#drink more water (can't believe i have to remind myself of this. i'm like the biggest water drinker i know)

[ryuyejiho]

"Yours again" Jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Smut Summary: Once lovers, then strangers. Now — even with someone else by her side — they're finding their way back. Word Count: 1.7k

I was lounging on a sunbed by the pool, lazily sipping on my drink. Soft chillout music played somewhere in the background while the warm breeze toyed with my hair.

Without thinking too much, I snapped a photo — my legs stretched out against the backdrop of the turquoise water, a sliver of the pool... and completely by accident, part of Jungkook's tattooed arm as he stepped forward in the water.

I didn't even notice. Honestly.

I posted the picture on Instagram and tossed my phone aside. It was supposed to be innocent. Just another vacation snapshot.

Minutes later, my phone started vibrating like crazy. The calm was shattered by an endless flood of notifications.

I picked it up.

"Who is that?!"

"Whose arm is that?!"

"ANSWER ME NOW."

Texts from my boyfriend blew up my screen, one after another, getting angrier by the second.

"Are you hiding something from me?!"

"Who the hell are you with?!"

"You think I'm stupid?!"

The phone kept ringing, notifications popping up nonstop. I let out an annoyed sigh.

Jungkook, leaning against the edge of the pool with his drink almost empty, raised an eyebrow at me.

"Someone's losing it," he said with a smirk, but there was a darkness behind his eyes that hadn't been there a moment ago.

I scrolled through a few more messages, each more frantic than the last.

"Where are you?"

"Why aren't you picking up?"

"If you don't answer, I swear I'll fly there and find you myself."

I scoffed under my breath.

"I can't believe I ever let him treat me like this," I muttered, tossing my phone down onto the pool tiles like it was nothing.

"He doesn't even deserve to know your name," Jungkook said, his voice low and rough. "Let alone have any claim on you. Why the hell are you still with him?"

I leaned my head back, closing my eyes for a second. Jungkook didn't push, just watched me with that intense, half-lidded gaze.

Jeon was my ex. Someone I shouldn't have been anywhere near. And yet — here we were. No promises, no grand declarations. Just stolen glances and small touches that said more than words ever could.

No one knew about us. And honestly? That was fine.

My "current boyfriend" — if I could even call him that anymore — was just a ghost in my life. All that was left between us was fights and his sick jealousy. He treated me like property. Like something to control, even when he knew he couldn't keep me.

I heard Jungkook climb out of the pool, the sound of dripping water hitting the hot tiles.

Then I felt his fingers ghost over my bare shoulder, slow and deliberate.

I didn't look at him — I didn't need to. His touch told me everything. Anger. Lust. The desperate need to remind me who I belonged to.

"Maybe I should remind you who really sees you... who actually treats you like you deserve," he whispered, his lips brushing my ear.

A shiver ran down my spine. Not from fear — never from fear.

I turned my head, meeting his gaze.

"Show me," I said, voice steady.

He didn't hesitate. He grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet.

The sunlight danced across the water, but all I could feel was the heat radiating off Jungkook's body standing so close to mine.

"You already have everything you need," he murmured, his hand sliding down to my hip, gripping it firmly enough to make me gasp.

"You're not his anymore," he added, like it was a simple, undeniable truth.

I didn't answer. I didn't have to.

My heart was racing, and my body — my body had already chosen long before my mind could catch up.

Jungkook's fingers tightened on my hips, pulling me flush against him, closing the last sliver of distance between us.

"You have nothing left to lose," he growled, his breath hot against my skin.

And instead of replying, I kissed him.

Our bodies crashed together like waves under a burning sun, the heat between us making the world blur at the edges.

There was something in his eyes — not just dominance, but a flicker of something softer, something raw. Like he wasn't just claiming me. He was begging me to let him.

Our breakup had never been clean.

It wasn't a final conversation or a huge fight — just silence stretching longer and longer until the space between us became impossible to cross. His career took off, he was gone more than he was home, and then he left for the military.

he birthday party of our mutual friend was the moment when we started talking again.

We were supposed to be rebuilding a friendship.

Instead, we ended up rebuilding something very, very different — in his bed.

Now, his lips crashed into mine, rough and desperate, like all those buried feelings were too much to hold back anymore.

"Don't go," he snarled against my mouth, hands anchoring me in place like he was afraid I'd vanish.

He kissed me harder, messier, rawer, like we had wasted too much time pretending we didn't still belong to each other.

"Fuck this," he growled. "Fuck your boyfriend. Fuck pretending. Fuck hiding."

Before I could say anything, he grabbed my hand and dragged me toward the hotel.

We didn't care who saw. Not anymore.

My heart thundered against my ribs, adrenaline and desire sparking electric under my skin.

As soon as the elevator door slammed shut behind us, Jungkook pushed me against the wall and kissed me like a man starved.

His hands roamed down my body, yanking at the strings of my swimsuit like they were nothing more than annoyances in his way.

"You were never his," he hissed against my skin. "You were always mine."

I didn't answer. I didn't need to. He already knew.

The door clicked shut behind us with a heavy sound.

And then he spun me around, pinning me to the wall with a force that stole my breath.

His hands slid possessively down my hips, tearing at the fragile ties of my swimsuit like they offended him by even existing.

I felt his hot breath against my neck, ragged and shaky.

"I've had you before," he growled, freeing himself with one hand while still holding me captive against the wall. "But now? I need you even more."

I braced my forehead against the cool wall, trying to steady my breathing — but then he thrust into me in one hard, brutal move.

A helpless moan tore from my throat.

Jungkook cursed under his breath, gripping my hips even tighter.

He moved fast, rough, relentless — but there was something new in the way he touched me.

Something raw. Something desperate.

"My girl... mine," he whispered, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of my neck, leaving behind marks, proof, branding me.

My hands scraped against the wall, searching for something to hold onto as his pace became merciless.

His hand slid up to my throat, holding me there, a soft but undeniable reminder of exactly who I belonged to.

"No one else will touch you," he growled, voice dark and low. "No one else will even fucking look at you."

I felt him bite down on my neck, a fierce mark blooming under his teeth. A mark everyone would see. A mark that would scream to the world that I was his.

"I want everyone to know you're mine. I don't care about hiding. I don't care about anything but you," he hissed, every sharp thrust of his hips driving the words deeper into my bones.

Then, without warning, he spun me around to face him.

I sagged against the wall, legs trembling, heart hammering against my ribs.

Jungkook stared at me — wild, intense, something dark and something tender swirling in those deep, dark eyes.

Before I could catch my breath, he lifted me up, forcing my legs around his waist.

He carried me to the bed, throwing me down onto the soft sheets.

He didn't give me time to think.

He was on top of me instantly, his hands mapping every inch of my body like he was trying to memorize me, claim me all over again.

"You have no idea how much I missed you," he murmured, voice low and ragged.

Before I could even form a reply, he was inside me again — deeper, rougher, more desperate.

Our bodies moved together in a rhythm that was frantic, messy, real — like all the time we lost had finally caught up to us.

His forehead pressed against mine, sweat mingling between us, and in his eyes I saw everything.

Not just lust.

Love. Longing. Regret. Hope.

Everything we had lost and everything we were still too scared to name.

He cupped my face with one hand, kissed me so fiercely it felt like the world might end — and I didn't care if it did.

Because right now, there was only him.

Only us.

When we finally shattered together, it felt like the world tilted off its axis.

We stayed there, tangled up, breathing in the same rhythm.

He didn't move. Just held me tighter, like he was afraid if he let go, I'd disappear.

"You're not going anywhere," he whispered against my temple, his voice sure and steady.

He rolled us onto our sides, pulling me close against his chest.

His hands roamed my body, never staying still, like he needed the constant reassurance that I was really there.

But it was his gaze that seared into me most of all.

I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could, his hand slid up to cup the back of my neck, forcing me to meet his eyes.

They burned into mine, raw, aching, desperate.

"Fuck pretending," he growled. "Fuck acting like I don't love you."

My heart stopped for a beat.

Jungkook didn't look away. Didn't flinch.

He just held my gaze, waiting.

I didn't say it back.

I didn't need to.

He already knew.

[echologname]

Hack your ADHD brain to do things

If there's a pot of dopamine at the end of a rainbow, I'd believe it because I've been searching frantically where to find this stuff. But for now, here's some ridiculous and maybe unhinged advice on how to get your silly brain to produce it itself. In my opinion, the more silly, stupid and simple it is, the better.

Side quest roulette

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7rard8ukBz/?igsh=aGxzdHNkaGl6MWxt

Tell yourself to do something that's NOT what you want to do and let the ADHD distract you down the correct rabbit hole.

Duck tape yourself to your task

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-78ilVJlyb/?igsh=am9pODRzY2xtMTY5

Duck tape yourself to your chair if you need to sit down and do homework. If you move to get up, you'll feel the gentle pressure and it'll remind you to stay focused.

Honestly, I did say some of these were out there 😜

Sing

Singing stimulates your vagus nerve which helps reduce anxiety and has numerous other mental health benefits and makes you feel good inside. Signing while doing a task is a great strategy!

Nested roulette games

The brain thrives with unpredictability and brevity. Doom scrolling is so addictive because:

Appeal - something enjoyable

Brevity - a minute reel

Unpredictability - you keep scrolling for the surprise of what's next

So use this to choose your tasks at random and only commit to doing them for a little bit. If I spin a wheel and the task is homework, spin again for a random assignment and again for what part of the assignment and set a timer for a few to 30 minutes max. Then you can do some proprioception stims like jumping jacks or twirl around to help you task change.

If your brain is chaotic, then giving it a chaotic and stimulating environment is what it needs.

Create an environment conducive to productivity

I can't be in my room, it's a mess, I don't have the energy to clean it but I need to put things away if I want to get to my desk to do work. So, instead of mixing my "lazy" and "work" environments in the same space, I'm only allowed to be messy and do fun things on the other end of the room that way my work space stays neat and tidy. It can help to have a room divider.

I focus better when I'm in work environments like school where everyone there has the same goal. So, it's my attempt to recreate the division where I associate different spaces with different tasks.

Sometimes I just get stuck but splashing cold water on my face or drinking something cold kinda zaps me out of that state and I feel alert and refreshed, ready to take on a task. You can set reminders to regularly get your cold fix to stimulate your nervous system and activate a mild stress response.

Name inanimate objects

If I name something, that automatically gives it "feelings." This is to help motivate me to take good care of things like my bedroom. If they're messy, they're sick and sad and it'd help me WANT to clean it up instead of just forcing myself to do it.

Coldness

Blanket head

For some reason, I focus better at night. So I try to recreate the same conditions by putting a blanket over my head, that way it's cozy, dim, less noisy and it's just me and my homework, nothing else.

Turn your routine into a mnemonic device

For example: Wisconsin Badgers Huddle Dramatically

Wash face

Breakfast

Homework

Dishes

The sillier the better. The idea is to make it easier to remember and make a habit of things to do.

Social media encouragement

Post your completed task in an ADHD encouragement group to get likes, positive comments or even help from others about where to start on a task.

Puppy dog eyes = YES!

Place talky buttons on the floor for your dog. Each one has a task or chore you have to do and when your dog presses one like, "Do dishes." you HAVE to obey. They're too cute to say no to and I'd do ANYTHING for them, if I'm willing to give my life for my dog, I can definitely do a few chores for her. Also, if my dog is encouraged to do this behavior with treats after I complete the task, she'll keep barking and begging and being silly and obnoxious until I do the task.

Get fictional characters to help you

Write notes to yourself about what's next to do or an upcoming appointment and sign them from "So and so." I'll listen to anyone but myself. You can even put them in a mailbox to make it more engaging.

Or use AI voices (for personal use ONLY! Voice actors are amazing people and it's mean to use their voice without permission) and a character give you your to-dos or words of encouragement.

ChatGPT scheduler

I've tried many times, but I suck at blocking out time for things. So I'll tell AI what I typically do, any goals and such and it'll give me what my week should look like.

Toy confetti and giant "pill boxes"

Create bins/cardboard boxes for each day of the week

Collect "toy confetti" (small knick knacks from diverse playsets like Legos, Barbie accessories, fidgets, small plastic dinos, Happy Meal toys etc...)

Write tasks on the toys and optionally an amount of time to set for that task

Place what needs to be done on which day in the corresponding boxes

The surprise and sensory diversity makes it fun and the boxes give it basic schedule structure.

Give yourself an important sounding title

Like, "I am the Princess! Everything I say goes!" And really get into the responsibilities inherent in your imaginary position. It can feel very empowering.

Mailbox

Set up a table or space for a box and some paper and writing utensils next to it. Optionally, have a cloud printer set up too. If someone has a chore for you to do, they can leave you a note in your box or if they have forms for you to sign, they can highlight where and leave it for you. Or if I have a note to leave for myself while I'm out of the house, I can use my phone connected to the printer, to print out the note at home (possibly placed so the paper falls into the box).

ASMR

Do your tasks slowly and listen carefully to the sounds of the tinkling silverware, tap your fingers on hard surfaces you have to wipe down...etc. It's no longer "chores" but yummy homemade ASMR.

Silly hats

Wear a silly hat for different things (like homework vs chores) so it acts as a cue to your brain to help you gear shift.

Different music genres help too.

Gentle parenting

Tell yourself, "It's OK sweetie, I know it's frustrating and you're trying your best to do the thing but you feel stuck."

Opposite action (DBT therapy)

Do the opposite of what your emotions are telling you to do. If you're feeling sad and want to curl up alone in the dark and do depressed things, you're just going to encourage that emotion instead of doing things a non-depressed person does like go outside in the sun and talk to friends.

If you're demotivated and want to sit and doom scroll, just get up, do a power pose and start with one little thing.

Video game roleplay

Attach a controller plug to a headband and controll myself to do things.

Fictional character roleplay

Act how a character would act doing that task. Mimic their body language, tics, lingo, humor…etc.

If doing the task stresses you out too much, pretend you're summoning someone else to do it and it might as well be your favorite character.

Demon slaying

The task that you NEVER seem to be able to do is a demon that must DIE! Fuel yourself with that adrenaline! C’ause that pile of laundry is just going to mock you and your executive dysfunction indefinitely. And we can't have that, so be a hero and murder your tasks! Those stressful little burgers are going DOWN!

Exercise audio games

Using an app like Zombies, Run! or Marvel Move, get up and get going, knock out missions while getting chores done.

AI assistance

AI works as my brain, it plans everything out and I just operate as the body taking commands of what to do next.

Dog treatment

Give yourself a treat for doing basic human things.

Cleaning hacks

Everything has a colored sticker which goes in the corresponding colored drawer/box/shelf…etc.

Give everything silly names. The dingawongs go on the desk with the other dingawongs and the jigawigas go in the drawer with the other jigawigas.

Try to pick up things with robot hands (mechanical hands with string and cardboard/plastic) or your toes. It'll be so much more fun and novel!

Video + Tasker

Record vids of giving tasks and use Tasker to automatically play them at a certain time as a reminder.

Best used with smart watch (like a super spy getting a secret mission 😎)

Quests

Mystery dispensers by each task (like by the cleaning supplies) and go around doing tasks in order to get the reward.

Optional function: they have AI and you need to send a picture of the completed task (checks image date and time metadata) in order to get the prize.

Puppet/plush care

Instead of saying, “I have to do this,” it's “I have to make sure Fuzzy does this by this time because I care about her and love her.” So it uses my sense of maternal responsibility for caring for helpless creatures that can't do anything on their own.

Also, it's Jesus's love language helping others! His law is love and that's how He wants us to show it.

VR game

Highlights items to put away and where and gives cute animations and sound effects for doing the task. Like a SIM but uses augmented reality.

Virtual pet reminders

Whenever it yells at you for a specific thing like food, associate it with doing something for yourself like getting yourself food too. You can't always trust yourself to set reminders.

Audio planner A

Computer talks and says what the task is, for how long and plays specific music to mentally que that task.

Example:

7:30 AM

“Time to wake up!”

“You have an hour to get ready for the day”

Plays morning music

8:20

“10 more minutes”

8:30

“Homework time!”

“You have 30 min until a break”

Plays Lofi Hip Hop

9:00

“You can take a break now”

Has a web interface with a checklist and whenever a task is completed, it says something like, “Congratulations on completing ____!” “You’ve earned 10 virtual coins!”

Audio planner B

Same as above but a playlist of time chunks and voice clips

MP3 to-do timer

Music clips with the task as the “song title.” Selecting a random song to be played, would be the same as selecting a random task and setting a timer for it, in this case, the run time of a song.

Candy task randomizer

Take a candy/pill dispenser filled with beads with tasks written on them.

Plush task randomizer

Plush with sound module with recordings of different tasks.

Bead currency

Every task completed is worth a bead.

10 beads = 1 USD

Keep track of beads as they accumulate

Can ONLY buy something for puppies IF there's enough beads

Adulting kid’s app

In a virtual world, their parents can set up a to-do list and they have an in game calendar, bank, phone and such. They're goal is to take care of a virtual pet whose needs are very realistic: unpredictable. Anyway, to take care of a pet, you need money which is earned by completing tasks (parents and teachers can send tasks to their to do and appointments to their calendar.

They have to plan out about how much food and medicine their pet needs and spend it wisely. They get an virtual invoice/receipts.

Their pet can spontaneously get sick and they need to make an appointment with the vet and pay LOTS from savings.

Delayed gratification prize dispenser

Write tasks on paper

Add paper to jar once complete

When the jar is full/reaches a minimum weight, it’ll dispense a prize

Flower power

Write tasks on seed paper

When a task is complete, put it in a jar

The jar is filled by the end of the week and the tasks can be planted!

Egg system

Fill eggs with different tasks related to homework or free/break time. And set a timer to complete the task on the egg I picked.

For free time, instead of picking up my phone and waste time, I pick up an egg. This way, I can do things I’ve always wanted to do but never do because I’d rather sit and do nothing.

Also, keeping a strict schedule is hard, this way, it's not mindless routine, it has an element of surprise and flexibility.

Possible Motivators

Throughout all species throughout the world and time, necessity has been the driving force and the reward: life and continued existence, food and health. They’d literally die without the skills they acquired from their parents, sometimes horribly. There's no, “If I want to get distracted and not do this thing, there's no consequences, I’ll still live just fine.”

I suppose drastic stakes are super effective.

Also, like the Bluey episode, “Duck cake,” even when Bluey got things she liked and enjoyed for cleaning up, they didn't fulfill her as much as cleaning up to please her parents and make them happy. So, doing things for the good of helping others is also a strong motivator. If we always live for the things that please us, for the things we want, we’ll never be truly happy.

Or Tiana in The Princess and the Frog, she had a dream she wanted SO desperately, she worked hard every day for years for it, never once taking her eyes off the prize. What dream do you have?

Make other things just as or more enjoyable than my bad habits.

Find something or someone to live for (for me, it's my dog's). It's different when you take care of someone you love because you would do anything for them. They're ALIVE, they have feelings and it makes you care about them.

Or if not, pretend you have a little kid to take care of and they follow you around everywhere and watch what you do. You'd want to make sure you're always setting a good example and demonstrating healthy habits.

Though it's probably not the healthiest, nothing kicks me into high gear like being frustrated/angry. I get an "I can fight everyone!" mentality and end up taking it out on chores and doing things. At least I'm not too irritable and it's constructive.

[moonieandi]

I NEED YOUR HELP- lol- sorry that’s such an interesting way to start an ask ‘I NeEd YoUR HelP?!?’ Haha- anyway- I’m thinking about writing a Stanley x reader! Kinda like what you’re doing but different- now I would totally give you more info on that except like- then it would give it away lol. All I really need help with is A.) how do you write Stanley as well as you do?! And B.) how do you normally start a story- I’ve been having a hard time with intros lately.

Also! you don’t have to help me out! Don’t feel pressured! I’m just asking bc I love your snapshots I think they are literally the bestest!! And I wanna be able to help readers feel that way when I write too!! I hope you are still taking care of yourself! Drink lots of water! Eat lots of snap peas! (They are the BEST-) and most importantly sleep well! I know you’re busy so make sure you take time for you! Have a safe and successful move too!

HI! HELLO! I'm so sorry I couldn't answer you right away, one bc I was so busy up until LEGIT JUST THIS VERY MOMENT, and two because I want to help anyway I can, and want my answer to actually be fleshed out!

Firstly, omg so sweet of you that you want my help <3 I'm so happy you reached out and SUPER excited to give you some insight! I encourage anyone who wants to write TO write, it's a great creative outlet (and also I love any and all Stan content hehe)- so:

A.) i. Stanley is based in my head off of my own fantastical characterization of him (which I'll get to in a moment), and also the character we know from the actual show OBVIOUSLY. I started by, of course, rewatching the show. Because I wanted to, and to also take note of his character in each episode. This consisted of getting some basic information about him from anything from his fear of heights to his terrible (great) sense of humor. The clear drive from Stanley is his deep love of family, and general familial bonds (Soos and Wendy). He takes "odd ones out" under his wing on the regular, because HE is an odd one out. People who don't ordinarily fit in are his bread and butter (and also his general sales pitch). He appreciates the oddities in people, in contrast to his brothers interest in ACTUAL oddities. He goes out of his way to keep these bonds, especially with these kids he's not-so-randomly taken under his wing (that he more than likely took in for the summer, trying to reconnect with family and therefore Ford in anyway he could). This tells me he's also a caring man, a weirdly desperate man, and more considerate than people on a surface level may give him credit for. Now this characterization maayyyy be a stretch but that's where the fun comes in!! YOU get to interpret these little things in any way you like, maybe he has a weird relationship with tangerines, maybe he can't keep eye contact on a date for a particular reason- and those situations can just flesh him out more!

ii. NOW the ""romantic"" side of things are of course skimmed from the romance I know from other media (and of course my own lovelife). I take this characterization of him, and find another characters I know and love to MAKE writing him in these situations easier- seeing as we do never see him IN these actual romantic stations (outside of the dating sim and that one failed date- WHICH can also play a role in how you write him romantically!) Stan reminds me of the suaveness and shyness of men in 90's romcoms: surprisingly well-meaning but stupidly flustered. I'd say Brenden Fraiser in his early romcom's come across like this or even Bill Pullman in While You Were Sleeping. It encompasses some of what I believe Stan to be in general: weirdly shy, unable to come out with it, flippantly sweet, sarcastic, and stupidly endearing. I also get general influence from more recent reference(s), the main one being Nick Miller from New Girl. I don't think I need to explain myself with that one. ALSO if you don't understand any of these references I apologize- but I very much encourage you to find your own references in ANY form of media! I even find myself inspired by art at times!

B.) Intro's are hard!! It feels like the hardest part at times. You need to hook the reader, engage them quickly, and have them come back curious!! I will reassure you with one thing: intro's do NOT have to be long! I'd encourage you to keep the intro sweet and simple with not tooooooo many details! don't over-explain to the reader, it may discourage them from continuing (in my opinion!). I take the "shoot first and ask questions later" approach. Throw the reader into a scene giving context clues to where in the story's timeline we are being thrown into. Flash forward and then back into the future! Start on an action scene- hell have the opening scene being two significant characters meeting! it's completely up to you, but I am reassuring you it doesn't have to be long, and DON'T make it too complicated! Complicate things later, grab the reader in the first chapter, and then explain some things later on! Let me also assure you: you do NOT have to write your story backwards, and you don't have to have a finite and "final" story ready to go. Have point A be the beginning and point B be the end and YOU make the trail from A to B!

And above all HAVE FUN!

[midmorninggrey]

welcome to DADWC! how do you feel about Cal x Fenris for "his dark eyes took me in, and I wondered what they would look like if he fell in love"?

Hey, thanks for the @dadrunkwriting prompt! I felt this was the perfect excuse to write Cal Being An Idiot.

WC: ~1000

One night, all three of them ended up sitting down at the docks with a half-full bottle of rum that Isabela had swiped on their way out of The Hanged Man. Cal was the one who was supposed to be watching the bar, but she’d stolen him too. With the card game finished, Fenris had followed on his own accord. She’d ordered their boots off and they dangled their feet over the edge of the broken pier, toes kissing the black water. The sea was no cooler than the air, which was as thick and sweet as the drink.

After a time, Cal and Isabela tried stargazing through the smear of foundry smoke. The shape of a particular group of stars got them arguing, as much as they ever argued.

"Canary, do you even know what a woman looks like?"

"I just don't think that's what it is - really." 

"Fenris," Isabela drew herself up and pulled her hair away from where it had stuck on the back of her neck. "Tell us - do you see a lady of the evening?"

Cal took a long sip from the rum bottle, wondering how it happened that he was always between the two of them.

Fenris’ eyes flicked across to her.  "Only one."

“Shame. She's quite a looker up there,” Isabela shrugged and took the bottle from Cal for a last gulping drink, then put it back in his hands so she could stand.

"Now, I'm off to find someone who doesn’t need a reminder of what a woman looks like."

“Good luck,” Cal said.

"Don't get too hot under all that armor," Isabela chimed back. Through the warm haze of rum, he didn't understand why she looked at him when she was speaking to Fenris. Cal was only in his shirtsleeves. Before he could think to ask her, she tucked her boots beneath her arm and strutted down the dock and off into the dark.

They watched her go in silence. Cal handed Fenris the rum, expecting him to take it and make a quick departure himself, then lay back into the space Isabela had left behind. The rough wood felt good against his sore back and he wanted to rest a moment longer in the open air.

To his surprise, Fenris leaned back on a hand and kept his feet over the water. Outside of Hawke’s study for Fenris’ lessons, it was rare for the two to be alone together.

“I think that’s a bit of Bellitanus,” he said to fill the strange space usually full of books and chalk. “You know, the maiden. But I think she wears clothes. The Oak should be next to her – my friend told me it’s really a sign of Andriul. The goddess of the hunt.”

Fenris did nothing to acknowledge his prattling, so Cal folded his hands on his chest and said nothing more. The waves rippled beneath them.

Cal had long ago decided that denying Fenris’ looks was like denying the sun in the sky; he might as well enjoy the warmth of both from a distance. Now the sun had set and Fenris was still shining. Looking up, Cal watched the shadows play on the proud arch of his brow, along the curve of his jaw, and down the long lines of his neck. His eyes went to his mouth on the rim of the bottle, noticing the sheen of sweat on his upper lip.

"That -” Fenris interrupted Cal’s daze by pointing a finger at the sky. “- is the red jewel of Minrathous. I knew I was headed away from Tevinter when it was at my back. I had hoped that one night I would look up and it would be gone." 

Cal squinted up at the star. 

"Maybe it's watching over you."

"Not likely."

"I can't believe you made it all this way." Cal swallowed. "I mean, I can, actually."

"It was difficult." Fenris made the admission slowly. "Some days I have trouble believing it myself."

"Having to watch out for yourself all the time. It's hard." The words sound hollow and dull, like hitting a half full jug; both too much and not enough to ring true. He was surprised when Fenris’ answer was prompt.

“It’s the second rule of survival.”

“You have -” It took two tries for Cal to sit up. "You have rules?"

"Yes.” Fenris sounded annoyed, but Cal saw some satisfaction in the tilt of his chin. When Fenris passed the bottle back, he took it with both hands and a grin.

"What are they? What's the first - the most important?"

Cal hadn’t realized how close they were until Fenris turned his eyes on him. In the night, his green eyes had turned as black as the sea. The darkness made them look soft, and he wondered what it would be like if they were that way in the daylight.  

"Sorry," Cal ducked his head away to the safety of the rum bottle. There wasn't much left. "You don't have to tell me that."

They sat in silence again, longer this time. A breeze picked up across the harbor, and though it was still as hot as breath, it stung of fresh salt. Cal gave Fenris the last drink.

"My first rule of survival is to always have an extra pair of socks," he offered eventually. 

"Oh? That is mine as well."

"Really?"

Fenris looked down at his bare feet, only ever wrapped in the traditional elven style, and stretched his toes. "I like knit stockings best."

Cal let his head fall back and he laughed until he wheezed. Fenris joined him with only a smile, laughter held in the lines around his eyes, but the stars seemed a little brighter to Cal then.  

[wheelin-after-midnight]

62.

When did you last drink coffee? A few hours ago.

When did you last cry? And why, if you feel like sharing. Yesterday, because my mother is often cold and toxic as fuck.

What book do you plan to read next? I saw that Protecting Whitney was available as an audiobook included in my Spotify Premium subscription the other day. There are very few sources I trust when it comes to people who claimed to have known, loved or been close to her. I feel like too many people want to tarnish her name and make a quick buck off of it now that she isn't here to say anything for or against any of the things they've claimed, which is sick. I definitely side eyed this bodyguard a little bit when he came out with a book. I wasn't gonna pay to check it out, that's for sure. I'm still on the fence about whether I'm even gonna listen to it, but I get a certain amount of hours of audiobooks with Premium and I noticed it, so I don't know. Maybe. What fictional character/s remind you of yourself? I find myself relating to traits or struggles of several fictional characters as I'm watching a show or consuming content of some kind, but there aren't really any that genuinely remind me of myself.

What's in your fridge right now? List as many things as you can think of. I'm gonna do my fridge and freezer both because one usually has a little more than the other and I just did a big clean out/reorganization of it so this is actually fresh in my mind: A few slices of german salami, a few slices of bologna, cheese slices, a quarter of a bread loaf, After Eight flavoured coffee creamer, gingerale, bubbly water, oat milk, a few red delicious apples, mayo, sirracha mayo, a few olives, pickles, half a can of condensed broccoli and cheese soup that I used for making a pasta sauce the other day. Freezer: Hashbrown patties, two loaves of bread that haven't been opened yet, chicken parm cutlets, a quarter left of a bag of frozen peas and carrots, a little bit of a bag of edamame beans, mint chip ice cream I haven't opened yet, some popsicles from the last time I was sick, and reuseable ice cubes in a couple small freezer bags.

If you could have any artist, living or dead, paint your portrait, who would it be? My Nan. She did paint a portrait of me, she got sick and passed away before she finished. I took it from her painting room of her house.

Do you smell anything in particular right now? No.

Do you make enough money to live comfortably? [can be in combination with a spouse] Almost no one makes enough to live comfortably anymore. Those who do and/or do not have to rely on any form of assistance are very fortunate. What is one thing you like about your appearance? Don’t say nothing! I really like my butt. It's pretty great.

What would you like to tell your father? Nothing. Just that I miss him and I hate that his job and the fact he moved a few years ago make it so I never see him anymore, but I told him that this weekend when I called him.

What would you like to tell your mother? Just because you say something, doesn't make it true. Your words and actions have to match up in order for me to trust/believe you, and they rarely do.

Whose was the last wedding you went to? My sister's, in 2015, but she and my brother in law aren't together anymore.

What is your greatest fear? Losing this apartment and the independence that came with it, being forced back into situations beyond my control where I'm absolutely fucking miserable and have no autonomy or ability to do things for myself. Disability making my body/quality of life worse as I age. That second one is already happening. I sure as shit hope I have a merciful, medically assisted way out when I decide enough is enough and I can't handle anymore.

What is a chronic health issue you deal with, even if it’s minor? I'm physically disabled and have been all my life. I have a few major, life affecting conditions, but I'm not listing all of them and going into detail.

What was your college major? If applicable I ended up dropping out. What new place have you been to recently? Nowhere. I barely get to leave my house. :/

What are you a geek about? Music. I love so many artists, genres, songs. I've always sang, written songs, used to do a lot of acting and musical theatre when I was younger and had opportunity through school. I miss it so much. I love geeking out about music with people who are equally passionate about it. What is something you have no patience for? Cruelty. Toward animals or other people for no good reason. Especially vulnerable populations like disabled or the elderly. Racism and bigotry also piss me off greatly.

What celebrity would you want to go out for a meal/drinks with? I wouldn't want to eat/drink in front of any of them. I don't even like eating in front of people I know. I do, obviously, but I'm always self conscious that I'm gonna spill something on myself. Also if something needs cut, I often can't do it and someone else has to. I'm not asking someone I just met to do that, especially someone famous. I know they're just people like us, but I'm very shy and closed off to begin with. With everybody. I don't even open up fully to a lot of people in my family. If we take the eating/drinking out of the equation and just go with meeting and saying hello, then maybe Tina Turner. She's always seemed pretty cool and down to earth, and I love so many of her albums.

Are you happy with your weight? Happier than I was before I lost 60+ pounds of it, yeah.

When did you last hold a baby, if ever? Whose? Probably when my friend's seven year old was a newborn.

How many cats do you have? One.

How many dogs do you have? None. Not since being on my own.

How many other pets do you have? None. I really wish I could get another kitten, though. I want a boy Siamese. I was supposed to get a 'Meezer girl before I took Nippy, but I felt bad for her and the situation she was in and felt like she needed me more, so I took her instead. Could only take one at the time. But having one single kitten is the worst decision I made. If I ever get a chance to before Nip gets too old, I want a second. She's so high energy she could use someone of her own species in the house. If it does just end up being her and I until she passes away, then I'm definitely taking two bonded siblings from the same litter the next time. Nip's brothers were given away too early though and she was the last one, so I didn't have that option this time.

How old were you when you got your driver’s license? I don't have a driver's liscence. I'll never be able to drive.

What year did you graduate high school? 2010.

What is the first number of your zip code? We have postal codes, and I'm not sharing any part of mine. How many of your grandparents are still alive? One on my biological father's side, but she's in a home with Alzheimer's and wouldn't know me anymore. I never had a close relationship with her anyway. She was extremely, toxically religious and was not a warm, loveable, approachable person.

What is your favorite number? Four.

How many kids do you want? I can't have kids. :(

How many apartments have you lived in? Three, plus a lot of houses growing up.

What age do people say you look? People don't really say I look any certain age very often.

Do you feel like your family accepts you for who you are? Absolutely the fuck not.

Do you feel like your friends accept you for who you are? I wouldn't be friends with them if they didn't. Not that I'm friends with a ton of people. I have two.

Who is the best doctor you’ve ever had? My old one, but he retired a long time ago. I hate my current doctor.

Have you ever been flipped off by a random stranger? I don't know. I don't care.

Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? A handful. But I haven't posted on Facebook in years.

Do you consider yourself spiritual? Not as much as I used to. Do you consider yourself religious? Not at all.

Are you afraid of spiders? No.

Are you afraid of snakes? Not really afraid, but I don't like them.

Does everyone in your family know your sexual orientation? No.

What is one thing you find offensive? Racism.

Do you often post about politics on social media? I used to, when I posted anything. Would you ever want to go back to school? For what? To gain nothing and be in debt I'll never, ever get out of? It didn't even fucking matter how hard I worked the first time.

What are three things you are naturally good at? Writing, singing, having empathy and giving a shit about people and things beyond my own little bubble. What are three things you're naturally bad at? Math, science, standing up for myself.

Is your dream to get married and have kids? It was. I can't have babies. :(

Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering? On the back of my shower bench.

If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair? I don't know. Gender isn't what would be the be all, end all of me determining how I wanted my hair.

Last person you hugged? I don't really often hug anyone except my cat.

How is the weather right now? Blah.

Are you missing someone? Always. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone? I haven't got a cell anymore. This area is a deadzone for service. My landline runs off a phone box powered by my WiFi. This tablet's lock screen is Nippy on my lap at ten weeks old, the background of the home screen is my Nan when she was in her 30s.

What do you have handy at your bedside? I don't have a bedside table. I have a window by my bed with a really wide windowsill so I keep things there. Remotes, one of my cordless handsets, and a bowl that's always clean in case I get migraines and need to throw up but don't have energy to get to the toilet. Sometimes there's a drink or two there, too.

What is your dad's middle name? Not sharing that.

What is your mom's middle name? ^^^

First thing you'll save in a fire? Nippy, obviously. I don't give a shit about too much else.

[ros3ybabe]

Do you have any study tips for people who find it hard to concentrate for long periods of time, or just struggle to even sit down and focus?

Hi! I'm so sorry for the late answer, I've been busy with classwork, curating my schedule for the next few weeks, and just life in general.

I myself struggle to sit down and focus and have trouble concentrating for long periods of time. Everyone works differently and some things may not be helpful to everyone, just a disclaimer!

Something I do that really helps me is to have a set "ritual" I do every time I need to or at least know I need to do school work or productive things that I personally want to do.

My current "ritual" includes the following, in order:

Make a cup of my preferred drink (currently iced coffee with one sweet n low and French vanilla creamer) + grab a glass or bottle of water

Set out all my necessary materiales (studying ex: textbooks, stationary, technology, planner, etc)

Take a deep breath

Write out a todo list that is managable for what I want/need to accomplish

Flick on my desk lamp

Begin the first step for the first talk (open textbook, go to website, write out note title, etc)

My brain got into the habit of "lamp flicks on, sip of coffee, time to work" and it became very automated.

Lately, I've tried to spread out my necessary tasks out throughout a week (within necessary due dates) with daily planning for flexibility of my schedule and whatever things pop up. I believe being flexible with scheduling tasks helps a lot because sometimes I have more energy on some days than others, and other times, I need to allocate energy to other priorities.

For concentrating for long periods of time, I try to figure out my limits, and do whatever I can to work with myself and not against myself. I have severe unmedicated ADHD (as well as other things mentally) and I've learned to listen to my brain and body as best I can.

I can not concentrate if my phone is not near me or within eyesight when I study. I will be too preoccupied thinking about my phone and any missed notifications if I can't see my phone. Answering texts and calls while doing homework does not interfere with my productivity as it takes me a few seconds to type out a message and hit send or answer a call and listen/explain that I'm busy. (it's usually my dad who calls me, and I have no problem stopping my work to talk to my dad).

I need caffiene to give me that push to start. Once I taste my coffee, I know it's time to crack down on my assignments and start focusing on my work.

Background noise!! Very rarely can I listen to music when working at home, so I usually have a comfort show or some youtube video playing in the background while I do work. When I'm on campus, I listen to a specific playlist while doing schoolwork, usually more mellow music like Lana Del Ray, The Neighborhood, Chase Atlantic, MARINA, Mitski, Arctic Monkeys, Mother Mother, Cigarettes After Sex, beebadoobee, Taylor Swift etc. I normally listen to K-pop, but my favorite songs are too upbeat for getting work done.

I try not to watch the clock or set a timer because I never really know how long some assignments will take and if I'm watching the time pass I tend to get anxious and then my mind will wander from the task at hand.

Water!! I have to remind myself all the time, but having water at my desk or study area keeps me hydrated, which keeps me focused and awake.

I try not to eat big meals right before I do work. If I do eat something substantial before I need to work, I always wait 30 to 60 minutes so I can perk back up and properly focus on my work.

Never push past my physical energy limits. If I'm falling asleep at my desk, if I'm yawning uncontrollably, if my body feels heavy with fatigue, I will not push myself past exhaustion as that is no longer healthily productive.

Sleep is a priority!! If I'm sleepy and tired and groggy, I can't work properly. When I'm low on sleep, I also tend to over do the caffiene and overeat, which makes me both uncontrollably anxious and shaky while also making me more lethargic, thus inhibiting my work ability.

Listening to my body and learning how I work best has been the most helpful in my concentration and productivity abilities. I know when I'm feeling off, how to determine what I need in order to feel more regulated and functional. Good, healthy habits and a little self intuition go a long way for me.

I hope this was helpful in some way. I didn't want to give generic or basic tips because this is not a one size fits all topic. I'm open to any other questions!!

Til next time, lovelies!! 🩷

[dapperprincess]

(prefacing this by saying that i am not, in any way, being passive aggressive /srs)

hello hello! don't mind me, just your friendly neighbourhood anon here to remind you that assuming that men and boys are inherently born to do evil and that women and girls are inherently born to do good is a stereotype that has been used to oppress women into cleaning up after men's messes for centuries

it also implies that men are inherently incapable of change, and that means that all the fighting will just have been for naught since they will just keep being evil monsters forever, and whatever we do can't change that.

also, please keep in mind that this argument (man bad and evil; woman good and nice), historically, has been used against the feminist movement, not for it.

you (radfems) say that trans women (and please keep reading what i have to say before you get sent into a fit of rage and start yelling every insult under the sun at me ((who, by the way, is a cisgender woman)) for talking about trans women) push gender stereotypes onto cis women by conforming to societal gender norms, but you may not realise that you are (possibly without meaning to) doing the exact same thing by perpetrating that ideology that "woman = inherently good, man = inherently evil", which is historically an argument used only by those who looked to undermine women's autonomy and ability to change the system of oppression that has and continues to cause them harm.

ok, wall of text over! sorry for rambling on for so long, but i just felt the need to put this out there, because i truly do believe that your heart is in the right place, but to create meaningful change in the world we have to recognise that, although we thought something was true and good, sometimes we make mistakes, and that's okay! mistakes don't dictate our value!

ok, now i'm really done rambling! i'm not really going anywhere with this, but just thought i'd share! /gen

have a nice day/afternoon/night/whatever time of day it is where you are, and remember to drink water! <3

Have you ever actually read anything I’ve posted about gender, sex, and trans identities, or did you just find a radfem with anon on and send the message you really wanted to send to a different woman?

Anyway, this right here is what I meant when I said that posting about women’s rights or abortion rights or whatever will have people asking you if you’ve ever considering not wanting to kill all trans women and assuming you do. I have never once said that all men are inherently evil. I have on several occasions clarified that I dont believe that. I have never started randomly yelling insults at people for mentioning trans women or worked myself into fits of rage thinking of them, and have in fact told people that I do not support those who hurl insults at all trans people or perpetuate transphobia. And yet, my posts about women’s rights in the context of my belief that female is a classification of sexual reproductive roles and nothing more leads me to receive asks from the friendly neighborhood anon asking me if I’ve ever considered not believing something that I dont believe and have never claimed to believe.

Now I could do like one person suggested, I could delete this ask and block the anon who sent it, but I think that would just perpetuate the belief that I do believe these things, even though I have explicitly stated that I dont agree with anything presented here more than once. It would at least perpetuate that belief with the anon who sent this message and now, I assume, checks my blog for an answer. I assume nonny doesnt scroll to the other posts where I’ve answered these questions, so this becomes my one chance to convince someone that believing sex is the role someone would play in sexual reproduction and also the basis for women’s oppression doesnt automatically come with the “kill all trans women” add-on.

Now to actually answer your completely unique and not at all passive agressive question. ;-)

I do not assume men are inherently evil and women are inherently good. I know that women and girls have the same exact capacity for hurting others as men and boys do. The question, then, would be why do men and boys hurt other people at a higher rate since we all have the same capacity for harm?

Because they have the social power to do so. Because in my country, 80% of judges are men. The majority of police officers are men. The majority of business owners are men. The majority of people who hold any kind of tangible power in this world are men. And men are sexist. A by-product of men’s sexism is that a man will side with another man, even if other class interactions would usually prevent it, if a women is the other choice. As a result, women often receive more jail time and higher fines for the same crimes. Where a man has a career and a future that would be ruined over just a little lashing out, judges see women who harm others as “failed mothers” and “failed caretakers” and hold them with contempt and disgust, many also punishing these women more strictly due to an incorrect belief that women are given lesser sentences. You’re right about even the idea that men=evil woman=good feeds into this self-fulfilling system that makes people in positions of power see harmful men as average and harmful women as uniquely evil.

So if I dont believe that testicles make a person evil, and I believe that social factors play into this much more than any type of “nature” argument, then where do trans women come in?

The average trans women is not perceived as female. The average trans woman is perceived as a feminine man. Even if a trans women passes in every way, in most of these situations even just being “out” as trans (such as in the way you would have to be in front of a judge or in a doctor’s office, official places where tour name and social matter) is enough to be perceived as a man by other males. This means that when people in positions of power, namely men, go to make their decisions about who to promote or what sentence to pass, the judge is not seeing two women in front of him. The boss is not considering two women in his head. The doctor is not treat two different women. He is seeing a woman and an effeminate man. And men side with men, even if they hate them. They have this weird thing called class consciousness, and they know siding with a man they hate over a woman they tolerate or even like will result in more male supremacy, something 99.9% of males fights for, and every male who has never consciously picked a side will always pick the side that boasts his supremacy.

I think the second part of your question kinda fell apart due to the fact I dont believe men are inherently evil nor women inherently good, but I will close with the fact that most radfems dont believe that inherently evil stuff, to the point that a separate community has been made (called blackpilled/blackpilledradfems) and repeatedly hounded out of our spaces. If you’d like to pose this question to a blackpilled radfem, I would like to hear the answer you’d get, but I and the spaces I occupy are generally the wrong area for this discussion.

Feel free to send any more questions you have, and I hope this wall of text isnt too much for you XD

[lifmera]

Hello! Hope you're having a good day and that everything's going well! If it isn't too much to ask I would like to have a pairing with a Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel character, preferably male. * So a little bit about myself! My pronouns are He/They but actually like to present myself as feminine at times * Most people said that the first time they saw me they thought I was mean and actually scary and I think it was because of my stern look and whenever someone would ask me something I would give them short cold answers.. but I'm not that. I'm actually a little shy but once you know me I'm just super lively, loving to sing (even if I suck at it), always cracking a joke and just wanting to enjoy the moment. Despite all that I'm actually pretty calm at times and offer some heartfelt and harsh advice. Whenever that happens I just go full on serious mode and prefer to listen first and instead of solving the persons problems, I rather guide them in the right direction. * Likes! I love to do creative things, like writing and drawing, and to read, specially dystopian fiction. I also take a great interest in astronomy, magic things like witchcraft and bones (I can't explain it-). As for music it's basically a little bit of everything with both jazz and pop being way up. * In a relationship I prefer.. the less touching possible the better. That being said my main love languages are quality time and gift giving. Although I don't really enjoy touching, I wouldn't mind if my partner want hugs or something like that. And that's it! Sorry if it was too long and don't feel pressured to do it right away! Take your time and don't forget to drink plenty of water and rest! Hope you have a good day!

Hi hun!! Ofc!!

And finally my first Helluva req!!

And thank you sweetheart 💞 honestly i think Stolas would fit too.

I’ve decided to pair you with BLITZØ & ALASTOR!!!

Ill do Alastor first!

He’d definitely love and find you intriguing. Stone cold?

When he finds out more about you, he was honestly surprised.

Although he’d probably do duets with you, he’d LOVE to hear your jokes.

Especially if they are dad jokes cus … he is a huge dad joke.

He likes that you are able to be calm in situations, and help through situations too!

He would look to you for some advice, just to make sure he believes he’s right!

If you listen to Jazz? He’s spending all his time with you. And def listening to Jazz.

He would force you to chat about fav artists w him.

You both dislike physical touch, and he appreciates it. He would prefer acts of service and words of affirmation.

Now Blitzo!

He also presents feminine sometimes! He thinks it’d be fun to do together.

He definitely got attracted to you with that stone cold look, and short replies !! At first anyways.

Once he also gets to know you, he definitely would love to hang out with you!

Although you may not be the best singer- NEITHER IS HE!!! And he enjoys singing, or listening.

He is also always cracking jokes, so you both are cackling at EVERY MOMENT!!

He will always look to you for advice, and he doesn’t do that for anyone else either. He’s pretty reserved.

He would’ve probably confided into you about fizz, his mom, stolas and everything else at that moment in time.

Your interest in astronomy and witchcraft reminded him of Stolas, but instead of Stolas sexual nature- he has someone he really will care and show up for.

If you can draw, he will FORCE you to teach him. HE NEEDS TO DRAW HIS PONIES!! and obviously to make up for the shitty art lessons he got.

He would totally listen to your stories, because it would remind him of Millie and Moxxie, and he wants what they have.

He listens to more metally type of music, but boy will he listen to anything. Honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if he started listening to country??

I also think that Blitz isn’t big on physical touch either. He would be icked out. He thinks that words of affirmation and quality time are better. He knows you’re listening to him and willing to be there!

[give-soup-please]

Oh-ho-ho It's me, May again, plopping myself down in your inbox like I own the place. Honestly I don't mind if you post them or not, it's ultimately up to you - perhaps you decide to post some, and keep others. Regardless, I'll keep bringing them to you like a crow bringing its favorite person shiny treasures. I am mildly interested to know who you think I am - though there's no need to be embarrassed if you were to get it wrong, I'm anonymous because I'm trying (kind of) to hide after all. Now, to actually get to the few things I've collected in my little notepad about what I wanted to talk about. (Yes, I have a notepad that I jot things down into so that I don't flood your inbox.) 1. I'm sure you already know this, you addressed it in your post, but I do feel like it's important to say it as well: It's okay to feel a bit panicked at first when confronted with a problem. I feel like it's only natural to feel that way, anyways. But the main thing is that it's rather impressive that you can take a step back and acknowledge that there are ways to help alleviate the problem even if you aren't able to solve it. This is something that I struggle with personally as well, and to see someone else who does, who also handles it in a beautiful way, is very motivating and reliving. It makes it feel like it isn't the end of the world even if I was panicking originally. You're doing a wonderful job at slowly pushing yourself towards making healthier choices for you, and I wanted to thank you for putting that out there for others to read, it brings inspiration even if you don't have a direction to go with it. I do wish life could have an immediate answer, though. It would be SO much easier... but of course, "It's not fun if it's easy" 2. Pomegranate honey sounds delicious, I love pomegranates, so I can only imagine pomegranate flavored honey would be amazing, and wildly superior to clove honey. 3. There's going to be more??!??!?!?!?!?!?!? I don't think I can put into words the excitement and joy that knowing that is a potential reality brings me. Perhaps you could imagine the excited sounds of a dog, amplified, mixed with various clapping noises and tapping from me stimming. But really, why in the world are you sorry?! Sorry for what? Coming back and gracing the TSP community with something as beautiful as your writing? Poppycock I say! I absolutely adore it, as you know, and honestly it's like thinking you ran out of your favorite thing and then realizing you have more of it. It brings joy! Another note: I've not been in this fandom nearly as long as you have, but I can agree with the "Welp, the Narrator has simply dragged me back into this thing and I will never escape again" cycle. I've enjoyed it, though, and I've met and discovered so so many lovely people (cough, you cough) so maybe that was his plan all along... the sneaky bastard... improving my mental health... [grumble grumble] 4. Fun fact, I was also the anon that submitted that question asking you if you thought the ocean was a soup, and I wholeheartedly agree: Soup needs to be warm. The only thing about gazpacho I like is saying the word like Puss says it in Puss in Boots. Oh, and I figured I would say, my favorite soup: It's this roasted garlic soup I made once, it was quite good. I can't recall what else was in it... other than roasted garlic... but obviously it was a soup.... Anywho, that's all I have for now. As always, please take care of yourself. Don't push yourself for something that isn't going to benefit you, and even if it has a benefit think of yourself in the long run first (is it really going to be worth it). Do something for you, and drink some water today if you haven't... and drink a little more if you have. ~ Your friend, May

hello again, may.

i'll start out small and see if i can start inching towards the truth over time. i believe you are someone i interact with in the discord DMs on a regular basis. that may not be the case, but you remind me of a good friend that i met under interesting circumstances.

i'm glad it helped. the path to better mental health is a hard one, one of the hardest paths to walk. but every small choice we make in the right direction is monumental.

2. yes, pomegranate honey is freaking delicious, but it is also hard to find. most grocery stores don't have it because it's copyrighted and is only made on one 5000 acre farm, according to the presentation i was at yesterday.

3. yes, there will be more. i'm working on a few pieces now. there will likely be a few more chapters of the human experience, and another... bonus story. which will hopefully be short and not another major undertaking dslkfjslkfjs (i realized at some point that the human experience project starts the narrator off as softer than his canon counterpart, and that i never really went into detail into how our relationship was established before he crossed over. nar will be a bit more mean in this one before he starts softening up, and closer to his canon self in terms of... pettiness. i'm aiming for that to be under ten chapters, because i just finished one 50k project and i don't think i can do it again so soon. as for my apologies, well, that's an interesting thing, isn't it? i want to move on from the narrator for complicated reasons that involve how i handle interpersonal relationships, but he keeps calling me back again and again. i'm still not done with him, and he's not letting me go despite my irritation about the whole thing.

interesting kind of soup there.

you take care of yourself too, ok? get uno reverse card(ed)

[password-door-lock]

Mystictober Day 22-- Doctor

The headache just won’t go away. It's been bothering Saeran for hours, and no matter what he does, it simply won't let up— he's barely gotten any work done, and he hasn't even had the energy to make his way down the hall to the toy room to let off steam on you. It goes without saying that he is beyond annoyed when he hears a knock at the door— can’t the believers just leave him alone? “What?” he demands, voice rough.

“Guess who?” The sing-song voice from the other side of the door is enough to get him scrambling across the room, ignoring the pain in his head.

“Who the hell let you out of that room?” Saeran demands. Apparently, the believers that he charged with watching your door failed to comprehend and follow the very simple instructions they were given. 

“Nobody,” you assure him. You must have sneaked out, then, if you’re telling the truth— Saeran will have to increase the security by your room to make sure this doesn’t happen again. He doesn’t want to deal with you right now. “You said you weren't feeling well?” You approach him with caution, finally showing him the fear that he's been trying to elicit since the first time he went to your room. Good. You should be afraid of him. 

“That's none of your business, toy,”  Saeran spits.

“Can I take your temperature?” You brandish a flimsy plastic thermometer. 

“Where did you even get something like this?” Saeran rips the thermometer out of your hand and tosses it across the room. Do you honestly think he's going to let you check his body temperature? Why would you even need that information, anyway? You must still be confused about your situation at Magenta, if you think he’s going to let you get away with something like that. 

“I found it in the bathroom,” you explain. “Ray left all kinds of first aid stuff in there for me, but it seems like you need it more than I do right now. Cough drop?”

Saeran examines the tray in your hands, and finds, to his dismay, that you have brought the entire first aid kit, along with some food from the Mint Eye cafeteria and several bottles of water. If you got as far as the cafeteria, you probably could have escaped, so why the hell did you come back to him? Don't you have any idea what's good for you? “Who told you to go to the cafeteria?” It’s the best thing he can think of to say while he contends with the utter shock of your presence. Why the hell are you still here when you could have run away with ease?

“You never told me not to,” you point out, “Anyway, are you feeling a little bit better?”

“Who the hell are you to ask me something like that?” Saeran demands. He’s annoyed that none of his questions thus far have been answered to his satisfaction, and even more annoyed that someone like you is worried about someone like him. He can take care of himself, after all, unlike you. He doesn’t need your help. Saeran tries to knock the tray out of your hands, but you sidestep him, entering the intelligence room and setting the tray firmly on the desk.

“You kept telling me to make myself useful,” you remind him, “So that's what I'm doing. You might feel better after you drink some water.” You’re still wearing that infuriating expression of concern, with your eyebrows knit together and your lips pursed. You look ridiculous, worrying over somebody who could crush you like a bug. 

“Oh, wow, what a kind prince(ss) you are,” Saeran sneers at you, flopping down into his desk chair. Mocking you makes him feel more like he’s in control, but it’s annoying that you keep making the same face. Can’t you do something more interesting? “Coming here to take care of me. Aren’t you just a saint?” He can't help but laugh at the idea of you looking after him— what could you possibly do for him that the Savior couldn't? You don’t even have the common sense to leave when you’re in danger. 

Without warning, you press the back of your hand to his forehead. It feels nice and cool; for a moment, Saeran relaxes into the touch. He comes to his senses quickly, though, and before you can get too comfortable, he is grabbing you by the wrist and wrenching your hand away. You should have waited until he ordered you to do that— then, he could have let you keep your hand there. It really did feel nice. You study him with concern. “You're burning up.” You bite your lip in some combination of concentration and concern. 

Saeran has heard those words before, though he can't remember where. Someone who cared said exactly that to him when he was young, after placing one small hand in the exact same spot on his forehead that you just touched. But that's impossible, Saeran reminds himself— nobody cared for him when he was young. That was why the Savior rescued him in the first place. “What are you doing to me?” He demands. Why would you make him remember something that didn't even happen?

“I'm trying to help,” you inform him, “At least try to drink some water. Your body needs fluids right now— and food, too. You might feel better if you eat, once you’re feeling up to it.” 

“What are you, some kind of doctor?” Saeran has been asking questions since you got here, and the lack of answers is putting him on edge.

You just shrug, offering him a water bottle. “It can't hurt you, can it? And it might make the headache go away.” He should never have told you that his head was hurting, and he wouldn’t have, if he had known that this was how you would react. 

“What do you know?” Saeran mumbles, asking yet another question. But some animal instinct deep within him seems to have other ideas, because he finds himself unscrewing the cap and indulging in a prolonged drink. It feels almost as good as your hand did on his forehead, just as cool against his chapped lips.

“Thank you,” you breathe, like he did anything for you by drinking water. How stupid can you get?

“Get out of my sight,” Saeran growls. He’s not going to let you stand around watching him with that annoying look on your face. If you want to make yourself useful, that’s fine, but even you can’t pretend there’s any use in what you’re doing now. 

At least you have the sense to obey that command. “Okay,” you offer him a slight smile, eyes watery. He’s been trying to make you cry for days to no avail, but drinking water is what does it? Saeran is seriously beginning to wonder if there’s something wrong with you. Why didn’t you escape when you had the chance? Why would you take such a monumental risk to bring him things that he could have gotten for himself? “Please let me know if you need anything else. I'll sneak out again— I mean it.” You begin to collect the tray, but Saeran holds up his hand to stop you.

Like a puppet on a string, you stand still, waiting for his next command. Yes, this is how you should behave— maybe drinking water isn't so bad, if it gets you to act like this. “Leave it,” Saeran orders.

“Okay.” You sound relieved, and your smile widens, though you have no real reason to be pleased.

“Go back to your room and wait for me there,” Saeran barks. When you fail to start moving again, he raises his voice. “I said get out of my sight! Do you want to find out what happens when you don’t listen to me, prince(ss)?” 

You don't even flinch. “I hope you feel better soon, Saeran.”

[melodiclune]

Got tagged on this way too many times. Thanks guys for reminding me that I am perceived. [I'm kidding, of course.]

Hi. I'm finally here. @kuro-min @jujutsustraycats @ravelroses @lakeside-paradise -- I'm really glad I could be a positive influence in your lives, in whatever minor amount. It's not really what I set out to do, I'm probably the worst person to be a role model, but if I've brought any positivity into your lives then I am happy for it.

Hm.

As for my own list.

@a-mel-tomelts -- Can you believe I only properly talked to you this year? I swear it feels like forever. I suppose I did know OF you earlier but I only count this year as our first friendship. I appreciate you, very much, SuMelre <3 You've been lovely to me, and I hope I've been good to you too. Go drink water dumdum.

To all the people in GF FC-- You have most definitely changed my life, and I could not possibly tag all of you individually. But know that I truly cherish the time we spent together, even if I am not even close to active in there anymore. And you, @someprettyname, despite my initial reluctance to joining, I'm glad you dragged me into it. I appreciate you too. You've been such a lovely friend to me, reinforcing positivity, and I thank you for it <3

To all the people I met through RP Blogs that I May or May Not have manned for a short period of time -- Thank you for giving me insight into the nature of fandom, and characters, that I would not have gained otherwise. Thank you for putting my world into perspective, and giving me much to think about. I've met many new people through it and I truly do appreciate each one of you, even if I can't quite show it as well as I'd like. I hope you're all doing well.

To all the people I met doing the Traffic Zine-- You made the experience so so enjoyable, and you're all such a talented bunch. I cannot tell you how much I valued it. It opened doors to things I would have never let myself do, and for that I cannot be more thankful.

To all the people I met after finally sharing my fanfiction, my theories and my fanart with the internet-- thank you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. I never knew people would like my work so much. I cannot articulate how much it means to me. Truly, you've done so much for my self esteem I could not possibly say. Every time I hear from you it makes me want to smile. And to those of you I managed to befriend after it-- you are such lovely people. Thank you for being here.

There's many more people I want to thank. I could keep going. If I start naming people individually this will never end. But know that if I talk to you regularly, as regularly as I can manage, then I appreciate you. More than I could possibly articulate. Your friendship means a lot to me.

As for the lovely, unforgettable people whom I've known for over a year-- you know exactly who you are. I don't need to even say it. <3

Open Tags. Everyone appreciate your friends RIGHT NOW.

[digital170cm]

19 aug '24 vent

i'm frustrated at the way i let myself become so consumed by the way i feel. at the same time, i'm worried about the fear and desperation clinging over my ribcage, making me nauseous whenever i notice that it's there.

a revolting body that is being cut into small and smaller chunks. i feel sick about everything and have no reason to believe i will be better in the future.

a friend of a friend posted on her story last night that she cannot stand people who only talk about themselves, despite knowing it stems from loneliness and social ineptitude. this is also something i've been thinking about a lot. i notice that i take zero to very little interest in people any more. when i speak, it comes out panicked and unfiltered. no thought goes into anything that i say, i'm just trying to pretend like i'm somebody else, a person who's liked at the table.

this leads me to default to "oh, i think that too."

"something similar happened to me,"

"that reminds me of when..."

lately i've been trying to mask it by using 'we' a lot more. it's us. you and i. please feel included, and please include me, i guess.

i can't remember if i was always like this, but at the very least i can say that it's something i've gotten worse at. here, there are days that go by where i don't talk to anyone. summer vacation was particularly bad for it, and now that i'm surrounded by new faces- the ones that remained from last semester feel particularly haunting.

i had some optimism that i could be better, and i believe i was and still can be, socially. the headspace i'm in right now, the past few days, does not lend itself to being particularly extraverted though. i want to hide in my room for the rest of the semester and i can barely leave to get water or food. i don't want to see anyone, i don't want to struggle my way through conversation right now.

i miss my friends at home and how easy it feels around them. everything here feels painful, like a presentation i am clearly. visibly underprepared for. it feels like everyone else can see it, or even sense it when i'm in the same space as them.

it's been worse since i drank too much on friday for a friends birthday. i feel so much shame and embarrassment that i'm determined only to drink what i go on holiday with my friend from home. i'm even anxious about that. i can't really enjoy socialising with new people without drinking and now i can't enjoy it with alcohol either. i guess it's one of those things you learn how to do the hard way.

for what reward, i don't know any more.

i just want to go home.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 29 - Part 2

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

The club was already packed by the time we got there, Wren having to circle around a bit until he found parking.

The car was barely stopped when Stella, Jess and James jumped out of the car, leaving the rest of us behind.

"They must really love this place," Micah said cheerfully.

"You have no idea," Wren replied before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut.

Micah and I shared a look before following after him.

Micah stood close to me and leaned in to speak quiet enough so that Wren wouldn't hear from where he was walking ahead.

"That's Fox's brother right?" Micah asked.

I nodded in confirmation.

"I knew he looked familiar but I've only seen him a couple of times. I didn't know you two were friends."

I didn't have it in me to tell him that we were more than friends.

I had no idea how to admit something like that since I'd never had to before.

It wasn't like Micah didn't know I was gay.

We wouldn't even be in this situation if he didn't know that but knowing it and actually seeing it were very different things.

I didn't know how he would react.

So I just didn't say anything to that.

I could let him believe the two of us were just friends for the night. Wren didn't wait for us to catch up before going inside.

By the time Micah and I got in there, he was already at a table in the corner, Mara on their way to bring him a water.

The club seemed louder and more vibrant than the last time I was here but that might have been because last time I was walking around with a dark cloud over my head.

"Wow, it's great in here," Micah shouted over the music as we sat down with Wren.

The table he chose was circular.

Wren sat with his back toward the bar while Micah sat across from him facing it.

I sat between the two, facing the dance floor, my back to the wall.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked Micah.

He thought on it for a moment then nodded.

"Get me a soda," he said.

I stood up and went to the bar, ordering a soda for Micah and a water for me and leaving a tip down for Mara before heading back to our seats.

Micah was smiling as he was saying something to Wren but I couldn't tell if Wren was actually listening or if Micah was being oblivious to Wren ignoring him.

"Do you guys come here often?" Micah asked as I sat down.

Wren shrugged.

"Once in a while."

He stared at Micah as he took a sip of his drink.

"I've only been here once," I told him.

"It kinda reminds me of back in high school when we were always trying to sneak into places like this," Micah said with a laugh.

"Of course, those places were a lot less colorful and a lot more dodgy."

He said it in a light-hearted way.

Micah was always light-hearted but I still hated thinking about myself from back then.

I was someone who was a lot angrier, someone who was trying so hard to hide a part of themselves that everything about me was an act.

I would do anything to make my friends think I was cool back then and they did think I was cool until my father told everyone at church to pray for his gay son.

Then I wasn't so cool anymore.

I was disgusting and wrong and corrupt.

I was surprised I even made it out of my senior year but I supposed I had Micah to thank for that.

"I can't imagine Landon sneaking into a club," Wren said to Micah.

"Or you if I'm being completely honest."

Micah only laughed.

"I was always so paranoid about it but Landon just led us in there like he owned the place. Sometimes I couldn't even go in. I was too nervous."

"We didn't do it that often," I muttered.

I just wanted him to stop talking about back then.

I didn't want Wren to know that part of me because it didn't exist anymore.

Wren glanced at me for a moment before getting up from the table, telling us he was going to the bathroom.

"This isn't really his scene, is it?" Micah asked when Wren was gone.

I sighed.

"It's not mine either."

He grinned.

"So the two of you just sit off to the side together while your friends have fun?"

"Pretty much," I replied, sipping on my water.

"I don't really do this much either," Micah admitted.

"I go out with my friends sometimes but mostly I just stay in."

"Me too."

"I actually started seeing someone," Micah told me.

"And she's the same way. We stay in together. It's nice."

"That's good," I said, not knowing how else to respond.

Micah and I never really talked about this sort of thing.

That was mainly because from he time I started living with him until now, he hadn't been seeing anybody.

He was spending most of his time making sure I wasn't about to have a mental breakdown.

"Are you seeing anyone?" he asked me.

[theloveinc]

stupid tumblr 😔 it was mostly just a check in ♥️ I wanted to know who your fave is in Windbreaker since you're watching/reading it. I can't pick because I just get lost in the eyes of whoever the episode is focusing on 😂

I also asked how your vacation was! And if you had any fun stories to share that you haven't yet.

And then I apologized for being MIA 🙏

I also reminded you to drink some water! And that I love you 🥰

🐞

tumblr please don't glitch on this one

ladybug!! sorry for taking so long in getting to u, i so appreciate that u were thinking of me enough to check in and even re-send me the message when i lost it🩵❤️‍🩹🩵❤️‍🩹

i can't believe you're into windbreaker too!! i mean, actually i can believe it LOL but i still feel like it's relatively new, so seeing more and more people join the party is both.... surprising and not surprising, yunno? ANYWAY, i'm kinda in the same boat bc I'M LOVING THE STORY TOO, but i do have to admit ume, tsubaki, sakura and TOGAME ESP are all berry high up on my list!! hiragi n sugi are growing on me too...

(togame is actually incredible because he reminds me so much of myself when i was in high school. not personality-wise lmfao but i too literally only wore sweats and flip flops all four years LMFAOOOOO. thats one thing i actually really like about WB, is that these boys (altho the story is unrealistic in a lot of ways) actually portrays high school students in a way that i genuinely enjoy......... )

that aside tho, what do you think has been your favorite arc so far? they all have a little something special about them!

andddd... in terms of my vacation (which, you're so sweet to ask about too<3)... there's nothing too significant or funny to report on! i did end up tripping flat on my face at the wedding and busting my knees kinda badly, but that's about all i can think of for now....

BUT no worries about the MIA! clearly i'm lagging behind with all my asks and stuff TOO, boo me!! as i always say tho, as long as you're caring for yourself, that's what matters the most!

i however def need to work on my hydration, i admit... i'm having liquids just not always water which is getting to me honestly...

ANYWAY, THANKS FOR ALWAYS BEING THE SWEETEST 🐞 BUGGY BOO! i'm sorry if i don't say it enough, and i'm sorry if i say it TOO MUCH... but you are truly the best🥺🌷i hope things have been well for you also; please drop by anytime to update me on them so i can return the favor of your interest🫶🏻

[saddstuffshitpost]

my mental health has been exceptionally terrible lately but i'm starting to notice more and more intense physical manifestations and it's concerning but also... annoying? i feel like my ankle isn't healing as fast as it should because my body is so stressed and near its limit and is just constantly worrying about other issues. my hands wouldn't stop sweating and i had really bad bouts of anxiety for seemingly no reason? it got so bad that eventually i developed a rash on the palms of my hands from all the sweat. my stomach is constantly hurting and i'm lucky if i can manage to eat more than one mediocre meal a day. right now, my stomach is cramping severely and i can only assume it's because i'm still grieving a lot of things and there's a lot on my mind. i've been in bed for a few hours and i just want to get up and feel normal but then i get these crazy cramps. i've never had them like this before. i feel like there's a belt just under my chest that is absolutely squeezing the shit out of my organs and just gets tighter. i drink nothing but water and i'm still horribly dehydrated. i don't understand that!! ugh. i feel like i'm teetering between taking full control of my emotions and blossoming or just succumbing to how terrible i feel. sometimes i wish i had the courage to get rid of myself but then i start feeling bad. i start thinking of how hurt and traumatized the people around me will be. i know how bad it hurts to lose someone that way now. i wish i didn't. i wish none of this happened. my life just continued going downhill since last year and i feel like i just haven't caught a fucking break yet. relationship drama. my cat died. we lost john. i fractured my ankle. we lost elijah. it all hurts. i'm grateful to the one friend i have right now for validating me and reminding me that i'm allowed to be devastated. so far he's the only one that's listened to me and rationalized things in a way that is so helpful and alleviates my problems for a time. i couldn't believe how much i was actually holding in until he called me, not knowing i was crying, and just let me spill my heart out. it just all came out at once, whether i wanted it to or not. and i did want it to, i guess i just didn't realize. things are tough. there's a lot of change going on around me. people are different. fickle. i don't know what to do. i wish i could disappear just for a little while. put everything on pause and go somewhere better. nicer, calmer. warm and loving. i want to be around everyone and everything i love. i want to see elijah so bad. i'm so angry. i can't say i don't understand because i do. we all kinda do. but that doesn't negate how fucking horrible it feels. i don't know. i can only hope that amidst the pain i'm going through and all the things i have to endure now, that i'll emerge as a better person. i hope so. i don't know.

[paleparearchive]

The Drinking Party and the Revealed Heart

Kuroda's initial 4★ story (3/3) ( 1 - 2 - 3 )

Location: kitchen (morning) | Characters: Kuroda, Courbet, Watteau, Aoi/MC

Aoi: (W-What should I do! Hokusai-san left Kuroda-san…)

Courbet-kun!

Courbet: …

Aoi: Why are you looking away!?

Courbet: ... I was only forced to go along with him halfway. I have no obligation or duty to take care of him.

Goodbye.

Aoi: Courbet-kun! H-He's gone…

(If it comes to this…)

Watteau-kun! Help me carry Kuroda-san!

Watteau: No no, this ain't the time to do that. I gotta go spread the word 'bout the cute Kuroda-sensei!

I'll go get someone and leave the rest to ya, Deputy director!

Aoi: Watteau-kun, wait…!

(I can't believe you left me alone with a drunk Kuroda-san… You're all so heartless!)

I thought it was going to be a normal, fun drinking party, drinking, eating, talking…

(... What, this isn't the time to escape from reality. I want to carry Kuroda-san somehow, but I can't do it by myself…)

Kuroda: M… Mmmmh…? Huh… Everyone is…?

Aoi: Ah, Kuroda-san! Thank God, you're awake.

Kuroda: You, are you alone…?

From what I can tell from this situation, it looks like I've gone too far.

Aoi: You were drinking quite a lot. Here's some water, if you want it.

Kuroda: Yeah, I'll have some.

Aoi: Is that water delishous³?

Kuroda: Ugh… You have a lot of nerve to mention such a thing while I'm drinking.

Aoi: I'm sorry, I just had to.

Kuroda: … Well, it's my own fault for making that mistake.

Aoi: I never thought I would see the real Kuroda-san… It was a bit unexpected.

Kuroda: I've never showed that to anyone beside Katsushika.

Aoi: I was happy to see a new side of you, Kuroda-san. You're always strict, but you also recognize Van Gogh-kun… I thought you were very friendly.

Kuroda: Yeah, because I'm not always the friendliest person in the world. One could be forgiven for thinking that.

Aoi: I-I'm sorry… I didn't mean it that way…

Kuroda: … I know. Because you're not the kind of person to be sarcastic.

Although, I never thought I would get drunk in front of someone again… Perhaps I've been buoyant ever since I remembered the joy of honing my skills as an artist. This is your fault too.

Aoi: Huh?

Kuroda: Coming to this museum made me believe in my own potential and reminded me of the joy of painting.

Kuroda: … Director-kun. That's all thanks to you, I guess.

Aoi: Kuroda-san…?

(H-He's close I could almost touch him…)

Kuroda: Come to think of it, I've never had a drink with you. Would you like a drink?

Aoi: No, I…

Kuroda: … Just kidding. As I said, I don't drink anymore, either. I don't want you to… No more… I can't show you…

…

Aoi: Kuroda-san?

Kuroda: …

Aoi: (He fell asleep…)

... I never thought I would be thanked by Kuroda-san.

(At first we had him here as a teacher for Van Gogh-kun… I'm so glad that Kuroda-san himself has started to take up the brush again.)

Oh, I remember there was a blanket someone had left behind. I'll put it on so he won't catch a cold.

Kuroda: Mmmh… Here you need more… Colors, layered…

Aoi: (Is he dreaming of painting?)

... I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Kuroda-san.

³: the word used here is うみゃー (umyā), which means "delicious" in the Nagoya dialect (decided to translate it as "delishous" to make it sounds different than the usual word). I honestly don't know if this word is also used in the Kyushu dialect Kuroda is speaking, since Nagoya is in Honshu… Dude so drunk he can speak all the dialects.