#dont look for me

[joifee]

Fanart for the fan fic ashes by @darubyprincxx

i hope you like it - more to the thought process down below

So this is the end scene from chapter 8; I did cut like two lines of dialog because i thought the panel with pix looked better with less text. For the clothing design i looked at an older post daruby made about what they wear. I was tempted to include own headcanons that i have about gem and fwhip (aka dragon features etc) but i decided against it, i mean its fanart of fanfic so yeah. give the fanfic a read its very well written. It has moments of suspense, of quietness and alot to think about. Some scenes may not be good for everyone, but daruby does give some warnings so you might be prepared. also i just adore genfics and its something else to read besides the shipping fanfics i usually read. I am normally not good with reading about arguments, angst and the themes in this story; but i am happy that i still read all anyways and i enjoy it so far^^ I chose this scene because it did immediatly jump in my head - i had other scenes as well in my mind but i wasnt really able to make a pic out of it (also i am not good at drawing bears or animals - those are my drawing weakness)

Anyways i hope you like it and check out the fanfic. (probably will try, in future if i draw more fanart for fanfics or else to write a text below)

[churroach]

Full of Desires

[soukokumychildren]

*Raises hand and opens mouth* .... *Closes mouth* ... *nods*

Do you ever think about how the event that led people to start calling Dazai and Chuuya Soukoku was an act of grief?

Their partnership started at 15, but the mafia immortalized it after the Dragon's Head Conflict by dubbing them Soukoku.

The most fearsome duo in all of Yokohama.

Soukoku, a name meant to remind everyone, enemies and allies alike of the destructive force of they're capable of. Of the mafia's victory during the Dragon's Head Conflict.

Of the same night, the very moment, Chuuya learned he lost his friends again.

Chuuya wasn't there to bring the mafia victory or destroy buildings, he was there to save his friends. That's all he wanted, to get the people he cared about home, safe.

Instead he had more people ripped from him. He activated corruption in a state of grief and it's so different from the corruption we see in the main manga.

Chuuya's rage feels cold and calculated when he's fighting Lovecraft and then afterwards, he starts laughing manically. Dead Apple Chuuya's corruption feels so raw and pained.

Especially when we see Dazai nullify it.

He never stopped screaming, when the marks are gone and corruption's nullified, he's still screaming. You can't tell me that's not a tear in the second panel, it's shaped and shaded differently to the debris.

Chuuya told Dazai not to stop him and we assume he meant not to stop him using corruption, but what if he meant "Don't stop me, at all." What if he was so overcome with grief that, in that moment, he was okay with corruption burning through him completely. What if he didn't mean that but it's what Dazai heard? And that's why he's so gentle with Chuuya afterwards, because for a second, Chuuya sounded too much like himself.

Do you think there was a time where Chuuya couldn't stand the name Soukoku, not because it associated him with Dazai but because it immortalized the night he failed to save his friends again?

Do you think Dazai watched Chuuya just that little more closely afterwards, afraid to hear something like "Don't stop me." again?

Does hearing the name Soukoku sometimes bring back awful memories for them when other people say it with awe?

[pangur-and-grim]

one thing that took me embarrassingly long to learn is "sometimes when people say things, they will not be true."

I used to tell people about this revelation and they'd be like yeah.....duh.....but like, why wouldn't my base assumption be that you're communicating to me in a straightforward manner. anyway, I get scammed a lot.

[sparrowlucero]

speaking of how to train your dragon and creature design, the shift from the really naturalistic art direction and character animation for the first movie's toothless- the face getting flatter, the eyes bigger and closer together, getting rid of the little realistic details like the dust collecting between the scales, the pink splotching where the scales end at the nostrils, the muted markings, the animation making a shift from largely realistic animal behavior to much more anthropomorphic- is such a huge downgrade to me, made worse because it's subtle in such a way that you will sound insane if you mention it

(huge L for the "the audience's capacity to find a creature cute and empathetic and expressive is directly proportional to how much it looks like a human baby" principle of character design because the first one is so so much cuter)

[onebadnoodle]

thinking about paswg genderbends again

[mezimraky]

BABE WAKE UP THEY ARE GIVING THE ENDERMAN A BOYFRIEND

[guiiay]

yeah... yeah

[puppppppppy]

abogagos……..

[colorstrike624]

No but seriously the things turtles can do are unhinged.

[mydairpercabeth]

just saw the most heartbreaking annabeth take from ep 3

[lenaellsi]

dinner date

[cryptocism]

"just as I did, in 1983."

you'd never know my favourite parts of the show are the fucked up insane bits when my first instinct is to draw the cheesiest thing imaginable

[nonebinary-leftbeef]

DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one

[kanakori]

i had to

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?