#dreams about the pythons

[thesuetyouforgot]

Hello, I have something kinda.....weird to say the least, if you don't mind reading my thoughts that is?

Basically, a few months ago, I had a strange and surreal dream/nightmare kind of thing. It was about Monty Python. But it was a depressing and tragic alternative universe. A universe where John Cleese and Michael Palin both got assassinated/killed on the day of the "Friday Night, Saturday Morning" Life of Brian debate interview, where a religious extremist who really hated the film Life of Brian with a burning passion took out both John and Michael out of spite. Like, utter spite, ya'know?

It was....horrible to think about..yet it was an interesting experience to think about.

I'm okay now, I'm aware it was JUST only a bad recurring dream. But, it just shivers me to the core to think about what would've happened on that day in that alternative universe. What would the world look like? What the Pythons think about the sudden passing of John and Michael? Just what would've happened on that day......

Wow... That's sounds terrible actually & definitely like a dream I wouldn't want to dream myself...

It really is an extremely chilling thought and like you said, interesting in a horrible way. Don't even know what to say - the fear that must cause to the other Pythons, the sheer tragedy of taking someone's life for simply making a funny little movie, all the beautiful things we would have never gotten (like movies, books, documentaries...) etc. Glad it never happened in reality!

--Thank you for sharing your dream & thoughts with me, though!--

[pondslime]

invasive

bo sinclair x afab!reader

rating: explicit

wordcount: 941 

Reader POV. Your dreams take you to different places, but you’re never too far out of reach. 

EXTREMELY dubious consent as always. Mostly weird prose, but there’s some smut thrown in here as well. Somnophilia, cockwarming. 

A/N: It’s been raining for nearly a week straight where I am. Every single day has been grey. This idea burrowed into my brain and now I’m inflicting it upon you. Similar vibes to poacher’s dream. I just...really wanted to write something that reminded me of the feeling I was trying to capture with that fic. Somnophilia’s been on my mind ever since I read this absolutely electric fic by our lord and savior, @visceravalentines​. Definitely go read it if you haven’t already. It features a lovely man who is not at all like the one in this fic. We should all make out with him instead, probably. We won’t.

You’re lost in a quagmire of green, knee-deep in muck.

You’re running from something, but you aren’t sure what. You feel like it must be close. You can hear crashing, the sloshing of something at your heels. The water is dark here, it’s deep. You need to watch where you’re going, but you won’t. It feels familiar.

Maybe, if you push a little further, you’ll reach the edge of the marshland.

The trees crowd around each other, their bulbous trunks bursting out of thick green algae. It’s so dense here, impossibly heavy with warmth. It soaks through your clothes, bleeds under your skin. If someone sliced you open and cracked your bones apart, you’re sure you'd flare hot. Chalky white and exposed, scattering chunks of marrow over the swamp. 

Things end up here when they have nowhere left to go. They get caught in the hanging moss and become part of the scenery. 

You’ll make a mess of this place, but it won’t matter. There are animals here, bigger than you, and they’ve been waiting. You couldn’t ever run very fast. These kinds of games are about losing.

It wasn’t behind you, anyway. It caught your ankle underwater and pulled you down, tumbled you underneath its weight. You’re spinning wildly, rolling and churning, filling your lungs with water (but it’s so hot here, and you like that stuff).

It’ll play with its food until your neck snaps. Trailing blood in the water, dragging you back to a den squashed in the mangroves. A place of dead things, hobbled together out of reeds and a dozen people’s bones. You wonder if they sparked like yours, if they’re kindling too.

Your body is perched on top of a waterlogged tire and hid away until it starts to rot. It makes it easier to eat when it’s soft like that, when the botflies come. Practical things are sometimes the cruelest.

God, you’ve never been anywhere this hot.

You wake up with your face pressed into the pillow, huffing out shallow breaths. The room is bathed in pale light, milky grey with the faintest wash of blue.

The grey disorients you. There was so much light before. You blink a bit in the gloom. Water is still rushing away above you, beside you. It’s impossible to tell what time it is or how long you’ve been asleep. It feels like forever. You lived and you died long before you were spat out here.

Out of the heat of your dream, you’re surprised to feel your skin prickle with goosebumps. You must have thrown the sheets off in your sleep. The position you’re in feels unnatural, one leg hoisted away from you. It rests on something solid, something warmer than this room.

You feel so full (of water, of bugs in your belly eating away the soft tissue, of life).

Stop, look at the window. You’re not underwater. It’s raining, dripping tears down the glass. You’re awake again and the fullness is the pressure between your legs.  

Bo’s hand cups at your breast, jiggling the flesh to test its weight in his palm. He catches your nipple between his fingers, tugs at it. When he rolls his hips, you let out a soft little noise, mouthing at the pillowcase. His cock pulses inside you, thick and warm. 

He’s already so deep.

“Couldn’t help myself.” He murmurs into your ear. “Not with you movin’ round like that.”

His hand wraps around your thigh, easing you down. You let out a whine as you feel your walls stretch around him. He hisses out a breath, digging his fingers into your skin.

“You’re so wet, baby.” His voice is husky, the rasp of sleep still thick around his words. You can feel how slick you are, how easy it is for him to push in. “What were you dreamin’ ‘bout?”

“You.” You’re not lying, not exactly. He doesn’t need to know the specifics.

It’s the right answer, or, at least, the one he was expecting. You’re never really sure with him. It doesn’t matter, really. Your dream is getting away from you now, chased away by his hands and his lips and his cock. You were somewhere. He was there. You remember heat, you remember weight. 

(Or maybe that’s all there is now and you’re getting things confused.)

“Thought you were tryin’ to kill me, baby.” He nips along your neck. You clench down around him, moaning into the pillow. “Asleep, squeezin’ me like that.”

Good, you almost say. If I wrap myself around you enough times, you can’t breathe. Neither can I, but I only need to do it once. 

People get rid of snakes, throw them off into the swamp. They’re not supposed to be there. But this looks enough like their idea of home, doesn’t it? They’ll adapt or they’ll get eaten, and that’s all you could ask for. 

His breath is warm on your skin. You reach back, your fingers curling into his hair. 

“You ready to stop teasin’ me?”

(I couldn’t stomach you if I did. I’m not supposed to be here, anyway.)

You almost ask him if he had the same dream. Was it hard, waiting for the rot to set in? Waiting for softness? Did you taste better like that? Would he do it again if you asked him to? Could you return the favor?

Your hand tightens in his hair, giving it a sharp tug. His teeth are on your neck and it hurts in the way it’s supposed to hurt—scorching away inside you.

You’ve never been anywhere that hot, but maybe he has. Maybe he’ll take you there.

“Yes.”

[randomly-generated-posts-machine]

put the man made of tumblr and papyrus with key plot points into a fake town with cameras everywhere and actors and see what happens

[marshmurmurs]

blorbo from the Visions

[syncrovoid-presents]

I have been researching Animatronics and it is oh so very very fascinating. The arduino boards vs something complex enough to use a raspberry pi, the types of servos, how you can build a servo without using an actual servo if the servo would be too big, etc etc etc.

The downside is now I look at fnaf animatronics and figure how they may mechanically work and you know what? The Daycare Attendant, if they were real, would be such a highly advanced machine. Not only is the programming and machine learning and large language models of all the animatronics of FNAF security breach super advanced, just the physical build is so technically advanced. Mostly because of how thin the Daycare Attendant is, but also with how fluid their movement is. One of the most top 10 advanced animatronics in the series. (I want to study them)

[vintagesewingmachine]

big L moment: i need help cleaning my snake tank bc after too many nightmares about my python attacking me im scared to handle him and today he is being kinda bitchy so i couldnt move him to the secondary container :(

[himexyandere]

I'd like to imagine a Yandere!Python Husband would keep you up all night, panting and purring about how your home is big enough to fit more than the two of you. He'll keep his thick cocks buried in both of your holes while he casually asks you how many children you'd want to have. No matter what your answer is, he'll keep fucking you and dumping his thick seed directly inside your womb. It's okay to pass out a little, he doesn't mind! Rest assured that you will be waking up to a belly full of cum and a snuggly snake curled around you in a protective manner (as if you're already pregnant and in need of protection). His dream is to knock you up with twins or triplets 💖

"You'll grant that for me, won't you, dearie~?"

[keyotos]

he does it so well

summary ⎯ hot things they do.

includes ⎯ dan heng, gepard, blade, sampo, & jing yuan.

tana's words ⎯ struggling with writing requests rn so i wrote something short to clear writer's block. im sorry guys i'll get to them soon i promise 😭

dan heng

⎯ waits for you before turning the page on a book. he notices that you are reading along with him and waits for you to signal that you're ready before carrying on.

⎯ private > public. he will brush your hand in public but he will be all over you in private. instead of only brushing your hand, dan heng will be brushing up on you. more touchy in private than in public.

⎯ pushes the hair out of your face when it's getting in your way. but he does it in a more sensual way. his fingers graze your lips as he agonizingly drags his hand through your hair.

⎯ long day? melts into your body at night. runs his hands up and down your arms as a way to relieve stress?? leans his head into your neck and sighs so dreamily??? like hello?? lips grazing your neck???

⎯ hot morning voice. raspy and rough. also kind of scratchy. when he tells you, "five more minutes," how could you say no to THAT voice? he knows of this effect and makes sure to use it to his full advantage

⎯ very observant. knows everything you like; knows your routines; knows you. he's the first to compliment you if you got a haircut or new outfit/nails/whatever. it always make you blush bc how is he always the first one to figure these things out?!?@#$%

⎯ gets jealous a little too easily. doesn't do anything verbal about it. opts for being a little more touchy than usual. he thinks it's embarrassing and he wants to hide his face into his pillow when you tease him about it.

⎯ lip biter. not when y'all are kissing, but when he tries to hide his smile or his laugh he bites his lip. you find it so cute and you just want to grab him and just connect your lips with his.

⎯ nerd. hot sexy nerd. he'll tell you about animals and mitosis and python and he's just so intelligent. helps you with problem solving things (probably puzzles idk) and he stands/leans over you with his breath dancing on the back of your neck.

⎯ jawline kisser. if he wants something from you he gives chaste kisses to your jawline. he does that when he's bored too ig. very big on jaw kisses and secretly loves when you flush because of them.

gepard

⎯ blushes when you compliment him. he looks so adorable you just wanna pinch his cheeks and smother him. he gets even more embarrassed

⎯ big domestic guy. ntm on casual stuff or situationships. if he wants you, he'll let you know (even if he's blushing his way through it).

⎯ he is not shy. in the beginning he might be a little shy, but later on the relationship he'll get bolder. chaste kisses on the lips becomes long make-out sessions on his bed after a rather tiring day on the front lines. and if he hasn't seen you in a while... i will let you guys interpret.

⎯ leans down to listen to you. he's literally gigantic and when he LEANS DOWN just to hear what you say... and it's so innocent too but the way you look up at him doesn't make it so innocent anymore...

⎯ pins you to the wall on accident. may or may not be inspired by teenage dream. anyway, he does a lot of hot things on accident and doesn't even realize it. so you are trying not to explode while gepard is enjoying his merry day while caging you underneath him.

⎯ acts like a knight since u always make jokes that he's your "knight in shining armor." so dedicated that he kisses your knuckles out of nowhere and it makes you want to FAINT. like you could be reading and (out of nowhere) he takes your hand away from your book and kisses ur knuckles. AND HE HOLDS EYE CONTACT WHILE DOING IT.

⎯ flirty without knowing it. says something cute and flirty but doesn't realize it until you say something. and he says it so calmly too; like drops it into a convo

⎯ runs a hand through your hair before you two sleep. he just wants to keep you close and he just wants to feel you because he never gets to come home often.

⎯ ROLLS UP. HIS SLEEVES. TO HIS FOREARMS. he does this when he's particularly stressed. like come here i can show you a way to destress (i'm so sorry).

blade

⎯ he's only shirtless when YOU are around. he trusts you enough to show all of himself around you. you are reliable and trustworthy enough to be able to know the entirety of him: his body, his mind, his past, etc.

⎯ intensely loyal to you. like if he had to choose between the world and you he would obviously choose you. would do anything for you, would buy anything for you, would steal anything for you: you guys get the gist.

⎯ he's so loving only towards you. silver wolf and kafka like to tease him for it (especially silver wolf... bc how can he play a game with you and not her). he does little things for you, like picking lint off of your outfit or pulling your hair back when you're eating something. or pulling your hair back when you're doing something...

⎯ LOVES when you wear his clothing. his shirt his jacket ANYTHING. whatever it is, he will be going crazy for it. has a thing for when you wear his shirts; you just look so good and you're wearing something that's HIS. not anyone else's; HIS SHIRT.

⎯ has a little possessive streak. it's not a weird and overprotective possessive thing tho. more so, "no silver wolf you are not going to force them to play games with you." maybe it's more overprotective than possessive, but secretly he wants you all to himself and he does NOT want to share.

⎯ speaking of being overprotective, he is also just regular protective. he walks on the side near the road so you don't have to. he grabs your arm to pull you away from something dangerous. he shields you so he'll get hit before you. yk, cute stuff like that. your safety is his priority, no matter what.

⎯ he is the type to be like, "who did this to you??" and he WILL be hunting that person down. but not without urgently caring for you first.

⎯ his touch is so filled with emotion, genuineness, earnestness, and sincere. i hc that blade doesn't have much relationship experience and he isn't very wordy, so when he hugs you or touches you, all of his emotions are poured into his hands/fingers/etc. all of what he feels for you (which is very much) is shown in his physical touch.

sampo

⎯ MANSPREADS. i said it. HE IS A MANSPREADER. elbows resting on top of his knees as he says something super coy or flirty towards you, and sometimes you even have to PHYSICALLY avert your eyes away.

⎯ a tease. if you lean in for a kiss, he'll lean backwards. if he's missing you, his fingertips will dance along the bare skin of your sides, and then he'll pull away to make you want him as much as he wants you. he is so INFURIATING.

⎯ if he flusters you and you blush n try to cover your face with something (literally anything), he'll grab whatever you're holding so he could see your face. to him, you look the prettiest when you're smiley and flustered, such as in those situations.

⎯ if you're going on a long tangent about something, he'll kiss you on your lips randomly. he doesn't mind your rambling, he thinks it's adorable, which is why he does it. it always leaves you with your jaw dropped before you could continue what you were saying.

⎯ the type to lock himself in a closet with you but on accident. you guys don't know how you two even got into that situation, but sampo is with you, so he couldn't be happier. big quality time guy.

⎯ brings you little trinkets or gifts based on his "business" adventures. whenever he sees something, he gets it for you. his mind is usually racing about you anyway, so he can't help himself when he develops a spending problem because of you

⎯ sings with you to songs. you could be singing in the shower and then you hear this agitating, grating voice. he's a terrible singer, but he'll do anything as long as you're there with him, so he sings with you anyway.

jing yuan

⎯ wakes up and the first thing he does is admire you. he studies every single one of your facial features, acting as if he's never seen them before when he wakes up to your face every day. he finds beauty all around you: in your sleeping face, on the bridge of your nose, the pout of your lips when you're asleep. he just loves all of you.

⎯ a flirt and PROUD. he's bold with his quips. not afraid of initiating affection in public but he prefers private which i think is much sexier.

⎯ neck kisser. heavy on neck kisses (especially in the morning). practically an entire body kisser tbh. he can't get enough of you, and in a world where loneliness strives (immortality), he's grateful that he has you for the time being.

⎯ grabs your chin and tilts your head up if he wants you. he doesn't do it forcefully, more like a gentle smush. he locks eyes with you and omfg it makes your heart beat sm. like why are you looking at me LIKE THAT. so sensually or whateva....

⎯ urges you to come closer to him so he can whisper something in your ear. when do you come closer to him, he pulls you by the waist and gets super close to your ear. like lips brushing your ear. and he blows a raspberry in it. so stupid but too lovable.

⎯ lies down in your lap if you two are lounging together. since he's so busy, he doesn't get to lounge around often, so he likes to be as close to you as possible.

⎯ if he wants to kiss you, you will know. not because he'll tell you. but because of the specific LOOK he gives you. his eyes are narrowed under the spell of seduction, focusing only on your lips. his mouth is slightly parted like he is ready to kiss you, and the way he tilts his head down...

⎯ patient for you. will wait for you even when he is dying to feel you once again. he has to deal with yanqing so he holds a lot of patience. but he won't rush you with anything, lets you move at your own pace, and gives you help if needed. overall sweet guy.

i hope this motivates me into finishing my requests

[balrogballs]

I have never had a normal thought since I realised Aragorn/Estel would have been around 10 years old — more like 7/8 considering his heritage — when Thorin's Company passes through Rivendell, so here are some brainrot headcanons (continued under the cut):

Estel is obsessed with Thorin. Just completely obsessed. Follows him around everywhere like a cat, begs him to play with him, offers to run errands for him. Literally every elf in Rivendell is completely stunned at the behaviour because Estel is, normally, a card-carrying ankle-biter.

The Dwarves, on the other hand, are shocked by the fact that by a few days into the visit, Thorin seems to like Estel too. Gloin would have sworn that he expected Thorin to throw the child off the banisters the minute he made him hold his pet python. Thorin didn't just hold said snake, but played with him, let him do little odd jobs, even letting him sit up with him at the dining halls. On two evenings, he even takes Estel out with a wooden sword, to show him how to "fight like a Dwarf lord". All the Dwarves are just as shook as the elves, minus Kili and Fili, who knew Thorin as Uncle Thorin and are completely unsurprised that he is so wonderful with little Estel.

Lindir and Elrond find a content python snoozing in Elrond's study. Lindir and Elrond are both utterly and irrationally terrified of snakes. After much screaming and climbing on sofas, every member of staff swears Estel had been in his mother's quarters all day. Nobody thinks to mention that they saw Bilbo and Thorin hanging about outside the study, because what relevance could that possibly have?

When the company left Rivendell, Estel was understandably quite unhappy because he'd miss them, also they were going to see a dragon, and he begged to go with them. Thorin does what most parents do before going on a trip, and promises to bring him a present from the dragon's lair when they returned.

Bilbo returns without Thorin, but with the promised present for Estel. He visits the boy in his quarters and they hold each other and share their grief. Bilbo then shows him the present. He explains how Thorin wanted to give him something more substantial than a golden cup scraped off the floor of a dragon's lair — he had told Bilbo, the night before the battle, to give the boy Thorin's own solid gold wristband.

On the same return trip, Elrond expressed his condolences over Thorin's death, and enquired if there were other casualties. When he finds out that Kili and Fili had also died in the battle, a strange, terrible expression twisted across his face and he said, almost reflexively, both? both together? good. that's good. The remaining Dwarves and Bilbo were all stunned, thinking it was Elvish apathy at best, and deliberate disrespect at worst. After all, they had no reason to know that Elrond, like his immortal brethren, found it somewhat difficult to gauge the ages of mortal beings — and had thought the two late brothers were twins.

Decades later on the night before the Fellowship were set to depart, the elderly Bilbo Baggins found it hard to sleep from worry, and wandered onto the balcony, and saw a lone man practicing sword moves in the courtyard. He realises both man and combat style seem faintly familiar, like the heavy striding and swinging and slashing are the steps to an old dance he once used to know, which now lives in a deep, forgotten place within him, under layers of unravelling memories. He can't quite put his finger on it. But there is a strange comfort in the sight, so soothing Bilbo's eyes start to close, falling asleep curled up right there on the balcony. He slips off into a wonderful old dream, lulled by the rhythm of fallen leaves crunching in the courtyard — where Aragorn "fights like a dwarf", solid gold wristband twinkling under the light of the stars.

[pretend-i-don-t-exist]

hm more heavenly demon!sy thoughts,,, i am invested

the system had an error bc sj's body and soul are still very much together bc he hasn't even experienced a single qi deviation yet, so it tries to find a good substitute to throw sy's soul in

when it can't find any, it decides to make a body that sy is most familiar with (it should be a human, but the system was impressed by sy's very passionate rants about lbh's heavenly demon abilities) so boom. heavenly demon sy

he wakes up in the endless abyss. the system has to hibernate bc the body has taken too much of its power so: here is sy, with an almost invincible body, alone in the endless abyss. oh, and he doesn't know about his heritage. all he knows is that he's in the abyss of pidw

ofc sy immediately geeks out over the demonic beasts and all the plants!!! look he could never visualize what a wyrm-mule looks like or how a porcupine-quail could possibly work, and now he gets to see them! irl!!

well not irl exactly, but if this isn't a very weird dream and he's really transmigrated into some background npc, then it's all well and good. his knowledge of the endless abyss should be enough to keep him safe

he does get very weird urges tho like wdym he's suddenly not squeamish with blood?? why is tearing off his arm now a good strategy to get out of the jaw of a black moon python rhinoceros??? sure his body weirdly could regenerate (tested and proven when he keeps tripping over roots that just keep popping up in his way somehow) but he should be a bit more against that, right?

he also gets the urge to bare his teeth when aggressive beasts crowd around him. his teeth are suspiciously pointy when he feels them, and somehow, the beasts are... intimidated? just like that? when he snarls at them. things also bend to his will for some reason? he was irritated with a swamp (he does not want to wade through that), and then the next time he looks back at it, it's gone???

the demons he came across are very polite, too. completely unlike his expectations. sy thinks he's lucky to meet civilized demons with human-like mannerisms, and does not notice that they're batshit terrified of this one heavenly demon conspiciously leaking out so much demonic qi that it's a miracle he hasn't passed out (which is even more scary bc that is a heck ton of qi)

then because sy is sy, he wifebeams the terrified demons. he talks so animatedly with them, asking questions about their customs without judgment! his smile is so pretty and charming! even in his dirty clothing and unkempt hair, he still looks like a beauty!

then sy takes a bath when he arrives at the demons' village and takes offer to wash up, notices his reflection, and promptly freaks out

is he tlj??? no, tlj does not look like this in pidw's official art, but demons can shapeshift, right? has he messed up the plot??? what date is it even?? is lbh even born yet?? is he lbh's grandfather?????

the demons are rightfully frightened but also worried when sy accidentally destroys a wall of the bath in his haste to get out and get some answers. luckily, this is the demon realm, or his tendency to wear only inner robes will be heavily scrutinized!

sy then plans to get into the human realm (he knows of a few ways) to change the plot! he can't possibly leave lbh to suffer like in pidw if he has the ability to change it...

except lbh is not even born yet.

he does meet tlj, and woooo the demon is so chill and has an entire library full of the worst novels sy has ever read in his entire life (still better than pidw). tlj seems like a sweetheart, how could he possibly wage a war against the human realm that led to his imprisonment? smth is fishy here!

(behind him, tlj kills an entire horde of demons for daring to plan to capture sy. sy is now his little brother. sy does not have the choice of refusing)

and so they travel to the human realm together. tlj immediately fucks off to the nearest bookstore, and sy would have loved to follow him except he has Seen the Plot. then he's suddenly trying to pass off as a wandering cultivator that forgot most of the human customs (very suspicious) bc he's spent most of the time researching plants and animals (ok, his infodumps make that believable) in front of cang qiong cultivators

and then cang qiong offers him to become a teacher in the beast taming peak bc why not (they heard of rumors of a kind wandering cultivator with incredibly accurate portrayals and info about demonic beasts, and also sy is acting Very Sus so they kinda want to keep an eye on him)

(tlj is laughing at him so hard he dislocates a shoulder)

look i just want sy to have the time of his life exploring the endless abyss without the system or the plot breathing down his neck and then i want to throw him into the most stressful situations of his life (coexisting with the disciple versions of the peak lords, and also not getting himself killed for being a heavenly demon, and also tlj's steadily increasing panic on how to court a cold human cultivator who could bodyslam him and throw him over her shoulder and walk off to the sunset)

[thesuetyouforgot]

Lmao this is what happens when you wake up in the middle of the night to write down that amazing dream you just had

[bisclavret]

arthurian cinema: a vibe collection

my rule of thumb when it comes to watching movies is "must a movie be 'good'? is it not enough for it to have a bit of a weird/trippy/artsy/horny/allegorical/gay vibe?" and thank god for that because arthurian cinema has this sort of vibe in spades! so here's an assortment of some arthurian films i've seen + a reason or two why they passed my nebulous yet specific vibe check:

lancelot du lac 1974 is my #1 forever for the doomed repressed symbolism-soaked post-grail pre-camlann so-rigid-it's-camp atmosphere and the interpersonal dynamics between lancelot guinevere and gauvain the likes of which i haven't seen anywhere else outside of the texts

tristan et iseult 1972 is really just avant-garde performance art + the surviving copy is really rank which adds a je ne sais quoi... and congrats to tristan on his top surgery!

morgane et ses nymphes for the "my lesbian roadtrip led me to morgan le fay's realm and now she's obsessed with me" plot and the dreamy hazy eurotrash energies

perceval le gallois 1978 has such kitschy surrealist teletubbies-esque visuals that it has nearly defeated me. i still haven't finished it. it's rare that a film feels like an assault on my eyeballs and yet i am compelled and i cannot look away

sir gawain and the green knight 2002 is a strangely horny stained glass animation that will give you motion sickness while saying bi rights over and over and over. it feels like a religious sunday cartoon. it won a bafta

the buried giant – a beautifully atmospheric novel in its own right – is getting adapted into a stop motion film soon! i already know it will earn a spot on this list so consider this a place-holder

the green knight 2021 for the giants scene (and the 360-degree sequence of a tied-up gawain Losing The Game)

a knight's tale entirely because they dance to bowie's golden years

knightriders for the most charming merlin design i've ever seen and also for the whole knights jousting on motorbikes concept

monty python and the holy grail for just about everything but above all else the bit where they're animated and then the animator abruptly dies of a heart attack and then they stop being animated

excalibur 1981 for everything as well but i cannot overstate the effect lancelot's dream where he wrestles his armor and homoerotically un-stabs himself had on me. i will never shut up about it

king arthur: legend of the sword just kidding i haven't seen this nor do i intend to. i'm just enamored with this 2-second shot of a tree girl and her tree titties and i think that everyone should witness her

[whereserpentswalk]

Every ten years, some of the most powerful beings in the multiverse bet on the life of an average human.

They've been doing it since humans evolved sentience, it's become tradition at this point. Azarath angel of war and fire. Opheria high lady of the autumn fae. Eoauiioaie old one of dreams and eater of planets. Drehn the dragon at the edge of time. Kalhesh demon of the unbreakable chain. Haramare the parasite that eats the bodies of dead universes. And many others, some of whom I can't even describe here, all gather to make their bets.

They pick a human by rolling millions of dice until they find someone who matches the DNA sequence generated. Then they'll begin to watch them, watch their little moves, their daily tasks, their relationships, everything about them. And they'll start making bets, on little things at the start of the year, on what they'll have for breakfast. On if they'll make the train on time. On what dreams they'll have when they sleep. But as time extends they start getting more and more invested, and they'll bet on the big things, if they'll ask out their crush, if they'll get that promotion, in some dark circumstances if they'll die.

There are only two rules. Nobody can use their powers to effect the person's life. And the human in question cannot be aware of extra dimensional being. The person is just living their normal life, and they're observing, seeing with baited breath what will happen, not knowing.

It's 2022, they're betting on a university student living in Tokyo. She's been burnt out for days, everyone is waiting intently to see if she finishes her papers in time. The multiverse cheers when she does. She passes all of her classes, does well, though feels the pain of a few sleepless nights. Despite her worst fears and insecurities she's quite intelligent, and all her paranoias prove to be illusions of the mind.

It's 2012, they're betting on a teenager living in the Midwestern US. They're considering coming out to their parents but they don't at the last momment. Some cheer because they remained safe and weren't hurt by their father. Some weep because they've waited even longer to come out now. They're still in the closest when they stop being followed on New Years Eve, their parents never accept them, they end up moving to Chicago for college and cutting off contact years after the contest ends.

It's 2002, they're better on a hunter living in the forests on South America, one of the few people left on the earth not to know of the colonizers and the empires of the west, though he's still felt their effects. He's almost ambushed by a python, everyone waits with baited breath hoping he survives. By all luck he does and the multiverse cheers. He'll die a few days after the contest ends, meeting a westerner for the first time, and meeting a western bullet for the first time, as he was considered to be "trespassing" on a private farm.

It's 1992, they're betting on an elderly man living in the suburbs of St. Petersburg, he comes home one night to find out that his beloved cat has died. He weeps and the multiverse weeps with him. Nobody could have known the cat was in danger, so no bets were made on her, but everyone weeps anyway, it is November, and the multiverse knew her well. Throughout halls of civilizations the old man will never know the cat is mourned, entities from countless worlds wishing things could have gone differently.

The contest is always broadcast to the entire multiverse. The faeries, and the old ones, and the demons and the angels, and all other manner of creature, always know. The ones making the bets always root for their predictions to come true, but those who are always watching tend to hope for the best outcome. They become so invested in everyone's lives, hoping everything is ok for them, loving the people they watch in a way those being watched will never truly know.

They say it's to keep them humble. So that the faeries, and the angels, and the dragons, and the elder horrors will all know in a way what it's like to be human, and know to care for those so much less powerful then them.

[elancholia]

What I love about this article is its perfect comedic rhythm. It sounds exactly like something from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Like, this could be an excerpt from the Encyclopedia Galactica. The little punch lines rounding out each paragraph..."he has been credited with the invention of the palindrome." Or Monty Python. Stabbing at the platonic ideal of Some Greek Guy You've Never Heard Of.

What really rounds it out is the burst of extreme and unusual cruelty that finishes his life. "For this, Sotades was imprisoned, but he escaped to the city of Caunus, where he was afterwards captured by the admiral Patroclus, shut up in a leaden chest, and thrown into the sea." "2000 years after a man was nailed to a piece of wood for suggesting that people should be nice to each other..."

And the little cherry on top, where some guy, some caricatureish artifact of the callous and absurd process of human history, comes along and names a racist biogeographical explanation for pederasty after him, out of all the infinite possible candidates, for absolutely no discernible reason — that last unasked-for and unanswerable injustice. This article, possibly more than any other I've seen, realizes the dream of Wikipedia. The future is finally here.

[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

Pairing: Bucky x f!reader

Word count : 2.4k

Warnings: smut

It was rare for you to fall asleep like this, in a tangled mess of limbs. Bucky was a furnace, emanating heat from every inch of his body which often left you feeling too uncomfortable to sleep. It had taken a long time for Bucky to let his guard down when he came to sleep. The dreams that plagued his unconscious form left him in a heightened state of anxiety and he worried how it might affect you. He hadn't quite found the words to express how much he cared about you, afraid of the frailty of life and the fleeting nature of love.

He enjoyed intimacy but he very much appreciated his space in bed, occasionally slipping away to sleep on the floor. So you felt very much surprised to find him spooning your back, his arm draped across your torso and one of his legs hooked between your thighs.

It was 3am and you weren't sure what had woken you, but you supposed it was the almost suffocating grip your boyfriend had around your chest. For several moments, you lay still, contemplating the best way to extricate yourself from his grasp without waking him. An answer came in the form of your name, mumbled in your ear almost incoherently by Bucky.

Turning to face him, you whispered back to him. "Buck?"

No answer. Except for a few deep breaths which puffed warm air across your face, there was silence.

Had you imagined it?

You turned away, wriggling like a mouse trying to free itself from a python's hold. Bucky groaned and you froze, breath held anxiously until you were confident that he was still in a state of slumber. You were stuck. It was hardly something to complain about, being cradled in the arms of a man who was enchanted by your very being.

The clock in your room ticked away faithfully, intermingled with the sounds of the rise and fall of Bucky’s chest. You closed your eyes, starting to drift off to the melody of your bed chamber.

Another loud groan from Bucky made your eyes fly open. Was he sick? In pain? You twisted around to peer at his face in the dark. In a futile attempt, you reached out to find your glasses, but they were miles from your reach.

"Buck?" you called softly, squinting at his face through the darkness. The lines of his face were mildly lit by the moonlight which crept through a crack in the blinds and as your eyes adjusted to the night you found a softness in his features which only came with sleep.

As you stared, his lips parted gently and uttered your name in a breathy moan. He was dreaming. Of you. For a second he stirred, only to tighten his grasp and pull closer towards you. It was only then that you noticed that he was more alert than you'd originally suspected.

It wasn't just his leg you could feel pushed against your thigh. Your sleeping super soldier had an undeniable hard on. You smirked, that must be some dream he was having!

You waited, wondering whether to wake him or not. But as time ticked on, the sizable tent in his boxers was not diminishing, in fact, his erection was swelling and pushing against your ass. Even in his sleep, Bucky muttered quietly, mostly things you couldn't make out, but one phrase caught your attention. "I want you." 

The lust in his words, still thick with sleep, filled you with a sudden and carnal urge. It lit a fire in the depths of your loins and made you hum in appreciation. Losing yourself in the moment you pushed back against his cock making Bucky's chest flutter and he exhaled a shuddering breath.

Your desire to hear your boyfriend make more of those salacious sounds was overwhelming, but a voice deep down inside you was telling you to tread carefully. Bucky wasn't awake, and even though his body was responding to his thoughts, you felt you had no right to administer any pleasure without his knowing consent.

"Buck," you turned your head towards your slumbering husband. "Hey handsome, rise and shine." You chuckled softly at your own words, Bucky was already halfway there.

He moaned protestingly, he had never been good at the shining part. Your hundred year old grumpus was definitely a night owl, so it was almost a blessing that the sun hadn't risen.

"Buck, Bucky," you breathed his name onto his lips, hoping to wake him gently. "Wake up, I want you to fuck me."

Bucky’s eyelids fluttered slightly in response to your words. You smirked at what was needed to get his attention. "Babe please, I want you inside me."

"What did you say, doll?" he slurred sleepily.

"Hi," you whispered, smiling as he opened his eyes and met your gaze.

"Hi," he answered, marveling at your beauty. Even in the middle of the night you looked like an angel to him, an angel that had fallen into his arms. "You look stunning."

"Thank you."

"I was dreaming about you."

You laughed, "oh, I don't doubt that."

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at your reaction of mirth. "What's so funny?"

"You were dreaming of me, that was abundantly clear."

"Oh? What makes you so sure?"

"I'm pretty sure this," you took the hand that was cradling your chest and guided it to his erection, "gives the game away."

Bucky's expression quickly turned to horror and he pulled away from the embrace. "Oh God, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Woah, Buck, it's fine."

"It's not fine."

"Isn't that for me to decide?"

Your boyfriend looked at you, you certainly had a way of winning an argument. "I'll just go cool off."

"Well, I'd rather you didn't." You put a hand on his arm as he attempted to untangle himself from you. 

Bucky stopped in his tracks, one leg was already hanging off the bed as he tried to escape to the bathroom. He turned back to face you. "What?"

"Get back in bed, Bucky."

He looked at you with uncertainty.

"Please, babe. Take off your pants."

Bucky felt his cock twitch at your words.

"Help me?"

"Help you? Don't make me get out of this bed Buck. Just take off your boxers and get back in. We're losing heat."

"We?"

"Yeah, get back in here and I'll show you how hot I actually am."

Bucky chuckled, "I'm intimately familiar with how hot you are, doll."

"I still think you need a little refresher," you waved him under the duvet in the darkness. "Touch me."

Bucky wrapped his arm around your waist in response to your request for him to touch you.

"Kiss me."

His lips were on your neck, kissing, sucking, tasting that sweet unique blend that made you so appealing and aroused him so.

Every nip he made at your neck, every stroke his fingers made over your abdomen stoked the fire in loins. He slipped under your shirt, raking his fingers across your bare flesh up towards your unbound breasts.

You pushed your back against his chest, against his now throbbing member. "Here, Bucky," you reveled in the way that he massaged your breast.

Lost in the moment you closed your eyes, taking in everything you could feel. Your boyfriend was now propped up on his elbow, his chin resting on your shoulder. Every now and then his nose would graze your jawline and the stubble on his chin tickled your skin. His breath was hot and heavy and each one felt like a billow, stoking the desire inside you.

"Yes, Bucky," you murmured, pressing your hand on his. "Here."

Since Bucky was behind you, you both faced the same direction and couldn't meet his eyes, you knew he was craving something more from the way his breath had become more haggard.

"I thought I'd told you to get rid of those pants?" you scolded as Bucky thrusted his hips against your backside, erection still clothed. You turned your head to face him, taking your hand off his and running it over his leg. It was almost as though the tiny hairs on his thigh rose along the lines you traced with your fingers.

Gently, you tugged at the elasticated waistline of his boxers and Bucky shivered in anticipation. You tried to pull them down but you couldn't quite manage at the awkward angle.

"Bucky, help a girl out."

Behind you, Bucky smirked. He removed his hand from your bosom and slipped it between your legs, pushing down hard on your scantily clad pussy.

"BUCK!" Caught unawares, your eyes flew open and you gasped with pleasure.

"Enough help for you, doll?" he whispered smugly in your ear.

You shivered, desire penetrating your core by the pressure he was applying, massaging your folds gently, every now and then breaking through to lightly graze your clit. It wreaked havoc with your senses, the teasing, the anticipation, the tiny taste of what he had to offer you, but keeping the real feast just out of reach. You were desperate, filled with a carnal lust that made your juices flow freely soaking the silken cloth that kept him from you.

"I want you," you mumbled incoherently.

"What was that?" Bucky feigned deafness.

"I want you to fuck me," you forced yourself to enunciate.

"Doll, when did you get so confident about telling me what you want?" Bucky asked conversationally, as though you were having a casual chat, hand still caressing your crotch. "I had no idea how desperate you were."

"Clearly not quite enough for you to get your pants off though."

Bucky laughed, you loved the sound. "Eager. I like it."

He hoisted his hips off the bed and awkwardly used his free hand to push down his pants.

"Need a little help there, soldier?"

You hooked your thumb into one corner of the elastic band around his waist and tugged as Bucky did the same thing on the other side, successfully freeing his fully erect member.

Seeing him like this, engorged, veins throbbing, tip glistening made your mouth water. There was nothing you enjoyed more than looking up at your boyfriend and watching him come undone. But tonight you were feeling impatient, you didn't want him to waste time, teasing him with your lips, you wanted him pushing, pulsing inside you. Every second he wasn't thrusting into you was a second wasted. 

Twisting your arm around Bucky's, which was still securely clamped on your clit, you reached under him to give him a few strokes before leading him towards your aching center.

"Oh God, doll, I-ahhh!"

"I want you, Bucky. Now!" You didn't care how desperate you sounded.

"Show me," he growled in your ear. "Show me how much you want this." Bucky's cock was pressed up against your ass, he was grinding against you at the same intoxicating pace at which he ran his fingers back and forth over your already quivering clit.

You lifted your top leg, moaning wantonly as Bucky used the opportunity to slip his fingers under your panties. Unadulterated access to your leaking core. Once your leg was hooked around Bucky's thigh, you guided him inside you, reveling in the initial stretch as he pushed apart your glossy walls. He pushed into the hilt before holding still, willing himself not to come undone with just one thrust. He used the opportunity to pepper small kisses on your bare shoulder. 

"I love how you fill me up, Buck."

Bucky was murmuring in your ear, words you couldn't quite make out because you were so lost in the way his cock was pushing into you. "I want to be with you forever."

Forever didn't seem long enough to you in that moment, you wanted nothing more than to be lost in each other's bliss for eternity. Slowly at first, Bucky moved in and out, rolling his hips expertly, knowing exactly how to make you unravel at the seams. Each time his hips slapped against your ass it felt like he was pushing the air right out of your lungs and the pressure building inside of you was almost suffocating.

His lips ghosted your neck and ear, erratic breaths felt hot and heavy on your cheek. His tip swept across your sweet spot, slow and steady and you could feel the pressure building inside you, like a volcano ready to erupt.

"Buck-" you continued to whimper, barely able to articulate anything of meaning. But Bucky understood exactly what you meant.

He propped himself up with his free arm, changing the angle at which he plunged into you, deeper, faster, harder, making you twist and writhe in ecstasy. Bucky's hand was still pressed on your clit, but he had long since given up on any methodical administration, not that it mattered, every thrust of his cock made his hand slide across your nub. It was haphazard and completely unmethodical and felt incredible.

"I want to come, Buck!"

"Look at me, doll," Bucky whispered in your ear. "Come on beautiful. I want to see you."

"Come with me, Buck!" you choked out, turning your head as far back as you could. Your nails dug into his arms as you craned your head in your boyfriend's direction.

You couldn't see him, because your orgasm forced your eyes shut. Try as you might, you had never mastered the skill of keeping your eyes open when you came. Your bodies shook with pleasure and you desperately tried to face Bucky. You we're doing really well until he collapsed on your back, face falling into the crook of your neck.

"Oof," your remaining breath was forced from your lungs as Bucky's full weight crushed you.

"S-ry," a muffled sound emerged from behind you.

"Post orgasm suffocation isn't ideal, babe."

Bucky groaned with effort as he pushed himself away with one arm, extracting himself from your center. He lay back on his pillow and chuckled contentedly. "You're still breathing there, doll?"

"Barely."

"You ok?" His face was laced with sudden concern.

"Oh I'm more than ok. Just give me a minute to get the feeling back in my extremities."

"I'll be here when you're ready."

You lay face first on your pillow, soaking in the post orgasmic euphoria of your nocturnal activities. After a few minutes of laying in the dark in silence, you rolled over to see how your boyfriend was doing.

"Buck?"

Silence.

"Hey, Bucky!"

You were answered with a loud snore.

"That good, huh?" you said bemusedly at your boyfriend's slumbering form before pulling the duvet up to his chin. "Sweet dreams, babe."

[jandthecrow]

The Snake

Simon Ghost Riley x reader

SUMMARY: Morning after cracking a few open with the boys you wake up not alone in bed

CW: fluff, in love Simon (unbeknownst to reader), fem!reader, caring!simonriley, gentle!simonriley, smut?, nakedness

Sweet dreams of the library fade as you wake, the soft crinkling of books and the smell of worn leather leaving your senses. Light spills from the curtains, a dark grey heavy cloth. The sheets around you are warm, dark maroon and soft worn down cotton.

It takes you a moment to stir, your head pounding and body aching, you don’t even remember much of last night. Only cracking a few open with the team, laughing at Gaz’s jokes while Soap ticked off Ghost. Price silently watching the encounters while you all drank after a successful mission. After that it’s all a blur of laughter and pure happiness then nothing.

You roll over in your sheets, body heavy and tired. A hangover sitting in the back of your skull, deep throbbing pain but nothing some Ibuprofen and a glass of liquid IV can’t fix. You catch sight of someone’s back as you roll over, wide and muscular, bearing red scratches and light bruises where nails dug into the skin hard. Scars trace down his left shoulder, jagged and unsteady, probably from some sort of combat knife.

Racking your brain of last night, trying to figure out who is in your bed? Who had the pleasure of fucking you and staying the full night? Instead of being kicked out about a hour after, like you usually did with one night stands.

With a sigh you sit up and put your legs over the side of your bed, pain shoots up your core. A sure sign you had a good time last night, hickeys cover your lower stomach and inner thighs. You don’t look for more, not wanting to try and rack your brain for something you couldn’t remember happening.

As you massage your stiff shoulders, you feel the sheets shift and mattress dip slightly. *The mysterious guest must be waking.* you think to yourself. You look back and furrow your eyebrows a little thinking your mind must be playing tricks on you, cause there is no way Simon Riley is in bed with you… naked and looking just as confused as you are as you stare at each other.

A beat of silence passes, two, three, five, a minute. You just stare at each other shocked and confused and speechless. His chest is worse this his back, deep purple hickeys line his collarbones, a bite mark on his shoulder that is red and raised but the skin not broken. Hickeys trail up his neck, smudged lipstick stain his skin from his face to his stomach, as low as you bring yourself to look with his gaze on you.

Simon POV quick switch

He watches you as you watch him, he rubs his mouth and chin, taking note of the hickeys that line your neck and breasts. Light bruises on your hips, your front still turned away as your upper body is turned to look back at him. Simon can’t see any more signs of whatever you guys did last night but it was apparently intense.

He studies you still, taking note of your body. Plush thighs and slight rolls on your stomach, most of your body made of muscle from the intense military training while stubborn fat clings. Your breasts aren’t too small but aren’t too big, average sized you usually think when you see your naked body - perfect in his eyes. Tattoos litter your skin, and unsurprisingly the skeleton snake tattoo he always saw in training when your shirt rode up. The tattoo starts from your right lower thigh and goes up your leg, the head of the python on your stomach only a few inches right from your belly button. He looks back to your neck trying to keep some form of privacy even when you both are as naked as the day you came into this world.

Simon feels a slight sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he realizes that your relationship will no longer be a simple camaraderie anymore. He searches his mind for any memory of last night but only comes up with drinking more than he should’ve at the hangout and little flashes of intense pleasure and moaning from either him or you, he can’t tell.

Simon mentally kicks himself and his eyes wander around your room on base. Deep maroon cotton sheets, and two matching oak side tables next to the bed. Black heavy curtains blocking out the almost blinding morning light. Two dressers against the far wall near the door. The bed on the other side of the room is bare, you have no assigned roommate. Besides that little tells him about you, only a pair of shark slippers and a bathrobe hanging on your open bathroom door. It has a little dinosaur stitched into it over the heart. A dinosaur he doesn’t recognize like you would a t-Rex or stegosaurus. Meaning you probably have a great interest in paleontology.

Clothes are strewn over the floor, his and your own. His clothes are nearest the door while yours are only near the bed, you were more eager than him or he was more passionate. Simon runs his hand through his hair and clears his throat. “Well good morning.” He mumbles more to himself than you.

POV switches back

As he speaks you feel a wave of calm and slight annoyance, something that isn’t familiar to you. You’re known for your discipline and honesty but not your lack of self control that his body clearly shows. You nod back silently turning your back to him again and continuing to massage your shoulders. You feel his eyes on you.

“You remember last night?” Simon asks slowly and quietly.

“No, you?” You mumble as you work a kink out of your left shoulder

“Nothing, only a lot of drinking.”

It’s silent after that, the sound of fabric and the clink of his belt fill the room as he gets dressed. He sits back down as he slides his socks and boots on, tying them up tightly.

After a few beats of silence he gets up heading to the door and slips out of the room. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. A twinge of annoyance and loneliness bleeds through your heart. You push it away standing up and collecting your clothes. Your clothes are more neat than his, seemingly having fallen off the bed instead of being thrown off. Tossing them in the dirty clothes bin you head to shower.

Turning on the light of the bathroom you barely look at your reflection as you start the shower turning the water to hot. You step in feeling the comforting warmth of the water pelting your skin. Pouring shampoo in your hands, you lather it up until it bubbles and massage it into your scalp.

A few minutes into your shower routine, your bedroom door opens and you startle. Your bathroom door is left wide open, leaving whoever just entered your room the option to enter. Heavy boots sound against your bedroom floor, and the smell of food and coffee fill your senses. The heavy boots walk over to the open bathroom door and you peek out behind the curtain, it’s Simon. He knocks on the door looking at something in your room not noticing you already see him. “Lass, got us some food.”

You pull your head back into the shower, and sigh finishing scrubbing your arms. “Ok” is all you say before he walks away and sits somewhere in your room. You turn the water off and towel dry, you wrap it around yourself and close the bathroom door for privacy.

A few minutes later you leave the bathroom wearing a new set of clothes. A black long sleeved shirt and black sweatpants, a dinosaur stitched in over the heart - a different one than your robe. The sweatpants have a matching dinosaur stitched in over the left hip, you wear black ankle socks and your shark slippers. Glancing around your room you notice he’s changed your bed sheets into black ones. The maroon sheets sit in the dirty bin, Simon has the curtains open as he sits on the ground in clean clothes. He doesn’t glance up as you walk over and sit across from him, he pushes a to-go box in front of you as he eats out of his.

The food is good as you both eat in silence, not looking at each other. Not speaking or moving, the atmosphere is relaxed but a little awkward. You clear your throat “Thanks”.

Simon nods and you feel the need to fill the silence. “Thought you weren’t gonna come back, surprised me when you came back with breakfast” you say as you bite into a pancake.

“Why’d ya think that?” Simon mumbles.

You pause for a moment thinking if he’s really that dense. “Ya left without saying anything, so I figured- ya know.”

He nods and glances up. “Woulda been rude to leave a lady hungry after sleeping with ‘er.”

“Yeah I guess. Speaking of: you can forget about it, a drunken mistake happens every once a while.” You say finishing up your pancakes.

When you say that he just looks at you for a moment, his face twisting slightly in an emotion you don’t recognize on him, due to the lack of never seeing his face before this. “What if I did’n want’a forget this?”

That makes you pause and look back up at him from your food. He just stares back silently waiting for your response.

“Guess I can’t tell a grown man what to do” you say back still looking at him a bit confused at his seemingly sudden interest in you.

But in all reality if you would’ve paid more attention to your surroundings, you would’ve noticed that he’s always been interested in you. Watching out for you on missions and making sure you take care of yourself. Making sure to get you breakfast on mornings you’re too busy to eat. You seem to lack the awareness when someone is interested in you. One of the qualities that make him feel warm and fuzzy when he thinks of you.

He holds his hand out for yours, you place yours in his hesitantly, he brings it to his mouth. Giving each of your knuckles a kiss.

“Guess you’re stuck with me lass.”