#doofus with a heart of gold

[catboyazem]

ᴀ.ᴋ.ᴀ. S K U L L

[pianokantzart]

If The Super Mario Bros. Movie has taught me anything, it's that nothing will endear me to a character like watching them get completely obliterated for an hour and twenty minutes in a desperate effort to protect their anxious, neurodivergent sibling.

[ninjathrowingstork]

SAYING THIS WITHOUT SPOILERS

Please go watch Argylle it's so good omg. Like the trailer barely does it justice because the twists are so good, and each time it starts to make sense, there's another reveal *and it's all set up and foreshadowed perfectly* even down to throwaway lines, it's all setting the ending up together. The movie is a pastiche of great spy thriller tropes, and you can pick out which piece goes to probably which movie, like there are shadows of the Bourne series, or The IPCRESS file, but all done in the hyper-saturated reality-blurring style Matthew Vaughn used in Kingsman (which is the same universe as Argylle and we're eventually getting both series crossing over).

Also Sam Rockwell's character Aiden is both a hyper-competent spy and fighter, and an absolute doofus who does a little dance while explaining how to stomp in bad guy skulls. But he's also a bit sweetheart when it comes to the people he loves and there's a moment near the end that nearly broke my heart (when he clasps his hands behind his back and stops fighting, if you've seen it). I might actually be a little bit in love with the character.

10/10 recommend, and stay for the scene in the credits, it's gold.

[celaenaeiln]

Teen Titans Academy is amazing!!! (Spoilers!)

I listed my favorites but there were a lot of favorites so this is a long post 😅

First you have Nightwing opening the class by introducing the lesson “Defense against the Dark Arts”

Kori and Dick are back together ❤️:

So, so many Titans shenanigans:

I always thought Tempest was a quiet one but what a lie!

Dick finds out about the son he never knew:

SIKE!

And then the all-star entrance….

The heck is that pose?! 🤣🤣🤣 Imagine trying to have a hard conversation with your not son-son and then this doofus shows up. Honest to God Deathstroke has nothing on Red X when it comes to annoying Dick:

He wishes he could have Dick’s attention like this. But Dick still becomes a real dad to the kid he never actually had anyway. Heart of gold. It’s at times like this that you’re grateful Dick doesn’t kill:

When the Titans are discussing it later Roy says wth I thought Red X was dead Dick basically goes hah. Like I’d ever forget that headache:

And here’s the surprising part: Dick greens flags the operation to conquer another planet but guess who the Titans work with?

The suicide squad.

Finally and most importantly: Dick’s butt is clearly still in great shape

[tag-that-oc]

i just realized that one of my ocs is just c!goodtimeswithscar but with a different coat of paint. doofus with a heart of gold? check. has worked in law enforcement? check. has had a pseudo-western vibe? check. has a cat? check. weird amounts of tension with this One Guy? double check. how did this happen on accident

THATS RAD. you are not immune to the good times.

[invisibleraven]

one getting something in their eye and the other trying to help by blowing it out (hands on the cheek and everything) - Kinda feeling Bobby with this one. Bobby and... Reggie? (feel free to make it someone else if that's not speaking to you)

'This is so stupid,' Bobby thought.

"On your mark...get set...GO!" Reggie yelled gleefully. Luke and Bobby took off running, amidst the cheers of their friends.

Bobby usually wasn't one for exercise-he didn't mind yoga, but that was only because it was something fun to do with lola in the mornings. Otherwise sports and the like was just another thing his father was disappointed in him about, since he had been a football legend.

However, Luke had challenged Bobby to a foot race, winner got to pick the setlist for their next gig, and Bobby was determined to win. There was no other way some of his own songs on the docket.

Out of the four of them, Alex was the track star, so Bobby was glad he wasn't racing the drummer. Reggie was part of 4H, where he regularly got to ride horses and did a fair bit of physical labour. Even Luke actually participated in gym class, was even on the weightlifting team since the competitions paid for guitar strings and street dogs.

The most Bobby lifted was the amps from the garage to the van and then into the gig before reversing the process. Sure those amps, cords, and pieces of the drum set weren't light, but it didn't result in him having bulging biceps, rippling abs, or a large amount of stamina.

Needless to say, Bobby was a bit winded by half way through the route they were taking, panting and puffing, but kept pushing because dammit he wanted to share Black & Blue Heart Break with the world, or at least the great LA area who came to Sunset Curve shows.

"Eat my dust Shaw!" Luke yelled as he passed him.

"Fuck you Patterson!" Bobby wheezed back. Then coughed as he literally got a cloud of dust in his face.

Then stabbing pain, because just his luck, some of it got in his fucking eye. "Ow fuck!"

"You okay dude?" Luke asked, having wheeled back to check on him.

"The dust was supposed to be metaphorical," Bobby sneered. "Got in my eye."

"Don't rub it!" Luke chided, swatting his hand away. "Lemme see."

Bobby blinked repeatedly, trying to clear his eye, then grunted as Luke's hands grasped his cheeks. "What the fuck?"

"I'm trying to see your eye doofus," Luke replied, moving his face back and forth, tutting. "Ouch, that looks bad."

"Totally your fault," Bobby replied.

"Fair," Luke replied with a shrug, then blew a stream of air at him.

"What are you doing?" Bobby asked, trying to jolt back, but Luke had too firm a hold on his face.

"Trying to get your eye clear," Luke stated. "Either by blowing the dust out or getting your eye to water and clear it that way."

"Who taught you this miracle cure, Nurse Ratchet?"

"My mom you jerk," Luke retorted, blowing again.

Bobby stopped struggling at that-Luke didn't mention his mom much since leaving home, even though they spent most every night together given Luke was living in Bobby's garage. Bobby had offered his guest room, but Luke felt bad squatting and stealing food from the fridge, he didn't want to have lola put him up in the house. Besides she would probably call Emily right away if she knew.

Luke looked at Bobby, lips pursed as he blew, his eyes glowing gold in the afternoon sun. A little sweaty from their run, a streak of dust on his cheek, which Bobby reached up to wipe away.

"I-I think I got it," Luke stammered, letting his hands fall away from Bobby's face.

"Thanks," Bobby replied, looking away, eye feeling better but face flushed. "You wanna keep racing?"

"Nah, there was no way you were gonna win anyways," Luke joked.

"We'll see about that!" Bobby declared, taking off running.

Luke laughed, then ran after him-and maybe, just maybe, he let Bobby win. But only by a little.

[elioisrighthere]

“Yeah I had a heart-to-heart with mi hermano.” She squeezed Leo’s shoulders

“…and a big sister who isn’t afraid to smack him when he gets out of line.” She flickered a finger playfully against his cheek

“Cheer up,” Reyna said. “Calypso will come around. You’re a doofus sometimes, Valdez, but you’ve got a heart of Imperial gold.”

it’s canon that they’re siblings to each other. it’s canon reyna things so well of leo. UNDERRATED DUO!!!!

[byebyeballoon]

Talk about iconic cameos. 😂 Also there’s multiple actors from Vincenzo with parts in Queen of Tears if you didn’t know, including the little bro of the villain playing a brother again. He’s so expressive and he’s a bit of a doofus in this show too, but he has a heart of gold and he got his heart broken, and I just want to protect him. 😭 Also we just finished episode 9. It’s been one of my fav shows this year.

[markantonys]

One thing that is very different in Donal’s and Barney’s Mats is that Barney’s Mat is sort of… he is sort of tired. I mean he is depressed, while Donal’s is in recovery, obviously, but there was sort of defeat in the way Mat was from the very first episode of the first season, that is just not there in season 2.

For show!Mat it is very, very normal to react positively to the blowing of the horn, although I think Barney’s Mat would have not been so open about it. It’s a very interesting change, and I missed Barney a lot this season, A LOT. I wanted the bad boy vibes back, I wanted him to be a bit of an asshole, because Donal’s Mat is not like that at all and I constantly felt sorry for him and it clashed with the Mat in my head basically. The best way I can explain it is that with Barney’s Mat I sort of had the feeling, that if he decided that he likes me, I could really rely on him. Like he WILL come through and he will bitch and moan, but he’ll be with me. With Donal’s Mat he will try to help even if he dislikes me and maybe even won’t bitch about it, but he might do a shitty job? Which are two very different approaches.

But after the scenes where Rand and Mat meet again, where Mat waits for Rand to leave the city, where he takes drugs and where he feels relief that he is one of the heroes, and then immediately hurts Rand on accident? Like these scenes have sold me on Donal’s Mat. He is my sweet cheese, my rotten soldier. Nynaeve patting Mat’s cheek and not even looking at her supposedly dead friend who is now dying for real? Like I get it, I was “no you are so good you need to know”. It’s a completely different vibe though. I love this Mat and I don’t want any other Mats now.

This change suits show!Mat a lot and I wonder if they planned this change for Barney too, and if they did how would he approach that? He was never that sweet and I doubt that he would have gone for it?

if you are the same anon who worried about tumblr going insane and sending me either 1000 asks or no asks about mat, rest assured i got just the one here! all is well!

to me the differences in the two versions of mat were largely due to them being in different circumstances. even pre-dagger in the first 2 episodes of season 1, mat is a) having a bad time at home and then b) getting dragged on a roadtrip from hell. season 2 when mat gets out of tar valon, that's really the first time we've seen him almost completely carefree, so naturally he's much lighter (and i did see some of barney's darker & defeated mat in donal's Captive Mat in the first 2.5 episodes of s2, just like how i see some of donal's lighter mat in barney's Jokester Trying To Cheer Up His Friends Mat in the first 2 episodes of s1).

but at the same time i do feel some kind of difference in Vibe between barney's mat and donal's mat, in a way i can't really put my finger on but is just down to the fact that of course two different people playing the same character will each put their own little spin on that character! for example, i definitely get what you're describing of s2 mat feeling more like a lovable doofus and s1 mat more like an asshole with a heart of gold haha

it's also interesting to consider that barney's mat was written entirely with the original plan for mat in mind, and donal's was written entirely with the revamped plan for mat in mind, so that could also explain some differences! it is quite possible they wanted to make mat more of a lovable doofus in s2 because they knew him staying behind at the waygate was an unplanned change that made him look bad in the eyes of many viewers (not me though!), so they wanted to try extra hard to make him sweet and likable and pitiable in s2 to compensate. and there was for sure a shift in motives for mat between s1 and s2: in s1 he's a reluctant participant in The Plot because he's getting dragged along and just wants to go home to his sisters (more of the "doesn't WANT to be a hero" vibe) whereas in s2 he's a more eager participant in The Plot because hates himself for abandoning his friends and desperately wants to make up for it (more of the "doesn't think he CAN be a hero" vibe).

yeah, now that i'm writing it out i've convinced myself that it WAS the unplanned changes to mat's arc due to the actor switch that's really the key difference between barney's mat and donal's mat! and specifically the changes to his motivations and his willingness to participate in the plot. because s1 mat WAS a grouchier and more reluctant hero even without the dagger's influence, but s2 mat is so desperate to be good and to do good specifically because of the Great Waygate Abandonment. so i certainly don't think this change was planned or would've happened if barney had continued in the role, because his departure was precisely the thing that necessitated the change!

anyway, cosigned on mat being my sweet cheese and my rotten soldier and on him needing to know that he's good!!!!

[onebluebookworm]

Should You Fight Them? - Jane Austen Romantic Runner-Up Edition

Companion piece to this post. Because I still think I'm funny, even with this horribly outdated meme format.

John Willoughby: Even if you don't take into account the lying, the two-timing, the manipulation, the abandoning of a pregnant teenager, and the fact he's a whiny toddler man who could have solved most of his problems by not being a gold-digging shit, he still seems utterly insufferable to be around. Fuck this little bastard up.

George Wickham: It's honestly hard for me to choose who between him and Willoughby I hate more, but at least Wickham has the smarts to realize when he's fucked up with one Bennett sister and move on to the other. Still a stinky garbage boy who belongs in the toilet. I would say fight him, but let's be real here, Darcy would beat you to it.

William Collins: Yes, we all know he's insufferable and pompous and boorish, but I honestly can't bring myself to hate him all that much. I don't know, maybe it's the BBC miniseries clouding my judgement, but he also has this wet beast (derogatory) vibe about him that makes him kinda pathetic. Don't fight, but you could like...I dunno, maybe trip him?

Henry Crawford: Henry, I wanna root for you, pal. You're a lot like Willoughby, where if you just stop being a philandering little doofus and actual focus on being a good person, you would actually be really fun to be around and potentially even husband material. Don't fight, but definitely shame him over the fact he could be so much better than he is. You're not mad, just disappointed.

Philip Elton: I know he was never in Emma's league to begin with, but I can't not put him on here, simply because he's just the worst. An absolute feeb and a loser. He and Mr. Collins would be friends if either of them were capable of being likeable. Absolutely fight, and maybe take on his wife while you're at it.

Frank Churchill: My dude. My guy. My sweet little meow meow. Please just tell people things. At least let one person into your confidence about this whole "secret engagement with Jane" thing. Please, bro. You're decimating the vibes, bro. Look at your girl, Frank. She's got anxiety, Frank. Fight, if only to knock some sense into his idiot head.

John Thorpe: John wants to be a Willoughy or a Wickham so bad. Just so clever and cunning that he breaks a bunch of hearts before landing himself a wife that will give him all of the money. Unfortunately for him, he's just...not that smart. I'm not saying Willoughby or Wickham are necessarily smart, but they at least get their plans off the ground. John doesn't even get his foot in the door. He figures out Catherine doesn't have any money and panics. You could fight him, but I honestly think this poor dunce has suffered enough.

William Elliot: Remember how I said Frank ruined the vibe? William Elliot does that too, but on purpose. Just an absolutely rancid man. Fight him and show no mercy.

James Benwick: He's just a little guy. A little fella. A little creecher. He doesn't even have any proper dialogue throughout the whole book. You're gonna fight a little creecher who doesn't even say anything? A little birthday boy? You'd fight him?

[ryniadora]

Judging from the trailer gives me NO CLUES as to who to smooch. I need to know which one is the raging awkward doofus with golden retriever energy and/or which one is the absolute train wreck edgelord with a heart of gold.

Please I need to know who to simp for there are TOO MANY CHOICES

[toontuska]

Aiden from Dying Light 2 is an idiot and I love him

I recently bought Dying Light 2, and am pleasantly surprised at how good it is. But man, the main character, Aiden, is an absolute fool and I love him for that. He really is just the himbo of the apocalypse. Buff, strong, fast, with a sour attitude but a heart of gold, and insanely, incredibly stupid.

This man gets ambushed in every mission, because he simply has not learned to look both ways before crossing a door threshway. You see it in the very beginning, [SPOILER], when you're with that one dude at the mansion suicide party. Aiden opens a door and looks straight and slightly to the left for like, 10 seconds, just taking in the scenery. Not once does he look to his right. While he didn't get ambushed here, the entire time you're stuck thinking "AIDDEENNN, THERE WILL BE A ZOMBIE THERE! ITS A ZOMBIE GAME! AAIIIIDEEENNN, YOUR ZOMBIES!"

And that pattern sticks for the game, I heard he starts checking eventually but up to the point I'm at its still happening like every mission. It's actually a character flaw and I love him for that, he's my little doofus, my blorbo

[strixling]

🌱 Bramblewood 🍀

Did you know that my WoL Yuyuka was adopted by @rbillustration 's Khali'ra and Roscoe? It's true! Sometimes a family can be a magical girl padjalafell, the sweetest punny bunny baker and a doofus dark knight with a heart of gold.

[friendandphoe]

TWO DAYS LATE BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY @ahbonjour I LOVE YOU HAVE SOME NEW MOVIE HOUSE BRAINROT

also @museumlad and @creativeskull95 you may also enjoy this have fun

David calls Donnie at 2:37 pm on a completely nondescript Tuesday with a brisk, "I have a proposition for you," in lieu of a hello.

"Shit, babe, let me grab the condoms and the lube, I can be at your place in fifteen." Donnie says, because his mouth moves faster than his brain and both of them hate him.

David's eye roll is practically audible over the phone, but so is his smile when he responds, "I'd literally rather fling myself into the fires of Mount Doom than get anywhere near your dick ever again. No, doofus, I've got a work thing. Interested?"

"God, yes." Donnie groans. Thank someone David Peterson is his best friend before his anything else and is used to the shit that comes out of Donnie's mouth. "I told you about my new set, right?"

"I thought you said you didn't have anything."

"Because I don't, Dave. The new set is a whole lot of nothing. I've been tearing my hair out for weeks trying to think of stuff, my brain is, like, fully fried at this point."

David snorts. "What, our breakup didn't give you any material to work with?"

Donnie blows a raspberry, flinging an arm over his eyes even though Lark's been gone for, like, a week doing some business bitch shit and isn't around to see his dramatics. "Do me a favor and be more of an asshole so I can actually pull something out of it. There's nothing funny about an amicable break up."

"Statistically, between the two of us, you're more likely to be the asshole about it." David points out. "Write a joke about how you jumped on the chance to fuck as soon as you heard my voice."

Donnie has. Many of them. None of them have lived to see the light of day. "You propositioned me, motherfucker. You literally said, 'I have a proposition for you' and expected me to not take that in a fucky direction?"

David snorts again. "Go get laid and then maybe we can progress past two sentences without you thinking I want to bone down."

All half-formed jokes about this conversation immediately fly out of his head. "David," Donnie begs. "I will literally pay you whatever you want to have you never say the words 'bone down' in reference to sex ever again."

"I am only ever going to call it boning down from now on." David says immediately, because he's an asshole. Not enough of one to use as material for a good comedy set, but to be honest, Donnie thinks he can live with that. He’ll gladly settle for missing out on comedy gold because of a peaceful breakup if it means he gets to keep his best friend. "I think you should bone down so that you stop thinking that I'm trying to bone down with you. I’m just an innocent business boy trying to do my job—"

Never fucking mind, this man is terrible and Donnie hates him. "Oh my god."

"—and here you are sullying my good-natured intentions with thoughts of boning down—"

"Stoooop."

"—when all I've ever tried to do is live by the eternal words of our lord and savior Britney Spears. I just want to work, bitch. All my long nights at the office, all my running around trying to find you, my dearest friend, a well-paying gig, because even though our amorous relations have since ended I still hold you near to my heart, and yet! You scorn my kindness with advances towards boning down.”

"I'm dying. Literally dying."

“Distasteful behavior, truly. Horrendous. You’re a rake and a rapscallion and I shan’t do business with you anymore if you’re only going to lust after me the whole time. ‘Tis a futile endeavor, Donaldo. Your feelings are simply unrequited. I daresay you have transformed into what is known in some circles as a simp. Do you know what a simp is, D? I learned that one like a week ago. You’re down bad tremendous, as the kids might say. Bone down tremendous, even."

"I'm gonna — I'm hanging up, Peterson."

"Alright, fuck you then, I don't have a job offer for you."

Donnie whines. "Nooo, Davey my Davey, I didn't mean it, let me pay rent this month."

“Are you going to listen to me talk about internet slang.” David says, punctuating each word with a clap.

“No, because it’s, like, basically all AAVE and I bet you literally anything that Lark and my mom have been saying that shit for years.”

David snorts. “I would pay good money to hear your mom use the word ‘simp’ in a sentence.”

Donnie laughs. “Pay up, then, that’s Black 90s shit."

"Goddammit, internet," David mutters, and Donnie's phone chimes.

"Goddammit, internet," he agrees, pulling away to check whatever notification just came in. Venmo: David Peterson paid you $30. — Reparations — Your Venmo balance is now $30. "Alright, you're forgiven."

"God bless and goodnight," David says dryly. "Can I give you this goddamn job offer now."

Donnie waves a hand airily. David will sense it through the phone. "See, if you'd started with that instead of 'I have a proposition'—"

"Donnie."

"Shutting up now. Blow me away, Peterson."

David clears his throat and puts on his Business Professional voice. "Donnie Frasier, on behalf of Love Productions USA, I would like to formally offer you a position as presenter on the reboot of The Great American Baking Show."

Donnie jolts up, eyes wide. "Shut up. You're joking."

"I am not."

"DAVID."

"Mhmm." David hums, smug as hell. "We're location scouting right now, but once we have that settled we'll fly you in so you can get acquainted with the crew while we're holding baker auditions. Once we've found our twelve and they're signed on, you'll stay on-location for an additional ten weeks while we're filming. You're looking at a period of about, uh, maybe fifteen to sixteen weeks total? Just the one season for now, but, y'know, contract is open to renewal depending on ratings and reception. Food and board are included, and we're probably working with your regular rate, but I'll have to double check our budget with Jay. Obviously you know Lark has already signed on as a judge, we just got George Fox of 'the Corporal Cooks' on as the other judge—"

"DAVID!"

"I'm producing, natch, James Matsuki is with me on that — him and Fox have someone in mind for, uh. Shit, either floor manager or director, I don't remember, but Lark and I wanted to recommend you for presenter. We're trying to get Mags Taylor to go on with you—"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP."

"—provided you accept." David finishes, like it would ever cross Donnie’s mind to refuse. "You wanna hear who else we have for crew? I've actually worked with a lot of them on other projects, they're good people."

"Absolutely fucking not, I'm in, I'm in, I was already in as soon as you opened your beautiful perfect mouth! David!" Donnie hollers, scrambling up and out of bed and down the hall into his kitchen, flinging his laptop open with feral desperation. "Did you — I have to — does Susan know, I have to email Susan —"

David huffs. "Who do you think I am? I emailed Susan about it like three days ago, she said to go to you directly."

"THREE DAYS?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Donald."

"YOU HELD OUT ON ME FOR THREE DAYS, DAVARIAH?" Donnie bellows, whipping through his inbox. There's a handful of offers from venues to host him for shows, an update on the ongoing thread from his tour manager — there! The sacred s.geller@vnsgrv.com, nestled right underneath what might be a fan that somehow got a hold of his professional email address.

"Tell Susan to respond to me faster, then." David says mildly, rustling something on his end of the call.

"Leave my poor sweet Susan alone, she's done nothing wrong ever in her life and it's not her fault you never loved me." Donnie fires back, scanning through Susan's summary of the offer — same shit David was telling him, minus any name dropping, thank you best friend/ex-boyfriend perks. He replies with a very enthusiastic ABSOLUTELY HELL YES, which will not surprise Susan in the slightest. "Not even Susan can warm the frozen tundras of your heart."

David sighs, long and heavy. "You're such a fucking drama queen. I'm going to write a guide for your next partner, so they know how to deal with you."

"That's — fair, honestly. Make a note on my fabulous ass and sparkling personality, though."

"What sparkling personality," David mutters, but clears his throat back into Business Professional. "So, Donnie Frasier, do you accept the offer?"

Donnie pauses. "Am I allowed to have 'fuck yeah' on the record?"

David hangs up on him.

~*~

They've only been separated for three weeks, but Lark's airport tackle makes Donnie feel like he's returning from World War 2.

"You're in!" Lark screams, ignoring the affronted looks they're getting from the other people meandering out of baggage claim.

Donnie squeezes hard around her waist and pulls her up, spinning her around twice for good measure. It never hits him just how much he misses his sister until they're reunited. "I'm in!" He yells back, and relishes the scandalized cough they get from the white lady brushing past them.

Somewhere off to their right, someone laughs. "Twinth, huh?"

"Twins," David agrees, and clears his throat. "Y'all ready to go?"

They're not, but Donnie knows how to compromise. He sets Lark back down in her feet and wraps an arm around her shoulders, grinning wildly at her as they set out. "Look at you!"

"Look at me!" Lark agrees, beaming back. She looks great — she's switched out her locs for twists and her blue sundress pops against her dark skin, and yeah, that's great, but underneath it all, she's glowing. She looks happy, she looks proud, she looks like a big fuckin' dead weight asshole has finally been kicked to the curb, thank God. There's a bounce in her that he hasn't seen in months, that he — and he would never say this out loud to anyone ever, not even their mom — worried she would never get back.

He loves her so much. He's going to vomit in all her shoes.

"Tell me everything," he demands, graciously letting her pull his suitcase out of his hands. "Did he cry? Tell me he cried."

David, whose relationship with Donnie overlapped the middle of The Brandon Saga, chooses this moment to start very loudly debating directions with the dark-haired guy he brought along. Donnie will give him the most platonic of high-fives for it later.

"Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy." Lark says airily, which means not here, not now. "How's it feel to have a big boy job, though?"

Donnie is a mature, upstanding, tax-paying adult and refrains from sticking his tongue out at his beloved twin sister. "I actually turned down Netflix to come do this dinky lil baking show with you, Birdie, so you better be fuckin' grateful."

"I've been blessed by your presence," Lark says immediately, bumping their shoulders together. "You should be on Netflix, by the way, it's total bullshit you're not. Like, I'm so glad we're doing this together, but—"

"No, you know what?" Donnie cuts in, giving her a little squeeze. "I'm excited about it. I'm taking a comedy sabbatical and I'm gonna do nothing but eat cupcakes and make you miserable on set and it's gonna be great. Netflix can eat my entire ass, honestly."

Ahead of them, David's friend snorts, breaking off the direction debate to walk backwards through the revolving door. Donnie is thoroughly impressed. "From what I heard, Netflix is more of a 'no lube no aftercare' kind of lover. Executiveth, you know? They jutht wanna fuck you over and then roll over and go to thleep." The guy eyes Donnie up and down in a way that makes him roll his shoulders back and stand up straighter. Lark what the fuck taps him in the ribs and he shut the fuck up bumps her knee. Sue him, he’s a disaster bi and weak to authoritative gazes. She knows this already. “Your work’th incredible, though, I thaw one of your thows a couple yearth ago and I wath crying laughing. If Netflix doethn’t want you, that’th their loth.”

Donnie responds in the only reasonable fashion: he fans a hand in front of his face and swoons heavily against Lark, who cheerfully ducks out from beneath his arm and lets him stumble into a trashcan. “Keep talking like that and we’re going right to the bathroom, stranger.” He purrs, and they laugh, clear and pleasant. “Normally I make people buy me dinner before rawdogging me in public, but I can always make an exception.”

David suddenly whirls around from where he'd been leading the procession, brows furrowed tightly behind his glasses. “I fully forgot y’all don’t know each other.” He says, like it’s inconceivable to exist in a world where his friends don’t all run in the same social circles.

Donnie shrugs and holds out a hand. "I just assumed you kidnapped someone with a bigger car, T-B-H. Donnie Frasier, he/him. What's up?"

The stranger takes his hand and shakes, but keeps a severe facial expression. "I'm actually airport polithe, I'm here to inthpect your luggage for ilithit thubthtanthes," they say seriously, holding Donnie's gaze for two, three, four beats before cracking a grin. "Ethan Thtone, altho he/him, head of wardrobe and rethident big car boy."

"Fuckin' rub it in," David mutters, and lets Ethan swat him.

"I don't wanna hear anything from the man who dethided to thqueeze hith theven-foot ath into a clown car." Ethan says, cementing his place as Donnie's new favorite. “Go be useful and get Karen, I wanna thmooze. My car,” he answers as Donnie’s opening his mouth to ask the question.

“Why?”

“Because she’s old and white and complains the entire time!” David yells over his shoulder, disappearing into the parking lot with Ethan’s keyring.

Ethan makes an affronted noise. “He’th thuch a jerk,” he mutters, but there’s something fond tugging at the corners of his mouth as he says it.

“He’s single, you know,” Donnie blurts out, because his mouth continues to move faster than his brain and they both continue to hate him. He lets Lark smack him in the arm with a gleeful “Donnie!” because yeah, fair.

Ethan goes bright red, and he laughs nervously. “Oh, uh  — yeah, I know. We, uh, actually worked together while, uh, y’all were thtill — a thing? Tho, uh. I know. I jutht think he’s cute, though, I’m not trying to, like, move in on anything—”

“God, please,” Donnie laughs, patting Ethan on the back. “He’s my best friend, but like. That ship done sailed, my dude. No hard feelings over here if you wanna, y’know.”

“Mount. Climb aboard. Cast off.” Lark supplies helpfully, grinning gleefully as Ethan turns redder and redder with every word. “Thank fuck you’re here now, Ducky, I felt like I was losing my mind watching them try to flirt.”

“We weren’t flirting.” Ethan protests weakly. Lark raises an eyebrow at him. “Honetht! I’m a terrible flirt.”

“So’s David,” the twins say in unison. Ethan groans and buries his face in his hands, muttering something under his breath that might be “abtholutely fuck me”.

Lark ignores him. “I’ve been telling him that Davey is available, too, he kept insisting he didn’t want to make things weird with you coming onto the project—”

Donnie emphatically waves his hands. “Fuck no! I mean, I for sure wanna get some popcorn and watch the show, but, like, from the point-five seconds I’ve known you—” 

“Yeth, pleathe, let’th talk credentialth,” Ethan says desperately.

“What? No.” Donnie says, gesturing at Ethan’s everything with a raised eyebrow. “You’re cute, you dress well, you like my jokes, you don’t let David intimidate you even though you like him, I trust you already. You’ll be great, I’m excited to work with you, blah blah blah. Like, feel free to stop me if you’re legit uncomfortable, but—”

“Remember what I said before, E?” Lark interrupts, patting Ethan’s back. “About Donnie being a professional meddler?”

Donnie nods in satisfaction. “I am a professional meddler. Please let me meddle, we’ll bond and become best friends and ruin David’s life. It’ll be so good.”

Ethan looks up at the sky. Donnie doesn’t know why; if anyone’s up there, they know better than to mess with Donnie Frasier when he’s on a mission. “If I thay yeth,” he says uncertainly, and the twins immediately swivel like sharks smelling blood. “Can we at leatht be thubtle about it?”

Lark winces, looking at her brother. “Tall order, Ducky. Think you can handle it?”

Donnie flips her off with one hand and holds out the other for Ethan to hesitantly shake. “Ethan Stone,” he says solemnly. “This is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

Ethan still vaguely looks like he wants the earth to swallow him whole. “I mean it, though, I’m really a terrible flirt.”

Donnie looks at his sister. “Vibe check?”

“Drama club Peggy circa 2016.”

Donnie stares in horror. “Please tell me it’s not the same vibes.”

Lark claps three times. Donnie throws his head back and cackles. Ethan looks like he’s about two seconds away from climbing into the sewer and living his best ninja turtle life. “It’th not  — I don’t even know what that meanth, I’m not, like  —  thtop — thtop laughing, I’m theriouth—” But he’s grinning despite himself, because Donnie’s never once been able to hold a mildly uncomfortable conversation with someone without making them laugh, and he’s not about to break his streak now with all these fancy new TV people to impress.

“Ethan,” Donnie sighs, wiping imaginary tears from his eyes and slinging an arm over his new best friend’s shoulders. “I’m going to hook you guys up so hard. I cannot wait.”

A white Toyota pulls up in front of them, hazards on, and David climbs out of the driver’s side, half-jogging over to grab Donnie’s bags and shove ‘em in the trunk. “Everything okay?” He asks, mostly to Ethan, who’s beginning to match the color of the beret David used to wear in college. Donnie wonders if Ethan knows about the beret. Donnie desperately needs Ethan to know about the beret.

“Fine,” he and Ethan say at the same time, in wildly different tones of voice.

David gives Donnie A Look. “What are you doing to my wardrobe head?”

“Irreversibly changing the course of your lives,” Donnie says cheerfully, rubbing Ethan’s shoulder.

“Fucking delightful.” David sighs, rolling his eyes. “C’mon, I wanna get back to the hotel by five and you’ve still got a shitload of people to meet. Do not let Donnie bully you into anything you don’t wanna do,” he says to Ethan, just loud enough that Donnie can reasonably make a comment about it.

And he will. “You’ll thank me for this one day, boyos.” He says haughtily, and Lark laughs loudly, shoving him into the backseat of the Toyota and climbing in after him. She squeezes his hand hard as they’re settling in: I missed you. He squeezes back and grins at her. Missed you more.

David buckles himself into the driver’s seat and meets his gaze in the rearview mirror. “As long as you keep whatever shenanigans you’re planning off Jay and Alexa’s radars, I’ll do whatever you want, dude, I don’t give a single shit.”

Lark pulls out her phone to text someone. “Kinky,” she comments, grinning as David sputters in the front seat. “In front of Ethan and the entire airport and God, too? Fuck it up, my guy.”

“I’m in hell.” David deadpans, and pulls out towards the airport exit.

[crushng-a]

The Roller is alive. Upstairs, there are couples of all kinds making the most of a a day out before whatever else couples do on Valentine's. Two for the price of one would be an ideal chance that Gin would be a fool to miss out on. But they ARE a guest in the Roller. Besides... they're busy.

Namely, they are lounging on a couch with Wilford in the basement bowling alley. It wasn't due to open for a while yet, so the pair could sit and enjoy milkshakes while being forgotten about the world. Eventually Wilford propped his feet up other table and turned his head to Gin.

"Yer a good kid, an' I'm proud of ya - glittery black-hole-ness an' all. There is a happy endin' out there somewhere fer ya. But until then, I wanna remind ya that here can be where it is fer now. Oh, that reminds me." Rolling to put his weight on his right hip, Wilford began rummaging the back pockets of his trousers until he pulled out a small box. Inside was a silver necklace with a small model of a pair of roller skates dangling off them. It was hard to tell what colour they were, as the hue shifted depending on how the light bounced off them, but the white star mark held firm. "No matter what timeline yer in, no matter where ya end up goin', y'll always have this little bubble ta come back to." (rosetintedgunman)

IT’S LOVE DAY!

the best day of the year! best holiday of all time and space, with the most important annual traditions! (candy & sex! — duh.) oh, and kisses. and teddy bears! and making ridiculous scenes in upscale italian restaurants!

also, candy. so much candy. sweets and sours and sugars and caramels and cakes and cookies! mochis and gummies and boobies and chocolates and taffies and toffees and ice creams! and milkshakes. that’s an important one, because the best milkshakes in all the multiverse come from one of gin’s favorite stops.

AND THE ROLLER IS ALIVE!

(eye candy! eye candy everywhere!) that’s not the point. unfortunately. the point is to see wilford.

wilford the warfstache, who might well be a cupid himself, between the pink hair, the bear hugs, and the penchant for bringing the sweetness out of anyone. or maybe he’s the easter bunny. all those pastels. eh. jury’s out! it’s two timeless time-travelers reveling in time apart, together! and there’s few who gin would rather do it with than wilford. few he respects enough to even consider it. not just anyone has this much power and this much class!

and it’s love day! so he has a bright pink milkshake and as many candy hearts as the bartender could cram on top. he’s been making a game of seeing how many he can stick to his tongue at once, LOL and TXT ME and BABY and I♥️U, before they start falling off or he has to wet his palate.

sometimes wilford’s a sap. happy endings are still endings, after all, and gin’s not nearly done with writing his story! but aside from a disapproving sucking noise on his mouthful of chalky candy, he stays quiet. there’s a gift involved.

cool metal pools in gin’s palm, charm first, followed by a thin chain. the charm, a pair of skates, s h i m m e r s as he turns it back and forth. it’s like an opal, all multicolored and flashing fire. it’s hard to tell what it might be made of. rose gold? that’d be seasonal! or sterling silver, perhaps? (no, sterling’s the chain, not the ball!) (it’s not a ball, it’s a charm! doofus.) (heh. balls.)

gin smiles brightly. “i never doubted it.” he fastens the clasp in the back with a couple of tries, narrowly keeping his milkshake glass tucked between his thighs without incident. the skates rest at the base of his turtleneck, on perfect display between the flaps of his khaki lapels. he toys at the necklace with a finger, staring down at it as its many hues cast rainbows on the seat below.

“it’s, um. it’s funny, you know? everyone else … isn’t always there. they’re all temporary.” it’s more than just mortality that plagues him. the very fabric of existence warps and tears. people change. disappear. get misplaced. he’s too early, there’s no one to miss. or i’m too late. too late. too late. sometimes it’s as if you never existed at all.

(can you see me here, ? or am i out of your reach?)

gin shakes his head — shakes away the dread. “i’m just glad the roller’s easy to find, that’s all.” i’m glad to have you, wilford. i don’t know where i’d be without you.

i hope the necklace stays a while. i like it a lot.

[bunnymajo]

I'm barely even in the Sonic fandom anymore but you're getting me invested in Surge/Elias??? Something about them... A doofus with a heart of gold and the tsundere punk who doesn't want to like him but he's just, like, so nice to her that she can't help it

Right? It's a good dynamic.