#dont know how thatll work just trust me

[amoebeau]

both things are unrelated to each other im just never gonna post art if i dont make a dump of all the things i do

[mr-magoriums-im-sorry-emporium]

i am gonna b real yall dunk on twitter for the "i say i love pancakes and someone goes 'so you hate waffles then?' no bitch thats an entirely new sentence" thing but you guys also do it too. tumblr also does that.

[nomairuins]

sighhhhh made an entire schedule for an imaginary 3mo baby. and wrote down a bunch of notes about how to take care of my imaginary 3mo baby. but then i got rly sad bc i started writing notes about how im going to be working 8 hours a day 5 days a week during the majority of the babys awake time and now im a bit sad . whatever

[al6nst]

do you have any mugi headcanons?

uhuh, nsfw and sfw if thats what yer askin!

☆ hcs with tsumugi aoba

sketch info, nsfw + sfw, dom/sub hcs, romance, semi cringe/bad writing, character hcs, personal tsumugi/modern mugi, relationship hcs, gn reader/both genders mentioned, no pronouns used

SFW SECTION !

the first time the two of you met was at a small party between groups of friends. and you thought he was an asshole because of the way he spoke, but you later found out through natsume it's just him speaking his mind. "ah, you look horrible.." was the first thing he said, but it was true. honestly, you couldnt even be offended with how blunt he was, it was funny even..

dates usually consist of eating or watching movies, but at first, it was awkward. accidentally looking into eachothers eyes and looking away at the speed of light, eye contact wasnt really his thing at first. "we really are dating?.." your first kisses together were even more awkward, him staring into your eyes nervously, averting your gaze. and then it happens, your lips touch. and he tastes like sweets, its unbelievable. hes literally almost panicking.

gifts and going on dates are also in the picture if you suggest them, hes a good listener when he needs to be, and when you ask him to open up, he kinda, shuts down at first but i know hes gonna put in the effort in trying to make you feel better. trust is key to a healthy relationship. His honesty is also upped to a hundred, which is kind of worse, but it's nice to see how he feels about you and others. his self-depricating talks also bring up a bit of a concern, and you take it not with a grain of salt and end up talking to him about it and helping him feel less that way.

i know he would introduce you to his roomates and other acquaintances as well!

body hcs too, twinky tsumugi is for me, but its kind of a turn off in some ways!!!!! :/, hes got a decent amount of muscle, not too much, not too little. his legs are muscular though, like.. woah. step on me or sumn

ive got no more ideas for this section, soz!

mdni forr thus sectoons ahshgs

NSFW AHEAD, sex.. sex? yeah

i think he would choose to sub at first cause, yes, he's very pent up. i think he would sub automatically if you asked, fem or not. back to the first time, its extremely romantic and kind of heated, hes very touchy and gets into teasing you. also very vanilla the first few times unless either of you bring it up.

kissing, yes yes alot of that. he enjoys being on the receiving end of it, but will not disappoint if you wanna be kissed too. his dick is pretty big. it's pretty long and not too thick. his cum his salty, but has a sweet taste to it like everything else. hes very sensitive and his nipples get so swollen really fast its kind of concerning. i think tsumugi would lactate if he could, and thats where gnc afab mugi comes in!!! his chest as a guy is pretty large cause its mostly muscle, but afab mugis boobs are... yknow, huge. squishy and soft, and when he does end up pregnant or some unknown being comes and gives him the ability to lactate it is amazing, not just for you, for him too.

his milk is even sweeter. thats all ive got to say, dont wanna get too in depth about my love for boobs. Hes okay with somno and sensory deprivation, biting is also up there. his huge turn offs are cnc, and extremely public settings. hes okay with semi public, like under his desk getting support when hes playing games or getting work done, and hes good with his mouth when you need it too. and being tied up is one of the things thatll make him lose his mind.

subby mugi is the best, he whines alot, whispering in desperation, and exaustion. overstimulation turns him into a, yknow, slut? i dont know if thats the right word, but he goes crazy after cumming a few times. he even starts begging, literally pleading with tears in his eyes for more. hes a bit freaky and moves alot, explanation on the freaky part, i think spanking is one of the things he would try further in the relationship

dom tsumugi is even better, hes not exactly ruthless, but he knows how to do it well. like completing the hardest game on the first try without tutorials. again, hes very touchy and finds your sweet spots with extra care, focusing on your expressions and noises. he likes giving and taking backshots, but more romantic positions like spooning, if your a girl, closed missionary would be his go to choice when youre both tired, if your a guy, he gets more risky with double blindfolding and holds you even closer, his hands roaming everywhere that theey can reach.

dont know what else to add, again, soz..

an : this seems lazy and doesnt feel in character to me, i havent read most of the story cause im jp only, so sorry if this feels weird if i mischaracterized him, made sure not to get too freaky incase you didnt want it... i finished this at 1:15

[freakurodani]

top 5 haikyuu moments !! (can be particular scenes or episodes or arcs) :D

OKAY!!! so i had to gather visuals for this one bc i have many feelings about this!! I went for scenes that no matter how many times i watch, they never lose their magic for me, no matter that i know theyre coming, it still takes my breath away and makes me roll around with delight, these most of these i feel like are probably pretty obvious ones, they were meant to be impactful but ough, if they dont tear me up in the best way

SO IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

1.

I mean, what can i say??? what IS there to say?? theyve been teammates for a few weeks at this point, but hinata has given all his trust to kageyama and in turn, kageyama promised to use it to its full potential. its also a promise for their rivalry!! like, okay okay okay think about it, with the context we have with Kazuyo, kageyama has *already* decided that hinata is going to be his someone better! he sees it innately and he wants to draw it out of him, and he's, hes trying to be *hinatas* someone better too!! do u understand *shakes you* do u see what i mean!!! i mean, im sure u do, im definitely not the first person to go insane about this and ppl have probably also said it in a way thats smarter than me but just, ough

2.

its,,,, its,,, the acceptance of it all,,, i just think about how *alone* kageyama must have felt after his grandfather passed, we see and know that hes not good at connecting with people. hes bad at communicating and hes sensitive and he's scared of getting complacent. like, the all youth camp arc and atsumu calling him a goody-two-shoes is kageyama struggling with how he is changing, how hes trying to incorporate the influences he's gotten from his betters, and he cherishes it, but he's also felt like the advice he'd been given didn't also mesh with certain parts of himself. or, thats how i read into it, anyway. he tries so *hard* to be what ppl need him to be, and he's *so scared* of being rejected again. and this is hinata (and the rest of karasuno) telling him "HEY! we like you! we think you're smart and you dont have to shoulder connection all on your own! let us help you connect with us in a way where you feel comfy too :)" and then they talk about how they want communication! and it works!! and i just *rips into a pillow with my teeth*

3.

HINATA'S PERFECT RECEIVE!!!!! so the inarizaki match is probably my favorite?? there are so many good moments but *this?* you wanna see me go insane? do you want smth thatll make me tear up? every time!! its just!!! a beautiful culmination of all of hinatas hard work that he's put into during the year! its his change of mindset! its his growth!! he's fallen a level deeper in love with volleyball and ive fallen a level deeper in love with his character

4.

halo around the moon <3 Tsukki's block, his hard work, his character arc and development and everything is just *chefs kiss*. i remember the first time i watched the show, i,, *hated* tsukishima, and i think we definitely arent supposed to like him at first, but GOD does that turn around!! and this moment just feels so *earned* and *epic* and in the end HE STILL ISNT SATISFIED!!!!! he STILL wanted more!!! this point was worth 100 god fucking damn!!

5.

im talking about the inarizaki match again!! but this time with a focus on Tanaka, who kind of struggled with this match! he was in a low place during it, felt stagnated and lame. Tanaka, as a character, i would say is best characterized by his mental fortitude and stability, funny enough. He's wild, but i think part of his visual design lends that as his base (since he's often compared to buddhas/monks). But in this match, we get more depth, we see him falter and struggle! it takes more than just a slap to his cheeks to get better (tho tsukishima does point out that he gets out of his depression pretty fast) but like, tanaka uses meaningful cognition to break his rut, and its also just like, advice that I've seen used for stuff like any kind of creative block as well. The visual during the animation, he's climbing up the stairs, he's slowing down, he's coming face to face with a canyon, a plateau. He sees two options, give in, or push forward and he picks "the cooler" one, and struggles forward, forces himself ahead! and kageyama backs him up too, by not letting him back down, assuring him that his usefulness hasnt reached its end and AUGH I LOVE A TEAM YALL

okay thank u so much for the excuse to ramble about haikyuu moments that mean everything to me <33333

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

Hi! Congratulations on your followers, you deserve it!

Can I request a sun and an eclipse on how to make friends? If you don't get time to answer, that's totally fine, IGCSEs come first :)

thank you bea!! sorry for responding so late, exams are killing me slowly

requests are here!!

ミ★ 𝚜𝚞𝚗 ★彡 - i'll write you a poem, either about you or about a subject of your choice

unfortunately you forgot to clarify what you want me to write a poem about, but i asked you im dms :) guys please dont forget to tell me what it should be about!!!

poem here (sorry its somewhat terrible 😭):

a very long time ago, a child looked to the stars as her father pointed and named each one. the stars winked in response. a fairly long time ago, a child looked to the stars, as his mother pointed and recalled her father. the stars remembered them. a score years ago, a child looked to the stars, and they told him about his father, long passed.  they kept him company.  eight years ago, a child looked to the stars, and whispered her secrets to them as her father watched. the stars kept her secrets safe. in a few years, a child will look to the stars and hear the whispers of their mother, from long ago, softly spoken to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

ミ★ 𝚎𝚌𝚕𝚒𝚙𝚜𝚎 ★彡 - i'll give you big sister advice on literally anything. school drama, issues with parents, trauma, anything. trust me, i have advice on everything. (this is the only one where i'll accept anon)

how to make friends:

first, you gotta make your pick on who you wanna be friends with. you gotta see why you wanna be friends w them. the easiest thing here is choosing ppl who you have things in common with. that way, youll have something to talk about with them.

lets say you wanna be friends with that one girl in ur class bc she was reading agggtm. literally, bite the bullet and go talk to her. she wont think youre weird for talking, and you dont make friends by keeping to yourself and expecting others to come to you.

just walk up and say “i like your book / clothes” and continue the conversation from there. the best way to keep a conversation going is to ask questions. that way theyll keep answering. if theyre answering dryly, no biggie, just leave and dont think too hard abt it. if theyre responding well then thats amazing, keep talking. then after a few minutes of talking and already establishing a conversation, thats when you say your name and whatever else.

keep your tone casual, your expression slightly smiling, your shoulders relaxed, posture straight. the best tip for when ur just meeting someone is acting like youve known each other for ages. you might feel awkward but try ur best to not let it show. if it shows, thats okay. use your casual vocabulary instead of trying to be formal, thatll feel more familiar to a person. saying “dudeeee i LOVE that part when” etc or shit, thats gonna make them relax more bc its so much more natural-sounding

for me, im new at my school but became popular fairly quickly (despite being severely unpopular n bullied at my old school) just bc id do this stuff. smile at everyone, greet someone with a “hii” when you know them even if its js by name and face, drop compliments wherever you can, talk to people like youve known them ages, etc

lmk if you need any more help on this bc i learnt it all by trial and error so ik what works when making friends n meeting people 😭

[mayssa-m]

i done figured out what I wanna do in my life and what my life will look like, it might look like I got no plans but I really know what I’m doing. I nose-dived several times education-wise n that’s really odd of me cus I was known to be the biggest nerd in my class n that reputation completely faded away n I can’t really blame myself as I got distractions of another life with a completely different lane n it’s hard to balance between, my mom just had a talk w me and this time I’ll do it not for myself but my mom n that other life I wanna live cus i always promised myself no matter what I’ll never give up on school n the results by my attitude towards it is the perfect route for someone removing school from his/her life, but that’s not what I’m aiming for. It’s gonna be harder for me than others whether it’s people only being focused on school n doing really good or someone else in the field I’l distracted by doing really good in it to, in my case the harder part is gonna be balancing in order to succeed in both, it’s gonna be really challenging but I know it’ll pay off 2 years from here n theres nothing to worry about as I talk everyday about how fast time goes so those two hears will go in a blink of an eye n ill look back n be like damn. I’m ready for this 2 year journey as at the end of them I’ll get double rewarded, two different types of rewards from each side, I learned a lot from the previous mistakes I’ve made and this time I just wanna do really well and bounce back just imagine me being a nerd again my family being really proud of me along with myself n doing also well in my other plan like bro what could be any better than that n then 2 years from now I’d get my results n graduate imagine just that is enough as my life is completely shifting I’m leaving my home country n gonna open this new chapter of my life that’s what Ive been dreaming of for soo long just living by myself in another country yes my family is gonna be away but what ive always wanted since idk what age was me living in my own appartment in a different country i also planned w my cousin we’d have a mansion each or split one and have expensive cars (part2 ill take about it later) n then I’d visit my parents and give them gifts and money n them just being genuinely happy with who they’ve raised and finally all their hard work paying off cuz im telling you it wasn’t easy for my parents especially now we’re prolly at our worst financially n whats giving me hope is not only that they always end up figuring it out but that im the oldest meaning id be the first to show them that what theyve done was worth it (+my second plan on the side) one of my goals also is getting a scholarship so that i wont have to make them pay much and something i also thought of was them not even paying for me i want by the age of 18 to be able to pay for college, car, clothes, food, airplane tickets, etc just anything for myself n i know ill do it BRO i wanna make them so happy you wont even understand n they dont even know the millionth of how grateful i am of having them or just anything they do, i see it trust i just dont show ut in case i look ungrateful to them, its not that i dont hug kiss n say i love you that i dont mean to say it its just all in my head i keep rushing myself in my head to be even harder on myself n makes things go faster, they’ll never ever even expect the quarter of what im about to do

I wanna come back n read this whenever i feel like i cant do it nomore cus i know there will be a lot of downs, school really isnt easy when youre aiming to be the best at it (to aim high)

my parents always taught me to aim higher n i still got this habit where i overestimate what i can do n dont end up being consistent so i end up being disappointed

n i know it might sound weird n unusual but something thatll keep you going youre not getting there by being in your room 24/7 just doing school stuff, you need to go out, do activities, go out with your friends or family members, spend time with family, just basically going out n not always working in the same environment n you will enjoy it better than being all by yourself studying in the same environment, its really all about balance and organization, n thats what ill do n first step would be to start sleeping earlier and wake up early in order to have better quality of sleep for a better performance the next day and a longer day in order to be able to do as much as possible thats all i gotta do for now

28.08.2024 it’ll really all be done by like june-july 2026 it’s crazy

[starsambrosia]

Ahh nooo i did all the self care things and im still depressed 😔 the fae are calling me to the forest and id like to answer but my headspace is really bad rn so i dont trust myself with them today...unfortunately i still need to build a bond with local faefolk at least the ones down by the train tracks, Prince really likes playing his lyre for them and Deos enjoys telling storys in exchange for safe passage but i just feel like crying today i want to go to them and go cry in the woods like i used to back home i want to escape to the forest with the fae and the nymphs and actually be understood and feel loved by people

I feel so empty

So empty

I have people i love but theres something different about the spirit something different about the magic realm that feels all encompassing in the warmest most wonderfull way and i miss so badly just going out alone in the woods to just be. I want to i really do but i just cant get my body to move

Im too afraid too scared of whats out there because last time i set foot outside towards that road i was almost run over (on purpose) like they tried to fucking kill me. Who??? Some bitch who hates my guts. when?

Like...two years ago...so he probly dosnt give a shit but im still so afraid i honestly think it mightve been a little traumatic considering he almost ran into a ditch to try to hit me.

I wish i could go home

I should meditate, maybe thatll help...i just miss nature i miss feeling grass and trees and the dirt roads. I feel like im in a prison again and its mostly my own fault for being so afraid...ohjghhgh Ares how do you stand me im so pathetic some days

But i know i know its more pathetic to sit and wallow than to accept my limitations and chip away at getting stronger over time.

A soldier cant carry on if theyr constantly beating themselves up about the fall they took years ago, time to get over it, i lived, i want to visit the forest, i deserve to visit the forest free of fear, i deserve a safe place to enjoy

Am i going to go there now? I dont know

I wish some one could come with me, maybe ill ask the gods for some support with this or maybe Ares would like to work with me through it...i dont know but for now i need to rest im on like 4 hours of sleep i should be resting, not pushing myself to have a breakthrough when im not in good condition.

[regularbeans]

i ammmm fuMMmmINGggGGG

rant about work lol

okay so i will be taking driving lessons right. 2 hours/day once a week. With travelling there, waiting for the bus etc i will miss 4 hours per week, right

since I have to work my ass off anyway, I was already planning to do a bunch of overtime, I dont even care that I cant take note of it, I didnt write it up last year, im not gonna do it this year, ill just get my job done so i can leave for my little concert adventure from february 20th to march 3th without any guilt that im leaving my trash behind for my coworkers to deal with, right. thats something _I_ want to do, like i need time to do my work x)

like thats my work conscience, like i want to do my job.

But with the driving taking 4 hours out of my day once per week, i thought that lets say tomorrow as an example, ill leave work at 8AM, and get back at noon, thats 4 hours missed, right? so that day, i would stay in two more hours to work, and then the next day, thursday, i would also stay 2 more hours at work to catch up with the work i shouldve done in those four hours. so in those two days, i should work for 16 hours, right? 8 hours on wednesday, 8 hours on thursday. with my plan, i could work 6 hours on wednesday (8 hours - 4 hours (driving) + 2 hours (staying after work) and then 10 hours on thursday (8+2 more hours after work).

so i end up wotking 16 hours together in those two days makes sense? makes perfect sense

HOWEVER

My boss told me that i need to take my PTO out to cover the driving days. she told me to take out five days, which account for 5x8 hours, so, 40 hours, so that covers 10 of my driving days, since 10 x 4 hours is 40 hours. which is how much ill be missing.

BUT ????????????

i will have to stay in aNYWAY x") cause i WILL have to catch up with the work i missed x) i cant just be like okay i was driving whatever. no, ill have to do my work, so ill stay in aNYWAY. so i take my PTO out AND i stay in more. but i cant write it down as overtime because overtime cannot be recorded (because my boss says that if we cant get our job done in 8 hours then we're not suited for our position lol)

but in thIS CASE IT WOULDNT EVEN BE OVERTIME it would be just REALLOCATING my ALREADY EXISTING TIME also i had to take out 5 obligatory days for the first week of january when we werent allowed to work i have to take out ten days for Adventure Funky Town TIme in february then i take 5 more days off for driving, thats 20 out of my 30 days a year off x) and that will only cover 20 hours of driving!!! Because mind you im gone for 4 hours a day, but only 2 of those hours is spent with driving lessons. and you have to drive like at least 50-something hours. so. thatll be at least five more days off so that leaves me with 25 days taken off and 5 days remaining. which ill have to keep for obligatory end-of-year PTO when the office is mandatorily closed so.

no more days off for the year for me uwu!

you know what?

you know Fucking what?

ill do it. ill take my days off ill work my ass off, ill work 60 hours a week, ill work in the weekends, i wont say a SIngle word, i wont write down my overtime, i wont have any more days off, that february break is gonna be my One Holiday for the year

then eventually ill overwork myself to the point of exhaustion and when i completely make myself sick then i can go on a sick leave and they can Eat. My. Taiiiiintttttttt

this just feels like im not being trusted???? or like... cause on one hand, plain overtime i can kind of understand. if my boss thinks you have to be able to finish your work in eight hours and if you cant thats a you problem, that i can accept even though i dont agree with it

but this wouldnt even be overtime, this would just be like, reallocating those four hours to Slightly later o_o

does she not trust me to do actual work????

just out

not to toot my own horn but if someone is known for doing whatever they can to finish work on time at the office then its me

and i never said a bad word at work

i dont complain (at work, i complain on twitter... and now here x)), i dont boast about how much extra i work

when my Bosses see it they see it, if they dont, i dont care, i just want to finish my work

so this just feels like im not being trusted???? or like... cause on one hand, plain overtime i can kind of understand. if my boss thinks you have to be able to finish your work in eight hours and if you cant thats a you problem, that i can accept even though i dont agree with it

but this wouldnt even be overtime, this would just be like, reallocating those four hours to Slightly later o_o

does she not trust me to do actual work in those hours???

not to toot my own horn but if someone is known for doing whatever they can to finish work on time at the office then its me

and i never said a bad word at work

i dont complain (at work, i complain on twitter... and now here x)), i dont boast about how much extra i work

when my Bosses see it they see it, if they dont, i dont care, i just want to finish my work

also, i have hundreds of hours of overtime from last year that i never wrote up, but kind of kept track for myself just so I Know x) I never once asked to be paid for that time, i didnt take any time off for those hours i worked extra so... why did i stay in all those hours for? to do my work. thats literally all the benefit i got out of it and she thinks id stay in just to fuck around? does she think thats what ive been doing so far? x)

chrrrist im annOYEd

[studioboner]

How do you paint digitally every time you paint I am just so impressed

Erm....i think most ofmit boils it down to me being used to the media ngl....

I can explore colors and etcmbcmi know exactly hownthis brush will behave so im not negativlynsurprised by it.... its the old default opague watercolor from CSP btw

Tho i tend to follow some steps that may help if u want to do some linelessmlike this? Mind you, im talking about "tips on how to draw like i do and how i view art"... this isnt a guide on how art shoukd be made in general, have fun with ur own style !

Very basic shapes with dynamic poses

The build up of layers of paint is important for rendering. "Trust the proccess" and dont give up halfway

It's helpful tonfocus on rendering the focalnarea more than the rest if you worry about the eyes being draw to a specificmplace, dont want to overrender an area you dont want alot of attention gone into...

Look up underpaint and what it is, if you usentransparent media brushes like i do, thatll work even digitally and not just on trad art!

If youre not up to doing weird color shifts(hue contrast) then i recommend strong lighting! It will create value contrast that helps you art be read better

[markets]

I WROTE 6 PARAGRAPHS OF ADVICE AND TUMBLR JUST DELETED IT ALL GONNA CRY

anyways. if you dont know how to Draw its best to start out traditional (i knoww digital is probably cooler but you Cannot learn how to like. do basic shapes with a mouse/trackpad. if you know how to draw it can be done of course but itd be so fucking disappointing starting out) just a pencil and some printer paper or something works. a sketchbok (or even like, a lined notebok) is helpful but not necessary, just makes it easier to organize everything

i would rec youtubers like drawingwiffwaffles and kasey golden, just watching them as they make stuff is really helpful. youll gain their skills through osmosis. (yts i would Not reccommend are people making videos about drama or discourse or whatever because half the stuff they say is bullshit. you dont need fancy digital brushes to draw or whatever)

watch anatomy videos!! lots of them because if you just watch like one or two you might end up with some Fucked up advice. watch a bunch and then figure out whats actually helpful and what isnt. despite what male artists on youtube seem to believe tits are not part of the skeletal structure. a lot of people say that you need to learn perfect realism and anatomy before you get into cartoonism, and thatll definitely improve your drawing off the bat, but honestly it is really overhyped and doesnt matter much. who has time for that shit. we want to draw angsty fanart of our little meow meows

and just like. practice. draw lots and lots. even if you buy a textbook on anatomy or stylization or anything but never practice you wont Learn anything. and it can be annoying if you dont immediately "find" your art style, but trust me that takes foreverrr to figure itself out. i didnt have a consistent art style until id been drawing for 3 fuckin years. have fun. fuck around and find out

as for digital stuff, theres lotsa good recs online but personally i use and am content with a huion tablet (wacom is also another really well known and respected brand) and the drawing program fire alpaca. you can also use an ipad or something, procreate and ibis paint x are good!! have fun xoxoxox

THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH IM SORRY IT ALL GOT DELETED AT FIRST!! this is all oh so very helpful

[shaibtheherbanlegend777]

Getting over the past so it doesnt interfere with the moment thatll drag into the future

Had to get myself right real quick

Introspection really helps in aligning back

Im moving out from the old into the new

For anyone involved with toxic ppl family member narcissists sociopaths and etc

Ik the tactics they use are frustrating and the games they play is childish yet manipulative

Trying to control everything putting ppl down emotionally mentally even spiritually

And its frustrating cuz certain ppl wont know the things they do subliminally or behind closed doors

And how they try to make the narrative work for them while they continue their henious deeds or open abuse in plain sight just through subtle signs

And the pain can be tumultuous and crazy as well as to live with them and going through it

Especially for empaths cuz we being drained of energy by them and how we naturally will feel their energy and projections that they make towards us which in actually is really about them

Stay strong please it will not last long and these people have taken advantage of your nature and try to use it against you dont let them do you in like that

And i know how it can be trust me im going through it now but im pushing my way past the traumas the toxic cycle accepting what happened while at the same time building better boundaries a environment for myself as well as being the best i can be while growing and improving myself and i dont like exposing my shit like this bt its also part of my healing process and to realign myself back to who i am and i guess a result of the experience where you just close yourself off and you remain silent cuz of the gaslighting the words the actions the mental games laced with lies and deceit but i had to speak cuz i remember when i was younger watching all those anime characters and seeing how they push past adversity and problems and i knew my life would be no different and that i admire the strength i would be helping ppl and empower themselves and help make the world a better place bt realizing it now even this experience helped me out by showing me who i am and showing who these people are not who they claim to be but yea i wanted to vent while at the same time using this to relate to anyone going thru it and showing awareness for stuff like this that tends to go under the radar but yall stay strong stay blessed dont be afraid to speak up and god is always working with you towards the greater good

[trashydez]

whats wrong with me? and dont give me “nothings wrong with you” because i KNOW theres something wrong with me because what else would explain why im like this?

ive always felt different from everyone else. ive always known there was something just weird about me. when i say theres something wrong, i dont mean in a necessarily bad way. i mean in a weird way like,, its just a feeling.

so im constantly looking for an explanation as to just,, why? why am i like this? i dont even know what exactly im talking about when i say all this.

no [best friend], it isnt hormones. the moment you said that it was hormones was the moment i realised i couldnt trust you. then again i couldnt trust anyone huh?

i hate how i am. i hate how my mind works. i cant validate myself at all and frankly i dont want to. i know idealising mental illnesses or disorders is terrible and i hate it but by god if a mental illness or disorder it explains to me why i felt like this for forever now then hell even thatll work.

i cant even tell when this all started. maybe its cuz ive always felt alienated from everyone else. no one ever treated me badly. hell ive always had pretty good friends and acquaintances and yet ive always felt this way.

im so tired of this. i just want to know whats wrong with me. every single thing i look for draws blank after blank and i cant reach out cuz even the person i trust most (my best friend that i mentioned earlier) doesnt even understand why im like this.

so please by god if anyone here knows whats wrong with me or wants to know more details then please dm me. this is a cry for help.

thank you for reading.

[meet-again]

Professional help tells you to get pills but not why or what they do and you have to discover yourself that the pills for your headaches and sleeping better are a fuckin strong thing that has nothing to do with headaches

Or tells you they're antidepressants but not that one of the side effect is worsening your depression which makes no sense

The only professional help I trust is my normal doctor who limits to prescribe iron pills and documents so I can skip in p.e. -stoned

Yeah dude like this isnt hate against treatment,im glad i can get something but GOOD GOD could they try a little harder?

They literally just dont give any explanation it took me two years of takung nethylfenidate to sorta start to gather waht it dies

And bow theyre just like Hey take this other stuff and tell us if it works we dont know waht itll do were not telling you what its supposed to do or how long itll last or why you have what dose

Like??? I just watched a yt video and its told me more than years of professionals and like until today i never even questioned waht they were supposed to do?

They just tell you take this shit and thatll fix it and then yt tells me THE WAY TO KNOW OF ITS WORKING IS WAHT ARE YOU TRYIBG TOA CCOMPLISH AND IS TAHT WORKING

And just sotting here like. Waht are we trying to acomplish?

[tempestaurora]

Hey I really want to watch the disney+ shows but i know absolutely nothing about how to pirate stuff safely or where to find it and i'm kinda nervous, I'm asking you since i trust you; any tips on like, where to find things?? cause that little trailer just came out, saw it on seb stan's insta and like... omg

thing is theres no confirmation which websites will have them yet and how fast they'll be removed by disney? I actually dont know much about pirating at all, everything I know my brother told me

but anyway, use chrome, get an ad block extension (super incredibly necessary), and right now I know that .gn for 123movies works, but who knows when thatll get taken down and have to be replaced

[madisonrooney]

ive been trying not to mope about this as much as i used to but...fuck man i miss dove

ik i used to go on about that like after not seeing her for a week or a month but...were pushing a year. and ik a lot of people hear me say that and think im spoiled and i should be grateful for what i already have cuz i have so much more than most people do. and dont get me wrong im immensely grateful. but its just a weird state to be in when youve established a relationship with someone but then you just have to leave it hanging and you dont know how long youre gonna have to do that for. and on top of it, i dont think im ever gonna fully be over all of the cancelled liv and maddie tapings, bc i worked hard to get those tickets AND even waited like 5 hours in line once only to be turned away. its been 4 years since the tapings ended but had all the tapings i had tix to actually happened, i wouldve met her more times at the end of summer 2016 than i have now mid 2020, which is kinda fucked up lol.

its also cuz ive spent quarantine leaning hard on my dove and liv and maddie hyperfixations to comfort me and honestly living vicariously through my past self, reminiscing on tapings and stuff and thinking about what i was doing on this day in 2015/16/17. im not as bad as i used to be with the whole “what if she forgets me, what if she doesnt like me anymore” cuz our relationship has grown so much that like im past that, but its still hard. especially with her having as big of a following as she does, i cant just message her and expect to get a reply. its very weird for the mind to process a relationship where you know each other well and have for years, to the point where she recognizes me in a crowd, but when were not together in person, theres hardly any way of me reaching her.

not to mention not getting to see her after light in the piazza both times last year. and i dont mean that as in im mad at her for not coming out, i trust she had a reason (one time she was sick), but obvs its still a bummer. i came back to the LA stage door two more times and still no luck, and i had to wait 2 hours both times. (which, again, isnt her fault, stage doors just be like that unfortunately).

i know i wont be seeing her in person any time soon. shes said her concerts will still happen eventually but im not gonna bank on that for another year or so. i just hope that maybe shell do some virtual meet and greet like some celebs are doing. she did respond to my text the one time so maybe i can hope thatll happen again. in the first response i didnt indicate that it was “me” so while it made me really happy, it wasnt all of what i needed yknow. idk i just want something, anything, really really bad.