#end of oversharing on the internet
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Feeling terrible time for old reliable: listening to black box warrior until I go physically numb
#this has yet to be effective but practice makes perfect#anyway had a teeny panic in front of my boss but he was chill about it#and offered to let me have off Tuesday (moms getting a procedure done hence the talking to my boss to let him know in advance I might need#to step off the floor)#and I was like no sir I like money I just also might need an extra fifteen to communicate with my parents#not what I said but that was the energy#well no. the energy was bad#I think I’ve been on the brink of tears since Friday and the levy broke today. like four times#personal#end of oversharing on the internet
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”Damn I’ve been feeling kind of shitty about what I went through when I was 15-16. I wonder if there’s a way to get all these feelings out besides therapy”
SpottedLeaf and Anya:
#blimbo rambles#wc#Crazy as hell to me that the game came out when it did because that was right when I had a feeling I was about to get sent into another#depressive ass spiral for weeks on end over that whole shitty internet thing (again)#I don't carry the same Kinds of mental weight/trauma that these two characters hold - and I know Spotted's whole thing was handled poorly#with her story not even trying to be about grooming according to Victoria Holmes- but something about their characters just#made me feel. I dunno how to explain this but not alone I guess?#Definitely not the right explanation#Basically I'm just trying to say that it's so crazy how quickly these two characters have become really important to me#as embarrassing as that is to admit it's true#again. the game came out RIGHT when I felt one of the depressive episodes coming back. Course I got a lot on my mind when my#birthday was lose. Sure as hell got a lot on my mind now that I'm 19. Not oversharing about that though#But I dunno man. Just feels nice to explore topics of trauma and ptsd with these two (Even if I do more so with Spotted but that's because#I don't really want to draw people much and also I get embarrassed drawing human fanart)#anyways how do I end these tags off#Uh. Alright these two characters are now apart of my “Important Characters I project onto” shelf right next to Smudge
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The p3r dlc really has me walking around Tartarus with the Junes theme playing in the background. What a time to be alive.
#“Gio did you seriously spend 200 dollars on the aigis deluxe addition and then pay 35 dollars for a dlc are you fr??’’#“Gio they are practically stealing ur money away from you at this point what on earth are you doing’’#IDK 😭😭😭#nahhh I’m actually kind of broke now I’m getting worried abt my money supply ☺️ especially considering I’m still jobless ☺️#I might be getting a job at a dishwasher soon tho 😯#urgh I can’t believe people actually have to work….society….#tbh I’ll probably end up backing out last second as always bc I don’t want to wash dishes :(#why would I wash dishes when I could be writing or drawing :(#urgh#agghhhh#persona#persona 3#persona 3 reload#p3#If I actually do end up getting the job (doubt) I genuinely bet I’ll last a week before either quitting or getting fired#like fr 😭 I’m cooked#I have the worst work ethic ever it’s actually crazy#HELPPP WHY AM I RAMBLING ABT MY JOB TROUBLES UNDER A PERSONA POSTTTT#LMAOO#I lovveeee oversharing on the internet 💕🫶 🎉#anyways every days great at your Junes and whatnot#wish I could work at Junes smh#the junes theme song would make it bearable#BEARable haha get it haha bc teddie is a bear and teddies the mascot haha#persona 4#p4#persona 4 golden
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Hey this just in? Ptsd sucks balls
#Oversharing on the internet times#Ptsd#-10/10 don't recommend#Ugh#Need my brain scrubbed and shaken out#I would like a new one please and thank you#I promise I won't let this new one be tortured I'll be extra careful#Love how my subconscious has decided that I'm just the worst person on earth all my dreams lately are like#Hey what if you were monstrous? What I'd you personally committed horrific acts against other human beings?#Let's explore that reality in hd#These aren't even the fun nightmares where I can convince myself I'm not seconds from throwing up they were so bad and can decode them#And do dream work with them#Those nightmares always end up having really cool symbolism and are helpful in deeply deeply meaningful ways#I am willing to suffer those nightmares I have made my peace with them it's like a game almost#These ones just shake me up for fucking days and become a never ending spiraling cycle ugh ugh ugh#It's like my intrusive thoughts were made I to a TV show fuck#Me: slightly rude to my gf#My brain: what if you were the same level as evil as rapist#Me: great I'm going to throw up and claw my skin off and have a panic attack thank you brain that was super fucking helpful#The way that my brain is convinced that I'm evil actually is sure is....#Well. It. It seems like my brain learned to abuse myself that it's doing the work of my torturer for her ten years down the line#Mm. Hate that thought a lot actually going#....I was actually going to keep these tags fairly short I wanted this post to be a vague haha ptsd sure is something post and not#Spill my guts in the tags again but what else is new have done this for years so whatever
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the best part of an intro therapy appointment is when you say something that is not what you consider to be an important detail, but the therapist just says a nervous “uh-huh” and starts feverishly taking notes
#she was not ready for the lore#lol i also keep forgetting to mention all of the disorders i have so at the end i was just like ‘oh yeah there’s ocd too!’#you have to have your psychiatric bingo sheet ready for me#anyways don’t mind me as i continue to overshare on the internet
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unfortunately am in my betty/cardigan era & I do not care what taylor herself says betty should Not forgive james!!!!
#how are u gonna get with a girl u have no feelings for#instead of someone u do have feelings for how does that make sense#you just end up hurting both girls great job!#chase two girls lose the one#ava posts stuff#sorry I am oversharing on the internet to cope#lol oop maybe i take it back
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Getting real sick of the unceasing nauseating dread of being viscerally aware that everything electronic that is not physically, holdably owned and some things that are physically holdably owned is fickle in its existence and liable to vanish in an instant if some random corporate overlords decide that it is no longer worth supporting. No one invited you. Why are you at our house.
#we speak#the dread back again. goddamn it. at least we tried.#have also come to the realization that we are once again oversharing in an attempt to gain connection#which is not ideal. real tired of these old symptoms turning up to inform us we're dying.#we are capable of physically going to places and talking to people it is NOT the end of the world if some internet things go down#and yet. and yet and yet and yet#unpleasant#negative chatter
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LITERALLY only I would get a UTI the day before leaving for a weekend trip with my boyfriend & it’s our last real time together before he moves 7 hours away for the next two years
#like i know it will be fine in the end but goddamn i am just so annoyed#and i got antibiotics today but they always make me feel like garbage#& we have to drive two+ hours tomorrow and i'm gonna need to pee all the time and will probably have an upset stomach bc of the meds#just ugh#i know he'll understand but FUCK#shannon muses#etherealperrie#oversharing on the internet
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seeing posts about long term friendships where person A is slowly putting in less effort and moving on to other friends while person B still wants the friendship and relating to person A...
#its giving#its me hi im the problem its me#like me and my old best friend used to do everything to but i felt like we were just encouraging each others mental illness so i slowly#distanced myself and started getting closer and choosing my now bests friends over her#and now we just walk past each other without even saying anything#and in August itll be a year since i officially ended the friendship#i love oversharing on the internet#bays random thoughts
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i will say this. despite whatever the fuck is going on in my brain, my setlists for my radio show are just getting better and better every week.
#i go through phases of insane progress#then tend to stagnate at the end of a semester when im stressed and busy with finals and shit#but i feel like i've struck gold lately#(im working on my playlist for this friday to try to get over this weird mood im in)#(and i'm oversharing on the internet again cause im really fucking high)#tree talks
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hi gay person big fan of the new url
hi other gay person. thank you very very much 🥲 me too
#the brokeback mountain brainrot is really with me#2 yrs ago i was LITERALLY doing a end of year test and i started thinking about the i wish i knew how to quit you scene and started CRYING.#IN THE EXAM#IN FRONT OF LIKE 100 people 🧎♂️🧎♂️🧎♂️🧎♂️#anyway <3#oversharing on the internet <333#asks
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this might be me someday….
i, personally, love to straddle that fine line between “fandom blog” and “record of complete psychological breakdown”
#im thinking of posting some non fandom stuff on this blog#but like idk#i’m going to end up oversharing on the internet#maybe i’ll make a side blog or something
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Holy fuck that one therapist that tortured me was trying to kill me
#Oversharing on the internet times#Tw:torture#Tw:abuse of power#We're out here having all sorts of fun realizations tonight#Like with the memories unlocked of exactly how long I was going without sleep it's obvious in hindsight#For months now I've been having what I thought was an irrational anxiety wondering about what would have happened what was her end game#But no that was just my subconscious realizing that she wanted me dead#Not my “”“”“therapist”“”“”“ being actual literal hannibal lectre
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okay i was totally right about not putting my rant in the tags of that last post because ive been writing it up and its getting out of hand even for its own post and im not sure if im gonna finish writing everything out or if im gonna just scream in my head for a while. anyway on a related note who wants to hear about my very boring dating history
#honestly i keep blurring the line between 'personal anecdote related to the topic' and 'oversharing on the internet yet again'#and after typing a bunch of shit out ive realized im not sure which category the post is ending up in#so im not sure if i should post it#but also i typed a lot so i dont wanna just toss it#idk its basically just a bunch of explaining mormon shit#and how it affected my dating life#created my dating life#whatever#but also im not sure whats common knowledge about how the mormon church works and whats not#so i think ive overexplained a bunch of shit in an attempt at clarity#which is definitely a reoccuring thing for me lol#anyway im starting to realize that its probably not interesting to anyone but me so idk if im gonna bother typing the rest out#like theres no reason to put any more effort into some tangent if no ones interested in the result idk
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remembered the concept of death, once again paralyzed by fear
#i think it’s more so the idea of dying in a hospital bed the feeling of resignation knowing that the end is near and being unable to do#anything about it i think that i’m somewhat okay with dying in a car crash or something equally bloody and gruesome because that at least#evokes an emotion other than hopelessness if i absolutely have to die i’d rather feel something other than despair in my last moments i wan#to be afraid and i want to be angry and i want to scream and i don’t want to die in a fucking hospital bed#this is my worst oversharing on the internet yet
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i think i’m meant for little, for few.
i like being selective.
does it sound convincing to you too?
these days i let my mind go places without reigning it back in for criticism. it went to dark places, but then it went back.
sometimes, it came back changed.
i write things i’m afraid to write. then i tuck them away, then write it again, more coherently.
i reread words i adore. cry over it. share them with a selective few. told you i like being selective.
most of the time though, i tuck it away.
every time i yearn for something that was outside of myself, it is the girl with wet and lost eyes
scratch that. my eyes were never wet and lost — they just closed off, shutting me inside myself.
she tucked away what she thought she wanted. tucking away seems to be the theme here.
tucking away seems to be easier than to cry out in vain. until all the places were filled and the wanting spilled everywhere.
wanting is humiliating.
do you even want it? like actually? or is it just a petulant cry of a child rebelling against being told to be good and reasonable.
fuck being good and reasonable.
i don’t want what i think i want. of all the things i inherited from my mother.
FOMO is a strange word. i hate it — call it like it actually is.
jealousy.
ugly thing, isn’t it? that’s why people have to invent an even shittier word for it.
and i’m writing a shitty poem about it. none of it makes sense.
i like jealousy. like writing about it. like reading about it. maybe if i do that enough it will become something outside of myself.
maybe if i do that enough it would feel like passion, or devotion. something interesting.
but until then, i will tuck it away. i’m sorry some of it spilled out. i’ll clean it up later.
like a good and reasonable girl i was taught to be.
#my writing#hashtag oversharing on the internet#i think i started out wanting to write something else but this is how that ended up being#to the selective few: i love and adore you. i only ever need you. everything else is noise - and jealousy whispering poison in my ears
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