#dysorexia

[victoria-calledbirdy-blog]

My lover, Dysorexia

My lover loves me more than I her.

She tells me she is beautiful

but I don’t believe her.

Her ribs jut out

her skin is stretched around her bones

deep ravines are sliced out from her hips

her knees have no fat around them

her legs don’t touch at all when she stands.

I see her everyday in the mirror.

She wraps her arms around me from behind

her legs wrap around mind

and whispers in my ear

while her clawed hands sap away my breasts

while her clawed hands scrape away my torso

while her feet dig into my thighs and rip my muscles away

while her breath forces my intestines to spit out what little I could eat.

I cannot make out what she says.

She and her employer Depression

are very good friends.

Depression gives Dysa clients

and Dysa saps away their strength so Depression

can work her magic.

My lover loves me more than I love her.

My lover, Dysorexia.

[crazystupidsloth]

DEPRESSION DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK FOR BEING HERE AND READING THIS.

Hullo there,

I just went back to check out my earlier posts and realised that I have been depression-free (practically) for over 2 years, which seems surreal now given how long my chronic depression lasted for. I am still fighting against consequences though, namely dysorexia (eating was very difficult for me and I still function on hungry-mode "by default") and self-doubt, but with the support of my therapist, treatment and peers, most days I now feel optimistic, which is nice and which I tend to take for granted most days.

So now, just the chronic anxiety, bipolarity and hypersensitivity to deal with haha! Easy... Right? 🤪 Relapse is always possible, I've only had one serious one and it was dealt with swiftly thanks to everything I've mentioned above.

So in short, I'm writing this for everyone out there who might read this and is currently suffering from depression or struggling with hopelessness. You guys are strong as fuck and there is something better, something great, down the line waiting for you. Hands will be there to pull you out of that fucking murky water and you will once again know what it feels like to be able to enjoy a whole fucking day without it being hard as hell, or gut-wrenching. You will even take it for granted, like I often do, because it won't even be on your mind anymore. You can get there, even if it is hard and even if it seems unrealistic, because you are fucking solid to still be here reading this when living your life is as hard as it is right now. Get professional help if you can, God knows it litterally changed my life, and keep pulling on that rope, even if the current is against you. Talking helps a bunch, to peers or to strangers, and I leaned a bunch of coping mechanisms on the Internet as well.

I love you and I hope you're alright, you got this.

P.S. If you are in a bad place and feel like talking to people you know is too hard because of the judgment and everything, it's a neat life-hack to talk to a stranger. On the internet, in a support group, or just to someone you bumped into at the bookstore who started chatting with you.

Here's quoka because they're adorable as fuck and I love them so much ❤️❤️❤️