#enneagram childhood

[elaho]

This is the final/touched-up version of the post I made a while ago, along with some story and character lore. I've been thinking hard about what kind of story I want to tell with this graphic novel since I really don't want to put my time and effort into something that isn't meaningful to me.

Story Time: I recently broke up with my INFJ boyfriend of 7 months this December. He was an immature INFJ and it was an unhealthy relationship where I was consistently neglected and my Fi ("Introverted Feeling"), including personal feelings, were not taken seriously or valued.

It was a necessary break-up, but it unearthed a lot of past trauma I was subjected to from *unhealthy* Fe ("Extroverted Feeling") users throughout my life. The realization of my resentment towards high Fe users has brought up a lot of mixed feelings, including both shame for hating Fe and fear of being rejected by it.

I hadn't known Fe to be anything but abusive or manipulative and I had believed firmly that I could never be fully embraced or understood by Fe users because I was too "dark", "depressing", or "anti-social" just for being myself and expressing my Fi.

That is, until recently...

(To be continued with my next post) ;)

[lilmeawmeawblog]

childhood of enneagram types

📍Enneagram 8 : the challenger . ☆ . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

an E8 kid probably grew up in a dangerous environment or a violent household. Or even if they grew up in a normal household , very early in life they understood that the world is an unfair, unsafe place so meek, weak people don't make it; the thing that matters the most is survival. As a kid they might have felt like it's not okay to feel pain, be weak & vulnerable. It's likely they were betrayed by an adult figure and came to believe that people can't be relied on. They were adventurous kids & frequently got into trouble , when they were punished for it( sometimes unfairly) the kids defended themselves, they fought back, they felt like if no one defends them then they themselves will. This E8 kid was the black sheep or scapegoat child of their family. Just like E1 kids they were forced to grow up quickly. The more rejection they faced as kids the more they hardened their hearts. The innocence of a kid was lost very early. Mostly it's the betrayal, unfairness & rejection they experienced in childhood. The child knew the world is cruel , in order to survive you have the protect your feelings, be bold & assertive. It's likely they lacked protection, even they were a small child they liked to see themselves as big & powerful to defend themselves against it. Growing up the E8 child might felt like one day they will avenge the unfairness they were experiencing.

[thejewelsway122]

Cobra Kai Characters' and their Enneagram types

I love Cobra Kai so much and enjoyed SEASON 6 as well so I decided to write out their potential Enneageam types.

Now I want to be clear that this is my opinion, so you might not agree with me, but I still hope that this post will be helpful and you will enjoy it as well.

Enneagram 1 (The Reformer)

The Reformer are individuals that have a strong desire to be good and their core fear is being bad/wrong. This type is in the gut triad, because they have instinctual energy, and their dominant emotion is anger, but they repress it. These people are critical, hardworking, principled, organized, honest, and absolute perfectionists.

The reason they are like that is because in their childhood, they learned that it wasn't okay to make a mistake. Psychreel.com states, "Enneagram One as children felt harshly criticized, punished, or inadequate. It’s possible that the household rules were incongruent. As a result, they grew preoccupied with being perfect and avoided making mistakes in order to escape being judged. “You should always strive to be better than you really are,” was the main theme."

Kim Da-Eun, Devon Lee, Chozen Toguchi and John Kreese are definitely Reformers. Now I know it seems strange that John Kreese, Kim Da-Eun, Chozen Toguchi or Devon Lee would be a Reformer but when you consider some hints that they throw out, you can see it. For an example, Kim Da-Eun always speaks on being absolutely perfect, Devon Lee mentioned that she strives to not make the same mistake twice, Chozen always speaks about having honor, and John Kreese always talks as if his way is the right way.

I also want to mention that all of them have always shown to be calm and collected unless provoked and they show a desire to want to do the right thing as well. As an example, Devon felt very guilty about unintentionally humiliating Kenny until she finally confessed to him about what she did or even how Kreese readily defends others like Terry Silver, his late girlfriend Betsy, Tory and Kim when they were in danger or abused.

(I couldn't get a gif of Chozen Toguchi, it won't let me add another gif)

Enneagram 9 (The Peacemaker)

The Peacemaker are individuals that have a core desire to create inner peace and harmony with themselves and the world around them. Meanwhile, their core fear is being in conflict, tension or feeling shut out and losing connection with others. The Peacemaker also has instinctual energy and their dominant emotion is anger but they numb themselves to it until they lash out. These people are creative, supportive, empathetic, and very accepting.

The reason why they're very accommodating is because in their childhood they learned that it wasn't okay to assert themselves and that their presence or opinions didn't matter. 9wing1.com states, "They fear that if they express their opinions or needs, they will be rejected and cause conflict. This fear can lead to a tendency to avoid confrontation and merge with others' opinions and desires. They doubt their ability to assert themselves and often feel overlooked or ignored."

Daniel LaRusso, Aisha Robinson and Moon are definitely Peacemakers. There are multiple times that they tried to de-escalate tense situations because they want to keep the peace with others. I also noticed that Daniel, Aisha and Moon are initially welcoming towards others, and even forgiving towards people who have wronged them as well.

Now, Moon has shown to merge with her friend Yasmine and she also appears passive but she also is very friendly, sociable and accepting. Meanwhile, Daniel and Aisha have shown to have a temper, however Aisha will confront the issue and Daniel will try to avoid it until he lashes out.

All in all, they definitely display the traits of the Peacemaker.

Enneagram 8 (The Challenger)

The Challenger are individuals that have a desire to be strong in order to guard against injustice. The core fear of a Challenger is being vulnerable or powerless because they fear being controlled. The Challenger also has instinctual energy so they dominantly feel anger, but compared to the other members of the Gut Triad, they are more in tune with their anger and more willing to express it. These people are confident, strong, protective, inspiring, independent, and confrontational.

The reason these people become Challengers is because in their childhood they learned it was never okay to let their guard down. Enneageamgift.com states, "Eights bear a childhood wound originating from insecure relationships with parental figures ... This instability propels Eights to adopt the role of the protector, compensating for the absence of guidance and positive leadership."

The Challengers are definitely Tory Nichols, Mike Barnes, Kwon Jae-Sung and of course Johnny Lawrence. There are multiple times that these people showed the traits of the Challenger like how all of them are rebellious which shows the fear of being controlled. They are also very intimidating as well because of their temper but their anger has led to them getting into trouble.

They also struggle with being vulnerable especially Tory, but they later on learned to overcome that. Sadly, Kwon never got the chance to reach that point in his life, but he definitely showed strong traits of The Challenger like the others for this type.

I'm going to make a Part 2 for the other characters. I hope this was informative too and interesting too!!

[discoveringmyself88]

Woah! This hit home.

[keitashi-is-me]

Childhood of enneagram types

type 1 : the reformer

type 2 : the helper

type 3 : the achiever

type 4 : the individualist

type 5 : the investigator

type 6 : the loyalist

type 7 : the enthusiast

type 8 : the challenger

descriptions by @lilmeawmeawblog

[morayofsunshine]

i think typology in general makes a lot more sense when you think of it as “what is this person’s view on life in this point in time” rather than “what immutable qualities of personality does this person have”

[bat-the-misfit]

finding people with similar interests to me is so fucking important and heartwarming and i feel so cyiwhwvdjwnaksjs and-

[writing-chats]

ultimate character development template

basics

name: meaning of name: nicknames/titles: age: gender: location: birthday: strengths + example where it's shown: weaknesses + example where it's shown: how it affects others:

emotional depth

attachment style + how it manifests in the story: physical fear: emotional/abstract fear: happy memory: sad memory: object of significance: philosophical outlook/belief: what characters are ignorant about themselves: how confident are they: goal: long-term dreams: what they're embarrassed/ashamed to tell others about: regrets: source of pride: source of misery: what they admire above all else: do they believe in fate:

personality

mbti: enneagram: big five: character archetype: star sign: who they pretend to be on the outside: who they actually are/how they feel towards the mask: mental health conditions: how it manifests for them: iq: eq: humour: reputation:

habits

bad habits: mannerisms when stressed: mannerisms when content: mannerisms when scared: mannerisms normally: verbal mannerisms/distinctive speaking style: how do they move across a room: what do they say and what remains unsaid: how they express love: hobbies:

appearance

defining features: eye shape + colour: hair texture + colour: skin texture + tone: vibe: height: build: clothing: any bodily disfigurement (scars, etc.): overall attractiveness: their opinion on their appearance: appeals to:

relationships

who they trust most: what they wish they could do for them: what's holding them back: who they hate most: what they wish they could do to them: what's holding them back: relationship with the protagonist: relationship with the antagonist: siblings: relationship with them: parents/step-parents: relationship with them: previous broken relationships: why did it break: what others expect of them: who believes in them: their mentor character/who they look up to: political/religious/other affiliations: what makes them different from every other character: non-human relationships + why: romantic "type" + why: relationship dynamics:

backstory/background

primary emotion towards their past: primary feelings while in their past: where did they grow up: defining incidents: earliest childhood memory: saddest memory: happiest memory: major accomplishments: their opinion on it: notable people in their backstory: effect on them today: trauma: what have they already lost: financial circumstance:

progression

why are they important (eg. why're they the only one able to do something?): what do they learn about themselves throughout the story: what do they learn about the world: how do they feel towards their newfound knowledge: character arc (positive, negative, neutral): how relationships change because of their actions: what mistakes do they make: what scene is their character highlighted: do they get what they want: why or why not: what happens to them after the story ends:

[dinosrawr]

Why the HELL is this year hitting me so hard? Like. Weren't the other eleven months enough gut punches on their own? I just. I can't.

I've lost track of how many times I've cried today. It's hurt every year since 2008. But I guess this year it's just. Worse. (Hey Google, play What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts).

I JUST WANT A FAMILY, GODDAMN IT

I know I have kids. They don't count for this- this desperation in my heart.

Dependents don't hit the same way. They don't fill my stocking. They don't remember Nana's old recipe that she never wrote down. They can't reminisce with me about that one time I lost my favorite ring, just to find it a year later in the Christmas decoration box. They don't have baby shoe ornaments that say 1989 or the reindeer I made with fingerprints in 1st grade. They don't watch the football game just to remember "we don't even like the Lions, we should just play our own game" and insist everyone play tackle, trying to pretend like it doesn't happen every year the same way without fail. They don't have silly anecdotes and memories and nostalgia from Christmas 20 years ago.

I shouldn't be alone. I shouldn't have to know my friends are all with their parents and siblings, while knowing that mine don't even want me in their home. I shouldn't have to listen to the spouse talk to his mom for hours, reminding me that mine couldn't be bothered to even acknowledge her grandchildren with a card. It's not fair that when my kids think of their extended family, they will never think of mine.

It's not fair that I have to sit here and mourn people and traditions and nostalgic moments that are very much still alive. It hurts so fucking much to never be invited back home. Not. Once. To know you're not welcome by the people that raised you, grew up with you, shared their room, their darkest secrets, their nightmares with you. Those people weren't my just family, they were my home. They taught me to love Iron Man, Disney songs, pirate movies, hobbits carrying rings, keyblade video games, Little Ponies, lions in wardrobes, scrooges singing with muppets, wars in the stars. They made me who I am, through so much bad, but with so much good too.

And yet.

Here I am.

(On my own. Pretending they're beside me. Without me, their world will keep on turning. A world that's full of happiness that I will never know. I love them. But only on my own.)

Another year. Another December. Another blatant reminder that I don't have a family. Not because they're gone. But because they decided I was unlovable and unworthy.

And it doesn't matter how much my friends love me. It doesn't matter how much I love my kids. Neither group can fill the gaping wound in my heart created by being discarded. The friends, the kids, the spouse. I watch their mothers and siblings love them all year, and all year it hurts. But at Christmas, witnessing a love that I will never have is a dagger to my very core.

[floristjimin]

charles and edwin's enneagram types

ok so I’ve been seeing a lot of really good analysis on charles and edwin’s internal motivations and how they tend to react to difficult situations. I’ve also had a deep interest in the enneagram for several years, and I just started reading a book about it, and my brain immediately connected it to DBD. so here are my thoughts on what charles and edwin’s enneagram types might be, how this influences many different aspects of their personalities, how their types complement each other really well, and how they’ve supported each other to be the best versions of their true selves.

What is the Enneagram?

More than just a personality type, the nine types of the Enneagram describe the “basic archetypes of humanity’s tragic flaws, primary fears, and unconscious needs.” Most Enneagram authors agree that we are born with a dominant type, and that this type “determines the ways we learn to adapt to our early childhood environment.”

The types are not static — there are different “levels of development” that describe how each type behaves when they are psychologically healthy or unhealthy. There is also something called the direction of integration/disintegration — each type behaves like another type when they are under stress or in growth (e.g. type Nines behave like Sixes when they are stressed, and Threes when they are in growth). So two people with the same type may not behave the same way as each other, and a person throughout their own life may grow and change, but they will still align with that dominant type.

All this to say, the Enneagram is a really useful tool for self-understanding and for having empathy for yourself and others, because it gives a lot of insight into a person’s core fears and underlying motivations.

charles - type nine

A big part of Charles’s character arc in season one was the repression and denial of his own anger. This was the biggest clue for me that he might be a type Nine.

There are so many examples of this, especially in episode 4:

the scene with Charles and Crystal on the lighthouse where they talk about the events of the devlin house (Crystal: Charles, could we just for one second talk about what happened? Charles: Crystal, I don’t have anything else to say. yes, that guy was horrible. yes, my dad was horrible. yes, I got angry. now I’m fine. Crystal: you don’t have to keep things bottled up)

the scene (1) when Charles is upset that Edwin hid the fact that he saw the cat king again, Edwin directly asks “why are you getting so angry?” and Charles immediately falls quiet

the scene where Charles attacks night nurse — he can no longer hold back his anger, and his friends are shocked (2). It is unusual for him to express his anger like this.

Ok, so why do Nines tend to be out of touch with their anger? Type Nines are “the peacemaker”, described as easygoing, reassuring, and agreeable. The basic fear of the type Nine is of loss and separation (3), and their basic desire is to have inner stability, peace of mind. “They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting.” Nines want to avoid conflict; they have seen from past experiences that anger can be a huge source of conflict, so they learn to repress their anger.

This could also be part of the reason why Charles decides to stay (4) with Edwin when they first meet. Going with Death would mean having to fully accept the fact that he is dead, and that’s upsetting to him. Nines are also known as “chameleons” and tend to mirror/blend with those they are around (a way of avoiding conflict) — “being a separate self, an individual who must assert themselves against others, is terrifying to Nines. They would rather melt into someone else or quietly follow their idyllic daydreams.” So it makes sense that staying with Edwin feels like the safest option to Charles.

Some other scenes that make more sense through the lens of Charles being a type Nine:

Any time Edwin tries to initiate a serious conversation, Charles’s immediate reaction is to downplay things, and give a lighthearted response in an attempt to minimize tension (ep 6 (5), ep 7 (6)). There’s also that flicker of emotion on his face before he promptly represses it and tries to present a more reassuring reaction (ep 6 (7))

“Every (8) day, I’m fuckin’ smiling. ‘Cause who else is gonna be the one holding it together and keeping spirits up? … What good am I even doing? I couldn’t stop Devlin from murdering his family over and over, I can’t stop Crystal from hurting, I can’t stop whatever it is that’s going on with you, I can’t stop anything! I sure as hell couldn’t stop my dad from beating the shit out of me. No matter how good I was.” — This directly points to his desire to create harmony in his environment (and taking on way too much personal responsibility (9) for it)

The scene in ep 5 where Charles admits he is afraid (10) that he’s like his dad, and Edwin’s response (11) — this is a really important moment where Charles finally allows himself to acknowledge his feelings, and Edwin learns to respond with patience and mirrors the reassurance that Charles himself so freely gives.

edwin - type one

One of the things we learn about Edwin in the very first episode of season one is that he deeply cares about solving cases and helping others.

“Our (12) deaths didn’t matter. No one ever solved them. Now you are sharp and fun, but this is not a game. We are solving cases that would never be solved. Police don’t know what to do with a fucking witch! We didn’t matter. He and I. So these cases matter. They have to matter!”

Type One is “The Reformer”; they are described as principled, purposeful, and self-controlled. The basic fear of the type One is that they are corrupt, evil, and defective (which makes it even more devastating that he spent 70 years in hell), and their basic desire is to be good, have integrity, and be balanced.

This description above reminds me a LOT of the conversation he has with the cat king in episode 4:

Cat King: Why do these cases of complete strangers matter to you so much? Edwin: Not that you would understand, but I help ghosts whose cases would go unsolved. I right wrongs. [after Cat King forces him to tell the “truth”] Edwin: I’m also doing as much good as I can, so that eventually if I have to go back to hell, I can make my case for leniency … I’m ashamed. It’s selfish.”

A lot of Edwin’s repression definitely has to do with the time period he’s from, but I think it also points to that type One desire to be “good”.

Does this not perfectly describe Edwin’s entire journey (13) of self-discovery in season one? See also, his remarks about emotions (14) and human connection (15).

Lastly, I’ll link to this post (16), as well as the fact that it took me a lot of thinking to figure out that Edwin was a One — he does not fit the usual stereotype of a One. He’s not overly perfectionistic or highly critical, he’s not afraid of making mistakes. Instead, we see a One at a healthy level — principled, a person of integrity, who is able to see that imperfections are part of perfection, who is able to work on undoing those patterns of repression. Additionally, type Ones tend to look like Sevens when they are in a direction of growth — Sevens are described as spontaneous and playful, constantly seeking new and exciting experiences. We definitely start to see this side of Edwin, and I think part of why he is able to grow in this direction is because his friendship with Charles has given him an environment where he feels safe and comfortable.

charles & edwin - the relationship between Ones and Nines

Even more interesting, there is a section on the Enneagram site that discusses relationship dynamics between different Enneagram types. This part highlights how the One and the Nine have different ways of reacting to stress and how they express (or don't express) anger:

For Edwin, this perfectly captures his prickliness and snippiness in the first few episodes towards Crystal.

And for Charles, this lines up with his emotions (17)/reactions starting from episode 3 in the devlin house and how he tries to ignore his emotions and repress his anger

Lastly, on a more positive note, this part really describes their partnership and synergy perfectly:

I also think this ties in to Charles’s direction of growth — as a type Nine, Charles would look like a type Three in his direction of growth. Threes are described as adaptable, driven, and energetic (as well as attractive and charming). I think he exhibits all of these traits -- being friends with Edwin for the past 30 years has definitely supported Charles in this direction of growth.

Overall, I think all of this really speaks to how realistic and complex these characters are. If you read this whole thing, THANK YOU. I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this, if you agree with these types, if you have any more examples you can think of in the show, if you think they fit better with a different type, etc.!! And if you’re interested in learning more about the Enneagram I’ll leave some sources below.

The Enneagram Institute website

The Sacred Enneagram by Christopher L. Heuertz

Sleeping at Last podcast feat. Chris Heuertz, about type One and Nine

One by Sleeping at Last

Nine by Sleeping at Last

references: 1 - @that-ineffable-devil 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15 - @mellxncollie 3, 7 - @homoquartz 4, 13 - @nikossasaki 9 - @asidian 16 - @abeautifulblog 17 - @melefim

[evignonita]

Random headcanons: Curious-Hogleg siblings ver. 💥💥

Names:

-Jenny's full name is Jenny Mary (Smith) Curious Hogleg, common ass name for a queen, she didn't want to burn her neurons by choosing her name.

-Pascal's full name is Pascal Galileo Curious Hogleg, he chose his name himself because 🏳️‍⚧️ and I feel that Pascal loves the names of famous astronomers and scientists in general, that's why Tycho is called Tycho, for Tycho Brahe.

-Vidcund's full name is Vidcund Charles Curious Hogleg because of Charles Darwin... Glarn named him.

-Lazlo's full name is Lazlo Johannes Curious Hogleg because I don't remember why, I think I read it somewhere and I liked it. Kitty named him.

Height (cm):

Jenny is 176 cm tall; Pascal is 163 cm tall; Vidcund is 178 cm tall; Lazlo is 175 cm tall. The shorty siblings

Age (2004) and birthdays:

-Jenny is 43 years old, she was born on May 16, 1961, Twinbrook, Simnation. (*)

-Pascal is 30 years old, he was born on October 30, 1974, Strangetown, Simnation.

-Vidcund is 29 years old, he was born on November 3, 1975, Strangetown, Simnation.

-Lazlo is 23 years old, he was born on December 11, 1981, Strangetown, Simnation.

(*) I'm not entirely sure about Jenny's age.

Sexual orientation and identity:

-Jenny is a pansexual panromantic trans woman.

-Pascal is an asexual biromantic trans man.

-Vidcund is a demisexual biromantic cis man.

-Lazlo is a bisexual biromantic cis man.

Personality (MBTI and enneagram):

-Jenny: ESFJ 2w3

-Pascal: INTP 5w4

-Vidcund: ISTJ 8w7

-Lazlo: ENFP 4w3

Random data:

-Jenny loves listening to the Backstreet Boys, when she lived with her brothers she always listened to them; Pascal, Vidcund and Lazlo pretended to hate the musical group, but occasionally hummed their songs.

-Jenny distanced herself from her siblings and family in general because Glarn did not accept her relationship with Pol Smith, she never understood why (and that's why the Curious brothers and her don't have such a high relationship).

-Jenny taught Vidcund about botany.

-Pascal knows how to play piano (basic), write and draw, when he doesn't do anything, he feels stressed. He is a bit pretentious, but because he was only flattered as a child for his achievements, as he grew up he learned to be calmer and control his ego.

-Pascal was Glarn's golden child.

-Pascal wanted to study psychology, but he knew that he was going to excel more in physics.

-Pascal wears retainers for his teeth at night.

-Vidcund wore braces throughout his childhood and teen ages, he used orthodontics until adulthood, and he had to use them again because he never used his retainers and his teeth returned to how they were before.

-Vidcund bleaches his hair, eyebrows and beard, his natural hair color is black.

-Vidcund went unnoticed by his parents (the curse of the middle child).

-Lazlo loves monkeys because he and Kitty watched Animal Planet together, also because Kitty was a biologist and brought pictures with images of chimpanzees and monkeys just for Lazlo.

-Lazlo has a good relationship with Sinjin because Sinjin took care of him as a child when Glarn and Kitty asked him to (Sinjin and Jenny are the same age).

-Jenny, Pascal and Vidcund can speak Tagalog, Lazlo never learned the language and sometimes his siblings use it to their advantage.

Songs that give me vibes to them:

-Jenny: Cementerio Club - Pescado Rabioso (because of the green color of the album cover); Estación - Sui Generis; Lovesong - The Cure.

-Pascal: Lago en el Cielo - Gustavo Cerati; Mil Horas - Los abuelos de la Nada; Starman - David Bowie.

-Vidcund: Devuélveme a mi chica - Hombres G; A estos hombres tristes - Almendra; Smells like teen spirit - Nirvana; Heart of Glass - Blondie.

-Lazlo: Salir de la Melancolía - Serú Girán; Lobo hombre en París - La Unión; Blue - Eiffel 65.

I would like to add more things but😏🛌💤

[lilmeawmeawblog]

childhood of enneagram types

🔆Enneagram 7 : the enthusiast . ☆ . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"the nurturer"/the mother of an E7 kid played a huge role. As a kid they were extremely sensitive to their bond with the mother (or the nurturer), its very likely that the child was cut-off from the mother's nurturing too soon & experienced a disconnection with their mother figure, the mother figure got occupied with other things very early in their childhood-- it can be the birth of an other sibling, an illness, career etc. ---if that was not the case then they were heavily influenced by the phase when they were learning to be more independent of the mother figure. It's possible that E7 kid had a good close relationship with the mother figure. Regardless of the quality of the relationship, the E7 kid felt the unconscious need to mother themselves , they understood very early in life that no one else is going to care for them, give them what they want, so they have to take care of themselves and get what they want. The kids dealt with the separation from their mother figure by focusing their attention on some other things outside of themselves-- toys, games, playmates, fantasies, plans, pleasurable thoughts etc. which occupied the child's mind and distracted them form the anxiety & painful feelings of separation. E7 adults often say that they had a good childhood but for the most cases it's their habit to see the brighter side of things - E7 children often idealize their parents because they want to believe their parents care for them so they can defend themselves against the pain of harsh reality & develop more of a fantasy relationship , many E7 say they experienced some dreadful events they didn't know how to deal with it as a child.

As an adult, how much they depend on distractions to get through life will depend on how deprived they felt in childhood.

[aeli-tan-art]

Whats a enneagram??

a method of putting the common human problems, that people usually encounter during childhood which affect the ways how someone would make decisions in the future, into 9 categories.

LocalScriptMan's explanation of a Enneagram 3 is "someone who seeks external validation through success because he feels inadequate as a person and subconsciously believes he needs to be better than others in order to get his needs met." Sounds familiar?

It's a pretty fun watch!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I’m a 23 year old INFP. Due to childhood trauma and growing up in an abusive household, but ultimately I suppose due to my own personal struggle to take control of my life, I feel very behind and unaccomplished at my age. I have yet to finish my degree. I managed to get through high school with flying colours, but it turned out I was completely incapable of managing my depression and focusing on school at the same time. As a result, I’ve dropped out for the time being (I’m about halfway done) and have decided to focus on managing myself, personal development, and getting my finances in order before continuing school.

I feel a lot of shame and guilt for not completing school on time, as I’ve always seen myself as “smart” and “scholarly” I suppose, and was raised to hold education in high regard. To put things into perspective a bit more, I’ve always struggled with procrastination, getting things done on time and allowing my emotions to completely captivate me to the point where I easily neglect my duties. Despite this, I managed to get through high school as an outstanding student, but like I said earlier, this did not carry on into college unfortunately.

I feel like I’m less than half of the person that I could be. I also feel held back by my typology. I recall that you don’t hold much regard for enneagram, but I will just say being an INFP 4, it feels like I was born as the type most susceptible to failure. Now, I know INFP does not equal failure, as my best friend is also one and is a relatively successful business woman. However, she has things in life that I severely lack; adequate parental guidance, self esteem, and what I’d describe as much more developed Si. This isn’t to say things were handed to her, she worked for a lot of what she has now, but I do think that she was blessed with much more assets than I was.

I guess what I feel is that INFP is the least useful brain to have in a situation like mine. I have not a logical mind, nor a desire for any sort of order like Js do, and on top of that I was not taught any life skills, and all of my emotional intelligence was developed on my own, through observation. So, I’m great at giving advice, and horrible at applying it to my own life. I’ve been said to be wise, insightful, and particularly good at dissecting interpersonal relationships, yet nothing about my situation in life would reflect this, except maybe my relationships I have with my friends, to a degree.

I know I lack emotional intelligence despite being told otherwise, and this is something I’ve only recently come to terms with. I now believe if I truly had emotional intelligence, I would be in a better position than I am now. I have a tendency to avoid things that make me feel bad. I enjoy staying up late and staying in bed all day. I feel very unequipped to deal with society. I hate strangers, I hate being yelled at, I hate being invalidated, I hate being misunderstood, and all of these hatreds and my incompatibility with society were solidified during the years I worked (fast food, sales, and call centers). I am now very hesitant to get a job, I feel like I’ll be unable to succeed at anything I’m actually qualified for, as it often requires dealing with strangers. I don’t know how I did it before, but I do remember feeling dread during every work hour. I am scared to be in that position again.

I have a tendency to do more for others than myself. I’ll spend all day or longer writing an essay for a friend, or helping them with their homework, and yet I cannot bring myself to focus on my own studies. I can give a friend mountains of advice, perhaps even a detailed life plan, but I can’t begin to truly dissect my own problems and figure something out. It is so much easier engaging with someone else’s problems instead of my own. These days, I often feel like some sort of side character, someone meant to uplift others, but cannot experience any development for themselves. The narrative isn’t focused on me, although I so desperately want it to be.

I want to be accomplished. I want to be strong. I want to face strangers with ease. I want to be able to push aside my feelings in order to work hard. I want to be comfortable with myself, to be a beacon of hope for others, not just by my words and ability to connect with others, but by who I am as a person on my own.

But I am so inconsistent in my pursuits of self improvement, and so easily defeated. I’ve tried and failed a million times. I’ve improved myself over time, but the improvement has been minuscule and inconsistent. It isn’t entirely my fault, as there are circumstances I won’t get into that quite literally force me away from my goals, but I know that I need to find a work around and learn to cope with them so that I may one day succeed and leave these circumstances.

I just don’t know what to do. How can such a sensitive, reclusive, and traumatized person such as myself break their chains? Is it even possible to live up to the greatness I desire that lives only in my head? As an INFP born into such unlucky circumstances, am I destined to always fall short of the person I need to become?

My friends tell me that I’m a great person. They would say I’m capable and that they’ve seen proof. I am cursed with the knowledge that they speak with bias, and their perceptions of me are not based off reality, but by subjective feelings of tenderness. I feel like if anything, it’s been proven that I am incapable.

The only thing I’m really “good” for is giving emotional support to others, but that means nothing to society and absolutely nothing to myself. When I say this, I don’t mean to say that I don’t value kindness or the ability to connect, but that these “strengths” of mine do not realistically benefit my life. Being empathetic is nice for others who know me, but it hasn’t made me a more accomplished or skilled individual, and it hasn’t added any pride to my image. It doesn’t mean much to me if in the end I still can’t take care of myself and I still don’t have much value as a member of society. Especially when I look around and see how much more accomplished my peers who are much more insensitive than me are.

How do I change? How can I live up to my own expectations and standards? How do I fight back?

----------------------

You've brought up a lot of different points, so I'll attempt to break them down for you:

(1) Type Clarification: How did you come to INFP and are you certain this is the correct type? I am obliged to clarify this point because function development isn't going to work for you unless you have the correct type. Generally speaking, based on my experience with type assessment, there are certain warning signs that indicate a mistype, and you display a few of them, so it's important to double check before proceeding.

(2) A Problem of Perspective: What you've written is basically a narrative of your life that explains how you got to this point. What you don't seem to understand yet is that a "narrative" isn't reality. A narrative is merely a story that is told from a very narrow and specific point-of-view.

I always like to bring up the children's story The Ugly Duckling as an example of how a personal narrative can heavily influence one's perspective and lead one into forming faulty beliefs about oneself and the world. The main character of the story wasn't able to truly understand himself until he realized that his personal narrative was all wrong. You are in a similar boat.

Whether they realize it or not, everyone has a personal narrative, a story that they tell themselves about who they are. How do we know whether the narrative is a good one? Think about what a narrator does in a novel:

- A story always makes more sense and is more easily understood when the narrator isn't the main character but rather an omniscient or godly being that tells the story from an objective vantage point (third person perspective). As such, we can trust that the narrator is providing a full and factual account.

- When the narrator is the main character (first person perspective), you will find that the story is more difficult to understand for two reasons: 1) there is a lack of information due to lack of access to other perspectives in the story, and 2) readers must suffer the same distortions in belief and flaws in memory that the character suffers.

Knowing this, I will point out two problems with your narrative...

(3) Lack of Objectivity: The first problem with your narrative is that it is stuck in the first person perspective. You very much lack a bigger picture view of things, which is not an uncommon problem for introverts who struggle with tertiary loop. This is a sign of insufficient extraverted development, i.e., trapped in subjectivity and lacking objectivity. You're unable to see yourself and your situation from any other perspective but your own, to the point where you actively dismiss every other valid perspective.

Lack of bigger picture thinking is often correlated to depression. Your mind basically operates as though having fallen into a pit, with no view of anything but yourself. Spend enough time being stuck with yourself and every little thing that flits through your mind gets amplified manyfold, such that every ache and pain feels much larger than it really is.

If you are INFP, this situation should be remedied through auxiliary Ne development that would grant you a more open-minded, optimistic, resourceful, ambitious, and forward-thinking attitude. It's not about "shoving your feelings aside" but about learning to see things in a more positive light. The cure to being too negative is to learn how to balance it by being more open to the positive.

Healthy NPs never shy away from problems because they trust in Ne, i.e., they exercise their creative problem solving skills as necessary to get over hurdles and obstacles, even transforming them into something positive. So, why aren't you exercising Ne? What have you done to develop Ne? It is troubling (and perhaps a sign of being mistyped) when the auxiliary function is completely absent from your cognition.

(4) Poor Critical Thinking: The second problem with your narrative is that it was spun out of faulty beliefs. You've basically been telling yourself a bogus story, over and over again, and now you believe that every word is true. When a narrative is fundamentally flawed like this, the remedy is to change the story and make it more objective as mentioned above in point #3, as well as more factual.

While there are facts peppered throughout your story, your interpretation of the facts is often incorrect. You want to believe you have a good grasp of the facts, but you don't.

For example, the fact is that the education system, being as big as it is and not having all the resources in the world, cannot be much more than a crude one-size-fits-all approach to learning. As such, it's not going to work equally well for everyone. There are always going to be students with special needs or unique circumstances that won't flow smoothly through the system as planned. If the system isn't working for you, is it something to take as a personal failure and feel deeply ashamed about?

I used to teach critical thinking courses and there was one problem I encountered again and again. Many people think they understand facts, but the truth is that they don't even have basic knowledge of what a fact is.

For example: Yes, it is a fact that you were deprived a healthy childhood. Yes, it is a fact that you had to drop out of your studies. These things happened and they are provable. However, how did you jump from these simple facts to make claims such as "I'm a failure"? Calling yourself a failure isn't a fact but rather a value judgment, and in this case, it is an unjustified value judgment.

An easy way to tell whether someone has poor critical thinking skills is to see whether they can tell the difference between a fact and a value. You aren't able to, and many people aren't able to. Believing that you have a good grasp of the facts when you actually don't is how you end up with faulty beliefs. When you go through life with faulty beliefs, you're much more likely to take the wrong approach, make errors, and suffer from unconscious biases and prejudices.

People aren't born with good critical thinking; it must be learned and practiced. There are lots of resources for improving, and you ought to improve because it's vital for challenging faulty beliefs. However, deeply entrenched beliefs are difficult to change on your own because your ego is invested in them, so it might be a good idea to work with a cognitive-behavioral therapist. They can be your objective party and help point out exactly where your thinking is going wrong. But this is assuming that you're willing to open your mind to other perspectives.

(5) Emotional Reasoning: Yes, you are quite right that you need to improve your emotional intelligence. Throughout your story, I see many thinking errors that lead you to draw incorrect judgments/conclusions. But what lies at the heart of those errors is that your thought process frequently gets hijacked by unresolved negative emotions. Improving your emotional intelligence would not only help improve your mood, it would also help stop emotional reasoning.

In your story, you're trying to link cause and effect, in order to provide an explanation of the factors that led you to this point in life. This seems like a reasonable and logical thing to do. However, people who are prone to emotional reasoning often get cause and effect backwards or misattribute causes. When they're feeling bad, they concoct a story to explain and justify their negative feelings. In effect, they start with a conclusion and then selectively gather evidence to support it, which is backwards from proper logical reasoning that should start with the evidence and then draw the most logical conclusion from it.

For example, you claim that the only thing you're good for is providing emotional support, which implies that you're good at it. How can we prove this statement? One way would be to examine the results of the support you've given. Did people appreciate the support? Did it help them? Did it change them? If so, you can be said to be good at it.

But apparently what they say doesn't count as evidence. Somehow only you have access to the real evidence. Don't you find it odd that so many of your thought processes come back to you having some magical ability to access a deeper truth that others can't see? You call yourself a failure who is unable to do anything right on one hand, but then insist that you couldn't possibly be wrong when it comes to assessing yourself, on the other hand. This is the kind of contradictory thinking that emotional reasoning gets you mired in.

If being able to empathize isn't a skill, valuable both to oneself and others, then all the great friends, parents, caregivers, educators, coaches, doctors, nurses, vets, counselors, therapists, social workers, artists, musicians, writers, librarians, gardeners, and zookeepers should just delete themselves for their utter uselessness to society. Heck, I should just delete my whole blog right now because I don't get anything from writing this for you, yes?

There are absolutely personal benefits to be had from being empathetic. Through supporting and helping others, you can experience:

the dignity of choosing to be an honorable/humane person

the intimacy of deep and meaningful relationships

the satisfaction of reaping the fruits of your emotional labor

the joy of making a positive difference in the world

the awe of witnessing the realization of greater potential

It seems you can't recognize these benefits because they contradict the failure narrative and the negative emotions you're struggling with. Any evidence that makes you feel good about yourself must be rejected, right? Isn't it odd that you've closed off every path to feeling good about yourself except an impossible one, i.e., living up to some imaginary standard of what you believe all people your age should be? It's almost as though you are intent on believing the worst about yourself, so you set yourself up for failure with unreasonable expectations. But this is emblematic of how emotional reasoning messes up the mind.

People aren't born with great emotional intelligence. It's yet another thing you must learn and practice throughout life, that is, if you don't want your emotions to be out of your control. It doesn't matter when you start learning; it only matters that you start.

(6) Changing the Narrative: There are distinct patterns in our personal narratives, which Jung conceptualized as archetypes. Understanding these patterns from a more objective vantage point can help us craft a narrative that serves us better. At the end of the day, you are the one narrating the story, and you could choose to tell a different story at any time.

To give you an example, if I were to analyze your narrative, I'd say that your perspective is that of an "orphan". Orphans see themselves as rejected children, so their approach to the world is one of neediness for love but also deep resentment/anger about being abandoned. Orphans are prone to feeling: unmoored, confused, ashamed, helpless, hopeless, apathetic, fatalistic.

Of course, it's appropriate to feel: unmoored when you don't have a safe and stable home base to operate from; confused when you don't have enough social support; ashamed when you struggle more than others; helpless when you don't know what to do; hopeless when every attempt fails; apathetic when you get disappointed too many times; fatalistic when the odds seem stacked against you.

Nobody is saying that your feelings are invalid. What matters most is how you interpret the feelings and what you do about them. The problem is that, through emotional reasoning, you take your negative feelings and turn them into cynical judgments and then make decisions that leave you perpetually feeling like an orphan.

A narrative becomes sinister when one starts to derive some kind of egotistical benefit from it, which then breeds resistance against changing it. Are you willing to change your narrative at this point?

For example, many orphans keep telling the orphan story because it allows them to benefit from victimhood. Being a victim has its "perks". Victims have the right to self-pity. They have the right to rage against whatever they feel victimized by. They can also expect special treatment or extra care. As such, you will find that orphans often reject love and stay orphans in the end because they don't want to give up the "perks" of victimhood.

I'm not saying this example applies to you, but have you reflected on why you have a pattern of rejecting people's attempts to console you and provide you with evidence that you are actually a good and worthy person? Have you reflected on why you insist on telling the orphan story when other narratives are readily available to you?

For example, you could choose the "misfit" narrative. There are plenty of people, often INFPs, who march to the beat of their own drum and carve out their own unique path to success in life. Or, you could choose the "creator" narrative. INFPs generally love to use their imagination to come up with new and novel ways to live life outside the box. Why is it that you believe there's only one path available to you, that life is only about living up to society's unimaginative standards?

Or, you could embrace the "caregiver" narrative. It could be quite a heroic story, and it might lead you into a very meaningful and fulfilling career. Caregivers change people's lives for the better, which drives tangible and positive societal change. Yet, you reject this story and call caregiving worthless because you believe it is a "weakness" easily exploited. People mistreating you isn't something for you to be ashamed of. It is the perpetrators of abuse that ought to be ashamed and punished for their immoral behavior. How long are you going to keep punishing yourself for someone else's problem?

With regard to dealing with people, it sounds like you haven't learned about healthy boundaries. Boundary setting is a practical problem that can be addressed with practical solutions. Yet you turn it into some kind of grand existential crisis and make sweeping statements about the world. Do you really want to spend your whole life locked away, living in fear? It might feel good right now because it's safe, but in the long run you will actually be wasting away for not challenging yourself to reach your greater potential.

.

I'm not saying that any of these problems are easy to resolve. But these problems shouldn't be viewed in the traditional sense of needing a "fix" or that something is "wrong" (with you). These kinds of problems I've outlined are actually spiritual calls to change and improve. How do you change? It is through confronting what we lack and what we are afraid of that allows us to grow as human beings.

How can you live up to your own expectations and standards? Maybe a better question to ask is whether you've set the right expectations and standards? If you don't want to always feel bad about yourself, then you have to get up and start doing the things that will lead you to feel better about yourself. And we each have our own path to take to developing self-esteem and self-worth. Once you understand and respect your own individuality, then maybe you can exercise more self-compassion and allow yourself to live and learn at your own pace.

How do you fight back? I don't think it's necessary to "fight". Would you yell and scream and dump a flower in the trash just because it didn't grow as fast as the other seeds you planted? No, hopefully you would give it extra care to ensure that it has everything it needs to grow well. That's how you should be treating yourself. If you didn't grow up in an environment that taught you good life skills, then it is incumbent upon you to learn them as an adult, for the sake of your own well-being.

Life has enough challenges; you don't need to be fighting yourself. Instead of wasting time dwelling in fatalistic narratives, see yourself as a human being who is capable of learning and adapting. Learn to treat yourself well and cut out the noise to focus primarily on picking up the knowledge you need to progress in life, not just academics.

[hazyange1s]

MC: Ronan Sharp

Basics

Full name: Ronan Finley Sharp

Nickname(s): Ron (pronounced with a hard o), Sharpie, Prince Charming (by Sebastian)

Gender: male

Species: wizard/Selkie

Date of birth: September 21, 1874

Nationality: English and Irish

Blood status: pureblood

Wand: laurel, unicorn hair, 13 in, reasonably pliant

Appearance

Hair color: dark auburn

Hair style: loose, short waves with some curtain fringe

Eye color: hazel

Skin tone: fair; often with a light tan

Height: 6’1”

Body type: lean and toned

Clothing style: wears all colors (but especially loves light neutrals, warm tones, and black), prefers comfortable and unique fabrics (flannel, cashmere, fur)

Accessories:

Wears the Sharp family signet ring

Enjoys the occasional hat

Keeps his mother’s picture in his pocket watch

Other distinguishing features:

Freckles (of course)

Scar over his right eye (tried to Apparate at thirteen and splinched himself — still has poor vision in that eye)

Personality

Traits: friendly, enthusiastic, fun-loving, clever, sarcastic, perfectionistic, bossy

Likes: shakespeare, comfort food, medicine/biology, fall, making people laugh, generosity, genuineness

Dislikes: superiority complexes, dishonesty (from himself and others), large birds, flakes

Hobbies: chess, healing, charm creation, archery

Fears: the BIRDS man, abandonment, not being good enough

MBTI: ENFJ-A

Enneagram: 2w3 (268) so/sp

Zodiac: virgo sun, cancer moon, sagittarius rising

Temperament: sanguine

Archetype: the Caregiver

Similar characters: Apollo, Cedric Diggory, Richard Gansey, Lily Potter, Padme Amidala, Derek Shepherd

Family/Friends

Father: Aesop Sharp

Potions master and Slytherin alumnus

Stern with high expectations but well-meaning

Married his step mother when Ronan was five

Mother: Kassady DesRosiers (Fallon)

Pureblood

Dragonologist, Gryffindor alumnus

Killed when Ronan was 15 — he never got to meet her

Sibling: Raegan DesRosiers

Half-blood (same mother, different father)

Technically twins — Ronan was conceived and born first, but they shared a womb for 7 months

Gryffindor

Don’t meet properly until their sixth year

Pet: Apollo (tawny owl)

Received after his Hogwarts letter

Sort of the “communal owl” that all of his friends “borrow”

Gets into fights with the other owls oops

Friends: Poppy Sweeting, Diana Blackwine, Arthur Plumley, Adelaide Oaks, Ominis Gaunt, Garreth Weasley, Leander Prewett, Natsai Onai

Magic

Boggart: ostrich (lame)

Patronus: seal

Polyjuice: turns light green and tastes like fennel

Amortentia: lemon, butter, sage, frankincense

Special abilities:

Selkie blood — passed down from his father’s side and dilute enough to present rarely in a bloodline. Allows him to hold his breath underwater for extended periods of time; great swimmer, affinity for sea-dwelling creatures

Does not possess ancient magic

Exceptional and instinctual Healer

Backstory

Ronan was born in Cambridge, England in secret. His mother Kassady had hidden him from her abusive husband — as well as the fact that he was the product of a love affair with her former suitor; Aesop. Ronan grew up not knowing his birth mother (or the fact that he had a half/twin sister); raised by his father until Sharp married when his son was five.

He had a relatively happy childhood, though Ronan always felt slightly out of place. He was not the overly studious, serious type, which caused misunderstandings between him and his strict father… especially when Ronan is sorted into Hufflepuff instead of Slytherin (the Sharp family’s ancestral House).

But as he grows and learns more about his past and his family, he begins to come into his own as he becomes a Charms prodigy and a guiding light for the next generation of Keepers 😉.

Academics 

Best Subject: Charms, Magical Theory

Worst subject: Ancient Runes

Favorite teacher: Ronen and Kogawa

Least favorite teacher: Sharp (he’s harder on him than the rest oop)

As a student:

Very popular and personable; gets along with pretty much everyone (but isn’t a pushover)

His dyslexia causes him some trouble. Overall his intelligence and hard work helps him find ways around it

Mischievous — sort of a “thief in the night” that nobody suspects

Future

Career: Mediwizard

Ronan desires to make something of himself; to make a difference and be somebody useful in society. After seeing the impact that the goblin rebellion had on people and watching his sister/friends struggle with all manner of ailments (both mental and physical), he changes his career path from an Auror to Mediwizard.

He’d always had an interest in biology and medicine. The job allows him to dive deeper into those fascinations while giving him the adventure and variety Ronan secretly craves — he winds up traveling around Europe after Hogwarts under the employment of St. Mungo’s. Specializes in curses and mental illness.

Future spouse: undecided for now (side note: I’m always open to MCxMC ships! Ronan is pansexual so we’re not picky 😂)

[eyesofshan-if]

Hi, I hope you are doing well. Could you please tell us the enneagrams of the Ros. Thanks in advance.

i think i've answered this before, but now that there are new ROs i'll include their answers, with some explanation about their character motivations!! this is more of a personal character study than anything coherent, so feel free to skip it all!! mightttt contain some spoilers for the characters' routes

hansol: two

hansol is a textbook example of an enneagram 2. the key motivation behind most of his actions is to feel wanted or needed by others. he derives meaning and purpose from life from how 'useful' or 'helpful' he is to the society he belongs to, and much of the way he views the world is in related to that. he lives to serve: his country, his family, and you.

"Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I'll make a mess Or calm waters, if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached."

yongsun: nine

enneagram type 9s are called the peacemakers, but not necessarily because they are pacifists. yongsun is one of those devoted to seeking peace, both internal and external. however, while most others would simply come to peace with the chaos and troubles of the world, they were born into a unique position that gives them the power to make the necessary changes to achieve that desired peace.

"It looks like empathy To understand all sides But I'm just trying to find myself Through someone else's eyes."

wooyoung: seven

enneagram sevens fear being deprived and need to have their desires for freedom and fresh experiences fulfilled. still, this comes with a tendency to uproot themselves far too easily and often, leaving those they care about behind. wooyoung finds it difficult to settle anywhere, wanting all the new experiences, the new friends, everything — and fears getting too attached to anything too strongly. perhaps you will be the one to change that, commander.

"It feels like sinking when I'm standing in one place So I look to the future and I book another flight When everything feels heavy, I've learned to travel light."

raon: four

out of everything, raon fears mediocrity the most — to fade into obscurity like the rest of the women in her life did. there is no space for women in the male-dominated spaces of hae, yet the contributions of females in households — the foundation of every haeian's life — often go overlooked. after seeing this happen, raon refuses to let the same happen to her as well. enneagram fours have a strong desire to forge a unique identity that has significance.

"Flashlight in hand determined to find Authenticity only poetry could even begin to try to describe Bodies fashioned out of dirt and dust For a moment we get to be glorious."

no-eul: eight

although the oldest of the ros, no-eul has the most childish and simplistic heart. they do things as they desire without consideration of of much else. eights feel the need to prove their strength, to demonstrate their importance, to dominate wherever they are — yet all this is done with the strangely vulnerable motivation of not wanting to be hurt by others.

"I was just a kid who grew up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit."

????: one

enneagram ones strive to be always be right, beyond criticism, and no one believes that more than the herald of change. it does not matter that they actively pursue a vision that only a madman would dare to dream of. to rebel against the natural order, to crush the status quo under their feet. the high leader will stop at nothing to make those softly whispered childhood dreams a reality, even if they have to declare war against the entire world to do it.

"Now hold on, let me finish No, I'm not saying perfect exists in this life But we'll only know for certain if we try."