#equilibrium bts

[papes-and-capes]

Master of Facial Expressions III

[bird-inacage]

Love Sea Episode 10 BTS | Filming The Beach Reunion

Gosh, this broke my heart. I really appreciate watching how actors get into the frame of mind for heavy, difficult or emotionally challenging scenes. It's a reminder of how mentally taxing and utterly exhausting it must be.

Poor Peat looked totally distraught. You can't afford to come out of that headspace either until the scene is done, so he just looks so helpless in between takes, like he's going to break down into pieces. It's harder still if your co-star also has to stay in the zone, so neither of you can really break out of it or disturb each other's equilibriums.

You can tell how drained he was afterwards, very visibly in a daze. He appeared to feel really under pressure that he wasn't quite getting where he needed to be, as MAME had to do a bit of coaxing to get them there. Fort is such a considerate Nong, he was continually reaching out to comfort and reassure Peat that he did a good job. Even though he was also having a rough time crying his eyes out.

Thank you boys for putting your all into your performances.

[syneilesis]

[fic] drowning, and more drowning

drowning, and more drowning

Love and Deepspace | Rafayel (Qi Yu) x Main-Character!Reader | T | 2k words | ao3 link

in the previous life, maybe the next too, we're eternally together. All their lives, devotion is the only lesson that endures.

A/N: For @seraphiism 's 2024 writing event. Quote is from DNA by BTS. The heart is a fish concept is from K-Ming Chang's Bestiary.

I based some stuff on my rusty memories of Rafayel's myths stories. I don't know what I wrote, but I had fun. Divider by @/cafekitsune.

in the previous life [the sea]

I.

Rafayel tasted of sea when you kissed him, that first time.

II.

Outlined by moonlight, he seemed ethereal somehow. A wraith stolen by the sea because it was lonely; retained all its earthly character except for its soil. Almost childlike with his laughter, and his surprise.

This was the first thing you had learned of the sea: its loneliness begets desire.

And this desire had given you a second life. From land to sea, the plunge into the afterlife.

Once, your elders had said that the sea was sacred because of the god that resided in it, but now, looking at this young man with pearl-smooth face, you knew that they could have never been more wrong.

The sea was sacred because its loneliness was too strong, and the desire that came out of it had given birth to this boy-god whose laughter was carefree as the turbulent waves that would drown you the moment you decided to place your life in his hands.

III.

In the days that followed, you learned what becoming a follower meant for Lemuria and her sea god.

“Being your follower is like being in love with you, when you think about it.”

Rafayel dropped the shell he was playing and whirled at you with a scandalized look.

“Why would you say it like that?” A flush bloomed across his cheeks and his ears, which was a darling contrast to his hair.

“But the way you explained it ...” You paused, struck with a thought. “I've never been in love before.”

“Oh, really?”

“Then again, I wouldn't know what being in love feels like, so who am I to say?”

“That's right.” Crossed hands, then a nod. “You wouldn't know what it feels like.”

“I suppose so.”

You turned to him. Rafayel sat across the room, surrounded by his little trinkets. This was what confused you: the weight of a Lemurian bond rested primarily on its god, the one who had more power between the two. It didn't make any sense: Rafayel having to follow your words like a dog pleasing its owner. But, perhaps, that was the point: devotion as vast and deep as the sea itself. Something enormous like this required an equilibrium. Hence: a lesson on selflessness.

You smiled at him. The blush crawled down to his neck, his chest. “In that case, should I fall in love with you?”

IV.

I will gladly give you my heart, if you wished it. This is my vow:

I will be your most—and only—devout follower, worshiping every strand of your hair, your lashes. I will scoop the sand off your footprints and keep them in small bottles. Every step you take leaves traces of sea in its wake. I will cup the lingering scent of salt in my hands, swallow it in my mouth down my throat so the sea stays within me in all its loneliness and enormity. You will be the only truth I will know, and your voice will be firebrand in my bones, eternally beating.

I will love you and only you, my water god my nacre heart, until the end of my breath, and beyond.

I will forever drown in my love for you, if you only said yes.

V.

He fell in love with you the moment you kissed him, and there came his first lesson: devotion as nothing but the willingness to drown.

maybe the next too [the sand]

i.

The desert reminded him of the sea, sometimes. Vast. Lonely. Had a habit of pulling you opposite of where you wanted to go. At times playful, at times rough, but always had a lesson to teach you.

And this lesson, Rafayel thought as he swam to the water's surface with you in his arms, was a cruel one in its stubborn unforgetting.

ii.

You tended to tilt your head slightly to the left when you're curious about something. This was the second thing Rafayel learned about you.

The first, of course, was that your heart could bring back Lemuria. The sea in all its infinity. A god's heart was powerful, after all.

The third: there was longing in your eyes that Rafayel couldn't ignore, try all that he might. This longing felt like an echo, a whisper of devotion made so long ago, uttered by a warm set of lips that almost touched his skin. It felt like fire. It felt like a brand.

It felt like drowning.

This was another thing that the desert and the sea were alike: if you strayed from your path, they would never, ever let you return.

iii.

He did not fall in love, he couldn't afford to. What was the point? He was a figurehead before he was a man, and what could be more important than a nation trying to bring back its home?

“I understand,” you said, tremulous smile captured by the moonlight pooling over you both. “I am yours, Rafayel. My heart is in your hands.”

The correct answer was to take it—your heart. It was the only way, you and he knew it. You were handing him what he needed on a silver platter. He only had to take it.

His hand twitched for your offer. Then it trembled.

Then it clenched so tightly it left indentation that would last for days.

A long, harsh exhale poured out of him.

Rafayel closed his eyes. He only prayed that he would not regret it.

iv.

“Rafayel, will you let me come with you?”

There you were, rumpled as windblown laundry, chest heaving from so much running. Too much running—just to catch up to him. Your voice cracking with each shout of his name. It was almost endearing, if not for the maw that opened inside Rafayel's ribcage.

You shouldn't be here. He had let you go and left behind the only thing that could grant his wish. It was a lesson on selflessness and he had learned it—painfully so and with great sacrifice.

But you—

You.

He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. Was this how drowning truly felt like?

“Rafayel, please.”

What else could his answer be? There was only one option left to take.

v.

The desert was vast and lonely, just like the sea. And still Rafayel walked on, one foot in front of the other, towards a place that could give another answer to his question.

Beside him you followed, a little tired but whole. Devoutly whole.

we’re eternally together [the vow]

1.

In one life he's a lost soul and you found him amidst the battering waves, pulled his hand up and saved him from being completely adrift.

In another you don't remember him, and it hurts but that's all right—he's going to make you fall in love with him like how he has with you, like a foolish dog devoted to its one and only owner.

After all, in the game of waiting, Rafayel has already emerged the victor.

2.

Sometimes, there's a shadow in his eyes that you glimpse in his quieter moments. But he's good at hiding it, surprisingly. If it weren't for the first time you caught it—by accident, and just in the periphery—you'd never thought that Rafayel could possess such capacity for darkness.

It saddens you somehow—that bitter slant of his gaze, the sardonic tilt of his mouth. It's most obvious when he talks about his past. Around his past, when there's something he doesn't want you to know.

There's still a lot of things you don't know about Rafayel.

But that's okay. You're patient, and Rafayel's not ready yet. You'll take whatever he'll give you—and that's enough for now.

3.

“There's a saying,” you begin, “that the human heart is a fish.”

Rafayel doesn't pause in his sketching, the scratch of pencil on paper studiously unceasing as you talk. He hums, though.

“Do Lemurians have fish hearts too?”

That makes him stop. Over the sketchbook Rafayel's eyes are twin whirlpool states of baffled and unamused. You tamp down the urge to laugh at his expression.

“If Lemurian hearts were fishes,” he finally says, “then we'd be dull as any actual fish in the sea.”

“You're being mean to your brethren.”

“Where did you hear that, by the way?”

“Oh, in another country during my last mission.” A seagull swoops closely by the window, and Rafayel goes back to his sketch. “They say that the fish-heart yearns to swim outside your mouth, so you should never, ever let it.”

“And why is that?”

“Because once it does, it will touch the air, and it will die.”

Silence. It may appear that Rafayel has stopped listening to you, but you know that's not true, because there it is again: the shadow, bracketing his narrowed eyes.

Rafayel's heart is a fish. And he can never reveal it. Because to let his heart swim out of his body means to display the most vulnerable parts of him. And for Rafayel, being vulnerable is dangerous. You may not know his whole story, but you can draw a partial image from the scattered puzzle pieces he inadvertently—or willingly—leaves behind.

At times like this, you think of the idea of devotion—the unconditional commitment of one to another, the totality of its embrace. Perhaps this is how you are—how you will be—with Rafayel, devoted hand and heart, body and soul. Maybe not now, but somewhere in your veins, in the marrow of your bones, the certainty exists. It is inevitable.

“I think mine is a fish,” you say, carefully watching him for any reaction. “So you have to promise me—that when it escapes you have to catch it, okay?”

He doesn’t say anything in return, and the strokes of his pencil are what’s left of the ensuing silence.

4.

In your dreams you've begun to learn of the sea's language.

Long, rough waves but short, playful ripples. And always—always—lilting loneliness.

In one of those dreams, you're a follower of a sea god; in another, a princess whisked away by a vagrant assassin.

But every one of them—every one of them—involves drowning in some form. You plunge into the sea to devote yourself to a god; you plunge into the desert to devote yourself to a vagabond. The sea's lonely whispers permeate, diving inside your flesh, making a home between your bones, around your heart.

At first, you did not understand its words, but through repetition, you've picked up some of them: follower, heart, drown, truth,

yes

The first complete sentence you've learned:

loneliness begets desire

The most recent:

rafayel, please

When you wake, your mouth tastes of salt and sand.

5.

Rafayel turns up at your doorstep at precisely the beginning of sunrise, sweaty and panting. His hair is a mess, bangs clinging wetly to his forehead. His clothes are disheveled, as if he's braved a thunderstorm and survived. His eyes are a little wild, manic, sleepless, but ardently luminous.

“I lost,” he says in between lungful gulps of air, “but in a way I still won.”

“Rafayel, what—”

You don't get to finish: Rafayel grabs you and slots his lips into yours.

So this is what it feels like, falling into the sea.

Rafayel kisses you like a man drowning: desperate and dying and you're his lifeline that he has to hold onto.

When he lets go, his eyes are closed and a smile teases at the corners of his mouth.

“I guess between the two of us, it's only me who's the fool.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm tired of waiting. Lesson learned. I lost. You won. I always lose, when it comes to you.”

The smile unfurls fully, and finally—finally—he answers the question you've asked a thousand lives ago:

“It's still a win, so yes. For you, it's an eternal yes.”

my water god my nacre heart, this is my devotion, my forever vow to you, and only you

[thegayhimbo]

I know this is coming a bit late, but since all of this was posted mere hours after Trump won the election in my country, I really wasn't in the mood at the time for making theories. I'm still technically in a funk, but I'm getting this done now to keep on top of things because I am really far behind in my reviews and speculations for Stranger Things.

1.) I am 80% convinced that the "Wheeler" who will vanish is Holly since the tidbits they've released indicate she's going to have a major role in season 5 and some kind of connection with Vecna. The book Alice in Wonderland will probably play a role in how they craft Holly's story since a reference was made to it on the Duffer Brother's Instagram post:

There's also how Holly's clothes in one of the BTS photos looks eerily similar to Alice's blue dress from the Disney movie:

Makes me question which Wonderland character Vecna is supposed to represent: The Mad Hatter? The Cheshire Cat? The Caterpillar? Maybe a male version of The Red Queen/Queen of Hearts?

2.) I speculated a while back that the book A Wrinkle in Time would be influential in the writing for season 5, especially with one of the titles being "Escape from Camazotz." While I have doubts now that Mike will be the one who disappears (as I originally suspected, though I could be eating my words later if I turned out to be right on that call), I do think there will be some kind of journey to a Camazotz-like location in the Upside Down to rescue one of the main characters (one of the spoilers from earlier this year implies that Mike, Will, and Holly may share the same story, so it could be that Mike ventures with Will to rescue Holly from Vecna) and that the Duffer Brothers are intentionally drawing parallels between the Hive Mind in the Upside Down and the one in A Wrinkle in Time that IT (the main antagonist of the book) uses to control the planet of Camazotz.

Plus, the Duffer Brothers posted this on their Instagram a while back during the production of season 5:

3.) The title "The Bridge" is likely referring to the bridge between the Hawkins and the Upside Down, and I suspect that episode will be about said bridge being damaged in a way that needs to be fixed in order to stop the UD's threat. However, since there have already been several references to children's books, I think there might be a third that this title is referring to: Bridge to Terabithia.

I remember reading this book in elementary school, and I know the story deals with two friends who create an imaginary world called Terabithia that can be accessed by crossing a river, and they go to this world as a means of dealing with their own struggles in the real world. Since one of the themes of the books is about building the bridge (both metaphorically and literally) between the two worlds to create stability in the main character's life, maybe that's what will happen with the Upside Down and Hawkins: Instead of the complete destruction of either Hawkins or the Upside Down, an equilibrium is established between both worlds (with effort from the main characters) where the Upside Down no longer poses a threat but can co-exist with Hawkins in a peaceful and stable way.

4.) "The Rightside Up" is pretty self-explanatory as a title. The question isn't whether the main characters fix things, but HOW they do it and what the cost will be.

5.) Every BTS photo I've seen gives the impression that the Military, and likely the residents of Hawkins who've taken up Jason's crusade from Season 4, will be antagonists to the main characters just like Vecna and the Mind Flayer. I also have no doubt Colonel Sullivan will have spent the last year and a half hunting for El while also trying to contain the threat of the Upside Down. What I want to know is why the main characters are still in Hawkins after all this time? We see photos of Mike, Lucas, Dustin, and Will going to Hawkins High School, but I thought the idea at the end of S4 is that the Upside Down was leaking into Hawkins, which would make it a hotspot for toxic air, decay, and monsters popping out of the ground. Did the military quarantine the whole town and the residents can't leave Hawkins because they are infected? Or did they only seal off certain parts where Vecna's gate opened, and the town simply rebuilt around it and tried to get back to their lives?

[jindipity]

Trivia 轉 : Seesaw

This song is for the people who are experiencing an emotionally exhausting relationship with their significant other, confronted with the complexity of love and the hardships that come along with it.

What once began as a journey filled with promises of endless love, hope, and resilience, has gradually transformed into something far more complicated. In the beginning, the sacrifices seemed small, and taking on the blame didn‘t feel like such heavy burden. But as life threw its challenges your way, the illusion you both held dear started to fade.

You both became tired of each other and the repeated seesaw game your relationship has become. It started to weigh on you - your partner not putting in the same effort to keep the relationship balanced as you did. What began as a simple act of love, of trying to maintain equilibrium, turned into a thankless task. Your emotional exhaustion started to become meaningless, and you began to wonder when things shifted. Was it a small argument, or was it all the countless moments where you tried to be the balancing weight of your partner, only to end up being the heavier one, doing all the work? Perhaps, there was never any true balance to begin with, contributing to you trying even harder to make this relationship work.

However, if this is what love is supposed to be, does it have to be fought for anew every single day? You start to see that in order to free yourself from this endless, toxic cycle, you have to stop being a part of this seesaw game. It brings nothing but pain and disappointment to its players. The decision has to be made now, without discussing who will make it. You‘re aware that someone will inevitably get hurt, and that fear of causing pain stops you from ending the relationship. You don’t want to bear responsibility for the other’s feelings, don’t want to be the bad guy who didn’t try enough, letting your partner fall to the ground. So, you continue to fool yourself into staying in a relationship you no longer want.

You hold on till the very end, but at what cost? You reach the paralleled balance you always wanted in this seesaw game, but not out of love, but of equal exhaustion. What began as playfully bragging about being the one putting in more efforts, has now turned into a competition. You‘re counting who can give more, just to prove that you’re the better partner in the relationship. Inevitably, someone will be blamed for dragging the other one down, for ruining everything. You start to understand the danger of being on this seesaw more and more, realizing you must let go and move on from this emotionally draining bond.

At the end, your partner leaves, and you find yourself walking on the seesaw alone. Just as you started alone, you end up alone again, but finally being able to get off the seesaw.

Listening to Trivia: Seesaw feels like Yoongi acknowledging your struggles and offering you a sense of understanding. It‘s like he‘s there with you on that seesaw, holding your hand while bearing the weight alongside you. He gives you time to breathe, without the fear that everything will collapse if you take a moment to reflect on your relationship. And when you decide to end things, he’s there to take your partner‘s place, ensuring that you no longer have to worry about maintaining balance anymore.

Song requested by @taekritimin123

Check out my masterlist for more <3

[scrumptiousstuffs]

i wonder why khaotung was willing to do fanservice with podd in daily basis but not with first 🤔 i guess when you love someone is hard to pretend

So, the following are speculations and should not be taken as gospel, ok?

I think part of the reason is First is actually quite shy off-screen 😅. I mean, he would do the required promos (i.e. his job) with whoever his on-screen partner at that time (be it Fluke from The Shipper and Gawin in Not Me) but during the interviews/events, you could see he malfunctioned (so shy!) whenever Gawin/Fluke tries and flirt with him.

Khaotung has the advantage of being his bestie and he is the Yin to his Yang (or whatever you want to call it). But even with that advantage, First (more than Khaotung) tends to break into a giggly mess/goosebumps whenever they do everything fanservice-y (that boy can't even keep his face straight in the BTS pictures for all their projects - as you can already tell whenever he does something naughty with Khaotung)

Early on their CP, I get the impression Khaotung defers to First and follow his cue. They were trying to find the dynamics they wanted to show to the fans. Nowadays, the boys have established a happy equilibrium (and realised the fans that love/follow them are happy for FK to just show their usual, clingy soulmate besties shenanigans, which they are already doing off-screen to do it on-screen as well)

I mentioned previously (in a different ask), our boys are terrible in promoting themselves on social media. They admitted themselves they are not addicted to social media (during the GMMTV 2024 Part 2 interview, post-THK trailer launch) and in fact will be relying on JoongDunk to do the social media bit 🙃

During PoddKhao, it's likely Podd was the one who encouraged Khao to join in the fanservice. Otherwise, Khao just probably won't bothered. Do I have any proof of this? Not really 🤣. But I am linking this adorable interview during PoddKhao era - where Khaotung actually said he is not a sweet person and does not cry easily (I guess he is only sweet to First + cries/becomes emotional with his soulmate instead?)

Anyway, as much as I like PoddKhao and FirstGawin/FirstFluke/ FirstMix (look, First can have chemistry with anyone ok? Like if he says he is in love with a rock, I will believe him) - I am a FirstKhaotung gal, through and through 😉

[beatles-luvr]

i think my brain has been stuck on this for so long about how journalism tends to put the Beatles and BTS in equilibrium when there is such a disparity in between them.

I speak on this as a former BTS fan and now a current Beatles fan. I generally don’t get articles that claim that BTS are more successful than the Beatles. But here’s an interesting fact: In 2019, BTS became the first group since The Beatles to earn three No.1 albums on the “Billboard 200 Chart” in less than a year, a record held by The Beatles for 22 years.

I think it’s mostly journalism that makes the claim regardless to stir controversy , and it really isn’t BTS fans.

The one similar thing that I’ve only seen is the Beatlemania versus ARMY fangirls. Fangirls CARRIED both of them. From content i’ve seen from Shea Stadium, girls scream so loud you can’t hear the beatles, faint, sob. And as purely anecdotal from my BTS “Wings” concert in 2017, these same things occurred, I swear I saw one girl vomit from excitement once BTS came up on stage.

In regards to this, I think today’s pop culture comparing The Beatles to BTS is so fucking stupid. The Beatles definitely did have an impact with introducing a different take to music that BTS take inspiration from.

In conclusion, comparing two groups is so stupid, and fangirls carried those groups.

If you’d like to hear my own personal opinion, I say that The Beatles revolutionized music that BTS use. I don’t generally see BTS having a large impact other than the kpop community.

“Talking about the comparison with The Beatles, leader RM said the band is not like the legendary Beatles as he considers BTS members to be comprised of normal kids who love music while Jin termed it as an honor.”

[not-goldy]

This was one of the best BTS 7 Deadly Sins edits from Filtermyg that got deleted, but its still on YT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy4JB4ML6z4

All I gotta say is that transition in the song to Jimin as Lust is HOT And so damn true. No one else in BTS would be Lust but Jimin. This editor nailed it & the song Play With Fire is a great choice.

I'm just gonna say lust is a Libra thing too😩😩😩😩

In every sense of the word

We can't be ruled by Venus and Aphrodite and not embody love and lust 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

Librans both male and female always have a natural feminine essense which makes us gentle and compassionate but also quite high on love to a point of addiction. We lust for love😩

Read this article,

UNDERSTANDING LIBRAS: THE ZODIAC’S DIPLOMAT OR OUTRAGEOUS FLIRT

“Never judge anyone shortly because every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” As a Libran through and through, Oscar Wilde espouses a core tenet of Libra wisdom: measure character with compassionate diplomacy. Represented by the scales of justice, a Libra is always in pursuit of fairness and equilibrium (it’s no surprise Judge Judy is a Libra). They have an uncanny knack for seeing “both sides of an argument,” but unlike the “devil’s advocate” approach of a Gemini, Libras see merit in every point of view—almost to a fault. In their pursuit of weighing all options equally, they often find it hard to adhere to their own judgment—in layman's terms, they are indecisive as hell. To love a Libra is to know that they will push every barista to the brink of tears due to how long they take to place an order.

Like their neighboring air signs, Aquarius and Gemini, Libras are outgoing conversationalists with a lust for novelty and information. With their diplomatic charm, they are able to connect with people quickly—even if that means agreeing with the opinion of every new person they meet. Ruled by the planet Venus, Libra’s have a fanciful inclination towards beauty, romance, aesthetics, and relationships. They particularly excel in the realm of fashion and art—easily seduced by maximalism, their art is usually lush, glamorous, and full of unexpected flourish. They often struggle with trying to please everyone all at once and find it hard to advocate for their own point of view—if a Libra can learn to trust themselves, they can quickly ascend to the top of their field.

A Libra Loves Love

“I'm a pretty good mix of adventurer and homebody, so when I go out I like to make the event worthwhile, and I like a partner who is down to go on adventures with me. Bonus if they are aesthetic adventures, like a trip to an art museum or a really gorgeous hike. I also particularly like when someone takes charge of planning said event/adventure—this makes my Libra sun happy as it takes away the stress of making choices and makes my Virgo Venus happy as it takes away my need to feel in control and responsible for driving the ship. Libras are air signs, so we're always talking and thinking a mile a minute, so a partner or friend also has to match my intelligence and match my speed and stamina for conversation.” — E.B.

Libras are one of the more idealistic and romantic signs of the zodiac. Their innate charm and love of language make them natural flirts—a power they wield with abandon. Ruled by the sign of Venus, relationships are a top priority for Librans, both in a romantic and platonic sense. They have a bad rap as being flakey, but it’s not because they are inconsiderate; in fact, it’s just the opposite—Libras are so concerned with making everyone happy that they have a hard time setting boundaries and tend to overcommit. Their romantic disposition can make them very fatuous with new love, sometimes leading them to disappear into new relationships. When a Libra’s chart is paired with other fixed or Venusian planets, they run the risk of becoming very co-dependent in relationships or, at worst, adopting the personality and effect of their #1 person. Yes, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but a Libra lost in love is not on their ideal path. On the other end of the spectrum, if a Libra’s chart is weighted with more air, fire, and extroverted signs, their propensity for indecision manifests in compulsive dating, crushes, and extreme commitment-phobia. Though they are in constant pursuit of balance, matters of the heart are Libra’s kryptonite. The best way to a Libra’s heart is by helping them achieve the balance they so desperately need to feel at ease in a partnership. Libran A.H. explains, “Feeling engaged with has always been really important, and also not to be hella Libra, but feeling like we’re putting in the equal effort, it doesn’t have to look the same, but to know and feel that the other person is putting in their fair share into the relationship.”

End of excerpt.

When I say Jimin is the quintessential Libra

He is through and through 😩😩😩😩😩

If anyone is going to play lust trust it's going to be the Libra of the group 😩

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP I have been thoroughly wrecked by Yoongi. HIS VOICE? HIS CHARISMA??

My god. He's been your bias since debut?! You're strong woman. How did you do it?? One concert and I'm ready to bear kids for him. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

/gen

*

Ask 2: I'm sorry!!! But look at this!!!! twitter com/sujimschim/status/1652517741226790913 looolll I think army's gonna be okay (pun intended lol) Sorry I think I'm having a post wlive high right now. lol Also did you hear about that insanely lucky army who got Yoongi video on their phone AND got to sit next to Jimin during the concert?! Like WOW. I'm amazed. Isn't that harder than the lottery?? lol Ok I'll really stop. Have a good night!!

*

Ask 3: A TO THE G TO THE U TO THE STD

*

Ask 4: Yoongi looks SO GOOD IN WHITE T WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAYYYYYYSSSSSS?!@#@!K?!@! THANK YOU JIMIN FOR SCOLDING YOOOONNNNGGGGIIIIII!!!!!!!!!

*

Ask 5: I love how Yoongi sticks to his first iteration of Sorry for being cute choreo. That choreo is becoming a lore of its own. yoominforlife lol Also OMGGGG his concert haegeum performance is gonna be LIT. I personally really love the name of the song and all the word play that's hidden inside it

*

Ask 6: i want to fuck yoongi till the paint peels off the walls i need to suck his thick fat cock clean empty, gobble his midas balls till i gag and after that read him my deontological critique of neitzche's assertion that god is dead. because god is well and truly alive and i just sucked his balls dry. i was lost and stupid in the wilderness of my ignorance of his divine hotness. i doubted your mind for your esteemed love for him. i was foolish but he has made me a believer. i want to be shoooshed by yoongi. then fuck him till he blacks out. consensually.

sorry. pls don't hate me bpp yoongi just drives me so fucking insane.

*

Ask 7: D-Day tour setlist is INSANE. Banger after friggin baanger Bpp! Have you tried to rank Suga's songs before? All his solo songs too can you rank them Bpp?

***

Hi Anon(s),

Anon in ask 2, your link. And yeah, that person was super lucky. 💜

I need to confess to y’all. I caved and got myself an earlier ticket. Usually, I buy my tickets for later in the tour to give myself time to calm down and adjust. I’d have spoiled the setlist for myself, listened to it ad infinitum till the lyrics were ingrained and my hormones were in equilibrium. But this time I couldn’t wait till the Cali dates, (still going). I had to see Yoongi tonight.

And Christ, I have ascended.

I know I will not be coherent, I’m already trying to self censor as I write , but I want to get this out here because many of you have sent me asks about him, some I know I can’t post ever, so I’m hoping someone else gets it whatever it is I’m tying to say.

…

Yoongi is so beautiful.

Yoongi is a rock star, and I mean that in a literal sense. He makes rock music, thinks like a rock star, and sings like a rock star. His live renditions of Amygdala are the perfect example of this. Pairing screamo rock in the chorus with the guitar solos in the outro, everything about Yoongi's vision for that song is centered around liberation, a value that's inherent to a rock star.

*

(Yes. That’s the objective correct answer.)

I laughed reading all your asks btw. (Anon in ask 6, I see you, I get you, and I don't judge you.) Ranking Agust D's songs is impossible for me. My personal taste is screamo rock and dirty trap or drill, I like songs with distinct percussion, lots of guitars, and/or distortion, voice cracks, autotune, etc. Artists like Nirvana, ONE OK ROCK, Kendrick Lamar, Twenty One Pilots, and Jimin give me bits and pieces of that sound, but no one in BTS knows how to scratch that itch for me better than Yoongi.

He’s just the right kind of insane to speak my language.

The duality that shimmers around Jimin like a mirage and is central to his magnetism, where you can’t be sure of who, what, exactly you’re looking at - man, woman, child, king, snake, panther, cat, metal, silk, fire, ice - all in one. That duality, lives in Yoongi’s music.

It’s elsewhere too, but it lives in his music. Even underneath all of that, he just makes some of the best music around.

That beat change at the end of Shadow? That's music tailor-made for me. Cypher Pt 3, AGUST D (the song), What Do You Think?, Trivia: Seesaw, the live performances of HUH?! and Amygdala are a revelation. All his music sounds perfectly made for me.

I honestly have no choice but to love him.

(I have no words when it comes to Yoongi.)

I won’t exactly rank his music here. I’ll discuss some of my favourites based on things like production, message, flow, feel, etc. Maybe.

Production

724148

This song is criminally underrated. I mean it's a crime more people aren't screaming from the rooftops about how crisp this track is. Listening to 724148 was the first time it really hit me how brilliant Yoongi is as a producer.

So Far Away ft Suran

You need to listen to this song on good speakers. It will change your life for the better. Do that, then come back here and tell me how you feel.

Burn It ft MAX

You know, when I heard the live performance of this song, I called a friend to help me re-calibrate my speakers. To recreate that feel. The production on the song is insane. Not to mention Yoongi's flow in the second verse.

Amygdala

The guitars are placed and layered perfectly. I love how forward the drums are in the mix. The autotune is one of my favourite things about it too. The entire song is perfect.

Daechwita

Am I the only person who hears the same static in the song intro that continues faintly in the foreground for the entirety of the song? As though you're entering a glitch. It's so sick. The main/central beat doesn't vary much, all the texture comes from Yoongi's adlibs. And he does an excellent job elevating it to something more.

*

(It truly embarrasses me that I cannot allow myself to talk about him. He’s that… much.)

Flow / Delivery

You've all seen me go on and on about Jimin's vocals. About how much Jimin's voice is the catalyst for ecstasy when I listen to BTS's music. But Yoongi's voice affects me just as strongly, if not more, in a very different way.

I’m a sucker for the kitten. That insane high pitched thing he does drives me to the limits of my sanity. But he’s also a natural baritone. A nasty one at that. You can hear it in the music he makes. And that’s my kryptonite.

Have you listened to HUH?! Like, really listened to it? Do you hear his flow from 1:08 - 1:15?

Do you hear how disgusting this brat is?

Fuck.

Let’s just move on.

Some favourites where his flow, delivery, switch-ups, is frankly ridiculous:

Shadow

Burn It ft. MAX

AGUST D

HUH?! ft j-hope

Cypher Pt. 3

Aside, the instrumental of this track, along with Cypher Pt. 4, Dionysus trap remix, Danger MMA 2019 version, and We Are Bulletproof Eternal, is incredible.

*

Feel

Honsool

Making a list based on pure vibes, Honsool has to show up. Yoongi captured the unmoored, untethered feeling of drifting through haze, distilled and crystalized into Honsool. Genius.

Give It To Me

What Do You Think?

HUH ft j-hope

Tony Montana ft. Jimin

I'm a sucker for the grit in their voices in this song. The live version specifically.

(He’s such a problem for me y’all…)

*

Not to get into this, but he also does sweet, poppy songs too. Some faves being That That, Amygdala, People, Trivia: Seesaw…

He is a true artist.

And nothing is hotter than that.

*

Message

I started writing this long paragraph about the themes in his music and stopped because I’ve really gone on long enough. I’m barely keeping it together here. I just saw him lose his mind with happiness at the ARMY who disguised her iPhone as a Samsung. That wide smile on his face is still replaying in my head. I’m happy he’s happy, because he’s made me so happy.

Anyway, some fave tracks I reach for, for their message:

5 - Strange ft RM

4 - UGH

3 - Snooze ft Ryuichi Sakamoto & Woosung

2 - Amygdala

1 - People

In a class of its own, I have to mention The Last. That song is a reckoning and wake up call. It's everything and I'm forever proud of Yoongi for making it.

*

Have y’all imagined what the concert will be like in 2026? Have you really sat down to think about what it could look like? Because I have. And it looks like pure bliss. No matter what is happening in the world at that time, I must see BTS.

It’s a decision I made last June, but Yoongi on this tour has breathed fire into that desire. He’s made me want him, crave his sound, daydream of his music playing in my head…

If I could I would’ve sued this man already.

Anyway, Anon in ask 1, welcome to getting wrecked by Yoongi. He is layer upon delightful layer of loyal, creative, tortured beautiful genius hovering just on the edge of insanity. I’m hopeful that he completes his tour as planned, enlists as planned, serves as planned, and is discharged and back to BTS as planned.

In the meantime, I’ll fully enjoy the time he’s spending with us and the music he’s making for us. I’m happy y’all are joining me in this too. 💜

[psych0catt]

here are 3 simple writing tips to do with evoking emotion in the reader !

on here post daily writing content, such as writing tips, prompts, and promotions of my own writing.

you can find my bts fanfictions on ao3 under the name "psychoreads" or on wattpad under the name "psych0reads".

- ♡ -

1. to make your reader feel remorse for a character, they have to like the character. spend time letting your reader get to know the character, before having a tragic event happen to them.

2. establish an equilibrium before the tragic event/disruption happens. this gives the reader something to miss and to desire back, and a reason to want the disruption is solved.

3. to make your characters effective and your plot believable, it is useful to give them each a burning desire, something to yearn after. for example, a character could yearn for acceptance. this means a character may act in an immoral manner, in order to be accepted. it can help to move your plot forward.

- ♡ -

thank you for reading ! I hope this is helpful

[blue1amory]

A cute blind soul

bts ot7 x reader

Chapter 2

～*～♡～*～♥～*～♡～*～♥～*～♡～*～♥～*～♡～*～

On the eve of Selia's twentieth birthday, she found herself unable to find restful slumber. Perhaps it was the building anticipation and nervousness that kept her awake, causing her to let out a heavy sigh. Determined to ease her restless mind, Selia reached for her white cane and gracefully rose from her bed. Guided by her cane, she skillfully navigated her way through the familiar hallways of her home until she reached the kitchen. However, as she neared the kitchen, she realized that her aunt's voice filled the space, accompanied by the sound of something crashing to the ground.

Concerned for her aunt's wellbeing, Selia called out, inquiring about her aunt's state. "Auntie, are you alright?" she asked aloud, her voice laced with genuine worry.

To Selia's surprise, her aunt responded with a hint of exasperation, seeking to understand why her niece was not in her bed. "Selia, it is imperative that you retire to your bed as the present hour demands restful repose. Tomorrow presents itself as a consequential day requiring your utmost alertness and preparedness. Allow me to offer my assistance in conveying you to your designated sleeping quarters."

"I apologize for my dissenting position, but it is incumbent upon me to declare my inability to partake in sleep at this particular juncture. Hence, I have ventured downstairs seeking solace."

"Selia," her aunt spoke in a firm tone, "Allow me to prepare a soothing cup of tea infused with honey, and let us engage in a brief conversation. However, it is imperative that you retire to bed afterwards. Do you comprehend? Tomorrow marks your twentieth birthday, a significant milestone, as it signifies the imminent revelation of your soulmate. Rest is essential.

Selia nodded in agreement, her aunt swiftly attending to the task of concocting the tea.

"In addition," her aunt remarked with a hint of pride, "I have noticed that you scarcely rely on your white cane anymore. This is a commendable development."

Selia's aunt extended the tea-filled vessel into her niece's grasp, facilitating the transmission of warmth from the ceramic receptacle to Selia's receptive palm. The tactile sensation of the heat diffusing through her skin elicited a sense of comfort and familiarity. With the intention of achieving an optimal temperature, Selia judiciously allowed the contents to undergo a modest cooling period, a strategic pause before imbibing.

Following a span of several minutes, during which the tea underwent a subtle transformation from its initial temperature to an agreeable state, Selia elected to engage in a sippage ritual. Drawing the rim of the vessel to her lips, she orchestrated a contact point between her oral cavity and the liquid contents. The ensuing gustatory encounter was marked by the immediate discernment of the intermingling nuances of mint and honey within the tea's composition. This orchestrated amalgamation yielded a sensory experience that transcended the realm of mere gustatory gratification, culminating in an equilibrium that harmonized the two constituent flavors to a state of faultless equilibrium—a manifestation of culinary prowess emblematic of a harmonious blend.

Auntie inquired of Selia, "Pray, disclose the reasons behind your sleeplessness. What concerns plague your mind? For I am cognizant that you do not slumber, indicative of a troubling matter that preoccupies your thoughts."

Selia, releasing a profound sigh, delicately raised the teacup to her lips and took a sip before mustering a response. "I am apprehensive, Auntie," she whispered tentatively, her voice tinged with vulnerability. "What if, upon encountering my soulmate, be it a he, she, or they, they find me undesirable due to my visual impairment? I fear abandonment, for I cannot bear the thought of being cast aside on account of my blindness." Her lips quivered slightly, betraying her inner turmoil.

Selia was enveloped in the nurturing embrace of her aunt, who spoke in a comforting tone, seeking to assuage her anxieties. "Dear Selia, it is unwise to burden yourself with such concerns. As previously stated, soulmates are destined to embrace and accept your authentic self. Should anyone exhibit unkindness or harbor an aversion towards you due to your visual impairment, it is evident that they were never meant to be your true soulmate. In such an unfortunate circumstance, we shall pen a missive to the divine beings, beseeching their intervention. If they concur with our plea, they possess the ability to alter the course of your soulmate's identity. Therefore, I implore you, cast aside your worries in this matter."

Selia tightly embraced her aunt, seeking solace in the warmth of their bond, before reluctantly releasing their grasp.

"Ah, I observe that you have already consumed your tea. Very well, it is time to retire for the night. Allow me to assist you," her aunt declared.

Selia, clutching her white cane firmly, intertwined her arm with her aunt's, entrusting herself to the guidance offered as they embarked on their journey towards her chamber.

Upon reaching the destination, Selia was gently positioned upon her bed by her attentive aunt, ensuring her comfort. Her white cane found its familiar resting place, serving as a constant companion within arm's reach.

"Sleep well, my dear," her aunt whispered tenderly, their lips gently grazing Selia's forehead. Gradually, the presence of her aunt dissipated, leaving Selia alone in the tranquility of her room. Gradually, the weight of the day's worries began to recede, lulling her into a peaceful slumber.

[writingsofmyimagination]

Uggh the energy!!

[btsficbookmark]

Equilibrium

Title:  Equilibrium

Author: @tayegi

Pairing: Jimin & Jungkook (Jikook) x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Status: On-going - Chapter 14 (50,389 words)

Genre:  Smut, Fluff, angst, polyamory

Summary:

Polyamorous relationships are not as glamorous as they appear in the movies.

Granted, the sex is better—tangled limbs and wet kisses on every inch of skin imaginable, but not even the sex is worth the mind-numbing jealousy, the utter despair.

Because equilateral triangles do not exist in real life. There is no sense of order in human affections. No balance, no equilibrium.  You are in love with Jimin, who loves Jungkook. And Jungkook loves… Has he ever loved anyone but himself?

On the outside, you smile widely and pretend that you’re perfectly content with this arrangement. But your façade crumbles, bit by bit, every time Jimin goes to Jungkook instead of you.

You’re not sure how much more you can take.

—–

Note: This is such a brilliant fic, words cannot describe how much I enjoyed reading this well-written story. Also, I have to say out of all the BTS fics I have read no one has been able to capture Jungkook as great as this author. 

[tayegi]

Equilibrium Ch. 14 (m)

Word Count: 4,708

You wake up feeling so suffocated that you can barely breathe the next morning. In the enormous king sized bed back in Jimin's apartment, there was always room to twist and turn from excessive body heat. But here in Jungkook's cramped twin in his dorm room, there's barely enough room to fit his broad frame, much less an additional body. There's nowhere to run, especially when Jungkook has his strong arms wrapped tightly around your waist, body pressed against every inch of your backside and face buried in the crook of your neck such that the heat of his breath fans against the sensitive skin with each exhale, making it impossible to forget your captivity.

You keep your eyes shut tight, feigning sleep as you cautiously shift around in the bed, subtly testing the cage of muscle around your body. He doesn't budge one inch, even when dead unconscious. Undeterred, you try again, this time reaching a hand back to press against his bare chest to try to separate from this smothering heat.

Unfortunately, the moment your hand makes contact with the chiseled steel of his chest, Jungkook stirs in his sleep, groaning softly as he abruptly rolls over on top of you. Your heart drops as your plan backfires. He's not just spooning you now, but trapping you to the mattress with his full weight.

You lie there for a few minutes as the overwhelming heat burns your skin and sweat trickles down your spine. There is no escape. You're probably going to suffocate in the excessive heat and die… Until an idea pops in your mind.

Jungkook's torso is pressed down against yours, but your limbs are free and unbound. So you slowly trail both hands down the expanse of his muscled back, nails gently raking down his spine, while your legs twine around his waist. One thrust of your hips up has the cock resting against your lower abdomen stirring to life. He shifts in his sleep, unconsciously rubbing against your stomach, but continues snoring—until you bite down on his earlobe.

"Ah, what the hell?" Jungkook grumbles as he's finally forced to wake. He's disoriented at first, clearly oblivious to his surroundings as he slowly attempts to unstick his body from yours.

You respond by giving his lobe another suck, "Good morning, Jungkook," you purr in his ear.

He jerks back to look at you, eyes widening as he processes the situation for the first time, "___?" he asks in shock.

You wink at him before slowly rolling your hips up against his quickly hardening length in his boxers, "What's wrong, hon?"

"N-nothing," he stutters, biting back a moan as he rubs back against you, "I just—oh god, am I dreaming right now?"

"Does this feel like a dream?" you laugh as you spread your legs wider to allow him to grind directly against your soft heat.

"Oh god, I can't believe this is happening… Is this seriously real?"

You really hate morning sex. You hate how dirty and disoriented you feel. You despise morning breath and any physical activity at such an ungodly hour with every fiber of your being. But Jungkook loves it. And after what happened last night… You need to do this for him.

So you lift yourself to begin tugging at your clothes. He is mostly disrobed, with only his boxers to keep him modest, but you are still fully dressed in the clothes from yesterday, not having had time to change in the midst of all the drama.

Never have you initiated anything before. Never have you been so willing to have sex with him that you'd wink and teasingly shimmy out of your clothes in a way that makes his throat tighten. Jungkook doesn't dare move and break the spell as he watches you undress in front of him, his eyes as wide as saucers.

"___," Jungkook whispers your name once the last of your garments hit the ground, "Come here."

You accept his hand with an uneasy smile, though the smile falters when he impatiently pulls you onto his lap. This means that he wants you to ride him… this early in the morning when you've barely had any rest. Still, you willingly comply, pulling his hardened length from his boxers, then positioning it at your entrance. Jungkook watches you with equal parts lust and utter wonderment. You take a deep breath. Then you sit down.

Jungkook's breath slams out of his chest and his hands dart out to grab your hips hard enough to leave pink fingerprints in the sensitive skin. "Fuck, you feel amazing."

You smile faintly at the awestruck expression on his face, "You too," you say, and it's not entirely a lie. He does feel pretty good between your legs, stretching you out with his thickness. You might enjoy this on a different day, but you're not in the mood today. So you bounce in Jungkook's lap as fast as you possibly can, determined to get him off.

There's a few minutes of silence where all that can be heard in the room are Jungkook's heavy pants and the sound of your ass slapping his thighs with every hard thrust. Everything is going well, up until Jungkook abruptly sits up against the headboards, pulling you flush against him in the process.

You ruefully groan when this new position gives him the mobility to thrust up from under you, allowing him to set the pace for the first time. After all this time, he knows exactly what you like in bed, and what it will take to unravel you. Unsurprisingly, you feel his right hand slide between your bodies to rub your clit.

Against your will, heat surges in your lower stomach from his experienced touches. You've lost all control in the situation, and are helpless to do anything but rest your head against his shoulder as he brings the both of you to your highs.

You still feel fuzzy from sleep and this strenuous activity makes your body uncomfortably hot. The way your heart pounding makes you feel like you're having a heart attack and the dehydration from sweating so profusely makes a migraine form in your temples. You just want to get this over with. So you squeeze yourself around him as tightly as you possibly can, conscious to moan his name lasciviously in his ear at the same time. True to your prediction, his steady rhythm falters under dual assault, his mouth hanging open and his brow furrowing from the intense pleasure.

"___," he moans your name over and over, uncontrollably.

"Shh," you coax, biting back a moan of your own when his fingers spasm on your clit, revving you up against your will, "Just let go for me, sweetie."

Jungkook curses at that, clearly wrecked by your words. "Fuck, ___," he moans, free hand grabbing your jaw to tug you down for a hard kiss, "I love you so much."

Your head snaps up in shock, taken aback by the unexpected statement. A sense of unease trickles into your stomach, but Jungkook's nimble fingers rubbing digit eight's into your clit make it impossible to think of anything else. Shoving all the discordant thoughts from your mind, you squeeze your eyes shut and cum hard around his dick.

A strangled gasp tears from Jungkook's throat at the feeling of your walls caving in all around him. He helplessly bucks his hips up to chase your warmth before he joins you in your pleasure.

Your brain is hazy from the aftereffects of your orgasm for a few minutes, and all you can do is lean heavily against him, allowing him to cover your flushed body with kisses, as you try to recover your breath.

"I love you," he whispers again with a tender kiss to your jaw.

His words inspire the same feelings of uneasiness as before, and you quickly pull yourself out of his lap, wincing when an unholy mix of both of your bodily fluids trickles down your thigh. "Ah, it's getting late," you say, praying that Jungkook doesn't notice how you've ignored his confession, "Let me shower and we can get going."

The dark-haired man licks his lips as he watches you rush across the room, completely nude, "Can I join you?"

You pause in the middle of the room, heart stuttering to a stop when you realize the implications of his words. It hasn't even been five minutes since he came inside of you and he already wants to go again…? You are so fucked.

But somehow, you manage to plaster a smile on for him, "Of course, hon."

A few hours later, the two of you finally make it out of Jungkook's bed and back to the apartment. Jimin has long since left for work, leaving the apartment thankfully empty. You're not sure Jungkook is in the right mind to deal with him yet.

"Have you seen my black skirt, Jungkook?" you call out to where he's lounging in bed, watching your every movement like a hawk.

"Don't wear that," he says at once, "What's wrong with the jeans you were wearing earlier?"

"Jungkook, it's boiling outside," you gently inform him, "I was sweating on the entire car ride over here."

But he stubbornly shakes his head, "That black skirt is much too revealing… You should only wear it for me."

A muscle twitches in your cheek, but you choke down your annoyance, "I am wearing it for you, honey," you say in the sweetest tone you can muster, "I thought you said once that you like the way I look in it?"

"Yes, but it should only be for me," he growls as he suddenly rises off the bed to stand directly behind you, "I don't like the idea of other guys checking you out."

Bile builds in your mouth at his excessive jealousy. You don't understand why the media glorifies this trait or how so many of your female friends fawn over it in their smutty little romance novels. It's objectifying and so gross. You feel like a slab of meat for the dogs to fight over, not like a human being with rights.

You choke back the bile and demurely nod your head, "Sure, Jungkook. What do you think I should wear?"

Jungkook gently nudges you out the way, "Let me just pick for you."

An hour later, you find yourself decked in jeans and one of Jungkook's stuffy flannels as the two of you walk hand in hand throughout the amusement park. You glance over at him and how refreshingly cool he looks in a thin white tee. A grimace overtakes your face before you stifle it back with a hastily plastered grin.

"Isn't this romantic?" Jungkook asks as he happily swings your joined hands back and forth, oblivious to the turmoil of your thoughts, "I've always fantasized about this—playing hooky and ditching school to go to the amusement park with my girlfriend. Isn't this fun?"

"Yes, Jungkook," you meekly reply as you wipe a bead of sweat off your forehead with your free hand, "This is really fun."

He beams at you, his smile so wide that his cheeks stretch and his eyes crinkle, "I bet Jimin wouldn't take you on a date like this, huh? We are so compatible."

You have no idea how to begin to address just how wrong he is, and your stomach sinks, "Let's go on the merry-go-round," you say instead of responding.

Because how could you respond? How could you let him know how much you hate this? How you've never failed to become ill from roller coasters? How you can't even think of having fun when the consequences of ditching work twice in a row hangs above you like an ominous black cloud?

For a moment, the accumulation of stress makes you feel faint. Your knees quiver for a split second before you catch yourself. Smiling brightly at Jungkook, you wipe your sweat again and follow him through the park.

When the sun sets until there are only a few purplish rays peeking from the horizon, Jungkook finally decides that he's tired enough to leave the park. At this point, you are so wracked with stress that you've almost popped a blood vessel, and you've never felt more relieved.

Jimin has called you three times already, probably to ask why the two of you still aren't home, but you don't know how to respond at this point. You're completely out of excuses and it feels like your whole world is crumbling down.

"Why aren't you eating?" Jungkook asks, interrupting you from your thoughts.

You look up to find him curiously examining you from across the table. You hastily flash him a grin, "I'm just not hungry, I guess."

At that moment, your phone vibrates again, making you jump in surprise. You don't have to look to know that it's Jimin again. Your stomach twists and clenches, and the anxiety is so potent that you can't breathe for a moment.

As always, Jungkook fails to pick up on the nuances. "Ok," he easily agrees, "Let's go get a drink then."

The bar that he leads you to across the street from the restaurant is not your style. The interior is dark and grubby and the deafening sound of sports blasting from the TVs that line every wall makes it impossible to hold a conversation. A group of guys playing pool in the back corner look up in surprise at the sight of the two of you, but Jungkook doesn't notice.

He plops down on the nearest barstool and pats the empty seat next to him, "Come sit with me, jagiya. Isn't this nice?"

You hesitantly clamber up onto the offered seat, wincing when the hard wood digs uncomfortably into your backside, "Oh, they allow smoking in here," you comment, trying to keep the judgment out of your tone when someone on the other end of the bar blows smoke in your direction.

Jungkook doesn't hear you as he scans the list of beers scrawled in chalk across a blackboard crudely propped up against the counter as a makeshift menu. "Wow, they have great variety here," he says, although you can't agree with the sentiment.

You don't have to ask to know that they probably don't serve the red wine you prefer. You haven't had to drink shitty beer since college, and the very smell of this place brings back undesired memories… not that you've attended many functions in dingy bars like this one. It was always more of Jungkook's scene. You weren't nearly popular enough to get invited to these hangouts anyways.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" The bartender asks, interrupting your thoughts.

You open your mouth to politely decline, but Jungkook beats you to it, "Yeah, we'll have two of your stouts on tap."

Surprised, you look over at him, but he's already pulling out his credit card with a wink. The bartender checks your ids before preparing the beers, but you can't stop staring at Jungkook. Does he actually think he's being charming right now? You've never felt comfortable having your boyfriends buy you anything, and you've expressed this feeling multiple times. Is he joking right now?

But then the bartender plops two foaming glasses of beer in front of the two of you, distracting your attention. You stare at the dark liquid swirling around in your glass while Jungkook thanks the bartender and takes a hearty swing.

"Ah, this is so refreshing!"

You simply hum in response and push the beer away from you on the countertop.

Jungkook notices at once, "Jagi, what's wrong? This is your favorite!"

"What?" you look up in confusion, "What makes you think that?"

"You loved this last time we went out together," he says, bewildered by your response.

Your brow furrows as you try to recall this memory. But red wine has always been your drink of choice and you draw a complete blank, "What do you mean?"

He chuckles and reaches over to affectionately pat your head, "Silly girl, don't you remember meeting my friends a few weeks ago? This is exactly what you ordered back then, too." He continues to touch your hair, lovingly pushing it out of your face and tucking stray strands behind your ears. But you can't bring yourself to react to his touch the way you normally would.

You know you should just brush this off. You know that you should just drink your beer so you can go home to Jimin and start fixing this huge mess. Then, things can finally go back to normal.

But you can't bring yourself to move as you continue to stare at the black liquid in your glass. It's so thick that you can't see through the material to the bar on the other side. Everything is completed obscured by the darkness. You take a deep breath, then reach up to pull Jungkook's hand away from your head. Surprised by the action, Jungkook instinctively reaches for you again, but you stop him with a single look.

"You really don't know me at all."

Startled, Jungkook can't respond for a moment before he awkwardly chuckles, "What are you talking about, baby?"

"Drinking stout? Ditching work to play? Do you really even know me, Jungkook?" Your voice is unnaturally quiet as you question him, like the calm before a storm.

"Uh," he nervously scratches at his ear, "Do you not like it? I'm sorry if I made you feel coerced into doing those things. We can do what you want next time."

"No, you're not understanding," you interject, in too deep at this point to let it go. Your heart is pounding and your system flushed with adrenaline, but you can't stop now even if you wanted to, "How can you claim to love me if you know nothing about me?"

"Wh-what?" he stammers, completely taken back by this unexpected attack, "___, where is this even coming from?"

"This is long overdue," you murmur, "Jungkook, you don't actually love me. You're in love with the idea of me, but that's it. I'm not the person you think I am."

"What are you talking about? Why are you acting like this? Of course I know you," he snorts.

"Really?" you ask, eyes flashing up to meet his, "Then how was I like in high school?"

"What?" he says, bewildered by the request, "What does that even mean?"

"Just answer the question, Jungkook," you growl, uncharacteristically aggressive for perhaps the first time in your life, "What kind of role did I play in my high school?"

"I don't know," he says, staring at you like you've grown two heads, "You're really pretty and smart though. So I'd expect you to be pretty popular in high school… But you're too nice to be part of the super popular bullies. So maybe… second tier popular?"

You stare at him for a long time, shocked silent by the complete absurdity of his words. You, popular? You've never heard of such an inaccurate description in your life.

"You really don't know me," you choke out in a broken voice, "Jungkook, the girl you're in love with isn't real. None of this is real."

"What is up with you today? You're talking crazy!"

"Am I? Or is this the first honest thing I've said since we've entered this fucked up relationship?" You snap at him, "Because let's be real here: your so-called 'love' for me cannot even hope to compare to the way Jimin loves you. Or the way I love him."

"What… what did you say?" Jungkook asks in a whisper, as though the breath has been knocked out of him entirely.

You summon the courage to look him in the eye, "Isn't it obvious, Jungkook? I am completely, entirely in love with Park Jimin."

It looks as though you have punched him in the stomach, the way his entire body crumples in pain, "But… but that night when I confessed," he stammers, wildly searching for any way to hold onto you, "You said… you told me that I had a chance."

"I said that I cared about you, Jungkook. And that's true. I do care about you… but not the way I care about Jimin. I love him. And I've loved him for the past two years."

At that, he breaks eye contact, back hunching and head drooping as he buries his face in his hands. There's a moment of unbearably tense silence in bar where all you can hear is the noise of the blaring sport game in the background. Guilt fills your chest, but it's too late now. And more than the guilt, you feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Like it's the first time you've felt free in months. You inhale deeply through your nose, enjoying the sensation of oxygen filling your lungs in what feels like forever, before you continue to study his broken appearance.

Jungkook reaches for his beer, and it doesn't go unnoticed the way his hands tremble so much that the dark liquid sloshes over the top. He drinks long and deep, swallowing harshly, before he can continue.

"In a way, I think I always knew," he tells you in a hoarse voice, "But I never said anything… because I was afraid that if I did, it would make it true… I've been such an idiot, haven't I?" he says with a bitter laugh.

For a moment, sympathy clouds your judgment. You know the pain of unrequited love oh-too-well, and your first instinct is to comfort him. "Jungkook," you sigh, reaching across the bar for the hand wrapped so tightly around his drink that you fear the glass might shatter.

But he flinches back when you make contact, "I'm going to make this right again, ___," he says, suddenly looking up to hold your gaze again.

You shiver at the unexpected fire in his eyes, "What do you mean?"

"Don't worry, ___. I'll fix this."

"What? What are you saying?" But he ignores you to scrape his seat back and jump to his feet. "Jungkook?" you ask in confusion, "What are you—wait! Where are you going?!" But it's too late and he's already walked straight out the door.

You are left sitting there for a few minutes, reeling in the aftermath of your confession. There are no traces of Jungkook left at the bar, except for the half-drunken beer and the ring of liquid around the glass from where he split his drink. When not condensed in a glass, the beer appears an innocuous amber color, and so clear that you can see the grimy wood of the counter underneath… It's only a little bit of spilt beer. The bartender had filled the glass to overflowing anyways, so a bit of spillage was expected… but why do you feel like you might cry?

After what feels like an eternity, you finally pull yourself together enough to go looking for Jungkook. Expecting him to be right outside the bar, you call out his name right as you cross the threshold of the doorway, "Jungkook?"

But to your surprise, he is nowhere to be found. Worried, you pull out your phone to call him. But he declines your call on the second ring, directing you to his voicemail. Confused, you try again, only to be met with the same fate. Why is he ignoring you?

"Excuse me," you call out when you notice a group of men smoking in front of a convenience store right next door, "Have you seen a guy in his early twenties wearing a white shirt leaving this area recently?"

"Was he a good-looking guy with dark hair?" One of the men asks as he snubs out his cigarette.

"Yes, that's him!" you exclaim, ears perking in excitement, "Have you seen him?"

"Yeah, just a few minutes ago," a second man pipes up. "He got into a taxi and left."

"A taxi?" you repeat in surprise.

"Yeah… are you his girlfriend or something? It looks like your man ditched you," he laughs.

"You can just hang out with us instead, sweetheart," the first man offers in a suggestive tone.

Your stomach turns and it takes a great deal of effort to keep from wrinkling your nose, "No thank you." And with that, you turn to your phone to call up an uber. Where the hell could Jungkook have gone? You have your suspicions… And the prospects don't look so good.

Your anxiety increases tenfold when Jimin fails to pick up your call for the third time in a row. Cold sweat slides down your back when you're directed to his voicemail. It's completely out of character for Jimin to ignore your calls like this. He is normally receptive… Unless there is something keeping him occupied…

"Please hurry, sir," you urge the uber driver, fear getting the best of you.

Jungkook is infamous for his fiery temper. And the way he had looked at you back in the bar, promising that he'd fix this… Could he mean what you think he means…? If so, you need to get back to the apartment as soon as you possibly can. And you'll do anything in your power to protect Jimin. Whatever the cost.

Before the uber fully pulls to a stop on the curb, you wrench the door open and throw yourself on the pavement. The driver angrily curses after you for your recklessness, but you pay him no attention as you burst into your building and rush up the stairs as quickly as you possibly can.

Within seconds, your thighs burn and your breath weakens, but the fearful adrenaline flooding your system keeps you going. The only thought racing through your mind is how to get to Jimin… how to save him from Jungkook.

The apartment door is ominously left open a crack when you finally arrive. With your heart lodged in your throat, you cautiously push the door open… and are immediately regaled by the sound of Jimin's heart-wrenching sobs.

"Please, Jungkook," he begs, "Please don't do this to me."

The blood in your veins turns to ice. You move to rush into the room, but at that moment, you hear Jungkook's stony response.

"Get off of me, hyung. It's over."

"Wh-what are you talking about?" Jimin chokes out, "Jungkook, I love you. Please don't leave me."

It feels like a hot needle has pierced through your heart at the sound of his genuine confession. This is fucked up. This is all so fucked up.

"But I don't love you," is Jungkook's blunt response, "I'm sorry if I've led you on. But I can't do this anymore. Goodbye, Jimin."

"Wait, Jungkook!" The older man exclaims, "Jungkook!"

But it's too late, and he's already left.

You nearly topple over in surprise when the front door abruptly swings open, leaving you and Jungkook face to face. He pauses in the doorway for a split second, his cold gaze piercing through to your very core. For that moment in time, you feel helpless under his stare, like you're naked and laid bare for his scrutiny.

Then he exhales deeply in one, long stream of air, "I hope you're happy."

There's something strangely poignant in the way he phrases that. You open your mouth to respond, but he's already brushed past you in the doorway. You whirl around on your heel to stare after him. You know that you should intervene in some way. You're probably the only person who can fix this mess and bring him back. But you can't bring yourself to say a single word as you watch him walk down the hall and out of your life.

In the background, you hear Jimin's semi-hysterical crying echoing off the walls. But somehow, even this is suiting.

You feel entirely numb as you watch the perfect glass sphere of your life shatter into a million pieces. Jungkook is gone, and now it's all over.

The meticulously piled crystalline drops of water have built and built until their bursting point.

Ten… Twenty… Thirty drops…

Who knew that it'd all fall apart so easily?

End of part 1. 

A/N: Thank you to everyone who called/emailed their legislators! And even though we didn’t hit our goal, I am still proud of all of you!!! And it’s not over yet, so please keep calling and emailing!

Anyways, sorry for taking so long with the update, but it’s here now :) 

[andressa-vera]

my first death:

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。° 。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。° 。 Key Phase-

The voice of silence; so profound and vividly warm.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。° 。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。° 。

There is nothing. I speak nothing. I hear nothing. I feel nothing. I feel nothing.

As a person who truly romanticizes the concept of nothing, I have a love-hate relationship with this phase of mine.

 All emotions are sucked out of me. I have been depressed more than anything.

Presently, I live in nothing. There is not a twinge of emotion, but a strange, peculiar enigma- an anti-drop.

With proportion to time, I slip with all the realms of my mind, both conscious and subconscious. The conscious awakens me and serves as a reminder, while the subconscious slowly slips like sand from my fingers, each grain dropping, each dust mingling with the air to cause a disturbance in the equilibrium. With time, I fall further into a void of nothing.

Can I consider ‘nothing’ to be a vacuum?

No.

The silent stance is somehow, filling. If it was empty, I would have felt the vacuum. I would have felt hungry and hollow.

At present, I feel a complete loss of appetite, even for the sweet dessert of writing. The words are meaningless. The seductive curves and eloquent loops and twirls do not enthrall me.

If this can no longer resonate No longer make my heart vibrate Oh that would be my first death I have been always afraid of.

If this is death, if this is death, I want to keep on living.

A simulation. I have truly understood how an abstract concept like time is simply, a concept. It is only, only supposed to go forward. Life goes forward, so why cannot time? Why does it slow and hasten and cease at the light?

Cease at the light. A representation? Coincidence?

Why, that is true. Life is similar to time, far more than I thought. Life accelerates and crawls, and stops at a light(”I see the light!”).

I want to know more about the light, really.

I suppose it is quite natural. I reside in the dark. It is natural to yearn for the light.

Tripping nonchalantly into the abyss, losing in touch with reality.

Nothing scares me more than killing myself.

I am far, far away from adhering myself to this terrible, terrible fate. A temporary reign of horror, a temporary reign of being lost in the filling silence. I will find out the way and reinforce my passion once again.

I still seek the light; I crave its waves, I crave its transparent shades, I crave the feeling. It is numb- the darkness licks every single cell of my body, vigorously swishing its tongue and wearing me away, consuming me into itself. The silence is overbearing to the point where even the harshest flicks are numb. There is no feeling. There is no feeling.

Each moment feels unreal. Numb. Torpefied. Time truly does not exist, and so does life. Both are unreal, made-up notions of societal constructs. I just happen to exist. I just happen to respire, I just happened.

If my heart does not weep for it anymore, Why does my first death have to be this?

There lingers a vivid sense of trepidation. 

What if the moment is right now, right now?

Is it a coma?

Or is it a permanent fall?

Or worse,

Will I lose myself so terribly in the warm, trembling, voice of silence that I lose consciousness of the light?

“I am addicted to the prison that is you.”

Note- This is purely an analysis of the song, “Black Swan” by BTS and are not my emotions or feelings in any aspect. Do not misunderstand me for a depressed person.

[goldenfharry]

In regards to this, my opinion is that his team wants him to have the unreachable artist image almost like Beyoncé. You only know what she wants you to know but the difference in fan treatment is that the really few times Beyoncé acknowledges fans it’s very personal and cool. With Harry, it’s coming off as egoistical, he canceled shows in Canada and didn’t even acknowledge it, the fans knew from an email. It’s pretentious. And Harry has a charisma, he can be private and still acknowledge fans that are the reason he has a career. When an artist is able to create the equilibrium it’s amazing for both parts cause the fans feel seen while the artist doesn’t share anything personal. Beyoncé has been out for years, yet we still see some BTS especially of her work cause that’s why we are here and we know that. She put those boundaries up after 2007 and it gives her the unreachable celeb status while keeping the fandom happy.

Yes, I can totally see your perspective and agree with it. Specially with the Canada concerts. I was one of those who highly critiqued that attitude, among others. But, with time, I kinda read in between the lines and developed the opinion that I shared on that ask. I agree that there’s a lot to improve though, and he can totally manage it.