#erasmus questions
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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘀𝗺𝘂𝘀 pros and cons
a girl asked me to talk about my erasmus experience in the questions box and she inspired me to make this post. if you have posts to request don't be shy! unfortunately i don't have all the time i would like to uptade but i will try to keep up.
erasmus is a student mobility program of the european union that allows a european student to attend a school in another EU country for a period of time legally recognized by their home institution.
it is a temporary experience with many benefits, enabling students to engage with different cultures and customs. due to its non-permanent nature, i believe it is one of the most beautiful opportunities for a student to feel completely free to explore and understand themselves, to figure out what they want and do not want from their life and educational path.
but let’s start by discussing its downsides. unfortunately, not everything is perfect.
𝟭. paperwork ( 📄 )
hey, i know, guys, i'm not the first or the only one to say this, but the paperwork for erasmus is a pain in the ass. it's not only extremely complicated, but universities (mine for sure, but i know it's a common experience) provide zero help in filling out the documentation. especially if you're not familiar with bureaucracy (and at 20 it’s normal not to be familiar with these things), it can seem like an insurmountable mountain. but if i, someone who doesn’t understand anything about this stuff, managed to get through it, you can do it too. typically, the documentation includes:
various information like ID, health card, and the IBAN of an account in your name (or joint name) where they will deposit the scholarship.
learning agreement, another plague sent from hell because you usually have to deal with two professors, one from your university and one from the host university, who clearly would prefer to mop the sea than help you fill out your learning agreement.
financial agreement for the scholarship, which has specific deadlines by which you need to submit documents (usually IBAN, learning agreement, and acceptance letter from the host university). fun fact: i almost missed this and didn’t receive the scholarship because these deadlines were buried deep in my university’s website (don’t be like me, make sure to be informed well about the financial agreement or you risk being left without money).
the best advice i can give you is to find someone from your university who has already done the erasmus where you’re supposed to go and ask them for some information. they, having gone through it, know what mistakes to avoid and what’s best to do. the offices often assume too many things and give you insufficient and hasty information.
𝟮. finding an accomodation ( 🏡 )
this too, another pain in the ass. it depends on the city, but here in madrid, finding a place to live has been a nightmare (and indeed, i've significantly overshot the budget i had set for rent). you have various options for accommodation:
student dormitories these solutions may seem the best at first glance, but they aren’t always. here in madrid, the fees for the dormitories at my campus cost more than my current rent, plus having only one kitchen for an entire floor is not exactly optimal comfort, especially if, like me, you cook a lot.
apartment studio/flat this is definitely the most comfortable option, but also the most expensive. a studio outside the center in big cities can cost up to €1000 a month. however, if you can afford it and prefer privacy, then go for it. at first, living alone might not be easy, especially if it’s your first time away from family, but you’ll get through it quickly.
room in an apartment this can be the best or the worst option depending on your luck because having flatmates means cohabitation, which is not always pleasant. if you're going in erasmus with someone you know, it might be optimal to share an apartment or take two rooms in a larger flat. personally, i rented a room in an apartment with three other people (two bathrooms and a kitchen), and i couldn’t be happier; i love my flatmates, and we quickly became friends. we cook together, go out together, spend entire evenings chatting and joking and they helped me a lot overcoming the first crisis. i realize, though, that i am an exception, so choose your accommodation carefully.
in short, consider your choice based on 3 factors:
proximity to the university/public transport links i study outside of madrid, almost an hour by bus from my place, but i live practically across from the bus stop, so it’s not a problem at all.
centrality/connection to the city center you're in erasmus to experience the city!
comfort of the place such as private bathroom (very hard to find but not impossible), utensils, AC, appliances (we have a dishwasher at home, and i assure you it saves our lives everytime).
𝟯. homesickness ( 🤧 )
yes, everyone feels homesick, even the most stoic. but guarantee you, you'll get through it. first of all erasmus, fortunately or unfortunately, isn’t forever. it’s a 6 month/1 year experience that is incredibly valuable for your personal growth, at the end of this period of time, you'll be back home. secondly, you can always stay in touch with friends and family in the age of technology. those who truly love you will support you in this project and do everything they can to make you feel less lonely. lastly, during erasmus, you’ll make many amazing friendships and connections that you otherwise would never have the chance to make.
𝟰. language barrier ( 🦜 )
i can’t say much about this, i've never studied spanish in my life, but, since i'm italian, i have no trouble following the lessons and understanding people when they speak, even though i'm still not able to express myself well in this new language. however, by living in another country, you’ll learn the language much faster and more effectively than with any academic course. in just a month, i already feel much more comfortable with spanish, and everyday i learn new things.
and of course, i could talk for hours about the benefits of erasmus, but i might save my praises for a post i'll write later, towards the end of this experience.
i can tell you that in just a month here, a whole new world has opened up for me. not only is the thrill of being in another city, in another country, an electrifying flow of continuous energy, but i’ve also realized things about myself that i might have ignored before.
i have much more confidence in myself; i feel freer, less afraid of making mistakes. it’s true, i’m far from my family and friends, but this also means i’m far from all those eyes under which i always try to appear perfect.
i crave to see and learn, i'm eager to discover new things, and this drives me to do things i probably wouldn’t do in my home country, to appreciate their flavor and indulge in the uncertainty of "maybe i’ll like this".
for the first time, i’m experiencing a new country without the rose-tinted filter of a short vacation. i’ve never felt as rich and full of gratitude as i do now, and i hope this is a feeling every student can experience.
so, erasmus, yes or no? absolutely yes.
i’d love to keep updating you on my experience abroad. what do you think? would you like that? let me know in the comments! star kisses ⭐
#stressed erasmus student#erasmus#erasmus life#study abroad#exchange student#college#education#school#academia#student#study aesthetic#study blog#study inspiration#study motivation#note taking#erasmus questions#college student#student life#studying#study community#study notes#architecture studyblr#studyblr#studyblr community#study tips#studyinspo#studyspo#uni student#university life#uni life
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Nothing like watching Christmas University Challenge to keep me humble
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i miss my friends so much i'm gonna throw up
#hearing my friend's voice for 5 seconds on the online class from my home uni while he answers a question and wanting to scream. normally#i need to do stupid shit with that guy again!!! i need to hang out with my buddies again!!!!!#veni veni#erasmus tag
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my mom asked me to look up my future job’s (based on my degree) possibilities in canada.
for context, i’ve looked up how a biomedical scientist gets paid (from lowest to highest wages) in many countries in europe because, yes, i wanna work in that field and yeah, i wanna leave greece. but i also do care about quality of life etc etc. the reason she asked me that is bcuz i have some cousins who live there and would be able to help me initially, until i’d be able to get my own place or whatever.
and while i also have cousins and uncles and aunts on the US, im lowkey scared to live there hehe :,)
#MICHEAL JACKSON IS PLAYING ON THE RADIO YES#anyway#it would be far easier to make a start somewhere in eurpoe#and take advantage of the erasmus programs#but. but i dont have any close family members to help me around there#i would be on my own#technically i have a couple cousins on germany but i dont like their husbands KSDUFG#also a family friend in norway? but i've never seen them LMAO that is out of the question#also#for like. quality or life or smn#the more north the better? it looks like it at least#that would require me to start learning a new language#and i while i want to. i firstly have TO CHOOSE ONE#yeeeeeeeah#get me outta here
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I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time rn at home! Sending you much of love and wishing you all the best. And good look for your portfolio and the whole Erasmus program. Where would you like to go?
Thank You so much, sweetie❤️ it means a lot!
My first choice is Ireland(Dublin)and in the second place is England (Sheffield)!
Over the past few years I've become very much familiar with the British Humour (esp that!) culture, language etc it's now a huge part of me I couldn't possibly leave without. I don't even identify with my country anymore hahahah. I would love to settle down there once I finish my studies.
So either I become the Irish-Catalan spy against Bonaparte like Stephen Maturin or join the navy like Jack hahaha! 😂
#also!#im watching La Confidential now and Russ is SOOO BABY in it#ask#lovely people ask me questions#harry potter and the onering#Erasmus#but yes Ill keep you guys updated on Erasmus stuff#gotta flee this country as soon as possible#and thank you so much for the wishes#it means a lot❤️❤️
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While we were on vacation my sister started me on a turkish comedy series that is the definition of crack treated seriously (gibi) and I'm living rn
#esp as i really needed a low key show that won't give me fic brain worms#also as a fun fact i knew of it for a while#but the ep everyone in turkey loves is called the cannibal that came with the erasmus exchange progran#and for years i was like i aint messing around with a haha Black people as cannibals story line#but no#the cannibal in question -- who eats one of the MC's gran -- is a white blonde dutch man lmao#that i indeed can mess with#will anything top the line: no one whose grandmother was eaten yesterday can get out of their own heads#just because they have been taken to brunch#lmao
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I don't know if I should do Erasmus in Germany/Austria or maybe Ireland...
I'm at the beginning of my German learning so staying in Germany next year would truly help me accelerate the process of learning, but I feel like I need to upgrade my English in a strong way...I'm good at listening/reading in english but I have to improve the speaking/writing part and I feel like that could happen only by living in a place where English is the main language.
Also I could try studying in Germany for my master degree (at that point my level will be much higher).
#uni#university#uni problems#ask#questions#erasmus#germany#austria#ireland#languages#learning languages#german#english#deutschland#deutsch lernen
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paris – l. juyeon
pairing: lee juyeon x fem! reader
genre: exchange student! juyeon in paris (ft. his erasmus friends). friends to ???, angst, fluff. actually, the genre is longing. halloween party au but the halloween part plays like,, 0 part in the fic, basically. idk the paris pics did something to me he is so european coded. paris by the 1975 without the drugs in a fic, essentially
warnings: cheating from yn's side, swearing, alcohol, smoking. the reader is canonically french im sorry 💀
word count: 6k
There’s quite a few reasons why Juyeon never told his friends from home about you- the girl he met on his student exchange trip. Some were the cause of Juyeon’s insecurities in himself, some the cause of your relationship status, all the cause of his unrequited love and the way you broke his heart, making Juyeon’s whole memory of Paris a bit hazy and bittersweet and the leave, paradoxically, that much harder. But still– and maybe you’re the reason for it– oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.
a/n: do NOT cancel me for being a casual matty healy enjoyer i am a 2014 tumblr girlie at heart
“And where are my gifts? Where are the souvenirs?” Hyunjae calls after the boy that’s still kind of jet lagged from the flight (even though it’s been 3 days since his landing and he slept the whole day after his brother picked him up from the airport), the latter looking at him with tired eyes.
“That’s all you want from me after not seeing me for 6 months?”
“Yes. Where’s my baguette?” Hyunjae glares, making the younger boy whine at the request.
“I didn’t know you wanted a hard rock baguette from me. If I had known, I would’ve taken one with me and smashed it against your head the moment I arrived here.”
“Well, if it’s authentic,” Hyunjae shrugs, laughing. “I’m just joking… I know we’ve been calling and texting like, every other day, but let me ask again. How was it?”
Juyeon finally smiles at his friend’s question. This is what one expects after coming home from studying abroad for 10 months– not a souvenir request. And trust me, Juyeon did bring gifts, out of the warmth of his own heart, but after being asked for them, he kind of doesn’t want to play Santa anymore. Kind of like when you decide to wash the dishes, but your mum tells you to do it at the same time of your decision– the motivation fades away the mere second you’re requested to do the thing.
“Well, it was good,” he shrugs, “it was… something,” Juyeon says– because how does one fit 10 months of their life into a few sentences without stammering– and before he gets a chance to say anything, Hyunjae catches him off guard with another inquiry.
“Is it true, by the way? Are European girls really prettier?” he grins, wiggling his eyebrows at the boy as if to suggest something– but all it does is make Juyeon shrug, acting not really bothered with the question.
“Dunno,” he hums, “I think it’s equal to here.”
“So you’re telling me you went 10 months without getting laid in France?” Hyunjae gasps, making Juyeon furrow his brows in utter disbelief.
“When did I say that? Or anything that would even suggest that?”
Now, this was a trap. Juyeon is too gullible. See, Juyeon was pretty transparent with everything during his calls with Hyunjae back when he was in Paris. He told his friends back home all about the European food, the rock-hard french baguettes, the weird looks and annoyed sighs he got when speaking English to the clarks in the shops, the cold showers in his accommodation and the pretty park in front of his university building. They also know all about his friends from Paris– the international students he met in his course like Shotaro from Japan, Bence from Hungary and Marco from Italy– but when the question of girls came around, specifically in the romantic light of things, Juyeon went awfully quiet. You can’t blame Hyunjae for getting into suspicions.
“So you did?” Hyunjae gasps, grasping at the straws.
Juyeon sighs, reaching for his bag. His awfully big hand slips inside of the black backpack, fingers touching various things before he brings out a bunch of gifts: a keychain with the Eiffel tower, some magnets, postcards, a fashionable beret he found in one of the souvenir stores but never saw anyone actually wear in the whole 10 months in the streets of Paris, some perfume and high quality chocolate. Hyunjae’s eyes go wide, making satisfaction swim through Juyeon’s veins at the sight– he managed to deflect the attack.
Sometimes, having materialistic friends is a plus.
As he watches Hyunjae touch all the things on the table, fingers trailing over metal and the shiny wrapping of the dark chocolate with an acknowledging nod, Juyeon takes out another thing out of his bag– his digital camera that he brought along for the ride. He sent his friends a lot of pictures when he was in Paris, and he also posted quite a few on Instagram for everyone to see, but the camera held more memories and more moments than anyone’s ever seen before– it’s a source of treasure for himself as well, but he figures it wouldn’t hurt to share a glimpse with his best friend.
“Wanna see? I took tons of pictures, but you can look through only the interesting ones, if you want to,” Juyeon hums, offering the camera to the male, the display already shining at him from the gallery, small icons of all pictures on the SD card in a 3x3 row on the small thing.
A few pictures of the town are on preview right now, but if you scroll through the gallery, moments of his friend Marco’s birthday party that his friends threw for him, or the snapshots of his friend’s faces come into sight– Juyeon’s sure Hyunjae’s eager to see how all of the people he’s been talking to him about look like.
Hyunjae nods, taking the camera from him and squinting at the little icons. His fingers move along the touch screen and scroll through the gallery, eyes zooming on the interesting ones and grinning as he shows them to Juyeon, awaiting the backstory of a certain image.
Everything goes well, until Hyunjae gets to the latest pictures on the SD card– well, apart from the ones Juyeon took from the window on his flight home. And Juyeon really doesn’t know what he was thinking, but hey– sometimes he doesn’t think things through as much as he should– and that’s why when a particular photo comes into his best friend’s sight, turning the camera towards Juyeon with a shiteating grin on his face, the question ‘Who’s that?’ makes the poor boy a bit shaken.
His tall figure, standing alongside someone shorter– you, in your vampire costume, fake blood running down the side of your mouth, a hand thrown over his shoulders and your side pressed into his a bit too close as he stares down onto you with an obviously star-struck face, suit covering his body in a poor attempt at Joker’s costume– the moment stares back at him like a haunted memory.
He clears his throat. “That’s… that’s just Y/N.”
Hyunjae hums, having a staring contest with the picture on the screen. The date on the bottom reads 31/10/23, the last day of Juyeon’s stay before he had to go home. “How come I’ve never heard about Y/N?”
“There wasn’t much to say, I guess,” Juyeon shrugs, taking a sip from the bottle of beer on the table.
“Sure…” Hyunjae doubtingly nods, scrunching up his nose in disbelief.
“I’m serious. She’s just a friend I met there,” Juyeon offers, licking his lips in nerves.
And it’s the truth– you were just a friend and there really wasn’t much to say about you two– so why does Juyeon’s heart hurt a bit as he recognizes the events of the night as if it happened yesterday? Why does he feel nostalgic, maybe a little bitter about the way you two left off?
Hyunjae doesn’t know, but there’s quite a few reasons why he never heard about you in the first place. Some were the cause of Juyeon’s insecurities in himself, some the cause of your relationship status, all the cause of his unrequited love and the way you broke his heart, making the whole memory of Paris a bit hazy and bittersweet and the leave, paradoxically, that much harder.
But still– and maybe you’re the reason for it–
oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.
31/10/2023
The buzzing of the room makes Juyeon’s already thumping head ache in its crevices, the smell of alcohol in the breath of everyone talking to him only making his stomach twist and turn with acid. He’s had his fair amount of drinks himself, but there is a very faint line between the amount that’s just enough to keep him going through the night and the amount that makes him puke and have a two-week hangover, and with the flight home he has to take tomorrow afternoon, he doesn’t think drinking more would be a good idea.
“Don’t break it!” Juyeon tiredly hurries out as he sees his friend Marco handle his camera, the device almost falling out of the foreign friend’s hands.
“I won’t! Hold on, let me just–” the Italian mutters, the coating of vodka shots and the cheap red wine (made to look like blood to keep things festive) making his words slur together as he speaks.
Juyeon reaches towards his drunk friend (while also questioning how he’s going to take a plane back to Italy tomorrow in a very hungover state) and tries to pray the prized possession out of his hands, but comes to a fail as the tall man waves him off with a theatral arm wave, shoving the poor boy towards the white wall and putting the camera up against his own face. “I’ll take your picture! So you can– you only take pictures of us, Juyo,” he rambles on, “I’ll take your picture so you can show it at home to your friends!” Marco grins, having Juyeon aimlessly sigh and stretch out his lips into a fake smile, waiting for his friend to take the picture so he can get his camera back to safety.
“Me too! Me too!” he suddenly hears from somewhere to his right, and before he has the chance to decipher the owner of the female voice, a weight on his shoulder tells him you just jumped at his side– almost topping him over and into the spooky decorations to his right– as you giggle into his ear. “Have it?”
“Aaaalmost!” Marco stretches out as he squints at the camera– and in the spare few seconds before the shutter goes off, Juyeon allows himself to stare down at your figure glued to his side. You’re wearing a dark lipstick on your smile, a drip of fake blood rolling down the side of your mouth. There’s a corset top enveloping your middle and a flowy black skirt only pulling the whole look together even with the absence of fangs– and while you don’t suck out his blood, Lee Juyeon can physically feel how you sucked out all oxygen out of his lungs in your sexy vampire costume.
He’s seen you around tonight, but he never got the courage to walk up to you. Something about this being his last night in Paris might be the reason why.
He was simply too bummed out about how things between you and him never went further than fits of laughter in class as you helped him with his French, or friendly hugs when you bid him goodbye at the corner of his street. Maybe it was his own fault for falling for someone so out of his reach. He always knew his stay in France was temporary– hell, he was an exchange student, he was aware of what he was getting himself into– but still, he couldn’t help but recognize the familiar warmth in his stomach whenever you were around and the strange racing of his heart whenever you were close enough for him to smell your shampoo for what it was. He was completely, utterly smitten with you– a french local that would be erased out of his lifestyle as soon as he lands back home in Korea.
The shutter of the camera is all it takes to break his train of thought, making him snap his head back to his Italian friend. A sigh of relief is heard in the room as Juyeon finally reunites with his digital camera (he was surprised to see Marco let go of it so easily), and before he has the chance to think of a conversation topic to indulge in with you, you have his words catching in his throat at your own pace of speech.
“Have you been here for long?” you ask, flattering your eyelashes at him. Juyeon gasps before he presses his lips together into a tight line, shrugging.
“A bit.”
“Why haven’t you said hi?” you frown. “You said it’s your last night! You wouldn’t leave without a goodbye, would you?” you shake your head at him, playfully poking his shoulder with your pointer finger.
He was going to. Not anymore, he guesses.
“No,” he disagrees instead, “I was gonna look for you when it was my turn to leave,” he quickly comes up with an explanation, having your features relax as a warm smile overtakes your pretty features again.
Even with your face all bloody and your eyes having dark circles under them from eyeshadow (and mascara that weared off a little, which you were completely unaware of), Juyeon finds you absolutely, utterly and fascinatingly beautiful. He’s glad no one is able to read his inner monologue– or else he’d be the one with blood running down the side of his face. If the punch to seal the cut would be coming from you or your boyfriend, he’s not quite sure.
Maybe both. The main thing is, you’re taken and his feelings aren’t reciprocated.
Which is why his silly crush on you that maybe, just maybe, turned into something more meaningful was that much damaging to his poor soul.
Because Juyeon swears he never loved anyone before, but after spending the night with you drinking cheap wine in his empty dorm room on his birthday completely alone– since it fell on a Sunday this year and he didn’t have that many friends yet to celebrate with, only having spending 2 weeks in Paris at the time– during which you taught him French swear words and kissed his cheek goodbye (which he thought may be a cultural thing, although he wasn’t sure); after all of this, he felt like you’re the person he’ll think of when someone asks him about his first love when he's old.
And even if he had the balls to do anything about it (which he didn’t), he simply couldn’t. You were out of reach.
“You’d better,” you hum, “or else I’d hitchhike a plane and come over to Korea just to kick your ass.”
“You can’t hitchhike a plane, you weirdo.”
You sigh, shaking your head. “Of course I can. Watch me.”
Juyeon finds himself grinning at the adorable determination in your voice. It makes him feel a certain type of way that he knows he shouldn’t– but after spending 10 months with the feelings (5 of which you were single, 5 of which you’ve spent dating your boyfriend) and absorbing the idea of leaving you and everything behind tomorrow, Juyeon no longer feels as guilty about the act of loving you. Not anymore– not tonight.
“I like your costume,” Juyeon comments, pointing to the attire you’ve dressed yourself in.
“Really?” your eyes light up. “Look, I even wore the bow my idiot of a boyfriend said looks tacky,” you say, making a little twirl for the man. Your skirt flows nicely in the air and you stumble a bit due to the alcohol in your system, but when Juyeon catches you by your forearms and steadies you, there’s a content smile sitting on your lips despite your previous sentence.
“It looks pretty on you,” Juyeon hums, nodding. “It’s not tacky at all.”
“I always knew you had more taste than him,” you sigh dramatically, making Juyeon question your actions.
Oh?
“Anyways, I like your costume as well,” you comment.
“Thanks,” he says, although his half-assed attempt at a Joker’s costume wasn’t anywhere near your level of preciseness, “Shotaro was supposed to go as Harley to match with me, but he pulled out of it at the last minute,” Juyeon pouts.
“Gosh! That would’ve been fucking amazing,” you laugh, swatting your friend in the arm playfully– the way you always do when you laugh– but as you come down from it, there’s a bitter tone in your voice. “I asked my boyfriend to wear a couple’s costume too, but he said all my costume ideas were lame.”
“Y/N–” Juyeon starts, wanting to speak up about the matter very obviously present in the conversation, wanting to console you, say anything, but you cut him off again– your courtesy– with a shrug and a grin on your face made to mask your true emotions (didn't work. Juyeon knows you too well).
“It’s okay. That’s why I dressed up as a slutty vampire just to spite him,” you say.
“What’s his costume?” Juyeon asks.
“Not sure. I think he just bought the Scream mask, or something,” you mutter, rolling your eyes at the male.
And now, Juyeon was never big on gossip. But if gossiping meant poking fun at your boyfriend, the last night before his plane back home takes off is not the time he’s passing on a snarky comment. “Lame.”
“I’m so glad we are on the same page, Juyo.”
His heart leaps at the nickname– a lot of people call him that, but the tone you say it in, the sweet melody of your voice as you throw it at him like a promise (of everything and nothing at all– you’re fond of him, but never fond enough), only you have this effect on him when you call him that. He wishes he had you saying his name recorded, documented somewhere on his phone, your accent and all, so he could hear you say it when he foolishly misses you in the middle of the night, like he knows he will when he lays awake at home, in his tiny, silent room.
“Do you want to get out for a bit? It’s getting too hot in here,” you say as you wave yourself, hoping to cool off, but failing miserably with the heat created from the bodies swimming through the house, and Juyeon finds himself nodding at your question.
Your feet drag you outside of the house, the cold breeze instantly cooling down your sweaty bodies. You two stand on the front porch together, watching the world around you revolve in a fast, yet slow manner– there are couples making out in the corner of the yard, one of them pressed up against the tree, and friends chasing each other down in zombie costumes, passing by bottles of alcohol between each other.
Juyeon hears you hum, making him turn his head towards you and see you offering a cigarette to him. He'd never been much of a smoker before, but Europe taught him to never turn down a cigarette when offered, and so he only takes out one out of the pack, watching you mirror his movements. You fish for your lighter in your bra (and Juyeon finds himself too mesmerized to look away during the action), clicking it and putting the flame against the cigarette trapped between his lips.
He doesn’t know what it is about the action that makes his eyes hooded as he watches you– noticing the forgotten speck of glitter from some step of your makeup routine under your eye, making him want to swipe his thumb over it and take it off for you– but he can’t get his gaze off you as he breaths in the smoke, his head going more fuzzy than it has been only a few minutes prior.
When Juyeon’s cigarette is lit, you move to light your own, all while the male watches you with almost a dreamy look on his face. Somehow, he’s glad no one’s watching you. He doesn’t think he would be able to conceal his feelings for you tonight.
“Are you gonna miss this?” you suddenly ask, looking up at him from his right.
You? Absolutely.
“I think so,” he nods, “it’s a lot different to home, but I made a lot of memories here.”
He watches a hint of smile spreading over your features. “Do you remember when you accidentally told our professor you were horny instead of excited?” you laugh.
“Oh, shut up,” Juyeon laughs at the memory. His French never really got to a perfect level– that’s why most of you settled on speaking English between each other– but the first few weeks were a living hell of a language barrier for Lee Juyeon. “The more concerning part is that this is what made you approach me,” he notes.
“Well, I recognised that you needed help, and I was willing to provide it,” you say, taking a drag out of the cigarette and blowing the smoke into his face.
Juyeon looks at you through the smoke cloud, snickering. “I’m kinda grateful, though. You were the first friend I made here.”
You look at him with a tender look– something so full of care Juyeon swears he feels his stomach doing somersaults– before you press your lips into a solemn smile. “Well, I’m honored, Juyeon Lee,” you drag out in a posh accent, making the boy break out into a laugh.
He takes another drag off the cigarette, inviting the nicotine into his system. Mixed with the alcohol in his veins and your aura surrounding him, he almost feels on cloud 9, like he’s flowing in space and he can’t get down. He watches as you lean over the railing of the porch, forearms meeting with the metal in a set of goosebumps. Breeze flies through the air, making your barely-clothed figure shiver.
He knows he probably shouldn’t. Your boyfriend is somewhere inside, and although you two are seemingly in a weird sort of fight, it’s not his place to act as a gentleman.
Still, Juyeon finds he has nothing to lose. He shrugs off the suit jacket he’s been wearing and drapes it over your shoulders wordlessly, noticing the way you look back at him over your shoulder with a soft smile on your lips.
A comforting silence overtakes you two. Juyeon takes the last drag off the cigarette and puts it out on the iron railing, enjoying the effect your sheer presence has on him. The music coming out of inside is only a mere background noise now, providing him an occasional distraction to the buzzing of his own thoughts.
“Say, Juyo,” you start, “do you know where Dorothy lives?” you ask.
Juyeon hums in disagreement. “Don’t think I do. Why?”
“I’m sleeping over at hers tonight,” you mumble, mentioning your best friend– the girl Juyeon’s met plenty of times in the 10 months of knowing you. “I was supposed to stay at Andre’s, but I’m not talking to him right now.”
“Oh,” is all Juyeon says. The mention of your boyfriend always throws him off the track a little.
“I dunno where Dorothy went, but I’m getting kind of sleepy.”
“Why can’t you just go home?” he asks.
“Juyo,” you laugh, “my parents would kill me if I got home tipsy and smelling like cigarette smoke. Don’t you know how they are?” you joke, shaking your head in disbelief.
He doesn’t. He kind of wishes he had the chance to know, though– because if he knew your parents, maybe it would imply something. Signify something more.
“Do you want me to walk you to Dorothy’s?”
“Yeah,” you nod, lids heavy. Juyeon doesn’t know what time it is, but the last time he checked, it was well past midnight– he doesn’t think he’d stay around much longer himself.
“Okay,” he nods, watching as you slowly peel yourself off the railing and wear his suit jacket properly, the fabric drowning you, but keeping you warm. The sight, the sentiment of it, makes Juyeon’s hands shake and his throat go dry. You’re so close, yet so out of his reach.
Your feet are slow as you march towards the direction of your best friend’s house. Juyeon doesn’t know how far it is, but he wishes for you to take the long way home– if those are the last moments he has with you, he wants to drag the evening out the best he can.
The night is quiet. The only thing ringing in your ears is the sound of your own footsteps, when Juyeon surprises himself with the question that noisily cuts out of his throat.
“Why don’t you break up with him?” he asks.
He expects you to go mad at the question– you were known to have quite the fierce temper. You and Andre have had a few problems in the past: he was known to be reckless with his snarky comments that somehow hurt your pride, his nasty behavior when he got drunk, and the not-so-happy opinion your parents had of him. You were known to blow things out of proportion, screaming, crying and making a scene whenever you could if you thought it was appropriate, known to talk about your conflicts with your friends and digging out opinions out of them on the matter.
Juyeon always made sure to give you lukewarm arguments whenever you asked him about your boyfriend. Never too heated to make himself seem suspicious. Your relationship was none of his business.
Again– tonight, though, he has nothing to lose.
“I dunno,” you shrug, your steps a little uneven on the pavement, “it’s… a matter of habit, maybe? It’s weird,” you say.
The explanation gives Juyeon just about nothing. A matter of habit? Is it a habit to stay with someone? Was there not more needed for a relationship?
Juyeon doesn’t find it in him to reply. Instead, he lets you talk.
“I think I might love him, or something. I’m not really sure…” you mumble, the sentences breaking Juyeon’s heart a little by little, shattering it right in front of you on the pavement, “because if I didn’t, why else would I put up with all of this?” you ask, not really expecting an answer.
“All the shaming, the spiteful remarks. The pettiness, the silent treatment… tell me, Juyo, do I have any dignity?” you laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.
“Y/N…”
The snicker that escapes out of you quickly turns bitter. Your body grows impossibly closer to his, your hands sneaking around his bicep. You walk with linked arms, your head falling to his shoulder. “I don’t think I really love him, though,” you suddenly rebuttal, “‘cause like… I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t tell my grandkids about Andre, y’know? I think that’s the way you know. If you can imagine thinking so fondly about someone that you… that you’d mention them even in 50 years, ‘cause the memories still feel fresh and you’re delighted you once knew them, then…” you trail off, voice fading.
“Do you know what I mean?” you hum, pouting.
He does know.
“Sorry, I’m rambling–”
“No, I get you,” he reassures you, nodding to himself.
“You always do,” you sigh, breaking Juyeon’s heart into a million pieces, “anyways, with that being said… I think I’m with him only because breaking up is too much of a hassle. And, I think I like the attention,” you splutter, laughing at yourself, “that’s… so desperate of me, I know. I’m starting to doubt if it’s even worth it.”
“He’s not,” Juyeon finds himself saying as you two cross the corner.
“You’re only saying that as my friend.”
“No, I’m saying that as your– as someone who cares…?” he stutters, mentally kicking himself for sounding so readable. Surely, you must’ve already noticed. If not from his current statement, then from the way he looked at you the whole night. You are a smart girl– you were always quick to point out the men that would soon hit on you when you were at the club. You have a good eye when it comes to others.
You only laugh, though. Oh, how Juyeon loves the sound.
“Thank you,” you hum.
You two fall silent for a while. Juyeon finds himself enjoying it. It feels comfortable– to walk with you through the emptied Paris, accompanied by the yellow lampposts and soulless streets. Only you two, your linked arms and his suit jacket around your shoulders.
“We’re at Dorothy’s,” you muse when your steps come to a halt, gesturing towards the silent, dark house on the other side of the street, “I think she’s not home yet, though. Her light would be on.”
Chewing on the inside of his cheek, Juyeon looks from the house and back at you, then back at the seemingly empty house again. “And now what?”
“I have to wait for her,” you shrug, “will you… keep me company?”
You don’t even have to ask. He’d always keep you company.
“Well, I’m not just gonna let you stand alone in the street in the middle of the night, am I?” he playfully shakes his head in disbelief, but secretly enjoys the fact that he has more time with you before you have to pay each other goodbye.
“Always knew you were a gentleman.”
“Pretty sure that was my middle name,” he notes.
“I thought you said that was ‘handsome’ once?”
“I have two,” he laughs.
“Is that possible?” you tease.
“Of course! Look it up,” he says, turning to you as he talks. “My name’s actually Lee Handsome Gentleman Juyeon, it’s on my ID and everything,” he jokes, watching as your eyes turn into moon crescents and your throat lets out a fit of amused giggles.
Another playful punch to his shoulder. A happy sigh. A shake of your head, full of disbelief.
“Damn, Juyo. I’ll miss you like crazy, you know?” you suddenly utter, making the boy’s heart fall down into his stomach. The implication of your words sounds a lot like a goodbye, and although he was aware of the fact that he was leaving before, he doesn’t think he really let the reality down on him until now.
This time tomorrow, there will be no Paris. No Marco. No Shotaro. No Bence. No French locals, no bagels for breakfast, no shitty ass dorm room.
No you.
“I’ll miss you more,” he says. He thinks he’s right.
You’ll miss him like a friend. He’ll miss you like his first love.
You stare at him for a heartbeat. One, two– before you latch onto him, much like when you first met tonight. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him close, head resting on his shoulder only when you notice his hands wrapping around your middle. Breathing in your scent, Juyeon focuses very hard to keep his heart rate in check– it’s hard to not falter under your touch when your nose buries itself into his neck, cold skin nuzzling into his hot one, hands squeezing him tighter.
Juyeon doesn’t think you’ve ever hugged him like this before.
And now, you won’t ever again.
You break away from him only enough to still be in his hold, your forehead resting against his. The new intimacy between the two of you makes him gulp, eyes focused into yours– watching the silver and gold swirl around your irises, counting your eyelashes. Noticing the faint mole on the top of your nose bridge.
Foolishly letting his eyes dip lower. Memorizing the shape of your lips with his gaze. Taking in a shaky breath when he feels your fingers playing with the hair on his nape.
“Will you tell your grandkids about Paris?” you ask, voice barely louder than a whisper. Juyeon would almost think you’re suggesting something with your question, but when you speak up again, the suspicion is proved correct. “Will you tell them about me?”
The boy drags his eyes up back to yours. He examines the intention. He finalizes that he has nothing left to lose.
Tomorrow, this will all be a memory. A moment out of his reach– much like you, all this time. A moment of time he experienced and won’t ever get back.
“I will,” he nods, swallowing. “Will you?”
You smile at the boy, the curve of your lips capturing his attention again. If anyone asked, he’d tell them it’s pure biology– the way his eyes zoomed in on your mouth the moment your expression changed. That’s how attention fluctuates– he learned about it in class somewhere, he’s fairly certain.
Why he’s unable to look back into your eyes after the question is a matter of something else, though.
“I think I might,” you breathe out.
There’s buzzing in his fingertips as he relishes the moment. The sentiment makes his knees weak, his brain fuzzy, his sight blurry and a little hazed. When he finally catches a glimpse of your gaze, he finds it glued to his mouth.
He could take it as an invitation.
He won’t, though.
“Kiss me?” you ask, whispering.
He shakes his head in disapproval. “I can’t.”
Not when you’re taken. Not when he’s aware. Not when he knows you might regret this in the morning.
“Can I kiss you, then?” you ask.
That, however, is a whole other situation.
You asked to. You're making the first step. He doesn't have to feel guilty– who cares whether either of you might regret this decision tomorrow.
A simple nod–
that’s all it takes before you lock your lips with his. Your mouths move against each other with a passion he’s contained for his whole stay. You taste like vodka and orange juice, the slickness of your lip gloss making Juyeon’s lips slide against yours with more ease. He kisses you like you’d kiss your first love– with everything in him, with everything he is.
He kisses you in a way that shows he wants to remember this forever. In a way that makes you lean even closer, pressing up firmly against him as you angle your head to make the kiss deeper. One of your hands moves from behind his head to twist itself deeper into his hair, tugging a little at the root to make the boy gasp under your actions. That has you inviting your tongue into his mouth, eager to taste him, to explore.
Juyeon doesn’t think he’s ever been kissed like this. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so vulnerable, so open while kissing someone. This is him with his heart on a plate, naked and ready to be stabbed, squished by the weight of circumstances breathing onto his back.
His cold fingers move along your sides. Your hands settle on his shoulders to steady yourself, head pulling away to gasp for oxygen.
You look so pretty when he opens his eyes. Lipstick smudged and eyes blown out, hair a little messy from the October wind. He’s like an addict presented with his favorite drug– he can’t get enough, he can’t resist as he chases after you, leaving kisses along your jaw and the corner of your mouth, where the blood is, slowly meeting your lips again in another lock.
Everything else disappears. In this moment, there’s just you, you, you…
No flights. No weight of his own conscience. No boyfriends, no unsaid feelings.
No regret.
And Juyeon thought he had nothing to lose, but suddenly, with you in his arms, he feels as if he’s being stripped of everything he never even had, only got the glimpse of last minute, a few hours before he’s gone.
You lean away again. Juyeon watches you with big eyes. A smile appears on your face as you move a finger up to his face, cleaning up the side of his mouth off the dark lipstick you’ve imprinted on him. He feels fragile under your touch. One bad move and he breaks, falls apart under you.
“You have to come back to visit one day,” you whisper, cradling the side of his face.
Juyeon nods. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get the chance.
But as you stand on your tippy toes and press a kiss to his forehead, making a million different fireworks erupt in his stomach, he doesn’t let himself think of that (im)possibility. He watches as you smile at him, locking your eyes in a gaze tender and soft, yet electrifying, holding something special.
Before you take off to meet your best friend walking up the other side of the street, you hug him one last time and whisper into his ear.
“Goodbye, Juyo.”
Seeing as you lock your arms with Dorothy, walking up into the silent house and never looking back, Juyeon lets himself feel the last hint of longing for someone he always knew would never be his. And it’s strange, because he hasn’t even left yet,
but oh, how he’d love to go to Paris again.
#deoboyznet#the boyz#juyeon#lee juyeon#tbz#the boyz x reader#the boyz angst#the boyz fluff#juyeon x reader#juyeon fluff#juyeon angst#lee juyeon x reader#lee juyeon angst#lee juyeon fluff#tbz x reader#tbz fluff#tbz angst#juyeon scenario#juyeon fic
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🎵 Pretty woman, walking down the street, pretty woman, the kind I’d like to meet, pretty woman. 🎵
Let’s go!! Time for 💎 Pet 💎
- ‘Ancel was a virgin the first twelve times he has sex. The thirteenth time, it lacked all plausibility’ - What a way to start a story and give insight into the world Ancel lives in.
- You would be SHOCKED how much us redheads get the “does the carpet match the drapes” question from total strangers. Ancel is really living the authentic ginger experience. 😂
- In the times of ancient Greeks and Romans, redheaded slaves were more expensive because they were rarer. In that way, Ancel was designed perfectly to align with his character. Love that choice by Pacat! ♥️
- Ancel has a goal and I respect it, and he’s never once tried to hide it. It’s pretty clear that his love of expensive things comes from having very little at the start of life.
- It’s interesting to gain the perspective of a character detached from the thought of sex being emotionally significant. A first night was everything to Erasmus, and sex is hugely tied in with intimacy and emotional connection for Laurent. Jord and Aimeric fell in love while having sex. Whereas sex, to Ancel, is a means to an end. It’s literally his job.
- Love the implication that pets have their own hierarchy and contracts are fiercely competitive. They have their own little community.
- Ancel uses everything he has to his advantage to incredible effect. He’s pretty, witty, and talented. Whenever he walks into a room it’s like that scene from ‘How to Lose Friends and Alienate People’ where Megan Fox walks through the middle of the pool. Lol
- Now this may be the deeply ingrained European stereotypes I grew up with, but in the same way Laurent is French and Damen is Greek, Berenger is 100% German.
- You always get the sense that even though Ancel is bold and daring, he’s still tiptoeing and walking on eggshells. He completely reinvents himself for every new master he has.
- Haha Isagoras! - very on the nose and I love it
- It makes perfect sense that Ancel can’t read and cares little for long epics and poems. I’d be willing to bet though, that he has an amazing memory because of this. Uneducated does not equal unintelligent.
- Love that Ancel’s there all wide eyed like “yes! Please teach me to ride!” while internally he’s like “ew ew ew”. Don’t blame him. Horses are terrifying.
- I like that Berenger does find out Ancel is faking his interests and tells him that he doesn’t have to pretend. From there, Ancel is clearly more himself and more comfortable.
- In addition, although he’s a creature of habit, Berenger is actually really sweet 🥺🥺
- “Luxury suits you” “hell yeah it does.”
- I am so fascinated by Ancel and Erasmus existing in the same social sphere, and Ancel wondering why Erasmus doesn’t use the fact he’s beautiful for power, and dammit I’m going to have to write that fic, aren’t I? 😭
- Ancel and Berenger are mismatched but that’s what works so well about them with Berenger negotiating and Ancel naturally drawing attention to himself. They make up for one another’s differences.
- Ancel giving Berenger fashion advice, and Berenger ignoring it every time in favour of ✨another brown jacket✨
- I’m also liking the implication that Ancel enjoys being a pet and gaining attention for power because he knows what it’s like to be powerless. I personally like to think that he saw Nicaise’s situation and somewhat understood to a certain degree. I can imagine he would’ve been quite young when he started too.
- Fun fact! Ancel’s fire performance is actually reminiscent of a real dance! It’s a Polynesian art called Siva Afi and was traditionally a war dance, except instead of burning cloth on the ends of the baton, there are burning knives. Very cool! 🔥
- Ancel 🤝 Kris Jenner - all publicity is good publicity and I will make billionaires out of a scandal and watch people be jealous.
- The kiss being the first implication that Berenger actually does desire Ancel. Ooh boy, you ain’t hiding that much longer.
- The kiss is also the catalyst for Berenger ending the contract, and I can imagine that Ancel is so confused as to what he did wrong, not realising the circumstances behind the decision. 😞
- It’s absolutely wild looking back on the garden scene from a different perspective and realising that absolutely no one wanted that mess to happen.
- “You’re old.” - once again, ouch.
- Ancel being annoyed at seeing the lords go and ‘coddle’ Erasmus serves to highlight the wildly different appeals Ancel and Erasmus have as pets. Bold and daring vs. Sweet and modest. They would be unstoppable as friends. Shit, I’m really going to have to write that fic now, or read one that hopefully some talented person out there has written already 🙏
- Love that Ancel doesn’t rat Berenger out to the Regent - the Regent doesn’t even want him, and I’m sure Ancel is faintly remembering Nicaise mentioning that he’s “too old” 🤢
- And then the big reveal that Berenger was trying to protect Ancel as he supported Laurent’s bid for the throne; and Ancel realising that Berenger does, in fact, like him. Callback to “isn’t everyone looking for someone to be loyal to?” Sensational.
- I also, for my personal brain rot reasons, need Laurent and Ancel to strike up a bargain by which Ancel listens to all the pet gossip and rats out to Laurent which of the masters are disobeying the new laws of underaged pets or are undermining the new monarchy and union. All in return for a little coin of course 😉
- Ancel and Berenger: what a great little mismatched but perfectly matched pair! Really enjoyed this rendition of pretty woman! 😂
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extremely long essay-adjacent post about female representation in the captive prince
capri is interesting bc i dislike the lack of female characters, but knowing the way that people are treated in vere and akielos, i kinda feel relieved that we don’t see many women.
like idk, gender stuff is complicated. it is a double standard, that seeing female characters in the same positions as the men in these books would just feel different. given how women have been treated and continue to be treated in real life society, it’s almost escapist fantasy within itself to see this world where we don’t have to really look too hard at women being abused and oppressed. and in addition to real life, we get that in plenty of fiction already, written mostly by men, often in a way that feels condescending or fetishizing.
capri’s male-dominated cast comes at the expense of really seeing women on the page, but the few female characters do seem to be intentionally written in positions that don’t feel disempowering or misogynistic. vannes holds her position of authority through similar means to the powerful men, and she’s just as morally questionable as the rest—no exceptions are made. jokaste is authoritative simply by her characterization, and uses her femininity in as a tool to put herself in higher stations. like, that woman has a uterus and she knows how to use it to her advantage. and then there’s the vaskian women, like this entirely separate matriarchal warrior society, and we really only get a peek into whatever the hell they have going on.
we know, logically, that there are plenty of female slaves and pets and prostitutes, almost undoubtedly abused and undervalued wives of men in the nobility. the regent's court is male-dominated by choice. kastor, i would bet, is similarly misogynistic. the male characters we follow are explicit misogynists, gay and disinterested in women, or like legally forbidden from any heterosexual romance they might want to have. gender roles and sexual taboos run deep in this world. we know that women are out there, suffering, just like damen and erasmus and laurent. but pacat shows us women who are not suffering instead. and that, to me, is something.
but like, i think the instance of womanhood that’s most interesting to me in the series is actually the absence of it in laurent and damen’s lives. the characters and story we follow are so steeped in masculinity and patriarchy—but there are women in this world. they are up to things, and i think pacat has given their existence thought. i can't know her intentions for sure, but i sense that she might have made them absent in our protagonist’s lives for a reason.
becauseeeee who is the person to finally Beat the regent? a female character who you are meant to ignore, who appears to be a random bystander, but reveals herself to be mindful and caring. a woman who, just like damen and laurent in book 1, is relatively powerless in this society but left with very little to lose. loyse is the closest thing to like… a just kinda average woman we see in this entire series. she’s not partaking in the debauchery of veretian, akielion, or vaskian nobility. she’s not playing power games with her body or sexuality. she’s basically just, like, the normalest person in the room, full of people like fifteen feet deep in a pool of power struggles, sexual depravity, manipulation, politics, and war strategy. she has her head above water, at least after aimeric’s death. that isn’t a gendered quality by nature, and i hate the implication that women are more likely to be level-headed, good advocates or caretakers, etc… but i don’t think that’s what i’m trying to say here at all.
because loyse, like… isn’t a perfect mother. she either completely missed or knowingly enabled horrible things happening to her son because her husband wanted to social climb. i’m not sure if she knew, during aimeric’s childhood, exactly what was going on with guoin, the regent, and aimeric. it might say somewhere (i hope it does!) but my skimming yielded nothing. i think it would make the most sense if loyse only found out after aimeric’s death, like on the road with guion and the main characters. she clearly spoke to laurent about it at some point, and didn’t tell guion that she planned to testify against him. regardless of when she found out, she’s just over it all at the trial, and finally speaks her mind.
loyse being a woman doesn’t inherently make her more likely to be wise or compassionate than the main characters—but it’s more like, idk, being so far removed from the very male-centric story that we see, it allows a character like her to have the clarity to essentially defeat the final boss everyone else has been struggling to fight for three entire books. loyse really just said, “hi. fuck you all. my son is dead because my asshole husband made a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ with him as a bargaining chip. i’m not delusional, i know this is wrong, and im not going to shut up about it to appease this depraved and cowardly court. also the regent killed his brother, because i know you assholes don’t care about my son and never will.” and that is the first domino in the regent’s defeat.
so, like… what if damen and laurent had been written with loyses in their lives? women who weren’t there to have sex with them, in damen’s case? mothers and sisters and friends? what qualities could they have then developed in themselves, so much sooner than they do in the series?
if more of these characters were women—if more women were Involved In The Story, in general—would it have been as brutal or difficult as it was? could things have been better communicated, would social reform have happened sooner? would damen and laurent (especially laurent) have had the same experiences that so strongly define who they are? it’s a slippery slope to assign traits to gender, i know, but i think there is something to be said for the different ways men and women handle intellectual and emotional problems—especially if they’ve been socialized heavily based on their gender, which does seem to be the case for this world. if damen had a mother or a sister or a simply platonic female friend, do you think he would have more quickly realized some of his own ethical blind spots re: sex and consent? if laurent had a mother or sister or female friend, do you think he would have been protected from the regent, and given more opportunities to feel safe and unsexualized? if there were actual authoritative women in the venetian royal bloodline, would the regent have been able to take over, and make the court so male-dominated in the first place?
it’s like that meme, “x media (image of giant book), x media if character had a gun (very short book).” i think, fundamentally, that capri would not have been able to tell the same story if more female characters were involved. and to be clear—that is not an excuse to exclude female characters, because i fucking love female characters. it would almost certainly be a better series with more women thoughtfully involved, but the point is, it wouldn’t be the same. and i do admire that pacat seems to understand that there are differences between men and women, in many ways, and doesn’t just like… write a character she means to be a dude, and then genderswap. or write an character who’s in essence genderless, insert them into this very gendered society, and then spin a wheel to see what pronouns they use.
i’m not sure exactly what point i’m trying to make here, but i’ll leave two related excerpts for your consideration. actually, yes, i do know my point, and i’ll say it with conviction: simply thinking to put female characters in a story, does not make it a story with thoughtful female characters. and capri, as a series, is defined by its thoughtfulness to me. i cannot fully commit to the suggestion that its lack of female characters is inherently misogynistic, because i think that lack of female presence is a character within itself. and more than anything, it’s an ongoing flaw of fandoms in general, people in general, to either want women to be 1) absent, so they’re not in the way of the men’s stories or 2) simple and archetypical, to check a box for inclusion. but there are other options. i like those options more.
to truly want female representation in a misogynistic world is to want to see the complexity of womanhood, both in its presence and its absence. and i think if cs pacat ever decided to take on a female perspective, intentionally, as the main point of a piece of writing, it would be masterfully done. i would love to see her write women, but i want those women to truly be the main characters. and i never want to tell anyone what they should want to write about.
capri is what it is. and to its credit, i do believe that this series both considers and values the female perspective much more than the fandom seems to acknowledge. the real problem to me rests with fandom and the society it reflects, rather than the story or its author.
excerpt #1, from the summer palace by cs pacat, author of the captive prince series:
‘My mother planted these gardens,’ said Damen. His heart was pounding. ‘Do you like them? They’re ours now.’ Saying the word “ours” still felt daring. He could feel it mirrored in Laurent, the shy awkwardness of what was so dearly desired. ‘I like them,’ said Laurent. ‘I think they’re beautiful.’ Laurent’s fingers found his again, a small intimacy that had him overbrimming. ‘I don’t think about her often. Only when I come here.’ ‘You don’t take after her.’ ‘Oh?’ ‘Her statue in Ios is three feet tall.’ The corner of Damen’s mouth twitched. He knew the statue, on a plinth in the north hall. ‘There’s a statue of her here. Come and meet her.” It was part of the nonsense they were sharing, a whim, to show Laurent. He tugged; they came to an arched open garden. ‘I take it back, you’re just like her.’ Laurent said it looking up. The statue here was bigger. Damen was smiling; there was delight in seeing Laurent explore himself, a young man who was sweet, teasing, at times unexpectedly earnest. Having made the decision to let Damen in, Laurent had not gone back on it. When the walls went up, it was with Damen inside them. But when Laurent came to stand in front of the statue of his mother, the mood changed to something more serious, as if prince and statue were communicating with each other. Unlike in Patras, it wasn’t the custom in Akielos to paint statues. His mother Egeria looked out towards the sea with a marble face and marble eyes, even though she’d had dark hair and eyes like himself and his father. He saw her through Laurent’s eyes, the old-fashioned dress of marble, the curled hair, her high, classical brow and outraised arm. Damen realised that he didn’t know how tall his mother really was. He had never asked about it, and had never been told. Laurent made a formal Akielon gesture that matched his chiton and the gardens, but was different to his habitual Veretian manners. Damen felt his skin prickle with strangeness. It was part of Akielon courtship to seek permission from a parent. If things had been different, Damen might have knelt in the great hall in front of King Aleron, asking for the right to court his youngest son. It was not that way between them. All their family was dead. ‘I’ll take care of your son,’ said Laurent. ‘I’ll protect his kingdom as if it were my own. I’ll give my life for his people.’ Above them, the sun was high and bright, and encouraged a retreat to the shade line. The boughs of the trees around them were heavy with scent. Laurent said, ‘I won’t let him down. I promise you.’
and an excerpt from the captive prince fan wiki.
#capri#sam reads capri#(kinda)#captive prince#prince's gambit#kings rising#laurent of vere#damen of akielos#okay i went pretty hard on this one ngl#PLEASE share your thoughts
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Whb characters reacting to Mc teaching them a cultural dance
I'm in an Erasmus as I'm writing this and I need to put my pookies in every scenario of my life to be complete.
Satan is very open to learning about other cultures. He would follow in your steps making sure he doesn't make a mistake. He's surprisingly good at this and he'll swoop you away with his smooth moves. Would teach you traditional dances from Gehenna as well so you'll be able to understand your cultures better. Starts with the hardest one so you'll get annoyed at him. It's not his fault you don't have the stamina of a demon.
Sitri would gladly do anything you ask of him. He's also very good at dancing and he's a swift learner, which makes him a wonderful dance partner. He would tell you a lot about how he remembers all the other dances you (read: Solomon) thought him and he's more than happy to remind you of them. As long as you're in his company, he's the happiest demon alive.
Gamigin has two left feet, so, please have mercy on his poor soul. He'll get the hang of it eventually and he'll be so happy for doing so. If it's a dance that requires more people, he'll gladly take the whole of Paradise Lost and dance alongside them. No, the staff stays with him even during the dance. He's very excited to learn about your culture and he'll bombard you with questions left and right. Would constantly ask you if you want to dance with him once more or if you know other dances. Asks Jjok to record him dancing with you and even though the video ends up blury, he'll still treasure it for all the years to come.
Morax is another bad dancer (if we're being honest, only Lucifer can dance from Paradise Lost and he's not doing it for free.) It's fine, if he steps on your feet or hurts you in any other way, he can cure you instantly. He's stiff, and his moves are akward, almost forced (since he has wounds everywhere) but he'll try his best and have a blast doing it. Would hug you at the end of the dance and thank you for sharing it with him. Very polite gentleman.
Barbatos is all for it. You show him a the moves and he picks you up and starts dancing. He's very flexible and willing, so he can bend in whatever way is neccessery. He'll dance with you constantly and he preferes faster dances since he can flex more that way. Would totally ask you to dance with him in the sun, feel your bodies touched by the sun's warm rays as you enjoy eachother's body (not in that way).
#whb#what in hell is bad#whb satan#whb sitri#whb gamigin#whb morax#whb barbatos#this was written with Braşoveanca in mind#also sârbe#I hate teaching people sârbe#they're so hard and my feet hurt afterwards
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DND session yesterday and it's just before the BBEG battle, tensions are high and Sprout has no outlet other than showing the party how sassy of a teenager she is. It comes from a mix of familiarity/friendship with the party + high tensions + she hasn't really got to fight things properly lately = no filter zoomies
List of her teenager grievances in no order: -Got Shhhed cause we cant say 'cursed priests' out loud and while she gets it, she was still really offended -Later on wants to dub calling the cursed priests as cooties -was really disappointed when a chamber holding allies was super easy to open. -proceeds to use heat metal to open and damage the other chambers just because -saddled up next to Rona after she had reunited with an ally who gave her a forehead kiss and proceeds to whisper ask if they like each other (its a fair question! Erasmus gave Rona some of his mothers jewelry) -used knowledge from past life feature but instead of trying to remember her past, uses it like phone a friend with her mushrooms -Tells Rona to tell Velora to chill tf out -"A knife is a plan!." (after finding out we can use cursed daggers to extract Velora's soul from Rona's body) -hasn't yet but would probably call the big ghost dragon we gotta fight a fart cloud (its green and wispy okay)
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Hi friends,
It's been a very great Easter weekend! <3 I've been super productive and very calm! If you're interested in my day, feel free to go to Insta. Again, my Easter to-do list (had to add some things):
University
Studying 350 flashcards of Marketing (big goal haha, big goal)
Solving six mock exams in Statistics
Finishing my work for my Academic Writing module
Organizational Things
Handing in all of my documents for my semester abroad at KEDGE Business School (Bordeaux, France)
Handing my in ERASMUS-documents for the program's scholarship
Handing in my application for BCG's APIRE Women's Workshop in Lisbon
Handing in my application for another scholarship
Preparing for therapy
Handing in my new contract for work
Volunteering/SHFS
Donating to climate NGOs and animal rescue organizations
Contacting renowned climate scientists, asking them to give a talk at my university
Answering your questions
Writing a new post about how to avoid procrastination
I hope you are all very motivated! <3 I love you a lot!
Love, Sophia
#studyblr#motivation to study#study tips#studygram#studying#100 days of productivity#study notes#study blog#studyinspo#study motivation#exams#university student#law school#university studyspo#university studyblr#books and libraries#university#law student#study#quotes
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Common sense is returning.
James Crisp, EUROPE EDITOR 13 April 2024
Dr Hilary Cass said children who think they are transgender should not be given any hormone drugs at all until at least 18 CREDIT: Yui Mok
Belgium and the Netherlands have become the latest countries to question the use of puberty blockers on children after the Cass Review warned of a lack of research on the gender treatment’s long-term effects.
Britain has become the fifth European nation to restrict the use of the drug to those under 18 after initially making them part of their gender treatments.
Their use was based on the “Dutch protocol” - the term used for the practice pioneered in the Netherlands in 1998 and copied around the world, of treating gender dysphoric youth using puberty blockers.
The NHS stopped prescribing the drug, which is meant to curb the trauma of a body maturing into a gender that the patient does not identify with this month.
In Belgium, doctors have called for gender treatment rules to be changed.
Research into impact
“In our opinion, Belgium must reform gender care in children and adolescents following the example of Sweden and Finland, where hormones are regarded as the last resort,” the report by three paediatricians and psychiatrists in Leuven said.
Figures from the Netherlands and the United Kingdom show that more than 95 per cent of individuals who initiated puberty inhibition continue with gender-affirming treatments,” the report by P Vankrunkelsven P, K Casteels K and J De Vleminck said.
“However, when young people with gender dysphoria go through their natural puberty, these feelings will only persist in about 15 per cent.”
The report was published after a 60 per cent rise in the number of Belgium teenagers taking the blockers to stop the development of their bodies. In 2022, 684 people between the ages of nine and 17 were prescribed the drug compared to 432 in 2019, the De Morgen newspaper reported in 2019.
Pressure is also building in the neighbouring Netherlands to look again at their use. The parliament has ordered research into the impact of puberty blockers on adolescent’s physical and mental health.
Dutch protocol
The Telegraph understands that the Amsterdam Center of Expertise on Gender Dysphoria, where the protocol originated, is set to make a statement on the use of puberty blockers next week.
“I too thought that the Dutch gender care was very careful and evidence-based. But now I don’t think that any more,” Jilles Smids, a postdoctoral researcher in medical ethics at Erasmus University in the Netherlands, told The Atlantic.
Attitudes in the Netherlands have hardened against trans rights, with a bill to make it easier for people to legally change their gender being held up in parliament.
The Cass Review said that the NHS had moved away from the restrictions of the original Dutch protocol, and researchers in Belgium have also demanded those restrictions be reintroduced.
Belgium is regarded as one of the most trans-friendly countries in Europe. A minister in the government is transgender and people have been able to legally change their gender without a medical certificate for the past five years.
But the hard-Right Vlaams Belang party is currently leading the polls ahead of national and European elections in June.
It has called for “hormone therapy and sex surgery to be halted for underage patients until clear and concrete research has been carried out.”
‘Greatest ethical scandals’
In March, a report in France described sex reassignment in minors as potentially “one of the greatest ethical scandals in the history of medicine”.
Conservative French senators plan to introduce a bill to ban gender transition treatments for under-18s.
On Monday, the Vatican’s doctrine office published a report that branded gender surgery a grave violation of human dignity on a par with euthanasia and abortion.
Finland was one of the first countries to adopt the Dutch protocol but realised many of its patients did not meet the Protocol’s strict eligibility requirements for the drugs.
It restricted the treatment in 2020 and recommended psychotherapy as the primary care.
Sweden restricted hormone treatments to “exceptional cases” two years later. In December, Norwegian authorities designated the medicine as “under trial”, which means they will only be prescribed to adolescents in clinical trials.
Denmark is finalising new guidelines limiting hormone treatments to teenagers who have had dysphoria since early childhood.
In 2020, Hungary passed a law banning gender changes on legal documents.
“The import and the use of these hormone products are not banned, but subject to case by case approval, however, it is certain that no authority would approve such an application for people under 18,“ a spokesperson told The Telegraph.
In August, Russia criminalised all gender reassignment surgery and hormone treatments.
#Belgium#Netherlands#cass review#Using caution when giving children hormones shouldn't have been controversial in the first place#Dutch protocol#Amsterdam Center of Expertise on Gender Dysphoria#Attitudes haven't hardened against rights for trans people the public just wants a common sense approach to the issue
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Akjdjf your response to my w was so lovely (and imma look forward to that book hehe) but I just love that in the first few pages of the first book we learn that Jack a) is poor b) has no ship and c) taps along to music out of time like when i read that I was like new little guy alert 🥲
Ahhhh, you're so welcome! ❤️
Gosh, yes, it's just like in Hamilton:
"I don't have a dollar to my name,
an acre of land
a troop to command!
He's so broke, so PURE yet so clueless at the time, it's simply impossible NOT to love him<3
#he can't even tap on time whilst listening to music#I LOVE HIM#and you're so welcome!#dont hesitate to scream about books!#but not Ionian mission yet for Im in the middle of The Surgeon's Mate 😂#lovely people ask me questions#and i do my best to reply#but guess who is working all day and night on her Erasmus portfolio instead of have a well deserved break after a hell of a semester at uni#THIS LASS#Aubreyad#JACK AUBREY#beloved#ask#gohoubi#aubrey maturin
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Hi there! First of all, sorry for my english, that's not my first language :p Second, this will probably sound like a weird question but: how is living in England? I went on Erasmus in Brighton a loooong time ago (ten years...) and one of my biggest regret IN LIFE is that I did not have the courage to try and settle there... Now I live in a nice place, but I constantly look around for something that reminds me those english days (your works, for example) (told you that was a weird question lol)
oh it's a big question. if there's one thing brits are good at, it's slagging off our own country. the weather is awful (it isn't). the public transport is awful (kind of is). the government is awful (yeah but less awful than the government we had a month ago). but truthfully I think on the whole it's a lovely place to live. I think a lot of people have a complicated relationship with England the country, and not without reason: if I was listing the identities I feel most affinity with I would start with Yorkshire, then British, then European, then English. but England the landscape is beautiful and the ancient history of England is fascinating. no country is perfect but that doesn't mean there aren't wonderful things to be found here. I love our folklore and our architecture and our coastlines and our woodlands. I love that we have a capacity to be open and inclusive and welcoming to the rest of the world, even if this has felt tempered post-2016. I hope that we can reverse those years.
of course there are practical things that maybe aren't so great. heating your house in the winter will cost you a fortune. you might wait weeks to get an appointment with a doctor. university is expensive. taxes are high and wages aren't keeping up. but for now, I like my life here. I am very lucky. x
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