#edward teach needs therapy

[activevirtues]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV) Rating: Explicit  Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply  Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet  Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Israel Hands, Fang (Our Flag Means Death), Ivan (Our Flag Means Death), Jim Jimenez, Spanish Jackie (Our Flag Means Death), Oluwande Boodhari, Wee John Feeney, Black Pete (Our Flag Means Death), Lucius Spriggs, Frenchie (Our Flag Means Death)  Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 01, Fix-It, Reunions, Angst, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Needs Therapy, Israel Hands is So Done, Pirate Justice, Stede Bonnet Has a Big Dick, Size Kink, Blow Jobs, Come Marking, Possessive Sex, Co-Captains?  Summary: 

“You want us to capture him at Spanish Jackie’s,” Izzy says after a long moment, flat and disbelieving.

“He will face pirate justice,” Blackbeard says darkly. “For his – his many crimes.”

“Boss...” Izzy begins, and now his face is doing something else, and it’s even worse.

“His crimes against piracy, which as I stated just now are many, such as – such as –”

“You could send me to kill him,” Izzy suggests, and it’s almost gentle, which is the absolute worst thing.

“Pirate justice,” Ed hisses, trying for menacing. “Pirate crimes.”

[why-do-you-need-2-know]

I be saying "he's so silly" while he's killing someone with his bare fucking hand

[harrylovesspaezle]

"Ed just asked Archie and Jim to kill each other! Izzy really did a number on him, huh? Poor Ed :("

Yes. Poor Ed. The guy was at his limit after having been heartbroken for weeks and then also being isolated and belittled by Izzy. He literally acted out so horribly so that the crew would kill him. But also poor Izzy, who took all of the shit that Ed wanted to give the crew during the raids, which ended with him becoming disabled for life. Both of them are so fucking traumatized. And they did that to each other. Izzy's harmful behavior was a lot more psychological, and because this is a pirate show it's easy to shrug off the Ed's toe-cutting etc as regular pirate stuff. But both of those things were very traumatizing for the other, and if i'm going to be honest they needed to be removed from each others lives ages ago

[cononeillbreastingboobily]

thinking thoughts

[izzysillyhandsy]

When you've got 1000x more intensity in your murder/suicide scene than in your life partner's death scene you know it was a fucked up relationship

(Stede voice: "I'm not ready to believe that!")

[thescarvedinsect]

Just a random Gentlebeard I drew today.

[larphis]

Baby girls, I made a playlist for my fellow OFMD fans. Some song picks I feel like Ed would cry his heart out to. Let’s pray that this hiatus is soon over because it’s been a hot minute since I’ve actually set down and made a character themed playlist.

I think I might be losing my mind.

Let’s just hope Good Omens season 2 revives the brain cells I’m currently losing.

Altough let’s be real - it’ll probably only make me worse.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

a question for sexy bitches who've been to therapy

of our main "get thee to a mental health professional" trio (stede, ed, and izzy), what kind of therapy do we think they need? cognitive behavioral therapy? dialectal behavioral therapy? psychodynamic therapy? emotion-focused therapy? mindfulness-based therapy? exposure therapy?

[darkfire359]

Today’s character comparison: Ed and Hannibal.

Both:

- Are really into their BF stabbing them

- Offer to run away with their BF, who is tempted but too conflicted, leading to a betrayal/breakup

- Deal with said breakup by attempting to kill / injure basically the entire main cast of the show

- Get chased down afterwards by their BF in a boat that is way too small for the body of water that it’s crossing

- Visibly cry

- Repeatedly make people eat their own body parts

- Make jokes about their cannibalism while at fancy dinner parties

- Love maiming

- Love dressing up really fancily

- Want to help their BF get over their panic attacks and be more comfortable with violence

- Place a huge value on their freedom—but willingly give that up and confine themselves out of love for their BF

- Would probably be interested in opening a restaurant if they were to change professions

One thing I’m hoping for in S2 is for Ed to commit even MORE atrocities, but to continue being really sad and heartbroken the whole time so we continue to just say “aww :(“ even as he’s torturing/murdering people. Ed is honestly much more of a fluffy little meow meow who just needs a hug than Hannibal is, and we all forgave Hannibal for all the shit he pulled, so I’m curious how much worse Ed could get away with.

[showf4ll-media]

I just remembered that last night I had a dream that involved Blackbeard OFMD and I mentioned being his?? Son?? But then I started laughing and someone said I even laugh like him but the laugh registered in my brain as JSCHLATT?? So basically my brain created a dadschlatt Blackbeard OFMD AU just. Because. And I have no idea what to do with that information.

TLDR; I had a dream that Blackbeard was actually Jschlatt and I was his son so now I'm making it everyones problem.

[theyoungeragrippina]

🫶🏻 15 gentlebeard/blackbonnet fic recs

(17 if you squint)

hey legends, in this bittersweet period where a lot of a us are feeling gutted but simultaneously, rebelliously hopeful, i've emerged from my reading den to showcase to you all some of the brilliant talent we have in this fandom! these fics are some of the best of the best, and i hope you love them just as much as i do! <3

they are all complete, do not feature any ongoing steddyhands/edizzy/stizzy, and are above 20k words.

peruse part 1, part 2, and part 3 at your leisure if you want to compare our tastes/devour more fine literature, or check out my masterlist as an ao3 collection.

adrift between the dreaming seas by @dandy-pirate-time

49k, mature, locked

stede lives a cursed life on a moving island, until the monotony of his days is suddenly interrupted by the fearsome kraken.

this was such a fascinating & incredible idea! i love how it manipulates aspects of the original story and transforms them into parts of the cursed island <3 sweet & unique & magical. i want to hug poor stede.

Five Birthdays and a Funeral by @bizarrelittlemew

58k, explicit

"When Ed and Stede's friend groups merge, they meet at a birthday party, and Stede's life is turned upside-down. As they collide again and again, he not only has to figure out what Ed means to him, but what he means to himself."

stede gets to be oblivious and a bit of a silly goose as a treat. also: treasure hunts, lucius is the best, ed has a cat whom i would die for, such a sweet & heartfelt fic. you will be so unbelievably fond of this version of every character.

The Ghost of Frigate Point Lighthouse by @piratecaptainscaptainpirates

53k, explicit

"When history professor Stede Bonnet goes to investigate rumors of a ghost haunting the local lighthouse, he's thrust into a mystery centered around the ghost of one of the most famous pirates of all time."

was SO eager to read this and it did not disappoint!! it has everything - fun, magic, mystery, tired TA lucius, and a lil bit of seduction. good enough that i am worried the author may actually just be a sea witch recollecting events he personally witnessed.

Haunted by @thepirateroo

60k, explicit

"The Kraken is a famous spiritualist, working the music halls of 1920s London to help families communicate with their dead. But Stede Bonnet knows that underneath the fame and illustrious title, Edward Teach works as a ghost hunter, debunking the spirits he makes his living off."

this is, genuinely, in the top 5 fanfics i have read for any fandom EVER. i wouldn't bat an eyelid if i read this exact work as a published novel in a bookstore. the mystery is so good and had me guessing and re-theorising constantly, the characterisation is brilliant, and the emotions are perfect. i cried, i laughed, i felt sick with worry for the characters, and i couldn't stop reading until i was done.

haunt me, then by @hyruling

28k, explicit

"He releases the ropes slowly, barely registering the burn as they slip through his fingers. Then, fallible as Orpheus, turns to meet his ghost."

post s1 fixit fics ily. everyone needs some therapy. really VERY well written and a joy to read.

Homeward Bound by mari_who

51k, explicit

"In the long-ago year 2000, bouncy blonde boy-band member Stede Bonnet is 17-year-old Edward Teach's gay awakening. Decades later, Ed hears a voice he could never forget."

i said 'ohhh no poor ed/stede' so many times while reading this. a lovely exploration of emotion and human connection, and finding yourself when everyone else has always defined who you are on your behalf.

I just need some air by @cuddlytogas

26k, teen

"Stede Bonnet's been having panic attacks for almost as long as he can remember, suffocated by pressure and expectation... When [he] finally takes his life back — divorces Mary, moves to Melbourne, starts his own event management business — things get better, but he's still no good at parties. He still needs some air, even at the very events he's brought to fruition. Meanwhile, Edward Teach, renowned chef and owner of Blackbeard's Catering, is wondering why the newest bigwig in events still hasn't hired him."

zoomed through this faster than lightning mcqueen. such a lovely writing of stede, ed and the whole crew - it feels like there's depth in every character, even background ocs.

also fantastic australia rep (i was jumpscared by mention of the cotton on group) AND i've been to the bar the final scene takes place at!!!! most exciting reading experience of my life.

i'll be your treasure by @monksofthescrew

48k, mature

"Wasn't the Dread Pirate Blackbeard rumored to have a hoard hidden somewhere near Essex? It's a metal detecting AU. They're detectorists. They fall in love."

i LOVE this fic so much it is just,,,, so sweet. stede does self-discovery and is seduced. ed is a bit of a goose and i'm obsessed with him. doug and mary are lovely. alma is so cool and i love her.

+ the sequel! drift o'er the rolling hills, swim through the briny sea (made me cry. btw. doug keeps being the best.)

The Kraken's Sacrifice by @trinityofone

22k, explicit

"Every year, a person is chosen—supposedly at random—to be sacrificed to the Kraken, to quell the sea's worst storms and to stop the taking of ships... Stede discovers that there is much more to the creature than he was led to believe—and that they have a deeper connection than he could have ever dreamed."

i LOVED this okay. it was funny and sweet and gave an interesting spin to the ed-is-the-kraken genre. get both of these boys some self-esteem asap. also comes with art by @avatoh!!!!!

lovers in a dangerous time by @veeagainsttheday

52k, explicit

pacific rim au - "Edward Teach becomes a jaeger pilot, first with Izzy Hands and later with Stede Bonnet. It’s not easy trying to save the world and falling in love with your drift partner…"

made me feel every emotion under the sun, including foaming at the mouth jealous that i don't have a drift partner. absolutely, masterfully written. i've popped this link first since its the fic that focuses on stede & ed, but it was written as a prequel for:

+ catagory five: a shatterdome romance by @owlinaminor (27k, mature), which focuses predominantly on jim & oluwande, and which i also massively recommend reading (first). it's told through lucius' words and made up of journalistic notes and transcriptions, and its really terribly clever. i knew nothing about pacific rim before this, and now i'm really very invested. if i wrote something this fantastic (& creative & wildly unique) i would never shut up about it.

More of the Gravy Basket than of the Grave by @veeagainsttheday

36k, explicit

"Ed and Stede’s ‘unorthodox friendship’ ended four months ago when Stede left Ed without a word after Ed asked him to run away to a parallel universe with him. They’re thrown back together when they’re summoned to perform a supernatural exorcism at the Hillside Hotel during a blizzard."

this has got to be one of the coolest and most creative fics i have ever had the pleasure of reading. genuinely kept me guessing and so so intrigued, PLUS the most sweet stede & ed dynamic!!!

Nothing Missing in My Life by @semisweetshadow

63k, explicit, locked

"Hollywood action star Ed Teach is bored with his celebrity life. Everything changes when he meets Stede, a sweet extra working on the set of his latest film shoot. Stede doesn't know who Ed really is and treats him like a real person and Ed can't help wanting to keep him."

ed plays an action hero called jeff the accountant, and if that's not immediately the greatest synopsis ever idk how else to win you over. hilarious, clever, & so heartfelt. i gasped and said 'oh no' with a hand over my heart nearly as many times as i laughed out loud.

not pickles by smallestchurch

84k, explicit

"Ed's minding his business when the new neighbor's kid comes around holding a human puppet. It's creepy as hell, but as soon as the kid's father rounds the corner, Ed doesn't mind."

i actually feel a bit ill when i think about this fic because i love it so overwhelmingly. there's family, and healing, and good food and friends, and ed teach and louis bonnet become the dynamic duo they always had the potential to be.

Our Fangs Mean Death by @flawedamythyst

87k, teen, locked

"Master Vampire Blackbeard's afterlife is enlivened by the arrival of a new coven in town, lead by the self-styled Gentleman Vampire. Now here's a Master who doesn't mind shaking things up by wearing clothes 300 years out of date, buying a massive gothic mansion for a lair, and leading the most eclectic coven Blackbeard has ever seen."

ridiculously fun. this is the vampire novel/fic i didn't know i needed and i loved every silly second. stede really gets to fulfil his dad-ness. i'm furious i can't join the gentleman vampires coven irl, will just need to embrace the gothic vampire aesthetic in my own life.

Wayfaring by @justkeeptrekkin

35k, explicit

"The downside to being stuck on a desert island is that Stede's not awfully good at adapting. The upside is that he and Ed can finally have some peace and quiet– that is, if Ed ever wakes up from the gunshot wound in his stomach."

the sweetest desert island fic, feat. the cutest piglet in the world, a little bit of pining, a helpful skeleton named dusty, and some of the best & most accurately written stede and ed content ever (imo).

[lucifersresources]

stupid shit said in discord servers part four meme. ft special guests from my dnd party!

edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!  

i never wanna think a cop is funny.

flirty rat man was my nickname in college.

the moon sounds like a fun place to be.

thinking a cop is funny is a gateway drug to being a republican.

today i learned she would punch a seagull.

booty call via shared thoughts.

it's fallen angel math.

i want em gorgeous, awful and bloody.

the fuck did i just read.

i just didn't know what knotting was. i miss those times. i miss five minutes ago.

you're not an edgelord, you're just pathetic.

there will be no butt sniffing in my god fearing house!

wanna see how gay my kindle looks?

i saw a book review titled "unlikely travel companions fight their inner demons" and i just think that's all of us

come to america and we can lay down together with no spoons

sitting in vc with the two of you is probably a bit like couples therapy

i'm not a planner i'm a go with the flow-er

penguins are all non binary, confirmed

the world is a gay penguin waiting to fly

this is a win for the lgbtqa+ community, penguins are gay

new pride mascot just dropped: penguins

it'll be me shoving you in the PIT OF HELL

i'd push my friendguin off an iceberg for money ngl

penguins can accidentally end up in gay relationships

penguins are friends not food

they made weed legal in my state so now all the cop dogs are confused

they always stand there dick to dick

the giraffe wanted a pillow

have you smelt the grass?

like, sure, i am picking fights, but in an affectionate way

well now i'm contractually obligated to fight you

it's like a suburban mom's wet dream

NO ONE EVER TRUSTS WHAT I SAY. THATS LIKE GIVING ME THE NUCLEAR CODES

sure, i'm better than donald trump, BUT LIKE THAT ISNT SAYING MUCH

doe, a deer, a female deer. Die, a long long way to hell -

i know you're a bot but get a grip

the jerking off motion at you is flirting

i hate it when my upper body grippers don't grip.

have you tried the lower grippers?

having to explain my joke makes me want to murder you

don't take my inches away from me, i need all the ones i can get.

nevermind, I'm not an eldritch horror anymore

are you a pretty worm?

i'll airfry a ghost i'm not afraid

kinky. not into that though

gay stuff in the creepy basement causes swollen lips?

*eddie culz voice:* say it out loud.

my brain just imagined Edward Cullen in like a rap outfit

eddie culz before the beat drops: hold on tight spider monkey

but am i a pretty melon?

what is ur secret, thumb

you guys are both bullies, you dont count

i am a hole

not to be a hole about it, but me too.

i am become cheese

mm i'm so edible.

STOP THE LESBIANISM SHES TOO OLD FOR YOU

DON'T LICK MY ASS

i was eating my ass

sometimes it takes a dick to teach

when u don't get a regular boner but a fang boner

he fakes his death a lot

the threat is… unthreatening at best.

i imagined a finger waggle. it’s important.

the ghosts are still in *name* and *name's* head. fucking sick bro.

we see an exorcist fucking freak crawling along the ceiling...

Dora The Explorer: Madre, Pick Me Up I’m Scared Edition

Skel and the eTons make their debut into the world.

YOU GOT NOTHING IN YOUR BRAIN! HOLLOW MAN NO BRAIN!!!!

critique me, writing daddy

it's me and my guiding bolt against the world

humans can’t exactly lick their own assholes

[naranjapetrificada]

RIP Edward Teach you would have loved* DBT workbooks

I didn't anticipate this, but one of the hardest things about trying to write Ed in this longfic has been the years of therapy I have under my belt.

Every time he's about to do something inadvisable I'm just like "oh no honey why" and it makes writing those parts take so much longer. Like I know why, I've been there before, but I'm fortunate enough to have been able to do so much work that our poor baby desperately needs.

*maybe not "loved" so much as "benefited greatly from access to"

[sapphiphilic]

My Completed Big Bang Challenge 2023 —

Title: i looked for happiness, i found you

Author: burberrylou

Artist: Nita

Beta Reader: gentlepanpirate

Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Israel Hands, "Calico" Jack Rackham

Relationship(s): Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet

Rating: Explicit

Additional Tags: Lesbians :), Our Flag Means Death Big Bang 2023, burberrylou's lesbian agenda, 5+1 Things, The Inevitability of Stede Bonnet Falling for Edward Teach, OFMD Big Bang 23, Meet-Cute, First Time, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Art Museums, art gallery dates, Falling In Love, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, Stede Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, POV Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Poetry, Love Poems, here and there, Prose and Poetry, and porn, but who's counting, Semi-Public Sex, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Idiots in Love, Love at First Sight, Basically, Useless Lesbians, Lesbian Sex, Lesbians, POV Lesbian Character, Background Israel Hands/"Calico" Jack Rackham, Recovering Alcoholic Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Therapy, Feel-good, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone are Lesbians, Happy Ending, happy beginning and middle, it's a happy fic man idk, Author is Open to Hearing about Dead Batteries, even though the porn is arguably my tamest yet

Warnings: None

Summary: Recovering alcoholic Ed Teach has always had a knack for poetry—but everything she writes is sad. Her therapist challenges her to write only happy things for six months, and to bring a poem to her session at the end of each month. When she leaves the office that day and heads to her favorite art gallery for some much needed inspiration and some TLC, she meets Stede Bonnet, recently retired workaholic looking for a new purpose. She’s immediately drawn in. This story is broken into six sections, with each section titled for the “happy thing” that Ed writes about each month.

Over the course of these six months, there are six specific days spent with Stede that explore their blossoming relationship—beginning with the day they meet.

Word Count: 20,604

Art Masterpost

Ao3 Story Link

[chocolatepot]

rating: T | words: 4,798 | one-shot

Sweet Damsels, pre-relationship Ed/Stede

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, writing fic is cheaper than therapy, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Stede Bonnet Needs a Hug, Female Stede Bonnet, Female Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Autistic Stede Bonnet, Female Israel Hands, POV Stede Bonnet, POV Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting

She definitely smelled of roses. Ed swallowed. “D’you always shoot first and ask questions later?” “I’ve never fired a gun before,” the woman confided, cheeks getting a little pink. “They really kick back, don’t they? I wasn’t expecting that.” Ed is feeling extremely bored with piracy when she suddenly encounters Stede Bonnet, running away from her marriage (with extensive luggage). Stede, for her part, is uncomfortable in her skin and for the first time, she's found a friend. Something begins.

[space--hobbit]

Hey, so, that thing I was writing? Well, S2 broke me, but more specifically, it broke Ed, and just pretty much turned him into one of my awful exes.

I couldn't write my Steddyhands after that - not with the arc I was doing - but I so loved the bits I had already written.

So I took a section and polished it up as a standalone, and it's here.

Come Unbound Here

Summary: Ed and Izzy have been together forever, in an open marriage, with a strict communication boundary. After a night out and some sudden revelations, Ed struggles to keep the guilt at bay.

Tags: Israel Hands/Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Background Stede Bonnet/Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Trans Israel Hands, Trans Male Character, Canon Disabled Character, Amputee Israel Hands, Israel Hands Gets Therapy, Soft Dom Israel Hands, Service Top Israel Hands, Bratty Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Trans Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Nonbinary Character, Transfeminine Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Needs Therapy, Rope Bondage, Shibari, Daddy Kink, Safeword Use, Panic Attacks, Feminisation, Gender Play, Coming Out, Gender Realisations, Aftercare, Polyamory Negotiations, Cheating, Open/Ambiguous Ending, Author Is Trans, 30-year-long hyper-masculine denial phase over at last but at what cost?