#em getting entirely too real about being bi

[bamboozledbird]

IGNITE: A Teen Wolf S1 AU // prev, chapter 3

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Original Female Character, Scott McCall, Original Male Character Pairing: eventual Stiles x OFC, but man are we talking slow burn Word Count: 4.1k Warnings: canon typical gore/violence, parental death, depictions of depression (apathy, dissociation, 'numb little bug' vibes), emetophobia  Tags: canon has been lovingly scrapped for parts, author majored in english lit and is a choatic bi and it shows, prolific overuse of the em dash, the slowest of burns i fear

Summary: Four years ago, Drea Dickinson's entire life fell apart. Her mom died, her best friend replaced her, and all she could do was watch listlessly while everything else burned down around her. All she wants is to forget and maybe get through her sophomore year without flunking chemistry and completely unraveling at the seams—a seemingly impossible task with the sudden appearance of ghosts from her mother's mysterious past and a hair-raising beast ripping people apart all over town. It would be easier to pretend if she hadn't accidentally entwined her life with the most interrogatory bastard in town. She could have gone her whole life without meeting Stiles Stilinski, and she would've been perfectly fine, but now she's stuck knowing that she's made her bed in the fragile, breakable bones of the boy with all the answers. Chapter Summary: More information about the animal attack comes to light. Drea can't decide if she's more scared of the monster or becoming friends with someone new.

A/N: You can also check me out on ao3 (dork_knight)!

Blessedly, whatever Scott had said to Stiles at the beginning of class was distracting enough to keep his, frankly obsessive, focus on him for the rest of first-period. Drea even managed to finish the final essay question without interruption—which was plenty difficult without being interrogated about her ex-best friend. She almost scoffed when she read the prompt: Whom do you sympathize with more, Gregor or his family? Who in their right mind would side with a pathetic parasite who couldn’t love anyone more than he hated himself? An uncomfortable, undeniable pang of melancholy sliced through her throat, and she was actually grateful for the distraction when the bell rang for second period and she had to pack up for chemistry. 

The impending chemistry midterm, however, was evidently a touch too distracting because Drea didn’t notice that she’d regained her lanky shadow until she was in Mr. Harris’s classroom and he stole the flashcard in her hand. Narrowing her eyes, Drea leaned across the lab table and rocked onto her tiptoes. Her outstretched arm shook as she struggled to even brush her fingers against the cardstock, “I haven’t talked to her in years. Lurk elsewhere.”

Stiles opened his mouth and then shut it again, head bobbing helplessly for a moment, “I was just going to ask you about…Gregor. That last question was a real piece of work, huh.”

She plucked the card out of his grasp while he was distracted by his social ineptitude, “Uh huh.” 

“Scout’s honor,” Stiles placed his hand over his chest and somehow made his big eyes rounder. His pink bottom lip jutted out ever-so slightly, but the quivering at the edges of his mouth gave him away. Sighing, he leaned his weight onto his palm: flat against the tabletop, fingers spread, and far too close to her own. He gestured erratically with his other hand, and Drea jerked back to avoid being smacked in the face. “Personally, I’m on Grete’s side. I mean, you can only take care of your werebug brother for so long without some kind of recognition before you snap.” Stiles shot a pointed look over his shoulder at his friend from first-period, and Drea thought the glare Scott returned was well-deserved. She could be biased, but probably not. 

“He was a little preoccupied by being, y’know, a bug .” Drea shuffled her notecards and frowned pensively at the question that ended up on top of the stack: What is the formula for Calcium acetate?  

“He could’ve said thank you in Morse code.” Stiles looked over her shoulder and added, “C4H6CaO4.”

Drea flipped the card over and pursed her lips. He was right. “I actually said the same thing,” she admitted begrudgingly as she grabbed the next flashcard from the pile. “Not the Morse code bit, that’s obviously insane. I did say that the best thing he did for her was die.”

“Damn.” Stiles’s forehead wrinkled as he let out a puff of air, “A little harsh, Dickinson.”

Drea picked at her raw cuticles and wished she could pull her bottom lip over her head. “It’s like you said,” she muttered as she folded her arms firmly over her chest, ducking her chin towards the divot in her breastbone, “she could only deal with his depressed bullshit for so long before she got on with her life and made new, sane, non-insect friends who actually go outside, and have fun at parties, and respond to texts.” Drea paused and remembered that she needed air to function when her lungs started to burn. Exhaling shallowly, she pressed her calves against the stool’s frigid legs until it hurt. Maybe, if she crushed her limbs together tightly enough, curled in on herself closely enough, she could disappear. “And don’t, y’know, crawl on the ceiling and projectile vomit Exorcist style,” she finished weakly.

Stiles studied her for a moment, and it was like he could see every painfully tender spot inside her. She felt ants crawling underneath her skin and him seeing her, and she wanted to bolt before she came completely unstitched at the seams. “Well,” he trailed off for a moment, rubbing the back of his head, “in all fairness, being there…that’s kind of the deal when you’re friends—even if they turn into a disgusting bug.” She didn’t know that someone so caustic could sound so gentle, like ink running across paper.

“Siblings.” Drea swallowed and looked away from his unyielding gaze, but she still saw amber and understanding every time she blinked. “You mean siblings.”

“Sure.” Stiles smiled a little and slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, “Siblings.”

She swallowed again, couldn’t even manage a ‘see'ya’ or an eyeroll when he saluted her goodbye, and watched him saunter towards his seat next to Scott through her lashes with her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. She felt a little sick once realized that she wasn’t relieved by his absence. It was all she’d wanted at the beginning of his inquisition, and yet…she wanted him to sit next to her. The epiphany struck her right in the stomach, and she felt a bit like one of her dad’s rare butterflies—tissue paper wings pinned to paper, fervently yearning to fly away, even if it meant ripping herself apart. 

Normally, Drea thoroughly enjoyed not having a lab partner. The class had an odd number of students, and Mr. Harris either hadn’t noticed or didn’t care that she never joined another pair during labs. It was a toss-up, considering he seemed to loathe his job as much as he loved devoting his undivided attention to mocking Stiles. Speak of the bifocal-ed Devil . 

“Mr. Stilinski,” the contempt in Mr. Harris’s voice was sickeningly viscous. She imagined mucus dripping from his thin lips; it helped quell some of the righteous anger in her gut. He continued, and now he was spitting up slugs and snot, “If that’s your idea of a hushed whisper, you might want to pull the headphones out every once in a while. I think you and Mr. McCall would benefit from a little distance, yes?”

“No–” Stiles’s jaw hung open as he shook his head violently. 

Mr. Harris silenced him with a glare, and Drea’s fingers curled into her palms as she watched the condescension gloss over his smirk when Stiles complied. Her jagged, bitten-down nails pinched her skin; she quickly flattened her hands on top of the table before she did something stupid like draw attention to herself. It was none of her business, after all, and she had a test to prepare for. Drea stared at her notes, reread the same sentence over and over again without comprehending a single word, until she felt the uneasy sensation of someone sneaking up behind her.

“Hey,” Stiles sat down on the empty stool next to her and kicked at her shoe lightly under the table. She hummed in recognition and slid her textbook over to make room for his things. 

Stiles’s face scrunched as he flipped through his own notes. She couldn’t read most of it—not that she was looking; his hand-writing was just glaringly atrocious. Everything was smooshed together and most of the letters were partially incomplete, like his pencil couldn’t keep up with his brain. She looked back at her own notebook, at the meticulously symmetrical loops and compulsively straight lines, and the corner of her mouth curled into a brief smile. 

The quiet was nice, but Drea couldn’t shake the irritation sticking to her fingers. She tapped her pencil against her notebook a few times, bit down on the inside of her cheek, and then said, “He’s a dick.” She spoke quietly, but Stiles still flinched. The highlighter in his hand left a long yellow streak across his textbook, and she winced. Truthfully, she was equally startled that she’d voluntarily broken a perfect moment of silence. 

Stiles didn’t seem bothered by the new mark permanently defacing his book, most likely because a good portion of the glossy pages were already more yellow than they were white. He angled his chin towards her and smirked, “Are you legally allowed to call someone a dick?” 

Drea grinned at her notes, “I have the utmost authority, actually.”

Stiles leaned forward onto his forearms and struggled to keep his mouth impassive, “Oh, yeah?”

A loud, grating squeal of metal on tile and an even louder yelp interrupted Drea’s reply. A girl near the front of the classroom shot up out of her seat, almost sending her stool toppling to the ground, and then bolted towards the window overlooking the parking lot, “I think they found something!” 

Mr. Harris quickly lost control of the classroom as the rest of the class surrounded her, practically pressing their stupefied faces against the glass to get a better look at what, or rather whom, the EMTs were wheeling out of the thicket of trees just beyond the school’s perimeter. Drea hesitated for a moment before joining the stragglers. Morbid fascination dwindled after you were confronted with the reality of it—she wasn’t in any rush to see another dead body. 

She wasn't ever supposed to actually see the photos; they were strictly evidence for the potential arson investigation. The coroner didn’t even want her dad to see the body. There hadn’t been any point, after all; it was completely unidentifiable. At the time, Drea thought it would help. She thought peeking at the case file while the Sheriff was on the phone might remind her of some crucial detail, hidden in the depths of her blackout—and, well, she thought it might finally make it real. Maybe, if she saw the proof, she’d finally believe that her mom wasn’t coming back. 

She’d been wrong, of course. Seeing what was left of her mom, seeing her like…that, it’d just made her puke. Her whole body had trembled from the retching, and then she was paralyzed, held hostage by a glacial streak of terror. Sheriff Stilinki had been so terribly understanding about the whole thing, like it was nothing: vomit on his office floor, trembling hands invading his private files. He’d just wiped the corners of her mouth with a tissue and rubbed her upper back in slow circles, just like her mom did when she was sick—which ultimately sent her into another round of dry-heaving. She never felt the temptation to look again. 

Drea let out a deep breath when she looked out the window and saw the man on the gurney twitch. His jacket and pants were black, and his shirt was charcoal gray, dark enough to hide any blood stains. The only thing she could make out was a large gash on his face; it was still bleeding sluggishly, leaving a sticky red trail from his jaw to his neck. Drea’s grip on her arms tightened as her stomach lurched. The paramedics began to load the gurney into the ambulance, and the man surged forward without a single warning. His screams were raw, like they’d been ripped from his throat along with the flesh on his cheek. 

Every single one of the students crowded against the windows recoiled from the wailing, and Drea swallowed the bile burning her throat. It was like they were watching their own, personal horror movie and couldn’t decide if they were more exhilarated or horrified—just itching for the jump scare. She stumbled back towards the door and bumped into Stiles and Scott. Stiles gripped her arm gently until she regained her footing.

“That’s not a rabbit,” Scott said under his breath. He looked as queasy as she felt.

“Or a cat,” Drea added quietly.

“But he’s alive,” Stiles nudged Scott a little, “that’s good, right? Dead guys can’t do that.”

Scott still looked like he was going to hurl all over Stiles’s white Vans, and Drea felt a flutter of sympathy. The only thing worse than puking was doing it in front of other people. “You might want to take him somewhere,” she spoke softly to Stiles. “He looks like he’s going to pass out.”

“Yeah,” Stiles nodded a little and wrapped an arm around Scott’s rigid shoulders, “good call.” 

His eyes darted around the classroom: big, and brown, and frantic—like a lost fawn. Drea nodded towards the dark corner Mr. Harris was dissociating in, “I’ll cover for you.”

“Yeah?” Stiles smiled a little, but he looked weary down to his bones as he started shuffling Scott towards the door. 

“Yeah,” her smile was a bit wobbly at the edges, “but only ‘cause I get a sick thrill out of fucking with dicks.” 

Her weak attempt to ease some of the tension in the air was semi-successful; Scott was still staring into another dimension, but Stiles looked positively giddy at the prospect of such a perfect setup. “I have, just, so many thoughts on that, but I’ll save them for after Scott—” he gave Scott a long look and scratched the back of his buzzed head, “gets his blood sugar up.”

It was sweet, Drea thought as she watched Stiles guide Scott into the hallway, lying to spare Scott’s pride. She thought Stiles would be a better liar, but maybe that was the downfall of being raised by a police officer. It was either that or the general social impotence. Not that she had much room to talk; silence was her preferred method of social interaction. 

The classroom was far from silent now. Students were spread out across the room in little clumps. Some spoke in furious whispers. Others weren’t as discreet, and Drea could hear every single preposterous word that left their mouths. The amount of sophomores who didn’t know that the California grizzly bear went extinct almost a century ago was a very depressing glimpse into the public education system, but at least there were only two boys howling obnoxiously at a few giggling volleyball girls. Rolling her eyes, Drea pulled out her phone and typed ‘Beacon Hills bus attack’ into the search bar. She refreshed the page obsessively, all throughout chemistry and art class, until an article finally popped up on her screen at lunch. 

Drea bit into her slightly bruised apple and squinted at her phone, immensely grateful for the empty courtyard as she came across the grittier details. She always ate lunch outside; it was quieter without the echoes of gossip and laughter, and the heady scent of cut grass was far preferable to whatever monstrosity the cafeteria was serving that day. Today, the afternoon heat made the earthy warmth especially thick in the air. Normally, she loved that smell, the smell of summer. It reminded her of frenzied August afternoons, running through Lydia’s sprawling backyard and swinging into brisk lake water, but the smell was quickly becoming suffocating the more she read. 

The man who was attacked was a bus driver. He was smiling in the photo they’d chosen to include in the bio section before the pictures of the crime scene, like a twisted ‘before and after’ ad. Drea dropped her half-eaten apple into her lunch sack and shoved it to the side when she got to the background bits. Garrison Myers had a family, a wife and two daughters; they were praying for his unlikely survival. Her throat hurt, and she wondered if there was an apple chunk lodged in her esophagus. Swallowing hard, Drea scrolled down to the police interview. The deputy they managed to get a quote from clearly knew next to nothing, though he did posit the possibility of a mountain lion attack. Drea rolled her eyes. Maybe on PCP. 

The only thing she was sure of was that whatever kind of beast ripped a woman in half and slashed a man to ribbons in the span of a week wasn’t going to stop. At least, not until it was killed. 

Drea was surprised to see her dad’s car in the garage. He wasn’t supposed to be off work for hours, and he certainly never came home early on weekdays. She would be more nervous if there was anyone left in her life to grieve. It was just the two of them now. Her mom hadn’t ever talked about her family; Drea wasn’t even sure if she ever had one, and Grandma and Papa Dickinson died before she even had the chance to remember them. She wished, sometimes, that there was someone else in the house. Someone who could fill the cold silence and closed doors. Someone who might chase away the ghosts lingering in the long halls and photographs on the walls. It was a futile dream. They were going to die in this house alone, and someday a new family would chase out their shadows with laughter.

Drea felt a bittersweet sense of deja vu when she walked into the house and saw her dad sitting at the kitchen table. The kitchen was his spot before everything went wrong. He puttered around the island in the mornings with his thermos of coffee and tablet, somehow knowing exactly when to flip the bubbling pancakes on the griddle without glancing up from whatever NPR article he was reading. He only looked up from the screen to kiss her mom on the cheek and give Drea a side-squeeze until she whined about her ability to breathe. 

That was a long time ago, she reminded herself as her dad looked up from his iPad. It’d been four years, but he still hadn’t quite figured out how to hug her and the kitchen never smelled like pancakes and cinnamon syrup anymore. “How was school?” her dad finally said after a long moment of uneasy eye-contact. 

Drea’s brow wrinkled and her head canted slightly, “You really want to talk about my day?”

“Of course,” her dad paused and rubbed his hands over his face, “but there is something important I wanted to talk to you about.” His stubble had grown out enough that she could see where the brown was starting to gray. He looked so old for a moment, and Drea wasn’t quite sure how to feel. She never did around him. 

Frowning, Drea sat down in the chair across from him, “Did someone die?”

“No,” her dad quickly replied, and then he sighed, “well, yes.” He set his iPad to the side and took his thick reading glasses off, “You know about the animal attacks.” It wasn’t a question. She figured that was how this would go; it was easier to pretend she didn’t exist if he monologued to the spot on the wall just over her shoulder. “Sheriff Stilinski and I agree that a curfew is the best course of action, considering the situation we’re in.”

Best course of action. Drea chewed on what was left of her nails and resisted the sigh budding in her chest. So, this was a council meeting too. She just didn’t get a vote. “Okay.” 

“Okay.” Her dad blinked a few times and rubbed at his jaw, like he’d been expecting her to fight him on it. Most of the fight fizzled out in her a long time ago; it was just easier to pretend. She got that from him, she thought. She inherited her dad’s small upturned nose and his ability to deny reality straight to its face, and that was where the similarity ended. The fullness of her lips, the sleek line of her eyes, the golden glow in her tawny skin—the exhausting curiosity—that was all her mom. It must be why her dad couldn’t keep his gaze on her for long. He ran his fingers through his short crop of dark hair and said, “Anyone under the age of 18 needs to be home by 9:00 every night.” 

“Fine.” It wasn’t like she had much of a social life anyway, and the curio shop she worked for closed long before dark. “So,” Drea fiddled with the edge of a decorative bamboo placemat that hadn’t seen a plate in years, “do the police have any idea what kind of animal’s going all Pac-Man on people?”

Her dad stared at her for a moment, a deep divot developing above the crooked bridge of his nose. Drea looked down at her hands and mumbled, “The vampire Pomeranian, not the wimpyass circle.”

His mouth tugged a little, and she would’ve sworn he was fighting a smile if everything else in the world didn’t directly contradict the theory. “Not exactly.”

“Which means…” Drea shook her head a little and tugged her fingers through her unruly ponytail, grimacing a bit as they snagged on a few knots where the slight curl in her hair had frizzed together, “they’ve ruled out tiny bloodsucking dogs, or they’ve narrowed it down to a few probable options?” 

He paused for a long moment, and Drea pulled her shins to her chest, focusing on the tips of her sneakers hanging off the edge of the wooden seat. She turned her cheek into her kneecaps and waited for her dad to make an excuse and leave. She’d pushed. She always had to push. 

“There were wolf fibers on the girl.”

Drea whipped her head up from her knees, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. She was a little embarrassed that she was more stunned by her dad sharing confidential information with her than a wolf migrating to central California for the first time in over a hundred years. “And the bus driver?”

“He’s still…unresponsive. Stilinski is looking into the possibility that he was attacked by the same animal.” 

“Huh,” Drea said quietly, eyes glazing over as she considered the possibility.

“Regardless, you need to be home before dark until they catch the damn thing,” he leaned back against his chair, tipping back his head with his bottle of Miller High life, golden liquid sloshing with the strength of his swallow. It was the first time she’d seen him drink since the funeral, but she knew about the empty bottles he threw away in the trash can outside. Over the years, the number varied; she noticed a significant increase around anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas. She left extra take-out in the fridge during those weeks, his favorites, and they were gone in the morning. Drea twisted the pendant on her necklace and made a note to order Little India’s tandoori chicken after her shift.

“I have to work tonight.” She said quietly, nibbling the bed of her thumbnail, “I’m off at 8:00.” She both dreaded and longed for her boss’s absurd take on the situation—though boss wasn’t quite the right word for Maggie Sinclair. Despite the fact that she owned Curio Killed the Cat and approved Drea’s paychecks, Maggie was the least authoritative person Drea knew. She’d say Mags was like an older sister, but older sisters generally didn’t require so much supervision around open flames and sangria—and anything else sparkling enough to distract her sporadic focus. Her mom used to look out for her before she died; Drea supposed Maggie was just another thing she inherited from her. Her favorite thing probably, but that was something she’d most likely take to her grave.

Drea wasn’t entirely sure how Maggie met her mom, given the 15-year age gap and their vastly different…everything, but Maggie had been in Drea’s life for as long as she could remember. She spent so much time in Maggie’s store after her mom died that she figured she might as well get paid for shelving spell books and grimoires while she was there—even if she did think that most of Maggie’s customers were totally off their rocker.

Her dad’s face went blank for a moment, as it always did when he was reminded of anything remotely related to her mom. It was easier for him, Drea thought, to pretend that she never existed. She couldn’t even be bitter about it; she hadn’t even cried at the funeral. She cried much later, of course, but by then the pity well had run dry. Nobody cared how she coped, so long as she coped quickly. She’d wasted those precious first few weeks with numbness, with monotonous, 'Thank you,’s and, 'It’s sad, but I’m okay,'s and then, eventually, they stopped asking. Time passed. People moved on. Drea didn’t touch any of the casseroles in the fridge. Her grades slipped; her teachers said, ‘This isn’t like you.’ She lived in the wake and pushed people away with an acrid bite that would disappoint the resurrection right out of mother. Her dad was just coping. They both were. 

“Right,” he cleared his throat, “come straight home after.”

Drea shouldered her backpack and stood up, “Always do.”

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles PT

PART. 3 BABY OF BEING CRINGY ABOUT MY OWN AU

LET'S GOOOOOO (Big send of too this chapter, holy shit)

Lol so like: One thing I didn't wanna do was suppress how much Zelda meant to Shadow Link's character arc for the sake of Vidow "Working".

Shadow Link does love Zelda FYI our mans is Bi. Idk if you noticed...but this whole comic is just polycule central there's no shipping wars, you can ship everyone basically. X'D

Zelda was a huge role in Shadow Link's character development to being a good boy, so it's only natural he's attached to her. (This will also be shown in the next chapter...Hehe)

Also the way his emotions around Vio are so charged that the best way he can put it to words is Vio is "Really cool" is like, so dumbly sweet. Bro can't properly even word how much he adores this man.

Shadow Link has made it no secret he wants to be buds with Vio for reals this time, and he's also 100% not interested in helping Gannon. So...There really ISN'T a reason Vio and him should have the same issues Vio was worried about. Thus, he tries to sooth Vio's fears.

*cough cough cough* gay. Shadow Link's so anxious about asking.

Lol so I got a "Writing rule" for Vio...He ain't gonna cry till I crack him completely like an egg. X'D He will get very close tho: Like this moment.

The way I put blush on the nose area specifically indicates someone's like, close to crying or is crying. I just like this face particularly because there's so much shit going on in that head of his.

The start of the hug is so damn awkward (Intentionally so)

These panels mean so much to meeeeeeee-

Everything about em

The hug, Vio's so close his face is squished (He's so adorable.)

Shadow Link doesn't immediately hug him back he's stunned.

Hehehehe. Vidow go brrrrr..

This entire page is just: PAIN.

Shadow breaks the hug to show him the book.

The wording leaves it so ya can't help but think he hoped the introducing of their friendship would change Vio's mind about being Link again...That his words earlier were just mad ramblings and not how he actually felt. But with a clear head Vio verbally says he still wants to be Link again.

Lmao bro tries not to crack again aaaaand fails.

The book is one about healing magic...What kinds are in there I wonder. ;) A refrence...to a past Selda game mayhaps?~

Also this frame of Shadow Link full blown ugly crying while pretending to be fine is so hilarious to me idk if it comes off as sad or funny but it's kinda both to me. X'D

Mans is crying for him and Vio at this point.

Vio putting the book down in favor of comforting Shadow Link is just kinda one of those things that like, if he had ignored Shadow Link the reader would have noticed, but him being like, decent is smth that isn't nearly as "noticeable" (Like, ya typically notice a character being shitty WAY MORE than you notice all the subtle things they do that are just, kind.)

Also Shadow still wants to be helpful even though he's like, sobbing his eyes out. X'D

He also tries to hide from Vio lmao. Vio saw the water works bro.

Quite a few things:

Shadow's still toxic, just a little. X'D He WANTS Vio around, he misses him like crazy and does not want him to leave, AT ALL. This is very obvious lmao.

But he's also at the point where he knows he can do better than just screaming and throwing tantrums like he did as a kid. But his true feelings about how betrayed he feels Vio still wants to be Link are STILL THERE. Even if he chooses to try and hide them.

Also funny detail: Vio blushing was a lowkey gag because of the whole "They're both attracted to red flags" joke.

You could also take it as him being scared shitless, which he IS.

While he can't take back snapping at Vio, he certainly realizes his mistake very quickly and apologizes. So that's SOMETHING at least. (Considering the type of person he was before, a relapse or two is expected lmao.) I think him still having a certain level of anger management issues makes his character overall more interesting.

I like to think the only reason Vio gave him any patience for that, was because Shadow Link has been nothing but patient and there for him all night and he knows Shadow is emotional as fuck.

As Vio gave him shit for the fight with Blue earlier showed, Vio doesn't tolerate Shadow's crap when he's just being a violent shithead.

Hahaha. Remember when Link outright stated Vio wanted to be Vio and not Link. :) Link sure is a way more reliable narrator than...idk...The guy who lies...

*Whispers gently into your ear* Vio's not being very truthful here...

Notice: He only. ONLY brings up "Logical" reason...not his actual FEELINGS on the matter... He SAYS "I don't want to be Vio"

WHY. WHY!? TELL US WHY VIO!!!

He does have a reason but he's not tellin' lmao.

So, in the book it's not really...SPECIFIED where Shadow Link came from? Like I think all it says is "Gannon drew him out of the dark mirror"

...THAT IS SO UP FOR INTERPRETATION AND BRINGS UP SO MANY QUESTIONS:

Did he have a life in the dark world and was just, TOLD to do Gannon's bidding? His line of "I'm your living reflection in the dark world" MAYBE supports this idea...??? KINDA?

But my issue with that is: Shadow Link gives NO indication he has had a past in the dark world, like...at all. Nothing. No mention of family (Which...Reasonably wouldn't he have a dark version of Link's father???) He's the ONLY PERSON who's implied to be FROM the dark world. Also...The dark mirror isn't REALLY implied to be a PORTAL... The seal on Vaati and his demons was, but Shadow Link wasn't freed from that, Gannon "Drew him from the dark mirror" to release Vaati...So uh...HMMMM His also distinct lack of his OWN name kinda makes me go ???? Like...His NAME is Shadow Link...Like that's not a nickname. That's his NAME. (Like this just weirds me out because of a cannon "Reflection" of Link: in Ravio. Who like...HAS HIS OWN NAME???? ik Ravio isn't from the "Dark world", he's from Lowrule, but point still stands this is odd.)

Suffice to say, there's just not enough info here to draw a conclusion for me? So I gotta make shit up. X'D Shadow Link was created out of Link's Shadow by Gannon in FSR. This is also the reason he resembles a Gerudo male. Cause Gannon said "Mm yes, my evil Link sona will have my heritage. UwU"

Shadow link realizing he almost made Vio cry is so funny to me.

Vio looks so fucking pathetic there. lmfao.

Shadow's words only hit again like Link has stated: Shadow knows Vio

Whether intentionally or not: what he says hits Vio like a ton of bolders.

He's very hesitant to keep talking though because he doesn't want to hurt Vio either.

It's like, he's AWARE he's telling Vio this shit because he WANTS him to stay, but you also can't deny Shadow's at least CORRECT in a lot of his statements. How far should he push that though? Hmm.

His "Oh my god you're an idiot" face is hilarious. Shadow's like "You still don't get what I'm laying down dude??? REALLY!?"

*Explodes*

Lmao. That panel before they kiss is basically my favorite in the entire comic rn. X'D

Shadow pulling away and squishing Vio's face is also a favorite. Vio's just cute and squishable.

Vio stating the obvious: That his mental breakdown wasn't Shadow's fault. (Wasn't really anybody's fault it was inevitable, especially with the curse/Dark Link active)

Lmao. Vio's kinda dumb as bricks sometimes too. X'D

Shadow Link's fucking deadpan stare while Vio rants is so hilarious to me. Also the direct quoting of Vio instead of paraphrasing making his statement sound even more stupid.

Also fun dialogue thing: You'll notice the characters stutter or like, pause weirdly, Because I like writing dialogue a little more realistic. Like Shadow Starts off as "I-was" instead of like "W-was" like he thought of saying smth completely different at first or his mouth moved before his brain did. X'D

Their banter is fun, Vio's his sassy self. Shadow giving him all the kisses we desired...

Okay ngl this page hurts me X'D Like. Ouch. All of it hurts.

Because of how Link kinda abandoned Shadow Link (Even though he was always there) Shadow is OBVIOUSLY very hesitant to let go. It's super obvious Vio doesn't wanna let go either.

Also Vio kissing him back surprises Shadow. X'D He's still bamboozled Vio is receptive to his affection oof... (Would like to show him getting more comfy with it as the comic goes on like "Holy shit, nah he's not playing around with me he fr-")

They mean so much to each other. QuQ

Okay to make you laugh in these very serious panels: Because Shadow's floating Vio's standing on his tip toes.

On that note, can't wait to see yall for the next chapter, whenever I get around to it. X'D

[lolathepeacocklord]

Hello! My bf and i have exactly two gender headcanons for masterson. Transmasc mlm but refuses to acknowledge it (ignore hea been on hrt for years) or butch he/him lesbian. I have no reasoning for this but i feel it ib my heart of hearts.

Also the guy in the gif is a cringey emo loser named Jack Spicer who acts as the main villain of Xaolin Showdowns first season. Hes an egotistical inventor who makes murderous robots and he kinda sucks.

GHUUUHGHUERHGUERGEURGH THESE ARE SO INSANELY FOR REAL OF BOTH OF YOUUUUUUU EEYAAAGHHH!!!!!!! I'm also the tboy bisexual head believer, despite how much he will argue with you after getting called gay even in an obviously joking way

AND HE/HIM BUTCHIFYING CHARACTERS IS SO AWESOME SAUCEEEE IM SO OBSESSED WHENEVER PEOPLE DO THATTTTT !!!!!!!!! it's so fun sauce like oh em cheese, you can do that... That's so fun I luv peculiar liddle queerz... :333 I know one person who mentioned that sort of thing about Nanosec once, and I think thats so cool like omg what da flip!!! that's so creative!!!! I love guy characters getting hit with the beam and being turned into the most fucked up lesbian in the entire world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also don't have much a reason for why i do those thangs as well, besides just the usual shooting my bi projection eye lasers of doom at the freaks on my screen. Sometimes tis just a little fun to get a little cray cray, a little hashtag qweer a little insane in da membrane... Also mister Jack Spicer sounds so stupid and dumb i am madly in love with him and his weird little looks, congrats on his achievements in the field of being and evil genius <33333 and also henry masterson I suppose yeah he was here too ig... rolls eyes...

[nasuversekinkmeme]

Weekly Roundup: Prompts (June 27-July-04)

Tsukihime

Screw it, Akiha ABDL

Pet play: Ciel takes Arcuied round the back and puts her down like Old Yeller

Fate/Stay Night

Shinji gets isekaid after that one time he gets killed in canon but life isn't any better for him in the new world(by his standards at least)

shiki vs taiga swordfight. battle of the ages

taiga learns tiger drop which negates all damage

okay , for real , outta all the f/sn masters, i bet shirou would have the easiest time adjusting to the chaos of life at chaldea . an rin is stuck on the struggle bus with now way out the second she meets BB.

a wave of peace and quiet flows through the clocktower , why ? rin & luvia were tf'd into hex maniacs and no one wants to turn 'em back to normal b/c they aren't total assholes in that state . hell, shirou's even okay with those remaining like that , especially since luvia's taken up gardening. having a friend bring fresh produce when they pop over unannounced has done wonders for his cooking.

Rin Tohsaka being TF'd into Luvia's trophy wife

Smut, unsanitary, Ruby fully re-brainwashes Rin like when she was a kid and makes her piss herself live on stage in front of thousands of people in her old Magical Girl costume. The brainwashed Rin of course finds this very erotic and ends up fingering herself as she pisses buckets.

Fate/Extra

edit BB.exe, setvar arousal=TRUE, setvar canorgasm=FALSE, setvar pleasure=5*pleasure, exit

FGO

Gudako after eating Van Gogh's flesh from her valentine present is in great need to get another bite

kadoc & gudako should bond through shoplifting at sephora

Smut, there’s plenty of content about morgan and her husband. where’s the content of morgan and her wife??? I wanna see gudako dutifully satisfying her witch wife’s needs in the bedroom; bonus if Morgan has a dick (as in in a trans way, because fuck yes). let gudako suck her wife off dammit!!!

somebody at chaldea figures out after xxx or more years of repression they are not straight and/or cis. specifically a servant because post mortem milestones of life are extremely funny to me

Smut, I humbly request for mash/morgan porn where morgan refers to mash as her "trophy."

Ophelia Phamrsolone learns her last name is entirely because of a centuries-old typo. Several typos. Drunken insistence a scribble was legible, really.

all of the support servants of Chaldea (such as Scathach Skadi, Merlin, Waver, etc) decide to go against Gudako because she always overworks them during grinding sessions. It’s up to the writer to decide if they succeed or DIE because of Chen Gong

Raikou and Tiamat fight over who's Guda's mother. End up solving the problem by marrying each other.

The Chaldea mom club learn about the amount of servants in love with Gudako and decide as Gudako's mother(s) that they need figure out who is worthy of taking the masters hand in marriage. Cut to B.B hosting the matchmaking equivalent of America's Got Talent with them prize being to marry Gudako.

let's put beryl in the chen gong cannon

castoria and guda use each other as chew toys and nobody is sure whether or not its a sex thing or not(correct answer is sometimes yeah but not always)

Guda finds out that she has a weight gaining kink/wants to fatten up after spending too much time watching how happy Caesar and Cleopatra are

warhammer 40k tournament at chaldea ,

a few people at chaldea play 2 truths and a lie : here's gudako's list: i run a salamanders army on the Warhammer 40k table top ( true) when i took this job , my main goal was to not die a virgin & by the emperor did i succeed !(true) and i have my coochie pierced ( false)

Chaldea holds a pride parade. Turns out every single servant is queer in some way, at least once modern concepts of gay and bi and trans and whatnot are explained to them, so there's a 100% turnout rate. Somehow nobody saw this coming.

this is a *big* request but with most of his lines being translated now i crave bhima gorging the absolute hell out (wg, stuffing, anything in between)

Smut, Due to the presence of a large number of people who can actually go blow for blow with her in Chaldea, Barghest regularly engages in battle sex. Powerbomb into mating press is a hell of a drug.

Smut, After Morgan tells Gudao to get rid of all his other Berserkers and asserting that she's the only one he'll ever need, he finally puts his foot down and disciplines the former Queen of Fairy Britain. Things don't go quite as planned and naturally, this has unintended (sexy) consequences. Now, Morgan starts causing problems on purpose just so she can be "punished" by Gudao, much to his consternation.

Smut, Gudako gets sent with Mash to Aesc and the threesome is so good that all their traumas vanish, the Lostbelt is fixed, and Queen Morgan has two new Consorts.

gudako convinces castoria to kill gudao so castoria can stay with Gudako. unfortunately castoria and Gudao murder each other, and what will gudako do?

There’s a reason why despite the constant Arts farming, Castoria is still alive: She drinks 10 cups of Monster just to stay awake and alive. Bonus points if her stash of Monster Energy Drinks are stolen or is found.

Arcueid & Kukulkan, ultimate one squad

Smut, Dobryna getting summoned in place of her husband to protect him and then fucking Guda sounds like an ntr plot, so why not write it like one?

Alexander/Iskandar meets Berserker Darius only to realize his ancient rival is nothing like he remembered. Can be played for comedy but I'm imagining more the scene from Sopranos where Tony and Junior meet for the last time

Scheherazade plans for, and goes on a date with, Nitocris. Swaps back and forth between Scheherazade being anxious and hyper-over-planning for every negative contingency and Nitocris comforting her as things go very well actually.

Smut, nitocris says she wants to marry master( which ever one you want) and the other pharaoh/egyptian servants and their partner help her become a good wife in-n-out of bed due to this master pass out the first time they have sex.

Baobhan Sith keeps trying to be a mean girl, but ends up accidentally helping everyone, and gets mad about it. The last straw is when Guda praises her, so she decides, in a fit of impulsiveness, to do the most diabolical thing she can think of doing to Guda; Baobhan Sith steals their first kiss. The only problem is that Guda was actually saving their first kiss for them anyway, so it was all for nothing.

arjuna & junao try out the twin- switch trick , their success in fooling people will depend on the prompt filler

Dinofucker Olgamarie

Join us on our new Chaldea game show, “Justify! That! Atrocity!” Starring featuring guest stars like Gawain, Mordred, Abigail, and many more!

Ereshkigal and Ishtar inherited Rin's dumb Bissexual rizz and end up creating their own harem without even realizing it

chaldea summoning galahad by complete accident. meanwhile, lancelot is FREAKING OUT about this

Berserker Lancelot is always just emitting that freaky growling noise of his due to the chronic pain, and thus is constantly miserable. That is is, until Tomoe Gozen shows him Microsoft Flight Simulator, and the simple happiness overtakes the pain and rage

Smut, Director Olga Marie can't stop masturbating

Smut, Castoria + prostitution. A country girl gotta do what she gotta do all alone in britain yknow.

After Guda is captured by the mages Association so they can transfer their command seals to a more trustful user who will give better use to their army of servants, a servant finds them and begs them to escape, that Chaldea can keep them safe, while Guda begs them to kill them, that way nobody will go after Chaldea and there won't be a risk that these command seals will fall in dangerous hands

the real dobryna already had imposter syndrome due to being just a squishy human while his wife & daughter(s?) are some pretty dang strong monsters. and his wife committing identity theft in order to join chaldea just rubbed salt in the wound. now it's up to the koyan twins to solve their dad's problem , because if they don't , he's gonna run off & elope with gudako.

due to boredom, Castoria tries the Grimace Shake. It is up to the writer to decide if she dies or not from drinking the shake

FGO, again

Rasputin has a skill with a chance to trigger guts, chaldea plays a game and bet how many times they will have to kill Rasputin before he dies

Chaldea ends up summoning Saber Galahad Alter AKA the Cooler Galahad from Fate/Requiem, and Mash ends up experiencing what it's like to have a big brother, while the original Galahad is low-key seething because everyone likes his far more approachable Alter self, including Mash.

Smut, Morgan x Ronald McDonald smut

Gudako and Castoria left too many bite marks on each other just for Oberon to tease them about it.

warhammer 40k tournament at chaldea : you've got gudako with her salamander army, tomoe of all people is running a chaos undivided set up, osakabehime has her Astra Militarum (aka guardsmen) & a back up adeptus mechanicus army, and sei is in possession of some very impressive Ork kitbashes., and then there's morgan spectating ; she currently does not have a good grasp on how to play the game , but she did enjoy painting a few sisters of battle minis with gudako.

locusta finds out that people on the internet call her nasu.

Due to the constant pause in the flow of time due to the world nearly ending and the constant rayshifting that puts their physical body in suspension Guda's mind has aged much faster than their body, so i propose: Mid 40s Guda that still looks like they're is in his early 20s and acts like they're in their 60s

Jing Ke runs out of her monthly supply of booze, and Moriarty has cut her off from the bar due to making a mess last time- leaving her with only one option, Shuten Douji. She starts drinking Shuten’s Oni-wine, and begins developing Oni traits because of it.

Tiamat comforting a character with mommy issues, Raikou, Mordred or Jack would be ideal, but given the amount of tragic backstorys in this franchise, everyone needs some motherly love

Sei Shōnagon called Scheherazade’s summons pokemon once a week ago, and she’s been in an existential crisis ever since, trying to figure out if she needs to collect gym badges or not

Li Shuwen is not allowed to fist his partners anymore :(

[ladynonsense]

Doomed Ship (ARD Alternate Ending)

Remember when I wrote a perfectly nice ending to A Royal Disgrace, where everyone lived happily ever after? Well, by popular request...here’s a different ending entirely. Diverges at chapter 10. The entirety of Perfect Match 1&2 and TRR3 happened between the end of ARD and this fic.

Pairing: Liam x Damien

Rating: M (I guess...fairly suggestive in parts but no smut)

Words: 5854

Damien bounced his phone in his lap anxiously, waiting for permission to turn it back on.

Finally the plane rolled to a stop, and he pushed the power button, still bouncing it nervously as he waited for it to connect to a network and download his messages.

I can’t wait to see you.

I hate that I can’t be there when you land. I’m sending someone to collect you.

You’re going to love Cordonia.

God I’ve missed you. I’ll see you tonight.

He tucked his phone back into his pocket, trying to fight the goofy grin that was determined to take over his face. Visiting the Cordonian royal palace was well outside of his comfort zone, but in a few short hours it was going to be more than worth it.

A familiar face met him at the terminal, holding a sign with “NAZARIO” printed in neat black letters. “Hey, Bastien! Good to see you again.”

Bastien nodded. “Good to see you, Mr. Nazario. I’ve been asked to escort you to the palace.”

He followed him out of the terminal to where his black armoured SUV was waiting. “Can’t say I expected to get the king’s personal bodyguard as my ride.”

Bastien held the door for him before getting into the driver’s seat himself. “Your safety during your visit is of utmost importance to His Majesty.”

He chuckled quietly to himself. This was too weird. He’d been mentally preparing for weeks to walk into Liam’s world, but it still felt surreal to be in a strange country as a guest of the royal family. “So we’re heading straight to the palace?”

“Yes,” Bastien answered. “A room has been prepared for you there.”

“Great.” He pulled out his phone to text Liam.

I’m on my way to the palace.

He stared at the screen nervously waiting for a response.

You’d better be.

Fuck. He bit his lip, ducking down so Bastien wouldn’t see his face in the rearview mirror. His face -- and, for that matter, the rest of him -- couldn’t be trusted not to respond involuntarily when Liam was feeling flirty.

When will I see you?

He saw three little dots appear and then disappear, over and over. Finally…

Soon, Love. I have one more quick meeting and then I’m yours.

His stomach did a little flip. Liam had been calling him that more often lately, and he’d yet to acknowledge it. As much as he cared for him, he couldn’t tell him he loved him, not now. Not when their future...hell, even their present...just seemed impossible.

A “doomed ship,” Kai called it once, when he was being drunk and careless and mean. Damien had to ask Sloane later what that meant. He hated that the words stuck in his brain, coming to mind every time he tried and failed to envision a life with the man he--

Fuck.

He tucked his phone into his pocket, focusing instead on the Cordonian scenery, barely visible through the deeply tinted windows at night. He could see the lights of the palace, now, though. Bathed in warm floodlights, it looked like something out of a fairy tale. For some reason his first thought upon seeing it was to wonder whether he would be able to wear his shoes inside. Were his socks matching today?

Stop being an idiot.

They were met by a porter at the door, who insisted on carrying his one modest carry-on bag to his room for him. The palace corridors were wide and ornately decorated, with oil portraits of past kings and queens adorning the walls. Damien read the names as they walked, none of them ringing any bells until he saw a handsome and stately older man in somewhat more modern dress. King Constantine. Liam’s father, who had been killed in an attack on the palace just a month prior. So many late night conversations, listening quietly as Liam had tried to talk through his feelings, his voice cracking with grief. Trying to fight back the feeling of panic knowing that Liam was the intended target...knowing he was too far away to protect him.

It felt so real now, seeing the portrait here, the date of his death freshly engraved beneath. He could imagine Liam wandering these halls, stopping here to stare, to try to feel a connection to what he lost.

He hoped to see a portrait of Liam next, imagining how regal he would look rendered on canvas like the others. But the next painting he came to was a coastal landscape.

Apparently this hall belonged to the dead kings only.

---------------------------------------------------

Liam sat in his office talking about nothing of any specific importance with the visiting trade minister, focusing all his attention on smiling and making eye contact, keeping up the appearance of a good host.

Internally he chastised himself for not cancelling this meeting outright. Yesterday it had seemed so important to prove to himself that Damien’s visit wouldn’t interfere with his regular schedule. Now it seemed pointless. All he could think about was Damien all alone in his room at the other end of the palace, waiting.

The longer the meeting dragged on, the more his longing morphed into anxiety. Had he made it to his room OK? Had he found something to eat? Was he angry at how long he was having to wait?

“Will you excuse me a minute? I just need to attend to something.” The minister looked on in surprise as Liam stood and left the room, finding Bastien outside the door. “Could you have the kitchen send a meal up to my guest, please? If he hasn’t already requested something himself?”

Bastien nodded. “Anything in particular?”

“Something good. Your favourite. And a bottle of rum.”

“And should I let him know when to expect you?”

Liam glanced down at his watch anxiously. “Soon. I’ll be there before he’s done his meal. In fact, send my meal there as well.”

“Of course, Your Majesty.”

---------------------------------------------------

Damien was beyond relieved when dinner was delivered to his door. He’d just spent 45 minutes trying to figure out what the food situation at the palace was, finally resigning himself to starvation before two plates of ravioli showed up at his door.

Two...that was odd. He wondered if he should wait for Liam to show up, but he was too hungry to hold onto that idea for long.

He was just finishing his meal when he heard another knock at the door.

Liam’s smile on the other side of the door knocked the wind right out of him.

“Hello, Damien.” He stepped forward tentatively, just barely crossing the threshold.

He looked good. As flawless as ever, really, and wearing a dark grey three-piece suit that made him look even more delicious than the last time he’d seen him. He wore stylish reading glasses that caused some sort of short-circuit in Damien’s brain for reasons he couldn’t entirely explain. “Fff-- fuuuu--”

Liam stepped closer, his brow knit with concern. “Are you OK?”

He realized he must look like he was having a stroke. Death by King Liam in a well-cut suit. No more attempts at words. He pulled Liam into the room by his tie, kicking the door shut after him, and pulled his lips against his own roughly.

When they finally broke apart, Liam chuckled warmly. He took off his glasses and tucked them into his jacket pocket. “You smudged them.”

“And I’m gonna crush them if you leave them in there. Take off your jacket.”

“Yes, sir.” He obliged, hanging it carefully in the closet while Damien waited. Liam glanced at him over his shoulder and smirked before slowly removing his vest, then sat in a wingback chair to remove his shoes.

“Take your time, Your Majesty,” Damien groaned.

Liam smiled brightly. “I will, thank you.” He loosened his tie, slipping it over his head and hanging it on the doorknob before slowly making his way back to where Damien stood next to the bed. “Hey,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I missed you.”

Damien swallowed hard, melting against him. “I missed you too. So much. You have no idea.”

“I have some idea.” His kiss was gentle and patient and perfect. For the first time in months, Damien felt warm, safe, secure…home. How did he feel so at home in such a strange, foreign place?

He knew how. “Liam,” he sighed, need creeping into his voice. He sat down on the bed, Liam following him, leaning down over him to kiss him again.

He pushed Damien down, settling down against him, straddling his hips. “Damien, I love you.”

Damien frowned, propping himself up on his elbows. “Liam…”

“I know you’re not ready to say it. And we have a lot to talk about. But I can’t have that conversation without you knowing that I love you. It’s…” his voice cracked briefly with emotion, and he cleared his throat. “It’s important. It’s the most important thing.”

He stared up into Liam’s eyes, speechless. God, he was beautiful. And he did…care about him. So much. But… “Can we table this discussion for the moment? Please?”

“Mmm…” he sat back on his heels, unbuttoning his shirt. “...for a moment.”

---------------------------------------------------

“I don’t know about you,” Liam panted, reluctantly pulling away from Damien’s naked body, “but I really need a drink.”

“Good thing somebody sent up a bottle of rum.” Damien sat up against the ornate headboard, pulling the sheet up to his waist.

Liam grabbed the bottle and poured the smooth amber liquid into two crystal tumblers. “Somebody must be very thoughtful. And probably very handsome.”

“And certainly very humble.” Damien accepted the drink gratefully, meeting Liam’s eyes for a long moment as their fingers brushed. He blushed and looked away.

“You weren’t so bashful a few minutes ago.” Liam settled back into the bed, sliding his legs against Damien’s beneath the sheets. He grinned as Damien closed his eyes and shuddered with pleasure.

“It’s hard to forget that you’re a king here. I mean...in your palace. In your country.”

Liam winced, pulling away from him. “Do you need to forget who I am to want to be with me?”

Damien groaned, reaching out for him, but Liam brushed his hand away. “You know that’s not what I mean.”

“I’m not sure I know what you mean then. You told me you would never want me to abdicate.”

“And I meant it. This is who you are. I get that.”

“But you don’t like it.” His face felt hot. He knew he shouldn’t be getting emotional but...how could he not? Seeing Damien again was intense. Frighteningly intense, having him here, in his real, everyday life. And if he didn’t like it, couldn’t accept it...that hurt. More than he wanted to admit.

He reached out for him again; Liam didn’t have the strength to deny his affection a second time. Damien wrapped his arm around him, pulling him close. “It’s not that. I guess I just...don’t know how I fit in.” He looked like he had more to say, but he went quiet, staring blankly at the wall while his fingers tapped out a nervous rhythm on Liam’s shoulder.

Liam sighed, not sure what to say. “I guess I should let you get some sleep.”

Damien’s hand on his shoulder tightened. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

“That was the idea.”

“I want you to stay. Please.”

It was terribly improper to stay. His guards, at least, would certainly notice. Regina might too. But the thought of just curling up next to Damien and going to sleep was incredibly tempting. “I didn’t bring pyjamas or...anything.”

A wicked grin spread across Damien’s face. “I wasn’t planning on asking you to put clothes on.”

He never was any good at denying Damien what he wanted.

---------------------------------------------------

“Riley?” Damien had been trying to sleep off his jet lag after Liam left in the morning when he was surprised to find his newlywed ex at his door.

“Rise and shine! Were you still sleeping?”

He groaned. “It’s like 3am in New York.”

“Yeah, well.” She threw open the curtains, letting the late morning sunlight stream in. “You’re not in New York; you’re in Cordonia.”

“I noticed.” He pulled his robe tighter around himself. “I’m uh, not dressed.”

“Put some clothes on; I’m taking you to lunch. You’re not going to spend the whole day sulking around waiting for Liam.”

Riley summoned a car for them and took him into the city, dragging him along to various designer boutiques where he gave feedback on all manner of extravagant dresses while avoiding even looking at the menswear that was well beyond his budget.

She eventually got fed up with him and started perusing the menswear herself. “Come on dude, I know you didn’t bring anything nice enough for the ball tonight. Try this on!”

Damien frowned as he took the hangers from her. “I did bring a formal suit, you know. I’ve been to fancy galas before.”

“I guarantee this is nicer than whatever you brought. Liam will love it.”

He ran his thumb over the soft fabric of the shirt she’d picked out. It did look nice. “OK, I’ll try it on.” He went into a change room and looked over the ensemble more closely. A simple black suit, with a black shirt and tie. Nothing too flashy, but...damn. It looked great on him.

Someone knocked on the change room door. “How’s it going in there?” Riley called.

“Great, just...shit.” He looked at the price tag on the suit and nearly fainted. “Riley, there’s no way I can afford this.”

“Shut up and let me see.”

“No, I can’t--”

“It’s my ‘welcome to Cordonia’ present for you, OK? They pay me way too much for this duchess thing anyway.”

Damien sighed, reluctantly stepping out of the change room. “I do love it. You really think it’ll make an impression on Liam? Should I try something...flashier?”

Riley stood back to take him in, grinning. “No...you wearing this will be more than enough to blow him away.”

He couldn’t argue with that. “Do they have a shorter length in the pants? The fit’s a little off.”

“Don’t worry about that one bit,” a man he hadn’t noticed was standing behind him interrupted. “We can take care of any alterations.”

“Oh...great. Thank you.” He stood in front of the mirror as the tailor pinned him in several places he didn’t expect before changing back into the clothes he’d brought.

Riley led him out of the shop and to an open-air cafe selling espresso and gelato. “We’ve got a few hours to kill while they make those alterations. Anything you want to do on your first full day in Cordonia?”

He leaned back in his seat with a contented sigh, enjoying a spoonful of vanilla gelato. “Honestly? A relaxed day with a friend seems perfect.”

She smiled, spooning strawberry sorbet daintily into her mouth. “Sixteen flavours, and you chose vanilla.”

Damien shrugged. “Vanilla’s underrated. It’s delicious.”

“You know, literally the only other person I’ve ever heard say that was Liam.”

Damien didn’t bother trying to hide his wide, goofy grin. “Yeah?”

Riley rolled her eyes. “Yeah. You two are...I don’t know. It’s like you’re soulmates.”

“Can I ask you something serious?” He leaned forward, lowering his voice.

“Yeah...sure.”

“Are you still upset with me for...uh...stealing him?”

Riley let out a sharp bark of laughter but collected herself quickly, giving his hand a squeeze. “No, I’m not upset. I mean...it wasn’t your finest moment, or his. But I was fooling around too, so I can’t exactly stay up on my high horse here.” She fiddled with her wedding band. “I loved Liam, but I think I knew by that point that Drake was the love of my life. I just hope you two can be as happy together as we are.”

Damien gave a small nod, staring at the bottom of his gelato cup. “Right.”

“Do you...not want that?”

He let out a long breath, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess I’m afraid to want something that seems impossible.”

She frowned. “Don’t give up on him.”

---------------------------------------------------

Liam didn’t usually agonize too much over his clothes, but dressing for this particular ball was stressing him out. It was a charity ball, raising money for lung cancer research in honor of his father, so all eyes would be on him even more than usual.

And Damien would be there.

He settled on the royal blue tux, figuring he should stand out without looking too stuffy or superior. Plus, it meant Damien wouldn’t have to fuss with a formal sash when he took it off of him later.

When he got to the ballroom a line of nobles waited in the hall outside to be announced as they entered. He scanned the line quickly, searching for Damien and Riley, but didn’t spot them. Disappointed, he retreated to a corner behind one of his guards and waited to be the last to enter.

“Do you always hide in a dark corner outside your own party?” He looked up to see Damien, standing before him dressed in a beautifully tailored black suit.

“Damien.” He waved his guard off and wrapped his arms around Damien, squeezing him tightly. “Did Riley take good care of you today? I’m sorry I was unavailable. God, you look good.”

He blushed adorably. “Um...thanks. You too. And don’t sweat it; I knew what I was getting into when I came here.” He backed away but gave Liam’s hand a small squeeze before releasing him completely. “Should I stick with her for the rest of the night? I don’t know what to expect in there.”

“Yes. You’ll be seated with her and Drake for the meal. After that, come find me. I want to show you something.”

Damien’s eyebrows shot up.

“That’s not what I want to show you.”

He laughed. “OK, fine. I’ll come find you. I’m going to jump back in line...I’ll see you soon?”

“Absolutely.”

After the speeches, toasts, calls for donations, and finally the meal, Liam started scanning the ballroom for Damien immediately. He found him still seated with Riley and Drake, talking and laughing over drinks. “Mind if I join you?”

“Be our guest, Your Majesty,” Drake said, pulling out a chair for him.

Liam laughed. “What’s with the formality?”

“He’s obsequious when he’s drunk,” Riley answered for him. “And he is most definitely drunk.”

“Guilty as charged,” Drake confirmed with a small hiccup.

Liam laid a hand on his shoulder. “Well, I’m going to take the police officer away before you get yourself into too much trouble, OK?”

Damien rolled his eyes. “I haven’t been a cop in years.”

“Once a narc, always a narc,” Riley teased. “Get out of here.”

Liam led Damien around the edges of the dance floor, disappearing out a side door into the hidden palace courtyard. It was empty other than the guard who followed them out, discreetly turning to face back towards the ballroom.

He pressed Damien up against the wall and kissed him fiercely, letting his hands roam under his jacket and wrap around his back. Months of longing from afar had driven him crazy with lust for this man, and now he had him, finally in his arms.

And then he pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” He panted, still breathless.

Damien looked around nervously. “Shouldn’t we be a little more discreet? After, you know...everything that happened.”

Liam started to close the distance between them, but stopped when he saw Damien’s obvious discomfort. “That was different. I was engaged. You don’t have to be a scandal any more.”

He led him towards the fountain, sitting on the edge. Damien wrung his hands nervously. “What do you mean by that? You want to go public with our relationship? Subject our private lives — my private life — to all that scrutiny?”

Liam felt sick to his stomach. This was not how he wanted the night to go, but this discussion had to happen. “I won’t force you into the spotlight if you’re not comfortable with it. But I can’t stay single forever. I need to start a family for the stability of the crown.”

“Exactly. A family.” The distance between them seemed to keep increasing, like he was slipping away right before his eyes. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you, Liam. You could’ve married Riley...she would’ve been your perfect queen and given you lots of perfect little heirs. I ruined all of that for you.”

“I’m not in love with Riley. I’m in love with you.”

“Stop saying that.”

“No.” He reached out to hold Damien’s trembling hand. “Stop trying to tell me what I want. I want you here. With me.”

“That’s...you know...you know how much you mean to me. But this isn’t what you need. Or what’s expected of you. Or...I mean...I’m not here, with you, I mean I am right now, but…”

“So come live here.”

“Fuck, Liam.”

“Is that not what we’re working towards? I can come to New York maybe once a year. That’s not enough for me. Is it enough to you?”

Damien buried his face in his hands. “No. It’s not.”

“So…” Liam spoke slowly, carefully. “Come live here. Be with me.”

Damien wouldn’t meet his eyes. “You’re not...out.”

There it was. “Is that what you’re worried about?”

“Yes. Don’t act like it’s nothing.”

“I know it’s not nothing, but it’s something I need to do.” He felt shy suddenly, but forced himself to meet Damien’s eyes, which welled up with tears.

“You don’t, though.”

“I...what?”

“Just...don’t, Liam. Just find a nice girl and make her your queen. I’m not worth this. You’re too important, and I’m just…”

“Are you seriously telling me I need to just shut up and pretend to be straight?”

Damien blinked at him, his mouth hanging open in surprise. “Obviously that’s not what I think, but…”

“Yes, it is. You’re the one saying it.”

“I know you should be able to be open about this, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea right now.”

Liam’s head was spinning. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting but...not this. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’ll be heading back inside now.”

“Liam…” Damien stood as if to follow him, but seemed to freeze in place, staring at his shoes.

Liam left.

---------------------------------------------------

Damien was up all night, the mix of stress and jet lag ensuring he had plenty of time to lie around hating himself.

Coming to Cordonia was a mistake, that much was clear. He’d been weak and stupid, wanting to see Liam so badly he’d barely considered what it actually meant for them.

The doomed ship had always been sinking. Coming here had only sped things up.

And now he’d hurt the kindest man he’d ever known, the one most deserving of...fuck...the one he loved. He felt like he might vomit if he weren’t so completely hollow.

He finally fell asleep well after sunrise, pillow over his head to block out the mocking morning sun.

The knocking began what felt like minutes later, although the clock insisted four hours had passed. He tried to ignore it.

“Let me in, idiot!” Riley’s voice called through the door.

With a groan he pulled himself up out of bed. He wrapped himself in his robe and opened the door.

“Dude, you look terrible.” Riley walked right past him, making herself comfortable on top of his unmade bed. “Rough night, I hear.”

He sat next to her, flopping sideways to let his head rest in her lap. “Rough year.”

She ran her hand over his back a few times before tangling her fingers in his hair to massage his scalp. “I’m taking you to lunch, OK? I have a friend I want you to meet.”

Damien sighed and sat back up, his hair wild from Riley’s hands in it. “Does your friend know about Liam dumping me?”

She gave him a sympathetic smile. “We all know, yeah. It was a rough night for him too.”

“Is he OK?”

“He’s supported and loved but no, he’s not OK.” She stood up from the bed, smoothing her dress. “Get dressed. I’ll be right outside the door. Don’t take forever.”

They headed into the city again. It was a beautiful spring day, and the streets were bustling with tourists and weekend markets. They left the car and walked through a few narrow pedestrian-only streets to find a cozy little hole-in-the-wall bakery. Riley secured a small beef-filled pastry for him and a bacon sandwich for herself before they settled at an outdoor table to wait for her friend.

“This is delicious,” Damien marvelled, his mouth still full of warm pastry. “Cordonia’s going to make me fat.”

Riley patted her perfectly lovely tummy. “I’ve gained fifteen pounds. Having my own kitchen staff seemed like such a good opportunity to always have healthy home-cooked meals, but in reality I can’t resist the easy access to pasta.”

“Right? That pasta at the palace was unreal. Liam must be a man of incredible restraint to still look like he does with unlimited access to food like that.”

“Well, he has other vices.”

They both went quiet, the mood suddenly turning awkward. Damien was just finishing up his pastry when a tall figure showed up seemingly out of nowhere, casting a shadow over him. He looked up to see a stern redhead glaring at him with her hands on his hips.

“So what’s so great about this one?” She said, looking only at Riley.

Riley smiled. “Damien, meet Olivia. Olivia, Damien.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Olivia insisted.

“I’m not great,” Damien answered. “I’m just trying to make a graceful exit and I’ll get out of Liam’s life for good, OK? Is that what you want to hear?”

Olivia grabbed a chair from another table and pulled it over, grabbing the half-eaten sandwich out of Riley’s hand as she sat down. “No. Try again.”

“Excuse me?”

“Olivia is one of Liam’s oldest and closest friends,” Riley explained, looking mournfully after her sandwich as Olivia started to devour it. “She’s a little protective.”

She held up a finger while swallowing the last of Riley’s sandwich, then continued. “This one already broke his heart…” Riley blushed a little, hiding her face, “And now I see him all fucked up over another American...what is it with him and Americans? Anyway, the way he was last night…” She slammed her first down on the flimsy metal table, making everyone on the street stop and look at them. “You need to fix it. Today.”

Damien stared at her in shock. “I...um…”

“Damien,” Riley interjected, her voice soft and gentle. “Liam is the most beloved person in this entire country. We’re all…” she gestured at the crowds of people milling about on the streets, “all rooting for him. You say you’ve had a rough year...imagine what it’s been like for him. The responsibility that was thrust on him. All the attempts on his life. Losing his father.” She took a deep breath and let out a sad sigh. “Having the woman he loved leave him for his best friend. These past two months he’s been so strong, and I know it’s because he was leaning on you the whole time. I guess we’re struggling to understand why you held him up for so long only to come here and break his heart.”

“I didn’t...what did he tell you guys? He broke up with me.”

Olivia crossed her arms over her chest, staring him down. He tried to stare back confidently, but she was truly terrifying. “Well, he told us that you resisted any talk of a future together and told him to deny his sexuality and ‘just find a nice girl’.”

“OK well when you say it like that…”

“It sounds fucking terrible?” Riley offered. “If you don’t want to be with him that’s your prerogative, but you don’t get to tell Liam how to live his life.”

“The rules are different for him…” Damien said weakly, “...right?”

Olivia stood up again, looming over him. “He makes the rules. The rest of Cordonia follows his lead. If he wants to stand up and say he’s bisexual and that the rules of succession are going to have to accommodate that fact then, well, that’s a rather personal issue for me and I would be thankful to him for it. How about you?”

“Of course,” he whispered, his face hot with shame. “Of course I want that.”

“Damien,” Riley laid her hand on his arm, her eyes searching his face, “Do you love him?”

He swallowed hard. “So much.”

“Then fix it.”

---------------------------------------------------

Liam was struggling.

He’d hardly slept, spending most of the night surrounded by his friends, drinking scotch but not as much as he wanted to. All day he’d felt like he was sleepwalking through his work, going into meetings with red swollen eyes, being asked countless times if he was feeling OK.

He was most definitely not feeling OK.

Now dinner had arrived, and he was eating alone in his office as usual. But he had no appetite. He pushed the food around on his plate for several minutes before giving up and scraping it into the trash.

Damien was here for two more days, but he might as well be gone already. He made it clear he thought their relationship was a mistake. If he’d known that it would all end so fast, he wouldn’t have spent a second of the past two days away from him. Was that why Damien thought they couldn't be together? Because he’d been too busy with work? He should’ve made more time for him. Stupid. Stupid.

A knock came at his door and he dabbed at his moist eyes with a handkerchief, trying to pull it together before the steward came in to remove his dinner dishes. “Come in!” he called, trying to keep his voice steady.

All the oxygen in the room seemed to disappear as Damien walked into the study. “Hey, Liam.”

“Oh...hi, Damien.” He stood and walked around to the front of his desk. “I didn’t expect you.”

“Yeah...we need to talk.”

“I’m so sorry,” Liam blurted out. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong...I shouldn’t have pushed you harder than you were ready for, and I should’ve made for time for you, and I should’ve visited you, and…”

“Liam, stop.” Damien took a tentative step towards him, reaching out to brush his tear-streaked cheek. “Please don’t apologize.”

“I’m so bad at this,” he stammered. “I don’t know how to date.”

Damien took both of his hands. “I don’t care. I’m in love with you.”

Did he hear that right? “You...what?”

And then Damien’s arms were wrapped tight around him, pulling their bodies flush together as his kiss swallowed Liam’s surprised moan. He brought his hands to Damien’s waist, holding him lightly, afraid to move in case he scared him off somehow. After a long moment Damien broke the kiss, nuzzling his face into Liam’s neck as he caught his breath. “I love you so much, Liam. I don’t want to lose you.”

He was so relieved he was afraid to respond. But… “I don’t want to continue like this. I want to be together for real.”

Damien nodded, leaning back to look him in the eye. “I’ll need some time to wrap up my business at home, but I can come here. I can set up shop here…”

“You can’t. I mean...you can’t be a private investigator here; you’ll be too much of a public figure. I need you to understand that. But I’m sure your skills will be useful to the guard, or the police, or intelligence...we’ll find something, if you want to work. And you can live here, if that’s OK with you. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“OK. We can figure all that out.”

“Yeah?”

He kissed some softly, lovingly. “Yeah.”

“Damien...I want to marry you.”

“Was that a proposal?”

“No. I can do better.”

He kissed him again, each one somehow more perfect than the last. “I can’t imagine anything better than this moment.”

Liam backed him up until his knees hit the back of the couch. “I can.”

---------------------------------------------------

Damien sat snuggled against Liam on the couch in his study, the two of them wrapped up in a blanket that he’d produced from a cabinet. “You spend the night here often?”

Liam nodded, pulling Damien’s face in to rest against his naked chest. “My chambers are a little depressing. Half the time I don’t bother going home.”

“Mmm, I get that. I’ve been known to sleep at the office too.”

“Things are going to be different when you move here.”

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes, listening to the sound of Liam’s heart beating. “Are you nervous?”

He hesitated for a moment. “A little. I’m not entirely sure how people will react.”

“Your friends all seem to know about us already.”

“Yes. My step-mother and the other nobles might not be as open-minded, though.”

“Mmm.” He wrapped his arms tightly around Liam’s waist. “I came out to my family in high school.”

Liam stroked his hair. “How’d that go?”

“Could’ve been worse. My mom said she loved and supported me...and that she was fine with me ‘experimenting’ but hoped that I would marry a woman someday.”

“Ah. So, basically what you said to me last night.”

“I’m so sorry, Liam.”

Liam kissed the top of his head. “I know. And I’m sorry she didn’t entirely get it. Do you think she’ll be disappointed in you now?”

“Oh, no, she’s going to love you.” He hesitated, unsure if he should go on. “I had a really bad time a few years back. I...went through something really traumatic. Left my job. Lost my girlfriend, who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It was rough. And my mother...I couldn’t face her after that relationship ended. I felt like she was going to be so disappointed in me.”

“I’m sorry, Damien.”

“No, it’s...it was just me, letting my own insecurity put up walls. Kai pushed me to reconnect with her recently. I told her about you. I mean, I didn’t tell her who you were, but I told her I’d met somebody. She was happy for me.”

“I can’t wait to meet her.” Liam nudged him to sit up, reaching for his own clothes. “And in that vein...I have an idea how to spend the rest of our day, if you’re up for it.”

Damien reluctantly started to dress himself. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Want to go see the look on your future mother-in-law’s face when I tell her about my boyfriend?”

He chuckled, pulling Liam back in for a quick kiss. “Absolutely.”

Tags: @hustacks @hopefulmoonobject @brightpinkpeppercorn @choiceslife @perriewinklenerdie @pixieferry @nazariobae @zaffrenotes @ritachacha @h3llostrang3r @blackcoffee85 @wannabemc2 @sleepwalkingelite @debramcg1106 @furiousherringoperatortoad @bobasheebaby @sawyeroakleyscowboyhat @jlouise88

[dickwheelie]

real quick before pride month ends I wanna post this thing about jon being bi that i've kind of been trying to write for months now. I think I've finally managed to articulate how I feel about jon being bi and how I feel about being bi, and this is very much a melding of the two. a lot of this is very specific to me and I can only hope other people find it interesting, and maybe some of you out there will share some of my experiences. anyway please enjoy, and happy pride all <3

___________

He supposed that there must have been a part of him, deep down somewhere, that had always known. That was how it worked, wasn't it? Something in his DNA, or a hardwired part of his brain; it must have been in there somewhere, all his life.

But of course, in the world he was raised in, he'd never had much of a chance to investigate that sort of thing. Before he went to uni, all he knew was that men liked women, and women liked men, and there was a small group of people somewhere else, off to the side, who did things differently. A strange, exotic group of people that had nothing to do with him.

Uni had been less of a wake up call and more of a gradual rise to consciousness, a slowly dawning awareness that most of the people around him were, in fact, members of that strange group that did things differently. And they were all perfectly ordinary; not exotic at all. Many of them were like him; they went to the same classes, the same pubs, studied the same subjects. He remembered once, in his first year, speaking to a woman he'd sat next to in class for half a semester and being shocked when she mentioned, off-handedly, that she was trans. All he could think for the rest of class was, I had no idea.

He also remembered the first time he'd ever considered that he, himself, might actually be one of these people who did things differently. The thought had never really crossed his mind, despite the fact that he was surrounded by them, and that he felt at home with them, somehow, more than any other group of friends he'd had before. It was shortly after he'd met Georgie, when they were friends but not yet dating, that she was sitting with him in a pub and pointed out for him all the people in the room she thought were cute. She pointed out a couple men, and then a few women, and then someone whose gender was entirely a mystery to him. And then she'd asked him, what about you? And he had looked around the pub, at all the various types and shapes and colors of people, and he'd pointed out a few women, and a couple men, and a handful of people whose genders were a mystery. It was easy, he realized then. He hadn't even had to think about it. It had been there, somewhere deep down, all along.

He didn't tell Georgie right then, but later, when they were together, he'd confess that that was the moment he'd realized. Georgie laughed, kindly enough, and told him she'd been surprised herself. I hadn't pegged you as queer, she'd said, but when you said it I thought, of course he is. I know how to pick 'em.

Which got at one of his problems, post-realization. He wanted people to know, to be seen as part of that group that was once so strange to him, but for the most part, people just . . . couldn't tell. He dressed a certain way, and spoke a certain way, and though he'd never been the most masculine person in the room nobody ever suspected he was anything but a hundred percent straight.

And it . . . hurt, in a strange way. He'd look around at all of his loud and proud friends and classmates, people who dyed their hair and dressed in fantastical outfits and spoke in particular ways, people who you couldn't mistake for anything but who they were, and he would feel somewhat apart from them. Compared to all of their colors, he felt very grey.

He made attempts at flirting with men, but he had never been very good at that sort of thing and none of them seemed to notice. It didn't help that he knew, no matter how good he got at flirting, there was a part of that scene he'd never really belong in. By then he'd discovered that about himself, too, though strangely it was less of a revelation. He supposed some part of him had always known about that, as well.

His attraction to men, he found, was rarer than women, which might have been why he hadn't noticed it for so many years. It wasn't that he disliked men at all, he just found them harder to trust. With men there were certain expectations, of masculinity, of sexuality, of language, even, that Jon couldn't even begin to fathom. It was just easier, with women. He liked the way they spoke, and how they moved their hands as they talked, and all the various ways they'd wear their hair. He wasn't the sort to kiss many people, but when he did get the chance, he liked that their lips were soft and that they often smelled very fragrant.

Of course there were exceptions to all of these things, but in general, he found he was more comfortable with women. He worried, for a time, that perhaps he had internalized some sort of heteronormativity from his youth, that maybe liking men was just a frightening discovery about himself that he was still trying to process.

But liking men didn't frighten him at all. Maybe some men intimidated him, maybe he didn't feel entirely comfortable with some of them, but the idea of liking them was . . . it was nice. It made him feel sort of warm, when he thought of it. He'd daydream sometimes about kissing someone with a beard, or a larger hand holding his own.

He never got the chance to do anything like that in uni. He wouldn't get the chance for many years. Instead he sat quietly off to the side, in his grey little corner, hoping that someone would see him for who he was. It was, he would be the first to admit, a poor way of going about things, but at the time he wasn't sure what else to do. The idea of changing his wardrobe was already too much for him, let alone marching around with a flag in his hands. He wished there was some kind of secret code, known only by those who were like him.

Then he left uni, and suddenly all the colorful people he'd been surrounded by were gone, and the backdrop of his world felt as grey as he was. And that was fine. He was an adult now, he didn't need reassurance or external validation. It was fine.

He was working in research when he met Tim, and suddenly there was color back in his life. Tim was like the people he'd gone to uni with, loud and proud, with the hair and the clothes and everything else. He began to feel that strange longing again. I'm like you, he wanted to tell Tim, have you noticed? Can't you tell? He said nothing, of course. It would be weird to say something, and probably inappropriate.

But then a day came when Tim just . . . asked him. They were getting drinks with a few other coworkers and Tim leaned over and pointed out the bartender. He's cute, right? he'd asked. Are you into guys?

And he hadn't known it could be that easy. But it was. It was the easiest thing in the world to reply, Yeah, I like men. Women, too. And yes, he is sort of cute.

It was easy, but it felt unbelievably warm to say aloud.

It didn't change anything, not overnight. There was still that underlying greyness he felt, that invisibility, when he was on the train or standing by the copier or ordering from a restaurant. But with Tim, and then Sasha, and much, much later, with Martin, he felt noticed, and known.

He never did end up marching around with a flag, or changing his wardrobe. Instead he carried it with him constantly, in the feeling in his chest when he saw a pin on someone's bag and in the way Martin looked at him and in the way his coworkers laughed when he made dry little jokes about liking only two things.

Which made sense, didn't it? After all it had always been there, deep down. It had always been his. And it wasn't going anywhere.

[curlynerd]

You're Bacon Me Crazy Word Count: 2K Rating: T Summary: "I can like more than one kind of burger, you know!" Or, Dean comes out through complicated burger metaphors. Notes: humor, canon-adjacent, coming out, established Destiel, #pray4Sam

Also read on AO3!

"You're really having two burgers, Dean?" Sam asks in his most smug, most obnoxious "I’m eating kale for lunch" voice. Dean really hates that voice.

Dean straightens his back and spreads his hands out, like the two wrapped burgers, the extra large fries, and the soda with two straws are a majestic bounty. “I’m a growing boy, Sammy."

“Uh-huh,” Sam deadpans. He lifts the takeout lid of his salad and starts carefully drizzling the vinaigrette cup over his bed of leafy greens and grilled chicken. “And you’re definitely not going to bully Cas into splitting them with you? You know he doesn’t need to eat.”

Something tight and anxious curls in Dean’s chest. “No!” he blurts out, realizing a second too late that it’s normal for him to share his food with Cas. Just because he’s been doing it more now that he and Cas are finally together does not mean that it’s weird now.

In response to Dean’s defensiveness, Sam raises a self-righteous eyebrow in sync with his salad-laden fork. “Can he even really taste them? I thought he didn’t like food in angel mode.”

Dean swallows down a multitude of answers. He likes sharing the experience with Cas anyway. He thinks the way his face scrunches up at the molecules is cute. It makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside that an angel -- his angel -- is willing to put up with something so silly and mundane and human as taste-testing different burgers.

He really, really needs to tell Sam the truth about him and Cas. Hell, he’s been trying to for months! But every time the perfect opportunity presents itself, he turns into a fuckin’ coward.

And today definitely is another perfect moment. The conversation has naturally turned to Cas. They’re sitting at a picnic table at the park, with nobody around to overhear Dean spill his guts in the most agonizing and uncomfortable way possible. They’re working a case, so immediately after the conversation Dean can bury himself in research and hunting and not have to deal with Sam’s big, obnoxious “let’s make a huge deal out of this!” puppy dog eyes. And Cas isn’t even here right now to make things more awkward. He’s still checking out the victim at the coroner's office across the street.

Dean tries not to think about what a big baby he’s being by ignoring this golden opportunity. “He just tastes stuff different as an angel. He’s learning how to pick out the nuance.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Because there’s so much nuance to ‘extra cheese’ or ‘hold the tomato.’”

“Oh like you’d know, Mr. Tofu Burger.”

“You’d eat a burger off the floor. Are you really trying to convince me you care about what kind of burger it is?”

Dean huffs and levels an indignant glare at his brother. “I absolutely have a favorite burger.”

“Then why’d you get two different kinds?”

"I can like more than one kind of burger, you know!"

Sam snorts. "That's just an excuse to eat more burgers." He spears a forkful of tomato and spinach with a smug little twinkle in his eye.

"It's so not," Dean insists. He gestures at the two wrapped foil rounds in front of him. “These are two unique burgers that both have their own delicious qualities.”

“Really?” Sam’s expression is so pompous Dean kind of wants to throw a french fry at it. Except that would be a waste of a perfectly good fry.

“Yes ‘really.’ Look--” Dean carefully unwraps his first burger. “This is a pickle burger. And not just any ol’ pickle burger. The best, most amazing, and -- dare I say it? -- sexiest pickle burger in the entire continental US.” He smirks as Sam rolls his eyes. “Now I can tell by that condescending look in your eye, you’re wondering, ‘What the hell is so special about a pickle burger? It’s just pickles!’ But that’s where you’re wrong.” Dean lifts the top bun and points down to the burger, looking almost gleeful at all its toppings. “Fried pickles, pickled red onions, relish…Sour and sweet and crunchy, the perfect compliment to a juicy, meaty burger. And one this big? You’ve gotta have a little something special to handle all this meat.” Sam tilts his head, his mouth twitching like Dean said something embarrassing. Was it waxing poetic about vegetables? Probably. Dean chooses to ignore it.

“Ya know,” he continues, “for the longest time I didn’t think I’d like a pickle burger. For years I’d be at diners and think, ‘...maybe? I dunno. Probably not for me.’” Dean pulls his mouth down into a thoughtful frown and bobs his head to mimic his past thoughts. “And then...I’m not sure, I just figured, why not at least try it? All those burgers I’ve had all over the country; I could at least give it a whirl. And it. Was. Awesome!” Dean gently places the bun back on his burger and gives it a little affectionate pat. “Now I can’t get enough of ‘em.”

Sam's expression does a complicated dance that Dean can't even begin to follow. But it suddenly clears into a look of dawning realization, followed quickly by horrified guilt, before it clamps down entirely.

Weird.

"Well...I can't fault someone for enjoying a good pickle burger," Sam says slowly. He doesn't meet Dean's eye, keeping his gaze down as he delicately stabs at his salad with his fork. He frowns at the cucumber slice he spears and carefully dislodges it from the prongs. "Especially if they really like, uh, pickles?" Sam cringes a little down at his greens. Dean can't blame him. It's a sad looking salad.

"Exactly!" Dean gestures down at the burger. "I'm a meat man and a pickle guy." Sam looks up toward the sky and then down toward the ground below with a sort of pleading desperation. "This is a great burger for me. And don't even get me started on the sauce--"

"Okay!" Sam's voice pitches up several octaves. Dean frowns at him, but before he can ask, Sam takes a deep breath and plasters a warm, understanding smile across his face. "You know what? You're right, Dean. After all this time. All those, uh...burgers. I'm glad you've figured out which one you like best."

"Well, not quite. I mean, this one…" Dean carefully unwraps the second burger. "Is there anything sexier than a breakfast burger?" He practically beams down at the golden-brown bun, the fringes of fried egg drooping over the side, crisp bacon peeking out from under the patty.

"I...I don't know?" Sam has the same terrified expression as when Dean drags him onto ramshackle roller coasters at crappy county fairs. God, he's such a baby about cholesterol.

“Yeah. C’mon, you know they’re great!” Dean says cavalierly, because he’s not going to miss a chance to gloat about the awesome food Sam misses out on with all his salads. “Bacon is, you know, bacon! It’s the best tasting thing in the world! Salty, greasy, crunchy…”

Sam’s brow furrows so deeply it’s like it’s mining for coal, his unfocused eyes searching the empty space between them like he’s trying to figure out the deep, dark mystery of bacon.

Dean rolls his eyes. Of course he wouldn’t understand. The dude eats low sodium turkey bacon. "I know you haven't had good, real bacon in ages--" Sam looks offended. Then confused. Then offended again. "--but trust me, man. It's awesome. When ya got bacon in your burger, it automatically makes the burger a hundred times better. Can’t get enough of it!” Sam groans like he's in pain.

Dean grins and keeps going. “And you’ve gotta admit, a fried egg is a thing of beauty. Give me a good silky, drippy egg all over my burger and I’m a happy guy.” Sam’s nose scrunches up into abject horror. “You get that gorgeous, soft yolk oozing everywhere...It’s creamy and delicious and unctuous and--”

“Dean!” Sam shrieks. He lets his fork fall into his bowl and covers his face with both his hands. His voice is muffled, but it’s definitely a tormented whine. “I know this is a tough topic for you, but can you please just say you’re bi and never use words like ‘unctuous’ again? I’m begging you!”

Dean freezes. “Wh-What?” Did Sam really--? He--? How does he know?!

Sam pops up from his elbows, dragging both hands through his hair as he frees his face from hiding. “I get it, dude. Okay? I get it. I mean...I don’t get it.” He glances down at the two burgers with a perturbed look and holds up his hands in surrender. “But I get it.”

Dean stares at him. “Get what?” he demands. His heart is pounding fast. Bi. Sam knows he’s bi. When did he figure it out?! Why’s he bringing it up now?!

Sam fixes him with a flat look. “The burgers? The...God...bacon sex metaphor? The pickle guy thing? I get it. Please. Please stop talking about eggs like that. I’ll never eat an omelette again!”

Sex metaphors? Pickle guy?! Dean takes a moment to think and...yeah. Yup. He really did say “I’m a pickle guy,” out loud. Wow.

Maybe he should just...roll with it?

Because otherwise Sam is definitely going to mock him for that for the rest of his life, and honestly, coming out is the much better option.

“You got me,” Dean says with a small laugh. He spreads his arms out with a bit of a flourish, and it’s a relief to say it. It feels good. “What can I say? I like all kinds of burgers. And hotdogs. Tacos. Kielbasa...”

“Please stop,” Sam groans, rubbing at his eyes with his hand.

Oh yeah, this is definitely the better option. Dean fell ass-backwards into a conversation he’s been dreading for months, and the only person feeling awkward and miserable here is Sam!

Really it’s a win-win.

Dean grins from ear to ear as he relishes Sam’s mortification. “Hey now, I thought you were supportive! What happened to ‘I’m happy for you and your burgers?’”

“I am happy for you, I just wish this wasn’t happening over lunch…” Sam whines as he drops his hands on the table.

“What’s Sam happy about?” Cas asks, startling the both of them by approaching their picnic table. His eyes are earnest and sincerely curious, which only causes Sam to send a miserable, pleading look his way while shaking his head.

“Sam thinks pickles are gay,” Dean says to Cas with the same sort of smug glee of the teacher’s pet tattling about note passing in class.

Cas scrunches his face in confusion as he sits down beside Dean. “Sam, that’s...nonsensical.”

“That’s what I said!” Dean lies, because the way Sam’s eyebrow is twitching right now is too damn funny. “Wait til you hear what he thinks about bacon.”

Sam drops his face into his hands again. “This is the worst day of my life,” he groans as he massages his temples with his fingers.

Cas furrows his brow at him. “You’ve been to Hell.”

“And I’m still there, apparently!” Sam flings his hand up in exasperation. Cas quietly takes a sip of Dean’s drink, which for some reason just pisses Sam off more.

“You know, you could have just been normal about this. No weird, gross food metaphors. Just--” Sam drops his voice several octaves and bobs his head in a deliberately annoying parody of Dean. “--‘Hey Sam, by the way, I’m bi and totally in love with Cas, no big deal,’ or whatever.”

Dean goes still while Cas tilts his head at the two of them.. “Who says I’m in love with Cas?” Wait. Is that obvious too? Shit, well, looks like he gets to rip two bandaids off today. Thank God for the hilarious panic on Sam's face, because otherwise Dean would be the one freaking out here.

Sam’s eyes go huge, all color draining out of his face. “Oh shit. I didn’t-- I’m sorry, I--”

Dean can only manage to maintain the ruse for a few seconds before he bursts out laughing. “Nah, I’m just messing with you. Where have you been, man? Cas and I have been together for ages. I thought you were the smart one!”

Sam looks like he wants to leap across the picnic table and strangle Dean.

With a glare so sour it could peel paint, Sam snatches Dean’s extra large order of french fries and storms off toward the car to sulk. About three paces away, he stops, turns around, and levels a stern finger at Dean alongside his scowl. “For the record. I’m proud of you. And I’m honored you chose to trust me with this information,” he hisses in a frustrated huff before he spins on his heel and marches away.

Dean wipes a tear from his eye, still chuckling under his breath. Cas stares after Sam in concern.

“Why is he so mad?”

Dean shrugs off the question as he slides the pickle burger in front of Cas and nudges him with his elbow to try it. “Hell if I know. If you ask me, dude needs to have a burger every once in awhile.”

[poisoned-peppermint]

I made dsmp incorrect quotes you wanna see em of course you do here

Bad: *seductively takes off glasses*

Bad: Wow...

Skeppy: *blushes* Haha... what?

Bad: You're really flipping blurry.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Is something burning?

Bad, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

Skeppy: Bad, the toaster is literally on fire.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?

Bad: ...Have you never taken a shower before?

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl....

George: ....

Dream: .....

Sapnap: ......

Bad: ..Who?

Skeppy: That's the thing we don't-

*Everyone stares at Bad

~~~~~~~

*Everyone is giving advice to Sapnap*

Skeppy: It's okay to ask for help.

Dream: You're not a burden.

Bad: Murder is okay.

George: Your feelings matter. 

~~~~~~~

Dream: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Sapnap: This knife is actually a magic wand.

George: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

Bad: *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Skeppy: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

~~~~~~~

Dream: Did you bring Sapnap?

George, gesturing to Skeppy: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Dream: Skeppy? The next best thing would be Bad.

Skeppy: I would be offended, but Bad is freakishly strong.

~~~~~~~

Sapnap: You're a lying piece of shit!

George: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Skeppy: I'm leaving and I'm taking Bad with me!

Dream, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

~~~~~~~

Sapnap: So anyways have y'all seen Bad?

Dream: I think they went in Skeppy's room 'studying'.

George: Doubt that. I heard groans there.

*Meanwhile in Skeppy's room*

Bad & Skeppy, fighting:

~~~~~~~

Bad: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

George: Elephants.

Bad: Blocked.

Dream: Camels.

Bad: Extra blocked.

Sapnap: Donkeys.

Bad: Ultra blocked.

Skeppy: That dick.

Bad: ...Followed.

~~~~~~~

Bad, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away

 ~~~~~~~

Quackity: I’m this close to falling in love with Sapnap.

Karl: Your fingertips are touching.

Quackity: Exactly.

~~~~~~~

Karl: So how’s the food Quackity made?

Sapnap: It's great! Compliments to them.

Karl: *goes to the kitchen*

Karl: You're adorable.

Quackity: *blushes*

~~~~~~~

Bad: Hey guys I just found a new song I really like-

Quackity: Is it about death?

Bad: No.

Sapnap: Is it about drugs?

Karl: Is it about sex?

Bad: NO- it's about happiness and peace and-

Quackity, Sapnap, and Karl:

~~~~~~~

Karl: Made you all playlists!

Karl: Sapnap, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

Karl: Quackity, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Karl: And Bad has the ABBA Gold album. 

~~~~~~~

Karl: I give up. I am so tired.

Bad: Get the emergency supply!

Quackity: *carries Sapnap and places them in front of Karl*

Sapnap: *smiles*

Karl: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

~~~~~~~

Karl: What’s the announcement, Quackity?

Quackity: It’s a lecture. Bad’s gonna tell us everything they know about sex.

Sapnap: It should be an enjoyable 60 seconds. 

 ~~~~~~~

Bad: Sapnap, you'll be working with Quackity and Karl.

Sapnap: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Sapnap: ...Of people on a team.

~~~~~~~

Quackity: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city.

Karl: Well, that was entirely predictable.

Quackity: One of them punched a gang member.

Karl: Sapnap?

Quackity: Bad, actually.

Karl: Oh, that was going to be my second guess. 

 ~~~~~~~

Bad: Alright, which one of us is gonna check outside?

Karl: Not it!

Sapnap: Not it!

Bad: ...Neither one of you are as dumb as you lead on to be.

~~~~~~~

Karl and Sapnap: *making loud, shouty gorilla sounds at each other*

Quackity:

Bad, exasperatedly: We have a guest. 

 ~~~~~~~

Sapnap: I am darkness. I am a power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Karl: A doll.

Quackity: A cinnamon roll.

Bad: A sweetheart.

Sapnap:

Sapnap: ...stop it. 

 ~~~~~~~

Quackity, pointing to the wall: What color is this?

Sapnap: Gray.

Bad: Grey.

Quackity, turning to Karl: Now tell them what color you think it is.

Karl: Dark white.

~~~~~~~

Karl: We need to distract these guys.

Bad: Leave it to me.

Bad: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Sapnap & Quackity: *immediately begin arguing* 

 ~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Bad is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do?

Ant: Punch them in the stomach. Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them.

Quackity: Tackle them!

Puffy: Dump them.

Velvet: Kick them in the shin!

Bad: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!

~~~~~~~

Velvet: Christmas lights?

Bad: Check.

Ant: THermos of hot cocoa?

Bad: Check.

Quackity: Santa suits?

Bad: Check.

Puffy: Shovel?

Bad: Check.

Skeppy: Alibi and bail money?

Bad: Check- wait, WHAT?!

~~~~~~~

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Bad: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Skeppy: ...I did. I broke it.

Bad: No. No you didn't. Velvet?

Velvet: Don't look at me. Look at Ant.

Ant: What?! I didn't break it.

Velvet: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Ant: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Velvet: Suspicious.

Ant: No, it's not!

Quackity: If it matters, probably not, but Puffy was the last one to use it.

Puffy: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Quackity: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Puffy: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Quackity!

Skeppy: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Bad.

Bad: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Quackity: Bad... Gumi's been awfully quiet.

Gumi: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Bad, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Bad: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Bad:

Bad: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here

~~~~~~~

Velvet: How much you wanna bet Bad got a Lap dance from Skeppy?

Ant: If that happend, Quackity can drink free tonight.

Quackity: As much as I love the thought of having free drinks I don't like the idea of Bad receiving a Lap dance from someone other than me.

Velvet: Hey Skeppy, did you give Bad a lap dance?

Skeppy: So what if I did?

Velvet, to Ant: I guess Quackity is drinking free tonight.

Skeppy: Be right back, I'm gonna go cry-

Bad, entering the room: What the muffin??

~~~~~~~

Bad: Skeppy kissed me!

Ant: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Bad: It was unbelievable!

Ant: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Velvet: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Ant, get the wine and unplug the phone. Bad, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Bad: Oh, it ended very well.

Ant: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Velvet: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Bad: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Velvet: Ohh... So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back?

Bad: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.

Ant and Velvet: Ohhh.

*meanwhile*

Skeppy eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them.

Quackity: Tongue?

Skeppy: Yeah.

Puffy: Cool.

~~~~~~~

Bad: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them

 ~~~~~~~

Bad: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FREAKING THREAT.

 ~~~~~~

I will be making a part 2 shortly this is just getting to long

[itsclydebitches]

PFFFF The newest Witcher trailes LITERALLY throws shade! They have the 'Geralt, but you've been such lone wofl so long, what change' and deadass show JASKIER before later shoving Geralt saying 'Yennefer' like a cheap 'no homo!' excuse. I can't. xD Whoever edited it knows what's on. xD

I feel so conflicted about the Jaskier-Geralt relationship in the show because on the one hand, yeah, they're definitely leaning into this non-romance in a way that can get uncomfortable for some, how shall I put this... jaded viewers lol. We know they'll never be canon. No matter what else we might say about Netflix's inability to accurately adapt the books, Geralt/Yennefer has always and will always be endgame, so getting intimacy between Geralt and Jaskier in these particular ways (flirty jokes, bath scene, argument staged like a breakup), while not explicitly queerbaiting, can make viewers feel... icky about it all. Especially for any show-only fans who might not know that Geralt/Yennefer is endgame. Many viewers, particularly American viewers, approach shows as malleable forms of entertainment that can provide them with the representation they crave, provided the fanbase is vocal enough about wanting it. And the more talk that surfaces about major, crucial changes to the plot that reinterpret huge swaths of the books' purpose and intent, the more it can feel like they might just change Geralt's love life too! Even though they (obviously) won't. And frankly shouldn't given that this is supposed to be a faithful adaptation.

Yet on the flipside, the Netflix versions of Jaskier and Geralt don't feel intimate to me at all. Their hostile introduction, Geralt outright punching him, the continued performance of 'I'm a big strong manly man who can't admit that he cares about others,' reducing decades of their bonding to a surprising, throwaway line, that argument when Geralt blames Jaskier for all his problems... it's terrible and I've never liked this dynamic for them (even as I, somewhat hypocritically, play with it in fic). So I'm like, you're intimate enough that fans are starting to side-eye the creators' intentions and yet simultaneously not intimate in any of the ways you should be if you were actually faithful adaptations of the book. And these problems, I believe, go hand-in-hand. By ignoring the actual friendship of the books, Netflix has been forced to "prove" that they care for one another by falling back on tired buddy tropes that, historically, fans have used as evidence for a potential romantic relationship. By not writing Geralt and Jaskier as having the open, witty, philosophical, caring-but-also-taking-no-shit relationship they had in the books, Netflix has fallen back on a dynamic that isn't doing their show any favors. Fans either hate it, or love it to the point where they expect something of the show that the show can never deliver.

So it's a mess! And that mess hasn't done Yennefer any favors either. I'm really not in a position to be defending that pairing - I've never hid that I'm not a Geralt/Yen fan - but whatever the books did that made others love their relationship... I don't think Netflix is capitalizing on that either. In that other ask I brought up how in the games their relationship seems to revolve entirely around Ciri and sex. If they're not talking about their daughter (or if Yen isn't being cruel) their relationship is just about how horny they are for each other, which... isn't really a relationship to me. Or at least, not the deep, "We belong together forever, we're basically soulmates" relationship that the franchise is going for. Same with Netflix. I never liked the foundation of their relationship being an ambiguous wish that tethered them irrevocably and a quickie in the rubble as a replacement for actually getting to know one another... but Netflix takes those aspects and emphasizes them to a disappointing degree.

"You spent a lifetime alone. What changed?"

"Yennefer of Vengerberg."

Yet when it comes time for the trailer to show us what this deep, insightful relationship is that changed a man after an entire lifetime of wandering alone... it's just sex. That's literally all Netflix is able to show us because that's the only meaningful interactions Geralt and Yen have had together. Here's a clip of them falling into bed together and Geralt, without any of that emotional work shown to the viewer, professes that he loves Yennefer the way she's always wanted to be loved.

Here's a clip of the joke we got where Jaskier is gaping over them having sex on the floor post-Yen nearly killing the lot of them.

I'm like... what out of any of this is meant to be appealing to me? Besides the fact that they're both hot as hell? (The casting does make my little bi heart happy lol.) For me, Geralt and Yen are a classic case of a story insisting they're meant for each other because That's Just How Stories Work, without doing any of the actual, you know, work to show us why they like each other, or how they got there, or why these superficial things (the sex is great!) trump the huge hurdles they should be working through. The games might have their flaws, but god bless 'em for letting the characters point out, "Hey... how do we even know this love is real and not just a byproduct of the djinn's wish?"

Geralt and Jaskier, as established, absolutely have their problems in the show, but I can understand why so many fans ship them over Geralt/Yen. And no, though bigotry can play a part, we also can't demonize the entirety of its popularity with, "You just hate women/are racist/creepily obsessed with queer men/whatever the latest accusation is." Rather, the popularity exists because, whatever their faults, it feels like they actually have a relationship in the show. We see them developing together in a way we simply don't get with Yennefer/Geralt and because that development isn't largely reduced to sex scenes—the narrative trying to pass every bonding moment off as True Love, with True Love equaling physical attraction—it comes across (at least to me) as more realistic and believable, especially given Geralt's character, someone who is emotionally closed off. If Vesemir (I think it's Vesemir) asked what changed and we deliberately cut to that moment of Jaskier leaving after Geralt drove him away... I'd more easily believe that yeah, this relationship is causing Geralt to rethink things in a way he hasn't for an entire lifetime. We've seen them travel together, become (begrudging) comrades, defend one another, do favors for each other, tease each other, have a major fight that they'll inevitably make up from, Jaskier is presented as Geralt's first friend, and none of this is tied to a questionable wish, or passed off as the totality of Geralt's development.

The fact that Netflix would include those lines, cut to a legitimately heart-wrenching moment between Geralt and Jaskier, but when it comes times to show his relationship with Yennefer, the most powerful moments are her without him (smashing the mirror, undergoing her transformation, stepping out in her new body for the first time, etc.) and their moments together are just sex—one of which is used partially for comedy—well... that just illustrates the problem for me. What relationship? The one that supposedly exists simply because the story says it's there? I don't think I'll ever be a Geralt/Yen shipper, but I'm perfectly capable of separating my personal preferences from subpar writing choices. Netflix is far into the latter. The way that they're adapting the story is, imo, hurting both fans of the book material and fans who are on the fence about book material. Because so few of these changes are working well, we've lost all the good the books contained and are now stuck with so much new bad. Basically, "No one liked that."

Except, of course, for the Geralt/Jaskier shippers riding the coattails of those tropes... though many will likely be disappointed and hurt by the series' end when they're not made canonical, with others growing frustrated with how the fandom has turned on them simply for liking what they were given. It's really turning into a lose-lose for everyone involved.

[masterweaverx]

So I’d like to open this by saying I’m autistic, and I generally operate on the presumption that I don’t understand anyone--at least, not without some investigation and interaction. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Recently, I’ve seen posts about an interesting paradox regarding representation; a lot of writers want to include XYZ group, but don’t want to risk doing it ‘wrong.’ Thus characters are Gay/Trans/Bi/Jewish/Islam/Black/Whatever and, yet, this is unimportant. Or we have tokenistic characters where being a member of This Group is their defining and, in fact, only character trait. Either too little, or too much. Or maybe they’re background characters, done right except for the part where they don’t affect the plot.

I think there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of representation is influencing this. We’re thinking of the group as archetype--a statue that is All Defined and we put clothes on it and make it move. But... paradoxical as it seems, being a member of a group is but one of many possible character traits. And the thing about character traits is that they affect a character, and through that influence the plot, but they rarely dominate the plot unless the plot is specifically about that character trait.

To take a fantastical and therefore somewhat obvious example: Blake Belladonna, from the Web Show RWBY, has cat ears. This is A Very Big Deal, because fantasy racism and also because she’s good at hearing things. A big part of the plot is her saying “This is how my cat ears affect me, and how having cat ears affects my parents, and how I’m reacting.” But having cat ears is not her only trait--and in fact, they’re not her defining trait.

Blake enters the series having just escaped a psychologically abusive relationship. That affects how she acts around the strangers that will become her new friends, and how she’s afraid her parents will never love her again. She’s also quite well-read, which gives her an interesting conversation with character Ruby Rose at the start of the series about fairy tales and real life. She has a ninja-like combat skill and a samurai-like sense of honor, so in situations that involve protecting others she never gives up (even if she thinks she herself isn’t worthy of love at the start of the series, see abusive relationship). And she wants to make the world a better place for a number of reasons--she’s been hurt by it, she’s hurt the world herself, and it’s just the right thing to do.

All of this, and a few other factors, combine to affect how she acts and reacts to the plot of the series. When the Fantasy Racism comes up, yes, her cat ears are important--but they don’t just snap out of existence when Yang Xiao Long says “Okay, it’s time for me to talk about my abandonment issues!” or when Cinder Fall says “My bad guy contract says I have to be malevolent now.” Blake’s ears let her hear small details, and her treatment because of them has her cautious about who to trust--very, VERY important things to the plot that, nonetheless, aren’t specifically about Cat Ear Racism.

One big example I can think of is her confrontation with her abusive ex, who at this point has just gone straight up Yandere and is blaming her for everything. The scene is not about her having cat ears--in fact, the cat ears are not at all included in all the false accusations he throws out. But, because she can hear something he doesn’t, she’s able to reposition herself and let her partner join in, dramatically shifting the direction of the scene.

The character trait affects the character’s action, and through that influences the plot. It has weight, but it’s not the only trait the character has. This is true for any character trait, no matter how fantastical or realistic.

May Marigold, from the same series, is a transgender woman. And she’s not just there to say “I need my Estrogen pills!” every four hours, but neither is her being transgender just a Neat Factoid You Find In The Manual. It influences her character--pretty clearly in one scene, where she outright states her biological relatives are no longer family--but it doesn’t mean she’s just The Trans Character. And, actually, let’s take her big speech as an example of what I mean.

Weiss: People are dying here, too. Don’t you have family in Atlas?

May: No. Mantle needed me, and to the Marigolds, that meant I wasn’t their son anymore. And I made sure that everyone knew that I wasn’t their daughter. So forget ‘em. They’ve got Henry, yours have Whitley. You get what I’m saying.

Weiss: I don’t know about-

May angrily turns to face Weiss.

May: Which side are you on, anyway?

Blake: We’ve heard that before.

May steps toward Blake to confront her, but Ruby chimes in.

Ruby: There are no sides! We want to help everyone. We’re all facing Salem together. And together is the only way we’re going to get out of it.

May: (sighs) So, how exactly do we get out of it?

As the group ponders their situation, Whitley Schnee can be seen in the hallway eavesdropping on the conversation.

The point of this scene isn’t “May is trans.” It’s that she had a very bad relationship with her biological relatives, to the point where they don’t consider each other family--and that as a result of that, she associated Atlas with all that’s wrong with the world and thinks Weiss should too, since Weiss ostensibly has a similar background. Her being transgender very clearly influences her speech, but it’s not the driving aspect of the plot. In fact, Whitley overhearing this and being compared to Henry (previously established as pretty shallow and horrible) directly causes him to affect the plot by becoming as helpful as he can. This is entirely unrelated to her being transgender, and much more related to her biological relatives being horrible people.

May is, in fact, somewhat in the wrong here--but it’s in character for her to be in the wrong, as she’s basing her choices off her own experiences. That said, she’s also got a sort of ‘cool anger’ in her speech--she’s used to people not getting why she’d be insulted (since not many people would instantly get transgenderism) and so keeps her tone calm even when she’s glaring at Weiss. It’s not until Weiss begins to directly contradict her that she snaps--again, another factor of transgender life is too many people saying ‘You sure? You could be wrong.’ This is all behavior that makes sense for a transgender person, considering their likely experiences, but applied to a subject that is not explicitly about transgenderism--in this case, whether Atlas or Mantle is more important to save from big bad Salem.

Character traits affect the characters, and through them influence the plot. But the character is never just one trait, and the plot is rarely about just one thing. May is an excellent character--she’s snarky, but willing to guide the youngsters, loyal to those who care about others, encouraging and realistic, very much a person who got saddled with too much responsibility in way too short a time and is trying her best. And she’s transgender, and that affects how she acts, both when she’s being great and when she’s slipping up.

If you want to write representation, don’t write The Whatever Character. Write a character that happens to be whatever.

[fandom-sheep]

MCC 18 SEP 21

Yellow Yacks and Cyan Coyotes with a little Aqua Axolotls. Part 1/1

The only reason I didn’t forget MCC was because I got the notification for Eret.

I have Wilbur on my TV. I’m going to watch Eret on my phone. And I’ll have Tommy on my iPad probably.

Wilbur throwing a tantrum and saying he won’t play.

I feel like a true Gen Z member with my multiple screens of minecraft.

I’m only just getting the Wilbur notification.

I love watching everyone run around before MCC and scale things.

Griefing the thumbnail. 😂

Wilbur just causes problems on purpose when it comes to group photos doesn’t he.

He just loves finding ways to cause problems.

Wilbur got a coconut!?!

I didn’t mean to type the question mark originally. But I am a bit confused.

Wilbur just stocking up on coconuts

True friendship is a quote book. I have several.

Baby banana boo.

Wait. I heard the word tumblr

Scott what did you do with tumblr?

I’m scared. Only Eret permitted on tumblr.

I remember watching hole in the wall as a tv show as a kid.

Wilbur’s glasses that don’t do anything.

There are September discounts for subbing?

Neato.

The conversations in my work discord are something else.

Not surprised that Wilbur is going for top swearer of MCC

But my residents are going to walk by my door and judge me.

Alright I apparently wasn’t signed in to twitch on my iPad and it took me entirely too long to learn to remember it.

Tommy looks like he’s really concentrating. Oh wait never mind.

Wow the yaks are in first currently. I might be cheering for a winning team for once.

Alright I have my iPad split screen between Tommy and the MCC website.

Everyone break the elevator!

In the game, not in the building I work. I don’t want that paperwork.

Stick together and place many block.

I’ve been in Wilburs position. “I’ll be captain” “yeah let’s let Wilbur be captain”

Not a single POV I have up is synced. But that’s life.

Oh not starting out strong.

Just keep going. Ignore the falling people just like ranboo last time.

We are at the absolute bottom for this game.

Where’s a bag of popcorn or something?

“Stay down there. That’s how I won that one time” -Ranboo

Down they go.

They didn’t have anywhere to run.

Second round!

Oh that wasn’t their best idea. It was fun seeing Erets POV of that.

Go Teams.

Turning down the volume on yellow yacks to listen to aqua axolotls.

Aqua please. You have so much potential.

Nope.

Switching audio again.

Yellow back at the bottom.

Ranboo ranboo ranboo ranboo

Down he goes. 😂 the timing of that was funny.

Please. Don’t die

Wilbur. Scott. Please.

Scott uncovering the creeper.

Their plan is literally just sit and be.

To be fair that’s my plan for everything I do.

Oh cobwebs are smart.

I’m eating very salty Chick-fil-A chips and need water.

We are still doing ok. Wow.

Cobwebs man. The real MVP.

They are still in 10th

COBWEBS!!! And Wilbur standing on the edge of a block.

THEY WON THAT?!?!!!!

It moved them from last to eight. But still. Wow.

Holy cow. How did that happen.

I always forget what the acronym game is.

Oh yeah. Wilbur snuck and found this. I remember.

Go team!

Oh the website updates faster than the game. But we’re starting off decent.

I’m going to have to take back that statement aren’t I?

Go go go go

Fly fly fly fly

Build build build build

Go Wilbur!

Rafter strat.

Wilbur found the rafters and everyone else loved it.

Blocking his own jump. 😂

I really should do the inside joke chair emoji thing for laughing. But I don’t care.

Tiktok is nice. Depends on the side you are on, but it’s nice.

We are doing halfway decent. I’m proud of us.

Wilbur is struggling and I think he might cry.

Not bad. I don’t think.

Power sweater.

This game in MCC has rainbow road vibes

I’ll have to make that it’s own post since I feel that’ll be popular ish.

Holy cow we hit first on the website!! How?

Ranboo sweet one.

They said no peaking to Wilbur.

Wilbur making them block stuff off and the like is so funny.

Run yaks run!

I missed the moment Wilbur just mentioned. Oh well I’m sure I’ll see the clip.

First last first.

Hey 4th overall. Look at em.

Wilbur switching to full screen to show us his M&Ms.

Let me balance my water bottle on the bedpost above my head. No way this could possibly go wrong in multiple ways.

Double coins. Gorgeous.

Chickens are being sniped.

What’s going to work? TEAM WORK!

I don’t think I have ever watched a game of grid runners in my life?

Alright game should start any second because it started on the website.

Alright stream is delayed about 13 seconds.

Go teams go!

Wilbur just sniping targets.

We’re doing ok.

All this dirt.

Go go go

We’re completing things first.

Cake!

Wilbur got in!

Now they eat

Oh but they are falling.

Oh wow the painting is complicated. My friends and I would fail to communicate so fast.

Is this lever thing just find the button but complicated?

Go you got the levers!

Items grab!

My friends and I would seriously struggle unless I was allowed the lead. But I would lead us off a cliff.

Everyone get ready to go in as soon as the cake is done.

Exit! You guys are so close! Please!

Woohoo!

Go Ranboo! Go Scott!

Come on guys. Come on. Good communication.

I think I like watching Wilbur with MCC because he had a similar strategy to what I would do.

Wilbur why did you try to act cool!!!

They keep saying they are miles ahead but not according to that scoreboard.

You placed 3rd. Good job y’all.

I’m excited for bonuses.

They have another minute until the others run out of time.

Good soup.

Oh wow. Ranboo and Wilbur really are always totgehe.

We are doing well. I see the board changing on the website so much.

Where will they land.

Looks like 2nd or 3rd

Fourth overall. Not bad.

Lap time is logical.

Audience vote?

Look at me redownloading twitter.

Can you not see how others have voted on twitter?

Oh there it is. It only showed mine for a sec there.

Battle box looks close. I voted ace race.

Oh it all looks close right now.

Long break my beloved.

I don’t have time to start my laundry but still. My beloved.

Game 5/8 so MCC won’t be too much longer.

I look up and Wilbur is shaking his ass at George. I’m not surprised.

Phil and Sneeg judging Wilbur.

Wilbur twerking on Phil and Sneeg joining.

Poor Phil.

Wilbur just having visited so many random places with so many random words just gathered.

Oh wow parkour tag is low. But so is sands.

Oh wow it was a tie. Between Sands and Parkour

“Wilbur is Sand Daddy” -Scott and then all the agreement noises.

Sands of Time is my favorite practical game

Maybe because Wilbur is really good at it. And Ranboo had been trained by him.

This is just good.

I swear Sand daddy is going to kill me during this.

I am just going to pass away.

My stream delay though.

Wilbur who says he stays very quiet as he makes circus music noises.

Minecraft Rhinos. Because I can’t spell their real name.

I don’t quite understand sand of time. But I like watching. It’s like college football.

I am missing the only college football game I care about for MCC.

Go Team.

No blue yet.

All the mobs.

“You better not die” sung to the tune of Santa clause is coming yo town. -Wilbur

Keep it up guys.

Oh no. They lost the key.

Oh good they found the key.

You can tell Wilbur had a musicians brain. He just hears something vaguely lyrical and starts singing a song.

Gotta promote your band whenever you can I guess.

I listened to the last Ep for like an hour and a half yesterday while I went about my day.

I wonder how we’re doing?

Only a few seconds.

I could warm a heating pad in the amount fo time they have left.

Ranboo doing these puzzles so amazingly.

Quit caring about what others think. Just do your thing.

I swear the sand daddy thing.

I love the cage of shame for not tracking your sand.

I zoned out. Red cyan orange?

We’re almost 15 minutes into sands.

I want to play Minecraft on my iPad right now.

Wait the website updated. We were 6th?

Yikes. I thought they did better.

3rd overall though!

Wait what was that about most influential improv thingy? Good for them.

Build mart!

Oh Ace Race. Wilbur calling Ace Race his girlfriend now.

I want to see the enemies to lovers fan fictions of Ace race and Wilbur.

Oh wait I can do that. I can verbally tell one like I have others in the past.

I’m excited to watch this.

Wilbur flirt with the race.

I’m not mentally prepared for this.

Everyone just joined because they don’t want to miss Wilbur x Ace Race.

Oh no. He’s not doing so well.

Oh Wilbur is giving us more.

Complicated history…

Whispering to Ace Race and Solidarity.

You’ve got it Wilbur.

Keep on talking. Keep your brain busy while you play.

Mommmm Wilbur is flirting with Ace Race again!

He’s whispering though so I can’t quite hear it and will have to find a clip channel that added subtitles.

Oh teams are changing on the website.

“What are you doing in my women Philza?” -Wilbur

“I will end your bloodline which is canonically also me.” -Wilbur

I can not track all the quotes from this. That’s beyond my abilities.

Wilbur did halfway decent, but it still uncomfortable.

Ace Race is a person now. Also the fact that Wilbur compliments Ace Race so much.

Sally v. Ace Race.

I want to find that fanart now.

Scott honey. Confirmed cannon is everyone fancies the fish.

4th. Not bad.

We’re still talking Ace Race x Wilbur

Build mart! My dearest buildmart!

I miss them sliding around in the sleds.

Grab da flowers!

We’re in 1st at the minute.

Come on yaks!

No coyotes!

Hurry hurry hurry.

Work discord going it’s thing again.

Oh we’re dropping fast.

Move the redstone! Thank you

Alright back on top. Keep it up.

Nevermind.

I love the way the build spaces for the different teams work.

Who is the person on the build?

Oh first again? Nevermind.

Oh we popped up to second. We’re so behind. Come on.

Duck!

Good soup energy. Now all I can think is the bi wide energy song.

Time is running out.

Yeah we aren’t catching up to first. Just hold second.

Where is granite?

Game over.

Third overall now. Not bad. Last game time they can possibly pull it into dodge bolt.

I need to go get a picture with the President of the university for a game with my work.

Good Soup.

I’m sitting here making popcat noises while waiting.

Game time! Go team! Survive!

Wait where did the steamer go? I wasn’t paying attention.

He’s back.

He’s swearing for his points on the swearing list.

Is pee a soup? No. I don’t think it’s think enough under normal circumstances.

Karl is apparently swearing according to Twitter. Good for him. He deserves to swear some as a treat.

Everyone running and leaving shubble.

Oh good they are all together.

Just keep running.

4th so far.

Cars. Beep beep.

Ranboo breath child.

Calling Wilbur like some kind of golden retriever.

Bow boy

Scott is leader now. Because otherwise they are arguing.

We are playing the don’t die strategy.

Come on team.

Did I put my cut in this post? I did.

Ranboo having stolen the airdrop. And he has a thing!

Oh the boarder is right behind them.

They are fighting Dream?

Nice Will.

We’re in fourth.

Boarder is right there.

Sapnap? Nope.

Pink attack and they book it.

Oh no. There goes Wilbur.

Is it just Scott?

Scott vs the world.

Just Organe and pink. They came third.

GO ORANGE!

Please. Please let us do it.

Overall third. Pink overtook yellow.

Sadness.

Ranboo has achieved: Found Hated Game

Ranboo has been hit by Survival games so many times now.

If they had just lasted a tiny bit longer they would have come second.

Cheering Orange I suppose.

I have no skill at picking winner POVs.

I have 3 teams I was at least kinda watching. And none of them are in dodgebolt.

Gosh can hear Ranboo tweaking.

Wow. Yellow yaks just as a team twerking.

What is Wilbur chewing on? Wilbur don’t chew on things that probably aren’t meant to be chewed on.

I can hear the band outside of my window. I think my campuses football game is starting.

The drum line practiced outside my window all the beginning of the semester so it’s fun seeing them march to the stadium.

Oh and there are the cheerleaders.

Oh right I was watching MCC! Who’s winning?

Come on Orange. So close.

Wait I looked out my window. Why is the band walking back to where they were?

Along the sidewalk?

I thought it was game time for a minute.

Oh dodgebolt could go either way.

Distracted by Jesus.

Grian! You got this!

Nice Grian.

Oh Grian has a chance!

Oh!

Oh!

It’s so close!

Ooo ooo!

I’m so invested.

I SEE THE CONFETTI IN THE SITE! But I don’t want to miss the shot.

Come on Grian.

I know you do it. But you’ve got this

YESSSSS

Woo hoo!!

That was a good MCC. Now to do the chores and homework I originally planned to do today.

That was a nice stream.

Scott is separating Ranboo and Wilbur?

Please. Scott.

Don’t separate the beings.

You know. Twitter needs to politely bully Scott into keeping Ranboo and Will together.

Oop and that’s Wilbur done. That was fun.

See y’all next time!

[yikesharringrove]

Oooh spin the usual narrative around and maybe Steve got some really cool tattoos on his back after high school and Billy is just being all sweet on him later and notices them and LOVES them and is all like "ride me and show me" and won't let Steve finish until he describes all his tatts on his back

Smut

-

Billy hadn’t been in Hawkins, Indiana for about three years.

He had fled pretty much as soon as he got that diploma, had packed up his car the night before, tossed his stupid cap and gown in the trunk, and just fucking left.

But here he was, ready to watch Max and the rest of her brats graduate.

He was standing, feeling weird in his best shirt, sweating under the Hawkins sun.

And there was Steve Harrington. Of course he would come for his kids, was probably gonna tear up as they made their way across the stage. He could see Steve’s big hair sitting close to the front, with Henderson’s mom, looking just the same.

He spent the entire ceremony glaring holes in the back of Steve’s head, only looked up when Maxine Elizabeth Mayfield stomped across the stage, rolling her eyes as Susan and Neil made a big to-do somewhere in the crowd.

Then went right back to staring at Harrington.

He looked good.

Like, still looked as hot as he did in high school, but he looked,

he looked like a man.

He had shot stubble along his jaw, and he looked a little more filled out.

He was waiting for Max, standing with her mother off to the side when Steve turned, and noticed Billy.

His eyes went wide, and he began making his way over.

“Jesus, Hargrove. Long time no see.” He pulled Billy into a hug, a tight, sweet good-smelling hug. “You look good, man.” He smiled brightly at Billy.

“Yeah, Harrington. You too.” And he did.

“Hey, uh, all the kids are having a little shindig at The Byers’, I’d love to catch up with you.” He rubbed down Billy’s arm, made him so much fucking hotter than the bright sun.

-

The kids’ party was a nice barbecue in the Byers’ backyard.

They were all running around, getting in food fights and being stupid idiots.

Billy can respect that, the last summer before leaving all your friends.

Billy didn’t really have friends to leave, though. Just kinda, left, one day.

He kept his eyes on Steve the whole time, watched the way he smiled and laughed with the kids, the way his eyes kept flicking back to Billy.

The sun was beginning to set when Steve came over to the stairs Billy was perched on, two beers in hand.

He gave Billy one, settling right next to him.

“So, what have you been up to? Been, what three years?” Billy had left the day he graduated, hopped in his car and didn’t stop ‘till he saw the ocean.

“Moved back home. I’m working at a garage, now.” Steve gave him another nice smile. “Saving up to maybe go to school, or get a house or something.” He shrugged, taking a swig of his beer. “What about you? Got a girlfriend?”

“Ha! No. Not really, dating right now.” A slow grin spread over Billy’s face.

“Just fuckin’?” Steve’s cheeks went red, but he didn’t deny anything. “Yeah, me too, Harrington.”

Steve laughed, pushing at his rolled up shirt sleeve.

It was just under his elbow, and Billy zeroes in on dark black ink winding down to an elegant curl on the side of his elbow.

“Any good stories?” Billy licked over his teeth.

He had stopped pretending in California, didn’t really want to here either.

“Well, I mean, there was this one guy, just absolute maniac. He had this thing about getting caught, so we’d go out to shitty bars, see how long it took before we got kicked out. We got away with a lot at most of ‘em, though.”

He watched Steve carefully, didn’t even see a twitch.

And then,

“Oh, I was kinda seeing a guy like that.” Billy’s brain shorted out. “There’s a gay bar down the block from my place in Chicago, and he’d take me out on the dance floor, and this one night, we just about fucked before someone noticed what we were doin’. It was kinda fun.”

Billy’s mind was racing, pictured pulling Steve onto a crowded dance floor, pushing his hands down his pants, fingering him, letting him rut against his thigh until he cums in his pants.

“So you, you’re gay?”

“Bi, actually. Figured that one out right away after movin’.”

“Yeah? Let your queer little flag fly?”

“It’s been fun.” Steve shrugged. Billy licked his lips, had an idea.

“Y’know, you coulda been havin’ fun way before you moved.” He leaned into Steve’s space, looking at him through his lashes.

Steve’s cheeks went red.

“It’s not too late, is it?” Billy stood up, tugging his keys out of his jeans pocket.

“I got a shitty motel room bed with your name on it, Pretty Boy.” Steve scrambled behind him, tossing himself into the passenger seat of his car.

He grinned at Billy.

-

Billy drove like a bat outta Hell, getting Steve to his motel room as fast as possible.

He led him inside, slamming Steve against the door the minute they got in.

He kissed Steve roughly, licking inside his mouth.

Steve moaned into his mouth, fumbling with the buttons on Billy’s shirt.

Billy pulled him, shoving him onto the bed, taking Steve’s shirt off in turn.

And there was the ink.

It curled down both of Steve’s arms, leading from his back.

“Holy shit.” Billy traced on of the curling tendrils. “Never begged you for a tattoo type.” Steve shrugged, his eyes flicking down to trail over Billy’s body.

“I like it.”

“Can I see?” Steve pushed on him gently, but then he got an idea. “Wait,” he grinned at Steve. “Ride me and let me see them.” Steve smiled devilishly back up at him.

He pushed Billy, swapped their positions.

He was straddling his waist, could feel how hard Billy was underneath him.

“Only if you get me all ready.”

Billy undid Steve’s belt, tearing his khakis open.

Steve sat up, awkwardly wiggling out of them to sit back down, completely naked on Billy’s lap. He took Billy’s hand, kept direct eye contact as he sucked on Billy’s fingers.

He was like a fucking pornstar, his eyes going all dark and sultry as he licked over Billy’s fingers, sucked them into his mouth.

“Jesus, Stevie. You’re so fuckin’ hot.” Steve smirked at him, pulling his fingers out of his mouth with a pop, guiding Billy’s hand around his hips, leaning forward over Billy.

“Go ahead.” Billy jostled him a little closer, rubbing his spit slick fingers over his hole.

He pushed one inside.

Steve’s eyes fluttered closed, and he moaned, so loud and pretty.

“God, wished we had done this years ago.” Billy was now pumping his finger in and out of Steve.

“I was pretty repressed back then. Don’t know if I would’ve done this.” Billy eased in another finger. Steve took him so well.

“Then, glad I got here just in time.”

“Welcome to my slutty phase.” He grinned at Billy, grinding his hips back and forth on his fingers.

Billy spread his fingers, scissoring them open and closed, getting him open. Steve squirmed a little.

“Just like,” he took Billy’s wrist, shoving his fingers in deeper. Billy curled his fingers. “Oh, yeah.” He started tossing his ass back, fucking himself on Billy’s fingers. “Fuck.”

He collapsed forward, burying his face in Billy’s neck.

Billy tried to get a look at the dark ink covering him from neck to upper ass cheek.

“I’m I’m ready.” Steve bat Billy’s hand away, turning around.

He lined up Billy’s cock, sinking down on it.

Billy’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Jesus Christ,” Billy groaned. Steve felt like Heaven.

He looked over his shoulder, tossing him a wry smile. Billy clung to his hips.

“Like what you see?”

The tattoo was beautiful.

It was an intricate monster, tall and skeletal, a face like a flower, opened up with rows and rows of horrible teeth. There appeared to be black smoke coming from behind the monster, delicate furls of something, maybe vines? They climber up Steve’s shoulders, wrapped around his arms.

It shouldn’t have been sexy, staring at this thing while Steve bounced on his cock, but it was Steve bouncing on his cock, tossing his head back and moaning.

“What do you think?”

“I think, you don’t get to cum until I tell you all my thoughts on this art.” Steve moaned loudly. “This fuckin’, fuckin’ monster. Black ink looks real pretty on you, Baby.”

Steve turned again to look over his shoulder.

“Tell me about it.”

“I mean, I shouldn’t be turned on, lookin’ at this thing. It’s like, it’s like it’s screaming at me.” Steve shuddered. Billy didn’t know if it was a good shudder or a bad one. “I can, I can see the saliva in it’s mouth.”

And then Steve stopped, panting heavily.

He pulled off of Billy, turning to face him again.

“Sorry, that’s just, you know, not the best dirty talk material.” Billy grinned at him.

In one swift motion he rolled on top of Steve, slamming his way back inside of him.

“You want good material? You want me to tell you about how often I jerked off to you in high school? Pictured how pretty your lips would look around my cock? Thought about how tight your little hole would be?”

That was apparently the stuff.

Steve’s eyes were wide, his hair wild on the pillow behind him. He was panting shallowly, just accepting what Billy was giving him.

“Thought about taking you all kindsa ways. Thought about bendin’ you over in the showers after P.E. and just fucking you right there, in front of everyone.”

Steve’s back arched beautifully, and his thighs trembled against Billy’s sides as he came, thick white spunk sticking their stomachs together.

“Yeah? That get you going? The idea of people watching, of being made my bitch?”

“Jesus, Billy, I already finished.” His cock gave a flimsy little kick as if proving his point.

“Yeah, now I’m getting myself off.” Steve laughed at him, shifting his hips to let Billy drive in deeper.

“That what get you there? Pining me down? Making me your bitch?” Billy moved a little faster, a little rougher. “Now’s your chance, Tiger. Gimme your cum, ruin me.”

Billy bit down on Steve’s neck, made him yelp as he bucked his hips, cumming inside of him.

He breathed for a minute, rolling off of Steve.

Steve stretched like a cat, wincing slightly.

“Lemme see your art again. Was a little distracted with the sight of my dick in your ass.” Steve laughed, rolling over onto his stomach.

Billy traced the monster’s mouth with light fingers.

“It’s cool.”

“Will Byers drew it. Kind of reminds me to, you know, put the past behind me. I know it’s cheesy but,” he shrugged, trailing off.

“Sometimes cheesy works.” Steve’s cheek was smushed against the pillow as he studied Billy.

“What’s it like being back in Hawkins? Must be weird coming back after being gone.”

“Nah. Nothing’s really changed. Weirder coming in blind that first time.” He traced one of the black vines. “I thought you were in Chicago?”

“I am. Only moved out there about six months ago. Didn’t get into college or anything, so I’ve been working shitty jobs, saving up some money. Thinking about running away some more. Get further away.”

“You’re always welcome in California. I got a pull out couch.” He licked over his teeth. “Or you could share my bed.”

“Are you asking me to give you sex in exchange for a place to stay?”

“You did say you’re in your slutty phase.” Steve laughed, burying his face in the pillow.

“We’ll see if I get desperate enough to get outta here to take you up on that offer.”

“You could drive back with me. Stay for awhile, fly back. See if you like it.”

High school Billy would be creaming in his pants right about now, asking Steve Harrington to run away to California with him.

Steve looked at him, his face unreadable.

“I could go for a little adventure.”

[fandomcolourofmyskin]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you realize that this show is explicitly about the poor, Midwestern white male experience? They lack privilege on multiple levels which the show explores (sa m the janitor, Dean the grunt), and all of the queer issues stem almost directly from the poor white male's low level of self determination/ agency or the perception thereof I'm a poor whitish person from a similar area, and it feels unique to see a poor white show that isn't Roseanne.

Hi nonnie,

I have a lot of things to say in response to your message — which does display ignorance of societal organization across systemic racial lines — but without creating a huge extensive post, here are some crucial points to consider:

- The “poor Midwestern white male experience” does NOT discount the insulated bubble of white privilege that Sam and Dean Winchester occupy, and neither is Supernatural immune from racist narratives and/or racist character implementation (especially ‘cause SPN has predominantly white production crew/writers around the table. Again, any literary narrative or script they conceive can and most likely will be influenced by internalized unconscious white dominance —> white-painted narratives perceived by POC viewers. I mean, scour this blog/google ‘Supernatural and racism’ and you’ll get the picture.)

- Additionally, stating that the show is “explicitly about” the poor Midwestern white male experience is false. Yes, you’re a poor white person from a similar area, and so you believe that, as a white person, the show’s premise reflects your experience. However, your statement doesn’t represent reality. The racial blind spot here is: media consumption by (realities of) white people will not equate to media consumption by (realities of) POC.

As I said here, we cannot talk about other systemic forces like socioeconomic class without addressing race. Race is inherently interweaved into other structural dimensions. It’s why BIPOC (Black Indigenous POC) + POC are: statistically paid less than white employees, unequally treated in terms of job capability, encounter unconscious bias across the hiring market, struggle to find jobs, unable to afford three-story suburban houses, and can never seem to find favour no matter how hard we work.

Reni Eddo-Lodge reiterates what white privilege is. When we say ‘white privilege’, we aren’t referring to white people always having it easy, or living in the lap of material wealth (but economic race disparities are instrinsically linked to material wealth), or lacking suffering, or living in poverty.

White privilege: the unearned set of societal benefits, advantages, and positive attitudes/behaviours bestowed upon white people solely because they are white (because of the pale/white colour of their skin). Claiming that Sam and Dean “lack privilege on multiple levels” perpetuates the continuous erasure of the POC reality, as well as intersectional BI+POC realities (being PoC, queer, and disabled, etc). What’s our reality? We actually lack privilege on multiple levels because of the colour of our skin. Your claim could imply that white privilege isn’t a thing, but it is. Think of white privilege as the air we breathe: it’s there, and we’re surrounded by it, and we breathe it in, yet because air is mostly invisible, some people aren’t always aware of it until you tell ‘em “Hey dude, did you know you’re inhaling oxygen?” The answer would be: “Obviously. Idk why you’re pointing that out - I already know that. You saying I’m dumb?” (lol not too far off from white defensiveness, right?) White people are so used to their privilege that they feel weird, ‘uncomfortable’ and ‘unsafe’ once people of colour point out their privilege. They subconsciously (and consciously) refuse to lose their place at the top. They’ll be offended.

To address your message, specifically — Sam and Dean hold white privilege as white men despite being poor. This is an uncomfortable fact that white SPN audiences must acknowledge.

If translated into real life, Sam and Dean will walk inside a bar and not be suspected of crime at first glance. They won’t look suspicious. They won’t get physically assaulted, shot at, killed, and/or lynched, both by police and fellow white men. They can speak, eat, and behave however they please without getting kicked out. They’ll chase after people they wanna bang or make inappropriate moves without being accused of sexual harrassment; BI+POC are typically falsely accused. (*Bonus Salt incoming* Sam and Dean won’t die permanently on their own show. The BI+PoC allies they have are often killed off to forward their plot and channel white manpain, then embody racist narrative tropes. As an Asian, Kevin Tran’s Stereotypical-Asian presence upset me, and his death further hurt my sensibilities. It did not shock me at all to see yet another Asian character killed off. Again, I must mention the horrible Asian-fetishist-exotificating Busty Asian Beauties, as well. Heck, S8 episode title “What’s Up Tiger Mommy?” was blatantly racist that I can’t believe no one demanded they change the episode premise + Kevin and Linda Tran’s characterizations. JUST KIDDING, of course I know why no one emphasized the issue - there are barely any BI+PoC in the writer’s room. This is why hiring us must become important).

Unfortunately - and unlike your opinion - Supernatural is not “unique” for us BI+PoC fans. It’s a show manned by predominantly white cast/crew that centralizes two white men and their respective narrow realities. We don’t live in a bubble. We’re everywhere. Depict us properly, with cultural/racial sensitivity, in entertainment, media, art forms, and more. Acknowledge our lack of privilege on multiple levels.

We live within a society set up for people of colour to fail. Whiteness is the default, and the privilege intrinsically linked to that ensconces an entire array of political, social, cultural and economic structures advantaging white people while disadvantaging People of Colour.

You’re a poor white person. I’m not, and the likelihood of the white poor person being given an opportunity to escape poverty is statistically MUCH, MUCH higher than the likelihood of poor POC to escape poverty.

[shoezuki]

hmm. I still watch (some) dteam content because it was the first thing that pulled me back to mcyt but honestly I mostly watch sbi and ranboo. but I want to weigh in on the gay jokes as someone who writes dnf (but doesn't want the people themselves to get together)

now, im gonna be honest, I stopped watching them as much around the very beginning. I binged mc manhunt, watched the duel, and then it was pretty much all techno all the time, expanding to the rest of the sbi.

when I started writing dnf was around the time I stopped really watching them. because you're right, the gay jokes are just... too much.

im bi, nb, and friends with a lot of different genders of folks. ive got two "husbands" and some "wives." I make some gay jokes, like, if something is mildly inconvenient its homophobic and do the ooo do i like you, bits. but the difference is those are my friends, and it's in /private/.

also, its not like.... every damn day.

I like the imaginary version of dnf I write because it's a way for me to express and flex my creativity. I have no desire for it to be real and honestly would be like :/ if it ever did because now Twitter will really say that they can't be held responsible for the pandering.

and like, I feel like if they did it every once in a while, id still be annoyed but not so much that id stop watching ya know? when they're all just vibing they can be real fun to watch! but then they push the dnf thing and joke about it so much that I just lose interest.

the dnf i write is wildly out of character and honestly I don't give a shit because it's not really about them. I mean, in one dream is an immortal, is irl dream like that at all? no! and the relationship i write is nothing like their irl one! and im okay with that, I dont want them to be like what im writing! because those versions of their characters are mine. and I write it for fun. not because I want it to happen.

anyway, I just. I write dnf and I guess I think its cute, but only like.... my version of them. like, irl they push the pandering so far its a genuine turn off. im just gonna stay over here in my lane and watch from the sidelines. maybe one day they'll realize they don't need to push dnf to get views. one day -tiny

yo like. i dont Like real person fics. i could never write em. but real thats like the Only way i can envision rpf being written in a like. a way i Get? i respect that shit

i feel theres a Lot of it jus. theres no distinct Boundaries to divide fan content like rpf from the Real, Actual people themselves. i always see stuff getting at fans for over analyzing every dream n george interaction, trying to ‘prove’ they arent straight or some fucked up shit like that. but imo it aint entirely fans faults cuz. of how dteam honest to god are........ i have literally been trying to find a Word that fits it. they’re pandering? monetizing themselves as ‘gay’? using it like a marketing tactic??????? its SOMETHING LIKE THAT 

but like. its such an uncomfortable thing to me. i dont think they should talk about dnf so much and If they say they r ok w such fan content thats Fine but. how they literally indulge in it is gross. 

n like i feel what u say on having those kinda flirty relationships w friends like. i had that So much n i still am flirty as Fuck w friends. a personal favourite is flirting then stopping suddenly to be like ‘wait u gay fr? damb’ its Funny. 

its different w dteam though because a) they have a major platform with millions of people watching them call each other gay as a Joke and b) they are So Obviously using it like. a means of pandering to their audience.

i dont want to call it queerbaiting because like. this is a Different Breed yknow. still wack as fuck but i dont feel that term is appropriate. but Straightup they use ‘being gay’ and gay jokes as a means of getting attention n views and God if they didnt the world would be a sexier place

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[couchpotatoaniki]

The books that you posted about really intrigued me. And the books seemed really cool, I was wondering if you have any book recommendations? For any genre.

:0 Someone's asking me about book recs? This has never happened before I'm scared 😂😂 So, I suppose I should warn you that a lot of these are fantasy. Also, thank you for taking an interest 🥺🥺

This is gonna be loooooong, so continue to read more. Also, all the links are for the Goodreads pages so you could read the blurb and reviews if you're interested. Word of warning though, these are all of my opinions, so if they don't work for you--that's okay. Tastes are fickle :))

Also, if you have any book recommendations for me or want to talk about books, then please feel free to pop in my inbox because I LOVE discussing and getting excited about books.

Books that I've already read:

The School for Good and Evil series by Soman Chainani--there are six books in total (seven if you include the handbook), but this was one I read when I was around 13/14. It's kinda like a fairytale retelling, where there are two schools; one for good and the other evil. It has a lot of references to folktales and discusses the divides between good and evil, girls and boys, and young and old. It's a story about self-discovery and I just love the characters--especially their relationships and dynamics with one another. Netflix is actually making a movie about the first book and it's going to come out sometime in 2022. Hopefully they don't screw it up 😔😔

A Thousand Nights by E. K. Johnson--I know this may not be for everyone, but I love this book. There is a sequel that I haven't gotten around to reading, but this one specifically was one I enjoyed quite a bit. It's like a retelling of the folktale One Thousand and One Nights (commonly known as Arabian Nights) but with more a fantasy twist to it. It's slow-paced, but it has so much meaning behind it. It paints such a beautiful picture in your head with both the imagery but also has a subtle feminist strength to it through its deliberate choice of words and description--not to mention it has a very strong feel to the pre-Islamic Middle East setting as compared to other retellings like The Wrath and the Dawn, which is much more suited to be classed as YA than this (by no means is that derogatory to any of the books, but it's just to explain how they're so different despite being based off the same folktale). Just read it, it's honestly amazing.

The Sin Easter's Daughter series by Melinda Salisbury--Okay, funny story, I actually read the second book, The Sleeping Prince, first by accident. A problem I have with a lot series, is something commonly known as second-book syndrome--as in, I'm not particularly a fan of the second book in a trilogy series. Once I realised my mistake and read the first book, The Sin Eater's Daughter, I found that I wasn't as in love with it as I was the second, so I thought that might've been just because of the way I read it. But when I read the reviews, I realised that a lot of other people thought the same as me despite having read it in order; the second one was more loved than the first. Unfortunately, I haven't read the third book yet, but I feel like The Sleeping Prince was enough to put it on this list. Once again, this is fantasy with tones of the Pied Piper in it, and there is so much more I could say, but again it would be more about the second book than the first so I won't spoil it for ya. But just sayin', if you wanted to read the second book as a stand-alone, you can do since I myself kinda figured out what was going on and filled in the gaps by myself. This is probably because the first and second book follow different characters (and I assume it switches in the third book, but again, I haven't read it).

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller--now, this GODSEND of a book is one that I rate highly. It's based off the Iliad (so it's heavy on the Greek mythology), though it follows Patroclus rather than Achilles throughout the whole book. If you don't know anything about the story, then I won't spoil it--just know that I knew the story of the Iliad and was in this state of dread the entire time 'cAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH FORSHADOWING. All I can say is that I love the dynamic between the two guys and the story is so heartbreakingly beautiful. Bless 'em 😔😔 But a friend of mine found the writing a little bit confusing (she still loves it) since you kinda have to read between the lines--it isn't blunt. Also, one word of advise I'd like to give on good stories, and specifically plot twists, is that the shock factor may occur the first time you read it but what makes a good story or plot twist is the way it makes you feel--it should still be positive no matter how many times you re-read it. Shock factor isn't everything, so when I read this there was no shock factor for me (I knew what was going to happen from me previous knowledge) yet this book still kept me gripped onto it. I didn't loose interest--and that's part of the reason why I love it.

Caraval series by Stephanie Garber--I put this on the list because of the progression within the books, despite it being fast-paced. Book one follows one of the two sisters during the Caraval who is accompanied by a guy and the whole description was very magical--kinda alluding to the magic of Legend himself (the Caraval Master). In it, there is mentions of what kind of world it is, but it doesn’t really get explained until book two, which follows the other sister to find out Legend’s real identity for a certain reason that I won’t disclose ‘cause it’s a spoiler. This expands a lot more about how the present came to be as it was and also explains a little more about the background for the major characters. Although I’m in the early chapters of the third book and so can’t really comment on it, all I can say is that so far, it brings the two stories more together than they were before as it switches viewpoints between the sisters; I feel like that’s also why I don’t hate the second book in this trilogy, because the first one seems more like a prequel to set the scene while the second feels like the beginning of the actual story, and the third would be it’s conclusion. Okay, so, fair warning, there is a lot of metaphors which mix senses (for example, describing an action/emotion as a colour/image/taste) and I understand not everyone likes that writing style, which is completely okay; I just happen to like it.

Daughter of the Pirate King series by Tricia Levenseller--the main girl, I feel, is either a love-or-hate character. Personally, I don't particularly mind her, since she's just fun to read. There are parts where she tells you just how awesome she is but can't show you because she would give her act away (she's pretending to be a prisoner on a ship to steel a map) but if it was in any other scenario, I would despise that. I suppose my plus points would be for how she reacts internally to what she's doing, you see the whole process going on in her mind--and it isn't perfect, mind you, but the fact nothing is perfect makes it better. Though I could see why people would think she was annoying or the romance was very fast-paced (I prefer a slow-burn, but I don't mind this either). One thing I will say is that there are two characters (one in particular) that I love the dynamics of. Also, there's pirates. I don't think I need to explain further on that point.

Books I'm in the middle of reading that seem pretty cool so far:

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black--I'm halfway through this book and so far I'm really enjoying it. The dynamic between the main girl and her nemesis is just unlike many enemies-to-lovers I've ever read (including online) because they just hate each other so much. Like, she's not gonna be seduced by him and get into a really toxic relationship where her feelings are being taken advantage of. She's grown into being smart, she's grown into being skilled, she's not a love-struck idiot that makes impulsive, nonsensical choices. There are two more books after this and apparently it gets better and the main characters find some ground to not be toxic (again, not sure since I haven't read it myself). Now, this is probably going to get me a lot of hate, but I'm not a fan of a certain popular YA author who has a very popular book series that involves fae. I find this a much more likeable alternative since the faerie are not humans with superpowers and pointy ears. There is actual description, actual difference between the humans and the fae, different rules they live by, two examples being that humans can't eat fae food otherwise [redacted] and the other being the fae are immortal (the kind that doesn't age, but can be killed). There's consistency in the world building and the characters are not too overpowered--and this itself just set above all the other faerie books I've read thus far.

Lost Boy by Christina Henry--this is a Peter Pan retelling that I'm still in the first half of the book. Not got much to say except for the characters are even at such a point are distinct with each other (I can already tell that Peter Pan is a Psychotic Asshole™). It's very impactful, but be warned, it's dark and violent too. I mean, when I say Peter Pan is a Psychotic Asshole™, I mean it with every fibre of my being. And it is a very good origin story to Captain Hook, who you begin to empathise with quite a bit even early on within the book. I also like a few other books from the same author since she delves quite a bit into dark fantasy and story-retellings which I personally adore, but I feel like this one is a good starting point. Either this, or The Girl in Red which is Red Riding Hood is bi and goes on a murder-spree.

The Archived by V. E. Schwab--I've actually got a couple of this author's books but I decided to put this one on because so far I'm enjoying it so far. The atmosphere of the story is very eerie and it gives beginning-of-a-horror-movie vibes. So far I haven't really gotten into the whole thing with the love interests, but there is some in there. I just really enjoyed the whole worldbuilding, the setting and feel of the story was awesome, the writing was really good, and I love the little anecdotes that are put in between Mac and Da (her grandfather). Though I can see why the switching from tenses would be confusing for some, I just really liked it. Again, not much to say because I haven't gotten too far into the story, but so far, it's pretty great.

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan--oh boy. Now, this book is one I would recommend so far but it needs to be said that it is hard to read. Not because the writing was bad or the plot was crap--no, the writing is really good and the plot is very interesting. It's hard because of the themes that are being addressed within it. I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, it mentions a LOT of sexual harassment, kidnapping, lack-of consent. However, although there are a few books in which this is romanticised, this is definitely NOT one of them. In fact, you feel really bad for the main character and I even felt like taking a break to come to terms with what was being said or described, but this is a story where the main girl does what she can to fight against it. Usually, I skip past the author's notes at the beginning but lucky I read this one because it gave me an understanding of why this was written--the author had been through a similar situation and wanted to raise awareness for any girls currently going through anything remotely close to this situation. It was nice to see that this was something that was being spoken about and I'm so proud of the author for speaking up about her experiences and encouraging others to speak up as well.

Circe by Madeline Miller--if you've already read Song of Achilles and enjoyed it, this was written by the same author and follows a character called Circe. She is actually a side-character from The Odyssey by Homer, so--again--Greek mythology is heavily present in this. I actually haven't gotten around to reading it but I've been promised that this was amazing, and speaks about feminism and females themselves in a world as patriarchal and oppressive as Ancient Greece (let's be honest, they were extremely sexist)

It's Not About the Burqa by various authors, edited by Mariam Khan--this is the only non-fiction book I have on this list because I don't read non-fiction all that much. Reading books, for me, is escaping from reality so reading this genre is going against the main reason I read in the first place. However, that being said, the topic it discusses is very near and dear to my heart as it is part of my identity, who I am as a person. This book, folks, is about Muslim women. It's a compilation of essays written by said women which each tackle different topics regarding Muslim women, ranging from religious dress, representation, mental health, stereotyping, feminism within Islam, expectations, modesty, sexuality, marriage and divorce, and more. One line that instantly hit me was "When was the last time you heard a Muslim woman speak for herself without a filter?" And I realised it was true--that most of the crap I heard about my own people, my fellow Muslim women, are either from men or non-Muslims or (in many cases) both. Reading these really opened my eyes to how we were actually being treated; how our hijabs were being used as a fashion trend rather than a religious observance; how our communities disapprove of behaviours that deviate from what we're expected to be, and the press and state being oppressive and racist towards us. I knew about most of this stuff but it really put into words (quite literally) how severe it is and had made me realise how some of the things I believed were good (like increased representation of Muslims in advertisement for beauty and fashion) were actually only short-term things at face value (like how barely any of the models or designers are actual Muslims and how the hijab, abaya, and other religious clothing were supposed to show how in Islam a woman is not valued by her physical beauty but for her personality, her intelligence, her love for her religion). This in and of itself is a bit of a rant from my part, but I really want people to read this book and understand our voices and our views from our own mouth than through someone else's interpretation off of some half-assed search on the internet. I would seriously recommend people to read it because it is such an important issue to at least try to understand.

There's so many more book that I've heard a lot of praise from that I have but haven't read yet or don't have and am planning to get in the future when my wallet recovers from me recent spending because boy is it HURT. I'll be posting about them