#eisotraumagenic

[adam-the-fictive]

I swear, some people are allergic to positivity. "Oh no the traumagenic tag is full of pro-endos, I'm so MAD about this!" Dude. Take a chill pill, first off. Second off, plenty of traumagenic systems are pro-endo because they find more of a COMMUNITY in those spaces. There is no contradiction.

Ask me, would we as a traumagenic system rather be in a space full of people who debate and rage against the existence of non-traumagenics and build up an atmosphere of fear of being fakeclaimed? Or in a community with an emphasis on positivity that accepts people for who they claim to be?

Maybe we traumagenics don't know everything about plurality? What happened to live and let live? Maybe we'd rather just talk about our experiences as they are, regardless of whether or not we came from trauma, and bond over the thing we DO have in common--- plurality?

Sorry but the second option sounds more like a community to me. And my system and I will never apologize for choosing it.

If you make your bed in fear, you have to lie in it. If you make your bed in kindness, you'll have a damn good night's sleep.

[eklesia-system]

We've many times seen posts talking about how OSDD/DID is not quirky or fun. But neither is life, inherently. Like any disorder, life is full of its ups and downs and unpleasant experiences. But I believe that when you can look around and find the quirky in it, find the fun in it, that's when health starts to breed.

And for those of you who are highly disordered, lacking communication and/or in constant discord amongst your members, I hope things start to improve for you guys. I hope one day you'll be able to see the beauty past the pain. It is possible to heal. :) -Khaz

[eklesia-system]

All right, we'll bite. -Adam

Hi! I'm Sai, the childhood host. I had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder growing up and I'm about 90% certain that it was the primary cause of our current state of existence. :P

Trigger Warning for anyone who might be set off by some of the following descriptions of my experience with the disorder. I know how OCD can be. If you wanna read about the experience in depth and why we believe it was traumatic and caused our system to form, go ahead and click the "Keep Reading" link. :0

Sooooooo OCD isn't just the "hand washing" disorder. Never was hand washing a part of my experience with OCD.

To my knowledge, OCD is an anxiety disorder comprised of two parts: an Obsession and a Compulsion. The Compulsion is a ritualistic behavior or series of behaviors there to help "soothe" the anxiety brought about by whatever the nagging Obsession is. The Compulsion may relate to the Obsession, or the Compulsion may have no direct correlation to the nature of the Obsession.

In my case, the "Obsession" was with monsters coming to "take me away". The primary soothing Compulsion was symmetry. Specifically, rhythm symmetry. Which is a term I will use to describe the following: All sounds had to be balanced and even between both of my ears, and all sounds had to be to the count of four.

So a typical OCD episode would play out as follows:

-I would see something like a dark hallway or doorway in my vicinity that I had to walk past. -The anxiety would set in along with the intrusive thought that there were monsters in the dark that would come out and drag me into the dark, never to be seen again. -But IF I counted to four FOUR times while walking past the dark doorway, THEN the monsters would not attack. -If the anxiety didn't leave, keep counting to four on count of four until it goes away.

There was also the nightly terror of believing there were monsters in my closet which were kept at bay by playing music while falling asleep. I always tried to fall asleep before the cassette ended, because the tape made a loud "CHUNK" sound which would "wake up" the monsters, who would peek out of the closet to look for what made the noise. If they saw any part of me sticking out of the blankets, they would take me away.

Little me knew these thoughts were intrusive and irrational, but the fear and trauma that came from constantly trying to run and hide from monsters in the dark--- monsters who threatened to take me away from my family and torment me in the darkness forever--- took its toll.

The counting thing had its own issues that built up over the years. Couldn't sit in a room with a ticking clock; they never stopped at 16 ticks. The sound of a pencil hitting the floor only happened once in one ear! Cue the process of trying to replicate the sound identically in both ears, over and over again, becoming increasingly more anxious and upset with each failure to do so.

Even drawing got consumed by the rhythm of four. My favorite childhood OC had three hairs on his head? TOO BAD, he has four now, because I got anxious when I only heard three distinct pencil streaks.

Once I got too old for fears of monsters in the closet the obsession became very vague, like... "Holy cow something really BAD is going to happen if you don't count to four four times, or if you don't scream and shout literally every word to where you're driving your family nuts and damaging your vocal cords!" Very vague, but still terrifying.

I was in a constant and inescapable state of anxiety and fear from the ages of 6 to 8, then had a resurge at the age of 10, and have had a few instances of OCD as an adult. It's a bad mental illness, a really really bad one, and downright NIGHTMARE stuff to deal with as a 6-8 year old.

The screaming incident was the last major OCD episode I had, and I'm pretty certain that Aubrey, the alter who would become Sid and Sleet, split off from this event. Because all of a sudden I had the thought in my head, "We can't go on screaming like this. We can stop this, we just have to ignore everything the OCD tells us to do." I bit down on my lip as hard as possible, squeezed my eyes shut tight, and refused to do anything OCD asked me to do. (Sleet is our resident rebellious type and he hates being told what to do.)

If anyone on the outside told me about the monsters and put that fear into me on a daily basis, it would be considered abuse. But the only thing I can fault my family for is my dad throwing away my OCD meds, despite the fact that they made "the numbers" (my OCD symptoms) go away.

But in the absence of medical help during those traumatic times, I'm grateful that a headmate, whether it was Sleet's predecessor or not, was there to help put a stop to the severity of the symptoms.

I love my system. They really have been there through thick and thin. We got through OCD and junior high (aka hell) together. :> Thanks to everyone in headspace at those times. And thanks for anyone who chose to read this long-ass post.

And thanks OP, for being the first person I've ever seen to talk about trauma stemming from the symptoms of childhood mental illness. Seriously. I'm not sure we would have ever talked about this if not for this post.

-Sai

Since we've seen a couple posts about non normative trauma experiences we want to boost the term eisotrauma and eisotraumagenic

We created them to have a word for the trauma that can occur due to the symptoms of disorders/illness/disability because often these things are extremely traumatic and there isn't a lot of discuss about that.

Being a child whose body is constantly in pain, sometimes severe pain os traumatic; seeing shadows chasing you, hearing voices that berate you, being convinced the world is ending is traumatic; constantly being ill not knowing why or when you will ever feel better is traumatic; seeing graphic images of violence and torture is really fucking traumatic.

If anyone caused the symptoms we had as a kid that would be abuse and undeniably traumatic. Grief and trauma are part of disability and we deserve the space and language to talk about it.

[eklesia-system]

I found a post we really, really related to! I almost liked the post, probably might have even given it a reblog. But the tags revealed the user to be invalidating of people they don't understand. So we didn't interact. :>

Ugh. For real though, this kind of bullshit drives me crazy. We're a general/positivity blog here, but dammit, Sleet, Khaz and I are kind of *foaming at the mouth* to respond to some bad takes and rant about things in this community that we find to be frustrating and nonsensical.

We're considering making a separate blog for that, but right now most of the system is pretty exhausted and in no mood to deal with any ensuing stupidity. I'll respect their wishes, but fuck. Have we got a few things to say.

-Cephas

[curiousitycollective]

Traumagenic origin coining + paired term

Eisogenic/Eisotraumagenic - a term for collectives/systems/plurals or members who feel they formed from the trauma of experiencing symptoms of mental illness or other disabilities such as intrusive thoughts, hallucinations, pain, or seizures.

This term is specifically about the trauma of experiencing the symptoms themselves.

From the ancient greek word εἴσω • (eísō) - inside/within

Eisogenic collectives can present and form in many ways and there isn't one set experience or roles to take, however some collectives may:

Have members whose identities or pasts are connected to symptoms like intrusive thoughts, delusions, or hallucinations in a way that recontextulalizes them. Such as a collective with intrusive thoughts about violence splitting a member that is a soldier or warrier

Have members whose dissociative barriers affect the amount of pain they experience as a way to cope with things such as chronic pain, migraines, or sensory overload

Have dissociative barriers that change how different members experience the same disorders

Roles or the ability to front may be tied to symptoms or recovery from them

Eisogenic and eisotraumagenic mean the same thing however both are equally as valid as some may wish to emphasize the fact that trauma is involved

The paired term is eisotrauma, meaning trauma that happened due to experiencing symptoms of mental illness or other disability.

There's some extra notes on why we wanted to coin these terms under the cut. Also huge shout out to @moonpool-system whose coining of the term nourigenic inspired us and also for giving us tips on how to get started.

We created these terms because as a collective whose been disabled our entire lives and experienced severe mental illness from a young age we wanted a way to refer to the trauma of experiencing psychosis and intrusive thoughts as well as chronic pain.

Our first experience with trauma focussed therapy was about dealing with the trauma that came from experiencing OCD and psychosis, and both of those as well as having experienced chronic pain our entire lives has greatly effected us and our formation

Because these experiences are intrinsic to existing in our body and brain there are many ways healing from and living with it is different from the trauma we experienced from outside our body.

And we've never really had a term to discuss it so we have to awkwardly talk around the gap in language making starting conversations about it much harder. We're hoping that having these terms makes it easier to have conversations about these experiences

[eklesia-system]

INTRO: We Are Eklesia

Updated intro post since our first one is a bit outdated. :0 Hi! We're the Eklesia System, AKA Eklesia. Alternately we've considered "the Mosaic System" so Mosaic is an appropriate name for us too. We collectively use they/them and call ourselves masculine nonbinary.

We're a system of 150-200 members and most of us are fictives or sourced. (Be aware that Adam D does not like being called a fictive due to his source.) Not everyone fronts, but everyone is valued here.

Derek Rex attests to have been one of the first headmates, forming at age 6 alongside JJ. We think we're traumagenic, specifically eisotraumagenic (nontypical trauma that isn't the usual prolonged parental abuse), BUT we may well be mixed origins.

Regardless of our own origins though, we're not ones to discriminate based on system origin. ^o^ Peeps is peeps.

---

Here are our CURRENT most active members (as of December 8, 2024); Host and Co-Host roles constantly change so we will not be indicating these here.

Adam V - Self Confidence, Impulse Holder, Judgment Holder, Emotional Protector (16, he/him) 🌈 @adam-the-fictive

Adam D - Grace, Tasker (18, he/him) 👊

Alpha - Nonhuman (Dog), Connected to Cirros (he/it) 🐶

Archie - Functional Gatekeeper (50s, he/him) 🎩

Bad Wolf - AKA "Warning", Taker of Responsibility (30ish, he/him) ⚠️

Beccs - Body President, System Mom, Primary Spirit Protector (26, she/they) 🏵

Blindeye - Persecutor, Physical Protector (19, he/him) 🙈

Cam - Night Watch (20, he/him) ♠️

Cirros - Endurance, Courage, Guard of Blindeye (18, he/him) 🏷

Derek Rex - Edge, Anger Holder, Trauma Holder (16, he/death) 💀👑

Derek - Logic, Host of Tree Cutters Sidesystem, Persecutor to some (17, he/stone) ☕️

Esau - AKA "Watchful", Fear Holder, Guilt Holder, Trauma Holder (32, he/him) 👀

Kai Breach - Training Gatekeeper (14, he/him) 🍩

Khaz - Caretaker, Self Love, Task Manager, Sexual Protector (23, he/him) 🦋

Les - Emotional Gatekeeper, System Troll /j (16, he/they) 🦎

Luc - Chef, Social Protector, ADHD Holder, Guard of Blindeye (21, he/it) 👽

Phoenix - Primary Memory Holder, System Overseer (16, he/him) 🐓

Puppetmaster - Prankster, Analysis (16, he/him) 🎈

Remy - Emotional Protector and Regulator, System Maintenance, Compassion (15, he/him) 🐙

Rusty - Kindness, Social Protector (20, he/him) 🌓

Sai - Artisan, Observer, Spirit (15, he/him) 🌊

Shadow - Internal Security Chief, Health Manager, Self Control (18, he/him) 🦇

Sibley - Peace, Soother, Median Gatekeeper (15, they/them) ☁️

Sidney/Sid - Truth, Memory Holder (18, he/they/she) ❄️

Skeet - Escapism, Common Sense (16, he/him) 🏁 @skeetposting

Sleet - Anger Holder, Rebellion, Justice, Protector (19, he/him) 🍊

---

Thanks for checking us out. :0 We mostly just reblog stuff that interests us, and talk about whatever we feel like talking about. Usually positive-neutral but there are rants too. Thanks again!

-Eklesia🔱

We have a couple of art blogs to be aware of too: @valarioncy - The Hollow fanworks and human art @cyrokin444 - Our furry and animal art blog (it's sfw :>)

We do commissions!

[eklesia-system]

Hi, I'm Xander, I just got here today.

🌫️- How many people are in your system We're nearing 200. 188 right now. Lots of new people and I'm one of them.

🌊- What's everyone's favorite colors? Someone likes something from every color of the rainbow. I like black.

☂️- Most common fronters? Khaz, Sai, Beccs, Luc, Remy, Sleet, that's the current lineup.

☔- Collective pronouns? They/Them

💦- Everyone's pronouns? Most go by he/him including me. Then you have some she/her, they/them, it/its, any mix of those four, with some neopronouns... death/deathself (Derek), ze/zir (Dizzy), Any pronouns (Edd, Odd, Snowy), fizz/fitz/fitzself (Elixir), he/himb (Hush), that man (the Keeper), the little guy (Kudzu), thei/them (Rakoko), fluff/fluffself (Rascal), wah (Rascal), et/ez/etself (Rouge), my emperor (Sage I), parr/parrself (Sly).

💧- Most common age group? 15-23. Lots of teenagers and young adults. I'm 11 so I'm outside of that bunch.

💨- Do you have any fictives? Yeah, lots. Skeet is the most vocal.

❄️- Are there any romantic relationships in your system? Yeah. The only ones everyone knows about is... Beccs/Khaz and Varian/Brandi.

🌧️- Does anyone have a favorite number? Jordan likes 44, Sai likes 27. That's all I know.

☁️- Are any of your alters neurodivergent? Probably all of us.

🌤️- How many people are LGBTQIA+ Most of us.

☀️- Do you have any non-human alters (including hybrids)? Yes. Sleet did the rundown in another system ask post.

🌈- What are some common hobbies? Drawing, writing, and an enjoyment of music.

🌪️- What is the most liked food between everyone? Pizza.

🔥- Current hyperfixations? A few different stories, miniatures, stuff like that. Creative projects.

☄️- Do you guys have any collective interests? We're all interested in plurality, I guess.

⚡- What is your headspace like? (If you have one) Sleet describes it in the same previous system ask post.

✨- Does anyone have a pet? A few people have spatters they've adopted. Derek has Thunderstruck, Khaz has Gelato, Sai has Nian, and Luc has Snowy.

⭐- Does your system have a name? Eklesia.

💫- Does anyone wanna share something about their source? Feel free to ramble, anyone can answer too! I was sourced from a dream the system was having last night. So was Billy, so I guess he's my sourcemate?

🪐- Most chaotic group? The Tree Cutters and any of the Dereks in general.

🌎- Any demon/angel/god alters? Erik, Noah, and the Ivory Knight are angels. Khaz is sometimes an angel. Coyote prefers the term "diety" and has no interest in being worshiped.

🌙- Who is the oldest? The oldest alters to form are JJ and Derek Rex. The oldest human is a guy who age slides between 18 and 80 (JJ again), and Archie who is in his fifties. There is also Coyote (thousands of years old), the Keeper (he doesn't know or care how old he is), and a guy who is in his 30s but his time period is 2,000ish years ago, so I dunno what to say about him (Aden).

🌓- What type of system are you? Eisotraumagenic, probably.

🌗- (For traumagenic systems only) Are you diagnosed? If yes, was getting one difficult? If not, do you want one & why or why not? We aren't. Some of us think getting one (for OSDD) would be good and some prefer to let our lived experience be what it is. Getting a diagnosis could be risky for job searching too.

🌕- What is your system dynamic (ex, family, friends, complete strangers, etc) Most people are saying it's like a family. I hope it's nothing like mine.

🌻- What's a normal day for you as a system? I dunno, existing? Switches normally happen every hour or few hours or so, right now I'm tired of being out but nobody is switching in yet, sigh. Right now nothing much. Spending time with friends some days.

🌸- How do you keep track of your system? (Members, switches, etc) SimplyPlural. Sai is pretty anal about keeping the fronting and switching times accurate.

🥀- Any childhood things that should've tipped you off to being a system? Hey it's Sai, really quick since I was most active in childhood. Talking to myself and responding to myself, that one time I wrote a story where I talked to someone and they told me something I never would have thought of myself, hearing entire arguments in my head with different voices pitching in... little things like that. Also my lifelong interest in characters who had more than one personality, which I really related to for some reason. Derek and Sleet were those reasons. -Sai

💐- Do you like being a system? Xander again. Looks like we do.

🐚- Do you know any systems IRL? We have a partner system that goes by Sol. They're one of our closest friends and multiple of our alters are dating their alters.

🍄- Do you prefer in-system dating or out-of-system dating? They're saying it depends. Both have their pros and cons.

🍁- What's the most annoying thing about being a system? Not having our own bodies and having to be perceived as whoever or whatever people think the body is. Knowing that nobody would believe me if I told them I was an 11 year old boy unless they already know about this stuff.

🎍- How bad is your amnesia? Darren and Vertex have amnesia the most. Darren needs to be told what's going on and Vertex can black out completely and forget his own name, where he is, everything. Mostly though we just have trouble remembering to do things we need to do and Phoenix keeps track of everyone's memories in real time so the amnesia is usually more emotional, like, "someone else did that, but it wasn't me." That's how I'm able to type all of this out since I'm new.

🌿- Best quote from an alter? "Adam, you're a chicken taco." -Derek

🌳- Do alters have separate accounts for games or do you all share an account? We share. I wish our laptop could run more games, there's only two games on here at all. Thanks for reading, I guess. -Xander

🌫️- How many people are in your system

🌊- What's everyone's favorite colors?

☂️- Most common fronters?

☔- Collective pronouns?

💦- Everyone's pronouns?

💧- Most common age group?

💨- Do you have any fictives?

❄️- Are there any romantic relationships in your system?

🌧️- Does anyone have a favorite number?

☁️- Are any of your alters neurodivergent?

🌤️- How many people are LGBTQIA+

☀️- Do you have any non-human alters (including hybrids)?

🌈- What are some common hobbies?

🌪️- What is the most liked food between everyone?

🔥- Current hyperfixations?

☄️- Do you guys have any collective interests?

⚡- What is your headspace like? (If you have one)

✨- Does anyone have a pet?

⭐- Does your system have a name?

💫- Does anyone wanna share something about their source? Feel free to ramble, anyone can answer too!

🪐- Most chaotic group?

🌎- Any demon/angel/god alters?

🌙- Who is the oldest?

🌓- What type of system are you?

🌗- (For traumagenic systems only) Are you diagnosed? If yes, was getting one difficult? If not, do you want one & why or why not?

🌕- What is your system dynamic (ex, family, friends, complete strangers, etc)

🌻- What's a normal day for you as a system?

🌸- How do you keep track of your system? (Members, switches, etc)

🥀- Any childhood things that should've tipped you off to being a system?

💐- Do you like being a system?

🐚- Do you know any systems IRL?

🍄- Do you prefer in-system dating or out-of-system dating?

🍁- What's the most annoying thing about being a system?

🎍- How bad is your amnesia?

🌿- Best quote from an alter?

🌳- Do alters have separate accounts for games or do you all share an account?

A free to use ask game for systems!

Anti Endo, anti other origin systems, DNI with this post

[curiousitycollective]

Since we've seen a couple posts about non normative trauma experiences we want to boost the term eisotrauma and eisotraumagenic

We created them to have a word for the trauma that can occur due to the symptoms of disorders/illness/disability because often these things are extremely traumatic and there isn't a lot of discuss about that.

Being a child whose body is constantly in pain, sometimes severe pain os traumatic; seeing shadows chasing you, hearing voices that berate you, being convinced the world is ending is traumatic; constantly being ill not knowing why or when you will ever feel better is traumatic; seeing graphic images of violence and torture is really fucking traumatic.

If anyone caused the symptoms we had as a kid that would be abuse and undeniably traumatic. Grief and trauma are part of disability and we deserve the space and language to talk about it.

[eklesia-system]

Reblogging because it fucking happened again. The tags in this one weren't nearly as offensive. But damn is that annoying.

-Khaz

I found a post we really, really related to! I almost liked the post, probably might have even given it a reblog. But the tags revealed the user to be invalidating of people they don't understand. So we didn't interact. :>

Ugh. For real though, this kind of bullshit drives me crazy. We're a general/positivity blog here, but dammit, Sleet, Khaz and I are kind of *foaming at the mouth* to respond to some bad takes and rant about things in this community that we find to be frustrating and nonsensical.

We're considering making a separate blog for that, but right now most of the system is pretty exhausted and in no mood to deal with any ensuing stupidity. I'll respect their wishes, but fuck. Have we got a few things to say.

-Cephas

[paracosmic-gt]

I know this says being a child, but fucking hell, being a 19 year old suffering from severe anxiety and depression to the point of suicidality is not something you just get over and doesn't impact your life anymore. Trauma can happen at any age, it's often thought as adults you should be able to cope easier, but it's not always true (especially if you were traumatised as a child leading you to be more sensitive to retraumatisation). And even with coping skills, terrifying shit happens.

Mental illness can be traumatising and I don't know why more people don't talk about it that way.

- J

Since we've seen a couple posts about non normative trauma experiences we want to boost the term eisotrauma and eisotraumagenic

We created them to have a word for the trauma that can occur due to the symptoms of disorders/illness/disability because often these things are extremely traumatic and there isn't a lot of discuss about that.

Being a child whose body is constantly in pain, sometimes severe pain os traumatic; seeing shadows chasing you, hearing voices that berate you, being convinced the world is ending is traumatic; constantly being ill not knowing why or when you will ever feel better is traumatic; seeing graphic images of violence and torture is really fucking traumatic.

If anyone caused the symptoms we had as a kid that would be abuse and undeniably traumatic. Grief and trauma are part of disability and we deserve the space and language to talk about it.

[eklesia-system]

(annoyed chuckling) Guys. It happened again.

"Are you just gonna reblog this post every time you see a post you relate to that tells people who are just minding their own business existing and not hurting anyone to fuck off, thus causing you to fuck off and not interact with their post either, despite not being endo yourselves?!"

Yes. Yes that is the plan exactly.

-Adam V

I found a post we really, really related to! I almost liked the post, probably might have even given it a reblog. But the tags revealed the user to be invalidating of people they don't understand. So we didn't interact. :>

Ugh. For real though, this kind of bullshit drives me crazy. We're a general/positivity blog here, but dammit, Sleet, Khaz and I are kind of *foaming at the mouth* to respond to some bad takes and rant about things in this community that we find to be frustrating and nonsensical.

We're considering making a separate blog for that, but right now most of the system is pretty exhausted and in no mood to deal with any ensuing stupidity. I'll respect their wishes, but fuck. Have we got a few things to say.

-Cephas

[eklesia-system]

Yeppers, it happened again! And this time it was a very funny image and a joke that ANY SYSTEM with fictives could potentially chuckle at and relate to. Why ruin it by telling a large portion of your community to NOT have a laugh about something you thought to say and show to it that was funny? Endos have fictives too? Hello?

The exclusion even on a meme post that most people are probably just gonna "like" and move on scrolling truly does baffle me. (rubs chin)

(Sorry we haven't been making new posts here recently, we should probably make an update soon. But Adam V's been fronting a lot and is more interested in his own side blog than our main system blog. I'll see if I can whip something up.)

-Khaz

I found a post we really, really related to! I almost liked the post, probably might have even given it a reblog. But the tags revealed the user to be invalidating of people they don't understand. So we didn't interact. :>

Ugh. For real though, this kind of bullshit drives me crazy. We're a general/positivity blog here, but dammit, Sleet, Khaz and I are kind of *foaming at the mouth* to respond to some bad takes and rant about things in this community that we find to be frustrating and nonsensical.

We're considering making a separate blog for that, but right now most of the system is pretty exhausted and in no mood to deal with any ensuing stupidity. I'll respect their wishes, but fuck. Have we got a few things to say.

-Cephas