#enjoy it bc i dont know when itll happen again

[smittyw]

TEMPO DI ZUPPA

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[ericstoltz]

life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

[whumpshaped]

Hello! I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed glitching. It’s a bit embarrassing to say, but I barely interacted with it in any way that you could see because the format made me feel guilty about reading whump in a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time. That’s a compliment to your writing! Glitching was about being an accomplice and moral choices and I got caught up in it that I stopped participating in the polls after a few posts. I really liked it though.

Since you couldn’t see the likes that I very much wanted to give the series, I’m sending my thanks directly. You are really good at writing, and your specific style is one of my favorites on this site. Your writing is just brutal in a way that a lot of whump writing isn’t, and your characters are extremely compelling/whumpable. I can’t describe exactly what I love about it, but I do love it. You also made glitching really quickly, which is impressive. I’m still in awe of how you made all the different endings for the finale. That must have taken forever.

Was Glitching always going to end the way it did? If the audience had voted to kill Seth at the earliest opportunity, would that have happened? Are there any other pathways that you had planned out that we didn’t get to see? Basically, I loved Glitching and I want to hear all the behind the scenes details that you are willing to share.

Thanks again!

aaaaaaaaaa thank u SO much for this. long ass response under the cut !

this is honestly.... mostly all i wanted to achieve w glitching. (my first objective was to create a whump cyoa story where the options were all bad, bc in all the other ones ppl kept picking the good ones and i was like :| but my whump..? no whump..?) several times i felt like maybe the second person pov is too much and its too real and itll turn everyone off... but then i thought. thats. kind of what i want. i want it to feel a little gross even if its fiction. i wanted to make ppl feel conflicted.

so please dont feel bad about not interacting! i understand how it could feel rly bad and guilt-inducing. im glad u made the decision to stop interacting when u did, its NOT embarrassing in the slightest. this message means a whole lot either way.

hehehehehe im GLAD theyre brutal! thats very much the style i wanna be known for lol and the style i enjoy! i want stuff to be gruesome and disgusting! i want it to be brutal and unforgiving! i want violence! i want gore! and also thank u, im glad my characters r whumpable. especially w glitching, i saw that when other ppl put their cute ocs in situations no one wanted to hurt them, so i was like ok whos my most vile most hated most disgusting oc whom everyone would Love to see be punched in the face- in general i love making my ocs whumpable and pitiful. i love a pitiful little guy

i stopped writing glitching when my exams started at college, and iced it after maybe chapter 8 or 9. then i picked it back up again after i got a 20th message in my inbox abt how ppl miss it, and it successfully forced my hand to finally sit down and just Write. (i do have to be forced to write a lot of the times. it doesnt work for everyone, but it does for me. obviously i can never get in the zone if i dont even open the document yknow. thats why i write a lot of shitty drabbles! it keeps up momentum!) and then i just kept writing. and writing. and writing. trying to get a chapter out every day because i knew what i wanted to do and i wanted to finish it. when it comes to the finale, iiiii decided i wanted to do that whole thing literally 2 days beforehand. my friend told me "wow these options r all good" and i said "i know i kinda wanna see all of them too". and the idea was born. the seed was planted. the bug was in my fucken ear.

so the next morning i checked the poll on chapter 13, and saw that of course the option to keep seth alive was winning by far. so i wrote that in advance. then i started writing out the endings for the finale. i managed to get maybe 3 of them done. then the next day i finished the other 6, tweaked the earlier ones, all that. i uploaded them all, posted everything privately, fiddled forever w the links (which i knew were likely gonna break anyway-) and THEN WHEN THE TIME CAME I WANTED TO MAKE ONE LAST EDIT AND ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT. so i had to unprivate everything in a fucking frenzy like OH MY GOD PPL WONT UNDERSTAND I RUINED IT I RUINED EVERYTHING. but anyway yes it took me like 2 days of writing and editing but the response was soooooo worth it. ppl were so so so kind to me. it was honestly amazing.

one thing abt me, i started planning my stories At All in the last few months. before that, Nothing. and especially w smth like glitching, where the audience's decision influences the next chapter and i cant plan ahead, i didnt even bother. whatever the audience chose was always gonna happen. if they chose to exit the stream on the very first poll, i wouldve ended it. im serious. i thought abt pulling "you try to exit but it doesnt work" but then i was like. no. ppl can have one (1) chance to turn their heads away if they want, as a treat. i wouldve written a chapter about the debilitating guilt and lifelong "what if" feeling, and that wouldve been it. as for the earlier murder options, yes! i wouldve gone thru w it at any time. starting from maybe the 6th chapter (or whenever i brought in the murder option) the audience held the power to end the stream and seth's suffering. they chose not to. but they couldve.

one option that i wanted that never got chosen was the baseball bat. im obsessed w beating someone to the point of broken bones w a baseball bat. so when the ending was getting nearer and nearer, i thought about simply disregarding the last poll and writing a single chapter where the host goes "i respected the choices u made up until now, but this time, im making the decision". but i was like. no fuck that. this is an interactive story all about being able to choose ur own decisions. i just asked the audience to supply me w puppy seth commands, citing how it was interactive. i couldnt just go and ignore that two chapters later, yknow? plus as u said it kind of all hinged on the feeling of "i did this. im responsible". so if i took that responsibility away in the last second IN THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION OF ALL it wouldnt have been good enough

most of the time i just kept giving the options i really wanted to write, and eventually, ppl picked them. it was a good story in the sense that the order didnt matter too much. i could give the same options, and the host was still able to carry them all out.

some more behind the scenes- i thought about revealing the host's identity multiple times. i thought about making them someone the audience already knew (like ren, my friend's oc who greatly inspired the character from the very first chapter), or someone who couldve been vaguely familiar but unknown (a former friend of pumpkin?), but in the end i just settled on the mystery. especially since i decided to give it a paranormal twist. i couldve NEVER made a better reveal than the mystery itself. never ever. some things dont have to be revealed.

but yeah! thats that. i rly enjoyed glitching, i loved the response i got (it was by far the most popular story ive ever posted on here w the most tags and comments and asks), and i loved how i managed to do the finale. it was concise, i can say i finished another story, and its just all around a great time. thank u so much for ur message !!!

[demadogs]

(disclaimer i havent seen or read rwrb) heartstopper is a bit cringe but tbh i love it bc of that… i’ll never love wtvr nick n charlies ship name is the way i love byler but the show itself makes me so happy in a way st (usually) doesnt. maybe thats bc i havent been exposed to enough queer tv so i just love it wherever i see it but as a queer teen in a mega conservative us state it feels so hopeful/joyful esp compared to all the trauma will goes thru in st bc of his queerness (or wtvr various homophobic things happened in young royals i didnt watch the whole thing)

not that i dont love st (my blog is byler themed lol) but thats my unasked-for defense of cringe gay tv/movies. overall i just want MORE queer tv shows whether theyre cringe n saccharine or ultra serious n depressing :) would love to hear ur thoughts if u want to share or u can let this marinate in ur inbox or delete it w/o reading. peace and love !

and im so glad it brings other people joy!! when i say my own opinions that is not me saying the show/movie is objectively bad. i totally see the appeal of a happy gay show like heartstopper, i personally just prefer things that arent lighthearted and romcommy feeling. like my favorite genres are scifi, horror/thriller, and murder. i like deep and dark shit thats not always boiled down just to a ship.

and also i wanna make it clear that when i say “serious tone” that does NOT equate to depressing!!!!!!!! i am NOT saying i dont like happy endings. it just means i want it treated in more of a real way and not romcommy. i dont like the cutsey stuff like the doodles in heartstopper and how they filmed the phone calls in the first bit of rwrb (i know you havent seen it but just trust me). for me personally things like that just completely take me out of the movie like i just want to watch it authentically like it would have happened irl and thats how more dramatic and serious toned shows/movies are always shot.

i also tend to like my gay fiction to be within a much huger story. a good example of this is the show, the wilds. that show is about a severly fucked up social experiment involving 8 girls and a staged plane crash that leaves them stranded on an isolated island and two of the girls end up together. i LOVED how they wrote that. amazing show highly recommend. this is also one of the reasons i love byler. its a part of a much bigger story and its treated seriously while still being cute and beautiful. plus im 10000% sure itll have a happy ending so again, serious in tone does noooot mean depressing.

thanks for being respectful in this ask and not just trying to change my mind or act like im not allowing anybody else to enjoy what i dont enjoy. and i will say since you do love heartstopper, youd probably love rw&rb and i highly recommend it! and if you want a list of more queer fiction recs i can def give you that (but obviously mine will be less lighthearted than heartstopper).

[csaventing]

If im doing this wrong im sorry but i just wanted to ask something, and talk.

I was 7, 8, and 9 years old when i was being sexually abused by my neighbors, a married couple who had their own young kids. I dont know how frequently i was raped but i have a fair amount of memories, not everything tho. He trained me to be a toy. But because of that trauma i can only masturbate to loli stuff. I hate it so much. I feel disgusting and awful for wanting to be a tiny child again, for wanting to be fucked like that again, for wanting all the things that happened to me. For wanting to be a small loli child whos only purpose is to be raped day in and day out. But its the only content that i can get off to. I have other kinks and fetishes, but they dont work when im on my own. I hate that im half attracted to that fantasy. I hate so much that i want it. I hate so much that i want to relive my trauma, maybe id enjoy it. I just wish i wasnt disgusting i wish i didnt want that fantasy i wish it wasnt the only way for me to get sexual pleasure because i know its wrong i know its awful i know its horrible. I feel so awful i wish they didnt train me to find getting raped as a fucking 7 year old hot and sexy. I wish i didnt crave taboo and illegal things bc i want to feel dirty. I want to feel like im doing something wrong/illegal and i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i just wish i had normal sexual wants i know this isnt who i am i know i dont actually want any of it and i would never actually do any of those things i would rather die the most painful death you can imagine than do those things in real life but im so scared thats who i am. what if i want it. What if thats who i am i cant tell if these feelings are real or not im so scared of it i hate it i dont want to be a horrible person i dont want to be depraved and no better than my rapists i want to feel sexual pleasure and feel sexually fulfilled and happy without needing to feel dirty, doing something illegal or wanting to be a child. I just need to know that im not alone that im not a horrible person and these feelings will go away. Im sorry but i just need someone to tell me this isnt who i am and itll go away

The fact that you are scared for these thoughts and actions shows that this is not who you are. You are absolutely not alone with getting off to things like this and “wanting” it to happen again. I also do similiar things. I don’t know if it will go away, but for me coming to accept that this is a trauma response and I’m not alone in it has reduced a lot of the suffering.

[choccorin]

HIHIHI MIRO IM ALIVE AGAIN HIHIHIHIHIGIO KAMUSTA MGA KAYBIGAN 😋😋

i hope youre doing okay pookei ☹️☹️ i know how it feels to not have any close friends irl because im kinda going through that rn !! my old close friends arent really that close w me either and i cant tell them anything actually going on in my life rn, whether or not if its good or bad.

for your classmates i also kinda went through it too but it was more of a bullying scenario </3 it was like ermermerm 2 years ago?? a year ago?? I DONT KNWO BUT naging selos yung mga classmates ko kasi nakukuha ko lahat ng gusto ko. like sorry my parents give me what i want?? i dont force them to i just say i want smth and they give it AND IM AN ONLY CHILD AS WELL? i didnt even flex it to them or anything i genuinely just said “oh my parents got ____ for me!!” and suddenly everyone hated me?? long story short they had a whole groupchat ab hating me and stuff which led to me finding out yadafadda my dad told the principal it got sorted out eventually (it took like TWO MONTHS BC THEY WERENT TAKING US SERIOUSLY) and i just moved schools bc i was planning to way before the situation happened. but genuinely i get what youre going through and hope that your classmates stop w that, you didnt even do anything wrong ☹️ I ALSO FEEL LIKE MY SEATMATE RN IN ONE OF MY CLASSES IS GETTING SICK OF ME. I SWEAR SHE DOES BC SHE KEEPS LOOKING AT ME DIRTY LIKE WHAT DID I DOOOO but we are twinning its okay we will get through this together high five 🙌 HELP

its okay im sure that with christmas/winter break coming up (I THINK I MEAN I HOPE U HAVE A BREAK SOON) it will be okay!! being judged genuinely sucks and no one should go through it, especially you ☹️ if anything THEY should be judged bc they are suckie wuckies and fakie wakies !! ppl are just really mean these days and idk why </3 TRY TO IGNORE THEIR STARES AND KNOW YOURE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG itll end soon i promise

i hope youre feeling better and having a great day rn and know that everyone loves u here and if anything ill use my octopus powers to become the kraken and make all your classmates stop staring and judging you for literally no reason. ill make them sink into the ocean dw 😈🙏 ILYILYILY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF 🫶🫶

- 🐙

octo anon hi hi hiii !!! wojeuejeh same same !! the only time we talk is when they message me first :'3 they're also reallyyyy busy so the chances of them replying back is low </3

that's such a low reason to hate on someone .. they hate seeing other people be happy ! they were just jealous of you lol i'm glad it got sorted out though !! i hope your old school takes things like that seriously bcus it can lead to even more conflict if they don't ..

my seatmate doesn't give me mean stares or anything but she keeps turning away from me and everytime i talk to her she seems so uninterested :'3 we really are twins, octo anon 🥹

sa december twenty pa christmas break namin </3 just found that out today sigh, i think may year end party kami pero hindi na lang siguro ako a-attend bcus i'm not even close with my classmates and also, 80% sure ako na hindi ako mage-enjoy </3

i do feel a bit better now ! ( only when i don't see them ), i hope you're having a great day too bff <33 i'll borrow your octo powers when i need it >:] take care of yourself too and always be safe, love ya very much, octo anon !! 🫶🫶🐙🐙

[tinylittlebab]

annoying sister should hopefully be moving out in 2 weeks. itll be easier to starve after that. so SO much easier.

i really enjoyed eating like a normal person while i had a cold and i even manadged to just not think too much about calories after the first day but tomorrow will be worse i guess :/

well at least i got some popcorn today so ill probably be living off that salt and margarine for awhile :/ usually i just use salt but maybe a bit more flavor would be nice

well i guess i should eat my muffin today and panic tomorrow. ive also decided i think o can justify higher res bc i exercise so much everyday and burn a lot of calories and without much food i cant exercise so much (fasting is out of the question most days. id pass out) i actually highly enjoy exercising and according to my tdee stuff and the amounts i eat apparently i burn about 550 everyday from exercise bc without it my tdee would be that much lower so thats nice. i guess to maintain 97 pounds and eat 2000 a day i think you have to exercise a whole whole lot. well im not mad about it. i will be happy to weigh less though.

apparently my sister (not the annoying one) told roommate i relapsed and theyre both worried :/ well at least theyre thinking about me. i get scared they regret me moving in. i think ill feel better once i have a job but that wont be till june and im 18.

hhhhh. well ill know im doing well when they both start asking if i want something or just bringing me home stuff. i never really saw anybody when i restricted before and i hid my body so much so even ghough i did lose a lot of weight and looked like i was dying nobody ever really saw it

and i know they wont be able to tell how much im eating because they are both gone most days so ill really know i look thinner and sicker if they are more noticeably worried. kinda messed up but its been the dream for 6 years and i WILL achieve it. one day. i wanna look so sick and dying. ill probably be hospitalized afterwards but its worth it. maybe. well if im 18 by the time it happens then its worth it. if not then i might have to move in with my mom again which i really dont want.

hmmm. well. i really dont wanna be his bc i know id absolutely hate it but i also want it.

[pissedchicken]

also i just want to sleep but also im depressed and the only thing keeping me alive rn is the anime ive been binge watching

[lazybakerart]

ur tags about billy being buried in hawkins inspired a fun thought process that ill never write so ill just share it with you :)

billy moving to hawkins is determined to remain unattached; no friends, no relationships, no mentors, nothing that could possibly keep him stuck in hawkins

he still wants to at least try to enjoy his time here so he does what he has to to rise up the food chain, become top dog, be respected at parties and such but again, literally doesnt care about these people at all

everything in s2 happens per normal; billy gets knocked at after the fight and wakes up in a strange house alone and ya know what? investigates bc his sister was here with a bunch of boys that he doesnt know including someone way older than her and theres all these weird drawings so he digs around, finds not much until he gets a little thirsty and opens the freezer for some ice and bam

this slimey fucking alien dog thing flops out and billy scrambles back and lands on his ass, stunned, confused, and honestly? scared

he hightails it out of there, sees his car is fucking gone along with his keys and swears, kicks at a few posts and starts pacing, trying to figure out what the fuck to even do, he cant show up to the house without his car or max, doesnt even know where to begin looking for her on foot, doesnt know hawkins or the hangouts or anything and right as hes about to full on panic, like three cars pull up simultaneously and the whole gaggle of kids pop out of his car along with harrington who is covered in rainbow bandaids, the fucking chief of police is gently tugging another child from the passenger seat and starts carrying her inside, ignoring billy (and while billy didnt get a good look, he swears he saw her face covered in blood), and then wheeler and byers hop out of the last car along with another lady who is also carrying a child

and billys still woozy from whatever max pumped into his system but this is fucking...... bizarre

but honestly? billy doesnt care too much right now because neil is already going to wring his neck for how long this took

so he just gives max a look and ignores everyone else, even brushes off steve when steve tries to give him whatever excuse with a sharp "i dont care harrington"

once inside dustin starts bouncing off the walls about the demodog being out of the freezer and something about the loss of one of the worlds greatest discoveries and begs joyce to let him keep it in her freezer and steve does his best to facilitate the argument but all thats going through his mind is he knows

billy contemplates bringing up the weird alien thing with max, contemplates asking about what the hell was going on that night, but ultimately decides, he doesnt want to get involved, that sounds like getting attached and what is billy not going to do? get attached

but the summer rolls around and billy hits an animal then gets dragged into a warehouse and has a hallucination and gets face fucked by a tentacle and decides, okay fuck it, this has to be related to the weird alien dog and brings it up

so

hes in this now

he knows about the alternate dimension and the weird girl with the powers and the monsters and the overlord mind fucker

and he knows this mind fucker thing is maybe in him? they arent 100% sure but they want to test him, this whole gaggle of preteens are laying it out for him and are arguing about the best way to do it and billy wishes one of the many adults who know about this crap was involved

but they test him, and the quiet boy with the awful haircut tells him gently that itll be okay, and that is the only thing billy is holding onto

and it turns out hes possessed and he has these thoughts and urges and feelings that flash hot inside of him about the girl with the powers and about the other dimension

but he knows thats not him, this violent thing festering inside of him is that weird tentacle thing from the warehouse trying to control him, trying to make him do things and you know what?

billy has had enough with being told what to do

so he fights and smokes like a chimney to fend this thing off (bc the sauna just wasnt quite hot enough to burn it out, just hot enough for them to know hes possessed)

and these kids are, they believe him, max and the quiet kid are on his side and the girl with the weird powers keeps telling him shell kill it and while sinclair and little wheeler dont like him, they sure do keep an eye on him

and eventually everyone meets up, in the mall, theres a wild cacophony of exchanging individual clues to this fucking wild puzzle that hes somehow part of and now everyone knows everything and is on the same page and max and little byers are laying down everything they know about the mind flayer thats inside billy

its a lot

but once the tentacle monster (thats like 10 times bigger and billy shudders thinking about why its bigger, having caught flashes of what He was doing) crashes into the mall they all jump into their respective plans and fight

billy runs around the food court with harrington and turns on all the stoves and oven and food warmers while the kids are launching fireworks and billy feels everything

steve is gentle when he asks billy if hes okay when billy winces at the heat

tells him hes doing a good job holding off this beast, how hes strong

and they see the mind flayer snagging el, dragging her closer and billy feels His hatred pour into himself and just watches for a moment and just sees a little kid and he runs

runs and pulls out his lighter and flicks it on and waves his hand through the flame which stings a little but gets the flayer to let her go

and hes shouting something, anything to get its attention and backs himself into one of the kitchens and watches that thing start to writhe and feels the writhing in his gut but doesnt stop

and the flayer starts grabbing at him, tries to drag him out of the hot kitchen, tries to pull him out into the open and digs its disgusting claws into his sides and hips and thighs

and the kids are yelling and throwing the last of their fireworks and el is screaming and trying to rip Him apart and steve and robin and nancy and jonathan are finding anything hot anything even remotely warm

when it all stops

the mind flayer lets billy go and sorta spasms a little bit before slumping over and billy falls to his knees and heaves, heaves out black goo and bile and hes sweating like crazy and he flops over onto the cool tile, narrowly avoiding the puddle he just made

he can vaguely hear the walkie talkies blaring off about updates and keys and portals and whos safe

and he hears everyone yelling and asking where everyone is and whos hurt

and he hears his name a few times and hes bleeding bad and hus throat hurts and hes hot and hes hungry

and its robin who finds him, shouts out to everyone else to get bandages or towels and she sits with him, tries to get him to talk and hes so tired

his doesnt remember much else from that night, remembers the blare of sirens, the pain flaring up when he was moved onto a stretcher, remembers max crying and yelling at paramedics to be let onto the ambulance with him, shes his sister

he wakes up in a hospital groaning in pain and hears a soft "oh fuck" and sees steve

he grins sheepishly and presses the call nurse button and explains everything and also explains that max literally stepped out to get a snack like a minute ago shell be here in a second

so now billys a part of it

a part of the biggest secret in the world

and when these mysterious deaths start up again and max is telling him about wills updates about el getting arrested he knows

he did a really sucky job not getting attached to anyone in hawkins

this got kinda long but yeah lol

AMAZING. YES. YESSS.

[chaoxfix]

what do you imagine as the future for the series :0 (ie, where do you see sonic and the gang in ten or so years, in universe?)

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!!

fr ty for the ask! this took a while to write but im actually pretty happy with the end results for these guys.

sonic:

still adventuring, still being a hero. i think he actively distances himself from large groups of people because he would hate being overly famous, and would instead really enjoy the allure of always finding new people and places to explore, and if everyone already knows him then it kind of loses the appeal.

i think any trauma he's been through kinda hits hard at 19 and he starts to struggle a little bit with the whole child/teen hero thing. i think when he turns like 21 he takes a "sabbatical" which is actually him getting semi-willingly sucked into another dimension and staying for a bit longer than he strictly needs to. this lasts for a few years and when he comes back he feels more like his old self, zest for life, etc, because everything is new and exciting again. he'd continue ramping up threat levels and the desire for new and exciting adventures, and would be down for idk, space exploration, saving other dimensions, etc.

something will eventually be too much for him, and im sure he'll never go gray, but i like the idea of sonic just living a long, jam-packed, exciting life. he loves his friends and will always come back home eventually, but he needs enrichment, ok, and his standards for enrichment are extremely high.

10 years later, or, by 25, i think he'll more or less have his shit together but in the most sonic way possible. he'd be a traveling mentor, or a hero-for-hire (not that he really gets paid per say), and is a mythic figure across the galaxy.

he may or may not discover romance but i dont think anything would stick, so he's in like 5 open relationships across like 3 dimensions -- if he's not aroace, which is an equally valid outcome.

appearance-wise, he would have an updated design that somehow feels fight as a linear progression from classic to modern to future, but i havent quite figured it out yet. probably a darker blue, maybe lighter eyes or a different color than before (yellower or something).

tails:

tails runs a successful business as miles prower. he's the literal stereotype of 'they want 10 years of experience by the time ur 18' ... hes the reason entry level jobs are disappearing /jk

i think he grows up to be a bit of an oddball because hes very unlike other tech moguls (because he has a heart and morals etc.......). i think he's always going to have a spirit of adventure in him, being basically raised by sonic and all. i think he'll probably feel very bored if he doesnt go on adventures and fight bad guys on his own/with team sonic.

i feel like tails will also grow into having his own nemeses, people that really dont mess with sonic but DO mess with tails (and sonic encourages it low key because he thinks its important for everyone to have a rival<3)

i feel like tails doesnt really focus on romance as an older teen. maybe someday itll happen, and i dont actually hc him as aroace as an adult, just as someone who doesnt really feel the need to start dating yet since, well, he's only 18 in 10 years anyway, thats still super young. but i feel like it'd have to be orchestrated by his friends, as tails honestly has better things to do.

i think hes also the most likely of everyone, despite being the youngest, to adopt a random child. hes already had pets before in some canons (t-pup!) and was raised by a super young older brother. if he sees a kid in need he'd probably take them under his wing.

i love tsaiko's tails appearance-wise, bc its super visually interesting! id also be down for a tails that grows into like, a slightly different color than he is now, since in some universes we already saw that he was a darker orange as a kit and now he's bright yellow, maybe he'll change to a redder color or a lighter yellow, or brighter orange. idk! i think he'd definitely start wearing goggles though, and keeping like a toolbelt type thing around his waist and shoulder strap. he likes to be prepared ok.

amy:

i think amy has her shit together as much as she can in 10 years. i think she'd be the most likely to go to school/university/etc of anyone on this list. i think she'd have like. a bunch of different things shes doing at once, and have that be a bit, that shes always doing some new thing. 'wheres amy?' 'at dance rehearsal.' 'wheres amy?' 'teaching her cooking class.' 'wheres amy?' 'fighting in a WWE tournament' etc. she just does it all. but in addition to all of that, i think the reason that she spends so much of her time learning new things is so that she can be helpful on missions, and always know that extra bit of trivia that might save someones life. she studies medicine a lot for that reason too. she continues to be the heart and moral compass of the team, and can still talk would-be antiheroes and villains down from evil. i think she takes a lot of counseling classes to basically weaponize this skill tbh.

she'd have an apartment in multiple major cities and also moves around a lot. she has a lot of tea parties. i think she still sees vanilla and cream regularly, on top of still being on team sonic as often as possible. she sometimes sees big the cat as well, who i think might also eventually attend university with her (environmental biologist big...)

i like the idea of her having a pretty mysterious love-life, too, but that counters with the idea of her just really adoring her partner, who is truly, just some person in this universe.

appearance-wise i think she's wearing her quills longer again, and wears a red romper and uses boxing gloves in addition to her hammer.

knuckles:

still on angel island for the most part. but i think tails would figure out teleportation and give knuckles a teleporter pad so he can come and go easier. maybe even a way to shrink the ME and carry it with him in case of emergencies (though thatd hilariously sink angel island, so... has to be a pretty damn big emergency)

unfortunately, the ME is supposed to be the most important to him, but knuckles lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship (rouge)

no but fr theyre actually really cute together and have a shockingly healthy relationship even if its in no way normal. sometimes they fight on opposing sides, and knuckles always tries to have someone else swap with him so he doesnt have to fight his wife lol. for clarification, she's his wife, he's her boyfriend.

appearancewise i think he's more or less the same at 26. he sometimes wears a cowboy hat and brown leather jacket.

rouge:

i think rouge would continue to be a thief and treasure hunter most of all. shes now 28 and works the occasional odd job with GUN, but GUN likes her far more than she likes them. they keep trying to get her to become like super high-ranked in GUN, despite everyone simultaneously knowing this would be a terrible idea. she's not even tempted and continues letting them fail and cackling when she hears about botched operations that they execute without her.

she dates knuckles off and on. mostly on, though she'll complain to shadow any time they're fighting and pretends it's a bigger argument than it actually was.

she also still runs club rouge and is a very successful businesswoman.

i think she also relatively looks the same, maybe a design that doesn't have so many cutesy hearts on it. i feel like she'd wear more like her SA1 design, or an updated one that's more like a snazzy purple and black jumpsuit, with intersecting lines that look a bit like the fractal cuts of a gem.

eggman:

older but still young enough to fight. i think he has a health scare at some point and it scares sonic into paying him a hospital visit and telling him to take better care of himself or else, old man. eggman repays his flowers with an even bigger more exciting robot than usual to smash.

shadow:

still looking for that DAMN fourth chaos emerald. fr though hes probably working at GUN off and on. sometimes sucked into adventures. he does his own thing and tends to remain a cool loner more or less. by then he'll probably have figured out how to continue existing without being a douchebag (like current mandates have steered him into being). i think he more or less stops aging at 25, which is when the frontal lobe is more or less cooked, so he'll look this old forever after this.

he lives at club rouge with rouge. he spends a lot of his time complaining about how often knuckles comes over.

[whumpshaped]

are you religious? On account of all the recent bible posting. I'm not Christian myself but I have to hand it to them, the whole "eating Jesus's body and drinking his blood" is really cool

im actually not! well. idk. reading the bible and talking abt it rly makes me wanna be christian again.

tl;dr i am considering accepting jesus christ into my heart but i dont know if itll happen bc whenever i type or say anything slightly religious i cringe or make it into a joke. also sorry to any christian who finds my bible posting

i was raised catholic, went to church and bible study for 3 yrs, did my first communion, then dipped bc it was horrid. i was so so against being catholic u cannot imagine. i was against church, i was against begging some man in the sky for mercy, i was against their gay policy, i was against saying my pets had no soul- i was against absolutely everything except some bops in church

then i had my first big voluntary christian phase at 13-14 in which i drew more towards protestantism and attempted to read the bible cover to cover (i failed but theres a lot that i read.) i went to a lutheran hs for 2 yrs in seventh and eighth grade so that mightve influenced it tho i HATED monday morning worship at 7am and i cant believe its still happening even tho ppl routinely fainted and shit. bc u have to stand. the whole time

i also wanted to be a nun for a goooood while but turns out im just aroace and autistic (chastity and rigid rules sounds amazing to me huh)

so im 21 now and i started writing my angel demon story and i wanted to make heaven a cult like dystopia (and it turned into my own ranting at some points) and i wanted to give cassael actual bible-accurate problems. bible-accurate brainwashing lol it came to me because something i said abt them either on here or in rp made me remember that verse abt the yoke and stuff (my yoke is easy and my burden is light) and i was like wait i should read the bible and pick out the whumpiest worst most horrid most easy to misinterpret and turn horrible verses. so here i am.

but then i got rly rly into it. its remarkably easy to enjoy the story when im not reading the 1908 károli translation and spending all my spoons untangling the wording. and the thing is, i was always spiritual yknow. thats why i bounced so much between faiths and beliefs. ive followed the law of assumption stuff for a year or so now, i had genuine results from it- honestly everything i believed in has yielded good results for me always. whether it be christianity or paganism or loa. when i read the bible i DO feel loved even thru the incredible amount of horrid shit god does lol i felt loved at 13 and i feel loved now. so idk. im withholding judgement until i finish reading it but honestly nobody be surprised if i go back to my christian bs before the semester starts

oh thats another thing. im miserable lmao so not very hard for god to swoop in and be like hey do u wanna talk abt ur lord and saviour. me.

but im not rly gonna change in any way even if i do decide that tho, i think. my policy is already "be kind do good leave others alone". i dont think im gonna get preachy on here or anything. i mean has anyone seen much vegan posting from me? so i think im good

so . yea. sorry it turned into such a long post

[blxetsi]

modern sasha braus dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!sasha braus x gn!reader

had to write something for my queen 😌✨

- she shares her food with you. I Dont Care She Does

- also since this is a modern au i dont think she would have such an obsession with food as she does in the canonverse (if we can even call it an obsession) i still think she would have a big appetite (and she'd be proud of it tf 😏🙏) but i just dont see her always being hungry as the fandom makes her out to be

- really likes to hold hands with you

- i think itd be really cute if she was studying to become a baker ?? maybe taking a culinary course at the university you two attend ?? maybe you somehow met there or through a friend

- i think she'd still be insecure about her accent (ig if this is au is set in america she'd be from the south 😐🤚) and would speak kind of like a robot to people she didn't know that well

- connie and jean ALWAYS bring out her accent tho,, like with them she can really be herself

- i think when you were starting to get to know her she would be speaking very formally, and youd take it like shes being kinda stand offish or like,, just doesnt wanna talk so youre thinking "okay maybe she doesnt wanna be friends 😁👍" and would back off

- now sasha's upset because you are so cool and unique and she just wants to know so much about you but youve been very distant lately ?? like did she do something wrong ??

- she tells connie, jean, marco, and niccolo one night and connie and jean are on the side of "find y/n and demand to know why their behavior has changed" while marco and niccolo are on the side of "respectfully dm y/n and ask why they havent been wanting to see sasha recently"

- sasha goes with the latter of the two and dms you after passing you in the dining hall, you two literally keep glancing at each other, texting while you sit with your respective friend groups

- after everything gets cleared up sasha is immediately inviting you to hang out with her crew, and even getting some of her other friends like eren, mikasa, and ymir and historia to come join too

- if she has all the people shes comfortable with there, itll be less scary talking with her accent !

- You Love It. You Think Its Adorable.

- you guys would definitely have a friends to lovers type relationship

- like friendly hugs turn into slightly longer hugs, and now sasha will constantly ask to sit next to you during movie nights

- loves to rest her head on your lap while she spreads across the couch

- i think you two would have your first kiss in niccolos apartment

- you two were sitting in his kitchen, with sasha munching on the leftover food he made that night for your get together

- his mom had called him so he decided to leave to go to his bedroom to answer it

- and slowly you guys just kind of,,,, leaned in 🙈✨

- it was slow and really romantic, kinda rough with the crumbs that were around sasha's lips but you didn't mind

- niccolo barged in and ruined the moment 😐🤚 good going pal 😁👍

- you two were so shocked that you two tried to leave

- ended up just walking down the road in silence like wtf i thought yall were trying to get away from each other 😭😭😭😭

- sasha ended up staying the night 🤩‼️

- NOT in a sexual way

- but in like a,,,, rue and jules kinda way where jules comes in through the window (but only sasha didnt come in through the window she came in the front door with you) and you two held each other and gave each other smooches for the rest of the night

- sasha woke up late and missed her morning classes 😐🤚 didnt even care and went back to sleep with you

- i think for the most part you get along well with her friend group

- youre definitely closer to connie, jean, niccolo, marco, and historia

- ymir teases you guys a lot and you cant tell if what she says is just jokes (it always is) or if shes completely serious

- eren, mikasa, armin, annie, along with reiner and bertholdt are more of aquantances to you, just because you dont see them as often as you do the others

- she has such a weird relationship with her english professor

- will literally complain how much work he gives his class and then the next day will gush about how great he his bc he gave her a granola bar for her effort in her assignment

- girl pick a script and stick to it 😐🤚

- has a collection of stuffies on her bed. i dont make the rules.

- anytime theres a carnival in town she drags EVERYONE there.

- you all agree to split up into groups so you can all check out what you want, but you always agree to meet up and eat funnel cake together 🥺

- sasha tries to get you to win her new stuffies

- if you cant do it, or just want some for yourself, shes calling connie and niccolo up PLEADING with them to come find you guys,

- then she claims theres been an ACCIDENT and that you two need help

- niccolo is zooming bc he cares abt his besties 😌✨

- connie texts jean and marco to come find you guys too 😭😭😭

- who gets a kick and a lecture for lying courtesy of niccolo ? sasha. but who also gets a bunch of stuffies won for her courtesy of niccolo ? sasha.

- for your anniversary i think she'd want to do something really fun with you

- she'd set up a pillow fort and have a bunch ot string lights and stuff, have all of her favourite stuffies (which are the ones she thinks of you when she sees) in there too.

- she has chips, she baked little pastries and cookies, and she ordered your favourite takeout

- you guys just watch whatever you want on netflix or whatever and its such a nice night

- it becomes a tradition for you guys, but you two always take turns with setup

- one year sasha did all of the planning, baking and whatnot ? okay now its your turn 😁👍

- you guys even started doing themes now 🤩

- if you guys play board games with your friends youre on sasha's side whether you want to be or not.

- shes also the kind of person that says "i can win fair and square !" but then when bertholdt starts kicking her ass in monopoly her script changes real quick 🙄

- now its "y/n,,, give me some of ur money" and "y/n, buy this property for me" like girl,,,, what happened to playing fair 😍⁉️

- will try and do all of those s/o pranks you see on tiktok

- its hard to get a genuine reaction out of you bc you can TELL SHES RECORDING but she tries anyways

- we love a perservering queen 😌✨

- will call you at random times of the day asking if you guys can see each other

- "y/n ??? are you there ??" "sasha its 2am wtf do you want 😐" "do you wanna ride your bike with me down to the park 🥺"

- also is very observant, knows when youre overworking yourself

- will try and pull you away from what youre working on like "lets go get you something to drink, or maybe we can watch an episode of that show you like before you continue working !"

- if youre persistent that you just HAVE to finish it tonight and cant stop and take a break she'll respect that, until you stay at your laptop for over an hour 😐

- just softly pulls you away like "no lovebug, lets get some sleep okay ?"

- is also very protective of you

- overheard someone making fun of you ?? talking shit ??? her besties better hold her back before she gets suspended 😤‼️

- and since connie and jean absolutely ADORE you, you better believe theyre helping their girl sasha out

- those three are the LEADERS of the "protect y/n club"

- it just becomes niccolo and marco trying to dissolve the situation before it gets physical, and then reiner and armin joining when they walk directly into the chaos

- armin tells you what happened and as much as youre thankful that sasha cares about you so much that she'd defend you like that, you lecture her, jean and connie on not making scenes like that again

- sasha's love language is kind of like,, a mixture of quality time and physical touch

- she just really loves spending time with you, but also very much enjoys being in your arms

- she doesnt shy away from it, and is usually the one to initiate those things

- will hold your hand PROUDLY down hallways or on streets

- always hypes you up too, shes very much so your personal hypeman

- "oh lovebug you look SO GOOD rn oh my god" "sasha pls im in my pyjamas" "and you look like a model baby !"

- sasha is very stubborn however, and if you guys ever fight she is NEVER the one to apologize first, or seek you out to talk about it

- even if shes in the wrong she cant bring herself to admit it, she dug herself into such a deep hole with the stance she took that she doesnt want to take the walk of shame in admitting that she wasnt right

- this can cause a lot of problems in your relationship, but after you explain how much it affects you, shes trying to change

- will always work on her stubborn-ness and pride

- and it actually makes her feel a lot better being able to admit defeat, or being wrong

- she really likes being communicative and honest, especially with you

- i think overall your relationship with sasha is very very fun, filled with good memories, good food, good friends, and most importantly, love.

no bc i really do love her 😐🤚 lemme marry miss braus rq 😏✨

hope u guys enjoyed !! remember requests are open so if you have anything youd like me to write DONT BE SHY ❤️‼️

[anakinthetrashking]

BnHA One-Shot Fic Recs (pt1)

Making some fic-rec posts has been on my to-do list for a while and I’m finally doing it, yay! Currently I have 6 word doc pages full of just BnHA recs. So I’m splitting them up by length and completion, so first up is (part one of) one-shots! Let’s go!!!

Lets start with some classic Izuku and DadMight!

Pictures, Posters and Tender Beauty by ProPinkist (tumblr: @dazais-guardian-angel ) Rating: G    Category: Gen   ~4,400 words Summary: Izuku has virtually every All Might-themed item out there, and prides himself on all of it, as Toshinori is well aware. However, somehow, the boy still decided that there was something vital missing. This is fluffy and very cute. No one truly appreciates All Might as much as Izuku does, but 1A comes close. All Might deserves all the love, and this fic truly provides!!!

Dear Mr. All Might by QuizzicalCrow (tumblr: @quizzicalcrow​ ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~5,000 words Summary: As the #1 hero for decades, All Might has collected a lot of fan mail over the years. Toshinori tracks down a series of letters that only now, years later, does he appreciate for their significance.  I always love the thought of All Might looking through his fan mail, even if he can’t get to all of it. This was a wonderful glimpse into that AND it was made to be so, so personal and sweet. Go have some heart-healing fluff.

Growing Pains by LordofLies (tumblr: @theangelofchildren ) Rating: G   Category: Gen    ~5,900 words Summary: Izuku finds himself changed by his encounter with the Hero Killer, but changes of a more physical kind are in store for him as he begins to truly accept One for All as his own. Once, he would have been thrilled to look more like All Might, but now those connections are as much a source of anxiety as they are of pride.Or, Izuku wakes up one morning and sees the world through different eyes. Izuku having anxiety and Toshi being there to help him through it and calm him down? Sign me UP. Its also a pretty cool take on how One for All is able to change things about it’s holder. Could this happen in cannon? Who knows.... Regardless, it was a great read!

I’ll Carry You Home by Renesvetta Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~2,700 words Summary: While training with All Might, it wasn’t uncommon for Izuku to be so exhausted at the end of the day that he unwittingly fell asleep without regard for where he was. It consequently became part of All Might’s routine to help his young protégé home. During that time, Izuku may have let loose more than one sleepy confession towards his mentor.  Yes, it is as adorable as it sounds. Its tagged with “self indulgent Dad Might fluff” which is both accurate and appreciated. In other words: Superb you funky little writer!

Simple Gifts by QuizzicalCrow Rating: G    Category: Gen   ~6,700 words Summary: One year ago, Izuku received the greatest gift he could ever imagine. Now he’s determined to return the favor for the one responsible for it all with a gift of his own.  First off, I love the idea of Izuku and Toshi quietly celebrating the anniversary of passing on OfA from All Might to Izuku. Even just taking the day to hang out with each other. It’s a really precious idea. But there’s not just fluff! Izuku finds himself in a fight, again. (cool villain quirk, too!) I love all of the small details that are in this fic (and in Crow’s other works, too!) anyway its exciting AND very heartwarming, so go read it!!!

Affectionate by Sevi007 (tumblr: @sevi007 ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~2,600 words Summary: Toshinori starts to show affection very easily around his students. The  reactions he gets for that are not quite the ones he had anticipated - well, not all of them, at least.  Toshi is LOVED, APPRECIATED, and 1A feels like HOME. how many times can i say “cute” and “heartwarming” on this post?? bc these are some amazing writers, whom I adore, and their writing makes my heart WARM. AND. FUZZY. i mean, even just the first few paragraphs of this one just, really sets the scene of what i like to believe the 1A dorm is (on a good day, lol). its a really nice read, so go treat yo’ self by reading it.

paint me in trust by dinomight Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~6,400 words Summary: The first mark Izuku gets is a slight brush of green across his temple. It’s the soft touch of a mother holding her son for the first time. Inko has one to match, the same shade of green staining the tips of her fingers. Hers is more noticeable; Izuku’s tends to blend into his hairline. He loves it anyways. He has to. It’s the only soulmate mark he has. (Or: how Izuku goes from just green to a rainbow, UA-style.)  Ok, so this fic sort of plays off the idea of soulmates, and does not fit in with soulmates in the usual form of the trope. First off its completely platonic. Its categorized as Gen and sticks to that. Also it doesn’t seem to be as obligatory and permanent as you would think it would be. It seems to be more of the universe telling you who has the possibility of being important in your life. I really really loved this, it was so adorable and gives you that sweet, sweet Izuku angst, before healing your heart with the power of friendship and found family!!!

The Die Has Been Cast by ChiwiTheKiwi (tumblr: @chiwithekiwi​ ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~5,400 words Summary: “There’s something about that kid you aren’t telling me, isn’t there?”When no answer meets him, Shouta tries again.“You know something about Midoriya’s quirk that you haven’t shared with me. Is that right?”(Or: A canon "What If" surrounding the latest manga events and focusing on Aizawa finally making a connection.) First off, this fic has spoilers for the manga, so dont read unless you’re past chp212! I loooooooove OfA reveal fics, especially when it’s Aizawa that finds out. He deserves to know!!! its kind of important!!!! This fic chooses a great moment to work off of, and does a great job with Aizawa’s character. I really enjoyed it and couldn’t keep myself from going back and reading it just now LOL

These last two are actually two-shots, but it makes it an even 10! also Izuku and dadmight, so we can continue the theme here...

Some Unspoken Thing by LittleKy Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~7,900 words (2chps) Green, Toshinori has always thought, is the color of life anew.(Or: It's time for Yagi Toshinori to finally accept that he has a son, now, in all but blood. It's time for Midoriya Hisashi to accept that as well.) YES ALL MIGHT! ADMIT THAT IZUKU IS YOUR SON! great portrayal of the characters and really hits the nail on the head for DadMight. and Izuku in this story is just the smallest green floof that you wish to give a hug. NEVER MIND ALL MIGHT, YOU TOOK TOO LONG SO IZUKU IS MY SON NOW AND IM NOT GIVING HIM BACK ( no but seriously i want to hug this fic its so cute TTuTT )

LAST BUT NOT LEAST! I See You by BirdAntlers (tumblr: @aarymk )

Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~15,400 words (2chps) Midoriya Izuku is a quirkless child, blind from birth. Yagi Toshinori is the most powerful man in the world, loved by millions. They could not be more different, and yet their loneliness is the same.   (From a pair of AU posts on Tumblr that got way out of hand; I wanted to put it here because it turned into more of a fic than a "what-if." Basically a vessel for me to vomit as much Dadmight as I can.) Hey, you! Yeah! You! Do you want to cry? Do you want to start sobbing in a public space?? Do you just want to be destroyed with words and be left there kneeling at the feet of a writer who has torn out your heart and stomped on it before they gently wipe the tears from your face? Yeah?? y oU Wan NA D IE??? READ THIS AND GET REKT.  you’ll thank me later

(under the cut is just me rambling, i kept all the important stuff up here, ur welcome)

Now that the actual recs are over I can rant here- look i really tried to slim my recs down, but i have almost 300 bnha fics bookmarked,some of them are “to read” or theyre in progress, etc but i managed to get this list sorta slimmed down? a little?(to only 58!!!) but as i was gathering this post together it felt like i dont have very many Dadmight recs on that list??? but i havent rechecked all the other fics i was just going through the oneshots. i... kinda read a lot more fics with AIzawa in it instead. it be that way. DadMight content is SO GOOD. but my fav is aizawa im sorryyyyy anyway i have another SEVENteeN oneshots to put in rec posts and that does NOT include the mulitchapter and friikin series and stuff... and like i said this is aaaaaaallllllllllllllll BnHA. batfam fic posts will come after, and then star wars, and then maybe star trek? we’ll see. i have a very specific taste in ST fics and that is Tarsus IV whump. which. i have not read in a while. when they say “that trope came from ST” for sooooooo many tropes, you WISH other fandoms had tarsus as a trope, holy crap it is TOP TIER angst fodder. if you love to write/read whump, angst, and h/c i would HIGHLY recommend that you take a bit of time and explore the content and stories there. heck maybe i will make a ficrec post for just tarsus angst. ok.

my INTENTION is to edit these posts later with little links to the other fic rec lists so that itll be easier to find. but., its me, so itll either happen in painful detail or not at all

asdjkdgh its 2:30am and i need to sleep and not be rambling incoherently again I WILL SAVE THIS AS A DRAFT. 

[snow-wind-and-all-we-will-find]

Hi! My names arthur and im working on improving my word and building my story, which currently has no name haha! I have a myriad of characters who ill try to list out and give brief descriptions of, aether is technically my main character and some of the characters who are up for question are dead in canon. But you can still ask them stuff, itll just be set before death.

When asking characters questions, rememeber to include the name, their age if theres diffrent ages, i dont mind repeated questions, but if you see the question try not to ask it again lol. If you cant find it with a quick scroll just ask it, although i dont know if this blog will even get that big.

Aether

He comes in three evolutions lol, technically, theres four but idk if i would count 7 year old aether.

Ages: 13 yo - colder, hasnt gotten used to emotions, there are two to this as well, pre-rev and then post-rev 13 yo aether, remember to specify lol.

16 yo- a bit more out there, still kinda disconnected and figuring things out, a bit more defensive

22 yo- lax, hes sorta figured shit out, hes not going to go grazy, hes just gonna be chill lol.

!The gaggle Ghosts!

Yurei

Her personality is very, ehhh, becuase i havnt done work with her, and i havnt completly figured out who she is fully yet, shes 18 yo when aether is 22 yo

18 yo- pretty oblivious, somehow still a bit cynical, very nice and sometimes motherly

Kakoku

Few thousand- mean, likes to bully yurei as he huants her, lowkey a simp for yurei but he wont admit that. Kinda cynical and likes to bring others down, generally a bully

Tamashi

19- emotionless, has to be a really strong emotion to make her emote, tends to stray away from other people, likes to be alone, blunt

Gunnar

A few thousand- sweet, warm and welcoming, tries to be very fatherly and a trusted figure, is very busy most of the tiime unfortunatly though.

!The greek gang!

Argus agapov

16- unstable, pretty baby, protective over friends and family

Mythos agapov

23- whore. He also loves his family, lowkey, hes a trad wife

Perceus

15/16- timid, intrested in posiosn and acids, generally quiet, likes to eat leaves, scaredy cat

Diogenes

14- germ of phobe, kind of a brat, more just a bitch, will yell at you if he sees your hands were dirty from gardening or something while you’re walking to the sink, other than that hes fine, picky eater

Herodotus

15- disorginized, trys his best, likes to write stuff down, helps plato with his writing and grammar in general, gullible, likes record data, has a nice typewriter with tha good clicky clack

Plato

8- sweet baby boi, loves his older brother (socrates), idolizes him even, not a good idea though. He writes down everything socrates does, sometimes he imitates his brother as well.

Socrates

17- dumb of ass, also just dumb, held back a grade, feral child, bites alot of people, soft aestechic but hed stab as a warning

Heracles

30- also dumb of ass, loves cars in that ‘mah babeh’ kinda way. Hates motorcycles, he thinks they’re ugly. Chaotic but he utilizes it to be the weird and cool uncle/cousin thing

Zeus

46- too tired for this shit, is a dad, went out to get milk, jk jk, dissapeared for a hot few years, probably got captured by some gang dunno, it happens. Very serious, would make the dumbest jokes with his brothers with a straight face

Hades

50- lowkey the neglected middle child, soft goth lookin ass, loves his kid, tries his best to raise his kid, sometimes gets help from esme

Poseidon

57- proud stay at home dad, buff but does the typically wifely duties, makes sure his children get enough love, nutrience and care

Lillith

54- very active, the money maker, kinda soft, both her and her husband poseidon are so just in love with their kids, dote on them constantly, very extroverted, always makes time for her kids

Esme

51- tired of zeus’ shit, does her best to make sure no one dies, still treats mythos as her ‘little baby boy, tired mom vibes.

!the Eden gang!

Eden is a fictional country that i slapped onto the globe. It is where aether is from, technically aether is apart of the eden gang as well. Everyone here, if they have an age option, the first age option is the age they are when aether is 13, and the second will be when aether is 16 unless stated otherwise

General kyelli

49- fatherly, thinks of most of the gang as his children, calls everyone ‘son’, as a general rule. If you ask for another nickname, he will do his best. Has a bad knee, and is kinda of bad at existing physically

52+- fatherly still, loves almonds, always has a bag of almonds, dont test him. Enjoys travel, might adopt people he meets along the way, still has pains but now he sees doctors, wants to stay active

Indigo

13- sweet, optimistic, always looks on the brightside and tries to see the good in others. Little heater, understands that sometimes fighting is the only option

Akrano

16- lively, very loose and relax, can get serious when needed though, always making jokes and trying to lighten up the mood

19- a bit more, mellow. Still quite lively and childish, but with two signifigant-others you have to settle down sometimes

Ekrano

16- lively, more stern than akrano and kinda worried, but ultimatly also very loose and bright

Lilliana

16- serious, seemingly colder towards everyone, gets along great with psycho-lops, makes him new eye-patches to pass time, actually just very monotone and blank most of the time, although she does care

19- she doesnt change much, she got a bit more expressive, likes babysitting howl

Psycho-lops

16 1/2- always looks determined, actually kinda scared of conflict, likes to help out with healing though, very proficient in it as well, sounds intimidating while talking about how cute puppies and kittens are

19/20- still the same, is considering studying medicine and medical practices to become a doctor.

Bark

17- bright, incredibly lively, loves to joke around and tease and sometimes bully the others, targets aether primarily, hangs out with his brother most of the time, he can fight for himself but he likes the backup, especcially since he is kinda glass-jawed, being that hes a twig

Bite

17- quiet, intense eyes, always sounds vaugly confused when he speaks, deep voice lol, likes to train, doesnt understand barks need to tease others, likes to read to the children

20- quiet, intense eyes still, more so nervous sounding, slightly paranoid, cluastrophobic and cant stand dusty places, usually in his house or at the docks, doesnt really go anywhere else

Hanelle

17- loud, headstrong, adamant about her opinions, gets along well with bark, she tries alot to be intimidating, not a twig, but not very big, pretty friendly and sociable

!the band of pirates!

Aklea

A few hundreds of years- kinda bored seeming, loves blood, technically cannibal, but not really since he isnt human, to an extent. Despite being fine on the ocean, he gets very car sick very easily. Actually quite nice, very easily triggerd into violence, especcially by something that could be used as a good murder weapon, blood makes him jittery and more lively

Nerone

21- calm, too calm, deals with akleas bullshit wonerfully, he just stands there, blank smile on his face as aklea beats the shit outta someone, unintrested in most anything, likes to draw, but hes a much better pastry chef.

!the shakespears!

Midem(pink boi)

33- lively, loves to work with kids, very creative, likes to make things, mainly art, mainly carvings. Often make little minitures of scenes from midens writing, loves his twin, does anything it takes to fund midens intrests. Very loving to those hes close to

Miden

33- calmer by alot lmao, pretty introverted but he can hold a long conversation without becoming too drained, enjoys writing and making stories, also makes plays for fun, runs off little sleep cuase he stays up so late to write, and gets up early to write.

!gods!

Gideon

9 billion- confused boomer, loves his ‘children’, hates to be hated, always tries to help in anyway he can, despite making them, always curious into what mortals are doing, loves the universe he created and does anything he can to protect it

Merik

7 million- sore loser, does get a little salty, ultimatly bounces back and becomes a very good sport, always will adopt tactics, whatever it takes to win within the rules, keeps most all of his trophies from random feats hes done

Ventus

5 billion - calm, straightforward, tends to disregard others and do things himself, likes to sit on cliffs and watch the ocean

Kyle

Hes been around since 776 bc- very loud, lively, bright, tries his best to educate people on proper form, workout regime i intesne, doesnt allow others to take it, makes custom workout regimes for free, owns a gym, dude bro but hes nice, baby

Horo-sha

Her age technicaly is not accurate, shes like, 2 billion? Since dima was made right after her death. But since her history still lives, ima count it

5 billion but older than ventus- bitter, violent, former god of justice, fucking dead haha, hates mortals, primarily humans

Dima

Also not super accurate, hed only be a few centuries of being an active god before being sealed, but since hes technically, concious and has cognitive function hes counted

3 billion- mean lol, likes blood and gets even more violent when it starts getting messy, ‘new’ god of justice, uh, pretty bad at it like the last one, but worse, will kill over slight misdeameanors, everythings a crime smh

!misc!

Ivan

24- softspoken, from imperial russia, died young, he no longer feels his face is his own, has a mask that he likes better, has the sickness, but since he was human it killed him, can control it post mortem, is strong enough to be seen, but weak enough he can go invisible and go through solid objects.

More ocs will be added when i remember them, or create new ones, characters i dont really have built at all are not included

[madeintimeland]

im oversharing this got long sorry. just reminscing on shit ive thought about a million times over again

theres so much art i want to create and so little motivation. i should start smoking weed again bc every time im high i get my best ideas or at least like, it takes away the layer of film over my brain that stops me from being able to come up with creative ideas, but also im scared its going to send me into mental hell again. like i need to be in a perfect state for it lest i fear im going to invoke my months long existential crisis again and i Cannot be doing that shit rn. but also i wonder if its going to be worth it anyways if i can create something to leave on this earth again. like ive been so bad at creativity lately like i want to draw and produce things and im bubbling over with energy and i feel the ideas fermenting in the deep recesses of my brain like theyre nestled into the grooves and folds but i cant access them yet. and i know i can if im stoned. i might turn into a hermit hunched over my tablet all hours of the day just making shit tbh. i absorb so much of the things around me and i know if i try to make something now its going to basically be direct copies of the things i saw but if im high im sure i can actually create something new and beautiful. im scared of being intoxicated again but i was scared to drink again too and i got drunk and proceeded to love it and want to drink every single day because surprise surprise i have alcoholism coded into my dna and consequentially have an addictive personality in general. which is why i felt like my life was useless without weed. all up until i was finally able to get my hands on a stash that would let me smoke whenever i want versus when i would get a small amount every couple of months and completely and utterly fail at ratioing it out and binge it all and then have ridiculously introspective trips where id start to go a little crazy at the end (i have a distinct memory of looking at a meme that had a woman on it and thinking ‘jesus christ... what the fuck is that’ and then spiraled into thinking about how life is pointless but i didnt have enough weed to continue with that train of thought and if i did i may have had my crisis a lot earlier, it was just inevitable) i just felt like being high was the only time i could actually get in touch with my inner self again. like i used to before the thick clouds of depression and psychosis settled in. but then i finally was able to get high for longer than short bursts of time and it all came to a head where my brain broke and i have existential terror now that i feel im going to not be able to deal with confronting again. but every time i say that it never ends up staying permanently, it comes in waves, it all comes in waves. back and forth. i feel beauty in life and then i feel fear. i feel like its all worth it and then i cant stop thinking about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the pointlessness of it all. and then i get a hug or listen to a really good song and i feel like its worth it again. i wonder if this is just a period in my life im not a total stoner or if its actually permanent. anyways point is i want to make so much stuff that my hands ache and my brain rots when i think about how many things inspire me. thats why my aesthetic tag is #inspiration, its been like that for many years now, its stuff that inspires me. but at what point am i going to turn that inspiration into reality? im bad at initiative. my initiative is going to be when i pick up the pot again because im too lethargic and procrastinatey to create the things i want any other time. but when will that be? i cant see a therapist or anything rn and working it out on my own has been mildly successful, not bad, im not spending every single day in terror like i was at this point last year. it started all going away around august after starting in march. march 30th in fact. from then on its been a constant battle with dissociation. funny because just earlier in march was some of the best experiences of my life. i think if lockdown never happened this never would have happened either but at the same time im left wondering how anybody can go through their life without wondering about the meaning of it all and coming out the other side with purpose and resolve. mine was to enjoy myself and find as much beauty and love in life as i can before i die and enhance the lives of the people around me while i can because i feel too small to do anything on a grander scale. and im fine with that, for the most part, but i still get attacked by these waves of thought where i wonder what the purpose of reality is . i always have to smack myself and remind myself no dumbass you already went over this a million times, just enjoy yousrelf while youre here. but when im high its a million times worse cuz the only time i can get my mind off it is when im replacing it with horny thoughts and thats not the only thing i wanna do when im high ofc i want to experience and create and listen to music. but i mean i havent smoked since june. i think the 15th ? i could go back and read my journals to tell exactly when it was but yeah its been almost a year now and i feel like i might have it in me again. i used to love getting high and working on shit so much. some of my best works and most  creative projects and honestly just most enjoyable periods of my life were when i was high. going back to what i was saying about early march 2020 being the best time of my life, idk what it was about me but i was just having a grand old time experiencing absolute beauty playing ark with my friends, feeling so creative and developing new ideas and experiences, and using the freedom and motivation i felt ingame to also want to explore the world irl. i seriously was close to actually finally reading my survival manual and start camping and shit and i wanted to visit my relatives in their hella secluded farmhouse in the middle of fuck nowhere kansas, cuz i did visit there during that time period and i loved it to death, i felt so free. two different relatives actually and they both had that same aesthetic about them. of course they were horribly racist but i mean, thats rural kansas for you. i just wanted to camp in their woods. its funny because that month was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. all because of weed! if i never started smoking or rather never found a reliable source at that point in my life i wonder how i wouldve turned out? id like to chalk this up to fate that im like this, maybe its for the best, maybe smoking again wont help me but maybe it will. i have a way to ease myself back into it i just need that leap of faith and  bravery like i felt when i was drinking again. its funny because i used to be such a fucking druggie and i wanted to get high all the time and then after my existential crisis that all just. stopped. i feell ike everyone i know is sick of me talking about it but it really fundamentally changed me on the inside even if it doesnt seem like it much on the outside so i feel its right of me to talk about it sometimes. it makes me feel better at least. like this is jsut a thing t hat happened, not a fated break from the universe i cant come back from yknow? i dunno. ive rambled on way too fucking long and idk if anyones gonna read this. tldr i want to draw and create so many things and i have too many ideas to deal with but i only feel ill be able to unlock my creativity and motivation if im high but due to bad past experiences im terrified to get high again. i mean ive done and made some pretty cool stuff since then but the motivation and ideas are much fewer and far between compared to the absolute deluge i get when im stoned , whether any of my ideas are actually any good or if they were just high ramblings is up to debate but i think it gave me a really good way of looking at things and i made some pretty cool stuff and i miss it a lot but i dont know if going back to it is going to be a mistake or not and im not brave enough to find out if itll hurt me again or if im ready. yyyyaaaayyyyy hahahaha ✌