedding venue and all our day-of vendors (florist, cake baker, etc) were located in our hometown 1.5 hrs away, which isn’t super far, but we had to take some afternoons off work to make it to important meetings, and that kinda sucked for a grad student. However, you can of course video call in for stuff, or opt to trust how the food tastes, etc!

I think I covered most of it! If you have any specific questions, my ask box and chat are always open! (I didn’t mention it, but I also had to balance 2 conflicting cultures/religions, so I have some experience in that alley too)

Once again, congratulations on your engagement, and I wish you and your love a fantastic wedding and all the happiness in the world!!