#dude this is so fucking smart im gonna blow up

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

judy is also a v cute grandma english name bc of judy garland i think

wait holy shit i didnt even think of that oh my god. jade has MAD wizard of oz symbolism holy fuck your mind is galactically huge

-mod dave

[winderlylandchime]

2/3 ‘THEYRE TEACHING HER HOW TO GIVE BLOW JOBS? *starts doing the exercises with his mouth that Em is doing* I AM BEGGING FOR MIKE TO WALK IN NOW!’ ‘Oh Benny is stressed. Wait. Who’s paul?’ ‘BRIAN AND JUSTIN WORKING TOGETHER!! I want more of that! Go make him do another poster or something, that way you can get back together! Justin why are you standing so far away? Sit on his la-EXACTLY STAND CLOSER! ARE THEY GONNA KISS? LOOK AT THEM SMILING! Fucking hell Mike, they were gonna probably kiss and here you go cockblocking again. *pauses on Brian after Justin leaves* oh Brian! My sweet sweet pretty boy. You are so fucking in love and for some reason YOU DONT WANNA SAY IT?! Why is that huh? THAT *flaps his hand at Brian* is a look only a person who is heartbroken and in love can achieve!’ He is once again using Shazam and making his playlist. *flaps his hand at Mikey and Brian getting high* ‘what do I have to do to get something like that with Brian and Justin? Why can’t they lay around and eat and just hang? (mikey mentions paul) ohhh that’s who paul is..was..(i tell him Ben actually did mention paul and who he was)…well in my defense, i don’t usually pay attention when Ben talks’ And Debbie and Carl scene is up: ‘why is he not hugging her? Dude, you just had sex! You gotta cuddle! Provide some safety or something. *his jaw actually dropped* Oh so THAT is how they will piss me off. She did practice! whatever? Whatever?! OH YOU LITTLE SHIT! Who the fuck says that? Even IF SHE GAVE FREE BLOWJOBS TO GO AT THE DINER, YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT TO A PERSON! That’s fucked up bro. That is very very fucked up! Burn his house down debbie! YEAH! GET OUT! AND STAY THE HELL OUT!’ And then he immediately smiled because ‘BRI BRI AND JUSTIN! Plus a bonus? I know damn well it’s because he knows Justin needs money. Who’s Ian? WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?! Oh, Justin for sure is inspired by someone he loves which is why there is a painting of THEM HAVING SEX HANGING ON YOUR WALL!! He’s skipping class? Oh jealousy is a bitch and he is the president of that club. Brian don’t worry, i will personally make sure that he gets run over by a stampede of zebras. Or something’ ‘now why did Lindsay giggle like a school girl with a crush? Usually she’s all “be mature!! Dirty sex talk is weird’ the Ben steroid scene is up ‘so his whole thing is Buddha, working out and cooking.. does he ever do anything fun because this is like asmr for me, im about to fall asleep. Why is he buying vitamins from some random dude? Someone tell him about fruit and veggies’ ‘ohhh i like that coat on Emmett! A nice substitute for the fuck em all coat! OH FUCK YOU CARL. Ohhh that lady also has the coa-oh nevermind i see what they did here’ ‘is that what his friends think is a party? Justin? My boy. You know a party. This ain’t it. They are all so boring, Ben would fit right in. That *waves at Justin* is the look of a person who would rather french kiss a homeless guy than stay at this “party” for another second. YES HE IS AN ARTIST! HA! BRIAN WOULDVE APPRECIATED THAT COMMENT! And he would for sure add to it! But noooo Ethan here is acting like he’s never heard of the word cock.’ ‘OHHHHHH HE MADE AN ACTUAL CARNIVAL! Oh those two are gonna have a stroke seeing this. THAT MAN HAS GOLF BALLS COMING OUT OF HIS ASS *looks at me in shock* is that a real thing? Because if so? XFACTOR! *ethan is back on screen* OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! What did i do to deserve this torture? Oh his friends for sure have a groupchat without him in it. Justin nobody blames you for being tired, this would put an insomniac to sleep! Yes, leave him! Finally a smart decision’ ‘Now why is Carl back on my tv? No you cannot come i- DEBBIE. I SAID NO! HE ASKED LESBIANS FOR A TUTORIAL? Okay maybe there’s some hope for him..BUT DUDE CUDDLE AFTERWARDS!’ ‘Oh fuck you Mel! Fuck you all the way too hell. Not the kind of person you want as the father of YOUR child? And what’s Gus? Chopped liver? FUCK YOU. I am very upset because i like cool chicks in suits but i fear that she is not my cup of tea’

They teach her to give blow jobs... yep. And yes, Carl should cuddle afterwards. And not shame her!

I am so excited for your brother's reaction to Ben's steroid use!

Fandom collection to pay to have Ethan run over by a stampede of zebras. FOR BROTHER ANON!

That coat scene is so amazing. I love that your brother complimented the coat (RIP fuck them all coat) and then they pan to the sex worker wearing it.

Ben would fit right in at Ethan's party. OMG. If only Michael didn't (rightfully) hate Ethan... I would die for a fic where Ben and Ethan meet and hang out. It would cure my insomnia.

His friends for sure have a group chat without him in it. WOW. That is such a specific but clear insult. I'm stealing it.

Not the kind of person you want as the father of YOUR child? And what’s Gus? Chopped liver? FUCK YOU. I am very upset because i like cool chicks in suits but i fear that she is not my cup of tea

I'm just ending on that note because it is everything.

[luckyasfuck]

effects of being high [k. bakugou]

pairing // stoner!katsu x fem stoner!reader, mentions of seromina, mentions of kamijirou, mentions of serodenki, kirishima has a girlfriend

warnings/themes // no quirk!au, stoner!bakusquad, college students!bakusquad, confident and flirty reader, smoking sessions, NSFW, masturbation, praise, nipple play, oral sex (f!recieving), fingering (f!recieving)

inspiration // the hills - the weeknd

you had found the ‘bakusquad’ smoking weed in the back of the school a few days ago. they weren’t bothered by your presence, kirishima even invited you to sit beside him while he handed you one. their little ring leader wasn’t there, you noticed as you sat down and took the blunt from the red-haired stoner. “school shit, the teachers needed him. he is pretty smart.” they said. this mini session dragged out all afternoon, mina and sero occasionally shotgunned with each other, as well as kiri and his girlfriend. 

a ding erupted from your pocket and you pull your phone out. mina ashido! is typing. hm? mina? oh. the girl from the smoking sesh. she hit you up with a “i got ur snap from this dude in class, dw! we’re going to smoke again, u should join babes” you hum at the idea, “yeah sure, when”

“after school”

“im down” she left you on opened after that. 

class drags out to be long, mina had texted you the place a few minutes ago. it was at the park. the bell rings and you gather your stuff, the bakusquad already skipped their last class and went straight to the park so you hurried your steps. 

they were sat on the concrete floor, kirishima leaning on a ledge with his head thrown back into the middle of mina’s thighs as she sat on the ledge, denki and jirou were shotgunning, kirishima’s girlfriend on his lap, all while sero rolled up blunts.

and of course, bakugou katsuki. he sat a little far away from kirishima, manspreading while lighting up the blunt he encaged in his meaty fingers. he eyed your movements with knotted eyebrows as you dropped your bag down and stole a newly made one from sero, putting it in your mouth. his eyes widen when you come closer to his face, lighting your blunt with the lighter he was using while maintaining eye contact. 

“ooh, sexual tension.” denki commented as you sat down next to kirishima once again and you laugh. “i just forgot my lighter, no sexual tension here.” you looked beside you to katsuki, failing to see the smirk he hid with his hand as he held his blunt. 

the whole session was messy, kirishima and his girlfriend having a heated make out session that led to the both of them going home earlier than the others, sero and denki shotgunning as a dare from both mina and jirou, but you and katsuki kept quiet, enjoying the show. 

“it’s getting late,” you stood up, high. “i’m going home, i’ll see you guys on monday.” sero, denki and jirou waved goodbye at you with a smile, while mina went up and hugged you. you look at katsuki, walking up to him and nearing your face to him again. “see you on monday...” your whisper sent hot air straight to katsuki’s lips, making them tremble slightly. 

“oh my god, she’s so hot.” denki said as he watched katsuki smirk and throw his head back. 

you get home and your phone gets another notification. from bakugou katsuki. you swipe at the notification, “didn’t get the chance to get your snap, so i asked mina” katsuki started. “you’re hot” 

“i know” you chuckled, stripping of your clothes and laid on your bed in your underwear. “confident, i like that” the stoner replied, smirking through the screen. “bet you’d probably love it when i tell you i’m in my underwear right now”

“you’re really trying to get me hard, aren’t you?”

“maybe. what are you gonna do about it?”

“go to your house and fuck the shit out of you.”

“do it then.”

your thighs rub together unconciously at the thought, your hand wandering past the waistband of your panties to rub your clit. the image of katsuki manspreading clouded your head as your fingers dipped inside your hole, pushing in and out slowly. a moan of katsuki’s name escapes your lips as you bite down on it, legs spreading wider. you pump your fingers faster, nearing your orgasm. your spare hand cups your breasts under your bra, playing with your nipples. 

a knock on the door disturbs you mid-moan and you clench around your fingers, fixing your underwear and getting a large shirt that would cover you. katsuki leaned on your doorframe when you opened the door, another blunt in between his fingers. he took a whiff before throwing it to the ground, hoisting you up by your waist and pressing you to the wall. his hand forces your legs open as he situated himself between them. his lips touch yours and he blows the smoke into your mouth, making you moan. 

katsuki grinds his clothed hard on against your soaking panties, his tongue swirling down your throat. he has you panting when he pulls away from you, eyeing the string of saliva connecting your lips. in a second, his lips slam on yours again as he spoke against them, “so pretty for me, y/n.” his hands tug at the hem of your panties until he set you down and took them off, dangling them against your ankle.

he lifts you up again, rough jeans rubbing against your clit making you whimper. “where’s your room, pretty face?” he whispers in your ear, biting it. “upstairs.” you whimpered out, rubbing your cunt against his hard-on. with hurried steps, katsuki places you on your bed, taking his shirt off and getting on top of you. a greek god body, a perfectly sculpted thigh making itself cozy in between your legs. 

the shirt is ripped off of you, your bra unclipped and in seconds, you’re completely naked in front of him. his tongue licks a stripe up both your nipples, gently biting and sucking on them with his pearly whites. “katsu- hng, katsuki...” you wrapped your arms around his neck as he kissed lower and lower before stopping at your pelvic bone. 

“spread.” with a quick command, your legs instantly separate, giving him the best view of your glistening heat. your toes curl when he uses his fingers to spread your pussy lips apart, giving your insides a taste of his tongue. he sucks on your clit, two of his digits digging inside you. his cock is throbbing inside his jeans, staining his underwear with pre-cum.

the hot kisses travel upwards again, his lips capturing yours as he used his spare hand to take off his remaining clothes. he adds another fingers, scissoring them inside you as he swirled his tongue all around your mouth and lips. “ready for my cock, pretty face?” you throw your head back, nodding. 

katsuki presses kisses against your jaw and hickies on your neck, stroking his  cock and prodding his tip at your entrance. slowly pushing it inside, the both of you let out a moan. he lifts your hips up from the bed, pushing in at a better angle. you whine loudly, “just shove it in already!” he cocks an eyebrow at you smirking.

“you asked for it, pretty face.”

“do u think theyre fucking” denki chatted the bakusquad gc, attaching a screenshot of yours and katsuki’s location being at your house. “obv dumbass” jirou replied. “i feel bad for y/n’s pussy” “eijirou! dont say that!’ “PLS LSADHALKH” 

[cognitosclowns]

PART TWO OF ROBOTUS TRYING TO FIND YOU A MATCH PLS!!! WHEN HE REALIZES ITS HIM AAAA DO WHATEVER YOU WANT IM JUST CRAVING ROBOTUS HCS

MNSMDNSD I GOT A COUPLE REQS FOR THIS SO <33 HERE WE GOOOOOOO

(original post here)

all sfw!!! just some Clownery

I MENTIONED SOME DETAILS IN THE TAGS BUT IM GONNA GO INTO A BIT MORE DETAIL

As any Self Respecting Genius AI, the first step is Making A Very Long List.

You've already narrowed it down to Someone In Cognito, right? (theres fuckton of levels at cognito,, so lets maybe put that at like,, 5000 ppl?? 10 000?? im not sure what number is realistic bc,,, we don't have blueprints-)

BUT you obviously don't,, interact with all those people, right? You've never even BEEN in the Kaiju Research Department - so he can 86 all those. People you've talked about disliking, etc.

he narrows it down to a list of,, about 400 ppl, ranked most to least likely

(... yeah its a little biased. and by a little i mean a lot. Mostly because If You Had A Thing For fucking,, Chad In Biochem He Might Blow A Fuse Because You Could Do So Much Better)

AND FROM THERE, over the next few weeks he gets it down to 50< by keeping track of who you interact with the most!! He assumes that if you were interested in someone, you’d at least speak to them every few days, if not daily!!

he'll pop outta the woodwork every once in a while to,, give his best guess of the day.

'Quinn? They work in The Crypid Re-'

'Nope'

'... Am I at least getting closer?'

'If you figure it out, I'd be very surprised.'

'Are you insulting my intelligence? >:(('

'It isn't about your ~intelligence~, oh wise one. you just aren't gonna figure it out. Besides, it's never gonna be an answer you'll like (</3)'

'I'll like being right - Joseph Langat?'

's i g h'

If anybody asks why he cares so much, he's gonna claim boredom and/or pride. is that the truth?.... no

HE ABSOLUTELY GOES TO THE GANG ASKING FOR HELP AS,, THE LIST STARTS TO GET DOWN TO LIKE,, 20 PPL??

Does the gang know? ABSOLUTELY! are they gonna say Dick?? NOPE

its funny as hell watching him fumble around. He rarely,, doesn't know smth. Lots of room for teasing <3, trying to lead him towards the answer and trying not to crack up when He Just,, Can't Get It.

ANDRE REALLY DOES HIS BEST OKAY??

'Maybe you're going about this wrong - is there anyone they talk to every day without fail? Maybe, oh I don't know, someone they greet in the morning?'

'Well that doesn't help, the only person they do that to is me! Perhaps I need to backtrack...'

'... dude'

LISTEN EVENTUALLY MYC BREAKS HE FUCKING SNAPS HE CAN'T DO IT. ITS FUNNY BUT GOD ITS SO FRUSTRATING SEEING SOMEONE SO SMART BE SO DENSE. ONE DAY HE JUST,,

'holy shit, did you take a dip in the company pool and fry your fucking brain out? It's you. They've been making goo-goo eyes at you since August. How do you qualify as a sentient lifeform.'

LISTEN ALRIGHT THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN YOU TWO,,, GOES ABOUT AS WELL AS YOU'D EXPECT. If you catch him in the hallway??

'Any luck?' while you two,, make your way along the front foyer. Why not see how far along he’s gotten?

'Well, Myc thought it would be very funny to suggest you were interested in me of all people - what a ridiculous idea. As if I'd miss something as obvious as that.'

'...'

BUDDY YOU'RE GONNA START HEARING FUCKING DIAL UP NOISES I STG. 

HOLY FUCK THIS IS LIKE PRIMATES LEARNING TO BANG ROCKS TOGETHER. HIS EXPRESSION JUST GETS,, MORE AND MORE CONFUSED?? His eyes are just,, bouncing back and forth between two points on the floor?? he looks almost pained by his own stupidity?

'Holding up?' please tease him. it’s good for your soul <3

'Aside from wanting to throw myself into the sea, I am... pleasantly surprised?'

'pleasantly? Then I guess you wouldn’t mind a date? Maybe hide down in the basement levels and make fun of people on the security cams?'

‘... ᶦ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵃᶜᶜᵉᵖᵗᵃᵇˡᵉ <3’

<333333 AAA IDK IF THIS IS WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND!!! THIS WAS VERY FUN TO WRITE EITHER WAY

[moth--blood]

Rewatching IT Chapter One and this is what i wrote down in that time

• George's last word was him calling out to bill :(

• "is that how you wanna spend your summer? inside an arcade?" "beats spending it with your mother" i love them

• stan: *is reading from the book* "put the book back in my office, obviously ur not using it" bruh huh

• "hey eddie? are these your birth control pills?" "yeah, and im saving them for your sister -_-"

• "do you want one from me too mrs k? :D"

• DUDE THE LIBRARIAN JUST STARING AT BEN WITH THE BOOK SCENE MY GOD.

• "WOAH- henry!" the one redeeming character in Henry's lil possy and even then not that redeeming

• "not every fucking plant is poison ivy, Stanley"

• "have you ever heard of a staff infection? >:(" "*holding a stick* oh I'll show you a staff infection >:D"

• "..im fine. whats wrong with you?" "none of your business-" "theres a kid outside and he looks like someone killed him ;;-;;"

• god the first scene with Bev's dad is so fucking uncomfortable

• bev: *jumps off the cliff into the water* richie: "whAT THE FUCK-"

• ben: "cool, huh?" richie: "no :D"

• i think it would be interesting if they included the "*number of cents* for a blowjob" conversation Eddie has with the "homeless man" in the book into the movie, because that could lead a bit more into his character when we eventually get the confession in the second movie but i digress

• "wowowowowoah! what if her dad comes back?!" "do what you always do! start. talking. >:("

• oh my fucking god do i kin Ben.

• Eddie: "shut up richie" Stan: "yeah, shut up richie" Richie: "oOoooh, trash the trashmouth! >:("

• "wait- can only virgins see this stuff? ..is that why im not seein' this shit?" Richie Trashmouth Tozier my beloved

• "ROCK WAR! *gets it in the head with a rock*"

• and, of course, "go blow your dad you mullet wearing asshole!"

• i love the details of richie fighting the guy with the tuba ("fuck off dude! >:(") and then eddie giving him ice cream

• again: details man. eddie starts using his inhaler and Richie immediately looks over at him; when the slideshow starts going and shows IT richie reaches out to eddie and they're clinging onto each other until it "comes out of the projection"

• richie: "you guys are lucky we aren't measuring dicks" eddie: "shut up, richie."

• "beep beep richie :))"

• "dont let him get away" bill what the fuck.

• fuck u too Mrs K

• mike my dearly beloved

• okay Cinema Sins made this point before but this is such a good use of "Dear, God". its only the first verse but it portrays the emotion so well

• henry you leave that fucking cat alone you bitch. i hate you so much but i can admit your dads more of a dick than you are

• god i fucking hate her dad

• YEAAH KILL THE DICK

• "what sickness, ma?" YEAH EDDIE BABY YOU GOT THIS ILY

• i love how Mike brought the gun for the sheep with him. smart kid.

• i love the detail of Eddie going down the rope just like Bill did; it really shows his admiration for the guy, even if that admiration is limited because here its portrayed in film

• oh my god this scene the fucking dancing scene in the sewer this shit is so finny to me

• i love how mike basically just fucking murdered Henry

• oh my god stan honey nO BBY I SWEAR THEY STILL CARE ABOUT U

• "why isn't she waking up?!" ben honey

• .....i kin ben god fucking damnit

• "and now? im gonna have to kill this fucking clown. WELCOME TO THE LOSERS CLUB, ASSHOLE!"

• "i know what I'm doing for my summer experience essay." richie u little queer-coded mf i love you so much

• richie being the first to hug bill when he starts crying over georgies jacket :((

• oh god the dream/pact scene. ow. my heart. im already mourning for Eds and Stan ;-;

• the shot of the loser/lover cast im sobbing

• "I gotta go. ..i hate you. (smiles)" STANNNN

• not the kiss please bev ur getting blood on his face

[silveanna]

Nct 2020 + You as Class E

Y/N:

-Had bad records in your previous school and now you’re here

-plays around with ChenJi

-gives helpful advices to everyone

-likes to break the rules

-doesn’t get involve to gang fights cuz Taeyong did not allow you to

-you’re their precious little flower

-the boys have a lot of respect for you

-started a food fight once and got suspended

-“im like earth, already in a state of global warming”

Taeyong:

-the president

-always late

-is quiet and always frowning

-looks like he might suddenly punch someone

-but when you get to know him he’s actually

a nice person

-“I repeat, once you got in Class E, you’ll graduate as a student of Class E”

Kun:

-Class A banned you guys inside the cafeteria

-most of you are too lazy to cook your own food

-so Kun had to use his skills and cooks lunch everyday for his dear classmates

-the most decent

-always present

-the one who just watches when there’s a fight

-“I’m not giving you guys lunch for free, now pay up”

Taeil:

-looks innocent but not really

-always asleep

-would even sometimes sleeps on the floor and use his bag as a pillow

-easily catches up on the lessons/discussions

-“what’s our next class? homeroom? ok bye”

Johnny:

-the chill kid

-but when he gets angry u better run for your life bro

-the tallest so he sits at the very back of the room

-vibes with everyone

-damage to school properties is the main reason why he’s in the fam

-⚠️Don’t laugh AT him⚠️

-“not my problem”

Yuta:

-the arrogant one

-probably imagines beating the shit out of someone in his mind sometimes

-superior at sports

-paints his nails

-“I’m tired of seeing the same faces everyday”

Doyoung:

-The Vice President

-also a decent one

-is tired of taking care problematic dudes everyday

-doesn’t look like it but he’s a nerd

-is seatmates with Taeyong

-Cold af

-“shut up I’m trying to study here”

Ten:

-one of the moodmakers

-mocks his teachers

-always rest his foot on top of his table

-brings his pet cats to school

-puts big ass rocks inside his classmates bags

-“I just downloaded tiktok, follow me guys:)”

Jaehyun:

-the escort (duh)

-doesn’t give a fuck

-always a pageant candidate

-records the fights for ✨memories✨

-varsity player

-“can I go home now?”

Winwin:

-a very nice person

-became friends with you on the first day

-eats a lot

-shares his food with you

-“I only gave Y/N food! Why are you guys eating too?!!”

Jungwoo:

-a literal softie

-gets along with everyone

-the first one to be thrown in Class E

-others call him Zeus

-hides his classmates bag

-“I believe in hate at first sight”

Lucas:

-Chick boy

-also eats a lot

-but doesn’t like sharing his food

-no one wants to be smacked with that big ass hand

-steals pens

-“if you’re more handsome than me then she’ll probably choose you. Better luck next time bro”

Mark:

-got low grades and now he’s stuck with a bunch of intimidating guys who teases him everyday

-but he loves them

-is starting to adapt

-brings his guitar to school

-“wanna listen to some music?”

Xiaojun:

-plays games with yangyang at free time

-SMART

-goes with the flow

-jams with mark

-helps you with your math class

-“just tell me if you need help”

Hendery:

-looks normal but isn’t

-also a mood maker

-almost sets the school on 🔥

-lives at the same neighborhood with you, so he walks home with you sometimes

-“life is so hard I just want to be a fly”

Renjun:

-small but terrible

-likes astronomy

-would not hesitate to choke someone

-likes to tease others but when he’s the one being teased he gets angry

-doodles whenever he’s bored

-debates about the existence of aliens

-“i don’t want to live on this earth”

Jeno:

-also a varsity player

-the one who suddenly throws crumpled papers

-bad fingered his teacher

-plays with Ten’s Cats

-“If you want to rock, you gotta break the rules man“

Haechan:

-cHaOtic

-most likely to start a fight lol

-was caught stealing and now he’s in the family

-helps everyone cheat on their exams

-the only one who cleans the room

-“don’t worry I got you”

Jaemin:

-doesn’t like being called “nana”

-the super quiet one

-stays at the very corner of the room

-sleeps on the floor with taeil

-number one complainer

-“close the curtains, it’s too bright here”

Yangyang:

-the prankster

-drag racer

-makes fun of his hyungs 24/7 with haechan

-would step in a fight even though he doesn’t stand a chance at all

-just to protect his friends

-“Haechan! What’s the answer to number five test B?”

Shotaro:

-a cutie

-but a freaking gremlin like everyone else

-learns new tiktok dances with ten

-this boy may look innocent but in reality he beat up 5 grown ass men alone

-“^_^”

Sungchan:

-Class A’s president has a huge crush on him

-so he’s the only one allowed inside the cafeteria

-pretty chill

-looks up to Taeyong

-Hacker

-“I’m going to the cafeteria, does anyone want some snacks?”

Chenle:

-RICH KID

-🐬🐬🐬

-loud asf

-sings randomly

-“I kissed Class A’s president that’s why I’m here”

Jisung:

-sticks around with you all the time

-cuz he sees you as his older sibling

-adored by everyone

-got transferred in the wrong class but he likes it here

-“I baked cookies want one?”

Bonus:

It was a Normal day at NCTY High, you and sungchan were headed back to the classroom after being sent to detention. You bumped into a group of guys from Class D, half of them were smirking, the others glared at you and sungchan. It was strange to see them in a abandoned building since Class E is the only class who uses the building.

You and sungchan exchanged looks and shrugged.

Everyone was chaotic as always, you sat in your usual spot and chit chatted with the guys until Chenle started screaming and there’s fire crackers blasting everywhere making everyone left their seat and gathered at the very corner of the room.

Kun immediately opened the windows to let out the smoke, Doyoung and Taeil tries to calm everyone down but FAILS.

“WAAAHHH!!! We’re being attacked by terrorist!” Chenle screamed and hugged you, Jisung did the same.

“JOHNNY YOU’RE BIG ENOUGH! SHIELD US!”

“FUCK YOU!”

“WHERE’S XIAOJUN?!”

“I DON’T KNOW! MAYBE HE’S DEAD!”

“I CAN’T FIND MY CATS!”

You counted them all and noticed there was one missing aside from Xiaojun, PRESIDENT!

You looked around and saw Taeyong in his spot, idiot was still peacefully sleeping. “How could he even— Argh!” You reached for a book near you and threw it at Taeyong’s head. “WAKE UP YOU DOOFUS!”

Eventually he woked up and yawns, Taeyong cursed under his breath after he realized the situation. He came to you and also tried to calm the others down, Haechan hugged him from the back tightly “Pres! We’re all gonna DIEEE”

“Shut up! Doyoung! Get your ass over here!”

“Get a fire extinguisher! Quick!” He commanded.

“I can’t! The fire crackers are blocking our only exit, and I can’t jump off the window we’re on 4th floor” Doyoung explained, Taeyong couldn’t think and do anything but to face palm himself.

A cold breeze blows your skirt up midway, everyone stopped panicking and there was a figure at the door. It was Xiaojun, he was holding a fire extinguisher. Face almost covered with bruises Did Someone beat him up?. “Class D.. It was Class D!”

Knew it.

[hermannsthumb]

Hermann preparing for date night with Newt by selecting where to eat solely by what he has a coupon for. Or, ya know, frugal connoisseur Hermann. <3 ksci

inspired by a convo re: the fact that ksci @k-sci-janitor likes to make fun of me for never letting a coupon go to waste even if it means walking like 2 miles in the cold to use it :/ like im gonna NOT get a free Baja blast. (there is one small little allusion to some M rated stuff towards the end in this)

-------------------

It’s not a rare occurrence that Hermann will treat Newt to dinner when the mood of dining out strikes them, but the point is that he’s doing it in a way that’s supremely…shifty tonight. Well, maybe not shifty. Weird? For one thing, he didn’t tell Newt where they were going until they were already on the bus headed there, for another, it’s their sharing-a-lab-anniversary, which tradition dictates they evenly split a bill (even if the origins have more to do with both trying to show up the other and take advantage and order the most expensive shit on the menu). The weirdest thing is definitely that, when Hermann got up to pay the bill five minutes ago—a small, folded piece of paper clutched in his hand—he left his wallet laying next to his wine glass on the table.

Newt stirs his straw around in his cup of soda, clinking ice cubes against the sides, and squints at the wallet. Did Hermann bring cash to pay with? He could’ve stuck some in his pockets without Newt seeing, or his bank card, even, which would explain the forlorn wallet. Or maybe forgetting the wallet was totally an accident, and he’ll be back in a few seconds to pick it up and pay for real when he realizes. That’s probably it.

When Hermann comes back to their table, though, he doesn’t bother with his wallet—he takes his seat, picks up his wine glass, and tips it at Newt. “That was quite lovely, wasn’t it?”

Newt hums. “It was.”

“I quite liked the fish I got,” Hermann says.

“I loved my noodles,” Newt says. “We should try to copy the recipe back at the base.” He sets his straw delicately on the table. “How’d you pay without your wallet?”

“My wallet?” Hermann says. He makes a show of catching sight of the wallet, arches his eyebrows in mock surprise, and picks it up. Here we go. “Oh, goodness. Did I forget this? Well—it’s not as if I needed it…” He tucks it neatly into his inner jacket pocket.

“Hermann,” Newt says, rolling his eyes. “What’d you do, get a hundred-percent discount by reminding them we saved the world a few months ago?” Hermann shakes his head, and takes a long sip of his wine. “Did you write a check? Did you pretend we got food poisoning or something?” Hermann shakes his head again, and this time, his mouth begins to creep up into a smug smile. Newt remembers the piece of paper. “Dude. You got us a fucking Groupon. No wonder you were being so weird about what I was ordering!”

(“I think we ought to stick with the entrees labelled B, Newton,” Hermann had said, flipping a page forward in Newt’s menu. “They look—er—far better.”

“More expensive,” Newt had said.

“What’s it matter? I’m paying.” Hermann had pointed at the noodle dish Newt had ended up getting. “Look, I reckon you’d like that.”)

Hermann finally grins triumphantly. “I did—and saved us quite a decent from our ‘date night’ fund. Pity it didn’t extend to dessert, I suppose, but we could always find some ice cream at the commissary later.”

Newt can’t even pretend to be exasperated. The noodles rocked. And they would’ve rocked even more if he knew that Hermann was saving them a few bucks. “You’re such a weirdo,” Newt says, shaking his head, though he’s mirroring Hermann’s grin. “Is that why you picked this place?”

“Not entirely,” Hermann says. He takes a long, slow sip of his wine. “Mostly I picked it to make a point.”

“About?”

“About my being right.”

Newt sighs. Only Hermann would dredge up old arguments on Lab Anniversary Night. It wasn’t even an argument, really—all that happened was that Hermann asked Newt to hand him his glasses cleaning cloth from his parka, and it took Newt almost ten minutes because Hermann’s pockets were so jam-packed with a million little coupons for everything from granola bars (which they can get from the mess hall for free) to mouthwash (which Newt can snag from the commissary, also for free, whenever they need it) that he couldn’t find anything but. A majority of them were expired. Then Newt remarked on how Hermann was nuts, and Hermann remarked on how Newt didn’t understand the value of making smart financial decisions, and they went back and forth for a bit like that. This was a whole week ago, too. In terms of Newt and Hermann arguments, that’s more than ancient history. “Are we really talking about the fucking coupons now?” Newt says.

“Frugality pays off,” Hermann says, cryptically. “Now we really ought to head out. The forecast is calling for rain, and I don’t fancy getting caught in it.”

They get caught in the rain anyway. Newt invites himself over to Hermann’s bunk to dry off, because Hermann bought a space heater back when they were stationed in Russia, and it travelled with him here to aid through the long nights of overpowering A/C. Right now, it’s aiding Newt through stripping out of his wet clothes. When he’s down to just his boxers, he snags the quilt from Hermann’s bed, and waits for him to finish up in his little en suite bathroom to hopefully catch a hot shower. One of the unexpected side effects of the world not ending and most nonessential personnel leaving the ‘dome in doves is that they almost never run out of hot water anymore. Newt can take a shower at midnight and not freeze his ass off. It’s awesome, really.

Hermann emerges from the bathroom in a dorky little pair of pajamas, a dressing gown knotted at his waist. “Oh, Newton,” he sighs, and prods at Newt’s blanket cocoon with his cane, “not my grandmother’s quilt.”

“I’m dry!” Newt says. “Mostly!”

He gives up the quilt to Hermann and ducks into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He stuck a spare toothbrush in the medicine cabinet at some point, for when he was too sleepy and lazy after makeout sessions to go back to his bunk, and sure enough he finds it alongside a suspiciously generic-looking tube of toothpaste. It doesn’t even have a label. He doesn’t think much of it until he starts to use it, which is when he immediately gags and begins to rinse his mouth out with hot water. “What the hell is this toothpaste?” he chokes out. “It tastes—awful.”

“Ah,” Hermann says. He ducks his head into the bathroom, looking a bit sheepish. “Well. I found a coupon for that brand, and I know it’s not very, er, pleasant, but—I saved forty percent, Newton.” Newt continues to rinse his mouth out, this time adding some mouthwash into the mix. “Oh, really, now you’re just being dramatic. It’s only toothpaste.”

“Dude,” Newt says. “I feel like I just rubbed, like, acid cement all over my gums.”

“Ah,” Hermann repeats, guiltily.

A bit later, Newt goes in to kiss Hermann goodnight as they settle into Hermann’s bed together, but pulls back with a sad little pout when Hermann merely flinches away from him. “Oh, Newton, I’m sorry,” Hermann says, quickly wrapping his arms around Newt and kissing his neck. It softens the blow somewhat. “It’s that bloody toothpaste. You still smell like it. You’re right, it’s rubbish.”

“Tell you what,” Newt says, grumpily. “I’ll buy you a brand new tube tomorrow. My treat.”

Newt mostly forgets about the coupon thing for a bit. The odd little item crops up in the lab that makes him roll his eyes fondly at Hermann, but nothing as major as the Groupon or toothpaste. Hermann’s preferred tea brand swapped out for something Newt’s never heard of in a flavor that Hermann clearly detests, if his face when he drinks it is anything to go by, for example, the chocolate digestives Hermann keeps in his desk replaced with plain ones, his new box of chalk all in a salmony shade of pink and weak enough to snap apart under his fingers if he presses down too hard on his chalkboard. When Newt asks about the changes, the answer’s always the same: Hermann had a coupon for them, or they were less expensive than his usual. Newt just wishes he could understand where this sudden bought of thriftiness came from. It’s not like it was back during the war, where they had to pinch pennies and save in every area they could if they wanted to supplement their nonexistent funding. They’re actually getting paychecks now, on behalf of the UN’s guilty conscience! They have free room and board! They even put a few neat bucks away from some (heavily-redacted) interviews they did back in late January.

What Newt’s getting at is Hermann doesn’t have to limit them ordering out sushi to only places with free delivery on date nights, or skimp on his pizza toppings (four-topping down to two) so they can use a better coupon, or buy any of those subpar teabags or digestives or toothpaste tubes. But he just…is.

The tipping point occurs on a Saturday night about a month after the Groupon incident.

“Nn. Hermann. Do that again.”

“Do—?"

“Yeah.” Newt groans, turning his head to the side. “Oh, shit.”

“Newton—” Hermann kisses his throat. “Newton, you’re—”

“Wait.” Newt pauses. “What is that?”

“Oh, er.” Hermann pulls his hand away. “You mean the—the—?”

“Yeah. It feels…weird.” He frowns. “That is not what we used last time.”

“Oh. No. It isn’t.” Hermann clears his throat. “Well, Newton—see—we were out, so I thought I’d—I’d buy a larger bottle, to last us longer, and I happened to find a coupon for this lovely—er—gallon-sized—”

“You’re kidding,” Newt says.

“Only I thought it was a very frugal purchase,” Hermann says. “We do tend to, er, burn through it rather quickly.”

Newt rolls away from him. “Dude. We need to have a talk.”

Some brief amount of time later, they sit together on the end of Hermann’s bed, clad in their pajama bottoms and, in Hermann’s case, one of Newt’s sweatshirts. Newt waits until Hermann meets his eyes blushingly before he proceeds. “What is up with you lately?” he says. “You’ve been acting so—weird. Weirder than usual,” he amends. “Since when have you cared about saving a couple bucks on random shit like pizza?”

Hermann fidgets, and sighs, and finally reaches to pull open the drawer of his nightstand. He retrieves a piece of paper folded into quadrants, and for a wild moment Newt thinks it might be another Groupon. “Oh, I wanted it to be a surprise,” Hermann says. “I was going to wait until it was all finalized—but it’s close enough now, so I suppose there’s no harm in it.” He thrusts the paper out at Newt, and Newt—still wondering if it’s not another Groupon—unfolds it with surprise to find what looks like a flight itinerary. Two tickets for Hong Kong to Boston, with a short layover; then two more tickets a week after they land for a short trip from Boston to some town in Maine Newt recognizes as being seaside. They’re made out to Hermann Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler and purchased a little over a week ago.

“You kept telling me you wanted me to meet your father,” Hermann says, and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “And—I thought it might be nice, to have an—er—vacation, for a few days. We’ve certainly earned one. And it’s not as if we have any truly pressing obligations at the moment that can’t be put on hold for a week or two. I was planning on booking us a little cottage up in Maine—or maybe just a hotel room, I hadn’t decided—but we don’t have to if you don’t—”

“And you’ve been saving up for it?” Newt interrupts.

“For a few months now,” Hermann says. “Since February, in fact.”

“And that’s why…?”

The tips of Hermann’s ears turn red. “Every penny helped,” he says.

Newt carefully re-folds the itinerary, sets it aside, and then kisses Hermann soundly. It would be safe to say that Hermann’s thoughtful, romantic moods tend to be on the spontaneous side, probably as spontaneous as they are in Newt, so when one strikes Hermann (and in such a perfectly Hermann way as this one) Newt doesn’t like to take it for granted. “Of course I wanna go on vacation with you,” Newt says. “You rock. Seriously.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Hermann says, looking pleased.

[lost-in-jessiland]

Jeff From Omegle

You're now chatting with a random stranger. 

You: hey

Stranger: Hi

You: whats up

Stranger: M 19

Stranger: Im fine

Stranger: U ?

You: sweet I'm a woman and I'm 10 years older than you. hows life kid?

Stranger: Eh well im growing up

You: how so?

You: I need life advice

Stranger: Feels like life ahead is gonna be hard

Stranger: From me

Stranger: Okay shoot

Stranger: I will try

You: just like what do you mean by growing up? I feel like i need to grow up

You: but what is growing up lol

Stranger: Im figuring it out lol 😅

Stranger: U tell me

You: okay fine, do you work? lol

Stranger: Nope Student

You: major?

Stranger: Electrical

Stranger: Engineering

You: oh so what do those guys do? lol fix laptops or build rockets?

Stranger: Nah Just build system which keeps flow of electricity

You: like what lol

Stranger: Yupp thats true

Stranger: Its sucks

You: it sounds hard lol

You: i didnt go to college

Stranger: Oh

Stranger: Hey can ask u something

You: yeah always

Stranger: A relationship advice

You: okay hit me

Stranger: Are u married ?

You: no lmao

Stranger: Okay

Stranger: When do i know i found that person

You: when you've seen someone at their worst but still think they are amazing. still think they are beautiful.

You: not like grumpy morning, i mean pressures on, balls to the wall at their worst.

Stranger: Damn Wow thats some very mature stuff there

You: haha well thanks

Stranger: Thanks for enlightening me

Stranger: Lol

You: oh i do my best

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You: just need ur social security and moms maiden name and I can enlighten your day!

Stranger: 😂😂😂

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You: thanks. thats my strong suit

You: and whats that young grasshopper

Stranger: U said before u needed a advice

You: nope I just need advice on life. like omg I am a mess

You: you have no idea little one. stay in school and get a good job. find you a beautiful, loyal hunny and settle down lol

You: parties are bogus

You: lol can you build a time machine?

Stranger: Man feels like u had a hard past

You: absolutely not

You: My life aint tragic, thank you for askin

Stranger: Ohh

You: yeah lmao I a mess is all

Stranger: How so

You: omg lemme tell you what

Stranger: Is it a relationship ?

You: what? no? lol its the wrinkles

You: men don't rule girl world lol

You: if youre a smart girl

Stranger: Ohhhh

You: yeaaaaaaaaa

You: is u a virgin?

Stranger: Ahh

Stranger: Well yup

You: i'm sorry grasshopper, but maybe you do a party

You: get out there and put ur dick in something

You: male female it dont matter just perferrably human

Stranger: Well that's the plan

Stranger: 😂😂

Stranger: Ur funny

You: again thank you

Stranger: When did u lost ur Virginity

You: psshy

You: I was 17

You: blow jobs werent enuf anymore

Stranger: Damn

You: after a year I had to give it up

You: or this slut Robbi was gonna steal him

You: her name is ROBBI thats a boys name who sleeps with a chick named after a dude

You: i bet robbi would sleep with you

Stranger: Hahaha 😂

You: for free too

Stranger: Oh thanks thats a very generous offer there

You: shes like a year younger than i am

You: tho she has had twins

You: but hey find a wall and stick to my friend

Stranger: Where u from

Stranger: Us ?

You: the great united states

You: wby

You: you seem like a canadian

Stranger: Israel

You: omg

You: whyyyy

Stranger: Im original from Europe

You: i thought you were cool

You: ughhh Jeff, can I call you Jeff?....Jeff this sucks

You: why Jeff why?

Stranger: 😂😂

Stranger: Yeah go for it

You: Listen Jefffffff

You: dont hack my computer okay

You: I have lots of sick porn you dont wanna see

You: and some pretty awesome cat pics too

You: my cats are awesome'

You: Jeff you would love them

Stranger: I love cats

You: Captain Kush and New Jack are their names

You: they are the best things ever

Stranger: Wow

You: but if you get close they will claw you

You: cause they only like americans

Stranger: Cats are the most cuttest and adorable animal on this planet

You: they are racist cats

You: :/

Stranger: 😂

Stranger: Yeah is that so

You: oh yess

You: if you wear your head cover, they will make sure to rip it to shreds'

You: they wanna see your forhead

You: they get sus when they cant see ur forehead

Stranger: I can imagine that

You: yeah

Stranger: Lol

You: do you like foreheads

You: jeff do u like forheads

Stranger: Yup

Stranger: Its a kink or something lol

You: foreheads are your kink

You: jeff are you lying to me

You: jeff dont lie to me

You: we have a history jeff

You: listen jeff

Stranger: Sup

You: dont lie about kinks

You: those are serious stuff

Stranger: Whats ur ?

You: huh?

Stranger: Im kidding

Stranger: U don't have to answer

You: you didnt ask me anything Jeff

You: Try google translate that shit is legit

Stranger: Ok

You: whats ur ? Jefffffah

You: ?????????????

Stranger: Hmmm

Stranger: Idk

You: whatever Jeff

You: You can Call me other Jeff

You: okay

You: Jeff?

Stranger: Hey other jeff

You: thats my kink

Stranger: Wtf 😂

Stranger: Wow

You: what is other Jeff wearing

You: ;)

Stranger: U asking me ?

You: yeah what am I (other Jeff) wearing when you picture other Jeff?

Stranger: Wait a min

Stranger: Its confusing

You: okay anyting for Jeff

Stranger: Im jeff

Stranger: Lets call u Larry

You: yes and I am other Jeff

You: no

You: thats not sexy

You: I AM OTHER JEFF

Stranger: Okay fine

Stranger: Haha

You: ;)

You: yessss

You: that makes other Jeff happy

You: and horny

You: happy horny other Jeff

Stranger: U horny ?

You: other Jeff is so horny for Jeff

You: thinking about sweating forheads while Jeff thinks of what to say next makes me wanna wipe it off with my hand and make Jeff lick it off of other Jeff's hand.

You: then you can lick the sweat off of other Jeff's forehead

Stranger: Man that's Gross

You: you

You: said

Stranger: Really

You: forheads

You: were your

You: kink

Stranger: Nah

You: other Jeff was trying to be sexy for Jeff

You: the fuck

Stranger: Thast gross 😂

You: DON'T make me GET THE SLUT PADDLE

Stranger: Okay

You: so lick the forehead sweat Jeff

You: or other Jeff will spank you

Stranger: That sounds gross

You: okay fine what syour real kink then

You: JEFF

You: dont lie this time

You: fucker

You: other Jeff can be real sexy

Stranger: Hey can i ask u something?

You: anything Jeff

You: u know that

Stranger: Hey can i ask u something ?

You: omg yes

Stranger: Its kinda sexual

You: yes Jeff

You: JEFF

You: YES GIVE ME THAT QUESTION YES

You: JEFFFF

Stranger: How does a pussy taste like

Stranger: The fluid

You: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

You: hahahaha

You: AHAHHAHAHHAHAH

You: hahahhahahhahahah

You: hahahhahah

You: og

You: DEAR LORD JESUS HELP JEFF

help him see the light

Stranger: Yeah pls

You: you are the worst man I have ever met

Stranger: My pleasure

You: bow to God and beg that he forgives you JEff

You: Jeff

Stranger: Will do

You: may I ask a question?

Stranger: Shoot

You: what do you think pussy juice tastes like Jeff?

Stranger: I dk

You: guess stupid

Stranger: Sweet sour ish ?

You: okay then it tastes sweet sourish Jeff, Hope you like those Sour Patch Kids 

cuz thats what ur in for Jeff

You: you honestly got boring so fast Jefff like ugh . why? you suck at being a towel head.

You: islamijeff

You: orwhereeveryousaidurfrom

Stranger: Im not

You: likeugh

You: ihateyoujeff

You: istgihateyou

You: omg

Stranger: Bye then

You: i love you

You: dont leave me

Stranger: Me too

You: you love me JEFF

You: wil you move to america and be with me JEff

Stranger: Nah im bored . Thanks for talking .

You: go to the airport and say my name is Jeff

other Jeff has paid my ticket to Merica.

Stranger: Bye byee

You: b

Stranger has disconnected.

[merlinssaggyyfronts]

BBC Merlin Rewatch:

01x01: The Dragon’s Call

—

FIRSTLY THE FUCKING DESCRIPTION LMAO “Merlin, a young country boy” COUNTRY BOY AHAHDHSNDH IF ONLY YOU KNEW!!! ITS LIKE SETTING SOMEONE UP FOR DISASTER BUT THEN AGAIN THEY WERE SO LIKE I MEAN-

aw look at merlin all happy and smily, walking into camelot like he isnt going to witness the death of his best friend/king and basically everyone he loves

LOOK AT HIM HES SO HAPPY!!! HE DOESNT KNOW YET

“like everyone, he must live and learn” yo shut ur bitchass up lizard man u literally tried to murder everyone in camelot that one time

“his name: traumatised 😍😍”

AH YES THE OPENING!!1!1!-!-! AHHH THE AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS I FEEL HEARING THE OPENING

fuck ur bitchass uther no one likes u

“i pride myself as a fair and just king” sir didnt u like basically kill ur wife... and thousands of peo- OH MY GOD MORGANA BB ILY

oh jesus okay hes dead um chile-

“when i came to this land” wait i thought he was raised kn camelot brb i forgot im an idiot wait,,, does this mean before this it was the du bois family on the throne of camelot?? also, mired in chaos? u mean like.... before ur wife died and everyone was living peacefully? ....okay

“merlin, seeing a person who's been stated had been studying magic get beheaded: [a magical being himself] ah,, welcoming.” -my gf

“since the great dragon was captured” ....so did no one think about where they put a dragon?? a captured one at that. ud think he’d be more smart but nah he just left a random ass dragon under his castle like THAT is going to end well

YUHH MARY COLLJNS HATE HIM!!! YELL BABEY YELL!!! “you took my son!” YES MURDER HIM OMG I CAN FEEL HER PAIN

“a son for a son!” omg why couldnt u have killed uther bb ur the perfect villain i love u ur literally just a loving mother i-

OOOOO GAIUS

.....why is there a bunny mask in there

why is thERE A BUNNY MASK-

why didnt merlins eyes glow when he dragged the bed to gaius to save him

also whats this slomo magic why didnt he do this after this why did season one haveso much magic and like every other season was just everyone throwing it back

like i get instinctual magic but like.... if its instinctual wouldnt it happen more especially when his powers get stronger-

gaius: what did you just do?!

also gaius, five seconds later: i know what it was!! i just wanted to know where you learned it

merlin: 😐

merlin, about his magic: i was born like this

gaius, who knows full well warlocks exist: impossible!

(are warlocks naturally born knowing how to use magic without learning? i mean if u have to learn magic like a sorcerer then whats the difference between a warlock and a sorcerer cuz wouldnt sorcerers atleast have to have some magic in them to actually cast spells? am i dumb or do i just not get it)

wait so merlin arrived in camelot on a wednesday

merlin, walking into camelot: it is wednesday my dudes

merlin: [witnesses an execution] aaaAAAAAA-

“someone that might help him find a purpose of his gifts” oh honey he’ll get something mUCH LARGER THAN THAT-

—

oH MORGANA

SHUT UR BITCHASS UTHER SHE WILL KILL YOU-

“the more brutal you are, the more enemies you’ll create” oh the waY SHE PREDICTED THEIR FUTURE OO

ah bless u lady helen/mary collins we love them spicy villains

...why do you have a dressing table in a tent

[watches mary collins murder lady helen] i never snitch on dadd- ...someone pls delete me

merlin, about his instinctual magic: i just do it!

gaius: ...lord have mercy what did i just sign myself up to

what ever happened to sir olwen did he die from accidentally overdosing

—

oHHH THERE HE IS THERE HE IS THERES MY BOY!!! MY LIL PRAT MAN!!!!

merlin looks so offended, oh god i could watch this whole scene for HOURS

oooOOOO YES MERLIN FUCK HIM UP!!! SHOW HIM WHOS BOSS

“do i know you?” “im merlin” “so i dont know you” ugh theres already sexual tension

“i would never have a friend who could be such an ass” “or i one so stupid”

also them, ten years later: “i use my magic for you arthur, only you” “just hold me” “i cant lose him! hes my friend!” “thank you..”

“tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?” OOOOH THE BOYS ARE FLIRTING

NOT THE “would you like me to help you?” SIR YOU ARE FLIRTING SO INTENSELY AND DONT EVEN REALISE IT SIR DO YOU KNOW YOURE FALLING IN LOVE

im convinced atleast half the knights with arthur were like “ayo thas kinda sus bro 😳😳 ayo 😳😳”

arthur: tell me merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to help you?

merlin: ....i really dont know how to answer that

imagine being paid to throw fruits at colin morgan omg id be so thrilled

OOOH HERE COMES OUR QUEEN GWEN!!! MY LOVE MY EVERYTHING YES ILY

gwen: well, arthur looks like one of those, save the world kinda men... and you dont

merlin, 1500 years later, having failed his destiny: well i mean you’re not wrong

—

gaius: uther banned magic a long time ago

merlin, flabbergasted as if he wasnt raised on tales of the death of his kind every day in the kingdom right next to his: why?!?!?

gaius: the dragon is imprisoned where nobody can free him

merlin:

(that is the face of someone knowing full well hes going to free that dragon. look at him. he’s already made up his mind.)

—

[sees merlin and arthur in the marketplace] oh heres he is again heres the lil bitxh ooo theyre about to FIGHT

god hes flirting so hard without even realising it, oh my god

“i could take you apart with one blow” “i could take you apart with less” um sirs this is a mcdonalds drive thru 😃

arthur: ahah, you’re in trouble now~ 😏😏

i had to pause cuz wHAT THE HELL WHY DOES HE SOUND LIKE THAT-

—

....yall are yelling very loudly, um, arent there guards near yall? people passing by? please relax

“im just a nobody, and i always will be” OH IF ONLY YOU KNEWWW

“if i cant use magic, i might as well die” ....well, ive got a surprise for you-

“maybe theres someone with more magic than me?” like... a whole dragon? i mean if you say so 👀

merlin about why he was born like this: if you cant tell me, no one can!

a fucking dragon, basically every magical creature and the druids: WELL-

the camelot guards are so stupid how the hell is this kingdom still standing

how does kilgharrah know merlins name? in prophecy hes known as emrys (and we see basically every magical being call him emrys and not merlin,, i think). so how does he know? did he stretch his neck long enough that he could somehow hear merlin? is it cuz theyre kin? is it cuz merlin and gaius were yelling so loudly that kilgharrah could hear them all the way in his cave? ig we’ll never know 🖐

merlin: where are you?!

kilgharrah:

kilgharrah: without you, arthur will never succeed.

merlin: ....oh look, im already paranoid

the amount of sadness i feel hearing kilgharrah say “none of us can choose our destiny, merlin. and none of us can escape it” is INSANE cuz in season one you can SEE merlin trying to escape it. hes doing his damned best trying to have some control over his life. and then in later seasons you can see the light slowly drain from his eyes as he becomes just another toy for the gods to be entertained by. he realises he cant control a single thing about his life so he does the one thing he can: protect arthur. and he loses SO MUCH because of it! its not fair, he deserved so much, and when he finally got everything he could ever ask for, it was taken away from him by his own mistakes.

arthur, seeing morgana in a beautiful dress: god have mercy 😍

uther: .....um

the way they set arthur and morgana up as if they arent gonna make them siblings i- what the fawk 😄

person A, who knows arthurian lore: oh no! arthur is going to have an affair with morgan(a) and have mordred! oh no!!

person B, whos seen merlin: oh no in this show its worse

person B, knowing full well theyre siblings: much worse....

gwen: who’d wanna marry arthur? 🙄

-

gwen, getting crowned queen of camelot: well fuck

hhhnghnh yes queen sing them to sleep yes murder his bitchass (and fail but like its the thought that counts)

on a sidenote tho this is such a fun way to murder someone, id try this

the absolutely OFFENDED “FATHER!” and the horrified look in arthurs eyss when uther announced merlin would be his manservant is PRICELESS OMG

oh the way uther unintentionally plants the first seed of his sons love story omg 😍😍

Conclusion: this episode is a 10/10 greatest episode with so many iconic scenes omg. mary collins u will forever have my heart for unintentionally kickstarting merlin and arthurs relationship destiny. i loved the whole thing and oh GOD does it already hurt knowing full well how the show ends

[mochuelovelli]

Lilith for the character ask?

Oh boy, a controversial character! Gotta say, I stan James Charles /J

How do I feel about this character?:

On a real note, I do like Lilith as a character. When we first meet her, she's pompous and proud. Oozing with entitlement, she's easy to route against and you like to see her get worked up and "brought down" to Eda's level as the wild which so eloquently put it. Later on, but not too much later that it feels disingenuous, we really get to see her show that she cares for her sister. One might believe it is *Eda* being ridiculous, as far as the audience is aware, Lilith's offer holds little downsides. Eda would be cured and be afforded the luxuries of the upper class AND keep her magic. All she had to do was be the Emperor's soldier.

As to not get off track by talking about Eda, (im sure Lilith herself would loathe that lol) Lilith's reveal to have cursed her sister over a spot in the emperor's coven was...controversial to say the least. I don't think it's unpopular to voice that, yeah. It could've been communicated better to the audience since I saw plenty of commentators and regular fans themselves either thought Lilith cursing her sister was *needlessly* petty and not at all thought out (which yeah it kinda was).

From where I stand on that issue is, yeah, Lilith's whole reason to curse her sister could've been avoided by just talking to her sister and asking her to let her have this. BUT, I think a lot of people forget that the Emperor's coven would want to limit the number of powerful witches in their coven. Sure, Belos would want to be protected by a bunch of loyal soldiers, but he wouldn't want too much of the population to ever have a much power as him. So limiting the number of members in not just his coven but possible in the other major covens, would aid in controlling that population.

This might be pure hogwash but like, there are a ton of other "lesser" covens. So in my mind, it's more likely that the general population of witches gets sorted into one of the various miscellaneous. If you think limiting yourself to only practicing Illusion magic sucks, imagine only practicing whatever the fuck the "swag coven" does.

Lol gonna add a page break this shit is getting too long

Romantic Ships for this character?:

Hm, it's only s1 and we haven't seen her interact w/ many characters outside of her fam/Belos/actual children. I kinda jokingly ship here with Steve lol. Kikimora and her also have a funny dynamic but in all actuality, I don't ship her w/ anyone rn.

Non-Romantic Ships for this character?:

Her and Hooty lol. I mean Eda is an obvious answer but like, Hooty fucking with Lilith is too funny to not want to see. Her and King would be great too, probably get some good B plots out of it. It would be a good contrast since they both can be petty but in different ways and I think that would help flesh out their characters a bit more and maybe cause some introspection (at least on Lilith’s end lol)

Unpopular opinion about this character?:

Lol. I feel like she is such a divisive character in general that most opinions about her aren’t too out of the main stream. I guess a more meta take is that when she’s portrayed in fanworks, usually fanfic but not exclusively, very...one note lol. She’s usually a pretty flat, boring character in an attempt to highlight the contrast between her and Eda. She’s the straight-laced, “responsible” sibling who has a chip on her shoulder. In fanon, that equates to her characterization to either be like, completely and utterly apologetic to the point where it becomes unbelievable for any person to do. Her apologizing or making amends is usually quickly forgiven by Luz/and or Eda. Sure, Luz is very forgiving person naturally but like?? She’s wasn’t mad in canon too much about THEIR well being (almost getting impaled), she was specifically pissed about Lilith betraying Eda. 

So, if Lilith is a big part of your story (and it’s working in the realm of canon), then this should be a problem which doesn’t get resolved by just ONE big action. I also feel like her being on better terms with Eda would come BEFORE Luz since Eda’s main gripe with her would be about her being annoyed by Lilith’s controlling nature and the fact that she didn’t trust her enough to talk about her feelings back when she was first cursed (also her using Luz against her but I feel like that would probably be a hurdle that wouldn’t really be over come until Lilith in turn would be willing to sacrifice herself for Luz while also making an effort to care for Luz as a person not just see her as a “pet”). Hhhh this section is so long and its kinda bleeding over in the next question so-

Something I wish will happen or would have wanted to happen in canon?:

yall if you are still reading I am so sorry sksk

I want Lilith in general, not to be forgiven by either Luz or Eda. Eda probably early on stating about how she is unsure if she could EVER forgive her sister for what she has done. BUT, critically, Eda would see that Lilith is trying and she is willing to work with her (with a unhelpful dose of teasing) because at the end of the day she still loves her sister. For the relationship they had before everything with south, for knowing her side of the story even though she believes it doesn’t justify her actions. She understands and sympathizes, she’s grown a bit softer thanks to Luz, which is very funny since I want Luz to be the one who is the hardest to convince Lilith actually had a change of heart but more on that later. 

Before I move on to what I want her path towards forgiveness with Luz looks like, I want to bring up a parallel that I haven’t seen many people make. Fans always talk about the parallel between the Clawthornes and Luz/Amity, and rightly so because there is a lot to extrapolate there, but I think another interesting dynamic that might be interesting to see in s2 would be an episode that focuses on lost friendship/sisterhood with the Clawthornes and Amity and Willow. It’s kinda funny that Amity and Willow’s friendship was ruined because Willow was too “weak” while Eda was too “powerful”. In a potential episode, it can show the progression both Eda/Lilith and Willow/Amity are making in rekindling their relationship with each other. For Eda and Lilith this would be a lot more rough around the edges since it both be either the first or one of the first attempts at doing so while Willow/Amity would maybe be further along yet still have some major/minor hang ups with one another. With Willow/Amity, their relationship would either be rounding the bend of fully moving past the “idk how to feel about you stage” or it is stated outright that Willow forgives Amity, (and by forgive, I mean in the “we both know what you did, you’ve actually changed. we won’t have the same relationship that we once had but I’m okay with trying again”). In contrast, Lilith and Eda would reach a understanding and come up with some ground rules on how to handle each other (Eda’s main take away from this “episode” would be what I previously stated in the last question), ones that will be more like guidelines cuz its Eda lol. Also what separates the Clawthornes conflict from the Willow/Amity one (besides the obvious) is that the Clawthornes both know how the other works. Which buttons to push and all that so both of them are going to have to learn to resist doing that, at least a bit, in order to actually progress. 

ANYWAYS, I also want Luz to be the one to regard Lilith the coldest. Luz refusing to let Lilith teach her anything despite probably having more practical/book smarts knowledge on magic theory than Eda because she doesn’t trust her. If they are gonna use that masked dude as a spy, I want Luz to assume Lilith is somehow a coconspirator. This plot thread doesn’t have to be going at 100% the whole time, (in fact I would want it to be a temp thing maybe lasting a couple eps at most or like, just something that is hinted at but not dived deeply until the second half of the season). Really, Lilith has a hard time because Luz straight up doesn’t give her the opportunity to really express her regret/remorse. Lilith probably won’t at first give her a ton of reasons to forgive her as she usually attempts at coming back at Luz’s snide remarks with her own quippy comebacks. Sksk a really angsty end to an attempt could include Lilith saying something to Luz after going on a small talk with her (where yeah Lilith has improved but still needs noticeable work) that she “reminds her a lot of Eda” and Luz bites back with something like “Oh yeah? You going to curse me too? You want another person you can force to do what YOU want?”. 

Hell maybe “parental problems” could have Lilith poke at, either on purpose or accidentally, Luz’s feelings about going back to the human world and Camila. Lilith reminding her, maybe unknowingly, reminds her a lot of her mom and that causes her to blow up on her. Luz would hate that comparison, thinking about how similar her mom and Lilith are to one another. That because she still has such a strong dislike of Lilith, it bleeds over into how Luz views Camila and vice versa. In that, both Camila and Lilith value respect, an adherence to the rules, have a great sense of wisdom (arguably for Lilith lol /hj), and (eventually for Lilith once she gets to know Luz better) a genuine want for Luz to succeed and belief in her even though they are critical of her actions at times. Sure Eda reminds her of that more, motherly protective kind of love, in which she would do anything for her to be happy and healthy. Lilith can be the other side of that, the worry and slight doubt. That familiar way they each go about trying to understand and get close to Luz yet not quite getting it yet would still do whatever she’d ask for her sake. Luz at first would take Lilith being disappointed in her actions as an accomplishment. As they grow closer and the more Lilith reminds her of her mom, it becomes scary. The disappointment hurts and in an effort not to feel like that again and to not want to think about the comparison between Lilith and her mother she will snap back at her. Eventually Lilith would then have to change again and reassure her that she cares and by extent, her mother cares to. It is here Lilith is willing to let go of being so constantly controlling and learns to encourage first (or do some form of the compliment sandwich) and Luz comes to peace with her feelings about her mother and understands her position better. To be able to love herself even if she knows that she will always try to do her best. 

oh my fucking god you made it im so sorry i guess i had a lot of thoughts. fffffff

[thesvenqueen]

TWO MORE TO GOOOO

S&B Episode 7

- OHHH a Jesper title card HELL YEA I LOVE IT - ughhhhh who CARES for this backstory because it's NOT me - but also MORE BEN YEE - sheesh Ben that acting boi, I nearly feel sorry for your character...nearly.. - S H E E S H heads will roll apparently - I mean, Baghra is not wrong. you leaned on FEAR instead of just earning RESPECT - WHY DOES NO ONE EVER LISTEN TO BAGHRA OMG if everyone would have just listened to Bagrha we wouldn't fucking be here - yeah y'all fucked - well, that went super well - DAMN he really carried Baghra that far SHEEEEEESH - "I made soemthing" yeah no shit - You can see Kaz struggling so hard to help Inej but his phobia just not allowing him to and my god, Freddy fucking Carter understood the assignment - Freddy Carter, Amita Suman & Kit Young UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT PERFECTLY - "I'd miss me too. I'm fantastic." you shit lmao - I didn't mention this last time but the way they show Mal being able to hear/detect the stag is actually super smart and will def help with future stuff too. brilliant little thing to add - oh isn't he BEAUTIFUL - I mean, as someone that used to hunt, I genuinely would not want to shoot the stag. it's too beautiful - Ivan you shit head wtf - OH FFS CAN WE STOP NEARLY KILLING MAL SO MUCH JESUS - dramatic ass entrance for such a dramatic ass piece of shit lmao - WAS THAT NECESSARY?!? - Awww, thanks for fixing the cane Jesper bb - "what else is there?" idk how about telling her HOW YOU FEEL AND HOW YOU NEED HER FFS KAZ COME ONNNNNN - daaaaaaamn Kaz admitting he was wrong for once, WILD - MY CROWS SHUT UP IMMA CRY - "No saint ever watched over me. Not like you have." TATTOO THIS ON ME NOW. I AM DYING OVER THIS SO MUCH I AM AHHHHHHHHH - "I can't go back to the Menagerie" "You won't." GIRL YOU THINK HE GONNA LET YOU GO BACK WITHOUT FIGHTING FOR YOU DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU TALKING TO????? - DAVID NOOOO. - I mean, she right. nothing has been up to her since the beginning. - M A N I P U L A T O R - that is NOT an answer homie. you avoided the one question she fucking needed an answer to ughhhhh - OHHHH this is a cool concept. in the books you hear ALina's thoughts and feelings of how she felt him controlling her powers, but that's not really possible hear so adding the little bit of the antler onto the darkling's hand to show he has control....I like it!! keeps the audience understanding whats going on - David, bb, I don't blame you at all but also DAMN IT WHY YOU SO SMART - "Jes?!" THIS WHOLE SCENE I AM DYINGGGGGG THAT SLOW TURN TO INEJ I CAN'T - "It's Suli, for friendship!" JESPER'S FUCKING FACE & THE LITTLE FEET KICKS HE KNOWS ITS BUGGING KAZ AND HE LOVES IT IM CRYINGGGG OH MY GOD - I could legit rewatch this scene over and over again for days, it's too fucking good I cannot - GENYA - .....well this blows - Oh Genya, oh sweet Genya I am SO sorry. but he def put you in that position and for SURE our are his pawn dude come ON. He placed you with Alina for a fucking REASON - well Jesper loves a bit of role play sooooooo - "I'm a man of my word" Oh PUH-LEASE - you only appreciate the POWER she brings you, stfu - "you are a child" and you're a git - TELL HIM MAL - ZAMN ZADDY, you look fly af - GASP MILO!!! HOW?!? - THAT IS YOUR MOTHER YOU RUDE ASS BITCH - telling half truths is still L Y I N G - cool motives, still shitty - "Make me your villain" Done and done sir, thanksssssss - LOOKED OLDER?!?! stfu and KAZ'S FACE IN THE BACK OMG y'all are such shit I can NOT - L I A R. again, all these fucking LIES and you don't get why she doesn't trust you - NO MOURNERS, NO FUNERALS

The dynamic between the crows UGH I can not talk about it ENOUGH. The casting is absolutely perfect for them, honest to god! Ben is absolutely killing it though, hate the character which means he's doing an amazing job. GOD I really am going to be rewatching this for a third time now aren't I?

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V8E2 LiveThoughts

And now, for episode 2; same deal as last time, spoilers for this weeks episode. 

RT getting a wee bit too real with the “curfew in effect” sign on the side of that building in the opening. Least here its a visible noticeable threat and not Corona. Still.

Oh, heh. “Hope has no place here.” Always did love that line. But that might just be the grimdark fan in me.

Overall Im not a huge fan of this seasons opening, it doesnt sound as melodic as the last couple ones. More...chaotic. I think thats intentionally but Im still not a fan.

Dude, Qrow, thats unsanitary. Seriously, clean that shit off. You’re gonna get like, tetnus or something.

And Robyn complaining to Qrow. I mean shes not WRONG but at the same time SHE was the one who decided to pass out during the crash. Dont go throwing blame around Hill, you were just as useless and dumb as everyone but Tyrian in that whole section of last season.

Correction, shes talking to Jasque Scnee who is SOMEHOW in the same prison as they are. Additional; hardlight cells with no visible emitters, no toilet or other commodities. This must be a holding cell of some kind. Unless the bed they all have is ALSO a toilet. Ew.

Yeah you sure about that Schnee? Indirect murder is still murder.

Whh...WATTS IS IN HERE TOO?! WHAT THE FUCK IRONWOOD. You dont have a maximum security like, ICEBOX lock up? Dude this is just ASKING for trouble.

Watt’s black eye is still there. Maybe there is something to him not having his aura fully unlocked. Or...something else. Im really confused about that.

Odd cell structure. Impromptu? Or is this whole room just modular. Cause its WAY too big to house just this many prisoners. Im getting the feeling this is impromtu, yeah.

Schnee thinks hes getting out, sucker. 

Mad props to the Atlas soldier for the brutality. NOW HIT HIM AGAIN.  Robyns smirk gives me life.

And Qrow suggests Operation Valkyrie. Im down. Ironwoods proven useless at this point, maybe his replacement will be more tactically viable.

Alright, Atlas has pulled all military forces out of Mantle. Guess that means Ash and CAMO would be out too. Officially anyway. Making note for future threads...

Cute about the news guy, but I LOVE the fact you can hear the former masculinity in May’s voice here, like she isnt fully finished transitioning. If its intentional, bravo. If not, still cool.

“Its time to show your teeth, Mantle.”  HELL FUCKING YES THATS THE KINDA SHIT IVE BEEN WANTING TO HEAR!

Ah and there’s the hoverbikes from the teasers. I really dont get why they’re so goddamn big. Surely you can miniatruize hovertech...right?

They’re big enough to have weapons installed IMO. They should have.

Ah okay here’s the rest of the trailer

Hey look more lesbians. Boy that one on the left is MAD.

I cannot believe these Grimm are dumb enough to not go AROUND the dropwall (and Im going to call it that until I get something else, its literally the equipment from Halo Infinite’s release trailer). I get Grimm are dumb but damn bro.

Ah okay, THATS the split. All the faunus live in the slums down in the crater. Mantle proper is the mid-level, and then Atlas is humans for the most part. As far as I can tell anyway. Literal stratification. 

Ugh, that whole conversation was so expositiony. Jesus fucking christ.

Holy shit this crews moving slow. Like, good fucking lord.

Personaly headcanon; that tiny fox toy Oscar rides past on his bike is later retreived by Ash. That is actually his bootprint on it too oddly enough.

Unity in this situation, Ozpin? Not likely. What you need is miltiary intervention and firepower.

Still not sure why there’s smokestacks in Mantle if everything on Remnant runs on Dust. Maybe its steam vents for the heating system.

So the Crater is literally a divide. Like a circular diamond mine or one of those “rabbit hole” gold ones. Literal wall holding its outside. 

Snowshoe Shipping. New company. Full autonomous workforce from the looks of it. SDC related of course. And its still running despite everything. The drones here are literally AKs. Motherfucker, I think I know where the idea for them came from. SDC literally just weaponized its fucking worker robots. 

And apperently Dust is refined in the Crater. Okay that makes sense. Does it come from outside or are they still mining it there I wonder.

Oh pnumatic elevator. STEALING THAT

“That isn’t relevant at the moment.” WAY TO DODGE THE QUESTION RT. YEAH BECAUSE THERES TOTALLY NOT OTHER COMPANIES OUT THERE RIGHT?

What the fuck happened to Penny? Did becoming the Maiden make her emo?

Lol yeah people are gonna die, its WAR Penny, eat shit and get over it. Fucking weaklings...

Your the maiden. Get over it. Go kill some people, you’ll feel better. Relish in power.

And Weiss is now dead from either pressure shock, thermobaric style lung implosion, forceful impact, or just being crushed flat. Oh, and asphyxiation.  Seriously that was the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. REALLY NORA.

Oh hey, a banjo in the crater. It really is hicksville.

Fire dust crystals right into a metal container to keep it  going. Holy shit it only took us 8 seasons to see Dust used physically again...

Sheep nom map. Nom nom. 

Wonder who this Crimson she mentioned is.

Lil hops. Oh no shes too cute.  Also it seems Mantle is divided into sectors. Useful information. Wonder what designates them.

Hahahah Fiona’s uncles a mole XD

And good to know “crap” is a swearword on Remnant.

Sounds like Crimson is a person with the Huntress’s. With his accent Im going to personally imagine his a grizzled former veteran, like Sergeant Stacker from Halo.

Note; the map says “Mantle City”. Interesting. Wonder what the other option is. Crater?

Ohhh and a spudmasher. Wait...no thats not a grenade. Some kind of gravitational surge thing. Again. Okay seriously RT is it so hard to just make a FUCKING WEAPON? Nothing fancy, no special features, just something that kills the fucking enemy. 

Okay...what the hell. Those Grimm cleared out like they got a retreat signal...

Ohho whats this now...this thing looks a LOT more interesting. And SAVAGE. Damn, its beating the SHIT out of Oscar! I think I like this one.

It transforms. Like the Zeta Gundam. FASCINATING. So it must have a rapid transport/assault form of the original dog one then changes to this new one for close in? Or carrying I guess, its stealing Oscar. This must be the thing that Salem sent.

Yeah kinda looks like a werewolf.

Soooo why were they just standing there watching this thing beat up on him? It was open for a couple of seconds. Surely it cant be they were worried about Oscar, the best thign to do if an enemy is grappling your friend is to get in and take advantage of it. 

Its smart too, used Oscar as a meatshield. Apperently just long enough to distract Yang and then yeet her. 

Its got ONE HAND with Oscar in it you idiots, hit it all at once! Go for the legs and the other arm, knock it down, blow its head off. COME ON, its OBVIOUS.

Oh hey it talked. Good. That means it can probably feel pain.

There is no way those legs should work like that. They’re too small and its torsos the wrong shape. This things breaking physics. 

The arms are also way too long.

Also why are you just standing there watching it grow wings? Kill the fucking thing already.  Gotta admit the movement and screaming makes me think it feels pain. Interesting. Good to know.  That or its just body horror/squick.

And thats the episode. I like how Fiona calls them “kids” though shes probably about their age. 

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S1 E6

quarantine diaries: may 23 2020

season 1 episode 6 “His Sister’s Keeper”

**i threw in a theory here so obviously if its spoilery don’t answer it but if not please answer my questions or lmk your opinions on my theories cuz im genuinely curious if anyone else share the same thoughts.

oh we’re finally getting some backstory on octavia and bellamy.

wow she really had a baby all by herself no epidural no nothing. girl power

i just love how bellamy goes to clarke to talk about his worries about octavia missing and she listens. she doesn’t just brush him off and she offers to help him find her. ok i feel the slight zutara energy

octavia is fucked dude. that grounder is gonna ground her. 

finn gets a hair cut. idk if i like tho but i guess he no longer looks like a wannabe/ soft boi version of warren peace from sky high

finn. finn. finn. you are such a player. raven literally risked her life to come down for you and yet you can’t keep clarke out your head like her pussy is that good? also raven brings up a good point: its literally been 10 days (i thought that the 100 were already out here for weeks) really finn you could have kept your pants on. it wasn’t like you getting any when you were in lockup. weak. i tell you. weak. you can not have your cake and eat it too

*frowny face* to bellamy’s face when he realizes that their message didn’t work and hundreds of people were killed on the ark and that he fucked up big time

ok i know y’all find this cynical but literally why are all these kids still following bellamy. like he don’t have a gun no more. also this kids never formed friendships to octavia before so why are they so loyal to her and willing to go on a suicidal search mission. i don’t want to bash too much octavia but most of her personality is that she was hidden under the floor for most of her life (meaning that she was sheltered even tho she really don’t act like it), that she is a HUGE flirt (her love interest dies and then she’s instantly with another guy) (in this episode especially they show her being socially awkward, so i wonder how she became so self-confident), and that she is rebellious in response to bellamy’s protectiveness. plus, even if she were to befriend these other kids they really only met like 10 days ago. Really it wasn’t like everyone on camp loved her and yet im to believe that that there’s a good number of people that would risk their lives to find her. ok 

“my sister, my responsibility” says bellamy and proceeds to walk into a forest with a bunch of hanging skeletons hmmmmm i have an older brother too. we’re close but im 100% sure my brother would never. 

questions for y’all: who is bellamy’s father? who is octavia’s father? are they half siblings? cuz like they really don’t look alike and bellamy’s father is blatantly omitted from this episode. i have a theory that that guards person (inspector bruce) that their mom does sexual favors for is the father of octavia but idk. and based on bellamy’s hair style in the flashbacks (being pushed back) plus his general build i think that Kane is is father. do i have any proof? no but look

again im just shooting in the dark and maybe spewing garbage but i mean... look at them. they also clearly take about the children of those in the council (ie thelonius and wells, abby and clarke) but never talk about kane. suspious. not that he seems like the father type tho he does seem like the type to have an illegitimate child that he does not care for (judgy i know but can you blame me)

that backstory between raven and finn. i ship it but honestly the way that finn is still havin feelings for clarke makes me think that raven deserves better

these grounders have them traps. oooo kill’em. these grounders actually be smart tho

i have a bad feelin’ about this masquerade dance... yep she really be caught like that and bellamy just wanted to do a nice thing 

another side note: is it just me or does masquerade octavia look like a really poor version of that girl in 50 shades of gray (im not a fan of the series so idk her name but i remember seeing the trailers) 

also i haven’t mentioned it early but like the sound track for this show is bringing me back.

this tension between raven and clarke i dont like. FINN IS NOT WORTH IT. sisters are supposed to be supporting sisters but fuck that i guess

what are the odds that the grounder they follow is the same exact one that has octavia. also you’re supposed to make sure your enemy is actually dead but no now finn is stabbed

oh this is a beauty and the beast situation between octavia and the grounder. literally tho why is octavia defending him. yes he did heal her but he also really chained her up after she ran away. do i detect stockholm syndrome? yes i do. in the episode the grounder literally caries octavia just like this:

Kinda reminds me of twilight with Jacob and Bella

this blow-up between octavia and bellamy was a long time coming. bellamy saying “my life ended the day you were born” that was loooow..... you know he was waiting to say that line all his life. also im waiting for octavia to grow on me but its been 6 episodes and i still don’t like her 

[phoenixpinks]

Things Team Lazarus said during EoD starters

"When all else fails, Lex Luthor intends to kill Superman with Death." "HOLY BAT, BATMAN!" "WAIT SO WAIT WHAT???" "We're not in any danger! We're just nerds solving riddles on the internet!" "I ain't dressing up every night to find someone to punch" "I don't need to dress up every night to find someone to punch" "my son won't respond to my texts about wearing a bullet proof best, he is so grounded" "HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN IT'S TIME FOR FEAR" "NO FORTS. ONLY JUSTICE." "we're conventing court in the fort" "We pun to forget tears though" "Im gonna release all of these come the end of this, nothing is sacred" "he faked his death to get away from us" "but, it's all in good pun" "This is our life now" "you could have fit a meme in there" "oh god it is going to be a time thing" "yes how dare you say a meme I don't know, or whatever that is" "it only hurts if you let it hurt" "lies, I almost cried last night I will have none of your nonsense" "i am of a sensitive disposition. everything hurts" "Worse than my solving my problems with ___ and cocaine idea?" "you don't mix ANYTHING with cocaine, instant death" "Can I mix water with cocaine" "I may not have a coffee problem but I am surrouned by 5 different types of soda cans rn" "the soccer van, but for super villains" "we can alwats tie some people to the top of the car with bungee cords" "free test subject right here" "Ya'll gnna get yourselves killed" "My guy I'm lowekey terrified 24/7." "you're always screaming" "ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT" "I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ANYTHING" "you do not need to focus on that" "bye whoever’s leaving, I can't keep track of all of you" "you're attractive and love crime, I'm attractive and love crime. Let's be attractive and commit crimes together." "Dr we will never send puns again if you promise to stop getting into death traps" "I only said it was nice to see him again with the living. I may not sound it, but I'm absolutely ecstatic" "wow I mean he's probably not the best at running" "Kick him in the knees" "Hes DIED, He'll be fine" "I COME HOME TO PAIN!!!!" "fuck you ____ you suck at taking care of yourself" "Yes now shut up and sleep in a bed tonight instead of a ditch" "Being unconscious does not count as sleep" "IT'S NOT THE PUNISHMENT YOU DESERVE, BUT IT'S THE PUNISHMENT YOU NEED" 'We need justice for these puns" "Honestly anyone int he crowd might have snapped and shit him just to shut him up" "it was me guys" "you did the world a service fam" "YOU HAVE TAINTED HIM" "WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE, ____" "Nnnnnng that hurt me" "i gtg, I want to finish this report before 3 A.M" "procrastination at its finest" "get in losers we're going spooping" "Why have we formed a cult" "This was not what i expected when i first asked to join the skype group" "All groups of friends make cults at some point" "would it be irresponsible of me to send a message saying 'run bitch run'? "WHEN I TOLD HIM TO KICK ASS AND TAKE NAMES THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT" "I GO ON WARCRAFT FOR TEN FUCKING MINUTES AND IT ALL GOES TO SHIT" "I instinctively covered my ears at the gunshots but then I remembered I was wearing headphones" *does the 'I'm so smart' dance "Mother always told me I was special" "I hope we're blowing this way out of proportion but at the same time this would be a hilarious plot twist" "WHOO BOY SCREENSHOT" "He's moved from senpai to fam" "He's probably lughing in his cellar" "dial dow the thirst there my dude lmao, ily thou" "I for one always overreact" "I never overreact. WHY. ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY SOMETHING" "___ ARE YOU ON HELIUM???" "I COME BACK AND WHAT DO I FIND" "WHY CAN'T THE RIDDLES LEAD SOMEWHERE SAFE!?! LIKW I DON'T KNOW! A DUCK POND OR I DON'T KNOW!!" "because my mind went from 'do we know any duck themed villains' to that weird French duck from courage the cowardly dog" "SHE'S HATING ON MY BOI JULIUS CAESAR" "it's been 2060 years __ im" "knife to meet your boi julius caesar" "Ok i'll hit you up next year when it's 2061" "YOU CAN HIT ME UP WHEN I'M DEAD FAM" "___ has nominated me as a Fish, or a frog, I don't even know" "if im bill the lizard youre gonna be a fish w me" "MAYBE I LIKE BEING DROP KICKED" "there is so much anger on that voice that is just covered layer of 'fuck this'" "Really? Legwork? Oh, this is grand." "give me your free time im dying in work" "it's a supervillainy way though" "I'm already dating a weeb and then I come here and WHAT DO I SEE" "I'm going to smack you all" "Everyone go stand in the corner" "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS OH MY GOD" "I never had an anime phase I win" "everybody loves him but the sentiment is not reciprocated" "i will be ashamed for the rest of my life, but sure" "time to Google... aight Google isn't helping" "Tfw you kill ___, Reblog if you agree" "he looks like you should just start punching him and never stop" "when did we start being about ____'s butt" "We're allowed to be proud because it's obvious the guy is salty and not happy with our success." "I'M DISOWNING YOU ALL, EVEN HIM" "oh hey it's midnight" "you can't cheat the champion of cheating" "you cheated and I shall cheat harder" "I'd hope that I'd at least be captured by honorable idiots" "NO DUMBO RIDES. ONLY JUSTICE." "you and I are on separate wavelengths than" "OKAY STRICTLY UPDATE THEY ARE NOW PLAYING WAKE ME UP INSIDE WHATS HAPPENING" "don't meme shame me bro" "Your memes are stale, and you are stale" "lol what is romantic human interaction" "what is human interaction" "what is interaction" "What is human" "this is the worst thing I have ever created and I will burn for this" "I look at him directly and said fuck you" "I gotta go eat dinner y'all are fucking insane" "I WILL RUN EXPERIMENTS IN THE BASEMENT WHO'S WITH ME??" "Do you have any redeeming qualities" "c'mon skype lemme transer sewing via you...." "are you kidding, this is better than all the tv shows I'm behind on" "MURDER ROADTRIP" "Rosaceae are refuscent, Violas are cerulean, Cane crystals are saccharine, homogeneous to you" "WE ARE THE BEST GROUPIES" "shes not even here, she chickened out of the fight" "Tfw your brain is memes" "Twf yer also an adult" "Yup. Exactly Sad O'Clock" "So sad o'clock is midnight o fifty, got it"

[pandastern]

Gravity (Bakugou x OC)

Part 1: A Huntress stalks the night

Bakugou x Vigilante!OC

Warnings: angst, explicit language, violence

Word count: 2143

Genre: enemies to lovers ; angst ; romance

When a new student makes an entrance, Bakugou has a real bad feeling. There is something about this girl that just doesnt feel right. From the flaming hair to the calculating glint in her green eyes, everything about her just pisses him off.

Little does he know that his fate is intertwined with the person he despises so much, defining his future path in a way he would have never expected.

“Hostage Situation: six civilians inside, one with the criminal on the roof at gunpoint, all of them women.”

Katsuki looked up into the night sky, eyeing the small figures on the rooftop. The criminal was standing close to the edge, pressing a gun against the temple of the hostage in his arms. It was quite high up, and the building was old, so Katsuki would have to be careful going in. One wrong explosion and the whole thing could come down, burying heroes, villains and civilians all the same. He had to admit, the criminal was smart.

“Ground Zero?”

The voice of the police officer with his tablet at hand snapped him out of his thought.

“I know the goddamn situation,” he growled, and dedicated his attention back to the victim. He’d need backup for this one, despite how much he hated it. Usually he worked alone, his quirk versatile enough to ensure success. But this was different. Green lightning hit the ground next to him and made people around him gasp and jump aside.

“Seems like they were counting on you to show up here, Ka-chan,” Deku said, straightening after his landing and clapping his childhood friend on the back. “Got your call. What’s the plan?”

There had been times when the familiarity Deku treated him with had made him go off in a rage. But now he was older and knew damn well even he needed support at times.

“Seven victims. One piece of shit with a gun holding a hostage on the roof. Rickety building,” he grumbled, crossing his arms. He’d love to just blow this vermin to bits and be done with it. But it wasn’t that kind of day.

“Fuckin’ bastards.”

“Hmm. So, we have to be careful going inside. The building could-”

“I fucking know that. That’s why you’re here, for fuck’s sake,” Katsuki snapped. “You go inside and look after the women. I’ll take care of the vermin on the roof.”

Not being in the mood for quite so many words, he stomped off. Deku knew how to work with him, so there was no need to talk strategy.

Heavy rain drummed on the asphalt, soaking Katsuki to the bone. A shiver ran over his skin as he checked where best to enter and get on top of the building, the big full moon illuminating his way. He’d worked these streets as a hero ten fucking years now. It was becoming increasingly hard to be surprised at the cruelty and oftentimes stupidity of criminals and villains, putting civilians in danger or causing chaos in his city.

Soon, he found the back entrance of the neighbouring building. It was a little shorter than the one he was trying to get on top of, but he figured he could just blast himself up there with a well-planted explosion. Quickly, he strode up the staircase of the abandoned building, taking two or three steps at a time.

He had every reason to hurry. Criminals like this never had good nerves, especially those who held innocent people at gunpoint, and as soon as Deku started doing his thing inside, the man on top would surely be alarmed.

From outside he heard screams and the sound of guns going off. Speak of the devil…

“Shit! Fucking awesome,” he hissed and quickened his step, sprinting up the last flight of stars before throwing himself against the metal door of the roof. 

The moment he stepped outside, raindrops drummed down on him like hail, the wind up here turning the water droplets almost into shards of ice. Not that he was able to feel much cold.

Katsuki let out a curse and rushed to the edge of the building. Down on the ground, he could make out some of his fellow colleagues having it out with a group of villains that had emerged from the shadows. They would be okay, he knew that. His attention returned to the man standing alone in the moonlight.

They weren’t too far apart, so his calculations had been spot on. But he couldn’t just blast up there if he didn’t want to risk the life of the sobbing woman with the gun to her head.

Shit. Great. Because he was so good with negotiating.

“You better let her go, you shitfaced bastard!” he roared up through the heavy rain. “You know damn well I’ll blast you to shit if you hurt her.”

“Fuck you!” the criminal shouted back in a high pitched voice. ”You won’t do shit! Number two hero, my ass. You can’t do nuthin’ ‘cause you can’t have her dead!”

Growling a string of curses Katsuki desperately tried to come up with a way to get up to the building without endangering the victim so he could beat the ever living shit out of that arsehole.

“Ka-chan! What’s the situation?”

The voice coming out of the communication device in his ear made him flinch.

“That fucker has the woman too close to the edge,” said Katsuki. “I’m gonna blast up there and kick him in the face before he can actually shoot. Can you create a distraction inside?”

“Uhh.” The sound of shots being fired “I’ll do my best but im under fire! Give me a minute.”

“We don’t have a fucking minute, Deku!”

This was why he worked alone. Usually. This bullshit was ripping his nerves to shreds. 

“Just do it, Deku! Make yourself fucking useful and stop playing,” Bakugou hissed into the device.

“You fucking heroes think you can do whatever you want. I’ll show you! I’ll take this bitch with me before I die!” came another shriek from the upper roof. This dude really was pushing his luck.

Through the strong rain, Katsuki watched as the burly man dragged the helpless woman closer towards the edge. Was he going to throw her off?

His body moved quickly, getting ready to either blast up there or somehow catch the falling woman.

“You better not fucking move! I’ll rip you to shreds and feed you your own shi-”

Katsuki heard something slice through air and rain like an arrow, followed by a wet thud. The world fell quiet, as if time were standing still.

Katsuki’s blood grew cold. An ice arrow had lodged itself right between the criminal’s eyes. The burly man staggered, one step, then another, dropping the weapon he had been holding. Then he fell, and with him the woman.

“Fuck!”

Katsuki flung himself into the air, the explosion of his quirk giving him the needed momentum. He grabbed the falling woman in midair, wrapping his arms around her before the two of them hit the window of the opposite building. Glass shattered and sliced Katsuki’s exposed skin as he rolled over the floor, trying not to break any of his or the woman’s bones.

“Ka-chan!” Deku’s voice sounded relieved and shocked at the same time. “What happ-”

Katsuki had no time to reply. The assassin was still out there. He knew she was. Why the fuck was she here again? He should have known better. She always got involved in shit like this.

“Take her outside!” he barked, and thrust the woman he’d just saved into his friend’s arms. “It’s her! She shot the bastard.”

Realisation dawned on Deku’s face and he turned pale. Without a word, he picked up the sobbing but apparently unharmed woman and rushed downstairs while Bakugou flung himself out of the window again. It only took a few blasts for him to get to the top of the building.

“Where are you?” he yelled into the dark. It had to be her. He knew it was her. Only one person took out villains with that kind of technique. Arrows of ice - her one signature, because they never left any traces once melted. “Show yourself!”

“No need to yell. I’m right here, Katsuki.”

A chill ran down Katsuki’s spine. He’d recognize that voice anywhere. It had been haunting his dreams for so many years now. The slight drawl to his name, the accent forming around Japanese words.

He turned to face the assassin.

There she was, untamed red hair glowing in the moonlight like a flame, her small frame outlined by the full moon. The Huntress vigilante that stalked the night.

“Artemis,” he said. His voice sounded rough.

Something painful stirred in his chest and he cursed himself. 

She still had the water bow that her quirk had allowed her to form in her hand. Green eyes gleamed at him through the black mask that covered half of her face. There was a softness to them, something he knew she held only for him.

“It’s been a while,” she said, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“Don’t give me that shit,” he hissed, his heart clenching in his chest. How many times had she spoiled his cases this way? Killing without mercy and leaving no traces behind. But he knew her. The way she moved, talked, even her scent was something he could pick out of a thousand people.

She shrugged and the bow in her hand disintegrated.

“You’re welcome, by the way. If I hadn’t shot him, I wonder what would’ve happened next. Would you have blown him off the roof? Flung yourself at him and gotten her shot? Or would you have waited for him to shoot her and then blow him up?” she purred with feigned disinterest. “Either way, there would have been a sacrifice… What great Hero work.”

“Oh, but shooting him in the face and making him drop her is better?” he growled.

“I think I’ve calculated quite well though,” she replied. “I mean, you did catch her, no?”

A deep growl rumbled in Katsuki’s chest.

“Stop playing games, Artemis! This needs to stop. Soon I won’t be able to keep them from putting a fucking bounty on your head! Then every Hero and their grandma will be on your arse.”

“Ah yes, the ever so dangerous hero grandma. How frightful,” she chuckled.

"You think this is a joke? You want to fucking die?”

Artemis’ face fell into a cool mask. “I don’t need your help. Like any of you was ever able to catch me. Don’t waste your time with things that don’t concern you, Ground Zero.”

Bakugou cursed again. How many times had he had this conversation with her? Why wouldn’t she just listen? What was all this for?

“Artemis.” He spoke her name as a plea. Ten years. Ten years of running after her. Trying to understand her. Trying to get her back.

“Ka-chan!” Deku’s voice echoed through the night, followed by green lightning as the current number one hero landed next to him on the roof. Deku had visible scratches on his skin and bruises that were about to form, but Bakugou couldn’t bring himself to take away his gaze from the woman standing in front of him.

“Hello, Izuku. Fancy meeting you here,” Artemis said as if greeting an old friend. “You’ve certainly looked better if I remember right. Have the men inside pushed you a little far? You’re getting soft.”

Deku’s green eyes widened as he met the eyes of the assassin. 

“No, I held back so I wouldn’t injure anyone beyond repair.” Delu spoke calmly, but there was a rare hint of steel in his voice.

Artemis shrugged before taking a step back towards the edge of the roof.

“Dont you dare think about fucking off like this!” Katsuki growled. “You stay right where you are.”

“Or what?” Artemis’ smirk sent a shiver down his spine. She was toying with him.

“Why are you doing this, Artemis?” Deku asked.

“I have my reasons,” Artemis replied with ice in her voice. “No need for you to worry your pretty little head with it.”

She took another step back, then another.

Moving at the same time, the heroes stepped forward, but the huntress held out a hand.

“Ah, I wouldn’t.” She held up a warning finger. “Before you act, I’d like you to remind you that it’s raining. Which means you’re outmatched.”

She was right. She was so right and Katsuki hated it. In an earnest fight, he could have overpowered her, but if she was just trying to make a run for it, her quirk would undoubtedly give her the advantage in this situation. Bakugou knew that. He’d seen it happen so many goddamn times.

“Well then, gentlemen. I bid you farewell,” she said, and pulled up her hood. “Stop searching for me, Katsuki. You won’t like what you find.”

With that, she flung herself backwards off the roof.

“No!” A scream ripped from Katsuki’s lungs as he rushed forward, trying to get a hold of her, but she slipped through his fingers like water and disappeared into the night.

He’d failed again. How many times more?

[turtle-steverogers]

alright babe heres the first 5 I saw: "why are you covered in neon body paint?" "best not to ask" and "I cant breathe, I cant-" and "I cant walk just go on without me" and " ive had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with" and "hey guys im here and im ready to bitch"

hey guys, saph and i were facetiming earlier and she dared me to finally answer this ask she sent in like fall 2018 except i had to use all the prompts and the result is…well, i’m not sure what it is.  but its got criminal race and spot and a cryptic ass albert who makes lava lamps for his niece.  so yah. enjoy!

warnings: its pretty much crack, but there is a brief anxiety attack

ship: platonic race/al/spot

word count: 2490

editing: no

Something a Little Off-Kilter

-

Race was nine years old when his ma grabbed him by the chin, turned his face towards her and told him in all her harsh Italian-mother sternness, “We do not run from people, Antonio.  You have Mancini blood in your veins and Mancini’s do not run!”  And Race, with eyes blurred from tears and nose dripping with blood from the fight he’d just fled, nodded vigorously before trudging miserably to his bathroom to clean up (and cry a little more).

But he’d learned two things that day.  One: what a maiden name was and that his ma’s is Mancini and two: running is for losers who never want to stop running.  And he’d more or less kept up that sentiment, even if it cost him a black eye and some dignity in some circumstances.  Like that one time in eleventh grade when Spencer Reiding called him a fairy and in turn, Race had beat the living shit out of him until his little entourage had shown up and knocked him out cold.  But seriously, ‘fairy’? It’s not 19-fucking-50.

Race supposes, though, that all good sentiments meet their maker at one point or another.  Self-preservation over morals and all that, right? 

“Floor it, Christ, are you flooring it!?”  His grip on the ‘oh shit’ bar is white-knuckled and he can hear himself panting as he twists in his seat for what’s probably the hundredth time.  The blue and red flashing of the cop car that had been following them is nothing but a speck at this point, but Race isn’t really keen on taking any chances right now.  Tonight had been a close fucking call.  

“Yes, I’m flooring it, asshole!” Spot shouts, swerving around a lone subaru that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere on the otherwise empty stretch of desert highway.  Normally, Race would be surprised at the sheer lack of cars that are out, but he supposes 4 am in buttfuck Arizona is not prime time for travels.  

Letting out a little whine, Race turns to face forward again, stealing a quick glance at Spot as he does so.  He can see the faint worry lines on his face, reflected from the miniscule lights of the dash.  They’d opted to leave the headlights off for optimal covertness, but the moonlight over the desert proves to be more than sufficient.  

Spot’s anxious, Race can tell.  He remembers a year ago when the two of them had first met in that dingy bar in Brooklyn.  Spot had been nothing but a stoic mask at that time, only showing faint hints of amusement every now and then.  It had been incredibly disconcerting, especially to Race who wears his heart on his sleeve, to behold such utter passivity, but Race had since learned to read him.  Spending everyday together for twelve months is really the best lesson in a person’s tells, Race has found.  And really, when he spares a second thought to it, their situation and relationship therefore, is a strange one.  Two broke college grads down on their luck and bearing fuck all from their families meeting by chance and somehow finding themselves stuck in a loop of money laundering and identity theft in order to stay above ground.  Maybe not the best solution to their problems, but hey, Race never claimed to be smart with his choices.  And the rush of adrenaline is as much of a drug as the coke they sell on the side.

“God fucking damnit, is he still following us?” Spot says, eyes flitting to the rearview mirror.

“Dude, he caught us balls deep tryna break into a fucking bank.  He ain’t gon’ let us off that easy.” Race says, “Jesus fuck I told you we should stick to the other stuff.  We were making big cash just fine pulling paychecks from easy civvies.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can tell me ‘told you so’ when we get somewhere I can think.” Spot sounds exhausted and on-edge and Race himself is looking forward to this whole ordeal blowing over so they can find a place to ditch this car and grab a new one and maybe crash at some shitty inn no cop would think to look.  Yeah, laying low for a couple of days sounds perfect right now.  They don’t even have to leave the room.  Denny’s orders in, right?

“Oh, I will.” Race says, sighing an internal sigh of relief as the distant lights of a small town come into view.  Thank god.

Spot mumbles something that sounds like, “Fucking finally,” and eases up on the gas, turning abruptly once they enter the city perimeter.  

They’ve gotten good at this: losing tails, but Race still holds his breath as Spot loops around the backroads of the town, looking for a place to dump the car.  It’s a few minutes until Race can see the lights of the cop car reflecting off the drug store they’d passed upon first entrance and he hisses out another curse, jabbing Spot in the arm.

“Stop here,” He says, “If he finds the car, fine, but he sure as hell ain’t finding us in it.”

Spot looks like he wants to fight back, but instead, he surprises Race by pulling to a surprisingly quiet stop by an old auto-shop.  He gestures for Race to get out and swiftly grabs their duffels from the back seat, tossing Race’s to him, both pausing when the cop car cruises in front of the alleyway closest to them.  Inaudibly, they let out synchronous sighs of relief when it continues on. 

They cheat behind the auto-shop and are barely settled into identical crouches when a quiet, “Psst,” captures both of their attention.  Race jumps violently, only barely recovering in time to slap a hand over Spot’s mouth as he begins to shout in surprise.

“Over here,” the voice whispers again.

The two of them turn to look at where the auto-shop’s back door is now open and Race squints as the silhouette of a man comes into view.  He can see the man waving a hand in front of him, beckoning them closer, before exchanging a look with Spot.  A silent conversation passes between them, we’ve made bad choices before, what’s one more? And Spot shrugs a little before hoisting his duffel back onto his shoulder and tiptoeing towards the man.  Race follows behind warily. 

Now that he’s closer, Race can see that the man is about their age- young and a little rugged looking with hair that curls towards his jaw at the nape of his neck.  His face and arms are splattered with- well, Race’s first thought is that it’s blood, but upon further inspection, he sees that it’s paint.  Bright yellow and orange neon paint.

He has a lot of questions.  Like, how the fuck did you notice us lurking behind your building at four am? And, why did you think it was a good idea to interact with two obviously suspicious looking men? But all that comes out is, “why are you covered in neon paint?”

Spot drops his head in a groan and the guy laughs somewhat maniacally, “best not to ask, it’s a long story.  Well, actually it’s not.  You see, it’s my niece’s birthday tomorrow and she really likes lava lamps so I’m hand making a few for her and that includes painting the bases and she’s going through that quirky eight year old phase where everything rainbows and neon is super cool, so I’m making them neon tie-dye,” he says it all in one breath and Race finds himself struggling to keep up, “anyway, the names Albert.  You two look like you need some help.  Wanna come in?”

The whole situation’s fucking weird, but Race and Spot exchange another look, this one holding the quick debate of, what other options do we got? And a moment later, they’re hustling into the dingy auto shop.

The lights are dim on the inside, but it’s a surprisingly cozy set up.  The side dedicated to cars is immaculately organized, with a few hanging from the ceiling and others lined neatly on the ground, propped up on floor jacks where necessary.  On the other side is clearly where Albert lives, with a couple curtains sanctioning off a twin bed and desk, where sure enough, three lava-lamps, varying in color and size, are set on a few sheets of newspaper.  

Spot frowns as Albert locks the door, turning to them with a smile, “I’m assuming the cop car out there’s for you guys?”  When Race and Spot don’t answer, he continues, too lighthearted for the situation, “Yeah, figured.  Feel free to lay low here ‘til the threat’s passed.”

“If the police are clearly after us, aren’t we the threats?” Spot asks, “Wait, no, hold on, aren’t you gonna ask us what we did?  Aren’t you put off at all?”

Albert waves a hand, “Nah, I do this all the time.  Just don’t try to murder me and we’re good.  You look like nice enough people, just a little down on your luck.  I don’t mind you camping out here while ya need.” He sets off towards his desk, seemingly to finish the lava-lamps, “The door across from the supply closet is technically an office, but I stuck a mattress and some blankets there for people like yourselves.  Feel free to crash.  If the bull comes by, I didn’t see anything.”  With that, he’s gone.  Behind the curtain as if he’d never been there.

Race blinks, bemused, and looks at Spot.

“What the fuck did he mean, ‘I do this all the time’?  Who the fuck is this guy?”

Spot shakes his head, looking more lost than Race has ever seen him, “Hell if I know.”

The office-turned-guest-room turns out to be more spacious than Race had anticipated and he and Spot are sitting on the mattress, munching on granola bars that were placed unceremoniously in a bowl by the door, when they hear a knock from outside.  

Race feels a pit of dread form in his gut and he lowers his granola bar, appetite lost.  It’s the cop, it’s gotta be.  Who else would be knocking before dawn?  And oh god, they’d left the car right out front, how much more obvious can they be?

Race glances at Spot, who’s also stopped eating, and hisses, “If he catches us, run.  Go on without me.” 

He means it, but Spot just huffs out a bitter laugh, “As if.  Now shut up.”

They strain their ears, listening as Albert opens the door, feigning sleep they know he hasn’t gotten in his voice, “Officer.  Is there a problem?”

They can’t hear what the cop says, but Albert’s side of the conversation is fairly clear, “Hm? Oh, the paint?  I was working on a project for my niece and must have dozed off before cleaning up.  Anyway, how can I help you?”  There’s a pause, “Two- what? I haven’t heard anything about no bank robbers, that’s terrible! I- oh, that car, that’s…strange, that wasn’t here when I went to sleep.  Sure, you can check around back, but I doubt ya’d find anything.  I’da heard if someone were moving around out there and I didn’t hear nothing last night.  Yes sir, I- oh?  Nah, I’m afraid I can’t letcha search my shop.  Not without a warrant.  Mm, sorry officer.  Yes, I understand the caliber of the situation, but it is my legal right to deny your entrance to my home without substantial reasoning.  Mhm, but see, that’s a hunch.  I don’t see no warrant.  Okay, officer.  Yes. just around back.  Go ahead.  Alright, officer, okay.  Nice chat.  Goodbye.”

The door closes a second later and Race lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  All at once, the adrenaline of the night hits him.  They’d almost been fucking caught, Christ, what if they’d ended up in jail?  What if they still end up in jail?  He couldn’t survive jail, fuck, he wouldn’t even be able to afford and lawyer and shit-

His body is shaking, vibrating really, and a weight is steadily growing on his chest.  Involuntary tears prick at his eyes and he brings a hand up to the front of his shirt, tugging as if that would release some of the pressure from his lungs.  

“Race?” Spot sounds distant and Race turns to him, knowing he looks panicked, but having no capacity to change that, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Race says, voice high and pitchy, “I can’t really breathe, I can’t-”

“Shit, hey, it’s okay.  I think you’re having an anxiety attack,” Spot says, sounding uncharacteristically gentle, “I know a lot happened tonight, but we’re okay,” He places a comforting hand on Race’s shoulder, “Just breathe, it’s okay.”

Race nods, closing his eyes and focusing on Spot’s touch, allowing it to ground him.  A few moments later, he’s feeling calmer, if still a little shaken.  

“You alright?” Spot asks, not removing his hand.

“Yeah, I dunno, man,” Race says honestly, “It’s been a rough ass night and all I want right now is something to drink and someone to cuddle with,” his eyes fly open as soon as the words are out of his mouth.  He hadn’t meant to say that.  He’s not sure why he said that.  It’s not even like he and Spot have that sort of relationship, nor is he particularly seeking that out.  But now that it’s out there, Race wouldn’t say no to some good old physical comfort.

Spot seems to sense that and laughs a little as he removes his hand from where he’s still gripping Race to sling his arm around his shoulders.  It’s a little more intimate than they usually are, but friendly and comfortable nonetheless.  Race takes a deep, shaky breath and rests his head back against the wall, leaning into Spot’s side.

“Yeah, it’s been a fucked up night and I think I’m still deciding whether or not it’s real or just some weird fever dream,” Spot says, “Like, who even is that guy?  What the fuck is his deal?”

“Lord even knows,” Race says, “But I think I got my fill of crazy for a while.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They lapse into silence and Race is just starting to drift off when the door to the office opens and Albert pokes his head in, somehow covered in even more paint than before and holding up a bottle of tequila, “hey guys, I’m here and I’m ready to bitch.  The cop is gone now, though I wouldn’t recommend skipping town just yet- better safe than sorry.  Also, bank robbers, huh?  Haven’t had your kind in a while.  You’re a fun type, though the arson that I met last week was pretty spicy.  Anyway, drinks?  I know it’s early for alcohol, but I get the feeling y’all need it.”

Spot doesn’t even try to lower his voice as he says, “Yeah, I don’t think our fill of crazy is over yet.”

-

don’t ask me what that was about, i genuinely don’t know

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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