#ed has no idea that stede would not like this btw

[sky-fire-forever]

I shared this in the Canyon server, but

I'm imagining like. Post canon. Ed and Stede are at the inn, Izzy sailed away with the crew. Stede and Ed want something to show their love. Something that binds them together. So they have the idea of tattoos! It's perfect

But after Ed pulls away, Stede's face hurting from the tattoo he's given him, Ed tells him to look in the mirror. And Stede is so excited to see what unique mark Ed will have given him

But then he looks. And he sees just above his cheek. The same X Izzy wore

[bowieandqueen11]

Not Just A Trinket / Izzy Hands Imagine

Request: hi! ur writing is EVERYTHING btw. ur an amazing writer. you mentioned you wanted to write for izzy hands again and i have a request– feel free to ignore if it's not what ur looking for :) maybe izzy hands x reader where the reader has a small gift for him (a little trinket, a beaded crystal bracelet– something they made for him) but they're WAY too anxious to give it to him because they're scared he won't like it so they end up just carrying it around, trying to build up the courage to give it to him pfft

AHHH thank you so much my lovely, that's so sweet of you, and so is this idea!!! :3 Also I know I'm a little early in the timeline mentioning Davy Jones but I like to think of Izzy as a trendsetter ;)

Warning: mentions of fighting/ injury and strong language, some sexual innuendo!

(I do not own OFMD or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @nadsdraws.)

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°

Izzy Hands was beginning to detest feeling like this.

He would rather charge sword first at a horde of raging Englishmen: would prefer to scrabble and scrape and scratch through the eye sockets of thousands of the Spanish with naught but his bloodied fingernails. Hell, even grovelling under the sole of the snivelling wreck that now possessed his former boss like a twisted nightmare, a horrid regret, would be preferable. If his hand wasn't too firmly attached to tangled rope of one of the shrouds in a death grip, if his glove wasn't close to bursting at the seams with how tightly he was gripping, he had half a mind to draw his dagger out of its scabbard and gouge his heart out right there and then.

He looked furious. So much so, that Roach was quick to side step him as he hopped down the steps with fresh sewing materials in his hand, giving a final look back at the intent man who only bared his teeth at the cook in response. Valuing his life, or at least the ability to keep all his fingers, if the sight of the keen blade being twisted between Izzy's free fingers told him anything, Roach is quick to recoil back and raise a concerned eyebrow in Wee John's direction. He in turn just rolls his eyes and lowers his head back to his sewing, but the rest of Stede's crew are astute enough, from where they're lingering around the deck, to notice the thick tension brewing like cold shivers of electricity in the air. Even Jim and Oluwande were giving each other side eyes, pausing their hammering at the helm to dart their eyes to their side and trace the path of Izzy's line of sight.

It never wavered. Every time they looked, it never changed. He had spent the last two hours gaping sourly towards the edge of the quarter deck. Gawking solely at you, without a single movement, without a single flicker outside the bubble where you hunched.

You thought he was angry at you for arranging a special outing for Ed and Stede at Datura Grotto, finally indulging in finding a way for them to spend some time alone after your Captain had begged and hounded you for days; he had become so accustomed to bursting through doors trying to find you and ask for your help, that the poor daunted man nearly burst into tears when he smashed your bedroom door into your nose and nearly broke it. The rest of the crew believed he was plotting something: trying to pick out the quieter members of their friends first, as payback for being stuck on this so called 'straight out of Davy Jones' arsehole' of a ship for so long.

Izzy, though. Izzy knew he was smitten. And he fucking hated it. He hated feeling so vulnerable.

Out of all the crew members still pretending to mill about, only Lucius was daring enough to purse his lips and look brazenly back at Blackbeard's first mate. Only Lucius, in fact, was feeling equally brave, and equally vexatious that fine afternoon to muster up the courage to slide up beside him. 'Someone in a bad mood today, are we?'. He taps the ships railing with the point of his nail, the broom he had been pretending to sweep splintered pieces off the floor a moment ago soon forgotten about as he leans it against the side of the ship. He replaces the loss by dropping his hand to his hip, cocking his head and smiling at an increasingly agitated looking Izzy. 'Would it have anything to do with that fine young sea farer over there by any chance? How romantic, Dizzy Izzy. Oh, I do love a good fix-me-up-'

Oh, he was enjoying this.

Izzy's quick to snap, not even bothering to look in Lucius' direction. 'Fuck off, before I do you a favour and cut that little seducing tongue out of your mouth for you.' Lucius watches Izzy's fingers tighten into leather clad black balls on the rope ladder, and doesn't need a second warning to trot off back towards his friends again. With a final wide eyed look of shock, he turns back to Black Pete and shrugs, holding his hands up as if to say that he tried his best.

All the while, you just keep your gaze steady out and onto the brewing horizon of the sea, watching as foam shook out like reaching hands around your ankles as they across cut through the wave crests, only the salty sting of thrumming silence keeping you company underneath his watchful gaze. The beaded necklace you had spent the last week or so threading together, carefully crafted by trembling fingers and a bit tongue during long evenings spent in your hammock, was beginning to feel like an anchor weight in your pocket. You tried to distract yourself with mundane, idle chit chat with a very thankful Lucius, who had swung over to your side after Pete convinced him to go scouting out for some more gossip. Swinging his legs between the latches of the port quarter, he merrily took the hammer you were idly holding from your hand and began to 'fix up the ship', his wrist barely moving as he turned to you with a scheming smile.

'So, do you know what's going on then? Why Izzy's acting like this? I swear, that man. If he doesn't bend over right now and try to get that stick out of his arse, he's going to be a miserable sad sack of repressed irritation forever. He's like a jack in the box. I swear to god, I'm just waiting for him to burst.' The tone of his voice sounds almost worried, but Lucius is smiling and waggling his eyebrows the whole while. 'That would be kind of funny, actually. I've always imagined him as a stamper. Or maybe a screamer-'

You have no idea what to say, not understanding Lucius' oh so unsubtle hints, so you just run your fingers over the bulge in your pocket once more and chime in to his rant from time to time with a disinterested 'hmm' or distracted 'oh, yeah. Definitely.' It really didn't help that you were beginning to blush the same champagne hue as the bubbles between your toes with how gravely Izzy was staring at the side of your face. It was growing increasingly harder not to give into the temptation: to not just swing your head around and meet his hard-set eyes head on.

Once he realises you're dead set on staying right there, away from him, hiding in the corner all day, he sighs and let's go of the sails, marching off to do another impromptu inspection of the boarded vessel. It's an easy distraction: yelling orders at Wee John, spitting insults at Roach as he scurries out of Izzy's way, stealing the Swede's cup out of his hand and spraying beads of coffee around Buttons' feet. All of it was a Grade A fantastic distraction, and Izzy was hell bent on forgetting just how quickly time had gone by that day: Ed and the moronic, sappy, massive twat of an arse Stede would be back from their foliage constitutional any minute now, and Izzy was acutely aware that he was running out of both minutes, and chances to ask you to take a walk with him on the island himself. He had spent far too much of the morning wasting away, leaning his back on Stede's antique armoire and watching you with crossed arms: like a weathered statue, the growing umbra he cast somehow seeming to reach its tendrils out and blanch the fringes of the doorway. Even Fang and Ivan had been too terrified to come near him, and so he had been left alone. A silent sentinel, trying to figure out why the fuck his heart was cracking against the cage of his ribs and tearing their ligaments to shreds.

You hadn't exactly made things any easier for the man: feeling so intimated, you had spent the whole morning begging your friends to whisk you away from him at the first sign of danger. Whether that meant ducking behind Frenchie's lute like a crab, or hiding like a bulky turtle under the large bit of crimson cloth Oluwande was fiddling with the tassels of, you had used any form of escape to save you from the embarrassment of having to be near him. To let him see how flustered you became just at the overwhelmingly intense pressure you felt in the air any time he swaggered over to your side: to hide the fact that your eyes would widen in abject horror, your breath hitching any time the back of his gloved hand would 'accidentally' brush against your wrist as he went on his merry way, pretending it was all by accident. That it was all just a little game to him.

Little did you know, that he was feeling exactly the same way. The one time he had dared to come over to you that day had been an unmitigated disaster. He thought he was being... well, as kind as he possibly could be by slapping you on the shoulder and saying 'how good of a job you're doing.' He was nodding his head between every word, that jilted, simpering smile on his face as he supplemented his sentiment with an incredibly heartfelt 'at least Y/n knows how to do a fucking thing on this ship, not like you lot of useless fucking fuckers they have to work with. The rest of you are embarrassing, really.' He went to walk away, the side of his wrist glancing against the back of your hand as he finished with a breathless 'you lot could learn a thing or two from Y/n.'

He had staggered away from you as if mortally wounded, tongue bitten between his teeth as he tried as nonchalantly as possible to make his way back to the stern of the ship. While you were busy trying to bury your head down into your chest and avoid the smirking faces of Lucius and Pete, you happened to notice from the side of your eye that with each step Izzy was ringing out his hand. To your surprise, he used his teeth to rip his glove off, tucking it under his armpit as he wrangled with his fingers; he couldn't stop every cell burning as if it had just been reeled under the bottom of the ship. Couldn't understand why his fingertips wouldn't stop shaking as he flexed them.

Lucius was right. He was about to erupt, and he wondered if he'd ever be alright again.

It took until the sun nearly bowing over the jaded unicorn surmounting the anterior of the Revenge for you to find the courage to finally slink away from your convenient hiding spot to go over to Izzy. Well, that and the feel of Lucius literally dragging you up by the wrist and giving you a well meaning shove in the back towards the helm.

'Oh, fuck me', Izzy hisses as he watches you approach, turning his back to you to hide how flustered he was becoming with each tugging step at his heart you take towards him. He nearly jumps high enough to fall face first off the side of the boat when he feels your hand tentatively tap his shoulder, but he manages to inhale sharply and compose himself as best as he can before he flicks his eyes to look at you.

'I-uh-', you swallow thickly, shakily drawing your hand away from him and tucking it behind your back. 'I-, uh. I, I mean, I-'. The two of you, a far change of pace from usual, can barely keep your eyes on each other.

You feel like throwing your shoe at Lucius when you register the all too familiar sing song-y chime of his voice murmuring 'say something!' from behind your back. 'Or I swear to god, I'll kiss the man for you!'

'Well, I-', you start again, shooting the most vicious glare you could strangle out of you back at your friend. With a final sigh, you continue: 'I saw your necklace, and I don't mean to pry- but since you're always wearing black, which of course is incredibly cool, I just- well, I thought it needed a burst of colour.' Without a second thought, you scramble to pull your makeshift necklace out of your trousers, and shove the glistening glass emeralds and burnished pearls into his fist.

'It's just a silly thing, really. I saw Stede fixing Ed's red fabric and I just thought... well, you don't have to wear it. It's just a trinket, it's stupid. Really, you don't have to wear it. I'm sorry-'. After a pause, the burning sensation is enough to make you turn on your heel and bashfully start to make a break for the Rec Centre, just to get as far away from him as possible.

'It's not just a trinket.' The softness of his tone, despite how harshly he sounds out the letters makes you swivel back in surprise. He takes the opportunity to take a step forward and grab onto your wrist. He tugs you closer, until you're standing dangerously close to him: if he were to inhale deeply now, to puff his chest out just a tenth of an inch, your belly buttons would be tightly pressed upon each other. You can already feel his buttons strain against your shirt as he whistles out through bunched teeth, the breath sharp and warm against the side of your jaw. 'Don't say that. Never say that. It came from you, so it's not-... just, don't say that.'

He blinks, slowly releasing his viper grip.

'I like it. I really do. Thank you.' He motions awkwardly with a flick of his fingers to the side of his neck. 'Would you mind? With the gloves, I'm... not very good with clasps. Haven't, haven't used one in a long time.'

You can't stop your head from nodding, feeling like a wound up spring toy as you unfurled his fingers again and took the gift back. With a final swallow, you try not to turn cerise as you gently roll down the collar of his shirt. It folds easily down over his vest, until your bare fingers are dragging over the naked line of skin on his neck, just teasingly hiding the tense muscles of his upper back.

'You really didn't have to do this for me, you know.'

'Yeah... but I wanted to. You're not as much of an arsehole as Stede tries to make out.' You manage out a giggle, before you're back to biting your bottom lip in concentration, brushing a few strands away from the back of his head.

He wants to say more, but his voice chokes in the back of his throat like rifting water, his mouth trembling as your fingers brush over the coiled grey hairs bristling at the nape of his neck. It feels like a red hot poker is being dragged across his skin; he shivers at the feeling, a tight coil rolling across his limbs before settling uncomfortably heavy in the pit of his stomach.

He looks like he's about to weep when you take a step back, reaching up with a final pat to make sure the little metal swallow that adorns the centre of your necklace is lying perfectly against his breast. You may have lingered there a little longer than necessary... long enough for your palm to begin burning against the firm muscle of his pec, and for Lucius to draw out an enunciated wolf whistle, but it was definitely worth it. Even the sound of Frenchie snickering from the barrel he was perched on down on the deck was drowned out by the thrumming toll in your ears: by the sound of Izzy's sharp breath piercing your ear as he wavered uneasily on the spot. He didn't want to move away from you, not yet. He could barely even hear them. For the first time in his life, he didn't even fucking care. All he could focus on, over the bridge of his nose - through the gentle curls of his tired eyelashes, was you.

He was intoxicated - but even worse, he was finally beginning to understand. By god, he wondered. What the fuck had you done to him? Could this really be what Edward feels? Could anyone, really, feel this much?

'I hear swallows are meant to bring good luck', you state with bated breath, fingering the charm you had picked up from a market stall at the Republic of Pirates for a final time. It had reminded you almost immediately of Izzy: a hidden treasure, glistening white-gold, like fresh sunlight flitting across the glitter combs littered across the sea beds. It had been well buried within piles of muck: old straw, rotten bits of moulding fruit, bloodied bones twisted into odd shapes that you could barely recognise, but it had been lying there. Waiting just for you. A needle in the haystack. The final piece of the puzzle.

Izzy's breath draws in sharply as you absentmindedly begin to brush your pointer finger up and up: tracing the edge of his jaw line before rolling over the same bird tattoo lacing his neck, your eyes still drawn to the gap between his shirt where his Adam's apple lay tautly.

'Yes. Very good luck', he states, amazed he even found his voice. Surprisingly, he doesn't even try to pull away. He lets you trace your finger over the beak, gliding across the round belly until they're dancing teasingly over its tail. In fact, without his wonderous, dipped eyes looking away from you, he seems to be tilting his head in time, allowing you easier access to brush against his skin and steal his soul with every movement.

Before he has time to think of the repercussions of what he was about to do, the leather of his gloves flex around your cheeks and Izzy Hands has bowed his back down over you, lips knocking against yours. It's terse, and rather urgent in its forcefulness; it was both a slip of outrageous passion, and a terse reminder of his years out of practice feeling any sort of physical affection, and yet you couldn't help but brush up even closer to the man. He welcomes you eagerly, even though this eternity lasted only a moment: with his thumb, he tilts the jut of your chin up so he can lick his tongue against your bottom lip all the more easily. His knee slides forward until it knocks against your own, lurching you forward and saving him the embarrassment of having to voluntarily admit to his weakness and slide his other hand around the pulse point of your neck, until he was cradling the bone of your shoulder.

He finally draws back, his tongue darting out to lick along the edge of his top lip. 'Yeah, very lucky indeed.' He seems sorrowful to be letting go of you, but the loud whistling and snorting that begins to bounce back and forth between Stede's crew snaps Izzy back to himself. With a final glance back down to your lips, he struts off to pick up Lucius' long abandoned broom and starts chasing him across the ship with it.

[carrymelikeimcute]

The izcourse continues...

When did people stop saying 'in my opinion'? because lord above would that simple phrase have stopped me getting so mad this morning.

I have no interest in reblogging the posts and starting drama, but some izzy takes I've seen this morning have made me want to chew through rawhide, and here's my opinion on why these 'factual statements' are wrong.

Izzy fans shouldn't be upset by his death because he's not a main character, he is a plot device to further the story of the main characters.

I'm a professional writer btw and to me a 'plot device' character is the barista who's in one scene. To me, if a named character with backstory and complicated interpersonal history with one or more main characters is just 'a plot device' - that's a waste of a character and shitty writing. I don't think ofmd is shittily written so this annoys me on two levels - disrespecting the show, and the character. Because in my view if Izzy is 'just a plot device' that's someone insulting the show.

2. Izzy was an antagonist and antagonists can only ever be redeemed and then die, or become a villain.

Not even true of ofmd and certainly not of media in general, yet stated as fact with nothing to back it up. This is NOT an opinion btw - you only have to look at Zheng and Jackie to know it's not true within the context of the show.

Jackie dobs Stede in to the British just as much as Izzy does, and she threatens them with vengeance again over the indigo - does she die? Does she become a villain? No, she's a guest at the lupete wedding for fuck sake.

Zheng insults Ed and attempts to kill Stede, two things Izzy was vilified for, gosh it was so sad when she died in the finale wasn't it? Oh no wait, she became their ally and sailed away on The Revenge!

'Have to die or become villains' is just...incomprehensible to me. The only way I can see it working in someone's head is if they think character like Jackie and Zheng did nothing wrong, when Izzy was evil, for doing the same things - albeit for more personally passionate reasons.

3. Izzy telling Ed that the ship's atmosphere was poison because of 'his feelings for Stede' was Izzy 'blaming Ed's actions on love again, just like he did in s1.e10 because Izzy is just one-note evil and only ever has that one thing to say.

To me, s1 Izzy is absolutely thrilled to have managed to bait Ed to anger, to have brought this out of him. He thinks he knows what he's just unleashed, but as we soon discover, he has no idea - because Ed had never cut off one of his extremities before. He poked the bear, but the bear was actually a fucking kraken.

s2 Izzy, in my opinion, looking at his expression above, is sad, resigned, he is saying Stede's name (which it's already established even obliquely mentioning him is a BAD IDEA with the whole 'talk it through' thing, after which Izzy sounds panicked) but he is specifically trying to make Ed see that he is not himself - that what he is doing to the crew is toxic.

Just because he's essentially saying 'This isn't you' in both scenes, doesn't mean the tone or the meaning of those scenes is the same. One scene ends with Izzy gleeful, victorious. One ends with him screaming on the deck, bleeding out.

I am happy for people to have these opinions, and for me to vehemently disagree with them, but they ARE opinions. And Izzy 'fans' or you know, people who see the show differently to you, are not stupid, racist, immature or whatever else you want to call us.

We just have a different opinion. If you're going to share your opinion, great! But it's still just your opinion.

[mermaidlighthouse]

Since I’m apparently making this a fuckin series of posts…I’m gonna look at another Izzy moment/scene from the perspective that while a separate character with other functions and characterizations, Izzy narratively is a personification of Blackbeard and therefore an extension of Ed…this time we’re gonna look at the “you know me better than anyone has ever known me and I dare say the same is true for me about you” and recontextualize it around that premise…

Two things before we begin - First, this is going to be highly critical of Izzy if that’s not for you then skip it, however, this is critical of Izzy from the perspective of someone who does enjoy his character both as a separate entity and in this framework. Second, this interpretation is predicated on the idea that Izzy is both a personification of Blackbeard and that the persona of Blackbeard functions narratively as a physical manifestation of Ed’s poor self-worth and darkest thoughts about himself.

To get to the meat of the scene I think it needs to be said first, that Izzy is canonically and categorically WRONG in his assertion. He doesn’t know Ed all that well at all frankly and it’s apparent from the very first interactions between them. So, let's go through some of those:

The scenes in the Captain’s cabin on the QAR: Izzy didn’t know that Ed was so fucking bored that the idea of something…really anything…out of the ordinary would interest him. We know that Izzy has no qualms with straight-up lying to Ed. “I explicitly told him Blackbeard desired his company.” Even if you take the stance that there should be no way Stede wouldn’t know canonically famous for being Blackbeard’s First Mate Izzy Hands (which I have said before) that means that Izzy assumes he’s just that famous that he should be a known entity but, that still isn’t explicitly saying Blackbeard. With that in mind, why didn’t he just lie to Ed about losing Hornberry? He could have very easily lied about not having been “bested at swordplay”. That’s just another interesting thing about Stede…Izzy ends up being the person who ultimately keeps making Stede seem like the MOST interesting person. The fact that he couldn’t recognize that Ed would not only find Stede initially interesting but would find him even more interesting because he told Blackbeard to “go suck eggs in hell” after they’ve already been following him around is a huge indication that he doesn’t understand Ed at all, let alone better than anyone else.

The first day on The Revenge: so Izzy NEVER realizes that Ed already has a plan to get away from the Spanish. I’m not litigating whether Ed’s actions are manipulative (which I do think there’s a sound reading there btw) I’m simply saying that Izzy was unable to read Ed’s actions or nonactions to recognize he was being played with. I’m also not litigating whether the plan was sound because again my whole point is that Izzy never realized Ed had a plan from the moment Izzy found him on deck. This one may be up for personal interpretation but, if you know a person better than anyone else, it seems like you should have some sort of inkling that they are messing around with you. 

I’m not actually going to go through every interaction between them but I think these showcase that from the start of the show Izzy doesn’t understand Ed, he doesn’t know Ed. Izzy is not telling the truth, he’s lying.

Back to the original premise then

looking at this line from the perspective that Izzy functions as an extension of Blackbeard. So, a lot of the dialogue between Ed and Izzy throughout the show can be read as showcasing when you have self-loathing, the voices in your head will lie to you because you can’t see a way around them. That you can and will lie to yourself when you hate yourself because it’s easier at that point to perpetuate the lies because they’ve been what you’ve told yourself for a very long time. That you may have a skewed perspective especially about yourself. Essentially, I’m saying that Izzy functions as a way to show the audience how Ed talks to himself in his darkest moments, Blackbeard’s voice (in the same way ghost!Nigel functioned for Stede). 

Izzy telling Ed that he knows him best and vice versa is the voice in Ed’s head, Blackbeard, saying “we are the same. I’m the only one who understands you and no one else will see you better than me. I know all your darkest moments which means I know the REAL you. The version of you that I desire is the REAL you. I’m here to protect you from the darkness within and from outside because I’m your only point of contact in the world.” It’s a personification of how low self-esteem or self-worth preys on and isolates you by creating a false dichotomy where no one else will ever identify with you. Or that anyone who thinks you can grow beyond what your low self-worth dictates is “the right way to be” is wrong because they don’t know you, not really. 

It’s the ultimate mindfuck because it’s the voice in your head manipulating you from the inside, it can be very difficult to argue against your own thoughts. We see this in the scene as well, Ed never actually contradicts Izzy even though we already know there are several ways in which Izzy doesn’t know Ed.

This scene shows how Ed can easily feel as though there will be nothing but this, this constant boredom, this constant pain in trying to conform to the darkest thoughts in his head, Blackbeard.

This same logic can be applied to the "This is Blackbeard. Not some namby-pamby pining for his boyfriend" line. Izzy is voicing the idea that the persona of Blackbeard isn't supposed to have emotional entanglements. He's implying that Blackbeard doesn't want or need to be loved, Blackbeard only needs prestige and power. The desire to be loved is all Edward and Edward is nothing without Blackbeard. That Stede is an impediment to who Ed REALLY is. It's mirrored in Izzy telling Stede "I know you think you understand him." It's how your self-loathing can and will attempt to push people away. And Izzy falters when Stede proves that he actually does know Ed, he's fully aware of who Ed is as a person in his entirety and Stede is the person who is going to accept ALL of Ed's iterations. All of these lines from Izzy are lies and manipulation disguised as self-preservation.

The voice of Blackbeard is literally just how Izzy speaks to Ed…and in this way Izzy is the rotten leg that needs to come off................

This is no way justifies or allows Izzy to get off the hook for being manipulative and being an outside person who does all this shit...I'm just looking at how the show allows you to understand Ed better by giving an outside voice to the things Ed is struggling with internally. It can be both.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I thought up a few of ideas for you to pick from for your birthday writing thing. Happy early birthday, btw!

1. Stede wants Ed to top him, so they go shopping for a strap-on and have so much fun choosing a dildo to go in it. It has to satisfy both of them because Stede will be penetrated by it, and it's going to be like an extension of Ed's body, so he has to like the shape and it has to be as close to his skin tone as possible.

2. Stede going down on Ed and after he comes, Stede comes up with his mouth and chin covered in Ed's slick and he kisses him to let him taste himself.

3. Ed and Stede trying anal for the first time. This idea has been living rent free in my head since I read the double penetration chapter of Eight Nights. Ed has been reluctant to try it because he's had bad experiences with it in the past, but now that he knows he's completely safe with Stede, he's willing to revisit it.

4. Taking turns licking sweet treats off each other.

Lovely! I chose the first prompt!

It was a damn fine idea.

Ed could admit, honestly, that when Stede had first brought up the idea of Ed topping, he’d been skeptical. It was okay to experiment, and of course he wanted to have fun and make Stede feel good, but Ed knew what he liked, y’know?

But then they’d started really talking about it, and the idea that you could top and still be the submissive one in bed started to sound very fucking alluring. They talked about getting him a chest harness and handcuffs to match the strap-on harness so he could be tugged around easily and manhandled, talked about Stede making him beg for permission to make him feel good. Even the idea of Ed not being able to get direction stimulation from the strap was damn enticing when they talked about how they’d be able to have scenes where Stede could pretend to just be using Ed’s body for his pleasure, and he could suck the strap and talk about how well Ed was fucking him while completely ignoring Ed’s cock and holes.

Yeah. Sounded like a hell of a lot of fun.

They got Ed’s harness first - soft purple leather with the cutest black lacey trim, with the matching chest harness and handcuffs, just like they talked about, and Ed was excited…

Until they visited the couple of tiny sex toy stores in their city and discovered their dildo options were extremely limited.

They bought most of their toys online, but this was going to be Stede’s first time seriously playing around with being penetrated, and he really wanted to look at the selection in person. Ed was admittedly a bit of a size queen, and Stede had balked at most of the dildos in Ed’s collection. Even playing around with Ed’s toys, they’d found they just had very different tastes.

Plus…if Ed was going to be wearing it, if he was going to be fucking Stede, he wanted the cock he was fucking him with to feel like his, and all of their local shops just had generic white dick options.

So they did some research, and they found a huge sex toy store a couple hours away. They decided to make a whole day out of it, going shopping and having a nice dinner before heading back home and hopefully putting their new toy to good use.

They were both bouncy with excitement when they finally got there and made a beeline straight for the selection of strap-on compatible dildos.

Ed was, immediately, a bit overwhelmed with his options. And Stede was not helping.

“Ed, holy shit,” he breathed, pointing around the racks of tastefully boxed dildos. “That one’s purple! That one vibrates! That one has glitter!”

It would be kinda cool to have a glittery dick, Ed had to admit.

“Okay, breathe, babe,” Ed said, putting a hand on Stede’s arm to stop him from immediately grabbing a dozen boxes off the shelves. “Let’s narrow this down, yeah?”

They immediately learned that they had different preferences for dildo textures. Ed was a bit sensitive, admittedly, and he liked for his dildos to be made with a softer silicone, so they would stretch him out without ever being uncomfortable. Stede, though, really liked that ache of initial penetration, and wanted his to be firmer.

When it came to length, Stede decided he wanted something average. He didn’t like his toys as big as Ed did, and he wanted something that would be easy to ride without feeling overwhelming.

So, with that in mind…

“I think I want something close to my skin color,” Ed decided, moving towards the selection of natural-colored toys. The idea of being able to look down and see a dick that looked like his wasn’t just affirming, it was hot as hell, and he loved the idea of it.

They giggled through finding the right shade range, Ed feeling a bit like he was testing makeup colors as they held the boxes next to his arms to gauge how close the tones were. Ed’s skin color was a bit tricky, they quickly learned, because there were a lot of dildos that were way too light and a lot that were way too dark.

“Aha!” Stede declared, loudly enough that someone browsing further down the aisle gave them a dirty look. He pointed to a range of dildos. “I think this is our Goldilocks zone, right here.”

“Just right,” Ed said dreamily, nudging Stede lightly with his elbow.

Now…which one?

Ed inspected a few boxes. “Do you want one that vibrates?”

“No,” Stede decided after a moment of contemplation. “I’d like it to just feel like…you. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” Ed said, trying to hide how he was suddenly a bit choked up. “I’m sorry that I can’t -”

“Oh, love, hey, no,” Stede gasped, pulling Ed into his arms. “You’ve done nothing wrong, sweet man, nothing at all. Your body is perfect. Absolutely perfect.”

“Sorry,” Ed snuffled, burying his nose under Stede’s jaw. “Wish I could do this for you for real.”

“No need for apologies,” Stede told him firmly, kissing his forehead. “You will be doing it for real. There’s no way we could ever have sex that wouldn’t be real. I love everything about you, Ed. Your dick very much included.”

Well. Stede did demonstrably love Ed’s dick, frequently and with great enthusiasm.

Alright. Ed rubbed at his eyes, pulling back to look at the selection. A firmer one, he remembered, not too long…

He wrinkled his nose at the first box he picked. The dildo was fine, close enough to his skin color, but he didn’t like the bulbous head or how prominent the veins were. On anyone else, it would be a perfectly handsome dick, but it didn’t feel like his.

He thought they saw it at the same time.

“That one,” Stede breathed, the instant Ed picked it up.

This was it. This one was Ed’s. The dildo matched his skin tone very well, a bit skinnier but on the longer end of what Stede was comfortable with. It was cut, with a nice curve and a blush to the head that was somehow cute.

“Perfect,” Ed decided, adding to the box to their basket (Stede hadn’t been able to resist the orange-flavored lube near the front of the store, and who could blame him?).

“Perfect,” Stede echoed, looking at Ed with an unbearably fond expression, and then he patted Ed’s ass and led him off. “Now, I was thinking - you know, your new harness has a space to insert a bullet vibe into the strap that goes over your cock? I was thinking we could pick out a new one with a remote, so I can give you some vibrations to reward you for being so good when you fuck me!”

“Yes, sir,” Ed laughed, taking Stede’s hand to rush off after him.

[alicerovai]

It's not necessarily that imho. May just be because of the super intense feelings at the moment. Maybe it's because they've never kissed each other, and it's different (I'm thinking Ed and Stede's kiss, because Stede had never kissed a man before but Ed had, and slept with them too, he just wasn't in love with them the way he is with Stede). Sure, it could mean they just weren't interested in anyone else so why bother (since they're open to an ace or grey ace interpretation).

(Also I don't mean to tell you what to do or say but that... Was maybe not the best phrasing. The "pure" thing equated to not having sex and the "ruining them". I don't think that's quite what you meant but a lot of people, myself included, who have religious trauma and are in the fandom have already pointed out, back during S1, how harmful the idea of sexlessness or abstinence equating purity or making them "better" is, when people were writing fics about one of them, usually Crowley, being morally better and purer because they didn't have sex. Again, I don't think that's what you meant but it's a topic one has to phrase carefully. I mean, it triggered me and I've read your stuff and know about your past hcs and know you don't think sex is bad, so...)

Also does this mean your nsfw pdfs are gone? I still want them (mostly I've been holding off on a few of them because they were very angsty lol and I wasn't in a good mental space for that, but I really really want the cute one in the 18th century). I mean probably not, but better to ask...

My personal read is more along the Stede and Ed situation plus the high stakes. There were others but never any they loved as much (again that's my hc and I've never had issue with the "they only slept with each other" hc, just if it was a question of what would be the equivalent of waiting for marriage because it's the "right" thing)

No, my “pure” meaning was different. I’ve drawn them making love so many times (and I’ve nothing against sex, as you well know) and that’s totally ok. They can have the experiences they want in the future when S3 will be out, I’m sure things will be okay for them (❤️). Mine statement is just what I’m thinking right now, right after seeing that scene. They’re “pure” not because they haven’t had sex or whatever. That’s just pure love. It’s beautiful. It’s way more beautiful that whatever NSFW content I’ve ever seen or drawn or imagined. But of course that doesn’t mean I will never draw NSFW content with them again. I’m just trying to say how much I loved that kiss and how Neil wrote it. It’s (to me!) so much better than a first passionate kiss. Maybe later they will make it better, they will demonstrate their love for each other in a different and more passionate way… I don’t know. But the first one. The first one had to be like this. They’re not human beings, they are two creatures who love each other and I love that.

Btw of course my NSFW GO content will continue to exist! 😉 sorry for being confusing, I’m just trying to express how I feel after that powerful scene!

[camillescreations]

Has anyone else watched the leaked Archie audition clip from a while ago? Archie is the new female crew member we see next to Jim in a lot of scenes. I've seen one other person do a recent analysis based off of Izzy's amputation. But I just wanted to talk about it, too!

In this clip, Archie is obviously interacting with Izzy, who is likely laying down, Izzy calls her a cunt and twat, and she responds with some snarky remarks back, seeming to knock Izzy out with the belt lol. I'm not sure if every aspect of this audition will play out in the show, but it's worth mentioning. So there is a good possibility we will be getting an amputation scene. It's unclear who the other person Archie is talking to (not Izzy) is. I'm thinking it might be Jim, I think the line "Sorry, man, we got orders" would be in character for them. But that line is worth mentioning, as well. Who are the orders from? It would make sense for the orders to be from Ed. Ed wouldn't want Izzy to die. Whoever it is, the "chopper" must be someone with some sort of medical knowledge. But what's interesting is that Izzy says something along the lines of "just let me die." So has Izzy given up? Did he let his toe infection become worse on purpose? Or, if it's not the infection and another injury that mangled his leg, is this after he maybe realizes how hurt Ed is and he feels like he did the wrong thing, thus wanting to die? I'm dying to know this context and if it happens when Izzy has met up with Stede yet or not! But I'm thinking it might be before, like episode 1.

Then at the end of the amputation scene, the "chopper" says, "well that was um... that was intense." And then Archie responds with "Yeah, super intense...super intense" while staring into the other person's eyes! Sexual tension, anyone? And then Archie softly goes (i think this is what she says), "d'you want..." and looks like she gets pulled by her hand and goes with the other person. That, I'm guessing, is what leads into the next scene in the audition clip, which I'll talk about now.

So the next clip has Archie talking to another person (let's call them Person 2) not the "chopper" I'm guessing, who says "its not about you, specifically. It's about love. All love dies, I'm just hastening the process along. But I must admit, I'm disappointed in you (bro?)" I think the person they're referring to is the "chopper." I'm paraphrasing since I can't understand every word and I don't have context lol. But anyways, then Archie responds with "what happened down there, that was just for fun. That was just eating each other out. That was not love." Then the other person goes "it wasnt?" And Archie says "did you...aw man this is awkward...is that what--did you think that's what that was...?" Then the other person seems to scoff and go "no! (Unintelligible, something about love)"

Then a third person (person 3) chimes in and says " I hate to interrupt this amorous quarrel, but if you don't start fighting each other to the death I'm gonna have to kill all of them, so." (The " all of them" in that sentence implies there are more people in the room than the ones ive already mentioned) And Archie seems to wave to another person (not chopper or person 2, it seems like) and then silently mouth something I can't quite make out, but she seems to be saying she won't do something? There's some head shaking and stuff. Then who I assume is person 2 says "Look man, I'm not fighting Archie to the death, alright, (I'm?) just not--" Then Archie punches them in the face and headbutts them lol.

SO THAT WAS A LOT. I'm gonna give my best guess as to what in the world is happening there and who the different people are (btw, I have no idea if Archie is actually talking to one person or two before the person who says they're gonna kill everyone comes in. I'll touch on some different possibilities.)

My guess is that Archie and another crew member have a "sexual connection," and if Jim is the one who chops Izzy's leg off, then the connection is with them. That would make some sense, considering how close Archie and Jim are always standing in the trailer. Maybe Jim and Archie grow close in Olu's absence.

So then we have the more confusing scene. My guess is that Person 2 is Oluande or some other member of the crew. It could be Ed. Let's look at both possibilities.

So if Person 2 is Olu then he must have somehow walked in on Archie and Jim. Olu is hurt, since this means that Jim cheated on him, which is why he says that all love dies and he's disappointed in Jim. I don't know if that dialogue is all that in character for Olu, though.

I guess it could be Ed, and Ed knows heartbreak so that's why he talks about all love dying and stuff. And I assume he knows that Jim and Olu were a couple if he says he's disappointed in Jim.

Ugh I just don't know who is who! But now let me try to identify person 3.

My first guess is that if person 2 is Olu, then person 3 could be Ed. He makes the murder joke because he's still in his Kraken era and is mad at everything, especially things to do with love. But I don't know about this.

My second guess is that Person 3 is a villain, and that villain has the crew captured or something?

I honestly am so confused by this clip, it's so hard to tell who is speaking because the guy talking in the clip, the womans scene partner who we never see, doesn't switch voices or cadences for each character. It all sounds like the same guy talking, but it's obviously not. Well let me know what you guys think and sorry if this was confusing to anyone!

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Thinking about an ofmd drag queen AU... Stede commissions all of his clothes and Calico Jack thinks he should have to learn to make a trash bag dress like everyone else. He calls Stede a store bought queen. They get in an argument about it and at least one heel gets thrown.

I feel like Jim gets up there in kind of a basic look but no one gives a fuck because their act is juggling knives which everyone goes crazy for. Jim is also a drag king based entirely on the fact that Vico themself is a king and Jim wore a fake beard in the show.

Ed gets the most tips because he's really good, but he believes he gets tipped the most because he has star power behind him and he feels like he's steeling from the other queens.

Buttons always does some obscure band that no one knows. The one well known song he does is Kesha's Cannibal and he wears fangs during it and half way through he puts one of those fake blood capsules in so that he pukes up blood (no one steal this idea because I'm going to do it in real life please and thank you), but other wise it's something really obscure and it's always weird.

Frenchie and the Swede preform songs live instead of lip syncing to recordings. Usually they do this separately but sometimes they team up and when they do it's beautiful.

Despite the fact that Ed is the most famous and popular Fang has been doing drag the longest and no one would dare disrespect him.

Izzy very rigidly does celebrity impersonation. I don't know who he does but I feel like with celebrity impersonation there's sort of a goal of "be as much like her as you can" and I feel like Izzy would do better at that than anything that requires him to think outside the box any more than that. No shade to celeb impersonators.

Roach likes to do a campy fake axe murder on stage sometimes. I don't know why I think this I just do. I feel like there's morbid pageantry going on whenever Roach gets on stage and I feel like the people love it. When he's not doing that his fav song to lip sync to is I Will Survive.

I saw a queen in Las Vegas recently who was also a fire eater and for this AU I think I'm going to project that onto Wee John.

Ed teaches Stede what a KaiKai is. Stede is a hands on learner btw.

[dracothelizard]

HAPPY OFMD BIG BANG ANNIVERSARY TO MY FIC!

Last year, I signed up for @ofmdbigbang and wrote a 60K Lovecraftian AU. @tealtumbleweed has a masterpost for their art, btw, it's great.

We got the 30th of September 2022 as a posting date, making today the one-year anniversary!

Title: Luctor et Emergo: The Call of Edthulhu (I added 'the' to Call of Edthulhu later on to make it fit better with The Vacation of Edthulhu)

Pairings: Stede/Edthulhu, background Lucius/Pete, background Jim/Oluwande

Summary: Stede pulled a face at that. “Hm, well, I don’t want to do any human sacrifices.”

“Kinda rule number one of being in a cult,” Pete scoffed.

“Ah! Not in this cult!” Stede beamed at him and looked around expectantly. “Remember? What’s our number one rule?”

Roach raised his hand. “Don’t sacrifice my chicken.”

“Not quite number one, but still high up,” Stede replied. “Swede?”

“Stick to the chore schedule?”

“Definitely in the top ten.” There were no more hands, and he sighed. “Come on! If we want to get a good result, we talk about it…”

“As a cult,” the others chorused, some more reluctant than others.

AKA the Lovecraftian AU no one asked for!

In which High Priest Stede struggles with nosy Badmintons, his cultists and the Spanish Inquisition. Meeting Edthulhu makes everything better. Now Stede just has to help the eldritch deity emerge fully into this world. It'll be fine! Probably!

And also, obviously there is tentacle sex ;)

Read on if you want a bit more background/knowledge humankind was not meant to know ooooh AKA slight spoilers for my fic

My initial big bang idea was a canon divergence for ep 8, where Stede and Oluwande would bond over being left behind and the crew would drag them on a terrible pubcrawl to cheer them up. They'd run into Ed and Jim, and obviously there'd be shenanigans. It's still in my WIPs somewhere.

But I got involved in a discussion about Stede as a Lovecraftian cultist to eldritch Ed, and I've played a lot of Call of Cthulhu, a TTRPG. So I thought, oh, maybe Stede and his crew as terrible investigators going after Edthulhu's cult led by High Priest Izzy!

But then I realised that no, the original idea was right. Stede and his crew as terrible cultists vs High Priest Izzy who is very dedicated to Edthulhu.

Outlining and plotting involved going over s1 to see which bits I wanted to take, and how to set them up properly so they'd still work.

I still wanted Stede to have similar character beats to canon, so he gets some growing confidence after besting Izzy before meeting Edthulhu, then grows overconfident when making deals at Spanish Jackie'z and requires Edthulhu to rescue him. Figuring out WTF to do with the hostage plotpoint was fun :p.

Also, spoilers, the Spanish Inquisition turns up (NOBODY EXPECTS THEM!!). But I actually kind of forgot about them while outlining. I thought, okay, I need the deal at Jackie'z to go badly. I need a group of people who can attack cultists, so there's some witchhunting/religious persecuting going on, and I'd like them to be Spanish to go with canon.

So I googled something like 'Spanish witchhunt' and my first result was Spanish Inquisition and I felt really dumb for having forgotten them.

Once Stede and Edthulhu meet, there aren't as many parallels because I had to get them to Atlantis and raise Edthulhu, but obviously Stede and Edthulhu have cute moments, Stede rescues Edthulhu, Jackstur turns up, and Mary and Doug are surprisingly okay with everything!

And then everyone gets to find happiness, including Izzy!

My main takeaway for this year's Big Bang was that I had to plan my writing better, as I was still writing close to my deadline, and that I had to aim for something shorter. And for this year, I succeeded at both those goals!

[edsbacktattoo]

cym as ofmd characters

first of all obsessed with this. second of all this is so so so so hard. I’m gonna do my best

Stede - @awkward-fallen-angel @skysofrey @stedebonnets and @epersonae absolutely huge kindness and sweetness pouring out of these four. i’m sorry i can’t choose one between you, you’re all so stede to me. so enthusiastic and wonderful. every time i think about them my heart does this :)

Ed - @tisziny and @blackbeardskneebrace on this one. this is one of the highest compliments i can bestow btw. good and kind and wonderful people who deserve the whole damn world

Jim - @blakbonnet everyone is casting her as Izzy or Ed but no!!!! she is Jim because she’s all unsuspecting and nice and then WHAM! angst like a knife to your throat! like babe it’s 3:00 am what do you mean what if stede dies first please have mercy on me. i’m also gonna put @wearfinethingsalltoowell here because of the Olu appreciation <3

Oluwande - @sassygwaine and @chocolatepot again this is also one of the highest compliments i can bestow. i am in love with oluwande and therefore with you.

Frenchie - @nofeelingisfinall adorable, hilarious, my dearly beloved, could probably think up a scheme on the fly

Roach - @beardedblack josh i think the reason you couldn’t find a Roach is cause it’s you bud. the tiniest bit unhinged in the best way

Lucius - @snake-snack-stede arguably the funniest person on our gay little boat. makes wonderful art and has a lot of love in her heart. definitely alive and not dead

Black Pete - @xoxoemynn so enthusiastic and bubbly and excited!!! sharing love and smiles all the time

Fang - @cheersmequeers and @sherlockig if this emoji 🧸 could be a pair of people. all around delightful

Wee John - @vampirebutterflies a huge sweetie pie. a real darling dear. definitely the type to come up with the idea for the bowl of mints. to make other people feel more at home ya know :)

Izzy - I wouldn’t do that to any of you i love you all too much. sike it’s Meow again 🖕

Ivan - @leatherdaddyteach cooler than everyone ever? i probably want to raid their wardrobe. hilarious, has dibs on the gold teeth

tagging myself as Swede because I’m a little bit dense but my heart is in the right place. i may also have scurvy. it would explain the teeth falling out

if i missed anyone punch me until i’m a lump on the floor. you can use weapons i’ll let you

[soggywarmpockets]

I posted 9,059 times in 2022

That's 4,834 more posts than 2021!

589 posts created (7%)

8,470 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@linguisticparadox

@bane-of-technology

@nekotachi

@ohmybookshelves

@marisolinspades

I tagged 356 of my posts in 2022

#izzy fits-in-your hands - 56 posts

#ofmd - 28 posts

#our flag means death - 26 posts

#food - 25 posts

#cw food - 25 posts

#food cw - 25 posts

#@you know who you are - 13 posts

#dracula daily - 8 posts

#dracula - 8 posts

#dracula with friends - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#anyway the reason my company installed these was to easily change prices without having to worry about printing tags and tags getting lost

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Maybe I've ranted about this before but I absolutely love Stede and Ed's kiss in episode 9. It's perfectly imperfect, as it should be. It's impulsive. Neither of them had planned it. Ed delivered his confession so openly and honestly. He was so nervous about how Stede would react that he couldn't even look at him as he said "I reckon what makes Ed happy is you." And then he saw Stede start to smile and fumble for words and he didn't want there to be any confusion about exactly what he meant and he just went for it. And Stede was so caught off guard and stunned that at first he froze. But then he started kissing Ed back. Tiny, exploratory kisses. You can almost see him asking himself "Is this real? Am I allowed to have this?" And Ed gets encouraged by Stede kissing him back and moves closer and pulls him closer and puts his hand on Stede's face and corrects the angle of the kiss and everything is just so tender and it just melts my heart and then neither of them know what to do with their hands after the kiss. It's just so perfect, especially for two older people who really have no frame of reference for how to kiss someone that they love (well, we know Stede doesn't, at least, we really don't know much about Ed's past minus the "dalliances" with Calico Jack.) Ed obviously has a bit more experience with men and but but we don't know the extent of how involved they were or if there were any actual feelings or if he faced any sort of rejection or was hurt when he put his heart into something only to find out that the other person was only having fun, so he may he afraid of all of that again as well as not wanting to scare Stede off if this isn't what Stede wanted or expected. It's utterly perfect and acted so well.

328 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

#4

Ed's complete lack of reaction when Antoinette says "Well if you ever want to change careers, you can finger my dents anytime" is so telling. The rest of the room is screaming with laughter at how raunchy she has just been and he's like, chugging champagne. This man is gay-gay.

391 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

#3

Waiting until Friday the 13th to announce when season 4 is dropping is so on-brand for What We Do in the Shadows, honestly.

1,478 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#2

This is what I'll be calling it, btw.

2,274 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

If/when you have children please let them (as soon as they're able) pick the theme of their birthday parties.

The girl who used to do my hair let her toddler pick the theme of her 3rd birthday and she chose Target. Like, the store. So everything was red and white and covered in bullseyes and I'm just so full of joy looking at the pictures on Facebook right now because it is obvious that this little girl is having the time of her life and that her parents put so much love and creativity into making the decorations and cupcakes.

Children will come up with some of the best and most fascinating ideas if you let them.

67,258 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[floppymixtape]

this is going to be a bunch of critical thoughts on stede's writing in episodes 6&7 of ofmd so just hear me out

these episodes have me feeling like i'm watching the show wrong, or missing something.

To be fair, i've never been one to think stede is the perfect person and he has no flaws, however! his demeanor on episode 7 feels poorly set up and really underdeveloped. again, stede has never been a perfectly good person, he is selfish and eccentric and his insecurities make him hurt the people around him, and this has been true since the beginning of season 1, but that's the thing... hasn't he grown since?

was i wrong to think that stede was growing out of his selfishness in e5s2? he clearly has a moment of change when he chooses to give up the suit because it made the crew uncomfortable (even if he /knew/ it was allergies!!) stede makes various conscious efforts to get over himself and reassure the people around him in that episode! i mean, even when ed finally returns the feelings for stede (in a very gorgeous scene btw) the guy continues growing by accepting to go slow and that they can figure this out as it goes.

and here is the thing. episode 7 stede would have worked IF the episodes showed us that he was truly afflicted by killing someone for the first time. hear me out here!! yes, there is a scene where stede is looking horrified alone but it's just that. it's one single scene!

i think there could have been so much more emphasis on two things. 1. ned telling stede he is blackbeard's pet because he is unexperienced

2. izzy telling ed not to go see stede because the first kill always messes up everyone

i will talk about the first one in a bit, but! if there was simply more focus on the fact that ed didn't let stede have space to cope or process things then (to me) it would have made more sense to have stede be this asshole with a fame complex. ed tried to help him in a healthy way with the whole "i killed my dad" but again! if it was emphasized that stede had no time to cope or process, and he was going by a whim, his reaction would have made total sense to me! but it was just one line!! and the camera wasn't even on izzy!!!

and then. wouldn't the conflict be enriched by the whole "he is your pet" idea? we have been dragging this specific point since season 1 but it's never truly been resolved. now that stede is famous as a pirate, wouldn't it make sense for him to be insecure that ed wants to leave him because he was just "a pet." why would ned mention it if it wasn't going to be resolved? i feel like i'm repeating myself, but this would have worked so greatly for me if stede was a mad asshole for different reasons!

if stede had continued the fight with zheng yi sao because he is a proud asshole AND because he was explicitly insecure about being just a pet, to me!! it would have worked!!!

i know these are a lot of words for something that is very most definitely the studio's fault for cutting the episodes but at some point i can't excuse what feels to me like bad direction on a show!

[mikimeiko]

There is something about Stede and his inability to form a bond with his crew, and the way that changes after Ed enters the picture, that I find very interesting (and btw, thanks @bookshelfdreams for letting me bounce ideas off your always insightful brain).

I mean, think about it. Up until the end of episode three the crew is very much not sold on his idea of piracy, and Jim explicitly tells him (while he is about to get hanged) "You are the worst fuckin' pirate captain in history" (which, I mean, fair, since his incompetence and naivety had a direct impact on them). But something changes enough between episode 3 and episode 9 that the entire crew comes to Stede's rescue when Badminton's tells him he is not a real pirate.

And the thing is… Stede has this idea that he wants to be a pirate, but he doesn't really like pirate "activities"? I'm not just talking about the very violent aspects of raiding and pillaging, but also like the idea that the pirates have of "vacation" in the second episode (like when Wee John and the Swede are play-fighting on the beach, and he gets very upset because "that was not what he was talking about" when he said that there was no way of messing up a vacation). I know we often compare the way he acts with the crew as acting like a father to them, but I actually think Stede is more teacher than parent (might be professional bias, might be the sheer number of "children"): a teacher that is trying to change the way pirating works but he's doing it on his ideals, not taking enough into consideration what his "students" are actually like. His heart is mostly in the right place but his head still has a lot of work to do.

Of course this role he takes on has to do with his being part of the aristocracy, the self-appointed civilized and morally superior (though I find interesting that he didn't even consider that most of the crew would probably be illiterate: it both shows his disconnect from reality AND a disposition to see this weird group of people as fundamentally the same as himself). But I also think he has received enough pain from the aristocratic environment to understand, at least at a subconscious level, that it has a violent way of suppressing anything that is different from itself. And that's why he's so ambivalent in this "teacher" role: he really wants to foster the gentler side (the side of him that got bullied and ridiculed and squashed by his society) but keeps getting very annoyed when he finds out that being different doesn't always mean being different in the same way as he is.

Enter Blackbeard. On one hand you have this like… powerful cool vibe that he just emits, and makes everything he's interested in cool. It's not just the Blackbeard legend, it's just… him. And he finds Stede's weirdness compelling, so the crew probably would have to reconsider? But he also brings some piracy to the crew's life. Life on the Revenge is different when Blackbeard's there, and the crew gets to live in this "best of both worlds" scenario, where they can be real pirates while also experiencing that emotionally open and accepting space that Stede was so willing (but pretty much unable on his own) to offer them.

But also! Stede getting to know Ed, learning piracy from him, helps him to get a little more grounded and open to the things that his crew enjoys. His attitude towards them changes, and of course their attitude towards him AND his bizarre ways changes too.

So on one hand there's the very stong message that the show is explicitly going for which is "you don't have to change who you are to be loved"; both Ed and Stede fall in love with the current version of each other, but then they DO change each other organically and this has this beautiful ripple effect on everyone around them (to the point that I would almost like to say that the muppet-world magic/liminal space of the Revenge properly starts existing when they are both on it... but I haven't thought about this enough, so I'll just leave it here for future thought).

[raggedy-dxctor]

If you have time for it can you consider doing an Izzy Hands x reader fic? Anything from platonic angst to pinning this skruckly man like one of those bugs in glass cases- what ever you think is best/comfortable with (love ur writing btw, it’s rlly good)

abso fucking lutely i can, i didn't think anyone would ever ask

mutual pining with izzy hands

pairing(s): izzy hands x gn!reader, brief mentions of oluwande x jim, lucius x black pete and edward x stede

warnings: mutual pining that results in a relationship, slight angst, slight deviation from plot (relationship between ed and stede is somewhat established on ship, stede never leaves), probably ooc izzy <3

izzy is the type to repress the feeling that he has for you out of sheer embarrassment and shame.

he feels like you could do so much better than him, especially since you've seen him do some horrible things, seeing as you've been apart of blackbeard's crew for so long too, so he'll just stare longingly at you across the room and imagine you next to him, your hand wrapped in his as he leans his head against yours

sometimes he sees you joking around with stede and just wants to run over and sweep you off your feet, he knows stede is committed and loyal to his boss, but he still can't help the twinge of jealousy

i feel like lucius picked up on the mutual feelings really fast? but only told nlack pete, who often point out the signs of your mutual feelings to eachother.

"look, babe, their pinkie fingers are interlocked!" "lucius, is it me or have they been staring into eachother's eyes for waaaay too long?" "izzy has been a little less agressive lately, don't ya think?"

ed definitely noticed a small change in izzy, but couldn't pinpoint why, so he fills stede in and stede is equally as clueless

i feel like one night izzy's desperation to be in your arms just gets so overwhelming that he just sits on his bed, with his head in his hands, when he would usually be bossing the crew around. lucius goes to check on him because it feels weird without him bossing them around and he just. finds izzy as a shell of the man he usually is

"izzy-?" "get the fuck out!" "izzy were you- crying?" "sigh no i was just pitying myself" and then they have an entire therapy session that izzy is reluctant to even talk in. eventually he opens up about liking someone and lucius goes "ok so you like them, y/n i mean, are you gonna do anything about it?!" izzy just freezes, his jaw hitting the floor

from that moment on, izzy finds himself feeling a lot less comfortable with showing his feelings for you. he'd do stuff like smile fondly at you for absolutely no reason, accept your hugs (and even prolong them), gently reach for your hand under the table, he even finds himself getting sleepy when it's just the two of you in a room together, he usually never feels that comfortable around anyone

as soon as he notices the feelings reciprocated, he takes the opportunity once you're alone together to gently pull you closer towards him and kiss you, honestly after it he's left stunned by his own confidence, but as soon as you reciprocate the kiss he just melts and grins

i feel like his love language is either physical touch, acts of service or words of affirmation, so once you confess your adoration for eachother he's the sweetest man you've ever met. every chance he gets he'll say "i love you" or praise you for something you've done on the ship today, even if it's just cheered Edward up or got rid of some pesky birds, this man is s whipped that he'll shower you with praise. "thank you so much darling, you did amazing today"

one time, you had a really good idea to cheer ed up so he just lit up and ran over to you, kissed you and then dashed towards ed's room, only realising his mistake once he got to the door of ed's room. to make it worse he was grinning like an idiot and shouted "oh my god! you're fucking brilliant!" atter he kissed you and ran off.

for the rest of the week, everyone just stared at him like a vulture, dumbfounded expressions on their faces as they struggled to comprehend how they hadn't noticed anything before, surely you'd been a thing for ages for izzy to even think about doing that? lucius just stood there, leaning against the rail with a sly smirk on his face. "you knew lucius?!" olu and jim just kinda gawk as lucius innocently shrugs

after a while the shock blew over and everyone just accepted that you and izzy were a thing, despite neither of you directly telling them that the two of you were dating. the only exception to that was ed.

"so, izzy, ive heard a rumour that you and y-" izzy just groans and throws his head back, already knowing what's about to come. "yeah- we are" he sighs, his eyes flashing back up to his boss for a sign of approval, only to see ed with a proud smile on his face, he claps izzy on the shoulder and congratulates him "im proud of you iz, you deserve eachother more than anything on this planet deserves air, i've always thought the two of you would be perfect together, i'm so glad you've finally found the one that'll stop you from being such an ass" he grins after finishing and chuckles, clearly showing that he's joking, and then he goes on a ramble about how he tried to set the two of you up once, but neither of you noticed. izzy finds himself tearing up slightly at the words and even gives ed a small smile. he rushes off to tell you all about it, only to find ed had done the exact same thing to you a day before, but ed had poured more feeling and pride into his words to izzy.

after that izzy vows not to give a single shit what anyone else thinks and proudly wraps an arm around you infront of the crew, after a while they just get used to it snd just completely normalize the new lovey dovey izzy

he's even more accepting and positive of ed and stede's relationship after it, it's as if the pure, unbridled love and adoration for you has defeated the anger and hatred that previously defined him

[biceratops7]

Something we don’t talk about enough:

I see lots of people who think Izzy is in love with Blackbeard, which btw can absolutely still be true, but let’s not ignore what Izzy already is to Ed… an abusive friend.

Um... no you didn’t.

In one of the very first scenes we see them interact, Izzy deliberately lies to him. Why? What is the point of telling him that Stede made those comments with full knowledge of who he was referring to? The point is that now Ed has a reason to “teach him a lesson.” Izzy doesn’t actually care why Ed wants to meet Stede, he just cares that it’s done in an acceptable way by his standards (aka violently). With Ed’s current state, Izzy is unsure he’s going to behave the way he wants him to. So he immediately uses subtle manipulation just in case, something that Ed would likely never notice.

We also see Izzy on several occasions try to manipulate Ed into distancing himself from any other person he could be close to, but also pulling back when Ed starts to catch on. When Ed starts visibly connecting with Stede, Izzy makes it pretty clear that he sees this as unacceptable and threatens abandonment… but then Ed claims that he’s actually planning to kill Stede. And suddenly Ed’s “still got it.” Abusers are really good at knowing when to threaten and when to hold back.

This same idea is applied when Stede is about to be shot by the firing squad. This is possibly the only time Izzy seems to speak to Ed with kindness… and is also possibly the most diabolical we see him.

A trademark of any abusive relationship is the feeling of isolation, that the world has fallen and they are the only ones either willing or able to shelter you from it no matter how they treat you. Izzy’s ensuring this by first of all, literally getting rid of the actual healthy relationship in Ed’s life, and second, swooping in and presenting himself as the only available alternative. He speaks kindly to Ed and reframes his abusive behavior as “loyalty to his captain”, aka “I hurt you because I love you.”

He even calls him Edward, something he’s been increasingly more and more against but is now doing it with such ease that Ed may doubt himself. “Was Izzy actually that much of an asshole about it before? Is he willing to do better? Was I just being a paranoid?”

Izzy essentially tries to love bomb Ed in this scene. Instead Ed punches him in the face and then successfully rescues his very kind and respectful boyfriend. Good for him 😂

But speaking of boyfriends… alright let’s talk about that scene.

Aside from “telling someone they should be dead and then calling them a slur” possibly winning a medal for worst way to treat a depressed person ever, this is where we get to see that all those manipulation tactics actually worked. If Izzy loves him enough to “tell the truth” no matter how hurtful or humiliating, then that means actual demonstrations of love are potential lies. After all, the first person to successfully show Ed that softness can come without a price has just betrayed his trust in a big way.

Is Ed’s vulnerability really being rewarded? Since when did it ever get be that simple? Are his real friends actually being kind… or is this passive aggression? A history of abuse puts people in a place where they are never sure. After all, pirates don’t have friends. They’re just in various stages of fucking each other over.

Abusive friends are almost never portrayed in media and I think they really should be. Bad friendships can be just as damaging and difficult to overcome as bad romantic and familial relationships. That is why I think it’s important for Izzy to remain a villain, and for Ed to eventually learn to see through him and either cast him out or demand better treatment. Because no one owes an abuser redemption, even if by virtue of the relationship people think you just “let it happen.”

[sixstepsaway]

so i sent you that ask a little while ago about the difference between meta written by people who enjoy izzy and people who tend to live in Ed Has Done Nothing Wrong Land (completely okay if you don’t recall btw! i assume you probably get a lot of messages) and holy shit thank you for saying ed should apologize to stede for some of the stuff he (meaning ed) did in e10 because i was out here feeling like i was completely off base for thinking stede is owed an apology for that. i try to read meta from varying sides of the fandom just to keep abreast of what’s going on, which is how i ended up making that observation of the differences in substance and text-supported analysis in ofmd meta in the first place, and i think i saw someone say something once like “well ed needs to apologize to the crew for marooning them but not to stede” and i thought hmm idk if i agree but i see their point and now i’m fully thinking that both stede and izzy (ABSOLUTELY izzy because oh my god?) are owed apologies from ed. stede for sure has his own apologizing to do (to ed and the crew), and he’s at fault for a lot, but ed actively trying to kill the crew is…well, that sure is something. stede’s certainly going to have to earn back ed’s trust, but now i honestly can’t imagine anything other than ed having to earn back stede’s trust as well? stede is definitely neglectful of everyone’s wellbeing early on, but by the time the series ends he’s more cognizant of his actions, and at the very least, close with lucius and olu; if the man you love tried to kill your friends (and may have succeeded in killing one?), there’s going to be some distrust there! and sure, maybe this all gets handwaved muppet-y style in the show itself, but i don’t think this justifies within fandom meta the claim that ed doesn’t have apologies to make and some growth to do in his relationship with stede. so thank you for the response and making me feel validated in this interpretation.

No I fully remember!!

The only thing Ed doesn't owe Stede an apology over is what he did to Izzy, and that's because Izzy isn't part of Stede's crew? Although, arguably, he sort of was part of the co-crew. But Lucius and co were absolutely Stede's people and his crew and Ed lashed out at them because they're Stede's people.

Like, I'm not saying Stede is owed a bigger apology than the crew - he is not, Ed did not try to kill him, he tried to kill them - but he's definitely owed one.

Maybe people are trying so hard to divorce themselves from the idea of (historical) Stede Bonnet as a slave owner, they're acting like the crew aren't Anything to him to avoid a feeling of ownership? But there's many, many shades in between 'nothing' and 'owned', and the crew were his crew. He was their captain. That means something.

Especially if you factor in that Stede almost certainly assumed Ed would return to the Revenge or that Izzy would take care of the crew. I don't think he put a lot of thought into it (he's-- a little selfish and singleminded, our Stede!) but there was certainly going to be a subconscious feeling of, "Well, [Ed/Izzy] will be taking care of them." If only because Ed and Izzy are both actual pirates who would surely take on the crew (which Izzy did). If not those feelings, then surely the knowledge the crew would look out for each other and figure something out (see: Oluwande nearly becoming captain).

It's like having a traumatic experience and bailing from an apartment you share with your best friend and thinking subconsciously, "He'll take care of my cats," as you run home to your parents, and then you come back later to find out he didn't even find the cats a new home he threw them out into the road and slammed the door because you left.

An apology is definitely owed. Especially if the only reason the cats survived is you found them mewling outside the door when you got home.

Stede needs to apologize for bailing out on Ed, but I don't think he owes a giant apology to the crew - they probably didn't expect him back, after all. If they did, they would surely have been saying, "Look, we just have to hack it under ~Captain Hands~ until Stede gets back," - and, similar to the cat metaphor, Stede definitely needs to say, "Hey, I'm really sorry for just leaving you like that, I thought you would be taken care of and you really weren't and that's on me," but it's Ed he actively hurt and left and owes an apology to.

That said, I don't think the apology he owes Ed is giant either? He did something shitty after agreeing to run away with him, but he didn't murder people Ed cared about or anything like that. He owes him a good apology, yes, and there will have to be a rebuilding of trust, but I don't think Stede needs to beg for forgiveness or anything like that.

In honesty, I think he needs to sincerely apologize to Ed for bailing, probably explain why he bailed (Chauncey's words, his panic over ruining Ed and his family who he clearly cared about etc) and then what comes after in regards to what Stede did, will be rebuilding a level of trust where Ed doesn't expect Stede to disappear every time the going gets tough.

Stede broke his heart, yes, but Ed massively overreacted to it and I think there's a bit of a trend in this fandom (affectionate) to really feel along with Ed how much it hurt and get angry at Stede over it.

So yes: they both have to rebuild a lot of trust, but Ed is the one that owes some really, really big apologies.

(There might even be, "What? You thought I wasn't coming back?! I was always coming back!" "Oh shit--" sort of apology, but we'll see where they go with that. I don't read Stede as intending to go back in 1x10, so it depends.)