#drifting writes things | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wavesoutbeingtossed · 1 month ago

Text

The TTPD Deep Dive (Part ?)

It’s no secret that I have a lot of Thoughts about The Tortured Poets Department and it has lived rent-free in my head since it came out earlier this year. I’m absolutely blown away by how underneath the chaos, it’s actually an exceptionally cohesive story and is probably the closest to a concept album Taylor has ever done.

There are so many themes that have stood out to me over the last five months, and there’s one in particular that I think not only drives the entire album, but ties into previous albums to help deepen understanding of it.

This is it, my fangirl magnum opus, my months of posts consolidated into one place. This is also my disclaimer that this is just my interpretation of the album, and my summary of the story it tells, and I don’t pretend to have any special insight or authority. I’m not saying I’m correct at all, do not take any of this as fact, it’s just what it sounds like to me, and these are my silly not-so-little thoughts about it.

(Under a cut because it’s way too long and involves discussion many may not care for or be sick of.)

Come one, come all, it's happening again (I'm thinking too hard about Taylor music)

The overarching theme in TTPD to me is: Grief. If you’re looking at TTPD as a story being told (instead of just as someone’s real life), the inciting incident of TTPD is loss, and the grief from that loss is what drives the narrator’s actions and the fallout, as well as unpacks those complicated feelings and how they apply to the her life in general. By the end of the standard album, it’s also about recovering from that pain, moving on from it and learning from it.

The loss specifically is the loss of the dream of having a family (with one’s partner). One thing that is abundantly clear both on the top line and under the surface in TTPD is how Taylor (as a person and as narrator) longed not only to for marriage but specifically parenthood, and the fear and then realization of losing that chance absolutely wrecked her— which is why the next lover’s (the conman's) wooing worked so well, because it preyed on that yearning. Yet that loss also dovetails into the grief of many things: of youth, of idealism, of relationships, of ideas, even of self, which causes almost a deconstruction of a belief system to piece one’s life back together by the end.

THE CONTEXT

TTPD weaves in the topics of marriage and motherhood both explicitly and in the subtext, in various forms and scenarios. The cheating husband in “Fortnight.” The wedding ring line in “TTPD” the song. “He saw forever so he smashed it up” in “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.” All of “So Long, London.” Running away with her wild boy in “But Daddy I Love Him,” fantasizing about weddings and joking about babies. The imaginary rings in “Fresh Out The Slammer.” The cheating husband (again) and the friends who smell like weed or “little babies” in “Florida!!!” “You and I go from one kiss to getting married,” “Talking rings and talking cradles,” and “our field of dreams engulfed in fire” in “loml.” (And arguably: “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all.”) “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short,” in “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart.” They may not sound like much on their own, but they paint a picture about how the topics pervaded her thoughts and her writing, and in many cases express her desires, and her pain.

It’s something that goes back several albums when you pick up on context clues. You get the first hints on Reputation with “New Year’s Day,” and “you and me forevermore.” Then Lover is very forward with it: “Lover” is basically wedding vows, “Paper Rings” is very engagement-coded, “I Think He Knows” is cheeky but low-key “you better put a ring on it,” “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” has wedding/marriage imagery in the last verse. As a self-professed diaristic writer, it’s the type of stuff one presumably doesn’t put out there unless those conversations have already happened, and she was very excited about it at the time it was released.

Then the pandemic happens and folklore comes out, and while there is still happy love there (“invisible string”), there are also the first indications that something has happened to put a halt to whatever future she once dreamed of (“hoax,” “the lakes”) and that she’s trying to reassure herself and him that it can still happen even if she’s scared it might not (“peace”). Notably, as far as I can remember it’s the first time Taylor explicitly brings up the idea of family (with her partner) with “you know that I’d give you my wild, give you a child,” which stood out at the time because it’s so incredibly vulnerable, but it’s even more poignant when you really take in that the whole song is like a confession of her deepest worries, and this is her vowing to give him these things that she holds most sacred if he’ll let her. These are what she cherishes most dearly and wants to return in kind: her youth and commitment (my wild), the family she craves (a child), unconditional support (swing for the fences/sit in the trenches) and understanding/compassion (silence that only comes when two people know each other).

Evermore follows an even darker path, and suddenly the album explores relationships that end and grappling with loss. There are toxic relationships (“tolerate it”), dangerous marriages (“no body, no crime,” “ivy”), failing/broken relationships (“Coney Island,” “champagne problems,” “happiness,” “‘tis the damn season”), as well as grief (“Marjorie,” “evermore”). Even some of the happy songs have uncertainty in them: in “willow” she’s begging for him to take her lead, like she’s still trying to decipher him and ask him to commit; in “cowboy like me,” still a beautiful love song, she’s thinking, “this wasn’t supposed to work and we were supposed to bail on each other but we fell in love instead”; “evermore” is about the depths of severe depression (and more) with the love story being the one saving grace in her darkest hour. And it’s also notable that after all the “fiction” writing, shortly after this album she writes “Renegade” where she’s telling the subject: I’m ready to start the next phase of our life now, why aren’t you? Is it me you don’t want after all? It’s like there’s something telling her that this stall might not just be a stall.

Midnights is a jumble (in a good, but in hindsight, also sad way) with the “sleepless nights” concept, but it seems pretty clear now that the themes and events and relationships she was revisiting tied into a lot of what she was feeling in her present life. I wrote the cliff notes version awhile back, but she’s questioning so much of her life that’s reflected in past events and relationships. Am I actually always the problem? How did we lose sight of each other and what we had? We only seem to work when we block out everyone and everything else. Can we ever go back to when things were good? Why are you neglecting me? I once thought I was going to lose everything but you saved me in the nick of time, can that happen again? I chased my career, but did I give up my chance at having a family in the process? Nobody knows what I really suffer from behind closed doors and I’m all alone.

And so on, which in retrospect now that we have TTPD, is very much what she was grappling with in private while writing and releasing the album. The inspiration behind the songs may have been different events and muses, but regardless of their origins they all end up feeling too familiar, like she's seen this film before (ahem). We’re seeing her view of commitment change too, or rather how she writes about it: she’s not making the outright declarations of it like on Lover, or even the implied ones on folklore, nor is she talking of the dark side of it like evermore. For the most part it’s a return to the early days of some relationships, before things got hard, or the end of them when there was nothing left, and also pushing away the discussion of it altogether by the outside world. “Sweet Nothing” is a sweet slice of life, but even at that, it’s the peace of the home in conflict with the pressure of the outside world. Now that we have “You’re Losing Me,” which was written at the same time as the rest of the album, we can probably deduce that she was going back to the start because something happened that made her doubt the future.

THE SETUP

So much of Midnights directly ties into TTPD, and I said in the post I linked that it’s like Midnights is asking the questions that TTPD answers. But there’s one song in particular on Midnights that sticks out to me as being key in the broadest sense to understanding the state of mind that led to the events of TTPD, and that’s “Bigger Than The Whole Sky,” because the way it expresses grief is reflected in the theme of mourning a life built and the dreams along with it that are never realized in TTPD. There are several instances in TTPD that are basically variations of: “every single thing to come has turned into ashes,” and that’s what makes her snap, and leaves her vulnerable to someone who promises her those things when she’s bereaved at losing them in the first place. (In other words: “the deflation of our dreaming leaving me bereft and reeling.”) The song tells a story about how that loss of hope colours one’s entire mindset, and in some ways is a bridge to TTPD to understand what such a low point feels like.

I think that that grief, and most importantly losing hope for an imagined future in its wake, is fundamental to understanding TTPD on so many levels: both the decline with one partner that kept her hanging on then led her such a dark path, and why she fell for the conman's apparent bullshitting because it offered an express pass to what she was losing with her partner. And I also feel like it plays a part into the ruminating she’s doing all over Midnights, trying to make sense of where she finds herself when she’s writing the album, which directly leads to “You’re Losing Me.” Loss permeates so many of the stories on Midnights: of lovers, of innocence, of youth, of faith, of control, of life’s work, etc. “BTTWS” is just one of the ways in which it is expressed so fully, capturing that deep depression and subsequent extinction of faith in something that once felt assured and very much wanted. (Which is also mentioned in her writing process in the “Depression” playlist on Apple Music.)

If you understand why that feeling of loss in general across so many parts of life is so important to Midnights, then it illuminates so much about the “narrative” in TTPD too. If on Midnights she’s wrestling with the seeds of grief and loss (on multiple fronts), TTPD is her reckoning with it in its full form. “So Long, London” is the song that is the most explicit about it: How much sad did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I’d go before I’d have to go be free? You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof. It’s the sequel to “You’re Losing Me.” It’s, the air is thick with loss and indecision, I know my pain is such an imposition, I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, I’ve got nothing left to believe unless you’re choosing me, my heart won’t start anymore, but from the other side of the break.

This is highly speculative, but if you follow the thread about the topic and the relationship as told from Rep through TTPD, in broad strokes it goes: young love with a serious connection (Rep) -> growing up and making life plans (Lover) -> something happens that delays those plans or makes them grind to a halt (folklore) -> serious doubts arise and cause a loss of faith in their future (evermore) -> struggling with the loss of that future and trying to make sense of the problems in a last ditch attempt to save the relationship (Midnights) -> fallout from that grief after the blowup of the relationship (TTPD). Understanding that progression of events (through the music) explains not only the storytelling side of TTPD (e.g. the jump from the partner to the conman) but also how the experiences/muses blend in the music, and how the music that on the surface is about the short-term relationship is really driven by the destruction of the long-term one.

Following the music, it’s IMO implied that Taylor (the narrator) was holding out for marriage and family with her partner, for years, and it seems like it was at one point a shared dream until something happened to pump the brakes, and seemingly on her partner’s end. And extrapolating further, given how the sorrow expressed in former albums bleeds into TTPD, it sounds like a plan that had been concrete in some form before it had fallen apart, and losing something that once felt so tangible is what drives her in her grief to find any kind of respite from the pain. Which is why the situation with the conman becomes so appealing as the one with the partner splinters further and further.

(If everything you’ve once touched is sick with sadness and you don’t want to be sad anymore, what are you left to do?)

THE STORY

So (one part of) the story kind of sounds like this from the standard album: the relationship with her partner as well as his mental health slowly deteriorate and he withdraws emotionally (“London,” “Fresh Out The Slammer”) and physically (again, “London,” and “Guilty As Sin?”) and takes his resentment out on her (“London” and arguably “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” even though I don't want to get into muse speculation here). As she sinks deeper into her own depression as a result, the weight of the failing relationship starts feeling like a cage— or a noose (“London,” “Guilty”), but coming to terms with the loss of their life together and the future they’d dreamed of was killing her (again, “London,” but also “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart”).

Enter the conman who she reconnects with at the very point where this is coming to a head (knowing that IRL she reconnected with him around the time Midnights was being worked on) , and if you read between the lines, she confides some deeply personal things to him (“Down Bad” and “hostile takes overs”/“encounters closer and closer,” “Smallest Man” and the entire sleeper cell spy imagery which is one of my favourite things and I could write a whole essay about the meaning of it, “loml” and “A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme”). Then after she’s confided these secrets to him, he insinuates himself back into her life (“Guilty,” “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man”) and sells her a dream that HE can give her all these things she hopes for (again, “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man,” “loml,” song “TTPD,” “Broken Heart”).

But the thing is, he only knows these are the things she wants because she’s revealed it to him, and presumably, told him that was what she was losing by staying with her partner. And instead of the normal response of, “that is really sad that your partner is not supporting you and you deserve to be treated better,” to a friend in growing distress, it seems like it was, “well I can give you all those things!!!! Right now!!!! Trust me!!!!” And worked on her until she believed it, and jumped at the chance at a precarious time in her life. And one thing I want to underscore is: Taylor has agency in the situation always, it’s not like she’s been kidnapped and brainwashed. (In fact, she implores on songs like “But Daddy” that SHE is in charge of her own choices, good or bad.) She chose to rekindle the friendship and then relationship, and she chose to eventually leave her long term relationship for another man, and she reiterates on the album that she owns this all. But it’s also: nothing exists in a vacuum, and she makes choices based on emotions and information she has at the time, which is why it gives so much whiplash.

THE ALBUM

When you look at it as, the situation with the conman only happens because of what happened with the partner first and that the appeal of the conman and the fantasy he sells her is a direct reaction to that, it makes the “swirliness” of the music make so much more sense. And for much of it, even many of the “conman” songs on the surface are really “partner” songs underneath.

Fortnight

A suburban gothic allegory about a broken marriage with a distant husband with a wandering eye, which makes the rekindled romance with the neighbor so appealing. She’s miserable caged in her stifling house because she’s been abandoned by her spouse, so the reappearance of this past love reignites the passion that’s dead at home.

TTPD

“So tell me, who else is gonna know me?” “I chose this cyclone with you.” I’m gonna kill myself if you ever leave. Everyone knows we’re crazy. She’s laying it out there that she’s already in a dangerous state of mind, and she’s actively putting herself in more danger by pursuing the conman. “At dinner you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on, and that’s the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding,” spells this whole thing out so clearly: whether it’s an actual event (likely) or a metaphor for the promise he makes to her, the reason why it makes her heart explode is because it’s the thing she’s been waiting for forever with no movement, and here this person comes in and slips it on her finger in an instant like it’s nothing. (And eventually, as we’ll come to know, it is absolutely nothing to him.) You mean it could have been this easy this whole time?! (Well, no. Not until a certain other suitor makes his appearance later.) It feels like she’s finally getting everything she wanted in the blink of an eye! How lucky! How convenient! What was that about the get-love-quick scheme you say? (Unsaid: the reason why this feels so urgent is because there’s a sense that time is running out in so many aspects of her life and not just the obvious. Which reappears later on.)

Down Bad

“Did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” sets the scene for this euphoric experience in the moment that starts to feel violating once the dust settles (which is then followed up in “Smallest Man” and the spy mission on her). The bridge spells out how he weaselled his way into her life, preyed upon (intentionally or not) her emotional state, sold her a dream and then vanished, without the benefit of hindsight yet we see later in the album.

The alien abduction metaphor is pretty brilliant, because it shows both how she was desperate to escape the place she found herself in, and how much it screwed her brain to then be left stranded when the affair was over. “[I loved your] hostile takeovers, encounters closer and closer,” is so evocative because it details how the situation came to be: his overtures under the guise of friendship blurred lines until he made her an offer that she eventually couldn’t refuse (hostile takeovers) as he infiltrated her life more and more intimately. The sad thing is that the song has parallels to how her relationship with the partner started too in earlier albums, in that they ran away to live in their own bubble (or planet) only for him to metaphorically abandon her as the years went on. (Oven, meet microwave.)

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Being continually emotionally broken down by a person who knows he’s hurting you but still acts the way he does. (The original voice memo version makes this even clearer and it’s rather heartbreaking.) “He saw forever so he smashed it up,” speaks to the loss of a future the person became scared of, and the original lyrics (“he saw forever so he blew it up”) somehow cut even deeper to me because it feels so much more intentional.

Also in the original version, “he was my best friend and that was the worst part,” also speaks not only to the loss of an entire partnership in the wake of this hurt, but also to the feelings of betrayal that the person you trust so deeply has the ability to hurt you in this way too, and how it’s a one-two punch of not only losing the relationship but also your closest confidant. (It’s like the sequel to “Renegade” and the missiles firing to me.) Again, there are shades of both/many situations in the song, pointing to an unfortunate pattern in some ways. The situation in “My Boy” is part of why she was so low, and why the “get love quick scheme” was so appealing later on. And it dovetails nicely into…

So Long, London

The most explicitly “partner” song that puts a coda on “You’re Losing Me,” and is Track 5 because it’s the emotional underpinning of how she got to where she was, and drives the events of the rest of the album. It spells everything out: He withdrew, she tried to fix it for both of them, eventually even that stopped working, he was oblivious to or minimized how badly she was suffering and his (in)actions couldn’t reassure her, he wouldn’t move forward on their future plans and stewed in his own struggles, she was spiralling out of control trying to hang on and ultimately felt like she was going to die if she didn’t leave.

But Daddy I Love Him

Like a direct reaction to “So Long, London” in that she breaks free from the death of one relationship and throws herself with reckless abandon to the next, fuck the haters. How dare you judge me, when the relationship you think I should have stayed in was killing me? (Dutiful daughter all the plans were laid. All you want is gray for me.) Fuck all of you, I’m going to choose whoever I want! (So what if I have a baby with HIM, huh?! I tried doing it the proper way and look where that got me so now we're back to square one) It’s again her imagining how wonderful and freeing this “wild boy” is going to be for her, and how wrong she’ll prove everyone. THIS TIME she definitely got it right. So what if she has to run away! So what if she scandalizes the whole town! They don’t know what she really wants or needs anyway! She’s the only one of her (hee-hee-hee) and she’s the only who gets to decides how this goes. (Because: she longs for control in a situation she’ll eventually realize she has little of it in, which we’ll find out is a recurring theme in her life.)

Fresh Out The Slammer

Also spells out what happened with the partner in the first verse and the pre-choruses, which is what makes the conman so appealing as the imagined jailbreak. The bitter loneliness vs. the sultry passion she builds up in her head as she awaits her release from prison is key to understanding the two sides of the story in the album. There’s this whole outlaw imagery (which is also carried through in “I Can Fix Him”), but it’s contrasted in the end with her and her reunited lover sitting on park swings like children with “imaginary rings” — because “Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake.” What’s at stake is lasting love and the promises that come with it (marriage/family) that are precious and time-sensitive. The imaginary rings are both a nod to the youthful dreams of her and her new/old lover, but also has a double meaning to me because those promises aren’t built on anything together; they're made up, intangible. (They’re no more concrete than the plans that went up in smoke with the partner.) Like with most of the conman situation, it’s all a fantasy in her head that has yet to happen, and as we find out later in the album, reality ends up leaving much to be desired.

Florida!!!

Broadly speaking, it’s running away from your problems and wanting to disappear from your life. (But again: the life she’s disappearing from is the cheating husband she may or may not be feeding to the swamp-- another miserable marriage.) What kind of flies under the radar though is the “I don’t want to exist,” line, which points to her dire state of mind that led her to fleeing to that metaphorical timeshare down in Destin. In many ways about cheating death.

Guilty As Sin

Yes it’s the “masturbation song,” but again the nuance is that she’s left to pleasure herself because her partner has abandoned her emotionally and even physically, i.e. “my boredom’s bone deep.” To be blunt: they aren’t even intimate anymore, so she starts fantasizing about the guy she used to have chemistry with who’s reentered her life and is making moves on her. And realizing that she’s now finding release in another man (albeit imaginary) breaks her even as it reinvigorates her because she finally understands that the relationship she’s in is effectively dead. (“Am I allowed to cry?”)

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

This isn’t about relationships, but about society and its reaction to them in a general sense. But again, she’s left to stew in all this anger and hurt as she’s been abandoned at home, then abandoned by public opinion, and the public attack on her is part of the origin as well as the end of that story. The trauma inflicted upon her detailed in the song is the reason why she felt trapped in the first place, which led to the decisions she’s made and habits she’s leaned on ever since.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

This is one of the few songs that is the most completely conman-coded, and shows when the delusion finally breaks at the end of the song. She spends the whole song being like, “no really, I alone can make him better! You’ll see! I know he’s gross, but he’s mine! It’ll be fine I swear! You don’t know anything! Uuuuuum hmm wait actually what the fuck—“

Loml

Oof. THE song. Again the surface reading is about the “conman” who comes in and sells her the lie, but the pain is because all the dreams she writes about are HER dreams and implied that they were the dreams she built with her partner that the conman sold back to her. I could do a deeper dive on this but most of the song is applicable to both relationships, which not only shows the “swirliness” of her writing, but also how they both ultimately did the same thing to her in different shades.

The bridge and the last chorus are kind of fundamental to understanding it all, and her ending it with “you’re the loss of my life” is about, among other things, how falling for this trap blew up the life she built and dreamed of for good. (I could talk about this one forever.) “You shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles” to “Our field of dreams engulfed in fire” is a hell of a line and progression, and again, indicative of what the real driving force behind the whole album is. The shit-talking is because he took her dreams (of marriage and children) and hyped it back up to her tenfold whether in a moment of his own delusion or for more nefarious reasons — much like how the man prior kept promising these things but never followed through, which left her vulnerable to someone who appeared to offer them enthusiastically. The field of dreams isn’t just the one with the conman, it’s the one with the longterm relationship she’d built the dream with in the first place, because the conman’s actions are part of the reason the LTR went up in smoke. (Not the reason for the rift, but the consequence of the final break.) And THAT is why it’s the loss of her life, so completely.

When she says “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all,” IMO it’s not just the fake future that the conman lures her into, but also (and perhaps mainly) the once-real one she had with her partner and the loss of which that made her susceptible to falling for the con in the first place. There’s honestly so much between the lines in this song that covers every theme and speaks to the grief of seeing the life she imagined slip away, slowly by the first man then annihilated by the second.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

The juxtaposition of “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short” and “He said he’d love me for all time, but that time was quite short” sums it up to me (and parallels “loml”), because they are two different situations, but they cut her just the same. In the first, “that life” IMO was the life they’d built with the dreams that went along with it and it was too short because he never followed through, and in the second, the “time” was quite short because it was the frenzy of the whirlwind romance that fizzled as quickly as it began. The life that was too short led to the time that was quite short.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

This is definitely THE conman song. The rage, the shame, the violation, it’s all in there. But the key to it is the bridge and the espionage imagery woven through it. A honeypot scheme is when spies target a mark and seduce them to gain their trust and their privileged information for their homeland. So her likening him to a sleeper cell spy who set her up just to mine her deepest secrets and use them against her is a heavy, loaded statement. And implied: that valuable information she unknowingly held were her longings of marriage and family (the aforementioned shit-talking about rings and cradles she never got to have), and more importantly, those dreams preceded him reentering her life and then beginning his mission on her.

The insinuation then is: she confesses these are her deepest wishes which are now seemingly unattainable in her current situation (e.g. with her partner) -> he convinces her HE will give them to her and make the dreams she pines for come true -> she falls for him and blows up her life to make it happen -> he gets what he wants (thrill of the chase/sex/the idea of her/whatever his intent was) -> he abandons her when he gets what he wants, or rather it isn’t what he wants or can handle -> she’s left a) all alone b) with dreams unfulfilled c) with no answers d) feeling used at having her most sacred wishes used against her.

Again, the song is unquestionably about the way the conman absolutely destroyed her, but he was able to do that because there was this thing she wanted more than anything, that was dying in her previous relationship, that he was able to prey upon to seduce her, then discarded her and her dreams as soon as it was inconvenient for him while absolutely hollowing her inside out. (And again: the devastating thing is that this also applies to other relationships she’s written about, in different ways.)

The Alchemy

Not about either the partner or the conman directly, but it (loosely) touches on her finding herself after the whole oven-to-microwave experience and opening herself up to life and love again. #GoodForHer

Clara Bow

This isn’t about the romantic relationships on the surface, but it is about how damaging the entertainment industry and public life are on women, and how women are only valued for their beauty as commodities until they can be discarded and destroyed in the process. Which I think plays into the circumstances that led her to make the decisions that she did years ago, and why she makes the ones she does now. (But also, being valued for physical traits and appeal for the male gaze brings us to…)

The Manuscript

The “original sin” that kicks off all of this. Again, at first light this isn’t about the partner or the conman, but the person it is about is the reason why she has made all the decisions she has ever since in relationships (and that’s Mr. Plaid Shirt Days from “All Too Well”). The realization that her first serious adult relationship is what cemented these patterns, and this view of herself and her worthiness in relationships, is profoundly sad. An older man who valued her for being so mature for her age and implying that the mature activities ahem associated with that were the performance benchmarks in her ability to carry a relationship, only to leave her, was earth shattering. She placed her faith in this person, but then the way he treated her changed her view of love and of herself.

She took his innuendo about “pushing strollers” as a sign of potential commitment, whereas he ultimately meant it as foreplay, and she was too young and naive to know the difference. So not only did she learn from that that this man (and men) didn’t view commitment and family the way she did and that it was something to be toyed with, but she also learned that her value to them among other things was sex. Imagine being an idealistic 20 year old and your boyfriend ten years your senior tells you, “if the sex is anywhere near as good as our dates have been, we’re going to be making babies before you know it,” (e.g. this is relationship is serious) and then he dumps you: does that imply that the sex was not in fact that good? (E.g. that you’re not worthy after all?)

No, obviously from this side of life, it’s because he was a commitment-phobic playboy, even if he did love her, but she couldn’t have known that at 20 and instead internalized that shame. But, it did send her on a path of how she approached sex and love and relationships for over a decade afterwards. And her coming to the realization that that first act of (perhaps unintentional) manipulation is what informed her actions thereafter helped her break the pattern. Her worth to men is not just sex, she has value and her hopes and dreams have value, she doesn’t have to change into a different person to please anyone, because if that is what they want, they won’t ever want her anyway.

It’s been described here on Tumblr by people more eloquent and astute than I as a song that encapsulates the album as this: one did it slow (partner), one did it fast (conman), and one did it first (first love)— and that is haunting. After years of men minimizing her dreams and desires, if not outright using them against her, she’s finally at the point where she can let it all go and move on for good. (There’s a whole other tangent about consent and shame and manipulation, but that’s an entirely different kind of discussion. But it is so devastatingly contrasted with “you said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine, and that made me want to die.”)

THE SUMMATION

This is just my interpretation of it, but in going through the standard album, it feels pretty clear how cohesive the album is about a story of love and loss and grief, then reckoning with what caused it all in the first place that set a person on this path. It’s a formative experience at a young age that was traumatic and led to certain coping mechanisms and a shaping of one’s self-perception, as well as the reaction to external pressures that try to dictate behaviours and influence how one feels one deserves out of love which makes it harder to know when one absolutely deserves more and better. And leaves one struggling to cope with loss when there isn’t anything else to hold onto. Then in light of one’s life blowing up, learning to find oneself in the aftermath all over again.

On another tangent that is somewhat related to the theme of loss, the way she writes about the two main muses on the standard album also ties into how the situations converged to create absolute carnage on her emotional and mental well-being. With one situation, she’s talking about a concrete life that crumbles under the weight of their struggles; with the other, the entire thing is a fantasy that she builds up in her head, and when it comes to fruition it falls far, far short.

If you look at the “microwave” (conman) relationship, you realize that almost everything she writes about it happens before it actually becomes reality, and it’s mostly her imagining how great it’ll be, but with few exceptions, when she writes about what actually occurred, it doesn’t even come close to living up to her expectations. “Fortnight” is an imagined future where she escapes to Florida and his touch finally starts her stalled engine (ahem). “TTPD” is perhaps the most positive retelling of their time together, but even that implies he was better off stoned and when he sobered up he succumbed to his demons all over again, and more importantly she conveys how she also is in extreme distress, barely concealed by the veneer of being infatuated with him. (E.g. saying to that she’ll kill herself if he ever leaves her — the implication is that she is absolutely serious about it when she “felt seen.”) And that the warning bells are going off in her head, but she feels like this person is the only one she can be with (because they’re equally fucked up and the chaos he brings into her life makes her feel alive when she felt so close to death).

“Down Bad” is the most explicit about being in love, but she’s also left completely confused and disoriented by him disappearing, wondering if any of it was real and the seeds of violation creep into her consciousness (“did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” “Waking up in blood.”). “But Daddy” is her imagining she can tell everyone to fuck off for telling her what to do with her life. “Fresh Out The Slammer” is her fantasizing about this man while feeling trapped in her relationship — but never in the song is she actually reunited with him; she’s using him as the projection of all the things she’ll make right after being wronged by her partner. “Guilty As Sin?” Is very obviously about her fantasizing about sleeping with him, but again it’s such a minefield for her because it hasn’t happened yet; they’ve only just reconnected. “I Can Fix Him” is the only song other than “TTPD” that shows them actually together, and it’s the one where she keeps saying, essentially, “I know he’s gross but I can rehabilitate him into an upstanding person, trust me,” until the mic drop at the end of the song where it finally hits her that no, she can’t, because this is who he is, not the person she’s built him up to be.

“Loml” is when it all comes crashing down, and the song emphasizes everything he did and told her, e.g. that she’s the love of his life, but she doesn’t return the sentiment in the song about their time together. Because now that it’s past tense, she knows it wasn’t actually love. (And says as much in the album epilogue poem.) “Broken Heart” is her reeling in the aftermath, but again, it’s “he said,” not “I loved.” And then there’s “The Smallest Man,” where she eviscerates him: he also pursued an idea of her but didn’t care much for the real her in front of him (who else is gonna know me?), he love bombed her only to hurt her (crushing her dreams), he was constantly stoned (and not just in the funny munchies kind of way), and he wasn’t even a good lover (despite the fantasy she’d created before). That last point is especially striking because she spent albums singing about the importance of and pleasure in (sexual) intimacy in the relationship with her partner (sometimes to both their own detriment) and how it was at times the only way they could connect, but in this case, the idea she hyped up and acted on in her head about this lover never panned out in practice. She spells it out in the epilogue: it wasn’t a love affair, it was a mutual manic phase.

In contrast, there’s a lot more tangible action in the “oven” (partner) parts of the album, showing how hard she tried to make the relationship work in real life instead of just in her head. All of “So Long, London” is her detailing how she tried to break through to him and support him, even when he rejected it and pushed her away, thinking she could carry them both until they ultimately sank, but she did it because she “loved this place for so long.” (The place? Not just the city, but the home and perhaps most importantly, him.) In “Slammer” she stayed with him even as things disintegrated for “one hour of sunshine.” (E.g. holding onto the rarer good times even as they were fewer and further between, hoping things would eventually turn around.) And like in “London,” she held on despite people in her life pleading with her that it was hurting her. (Which is also echoed in “Slammer.”) In “Guilty” her boredom is “bone deep” because the passion that once drove their relationship (and papered over their problems) has finally gone out too, so there’s nothing left to hold onto, leading to her fantasizing about the new suitor, which makes her realize her relationship has passed the point of no return. “Loml” is about the conman on the surface, but the undercurrent of all the things she says about him is that he was co-opting the dreams that she was clinging onto for dear life in the previous relationship, which is why the con is so painful; the field of dreams he sets ablaze isn’t just the fake painting he sold to her, but the original artifact (her life with her partner) too.

All the physical and emotional labour she puts into the relationship with her partner ends up reflected in the fantasizing she does in the one with the conman, which is why it is so confusing in the moment and so lethal when he leaves her without any answers. She wants to get married and start a family with her partner which keeps getting stalled; the conman mock-proposes which makes her think he’s immediately serious (“TTPD,” “loml”). She feels caged by having to hide with her partner and shrink herself; the conman promises he’ll stand by her side publicly and let her shine (“Smallest Man”). She sinks into a deep depression in her loneliness as the relationship with her partner careens off a cliff; the conman convinces her they’re meant for each other in a them-against-the-world way (“Down Bad”). The intimacy (in all senses of the word) in her relationship with her partner fizzles; the conman stokes the fire by sending her secret messages and reigniting passion (“Guilty”). She spent years trying to help her partner to no avail; the conman makes her think she has the power to reform him (“loml”). She feels misunderstood by her partner; the conman acts like he’s the (only) one who truly gets her (“TTPD,” “loml”).

In short: there’s nothing that the conman does or says that isn’t a direct response to what her partner did first, and it’s even worse because the conman knew how much her partner’s actions hurt her and he used that privileged information to paint a picture of what he could give her, but in doing so in some ways aimed at her heart with even deadlier accuracy. (I’ve likened it to him borrowing someone else’s life for his own joyride, until he crashes the rental car and flees the scene.) It’s why in the aftermath, the difference in emotions are so different: she feels nothing but rage and violation towards the conman for getting in her head and using her, whereas her feelings towards her partner are more complicated. There’s anger (at her lost youth and being taken for granted), but there’s also sorrow (at their lost life and future), disappointment (that he never could step up the way he’d promised or she’d needed), even compassion (towards his struggles) and a tiny measure of appreciation (for the good times they did share).

When you look at the bigger picture, the story the album paints is just so painfully normal. You have two people (Taylor and her partner) who once loved each other deeply, and despite warning signs early on telling them they have fundamentally different needs and ways of living their lives they fight like hell to make it work (the epilogue) until those warning signs become grenades that destroy their home (“My Boy,” “London,” “Slammer,” arguably “loml”). Having already been through at least one rough patch/break/breakup that she felt almost destroyed her (harkening back to Midnights on “You’re Losing Me,” “The Great War” and “Hits Different”), the final and fatal downward spiral of the relationship (“YLM,” “London”) and the grief over losing that future sends her into a tailspin, just at the time where a flame from the past (the conman) reenters her life and tells her all the things she’s been longing to hear and feel (“TTPD,” “Down Bad,” “Guilty,” “loml”) and, crucially, missing from the relationship that was once her entire life.

So in her panic, she falls prey to the (empty) promises of the past lover (“loml,” “Smallest Man”) and decides he’s actually what will save her from the free fall, because the alternative (that she will end up in a situation she doesn’t think she can survive) is too painful to bear. When she finally acts on these circumstances (leaves her partner/runs to the conman), she snaps, acting on pure emotion and adrenaline (“But Daddy”), but before she knows it, the new lover abandons her, and she’s left to reckon with the fallout of the episode and process everything that has happened (“Down Bad,” “loml”) — with the conman, with her partner, with the choices made in her adult life personally and professionally which leads her back to the moment she feels set her down that road at the start.

The TL;DR of this unintentionally long essay is that the reason the conman affair was so serious was precisely because it was meant to fulfill the promise of what was her life with her partner. To me, a large part of the story is that she projected that life onto the conman (or he projected her life back to her for his own purposes) because she wasn’t ready to deal with that massive grief and the life raft he offered felt like the only alternative to an even darker end. Whether the conman actually believed what he told her, or he went along with it or encouraged it because it served his purpose, we’ll never know, just like we’ll never know the finer details of what went on (nor should we). But no matter what, the album is just an extreme deep dive into all the ways grief can consume us, and whether it’s a long, drawn-out death or a sudden, inexplicable one, it can turn a person’s life into such a trainwreck that they act in ways unfathomable to even them, let alone the people around them. It can also unleash repressed trauma and mental illness that can crater your sense of self. And when those situations are compounded? It makes for a nearly impossible type of breakdown to unpack. (Which is why you might need a 31 song album to process it.)

#What if i told you I’m back lol #Time for me to finally just post the thing after it’s been sitting in my drafts for so long so I can rid myself of it lol #Writing letters addressed to the fire #the tortured poets department #Consider this a treat before Eras comes back for its swan song leg idk #Would you believe that as long as this is #i deleted quite a few chunks of it from the original draft i sent to a friend(s) in the interest of ~propriety~#Because they were a little too rambly and um— ~speculative~/personal/etc and we are flying too close to the sun #And i tried to be as tactful and more or less stick to things we can point to in the music and such #So hope people catch my drift lmao but also iykyk i guess #I have so many other themes I want to talk about but I never have any time #I have so much more i want to say and yet #wavesoutbeingtossed: The Anthology #Also if things get weird i will turn off reblogs/delete the post tbd #This is not an invitation to get into muse ranting or debate in my inbox and I ask that you please respect my boundaries :)#Midnights #lover #folklore #evermore

137 notes · View notes

aceofstars16 · 9 months ago

Text

Well, I made a poll asking if I should post this now...and then I just go and post it without waiting to see what people voted haha xD

This was inspired by @athenoot (not letting me actually tag but I linked her blog!) and her super fun AU idea mashing up Drifting Stars and Relativity Falls!

I don't know if this works for @forduary but it does have portal Ford so *shrugs*

Summary: Mabel loves dimension hopping, but she is starting to miss having a home. And more than anything, she misses Dipper and Stan. However, she may end up seeing them sooner than expected…though they aren't exactly the same Dipper and Stan that she knows.

The street was packed, creatures of all sorts bustling to and fro. Even after months of being in other dimensions, Mabel was still overwhelmed by all of the different aliens. Her eyes couldn’t stop moving, even as Ford pulled her along, trying to make his way through the crowd.

They had arrived in this dimension a few days ago. Unfortunately, they had first been spat out in a rainforest with absolutely no civilization around. But after climbing a particularly tall tree, they had seen a town of sorts in the distance. Which is where they were now, hoping to find some food and maybe even shelter, that is, if Ford deemed this dimension safe enough to stay in for a little while.

At first, the constant travel had been fun for Mabel. Getting to explore a new world every few days was exhilarating. But she was surprised to find that more recently, she missed a place she could call home. Though, more than anything, she missed Dipper and Stan. Of course, she loved Ford too. He had been looking out for her ever since she had been pulled into the portal, and she couldn’t imagine her life without him now. But still…she wished she could be with Ford and the rest of her family.

Something bumped Mabel particularly hard and she was shaken from her thoughts as she lost her footing. Her hand was yanked out of Ford’s and she fell to the ground.

Panic gripped her and she quickly stood up and tried catching sight of Ford, but the constant movement of aliens made standing still impossible. She thought she heard someone calling her name, but it was hard to hear over the crowd.

“Grunkle Ford!” Yelling at the top of her lungs, Mabel, tried pushing her way through the crowd, in what she thought was the direction Ford had been walking. But no matter how hard she tried, she was too small, and she couldn’t make any headway against the crowd.

Spotting an alleyway through the sea of legs, Mabel spun, jumped, rolled, and crawled until she made it to the backstreet. It wasn’t empty, but it was slightly less crowded. Spotting a box that was sealed shut, she made her way to it and managed to climb on top. But as she looked out over the sea of creatures, she couldn’t spot her grunkle. Ford was nowhere to be seen. Panic overwhelmed her as she realized that she was alone, lost in an unfamiliar dimension with absolutely no clue as to what to do next. It was her worst nightmare.

------

Ford was frantic. He couldn’t believe he’d lost Mabel. He should’ve been holding onto her tighter. No, he should’ve just carried her. What had he been thinking? In a crowd this big, that was the most logical option, and yet he hadn’t thought of it before entering the market and now she was gone.

“Mabel!” He called out again. He thought he had heard her call out a moment ago, but this time there was no response.

Darned this busy city. Reasonably, a city this remote in a rainforest shouldn’t be this crowded. Though perhaps it being the only city for miles was the reason for all of the foot traffic. Either way, he really should’ve scoped out the layout first before walking in. That’s what he normally would’ve done. But Mabel hadn’t had food in over a day. So, her hunger along with the possibility of letting her sleep in a semi normal structure for the first time in…weeks? Had caused him to act rashly. He had only wanted to make sure she had what she needed, and maybe help her mental state. Over the past few weeks, Ford had occasionally caught her looking downcast – though she quickly smiled when she noticed him looking – and this had seemed like a good opportunity to help her feel better.

“So much for that…” Ford muttered under his breath as he continued searching for Mabel. He had just spotted a possible vantage point he could use when something grabbed his jacket and pulled it back.

“Geez, slow down Grunkle D-”

As Ford looked down at the source of the voice, it cut off. His own legs stalled as he saw the boy who was holding his jacket. It couldn’t be…

For a second, Ford was transported to another lifetime. So long ago it felt like a dream. Hot summers on Glass Shard Beach, playing in the water, exploring the sand dunes, fixing up the Stan O War.

He was looking at his brother from thirty years ago.

------

Crap, wrong old guy. Stan thought to himself as he stared up at the man who’s coat he’d grabbed. Now that he had a closer look, he could tell that said coat wasn’t quite the same as Dipper’s, and of course, the man wasn’t his grunkle (okay, technically Dipper wasn’t actually his great uncle either, but it made it easier to call him that, okay?). However, there was something oddly familiar about this guy…

Some other creature bumped into him, threatening to pull him along in the crowd once again, like it had earlier. But then a hand grabbed his arm, and the old guy was dragging him through the crowd.

“Hey, what gives? I’m not-” Stan grabbed at the guy’s hand, trying to get him to let go, only to stop when he really looked at the hand. Wait, six fingers…it couldn’t be…could it?

Looking up, Stan tried to get a better look at the guy’s face. Something had seemed familiar about it when he’d first seen him, but now he was facing away as he pulled Stan along. But six fingers… Suddenly, the bright sunlight disappeared as he was pulled into a small alleyway. There were still a few beings milling about, but not has many as in the main square. Then the man spun around to look at him.

“What are you doing here?”

Stan took a step back at the sharpness of the man’s voice. A tinge of fear grew in his chest. It wasn’t Dad, he knew that, but there was something so familiar about the words, the man’s stance, the look on his face - he couldn’t shake it. However, the ashamed expression when the old guy saw Stan shrink back wasn’t something Dad would’ve done.

“I-I don’t know. I was just here with my, well I call him my grunkle because-”

“Wait, wait, what? Your grunkle? Who?” Confusion crossed the guy’s face. “What’s his name?”

The man held up his hands and Stan found himself looking at them. He knew in this dimension, six fingers might not be an abnormal thing. But this guy was human, and he looked kind of like Dad…

“Are you my brother?” Stan blurted out before he could stop himself. It was hard to think about Ford looking old - that was just weird - but if he was old, well…Stan could see him looking kind of like this guy…

For a moment, the old man just stared at him, then signed and shook his head. “No, I’m not…well…kind of. I’m Stanford, but not your Stanford.”

“You mean there’s more than one of you? Are there more than one of me? Woah, we could build an army! Though I don’t know how much use an old guy would be but I’m sure you could do something. Oh, eww, am I old somewhere then? How-”

“Hold up. Just…one question at a time.” Old Ford had held out his hand again, as if wanting Stan to stop. He looked a little frustrated, but at the same time, there was the smallest bit of an amused smile on his face.

“There are…many different dimensions, and versions of you and me. I…haven’t met your older version,” a small shadow crossed his face, “but I’ve heard about him. However. That’s not important. What I need to know, is how you got here, and who are you looking for?”

Stan let out a huff. He thought Ford would be as excited as him about all of this but…then again, this was an old Ford and well…maybe he’d been in other dimensions a while and didn’t think it was cool anymore? Sometimes Dipper had seemed less thrilled about things than Stan thought were awesome. Or maybe it was just an old person thing? Gosh, Stan hoped he wasn’t a boring old guy in any dimension.

After a moment, he realized Ford was still looking at him questioningly and Stan realized that he’d have to tell this old version of his brother what had happened. He didn’t really want to, but he had a feeling Ford wouldn’t answer any of his questions unless Stan answered him first.

“Well…I kind of accidently got sucked into this big glowing circle thing that my Grantie Mabel really didn’t want me to shut off, then I met my Grunkle Dipper and we kind of…ran around jumping in all these portal things till we got here. And I swear I’d only been glancing at this cool gun shop, but somehow let go of his hand and then…I thought he was you.” Stan was a little surprised at how quickly the words came. Ever since he’d arrived in other dimensions, Dipper had told him to be careful about saying too much to the wrong people but…this was Ford. Sure, he was old but…it was still Ford. He could still tell him anything.

For a moment, Ford just stared at him, shock lining his face. Then he shook his head and took a breath. “Right…okay…We need to find your Dipper, and I need to…”

“What, you lose someone too?” Stan meant it as a joke, but his smile fell when he saw the concern on Ford’s face.

“Come on, it looks like the crowds are dying down some.” Ford held out his hand and without hesitation, Stan took it.

“I can help you find whoever you lost first. I’m sure Dipper is fine.”

Ford looked down at him, a disbelieving frown on his face. “I…we’ll see who we find first…”

Putting on his best show of confidence – which was easy seeing as he was used to doing it for Ford – Stan nodded. “I bet we’ll find them both in the next ten minutes!”

------

How could I lose him?!? The thought kept running through Dipper’s head. After months with Stan, he had grown accustom to the boy’s affinity for trouble, which included checking things out that he probably shouldn’t have. So he should’ve been extra diligent in a place as crowded as this, but while keeping an eye out for danger, he must have let go of Stan’s hand and now the boy was lost to a sea of creatures. Guilt and fear clawed at Dipper’s chest. After decades of being alone, he had come to enjoy Stan’s company, plus, he was family.

Taking a deep breath, Dipper tried to still his anxiety, though it was easier said then done. It had already been far too long since Stan had disappeared, and Dipper still couldn’t think of a way to find him aside from waiting for the crowds to die down. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the only option he could see. He really needed to find a better way to keep track of his, for a better word, nephew (he was never the best at remembering all of the names for distant relatives and Stan called him Great Uncle so it worked).

As he pushed his way to a slightly less busy part of the market, Dipper searched for a good vantage point he could wait at, while still keeping an eye out for Stan. That’s when he heard it.

Crying.

His feet stumbled to a stop and he quickly looked around, searching for its source. A bright splash of pink caught his eye – a bit out of place in the browns and tans of the city. Carefully making his way toward the figure, he tried pushing aside the feeling in his gut that something was familiar about the girl. Because, as he got closer, he could tell it was a girl, with short curly hair, and a bright pink sweater…

It’s not Mabel. He told himself, as he realized that’s who he was thinking of. Mabel was dimensions away and, well, she was as old as him now.

Crouching down, Dipper put on his best smile, despite his worry for Stan. “Hey, you okay there?”

The girl quickly looked up, her tear-filled eyes widening as she saw him.

Dipper found himself freezing as well. Because it was Mabel. Or, how she had looked as a kid. Sure, her hair was shorter and she looked more tired than she normally would’ve but…it was her.

He eyes flicked up to his hair then back down to his face. “D-Dipper?”

“I…yes, or no, it’s well…” Dipper frowned, he knew that the girl he was looking at wasn’t his sister. He’d been in enough dimensions to know that there were multiple versions of himself and his sister out there. And unless time travel was involved – which didn’t seem likely – this was simply another Mabel from another world. However…it still looked like her and…it still was a Mabel. He couldn’t push away the weight of responsibility to take care of her and make sure she got back where she needed to be.

“You’re from another dimension I guess…” Mabel’s quiet voice shook Dipper from his thoughts.

“Yeah…I…you know about those, huh?” Dipper remembered a day when he had been so excited about there being other dimensions, and other versions of himself. In a way it was still a nice thought, that maybe one version of himself hadn’t messed up…hadn’t ended up here. But it still didn’t change his situation, and after about a hundred different dimensions, survival was more important than excitement over new worlds.

“Yeah, Grunkle Ford told me about it once. He said he’d found a dimension where everyone was a baby once, he didn’t sound like he liked it but I think it would be fun…” Mabel gave Dipper a smile, though it wasn’t as bright as her normal smile. Or at least, like the one he remembered as a kid.

Then Mabel’s words registered and Dipper narrowed his eyes. “Wait, Ford? That…that’s Stan’s brother…” he muttered to himself.

Mabel perked up at that. “Stan? He’s here too?!?”

Dipper’s face fell as he remembered his predicament. “He…was…I…I lost track of him.”

“Oh…maybe I can help you find him! He can’t be too hard to find!”

A small smile grew on Dipper’s face at her optimism. Typical Mabel. “Well, he’s pretty small, about your size, but maybe with two-”

“WAIT STAN IS LITTLE?!?”

Dipper winced at the volume of her voice, but thankfully the creatures around didn’t pay much attention. “Yes, he’s about…” Dipper realized he didn’t actually know how old Stan was. “Maybe ten, or twelve? I’m not sure…”

“Oh my gosh, we have to find him! I gotta meet little Stan!” The brightness on Mabel’s face was a welcome change from the heaviness he had seen on it only a few moments ago. All traced of tears were gone.

A small laugh escaped Dipper and he nodded. “Well, alright then, let’s see if we can find him.” Holding out his hand, Dipper felt a small stab of sadness as Mabel immediately grabbed it. Just like when they were little…Shaking his head, he forced himself to focus. This wasn’t his dimension’s Mabel…but it was nice to see her again, even if it was only for a little while.

#gravity falls #gravity fall au #forduary #forduary 2024 #drifting stars au #relativity falls #relativity stars au #ford pines #mabel pines #dipper pines #stan pines #stanford pines #stanley pines #gravity falls fanfiction #aceo writes things

246 notes · View notes

b4kuch1n · 11 months ago

Text

glorioso from last years twitterin

#pokemon #swsh #champion gloria #professor hop #drift compatible #<- their common tag wahoo #sometimes (all the time) I think abt how much I love gloria and wanna finally write that 4-part thing for her #hop shoooouuuldve been a moderating presence or whatever but the thing is. he just thinks she's genuinely cool #so every time anyone questions anything she does to him he's like why? it rocks #gloria's the same with hop tho like if hop tells her anything she just takes it as fact. its dangerous but so far its worked out #so ultimately they actually make each other Worse(tm) and thats awesome to me. I love them #I love them so fucking much everyones like dang that champion's taciturn how come she's best friend and rival with that #super nice professor. even tho it takes being next to them literally three seconds to realize they just think the other is the coolest #man. these were drawn like right before I caught the A virus last year iirc. inked that first thing while having a fever #how was november and december last year Like That... what made it be like that. what da hells....#oh well theres this. I gotta go back to business now #have a good night lads. we begin at the beginning and where we begin is the beginning etc

327 notes · View notes

sesamestreep · 2 months ago

Text

sexy himbo jock interpretations of James Tiberius Kirk are silly and do a disservice to the character for a lot of reasons, not least of which is that it fundamentally ignores all the times in canon when Kirk is faced with a scientific discovery or oddity and you can see the effort it takes for him not to clap and skip with excitement. like in ‘the devil in the dark’ when Spock posits that they might be dealing with a silicon based life form and McCoy’s like “but that’s impossible!” and Kirk literally crosses the room to flirt talk excitedly with Spock about the prospect and how it could work! and what it would mean!

What I’m saying is, Kirk’s gotta be smart and a huge dork because how else could he pull a bad autistic bitch like Spock?

66 notes · View notes

anjasitdown · 4 months ago

Text

I knew something was UP when the only film that helped Yuuji control his flow of cursed energy was the Lord of the Rings. Our boy Yuuji is TRULY a hobbit at heart. Chapter 265 spoilers ahead, but I'll put it under the cut.

It was back in season 1 when Gojo had Yuuji watch a variety of movies to teach him control of cursed energy regardless of the emotions evoked by the films. Gojo refuted Yuuji's idea that anger and other strong negative emotions are the only source of a strong cursed energy.

With that in mind, I don't think it's random that LotR is the one shown to us that helped Yuuji gain mastery over his cursed energy flow. Sure, Yuuji might've controlled it before watching other movies, but it feels as if it's on purpose that it's LotR, especially that scene at the river where Frodo tried to take the burden of destroying the ring on his own, fully aware of the dangerous journey ahead. But Sam didn't let him and willingly followed him, even if it would cost him his life.

Maybe, just maybe, Yuuji learned to control his cursed energy because he saw himself in Frodo. Yuuji looked so engrossed in the film as if he was feeling it—as if he was Frodo who, just like him, bears great evil within him. Not only that, but Yuuji saw in Frodo's eyes the same crushing weight of responsibility and isolation such an evilness entails. It was as if he's looking in the mirror. But Frodo wasn't alone. He had Sam and the others in the Fellowship who are also willing to lighten the burden he carries. And I think that's what got to Yuuji.

And I don't know if it's just me reading too much into things but Yuuji is at his best when he feels anchored by his friends' support or when they're relying on him, like that time when Yuuji held down the cursed spirit at the detention center to buy Megumi time to save Nobara and escape; when Yuuji and Todo almost defeated Hanami, and my favorite, when Nobara nailed down Mahito's double during Shibuya arc:

As corny as this sounds, Yuuji managed to pull himself from Nanamin's death and attack Mahito because he felt Nobara's presence, which encouraged him to continue fighting. Even if the sorcerers were scattered that time and most were left to fend for themselves, Yuuji didn't feel alone. This was the one thing Geto needed the most when he was spiraling down.

Yuuji reminds me so much of Frodo: Yuuji the vessel of the evilest sorcerer in history and Frodo the Ring bearer. But before that, they were nobodies living a simple life, which they treasure and work hard to keep. They're not ambitious and are satisfied being surrounded by their loved ones. They're the ones we least expect to defeat the evilest entities since they're surrounded by the strongest warriors/sorcerers, who could not defeat the said evilest entities. Yuuji, like Frodo, does not belong to the kind of world he got thrown into, and this is made pretty obvious in the recent chapter.

Throughout the many months Yuji had been with various sorcerers and curse users, his principles and worldview got blurry. He started to assimilate their ideas, which didn't feel like him to be honest. From ideas of having a specific role in life and fulfilling it, wanting to give people a good death, and having a cog mentality to being the same as Mahito and becoming a monster to defeat another monster. That's not him. That's never him. And Yuuji realized that too, and I love seeing him change his perspective into that which feels more like him.

Yuuji never liked fighting others. He may have been blessed with physical prowess that might've been on par with Nanamin, but he never wanted to use it. Heck, Yuuji joined an occult club instead of becoming an athlete. What's important to him are the memories you make with yourself and with your loved ones—choosing to do things, even mundane ones, that bring you and others joy because that's what life is all about.

To Yuuji, there's nothing wrong if you lead a simple life doing things as mundane as walking your dog, sleeping, taking a shit, writing this meta, and existing. Living day to day is already hard as it is. Yuuji wants Sukuna (and us) to know that your worth to live and be loved and respected doesn't depend on the grand dreams you have, how far you've come in life, how powerful and strong you've become, how useful you are. Your worth to live is inherent to you, and no one's going to change that, not Sukuna or anybody else. And Yuuji's not gonna stand idly by and watch the likes of him trample on people's lives. They don't get to choose who's worthy to live and kill those who don't.

I read somewhere that Gege thinks Yuuji having no ambition, unlike Naruto wanting to be a Hokage or Luffy aiming to become a Pirate King, is the story's weak point. But I disagree. That's what makes Yuuji so unique and refreshing to watch as he develops. He may not be as ambitious as other shonen heroes, but he does have a strong moral compass, even as young as 15. It may not be obvious, but Yuuji is introspective, observant, and most of all he has this childlike love for life that the other characters have lost due to the nature of their jobs.

Back to the LotR reference—as much as similar Yuuji is to Frodo—when Sukuna switched to Megumi, Yuuji started to feel more like Sam and Megumi Frodo. No matter what happens, even if it would cost him his life, Yuuji's never gonna leave Megumi alone in despair. Megumi has become weak in mind and spirit that he's possibly on the verge of giving everything up. Still, Yuuji's not going to give up on him. He will destroy Sukuna and carry Megumi back home.

In the end, if Yuuji survives, all I could ever think of is his eyes full of insurmountable despair and mourning over the lives of the people he loved and lost. There's no going back after this. I can only hope that after the end of this story, Yuuji could still find a way to rest—be with a person or in a place—if there is anyone or anything left at all.

#but it's sure as heck never gonna be with mei mei get away from my son #idk if this makes sense or if this has been said before #but i've been thinking about this ever since i saw yuuji watching lotr #like it HAS to be a clue bc why show it? why make us see yuuji watching lotr out of all the movies gojo picked?#i've been wanting to write this since then but i thought maybe i'm just overthinking? but then jjk 265 drops and i'm like that TRACKS #now that i think about it the support yuuji receives is the one thing that suguru lacked the most which further pushed him to spiral down #but it wasn't satoru's intention to leave him behind i guess they just drifted apart bc of Life #at the end of all this i feel like yuuji's gonna do what satoru failed to do with suguru. yuuji's going to bring megumi back.#jujutsu kaisen #jjk 265 #jjk spoiler #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #nobara kugisaki #gojo satoru #geto suguru #nanami kento #sukuna #jjk analysis #jjk meta #anja yaps

80 notes · View notes

shushmal · 5 months ago

Text

okay pacrim au (it's gonna be steddie bear with me here)

nancy is the best jaeger pilot the world's ever seen, her and barb are an unstoppable force. but then barb dies, gets completely ripped from their mech. so they pair nancy with steve, a pilot known for being generally drift compatible with everyone to a degree. it's not perfect, but nancy who is full of fury needs someone that can roll with her punches, keep her going. and they do well. they aren't the best, but he's the only one that can handle nancy's force. steve's good at taking hits. they mange it for about two years. and steve had been doing such a good job hiding it, absorbing all of nancy's internal grief and fury so she could keep doing her job.

but he breaks. the two of them are force-retired, and nancy lashes out so intensely, steve goes into a depression, completely severs ties with the jager program and disappears.

then there's eddie, a street rat by birth, but a guy so inherently good with the jaeger technology, he's managed to build his own on scavenged scraps—part of it from the jaeger barbara holland died in. he's used his lil jaeger to defend his little forgotten part of the world best he could, mostly luring kaiju away towards the actual military and stealthily escaping before any government detects him. but it's hard to do alone.

and then he meets steve.

#stranger things #steddie #i could go on with this:#the nerd brigade with will accidentally drifting with kaiju parts and being scarily in-tune #max an up and coming pilot with her brother but their drift becomes weaker and weaker the more they try #until she's looking for a new partner and nerd brigade member no 3 decides to try out for it #robin was steve's personal handler until he ghosted the program and she HATES nancy wheeler #but nancy becomes the new commander of the program (stacker) and she's very shrewd #robin can hate her all she wants but robin's the best as jaeger tech so she's promoted to nancy's second-in-command ENEMIES TO LOVERS #MURRAY AS HANNIBAL CHAU #will i write this one day? hopefully!#but if anyone feels inspired GO FOR IT #shush mal #thank you for coming to my ted talk #my steddie ideas

48 notes · View notes

lord-squiggletits · 2 months ago

Text

Simon Furman: "Sorry women in Transformers can't exist uwu"

Literally the cover of Drift #2:

The women were there from the start you dumb cunt it was never just Arcee aklsdjfksdjflk

#squiggle livereading #yup i'm rereading the drift miniseries for a side thing i'm writing #also don't forget the female TFs who show up as extras in spotlight megatron #simon furman's 'female cybertronians went extinct and don't exist now' bullshit was never consistent aslkfsjl

25 notes · View notes

unnonexistence · 2 months ago

Text

one of my friends is a biologist & i was really amused hearing some of her stories yesterday because they put into context just how believable newt's kaiju drift is as Shit A Biologist Would Do. like my friend has personally met both a guy who got infected with a botfly larva and didn't do anything to remove it (because he just didn't mind), and another guy who identified a tapeworm species by intentionally exposing himself to it (he had it narrowed down to 2 species and needed to know if it was the one that would infect humans) (it was)

#newton geiszler #unscientific aside #drifting with a kaiju is on a whole different level of dangerous. but still.#he's an expert on them. he knew (thought he knew) what he was doing #can also confirm from personal experience that hermann is extremely accurate as a mathematician #like theres a whole range of personalities in mathematics so that part is just 'hes believable as an eccentric academic'#but mathematicians have A Thing about chalkboards #90% of the math profs i had used chalkboards and the 10% who didnt have chalkboards used powerpoint slides #cant remember seeing anyone use dry erase boards except one poor TA who had to fill in one time and was STRUGGLING #well and profs from my non-math classes #also if you ask math people why they like math i think roughly half of them will say something about the beauty of the universe #also his exhausted sigh when pentecost says 'i need more than a prediction' lmao. buddy i have BEEN there #oh and the fact that they have him doing some computer modeling & that he wrote code for the jaegers #extremely overlapping disciplines. i had mandatory computer science courses alongside algebra and stats and all that #& you need to be able to write at least a little code to do the predictive model stuff hes doing #anyway yeah i love them. best eccentric scientists #ask to tag #parasites

37 notes · View notes

manyothermusingsofmine · 22 days ago

Text

Sticky Brambles || Drabble

Fandom: Xmen Warnings: uh, minor warning for intimacy talk I guess but it's nothing graphic Wordcount: 2481

Summary: A tumble into some bushes leads Kurt and Miranda to talk about some things on their mind. AN: I'll be honest idc what kinda plant decided to use Kurt's fur as transportation method just idk. pick one I guess.

----------------------------------------

The fact that the mansion was surrounded by enormous trees with big strong branches made it near irresistible for the more acrobatically inclined among the crew to clamber all over them, swinging from branch to branch and tree to tree- Kurt especially could not resist that call from within; it was much harder to take the circus out of his heart than him out of the circus. The problem was that tree branches are even less predictable than gym equipment, and between him and Gambit the bars of the gym equipment indoors sometimes barely survived their core strengthening routine.

One of the branches that had already suffered during one of Storm's outdoor training sessions could decisively not support the weight of an acrobat, snapping under the strain. Normally that wouldn't be an issue with Kurt's ability of teleporting, but midway in his fall he noticed pretty much the last person at the mansion he wanted to see him fail like that. Because of it his brain crashed, unable to give him an location in time to poof away to and instead the blue mutant rather ungracefully tumbled into the thick shrubbery below.

Miranda had seen the whole thing, instinctively wincing at the sound of his fall straight into the unforgiving bushes. She jumped up on her feet, immediately going over and calling for him because the thick leaves didn't make it easy to see where exactly he had landed. That was until his white gloved hand stuck itself out from the specific patch he had landed in, with her immediately going over.

"I've got you," she assured even though her own voice sounded rather panicked as she pulled him up from the shrubbery, wincing once more. While he seemed mostly fine, Kurt had taken a tumble directly into a bush full of seeds with thick outer shells full of little barbs and hooks to cling to the fur of animals that came looking for a meal. And those seeds didn't care that Kurt didn't exactly count as a similar mode of transport; they stuck to his face and tail regardless.

"... Ow," he just muttered, the red heat of embarrassment painting shades of purple on his cheeks as he winced himself at the pull of the seeds on his fur and skin underneath. Miranda just helped him to a clearing first, carefully sitting him down under a tree.

"You alright? Are you hurt?" she asked, worry clinging to her voice as she carefully looked him over for more serious injuries like broken bones.

"... just a severely bruised ego. Of course you had to see that," he mumbled, his blush intensifying and a slight hiss leaving him as his tail tried to shake some of the seeds of and failed miserably.

"Yeah, sorry about that; I have the weird ability to always notice stuff like that," Miranda said, looking at his face and tail, "uhm, silver lining being that at least you wore your suit and these buggers dont seem to like the fabric of that- not like your fuzz anyway. I... Here, I'll try to get them off. I can't promise it won't hurt, but I'll try to be gentle, okay?"

Kurt just nodded, trying to brace himself as her nimble fingers went to work to pluck the seeds off his face first. It did very much feel like velcro being pulled away from him, and he definitely couldn't help the hisses of discomfort that left his throat.... It surprised him that those didn't make her back off. She just hushed at him softly, clearly trying to keep her touch as gently as she could while freeing him from the seeds that clung to his fur.

"My tail is going to be a lot more difficult; ow-"

"Sorry."

"It's okay. It's.. instinctual, you know? Sometimes I don't really have full control over my tail, it kind of does whatever it wants to do on its own merit."

"Kind of like how blinking and breathing usually isn't manual, or stomach growling when you're hungry?"

"Something like that," Kurt admitted as she managed to get the last seed off his face. Miranda gently cupped his face in her hands, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead that he couldn't help but purr to.

"Let me try anyway. Better to try and get some off then let them stick to your fur," she said softly.

"... Okay."

She gestured for him to swing his tail over to her, and her nimble fingers went back to work to pluck the seeds away from his fur. His tail did twitch with every one she removed, but since she only temporarily held on to the tail each time for a little support instead of holding it indefinitely everything seemed to be fine.

"Huh," she muttered to herself, green eyes flicking up to Kurt for a moment, "I've never noticed before, but the arrow tip doesn't seem to have any fur?"

"Oh, yeah. It kind of fades out to the end of my tail; the tip doesn't have fur but it’s also not really.. human skin?" Kurt mused, the tip of his tail lightly flicking, "same with my extremities. My fingers and toes fade out in a similar fashion to something kind of in between fuzz and human skin. I guess it’s because I still need to be able to feel; if the pads of my fingers and toes were equally as fuzzy as the rest it would mess with touch perception. Same with the tail tip, it’s pretty much like another limb to me that needs to be able to feel what it’s doing, especially with how instinctively it reacts sometimes. That's my theory, anyway. The very tips of my ears are also the same; no true fur there either, and... uhm... you know what, I'm not finishing that train of thought, if you don't mind."

She blinked, genuinely not understanding the sudden halt in his talking as it seemed to distract him from the feeling of having the things plucked off his tail- until she saw his blush deepen and a red hue of her own crept on her face. Oh.

Oh.

"I.... Uh... guess that all makes sense."

"Yeah. Sorry, didn't mean to make it awkward- ow."

"Sorry. And.. well, it was going to come up at some point anyway, right?" her green eyes slowly turned to the side, before she turned them back to focus on the task at hand, "hey... uhm, can I confide something in you?"

"Of course," his voice was soft, warm... comforting. It really did make her feel like she could tell him anything while for once in her life feeling like it wasn't being slotted away to use as ammunition against her later.

".... Sometimes I wish I was... you know. Normal. At least in that regard. That I had just hit the same milestones everyone else seemed to have done. Like, sure, I know not everyone makes it to the perfect average or whatever but... Maybe the whole thing would be less scary to me if I had previous experience, if I knew just what I was getting myself into. The technical know-how can only get you so far, but like, actually asking advice on what's supposed to be the emotional part to it feels so.. taboo, I guess? Like, you either end up with people who can't be serious about it for five seconds, who feel the need to make it a joke either because they never matured past a middle school age or because they're uncomfortable about the subject itself. Or you have people who do want to help but only.. I don't know. Take Shadow for example; sure I can ask her about the medical side of it all but when it comes to the emotional side and my inexperience with that whole element it feels like she… pities me."

"I don't think she pities you," Kurt very gently corrected, "It's just a difficult thing to talk about because the emotional side of it is so personal. To some the emotional side doesn't matter, to some a little, to others a lot... and... well, to someone like me, and I think you as well; the emotional side is the whole reason to even want to give it a try. It’s hard to give advice and guidance on that when it differs so much from person to person."

"I guess so... I'm glad we're having this conversation now, away from the mansion. It's easier to talk like this, truly one on one. Though I have to admit, watching Shadow threaten Gambit with a slipper for walking into the room she uses for consults while we were having a conversation is a sight to behold. She's scary when angry; scary enough to chase him off."

"Mh," Kurt hummed softly in agreement, his golden eyes on her, "and, hey.. Miranda?"

"Hm?"

"I don't think you're weird or abnormal for not having that kind of experience. I mean, I don't either. So.. what I said before still holds true; we can figure all of it out together. Okay?"

"... Thank you. You're really sweet. I thought, you know, with you being a devout Catholic... I don't know. I thought talking about stuff like this would be more difficult. I think I'm the only one making it such a big deal," she muttered, carefully removing the remaining few seeds from his tail.

"If it’s any consolation, it's a big deal to me too," Kurt said softly, the expression on his face just as soft as he caught her gaze in his, "not because of my religion, but because it'll be with someone very dear to me."

Her blush intensified at that, her restless eyes unsure of where to look and in their dance to escape they just got caught in the warm glow of his eyes once more.

"I..." she started, her throat drying out as she tried to get the words out, "t... thank you. You're... You mean a lot to me, too.."

He smiled, slowly scooting closer to her as his tail instinctively started to wag. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and as Kurt curled up next to her, he took one of her hands to press a delicate kiss to the back of it. Miranda was sure she was turning a new, previously unknown shade of red, her invisibility rapidly flickering on and off for a moment until she willed it to behave. Kurt's tail only wagged faster at that, a small smile curling his lips.

"I think it’s so cute when you flicker like that," he said softly, only making her blush worse before it got a little less intense, "Sorry, I hope I'm not making it worse-"

"It's... I'm okay," she muttered, one of her hands finding his to hold for a little more comfort, "I... I think it doesn't know how to react to embarrassment. I guess it triggers the same adrenalin response of fear so it feels the need to click on but since I'm not like, actually physically in danger it feels like false alarm and wants to shut back off? I don't know. I plan on asking Hank or Shadow about it sometime."

"Either way I think it's cute," Kurt said in a small purr, gently pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes and behind her ear, "also, thank you for helping me out with my oh so graceful tumble into the bushes. I appreciate it."

"I do think you’re very graceful. And… you'd do the same for me."

In a soft moment of quiet between them, Miranda silently rested her head to his shoulder as Kurt lightly tucked her head under his chin, his wagging tail wrapping around her on pure instinct. Quietly leaning into each other like that felt like genuine bliss for a while, until Kurt's sharp ears picked up the sound of footsteps drawing near. His eyes opened and quickly found a very thick branch that would support both their weight, immediately teleporting both of them up there and pulling Miranda into a protective embrace. If he did miscalculate the weigh carrying ability of the branch again, he wasn't going to let her get hurt in his stead. Both of them looked down at who came scurrying through the bushes and both let out a sigh.

"It's just Gambit," Kurt huffed, "surely you told him by now, like you did with your other friends?"

Miranda just blinked at him a few times, visible confusion on her face; "Uh, I figured you'd tell him that we're together. He's part of your friend group."

"The two of you are like peas in a pod, Süße. I figured you would tell him."

"Well, from the smell of it Kurt's been here," the voice of the Cajun below interrupting their soft back and forth on who's responsibility it exactly was to officially clue Remy in on the change in their relationship, "sure hope he ain't up to something with fifolet."

"Nothing you'd do when no one's watching, anyway," Kurt lightly growled in a response his friend wasn’t supposed to hear, rolling his eyes as Miranda giggled at it, "seriously, I wish this was an apple orchid. I'm sure I could directly hit him from here."

Miranda elbowed him as she tried desperately to not burst out in laughter and give their position up in the canopy away.

"Where is fifolet anyway? Haven't seen her the whole day either," Gambit mused to himself, to which Miranda just threw up a 'rock on' hand gesture before whispering 'skill issue'- to which it was Kurt's turn to try and not break out into laughter as Remy took off to wherever he felt the need to go.

"Peas in a pod, huh?" Miranda said to Kurt with a grin.

"I never said those can't argue," Kurt protested, "anyway; we'll figure out who gets the questionable honor of telling Gambit we're together, somehow. He's gonna be obnoxious about it, no doubt; but it also doesn't feel right to have him be the only one who doesn't officially know."

"Yeah, that's fair, but that’s also a problem we’ll deal with later," Miranda responded, curling back into Kurt's embrace to breathe in his scent for a second before lightly pushing herself back up to face him. Her eyes looked into his, momentarily flicking away before looking back, "Kurt?"

"Mhh?"

".... Kiss me?"

She didn't have to ask twice, with him eagerly fulfilling her request by pressing his lips on hers. One of his hands moved up to lightly cup her jaw, his thumb gently running over her skin as he deepened the kiss and could only smile at feeling her answer with the same amount of passion- all while her fingers hooked into the fabric of his suit to keep him close.

#Drifting writes things #your honor I have a head ow and semi fluff is the only thing that helps with that

4 notes · View notes

inkspottie · 3 months ago

Note

I'm not exactly sure if making them go back human would give off well, in Vissicitude, Sebastian learns to be well, that new self, and now in Confluence it's Sadao learning to, I think that if they go back unhuman by the end of Confluence, it'll kinda wreck it. The fic (as I see it) is about accepting others and yourselves as what they are, even if not even their face remains, that deep down even the most horribles monsters can be good, so making them go back human feels weird but honestly the idea is good and it's just my opinion and you do what you want! I really just thought on sharing about it But I've thought of something for a question Could Sebastian "reality-shift" (like when you shift to a different reality in your sleep IRL, I think) to a world but him and Sadao are human WITHOUT Lopee's intervention?

Haha don’t worry they won’t be turning into humans anytime soon. Promise. Even at the end of Confluence they will not be back to their human form.

I know some people want them to be human and go back to normal but I think they’re cowards and let the monsters be well monsters.

I just set it up to make it look like they have hope and the potential to have things reverse, and also have fun science shenanigans if ya know what I mean. Probably eventually they’ll go back to being more humanoid…but it won’t ever be human Sadao and human Seb for a WHILE.

As for the reality shift, I think he wouldn’t want that. He wants to be with his version of Sadao. Not some alternate version.

#spottie speaks #and by science shenanigans I mean like body swap that sort of thing if catch my drift #fun stuff to write #and yeah Sebastian loves his Sadao human or not #he doesn’t need to go to another reality where they are humans

22 notes · View notes

aceofstars16 · 8 months ago

Text

Next chapter here we gooo!

This one took longer to write than I would've liked but I was working on other things too and it is almost 4,000 words so...xD

I'm not sure how long it will take to write the next one and if there will be one or two more chapters after this one, but we shall see!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Summary: While looking for their lost family members, the Pines find out more about this dimension - and the creatures that inhabit it.

Mabel couldn’t stop looking at Dipper. Sure, she managed to tear her eyes away from time to time to look for little Stan, but she always came back to Dipper. It was weird seeing him so old. But it was still him. She knew someone might say that it wasn’t really the Dipper she knew, but he was so close to being him. And after not seeing her Dipper for months, well, it was exactly what she needed.

An elderly alien rushed past her, giving Mabel and Dipper a wary look before disappearing into a building. A lot of aliens had seemed to be running into their homes, and while it was a little strange, Mabel was grateful for it as the streets were becoming much clearer. Hopefully it would make it easier to find Stan and maybe Ford too, if they were lucky.

Dipper’s hand tightened on hers and he sped up a little. Apparently, the alien’s behavior was concerning him too.

“So…” Mabel ventured, breaking into a trot to keep up with the older version of her brother. She had tried to taper down her desire to ask questions, but she couldn’t handle keeping quiet any longer.

Looking down at her for a second, Dipper raised his eyebrows. “So?”

“How did you end up here? I mean…Ford told me how he did but…” Mabel’s legs tripped over each other as a thought crossed her mind, and Dipper quickly slowed down to let her catch her footing.

“You okay?” He asked, looking at her then around the square, his body tense.

“Yeah…I…I just remembered what Ford said happened to him…did…did I push you into a portal?” Mabel didn’t really want to ask, the thought was too horrible to consider, but she had to know. Was there a possibility for her and Dipper to ever grow apart like Stan and Ford?

Dipper sighed, still looking around, not meeting her gaze. “I don’t like the look of these streets…” he muttered. “We should probably-” he glanced at Mabel and paused. It was as if he could feel the anxiety that was clawing its way into her chest. Or maybe he could just see it on her face.

Squeezing her hand tight, he gave her a strained smile. “No. You didn’t push me into the portal. It’s…a long story, but I think we should find some shelter firs-”

A loud shrieking interrupted him.

Mabel turned to look in the direction of the sound and froze as she saw the source.

“Run!” Dipper yelled and pulled on her arm, but she couldn’t move. The creature had its eyes locked on her and her body refused to respond. The world around her seemed to fade away, in the back of her mind, she knew she should run, but she could only focus on the beast. Something about the dragon-like creature seemed innocent and pleading. It needed help. If she could just touch it…

Then something grabbed her and lifted her up. She fought the arms, needing to get away, to get to the creature. It needed help. She clawed and bit and struggled until she finally broke away from the arms around her. Then she bolted towards the helpless animal.

“Mabel NO!” A distant voice sounded, but Mabel didn’t know who it was. All she knew was that she needed to do this. It was the right thing to do.

Running as fast as she could, Mabel raced towards the dragon, she was almost there... Then something yanked her arm back. She screamed and fought against it, reaching her arms towards the creature.

Its sharp teeth grinned, it knew she wanted to help. It jumped forward, attacking the arms that were holding her back. She heard a yell but it barely registered, all she knew was that she was free. Rushing forwards, she held her arms out towards the creature. Then she heard a strange pinging sound followed by the beast’s roar.

The world shifted. The bright colors faded and the desperate need to get to the dragon vanished in an instant.

Instead of the poor, hurt animal she had been seeing, she was now looking at a horrifying creature. It towered above her, its spiky scales dripped with something black and sticky, and in its teeth…a shudder ran through her.

Stumbling backward, Mabel quickly glanced back to see Dipper holding a gun, aiming at the beast. His sleeve was torn and blood was dripping from it, but he didn’t seem to notice. His glaze flickered to her and relief crossed his face.

“Get out of here! I’ll try to keep it distracted.”

Mabel didn’t need any more urging, she bolted forward, but she only took two steps before something tripped her leg. She fell face first into the ground, her head ringing with the impact.

“Mabel!”

Dipper’s voice echoed around her and she tried to get to her feet. Then pain exploded in her leg and she was pulled further away from her brother. There was pinging, but the creature was determined to keep Mabel in its grasp. Panic surged through her chest, but as she tried to pull away, the pain in her leg increased. She was trapped.

------

So much for ten minutes. The thought crossed Stan’s mind as he walked next to Ford. It was still kind of weird seeing his brother so old, and sometimes he found himself thinking it was Dipper for a second. But then he’d see the six fingers or Ford’s face and he was quickly reminded who he was actually with.

Stan had tried to ask questions, he had so many swirling through his mind, but Ford had ignored him or told him short answers that didn’t really provide any clarity. So, he’d stopped trying. However, that wasn’t the only reason he’d kept silent for the past few minutes. If he was honest with himself, he was scared. Every time Ford looked at him or talked to him, Stan couldn’t shake the feeling that old Ford didn’t like him. Which was ridiculous! How could Ford not like him? They were brothers! Sure, they sometimes argued and they had their differences, but they always had each other’s backs. But Stan couldn’t push aside the feeling that Ford wasn’t exactly thrilled to have Stan around, and that created a well of fear inside him. Did Ford grow up to hate him? Or think he was just annoying? Was there any way that they would grow apart and not want to be around each other anymore?

Stan bumped into a leg and realized that Ford had stopped walking. Looking around, he tried to see if there was a reason for this. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary aside from the emptying streets. He’d noticed that a while ago and despite it being strange, it also made it easier to move and harder to get lost so he counted it as a win.

“Do you see the person you’re looking for?” Stan asked. He didn’t see any other humans, but maybe Ford’s friend wasn’t human – he hadn’t gotten his brother to fill him in on who he’d lost.

Ford quickly looked down at Stan, a shadow crossing his face before shaking his head. “No…but I don’t like the look of the locals…something isn’t right.”

As if on cue, an aforementioned alien rushed past them and into a building, slamming the door. The sound of it locking from the inside could be heard even from the middle of the street.

Okay, yeah, that was ominous…but… “Hey, it makes it easier to find people…like the person you are looking for...if they are a person…”

Letting out a huff, Ford glanced at Stan again, indecision on his face. Then he shook his head. “I suppose it doesn’t really matter if you know or not.” He said quietly. “I’m looking for Mabel.”

Stan opened his mouth, ready to ask a billion questions, but Ford held up his hand.

“Not the Mabel you know. She’s younger, about your age. My guess is in your universe, her and Dipper take the place of me and you, and vice versa.”

“Obviously.” Stan said sarcastically, teasing his brother coming too naturally to stop. But then the words really sunk in. “Wait…little Mabel??? What is she like as a kid?!? Gosh, I bet she’s the coolest! I mean, she’s cool as an old person, but like, kid Mabel?!? She has to be the most fun ever!”

A quiet laugh escaped Ford, and Stan was surprised to see a soft smile on his face. “That she is…” Then his face clouded and he shook his head. “We need to keep moving. It might be best to find an inn or-”

A horrible screeching sound echoed through the deserted streets, cutting Ford off.

Ford’s hand tightened around Stan’s and he started pulling him to one of the buildings. Stan offered no resistance. Sure, there were some pretty cool creatures around, but unfortunately he’d learned that some of them only cared about one thing – food.

Ford pulled at one, door, then another, but they were locked. Apparently, the locals had a reason for deserting the streets.

Then something else echoed through the streets, not the creature’s screeching. No, it was yelling. Human yelling. And one word was plain as day.

Mabel.

Ford froze, his body stiffening. Then, without a word, he bolted toward the sound. His grip on Stan’s hand had lessened, resulting in Stan’s hand slipping out of his. In all honestly, Stan knew most people wouldn’t have followed. But he wasn’t most people. It might be some young Mabel that he didn’t know, and maybe it was a crazy creature that he had no way of fighting. But there was no way he was letting Ford go by himself. His family was in danger and he wasn’t just gonna sit aside and do nothing. So, he bolted after his old brother, letting adrenaline rush through him as they raced towards the sound of a fight.

------

Dipper was back at the portal, watching Mabel slowly being pulled towards it, knowing he would do anything to stop her from facing that fate. But now he was looking at a younger version of his sister – who wasn’t his Mabel but who he still would do anything to protect – as the dragonesque creature pulled her by the leg.

Glancing around desperately, Dipper pulled out another one of his guns. He had found, lost, and made many on his journeys, but he hadn’t been expecting a fight, so most of them were in their dormant travel modes. His hand found one ready to use and he quickly aimed and fired.

The bullet flew at the dragon, but it didn’t even blink as it hit the gooey hide. Instead, it glanced at Dipper and he swore he could see amusement in its eyes, as if he was just a source of amusement for it.

Panic welled up in Dipper’s chest. He had to figure out something. All he was doing was prolonging the pain Mabel was in. He knew from experience how awful it was to have something bite a limb and not let go.

“Let her go you foul beast!”

Dipper didn’t have time to see the source of the voice before a freezing cold ray hit the creature on the side of its head, creating a shockwave of cold. It roared in pain, releasing Mabel from its grip.

Without a second thought, Dipper rushed forward and grabbed Mabel. As he scooped her up, he did his best to ignore the pain in his arm – Mabel was more important right now – and stumbled away from the creature. Only then could he get a look at who had fired the ice blast.

Dressed in all black, the first striking thing was that he was human. Dipper hadn’t stumbled upon many humans aside from alternate earth dimensions, so seeing one was rare. The second was that he was older, and next to him…

“Stan!”

Stan looked at him and waved, then was yanked out of the way by the black clad man as the creature lunged forward.

“Grunkle Ford!” Mabel cried out from Dipper’s arms, confirming what Dipper had already guessed, the man was her Ford. What were the odds of Stan finding the older version of his brother and Dipper finding the younger version of his sister? Maybe it was just destiny, or luck, Dipper didn’t really have time to decide as the dragon roared again, glaring angrily at Ford.

“Get Mabel and Stanley out of here!” Ford yelled as he shot another ice blast at the creature.

“What? I can help!” Stan shouted.

“We can’t leave him!” Mabel cried, gripping Dipper a little tighter.

“Get them out of there!” Ford yelled as he rolled out of the way of the beast’s tail.

Everything inside of Dipper screamed to help Ford. Maybe he didn’t know him, but Mabel and Stan did, and they cared about him. But at the same time, Mabel was hurt and he knew that it was only a matter of time before someone else got hurt. Forcing down the guilt in his gut, he rushed towards Stan, grabbing his hand with his injured arm and pulling him along, gritting his teeth at the resulting pain.

“Hey! Grunkle Dipper, stop! I can help!” Stan struggled against him but Dipper held firm as he continued to run.

“We have to get Mabel somewhere safe first.” Dipper said, pulling Stan along and hoping that his strength would hold out enough to get the kids to safety.

“I’m okay…r-really.” Mabel spoke, and Dipper saw her looking worriedly behind them at Ford’s slowly shrinking form. But despite her words, her skin looked pale and she was shaking in his arms.

As he ran, Dipper kept an eye out for a suitable hiding place. Every door seemed to be closed tight, and he guessed that most aliens locked their doors at night for obvious reasons. Then he caught sight of a door that was slightly ajar. Rushing forward, he pushed it open and stumbled in. But as the door banged against the wall, Dipper realized that his hand was empty. Stan’s arm was no longer in its grasp, and the boy was nowhere to be seen.

------

I can’t keep this up. The thought crossed Ford’s mind as he rolled away from the creature’s mouth once again. He had tried shooting it in the face again, but it had learned from last time and was getting better at anticipating his attacks. He was still able to hit it occasionally, but his hits weren’t slowing it down as much as before, and his movements were getting sloppier as his exhaustion grew. But he had to keep it distracted, had to make sure that it wouldn’t go after Mabel again. He could still see the fear on her face when he had first arrived on the scene. That alone gave him the energy to keep up his attacks, even while his body screamed at him to stop.

Jumping back as the beast once again tried to trip him with its tail, Ford raised the gun and fired. It was hardly a perfect shot, and it only grazed its sticky scales. The creature’s eyes glinted and it lunged towards him once again. Only years of trained reflexes saved him as he barely managed to spin to the side and avoid the dragon’s sharp teeth.

Ford’s lungs burned at he ran towards a canopy one of the shop keepers had set up and slid under it. He knew he couldn’t hide for long, the creature would find him quickly, and he couldn’t risk it following Dipper and the kids, but he needed a few seconds to catch his breath.

Pressing his back against the wall, Ford forced himself to take deep breaths, no matter how much his lungs burned and screamed at him to breath as quickly as possible. However, that didn’t stop the beast from finding him. Through a hole in the awning, Ford could see it locking eyes with him before letting out a roar.

Hefting his gun, Ford prepared himself to run.

“Hey, stupid dragon, over here!”

An achingly familiar voice echoed through the streets and Ford quickly searched for the source. Sure enough, Stan was standing in the middle of the square, fists raised as if he could actually fight the thing with his hands.

“Stanley! GET OUT OF HERE!” Ford yelled. He couldn’t believe the kid…okay, well, it did seem like something that Stan would do, but he was supposed to be safe with Mabel, not facing off against a dragon.

The creature, who had been focused on Stan, looked back at Ford, as if trying to decide who to go after. It only took a second before it charged at Ford once again, seeming to think that he posed more of a threat. Which was an accurate assessment.

Bolting forward, Ford ran away from Stan, hoping the younger version of his brother would take a hint and get out of there. But as he turned to aim his gun, he saw Stan running towards the beast, yelling at the top of his lungs as he threw a rock at it.

The rock knocked harmlessly against the dragon’s head. For a split second, it turned to look at Stan and, in that instant, Ford saw his chance. With the creature distracted, its face was an easy target. In one fluid movement, Ford leveled his gun, took aim, and fired right at its eye.

The roar that erupted from the beast echoed throughout the streets, making Ford’s ears ring as he bolted forward, taking advantage of the dragon’s distressed state to fire off a few more shots, effectively freezing most of its face.

“That’s right you gross, stupid-” Ford reached Stan and slapped his hand over his mouth before he could say anymore.

“It can still hear!” He snapped, keeping his voice low.

Stan pouted but didn’t say any more. Satisfied that he would keep quiet, Ford removed his hand from his mouth and instead grabbed Stan’s arm, pulling him along as he raced into an alleyway. He knew the creature wouldn’t be blinded by ice forever, they had to move quickly if they wanted to get away without it following them.

“That was awesome!”

Ford winced at Stan’s voice and shot him a look, but at least he had waited until they’d made it to a different street to speak, and he kept his voice quieter.

“No, it was dangerous,” Ford snapped in a low voice. “I told you to go with Dipper.”

Stan let out a huff even as they continued to run. “Oh, come on, Sixer. You’re just mad I saved you!”

An icy chill ran through Ford at the nickname. He hadn’t heard it in a long time, and last time he had…Shaking his head, he focused on the situation at hand. “No, I’m mad that you didn’t listen. You could’ve been killed.”

“So could’ve you!”

“You could have too.”

“What?”

“Gramm-”

“There!” Stan shouted out, louder than Ford would’ve liked, cutting off his correction to Stanley’s poor grammar.

Stan pulled on Ford’s hand, pointed towards a building, and despite his frustration with his little brother, Ford gritted his teeth and followed.

As they reached a side door, Stan rushed forward.

“Stanley, wait!” Ford hissed, but Stan had already rushed forward and flung the door open.

“Stop right there!” A voice cried out.

Ford immediately pulled up his gun, ready to fire, only to find himself looking at another gun aiming at him.

“Don’t shoot!”

Ford’s hand dropped a fraction at the familiar voice. Relief washed over him as he saw Mabel sitting behind the man with the gun, who he now realized was the older version of Dipper.

“Stan…” Dipper let out a breath of relief as he noticed Stan standing next to Ford.

A roar echoed through the streets.

“Inside, now.” Ford quickly ushered Stan into the building and followed behind him before grabbing a barrel of provisions and pushing them in front of the door. It wouldn’t stop the dragon, but it would at least make sure nothing else could get in.

Once the door was secure, Ford turned to take stock of the situation. There was a small lantern of sorts lighting up the room. It must have been a supply room, as there were barrels of different foods lining the walls, but thankfully no one else seemed to be occupying the space.

Letting out a breath, Ford immediately looked at Mabel. She looked tired, and paler than usual, but thankfully her leg seemed to already have been tended to.

Walking forward, he crouched down, opening his mouth to speak, but two small arms were flung around his neck before anything could come out.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Mabel said quietly, her arms tightening around him.

A lump formed in Ford’s throat and he carefully wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back, taking comfort from the fact that she was here and she was okay.

“I helped!”

Stan’s voice sounded from behind him and Ford felt his annoyance at his brother’s recklessness return. But then Mabel leaned back from her hug and a grin grew on her face as she saw Stan, who was standing next to Dipper.

“Well now I know you’re Stan!”

A grin grew on Stan’s face. “And you’re Mabel, the coolest Grantie ever!”

“Uh…” Mabel paused at that, seemingly unsure how to respond. “Thanks?”

“So, do I like fight a bunch of stuff when I’m old too?” Stan didn’t seem worried about Mabel’s uncertainty, and despite the frustration that still tried to cling to Ford, he was grateful that Mabel seemed to be acting like herself.

“Oh, yes! You punched a dinosaur in the face to get Waddles back for me, and you fought off a bunch of zombies to protect me and Dipper, it was so-” A shadow passed over Mabel’s face as she seemed to remember that the Stan and Dipper in the room with them weren’t the ones who had experienced those events with her.

A mix of sadness and anger pricked at Ford’s heart and he quickly cleared his throat. “We will have time for stories later. Mabel, you should rest.”

Mabel glanced at her leg, then at Stan and Dipper. “Only if Dipper rests too.”

Ford glance at the older version of his great nephew and noticed the bandage around his arm for the first time, along with the uncertainty on his face.

“I can keep watch.” Ford said, knowing that if Dipper was anything like him, he wouldn’t be able to rest unless he knew it was safe.

Dipper opened his mouth, then looked at Mabel and sighed. “Okay, I’ll rest some. But only if you or Stan wakes me up to take over after a few hours.” He looked at Ford for a moment, as if studying him. “You look like you could use some sleep too.”

“I assure you I’m-” Ford started, but Mabel poked him and he saw her looking worriedly at him. Leave it to her to worry about him when she was the one with the hurt leg.

“You did run a lot.” Stan said pointedly, though Ford was surprised to see worry on his face as well.

Glancing at Dipper, and seeing a similar concern on his face, he realized he was outvoted three to one.

“Alright, deal.”

#gravity falls #gravity falls fanfiction #gravity falls au #drifting stars au #relativity falls #relativity stars au #ford pines #stan pines #mabel pines #dipper pines #stanford pines #stanley pines #aceo writes things #relativity stars

73 notes · View notes

snailsandpuppy-dogtails · 3 months ago

Text

Tree metaphors.

So often, imposing, strong, men are described as “oaks”. Luke wasn’t oak though, no, when she’d looked into it, he was much more like the cocobolo; a squishy soft outer surrounding the sturdy, tough, dense inner. She was not like that, soft, not with him anyway. She was always hard on the outside with him, soft on the inside…She couldn’t find a tree like that.

He was too ready to give, too ready to be moved. And maybe he’d been moved all along. Moved by her. Bent by her.

#garvez #luke alvez #penelope garcia #writing drifting through #ugh metaphor! it's a metaphor! you'd think i didn't fucking teach these things #edit: i had written simile and then corrected it

20 notes · View notes

sysig · 26 days ago

Text

Requestober 2024 Sketches

The playlist is...well, it will be posting very soon! Keep an eye out for your req(s) every Wednesday and/or Friday after the 6th (I think?), pretty sure I got ‘em all >:3c

Doing the full season this time around! The entire mixed bag o’ candy haha

Day 1 had my beautiful boys!! ♥ I’m so happy that Yanderapy took the lead this year ah! It’s too bad I’m so out of practice with them haha, unconfident lines, but the idea was solidly in place from the word go - this was really the only image that came to mind for them, their weird dynamic hehe <3 Made for each other! I am glad their expressions came together so well in the final version, though I didn’t get to show Micchan kneeling! That’s alright tho ♪ Cute enough here hehe

Day 2 got a lot of notes! Kabu’s clothing design is So complex lol, just toss him behind Larry who’s like second nature to draw, suits are so so simple in comparison haha ♪ Still only ended up hiding bits of him! He did end up with his shoe on the outside of Larry’s, boxing him in that little bit <3 And look! His smirk!! As well as the “hiragana” on his sleeves while I was still under the impression that it was text and not Flame Texture lol

And yes, as you can see, I ended up going with the alt doodle, they got more! I was quite tempted by Larry holding Kabu since he’s so tiny lol, but that would’ve required drawing his details! No! Hide him!! The pose is fun and silly and cute tho haha, very plush-coded ♪ And then also a little smech for funsies <3 Just to follow up their staring-at-each-other-in-a-gay-way they ended up with ♥ Rather a fan of Kabu’s hands pulling Larry in :)

Day 3′s was such a pose change!!! Mostly for Edgar, though he’s still kneeling here, inexplicably haha - the angle changed for the final version, and both of their head angles and just, ah, nothing more than a general outline of what I was going for. I’m pleased with both tho! I think the final is much more clear and readable, but there’s always a bit of fun with Edgar looking down/Scriabin looking up haha. I suppose it’s more appropriate than an angel would be looking down on a devil, isn’t it? Haha

Day 4 was another easy one at least, the pose immediately came to mind to show off Nny’s clothes on an even ganglier, thinner frame haha. Like I said, I really tried for more fullbodies this year, so I had to give the tiny version a proper swing on-page! Ran out of room for the larger one, but I really wanted to draw him holding his shoe with his hand haha. You can see the goopmonster on his shirt here too! :D I think his annoyed face is quite cute hehe <3

Day 5 was practically a freebie, and I took absolute full advantage hehehe ♪ If I get the prompt of “soft” of course I’m going to opt for plushies! I’m back in my Webkinz era, and Tala is big big big on Webkinz as well :) And her being a plushie has something of an impact there too lol, but it was really fun to look over all my little guys! I ended up having an extra handful of thoughts about all of them so they’ll be getting their own post(s) :D Good too, since I didn’t talk much about Embroidery’s closet cosplay haha

Day 6 was actually a bit of a question mark for me at first! :0 Not as though I don’t love when Edgar has to clean up Scriabin’s self-inflicted problems haha, I just wasn’t sure what it should be! Making it seasonal helped a bit there - lots of sticker burrs around here when we go walking haha. The bonus ended up being a digital-only, but it was a good motivator to finish these, and then the full poses came to mind - I’m not sure why I was more excited to work on full body poses, but I really was! Maybe the success of meeting my self-imposed challenge haha

I ended up scrapping the alt since it reminded me a little too much of one of the ‘22 reqs - trying to keep things fairly fresh! It was also a little too cartoony haha, where would Edgar suddenly pull such strength from! This doesn’t look like a dream! At least it wouldn’t have been a nightmare of Scriabin being hurt :’) Rescue!

Day 7 was another insta-idea! Really going back and forth on those lol, it sprouted into my head fully formed! This was actually one of a couple I wrote down as I was away from my notebook while brainstorming, so it came back as a mini script; one of more dialogue-heavy ones! Chicken or egg, I wonder, hmm. I always draw Smoker with her sleeves up even though she usually wears them down haha, I dunno. Had a heck of a time with Angie’s hair! I tend to make hair super super fluffy but hers is long and straight and presumably weighs itself down! Doesn’t floof! You’d think having heavy hair myself would incline me towards knowing anything about it but nope lol

Little bouncy concepts haha, and poor Mousey so jealous in the middle, surrounded with them having the most fun!

Day 8 was fairly simple with such a focused ask of them eating Specific Food - can do! Chibis just felt right for such a cute food haha. Would Edgar have a crepe pan, I wonder... I suppose a lot of it comes down to the batter, I haven’t made crepes in such a long time so I wouldn’t know anymore haha

Day 9 featured the slouchy throne! You can see I like the little leggies haha, I did make it a touch more proportional in the final version but who can resist the sillies! Had to draw it and Mettaton separately so I could easily see their silhouettes, I think it all came together in the end fairly well :) Had one heck of a time getting the bottom of his shoes to play nice, but I’m proud of how it turned out!!

Day 10′s, who can resist skelehugs ♥ No I! Not me!! The original had them a lot more upright, I’m glad I went with my note of leaning them back a bit more. Also had Papyrus’ legs on either side of Sans, protective <3 I do like both, but I think they look a bit more reasonably comfortable in the final version, figuring out contact points with one of Papyrus’ legs all the way to one side was too much haha. No boots on the couch! I think they look a bit younger in the final version too, maybe from their eyebrow expressions? Interesting how such small changes can make a big difference ♪

Day 11 was originally going to feature a bunch more Pokemon!! Several of my pink-and-purple faves all gathered around MewTwo <3 Flaafy and Musharna and Sableye my beloved 💜 And of course Whismur!! Can’t but Whismur all the time haha, but in the end I opted to go for the simpler(?) option of just the two ‘mons interacting

Whismur is so spooked by you, even lying down!! Even tho I drew it so I can see it right in front of me, I just can’t imagine MewTwo lying down to investigate haha. More posing changes! Lot of ‘em this year. Pls to quiet, cats have very sensitive hearing, you don’t need to shout

Day 12 started off with probably the Correct Amount of confusion lol, considering even @cutiebetutie didn’t expect this to be the matchup lolol, still deeply hilarious to me. But hey, what was I going to do, question a crackship?? Do I look like the kind of person who would say no to exploring some possibilities? Of course I had to give them a scope lol

Haha, “Alt” in quotes as I knew this would actually be the full version, the handholding is cute but where’s the dynamic! There is something there after all! I think so anyway, some tiny tiny sliver that they could start from, and what more foot in the door do you really need? If Nny’s on his charm that drew Devi in, I don’t see why someone a little more airheaded like Jake couldn’t be beguiled haha, if he lasts long enough for that ♪ It’s very tense! I wish him well, I wonder if he could protect himself... Just cut and run, Jake!! Makes for an interesting suspense, that’s for sure haha

Day 13‘s kigurumis!!! Yay!!!! Smol and I successfully wore ours for Halloween this year, we’re them fr fr haha, definitely one of my favourites from this season <3 <3 They’re so cute! Biggest change from here to there is probably where the legs start/end haha, kigurumi have funny little legs hehe. And also Papyrus’ gloves! Sans ended up without any, I can’t resist a hand plate here or there ♪ Also him closing his one good eye to pun about was an accident until it wasn’t haha, just another excuse to do a touch of rereading :3

Day 14‘s turned out so good for how cramped the sketch was!!! Gaster’s hardly there at all! Which is appropriate in its own way haha, filling in the rest of his details was pretty fun tho :) Papyrus looks a lot more desperate in this version which I do like, but him openly enjoying himself is very sweet, who could deny him that <3 Quite pleased with how his arm and hand posing came together in the end as well, fairly minor changes but I think it all flows together much nicer :D

Day 15′s word bubbles turned out way cleaner in the sketch than the final version?? Calls for more practice I suppose; it is asymmetrical, but it does look nice! Maybe needed more colour swatches haha, more and more rows! Edgar’s unimpressed look in the final version is quite good I think but there’s almost a kind of urgency with no eyes behind blank glasses hmm, they both have their merits! I applaud everyone who caught Scriabin holding the bi flag as his swatches! :D Good eye!

Day 16 began The Sleepies lol, I was a bit tired while doodling the first go and it uhm. Well. I mean. You can see lol. S’a bit goofy haha

The alt was much much better! I did end up leaving out the grass which I’m a Little disappointed about - feels too manicured, too sterile in the final version! But I really couldn’t figure a way of adding a bit of visual noise that wouldn’t look flat as well! Minecraft, eh, lol. I am quite pleased with how round Moomin turned out tho :D He looks like a marshmallow in the final version! Yay!

I actually doodled Day 17′s concept before 16 since it came to me so strongly - I do kind of like how much more upright Mob is here, him being as hunched over as he is in the final version adds to the moodiness of the piece I feel. He really is such a good boy! I don’t wish him dark and upsettings!

Day 18‘s didn’t get a paper sketch as I was verrryyyyy tired and had no energy to scan, so skipped the step that would make scanning necessary haha. For all that, I do rather like the digital sketch tho! I think Snufkin’s left leg is a bit better proportioned, and his expression is maybe a bit cheekier? Moomin’s perfect, no notes haha. I also ended up really liking their tail expressions, how Snuf’s is kind of straight and flat while Moomin’s is very roundy hehe <3

I know I said Day 20 doesn’t count but I mean, it’s on the same page! It got the “Day 20″ label! Sketch can go here why not haha. Happy belated Ace Week! I thought it was fun to put a bunch of pink lovehearts around the big central ace heart for me specifically hehe 💜💗

I mentioned in the tags that Day 26‘s original concept was too big to try to do all at once and ahhhh I wish I’d been able to swing it!! I wish I’d been able to do the whole thing!!!! I love scenes like this the most!! Little isometric rooms with little isometric characters all chatting and interacting and being cute and silly and tiny!! I love that! Alas, it had to stay a sketch, but here it is!! Can you recognize everyone here? The main three got the center, but who could the rest be :3c And what of their costumes! Hehe ♪

Still fighting back the sleepies for what ended up being the final version so the dialogue was left much more vague than the caption haha, the aliens don’t even have feet here! I suppose they are meant to be in fish costumes lol, it tracks that only the fully-human Captain’s legs would end there, but definitely not intentionally done so lol. I like ZEX’s expression here so muuuuch ahh I wish I’d been able to capture it a bit better in the digital version! Always something for next time haha

I actually ended up drawing Day 30′s sketch very very last, so this was the last doodle of the season! Me, projecting my tiredness onto the Vargases? Nooo <3 Another one that ended up very very different from the final version, I just needed Something down to paper and out of my head to work with really - I knew even while drawing this that I was going to end up with something very different haha. Sometimes hand just does whatever it wants pft. The dialogue was the star of the show here! And you can see what Scriabin was up to, obscured by the couch haha

Day 31, penultimate sketches for the final day! I really do love Scriabin hiding behind Edgar - wants to be included but not That close, very much with Edgar in the way of anything bad happening to him haha. More pose changes! I like both versions, Todd holding Shmee for comfort or him spilling out of his lap as he focuses all his attention on Joel <3 Both cute in different ways!

Cats are still not one of my strong-suits, but I have been drawing them a bit more recently! Admittedly of the cartoon variety, but even that has had some effect I think! Like their little triangle noses, and the way their ears scoop inwards, and whiskers - little things! I like it! I had fun with these little concept poses, Joel kind of curiously huddling on Edgar’s chest, looking at the world from a safe vantage spot haha. Hold him gently! He deserves it!

All the sketches from this year! I ended up having a lot of fun this season even if it was a little lighter than previous years haha, thank you again to everyone who joined!! ♥

#Doodles #Requestober #Oh hey there wasn't any blood this year was there! How unusual haha #Here we go tag roundup - Yanderapy hehe <3 - Pokemon (both 'mons and canon characters!) - Vargas of course - Handplates ♥ - Webkinz :D -#RespectAWoman! Yeah!! Their first digitals whoo! - Undertale non-AU haha - Moomins and Minecraft - MP100 - Damned! So happy to have one ♥#I really wasn't sure if I was gonna get one! I spent so much time thinking about Damned this year ahhh <3 <3 Niche of a niche but delight ♪#A very fun spread this year - as is every year haha but it's always fun to see which ones are new and which ones return!#Much higher proportion of Handplates this year :D Not surprised there considering how the year started haha ♪#Always happy to draw those lads <3 They're a delight #And as usual my focus tends to drift towards whatever the req is so I've found myself doing some rereading all over! Which is quite fun :D #Still holding off on Vargas for the time being but everything else got some attention which was very enjoyable ahh #Being caught up has its perks - like reading new things hehe ♪#It does feel funny to have Vargas stuff in a sketchdump when I've still got the VLH-specific sketchdump in the backlog.... Remind me lol #Still lol for as much fun of a season as it was I am ready for it to come to a close haha #And luckily this didn't break even once so I'm getting my ask without a fuss!! Yes!!!#Tired!! Ready to take a short break!!! And it really will be short since I want to start up again at the beginning of next week lol #But I get my break!!! I definitely feel like I've earned it haha #And then it'll be back to doodling and editing and writing ahhhh - plenty of other things I'm looking forward to!!!#Thanks again for such a fun season <3 Couldn't do it without you hehe

13 notes · View notes