#dragging my hands down my face now
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Three streamers I follow decided to stream at all one time today, and I stop listening to one of those streams for TWO MINUTES and they start talking about grain-free dog diets (I’m watching the vod) just ahhhhhhhh
#smh can't leave things alone for two minutes#unless your dog has a very particular allergy (that is not super common despite what everyone claims)#grain-free is worse than normal commercial foods#check out the links between grain-free and cardiomyopathy in dogs#also always aim for foods that meet aafco or wsava standards#dragging my hands down my face now#dog food#dogs#animals#excuse my while i scream into the void#yet again
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me literally any time meg is so much as mentioned in lore rekindled
#txt.#forget about ragging on lo this is a pro lore rekindled blog now#drags hands down my face the art is so GOOOD AAAHHH
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wondering Why im in such a bitchy lil mood only to check my Devils Week calendar and go ah. the pmdd strikes,
#jackals barks#specifically tho there's a couple callout posts on a user and like#a lot of ppl in the tags are more worried about them being a prshipper instead of yknow. *a self identified pedo??*#out of the two of those One Is *Infinitely* More Worrying In The Grander Scheme#inb4 oh so ur fine with- do not. put words in my mouth. it's an instant block if you do#also edit how this relates to pmdd usually it would be a drags my hands down my face Used To It moment#now its a 'i wanna start shit. swing some bats' moment. but i Shant hf
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#𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 ⠀⠀(⠀ⅰ.⠀)⠀⠀𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑:⠀⠀ಇ⠀⠀oh-kae!#cw negative#tw negative#cw vent#tw vent#tagging this for people who don't want this kind of negative content on their feeds!#remember to protect urself first.#and i'll keep this super vague not to be like . . dramatic? but just because i only need to get this off my chest.#but i need to vent so badly because i'm reaching a breaking point. i can /feel/ the anxiety building up in my throat.#i've been 10000 % vibing on my own and really comfy here! i've been loud n' proud about that.#but ever since i've been active here it feels like old issues are rising up and it feels like borderline harrassment.#like. under the radar.#i know this isn't anything anyone is going to have noticed or seen or anything.#but talking with friends who do notice and stuff. i just hit a bad point all of a sudden.#i'm not going to openly talk about problems here on the dash of course.#but drags my hands down my face. i just want to do my own thing man.#i have more time to be here now that school is done for a couple months & i just wanna enjoy it to the fullest hah#i'm finally back into enjoying ahri the way i used to!#but. i dunno. i might bury my head into my inbox & retreat into some video games or something.#i don't really need reassurance or affirmations because this isn't a pity post or anything.#i feel validated by the amazing friends and interactions i get here as is! so thank you to all of you. seriously. ily#but good lord.#i dunno i just wanted to vent and i will delete this later.
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gnashing my teeth rn
snarling and biting at people that rip off other peoples oc's characterisations and backstories, it costs $0.00 to come up with your own concepts and you get the bonus of not shitting on other people and being able to exercise your own creativity. there is so much of it in the rpc and i have seen it happen to friends and had it happen to myself, like just stop swinging off of others coat tails because we put heart and soul into these characters not just for someone to come along and think that looks fun and go yoink :) i just
#;; ooc.#;; venting.#will people in the rpc chill the fuck out#if you want inspiration turn to media not to other peoples characters it's not hard#like yes there are common concepts out there and you can coincidentally cross lines with people#but there's a point where it's obvious and people start to notice lmao#i used to be way more open on tumblr but now when i encounter a character that's similar to drath i tend to swerve#because i just dont want repeats#which sucks because i LOVE these kinds of characters but after that experience it just makes me 🫠#and then seeing it happen to friends makes my blood boil#there is something so insidious about it tbh#and you know theyre the ones that will also just take someones art and use it without permission or credit too lmao#i just *drags my hands down my face* it's free to not be a dickhead and so much easier#also this isnt at anyone here these folks have been long since blocked im just 😬👍
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me @ me : should i play s.tar r.ail again .........
#❀ ⊹ ⁺ ₊ ˚ ⸝⸝ 𝐟𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲〘 ooc 〙.#i uninstalled h.sr because my phone couldn't handle more g.acha#never mind the fact that i'm still catching up on g.enshin and i'm playing w.uwa now too#so idk if i can handle h.sr again but#i always thought the story was good#and maybe it's nostalgic j.rpgs but i actually do enjoy turn based combat#( AND I THINK F.U X.UAN IS PRETTY )#WHEEZES#and drags hands down face#WE'LL SEE
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the most embarrassing part of working at the library is that I can't technically check out my books myself and I have to have someone else do it for me which means I have to embarrassingly spell out my deadname to each one of my coworkers that does it
#val.txt#they only know me as rhys but now they know my deadname too ig!! already havin to drag my hands down my face internally when i get she/her'd
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#genshin#chongyun#xingqiu#WHY THEY SO CUTE???? how is this my life now???#drags hands down face#someone please help
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maybe if I leave this laptop purchase tab open long enough it'll buy itself
#i have the money. i can afford it. this computer is giving me nothing but grief.#the sound still doesn't work and now the usb ports less one are also not working#it still sometimes goes to sleep and then just won't wake up so i have to restart it#i have taken it to three different computer repair places#and yet. i just can't make myself do it#drags hands down face#important text posts#this is my real life
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i finally get out of art block hell just in time to have to fill out very important, extensive paperwork for something!! GRAAAHHHH!!!! productivity game save me. save me productivity game. i need to work on my f/o art Right NEOW!!!!!!!
#i keep opening my ipad and doing the grinch smile. drags hands down face.#and really honing in on his body type makes me want to redo older art as well KJANSDKJN.#like i'm debating redoing the face-in-chest art bc 1) my colors were so dull back then (backlight + dark theme issues)#and 2) he actually has a chest now LMAO ;;;#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]
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5 am ...
#this is a RANT ok im tired#i adore seeing young ppl grow their talents and enjoy themselves a safe & fun place they create for themselves#i 100% support them b u t#being surrounded by toddlers in this fandom is driving me nuts fr#im the type of person who likes browsing for fanarts of characters in the tags its like tiktok to me so naturally i check the shou tag often#and idk why or when it has happened but minors are everywhere and their hivemind is ruining it for me cuz the extreme lack of literacy#this is me asking for too much I KNOW but it's just frustrating ok ? ok. i just want to see these characters in good interesting concepts#instead the fandom makes it sound like the mp100 anime is some sort of Saturday cartoon for kids that plays as background noise#as they eat cereals#drags my hands down my face#ok im done i go sleep now gn ( gm ? )#𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 ; ooc.
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why do i keep getting energy and mood crashes these past few days auugghh 😭😭 (<-, they ask, knowing full well they have not given themself a day of rest in two weeks and continuously push themself to do more cleaning than they have energy for)
#i just want things to be clean dhdjfkd im so tired of the mess everywhere#i think i am also rebelling against the fatigue bc im so frustrated w how little i can do in a day 😭#theres so much stress fjfkdl but i keep doing too many things and ending up exhausted and near tears so thats. probably not good fjfkdl#I need to rest but theres so much that Needs to be done along w everything i Want to do fjfkdl#dragging my hands down my face and grumbling dnfkdl this is . urgghh. alas! what can u do i guess djfkdl#fighting w myself bc on one hand. get everything done in a fit of self destructive tendencies. but things will be done.#on the other hand. do the potentially better thing and get stuff done in moderation with rest. but I'll always be behind on cleaning. hmph#idk fhfjdls pros and cons i suppose! i will stop yelling and grumbling abt it publicly now though djdkdl#vent //
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catching up on the children's adventure and Eursolon's story is eating away at my insides
#N posts stuff#like are you KIDDING ME?#a fae that got trapped in the human realm bc he crossed into their circle and ate their food and Told Them His Name ???#i'm going to lose my Fucking mind#and the way brennan describes this happening. the like stone faced simplicity of 'your hands are dirty again. but Now you recognize it'#GUT WRENCHING MY GUY#even lou narrating that as Ame tries to get Eursolon back up so they can go talk to Wren about it how he stays face down in the mud#and refuses to get up so she just drags him a couple of inches before he steels himself with 'You're not allowed to be out at night#You still need to go home' :((((((#worlds beyond number
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rattling the f1 girlies for manifesting this unto my feed,,
coz now i'm just thinkin about hanako, & how she studied under professor ookido, how she wanted to travel, wanted to be a trainer, the few glimpses we had showed her as a competent battler,,,, but then satoshi's father happened. & any hopes of being a trainer became satoshi's. this is what i mean when i say i take insp from just. the sports world; this is coincidental & i don't like Actively take insp from irl people but like my god do i feel a pat on the back of validation as my shit being Real when i see quotes like this. also taking this moment to yell hey verstappens why are you satoshi n hanako coded--
#i feel normal thank you#no but like i do try hard to make my portrayals feel like real people esp when certain aspects are glossed over in canon#like satoshi & hanako not. really spending a lot of time together & not actually knowing each other as well as they used to#theyre effectively strangers by now but. still family that loves each other & wants the best for the other while also being deeply selfish#but in that like. horseshoe way where it goes back into selflessness#dragging my hands down my face#ooc. pkmn is autistic culture.
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"This extra space next to me belongs to you. I know where I end now. I won't get lost." -- shoot me (metaphorically) and leave me for dead (metaphorically) why won't you. To make this about Dylan and maybe it's about Connor, maybe it's about Brinksy, maybe it's about any journeyman in the NHL. My brain screamed Chris Driedger and his memorable (to me) Players' Tribune article:
And how can you mention Dylan and Zach (Za-ach, the way Dylan says it) without me having a breakdown about them? You simply can't. And for the younger dudes, maybe it's a little Bords/Briss, not yet steady in The Show, a little bit of distance, a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately... and then a blurry insta story in Vegas. Just like old times but somewhere else. Maybe it's not the same bed, maybe it's not the same set of forks, but maybe it's the principle of the thing.
Anyway, goodbye. Sorry for this, your tag walls make me break out in imagined scenarios.
Much love. xxx
please never be sorry for sending me messages <3 i love reading them i love getting them i think they’re beautiful and i love them i’m!!!!! [🥹💕🦋🫧✨💘😭 <- the best approximation of what my heart is doing]
ok NOW i am taking this step by step because every narrative here kicked me straight in the knees (metaphorically) i am w e e p i n g (literally): i knew tangentially about chris driedger going to seattle but i had never read his players’ tribune love letter to seattle & all i can say is oh. oh. and with the part about trains delayed but still being right on time—
sometimes a dream is a truth your heart knows long before you do. the space that the city and the team made for him (“you’d be the only guy on the team”)����️🗣️🗣️ !!! but the way that chris talks about needing to put in the work & leo not letting him quit,,, that’s chris filling up the teakettle with twice as much water, crowding one side of the bed (falling asleep against a bus window dreaming), becoming unburdened by the idea of not being their guy, not having the fallback being their draft pick to content and settle himself with. that’s chris betting on a future. that’s the train coming down the tracks, right on time.
(i am feeling unhinged about it)
SECOND. i know i was the one that said zach and dylan to start so technically i brought this on myself but also i have been ktfo by the mere mention of the way that dylan says zach’s name different from everyone else, stealing an extra breath, stealing as much time as he can get with him, which reminded me of a poem i just read:
The Need Is So Great, Jim Moore
^^^dylan still in love with zach even as he’s leaving, can feel himself losing him, and taking every sliver of the love in his smile that he can get. even if he knows zach doesn’t still feel the same way he’s drawing out the long goodbye & saying i love you in a thousand ways without ever saying it out loud (“i have been asking for a time but in ways that have no words” because he doesn’t want to ask too much, to ask for love) in the hope that zach will say it back OKAY I’M LEAVING i can’t do this
that was a lie because THREE. “maybe it’s the principle of the thing” please insert the most ungodly screech how could you just (lovingly) come in straight with the steel chair and bean me upside the head with that l i n e i think this story has the potential for such tragedy in it but also the most tender domestic longing because bords & briss have known each other for a long time (i think) and guys do sometimes lose themselves when they first get to the nhl.
it’s a big scene, you’re with big name guys, you’re finally doing the thing you always dreamed about, you’re no longer necessarily the best because everyone’s the best, you’re not sure how you fit in, you can get lost in the glitz and the glamor of it but you can also literally get lost in it, the slog of the season and getting caught up and down between teams and leagues and endless airports and buses and travel and ice rinks, losing your phone (accidental) and having new people hound you for quotes and fame and connection so you lose your phone (on purpose) and i think where i’m trying to go is: this could play out as the tragedy of borde going to the california coastline and briss shipping off to the vegas strip and both of them getting a little lost.
maybe there’s someone else, maybe i am steadfastly not thinking about “a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately” as either a summer of them pretending things are ok after a year of barely speaking and now being completely different people they never were before OR a summer of them trying to pretend like they can forget about each other because maybe they didn’t think their relationship was the same thing, is all, when they were or weren’t together. maybe it’s nobody’s fault but for the fact that they were scared and tired and lonely trying to make it in the big times and didn’t know how to show it. and then borde shows up with takeout and plastic forks in vegas and it’s december and nothing like winter in ann arbor and still they fill up all the empty spaces in each other with the things they didn’t know they’d miss until they were gone and this is the real thing, not whatever they were trying too hard to be, to recreate their own nostalgia for the love in their memories. it’s the principle of the thing, is all, to always be true to the love they have right now & not what they think it should be.
sorry that i wrote you kind of an essay of an answer but i had so so so many thoughts because your ask was so lovely so thank you for sending it to me (you are always welcome to!! i love your imagined scenarios!!! cannot even explain how much!!!) & thank you for taking the time to read my walls of tags :))) <3
#liv in the replies#every time you send me a message i do the thing where i’ve got heart emojis for thumbs & cease any coherency#FIRSTLY chris driedger who i loved as seattle’s goalie without even knowing the story:#dreidger fourth layer of a dream is making me tear up AGAIN hours later as i try to write this the echl the coast easy come hard to leave &#when he talks about being somebody’s guy laying my head down in the bog & dragging my hands over my face chris who let you say that. who let#u break my HEART i truly don’t think i will ever recover from the inception reference bc that’s what they all talk abt u know? the nhl dream#the players’ tribune articles are often some of the most poetic & touching sports writing & every time i am reminded i lose my shit about it#SECONDLY:#the ever present spectre of dylan’s first boyfriend zach werenski#i have so so so many quotes? drafts? posts? about the thing with saying someone’s name to call them closer to you i say your name to speak#more of you into the world so i will possibly look for some of those to say what i mean but also: this poem was originally reminiscent of#willingly by tess gallagher which is my ajax jack / superbuddies poem & this specifically did go with the a drop of paint / the light has#fallen through you part of it but there’s a part of THIS poem which i did not include that talks about the late light / has already happened#will go on happening forever & that whole poem with this now to say i know it’s embarrassing i’m asking for it :: easy to write about light#like falling asleep on the couch & having to carry yourself up to bed is the dylan/zach heartbreak of this. waiting & waiting for the things#you used to do & the love you used to / were promised to have with the hope that if you keep the coffee ready he’ll come drink it & instead#you have too many cups of tea one yours & one cold then half-warmed over & too sweet for your tastes but you’ve learned to drink it anyway#okAY now third:#this w/the UMICH BOYS? N O I DIDN’T EVEN!!! NOT A THOUGHT IN MY BRAIN!!! & now i can’t stop thinking!!! & i had an entire PLAYLIST already#a ??? while ago before i even truly knew the umich boys Narratives™️ i heard maude latour’s song ‘one more weekend’ & went hahaha isn’t that#a great song for when you have that One Summer of college before everyone splits off into their own lives? isn’t that a fun little umich boy#going into the nhl narrative?? to which i said NO but then it spiraled into a playlist &now there is delightful heartbreak to go with vibes#umich scholars please feel free to correct me if i’m wrong on any points i can’t remember anything presently about anything#also the f a c t that that vegas picture is real and i know exactly what you’re talking about is making me %^•*]+£’ bc how!! is that real!!!#okay ALSO just throwing in brinksy like a casual AHAHA have brainworm for a year (my autocorrect tried to go bringst like angst which. lmao)#connor and dylan… all of my journeymen… we did not touch that because i WILL start yelling about sam gagner and marc staal and#the chrysalis and the caterpillar
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@risingod you owe a dog an explanation as to why i almost dropped my laptop on her just now
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